#i’m not trying to be i’m just autistic!!!!!!

[thedissonantverses]

Let’s Talk Taash, Or How Neurodivergence Relates to Gender Identity:

I’ve tried to write my feelings on Taash multiple times now but realized I need to break it down into parts. I relate to Taash on so many levels it’s kind of insane. I’m biracial, queer, neurodivergent, and had a parent I had a complicated with relationship with who died before we resolved any of our issues with each other. I can breathe fire too but it’s a secret.

I’m far from the first person who’s noticed how heavily Taash is autistic coded. The hyperfixation on dragons, blunt patterns of speech, the strong sense of justice amongst other things.

If you can’t tell by the everything about me, I have a searing case of ADHD and would like to get retested for autism. I am not even remotely kidding one of the things that drew me to Dragon Age were the dragons because of that hyperfixation. There’s a reason I’ve spent years pouring over every bit of lore and doing meta analysis. I just…really like dragons….

One other thing to understand is that I have chafed against the gender binary my whole life. I’m a cis woman but to say my feelings around gender are complicated is underselling it. I know perfectly well I can lead saw crews in the woods and wear dresses and shave most of my head and still be a woman, but I’ll be damned if people don’t try to police my gender still at 32 years old. One of the reasons it was so easy for me to accept gender as a social construct was because I knew it was bullshit but was still expected to contort myself into some version of a “woman” that never made any sense. I use she/they pronouns as a result.

Like a wise protagonist once said “Being a woman shouldn’t hurt.”

I was listening to an autistic non-binary man speak and he said it better than I ever could, but when he sits in a room by himself he doesn’t have a concept of gender. He use he/they pronouns but he realized it’s because all of his masks are male. It hit me like a truck then that yeah, most of my masks are modeled after my mom.

I don’t know if other neurodivergent people relate, but it’s one of the reasons I’m so attached to Taash. This struggle against identity and the culture in your house and around you is something I’ve dealt with my whole life. It took a lot of struggle for me to get as comfortable in my own skin as I am now. Taash is my hero because they’re unapologetically who they are in the face of that struggle.

Shokra to ebra.

[bondagebimbo]

also to point out: she’s autistic and uses her hair as a security blanket because it was nearly down to the small of her back before it was cut and she liked to hide behind it when she felt insecure or overstimulated.

so now she feels VERY vulnerable and uncomfortable and generally just really upset in her own skin.

please help this kid feel okay again, genuinely. she’s so anxious and dreading school and freaking out about everything, she’s had a constant mental breakdown all day because she’s afraid to go to school next week again after this.

the kid is fucking 12 years old. please. PLEASE help me make her feel better. I’m begging you. she didn’t deserve this. she doesn’t deserve to be terrorized like this and I just want to help her and try to make her happy after this disaster.

please. please donate what you can and hopefully with what I have coming from my payouts, I can get her some decent extensions. it feels so wrong to leave her like this because I know exactly how she feels. and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

please use the cashapp above to help. I also have PayPal if you can’t use cashapp, just shoot me an ask off anon and I’ll DM it to you.

please, please help this poor kid feel okay again.

thank you.

I’m genuinely about to go square up with some fuckhead ass kids because my mother just informed me that they have not only once, but TWICE cut my youngest sister’s hair without her consent or knowledge.

the first time was in April and they cut like 6 inches off a random spot of her hair.

and yesterday, they cut fucking 14ish inches off because she started wearing her hair in a braid so no one could cut chunks out of it as easily so they just cut the whole fucking braid off.

I’m going to fucking kill them, who the fuck made them think this is an acceptable way to act and fucking treat someone. deadass going to go fight some fucking high schoolers over this, I swear to god.

kids are so fucking fucked up these days, I’m so beyond angry. she’s so fucking upset and distraught and nothing can be done about it. that hair is just gone. I feel so fucking sad and angry just on her behalf. why are kids so fucking cruel, she didn’t deserve that

[theorahsart]

I'm updating again on the whole 'Peter Mcfee emailing me' thing, because: he asked why I was interested in Frev/Robespierre, and I decided to be completely honest/possibly look like a fool, and explain in detail my opinions on Robespierre possibly being autistic, alongside my personal experiences as queer person living in a time of upheaval.

Much to my surprise and delight, Peter has replied with so many interesting things to say!

He said he's very interested in the autism hypothesis, because his grandson is autistic. He has a historian friend who's "a great authority on portraits of Robespierre" (Marianne Gilchrist, I haven't heard of this person) who apparently also strongly believes in the idea of Robespierre being autistic. He linked to their bluesky account, so maybe I should try get in contact one day to have some more interesting discussions~

In his words on his personal opinion on the topic: "I’m not so sure but in any case, I think that many/most people who are passionate and brilliant about something are somewhere ‘on the spectrum’."

Because I mentioned my books being banned as another reason for being interested in Frev, he had this to say, which I also found very interesting (I dont know how to rephrase it, so just gonna copy n paste):

"I guess one of the banned books was your memoir on asexuality and that made me think of the advising I’m doing for a PhD student in Turin. She’s particularly interested in Robespierre’s distinctive masculinity, which was responded to in such polarised fashion among men and women. One key dimension of that was his sexuality and probable celibacy and why that might have been the case."

[butiknowiloatheyou]

ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfsomuch

[mountaindewgay]

Okay. Fine. For a neurotypical person, Will Roland looks stupid. But as someone who is autistic, the original two river production makes me feel insane for responding to things way more over the top like Will Roland does. As a neurodivergent teenager, Will Roland’s performance is absolutely astounding. But as a person who studies acting and is very serious about it, I can see why you see his choices as offputting. The thing is, the Broadway show represents a whole different group of people. Not everyone will relate to it, just as how not everyone will relate to the Two River one. I definitely acknowledge this and am not in any way saying Will Connolly is bad. I’m just saying each show represents a different group of people, and just because one does the role second does not at all mean that they should act the same way as the first person who did it. In fact, having different casts can be beneficial for that reason. Also, how you describe Will Roland’s Jeremy as aggressive, I challenge that. If you were put in the shoes of a teenager who thinks exactly like Jeremy, is very jumpy, and doesn’t understand social cues, would you just be like “oh yeah whatever”? Not in a lot of peoples cases. Many people feel the same way as Will Roland’s Jeremy and I think it is a very good representation. In conclusion, both Jeremy’s did a great job of representing both groups and I think that the fandom should try to be more welcoming towards that. Not everything is going to be the same each time. I hope this doesn’t come out as rude, I’m just trying to prove a point.

thank you ^^

Sat down to watch the Be More Chill musical on my computer through legal means and got sucker-punched by the fact that the show was basically butchered when it was revived for the 2018 Off-Broadway production, I can only assume as a direct result of the casting of Will Roland in the lead role as Jeremy.

Roland apparently auditioned for Jeremy in Be More Chill in 2015, and was snubbed in favour of Will Connolly, who you hear on the first Original Cast Recording. In the meantime, he went on to perform in Dear Evan Hansen, which turned out to be phenomenally successful, and he won a couple of awards, which I assume is why when he came back to Be More Chill in 2018, the new song "Loser Geek Whatever" was added, becoming the new end-of-Act-1 number. This song, which is basically just an extended solo for Roland where Jeremy sings about resenting his social status and wanting to be cool (an emotional state which has been painfully well-established by this point), is like nails-on-a-chalkboard to me. It's like a caricature of what you'd imagine Be More Chill to be like if you haven't seen it.

If it was just one song, I guess I could grit my teeth and just skip it, but sadly Roland's performance and vocals are about as consistently offputting. It's difficult coming into a role which has already been originated by another actor, and putting your own spin on it, but I just think he fucked it. I can only describe his delivery as aggressive, angry and entitled instead of self-effacing and sardonic. He's so incredibly punchable. It's unbearable. I think it completely changes the tenor of the story. I'm not the only one; a quick google search yields tons of results for people making a similar point.

Anyway, I realised I'd never actually seen footage of the original 2015 Two River Theater production, just audio, so I went to look for it. Will Connolly's performance, by contrast, is far more naturalistic and precise; a lot of his mannerisms are subtle and awkward, his expressions are guileless, his delivery is earnest. Jeremy is still a little shitstain, but more in an "argh, what are you DOING!" way than a "fuck you fuck you fuck you" way. The only known video of the Two River production to exist covers just the first half-hour; maybe a third of the show. There's complete audio for the rest. Plus, of course, the studio recordings of the songs. And when it comes to musical theatre, it's like, yeah, same as it ever was—but for me this is my own personal Star Wars Special Editions controversy, where the only extant version of the story is one where it's like a madman has combed back over it to fuck up as many things as possible.

An animator called Claudia Cacace on YouTube produced several animatics for the show, splicing the studio recordings into the Two River audio, with lofty ambitions of eventually adapting the whole thing. I think a lot of her directorial choices are brilliant, but again, she only really touched Act 1—and last year she released an unfinished animatic, announcing that she was done with the project because people were being insane about it online. Again, same as it ever was. I can see some other YouTube users have valiantly attempted to compile playlists of animatics from various animators to cover the whole show, but what's the point, if the overall look and quality of the thing is wildly varying every five minutes?

Maybe I should go read the original novel. I hear it's good.

[thimbell]

WHO WOULD WIN?! AN EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION EPISODE OVER SOMETHING SILLY or ONE “Ganbatte roomba-san,… ganbatte” TUMBLR POST REFERENCE

forget actual breathing and calming techniques— “ganbatte roomba-san” has done more for me than 3 years of therapy /lh /j

[public-benches]

novice dunmeshi fans in the tags of my posts tryna say chilchucks daughters aren’t adults….. heh. 😏 this may blow some peoples minds but I would like to remind everyone that half foots have shorter lifespans and reach adulthood by 14 according to the sacred texts 👇

chilchuck describes them as fully independent when he corrects marcille, who assumes he’s left his wife alone with a young child. The family dynamic is nicely summarized here 👇

and of course my most compelling evidence is the time when chilchucks three adult daughters describe themselves as his three adult daughters:

how could a guy who isn’t even 29 yet have three adult daughters, some have asked? Look no further. I have your answers here:

a bit young even for his own race but unfortunately for some of you guys the facts speak for themselves 😔

now don’t ever correct me again

[yourlocalabomination]

I saw people talking about how Ted would own so many patterned button ups and had the AWFUL realisation me and this man would share a closet.

(Also long haired Ted propaganda be upon ye)

[eddienashtonn]

there’s something so autistic about the riddler as a character. the frustration of having no one really see you, the need to prove yourself smarter and cleverer than all of them to make up for the fact that you could never fit in with them, the compulsive joy of forcing others to play by your rules, the obsession with truth and answers, the comfort of having your own space where you’re in control, the fear of inadequacy, the isolation and loneliness, the need to be acknowledged in your reality to be satisfied but never able to reach that satisfaction.

[vyrewolf]

When I step away from the show and think about cap I get really wrapped up in his tragic gay backstory and of course I love that but then I go back and rewatch the episodes remember the other reason I love cap which is that he is so silly!!! He is so silly and so very autistic to the point that even though there is no evidence to suggest it was on purpose it feels so very on purpose that I can only lead to believe Ben’s portrayal was influenced by other autistic characters and they just. didn’t realize. because there’s no way captain isn’t autistic have you seen the way that man unapologetically stims and structures his entire day he is so silly and I love him.

[bloodibambiidoll]

I block and delete any and all hate I get because I’m tired of giving people who want to muck up my safe space with negativity my energy. But my patience is wearing fucking thin. Everyone has a limit and I’m almost at mine. I’m just trying to write about fictional men and be delusional and occasionally emo. I already got bullied out of an entire fandom. Leave me the fuck alone.

[dragonsdendoodles]

Conversation I had today in my playing with clay until I get frustrated and play with water instead ceramics class

(someone knew the MPHFPC movie)

Me, trying to explain why I hate it: Do you remember Enoch

Them: ?

Me: Tall broody one with the hearts? And the skeleton army that one time?

Them: Was he hot

Me: …unfortunately.

Them: Gimme a picture I’m a visual learner

Me: *pulls up a picture*

Them: OH. Oh yeah. Definitely hot.

Me: Cool. Awesome. That’s not what he’s supposed to look like

Them: Oh. Wait why did you say “unfortunately”

[werebearbait]

i think a few of things that are drawing me into s&m and dacryphilia is my need for pressure, bruises, and the ability to cry. i think i’m a lot more of a masochist, especially with the way i’ve been daydreaming about being roughly wrestled with by another tguy,, like he’s just soo much bigger than i am and he shoves me to the fucking floor and holds me down in such a way, it causes my brain to shiver. this is where the sensory pressure comes in. his hands holding me down, the bare skin-on-skin touch, it’s sending shivers down my spine and i can’t help but giggle (excited stim). and god what i wouldn’t give for him to cry and make me cry,,, smack me around a bit, slap my face, tug at my hair, kick my legs, but still praise me,,, tell me what a good boy i am as i take everything he gives me,,, now fun fact about me; i haven’t been able to properly cry since i was 18. im almost three years on testosterone and the last time i Cried Cried was in may i believe,, so i just want him to try n pry some tears from me, whether it be from the pain or pleasure,,

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Gender is insane what does it even mean the dictionaries don’t even know. Its all made-up nonsense. I’m too autistic for this. Gender is canceled and silliness will take its place there is no more gender only silliness.

[catboy-a-day]

catboy 264 + extras

[cannibal-thing]

🌟Tomura 100% regresses to the ages on 5-7 (when a lot of trauma happened)

🌟I feel like he regressed a lot in the first season without even knowing, that’s why he acted the way he did a lot of the time.

🌟Sitting on Dabis’ lap babbling, literally. 🌟rocking back and forth

🌟maybe Dabi’s rubbing his back 🌟No words, just mindless babbling.

🌟a few muffled “Mommy’s”

🌟I see the mindless babbling showing that he can talk but when he was at that age he was quiet, and no one really understood what he said. Also cuz he truly started talking when AFO forced him to constantly.

🌟and the mommy part because well his mom was really the only one he felt safe around when he was younger.

🌟Slowly starts to cry sometimes, simply wanting to stay close to Dabi but can’t because he’s doing the mission Tomura sent him on.

🌟and with Kurogiri held behind bars, he’s alone.

🌟that’s Why he has so many stuffed animals and pillows in his bed (kinda like Togas room just edgy)

🌟he usually regresses a few hours before he’s supposed to go to bed so he can get it out of his system and so someone could be there, not busy with work.

🌟if he’s regressed and on his period he’s knocking on Dabi’s door crying about how “his kitty is bleeding” and “his tummy hurts”

🌟he’s definitely put random shit in his mouth.

🌟he’s like 10x more sensitive regressed, idk how to explain it he just is. So he gets overstimulation very easily.

🌟 he doesn’t remember what to avoid that much when regressed so he’s touching and interacting with things he already didn’t like, causing a shut down.

🌟a weighted blanket helps him calm down, that’s just whenever. A lucky gift from the PFL when he had his broke leg and arm.

🌟oh! During that time a lot of tears where shed as well because he could handle the pain as and adult but as a five year old that was too much-

🌟and sometimes things aren’t always planned, that’s what’s scares him the most, randomly slipping during a meeting or while doing something important. Which causes him to stress, and usually he’d regress when he’s under a lot of stress. Needing that release.