#GI Joe

[nadertigerkay]

Looks like first blood was spilled today in the new war between G.I. Joe vs Cobra

The state of the Energon Universe factions

[ratkid-kelp]

Crazy how they put me in Skybound??

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Errors, "Errors," and Sci Fi: The Nail Gun Gray Zone

I have more thoughts on errors in sci fi, specifically what does and does not count as an error. So I made a graph.

I'm a firm believer that at some point, your story will just be better if you bend certain rules of reality. A story with 100% realistic gun battles will be impossible for audiences to follow. One with ultra-realistic dialog will be boring and impossible to follow.

HOWEVER. Ice floats in water. Residents of now-Phoenix in the 1700s might've not known that, but it's hard to imagine anyone alive today who hasn't at minimum seen an image of a drink with ice in it. So GI Joe (2009) hinging a major plot point on a block of ice sinking in liquid water is widely regarded as silly and world-breaking. Same goes for The Strangers (2008) making a character unable to use her phone while it's plugged in and charging. Even in 2008, a solid majority of U.S. moviegoers owned cell phones and regularly used them as they were plugged in. Errors. Firmly.

But on the opposite end of the spectrum, you have "errors" that only bug a small subset of your audience with relevant expertise. You can always count on some of that subset to take to Reddit and whine pedantically about a 10-round gun firing 11 rounds, but I doubt those count as errors. My personal example is the lack of a character named Surprise in Inside Out — I've studied and taught Paul Ekman's theories, so to me the fact that they included only 5 of his 6 "universal" affects is always going to look weird. But I know that's less an error than a pet peeve, because there wouldn't be much for the character Surprise to do that isn't taken up by Fear or Joy. (The sequel also has a Surprise-ish and a Contempt-ish character, so there's that.) Same goes for the water main not being pressurized correctly in Batman Begins — I'll take city planners' word for it that Scarecrow's plan wouldn't work, but COME ON. It's a sci fi movie about a furry who makes a living punching aliens. If you want realism, watch a documentary.

That said. There's also that middle zone. What I call the Nail Gun Gray Zone, because it really is hard to tell how much some errors are obscure and piddly, how much they're mainstream and obvious. Because. Nail guns can't shoot nails. They're not projectile weapons. Not unless the story takes the time to show a character modifying the tool to override the fact that it has to be pressed flush against a board before it will fire. BUT. If you told me "99% of modern Americans know that!" I'd believe you. If you told me "only professional contractors know that!" I'd believe you. That poll clarified basically nothing — roughly 25% of respondents had used a nail gun, ~25% didn't know much about them, and ~50% had only seen one used. (I didn't ask "do you know that a nail gun can't be used as a projectile weapon" because then anyone who read the question should by definition answer "yes.")

Anyway, I think that a lot of online arguments about errors/"errors" in sci fi can be captured by the Nail Gun Gray Zone. Most of us can agree that only pedantic blowhards would say that the lack of Surprise ruins Inside Out, and most of us can agree that it'd be nice if The Strangers had simply broken Kristen's phone. Nail guns? One person's "oh come on, that looks ridiculous!" is another person's "it's called a nail gun, right? so why not use it like a gun?" and I don't think doing more polls will resolve it one way or another.

[transfrmrs]

Marissa: Care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our apartment? Thundercracker: They're golden retrievers, Marissa. They retrieve gold. I did this for us.

[krinsbez]

I always assume this episode was referencing the classic Carl Barks Donald Duck story "The Golden Helmet".

I've been watching random episodes of 80s cartoon G.I. Joe and somehow it is even more insane than G1 Transformers.

In the episode I just watched:

the Joes are transporting the original Declaration of Independence and Bill of Rights in an armored convoy. They are not part of the plot and never get mentioned again.

evil organization Cobra turns up in Alaska and claim it now belongs to them because they found an ancient cup?

the Joes are like "well there is nothing we can do, legally they own Alaska. Because of that cup."

but the cup Cobra has is a fake, and the Joes AND RUSSIA are now searching for the real cup.

Separate from the previous Russians, there is a secret ice village of Russians descended from 19th century corsairs living isolated in Alaska like they're Amish or something, except unlike the Amish they have modern guns. Also they have the cup.

Russian troops and the Joes team up to defeat Cobra (which is pretty interesting considering this show came out during the Cold War)

they accidentally play two of Duke's line reads in a row

"Alaska's back where she belongs . . . in the good old US of A"

this whole plot was kicked off by twin Cobra lawyers, who just fucking leave at the end

cue the group laugh from the Joes

[gameraboy2]

GI Joe #1 (2024) Cover by Ben Harvey

[1980sactionfigures]

Destro - G.I. Joe (Hasbro)

[shadefish]

"Destro, Baroness, I am leaving base tonight with someone I spoke to on the internet. I am going to be wined and dined and then coerced and manipulated into physical intimacy. Do not expect me back until morning."

"...Are you going on a date, commander?"

"NO!"

[nazrigar]

Transformers All-Sparks: The Main Humans of the AU.

The central humans of my AU. Though waaaay ahead in the future chronologically speaking from when the Autobot vs Decepticon civil war actually begins, I still feel appropriate to share... plus a hint of what also crossovers with this AU.

Much like how on Cybertron this AU is a family drama inolving the Paxes and Carcers, the human side is of two families connected by two lovers...

With the added bonus of two agents stuck with each other and keeping an eye on a certain former G.I. Joe.

Jack Darby is a typical high school boy who is unsure of his future and has his soul thoroughly sucked out by the horror of the almighty KO Burger. He loves his mom, and his girlfriend (who most people consider wayyyyy out of his league) Sierra brightens his day. Though he doesn't lookit at first, he's quick thinking and resourceful. A natural survivor.

Sierra O'Hara is the most popular girl in school, has good grades and the local cheer captain. Though at times she can be sean as a 'mean girl', it's a defense mechanism, as she's not the most trusting person. Those who DO earn her trust and friendship find a completely different person. Curious and excitable.

She has a deep interest in chemistry and engineering, and feels at home in a fast car or riding (and working on) motorbikes. For whatever reason, she feels a connection with anything equipped with an engine.

Agent Simmons and Agent Fowler are the local secret agents. One is a member of a mysterious org known as Sector 7, and the other a liason between several government agencies. It is their job to keep an eye on one Shana O'Hara, the local baseball coach. She IS after all, Scarlett, one of the best of the best among the now mostly retired Joes. Unfortunately for them, she prefers to live a peaceful life as a civvie, thank you very much.

June Darby is a close friend of Shana and helped the retired vet get the hang of life in Jasper, Nevada. She's just a concerned mom who's worried about her son's future. She's a nurse, and knows all about how life is a precious thing, and wants her son to have a long and fulfilling one.

[ungoliantschilde]

Snake Eyes, by Jerome Opena.

[blueikeproductions]

So an interesting detail was revealed about the TFONE Quintessons.

It would appear, according to staff on the movie, that the ships are actually living, organic creatures.

By extension, going by their design similarities, the TFONE Quintessons are likely fully organic themselves.

Prior to the Quintus Prime origin, it was never clear where the Quintessons came from but their designs are clearly mechanical.

Japanese media would offer an explanation of sorts, in the Controverse manga.

In this story Primacron, the ancient sea monkey alien that created Unicron and later Tornedron in the G1 cartoon, would stake the claim that he created ALL mechanical life. When the Quintesson Judge calls this out, Primacron calmly responds that he created mechanical bacterial life once and surmises those creatures became the Quintesson race.

Further manga would reveal this is true, and go the extra mile by revealing Primus and Primacron were ancient beings that existed in the universe prior to the Big Bang (mirroring a similar idea in the Marvel comics).

Primacron was originally Primus’ pet, but as his intellect grew, and so did his ambitions, and once the old universe died and ours was born, Primacron would enslave his former master in what would become The Matrix of Leadership, and it would grant life to his mechanical creations, the Beast Mode Primitives, the Quintessons and Unicron.

It would appear most modern media opts go instead cast the Quintessons as organic creatures, created by Quintus Prime’s Emberstone, that pilot mechanical suits.

Cyberverse’s take on the Judges also goes an extra mile, similar to Primacron, revealing that these Quintessons are born by fusing five distinct lifeforms together, all chosen to judge a universe accordingly. This is depicted by using Starscream as the dominant component….

But unlike the wholly mechanical Judge seen before, Starscream’s Judge form has organic components, with other organic races in the Greys and Velgrox.

While there’s an argument the G1 Quints might be biomechanical, it’s never been clearly defined with Cyberverse Quint Starscream more plainly leaning in that direction.

As for the organic technology present among the TFONE Quints, that potentially has two origins.

The more famous one are the Trans-Organics, the prototype race the Quintessons developed before making the Consumer Goods and Military Hardware robots that would become The Transformers.

A cyborg like race of primitive animals, they were unable to accomplish basic tasks, and gave into their beast like savagery, destroying several Quints before they were sealed away deep within Cybertron.

In the modern era, a group of Quintessons opted to free their ancient beasts of burden, tricking Galvatron into unleashing them so that the Trans-Organics may destroy the Transformers, allowing the Quints to reclaim Cybertron. Inevitability this fails, with the Quints done in by the Dweller beast, an energy vampire worm Trans-Organic.

The Dweller is the most famous one, and spawned other counterparts seen in Cyberverse and EarthSpark, with the EarthSpark versions being a race native to Quintessa, typing it back to its origins.

The second inspiration, if potentially coincidental, could be GI Joe’s Cobra-La.

The GI Joe movie would reveal Cobra had its origins in Cobra-La, an ancient race of snake people that were the original dominant species of Earth before us mammalian humans evolved.

Cobra Commander is native to Cobra-La, originally being a snake man scientist who became mutated in a lab accident before becoming leader of the snake themed terrorist organization that’d slither into America.

He’s further mutated as punishment for his failure in taking over the world in Cobra-La’s name, slow mutating into a cobra.

While the DiC sequel series would see him restored, albeit still as a mutant snake man.

Presumably CC’s still a snake dude when he briefly menaces in the G1 Movie era Autobots as Old Snake.

Anyhow, the relevance to the Cobra-Laians and Quintessons, is the former use organic based technology. Basically, this means they create specially developed animals to use in place of tools, bridges & vehicles.

@bogleech’s own post on Cobra-La discusses other examples of their technology: https://bogleech.com/cobrala

In the GI Joe film, the Cobra-La people are disgusted by humanity’s use of inorganic machinery, and opt to eradicate humans and reclaim the land that was theirs prior to the Ice Age.

In the Energon Universe, this prejudice exists still for humans, as Cobra Commander is instead a human that lives in their ranks, but they’re more offended by the existence of the Transformers after CC’s science team dug out a frozen Megatron to study him.

Aghast at a cold, mechanical planet populated by giant metallic robots, Cobra-La sends Pythona aboard a space fairing … whatever this fella is…

… to Cybertron to nip this so called invasion in the bud.

It would appear she takes a semi unintentional detour, dealing with matters in the Void Rivals series first, where she’s set to battle the Skuxxoid in particular. (I’d laugh if she became the wife he constantly talks about.)

The Quints and Cobra-La sharing the concept of organic technology is honestly very interesting, and while I do think it was created independently of GI Joe, should more TFONE content be made and the Transformers and Quintessons go to Earth, a further connection to Cobra-La would be really cool.

It’s theorized in the Energon Universe that the Quintessons could’ve created or at least influenced the Cobra-La people, and such an idea isn’t unheard of, as the Zertonians and Agorrians of Void Rivals are revealed to be descendants of Transformers via a new character called Zerta Trion. It’s implied but not yet totally confirmed the Quintessons created the Transformers also via the G1 cartoon as well, and I just think it’d be hilarious if the proud, organic Cobra-La people would discover they’re related to the fully mechanical Transformers via the Quintessons and be utterly mortified. (I don’t think they’d like their Zertonian/Agorrian cousins much either since, despite being organic they have technology based Energon ports on their heads.)

Incidentally it feeds into a personal headcanon regarding EarthSpark, since MARS Industries exists here, that Quintus Prime used the Emberstone to seed life on Earth that would one day evolve into Cobra-La, making them relatives to the Terrans, Quintessons, and Lithonians (the later because Quintus reminds me of Kranix for some reason).

[femmefataleart]

Baroness Vs Scarlett by Tiangtam

[zombiesnake57]

Firefly has his priorities straight. Art by Herb Trimpe

[herzspalter]

Real things that happen in GI Joe

My best friend forced me to watch some GI Joe and here's a few insane things that happen in it:

Baroness is so upset over Destro talking to another girl that she burns down his entire family inherited Scottish castle, and he keeps her because she's a catch

The villains are fed up with Cobra Commander being an inept shit, so they create a new guy made up from the DNA of history's greatest monsters, and are surprised when he turns out to be an asshole

In the obligatory drug episode, Duke's brother and one of the rando villain's sister both get addicted to a made up drug. The villain is very concerned, gets official sick leave from the bad guys, visits her in the hospital and promises her his support no matter what. Duke, the good guy, on the other hand is so upset at his brother for having a drug problem that he basically disowns him and shames him, telling him he's no longer his brother. A real american hero right there

The drug episode ends with the drug manifacturer dying and exploding and a shot of his mangled hand with giant red letters on screen saying "DRUGS KILL"

They meet a shirtless guy shooting a commercial in the arctic who asks them if they're his camera team. He teams up with the Joes and we never see his actual camera team so I guess they died

Cobra Commander is revealed to actually be a snake person in the movie, it's incredibly bad

There's a guy named Snowjob

The entire show is disgustingly Too American, like you'd think that's obvious, but it's even more American than you'd initially think

The animation sucks and that's what kept me going, very funny

Sgt. Slaughter is in this. The wrestler. He's just in this as himself, he says every line like a wrestling promo, he's the most powerful being in the show, it's a rampant self insert and it's kinda amazing

[grimewart]

first day at cobra

[crisisofinfinitemultiverses]

GI Joe 1 (2024) by Joshua Williamson & Tom Reilly

Cover: Lee Bermejo (variant)