#the cat queues

[catsafarithewriter]

“Please stop implementing secret rooms in the castle without informing anyone.” (whispers um, maybe for the cat kingdom? i totally understand/won't be disappointed if it doesn't spark something tho! XD;; i thought i'd try anyway `~`)

A/N: One Cat Kingdom ficlet coming right up! <3 This was so much fun to write, I always forget how hilarious Natori’s POV is XD Thank you for sending the prompt! 

x

Natori remembered with some fondness the previous Cat King who, even if he hadn't been necessarily sensible, had at least been wise.

(This was less of a contradiction than it sounded; all it meant was that he'd purposely choose his moments to wreak havoc, rather than bumbling blindly into them.)

Natori also, and this was the more pressing issue at hand right now, remembered what the palace had been like during the previous monarch's reign.

It hadn't, for instance, had a secret passage built behind the neoclawssical hunting tapestry in the south wing.

"It's all good," the new Cat King dismissed when this discrepancy was aired, waving his advisor's concerns away with a sweep of his paw. "Every new cat adds their own flair to the palace. It's tradition."

Yes, Natori thought, and that was why the western tower regularly leaked (inexplicably, given the Cat Kingdom's permanently sunny clime) and why the extension from Queen Demeter's experimental magisurrealism phase gave onlookers a headache if viewed on the second Tuesday of the month.

These proved two things. Firstly, that monarchs do not good architects make. And secondly, that no royal advisor has ever been able to convince their monarch of just that.

Somehow, Natori doubted he'd be the one to break this streak.

"Tradition or not," Natori attempted regardless, "it doesn't alter the fact that there is–" a gaping big hole "–a secret tunnel in the south wing."

"And?"

Natori's mind supplied issues such as the terrible draught, the damage it would wreak upon a historical tapestry, and the fact that no fewer than two members of staff had fallen through it already. His mind also supplied that the Cat King was unlikely to be see these as actual issues.

"Well," he opted for instead, "it doesn't go anywhere."

In hindsight, Natori thought, this had been a terrible complaint, designed only to magnify the problem.

"What," he asked a month later, "is that?"

The King glanced up at him, and then down at the trapdoor installed at his feet. "Is this a trick question?"

No, Natori thought, but it had been a polite one. He tried again. "Your Majesty, why is there a secret door in the floor of the Grand Hall?"

"It's an escape hatch," the King told him proudly. "For escaping."

Natori almost didn't want to know, but he had to ask. "Escape where?"

"To the edge of the palace, keep up." The King grinned. "You wanna give it a try?"

"No, I'm... I'll take your word for it."

Keeping in mind the casualties to the tapestry tunnel, Natori quietly informed the staff about the trapdoor, lest any unsuspecting cats fell foul of the hidden opening.

The Cat King could not be said to have a particularly long attention span (this was less a unique personality trait, and more of just the fact that he was a cat) and so it was with some surprise that a maid later informed Natori that she'd leant on the statue of Queen Pawbury and a door had opened in the wall.

Natori found his monarch reclining in a room hidden behind the statue gallery, where a large crystal ball had been installed. Several tapes stacked up against the wall.

'How do you keep managing to build these rooms without me knowing?' was what Natori wanted to demand (and the answer was quite simple: while the King built hidden passages, Natori was too busy running the actual kingdom to notice) but what he actually asked was: "What happened to building tunnels instead?"

The King looked up from where he was watching a rerun of Dogton Abbey. "Oh I got bored of them. Never needed to use them."

"Alas for the lack of revolts," Natori deadpanned.

"Now, secret rooms, they're the way to go."

Natori noted, with resigned dread, the use of the plural there. "If I may be so bold, Sire, but how many secret rooms have you built?"

"Does a swimming pool count?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Then seven."

"Sire, could you please stop implementing secret rooms in the palace without telling anyone?"

"But if I tell people, they're not secret anymore."

Or checked over by a professional architect, Natori was sure. "How am I meant to find you, Sire, if you're hidden away in a secret room?"

The King grinned. "That's the idea. You don't."

x

The King was still young, Natori reminded himself, and would eventually grow out of these... childish actions. (Natori tried not to remind himself that he was only a year or so the King's senior, and he'd never had the urge to dig holes into the nearest wall... well, mostly.)

Life had been a lot easier with the previous king and (he would think in more traitorous moments) would be also a lot easier without the current king. He was just trying not to think too much about that restful life when a maid came running in to tell him the western courtyard wall had collapsed.

"That wall?" Natori echoed disbelievingly. "But that wall is wider than this room." Then, remembering that the western courtyard was inexplicably set adjacent to the sixth floor, added, "Was anyone hurt?"

"No," the maid replied, "but a load of billiard balls have been found in the wreckage."

"Billiard balls?"

"And a table," she added helpfully.

"What would a billiard table be doing in a–" Natori froze. The King. The King and his stupid secret rooms with his stupid lack of foresight – of course the courtyard wall would be built into. He just had to hope that the King hadn't been...

He jumped to his paws and went running for the palace gardens. As told, sandy-white stone littered the grounds, the only colour the occasional cracked billiard ball. Bastet, if the fall could crack billiard balls...

He dug his paws into the brick and tried to pull them back. The stone caught on his pads, paws softened from the years of royal advisor duty, and his claws chipped on the rubble. But he had to keep going. If there was even the tiniest, mouse-bitten chance that the King was still... if could find him before it was too late...

If the King hadn't been so stupid...

"Who's stupid?" someone asked, and Natori hadn't even realised he'd been muttering "stupid" repeatedly under his breath until then.

"The King, he–"

Hang on.

He knew that voice.

Natori staggered back to his feet and stared at the King. Alive. Unharmed. And not in that stupid, stupid secret room. "You're alive," he said, just for good measure.

"Yeah." The King glanced up at the remnant of the courtyard wall. "Lucky I wasn't in there at the time, right?"

"Very." Natori sniffled and tried to look like his usual put-together advisor self, and not like a cat who had just been hysterically digging through rubble for the past five minutes. "Do you think, Sire, that maybe it is time to move on to another hobby?"

The King looked his advisor up and down, and although he didn't comment on the absolute wreck Natori was in, his expression shifted. Just a little. "Fine." He turned away and headed back into the palace. "How does abseiling sound to you?"

Years passed. And Natori almost forgot about the secret passage phase entirely – that was, until a human girl escaped from the Grand Hall down a secret tunnel set into the floor...

x

A/N: the broken courtyard wall line is based on this screenshot of the film:

[lifenconcepts]

cinnamon roll!

[cirrus-grey]

Interesting detail: both Bonzo cases have been Category 1, Rank B. The only other CAT1RB case has been Needles.

[feyinvestigations]

Shoutout Damian Wayne - no one is doing it like him <3

First // prev // next

Masterpost

I have several more of these that are almost done-- but I'm struggling to cinch them together :[[ so please have a weird little collection of Damian tweets.

Taglist under the cut + first reblog

@desicanary // @thegayseance // @soaring-through-the-stars // @thebat-musicman // @percyyeuss // @pathofglory // @andreaissy // @themiraculousec // @gnomewithalaptop // @viola-cola // @milotic109 // @kamala-msmarvel-khan // @suffer-my-beloved-mutuals // @arcadianico // @your-dead-european-ancestor // @asmodeusmustdiexo // @max-volume // @itsmeevie01 // @leagueofbats // @catostrofiqu // @amillionandonefandoms // @shykitten28 // @atlasaurelius // @ihavenohotcocoa // @kai-antreas // @living-on-borrowed-time // @o-i-have-too // @aroaceass // @silverwolf1249 // @cannimochi //

@1n0sss // @craptastico // @lovethewitchofendor // @insomniacweebqueen16 // @fashionstatement-deathwish // @brieftimetravelwhispers // @crabs-brencil // @universal-travel-er // @royal-illusion-loves-his-fandoms // @blankliferain // @p1xel-1mp // @kades-stuff // @theweevilofsweetreef //

// @fablehaven-rulez // @kalifornialove // @justahoomanbeing // @frosty--giants // @you-are-valid-and-deserve-love @slitherynchiken // @kazbrekkersfedoraaintgotshitonme //

[gramdraw]

Catto Robo

Comm for @/GentlemannCo 🌶🌶🌶 via 🅿atreon

[lackingdaisies]

misadventures in flirting ft. zib and mordecai

[watcherwingedcat]

Do you think there were nonhumans when the first sapiens set foot on earth?

Do you think there were therians when the first writings were redacted?

Do you think there were otherkins when the Roman Empire fell?

Do you think there were otherhearted beings when America was discovered?

Do you think there were alterhumans when the French Revolution set off?

Do you think we were always there?

[buggachat]

[anchoeritic]

spider-man!ellie chasing after black cat!reader, ending in a heated kiss once you mention her girlfriend waiting for her at home. you wouldn’t paint spidey as the type to.. be unloyal, but it didn’t seem to matter once you felt her lips on yours with her hand digging deep between your thighs.

it was a shame that her lil girlfriend had a hot meal prepared on the table just for her but that thought didn’t cross her mind once. not once. the only thing that kept playing in her head was the whine you let escape against her lips. even under your mask, she could see how much pleasure she brought to you through your spandex uniform.

“think you’re so funny bringin’ her up, huh?” she asks you, tilting her head like she was trying to intimidate you. her fingers rubbing against just the right spot through your suit. “seems like you’re jealous that it’s her and not you,” she only continues, but with a smile on her face this time.

you could only whimper and moan under her touch, moving your hips to the slight bend of her fingers on your clit. “so desperate to feel good, kitty. but did you forget?” her voice rasping to the tip of her tongue, letting her fingers go even quicker against you.

“did you forget that i have a girl of my own at home waiting, hm? someone that’s not you,” she tried to push you on the edge of jealousy, rubbing it in your face, “a pretty girl that treats me so well. that’s too bad, though. ain’t it, kitty?”

[fceriegifs]

Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley featuring Jonesy

ALIEN (1979)

[meroaw]

squirrelstar and ivypool !

these two will be free stickers in any order on my store, yes. any order. please just dont order from etsy!! i am trying to move sales. this also includes ten's items - ANY orders! i will give you free stickers. just put thunderclan if you want both, or squirrelstar if you just want squirrel!

[twistedappletree]

lan wangji: *brings home baby a-yuan*

lan xichen: i want one too :(

lan jingyi:

[transcendragon]

I saw a picture from @pangur-and-grim of Pangur in her fluffy winter coat and I absolutely HAD to make fan art of her. She is such a beautiful creature

Image description in alt text

[14dayswithyou]

[10 May 2022] How would Ren react if he found out that MC preferred the type of style he normally has? (when he doesn’t change himself to look like MCs anime/ webtoon husband)

*frantically dyes his hair black again and puts his piercings back in*

AKFJAAFKD In all seriousness though, he'd honestly be shocked that you liked that kind of style. Ren /really/ believed that you preferred softer styles (read: Haruko), so it would take a fair bit of convincing for him to switch back.

[juniper-clan]

Moon 16: Mystery Kittypet…

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[she-wu]

o.s.o.s' regular customer: choi san ᯓᡣ𐭩 + cutie yunho