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dino-nugget7 · 4 years ago

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A Manifesto Against The School System

As of writing this I am a second year Public High School Teacher. I won’t be able to live with myself if I spend another year at it. Literally, I feel like a bit of a monster for deciding to finish out this school year rather than quitting right now. But we do what we must to survive, my students won’t be less oppressed because I left, and if nothing else, it gives me an opportunity to strategize about what I can do to aid in revolutionizing school because authentic alternatives to public school exist but none I have found have been intersectional enough to replace public education without excluding the kids who would most benefit from escaping the main school system here in America.

Some of the reasons I did not understand how oppressive school actually is, are that my interests and hobbies happened to align very neatly with the “core” classes, and that even though I grew up very poor and moved around a lot as a kid, we eventually settled and I went to a well funded high school that had just about any elective and/or after school club that I might be interested in trying and then some. During that time, I came to see school as a place where I could explore my passions and escape my home situation. So I figured I would love to pay it forward and go be a teacher.

I recognized at least, the privileged position I came from and decided I wanted to go learn how to teach in settings as different from my high school as possible. Which is why I went and got special permission for most of my classroom placements throughout the teaching program to be at alternative schools. In Colorado at least, alternative schools are small public schools which primarily serve students identified as “at risk”, which is shorthand for “Statistically more likely to drop out than the general population for one reason or another.”

I did not know when I asked to be placed in one, but learned within days of being there that most people that even know alternative schools exist, think of them as the places where “the bad kids” go. I realized very quickly that they are actually places filled with kids who have experienced a lot of trauma in and out of school and don’t respond to that trauma the way adults want them to respond. I came to adore kids at alternative schools because they remind me of my younger siblings.

Like my oldest brother, many of them find school mind numbingly easy and boring and have much more pressing matters to devote their mental energy to.

Like my middle brother, many of them have spent so much time around teachers who do not understand neurodivergence that have been convinced of the lie that they are weird, dumb and/or lazy and because of that, trying to participate in school is like hitting their head on a brick wall.

Like all of my brothers and my sisters, they have a ton of skills that they are brilliant at, but that are not prioritized by the school system, so they never pursue them, such as construction, music, makeup and programming.

Many, if not most of them come from living situations full of abuse and neglect and/or poverty so they don’t have the mental or emotional space to worry about much beyond survival, and not only haven’t learned how to make and achieve long term goals, but have never had the luxury of a stable enough environment for that kind of planning to be worthwhile.

All that being said, something that you only realize if you actually work in a few public alternative schools, as I have done through college and my current job, is that the name is actually an oxymoron.

What started me down the path of considering and researching all the ways school is an oppressive system, was a conversation I had with a student in my first year teaching. He was learning about chemical reactions and safety and asked me the infamous question, “Why do I have to learn about this?” to which I said “Because everything is chemicals and understanding how they can interact with one another and ways they can harm you can keep you safe when you do things like clean or cook.” To which he replied, “Well no offense but I have no idea how this shit relates to cooking and please don’t tell me because its not like I’m actually going to remember it when I am cooking, and I already know how to clean safely because of work. But you’re still going to make me learn this boring shit anyways so seriously, why do we have to learn about this?”

I paused to consider what he was asking. I had interpreted, as the system trained me to, that the question he was asking was, “what value does this knowledge hold?” But what he actually meant was “Why are you making me waste my time learning about this thing that I never asked to learn about?” So I replied, as a sort of test of my new understanding, “It’s part of the physical science curriculum the Education Department thinks is important for high schoolers to learn.” He was taken aback, “Wait, you don’t decide what stuff we learn about? What’s even the point of teachers then? Why don’t they just give us a list of all their stupid stuff they think we should know so we can get on with our lives?” He had a point and I have spent a lot of time reflecting on and growing from that conversation.

Sure, there are some key differences that make alternative schools slightly more tolerable than your standard 800-4,000 kid high school. Class sizes are smaller so students get more individualized help. We get funding to help students access things such as food, clothes, hygiene products, and healthcare and know students well enough that we actually know which kids are lacking these resources. We have slightly more leeway than traditional schools to create innovative lessons. We don’t give out homework.

But public alternative schools are still oppressive in most of the ways that the big schools are. I’m sure none of this will be a surprise to most readers, but I want you to really consider how restricted kids in public school are, how restricted you probably were in school as you read through this.

School starts early in the morning and students have to constantly shift mental gears throughout the day due to a tight schedule of constantly rotating classes and a very short lunch break. Throughout the day, bells tell students when they can’t or must move around or eat. Students have to ask when they need to go to the bathroom or get water and teachers cannot go at all outside of their plan period because students are not trusted to be in the classroom without an adult even for a few minutes. They have no control over who they share space with and very little control over their ability to leave that space if it conflicts with their needs. There is a strict dress code which disproportionately targets marginalized students. Students are expected to be sociable but not given nearly enough opportunities to actually socialize. The school keeps records of everything the student has ever gotten in trouble for, every class the student has taken, every grade they have received, their “class rank,” and every intervention program the student is part of. And like every public school, alternative schools must follow state curriculum standards and by extension, grading, data collection, and required testing. On the surface it might not seem like it, but that last point is actually the most insidious one and its the one that has followed students into remote learning during the pandemic.

According to the people who decide how schools work, there are four factors of student choice: These factors are Time, Place, Pace, and Path. For example, if I am running a unit on plate tectonics, rather than giving students a worksheet and telling them to work on it as we go through a slideshow and turn it in at the end of class, I could put them in groups, give them an online choice board of three different but roughly equivalent projects relating to plate tectonics to choose from, each with different rubrics for completion and tell them they can turn it in at any time in the next two weeks. And then instead of devoting class time to direct instruction, I would give them a variety of resources to peruse and teach them how to research more and let them choose what aspects of plate tectonics to focus on and how to present their information. Now, this is certainly a few steps in the right direction away from making kids sit in rows and listen to the teacher drone on about plate tectonics while they take notes. But it misses the most important factors of choice in my eyes, the things that I would be fired for if I actually gave them the choice about: How students spend their time and what they are allowed to prioritze.

None of this is to say that expecting kids to learn is inherently fucked up or that teaching inherently makes one an oppressive person. On the contrary, authentic teaching and learning are vital to our ability to solve our problems and grow as people. If all students were given the opportunities to spend their childhoods learning things that they were actually interested in, to explore the full breadth of knowledge that humans have compiled at their leisure without timelines or milestones except the ones they set for themselves, to socialize with people of all ages, to authentically participate in society both as learners and as educators, as leaders and as team members, the world wouldn’t be perfect, but it would be a lot less soul crushing.

Now, I mentioned at the beginning of this piece that authentic alternatives do exist. To get you started on researching what’s out there, I recommend starting with Sudbury schools and the unschooling movement.

But unless these models somehow miraculously become a large and accepted enough presence to get government funding, or money ceases its hold on us all, the public school system will be the only one that most students, especially impoverished students, transient students, english language learners, and disabled students (especially those with profound disabilities) will have access to. Which is a damn shame and a problem I am committed to trying to figure out how to contribute to solving because those are the students whose lives would be most radically transformed for the better if they got the opportunities that these models provide.

#school #anti school #oppression #manifesto #youth liberation #I am aware that this severely pushes how long people are willing to read for on Tumblr #but I needed to get it out there into the void

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multifandomwritings · 4 years ago

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How the slashers would react to their S/O being sweet and affectionate

(Giving them lots of compliments, being soft with them, etc.)

Includes Thomas, Brahms, Michael, Jason, Bubba, Chop Top, Nubbins, Beetlejuice, Candyman, Bo, Vincent, Lester, Graverobber, Luigi, Pavi & Billy Lenz. I know technically not all of them are slashers but I wanted to put all the horror characters together :)

This came out of nowhere and took so long to write lol :^) I hope you like it! If I’m missing anyone let me know! (This is both bad and lengthy, so I am sorry :’) Also obviously they’re soft here so) I’ve read through this to check for mistakes but if I missed anything I’m sorry, feel free to point it out!

Thomas:

- Thomas would thoroughly melt. He's starved for affection and kindness, and probably wouldn't even know how to handle it at first, only staring at you with reddened cheeks and ears

- He's a sucker for compliments, especially — he's been spoken to/about poorly most of his life, so it's foreign to him. Your seemingly endless drawls of honey-coated words soften him up beyond repair, building his confidence up more than you would even be aware of (imagine his widened eyes and fumbling hands as you spoke 🥺)

- It would take some time, but you'd make him like things about himself. You compliment his eyes? He would slowly begin to too, since you did. You played with his hair, rambling on about how pretty it was? Fluttering eyelids, profuse blushing, can’t handle it. He likes it too from then on, and hopes you play with it more.

- Of course, Thomas would adore that you were physically affectionate. He'd be more than willing anytime you wanted hugs or kisses, his tummy always filling with butterflies at your touches. Besides kisses, he'd especially adore casual intimacy - touching his arms in passing, or playing with his hands and fingers absent-mindedly as you sat with him. It would make him feel so loved and happy. (Also: snuggling up to him/nuzzling into his neck. He would melt, amazed that you were so trusting and comfortable with him)

- Your sweetness would be so endearing to him, almost feeling undeserving of it. He'd question why you were so tender with him, often needing reassurance. He'd be quite protective of you anyways, but your sweet personality would only further this.

Brahms:

- This would be perfect for Brahms. He's very affectionate himself, so he'd be happy to receive any affection that came his way

- Seriously. If you began being casually affectionate with him, spoiling him with kisses, hugs, and little touches in passing, he'd do the same, probably taking advantage of it a little (only because he's quite touch starved)

- Compliments, however, would be received a little different. Not badly, only with more reservation. He's unused to them, and would often flush up at your sweet words, stammering clumsily to thank you as he tried not to blush too hard

- Your sweet, caring and affectionate personality would melt his heart, so thankful that you came along. Your sweet words and affectionate nature would be so mending to a severely neglected part of him

- Often times, you'd have a hard time getting him to let you go when you hugged or cuddled up to him. He'd cling to you tightly, nuzzling up to you and savoring every moment of it

Michael:

- You would have to be patient with Michael when it came to any kind of affection. He wouldn't mind, but he'd be a little wary of it, especially at first

- Gentle, caring and purposeful touches would soften him up a bit. Things like you caring for any wounds he happened to get while ~out and about~, and looking after him in ways he wasn't used to

- Compliments and doting would be met with surprise, though you wouldn't be able to tell. If you look closely enough, you'll see his eyes are widened behind his mask when you speak lovingly of him

- Your sweet personality would intrigue him, especially seeing as he was the object of your affections. His own affection would be shown by being protective and gentle with you, willingly accepting your affection, albeit with some amount of awkwardness

- He would have a hard time not letting his guard down and completely melting into your touches and at your affection. Slowly but surely, he’d loosen up. One day you’d absent-mindedly lift your hand to his arm or cheek once he was warmed up to you, and he’d surprise you by leaning into it just slightly, scanning your reaction nervously. Don’t push your luck and overreact though, he’ll get awkward and temporarily disappear. An encouraging smile will do!

Jason:

- Jason would *adore* this. So much. You would always make him feel so warm and loved, any insecurities he had would slowly melt away

- He would feel grateful that he wore a mask sometimes, embarrassed at how flushed you could make him without even having to try

- Has some reservations about physical affection at first, but your patience and sweetness would rapidly chip away at them. In fact, he'd regret keeping you at arms length at first, as he'd worry you weren't being as affectionate as you wanted to be because of it (you actually were, he just wants more)

- You can always tell he's beaming beneath the mask when you compliment him, savoring your words and making sure he won't forget them. Although he might not always agree with the sweet things you said about him, they made him feel special and loved

- His biggest weakness would be his neck. You would occasionally kiss the side of his neck near his jaw in lieu of his face when he wore his mask, and each time you could watch as his ears turned crimson, eyes widened slightly, always prompting a giggle from you

Bubba:

- Bubba is quite affectionate too, so you'd be a cute match

- He might have reservations about being too affectionate in the beginning, as he wouldn't want to scare you away. However, when you proved yourself to be just the same as him, the dam would break and he'd rarely not be spoiling you with affection

- Your compliments and sweet words would always leave him a blushing mess, genuinely confounded at how you could make him feel so warm and fluttery inside

- Bubba is definitely the cuddliest so prepare yourself for endless snuggles, happy to return your affection like that. If you were to walk up and give him a random hug, he'd melt, dragging you off somewhere to sit with you for hours, you snuggled up in his arms

- He cannot cope with the casual little kisses you give him, especially if you pepper them across his face. He would never get used to them despite loving them, turning the sweetest shade of pink each time and rambling on in a sort of awkward panic

Chop Top:

- Chop Top would lovingly tease you about how affectionate you were with him, finding it completely adorable. He would end up shutting up about it as he wouldn’t want to discourage you, though

- Compliments and sweet words would be met with a big, silly smile or chuckle, followed by him asking you if you really meant it. He’d find you so sweet, and would return your affectionate words in his own weird, Chop Top-esque way

- Nothing has an effect on him quite like random, unexpected touches. He’ll be going on in his typical loud, extra way when you’d stand next to him and slip your hand into his, your other hand clinging to his arm as you pressed up to him slightly. His voice would falter as he glanced at you with a nervous chuckle, rambling nervously and trying to remain ~composed~

- Your sweetness would be somewhat puzzling to him, particularly because it was directed toward him. He wouldn’t be used to people being so gentle and polite with him, so he wouldn’t even know what to do with it at first

- Ends up being more affectionate than you. He loves having you in his arms and smothering you with chaotic, needy kisses. He’d have loads of weird, super-specific nicknames he’d call you, and would love if you had some for him, too.

Nubbins:

- So soft for you! Seriously. He'd treat you like you were made of glass, uncharacteristically protective of you

- Anytime you touched him he'd break into the sweetest smile, melting into your hands. *Loves* when you play with his hair, nuzzling up against your hand

- Anytime you complimented him, called him loving nicknames, or anything like that he'd flush up and wouldn't be able to stop smiling

- He's so used to being mistreated that your sweet and gentle personality would make his heart race. He'd cling to you any chance he got, finding comfort in you

- He’d be just affectionate back, but in a sort of clumsy, awkward way. It would be new to him, and he’d want to be all gentle and sweet with you, but instead he’d be a bit rough and unpracticed. He’d play with your hair a bit roughly, hug you a little too tightly, and would kiss you with too much fervor for it to be as sweet as the intention behind it

Beetlejuice:

- Beetlejuice wouldn't really know how to take this/deal with it. He can be quite vulgar and straightforward, so it would be an adjustment. Not an unwelcome one, just different

- He'd find himself getting embarrassed by his own lewd comments and gestures, finding you far too sweet for that, and wanting to treat you as such

- When you complimented him, his first instinct would be to be cocky and teasing about it. As he realized how genuine you were, he'd get surprisingly embarrassed, genuinely appreciating your words and not forgetting them

- Finds himself adoring your soft, sweet touches, leaning into them and hoping they'd last longer than they did. Of course, you were always happy to cater to him, stopping whatever you were doing to shower him with soft attention that you knew he needed more than he was aware

- His personality would completely soften around you, looking at you as though you were the most precious thing in the world. The second someone else was around though? Back to his usual shenanigans.

Candyman:

- Daniel would pretty much be the same as you, always spoiling you with the sweetest, loveliest words that would leave your heart fluttering and cheeks flushed

- He'd find your sweet personality endearing, being particularly gentle and soft with you. Any kind of affection you wanted, you would get

- Adores your touches, and returns them without hesitation. He's a romantic, so he'd love your kisses in particular, smiling anytime you would randomly kiss him, and often wrapping you up to steal more than a simple peck

- He would be so sweet and romantic constantly, cherishing every little bit of affection you gave him. He’d always be amazed at how gentle you were and how you made him feel

- He would (not so) secretly love being doted over by you. Would melt at how adoringly you looked at him, and would be happy to just sit with you as you snuggled up to him, making him feel all soft and special

Bo:

- This is so foreign to Bo. Literally, he'd look at you like you were absolutely nuts, having no idea how to react to half the things you said

- Your soft, doting words flustered him far more than he would have liked to admit, even to himself. Every compliment would wrap itself around his thoughts and tug at his heartstrings

- Did you really mean the things you said about him? You were so soft and genuine, he was always amazed at how you could feel so sweetly toward him. He'd feel so privileged, in a way, to be the object of your affections

- Your physical affection would *always* be welcome. He would definitely return it, though not without some amount of flirting and teasing. Calls you every cute moniker in the book, sweetheart being his favorite for you. (He’d never admit it but if you call him things like that too, he’d melt)

- Of course, he'd adore whatever affection you gave him, but it would be the sweet, unfamiliar things that would really get him. If you held his hand in yours as you walked, kissed his cheeks, played with his hair or even did something as silly as booping his nose, he'd scoff, half rolling his eyes and pretending to find it silly. The pink spreading across his cheeks and nose would not be lost on you, though, nor the soft smile that would slowly emerge

Vincent:

- Vincent would be a little bit nervous about affection at first. He'd definitely want it, but it would just be new to him. He'd have to warm up to you first

- Verbal affection would be best in the beginning, sweet words easing him up to you (and making it much harder to keep you at arms length). If he allowed you to see him without his mask, he'd rarely not be blushing (to be honest, you would be able to sense that he was anyways, even when he did wear it)

- Little things like touching his shoulders or arms in passing would make him so soft. When he's comfortable with it, you'd begin holding his hands and hugging him, which would almost always result in him nuzzling up to you and rapidly getting clingy

- His favorite thing would be cuddling up with you for hours, feeling safe and warm tangled up with you. He’d also love when you played with his hair, and kissed the scarred side of his face, quickly getting overwhelmed with emotion

- He would be as caring and sweet toward you as you would be with him. Your loving personality would be deeply appreciated by him, and he’d make sure that you knew it

Lester:

- Lester would be the softest ever for you, your sweet personality being what drew him to you. He'd be used to people being mean and rude, so when you weren't, he'd already be putty in your hands

- Every word that came out of your mouth would prompt a big, expectant smile, no matter what it was about. However, anytime you indulged him with compliments and kindness, he'd hardly be able to maintain eye contact, too embarrassed and flattered to even properly hear you

- Being with you would perpetually keep him in a good mood. No amount of meanness from anyone would matter anymore — if you liked him, that's all that would matter!

- He spoils you just as much with affection and compliments as you do him, thinking you were the sweetest person on earth, and wanting you to know it

- Loves all kinds of physical affection you give him, but he really just likes to have you close. Hand holding, arms wrapped around each other, and so on would make feel safe and warm

Graverobber:

- Graverobber would be pleasantly surprised with how soft you were with him, finding himself almost amused by it. Not in a bad way, but as with almost everyone else he just wouldn’t expect it

- Any random affection, verbal or physical, would be met with a cocked eyebrow and a small smirk — only because he loves watching the blush creep over your cheeks in embarrassment

- He’d love it though, and would be quick to reassure you despite his initial teasing. He’d find you so endearing and would appreciate you a lot, though he’d be more apt to express it with actions rather than words

- Alternatively to teasing when you were being particularly sweet, he’d pull you up next to him and wrap his arm around you. If you were alone, he’d be a bit touchier, peppering your face with kisses and grinning in satisfaction as he made you laugh and blush

- He would find you so cute, often unable to keep a smile off his face when you were around

Luigi:

- You would certainly be a stark contrast to Luigi. This pairing would be a mystery to his family and pretty much everyone else, though he wouldn’t understand why

- Your sweet, affectionate personality would cut through his angry, brazen one a little, at least when he was around you. Despite his temper, he'd have a hard time actually getting angry when you were around, even toward other people (this results in everyone else hoping you would stay attached at the hip, so to speak. Please)

- He'd adore your affection, needing soft and sweet attention more than he knew. He'd love to be wrapped up in your arms, or have you wrapped up in his — it really wouldn’t matter, he’d be happy either way. (Also likes PDA, as he's a show-off)

- Your praises and compliments would always light up his face with an endearing smile. He'd go out of his way to impress you and live up to your words. He could also be quite smug, too, agreeing with your compliments half-seriously and half in an attempt to make you laugh

- You would (unintentionally) have him wrapped around your finger, without him even realizing it.

Pavi:

- Pavi would be fascinated by this, so used to less innocent forms of affection. He definitely wouldn't be used to sincere, loving words directed toward him, especially paired with innocent touches without ulterior motive

- He's used to people flocking around him to simulate whatever he wanted, often times because of who he was, rather than out of genuine interest. If you gave him attention freely, because you wanted to, it would unlock a completely different side of him

- He would be enamored with you, quickly losing interest in everyone else as he fixated on you. Your praises, kindness and attention would always leave him a smiling mess

- Needless to say, Pavi is very physically affectionate, so he'd adore that you were, too. You wouldn't have many opportunities to initiate it, though, as he'd be quite clingy and touchy without prompting

- Pavi returns affection and compliments, of course. He praises you and talks sweetly (at least, you think it’s sweet?) in his typical eccentric way, bragging about you and how much you loved ~the Pavi~ to his siblings (and probably anyone who listens)

Billy Lenz:

- Billy can say the lewdest things, yet somehow still manages to get flustered when you give him any type of affection

- That doesn't mean he doesn't like it though. Quite contrarily, he'd (discreetly, or so he thought) give you every opportunity to give him affection, not wanting to seem obvious or have to ask

- He could literally curl up in your lap like a cat and just fall asleep, clinging to you and melting into your touches

- Your compliments would often be received with a clumsy attempt at self-assuredness, too embarrassed by your sweet words to keep up the ruse. That wouldn't stop him from attempting it, though

- He adores your sweet personality, and would be far softer than you might think with you. Keeps lewd, awkward comments to a minimum and replaces them instead with sweeter, gentler words (well, to the extent that he is capable of, anyways)

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jjheejz · 3 years ago

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About Internet Water Army in the case

This is an ongoing update about the case from start to development. List of all related posts can be found on this blog's pinned post (link provided at bottom of each post as well).

19 August 2021 update: Added the scale of his success for reference, before bonus below

18 August 2021 update: Added timeline of events, orange title in post, found out the official English term for Immoral Media = Internet Water Army)

Major updates since first draft: Added bonus, added disclaimer, certain info details

Originally posted on 16 August 2021

[The purpose of this post is to provide a perspective as to why the Media is raised/blamed regarding the issue. Especially for international fans, as all the encounters happened on Weibo. Also, those who were on weibo, do read through if you will. So although it's lengthy, do try to read all, at least if not the last two parts].

The Media referred by most, is not the common perception of the Entertainment Industry (celebrities, directors, shows, channels, staff etc), but the dark side of the Entertainment industry: Antis, toxic fans, toxic marketing accounts. They are called Internet Water Army💧.

Toxic Marketing Accounts is one of the things they do, these accounts on Weibo has millions of followers, each of their post likes are in the hundred thousands (buyable) to give credibility to passer-bys. Some use similar names to Official accounts, some use similar logos. Their posts are usually subjective or aims to steer view points of a certain celebrity/movie/show. Before the latest update of this post (18.08.21), I just group them all together and term them as Immoral Media*.

*Below is my original post using my original term because at point of first draft, I did not know the official term (so have changed/added the term from Immoral Media to Internet Water Army in content below but retain the content based off first draft).

If you have chased before celebrities, or just simply passed by an article about certain celebrities, recall how some title that caught your attentions were like. Clickbaits is one of the many things they do. If GZ is your first and you do not have Weibo, then this read(link) is good enough.

Just as the term Immoral Media (Internet Water Army), it’s immoral and unethical, but they exists because they are paid to do so. Who pays them? Entertainment Companies, and maybe other Organisations

Normal Media/Marketing vs Immoral Media/Toxic Marketing/Internet Water Army

When a show or movie comes out, the normal Marketing department will generate outreach and buzz so that people know a show is airing soon/know the show exists etc. Official announcements are not enough, because there isn’t much context (limited content to put up as well) so having some other Marketing accounts do the buzz in a planned period to gain awareness through posts, some articles about the casts, the plot summary, the production details etc is normal. This is Marketing, bigger companies will probably have stronger Marketing departments (aka influence) and can hire more Marketing accounts to generate buzz. Celebrities (aka casts) themselves, are also Marketing point.

Then we have the Internet Water Army/Immoral Media, these are what they mainly do:

Create Fanfiction-rumors: Creating rumors about celebrities to shift audience perception of them. [eg. XX was seen with XX leaving a hotel, XX was drunk on Event Y and did ZZZ to AA, XX is dating BB and has been in a relationship for N years etc]

Honing their brain degrading skills: Come up with titled clickbait headings/ trending topics with negative written contents. For articles, exceptionally out of heading content related to the celebrity. [Refer to Baidu, it’s a winner of these, feel free to Google Translate]

Regressing their common sense and understanding skills: Take everything a celebrity does completely out of context in a negative way and create a topic out of it [eg. XX said AA is a ---, “XX raised his finger, a sign of ---?”, XX pushed BB aggressively on Variety Show Y - A competition variety show, XX is in beef with CC because XX was caught giving CC the eye]

Using their fingers to stir shit and bathe each other in it: Escalate all smallest form of possible tension created by fans/themselves into a huge thing by acting as the fandom's fans/lurk in fandom chat groups, and voicing their disguised opinion to spread tension/exaggerate severity of the issue [eg. XX fans mocked AA - in groupchats: tbh I've never liked AA before, AA just gives off a vibe that I dont like and now this? It just disgusts me even more > Yea, i feel this way too. AA has problems / XX Lurkers expressing views on XX about NN, slowly to NNMHFXW - XX did NNMHGT - I cannot accept NNmHfHw, I'm leaving = multiply by 1000++]

Epitome of a self-deteriorate: Creating something out of nothing and react to that something negatively to gain massive attention/reaction [eg. “XX raised his hand on show Y” - dk what XX fans are thinking, are they literally blind? XX fans are tasteless just like XX hahaha / “XX did community service” - they are acting / “XX breathed” - From the start, i thought XX was NN, but I am so ZZZ that XX breathed. Goodbye fandom, i’m leaving. Those who still want to stay I urge you to rethink your life choices] - if I may add, Xiao Zhan’s fanfiction case as well.

Metaphor - Ability to use bare hands to collect paychecks from the urinal/toilet bowl where their boss/client peed in: Doing all of the above.

Apologies for any term offense, but not apologetic of the term context. This is what they do for a living. Any normal human being who do not like anything, will generally not be interested at anything about it in the first place, so to have some antis/toxic fans knowing certain things and inside jokes/references in their posts questions their goal.

On involved in Internet Water Army/Immoral Media 💧

Fans on weibo during these few months witnessed many of the above on GZ. From rumored girlfriend (spammed with articles) to mean and nasty comments on trending topics, to bouts of insults and fake emotional cryouts by certain fan accounts that GZ's office has to release a number of Lawyer’s letter to them.

Aside from WOH there were also a few other BL adaptation films that were actually released this year but they did not reach exponential success like WOH. BL adaptations are so highly followed by because this is the key to wealth. Literally. Successful BLs like The Untamed and Dao Mu Bi Ji saw the amount of wealth fans are willing to spend on the celebrity as compared to say BG or idols (younger fan groups). This is why when WOH shot up exponentially, Immoral Media start to sweat.

Major anticipated adaptations were supposed to air this year eg. Hao Yi Xing(HYX), Sha Po Lang(SPL) etc but was severely held back due to the stricter change in BL adaptations submitting their scripts for approval regulations (WOH manage to submit earlier before the change). Because of this, most final films were rejected and they have to keep re-editing, by then WOH was already months into reaping tonnes of major brand endorsements, shows/movie casting, variety show appearances etc, something that is seen as too successful in the Immoral Media’s eyes, because they have to create buzz for other celebrities, some are specific celebrity oriented and thus circulate rumors about having endorsement opportunities shifted from celebrity X to GZ (think fanfiction-rumors and shit stirrer) causes tension in celebrity fandoms. - A real event just in July:

The Untamed’s cp fandom is called BJYX which had always been in the Top 1 of Cps for 2 years dropped for awhile to Top 2, over taken by LLD. Both of them had a war and hated each fandom, one fandom is somehow not allowed to like the other fandom even casually after everything broke out because it started out with some BJYX toxics photoshopped GZ on of portraits .

Also another case of which he wore the same costume as WYB did in a previous photoshoot and it became a useless comparison of who wore better, who looks better, degrading the other. (Finger stirring shit).

Now apply all of the above things the Internet Water Army do and we have them earning money, while both fandom reacts and hate each other.

In LLD, our own fans started suspecting each other on who is a spy from BJYX and what not.

The first few months of Internet Water Army saw LLDs mostly mocking them because the average age is 30-40s, they know and see through all of their intentions so nothing was big. They were trumpeting and LLDs didn’t even care, what with all the doing tedious stats was not even important to them.

Over time, as the issues they create became more and more serious LLDs did start to care, reporting Toxic Marketing accounts/toxic fans became a daily task, go vote for GZ at certain polls etc, solo fans, and LLD fans also split apart. Solo fans think cp fans use GZ to furnish their fantasies, and cp fans thinks they are the ones furnishing their dreaming-girls fantasy with (aka my boyfriend).

There was also a period where LLD had a habit of continuously mentioning “we are in the 30-40s so we can see through everything about the media, we are all fans for the first time, we are good at spending money (because of purchase power compared to other fandoms)” it was prevalent for so long it felt odd, ‘chasing celebrities the first time’ in particular sounds more vulnerable as a weakness than a strength / sth to be proud of.

Gradually, more secretive/insider confirmed ‘sweets’ were flying around. Fans advised each other to not circulate, and the mindset of “if you know, you know, dont tell.” (This is a problematic mentality, of which fans will still be curious to know and search for it themselves, but this secretive hook is unhealthy. Over the long term, it becomes hard for existing fans to know a lot of things properly to judge for themselves, especially those who knew and publicly reacted, but blasting those who ask and telling those who know to keep quiet, this did not help some to understand why on certain things, even so for international fans, dont know and dont understand, causing misunderstandings. Yes, certain information should not be shared, so why should you react about it publicly in the first place? - Internet Water Army effect)

The last few months (for example the July fan war) created a tonne of seriousness and anger. A period even broke out with a tonne of ‘insider confirmed sweets’ (which is LLD’s daily dose of happiness), it was hard to tell what was real and what was fake. Trending topics became negative and everyone warned each other not to enter because it will give the trends ‘views’ and trend statistics, in reality entering there is to enter an exhibition by the self-deteriorates, collecting the fandom's traffic data (it's a sure lose for fans each time they enter the topic). Everyone even starts thinking that the trend’s popularity was caused by each other (it's true but it can be bought daily and not caused by fans). There was a raise in the number of fans who were getting emotional because they want to protect but Internet Water Army kept coming and got worse, because fans, tbh, not just GZ fans, every other celebrity’s fans are always fighting with an Army, getting played and plotted in that Army's calendar.

Even so, despite all of these, LLD is actually a fandom Internet Water Army may find the hardest to break because they understand GZ so much, they could tell what are fake news regarding GZ, because among everything above, there are still plenty of logical fans to stop many fans from drifting too far and debunking them. Why? 30-40s are grown up adults.

Why 13.8.21 and the Japan issue is plotted?

First of all, in the political climate of China, there are many political dates in a month that is NO-Entertainment news. Because it’s the honoring of certain important political events. It’s like Remembrance Day, thus the sensitivity is higher. On these days, there are usually no news and even the Internet Water Army zip their pants. This year also marks the 100th year of the Chinese Communist Party(link)

Secondly, he had no work schedule on 13 August 2021. A great full day to focus on any other news (because if he had schedules, everyone will turn their attention to his events, what trumpeting outside is just bird chirps).

Thirdly, when the news broke out, especially about the shrine, the reception was actually quite serious within the fandom so the scale of this might be big but to what extent in reality?

Lastly, 15.8.21 marks the 76th anniversary of the announcement of surrender of Japanese in World War 2(link). Also a day of NO-Entertainment news.

Timeline of events:

13.8.21 - [His rest day, Eve of Chinese Valentine's Day, Japan News broke out] His rest day, no schedules = increased attention about him online. Lowered guard among fans because they are getting ready for tomorrow's Chinese Valentine's sweets = Caught off guard = Huge break out of fans' reactions

14.8.21 - [Chinese Valentine's Day, Eve of the 75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender] Keep a wishful and happy demenaor to not destroy the mood, suppressed thoughts about ZZH's Japan news

15.8.21 - [75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender, Official announcement of ZZH's boycott and all China social media account ban] NO-Entertainment news day, Solemn day, not allowed to voice anything so the fandom can only wait for tomorrow to start voicing out/debunking but before they can wait out, the boycott and social media ban happened, every official accounts about him was gone overnight, fans had no time to react

17.8.21 - [All official fandom accounts related to ZZH and JunZhe were locked/removed]

Forced to be silent since the day his matter broke out, over the course of official news release with everything taken down in a day because of the Japan correspondence, his accounts banned overnight across the Chinese media and the overnight cancellation, fans could not speak anything about it. Overnight cancellation like this scale happened for the first time in China, leaving no time to react by the fandom, by the time they can, they are silenced.

When the period of events occured within a set of special dates, it’s not coincidence.

Conclusion

Because he was too successful and had many actually honorable past things, and a hard to influence fandom, Internet Water Army view him as a huge threat enough to want to destroy him, because it’s hard to defeat. With a chance they have, they will hold it till the end, bringing up this issue to the Government during this period also shows a sign of how scared they were of him and perhaps his fandom to plot something like this.

Updated on 19 August: Here's a screenshot of assumed calculation on the scale of GZ success for reference while chatting with a fellow fan, assuming GJ also has 27 brands, and there are 1000 brands. Rationale of numbers used: Only big brands can hire big celebrities.

Bonus

Mentioned in the first post, will mention again in case. After the news broke out within 2 days, there was a drop on his weibo followers from 18.9mil to 18.7mil. 200k+ drops, if the politics was such a big national issue, there should at least be a huge drop, even at least a million right? Because weibo is a China-Chinese majority right? Nope, we get a puny 200k drop.

What's funny? The self-deteroriates:

Translation: "Are his fans bought? Why didnt he drop fans? Those people got brainwashed to this point?" / "I've never entered his weibo and today i feel like having a look yet it showed I've followed him. All his fans were bought right? It disgusts me, i immediately unfollowed. This kind of process is worse than WYF..." / "i dropped fans because of him...no...I just reposted 2 posts and I've dropped 4 fans?"

Isn't the tone and regressing brain cells, all too familiar and same?

Added above, will remind again to read this link. It has an even more in-depth knowledge on who are paying them.

So what should we do? Link here

Related posts 🛏️:

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the-insomniac-emporium · 3 years ago

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Crimson Ties (Bela Dimitrescu/Reader, Soulmate AU) Pt. 2

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village

Rating: T for language and mild medical drama

Warnings: Typical Vampire shenanigans

Genre: Hurt + comfort

Summary: Bela is somewhat unprepared to deal with a soulmate who has no clue about her condition, her family, or any of the village's secrets. Thankfully, her sister Cassandra is more than willing to be a bad example. Also there's some fluff.

Notes: For reference, each of my soulmate stories take place in their own contained timeline, since they each involve different types of soulmates. So in this one, Cass doesn't currently have a soulmate.

Previous Chapters: 1: Stem the Flow

2: Tangled Strands

A gentle humming fills the space around you, as fingers slowly run through your hair. As far as you can tell you had fallen back asleep, for several hours, and you were just now waking back up. No longer holding you down, your soulmate is curled up next to you. There’s still a needle in your arm, much to your irritation, but now you can finally see what it’s connected to: An IV for a transfusion. Explains why I’m feeling so much better than before, you think. Then you’re turning your head to the other side, eager to finally get a good look at your soulmate. Instantly you’re blushing, tongue tying itself into a knot, because wow are you lucky.

“Feeling any better?” She asked, as soon as your gaze met hers. You try to stutter out a confirmation, but you’re too distracted by the soft curve of her smile to speak, and barely even manage a nod. That beautiful smile grows wider in response. “Good. I couldn’t stand the thought of you suffering more, after what you’ve already been through.” Now her smile fades, and she looks away for a few moments. Watching it makes your heart ache. So you swallow the lump in your throat, willing yourself to relax, before trying a little comforting of your own.

“I am safe now, am I not? Moreso, we have too much to talk about for us to dwell on the ill circumstances of our introduction. Let us cherish this time, in respite, with our hearts open wide to one another,” you said, donning your softest smile. Somehow your words fulfill their purpose, and your soulmate is once again grinning. Slowly she leans forward to rest her forehead against yours. Then she’s speaking, voice as smooth as the sheets you lay on.

“You are right, of course. I simply wish I could have saved you sooner,” she replied, tone betraying the sadness that her expression otherwise hid. Before you can protest, she continues talking, and you soon forget all about your qualms. “To think I don’t even know your name yet… nor you mine, I suppose. Let’s remedy that, yes? I am Bela Dimitrescu.” Something about her last name feels familiar to you, but not to the point of clear recognition. Instead of inquiring, you return her favor, giving her your own name. She repeats it back a few times, letting the syllables roll off her tongue, and you feel your heart skip a few beats. “A lovely name for a lovely soul, perfectly paired.”

A pause, followed by Bela reaching out to examine your IV. Following her gaze, you turn to the metal hook adjacent to the bed, where a blood bag hangs. Only a few drops remain inside. Just as when you first awoke, Bela gives a soft hum, then rises into a sitting position. Your first instinct is to copy the motion, and you’re relieved when (this time) she doesn’t push you back down. Both of you quietly inch your hands closer until they’re laid on top of each other.

“I wish I knew more about medicine, but unfortunately my family is more experienced in the creation of wounds than the treatment of them,” Bela said, scowling. Confused, you tilt your head at a slight angle, watching her with interest. Am I supposed to know who she’s referring to? My memories of the past couple days are still hazy, you think. “Do… do you remember how you ended up in the dungeon? I know you wanted to speak of happier things, and we can, soon. It’s just… Knowing how you arrived here may help me deal with the consequences of freeing you. Mother will be dreadfully upset that I’ve interrupted a draining, even if we are soulmates.”

“Wait, are you saying…? The intimidating giantess who strung me up and attempted to bleed me dry… is your mother?” You asked, jaw nearly dropping to the floor. This was an unexpected development, for sure.

“You didn’t know?” Bela replied, eyes going wide for a moment. Clearly she wouldn’t have said anything if she realized you weren’t already aware. Suddenly the tension in the room is palpable, with an uncomfortable silence overtaking the two of you. In the moment, you cannot even bring yourself to look at Bela, too stunned by this new knowledge. Eventually she breaks the silence, voice sounding unsure for once. “I realize that this is a lot to take in, if you need time to process it, I… I can go. But you need to understand that our situation is far more complicated than it might appear. We cannot survive without the blood of others- it is what sustains us when nothing else can.”

Now you’re staring at her like she’s crazy, and she’s standing up, moving to the other side of the room. She draws back a curtain, gazing out into the snow covered hills. Every muscle in your body is urging you to run while she’s distracted. Thread of fate be damned, this went far beyond anything you had ever imagined having to deal with. You come so close to ripping the IV right out of your arm. But a gentle tug on your soul string makes you pause, remembering all the times this bond gave you hope in dark times. Had she felt the same way, all these years? What had she gone through, in this absurd castle, on the very edges of civilization? You pull on the red thread, feeling a wave of composure wash over you.

“It appears there is much I need to learn. But is that not the very nature of our connection? We know, simply, that we are bound to each other, though we know not what shapes our souls take so that we might put them together, nor even what roles we must play. I cannot say that I understand your plight, my dear, but I will try, as is my obligation, and my honor,” you said, wishing you could hold her, and cursing your IV. As soon as the first word leaves your mouth, Bela is turning around, watching you with a bittersweet expression. Once you’re done she’s moving closer, as if reading your mind, extending a hand to cup your cheek. Then she leans forward to press a brief kiss to your forehead. “Oh, how I have longed for this- to be with you, to get to know you.”

“As did I,” she murmured. You can’t help but lean into her touch, closing your eyes and enjoying the moment. “Perhaps I should introduce you to my family? I imagine you’ll be needing breakfast anyway, and bringing human food back to my quarters would raise more suspicion than I’d like.” Well, the moment couldn’t last forever, could it?

“Only if you promise that your mother won’t suspend me by my wrists again. Or by any other part of me. Shall we simply put suspension off the table altogether?” You asked, half teasing. To be entirely honest, you were equally worried about Bela’s sisters. Well, the people you had heard other prisoners whispering about, who were the daughters of the giantess, and by connecting a few dots were also, presumably, Bela’s sisters. Apparently they preferred to play with their food. Unless, of course, Bela was one of the daughters you had heard about, and would have easily torn into you if not for your connection. Let’s not dwell on that concept, you think, glad to be distracted by your soulmate.

“I will not let anyone harm you anymore, my beloved. My mother would not stand so firmly in the way of my happiness,” Bela reassured, though you detected a hint of uncertainty in her tone. Still, there wasn’t much you could do other than trust her. “Now, let me take care of your bandages, then we’ll head downstairs…”

---------------------------------

“Who the fuck is this?” An unfamiliar voice asked, as you meandered down the corridor, arm around Bela for support. As soon as she hears the person speak, your soulmate is freezing in place, casting a worried glance over her shoulder. When you turn as well, you spot someone dressed almost identically to Bela. However, the woman wears a yellow pendant, as opposed to a red one, and her hair is a dark brown. It feels safe to assume that she’s one of the sisters you’ve heard about. Which understandably makes you nervous, to the point where you almost want to hide behind Bela. Instead, you stand tall, attempting to seem unfazed by either her presence or her vulgarity.

“Mind your manners, Cassandra,” Bela hissed, taking more of an aggressive stance than you had anticipated. “This, dear sister, is my soulmate. And if you even think about harming them, or getting in our way, I will tear you apart.” While you’re downright shocked at the intensity of Bela’s statement, her sister doesn’t look at all impressed, and eyes you with minimal interest. Better than looking at you with hatred, right? Apparently not, as Bela moves to stand between the two of you, eyes narrowed. There’s a clear stiffness in her posture that leaves you anxious. Cassandra seems to notice it as well, and laughs, before taking a few steps in your direction. Then your soulmate mimics the movement, forcing you to do so as well.

“They’re human,” Cassandra snapped, pausing to sniff the air and scowl. “Here I thought your soulmate would have to be special, if they’re to compare to your ego. You’re disappointed, aren’t you? Having to settle for this.” With that she shifts, flesh writhing, making your stomach churn as you watch her disintegrate into a cloud of… flies? What the hell is wrong with this family? Can Bela do that too? I hope not, you think. Soon you’re pulled from your thoughts, however, as the swarm circles around you, single insects occasionally surging forward to cut at your skin. But Bela is grabbing you by the sleeve and tugging you to her chest, moving against a wall so that her body shielded your own. Your eyes clamp shut as you shake in her arms. When the buzzing stops, it is quickly replaced with cruel laughter. “That fragile, hmm? I can’t wait to see what mother thinks. See you at breakfast, sister!”

Then the two of you are alone, still pressed against the wall, staying still until the sound of footsteps fade. You’re stunned, unsure of how to react. The fact that a few drops of blood roll down your cheek only makes things worse. Still, Bela managed to prevent you from getting too hurt, and the few wounds on your body are negligible. Ever filled with gratitude, you hold her close as you try to stutter out a few sentences.

“Is she always this hostile, or am I truly not what you had expected? No, pay me no mind, it hardly matters. Thank you for protecting me,” you whispered. In response, Bela gives you a little squeeze, then pulls back enough to wipe the blood from your face. There’s a hint of something odd in her expression, which you interpret to be related to her apparent ‘need for blood’. Thankfully, she is in perfect control, and does not frenzy the same way you had read about fictional vampires doing. But she does hesitate, words dying on her tongue, like there are a thousand things she wants to say, and no words to say them with. “It’s alright, my dear. Let’s just go to breakfast, like we planned, and hope your sister behaves better when supervised.”

Bela nods, quickly, before taking your hand in her own. Whatever awaited you in the dining room, the two of you would be ready. Hopefully.

#babe why aren't you this nice to ME #bela dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu x reader #resident evil: village #re8 village #soulmate au #imagine bela's soulmate meeting cassandra's #they'd be very unlikely friends #cassandra would HATE how well behaved her soulmate would be #like #tumblr keeps rearranging the order of my tags???#I'll fix that later

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eirikaanemo · 4 years ago

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Can You Keep A Secret?

Warnings: imprisonment, mentions of starvation and sickness

Note: I haven't actually played Dvalin's quest but I tried to keep it as close to canon as possible. Feel free to leave a comment or message me if you see something wrong.

Venti x GN!Reader

1.9k Words

Your soulmate is secretly Barbatos... now what?

Everyone has a soulmate. And everyone is born knowing your soulmate's biggest secret. For most people it’s really unhelpful, but for some people it helps them find their soulmate. You’re in the latter group, because yours gives you a name.

You've known your whole life that your soulmate is secretly Barbatos. It's… interesting, to say the least. Of course you'd never dare to tell anyone. Thankfully, asking someone what their soulmate’s secret is isn’t very common. It’s considered to be very rude, so no one asks you what your secret is. They'd think you're crazy!

Barbatos hasn't been around for centuries and you're a mortal. This is the sort of thing you would read about in trashy romance novels! But even though it’s crazy and kind of overwhelming, you know it's true. You don't know if he'd ever accept you or want to be with you, in fact, you’re pretty sure he won’t, but you want to try.

Once that’s settled, you just have to find him. If he's anywhere, it's probably the city of Mondstadt. That’s where he seems to have shown up the most in the past, after all. So you move to Mondstadt. It’s a nice place and the people are friendly. Finding a job with the Knights of Favonius was fairly easy and it paid pretty well.

Unfortunately, the 'Storm-terror' problem starts shortly after you move. He throws the whole city into chaos the first time, and then proceeds to keep doing it regularly. The fear is all encompassing, but that's fine, you try to convince yourself. It will all be worth it when you find him. ‘If you find him’, your traitorous mind whispers.

It's been months, a year even, and you're starting to lose hope. How were you expecting to find Barbatos anyway? Shout from the rooftops for him to reveal himself and whisk you away? He hasn't been around for a long time and you knew that. And to be honest, at this point you've given up.

Going home is the logical thing to do, it’s where your family is after all. But you stay because you made yourself a home here. You have friends: Jean, Lisa, and Kaeya. You have come to love the city: music, freedom, and camaraderie. Well, you love the city except for the 'Storm-terror' attacks. Those aren't very lovable.

What concerns you the most though is that 'Storm-terror' is a dragon. And dragons trend to be important (like, archon important). But no one seems to remember this one. So you research. You visit the cathedral and speak with some nuns. You dedicate some time to listening to bard’s tales, asking them if they know any songs about dragons. One does, and it's surprisingly informational. You spend time at the library, pouring through book after book. And after all this investigation, you've come to the conclusion that 'Storm-terror' is actually Dvalin of the Four Winds. Not that anyone actually believes you

It didn't stop you from telling people your theory though, and being more respectful in how you refer to him, despite all the damage he's caused. Eventually they do start considering it and the city starts catching on. If you keep doing this, you may be able to change the city's perspective of and reaction to Dvalin.

The abyss mage catches on to this, and he just can't let that happen. It could compromise the whole plan. So one day he has Dvalin abduct you and locks you up. And true to your luck, this happens out of the blue while you’re taking a walk that you’d finally convinced Jean to go on with you. Which, of course, reverses all your progress and makes the situation even worse than it was before. Incidentally, this also does the exact opposite of what you’d been trying to do by stressing out poor Jean more.

The abyss mage doesn’t care about anything other than making sure you’re not able to go back to Mondstadt. The mage does not care about human necessities. Who cares if you die? Not him. He hates humans. It's kind of part of his job description.

Your prison is where Dvalin retreats to when not attacking. And the mage has to go report to someone else sometimes, giving you opportunities to speak with Dvalin. He never responds to you, but you can tell he eventually starts listening. You start by rambling about various subjects; then talking about how you know he's Dvalin, and that you're sorry he was being treated like he was, once you know he is listening. Because while you don’t know the whole situation, you know that he feels hurt by how humans have treated him.

After several days of talking to him, he slowly starts warming up to you. It’s a strange sort of bond that grows stronger as time goes on. He starts responding and the two of you actually have conversations instead of just you talking. Eventually you even mention how you know your soulmate is actually Barbatos and that you've kind of given up finding him.

He gives a thoughtful hum, lets you vent out your feelings, tries to think of an appropriate response, then allows you to drop the subject once you’ve worn yourself out emotionally. It’s becoming obvious that your health, physical, mental, and emotional, is degrading faster as time goes on.

One day Dvalin and the mage both disappear for longer than usual. After the mage makes sure you won’t be able to escape, of course. It’s not like you would’ve been able to leave anyway. At that point you’re not able to do much at all.

Little did you know that only Dvalin would be returning. They ended up facing the traveler and their companions in battle, and Dvalin was freed from the mage’s influence. The first thing Dvalin does is take them to help "the one decent human, that he actually cares about". You're in bad shape at this point, starving, sick, and weak. But you’re aware enough to hear Jean call your name and feel someone gather you in their arms before blacking out.

When you wake up you're at the cathedral and are feeling much better. Certainly you are not fully recovered, that will take weeks. That one bard who was able to play you a song about Dvalin is always there. You vaguely remember him being there when you were found. He doesn’t really interact with you much, he’s just kind of there, but he does play peaceful music that helps you fall asleep when you’re struggling to rest.

Then the day comes for you to go home. They’ve done all they can for you and you’re past the worst of it. But you’re well enough to be out and about. “Now you take care of yourself,” Barbara lectures you. “Don’t push yourself, get plenty of rest, drink lots of water, and eat three square meals a day, got it?”

“Got it,” you confirm. “Thank you for taking care of me, I really appreciate your help.” She smiles, wishes you well, and returns to the cathedral. You take a moment to breathe and just appreciate being back home, free of your prison and the small cathedral room they’d kept you in while treating you.

Taking a deep breathe you start on your way home. “Hey!” You hear someone exclaim behind you. “Could you hold on a second?” Turning around, you see the bard quickly excusing himself from a street performance before running to catch up to you. Once he’s caught up, he gives you a smile.

“Hi! I’m Venti the bard! Would you be willing to speak with me about something? It’s kind of private so we would need to go to windrise or something, but you’ll want to hear this, I promise.” He says. “Alright,” you agree, “but I can’t make it all the way to windrise. Would my home do? I live alone so we’ll have privacy.” He nods, “that’ll work great!”

The walk home is quiet but comfortable. The bard’s content to hum a tune as he follows you through the streets. Soon you’re home, unlocking the door to let you and your guest in. You lead him over to the couch where you both sit down. “So,” you say, “what did you want to talk about?”

“Well, I was talking with Dvalin a day or so after we freed both of you and he said you mentioned you came to Mondstadt searching for your soulmate. And that you said your soulmate’s biggest secret, the one that you know, is that they’re Barbatos,” he explains. You feel a pang of betrayal at Dvalin’s actions and some guilt for sharing your soulmate’s secret in the first place.

It probably showed on your face because he quickly spoke up again. “He didn’t just tell me for no reason though. You see, I am Barbatos. I’m your soulmate.” Your head, which had been drooping with the weight of your emotions suddenly shot up as you fumbled for a response.

Apparently that showed too because he continued, “And I’m sorry I made it so hard for you to find me. I’m sorry I almost made you give up on me. Most of my waking time is spent incognito so I can watch over everyone while not being put in a position of authority. I didn’t anticipate meeting you ”

There’s a moment or two of silence as you gather your thoughts. “It’s okay,” you assure him. “I understand why you did what you did and I’ll never hold it against you. How were you supposed to know I was even born yet, not to mention that I’ve been in the area searching for you.”

You take another moment or two to gather your wits. “I will also understand if you don’t want to do anything about this,” you state. “I don’t want you to feel forced into having a relationship with me if you don’t want to. The last thing I’d want to do is be responsible for making you miserable. And that’s not to mention how you’re an archon and I’m just a mortal.”

Your talking speeds up as you start rambling, losing control of the conversation as you feel more and more nervous. Once you realize you’re rambling you shut your mouth with a click. “Sorry about that,” you mutter. “I do that sometimes when I’m nervous.”

When you chance a glance at him, he honestly looks a little offended but mostly just really sad. “Is- is that really what you think I think about this?” He asks softly. “Because it’s not. I absolutely want this. I absolutely want you. I’ve been looking forward to this moment for millenia and I wouldn’t give this up for the world.”

He reaches over and slowly, hesitantly, so as to give you time to escape if you want, gathers you into his arms. You realize that he’s the one who picked you up to bring you home. Your ear rests against his chest as lean against him, and his heart skips a beat as you gently grab one of his hands and kiss it. “I’m glad,” you breathe. “I’m glad too,” he voices softly.

You yawn, feeling the exhaustion from your journey home and the rest of the day hit you. He pulls you close and whispers in your ear, “Sleep well, my cecilia, I’ll be here when the sun comes up and when you wake up.” You fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

#eirika writes #venti x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin venti #venti #soulmate au

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batmayne · 4 years ago

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𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 “𝐁𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐘” 𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐒 - fluff alphabet by @snk-warriors

featured song: Hide by Juice Wrld and Seezyn

warnings: small mentions of angst

authors note: this was written before tfatws (aka before I knew bucky’s personality) so I apologize for any inconsistencies and or if he’s ooc.

𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 - what do they like to do with their significant other? how do they spend their free time with them?

Since Bucky’s only available time to spend with you would most likely just be time he had off in between missions (unless you were an avenger yourself), most of your time spent together would be spent relaxing. If you do happen to not be an Avenger or maybe live out of New York (kind of like Laura Barton) he would more inclined to spend time at your house instead of his own. You are his solace away from all of the peril and endangerment that comes with his everyday occupation from saving the world from various threats - anytime spent with you is enough to make him happy. Activities wise I believe that he would enjoy simple things like taking your dog for a walk in the park, visiting a local museum or even just going to a family owned diner to grab milkshakes. Time not spent out would most likely be spent indoors reading or watching movies.

𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐘 - what do they admire about their significant other? what do they think is beautiful about them?

I can’t imagine that things like appearance, weight and height mean a whole lot to him, your personality is what really drew him in. He was initially attracted to your kindness and patience, because just befriending someone with the amount of baggage that his past holds is no easy feat. Unlike others, you didn’t treat him like a monster because of what HYDRA had forced him to do for the past 70 years of brainwashing. He admires you for taking the time to understand him when no one else did, especially after Steve went back in time to be with Peggy. He and Sam had become close of course but it couldn’t compare to what he had with you.

𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓 - how would they help their significant other when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He knows all to well what it means it be “feeling down” or having troubles mentally so he would be very understanding about it. If you a working or have some sort of occupation he would encourage you to probably take some time off to recover and if he was able he would take a break as well so you wouldn’t be alone. If it was more serious he would want you to go get help, because that is what you have done for him in the past.

𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌𝐒 - how do they picture their future with their significant other?

As mentioned earlier, I think that seeing what happened to Steve after he decided to spend his life with Peggy and have children of his own really would have struck a chord with him. Once he came out of HYDRA’s possession I think he may have thought that a chance at having a different life with a significant other and even children would be near impossible - but after he met you he was willing to give that fantasy a second try. I think he would be over the moon with eventually marrying you when things calm down some (he wouldn’t want to put you in danger if some enemy was targeting him) and having a child or two (if you wanted). Overall I think he just just craves for a simple and peaceful life with you, without having to worry about the dangers of his job or the outside world.

𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐋 - are they the dominant one in the relationship or rather passive?

The both of you are definitely equals in this relationship, in every aspect. I have to mention though, some of that 40’s gentleman may come out at times where he likes to hold the door open for you or help you out of the car. But he would only do this if you were comfortable with it of course, if it bothered you or got on your nerves in any way he would definitely stop - no questions asked.

𝐅𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 - would they be easy to forgive their significant other? how are they fighting?

There may be more arguments in the beginning of the relationship because he hasn’t been in one in so long, and the majority of them center around either him not wanting to hurt you on accident (I imagine that he is still uncomfortable with his arm) or pushing you away. Eventually after he gets more comfortable around you the fights will lessen, but when they do occur you just give eachother plenty of space before reconciling and trying to work things out. One thing he will not do is leave for a mission without making up with you - if something happened and your relationship was left on a bad note he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.

𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐄 - how grateful are they in general? are they aware of what their significant other is doing for them?

Bucky is beyond grateful that you are with him and he would reassure you about it constantly. Befriending him alone is a huge task in itself, not everyone has the patience to even do something as simple as that. Taking the time to get to know and understand why he is the way he is without judging him for it is something that he will be forever greatfull for.

𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐘 - do they hide secrets from their significant other? or do they share everything?

As much as he would want to shelter his ominous and dark past from you he knew that wouldn’t be possible with him being a wanted criminal several years ago - he wasn’t exactly famous be he was definitely well known (unfortunately not for the better parts of his life). It would take him some time for him to open up about everything he has gone through, but after some time he will open up about it. It’s nothing against you personally, he just fears that once you know everything you’ll run away from him (which wou wouldn’t of course). He just needs some time.

𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 - did their significant other change them somehow or the other way around? like trying out new things or helped them overcome problems?

Your relationship has had quite the positive effect on him since the start, and it’s something that his friends would immediately take notice of. Of course you couldn’t solve and help with everything that HYDRA has put him through, but just having you around has done tremendous things for his mood. When Sam notices that he hasn’t said “I hate you” to him in the past week, he knew that something was up.

𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐘 - do they get jealous easily? how do they deal with it?

I think Bucky would be more protective than jealous, but not in a creepy or possessive sense if you get what I am saying? He wouldn’t mind if you spent a lot of time hanging out with friends or anything like that, but if he feels like someone is making you uncomfortable he wouldn’t hesitate to place a reassuring hand around your waist so they’ll back off.

𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 - are they a good kisser? how was their first kiss? and 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 - how did they confess to their significant other?

He isn’t particular with his kisses in my opinion, as long as they aren’t too sloppy and there aren’t many people around (I’ll discuss this more in the PDA section). I head canon that he really likes giving and receiving cheek and forehead kisses - but he will repeatedly deny it if you mention it to anyone else. (Your first kiss and love confession happened at the same time so I wrote a little Drabble about it below eugh)

Your first kiss took place when you were bordering the fine line between friends and something more. Bucky was taking some time off after a particularly rough mission and you gave him a place to stay away from all of the action. Finding him outside relaxing on a bench not too far from your house/apartment, you joined him and sat in a peaceful silence for a few minutes.

“Hey [Your Name]?” He spoke tentatively, distracting you from picking at the fraying end of your shorts.

“What’s up?” You questioned in turn, raising an eyebrow. Your breath hitched when you felt the coolness of his metal hand gently grab one of yours, and his human one placed itself on top.

“I just want to say thank you.”

“Bucky, you know you’re welcome to stay here anytime you need to-“

“That’s not what I meant.” He cut you off immediately, his voice wavering slightly. “I mean thank you, for accepting me, and not judging me for my past.”

“Of course.” You chirped back, maybe a little too fast.

It sounds cheesy but it did feel as if something was drawing your faces closer, and you eventually placed your free hand on his cheek as if saying a silent “yes”. When his lips finally pressed upon your own you felt an eruption of butterflies fly around your stomach, especially after you felt his arm glide around to your back. Once he pulled away it was hard to keep the smiles plastered off of both of your faces.

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐆𝐄 - do they want to get married? how would they propose to their significant other?

Marriage wasn’t one of the things he thought that he would be able to enjoy when he was rescued from HYDRA, but I believe after he began his relationship with you he would most likely change his mind. Within the first few months of dating he already knows that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you so why not go ahead and tie the knot? He’d probably wait around a year to ensure that you felt the same before popping the question. I don’t get the “proposing in front of a large crowd of people vibe” from him so I’d probably say he would propose at an at home dinner where it was just the two of you. Most likely on a holiday such as Valentine’s Day or someday that was meaningful for the both of you (like the day you met or when you officially started dating).

𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 - what do they call their significant other?

Other than your name, Dollface or Doll.

𝐎𝐍 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄 - what are they like in love? is it obvious to others? How do they express their feelings?

Now, I wouldn’t necessarily call him a simp - because that would be disrespectful, but. Other than being reunited with his childhood best friend Steve, you are the best thing that has happened to him. Of course you couldn’t possibly solve all of his problems and erase everything horrible that has happened to him but you sure do help a lot. Sam notices that he is in noticeably brighter spirits and he is also experiencing less nightmares. When a particular mission gets rough or difficult the only thing keeping him going is knowing that you are at home waiting for him.

𝐏𝐃𝐀 - are they upfront about their relationship? do they brag with their significant other in front of others? or are they shy to kiss etc. with other people around?

Similar to Steve, I reckon that he wouldn’t be comfortable with public displays of affection because of the era he was raised in, where it was more frowned upon. Another thing to remember is that even though his name has been cleared he was a wanted criminal for quite some time, so I imagine he is already somewhat self conscious about being in public already. Additionally, the nature of his job caused him to already be a wanted target for many dangerous people, and he wants to keep you away from that by keeping you a secret from the public. This isn’t to say that he would be opposed to hand holding or subtle things such as that, just nothing that what be too attention grabbing from other people.

𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐑𝐊 - what random ability do they have that’s beneficial in the relationship?

As kind as he is once you get to know him personally - there is no denying that he can be quite intimidating, even without the vibranium arm. Though not intentional. Being with him is like having your own personal bodyguard around you at all times. Normally, you wouldn’t even have to worry about the potential unwanted admirer because his presence would scare them off before they even attempted to say anything.

𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 - how romantic are they? What would they do to make their significant other happy?

I cannot emphasize this enough, he is the perfect gentleman. Since he is unfortunately gone so often (saving the world and all), I theorize that his love language might be Recieving Gifts. They may not be extravagant or expensive but they’re things he thought you would like from the various locations that he’s visitied for missions. As far as making you happy he’ll do just about anything (within reason of course). Take watching movies for example, there may be a particular genre or type of film he isn’t interested in, but if you want to watch it he’ll oblige because he knows you would do the same for him. Another thing is when he is at home and not busy with missions, he ensures that all of his free time is spent with you.

𝐒𝐔𝐏𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓 - are they helping their significant other achieve their goals? do they believe in them?

He may not right off understand everything you want to achieve and why, but he would certainly do everything he can to help you achieve in them. Like I said, he might not actually understand entirely all of your goals, but he will be supportive regardless.

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐋𝐋 - do they need to try out new things to spice out their relationship? or do they prefer a specific routine?

Having been basically shut out from the world for the past 70 years, there is a plethora of things that Bucky has not seen yet or tried. Each date you have could mean trying something new, so things rarely ever get boring for with of you. While he doesn’t mind keeping a routine like getting dinner every Friday, its nearly impossible with what he does for a living.

𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 - how much do they know their partner? are they empathetic?

As you do with him, he knows you like the back of his hand. Even though he may not have known you throughout your entire life, I would say knows you on a closer level than most of your friends and relatives (which the exception of your parents and closest friends depending on your on your relationship with them). As stated earlier, he might not understand everything that you might go through but he will surely be empathetic to all of your struggles - as you are with his own.

𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐔𝐄 - how important is the relationship to them? what is it’s in it’s comparison to their things in their life?

Your relationship is by far the best thing that has ever happened to him so if something were to happen to it he would certainly be broken up over it, as would you. A lot of your relationship was founded on helping eachother through difficult times going on in both of your lives so the relationship ending would be quite problematic for the both of you. In comparison to other things that are in his life you are most definitely at the very top of that list.

𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐃 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃 - a random fluff head canon.

He refuses to let you tie your own shoes when they come loose. It was a subtle thing you noticed even at the beginning of your friendship. One of your laces would come untied and he’d keep insisting that you tie them so you wouldn’t fall and get hurt - until he eventually would just do it himself. It was a subtle gesture but still enough to make you swoon a bit at the kindness of it.

𝐗𝐎𝐗𝐎 - are they affectionate? do they love to kiss and cuddle?

He is indeed affectionate, as long as you are alone and no other people are around. Having said this I feel like having a significant other who is constantly cuddling him might make him uncomfortable, so someone more low key and less touchy would be his vibe. Bucky has spent a lot of his life alone and in isolation, so it would definitely be something that he would get used to at the beginning of your relationship. This doesn’t mean he wont cuddle at all though, he just may not be into it as much as others.

𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 - how will they cope when they are missing their partner?

An unfortunate side effect of dating a superhero is that they’ll be away on missions quite often - you and Bucky’s relationship was no stranger to that. I’d imagine that he would attempt to call and text as much as he could, but of course the majority of the time he would be unavailable. To cope with missing you, he would probably end up talking about it to Sam after a lot of coaxing. While it would indeed help some, what actually kept him going was as I said earlier: knowing that you were at home safe and waiting for him to get back.

𝐙𝐄𝐀𝐋 - what lengths are they will to go for the relationship? if so what kind of lengths?

As I have stated numerous times your relationship is what keeps him going everyday, it’s what wakes him up in the morning. You are the single most important person in his life and always will be. He would do anything within his power to ensure your safety (within the parameters of reason of course). But in general he would do about anything for your relationship.

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neon-junkie · 4 years ago

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Hey everyone,

This will be my final post addressing the fandom conflict that has quite frankly gotten out of hand. Although it’s very likely this post will be picked apart, no matter how well intended it is, I will no longer be addressing, interacting, or responding to any further accusations made against me. Of course, if people have questions from a genuine place of interest, I will be happy to clarify anything for you, either via DM’s or non-anon asks. I will not be answering anonymous asks on this, as I do not want anything else posted on this topic.

As a side note: For anyone tempted to wade into the debate, I sincerely ask you not to get involved. Do not make yourself a target, do not feel you need to ‘pick a side’, and please do not think you have an obligation to reason with either side. It seems to be well past the point of that, so please find people you get along with in this fandom and curate a space for yourself away from all this conflict.

Warning: This post will contain uncensored slurs, mentions of racism, paedophilia, transphobia, LGBTQ+ phobia, death threats, threats of violence, targeted harassment, and abusive language.

To start off, I want to apologise to everyone who has somehow gotten drawn into this mess by either defending me, following me, or interacting with my content. This whole situation with me began well over a year ago when I wrote a crack-smut fic featuring Javier/Micah, posted back in August 2019. A crack fic is defined as “a work of fan fiction that is absurd, surprising or ridiculous, often intentionally.” It was inspired by a camp interaction between Micah and Javier, and like many other fanfiction writers, I decided to write smut about it. The fic was titled ‘Dirty Fucking Greaser’, and if that shocks you, I’m sure you can imagine how shocked I was to be informed afterwards that ‘Greaser’ was in fact a very serious 19th century slur for a Mexican individual. My first encounter with this word as insult was via RDR2, where it was used like a very casual insult. My only prior knowledge of this term was in regards to the greasers youth subculture, so the severity was lost on me. This obviously does not excuse my ignorance, and I should have researched the term better, but this is just again to apologize for that oversight, the insensitivity, and to highlight that my use of this term was not meant maliciously. Following this being pointed out, I proceeded to make 3 separate apology posts [Unfortunately I can only find the third one: HERE], renamed the fic, and added slur warnings in both the tags and the fic description. When I continued to receive complaints and increasingly aggressive abuse (which included being told my apologies weren’t good enough and I should delete my account and even kill myself), I attempted to delete the fic and mistakenly abandoned it instead. I contacted AO3 to see if it could be removed, but they said there was nothing they could do. I contacted their DMCA takedown team, who also said they couldn't remove it. Please note that all this happened 7-8 months ago, and has been dragged on for almost a year.

So, from this one unfortunate incident, I’ve been branded a racist, and someone who attacks POC, when all I have done is tried to defend myself and correct my past mistakes. I could have done this more gracefully in the past, but frankly when you’re suddenly the target of unrelenting callout posts and nasty anons, it’s very hard to be open to criticism of this sort, but this is what I’m trying to move past.

Over the course of the year, this one mistake has spiralled, and the crusade against me has somehow coincided with moral conflicts over certain characters and ships. This has devolved into dehumanizing abuse, witch hunts, death threats, doxxing, anon hate, and much more unpleasant behaviour.

I have been in fandom for a very long time, and at the heart of all fandom circles is the fear of censorship and subsequent purges, so the ‘ship and let ship’ mentality was more or less the pinnacle of fandom philosophy. And yes, this can be problematic in some contexts. People have their right to be uncomfortable with content, have a right to be offended by content, but that is not content meant for you. This argument has devolved into ‘what material is morally right to engage with’ and that is a mentality in which fandom will not survive, because for every person who is telling me I’m an awful person for writing about Micah, there are three other people telling me how much they appreciate me making that content. For every fic in which I characterize Javier and Flaco a certain way, some people are made uncomfortable by it and others tell me they enjoy it. And this isn’t just white people, but POC too, which makes it very difficult to know whether I am genuinely in the right or the wrong, especially when it comes to the concept of ‘fetishization’ which I have been made aware I need to educate myself on. I intend to do so, but I disagree with the common accusation that finding non-white men romantically and sexually attractive is inherently fetishistic and makes me racist. It’s pushing a catch-22; don’t find POC sexually attractive? Racist. Find POC sexually attractive? Racist.

I am always willing to be (politely) approached about anything my readers may be concerned about, but if it’s something I’ve specifically tagged for (such as themes, scenarios, etc.) I’m afraid you consented to reading it and with that I cannot help you. You are just as responsible for curating your space and what you see/read just as much as I am responsible for tagging it appropriately.

On the topic of racism, I want to bring up my prior use of ‘white racism’ which has obviously been a point of contention among both white and people of colour. The (literal) black vs white concept of racism is incredibly American-centric, and as someone from Europe, which has a history of oppression against white cultures and those of people of colour, it feels inaccurate. However, this has recently been discussed with me and I came to the realization that while growing up, especially in the UK, ‘xenophobia’ and ‘racism’ were marketed as one and the same. So, with this little revelation in mind, I will no longer be using ‘white racism’ (Or ‘reverse racism’) to identify the abuse I have been receiving, but will instead call it by what it really is; dehumanizing, debasing, xenophobic, puritanical.

Very briefly, I will also touch on the NewAustin situation, which has also been dredged into this. I did not ‘chase a POC from tumblr’. NA was a minor who for some reason was on my 18+ blog and took issue with me, likely from the ongoing discourse regarding my fic and initial mistake, as well as my interest in Micah. They were subsequently harassed into deleting their account by anonymous hate following various conflicts with other users for their support of me or their ships in general. I have never encouraged my followers to target anyone, and have always asked to be blocked and blacklisted by those who do not like me or my content. When NewAustin messaged me following the deletion of their blog, I was admittedly indifferent to the point of being unkind, and accused them of sending the hate themselves. This was based on the anon hate being racially-driven without there being any prior knowledge or publication that NA was a person of colour. This aside, I should have at the time, whether I believed it was my followers or not, condemned this behaviour. Regardless of the issues I’ve had with these people, it is never ever ok to send hate to anyone, no matter the motivation behind it, and that should have been stated at the time.

All I can do at this point is acknowledged and apologize for my past mistakes, and try to improve myself going forward.

It is not my place to dictate the morals of the character/ship-aspect of this argument, and I am not interested in waging a war of opinion. This post is simply to clarify how I am involved in this, and why I am so viscerally targeted. You can draw your own conclusions, but I am no longer interested in this endless back and forth.

To my mutuals/followers, I stand by my request to not interact and to block and move on, as this is what I’ll be doing too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope it makes things from my perspective a little clearer.

-RAT <3

EDIT: Just after this post was made, the fic in question was finally removed. I had to go through a DMCA take down, which can take months, since I originally abandoned the fic, thinking that meant delete. I explain this in more detail above. Said fic is gone, and has been gone since this post has been around.

#the tea #apology #long post

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randomshyperson · 4 years ago

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Wanda Maximoff/Reader - Land of Thieves - #ChapterThree

Gif is not mine got from google, idk who made it but i truly appreciate it.

Read on AO3 (EN) ///// Ler no AO3 (PT)

Summary: When you were a child, you swore that no matter how high the reward in your head, she could always count on you. Life as an outlaw in the west is not easy, but you believe that train robberies are still easier than asking a pretty girl to dance. Land of Thieves, also know as your love story with Wanda Maximoff in the Wild West.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit violence

"Howard Stark, the oil millionaire, has exclusively revealed to The Saint Denis Times, details of his new investment in the Heartlands in New Hanover"

You heard Steve read the contents out loud to you. You were sitting in his tent, leaning your back against the wood that held the tent upright. Peggy and Bucky were standing, while you and the twins were sitting on the ground, all listening intently to the captain's words.

- And then they narrate information about where the meeting will take place, and even the time Stark will be negotiating! - exclaims Steve.

- Rich people are stupidly confident. - Bucky comments, and everyone laughs briefly.

- The problem is who else will have the same idea as us. - You tell Steve, and he puts his hand to his chin thoughtfully. - With this information in the newspaper, a lot of people will be aware of the amount of money coming into Saint Denis.

- We have some advantages. - Peggy says. - Mainly the location. And besides, this kind of work will only be targeted by the bigger gangs. Who do we know that is in this area?

Steve runs his hands through his hair, and closes his eyes, as if trying to remember something. He exclaims after a moment.

- Where was the last time you heard of the Panthers? - He asks Bucky, who shrugs his shoulders.

- Three years ago. - replies the man. - They don't rob banks, Steve.

- That's even better then. - Steve says, but then turns to you. - Our only problem will be the O'Driscolls, they are the only ones who know we are in this area and have enough people for the job.

You exchanged a look with Pietro, and he nodded slightly. You sighed before you spoke:

- They' re not the only ones who know we're in the area. - You confessed and everyone, except Pietro, looked at you with surprise and curiosity. You felt quite embarrassed. - I had a little disagreement with Lemoyne Raiders yesterday afternoon.

Steve frowned at you, but you held his gaze. You did what you had to do to protect Pietro after all.

- Define exactly what kind of misunderstanding.

- We killed fifteen of them. - Cut Pietro off, and Steve looked at you in disbelief. Wanda also looked quite shocked.

- You went into a gunfight with a shoulder wound? - Steve looked at you seriously. - Have you completely lost your mind?

- She was helping me. - Pietro stood up, but he sounded almost embarrassed when he said it: - I got caught cheating.

- You must be joking. - Wanda's voice sounded and you watched her stand up and pinch her brother hard on the arm. Pietro complained with a groan.

Steve massaged his forehead impatiently.

- You guys are unbelievable. - He grumbled, and Peggy patted him on the back as she stood up, signaling him to sit down.

- Here's what we're going to do. - She began to speak in a calm but authoritative tone. Steve and I are going to set up the whole bank scheme, and we're going to find a way to use the O'Driscolls against themselves, in case they get the idea to rob Stark as well. I'll send Maria to find out about it. Wanda and Monica go to Limpany, find out if any Raiders are left alive to describe what these two look like, or if anyone is willing to talk.

- What about both of us? - Pietro asks, pointing at himself and at you.

- Potts always needs help in the kitchen. - Informs Peggy and you both let out a groan of discontent

Pietro grumbles slightly irritated - We are no longer children to be grounded.

- The first step is to stop your childish attitudes then. - Peggy replies, with an almost ironic expression. - Why don't you try to behave like Wanda, she went to get her engagement present and remembered to bring a newspaper with vital information!

Feeling your face getting very hot, you grumbled loudly " for heaven's sake" as the "adults" laughed at Peggy's insinuation. Tucking your face into your knees in embarrassment, you ignored the giggles. Wanda also blushed a lot, but you didn't notice from the position you were in.

The meeting ended shortly after, with Bucky signaling that he would be in charge of the weapons, as he usually was, as well as being the one with the sniper rifle, providing support from a distance.

You hurried back to your tent, since Pietro was frowning at the punishment, and Wanda had to go to Limpany later today. You watched her walk toward Carol's tent, where Maria and Monica were staying, as they refused to leave Carol's bedside until the woman was better, and then you looked away as Monica left with Wanda toward the horses.

Lying on your bed for several minutes, staring at the ceiling, you were startled to feel something being thrown against your body. Blinking in confusion, you picked up the object. It was some kind of luggage, you recognized as you turned. Then you looked at the two-letter border and turned your head quickly to the place from which it had been thrown.

Jumping out of bed, you almost tripped on the carpet, but kept your balance before throwing both arms around your friend, hugging her tightly. Nat laughed, but returned the squeeze.

- I missed you too. - She mumbled into your hair. You laughed, pulling away to look at her for a moment, before depositing several kisses on her cheek, making her laugh. It had been a habit of yours to greet her this way after long trips since you were little. - What happened while I was away?

She asked as soon as you let go.

- I'm grounded. - You shrugged, she raised her eyebrow.

- But you're too old for grounding now. - she joked. - Sorry, actually it starts tomorrow. - She sneered with irony, but you still laughed.

The two of you sat down on your bed, you placing Nat's luggage on the floor while crossing your legs as you sat down. She took off her boots and stretched her legs against your lap, letting her feet dangle, you played with the fabric of her pants in the area of her shins.

- How are you? - she asked after a moment. - You look different.

You grimaced. - Different?

- Tired I guess. - She explained. You shrug. Nat was always very good at reading you, well everyone else was in a way. Subtlety was not your strong suit.

- Well, this must be the quietest moment I have had in weeks. - You joked, but Nat frowned.

- I thought things would be quieter here. The south is less wild, isn't it?

You bit the inside of your cheek, thinking a little.

- I don't know, Nat. Everywhere there is someone who wants to shoot us.

- Where did you get this? - She asked after a moment, you looked at her, and realized that she was signaling with her eyes the wound on your shoulder. You gave her a sideways smile.

- In a fight I didn't have to buy. - You sneer and then add. - It was an ambush a few miles away.

-Is that why Peggy punished you? - she questioned, and you laughed.

- Oh no. I am grounded for getting into a shootout with a local gang, all because of a card game.

Nat blinked for a few seconds.

- I'll pretend you didn't say that.

You laughed at her expression and she nudged you, muttering something like "idiot," which made you smile more.

- But how about you, did you manage to find what you were looking for?

- Of course, sweetheart. - said the girl in a smug tone, and you rolled your eyes, smiling. - I was going to tell the captain how things are in New Austin, but when I passed his tent he had a serious expression and a hand on his head, as if he had a migraine. I knew right away that I had to talk to you first.

- He was worried that yesterday's fight would jeopardize the plan. - You said.

- I think he was worried about you.

You looked away, not knowing what to say. A moment passed in silence, until Nat nudged your leg lightly with her finger, a mischievous look on her face.

- I brought a present for the birthday girl. - She joked, making you laugh uncomfortably. - But I don't think you'll care much.

You frowned and asked her why in a confused tone. Nat laughed before adding:

- Another redhead is going to take all your attention, as far as I know. - She teased, and you looked away, blushing at the insinuation.

- Everyone decided to tease me about it all of a sudden. - You grumbled, making Nat laugh.

- Because it's fun. - She retorted, and you just crossed your arms. Seeing your embarrassed face, she lifted one of her legs, only to push your face away with her foot. You let out a loud exclamation, laughing as she pushed you away.

You spent the afternoon together, playing and talking. You were not impressed by how much you missed Natasha, after all, you had always been very close. Being a few years older, she joined the gang a few months after you, and a year before the twins. Peggy was the one who found her, you knew that she had no family and that she had run away from a convent in Saint Denis just as you had run away from an orphanage when you were a child; the difference was that Nat was already fourteen when she did. And then she joined the gang, and became a kind of big sister to you.

When Nat left your tent to go talk to Steve about the information she got from New Austin, you decided to get out of bed for a while. Walking over to the campfire, you felt a twinge of pain as you felt an arm rest on your injured shoulder, and Pietro quickly apologized, changing his position only to leave his hand under your healthy shoulder.

- What is it, Pietro? - You asked him.

- I wanted to apologize. - He spoke clumsily, and you looked at him in confusion. He looked down at the floor. - For your birthday, you know, I got you stuck here because of Limpany.

You punched him lightly in the stomach, smiling.

- Don't be an idiot. - You said. - You know I don't care about birthdays, and besides, we take care of each other.

Pietro smiled pushing you lightly with his hand on your shoulder as he agreed with his head, his cheeks flushed.

- I'll make sure we do something fun at least. - He said as he walked beside you to the fire. He looked around, as if thinking of some activity. - Maybe Potts will let us go fishing.

- Is this your idea of fun? - You scoffed as you sat down by the fire. Actually, you liked fishing, but you didn't miss opportunities to mess with your friends. Pietro laughed, sitting down beside you.

- I meant you, me, and Wanda. - He joked, but you refused to look at him. - Unless of course you prefer I stay here.

- I'm not saying anything. - You grumbled, grabbing a stick out of the grass to stir against the embers of the fire. Pietro just laughed at your grumpy posture.

It didn't take long for Potts to get your attention, asking for help with the supply wagon. You and Pietro were in charge of peeling vegetables for the next few hours.

On the morning of your birthday, you woke up to someone jumping on you. Honestly, you were more surprised to realize that the bed could withstand the commotion than to watch Natasha wake you up excitedly. She was always so loud when she knew she was annoying you.

You thanked her for the gesture by pushing her off the bed, and laughed when you heard her fall on her ass on the floor, complaining that you were a brute. You stretched your body and then stood up, intending to wash your face.

Steve came over to greet you as soon as you left your tent, and he had a gentle smile on his face.

- Happy birthday, Y/N. - He spoke as he gave her a short hug. - Let's celebrate tonight, shall we?

You nodded, embarrassed by the attention. You spent the next few minutes getting hugs and compliments from everyone. When Pietro gave you a tight hug, you laughed, watching him get a mischievous expression as he held a package in front of you.

- Get ready for my amazing gift. - He said, waving his right hand over the box, imitating a gesture of suspense.

- Ready I am. - You jokingly replied.

Grabbing the package, you opened it carefully, appreciating that he had taken the time to wrap everything. You let out a surprised sigh as you looked at the new set and sheet of classic playing cards. Opening the deck, you looked at the details on the cards, impressed with the quality of the edition, noticing that it was one of those special versions, with gold scratches, and you let out a giggle of excitement when you saw the acrylic sticker that came along with the set. It was a collectible card, and on this one you saw the picture of "Erik Lehnsherr", the famous German gambler.

- I loved it, Pietro. Thank you. - You said to him, hugging him by the shoulders.

- We are all going to enjoy this present. - Nat added, smiling at you both. You laughed, putting the set back in the box, you would replace your old one as soon as you got back to your room.

Nat also had something in her hands, but she didn't wrap it, probably because of the rush of the trip, but you loved it anyway. She had a mischievous smile when she lifted the bottle to her face.

- Scotch whisky, miss, limited edition 1802. - She narrated in a voice that made you laugh a little. You kissed her cheek and hugged her tight.

- Thank you, Nat. - You said when you let go of her, she just smiled at you.

Waving to you, Natasha left in the direction of Steve's hut, she probably needed her chores assigned to her. Pietro asked you if you wanted to join him in hunting some rabbits and you said you were just going to get your rifle.

Bucky stopped you on your way out of your tent.

- I also have a present for you. - he said, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

You smiled, grabbing the package he handed you. Hanging the rifle on your healthy shoulder, you tore the ribbon from the gift, opening it carefully. You looked at your new scout jacket, the brown fabric glistening in your eyes.

- Oh, Bucky, I love it. - You tell him, looking at him tenderly. Bucky looks slightly embarrassed, but hugs you tight.

- I thought that one was getting small. - He comments, pointing at your clothes. It was an affectionate comment, since he was also the one who had given you the jacket you were wearing several years ago.

He smiled at you one last time before leaving. And you went back inside the tent only to leave the jacket on your bed, not wanting to get it dirty during the hunt, and intending to wear it later.

Pietro was waiting for you at Knight's side, but you reminded him that you were only allowed to hunt on the outskirts of the camp. He rolled his eyes, but agreed, and you walked together toward the hunting area.

It didn't take long for each of you to hunt two rabbits, the animals were plentiful in the area, and even though Pietro was not as good a hunter as he was a thief, he still knew how to shoot.

You knocked his hat playfully, and he laughed at you. You walked back to camp amid giggles and playful shoving, while you bet on who could get there first.

You left the carcasses in the wagon destined for the skinning, and you let out a surprised exclamation when you saw Thor behind the counter.

- Why are you already up? - you asked in a worried tone. The man just smiled at you.

- I wasn't going to miss your birthday, kid. - He replies, and then gives a small pat against his own chest, where you watched him get shot a week ago - Besides, I'm healing quickly. I should be back in action soon.

- I'm glad to see you feeling better, Thor. - You told him and he just nodded, picking up one of the carcasses you and Pietro had left and beginning to skin it.

You and Peter were walking back to the kitchen when Potts just pointed to the creek, signaling for you both to clean yourselves up. You both exchanged an amused look, and giggling, walked towards the water to wipe the rabbit's blood off your hands.

- Do you know when Wanda will be back from Limpany? - You let the question slip and Pietro gave you an insinuating "you can't even hide it" look, and you felt your cheeks heat up a little. He shrugged.

- Actually, she was supposed to come back last night. - He said, not looking worried. - Maybe she and Monica decided to wait a little longer to see if anyone who had seen us would show up.

You grumbled in agreement, without really thinking about it, and then, as you finished wiping away the blood that remained between your fingers, the possibility hit you.

- Pietro. - You called out to him, and he looked at you curiously as he noticed your frown. - Do two women alone in a city that makes money from brothels sound like a safe idea to you?

Pietro blinked in confusion.

- But Wanda and Monica are scary. - He retorted, and you almost agreed, until you remembered.

- Not when they're disguised as society ladies. - You spoke up, feeling a sense of panic settle in your stomach at the possibility that Wanda was in danger.

You stood up at the same moment as Pietro, and he nodded towards Potts, who seemed distracted by the inventory of the supply wagon.

Sneaking through the woods beside the camp, you grabbed the reins of Knight as quietly as you could while pulling him into the woods, with Pietro and his horse at your side. When you reached a more remote area, you quickly mounted your horses and headed toward Limpany.

- Damn it, Y/N, I hope you are wrong about this. - Pietro said with a worried look on his face. You swallowed dryly, wishing you were.

Limpany was noisy and busy. You let out a low groan as you noticed the several wagons parked at the entrance, a symbol of an oil company painted on each one.

- I think Stark's employees have just arrived at the Heartlands. - You said to Pietro as you tied your horses against a fallen log at the entrance to Limpany.

- Interesting choice for the first stop. - He mentioned it in an ironic tone. You smiled.

- Wanna bet that half of them are married? - You said in a tone of irony and irritation. Pietro nodded, accepting the bet.

You signaled for him to adjust his hat, to hide as much of his face as possible. But judging by the number of strangers in town at the moment, you would hardly be recognized. Even in daylight, there were a considerable number of prostitutes on the streets, snuggled up against various men. You looked around trying to spot Wanda or Monica, but were unable to find them. You noticed that there were several horses tied up in front of the Brothel, and the Saloon and nudged Pietro on the shoulder.

- I think we'll need to look inside the brothel and the saloon. - You warned him and he nodded his head in agreement as he noticed the horses. - If we split up, we can find them faster.

Pietro turned his head to you quickly with a frown.

- Not a chance. - He denied it, and seeing that you were going to try to argue, he added: - You have a bruised shoulder, I'm not leaving you alone.

You sighed in agreement, knowing that he was right. It wouldn't help if you ended up getting hurt more.

- Let's try the brothel first. - you said, walking toward the building. A sign on the door caught Pietro's attention, and he poked you on the arm to make you read the "No weapons" sign.

- That's a problem . - He said, and you pushed him aside, blocking the view of anyone leaving the brothel for him. You took off the belt with the holster and handed it to him.

- You keep it then. - You grumbled, and he looked at you with confusion.

- Why am I the one who has to wait?

- Because you're a pretty boy, honey. - You sneer, and he continues with the same confused expression. - You walk into this brothel with no one with you, and ten harlots will jump on you, very much in search of what's in your wallet.

He sighed and shrugged, knowing that you were right. That didn't stop him from retorting:

- It's not like the girls aren't going to jump on you too.

- The difference is that I have a few minutes head start before they realize that I don't work here.

- Next time, wear a dress and you'll get a free pass. - teased Pietro, and you just pushed him away with amusement.

- Well, wish me luck. - You said, flashing him a nervous smile.

You heard Pietro whisper a "good luck" to you when you were already on the stairs, and then you went in. There was a counter, but judging by the number of customers, there must have been a total rush in the place, and you took advantage of the lack of a receptionist to sneak up the wooden stairs to the second floor.

You saw a lot of things you didn't want to see, from the breasts of strangers, to men with their swinging cocks on display. Occasionally you bumped into half-naked people, and watched with some amusement as a man was kicked out of the room with his pants down. It was a chaotic environment to say the least, and you didn't worry about being recognized, as there didn't seem to be any harlots available to notice you.

The most embarrassing part was checking the rooms. After the fifth open door where you interrupted somebody's fucking, you let out an impatient grumble as you walked to the end of the hall. Then the coat hanging in the corner of the door caught your attention. The sheriff's badge glowing prominently against the cloth.

You opened the door next, surprised to find only the sheriff, naked and asleep. You went into the room and started to look around for some more interesting information. Then you heard footsteps against the wood, and as you turned around, the vision took your breath away.

Wanda was wearing a simple purple dress, the corset marking her silhouette. She pinned up her hair, and applied a little make-up, highlighting her lips and her emerald orbs. Suddenly you couldn't formulate a sentence.

She looked at you with a mixture of concern and seriousness, closing the bedroom door.

- What are you doing here? - She asked in a low tone, and it took you a considerable moment to be able to think of the answer. You worried that she might think you had hit your head.

- You were gone a long time. Pietro and I thought...

- Pietro is here? - she exclaimed and looked quickly at the sheriff who had moved slightly.

- Sorry, we thought you guys were in trouble.

Wanda looked quickly at you, and then shifted the weight of her feet, before walking towards the small dresser in the room.

- We were in trouble. - She confessed and you straightened your posture at the information, feeling your chest fill with concern. - That's why I brought him here.

You felt your cheeks heat up a little and swallowed the bad feeling in your stomach.

- I think you did what you had to do. - You grumbled, and Wanda frowned at you. When she understood what you were implying, she let out a nasal laugh.

- I didn't have sex with him, my God! - She clarifies and you blink in surprise, relief replacing the bad feeling from before. - I just lied and said I would. And then when he got here, I hit him over the head.

- Oh, right. Got it. - You nod, looking at the ground.

- We ended up in trouble, though. Those men from the factory, they've been surrounding us all night.

- Why didn't you go back to the camp?

- Because he said he would report you and Pietro. - Wanda explains, pointing at the fainted sheriff. You shake your head, confused. The redhead walks over to the bedside table and pulls out two wanted posters, each with a drawing very similar to your and Pietro's face.

- I don't understand, Wands. - You sigh. - Tell me everything from the beginning.

- Y/N, the one thing you need to understand is that this town is involved in a lot of shit that goes way beyond a local gang. - Wanda pushed you slightly to the right, bending down toward the sheriff. He didn't wake up when she cut a golden key from the necklace he was wearing. You looked at her curiously. - We're going to need this to free Monica.

- Monica's in jail? - You exclaimed, and Wanda gave you a wry smile.

- It was a temporary incident.

Wanda grumbled, but then you heard the door slowly open, and she assumed a serious expression. Before you could turn around, Wanda pulled you forward by the arm, and you felt your heart race as your bodies came closer together. And then you held your breath as you felt her slip both arms around your waist, wrapping her arms around you. Wanda wrapped her face around your neck, pressing your body against hers. You let out a deep groan, and barely registered the words coming from a voice in the doorway:

- Sweetie, are you using this room?

Wanda made sure to press against your body with her arms and keep her face against your neck as she answered.

- Clearly.

The other woman laughed despite Wanda's harsh reply, and you thought she whispered "enjoy it" before she left, but you weren't sure of anything anymore.

Wanda's body seemed to warm against yours when you were alone, and you decided to face the window at the far end of the room, to keep your body from not obeying your reason.

Wanda released you softly, and you felt her hands slide down your spine and then back to your front, until she released you completely. She took a step back, her cheeks flushed and her gaze on the floor.

- Sorry about that. - She whispered without looking up. You felt your face flush.

- I never imagined that our first time in a brothel would be like this. - The only stupid comment your brain could formulate came out of your mouth before you could control it. You wouldn't judge Wanda if she never spoke to you again after that ridiculous joke, but she didn't care. With a mischievous glint in her eye, she said:

- And how did you imagine it would be?

You almost said "less clothes", almost. In reality you just choked in surprise and felt your knees weaken at the intensity of her gaze. But then the moment was broken when you heard a banging sound on the windowpane. You frowned at Pietro, who was standing outside.

- Tell me you're not hanging over the edge. - You complain as you open the window.

- Of course not, I don't know how to climb buildings. - He replies with amusement. - I found a ladder.

Wanda slaps Pietro on the head, looking at him seriously.

- You two have completely lost your minds. - She says. - Great idea to go back to the same place where they tried to kill you.

- Look little sister, you are being very ungrateful. - he debated stubbornly. - And why am I the only one getting beaten? It was your girlfriend who came up with the idea.

You grumbled at the nickname, and closed the window in Pietro's face. You didn't look at Wanda as you picked up the wanted posters and the key to the jail from the floor, but when you noticed her confused expression, you grabbed her by the hand, pulling her out of the room and toward the exit of the brothel.

You went around the building, finding Pietro on the opposite side from where you had left him. In his presence, you remembered to let go of Wanda's hand, and didn't notice the almost disappointed look she got when you did.

- Monica is in jail. - You tell Pietro, who looks at you in surprise. You hand him the key. - I need a drink. - You announce as you leave for the saloon.

When you get to the bar, you notice that it is as crowded as the brothel, but the people here are more focused on who drinks more than who gets laid more. You stand in the far corner and wait for the bartender to serve you. You feel a slight burning sensation on your shoulder, and as you reach out to touch the bandage, you groan as you feel them wet with blood.

You buy a whiskey, and pour three shot glasses full into your mouth, feeling your throat burn. You can barely feel the bruise now.

Preparing a fourth glass, you let out a mixed exclamation of surprise and pain when someone pulls you by the shoulder, turning you around.

- I know you! - says the unknown man, clearly drunk. You try to argue, but he starts shouting. - Yes, yes! You shot those guys!

He is starting to draw unwanted attention, and you really hope that everyone is too drunk to notice anything. Before you can push him away, someone pulls him off you.

You watch in shock as Wanda lands a clean punch to the man's jaw, and he staggers for a few seconds before falling onto a table. As he falls, chaos ensues and suddenly people start fighting among themselves. You always hated bar fights. Wanda quickly pulls you out and you both duck and dodge a thrown chair just before you walk out the door.

- Thanks for that, I guess. - You tell her, letting yourself be pulled toward the horses by the hand.

Pietro and Monica are already there, waiting for you. You notice that Pietro seems almost shy around the other woman, and you make a mental note to tease him about this at another time.

- Let's go before you cause a second shooting in this place. - Wanda says, and she gives your hand a gentle squeeze before letting go, which leaves you with a tingling sensation.

- It's good to see you, by the way. - You say to Monica as soon as you mount the Knight's cell. Monica smiles at you, saying that it was very good to see you too.

- Race to camp? - suggests Pietro, and you all exchange mischievous glances before you speed up the gallop of your horses. Your laughter mingles with the wind as you ride at high speed.

Pietro won the race, typical you thought. Since he was a child, he was as fast on foot as he was on horseback. But even though you lost, you enjoyed the ride, laughing with your friends as you dismounted from your horses. Wanda and Monica entered the camp first, and you and Pietro snuck out the back, not wanting to be seen running away from punishment. You were very lucky that Potts believed you were just playing fight at the far end of the creek, as you and Pietro used to do when you were kids.

You walked around the camp, feeling extremely tired, and then you remembered that you hadn't really rested for a long time. Sighing, you found a space under a tree high enough to provide some shadow, and sat down. Putting your hat in front of your face, you thought about closing your eyes for a moment.

Feeling a gentle pressure on your feet, you were startled awake. Blinking in confusion at the dark, you realized that your hat was on your face. Removing it as you let out a yawn, you looked around in confusion as you realized that you had been asleep for a few hours, judging by the color of the sky, which already signaled sunset.

Nat smiled at you as she watched you adjust to your surroundings, and she offered her hand to help you stand up.

- You have a bed, you know. - She teased, and you just gave her a corner smile, wiping some of the grass off your pants.

- I was just going to take a nap. - You retorted as you walked towards your hut, Nat not following you, as you noticed the bucket full of fish she was carrying.

- A six-hour nap. - She teases, drawing a quick laugh from you. She turns in the opposite direction, dumping the bucket on Thor's cart, who is the one who usually skins the animals that arrive at the camp. You go into your tent, looking for some clean clothes.

You don't smell so bad, but you decide to take a bath anyway, after all you have been in a fight today. You remember to grab your new jacket before you leave for the deeper part of the stream, where everyone usually bathes.

Arriving at the edge of the creek, you leave your clothes on the high part of the grass, so they don't get wet, and begin to undress. You are already without your boots and blouse, ready to unbutton your pants when Pietro pushes you into the water.

- Really? - You exclaim in a mixture of irritation and humor, while he laughs. You think he is an idiot, but you laugh too.

Pietro pulls his own shirt over his head, and then quickly takes off his pants and shoes. He takes a few steps back and then runs, jumping into the creek, and splashing water everywhere on impact. You laugh as he pretends to drown.

- Since when do you shower often, now? - You tease him by getting out of the water to take off your wet pants. Pietro pretends to laugh.

- I'm a very clean boy, if you ask me. - He retorts, splashing water in his face.

You pretend to agree, grimacing. He rolls his eyes at you. You assume a suggestive expression, and nod for him to look away. He laughs, but turns away so that you can remove your underwear.

It was common for you to shower with other members of the team, especially with those who grew up with you: Wanda, Pietro, Monica and Nat. Much because you had been doing this since you were children. Besides that, living in an outlaw camp, it was all about sharing. It was funny to think that if you were not who you are, or if someone from the outside saw the life you were leading, you would probably be forced to marry Pietro now. It was nice to have that level of intimacy with someone, but you can't help but think that it wasn't the same showering with Pietro, as it was with Wanda. Everything was different with Wanda, but it was also the same. You couldn't explain it.

You become quiet as you get lost in your thoughts, and Pietro splashes some water on your face, causing you to let out an irritated exclamation.

- You were making that strange face again. - He jokes, while lowering himself into the water. You only realize that he is taking off his own underwear when he throws the recently removed, completely soaked item onto the grass.

- What face?

- your "I'm overthinking things" face. - He explains with an amused expression.

- I don't know what you're talking about. - You retort, looking away, he rolls his eyes, and you are silent again. You rub some of the soap you brought on your body before handing it to Pietro.

- I reckon you think too much. - He grumbles, and you let out a wry laugh.

- It's kind of the function of our heads, you know.

He laughs as he rinses his hair.

- I meant that you don't have to do this. - He says. - You can just act, you know.

- No, Pietro. I don't know. - You grumble, not really understanding what he was saying. He dips his head in the creek to clean the soap, and then walks away from you, leaving the soap on top of the little wooden box where it is usually kept.

- I mean that if you keep thinking about what you have to do, you'll miss the chance to do something. - He says, coming back to you. - If there is something you really want to do, just do it. Don't think about it so much, because when you make that expression, I know you're finding a thousand reasons not to do what you want to do.

- What if I want to punch you in the face? - You tease him, feeling nervous about the direction of the conversation. Pietro laughs at your attempt to divert the subject.

- As if you needed to think about it. - He says, grumbling, and then he assumes that serious expression, but his eyes are tender. - I think you need to tell her how you feel. Wanda will be pleased to hear it.

You look away just as he says this, your cheeks flushing. And then you almost fall back when you hear Wanda's voice:

- I will be pleased to hear what?

The girl asks in a curious and suggestive tone of voice, Pietro looks at his sister with amusement. And you look away very quickly when you see her unbuckle her dress.

Nat is also with her, and helps her take off her corset, while you stand in the middle of the stream, too interested in the water.

- Now, little sister, you know it's very rude to meddle in other people's affairs, don't you? - Pietro joked, and Wanda laughed.

- It becomes my business when you speak on my behalf, doesn't it? - She retorted, as she turned to thank Nat for helping her out of her dress. - Besides, it's not as if we have secrets from each other.

- I was just telling Y/N that we should do something together. All of us, like when we were children. - You could never get tired of Pietro's innate ability to lie so blatantly. - She suggested we go to the theater, and I said that since you had never been, you would be pleased to know.

Wanda looked at Pietro with a slight suspicion, probably wondering if she actually believed his words. But then she smiled.

- Yeah, I'd be very pleased indeed. - She jokes, and looks at you. She frowns when she notices that you are staring down, playing with your fingers with a certain nervousness. She can't tell what's bothering you, and concentrates on taking off her own dress.

-Of course, little sister. - Pietro says in a suggestive tone, and walks over to you again, standing beside you and putting his arm around your shoulders. - We both know very well that you would love a date...

- Pietro, you're naked, get out of here. - You interrupt him, pushing him in the stomach. He laughs, stumbling to the side with your shove. Wanda and Nat laugh a little, you don't notice the redness in Wanda's face.

Nat and Wanda join you at the creek next. You can't help but feel hyperconscious in Wanda's presence, so you turn away, counteracting the energy that seems to pull you toward her.

- I think I saw Potts bake you a cake earlier. - Nat commented as she grabbed the soap left on the grass. She was very comfortable with her own body, and did not mind showing it to the rest of you. Not that any of you were going to look at her maliciously, but you had to admit that it was at least an image to get used to, breasts swaying in front of you. It was not something you saw often.

- I think I'll try to save some. - You say, and looking at the confused and curious expressions of your friends, you add, - For Bruce, and Carol.

Your friends look away quickly, all assuming an almost sad posture. But Wanda looks at you tenderly.

- They will get better, soon, you know. - She comments, and you look at her, trying to believe her words. - Potts says that Carol's fever has gone down since Maria and Monica returned.

- I think if that happened to me, I would want my wife by my side too. - Pietro commented and you nodded in agreement. And then he took on a mischievous look. - By the way, since Carol improved by seeing her family, maybe Nat should visit Bruce. That might cheer him up.

Nat blushed at the insinuation and jumped towards Pietro, who ran away from her attempts to hit him, while she laughed. You and Wanda laughed at the scene.

- You were trying to get beaten up that whole time, weren't you, boy? - Shouted Nat as she chased after him, Pietro was lucky that running had always been his greatest skill, you thought as you looked at Nat's angry expression. He was confident enough to dodge and still throw water at the girl, which seemed to irritate her even more. You laughed at the interaction, but suddenly realized that while they were playing, you were alone with Wanda. Without clothes.

You turned your face slowly to look at her, watching her loose red hair cascade against her neck. The sun was very low now, and the light made her even more beautiful. You swallowed hard as she turned her face to you, the ghost of her laughter still on her lips.

- One of these days Pietro is going to get a real beating. - Wanda jokes and you blink, trying to stop staring. It takes a moment, but you laugh at the joke.

- One of these days Pietro is gonna get real beaten up. - Wanda jokes and you blink, trying to stop staring. It takes a moment, but you laugh at the joke.

- If he's lucky, it won't be Nat. - You reply in the same tone, and Wanda nods in agreement. She starts rubbing soap on your arms, and you try not to stare.

- You look distracted, almost oblivious. - She says, and you look away, watching Nat finally catch up to Pietro, jumping on top of him and knocking him into the water. You hope they don't drown.

- Why is everyone telling me this? - you retort in an amused tone, Wanda smiles.

- Because it is the truth.

You look at her expecting her to say something else, but she just lathers her hair a little, pushing it to the side. Your gaze has moved down to the collarbone that was once covered by her hair, now exposed. Your brain seems to shut down and you can't look away even when she looks at you, a shy smile at the corner of her lips.

Pietro lets out a shout between laughs, and you are startled, turning your head to look. He had climbed up a high rock to get away from Nat, who was circling around to catch up with him. You looked away when you noticed his exposed intimacy in the air.

And then you almost choked when you looked forward again: Wanda, who before had been with her chest completely submerged in water, had stood up and her breasts were right in front of you. She was looking at Pietro, laughing, the movement made her chest jiggle a little and you felt your face get very warm.

You stumble backwards, feeling your heart racing. Determining that you had reached the limit of nudity for the day, you turned around, leaving the creek. As you moved, Wanda turned her head to you quickly, asking if you were all right. With the image of Wanda's abundant breasts in your mind, you just nodded your agreement without looking at her, hurrying to put on your clothes as quickly as possible. You didn't notice Wanda's flushed face as she watched your naked back.

Properly dressed, you grumbled that you were going to wait for them at the party, and left, finally breathing normally once you were in the area of the cabins. Steve frowned at your reddened face, but you hurried to the campfire area before he asked questions you didn't want to answer.

You only came out of your tent when your breathing and heartbeat were normal again. The images of Wanda's breasts were still in some corner of your mind, but you pushed them away and tried to smile when Steve approached you.

He began to tell stories of his army days, and you tried to pay attention. Peggy and Potts listened intently, and Peggy laughed as she remembered the shared memories, since she and Steve served in the same squadron.

Letting your gaze wander around the camp, you stared at Carol's tent for a second before deciding to go there. Your companions were too distracted by their own conversation to notice you leave.

You opened the tent carefully, and the interior was a little dark, so it took a few seconds for your eyes to get used to the surroundings. Carol was lying on a stretcher, and you were glad to find her awake while she listened to Maria read something attentively. The two women smiled at you when they saw you, and you almost apologized for interrupting the moment, but seeing the tenderness in their eyes, you preferred to believe that you were not disturbing them.

- Hi. - You greeted and stood in the doorway, awkwardly. Maria smiled and stood up, giving your arm a gentle squeeze before leaving, giving you and Carol a bit of privacy.

- Come give me a hug, birthday girl. - Carol asked in a playful tone. She looked better.

You rushed over, giving her a quick hug, not wanting to squeeze her too tightly, for fear of hurting her.

- I heard that you got better. - You commented, sitting on the edge of the bed. - I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, but Pepper didn't want anyone here.

Carol giggled weakly.

- Oh yes, she said I needed to rest.

- Maria was the only one who could come in. Even Pepper wouldn't deny her that after weeks of not seeing you.

The blonde nodded in agreement, a shy smile on her lips. You were quiet for a moment, and as you watched her like this, looking so weak and tired, you felt your stomach clench with guilt and anger.

- Sorry about that, Carol. - The words escaped your mouth quickly, and you looked at the floor, feeling a wave of shame in your chest. Carol frowned, and looked at you with confusion. - If I had been a little faster, you wouldn't be hurt, and you would be with Maria...

Carol held up her hands quickly, asking you to stop apologizing tenderly, and you felt your eyes water, but you obeyed her.

- I can't believe you've been thinking all this time that it was your fault. - She said, and lifted one of her hands to caress your face. - Sometimes services go wrong, child. In fact, it can happen quite often. - She tried to joke, but you didn't smile, and she turned back to a serious expression, trying to reassure you.

You blinked, looking at her expecting her to be angry, but found only tenderness in her eyes.

- We are your family, Y/N. When we are out there, we protect each other. And sometimes that will get us hurt, but we keep going anyway. - She speaks as she looks you in the eye, her fingers tucking some of your hair behind your ear. - You were so brave when we left Armadillo. Helping Bruce when Fury was shot. You could have gone along with the plan, but you knew something was wrong.

You closed your eyes quickly, the memories hitting you with intensity. Carol wiped the tears that streamed down your face. You tried to push the images of Fury being shot away, but they seemed to stick in your head. Taking a deep breath, you opened your eyes, meeting Carol's tender expression.

- I miss him, Carol. - You confess, and she nods.

- I miss him too, Y/N. - She says, and pulls you close, hugging you tight. - He would be proud of you.

You hug for a few moments before you let go, now sitting on the bed next to her. Carol plays with the fingers of your hand before speaking.

- You know, I think Fury's only regret is not going to be at your wedding. - She jokes, and you smile sadly, blushing a little.

- I think he would love to organize something like that. - You remark, and she smiles. You fall silent again, until she lets out an exclamation.

- I have something for you!

- What? - You ask in confusion, and then she moves on the bed and reaches for the bedside table. She pulls out a small package.

- I was happy to hear that Maria managed to retrieve this from my things before she left New Austin. - Carol said and then she held the package out to you. You gave her a grateful look before accepting it.

You carefully unpacked the box, and let out a sigh of contentment as you read the title of the book, "Otis Miller and the Lady with the Black Heart. You loved that collection of books, and after the Armadillo fire, you had lost every volume you had. You thanked Carol as you flipped through the pages quickly, she laughed at your expression completely focused on the present. She knew how much you loved adventure books.

Carol adjusted her own posture on the bed, sitting up completely, you frowned with concern, but she just smiled assuring you that everything is fine. The movement caused the blanket to lift off her body a little, and your eyes were quickly drawn down to the tip of the large bandage on her belly.

Noticing your gaze, Carol gave you a weak smile.

- Don't worry about this. - She spoke, and then lifted the edge of her blouse. She let you run your fingers over the bandage.

- Does it hurt too much? - You asked worriedly, but she nodded and added:

- Not anymore. I just feel a little itchy. - She admitted.

You remembered a few weeks ago, the image of Carol stumbling toward the wagon where you were standing, a huge bloodstain on her belly. Bucky caught her before she hit the ground. You couldn't sleep properly for days.

- If you can shoot, Steve will want you at the bank job. - You joked and Carol laughed.

- I think Maria is going to tie me to this bed for a while. - She comments and you raise your eyebrows.

- I didn't know you were into that sort of thing, Danvers. - You joke and she laughs, her cheeks flushing, pushing you lightly on the shoulder.

- You're hanging out too much with Pietro. - She grumbles and you shrug your shoulders. - Speaking of him, or more precisely, his sister. - She starts and you look away, letting out a sigh and dreading the direction of this conversation. - Last time I asked you, you said that, what were the exact words, "you had great appreciation for her friendship and her company."

Carol teased you about your shameful confession last year, after you had had too many beers and she asked you why you didn't ask Wanda out on a date. She laughed at your sulky face when she debauched your choice of words.

- Suddenly everyone is comfortable nagging me about this. - You murmured, and Carol wiped away tears of laughter before turning to you, an expression suggesting that it was obvious the reason why, but noticing your confused face, she added:

- Are you really oblivious to your displays of affection, or are you pretending to be so that you don't have to deal with the commitment? - Carol asks with an expression that plays with seriousness and teasing. You look away quickly, feeling your face heat up. The question was a very good one actually, but before you could sink into your own thoughts, the blonde next to you nudged you, looking at you with amusement. - You don't have to overthink this. I'm not repressing you, you know. I don't think you mean any harm.

- What if you are right? - You let it slide, without really thinking about it. - What if I'm afraid to deal with my feelings? - Carol frowned at you and you bowed your head. - I just... I don't know what I would do if she rejected me. I would have made things awkward between us, and then I would have lost her friendship. And then things got weird with Pietro too, and...

- My God, girl, breathe. - Interrupted Carol, holding you by the shoulders. She had a curious expression. - Even if Wanda rejects you, which in my opinion seems ridiculous and unlikely, you would still be friends. You've known each other for a long time, Y/N. It's not like she's going to leave the gang because of this.

Carol jokes last, but you are startled by the possibility. She rolls her eyes at your panicked face, and lets out a giggle.

- That would never happen. - She assures. - And you don't have to confess anything you're not ready to say. You can wait until things are normal again.

- It's not as if I haven't waited until now. - You mumble, but it's low enough that Carol doesn't understand. You just shake your head to signal that it's not important.

- I've kept you here long enough. - She says after a moment. - Go enjoy your party a little.

You smile at her, and thank her for the gift again before getting up to leave.

#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you #marvel imagines #Land of Thieves #wanda maximoff imagines #red dead redemption au #wanda x reader #wandaxreader

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punkpresentmic · 3 years ago

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Traitor Aizawa AU Pt. 5 — 1, 2, 3, 4

Hizashi goes into school the next day, starting his morning as usual by grabbing a cup of coffee. Nezu meets his eyes there in the teacher’s lounge, holding his gaze, nose twitching. Hizashi smiles, wishes him good morning. Nezu does the same. They go about their days.

After school, Hizashi sets out to pick up Eri as scheduled, but she’s not in her room. A quick call to Nemuri reassures him that Eri is with Nezu; they’re having a tea party.

Nemuri was also under the impression that she was supposed to watch Eri this afternoon, which is odd because Hizashi knows it’s the opposite—it’s his day.

They go together. They’re greeted warmly. Nezu mentions that he wants to talk to him, so Nemuri takes Eri with a small joke about how ooh someone’s in troublleee!

Eri doesn’t like this joke.

The two gone, Nezu offers Hizashi a cup of tea, has him sit. Nezu asks the same question as before: “What do you know about Eraserhead’s motivations, Yamada?”

It’s the same answer as before: honestly, nothing.

Nezu hums, interested. “I was reading back through Eraserhead’s resignation letter:” Hizashi’s skin prickles as he places the creased letter on the table between them. Nezu’s up to something here & he doesn’t know what. Nevertheless, Nezu continues,

“I must resign my position at UA on the grounds that I am the UA traitor. I willingly supplied the time and location of the USJ incident. Though I was not at the time aware of the connection to the League of Villains, I am guilty of continuing my arrangement after it became clear. It was my ongoing secret communication with my contact that was responsible for the Vanguard Action Squad receiving the location of the training camp, leading to the injury of several students and the kidnapping of Bakugou Katsuki. There was a failed attempt at a subsequent deal prior to the events at Kamino Ward. I maintain my arrangement with my contact and the League of Villains. I have provided evidence of my communications to remove suspicion that I am writing this against my will.”

It hurts to read, it hurts to hear, but Nezu reads through it all again anyway before tucking it away. He already knows Hizashi practically has the thing memorized, that Hizashi tore through it & the evidence over & over, his denial strong despite it, imploring that the investigators consider that Shouta wasn’t a criminal, that he must be held under some kind of duress, that he wouldn’t just do this... “His letter to you is of course more regretful, as you’ve seen.”

There’s a standoff of sorts as they look at each other. Nezu sighs. “I’ve already expressed my concern about Eraserhead taking advantage of the connections he’s built here. Yamada, it’s clear to me you still have a… significant amount of trust remaining in our Eraserhead. I want to discuss—”

“ —That’s not fair,” Hizashi cuts in. “Nezu, that’s not fair. He’s my husband. Yes, we know what he did. & we don’t know why. Asking me not to trust that he has good reasons for—”

“—Yamada. He is the legal definition of a villain. I am not asking that you refuse to forgive him for what he’s done. I am asking that you think very… carefully about how you proceed with your own actions involving the ex-hero Eraserhead, especially when we are as of yet in the dark about his reasons.”

A spike of adrenaline shoots through his blood. He feels caught. Is he caught? In an instant of panic he realizes he can’t lie to Nezu. But he gets a hold of himself, pushes his glasses up with a showman’s laugh. “I’m not sure what you mean, principal—do you have something else you’re not telling me?”

Nezu’s eyes sparkle. “Do you?”

His mouth is dry. “Are you insinuating something, Principal Nezu?”

Nezu clasps his paws on the table. “Yamada, we don’t have to do this. I can quite literally smell him on you.”

It’s like a punch to a gut. He sucks in a breath. He’s quiet for a long, long time. Finally, he takes a long drink of tea. “So you definitely knew about us way before we started telling people we were together, huh?”

“You were never particularly subtle.”

Hizashi gestures with his tea cup, sits back with his legs out in front of him. “So what now, Nezu?”

“What indeed,” Nezu sighs, taking a sip of his own tea. They sit for a long moment. “For me, this confirms Eri’s story. He wanted to take her with him?”

“He did. He said he wanted to help with her Quirk. I told him no.”

“& Eri has not reported a visit since.”

“She hasn’t been having issues since,” Hizashi points out, despite himself. “But I think he… saw reason.”

“So you are likewise confirming multiple unreported visits with Eraserhead,” Nezu notes. Hizashi winces, doesn’t deny it. “This is a major security breach, as we are being visited repeatedly by an undetected villain—whether or not this is one we trust is not the issue at hand.”

There’s a pause. Nezu meets his eyes. “Are you willing to assist with bringing him in?”

Hizashi saw it coming. “I don’t know,” he answers honestly. “He’s after something, Nezu. I don’t know what it is. He wouldn’t tell me.”

“But you trust his judgment,” Nezu finishes for him. ‘Despite everything,’ goes unsaid.

Hizashi taps the side of the teacup w his wedding ring. “Through the good, the bad, & the ugly hair days, principal.”

“Even recognizing that this is a reasonable plan to bring him back, to bring justice to the situation, to return safety to UA, & potentially find out once & for all the reasoning behind Eraserhead’s actions?”

“You know I want him home. You know I want answers. You know I want these kids to be safe.” Hizashi leans forward. “But I love him. & your way won’t bring him home. It could land him in Tartarus. That’s not justice. & that doesn’t feel like assuring any safety for my students. & it can’t ensure those answers. We don’t know what he’s dealing with.” He shakes his head. “I can’t do that to him.”

“I figured as much.”

Hizashi stands, legs shaky. “Now if you don’t mind, principal; it’s my day with Eri.”

“I do not think,” Nezu stops him without looking away from his tea, “that you have fully thought through the consequences of siding with a villain, Yamada. That’s not how this works.” Nezu stands too. “I called Kayama here for a reason.”

Hizashi’s heart is in his throat, pulse rising like a scream. “Don’t do this. The kid’s already lost so much.”

“I don’t disagree.” Nezu’s tone is exhausted. “I have a duty to those at UA: to keep this school safe from villains. That is the first and foremost thought around which I must make my decisions.”

Eri. Hizashi could throw himself under the bus here. Easily. His conduct hasn’t exactly been the shining picture of heroism lately. But he can’t do that when Eri is in the mix. Shouta’s leaving hit her so hard. He can’t let her lose anyone else. She can’t go through that again.

& Shouta... Shouta trusted him to look after her, not to stick up for him when he made his own choices.

Nezu sees his indecision. “Will you accept the conditions to help us if Eraserhead is given a chance?” Nezu asks. “I am not able to grant him full legal immunity, but I do have significant say about what happens at our fine school. My input on the investigation holds considerable weight. If you agree to assist us, this exchange stays between us, business can continue as normal until Eraserhead is located, & when that happens… We will do what is in our power not to treat Aizawa Shouta as a villain. We will hear his side of the story.”

Hizashi looks away. Bait. They want to use him as bait to capture his husband.

Nezu steps forward, unafraid. He sets a paw on Hizashi’s arm. “Yamada,” he says, “Let’s bring him home.”

Hizashi is just in time for the tea party with Eri & Nem.

(pt. 6)

#isaythings #traitor aizawa au #fic #traitor!aizawa #angst #don’t worry you’re not seeing the last of this au for a few more parts yet

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brattybookclub · 4 years ago

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A BDSMer’s Perspective on THAT Open Heart Diamond Scene

*WARNING: Discussions of NSFW content and BDSM done properly and poorly*

Hi, this is Cath! A major area of interest to me is BDSM, and while I am still a newbie (sadly my journey into the BDSM community was halted due to the pandemic, but that aside, I’ve been doing research since I was a teenager), I was able to identify several problems with the Ethan scene, from a BDSM perspective. This is meant to criticize PB, as I feel that this shows arrogance on their part, and that they just saw the Chapters ad for “Hard To Master” and decided “Hey, we should do that too!” (This will be kind of long.)

Something I didn’t see much discussion on was the fact that towards the end of the scene, Ethan says, “I’ve just never met someone whose appetites could match my own.” Meaning, Ethan has ZERO hands on BDSM experience. And neither does MC. Most of my criticism comes from the fact that neither of them is actually experienced. Hell, I have more experience than they do, and I’m a college student who has to save up for my kink gear, including collars. Yes, a top can practice alone on themselves, but Ethan and MC do very little negotiation. Most of the communication is taking place during the kinky activities, which there’s nothing wrong with, that works for some people, but it seems like the safeword was just there for decoration, and the diamond scene doesn’t really live up to “dark passion”.

When I saw that the scene was in the chapter, obviously I did not buy it, but I was shocked and kind of upset because the way PB marketed the scene was that it was some dark taboo activity where Ethan lets out his inner beast. This isn’t the case. I’m going to start from the beginning here. The context is that Ethan has just demonstrated that he cannot be trusted to maintain the integrity of an important medical study that could lead to breakthroughs in the industry. He showed arrogance and disregard for ethics. This is the backdrop for him asking to dominate MC. Just based on that, MC should say no. BDSM can be an escape from a frustrating day, to regain or give up control, but if one of my partners was going to lose their job, I would not trust them to dominate me that day. If Ethan is in this bad of a headspace, he could hurt MC during their activities (and not in the fun way) and make it worse. Second, HE ASKS AT THEIR JOB, WHERE HE IS MC’S SUPERIOR. The ethics of boss/employee relationship aside, that is blind to the power dynamic built into their workplace. This is the only point PB gives you the choice to consent until later, during the activities. In my opinion, this fucks up the Consent aspect of Safe, Sane, and Consensual, while Ethan’s current headspace and his actions prevent it from being Sane.

I know so many people have said this before me, but the way Ethan says what he wants is probably the grossest way of saying that. “… I need to feel in control of myself… and of you.” Ethan, you are in control of yourself. And saying that he “needs” to feel in control of MC… No. No, no, no. Submission is a gift that you do not take lightly, and must be given voluntarily. You do not ask someone for it without discussion first. And there is no discussion of what MC’s submission style is? Is MC a service submissive, are they a brat, are they a little? What if MC is a top or likes to be dominant? Nor does Ethan discuss what style of dominance he is into. Now that I think about it, there’s not a lot of power exchange. But it’s not just a top/bottom style activity either… Does PB know that you can participate in kinky activities with no power exchange, and that you can do power exchange without pain? It feels like they’ve just lumped all of it together. This scene fails to have any sort of distinct identity. It smells of a couple trying to spice it up in the bedroom and only reading about BDSM off of Cosmopolitan and Buzzfeed, and not really knowing what they’re doing.

As soon as MC and Ethan get to his place, he decides to pour you both some scotch. NO. NO, NO, NO NO. I have been to a discussion amongst EXPERIENCED kinksters about whether dungeons or events should offer alcohol, and it’s controversial because things can go wrong in a PUBLIC kink setting. For inexperienced people, especially with how bad Ethan’s headspace is at this time, and the fact that he claimed he wanted to “feel in control” of MC and himself, he should NOT be touching any alcohol. And over the drinks, Ethan and MC can discuss the events of the day when they could be, I don’t know, talking about what they are about to do??? Because MC has no idea what Ethan’s intentions are, exactly. Later, Ethan gives MC choices for what they can do; either he ties them to the bed, spanks them, or he decides (on all the playthroughs I have seen, Ethan deciding leads to him spanking MC). But they are already in the kink scene. You know how you should never go grocery shopping hungry? Well, you shouldn’t make kinky decisions, especially as a newbie, when you’re horny. They could have used this time to discuss if either of them has experience, and I must repeat, you don’t find out that Ethan has none till after you two finish. Ethan doesn’t tell MC any risks of what they do; if they might be bruised by anything he does, or if something will hurt after they finish. This is not following RACK; Risk Aware Consensual Kink. MC is not able to give informed consent. There’s also no discussion of limits or pain tolerance and… good fucking lord, this is a setup for shit going wrong.

So anyway, after their discussion of the day’s events, and Ethan’s feelings, MC assures him that they don’t want tender (hey, PB… BDSM can be tender!!! Also affectionate, loving, and sweet!!!!) so Ethan gives them a leather body harness and tells them to meet him in the bedroom. My initial reaction was, “How did he have their size, and how did he have that on hand?” I did some research, a lot of body harnesses are adjustable. Still pretty weird that he just had a women’s body harness on hand with no experience. I mean the men’s kind of makes sense because maybe he’s a switch, and as far as the handcuffs and riding crop despite no experience go… a lot of people hoard adult toys without using them much in case they do get the chance.

After MC puts on the harness, they meet Ethan in the bedroom and he asks them to pick a safeword. The default is “Free Healthcare” which fucking sucks as a safeword. The universal safeword is usually “Red” because of the traffic light system. When telling MC not to shy away from using it, he says, “You’re in control just as much as I am.” Uhhh… Who’s gonna tell him that the submissive has all the control? They decide what they consent to. The dominant operates within that. Also the part about, “This isn’t just about giving me what I need… It’s also about giving you what you want.” Yes… but also no. The dominant does not “need” their partner’s submission. It’s them mutually wanting what the other is willing to give. Also the “need” vs “want” feels… icky. So, so, icky.

From there to the options Ethan gives MC isn’t bad. I’ve had at least one of those exchanges in real life because it doesn’t feel cringe in the moment. Since MC and Ethan didn’t negotiate before the scene, I guess Ethan giving MC two options of what he can do to them, or he will decide between the two options if they want him to, isn’t that bad. I just think it would have been much better had there been communication beforehand since MC hasn’t done anything like that before. Thankfully it’s opt-in as opposed to opt-out, because opt-in is recommended for partners who are new to each other.

“Tie me to the bed.” Option: Ethan will muse about whether he should do rope or handcuffs. Maybe he has practiced with rope alone in the past and knows what he’s doing… But MC does not know this!! Mercifully, he picks handcuffs. Thank god he uses leather cuffs. PB has used metal ones in the past and those have all sorts of safety issues if they are not double-locking. PB is super vague about the setup so I’m a little confused about how he can be going down on MC then pull the chains of the cuffs so their back is against the headboard?

“Spank me.”/ “Choose.” Options: Ethan will get a riding crop, which is not at ALL recommended for newbies. I’ve actually had a friend demo a riding crop on my back, when I was fully clothed, but newbies are usually advised to either a) start off with a plain open hand spanking or b) test out how the implement feels by having the receiving partner rate the pain from a scale of 1 to 10 so one can get a feel for their pain tolerance, and how it changes as they are spanked longer. In my experience, it’s important to start out lighter especially with newbies. AND YET. “The first smack of the crop against your bare skin almost ends the game before it’s started.” NO NO NO. STOP STOP STOP. MC can barely take the first hit??? The first one should not push you to your limit, especially when it’s your first time. You may be wondering if riding crops actually sting that much. They don’t have to. It depends how much force you use. Side note, it is important for the top to know what each toy they are using feels like. Whether that means bottoming or testing the toy out on themselves, this makes sure they maintain empathy for their bottom. Anyway, MC gets hit by the riding crop like twice before this option converges with the sex part of the diamond scene. Really PB? You couldn’t at least say that the swats “rained down” or something? Two super intense hits is no fun compared to less intense spankings that last longer. In fact, if you change toys for different sensations, you can usually last longer, since the area gets more sensitive as you go along.

Anyway the sex happens. Ethan says, “Tell me what you want.” Which creates the options:

“Safeword/Free Healthcare” (God PB that’s so cringey, I get it’s a medical drama but just use Red!!!) Option: It instantly stops, Ethan is concerned, MC assures him that they just know their limits, which, good for you MC!! It’s not easy to safeword even when you want/need to. Though, I raise an eyebrow at the fact that you can safeword during the actual sex, as opposed to being tied up or spanked. I would think those would be where a person would be more likely to need to use their safeword especially if they are new to these activities.

“Harder.” Option: Gets more intense after Ethan asks if MC is sure. Goes into Ethan trying some orgasm control. Yay. Don’t see why this whole scene couldn’t have just been rough/wild sex since I’m pretty sure PB has done that before.

“Just like that…” Option: I think we can all guess what happens here.

I’m gonna fast forward through the rest of the sexcapades because there’s nothing interesting or worth critiquing. Safewording makes sure you skip all the rest of the scene and then it’s MC and Ethan in bed, him holding MC. I don’t want to say, “PB didn’t include aftercare!!” because cuddling is a lot of people’s aftercare, but I wish they’d talked about it more. Like Ethan asking if MC needed water or get out of the body harness, or some lotion or aloe vera for their butt if they got spanked. Or him checking their wrists if they got tied up. These are important things for aftercare, and while not everyone needs aftercare for every kind of activity, it’s important to talk about ahead of time, or communicate after the activity. Aftercare helps both parties come down gently from a high that you can easily just have an unpleasant drop from. I’ve gotten emotional after impact play. Some people feel guilt for inflicting pain on someone. Aftercare is necessary for the dominant or top as much as it is for the bottom or submissive, and I wish PB was as good about including that concept as they were about the safeword.

Anyway while they’re cuddling, MC and Ethan have the conversation where it leads to Ethan saying he’s never met anyone whose appetites match his own. While this might be acceptable for someone who lives in a small town… Ethan lives in Boston, Massachusetts. When looking up BDSM dungeons in Boston, I found two dominatrixes, and like three pages that talk about possible BDSM groups. And that’s not even checking on fetlife. Ethan simply didn’t want to look for like-minded people, and that’s on him. He could have found classes to help him learn how to do everything properly and safely, and maybe some friends. More people are kinky than you think!!! People in the community love it when new people join the community and express a desire to learn.

MC spends the night, and in the morning their sprite is STILL wearing the body harness. PB THOSE CANNOT BE COMFORTABLE. Like especially if it’s as fitted as they describe, how can MC still be wearing it?? Especially with them sweating on the leather??? Not going to lie, I laughed when I saw that oversight.

And that’s the end of the scene. Alright. The scene is not good. But it’s not Fifty Shades of Grey bad. I get the jokes and the comparisons, and while PB is arrogant, much like EL James, PB isn’t THAT bad. MC is clearly into the BDSM, which Anna clearly was not in 50 Shades. PB did a little bit of research, but I find it pretty obvious that aside from dirty talk, they have almost no experience actually getting into kinky activities, nor do they participate in the community.

I really hate how they acted like, “Ethan’s in dark mood…” but didn’t commit to that. Also how they didn’t really commit to portraying BDSM accurately. It’s kinky looking if you aren’t in the kink community, but to me, it’s vanilla pretending to be edgy and kinky. PB didn’t really commit one way or the other. They seemed to just use some iconography (excluding collars, surprisingly… that’s really easy to add??) and a little bit of kink, then set it aside and called it a day. This seemed to be there for the shock value. Going into the scene, I felt like SCC was being broken, but in the midst of the scene was a very different tone from what PB was acting like was going to happen. Ethan felt very different going into the scene as opposed to during it. I feel like this is what happens when you have to market kink to a mostly vanilla audience. Anyway, if you want a really great educational youtube channel, Evie Lupine is doing the lord’s work as a BDSM educator. Thank you for reading this 2500+ word rant from a kinky nerd.

#playchoices #open heart #choices oh #choices open heart #choices ethan #choices ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #choices ethan x mc #ethan choices #play choices #submission

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c-is-for-circinate · 4 years ago

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Okay, I’m gonna talk about my Jester Theory and every shipper in the fandom on every side is gonna hate it but whatever, I think it holds up and I find it both in-character and very intriguing.

Theory: Jester is on some level aware of the fact that half her party is or has been seriously crushing on her, whether or not she’s choosing to admit it to herself. Jester has been actively throwing up road blocks to all possible suitors, again, whether or not she’s choosing to admit it to herself. She has absolutely not said any of this out loud, because those would be hard conversations that would hurt her friends and she loves her friends and oh god she could never, and maybe if they just get over their crushes on their own she won’t ever have to!

Jester has a passive wisdom of 15. This may not be enough to 100% discern crushes directly towards her specifically, but it absolutely is enough to notice when people she knows are feeling conflicted or awkward in response to certain things. Jester also hates confrontation with her friends or ever admitting to bad feelings of her own that might make them feel bad.

Jester has been president and head shipper of the Beau/Yasha shippers association since about the instant Yasha returned to their side from Obann. There’s absolutely an element of ‘I want my friends to be happy!’ in it, and ‘I love the magic of romance!’, but man she is intense about it. It makes an interesting contrast to the Jester who was so determined to keep being Beau’s roommate that they ended up sharing a bedroom even when the M9 found themselves in possession of an entire mansion, who ended up sad and worried about Beau being angry with her when Beau suggested separate rooms after the Obann fight to begin with.

We don’t even see the level of ‘my friends are getting together and not paying as much attention to me any more’ slight jealousy that I might expect from Jester. She’s just aggressively shipping it. And there could be many reasons for that, but it also fits very consistently with a Jester who’s delighted that her friends could be together and happy and not putting her in the awkward position of having to formulate a rejection ever again.

And then there’s Caleb. One thing I’ve noticed over several past episodes (though not last night) is a tendency for Jester to create really awkward situations for Caleb in light of his crush. I’m thinking about ‘here, come lay down on my bed right where I would’ve laid when I was a kid--so you can see the mural I painted, obviously, not for any other reason, why would you even think that?’ These are things that could be flirty, if Jester and Caleb were actively flirting, but definitely don’t feel flirty. They feel like Laura Bailey fucking with Liam O’Brien. Which means that, by extension, they feel a little like Jester fucking with Caleb in a very slightly passive-aggressive sort of way.

These little flirtations don’t make Caleb happy. Mostly they make him uncomfortable, and Jester has to have noticed that, because that’s the kind of thing Jester notices in other people and either deliberately avoids or deliberately leans into! So maybe Jester’s just poking Caleb’s buttons for fun, which is totally in-character for her, but even when she pokes at people’s buttons like that there’s usually a reason. It doesn’t feel like a ‘I want you to like me back enough to actually say it’, to me. It feels like, ‘I want you to stop being weird around me and I am going to keep poking at you until you get over whatever it is and stop.’

Jester may or may not realize that it’s Caleb’s crush feelings making him feel uncomfortable, but if she has, the whole thing feels to me a little like a deliberate friendzoning. If Caleb just stops being weird, then everything’s fine! They can be friends! Maybe he can date Astrid again and be happy and stop being weird to her!

Moving on to Fjord, we get kind of a contrast, because Fjord’s the one person Jester is maybe flirting back with a little. Fjord hasn’t actually admitted to anyone else that he does have feelings for Jester--in fact, there was a whole conversation with Beau on Rumblecusp about how honestly, he’s barely sure of who he even is, let alone how he’s going to feel next week or what he wants in the long term. He does, however, keep doing things that read as tremendously flirty. The whole thing with the unicorn screamed ‘Travis Willingham is deeply in love with his wife’.

They danced, and it was cute! She kissed him on the cheek! And also, when they first started dancing (deliberately shoved together and out onto the floor by Caleb), the first thing Jester did was drop a stinkbomb on the dance floor. And also, it is occurring to me right now, when Jester does things like kiss Fjord on the cheek, he doesn’t flinch. He smiles at her, and it’s okay, and he doesn’t make it weird, and he also doesn’t push.

On the other hand, in the past we’ve seen Fjord get weird and awkward in possibly-flirty situations with Jester, and she calls him on it right out loud. Jester’s original crush on Fjord is full canon, although it’s not entirely confirmed what it’s turned into since. She might be open to advances, but she’s going to ask for clarification and she’s going to make him say it out loud. If he actively flirts, she is going to kiss him on the cheek and make him deal with it rather than pretending it never happened and letting him off the hook.

And: she’s not initiating any more, not really. Not the way she used to during the first couple of arcs of the campaign. If he actually wants her he’s going to have to say it out loud.

All in all, it makes me think about Jester as, perhaps, someone who doesn’t want to rock the boat. She’d rather avoid any complicated situations of unrequited feelings with people who may or may not be willing to admit those feelings to anyone at all. It is to her benefit if Caleb and Beau get over their crushes because then she doesn’t have to deal with them wanting things.

And right, it’s not that they’re asking for things! It’s not that they’ve ever asked for things, and maybe not that they ever even would. But Jester has some feelings about people wanting things from her, because Jester wants everybody she loves to be happy, and she’ll put on a happy face and cry in private about it, and so this is a really awkward position for her. She’ll never force a conversation about it, but she can spread the awkward and uncomfortable around until maybe the wanting goes away too (Caleb), or she can leap at an opportunity to redirect the attention and then hey, look, everyone is happy problem solved.

I’m really curious to see how things proceed with Fjord, especially with Avantika suddenly showing up now to throw god knows what kind of wrench in the works. Is he going to keep flirting? Is he going to stop again? How is Jester going to respond if he does?

But I do think that it’s interesting to think about Jester and her choices in this situation, and also how much of this is an actual choice and how much is just instinctual avoidance. She has lots of reasons to push Beau and Yasha together, she doesn’t have to think about why she’s so happy to see them paying attention to each other or why she’s so very not jealous of that attention. She loves pushing peoples’ buttons, she doesn’t have to think about why Caleb has developed the particular buttons he has.

I don’t know what the answer is! I don’t know if Laura Bailey entirely knows what the answer is, or if I’m on the wrong track completely. I am sure various shippers will have a counter-argument to these thoughts!

But until further canon confirmation or dismissal, these are the theories I’m going with: Jester trying to steer Beau and Caleb away without ever, ever talking about it, and accepting the Fjord situation for now because he’s not being weird and awkward about it so at least that’s okay.

#cr spoilers #critical role #are you kidding no I'm not putting this in ship tags what do you take me for #is this entirely coherent?#eh probably not #but I haven't posted morning-after-ep character meta in MONTHS #so it's nice to get back to

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bloodstainsontengensfloor · 4 years ago

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... is this just one big appreciation post for the women of Jujutsu Kaisen? Yes. It is. I go looking for some JJK content and I need more love for my powerful ladies! ⚠️SPOILERS FOR VOLUME 0 AND FOR MANGA!!! ⚠️

Kugisaki Nobara:

The girl of steel.

Her most iconic moment is the “I AM NOBARA KUGISAKI!” She is someone who has a strong sense of self and I’m honestly jealous. She knows who she is, and she’s confident in that. Nobara is funny and full of life and character. She’s comedic and in her introduction, despite being unsure on what to do with the child hostage, handled the situation in a way I didn’t expect based on what was presented by her so far.

She was introduced as confident, blunt, judgemental, and conceited. When the child was taken hostage, she, unaware that Itadori would come in throwing punches, set her stuff down. She was the one who took down the curse, it was her test after all, and I honestly love the little head pat she gives the kid after. It’s such a small gesture but it’s so sweet.

No Character is a good one without flaws and Nobara has her fair share of them. Like stated before, she’s conceited and her bluntness is sometimes just rude. She saw herself as above most people in her old town because she couldn’t understand how they could be so small minded and live simple lives when she in fact is a little small minded and naive. The first curse she faced wasn’t one she was totally ready for, but in the end conquered. She views Maki and Mai as a bad twin/good twin situation. She never met Sukuna so can only judge Itadori based on who she knows, Itadori. She understands the gender norms of the Jujutsu world and believes that she can change them as long as she just is her. She knows she’s pretty and she knows she strong so what could go wrong? (Loosing an eye).

Something I do love about her though is that she had friends and people she cared for before she came to Tokoyo. Before she uhm... gets injured, she thinks about an old friend and how she doesn’t think she will get to met up with her like she promised. Nobara is a great friend with a lot of love to give. She’s truthful but not perfect.

Random fact I love: her hair is dyed.

Zenin Maki:

The woman who will prove everyone wrong. She’s ambitious, powerful, and hardworking. She began at the very bottom of the world she lived in, and is still restricted by these boundaries even after she proved herself over and over again. But never once did she let that bring her down.

She can’t see curses without her glasses, (as someone who wears glasses most of the time, it’s hard to always keep them on your face), and has very limited cursed energy that she must rely on cursed infused objects for battle. But that isn’t the bad kind of relying on because of the fact it makes her extremely skilled and resourceful. She uses a bunch of different weapons and is ‘incredibly strong’.

She is blunt and straightforward, but can also be someone who teaches others. Personally, I’d hate to have her as a teacher because she would push me to every limit I want to avoid but should reach. Maki is the leader of the Tokoyo kids, I can’t take no argument. She will put the protagonist in his place. You don’t get to come back from the dead and act like you are in charge smh.

She admires strength. Her ‘type’ is someone who is strong, but it can be debated what kind of ‘strength’ she means. The Jujutsu world’s restricted view on strength is something that limited her for years and was still limiting her up to the current manga arc. Does she admire someone who’s strength is in their physical, mental, or emotional manifestation? She’s a great character and it gets more expanded in Volume 0. I need to re read that, and omg Maki like lost a crap ton of limbs and now she is like... roasted??

Praying she lives and that her father dies so she can work on becoming the head of the clan, like she wants. Fushigiro has the power but he cut ties with the fam and Mai has no desire. So... Maki as head of the Zenin Clan 2021... well I guess 2018?

Random fact I love: maki’s name has the kanji for “genuine” and “hope”.

Zenin Mai:

I have exhausted this topic. But I’m in love. (I wrote this whole thing and my thing glitched and deleted all my work rip)

Mai is confident and crude. She’s introduced as rude, inconsiderate and just all around your basic mean girl. She’s pretty, she’s confident and she doesn’t care if what she says hurt you.

However, one thing that seperates her from every other character in the story, is that she has no desire nor ambition to be a Jujutsu Sorcerer. As a child, she was scared of curses and it’s implied that she may still be scared of them as a teen. She was content living as a servant in her home because at least she would have a normal life. But, had she stayed in that life she would be living in a toxic household where she got no love and was viewed as lesser than. Despite not wanting to be a jujutus sorcerer, her sister’s ambitions of being one forced her to do the same and try to stay on par with her. At Kyoto, Mai develops... great friendships. She’s given kindness and love. This much can be seen in the conversation with her and Nishimya and the softness in her face when she simply says “I know” over the phone.

Personally, I don’t believe the Kyoto students are aware of Mai’s desires, due to the fact that Nishimya talked about the barriers placed against Mai/Maki as something distasteful for Mai.

Mai is someoen who puts on an act. She plays the part of your basic mean girl because what else is she supposed to do? She’s unhappy, and the only thing she knows how to do is lash out. She only knows and maybe even wants people to feel as bad as she did and does. She’s dependent and has abandonment issues due to her sister’s act of letting go of her hand.

However, what Nobara says is right. Misfortune doesn’t allow one to do what they want or to justify when they do bad things. Mai, like a lot of the Kyoto students, don’t know how to cope and deal with the bundles of emotions and conflict within them. They only know to lash out. In the story, Mai is still a minor character, but she has potential for growth, and I really hope it’s given to her.

Fun fact I love: Her first name contains the Kanji for “Geunine” and “rely on”. I love this because Mai might not even know who her genuine self is and in the recent manga chapters she’s relied on as back up from a distance.

Kasumi Miwa:

She’s the anchor of the Kyoto gang. Unlike the others, she doesn’t have major emotional baggage. She led a simple life and has a simple goal. Miwa wants to be a Jujutus Sorcerer to get enough money to help provide for her poor family.

Her story has a rag-to-riches type beat. She met a Jujutsu mentor who she trained under and learned how to wield a Katana so she wouldn’t have to burden her mother. She’s selfless, kind, and down to earth. Miwa has a fangirl heart and admires big name people like Gojo. She had major self confidence issues, despite all this. She had to work for this and has a goal in mind, but that doesn’t mean she’ll always feel useful.

Her relationship with Mechamaru is bitter sweet. She wants to know him better. Despite it being a prank, she does try to give him little gifts and make him feel included in everything they do. He protects her when his actions as the mole potentially put her endanger. It hurt watching the part of Miwa talking to his empty robot self while he did what he needed to.

And his last messages to her through the little ear pieces 😭😭.Even after knowing what he does, she’s still there to listen and is still there for them to rely on.

Miwa is just a breathe of fresh air in this story, but that doesn’t exclude her from the angst and trauma that comes with a story as dark as this.

Fun fact I love: it’s not a fact, but she wears a full on suit. I love it. I love it so much.

Momo Nishimya:

She’s a little witch 🥺. Momo Nishimya is introduced as somewhat reserved. She expressed nervousness over the abilities of the Tokoyo kids. In her fight with Nobara, she acknowledges her as strong and severely underestimated her. However, like Nobara, she’s willing to defend her friends at any chance she has.

The minute Nobara expresses distaste toward Mai, Nishimya immediate begins to defend her and starts lecturing Nobara on how women are treated unfairly in the jujutsu world. She introduced this idea that a woman must be pretty and strong, and I really hope this idea comes into play more and more later (and I think it will). Despite having a female teacher who is strong yet scarred, she expresses the idea that a scar is setback for a woman.

Her and Mai get along very well. The two of them are somewhat the troublemakers that Miwa constantly has to wrangle in (The dynamic between those three I love). Her character is pretty minor but in the reccent chapters, I loved how she got her mini moment. Itadori and her were the only two who were able to avoid Uraume’s ice and talks to Itadori passively and tries to even work with him. It’s a big step from how she begins with telling Nobara that she is a fool for being unable to distinguish a curse from a friend.

Fun fact I love about her: she’s Japanese American with an American father. Same, but I wasn’t raised Japanese whatsoever 🥲.

I’m going to do a part two with our adult ladies but that’s all for now folks!

Fun facts from the JJK Wiki page!

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk spoilers #mai zenin #maki zenin #nobarakugisaki #jujutsu kaisen miwa #nishimiya momo #jjk anime #anime #jjk

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melanielocke · 3 years ago

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Lost in the Shadows - chapter 5

AO3

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

CW: mentions of PTSD, mentions of alcoholism and past abuse, mentions of past toxic relationship

Taglist @nott-the-best @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon

The thick fog that hovered above the ground made the forest seem like the scenery out of a gothic movie. Not that Alastair minded, he felt at home among the trees, in the darkness. He and Thomas had met after breakfast before Lucie or Cordelia had woken. Alastair had always been an early riser and he was glad to see Thomas was too. More than that, though, Alastair was a poor sleeper. He had frequent nightmares and so far he’d found nothing that helped. Not even his stuffed hedgehog, which he was ashamed to admit he still slept with.

‘Look. Over there,’ Thomas pointed, his finger aimed at the ground.

Alastair followed his gaze and saw a small hedgehog, walking along the shrubs. Hedgehogs were nocturnal creatures, he knew, it wasn’t common to see them during the day, even in early morning. It was adorable.

‘Aw. I love hedgehogs, they are my favorite animals,’ Alastair said with a small smile that was rare these days.

‘They suit you,’ Thomas agreed.

‘How exactly?’ Alastair asked.

‘Well, you’re prickly and need to be handled with care or you’ll sting, but when you can look past that you’re actually adorable.’

Thomas’ cheeks flushed a dark red. ‘What I mean is,’ he began, but Alastair interrupted him with a grin.

‘Adorable, huh?’ he said.

‘I guess so,’ Thomas said. ‘Cordelia told me you still sleep with your stuffed animals. She said your favorite is a hedgehog.’

‘Little traitor,’ Alastair said.

‘I sleep with mine too,’ Thomas admitted. ‘It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I have several owls. I just sleep more comfortable that way. I need something to hold on to.’

He was surprised Thomas didn’t judge him. He felt his father would have, had he known, but he’d been too drunk to notice.

Alastair’s smile returned. ‘Now that is adorable. To tell you the truth, I keep mine around to protect me from nightmares.’

Thomas frowned. ‘Does that work?’

‘Not really. But at least holding onto something helps me relax enough to fall asleep.’

He could lie awake at night sometimes. Lately, Alastair was always tired. He did what was expected of him during the day, but he never felt rested or energetic. Even after a long night sleep with minimal nightmares, he woke tired and staying in bed didn’t help.

They talked about all sorts of topics, history, books they read, what Alastair’s first year at university had been like. Thomas told him about previous summers, which they’d usually spent in Spain. He’d spent enough time there to be fluent in Spanish now, partially because his parents had studied there and his father liked to speak Spanish at home. Alastair was surprised how easy conversing with Thomas was. He’d always struggled with making small talk, with keeping the conversation going, but Thomas didn’t shy away from more serious topics and seemed genuinely interested in what Alastair had to say.

He and Thomas continued their walk, and Alastair could tell something was bothering Thomas. He was tense, his shoulders a bit hunched. Alastair had learnt to sense when people were anxious or tense and tended to get nervous himself whenever that happened. He wondered if he’d always been hypersensitive to other people’s moods, or if he’d learnt after having to anticipate his father’s moods and then Charles’ for such a long time. He narrated a description of his surroundings to himself in an attempt to ground him in reality, to calm down enough that he could help and support Thomas. He felt useless, what was the point in being able to read people if their anxiety bothered him so much?

‘Are you alright?’ Alastair asked after a silence.

‘Why do you ask?’ Thomas asked, his voice uneven.

‘Because you seem anxious about something. Is it about me? Are you still mad about what happened at school?’

Alastair had always been more tolerant around Thomas himself, but he’d treated Thomas’ friends awfully. All he felt right now was a horrible guilt and regret for what he’d done. For how he’d justified his actions, telling himself that it was better than being bullied, that what he did wasn’t as bad as what other students had done to him. All empty excuses, and it had never been alright.

‘It’s not about you,’ Thomas said. ‘And I’m not mad. I can’t say I understand why you did it, but I know you were going through some difficult times. Besides, it happened so long ago. James and Matthew are still upset, I think. But they’re not here. I don’t think Matthew would like it much here anyway. He prefers to spend his holidays shopping and drinking at bars until late night.’

Alastair tensed a bit when Thomas’ mentioned Matthew’s drinking the way he always did when alcohol was mentioned. Once he’d been able to take care of his drunk father with little emotion, pushing everything to the bottom until he was sure his father was alright and Cordelia wouldn’t discover he wasn’t ill. Nowadays even mentions of alcohol or drinking tended to make him feel sick, as if an invisible hand was clutching at his stomach, at his heart. Just breathe, he told himself.

‘Oh shit, I’m sorry,’ Thomas said. ‘I’m not supposed to mention alcohol around you, am I?’

Alastair sighed. ‘I take it everyone knows, then?’

Alastair still found it difficult when people knew about his disorder. It was difficult to ask for adjustments, to admit a weakness and ask people to not drink in his presence, to ask people to change their own behavior for his sake. He knew most people wouldn’t be willing to do that, and he’d much rather not ask and pretend everything was fine. But eventually he’d had to admit to himself he just couldn’t handle being around people drinking and alcohol was so normalized in Britain it was difficult to avoid sometimes.

‘Not the particulars,’ Thomas admitted. ‘But Mr. Herondale warned us that we shouldn’t drink, nor discuss alcohol when you’re there.’

‘It’s fine,’ Alastair said. ‘As long as I don’t see you drink, or smell it on you, it’s fine.’

People talking about alcohol could be difficult, but he could manage. He would. Matthew Fairchild was across the sea, and him drinking alcohol didn’t harm Alastair. It wasn’t his problem.

‘You don’t seem fine.’

‘It’s not easy, but it’s alright. I can handle mentions of drinking,’ Alastair said.

He hated how some people who knew about his diagnosis had started to walk on eggshells around him, like he was a bomb that would explode the moment someone said something wrong. It made him feel like he was fragile, broken, like there was something horribly wrong with him, when Alastair desperately tried to convince himself that wasn’t true. Deep down, he knew it was true though. He knew there was something wrong with him and that he wasn’t normal and would never be.

‘You don’t have to,’ Thomas said. ‘Look, I don’t think you want to talk about it and you don’t have to. But if you want to talk… I’m here for you, alright? I can promise I am a good listener.’

Alastair nodded. ‘You still haven’t told me what’s bothering you,’ he said in an attempt to deflect.

Alastair took a sip out of the flask of water he’d taken to carrying with him. Ever since starting paroxetine, he often had a dry mouth. He’d also gained some weight. Risa in particular was very happy with that development. Before starting his medication he’d been underweight, often unable to eat because of his nerves. Aunt Risa had worried about his weight loss, and had been very happy when he had started eating again and gotten back at a normal weight.

Apart from that no side effects, and Alastair was mostly glad his medication didn’t cause any sexual dysfunction because he’d heard that happened sometimes. Even if he didn’t have a boyfriend now, he guessed he wanted one someday. He tried to ignore the voice in his head, reminding him that no one would want to be his boyfriend, that he wasn’t worth the effort. Charles had often told him he was difficult to love, that other people wouldn’t bother, and Alastair had believed him. Part of him still did.

The effect taking antidepressants had was only partial, paroxetine on its own wasn’t enough to treat PTSD, but when it came to this specific disorder it was the most effective out of all antidepressants. Alastair had agreed to give it a try. Two months in, it was definitely better than nothing and he had more good days, but he hoped the EMDR treatment he would be starting after the summer was more effective.

‘It’s something that happened yesterday,’ Thomas admitted. ‘I’m not sure I should tell you.’

‘You can trust me to keep your secret,’ Alastair promised. ‘But you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.’

‘You know your cousin Jem used to fight the evil creatures of the supernatural, right?’ Thomas asked. ‘And your father too, before…’

Before he’d started drinking. People who knew about his father’s past as a hero sometimes said it was the price he’d had to pay, for seeing so many horrors and fighting for so long. Alastair hated it, it made him want to scream. What about the price I had to pay?

It was what had set him off when Jem had come over for dinner, not aware that anything was wrong with him. His cousin had talked about the struggles of life as a hero, the effects it could have on someone. Later, Alastair had learned his mother had become so desperate she’d confessed Elias’ addiction to Jem and had asked him if he could convince him to seek treatment.

Jem had agreed, and had used Elias’ past heroism as a gentle way to bring up the problem, but Alastair had felt as if Jem was trying to justify his father’s addiction and by extension what he’d put his family through. He’d screamed at Jem, at his father, at everyone present really. What about the people surrounding such a person? What about the people who were hurt when a hero’s burden became too much, did they not matter? Horrified at his own outburst, Alastair had ran to his room and attempted to calm himself by putting on Metallica and turning up the volume until he could block everything else out. When Jem had come upstairs, Alastair had expected him to be angry. Instead, Jem had been worried. It was the first time someone had realized his moodiness wasn’t just a “turbulent adolescence”, as his parents had long thought.

‘Yes,’ Alastair said. ‘When I was younger, my father would tell me stories about the creatures he’d fought and defeated.’

Once he’d loved listening to his father’s stories. Once he had sat down in his father’s lap and asked him to tell him about the incubus in Greece, or the kelpie in Scotland. Now he only wondered if his father had been drinking already back then. He wasn’t sure when it had gotten out of hand.

‘Well, I can see them. What I mean is, I have gift that makes it so I can see anything without having to learn at all. My mother and my oldest sister Barbara have the same gift.’

Alastair nodded. ‘So does my aunt Risa,’ he said. ‘She taught me and Cordelia how to see.’

There had been times in his life where he’d felt like Risa was the only person who cared about him. He hadn’t dared tell her about his father’s alcoholism, desperate to keep his family together and in one piece, but she’d been there when he needed her. No one else had done that for him. She used to take him to see the gnomes play in parks, since she didn’t have a garden of her own. She used to cook and bake in her kitchen with him. Risa was a cook in a local Iranian restaurant and had taught him everything she knew about making good food.

‘Yesterday, I walked into the woods and I encountered the washing woman. They say seeing her is an omen of death, although in my case it could just be that she didn’t intend for me to see her, but with my gift I see her anyway.’

‘I’ve heard of such creatures,’ Alastair said. ‘You must not approach or they might attack and paralyze your legs. But if you can sneak up on them, they are said to grant a wish.’

Alastair thought not so long ago he would have given it a try if he’d seen such a woman. He might have asked her to fix his family, or at least fix his father’s alcoholism. Nowadays, he wasn’t sure what he’d ask for. Fixing his father’s alcoholism wouldn’t cure his PTSD, it wouldn’t allow him to love or trust his father again, wouldn’t erase the past years. Perhaps he would ask for a cure for his PTSD, but he didn’t think such a thing existed, he wasn’t sure what exactly the result of such a wish would be. Nor did he know who his father would be without his addiction. He did not think his father would love him sober either. The best he could hope for was that EMDR treatment would help him.

‘Well, I ran,’ Thomas said. ‘But not before it called out to me. Warning me about some unpaid debt from my grandfather who made all sorts of deals with dangerous creatures.’

Alastair had heard plenty of stories like that from his father. There were all kinds of creatures that generally left humanity alone, but could trick people into making deals with them. It usually ended badly, and sometimes required intervention.

Alastair tried to think, was Thomas in danger? He’d always known about the supernatural, of course, but preferred to stay away from it. Cordelia was the one who had been given their father’s magical sword, and although Alastair hated the idea of her living the kind of life Father used to live, it suited her more than it suited Alastair.

‘From what I learnt, deals with supernatural entities often go wrong,’ Alastair said. ‘Is your grandfather still alive?’

Thomas shook his head. ‘I never knew him. Apparently he turned into a giant worm and uncle Will, uncle Jem and uncle Gabriel had to kill him. My parents are trying to look into it a bit more, but it’s difficult since my aunt has all his journals, his possessions, and isn’t willing to share. According to my father, his mother died as a result of his dealings, and my cousin Jesse might have too.’

Alastair wasn’t sure what to think. He had heard some vague stories of the Lightwoods and Herondales who used to fight dangerous creatures, but had no idea a relative had made such deals. Of course, he didn’t think his father had been involved in this. His cousin Jem had carried cortana for one of two years before retiring and giving it back to Elias.

‘I think something might be after me,’ Thomas added. ‘I was often sick as a child, and so was Jesse. No one could figure out what was wrong with me.’

Alastair frowned. ‘I don’t remember you being sick often when we went to the same school. You were always there, trailing behind me, I would have noticed if you were absent often.’

‘I grew over my sickness when I was almost fourteen, we met soon after that,’ Thomas said. ‘I always kind of took it for granted, since no one could tell me what was wrong with me I figured it was normal I’d grow over it eventually. But I got better around the same time Jesse died, and then my aunt Tatiana, Jesse’s mother, came by our house and yelled at my parents that it should have been me.’

Alastair frowned. ‘And you think that means that your cousin dying had to do with your grandfather’s debt?’

‘My aunt believed it, at least.’

‘But what does that have to do with you getting better?’ Alastair asked, not sure if he could make sense of that theory.

‘Well, both Jesse and I were sick. I didn’t know him well, Tatiana kept him away from us, but he did know Lucie and she told me his symptoms were almost exactly the same as mine.’

‘And it’s not a genetic disorder?’ Alastair asked.

‘No one else in the family was sick, just me and Jesse,’ Thomas continued. ‘I got tested for pretty much everything they could think of, all negative. They couldn’t find out what was wrong with Jesse either. My grandmother already died as payment for what my grandfather did. So it’s not that farfetched that Benedict owed them a grandchild or something and they had to choose between me and Jesse. Except Jesse’s death wasn’t enough, and now some creature came to warn me I’m next.’ Thomas looked resigned. ‘I think I’m going to die.’

Alastair took Thomas’ hand, hoping that would not be too forward. ‘You’re not going to die,’ he said. ‘I have never heard of debts being passed on to next generations, or going on for so long. From what I’ve been told, it usually ends when the person who made the deal dies.’

‘Not in this case,’ Thomas said. ‘Jesse got lost in the woods where he lived and died. People searched, but no one could find him until he was already dead.’

Alastair could tell Thomas was getting more and more anxious and Alastair wasn’t sure how to help him. He couldn’t say for sure that was Thomas was saying was wrong, even if he still tried to think of more mundane explanations for what was happening.

‘But getting lost in the woods is not supernatural, is it? If we strayed off the path here, it could be a while until we found our way out.’

‘Yes, but the woods where he got lost weren’t big like here. Realistically, they should have found him much sooner. That’s weird, unless there was magic involved. It wasn’t particularly cold either, it happened during spring.’

Alastair had to admit that was odd. Not all forests were big enough to get lost in and die. Even here, he suspected if they didn’t make it back, people would raise alarm soon enough and find them long before they could die of natural causes. Of course, their chances of surviving a couple of days might be better than those of a twelve year old boy.

‘Could the entity that claimed Jesse’s life have picked him over you because you have the sight?’ Alastair speculated. ‘That’s something you inherited from your mother, isn’t it? Jesse didn’t have that.’

‘It is,’ Thomas confirmed. ‘No one in my father’s family has it. It feels kind of awful, doesn’t it? That I lived and got better because Jesse died?’

‘That’s just speculation,’ Alastair said sharply. ‘Don’t beat yourself up over things we can’t prove. But there is something we could do to gather more information.’

‘Beyond convincing my aunt to give us those journals?’ Thomas asked.

‘So, I haven’t done this with someone else in a very long time. Perhaps it’s best I show you.’

Alastair chose a neutral memory. He had considered a happy one, but he didn’t think he’d be comfortable sharing any of that with Thomas, not yet. Besides, he didn’t have many happy memories. It had to be nice, with his ability, to have infinite happy memories he could revisit at any time. Instead, Alastair mainly got caught in the bad ones. He picked a memory from a lecture on the history of socialism. Alastair remembered being horrified at some of the comments other students had made, only later had he realized Charles probably agreed with them. But that wasn’t the point right now. Instead, he showed Thomas a bit of the start of the lecture. The professor was animated, talking about the subject like it was the most interesting thing ever.

‘Was this at university?’ Thomas asked when they were back in the woods. ‘What did you just do?’

‘I showed you a memory of mine. Not a particularly interesting one, but it gets the point across. I can revisit any of my memories.’

‘That must make it easy to study for exams,’ Thomas said, but it wasn’t accusatory. Alastair sometimes felt like using his ability was cheating, but what was the point of having a magic memory if you didn’t even use it?

‘I do need to remember where the information I need is. So if I don’t remember the answer to an exam question, but do remember which lecture it was discussed, or which book, I can go back there. Fortunately, I am also good at studying and usually know where to look.’

Alastair had a whole library inside his head. At home, he kept a list of every book he ever read to organize it.

‘But how will that help?’ Thomas asked. ‘Is there anything you remember?’

Alastair’s dark eyes gleamed. ‘No, not related to what’s happening to you. But you have your memories. Perhaps your parents remember things, details they didn’t think were important at the time. I can help you rewatch your own memories, help you recall things you might have forgotten. It is something that I do not usually do, as it feels rather invasive. But if it helps save your life, I’m willing to give it a try.’

Thomas nodded. ‘Yes, of course. You can look in my memories all you like if that’ll save me.’

#Alastair Carstairs #Thomas Lightwood #Cordelia Carstairs #Lucie Herondale #Thomastair #Lucelia #fanfiction #fic #the last hours #tlh #tsc

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