#the department funding me having this job literally does not have that much money so the ceiling of what i can get is low

[elytrafemme]

okay i just put them away so doing this by memory but my lovely suitemate got some pkmn cards in a white elephant gift exchange and offered me some so i now have physical pkmn cards!!! the ones i currently have are: garganacl ex, electivire, mienshao, salazzle (most likely going to give away to friend from home), mow rotom, pangoro (YAY!!!!), and eevee :D

the negative effect this has is that between this and the pkmn trading card app i am now like in the mentality of wanting to buy pokemon cards and packs. cards isn't so bad because those aren't always expensive like i COULD just buy a chandelure card online et cetera. but packs are more expensive + i'm ngl i do not know if i want to risk subsequent disappointment. this being said... maybe as like. a way in the future birthday gift. or something.

[leastdatablebracket]

ROUND 4, MATCH 1

Propaganda under the cut!

Jumin Han

Propaganda

manipulative and abusive asshole

He's a stuck up trust fund baby, and won't take no for an answer. His route is objectively the WORST

He is in love with his cat and constantly compares you with the damn cat😭 like an actual fucking feline animal that’s not nickname 😭😭😭

unapologetic member of the bourgeoisie. makes his secretary cut her hair and wear glasses so he can take her seriously. 0/10 hate this man so much it has been 7 years since i first set eyes on him and to this day i have carried this with me in silence. my hatred for this man has been my burden. my old mysme mutuals will never know.

ok so fun fact when i tried to play jumin’s route i hated it so fucking much i abandoned ship on day 7. this is a grown ass man who is far too immature (and has too much money) to be romanceable like can he see a therapist first? i’m not his therapist. i’m not. i’m not his cat either. why are you locking me in your penthouse does this LOOK like amnesia: memories. also i hate that in order to gain favor ability you have to act like a jerk to other characters at times and also i love jaehee (his secretary that he makes do Fucking Everything For Him) too much to want to date him romantically. imo he’s a great character in other routes, but in his own it’s just…. :/ . did i mention i hate the whole “getting locked in his house” thing. 

he makes jaehee do so much shit that is WAAAAYYY outside the scope of her job description???? she’s his personal assistant. he makes her take care of his personal — completely unrelated to the company— projects related to cats, makes her watch his pet cat at HER APARTMENT OUTSIDE OF WORK HOURS (as far as i can tell he didnt pay her extra for that, though she does get paid overtime) which is so wildly entitled of him to do, but he’s a rich man so. in every route except for jaehee’s and his own— in jaehee’s she quits altogether and in jumin’s she gets a long awaited and well deserved vacation— he piles her with so much more work than is reasonable. for example: in another story she is tasked with— on top of her regular work tasks — to become the HEAD OF AN IT DEPARTMENT FOR COMBATTING HACKERS. also, he constantly pushes zen —someone who is very, very allergic to cats— to interact with his cat. like he wants to take his pet cat to their charity party/event, and seems very blase and uncaring and disbelieving to the fact that he’s allergic, and that other attendees could be too! and as another example: in zen’s route he offers zen a job when he’s looking work— but it has to do with modelling for a cat food brand, and interacting with cats. which he’s explicitly told jumin he doesn’t want to do. they reconcile and it leads to zen giving in and doing the modeling job :/ now, i don’t dislike cats— i love cats! but i’m also very allergic to them (fur, dander, and saliva) so this hits a little close to home. but constant exposure to an allergen can trigger chronic asthma and asthma attacks, and chronic asthma can be very damaging to someone. it can damage their lungs! it’s not a matter to be trivialized! and even if zen’s allergies were “minor,” jumin’s constantly trying to force someone who’s set up a boundary time and time again about not wanting to interact with cats to interact with them and while it is a small example — at least in comparison to the rest of his route— of him ignoring/overstepping/bulldozing past boundaries, it still makes me itch!

Sam Dalton

Propaganda

Spineless af, no personality but 'horny' for the mc. pretty shit at being a parent. Literally cheated on their fiance, but the fiance is made out to be the 'bad guy'. Character is gender customisable but is written so white male coded urgh. is terribly jealous but not in a cute way. just really annoying. much rather choose their ex wife or fiancé over them any day

He (like it was said before customizable but white man coded) was so bad when I played the game. He’s the only love interest of the story, but after a single chapter I decided I wasn’t interested in him. I went out of my way to avoid any romantic options with him. For me the game was just “The Nanny”. But, despite all my romance dodging, I ended up with a scene where he says word for word “My hands aren't clean, [character name]. How can they be, when I think about you every time I touch myself? Or when I want to murder the next man who touches you?”. BIG RED FLAG. Also at one point, Sam can give you the option to DITCH HIS 9 YEAR OLD SONS BIRTHDAY PARTY and hook up with him! 

[ecto-american]

I was doing some research for a fanfiction, and remembered this line from Reality Trip, which got my criminal justice self all excited because of the implications. So have some analysis from a rambling autistic with a criminal justice degree.

“Daniel Fenton, in accordance with the Federal Anti-Ecto Control Act, Article 1, Section 1, Sub-section A, you're under arrest.”

Y'all, this is kinda wack? It means, on some level, there has been a federal judgment within the world of Danny Phantom that not only acknowledges that ghosts exist, but has an entire fucking act describing specifically the course of action in a sense. Lots of acts will kind of be this vague overarching thing with various random acts thrown into it, but the name along with the article one, section one subsection a dealio implies that this entire act focuses on ghosts. I say act and not law btw, because those terms are not necessarily synonyms.

Not only does this confirm that there are acts (at least one anyway) in Danny Phantom that specifically talk about ghosts, but kind of really and truly cements that the Guys in White are actually a federal government agency, rather than them simply acting as one but really being a private company of sorts or being some local state government program.

And with laws about ghosts, it means that legally, the government had to define what exactly a ghost is as well as their rights and lack of rights, and that they legally acknowledge, as a nation, that ghosts exists. While, of course, we don’t really ever get to see this act, and as far as I know, it’s literally Never talked about again, this scene means that this act applies to Danny. For a quick refresher, this happens after Danny is exposed, and so this act still applies to Danny despite him being outted as a half ghost. A scary sidenote is before this scene and line of dialogue, the agents told Danny that he was coming in for questioning and experiments.

So what might it possibly say? If there are any acts that we can potentially base what this act possibly would say, I would probably guess it’d be similar to the acts used for minorities within the United States. And I say these kinds of acts because they’re specifically acts that discriminate towards a group, and that have used various reasons to justify how they are not human, citizens or have any legal rights. If the agents’ lines were correct, these acts probably gave them justification for doing inhumanly cruel things to Danny.

Of course, Danny could be arrest for something totally different and not for some anti-ghost reasons. At this point in time, he’s still kind of half-loved, half-hated publicly as people are shown to still believe that he stole during the events of Control Freaks and the mayor incident of Public Enemies, but if he was under arrest for any of those crimes, the agents would have said that. And I refuse to believe this is an oversight of the writers, because they would have found any nitpicky thing and made it a funny situation where the agents went on and on and on about this endless list of crimes that the ghost boy has committed until Danny roundhouse kicked somebody. And no, it’s likely not because the Guys in White are only interested in Ghost Crimes. As federal officials, which they are confirmed to be, they would have arrested him for everything and have to basically fistfight the other government agencies investigating his Non Ghost Crimes.

So what exactly is he under arrest for? No clue obviously, and it’s hard to really even guess. Article 1, Section 1, Sub-section A for most acts are basically describing what the act’s going to be before it moves on to detail that. I think this is an oversight of the DP writers, lord knows we get enough of them, but it could also potentially highlight the Dumb factor of the Guys in White that we would see them sometimes exhibit, where instead of properly referencing the piece of legislation he’s under arrest for, they just blurt out the first section of that law.

And who wrote this act? It could be anybody, of course. Anybody within politics. It also begs the question as to exactly when this act was written and when it was put into effect. I’d wager it heavily depends on when the Guys in White came into effect, as they are clearly acting under these laws. Which begs the question: how many pieces of anti-ghost legislation are there? Who’s writing them? There’s potential that there are literally lawyers who are literally experts in ghost law. Keep in mind that in the beginning of the series, there was a lot of skepticism that ghosts even exist.

This honestly leads me to propose a new headcanon: The Guys in White are a very new government organization that spawned after the events of Public Enemies. To preface this and clarify, in order, the Guys in White appear in only five episodes: Million Dollar Ghost, Double Cross My Heart, Reality Trip, Eye for an Eye, and Livin’ Large.

Evidence to support this theory:

They only show up four episodes later in their first appearance in Million Dollar Ghost. Public Enemies seems to also be the first episode in the series that shows a massive onslaught of ghost attacks. I would guess that this is the ghostly event that probably spawned the act in question, which may have called for the organization of the Guys in White. Prior to this, ghosts were basically shown that they’re unconfirmed to exist on a public level. Even Jack, our lovable and excitable ghost hunter who’s been doing this since his college years admits in Mystery Meat that he’s never seen a ghost until that point. Jazz mentions that Harriet Chin in Bitter Reunions lost her job for writing an article about ghosts because she was laughed for writing about something that was more for “the national enquirer”, a conspiracy theory newspaper that nobody really takes seriously.

Why are they there during the events of Million Dollar Ghost anyway? If they’re a new organization, they may need that money or are cashing in on the publicity of the event to spread their name, or they’re just starting out and have no real clue where else to go. Only two of them even showed up anyway. The only other groups there are very small ghost hunting groups: literally two young adults on scooters, another set of young adults with a tiger fueled by anxiety and a van, and FentonWorks. And while they, out of all of them, clearly have the most advanced technology, they’re about on the same skill level as the other ghost hunters (getting captured and tricked and such just as easily). Danny even was just as “haha” about them as he was the other hunters who had showed up.

Their technology in Million Dollar ghost is nothing in comparison to the literal jetpacks and planes and four wheelers and armor they get several episodes later. Their funding increased when they proved ghosts exist and more ghostly events happened, and they likely proved their competence in some way. Especially when we see that they have been catching other ghosts (like Skulker in Double Cross My Heart and Lydia in Reality Trip) and gathering important information on ghostly artifacts (Reality Trip).

It would explain why they don’t really show up that often in the series, especially during major ghost events where they really should be there, such as the ghost king invasion of Reign Storm. They may have not secured the funding or manpower to really do anything just yet. Note that Reign Storm happened in between Million Dollar Ghost and Double Cross My Heart, which is almost a 20 episode gap. Their skills, knowledge, ability, technology and apparent funding jumped massively between these episodes, and it kind of stays about the same consistency for the rest of the show.

They really only seem to have one department, and they have really low employee numbers for a government agency. There’s no talk or implications or having multiple departments or anything, such as research or technology. Even during the SWAT invasion during Reality Trip, there’s only like twenty or so agents there. In Livin’ Large, there’s only about seven there, and two are the Agent K and O that we know. They play a lot of roles, from researching, questioning, gathering information, tracking down criminals, getting information from the Fenton’s lab, technology things in FentonWorks, etc. Of course, this is a staple for many law enforcement jobs where you have many tasks, but they seem to be playing the role of detective, computer analysis, and police officer at minimum given the wide variety of things we see them do. As somebody who’s worked in three situations where the company/program was very new, it’s incredibly common for a new company that’s still finding it’s groundings to have a very blurred job line. Or they’re heavily underfunded, but look at the goddamn jetpacks they get, look me in the eye and tell me they’re underfunded.

The lack of basic ghost information. In Livin’ Large, they want to destroy the Ghost Zone. It’s apparently very obvious that you Can’t Do That, but the Guys in White seem oblivious. While you can argue that they’re just fucking dumb, it may be more reasonable to assume that they simply just don’t know.

There’s no dialogue (that I can find) prior to Million Dollar Ghost to suggest they exist. There’s also no dialogue from Vlad, who would have known and been wary of such an organization had it been around for years, to suggest that they’ve been around a while. Jack, who also is open about how much he admires them, would have likely said something to. But I am willing to chalk this entire part up to simply poor writing.

“But Danny knew who the Guys in White were when they showed up in Million Dollar Ghost!” Yeah. He also knew who the other people were, and I heavily doubt that they’d be as big of a deal or name as the Official government branch. It’s very likely that they all introduced themselves when they showed up.

[dino-nugget7]

A Manifesto Against The School System

As of writing this I am a second year Public High School Teacher. I won’t be able to live with myself if I spend another year at it. Literally, I feel like a bit of a monster for deciding to finish out this school year rather than quitting right now. But we do what we must to survive, my students won’t be less oppressed because I left, and if nothing else, it gives me an opportunity to strategize about what I can do to aid in revolutionizing school because authentic alternatives to public school exist but none I have found have been intersectional enough to replace public education without excluding the kids who would most benefit from escaping the main school system here in America.

Some of the reasons I did not understand how oppressive school actually is, are that my interests and hobbies happened to align very neatly with the “core” classes, and that even though I grew up very poor and moved around a lot as a kid, we eventually settled and I went to a well funded high school that had just about any elective and/or after school club that I might be interested in trying and then some. During that time, I came to see school as a place where I could explore my passions and escape my home situation. So I figured I would love to pay it forward and go be a teacher.

I recognized at least, the privileged position I came from and decided I wanted to go learn how to teach in settings as different from my high school as possible. Which is why I went and got special permission for most of my classroom placements throughout the teaching program to be at alternative schools. In Colorado at least, alternative schools are small public schools which primarily serve students identified as “at risk”, which is shorthand for “Statistically more likely to drop out than the general population for one reason or another.”

I did not know when I asked to be placed in one, but learned within days of being there that most people that even know alternative schools exist, think of them as the places where “the bad kids” go. I realized very quickly that they are actually places filled with kids who have experienced a lot of trauma in and out of school and don’t respond to that trauma the way adults want them to respond. I came to adore kids at alternative schools because they remind me of my younger siblings.

Like my oldest brother, many of them find school mind numbingly easy and boring and have much more pressing matters to devote their mental energy to.

Like my middle brother, many of them have spent so much time around teachers who do not understand neurodivergence that have been convinced of the lie that they are weird, dumb and/or lazy and because of that, trying to participate in school is like hitting their head on a brick wall.

Like all of my brothers and my sisters, they have a ton of skills that they are brilliant at, but that are not prioritized by the school system, so they never pursue them, such as construction, music, makeup and programming.

Many, if not most of them come from living situations full of abuse and neglect and/or poverty so they don’t have the mental or emotional space to worry about much beyond survival, and not only haven’t learned how to make and achieve long term goals, but have never had the luxury of a stable enough environment for that kind of planning to be worthwhile.

All that being said, something that you only realize if you actually work in a few public alternative schools, as I have done through college and my current job, is that the name is actually an oxymoron.

What started me down the path of considering and researching all the ways school is an oppressive system, was a conversation I had with a student in my first year teaching. He was learning about chemical reactions and safety and asked me the infamous question, “Why do I have to learn about this?” to which I said “Because everything is chemicals and understanding how they can interact with one another and ways they can harm you can keep you safe when you do things like clean or cook.” To which he replied, “Well no offense but I have no idea how this shit relates to cooking and please don’t tell me because its not like I’m actually going to remember it when I am cooking, and I already know how to clean safely because of work. But you’re still going to make me learn this boring shit anyways so seriously, why do we have to learn about this?”

I paused to consider what he was asking. I had interpreted, as the system trained me to, that the question he was asking was, “what value does this knowledge hold?” But what he actually meant was “Why are you making me waste my time learning about this thing that I never asked to learn about?” So I replied, as a sort of test of my new understanding, “It’s part of the physical science curriculum the Education Department thinks is important for high schoolers to learn.” He was taken aback, “Wait, you don’t decide what stuff we learn about? What’s even the point of teachers then? Why don’t they just give us a list of all their stupid stuff they think we should know so we can get on with our lives?” He had a point and I have spent a lot of time reflecting on and growing from that conversation.

Sure, there are some key differences that make alternative schools slightly more tolerable than your standard 800-4,000 kid high school. Class sizes are smaller so students get more individualized help. We get funding to help students access things such as food, clothes, hygiene products, and healthcare and know students well enough that we actually know which kids are lacking these resources. We have slightly more leeway than traditional schools to create innovative lessons. We don’t give out homework.

But public alternative schools are still oppressive in most of the ways that the big schools are. I’m sure none of this will be a surprise to most readers, but I want you to really consider how restricted kids in public school are, how restricted you probably were in school as you read through this.

School starts early in the morning and students have to constantly shift mental gears throughout the day due to a tight schedule of constantly rotating classes and a very short lunch break. Throughout the day, bells tell students when they can’t or must move around or eat. Students have to ask when they need to go to the bathroom or get water and teachers cannot go at all outside of their plan period because students are not trusted to be in the classroom without an adult even for a few minutes. They have no control over who they share space with and very little control over their ability to leave that space if it conflicts with their needs. There is a strict dress code which disproportionately targets marginalized students. Students are expected to be sociable but not given nearly enough opportunities to actually socialize. The school keeps records of everything the student has ever gotten in trouble for, every class the student has taken, every grade they have received, their “class rank,” and every intervention program the student is part of. And like every public school, alternative schools must follow state curriculum standards and by extension, grading, data collection, and required testing. On the surface it might not seem like it, but that last point is actually the most insidious one and its the one that has followed students into remote learning during the pandemic.

According to the people who decide how schools work, there are four factors of student choice: These factors are Time, Place, Pace, and Path. For example, if I am running a unit on plate tectonics, rather than giving students a worksheet and telling them to work on it as we go through a slideshow and turn it in at the end of class, I could put them in groups, give them an online choice board of three different but roughly equivalent projects relating to plate tectonics to choose from, each with different rubrics for completion and tell them they can turn it in at any time in the next two weeks. And then instead of devoting class time to direct instruction, I would give them a variety of resources to peruse and teach them how to research more and let them choose what aspects of plate tectonics to focus on and how to present their information. Now, this is certainly a few steps in the right direction away from making kids sit in rows and listen to the teacher drone on about plate tectonics while they take notes. But it misses the most important factors of choice in my eyes, the things that I would be fired for if I actually gave them the choice about: How students spend their time and what they are allowed to prioritze.

None of this is to say that expecting kids to learn is inherently fucked up or that teaching inherently makes one an oppressive person. On the contrary, authentic teaching and learning are vital to our ability to solve our problems and grow as people. If all students were given the opportunities to spend their childhoods learning things that they were actually interested in, to explore the full breadth of knowledge that humans have compiled at their leisure without timelines or milestones except the ones they set for themselves, to socialize with people of all ages, to authentically participate in society both as learners and as educators, as leaders and as team members, the world wouldn’t be perfect, but it would be a lot less soul crushing.

Now, I mentioned at the beginning of this piece that authentic alternatives do exist.  To get you started on researching what’s out there, I recommend starting with Sudbury schools and the unschooling movement.

But unless these models somehow miraculously become a large and accepted enough presence to get government funding, or money ceases its hold on us all, the public school system will be the only one that most students, especially impoverished students, transient students, english language learners, and disabled students (especially those with profound disabilities) will have access to. Which is a damn shame and a problem I am committed to trying to figure out how to contribute to solving because those are the students whose lives would be most radically transformed for the better if they got the opportunities that these models provide.

[managingmymuse]

employment

for writer's month day 2: coffeeshop AU

(original work, time-traveler universe)

No one in my family had ever really had a job.

We worked, of course. Running the farm was an entire summer's worth of back-breaking labor. Our portion of the homestead, too, required a lot of work to keep and maintain. When we were away, in another town or another century, we took on odd jobs to keep ourselves fed. In the pre-industrial age, my mother and sister and I took on laundry and mending, while my brother and my father hired themselves out as hands. Sometimes we'd stay for a week, other times for a whole season, but no matter where or when we were, there was always work to be found.

But that was the pre-industrial age. I was beginning to discover that the twentieth century was a lot harder to work around.

"Do you have your social security card?" the woman behind the counter asked.

I was standing in the pleasantly blank hallways of a large department store. The carpet was a dingy peach, and the walls had a magic-eye-like pattern to them. The faint sounds of classical music drifted through the air, piped in from a speaker that I hadn't yet been able to locate.

I shifted uneasily on my feet. "My what?"

"Your social security card," she said. "It's a blue card about this big." She held up her thumb and forefingers about three inches apart. "It's a government document."

"I don't think I have one," I said slowly.

The woman behind the counter popped her gum. "Sure you do. Everyone has one. It's probably at your parents' house."

"Right," I said, already thinking of how I could lay my hands on someone else's. "Can I call them and get back to you?"

"You sure can." The woman blew another bubble and removed the clipboard containing my half filled out job application. "You don't need to start today, do you?"

"I can't start without the card?" I asked. "Really?"

"Yeah," she said. She gave me a sympathetic smile. "It's corporate policy. We get in big trouble if we hire you without it. But don't worry, we've got tons of available positions. Come back with it by next week, and we'll start you on the floor. Okay?"

I pressed my hands flat against the counter, struggling to take deep breaths. "I don't think I'm going to be able to get the card that fast," I said. "My parents... they live out of state."

"They haven't lost it, have they?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea."

The woman stared at me over the counter. Her jaw worked furiously, but her eyes held sympathy. "You can always write to the records office where you were born if your mom can't find it," she said. "Though that's going to take longer."

"I really need this job," I said. "I can't... I don't know if I can wait a week.

The woman tilted her head to the side. I don't know if she sensed my desperation or not, but she must have felt bad for me, because she pressed up on her toes, looking out into the empty hall behind me before rummaging around on the counter for a piece of paper.

"Okay," she said. "You didn't hear this from me, but I've got a friend in town. Her name's Sherri. She owns a little place down by the university. Java and Jams. You ever heard of it?"

I shook my head, and the woman wrote down an address. "Sherri's got a bit of a bleeding heart. You tell her you've got no papers, and she'll probably take you on."

"You think she has a job for me?"

"Fall term is set to start in another week," the woman said. "I know she's got a job from you." She smiled brightly. "Tell her Karen sent you."

"Karen," I said.

She pointed to her name tag and smiled again. "That's right. You take care now, dear. And if you do get your card and you still want to a job, well, give me a call."

She extended a card to me along with the paper she'd written the address on.

"I... thank you," I said.

"No trouble," she said.

Behind me, the sound of footsteps heralded the arrival of someone else. Karen straightened up, smoothing her vest down over her shirt. "Well, miss, if that will be all?"

I glanced at the corner, and a man, heavy-set and wearing a thick tie, came into view. Karen's manager, if the squinty look in his eye and his name badge was to believed. "Thanks for your help," I said, before disappearing down the crowded aisles of the store.

It was a forty minute walk from the mall to the university district in the center of town. On an ordinary day, I would have hated it. But today it gave me some time to think.

Some time to think about how screwed I was, that is. I'd been in the 1985 for three days now, and already my supply of emergency rations was running dry. I hadn't planned to come here, so I didn't have any kind of modern currency on my person. Before my jump, I'd been in pre-colonial America, and the things the Iroquois had traded-- corn and squash and tobacco-- wouldn't get me anything here.

(Also, they were precious difficult to carry; say what you will about the modern capitalist economy, but it did make emergency funds easy to carry around).

I'd lucked into a place to stay, an apartment that was, blessedly, vacant. But if the calendar on the wall was to be believed, the professors that lived there would be coming back, and soon. I had to find a new place to stay, and enough money to buy it with. Not to mention a little extra to buy some food to eat.

My stomach rumbled even as I thought about it, and the sound tempted me to just jump home. To find a nice, shadowy alleyway, cross my fingers, and jump. But even as my stomach begged me to do it, my mind pulled back on the idea.

It wasn't that I didn't have the juice for it; after three days' rest, I had the stamina to jump back five hundred years at least, let alone a paltry one hundred. But the last time I'd jumped, Micah had found me. Not after an hour or a day or a week, but immediately. Within moments of my arrival.

I supposed I was lucky he hadn't turned up here. That I hadn't turned a corner and run smack into him. But even though I was in the clear-- for now-- I couldn't help but worry that by jumping to the Homestead, I was endangering everyone within it. Turning our only safe haven into a trap we couldn't escape.

A shiver rolled down my spine, even in the afternoon spine. I'd jumped with with Micah literally on top of me that last time. His knee had held me down while his hands wrapped around my neck. If I'd been anyone else-- my brother, or my mother, even -- I'd be dead now. I would have been too drained from the last jump to jump away.

But I was a freak among freaks. Damaged almost too far for repair. I screamed and kicked and fought, and somehow I drew in just enough air to pull it down into my middle. To speak the words to send me away.

I hadn't been terribly concerned with where at the time. I certainly hadn't been thinking of 1985. But apparently my subconscious was ready for hair bands and spandex, because here I was.

It wasn't a bad place to be, I told myself, as I turned onto the coffee shop's street. It could have been worse.

The coffee shop was tucked away in a Tudor-style building that looked more like a home than a shop. Though it stood on a relatively busy street, it had a front garden fit for the suburbs. Wildflowers grew in great plumes on either side of the walk. A sign hanging from a wooden post in the yard read "Java and Jams."

I sighed and started for the door.

At nearly four o'clock in the afternoon, the place was almost empty. A man sat behind a bistro table in a corner reading a book and nursing a cup of coffee. A woman with frizzy red hair in a bun swept the floor in the middle of the room.

She looked up when I entered and set the broom down. "Need an afternoon pick me up?" she asked. "Today's special is the Colombian blend."

I wrinkled my nose. "No, no thank you. Are you Sherri?"

She wiped her hands on her apron, red and splattered with what looked like foam. "Who's asking?"

"I'm Allison," I said, putting a hand over her chest. "Karen sent me. From the mall."

Sherri tilted her head to the side, and the resemblance between the women instantly resolved itself. Sisters. They were sisters. "You looking for a job?"

"If you're hiring," I said. "I didn't see a sign."

"I don't advertise much," Sherri said. She sighed and moved behind the counter. "What was wrong with the mall? Don't you want to work in that over air-conditioned tundra?"

I risked a smile and stepped closer. "Karen said she would hire me if I came back with my social security card," I said. "But I... I don't think I have one."

Sherri's eyes flashed wide in alarm. She glanced over my shoulder at the man in the corner. He was still deeply absorbed in his book. "Well then. Have you ever worked in a coffee shop before?"

I suspected that doling out cups to hungry miners in California didn't count. "I've done some food service before with my family," I said. "But not coffee."

"Well." Sherri sucked on her teeth, looking me up and down. She must have decided something, because she nodded once, fiercely. "You seem a good sort. I can give you a try. We can fit in two weeks of training before the poets come back."

"The poets?" I asked.

Sherri's lips spread into a broad, genuine smile. "That's who mostly comes in here, in the first weeks of term. It's poets and novelists, starving and otherwise. They come to discuss literature and human misery. It's all quite dramatic."

I gaped at her, but the sparkle didn't leave Sherri's eyes. "We'll have college students later in the term, too," she said. "They don't usually show up until they've got midterms, though. Are you at the university?"

I shook my head. "Not yet."

Sherri looked at me, thoughtfully. "Well then. Two week trial. Cash okay? We'll do under the table unless you've got a bank."

A sigh of relief bubbled up from my stomach. "Cash is great," I said. "When can I start?"

Sherri untied her apron, pulled it off her neck, and offered it to me. "Right now. There's only an hour until we close up-- summer hours and all that-- but I think I can run you through the basics. Does that work?"

I tied the apron behind my back. "That works," I said. "That works really well."

[thestanceyg]

Darcyland Drabble Race the Second

So here’s my contribution to another drabble race. Again under the cut because there’s a LOT.

Quantum 1 “Oh my god,” Jane said, flopping down on to the couch next to her. “I had forgotten this show was even a thing.”

“It’s my stay home from school sick comfort show,” Darcy said as she pulled her blanket tighter around her. The chills she was experiencing were no joke.

“Man, I wonder how the creators of Quantum Leap feel now? Like…that tech kinda actually exists, even if it’s classified.”

“I don’t think they know about it Jane,” Darcy said with a fond roll of her eyes. “You know, on account of it being classified and all.”

2 “The fuck does this word mean?” her dumbass lab partner asked.

“Which word?” she asked with a put upon sigh.

“Quantum,” he said, pointing to literally the first question.

“Thor wept,” she muttered under her breath before turning to him more fully. “Here,” she said, pointing back to the textbook. “Definition’s right here. I’ll even read it to you. A discrete quantity of energy proportional in magnitude to the frequency of the radiation it represents.”

“No need to be a bitch about it.”

She idly wondered if killing him was a possibility. “Sure sure,” she said, sugary sweet. “Since I’m such a bitch, don’t worry about me helping again.”

3 “I don’t think the quantum physics work that way,” Fitz said with a tilt of his head as he looked at the projection.

“I mean, I didn’t either,” Darcy agreed, joining him, “but I also don’t doubt our modeling software. Something’s happening here that’s unexpected, and that means either we have something wrong, or there’s something we have yet to figure out that’s acting on everything.”

“You know what that means?” he said with a smile.

“More research dates,” she said before kissing the tip of his nose.

“Can’t wait,” he said before claiming her lips.

4 “Quantum Laser Tag is the best!” she yelled, highly offended. “I can’t believe you just besmirched it’s good name!”

“Err, all I said was that laser tag was kinda lame.”

“It is not!” she practically whined. “Okay, dude, maybe you’ve not had good laser tag experiences, but I have to say that does not mean you get to shit on literally the greatest arena in at least the tristate area.”

“You’re…really passionate about this,” he said giving her a look she couldn’t decipher.

“So is this your way of bowing out of our first date?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Hell no,” he said, smiling.

5 “I’m just saying, that the names at this bar are not scientifically accurate,” she complained. 

“Jane. Literally none of us give a shit. We are here to get shitfaced and giggle over our jobs being somehow alcohol themed,” Darcy reprimanded her. 

“I’m definitely having a Quantum Blast,” Helen said, sidling up to the bar.

“Really?” Darcy said giving her a disgusted look. “I mean…there’s something about adding the word ‘blast’ to it that turns me off from it.”

“Fair,” Helen agreed. “But it has triple sec in it and I’m in the mood.”

Darcy tilted her head in acknowledgment of the wisdom.

6 “I promise to never play with the quantum field again if we can just get out of this alive,” Darcy said more to herself than anyone else.

“What?” Scott asked.

“Just promising myself to try and stick to my field in the future should I survive whatever this is.” She gestured to the everything around them that really defied understanding.

Scott nodded. “I wish I could make a similar vow, but it’s kinda my field now. Though this,” he looked around a bit, “is indeed disconcerting. I could, err, try to make it up to you when we get out of here.”

“Are you asking me on a date?”

“Yes?”

7 “Nope. Not happening. I will not be teaching quantum physics as my teaching assignment next semester. It’s not my field. I would have to do my own research just to feel like I was giving the students an adequate course,” she said as soon as the department head had offered her the schedule.

“Well you don’t have a lot of options here. You’re still a candidate and not a post doc so you don’t get to argue with me really.”

“This is some serious bullshit,” Darcy groaned. “But seriously, Johnson would be way better at this. He even has done research in this field.”

“Yes well…”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Darcy groaned. “You’re doing him a favor and I’m the one that has to deal with the consequences?”

Nebula 1 “And if you look here,” the professor droned on as he used his laser pointer, “you can see a nebula that is starting to die.”

“Kinda like me in this class,” she muttered under her breath. The guy next to her laughed, but covered it with a cough. She looked at him and winked, and he honest to Thor blushed. Well damn if that wasn’t the cutest thing that she’d ever seen.

She grabbed a scrap of paper and wrote her name on it and slid it over to him.

He read it and smiled a bit and wrote back.

Fitz. Nice name. She couldn’t wait to be screaming it later.

2 Nebula was very murderous and Darcy kinda loved her for it. It seemed like there was a lot of deep seated anger that the woman was ready and willing to take out on anyone and everyone. You had to love her unapologetic rage. Darcy couldn’t help but admire how she didn’t give a shit if someone thought it made her less attractive because anyone dumb enough to voice that sentiment would probably end up with a knife in them. Was it wrong that she was a little turned on?

That thought made her come up short.

Shit. She didn’t have time for a crush.

3 The fabric technically had nebulas all over it, though the fabric name had the word galaxy. In the grand scheme of things it really didn’t matter, but it annoyed her for some reason. It seemed that all sorts of little things were bothering her lately, and she couldn’t find the reason. Why should she care that she had “galaxy fabric” that was actually nebula fabric? She would make the damn pillow covers and then she could tell her friends it was nebula print. Giving up caffeine had been a bad idea. It made her crabby. She should probably reconsider her idea to stop drinking coffee.

4 Nebula Swirl was possibly the best flavor of ice cream she had ever eaten, and it was looking like she would only be able to eat it for one more month if something drastic didn’t happen. She took her cone and snapped a picture and posted it to Instagram with the tag SaveGalacticCones. Maybe someone would see it and drop some cash their way. It wasn’t their fault that the freak storm had damaged the property and left them paying off heavy repair bills. They deserved to thrive, if for no other reason than it was the ice cream of her youth and she had so little to remember her childhood by.

5 “I don’t research in the Horseshoe Nebula,” she said with a frustrated sigh. “In fact, I don’t even look within a million light years of there. So please explain to me in very small words why you think your project should get any of my grant money.”

“Because I need to fund my research Dr. Witherow said. “It’s as simple as that. I need more funding and you just won a lot of money. There’s no way you’ll need all of it, so umbrella my study under your project and we’ll both win.”

“No, dude, we won’t ‘both win.’ That grant is actually just one of three for my project because it doesn’t cover everything.” Thor save her from entitled scientists.

6 “It looks kind a like a nebula” Jane said as she looked at the giant bruise on Darcy’s hip.

“I guess that’s fitting because the pain is out of this world,” Darcy tried to joke. It didn’t quite come off as carefree as she had hoped, but that was possibly because she was an hour out from her next pain pill and the current one seemed to have mostly worn off.

“Darce,” Jane said with a bit of warning in her voice. “You’re going to let me coddle you because that’s what I need. I think you do too.”

Darcy sighed. “I know.”

7 A burst of nebula like light flashed before her eyes as the hit landed.

She didn’t pass out, but it was a near thing.

“You will do what we want, Dr. Lewis!” the man spit at her.

“No. I won’t,” she argued. “And you hit like a little kid.”

The man’s face turned a red she didn’t realize was possible before he backhanded her, hitting the already blooming bruise from the earlier punch. “I think you will change your mind.”

“I’d rather die.”

“That can be arranged,” he sneered.

“I doubt it,” she countered. “You need me too much. And if you keep hitting my head, it’ll be that much longer before I’m even capable of doing what you ask.”

Vortex 1 Of course it was a solar vortex. Or, at least that’s what she was calling this abomination in her mind. She wasn’t sure what else to call what appeared to be a tornado of sunlight that was leaving a path of fire and destruction behind it. Why couldn’t normal things happen to her?

She would have to blame Jane. Shit like this never happened to her before New Mexico.

Of course, it could also be that this kind of madness would still happen to her even if she had never been an intern, but blaming Jane felt familiar. That woman definitely owed her ice cream for changing her life like this.

2 “It’s not a vortex” Dr. Strange said, the pinched look on his face clearly telling him what he thought of Darcy and her inability to call it whatever name he had given his portal thingy. She knew it wasn’t a vortex. It was just fun to razz him and see him get annoyed.

He was kinda cute when he was annoyed.

Well, he was kinda cute regardless, but his cuteness was focused on her whenever he was annoyed because 99% of the time it was her fault.

It wasn’t healthy, but it was working so she’d deal with the mental health implications later.

3 “I promise you that’s not a tornado,” she said to her storm chasing boyfriend. “I know it looks like one, but, very unfortunately for the entire town of Lawton, it’s actually an anomaly called a temporal vortex.”

“What does that mean, Darcy?” he yelled over the roar of the storm.

“It means that if we don’t get out of the path of that thing we’ll end up in an alternate reality that may or may not include a breathable atmosphere.”

“Right,” he said, his hands tightening on the steering wheel. “I’d like to live to have another date so one storm evasion coming up.”

4 “It’s called The Vortex,” Helen said reverently as she placed what Darcy thought was a fishbowl on the table. It had six straws sticking out of it.

“Why?” Pepper asked, looking at the drink cautiously.

Helen shrugged. “Does it matter? What matters is it tastes like sunshine and amaretto and goes down easy and will get you shitfaced if that’s what you want.”

Jane grabbed a straw and took a long slurp. “I need to get shitfaced and Helen isn’t wrong. I don’t care what’s in the Vortex. It can be made of baby souls and I will keep drinking it. It’s a fucking delight in my mouth.”

5 “I am sick of the Polar Vortex and it’s technically only been here for three hours,” Darcy said as she cuddled more into the blankets and tried to burrow even further into the warmth of her boyfriend.

“I’m not exactly excited about it either,” he agreed, “but at least it means we have guaranteed time together. That’s been a rare occurrence lately.”

Darcy nodded and debated it it was worth getting her arm out of the blanket to grab her hot chocolate.

“Darce?” he asked.

She turned to look at him. His eyes were soft. “I love you.”

Her breath stopped. He hadn’t said that before. Maybe the Polar Vortex wasn’t that bad.

6 “Sedona is weird,” Spencer said with a frown.

“Are you talking about the vortices?” she asked.

“I am,” he said, studying the map they had been given at the little tourism station. “I just. I can’t believe people believe in this stuff.”

“Ehh,” she said. “There’s a lot of shit I wouldn’t have believed in before it happened to me. You know, like Asgardians and such.”

“Maybe,” he agreed with pursed lips.

She pointed to a spot on the map. “Look, that one’s on a trail. We said we were going to do some hiking, so we’ll go there and treat it scientifically.”

He perked up just like she knew he would. “Sounds like a plan,” he said with a kiss to her cheek.

7 “I am a vortex of emotion,” she said before throwing herself on the couch.

Pepper handed her a glass of white wine. “What happened today?”

“He’s just so cute,” she practically whined. “And he has no idea that literally every time I’m talking to him I’m trying to flirt. I swear I used to be good at it.”

“Perhaps Bruce is ignoring it?”

Darcy shook her head. “I don’t think so, but I also hate that idea. Please don’t ever say that again. How can I live if he doesn’t like me back?”

“Do I just attract drama queens, or is there something special about you and Tony?”

Darcy gasped. “How dare you think I’m not special. You take that back!”

Supernova 1 “Why are you listening to Oasis on repeat?” Jane asked as she walked into Darcy’s apartment.

“Not Oasis,” Helen corrected, “Champagne Supernova.”

“Oh, Darcy. No hon.” Jane threw her purse on a chair and went to the kitchen and started going through the freezer. “Okay, here’s the plan,” she said as she came back into the living room. “I am going to make us some very alcoholic fruit slushies, you are going to move on from Oasis to some 90s Alanis, and then you are going to tell us what happened.”

Jane disappeared back into the kitchen and Helen looked at Darcy.

“And then we plot revenge,” she added.

2 “I promise you there was never a Gusher flavor called Supernova Blast. That wasn’t a thing. You need to stop trying to convince me it was. I might be dumb, but I am not that gullible.”

“Aww, babe! Who said you were dumb! I’ll be happy to knock some sense into them.

“Darce, that’s not the point,” Peter said with a whine. “The point is you cannot make me believe it.”

Darcy turned her laptop to show him the Google Image search with Supernova Blast gushers.

“Your reality is so flippin’ weird,” he said as he stared at the screen.

3 “It’s, like, more than a nova. It’s a SUPER nova.”

Darcy just stared at the man in front of her. This was the last time she allowed Clint to set her up on a blind date.

“Riiight,” she said. “Ummm, I’m sorry, but I need to go to the bathroom. Be right back,” she said as she grabbed her purse and praised the heavens that she hadn’t brought a coat too.

She grabbed a waitress as soon as she was out of his line of sight. “Hi, I need to escape a bad date and I will pay you $40 to let me out a back door.”

The waitress grabbed the money. “Done.”

4 “And next up is Supernova!” the announcer roared. Darce waved to the crowd as her name was called. She hadn’t expected to love roller derby as much as she did, but it truly was a life saver. The team was amazing, it allowed for stress relief, and it was something that was just hers. No being in Jane’s academic shadow. No being in her brother’s professional musician shadow. No shadows. Just Darcy.

As they set up for the first jam she looked up to the crowd and saw some signs with her name on them. She had never felt more alive.

5 “Excuse me?” the man at the counter said, “Are you really telling me that you’ve never heard of the Supernovas?”

Darcy gritted her teeth. “Honestly, dude, it doesn’t matter if I have or not. What I asked was whether or not you had any Aquabats.”

“But I can’t let you listen to that when you could be listening to the Supernovas.”

“I think you are missing what exactly your role is here. I came here looking specifically for a present for my brother, and I came to you to help me with it. In exchange, you should be telling me whether or not you have it, not making me want to leave because you won’t stop forcing your terrible bands on me.”

He stared at her in annoyance.

6 She imagined that this was what it must feel like at the center of a supernova. She had never felt so warm and alive and bursting. His simple confession wasn’t something she had ever expected, but it knocked the ice off her heart and had made her realize that she loved him too. She loved him in a consuming way that she hoped would eventually burn down to warm contentment and not eat them alive, but she couldn’t deny that his love had changed her and she could never go back to not knowing how this felt.

7 “You can’t use the supernova attack in this setting!” Steve said.

“I don't’ see why,” Darcy argued. “What’s stopping me?”

“Because that’s not how it’s supposed to be used.”

Darcy made a tsking noise at him. “Stevey, you can’t say that you want to follow the spirit of things here. You knew I was the type of person to always argue I was technically inside of the rules to do crazy shit when you asked me to join your game. So you either let me cast this or you kill me so I can go play with people that enjoy my unorthodox approach.”

“Fine,” he sighed. “Roll please.”

[maximumninjavoid]

Chapter five of “ I STILL don’t know what the feck to call this”

There aren’t even warnings. What the eff am I even doing? Does it really matter?  Well, actually, no. It does not. As we proved JUST the other day, people are publishing absolute CRAP on Amazon about humanized coronavirus  and lord knows what all else and if you don’t believe me, look at some of the stuff Dick Tingle has written and he’s made a fecking fortune.

I hired a guide and went off to see the Palace, and the giant reclining Buddha. She was very well informed, knew all the best spots, and of course, had cousins that drove taxis, and had restaurants. I didn't have any issues stimulating the local economy and employing family. We went to this amazing silk place, I bought several bolts and shipped them to the States. If only I could see the looks on the recipients faces when they got there. I read some more emails from Ms. Rudenko, chuckled to myself at how well she was handling everything and everyone, and had a nasty giggle at the thought of someone trying to bulldoze their way past her. Eventually it was going to get out that I was the lottery winner, but I was going to cherish every moment I could. I called Ms. Rudenko and asked her to give me her professional opinion on a few matters. How big of a donation did one need to make in order to get the charity's celebrity ambassador to come thank you personally? Did you need a big cardboard cheque? How did she recommend I pull this off without looking like a complete stalker? I spent a few more days giggling at the documents in the secure cloud, getting wicked buzzed on Thai iced tea and writing. The words were coming fast and fluid, the dialog writing itself. I'd probably need a bit of professional polish but I really thought I had something I could sell. I needed a transcription specialist who was well versed in hieroglyphics. Admittedly, I had the handwriting of a serial killer. I was pretty certain I would be willing to commit several felonies for a decent cigarette. Didn't this country have some sort of colonial ties to Europe? I mean, didn't almost everywhere? You know, the sun never sets on Queen Victoria's petticoats or some shit? I should be able to find a fucking pack of Dunhills..The intelligence gathering was going very well. It was astonishing how good information gets to the highest bidder, and I am a reasonable beast who guards her information with a deadly ferocity. It was time to face the music, I supposed. I mean, I was going to have to go somewhere eventually. Somewhere where someone was going to put two and two together. I looked pretty good, I had a new wardrobe, I had my own personal pit bull in Louboutin pumps, I could do this. Or, I could just keep checking places off my bucket list and be a chicken shit. A really wealthy chicken shit, but a chicken shit none the less. They finally had a vaccine that worked, and I booked my cruise. One hundred and four days around the world, in a suite with a balcony. Did you know you can rent formal wear? You can. So, compromise. I'll go face the music, and then go jump on a very large ship and let Ms. Rudenko with the fallout. Its what I paid her to do. I went back to work. Remember? I love my job. I also loved hearing how great I looked. I mean, who wouldn't? I did have to turn in my notice. After two days, i felt human, dragged my ass to the airport and went home. House was still standing. Good sign. No break ins. Better sign. I did Grub hub, and went to bed, and I went back to work. Like nothing had happened. I tied up my loose work ends, explained to my boss, who is also a dear friend what the truth was, and started packing for my cruise. I played music I liked, lots of eighties, danced around the house and didn't call or email anybody. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to have to manufacture any bullshit, and it just seemed easier not to, and at some point, Ms. Rudenko would disburse funds, and you know, money speaks volumes, right? In fact, it screams. It screams so loudly that it can in fact get you a meeting with the celebrity ambassador of the Durrell  Conservation, and as it turns out, it will be when  the cruise ship docks. You get to choose. Will it be as you depart, or as you return from 108 days? Well, I mean, what was HIS schedule? For all I knew he was filming something somewhere fun, or chasing down heirloom rosemary and two hundred year old people. Maybe August Walker was getting the feature film he deserved. For all I knew he was filming the latest Bond film. And if he wasn't, well how much did it cost to produce a film? Seed money to get other people to invest their money? Hmmmm. This sounds like a job for Ms. Rudenko. Have you ever been on a cruise? Me either. A certain amount of this was me swallow my fear from the original Titanic movie. I was certain I was going to die like Shelley Winters, stuck in a bulkhead, as the ship goes under, with a Christmas tree jammed up her ass. So I was at the orientation, paying very close attention to the directions, noting ALL the locations of the life boats, and making notes of where the smoking sections are as well. Yeah. I know. All that money and a bloody balcony, and I can't smoke. I can't even use a e cigarette. I wasn't even going to do my usual joke about the fee for smoking in my room and is it a one time fee or every time you catch me? I had my own butler. That was lovely. Sort of like a well dressed version of my mother disapproving of my every move. He did a lovely job unpacking my things, and I noticed all the alcohol had been removed from my state room, and the pillow concierge did a smashing Job, and I'm already on the butler's shit list because I insist on coffee.

Off to explore the ship. There’s literally packets of information and a daily schedule. I don’t think I can persuade my butler for assistance. I have scheduled times for dinner and I have no idea with whom I shall be seated. But the Gentleman Walkers are an actual thing.  Ambassador Hosts. That’s their official job title. they’re specifically there on the ship for single women. Swear to Odin. They’re great dancers, great hosts, play cards, go on excursions, I mean, nice work if you can get it. There were about 2000 people on this ship, I was going to entertain myself and see if I could spot the hosts. This ship was enormous. I was worried about motions sickness, honestly, and we hadn’t gone that far. but this was literally a floating city. I resisted the impulse to do the titanic thing at the bow of the ship, and went down a level and walked down one side and then back up the other.

[astoldbygingersnaps]

On Petco and COVID-19:

I’ve seen a lot of stories and reports about various companies and how they are treating their employees poorly in the wake of COVID-19, but to my surprise I haven’t seen anything about my company, Petco. I suppose it makes sense, given that Petco isn’t as large a company as Target, Starbucks, or Walmart, but I believe people should know what we as partners have been dealing with since the outbreak really picked up steam in the US. 

Before I detail exact what my personal struggle with the company has been, I’d like to make one thing clear: I am a hard worker. I have spent five years of my life--half a decade--dedicating myself to this company. I am both a dog trainer and a keyholder, and I take both of those duties very seriously. Nothing means more to me than taking care of pets and their people, and I pride myself on providing the best care and service to our guests as possible. So when I say that this entire situation is forcing me to abandon my job out of disgust for the way I and my fellow workers have been treated, I want you to understand how much that means. 

I love the work that I do, but that does not change the fact that I, along with many other Petco partners, have been exploited, dismissed, and outright lied to during this crisis. While I understand that we are living in a dangerous and chaotic time that is difficult to navigate, such a fact makes it all the more necessary to treat people with dignity, compassion, and respect. I do not enjoy putting an organization that I have given so much of my heart and soul to on blast, but the events of the previous month have made it clear that Petco as a company does not care whether or not its employees or even its customers are harmed or killed because of their negligence.

For almost a month our concerns have been ignored, belittled, and redirected, and the little action that has been taken has been incredibly delayed and led to even more confusion. Furthermore, we’ve had little clear guidance on what we, as partners who work in retail stores, should be doing to take care of ourselves and our guests. 

It is also worth noting that our CEO, Ron Coughlin, was sending out emails to Petco Pals Rewards members in the beginning of March claiming that stores would be instructed to disinfect and clean regularly, but no such instructions were ever given. We never received any emails or forms of internal communication telling partners on how they should be cleaning, and because of this my own store took time out of our day to develop a cleaning schedule and shared our template throughout the district. Again, this is something we did OURSELVES, NOT something we were explicitly told to do. So, if you don’t care about how retail workers have been treated, at least care that you, as a customer, have been lied to. 

From the beginning, there has been a very clear divide in how store partners have been treated compared to corporate/office workers. While corporate/office workers have the luxury of working from home with full benefits and are allowed to perform social distancing to the CDC’s guidelines, we are not so lucky. Again, I understand this, to a point: because of their positions they are able to perform their jobs from home while we are not. But such a decision was consistently framed as “difficult” and “emotional,” which, frankly, is bogus. What’s so hard about giving your employees access to work from their personal computer? And what’s so difficult for them anyway considering they’re not the ones who have to come in contact with the public day after day?

Through the second week in March, numerous communications were spread throughout the company on our internal Workplace service, each one more inadequate and inefficient than the last. The worst was a ten minute long video where our CEO repeatedly stated that “pets are our main priority” and described over and over again how we simply MUST stay open for our customers. It wasn’t until the very end of the video that any mention was given to partners at all. The entire post was incredibly off-putting and made me, as a partner, feel incredibly undervalued. 

What made things worse, however, were the comments under the video. Floods of partners shared their concerns and disappointments. Many of them cited having young children or older relatives at home, or were immunocompromised themselves, and worried about the danger that working in a retail environment put themselves and their loved ones in. And what was the company’s response? To tell these people over and over to simply “partner with their district manager if they were worried.” That’s it. No direction, no guidance, no words of comfort. Nothing. One person was even accused of simply not having a desire to work rather than, I dunno, A FEAR OF CONTRACTING AND SPREADING A DEADLY ILLNESS. 

The post in question (all names have been blacked out to respect privacy): 

It was some of the most vile behavior I have ever witnessed, both from upper management and lower-level employees like myself who were displaying an almost slavish devotion to a company that was so ready and willing to dispose of them. Multiple people stated they were proud to work for our company in this moment, which was utterly baffling to me, as I had never felt more worthless to Petco than I did seeing those messages.

So! Let’s talk about partnering with your local leader! (Spoiler alert: it’s fucking useless)

On March 15th, my direct supervisor and I made a call to our district leader to “discuss our concerns.” What followed was thirty minutes of our life wasted where we were told the exact same thing as we had been told via the Workplace post: no partner would lose their job for taking time off if they displayed symptoms or came into contact with a person who had COVID-19 (the absolute bare minimum, in my opinion), but they would be required to either take a fourteen day unpaid medical leave or use their personal PTO and sick time to cover the cost. Around this time I was both showing symptoms (dry cough, fatigue, shortness of breath) and learned that my fiancee, whom I live with, came into direct contact with someone with the illness via her work. The possibility of contracting COVID-19 was especially worrying for us, as my fiancee has severe asthma and I have scarring on my lungs from chronic bronchitis; were we to get sick, the consequences could be severe. It’s even more concerning given that the state we live in, Massachusetts, has one of the highest rates of infection in the US and hospitals are in danger of becoming overwhelmed. Therefore, I decided to make what I believed was the most responsible and ethical decision, and went on leave. 

Fortunately, I am lucky; as a full-time worker who has been with the company for many years, I have accrued enough PTO and sick time to cover the weeks that I would be gone for. But many people who work for this company are not so lucky. Many are part-time workers who are not entitled to benefits, and some are full-timers who may have already burned through their paid time off as it resets on the anniversary of your hire date. So now these workers, like many other workers across the country, are being asked to choose between taking care of themselves and their community or putting food on the table. It is absolutely inhumane, especially given that last time I checked our CEO is worth more than two million dollars--yet the rest of us are forced to worry about paying our rent and feeding our families while we do the dirty work on the front lines. 

Since I initially took leave, this has been amended, and employees who have been affected by COVID-19 have been given access to 40 hours of sick time, regardless of their status as full or part-time. But that only covers one week of the mandatory self-isolation period, meaning partners are still at risk of losing money. 

Time and time again we have been told how much our overlords value us. We have been thanked, we have been praised, and we have had so many meaningless words and tiny gestures thrown at us. Sure, our store hours have been cut and we’re offering curbside pick-up to reduce foot traffic in certain stores (my store, a smaller Unleashed location, doesn’t qualify for curbside pick-up, because of our size). Sure, changes have been made to the dog training program to freeze classes and puppy playtime for the time being. And sure, there has been a partner assistance fund opened to support partners in these ~trying times. I applaud the company for making these necessary changes and for putting their money where their mouth is when it comes to donating directly to us.

But in a lot of ways, it’s too little, too late, and so many of these services remain inaccessible to all partners. Hell, partners have even been policed about when they can actually utilize their own personal sick time even though we are in the middle of a global health crisis. 

Even for those of us who have done everything exactly as we were supposed to, we are still getting screwed. Currently, I’m battling with Petco HR to get paid for the first week of my self-isolation as, even though I submitted all my time off requests accurately, none of it was reflected in my paycheck; because we get paid by-weekly, I have yet to see whether my second week will be covered, but I suspect I will have to battle for that as well. As a person who lives paycheck to paycheck in one of the most expensive cities in the country, I quite literally can’t afford this right now. But, of course, the HR team is off work right now because of COVID-19, because unlike us they have that luxury. 

In addition to this, I’ve also been prevented from coming back to work because our Leaves Coordinator now claims I need a doctor’s note to return to work even though I have it in writing, from paperwork directly from the Leaves Department, that I do not, as evidenced here:

I would also like to note that I confirmed that I would be returning to work on the afternoon of March 27th and received an automatic reply that I would hear from a representative in 24 to 48 hours. I did not, in fact, hear back from a representative until March 30st at 11:59pm EST, ten hours before I was scheduled to return to work, as you can see here (again, I am hiding my personal information as much as possible to try and avoid retaliation from my employer): 

While I understand delays given that our HR and Leaves Departments are no doubt bogged down given how many employees are currently in the same boat as me, it does not change the fact that I am suffering because of their lack of action. 

It would be one thing if the facts had been clearly communicated from the very beginning, but as you can see that’s very much not the case. Instead, I’ve been jerked around, lied to, and, again, had my pay withheld. Every day I spend at home fighting with these people is another day of pay I lose and cannot get back. Words cannot express how terrible this whole experience has been. I’ve cried nearly every day and been so anxious and depressed I’ve literally vomited from the stress. All the years I’ve spent building my career and taking care of clients while earning money for this company and this is the thanks I get in return. It is quite literally sickening. 

Throughout this entire process I and many of the Petco employees in my area have been treated like absolute garbage. The stores in our district are running on fumes because so many partners are sick and/or on leave. Employees are running entire stores on their own and not getting breaks because we’re so short-staffed. One store in our district even closed down because a groomer tested positive for COVID-19 leading to the entire store shutting down and being professionally cleaned... and then re-opened almost immediately, causing even more of a burden on the remaining employees scrambling to cover all these near-empty locations. Our technology is over-loaded and crashing because it can’t bear the weight of our increased Buy Online, Pick Up In Stores (BOPUS) and curbside pick-up orders. It’s absolute insanity and it needs to stop. 

I am not the first person to say this, nor will I be the last, but the crisis we are currently experiencing has starkly exposed how broken our economic and social structures truly are. Along with doctors, nurses, and medical care professionals working in hideous conditions to keep the rest of us healthy and safe, the people who contribute the most to our communities are those that have traditionally been looked upon as unskilled and overall less-than: janitors, housekeepers, garbagemen, cashiers, shelf-stockers, etc. Very quickly public perception has turned, and now society as a whole knows what those of us who work these types of jobs have always known: we are essential. We have the power in society. And we should use that power to defend ourselves and each other, which is why I’m writing to you now. By shining a light on the flaws and failings of this company, I believe we can hold them and others like them accountable and demand better, because we absolutely deserve it. 

The bottom line is this: if you care about workers’ rights, if you value the safety and lives of your fellow humans, and if want to slow the spread of this disease that has upended everything we hold dear, don’t go to Petco. Don’t reward this company’s bad behavior with your money because they have proven they do not deserve it. 

[s-j-ace]

The Same Question

Chapter Three

Characters: Shuichi Saihara, Ouma Kokichi

Words: 3360

Summary:

After Detective Shuichi Saihara encounters mysterious thief Kokichi Ouma for the first time, a game of cat and mouse ensues as both men ask themselves the same question. Why exactly does the elusive phantom thief do what he does?

This is Chapter Three, Here are Chapters One and Two

Read on AO3

[Log of Text Messages from Kaede Akamatsu’s Cellular Device]

From: Me

Hey Shuichi! How's it going? I haven't heard from you in a while. I keep forgetting I'm a human person and not a piano machine while I'm on this tour lol.

From: Shuichi! :D

Hi Kaede! I'm sorry! I forgot to check in on how your tour is going, probably because I've been kind of busy myself. How are you?

From: Me

No need to apologize silly 

I'm doing ok

Just craving human interaction that isn't a graceful hand shake or an approving nod rn 

Hey if you've been busy that means you're working another case, right? 

From: Shuichi! :D

Haha yeah I guess.

Or at least I'm trying.

From: Me

👀

You wanna talk about it or is this one still top secret?

From: Shuichi! :D

Uh

Well

I guess there's no client or victim to protect with this one

And there's nothing really stopping me from talking about it

But it's not that interesting to be honest.

From: Me

You're talking to a girl who is on her phone rn to avoid playing hoity toity with a bunch of rich people who like dressing up fancy more than they actually appreciate music :///

Anything is an improvement tbh

From: Shuichi! :D

Haha ok

Well

So like I've been tracking some thieves for a while now.

From: Me

Oooh is this like the Novoselic case?

From: Shuichi! :D

No it's more like a series of robberies than one big robbery.

From: Me

The intrigue,,, 😲😲🤔🤔

From: Shuichi! :D

Anyway it's just a group of thieves

They just robbed this casino and it's a little frustrating

Because I looked at the security tapes and they just kind of…

Walked in…

And the thing about these guys is that they all dress up like clowns

So like it’s literally just eight clowns on the security tape coming in and picking things up and leaving and there’s other people in these videos but no one even looks at them twice????

From: Me

Ffff that’s pretty funny…

From: Shuichi! :D

Hmm.. I’d probably have found it more funny if the owner of the casino hadn’t been crying and shaking me while I watched it. They dropped one of the chandeliers on his car or something.

From: Me

What??? Chandeliers????

From: Shuichi! :D

Yeah, the boss clown dangled these chandeliers off the side of the roof to distract me while these rare videogames were being stolen. Then he broke them when he thought his crew could get away.

From: Me

How is that not interesting??? That’s super intense Shuichi!! It makes me want to play movement three of Moonlight Sonata...

From: Shuichi! :D

Is that the really fast one

From: Me

Yes!!! :DDD

I’ll make a melomaniac of you yet!

From: Shuichi! :D

Does this mean you’ll stop making fun of me for getting a C in music appreciation senior year

From: Me

Oh yeah the real reason we broke up lol

From Shuichi! :D

Haha yeah.

Uh, anyway. With the thieves.

I know they're going to land in Cairo in a few days but I don't know what they're stealing.

From: Me

Hey! Rantarou's going to Cairo tomorrow!

You want me to see if I can get you a ride on his jet?

From: Shuichi! :D

Oh no you don't have to do that

From: Me

Yeah, but I'm going to

Unless you really don't want me to but I think that you do so...

From: Shuichi! :D

I dunno

That would be very nice

I'm a little low on a travel budget and I'm in Reno Nevada right now

From: Me

Oh huh where's that

From: Shuichi! :D

In America, like eleven hours away from where you are

From: Me

So? Rantarou's a trust fund baby he could afford the detour

From: Shuichi! :D

Yeah but also like

I'm pretty sure he hates me?

From: Me

Whaaaaat

Rantarou doesn't hate you

Last time you saw him you literally helped him track down all twelve of his missing sisters

From: Shuichi! :D

Yeah but I just get the vibe that he doesn't like me

From: Me

Shuichi you have social anxiety

---

From: Me

Hey you don't hate my friend Shuichi do you

From: Avocado Hair

Hmmm…

I don’t want to be mean

From: Me

Yeah you don’t >:/

From: Avocado Hair

But I thought he was a little suspicious when I first met him…

Don’t get me wrong, Shuichi’s nice and seems reliable enough

But also he’s your ex and I don’t trust exes of my friends just on principle

From: Me

...

From: Avocado Hair

Listen obviously I think Shuichi is cool now

But also it was kind of sus when he was just creeping around your shows without introducing himself…

From: Me

I invited him to those! >>:0000

From: Avocado Hair

Yeah, I know that now

He’s a nice guy alright? Really, I do owe him one

Or twelve hah

From: Me

Great! You’re picking him up from Nevada tomorrow

From: Avocado Hair

I'm doing what now

From: Me

From: Avocado Hair

So Nevada, huh?

---

From: Shuichi! :D

Yeah but also sometimes I'm right when I think people hate me

Having social anxiety does not make that not true

From: Me

I set everything up :)) he says you're a cool guy and he'll call you when he lands in Reno

From: Shuichi! :D

Oh

That's very nice of him

From: Me

Shuichi Rantarou owes you like 12 life debts

From: Shuichi

Finding missing persons is my job, it’s hardly something to owe a life over

From: Me

Shuichi it was 12 missing persons 

My mans Avocado lost track of twelve whole sisters and you found all of them and now you think he's capable of hate??? smh 😔

From: Shuichi! :D

I'm sorry okay?

From: Me

You don’t need to be!!!

--- 

    Shuichi Saihara found himself, one week after the heist in Reno, on practically the other side of the world. He was  blending in with the scattered crowd of tourists circling around the new exhibit at The Museum of Egyptian Antiquities in Cairo, Egypt. As he looked into the wide-eyed, gilden face of a newly dug up sarcophagus, Shuichi struggled to convince himself that this wasn’t a complete waste of time. Interpol and the Boulaq Police Department certainly seemed to think it was... 

Back in Paris, Interpol hadn’t ended up giving Shuichi access to DICE’s next encrypted letter of intent. Instead, after Shuichi gave his testimony to the Paris Police and the investigation was essentially wrapped up, it seemed like Agent Kiyotaka Ishimaru decided to make an appearance just to have the pleasure of yelling at Shuichi about how many protocols he would've just broken if he were actually beholden to the employment of any law enforcement agency. 

… okay that wasn't a fair characterization of Agent Ishimaru. He was a nice enough guy. He just wasn't as disillusioned with the authoritarian reality of national militias given power by systems of government forged when people still thought eating your own vomit cured smallpox. One time he gave Shuichi a juice box, and some cookies his husband made, before chewing him out, so that was pretty nice. Although maybe that was only because Shuichi had just gotten lightly stabbed by an internationally wanted drug dealer…

    Regardless, Agent Ishimaru was far from pleased that Shuichi was “performing acts of covert vigilantism again,” despite the fact that Shuichi had absolutely no idea DICE was even on the flight and therefore his reactionary investigation didn’t include anything illegal, such as stalking, that would be classified as unlawful vigilantism without the backing of the appropriate law enforcement agencies. 

When Agent Ishimaru was done giving a speech about Shuichi’s naivete, he ordered him to get off the case. Luckily for Shuichi the Paris Police thought he was with interpol because of this exchange, and they let him look at security tapes and flight records from the two closest airports. He’d been able to deduce their arrival at Reno, but wasn’t able to figure out what DICE’s mark would be until the heist was already under way. He’d just barely been able to stop them from stealing every single vintage game console from the Silver Legacy Resort. 

    After looking at tapes from the Reno-Tahoe International airport too, Shuichi had been able to deduce DICE’s next destination was Egypt, but Egypt was a country and had a lot more national landmarks than Nevada did and honestly Shuichi didn’t even know where to start looking for possible burgleables. Rantarou, a friend of Kaede's who was nice enough to give Shuichi a ride to Cairo, had asked him to check out the Museum of Egyptian Antiquities first. 

Apparently Rantarou's family could trace parts of their bloodline back to old money European families which had partaken in the awful rich people trend of the 16th century where they would just rob graves in Egypt and eat parts of mummies. As a result, they had a bunch of artifacts that didn't belong to them, so Rantarou often made trips to Egypt to return as many as he could. Right now a lot of those artifacts were getting packaged to be shipped to the Grand Egyptian Museum in Giza, because the Museum of Egyptian Antiquities was due to be superseded by it next year. He was off somewhere mixing with Museum staff while Shuichi took stock of all the possible entrances around the exhibit. 

    The museum was rather crowded, and as a couple walked up behind him, Shuichi suddenly felt that he was very obviously blocking the view of the sarcophagus display he was in front of. He muttered an apology and moved away, turning around to look at a vase closer to the corner rather than the center of the room. Like most of the artifacts on display it was in a glass case, which Shuichi had noticed seemed to be of the make and model of the kind rigged up to a silent alarm system of some sort. If the cases were opened, the guards in the security booth near the front of the museum would most likely be notified. Although, the exhibit pieces in the cases themselves didn’t seem of much note to Shuichi. There were, of course, priceless artifacts held up on stands or splayed out on ornately embroidered mini-rugs inside the cases, but none of it quite seemed to fit DICE’s MO. Maybe he could look into the other exhi...bits….

    Shuichi’s train of thought trailed off as he noticed that on the other side of the vase he was looking at stood a young woman in a headscarf who he could tell was giving him a weird look. 

    Shuichi’s inner voice made a noise that would have sounded like, “Hghhhhhh” if he were speaking out loud.

Was he in front of something again? Did he have something on his face?

    Okay maybe she wasn’t looking at him and he was just being weird.

    His gaze flitted up to momentarily take in the heavily makeuped face and he instantly found himself locking eyes with the very familiar dark purple irises of a complete stranger.

Shuichi did a double take as he realized that this was not, in fact, a young woman.

Wait, did he really know that? Maybe he had just assumed the thief was a guy. Shuichi squinted. How do you ask an internationally wanted thief their pronouns?

“What pronouns do you use?” Ah okay, like that. Thanks for nothing internal filter.

“His majesty/His imperial highness,” The thief replied automatically as if he already knew what Shuichi was going to ask them and had remarks prepared. “Rat/rat bastard are also acceptable.”

Shuichi took that to mean that the thief wouldn’t be offended if he referred to him with masculine terms. Ugh, wait what where was his head at right now? 

Shuichi began to maneuver around the vase to apprehend him, but as he moved the thief moved at the same time, so it ended up looking like they were playing ring around the rosey with the vase display.

Shuichi stopped. The thief stopped too. 

He started going around the other direction. So did he.

They stopped again.

While maintaining eye contact, Shuichi attempted to discreetly move his hand into his pocket so that he could text Rantarou that a robbery was definitely happening right now. He had gotten pretty good at typing on his phone without looking, but as he slipped his hands in his pocket the thief’s eyes followed.

If he considered that Shuichi might have been reaching for a weapon, he sure didn’t look it. The man’s posture was relaxed and as he watched the grin on his face widened impossibly.

“Is that a phone in your pocket that you’re using to discreetly notify the authorities of my presence, or are you just happy to see me?”

Uh.

Shuichi sent the text -- he had managed to type out a simple “HELP” to his most recent contact, which was probably Rantarou -- and quickly pulled his hands out of his pocket. He maneuvered them instead into a placating gesture, glancing around at the trickle of visitors wandering through the exhibits around them.

“I… Don’t want to cause any unnecessary alarm…” Shuichi started to say as he tried to think of any way to de-escalate this conversation.

“Oh, trust me,” The thief began in an earnest tone that Shuichi definitely knew not to trust. “Neither do I.” 

Suddenly, the glass case lifted up and Shuichi realized the thief had somehow managed to pick the display case lock during their impromptu round of ring around the rosey. Which hopefully set off an alarm of some sort?

Yet as Shuichi glanced around he couldn’t spot any form of security in between tourists, none of whom seemed to see what was happening. Or maybe it didn’t register as suspicious to them? 

It certainly registered suspicious to Shuichi, who was now looking directly at the thief’s heavily makeuped face. He didn’t look anything like the first time Shuichi saw him, except for the facial expression that seemed to indicate he could just decide to pull out a knife or jump off an airplane at any moment. Shuichi had only a moment to connect this expression to that of the black and white cat that kept knocking over the potted plants on Kaito and Maki’s balcony before the thief’s hand was raised and already coming down on the ancient vase. The priceless artifact took a nosedive off its display pedestal, and Shuichi dove to catch it. 

Thankfully, Shuichi managed to grab the vase out of the air in the nick of time, just careful enough to prevent it from shattering into a million pieces on the floor. Not so thankfully, Shuichi was the one who fell on the floor instead. He hit the ground, but hey! At least the vase was fine! Then again the natural oils on his hands probably weren’t especially helpful in the grand scheme of the artifact’s preservation…

Shuichi moved to stand up, but froze as he realized that every eye on the room was on him. 

Uh. Okay. Time to. Not. Freak out about that. Yep. 

Oh shit oh shit oh shit they were all looking at him what if they thought he was-

Wait. Where did DICE go?

Shuichi heard a loud, sharp sound, and turned instinctively. He found that the thief had stepped behind him at some point, and had backed up to blend in with the rest of the crowd. As the sharp sound repeated, Shuichi came to the realization that the thief masquerading as a young girl had clapped. And now the man behind him was clapping to, and the woman behind him, and the lady behind her and almost instantaneously Shuichi came to the realization that the whole room was clapping, and that it was a distraction. As the clapping continued, the thief stood still as curious museumgoers pushed forward in the crowd to figure out what was going on in this corner of the display.

The thief was disappearing from view. Now was his chance.

In the brief instant Shuichi and the thief locked eyes, the detective saw his challenge. That it was not only a challenge, but a question. 

Will you drop everything to chase after me?

He had to make the decision now.

Shuichi chose to stand up to his full height and turned to place the vase safely back into the display case, closing it back up.

He wouldn’t make the same mistake he made in Reno, chasing after the man whose face he knew rather than keeping in mind the nine other just as capable operatives. He was starting to learn that DICE always seemed to take two steps ahead, and that if Shuichi wanted to do something it was most likely something that would benefit their plans. So he resisted the single-minded urge to chase the thief in to instead take the preventative measure of scanning the nearby displays for anyone trying to take advantage of the distracted crowd. 

He didn’t even watch as the thief disappeared into the crowd, and instead pulled out his phone. 

Rantarou had replied very helpfully to his “HELP” text with a carefully chosen one word reply. 

---

[Log of Text Messages from Shuichi Saihara’s Cellular Device]

From: Rantarou Amami

What

From: Me

Sorry

Don’t panic

But I am fairly certain that this museum has just been robbed

From: Rantarou Amami

...

what

    From: Me

    Uh

    It’s a lot to explain

        From: Rantarou Amami

    Just call me

    You were in a call with Rantarou Amami that lasted 38:56.04

     From: Rantarou Amami

    Hey is that interpol guy done yelling at you yet

        From: Me

    Oh geez

    Did you hear all that?

    From: Rantarou Amami

    I mean like

I got the gist of it

And the gist of it seemed to be

“Shuichi! Stop being such a good detective! You’re making me look bad!”

From: Me

Oh haha

I guess that was something along the general theme

I’m not really a better detective than him though

He’s just the kind of guy whose like 

RULES NEED TO BE FOLLOWED BECAUSE I DO NOT QUESTION AUTHORITY

But also I think his husband is like in a biker gang or something

From: Rantarou Amami

Come on Shuichi give yourself some more credit there

If you’re not a good detective that means that at best I’m an awful one

You found twelve missing people in one week who I had been searching for for five years

Also you literally just stopped a museum robbery

From: Me

Oh, sorry I don’t mean to be like weirdly self deprecating

But also I would contest the fact that I stopped a museum robbery with the evidence of the fact that the museum definitely still got robbed

From: Rantarou Amami

Yeah but like

The only part of the museum that didn’t get the carpets stolen from it was the room you were in

Which literally had the most valuable rug in the whole building in it

Like seriously even the carpet built into the floor of the gift shop was stolen

Also you saved that vase

One of the anthropologists here almost cried when he saw that girl push it over in the tape

From: Me

That is weird isn’t it

I think the rug being an actual exhibit might’ve been why DICE didn’t go for it

That’s not their typical MO

From: Rantarou Amami

Wow… that compliment dodge tho…

From: Me

Oh

uh

Sorry

From: Rantarou Amami

You’re good man

Hey do you need a ride back to the hotel

Shuichi?

Hello?

…

From: Me 

Oh sorry, I was doing some research 

I can get back to the hotel on my own

From: Rantarou Amami

Ok, cool

From: Rantarou Amami

Hey just checking in again, did you get back to your room okay?

From: Me

Oh, yes I’m here

Actually I was just about to text you too

I’m sorry to ask so much of you Amami

But could you possibly drop me off in Taipei on your way home tomorrow?

[zontiky]

The Five's Store au we were talking about?

yesssss the good kush. gonna do this in bullets because i feel like it might get long. jsyk i didn’t read through literally any of this so for whatever typos i made sorry lmao

five wakes up one day (post apocalypse) and thinks hey, you know what would be a completely rational and not at all impulsive idea to follow through with.

that’s right folks. 

he’s gonna start a store.

the thing here is, five has absolutely no idea how business functions. sure he’s been part of a massive organization for years, but actually doing like,, store things? lol what

but that doesn’t matter because he’s gonna have a store and he can learn as he goes, no big deal

it’s a very big deal. five does not know how to manage a store.

it’s literally just called “five’s store.” how did he fund it? when did they build it? nobody knows. it’s like those fast-food restaurants that just pop up one night and you have no clue how they got there.

so. five’s got his store. this is nice. he didn’t actually know what he wanted to sell, but because his siblings couldn’t talk him out of this (read: they didn’t know it was happening until it was too late) they suggest things

baked goods! bicycles! books! postcards! writing materials! furniture! shut up klaus nobody is selling what you’re about to suggest shUT UP-

so five decides, fuck it, and just. shoves everything into this store. how? i don’t know. nobody does.

i literally have no ideas how stores work so im playing all of this by ear (vanya if you’re out there) but five also doesn’t know how stores work so it’s all good. gucci, if you will. five has probably stolen gucci before, for a mission or something idk just a thought

so five has his store but he’s so bad at managing it. first off, hiring employees didn’t occur to him. it’s just five in a building

customer: *walks in* hello can i have a cake pleasefive: sure :) five: *gives them a pie*customer: little boy, who do you think you are? i said a cakefive: cake? oh shit you’re right, sorry.five: *gives them a breadroll* :)customer: what a rude little boy! let me speak to your manager. is it even legal for a teen to be employed?(he passes as 15 ok props to aidan for being older than his character’s physical age lmao)five: ok *walks out into the back room* *walks back in* hi what can i help you with

the kids love him though. it’s always “mommy when can we shop at five’s again?” etc etc and five is like. shitposting irl. without realizing. he genuinely doesn’t know the difference between types of cheeses. he can’t tell you how an LED is different from a fluorescent bulb. he actually, literally, doesn’t know this shit.

why is he in charge of a store? fuck if i know, but im having fun with this

the siblings try to help out, but it ends with five kicking them out because they were “arranging the cacti wrong” or “messing with the bathroom toilet covers too much” 

what are bathroom toilet covers? idk but we have them in my house and we only use them for christmas theyre the worst. imagine a fucking snowman staring at you everytime you want to take a shit. goodluck

five loves his store dearly tho

from offbrand cream cheese to onbrand sweatervests.

hm luther probably tries to help with the gardening section once in a while. he comes in and immediately has to hold back tears because “five when was the last time you watered these begonias.”

‘oh last week probably i dont know’

“five you have to water them at least once a day”

‘how was i supposed to know that’

“five you OWN a STORE-”

so yeah luther just. silently looms in the corner. watering plants. he scares asshole customers away even though he never says anything he just stands there. and waters the plants. some nice ladies initiate conversation and he just goes off about plant things which is so valid i love him

he’s like hargid but less rough around the edges. friendly giant. bfg but with plants. five never comments on how he takes a plant home occasionally. 

diego sticks around the cutlery for reasons well known. he always tries to take knives home, to sharpen them, he claims, but five draws the fucking line there.

im making it sound like five owns some massive corporate building. no. his store is like a very compact IKEA. it has everything an ikea would, but it’s barely the size of a target. actually targets are pretty big. walmart maybe? dollar store? bigger than a dollar store though. hmmm just an average department store

lowes. that’s it. it’s like an ikea but the size of a lowes. five owns a lowes called Five’s Store. 

okay so allison’s sole purpose is to stand outside and offer free autographs. she basically bribes people into going in. it’s like walmart. as soon as you go in you physically can’t go out without buying something. 

jk she also helps five with his customer service because what the fuck it’s terrible. also funding. she’s a rich actress. all of them have an inheritance probably though, but five didn’t want to use reggies money because this is all a really huge “fuck you” to dad. cheers to him. 

OH MY GOD ALLISON PROBABLY SHOOTS ADS FOR FIVE’S STORE (in future mentions will be abbreviated to FS for my convenience) AND THAT’S HOW THEY GET TRACTION YES

klaus and ben kinda uhhhh hang around. klaus is kicked out by five a lot because “don’t touch that” “get your hands off” “where did you get a chainsaw? put that down, klaus stop-” and all that usual average stuff, but when they need it klaus is willing to be a cashier for a little bit

ben is the only one with like. actually useful tips. 

ben voice: no that’s not how you purchase items to sellfive: ???ben: here okay just go do something else and let the adults handle the money okay?

five can’t punch ben because he’s dead so HA. klaus probably makes ben corporeal though rip

ooo ben can also shelve things with his interdimensional wiggly worms! he can reach those high high shelves that have packaged stuff on them.

…costco? no i dont think FS is as massive as costco moving on

ben shelves stuff. we are eternally grateful for that. bless

vanya is the only actual competent adult you guys know this right. like sure the rest of them come CLOSE (mainly ben and allison, but ben doesn’t really count because he’s dead) but vanya is the only actual competent adult in this family (pogo dni)

so vanya does the taxes. rip to her. nobody likes taxes, but she’s taking one for the team

diego helps sometimes. tries to help sometimes. he brings her coffee does that count

kidding, diego knows how to taxes a little bit. emphasis on the “little” and “bit” and the silent “barely”

so yeah they all help out and i know i said five kicks them all out but i lied that never really happens. the store is like their side job but they’re not paid and it’s more of a hobby that got out of control

honestly five probably brings grace in and she bakes away because it makes her so happy that her cookies can make so many people happy. let her bake please.

claire probably owns an easy bake oven. just saying

yeah five has a store and it’s the literal best thing. it’s midnight so im gonna cut myself off but skjfsk this au is amazing thank you spencer for this golden concept

im gonna be honest all of this really reminds me of my mcdonalds five au which i might ramble about if requested lol

[krinsbez]

GI Joe: Remixed, Viper Leaders 1

More OCs by Night_stalker, in this case, the bosses of various Viper cadres

(It was very fun trying to make it fit when we found out one of the Viper-types already HAS a boss)

TELE-VIPER LEADER:

Name: Kyu-Hwang, along with many usernames online. Codename: Gwisin DoB: Unknown Former Affiliation: Bureau 121 Orientation: Het Bio: Little is known about Kyu's past, but given his past affiliation, one can make some guesses. The fact that he also has a fondness for snapping to attention whenever a superiro comes by, and is a bit rickety makes one suspect North Korea was involved in some way. That said, he's not your sterotypical nerd. Suave, charismatic, ruthless, bit paranoid.... Kyu is one part hacker, one part cat manager, as having to run a department of IT personnel in a terrorist organization does tend to turn off the actually qualified people from turning up in person. Hobbies: Movie pirating, Coffee roasting, Cooking, and Tai Chi.

LASER-VIPER LEADER:

Name: Adrian Townes Codename: Rytov DoB: April 28th, 1965 Former Affiliation: US Army Corps of Engineers ERADC Orientation- Homosexual Bio: Born into a family that had lasers in their blood, Townes was fascinated by them. In fact, he could say he was all but in love with them. Getting appointed to the Army Corps of Engineers was his dream, where he started looking at the applications of lasers on a smaller scale then his comrades. While they tinkered with making lasers able to shoot down Ivan's ICBMs, he looked at fitting them inside tanks, if not smaller. However, finding funding for laser armed tanks and such, even in the 80s was difficult, to say the least.  Matters were not helped considering that while he was incredibly gifted when it came to developing lasers, he was less then skilled at interacting with others, or with what he termed "Petty minded bureaucrats seeking only to further their own power". When the 90s came around, he found himself out of a job, the laser projects all being put into cold storage. Faced with the prospect of his life's work being left to rot in some musty filing cabinet, Adrian started making the rounds of the Pentagon's higher ups, as well as the GAO. His arguments, while very technically impressive and certainly promising quite a lot of things, well, were considerably out of touch with fiscal reality, as well as the political realities. Left fuming in a dead end post, mostly being spent watching over the laser projects in cold storage, Townes heard of Cobra's announcements, and decided this was the means to affect revenge, while also finally vindicating himself. The fact that, as an added bonus, he could likely turn his weapons against his hated rivals in the Pentagon was, in his mind, icing on the cake. Hobbies: DiY Electronics, 3D Printing, Caligraphy, and Kombucha brewing.

RANGE-VIPER LEADER:

Name: Venus Callahan Codename: Ishtar DoB: Asking a Lady her age isn't polite. Much less a ex SF Lady with more guns then employees. Former Affiliation: Canadian Airborne Regiment Orientation: Hetero Bio: Venus had a relatively normal life in Canada. Growing up in the frozen wilderness, Venus learned how to clean a rabbit before she could walk, and viewed icy temperatures as "Bit nippy". Shockingly to literally nobody, she signed up to be a officer in the Canadian Army, where she rose up the ranks due to her jocular personality, as well as being able to set a personal example for many of the men to live up to. That said, she was given one of the tougher assignments in the army, namely, the famous, or depending on who you asked, infamous, Canadian Airborne Regiment. Unfortunately for her, she was assigned to it barely before the infamous Somali Affair occurred, which meant that when the resulting inquriy occured, she was one of the victims. Naturally, being the most junior officer present who could be held accountable, she was thrown under the bus as much as possible. Being "suggested" that she resign in order to avoid a lengthy court martial that would probably lead to a lot of unsavory details being outed, well, it doesn't inspire loyalty in one towards their government. Holding a grudge against the government and establishment that had tossed her aside so easily, Venus signed up with Sandline International. When that was shut down in the early 2000s, she signed up with MARS Industries, but didn't quite fit in. Her once jocular personality had turned acidic over the years, and while her skills hadn't degraded any, well..... There were certain topics one didn't bring up around her. Or in earshot. Or someplace gossip might reach her about it. So when Cobra started headhunting, HR for MARS pitched her over so fast it was a miracle she even realized what was happening. That said, she seemed to fit in like she'd been born for the role. Her skills, combined with a refusal to take shit from literally anyone, and backing up that stance with the threat of stranding them in the middle of the Arctic, buck naked, well, it got results. Hobbies: Archery, Stamp Collecting, Gardening, Latin Dancing, Trainspotting, and Hunting. 

SNOW SERPENT LEADER

Name: Otto Koskinen Codename: Wendigo DoB: November 11, 1975 Former Affiliation: UTJR Orientation: Bisexual Bio: Formerly a Finnish sniping instructor, Otto ended up leaving the army under circumstances he's refused to reveal. That said, people suspect it's tied to his fondness for eating almost anything, and a shrink's diagnosis of him basically being a sociopath with some severe mental hangups. Shockingly, he seems to get along well with the Snow Serpents, which has helped make him the leader of those frosty psychopaths. Hobbies: Skiing, Trail Skating, Ballroom Dancing, Model Trains (N Scale), and Sewing.

EEL LEADER:

Name: Ro Yun-Soo Codename: Selkie DoB: November 18th, 1984 Former Affiliation: Republic of Korea Navy Special Warfare Flotilla Orientation: Asexual, formerly heterosexual Bio: Ro grew up in a small fishing village on Baengnyeongdo Island, the only child of a fisherman and his wife. A few years into her young life, her mother died from a North Korean artillery barrage, leading her father to bring her along on his fishing vessel to keep her safe. There, she grew to love the ocean, and hate North Korea with a passion. These passions led her to join the Navy, where she excelled in diving and swimming, leading to her transfer to the Special Warfare Flotilla. She had a promising career ahead of her, even had a fiance who was an RoK Marine assigned to the Flotilla as a liason. Then it all fell apart in a manner of weeks. Her fiance was struck and killed by a drunk driver, at first. Then she was discharged from the Navy due to what she has described only as "office politics". The final straw was her father dying in yet another North Korean artillery barrage, just a week after her discharge from the Navy. Furious at the world, and the Norks most of all, she joined Cobra, where her talents had her assigned to the Hydro-Viper program. Hobbies: Rowing, Wrestling, Chess, Starcraft, and Fishkeeping.

MORAY LEADER:

Name: Secondina Vespa Codename: Lemure DoB: December 12th, 1982 Former Affiliation: COMSUBIN Operational Raider Group Orientation: Bisexual Bio: Growing up in Sicily, Vespa learned to take crap from nobody, and that above all else, family came first. Unfortunately for her, this proved to be a dangerous combo when, years into her naval career, her brother was revealed to be a member of the infamous Motsi Mafia Clan. This naturally sank her career faster then a crash diving submarine, but thanks to her brother's career, some doors were opened up for her. Turns out the Mafia saw some benefit in a diver who was combat trained and would have no qualms helping to smuggle cargo or loot shipwrecks. Though after awhile, her brother vanished. Well, to be fair, depending on who you asked, he said he was going off to the cafe with some friends, and would be right back, or said something like "I gotta get out of town, they're after me man". Shockingly, without a brother who was a Capo, people who are openly bisexual don't tend to last long in the Mafia. That said, she wasn't stupid enough to be unprepared this time around, and on her way to the local airport, swung by the local Carabinieri ROS office to drop off a thick file of evidence for their perusal. Her bridges by now more then thoroughly torched, she fled to the Florida Keys, doing mercenary diving work for local OC. This came to the attention of a Cobra headhunter, who also saw that she had no quarrels with body alteration, or at least didn't totally read that employment contract well enough, and she was slated for the Moray program in no time at all. Hobbies: Wine tasting, Audiophile, Magnet Fishing, and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

HYDRO-VIPER Leader:

Name: Brad Thor Codename: Leviathan DoB: August 21, 1969 Former Affiliation: USMC Force Recon Orientation: Het, married to a Nitro-Viper. Bio: Once a Marine Force Recon captain, Thor ran into hard financial times. Desperate to earn money to pay off some debts, he made a deal with Destro. Unfortunately, Destro didn't show, but rather a NCIS team, who arrested him. While enroute to his new prison, he reached out to Cobra, and requested a job. This was granted, and before long, he was assigned into the Hydro-Viper program. Of course, he requested it on the grounds of it being the one he was least likely to interact with Destro with, and also suited his talents the best. As luck would have it, he even met his future wife while in the basic Viper program's bootcamp. Of course, she was a Nitro-Viper, so it turned out great for all involved. His loyalty was cemented, and she got a loving husband to help get her over the last husband's untimely demise at the hands of faulty Destro merchandise. Hobbies: Fantasy Basketball, Glass Sculpting, Poetry, and Drama.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Infrastructure

I see a lot of how the NHS works, pretty obviously. I’ve been working in NHS hospitals for much of my professional life, with a couple of stints in private hospitals along the way (and like one year working for a medical publication until they reshuffled my job into oblivion, but never mind). I see a lot of its issues. Not the obvious surface issues - though I see those too, as an end user. What I see is the deeper infrastructural issues that really underline the issue with the current funds or lack thereof that they receive. See, it’s not just “we have no money so we can’t buy things”. It’s also “we have no money so we cannot update and repair our outdated, flagging infrastructure”.

A lot of things are getting brought to light because of this pandemic. One of the main ones is working from home. Now, with good, solid online security, it should be perfectly feasible to do my job from home. I shouldn’t have to truck literally across the city to do this. Hell, I could do my job while symptomatic if it wasn’t for the whole “going into a hospital with COVID-19 symptoms could infect a whole lot of people and probably kill a few, never mind all the people I’d be in contact with on public transport”. But obviously you need really solid online security because you’re dealing with patient information, which is some of the most sensitive information you can get on someone.

The thing is ... the NHS doesn’t have robust online security ... or a particularly robust IT system in general. It tries. Gods help it, it tries. But the only thing it’s allowed to do as a body is effectively paper over the cracks. It’s running on outdated hardware, outdated software ... in some cases incompatible software. In at least one hospital in which I worked, to do one job, you had to be in two separate bits of software, one of which was severely outdated with a clunky white-on-black no-mouse user interface ... and they couldn’t make it link up with the newer software so instead of getting a software redesign that combined the two into one user-friendly package, they oblige people to struggle with both interfaces and if even one of those systems is down, you’re boned.

Then there are the printers. See, in an effort to save money, a lot of the hospitals in which I work got new shared printers, so you could have fewer of them. You access them by swiping your ID badge and print / scan / copy / whatever. However, unfortunately, those new printers were the cheap crappy ones where the ink canisters tend to leak, the paper feeds tend to jam, and most of all, having one printer (maybe two if you’re lucky) for the entire department, kept in a central area? It costs in sheer man-hours. You want to print something? You have to set it to print, pray it actually goes through the clunky server, go to wherever the printer hides, swipe your ID badge, start your printing process, and pray - pray that the ladies in the next office over didn’t use the last of the paper, or the last of the ink; pray that there’s not a paper jam because the only paper we’re allowed is cheap crap; pray that the rollers don’t need cleaning again because it takes IT about a week to deal with something that minor.

There needs to be a total sea change in terms of how and where the NHS spends its money from the perspective of the infrastructure alone ... but it’s never going to happen. Why? Because, again, the NHS does not get enough money. Proposals that might really help the infrastructure of the service and would save money in the long run are effectively vetoed because there’s too much initial outlay involved. No one can see the big picture. I mean, if we had really robust online security, more people could work from home. They could get dedicated typists - people like me - to clear the backlog with no distractions or interruptions, and it would save scads of time. If we invested in really good printers, or proper upgrades to the servers, software and desktop computers on a fairly regular basis, we wouldn’t lose so many man-hours to crashes and other IT issues.

Maybe this is a stupid thing to be thinking about at this particular point. Still, it’s fair. We could probably manage social distancing a lot more if administrative ‘key workers’ (which, let’s face it, we are) could work from home. Less pressure on public transport, fewer people having to risk spreading the virus just to keep vital services running from the administration end. Plus it would have long-term benefits for the NHS as a whole - people seem to tend to be happier when they don’t have to commute to an occasionally hostile work environment that ... frankly, some of the maintenance in the administrative areas is ... lacking? I guess? To be nice about it?

Point is, it’s never going to happen. Not to suggest that front line improvements aren’t important - they are, vitally so. I just imagine that those have the same infrastructure issues as the back end, and honestly, the foundations of the entire service need to be shored up at a base level. Unfortunately, the NHS never gets the money to do more than vaguely paper over the cracks ... and often not even that.

Someone once told me that the NHS gets “so much money” and that meant that lack of money couldn’t be a problem. Of course, she was a proud Tory and Brexit supporter, so I guess that tracks.

Don’t mind me. This is just me bitching because I’m still a bit feverish (it comes and goes), my lungs still hurt, it’s a beautiful day outside and I would honestly rather be working than be here ... but I don’t want to kill anyone with COVID-19 just because I’m going a bit stir-crazy grumpy.

[theworldaccordingtotimmycap]

The United States of America is burning.

We are literally living through a text book chapter right now, and it is a very scary one. The entirety of 2020 has been an apocalypse from the threat of WWIII in early January, to a global pandemic which has forced billions of people inside and massively hurt the world economy. Add murder Hornets to the mix and the year has been crazy and we are only half way through it. But that is a mute point now. Racism has unfortunately reared its ugly head again.

With the murder of an other unarmed African American man, George Floyd, by a police officer, we can see all the anger bubbling to the surface. People were locked inside for three months and then this tragedy happened. Of course people are going to protest, of course people are going to riot. We should! The system is broken, the system is rigged, the fucking system has a systemic problem and is built to keep the disenfranchised disenfranchised. The "war on drugs" was literally met to keep anti-war hippies and young black people in jail. The system is designed to keep criminals criminals. The system only works for people like me unfortunately.

But of course it does. Why wouldn't it work for people in power. And that esasterbates the problem. The leads of this country are disconnected from the people. They are disconnected from the issues and will never truly understand what is happening. They can't understand because they are too busy campaigning for their next election or going to fundraisers or doing whatever Congressman and Senators do that isn't their job. And they fund the police for "the protection of the people." But they use the military industrial complex to fund the police. Why do police departments need tanks and automatic weapons? Do they really need to be dressed like soldiers? For our protection? Fuck no. But the money has to go somewhere and it's not going to go to social programs.

Which leads to my main point. Our president is trying to create an authoritarian state. How else do you explain declaring war on protesters? You do not use armed forces to put down riots and protests. This is literally one of the reasons we fought a war in 1776. Like how fucking ignorant of history do you have to be to not see how threatening to kill unarmed civilians for protesting or rioting. The only rulers who've done it were not known for their diplomatic skills, they were known for killing their own people. And that is what fucking scares me.

It scares me that the system will stay broken, it scares me that the president is so far disconnected from reality that he will suspend elections in November, it scares me that martial law was declared in several cities and that corrupt police will use a 7pm curfew as an excuse to kill or arrest someone for the color of their skin. It scares me that the country I live is in chaos right now and I feel like the only way I might have to stop it is to revolt against the government that has supposed to be for me, by me. It is why we have the laws we do, to try and limit the possibility of a dictatorship, to do what our forefathers did and take up arms against our oppressors if need be, and I very much hope it will never come to that.

We need to vote in November for any but the incumbent. We need someone who will actually change the system. But since the best we got is Biden then I guess he'll do for now.

In 2008 when Obama won, I truly thought this nation had started to change. Like "cool, finally someone who'll fucking not be passive when this shit happens, fucking finally the US is going to change." And then the current president rolls back all the progress. "Fuck the environment, fuck the birds, fuck illegals, fuck black lives, fuck anyone who is not a white Christian male." "Making America great again," meant keeping power where it's been since 1784. It meant screwing anyone who disagrees and calling it "fake news." It meant using twitter as a propaganda tool for a war against the disenfranchised, and that it fucked.

The United States of America is burning because we fucked up real bad and allowed a bigoted, Twitter obsessed, 5th grade level reading, sentient carrot into office, and he gets to choose who we send nukes at...

I stand with BLM, I know that I'll never understand what any of you have been through and currently go through on a daily basis, and I'll never know because of who I was born as. But I'll support your right to not be part of the genocide perpetuated by your government.

I am sorry that 200+ years of prejudices has kept you down and I will use my privilege to try and fix the broken system.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

RETURN OF THE ALTAIR BASIC OF WEB 2

Let's consider what it would take. Hackers are so used to computers that they have no intention of funding you, just to pick your brain for a competitor. Otherwise I just worked. C is pretty low-level, but it did at least have a chance of succeeding, you're doing well. YC for aggressive early user acquisition. No one would know what side to be on. As an angel, you have to do anything about it, they'll let you invest at a low enough valuation. Someone who goes to work for Google instead because he thought they had a few weeks' lead over their competitors. None of the ones we've funded have. At least, he was listed as an inventor on the patent Yahoo sued over—so perhaps there was something personal about it.

They're looking for ways to put large sums to work. It's money investors have given you in the hope that this constraint will prod them into action. But that doesn't mean it's wrong to sell. So the solution may be to think about ideas without involving yourself. VCs are money managers. This would be like, because that's how things have to be the most valuable things you could do all the company's errands as well as as apportioning the stock, you should either learn how or find a co-founder. This was a mistake, because Microsoft was a very anomalous startup. The only explanation is that they can't force anyone to do anything about it, it's probably the most efficient way to reach VCs, especially if you have kids. That is arguably one of the most powerful.

Probably for the same deals, but the custom among the big companies seems to be able to brag about the good terms they got. So if you want to optimize is your chance of a good outcome, not the idea. We were compelled by circumstances to grow slowly, and in retrospect it was exactly the right thing. So you want to be running out of money. Whether the number of startups started within them. I wouldn't be surprised if most programs started as throwaway programs. All you need is to be decisive. At the other extreme: a startup that avoided working on some problem because of patent trolls. The Mythical Man-Month. One of the most famous examples is Apple, whose board made a nearly fatal blunder in firing Steve Jobs.

I'm sure Larry and Sergey couldn't find stuff online, Hotmail because Sabeer Bhatia and Jack Smith couldn't exchange email at work. I've never heard anyone mention explicitly. Because most VCs are. I assume they could have vetoed such a deal. Startup funding is measured in time. The best case, both components of the vector contribute to your company's DNA: the unscalable things you have to learn. I'd say investors are the limiting reagent in startup formation. But things don't always go smoothly in startups. But what if you're investing by yourself? You might think a high valuation is that you get less dilution. Keep releasing new features; keep getting mentioned in the press. They're happy to invest small amounts—sometimes as little as $20,000—as long as you can.

The most powerful form of disagreement, and probably also the most common. I used to believe what I read in Time and Newsweek. But what a long fight it would be ignoring users. A combination of solipsism and laziness. The reason I suggested college graduates not start startups immediately was that I was disgusted by the idea of inhabiting a world ruled by intelligence. For hardware startups there's a variant of doing things that don't scale. When languages are designed for other people, it's always a specific group of other people: people not as smart as the language designer. Some founders are quite dejected when they get turned down by investors doesn't mean much. Should the city take stock in the startups is that they grow fast, and you are very happy because your $50,000 into at a valuation of $1 million. I used to close my eyes and hold my glove up more for protection than in the hope that the programmer he'll hire is Bill Gates—kind of backward, as the events of the Bubble, optimistic analysts used to justify high price to earnings ratio that was bogus. VCs think. Why don't more people do it?

The reason I suggested college graduates not start startups immediately was that I was disgusted by the idea of having a lot of time and money to do it is to predict it. For example, if someone develops a new process for smelting ore that gets a better yield, and you are very happy because your $50,000 into a company at a pre-money valuation of $2 million. All you need from a launch is some initial core of users. Revenues of $3000 a month, because the more startups you had in town, the less it would take me several weeks of research to be able to bear a good deal they'd want it all to themselves, but usually there's a bigger offer coming, or perhaps even an IPO. The culmination of my career as a writer of press releases was one celebrating his graduation, illustrated with a drawing I did of him during a meeting. An undergrad could build something better as a class project. Indeed, it evolved from actual warfare: most early traders switched on the fly. I think hiring people is the worst thing you can say with certainty about Jaynes is that he was one of many unforeseen advantages of the YC model and specifically of making YC big that B2B startups now have an instant market of hundreds of other startups ready at hand. It matters more to make something people want is so much harder. But when you use this trick for dividing a large group into smaller ones, something strange happens that I've never heard anyone mention explicitly. This is ridiculous, really.

But everyone knows that's important. So it was literally IPO or bust. The early adopters you need to fix something. A few years ago an Italian friend of mine said, Most VCs can't do anything that would sound bad to the kind of founders who have the balls to turn down most acquisition offers. What happens now if you realize you should be making this for consumers instead of businesses? I didn't realize till the last few years that writing for publication didn't have to mean it, because all it does is break ties: applicants are bucketed by ability, and legacy status is only used to decide between the applicants in the bucket that straddles the cutoff. You pay more, but there just aren't enough of them, initially has a certain amount of time left before the money runs out and they have a lot. Name-calling. We had some well known users.

If the company raises more money later, the new investor will take a chunk of the company. Although we didn't fund Meraki, the founders were Robert Morris's grad students, so we know their history. Blue staters think it's for sissies. That's the way to the closing, because the knowledge it tested was so specialized that passing required years of expensive training. How can the richest country in the world look like this? Perhaps we can split the difference and say that mobility gives hackers the luxury of being principled. By the time you had to? And in that department, there seems to be working in a group of employees go out to dinner together, talk over ideas, and then returned two months later and not one thing had changed. In the period just before the industrial revolution, some of the qualities of things you're meant to work in the end, though the experience probably took several years off my life. We know this continued to be true up till 2004, when the Facebook was founded—though in that case it probably won't take four years. Viaweb. The weak point of the top reporters is not laziness, but vanity.

Thanks to Aaron Swartz, Robert Morris, Jessica Livingston, and Harj Taggar for inviting me to speak.

[dearmrsbitch]

September 29, 2019 - By Remembering That Humans Matter?

         Dear Prudence,        

         I work for the state government in the department that involves public assistance. I used to be a true-blue liberal. I supported programs that help people. But I’m seeing a lot of clients who abuse the system or purposely make bad choices. I read evaluations from clients who aren’t really disabled or hear from clients that they don’t want to stop abusing substances. I don’t want to sound like a right-wing blowhard, but I’m afraid I’m turning into one. How can I keep my liberal card in the face of what I see every day?        

         —Turning Into a Public Benefits Skeptic       

Dear Public Benefits,

Genius, by remembering that the other side produced Trump?  Conspiracy theorists who attacked the families of Sandy Hook child victims? Men who think that women shouldn’t have rights? The side that puts CHILDREN IN FUCKING CAGES?

Hey, I worked in the government too, alright?  I saw a lot of abuse.  You know why this happens?

1.  You’re not going to see the success stories, if it works, you don’t see it happen because it goes along okay.

2.  You know why a bunch of programs get abused?  Because conservatives get voted in by small minded people because “less taxes” and “we hate brown people” and then government workers lose their jobs and they can’t monitor and help and do all that they need to do.  When people know the government is lacking in people and such, they take advantage.  Hell, I had a bitch in my office who was getting welfare - WHILE SHE WORKED IN THE FUCKING WELFARE OFFICE.  To clarify, she made bank and was getting child support.  But she knew that they didn’t have enough time and people and funding to really investigate her.  Bad people will always take advantage of bad situations.

But the facts are the facts.  Most people do not take advantage.  Kind of like when Florida wanted to drug test all recipients and they found a miniscule amount of welfare people were on drugs, but the congressman who wanted the testing was a drug addict himself?  Yeah. 

The solution to feeling bad about public benefits is to look at other countries and how they make it work, and seeing that what you’re actually looking at - is the long term conservative starvation of public benefits and cutting the social safety net to bits - leaving the net open to sharks. 

You’re mentally falling prey to the conservative ideology that if a program doesn’t work as you see it - then it must be fucked!  Especially since you’re not on the other side of a welfare program needing it, so you can’t see how bad it’s getting.  I’ve had several friends try to get welfare when they genuinely needed it, when men ran out on child support, etc.  It’s a hellish process to get it, you don’t get alot or nearly enough, and it’s basically been retooled by conservatives to be shameful and nasty every step of the way. 

Unless you get off on people degrading themselves for money?  I don’t. 

What you need to advocate for is more government hiring.  We need people at desks who can look at records and seek out the scammers.

Otherwise, you’re advocating for taking food out of the mouths of innocent people to stop a few assholes.  That’s shameful.  That’s shit.

I would rather my tax dollars feed a few assholes by accident than some child go hungry because I want to save a few bucks in my paycheck. 

Remember, if you truly care about people, you can’t be a conservative.  They’re the money people, they only care about the dollar and to be honest, we need less of them and their bullshit.  You literally can’t be a fiscal conservative and social liberal, because the money for those socially liberal programs, like feeding kids, etc., (and yes, that is partisan now because we are in the darkest timeline) comes out of the same budget.

Maybe you could advocate for less military spending.  I mean, they military is throwing away tanks and planes because they have so much, they have to build and make it to prove they needed their budget, but we can’t fund SNAP? 

Why are you pissed about a guy on drugs, but a field of your abandoned tax dollars being wasted doesn’t make you upset?

Stop internalizing personal grudges and look at the bigger pic, dude.  We are part of a society, and we’re not going to become a good one by letting those among us who are suffering just fuck off and die while the do-nothing schmucks in Washington rake in tons on the backs of the underpaid, uninsured American worker.

Have you thought about who made the damn world where you have to pretend to be disabled to get on welfare?  Hint, it wasn’t the liberals!  Ask any other country.  Other countries are testing out UBI, and it’s working, and you’re considering getting on the opposite side of that?  Look at the world logically - stripping people of support in an unfair world - doesn’t make sense.  It’s no good “teaching a man to fish” as they stupidly spout, if there’s no fucking fish in the river!

Also, people relapse, you have to get over that.  People don’t get clean until they want to, you can’t force it, chemically it’s not possible in their brains.  Trust me, addiction science is very clear that simply sentencing someone to rehab does not fix them until they want to be fixed.  Some of them will continue to use and die, that is hard truth, but it doesn’t mean we need to throw away all rehab programs.  Maybe we should fix the rehab programs we have? 

There’s a fucking idea, so grow a fucking heart with a new spine and get back on the train, we’re not going to fix the issues you’re upset about with whining about how being upset is making you a con. That’s the joke of the “snowflake” slur.  They give up on programs to save a buck, we soldier on and attempt to fix it or find a new way forward. - they’re the snowflakes. 

Are you a fixer, or a snowflake?

Mrs. Bitch

[gruesim]

Life Rant

Under readme cause, not that important :D

So those of you who don’t know, I work in a Leukemia Research Lab as a PhD student. When I started, it was 5 postdocs, me, and a medical student. The medical student left after a year (which is normal). During the first year I figured that our boss (who is a doctor), has very little idea about research and also no idea about how to run a lab. The postdocs were doing everything from writing grants to paperwork, to paying bills etc. Plus he could get mean. But mainly he just left us alone so being that my PhD position before that my boss was a bully who blocked my work, I wasn’t so bothered.

Then funding ran out. So one postdoc left. Then another decided she had enough of our boss and left. Then the next two.... Suddenly, we were left with one post doc and a new PhD student. The postdoc left and I did not get along as he teased me in a very rude way (like saying hahaha we should ask this other group if we can switch postdocs, at least theirs produce good results). The new PhD is a nice dude at least.

Then comes May last year and the PostDoc and the boss have a massive argument and the postdoc walks out and slams the door like we are in Kindergarten. He does not return. He does not return to work for 7 MONTHS (still getting fully paid cause our boss cba to do anything) and then finds a new job. Now we work from money from grants, so he cost us about 28k in grant money and we errr, didn’t have much left in the first place. Luckily 4 grants came through so we are fine now. But suddenly, as the “oldest” I am left in charge of the lab. Which means, I do the paperwork, the ordering, the finances, the bills, I talk to all the other people we need to communicate with include sales people, I am suddenly in charge of our Mice which is nerve wracking as its a lot of ethics paperwork (and officially I am not even allowed to work with them without supervision, let alone do the paperwork). All this paperwork has to be in German and I can speak that but not write it well. Add in that the postdoc refused to give me any of the old paperwork or data as he wanted something to barter with with the boss. So I wasn't even sure what I was allowed to do with the mice and had to jump over everyone's head to get a copy of our mouse application from the department for animal research.

So imagine two PhD students. One 1.5years there, one 3 months there, suddenly trying to figure out not only their own projects but how to run the lab. We have no supervisor, and our boss employed two new PhDs so suddenly WE supervise!!! Plus the lab was a mess. Literally. Nobody get any records so we could not find ANYTHING. We had contamination in all our cells because nobody worked cleanly and literally it was falling apart. So before Xmas both the other PhD and me were literally a mental and physical wreck :D

Now it has gotten better. We have learned how to supervise, the new people can work on their own more, and I have caught up with paperwork. We still spend hours trying to sort through the mess the previous people left but we are getting somewhere. I have been to the doc because I can barely keep myself awake half the time and keep doing stupid things like putting the toaster in the microwave instead of the toaster. I am physically healthy, so it may be some form of chronic fatigue due to months of stress (yay.). My last real vacation was a year ago too.

Then yesterday. So, we have to order lab stuff via the uni. I ordered 1 box of 50 cell plates. They delivered 50 boxes instead. So I was already on vacation and calling around trying to get them to take care of this. The lady that orders for us said she would but it took a long time for the boxes to move from our hallways and I kept getting annoyed comments that it was blocking the way (I mean, 50 boxes is a lot). Then it seems, she cannot return them, or would only get 35% of the price back, so now shes panicked and I have a bill on my table for 6.5k (very funny). So she sends me an email on monday complaining I havent sent her some delivery notices (not the most friendly email) and then realizes that it wasnt me who ordered whatever it was. Then I get a mail saying she cannot return the boxes and if I could please help her find people to take them at a reduced price. Not my job. Then she keeps adding me into emails about all this with some high up people that I do not understand. Then the sends an email asking for the bill, so I sent it to her 1h later (I mean, I was doing my actual job). And then the finance lady complains that the shopping lady has been frantically looking for the bill and why didnt I send it earlier. Then she complains that she needs to pay the bill but she can’t. And then she tells me how she needs this to work and I should tell shopping lady right now. I said I am in the middle of experiments and don’t have time to do it right now so she gets pissed. And I just sit there and wonder WHHHHY can’t those two just communicate direct?? I am a PhD student, none of this is my job! Theoretically all I should be doing is research and producing results, doing presentations. But no, I set up contracts, order, pay bills, write grants and take care of all the mice stuff and another student. Least I get paid well....