#the contrast of it!!! of I don’t do friends being their biggest protector!!!

[fear-ne]

no no no you don’t understand. there is just something about ashton “i punch things for money” greymoore (who has been reduced by circumstance into being a tool for brutality, who has LITERAL stone hands and a glass hammer and a hardened heart, who is the product of years of cycles of violence) taking a look at other people and being ineffably gentle with them

[behindthesoul]

Constricting Bonds

Shang Tsung x gn!reader

Masterlist

Characters - You, Liu Kang

Summary - In the shadowed tapestry of a world where love and darkness entwine, a soul finds itself captivated by the allure of a man steeped in shadows. You, a seeker of light, surrender your heart to a figure whose essence is shrouded in malevolence. As your love blossoms in the moonlit garden of forbidden desires, an impending storm brews on the horizon.

Or - you’re upset your father says no to you dating.

Word Count - 1136

Warnings - none

A/N - Thanks to @zodiacqueen0123 for giving me this idea. <3

“I need freedom now, in this beautiful and mysterious world.”

– Tsunku

I’m A Lady Now!

Sometime in the forgotten, distant past…

Liu Kang’s new era brought many changes; the biggest being his new and very much unwanted godhood. Seeing familiar names with unfamiliar faces took a long time to get used to. He found much comfort in one constant: the sound of a bird. He listened to their cries each morning, sometimes accompanied by his friend Geras, or by a nice cup of tea.

Today he finds himself in an unfamiliar place, walking in a field of trees and enjoying whatever songs the birds decided to sing. It clears the mind and allows him to have a moment of relaxation from his ever so tiring job as Earthrealm’s Protector.

It’s faint, gradual, the new song Liu Kang hears. Contrasting to the birds’ out of key cries, the voice is soft and tiny; qualities he’d give to the voice of a child. The song is beautiful and Liu Kang is surprised to realize it’s one he’s never heard of before. His legs move slowly so as to not interrupt the song and the person who’s singing it. Soon, he approaches you, the small child singing.

“You sing a beautiful song,” he starts, smiling apologetically when you jump, startled. “I can’t say I’ve ever heard it.”

You’re silent, unsure of what to say, if you should say anything at all. Liu Kang speaks again in an attempt to ease your nerves.

"I'd surely remember a face as distinct as yours. You seem out of place. Are you lost?"

You shake your head and continue to stare at him. Liu Kang takes in your appearance: dirty, tattered and torn clothes; a frown that makes his heart hurt. He decides to ask another question in hopes you’ll finally answer him.

“I do hope your parents are around. You should not be out here alone-”

“I don’t have any.” You interject. You stand and dust off your clothes before turning around and walking away. Not wanting a child walking off alone, Liu Kang calls out after you, a rare moment where he speaks before thinking.

"I know a place where you can find refuge, away from the chill of the outside. Warm meals, a shelter, and even clothes are waiting. You're welcome to join me." He extends a kind hand out to you and gives a faint smile. “Forgive me, I’ve gotten too far ahead of myself. I am Liu Kang, may I have your name?”

You’re silent for a few moments more but you do eventually say your name. The strange man in front of you repeats it, testing your name out on his tongue. You finally take his hand. Walking off into the distance with a stranger isn't smart, but you didn't have anything better to do.

So, thus began your relationship with Liu Kang, raised by him and the monks at the Wu Shi. You were trained under many watchful eyes, conditioned to become the best possible warrior. Your proximity to Liu Kang could prove deadly should the wrong person discover your existence - he had to make sure you could defend yourself. It wasn’t long before he learned you weren’t an average child. It took hundreds of years for you to resemble a teenager, hundreds more to reach adulthood. You obviously were not of Earthrealm, yet when asked (questions which forced him to reveal his godhood), you had no knowledge of other realms like Outworld. You were brought to Outworld once and only once; for a Mortal Kombat tournament. He kept you hidden with only Empress Sindel knowing who you were.

Outworld was beautiful, its vibrant colors having an almost psychedelic effect on the brain. It made you feel at home. You suffered through the heartbreak of outliving any friends you made over the years. But Outworld was a place where aging slowed, you felt much more comfortable forming friendships with its residents. It was frustrating how Liu Kang would never let you go. It is far too dangerous to let you go alone, and I prefer you stay in Earthrealm were his favorite excuses. It was the main source of tension in your otherwise peaceful father-child relationship.

“I don’t understand why I can’t visit - just this once!” You remember saying to him. Liu Kang was nursing a cup of tea in his hand. He lets out a barely audible sigh and turns to you, white eyes boring into your skull.

"I have my reasons for not wanting you in Outworld. I truly wish you would understand that my answer is no."

“Name one.”

Another sigh. "Beloved,” - a nickname he grew to love calling you - “I've faced the dangers of Outworld firsthand—the treacherous landscapes, the dark forces that lurk within. I wish to shield you from the perils I've known, the violence that stains its soil, and the political quagmire that engulfs the realm. It's not just my wish; it's my duty as your guardian to ensure you're spared from the harsh realities of a world that I know too well."

You roll your eyes and huff. “I think you’re exaggerating. Sun Do was so beautiful and the festival was lovely. Aside from a small pool, everyone was friendly. What perils do they face?”

“Your eyes have only seen the festival that preceded the tournament. While Outworld has seen a golden age under Empress Sindel’s rule, it does not mean the realm is danger-free.” He does have a point, you have never seen a normal day in Sun Do, but you refuse to back down. You can twist it into furthering your own point.

“You’re right, so allow me to visit Outworld so I can see a normal day. You taught me to defend myself! I’ll be fine.” Liu Kang opens his mouth to respond but you interrupt him. “Besides, I am an adult. I only ask your permission because I cannot open a portal myself…please, I’m begging.”

As silence envelops both of you, he meets your gaze. There's nothing left for you to say; you simply hope he'll give in.

And he does.

“I will send you to Sun Do and you will head straight to the palace to greet the Empress. Wherever you go, I will make sure you’re accompanied by guards. “You visit for a few hours, then you come back to me.”

Your eyes widen and you have to stop yourself from screeching in delight. You hold your composure as best as you can and smile. You hug Liu Kang tight and he returns your embrace. He rubs your back and frowns, though you can’t see. You mumble something but he chooses not to hear; too occupied in his own thoughts.

“My child, just what am I going to do with you?”

[cdd-swag-bracket]

Just wanna add some more stuff to Mikoto Kayano’s description as I don’t feel it did him justice (is this a tournament or something?). And apologies in advance for this being a bit too long

To be clear, Mido doesn’t actually exist and is a fanon character originating from an older theory. Currently we only know of Mikoto and John in the system. It’s also very unclear who is the actual killer but I’ll elaborate on that more. And in Milgram everyone’s a killer so he’s not the only case here.

I really love Mikoto and John and their story so much.

Mikoto is the host alter and the one considered as the prisoner 009. He’s a people pleaser who obsessed with being normal and acceptable to people. He doesn’t inherently understand social concepts and relationships and tries to force himself into such. His whole social attitude is him deliberately acting that way so people can accept him, such as he doesn’t give people nicknames just because he wants to he it’s that he believes it to be a step in order to interact with people well. He’d do anything to please other people even if it makes him uncomfortable. And this habit is breaking him down on the inside along with being stuck in an abusive job.

His obsession with being normal makes him hate John which is really sad. He feels that having DID would make him weird and crazy and completely erase any sort of efforts he made to be normal and socially acceptable and have him be ostracised by everyone, which is sadly the truth in this current world. Because of this he’s scared of John and projects all his sufferings onto him, that he’s deliberately trying to ruin his life and do all these horrible things just for the sake of it. He even blamed John for attacking Mahiru even though it’s extremely obvious that it was Kotoko who did it. Mikoto saw her as a friend even though she really wasn’t and doesn’t want to believe that she did it so he blamed it on John.

I think Mikoto might’ve actually known he was a system for a while as lots of the lyrics in his first trial song, MeMe, seem to imply this. He wants to know why John is like this and is scared of him. And he’s lying to himself and desperately trying to convince himself that it’s not true. Even acting clueless when Es bought it up despite having attempted to talk to John beforehand.

Now for John, he is the protector alter and isn’t considered to be the prisoner. I absolutely love John so much. He’s obsessed with protecting Mikoto to the point he’s ruining his life, just like Mikoto’s obsession with being normal. He’s extremely paranoid of other people, and believes them all to be out to hurt Mikoto. Because of this, he lashed out and acts violently around them to make himself seem more threatening as for them to not go near Mikoto. This is in direct contrast with Mikoto’s behaviour of wanting to be friends with everyone which John is trying to stop as he’s scared for his safety under the belief that other people are dangerous. Even though he’s trying to protect Mikoto from this he’s actually making things worse for him as this is heavily stressing out Mikoto who’s biggest fear is social rejection and could stop someone reaching out to help him. And John knows this. He’s questioning if he’s truly Mikoto’s saviour and has started to believe that he’s ruined his life, for if only he was never born. But his paranoid mindset is inherently rooted into him so he can’t stop behaving this way.

John’s entire identity revolves around him being Mikoto’s protector, so for this it feels to him as his entire duty in life he had failed. His entire life is focused on Mikoto and he believes he can’t be his own person with hopes and dreams because that’d be getting in the way. He also demonised his DID and believes he can’t be a proper person because of that, and believes his condition is what’s making him violent even though it’s truly not, and just has a strong sense of fight or flight.

For his whole life John has never been treated as a person and never treated himself as such, so when in his second trial voice drama, Neoplasm, when Es wasn’t immediately scared of him when John fronted and started threatening Es, he backed down. This was the first time he wasn’t treated as a monster and because of that he dropped his persona and started to reveal his true self. John is a more stoic and rational person and was confused when Es actually accepted him instead of fearing him. It definitely seems he’s been trying to make an effort not to get angry and violet on an impulse as when he got upset and started yelling at Es, he calmed down and started breathing, and tried to talk in a more calm matter. But because of this he said how he wished he had stayed a monster.

And about the whole murder situation. John desperately tries to convince Es that he’s the killer, claiming he just killed a bunch of random people who annoyed him although this statement is very contradictory. When Es started to get suspicious of his statement John immediately doubled down and tried to convince them that Mikoto is weak and innocent and could never hurt anyone and was basically yelling at Es that Mikoto is completely innocent and that he is the murderer.

Even though the story deliberately makes it unclear who did it this behaviour seems to me as John trying to take the blame for Mikoto, as he wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to him because of that. It’s just a theory and it’s a long one but I believe that Mikoto is the killer, and the trauma from the incident along with his denial coping mechanisms lead him to repress the memory. And in the first trial when Es bought up the idea that he may have repressed the memory he started having a panic attack which caused John to switch in.

I really love how Milgram is treating DID with respect in Mikoto’s story and how the murder wasn’t because of his condition, but the result of the situation he was in and all the trauma he was going through, a murder which anyone could commit. There’s also a time where it was implied that they were co conscious in the second trial interrogation questions where at one time the handwriting started changing a lot and becoming more shaky in a style that didn’t fit either Mikoto or John’s regular handwriting. And there was one answer which heavily implied he was disassociating while writing. Mikoto’s story is one that’s easily misunderstood and may initially lead people to believe that Mikoto is the poor victim and John the evil perpetrator. But it makes a lot more sense when you realise that that’s their perspectives and is influencing the narrative. Ah- I might’ve gone on for too long about this I’m just really normal about them ok.

Alright I added a very slightly abridged version of what you said onto the post. Also yeah it's a tournament, it just hasn't been started yet.

[padfootastic]

Ooh, it’s not just how does Sirius react to Snape murdering James and Sirius losing his other half, but how does this later impact the war? There’s no Harry so Neville is the only prophecy child, meaning Voldemort has one single target to go after and who knows if Alice is able to give Neville the same protection Lily gave Harry. Plus, do the Marauders even stay friends or do they crumble apart without James? How does the wizarding world at large react to James Potter being murdered on school grounds? The staff might be crucified because a student developed a deadly spell on their grounds and used it to murder someone and, in contrast to other dangerous events that have occurred at the school, the dead student was a pureblood this time. Does Voldemort or his side take advantage of this, using it to justify their prejudices and to try to show how dangerous outsiders can be since Snape is a half-blood who was raised in the Muggle world (he may have known about magic, but he was raised in the Muggle world)? Do the Blacks take advantage of Sirius’s sudden devastation and grief, because him on the warpath could be twisted to their advantage if they’re clever enough? I can’t wait to read this story

no but that’s what i’m saying!!! james dying feels like. SUCH a major domino falling ykno? on so many different levels. i started this as a oneshot and i don’t know if it’ll go any further than that—maybe as a collection of fics on ao3? note sure—but i think i can talk at length about it in the form of bullet points lmao

i will say, tho, that i think the marauders will entirely crumble without james. they did it at 21, and though there’s no active war, i think it’ll actually be sirius’ grief that’ll be the biggest factor (bc he won’t be able to look past it for a while) and then, peter pulling away (bc i hc him as someone who’ll move from protector to protector and by the end of 5th year, his rat tendencies would’ve been nicely formed so i think he’ll treat it as abandoning a sinking ship sort of a thing). remus and sirius are also,,,fundamentally incompatible, i think, so they won’t be able to last.

it’s interesting about how the murder will be treated by the wizarding world at large because,,,what we know is that usually it’s just. not. it feels like hogwarts has absolutely no oversight bc myrtle died, students were petrified, ginny (a pureblood) was almost believed dead i’d say, draco was attacked, others were killed, students were tortured by umbridge and literally nothing ever happened. but! this is where the power dynamics i mentioned come into play. james might come from a powerful pureblood family who’s not willing to let this lie low, not to mention sirius’ own status and influence, for whatever that’s worth. then there’s sirius personal revenge and what he might do to snape, and what he can get away with doing to snape.

just. so many different paths u can take with this, i think.

[sepublic]

Bessie & MicroAngelo!

           THEY KILLED THE KING OF DEMONS AAAGGGGHHHH-

           In all seriousness, that King cameo is GREAT, and especially in reference to magic as well! Too bad magic just isn’t Anne’s thing, alas… And honestly, I think King would lowkey be flattered to be paid tribute like this; Or high-key, he’s not one for subtlety! But let me tell you, Bernardo was serving LOOKS here; Even if they didn’t fit her, that last suit of golden beetle armor was just… SSSOOOO GOOOD! I know I keep saying it, but Amphibia really manages to land its armor design, it rubs just about everything I love, it’s sleek and ornate… First the Newt guards, and now Anne’s armor! Satisfyingly, it’s from THAT armor that Anne chooses her simple cuirass… But again, that armor is a LOOK, it gives me pure serotonin just looking at, it’s just so COOL and hits all the right spots, the perfect balance between what I like- It’s just GOOD! It just hits right, there’s a certain Je ne sais quoi to it, a distinct style and fashionable, yet sleek and slender and functional, design to it!

           Whoever designs armor and in general outfits for Amphibia, I want to shake your hand…! And I guess Bernardo’s, in-universe and all. He might seem a bit snobby, but he respects and appreciates Anne’s minimalist approach, so I must respect HIM for that as well!

           Oh yeah, we’ve also got Bessie and MicroAngelo… Admittedly, this thread kind of took a backseat for Anne’s fashion show and character development, but I still enjoyed it! I love how droopy Bessie’s design is, and I like that MicroAngelo isn’t just some one-off character for a gag, who inexplicably disappears; Things DO change, the status quo is upended, and the family is growing even bigger! Seeing Anne’s photo tacked onto Bessie’s family photo made my heart melt, and then the MicroAngelo drawing too…!

           Anne wanting to stick to her normal design says a lot about her character, applies to it in very meta ways, etc. She’s the simple, humble one- The one with ties back home, while Marcy and Sasha seem the ones most likely to stay in Amphibia for their own reasons… Marcy for escapism, Sasha for power; And both don’t really show anything else to go back home to! Obviously we don’t get the chance because there’s not as much focus to suggest family… But everything about Sasha screams a toxic family, and Marcy admits to being more or less alone back on earth.

           Anne is the one who remembers her past and cultural ties, she’s got that ‘human’ connection, moreso than her other human friends. And, I love the commentary on her learning to appreciate herself, now that she’s accepted her own faults and mistakes, taking accountability for them as a part of who she is; But still finding hope in herself, that kind of beauty… But also, that makeover montage and the IMPLICATIONS of it was great, and hilarious! However, I do have to wonder if like, the makeovers by Sasha and Marcy are also lowkey symbolic of them having some control over Anne, putting her into a role for their sake… Anne as Marcy’s protector, and as Sasha’s best friend…

           It’s neat to see her acknowledge her lack of clothing change compared to the rest, but how Anne still owns up to it! And yeah, she can wear armor, not just for practicality, but I think because she no longer has to worry about who she is, Anne recognizes that part of herself, so she can freely experiment and play around with it a bit more, while still clearly staying true to herself. I like Anne, it seems she’s always had self-image issues, felt like there was something wrong with herself, that she needed to change and be a chameleon for the sake of others…

           But, she’s begun to learn to be herself more; She learned to acknowledge the good… And with Valeriana’s help, Anne ALSO acknowledged the bad and ugly parts of her as well! She’s fully seen and recognized the entirety of herself, her true self… And this of course means self-acceptance! And small detail, but I love Anne being able to engage in self-reflection through Frobo, it’s adorable and neat how he’s more part of the family and helping Anne with this kind of soul-searching, I like it!

           I like Anne learning to come to terms with herself and accept that, so she can change and improve; And I have to wonder if that contrasts to Marcy and Sasha, who both play roles, perhaps in the wish that they could be someone they’re not… Marcy wanting to be cool and charming, Sasha wanting to be powerful and in control? Anne doesn’t play pretend, she knows who she is, she has the Courage to recognize that. She faced her greatest and most terrifying opponent, herself- Something the others haven’t done so yet, and fitting, for the bravest of the trio! Anne knows who she is and so even if she does add to herself and change, she still clearly retains that connection and memory to her old self, as guidance and consideration for where she came from…

           All in all, a fascinating episode! On the surface just cute hjinx for side-characters, but dig a bit deeper to the TRUE appearance, like Anne, and you get to see the culmination of Anne’s development across two-thirds of the entire show, more or less! I like this talk of self-image and acceptance, and I think it’s neat, especially with how Matt Braly mentioned taking inspiration from his own grandmother’s hair, and how this kind of big, poofy hair in Asians is not something you see a lot! You go, Anne, you go; You’re your OWN F-Anne now, your biggest one, and not even a toxic fan, either! You see and accept and engage healthily with yourself, recognize the flaws, and work with them… Good for you!

[m-y-fandoms]

Korekiyo Shinguuji x oblivious crush reader - short imagine

Request: could i request some headcanons or an imagine (whichever you prefer, i’m not picky lol) for Korekiyo with a crush on an incredibly oblivious female reader who never realizes he’s trying to flirt with her/trying to see if she likes him back? sorry if this is a weird request haha :,)

THIS ISN’T A WEIRD REQUEST, KIYO IS MY BABY DADDY. Also you requested female reader, but I wrote this with a female in mind and then realized I never used any feminine-assigned words or pronouns in here, so anyone can read this with themselves in mind! - Mod Kokichi

Warnings: PG-13 in terms of sexual/romantic scenarios and wording

     “So, in essence, that is why the Egyptians worshipped Hathor, in all her grace and beauty. Isn’t that fascinating, y/n?” Korekiyo mused, watching you carefully as you waltzed through the rows of scrolls and ancient texts in his research lab.

     “Yes, it’s a wonderful story! You really are lucky to have traveled to Eygpt! Heck, I’d never even left Japan until...well coming to wherever we are trapped now. Do you mind?” You pointed to a particularly intricate and elaborate book cover on a high up shelf.

     “Not at all, my dear. Feel free to take any materials from my lab that you wish, as long as you promise I can visit your lab freely as well?” You let the words ‘my dear’ ghost over your ears with little to no reaction. Normally, if such a handsome man had playfully rolled those words off of his tongue in your direction, your neck hairs would have stood on end like a startled cat, but with Korekiyo it was different. You did harbor some...feelings for him, but he called everyone dear, right? He was always spewing mature and polite crap like that.

     “Yeah, of course, though I don’t know why an anthropologist would ever waste his time in a plain old dance studio,” you chuckled, on your tip-toes struggling for the tome far above you. Korekiyo snuck up behind you, his chest warm against your back as he reached up and plucked the book down for you, placing it gently in your hands. You held the book to your own chest and turned to face him, finding yourself flush against the wooden bookshelf with the lanky anthropologist trapping you in place. “Thanks, Kiyo!” You felt blood rush to your cheeks as he tilted his head at you like a curious puppy hearing the word ‘treat!’ You tried to settle your stuttering heart. Surely he was just being nice, right?

     “Think nothing of it…” his hands came up slowly on either side of your head, caging you in between his slender arms. “You know, y/n, Hathor is known mainly for her impressive duality. She balances femininity and softness with strength and vengeance. She is a protector, but also is the harbinger of dance, joy, love...sexuality.” His voice deepened into a rasp that was like melted chocolate flowing freely over your ears. His proximity was beginning to make you dizzy. “You remind me of Hathor in many ways. I see the way you take care of your friends here, the way you defend people, but also the with which you dance: the water-like movements of your passion.”

     “...” you stood there, silent for a moment, and then another moment, and then another. He looked at your expectantly, his expression unreadable through his mask. “Well, thanks, Kiyo! I never thought you’d be into ballet! Though I guess dance is a part of culture as much as anything else!” You ducked under his arm with a chipper attitude, shuffling into the open space of his lab, and he sighed deeply, looking at the ground in self-pity. Were you really not interested in him? He couldn’t blame you. Many people saw him as a creep, a pariah. He was a teenager that wore a mask at all times for crying out loud. He endlessly spewed random facts and unsolicited folk tales. Of course people avoided him. But you...you visited him every day. Before his lab opened up, you met with him in the library and inquired about his day. You asked him to eat lunch with you, and walk you back to the dorms after dinner. You asked to hear his stories, and he found himself growing to like you more and more. He didn’t want to admit his feelings until he knew for sure that you felt the same, but it was looking like his old friend, rejection, might win the war once again.

     “Kiyo, this lab is simply amazing! You’re so lucky... you got the biggest one yet! My studio looks like a janitor’s closet compared to this!” You spun around on the new floor on his lab, taking in the sights, book in hand. You’d been here every day since it opened, but dedicated yourself to one section a day, having only reached this floor earlier that evening. You thought knowledge like this deserved time and respect. Korekiyo agreed of course.

     “Well when one’s area of study is the entire world, a proportionately large area is needed for said study,” he drawled, slinking along behind you as you sat in a chair on the main floor. He sat in the chair across from you in front of the wall of display cases holding ceremonial swords and masks as you fingered through the book in wonder.

     “Woah…” your eyes widened innocently.

     “Ahhh, the Kama Sutra? You’re holding one of the oldest copies known to man.” He leaned closer to you, splaying his fingers over the page you were on slowly and seductively. “I had no idea you were this kind of person, y/n…” there’s that confectionary tone again, sweet and dripping with carnal desire.

     “N-no of course not I just...what kind of person do you mean? I mean...I think the book is just interesting, the cover and the design on the spine drew me in and-“

     “We should never judge a book based on its cover, yes?” He let his honeyed-words sink in to your doe-like eyes, “I think human beings, much like this book, hide things within our pages not immediately evident on our covers.”

     “I agree…” his words flew right over your head. “Like you! I didn’t know you had an interest in ballet at all!” He was starting to get frustrated, but he exhaled deeply, his inner voice telling him to have patience.

     “Well, yes, I’ve seen many different forms of dance, and of course, ballet is delicate and breath-taking, but also very strenuous. Another thing we shouldn’t take at face value. I’ve seen the feet of many a poor dancer after a performance, and it really is a harsh contrast to the grace of the dance itself.”

     “Yes, yes! You get it!” He smiled at your child-like wonder, with you seeing only the crinkle of his eyes above the mask. “I know so many men who don’t even think dance of any kind can be a sport. I think many so-called atheletes would give up on day one of ballet lessons.” You chuckled, and he let himself be enveloped in your laughter. He was complete entranced in your aura.

     “So, you will allow me to view your ballet practice in private some time? I’ve seen you with your lab door open in passing, but I would be absolutely delighted if you’d honor me with a private session, so I could focus on you and only you.” He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, his long raven hair falling around him like a bed canopy.

     “Oh, Kiyo…” you began, your own heart hurting at the words you were about the speak, but it was for the best. You didn’t want to waste his time, not in a place like this. “I know you’re interested in ballet, but after those first two trials and this whole not-knowing-when-we-are-gonna-die thing, I don’t think it would be a worthy use of your time to pull yourself away from all of this,” you gestured to the gigantic room around you, “in order to-”

     “Y/N-!” He spoke angrily and abruptly, startling you, before composing himself and beginning again, taking the book from your hand and instead intertwining his fingers in your own. “...I am not interested in ballet, so much as I am interested in you. Do you understand?” You felt your body tense up in complete shock. He wasn’t serious right…? He was teasing you, taking advantage of your naïveté and your obvious feelings for him. Maybe you weren’t hiding them as well as you’d thought.

     “Me…?” You looked at his wrapped hand in yours, the bandages scratchy texture pulling you back down to earth.

     “Yes, you.” He spoke bluntly, with nothing but compassion in his voice.

     “But you’re...you’re so…” he braced himself, waiting for the insults and degrading comments that always followed when he let his walls down around normal people.

     “...Odd? Long-winded? A freak of nature?” He sighed, pulling away.

     “Beautiful…” you could hardly hear your own words pouring from your mouth, the pounding of your heart beat too loud in your ears. You grabbed his hand, and in a moment of fragile silence, began to unwrap the linen that covered every inch of his fingers, then down to his palms and wrists. His hands, now revealed to you fully for the first time, were just as beautiful as his voice and cat-like golden eyes. They were pale, ghostly, ethereal. They looked like they could break at the slightest touch, but withstand any hard labor that was thrown at them at the same time. “Korekiyo, you spend so much time telling others that humanity is beautiful, that you haven’t taken the time to see it in yourself, have you? At least...not for a long while.”

     “Y/N, I-” you reached for the top of his mask with shaking fingers, and he jerked away roughly, terrified. When you reached out again, he didn’t move, steeling himself to be exposed to you. You deserved to see the truth. His eyelids fluttered closed, and his heart dropped into his stomach.

     Your fingertips lingered at the top of the mask before tugging it down gently. He kept his eyes shut tightly as you observed his full face.

     The tip of his nose, which you could tell from the nose bridge was thin, came to an adorable point above his lips. A delicate, milky white chin led up on either side to a sharp jawline, high cheekbones and a flawless complexion. That powdery complexion was met in stark contrast to the blood-red pigment of a matte lipstick staining his lips.

     “Y/N, I didn’t want you to see me...truly see me for the first time like thi-” you brought your lips closer to his until they were touching, and soon found yourself leaning into his chest, into his lap in his seated position in front of you. Your lips pressed into his, a bit more bold now, and your confidence spurred his own. You now straddled his hips, your legs on either side of his thighs, and he grabbed your hips, his hands shaking like a leaf in the wind. He pulled back, scanning your face for any regret, any shame or fear, and sensing none, crashed his lips onto yours again. He roughly sucked on your bottom lip, pulling a small moan from your mouth that excited him more than anything corporeal had in a long time. You never thought he’d be such a good kisser.

     “Korekiyo…” you pulled back again, giving you both some much-needed air. “I never thought that...someone like you would even glance my way. You’re so intelligent, so regal and elegant and different from the norm and…” your words trailed off, and his thumb reached up to your lips, roughly wiping away the red lipstick that clung onto your face as a reminder that he had been there.

     “Likewise, y/n,” he reclined back into the chair with you still on his lap, a little too cocky and cheeky for his own good, but to say the smirk on his messy red mouth wasn’t turning you on would be a lie.

[franniebanana]

CQL Rewatch - Ep15

I forgot this guy’s name, Yao or something? Honestly, I don’t care enough to research this, like, at all. I hate this guy. My friend and I now refer to him as the Hype Man, so I might just call him that from now on. But I wanted to say that I didn’t realize he was in it so early, so when I saw him, I was like, “That fucking guy!!” And I also totally missed that the point of Jiang Fengmian leaving was to take this worthless piece of trash somewhere. I wish he’d died haha. But then I guess there’d be less reason to hate him, and I enjoy hating him.

I can’t believe this is the first paragraph that people are going to see. If you’re reading this now, you’re like, why do I want to read this crap? And y’know what, I can’t blame you. The next few episodes are gonna be rough. I don’t even know if there will be much to say on my end. My friend, after watching these few episodes commented something like, “Huh, that really dragged.” I could only agree, pulling my hair out from the headache these few episodes were giving me.

Okay, but seriously, Yao is so pathetic here! Talking about how he never thought they’d end up like this, and, “Oh, we were just a small clan, woe is me!” It’s amazing that he turns into the biggest prick, always right there hyping up the scapegoat-blame game rhetoric. Sorry, I hate this fucker.

A rare nice moment from Madam Yu. It was sweet having her show a caring side, packing medicine for her husband, snacks for her daughter. But of course, it was because Jiang Yanli had come to say goodbye to her earlier. Jiang Cheng is really like his mother—they can’t do anything for kindness’s sake, there’s always an obligation to the kindness.

I hate Wang Lingjiao, but I love her, and I love hating her. I’m conflicted. She’s just such a fun, evil character, more fun than Xue Yang in my opinion, probably because she actual interacts with the main characters in the story. It will forever annoy me that Xue Yang gets so much attention for appearing in a long-ass flashback (via empathy) and what should have been a flashback (Chang Clan) but wasn’t because they wanted it to be padding, I guess.

Anyway, Wang Lingjiao. She’s fun, she goes completely nuts—what’s not to love about her? She’s also someone who is so similar to Madam Yu, but because she also is ambitious and wants to take over Lotus Pier, Madam Yu wants her dead. Haha!

While Madam Yu is, objectively, a horrible person, I actually really like how her bodyguards aren’t treated like servants. I like that there’s mutual respect there, as there should be when you’re talking about protecting someone. Unfortunately, I think Madam Yu treats them better than her own family in most cases. It’s cool that the Jiang Clan doesn’t rely on servants to get food and tea and whatnot. These are things that the disciples and leaders must do for themselves. By contrast, the Jins have so many servants—it’s almost obscene by comparison.

Also I want to point out how hot-headed Jiang Cheng gets here, while his mother is just cool as a cucumber. It really shows you how unready he is to actually lead (which she points out). He’s so emotional, quick to anger, yet he has none of the foundations to really lead a group of people. Even when the disciples are explaining to them what happened to the kid and the kite, it’s Wei Wuxian who is keeping everyone calm and asking the questions.

I love that his first reaction here is to insult Wang Lingjiao’s intelligence. We’re basically getting a parallel to how he reacts to Wen Chao, which is fun because you can see how his behavior hasn’t changed at all. He uses his wit in both situations and is easily able to outwit both Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao. What’s kind of interesting is that Jiang Cheng will speak up now when he wouldn’t before. And I wonder is it because he is guilty for being silent earlier with Wen Chao, or is it something else? I think ultimately Jiang Cheng blames Jin Xizuan, Lan Wangji, and Wei Wuxian for what happens to his parents and to Lotus Pier. Even though, logically, it would have been destroyed anyway, he still wants to place the blame on someone who he can reach. All this is to say, I don’t think Jiang Cheng regrets not speaking up at the Wen Indoctrination. So I think he feels superiority over Wang Lingjiao really because he thinks she’s a stupid woman. And duh, she is not that clever. But she is smart enough to be able to use what talents she has to get ahead. She apparently is favored over Wen Chao’s own wife (who knew he was even married—not me lol), and you have to be ambitious and have some smarts to get that far. That’s not to say that Jiang Cheng wouldn’t treat a man this way too—I think he would. I think he picks and chooses who he’ll stand up to. He’s on his own turf, she’s an invader, she’s a woman—she only brought a few henchmen, right? He’s also been charged with watching over Lotus Pier in his father’s absence. Maybe he just wants to look big for once. Just a thought. Take it or leave it.

So, I think Madam Yu is enjoying this. She’s getting two things she wants: the Wens are going to leave and she gets to beat the shit out of Wei Wuxian. She doesn’t even have to be prodded to punish him, right? She barely waits until Wang Lingjiao has finished speaking. This has something she’s wanted to do for a long time. I think she’s hit him before, yes? But she can go all out right now, since Jiang Fengmian, his only real protector, is gone.

Also Jiang Cheng! Man, he’s torn apart! He hates to see this happening to Wei Wuxian—yes, he blames him for all that shit, but he doesn’t want to see this happen to him. It’s actually harder to watch Jiang Cheng in all of this than Wei Wuxian, who mostly remains as stoic as he could possibly be while she’s whipping the shit out of him. And again here, we get Wei Wuxian telling Jiang Cheng not to interfere, because the last thing he wants is for Jiang Cheng to be penalized too. He’s fine receiving this punishment because it’s a “better me than him” kind of a thing. It’s harder to watch someone else suffer than to suffer ourselves, right? I’m like that, idk if you readers are, but I think a lot of people are like that. I mean, I’ve always been that way, but it’s been amplified since I became a parent. And not only is he accepting of being whipped by Zidian, he’s ready to lose his fucking right hand. The hand that he wields a sword with. His dominant hand. He is ready to lose it with absolutely no fuss. That’s how much Wei Wuxian cares about Lotus Pier. His response is, “I’ll have to learn how to use my left hand.” It’s a passing line, a line when you can’t even see his face—but do you get how big that is? Jiang Cheng is up there losing his mind, completely emotional, crying, yelling at his mother to stop—Wei Wuxian is just silently gritting his teeth and taking it. They’re both brave (I would not want to stand up to Madam Yu), but different kinds of brave, y’know?

I do love this part. I’m not gonna lie. Seeing Madam Yu slap Wang Lingjiao around is something that’s deeply, deeply satisfying. I guess it’s just nice to see Madam Yu’s anger turned towards an actual villain, since up until this point, it’s been directly mainly at Wei Wuxian and her own husband. I think this part is forever tainted if you know how the story goes, because Madam Yu is just on fire! But if you’ve seen this series before, which hopefully you have (otherwise spoilers abound), you know it doesn’t end well for her. I like this plot device here, making you think that the good guys are going to come out on top, and then reversing it so quickly as soon as the Core-Melting Hand shows up. One minute, you’re cheering, the next, you’re…not.

I also want to point out how quickly things reverse here as well. Jiang Cheng is trying to protect and comfort Wei Wuxian throughout this whole scene, which is something we’re definitely not used to seeing. This has always (and I mean always) been more of Lan Wangji’s thing. But in kind of a nice twist of fate, we actually see Jiang Cheng caring for Wei Wuxian. But then, boy, do things change! We see a complete reversal of this behavior—first Wei Wuxian has to be there for Jiang Cheng’s emotional state, and then his physical one. And the man does not complain about it at all.

I want to say that I didn’t cry in my first watch of CQL until episode 50. That is 100% the truth, so help me God. However, when I watched this scene in the donghua, I cried like a little bitch. Cried probably isn’t the right word—how about sobbed. I sobbed. I think because I knew it was coming when I watched CQL, it didn’t really affect me (plus my husband was right there, not paying attention, but still on the couch with me, so I tend to not cry as much when he’s around. I like to cry on my own, okay?). Having said that, the second time I saw this scene, I fucking cried, and I really didn’t stop until after they told Jiang Yanli, because that sweetheart crying makes me cry, okay? I have a really hard time watching things about children and parents, because I always think about my own parents and my own kid, so it just makes me really emotional. The idea of never seeing your parents again, especially in such a traumatic situation, at the age of what—17? That’s something I can’t even begin to imagine. In a word, horrific. Traumatic isn’t even a strong enough word to describe the emotional and mental turmoil that a teenager would be going through. But I can probably ramble about that later.

And my heart breaks for Wei Wuxian here too. Even though she hated him, even though she treated him so poorly, I’m sure he still thought of her as something akin to a mother. She was the only mother figure he had in his life who was still living, so there was definitely an attachment there (and this is proven later). Even being acknowledged by her here must mean something to him. She may hate him, but she trusts him to keep her children safe and to protect them. It’s honestly so sad.

Ugh, this is hard to watch. As a mother, the idea of sending your kid adrift when you know you’ll probably never see them again is so heartbreaking. The connection you have with your children is something that no other relationship can match, whether you physically bore your children or not. They are a part of you. Like, let’s be real, raising children is difficult—they can test your patience, make you angry, make you sad and hurt (toddlers don’t care about you, yeah, I said it)—but you love them in spite of it all. And for me, I can never really hate Madam Yu. I can find her attitude and treatment of certain individuals deplorable, but at the end of the day, she loved her children. Was she a good mom? No, probably not. But I don’t think Jiang Fengmian was a good dad either (although I think he tried a bit harder). But I think she loved A-Cheng and A-Li, and I think she trusted Wei Wuxian to protect them. I think she gave him that shred of respect at the end.

In case you’re wondering, I fucking cried through to the end of this episode. I mean, Jesus, Yanli just gets immediately thrown into another boat and tied up with her brothers, after finding out that her mother might be dead already, and then her dad abandons them too. I just can’t.

I’m sorry this was short (maybe I’m not sorry, depending on how much you like the episode). I’m going to try and knock out more than one episode per week because I just don’t have a lot to say. These are mainly getting through the plot episodes, if you know what I mean.

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |

[recurring-polynya]

What comparisons can be made between renruki and Ichiruki? I often wondered about this.

This is such a hot button issue that as soon as I received this (perfectly polite) ask, my body tensed up and my brain went Am I being trolled?

It’s honestly a shame that there is so much bad blood behind this, because it is, in fact, a very interesting thing to talk about, and I am going to attempt to do so in good faith, because I love thinking about this kind of thing. Even though I am very openly a Renruki shipper, I love all three of these characters very much, and I think that Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship is very important! I am doing my best to be neutral, although I have not read very much Ichiruki fanfic/meta, so please give me a benefit of a doubt. Obviously, I can’t stop anyone from reblogging this and putting their own comments on it, but I have no interest in getting in debates over it, so don’t be surprised if I don’t engage.

This is both long, and I am sure some people don’t care, so I’m gonna put the rest under a cut. I have tried to hard to write this in a way that will not make anyone mad, but if you think it will make you mad, please give yourself the gift of not clicking on it.

So, what is the same between Ichigo and Renji? Lots, actually. Physically, they are both tall, strong, and have ridiculously colored spiky hair. They are outwardly grumpy, but secretly have soft, gooey centers. Neither one of them is dumb, but they are both dumbasses. They are protectors: they would rather take any amount of pain or damage onto themselves than see a loved one hurt. Their friends are everything to them, and that goes triple for Rukia.

How are they different, then? There are three major bullets:

- Ichigo is alive. Renji is dead. Perhaps this is a little flip, but Renji belongs to same world that Rukia does, and Ichigo does not. This is not a value judgment, it is just a fact: If Rukia ends up with Renji, she stays where she is. If she ends up with Ichigo, either Rukia or Ichigo have to make a huge change. I will get back to this.

- Youth vs. Experience. Ichigo is a 15-year old boy, as we are told about 1000 times. There is some mystery over how old Rukia and Renji are, but they have graduated from secondary education and are currently employed. I think it’s safe to assume that they are roughly close in age to each other, but I think Rukia may perceive Renji as seeming older than herself-- he graduated from school, and she didn’t; he’s on his third squad transfer, whereas she’s hasn’t budged from her initial, entry-level job, and he’s now middle management. However, the arc of the story we don’t get to see, is that over the timeskips, Rukia not only catches up to, but surpasses him. Also, not for nothing, but I think that in the same way Rukia is immediately drawn to Ichigo because of his resemblance to Kaien, I think she is also drawn to him for his resemblance to Young Renji-- a grumpy, prickly young man, leaking self-doubt from every pore, whom she is more able to be generous towards through the lens of age and experience. (And I think this comparison could support either ship)

- Ichigo is the protagonist. Rules don’t apply to him. Fate breaks on his sword. He represents the triumph of love or hard work or dreams or what have you over the cruel millstone of the world. Renji, on the other hand, is firmly bound to the rules of the world in which he inhabits. In fact, that is arguably the entire purpose of his character. Renji’s fights are often used to set the stakes of the conflict-- ah, Renji got mangled, this guy must be tough. In the Soul Society Arc, he is an antagonist because he is doing what he is supposed to. In the TYBW, Kubo literally throws the two of them in a pit to fight some asauchi just to make the point that Renji is a shinigami and Ichigo is something else.

Let’s jump over to Rukia for a moment. Rukia is a great character, one of my favorite characters in any media. Rukia contains multitudes. She is tough and strong, but often melancholy. She can be beautiful and elegant, but she also lies and breaks rules and tried to put Kon in a dead cat once. Emotionally, she likes to present a cool front, but she has a big, loving heart, and she feels deeply. As a character, all of this makes her very easy to project onto, which is why I think so many people OTP her with someone, no matter who.Some people choose to try to make her into one of these things or another, and some people try to keep her as the full bundle of contradictions that she is.

There is no romantic content in canon Bleach. There is no romantic content in canon Bleach. There are many, many scenes that can be interpreted romantically, but no one goes on a date, no one kisses. Ichigo gazes longingly into the eyes of all his friends, it’s just a thing he does. Orihime does explicitly proclaim at one point that she loves Rukia, although I suspect that in the original Japanese, it’s the word for “friendship love” and not the very-rarely-used “romantic love.” I have seen a scene-for-scene comparison of IchiHime “romantic moments” only it’s Chad and Uryuu (which I choose to believe supports IshiChad, rather than negates IchiHime, but we may all choose for ourselves!) My point is that shipping in Bleach is a DIY craft, which, when we’re all having a good time, is what makes it so fun.

So, bringing all of this together, given that Ichigo and Renji are fairly similar characters, why are the ships so different, and what makes one appeal to some people and be abhorrent to someone else?

I think about romance stories a lot. I actually took a class on romance novels in college and I just really like to think about the mechanics of stories. In the truest sense of the word, “romance” is about extremes-- about sailing the high seas and wearing ostentatious shirts and shouting off a cliff in a rainstorm. When we talk about romance as a genre, the characters tend to behave in a way that we would not prefer our actual romantic partners do, but the over-the-top nature of it makes us swoon and our hearts drop -- except when it doesn’t. What is heart-breakingly romantic to some people can be a huge turn-off to others. The biggest fight my husband and I have ever had was over a kdrama. The male lead was hiding his identity from the female lead in order to help her, and I found it all to be deeply, deeply romantic, and my husband turned to me and said “He is being dishonest with her and I think it’s morally wrong” and I almost died.

So, let’s break down some of the themes of the two ships, which I think gets at the meat of what you were asking. Now, like I said, shipping is very participatory, and anyone may have their own ideas of how these relationships would be, and I am a big fan of “a great writer can get away with anything”, but in broad strokes, I think that these are the themes of the two ships:

IchiRuki:

Love conquers all/ Love is enough to overcome differences of class, age, lifestyle, geography, etc.

Instant connections/Love at first sight

Love is a force of the universe that cannot be denied or defeated

Young love

Grand gestures

Your partner changes you (in a positive way)/You effect change in your partner

Your partner is the center of your world

Your partner is the one person who can get through to you/You are the one person who can get through to your partner

Banter

Dumbassery

RenRuki:

Love takes work

Best friends to lovers

Second chances/Broken things can be repaired

Love is a choice

You improve with age

Shared experiences build love

Pining

Working together with your partner to create a mutually satisfying life together

Your partner enriches your world, but your independence is maintained

Banter

Dumbassery

There is also some degree of character interpretation at work, too-- there seems to be a huge degree of disagreement between fans as to whether:

a) Ichigo enjoys his normal, human life, and even though he do anything to protect what he loves, he would prefer to live a human existence with his human friends and family. He credits Rukia will helping him realize his strength and powers.

b) Ichigo is unsatisfied with his human life and that meeting Rukia opened the doorway to a life of excitement and adventure, on top of being given the strength to protect his loved ones.

As far as Ichigo pairings go, I think that most IchiHime people fall in category (a) and most IchiRuki (and GrimmIchi) shippers fall in (b). In both cases, peoples’ ships align with their view of what makes Ichigo happy. Most IchiRuki content I have seen  seems to feature Ichigo moving to Soul Society, rather than Rukia moving to Karakura. Rukia pretty explicitly indicates at the end of the Soul Society Arc that she wants to stay in Soul Society, plus she’s got a pretty established life there. Contrast that to the story of Isshin and Masaki-- Isshin seems pretty flippant and disaffected about his life in Soul Society; it doesn’t seem like it was a particularly hard choice for him to give up being a shinigami. Also, it’s pretty clear that what Isshin did was illegal, and I’m not sure there would be an easy way for Rukia to just say “WELP, I’m off to live as a human, smell you jerks later.”

To try to wrap things up, I think the actual dynamics of an IchiRuki or RenRuki relationship would be very similar, actually. They would banter a lot and dive headfirst into danger and support each other no matter what. Byakuya would treat either guy with the vaguest, most grudging amount of respect. The primary perpetual, unresolved argument between Rukia and Ichigo would be “The Living World is dumb/Soul Society is dumb”, whereas with Rukia and Renji, it would be “Squad 6 is dumb/Squad 13 is dumb wait no I didn’t mean that Captain Ukitake is an angel.”

Personally, I headcanon Renji as being more able than Ichigo to step back and be the support person in the relationship (see that bullet about Ichigo being the protag), so I think that RenRuki could manage to run a functional household, whereas Ichigo and Rukia would just go on adventures until they got arrested for tax evasion.

*For the record, I am very pro-IchiRenRuki, except that they would be even worse at running a household. It’s just Renji trying to explain how a chore wheel works while Rukia and Ichigo walk out the door on him.

[sunshinesholland]

dog days | t.h.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Word count: 1.77k

Summary: Being a dog mom is tough. Having a busy schedule and feeling mom guilt is even tougher. So who are you to say no when your dog just wants to spend some time playing at the park, even if it is pouring down rain. It’s what dog parents do. Or at least just you?

A/N: So I have a half pitbull named Mia Bella and I think Tessa is absolutely cute and they’d make sweet friends and... this was self indulgence and it’s finest and I’m not even sorry about it.

It’s a little ridiculous, you suppose, while it’s managed to go from a light drizzle of rain to a torrential downpour and everyone else has completely left the park, you’re still out. Determined to get your pup the playtime she deserves, having felt guilty going into work on a Saturday morning. Most people are likely indoors right now, snuggled up with a warm cup of tea, watching their favorite series on Netflix. Meanwhile are absolutely chilled to the bone, but with your dog smiling up at you, tail wagging and tennis ball in mouth, you wouldn’t have it any other way. Well, maybe you would. An umbrella would be nice. You at least have an anorak on, and a cap to protect you from the onslaught of rain.

But your dog Bella comes back, scampering with glee and the biggest smile on her face. She drops the ball in the mud, proudly staring up at you. As a Staffordshire terrier, she’s unbelievably expressive. Her big doe eyes begging you to throw the ball and her cheeks widened in what can only be described as a grin. No other family dog you’d had as a child was ever as expressive as your own. She’s your furry best friend, and you had a million pictures on your phone to prove it. Dog mom stereotype completely fulfilled. And yeah, your trainers are soaked, and your jeans are clinging to your skin, but your baby is happy.

You smile and reach down to scratch behind her ears, before grabbing the ball lying in front of your feet. Before you can even lift your arm to throw, she’s off and running, trying to be ahead of the game and beat the ball before it gets where it’s going. You smile, because she always does this, and throw it anyways. You wait a few minutes, expecting her to come racing back as usual. But it’s a heavy downpour and your view is obstructed further by your position at the bottom of a slight incline and the presence of trees and now you’re panicking.

“Bella?! Bell!” You’re yelling, and running now, feet sloshing against the mix of mud and slick grass.

If you weren’t already cold, the breeze from your pace is hitting your already soaked clothes makes you feel even colder. But all you can think of is your dog. She’s such a sweet girl, extremely smart and friendly but she’s a pitty and the sad truth is people aren’t very kind or trusting of bully breeds.

And you hear her bark and you’re immediately fearful, is she barking because she’s scared? Is she barking because she’s lost? Is someone hurting her? And you reach the clearing of the park, away from the trees and you see her under the park’s gazebo. She’s sat next to one of the benches, with another dog and what you can only assume is its owner.

“Oh thank god, Bella. You scared me so much!” You’re out of breath and you sound like a frightened mother. Because you are.

She comes ambling to you, completely unaware of how scared she’s made you. She’s just happy she’s made a new friend and she’s got a fun sprint in. You kneel down and attach her leash to her collar, squeezing her face in your hands and ruffling her fur. You can’t be mad at her, she’s wagging her tail and she’s safe and happy and oblivious.

“I honestly didn’t think anyone else would be crazy enough to be out here,” the stranger’s voice raised to speak over the rain, flashing a cheeky grin.

The rain is relentless against the metal roof of the structure, but it’s somehow still calming and beautiful, the sound of rain thumping against the metal. A stark contrast to being fully immersed in the pouring rain in combination with the pounding of blood in your ears, as you just were.

The rain has soaked his hair, curls falling against his forehead. He’s wearing a black zip up, and a pair of joggers. He’s managed to look cozy, warm, and attractive, and he really has no business looking this good, especially while being caught in a rainstorm. You imagine you look like a drowned rat, baseball cap doing nothing to hide the mess of soaked hair flowing from under it. Your cheeks most likely flushed from the cold and the frantic dash across the park. You brush your hair that’s fallen in your face away, clearing your throat.

“I, uh, had work this morning. And I’m a graduate student and weekends are the most time we get together without me having my nose in a textbook and I felt guilty and- you didn’t ask for my life story, I’m sorry,” you blurt out, averting your eyes from this unbelievably handsome, rain-soaked stranger, looking down at Bella.

She’s not smiling at you like she was a moment ago, instead she blinks at you before yawning. Ah, what a show of compassion. She’s bored now, she’s had her fun and you’re boring her with your need for emotional support, you think.

“It’s quite alright, I suppose I did call you crazy. You felt the need to explain yourself, even if it does somewhat confirming the initial judgement,” and you’re realizing he has an English accent, and you look up to see a softer smile on his features, eyes crinkling at the corners, effectively softening the harsh assessment, albeit joking.

And you can’t help but wonder how English rainstorms are, and if that’s why he’s fine being out in this weather. And why he’s here, in the states? And also, who gave him the right to be so charming? And why did Bella come to him? She usually isn’t very comfortable around men (although a sweet dog, she is constantly in protector mode as you’re a single girl and it’s just you two in the apartment in a busy city).

And furthermore, he’s fine with a pitbull coming up to him? Okay well, she is very very cute, and very sweet, you think, completely unbiased. Not at all thinking this because you’re her owner and proud dog mom. Not biased at all.

“Well I guess since you told me all of that, I can tell you why we’re crazy enough to be out,” he jokes, sitting down at the bench, reaching down to pet his dog.

You had been so caught up in the relief of finding your pup, of the cute stranger  his lovely accent and the tap, tap, tap of the rain against the roof that you hadn’t even noticed the lovely dog sitting patiently at his side. Your heart swelled upon recognition of the boxy terrier snout, familiar doe eyes and pointy little ears. Seeing another dog of the same breed group made you unbelievably happy. While you loved all dogs, you had a soft spot for the far too misunderstood,  gentle terriers of this breed group.

“Me and Tess were just getting our afternoon jog in when the rain started,” he continues, smiling down at his pup and then looking back at you, effectively bringing you out of your internal dog-loving monologue.

“I actually also had work today, but my girl is important to me and I needed to make time for her,” he explains, “So we’re both crazy dog parents, if we’re willing to risk hypothermia for them, I suppose,” he grins.

You can just feel how soft your eyes must be looking at him. You kneel down, Bella is at your side, sniffing at Tess, trying to get closer.

You look up at him, chocolate brown eyes meeting yours and ironically, it’s hard to not melt, “Would it be okay to pet her?”

You ask, trying to be respectful despite her tail wagging a mile a minute, and her already leaning against you to be pet.

“I don’t think either of us get a choice, darling” he laughs, eyes crinkling and head slightly tilting back at his dog’s antics.

The sound echos in the acoustics of the gazebo, and it blends beautifully with the rain calming down, now more lightly tapping against the roof. The rain is dripping down the roof edge, against the cement. You feel warm, despite being being drenched from head to toe. You stop your petting (to Tess’s dismay), and stand up.

“Would it be alright if they went and played? Since both of their activities got cut short?” You question, smiling back in what you hope is at least half as an appealing manner as his laugh.

He grins at you, reaching to unleash Tess, as you do the same with Bella, before he stands up beside you. The dogs are immediately off, running circles around the structure. The rain has let up enough that Bella is fully in your view, allowing you to relax and chat with the unnamed curly-haired boy.

“I’m sorry, I know your dog’s name, but I didn’t catch yours,” you turn away from the dogs to look at him and he’s smiling watching the dogs run.

You think he may not have heard you but he turns to you and you’re blindsided by the dazzling smile being directed at you.

“Tom, my name’s Tom,” he replies, outstretching a hand for you to shake.

You’re laughing at his formal nature, but shake his hand nonetheless.

“Well Tom, if you’re also a single dog parent, I’d love to get a cup of coffee with you,” you grin, feeling giddy for some stupid reason. It’s his sunny disposition, and his cute face, you bet.

“I drink tea… But I suppose I could make an exception for your cute dog,” he grins, bumping your shoulder playfully,

“Yeah, going for coffee, it’s for the dogs. Like when parents have to be friends because their kids are. They like each other, and who are we to stand in the way of friendship?” You add, looking out at the park space they’re running in. In your head you’re playing it cool, but in Tom’s eyes, you’ve got a slight grin but you’re beaming, absolutely glowing even in the gloom of the rainy afternoon.

“Yeah, exactly. We might have to meet up again soon too. I mean, think of the children,” he says in reply, nodding his head, looking out as well, trying to match your attempt at a collected demeanor.

And both of you are watching the two chase each other, barking happily. All while you and Tom are grinning from ear to ear. And you’re grateful that you’re not the only dog parent crazy enough to come out in a downpour, and you remind yourself that when you get home, you’ve really gotta give Bella a treat for running off like she did.

[littlemisswolfie]

spent the night

Part three of this [1] [2]. New Moon AU where Charlie calls Harry instead of Billy when Bella gets depressed, Leah and Bella become close, and Leah imprints on Bella.

Leah watches Bella’s chest rise and fall as she sleeps in the faded moonlight coming in through her bedroom window and runs the day’s events over in her head.

She remembers being unwilling to let go of Bella for more than a few moments at a time. She remembers not paying attention as the tribe said goodbye to her father because Bella was next to her and she was somehow more important. She remembers the rage building in her chest as Bella recalled the events that took place in Arizona months earlier and lead to the redheaded leech wanting to kill her.

“Her mate, James... he was a tracker. He wanted to track me. He tricked me into meeting him alone and bit me on the wrist.”

Leah’s eyes trail down to Bella’s exposed wrist and the pale scar that rests there. It’s quite a bit colder than the rest of her skin, and it sparkles in the sunlight.

“The Cullens showed up and got James off of me, but I already had his venom in my body, and I was dying. Carlisle said Jasper didn’t have enough self-control to suck the venom out, so E-E-Edward had to do it. Emmett and Jasper killed James, and now Victoria wants to kill me.”

The idea of any bloodsucker getting their mouths anywhere close to Bella is nearly enough to make Leah phase. If one even thinks about biting Bella again, she knows she’s going to actually lose it. 

She even told Bella that earlier, when she was still shaking from telling her story. “They’ll never get your fangs close to you again. They’ll have to go through me first.”

“A mate for a mate.”

A mate for a mate. What bullshit. Edward Cullen didn’t even have the guts to kiss Bella the way she wanted. He might have considered Bella to be his mate, but there was no way she thought he was hers. Not anymore.

It was Sam’s idea for Bella to stay on the Rez for the night. “We smelled her nearby earlier. You should stick close to us until we figure out how to include your house and your school in our patrol routes.”

“But Charlie--”

Seth had come to the rescue. “He won’t say no to our mom if she asks. He knows how close you and Leah are.”

And so here Bella was, sleeping in Leah’s bed and wearing an old t-shirt of Leah’s and not much else, while Leah stands guard over her. Bella had laughed when Leah told her the plan. “E-Edward used to do that, you know. I’d leave my window open and he’d come in and watch me sleep. He didn’t need to sleep, but he said he liked watching me do it.”

Leah had growled. “That’s creepy as hell, Bella. Jesus. I’m not watching you all night. I’ll crawl into bed when Embry comes to take over watch.”  And Bella had blushed all pretty at the thought of Leah sharing a bed and rolled over and shut her eyes and pretended to sleep. She must have been more tired than either of them thought, because she hadn’t needed to pretend for long before her breathing evened and her heart slowed to a resting pace.

Bella whimpers and unconsciously tugs the threadbare blankets up closer to her chin. Leah decides fuck waiting for Embry and pulls the covers back just enough to slide into her twin bed next to her imprint.

Imprint. Still the biggest issue in the room, aside from the vampires. Bella had looked up at her earlier and asked, “How strong is the imprint?”

“From what Sam and Jared say, it’s pretty damn strong. Sam sat on Emily porch for weeks before she even let him inside because he couldn’t stand to be too far away from her.”

“And it makes you love me?”

Leah had reached out to cup Bella’s cheek. “I don’t know. I mighta fallen in love with you without it.”

“Doubt it.”

“Hey.” Leah sat up a little straighter. “Don’t sell yourself short. You’re not too bad.”

Her plan had worked, spurring Bella to laugh a little, and their worries melted away, if just for a little bit. But then she’d sobered and said, “Sam will want to talk to the council tomorrow. About us. It’s weird enough for me to have shifted at all, but imprinting on another woman is a whole other issue.”

“Will you be in trouble?”

“I don’t think so. They have too much respect for the wolf god to try to go against him. But it might be intense.”

“You’ll be there with me?”

“You’d need a crowbar to pry me off of you.”

The bed is just crowded enough to give Leah an excuse to wrap and arm around Bella’s waist, but Bella doesn’t seem to mind, because she flings her leg over both of Leah’s and snuggles closer to her warmth. Leah lets loose a happy rumble in her chest and falls asleep quickly, content.

*

Bella’s still asleep when Leah wakes up, and Leah takes a moment to appreciate her position. Bella has somehow wormed her way around during the night so that she’s laying on top of Leah, touching almost no part of the bed except for where her toes brush against the sheets. This makes Leah much happier than is probably healthy, but she can’t bring herself to care. 

A soft knock falls on her bedroom door and it opens to reveal Seth’s face. “Sam called earlier while you were asleep. The council wants to meet with us after breakfast.”

“Where?” Leah asks, pitching her voice low to avoid waking Bella. From the way she’s sleeping, she could use all the rest she can get.

“First Beach. They’re setting up for a bonfire tonight and didn’t want to waste time going to and from the community center.” 

Leah hums. She remembers Bella coming to a few LaPush bonfires in the past. She wonders if she’ll want to go to this one. “Okay. Is breakfast almost ready?”

Seth casts a glance at the still-sleeping Bella. “Mom isn’t feeling up to cooking. I was wondering if Bella wanted to.”

Leah is loathe to wake Bella up, but her stomach is going to be angry soon if she doesn’t get any food into it, so she gently shakes her shoulder. “Hey, Bella. Wake up.”

*

Bella cooks breakfast.

It might be the imprint talking, but Leah’s pretty sure she’s never tasted anything better in her life.

*

Leah, Bella, and Seth walk down to First Beach after they clean up the kitchen. Leah keeps her arm around Bella’s waist the whole walk, rationalizing it by calling on Bella’s clumsy nature and the uneven ground leading down to the waterfront, though from the way Bella leans into her side and lets her head rest partially on her shoulder, her imprint doesn’t care too much. 

They’re the last three of the relevant people to arrive, and Jacob fucking Black is still glaring at her, but, hey, she’s got Bella, she’s touching Bella, and she can’t bring herself to be bothered by his adolescent anger. Bella, on the other hand, seems a little more pained at her friend’s scorn, and Leah tightens her grip to comfort her.

Billy Black and Old Quil stand alone on the beach. There’s a pang in Leah’s heart at the sight; just a week ago, her father would have been standing with them. Beside her, Seth sniffles a little, but keeps his resolve. He’s a trooper, Leah knows, and he’s not going to let him being the youngest member of the pack make him a target for teasing. 

Old Quil looks irritated. Well, at least Leah assumes he’s irritated. He always looks grumpy no matter what. “Thank you for joining us,” he says, the slightest bit of acid in his voice. Leah bristles, and she doesn’t need to look to know that the rest of the pack does, too. Even in human form, they’re in sync more often than not. They mean more to each other than any crusty old council will, and now that Bella is an imprint, she’s included in that. Emily is pack, Kim is pack, Bella is pack. That’s just how it is.

“We apologize for our lateness,” Seth says. “Our mother wasn’t feeling well so we had to make and clean up after breakfast.” 

Billy winces at the mention of their mother, though Old Quil doesn’t seem the slightest bit moved. “Yes. Leah, Sam tells me you have imprinted.”

It’s not a question. Leah answers, “Yes, I have. Yesterday, I imprinted on Isabella Swan.”

Old Quil doesn’t even blink. “That’s impossible,” he says. “She is a hòkwat’, and a woman. She cannot help you further the shifting gene.”

Leah feels Bella tense at the unfamiliar word, most likely because of the venomous way Old Quil says it, and she readies to leap to her imprint’s defense, but Sam beats her to it. “With all due respect, are we so sure imprinting is about reproduction? In the legend, Taha Aki does not feel the need to have children with the Third Wife; he actually stops shifting in order to grow old with her.”

Billy smiles. “Good memory, Samuel.”

“What is your theory, then?” Old Quil asks.

Sam squeezes Leah’s shoulder--the first time he’s really touched her since she shifted--and steps past her so he stands between Old Quil and her and Bella. He’s protecting us, Leah realizes. “My theory,” he says, “is that imprinting is a way to help us ground ourselves to our human halves. The women we imprint on remind us of our mortality and help us to make rational decisions with that awareness.”

“And you would have me believe that a girl who has aligned herself with the Cold Ones is someone who would bring such a balance to a protector?” Old Quil asks.

“Yes,” says Sam, “because Bella and Leah are two women--” He emphasizes women in contrast to Old Quil’s flippant language-- “who have known true heartbreak, and who have bonded over that heartbreak. Neither of them is willing to risk losing another love again. Double that awareness, and we have the most careful protector we could ever hope to have.”

And Old Quil, who probably does have more to say, shuts his mouth and dismisses them.

*

Bella comes to the bonfire that night. Leah sticks by her side the entire time, almost like she’s been super glued to her, but Bella doesn’t complain. Leah enjoys watching her get to know the rest of the pack, fumbling with names from the rushed introduction yesterday and bonding with Kim and Emily over their shared imprint status. “I hope you’re not too easily embarrassed,” Kim teases, “because the guys have absolutely no shame.”

Bella looks up at Leah questioningly, and Leah answers her unasked query. “Shifting suddenly usually tears our clothes up, so if that happens, we have to walk around naked until we find replacements,” and Bella goes fire engine red and sends Kim into hysterics. 

Jacob eventually makes his way over to them, still looking upset but not as angry as he was earlier. “Can I talk to you?” he asks Bella, and Leah knows he means alone.

Bella looks up at her and gives her a smile, like she knows what’s going on in her head. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Okay,” says Leah, even though she doesn’t feel very okay about this at all, and lets her go.

*

Bella returns a few minutes later, looking much more at ease, and she fits herself into Leah’s welcoming arms like she’s never been anywhere else. “I have school tomorrow,” she tells Leah, and Leah knows she’s really saying I need to leave soon.

“I’ll drive you home, Leah says. She doesn’t like the idea of Bella being off the Rez, but she knows Bella needs to go to school. If she has any chance of a life after all this is done, she needs a high school diploma. “Let me just tell Sam.”

Sam is more than happy to let Leah drive Bella home. “In fact,” he says, “why.don’t you stay in Forks tonight?”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s not good to be away from your imprint for too long, and she’ll be in school and doing homework all week long. Nighttime is the only time you’ll get to see her for a while.”

Leah wilts at the reminder that she won’t be able to be with Bella all day every day (and wow, what a pussy she’s turning into, huh? Damn imprint) and agrees.

*

Bella goes into her home through the front door, changes into her pajamas, says goodnight to Charlie, and opens her bedroom window.

“Leah?” she asks, voice quiet in the darkness of her room. They’re in Bella’s bed, much like they were in Leah’s last night, only this time they have to be quiet because Charlie is unaware of their little sleepover.

“Yeah?”

“You really love me?”

The absolute doubt in Bella’s voice is heartbreaking, and it makes Leah want to kill Edward fucking Cullen ten times over. “Yes, I do. You’re the most important thing in my entire world.”

“So you’ll never leave me?”

“I can’t go to school with you, but I’ll do my best to be here more often than not.”

Bella hums and presses herself closer to Leah’s heat. “Good.” Then, Leah feels cool fingers travelling up to cup her cheek, and she’s tilting her head down and Bella’s tilting her head up, and that first, tentative meeting of lips, almost too gentle to feel, is everything Leah never realized she wanted.

<Previous | First | Next>

[vaguely-concerned]

I am reading the Rogue One visual guide and I’m going to ramble at you about it

Starting with Baze and Chirrut facts because nothing is more important than Baze and Chirrut

- The Guardians of the Whills believe very deeply in the Force but their cosmology doesn’t center any fight between light and dark and they believe mortal minds can ‘encompass the totality of the Force’ with the right training (seemingly even for non-Force sensitives). *thinks of a little green baby who’s going to need some help with his place in the universe one day and how reductive the light/dark side dichotomy can be* good to know good to know. yes everything eventually comes down to baby yoda and his poor stressed out dad. protect them

- “Opposites in balance. Chirrut Îmwe and Baze Malbus share a homeworld and a history, although they strike a compelling contrast. Baze is a hardened pragmatist, while Chirrut’s faith flourishes even in trying times. They both claim to act as the protector of the other.” 

in every way they are #goals. bffs/partners to lovers is Everything. ‘They both claim to act as the protector of the other’ is very funny and very sweet and very true; my favourite thing

- this book describes chirrut as baze’s ‘best friend and moral compass’, which is a funny way of spelling ‘husband of 30 years’ but who am I to criticize 

- baze is just. he’s so good. they say here pragmatism is his biggest trait but you can tell how much love has been at the center of him (and probably continues to be under it all) from the totality of his rage. I don’t think you can be this deeply hurt without loving just as deeply first. (like chirrut says, he used to believe more than anyone and now he’s thrown aside literally everything about the guardians except chirrut) it’s like he’s suffered a moral wound just seeing what’s happened to his home and it won’t heal and it never does, he just loses chirrut too and then at least it’s over. jesus christ it’s so soul crushingly sad in a quiet undramatic way 

- “Though both are Guardians of the Whills, Baze and Chirrut could not be more different in their approach to combat. Traditionalist Chirrut still carries weapons associated with the ancient order, while Baze adopts an implement of modern warfare. Their methods suit them individually, and both are effective extensions of their distinctive personalities. Though Baze may chide Chirrut for his antiques, and Chirrut may decry Baze’s reliance on soulless tools, they trust each other’s defences to such weapons.”

THEY TRUST EACH OTHER’S DEFENCES TO SUCH WEAPONS. YOU HAD TO WORD IT LIKE THAT HUH. YOU HAD TO GO AND MAKE IT CLEAR THEY’RE EACH OTHER’S MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD. WHAT. THE FUCK

- it’s implied baze’s hair used to be shorter when he was a Guardian! he’s just let it grow past what’s customary for them (and an excellent choice too his hair is wonderful)

- his repeating blaster is described as ‘modified and highly illegal’ hahaha

it also weighs 30 kg and is meant to be mounted on a tank

baze is the best

- chirrut built his own lightbow! apparently used to be a thing the guardians did to symbolize the end of their training. I wonder if baze used to have one too? even more I wonder if they’ve always been part of the same uh ‘divisions’ or what have you within the guardians, because I think there are some implications that baze has been more of an assassin/focused on violent conflicts even before the empire came and chirrut hasn’t

- this book does not adequately capture chirrut’s trickster/funny side, making me wonder how much of that was an addition by the actor and how much was planned out

- honestly... more baze & chirrut (well baze/chirrut let’s not play here) prequel books WHEN. what does their living room look like (because we do know they live together) how did they meet, when exactly did baze lose his faith and chirrut his sight, what was their first kiss like 

inquiring minds want to know (it’s me I want to know) 

- unless the wording is deliberately misleading here chirrut was not born blind (though he won’t discuss how he ended up this way) and he’s learned his current fighting technique over a prolonged period of time 

- bodhi is a bit of a gambling addict! and specifically one who’s pretty good at it; even after the empire knows he’s a defector he gets past their restrictions because he’s saved up all the credits/favours/even id-vouchers he’s owed by other imperial grunts fsdhfksdjf precious I love him 

- saw gerrera’s medical droid a) has been modified so its programming won’t stop it from being able to dispense drugs at dangerous intervals, b) professes sheer bafflement that saw is still alive and c) is ‘frequently deactivated to prevent it from building an ethical case to discontinue treatment’. I find the whole thing darkly hilarious.  

- there are literally whole subplots going on in the crowd scenes on Jedha about a mad evil surgeon who ‘decraniates’ people (essentially turning them into mindless servile husks with all of their head above the nose cut off, somehow), a masked cop from the Milvayne Authority who’s gone rogue to do the right thing and hunt him down against orders, a death cult, a bunch of different religious sects, a translation droid who has befriended a group of local orphans and shares his credits with them so they can eat and he’s SAVING UP FOR A PROCESSOR UPGRADE SO HE CAN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF SPIRITUALITY ;_____; what the fuck I want a tv-series about this droid IMMEDIATELY 

- this book shows you just how crucial K-2 is as an asset and what a masterstroke cassian’s reprogramming of him is... and it says some very, very sweet things about cassian as a person under all the trauma and spy stuff that he essentially treats him as his best friend instead of a tool. cASSIAN he deserved to survive and have SO much therapy ;_____; ah well at least we’re getting a prequel series about him right? pls be good

- oh cassian was a proper separatist during the clone wars! he probably has some very interesting points of view about the republic pre- and post empire huh (this is what I love about the clone wars era; they have built SUCH a believable and interesting political world here, all shades of grey. there were separatists with very valid points even thought they were lead by a guy named COUNT DOOKU played by CHRISTOPHER LEE, the first sign that you should look inwards and ask yourself... wait are we the bad guys)

- it’s so much more understandable to me now who in the rebel leadership is for following jyn’s plan and who is not. (namely: the ministers of finance and industry are both Not Into challenging the empire directly, kind of understandably)

in depth description of weapons technology... I sleep. deep dives into the political structure of the alliance leadership and their backgrounds and motivations? I have never been happier

(this. sort of should have been in the actual movie tho things would have made more sense)

- BAIL ORGANA Leia’s actual dad out there lookin’ fiiine, being righteous and good, almost making me forget he’s going to die SO SOON oh fuck :( 

- orson krennic is, presumably straight faced, described as ‘a cruel but brilliant man’ which is PATENTLY LUDICROUS because krennic is by literally every indication a fucking idiot, he needs galen to do all the real work for him, he mouths off to DARTH VADER and then tarkin just effortlessly swoops in and fucks him over in the end, easily outmaneuvering him... orson krennic is a fucking loser I don’t care if he’s the one who introduced brutalist architecture to coruscant

lol lol lol *arrow pointing towards krennic’s head* ‘Keen mind dissects architectural puzzles and conspiratorial plots’ okay I see what happened here orson krennic wrote this book 

- oh galen erso is kind of one of the most interesting and heartbreaking characters in all of star wars. (and I do not say this just because of mads mikkelsen’s cheek bones) he’s incredibly intelligent but from a really poor family and wanted to eliminate the difference between rich and poor and invent a new form of infinitely renewable energy... and technically he did achieve that, except his old college buddy orson krennic immediately found a way to use his technology for genocide and he didn’t realize until it was too late :’) there is something so comforting in the fact that in the end galen still got the last laugh in the most epic but unsung way. he’s the sort of quiet Magnificent Bastard who doesn’t even care he’ll never get the credit as long as it worked. u did good on that one jyn

also several of the scientists galen is leading on eadu are in the same category as him -- captured and forced to work for the empire. so that’s great and not at all upsetting 

- galen and lyra’s falling in love story is kind of sweet (though naturally it pales against baze and chirrut’s whole deal but then who could compare) and the sheer effort and detail that’s gone into building the farmstead in the beginning we end up seeing for 5 minutes... dude (it feels very convincingly like somewhere a family would live though) 

- *sees that ‘databook’ is a concept that exists apparently; groans in fic research I thought ‘holodisc’ might do the job but maybe this is a better fit*

- I will say that my largest gripe with this movie is how glaringly unnecessarily male it is. there’s literally no reason for most of the rebels and ESPECIALLY all of the scientists to be male but here we are. 

well the stormtroopers could all canonically be any gender behind the armor so uh that’s. something lol

- despite being all desert-y jedha is apparently quite cool! temperature-wise I mean though the huge ancient statues lying everywhere are pretty awesome too

- wow stormtrooper armor really does just suck huh. it’s like ‘well it might protect you from a blaster bolt if you stand upwind and angle yourself just right, who knows’. I guess this is why everyone and their grandmothers are drooling over mando’s beskar lol

- star wars’ insistence on sticking to single-biome planets is so silly and I love it. stick to that incomprehensible world building decision lucasfilm I respect you

- mon mothma! basically the most important character in the star wars universe who most people won’t know about lol she’s like the anti-palps. for the most part she is one of the most Big Goods in all of star wars (along with bail) but also she’s played by the actress who voices moira in overwatch so I do instinctively distrust her whenever I hear her talk haha. called palpatine a ‘lying executioner’ to his face which is both admirably bold and remarkably restrained, considering all the things palpatine is.

- oof the two people mentioned the most on anakin/vader’s pages are palpatine and obi wan. that’s. hurtful and bad and awful. the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making me watch ‘clone wars’ because watching ‘clone wars’ actually made me care about anakin skywalker :(

-ah shit this is a lot of pages about pasty empire dudes i’ll uh come back to these lol

[starryeyedkoo]

All Too Familiar - Kim Taehyung

Genre: knight!au, e2l!au, angst, fluff

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Warnings: mentions of death and war, mature language, broken family, jealous tae, reader may be a little annoying until character development™

Word Count: 24.5k (i’m so sorry i got carried away)

Funny how the one person you were sure would completely confiscate your freedom brought you the closest you’d ever come to it. 

“What is this?” your father held in his hands a book with worn leather binding and yellowing pages. You felt your heart jump, unsure how he possibly could have found it. You scowled, thinking it must have been one of the servants that ratted you out.

“A book?” you lilted, blinking innocently.

“Yes, of course I know that, (y/n),” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “I also know that this book is not from the palace library.” His voice became increasingly more accusing, and you found it harder and harder to keep a straight face, letting your guiltiness be known to the naked eye. “You went out into town again, didn’t you?” he bellowed.

“I wore a cloak and hid my face, and I only went to the little library down in the village. It’s not far from here. I was gone for at most an hour!” you defended. You should have known you would get caught one of these days, but you would rather have to apologize rather than never experience it. The little town outside the walls called to you. You longed for more than these stone walls, yet in all your years, you had only seen a minute fraction of the world outside.

“Do you know how much could happen in an hour? It’s too dangerous! How many times do I have to tell you—”

His lecture was interrupted by a man wearing a knight’s uniform tearing through the entrance to the throne room in a panic. “Your majesty!” he called out, voice strained as he knelt before the king.

“Speak,” your father commanded calmly.

“On behalf of Captain Lee, I must request reinforcements to be sent to the battle at Ambrosia Field,” the soldier explains, still panting from his frantic entrance. Your father’s face became solemn as he contemplated the next step to make. The soldier’s face became worried at his hesitance. “Please, forgive me for speaking out of turn, Your Majesty, but our men are getting slaughtered out there as we speak.”

You felt a heavy pit form in your stomach as his voice shook when those words passed his lips. As the princess, you should be able to live on as if the tragedy your people were facing wasn’t happening with the safe and sheltered life you lived within the walls of the castle. You knew that’s what your people thought of you, too, as you heard several times before, some subjects openly expressing their opinions while out in town, but secretly you suffered with them.

“I understand. I will have troops sent for support there.” With that, the soldier bowed and expressed his desperate gratitude before leaving just as distressed as he had entered, rushing to send support to his comrades. Your father turned slowly back to you, the heavy weight of running a kingdom evident in the deep wrinkles engraved into his face. He spoke suddenly, breaking through the solemn silence, “That’s it. It can’t be delayed any longer. You’re no longer safe, (y/n).”

He started out of the room with a quick pace, and you followed behind just as fast. “What? Father, what do you mean?”

“I mean I’m recruiting someone that will serve as protection for you at all times.”

Your eyes became wide and you quickened your steps even more to step into his line of sight. “Father, you can’t do that! I don’t need protection! Please don’t do that!” you begged, but it was too late, for he was no longer listening to you, and your freedom as you knew it was as good as gone.

You felt pain everywhere. In your head as your hair was being pulled far too tightly into a ridiculous braided updo that was always described as “only fit for a royal.” In your abdomen as your ladies in waiting squeezed you into a horrendously tight corset and a constricting dress over the top of it. In your legs as you had been standing for hours to get into this tent of a skirt with a far too uncomfortable cage hanging around your hips to create the rounded shape around your lower half.

You felt pain everywhere. In your mind as you repeated and rehearsed all of the speeches and formalities you would have to give at the ceremony today. In your heart as you felt your last sliver of freedom that you barely had to begin with slipping away between your fingertips.

Today was the day your father would assign your very own appointed night. While it sounds glamorous and exciting to have your own person following you around and ensuring your safety and obeying your every word, you’ve had plenty of these people surrounding you for your entire life, and honestly, you didn’t see why even a single guard was necessary.

“You look beautiful, Your Highness.” One of your ladies stood before you, still making a few adjustments to the hem of your oversized skirt. This particular lady, however, was the closest to your age, only three years older than you, and she was the closest thing you had to a friend.

“I don’t feel beautiful, Jiwoo.” You rolled your eyes at the reflection staring back at your from the other side of your floor length mirror. Luckily, your ladies-in-waiting never tattled to your father when you were being less than pleasant as you were right now, so you were able to voice your frustrations around them. However, you wished they would sometimes speak back to you. It often felt as if you were speaking to a wall when you were talking to them because they were all hesitant to converse so casually with their princess, even Jiwoo most of the time. It was lonely. You continued to complain to them anyways, even if you knew you would get no confirmation that they were even listening in the first place. “Why do I need to have an appointed night? Nothing ever happens here in the castle! The biggest worry I have around here is spilling my drink on one of my favorite dresses!”

“Well, His Majesty believes it is necessary, so it must be done,” Jiwoo speaks carefully as she continues to fiddle with the frills on your sleeve. You only huffed out in annoyance and silently waited to finally step down from the stool on which you were standing to make your way to the ceremony, long-awaited by many—long-dreaded in your case.

The walls of the castle ballroom were ornately decorated for such a special occasion, with banners draped across their gilded lines, and the floor was filled with nobles and visitors lucky enough to see the royal family up close. You weren’t even sure why they bothered to come to a ceremony for something that had absolutely no effect on them. Perhaps for bragging rights to say they were even allowed to attend. Cheerful music played from a group of musicians to your right, in a stark contrast to your sour mood which you had to make an effort to hide from your subjects. You sat in your own throne, positioned to the left, slightly behind your father’s regal throne, which was also about twice the size of yours and much more ornate. After sitting in silence for an agonizing length of time, the royal advisor whispered to your father. The king then stood and all of the excited chatter of the audience died down and directed their undivided attention towards him. “As you all know, our kingdom is at war,” his voice boomed throughout the enormous room, his statement causing a small rise of chatter from the people. “Because times such as these can potentially be dangerous, I have decided to give my daughter, your future queen, a protector that I believe is skilled enough to defeat any who may dare approach her with ill will, and who is loyal enough to lay down his life for his princess. Today,” he paused, looking back to where you sat, motioning with his hand for you to take a place standing beside him, “he will be knighted and assigned as Princess (y/n)’s very own appointed knight.”

Although you couldn’t feel more down as the time continued to approach, you kept your chin held high and maintained your regal image you had been trained for so long to uphold. A short man with a horn then blew to once again silence the growing murmurs of the crowd, all wondering who this knight could be. The same man lowered his trumpet and announced, “Let the procession begin.”

With that, the music resumed, but this time it had a slower, more official tone to it to draw attention to the gravity of the situation. Though people were excited, this was only happening because there was a very real possibility of danger within the walls of the kingdom. One by one, pairs of knights walked in step with one another down the aisle towards you and your father. When they reached the end, they lowered themselves onto one knee and bowed to their ruler before taking their place to the sides of the aisle. Finally, after what must have been at least thirty pairs of knights, a single boy walks down the aisle, a stone cold, stoic expression donned upon his face. To the surprise of everyone who finally caught a glimpse of the to-be-knighted boy, he looked to be almost the same age as you, and he was still dressed in common training garb with dark blond hair and intense eyes.

You had heard things about this boy when you secretly listened into the maids gossip while they worked, believing no one else was around. They had said that he was only a year older than you, and he was still in training to become a knight, but he had shown great potential, so he had been chosen specifically by your father for this position, and they continued to chat about a plethora of other good things about his skill. However, you had also heard that he was rumored to be bold and could even be considered brash by some, and that he really couldn’t take things seriously at times and he really didn’t give a damn about his miraculous swordsmanship in comparison to the other trainees around him.

However, you never could have guessed he would possess these characteristics from the dignified composure he showed. Just as the other knights before him had done, he dropped onto one knee before the king, keeping his head bowed and a hand placed over his heart. You continued to watch the mysterious boy as your father retrieved the Knighting sword, but much to your bewilderment, he had the nerve to lift his gaze from where it focused on the ground to look into your eyes. It was already considered quite rude for a noble of a lower class to make eye contact with you, but for a trainee who had not even been knighted yet, a commoner, to meet your eyes was unheard of. He could be imprisoned just for that if you so wished. You felt your cheeks heat up and hoped it was not visible to him or the countless people watching, who strangely did not seem to notice what scandal had just occurred before their eyes. He simply smirked at your baffled reaction before returning his gaze to the floor as the King faced him with a sword in hand.

Your father then relayed a multitude of oaths that the boy swore by that you didn’t bother to listen to. Instead, you focused on the face of the boy kneeling before you. You would be lying if you said you weren’t offended. It wasn’t that you truly believed that others should be unable to meet your eyes, it was the fact that it was the first time someone had actually done it. It felt so foreign, yet somehow relieving. The more you thought about it actually, the more it intrigued you.

“Then having sworn these solemn oaths, know now that I, the King, by right of arms, do dub you with my sword, and by all that you hold sacred, true, and holy... Once for Honor... Twice for Duty... Thrice for Chivalry... Arise, Sir Taehyung!” your father announced just as an explosion of applause and shouts of excitement arose from the crowd as the new knight stood before them. However, the ceremony was not yet over until he was assigned specifically to you. “Sir Taehyung,” your father took your hand leading you down a step and placing it into your newly appointed knight’s hold, “I hereby declare that you will defend the princess with your life.”

Taehyung lifted your hand in his and placed a chaste and gentle kiss to your knuckles, but once again, he lifted his eyes to meet your own, leaving you breathless as his lips met your hand at the same time as his pupils focused on your own. It only lasted a split second, however, and you were sure no one else had seen once again.

After a beat of intense silence, a unified shout of joy ripped through the crowd in celebration of the exciting news of a new and special type of night. You stayed for a moment, putting on your best smile and gracefully waving to your subjects. Finally, it was time for you to leave. “Sir Taehyung, would you please escort me to my quarters?” you asked, turning towards the excited new knight.

“It would be my pleasure,” he agreed, bowing his head and waiting for you to take the lead. You didn’t even attempt to hide the roll of your eyes, which your father caught, causing him to clear his throat and give you a warning look. You gave a dramatic sigh, losing your regal posture as you slouched your shoulders and walked away with a pout.

The two of you suffered an unbearably silent walk to the other side of the castle where your room was located. When you finally reached your destination, Taehyung stepped in front to open the door for you, and while it seemed as if he may have been trying to act as properly as he could, you could see right through it and your eyes rolled back once more as you brushed past him. He began to laugh, but covered his mouth with his fist, lazily attempting to pass it off as a cough. “Well, Princess, looks like you’re stuck with me.”

“Yes, unfortunately I am,” you muttered under your breath, although you secretly wished that your knight would hear. You faced away from him as he walked through the doorway a few feet behind you, just before you heard the heavy wooden door slam as it did when someone who was unfamiliar with it let it fall behind them. You turned and found him standing in front of it, scanning and observing your room which you were sure was much bigger and more luxurious than any place he had been able to sleep in before. “What are you doing?” you questioned, your eyes flicking between him and the floor between the two of you. “You shouldn’t be in here. These are my private quarters.”

“Well my job is to keep an eye on you at all times, isn’t it?” You scoffed and a very obvious blush grew on your face. “You sure like to let your mind wander, don’t you, Princess?” He said with a smirk evident on his face as he walked the perimeter of your room until he stood before your sizable window, looking out on the expansive castle gardens and the towns just beyond the wall that separated them from the castle’s property. His hands connected behind his back as he observed the sights. “This is a beautiful view,” he mused, suddenly changing the subject.

You were caught off guard by the sudden softness of his voice. You lessened the distance between the two of you so you could see what he was talking about. The garden was in full bloom with a conglomeration of vibrantly colored flowers, and the sun was shining unusually bright. From the feeling it gave off, you never would have guessed there was a war going on just outside the border. “I suppose it is,” you contemplated. “I’ve never really paid much attention to it.”

He gasped. “If I could see something as beautiful as this everyday, I’d never take my eyes off of it.” His sudden sweet words left you speechless for reasons unknown and you couldn’t seem to take your eyes off of him. It was just more than anything you would have expected from someone like him. “There wasn’t some type of hidden meaning behind that if that’s what your thinking,” he stated, his smirk returned within seconds after he caught you staring. “I know I’m irresistible, but I’m just your knight. Don’t get the wrong idea, Princess.” He choked back a laugh, and your face flushed with embarrassment which soon turned to anger.

“That is not what I was thinking! Now get out!” you shouted, gripping him by the shoulders and practically dragging him out the door. Just after you slammed the door in his face, which still had no sign of remorse for what he had said, you added through the closed door, “And it’s ‘Your Highness’ to you!” You stomped over to your bed, flopping down face first into a pillow and groaned. You had to get rid of him.

“Father?” You knocked on the large wooden door at the entrance to your father’s quarters. You heard a hum from the other side signalling you to enter. You quietly slid through the door, finally free of your knight who had been following you like a moth to a flame when you told him to wait behind because you were going to speak with the king.

Your father was seated in a lounge chair by the fireplace, reading a book, turning his head to look at you when you entered. “What is it, (y/n)?”

You took tentative steps toward him, not sure how to begin your appeal. “It’s about Sir Taehyung,” you paused fiddling with your fingers. “I just don’t think he’s the right person for the job. Also, the guards stationed around the palace serve as good protection, so I don’t think having a personal knight is necessary.”

The king sighed, closing the pages of his book and placing it onto the table beside him. “He is a perfectly capable knight, and it calms my heart knowing that you are safer with him around. I’m sorry that you’re unhappy with the arrangement, but it is necessary.”

“But is it?” you talk back.

He gives you a stern glare for your offhand speech with him. “It is. I won’t discuss this any longer.” He picked up his book and began to read once again in attempts to make you give up your attempts to persuade him.

You regretfully made your way outside his room back into the castle corridors, where you found a certain blond-headed boy waiting for you. You paused in your tracks when his gaze met yours. “What are you doing out here? I told you to wait behind,” you reprimanded, crossing your arms as if talking to a child. It was beginning to feel that way, after all.

“I was waiting to escort you to your next destination, Princess—” he cut himself off by clearing his throat, although it was painfully obvious to be fake, “excuse me—Your Highness.” He corrected himself with an exaggerated bow, making your blood boil at his mockery. You chose not to satisfy him by giving him a reaction, so you simply stomped ahead of him and walked ahead. He caught up to just a few steps behind you as he began interrogating you, “So what was that little secret meeting about?”

“It’s private business. You have no need to know.” You turned your chin up at him.

You could practically hear the mischief in his voice when he spoke his next few words, feigning innocence, “You were trying to get rid of me, weren’t you?”

You were unable to hide your eyes widening from shock at his amazing deduction skills. “How did you—?”

He let out a chuckle at your bewilderment. “Those doors may be heavy, but they’re not sound proof.”

Your mouth gaped in shock as you looked bewildered around the room as if asking the nonexistent other people in the hallway, Can you believe this guy? “So you were eavesdropping? On the king? Well! I don’t think he’d be very happy to hear about this, but telling him would simply be the right thing to do, so it must be done!” you reasoned, spinning on your heel, practically sprinting back in hopes you could finally be rid of this leech of a knight.

He was calm, however, not making a move from where he stood, only calling out to you, “Are you sure about that? Don’t want to make dear old dad angry, now do we?” There was a certain bitterness in his voice that drew your attention from your previous excitement, practically giving you whiplash at his sudden 180 degree change of tone. You stopped where you were, only a few steps away from your father’s bedroom door, listening for what else the knight would say. “He gets a little too angry sometimes, doesn’t he?” All jesting nature had disappeared from his once carefree face and your eyebrows raised at his accusation.

“How…” You looked between him and the door. Your lips were parted and ready to speak, but no words came forth. You weren’t sure how he had been able to convince you, but you found yourself heeding his advice and turning away from your father’s quarters, taking only one last glance back to the door. Bottom lip caught between your teeth, you slowly walked back to meet him where he silently waited for you down the hall, eyeing him warily as you passed him by. You had to be careful with this one; not only was he a master with his sword, but it also seemed he was brilliant with his brain.

“I’m going for a ride,” you said to Taehyung over your shoulder from where you sat side-saddled on your horse, reigns already in hand. The sun shone brightly and you wanted nothing more than to breathe in some fresh air, so you decided you would go horseback riding, although since you would have to leave the confines of the guarded walls to do so, you couldn’t even dream of getting away with going without your knight. “Please stay a good distance back if you insist on following me.” And with that you flicked your wrists, causing the horse to take off before Taehyung had even finished mounting.

Once some distance had been made between you and the man following behind, you rubbed your horse’s neck to calm him and slow him to a trot. You took the few moments of silence and solitude to appreciate the landscape around you of the forest, with its green leaves and tangled vines, you had not been allowed to venture into for years now. You suppose that was one perk to having an appointed knight. Despite how pestering it was, it gave you the opportunity to do things you couldn’t before as long as he was with you. When you could finally hear the hooves of Taehyung’s horse, you had your horse speed up a bit once again.

You decided it was best to ignore him, so you continued to enjoy the scenery, from the rushing waters of the creek flowing by to your right to the towering trees above that sheltered you from the harsh summer sun. Above the tranquil sound of water, you heard the sound of a branch of a tree snapping, but didn’t think anything of it until a large branch came falling down just a few feet in front of you and your horse.

Before you had any time to react on your own, your horse did the job for you, abruptly pushing onto its back hooves and you were bucked off, falling to the side as the horse attempted to turn and run the other way, fortunately from the way you were thrown off, you landed feet first and did not have to worry about serious injury to your back or somewhere worse. Unfortunately, after you had a few seconds to process what had just happened and the numbing shock finally wore off, you felt tremendous pain in your left ankle.

Taehyung quickly dismounted from his horse and ran over to help you, calling out in concern, “Princess!” He reached you and grabbed hold of your arm to help you up, but you pushed his hands away and tried to stand on your own, but the feeling in your ankle only became worse and you immediately sat back onto the ground. He crouched down and looked you over. “Are you okay? Is something hurt?”

You gritted your teeth, pointing to where you were injured, “It’s my ankle.” Taehyung looked between you and your foot a few times before placing a hand under your back and beneath your knees to carry you to the royal infirmary.

After the doctor had seen you, informed you it was a sprain, and wrapped your ankle up, you sat dejectedly on the examination table, kicking your uninjured foot back and forth. Taehyung finally spoke, his voice quieter than usual, “We should probably get you back to your room.”

Before he could even make a move, you began to push yourself off the table, willing to land on your wounded ankle if it meant getting out of what you were afraid would happen next, but you weren’t fast enough. “Woah!” Taehyung quickly grabbed your shoulders, pushing you back away from the edge of the table before he began to support your weight.

“It’s alright. I’ll walk by myself,” you insisted, squirming to escape his grasp.

“Sorry, Princess, no can do. The doctor said you can’t put any weight on that ankle for the next several days.” His voice still possessed its signature lightness, but his face contrasted it, lips forming a thin line and brows drawn together in worry. You continued to give him trouble until he finally grabbed both of your wrists and he looked up to you, eyes wide as they met yours accompanied by turned down brows and lips. “Stop,” he chided sternly, the sudden depth in his voice causing a shiver to run down your spine and put a stop to all movement.

When he finally had you under control, he turned his back to you and bent down so he could carry you on his back. His hands slipped under your thighs to support you and suddenly everything felt much more scandalous than it was. You wrapped your arms around his neck and reluctantly rested your head on his shoulder. “I guess I should say thank you,” you sighed. “I made a really dumb decision.”

“Yeah, well, this is what happens when you try to make my job difficult.” You could hear that grin on his face.

Your remorse for the burden of him having to carry you suddenly vanished. “I was just trying to say thank you! Why couldn’t you just say ‘you’re welcome?’” you shouted in irritation, your voice echoing off the walls of the empty corridor.

He turned his head back to you, showing you a cheeky grin. “I guess I like to make things difficult for you, too.” You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t stop the little quirk up of your lips. He was still looking over his shoulder—the one on which you rested your head—and you suddenly realized how uncomfortably close your faces were to each other. You hastily straightened yourself up, jolting so much that Taehyung almost dropped you. Your face burned like never before now and you decided that it would be best to keep your head up for the rest of the walk, or else you may be subjected to the same view of Taehyung’s deep and captivating eyes.

You were scratching an ink pen across some parchment while seated at your desk, sipping on a cup of warm tea and thoroughly relishing in the silence of just you and the soft rain against the window. It was the late afternoon, just dark enough to rely on candlelight to work at your desk with the wonderful burning scent permeating the air of the large room. It felt as if recently you had been getting less and less time to have for yourself, which usually wouldn’t bother you so much since you were always cooped up in your room when you were younger, but you had no time to destress, so you used your time to relieve all the tension you’ve been feeling recently thanks to a certain someone. You heard a knock on the door, which you purposely ignored in hopes that the visitor would get the message and go away. Without bothering to wait for a response, however, said person waltzed through the door without a care in the world, revealing himself to be none other than Sir Taehyung. “Good afternoon, Princess. Sorry I wasn’t around all morning, I had some mandatory training.”

“Don’t be sorry. It was extremely pleasant,” you mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear, gathering your pile of papers into a messy stack and shoving them hurriedly into your desk drawer as he neared you, peering over your shoulder.

He brushed off your blow to his ego with ease, instead changing the subject, “What have you got there?” His eyes followed the nervous movement of your hands.

“It’s nothing,” you explained curtly, not bothering to try hiding your annoyance. “Please just mind your own business.” You waved him off, locking your drawer and creating distance between the two of you as you felt him hovering, although still limping on your injured ankle.

He became strangely serious in a mere few seconds, his brows furrowing and the edges of his lips turning downwards. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, Princess.”

“Yeah, well you sure have a knack for that,” you retorted sarcastically taking a seat on the edge of your bed. You glanced to Taehyung and he now seemed pretty peeved, and you began to wonder if you were taking things too far.

“Look, I’m just trying to be friendly,” he justified.

You should take that as a valid reason to lay off of him, but for some reason you were so angry. Maybe you weren’t necessarily angry at him, but you were angry with your situation, and he was the easiest to blame, so that’s exactly what you did. “Well, stop. I don’t want to be friends. I don’t want you around at all.”

As you felt the air in the room suddenly become strained, this time, Taehyung remained silent, which was a rare occurrence since he always had to have the last word. You easily could have stopped there, but there was no telling when you would be able to shut yourself up now. “But no. You’re always around, trying to make my life miserable, I’m sure. I can’t stand it!”

He scoffed, finally losing the last bit of his cool composure, becoming angry. You should have known his facade would come crashing down sooner or later since this was the only manner in which you had spoken to him since he was knighted a little over two weeks beforehand, and he was probably getting a little tired of it by now. “How do you think I feel? The only reason I’m even here is because I’m just doing my job! I miss my friends back in the barracks. I’d much rather spend my days with them than with a stuck up princess like you!”

“Stuck up?” you questioned, offended, whether you had a right to be or not, you dismissed.

He took a step forward, letting his sincerity be shown. “Yes. You’re a stuck up brat. You get anything you could possibly want, and yet the only words I’ve ever heard from you are complaints! Trust me, no one would willingly spend any time around you!” You couldn’t hide the fact that what he just said had actually hurt you. It all went back to the fact that the townspeople frequently badmouthed you, and your ladies-in-waiting never spoke back. Was he right? “Do you know how difficult you are to put up with?” His voice becoming louder by the second, only making your desire to fight back even stronger.

“Well, same goes to you! You’re a handful yourself, with your nosiness and all that!” you shouted back at him, pointing a finger at his face to stress your annoyance. “I’m glad there’s at least one thing we can agree on!”

“Yeah? What’s that?” he sarcastically expressed wonder, although he truly didn’t what the two of you could possibly share.

“We both hate this arrangement!” you yelled.

“Yeah alright, whine all you want, but you have no idea what actual hardships are! You’ve been served on a silver platter your entire life! You’ve never had to do a goddamn thing for yourself! I’m surprised you even know how to breathe without someone helping you do that, too!” You defensively crossed your arms over your chest. You really did have everything handed to you, though not necessarily by choice. “I’ve had to work so hard to get where I am today!”

“Oh, please. Everyone knows you’re a prodigy.”

“You know nothing!” You wanted to throw his insults back at him, but with the way his breathing became uneven, you decided that retorting might be a mistake. “My father was one of the most skilled and most noble knights anyone had ever known. I admired him and I wanted to be just like him. So badly. All I ever wanted was to make him proud, so I worked my ass off day and night to even be considered as a trainee. Then, you know what? Your fool of a father sent him off to war and got him killed!” he bellowed in rage, causing you stop short at his sudden violent shout.

He was seething and his hands were tightly clenched at his sides as he no longer looked you in the eye, his eyes instead focusing on the far corner of the room. “And now he’ll never see his son be just like him.” His face softened and his hands let loose as the tension in his muscles began to dissolve.

You were frozen in place, already beginning to feel terribly guilty for blaming him for your troubles when it wasn’t even his fault, and then you had to discover this tragic past of his. You knew you shouldn’t speak and just let Taehyung have some space to think, but you couldn’t stop the words from leaving your mouth. “I… I’m sure he’s very proud of you… wherever he is.” Your voice was small and timid, but you hoped maybe he would find some sort of comfort in your words.

Instead, his expression hardened once again, forcing a cold stare to meet your gaze. “Yeah, well, he’s not here, so I guess it doesn’t matter now, does it?” His intimidating eyes didn’t leave yours for a few moments until he finally turned on his heel without a word and left, slamming the door behind him.

Four tense days had passed since Taehyung lost his composure in front of you like that, and you hadn’t seen much of him since. You couldn’t blame him, after all, since all you had been trying to do since he was assigned to you was just that: drive him away. Now he hadn’t spoken a word to you recently, instead opting for sitting outside your bedroom door and keeping a good distance away from you at all times when he had to accompany you somewhere, which was only around the palace so far since you couldn’t even think about asking him to take you anywhere else with the stiff and strained atmosphere that followed wherever the both of you went. Now that he wasn’t around anymore and you had finally achieved your initial goal, you realized how big of a mistake that was. You were never looking for it to become this bad, and as much as you hate to admit it, you miss his teasing and his jokes and his sly remarks. As much as they made your blood boil then, you never took the time to realize that it was a breath of fresh air, as no one else would even dare speak to you the way he did. And it was… freeing. Funny how the one person you were sure would completely confiscate your freedom brought you the closest you’d ever come to it.

These thoughts had been occupying your mind for days now, but at this point, they were keeping you awake. You had been pacing throughout your room, your limp finally manageable enough to get around easily on your own, lower lip caught between your teeth, for what felt like an hour contemplating whether you should sneak out to get some air like you were so tempted to do. Finally, you came to the conclusion you weren’t getting any sleep anyway, so you threw on your cloak and a pair of shoes. You tiptoed over to you door and carefully pulled it open, wincing at the way it creaked as you tried to open it slowly and silently in hopes of not waking you night guard who usually fell asleep on the job. When you peaked out of the crack of the door, you saw no one. Your eyes scanned downward as they sensed a presence from below and you found your guard sitting against the wall. Except it wasn’t your night guard. It was Taehyung.

His head still rested against the wall, but his eyes slid over to you now standing just outside your room, drooping as he fought against what seemed like extreme drowsiness to keep them open. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you sleeping?” you whispered. Taehyung was your knight during the day, but at night, he still went back to sleep in the barracks. He was human. He couldn’t be around at all times. So why was he here now?

“Your night guard got thrown out after he was caught sleeping on the job, so I’m taking his position until he is replaced,” he mumbled. You almost laughed at how predictable the termination of your night guard’s job was. Dismissing that, you knelt down next to him and he gave a curious look.

“You must be exhausted,” you sympathized, unable to hide the worry in your voice.

He breathed out a heavy sigh, standing up, surprising you with his sudden energy. “No, not really. I’m okay.” He gave a tight smile. “Now what are you doing up so late? And where were you going dressed like that?” he interrogated, giving a pointed look at your cloak and shoes, making it obvious you were planning to leave the building.

“Nowhere!” you fibbed, a tight smile stretching across your face. Taehyung saw right through it though, tilting his head to the side and raising his eyebrows knowingly. “Alright, fine. I was going to sneak out tonight. I couldn’t sleep and I needed some air.” You chose to leave out the man in front of you was the very reason for your sleeplessness and anxieties, especially because you weren’t even sure why. An idea popped into your head while examining his face, which he probably caught you doing, but you changed the subject quickly. “I’d still like to go. That is, if you’re willing to accompany me.”

He looked bewildered at your ridiculous idea. “Now? At this time of night? I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he worried, shaking his head disapprovingly.

“Please? I just want to go for a walk in the garden. We won’t even be leaving the castle walls!” you begged, but he still looked unconvinced, probably affected by how much he’d rather be sleeping at the moment. “Come on. It’ll be fine,” you grabbed his hand and pulled him after you, and to your surprise, he went along silently.

After cautiously sneaking past more guards who would completely disapprove of your little midnight escapade and convincing the more lenient ones to let you pass, you finally reached the entrance to the royal garden, marked by an impressive flowering archway.

The night air possessed a bit of a chill, causing Taehyung to dig his hands into the pockets of his pants while you wrapped your cloak around you tighter. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it would be cold. We can go back inside if you want,” you suggested catching the slight chatter of his teeth.

“No, it’s alright,” he insisted, shaking his head. “I’ve never been here before anyway, so I’d like to see it.”

Your surprise was easily showcased in your expression, causing Taehyung to chuckle at the comic widening of your eyes. It never occurred to you that most people didn’t have the pleasure of wandering these gardens like you often did, and quite frankly, took advantage of. You forced yourself to return to a neutral state, calmly glancing at your surroundings, characterized with patches of multicolored flowers lining the stoney walkways. “Well, I’m glad that I’m the one who has the honor to show you around.” You flashed him a quick smile before picking up your pace and tilting your head to have him follow along.

Although you were slowed down by your still-healing ankle, Taehyung was patient and let you lead the way, completely endeared by your childlike enthusiasm. You led him along the widest cobblestone path to a wooden bridge stretching from one side of a creek running through the garden to the other. When the both of you reached the middle of the bridge, you sighed leaning on your elbows on the railing, looking over into the water below. “Welcome to my favorite part of this garden.”

Taehyung would be lying if he said it wasn’t a little… underwhelming, but he assumed there must be a reason it gave you that sparkling, dreamlike look in your eyes. He followed your lead and leaned over the railing as well, looking down and being met with both of your reflections in the rippling water, easy to be seen thanks to the bright moonlight. After he was done studying the mirror image of the both of you side-by-side, he turned his attention to the several flowers resting atop the surface of the water. “Water lilies,” you spoke softly as he looked up to you meeting your gaze as you had already been looking for his reaction. “I know this really isn’t much, but I really love those flowers, so this bridge just became my favorite place.”

Taehyung continued to observe the scenery. “No, I think I get it,” he contemplated. “There’s something special about them, and that’s why you love them.” He let his gaze wander back to you, once again staring down at the white and pink petals in the water, and finished his thought without thinking, “They’re different… like you.”

Your face contorted into a hesitant laugh as you weren’t sure whether that was meant to be one of his jokes he often throws at you or not. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Taehyung tried to hide the panic he felt after letting his words slip, and he covered it up with a lighthearted chuckle. “Come on. We both know you’re not normal, Princess.”

If it had been a few days ago, you would have gotten angry with him because of a remark like that, but today, you were only able to laugh along with him, feeling relieved that you didn’t have to be upset with him all the time. However, one thing he said bothered you. “(Y/n),” you corrected softly.

Taehyung only tilted his head and slightly squinted his eyes, a question obviously on the tip of his tongue. “Call me (y/n) from now on.” His eyes shook with surprise. “The title princess really is just too much for me. I’m tired of being the princess. I want to be just (y/n) for once.”

He gave you what you thought was the first genuine smile you’d ever seen from him as he quietly agreed, “Okay.” You felt weight float off your shoulders knowing that right there, right then, you didn’t have any expectations to meet. It was just you, and him, and the moonlight’s beams on your favorite flowers below.

You shifted uncomfortably, hating to bring up the subject, but you knew you had to say it at some point. “I’m sorry for all the horrible things I’ve said to you by the way.” Taehyung shifted, resting his chin in his palm and facing you a bit more, a smile still dancing on his face despite you becoming more solemn. “I was never actually angry with you. I just thought I was.” There was so much more you wished to say, but the words wouldn’t form, so you let silence take the lead.

Taehyung didn’t respond verbally, but he gave a nod and an understanding smile that gave you enough assurance that you were forgiven.

You wanted to ask about one more thing that had been weighing heavily on you mind ever since you had argued with Taehyung. “By the way… did you mean what you said the other day?” he gives you a questioning look, signaling you to clarify. “That no one would actually willingly spend time with me? I guess that makes sense since the only person around here that I consider a friend… isn’t really a friend… and I don’t really talk to anyone.” You couldn’t prevent the tears that began to pool in your eyes as you finally acknowledge out loud the loneliness you’d just simply become accustomed to. “Well, except for you.” You let out a weak chuckle, the squint of your eyes pushing a stray tear to roll down your cheek.

Feeling guilty at his words whether he meant them that night or not, Taehyung reached out to you,  contemplating whether to wipe your tears, or grab your hand, or maybe that was too much. He retracted his hand. “No. I didn’t mean that. I was just angry. I’m sorry,” he spoke firmly but genuinely, hoping that you would believe him.

The two of you let silence fill the space between you, which, you both noted, had somehow decreased exponentially from when you first arrived on the bridge. Hearing Taehyung let out another shiver, the cold of night still present, you suggested with a shy smile, still sniffling, “Let’s go back inside.”

You two successfully snuck yourselves back to the hallway just outside your bedroom door and you opened the door, prepared to be welcomed by the inviting comfort of your bed, but you stopped as Taehyung slumped against the wall once again, ready to resume his night guard duties. You wanted to slap yourself for the words that were about to escape you, but you couldn’t bare to leave him out there while you slept the rest of the night away. “Why don’t you come inside and get some sleep?” He gave you look to let you know you were just as insane as you sounded.

“Do you know what could happen to me if I got caught staying in the princess’ bedroom over night?”

You rolled your eyes, but also felt a blush creep onto your cheeks at the implications. “You can just sleep on the window seat—which is super comfortable by the way— and no one would ever know. And even if someone did find out, I could easily explain the situation. There’s no way you can be expected to stay out there all night with no sleep.”

While Taehyung’s rational side was giving him every signal for no, the soft call of sleep was louder than any alarm going off in his head, so he finally accepted your offer. You led him over to lay on the window seat, then you brought him a few extra pillows and a blanket. “Wait,” he suddenly voiced, causing you to stop in your tracks on the way to your own bed in search of sleep. “What if someone comes after you and I’m not awake to notice?” he worried, eyes widened.

You had to laugh at his innocence. “First of all, that won’t happen, but if it does, I’m sure you’ll wake up to protect me.��� you smiled down at him, seemingly calming his nerves. You finally reached your soft mattress, tucking yourself into the silky sheets and resting your head on the fluffy pillows. “Goodnight,” you called across the room as you blew out the candle on your desk.

“Goodnight,” you heard him softly echo, sounding as if he’s already on the brink of sleep. You watched his outline lit up by the moonlight finally still and turned yourself over once you assumed Taehyung had gotten some rest for himself, eyes fluttering shut now that you finally had some peace of mind.

You had just finished up with a dress-fitting that you were suddenly called to early in the morning, which confused you since there was usually a reason for these things, but as far as you knew there was nothing special to have a new dress made for. Your ladies walked you back to your bedroom since you decided it would probably be a little inappropriate if Taehyung was around while you were being fitted. You reached your room and dismissed the two women following just behind you with a small nod and a polite smile.

You found Taehyung already waiting for you, sitting on the bench at the foot of your mattress, examining the cover of a book. “A Lover’s Temptation,” he drawled out, reading its title before giving you an openly judgmental stare. You gasped, rushing over to where he sat as he choked back a laugh at your blushing cheeks, wrestling the book from his hands as he fought to lift it out of your reach. You knew the two of you had become more comfortable around each other since that night in the garden, but this was just a bit too much. You finally pried it from his grip and playfully smacked him with it on the shoulder with a “Hey!” feigning annoyance, but giving him a genuine smile nonetheless. He mirrored with a gleaming grin of his own, leaning back onto his hands looking up at you.

You tucked the book back into its place in your mahogany shelves, turning around defensively crossing your arms over your chest with a pout. “Listen, I know it’s cheesy,” you defended, “but I was running out of things to read.”

“Running out?” he questioned with doubt, eyes traveling up and down your towering shelf filled to its full capacity with tightly-squeezed books, almost to the point that it looked as if it would fall apart if one more page were to be added. “You sure like reading, don’t you?”

“I do! And yes, I’ve already read all of those,” you stated matter-of-factly. “It’s easy when you spend as much time trapped in this castle as I do.”

The edges of Taehyung’s lips turned down in sympathy as he could hear the bitterness behind the laugh you covered it up with. “What about the palace library? Don’t they have anything to read?” he suggested.

“Oh, there’s plenty of books in there, alright,” you mused, “but they’re no good. Most of them are just historical records of the royal family.” You swiftly turned back to the shelf, searching through the multitude of titles. “Although, there was one book that I found in the library. It’s actually my favorite! It’s this tragic love story about—” you began veering off on a tangent until Taehyung cut it short.

The term “tragic love story” setting off an alarm in his head, causing him to cut you off, he groaned, “Please tell me it’s not Romeo and Juliet.”

“No way,” you laughed in disbelief, turning around with the book you were searching for in hand, cradled tightly to your chest. “That book is so unrealistic. It’s impossible to fall in love in one night. Love is patient. It takes time.” You let a shy smile slowly grow on your face, a gleam in your eye as you pondered about the realness and rawness of true love, the type you always dreamed about, reflected in your many hours invested in reading romance novels, cheesy or not. You hadn’t noticed it, Taehyung hadn’t even realized himself, but he couldn’t take his eyes off your beautiful lips and the way they formed your smile, and without knowing, it became one of his favorite sights.

You snapped out of your thoughts, blinking slowly and returning your attention to your conversation with Taehyung. “Anyways, it’s a story written hundreds of years ago by a court poet within this very castle. He fell in love with his princess, and she loved him back, but they couldn’t be together because she had to marry a prince. He wrote about his heartbreak and the pains of falling in love, and I can’t help but hurt every time I read it,” you explained sadly, knowing that one day you yourself would marry a prince, and now more than ever for some reason, you feared the prospect of falling in love with someone else. “Despite that, though, it’s a fantastic book. You really should read it.” You held the book out to him, a hopeful smile suddenly on display.

He waved his hand dismissively, not wanting to be rude, but completely uninterested. He’d much rather hear you talk about it once more. “Actually, I don’t read much.”

“Well, then, this is the perfect way to start! It’s simple and easy to understand, and it’s not long!” you insisted. Taehyung shook his head once more, trying to resist even though your excitement made it extremely difficult. “Please?” you asked one last time.

He sighed, finally giving in and taking the book you held out for him, “Fine.” Since when did he become so easily swayed by you? Of course, he wasn’t actually going to read it. He just said he would to see that smile on your face one more time.

Your father called you for a meeting in the throne room early in the morning only a few days after Taehyung had come to realize just how much that smile meant to him. He had tried his best calming your nerves on the way there as you knew that meetings so early in the morning never brought the best of news. Now you stood before your father, seated in his throne before you as per usual, however, what was out of the ordinary, were the several unfamiliar men standing to the side of him, seemingly waiting as well for your arrival. Taehyung, who had been close by your side just on the other side of the door, moved away from you and took his place standing by the door, waiting until you were ready to leave the room once again. You walked further into the room, but cast a glance back to him over your shoulder, and he smiled encouragingly, sensing your hesitance.

You finally stopped once you were standing before the steps up to the throne, nervously gazing up to your father, but still taking quick glances at the three men standing around him. He cleared his throat before speaking, “(Y/n), you’re 21 years of age now, and as you know, you have some responsibilities to fill now that you have come of age.” Suddenly your mouth ran dry in realization. This was why you were woken up so early without notice and forced into an unusually tight and uncomfortable dress. This was why you suddenly had so much more official work and training to complete. This was why you were mysteriously fitted for a new dress. For a ball. For a suitor’s ball. These men were suitors.

“One of those duties is marriage. I have chosen these three princes as candidates for you to marry. I expect you to treat them with hospitality during their stay here.” You always thought that when this moment came, you would only feel numb because you had imagined this scenario so many times in your head, but in actuality, it hurt and you wanted to scream and cry because for some reason you let yourself hope for one second that love might come to you instead of being forced into it. You had to hold your breath to keep from letting out a sob. You couldn’t lose your composure in front of these suitors, or else it could ruin everything. Instead, you took shallow breaths and kept your bottom lip between your teeth to hide its quivering. You only nodded. That was all you could bring yourself to do.

“These young men are princes from neighboring kingdoms. First is Prince Seokjin from the Kim Kingdom.” The tallest of the three, with wide shoulders and a handsome face, stepped forward, a polite and well-trained neutral expression on his features. He seemed several years older than you. As tradition goes, you held out your hand for him to press a kiss to your knuckles, despite how difficult it was to release the tight grip you had on your skirt that surely crumpled the expensive material.

“Next is Prince Yoongi of the Min Kingdom.” The man in the middle, the shortest of the three, stepped forward and did the same, pressing his lips to your knuckles, but his face was mysterious and unreadable.

“Lastly, Prince Hoseok from the Jung Kingdom.” The last man swiftly stepped forward and took your hand, holding a bit longer than the two princes before had done, stopping to look into your eyes, giving a charming smile. However there was a hint of worry or sympathy or something you couldn’t quite place in his eyes, and you assumed he could see right through your facade, making you wonder if it was as obvious to the other princes as well. He pressed a kiss to the top of your hand as well and stepped back, keeping his careful eyes trained on you.

“We will have a ball tomorrow night in order for you to meet them properly. After that, it is up to you to get to know them and make a decision,” your father concluded.

You breathed deeply through your nose hoping desperately that your voice would come across as steady. “I understand, Father. I will do so.” You forced a tight smile and nodded to each of the suitors before hastily turning on your heel, letting restrained tears fall just as your face had escaped their line of sight.

You saw Taehyung still waiting in his place, hands clasped behind his back and his usual stone cold expression donned on his face when working in front of your father. Whether it was to maintain an air of professionalism or to mask his secret hatred for your father, you weren’t sure, but you do know that today was the first time you saw the stone crack, his lips parting and his eyes following you intently as he observed the glistening on your cheeks.

You pushed the doors open yourself and walked up the stairs and through the lengthy hallways with silent tears, Taehyung following closely behind, not sure how to make it better. He knew it wasn’t part of his job to make it better, but he didn’t care because you weren’t just a job anymore. He cared about you, but that didn’t mean anything because he was just your knight and as much as it hurt him to accept, there was no way he could help you. All he could do was watch as his favorite smile crumbled before him, eroded away and replaced by bitter tears.

You reached your room and melted down, sitting on the soft mattress of your bed that usually brought comfort, but instead today, it felt as if you were falling straight through to the ground. Now that you were alone in your bedroom, just you and your loyal knight who still stood right beside you, yet not making a move, you could finally stop hiding. Letting go, a sob ripped through your chest so violently that you doubled over, hands gripping at the hair in the back of your head.

You felt a hesitant touch on your back and your hands came down and rested on your knees as you sat upright again. Before you knew it, the comfort of the warm palm was gone again. “Please don’t cry,” Taehyung whispered. He knew that’s not what you needed to hear, but that was all he said. That was all he could say for he felt he was already overstepping the boundary between princess and knight. Suddenly, his breath hitched in his throat as he felt your head nuzzle into his chest as you continued to cry, desperately gripping onto the material of his shirt. He knew he shouldn’t do what he so badly wished to do, but he couldn’t hold himself back any longer, so he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you even closer, trying his best just to do his job which was to protect you from the evil in this world, even if this evil was inescapable.

It was all far too familiar. The way you were constricted in a tight dress in a way that showed off your body in order to somehow impress while also staying modest. The way you looked at yourself in the mirror and saw the ghost of your hope hovering like a rain cloud over your head, occupied by miserable and tired eyes. It had been this way before, when you were preparing for Taehyung’s knighting ceremony, but somehow this was worse. Before, you were scared of losing freedom that you never really had. Now, you knew that after finally feeling liberation in the form of deep brown eyes and a rectangular smile, everything would really be snatched from right before your eyes. You weren’t exactly sure why your mind lingered on your knight when anxiety about your future marriage ensued. Taehyung was your friend. Surely, he would still be there after it was all over, right?

Speaking of the knight, you would not be seeing him until you arrived at the ball, and even when you were there, he would be serving as a regular guard since your father thought it be a bad idea to have someone lingering around while you were supposed to be spending time with the suitors. The thought made your frown deepen as you realized you would be stuck for hours making small talk with people you had no desire to know. However, Taehyung had promised you he would be there for you to go to when you were feeling anxious, which you were sure would happen in several instances tonight.

Jiwoo helped you down from the step stool, smoothing out the wide skirt of your gown one last time before leading you to the ballroom along with your other ladies-in-waiting. The ball had already started, but of course, you were going to arrive a bit late in order to make a grand entrance. This just so happened to be the exact opposite of what you wanted, knowing the moment you step foot inside the dance hall, all eyes would be on you, criticizing every move you made.

As the grand doors swung open and your presence was announced by the man with the staff by the door, it played out just as you expected. All heads turned towards you, scrutinizing gazes picking apart every part of your wardrobe, your actions, your composure. You gave a regal wave and carefully descended the stairs, met at the bottom by a gloved hand stretched out to take yours in its grasp. Your eyes followed the fingertips up to the face of the body they belonged to, finding the charming face of Prince Seokjin, smiling up at you as he helped you down the last few steps. He leaned in close, whispering in your ear, “Good evening, Princess. You look wonderful tonight.” You were still jittery from seeing the attendees had still not lost interest in your arrival, but the prince’s sudden proximity did nothing to help your nerves. “May I have this dance?” he requested, already leading you to the center of the marble floors.

The people watched for the first few steps of your dance before eventually returning to their own agendas, leaving just a few select eyes on you. As Prince Seokjin began to make small talk with you, you looked around observing the gazes you still felt were those of your father, of course, the two other princes observing closely from the edge of the room, and a few other extraneous sets of eyes from other partygoers. Seokjin talked about his and your kingdom's respective economies and how your marriage could possibly benefit the both of them while you scanned the room for one particular person, and finally you found him. He had been leaning against a decorative pillar and you could have sworn you caught his eyes flick away when you had found him. He looked bored, even borderline irritated, which you couldn’t blame him for as you were feeling the same way yourself. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Seokjin, he had a pleasant air about him and a wonderful, regal smile. It was the fact that you knew just by how he spoke that he wasn’t interested in marrying you for love, but because it was his duty as soon-to-be-king of his land.

The song finally ended and the two of you parted after he gave a deep bow which you returned with a polite curtsy. You turned on your heel in order to make it to where you saw Taehyung standing before, but he was no longer there when you searched once again. Refraining from letting a confused pout show itself in front of all these important people, you decided to take a walk around and greet some guests. You conversed with some older dukes and duchesses, them asking about your plans for the future and you answering with a very complex and diplomatic version of ‘I don’t know.’

You began wandering around through the crowd once more, still keeping an eye out for your knight when the hem of your dress was suddenly caught behind you, making you stumble backwards as you continued to move forward. You felt a hand on your shoulder helping to steady you, and you followed it to find the face of Prince Yoongi. “My apologies, Princess,” he spoke softly once he helped you to stand up straight once again.

“That’s alright,” you insisted with a warm smile. “I’m surprised you’re the first to do that tonight. This dress is a bit difficult to avoid.” You gave a friendly laugh despite the atmosphere soon becoming awkward and stiff as the prince said nothing else even though you stood, expecting something more.

“I’m not going to ask you to dance, if that’s what you’re waiting for.” Your smile faltered, taken aback by his bluntness. “I don’t think either of us really want that.” He turned and ambled away while you mutter a soft and confused ‘thank you,’ although you weren’t really sure whether you should be thankful for that.

You sighed and finally gave in to going over to the food table, secretly hoping Taehyung maybe started camping out there halfway through the night when he inevitably got bored. He wasn’t there either, though, and you couldn’t help but let the fact that your heart sunk in your chest become evident in your entire body expression. After all, he had promised he would be there for you tonight, but here he was, nowhere to be seen when truly you needed him. You took a few glances around to make sure no one was looking before quickly downing a large gulp of one of the glasses of wine they had set out for guests, needing something to lift your spirits.  

“Hello, Princess!” Just as you thought you were safe, you heard a cheerful greeting from your right, causing you to choke on the drink you had hoped no one who catch you with. You put a hand over your mouth, ungracefully coughing as you turned to find Prince Hoseok beaming at you. He quickly began to look worried however, tentatively placing a hand on your shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. Are you alright?”

You cleared your throat one last time before grinning up at him, unable to stop yourself from laughing at your own embarrassment, which he soon joined once he knew that you were okay. “I’m alright. I just can’t believe I got caught.”

“I can’t blame you. These things do tend to get a little boring,” he sympathized. “I’ve noticed you don’t seem to like crowds too much, either.”

“No, I can’t say that I do. These big formal events have never really been my thing,” you explained, earning an understanding nod from Hoseok.

“In that case, I’ll do you a favor and not ask you to dance.”

“You’re the second person to tell me that tonight!” you laughed. “I guess no one wants to dance with me,” you said, faking a pout.

Hoseok’s face became panicked and he quickly took back his statement. “No, I didn’t mean that! I’d love to dance with you, really! I just thought—”

You stopped him short in his frantic apology, laughing, “I was kidding! Please don’t make me dance.”

His tensed shoulders released as he mirrored your chuckle once again. “You had me worried there,” he sighed. “I thought I had really lost my chances of winning your heart there for a second.” You had completely forgotten that you were supposed to be deciding who you would marry and that this man was one of the candidates, which you supposed was a good thing, that he could take your mind off of it, but you weren’t sure how to interpret the intentions behind the fact that he brought up the subject so casually. Luckily, you were able to have comfortable conversation with Hoseok for the rest of the night without mentioning the dreaded subject of the future again.

You trudged back to your bedroom with your heels in hand since your feet were in stinging pain after having to stand for hours on end at the ball. You were so exhausted, you felt as if you could barely push the door open, but when you finally were able to, you wished you didn’t. You found Taehyung standing at your dresser just beside the drawer observing the little jewelry music box that had been sitting there untouched for years. “Oh, you’re back,” he acknowledged, opening the box to reveal the tiny figurine of a dancing girl and twisting the silver handle on the side of the box, filling the room with its twinkling melody.

You couldn’t hide your annoyance at him as you shut the door behind you a bit harder than usual and drowsily stomped in his direction. “So this is where you’ve been all night?” you questioned, slamming the music box closed and abruptly halting its tune as you passed by, not sparing the knight a glance.

“No, not all night. I went on duty outside for a little while, then I went by the barracks. Now I’m here.” He spoke so casually it boiled your blood even more, which he seemed to finally pick up on. “Are you upset?”

You gave an obvious sigh to point out your exasperation. “Yes, I am upset. Why weren’t you there tonight?” you asked him, letting him know full well that you were angry.

“What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t stand watching you talk with all those princes that only want to marry you.” His voice came out stronger than intended.

You froze, narrowing your eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He hesitated, eyes widening in regret of his previous words before stuttering out, “I-I felt bad for you. You looked so awkward and miserable from what I saw. It was hard to watch.”

“Well, I’m sorry my struggles are so offensive to you,” you scoffed, anger returning when his explanation was nowhere near what you hoped it would be. “That’s why I needed you, though, and you weren’t there! And I’ll have you know that once you left I had a much better time. It turns out Prince Hoseok is quite the conversationalist.”

He felt jealousy bubble up within him and a bitter scowl crept onto his lips. “Then it sounds like you didn’t need me,” he defended, finally turning to face you.

“Yes, but the point is that you promised me you would be there, but you weren’t.” You finally broke the facade of anger and revealed your true disappointment to him, crossing your arms over your chest.

His face softened and he closed the large gap across the room between you until he only stood a few feet away. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have left you when you needed me. I promise it won’t happen again,” he admitted remorsefully, looking down at the ground between you. You could tell his apology was genuine, although you still hadn’t completely forgiven him, you gave him a small smile, reaching out and taking his hand into your own. The way your fingers laced together and your eyes locked with each other’s felt a bit too intimate to be friendly, but that’s all it was. You were just friends.

The next day you awoke to the news that Prince Seokjin had asked you to join him for lunch and a walk through the garden, so you were promptly pampered and prepared for your date that afternoon. You hated that it was referred to as a date, making it feel as if it were something completely different than what was basically a mandatory business meeting. You and Seokjin enjoyed a lovely meal made by your finest chefs and discussed topics ranging from weather to possible battle strategies as he offered his larger army for aid in the war. Once the both of you began your stroll through the garden, Taehyung had the job of trailing far behind, only barely close enough to ensure your safety. You had been feeling his eyes on you every so often throughout your travels, but when Seokjin led you on top of the bridge with the water lilies, stopping to look down at the water with you, you were sure you were feeling his gaze burning into the back of your head.

Before parting ways, you gave Prince Seokjin a curtsy before heading straight away to your poor lonely knight. Although you were both mentally and physically tired, you playfully bounced over to where he stood, examining a particular flower very closely for some reason. He leisurely turned to meet your gaze, however his mood clearly did not match your own, his smile clearly seeming forced upon his lips as it did not travel to his eyes. Your lips immediately turned down in concern. “What’s wrong?”

He let out a weak and once again facetious chortle, insisting, “Nothing. I just don’t particularly enjoy following you and your prince around on your romantic outings.”

You choked back an obnoxious laugh at his interpretation of the date with Seokjin. “Trust me, that was anything but romantic.” You paused in reflection of all that you had conversed about. “I do suppose Prince Seokjin is the most practical choice for marriage, however, considering his ability to turn the tides of this war,” you sighed, trying to rationalize your thoughts into something close to a decision, even though you knew you were still far from making up your mind.

He arched a brow and wore a smug face. “You don’t need some prince and his army to save this kingdom. I can save you and everyone here single-handedly,” he boasted, gesturing to himself in a grand way.

You laughed as what you assumed was a joke and gave him a pat on the shoulder saying “I’m sure you could.” Little did you know, however, it really hadn’t been a joke on Taehyung’s part. He was just envious that you thought you had to depend on anyone besides him. You noticed his still somewhat sour mood, still not believing his response was truthful when you asked him if he was alright, so you suggested something that would hopefully give both of you an opportunity to have some peaceful time together away from the castle. “I need you to accompany me somewhere. We’re leaving the palace grounds,” you requested bluntly, already heading to get your cloak.

“Leaving the palace? I don’t think we can do that,” he warned, eyeing you with uncertainty as you clasped the front of the dark material together and placed the hood over your head.

You grasped him by the elbow and childishly pulled him along with you, taking several tugs before you finally were able to make him budge. “Sure we can. As long as you’re with me, everything should be just fine.” After offering him a cheeky smile, he finally caved in with a dramatic sigh, letting you pull him excitedly in the direction of the elaborate iron entrance gate.

Taehyung, the ever-alert and observant knight he was, felt a pair of eyes following your path as you dragged him outside the walls towards the town. He looked around behind him and found Prince Yoongi staring with his lips pressed together tightly, forming a thin line of suspicion, from a balcony on the second floor, before he slowly sunk back into his room, hands folded behind his back.

Both of you made it to the heart of the town where the lives of the people buzzed most energetically, everyone bustling through the square to finish their many errands before the sun goes down. You smiled brightly and clasped your hands together as you watched a young giggling boy dash past you as several other children chased after him. Taehyung had to remind himself that this perfectly normal lifestyle, one that he used to be a part of before training to become a knight and still returns to when he visits his mother living on the other side of town, was completely foreign to you, so you were bound to be entertained by little things like a game of tag. You took a moment to take in the world around you, stopping in your tracks in the middle of the crowded street. Even though you had been to the village several times before, it never ceased to amaze you. The crescendo of loud voices and the occasional laughter as you went further into its hearth made you feel like you lived in silence back in the palace.

Taehyung suddenly jerked you quickly to the side of the pathway, mumbling a shy apology to the man with the cart filled with pastries glaring at you as you blocked his path. “No offense, (y/n), but I don’t think you’re fit for this town,” Taehyung laughed, gazing down at you. You faked a scowl as you began once again leading him to your desired destination.

You finally stood before a humble little building with an obviously handmade sign above the door displaying its use. Taehyung breathed in deeply before sighing, “Really? Out of all the places we could have gone, you chose the library?”

You rolled your eyes at him, pushing the door open. “Come on, just let me have my fun.”

A bell rung as the door opened and a man emerged from a door behind the desk in the corner of the shop. “Your highness! It’s been a while since I’ve seen your beautiful face around here,” he welcomed you, a dimpled smile on his face.

“Nice to see you, Namjoon! I’ve been dying to get back here to find something new to read.” You return his smile before excitedly rushing over to the opposite wall made up entirely of shelves filled with books. “And, of course, to see you again,” you added with a teasing smile. You often spoke in this flirtatious manner with him, but you were nothing more than simple friends. It was easy to befriend him quickly because he didn’t know your true identity when you visited his library the first few times, so you could have a normal conversation with him, but even when he discovered you were the princess, he treated you no differently and you both remained friends, just as before. Both of you knew that, too. However, Taehyung didn’t.

Taehyung narrowed his eyes in distaste as Namjoon laughed at your comment wondering why you were suddenly so bold with this man he’d never even heard of before. “Who’s this?” Namjoon wondered, staring pointedly at Taehyung, his eyebrows subconsciously furrowing when he caught Taehyung’s scowl.

You tore your eyes away from the row of titles you were inspecting to answer him. “This is Taehyung. He was appointed as my knight. Luckily, with him around, I have a lot more freedom to come here more often,” you explained turning back to continue your search. Taehyung wasn’t sure he wanted that.

“Ah, yes, well you should still be careful, your highness. It’s dangerous out there these days,” he warned.

Your scanning eyes faltered for a moment. “Yes, I’ve heard,” you spoke solemnly.

Namjoon seemed to notice the dip in your mood at the mention of the war, so he attempted to lift your spirits once again. “I have new arrivals by the way!” he piped up, grabbing several books from behind his desk. “They’re all written by people of this town. We’ve got some talented writers in this kingdom.” He held them out for you, putting the remaining away as you chose one to take back home with you. “Hopefully, some day, I’ll have a book of yours on these shelves,” he sighed. “How’s the writing going, anyway?”

A blush spread across your cheeks at the mention of your writing, a subject you discussed with no one except for Namjoon. You glanced out of the corner of your eye in embarrassment to find Taehyung staring in curiosity. “Don’t get your hopes up,” you laughed bashfully. “I’ve gotten nowhere.”

You finally checked out your book of choice and talked a bit more with Namjoon before it was time to leave. You gave a quick goodbye and had to remind Taehyung to say something as well, wondering why he was being so abnormally quiet.

Once you stepped outside, the sun was beginning to set, painting the sky an orange-pink color. You took note that the streets had emptied considerably as most probably huddled inside their homes to eat dinner with their families at this time. You would be worried that your father would be angry that you skipped on supper, but luckily for you, family dinners didn’t really exist anymore for the two of you, one of the many things that changed after your mother’s passing. You enjoyed the fading sounds of the town as you walked away from it, quickly becoming covered up by the buzz of cicadas. The tranquil environment was joined by the deep, rumbling voice of Taehyung, complimenting the sounds of nature perfectly. “So, you write books?” he questioned, staring ahead. “You’ve never told me anything about that.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, crossing your arms over your chest when you began to feel the night’s chill. “I don’t really tell anyone about that.”

Taehyung’s lips turned down in confusion and, there it was again, jealousy. “Well, you told Namjoon about it.”

“Yeah, that’s because—” you cut yourself off, squinting your eyes for better vision in the darkening night while getting a few steps in front of Taehyung for a better view of his face. “Wait… Are you jealous?”

Taehyung said nothing. He only continued walking back to the castle, eyes set on the now-visible gates and hands stuffed in his pockets. You couldn’t take that as a definitive answer, but you couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across your face, secretly liking the idea of Taehyung getting jealous over you. “Well, you should let me read what you’ve got sometime,” he suggested, a smile ghosting his lips.

You shook your head in embarrassment. “No way. It’s not good, and I don’t even have time to do it. It’s just a stupid idea.”

Taehyung spoke seriously once again, finally turning to face you with sincerity in his eyes. “Don’t say that, (y/n). It’s about damn time you do something for you and no one else.” You hated to admit that he almost induced tears with how much you resonated with what he said. He added lightheartedly with a smirk, “Besides, I’m sure anything you write can be better than that other book you gave me.”

“Hey, that’s my favorite book you’re talking about!” you scolded him. You paused in realization for a moment before a huge smile spread across your face as you realized his true intention behind what he said. “You actually read the book! You were just too shy to actually say it!” you teased.

“I’m not shy,” he mumbled through a smile, his ears burning red. You hummed in response, although you made it be known you were not convinced. “Just don’t tell my friends, okay? They’ll think I’m a softie.”

You laughed, endeared by his stubbornness. The fact that he actually listened to you and was interested in what you liked made your heart thump in your chest. He was making your heart beat like this far too often recently, and you know it should be worrying, but it just felt too good to care.

‘Another day, another date’ was becoming your motto these days as every morning for the past five days you woke up to hearing you had an outing planned with one of the princes. So far, Prince Hoseok was the easiest to get along with while Prince Seokjin was the most practical choice. Today was only your first interaction with Prince Yoongi, however, and you dreaded it due to how your first official meeting at the ball went. You were told he would meet you in the ballroom, which you already found odd since that room was only ever used for public events.

You entered through the formal entrance and found Yoongi sitting at the grand piano on the far side of the room. You had to walk down the stairs to reach him and you felt so wrong descending without wearing one of your elaborate and expensive ball gowns. Instead you wore one of your casual dresses, which contrary to what one would believe, still lacked comfortability and functionality. As you crossed the expansive room, you looked down at your reflection in the marble while listening to the melody that Yoongi played. It was soft and sweet, but there was a melancholic tinge in its minor chords. His eyes were closed and he was focused solely on the notes the ivory keys played. You cleared your throat timidly when you reached him and his eyes finally fluttered open. “Have a seat.” He patted the spot next to him on the bench before returning his hands to the keys.

You awkwardly sat as close to the edge as possible, still confused as to what exactly you were doing here. “So, what’s the plan for today?” you wondered, a tight smile tugging at your lips. He said nothing and only shrugged with a slight shake of his head. “Are we just sitting here while you play the piano? I suppose I wouldn’t mind that, actually…” you trailed off thoughtfully.

“I had a feeling,” he mumbled. His hands began to slow down, the melodic piece coming to an end and you were surprisingly disappointed.

“So, what was this for exactly?” You curiously eyed him, waiting for some sort of explanation although you weren’t sure of you would get one since it seems he’s a man of few words.

Surprisingly, however, he gave you the answer you were seeking. “I just thought I’d give you a break from the whole speed dating scene. I know it’s not what you want.” You wanted to thank him, but it worried you that he acknowledged that you didn’t want to get married since this knowledge may cause problems. “Also, I’ve been wanting to use this piano for days, but I thought it would look bad if I came in here on my own,” he admitted. You deadpanned at first, but then you saw the shy smile displayed on his face and marveled at the contrast between the two different sides of him you had seen.

You beamed, continuing to talk about the piano, hoping it would keep him in a light mood, “Yeah, it seems you’re passionate about it.”

Luckily, it seemed to work and his smile, while softer, remained. “It would be nice if I had more time to invest in music, though. Instead, I’ve got a kingdom to run in a few years.” He trailed off, running his hands along the keys. “I know it’s a dumb thing to want, but…”

“No, I get it! I have this crazy dream of being an author,” you tried to relate to him. “As if that could ever work,” you laughed, yet it was void of genuine humor.

You felt him eyeing you from the side before he spoke up, “I knew you weren’t a normal princess.” He smirked and stood from the bench, rounding the piano and heading towards the exit.

“What do you mean by that?” you questioned, hesitantly following him.

“Well, you just aren’t typical, I suppose. You don’t exactly try too hard to be ‘proper.’” You weren’t sure if you were supposed to take that as an insult or not. “You actually have a passion for something, unlike most of the other boring princesses I’ve ever met.” You supposed that was at least slightly true. You had met with other princesses when you were younger and it felt like you were talking to a machine sometimes with how trained and robotic their conversation skills were. “Not to mention, you ate of the forbidden fruit and fell in love with a non-royal.”

Your mouth dropped open as your mind desperately grasped for some sort of explanation to his final claim. He glanced over his shoulder as he heard the clicking of your heels stop behind him. His face was casual, and his voice at first seemed the same way, but if you listened closer, there was a warning nature present in the rumble of his words. “Don’t act so surprised. It wasn’t hard to discover those feelings you have for that knight of yours. You’re a brave one,” he drawled, continuing his nonchalant steps to the door. He spoke over his shoulder one last time, his voice taking on a somber feel this time, “Don’t worry, though. Your secret is safe with me.” With that, he left. You stood in the center of the empty dance floor, physically winded by his revelation. You hadn’t even acknowledged your feelings before for yourself, but when you heard it aloud, you knew it could not be denied. You were left standing, dumbfounded, and even worse, terrified to be in love. True love was a luxury that rarely persisted in this suffocating lifestyle you were born into.

Tonight, Prince Hoseok had invited you on a late-night horseback riding trip on the outskirts of the castle wall. Because he was well trained in swordsmanship, he was able to convince the king to send you out with only him and no knights to accompany you. While you were glad it gave Taehyung a much needed evening off, things became all the more nerve wracking for you when it was just you alone with the prince. Hoseok, you observed throughout your several outings with him, was skilled in keeping the conversation topic from straying to something that might make you uncomfortable or upset, which often stunted the productivity of these outings’ true objectives, but you were thankful nonetheless. However, as time ticked by and weeks passed without any real progress, and all the princes and the king could easily see that was so, Hoseok had no choice but to finally bring up those dreaded topics. He pulled back on his horse’s reins to slow down its speed, and as you noticed him falling behind, you did the same. He wore a gentle smile, just as he always did, but this time there was a hint of guilt behind it. “Princess, I’m aware you don’t like talking about your marriage in the future, but I think it’s time we discuss it.”

You were sure your disappointment was obvious to him, but you were actually having a nice time with him, so you were disheartened to see that hope slip away so easily with only a few words. You had to at least try to act like a proper princess, though, so you lied and agreed, “Of course. You’re right. This can’t be avoided forever.” You turned your steed around and guided him back closer to the prince.

“I’ve been thinking, (y/n)...” You were taken aback for a moment at the sudden use of your name. You felt guilty for becoming somewhat angry since he was such a wonderful person as you had come to know, but for some reason it just sounded wrong coming from him. It only felt right when it was vocalized in Taehyung’s deep and comforting octave. “I don’t want to make the decision for you, but I think we should be married.”

This time you made no effort to hide your bewilderment. Prince Hoseok had never been so forward and now he practically proposed to you with no problem at all. He reached out for you with shaking hands as he tried to support his claim. “I know! I know it sounds crazy, but if you’ll just hear me out,” he said carefully before lowering his hands and pausing, waiting for your reaction. When you said nothing, he continued, swallowing as he observed that your face was still displeased. “Although we haven’t gotten very much time to know each other, I really do enjoy your company. I know that all of this is not at all what you want, but if we have to do this, then I think I can see a future for us where I can make you happy… if you let me.” He had stumbled over his words several times, but that only went to further attest to what you were sure was sincerity.

You knew you should have taken that much more to heart, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t handle any of this right now. Your head was spinning and you were far too overwhelmed. You didn’t want to come to terms with your future if the one person you imagined it with couldn’t be a part of it. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled, eyes unfocused. “I don’t think this is a good time to talk about this.”

Before he was able to say another word, you had your horse sprint off and hoped he wouldn’t follow. He didn’t. You couldn’t do it. You had always been terrified of the day this would come, but now that it was here, you couldn’t even bring yourself to accept it.

Without thinking, you rode over to the knights and trainees’ barracks, dismounting from your horse and leaving him at the front gate. You received many shocked reactions, most of them never having seen their princess in the flesh before, and knights whispering to one another as you passed them by. You hated that you had to speak to these strangers while your voice still quivered, but you knew there was no way you would be able to find Taehyung on your own in this mess of people.

You approached a group of men who had been engrossed in their own conversation and had not noticed your presence until you spoke to them. “Excuse me, I’m looking for Sir Taehyung. Do you know where he could be?” Before you had finished speaking all three of them dropped to their knees before you. Feeling frustrated you begged for them to stand back up, tears pricking your eyes as you felt more isolated than ever when you looked around as all those who gave confused and panicked faces before followed them and dropped to their knees as well.

Your breathing felt constricted as you became suffocated by the panic that continued to build up within you. As you desperately searched for one person near you that wasn’t bowing, you suddenly spotted a head of dirty blond hair, being the only one who remained standing. “Taehyung!” you exclaimed to yourself, hoping it wasn’t loud enough for others to hear your lack of formalities. You ran to him and wanted nothing more than to throw your arms around him and cry into his chest like he’s let you do before, but with all these eyes on you, you had to be very careful what you did, so you skidded to a stop only a few steps ahead of him. It didn’t take him long to notice the tears plaguing your eyes, giving a worried look and reaching out to you before forcing his face back to a neutral position and bringing his hands back to his sides as he glanced around at his colleagues.

You heard heavy footsteps from behind you accompanied by a vaguely familiar voice bellowing, “Is everything alright, Your Highness?” You quickly wiped the tears from your eyes, though you were sure it would not do much help, and turned slowly to be faced with an older bearded man that you had seen at several meetings your father held with high officials and military leaders. You never learned his name, but you knew he was a high ranking captain in your kingdom’s army, and you also knew he had an affinity for sucking up to your father in order to move his way up the ranks. You had a feeling that extended to the princess as well.

“Yes, captain, everything is fine,” you insisted, struggling to keep your words steady. “I was just looking for my knight here.” You gestured back to Taehyung who remained emotionless, wary of his authority. He only hummed, glancing between the both of you before you decided to put an end to whatever thoughts he was processing. “Please, resume your duties. I’ve gotten what I was looking for.” You locked eyes with Taehyung and gave him a plea for help to which he gave a minute nod and led you away from all the onlookers.

You followed him silently while you still felt the wary eyes of the captain locked onto your trail. Taehyung brought you to one of the many small barracks held up by worn wooden planks. He quietly opened the door before letting you in behind him, waving you in when you hesitated for fear of being seen following your knight into his sleeping quarters. As Taehyung carefully pushed the door shut behind him, he turned around at the alarm of your gasp.

Suddenly, there were two boys about the same age as Taehyung hopping off of their beds and kneeling on the wooden floor before you. You looked back to Taehyung in shock, thinking no one else would be around. “What are you guys doing here? You said you would be out in town tonight!” Taehyung fulminated between clenched teeth staring down at the two men he shared his barrack with.

The smaller of the two answered Taehyung quietly, head still facing the ground. “We decided not to. We didn’t realize we would have royal company tonight.”

The other slowly lifted his head up, eyes wide as he looked to Taehyung, making sure his eyes never landed on even a single thread of your clothing. He mumbled shyly, “If you don’t mind me asking, what is Her Highness doing here?” He accidentally let his innocent eyes wander over to your face before taking in a sharp breath through his teeth when he realized his mistake.

You approached the both of them without getting too close for fear of accidentally scaring the poor boy out of his wits. “Please, stand up. You don’t have to bow. Any friend of Taehyung’s is a friend of mine,” you gently commanded, giving them a warm smile when they both finally lifted their heads.

The first of the boys to speak let a tentative grin show itself, questioning you just as you had caught your own mistake, “No formalities? You guys must be pretty close, huh?”

To your surprise, Taehyung didn’t deny like you thought he would, making you think he must trust these guys. “You could say that,” he agreed, biting back a proud smile. The shorter boy gave Taehyung a knowing glance for a reason you couldn’t decipher. Taehyung then cleared his throat directing his attention to you. “(Y/n), these are my roommates and friends, Jimin,” he motioned to the shorter boy who gave you a small nod which you returned, “and Jungkook.” He gestured to the taller boy who still couldn’t meet your eyes when you tried to greet him.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Your Highness. We’ve heard so much about you.” Jimin wore a devious smirk. You caught Taehyung reaching to give him a blow to the back of the head, but when he caught your gaze on him, he grudgingly stopped himself and dropped his arm back to his side. You giggled as Jimin smacked him in the back playfully.

You wanted to fish some more information out of Jimin, but you were interrupted by Jungkook’s quiet voice. “Forgive me for prying, Your Highness, but are you alright? You look like you’ve been crying,” he observed with worry in those big eyes of his. For a moment, you had forgotten the reason you had come in the first place, but you were sure your eyes were still red and puffy from your previous panicking.

The smile fell from your face for a moment and you glanced over to Taehyung who was watching you worriedly before you assured him you were fine. “We should go. Come on, (y/n).” Taehyung was already back to the door leading you out, and you were upset that you were already having to say goodbye to his friends. You wanted to get to know the people that Taehyung liked and you wanted to know what they heard about you, but you knew the longer you stayed, the more chance you had of getting yourself into trouble.

He brings you around to the side of the building in hopes of achieving a little more privacy. “I’m sorry about that, (y/n), I planned to talk to you about whatever happened, but then they were there and messed up everything.”

“Don’t say that. It was nice to see the people you spend time with,” you cheered him up despite your low mood. “Now it’s late, though, and I really should get back to the castle.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be there tomorrow morning and you can talk to me about anything you need to,” he reassured you with an encouraging smile, grazing his fingertips over your forearms and pulling away just as they reached your wrists before he would become tempted to take hold of your hand. You only stared at him, prolonging your visit, your feelings taking control much easier now that you had acknowledged their existence. “Go!” he laughed, shooing you away. “This isn’t the place for a beautiful princess. It’s for gross and sweaty guys, none of which deserve you.” If he had lumped himself in with that group, then he was sorely mistaken, you thought.

You began to return to the castle before you stopped to look back at him once more. He rolled his eyes and began to wave you away again, but you stopped him, pulling his hands down from where they motioned in front of your face. “Okay, I’ll go! Just—” You cut yourself off by wrapping your arms tightly around Taehyung’s torso and pulled yourself closer to him. His eyes were wide and his reaction was delayed.

You backed away and hurried back to the castle without another word, leaving Taehyung behind confused and calling after you, “What was that for?”

You both knew there was something between the two of you that was being left unsaid. Something that both scared and excited you, and Taehyung came to realize both his dream and nightmare could be coming to fruition. That initiation would be coming sooner than he ever imagined when his keen eyes missed the forbidding gaze of the captain hidden just out of sight.

Little did either of you know that someone had witnessed it all. The way a knight called his princess by her name, how the knight looked into his princess’ eyes so fondly and called her beautiful as if he could say it a thousand times more, how the princess and her knight had embraced lovingly without even knowing when the princess was meant to be betrothed to another.

The rough man’s heavy boots pounded into the ground as he followed not far behind you to the castle to request a seeing with the king. He was sure the princess’ father would be entirely thankful to hear of his daughter’s betrayal from his most trusted military leader.

“Your Majesty,” he bowed at the king’s feet. “There is something about the princess that you should know. I believe there is something quite... concerning going on between the princess and that knight of hers.”

The king gave the captain his full attention as he described what he had allegedly seen in the training camp that evening. The king’s hands gripped tightly onto the gilded arm rests of his throne and his forehead creased in worry. “I see. I will have eyes on her tomorrow. If someone reports to me with the same accusation, I will have no choice but to believe it. Thank you.” He buried his face into his palm, dismissing the captain with his free hand. If what the captain said was true, the king would have to put an immediate stop to it somehow. He couldn’t hand you his kingdom he had worked so hard to build only for your delusions of love to throw it all away, for love doesn’t exist and believing only leads to destruction.

Taehyung had already arrived by the time you woke up the next morning with a hot cup of tea for the both of you and an open heart to listen to all of your deepest anxieties that you were anxiously waiting to pour out to him. You both went to sit in the window seat, backs against the adjacent walls of the alcove with your legs pulled up just barely enough to keep from touching as you faced each other, the sun shining in a beautifully painted backdrop.

Taehyung didn’t rush you, but instead waited patiently as whatever had happened last night seemed to still be difficult to bring up. “Your friends seem really nice,” you said with a smile, eyes focused on your hands clasped around your knees bringing them closer to your chest. “I wish I had someone like them.”

“You have me.” There was no hint of a joke in his answer making it feel all the more genuine and comforting as the softness of his voice caressed your ears.

You bit back a smile and looked up to find his intense gaze already on you, though it softened with one glance at your shining eyes. “Yeah, I do.” The moment began to feel too tender, too raw, and you became too scared to look deeper into his eyes, fearing you would fall into them with no way out if you stayed a moment longer. You tore away and your eyes traveled to the floor just beside you as you sighed, “I wish the princes were as easy to talk to as you.” You were searching for a way to break the news of what Prince Hoseok had asked you the night before, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it on your own. “I don’t know how I’ll ever choose from people that I really just don’t know.”

Taehyung heard your voice begin to waver and he quickly wanted to put a smile on your face, so in a panic he tried to joke, “Well, you should choose soon before they all run away.” He immediately regretted what he said and was sure it was a mistake, but his heart was calmed when he saw you crack a smile.

“Hey!” you shouted at him, grabbing the nearest pillow and hurling it at him in retaliation. You laughed as his eyes were widened with surprise at the hefty blow from such a soft pillow before he joined in your laughter, relieved he hadn’t made the situation exponentially worse. He took a moment to examine the pillow, picking it up from where it landed beside him. He pulled at the loose fabric, questioning, “Why is there a huge hole in this pillow?”

You chuckled and snatched it back with a devious glint in your eye, giving Taehyung high expectations for your explanation. “That’s where I used to hide my books from Namjoon’s library when I was sneaking out into town before you came along.”

“That was probably the most anticlimactic excuse I’ve ever heard,” Taehyung deadpanned, although he should have seen it coming from a princess with such a sheltered life as you had always lived. Things like that were exciting, despite how boring they seemed to the average man. You threw your head back laughing, nodding in acknowledgement of his point as you realized it really was as boring as he made it out to be. Taehyung’s boxy smile appeared as he admired the genuine joyful stretch of your lips that he had been deprived of for the past few weeks due to the immense amount of stress you were under.

You suddenly stopped and zeroed in on the top of Taehyung’s head finding a small piece of stuffing from the pillow resting on top of his hair. He frantically questions you as you lean over and reach you hand out, his head flinching away in confusion from your sudden action. You ran your fingers through the strands of his hair to brush it out, secretly admiring the softness of it beneath your touch, a feeling you were always curious to discover. After that, you couldn’t resist letting your eyes get lost in the beautiful landscape of his face, the deep brown of his eyes drawing you in once again. Luckily, he didn’t catch it, however, because he himself was occupied with doing the same, entranced in the way your lips parted innocently and suddenly he wanted nothing more than to feel the way they moved with his own. His tongue poked out to run across his dry lips as his eyes went to meet yours while yours flicked down to follow the action. He wouldn’t have to wonder what your lips would taste like for much longer as you both inched closer, completely forgetting about who you were and instead only thinking about who you wanted to be.

You were mere centimeters apart before you gasped, finally coming back to your senses and hastily pushing yourself away from him. You stood up and worriedly straightened out your dress as you paced further away from him. You couldn’t believe you let yourself cave in and slip up so badly. If anyone had seen, you would be in deep trouble, and Taehyung would be killed. But everything is alright because no one saw and no one knew. And no one would ever find out. Only you and Taehyung would know. Just the two of you. But also the knight that had been standing guard outside your door who was ordered to keep an eye on you, and when the voices in the room disappeared and it was eerily quiet, he silently opened the door, and saw what no one was ever supposed to see.

And because of that, the one person that had the power to ruin everything would come to know of your horrible mistake as well.

After the almost-kiss you and Taehyung shared only a day before, you were faced with great difficulty in being in the same space as each other. There were too many words that needed to be said that were being pushed away as if they had no meaning. If only you had swallowed your fears and confessed to him all that you desperately needed to say before it was too late.

You spent a sleepless night, switching back and forth several times between lying in bed and sitting back in your place at the window, replaying the scene that prevented your sleep over and over in your hyperactive mind. You finally woke up only slightly before midday, regretfully pushing yourself up into a sitting position to scan the room in hopes of finding Taehyung somewhere within it, ignoring the fluttering of anxiety in the pit of your stomach. Your head ticked to the side when you saw he was nowhere to be found, so you threw the blankets off of you and forced yourself into the unwelcoming day.

You hurriedly dressed yourself without waiting for the presence of your ladies-in-waiting and quietly creaked open the door, finding Taehyung was not standing outside as you had hoped for either. A frown overtook your softly hopeful features as you ventured out into the hallways of the palace. You noticed each time you passed a maid or servant they would glare timidly at you until you were out of sight around the corner of the hall, only for you to encounter the same actions from other workers in the castle.

Without realizing it, your feet had led you all the way to the barracks, still in search of your knight, although you weren’t quite sure where this confidence had originated from considering you were practically praying for Taehyung to leave just yesterday. You didn’t mind the knights that stopped and dropped to their knees at the sight of you this time, setting yourself on autopilot towards the barrack you made sure to remember the path towards. You found yourself hesitating just before you reached the door, unsure why your fearlessness wavered, only a wave of uncertainty flushing through you for a moment, but you pushed onward and gave the worn down door a firm knock.

You were met with the same big and timid eyes of Jungkook as he opened the door for you, hurriedly letting you in with a clearly alarmed demeanor. You assumed that was just him acting like himself, but you realized something was wrong when Jimin’s familiar face was unrecognizably tensed. “I-I came looking for Taehyung,” you stuttered, suddenly overcome with a very bad feeling.

Jimin’s eyes widened more than they already had been, walking over to you with concern. “Have you not heard? He was put in the front lines of the troops at Ambrosia Field.” The words terrified you as soon as they left his mouth. You remembered from that time before you had even met Taehyung that things were ugly and the fearful soldier that came to your father for help claiming your kingdom’s men were being slaughtered there. And now, Taehyung was thrown full force into the mess of it all.

You felt as if the breath was knocked out of your lungs with the blow of the news and you began to assume the worst. “The front lines?” you gasped in horror. “But... He could get hurt!” You couldn’t bear the picture that painted itself in your mind, overpowered by shades of crimson as you imagined Taehyung leading the troops in battle. Your hands came to grip at your hair harshly as you felt guilt flow all the way to your fingertips. He must have lost his place as your knight because he was caught doing something he shouldn’t. “This is all my fault… Someone must have seen. This is all my fault!”

Jungkook immediately rushed to your side as you dropped to the floor, gravity becoming too harsh a competitor to deal with on top of the fear within your heart. Jimin followed his younger friend, attempting to calm you and asking, “What did someone see?”

You finally regained control of yourself, though still unable to pinpoint the origin of your sudden composure. You dropped your hands back to your sides and stared vacantly ahead. “We almost kissed.”

Suddenly you were running back to the castle. You weren’t even sure how it happened, and you didn’t even remember saying goodbye to the boys and for all you knew, maybe you didn’t. The only thing you were positive of was that you looked just as much of a mess as your mind was in the moment.

You wasted no time in flinging open the doors of the throne room, screaming without hesitance, “How could you?”

Your father looked to be expecting your arrival, awaiting your reaction with a stern and stubborn stature, already pushing himself up from his throne. “(Y/n), I should be furious with you. Do you want to throw away all in this kingdom that I’ve built up for you? Your childish actions are completely unacceptable!”

You scoffed, trying your best to hide your tears in front of this man you could no longer call your father, who you had been forcing yourself to call father for years. You knew he was corrupt, but because he was your father by blood, you felt as if you owed it to him to always take his side, even when it wasn’t right. “I’ve done nothing wrong!” you shouted, though your voice wavered and you became even more enraged because of it.

“What’s done is done. End of discussion.” The king’s hardened glare bore into you, mocking you while you struggled to stand your ground, this being the first time in your life you’ve ever gone against him. “And because of your immature decisions, I don’t think you’re capable of choosing a suitor for yourself, so I have decided you will marry Prince Hoseok.”

You wanted nothing more than to lash out, to protest and save yourself from this vicious cycle repeated throughout history, but your feet carried you away before you could do anything. You were still young and you still had many fears, one of them being your father, and even now, standing in front of him made you feel small and helpless and insignificant, just as always. So you ran.

Your tears were uncontrollable, blurring your vision as you desperately needed to get out of the corridor with so many gazes witnessing you at your lowest. Perhaps you weren’t the strong princess and soon-to-be-queen, you realized, as all of your grip on this twisted reality disintegrated before you, and as you reached out to catch its ashes, you gripped onto the sleeve of someone blocking your way. Holding you steady after your harsh collision was Hoseok. You looked up to him, pieces arranging back together as you were pulled back down to earth, and seeing his face made your sobs become even more violent. “I’m sorry, but you are one of the last people I want to see right now.”

He held you back from trying to push past him, lowering himself to eye level with you. “(Y/n), what’s wrong? Is it because your father told you about our engagement?” His face harbored hurt as he assumed this reaction was because you were afraid to spend the rest of your life with someone you would never love.

You ignored his question, sobbing into his arm while Hoseok wrapped the other around you in attempts to comfort you. “He’s going to die.”

Hoseok immediately lifted you up, concern evident, “Who? Who’s going to die?”

You tried to push past him once again, but it was only in vain since your energy quickly depleted due to your panic. You didn’t even have the energy to cry anymore, realizing the tears suddenly stopped flowing. Finally saying the words you feared to voice finally out loud made your anxiety become an empty feeling. “Taehyung.”

Hoseok’s brows creased in thought, and also due to your sudden calmness. “Who is—Isn’t that your knight?”

You gave a weak nod, not worrying about keeping this a secret any longer, for it would be something you would never move past, and you both would be living together for the rest of your lives, after all. “My father sent him to die… because I loved him.”

Hoseok looked hollow for a second, and you almost mustered up the strength to feel guilty when you knew he had expressed his feelings for you before, and this proved there must have been some authenticity to them. Suddenly, you had a realization. This was all too familiar. Your mother had told you a story when you were young, and she had made sure this recounting was kept secret from your father. It was a story of a prince who fell in love with a princess, but the princess was in love with a swordsman. Your father was the prince, your mother was the princess, and the knight was…

The blank ceiling of your bedroom suddenly displayed abstract shapes that your dried eyes tricked themselves into seeing. There was a good chance you had been staring for several hours, but you weren’t entirely sure. The sleepless night dragged on for what felt like a century. Though you could not actually bring yourself to sleep, your eyes drooped as it had been a week since you could sleep properly. After all, on nights like these, you would pass the time with the gentle voice of Taehyung, but instead he was the very reason for your sleeplessness. Well… not exactly him, but something far stranger that scared you to your wit’s end. If your theory was correct, your suspicions of your father would be proven correct.

There’s no better time like the present, so you decided it’s time to find out the truth once and for all. This meant you would have to face your father, even though you knew his was the last face you want to see now. Your feet stomped across the expensive carpets in determination, destination set to the throne room where you would once again find your father. Just before you rounded the last corner to enter the main hall, you heard the voice of one of the old maids speaking hushedly with another while they cleaned the unnoticeable dust on the floorboards for the fourth time this week. “Did you hear? The princess’s knight is back from battle.”

Already thumping in anticipation of your interrogation of your father, your heart rate increased dangerously, whether in excitement or fear, you weren’t sure. You hadn’t even registered that you were running in the opposite direction of the throne room. This conversation—anything—could wait until after you finally see Taehyung. Your fear of never seeing him again that persisted all the time he was away was finally dissipating before your eyes. You dodged a door opening just in front of your path, but then you collided with the person who had just come from within that room, and after a moment of inspection, you recognized the familiar features of Jiwoo.

Her eyebrows shot up at your disheveled and breathless form, immediately querying, “Are you alright, Your Highness?”

You nodded excitedly, a wide smile spread across your face while you held onto her arm to steady you. “Sir Taehyung is back from battle!” You loosened your grip on her arm and turned to continue on your path, but before you could take another step, you felt her fingers slip down to grip your wrist before you could tug it away. You turned back and the smile on your face faltered at her uncertain features. “What is it?”

She swallowed tightly, brows still weighed down with concern. “Your Highness, haven’t you heard?” Her head shook in disbelief. “Sir Taehyung is… unwell.” You could feel your heart drop to your stomach. She was vague and clearly had much more to say than she let on, but you got the message loud and clear. Taehyung didn’t come back safely like you had wished for every night before bed, looking out over the expanse of trees where you were sure he would be, leading the troops like the hero he is. You should have known, otherwise he wouldn’t have returned so soon. Without another word, you yanked your wrist free from her grasp and rushed to find Taehyung, changing your destination to the infirmary camp, a ways outside the walls of the castle.

Much to the confusion and dismay of the young stable boy who knew you weren’t supposed to ever take your horse on a ride on your own, you quickly lifted yourself up onto your steed’s back and took off, leaving a few guards who had caught you leaving in the dust. You rode for a few minutes before you finally saw the large white tent with overworked nurses going in and out in a frenzy. You carelessly jumped from your saddle onto the ground, not caring about the splatters of mud that lined the bottom of your skirt. You entered the tent, bumping into a few women in white carrying handfuls of bandages and medicines, who were so busy they probably didn’t even have the time to register you were the princess.

You were horrified at the sights you were met with inside the infirmary tent. There were at least a hundred men splayed out on hospital beds, either covered in blood or coughing it up. Some had missing limbs, and tears sprung to your eyes as you looked closely at some who seemed they may not have been breathing anymore. You were terrified, inspecting every single agonized face, and you never felt more guilty for having the sheltered life you lived, safe and sound inside the walls of the palace while these men fought to the death for you and your kingdom.

As you made your way further into the infirmary, several beds with patients currently being treated were closed off by curtains and it was getting increasingly difficult to find the face of the man you were looking for. Finally, you caught sight of a blond head of hair from behind a curtain that had not been closed all the way. Your hand visibly shook as you pushed the curtain aside to see the face that belonged to the blond-headed man.

And sure enough, there he was, torso and arms wrapped heavily in bandages that were stained red. Completely overwhelmed by the pain you knew he must be suffering, you fell to your knees and buried your face in your hands on the sheets of the bed beside his arm. You heard shuffling from behind and looked to see two nurses returned to his sectioned off area, stopping short in their tracks as they saw you on the ground beside Taehyung’s bed and bow their heads in respect for their princess. You wasted no time and frantically questioned, “Will he be alright? Is he going to be okay?” You had always been taught to keep yourself calm and composed in front of your subjects, but you had thrown all rules you had known to the wind because of your worry for your dear knight.

The nurses glanced warily to each other and one timidly spoke up, knowing you would be unhappy with the answer, “He is in... very poor condition, Your Highness.”

Your breath felt caught in your throat at their confirmation of his fragile state and you could only slowly turn your face back to observe his own, pain evident on his paled face even while slept. “Please leave us for a moment,” you ordered quietly to the nurses while still keeping your gaze locked on Taehyung. They bowed their heads once more before quickly scurrying behind the curtain. “Taehyung...” the sound barely escaped your lips in a shaky breath as you ghosted your fingertips over the back of his hand, desperately wishing you could grasp it and never have to worry about being seen and frowned upon. You saw his fingers twitch ever-so-slightly in response to your touch.

He pushed out a labored sigh and winced at the movement of his abdomen. “Well, hello there, Princess,” he attempted to speak casually, but the pain in his voice gave him away. His eyes were focused solely on you, though they were half-lidded. He gives a weak smile to reassure you, though the absence of its boxy shape that you had become so fond of makes it more difficult to comfort you.

At the pitiful sound of his voice, you let tears finally escape your eyes and cascade down your cheeks, but you still managed to send a pained smile to your lips. “How can you speak so casually? You could have died.” You chose to ignore the fact that death could still be a possibility. There was no way you would accept that he wasn’t home to stay, especially because, somewhere along the way, he had become home to you. The castle you lived in was merely a building, but he was the safe space that you never were allowed in the palace, the place where you could be wholeheartedly you.

“It would be an honor to die while protecting my princess.” His smile grew as he spoke, into a more genuine one and you felt as if your heart were being pulled in your chest, knowing that he would so willingly give himself up for you. He heaved in another painful breath before asking with hopeful eyes, “Did you find my gift?”

You furrowed your eyebrows, straightening yourself up in confusion. “No. What gift?”

“I left something for you to find in your room before I left, but I had to hide it. If someone else had seen it, I could have easily been beheaded,” he explains, laughing weakly, yet his reasoning left you with several frantic questions. “You should go look for it.”

“I don’t want to leave you.” You mentally cursed yourself for sounding so weak in front of him when he needed you to be strong for him in the moment.

The nurses who had disappeared before pulled back the curtain with medical equipment in hand. “We’re sorry, Your Highness, but he really needs to be treated again.”

You hurriedly wiped your tears, giving Taehyung’s hand a squeeze before standing and preparing to leave. “I understand. Please take good care of him.” You looked back down to where he lied one last time before letting the nurses take over.

You went back to the castle slowly and solemnly, choosing instead to walk beside your horse and lead him by the reins to prolong your journey back. You finally reached the inside of the building, then you ascended the first, then the second staircase up to you bedroom. You finally stopped to take a breath after holding it for far too long just after you had slammed the doors shut behind you, locking the door to prevent anyone else from entering.

Your tired eyes carefully scanned your room in thought, everything looking as pristine as always. Suddenly, it was as if a switch had flipped inside of you. You had to know what it was that he left for you. You began to tear the place apart, ripping the pillows and blankets from your bed, throwing aside all of the expensive dresses hanging in your closet, but wherever you looked, there was nothing unusual there. Where would Taehyung have put something that he only wanted you to find? What’s a special place in this room that only you would think to look? Your eyes that wandered around the room eventually fell on the window seat, where the both of you had sat and talked and reminisced and quarreled and experienced so many emotions together. It had to be there somewhere. You checked all corners and underneath each pillow, but saw nothing. As you threw down the last pillow you had lifted, it made an unusually loud thud as it came into contact with the wooden floor. As you examined closer, you found it had been the ripped pillow, the one with the hole in its seam. The one with a hole big enough to hide something in it! You scooped up the pillow once more and tore out all of its stuffing, finally finding the source of the loud sound the pillow had produced. When you finally fished it from the remains of the pillow, you pulled out a simple leather bound book. You carefully untied the strap holding it closed. You flipped slowly through the first few pages, then quickly through the rest as you discovered it was simply empty, and you almost missed the note written on the very last page of the book. It read:

I’m sorry this was all I could give you as a possible forever-parting gift. I know how much you love books, so I gave you an empty one where you could fill it up with your own story, just as you’ve always dreamed. It doesn’t matter that it’s not what you should be doing, but you should do it because it’s what you love. Promise me you will live your life without hesitations from now on. I don’t want you to be sad anymore. If I haven’t come back to you by the time you have found this, that probably means I won’t be coming back, but don’t be sad for me. I don’t want to see you cry from where I am looking down on you. Just know that I’m with my father again, and I’m telling him all about you and how much I loved you. I wish you nothing but happiness for the rest of your life, as much happiness as you were able to give me.

-Taehyung

You had trouble reading the last few sentences as your tears had partially blinded you. He really thought there was a chance he would never see you again, and this was all he was able to do to say goodbye. Most importantly, though… he said he loved you. Now, after days and weeks of agonizing over these feelings that confused you and that you were so sure you were definitely not allowed to feel, you knew now that there was no denying that you loved him, too.

Days had passed and you were still visiting Taehyung everyday in the infirmary. You had to request something extremely important of him before time ran out since the wedding seemed to be fast approaching, but you couldn’t let anything weigh heavily on his heart until he had healed a considerable amount. Taehyung finally was back to his alert and spirited self, although still bedridden, and you decided it was time to finally push the pressing issue to him. Your hands trembled and he noticed, reaching up to steady them within his own.

“I can’t live like this, Taehyung. I can’t stay here and live without the person I love. Run away with me.” He had told you he loved you in the message he left for you, so why were you so afraid he would turn you away? You anxiously scanned his features for any hint of a response. The sharp motion of his eyes had nearly given you a heart attack, yet they were still soft. He was shocked to say the least, but his wide eyes soon left the gaze of your own as they slid to focus behind you. You heard the clearing of a throat from just a few feet behind you and you jumped, seeing the unexpected visitor. “Prince Hoseok! What are you doing here?”

He had an small, ingenuine smile dancing across his lips, signaling he had definitely heard your request for Taehyung. “They told me I would probably find you here.”

He trailed off and the silence became tense. “...I’m sorry.” It was all you could say. You knew it must be hurting him, but he was a dear friend and nothing more.

“It’s alright. I had suspected something between the two of you for a while.” His eyes flicked over to Taehyung’s form still laying on the bed, watching the both of you closely. “I know that you’ll never be able to love me like I had hoped, but I want to help you. I want you to be happy, (y/n).”

You entered through the large doors of the throne room just behind Hoseok who had led the way with determined eyes, yet secretly still with a heavy heart. “Prince Hoseok. This was unexpected of you,” your father acknowledged him before shifting his gaze to you just behind the prince, a limping Taehyung with his arm hooked around your neck. You insisted that he should stay in the infirmary, but he stood firm in his claim that he should be there for you when you finally stood up to the king. Said man’s brows turned down in anger at the sight of Taehyung’s grimacing face. “Why is he here?” he spoke now directly to you, slowly so that he could vainly attempt to conceal his rage.

Hoseok put a stop to the thick tension in the room by directing the king’s attention back to himself. “I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but I need to let you know about this sudden change of plans.” Your father’s eyebrows shot up. “I cannot marry your daughter if I cannot make her happy. I’m afraid I must call off the marriage.”

Your father quickly rose from his seated position. “She has to marry you. That isn’t her choice. It’s for the good of the kingdom!” his fist was now tightly enclosed and shaking wildly in the air in your direction.

“I love Sir Taehyung, Father.” You had not spoken with nearly enough courage, your voice coming out as meek as a mouse in the presence of your vicious feline of a father. His panicked eyes were on you once again in a mere moment, causing you to jump. Taehyung straightened himself up at your sudden jolt and placed a protective and comforting hand on the small of your back.

With a pretentious laugh, the king spat contemptuously, “Are you really going to tear down this kingdom I’ve worked all my life to improve upon because you think you’re in love? You don’t even know what love is, (y/n)!”

Before you could shrink any further you straightened yourself and attacked him with the words you had been waiting for him to hear for a while now. “No, you are the one with no capacity to love. You thought you loved mother, but you made her suffer by murdering the man she really loved, didn’t you? He had already moved on and started a family, but you knew mother still didn’t love you, so you did the only thing you could think of and sent him to die!” you screamed at your father. Taehyung’s hand had slid down into yours and squeezed it tightly. You looked over to his face which showcased all of the fresh scars of his past still burning deeply as they were brought up in front of him, and finally your suspicions were confirmed. “That was Taehyung’s father, wasn’t it? And you were going to take Taehyung’s life in just the same way, by having him slaughtered on the battlefield!” You desperately didn’t want Taehyung around while you dug up these buried griefs and practically threw them back in his face, but your father needed to know that you weren’t ignorant. Rage for your mother, Taehyung, Taehyung’s father, and everyone your father had ever hurt, everyone these horrific laws ever damaged burned within you. “You are a murderer!”

Your father’s confidence had disappeared only several words into your accusations and he was now the most humiliated and vulnerable you had ever seen him before, the large man you once looked up to as an ignorant child now shrunk into his seat in shame. He swallowed, slowly letting his eyes fall to the ground just before your feet. “How did you know about that?”

“Mother’s stories,” you finally breathed out the air that had been encased in your dry mouth. “It took me a long time to understand fully what she had been telling me and to piece it all together, but I think I put the pieces together pretty perfectly, didn’t I?” Your father was speechless. He eyed the prince that now stood shocked at the revelation of the king’s dark past. Taehyung breathed slowly out through his nose, the tightened hold on your fingers finally loosening. “Please father,” your voice had softened again. “You say you loved mother, but you made her suffer. If you really love me, let me find happiness. Don’t make the same mistakes again. Our kingdoms have been doing that for far too long.” The king slumped back into his throne, suddenly seeming much less brilliant than it had just months ago, before you had been so exposed to the true light of the world. His knuckles paled as he gripped the arms of the chair for dear life, lost in thought.

...and the crooked-crowned puppet with a stitched smile finally broke free from its strings. The puppet master's control was now nullified and his routines he had performed countless times since its genesis had now come to a close with the red velvet curtains.

The soft brush of lips on your shoulder elicited a soft gasp and the drop of the inky quill from your scribbling hand. As the lips traveled up to your collarbone then to your neck, the girlish giggle that escaped your lips morphed into a satisfied sigh. “Hello, Queen (y/n),” the deep voice rumbled against the sensitive skin of your neck.

“Prince Consort Taehyung,” you greeted. He finally pulled away, causing you to frown up at him from the desk chair you were still seated at. Taehyung gave you a warm smile before examining the mess of your desk in front of you. You saw his eyes stop on the paragraphs written in the notebook and his grin widened, happy that his gift was being put to good use. He saw another book propped up with its old cover on display in the corner and he picked it up, examining it in thought. “Why is this out?”

Reaching out for it with a smile, only for him to pull away from your stretched hand, you chuckled, “No reason. Just some reminiscing, I suppose.”

“You’re not still letting this story get you down, are you?” he questioned worriedly, turning his back to you and heading for the wooden bookcase.

You laughed and stood from the chair to follow close behind him before placing your hands on his shoulders and peeking on your tiptoes at the old book that held a different, but still special, meaning to you. “Of course not. My fear of history repeating itself was definitely not what made it my favorite book.”

He gave you one last glance over his shoulder and a smile he was holding back was all too evident in his eyes. “You’ll never have to worry about this happening to you ever again. You know that, right?” He placed the book back in its place on the shelf, then he turned around, snaking his arms around your waist while yours encircled his neck. “I’m not going anywhere.” You squinted at him in distaste for his sudden cheesiness, but still swooned nonetheless. His eyes flicked suddenly just behind you and with a lick of his lips, he retracted his statement. “Actually, I will go somewhere. To that bed. With you.”

He quickly pulled you along with him to where he sat at the edge of the bed and you stood between his legs, looking down at him with the sparkle of newly found happiness in your eyes. He peered up at you in admiration, bringing you even closer to himself with a tug of your hips. “I love you so much, (y/n).”

You trailed your hands up his chest to rest on his cheeks as you lifted his face to press a kiss to his lips, begging for more as soon as you had to pull away. “I love you, too.” Your eyes crinkled in the corners, giddiness swelling within you at the words that you had heard many times by now but still could never get enough of. With a sigh, Taehyung pulls you down on top of him and pulls the blanket over the two of you just after he hears a knock at the door and the voice of one of your ladies-in-waiting calling out for you.

“I’m sorry, but the queen is extremely busy at the moment and will most likely be occupied until the morning. Please come back at a later time,” Taehyung called out in response. Immediately understanding his implications, your face reddened and you slapped his chest with a slack jaw before you buried your face into him to hide, although there was no need to since it was just the two of you in your own little world beneath the sheets. Taehyung’s mouth became boxy once more before intertwining your fingers with his while connecting your lips together in a passionate embrace once more.

You were simply a hollow, breathing breathing body before you had met him, but he was able to introduce you to depth and genuine life. Although it was safe and comfortable, you were sick of the life you had lived, and Taehyung was the one to show you there was more to the world than jealousy of those who roamed it freely. You didn’t think you wanted what he had to offer and it made you scared that he came in and turned everything upside down, for you didn’t know all of it would work towards the better. And yet here you were, smiling like an idiot, wrapped in the warmth of his arms where you finally felt at home.

[cavaliant]

GETTING TO KNOW THE ROLEPLAYER. repost, don’t reblog.

NAME: Dusk

FACECLAIM: I alternate between Bart or Jack when I do use one

PRONOUNS: they / their

HEIGHT: 160cm / 5′3″

BIRTHDAY: a birthday is when you celebrate being born

AESTHETIC: applying Imagine Dragons and Bastille lyrics to every character ever. art nouveau? red and gold, black and gold, blue and silver? deep, rich colours in general like wine red and royal blue

LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Avalon Code - Deep Forest

FAVORITE MUSE(S) YOU’VE WRITTEN: I’m still in Beo hell but I am always ready to fight to the death for Lachesis and the ignoring of the majority of her character arc :/ Also Fergus shenanigans are pretty funny.

GETTING TO KNOW THE ACCOUNT

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO TAKE ON THIS MUSE:

I really got into the series with Fates but it was FEH that drew me into the older games. If Reinhardt the meme man has done anything good in his life it was getting me interested in Jugdral and spurring me into RPing again.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ASPECTS OF YOUR CURRENT MUSE:

I’m sorry I’m really going to do all 16 of them lmao

Asaello: the amount of dialogue variation he has despite being a character many players will never even see. also being standoffish yet secretly a big softie for kids? classic

Beowolf: his more realistic outlook in the hellscape that is Jugdral but how in the end he can’t pretend he’s not a sentimental bastard. also the flirtiness is fun ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Diarmuid: I honestly just started writing him because I felt like he was the ignored family member and he is 😔 I guess the struggle of trying to find a purpose and clinging to his fam?

Fergus: how teasing and happy-go-lucky he seems but how he protective he can be as well

Fred: how easily trusting yet ride or die he is

Homer: he’s so over the top and outrageously shameless ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but also he’s the one who ends up chronicling their journey for future generations

Jamke: his interactions with Dew and Edain honestly. awkward forest prince gains friends!

Lachesis: her unwavering determination and character development from sheltered idealistic princess to weary protector but also how that refusal to give up doesn’t save her in the end :/

Machyua: Magi squad’s big sis friend

Miranda: her fiery nature that gets dampened by the harshness of reality :’(

Oscar: this is kinda basic but his steadfastness lmao. also his interactions with Kieran

Ranulf: his playful nature while still holding a deep sense of responsibility and levelheadedness

Thor: funny old floof

Tibarn: how ferocious he can be to enemies yet how kind and dependable he is to his friends and allies.

Reinhardt: how his extreme dependence on another for his self-worth affects every aspect of his life and how this could’ve come to be in the first place

Zelgius: how fucked up he is :/ ok actually the contrast between how he presents himself in different contexts VS how he actually is

WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING:

Chatting with friends about character thoughts/motivations and imagining scenarios with them that we’d like to see them react to

FAVORITE TYPES OF THREADS:

Shenanigans and character bonding ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ also threads where stuff doesn’t necessarily go as planned because your muse reacts in an unexpected way

BIGGEST STRUGGLE IN REGARDS TO YOUR CURRENT MUSE:

I do have that multi struggle of worrying I don’t make characters sound distinct enough, or that I don’t pay enough attention to certain muses to “warrant” them having a spot on my roster. This next bit is more about my Genealogy muses but I fear being judged for making them “OOC” because there’s just so much conflicting/open-ended material for FE4 that maybe someone's expecting my charas to act one way and I’m...not gonna live up to that because I don’t see them that way. Ok really this is mostly about Lachesis lmao.

tagged by: stole it off feet

tagging: ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT Rewatch: 1X01 - Pilot

Who says you can’t go home?

The “Pilot” of Once Upon a Time is almost divine in how adored it is. I write this intro just as I prepare to press play on it, and I feel an undeniable tension in my heart. Is there anything that can be said about this episode that hasn’t been said a hundred times before? Am I able to say hello again so soon after saying goodbye?

Only one way to find out. *Presses play*

This gets a little long, so I’m going to be a good Tumblarian and stick my thoughts below the cut! Hope you give them a read!

-Press Release There’s no actual press release for the “Pilot,” but let’s be real, we know the deal. Emma Swan, a bail bondsperson has one hell of a 28th birthday when the son she gave up for adoption 10 years ago - Henry Mills - comes to her doorstep. A trip back to Henry’s hometown introduces Emma to an assortment of townspeople and an even more uncanny story of heroes and fairy tales. Meanwhile, in the past, we see Snow White and Prince Charming cope and fight for their love and family as the Evil Queen threatens them with a curse most vile.

-General Thoughts For a series that needs to weave a central theme around at least two separate plots, simplicity can be one’s best friend, and the “Pilot” is the epitome of that. The plots in and of themselves are simple - a war against a tyrant with a major threat in the flashback and a woman who has never had a family now dealing with one being thrown her way. However, it feels so much bigger, and that’s because hanging around our mains are characters and settings that you just know are going to grow in addition to our mains and transform these simple realms into something greater, something epic. Surrounding Snow and Charming during their discussion in the war room are a set of dwarfs, a fairy, and a cricket, and those same characters show up in our world and at the very least, Archie and Graham hold a promise of a larger role if for no other reason than their professions. We are being promised a more epic story without ever taking away time from the main story, and that’s simply incredible. I feel like there’s so much to gush about when it comes to performances, and because I don’t want this to be super long, I’m just going to highlight some of my favorite moments from each actor and actress in a single sentence. Jennifer as Emma walking towards Ryan like she was the God damned Terminator made me laugh hard and it characterized her as someone cool and confident, allowing for later scenes to paint more of her nuances by showing her vulnerabilities and desires for people in her life. Lana as Regina has a commanding presence during the wedding scene and shows off just what kind of threat she will be to all of those in her way going forward. Ginny as Snow giving up her baby and eternally coining the line “her best chance” is heartbreaking in such a profound way and allows the tragedy of their 28-year separation to subtly play out here and more overtly carry weight throughout the rest of the series. Jared as Henry’s pleas to Emma to listen to him convey a sense of innocence and vulnerability that can bring one back to the most frustrating moments of their childhood. Josh as Charming’s determination as he rides upon his steed in those opening moments allow the audience to feel every bit of intensity and immediately give his relationship with Snow - however obvious the turnout will be - some stakes. Finally, last but certainly not least, Bobby’s chilling performance as Rumple in the jail cell - from the movements of his long fingernails toe the sickly sweet way some of his lines come across - make him suo mysterious and scary as well as give Granny’s lines about him owning the town added weight. Finally, on a funnier note, I’m not gonna lie, but I always wanted an episode that would canonize the “prettier than I” line. Come on - throw Leopold in there, we get a bit more nuance into their relationship as well as see the effects on Regina of Leopold’s neglect for her needs over Snow’s and make a Regina/Snow present plot and there could’ve been something cool!

-Insights Here’s something I noticed during the wedding scene - The necklace Regina wears is the same one that Samedi brought to her in 7x12’s flashback. See “Flip My Ship” for my feelings on that, but I will point out that this gives us new insight as to when Facilier and Regina first met, although as she’s seen wearing it as the curse hits, it’s safe to say that at least one, if not both, of them could be replacements. Another thing I noticed shortly after that I just found funny was how during Regina’s speech to the Charmings, a lot of the guests weren’t cowering as much as gently averting their gazes. While watching the war scene, I couldn’t help but contrast it to the one in the finale. Snow lacks all manner of optimism in the one in the premiere, but by the finale, she’s the epitome of optimism! The wolf always seemed really weird to me, and now that I’ve seen its full schtick throughout the seasons, I gotta say, I’m not impressed. At first, it seems like the wolf was supposed to be a protector of Storybrooke, acting as an agent against Regina. But we’ve only seen it a handful of times and it’s acted like more of a MacGuffin than anything. And MacGuffins are fine, but this one was clearly supposed to mean something and it never really did, not even really in relation to what one would think would be its focal character (Graham).

-Arcs It’s hard to do a segment for arcs when a series has just begun because, well - every arc, in essence is beginning! And honestly, they’re all good, so I’m just going to write out the arcs that have been introduced here. Emma journey of belief Snow finding Charming The power struggle against Regina

-Favorite Dynamic Emma and Regina. I wanted to point this out somewhere, but the framing of their dynamic works so well. Parents who adopt children are more parents to a child than the parents who gave them up for adoption (Unless of course the birth parents died). This is something that we (should) fundamentally understand, especially in a case like this. Regina’s lines about changing diapers, enduring tantrums, and the like are true, and we - as well as Emma - sympathize and agree with that. Her position as mayor as well as the mother of a runaway boy also asks us to question our own feelings towards Regina throughout the episode. The animosity also doesn’t happen from the moment Regina and Emma meet. However, the conflict between them is not so simple. Due to both Regina’s harsh attitude and her actions in the Enchanted Forest, there’s an unease as we watch her, and while Emma’s situation in this matter is far from ideal on any level, we trust her and believe in the bond between her and Henry because while there is harshness there, there’s also an understanding. It’s such a nuanced conflict and knowing now where it has ended - in such a state where both mothers can co-parent Henry and enjoy each other’s company - allows for me to enjoy experiencing it again and appreciate the intricate steps taken making their relationship what it was.

-Writers As you all know, this was Adam and Eddy’s first episode, and it’s pretty freakin’ good! Unfortunately, until I’ve examine more of their episodes, I don’t have a lot to say here. The one thing I do want to point out is that - just like Regina in today’s episode - they are really good at making a strong entrance!

-Culture What made the “Pilot” of Once Upon a Time so popular? I didn’t watch this episode during its initial airing, but what I do know about the time it was released was that a lot of the dramas that were released tended to be gritty. There were exceptions like ABC’s Desperate Housewives, but it was a turn for the edgy in media. And then a show like OUaT came out, one that not only promised hope, but actually allowed for a payoff in the first episode, no matter how small it was in terms of plot. The score especially sells it. While there’s a tone of sadness to it, it’s overarching theme is hope, and that come off so clearly as it plays when the time on the clock changes.

-Rating How can I give it anything other than a Golden Apple? For those that didn’t read my intro, that’s essentially 10/10 with an * for it being truly something else. This episode is marvelous from top to bottom and its barely existent weaknesses are naught but nitpicks. Not only that, I feel like it left me with so much. I just wrote two and a half pages about this episode and I still feel like I’ve done a disservice to it. I didn’t talk about how just relatable and charming and magical everyone is. I touched upon performances, but there’s still so much to be said about everyone. How is it that Robert Carlyle wasn’t even on screen for five minutes and still left one of the biggest impacts of anyone, even some of those more featured than he was? I still have loads to say about Henry and Emma’s dynamic (I was tempted to cheat and put them up there too). I could talk into eternity about the parallels and the setups and the goofy moments in the background. I could speak to how even in episode 1, Storybrooke becomes more not of a place, but a character. I want to read all kinds of things into the line “There’s not a lot of things I’m great at in life.” This episode is so great that it makes me feel guilty for not glorifying it enough, and that’s what makes it worthy of a Golden Apple.

-Flip My Ship Shadow Queen - HE HAD HER PILOT NECKLACE!!!! OMG! MY SHADOW QUEEN SHIPPER HEART IS JUMPING FOR JOY! Snowing - Snowing’s connection throughout this episode was just awe inspiring. You feel the connection between them in every word they spoke and every exchange of expressions they held. It’s demonstrated the most clearly when Snow asks Charming to go and see Rumple. Just the way that she says “him,” and with a look, you just see how he gets it. At the same time, they’re not without conflict and distinctions between the two of them. They have disagreements and act on their own, but are still unmistakably meant for each other. There are many relationships on the show that attempt realism, and even Snowing itself in Storybrooke will encounter that, but moments like these paint Snowing as fantastical and paint a picture of romance here that becomes iconic. Swan Queen - I love me some FoeTP’s and their’s was one hell of a start! The ambiguity of Regina’s intentions and motives as well as sprinkles of selfishness and coldness with and on Emma’s part make their chemistry truly delightful! I reflected on what I liked about them above in my “Dynamics” section, but everything there works fully down here too.

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And that about covers my thoughts on the premiere! I promise you that future posts won’t be nearly as long (Fingers crossed. This took quite a few hours to put together). Hope you liked them and thanks once more to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales for putting this rewatch together! Season Tally (10/220) Writer Tally for Season 1: A&E (10/70)

[storycharacter]

[Not an update but I was re-reading and had to share again. Read this with Hans Zimmer’s “On Thin Ice” as the soundtrack and I dare you not to cry]

The chart displayed on her tablet goes fuzzy again and Alex rubs her fingers along the corners of her eyes, blinking to clear the grit and blur. She sets the tablet on the empty bed next to Kara’s, leaning back in her chair, studying Kara’s form.

It doesn’t make sense. She should be healing.

They’ve compared Kara’s tests now with those from her solar flares, and the data suggests this isn’t that. Eliza spent most of the day studying the results and came to the same conclusion Alex has: Kara’s cells are still processing the solar energy but without the normal effects- no powers, no healing. And no idea why.

Alex stands stiffly, rolling her neck, a hand coming up to massage a particularly tight spot.

Her gaze lands on Maggie, asleep in the corner, her leather jacket bunched up beneath her head on the back of the chair.

Something warm soothes a bit of the ache in her chest.

She tried to send Maggie home for a couple of hours, just to sleep- her fiancé has been pulling double duty: coordinating with her partner at NCPD, working on the investigation and keeping vigil with Alex at the DEO. J’onn even weighed in and Alex thought they’d managed it- but Maggie had simply shown up a half hour later, setting a duffle with clothes and toiletries for the both of them on the counter before resuming her post at the other side of Kara’s bed.

Not for the first time, Alex wonders how she ever got so lucky.

She paces some but eventually sinks back into her chair. Abandoning the tablet and its lack of answers for the moment, she begrudgingly admits to herself she’s so fried the chances of making any headway are slim.

Her gaze returns to Kara, as it has constantly since she came out of surgery, as if Alex’s attentiveness is tied inextricably with the beat of Kara’s heart, the one ensuring the other.

The soft glow of the sunlamps reflects off a surface to the side. Kara’s glasses- an extra pair? Alex picks them up gingerly, wondering who brought them in and how she missed it.

It actually isn’t much of a mystery- she knows she spent several hours in a state of shock, held together only by a combination of her singular focus on Kara, Maggie’s constant presence, and J’onn’s deep voice.

Alex turns Kara’s glasses over in her hands, mind wandering.

Into the precarious silence, she speaks.

“Remember that time you caught me out in the treehouse crying?” The soft shush of the ventilator answers.

“I told you it was because I got beat out for valedictorian by stupid Carl Sorenson.”

She huffs a soft laugh.

“I was pissed about that, for sure, but-“ She looks at Kara, all bandages and wires and pale, too-human skin. “We’re a long ways away from worrying about things like that.”

She’s quiet, solemnness settling over her like a heavy blanket. “I lied.”

“We were prepping for the grad party, Mom and I. She pulled out the bins of old photos, and we ended up going through them for hours.”

They hadn’t even made it through the first bin before the stories began, prompted by the memories ensnared in each snapshot. A younger Eliza, windswept hair and unhindered smile, caught up in Jeremiah’s arms, the ocean at their backs. Toddler Alex, hands on hips and frown firmly in place, the severity of her expression offset by the two pairs of space-themed underwear: one where it belongs and one worn toga-like atop her head.

Alex remembers being so grateful for that time with her mother, for a trip down memory lane that wasn’t laced with sorrow.

Until she wasn’t.

“I came across one of Nan.”

A small smile.

“I’m sad you never got to meet her- you would’ve loved her. And she would’ve adored you, I know it.”

Alex runs her thumb along the frames in her hand. “Did you know she used to wear glasses a lot like yours?”

She pauses, remembering.

“I saw this picture of Nan- it was taken only a year before she died. She’d been traveling- taking the trips she never took when she was younger, apparently. And she looked- man, she looked happy. Grey hair and the biggest grin and the Cliffs of Moher behind her. And I know she wasn’t technically your grandmother but I swear you guys have the same smile.”

Alex smiles even as her eyes grow damp. “And I was saying to mom how cute I thought you’d look as an old lady- that I pictured us out on a front porch together, heckling the neighbor kids. And we’d have like, ten cats.” Alex laughs wetly, picturing it again.

She stares at the glasses. “That was the day mom told me how Kryptonian biology affects aging on earth.”

Eliza, always one to be upfront, had gently corrected her. Had explained that Kara would age slowly, that the sun in her Kryptonian cells would keep her alive much longer than the average human.

That Alex would grow old without her.

That she wouldn’t live to see Kara with grey hair and creases around her eyes.

And Alex, even at that age, had put together what went unsaid.

That Kara would likely outlive all of them.

Would live through the deaths of her friends and family.

Would be the last. Again.

“So I know- I’ve known, since that day, that you’re probably going to outlive me. That even if I get to be a sassy old cat lady, chances are I’d…”

Alex looks to the side.

“I always mean it, you know, when I promise that I’ll be there, that I’m not going anywhere- I do. But…“

But there’re some things you can’t control, now matter how smart or determined you are.

But it’s not a promise she can keep, not for sure. And so every time she says “always” something twists in her gut, because she doesn’t truly know how long their always will be.

A small sigh. “And now we’ve got these insane jobs, both of us.”

Kara put on her family crest, became a hero for the city, the world. And Alex is so fucking proud- she is- even though it kills her every time her sister throws herself in front of danger.

“I love that I get to do this, and that you get to be the hero I always knew you were.”

She thinks through the close calls they’ve had, both of them.

“But I promised myself a long time ago that I would keep you safe. That I would protect you, no matter what. ”

She’s always known there was a real possibility- that her purpose as a protector could get her killed. But she’d made her peace with it a long time ago, considers it an honor to get to fight for the person- the people- she loves most in this world.

She tips her head back to the ceiling, rasping out a whisper. “So I always thought it would be me.”

“Even with the aliens and Cadmus and these insane threats you face- I promised to protect you, and I would.” She swallows hard, nodding. “I would- not just for Supergirl, but for you, Kara. Would gladly give my life for yours. Every time.”

She picks up Kara’s hand, the coolness of her skin a shocking contrast to its normal over-warmth. Alex’s eyes trace her sister’s form, cataloguing each injury, every bandage- as she has a hundred times in the last few days. Each wound is a bruise on Alex’s heart.

“So I thought it would be me. But I wasn’t- I wasn’t there, and I think I forgot-“ A ghost of sticky warmth- of deep, devastating, red- plays across her hands.

“Ever since that day, I’ve been trying to protect you from the likelihood that I’d be the one to leave you, and-“

I forgot that you might be the one to leave.

Instead she says, “I don’t know if you can hear me Kara, but…”

“I know, after all you’ve endured, you of all people have the right to rest, to find peace. And,“ Her voice breaks. “I know you might just want to join your family in Rao’s light, I- that’s okay. It’s okay if that’s what you want.”

Alex shakes her head even as she says the words, a whispered confession to the stillness. “But I don’t know if I can do this without you. I don’t want to do this without you.”

She wills Kara to hear her, wherever she is. “So please- please fight. Come back to us.”

Alex brushes a kiss across Kara’s bruised knuckles, barely grazing the mottled skin, and lays her head down beside their hands. She allows her eyes to close, body and mind spent.

Don’t leave.

[alargebear]

Episode 8

This season has been very good at giving me things that I’ve wanted, but never actually thought I’d get, and this episode continued that trend. Let’s get into it.

This was an episode of quality interactions all-around. The big hitters come later with Ruby, Dia, Leah, and to a lesser extent Sarah, but outside of that, there was some very nice stuff. We’re still getting Riko as the main deadpan to Yoshiko’s antics which is a nice reminder of their developing relationship. It was short, but watching Dia and Mari sync up like they did, and how it mirrored Mari and Kanan from episode 4, was really nice. I’m not sure what it is, but there’s something about their moments together that I love. Riko, in general, is starting to have tiny interactions with other members of the group become more routine, which, for some people, might be important.

Saint Snow is shaping up to be a truly interesting pair. Their almost direct foils to Aqours, but never seem to be direct rivals. Aqours current talent and skills were born from failure, while Saint Snow’s confidence and self-assuredness come from, what seems to be, genuine ability. They’ve been favorites to win the whole thing since last season, even though they’re just as new, Leah being a first-year after all. That’s a simple enough setup for a basic rivalry to form, but that never happens. Sure, Saint Snow were dismissive of Aqours when they first met, but what had Aqours done up to that point to earn respect from the big up and comers?  As soon as Sarah is able to see what makes Aqours special, she gives them respect and helps when needed (To Chika at least.). The obvious contrasts between the groups are never played up as something antagonistic. Instead, they’re used to highlight Aqours fears, or joys, in interesting ways.

I wanted to see a final with both Aqours and Saint Snow, but that got shot down. Saint Snow failed spectacularly. There were hints leading up to that moment, like Sarah's inability to get Leah to talk, or Leah’s shaking hands that Ruby was quick to pick up on. Just as soon as their performance began, it ended. The shoo-ins to advance failed in the most embarrassing way. Its effect on Aqours was immediately shown. That quiet train ride seemed to be a sobering experience for the entire group. The immediate thing on everyone’s mind was whether they should even visit Sarah and Leah after such a devastating loss, but there did seem to be a bit more. A realization that things could end, even for a group like Saint Snow. All that talk of getting performance ideas from the show going in, and to walk out having watched them fail. It’s an interesting angle, and Chika would be a perfect character to explore it, though I doubt it’ll happen much if at all.

Ruby is strong, and I think that needs to be said. Sure, she can be shy, maybe she doesn't really stack up to Dia when it comes to commanding attention, and there’s a meekness to near everything she does, but I don’t think that means she’s weak. We saw it on full display last episode with her will to continue while the group was in disarray (that scene gained way more importance after this episode. Ruby’s conviction probably stemmed from a want to continue with Dia.). We saw it again in this episode. Picking up on things that only a little sister as close to their older sister as Ruby is could pick up on. The shaking, the crying, and the why of it all were things only Ruby could put together, and she was the only one that could help Leah come to terms with what was going on.

This was the sister's episode, and I’m weak to all kinds of sibling bonding. Dia and Ruby have gotten a big spotlight on them as the season’s gone on, and I’ve enjoyed every second of it. We haven’t seen too much actual interaction from Sarah and Leah, but this episode did an excellent job of showing their closeness without direct interaction. We even got to see some talk from Chika about what it’s like to have a big sister, and it was all so very sweet.

Graduation once again takes the spotlight, but with older sisters, it takes on a more emotional meaning. It stands to reason that the fight that Aqours heard about between the Kazuno sisters was about that very subject. Their outburst in the shop didn’t seem like the first fight of that kind. They had the talk before, and it wouldn’t surprise me if that was the core of Leah’s nerves before the performance. Watching all of this unfold has a deep impact on Ruby. She starts to question her own feelings about what will happen after Dia leaves, and she reaches for the same conclusion that Leah does. If it’s not with my big sister, then why keep going? It was Dia’s interest in school idols that sparked Ruby’s, and them being together is a major part of what makes all of this as special as it is, but Dia is all too good at dealing with Ruby, and in turn, giving Ruby the confidence she needs in order to confront Leah. It’s a touching scene between Ruby and Dia as they recognize the inevitable future, but it helped affirm Ruby’s thoughts moving forward.

Ruby and Dia’s perceived dynamic was challenged subtly in this episode. Dia may be overprotective of Ruby still, but it isn’t born from a want to stifle, but to allow growth. During their talk, Dia makes a point to tell Ruby that watching her pursue her own dreams is she takes great happiness out of. Ruby’s ability to make decisions on her own and watching them unfold is something Dia took great joy in and continues to do so. It’s a small difference in the dynamic because Dia is still very much Ruby’s protector, but that protection comes from a want to watch flourish and not much else.

We get to see Ruby’s strength on display one more time. Her want to help Leah allows her to overcome deep shyness and the earlier threat. Ruby wants Leah to understand what Dia helped her understand. It starts off in such a fittingly child-like way, arguing over whose sister is better. A simple way to show their love, because it’s rare to see Ruby stand her ground, and we’ve never seen Leah so animated or talk so much. They break out of their assigned roles when it comes to their sisters. Leah understands what Ruby’s saying, that Sarah will take joy in her accomplishments even if they aren’t in the same group, but there’s a second layer to it. Leah was practicing hard to prove that she’d be okay alone, that Sarah wouldn’t have to worry, but she botched it when it mattered most. Ruby doesn't take that for an answer and tugs Leah along with her, with an adorable smile to boot. It doesn't have to be their last performance, they’ll write a song for their sisters and perform together (I want to believe they’ll make an actual song and it wasn’t just a reference to the ED.). An idea that was very Ruby-like, so simple and full of feeling and Leah went along the whole time.

To wrap things up, I’ve gotta ask. Did anyone ever see that duet at the end happening? It feels so right now, but if you would have told me at the beginning of the season we’d get a Leah and Ruby duet, I’d have called you crazy. Though after this episode I want to see even more of these two. They play off of each other in such a unique little sister way, and they make for the most adorable moments.

An unrelated thing, but as I see more and more of Mari’s character I’m convinced there isn’t as much actual depth or hidden meaning to her character as I keep thinking. She seems like a giant ball of contradictions with the angst and all the shiny in the world, but I'm starting to convince myself that she’s just a happy-go-lucky girl at heart that was dealt a bad hand. Her biggest angsty moments all come from friends and things that affect them. In a way she’s like Chika in that regard, their first thoughts always going to how things affect those around them. I’m still not wholly convinced, but the more I look at Mari through the lens of “This girl just wants to have fun with friends and be stupidly happy, but circumstance is not kind to her” the more I’m convincing myself. Who knows how it’ll shake out going forward, but some stuff I saw in this episode reminded me of the thought.

Also, we’re going to get full versions of these Saint Snow songs at some point, right?