#youre losing me

[girlsdocryaboutit]

Adding Flowers by Lauren Spencer Smith for an extra bit of flavour to mine.

welcoming "youre losing me" to my hoax tolerate it coney island exile champagne problems multiverse of sadness

[kallumdesign]

[sainntlaurent]

the midnights era is gone but i need some time to get over it.

credits: manda.creates

[tudorscrown]

you're losing me | spencer reid

spencer reid x fem!reader warnings: angst, breaking up w spencer, i hate myself clearly, depressed!reader, insecure!reader, heartbroken!spencer, hateful!reader, suicidal tendancies (?) aka suislide, knowing youre unfit to drive but still driving, not caring anymore, yn is mentioned but less than a handful of times navigation | cm masterlist word count: 1099 words inspired by you're losing me by taylor swift

You sat on the dark green armchair in the corner, watching Spencer's reaction as he sat on the couch.

"I... I don't understand." He murmured. He stared at the coffee table that separated the two of you.

"I know you don't." You said calmly, almost like you weren't bothered. Spencer looked up at you, his hazel eyes watered and he looked absolutely heartbroken.

we thought a cure would come through in time, now i fear it won't

"It's better this way, Spencer." You said, trying to get him to see things your way. Your tone was still calm but your hands were picking at each other, a sign of anxiousness--a habit you picked up as a kid.

"Better this way? Y/N, I-I thought we were getting better..!" He stammered, searching through the files of his mind to see where he went wrong, where he messed up.

But he didn't mess up.

remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light

Sunlight peered through the room. Sunlight. The sun usually means happy things, like birthday parties, or college acceptance letters, not break ups.

Break ups are reserved for storm clouds and thunder. That's what you contemplate while sitting in the corner in the dark. You don't break up with someone during the day, you do it during a storm so you can have a passionate "don't leave me" kiss while getting drenched to the bone.

do i throw out everything we built or keep it?

"We end up back where we started. We always do, Spencer." You said. You had contemplated staying with him but it wasn't working. You were trying to be happy--happy for Spencer. But no matter how hard you tried or how hard you thought about Spencer, you just weren't happy anymore. You were getting tired, rising from the metaphorical ashes and mending all of your emotional gashes.

you might just have dealt the final blow

"No, no this time...." Spencer trailed off, mouth parting. "It was working, we were working!" His heartbroken gaze pierced through you and you couldn't help but feel like you were making a mistake of a lifetime.

"Stop." You whispered, breaking your gaze away from his. "You're losing me, Spencer."

Several beats of silence passed between you two before Spencer whispered the unfathomable words: "Why?"

Your breath hitched as you paused, trying to find the reasons why you were doing what you were doing.

"I woke up angry every morning, Spencer. I was angry at the world, my parents.., you." You scoffed. "I mean, how can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying?"

Spencer stayed silent at the rhetorical question, focusing on his hands instead.

You continued. "I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick. My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick."

"You were that unhappy?" Spencer asked.

"Unhappy? Spencer, I was miserable!" You exclaimed. "My pain was always such an imposition, wasn't it?"

Spencer's eyebrows furrowed. "An imposition? Y/N, what? No matter what happened or happens, I will always be by your side."

You shook your head. "No, no, Spencer. I am sick! I am not okay and you can't see that! I can't be with you anymore. I can't..." You hiccupped at tears started falling down your face. You shook your head as you looked at your feet. "I can't. I just can't anymore!"

You got up quicker than Spencer could register and ran past him on the couch towards the door. You grabbed your keys and ran. You ran down the hallway, tears clouding your sight. You needed to get out of there--out of here. Leave. Leave. Leave.

and you know what they all say: you don't know what you got until it's gone

Spencer stood up from the couch and turned to face the door but you were already gone and so were your keys. Spencer had let stray tears fall down his face. He knew something was going on but he figured you would tell him. But you bottled it up, you've always had. Spencer recounted the moments in his head, replaying your hurtful words.

"Stop." You whispered, breaking your gaze away from his. "You're losing me, Spencer."

how long could we be a sad song

Just drive. You had to drive. You need to get out of there--have to. You ran down the flight of stairs that led to Spencer's apartment, your hand ghosting down the old wooden banister. You stormed out of the entrance, feeling a headache emerge at the sudden light caused by the beautiful day outside.

You clicked your keys, listening for the faint beep of your car. You ran towards your car and swung open the drivers side of the door. You knew you weren't fit to drive, not in this state. But the thing was, you didn't care.

You reversed out of the parking space and zoomed out of the parking lot knowing that Spencer could be watching you from his thin windows or even chasing after you but you didn't care. You weren't happy anymore and that was more important.

You were going well over the speed limit, you knew that. You drove to the apartment millions of times to know what the speed limit was but you didn't care.

Even if it meant what the phone call Spencer Reid would get only ten minutes after you left his apartment.

'til we were too far gone to bring back to life?

Spencer sat with his hands clasped together, laying on his knees as he waited for the doctor to come out with news that you were okay. Better, even.

When you arrived to the hospital you were in critical condition and was put in for emergency surgery. The doctors didn't have high hopes for you and neither did Spencer, truth be told.

Spencer looked up as he heard the surgical doors swing open and your doctor came out. But despite Spencer's optimistic thinking, the doctor looked solemn. Spencer quickly stood up.

Before the doctor could get a word out, the world Spencer had built, had fallen. The world you and Spencer had built was gone.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Dr. Reid."

Spencer collapsed on his knees in the waiting room. It was probably unethical to be so emotional in a hospital waiting room but he wasn't at work nor was he on the job and if anyone had a problem with him expressing his heartbroken-ness for his exgirlfriend, they can go to hell.

i can't find a pulse; my heart won't start anymore

IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT SU!C!DE, PLEASE CALL THE HOTLINE NUMBER! ITS OPEN 24 HRS

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

[whyshedisappeared]

aaaaand here's the download link

[magickiss]

You're Losing Me // So Long, London

[loveisbraveandwild]

speak now taylor singing “i would lay my armour down if you said youd rather love than fight” then red taylor singing “this is the worthwhile fight love is a ruthless game unless you play it right” then lover taylor singing “threw out our cloaks and our daggars because its morning now its brighter now” then evermore taylor singing “when i dropped my sword i threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door and we live in peace” and now midnights taylor singing “and all i did was bleed as i tried to be the bravest soldier fighting it all with your army”

[raspberrysgod]

“i hope i never lose you” / “stop, you're losing me” / “i'd marry you with paper rings” / “i wouldn't marry me either” / “i only see daylight” / “now i just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time”

[midnightsupernova535]

Argumentative Antithetical Dream Girl

Sooooooooo how do people think that Taylor Swift is the Dream girl in this sentence because last I checked if I said, “I could still melt your world,pretty, girl.” I would not be the girl. I know it’s weird because she puts all of those adjectives behind it but STILL. Also, Taylor can’t be both the, “argumentative antithetical dream girl” and the, “Pathological people pleaser”. Those two epithets contradict each other. She was just being LOUD AND PROUD on main.

[orlamccools]

argumentative antithetical dream girl vs pathological people pleaser i am GOING to kill myself

[imamirrorballlll]

In my pipravi feels rn

[dontblamethewitches]

my face was gray but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

[thefriendofdorthea]

Chat, am I cooked?

[keineheimat]

[pr]

"and i wouldn't marry me either"

[throwbacktears]

people on here really don't like re-contextualizing midnights as a breakup album but. with "hits different", with the news of their breakup, and now finally "youre losing me", it just. it makes so much sense as a break-up album. and even if we didnt consider it as one at the time, i dont think there's anything wrong with coming to see it as one now. looking at it at all at face value, it just makes sense. even if some people might not want to hear that.

taylor has always said midnights is an album about choices - the ones we treasure, the ones we regret, the ones we mull over until the early morning.

lavender haze, given all that we now know, was clearly about taylor trying to keep her head in the clouds -- blissful ignorance -- a la "lavendar haze" -- when its apprarent theres a big elephant in the room. i always found it interesting that whenever she referred to her and joe's relationship, she fixated a lot on when they first got together, and he was there for her when no one else was. its almost like that was her anchor and justification to stay with him anyway, despite the (now-implied) emotional neglect that was actually going on, despite the multiple breaks they've supposedly have had to take over the course of their relationship. she just wants to stay in that time period where everything was perfect, when everything was still rosy, in that "lavendar haze".

bejeweled -- the idea that, even though someone wants to keep her a secret, and dim her light in the process, it wont stop her from shining, and she cant help it. and if theyre not willing to let her shine, something has got to give. the idea of her being kept to the basement, by this person, when she just wants "the penthouse of your heart".

the same themes in bejeweled of doing all the extra credit, just to get graded on a curve, to youre losing me, where "i give all my best me's, my endless empathy, and all i did was bleed"

maybe calling midnights a breakup album is too reductive, since not all the songs refer to her and joe's relationship, and thus not every song is a breakup song. but to call midnights anything other than, at the very least, a melancholic, relationships-on-the-rocks (re: theme of staying up until midnight over decisions), break-up adjacent album, where its clear something has got to give, despite the good that they had - especially given the context we have now - is amiss.

like the wisdom that comes with looking back at her re-recordings with new eyes and revisiting those times knowing what she knows now, she also uses the theme of midnights to ponder her then-current problems. such as: do i have to lose the person that i love most, because nothing they are doing, and everything they have been doing, is not enough anymore?