#the count chocula killed me

[scullys-scalpel]

WWDITS 4.01

They were wild for this 😂

[pilot-boi]

What are everyone’s favourite cereals in RRAYENNBOW? And you can include Qrow and mercury if you want to

And I SHALL include them

Ruby: Special K. She doesn’t actually have that much of a sweet tooth, and she’s gotta stay fit. Plus it has strawberries and turns the milk pink

Weiss: Doesn’t really eat cereal (coffee or death) but if she has to choose, probably Chex. She just thinks they’re neat

Blake: Gonna go with Honey Bunches of Oats. First of all, bees. Second of all, they remind her of the good times on the road with granola bars and what not

Yang: Kix. I know she’s the punch girl, but come on. Tell me she wouldn’t love Kix. Wish I had more to say about this one, but I just feel it in my bones

Jaune: Used to be Pumpkin Pete’s, but then ya know. Also he never really liked it that much, he just wanted the hoodie really badly. So i don’t know why but i really see him liking Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Pyrrha: Life (jkjk) Health nut that she is, it’s not one of the super sugary ones. But it’s also not like… bran flakes. Unironically think she’d really love Honey Nut Cheerios

Nora: Fucking Sugar Blast Supremes or something, let’s be real. She hoards the cereals from Halloween time, Count Chocula, and Boo Berry, and Frankenberry. Just the most synthetic shit you’ve ever seen

Ren: Raisin Bran. Because he’s a monster. He actually really likes it, but he hates the texture of the raisins in the milk, so he painstakingly removes every raisin, eats all the cereal, and then eats all the raisins

Oscar: He didn’t get a lot of cereal brands out on the farm, lots of morning oatmeal and eggs and whatnot. But once he made it to the big city, he absolutely fell in love with Froot Loops. And yes, he gets teased relentlessly for liking the most kiddy cereal ever

Emerald: Think she’d really like Apple Cinnamon Cheerios. Or just normal Cheerios. In milk, or just plain, she loves those things. They were cheap to buy (or steal) so they were one of the few cereals she actually had

Mercury: Reese’s Puffs. With his dad, it was only healthy food, or nothing at all. But he’d see the commercials on TV. So after killing Marcus, I kid you not, Mercury ate nothing but Reese’s Puffs for like a week. And then he was sick. But it was worth it. And yes, he knows the entire rap

Qrow: Again, like Weiss, coffee or death. But I feel like he’d also like Honey Nut Cheerios. I really don’t know why, they’re so un-Qrow. But maybe that’s exactly why he’d like them

[apomaro-mellow]

Part 3

Do yall got a favorite cereal mascot? Mine’s the Honey Nut Cheerios bee

Steve watched as Eddie dazzled a field trip of elementary students by having a load of birds up and down both arms, perched on his gangly limbs like branches. This demon, who had shown him more human compassion than his own parents. This demon, who Steve would only be able to be around so long as his wish was unfulfilled...

They were around snakes next and Steve got to watch as Eddie entertained a different group of children by letting a large snake curl around his shoulders after a quick ‘don’t try this at home, kids’. Eddie kept the more adventurous occupied, while Steve got to have a small moment with a boy who was more apprehensive around snakes.

He felt a surge of triumph and warmth when he was able to get the boy confident enough to pet the snake that was coiled around his wrist. The boy lit up like a whole new world had been opened up for him. Steve was beginning to understand the feeling.

“So?”, Eddie asked as they walked the path between exhibits. “What about this?”

“I like animals. And kids. And being outdoors”, Steve said.

“So is it a winner?”

Steve thought about it. “Don’t people usually feel like a...a spark or something? Something that makes it feel like their calling?”

“Is that what you want? A calling?”

Steve nodded. “Something that makes me really feel like I belong.”

“Then we’ll find that place”, Eddie promised him.

“Before we go, can we see the tigers? They’re my favorite.”

As if Eddie was going to deny him anything now. They stood outside the tiger enclosure and Steve watched them move about, lighting up a little when he saw one of them had a cub tailing after it. Meanwhile, Eddie watched Steve. Beautiful, beautiful Steve.

After the zoo stint, Eddie took them through a door that took them back into the apartment.

“We’re here again?”, Steve questioned, back into the t-shirt and sweats he put on that morning. He looked to the door and tried opening it himself, but it was locked shut.

“We’ve had a big, full day. And little mortals need their sleep. And that door only works for me, by the way. Even if you did get it open, you’d be falling through an endless void until it chose where to spit you up.”

“What are we gonna do for the rest of the day, then?”

“Now we get to do what I want”, Eddie waggled his brows and his voice got deep and for a moment Steve felt a bit like prey.

He didn’t know whether he was relieved or disappointed when Eddie sat him down on the small couch and put a movie on.

“So tigers are your favorite animal, huh?”

“Yeah”, Steve replied as the movie started.

“Alright”, Eddie got comfortable next to Steve and grinned. The kind of grin that worried Steve. “Fuck, marry, kill - Tony the Tiger, Count Chocula, the Trix Rabbit.”

For a moment, Steve just sat there, dumbfounded by the question. While Eddie waited expectantly. When Steve finally found his voice, it was in spurts and bursts.

“Why would you-how would you even-fuck?! First of all, Tony is a mentor. He’s a coach, he’s not gonna fuck his players. And I wouldn’t kill him.”

“Okay, you’d marry Tony. Good to know.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“And the rabbit?”

“I wouldn’t marry a rabbit either. Or fuck one.”

“Kill the Trix Rabbit. He’s a cereal thief anyway. So that just leaves the Count...and one choice left...”, Eddie smirked.

Steve took a second to catch up and his jaw dropped. “No.”

“You landed on marry Tony, kill the Trix Rabbit. By process of elimination that means-”

“I wouldn’t fuck Count Chocula!”

“Why not?”

“First of all, he’s a cartoon-”

“Irrelevant to the conversation.”

“Second, he’s not even a real vampire. He’s a chocolate vampire.”

Eddie turned to sit on his side, facing Steve more while draping his arm across the back of the couch. “Are you gonna change any of your answers?”

Steve’s arms crossed as he seriously contemplated it. Eddie knew he was in deep trouble when he could just stare at him sitting there for hours.

“What’re you thinkin’ about, gorgeous?”

“Tony the Tiger would be a good husband. He’s great with kids”, Steve answered and tried not to think about how warm he got when Eddie called him that. “And the Trix Rabbit is notoriously bad with children.”

“Hey, Steve?”

“What?”

“You’re a vampire fucker.”

“Did you put a movie on just so we could ignore it?”

“I was just getting a feel”, Eddie said. “There’s two kinds of people who enjoy Robin Hood.”

“I don’t even wann know what kind of people you’re referring to”, Steve said with a shake of his head. Then a thought occurred to him. “You know, you’re kinda like a vampire.”

Eddie’s brain shot to the moon with what Steve could be implying and where this conversation could take them.

“....Go on.”

“You’re ancient and you need to drink blood.”

Eddie gasped. “Ancient? I don’t look a day over 20 and I have the stamina of a demon half my age.”

“And the blood?”

“Well you know that’s true.”

Steve’s gaze dropped from Eddie’s and went back to the screen as he began. “Speaking of...”

“Speaking of?”

“Don’t you need some now?” Steve looked back at him.

“’Need’ is a strong word.” But ‘want’? ‘Desire’? He was leaning heavily towards ‘lust’ at this point. Eddie’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. Steve’s eyes followed the motion. It felt like they were teetering towards something.

Steve thrust his hand out towards Eddie. “Here. Considering that coffee you made, I think your body could use this.”

Eddie took the hand without thinking, let his thumb stroke Steve’s knuckles. There was a prominent vein sticking out on the back of his hand and Eddie wanted to follow it to Steve’s heart with his lips. But as it were, receiving a bite on the back of the hand was probably pretty painful.

Instead, he held Steve’s hand delicately. Eddie held eye contact with him as he bit down in the meat between his thumb and index finger. He was rewarded with seeing Steve’s eyes flutter as he broke the skin. What was even sweeter than the blood on his tongue was the blush growing on Steve’s cheeks.

Eddie only sipped for a couple of moments, knowing that if he indulged, he wouldn’t know when to stop. He licked at Steve’s hand to heal the pricked skin but couldn’t release him just yet.

“You wanna ask me something”, Eddie surmised, looking into his eyes.

“I wanna ask you...for something. But I don’t know if I can.”

“Is it the kind of thing you’ve asked for before?”

The corner of Steve’s lips pulled up. “Not verbally, no. I’ve always just like, put out a vibe or something.”

“Try me then”, Eddie smirked.

Steve looked down at their hands, still in each other’s grasp and slowly put his fingers between Eddie’s. His other hands moved to cup Eddie’s face, his fingers getting lost in that curtain of hair.

“Come here”, Steve nearly whispered as he pulled him in for a kiss.

Part 5

Tag Team

@swimmingbirdrunningrock @flustratedcas @estrellami-1 @weirdandabsurd42 @lololol-1234 @chaoticvictorianspirit @giopandaonice @marklee-blackmore @blackpanzy @kacatshi

@stevesbipanic @goodolefashionedloverboi @panicatthediaz @gregre369 @littlewildflowerkitten @starryeyedpoet17 @envyadams-vs-me @abbiecadabi-blog

@genderless-spoon  @stxrcrossed186 @l0st-strawberry @willowsmelody @bornonthesavage @mxmakessense @roaringgoodshow @potato-of-the-lord @actualwakingnightmare @meccaminayah

[sadie-bug345]

gang as cereals

i’m fr obsessed with having cereal for every meal and honestly i’m sure the outsiders boys are too

ponyboy: bro would probably really like cookie crunch or count chocula like some lesser loved gems in the cereal aisle. still sugary but at least he’s not basic. 6/10

johnny: my guy would kill for some life or mini wheats (NOW STAY W ME) those are pretty filling which will fuel him on the run from the police, killing socs, looking cutie, etc. also they’re dad cereals cause my guy isn’t wasting money on sugary crap. 5/10 for the effort.

sodapop: proud lucky charms devourer, eats all the bland pieces first to get them out of the way and then has spoonfuls of just marshmallows. 8/10 cause this is the one thing in his life that is planned out.

darry: whole wheat/oat cheerios, corn flakes kinda guy also help he probably loves raisin bran 😭😭. pure unadulterated fiber and carbs to keep him roofing houses and wrangling kid brothers. 3/10 i’m sorry you’re kinda gross

dally: i honestly feel like guy doesn’t eat breakfast he just seems like the type to not care enough and by the time he wakes up it’s lunch but if he could have a midday snack at bucks house, it’d def be frosted flakes cause they’re just barely sweet enough or he’d like honey bunches of oats cause those lowk hit so yes. 7/10 he’d def have cereal every meal

two-bit: reese’s puffs guy all the way, and i have pure respect for him. 10/10 enough said.

steve: probably gets like specialty cereals sponsored by movies that have toys inside yk? like last week i got me some wonka froot loops and they were lowk disgusting but i got them for the vibe. steve is kinda like that…if not he’s a cap’n crunch oops all berries typa dude.

[ceph-the-ghost-writer]

OC Questionnaire

Tagged by @sunset-a-story! (I think? It might have been @touloserlautrec 😅) I rolled a d10 and it came up on lucky 7: Breezy

How-to: Answer the trio of questions given in the voice of one of your characters. Then come up with a new set of questions and tag some people to play.

What is the best/worst insult you've ever hurled at someone?

No offense to my friends and neighbors...but. It was probably while dealing with one of those insufferable Coven dipshits. I mean the kind who wants to look over my shoulder while I'm working a spell and freely offer his opinion on how a "real" practitioner would do it. Long story short, I got fed up and advised him to click his heels together three times and fuck off. Don't think he got the reference, but he definitely understood the sentiment.

If you were stuck in your own personal time loop horror, what would you have to do to break out of it?

Well, I suppose using my ability to disrupt sorcery wouldn't cut it, right? So, it'd likely be a lesson about swallowing my pride and having to follow rules I don't agree with, at least in certain circumstances. Like working with the aforementioned type of dipshit maybe.

What is, in your opinion, the sexiest cereal mascot?

There's a question to pose during a friendly smoke session! Hmm...Cap'n Crunch? I do appreciate a man who can handle himself at sea. Not to mention give me breathing space while he's out there. Absence makes the heart fonder, etc. But I do fancy vampires too, and that Count Chocula looks like he knows how to have fun. We can't forget Tony the Tiger either, though, can we? He's fit, he has that deep voice, and--pardon--a great personality.

Say...do all cereal mascots go by he/him? Come to think of it, I can't name a single one who doesn't. And in this day and age! Where are the silly she/her sea serpents? The they/them t-rexes? The unknowable amalgamations of fungi, wood, and vines? Wild.

Ahem. What were we talking about before? Oh, right. Fuck Tony the Tiger, Marry Cap'n Crunch, kill the Trix Rabbit.

Taglist and questions below

Dysthanasia Taglist: @thatndginger @thecyrulik @space-writes @scoundrelwithboba

Additionally: @orphanheirs @kaylinalexanderbooks @drawnecromancy @dyrewrites @lychhiker-writes @

Questions:

1) Which weirdly specific superpower would you prefer: ability to cook eggs in any manner and have them turn out perfectly, or ability to always recommend a piece of media someone else will enjoy? 2) Most awkward conversation you've ever had? 3) How accurate do you think your zodiac sign is?

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 23, shut up bich! Birch! Bitch! Yeah, that one!

AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha!

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The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Till and Rumbridge sawed us.

“MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!” Rumbridge shouted angrily. Till blared at her.

“Oops she made a mistake!” he corrupted her. “She means hi everybody cum in!” (in what?)

Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Oliver and Richard and opposite Frau Schneider. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I eight some Count Chocula and nine som coffee from a cup, I normally use my hands. Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was………Vampire! He and Richard were shooting at eachother. It was really impressive for Richard to be sitting next to me while shooting at Potter.

“Vampire, Richard WTF?” I asked.

“You fucking bustard!” yelled Richard at Vampire. “I want to shit next to her!1”

“No I do!” shouted.

“No she doesn’t fucking like u, you son of a bitch!” yelled Richard.

“No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!” shouted Vampire. And then……………… he jumped on Richard! (no not in dat way u perv) They started to fight and beat up each other. I begged them to stop trying to shit next to me, I prefer my bathroom time to be my alone time but they didn't listen to me. It must be my radiant beauty curse again.

Till yelled at them but they didn’t stop. All of a sudden…… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Also he had no nose in case that wasn't clear. Britney (that bitch that does have a nose) that fucking prep started to cry. Vampire and Richard stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent………………….Volzemort!

“Paul Darkness Omnipotentia Landers…..Paul Darkness Omnipotentia Landers…….” Darth Valer sed evilly in his raspy voice. “Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Richard too!”

“Plz don’t make me kill him plz!” I begged.

“No!” he laughed crudely. “Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!” Then he flew away cackling. I guess he didn't plan on checking I actually killed someone. Which is bad practice for an evil overlord. Always make sure your victim does as they're told. That's just Evil 101 and I totally had that in this sad excuse for a school because I'm goffik.

I bust into tears. Richard and Vampire came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Richard while Richard slit his wrists in a depressed way. Less work for Evil Overlord McGee if he does it himself I guess?

“No!” I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.

“Paul Darkness Dementia Raven Way Landers Paul Darkness Dementia Raven Way Landers aure you alright?” asked Richard in a worried voice.

“Yeah yeah.” I said sadly as I got up.

“Everyfing’s all right Paul Shadow Edgelord Omnipotentia Landers.” said Vampire all sensetive.

“No its not!” I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. “OMFG what if I’m getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!”

“Its ok gurl.” said Frau Schneider. “Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister about what the visions mean though.”

“Ok bich.” I said sadly and den we went. 

[uttotheegg]

Okaasan ga iru Kubi dake mawaru no Okaasan ga iru Kubi dake mawaru no

Okaasan ga kuru Hayaku nigenai to Okaasan ga kuru Mou oitsukareta

Pixie: Hey, what do you call a fairy without wings?

Elina: I don't know. What?

Pixie: Nothing! Who'd want to call a wingless fairy?!

Elina: Don't even bother, Bibble. They're not worth it.

Pixie: What's the matter, Elina? Jealous?

Pixies: Whoa!

Elina: Thanks, Dandelion.

Dandelion: Don't let 'em get to you.

Elina: 'Course not. So, what did the fairies want?

Dandelion: It was weird. They said we should go home right away.

Elina: Really? Why?

[F] [G] [Em] [Am] [F] [G] [C] [F] [G] [Em] [Am] [F] [G] [C]

[Am] We're no strangers to [G] love [F] You know the rules and [G] so do I [Am] A full commitment's what I'm [G] thinking of [F] You wouldn't get this from [G] any other guy

[Fmaj7] I just want to [G] tell you how I'm feeling [Dm7] Gotta make you [G] understand

Never gonna [Am] give you [G] up, never gonna [Em] let you [Am] down Never gonna [F] run a-[G]round and de[C]sert you Never gonna [Am] make you [G] cry, never gonna [Em] say good-[Am]bye Never gonna [Dm] tell a [G] lie and [C] hurt you

[Am] We've known each other [G] for so long [F] Your heart's been aching but [G] you're too shy to say it [Am] Inside we both know what's been [G] going on [F] We know the game and we're [G] gonna play it

[Fmaj7] And if you [G] ask me how I'm feeling [Dm7] Don't tell me you're too [G] blind to see

Never gonna [Am] give you [G] up, never gonna [Em] let you [Am] down Never gonna [F] run a-[G]round and de[C]sert you Never gonna [Am] make you [G] cry, never gonna [Em] say good-[Am]bye Never gonna [Dm] tell a [G] lie and [C] hurt you

Never gonna [Am] give you [G] up, never gonna [Em] let you [Am] down Never gonna [F] run a-[G]round and de[C]sert you

I leaned against the wall clutching my stomach, panting heavily and feeling numb all over. Blood was splattered all over me, and I'm pretty sure about a quarter of it was my own, but I couldn't really focus on that. Right now, all I could think about was the limp figure lying on the ground in front of me, blood pooling around him. A knife lay on the ground next to his open hand, the glistening blade tinted with red. The same red on my shirt. My stomach lurched at the thought that it had come from me.

"Buddy..." I choked, covering my mouth as tears formed in my eyes. Memories flashed by as I stared at his corpse, remembering his bright smile and deep, horse-like laugh. He'd taken me in when I was a little kid after my parents pretty much abandoned me. We lived alone in the mountains, miles away from other people with only a computer connecting us to the rest of the world. Even so, we were never lonely. We had each other, and I grew up happy and loved. He was supposed to be my guardian, my protector.And now, he was dead.

And he had tried to kill me.

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glas

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. shisukesa ga oitsumeru, kotowa mitsukaranai lord give me onemoribiteatthehandthatfeedsme been here like a thousand times, dated everyaccordingtoallknownlawsofSHrek!

I feel honored

[pwblogarchive]

February 2002

February 7, 2002

“my fascination with life begins and ends on her lips.”

welcome to the story of those down on their luck- we’ll make the worst feel pity for us. we’ll start a band and everyone in the room will chew the fat until they choke. i’ll just wish i was in different skin the whole time. we won’t wait for you tonight. we’ll start the van and leave this town wasted behind us. tonight draw the curtain and watch us mock those who smile and nod like everything is alright.

blah blah. nothing much to say. we are out one van, one drummer, and one practice space. i think the shows for this weekend are off. that sucks.

deadxstop number something is out now- it’s pretty sweet ass. thora birch is extra hot. i’m scared that i’m gonna lose one of my bestfriends over a fucking band.

and she took a stab at reason and ambition on her way out the door so i don’t want them anymore.

i won’t wait for you tonight.

love pete

February 21, 2002

“this as an expirement, has failed.” 

so i have been waiting to write an entry in here until: a. i was in a better mood and b. when i had something to write about Arma. neither has really happened.

“you want to know who i really am? yeah, so do i”

i have been in a bad mood all week. kind of like i feel like i miss someone or something but noone is gone- just kind of lonely. i cried for the first time in years the other night, it was ultra lame- i don’t recommend it. i don’t know. i figured it was partially cause my mom was out of town for awhile and i’m a total wuss, like i eat only cold cereal until she returns. i dunno i feel like i need to figure myself out and the people in my life aren’t really giving me that chance, cause they’re scared they’ll lose me or for whatever reason- i think i’m going crazy haha. but that’s not it- fall out boy has been recording for our full length all week, its pretty bomb. it’s funny how tattoo studios and recording studios are the only places where you pay to pretty much hang out half the time- like the dudes just sit around most of the time and then sometimes work, it’s pretty hilarious if you think about it. anyway, i tracked bass yesterday and it sounds fresh so check it out when it comes out.

as far as Arma goes, we have dropped off a couple of shows as we get ourselves resituated- we are going to record a jam or two on march third with the new drummer. i guess we can release who it is now, Andy from racetraitor will be taking over roadwarrior/god of thunder duties for us- if you remember racetraitor and kill the slavemaster than you know this kid can play crazy good- think heavy. hopefully, we will still be on the bloodlet show in march to unleash the new fury. we’ll then look at our touring schedule and all.

do you have people in your life that are just too nice to you? it drives me insane. they just do shit for you all the time regardless of what going on, they’ll always be there?

anyways, this one made no sense. i promise i’ll give you a better one soon.

i’m gone like virginity on prom night.

petey

ps- count chocula is just cocopuffs with marshmallows in it, don’t believe the hype.

February 24, 2002

“even if i crashed my car into a wall or weighed myself to the bottom of the sea-”

i would still find a way to disappoint you.

dude. i have to say matt fox is one of the nicest guys in hardcore hands down. we went to shai hulud the other night and those guys were so cool. we talked about playing some shows together and other nerdy stuff. my friend tony plays drums for them now too which is rad- if you see them harass him for arma angelus. word.

we’re practicing this week and recording some stuff on sunday for our friend philly shawn’s comp. if you get a chance go check out the site www.spookcityusa.com - shit is fresh.

badjournal entry. sorry i am in a good mood. nothing to bitch about. i’ll catch you peeps later.

twenty years from now- arma angelus reunion:

chris- the dude will be like 47 and saying he’s still 19. the fonz isn’t cool when he’s old and fat.

adam- still pissed at the world. teaching a class or leading a cult, choose your own adventure.

todd- rocking out in some shitty bar with the killing tree- still.

pete- lives at home with his parents. goes to shows where the girls stay the same age. seriously it’s not cool, he is still in college.

andy- in jail for something or another. keeps the edge, loses his anal virginity.

still full of hate.

in between the sheets my eyes are clumsy, our limbs are tired and pretty entwined. tommorrow the phone will be a noose. goodnight is goodbye.

love pete

[skynetgilesbie]

Chapter 23.

AN: Shut the fuck up, bitches! You're just jealous because I got 10,000 reviews! Thanks to Raven for the help and telling me about the book. Girl, you rock! Let's go shopping together!

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The door opened, and Professor Umbridge and Cornelius Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledore and Umbridge saw us.

"MR. WAY, WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!" Umbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore glared at her.

"Oops, she made a mistake!" he corrected her. "She means hi, everybody, come in!"

Well, we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco, and opposite Bloody Mary. Crab and Goyle started to make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Valo. I ate some Count Chocula and drank some blood from a cup. Then I heard someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me, it was... Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at each other.

"Vampire, Draco, WTF?" I asked.

"You fucking bastard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to sit next to her!"

"No, I do!" shouted Vampire.

"No, she doesn't fucking like you, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco.

"No, fuck you, motherfucker! She loves me, not you!" shouted Vampire. And then... he jumped on Draco! (No, not in that way, you perv.) They started to fight and beat each other up.

Dumbledore yelled at them, but they didn't stop. All of a sudden... a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew through fell apart. Britney, that fucking prep, started to cry. Vampire and Draco stopped fighting... I stopped eating... Everyone gasped. The room fell silent... Voldemort!

"Ebony... Ebony..." Darth Vader said evilly in his raspy voice. "Thou hast failed thy mission. Now I shall kill thee, and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou dost not kill him before then, I shall kill Draco too!"

"Please don't make me kill him, please!" I begged.

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling.

I burst into tears. Draco and Vampire came to comfort me. Suddenly, my eyes rolled up, so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision where I saw lightning flash, and then Voldemort coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way.

"No!" I screamed sexily. Suddenly, I locked up and stopped having the vision.

"Ebony, Ebony, are you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice.

"Yeah, yeah," I said sadly as I got up.

"Everything's alright, Enoby," said Vampire all sensitively.

"No, it's not!" I shouted angrily. Tears of blood went down my face. "OMFG, what if I'm getting possessed like in The Ring 2!"

"It's okay, girl," said Bloody Mary. "Maybe you should ask Professor Sinister about what the visions mean, though."

"Okay, bitch," I said sadly, and then we went.

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

This of course means we all have to come together as a Fandom and come up with funny/traumatic sentences to appear on Tims wrist

My contributions so far are:

I wonder what this big red button does

If I had a nickel for every time a girl I had a crush on turned into a dragon and I had to fight her id have two nickels

Im sure he was bluffing, see!

Now I just have to keep Vlad from killing Dad!

Not now Sam, My hellhound needs a walk

Cujo I will play with you if you agree not to eat my homework

Im borrowing mom and dads shrink ray!

Wolf accidentally tore a semi-permanent hole into out dimension again and I gotta go help him fix it

Oh, nuclear launch codes

You're the one who's been making all those children disappear?!

Thats a lot of snakes

Thats a really big spider

Im sure its perfectly safe

Fairies aren't real, its just a ring of mushrooms

Dont make me get the garlic count chocula

Is that a ninja?

Do you think I could just fill up a spray bottle with the "Lazarus waters" and threaten to spray the ninjas if they misbehave?

Submitted Prompts #123

One of those soulmate aus where you have the last words your soulmate says to you written on you.

Each time Danny goes to his Phantom form, he technically dies.

Someone is very confused about why their soulmate would decide to say "I'm going ghost" on their deathbed.

Danny decides to make his identity reveal more dramatic by using his old catchphrase.

[cookinguptales]

I feel like you're the only person on the same wave length as me when it comes to season 4's writing so I felt comfortable sharing. My friend and I finally watched "Freddie" and we both agreed that the writing for this ep and especially this season has felt bland. Like instead of doing clever layered jokes, everything just seems "Fuck, piss, shit". Even the vampire piss line from season 3 felt like it had more build up. Like people like to say this show is the "piss and fart vampire show" but even piss and fart comedies can have clever writing or layered writing. Like in Rick and Morty, the show constantly dog piled on as the stoner/frat boy show can have lines like, "I realize now that I am attracted to you for the same reason I can't be with you: you can't change. And I have no problem with that, but it clearly means I have a problem with myself....But I know how it goes with us. I loose who I am and become part of you".

Like I feel that line sums up Guillermo and Nandor's relationship better then some of the lines in this episode. Like having poignant or well-written dialogue didnt seem to be a big concern this season. Either every line feels like something from a first draft or feels like the approach was "How many times can we add piss, fuck, and shit to this line and make that be the punchline rather then having an actual like....set up."

I agree that WWDITS is one of those dark comedies that is usually very off the wall but that will occasionally just punch you in the face with real and genuine emotions. I think that's always been one of the main strengths of the series, along with the movie and Wellington Paranormal, and I think it's what a lot of people respond to, especially in s3.

I do also think that some of that very layered writing fell apart in s4, especially in 4.09. That said... I actually think there were some very poignant moments in this season, which is part of why I feel so frustrated with the parts I don't think they did well.

Like I really genuinely enjoyed a lot of the stuff about Guillermo's family and his issues with his childhood in this season. I liked him talking about how he kind of had to raise himself and how he wouldn't let Colin go through the same thing. I liked his desperation to hold onto his family even as he felt them slipping away from him, and the way that Nadja responded to that. "Una madre sabe" had me like ;A; I will not lie.

And wow, gosh, I still think about that scene in the alley with Colin and Laszlo regularly. I think it's the most genuine emotion and human (lmao) bonding we've seen between any characters this whole series and it really was very beautifully done -- and it was all the more effective because it was sandwiched between Laszlo dumping the child in a dumpster and taking him to a sexy vampire club.

I also disagree that the humor has been all piss and shit jokes this season. I actually found myself getting much more irritated with that in s3 with Colin Robinson's constant references to shit. I think the humor in general has been a little less creative and so devastatingly smart since the departure of Jemaine Clement (it's a trade-off, I suppose, for a more character-driven series) and so I don't try to hold s3 and s4 to the standards that I do, say, s2.

But I think some of the episodes in this season have been so fucking funny and smart, and some of the one-off jokes were great, too. Go Flip Yourself was fucking hysterical as someone who hatewatches HGTV, and they folded some of that humor in really well with WWDITS. Like the way you just laugh about the natural light because of course they want natural light, HGTV hosts are obsessed with natural light and they don't know it'll kill the vampires -- until wait, yes, you find out that they do. That's just so fucking funny.

Guillermo shoving literal skeletons into his closet when his family comes to visit. "Stop throwing stakes, it's rude!" Laszlo feeding Baby Colin Count Chocula. The Djinn's everything.

Like there is a lot of really genuinely good humor in this season! And I hated 4.09 as much as anyone, but I do think that s3 also had some episodes I didn't love, even if I didn't actively hate them like this one. (Like I usually straight-up skip The Siren; I think it's pretty boring. And I found the whole thing with Meg to be SUPER cringe.)

I guess my biggest beef with this season is that they actually did have a lot of really great ideas. I feel like this season could have been taken in some really interesting directions. But I do think they got distracted by magical shinies and, to some degree, shock value. I don't think they're really tying up their own ideas in a way that I find satisfying, and I'm really frustrated with some of the laziness of the writing on the tail end of this season -- but only because I know they can do better.

I mean, I think that The Night Market was a genuinely great episode. The creativity of the market itself, the excitement and character development you get through the familiar fights, the way the three subplots actually came together to form something fairly cohesive... The humor was great, the action was great, the characterization was great. My only real criticism is that it ended without giving us more of a conclusion with Nandor and Guillermo, and I have a feeling that was largely a time constraint.

So like... I think it's easy to throw out all of season four, but I think the reality is a little more complicated. It's so frustrating that they didn't close up all the elaborate shapes they started drawing at the beginning of the season. It's so frustrating that they used some of these secondary characters as props whose storylines were maddening. It's so frustrating that they don't seem to get some of the creepier implications of what they've written. But like... the reason it's frustrating is because there were good things, too. If the whole show were just shitty, I'd stop watching and be done with it.

But there are good things muddled up with the bad, and so now I've got to go through the somewhat exhausting process of pulling out what I like and deciding what I think about what I don't. I don't have a lot of faith that the finale is going to give me the things that I want, but who knows? Season 5 is another chance to fix some of these issues and I think there's really no way to know if things are going to get better or worse.

All I can do is write way too many words to make sense of my feelings (both through meta and fic) and stress-pour some wax melts at this point. lmao

[twistedtummies2]

Count-Down: Number 21

Welcome to Count-Down! All throughout the month of October, I’m counting down my Top 31 favorite portrayals and reimaginings of the King of the Vampires, Count Dracula! For today’s Dracula, the old phrase “Next time, get it in writing” comes to mind. Number 21 is…The Version from “Return of Evil.”

Today’s entry is special for a couple of reasons. First of all, this is the only NOVEL to make it into the actual countdown; we had “Anno Dracula” in the Honorable Mentions, of course, but this is the only book – a non-illustrated, normal, paperback book – to make it to the actual Top 31. Obviously, this book has to be pretty interesting, right? Well, that leads to the second reason: the main reason this book is of interest to me isn’t even the book itself. It’s my relationship with it. Believe it or not, this is what I consider to be my “official” introduction to Dracula. How is that so? Well…I’ll get to that in a bit. First, let’s discuss the book proper, which won’t take long. “Return of Evil” was part of a series of teenager-oriented books simply called “Universal Monsters.” (How original.) The series focused on various popular characters from the titular franchise ending up in the modern, real world, and the havoc they would then wreak. Fittingly, Dracula – being the first of the Monsters to show up in sound, and the King of the Vampires – was chosen to spearhead this takeover in the very first book of the series. I’ve only read two books from the series; namely, the first two. (“Return of Evil” and “Bad Moon Rising,” the latter of which features the Wolfman. That’s another story for another time.) I read these back when I was in Junior High School; at the time, I actually didn’t have that much experience with Dracula, unless you counted things like Scooby-Doo, The Count from Sesame Street, and Count Chocula. I knew who Dracula was, so to speak, but I didn’t know the story or how the Count could be taken as a serious character. Still, when I saw “Return of Evil” – with its blood red cover depicting the Count’s unearthly face – I became interested. What I read in its pages was one of the scariest books I had read up to that young age, and – I kid you not – I IMMEDIATELY went and rented the original Bram Stoker novel from my school library on the next visit. I HAD to know more about this character, I HAD to see what the original story was like. And it wasn’t too long after that I started looking at different film versions of Dracula…serious (or, you know, “serious”) film versions, that is – actual adaptations of the story. I would not have even met Bela Lugosi or Christopher Lee if it weren’t for this book. So my adoration of Dracula – who I had previously seen as a fanciful figure of fun – can be COMPLETELY blamed on this story. Now, the thing is, after I left middle school…I never saw the book again. It wasn’t until I was planning to make this list that I decided, “You know, I should see if I can track that book down; maybe it’s not as good as I remember…or, perhaps, it’s even better than I remember!” So, I did exactly that, and re-read it. And, quite honestly? I think the book is…EXACTLY as good as I remember it. Neither more nor less. Which was probably the result I was least expecting. XD The teenaged protagonists of the story are nothing too special; they aren’t bad characters, but they’re not particularly unique among the crowd of similar types. The plot is also pretty standard: Dracula arrives, kills and turns a few people, and our heroes have to stop him before he enacts his ultimate plan. However, there are a few twists to the formula – a vampire cult, for instance; not something you’ll see in most short novels like this – but where the story TRULY succeeds is the way it handles Dracula himself, and, tied to that, the TONE of the piece. These books wanted to prove something: that the Universal Monsters can be just as scary today as they were back in their own time, provided you realize how that works. Keep in mind, a lot of what makes the Monsters “hokey” by today’s standards in so many people’s eyes is movie magic: in the reality of the story, Dracula turns into a bat, but what we perceive is a rubber bat on a string. If Dracula, as played by Lugosi, came into our world, he wouldn’t simply be an over-the-top ham, as so many like to joke. He’d be a real threat. The novel does its job well: the book is legitimately scary and more gory than one would anticipate. Dracula’s physical description matches Lugosi, but the character is something new: he is a paradox, a villain who will kill innocent people seemingly for sport and thoroughly enjoy it…but also a tragic immortal whose greatest goal is to be reunited with the person he believes to be his long-lost love. He is a monster, but he is a monster with a heart, shriveled and blackened as it is. The result is a unique interpretation, paying homage to the classic version but also taking new twists and modernizing the character in a way that allows him to be more terrifying. Part of this, too, comes with the descriptions of the character, which always manage to make him sound quite impressive and sinister: that’s the power of writing. However, much like Lederer, the OVERALL product is…okay. It’s not a BRILLIANT novel, but it achieves what it sets out to do, and I have a lot of nostalgia here; I think it does its job better than “Return of Dracula,” despite being from a different medium, but it’s not enough to nail it a slot in the Top 20, possibly because novels – by their very nature – have a more subjective way of being interpreted. Still, it’s a version very close to my heart, and, if only because of what it’s done for me, I feel it deserves at least a little bit of credit. Tomorrow, the countdown continues! Hint: “Shall We Dance?”

[foodexpertextraordinaire-blog]

Cereal mascots I can beat in a fight

EZ clap: • Snap Crackle and Pop: they're a bunch of dweebs. I would crush them even if they were normal sized and going against me 3 v 1. I snap crackle and pop their necks and spines. • Applejack apple and cinnamon stick: I will dead ass eat a sentient apple & cinnamon stick. They can scream all they want. It will only fuel me. • Honey Smacks frog: this frog stands no chance. I stomp it and eat its legs. • Trix Rabbit: I've never seen a bigger jobber. In every commercial he gets bodied by kids. • Cinnamon Toast Crunch thingies: Aa army of them can't even win. They eat each other and have no leadership. I wait till they eat each other until 1 remains, then eat the last one. I would win with some difficulty or barely lose: • Honey Nut Cheerios bee: I will kill a bee if I have to but will probably get stung. • Count Chocula: hard to say. Vampires are pretty strong in most lore but this dude's a twig and powered by chocolate (lol). I think with some prep I can take the W. If he gets help from boo berry ghost or frankenberry monster though I lose. • Lucky Charms leprechaun: another tricky one. He's too good at running away seeing as he often outsmarts the kids in the commercials and secures his cereal. It will take some prep but I think I can bait him with some lucky charms and then trap him. If I catch him it's a wrap. • Cookie Crisp wolf: I'm thinking I take this one with high difficulty. Wolves are only strong in packs so if this lanky guy is solo I may be able to severely injure it even if it means getting mauled. I get destroyed: • Captain Crunch: this guy's a sailor so he must be pretty fit. Also I'm pretty sure he has a gun and machete. I get shot and die. • Athlete on the box of Wheaties: obvious loss here. I can't beat a top level athlete juiced up on HGH and other performance enhancing drugs. • Sugar Crisps bear: he's a bear man. He has claws and can climb trees and shit so there's no escape. I pretend to be dead but get mauled anyway. • Tony the Tiger: this guy's an athletic jock. He would beat me up, take my lunch money, and steal my crush from me. • Fred Flintstone: he's a caveman so prlly extremely strong since he lifts rocks all day. Definitely an L here. • Toucan Sam: he can fly so I'll never be able to catch him, he can also cheap shot me with his huge beak which will definitely give me some cuts & bruises. • Raisin Bran sun: no one can beat the sun.

[hailing-stars]

next time we’re going bowling 

summary

“Do you think if the vampires suck my blood they’ll turn into spider-vampires?” Peter asks them.

Bucky narrows his eyes and tilts his head at him.

Sam grimaces, then shakes his head. “Now we are. Do us a favor and don’t get bit by one.”

The cage returns to silence, and Peter becomes more fidgety, more anxious to avoid overhearing anymore of the vampire dinner party happening up above. He tries not to let his mind drift to the unlikely hood of his plan not working, and that if it doesn’t, two of them will end up as appetizers.  

“Seriously, guys,” says Peter. “If they turn me and I end up biting your neck, you have full permission to stab with a stake and light my body on fire.”

OR 

It’s Peter, Sam and Bucky VS a bunch of vampires.

read on ao3 or after the undercut!!

It isn’t the worst cage Peter’s ever been locked in. Actually, it’s kind of nice. A little doom and gloom, not much lighting, but he’s relaxed, with his back propped up against the black brick wall behind him and his legs kicked out in front of him.

That’s the mark of a good detainment, he decides, leg room.

Even if his company doesn’t appreciate their mission, and current situation for what it is, quality bonding time, Peter doesn’t care. He’s determined to make the best of it.

Bucky sits in the corner, half his back against the unbreakable bars (he spent the first thirty minutes of their imprisonment trying to snap them in half with his metal arm) and half against the bricks. Sam’s sitting next to the door, occasionally glancing at the hinges, and trying to work out a way to trick it into opening.

Their sulky silence is getting old, and Peter begins tapping his fingers against the concrete floor. Without any noise to focus on his extra sensitive hearing branches out in all different angles. He can hear the leaky pipes, the rotting wood of the ancient building they’re stuck underneath, and the monsters upstairs, clinking together wine glasses filled with blood.

“Do you think if the vampires suck my blood they’ll turn into spider-vampires?” Peter asks them.

Bucky narrows his eyes and tilts his head at him.

Sam grimaces, then shakes his head. “Now we are. Do us a favor and don’t get bit by one.”

The cage returns to silence, and Peter becomes more fidgety, more anxious to avoid overhearing anymore of the vampire dinner party happening up above. He tries not to let his mind drift to the unlikely hood of his plan not working, and that if it doesn’t, two of them will end up as appetizers.  

“Seriously, guys,” says Peter. “If they turn me and I end up biting your neck, you have full permission to stab with a stake and light my body on fire.”

“I’m already considering that, actually, just to shut you up,” says Sam.

“Hang on,” Bucky pipes in. “How do you know they’re gonna pick you?”

“Well it’s obvious isn’t it,” says Peter, without blinking. “Vladdy said they’ll kill two of us and turn one, and I’m the most capable vampire candidate.”

“How’s that?” Bucky presses more, seeming, almost, slightly offended.

“I’m youngest, the strongest, half-spider. It’s a no-brainer.”

“I’m more menacing. And the strongest part is debatable.”

“But you’re pretty old, no offense,” Peter points out. “And you’ve become way less murdery over the years, so I’m still thinking they’ll pick me.”

“Will you two can it?” Sam stands up and grips the handle of the cell door. “They’re not picking any one of us because we’re getting out of here. Stop arguing about nonsense and help me think of a plan.”

“Already got a plan,” says Peter, with a shrug.

Bucky and Sam glare at him.

“Look all we gotta do is get Bucky to hit them with his silver arm, and poof, vampire problem is solved.”

“Peter,” says Sam, after a long pause and a long breath. “It’s werewolves that don’t like silver. And Bucky’s arm is metal, it’s not made out from silver.”

“Same difference, same color. Besides vampires and werewolves are like the same thing? They both have pointy teeth and like to eat people, so what’s the difference, really?”

“I guess now we know why Bella had just a hard time picking between Edward and Jacob,” says Bucky, leaning his head back against the bars. Sam and Peter stare at him. “What? The Tower gets boring sometimes and Scott lets me borrow his books.”

Before Peter could point out that it was always obvious Bella was going to choose Edward, the door at the top of the basement door creaks open. They all fall silent as the vampire, wearing a black suit and a velvet cape descends the stairs. His pale skin made him glow, almost, even in the darkness of the room.

Peter takes a deep breath and stands. “Hey, Count Chocula, mind letting us out of here? Didn’t anyone ever tell you? It’s rude to keep your guests waiting.”

The vampire doesn’t respond. Instead he continues to approach the cage, walking so graceful for a few seconds Peter thinks he’s gliding. When he gets to the bars of the cage, Peter steps up next to Sam.

He knows he has to be fast, and he is. With one fluid moment, he takes the small, but sharp, wooden stake out of his pocket and stabs it through the heart of the vampire on the other side of the cage. Vladdy falls to his knees, red eyes filled with pain, and Peter takes a step backwards and down on his knees, too.

“Quick!! Before you die, which one of us was gonna be turned vampire?”

He opens his mouth to answer but falls flat on the concrete before he can reply.

“Damnit. Whatever. He was gonna say me.”

Sam punches him on the arm. “Did you have that this entire time?”

“Yes,” says Peter. He shrugs. “We were vampire hunting. I had to have supplies.”

“Might’ve been nice to mention it, Pete.”

“We were bonding.” It’s his only defense, and the truth. He can handle vampires on his own, but why do that when he can also invite Sam and Bucky? “Besides I didn’t think we’d need it. It was my backup plan.”

For the third time the cage falls silent. Sam glares at him, while Bucky searches the dead vampire corpse and finds the key to their cage. He unlocks it and they spill out into freedom, the three of the looking around the dark basement, then finally up the stairs, the only way down of the coven’s house.

“Gotta anymore supplies?” asks Sam.

With a grin, Peter pulls three small gold and red Iron Man water guns from his pocket. “They have Holy Water inside. There’s this lawyer I know in Hell’s Kitchen. He knows a few priests.”

Sam and Bucky each take a water gun from Peter.

“They just had to be Iron Man…” Bucky’s voice trails off as the shadow of more vampires appear in the doorway at the top of the creaky, wooden stairs.

“I’m borrowing them from Morgan.”

“Of course.”

What happens next is the highlight of Peter’s week. It’s a water gun fight, except he’s shooting actual vampires and watching them crumple to the ground, scream, and be wiped from existence. He’s doing pretty good, too, until he’s out of water gun and gets cornered by one he hadn’t seen coming.

“Oh shit, oh shit,” he repeats, voice getting higher, as his back hits the wall. He puts his arms up to protect himself, bracing for a bite that would bring about the reality of spider-vampires, but it never comes.

Instead, he hears more screaming, and when he looks, he sees the strangest sight since he walked in on Tony brushing Gerald’s fur. It’s the vampire, biting down on Bucky’s arm, and wringing in pain as Bucky pushes it off, its teeth remaining in his arm, pulled straight from the vampire’s mouth.

Sam is quick to put the creature out of its misery with a few sprays from the water gun.

And that’s it. They’re done. They’re three Avengers standing in a basement with a dead coven laying at their feet.

“That was… so awesome!” says Peter. He takes a step closer, and examines the teeth stuck in Bucky’s arm. “I knew your prosthetic would come in handy.” He looks at Sam. “See? My plan worked.”

“Barely.”

Together they do the last part of their job. They get a gallon of gasoline, pour it over the house, and light a match. Sam drops it in the basement where all the bodies lay, and they sprint from the house and watch from the yard as it begins to burn.

“That was fun,” Peter decides out loud. “We gotta hung out again sometime.”

Sam puts a hand on his shoulder. “Next time we’re going bowling.”

Bucky’s too preoccupied trying to remove the teeth that are still lodged in his arm to offer anything meaningful to their conversation.  

“By bowling do you mean- “

“-actual bowling,” says Sam. “No vampires. No aliens. No freaky giant lizards.”

“Oh,” says Peter, deflating at first, but then after thinking about, “That sounds nice, actually.”

“I think I’m gonna need Stark to build me another arm,” mutters Bucky.

Sam whistles his agreement, and they turn their attention upward again, where the house, along with the monsters inside, are burning to the ground.  

[bytheangell]

A Serious Work of Art

500 word prompt: paint (Read on AO3)

“What is this?” Simon sounds equal parts stunned, horrified, and confused. He’s looking at a painting that hangs on the wall behind the sofa which was not there when he left earlier.

Simon’s pretty sure he’d remember having a portrait-style painting of Count Chocula, except with a realistic artistic rendering of his own face where Count Chocula’s should be.

“Jace?!” Simon calls into the apartment, louder this time. He knows Jace has to be behind this. There’s no other reason for this to exist, let alone exist here, in his own home.

“Yeah, Si?” Jace asks, the picture of innocence as he shuffles out of the side hallway, barefoot and in sweats, tone impressively neutral.

“What,” Simon repeats, pointing at the painting. “Is this?”

“Do you like it?” Jace asks instead of answering. There’s the tug of a smirk on Jace’s lips, one that, once it starts, he’s entirely unable to stop from spreading.

“What is it?” Simon frowns. “No. I know what it is, but why is it here? Why is it anywhere? Why does this exist?”

Simon doesn’t know why it’s giving him such an existential crisis. Possibly because it’s really, really well done. This is an actual work of art... that just happens to be of him as Count Chocula.

“I thought it’d tie the place together. Don’t you agree? Better than a boring framed photograph,” Jace says. “Clary was thrilled with the generous commission to paint the pair of them.”

Simon thought the style looked familiar. Now that he moves closer instead of standing rooted in shock in the middle of the room, he can make out her signature in the corner.

“I’m going to kill her,” Simon mutters. Very belatedly, something Jace said registers in Simon’s mind. “...what do you mean, ‘pair of them’?”

Jace’s smile widens. “That’s right, you haven’t seen the bedroom yet.”

Simon isn’t sure he wants to, but his feet carry him there out of morbid curiosity, half-expecting a duplicate of Simon-Chocula. Instead, he’s greeted with a painting of his face, but on the body of The Count from Sesame Street.

“Oh my g-” Simon has never wanted to blaspheme more than he does right now, curse his vampiric restrictions. “No. This one has to go,” Simon says, shaking his head firmly.

“It isn’t that bad,” Jace argues.

“I am not having sex with a painting of me as a children’s show puppet staring at us from the wall. That’s too weird.”

“We could move it to the hallway,” Jace offers.

“We could move it to the trash can,” Simon mutters.

“We don’t have to keep them. Clary needed some extra cash and refused to let me loan her money, so I paid her to paint these instead,” Jace admits.

“Oh. That’s actually really nice,” Simon relents. “I suppose, since she went through the effort, we can leave them up through Halloween.”

It’s only fair, Simon thinks, since he has some artistic ideas of his own in mind for Clary now...

[peppapigvevo]

anyway the reason I think using classic universal monsters and mythology for official mh doesn't bother me is because things like vampires and werewolves and Frankenstein have been reinterpreted and analyzed in countless ways, a large number of them being kid friendly, (scooby doo, count chocula etc)

but like....how are you gonna interpret Pennywise into a positive or even neutral figure for a line originally marketed to kids when Pennywises whole gig was literally killing children? I could probably get into the idea of like, a scary clown or a hotel ghost, but in a broader sense