#the fandom is a mess but not all of us want for their downfall

[thatonegeekygirl]

hey, you there! fellow watcherina!

reblog this if you love ryan, steven and shane, and their art. if you appreciate all the effort and care they've put into their creations over the years. if you are rooting for them. if you see them for the human beings they are. if you remain a fan, and will continue to support watcher!

[hg-aneh]

Yo, I don't know if you know this but your work is being posted on Pinterest

I sort of knew but never really cared about it until now-?

-lots of angry feed up whining below... and a bit of a breakdown-

Just a few hours ago I saw the comments on some of them and holy shit tiktok children are some of the most braindead individuals i have ever seen

I'm fine with reposts, and if I wasn't, I know I wouldn't be able to stop them

What's pissing me off rn is that my stuff is getting attention from *that* crowd, the booger eating snot nosed mocosos de mierda who are so privileged their main problems are "what's skrimblo skromblo doing now? omg is it problematic??? omg theyre like so evil 💀💀"

I- they're still fucking going with the Crowriel thing- How cool, how fun, totally not making me want to disappear again bc of all the trauma from that particular mess, nope, not at all

And the angel crowley x demon crowley thing- i swear to fucking god i- they're so dumb- they're so stupid- how is it incest you- they're the same person🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉

I even saw some little shit saying "omg i used to like that artist until i found out they draw nsfw" ... WHAT IS HAPPENIGNJDNGKDBG??????¿?¿¿????¿

I swear I'm going insane, I wish I could take my shit away from those people, they're so-??????

Like I'm legit about to enter another joker era, I can't believe this is what fandom spaces are now, what is wrong with people

Sorry I'm using this as a vent post or whatever but honestly I'm tired of being subservient when it comes to these fucking people, at one point a bitch has gotta explode

"Why do you care so much about what ppl say abt you online"

Because I have Seen what happens when you shut up about it. You either address it indirectly or become tiktoklovr103892's punching bag, there's no in between. Each second of silence is an admission of guilt for these motherfuckers

And I know that at the end of the day it doesn't matter but bro just allow me to be emotional over having an online space where I can have fun and take a break from life, be riddled with people who I've seen talking like they're praying for my downfall

Seriously what the fuck

What. the fuck.

.

Now if you'll excuse me

[thedeviljudges]

Hi Noel. We used to be mutuales back in the good old days. I hope you are taking care of yourself.

I am having a fucking horrible time. I am devastated. Even though I moved on from fandom so long ago, I always cared about Liam and I always will.

I think one of the least surprising things for me and I guess for you as well is the reaction so many people are having. They act as if their hatred for him is new and based on recent events but we know that shit runs deep and is old. I’m not even surprised by their hypocrisy because they are all about holding people accountable for their mistakes as they weren’t the biggest fucking bullies to him every single day since day one, why aren’t they holding themselves accountable for being fucking horrible people and being part of the problem? Many of us would defend him and point all of this out too and we knew back then how much he was hated on for literally existing within the band. He couldn’t post selfies because they would accuse him wanting attention and he would get bullied. He couldn’t tweet any simple and insignificant thing because they would hate on him. They were constantly body shaming him. They hated when he would show off his talent in concerts. He literally couldn’t have a fucking break because his existence alone was enough to fueled their hatred towards him. The way they had a fucking field day bullying him and body shaming him when they filmed you & I video. It was constant. It doesn’t matter and it didn’t matter what he did because they simply just hated him and would let him know. Not only were they a huge component of the system that messed him up over the years, not only did they bullied him back then, but now too even in the wake of his death. I never understood it back then and I don’t understand it now, how they could do all of that and continue to do so while demanding accountability and who knows what else as if they are deserving of anything from him or his loved ones when they were fucking horrible to people since the very first day of 1D.

Anyway, to anyone who is hurting and is grieving him, do so, and do so without holding back, do so because no one has the right to police your feelings, and fuck anyone who makes you feel bad for grieving Liam.

hi, babe. i hope you've been well all this time. 🥺

tbh it's hard to add anything because i agree completely. liam was always the one that went through the worst comments (aside from the racism zayn faced) and treatment within the band. people were always so cruel to him for no reason. and no matter what he did, the fandom always found fault with it. it makes me especially sick to see how twitter was relentless with their bullying the week before all of this happened. it was nonstop and then now to see them all pivot and upset... hypocrites.

and all i keep thinking about is how unfair it was because if any of the boys did what he did (and have done), everyone's been so forgiving. but not for liam.

liam loved one direction with his whole heart. he kept the band alive during their activities and long after by mere mention and discussion and knew how special it was for fans and himself. he was the reason i got into one direction, which i think is why it's also hitting me so hard. he's the first video i saw walking the streets of the us in 2012, who stopped for a few fans. he was so kind and loving, and it's incredible how many people in the industry have commented how lovely he truly was.

i feel a lot of things still, so it's really difficult to put it all into words in a single post. but liam was so talented and the fact that fandom never recognized the brilliance of it will forever hang over one direction now.

i truly hope people take this as a lesson to be kind; everyone preaches about it so much - and you're right. they want accountability but can't even recognize that their own actions warrant accountability, too. the callousness that has infected the internet and fandoms will truly be its downfall. there are so many of us who talk about how it's not the same, and it will never be the same again if we don't start having compassion and love even in the face of difficulty and misconduct.

[buddiebeginz]

Fandom I'm begging you all to wait and see how the season plays out. Everything right now seems to be pointing towards Buddie and sure I could be wrong but I also think it would be the shows downfall if they didn't make Buddie happen this season and I think Tim and abc know that.

This isn't just about catering to fandom whims this is that since right before s7 they've done so much to put focus on Buddie way more than with any season before. Deliberate choices have been made that if they're not leading to Buddie can't not be seen as queerbaiting. And yes a show with queer characters can still queerbait if they're using a popular queer ship to garner attention and views. Though I don't think that's what's happening here.

The only reason I think more didn't happen with Buddie last season is because the season was short and they got renewed for s8 early. You can tell if you watch from eps 1-6 that they were leading somewhere with Buddie (they had them singing a karaoke love song ffs) but changed gears after getting renewed for s8. At the same time Tim still didn't put more development or focus on b/t so it's not that Buddie happening was shelved (as in it's never happening) it was just paused.

Also I see people spiraling about that pic Ryan posted assuming because he's in a robe and because he put "Don Diaz" on it that it's a reference to Don Juan and this means Eddie is going to be hooking up with a bunch of women. I just don't see that happening. Ryan could have easily just been making a joke or trying to mess with fandom or it could mean nothing. It could be a Godfather reference. Or it could be something like Eddie tries to hook up with a random girl and he just can't do it and then that leads to him talking to the priest. Unfortunately we aren't going to know what that pic really means until the episode airs.

I know we've all been burned by the show (and other shows) before and I get being nervous about what could happen this season. But remember that Buck was supposed to come out in s4 (this has been confirmed by Oliver) and Eddie in s5 (this has been confirmed by the the insider) and presumably that's when Buddie would have happened. Buddie has been in the works for years. The main thing stopping it before was Fox and last season it was just too short to have Buck to come out, Eddie come out, and then Buddie to happen. 10 eps was just not enough time to tell such huge important stories for the show and these characters.

I know Tim and others behind the scenes of the show have made decisions we haven't always loved and maybe it's naive of me to still have trust in them after all this time but it's not just that. I see the signs. If I had seen more effort being put into b/t last season and into promoting them as a couple and especially if I saw that happening this season I'd be a lot more skeptical about the likelihood of Buddie ever happening. But I haven't seen any of that.

This season Tim has talked about how b/t are still together but he doesn't talk about the ship like it's this important thing, he talks about it like T*mmy is just like any other person Buck has dated. Meanwhile Eddie is ALWAYS mentioned when b/t are talked about including by Tim. Networks and showrunners know how to handle these kinds of things. If they wanted to minimize the attention Buddie gets they would have done so. We know this because that's exactly what they did in past seasons while they were with Fox, particularly after Tim left. Instead though since last season they've actually been putting more attention on Buddie, Ryan, and Oliver.

Like I said I get being nervous that something we've all hoped for for a long time might not happen. I know that Buddie and Eddie coming out means more to a lot of us than just some fictional characters and a ship. I know a lot of us see ourselves in them and we also see how important and groundbreaking in a way it will be when they finally go canon. I get why the anxiety around this season is heightened probably more so than any other season before it. We've never been as close to Buddie happening as we are now and that's so exciting but also scary.

But this is why I think we need to take every bts and spoiler etc that we get from the show and people involved in it (including the journalists who review it) with a grain of salt. We just aren't going to know what each episode is about until we watch them. Even when the season starts we need to remember to let the story play out. We might see things we won't like with b/t or Eddie in 801 but there will still be 17 more eps to get through where anything could happen.

We are so lucky that 911 is still on the air with most of the original cast still there and not looking to leave. That all the people that matter Tim, Oliver, and Ryan have all spoken out in support of Buddie happening. I've shipped non canon ships before that just were never going to happen, where showrunners and actors literally made fun of the fans for even shipping it. That's not what's happening with 911. Buddie now is being treated like a legitimate possibility we just have to be patient.

[utilitycaster]

Wow your Orym tags really are an eye-opener. You are totally right and now I understand the bitterness about this character a little better. I've seen a lot of "...but C3 is supposed to be this and that" takes and I guess a lot of people think they are owed a certain storyline?

Yeah. People feeling as though they're owed a certain storyline is not new nor exclusive to Critical Role; it's been pretty common in fandom for years (see this excellent post that I still think about). But the particular blame being placed on Orym is a fun new twist on this theme.

I'm sure there's people who hate Orym for other reasons; shipping wank is another very common form of entitlement to a particular storyline. I must admit when it comes to Twitter I think some people just yell random lies out into the void to hear their own voice because there is no underlying logic to any of it. But I do think a large number of people who have been blaming Orym for everything for what is now the majority of the campaign are doing so because he has consistetly refused to entertain the idea that Ludinus makes any valid points from the start, and the narrative has pretty much only rewarded him for that.

A lot of people really thought that Campaign 3 "all bets are off" didn't mean like, messing with the narrative structure (they hate when that happens by the way. they acted like Downfall and the Solstice Split and the fact that this has been a very plot-driven campaign rather than one about character backstory are all fucking violations of the Geneva convention the way they carried on, and I say this as a person who can complain) but rather that Critical Role, a D&D-based fantasy, would shed those pesky two previous campaigns of canon (unless of course earlier canon helps them make a point. I truly cannot believe someone made like 5 alts and harassed me and all my mutuals for an entire evening over hypocrisy for...liking one ship more than another when these idiots exist) in order to become some kind of deeply pathetic "French Revolution Except Instead Of Kings It's Gods" historical re-enactment.

We're at the point where like, nothing has validated them and everything they've claimed the gods have done, Ludinus or the Weave Mind have done like, tenfold. As mentioned, the people who were like "oh my god STOP SAYING HUBRIS anyway obviously Bells Hells would NEVER see the gods as relatable" just watched Laudna and Imogen be like "wow, they're flawed and conflicted and a fucked up family just like us." I shit you not, I saw someone criticize FCG's relationship with the Changebringer because "he had to work for it" as if that's not like...how literally all relationships work if you're not an utter black hole of entitled self-absorption. The Kreviris Imperium wants to straight up colonize all of Exandria but they turn a blind eye. There's someone out there talking about putting Rashinna's head on a pike for being willing to endanger the poor Ruidusborn children that...Liliana (probably to some extent coerced by Ludinus to be fair) could have left alone to live out their lives on Exandria. People genuinely channel some anti-abortion "but What About The Disabled Children? Shouldn't Pregnant People Be Forced To Carry And Parent Them" style arguments at Alma's "hey, we have people delay birth for like half an hour so their children don't have The Psychic Migraine Disorder That Made Imogen Possibly Suicidal". The arguments have devolved into "well, canon isn't real" and "but the status quo" as if there aren't ALIENS FROM SPACE SPEAKING AT THE DRAGON VATICAN. How STUPID do you have to be to think that wouldn't change the entire world. Or, to get back to this ask, how desperate are you to maintain the illusion that you are going to get a wish-fulfillment campaign that never once existed? So yeah. They blame Orym because otherwise they have to blame literally the entire cast, and themselves.

[leonenjoyer69]

Both your OCs occupy space in my mind lol I love both Harry and Elias. Would you mind giving some more rambles please and thank you? About either one. I just love learning more about them.

VJEKBKDKF TYSM, I'M GLAD YOU LIKE THEM :D it makes me very happy to know that people enjoy my ramblings and art of my lil fellas :3 (also, all you sweet anons are gonna be the death of me with your mysterious identities!)

(SUB NOTE: if anyone ever has any ideas at all or art requests or something for either of my sillies PLEASE don't hesitate to bring them up I would literally love hearing any suggestion or answering any question ever)

Anyways!!! I've actually been waiting to drop a bunch of stuff on these fellas that I've been talking about with some folks on Discord (which y'all can also ask for if you wanna talk to me on there I LOVE TALKING TO YOU GUYS), so thank you for granting me the perfect opportunity >:3 so, without further ado, I shall begin:

First of all, i just wanted to drop my height HCs bc,,,, why not lmao

I can't exactly visualize heights very well in my mind so these may be a wee bit too tall, idk, but yeah! I think giving Hyde an extra half inch would be funny bc you KNOW that mf would just round up lmao. Elias is a bit taller than Hyde, which Hyde kinda hates sometimes, itty bitty fella.

Anyways!! Harry is first up for rambling bc I have less for him rn lmao. I don't remember if ive mentioned it much before on here, but I know I included it in the fic i did for him, and that's his Scottish accent :3 we as a fandom don't write Jekyll's accent enough so I like projecting it onto injured Hyde and now Harry 😌 MORE SCOTTISH JEKYLL PLEASE-

Harry didn't really have to worry about keeping face in the mindscape (except for when around Mind Lanyon, who would pester tf out of him over it) so he fell back to at LEAST having an accent. He partially fell back on it because 1, it made him feel a wee more comfortable, and 2, because of how often he revisited memories from university (specifically during his and Lanyon relationship ofc), so he's used to hearing himself speaking with at least a drawl.

But yeah, that accent kinda sticks with him when he gains control and he has quite a hard time shaking it, which makes for some fun interactions, like when Lanyon's trying to break down his office door :3333

I believe I've mentioned this, but Harry is very very sensitive to most physical sensations (touch, pain, etc.) and has some light and sound sensitivities for a decent bit after gaining control. Because of how long he spent in the mindscape with numbed senses, It really messed with him to suddenly have control again. Eventually he starts getting used to it again, but for the first few days he's practically on the edge of a mental breakdown at every moment. He's also super jumpy from it (and from the ungodly paranoia he got from the mindscape lmao) and is quite firmly "no touch" for about a week (except for when he initiates stuff with Lanyon). Once he gets used to it tho his touch starved ass is a lot more affectionate and such.

One last thing for him! He's also far more sensitive to hunger and thirst sensations/pain, so he tends to take far better care of their body while in control. It took him a short while to get used to eating and drinking again, but he's more than happy to do it, not realizing how much he had missed it. Plus, he's seen how horrible Jekyll and Hyde would take care of themselves, so he certainly doesn't want their neglect to be his downfall. He's also a bit more sensitive to being tired, but can't sleep very well (especially without Lanyon) because of paranoia and nightmares.

OKAY, NOW, onto Elias!! Most all this stuff is from a discord convo that I didn't feel like rewording, so... Sorry if the formatings weird 💀 (questions are indented and italicized, as well as abbreviated)

OKAY SO, For how Henry (or whoever) convinces Elias to switch back:

Elias usually throws some sort of fit when he's initially order to switch back (except for the very rare instances where he's actively wanting to switch back, like when everyone's busy and he starts getting lonely anyways), though most the time he'll simmer down when Henry starts sorta begging or when either Henry or Lanyon (or very occasionally Hyde) lowkey bribe him. Usually Henry (or Hyde) will bribe him with physical touch/affection (hugs, cuddling, kisses, stuff like that), or bonding time, like going out and doing things together and such (or just doing stuff together at the society, like watching Henry do science or doing paperwork 💀). (Also, sometimes Jekyll will just get somewhat impatient and start asking more desperately and the guilt kinda gets to Elias, Henry usually feels bad about it tho) otherwise, Lanyon will bribe him (quite grudgingly, might I add) with more time out, going to the park with Elias in shadow form and talking, or letting him get a gift for Jekyll or Hyde. But yeah, Elias is lowkey like a little affectionate, overactive puppy :3

[...] I misread "letting him get a gift for Jekyll or Hyde" as "letting him get a gift FROM Jekyll or Hyde" and swore for a moment that sometimes Jekyll/Hyde sent gifts to Elias but Lanyon stole them [... ]

LANYON WOULD TOTALLY STEAL ELIAS'S STUFF TO USE AS BARGAINING LEVERAGE 💀 but yes, bribery is the go to, this guy does NOT like being locked away, so when he does it's either out of guilt or he's getting something out of it, hehe

[...] Imagine that since Lanyon is probably taller than elias, he just hides some lf his stuff on higher places so that he cannot reach them, I feel like Elias would annoy the hell out of him so that he stops doing it though (Lanyon puts them back where they where, and when Elias isn't there, he just hides them again) also, I just imagined Jekyll like guilt tripping or manipulating him so that he drinks the potion

Oh he absolutely would, Lanyon would have a whole "confiscated" shelf for it too, and Elias would definitely whine about it with sooo much persistence. AND JFKGKKF YEAH JEKYLL WOULD 😭😭 both out of selfishness and not, since he still hasn't tested how the formula behaves when an alter ego is out for prolonged amounts of time, and sometimes he just wants Robert back.

Jekyll likes Elias, he just has more of a preference for Lanyon. Jekylls probably also got a bit less patience for Elias's whining after dealing with Hyde's for so long lmao, he always feels kinda bad about being mean or anything to Elias tho, since it's kinda his fault that Lanyon split.

Would Lanyon ever like bother Elias with the fact that Jekyll likes him better?? Like maybe, at one point he just gets too tired of him wanting to hang out with Jekyll and says to him that Jekyll just deals with him out of pity, and like Elias then just feeling kinda bad about it and wondering if Jekyll actually likes him??

If Lanyon's feeling especially spiteful and annoyed, probably, but also Elias worries about that enough on his own and bothers Lanyon with all his self deprecating thoughts anyways 💀

How does Hyde feel about Elias?

He's generally guilt free about the whole "splitting Lanyon" thing and /gen likes Elias way more than he likes Lanyon lmao. He still gets that sorta bitter anger and resentment when he looks at Lanyon, but he doesn't get that with Elias. Hyde kinda thinks that Elias is all the best parts of Lanyon (Except for Elias's emotional sensitivity sometimes, but Hyde deals. He feels surprisingly bad when he upsets Elias..) But yeah, Elias is most of the reason why Hyde is complacent enough to actually kinda lay low after messing up Blackfog and stuff, so Jekyll certainly likes Elias for keeping Hyde somewhat in check lmao

And that's everything I have for this!!! Thank you so much for the ask :D

[starryjkoo]

https://www.tumblr.com/starryjkoo/769233955285352448/tkkrs-and-kths-really-going-to-bully-away-one-of?source=share

Taekookers are the downfall of this Fandom lol. and given how they have given feee pass and a big space to tkkrs in the fandom despite knowing how most of them are jimin antis I'd say armys deserve that humiliation. But idt they even care since they do agree with what taekookers say most of the times because otherwise tkkrs wouldn't be getting 10k likes calling jimin abuser would they?

There was a time i used to feel bad/upset/angry that everyone calls armys toxic but it's been long i have accepted that yes it indeed is a toxic Fandom. What's good of this Fandom who lets everyone shit on one member and even hide/defend the people who does so?

Saw them saying that jm solos is because of whom jm gets the most hate as if he deserves getting dea/th threats because of his solos like they're totally justifying the threats and hate he gets so by their logic armys are the reason BTS are getting shitted on with 100k likes tweets every other day it seems? Well should i say deserved then?

I’ll almost always take ARMYs side over general kpop stans because I believe most kpop stans (not the normal ones minding their business) are bitter, hypocritical losers who are always looking for an excuse to hate on and discredit other idols (especially BTS) BUT -

Yeah, I’m never going to fully get over my resentment towards ARMYs for enabling tkkrs and allowing them to grow such massive platforms and have such presence in the fandom. Sometimes I look at how toxic things are and just think, deserved. And I agree, tkkrs are the main reason for the deterioration and division. There are other factors at play, but tkkrs sit at the center imho. And because I’m petty, I’ll admit that I have enjoyed the few times ARMYS were humiliated because tkkrs and their psychotic behavior were put on the jumbotron (like the post-Paris walk tkkr incident).

Anyways, yeah the Tetris situation is particularly upsetting because he didn’t do anything wrong and yet he’s getting mass harassed (literal threats and slurs, hundreds of ppl doing this) and you can tell how genuinely upset he is. And you don’t see a single big or even medium sized ARMY account in the quotes trying to shut that down or sincerely apologize to him (also no hit tweets about how nasty and vile KTHs & tkkrs are…). Maybe things have changed since I last went online (I hope so), but I was only seeing jkkrs, PJMs and some JM-biased in the quotes and comments. And I agree, I think one of the main reasons is because half of this fandom are tkkrs who agree with him getting harassed ngl, or they already dislike him because they think he’s too JM biased and resent him for it. It’s so messed up.

I want to say that it’s easy to miss these things sometimes so I understand why more ARMYs aren’t talking about it, but nah this time I’m genuinely perplexed. I’ve seen ARMYs bring attention to much lesser issues and this is actually pretty horrifying and could have lasting consequences for the group - so why aren’t they all over this trying to clean it up? Weird as hell and inexcusable to me. If he stops reporting on BTS it would be absolutely deserved.

Mind you, he was the one who wrote the article ARMYs were hyping up a few weeks back where he mentioned BTS paving the way. I bet he also advocated for them being included that high up on that list to begin with (greatest pop stars of the 21st century iirc). They don’t like him because he’s visibly JM biased and because he doesn’t fully understand all the insane fandom rules and nuances, but Tetris has actually been a source of such positivity for the whole group and a rare ally in western media. But they’ll throw all of that away because they think he’s too biased (& bc apparently he’s a “jkkr” because his two favorite members happen to be jkk, the two literal most popular members where he's from).

And on your last point, yeah 100%! The cognitive dissonance with some ARMYs and their logic sometimes? The way that literally the same day they were in the quotes fighting for their lives against the kpop stans who were blaming the harassment BTS receives on ARMYs, ARMYs were trying to blame the harassment Jimin receives on PJMs? Like, so which one is it? Don't they see the flaws in their own logic, because they're basically giving the greenlight to hate on BTS then. Even today that same gang of TH biased tkkrs I’ve complained about on here before were blaming Tetris for the hate Jimin was receiving instead of their buddies, tkkrs and KTHs. The hypocrisy of a lot of this fandom is realllllllllly frustrating sometimes.

TBF I have seen ARMYs call this kind of thinking out several times, once even in defense of Jimin, but obviously it’s an opinion that’s still pretty prevalent in the fandom and it’s frustrating and massively hypocritical.

Anyways, sorry for yapping so much. Maybe one day I’ll answer an ask without writing a whole essay 🥴 But today really bothered me, and I feel bad for Tetris. And my usual disclaimer, ofc I know it’s not all ARMYs and there’s plenty of normal ARMYs who love and support Jimin too. But yeah some days I really feel like this fandom is seriously cooked and they mostly have themselves to blame for it.

[0perfectimperfections0]

Hi, hi. I recently joined the ugly dolls fandom. And I wanted to ask you the story of how Louis and Vage cook together in the kitchen? It's just that you have a lot of long stories that are hard to find^^"

Hello! I've been absent for a bit, sorry 😅I've been fleshing out the plot of what might either be added onto Shell-shock or become a part of my sequel.

Wage does more of the cooking than Lou does, honestly (he sucks at cooking, to a certain extent) but the reason he started working for Wage was because it was supposed to be a mix of a punishment but reintegration back into their society.

Obviously Lou has been cleaning the mess of the Uglies and the wayward Pretties since his downfall, Ox felt bad, but didn't have a better option that didn't lead to an outright riot from the Pretties for blatantly giving Lou another chance.

In a joking manner, Moxy is the one to suggest that Wage could always use some help cleaning dishes. He'd still be cleaning and, ergo, "slaving away as punishment" but he wouldn't necessarily be wandering around Imperfection like a hobo and be completely isolated from society.

And no, Wage was not happy with it at all. Really the only reason she agreed to it was because 1) Ox told her to and 2) it meant she could boss Lou around all she wanted. And Wage was certainly not going to pass up an opportunity to make Lou her personal butler.

I can always write a short story on some of the moments Wage and Lou have or like the beginnings of their friendship if you want. Your question kind of sounded like a "hey, can you give me a summary of what happened?" So, I apologize in advance if you were initially hoping for a short story.

[shen-daozhang]

ooh i saw your tags in the post about ppl hating female characters for the same things they love about male characters, and i thought about sqt vs jgy, so i wonder what you think about both of them! (if you feel like answering! it's not like a 1:1 comparison)

*vibrating* Yea I like those characters a normal amount why do you ask!! (Also I had a super busy week at work and I kept thinking about this ask and monologuing about it in my head, so thank you for the enrichment in my enclosure)

(very messy thoughts incoming!)

Ngl, I never considered how they are similar until this ask, and there are a lot of ways that they are! A background that includes abuse, being seen as less-than for the circumstances of their birth (SQT as a Butterfly Boned Beauty Feast, JGY as an illegitimate son of a sex worker), both gravitate towards powerful men to protect themselves, both are navigating the confines of society trying to move upwards, again, in order to protect themselves. Also both use torture (or at least the 0.5 timeline SQT does)! So that's a fun little similarity.

Now, a big difference is there is the element of revenge in JGY's actions on top of the base need to survive (and a desire to thrive in a world that looks down on you), and I think considering his intelligence he would have gotten away with his plans if not for the completely buckwild re-introduction of WWX back into the plot after his death. I personally think SQT is just focused on survival, and even when she is cruel to Chu Wanning in the 0.5 timeline, I believe she does so because considering TXJ's own treatment of CWN she thinks that is want he wants, and doing so will improve her standing with him (which, sidebar, I am always floored by people who hate on SQT for hurting CWN while they woobify TXJ). Her accusation of Ye Wangxi is only done in an attempt to survive, and I think should be viewed in the lens of the danger that Mo Ran's planted evidence places her in - she's a known Beauty Feast and you know in the world of Erha the second she is out from the protection of Nangong Si her life is likely literally over.

SQT is also just not as smart as JGY, which isn't a slight towards her, JGY is obviously brilliant on many fronts. But I think there is an element of SQT batting above her level, and that leads to her downfall in both timelines. Another glaring similarity is the fandom reaction to them and their actions being a smidge... shall I kick the hornets nest and say hypocritical especially when compared to the actions of the main character? Or other characters in the story who get woobified? (I will also throw Ye Bingchang from Till the End of the Moon into this category). At the end of the day, they are people who are just trying to survive in a deeply messed up world in the only way they know how. Now! Are they both innocent of any wrong-doing because of this? Of course not! That's what makes them interesting and why I gravitate towards these types of characters. The TL;DR: of this is essentially, "people doing fucked up stuff to survive in a world where you have to do fucked up things to survive? It's more likely than you think!"

I will say the fandom's feelings towards JGY has chilled a bit lately, but people were nasty towards him back in the day. Unfortunately, people still are towards SQT and I don't see that changing. I actually ended up including her in my 0.5 fic because I was tired of seeing fics that she either didn't appear at all OR was killed off in a way that was obviously done with malice on behalf of the author. Now she uh doesn't meet a happy end in either of my fics where she features but she's actually a character I really enjoyed writing, and I hope I did it with some sense of sympathy.

There was more I wanted to say but this is already long so I shall post this before it withers further in my drafts! <3

Also gonna link my own fics in case anyone is curious since I mentioned them. SQT appears as a character in this one here - my take on "hanahaki but worse" which has a sad ending - and her death is an inciting incident in this one, an AU where Chu Wanning is the one who got the flower and has become a zealot trying to cleanse the cultivation world (a WIP but I will finish it!).

[brilla-brilla-estrellita]

Crafting Wings

I finally remembered today that tumblr is a blog, and that in addition to whatever fandom nonsense I reblog, I can also post bloggy things on it. Obvious, right?

I am making a set of dragon wings for an event coming up in mid-June. They are of course inspired by Simon Snow and will be red dragon wings (though the pattern I bought from them is technically for a wyvern). I'm hoping that posting progress updates here will help me stick to it and actually get it done in time. I'm breaking it down into teeny tiny easy peasy steps and only looking at the very next step to try to keep the overwhelm and executive dysfunction at bay. This is likely to lead me down a path of "If I'd thought about it earlier, I could have..." But you know what? I always end up there anyway.

So first, I spent a long long long long long (long long long...) time trying to decide how to make these wings. I really wanted articulated wings, bonus if I could move them without obviously pushing or pulling or something. But looking at how people had made that happen was overwhelming. They require so much time and skill and I am prone to procrastination and crying and quitting when I mess up. I finally settled on this DIY Mechanical Wing kit by Chimera Wings. That would give me the frame for the wings, but they also have a sewing pattern (with printed AND video instructions) to make the covers for them!

This is what the contents of the kit looked like when I got it:

And this is the completed build! I almost didn't post this because I don't like the way I look, but you know what? Fuck that. I built something cool (using very simple, easy-to-follow instructions, sure) and I don't want to have to find a better fancier more flattering way to film that, so. I'm getting over it.

You can tell that I kinda struggle with the wing on my right side. I clearly need to stretch my arms out before wearing these. Truly. I tried it after I stretched and it's no big deal. Or maybe I'll add some sort of pulley after all. (HAH. Like I'll have time for that.)

Otherwise, the kit and wings are fantastic. It was so easy to put together and they feel very cool to wear. I should probably go write them a review...

I didn't actually takes pics of the next step, but I printed out the pattern on regular 8.5x11 paper and taped it together. It... was not very well done, but I'm hoping I got it close enough to not have messed up the pattern dimensions. After taping and then cutting out the completed pattern, I could move on to working with actual fabric!

I'm making a mock-up out of old sheets first because I have never once done any sewing project successfully the first time. I decided to mock-up only one wing instead of both, so this will surely be my downfall when I move onto the real deal.

The next two pictures are the front and back pieces for a single wing. I decided to cut them separately instead of at the same time by folding the fabric in half because every time I do more than one layer at a time, at least one of the layers comes out real fucked up. I blame being a lefty in a right-handed world. Scissors are of the devil.

The next step was to make buttonholes that are actually strap holes. I have a little baby basic machine, and it has some limitations. I discovered one of these limitations during my buttonhole test runs. As you can see, the machine-provided "buttonhole" stitches are just... lacking. I messed with a screw that controls the length of these stitches, but for some reason it can only be used to balance out the stitch lengths, not make them overall longer or shorter. I have no control for generally change stitch length. I only have the options presented to me on my stitch chooser knob. Alas, I have less than optimal buttonholes.

Pictured above: (Left) One very sad buttonhole test. (Right) A second buttonhole test in which one side is almost respectable and the other should be ashamed to call itself a buttonhole stitch.

Finally, I gave up and balanced the stitch lengths and just went with it. When I do the real deal, I will likely go use my friend's much fancier machine. For the mock-up, this is sufficient. The next three pictures show, with increasing zoom and blurriness, the completed buttonholes.

I am intentionally using very bright, contrasting thread so that when I inevitably fuck up, I can hopefully see the point of fuck up more clearly so as to rectify it on my next attempt.

And that brings us up to speed! Next Step: Pin the pieces together. That's it. That's the whole step. How many days will it take to overcome executive dysfunction and do it? Only time will tell.

As long as I can remember to update regularly, future posts should be quite short.

[pedropascalunofficial]

STORY TIME - THE FANDOM STAIN

My response to THIS post from stainsofpascal/thesweetestdecline earlier today

@thesweetestdecline

I am going to number these since you’re going to get tired.

1.      FAKE IG ACCOUNT

You said I made a fake account in your name on IG? No. That fake stainsofpascal account isn't me. I'm in Ireland. We don't have Threads in Europe. And a VPN can't get around that. Please check your receipts before wasting all of our time with this bullshit narrative you're trying to deflect with.

2.   LONG POSTS

You complained that my posts are long. That's because your bullshit is prolific. I don’t mess around. I like to give detailed accounts of what’s happening with receipts to back it up so ppl can clearly see what's going on in the fandom they're now ashamed to be part of. It's also to prevent ppl like you from deflecting by saying your accusers are "crazy" or "obsessed" with you. The receipts don't lie even though you’d like ppl to believe they do.

3.   “BOT ATTACK” ON IG

You accused me of attacking you on IG? No. I haven’t done shit on IG. I haven’t attacked your stainsofpascal or thesweetestdecline accounts. You realise I’m just the loudest of many, many ppl who wonder why you're in the fandom?! Getting you suspended would only feed your need to be seen as an underdog. I’d rather watch all this play out as ppl wake up to your clout chasing. It's not me or my friends who will be your downfall. You'll manage that just fine by continuing your bullshit.

4.  FOLLOWER COUNT ANOMALIES

You’re gas. Always playing the victim to deflect from your own misdeeds. Are you ever going to explain any of the unusual increases in follows or would you like us all to ignore the fact you can get 400 in a matter of hours and drop 500 the next day? Should we believe your version of accounts because you're...... an upstanding member of this community? Stop trying to compare your jumps in followers on your stainsofpascal IG account with other ppls. Your account numbers go up and down faster than a whores knickers on Paddy’s Day in Times Square. No one else has this but you and your dodgy minions who hid their dodgy numbers in a recent attempt to hide their ratios.

5.      COME CLEAN

What have I done in this fandom? I'll admit it (again). I bought Pedro’s white pages and socials info via a website. That was stupid. I regret doing it. What was really stupid was that I shared some of it thinking it was for a laugh and your mate, (let's call her Ms Peacock) used it to trade with ppl across the fandom to gain clout and to gain more information about Pedro. I've tried to make amends but it's far too late as it snowballed into much bigger information getting traded. So to attempt to make amends, I decided to get closer to the psychos and report back. Shitty, I know, but at least the right ppl know about the stalking bullshit and Pedro can protect himself better.

6.  MS PEACOCK AND STALKER REDDIT

After sharing his old info with you and Ms Peacock, I realised neither of you were looking into Pedro's old info just out of curiosity. You were tracking him and his friends around like they’re characters in a story. It’s my bad for not noticing the crazy when it was staring me in the face.  I shared info which was traded from person to person in exchange for info that has been used to help Ms Peacock not just stalk Pedro online but get physically closer to him. First, driving past his old house and now, three years later, she’s living "#twoblocksaway" from his gym according to a recent post. Zero shame.

I shouldn't be surprised since she used to frequent his actual neighbourhood even though it was a three hour round trip from her town. Before all that, she told us she used his personal email for a project where a group of us had raised money to adopt an elephant for his birthday. I never did get the info on the elephant since she dipped on the group chat after getting what she wanted. Ms Peacock traded info some of us had given her with others in turn for more info and clout. Just like a fandom Gollum. We didn’t realise that stuff we shared was being traded so it could be added to in order to feed her need to feel near him and grow her influence here. You’ve been part of supporting that behaviour too. When Ms Peacock asked you to find out where Pedro was one day, you went straight to the airline staff and lied about possibly being on the flight in an attempt to get the flight details. You ran right back and gave her what you had. I hope you realise we’ve all been played. Some of us learned our lesson and tried to be better but you stayed with her and you guys took it to another level. When you ran out of info, you created a stalker reddit where you share info you gather through lies and deceit with some real psychos in the fandom. I hadn't realised what I fed into until I saw the levels you guys cranked it up to. Now I see what a bit of info in the wrong hands can snowball into. I have a lot of regret about that. (I also have receipts)

Do you regret being part of that? Have you even stopped tracking him?

7.   CHASING CLOUT

Some of us did some of the stuff you continue to do but we woke up and realised this shit isn't a game. YOU and your shitty friends levelled up and are fucking with ppls lives. You treat him like shit for clout and not because you want him to be a successful human being. You need to grow up and admit that to yourself. Impossible though right?! Coz then you might lose clout. That is why you're here right?!

If it's not, then why?

TO CREATE COMMUNITY?

I've seen screenshots of your IG posts and what type of community you're cultivating in your comments. Ppl who shit on Pedro's career, his sexuality, his physical appearance, and you've collected a fine assortment of fandom psychos all sharing your posts. You feed them with likes even when their comments are hate filled. Ppl have noticed.

TO STALK PEDROS FRIENDS?

You've posted about contacting Pedro's friends through social media. Going so far as to add trackers to your Tumblr and watch their online status on Instagram. (I’ve got receipts)

TO INTERFERE PEDROS FRIENDS?

You’ve admitted reaching out to Pedro’s old friends. They’re said they’ve unknowingly given information to stalkers they've had to add extra layers of security to their social media. They aren’t there to be used as “sources” during playtime. (I’ve got receipts)

TO STALK PEDRO?

You guys contact his friends, hotel and airline staff for more info on his whereabouts. (I’ve got receipts) If that's not stalking then what do you call it?

TO SUPPORT PEDRO?

Pedro is the punchline of your account. You encourage ppl to drag him by liking their hate filled comments. What’s that about? It would be cute if you weren’t also stalking him but publicly negging the fuck out of you’re victim is a bit tasteless, no?

8.      OBSESSED

You say I'm "obsessed" with you and you've "done nothing to my friends"? No, try, a lot of other ppl in the fandom and I are sick of your holier than thou act when we’ve seen you abuse and attack ppl competing accounts who did nothing to you. You can't fuck up ppls lives and expect to skip off into the sunset. You do shitty things, refuse to acknowledge them and continue to be the best example of what's wrong with this fandom and why it has the reputation it does.

9. WHY DO I "COME FOR YOU"?

I challenge you because you came at others first and like magic, shit hit the fan for them.

Early on you were copying Aude’s style of posting. It's undeniable that your posts were very similar. No one really cared but ppl talked about it in forums and someone sent an anon to @pedrohub who decided to post it for some reason🤔. You decided to attack her in a reblog and accuse her "friends" of sending poorly spelled hate. Then you gaslight her all because she had....stopped liking your posts as much as before. Like wtf?

Then you blamed Arte for hateful anons you were getting. You said it was her because she had blocked you. You said it was definitely she because she's from Ohio (btw Arte doesn’t talk about being from Ohio so how did you know that?), ignoring the fact another fan is from Ohio and is well known in the fandom to send vicious hateful anons (let's call her Wendys License-Plates Girl). You didn't like Artes reason for disliking you and your account. She blocked you so she just didn’t have to see you. She had never said anything bad about you at that point. You produced screenshots of conversations which were had after you accused her but you ran with them as your "evidence" that she had it out for you in dms and was directing a campaign of hate against you. When nothing came of that, you then blamed her for getting you blocked by Sebastiano Mauri because you.....liked her dog pic? Again wtf. There's a trend brewing here.

You created these monsters in your head and you took your anger out on unsuspecting fan accounts. Meanwhile, you were posting shit ppl just weren't feeling and stalking SM in dms. You were tracking him and baiting him to speak to you so you could see his activity tracker in IG. I was the one who got you blocked for your fucking stalker bullshit coz you bragged about it.

You blamed Arte and Aude for bullshit you made up in your paranoid mind. You were told they were innocent by the person you suspectdd of ratting you out but you chose to doggedly go after both of THEM AND NOT ME. Talking shit in dms with whoever would listen. Spinning your usual holier than thou victim routine.

Now, let’s see….

Who has magically lost their account – pascalisfrenchpunk

Who has magically received a death threat – artedepascal (also runs mh_creatives on IG)

Who was bore witness to your bullshit, Known to be friends with Aude and Arte, Known to have connections to get info to Pedro?

Me.

Why didn’t you ever target me since you had vague posted about me being a rat? You knew I got kicked out of the stalker reddit once the Fleetwoods-rumours blog got published for the guys to read.

But...

I don't use IG so I guess you didn't see me as a threat to your clout chasing on there. You only went for ppl with competing IG accounts because all you want is to be noticed by Pedro and to be the Queen Clout Chaser of the fandom.

NO ONE WAS RUNNING A CAMPAIGN OF HATE BUT I SURE WAS COLLECTING A COLLAGE OF YOUR BULLSHIT TO HELP YOUR VICTIMS.

If you have missed who the fans are that are giving this fandom a reputation for being psychos, please see the Story Time series (so far) below✌️

[typicalopposite]

Thank youuuu @onthewaytosomewhere for the tag <3

The Rules: Copy the following prompts or make your own, post what fandoms you write for & your followers can request one of the prompts with a ship, character or fandom for a ficlet. Have fun! 

🌈 For all of June, Ficlet Fridays will be Pride themed. This week's prompts are lyrics from LGBTQ+ artists 🌈

I used to live alone before I knew you (Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright)

Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dreams (Karma Chameleon - Boy George)

Aren't you tired of tryin' to fill that void? (Shallow - Lady Gaga)

A truth so loud you can't ignore (My Youth - Troy Sivan)

Guess it's true I'm not good at a one night stand (Stay With Me - Sam Smith)

But thanks for loving me, cause you're doing it perfectly (Whatdya Want From Me - Adam Lambert)

Guess ‘hot goddamn mess’ is your type then (Got Weird - dodie)

If I have to live without you I don't wanna live forever (Hell Together - David Archuleta)

Wild Card - send me lyrics from a song by a queer srtist of your choice and let's see what it inspires. 💚

Dealer's choice - i'll choose one of these i haven't gotten yet for your pairing/fandom or somthing else and write with that 💚

My fandoms: 9-1-1 (BuckTommy) RWRB (FirstPrince, and just for you Mel SouthernPhilantropy) Spies Are Forever (CurtWen... so you'll give me a prompt Wench) & Psych (Shassie)

tagging @scripted-downfall @luainthewild and @meraki-yao & I'll try to get any prompts I get out before the next Ficlet Friday!

[colorful-white-ideas]

He's definitely in the prime of his years, and his acting career has taken off again like it should have after IT. There's always going to be those who love him for the way he looks despite if he's a good actor or not. And don't get me wrong, he's a really good actor! His problem is his being a huge hypocrite. He was smart enough, or his team was anyway, to keep his partner away for all the lead up to The Crow bc we all kn"ow she would have ruined that for him. Not bc he has a partner but bc of her antics. He tries to act humble and sweet and not liking social media to promote himself and yet his partner is once again back to making sure she gets to have her claim to fame by using his name. We all know she's pregnant but when the shameful attempt at attention seeking early in the year didn't work (her posing pregnant) the team shut her up. She went off to a yoga resort and wasn't tagged in anything so of course she didn't post anything she wasn't tagged in on her IG. She went to some HM event recently in Sweden and no one tagged her bc she was showing off her belly. Days after suddenly she's forced her "friends" to repost the same tired pics and make sure she's tagged. Then of course she posts. It's always at Bill's biggest career heights that this happens and she uses him and his fame to get attention. And he allows it! He made sure to keep her away from the American press though I noticed bc they damn well would have called him out on her behavior overall. He's smart but again a hypocrit. That's what's gonna be his downfall in his career. Other actors have been cancelled for it too. And it's sad.

I get what you are saying , what she does is very opportunistic and one of the reasons why I don like her. But at least this time the fandom is helping Bill's team in a way we didn't before.

The Bill tag is free of her face. I see more of him and his job than whatever she's into now. THANK GOD. So as far as I don't see her clinging to the fandom and invading this bubble honestly, and as I said before, I don't give a flying fuck about her and what she's up to.

So I encourage people to please not share Alida content in Bill pages or using Bill's tag here in Tumblr or on other platforms. She's her own persona , create a space for her if you want to talk about her but Bill doesn't want his personal life and partner to be out there so.Keep her away.

Now, I know that between the lines you are suggesting that the best way he could save his image would be if he finally breaks up with her. They have 3 kids now , things are more complicated for both of them. Who knows? But for now , he is just the boyfriend of a problematic woman ... If her shenanigans come to light , he won't lose too much actually. At the end of the day he's a man, and the world is more cruel and critical towards women.

Although I don't like her , at the same time I don't wish for her to ever be cancelled cause she seems to be a very sensitive woman ... She won't take it well and she is a mother of small children , it'll be a mess. So for the love of all gods I hope she is smart enough to stay away and listen to whatever agreement she has with Bill and his team.

[spaceless-vacuum]

Fandom‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ Legend of Zelda

Pairing‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ Yandere!Koridai x reader

Word count‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ 728

Summery‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ once again I wrote something from this list of prompts about forced cuddling. This is number 4 from the list and I plan in getting all of them done at some point!

Misc‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ first person pov, kidnapping, drugged, half unconcious reader, dub-con cuddling

It was useless. No matter how hard I tried to struggle I couldn't muster the strength to move, much less fight back against Koridai as he rolled me over in my bedroll. He had woken me up in the middle of the night by just being himself. His habits and mannerisms were always a little off putting but no more so than usual that night. He was hanging around closer than I would have preferred and making his bedroll not even a foot away from mine. If he wanted to move closer he could ask but instead he just pretended to be sneaky in his attempts to roll closer to me throughout the night.

I had my growing suspicions that this knight wasn't all that met the eye but I didn't think he would actively drug me. This was the most condemning thing he had done and if it were possible to get away I would have tried to run back to town. It was only a few days away but he couldn't keep me like this forever could he?

It was the pain in my neck that told me something was wrong but my body felt oddly weightless, and far too heavy to move. I had no choice but to lay here. Koridai moved my arm to the side so he could snuggle into my chest. My bedroll couldn't cover both of us and he seemed to realise this part way through making himself comfortable. He groaned audibly and muttered a curse under his breath as he got up and dragged his own bedroll next to mine.

He set it down and moved it as close to me as possible and then laid back down. I just watched him with half closed eyelids while hoping he would just leave.

Once again he laid down next to me and laid one of my arms over his shoulder. Intertwining me with him so we were laying like two lovers about to rest rather than a friend and their terrifying hero. He acted so calmly about it. I stared blankly at him as he eyed me up and down. Taking in what I looked like in my nightgown. It wasn't like it was anything revealing, couldn't have been in this weather, but by the deep red blush on his face I could tell he still thought of this as incredibly scandalous.

Which just made his actions all the more questionable. He turned around, placing his back to my chest. Still holding my arm he wrapped it around him. Properly making me the big spoon as he pressed himself flush against my body. I tried to wriggle away but all I could manage to do was slightly shift my weight from one side to another. It was useless. As of right now there was no way to fight.

Even if I could move there was no doubt in my mind that it would be a tough fight if Link really wanted to make it difficult. The only thing saving me seemed to be his knightly principles. I'm pretty sure that he would blush if I showed him my ankles in a suggestive manner. His greatest downfall was his own love. He was just a blushing mess if you hit him in the right spot. That didn't mean he wasn't dangerous if you made an enemy of him but I was stuck and there was no way out; but I was aware of my own safety and how I wasn't in any real danger. 

What a strange situation. I groaned and tried to get some thoughts out but it was too difficult to say anything with the fog over my brain. I was falling asleep as it was and there was nothing I could do to stop the peaceful pull over my eyelids.

“Promise you wont be mad once morning hits?” he asked. His voice was quiet and hopeful. I was going to attempt a response but nothing came out. It was too late for me to say anything. He laughed. A small chuckle at first but then it got louder. He took a deep breath and stayed quiet as he spoke. His back was still towards me so it was harder to make out the words.

“Next morning you won't remember this, but that's ok love. I'll remember this moment of ours.” 

[squish36-writes-and-draws]

21 November: Unraveling

Word Count: 739

TW: Swearing, Suicidal ideation

General Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @faggot-friday @kamikothe1and0nly @nyxpixels @florida-preposterously

@poppinspop @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @corruption-exe @rusted-phone-calls

@when-wax-wings-melt @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125 @hi-imgrapes

@callum-hunt-is-bisexual @callas-pancake-tree @hi-my-name-is-awesome @katniss-elizabeth-chase @sillyguy-supreme

@void-kill @thefoxysnake @the-pre-quiz

Unraveling Project Specific Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed/upgraded): @cutebisexualmess @crippling-pages @daizythegreat @sophiefostersno1stan @iggydancebreak

@theleopardstalker @you-will-meet-your-downfall @multi-fandom-lunatic

On Ao3 or below the cut!

First (3 November) / Previous / Next

Keefe Sencen's Journal

    Dear journal, I know it’s tacky and pathetic to be speaking to you this directly, but you need to promise that you’re not going to tell anyone of these pages. If you for some reason find yourself in anyone else’s hands, figure out how to spontaneously combust. 

    I was wandering the streets as usual, and I found myself gazing up at Brunelleschi’s Dome, attached to the Cattedrale de Santa Maria del Fiore. I wondered just how difficult it would be to sneak in there and how long it would take me, falling from the highest floor, to hit the ground. 

    I would just remove myself from the equation. My mother can’t use me as a pawn in her little game if I’m dead.

    I would never drag anyone else into this mess along with me again. 

    Even now, as I write this, I keep thinking of digging this pen into my fingers until I can feel something, anything that isn’t simply my brain telling me that it would be easier, better, even, if I were to just end myself here. 

    It’s not that I want to die. It’s that it’s the best option after a string of horrible decisions followed by horrible decisions. Everything I’ve ever done, I’ve fucked up beyond repair. Anyone that knows me knows that I’ve run off to a random place in the Forbidden Cities. 

    It would be so, so easy to just disappear permanently and I can’t think of a single reason that not killing myself would bring a measurable benefit to anything. 

    If I do end up never writing in here again, you can assume that I’m dead. In that case, I want a few things to be known. I’m pan. I didn’t know that was something someone could even be until barely a week ago, but there’s no words for how right it feels. 

    It’s also the reason that I have to let Taylor, Florent, and, yes, Sophie know that I love them. I didn’t know it was possible to love more than one person at once and maybe that’s just another thing that’s wrong with me, but that’s all I know. You all deserve so much more than me and I wish you well on your future endeavours. I hope it improves from here. The bar is not set very high. Please forget me. I can’t ask you to forgive me, because I can never forgive myself, but I don’t want you to think about the pain I know I caused all three of you time and time again. 

    Fitz, I’m sorry I was such a shitty best friend for so long. Maybe if I hadn’t been caught up with staring at you any time we were in the same room, I would have seen just how badly you were spiralling and that your life wasn’t as perfect as I always imagined it being. 

    Tam, you’re going to be pissed with me no matter what I say. Please try to be there for Sophie the way I never could. Also the reason I made fun of your bangs is because they made my heart stop with every glint of sun they reflected and I never figured out how to process that in a healthy way. 

    Dex, I’m sorry for tearing your family apart. I never wanted to do that, but that doesn’t mean it’s not my fault. Keep on causing problems for me, I know you’ve always been a better executor of plans than I could ever hope to be. Fitz has some ideas if you’re willing to tolerate his presence. He might need some support, even if he doesn’t want to admit that out loud. I’m not telling you to go deal with all of his problems, I’m just suggesting that maybe he’s not having such a great time after the whole Alvar thing. It might be worth worrying that he’s going to get mad at everyone and that’s an unpleasant Fitz to be around. Deal with this as you see fit. 

    After an extensive review of the evidence, I’m simply an irreconcilable failure and there are times I wish I never existed. It would have been so much simpler if I had never existed. And yet, here I am, waxing poetic about wanting this all to end instead of actually getting up and doing it. I don’t want to die. It’s just making the best of a bad situation.

[mbirnsings-71]

i just thought it was funny how many fandoms we shared LOL

I am gonna use this ask to like let people know what fandoms I'm in because I wouldn't have known how many fandoms we share if Jay didn't keep tagging me in stuff you've reblogged!! So like anyone that wants to know my fandoms please click the keep reading button cause woo boy there's a lot.

so time for THE LIST! The Fandom List of all fandom lists!

DC obviously (Bernard Dowd I miss you...)

Dimension 20 (everyone should at least watch Fantasy high, escape the bloodkeep, or The unsleeping city because woo boy-)

Critical role (especially right now if you like Brennan Lee mulligan DMing cause he's DMing the Downfall mini arc of the third campaign and it's gonna be so fun actually, but also if you like a bunch of voice actors playing TTRPGS you should totally try to get into it even though it's a big time commitment it's so worth it though)

Danganronpa (sadly this one is an old hyperfixation come back to life, Let me at the game and I'll fix all the weird shit about it I promise I PROMISE-)

Until Dawn/The Quarry (again another Hyperfixation come back to life but this time I actually made OCs for it LIKE HEYYYYYY they're silly I love These two games they're so-)

Supernatural (again, an old hyperfixation come back to life because something about this show has a chokehold on me and I got into it through fanfictions of all things I was only here for Castiel and I got dragged way too into it my god-)

Welcome to night vale (I actually got to go to one of the live shows for this AND have a signed poster hanging in my room from it so I'm thriving- I really do need to play catch up with it though.)

The Magnus Archives (Again, another podcast I need to play catch up with BECAUSE WOOOOOO BOY I am only on season 4... Season 5 scares me but I want Jonmart....)

9-1-1 (BECAUSE I GOT DRAGGED INTO IT BY MY FRIEND AND TIKTOK AND NOW THEY ARE MY BRAIN ROT IT'S AWFUL AND I LOVE IT AND I LOVE BUCK AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

Pokemon (love the games and I do have so many favorites. My favorite Gen is gen 5 because it's one of the first pokemon games I know and have loved very much!!)

Ace Attorney (it's actually how I met one of my closest friends <3 so like I gotta include it here!!)

Miraculous ladybug (this one is because I got my nephew hooked on it so now he requests for me to put it on it's the funniest thing and this show is a mess that's for sure)

and so much more but this is getting so long and those are the ones that consistently come back into my brain most of the time, I can always be asked if I've seen something/have liked something before but like you'll probably know if I reblog something that I probably like it.