#and in the process ur brain will do anything it can to MAKE you eat ANYTHING

[jilyandbambi]

also jackie absolutely would've partaken in the cannibalism had she made it to the same point.

the girls eating Jackie is a horrific act, but the act itself isn't about morality. Starvation--specifically the point of starvation the Yellowjackets were at by this point--betrays the mind and body. As your muscles break down and your organs disintegrate, your nutrient-starved brain makes you hungry for literally anything you can chew and swallow, edible or not. Your brain doesn't even have to make you hallucinate, you become ravenously hungry the second anything remotely edible appears in front of you and it's nigh impossible to stop yourself from consuning the thing your brain has now identified as food.

When the girls smelled meat cooking it triggered this exact instinct. They literally couldn't have helped themselves. They were starving adolescent kids, they didn't stand a chance. Jackie would have been the same. So would Laura Lee, for that matter. They were sweet, warm-hearted girls, but they weren't saints or superhuman. They would have been starving kids like all the others.

Why didn't Coach Ben join in? He's a grown man. Yeah, but as an adult well past puberty and with a fully developed brain, he has more self-control than kids whose bodies and brains are still developing. And that's the point.

He's the proverbial adult in the room. He's supposed to be there to keep them safe and sane and he's failed. Not only have 2 of his charges died on his watch, but now the remaining kids have starved to the point of eating their dead.

If it were a matter of being scared of/disgusted by them Ben would've burned down the cabin and fucked off that night. But he stays because he's afraid OF them and FOR them.

They aren't monsters. They're kids. They're starving. They're desperate. Their brains aren't finished growing. Their already-limited self-control & reasoning is being crippled by a body that's starting to literally eat itself as a last resort. They don't resort to cannibalism due to their being inherently violent or predatious, or because they were intrinsically worse people than the teammate and team captain who predeceased them.

THEY. WERE. STARVING.

[mischievousmoony]

hello ! i saw that you were open for requests. could you do sick reader and james being the best bestfriend ever (and oblivious as hell) takes care of them? maybe they could be childhood friends so james doesn't realize that what he's doing in inherently romantic, like kissing reader's forehead to check their temp, giving his shoulder to them to lay on, sleeping in the same bed, and such.

AND even after reader is no longer sick, james still insist on spoon feeding them and acting like a helicopter mom.

- 🌱

what a lovely idea! thank you for the request <3 i love this because earlier this summer i had a nasty sinus infection for like 3 weeks :/ i wish i had a james potter then lol also i noticed you used they/them pronouns in ur req. im not sure if you wanted gn!reader, but i think it ended up being that way anyway. i didn't need to use pronouns, or even y/n, in this fic <3

𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

⟢ james potter x reader ⊹ 1.4k ⟢ warnings/tags: fluff, no use of y/n, no magic

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

It was only an hour ago that you told James over the phone not to worry about you.

Now, he stands in your bedroom, having let himself into your flat with the spare key that you that keep at his parents' house for emergencies— which he uses very often, but hardly for emergencies.

"James," you complain in a nasally voice, "I'm going to get you sick."

He plants his hands on his hips and looks at you scrutinizingly. It reminds you of Euphemia when she would scold you and James as children, and truthfully, when she sometimes scolds you these days.

"Nonsense, my immune system is built like a tank."

"James," you whine further.

He ignores you as he approaches your bedside, frowning as he takes in your sickly appearance. He gently brushes away the sweat-drenched hair from your forehead.

"My poor thing," he comments before bending down to press a lingering kiss to your forehead.

"You don't feel terribly warm, but you look flushed," James' wrist swivels to press the back of his hand to your cheek, "Do you feel hot?"

"A- a little," you croak, knowing full well that a raging blush is the real culprit behind your reddening face.

James' frown deepens as he dives into his next area of concern, "Have you been eating? You hardly had anything in your fridge."

"I have enough peanut butter and jelly to get me through an apocalypse. Why were you in my fridge?"

"I had to put away the groceries."

Your eyebrows draw together, "What groceries!?"

"I bought you groceries," he says nonchalantly.

"Why would you buy me groceries!?"

James is suddenly sheepish. He rubs the back of his neck, "It's not much. Mostly ingredients for the chicken soup I'm gonna make."

"Make? If you really must you could've just gotten a can of–"

"Eugh! I would never subject you to canned soup!"

You roll your eyes at his dramatics.

"That processed shit is just going to make you feel worse," he adds.

"Does Effie know she's created a monster?" you mumble to the ceiling.

James' chuckles, "Look, I'm already here, I've already bought the food. Just let me make you a nice soup and then I'll get out of here." James raises his hands in the air to indicate his surrender to compromise.

Your head hurts too much to continue an argument that you know you won't win, so you relent and wave him off to the kitchen.

Before James leaves you, "Are you comfortable? Do you need anything before I go?"

"I'm fine."

"You sound stuffy. Is there a lot of pressure? Do you like a hot or a cold compress?"

You wince as you imagine a cold compress, feeling like that would make your headache somehow feel sharper against your brain.

"Hot."

James smiles, happy that you're beginning to give into his care, and disappears from your sight.

He returns with a warm, damp cloth and a paper shopping bag stuffed under his arm. He starts unloading his haul onto your night table.

"I brought you the nice tissues, the ones with the lotion so that they don't irritate your nose. And are you taking medicine? I wasn't sure what your symptoms were or what you usually take so I got stuff for everything. I've got nasal sprays, decongestants, cough syrups— which I'm pretty sure you hate so I bought lozenges too."

You watch despairingly as he sets medicine after medicine down.

"I took paracetamol an hour ago," you inform him.

"That's it? You could at least use the nasal spray then. Here, let me–"

You place a hand over his that fiddles with the cap of the spray, "I've got it. Just go make your soup."

James looks up from the little white bottle, "Oh yeah, sure." But he hesitates before he goes, "You want a lozenge though?"

You yield to James' incessant efforts, figuring he would feel better if you let him do something for you. You hold out your hand to accept the lozenge but as soon as he sees you nod, he is already set on removing its waxy wrap and popping it in your mouth himself.

At last, he presses the warm, damp cloth gently over your closed eyes and retreats to your kitchen.

He reappears every so often to rewarm the cloth that's over your eyes, bring you cups of water or herbal tea, and make sure that you're still comfortable. He's offered to fluff your pillows five times.

The next time he enters your bedroom, he's finally carrying a bowl of steaming soup, one of your dishcloths a barrier between his hands and the hot porcelain.

You sit and hold out your hands to accept the bowl.

"Oh, it's far too hot for you to hold," James says, choosing to ignore the fact that he is doing just fine holding it himself.

He plants himself on the edge of your bed and starts blowing on a spoonful of the savory soup.

"You can't be serious," you mutter, sniffling.

"Just lean back and relax," James instructs, "let me take care of you."

James looks at you with the roundest, most doe-like eyes can can muster. Oh, those stupid big brown eyes— it's impossible to resist them.

You let James feed you what just might be the best soup you've ever tasted. Rich flavors dance on your tongue and you try not to let your eyes flutter closed in bliss, but the enjoyment is written across your face anyway. He refrains from teasing you, feeling too much pity for your being unwell to make any fun.

"Is this helping any?" James checks, blowing on another spoonful of broth.

You hum affirmatively, "It's really nice," you murmur, letting the warmth of the soup spread across your chest.

A prideful smile finds its way onto James' lips.

After he he scrapes the last bit of soup onto the spoon and brings it to your mouth, he places the empty bowl onto your night table. You realize that you still need to thank him and you share words of gratitude as you wring out your neck.

"You alright?"

"A bit stiff from being cooped up in bed," you roll out your shoulders.

"Well, you needed your rest," James says, studying you. "Here, scoot up."

You look at him curiously as he helps you scoot forward. When he starts settling in behind you, your eyes round.

"James!"

You've lost count of how many times you've uttered his name in scolding today. Your face flushes crimson and you count yourself lucky that he at least can't see it this time.

James shushes you, and your protests die in your throat when his hands apply a satisfying pressure to your neck.

He can't help but chuckle, nor can he help seek your approval, "Helping?"

"Uh-huh," you sigh, your eyes fluttering closed, and you feel James' body rumble with laughter against you.

The coming days play out similarly, and you've quickly ceased protesting against him. James attends to your every need and casually showers you in affection day after day.

He even insists on staying over some nights, which you do protest against, as he means to sleep on your couch which is not even long enough for him to lay flat. But you need not worry about that, because when night falls he ends up dozing off next to you in bed, where he intended to only stay until you fell asleep.

In the mornings, neither of you seem to mind waking up in each others arms.

Within a few days, your health improves, but this doesn't stop James from continuing to tend to you.

"I haven't run a fever in days!" you protest as James' lips still against your forehead for several seconds.

"You never know," James mumbles against your forehead before pulling away.

You huff as you meet his eyes on his retreat, "I'm not sick anymore, James."

"You still sniffle sometimes," he shrugs, turning to collect the empty bowl on your night table, which he fed you fresh stew out of for lunch this afternoon.

You chuckle at his antics, "It's just a lingering sniffle, it will probably clear up by tomorrow. Besides, I hardly need someone taking care of me for that."

James pulls his lips into a timid line, feeling quite sheepish. He hides his face as he turns to leave your room with the dirty dish.

He tsks as he formulates an excuse for himself, "Or it means that your illness is coming back for a second round. What kind of friend would I be if I don't make sure it's gone before I set you loose?"

James makes his way to the kitchen to wash your dishes, seemingly unaware that he might enjoy taking care of you a bit more than a friend would. Or maybe he’s simply embraced the comfort of being exactly where he wants to be.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

[sorencd]

could we get dating wilson hcs😼

ofc 😏😏😏 he's so pookie wookie i lovf him

dating wilson headcannons

you two love watching sitcoms every night (if the both of you aren't tired) like seinfeld, the mary tyler moore show, fasier and friends while cuddling in bed! usually since he's the first one to leave in the morning, he'd prepare your coffee for you and wake you up with a kiss on the forehead, telling you that he's off to work and u should wake up soon. he’s like ur personal alarm clock!! he even calls a few minutes later from his office just to make sure you really woke up, because you have a habit of waking up but as soon as you check the time and decide that it's still early, you would immediately fall back asleep so easily. he’s amazed honestly.

"yeah, 'm awake.."

"are you sure?"

"...mmh.."

"you're still in bed aren't you?"

"no..'m up i swear.."

so you end up having no choice but to get ready for work because now your brain is no longer sleepy :( you love trying new restaurants and food with him. if there's a new restaurant, no matter how bad the reviews are, that won't really stop you two from eating at the place, you'd still go there. but it does often result to never returning there ever again. and when you don't feel like going out of the comfort of your home, you would instead cook something up together. matching aprons and all that stuff!! while preparing the food, u can never cut the veggies properly without some good music playing in the background! there'd be songs from artists like the beatles, abba, huey lewis and the news, daryl hall & john oates, and the beegees!

i can see him singing and dancing to 'more than a woman' while straining the pulp from the tomato soup and you have to get him to stop moving too much or he'll burn himself in the process.

"james!"

"i know that in a thousand years, i'd fall in love with you again~"

"be careful! it's going to pour out!"

if u don't know how to play poker, wilson will gladly play something like monopoly or uno instead. though monopoly is more fun with a lot of people, he’s happy to do anything with you! one time, you played snakes and ladders instead of uno and each time wilson went down the snake he'd shout 'what!?' and sneakily try to change the number he rolled on the die without u noticing. he always plays like his life is on the line.

"another five?!"

"down you go, james!" you evilishly laughed and moved his piece for him, feeling triumphant. while you were dancing in joy because you're so close to winning, he tried flipping the die.

"i saw that."

"no you didn't."

stealing his clothes is a must! you've reached a point where u even hide his stuff as soon as they're fresh out of the dryer so he won't beat you to his own shirts. singing doesn't only limit to the kitchen, it also extends to the car and late night drives after work! you two would have songs blasting and the windows rolled down!!

masterlist

© sorencd . 2023 ─ do not copy, repost, translate or claim any of my works as your own.

[nina-ya]

public setting lawlu, imagine all the peeps sitting together drinking, luffys eating a shit ton as usual and law is sitting beside you, taking sips, making sure not to go overboard

but then he hears you "he's so grumpy, never smiles, honestly!" you giggle, your voice is exagerated, animated and all with the glimmer of mischief in your eyes, in truth you are merely riling him up. its worse cause you're with everyone "yeah and luffy, oh i love luffy's smile, yknow its contagious!" to which the strawhats agree, all giggling and chucking and clanking glasses to their captain.

even in his eating spur, luffy is back at you, eyes wide with glee before landing his lips on yours, you can taste the meat, and hint of alcohol, luffy is practically pushing his tongue down your throat, as if trying to devour you. your lucky everyone is mostly immereded in convo or too drunk to notice

then you feel law's hand on your thigh, hand heavy, gripping your skin, maybe even pushing the hem of your skirt up slightly in the process, oh he is so annoyed

he also wants to strangle luffy, out of annoyance and ofc jealousy!

(sorry, brain empty, only kissing luffy thoughts! also i loved ur repy, i was worried i went overboard, + ur writing so yummy in my tummy, 5 course meal)

LAWLU ANON I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING A HOT MINUTE TO RESPOND TO THIS I AM HERE THOUGH AND I AM EATING THIS UP AND SPILLING MORE THOUGHTS FOR YOU!! CW: themes of exhibitionism

You'd swallow, the taste of meat and alcohol lingering on your lips as Luffy pulls away, grinning ear to ear like the ball of sunshine he is. His contagious smile always makes your heart flutter, but its that inked hand on your thigh that's occupying your thoughts at the moment.

Law's grip tightens, fingers pressing into your skin, his thumb brushing dangerously close to the hem of your skirt. If you paid close attention, you would notice that the glint in his eyes are swirling with annoyance and maybe even possessiveness. You bite back a smirk, loving the way his jealousy flares so easily.

"You know," you'd say, your voice carrying over the chatter of the crew, "Luffy's smile really does light up a room. It's truly one of those things that I just adore about him." glance over at law and give him a teasing smile as you watch the way his jealousy seems to burn bright.

Law would lean in close, his breath fanning your ear. "Careful," he murmurs to you, "You're playing with fire."

And of course, you just keep on provoking. Doing everything in your power to show Luffy attention and add fuel to the fire. You feel his hand slide further up your thigh, his movements hidden by the table. Your heart thumps rapidly in your chest at the action.

You would eventually do something that causes Law's fingers to have a bruising grip on your flesh and you would meet his gaze, silently challenging him to do something about it.

Then, his fingers slip beneath your skirt, brushing against your panties. You try your best to suppress the gasp you nearly released. he reaches between your legs and he smirks, feeling the fabric is dampened from your arousal.

"You're wet already," he would whisper to you, "Is this turning you on? Being so close to everyone while I touch you? Do you like the idea of getting caught?"

Your heart is beating a million miles a minute, and your breath hitches as he pushes your panties aside and slides a finger along your slit. You've suddenly grown quiet, opting to focus on holding back those impending moans instead of chatting with the crew. His finger circles your clit, slow and torturous, sending your mind in a frenzy.

You can barely focus on anything else other than Law's hand between your legs. He slides a finger inside your dripping hole, curling it just right and relishing at the feeling of you clenching around him. You cover your mouth with your hand, doing your best to casually hide all of the sighs and gasps that are threatening to spill from your lips.

He leans in again and whispers "you're so tight. I wonder what Luffy will think of this when I tell him later." His thumb rubs against your clit as he sticks another finger in, the combination of the feelings making your hands ball into fists, knuckles turning white.

The sound of the crew is distant as your pleasure builds up moment by moment, teetering towards the edge of release. Luffy finally takes notice of you and he can't help but ask whats wrong. The hand that's not covering your mouth reaches over to Luffy and tugs him closer to you. You lean in, wrapping your arm around his neck, pulling him down and burying your head in the crook of his neck and bite down hard. As you tumble over the edge, you cum around Law's fingers and you let out a gasp against Luffy's neck, praying and hoping that anyone looking at you two would think that you're just hugging him.

Luffy catches onto the situation quickly as he sees Law removing your hand from under your skirt, licking up your essence with a shit eating grin as you are left spent and panting in Luffy's arms.

[swee7dream]

wayv as agere caregivers ! caregiver!wayv x regressor!reader

genres sfw age regression content, fluff warnings rly sappy nicknames used dni nsfw / kink author's note i need to put this out before anything else otherwise i'll be so lost when i write more vision stuff . this is basically for me to reference in advance . tag list @mystarsohee @cupofwyn @iwontlettheselittlethingsslip @aeriaeri ( comment / ask to join :D or be removed D: )

qian kun (ó㉨ò)

so sweet and so gentle :(

he’s so kind you can’t even THINK of going against his requests

makes mealtimes fun even if his tiny struggles with them for any reason

finds grapes in your ear! how did that happen? who put that there? oh well, you might as well eat it

always holding your hand or pinky

just loves to rest his cheek on top of your head or shoulder and watch as you play with your toys, chuckling softly as he hears you to talk to and as them

he’s a little stiff when it comes to playing but you can tell he’s doing his best so you’re not saying anything!

he accidentally sits on one of your stuffie and he holds it up and away from him in a panic, not knowing what the appropriate reaction is. does he apologize to you? to the toy? what is it called again? oh no…

very old-fashioned kind of caring

prioritizes you getting all your tasks done before doing anything fun

you begin to grumble but quickly stop when you turn to see him going (｡•ˇ‸ˇ•��) and so you bite your tongue

gives you little pieces of candy throughout the day to reward you for doing chores (and so you don’t complain)

loves feeding you! you can insist all you want but he’s making sure your plate is squeaky clean by the end of lunchtime.

“i know you can do it yourself, baby. but kun-kun wants to. won’t you let him? pretty please?”

calls you little bird and teases you as he wipes your face clean of any applesauce or animal cracker crumbs

big big big helper. helps pack your bag, tie your shoes, pick out an outfit, all with your permission first of course. and how could you deny him when his eyes are sparkling like that?

the inventor of headpats, actually

li yongqin ≽ܫ≼

MEAN.

ok not actually but he’s actually such a tease! the biggest tease in all of nct, i wanna say. there’s johnny, one step up is yuta, and a BIG gap after him is ten

makes everything a competition but makes sure to keep the victories 50/50

who can wash their face the fastest! who can tie their shoes the fastest! who can put away more clothes!

when you first told him he… did not react the best. he thought you were joking :( he made a couple jokes before realizing no, you were 100% serious

immediately apologized while also trying to figure out if you were crazy or not. he decided that you are, but in a cool way so he stuck around

it was a process, but with many (MANY) q&a sessions and research he was chill about it

he was never against it, just confused

but once he gets comfortable in his role as caregiver (read: evil older cousin/uncle) he’s super supportive, a very tough love kind of guy

unlike kun, doesn’t like making your decisions for you. highly encourages you making your own decisions even if, or especially if, it ends up making you look like you just hopped off the first bus out of clownville, silly city

‘silly’ and ‘goof’ are his defaults for you. ur just a silly, goofy baby!

when you’re super uber tiny, he likes breaking ur brain and putting the triangular prism block in the square hole

“how did you do that…” “no one will ever believe you”

dance parties all day, every day, from sunrise to sundown, until you’re both passed out on the floor

sometimes you wake up but when you’re in so deep you sleep through the night, ten’ll make sure to get you in bed, wiping the sticky leftover feeling of sweat off your face and arms with some baby wipes

dong sicheng ⋌(˚͈v˚͈)⋋

be so nice to him

i’m serious!!!

at the beginning he’s so, so nervous. he’ll never ask but the look in his eyes always reads as ‘oh my god am i doing this right please tell me this is right’

he’s kind of quiet. very easygoing

happy to just stay in and do puzzles with you (or maybe just watch if you don’t like sharing) but also okay with having a full-blown princess party where you both get dressed up and you do his makeup

can never say anything mean ever

it’s kind of funny to see all the different ways he avoids saying the word ‘no’

“winnie like it?” ”my eyes are so… scribbly. very avant garde” ”what’s that?” ”…it just means pretty, sweetheart.”

the best for the not-so-good days, even if he says he’s not

holds you in his arms and rocks the two of you as you sit on his lap, sniffling and leaving your tears on his shirt. blows your nose for you (because he loves you, but you’re not getting snot on him) and presses kisses to the top of your head

he doesn’t speak much but when he does it sends you into fits of giggles

he knows his power too! specifically uses it to distract you when you’re eating so he can he steal some of your food :P

when you told him about your regression he just stared at you with a blank stare that got you so nervous you just rambled and rambled for who knows how long until he interrupted you all of sudden, hand out like a crossing guard, and went ‘okay’

that’s it. ‘okay’

you weren’t quite sure what that meant but here you are, playing tea party together in your fairy tent

xiao dejun ٩(ˊᗜˋ )و

he’s like a straitjacket

always has his arms around you and his grip is surprisingly strong. you wriggle and kick around but all you’re gonna get is a whiny xiao peppering kisses into your neck

doesn’t like playing pretend. you always scam him :(

he says he’s never playing grocery store again until you pull out the waterworks and he’s back giving his entire pretend wallet for a pack of gum

likes to take you out on walks with bella, carrying a bug of doggy treats, bags, hand sanitizer, and an extra big bag for you to drop all the pretty stones and flowers you find along your trek

also likes to make crafts out of your nature walk finds, leaf stamps, rock pets, etc etc. makes sure to keep them high up on a shelf so neither leon nor louis nor levi nor coco can knock them over

it still doesn’t work :(

has the time of his life playing photobooth with you. almost losing his lungs laughing so hard at all the different filters where his eyes get big like a bug or you’ve suddenly been turned into yoda

called you baby yoda for a solid week before you told him to stop

he still calls you it sometimes under his breath because he just finds it so funny so many months later

disney karaoke nights are WEEKLY

even if you’re not feeling little he’ll just start poking at you like ‘hey :(’ pokes ‘come on’ pokes ‘let’s watch hercules :(’ pokes ‘and sing along :(’ pokes ‘come on :(’

and honestly you do slip and make him have to deal with a bratty baby for a good ten minutes until he pacifies you in a hug with a surprising bear-like grip

loves having matching items with you. his heart melted when you got matching sleep masks and wears it every single night

he doesn’t know you bought them because you’re tired of nearly screaming every time you’re returning to bed after using the restroom and he’s staring dead at you as he snores

wong kunhang ◉‿◉

pink everything.

pink clothes, pink plates, pink dollhouses, pink books, pink socks, pink nails, pink food

strawberry pink cupcakes with strawberry pink frosting and pink sprinkles and strawberry jam in the middle all made in the easybake oven

you get sick of anything strawberry pretty quick (both literally and figuratively), but don’t have the heart to tell dery about the pink…..

very good at coming up with characters on the spot. the number one person you can turn to for names and personalities of new plushies, bought or gifted by him

“what ‘bout this one, dery?” “hmm, well, how about she’s a detective? from space. from a moon far, far away but crash landed on earth! and now she’s trying to gather money to get back home!” “yeah!!!”

but ask him for advice on irl problems and none of that imagination transfers over.

whenever you’re feeling fussy and tearing up kunhang goes crazy

what do you need !!!!! food ??? tea ??? tv ??? cuddles ??? he doesn’t know !!! HERE !!! all at once !!!

u just had a tummy ache from too much ice cream :>

huge cuddler. nothing can stop him

doesn’t feel hindered in the slightest even if you ask to nap with him PLUS all your pillows and blankies and stuffed animals. calls you two the bread slices of a fluff sandwich

little bit of a klutz but loves cutesy, delicate things like hair clips and pretty nails, not just giving but also receiving the princess treatment he’s always determined to give you

likes to let you take your turn first before he tries anything new out of fear of hurting you or doing something the wrong way

that’s why he likes asking lots of questions when you two play makeover. likes learning about your colors you like on your nails, the colors you don’t, the texture and treatment of your hair, everything ! he thinks you’re the most interesting person in the whole wide world <3

liu yangyang ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

gives the vibes of a fun older brother / younger uncle

full of bad ideas but enough common sense to not go through with them 100% (unlike ten)

very sportsy, very energetic, very aNNOYING

soooo cocky and does not give you an advantage even though you’re literally so tiny !!!! like do u mind …….

he’ll leave u eating dust playing mario kart during the first race of the prix and your urge to bite him only gets WORSE as he calls himself the next hit nascar driver UGH

but after some lighthearted teasing and competition has started, he’ll dial it back a little

sings you lullabies and nursery rhymes in literally any language if you ask.

chinese, english, and german are e-z of course but if your native language is one outside of those three (or maybe you’re learning another one!) he’ll try his best to sing a song in that language just for you <3

probably has a yearly pass to the nearest amusement park so u go often and race eye arr el as well. doesn’t ride the roller coasters, though.

holds your bags and waves at you from the ground when you’re going up on the roller coasters, giggling when he sees ur feet dangling off the ground

just likes trips in general, honestly

keeps beach toys in the trunk during the summer, camping gear during the fall, skiing/snowman building things in the winter, and kites and picnic stuff for the spring !

are you feeling sad? let’s go to the park !

feeling sick? you must go to the beach! the doctors from 1800s were so right to send all those noblewomen to the coast and now it’s your turn

cabin fever is never a thing when ur yangie’s baby

didn’t know how to react when you opened up, just listened carefully and quietly and held tight to your hand the whole time.

it felt like you were rambling for hours, but he made sure to let it be known that he didn’t mind

took a little bit to reach your current dynamic, but he’s so so glad you were comfortable enough to share such an intimate part of yourself with him. he can’t imagine a life without his baby !!!!!

author's note hi !! it's been a while ! sorry . i would use The Situation as an excuse but that would be a lie . i've just been facing writer's block this past month PLUS regression block but yk ! i love to do this so i tried to at least put out something . i know it's not great but i hope it's not too bad .

in other news , i went to this new bakery place in my area and tell me why their cheesecake smelled SPOILED ???????? (｡Ó﹏Ò｡) 1O dollars down the drain T.T

i'm reopening my requests again just for inspo ( no full-length stuff yet ) as my older reqs have priority and i'm a girl of my word despite not punctual ......

[ryker-writes]

omg i love ur broken relationship sibling hcs i eat them up everytime 🫶 can i have a leona or jamil version 🥺

Yes! Someone else has requested Leona down the line so this one will be dedicated to Jamil. Thank you so much for reading and enjoying them! Not sure if this one was as angsty as I was hoping for but my brain was really struggling with Jamil for no reason. Sorry if this one isn't as good as my other ones

Request rules and Masterlists

Jamil as a sibling (Broken Relationship)

the Viper family has always served the Al-Asim family

since you were a part of the Viper family, you were expected to serve the Al-Asims like everyone else

this meant you had to spend your life doing whatever they said without being better than them at anything or speaking casually with them

your family was raised around them, so you were taught from a very young age how to act around them

your brother Jamil seemed very good at his job taking care of Kalim

he served Kalim well and never outshined him, but his talents still shined through

it was really impressive how he handled it all

especially with all of Kalim's whims and his carefree attitude

Jamil was a shining example of what your parents wanted

the perfect servant who did everything that was asked of him flawlessly, and didn't complain or protest in any way

you on the other hand, weren't perfect like him

at times it was difficult to keep up with your master and you would get tired quickly and even slip up as the day progressed

each and every time, you were scolded heavily by your parents

all it took was a quiet sigh for you to be scolded

eventually they had Jamil try to teach you how to be better

he...wasn't too happy about this

he's normally very busy anyway and this only took more time from him

Jamil acted very different from how he did normally

when it was just you, he didn't mind letting his frustration show

and he got frustrated quickly

he knew your parents standards so anything less than perfect service wasn't tolerated

so he didn't expect you to be perfect considering you needed his help, but he seemed to think you were worse than expected

in his eyes, teaching you might take a while

Jamil was certainly a strict teacher

he would have you practicing for hours and any mistake would mean you had to restart the process

there were some days where he was extra tired and he had no problems expressing that to you

when you failed then, he would mumble to himself like

"Hopeless. Absolutely hopeless and a waste of time."

you're not sure if he intended for you to hear his mumblings, but you certainly did each time

it's a bit spirit crushing to hear him say it more than once

it would make you dread the days when Kalim had more energy and was more lively

it wasn't really Kalim's fault but Jamil would be extra tired those days and end up taking it out on you

it was hard not to let his words get to you

so even when your parents decided that you didn't have to be taught by him anymore, his words stuck

anytime you failed at anything, his word would echo that you were hopeless

this followed you into Night Raven College too

especially since the only people you knew there were Jamil and Kalim

since Kalim was there, you were still expected to serve him

thankfully Kalim wasn't as strict about things and he treated you well

while you could be more at ease around Kalim, you couldn't around Jamil

he did give you some of his tasks to handle throughout the day and there were times you were left to watch Kalim

it wasn't too bad watching over Kalim

he was always very happy about it but that meant he wanted to go on adventures and do super exciting things with you

this is usually when it was more work

still, his energy and joy towards everything was nice

Jamil would check in periodically throughout the day to make sure you were doing everything right

if he saw something that was wrong, he'd immediately take over and tell you to just go anywhere else

all while mumbling to himself about it

for a bit, Kalim's joy was what kept you hopeful

but that changed too

during winter break, all of Scarabia was supposed to stay in order to train and study so we could do better in future events

Kalim himself ordered this

it didn't seem so bad at first

but then he made everyone march to the oasis multiple times throughout the day

it was far too much for everyone to handle

some students even passed out, and you started to feel it too

and to top it all off, Kalim wasn't actually marching with everyone

he got to ride on one of his elephants while everyone else marched

at some point, you decided to try and talk to Kalim about it

maybe you could get him to ease up on everyone just a little bit

you told him that the oasis was too far to walk to in the heat and some students, including you, were starting to feel like you're going to pass out

but Kalim snapped at you

"If you can't keep up, we'll leave you behind. We can't waste any time on people like you."

oh

it was like you were back to your childhood being taught by Jamil

but it was a little different coming from Kalim

almost spirit crushing all over again

you just went along with the march after that, not wanting to be left behind

for some reason, Kalim was much meaner to you after that

he's been more snappy and couldn't tolerate anything less than the best

and you didn't seen to cut it

still, you had to serve Kalim and Jamil made sure you did

Jamil told you that this was all for the better and that you should be helping encourage your peers

but it just didn't seem right to you

he only got more upset when you expressed that and started mumbling again

you can't remember much of what happened after that but you do remember that some of the other students seemed pretty upset with you

that wasn't the only time it happened either

there were a few more times when people would be upset with you, but you had no idea why

that was until some Octavinelle students came

they were guests and treated pretty well

but then Octavinelle's housewarden, Azul, exposed Jamil using a recording

Jamil was using his unique magic to control the minds of Scarabia...

that explains what's been happening to you and why Kalim has been acting meaner

Jamil was using the both of you to help enforce his plans

Kalim is the housewarden, but Jamil has been in charge this whole time

Kalim was pretty upset and tried confronting Jamil...

but that only led to Jamil overblotting and Kalim and the Octavinelle students were sent off into the desert

you were left with overblot Jamil

he had already started putting all of Scarabia under his control, but you just had to ask him

"Why? Why would you do this? To Kalim or me?"

he laughed

"I can't be expected to waste my life as someone else's servant. I'm meant to be the one in charge. You and Kalim are just easy pawns made to help me."

a pawn

that's all you were to Jamil

you can't remember much after that, which meant he must've used his magic on you again

when you were brought back to your senses, he had been defeated by Kalim and the others

and of course, Kalim was quick to forgive him, even wanting to throw a celebration

but you just couldn't take it

you couldn't be there and pretend like everything was okay, so you left Scarabia that night

and yet, Jamil had found you outside classes the next day and tried talking to you

"I just wanted to talk to you about everything that's happened. For the most part I just wanted to say...I'm sorry. It's not enough, I know that. But I hope that someday you could forgive me and I can work to be closer with you."

But can you forgive him after everything?

[ranposgirlboss]

~types of hugs they would give~

was daydreaming about ranpo and then my brain jumped to them giving hugs??? idk how that works but HERE WE ARE!!!

charas: dazai, chuuya, sigma, ranpo, and poe

genre: FLUFF >:))); a bit of flirting in dazai's because, well, dazai; can be seen as romantic or platonic other than that!!!; extremely wholesome shit idk :O; some hurt-comfort, but very mild!!

LETS COMMENCE ＼(°o°)／

-----------------------------------------------------

DAZAI

-over dramatic mf FRRRR

-hugs with him arent really emotional or srs or anything like that, HE KINDA JUST CLINGS TO YOU OUTTA NOWHERE NGL-

-like he'll be running away from kunikida and cling to you from behind to use you as a sheild

-awoop, jumpscare!!

-would probably make a comment about ur body or something, and how your just, "so charming" and he "jUsT cAnt KeEp hIs hAnDs oFf yOu!1!" (you can admit youre scared of kunikida beating the shit out of you its ok)

-tbh if you were crying or something like that, i feel like you would have to ask him to hug you, rather then him automatically doing so. (as we can see with atsushi 🥶)

-i feel like his hugs would be good enough for the circumstance, but he's kinda cold ngl (unless you like that!!)

-pretty much just uses u as a sheild tho 😭

CHUUYA

-i know that ive always gotta make him floating someone or something..... BUT HIS ABILITY IS SO COOL CMON

-if you asked him (and yall were close) he may float you

-WOULD BE HELLA EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT (DONT LET DAZAI SEE YALL, YOU'LL NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT)

-yall have really gotta have a really good amount of trust for him to hug you or just be physically affectionate in general!!!

-would grumble about it and pretend he totally didn't wanna hug you too

-would give pretty good hugs ngl

-IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY IF YOU WERE TALLER THEN HIM THO

-if yall are around the same height or ur shorter then him, they're pretty comforting

-BUT IF YOURE TALLER THEN HIM YOU HAVE MAKING FUN OF HIM RIGHTS, AND ITS KINDA HARD NOT TO MAKE FUN OF HIM WHEN HE CAN BARELY HUG YOU NORMALLY

-if you were crying or having a bad moment, he probably wouldn't hug you that fast though, but if you're ranting to him about how horrible it is, he might just hug you out of nowhere cuz he doesn't know what to say.

-if youre trustworthy to him, his hugs are very nice, he would prob be neutral temp or slightly warm ngl

-UGH CHUUYA HUG MEEEE TOOOOO ಥ‿ಥ

RANPO

-THE ALMIGHTY INSPIRORER OF THIS (is that how you spell that ;-;??)

-WOULD GIVE SUCH GOOD HUGS OMG

-all you gotta do is ask

-unless hes busy being possessive of his snacks, he might think you're tryna sneak in and take a bite when he's distracted (눈‸눈)

-but when hes not eating (which is pretty rare), just ask him and he will

-might complain about being lazy a bit, but in the end, he will always hug you if you insist!! <33

-if you were crying or sad about smth, he would either literally fucking bearhug yo ass and comfort you or he would give you space to process your emotions, there is no in between.

-HES LIKE SO WARM BUT NOT THE CLAMY AND SWEATY WARM JUST LIKE THE REALLY NICE WARM.

-he also smells like sweets which is a more comforting and homey bonus!!!

-VERY AMAZING HUGS WOULD RECOMMEND 10/10!!!

SIGMA

-THEY DID MY DUDE SO BAD IN THE ANIME IM SORRY SIGMA YOU DESERVED BETTER THAN THIS MANGA SIGMA SUPREMACY

-but anyways

-ngl he would be kind of awkward sometimes but YOU KNOW HE HAS THE BEST INTENTIONS!!!

-SIGMA IS A VERY GOOD COMFORTER TO HAVE!!

-yknow how he memorizes everyones problems at the casino??

-yeah he also memorized yours, so he knows RIGHT AWAY when something is off or you need a hug!!

-he is very quick to hug you, not only to comfort you, but he also finds it comforting ⊂((・▽・))⊃

-will also leap on you out of joy (is extremely embarrassed after)

-overall, very wholesome, has the best intentions (i swear i forget he's apart of a criminal organization sm)

POE

-OH BOY

-would be so flustered if you asked him

-seems like he would WANT to ask you, but is too embarrassed and shy to ಥ‿ಥ

-PLEASE ASK HIM HE IS INTERNALLY BEGGING, AND HE NEEDS ONE (honestly everyone in bsd needs one)

-would so awkward at first because he doesn't wanna make uncomfortable in any way so he's like barely hugging you

-if he eases into it tho, he would actually be a pretty nice hugger

-just PLEASE ASK HIM FIRST, HE WILL ALWAYS ACCEPT

-if you were upset or sad about something, i honestly feel like he would just give you space to sort yourself, i feel like he would want the same space when he's upset.

-but if you ask him HE WILL VERY GLADLY HUG YOU SINCE HE HATES SEEING YOU SAD

-very nice hugs once you get past the awkward stage!!! just takes practice tho <33

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HOW DO I WRITE THE MOST WHOLESOME THINGS WHILE LISTENING TO THE MOST EDGY SONGS PLEASE HELp

i was also getting distracted by my music and this was supposed to be posted yesterday but whatever!! that's how it be

ANYWAYS, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED, PLEASE ONCE AGAIN SEND ME REQS!! THANKS FOR READING ( ◜‿◝ )♡

[ashleyloob]

Hi!

From someone who is disorganized and discouraged, I would love advice on weight-lifting/building muscle. Would you share your understanding of building muscle and the breakdown of diet?

If possible, could you share how you apply what you know to yourself? If you use any tools to help you?

Struggled with working out, gaining weight, and eating my whole life. Thanks!

prefacing this with some important info for fellow disorganized scatterbrains!!!!

the main reason why ppl have trouble sticking to a lifestyle change is because they try to make very drastic changes too quick, and you get overwhelmed and it becomes unsustainable. this is especially an issue for neurodivergent folks, and since it's Tumblr I assume a good chunk of y'all are (me too dw)

DON'T immediately overhaul ur diet and hit the gym 5x a week from day 1!!! hitting tiny goals consistently is also more rewarding than working towards one very large arbitrary goal that you might not reach, esp when it comes to working out. start veeery small if u need to, such as only 10 bodyweight squats per day like i did and go from there. you wanna program ur brain into feeling accomplished to keep you motivated. patience is key!!!!

ok!! now onto the more detailed info below

Disclaimer: I'm still a newbie myself!! only consistently lifting heavy for about 3 months as of this post. I did a good deal of excessive info diving on lifting using the power of Sheer Autism, and my main gym buddy is very experienced & taught me a good chunk of this shit so shout-out to my pal for making all this possible xoxo

so good news!! "building muscle" is very easy for beginners starting from zero. newbie gainz are absolutely real. at this stage you can do just about anything at the gym and get stronger bc u can only go up. BUT!! if you structure it, you can make the process enjoyable and much more efficient. if you're goal oriented (lookin at u ADHD menaces), you'll love the concept progressive overload.

PROGRESSIVE OVERLOAD & SETS/REPS

wikipedia defines progressive overload as: a method of strength training and hypertrophy training that advocates for the gradual increase of the stress placed upon the musculoskeletal and nervous system. in layman's terms, it just means gradually adding more weight as you work out to increase the difficulty as you get stronger. progress is VERY easy to track because of this, and you'll be hitting PRs pretty much every week for the first couple of months and that shit feels fantastic because you physically feel yourself getting stronger so rapidly. I use the app Strong to track my workouts. so, how do we structure progressive overload? that's through sets/reps. A rep is a single execution of an exercise. 1 squat is one rep. 2 squat is 2 reps. and so on. A set is a collection of reps. The format is Sets x Reps, for example: 3x5 means 3 sets of 5 reps. You will rest between sets, and it's typically anywhere from 1 minute all the way up to 5 minutes depending on the level of exertion/type of training you are doing. Heavier weights mean longer rest periods and vice versa.

WHERE DO I EVEN START??

For those interested in barbell training: the r/fitness beginner routine is pretty good! I also recommend 5x5 stronglifts. both are very straightforward, but also note the typical olympic barbell is 45lbs. If this is a weight you struggle with, you can begin with bodyweight exercises, dumbbells, or machines at the gym which are all very BEGINNER beginner friendly. especially when it comes to legs you're probably much stronger than you think. Most people can squat 45lbs first try. don't be afraid -- you're standing on those things all day, they can support hella weight. Like I mentioned earlier, don't be afraid to start veeeery small and work your way up from there. I started at home with doing only bodyweight squats without the barbell, then added on benching with light 7lb dumbbells after a week, then impulse signed up for a gym membership a month later and began to go there to use equipment and now i'm deadlifting over 100lbs as a tiny girl that previously was too weak to even lift a 40lb dog. it snowballs quicker than you think once you gain confidence in your own body and its abilities!

WOAH I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SQUAT/DEADLIFT/BENCH/THIS IS SCARY AND IM FUCKING UP

If you can, i highly recommend getting a personal trainer to assist you, or tag along with a gymrat pal to show you the ropes. This page is also a good resource to learn specific lifts. otherwise, youtube is your best friend. you can record your sets and compare your form to form tutorials on youtube, and actively take notes on what to change the next time you work out. Be an active learner!!! be aware of what muscles are engaged when you lift and how your body feels. almost NOBODY gets it right the first time, esp with barbells. we've all made fools out of ourselves at the gym as beginners it's chill. i find people at the gym are very nice and willing to help you out if you're struggling, and people don't judge at all-- it's very easy to get in your own head in these spaces but most humans there are supportive and want you to succeed, especially since it's a hobby they are also passionate about. the more you do it, the less anxious you get. exposure therapy is very effective!! Also, almost all the barbell exercises can be replaced with smaller dumbbells, and you can do them at home if you get your own set + a workout bench (pretty cheap if u get secondhand, check facebook marketplace/craigslist). i got mad social anxiety myself so i understand sometimes you just can't, and this is an option for those that find public spaces overwhelming.

DIET

I personally don't think specialized diets/precise macro tracking is super duper important for newbies/casuals, only moderately important (spicy take for some but whatever). but you probably naturally will take an interest in diet once you realize it'll help you perform significantly better in the gym. the only macro i track is protein. You can use a TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) calculator to roughly estimate the amount of protein you need for maximum gainz. it's usually around .7-1g of protein for every pound of lean body mass (weight that isn't fat mass). Imma be real it's pretty hard for me to hit the recommended protein goal and most days I don't because my appetite just can't kick in for the amount it demands, and protein is super filling. I found that if i decreased the amount of carbs i eat, i am able to consume more protein bc i guess there's more room in my stomach lol. i eat a fuck ton of greek yogurt, chicken, fish, and tofu. when i started working out, i begin cooking a lot more and found i naturally craved less processed junk foods and snacks because the protein was keeping me full all day which is a plus! Even when im not regularly hitting my protein goal my gym progress is still going well and I think it's simply because my diet is A LOT better than what it used to be in my gremlin days. I also eat a lot more now that i've gained a bit of muscle, so do be prepared for food costs to go up as your metabolism increases and demands more energy to upkeep your gainz.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR ME TO LOOK LIKE A MUSCLE MOMMY????

a whileeee. over a year, probably, unless if you're on anabolic steroids (dont ever do that u will quite literally die). and physique is mostly from diet since it's dependent on your body fat percentage, the saying "abs are made in the kitchen" is true. its why you see hyper skinny terminally indoors gamer dudes with abs, even if they'd snap in half if you farted in their general direction. those mfs barely eat they too busy being gamers i am no longer interested in lifting for aesthetics personally since i get more joy from hitting PRs and i'm pretty content with my body image, but ik physique is the reason why most people get into lifting so i'll touch on it. Weightlifting on its own will not make you lose weight or fat. Again, it needs to be supplemented with a healthy sustainable diet (DO NOT DO CRASH DIETS THAT SHIT IS GARBAGE) and a form of cardio. I actually gained 8lbs since I began lifting from water retention & new muscle mass (muscle is more dense than fat, your body retains water when repairing muscle after a gym sesh) but my measurements and pants size have remained the same. I'm short, so something as small as a 5lb increase usually bumped me up a pants size but it didn't this time bc im gettin swole :') if you want to track physique changes, measuring your waistline & progress pics is a better way to do so than the scale. If you want bigger muscles, look into hypertrophy training. it's a tad different from strength training, mainly because you do higher reps at a lower weight.

[gio-goose]

Can you give me a few art tips i want to be able to draw sin kiske too

I am not the greatest at explaining things or giving advice. These tips are just what many artists have already said and points that *I* personally agree with or have helped *me*. The reason why I am putting emphasis on myself is because everyone is different so what helps *me* might not help you. These things you will have to figure out yourself, BUT there are many MANY art tutorials from different artists with different styles so maybe you can find something there! Anyways moving on-

Don‘t think too much and just DOODLE DOODLE AND MORE DOODLING

I am serious, turn that brain off and start doodling. I had this mental barrier for sometime (that I am still struggling with) where I just didn‘t feel confident in my art and didn‘t even wanna START drawing, bc I felt like everything sucked ass. But just turning that brain off and mindlessly doodling is so SO great because it doesn‘t have to be perfect or anything AND through the repeating motions of sketching you‘re training your hand to become better at making nice smooth strokes. Sketching mindlessly is honestly very theraputic for me, cuz I just get to have silly fun. There‘s no pressure in doing things. AND sometimes doodling mindlessly can lead to great ideas.

Tracing/Referencing

Ik there‘s lots of discourse about tracing and referencing in the art community, but I can only tell you that this has been extremely helpful for me and getting my anatomy right. While tracing helps getting the placements of body parts and lines right, referencing really helps train your eyes what to look for. You‘ll start to recognize familiar shapes that are prevalent in almost all body types or certain things that are almost always there in nature. Tracing can also help you get more familiar in the way that you draw certain things. These techniques are all about familiarizing yourself with whatever you‘re trying to draw (bodies, faces, landscapes etc) and engraving it into your mind. Ofc if you decide to post something where you traced or referenced something it‘s always good to show your sources, but this is mostly something to do in private.

Take breaks, treat yourself with something nice :)

Art can be tiring, so be sure to always ALWAYS take breaks when you feel like its about to get frustrating and maybe eat something, do something else to replenish that art juice, yeah? Breaks can last however long you want. Whats most important is that you won‘t start hating the process cuz this shit can be mentally taxing so breaks are super important. Even if the break takes a year or something, art can always wait and its not like you‘ll immediately forget all your skills that you have gained yk? Maybe you‘ll get rusty but muscle memory is one hell of a thing. You‘ll get the hang of it in no time!

Get shiggy wiggy with it

What I mean by this is to just have fun. Art is supposed to be enjoyable, so I say go crazy, go stupid with it. Like who gives a shit if its stupid or cringe? Just have fun! Don‘t let someone ruin the fun in art for you, okay? These people stink anyway smh my head… they just don‘t understand the joy of creating a beautiful art piece about ur favourite charaters doing dumb shit or kissing each other. (Just uh… don‘t get illegal with it)

Get obsessed with something. I am very serious about this

Unironically, getting obsessed with a character or franchise has helped me a lot to keep being motivated to draw. Like a character that just makes you so so happy that you just keep drawing them (I mean, look at me 💀), which goes back to the first point. Being obsessed with something can keep you drawing something for a long time. And it gives you a big ass serotonin boost. However-

Try something new!

Drawing the same thing over and over again is great, but it can get stagnant really quick. So sometimes you have to try something new, stuff that might be difficult or things you aren‘t really confident yet (like hands. Yeah I know, its a nightmare). Doing this will make your skillset much bigger and may deepen your understanding on how stuff works cuz this art stuff is really interconected. Like, if you know one thing then maybe you can also do the other.

Take it slow. Be easy on yourself

There is ALWAYS this constant need to improve. Especially on social media, where artists are expected to improve in lightning speeds or post the perfect art pieces (and tbh some of these might be self imposed too). But you really, you don‘t. Just enjoy it at your own pace, be proud of the stuff you made. Save it, keep it and look back on it to see how much you‘ve improved. Don‘t view art as something you need to be perfect at, but just as something that makes you happy. An outlet for your feelings. Something to do when you‘re bored. Or stuff like that, cuz it‘s really not that serious UNLESS you want it to be like a job or something. So be patient, because art is a marathon, not a sprint. There is no need to hurry.

Aannddd if you wanna be able to draw Sin specifically then channel your inner whimsical creature, become jolly, be silly and get shiggy wiggy with it :)))

[neurodiversebones]

I want to hear the ed + recovery thoughts. I want to hear them so badly. I have post notifications on for you and saw your post within a minute because of how much I love your thoughts.

should i be sleeping? yes i have to leave for work in exactly 8 hours (i said when i started this . as im finishing it we are looking at 7 hrs 15 min lol) . but i Have to Talk ! also just letting you know you almost made me CRY with this ask you guys are all genuinely so sweet and kind to me i cannot believe it 💗💐☀ i love you all :-((

OKAY gonna put this under a cut so anyone who doesn't wanna see ed related content can SCROLL AWAY ! gonna avoid being triggering but . protect ur peace and all that <3 also i wanna put out there that this is mostly based on my own experiences with seven years of various eating disorders so if you are reading this and it doesn't fit your idea or perception of ed's that may be why !

ok so the three main characters i have ed-related headcanons for are brennan, angela, and cam (before anyone comments that it's only the women . there is no correlation i promise . i am projecting and these are my Projection Characters .)

i hc brennan as having arfid and orthorexia-- arfid developed for her from a combination of sensory issues with food as well as food-related anxiety from foster care (not always having enough to eat, rarely having any choice in what she ate, food-related punishments within abusive homes). being avoidant is an easy way to ignore the anxiety and stress that comes along with eating, between her sensory issues and the fact that she wasn't given an opportunity to develop much of a healthy relationship with food. orthorexia also developed as a control mechanism, but later in life (around college age). it was the first time since her parents left that she had control over her life, and that included food-- she became very obsessive about what she was putting in her body, because it gave her some of that sense of control back. her obsession with being "healthy" allowed her to feel like she was the one in charge of her body for the first time since she was fifteen.

in regards to recovery, she really didn't realize she had a problem for ages. since she wasn't medically unstable or engaging in super obvious behaviours, she didn't see herself as suffering from an eating disorder at all. it wasn't until sweets pointed out her disordered eating habits that she realized there was anything wrong with what she was doing-- she brought it up to booth, who agreed, which culminated in a fairly major argument as she didn't see anything she was doing as "bad" or disordered, just "healthy" and "in control". after a Real Conversation though, she eventually accepted that she might have some sort of problem and started looking into it more. she is definitely still in recovery, as it is a very slow process after so many years of disordered eating, but she makes an effort to engage in things that scare the disordered part of her brain. her favourite memory in regards to this was getting *real* ice cream for the first time in god knows how long when her and angela were out with the kids <33

my headcanons in regard to angela's ed are very connected to my headcanon that she has bipolar disorder-- many of us with bipolar really struggle with disordered eating and i specifically hc angela as having bulimia. it started when she was a teenager and first starting to experience bipolar episodes-- when manic or depressed, it's incredibly easy to fall into b/p cycles. when she was manic, it was like a form of thrill seeking, and she didn't have the capacity to care for the destruction it was causing, and when depressed, it felt like she was putting her awful feelings into something physical. it was hard to express her emotions through words, so she used her body instead.

i think she entered recovery for the first time in her late teens (around 17) when her mental health hit like . rock bottom and her dad decided that they needed to do something about it. she got the treatment she needed, and also took time away from school to tour with her dad-- exploring the country and having so much time to just sit with her thoughts (especially now that they were a little easier to manage with medication) is what made her start doing art really seriously-- if she couldn't express her hurt with her body anymore, she was going to do it on a page, and she created some of her most beautiful paintings during that time that she is still very proud of to this day. she still has slip ups to this day when she is struggling with her episodes, but with hodgins and brennan she is much more capable of talking through it before it gets to a dangerous point of relapse.

as for cam's ed, i feel this is the one i've talked about the most before bc she is my comfort character in this aspect? i headcanon her to have anorexia, specifically restrictive subtype. for her it's a control and perfectionism thing, as well as a "growing up masking autism" thing. cam has a very perfectionist and obsessive personality type, and it's mostly directed toward herself. everything she does needs to be perfect to be enough, and she needs to feel in control at all times. food is one of the easiest ways to do this-- if she can control her body and the food she consumes, obsess over numbers and physical changes and symptoms, it makes her feel a little more at ease in her life because she feels she has *something* under her control. as for the masking thing, she often masked with hyperfemininity growing up-- she was praised frequently for being a "good girl", and part of keeping up that image was looking the "right" way (aka, thin). if she could keep up this image, people wouldn't notice the things that made her odd or how unnatural everything felt to her. it's another control thing, but with another layer to it.

cam took a *long* time to start real recovery. she had phases where it got less severe, even some to the point where she barely thought about it, but restriction and denial was always still a part of her mentality and routine. it wasn't until arastoo came along that she felt comfortable enough to explain her pain and her thoughts to another person-- she was always too scared to unload on anyone else, so she kept it a secret essentially her entire life. arastoo was the first person she trusted to listen without judgement, and he encouraged her to talk to her other friends and loved ones about it (all of whom were incredibly understanding and supportive). in a similar sense to brennan, recovery is really difficult for her, having struggled for so incredibly long and having her disorder be a part of her daily routine for the majority of her life. however, she tries incredibly hard-- arastoo is teaching her how to cook (she never learned) and she's learning to find the joy in food through that, and allowing herself to relax around it a little more <333

that is all !!!! wow this is so very long lol . i hope you enjoyed this it was cathartic for me

[krunchylegs]

literal yap

i am so mad at myself bc i feel like ive basically reset my progress, ive walked a lot today (18k steps) but i feel sick rn bc i overate. i literally planned out my meals but when i was out i ate twice and then i was like, 'itll be fine ill skip dinner and it wont be too much' but then i ate dinner bc i played badminton (which im happy to get back into) but i think that made me hungry, and then i made myself breakfast and lunch for tomorrow and atm im using a protein powder with fat free greek yogurt and peanut butter mix for my breakfast (it is not low cal unfortunately but idk how to make it any lower and i dont want to remove the peanut butter). but anyways, thats what ive been eating for breakfast since like today basically, but i like it a lot and i wanted to eat it so bad but i knew id be so pissed and i was gonna just wait but then i decided to be an idiot and just made another serving of it and ate it and i didnt even measure anything properly and now i feel so dumb😭😭 im trying to give myself a little bit of slack bc today was super stressful for me bc im starting college and today was my first day and theres been a little family issues recently and i felt like shit and super emotional today so i think that might be why i just gave in to my cravings, its not even actual hunger its just what my brain wants not what my body is even asking for.

im not going to let this stop me tho, failing is just apart of the process ig 💔

also i was thinking about beginning ballet as an adult, ive only had a few classes when i was really little but ive been obsessed with ballet for like 2 or 3 years now and i felt too old to start but now im 18 and im like damn i couldve started during that time and i wouldve at least been somewhere with it by now 😭 but who cares, ik ballet is one of those things that most ppl only do if they grew into it but i feel like i didnt really get the chance to have a feel for it and if i hate it then at least i tried it. and ik its hard and ik itll be difficult but for me its more about having fun so yeah, im gonna ask my mum soon if i can join a class, she basically said that this year is my year to get all of my artsy stuff out of the way :/ so i may as well try pick something up to do. i just hope im not as isolated this year. i hated 6th year (final yr of highschool), literally no friends 😭 but like fr no one talked to me and i was so isolated it literally felt weird to talk for more than a few seconds. hopefully itll be different this time and i can make some friends, being lonely sucks so hard and its so cringe too like wdym ur in the bathroom stall the whole lunch period bc you dont want to eat + u got no friends, like bruh.

that school food was nasty tho idk why mfs were genuinely running for it...

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

ALEXIS MY ANGEL call me yan!gojo bc i would do ANYTHING for u ………

ALEXIS I LOVE YOUUUUU YOU’RE SO SWEET 😥😥😥😥😞😞😞😞😞 cried reading this UR APPROVAL MEANS SM i’m always chasing it to be clear but since this is ur concept i wanted to do it justice so bad 👉👈 I LOVED WRITING IT BUT I WAS NERVOUS PSHJDDJ so ur words mean the world to me!!! T_T are ur studies going well btw… are any profs giving u trouble……. asking for no particular reason………

have i ever told u that ur descriptions are beautiful. have i. i'm sure i have but i'll say it again. ur writing just makes me feel things i 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

now what if i kissed u silly 🤨🤨 ALEXIS I MELTED INTO A PUDDLE don’t do this to me ……. sniffle. u are so kind. thank u 😥😥😥😥 every time i read ur writing i am consumed by a primal need to eat it all in one bite so i can carry it w me wherever i go so i just feel so warm knowing u like mine too T_T we are holding hands in my brain always

I LOVE how u explain his thought process. the inklings of a yandere. a man that is willing to bend his morals and skirt the law because he just wants u to be happy. mwah. mwah mwah mwah. i love yan!gojo with my whole heart

I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW OVERJOYED I AM THAT THIS YAN!GOJO GETS YOUR APPROVAL that’s all i want!!!!!!!! i am in fact kicking my feet and giggling happily AND I’M SO GLAD U LIKED THE GOJO CHARACTERIZATION IN GENERAL i wanted to make him extra sickly sweet in this to get that yan contrast yk ….. he is soooo willing to bend his morals bc u are the Light of his life the center of it all!!!!!! he’s so smitten it’s crazy

not talking abt gojo but acc fuck this guy i'd be so pissed off 😭ALSO??? TEACHER!GOJO BYEEE i love canon teacher gojo ofc but making him good with kids and making him good with TODDLERS IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT THING... i just know he loves his students... i just know they cling onto his legs... i just know he yells at them when they go too high on the 5-foot rock wall bc he's a tiger parent around them... i just know he plays tag with them and pretends to get tired when he runs so they can tag him... i just know...

ALEXIS STOP STOP IT RN WHATTT ARE U DOING TO ME ,……… HE’S A TIGER PARENT HE’S A PAPA BEAR 😔😔😔😔 YOU’RE SOOOO RIGHT HE’S SO PROTECTIVE SO SWEET SO PLAYFUL ….. he sees all of them as his own kids LMAO i think he would be jealous of their parents . like wdym he can’t adopt them all… wdymmm they aren’t his….. he literally carried every single one of them for nine months </3 he would cry when they graduate i just KNOW it he’s so so sniffly and sad :(((( baby boy

get that professor OUTTA there and put me in his place tf 😭😭 why does such a horrible person get to be so up close nd personal with him ion get it 🙄🙄🙄0/10 fic if u really loved me it would've been me in his place /j

NOT THE JEALOUSY???????? 😭😭😭😭😭 okay ill keep that in mind for the knight!sugu fic pls know that any character that touches suguru is inspired by you and only you 🙏🙏🙏 all roads lead to alexis etc etc

IM GONNA HURLLL there's something so vulnerable about yan!gojo who knows what he's doing is wrong but it's all for the person he loves so it doesn't matter.. it's so tragic :( thank god this isn't an actual story bc it would not end well for him

THIS….. he’s soooo self aware maybe a lil plagued by guilt…. one line i considered putting in was (there’s nothing wrong with me. there’s nothing wrong with this.) from gojo’s pov but i figured that might be a bit too on the nose 😭😭 in my brain there’s this gap? that yan!gojo has… where he wants to protect u but also wants to be someone who deserves u. a good person. so he overcompensates for the yan tendencies in every single other area he can ….. yan!gojo core is killing a guy and then getting ur fave take out on his way back to make up for the blood on his hands <33

idk if this is intentional, but i love ur use of nicknames in this. all the classic "baby" and "honey" ones are used normally, but "angel" is only used once (other than the title!).. bc bc. guardian angels are supposed lead humans to salvation but if anything, reader unintentionally corrupted him past the point of no return, but in his eyes, the reader is an angel that he serves (an angel whose commands he follows, an angel who only represents good and light, so obviously what he's doing is justified)🙏i love it 🙏i also think it's the only nickname where he uses "my" in front of it and that just adds a whole other layer i just. wow.

ALEXIS??? U LITTLE GENIUS????? the angel motif was planned but i didn’t even realize i only made that petname possessive in tone… it’s canon now though ‼️ DISREGARD MY PREVIOUS STATEMENT ‼️ this was planned all along <333 BUT GRRRRR ALEXIS u are always so thoughtful and attentive it blows my mind!!! the angel motif ended up becoming such a central part of this fic pdhjdjd BUT U GET IT OFC U DO…. reader unintentionally corrupting him…. gojo viewing you as something almost other-worldly in how important u are… it’s like. you’re his guardian angel and he’s yours right back but in both cases it ends up twisted 😵‍💫😵‍💫

ok first of all these sentences are so beautifully written but i also love how he thinks about loving you. it's honestly 😭im kinda getting denji/makima vibes if denji/makima was a decent ship and makima was a good person yk 😭 AND I MEAN THAT WITH THE BEST OF COMPLIMENTS.. like the way the reader just controls him without even knowing, the way he would do anything (and literally everything) for the reader, etc. etc. reader's got the boy wrapped around their finger and they don't even realize i love it

SNIFFLE ALEXIS I AM HUGGING U GENTLY </3 im so glad u liked those lines they r the bread and butter of this fic tbh … BUT ALSO DENJI/MAKIMA????? ALEXIS????? I’M LOSING IT GRRRR HOW DID U KNOW I’M ILL ABT THEIR DYNAMIC…. 😞😞 no bc i can’t believe i didn’t think abt that… literally my fave example of the angel/dog dynamic….. it’s so perfect bc denji (my perfect little angel boy <33333 i kin him) isn’t malicious he’s just full of trauma and a yearning for love that he can’t satiate in a normal way :(( so he just clings to this goddess figure in his life… devoting everything to her….. it’s sooo yan!gojocore like truly you can do no wrong in his eyes. ”if my girl is wrong i will simply reshape reality so that she’s right” bf

all the orpheus/eurydice, heaven on earth, angel, the title imagery makes me want to gnaw on this fic until im left with the bones. like the reader isn't even human to him anymore. if anything, instead of guiding him to salvation, they are his salvation and i just mmm. mmmmmm. i need him

U GET IT U GET IT U GET IT U GET ITTTTTT reader is his salvation!!!!! so true!!!!!! you are all that is good!!!!!! and he’d do anything to keep ur light from dwindling out :(((( he makes me feel a little ill i’ll be honest THIS IS ALL UR FAULT ALEXIS my thoughts r filled with this silly little beast </3

ARIII IM GONNA CHOKE 😭what did reader do to him to make him this delusional i wonder.. it doesn't even matter bc this is so well written. the way he thinks he's protecting the reader, and in a small sense he is, but he keeps it a secret bc he not only KNOWS its wrong, but he also knows that the reader would be horrified/disgusted if they ever found out. and he's not as delusional to think that his actions will never come back to him either, but for reader, he'd do anything i just... i just....

alexis have i mentioned that i would do literally anything for u……. u just Get it so effortlessly i’m so happy this could get even a sliver of ur approval i am feasting on all ur words HE’S SO….. he’s soooo Sane he just doesn’t really care abt the consequences…. he’s a spider masquerading as a butterfly thinking he can trap all flies that touch you in his web but one day one of you will be tangled up in it and that’s just so :((( yan!gojo is so Doomed. he wants to be a good man so bad but he wants you to be happy even more. sniffle.

IM KISSING UR FOREHEAD AGGRESSIVELY + SPINNING U AROUND !!!!!!!! this made my whole year alexis u are so sweet to read this and to write this out it means sm to meeeee T~T AND TYSM FOR BRINGING YAN!GOJO INTO MY LIFE he made it worse <3333 i love him though. our deranged little bug boy. I LOVE U ALWAYS if u need me to threaten any prof at any given moment hmu <33

you’re an angel, i’m a dog ; satoru gojo

synopsis; an upcoming exam has been stressing you out, and satoru’s pleas for you to take care of yourself fall on deaf ears. he takes matters into his own hands.

word count; 4.3k

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, yan!gojo, as far as yanderes go he’s very mild i think (im sensitive u can trust me!!), mentions of blood, implied murder (not depicted!!), he threatens your professor w a knife lol, surprisingly fluffy??, gojo is soooo lovesick & smitten, he just wants his baby to live a happy life :( is that so wrong :((, also your parents love him <33 and he calls you honey <333 ideal man.

a/n; i blacked out & when i woke up this was in my drafts… mysterious. @kissxcore here u go alexis <33 one very smitten morally gray yan!gojo just for u!! i completely lost the plot halfway through but i had a lot of fun writing this!! :33 i don’t dabble in yan content at all so it was a fun lil challenge hehe, i hope it ended up . Somewhat .. decent…

satoru thinks you deserve everything good.

”haah…”

— the sigh spills into the air, dripping with exhaustion, a palpable fatigue that has his heart clenching.

just as he feared, you’re here. again. seated on the couch, in the living room, legs crossed and framed by flimsy strings of moonlight; illuminated only by the dim light of the laptop in front of you. carding through your hair, blinking sluggishly.

another sigh. deep, exasperated — from satoru, this time. he keeps a single hand on his hip, brows furrowed in soft disappointment. 

”honey… what do you think you’re doing?”

you jolt, the sudden sound breaking you out of whatever trance you were previously in. when your gaze flits to his, craning your head to see him rest against the wall leading up to your bedroom, he thinks you look a little like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

it makes him smile. despite his disapproval.

”ah — satoru! it’s… um.” a moment passes. he can practically see the gears of your mind turning, searching for a good excuse. ”… not what it looks like?”

he clicks his tongue. ”nice try.”

then he’s walking towards you, in long strides, gliding across the room like a butterfly in search of nectar. from the sweetest flower there ever was.

even when said flower is still awake, past midnight, pulling an all-nighter despite his frequent advice not to. his very frequent, very thoughtful advice not to strain yourself until you just about pass out.

but you just won’t listen.

”’m disappointed in you, baby,” he huffs, just playful enough to ward off any genuine feelings of distress. he could never truly be disappointed in his baby. ”what did we say about studying this late, hm?”

a sheepish chuckle slips past your lips. satoru is standing in front of you, hands on his hips, raising a questioning eyebrow as you squirm. lighthearted, yes, but genuine. it makes you feel a little guilty.

”… sorry,” you breathe, closing the lid of your laptop. knowing he won’t let you stay up any longer. with the loss of light, your face becomes shrouded in darkness. ”just can’t sleep when i’m so stressed.”

at that, satoru makes a tiny noise — something worried, a little sad, from the base of his throat. a soft frown finds its way onto his lips, and he blinks the sleep away from his senses. plopping down beside you.

”i know. i’m not trying to lecture you,” he croons, reaching out to cradle the apple of your cheek. you melt into him like molten honey, easy and sweet. ”just worried. know you’re stressed.”

and he does. he does know — it’s all he’s been able to think about, these past few weeks. to his dismay, he’s even begun to grow used to this sight, used to findist you in the midst of working yourself to exhaustion. fighting the urge to sleep, slumped over your desk, or cooped up on the couch. staring into your laptop like it holds the secrets of the universe.

time and time again, he’s told you to take care of yourself. tried to coax you into relaxing, rubbing your sore shoulders and kissing the puffy skin beneath your eyes. but this exam is important — you’ve told him as much, more times than he can count. he doesn’t doubt that you’re right. 

of course you’d be stressed. he gets it.

still, though.

”but you know it’s not good, yeah? that it’ll just burn you out?” his thumb goes to smooth over the dark crescents beneath your eyes, gentle as a feather. ”we don’t want that, do we?”

you bite your lip. trapping it between your teeth. he knows you know. ”… yeah,” you admit, a flimsy little sigh on your tongue. ”it just feels easier to do this at night. don’t know why.”

”my little night owl.”

that makes you smile, a little, but it’s not enough to satisfy him. he curls an arm around your waist, and drags you into his lap; gentle, always gentle, like all that exists under your skin is made of porcelain. like the lines of your face form a string of words, a label of fragile: handle with care. he always does.

with his heartbeat by your ear, his warmth melting into yours, it’s easier to speak. a pressure on your chest that fades away. ”i’ll try not to do it again,” you murmur, biting back a soft yawn. nuzzling into his neck. ”promise. don’t wanna worry you…”

satoru softens. 

(always so good to him.)

”it’s fine, honey. i understand.” he smiles, smoothing down your spine, counting the bumps of vertebra that slide along his palm. ”don’t worry that pretty little head of yours over me, alright?”

in return for his comfort, you wriggle away, lifting your head to give him a smile. one of your many smiles, each one fervently cherished by him; the one you’re wearing now is tired, a soft curl of your lips, the kind that makes him want to lull you to sleep. just the sight alone makes the anxiety in his veins feel like a worthy investment.

he doesn’t tell you anything that could cause that joy to diminish. doesn’t tell you that he can’t sleep without you, that he can barely breathe knowing you’re this stressed all time. doesn’t tell you that he jolted awake with a sinking feeling of dread, a gaping pit in his stomach when he didn’t immediately feel the warmth of your skin against his. doesn’t tell you that he always, always assumes the worst.

satoru doesn’t tell you these things. it’s a safety measure, an act of love. a bundle of unvoiced syllables, woven into white lies, silky and sweet. tailor-made to put your aching mind at ease. 

satoru thinks you deserve everything good.

it’s a theory, of sorts, a train of thought. a hypothesis made manifest. after many years of pondering, he’s arrived at the following conclusion; you are all that’s good. therefore, it only follows that you deserve everything that’s good, all of it and more. satoru believes you deserve every single thing your little heart desires — and he’s determined to give it to you.

so he’s been worried.

it’s not that he doesn’t trust you. he knows you’ll ace the exam, knows you’ll do your very best, knows you’ll make him proud. you always do. you aren’t the problem, no, never.

he just doesn’t trust your professor. 

that unfair, stuck-up, incompetent professor who’d fail his students just for being a couple minutes late, who curates his exams to be as convoluted as humanly possible. you and your friends are starting to suspect he just likes berating people for a living. satoru knows it all, he’s heard it all, of course he has. satoru pays attention to everything, when it comes to you. he knows all about your professor, the man who’s been making your studies pure hell for the past semester.

it makes his blood boil. steady, ruminating, hot and heavy in his veins. a rivulet of lava.

(it was only a matter of time.)

satoru is a teacher too; he knows that type. one that has no business being a teacher, in the first place, one no student deserves to be subjected to. he’s met more of them in his career than he could even begin to count. the thought of one of his own students being at the mercy of someone so incompetent makes his skin itch.

and the thought of you, seated on the couch, crying and sniffling when he comes home because none of the exam questions made enough sense for you to even try —

it makes satoru want to claw his skin off.

it makes that tiny, tiny cavern in his heart extend, widen, like a maw, swallowing up his liver and lungs and sense of morality. an emptiness begging to be filled. 

there’s only one way to satiate it.

so he plants a wet kiss on your forehead, ruffles your hair, tucks you into bed and waits until you fall asleep. deep and heavy, a slumber you won’t wake up from anytime soon. he presses his lips to your forehead one more time — for good measure.

then he grabs his coat and slips outside.

the moon is visible through the window.

a thin crescent, nailed next to the dim stars, leaking a dream-like fluorescent shine; illuminating the office, so quiet he can hear those erratic breaths spill out, one by one. a heavy, heavy silence, thick enough to spread like butter over toast. 

(ah, that’s right — he forgot to buy the butter you asked for this morning. no wonder he feels so out of sorts. he’ll have to grab it on his way back.)

”who… w — what are — ?”

satoru stays silent. lips pursed, eyes keen, burning into the back of the man in front of him. close, almost chest to back, enough to have him scowling in displeasure. 

just being in his presence makes satoru feel a little sick. 

he keeps the blade pressed right beneath his adam’s apple, a silver glimmer in an office painted blue and gray. not enough to sink into his skin, but enough to have his heartbeat hammering, enough that satoru can practically feel those rapid flutters of life. brushing against his gloved hand.

he gets straight to the point. voice muffled by the fabric covering his mouth, low enough that it’s barely even audible. he’s careful, about this kind of thing. there’s a delicacy to the ill intent, something he’d be a little enamored with if it weren’t for the compass stuffed into his ribs — the compass that tells him this is wrong.

he just can’t bring himself to care.

”the upcoming exam.” his voice sends a shiver down the man’s spine. satoru can feel it. ”don’t fail a single student.”

silence. pure silence, suffocating them, tangling itself into the air. satoru can practically taste it — fear, familiar, that pang of panic. a ticking time-bomb. the knife stays pressed against warm skin, pushing, sinking, just a little, a drop of red against his pale throat. 

it’s enough to get your professor to make a little noise, one that vaguely resembles a whine. like that of a small animal, rolling over on its belly, eager to play dead. no word is spoken in reply, but he nods, just barely, a nervous tremble of his head.

satoru hums, approving. ”good.” he doesn’t loosen his grip. ”there’s a particular student i’m worried about. marked them down in the catalogue... i’m counting on you.”

another noise. a grunt of affirmation, a silent plea — satoru allows that fear to seep into his own bones, just a little, just to get a taste of it. cold on his tongue. he wonders if this is what helplessness feels like.

then he takes a step back. slow, tentative, dragging the knife with him. not before parting his lips once more. ”don’t turn around,” he warns. ”i’ll be back if there are any complications. this’ll be our little secret, hm?”

the man in front of him doesn’t say a thing. frozen in fear, paralyzed, not moving an inch. a fly trapped in his web. it’s a relief.

before he exits the room, satoru puts the final nail in the coffin. just in case. ”i happen to know what school your daughter goes to.” he waits for a flinch, and it comes almost instantly. like clockwork. “remember that.”

it’s an empty threat. your professor doesn’t know that, though. he doesn’t know that satoru knows his daughter, that he walks past her preschool almost every morning on his way to work. that she waves to him whenever he passes by, and that he makes it a point to always wave back. a little troublemaker; the rowdiest of utahime’s preschoolers. she has a bubbly laugh, and just lost one of her milk teeth. she was giddy when she showed him, a bout of giggles spilling from her lips as he cooed and ruffled her hair. 

he wouldn’t lay a finger on her. 

but your professor doesn’t know that, hasn’t got a single clue, and satoru delights in the fear that must be running through his veins. down his spine, crawling into every narrow of his skeleton, making a home for itself that he’ll never quite be able to root out.

a gulp. satoru hears it, in the quiet of nightfall, just before he shuts the door behind him. good.

the rest of the evening is a blur. satoru gets home, relieved to find you still asleep, and tucks you into his chest. makes a mental reminder to order your favorite take out tomorrow; a little reward for your hard work.

finally, he can sleep easy. knowing you’ll get what you deserve. 

three weeks later, satoru places his hand on the familiar doorknob in front of him, dragging his weight behind him. blinking sluggishly. 

there’s a sinking feeling in his chest, weighing him down — like an anchor tied to his liver. a compass, tucked between his fourth and fifth rib, one that’ll always stay lodged right there. he’s learned to grow used to it, a natural consequence, a sign that his humanity is still intact. 

that doesn’t make it any less bothersome, though.

(ridding the world of a pest shouldn’t make him feel dirty. especially when he felt nothing but contempt for the pest in question, for the way he whistled as you walked by, the words he spewed before satoru met his eye. vile. putrid. why should he feel guilty for wiping a stain off the pavement?

it does make him feel dirty, though. a sinking feeling in his chest.)

there’s nothing to be done about it. satoru swallows the unpleasant taste on his tongue, and drags the door open, closing it behind him with a softness he reserves for you alone.

and there you are.

on the couch, farther away, already looking his way — lips instantly curling up into what he knows will be a smile. this time, it’s laced with excitement. one of his personal favorites. his gaze devours the joy in your features, the glimpse he gets of your teeth, that familiar crinkle of your eyes. 

you’re smiling. at him. you smile and his world wakes up, it’s dyed in different shades of blue, it’s brimming with life and love and something too good not to kill for. you smile and everything is right, good, worth it. you smile and it's as if the blood has been washed off his hands.

suddenly, all is well again. satoru exhales a blissful little breath.

“‘m home, honey,” he grins, a light pink dusting his cheeks, hanging his coat up before turning to face you. arms wide open. “did you miss me?”

his heartbeat stutters when you practically engulf him, all giddy giggles and that perfect smile, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. “mhm,” is what you chirp, pressing kisses down his collarbone, and he has to bite down on his lip to stop the shivers trailing down his spine. he tastes iron, but laps it up with a coo. sickly-sweet.

“missed you too, precious,” he purrs. “sorry i was gone for so long — had to take care of something.” 

he cups the back of your skull with his palm, large and crafted just to hold you, and marvels at how much you trust him. how you’re melting into his chest, fitting into every crevice of his heart. he wants to keep you there forever. forever and ever, always within reach, always close enough to touch. 

but he also wants you to be happy. he wants to see you run away, wherever the wind takes you, if only so he’ll get to feel you jump into his arms again, when you’ve had your fill of the world. when you come home to him, where you both belong.

satoru would never cage you in. never, never, never. he wants you to enjoy your life — confining you wouldn’t do any good, would only stifle that pretty smile he loves so dearly. he wants your world to be large, brimming with life, blooming with fervor, wants the air to be clear enough for your beautiful lungs. he couldn’t build a world for you, here, in this apartment. no matter how big or luxurious. 

so his only option is to bend the world into a kinder shape — twist and mold until it forms a path good enough for you to follow.

(it’s worth it, he knows, he’ll always know. it’s worth it to see that smile.)

“is that a new coat?” you ask, naive and innocent, and it breaks him out of his thoughts, attention wired to the lilt of your voice.

“yeah.” it’s stylish, expensive, a nice shade of black. he had to throw the last one away. this one’ll hide the stains better. “looks nice, right? i’ll get you the same one, pretty.”

“you don’t have to, toru!” you hurriedly exclaim, knowing he’ll jump at the opportunity to spoil you. “i like the one i have now!”

satoru pouts. a soft huff, right by your ear. “you don’t wanna wear matching coats?” he feigns sadness, scratching softly at your scalp, drinking up the little purrs that bubble up in your throat. 

and you giggle. you giggle and all he can think is worth it, worth it, worth it. a stained coat or two means nothing. the blood on his hands is just insurance. 

“well, when you put it like that…” you shift a little, curling your arms around his neck, breathing him in. he wonders if you can smell the cleaning detergent. “i guess i wouldn’t mind a new coat.”

and he grins. like clockwork. “right? want me to buy you new shoes while i’m at it? some jewelry?” he peppers kisses down your neck, amusement laced in his voice. “the whole store?”

again, those giggles. again and again. he laps them up like fine wine. “okay, that’s too much.”

“but you deserve it!” he whines, sickeningly sweet. sick to his stomach with love. “been working so hard, my angel.”

and, suddenly — you light up. his little firefly. brightening, inhaling a giddy breath. pulling away, a little, and he does his best to bite back the frown on his face. you’re practically beaming, sunshine personified, eyes glittering with giddy joy.

“right! i almost forgot!” 

then you’re skipping away, happily, to retrieve your phone. and he knows what you’re going to show him, but still feigns surprise when he sees the score on your exam, that perfect 100 on the screen. still makes an expression of shock that he knows will get you to laugh, still picks you up and spins you around and tells you how proud he is.

he almost, almost feels bad, seeing you smile so wide; at what you assume to be the fruits of your own labour. almost feels ashamed, knowing that perfect 100 wouldn’t exist without the knife at your professor’s throat.

but, then again, this is how it should be. those numbers are the fruits of your own labour, because satoru is a part of you. and you deserve it, deserve it more than anyone — he knows you would have gotten it, even without his help, if your professor was competent enough to see your brilliance. 

satoru smiles. he is proud of you. and this is exactly how it should be. he’s just bending the world into its rightful shape, cutting strings from a wrongly woven web, righting the wrongs of the people around you.

you, you, you. the only thing that exists.

all of him is for you.

”i knew you could do it. never doubted you for a second, baby,” he smiles, so wide his cheeks hurt, and you return it with a kiss to his jaw. 

”thank you. i’m just so relieved,” you exhale a breath, heavy, and it’s like he can practically see the stress melting, slipping from your shoulders and eyes. worth it, worth it, worth it. ”gosh. i’m gonna sleep like the dead tonight.”

”as you should,” satoru chirps, pinching your side. softly, brimming with fondness. ”but before that, we’re gonna celebrate. all day. and tomorrow too!”

another smile coaxed from your lips; this time, it’s a little bit shy. bashful, at the praise, his endless excitement. so precious he wants to kiss you breathless. give you all the air in his lungs.

so precious that he forgets about everything else. 

this is what you always do to him; wrap him up in a blanket of your love, cloud his veins with a nectar so sweet he takes the leap into your arms without a second thought. a foolish, lovesick butterfly, sticking to a single rose; dripping with honey, overflowing. the butterfly is too drunk on love to care. 

you’re his flower, his joy, the most useful form of anesthesia. with you in his veins, on his mind, your lips on his jaw — satoru can pretend that his hands are clean. that they always have been.

it all slips from his mind. your professor, the creep who catcalled you, that one classmate you’ve been complaining about recently. he forgets that they even exists, and satoru thinks that must be what love is: something that narrows your world down until you can make a home out of it. 

(something worth cherishing, no matter the cost.)

as always, it’s your voice that snaps him out of the trance he’s in. turning around at the sound of your call, the orpheus to your eurydice, too in love to save you from himself. you’re both getting ready to head out, dressing up for a well-deserved date. 

satoru feels himself smile. he does the dirty work, and you get to reap the rewards. heaven on earth.

“oh, by the way! would you want to have dinner with my parents tomorrow?” you meet his absent gaze with a tilt of your head. “they’ve been asking about you again. it’s such a headache, seriously.”

satoru giggles, barely containing how delighted he is. raising a playful brow. “oh? grumpy that you aren’t the favorite child anymore, hm?”

“okay, first of all —“ you stifle a giggle, pulling a drawer open, rummaging through it. freshly washed clothes. he washes most of your things. “you aren’t their child. and second of all —“

“— yet.”

a pause. 

satoru watches your gaze flick over to him, then back to the drawer, collecting yourself. a cute flush to your cheeks. “… whatever.” you clear your throat. “second of all — i don’t like how much they like you. what kinda spell did you put them under? it’s always satoru this, satoru that!”

a huff fills the air, and you mutter something that sounds a little like mocking, an obnoxiously imitated where’s satoru? that makes him chuckle into his fist. 

he shrugs. “i’m just a natural charmer, y’know? and, for the record; i would love to have dinner with them.” he sends you a wink, playful, and you roll your eyes. “are you joining us?”

a bout of laughter pushes past your lips, and satoru thinks he could die happy — just soaking up the joy that spills from out your throat. he wishes he could live in it, paint your house in it, wear it. he wants your joy to be all he ever feels. he feels sick at the idea of ever being out of earshot for it.

“yes, i’m joining you.” your scoff is dripping with humour. ”i’d hate to be the fourth wheel, but it is what it is.”

satoru stifles a grin. ”lucky me. three beauties all to myself,” he drawls, a seductive lilt to his voice, just to hear that little noise you always make with the back of your throat. vaguely disgusted.

”you’re so gross.”

a coo. like the buzzing of a bee. ”don’t be jealous, honey. know you’re my favorite, don’t you?” satoru smiles — more sincere than you’ll ever know. ”could never love anyone else.”

”so my parents are in second place?” you quirk a brow, amusement lacing your words, and he clicks his tongue. 

”well, they made you. i’d have to be a fool not to worship artists of such caliber.” 

”charmer.”

”yours.” the word is a knife at his throat, a stain on his coat, a love so heavy it’ll burn him alive. ”only yours.”

and again, you smile. all he can think is that you deserve everything, everything that’s good, everything he could ever give you. it’s all he can think as you go about your day, as he leads you outside, as he watches a flicker of joy dance within your iris. as he watches you walk wherever your heart takes you.

the thought remains when you return home, when you wrap yourselves in blankets and he throws a leg over your waist and you curl an arm around his ribcage. it’s all he can think. 

satoru was born to be of service — to someone, to the world, to something or another. he was born to carry a weight on his back. 

so why not bear the weight of your burdens?

all he wants is to protect you. all he’ll ever need is that smile on your face. he was always bound to be just this: a dog at your heels, a halo around your head, the watchful eye keeping you safe from everything rotten in this world. he’s the butterfly, the spider, the web itself. he’ll never let you be tangled up in it.

he was born to be of service to you. so service you he will, until it all comes back to bite him.

“satoruuu — stop stealing the blanket!”

he prays it never will.

[hyunverse]

omfg i’m going delusional again 😩 i want them all to whisper in my ear IMAGINE FELIX DEEP VOICE GAHHHHHH. smth about the way hyunjin talks and pronounce words makes me crazyyyyy. okay very specific but in ‘wow’ when he says “gonna get hotter” i actually die every time. ITS JUST SO SEXY IDK WHAT THE DEAL ISSS

thank u bae ur too sweet wtf ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️mwah ur my fave ever thank you sm. i’m just very stressed and overwhelmed w a lot of stuff yk ?? and then it builds up and you have nowhere to put it so it just sits <///3 i’ll be okay tho :)))

YESSS changbin edits are so 😩😩😩. i love my buffbin. yes u are very much the queen of sexy and i will not take no for an answer 😠

okay there’s so many variations of bf and one thing i love about skz is they all apply to them yk ?? we got fashion boy i.n, gamer boy felix, muscle boy changbin, art boy hyunjin, cat boy leeknow etc etc etc. like wow we rly got blessed w everything we could ever want ??? and this is why i’m delusional for all of them and swear i’m actually ot8

that’ll be so fun and relaxing !! is there anything specific that you guys do for ramadan that ur looking forward to ?? YAYYY ROYALTY AU FICCCC i’m so so so so so excited to read it. i just know it will be amazing :))

- 🐈‍⬛ NO YOU deserve all the love and even more 🫶🏻🫶🏻

if felix whispered to me to sleep i would be the happiest gyal ever. never ever complaining about life ever again. there's a reason why i listen to an hour loop of felix covering love me like that all the time LMAOO. and ure right!!! the way hyune pronounces things are so ☆__☆ scratches my brain!!! hear me out... the way he says yeah spider in venom. ALSO his line is question. the one where its like yeahhh to be or not to be. it's so sexy oh good lord.

ahh i get you, i really do. sometimes things are so overwhelming, they build up and you just don't know where to start. kind of like wires that are all tangled up. take your time, okay, lovelie? sit down, try to process everything. take it one at a time. i find that journalling helps me kind of break down my thoughts and calm down. perhaps you could try that? anyway, things are hard rn but i'm sure u can make it through!! you're so strong, i hope things settle down for you very soon <3

mmm thats why i love bf skz headcanons. they feed into my delusions Fr. art boy hyune who takes u to art museums <3333 takes his sweet sweet time talking about his favourite pieces. gets all shy when he realizes he's been rambling. and and consider this... bookworm bf seungmin. it suits him so well oh god. he'd gift u an annotated book for ur birthday and write notes like "this is sooo you" and "i just know ure giggling at this scene" GAAHHHH

hmm, ramadhan is basically a month full of forgiveness, where all of the gates to heaven are opened, and the gates to hell are closed. so what i like about ramadhan is this feeling of being close to God. culturally, i like the food stalls they'll open a few hours before we break our fast (we break it at about 7pm) on ramadan, there are more hawker stalls around!!! selling festive food!! so so yum. we also perform this prayer you call tarawih, a special prayer for ramadan. i love how lively the mosques are during tarawih, and i love how when you drop by a convenience store after tarawih time, you'll see many people inside, clad in their prayer clothes. all in all, i feel like ramadhan is the time where every muslim is closer to each other, feels so nice. woops this became a ramble but yeah i love ramadan!! right now, since i live in a dorm apartment, my housemates would wake me up at around 4am for suhoor. it's so fun lol. just eating our food in the living area, eyes still sleepy. funny and chaotic. love it <3

ure too sweet my gosh, thank u for looking forward to it <3333 have a good evening ahead milov <3 kith kith!

[little-caboose-on-big-adventures]

I just had a shower thought about dealing with thoughts, and made a new acronym for it. STFU. Gonna write it down here so I don’t lose it.

There are a lot of things to go through when you just feel wrong: eating, sleeping, drinking water, getting sunlight, etc.

But when you’re overwhelmed or anxious or your brain is just plain uncooperative, you need to tell it to STFU.

Stim- Sometimes an overactive mind just needs a release. A way to get it to stop either the process of over-compensating or over-complicating. Examples of stimulating activities that can curb or relax these processes include: Reading, Writing, Playing a game, or any other form of activity that gets your brain working on something new or different.

Task- At times you may feel like there’s just too much or too little to do, and feel hopeless. At times like this, it’s good to have very small, manageable tasks that’ll make you feel more productive or accomplished. These tiny tasks can be things like sharpening pencils or checking that pens have ink, organizing one square foot of space in your home, or just chucking the expired food from the fridge. Anything that’s small and easy to do can help you get out of a funk.

Fidget- When you’re feeling antsy or bored or just need to do something to preoccupy your hands, a fidget is often a good answer. Some good examples of fidgets for those unable to purchase them include: a good small rock (texture is up to you), rubber bands, pencil grippers, or any small, sturdy textured or malleable item

Ur self care- If you feel bad in your body or are concerned with your presentation, small acts of self care can help. Small acts of self care can include: washing your face, trimming your nails, or putting on a fresh set of clothes. By focusing on your body, instead of racing thoughts or anxieties, you’re grounding and helping yourself.

[hwajin]

if ur fine w/it, how would each of the members react to u squirting ?

𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠

genre: smut

pairing: skz x fem!reader

warnings: squirting, slight overstimulation

not my pics, credits to owner

ᴄʜᴀɴ

ok ok i see this man looking at the wet bedsheets underneath you, trying to process that you just did that, because of him. he suddenly is all blushy despite his cocky behavior before, and reassures you a million times when you start to apologize and blush yourself, out of embarrassment. he just kisses you all over and probably makes it his aim to make you squirt again this night.

ᴍɪɴʜᴏ

it was his aim all along to make you squirt so he'll be proud af and so damn happy, you wouldn't even have the time to be embarrassed at the way he'd smirk at you and continue to eat you out or finger you, the overstimulation making you squirm away and whine out in pleasure.

ᴄʜᴀɴɢʙɪɴ

he'd be a little lost ngl, BUT as soon as it hits him that it was him who was able to make you squirt it honestly depends. if he feels a lil dominant he just smirks this annoying smirk of his while biting his lip and asks if he can continue to see you squirt over and over again, but if he feels a lil subby he'd beg you to ride him, again, to see you squirt one more time.

ʜʏᴜɴᴊɪɴ

goes straight up feral if he sees it and would chuckle at you, his heart and dick squeezing at the blush that creeps up on your face. you'd start to stutter out apologies for ruining his bedsheet but he clashes his lips against yours and would mumble something like "that was so sexy, do it again" before slowly grinding his hips agains yours, making you shut your eyes close in overstimulation.

ᴊɪsᴜɴɢ

LOST PUPPY, would like- look a little scared (?) first and couldn't do anything more but laugh kind of awkwardly until, similar to changbin and chan, it hits him that your body reacted this intensly to no other but him. it's like a light switched in his brain and he's like "wait- b-because of me? because of how i fucked you?" and if you'd nod - laughing at him - he'd be all proud and grinning AND WOULD NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT FOR A STRAIGHT WEEK

ғᴇʟɪx

for some reason i think he'd ask if you're okay even though he knows that you probably are more than okay, but his intention would kinda be to not make you feel embarrassed? because he knows you might, but when you just nod and already get up to clean everything he hurries to lay you back down and would clean everythinh himself, rambling on about how damn hot it was and asking what exactly caused it to see you squirt a second time at some point.

sᴇᴜɴɢᴍɪɴ

i don't feel like he'd make too much of a deal out of it, like he would neither tease you about it or act on it or something? but inside he would be a teeny tiny bit proud and happy he could make you squirt and would make comments about it AFTER, like 2 months after when you'd have like a playful fight and you'd say something teasingly mean he'd be like "and you're saying this to the only guy who could make you squirt, tsk". those comments would be so random that he'd catch you off guard so much, and THAT would be what he'd tease you about.

ᴊᴇᴏɴɢɪɴ

lost puppy #2. for some reason i feek like he might think he hurt you?? which doesn't make sense because you're very clearly enjoying yourself but he just- he's never seen you do that before so he's like "are you okay??" with panicky eyes and it takes laughing and reassuring from you for him to understand that you're more than okay kfnwjf.

tagging: @etherealeeknow @linoskitty @some-weeb-chick @skchijeu @diue @es-kay-zee @urcracksisx @huntressfrost25 @jeyelleohe (unable to tag: @seochhj)

[freezethebeez]

Did you base the catalyst vampires off of other vampires in the media? Or, whats some catalyst universe specific vampire “quirks” or design choices? Lol sorry, got brain rot

the vampires in catalyst aren't really based off of any particular piece of media. they're sort of a strange amalgamation of every vampire au i've ever read, any tv shows or movies (aka twilight and first kill), plus my own little quirky details for the sake of plot.

any of the details i'm going to list below are catalyst specific according to me, but if anyone else has ever done them that's cool, i just didn't know.

vampires can go 2 years without drinking a drop of blood before they die of starvation, similar to how humans can go 2 weeks without food, just elongated to match a vampire's lifespan

most vampires feed once every month, which is less than twilight (i think) and most other vampire au's i've read, although i don't think many of them had specific hunger schedules. oh yeah it's also less than in the sims 4, if the vampire pack counts as vampire media lol

vampires aren't immortal. i gave them an age limit of 1000 because immortality is overrated anyway plus death is kinda nice sometimes. gives you a time limit. idk there was vsauce video about it that i watched once and haven't really stopped thinking about.

humans cannot be turned into vampires. if i were to implement that, though, the turning process would be drain all human blood, replace with a bit of vampire blood, yipee ur dead but also not, which just wasn't conventional and wouldn't be used in plot so i threw that whole concept out the window

vampires sleep during the day and wake up when the sun sets. i've read this in another vampire au, but am including it in this list anyway because twilight went "yeah vampires can chill during the day." however, if catalyst vampires could go out in the sun, i think all the sun would do is drain their energy and make them tired lol

for the first 40 years of a full vampire's life (20 for half-vamps), they can't fully see. i have another ask somewhere on here explaining how the process works, as well as other details.

fangs showing up only when needed isn't super original i don't think, but the whole warming of the skin when hungry thing is just a catalyst thing, i'm pretty sure.

also, like, vampires with eating disorders. i've never seen that anywhere else lol.

vampires being able to give birth (technically, minus all the issues that come with it) is also a catalyst thing i think??? idk i've only seen the first twilight movie so if vampire birth is in there.... whoops

vampires being entirely dead pretty much. no working organs, breathing isn't necessary, can't eat human food (unless the specific food holds essentially zero nutritional value), are also things i haven't seen in au's or media

vampires are just straight up a completely different species; they're not a subspecies of human. now, this would be a little weird for vampire-human... uh... breeding (i'm so sorry) but since vampires look so much like humans it's not really a big deal i guess

long story short i pretty much just went "what if we had humans and gave them fangs and a really long lifespan and then we gave one of them a shit ton of mental illness" and ran with that.

as for design choices, they're very similar to the typical vampire: pale skin, human-looking, fangs sometimes. eye colour doesn't really change if they're hungry, their pupils just get a little wider. skin tones can range from white as white can be to a dark grey, and eye colour can be anything, it just depends on the vampire and their genes, however the fuck genes work (i didn't take biology lol)

i've been meaning to write all this vampire lore out for a while, so i may be missing a few things in my list. catalyst (just like syzygy, another c!beeduo au of mine) was supposed to be a 2k one shot containing a silly little idea i had. instead, it bursted into this big, multi-chapter story, which isn't something i do often, so little things like specific details about the setting and all that other stuff aren't really thought out, because initially they really didn't need to be and i was too busy working out the plot to go back over and add those things. i'm a bit of a mess when it comes to writing longer pieces tbh.

now while catalyst may be my magnum opus, i am still– at my very core– just a silly little guy writing about minecraft men.

all the love and support has been insane, though, and i have appreciated it more than anything. it's the thing that keeps me going honestly. all the asks have helped me develop the world just a little bit more, and the insight i've been able to get, like how well my foreshadowing worked and how suspenseful i made each chapter, has helped tons as well.

the mere concept of people actively perceiving the things i put out onto the internet is crazy enough to me, so to have people thinking about my silly little fic and brainrotting about it makes me feel a little less silly (dw anon, i am also heavily brainrotting).

ty for the ask, and sorry for the essay of a response. the only vampire media i've consumed is twilight, first kill, and about 2 or 3 other fics, all from different fandoms (i'm not a big media consumer tbh), but i hope this suffices :]