#honestly that 2nd amendment looks pretty good right now

[theworldaccordingtotimmycap]

The United States of America is burning.

We are literally living through a text book chapter right now, and it is a very scary one. The entirety of 2020 has been an apocalypse from the threat of WWIII in early January, to a global pandemic which has forced billions of people inside and massively hurt the world economy. Add murder Hornets to the mix and the year has been crazy and we are only half way through it. But that is a mute point now. Racism has unfortunately reared its ugly head again.

With the murder of an other unarmed African American man, George Floyd, by a police officer, we can see all the anger bubbling to the surface. People were locked inside for three months and then this tragedy happened. Of course people are going to protest, of course people are going to riot. We should! The system is broken, the system is rigged, the fucking system has a systemic problem and is built to keep the disenfranchised disenfranchised. The "war on drugs" was literally met to keep anti-war hippies and young black people in jail. The system is designed to keep criminals criminals. The system only works for people like me unfortunately.

But of course it does. Why wouldn't it work for people in power. And that esasterbates the problem. The leads of this country are disconnected from the people. They are disconnected from the issues and will never truly understand what is happening. They can't understand because they are too busy campaigning for their next election or going to fundraisers or doing whatever Congressman and Senators do that isn't their job. And they fund the police for "the protection of the people." But they use the military industrial complex to fund the police. Why do police departments need tanks and automatic weapons? Do they really need to be dressed like soldiers? For our protection? Fuck no. But the money has to go somewhere and it's not going to go to social programs.

Which leads to my main point. Our president is trying to create an authoritarian state. How else do you explain declaring war on protesters? You do not use armed forces to put down riots and protests. This is literally one of the reasons we fought a war in 1776. Like how fucking ignorant of history do you have to be to not see how threatening to kill unarmed civilians for protesting or rioting. The only rulers who've done it were not known for their diplomatic skills, they were known for killing their own people. And that is what fucking scares me.

It scares me that the system will stay broken, it scares me that the president is so far disconnected from reality that he will suspend elections in November, it scares me that martial law was declared in several cities and that corrupt police will use a 7pm curfew as an excuse to kill or arrest someone for the color of their skin. It scares me that the country I live is in chaos right now and I feel like the only way I might have to stop it is to revolt against the government that has supposed to be for me, by me. It is why we have the laws we do, to try and limit the possibility of a dictatorship, to do what our forefathers did and take up arms against our oppressors if need be, and I very much hope it will never come to that.

We need to vote in November for any but the incumbent. We need someone who will actually change the system. But since the best we got is Biden then I guess he'll do for now.

In 2008 when Obama won, I truly thought this nation had started to change. Like "cool, finally someone who'll fucking not be passive when this shit happens, fucking finally the US is going to change." And then the current president rolls back all the progress. "Fuck the environment, fuck the birds, fuck illegals, fuck black lives, fuck anyone who is not a white Christian male." "Making America great again," meant keeping power where it's been since 1784. It meant screwing anyone who disagrees and calling it "fake news." It meant using twitter as a propaganda tool for a war against the disenfranchised, and that it fucked.

The United States of America is burning because we fucked up real bad and allowed a bigoted, Twitter obsessed, 5th grade level reading, sentient carrot into office, and he gets to choose who we send nukes at...

I stand with BLM, I know that I'll never understand what any of you have been through and currently go through on a daily basis, and I'll never know because of who I was born as. But I'll support your right to not be part of the genocide perpetuated by your government.

I am sorry that 200+ years of prejudices has kept you down and I will use my privilege to try and fix the broken system.

[seyaryminamoto]

Seyaryyy, it's been a "long" time since I asked you something spoilery about Gladiator =D.

... So, I was writing a pretty lengthy and detailed answer, switched to another tab for a second, and when I came back, my answer was gone and the tab had refreshed! :’D FUN.

... Okay. I’ll try to be a little more concise this time around. As the questions are pretty spoilery, I’ll hide them under the cut too :’D

My question will be about Zhaozula of course. That marriage will happen and things won't be so nice in part 3 in general.

But you mentioned that she won't be on bad terms with her husband all along.

So, will she try to find comfort on him with everything going on? Like accepting it and trying to make the best? Is he going to kinda fall for her or something like that?

And is Rei going to play an important role in part 3??

Sorry if it's too spoilery but as you know, this marriage is something I totally look forward to. I'm waiting for it since the 2nd reviews party.=')

Your wording of what I said about Azula not always being on bad terms with Zhao makes me think I either didn’t explain myself properly, or details of my plans have changed gradually since then...? Either thing is entirely possible, I must admit.

A quick search reveals that I said, 5 years ago, when you asked if they’d get ever along...:

Yeah, surprisingly, but prior to the whole marriage mess they will get along a little better, and will have to work together to resolve a particular problem. Zhao likes the idea of being some sort of mentor to Azula in regards of the Gladiator Business. Azula doesn’t like his behavior much when he gets like that, makes her feel underestimated, but she’s going to make the most of the advantages Zhao offers either way... so yeah, she will work with him when she deems it convenient or necessary. They won’t be BFFs, but Azula will grow to tolerate the man a lot more in the forseeable future.

All this is referring to Part 2 alone, I have to admit. While yes, a lot of my plans have changed and Zhao ended up being a lot more complex than I originally thought he’d be (so not everything in this answer applies 100% to what’s really in the story these days), back when I answerd this question I was referring to Part 2 alone, hence the brief clarification that “prior to the whole marriage mess” they’d get along better. This answer applies exclusively to things that would happen before they’re arranged to marry, not after (a lot of these developments are things we’ve already seen happen throughout Part 2).

Anyways, Azula has been in good terms with Zhao for a while now, since chapter 138 or so, and while there’s ups and downs, their relationship is honestly at its best through Part 2, by far. At the end of Part 2 it will start decaying again, and throughout Part 3 it will only continue to do so.

Without giving too much away, I can say Zhao will try to be generous with Azula in Part 3, to give her as much space as she needs, he will want to be patient so she can adapt to their new situation. And while being as nice as he can be, in such a not-nice-at-all situation, he won’t realize he’s playing into her schemes exactly as she needs him to. By the time he takes notice of this, it’s too late for him to do anything about it: the damage is done, and he isn’t pleased in the least that Azula manipulated him at will.

This will result in Zhao reacting rather adversely towards Azula, and their relationship goes downhill since then. Azula won’t really make any other moves against Zhao after this, won’t even try to manipulate him again, but Zhao won’t see her as someone who needs help anymore. Rather, he sees her as a threat and danger to himself, and every small move she makes, he assumes she’s making it to screw him over somehow, even if that’s not the case.

So... while I’m afraid you won’t really be happy with this answer, their relationship is really at its best right now, before the marriage arrangement even comes to anyone’s mind. Zhao will also take to doing certain things in Part 3 that I honestly don’t think you’ll be happy with... but it’s stuff that ties in with what little we know about his personal life at the moment, so I hope it won’t feel out of place since it’s what I’ve always planned. Either way, I can sum this up by saying Zhao tries his best for Azula at first, until he feels she took advantage of his kindness to turn him into a mindless puppet she was stringing about for her own benefit. After he reaches that conclusion, there’s really no amending this relationship anymore.

Hence, no, Azula never really is in a position where she would seek comfort in Zhao in any sense, for, at the point where he’s at his nicest, she’s at her darkest, and doesn’t want his kindness and consideration. By the time she starts to recover, she has already made her big move and Zhao becomes a lot more hostile towards her, so there’s no attempt to find comfort later on either.

If Azula hadn’t come up with that scheme, there could be a chance Zhao would develop some sort of emotional attachment towards her... but he really doesn’t see her as a romantic interest for himself, even if he can certainly admire her looks, but he’s really not that romantic a man in Gladiator. He outright told Sokka, back when he realized Sokka had feelings for Azula, that he should move on and find other people because he’s young and will get over it... 

“...there are other women, you know. I realize you may think she's the only one worth loving, if I were your age I would think the same, but part of growing up is accepting you can find the right girl at the right time, rather than to obsess with the same one forever.”

That was a slightly sneaky way of me to show what Zhao’s personal views of romance are. While there’s obviously a potentially romantic way to develop characters like these, by giving them a significant relationship with someone who will teach them to let go of their skepticism about true love and whatnot, that’s not what will happen with Zhao, especially because of what Azula’s schemes result in.

And the truth is, Azula’s schemes are the only reason why she agrees to the marriage arrangement at all, so... there’s really no possible happy outcome for this relationship in Gladiator. The whole thing is born in the worst of circumstances, between two people who are between reluctant and outright unwilling to be with each other, no matter if they were on good terms shortly before these developments happened... so I’m afraid it won’t be quite what you may have hoped it was. Sorry if my wording was confusing before, or if my plans have changed too much, but there really won’t be much in the way of positive development for that marriage, once it happens.

And now, as for Rei...

... Truthfully, I don’t want to spoil this, but Rei is going to become one of the first good things to happen to Azula in Part 3. The bond between them is seriously heartwarming for me, and I know it sounds weird that Azula will get along so well with Rei when I’m basically saying her relationship with Rei’s father will be a downwards spiral... but Rei, goes without saying, isn’t her father. What Azula already knows about her, at the earliest point in time in Part 3, is enough to establish an initially small bond that will grow tighter as the story progresses. 

Rei has had a very complicated life so far. She will serve to show a glimpse of Zhao’s nicest side... yet her very existence is also a highlight of some of Zhao’s nastier flaws. He has been quite kind to Rei and he’s very protective of her, yet... he’s also not kind enough, if that makes sense? He has always been distant with Rei, he’s not exactly a man who knows how to be a father (I mean... she’s serving as a maid at his household? That’s not quite what most people would do with their children, even if they are illegitimate, ESPECIALLY their only child...), so their relationship is already complicated: once Azula is factored in, it gets even more complicated :’D

I don’t really want to give away a lot about Rei, but she is veeeery important in Part 3. I will admit, her role in the story changed gradually -- I always conceived her as Zhao’s illegitimate child, but back when she first showed up (chapter 138) I honestly had no idea what her ultimate role would be. I actually ended up regretting briefly the idea of featuring her as Zhao’s illegitimate child since I thought it’d cause unnecessary drama, and I damn near backtracked on it, to feature her as just his maid and nothing more during Hahn’s Gambit... but then I pondered what Part 3 could look like if Rei, as Zhao’s illegitimate daughter, was part of the equation. And, boy... the result was magical. Thus, instead of backtracking, I went full-speed ahead with making Rei his illegitimate daughter... and here we are!

I seriously look forward to writing Azula and Rei’s relationship, it’s one of the things I’m most excited about in Part 3. While Azula’s relationship with Zhao will be very complicated and not in a cute way (at least, not for me? could be you’ll enjoy it anyhow, I don’t know xD), her relationship and dynamics with Rei are just wonderful to me. I’ve tried to contain my hype about her character, but people on Twitter have known me to suddenly scream “REEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!” in completely out-of-context tweets just because she gives me too many feels whenever I think about her x’DDDDD I figure that will speak for itself regarding how much her character means to me (and to the story).

I hope this is a comprehensive enough answer for both your questions!

[thepropertylovers]

What Foreigners Really Think of The U.S. Right Now

The other night, after the kiddos went to bed, we decided to watch the second Borat movie that just came out (have you seen it?). It was insane and hilarious all at the same time, but it got me wondering: what do folks who don’t live in the U.S. think of The United States of America right now? What is their perception of us?

So I decided to pose this question on Instagram and wow. Y’all did not hold back. I want to thank everyone who submitted for your candidness and honesty, even if some of these were hard to swallow. It’s important to note that just because these are their opinions of America, it doesn’t mean it is all necessarily true. Regardless, it was interesting to read everyone’s thoughts and get an outsider’s perspective.

We received hundreds of submissions and couldn’t post them all, but below, people from all over the world share what they really think of the United States at the moment.

Leadership is out of touch with reality and messing things up real bad, not just for the U.S. but also for the world. What’s worse is that half the country is being misled successfully. It just shows poorly on the country all over. -Annonymous

Your president is a disaster when it comes to foreign politics and corona. No class, no knowledge. A joke. Very scary to watch. But half of the voters are happy with it. And that is even more scary. Very difficult to understand the hate and ignorance in your society right now. -Mikkel

It’s just weird. Everything basically. I totally understand now why the U.S. is described as '“flawed democracy” in the democracy index. It’s just a crazy system which is not providing equality among people- regarding the vote especially. This system leads to the fact of the two big parties (similar in the UK basically). But democracy is about diversity in opinions and options. Not just two. -Max

The US is more divided than ever. The two parties cannot work together nor do they appear to want to. The government is no longer run by reason, facts, and policy aiming for the betterment of the entire country and or world in the long or medium run; rather it’s instant gratification for the few who benefit from nepotism. Lies and misinformation are used to build a dictatorship hiding in the form of “patriotism”. And those who could act as a check or balance focus on their own personal gain, putting their needs above those of the persons they should be representing. -Joel

I personally don’t think there is a very good atmosphere in the USA, especially right now, Trump’s administration does not protect the American people or the economy. He only cares about himself and his male-white supremacy. The worst of all is that lots of Americans think Trump is actually a good leader (idk why, honestly). But thank God that people are starting to wake up and fight about what they believe. We can see it through BLM protests, feminist movements, and so on, and the whole world is proud about those people fighting for their rights. America was once the land of dreams, but nowadays (with all that is happening) it is even scary to go there. Lots of things have to change and those changes have to start, voting and defending your rights and your beliefs are the first step. Greetings from Spain. -Antonio

The main reasons I can think of are vote suppression/gerrymandering, expensive health care wealth inequality, racism, lack of fun control… -Brian

Definitely find the hypocrisy of the Republicans so annoying, Trump still being in office, the fact that there has been no police reform or justice for Breonna Taylor, the gun laws, and the COVID numbers just to name a few. -Brian

Here in the UK it seems like CARNAGE over there..don’t get me wrong, it’s wild here too but Trump is insane and it’s really odd seeing so many Americans supporting him. -Dan

Really worried about the fact that you might go for 4 more years with Trump and the fact that he’ll for sure contest the results if he loses. Add to this, all the racial violence and in particular the way some policemen act without being condemned by any judge. And finally the pandemic which seems to be even more out of control than in other countries. This is coming from someone who lives in France where we’re going to be under lockdown for the second time since the beginning of the pandemic (2nd lockdown starting tomorrow evening and will last at least until December 1st 😢). -Estelle

To put a long story short, let’s just hope Cheeto doesn’t get reelected otherwise our UK trade deal will be a disaster and we don’t need any more negative influences in the UK around gender and sexual equality.-Christian

I think with this administration, the US has demonstrated how to shipwreck a whole nation economically, ideologically, socially, and politically within a really short period of time. After just 4 years, we’ve come to associate the US with widespread narrow-mindedness, a lack of respect and courtesy to other nations (and minorities in its own country for that matter), short sightedness when it comes to global phenomena like environmentalism or migration patterns, and a celebration (by some at least) of almost barbaric notions of violence, oppression, and backward thinking, all under the camouflage of its constitution and socio-historic heritage. We’ve really admired the Obama administration over here in Europe, which-despite its flaws and shortcomings- has opened up the US to international partnerships and has established an ongoing discourse shaped by mutual respect and politeness…the contrast couldn’t be more pronounced these day…-Sebastian

I look at our Prime Minister and government and then see Trump and think we really could have it so much worse! Vote!! -Ant

As an American living in London, I can tell you that the news coverage here makes the US look like an absolute joke. Mainly due to 45, his lies, his bigotry, and his insane desire to make covid seem as though it’s a falsehood “created by the left” while hundreds of thousands of Americans have ben victimized by this pandemic. What was once seen as a country of opportunity and freedom, is sadly no longer held to that level of greatness in comparison to its neighboring countries. It saddens me because I had plans to move back home within the next year or so, but if the US continues on its path, I can see myself in London for the unforeseeable future. I can’t live in a country where I am seen or believed to be lesser than another because of my sexual preference. I can only hope and pray that this election brings the change we need to be that country of greatness once again. -Rob

Very poor to be honest. And I’m not necessarily [talking about Trump]- I think the immediate reaction is to blame him. Though, he is pretty awful. There was obviously a huge level of social and other problems in the US, and the current administration has exploited them to the breaking point. Whereas more “skilled” past administrations had the ability to leverage those issues for their benefit, but not let it boil over. I actually thought Trump would be a positive for the US and world- in that his incompetence would force other world leaders to step up. Meaning more equity in how disputes etc. are assessed and the US wouldn’t bully smaller nations. I think the US has hit the point in its journey with capitalism that the USSR hit with socialism in the late 80’s that led to its collapse. Does that mean collapse for the US, I don’t know but the system isn’t providing equity and equality for all as it stands. -Paul

Worried but also hopeful for you guys because I don’t think all citizens in America reflect the current administration. It’s been really great to see people voting early and making their voice heard. No matter what happens just know you did what you could in this moment in time. Even though the current administration provides a scary outlook for the future. As long as the current and future generations lead with love, there will hopefully be a brighter future. Love from Canada. -Ajetha

I've been subscribing to all of the US News since the Black Lives Matter Movement commenced and honestly, it made me scared as a Filipino Asian to step foot in the States ever since. I have big dreams of flying over there and probably working there as an immigrant after I finished college. However, when I found out about the racial injustice that is currently ongoing in the country, I became hesistant of still wanting to live there. Although, I'm positive that there are still people like you two that will be open about working immigrants, I really hope that racism, sexism, homophobia and transphobia will end for good among every human beings in the US and also around the world. I do wish and pray that the 2020 US election will make certain amends to the current situation y'all are experiencing because it's getting pretty scary out there. -Harvey I’m an American living overseas working for the US government. I’m trying my hardest to stay overseas so my family and I don’t have to come back to the mess that is the US right now. From politics to COVID, it’s not a good time. While the virus may be surging again in Europe, at least the people comply with the government rules. Sometimes I believe Americans take freedom and liberty a bit too far, especially when it comes to the greater good. -Anonymous

Allthough on social policy the US is no real example for us (I think there is more social ‘security’, more justice, high standards in education for all in most of the EU countries), they always have been a ‘safe haven’ in big international politics. It now feels like ‘they have our back’ doesn’t imply anymore. -Jasper

Well personally I think the country seems in total disarray, instead of focusing on the real issues in the streets both house of the capitol are focused on bashing each other during the election campaign which is a circus due to the sitting POTUS. The obsession with the right to bare arms and the gun culture bewilders most other countries, you have teenagers walking into schools with Assault weapons and yet people still want guns to be available, worst still you ban one type of assault rifle but another just as powerful is kept on sale, it’s plain weird. -Philip

Neither candidate represents their party well. As an outsider looking in, it just baffles me that either of these men could potentially be the leader of the free world...It genuinely feels like worrying times are ahead for the US. -Marc I'm from India and living in Germany at the moment. The race problem in the US is as bad as the class/caste problem in India. Even if I don't have money I can go to a government health center in India. I just had an operation and stayed at the hospital for 18 days here in Germany, I had to pay only 180 Euros, everything else ( the operation and the many tests and scans that followed) was covered by the insurance. When my friends at the US heard about it they were shocked about low the hospital bill. There are really great labs (I'm a researcher) that I would like to work but I have no intentions of working/living in the US for a longer period of time. -Maithy

I think the US has become a joke to the rest of the developed world. Neither candidates running for president are fit to run such a powerful country. I can't help but feel after the election if Trump wins the left will riot and if Biden wins the right will riot. The country might just rip itself apart. American politics has zero empathy and zero morals. Honestly its terrifying. -Andrew

The US has always been a bit confusing to me - the two party system, the focus on religion, the divide in income and possibilities- as well as being the beacon of light in the fight for human rights, the strong personal pride in creating caring societets, the blending of and openeses for ethnicities and cultures... But for a while politics have become not at all about politics, religious beliefs are taking charge in policy work, the wealthier part shows little companion towards the less wealthy, the public spending is way above budget year after year while health care seems to be crazy expensive and not for all. The intrusion of US interest in politics in other countries are blunt to say the least, creating conflict where human lives have no value if they’re not US lives... School shootings that seems to be acted upon as that is part of normal lives, and schools to expensive for even middle class kids to study at... This is a shift in trust and soft power that affects all of us. -Olof

To be honest, I couldn’t come to the US right now, it scares me. The leadership, the gun laws, the violence and the divide of the nation. It sucks, because I love America and have been there 7 times in the last two years from Australia for work... but not anymore. I’m not coming back now until peace wins. -Anonymous

The fact that such a hate filled government is presiding over what is one the greatest countries in the world is scary. And it is seriously mind blowing that out of such a powerful country filled with some of the greatest minds in the world it’s these two men are the best you can do to be your next president. Unbelievable. Seriously unbelievable. -Rachel

I think the orange dude in office is making you guys look bad. But also, good (?). Seeing the black lives matter movement and so many of you stand up to the problems your country faces has been inspiring. One thing our countries have in common is how we are divided into very distinctive opposites sides. I mean, where do all these racists, bigots, utterly, madly conservites people came from? I few like a few years ago things did not seem so much as a boiling pan about to explode. Or maybe they were all hiding and when a lunatic like them rose to power (how that happened still boggles my mind) they all showed their true colors. It’s scary. I hope Trump doesn’t get reelected. Brazilians loooove to imitate americans🙄, so if he gets reelected it makes that much probable that our lunatic will also be in office for four more years. P.S. have you guys watched the show Years and Years from HBO? A really good watch is this election times! ☺️ -Taty

Re. The US atm. Unfortunately your president has made your country a laughing stock around the world and he's destroyed relationships with allies. It's gonna take time to rebuild all of that. He's also moved an entire branch of your government to the far right, even though the majority of the country if left/centr of left. So you've a supreme court that doesn't represent you and it's looking like they're going to try and take away rights from people. You have a healthcare system that doesn't look out for its people and there's this bizarre fear of universal healthcare that seems insane to every other 1st world country. If if Biden wins (and I really hope he does for everyone's sake), there's going to be a lot of work in undoing the damage Trump has done before he can even get into what he wants to do. All the while you've an ultra conservative highest court. There's also the massive political division and the systemic racism. It's a lot. It's not impossible, but it's going to take so much time and people who want it to change. -Ciara

I’ve been sitting here for an hour thinking about your question and there are many different outlooks I could raise so I’ll keep it generic. I’ll start with the elephant in the room known as Covid. Each day, our morning news informs us of what your leaders are doing and daily case numbers in the US. We sit here completely shocked at how your government has let it reach this point. You may have heard that Melbourne has just come out of one of the strictest and longest lock downs in the world. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone to have to do, but I will say, I feel much more comfortable to be able to go to the shops knowing the numbers are at about 2-3 a day instead of in the thousands. I do think that your government does need to address this now, could even be making it compulsory mask wearing. It’s hard for me to comment about your economy as we don’t here much about it, but I will say Trump ‘says’ make America great again, let’s get more jobs, they are pro life, yet how is someone who is prolife not doing anything to stop a virus that is killing people? Isn’t your unemployment rate worse (pre-covid) than what it was when Obama was president? I think as a generic outlook, if change isn’t made in the election, the outlook from a Australian does not look like it would be something you’d want to be apart of. I love America. Have visited a couple of times, even thought about moving there, but at the moment, I’ve never been more thankful to not be there. -Ben

[digimondestined]

1-50 :D (for xxx: Blurred Lines; 42: Aokise Songfics (Need You Now); 46: Try- and Keep Trying; 47, made up title: In the man behold a child) ❤️

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

Oof.  12 ish? FFNet But we don’t speak about it; the site or the writing :P

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

Right now, I’m more invested in aokise / knb fandom and well, once invested, it’s hard to pull my focus :P Other fandoms I’m interested in writing in as of the moment are Owari No Seraph (Gureshin :P) and Seven Deadly Sins (man, that’s lovely hell)

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

Probably OCs? I haven’t written OC’s in a while but heck, reader inserts sounds kinda of awkward to write :P

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?

…is angst with a happy ending a genre?(Otherwise maybe coming of age?)

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

Blurred Lines is the only one that has an actual plot :P and is multi chaptered :P. It’s also got a couple of my favorite tropes such as mutual pining & simultaneous obliviousness. To be honest, I normally don’t edit my works before I put them out (sometimes I’ll get a loving friend to look at it tho :PPPPPP) because I can’t bear reading what I’ve written without cringing, but yeah, I thought Blurred Lines was pretty good :D in terms of writing skill because I’ve been able to read it again aha and I thank all the wonderful people who showered me the work with compliments.

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

LMAO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I HAVEN’T ALREADY? If I delete stories, it’s always for the reason I’m disappointed with it in hindsight, or xD embarrassed I produced such poo.

7) When is your preferred time to write?

Night time becuz I like to procrastinate, it’s quiet and the dark is cozy.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

Other writers/stories, canon material, music, random insights at odd times, prompts sparked by single words or little phrases, prompts from sites or book quotes or from friends and epiphanies, and then mostly I don’t :P 

9) In your Blurred Lines fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?

Chapter 5, the (two I guess?) scene where Aomine’s really upset and Kise makes it his job to take his mind off of it; it’s a memorable moment for both of them because Kise’s determination and hard work really gets to show (SEIRIN GAH; jskghjkghg sg lgsg gsjlsd) in front of two people that mean a lot: himself and Aomine, and for Aomine, it’s an example of how he can be weak and injured too, and is so much more than some give him credit for.

10) In your fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind? Nah, I really liked how it ended actually :) Happy after endings are my favorite :)

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

I’ve only gotten harsh criticism once or twice and man, you should’ve seen me RAWRR in their faces :P. Sometimes self criticism- ex: dislike of plot- will get me to edit though; and then there are just times where I’ve been lazy but reading the work, I’ll see flaws that definitely have to be changed and will proceed to do so.

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

Aomine and Kise are the most fun imo. I go wild with both because of the complexity to both their characters and simply, the inspiration you can see from different works of other authors (Ex: MoustachePenguin wrote JustBreathe with Kise who had crushing depression and KaijosCopyCat wrote When It Rains, It Rains Bullets, where Kise is actually more jaded than Aomine is); point being said, there’s enough material to make a lot reasonable.Kise is fun for his masks and layers; Aomine is great for his relativity. And of course, you can always find a way to knit in angst of some sort :P 

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?

Lots man. Kuroko, Murasakibara-

14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx? - You can ask about multiple stories. 

SO. Remember how it was planned as a one-shot aha :P I’d gotten 3 chapters and ½ written out before I said screw it and posted them before gradually working on the rest :P 

Anyways, I’d only then finished on a final summary, and with one of the parts being “Lines Blurring”, I thought heck let’s roll with that.

Oh also! Had a hard time getting that summary out. gotta thank my special, one and only snowflake.

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

- Likes to indulge myself; I’ll base OCs of some real characters, then twinkle with the name little bit, maybe adding extra letters or finding names with similar meanings?

- It also has to do with how the name tastes. You know how some words just flow better? (Connotation and all that :P) but like, Jewel over Gem, Crystal over Jewel, Ruby over Everything, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx?

Was a prompt- (voldetort :P)

but i was given an open ending option and then i took it and ran with it and turned it into angst with happy ending :P

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

Kise stuck out his tongue, Aomine smirked, and they let Momoi laugh herself dry.

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Yah, who doesn’t? :PP (atop of the temporarily abandoned WIPs :PPP) Either loss of enthusiasm, lack of ability (time, but mostly procrastination :P) to write, or post-insights that lemme realize the story is unsatisfying to the point of repulsive :P

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

Maybe Blurred Lines? Struggle them through 2nd year of school, relationship where it’s so much more precious than a regular, “we-just-began-a-”relationship” because of the stakes. (But then I’d have to like write a conflict???and my inability to be creative would hinder that :P)

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

I haven’t really “ended” any stories of worthy length, but for Blurred Lines :P. Which had an okay ending in my opinion, though maybe hurriedly carried out XDI imagine when I do get to finishing more/other stories, I might? Because I can be impulsive. :P But then again, I take a heck long time to procrastinate; and sometimes that means more time to think about how a story wants to go- in these cases, I don’t, usually :)

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

I am heck into lots of writers.

Roch; VanillaDaydreams22 (tumblr) and just VanillaDaydreams (ao3) is a great friend and writer :P with a lovely, descriptive style of fluid writing.

A famous one would be moustachiopenguin - wrote lots of heart wrenching stories; aha we both know :P So, imagination, use of plot, detail, etc.

And then there’s an up and new coming one; her name starts with a Y and ends with a U.

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Literally all of them. :P Anything from over 4-6 months in particular is a bit of, no thanks :P

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

I prefer music, even though sometimes it’s not helpful and actually, is a hindrance :P but music always helps the mood~

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

Laughs.

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Writing? Nah. Reading? Heck, few times.

26) Which part of your Blurred Lines fic was the hardest to write?

All of it cause I didn’t want to write it, I wanted to waste time~

- In the later chapters, carrying out Aomine’s realization for feelings was a little difficult; I had Satsuki sort of catalyze his action, because he’s pretty heckin determined to get Kise in his unconscious mind; Satsuki’s rejection just enforces the feeling he needs to express himself, though hard. But I occasionally would wonder whether Aomine was made too soft, or OOC in general.

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

My impulsiveness pushes me towards flow; but for fics requiring detail, general outline help XD no matter how “general”.

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

Maybe just the fact that the fandoms I’d get to were in existence :D like how some of us talked about, would have been pretty cool to write with the other gazillion of fan- tho, then again, wouldn’t trade them for you guys aha

There’s a lot of things I’ve learned from it and only with the actual writing action have I come to understand the things :P

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

Maybe Lazy or No Questions Asked. Lazy, because it was the first time I’d written something short but with a bit of story to it still, y’know? :P And then No Questions Asked because I just love the trope of uncertainty and obliviousness and pining in the middle of aokise.

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Honestly? Say It. It was short and okay but like, plot-wise? Not sure if it deserved all the kindness it/I got XD

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?

I haven’t written any OCs in a while! I imagine one I get back to doing so, they could be :P

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Not quite sure. I have shit memory sometimes aha, but all the support is good :D

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

On one of my first fics, which I’d written 24 chapters / 40K (GASP I KNOW :D IT’LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN *SMILES THROUGH THE TEARS OF SAD*) I was told the other chapters should be deleted because it was so bad. But like, the reader had posted said criticism through at least half of the work so :P and a couple of chapters later, said, “This is better! But change everything before this.”I actually got a lot of help/reviews becasue I’d asked for them from various authors aha and fandom was popular and lively; the criticism just went straight through my ears I think. XD

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

I like getting a second opinion if I’m insecure about the idea (often, you guessed right

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

No.

jkjk :P I currently have 4 active WIPs. 1. SECRET (for fanzine :PP), 2. As Long As You Love Me (CJ’s prompt) 3. Some Stuff Has Actually Changed 4. Oops I Did It Again

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?

What is humor explain??!?!?

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.

- You silly.- Roch + CJ- You, super lovely

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?

3rd for the most of it. I’ve never written with 1st before but I’m considering it for a work that’d require an extensive cast. 2nd also strikes me as fun though, because of this angsty story I’d read where Kise was the narrator but done through 2nd? 2nd also seems very poetic and I’d like to try it out some day for fun :P

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?

Yeet :P

41) What’s you favourite minor character you’ve written?

Nijimura, Jellal, you name it XD all of them??? You know my tendency to avoid protagonists :P

42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song Need You Now

It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you nowSaid I wouldn’t call but I lost all control and I need you nowAnd I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now

Angsty and perfect for pining ships.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

LMAO I’ve never written a fic long enough for a plot twist to occur; B) I DON’T WRITE PLOT?? XD

44) What is the last line you wrote?

A victory, Kise should think, should be thinking. What is there instead is empathy, but sadness anyways. Oh Aominecchi…

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?

Not much. There are periods of time when I don’t want to write at all and I will find excuses of any kind to get off my laptop, or stay on, and just not write aha. What helps is typically at night when I feel semi-tired, I’ll be motivated to write enough to be a pleasant thought before bed.

46) I really loved your Try and Keep Trying fic. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?

GoM have a Winter Cup Banquet and there’s alcohol there. AoKise has done a lot more pining and both gotten better at hiding it. They meet awkwardly at the event becuz of their friends talking to each of their friends and then suddenly disappearing while AoKise are startled, staring at each other. Cautious tense talk tried to be made easier by both of them; Kise makes a joke like, “Alcohol would make this a little easier, right Aominecchi?”

And Aomine blurts out stupid becuz high strung, smth like, “Is that what you thought the last time?”

AND THEN, Kise is also high strung right, so his reply is probably something dumb; maybe a few more lines and then:

KISE ACCIDENTALLY CALLS HIM ‘DAIKI’ AND THEY BOTH JUST FREEZE AND BLUSH PROFUSELY BC THEY’RE REMINDED OF THE KISS AND FDSJFS AHO REALIZES KISE DID N O T FORGET - and he’ quick to press Kise for an explanation but Kise is sure this is going to lead to heartbreak, that Aomine’s frantic (heart beating at 12432 beats a second) and desperate (to know becuz becuz if Kise- if Ryouta-) demands of Kise to tell him the truth are from a place of piss/fury. When Aomine realizes Kise is only shying away from his emotional cornering/words more and more, Aomine does the only thing he can think of and kisses Kise again and again and again.

Kise realizes he means it, Aomine is almost heartbroken over how Kise couldn’t understand he meant it; both are overwhelmingly overjoyed becuz c’mon. MUTUAL pining, not just pining :P and then THAT turns into cautious, hopeful, cautious prompts for dating.

47) Here’s a fic title - In the man behold a child

(Uni AU)Aomine pines after Kise’s ass and he constantly sends him is inviting him: “C’mon Kise, kiss me and I’ll shut up forever.” and “C’mon Kise, I’d be a great fuckbuddy. No string attached but sex. I’ll be gone immediately.”, lots of, “C’mon Kise. I’m fun. I’ll give you want you want, what you need.” and more earnest and genuine stuff, “I know I sound like I’m kidding, and maybe parts of me were…but I meant it when I said I love you. And I’ll wait until you finally hear I’m fully serious.”

Eventually, Kise comes to realize he is serious. The fact that Aomine really has matured as a person over time and that he really loves Kise.  Who also realizes maybe a little bit of the fact that he’d never needed a real relationship because Aomine sort of checked off all the boxes; and so, (poetically aha; i thought of this at last moment XD) child Kise is also revealed in man Kise for being oblivious and little bit scared (because that’s what teens/kids are good at Aha?)

Ofc, then Kise finally says yes, though hesitant still; Aomine takes him slowly through love and all the good stuff :P

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?

Angst with a Happy Ending, Mutual Pining/Obliviousness & Uncertainty, Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers to Enemies to Friends to Lovers, anything with a slight of it’s hard and if we’re not being told we’re gonna make it through, how can i be reassured now that we will; but you’ve got friends to rely on so it’ll be okay OTHERWISE KNOWN AS Angst with a Happy Ending :P

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

Something from Warrior Cats

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

(Both both is good)

YOU CAN’T MAKE ME CHOOSE.

But like, if angst with a happy ending counts as angst??? Than that :PFluff is good but you have to have a reason that makes it even sweeter :P

[lesbiampire]

okay so i just have some notes on the bold type season two’s newest episode (betsy), aka what i’ve started calling ‘the gun episode’, because i have some serious issues with how the writers chose to do this one, as i’m sure many other people do.

so, i wasn’t surprised they chose to tackle this. tbt has always attempted hot-button topics, i just wasn’t expecting this one to feel so far removed from the characters, what they do, and what we know about them. did anyone have any clue sutton had a shotgun? has this ever been brought up before? if it has then i’m sorry, but to me it felt random and kind of forced its way into the narrative.

the episode starts and we find out that sutton’s instrument from school is actually a shotgun. okay. jane is understandably freaked out by this and sutton makes a show of how she thinks jane is overreacting - my first issue here is with this characterisation? because, has sutton been watching the same show as the rest of us? it’s pretty typical jane sloan behaviour to be freaked out by everything, and if sutton knew ‘she would react like this’, that shows just how much she should have told her. this isn’t just some secret from high school, it’s a weapon that has been living in their shared apartment! i’m sorry but sutton’s reaction is the most out-of-character thing i think i’ve seen all season, it was enough to make me pause the episode to let off some steam, it took something away from my viewing process.

my second issue is with jane’s reaction, or rather, the reason for her reaction. it’s very sensitive and i was seriously worried tbt would fuck it up. jane lived only a few miles away from columbine when it happened, and she even knows some people who died. introducing real-world events into tbt is nothing new and i commend its efforts for trying, but in this case it’s not the content of that so much as the way they consistently choose to characterise jane. my question is: why can’t jane just have opinions on things without having to have been influenced by some real-life event for her to feel that way? 

think about it. this is just one example - you also have her mom when it comes to the breast cancer episode back in season one, and also her reluctance towards christianity shown earlier this season is also because of a lived experience. they are painting jane as some kind of tragic heroine who has lived through a lot, and if she just has - fine! but it’s consistently used to validate her beliefs about things and at this point it feels tired, i look and jane and wonder why the writer’s seem to think she couldn’t have had an opinion on guns without this. any character who seems to have had no contact or knowledge about guns - for example kat - is shown to be almost apolitical towards the subject, and it’s not only lazy, in this episode it also subtly seems to be implying anyone who has an opinion on guns without this first-hand contact just... shouldn’t! what. isn’t that what most pro-gun people say when trying to defend their 2nd amendment rights?

it also feeds into my wider issues with jane’s characterisation, too. she was fired from incite because, true to her moral values or not, she does make things about herself. which is fine because personal, inward-looking journalism is interesting, and jane is clearly a-okay with being vulnerable and revealing in her work and that’s great. but she does it way too much, apparently so much the show now seems to think even outside of the writing room she can’t say or do or mean anything when it’s not in direct relation to herself or her own lived experience. in this episode, this comes across as particularly pointed and lacking because...

we’re being fed this “two sides of the story” bullshit. they’re utilising jane’s fault of not looking outward at those around her to preach that we should be paying attention to sutton’s point of view in this storyline. which, fair enough. usually i’m all for listening to those who have differing opinions - it’s the only better way to understand a topic and expand your own viewpoint. but, honestly, i’m okay to just not when it comes to gun control? especially when they make sutton say shit like “guns don’t kill people, people do.” i wanted to rip my own eye sockets out. i forgive sutton because she does seem to come around to the idea of guns actually being dangerous by the end of the episode, but they still never challenge that ideology and that leaves me questioning what the bold type was actually trying to say.

because, okay. if we absolutely had to do this, here’s how i would have done it. sutton has a gun, she has a gun for some very understandable reasons during her teenage years, she’s out with her friends shooting skeet (not birds, phew) and having a good time of it. i have no problem with this. what she’s doing in and of itself isn’t dangerous, and she’s doing it because she can’t handle the lack of control she seems to have in her own life. plus, she’s very good at it. okay - all that i can deal with. i'll even suspend my disbelief and say she hadn’t told jane due to her dreading jane’s reaction and the inevitable explanation. okay.

now, here’s where the bold type could have made an interesting statement: whilst sutton’s enjoyment of shooting skeet is valid and non-malicious, is her need to do that greater than other people’s need to be safe? the answer i would have gone for, as most viewers probably would have, is no. that way, they could have still explored sutton’s character and history without having to have her preach some scary ideology for the sake of “hearing both sides”. jane does need to hear more sides than her own, this is true, but exploring this issue with her character in this episode was not a good choice. having other characters like kat be completely neutral to this is almost unbelievable, and generally, the entire episode is a bit of a shambles. sorry to tbt, which i do adore, but you guys really missed your mark on this one.

[stupidpianist]

5 november 2018

13:02: We made it to 40,000 words. Don’t know why this is any more of a landmark than, say, 30k, or 50k, but it felt like a good point to mark our progress. It’s like, wow, we got this far; not without hiccups, of course, and, like, off days when we just didn’t update the blog, but for the most part it’s been pretty consistent, these last two days notwithstanding (haha irony). Wanted to do something “big and new” for this one, something therapeutic, that might help “sort some things out” that I need sorted out in my life right now. Don’t really know how I’m going to do this, but just going to sort of let things “flow out naturally” in this update, I guess?? This isn’t going to be like the other updates, it’s going to be even more egocentric and it’s going to be entirely focused on “me myself and I” in a way that even thinking about it now I’m finding disgusting. Considered writing something like this and then just not posting it, but then was like, no, include this in your experiment, “get it all out there.”

Just forewarning you that this is gonna be really annoyingly self-centred, it’s just going to be an update of me trying to figure out what the heck I’m doing with my life, because I really don’t have a lot of time and I have a lot of things I need to “fix” or “repair” or at least “amend” a bit in this bit of time that I have, before, like, I need to send out applications and whatnot.

But, since this is still a liveblog update, here’s, really briefly, what I’ve done, and what I’m gonna do today:

-Woke up at seven in the morning after getting three hours of sleep

-Felt in a complete dream state, physically couldn’t lift myself off of the mattress

-Continually shut off alarms while still being consciously dreaming (didn’t commit the dreams to memory, though, can’t remember what they are now…)

-Finally got out of bed at 10h50, knowing that I had to make it to my 11h30 class

-Decided against showering, thought, “you shower too much,” splashed water on my head and hair, “chugged” some water, brushed, put on work clothes

-Checked weather via Google Home Mini device, had a brief conversation with Google Home on how they were doing

-Went to piano pedagogy class, stopped for a Monster “Zero Ultra,” which I’ve never had before, was pleasantly surprised at taste; chose it because I didn’t want anything with sugar, even if I know about the detriments of sugar substitutes. Was focusing mainly on not wanting more cavities.

-In library now working on “commemorative” “we made it to 40k liveblog update”

-After this, going to send out a bunch of administrative-related e-mails, read some Foucault (bought a copy of Surveiller et punir finally, really looking to “get into it”), go to my work shift, finish my work shift, practice piano, go home, work out, shower, try not to feel worried

-At some point will also go get a banh mi or something from the music cafeteria because I neglected to pack a salad

So here we go, I guess. Going to put another warning:

!!!!DO NOT READ THIS, LIKE, it’s NOT GOING to be FUN, it’s not going to be interesting, just going to be me ruminating on my own life and trying to work through some stuff, THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING!!!!

Okay, so, feel like I need to be honest with myself, yeah, which is not something I think I’ve done in a while. Need to really analyze what I’m good at, what I’m not good at, and, from both lists, what I want to work on. Reminded of scene in Nightcrawler when Jake Gyllenhaal’s character has a monologue, asking the question, wait, hold on, let me just pull up the script, actually--“Last year I took an online business course, for example. I learned you have to have a business plan before starting a business, and that why you pursue something is as important as what you pursue. The site advised you to answer the following question before deciding where to focus your abilities. The question was ‘What do I love to do?’ The site suggested making a list of my strengths and weaknesses. What are you good at? And what are you not that good at? Maybe you want to strengthen and develop knowledge about the things you’re already good at. Or maybe you might want to strengthen your weaknesses.” Not that I’m trying to, like, model my life after that character no not at all I just was thinking about that scene and that I’m doing something similar.

I think one of the worst aspects of my personality is that I’m particularly disagreeable by nature. After taking a psych personality assessment test with a pool of more than 10,000 samples, I scored in the 2nd percentile of agreeableness. I mean, interpersonally this poses a lot of problems to address, but I think right now I need to slap myself in the face because a lot of my issues stem from the fact that I can’t, or, like, historically, cannot seem to get myself to do anything that I don’t want to do. I don’t think it’s laziness--though I’m definitely also lazy--because I’ll, like, read for eight hours on a topic I’m interested in and not feel drained or exhausted, but on the other hand, if I’m taking a course and we’re on a chapter that doesn’t interest me, the amount of effort it takes to get me to even skim the summary of said chapter seems egregiously high, compared to most people I know. Especially after taking all these psych courses this semester, and learning about the concept of personality, feels like I need to somehow grapple with this, because I can’t keep going through life only doing things I want to do. This leaves a lot of other things in a state of disarray, and if those things aren’t sorted out, it makes it a lot harder, or, sometimes, even impossible, to do the things I actually want to do.

Like, as an example, I already made a list of the professors I wanted to ask for recommendation letters. This list has been in existence for a long time, like, a l-o-n-g time, but I neglected to e-mail them to ask them for the recommendation until just a few days ago. This gives them just a month to write the letters, which isn’t ideal. The only reason I didn’t send out the e-mail, took the tiny amount of thirty minutes to send them out, was because I was like, “I hate doing administrative/bureaucratic things, hate communicating in this way, hate the application process, I’m not going to do it, I refuse.” Until, I was like, “okay, George, if you don’t send out these e-mails nOW, you’re not going to have recommendations, and if you don’t have recommendations you’re literally not going to be able to complete your applications, and if you don’t complete your applications, you will literally have 0 chance of getting into any school, let alone one you want to actually attend.” So I finally did it. And it was just because I was in my disagreeable little bubble of, “I’m not gonna do it, I refuse, I don’t like this.”

So this is now something that I’m hyper aware of. I think the solution to this is to acknowledge that I have a personal responsibility to myself, and to others, to accomplish these tasks, if for no other reason than they facilitate the ability to do whatever the hell I want. If I remember that, if I keep just telling myself that there are some things that are just unfortunately non-negotiable GIVEN THAT I want to do x, y, and z, then I’ll be more likely to accomplish the non-negotiable task to get to x, y, and z. I can feel this working, and it’s a small step, but I’ve never contended with being disagreeable before, I always just accepted it, like, “yup, too bad I guess.” And I am not saying I want to change that, it feels extremely inherent, to me, or, like, it’s immutable in my personality, I just want to adapt and find more ways to operate in the world so that I don’t only have one manner of being, which in itself is extremely constricting, and I want to be as adaptable as possible, just personally, it’s something that I value.

So that’s one thing that’s been on my mind, the other is that I’ve got to admit to myself when I’ve got too much to handle. This is something else I always do with myself, I always downplay everything as if I was smarter than I actually am, I’ll go, like, “oh, that’s going to be a cakewalk, you don’t have to study at all for that,” and, “you know the piece better than you think, just wing the performance, you got this, it’ll be fine.” And then if I have a bunch of tasks that I have to do, like right now, I’ll just keep lying, I’ll keep going, “whatever, George, you can handle this, this is nothing, this is a breeze,” but it rarely ever is a breeze, and if I’m really thinking honestly, I carry pretty consistently high levels of stress and anxiety that I know would be lower if I just accepted that I’m really not as smart as I think I am, and that I need to put in more work than I think I should.

Also need to be like, this isn’t a sign of weakness, or something, like, it’s far weaker to consistently lie to oneself about their abilities. Need to be like, it’s okay to acknowledge, internally and externally, that I’ve got a lot of things to do and I’m not sure I can accomplish them all to a good degree, and that I’m really struggling, because right now I’m actually struggling a lot. Have to prepare and record my prescreenings, finish application packets, on top of keeping up with my five psych courses with finals coming up real soon, and an increased work schedule since my promotion. That’s, for me, okay I’m going to say it, that’s a lot of work for me. And the amount of work that anyone can handle varies from person-to-person and that’s fine, it has no bearing on how “weak” they are, how “weak” they are is only in how they approach the work that they have, right? So I’m freaking out, yeah, if I’m being honest I’m freaking out a lot, and I’m extremely bad at expressing myself, especially face-to-face, with most people, and it’s not that it’s “difficult for me to say these things,” it’s more like, how should I say… It’s more like it doesn’t even occur to me to say, because I’ve gotten so adept at lying to myself that, in a lot of circumstances, I genuinely think that I can take on more than I actually can.

There, that felt good to write, I liked writing that, even if it made me a little sad. Don’t know why it’s making me sad, but I’m going to let myself feel that, just going to let myself feel that way.

Then it’s also like, what are my value systems? What are my frameworks for life? Why am I even applying to master’s programs? Am I doing it for myself, or am I still doing it for my parents? What do I want to get out of life, and how should I go about accomplishing that? So, like, it’d be amazing to teach piano at a university level, it’d be great to be a professor, so it’d be really great to have at least a master’s degree. I want to publish papers and I have a lot to say about a lot of music-related topics, so I want to continue in academia, but on my own terms; there’s so many issues I have, and I’m sure everyone has, with the way the academic sphere is currently run, and I want to do my best to change it, hopefully, for the better. But then, what school do I want to go to?

Going to say something here now that will probably upset my parents a lot, but I really don’t feel that the school, to me, matters nearly as much as the people I’m around. Of course, if the institution is terrible, then it’d be extremely difficult to operate there, but, after a certain baseline, which I cannot really computatively compute and put down in definitive terms, all these institutions feel like small variations of each other. I know it when I feel it, I guess, like, if a place has faculty I like, and facilities that are up to a certain level, then the school itself matters less to me than the location of the school, and the people I’m going to be around. If I got into a “top-ranking” school and got a huge scholarship, but it would mean extricating myself from significant people in my life, I would voluntarily take out a massive student loan on myself and attend a school that would put me in closer proximity to those people.

I think this is because, with more time, I’m more receptive towards the random-seeming nature of everything; people’s lives change on a second-to-second basis, without any provocation or planning, and even when people plan out an intricate future, the reality deviates in such immediate and harsh ways that those predictions 99.99% of the time just are never accurate. So, like, if I’m confident in my own abilities as an academic and as a pianist, then I’m going to a location which I feel would provide me with the most stimulation, the most possibility for personal growth, the best people that I want to keep in my life, and not relocate myself to a place with an ostensibly better “school,” because who’s to say, ever, if it would actually have any positive impact on my later life??

This isn’t making much sense, I’m reading this over and it sounds like blither. It makes sense in my head, trust me, and I’m trying to put it down as clearly as I can. Maybe I’m being too verbose. I don’t know, does it make sense?? All I’m trying to say is, whatever school I choose, the criteria for why I’m going there is going to depend more on the location (how’s the architecture? is there night life? is there a cafe in the area within walkable distance of campus that i really like? are the library chairs comfortable?), more on the people (are they stimulating? do i empathize with enough of them? do i feel comfortable amongst the local culture?), than on, like, the supposed quality of the institution.

I’m making a big deal out of this, I know, but it’s just because to me it is a big deal; it’s a really new mode of thinking that I’ve never really interfaced with, I’ve been told, growing up, consistently, that a “good institution” is what to strive for, and I’m understanding that my worldview simply isn’t compatible with that notion.

So now I’m going to need to create some kind of support network for myself, which is another thing I’ve stubbornly avoided doing, just telling myself, “you’re tough enough not to have one.” This is a lie, and an impossibility. I need to put myself in positions where I’m more likely to have a positive outcome. I don’t trust myself nearly enough to consistently make healthy choices in my life, because that’s not something historically I’ve ever done, so I can’t expect myself to start doing it. What I need to do, I think, is to try and frame the things I do in the day in such a way that they’re conducive and lead to more positive things, on a purely, like, mathematical level. So, like, I can’t trust myself to eat breakfast or lunch. So, a way that I can try and make sure I do in fact eat breakfast and lunch is to wake up at an earlier time than the 10h/11h that I wake up most days. That way, since I’m naturally up more hours, I’ll naturally be hungrier, so I’ll naturally seek out food for breakfast and lunch.

Or, as another example, I can’t trust myself to practice piano for an adequate amount of hours. Like, I really like my playing, and I have a really high-resolution and clear understanding of where I slot in, in terms of pianistic ability, but it could definitely be better if I just made sure I practiced even just a bit more a day. So, if I make a seemingly unrelated decision, like, instead of going to McLennan, make sure you use the music library to a 2:1 ratio that you use McLennan, just by virtue of being in the music library, surrounded by scores and reminders of music, I’ll naturally just be like, “oh hey, I’m itching to play that piece right now” more.

That’s what my plan is, going to try and “set myself up” for inadvertent-but-positive decisions, rather than just naturally going through each day doing “what I want to do,” which usually results in, like, some productivity, and I am still usually getting things done, but it also leads to consistently poor decision making, like, procrastinating on tasks, or spending too long on YouTube.

This is a nice segue, I guess, into my relationship with technology. For years I’ve always used the internet a lot, like, a lot, and in a way this has been great, I’m pretty fricken good with technology, and not just, like programming, or something, but like, I’m fluent with the hardware, and with, like, a staggering amount of software. If I need to figure out how to do something new related to technology, I’ve used it to such a degree that it’s preternatural, and I can sort of “feel out” how to do it intuitively. This is a positive, I think, a definite positive. On the other end of that spectrum, though, is that I interact with social media, and with other people, in a way that I am starting to feel personally disgusted with. I use it as an outlet to feed my personal ego, to try and “be funny,” and to be provocative. Everyone has a public persona, and there’s nothing wrong with this, but I don’t want to view the general public in such a staged way anymore, I think. I used to get a lot out of it, but now, it just feels like I’ve foregone actually interacting with people in favour of, like, experimenting with them.

I want to use social media less, and this has already happened. I wrote a script that deleted every one of my Facebook posts I’ve ever made, like, they’re permanently gone, wiped, so I’ve got a clean slate. And I’m going to use this opportunity to use that clean slate to push updates on things that I’m genuinely interested in, not just in things that I think will make people laugh, or something. I mean, I love making people laugh and feel good, so those things will still come, but I need to stop thinking and participating socially in a manner that, sometimes, focuses exclusively on people’s reactions. I am far too concerned, in a really damaging way, what people think of me. Sometimes this isn’t a bad thing, like, I’m hyper aware of trying to be polite and to not do anything that would annoy the people around me. I am constantly thinking about how to be a respectful person, which I think a lot of the time is good. But it’s also really debilitating because it also means that I’m constantly assessing if what I’m doing is impressive, if enough people are intrigued by me, if people find me fascinating. I need to stop caring about that. The people who find me genuinely interesting will still find me genuinely interesting just by virtue of me being myself. I don’t need to constantly be putting on some kind of act, reassessing the value of that act via the reactions of the people around me.

So I’ve really cut down on my use of Facebook and Instagram, this was, surprisingly, not difficult to do; it felt really natural, just a natural progression in my life, and it’s actually made me feel a lot better, a lot less anxious, a lot more comfortable just operating and going through each day.

I guess everything that I’ve said above could just be summated in that I’m trying to be honest with myself. I guess it’s been a long while since I’ve made an attempt at this; I have a perception of myself that’s gotten so skewed and off that it’s not only inaccurate, it’s dangerous. I can’t keep operating life with this false supposition that I’m actually a lot better at things that I’m not. It’s fine to be bad at things, it’s not fine to lie about being good at them and then, by extension, refusing to grow as an individual and improve on those things. It’s not fine to make excuses for one’s own behaviour, in order to reaffirm a framework of existence that’s only there because one is too lazy, or unwilling to modify it to make it better. I need sleep, I’m not someone who can operate on four hours or anything. I need to eat, I can’t pretend that eating one meal a day is somehow acceptable. I lack mathematical ability, and it’s difficult for me to understand, let alone implement, mathematical concepts, without significant effort. My writing tends to be over stylized, not well thought out, conceptually relying on low-hanging fruit. My papers rely on handfuls of small observations without ever materializing to anything significant. It’s easier, and more pleasant, for me to lie to myself, rather than want to actually work on myself. I’m far too judgmental of everyone. This list could go on forever yada yada wow jesus did I really just write all that about myself?

Feel like this is a good place to stop with this. “Got this out of my system.” Apologising again, I feel weird just penning an entire blog post to such obvious revelations, but I feel severely underdeveloped as a person, especially compared to some other people my age that I interact with, so while this might have been discovered a long time ago by a lot of you, I’m only just now coming to terms with it. Going to stop it there, that’s a whole lot about me, and I’m exhausted at writing about myself.

Hey now seems like a good time to get a sandwich, I think!! Going to go do that, grab a banh mi and a coconut water or something, going to eat it while listening to music and maybe reading some Foucault. Still have three hours before work starts, so I’ll go to McLennan, up to the top floor that I love, to some unused grad student’s carrel, where I’ll be able to look out over this part of Montreal. Then I’m going to alternate between reading and sending out these e-mails I’ve been putting off. I feel like I’ve grown more in this past semester than I have in the entire other years of my undergraduate “career.” Don’t know why this is happening, but I like it, even if it’s been an extremely difficult period in my life. Getting a mental image of animals molting, thinking, like, “it’s always difficult to move into the next stage of your life,” or something.

Can’t live as someone you dislike, or you’re going to be miserable all the time. Need to continue working, not pretending that I have the traits that I like. Need to actually work to attain those traits, to deserve those traits, to possess those traits, so that I actually like myself. Feeling good, yeah, yeah, I’m grinning.

Will update this later. Feeling myself “maturing,” or something silly like that hahah. Feeling a pleasant resignation of something I can’t place. Feeling good.

15:06: Okay I actually have less time than I thought, I misread the work schedule, the event starts at 17h which means I have to get there at 16h. Also forgot that I have to do an assignment for my behavioural neuroscience course that I’m ages behind in. The assignment itself shouldn’t be hard but it’s a reminder that I need to start studying for the upcoming second midterm thing for it. But since I only have, like, forty minutes or so right now I think I’m going to use that time to try and get through a bit of the Foucault? Feel very interested in that right now, seems like a good way, too, to act as a bit of an intermission of other tasks I need to do today. Just as a way of getting organized here are the tasks I need to remember:

-sleep earlier to get up for 08h30 lecture, need to wake early

-do psych assignment

-respond to e-mails

-practice piano

-if time, work out

-shower

-cook dinner

This list isn’t in any particular order, just wanted to, like, “get down on paper” this so that I don’t forget, like, I just remembered the psych assignment while walking to the library, is how “out of it” I am today.

18:34: In practice room now after my work shift. I really like working with my bosses, both of them are great. Did a gigantic training shift yesterday, today’s shift was only two and a half hours, so that was nice that I didn’t have to stay in the booth for HOURS AND HOURS, which is a good environment but also like, if it’s for hOURS AND HOURS it can feel a little oppressive.

Feel excited to get some practicing done, feel like what I’ll do is practice until I can’t concentrate anymore (thinking of Tao Lin’s Can’t Concentrate Manatee, will post a pic of it below), which won’t take very long given that I barely slept last night. Then I’ll head to the music library and do my psych assignment so that I don’t just go home and immediately slack off (always harder to slack in public than slack alone). Feeling myself “setting myself up” for a more productive environment, if I don’t go home immediately after piano I have a statistically higher chance of not immediately going on YouTube, or something.

Okay time for finger exercises.

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 9: “-28... negative. 28. negative. twenty. eight.” - Jason

i'm fully a psycho, i practiced my acting in the mirror to pretend I accidentally voted Ian. its a mess. a REAL mess. and I might have done it for no reason, they took it super well so maybe I... shouldn't tell Jason...

i literally am why Ian left. I wanted him out since round two, and I made it happen even though nobody wanted it to. I FINALLY ACTUALLY MADE A MOVE IN A GAME. I FINALLY DID SOMETHING I'M SO HAPPY asldfa. I could CRY, I can leave this game happy.

um da fuck alalkdgh well I aldlkj so alkjdfc;l.

^ decipher thats all I got.

No honestly I don't know what to think right now. Everyone went crazy last tribal and I feel like I need to explain myself a little bit? First off my alliance voted someone oppositely of what they told me they'd do. And secondly, they used me as a total fallback. And what made it me CRACKED asf was that they told me none of it. Like we talked in the morning about how shit was going to go down tonight and decided on Jason. We were all in agreement and it was in motion. Later Tom asked me what the vote was and I was told to tell him Ian. Except Alex told me that he told him Me. Without warning me. At all. Which is like shitty. So I kinda got paranoid and started asking around and seeing what was what, and thats when Tom came up to me and said that there was a big blindside to vote me off led by Alex. Of course, my initial thought was that this could be happening and he made this big plan to vote off Alex and I talked to Ali about it but ULTIMATELY I decided to go with Jason as I promised. My mistake I guess was telling Jones, who I really trusted, saying that they wanted to make a move on Alex but I trusted him and said I voted Jason. I only said so because I was worried that it might fall through and I might need to be saved by her idol. Which I know is hers of course and I don't want to dictate when she can use it but with this insanity going around I just was really nervous. But honestly I can't believe that Alex and them all just decided against voting Jason without telling me. They said it was to save me, which of course is true, but they didn't tell me. And it was SHITTY for Alex to not tell me that he threw my name to Tom, like truly dumb. I know I've said I might want him out soon a lot, but honestly I HAVE NO IDEA what I'm going to be doing with the next tribal. I do wanna say tho that I like him as a person a whole lot! He's sweet and loyal and really kind, I just think he's gonna end up dominating this game if people let him.

PS I don't know if Julia has a problem with me. We were suppose to be voting together for Jason, and while she doesn't owe me anything, she just wouldn't talk to me. Like I think I wouldn't have CRACKED so hard if I could just reach her and get a grip on how she was voting.

She's being chaotic on purpose but only to me? I don't get it.

okay I'm off the alliance call. I just sent a really like emo paragraph to my hostchat but I'm so happy, which is gross because I just did Ian so dirty but lemme explain.

I have played 7 games before this (3 Survivor, 4 Big Brother) - I've come 2nd in five of those games, and without exception I have never EVER played a game I'm proud of. I always make fun of my game for being crap. Like I'm always a goat, always crap, and always play passively.

I'm so excited about this season and this game because... I'm finally playing the game and a game I am proud of. Like I'm not fussed about winning or making FTC, because lets be real, it fully is not happening, but I wanna leave the season proud of my game. And I already so am, like... I've wanted Ian out since round two, and I've been determined to make it happen.

And I did that. I literally was angling to get him out via a vote switch and then when the vote split came up, I knew exactly what to do. I knew Ian would be less willing to make amends and more able to make connections. I knew Ian was a threat and so urgently needed to be removed because he could keep a grip on the game.

I can't believe that. In a tribe of twelve people, where nobody wanted Ian out (the four votes for him were all just for the sake of a vote split), and I singlehandedly forced it through. I saw a target, knew to make a move and got them out. IM SO HAPPY.

in other news... I am a psycho, I literally went to a mirror, practised how to look shocked and then went on that call and acted my HEART OUT. I think people bought it, but it is. the. most. cracked. thing. I. have. ever. done.

I'm now kinda stuck, because I have two options. Either I tell Jason what I did earning his trust, or I just... try and work with Jason without telling him. One is riskier with more potential long term benefit, and one is a much safer bet. I am gonna think on it and decide tomorrow.

Also I was really mean about Jones, Mo & Alex in my confessionals earlier. I take it back, on calls they are so FUN. I think they just aren't texting people so I don't judge. Doesn't mean I necessarily wanna go too far with them, but I love them as people and feel bad for being mean.

also since this round solidified that much as I'm proud of my game, I'm not making FTC, I'd rank people in the order I'd vote for them as a juror as:

Jules > Alex > Mitch > Tom > Benj > Jones > Julia > Jason > Caeleb > Mo

Jules/Alex/Mitch seem very switched on, Tom making it to the end would be a real underdog journey, Benj is a king and has the right idea with an undercover duo, Jones/Julia savvy queens, Jason actually also has an underdog story we will need to see with that one, Caeleb telling Jones about the Alex plan is a real dumb move imo which lowers his rank for me. Mo is my SON and I love him but would need to see more game from him to be comfortable voting him at FTC in any scenario.

also ian talking about dom not deserving to win switzerland set off kill bill red flags for me. nobody who talks about dom negatively lives to tell the tale, you go BYEBYE. but also ian ilysm, like you were a major threat and had to go, but on a personal level i love you with my whole heart.

okay last confessional for now, the two moods:

June 30th yeehaw

July 2nd

Extra notes:

Benj and i are working on the idol hunt together and I’m already on like,, 30 w him so it’s gucci, I’m not gonna tell Alex ab it or anything bc I kinda wanna try and stray away from him a bit?? Like he doesn’t have to know EVERYTHING Ab my advantages yk?

And I’m probs not gonna try and use the vote cover on anyone rn bc every single one of my allies is like,,, up for exposure???? So that’s wacky,,

Also bc Ian was absolutely ROBBED of jury we’re thinking it’s a F2

Bc OF COURSE IT IS which I’m not mad ab but I have to think ab who i’d Really want to sit with,,, best case scenario for me is probs Benj,, maybe Mo? Not too sure,, but um ya barbecue sauce on my thiddies here we go into f11 onward and upward amirite

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGv10gbJxVU

this was b4 tribal 

So I lost Ian... and I'm kinda mad about it! I can't help but feel like I'm on my way to the jury because even the next day people are still acting super weird with me. I don't really understand how I'm a threat to anyone right now though??? Like I guess the Me/Ian power duo thing was valid but Ian's gone now so that argument should be moot.

I have no idea what to do moving forward. Up this point my game has been based on how I interpret conversations with people and how much I thought I could trust them... but I can't do shit if no one wants to talk to me (and I cannot stress ENOUGH how much sense this doesn't make).

The one good thing about me staying in the game I guess is I now have free reign to do whatever the fuck I want with my time left here. If I can blow up as many games as possible and stir the pot as much as I can at least I go out having fun?? Right?? But bottom line is I fully intend on lone-wolfing this game for however long I'm still here for.

My current first steps are to first throw Julia under the bus to Caeleb, and hopefully get something going with Caeleb. If I'm in with Caeleb, it might help with Alex, Jones, and Mo using me as a number.

Next is to pretty much sell my soul to the kingpin of this entire thing right now, Alex. I'm imagining a faux-Phillip Sheppard scenario where I tell Alex he owns my vote, but he doesn't really. I have no clue if he'd bite but it's worth trying because what the fuck else do I have left.

On the topic of Alex, I could also try to shift his attention into targeting someone like Mitch or Benj? I can embellish a little bit and tell Alex that Mitch is spreading a rumor that he has the Dirt People Idol or something along those lines.

Next on the (tentative) agenda is to talk with Jules and try to see where I stand with her. For some reason I feel the most burned by her from last tribal?? I don't trust her at all but as long as she thinks that door is still open I'll hear what she has to say. Maybe I can guilt her into giving me more info as well?

And the last thing I can think of is try making a better connection with Mo and Jones, and hopefully start some sort of game relationship with those two. I don't really see myself getting far with this one considering these two have been hit or miss in the conversations I've had with them, but there isn't anything worth not trying at this point.

Back to a less gamebotty point of view, I've honestly been oscillating between being angry and being upset about how last tribal broke down, mainly because I feel like Ali, Julia, and Mitch could've waited a lot longer to do something like this if they were worried about me and Ian (which I still believe they had very little reason to be worried right now in the first place). But I also feel like I had 9 doors slam in my face and the only person I can still be real with is Tom. I'm back at square one and I'm not happy about it, but I didn't come back to this godforsaken ORG to go down easy so I've gotta keep moving for as long as I can.

(Also I need to be willing to let go of Tom. I'm not gonna go out of my way to burn him, but I'm also beyond the point of wanting to stick my neck out too far for him. My longevity is the only priority right now.)

okay so... this vote is operation get Caeleb out of here. I really wanted to work with Caeleb, and I think he could have been a really useful number, but like... him telling Jones about the plan to vote Alex really, really rubbed me the wrong way. Like I do not trust him at all after that, I really do not know where we are at now.

So here is the goal. I'm about to call Jason and hopefully get him back on side. Then hopefully between Jules and I, we can convince Space Jam to vote Caeleb (I'm still confused how close he is to Mo/Jones/Alex, could be a good test). With Caeleb, a potential number for them, out of the way, next round its time for a big move, its time for one of Jones/Alex/Mo to go.

The numbers for that move would be (hopefully) Me, Jules, Julia, Tom, Jason, Mitch (6/10) + Benj hopefully, or at worst I'll just keep him in the loop. I really think Caeleb going could be so so good, it really opens up numbers and weakens Jones/Mo/Alex - it also narrows down where the idol is, something that we have to stay conscious of.

At the moment, my closest allies are definitely Jules and Benj. Jules is just.... the best, so woke, so on the ball, I am LOVING playing this season with them. Benj is such a king, my earliest like 'proper' ally even though Julia approached me after like 0.5 seconds in the game ha. I love Benj, and at the moment he also is quite out of the loop, he could also be a workable FTC option. I'm really stuck with Jules and FTC - you would be crazy to take Jules, as articulate and smart as they are, to FTC, but I really don't think I could face writing Jules' name down, I would feel AWFUL.

Also thoughts on Tom? He is too good for this world, he was so sweet about Ian/Jason going and like I really relate to the emotions he feels in games, on a personal level he is the best.

I feel like my plan going forwards is vote off Caeleb, then Alex, then Jones/Mo, and then figure it out from there. I really think if I play it right, I can slowly and calmly continue to have real swing over this game, I'm mc'loving it.

Also, because I keep doing this and its a fun pattern at this point, this is the order in which I would vote for people at FTC, if I go 11th at the moment:

Jules > Jason > Alex > Julia > Mitch > Jones > Tom > Benj > Caeleb > Mo

okay i just called Jason, such a king! i feel like i was VERY awkward, and I like I didn't articulate myself very well, but... he gets that we are going to need to potentially pull some shenanigans. I really want Caeleb then Alex, but if we need to just do Alex first, I can deal with that.

I think ideal situation is Tom wins immunity, Space Jam wants to vote Caeleb - we all go along with it, and then Alex goes next round, but we will see eek!

Oh wow hi it’s me, Mo.

So here’s the rundown on what’s happened the past couple rounds for my dumbass. First let’s start off with getting to merge, it’s a talent of mine, don’t look at my Italy placement. We’re out of that dumb fucking cave so no more waiting which is great. Another cool thing is I’m actually allies with Julia now which is weird because I’m going to be honest I was terrified of her going into this game. We had a past game experience that made me fearful. But now I’m sitting comfy in a majority alliance with Alex, Ali, Jones, Jules & Julia. By the way this is a first time thing for me, being in a majority alliance during merge. So this at least guarantees me final 7 or 6. It took me four tries to spell guarantees, who’s idea was it to put the u in front of the a it’s fucking stupid. But like here’s the thing, my gameplay is somewhat underwhelming. Basically my game relies on jury management and likability. Because I can’t strategize for shit, I just kinda smile and waddle forward when a door opens. I thought at this part of the game I would be close allies with Tom again but that didn’t happen. Apparently JJ told Tom about an alliance made in old Durmitor with Alex, Jules, Jones & Evan??? Made to like simmer JJ down. So now Tom doesn’t want to work with any of them (Which mind you three of them are my close allies) so he confronted Alex about it and I think he was like butthurt about not being included??? But like bitch I wasn’t included either but I’m not sulking about it. It wasn’t even a serious alliance. Also back to my alliances, sorry I know this is mixed up. MESSY, WHO BROUGHT NAPKINS IM GETTING MESSY. But I was also in an alliance with Alex, Jones & Caeleb after the swap. Called the Durmitor Dominators which is still a thing. But Caeleb wasn’t added to the Space Jam alliance with the group of 6 so I’m like??? What’s going on there??? I should probably talk about it with Alex because I am confusion. Also now there’s this new twist since we got out of the Dua Lipa cave, now we have to adjust to the sunlight with this exposure twist which basically means whoever gets eliminated gets to expose three people and whoever is exposed still by the tribal has to write who they’re voting for in chat. So I love that. But that’s about it for me thank you for taking the time to read this.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE VOTING JASON AT ALL THE FUCK I WANT TO GET ALEX THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BUT NO CAELEB APPARENTLY WANTS TO VOTE JASON I HATE THIS THEY REALLY ARE TRYING TO GET MY HOMIE JASON OUT!!! WAS I CONSPIRING AGAINST HIM AND IAN ALL WEEK? MAYBE SO! BUT I DON'T WANT HIM OUT YET!!! I DON'T!! WE ARE TRYING TO BLINDSIDE ALEX BUT THIS AIN'T WORKING UGHGHGHGHG *STOMPS ON THE GROUND* UGHGHGHGH I HATE THIS GOODBYE

Sooo besides the fact that it took me 5 minutes to find the confessional tab because I havent been doing these im here to update!!! Ian was just voted out and although i'm fine with it for now, I was NOT expecting a split vote. That makes me feel a little bit nervous going further into the game. I did think it was beneficial to split up the Jason/Ian duo but i was expecting Jason to go; not Ian. Anywho im almost positive im in the same predicament this vote. I've mended my relationship with Jason and im working very well with Tom to flip the script on Alex (who I believe to be running the game). Typically I would wait a few more rounds to get Alex out, but if everyone is playing for him to win, I might miss my opportunity like I did in my last season. I'm not blind! I'll do whatever it takes to go far and put myself in people's endgames. RN swapped Durmitor has the power. I dont necessarily like that because although im not on bad terms with them, I'm definitely on the bottom of that totem pole.

Tom sent seven confessionals in a row to be put at different places throughout this and last episode??? I guess??? But no thank you, so enjoy the thoughts in the order he apparently had them. ~Drew

*1 hour before tribal*

WHY IS ALEX SO CRACKED HONESTLY alex has said ian, caeleb and jason to 3 people i dont understand i am most likely getting played here but i dont want any of them to go, i see very high potential when working with all three of them so i think im going to try to make a big move and take out alex. I'm immune this round but next round im not so its a bit risky. I think Ali and Jules would be on board if there was the numbers there so if me ian jason julia ali and caeleb all voted together that would be majority and alex would be the first blindside of the game....

Tom

*10 hours before tribal council*

Everyone is pretty much dead silence i feel like everyone has an idea of who they would like to target but no one is really wanting to be the first person to throw a name out there so like its gonna get so fucking messy whilst im asleep and imma wake up to one big mess i already know it

Tom

*1-2 hours before tribal*

Okay so I've just woken up and i just spoke to alex and he seems like he just wants to do anything to get his ass safe this round which is sketch af, he is saying the vote is caeleb to me so thats cool and all but i asked caeleb what he was hearing just to get both sides and caeleb said alex said jason..... so like wtf is alex trying to do.....

TOM

ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION sinking ship is near i cba voting for alex now that he has told jones, he did the same thing as evan and i am just ready for his ass to go out the door ugh im so annoyed!

Tom

OKAY I CANNOT DEAL WHO THE FUCK IS THIS CAELEB KID HONESTLY WHY ARE YOU SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT WHY DID YOU GO AND TELL JONES LITERALLY ALL OF WHAT I SAID....ITS A KNOWN FACT THAT THEY'RE A DUO OPEN YOUR STUPID EYES IDIOT!!!! THANKS SO MUCH NOW IMMA GET FUCKED OVER AND GET TARGETED BY ALEX AND HIS MINIONS NEXT ROUND. THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR TRYING TO SAVE SOMEONE I WANT TO WORK WITH IN THIS GAME....

Tom

*Tribal just happened*

Oh okay uhm well thats just fucking sad. I would like to say i never cry when a close ally is eliminated but i am a mess, i am crying right now at work and my driver is like "uhm are you okay..." yeah man im okay just crying over an ally that essentially died because i cant even speak to him anymore rip :( I miss ian so much i am so fucking furious that i am blindsided again at merge tho.... also really 9 people were in on that blindside split vote.....WOW! I am so surprised that ali and jules didnt tell me about the plan tbh they can say all they want about how they thought i knew but like if you thought i knew you should've just spoken to me about the vote.... like WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SPLIT UP JIAN when JONEX is still in the game they're much more dangerous and so much harder to get out every round we get closer.

Tom

waa waaa waaa call the wambulance! My plan is working so far i think tbh, mitch has been very responsive about this round and i am fairly certain that he has realised how fucked of a position he is in this game without me and jason here so he made an alliance chat which is good because that means he will work with us even just for this round. I think a lot of people now jian is out, have realised the next big big duo in this game is jalex so hopefully the movement on them occurs!

Tom

*hour after tribal*

Okay so this is shit me and jason are in minority and will most likely get votes split against us.... time to do something about it, in the past merges ive been too ive been in the bottom, and i was taken out this time it wont be happening as much as alex would like it too i will not let it happen! This cast seems to have fairly emotional sympathetic people in this game so imma express how sad i was at the tribal say i was balling my eyes out when ian left and how i feel so down and out and that i am very lost and sad in this game. Because this will make people feel bad for not including me in the plans and also it will create conversation for them to work with me to build my spirits up again and make me happy.

Just thinking about this exposure twist. Kinda cool actually. I'm surprised to say it but I think this might be the type of thing that I like to see??? Who am I. Kinda wish the reward challenge was more of a flash game over a typing game, only because I wanna know how hard the winner worked to get that score. Like for typing you kinda either are already good at it prior or you're shit at it, so I can't tell if Alex put in a bunch of time and effort to win. If it was some weird flash game that had a steep learning curve then I would know better and have a better grip on the game Alex is playing. Regardless, kinda excited about Benj having the curse because I think(?) that we can use that to actually do something crazy? Like I'm thinking a 5 vote blindside tie type situation where Benj throws out a red herring type of vote. We'll see, but I think I need to keep a low profile so who knows if that'll come to fruition.

okay mitch! has! been! elevated! to! king! status!

me and mitch have had a good conversation which I'm super SUPER happy about, he is someone who is in a similar spot to me, so I am SOOO happy we are talking yay. He agrees Alex needs to go soon, like... people are on the same page, maybe its time for it to hap' hap' happen.

since alex won reward, he'll of course save himself, which is fine. it means julia and benj are exposed, and while they're both close allies of mine, they are probably the two who would be in the toughest spot to vote alex, julia since she is like out of nowhere close to him, and benj since he is close to jones.

the plan could be to get alex and co to agree to another split vote or something, which separates numbers that could allow us to strike versus Alex. Maybe if we did like... Alex/Jones/Mo/Caleb on someone, Benj/Julia on another and then Me/Jason/Tom/Jules/Mitch on someone, making a 5-4-2 vote. oh god these merge vote counts have been so so cracked.

we will see. i think my placement this season is going to be like... 8th or something? I am scared of flipping for two votes in a row, BUT I feel like the good news is if I was getting voted out, either Tom or Benj would now hear about it, so I should be able to still play my idol. We will see ahh, but its very scary!

as always with my confessionals:

Bootlist: Alex > Caeleb > Jones > Jason > Mo > Mitch > Julia > Jules > Me/Tom/Benj F3

here is the problem though, I can't vote Jules out. I am such a Jules stan, voting them out would snap my heart it half, I really don't think I could do it. I think I would need others to do it, I'd probably want to be blindsided by it and kept in the dark.

and then the order I would vote people in an FTC:

Jules > Alex > Jason > Mitch > Benj > Julia > Tom > Jones > Caeleb > Mo

Ok so now I’m getting added to a third alliance chat which is supposedly a final 3 alliance. But like here’s the thing, I’d be sitting next to Jones & Alex. I have a snowballs chance in hell of winning against either of them. Everyone loves Jones and Alex has been kinda running this game so far. I’m just kinda his goat. Don’t get me wrong I wanna start making some moves but it’s too early, right now I want to stay unthreatening and low key. I might just have to ride this coat tail to the end because if we have bitter jurors they’ll end up looking at Alex.

So Alex says he didnt read the challenge post... yet came 2nd?

I dont buy it, I fully believe if I ask Benj and others what Alex asked to give him, he will say negatives. He is such a fraud.

also this split vote will be his undoing... his ass is about to be grass... mwahahahahha

-28... negative. 28. negative. twenty. eight. what the FUCK did i do to these people??

I don't even know where to go from here.

...but I mean I kinda do.

I can use this to further push the narrative that I've got no one and hence nowhere near the biggest threat/I'm the easiest target there is and HOPEFULLY people take their eyes off of me.

Aside from that what I WANT to do is vote Alex out (big change from my last confessional, I know). I think I have Tom and Jules on board if I were to pitch it to them, same with Mitch and Ali. I MIGHT have Caeleb but he ran it back to Jones last round so the precedent's already set. So from there to have a five vote majority was I was considering to split the other 6 votes. Julia and Benj are getting their votes exposed so they probably want to vote majority, which I'm anticipating to be someone like myself, Tom, or Caeleb. Ideally, the vote splits one of two ways— NEVERMIND

!! BREAKING !!

Tom says via Ali that Alex thinks that the 9 that split their vote on me and Ian are gonna split their vote again on me and Tom, but Ali isn't on board with that (if he's being honest), and I'd have to assume the same goes for Mitch since there's now a chat with myself him and Tom. So the plan from there (which ties into what I was planning anyway) is to get Jules on board (we called the day after tribal, she SOUNDS like she'd be down), and let the rest of them split their vote.

So that means...

FUCK Alex

FUCK Caeleb

FUCK Julia

FUCK the rest of em bc who??

[but not really it's a game I don't mean it]

But as far as tribal plans right now go... ideally it turns out

5-4-2

5: Me/Tom/Mitch/Ali/Jules for Alex

4-2: Some combination of Alex/Mo/Caeleb/Jones/Julia/Benj for me/Tom

I probably get the 4 again, Tom gets 2... or other way around??? I get the 2 if Mitch/Ali/Jules are meant to vote for me?

But anyways don't be shocked if this is all for nothing and this is my last confessional x

god... negative 28...

i am so frustrated with julia. okay so tom told me apparently on call she said she has a F3 with Alex/Jones, specifically a F2 with Alex. Now... I fully feel like Tom made this up, BUT I asked Julia about the vote and she says she wants to ride out the Space Jam alliance...

is she nuts. is she NUTS kjlasdfas. Literally I feel like WAY too much of this tribe is drinking the Alex Kool-Aid and I can't describe how frustrating it is lowkey. Like I sided with Alex relying on like... Julia's wokeness that we could then detach ourselves, Alex is now FULLY running this tribe and it terrifies me.

It solidifies to me that Alex needs to go this round. Like....this round. He is running this tribe, he has grips on Jones/Mo/Caeleb/Julia, and potentially Benj through Jones. That is SUCH a large amount of this tribe, so I need to stick my neck out. I'm fully embracing that I'm not making FTC at this rate, so it's just time to shake stuff up.

Here is the plan. I am going to play into the split vote plan, we can get Alex and his minions as they shall henceforth be called to split their votes between Jason and Tom, and then maybe Me/Tom/Jules/Mitch/Jason vote out Alex or any of his minions, I don't care which.

At this rate, I'm going to be going into F10 in a potential 5-5 situation, but honestly... Jones/Mo say about a word and a half of game between them each round so they are not workable allies, Julia who flips at literally the drop of a hat is suddenly misted by Alex and Co., Caeleb is just infuriating for telling Jones about the Alex vote, shows he can't be trusted. That leaves only Benj my king, the only woke one, though I am afraid of his connection to Jones.

I just WISH this TRIBE would use their BRAINS. Specifically Julia at the minute.

I’m so TIRED I’ve been so quiet maybe that’s why people are thinking about targeting me :)

Ok ok lemme back up a lil,, this is all according to Alex,, which,,,,,,, idk about YALL but he’s giving off a bit of a paranoid energy right now,, and I’m fully aware of the fact that he has the best chance at winning this game out of anyone here, sooooo maybe let him get eaten by the wolves soon? Not necessarily soon but like,, ya soon. Don’t wanna get him to the end skkdkdkdks. I also think separating myself from Alex might take a target off of MY back, I’ve been trying to separate myself like on my own terms but I think I need to start like,,, setting the stage kind of thing. Idk all I know is that I have a better chance sitting with anyone BUT him,, So maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing to push Alex into the fire a little bit.

I have yet to hear a name, though I’d like to get Tom out personally? He can slide utr really easily,, plus we can (or at least I can) confirm he doesn’t have an idol, the only question is does Jason have an idol and is willing to play it on the only person he voted with? Who KNOWS!! We just have to make them feel comfy (assuming we have the majority vote that is KSKSKS)

But ya stay tuned laid ease

okay so alex is really trying to play me and its very transparent. now, this could just be tom playing which if so, good for him, his mind and his MIST, but here is the deal.

tom tells me him and alex had a conversation about pairs, where Tom threw out Alex/Jones as a pair, and Alex threw out Julia and I. Then in Alex's retelling of that same conversation, side note its funny that I heard the same conversation from both sides in the space of about 10 minutes, Alex conveniently leaves out that he threw out me and Julia as a pair, and he is SO defensive about him and Jones as a pair.

Jones was on my ass immediately when Caeleb told her Alex could be the vote, and Alex also knew super fast. You are really going to try and convince me that you aren't even close when you have spent 23 days on a tribe together, and from the sounds of things, voted together every single time! im not buying it.

for this vote, i want either alex or an alex minion out, i think mo would be the most do-able. jones is close to caeleb, who we will need as a number, so if alex's idol paranoia is too big, maybe we need to remove mo from the equation? we will see.

mo is my org son, and i love him on calls and such, but I am confused by the game he is playing. I'm potentially super underestimating him, which is a definite possibility, but at the moment.... its like... do something charlie. is he just going to hide behind Jones and Alex, because that's not smart.

i would like to see Alex go this vote, but i think he is already too paranoid (i think tom stoked his paranoia WAY too much). I think Mo could end up being the back up vote, which is probably actually okay, because Alex is a definite shield moving forwards, particularly if still paired with Jones.

Updated Jury Vote Rankings:

Jules > Alex > Jason > Tom > Mitch > Benj > Julia > Jones > Caeleb > Mo

okay I'm like... getting frustrated with Alex. he literally does not know how to be subtle about anything lowkey, like this vote split is literally his 4 OG Durmitors voting 'correctly', leaving all his unsure numbers Me/Jules/Julia/Benj on Jason... like mc'what...

i really want him gone, EVERYONE is drinking the Alex Kool-Aid. Maybe I'm not seeing it, but Jones and Mo particularly are playing SO passively, I fully want to scream.

I need to convince Caeleb to make a move. It's really time to just send Alex, or literally any of his minions out of here. I want to include Julia so badly, but she is so blindly misted by him out of nowhere, I hate it UGH.

I think I want Alex and Mo out as the next two votes, Alex runs the show and Mo is just too passive of a player to be a workable ally. Jones is much more of a threat, but Benj likes her and I want to respect.

I just can't deal with Alex and Co. playing so passively for another round, I'll scream KLASDFA.

Alex aka Gru (because of his minions) unfortunately goes byebye tonight. It took a bit of last minute persuading of Caeleb, but we have GOT THIS ahh.

It looks like its going to be either 6 votes or 5 if Tom self-votes on Alex (Me, Caeleb, Jules, Tom, Jason & Mitch), 3 on Tom (Jones, Mo & Alex) and 2 on Jason (Julia and Benj).

This could definitely backfire, but I don't think I'll go home (famous last words), and if Tom/Jason gets idoled out, next round there is still wiggle room because I still have my KING Benj on the other side. Jones/Mo/Julia are going to be coming for my neck, but I'd rather face the minions than Gru himself NNN,

i might live to regret this if Caeleb turns on me, but I take back everything negative I've EVER said about Caeleb. He is an icon, and so so fun to talk to. I feel like he really trusts me now, so I can't turn on him unless I have to.

New goal final five is Me/Jules/Benj/Tom/Caeleb... and I think its do-able. We get Alex out this vote, then Julia/Mo/Jones/Jason as the next four, followed by Mitch... I'm not sure how exactly, but we will figure it out AHH.

[lagroupie]

Interview: Gus Dapperton (ENG)

Gus backstage at Bleu Lézard

I was looking forward to meeting Gus Dapperton last month for his first European tour- we found ourselves talking in a very small backstage room right before soundcheck at Bleu Lézard. What I found fascinating about him was how young he was- yet he was already touring overseas (and here in Lausanne, Switzerland!), gathering fans wherever he went. Dropping out of school to pursue a career in music and/or art can be scary, yet he did it the moment he knew he was ready. He was very open about his childhood and his life in the US as well, and I thank him for that. Here’s our conversation- we also talk about his fans/friends, my favorite song off his 2nd EP You Think You’re A Comic!, Beyond Amends , creating visuals with his best friend Matthew Dillon Cohen, and much more.

Welcome to Switzerland Gus! Is it your first time in Europe?

Gus Dapperton: Yeah, I love it! Overall it’s just nice to be out of the United States to be honest. I really like the people- I like the crowds at the shows. I think more people dance than in the States. Which is great, because I dance on stage. It’s nice when people can match that energy.

What is your life like in New York?

Well, going on tour and putting music out- this all happened fairly quickly. I grew up in a farm town in upstate New York. It’s only about an hour and a half away from the city but it’s very conservative, not subject to change, traditional- I really didn’t enjoy the society growing up there. But it’s very beautiful, and I definitely felt like I could be alone because there wasn’t so many people on top of each other. But yeah, I just grew up making music mostly. I just kept myself busy and made music constantly. And then, I moved around a lot. Since then, I went to school in Philadelphia for 2 years, at Drexel University. And  when this opportunity arose I dropped out and decided to do this. But I would spend summers in New York City and I would also spend summers at the Jersey Shore- so I would move around a lot.

I guess I would say that my life back home is very nomadic and I haven’t really settled in anywhere yet. I’m “living in Philadelphia” now. But I just make music out of there. I think that when my lease is up, I’ll probably move to the Jersey Shore, just to build a studio and work on music. Because New York is too… I know a lot of people there. I just run into too many people I know.

I feel the same way about my town! (laughs) You said you dropped out of university, was this a definitive decision or do you plan on going back sometime in the future?

Hmm… I don’t want to go back to school, although it was a good learning experience. I don’t know, I never really wanted to go to college but I convinced myself that I had to go. Just to spend more time until I was ready to pursue music full-time, because I don’t think that I was ready yet at that point – before I went to school. I guess I was planning on not graduating on the 2nd year of college. And by then, I was like “I’m going to take a break for a while”.

And look at you now! You’re living your dream!

Yeah, it was probably the best decision!

I wanted to talk about your 2nd EP, You Think You’re A Comic! Why did you choose this title?

So, honestly I haven’t talked about this EP much yet because I released it pretty casually- I just gave a one-day warning and released it as soon as we were done with the artwork. But I came up with the name… I think in the Fall, and I guess it had something to do with being in touch with reality and understanding that in order to be moments of pleasure, there needs to be moments that are unpleasurable. I think it’s like being content with despair and tragedy, that it’s almost funny. So basically, that relates to me saying “you think you’re funny?” to someone that broke my heart. But yeah, I think it’s just being content with the fact that it will be okay, even though they broke your heart.

I also know that you’re producing your music. Was it the case with this EP as well?

Yes, yes!

That’s awesome. Did you learn producing just by doing it?

Yes, so basically I started out as a producer first, before I started singing and playing instruments. It happened when I was in 8th grade music class. One of our teachers basically forced everyone to- (ndlr: he laughs) I mean, it was a project. We had to make a song, but the part where I feel was forcing is that you would fail if you didn’t sing and do your vocals on it. Which- like what, there was maybe two kids who were comfortable singing in the whole grades! Though coming from a super-conservative town, portraying emotions through art was super crazy. So I was like “oh my God, this is awesome.” I would stay after school- they had a computer lab with basic software on it, like GarageBand. They didn’t give us much lessons on how to do it, we had to just play around in GarageBand. So I spent so much time on it. Whoever made the best song by the teachers’ opinion would be played on the town’s radio station. So I won the contest, and I always wanted to make music ever since then. But mainly production- I started making hip-hop beats for all my friends who rapped. So I produced up until I was 15 or 16. And then I started singing and playing more instruments when I was 17.

Wow. You started so young! That’s so great that you found very early on what you wanted to do.

Yeah- originally I drew and painted, and that fulfilled me. And then I would film and make edits of mostly just rain and skits… skateboarding and whatnot… but I always had something that I felt fulfilled with, that I could put my emotions into. But music was the ultimate one. So once I found that, I was just converted over!

Are the people on the cover of the EP your friends?

Now they are! (laughs) I casted them for this- Basically, me and my creative director Matthew Dillon Cohen do things on the fly. We come up with an idea and try to get things done quickly. So we did the Prune, You Talk Funny video and we knew a couple of other songs that were going to be on the EP. He basically just said “Let’s just photograph 20 different people”, and I was like “great!” Because one of the things I like to do is cast people. So I basically just cast my fans – that were local to the New York City area - to be in it! And then we got in the studio and photographed everyone.

I wanted to talk about the songs on the EP as well- I think we can really identify them as Gus Dapperton songs because of this particular sound, for example the light synthesizers. Did you play all the instruments yourself while recording?

I play most of the instruments, sometimes if we’re doing live drums I’ll get my drummer Tommy to record. More recently, Yen has been playing most of the live bass on the record. But sometimes I’ll use a synth bass. I basically do all the production, mixing, drum sequencing, recording on guitar and synth.

Did you produce it the same way as you did on the first EP?

This was a bit different, just because I used a lot more live instruments on this EP. The last one was a bit more simple, as far as the elements go, and kind of precise. This one was more like… Lots of layers and things. So I guess it’s just the phases I go through – not that one is better than the other, I’m back to my old ways with just keeping it very simple and exact, with elements with a lot of character, as opposed to layering it up. But this one has a lot of layers… I guess I went about recording a bit differently.

I bet everyone asks you about it, but I wanted to know more about the video for Prune, You Talk Funny. Was it your idea?

Basically, all my videos are directed by Matthew Dillon Cohen. He’s my best friend, I lived with him for a period of time and we have very similar tastes. When it comes to art, I have trouble trusting people to portray myself visually. Basically, what I’ll do is that I’ll show Matt the process of the song for months until it’s done- because it takes me quite a while. So I had been working on that song for about a year. Due to financial circumstances, I don’t have the ways and means to record a song how I would like to. So basically, he heard it for 6 months and I’ll write the lyrics and come with an analysis of the song, and give that to him. And then he comes up with a basic idea and puts it together. So I’ll give him an analysis of what the song is about and then he interprets it, how he would like it to be visually. And I’m almost always on the same page as him.

I really like that video. It’s like a presentation of who you are and your world.

Exactly! That’s exactly what it is. I don’t know if you’ve seen the video for Moodna, Once With Grace, but that’s also trying to put you in a world that I would thrive in. And I’m Just Snacking is more like a narrative, a story of the song. Prune is more trying to put you in that atmosphere that I would thrive and exist in.

I also wanted to talk about my favorite song from the EP, Beyond Amends- I think it’s also a bit different from the others. What is the story behind it?

So, Beyond Amends is more of a ballad. Actually, I wrote that song- let’s see… I’m about to turn 21 now, and I think I wrote it when was 17. So that’s 3 and a half years. I made it through 2 or 3 other times, but it just wasn’t right. I finally honed it at the place I was at when I wrote it- I mean, the place where it kind of came about in my head. I just went back and finally made it happen. I think it came out exactly how I wanted to. Basically, that song is about- like in most of my songs, my emotion is heartbreak or along the lines of that. Because that’s the most powerful feeling to me. Love is very powerful and then tragedy is very powerful. But when you combine the two it’s extra. So basically, my feeling was heartbreak but I relate the two – someone passing away and not being able to tell their loved ones goodbye, but consciously seeing it from their point of view as a spirit, and looking down upon their loved ones. “I wish I could tell you that I didn’t want to go”. But it also relates to a relationship and heartbreak.

Finally, what can we expect from Gus Dapperton in the future?

Well, I haven’t thought about it too much but I’m just really focused on this tour and performing well for everyone, because I’m not particularly a singer or a musician. You know, I’m more of a studio person. So performing in front of people is very new to me, but I definitely feel comfortable on stage and performing. But yeah, so definitely just constant art and – I’m constantly making music and being on tour doesn’t restrict me. Just a lot more music and a lot more visuals, things like that.

https://www.facebook.com/gusdapperton/

https://soundcloud.com/gus-dapperton

[pagedesignhub-blog]

What's sincerely inside the GOP fitness care invoice

New Post has been published on https://pagedesignhub.com/whats-sincerely-inside-the-gop-fitness-care-invoice/

What's sincerely inside the GOP fitness care invoice

Covering humans with pre-current situations has been the hottest difficulty inside the Obamacare repeal debate at the Hill. However peek beneath the hood of the GOP textual content and there are a whole lot of other changes — such as some surprises — with a purpose to have vast However unpredictable effects for the Yankee health care system and the patients and families that rely on it. The various provisions don’t take effect for numerous years.

The invoice eliminates in 2018 the ACA’s three.eight percent funding tax on humans earning more than $250,000. It also slashes a zero.9 percentage surcharge on people in the equal high-earnings bracket. The 2 taxes together raised more or less $27 billion in 2015. The Tax Coverage Middle estimates casting off these taxes would save the top 0.1 percentage of earnings earners about $195,000 every yr. The bill additionally rolls again Obamacare’s tax on fitness insurers, medical device manufacturers, drug producers and tanning mattress salons.

Defunds Deliberate Parenthood for 12 months — The bill consists of a provision lengthy-sought by way of Republicans to reduce off federal funding for Planned Parenthood and other abortion companies. The measure could block Medicaid reimbursements to those agencies for one year after enactment. The bill additionally includes a degree that could prohibit federal tax credit from being used to pay for insurance that covers abortion offerings.

Allows older People to be charged greater — beneath Obamacare, insurers can’t rate a 64-12 months-old greater than three instances as plenty as it does a 21-year-antique. The GOP plan would let insurers rate older customer five times as a good deal. And in states that waive that rule, insurers may want to set up a good better ratio. Low-profits older People particularly would also receive some distance less beneficial subsidies to buy coverage compared to what’s to be had in Obamacare.

Allows unwell Americans to be charged more — States may want to opt out of Obamacare’s required set of blessings or — most importantly — allow insurers once more for pricing some unwell sufferers more for insurance, if they take steps along with putting in place excessive-threat swimming pools so that humans with pre-present situations might have get right of entry to coverage. The today’s amendment could provide a further $8 billion over five years to help human beings in such states cowl premium spikes However analysts say this is likely to be woefully insufficient. The wild card here is what number of states would, in reality, opt out.

fitness Care Reform – Why Are humans So Labored Up? First, permit’s get a little historical angle on American fitness care. This isn’t always intended to be an exhausted inspect that history However it will give us an appreciation of how the fitness care gadget and our expectations for it developed. What drove feels better and better?

To start, permit’s flip to the American civil warfare. In that warfare, dated procedures and the carnage inflicted by means of current guns of the era combined to cause ghastly results. Now not commonly regarded is that most of the deaths on both facets of that warfare were No longer the end result of actual fight However to what passed off after a battlefield wound become inflicted. Initially, evacuation of the wounded moved at a snail’s tempo and this induced severe delays in treating the wounded. Secondly, many wounds were subjected to wound care, related surgical procedures and/or amputations of the affected limbs and this frequently resulted within the onset of big contamination. So that you would possibly continue to exist a warfare wound handiest to die on the fingers of medical care carriers who even though properly-intentioned, their interventions had been regularly pretty lethal. high death tolls can also be ascribed to everyday illnesses and illnesses at a time whilst no antibiotics existed. In overall something like six hundred,000 deaths happened from all causes, over 2% of the U.S. populace at the time!

let’s skip to the primary 1/2 of the 20th century for some extra attitude and to bring us up to extra modern-day times. After the civil conflict, there had been consistent upgrades in American medicinal drug in each the information and treatment of sure diseases, new surgical strategies and in physician schooling and schooling. However for the most element the exceptional that docs should offer their patients changed into a “wait and see” method. medication ought to handle bone fractures and increasingly more try volatile surgical procedures (now in large part done in sterile surgical environments) But drugs were Now not but to be had to address severe illnesses. Most of the people of deaths remained the end result of untreatable situations together with tuberculosis, pneumonia, scarlet fever and measles and/or associated headaches. docs were more and more aware about coronary heart and vascular situations, and most cancers However they had nearly not anything with which to treat these situations.

This very fundamental assessment of yank medical records facilitates us to remember the fact that till quite currently (across the 1950’s) we had actually no technology with which to deal with extreme or even minor ailments. Here is a vital factor we want to recognize; “not anything to deal with you with means that visits the medical doctor if at all were relegated to emergencies so in any such scenario expenses are curtailed. The simple truth is that there was little for medical doctors to offer and therefore certainly nothing to force health care spending. A 2nd thing conserving down expenses was that clinical treatments that had been furnished were paid for out-of-pocket, which means via manner of a people personal resources. there has been no such aspect as health insurance and genuinely No longer medical health insurance paid by means of an enterprise. Besides for the very destitute who have been lucky to find their way right into a charity hospital, fitness care costs were the responsibility of the individual.

What does fitness care coverage ought to do with health care expenses? Its impact on health care prices has been and remains to at the present time, honestly sizeable. whilst health insurance for individuals and families emerged as a method for companies to escape salary freezes and to attract and preserve personnel after International warfare II, nearly in a single day an incredible pool of money have become available to pay for fitness care. cash, because of the provision of billions of dollars from health insurance pools, recommended an modern us to boom clinical studies efforts. extra Individuals have become insured Not simplest via non-public, company sponsored medical health insurance However through increased government funding that created Medicare and Medicaid (1965). Further funding became to be had for improved veterans fitness care blessings. Locating a cure for almost anything has, therefore, end up very profitable. That is additionally the primary motive for the widespread array of treatments we’ve got to be had nowadays.

I do No longer want to bring that clinical innovations are an awful thing. Consider the tens of tens of millions of lives that have been saved, prolonged, more advantageous and made more effective as a result. But with an investment supply grown to its modern importance (masses of billions of dollars yearly) upward strain on health care charges are inevitable. medical doctors provide and maximum of us call for and get entry to the today’s available health care generation inside the shape of prescription drugs, clinical gadgets, diagnostic equipment and surgical techniques. So the result is that there’s extra fitness care to spend our money on and till very recently maximum of us was insured and the expenses were largely blanketed by means of a third-party (authorities, employers). Add an insatiable and unrealistic public demand for getting admission to and remedy and we have the “perfect hurricane” for better and higher fitness care prices. And by using and huge the typhoon is simplest intensifying.

At this point, let’s flip to the important thing questions a good way to lead us right into an overview and with a bit of luck a better expertise of the health care reform proposals inside the information nowadays. Is the cutting-edge trajectory of U.S. health care spending sustainable? Can The united states maintain its Global competitiveness while 16%, heading for 20% of our gross countrywide product is being spent on health care? What are the opposite industrialized countries spending on health care and is it even close to these numbers? when we Add politics and an election 12 months to the talk, data to help our solution those questions become critical. We want to spend a few effort in know-how fitness care and finding out how we reflect consideration on it. Properly armed we will greater intelligently determine whether or not positive fitness care proposals might solve or worsen a number of these issues. What may be executed about the demanding situations? How can we as individuals make a contribution to the answers?

The Obama health care plan is complicated for certain – I’ve by no means saw a fitness care plan that isn’t always. But through a ramification of packages his plan attempts to deal with a) growing the quantity of American which can be included with the aid of ok coverage (nearly 50 million aren’t), and b) dealing with charges in this sort of way that nice and our get right of entry to health care isn’t adversely affected. Republicans are looking for to gain these equal primary and wide goals, But their approach is proposed as being greater marketplace driven than authorities driven. allow’s examine what the Obama plan does to accomplish The 2 goals above. Keep in mind, via the way, that his plan changed into handed with the aid of congress, and starts to seriously kick-in starting in 2014. So This is the direction we’re currently taking as we strive to reform health care.