myrammmortal

[myrammmortal]

I should find a hobby. Raising the dead maybe.

Well, that was it. The whole story. All of the nightmares.

This story will be posted to ff.net and ao3 but sadly you can't enjoy all the lovely spelling mistakes there. So please do come back here to enjoy those whenever you want.

I'm done for now, I hope my braincells will recover and if there's more to this story than what I have found, please point me in the right direction.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope you are okay, you deserve to be okay. I love you for suffering with me. Take care and see you next time. Maybe..

Oh, and I'm very sorry to the 6 sweetest babygirls in the world for using their names in here. I hope they never find this but if they do, I hope they laugh.

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 44, the end. I'm off to my dad's birthday because I just can't handle it anymore

AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming ok!!111 if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!!!11 omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!!!1 tom fleton is so hot lol i hop harry wil bekum gofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!!!!1111 omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait!!! Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak.

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“Dat’s mi car!!!!” shooted Richard angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz………….Flake!!!!! As stated before he joined in on the sexy sex and after all that hot sexy sexness we all cuddled in a big pile.

Then someone else came out of the car. It was Snape!!!111oneoneone

“I shall free you Loopin but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads.” he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing above us. “Paul Darkness Omnipotentia Landers must be killed. Den the Dork Lord shall never die!!!!”

“You fucking prep!!!” yelled Richard. Then he loked at me sadly. “I forgot to tell u, Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers. Snape made me do it with him. I didn’t really have sexx him but he’s a ropeist!!!! But Flake here is innocent. The time you walked in on us was me and Flake, Snape raped me some time before that and Flake made me feel better! I love him!”

We all put our clothes on quickly except Satan. We were so scarred!!!!1 But Satan didn’t change. Instead he changed into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into………… Voldemont!!!!!!!111

“I knew who thou were all along.” he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. “Now I shall kill thee all!!!!!!” Thunder came in da room. I didn't know who they were but they suddenly fell in love with me and now I love Thunder as well.

“No plz don’t kill us!” pleaded Vampire. Suddenly Willow, Frau Schneider, Diabolo, Ginny, Oliver, Fred and Gorge (who were once Crabbe and Goyle), Hargrid, Professor Schneider, Daddy Till, Serious and Lucian all ran in.

“What is da meaning of dis?” Daddy Till asked all angrily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos daddy Till is da only whizard he is scared of.) He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik.

“Oh my goth!” Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik (and have lost the plot considering he was from the past)

“The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!!!” Snape ejaculated menacingly. Which made no sense because you can't submit to someone when you're dead

“You fucking preppy fags!” Serious shouted angrily.

"You know Serious, that is a very hurtful slur and you shouldn't say that." I said sadly. He apologized and we ran away for a quicky because that's how I roll. After we were done we came back while he put his schlong back into his you know what.

“I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!!!” screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Richard’s car. It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.

“Oh my fucking god!!!1” I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Richard and the video of Satan doing it with an owl

“If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton.” He laughed meanly.

“No!” I scremed. “FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Loopin!!!!11”

“Whats she talking abott??????” Lupin slurped as he sat in chains.

“I saw 2 she’s gunna show evry1 da picter!!!111” Harry shouted angrily.

“Shut up!!!111’” Lumpkin roared.

“Foolish ignoramuses!!!!!!” yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. “Thou shall all dye soon.”

“Think again you fucking muggle poser!!!!!1” Harry yelled and then he and Diablo and Navel aka, the one we prefered to call Oliver both took out blak guns! But Voldimort took out his own one.

“U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!!!!!!!111” I shouted despariedrly.

"Acco virgae Oliverii!!!11" Voldrimort clamavit et subito virga Oliverii in manibus erat. "Nunc omnes te necabo et Paulum Tenebrae Alzheimer Birdflu Landers morieris!!!!!!!!!11111"

He maid lighting come all over da place.

“Save us Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers!” Daddy Till cried.

I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Richard but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.

“ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!!!!!!!11111” I shooted and everyone died.

THE END!!!

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 43, fucking hell

AN: I fink after dis I wil hav abott 2 or three mor chapterz. Fangz 2 all muh revyooers not das flamers if u flamed sis story den u suk!!!!!!!!!111111 if u flam den fukk u!!!111

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I walked sexily into the Great Hall. It was empty except for one person. Richard was there!! He sat der in deddly bloom in his blak 666 t-shirt and his baggy blak pants. He had slit his wrists!!!!!111 I felt mad at him for having sexwith Snape but I felt sorry for him. He looked just like Gerard Way with his red eyes and his pale white face.

“Richard are you okay????” I asked.

“I’m not okay.” he screamed depressedly. I thought of the MCR song nd I got even more depressed koz that song always makes me cry. I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it. Clearly showing that I know about drugs

“Oh Richard why did you do it with that fucking bastard Snape?” I asked teardully.

“I-” Draco began to say but suddenly Lupin and Mr. Norris appearated in2 da room!! They didn’t see us.

“Im so glad we me and Snape were freed.” said Loopin.

“Dam, this job would be great if it wasn’t 4 da fukking students!” Mr. Norris argreed. "I mean, meow"

“Pop addelum!!!!!111” I yielded angrily pointing my wand at them. A rain of papadums started. "Whoops, wrong spell"

“Noooooooo!!!!1” Lupin shouted as chains came on him. Mr. Norris ran away.

“You fukking perv.” I said laughing wiv depths of evil and depressedness in my voice. “Now u have 2 tell us where Voldimort is or I’m gong 2 torture u!!!!”

“I don’t now where he is!!!!1111” said Loopin. Suddenly Satan and Vampire ran in2 da room. Vampir didn’t know who Satan was really.

“Oh my satan, we were so worried about u guys!!1” Vampire said. I looked sexily at Richard with his goffik red eyes with contacts, blak t-shirt that said 666 on it and pale skin like Gerord Way, Vampir with his sexy blak hair and red eyes just like Frank Iero and Satan who looked jist like Brandan Urie then.

I selectively took the caramel from my pocket. And then….. I began frenching Richard sexily. Loopin gasped. Richard began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack. Then Vampire took his own clotes off too. We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my blak leather bra, my blak lace thong and the rest of my clothes. Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im a girl lol. “Oh mi satan!! Richard!!!!” I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Harry. He had two hardnessess. I began making out wiv Satan and he joined in. “OMS!!!111” cried Vampire. “Oh Vampire! Vampire!!!” I screamed screamed. “Oh Satan!!!!!” yelled Harry in pleasore. Loopin watched in shock. Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists. Suddenly……………………………..

………….a big blak car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Snap wuz in it!!!!!!!

"I am still not Snape, I am Flake and I want in on the hot sex orgy porn!" he screamed. We let him join because he was so hot and lanky. He could bend in all the right directions and the sexy sex thing was even better because of it.

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 42, JK Rowling is afraid of ham

AN: omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!!!1111. I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!!!!!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111 omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it?? If dey don’t den JKR is hamophobic!!!!!111111 fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!!!111

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I sat depressedly in Daddy Till’s office wiv Hedwig, Satan, James, Serious, Snap and Lucian. Daddy Till was sitting in front of us cruelly. He looked more young den he did in da future. He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty Avril Levine song. Hedwig couldn't take it anymore and flew around the office.

“What da hell is this anyway??” he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn’t find out dat I was frum another time. Even though I had already told everyone that I was from a different time, they had children and those kids could just not keep their hands off me. I had not exactly been subtle about the time travel at all! AT ALL!!!!!

“Whatever u do don’t blame Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers, u jerk.” Satan said. "Nothing bad that ever happens is her fault!"

“Yah, siriusly she was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together.” Serious said deviantly.

“Be quiet you Satanists.” Daddy Till cockled. “If ur lucky I’ll probably send u all to Akazaban!!! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall.” He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n’Sync song. Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly chonging! Daddy Till didn’t notece. He was too busy cockling secretly behind his desk. I knew he loves me too.

“You fucking poser.” I muttoned.

“I bet you’ve never herd of GC.” James said. Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly’s tim machine!!!!!11

“Shut up Jomes!!!” Richard's dad shouted. Well, not dad I guess. Not yet. But he knows that

“Yeah shut up!!!!” Snake said preppily.

“No u shut up Daddy Till!!!!!!!!1111” said Tom.

“I’ve had enough of u Satanists in my school!!!!” shouted Daddy Till spuriously.

Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him. “Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8!!! I jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person jumpd in. It was……..Satan.

“You dunderheads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111” screamed Daddy Till wisely as we went.

I looked around. I wuz in da Slitherin conmen room wiv Satan. I was wearing a blak plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnetz, a sexy blak MCR corset and blak stiletto boots with pink pentagroms on dem. My earrings were blake Satanist sins and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black.

“Hey kool where iz dis?” he asked in an emo voice.

“Dis is da future. Daddy Till’s iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a tim machine.” I told him.

“Kool what’s an ipatch?” he whimpered.

“It’s somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music.” I yakked.

“OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?” he esked in his sexah voice.

“Um I guezz sand????” I laid confuesdly.

“Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon.” He triumphently giggled.

Suddenly some of my friends walked in.

“OMG you’re fucking alive!” said Ginny wearing a blak leather jocket, blak baggy pants and a goffik black Frum First to Last shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive. And why she was in the story. And why she suddenly liked me. And where she had been all this time. And that she was totally not some rando who just showed up because I had a fight with my friend again and I needed a stand in. She was made of cardboard.

“Konichiwa, bitch.” said Willow. She was wearing a blak corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it she waz wearing a blak leather miniskirt, big blak boots, white foundation, blak eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and blak lipstick.

“Hey, motherfucker.” Said Diabolo with his red hair. He waz wearing a black P?ATD t-shit and blak baggy pants.

“Hey whose that, Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Raven Face Landers?” Frau Schneider questioned as she walked in wearing a black t-shit with a red pentarom on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pants with blak lace, and black stolettoes.

“Oh its Satan.” I told her and she nodded knowing da truth.

Suddenly Satan started to cry.

“Are you okay Satan?” we asked concernedly.

“OMFG ur from da future!!1! What if u don’t like m anymore koz were from difrent times?????” he asked.

“No I still like you.” I said sexily to him.

“Ok.” He said ressuredly. I let him lizzen 2 Teenagers by MCR on my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz. I gave Diabolo a signal to keep Satan occupied. Satan fell asleep. Diabolo was the most boring person in the school and only there when I needed a stand in for Richard or Vampire. Much like his sister. I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Profesor Sinister ran in!!!!!!!1111 She was wearing a gothic blak minidress with depressing blak stripes, white and blak stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of blak iliner.

“Oh my fucking god, where’s Richard!!!!111 How did Snap get back here!!! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan.” I asked sadly.

“Paul Darkness Alzheimer Omnipotentia Landers I was so worried abott u but I know you can’t fucking die because you’re a vrompire. Even though you have died like 7 times already but I guess some people just won't die. Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. I never liked her she was a bad student. For no reason whatsoever and we just need someone to bitch at so that one person you know in your life had to do” Trevolry said reassuredly.

“That bitch!!!!!!!11 Did she also free Hargrid and Loopin?” I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep. No reason as to why whatsover

“Yes they are on the loose at this school. Daddy Till is back Cornelia is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!!!!!!” Trevolry said worriedly.

“OK. But where’s Richard???? How cum he was doing it with Snap?????”

“I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill urself.” she said. "Also that wasn't Snape, that was the nice one, Flake. Snape is the evil one and he has been posing as Professor Flake all this time!"

“OMG dat’s terrible!!!!!!!!” I gasped. Satan was still asleep, so he couldn’t tell what was going on. Then I said “Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!!!!!!!!!” wiv dat I ran out.

“Good luck Yoda!!!!!!!11” everyone cried.

I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer. On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. She looked jest like a pentagram of those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan.

“You fucking bitch!!!!!111” I shouted angrily.

“No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!” she laughed.

“Crucious!!!!!!!!!1” I shouted selectively pontificating my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically. (pontificating is a hard word and definitely used wrong here)

“No!!!!!!1 Help me!!!!!!1 Please!!!!!!!!1” Britney screamed terrifiedly.

I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw da video camera Snape and Lumpin had used to take da video of me. I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Hedwigg onto it. Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Vampire Potter. “OMG Vampira!!!!111” I yielded.

There was a magical cow in the great hall. We hugged each udder happily. He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes and spiky blak hair. Around them were blak eyeliner and iShadow, the newest product from Apple. His He wus wearing a blak leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Panik at da Disko concert shirt and his blak congress shoes. He looked mor like Joel from Good Charlote than ever. (did u hear der song da river it rox!!!1)“I wus so worried you died!” moaned Vampire.

“I know but Im a vampire lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me.”

“Where’s Richard?” I asked spuriously.

“Richard? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you?” Vampir snarkled with anger in his sexy voice.

“I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM.” I SED SMARTY.

“I’ll do it den.” Harry said angstily.

“OK.” I argreed. Suddenly……….all da lights in da room went out. And den…….da Dork Mark appeared.

“Oh my fucking satan!!!!!” Harry shouted.

“I fink Voldimort has arrivd.” I sed anxiously. “Fuck, I have to find Richard!!1 I guess we shood separate.”

“Ok.” Vampire sed diapperating. Sadly I ran into the Great Hall.  

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 41, porn = love

AN: 2 every1 hu kepz flaming diz GIT S LIF!!!!! I bet u proly odnt no hu gerod way is ur proly al prepz and pozers!!!!!!!!11111 neway sum1 hakked in2 mi akkount in November and dey put up my last chaptah but now der is a new 1. im surry 4 nut updating g 4 a while but ive been rilly bizzy. im trying 2 finish da story b4 da new movie kumz out. Im gong on vacation 4 a mons I wont be bak until abott 2 weeks. OMFG drako iz so hot in all da pix 4 da new movie!!!111 I wunted dem 2 put a kameo by geord way lol he hsud play drako. if u flame ill slit muh risztz!!!!!!!!11 raven u rok gurl hav fun in ingland.

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When I wook up I wuz in a strange room. I loked around I wuz wearing da same outfit I had when is performed wif XBlakXTearX!!!!!11 I looked arund confusedly. It wuz da Norse’s office but it looked difrent!! On da wall wuz a pik of Marlyin Munzon!!!1111 (just imagin dat he is an 80s goffik band 2 ok koz he is more old den panic?! at da dizcko or mcr) der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. On it said ‘1980.’

“OMFG!!! Im back in Tim again!!!!111” I screamed loudly. Suddenly Satan(dis is actually voldimort 4 photo refrenss!). Voldimort wuz wearing a blak leather Jackson, blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz. He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy!!!!11

“OMFG Paul Shadow Omnipotentia Raven Face Landers r u ok.” He asked gothikally.

“Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation.” I snapped sexily. “OMG am I dedd???” koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da bullet from Jame’s gun. I also rememberd cing Richard doing it wif Snap!!!!111

I guessed dat when I had slit mi wrists I had went bak in tim instead of dieing. I knoew I could go forward in time if I found a time-toner or da tim machine.

“No ur not dead.” Satan reassured suicidally as he smokd a cigarette sexily and smoke came all over his face. “Ur a vampire so u kant die frum a bullet. You should know that you can only die from slicing your wrists with a steak. Cum on now lets go c how Hairy’s dad is doing.”

I noo dat da real reason I didn’t die from da ballet was koz I was from da future. “WTF!!!! James almust shot Luciious!!!” I said indigoally. I knew that James had really ben possezzed, but I didn’t want him2 know I knew.

“Yah I know but he had a headache he wz under a lot of stress.” Satan reasoned evilly.

“I guess that’s ok.” I said because James hadn’t really shot Lucian. Also I noo that Lucian wood now have 2 arms instead of 1. I walked seduktivly outside with Satan. Suddeni I saw a totally sexi goffik bi guy!!!!!11 He had bleched blond hair wiv blak streaks up 2 his ears and he wuz wearing goffik blak iliner, a blak Green Day shirt (it showed billy joel wiv bolnd hair since it was da eighties), blak congress shoes and black baggy pants. He walked in all sexly like Gerrd way in the vido for I Don’t 3 u lyk I did yesterday and you cud see a blak tear on his face lyk da wmn in dat video. “Hey.” He sed all qwietly and goffically.

“Who da fuck is that?” I asked angrly cos I did nut kno him.

“Dis is…Hedwig!!!!!!!!!11” Sed Volximort. “He used to be in XBlackXTearX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he broke his arm. Or his wing I guess. He is an owl after all. And a girl. So I guess she broke her wing because she is an owl.

“Hey Hedwig.” I said seductively evn tho I wuz nut tring to b.

“Lol hi stranger I have never met before but I guess because of your immense beauty I shall call Paul Darkness Great Mal Omnipotentia Raven Face Landers.” He answered but then he ran away bcos he had hair of magical creature. Some would call them feathers. He was humming Welcum 2 da Blak Prade under his breth( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok!!)

“Bye.” I sed all sexily.

“Dat was Hedwig. He used 2 b my boifreind but we broke up.” Satan said sadly, luking at his blak nails.

“OMFG I can get u bak 2gether!” I said fingering something I didn’t know wuz in my pocket- a blak Kute is What we Aim 4 cideo ipod that I could take videos wif (duz ne1 elze no about dem??? dey kik azz!!!!).

“Ok u can 4get about ur class for now, Hedwig. Im going 2 show u something grate!!!!1” I led them to da Great Hall. “Cum on u guys.”

Lucian, James, Serious and Snake were all in da Grate Hall. Lucian woudnt talk wiv James because he had tried 2 shoot him.

“Go fuk urself you fukking douche!” he shouted at him. “Richard is never gong 2 b frends with vampire now!!1 Though I have no idea who these two people are anyway because I'm 16 and from a different time!"

“Yah go fuck urself Samaro!” Snape agreed but I noo he wuz lying koz it had been his folt James had almost shot Lucian.

“B quiet u guys.” I said sexily. Mi plan waz working oot great. Now I kood make Voldement good wivout doing it with him! Now Vampire’s dad wood never die and “OK Satan and Hedwig, u guys can start making out.” I said and I started 2 film dem wiv da ipod. Because making a gay porn is totally the way to true love! And if you disagree with this I will bring out the homophone again!

“Kool.” said Serious as Voldemort and Hedwig started 2 make out sexily. We watched as tdey started 2 take each odderz cloves off sexily. Samaro, Serious, Snake and Lucian all watched koz dey wer prolly bi. I noo Snape was bi.

“Oh my fukking god!!!! Voldimort! Voldimort!” screamed Hedwig as his glock touched Voldemort’s.

But suddenly everything stopped as da door opend and in kame………………Daddy Till and Mr. Norris!!!!111111111111  

Daddy Till was carrying Mr. Norris in his arms and stroking him like an evil villain. "What are you doing here?!" I screamed all sexily and suicidally. "Do you think you can just walk in here and expect to be part of this very hot, spontaneous, true love, steaming gay porn scene?" "No Paul Darkness Elementia Raven Face Landers," he said while he was still stroking Mr Norris the cat, "I expect you to die!".

"NOOOooooOOOOooooo!!!!" I screamed, and everything went black again.

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 40, error 404; story not found

I did exactly the same things as in the previous chapter but dumber.

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 39.5, it was fun while it lasted

AN: stfu prepz git a lif!111111 U SUCK!11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 666!111

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I woke up in da Norse’s offace on a special gothik bed. Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite me in a comma coz Vampir and Richard had bet him up. Mr. Noris was cleaning the room. Which was very impressive for a cat.

“Oh mi satan wut happened!” I screamed. Suddenly Volxemort came. He loked less mean then usual.

“Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11” I yielded.

“Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11” he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective.

“Volxemort? OMFG what’s wrong!111” I asked.

Sudenly………. Lucian, Profesor Sinister and Serious came! Frau Schneider and Vampire were wif dem. Every1 was holding blak boxez. VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD.

“OMFG Paul Darkness Shadow Raven Buttface McGee Landers ur alive!111” Scremed Vampire. I hugged him and Frau Schneider.

“What the fuk happened?” I asked dem. “Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now?” I gosped.

“Paul Darkness Omnipotentia Landers u were totally shot!11” said Serious. “But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time. And vampires can only be killed by steaks and not bullets. Bet you forgot about that one huh?”

“But fangz anyway!1” said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!

“OMG I cant beleve Vampirz’ dad shot u!1” I gasped.

“Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den.” said James.

“Yah he wuz a spy and posessed by himself somehow. That probably explains why there are sometimes two of him.” Serious said sadly. “He wuz really a Death Dealer.”

“And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11” said Lucian. “He didn’t even realy no hu GC were until I told him.” Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. I was opening a blak box wif red 666s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz.

“You didn't give me a chance to explain yet but there aren't two Snapes. One of them is the good one called Flake and the evil one is his evil twin! But anyway... Hey haz aneone fuking seen Richard?” I asked gothikally.

“No Richard told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax.” said Profesor Trevolry. “He duzzn’t know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1”

I got up suicidally. Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left. I wuz wearing a blak leather nightgun. Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra trimed wif blak lace, with a matching thong that said goffik dumbass on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don’t get da idea massage me ill tell u). I put on a blak fishnet top under a blak MCR t-shirt, a blak leather mini with blak lace and congress shoes. I left the hospital’s wings wif Frau Schneider, Willow and Vampire.

“OMFG letz celebrate!11” gasped Willow.

“We can go c Hose of Wax wif Richard!1” giggled Vampire.

“Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11” said Frau Schneider. We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den………..I gasped……………………………………… Richard wuz there doing it wif Flake!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz.

“U fucking prep!11” we all yielded angrily.

“Yah u betrayed us!111” shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun.

“No u don’t understand!1” screamed Richard sadly as he took his thingie out of Flake. "He's the nice one and I was bored!"

“No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111” said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1). I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out.

“Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers no!11111” screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again.

I guess steaks are very sharp and dangerous. So be very careful if you're preparing dinner. Just remember: Steak with the S for sharp. Knife with the K for K to handle in unsafe ways.

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 39, either the writing has gotten better or this is the hacker chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own the HP series and I am not the real XXXbloodyrists666XXX.

AN// I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl, I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh.

And I present to you MY crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skip over to skim chapter 38.) Flame, laugh, do whatever you want "preps."

I, the American retail wearing british-german vampire Sue, coughed up blood.

Satan kneeled down beside me.

"Noooooooooooooooo! Don't die!"

I gave him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fufill my duty as the noble gothic Mary Sue."

Satan sobbed. "I love you Paul Darkness Omnipotentia Brick Face Landers."

"I love you two. I'll...I'll see you in hell." I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to black.

Frau Schneider suddenly popped into the room for no apparent reason. She frowned when she realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers' lifeless body, she screamed. Her face became pale with horror. She screamed for the healers, Daddy Till, Mcgoogle, and every single gothic person she could think of. It was a long, long, long, long, long, list. Still not sure why her parents old neighbours were here.

Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers. Everyone stared in shock. Her body started to lift ever so slowly and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate.

When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to rescue the body, but it was too late, the Sue became nothing more then a pile of ashes.

A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!!" filled the room.

A flash of white light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. Everyone cowered in fear and were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed.

All the silly goth clothes dropped from everyone's bodies (AN//I will refuse to explain how the hell that happened. EN: thank goodness because I don't want to know) and, in their place, clothes the characters would normally wear in canon appeared on their bodies.

When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of the gofick power, everybody cheered. Everyone started singing 'Ding dong the sue is dead...' Well, that is, until all the HP characters realized the true implications of becoming more canon like again.

All the characters who were supposed to be dead fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. Harry and Voldemort started dueling. On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax.

And, because the replacement author also likes to screw around with canon, Richard and Frau Schneider fled the scene and got married.

Meanwhile...

Down in hell, Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers shed a single tear because of her current situation. A situation that would live on for all eternity. Or at least until the end of fanfiction time.

She lost it all, but she knew she had to remain strong. Nothing would ever break her down.

She looked down over her pale body, and frowned. 'Where are my emo clothes?' She asked herself in confusion.

And then it occured to her...

For her shirt, she was wearing a bright pink polo with a little seagull on the (right or left? I can't remember) side. Below that, she was wearing a denim miniskirt with the "destroyed" look on it. Paired underneath that skirt were leggings with a little moose at the bottom. And then Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers realized, on her shoulder, she was carrying a pretty bag with an eagle on it that said Live Your Life written all over the bag.

Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers supressed the urge to scream. Here she was decked out in clothes prep to the extreme wearing stuff from Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle, AND Hollister.

Panicked, Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers hastily tried to take off the Hollister polo, but underneath it, there was another Hollister polo underneath. Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers frowned, and looked under her shirt. All she saw was a bra underneath (dare I point out it's from the Aerie line available at American Eagle?). Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers tried to remove the shirt again. But to her frustration, there was yet again another polo to replace it. Every polo more preppy and pink than the last.

"THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!!" Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers bellowed out to the air. She failed to see the irony in her statement, how hypocrytical her words were, seeing as she was practically calling the kettle black here.

Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers slit her writs and mumbled to herself, "Omigod."

/End Crap Fic.

AN// Oh yeah, if you wanna see the original content this chick had planned for this chapter, I accessed it through the document manager thingy, which I copied and pasted, so you can read it tomorrow

Editors Note: Thank you to whoever added the smallest bit of sanity to my perfect hell. I wish the whole "story" would've ended here but then again, I can't live without Daddy Till, Evil Twin of Flake, Sometimes Flake, Frau Schneider, Oliver Who Was Once Named Navel, Richard and Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers.

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 38, I think we're back to Paul's POV? But it can be Richard's if you want.

AN: wut doez every1 fink if I end da strory and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation? oh yah asnd prepz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quiz ok den u wil c if ur gofik or not!1111111

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Satan and I walked 2 his car. It wuz a blak car wif pentagrams all over it. On da license plate said 666 just lik Richard’s car. I went in it seduktivly. Stan started 2 drive it. We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan), kuttting, musik and being goffik.

“Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot!11” Volxemort agreed as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy)

“Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena.” I said in a flirty voice. “……….Hey Satan do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Volxemortseruem?”

“Well………………” he thought. “I fink u have 2 drink Vampire blod.”

Suddenly Volxemort parked da car behind a blak movie theater. Satan and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist. In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came lol. Satan and I laughed at da blood koz we’re sadists.

While Satan was watching da movie, I had an idea. I took Satan’s gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar sexily from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it. I put it bak in his blak Emile the Strange bag. Satan turned arund and started 2 smoke it. Blak cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere.

“OMG!111” Satan said jumping up. I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd. “Paul Darkness Omnipotentia Crow Butt Troglodyte Landers gess what?”

I new that the amnesia had worked.

“Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work.” He said. “2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u.”

“Kul. So how do you know about it then?” I raised my eye suggestingly. And den………. he tok of my cloves sexily and we started 2 make out. I tok of his shit. He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11 We frenched.

“Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111” shooted da lady behind us she was a prep.

“Fuk u!11” I said. Suddenly…………………. I attaked her suking all her blood.

“Noooooo!11” she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether. Satan and I started to walk outside. It was getting very smelly in there anyway so it was time to go (get it? because they crapped and I'm so goffik)

“Zomg how did u do that?” Voldremort asked in a turned-on voice.

“I’m a vampire.” I said as we went into the car.

“Siriusly?” he gasped.

“Yah siriusly.” I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily. A side effect of so many people crapping together

“Itz too bad we didn’t get 2 c da rest of the movie, don’t u fink?”

“Yah.” I said as we kised passively. Satan parked in a blak driveway next 2 da place where Richard and I had watched GC for the frist time. We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol.

“Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist Superstar!1111” screamed Marlin on da stage. We did the devil fingers. I started 2 dance really close to Satan. He was so shmexay!1 He looked at me all emo with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Milkey Way. I almost got an orgaism!1 Suddenly Marylin Mason stopped singing.

“I wood like to peasant……………..XBlakXTearX!11” he said. I ran onstage. Lucian, Samaro, Snap and Hades were there. They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag.

“Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111” I sang. (I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song) My voice sounded lik a pentagram betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy. Everyone clappd. Satan got an eructation. “I’M NUT OKAY!1” I sang finaly. Suddenly Lucian started playing da song wrong by mistak.

“OMFG!1” yielded James. “Wut the fuck?”

“Woops im sory!” said Lucian.

“You fuking ashhole!1” James shouted angrily.

“U guys are such prepz!11” Snap said. “Cum on it wuz a mistake!1”

“Yah itz not his fault!11” said Serious.

“No he ruined the fucking song!1” yelled Samaro.

“U guys stop!11” I shotoed angrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Samaro took out hiz nife.

“OMFG no!11” shouted Lucan but it wuz 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm.

And den……………………………I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11

“No!111” yielded everyone but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went blak.

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 37, this is Richards POV and shit is about to get even weirder.

AN: OK EVRYBODY IM GONG ON VOCATION ON DA FRIST OF JULY SO IM EEDER GONNA END DA FIK OR UPDAT IT IN WEEX. fangz!1 oh yah nd prepz stop flaming sa story!11 raven fangz 4 da help c ya gurl afta vocation!11

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RICHARD’S PONT OF VIEW LOL

Vampire and I chaind Hairgrid 2 da floor.

“Oh mi fucking satan!11” Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers said. She wuz so hot. “Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Satan foll in love wif me faster!1”

“But u r so sexy and wonderful aneway Tata,” said Vampire. “Why would u need it?”

“To make everyfing go faster lol.” said Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers.

“But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?” I asked jelosly.

“I am here too and OMFG u guyz r so scary!11” said Britney, a fucking prep.

“Shut the fuk up!1” said Willow.

“Ok well anyway lets go 2 Profesor Trevolry’s room.”

Richard, Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers and I went to Profesor Siniater’s room. I don't know how I'm here twice but sure. But Profesor Sinister wasn’t there. Instead Tom Rid was.

Oh hi fuckers he said. Lizzen, I got u sum kewl new clovez.

I took out da cloves from da bag. It was a goffik blak leather miniskirt that said ‘Booty Slut’ on da bak, black stilton bootz, blood red fishnetz and a blak corset.

“OMG fangz!” I said hugging him in a gothic way. I took da clothes in da bag. I love dressing in drag!

“OK Profesor Sinister isnt hr what the fuk should we do?” asked Richard. Suddenly he loked at a sign on da blak wall.

“Oh my fuking satan!1” I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik she is in Azkhabian now. Classes shal be taught by Daddy Till who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge.

“OMFG!111” I shoted arngrily. “How could they do that!11”

Suddenly Daddy Till came.

“WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1” he began to shoot angrily. Sudwenly I saw Morty Mcfly’s blak tim machine!111 I jumped seductivly in2 it leaving Richard and Vampire. Sudenly I wuz back in tim!11 I looked around. It was……………Profesor Slutborn’s efface! I sneaked around. Suddenly I saw da Amnesia potion on his desk. It wuz blak wif blood-red pentagramz in it. It was the shape of a cross. I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz……..Profesor Slutgorn!11

OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don’t kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY.

“Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class.” you said finally hoping he couldn’t c da potion in ur pocket.

“Oh ok u can go now.” said Profesor Slutborn.

You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. Silas, Samaro and Snap were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR.

“Oh hi you guys.” I said seductively. “Wheres Satan?”

“Oh he’s cumming.” said Serious. “BTW u can kall me Hades now.” Suddenly Satan came. He was wearing a smexxy blak leather Jackson, blak congres shoes, a Slipnot t-shirt and a blak tie.

“Ok I will see you guyz at da concert.” I said and then I went with Satan. 

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 36, I have officially lost the plot

AN: I sed stop flaming ok!111111111 I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz!111 ps PORTERSUZ UR A PREP!1 o ya nd fangz 2 raven 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111

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I loked around in a depresed way. Suddenly I saw Profesor Sinister. Frau Schneider, Socrates and Richard, Vampire and Willow were their to. Socrates left, saying something about knowing that he knows nothing and material possessions are not worth it or something. He doesn't know what he's talking about, possessions are great and I love all my demon friends. Because I'm goffik

“OMFG Sorius I saw u nd Samaro and Snip nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Snap uzd 2 b goffik!111111”

“Yah I no.” Serious said sadly.

“Oh hey there bitch.” Profesor Trevolry said in an emo voice dirnking some Volxemortserom.

Hi fuker.” I said. “Lizzen, Satan asked me out to a gottik cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I’m playng in a gothic band so I need an ootfit for that too.”

“Oh my satan!1” (geddit lolz koz shes gofik) gasped Frau Schneider. “Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?”

“OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11” said Profesor Trevolry.

“I can’t fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first.” said Willow.

“Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum anymore nd also………….sum luv potion 4 Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers.” Richard said resultantly.

“Well we have potions klass now.” Willow said so let’s go.

We went sexily to Potionz class. But Snap wasn’t there. Instead there was…………………………………………Cornelio Fuck!11111

“Hey where the fuck is Daddy Till!111” Richard shouted angrily.

“STFU!1” shooted Cornelia Fuck. “He is in Abkhazian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer. “Now do ur work!111”

My friendz and I talked arngrily.

“Can you BELEVE Snap used to be gottik!1” Vampire asked surprisedly.

“DATZ IT!11” CORNELIO FUK SHOOTED ARNGRILY. “IM GETTING PROFESOR BRIDGE!111”

He stomped out angrily.

Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some blod mixed wif beer. Suddenly I saw Hargrid in da cupboard.

“WTF is he doing?” I asked. Then I looked at Richard. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. Suddenly……………“HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11” he shooted.

I looked around…………….Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Richard and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily.

“God u r such a posr!1” I shooted at Hairgrid. Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was………………Amnesia Portion!111 

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 35, Rick and Morty are here as well?

AN: fangz 2 suzi 4 da idea!1 u rok! fuk of prepz!11111111 fangz 2 raven 4 di help u rok gurl!1 ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sun so FUK U!111 oh yah nd if u no eny gofik namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 serius!1 fangz.

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I went in2 da Conmen Room finking of Satan. Suddenly I gasped………………..Richard wuz there!111

I grasped. He locked as hut as eva werring blak ledder pants, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner.

“Richard what da fuk r u dong!111111” I gosped.

“Huh?” he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn’t Richard. It was Lucan!1 He stil had two arms.

“Oh hi Lucian!1” I sed. “Im Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Omnipotentia Great Mal Raven Face Landers the new student lol we shook handz.”

“Yah Satan told me abot you.” Lusian said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting. It wuz Serious, Vampire’s dad and………………Snap! All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. “Lizzen I’m in a goth band wif those guys.” he said. “Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up.

ORLY I ESKED.

“Yeah.” he said. “Were calld XBlakXTearX. I play teh gutter. Spartacus plays da drums” he said ponting to him. “Snap plays the boss. And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after Samara in da ring.”

“Hey bastards.” I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. “But don’t u have a lead singer!” I asked. Lucian looked dawn sadly.

“We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by silting her rists.”

“Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1” I gasped.

“Its okay but we need a new led snigger.” Samaro said.

“Wel………..I said Im in a bnad myself.”

“Rilly?” asked Snap. I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffik!111

“Yeah were called Blody Gothik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?”

Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11) Gurn Day.

“I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz.” I sang sexily (I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song).. Every1 gasped.

“Paul Darkness Omnipotentia Crow Butt Landers? Will u join da band? Plz!1” begged Lucian, Samoro, Serious and Snap.

“Um…….ok.” I shrugged. “Are we gong to play tonight?”

“Yah.” they said.

“Ok.” I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli!1 He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans.

“What da hell r u dong here!11” I asked.

“I wil help u go frowad in tim Paul Darkness Superfly Landers.” he said siriusly Den……….he took out a blak tim machine. I went in2 it and……………………..sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111 

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 34, wanna go see the exercise?

AN: SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11 u r proly al just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1

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I wook up in da bed de next day. Richard waz gone. I got up and put on a blak tight sexah drsss that was all ripped at da end. There wuz red korset stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth. I pot on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton bo-ots. Suddenly…………………. Sorious cocked on da door. I hopened it.

“Hi Paul Darkness Omnipotentia Raven Road.” he said. “Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 Profesor Sinistor’s office.”

“Ok.” I said in a deprezzd voice. "But can you stop cocking my door? I just cleaned that thing!" I had wanted to fuk Richard or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence. I came anyway.

“So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?” I asked Sorious flirtily.

“I fucking tortured them.” he answered in a statistic way. “They r in Abkhazian now, lol.”

I laughed evilly.

“Where r Richard and Vampira?” I muttered.

“Dey are xcused form skool 2day.” Sodomize moaned sexily. “Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas.”

We went into da office. Proffesor Sinister was there. She was wearing a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic

( http/ She wuz drinking some Volximortserum.

She took out da Pensiv and the time-torner.

“Paul Darkness Great Mal Landers, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited.” she said sadly. “Good luck. Fangz!”

And then……….I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around……………I was in da Grate Hall eating grated cheese. It was the one rule that could not be broken. In the Grate Hall you only eat grated food. It was mourning. I was sitting next to Satan. On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and blak Cronvrese shoes. He looked just like Charlyn Manson. I noticed……he was drinking a portent.

“Whose he!11” I asked.

“Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn.” Satan said. “He’s da Portents teacher…………..Paul Darkness Omnipotentia Raven Face?”

“Yah?” I asked.

“Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat.”

“Yah?”

“Well…...want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?” 

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 33, putting clothes on just to take them off again, again!

AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok if u don’t lik da story den ur a prep so fuk u flamerz!1111 ps im nut updating ubtil u giv me fiv god reviewz nd diz tim I men it!111111 U SUK!1111 fangz raven 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1

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“Oh my fuking god!1” I shooted sadly. “Shud we get u 2 St Manga’s, bitch?”

“Hel no!” she said. “Lizzen Egogy, I need ur help. Nex tim u go bak in tim, do u fink u kod ask Tom Andorson 4 sum help?”

“Sure, but my name isn't Lizzen Egogy." I said sadly. It must be the curse, that thing is tenacious if anything and my beauty is just so great that people keep forgetting my name. Must be because I'm so goffik. I went outside the door. Richard was there!111 He wuz wearing a big blak GC tshit which wuz his panamas.

“Hey Sexxy.” I said.

“How’d it go Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers?” he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Gerard Way when hes talking.

“Fine.” I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 da dorm.

“How far did u go wif Satan?” Richard asked jealously.

“Not 2 far, lol.” I borked.

“Will you hav to do it with him?” Richard asked angstily.

“I hop not 2 far!111” I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry. We frenched.

“What happened 2 Snipe?” I growled.

“U will see.” Richard giggled mistressly. He opened a door……………Snap nd Lumpkin werz there!11 Serious waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a blak nife.

“NOOOO PLZ!1111” Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically. I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz). We took sum of Snipe’s blod den Richard and I went bak 2 our roomz. We sat on my goffik blak bed. My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a blak leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. (if u haven’t herd of it den FUK U!111) . I put on some blak platform high heelz. Richard put on ‘desolition liverz’ by MCR. Den………………………………………….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. I felt pretty stupid talking about how I was going to put on a carefully planned outfit just to immediately take it off again. I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy.

“Oh Richard!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Richard!1111” I screemed passively as he got an eructation.

“I luv u TaEbory.” he whispred sexily and den he fel aspleep lol.

"Wow, I literally fucked his brains out!" I thought as I drifted off to sleep.

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 32, Tom Bombadil was a mistake! His parents said so!

AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt tom bodil dat wuz a mistak!1111 if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111

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“Hi.” I said flirtily. “Im Paul Landers da new student.” I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him.

“Da name’s Tom.” he said. “But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam”

We shok hands. “Well come on we have 2 go upstairs.” Satan said. I followed him. “Hey Satan……..do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?” (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) I asked.

“Oh my fuking god, how did u know?” Satan gasped. “actually I like gc a lot too.”(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that’s ounded really 80s)

“omg me too!” I replied happily.

“guess what they have a concert in hogsment.” satan whispered.

“hogsment?” I asked.

“yeah that’s what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000.” he told me all sekrtivly. “and theres a really cool shop called Hot-“

‘topic!” I finshed, happy again.

He froned confusedly. “noo its called Hot Ishoo.” He smiled skrtvli again. “then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic.” he moaned.

“ohh.” now everything was making sense for me. “so is Daddy Till your princepill?” I shouted.

“uh-huh.” he looked at his black nails. “im in slitherin’”

“OMfG SHME TOO!” I SHRIEDKED.

“u go to this skull?”(geddit cos im goffik) he asked.

“yah that’s why im here im NEW.” I SMELLED HAPPili.

Suddenly Daddy Till flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding at us angrily. “NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!” he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. “STUPID GOFFS!”

satan rolled his eyes. “his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we’re in slytherine and we’re not preps.”

I turned around angrily. “actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord.”

“wtf?” he asked angrily.

“oh nuffin.” I said sweetly.

then suddenlyn………………. the floor opened. “OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly.”

“hey where r u goin?” satan asked as I fell.

I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry’s classroom. Daddy Till wuz dere. “Daddy I think I just met u.” I said.

“oh yeah I rememba that.” Daddy Till said, trying to be all goffik.

sinister came in. “hey dis is my classroom wait wtf Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers what da hell r u doing?” ”um.” I looked at her.

“oh yeaH I forgot bout that.”

“wth how?” I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. but shes a goff so its ok.

professor sinster looked sad. “um I was drinking voldemortserum.” she started to cry black tears of depression. Daddy Till didn’t know about them.

“hey r u crying tears of blood?” he asked curiously, tuching a tear.

“fuck off!” we both said and Daddy Till took his hand away.

professor sinster started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. “omfg Paul Darkness Omnipotential Great Mal Landers…I think im addicted to Voldemortserum.”

AN: SEE U FOKKING PREPZ GO FOK URSELXXZ DATZ SERUS ISSUZ 2O GO 2 HELL!1111112 

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 31, if you were confused be ready for even more!

AN: I sed shut da fok up u quiephs!111 stop kalin ebony a mary su ok u dnot even no wutz gong 2 happen ok so fuk u!1111 fangz 2 muh bff raven 4 di help!1111

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“I always knew u were on Voldemort’s side, you sun of a bitca (bufy rox!111).” Serious said 2 Snape.

“No I’m not I was teaching them somefing!1” Snap clamed.

“Oh fucking yeah?” I took some blak Volremortserum out of my poket and gave it to Flake. He made Snap dirnk it. He did arngrily. Then Luscious took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snap. Then Proffesor Sinister and Lucian made us get out wif them while Snape told his secretes. Lucian took Vampure and Richard to the nurse after thanking me a millon times. Profesor Trevolry took me to a dark room. Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce Volxemort. Moving posters of MCR and Nrivana were all over. Frau Schneider, Oliver and Willow came too. Frau Schneider gave me a blak bag from Tom Rid’s store.

“Whatz in da bag?” I asked Profesor Trevolry.

“U will c.” she said. I opened thee bag. In it was a sexy tite low-smut black leather gothic dress. It had red korset stuff and there was a silt up da leg. I put it on. My frendz helped me put on blak fishnetz and blak pointy boots Willow had chosen. Willow and Oliver helped me put on black eyeliner and blod-red lipshtick.

“You look fucking kawaii, bitch.” Frau said.

“Fangs.” I said.

“Ok now you’re going to go back in tim.” said Proffesor Sinister. “U will have to do it in a few sessionz.” She gave me a blak gun. The pink Hello Kitty ones were sold out and this particular store didn't have a huge range of colors. I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Redisnet Evill. Then she gave me a black time-tuner. “After an hour use da time torner to go back here.” Proffesor Trevolry said. Then she and Frau Schneider put a Pensive in front of me. Every1 went in front of it.

“Good luk!1” Everryone shooted. Oliver and Willow gave me deth’s touch sin. Then……….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive.

Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was…………………….Tom Bombodil!1111 

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 30, watch out for the Dork Mark!

AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok!1111 so FUL U!111 if u flam u wil be a prep so al flamerz kan kiss muh ass!111 soz 4 soz 4 sayin alzhimers is dongerous but datz da mysteries opinin koz sosiety basically sux. fangz 2 raven u rok bich!111

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“No!11” we screamed sadly. Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly. Then…………………… he came tords Richard!1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Richard and nit a candle.

“What the fuck r u doing!” I shooted arngrily. Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!

He waved his wand and a nife came. He gave da knife 2 me.

“U must stab Vrompire.” he said to me. “If u don’t then I’ll rap Richard!1”

“No you fucking bastrad!1” I yielded.

But den Richard looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. He lookd exactly like a pentragram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair. I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Richard and Daddy Till came and the tame where Richard almost commited suicide and Vampire wuz so sportive.

Snipe laughed angrily. He started to prey to Volxemort. He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Richard and Vampire. Suddenly an idea I had. I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Richard and Vampire so they would destruct Snape.

“Daddy Till will get u!” Richard shooted.

“Yah just wait ubtil da Mystery find out!11” Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand.

“You ridiculus dondderhed!111” Snoop yielded. He took off all of Richard’s clothes. Just as he was about to rape him…………………….

“Crosio!” I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming. Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Serious. I stopped doing crucio.

“You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-” shooted Snape but suddenly Flake came.

Snake put the whip behind his bak. “Oh hello Flake I wuz just teaching them sumthing.” he lied. "You do know I have been here all this time eating the delicious caramels, right?" Flake said. "I know this might be confusing to the reader so I will explain. I happen to have an evil twin and his name is Snape/Snake/Snoop (not that one). I'm just here and snacking on things because Till has told me I need to put on some weight. I do not condone whatever my evil twin is up to but I will just leave him to it." (Editors note: I'm sorry for that part but honest to the gods the story got very confusing here and this would be less confusing than the original where Snape is about to rape Draco and all that shit you just read but suddenly Severus came in. Somehow. I have questions too but at least now I have a chance to make Flake not a horrible person because he deserves better!).

But suddenly Lusian and Profesor Trevolry came in2 da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap. Then Profesor Trevolry said ‘Come on Paul Darkness Omnipotentia Alzheimer Birdflu Grand Mal Landers let’s go.”