#the idea that i am capable of creating something that makes people feel things even slightly

[zapsoda]

making any sort of suggestive art is funny bc im sitting there like light yagsmi stone faced focused as shit writing or drawing and then people comment waooow that was hot :D and i remember oh ueahhh thats what this is supposed to be . hot.

[yannaryartside]

CARMY NEVER WANTED TO CREATE A MENU WITH SYD.

AND WHY THAT IS THE CORE THEME OF THE SHOW

PART 1: THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIEVES

So, one of the bases of creating an efficient character arc is to give the character something they want, and something they need. In the pursuit of getting what they want, the theme of the show and obstacles will show them what they need. Most of the time, they need healing from an emotional wound that prevents them from growing into the ultimate version of themselves, capable of winning the challenges of the story. I will try to explore Carmy's wound and, more importantly, the lie that created that wound.

In 'The negative trait thesaurus" by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi, it reads:

"Wounds are often kept secret from others because embedded within them is the lie-an untruth that the character believes about himself."

When I started therapy (disclaimer: this is not professional advice; I am just talking from how I interpreted all of this), I was introduced to the concept of "limiting beliefs:" lies we have told ourselves about our own nature or the nature of the world. The most difficult beliefs to leave behind are those established in our early childhoods, and we told ourselves those lies to make sense of the world, to make peace with realities we were not equipped to comprehend yet. 

Some examples of lies people belive:

"I am too stupid to learn anything; my teacher said so" "It was my fault that I was molested." "I am a bad person for wanting a different life."

When people believe these lies, they will act accordingly, maybe attracting situations that hurt them but keeping the lie active in their lives. They may self-sabotage or create bonds with people who also believe the lie, even if it doesn't seem this way. 

In some cases, people may develop complete personalities or behaviors to prove the lie wrong, but deep down, they still believe in the lie. Carmy falls into this last category. This is where we find the most contradictory parts of his personality, how he can act shy and insecure in some instances and appear confident and even aggressive in others. 

Long post underneath.

THE RESENT OF A MOTHER:

We can only assume here because I think Storer is gonna let us know more about this soon, but I think I got an idea of this wound when I saw the only moment Carmy was alone with Donna on "Fishes."

I have a lot of things to say about Donna herself, but let's begin with the obvious: the conversation in this scene had little to do with the dinner itself. This was a woman stating that she felt alone and not valued, probably due to being abandoned by her husband and having to overwork herself at the beef to support her 3 kids, all while being a single mother. We don't know if this feeling of abandonment is something she has carried since childhood, but in the state of current womanhood, it wouldn't be uncommon. The work of women (especially mothers), particularly the emotional labor, is rather invisible and not valued at all.

But again, this is something she has used as fuel to resent her kids, who, at the end of the day, didn't ask to be here. Her anger has to go somewhere since she cannot direct it toward the people that ctually caused it. To get to the point:

THE BEARZATTO SYBLING DYNAMIC

Carmy said, "You are not alone; I am here with you." (This kind of comes back to telling Syd she was not alone at the end of the season.) This scene is about a kid trying to communicate to his mother that he loves her and trying desperately to connect with her, to get her to express her affection for him as well.

It tells me that growing up, he felt like he had to "earn" her affection. Donna likes to make her kids feel guilty about her unhappiness, so the kids feel that they are constantly walking on shells because they think their mother hates them, or at least that she resents them and that it is their responsibility to fix it.

In the scene, Carmy asked,

"What is so hard, Mom?"

I think what he was actually asking is, "What is so hard about being with us, to love us? What did we do to you that made you resent us this way?" He is asking because he wants to know, to finally understand. Why do you drink, Mom? Why do you yell? Why do you say such hurtful things?

When she answers, "Nobody makes things beautiful for me," you can see in his face the disconnection. He knows he can't do anything about that.

Then, a crucial part in the scene occurs when Donna calls him "Michael, " which indicates that the only one of her children who could make her feel happy was Michael, or at least that is how the other two kids felt. You can see the hurt in Carmy's eyes in the scene because this answer dismisses his effort to connect to his mother in his own right. She asks him to just leave. He offers to wait to connect with her. Then, it comes to the most chilling moment on the scene, the "we have a problem" using his full name, with resentment in every word. She hugs him while crying, kisses him, and then slaps him.

This is rejection. There is a book called "The Five Wounds of the Soul": wich are Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice. I think Carmy's wound is rejection, for never earning his mother's love, particularly comparing himself to Michael.

Michael took responsibility for the Beef, finally giving their mom a break. It was Michael's job to make sure everyone was having a good time, to compensate for the discomfort that caused being in Donna's presence, to make sure all of them stayed as a family, which was Donna's intention, so Michael thought he had to make that happen for her. Therefore, Michael is the only one of her kids who succeeds and makes her happy. We know Donna rejects Natalie and Carmy. About Natalie, we can write another whole essay.

THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIVES

According to this scene, I think Carmy thinks that her mother didn't love him because he is not Michael; in fact, he is the most "not like Michael" someone could be. He was shy and stuttered and didn't have friends or girlfriends, comparable to Michael's ability to control every room he was in. Carmy was sensible and no macho alfa as Michael presented himself to be. Carmy left home and the family business, and both Michael and Donna expressed that they feel like he thinks he is better than them. Michael admitted later to admiring Carmy's work in Copenhagen, but Donna never did. carmy grew up having to live with the crumbles of Donna's attention that Michael left behind, wondering every day what was so wrong with him that made her reject him, and wondering what he could do to change that.

The lie that Carmy belives, could be sumarize this way:

I need to earn people's love. I need to always go the extra mile, doing the most possible at all times to earn people's love.

This all goes back to his trauma with Michael. It goes back to his career as a chef and how he became the best. He didn't need to succeed on a larger scale in the culinary industry to earn Michael's respect and love; he needed to be the best in the world, so he did that. He judges his own social abilities, comparing them to Miachae's. He left that promising career only because of Michae's death. He got the girlfriend Michael wanted for him (not saying it was the only reason, but it was there).

PART 2: WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS HAD TO DO WITH SYDNEY?

Well, what does a person who feels they always need to do the most? They do the most. I want to bring you back to the moments Carmy had to develop menu ideas with Syd on s1 and s2.

When Syd suggested items for the menu in s1, he gave her an inconclusive, not enthusiastic "maybe."

When she had to actually cook the thing for him to approve, he tried to make her feel small about it. He felt the need to remind her that she was "impatient and green," according to her previous bosses. He commented about her possibly ruining the flow by using time to cook her recipe. Yikes all around, but the core here is that he was treating her like an enemy, like competition, while she was trying to save the restaurant with what they had on hand to use the most efficient solution.

Then, when Carmy tries the dish and feels stunned by it, he has to make an ambiguous excuse on the fly and just finishes every chance of them using the recipe by saying, "is not ready yet"

And what does he do next? He goes to show the crew a recipe that is extremely complicated for the level they are operating at currently—they said so themselves. I think the recipe is a variation of Donna's butter chicken recipe. To put a nail on that coffin of his intentions to earn her love and approval at the end of it all.

But why does he do all this? Because he needs to be the hero, subconsciously, he is still that small kid begging for acceptance and love; he must go the extra mile. He cannot accept Sydney's help and partnership, because that will take away from him earning what he wants on his own merit.

In S2, he seems unenthusiastic about starting the menu in the first place. Then Claire comes along, and he tries to make it work with Syd and the menu, but I think he subconsciously thanks the universe for not having to go to his core wound. That is what self-sabotage is. That is why he bailed on the food tour with Syd, using such a stupid excuse as helping somebody else move out and never mentioning it again. He never asked her what she liked or what ideas she thought of. For most of the creative process, Syd is alone, working on her own creative crisis. The menu ends up being like two recipes they made in collaboration and then all of his family's traditional recipes. It is two of Syd's recipes and the rest of Carmy's. Then, desserts Marcus did on his own. The collaboration was superficial at best.

All of this creates the core theme of the show. The Bear was once a chaotic place (like their childhood home) that needs to evolve into an efficient, peaceful place built on love, support, and mutual collaboration like a functional family should be. Sydney is the member of this found family that forces Carmy to confront his core wound and learn he can actually be good enough while still accepting help. Therapy probably will play an important part in this theme, alongside with Carmy learning there was nothing wrong with him in the first place, that earning your parent's love is not something a kid can do.

Thankyou for reading. Gif and images are not mine.

[direquail]

You know the point of "protecting the children" dogwhistles, right? It's a reference to the idea that all queer people are child abusers. Super common belief among homophobes and transphobes, including (sometimes especially) gay ones.

It's also not just "a dogwhistle". When pressed to explain what exactly they want to protect children from, it's a ready-made emotional appeal to something that has broad social support. Most people, even if they don't like being around kids, are also not pro-child abuse. That's why conservatives go out of their way to invent (even if it's completely fictional) "reasons" why acceptance of gay and trans people amounts to child abuse. It helps them create an emotional connection with their target audience, and can be leveraged into logically ridiculous arguments like "well, if you don't agree with my platform, you must be pro child abuse, because I'm on the side of The Children".

"Protecting the children" is also super appealing to parents in particular, not because all parents are secretly authoritarians, but because it's super common to have a child and realize "Oh shit, I brought this person who can't defend themselves into the world and the world kind of sucks", and to feel horribly, horribly inadequate in the face of that.

I get very tired of people who mock, scorn, and ridicule people for falling for these rhetorical traps, or being snared by something that seems common-sense but disguises something ugly underneath. They are traps. That is what they're meant to be. That is why there are gay people who fall for anti-queer rhetoric, and get pulled into exclusionist or violently reactionary circles. We all have things we are vulnerable to, whether that is a history of being abused or a deep fear that we cannot protect our own children, who we brought into the world and are responsible for the protection of. And we gain nothing by mocking the latter.

I'm sure it makes some people feel great to say "well if you were really who you claim to be, you wouldn't fall for this shit", but frankly, that's a stupid-ass take. It misses entirely that these messages are carefully crafted by the people who hate us! They workshop these statements! They spend months or years trying to find the right message and when they find it they use the hell out of it, because it works. Because they are listening to the public conversations people are having online, and it doesn't take any level of basic agreement to be capable of regurgitating the party line word-for-word.

I am so sick of people who look at a deeply-embedded struggle over social and political ideals and think that this fight won't demand our whole brains and hearts and souls and yeah, we might fuck up because we care deeply and sometimes, people with bad intentions prey on that. On our grief and our fear and our rage.

And I'm frankly a lot more nervous around people who refuse to be aware of that, especially when they loudly mock the people who are willing to acknowledge their own fallibility and explore how they got ensnared in something. People are not moral machines, they are people.

[chvoswxtch]

a wrap on the bodyguard

this is a really bittersweet moment for me. i've been trying to find the words to really capture how i've been feeling about this whole thing, and I don't know if these are even enough to fully express it, but i've been sitting with this for a few days since posting the final chapter and watching y'all respond to it, and they feel right in this moment

when I first got the request for bodyguard frank, I had no idea it would turn into what it did. it never would’ve been possible without kate, whom I am immensely grateful for and forever indebted to, who gave me the gift of this incredible idea, and her wonderful friendship

even when so many of you asked for a part 2, I didn’t think it would go beyond that. but this very quickly became a passion project for me that I spent over a year and a half on, spanned 26 chapters, and is made up of roughly 130k words. it challenged me to step outside my comfort zone, and showed me I could do something I didn’t think I was capable of

to all of you who took the time to read this series, whether you kept up with it from the beginning, or you just recently found it and binged, to all of you who interacted with it and me in any way, from the bottom of my heart, genuinely and sincerely, thank you. you don’t know how much it meant to me. every single one of y'all have helped me to become a better writer and gave me more confidence in myself, and showed me to grant myself more grace when it came to being overly self-critical

I have loved books since I was a shy kid who struggled to make friends, whose only way of traveling and meeting new people sometimes was in those books, and being an author and creating that feeling for someone else has always been a dream. because of y’all, that dream has come true. I looked forward to seeing the reactions and comments and feedback from every single one of y’all every single time, and getting to watch y’all fall in love with something I created was such an incredible experience

if you’re looking for your sign to start that project or post that thing you did, do it. creating is hard, and sharing it with the world is scary, but it is such a rewarding thing, and you never know what it could turn into

I am so unbelievably honored and overwhelmed and blown away by the kindness and love y’all have shown this story, and me. I am so happy it brought so many of y’all to me, and that it’s created friendships I cherish so much. this story was a gift to me that I feel so lucky to share with all of y’all. so please, enjoy it as much as you like, it’s yours

with all the love in my heart,

court 🖤

[christinebloodwrittings]

Engraved on the knowledge tree.

Request by: @white-00-7

Pairing: Lucifer x Fem!Angel-Reader Summary: It is said that time turns people you know into people you don't anymore. When your prayers weren't answered, you decided to visit your dearest friend, in Hell. Warnings: Slight angst, Adam and Eve mention, fluff, NSFW.

“Dearest Sami:

I have heard of your new position in the heavens, congratulations! You must be very happy, as I am for you. The flowers of the garden are exquisite, I’ll bring you a few when I go up to visit. How are you now, are you still picking fights with Michael?

Yours truly, Y/n, principality of the south wall.”

“Dear Y/n:

Principality, oh my! I guess I’m not the only one with a big promotion. I am well, swarmed with papers of matters that yet don’t exist, if that was possible. I have a proposition for a new animal, I will show it to the council and let you know what they tell me.

And Michael is still a pain in everybody’s shoes, certainly someone’s been putting something in his oatmeal every morning, not that I have anything to do about it…or maybe I have.

How are things in the garden? I heard the big man was about to make something new.

Yours truly, Samael Morningstar”

“Dearest Sami:

My word! A new animal? I hope it is fluffy or cute, but that is perfectly capable given your gifted mind. And yes, the big boss is creating something he called “People”, we have yet to wait on his final design, he has tried many methods to create one, but they crumble down.

Don’t bother your sibling, Sami, you know you’ll get in trouble again. I hope you succeed in your presentation.

Yours truly, Y/n, principality of the south wall.”

“Dear Y/n:

I indeed succeeded! Soon you’ll see what will be called a duck floating in the lake of the garden, it has both yellow and white feathers, with a beak on their faces! Most adorable.

What is he making them with? I heard he’s going to try mud next; I do hope that works now.

 Which leads me to the next question: at what full moon will you bless me with your company here? I have no one to annoy Michael with, I miss you!

Waiting for your letter, loved the little gardenia inside.

Yours truly, Samael Morningstar”

“Dearest Sami:

I am so glad you liked it! He has succeeded as well! He calls it a “Man”, he’s oddly like us, without our immortal glow and wings of course, he looks simple and fragile, but strong. Adam, the first man! Very smart as well.

I am afraid I have to stand guard, big boss’s orders, so the day I had planned going up had been postponed. I’m so sorry.

Here’s a loose feather of your latest creation! Cute as they can be, the human was the first to caress them. The feathers are the softest thing I have ever felt, even more so than petals. You are brilliant Sami!

Yours truly, Y/n, principality of the south wall.”

“Dearest Y/n:

Oh my! It’s better than I had ever imagine! Though it fills me with grief knowing that I won’t see my dearest friend in a while, but no one can fight against the big man.

I have heard that the man feels alone, so he will be making him a companion, what he calls a woman. To be his equal and support.

The first one to jump on the idea was cupid, as you can imagine, she loved it, so much that she and the big man are discussing her appearance.

Thank you for the feather, still, I would like to see you.

Yours truly, Samael Morningstar”

After Lilith was created, there was almost no letters from Samael. You, dearest reader, couldn't imagine why.

There was an exact number of twelve letters sent to Samael, but the only one that came back, when the skies were tainted red, was to join the fight against a rebellious angel and his legion of insurgents.

Armed and sadly ready to make a move as the front line, you saw Samael, your friend at the other side of the battlefield, your heart crumbled as you were hit by your comrades running off to battle.

An arrow sent you against the ground, then the fire burnt most of your wings and skin as you retreated, last thing you saw was a blinding light, then all of the rebellious team sank down on the ground, including your beloved friend, who had in his arms the first woman.

After the light, fire stars showered down from the skies, one last deed before the angels fell from the heavens, pass the grounds of earth to the new kingdom, Hell.

Your once pearly skin was tainted with burn marks, golden patches colliding with the pale hue. The pain spread across your arm, portions of your torso and multiple specks on your face, similar to freckles but in reality, those were tiny fire marks from when they collapsed on the ground.

Ever since that day, Samael turned into Lucifer.

“This is absurd! How in the- HOW was she able to redeem a sinner?” you heard Sera yell on the other side of her conference room. “Who cares?! The princess did it, there’s hope for hell after all!” Emily cheered and with reason, redemption down there seemed impossible, now it’s a reality Heaven must seize.

“Y/n! can I ask you a favor?” Emily peeked her head out from the door, “Sure miss” you replied, after there was no garden to guard, you were put as a regular soldier, just making sure everything is as perfect as it always seems to be.

“I need you to take this letter to Charlie Morningstar, okay?” why she didn’t go herself? Because as a seraphim she would have to go through Michael and the rest to be allowed to do so, and that could take another hundred years.

“Sure thing, your eminence” you walked away from the building, eyeing through the door the snake winner, internally speechless.

The portal was opened in direction to the Heaven Embassy. As you walked around the streets, sinners looked at you both in fear and repulsion, you couldn’t blame them really, “Fear not, I do not with to harm you” it work in matters that they started to ignore you, resuming they lives. Though you couldn’t stop hearing the screams and nasty comments made.

“You bitch, is your fucking angels fault!” a demon yelled before throwing a stone your way, hitting your shoulder, so a lot of other demons cue in throwing stones at your body. You dismissed the act and kept walking, knowing that if you retaliate things could escalate and become worse.

Besides, after the fire burnt your skin, you almost didn’t feel anything on your back.

The shiny building named ‘Hazbin Hotel’ had a different aura surrounding it, no wonder they were able to redeem someone.

You knocked on the door a few times, a cat like demon opened, his eyes wide as he eyed you up, “What do you want?” he bitterly asked, defensively, “Exterminators gave us a bad rep, huh?” you tried to ease the tension, “I’m here to speak with Miss Morningstar” he looked at the sword attached to your hip, “Loose the sword” he spit, his ears pinned down behind his head, “If it makes you feel safer, here, just don’t let it go into the wrong hands” when he had the weapon on his hand he stepped aside.

“Husk, is everything okay?” your previous dead like feeling melted away, she was the living image of your friend, exactly the same lovely feeling he used to irradiate, “Oh hi! Welcome to the Hazbin hotel!” she took your hand, pulling you further inside, “Oh wow, those are the greenest eyes I’ve ever seen!” she took your face in her hands, rising a golden blush on your face, seeing pass her glow to see just his image, and adoring the same reaction upon meeting you.

“Lovely to meet you, princess, my name is Y/n. I have come with a letter from the Seraphim Emily” you tried to fix your emotions by detach yourself from them, almost impossible when she looked so much like Lucifer, it hurt your insides, even more than your scars.

“Since when soldiers like yourself deliver correspondence?” you heard the red smiling demon jest from the other side of the parlor, “Since the garden of Eden faded” did he meant soldier as an insult? Or he made reference to your wounds? You fidgeted with a strand of your long silver mane.

“I didn't know angels could have freckles” an ex-exterminator made an observation, “Those are burns Maggie, I recognize my own work when I see it” the voice of the former archangel sent a shiver up your spine, thousands of years without hearing his voice made you almost forget it.

Your stomach twisted inside your body, much like Lucifer’s when you turned around and saw you. You were given the image of a lion for your strength and brave heart, he always made a mess of your hair when he wanted to pet your fluffy ears, saying that in between all the angels with your same physique, you were one of a kind, given your white fur instead of the caramel looking one.

He had always made you feel special, and just like that he turned his back on you.

“Y/n, principality of the south wall” he seemed a stranger to that name, centuries without saying it out loud, “Lucifer Morningstar, king of Hell” you curtsied, and oh how it hurt his pride. “No need for that, Y/n, I’m so glad to see you well” he extended his hand, repressing jumping to hug you, given that the last thing he saw as he fell was you under a bunch of his flames.

“Likewise” you felt his hand, rough and calloused, “Will you stay for dinner, or you have to fly back?” you couldn’t fly anymore, just to show him you expanded your backbones, allowing him to see the naked bones lacking flesh and feathers, “Even if I wanted to, I can’t, but the embassy isn’t far away”.

He remembered your wing ceremony, those were hours and hours of soaring creation by his side, enjoying your freedom, and because of him, you were stranded in the ground like a defeated bird.

The room was in a mix of awe and pity, seeing the damage created by a war made for love, then the princess interrupted with the news of her redeemed friend, it was all laughter and joy. But for some reason Lucifer couldn’t stop looking at you, all that damage, all the pain and recovery that you must’ve endured.

“Y/n, you’ll have to stay” he worded that sentence so weird, he had to make another go with it pointing the sky, clouded and dripping. “It’s just rain, I can walk just fine” the radio demon cleared his throat, calling your attention, “It’s acid rain, my dear, I’m afraid you won’t make it pass the door” upon the demon’s hand on your shoulder Lucifer’s eyes turned red for a fraction of a second.

“In that case, princess, would you mind sparing a room? I’ll leave first thing in the morning” she dismissed you calling her princess, “Call me Charlie, and yes, but the rain lasts at least a couple of weeks” you found weird that she stuttered her sentence, so much you thought she was lying.

“Charlie, if you want me to stay for some reason you can just say so” she fiddled with her suit, “I mean is true that the rain lasts a few days, but I want you to see what we can do to redeem sinners, and you could pass the message?” her way to ask for her hotel sake and her father’s was cute, you were unknowing of the latter though.

“Very well” you felt her snaping your back in the tightest hug ever, “Oh thank you, thank you!” she yelled into your chest, “Ah, Charlie I love you, but let her go please, you have yet to control your strength” Vaggie ran to your side, to take her girlfriend away from you, only then both your soul and the air came back to you.

“Like father like daughter” you muttered breathlessly, Alastor holding your arm to support you, “Really?” she lighted up even more, as if that was possible. “Exact quality hug, but he broke two ribs in the process” you let out a laugh, this time the one with the golden blush was lucifer.

“Miss Y/n, you must be tired, how about I escort you to a room?” Alastor took the opportunity to kiss the back of your hand as he pulled you towards the stairs, only to be blocked by Lucifer, “I think is best for me to do it, she’s my friend” he made an emphasis on ‘my’ when he spoke, trying to take your hand from his, but Alastor took his feet away with his tendrils coming from the floor.

“I am the host of the hotel; it is my duty” his smile grew on his face, focusing only in getting into Lucifer’s skin, he didn’t noticed you walking away, “I’m the king of hell!” Lucifer roared annoyed. “Charlie dearest, how about you take me? You are the owner of the hotel” she giggled awkwardly seeing the scene, “This way, ignore them, they do this every day” her comment made you let out a laugh, “I can imagine”.

Lucifer watched you go away with Charlie, the sway of your hips along with your hair falling down to your middle back, made him feel a tingle going up and down his body. “She is a majestic sight to behold” the drop that made Lucifer snap from his stare, “Touch her again, and I’ll forget you are friends with my daughter, bellboy” poor Alastor saw dots of light, when the king hit exactly where his wound was.

Later that night, after Charlie had gifted you a robe and a toothbrush set to use, you stared at the city, seated in a sofa chair next to the window, a cup of tea that Husk had made for you, as a way to apologize for his bitter attitude earlier, which you smiled and told him that it was rather admirable of him, to be so invested in protecting his friends.

You heard a knock, “Y/n? Are you awake?” you thought for a minute, before getting on your feet and adjust your robe. Lucifer was outside your door, his tail wrapped around his leg for moral support, his heart on his throat as he had told himself over a hundred times to just go and talk with you, before actually running down the stairs to your room.

Your mind was plagued with thoughts as well, what might he want? Is he going to apologize for what happened? Is he just going to catch up with you? But of course your body was faster than your mind, because you had opened the door.

Your divine light illuminated his eyes, rising the blush once again when he saw you mere in a long robe, “Yes?” you softly asked, “Do you- ehem, would you like to talk? I mean with me? Not that you couldn’t with anyone else, just- I mean this situation, can we?” you laughed at his ramble, “Come in” his tail lightened around his leg as he entered your room.

“So, uhm, it has been a while” he sat in the chair opposite to yours, “It has” you took another sip of your tea, “Azrael took your place to annoy Michael, the other day he found a roach in his coffee” the ice breaker worked just fine, Lucifer discarded his hat on a side, and laughed his heart out imagining the scene, “And here I thought the angel of death had no sense of humor” he said in between laughs, “You would be surprised” you took another sip.

He swallowed a tight ball of saliva as you crossed one leg over the other, allowing your shiny skin flash him for a second, “I wrote to you nonetheless” his eyes traveled up to your piercing green eyes, “You did?” he heard a low ‘mmh’ before your answer, “I received a letter from the queen, saying that you didn’t wanted to associate with someone like me” you materialized the letter, reading it out loud.

“Estimated Y/n.

I would like you to stop sending your letters, my husband is beyond your pity and sympathy. He doesn’t with to associate with someone like you. We are pretty much done with heaven after what happened.

I suggest you start acting with more dignity and stop trying to romance a married man.

Regards, Lilith Morningstar, queen of Hell.”

You dropped it to the ground, “I kept writing though, eventually, I just tossed my quill and paper, hopeless” he went on his knees, taking the letter into his hands, before looking up from your legs to your face, “Even after…that?” another hum, “Well, it was almost for nothing, she left me seven years ago” you didn’t know whether to give up the façade and offer him some kindness or continue, “That’s unfortunate” you said out of nothing.

“I think apologizing isn’t the best way to go here” his hand was suddenly on your calf, just feeling your softness, “So, can I tempt you? So maybe the next time I see you will be sooner than ten thousand years?” his yellow hue eyes shone in the dead of night right against your leg, in which he rubbed his cheek.

“I- I can’t, what will they say?” he smiled, pushing himself up, his chest slowly rising against your knee, until his face was inches from yours, “If they throw you out of heaven, I promise to catch you” he whispered, “Don’t play with me, devil” you warned, the light white fur on your neck spiked up as a response of the amount of chills his sudden touch on your hips was given you.

“I’m not, I promise I’m not, but as a matter of facts, I had a dream about you” your leg fell from your opposite knee, giving him accidentally, the opportunity to push himself between them. He took your face in his hands, caressing strands of hair away as he settled his sight on your eyes.

“Your eyes remind me of the grasslands of Eden, of the first emeralds, they are so full of life and beauty, just like the bearer. I won't say that the dream haunted me, because I was really waiting for the light of hell to come down just to dream of you, seven consecutive years since my wife left me”

Tears burned their way down your face, “I…missed you too” his breath was so suddenly close, you shut your eyes without knowing what to expect. He smiled, you were still you, “Y/n” he called you, “Tell me you enjoy being a soldier, and I’ll walk away” subtle, lovely, a kiss to your upper cheek, right below your eyes, catching a tear that slipped.

“I don’t, but you just left, and when she comes back, you’ll leave again” “Not this time” “You promise?” “I promise” he waited a couple of seconds for you to say something else, your face was so conflicted, he didn’t knew if you didn't wanted him, or you hated him, but he had no response.

Your lack of words guided his hand to cup your face with one hand, gently at first, then he slipped pass your hair to the back of your head and pulled roughly until he could devour your mouth like he had dreamed, biting, without regard, the soft flesh of your lips.

"Kitten, you taste better than I could ever dream" he lowered his head to your collarbone and from there to your chin he licked like a snake getting a taste of his prey. The sensation of his rough forked tongue sent a shiver down your spine.

You wanted to resist, but his kisses, were so skillful, his hands suddenly grabbed your hips, lifting you up with ease, automatically you hooked your legs behind his back, then your hands flew to hang on his shoulders.

Your back hit the soft bed, in one swift motion, still having at least one hand on your hips to keep you grounded.

He wanted to have you, fast, but also take his time, the bulge in his pants wasn’t making his situation any better for him. You were damned and lost in his caresses, your hands were all over his back and hair, his own matching your movements, while his pelvis teased yours, rub after rub, both undergarments were soaking wet.

As time went by, your doubts dissipated in between his hungry kisses. He sat up, with his hands he threw his coat aside and opened his shirt for you to see, waiting to see if you wanted to escalate or maybe tone things down a notch, he was fine as long as he could still make your lips all swollen as they were.

He watched your hands travel down to the straps of the robe, undoing the knot and allowing him to see the light pink lace lingerie you were wearing. Your pale skin, the lingerie, plus the golden burn marks made such a nice color palette on you, he felt he turned harder just seeing all he could have If he had made the right choice in the garden.

“Do I look that good, seducer?” he noticed your lips moving but it was as if he was in a trance, you were just so “Divine” he let out while going down against your belly, leaving kisses on every rough burnt spot, “I’m so sorry” your hand was petting his head, making him drop moans of his own as you did every time he touched you.

“Do you always wear this under your armor? Or you were hoping to see me?” your blush and the way your eyes moved away from him proved you guilty, “My, my, if I didn’t knew better my dear, that puts you in line to be damned for the sin of lust” his tail caressed the inside of your thigh a few times as he purr those words, making you shake in anticipation.

“Will that turn me into a sexy demon?” he laughed, his tail flicking against your clothed bundle of nerves skillfully, “I’ll see to it if you allow me to” his teeth bit into your neck, not drawing blood but enough to add to your collection, “Lucifer, please” you moaned breathlessly, “May I taste you?” his horns popped out of his head as he looked on your eyes for consent, “Fuck it, yes” his disheveled look was a such a tripping hazard.   

Your robe hanged on your elbows as you looked up to see what he was up to, he was kissing the inside of your thigh while he discarded your panties, having the sight of your wetness all to himself. Looking directly to you he wet his lips before licking you clit, making you shiver, then your legs were secured on his shoulders before he went in.

Lapping your folds like a starved man, drinking in your essence like it was the finest wine, he delighted himself in your beauty, “At this rate, I’ll end up corrupting you, my sweet kitten” he took your soft tail in his hand, twisting it around his arm. “Will you make yourself responsible?” he purred in response, taking in his teeth, gently, your clit, teasing a moan out of your throat, “Why of course darling, if you think I’m letting you go easy now, you’re dreamin’ baby” he winked, making his way up, with a flick of his fingers his clothes were gone, as well as your robe.

“I’m truly sorry about what happened” you pulled him up for a heated kiss, tasting yourself in his lips as you did. He then asked for permission for the main thing, in which you said yes in between kisses. His hips collided with yours with each thrust, the sound of skin slapping and the wet sounds filled the room, as did your moans and his.

Ecstasy was a word you wouldn't use for that moment it was too simple. Suddenly there was a knock on your door, “Y/n? Are you okay, we heard a noise” you looked down and your cup was smashed against the floor, you must’ve knocked it at some point.

Panic filled Lucifer’s mind at the voice of his daughter on the other side, “I’m fine Charlie, I merely knocked a cup accidentally, go back to sleep” you heard her say an ‘Okay’ accompanied with a yawn.

He then took himself out of you for a few seconds, then pulled your body towards him, rotating your hips until you were on all fours. He grabbed your hair and he continued fucking you, the thrusts getting stronger and more accurate.

"Stay here, with me, please" he breathed against your ear, to which you couldn't respond, the heat clouded your senses, a warm feeling crawled up your core to your chest, a feeling you knew the meaning of.

"You’re squeezing me so tight" he said in between panted laughs, "Stay, please" you shook your head, “Please love” he bit your shoulder, seeing the golden blood turn red as it went down your back, “There’s no turning back now, anyways, you’re stuck with me” he started thrusting with his life when he saw your eyes turn black, your iris still as green as it was.

“Mine, MINE” he growled, hands on yours as he felt you squeeze him as you came. “Yes, yours” you spoke out of breath, mind blown entirely.

His six long wings had spread out when he finished, so he took the opportunity to take your body in his arms and wrap you in the pile of soft, warm feathers, filling your face with kisses as he positioned both under the covers, “We’ll clean up tomorrow, I don’t want to let you go” you laughed as he whispered those words with kisses under your chin, “Please don’t ever” you hugged his back with one arm, the other hand scratching his head, pulling out a purring sound from him.

You were far too corrupted to go back now.

[genderkoolaid]

How do you respond to people who try to argue against various gender affirming surgeries with anorexic people wanting liposuction? I tried to point out that theres a lot of gender affirming surgeries for cis people who dont feel feminine/masculine enough, but my sister said that those people need therapy too. I feel that there's a difference between trans people and anorexic people but idk how to put it into words, im scared i accidentally made her more transphobic bc i didnt have arguments :(

Good question! It's important to question and critique our ideas of what separates "good, natural desires which should not be changed" from "bad, unnatural desires which should be changed," and I think sometimes trans people are too quick to reaffirm this binary in our attempts to defend transness.

I would say that the difference here is based in anxieties. Anorexia is born out of anxiety- which is to say, a persist concern over something that triggers strong emotional reactions and which you keep returning to over and over and over without resolution. Dysphoria can and does cause anxiety, but you can be dysphoric without having anxiety over it. You can have dysphoria, find relief, and be satisfied with your body, while there is never any satisfaction point with eating disorders. There is always a feeling of "not enough" because the desire to be skinnier is born out of anxiety over what it means to be fat & fatness' place in society (lesser value, moral weakness, medical abuse, etc.).

Like I said, dysphoria can and does cause anxiety. There are trans people who obsess over their bodies being too masculine/feminine because they are concerned with what it means for them to be too masculine/feminine: it means they aren't real, they are ugly, they're failure. And this is why its important for trans people to sit with our dysphoria and analyze it. If you are constantly worrying about your body being "real" enough, no amount of surgery or HRT will fix that (although it may fix many things).

Now, I am generally against any solution thats like "we should stop Those People from doing x because We know whats best for them!" because autonomy is a vital part of my beliefs, and I think that people rarely ever react well to being banned from doing something Because Mother Knows Best. The real goal with, say, EDs, is to get rid of the artificial desire for thinness by combating fatphobia (ah, if only all the anti-ED campaigns out there did this). The same with plastic surgery: I would much rather we focus on dismantling the system that makes people (esp. perceived women) feel they need to make their bodies fulfill the beauty standard, than saying that plastic surgery is Evil and we should stop anyone from ever getting it, because those little people aren't capable of using their basic right to bodily autonomy correctly. When we ban something, what we really want is to change people's desires. But that requires cultural change, and laws don't create cultural change out of thin air. Its like how yelling at your kids doesn't make them more honest or better people, it just makes them better liars.

Given that trans people exist in every society, potentially going back to the Stone Age, even after we unwork systemic misogyny & homophobia, trans people are still gonna want surgeries. So we should just work on combating those things instead of trying to control people's bodies.

[silentstaresfanficandfanart]

For the record guys writing an actual book vs writing a fanfiction actually isint that different but the important key thing to note is you have to write what you love and of what you love

dont worry about audience dont worry about trends , dont worry about people who dont love what you make, focus on writing what you love. Youll write a whole lot more and you'll be writing something you considered worth writing, and that makes it a whole lot more worth reading.

and it will be *fun* You can absolutely casually write books for funsies and not because youre desperately trying to get a book published

I've written like, three last year. And each time it took like, two weeks? make an outline of your idea, fall in love with your characters and world, make it something you could research and discuss for hours, write a bit each day and have a clear idea of where each chapter is going and what your end goal is. you'll reach it eventually.

i started this hobby dreaming of being able to just write *one* book one day once in my life

Now i can casually pick up a new book idea and have it done in under a month. Why? because i practice and i have a lot of freetime admittedly but its primarily because i kept writing every day (AND HAD A CLEAR GOAL OF WHERE I WAS GOING and knew about what to expect, its really really hard to reach the finish line if you have no idea where it is-)

you can write 50,000 words in a single year by writing about 140 (a bit under actually) words a day. and you can write it a WHOLE lot faster if you write more than that. (personally i've managed to write that many in 3 days at my top speed but please do NOT try to replicate *that* i had like pain for weeks and tingling hands after, please do not look at that as something to look up to, that is not a flex, that is a warning , im pretty sure the maximum safe number of words you can write in a day is about 5,000 and if i go over that much the tingles come back in my hands, so like, be careful please. if youre really digging into writing and you find its super fun you will have to be careful and take breaks and be cautious about your health ive wound up ADORING writing but like, you can go too far and get injured)

the whole tldr is: writing a book is not that hard really

but you gotta believe in yourself

you've gotta respect your own wishes and chase the things that make you happy

and youre gonna make it way harder on yourself if you put it on some giant pedestal

authors arent special supernatural creatures that create worlds, theyre humans

and one of the coolest skills us humans have is the ability to create worlds. *all of us* have that ability.

i believe in you

and for the record it took me several years to write my first book-

my second book took 6 days

my third took 3

oh frick ive written four books, sick

okay my fourth book? that one i freaking paced myself like a sane person and finished it in like two weeks which i think is pretty sick and i didint approach my danger threshhold of 5,000 words

and that i think is about the pace id like to go with my books in general frankly-

why am i capable of this? because im not worrying so hard over if im being cringe, because im letting myself be self indulgent, have fun, and letting myself become my own biggest fan. Sincerely please have fun and stop thinking so hard about your audience and stuff, please go have fun my friends and try to treat writing as a hobby first and other things later

yes even if you want to do it for a career

especially even because then your audience will be made up of people that actually have the same interests as you and actually like the things you like and then you get to write for people who like your specific weird little brand of writing

please, authors get stuck in a genre if they write too much in it , write what makes you happy or youll feel increasingly obligated to be stuck in one genre

im probably super super privledged to be able to say all this and i KNOW i am to be able to have the time to spend as long as i personally do on writing, but the truth is is that whether you do all those hours in one day or spread out over the course of weeks and months, youre still gonna get those words in and what you write will still be just as worthy of love and admiration as the works of any other and its gonna take the same number of hours regardless of if you do it in a day or a year (like i get it i can write fast but the real reason i got it done so fast is just i have way more free time than average and was able to write for 6 hours a day, unrealistic for most people as you can imagine)

this is not meant to be a ohh lo ok at me i can write so fast and i can write so much thing because im also the same person who spent over 5 years trying and failing to write one book and feeling overwhelmed because i thought writing was this impossible magical dream on a pedestal and it turns out no its like, just like really fun if you dont panic so hard about rules and regulations and popularity and pleasing an invisible audience.

I'm saying this because i thought it was this impossible thing

im saying this because i really truly want to live in a world where people write as gleefully about their ocs and worlds theyve made up the way they write fanfictions

you can worry about cleaning it up later for now just make sure you actually make something you love enough to find joy in creating it.

im just a little weirdo who fell in love with writing

i really hope maybe this can make you less scared of falling in love with writing

and reassure you also that **writing fanfiction is just as real of writing as regular writing and is part of what taught me how to actually have fun writing and writing about what brings me joy**

and that your work, no matter how short or long, original fiction or fanfiction, first draft or thousandth, is legitimate and yes you can complete it, youll be okay, and even if you dont, youll only psych yourself out if you turn it into a giant mountain to climb

the old tale of the tortise and the hare still shines true

slow and steady wins the race.

(i say this especially as a hare, because i could keep running without a break but ill get freaking injured, even those who can be hares must rest if they want to reach the finish line, and unlike in a real race theres no set time you need to do this in, theres no deadline, all that matters is eventually reaching the end)

youve got this

youre doing great

and please keep writing, but do so for fun, without shame, without judgement, and without comparison. there is no room for self judgement and shame in a happy life, and please, compliment yourself, own your achievements, be proud of yourself.

and if you can, please comment on here or reblog telling me about your project and what youre doing right now to work on it

celebrate your achievements, and celebrate each others achievements in the comments.

no shame. no judgement.

*no self deprecation allowed.*

self deprecation is not a virtue and you will never know how bright you could shine if you snuff out your own light the second you dare consider it might exist at all.

so get in there and brag and if youre up for it or dont have anything youre able to share just yet, tell us what you love most about writing or favorite tropes! :3 have fun! love you guys!

[the-curse-of-neoclones]

Moderneopets Artist Mistreatment

Edit as of 11/16/23 10:40 AM NST:

Removed names where I failed to do so before. I'm very sorry to the affected parties, this snowballed so far out of my intended scope.

Edit as of 11/16/23 5:30 PM NST

Please see this post for a small update.

As of 11/16/23 10:10 PM NST, Hazer the site owner has formally and publicly apologized to myself and Velu, the other affected artist. As far as I'm concerned he has officially handled the situation as best as he could, and I hold no further qualms with Moderneopets. I hope to hear of its management continuing in this direction.

The following post is left up for archival purposes only.

*****

Hello, I’m wren. I'm an artist responsible for some of the pet assets on the neoclone, Moderneopets. I'm just going to get into it.

Hazer was extremely lucky to somehow cultivate a dense group of largely professional artists to work together to make assets for his site. When it comes to his own management as a site runner, he’s largely hands-off of the art department, which is a good thing! If he can’t be active in the art panel enough to know what goes on in there, he shouldn’t be running it— we have many strong, capable artists on the team who are passionate about recreating the neopets style, who work together on every pet that has been released ever since critique became a requirement. 

It makes sense that, with a project this large, Hazer should have to designate moderators to enforce rules when he is absent. Choosing to bring on moderators was also a good decision. Unfortunately, he chose poorly. 

Art panel issues should have separate Art panel moderators to take care of them. People who are not overburdened with generic moderation duties from the many other channels of the server, for example. In the same vein, artists should not be moderators. When an artist has an issue with another artist, who happens to be a moderator (which has happened many times, with many people— If the mods actually open threads for all complaints they receive, they should have evidence of this & if they don’t they are not being truthful), the artist would likely not feel comfortable approaching that same artist-slash-moderator to complain about what happened. It breeds an aura of fear and discomfort any time there is an issue with an artist/mod, and that is why the two moderators on the team should have to choose one or the other if hazer wants to cultivate a healthy atmosphere in his panel. 

I’ve created many pets for this website. Neopets has been a passion of mine since the third grade. I’m also one of those professional artists I mentioned— my work is also art, industry or otherwise. I care about breaking neopets down into their core, recognizable shapes. I care about keeping them on-model and in the spirit of the original TNT art team, with improvements made where I and the other panelists think they make sense. I have redlined for other artists to an even greater degree, just as other artists have redlined for me and helped me finalize each pet into something simply good: something that made sense to get put on a little passion project website for other people with a similar passion to enjoy. I found the panel to be a community of likeminded artists with which to discuss our favorite childhood petsite while we made art for a clone, as if we could pretend we were making art for neopets-dot-com. It was nice. 

It wasn’t perfect, though. In fact, shortly after I joined in 2021 I took a hiatus because the art panel was fairly dead. I came back a little while later to see we had several new species, as well as an art director, and lots of activity! That was very exciting. Over the next year I would reach out to the panel or, if nobody was sure of how to proceed, I would reach out to the art director to propose ideas for how to make the panel a little more functional; quality of life updates, if you will. I don’t take credit for all of these alone, there were other artists with similar ideas all communicating to the director in private, but some examples: 

A designated “collab” zone where artists could seek out other artists to complete pets with. 

“The Purge,” in which the team was whittled down to ~25 current, active artists to refresh the team and allow for new artists to join. 

“The Approval System,” which I first sat down with in my workshop (public to all artists) to hammer out the details with as many other artists as wanted to give their input— a method for pitching new ideas to eventually break through the “new species/color freeze” that had been plaguing us.

Speaking on the approval system: like most things that required Hazer’s direct input in the art team, it was left without response for a very long time. Artists with ideas for custom species or colors would occasionally murmur about their excitement for the system to get a look-over by hazer, to see if our approval system pitch would be approved. But hazer is busy, as we all know, and the pitch sat for a while. We had new & returning artists on the team to keep everyone busy. 

What I would expect from a years-old panel of artists, when new additions arrive, would be some manner of tutorial. New artists would need to know the pipeline (here’s your workshop, you can post WIPs and anything else in there; here’s how you ping for critique, here are the spaces in which to ask for it; make sure you always ping before your work is submitted on-site), and there would likely be some acclimating on both sides. What I did not expect (but should have), was pushback from new artists on things that hadn’t had pushback in a long time. Why can’t [x] color be a posechange? Well, we’ve created many already and none of them were posechanges. Why can’t I use colored lineart? Well, that isn’t in line with the style standards set by this color; see, nobody else is coloring their lineart. 

Suddenly there was a divide between veteran artists, the director, and the new blood. The divide felt greater when Hazer came to his new artist’s aid to say, approximately: “Eh, if someone wants to go above and beyond and make better art, they shouldn’t have to adhere to the guidelines.” Then he threw the art director under the bus for not somehow knowing that his intentions were always to keep the panel loose and unstructured. But don’t worry, that isn’t the first bus and won’t be the last.

My personal investment in the panel waned around that time. I think a structured “work” environment with easily accessible rules and deadlines is necessary to any project of this size. If we didn’t want to enforce color standards, nor prioritize certain colors for release, and anyone could just submit whatever Nice Art they wanted, why not open it up so any user could submit pet art? Why have a panel at all? Isn’t Hazer taking any opportunity to dunk on Leopets because he wants his site to be better? How is this different? 

But I stuck around. This was a hobby I really enjoyed, after all, and I really believed it could get better. It had a good core, and despite my grievances with individual artists, none of them were bad people. 

But I noticed some trends. New artists would receive feedback that they didn’t agree with and retaliate by bringing in their emotions or personal preferences. Any disagreement where multiple veteran artists stepped in to say their piece would escalate to the point of very long messages on both sides, and would need to be left to hazer to give a final input. Often he didn’t come around to it, because he’s busy, as we know. I didn’t step in to every argument; they became cyclical after a while, and I didn’t have the time or energy to spend simply tapping the proverbial sign (or style sheet). I would try to give positive suggestions when I could, for example: I don’t think this color needs another alt for just one single design, but we did talk about eventually making this color that your design would fit into really well. 

I’ve done my time having arguments on the internet. I really just want an art environment where the rules are set and people actually enjoy following them, because I do— I see art rules as helpful guidelines at best and obstacles to cleverly navigate at worst, which is still fun. But of course not everyone is going to feel the same way, that’s normal; that’s life. 

On 11/9 I was given this message by Hazer: 

It reads:

Hello wren,

I am reaching out to you today to inform you that effective immediately you are being dismissed from the Artist and Consultant Panels. This decision has been reached through discussions and based on repeated offences in the form of user harassment and subjecting the panels to a toxic atmosphere, after multiple reports and concerns brought up to us by other users.

While we understand concerns regarding panel management, there is a distinct difference between criticising and condeming the way the panel does things and criticising and condeming users that are on the panel, and we believe this line has been crossed one too many times, further supported by concerns brought to us.

We appreciate the passion and drive of our team—all of them—and we understand you have been very passionate about the panel. Given some of the messages we see, we have also concluded that due to things in the panel not working out as you have wished, it has caused you much stress and upset as well, which we do not want. All in all, we've decided that the atmosphere of the panel and your own enjoyment of the website are hampered by your presence on it. Because of this, we have decided it is best to have you part ways with the staff sections of the website.

Effective immediately after this message, we will be permanently removing you from the panels. While normally we do a temporary removal, in this case we've seen that your compatability with our management and handling of the panel will not improve, and it will just bring stress to both sides.

We understand you have put a lot of passion into the projects you have been working on for release in Moderneopets, and in lieu of that, we offer you the option of having the project(s) still be released even after dismissal. Rewards will still be granted for releases per usual, and credit will still be given. If you decide, due to dismissal, you do not want your unreleased work to be released on Moderneopets, simply state it as such, and we will discard all progress on projects you have been working on to respect those wishes.

This decision is final and will not be revoked.

Best wishes to you,

The Moderneopets Team

[end caption]

My response:

It reads: 

No warnings huh?

[end caption]

Hazer didn’t have an answer for me. I was already removed from the panel. 

This came as a shock. I’d been there for over two years, I felt I had a good rapport with the other artists, I felt I’d been a helpful and active addition to the team. Like I said, I’ve done my time having arguments on the internet… what toxic behavior? Discussions over style guides? Giving redlines to people with permission? Working with the whole team to bolster several new color releases? I had an entire species that Hazer wanted ready to go since March— I just pushed through the Swamp Gas release, I just created the Mystical alt? 

No warnings?

Let me reiterate: I have never been spoken to by any staff about my behavior. Hazer, his then-four moderators— none of them have ever been in my DMs to issue a warning. I have spoken TO the mods about others’ behaviors, and nothing ever came of it. The one time (and I mention this for full transparency only) the art director came to talk to me about something I said, it was stated clearly that it was not a warning, and even so I adjusted my behavior around said issue accordingly. And that was well before the purge. 

But, don’t take my word for it. Here it is from hazer himself, speaking over his mods who were busy telling the rest of the panel that they always issue warnings: 

It reads:

No in this case I do agree that this has been an abrupt situation and I understand the blind-sided-ness of it. No official warnings were given out regarding the actions that resulted in the removal of artists today and that’s on fault of myself and deebs not working things out properly despite the moderation team bringing issues to a us a few times – also due to our lack of availability recently.  [end caption]

So… What happened? Well… here it is from Hazer, in longform: 

For those who use screen readers, above are several enormous discord screenshots; I've placed it in a paste bin here: https://pastebin.com/dHLiBRTF

Two other artists immediately stepped down. Hazer admits here in his message that he and the mods had multiple tickets opened about my behavior, that they had known they wanted to remove me. They never gave a warning, never talked to me until the moment of my dismissal, but they had known it was coming for months? 

Why did Hazer and his gang of mods let me continue working on art for their panel? Why did they let me work so hard to pull Swamp Gas together for an official release? Why did they let me put together a whole custom Alt and workshop it for so long? I’ve been active this whole time. Why did you let me keep working if you knew you wanted me gone? 

I am a professional artist. My work is art. Hazer made the knowing decision to exploit my time and effort for his website. He’s not paying me, he’s not paying any of us. It’s volunteer work. But I did not volunteer to be mistreated like this. To not even be given a chance to defend myself. To him, artists are disposable. To him, if someone has worked on your team for years but speaks up when your friend tries to overturn the system, even civil discussion is cause for disposal. Civil discussion negates years of effort, passion, time and care. 

I didn’t have to make art for you, Hazer. And you don’t deserve the team you have. How many artists have voiced their discomfort with your actions? How many artists are taking a break from the panel because of how you handled this? Ah, wait, you wouldn’t know… you’re busy. 

Hazer and his mod team are just another corrupt group of individuals unfortunately heading what could have been a fun and promising petsite. Everyone who speaks praise of modneo does it by and large because of the new and unique art. Hazer was extremely lucky to cultivate a dense group of largely professional artists to work together to make assets for his site. 

If Hazer wants to show any sign of his potential to be a better person, I believe he needs to formally apologize to his site for the misuse of his power and the mistreatment and exploitation of artists on his team. He needs to apologize to you, the players of his game, the subscribers to his patreon, for allowing this to happen under his watch and under his word. You know you fucked up, hazer. You shouldn’t have sided with your friend without any actual evidence of misconduct. You shouldn’t have spoken about me like I was a toxic, subhuman hindrance to your art team. You shouldn’t have treated me like that. I didn’t deserve it. None of us did. You can apologize to me and the other lost artists publicly.

[ehh-is-the-name]

reposting this from Pinterest 'cause it makes me ill.

This dynamic makes me AOUGHHH. I will say after the show ended I haven't thought too much about them, aside from the passing "thank fuck they're free," but I feel like this isn't quite it.

As an angst lover, tearing these too apart would be, a chef's estranged kiss, but as I break down what 3gs is saying here. I just can't help but feel like it wouldn't stay like this. At some point, maybe between learning what Mephone has done and everything, 3gs might feel this way. The anger of being forever in the mental shadow of someone who could be considered worse than you is real...They're both technically pretty fuckin bad now that think about it. One aided in colonizing and destabilising a whole society and the other created and traumatized like 30 people. Both are pretty bad.

I love this and hate this dynamic for them- I love the meeple plot point so much you don't understand oh my fuckign god

Text from img under the cut:

As I delve deeper into your activities, I realize more and more how immersed you are in your grief. I feel anger towards you, because you had the opportunity to be saved, unlike me. Fear is the only thing I live by. I am the consequence of a deep fear of mistakes, I erased my sanity for the sake of your existence. You are the logical outcome of my sacrifices. You and I are alike. Both shells with an artificial soul, our emotions and feelings are not caused by chemical reactions of the mind, but are predetermined by a built-up program inside us. We are the product of experiments conducted by Meeple organization under the leadership of Steve Cobs. Our creation is aimed at ensuring his future and success. But the perfection of our creator is limitless, he will never be able to admit to himself that he is weak. Easily get influenced by your fears, your hatred. Steve Cobs is afraid to look at me after my failure, because my failure is his burden. He was responsible for ensuring my capabilities, he trained me and guided me into action. But I failed and felt the disappointment of Cobs. Looking at me, our creator comes up with the idea that he is not perfect, because he left me to suffer mental anguish in the dark places of his office. I literally became the embodiment of his nightmares. But you are a gift from heaven, a godlike creation. Your capabilities are equal to the higher powers. Steve Cobs is obsessed with the fact of your existence, he feeds on everything you live on. You are perfect, truly perfect with your embedded qualities. You have directed your gift to compensate for your emptiness, and your emptiness is due to your stay in Meeple. There you realized what it feels like to think that your existence is meant for the well-being of your creator, you are just a goal, a thing and a machine. All conscious Meeple products have survived this devaluation of their own importance. Everyone had to put up with it, except you. You've got the same rotten fate that guided Steve Cobs. You created people, conscious people, and cursed their lives for years to come. They didn't even know that you were the cause of their troubles. You condemned them to torture in order for them to fulfill the purpose of playing the role of participants in your show, which you organized to prove to Cobs that you are something more than just a machine. You continued the activities of your tormentor, completely copying his behavior. You... you selfish asshole have never been able to comprehend the full weight of the damage done to your own reality. You and I are both doomed, but I am doomed because my mental integrity was destroyed not by my will. And you are a careless infantile and a victim of your own troubles, you are to blame for your moral ruin. It is sad to see that you will never, again, never be able to rely on reality, you disgusts me. You are driven by fear, just like your creator.

[mrs-snape5984]

“As long as I'm with you, I've got a smile on my face…”

“Save your tears, it'll be okay. All I know is you're here with me…” (“Here with me” by D4vd)

Suffering from ME/CFS makes me feel like my whole world is falling apart in front of my eyes. Since I’ve already lost so much joy and so many abilities due to this devastating disease, my continuing loss seems to increase even further.

As some of you might know, do I love to write my own stories about Severus and Julia just as much as I enjoy using my tumblr blog as some kind of journal, whenever I’ve commissioned another artwork. It’s my way of rolling out a red carpet for the artists of Snapedom…it’s my way of honouring them for their talent in their profession. Commissioning those amazing people and letting them make my ideas and fantasies come to life, is my very own manner of coping with my physical and emotional pain.

And now, this coping mechanism seems to crumble into pieces as well as everything else, that I’ve already lost! It hurts me to admit, that my brain fog takes advantage of my capability to create vivid images with my words. My thoughts are getting blurry and chaotic. I’m struggling to find the right words to express my emotions (it’s even worse in my native language German than in English!!)…and this scares me to hell!

My mind was the only place, where I could find some shelter from my infuriating and terrifying reality of losing myself to ME/CFS. What if I forfeit my only - just barely existing- talent now?? How should I flee this nightmare of existence if writing wouldn’t be an option anymore?! How should I express my gratitude towards all those marvellous artists of Snapedom, who are all weaving my emotional comfort blanket with each piece of their art?!?

I don’t want to give up on my writing…and I won’t…even though my pride would probably fade away with each badly written chapter of my fictions…and with each unworthy post on my blog. I must admit, that I’m already acknowledging the loss of quality. 🥺

I found an inspiring poem about the importance of staying resilient, no matter how difficult the hardships of life might become, and I want to share it with you:

"KEEP GOING" (Better known as "DON'T QUIT") by Edgar A. Guest

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and debts are high, And you want to smile but have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest, if you must, but DON'T YOU QUIT!

Life is queer with its twists and turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won if he'd stuck it out, Don't give up though the pace seems slow, You might succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up, When he might captured the victor's cup.

And he learned too late, when the night slipped down, How close he was to the golden crown,

Success is failure turned inside out, The silver tint on clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems afar,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

My dear @mmad-lover, I can’t stress enough how grateful I am for your dedication to this stunning piece of art and believe me, it was worth every single second of waiting! Paula, I was incredibly touched to hear, that my request seemed to be something special, something personal to you. I can assure you, that, indeed, all of my ideas have a profound meaning to me and I’m glad that you’re such an empathetic person, who sensed that particular importance of your art to me. Your devotion to this drawing is palpable in every single detail, every line of your brushes. You created exactly the mood, that I wished for Severus and Julia. It doesn’t matter that the world is burning to the ground around them, they will always have each other’s backs! Just like I’m relying on Severus for more than 21 years now. Thank you for everything, you precious soul! I’m glad that I met you and I hope, we’ll stay in touch. 🥹

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[redacteddoesstuff]

II S2 Ep 17 Spoilers

I'll be talking about what I got right from my previous theory post and some newer ones too.

Theory 1: The contestants aren't gone forever

This didn't happen. However I do think it will. I am one of the people who think there will be an act 3. Mostly because there are a lot of loose ends and plot points that they brought up (even just in this episode).

I am now more sure then ever that this is how their going to bring the contestants back. Or at least it will be an important part.

The fact that they continue to focus on soaps phone kinda proves that to me. Why bring so much attention to something meaningless.

Theory 2 (well not really a theory, more of a question): What about bow and dough?

Bow and dough are indeed created by Mephone. Which also means that Mephone can create soul-like-substitutes. Which is wild.

Theory 3: Mephone didn't know he created the contestants.

I was right with this one! Yippee! Kinda. While he didn't remember creating them, he did assign them personalities and quirks. What Cobs really did here was make Mephone put 2 and 2 together.

What I believe happened was after Mephone escaped he was like "Time to start a reality show! Wait... I need people for that" and his subconscious was like "haha, wait a minute, we already did that" and spawned in the contestants. Seeing as he had an interview with suitcase, a season 2 contestant, we can assume that the rest of season 2 and 3 contestants were all subconsciously spawned in, then held an interview with Mephone.

The picture below is just to highlight that even the season 3 contestants where characterized by Mephone.

Also I haven't seen enough people talk about how genuinely awful and disgusting what Cobs did here. It actually makes me kinda ill.

Theory 3: Mephone is part Prime Shimmer

I was also right with this one! I am on a roll! Mephone being a Shimmer just makes sense narrative wise.

Now, onto the theories/observations I have after this episode.

I don't think Mephone knew he could freeze everyone. Besides the fact that he didn't know he created them an therefore wouldn't think that was something that he was capable of, just look at him.

He has no idea what's happening around him. He's far more focused on the season 3 folder then his surroundings.

I also don't think Mephone created the island. He may have terraformed it but I don't believe he can straight up created an entire island.

And like I said earlier, I really don't think that this is the end.

Reason 1: the loose ends/plot points

It feels weird to me if they brought up important information just for it not to be used. Like Bow's tail story/coming back from the dead, Soap's phone, and the Prime Shimmers. Not to mention all the people who would still be there, like Mepad, Bow, Dough, Bot, Baxter, and the Prime Shimmers (and maybe toilet too? But that is a huge maybe in my books). Or even The Unvitational Committee. What do they feel about everything that's happened. What are they gonna do now everyone's gone.

Reason 2: common act structures.

While this is admittedly one of the weaker points, as they're allowed to do whatever they want, I think it's important to bring up. "Act" is a very specific word choice, and most stories follow a three act structure.

Reason 3: The themes.

II has a really prominent theme through the entire show, you don't have to be what others think of you. It can be seen within most character arcs. This episode is kinda the antithesis to that theme. Even the title "Through No Choice of Your Own" highlights that.

Reason 5: Brian said that there will be 2 special guest voice actors and we haven't gotten that yet.

Reason 6: He also specifically said "multi-part." People don't tend to say multi-part for 2 episodes, optioning to say two-parter instead.

Reason 7: Adam deleted his account shortly after he made(?) it. He also died from Mephone X. However this could just be nothing more then a fun way to leave and I'm looking to far into things. I thought it was important to bring up anyway.

Reason 8: General vibes.

While II has had lots of sad moments before, they usually have some kind of happy/bittersweet/hopeful ending. This is just depressing, with little to no upside.

Look man. I'm gonna be honest. This is mostly me sipping copium. I genuinely can't fathom there being no act 3. Like, that's not even an option. This ending is so genuinely horrible (emotionally) it's unreal. I might make another post just about how awful this all is for Mephone specifically. Like, it's the worst possible outcome from him. Anyways, post is ending here. I had some more ideas but I forgot them.

[thejournallo]

Hi!

I'm wondering how can I have my faith of manifesting and shifting back. I'll explain briefly but it's been since the pandemic since I tried to apply the law and it's been 3 years since I tried to shift, however I've failed everytime (well, I've succeed for small things not even in my life but things on TV and stuff, but nothing worth it).

I tried everything, I've read Neville, I've interacted with peoples who succeed, I've applied everything, but nothing has worked, in fact, quite the opposite. I've been kick out of my apartment (I'm living with my family rn so dw), I'm unable to stay in college, I've anxiety attack if a small thing goes wrong when I'm watching shows and many other things that prevent me to relax.

The worst thing is I've never been looking more male when in fact I want to be a cute girl so bad. I hate the fact I'm trans because I know my current brain is not strong enough to assume it, I'd rather be a cis women or even stay as it is because I don't want everyone in this society to hate me.

That's why I'm trying to shift. That's the only way I could be me, seeing a therapist or having hormones won't change anything, but even shifting I fail. Each time waking up here makes me want to puke and disappear. I just want to have a strong brain and be the person I should be and deserved to be.

I don't know what I should try anymore. I've done everything, maybe I'm the 1% of people who can't manifest or do anything.

I'm sorry to bother you with this, but that's literally my last chance before doing something stupid or trying to erase my personality in order to be more accepted.

Hi there!

Thank you for reaching out, and I can feel the strength and determination in your words, even through the struggles you’ve described. Manifesting and shifting are deeply personal journeys, and it’s completely normal to feel lost or frustrated when things don’t go as planned. Remember, the power to create and transform is within you, and sometimes, it just needs a clearer path.

One of the main reasons many people struggle with manifesting is self-doubt. This doubt can sneak in as the belief that the opposite of what we want will happen or that our efforts will ultimately fail. When we think this way, we end up “polluting” our intentions with negativity. You deserve to believe fully in your vision, without these clouds of doubt.

Here are a few ideas to help you reconnect with your faith in manifesting and shifting:

Reaffirm Your Strength: Begin with simple affirmations that feel authentic. Saying things like, “I am capable, and my desires are valid,” or “I am moving closer to my true self each day,” can plant the seeds of trust within you. Repetition matters here; affirm whenever you can—over a coffee, while cooking, or whenever you feel down.

Let Go of ‘Perfect’ Outcomes: Sometimes, holding too tightly to the “perfect” vision of our desires can add unnecessary pressure. Embrace your journey as it is, allowing small successes to build your belief over time. Try to notice even the small moments that align with your goals, like those little manifestations on TV. Each one reinforces that your mind is a powerful tool.

Create a Safe Space to Visualize: It can be helpful to set aside time each day to connect deeply with your true self—visualize your ideal self not just in terms of appearance, but in terms of feeling and wholeness. Write down the qualities you admire and want to embody. This isn’t just about seeing yourself differently but feeling the reality of that change.

Trust the Process and Be Kind to Yourself: Trusting yourself can be hard, especially when faced with setbacks. But every day is a new chance. Even small, positive shifts in mindset are victories worth celebrating. And remember, manifesting often starts with loving where you are—even if it’s challenging—because that love and acceptance will help carry you forward.

Finally, it’s okay to reach out for help if you feel overwhelmed. You’re not alone, and there are people who genuinely want to support you. Keep going, and know that you have the strength and worthiness to reach the life you envision. It’s all within you; just take it one step at a time. and if you need im here

-xoxo the journallo

[faelynfawn]

Maybe something with scar and tango? Your recent chapter from tangos pov has me craving more of them :] I don’t have any specific ideas aksjjs maybe something decked out related? Maybe some protective tango or something but it’s up to you!! <3

For anyone who is unaware of my disability Scar headcanons (I truly should make a post about it) the one relevant here is that death create pain and other symptoms for him but do not for others.

-----

This was probably the most on track conversation Scar had ever had with Tango. They were both so distractable and fed into each other in the best (most unproductive) way. Clearly Tango had a point he was trying to get to as he rambled on and on about Decked Out 2, one Scar was trying so hard to let him reach.

“So, yeah. That’s how the game works,” Tango said.

“Can’t wait to play it!”

Tango frowned, “No, Scar, this—this conversation wasn’t to get you to be excited, it was to explain that in order to play you have to die. Repeatedly. Every single run.”

Oh.

Scar felt an uncomfortable lump forming in this throat. He swallowed around it and put a cheery smile on his face, “Oh, I die so much, what’s a little bit more?”

Tango’s eyes widened, “No! No! I’m not—Okay, so, I’ve got a plan. I came to run the plan by you. That’s why I’m here. I’m not—I wouldn’t have built the game if I didn’t think there was a way you could play it.”

That was probably the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to Scar. He knew how much Decked Out 2 meant to Tango. The idea that he wouldn’t have built it if he couldn’t make it accessible made him feel a little bit giddy. Guilty, but giddy.

“I’m all ears.”

“They're not that big. So, I was thinking, in Decked Out people aren’t supposed to have armour. But I could just spectate all your runs and keep track of where your health should be and when you’d be dead if you didn’t have armour, I pull you out. That way you don’t have to die and you still get to play.”

Scar hesitated, “Wouldn’t that give me an unfair advantage? You were just saying how berry bushes were such a big thing and if I didn’t actually take the damage I wouldn’t need to eat as much.”

Tango laughed and wrapped Scar up in a hug, “I’d keep track of that too. Even if it did give you an advantage I think I can speak for everyone when I said we’d much rather you have a little bit of an edge and not be in pain after playing. It's a game, Scar. Besides,” He pulled back to cup Scar’s cheek, “I’m the Dungeon Master. I make the rules."

-------

I managed to make it less than 400 words. That is as close to a drabble as I believe I am capable of creating.

Also, I am so pleased people are enjoying my Scargo agenda. I love them so much, they are so important to me. Here is a video of them that I believe everyone should watch. (It also has a part 2.)

[cursed-saphire-hart]

[Hybrids Disease: Reader Character]

So me and a friend were talking about my Hybrid Au from last year, and we started playing around with the idea of "What if Dating Sim"

So I made a Reader/Player character XD

Get early access to new content on Patreon for 2$

More Info Below

I am not going to make a dating sim, bc that's a lot of work and I have too short an attention span to manage it TwT, but I still wanna put it down.

Story:

A new Disease starts appearing around the world where people develop pokemon characteristics, even to the point the infected person can turn into a pokemon at will. No one knows what causes this to happen, and so far there is no cure, the only thing they know is that it's not contagious from person to person. Regardless, the populace is unsettled by the sudden appearance of "Hybrids", and are fearful of those infected.

It comes to the point where region wide lock downs are put into effect to try and slow the spread of cases while also attempting to ensure those infected won't be attacked by those who are paranoid over it.

After 5 years of lock down, the restrictions are slowly lifted and the player is happy to finally be free to walk around without worrying about a curfew, since they're someone who enjoys walks at night. Especially after hearing rumors of a strange area in the forest where there is a constant fog that's impossible to find the other side through. Intrigued, that is the players first stop.

Unbeknownst to them, they are about to meet a pair of hybrid twins who are both extremely starved for social stimulus and affection.

Emmet:

A Clefable Hybrid capable of turning into a pokemon and using moves. He's also able to create a terrain of fairy mist to protect the territory him and Ingo live in. Together they can make it impossible to find the manor hidden in the forest.

Emmet is at first suspension of the player and their intentions during their first meeting. He's a little rude and short with the player, only wanting to know their intentions and wants them to leave asap, but will warm up if the player is honest with him. Emmet is traumatized by prior experiences of being harassed prior to lock down, and is slow to open up, but is very obvious that he WANTS to open up and trust the player. Being a fairy/normal type, Emmet is weak to playfulness, and prone to playing jokes, if the reader plays along, it will raise his interest for the player.

When interest rises to a certain point, Emmet will start trying to get the players attention, becoming very clingy and wanting to spend more time with them. Emmet will start sharing more of his interests, while also giving more information about events prior to lock down. You have gained his trust.

Ingo:

A Gengar Hybrid capable of turning into a pokemon and using moves. He's also able to create a terrain of ghost atmosphere to protect the territory him and Emmet live in. Together they can make it impossible to find the manor hidden in the forest.

Ingo is nervous around the player at first, keeping his distance from them during their first meeting. Ingo feels that because he is a ghost/poison type, he has a frightening appearance and does not want to scare the player, but only wants to help. If the Player acts friendly, unafraid of him, Ingo will start to warm up to them. Due to his insecurities and slight trauma from something that happened before lock down, Ingo keeps a physical distance. If the player is patient with offering physical affection and coaxes him with sweets to help him relax, it will rise Ingos interest for the player.

When interest rises to a certain point, Ingo will start showing more affection for the player by sharing his interests and becoming a bit more physical and clingy. Ingo will start opening up about his insecurities and the events that happened prior to lock down. You have now gained his trust.

Purple Route:

Player will receive a purple hair clip from Ingo as a gift, signifying that you have successfully captured your romance target. From here, Ingo will be more openly affectionate and a little clingy, and if the player so chooses, the route can take a spicy turn from this point.

Good End.

Pink Route:

Player will receive a pink hair clip from Emmet as a gift, signifying that you have successfully captured your romance target. From here, Emmets antics to get the player to pay attention to him will calm down, but he will still act very clingy, and if the player so chooses, the route can take a spicy turn from this point.

Good End.

Grey Route:

The player has successfully captured both targets, however, this route is natural, leaving the player in a friendship with both Ingo and Emmet, rather than as a romantic partner.

Good End.

Blue Route:

Unlike the Grey Route, in the Blue Route, the player has unlocked a hidden route where they are able to capture and romance both Ingo and Emmet. Within this route the player can explore both sides of romance with both twins and their different love languages, whether as shows of affection or in the bedroom.

Secret Good End.

Red Route:

Unlike Blue or Grey, in the Red Route the player has unlocked a hidden route where the Player has triggered a Yandere code within the twins. As a result, the Players character is no longer allowed to leave the twins. Ingo and Emmet love the player so much, they do not EVER want to lose them.

Secret Bad End.

[nnnn99999]

After episode 4, I am now fully convinced that Bison is not as naive as he initially comes off as. He does have some naivety thanks to being so sheltered and protected and loved by Fadel. But nowhere near as naive as falling head over heels in love with Kant the moment Kant shows interest in having a long term relationship with him.

The whole incident with Babe being bullied at school showed just how smart and meticulous and sensible Bison really is. Bison doesn't show that side of him in missions with Fadel because he doesn't have to. And also because he doesn't want to. Bison hates being an assassin. He doesn't want to do these missions. He doesn't want to kill people. So he can't be bothered to be serious during his missions with Fadel. Because he knows that Fadel will take care of it. He knows Fadel has all of it under control. But when Fadel is not there to take care of things, Bison is more than capable of taking charge.

I grossly underestimated what lengths Bison can go to protect the fantasy he has created of his relationship with Kant. Bison is very much living in a fantasy. And he is also very much aware that he is living in a fantasy. So he is willing to do anything to maintain this fantasy and somehow keep holding on it. Nobody is allowed to ruin this fantasy for Bison; not Kant's creepy ex, not Fadel, not Kant and certainly not Bison himself. If Fadel can notice how shady Kant is, Bison can definitely notice it too, and even more so than Fadel because he is actually interacting with Kant. Do you want me to believe that Bison can notice Babe's wounds hidden under his shirt and not Kant's fake smile when he lies? I would rather believe that Bison does notice all of it and just chooses to ignore it. Because to him, nothing is more important than keeping his fantasy alive.

Bison is not in love with Kant yet. He is still in love with the idea of falling in love. However, he is starting to catch real feelings. But with how focused Bison is on keeping his fantasy alive, I don't think he even realizes just how invested he is becoming in Kant. Especially after he witnessed how much Kant cares for Babe, the younger brother in Bison can't help but be touched by Kant. And this is only going to make the fallout after the truth comes out that much worse.

I also find it interesting how Bison deals with the obstacles that threaten his fantasy.

First obstacle, his own suspicions about Kant. This is easy to deal with. He just chooses to overlook all shady things about Kant, gaslights himself and deludes himself to believe that the fantasy he is living in is real.

Second obstacle, Fadel. This is also pretty easy to overcome because all he has to do is whine and throw a tantrum for Fadel to give in. This is why I think him asking Kant to look for someone to keep Fadel occupied is a test to see just how interested Kant is in himself as well as genuinely wanting someone for Fadel. He is perfectly capable of making Fadel give in to him and what he wants.

The third obstacle is Kant and also his ex that popped out to show his presence out of nowhere. Bison's way of dealing with them is threatening to off them. I mean he makes it very clear that while he is willing to overlook all the shady things for the time being, but if they come between him and his fantasy he will get rid of them. And I find that so fascinating.

Episode 4 has me so excited for Bison's future character development because now I am almost sure that he will go batshit crazy when his fantasy falls apart. I am so so so excited for psycho Bison. There is something about a sweet and cute and adorable little munchkin terrifying the living daylights out of everyone around him that I love so much. I really hope Bison is as completely unhinged and impulsive and crazy as I imagine him to be. But even if he isn't that won't stop me from enjoying his character for what it is.

[flagellant]

Hey, this is a weird and heavy question that could land you in hot water no matter which direction you answer in, so feel free to just ignore me, it's not imperative that you answer or anything. But I don't have a lot of kink-positive (or frankly sex-positive) people that I trust and you seem to have put a lot of time and work into that kind of stuff (or maybe it just comes naturally to you! Regardless, I value your opinion).

I don't know how to make my peace with age regression as a kink, or if I even need to. I've done a lot of unlearning when it comes to a sanitized, puritanical mindset that I was raised with. My general opinion now is "if no one's in danger of getting hurt just leave it be". But I can't help but see people who participate in age regression as a huge red flag- depending on their role in the situation. If I'm friends with someone and they tell me they have a "little" persona or whatever sure that makes me internally cringe but mostly I just feel bad for them because they almost always have trauma. (Baby talk makes me wanna barf but maybe that's a me problem). But when I learn that someone is into people who essentially act like a child or a baby in the bedroom, I'm gonna run for the fucking hills. That just seems like a giant red flag to me- if someone is able to get into a mindset where they can be sexual with someone who's acting like a child, I have a hard time feeling okay around that person.

I know you're no professional, and I'm not here to get validation. Like I said, I just value your insight and I'm wondering if you can introduce me to a new way of thinking about this. Am I wrong to write off someone for a sexual preference as long as it's technically between two consenting adults? Should I be challenging my thinking?

If you do take the time to answer this, know that I appreciate you so much. If you can't answer, I hope you have a good day anyways.

I feel as though relatively often there is confusion when it comes to the idea of kink positivity with regards to this sort of context. It can seem confusing or even impossible, because there are those who act as though being kink positive is the same thing as being personally anything-goes, fetishwise. It's just a matter of vocabulary--we hear "kink positive" and logically assume "we need to feel positive about this kink", right?

Except that's really not the case, no more than landback as a movement demands for creating native american ethnostates by "giving all the private property of america back". The reality is always a bit more complex.

For your specific example of age regression as a kink, it's a pretty common sentiment to just not like it and not want to engage with it. I feel that way--it isn't a matter of value or moral, it's just something that on a personal level I don't like and want nothing to do with.

But the key part of kink positivity is that I need to recognize that I can not be into something without making it a moral judgement on those who are. As you say: If the people involved are all consenting adults, it isn't my place to pass judgement or tell them how to live their lives so long as no one is getting hurt. I need to trust that as adults, they are capable of handling their own sex lives without my intervention. It is not my place to butt in and tell people that because I find their kinks gross that they need to watch out for red flags, any more than it would be anyone else's place to do the same to you.

Anon, you seem to be sort of trapped halfway. You are capable of understanding what kink positivity is supposed to be, but you're not--and forgive me if I'm wrong--really willing to seriously examine what "supposed to be" means when your personal tastes are being challenged. You're saying you're not asking me for validation, but you are asking verbatim "Am I wrong to write off someone for sexual preference as long as it's between two consentint adults?".

I don't really feel like I need to clarify the answer on that, Anon. I'll just point out that you should imagine how you would feel if someone wrote you off morally for one of your sexual preferences when it takes place between yourself and other consenting adults, and whether or not you feel the justifications you'd make against that person could be meaningfully different than the ones someone who participates in age regressions would make to you.

At the end of the day, framing it internally as "It seems like a red flag" is just a way to frame your reaction as morally superior. It is a way of saying "I'm not judging this badly because I don't personally enjoy it, I'm trying to help people. Them doing this is dangerous and I need to be involved and even be against them doing this for their own good". It is the same pearl-clutching Puritan thinking as any fundamentalist Christian would, and it leads to the same thing: Telling full-grown adults that how they have sex between themselves is fundamentally wrong and that your dislike at the very idea of them partaking in it takes priority over their ability to partake in it at all.

I'd suggest asking yourself whether or not you feel as though you'd be respected if someone approached you and told you that, yes, they understand that you're a fully grown adult consenting to sex in this manner, but they don't trust your ability to consent because it seems to them as though there's red flags involved and therefore they DO have a right to get involved in your sex life. For your own good, of course. It isn't your fault that you're into something bad like this. You're traumatized. It's just that people who want to have sex with you are actually taking advantage of you and hurting you, and you just don't know it because you're traumatized, so it's up to other people to tell you how you should and shouldn't have sex and who you shouldn't have sex with.