#the great indifference

[orokin-grub]

Tennotober 2024

Day 1 & 2: Captain / Gemini

Day 3 & 4: Fragments / Alchemy

[pansyfemme]

spending time with family and realizing that forgiveness for me is very different from forgetting or diminishing the hurt it caused me

[real-odark]

ride the cyclone as these emojis

[shepherds-of-haven]

im so sorry but bff blade absolutely hating mc's lame ass boyfriend red is the funniest concept in the world to me espec in a modern au. mc being like i love to hang out with my two favorite boys 🥰+blade absolutely white knuckling through it and exploding red in his mind. red just being like 🤠? the whole time. scream.

MC and Red walking along together:

Blade, trailing along approximately 3 feet behind them:

[mariocki]

A fleeting appearance by Gareth Thomas as Briggs, running a car hire service (but not delivering customer satisfaction) in Public Eye: The Man Who Didn’t Eat Sweets (5.9, Thames, 1971)

[ritasanderson]

Maybe I should also give my Drifter a dress...

[recitedemise]

𝗠𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲'𝘀 𝘃𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗽 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀, 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗠𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗽𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿. This lengthy headcanon will refer to canon dialogue from mostly Gale, sometimes others. Reader's discretion is advised. There will be in depth explorations into grooming, emotional abuse, heavy manipulation, and suicide.

First, let it be said that Gale, a mortal man, will always be the powerless one in his dynamic with Mystra. Of course, nearing forty years of age, he remains entirely responsible for his own actions, his own blunders and every hurt he'll cause, but it's important to remember who formed much of who he is: his goddess, his deity, and egregiously, his lover.

Mystra is power. Mystra is possibility. She knows what sway she holds over her Ioyal, vulnerable, and entirely mortal followers. In all ways that matter, they are but lambs she can steer and herd as she sees fit. She knows they can't deny her and knows they'll never want to. Gale's sheer servitude and complete devotion. Mystra, knowing that, used him to filth.

Gale: I was just... practising an incantation. Player Character: No, there's more to it than that. I know devotion when I see it. Gale: What can I say? She's—she's Mystra. I can't describe it, the need I sometimes feel to see her - to draw the filaments of fantasy into existence... Mystra is all magic. And as far as I'm concerned, she is all creation. Player Character: I didn't realize the depth of your devotion. Gale: Magic is... my life. I've been touched with the Weave for as long as I can remember. There's nothing like it.

Gale, orb in his chest, doomed to be eaten by the very thing he loves the most, still speaks so reverently of the goddess, of his lover that has left him to die. He conjures images of her memory—and she is all the while forgetting about his.

Minsc: Gale reminds me of vremyonni of my homeland. The man-mages of Rasheman. While the girl-folk go on to rule as wychlaran, Weave-touched boys were hidden away. Trained to work their craft in silence and secrecy. It is an old custom, not well-observed. In truth, I thought it born of caution after some catastrophe of wizardly men-folk of old. Now, I wonder if it was not done to hide them from Mystra, and the snares she sets for young and prideful boys, hm?

Tales of Mystra's treachery spreads far, leaving those familiar waters surrounding Gale's tower in Waterdeep. They whisper her name, afraid to utter it one time too many, suspecting, perhaps, that she'll show in their mirror like some Faerûnian Bloody Mary.

Talent rouses Mystra. She can see who uses the gift of the Weave and feel them, sampling whatever delight sings their veins as they pull from her domain. Not unlike a spider, she'll follows every tremor that strikes her as just a sliver more profound; and Gale, a prodigy, plucked the Weave's web to so garner her focus. And like some black widow scurrying, she surged down that ripple to prey on a boy. There, Gale, so impressionable, was just a mite older than twelve whole summers. He sat so stunned, beholding Mystra as she lured him into the cradle of her Astral domain. Bathed in her magic, pleasantly coddled within that glittering cosmos, Gale felt blessed in a way he'll struggle always to recount, no word, no language, fit to describe it. He felt chosen. He felt seen. And potently, to a child, he felt loved. Now, imagine a child experiencing something like that. Imagine what they'd think, how brilliant they must be when stood beside the rest. She told him he was gifted, made his heart swell not unlike a child's appetite for praise. She knew what she was doing by offering these morsels, by preying on a child's most delicate mind, and Gale, child prodigy, was already so awash in the idea that his value was in magic. Unfortunately, Gale, susceptible, had no way of squirming out of his goddess' grasp.

Reality: She's laid down the seeds to creep into his heart. When he's just old enough—seventeen's sufficient, she thinks—she stakes her claim and makes him hers.

Gale: My virtuosic talent once caught the eye of the goddess of magic herself, Mystra, who named me her chosen and her lover.

Gale is stunned when she takes him to bed the first time. (Is this really happening?) Mystra claims his mouth in a kiss, taking everything she knows he offers so willingly. Mystra, of course, is not so stunned.

Dream Visitor: An elder brain... one of the cruelest and most powerful creatures in existence, enslaved by mere mortals. Gale, tasked with Mystra's missive to sacrifice himself: This is it... I must do as Mystra commands.

Gale has worryingly low self-esteem beyond his magic. As already explored, his entire worth as a man hinged on and was built entirely off his talent as a wizard. He fought tooth and nail for any crumb of affection Mystra would offer his way, something she only gave him at all seeing his gift as a child. He wants her forgiveness. He desires it genuinely. He believes so firmly that he has wronged his goddess, buying into the idea that sacrificing himself will right his wrong. She holds such dominion over him, making him reduce his confidence in himself into a mere, trifling pittance; after all, she wasn't just his lover, but the patron deity he prays to. And regardless, Gale is a people pleaser, his initial acceptance of her missive coming as no surprise.

After all, Gale, at times, goes to incredible lengths to appease his audience. This habit, compulsion, impulse, whatever you want to call it, is a quality that was relentlessly exacerbated in his relationship with his immortal paramour. He wanted to content her, felt all he did was never enough, for as a matter of principle, he was oceans, leagues, and entire galaxies beneath her. Gale figures: well, how can a short-lived dalliance satisfy a god? He had to make her happy. Indeed, he'd done everything she'd ask. He'd bedded her how she liked, kissed her how she wanted, and of course, even said those words she'd said tasted best. She was his lover, a lover that never tended to his own needs and pleasures, and he fooled himself into thinking that's enough. He won't bend backwards for everyone, mind you, but if you're of the ones he would, he would stop at nothing to make you happy. After all, people pleasing is a way to keep oneself safe, a trauma response to sidestep discomfort, and though it achieves only a direly tentative peace, when that is all you've been fed, you will pursue it.

Gale did not want to lose Mystra; he couldn't bare the sting of it. And so, when Elminster visited him, Mystra's call for his death offered oh so callously, Gale, heartbroken, felt that part of him kick up. He couldn't endure the guilt, was so hungry for a chance to let his weighty heart breathe, even if it meant dying in the process.

At least this way, he'll finally do something right. At least this way, Mystra will forgive him, and all his friends will survive.

Gale: After I was afflicted with my condition, I locked myself in my tower for an entire year. I was inconsolable, wallowing in my self-inflicted tragedy. I'd given up on myself.

As a byproduct of people pleasing, Gale, too, is all too quick to accept all guilt. He self-deprecates, gaslights himself to a venomous degree, and twists his reality in so cruel a way as to make him the villain Mystra'd led him to believe. He self-flagellates himself, the first one in the world who will throw Gale of Waterdeep a mental punishment. Mystra's a goddess, after all, seen as utterly faultless, and twined so tightly with a being so mighty in esteem, Gale slipped into the role of the guilty often. When tied with anyone with grandeur like this, so immeasurable in their own self worth, it's important to keep in mind this: you are nothing but a prop in which to fulfill their ego. Gale was not Mystra's, not by a long shot. Rather, Gale was a tool, simply her mortal extension.

And he took every blow meant for her... a common and terrible habit for many people in imbalanced, ego-fueled relationships.

Gale's life beyond her wasn't something that interested her. She took most of Gale's devotion, manipulated his life to be her sole mantle of attention, for Mystra is not a goddess that shares very happily.

Indeed, long before his self-imposed isolation, this jealous deity did well at keeping him isolated.

Player Character: Picture kissing him. With tenderness. Then, with passion. Gale: I... I didn't think— Narrator: You perceive quick-fire embarrassment, trepidation, and finally... elation.

And so, cheated out of love, so reduced in his value as a man and lover both, suffice to say, Gale's slow to believe he can ever be loved. That's what happens when you're with someone so cold, consistent only in their infinite lack of respect. Gale looks at fondness, and he feels—confounded, to be sure. He thinks, is this truly mine to have? He doesn't know what to do, is nearly forty in game, and despite having lived decades devoted to one relationship, he feels, at the same time, entirely out of depth. To be frank, he greets it with embarrassment, like he's been caught red handed with something not his at all. He's like a child caught rummaging with his hand in a cookie jar, all this isn't mine to enjoy, not mine to indulge in, but he thinks, startled, but god, do I want. He wars with disbelief, uncertainty, and need, and in so many ways feeling utterly starved, with just a glimmer of affection, he falls fast into love.

Scenario: (And if properly romanced, it changes his world.)

Gale: In her (Mystra's) likeness, I used to read a thousand stories. She was beauty, wisdom, elegance, power... she contained universes. But now... it is hard to see any redeeming qualities in a lover who condemned you to death. I'd much rather gaze into your eyes than hers. Yours are capable of tenderness and feeling... No god could ever compare.

He says it with sincerity. There is such wonder, such love, and such awe in his eyes. He makes the act of kissing him feel like you've just reached into the trenches to but pluck him soundly from his ruin and despair. You think, Gale Dekarios, how unloved have you been all this time?

Gale: To know you love me for the man I am, and not the magic I command… none have loved me so purely before.

The answer is: entirely.

For so long, Gale thought love was simply being chosen. He knew nothing of being favored for the quality of his character, to be cherished and accepted even in those ways he fumbles and lacks. Again, his needs were seldom met, often treated with utter indifference by Mystra herself, and to meet someone so eager to treasure him, dote on him in a way his heart, his body is somberly new to, raptures his spirit and captures his soul. He's seen for who he is. He's... loved, desired for his silly quips, his easy smiles, and his growing affections. He bares himself to them, and in turn, they cradle his heart like something entirely precious. Gale thinks this has to be dream. He says, at times, you are more than I deserve.

Scenario: (But sometimes, he hopes too strongly and loves too greatly. As it always does, then, like he's once more wanted too much, he watches something beautiful slip right through his fingers. Of course, Gale Dekarios. Of course it does.)

Player Character: I didn't know you felt so strongly, Gale. Gale: Perhaps I should have done more. Been more charming, more flattering, harder to reach... but I was only myself, and sometimes that isn't enough.

They don't love him anymore. It breaks his heart. He hurts so much, so profoundly and deeply, and he doesn't realize that he breaks their heart in turn.

Unable to ever voice his feelings with Mystra in any way that amounted to much, Gale's a tendency to wallow, expressions coming off as potentially 'guilt-tripping' and even, on occasion, passive aggressive. Firstly: Gale NEVER means to manipulate emotions, and he's no intention of twisting anyone's arm, either. Fact is, Gale, never taken seriously when he'd bared his vulnerabilities to the Mother of the Weave, can end up saying just a little too much. He feels very deeply, and for most his life, seldom had an outlet for these weeping sentiments. He sometimes lets slip raw words and oftentimes heart-wrenching expressions; all the same, it's not so pitiful as to shepherd an outcome, but rather, is a gesture taken by a man so desperate to be heard. It may feel like scheming, but the truth is far, far greyer: feeling as though he's no right to share the depth of his heart, Gale simply lets it geyser out in a way he can't cork up. In ways he doesn't realize, he's adapted to this ache, passively reacting so his feelings can at least be seen and recognized—no matter how pitifully unwhole. With someone who values so little his thoughts... well, when he slips into these moods, one can hardly feign shock.

Situation: (And if no one shows him trust and tenderness, any true care in his character or worth, Gale gets swallowed up by how wronged he was.

He thinks: Let me be a god. Let no one hurt like me anymore.)

Gale: They only want us to serve them, pray to them...and ultimately, to die for them. But what if we didn't need them? What if we wielded their power instead and helped ourselves in all the ways they refuse to? I could make that happen.

Gale is not above anger, and as stated, he is not above pettiness; however, more than that, he is not above righting himself whatever wound he was struck. Gale, if not offered much by ways of affection, understanding, is made to believe that one idea that's lived growing in his mind: Gale Dekarios is far from sufficient; he has to be more. He has to be better. Gale, in such an unkind ending for himself, sips too desperately—and perhaps greedily, too, but desperately serves as a far better word—at that idea that he needs power. And so, wresting the Crown of Karsus for himself, he spites Mystra in his own way, becoming a god he feels is leagues better than she will ever be. Damn her thoroughly. Damn her ego, her power, and her endless indifference. He will serve the people, protect them, and in ways Mystra never could, better the world.

Situation: But as a god, he loses all sense of his kindness. Humanity. All who loved him leave him, and even Tara spurns the image he's become. With power, he's gained the respect he thought he always wanted... but in turn, he lost in even greater measure all the love he's known.

Endnote: But healing, knowing to forgive himself and knowing he's deserving of care simply for being Gale Dekarios will remain, always, the best path for him.

[twinstxrs]

there’s probably something deeply wrong with me because every time i see someone react to the pok gukgak interrogation scene it’s like “oh no oh my god is riz’s dad a bad guy?” when the first time i saw that scene my only thought was “oh my god is riz’s dad HOT??”

[deus-ex-mona]

real talk: lxl should continue to explore romance fantasy concepts in their songs. it’s clearly working for them~

[freaky-flawless]

If you reblog, put in the notes what color you would call it.

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

The new chapter is lovely ❤️

I'm glad Childe figured it out himself since Zhongli would have never told him that he isn't human ...

Aah, now I really want to read what Chongyun/Hu Tao think about Childe and Zhonglis spar/interactions.

After all, Ghuizhong already ships them, maybe they're going to start thinking that Childe has a chance with Zhongli after all?

Considerung Hu Tao already tries to wingwoman Childe 🤔

chongyun and hu tao are mostly like staring from the sidelines. honestly everyone is, guizhong might 'ship' them but she doesn't take direct action just because. like- sending childe to the clothes retrieval trip wasn't just because hehe i want my otp to spend time together, but more like- zhongli clearly enjoys childe's company and she's worried about him so maybe sending his friend along will do him some good, maybe they'll have a spar and it'll help or smth that the otp gets to spend time together is an added bonus

[impala-dreamer]

is this too romantic? am I going too far? is there any other way to write romance than all in, all encompassing, perfectly magical? no. this is fine.

[caitlynmeow]

In human AU, with Cass' children, that makes Miranda a great-grandma !!!

she's the proudest great grandma in the world okay!!!

i mean just look at her the woman is gorgeous and no one believes she's the great-grandmother of the toddler holding her hand

[mistyscenter]

I don’t know if you’re still doing this, but I’d love to see your reasoning for ‘Talks’ in D tier. (As someone who also agrees that it’s kinda a weird/bad moment, I want to see your thoughts on it!)

I'm always open to discussing my reasons for liking or hating certain moments so I will absolutely answer!!

Ok so "Talks" was always odd to me as a moment because I never quite understood why Terry and Miranda fought in the first place (and I still don't, or if anything it seems...silly? Like something a young teenager would fuss over not an 18 year old) not only that but the only interesting part about it is if you fight with Cove, and even then I understand Cove's reasonings to get upset and it makes sense character wise but it's so...it feels out of character? Again it is mostly because I don't understand the conflict in the first place because it's so minimal as a conflict. We could have had real conflict.

The fact that the main conflict is about Terry getting stressed over how to get home and Miranda trying to help feels...eh? It took me people telling me what the conflict was about for me to understand. And again it feels juvenile and something you'd be able to discuss with a Friend after a night's sleep, not saying that it can't be realistic but it feels more like something a 14 year old would be hung up over than an 18 year old.

The conflict would have worked ten times better if it was about their immediate future, you're going back into the themes of growing up into an adult and you also make these characters feel like actual 18 year olds. They still wouldnt know how to properly deal with fights, but it's also way more realistic if like, Miranda mentioned a college program while hanging out and Terry getting more and more upset as she talks about it but doesn't want to ruin the evening but Miranda notices and tries to make him talk about it only for them to fight. And I just came up with this and we can still have MC and Cove fight and reflect in how their mental state is about this and also how they both feel about moving out from their childhood homes. LIKE FUCK WHY DID WE HAVE THEM FIGHT OVER WHOS GOING TO PICK TERRY UP RATHER THAN THIS??

I'm especially saying this as someone who is 19, like I'm sorry the conflict in "Talks" doesn't make sense and it feels like everyone is overreacting over something so small?

I don't hate the idea, but conflict in our life is always awkwardly handled, then again I think step 3 is the step Kab/GB Lady wrote while in burnout (same goes for Baxter dlc) so step 3 is just a very awkward step that tumbles between great (charity, reflection, happiness, drinks, planning) to alright (hang (both versions), errands, sightseeing,road trip) to straight up mid (talks, late shift,boating, mountains (though mountains is less that and more like "why the fuck is MC spending nights away with someone they barely know?")). With that said it is my favorite step and it does have good moments it's just a hit or miss most times

[jilyandbambi]

also jackie absolutely would've partaken in the cannibalism had she made it to the same point.

the girls eating Jackie is a horrific act, but the act itself isn't about morality. Starvation--specifically the point of starvation the Yellowjackets were at by this point--betrays the mind and body. As your muscles break down and your organs disintegrate, your nutrient-starved brain makes you hungry for literally anything you can chew and swallow, edible or not. Your brain doesn't even have to make you hallucinate, you become ravenously hungry the second anything remotely edible appears in front of you and it's nigh impossible to stop yourself from consuning the thing your brain has now identified as food.

When the girls smelled meat cooking it triggered this exact instinct. They literally couldn't have helped themselves. They were starving adolescent kids, they didn't stand a chance. Jackie would have been the same. So would Laura Lee, for that matter. They were sweet, warm-hearted girls, but they weren't saints or superhuman. They would have been starving kids like all the others.

Why didn't Coach Ben join in? He's a grown man. Yeah, but as an adult well past puberty and with a fully developed brain, he has more self-control than kids whose bodies and brains are still developing. And that's the point.

He's the proverbial adult in the room. He's supposed to be there to keep them safe and sane and he's failed. Not only have 2 of his charges died on his watch, but now the remaining kids have starved to the point of eating their dead.

If it were a matter of being scared of/disgusted by them Ben would've burned down the cabin and fucked off that night. But he stays because he's afraid OF them and FOR them.

They aren't monsters. They're kids. They're starving. They're desperate. Their brains aren't finished growing. Their already-limited self-control & reasoning is being crippled by a body that's starting to literally eat itself as a last resort. They don't resort to cannibalism due to their being inherently violent or predatious, or because they were intrinsically worse people than the teammate and team captain who predeceased them.

THEY. WERE. STARVING.

[irishbreakfst]

They really don't make movies that are so openly anti-nazi as the sound of music anymore, huh