#the asd struggle of something i love being changed

[roboraptor]

ERRA is a band that i will probably adore until the end of time like they literally haven't released a bad song, but from what i can tell all the fans fucking suck. so i can't like... talk about them with anyone lol.

[heavensmortuary]

How does your ASD affect your faith personally? (If at all)

I think, if anything, it's made me follow a life path I didn't think I would have followed without ASD, and it's caused me to trust in God in a way I wouldn't have, I think. I've had a lot of struggles brought on by autism (and it's comorbid disorders), as much as there's good things about it, but not living like how my peers do is tough.

I think it's trusting that God does, in fact, have a plan for my life even if it feels like my brain is trying to sabotage me. Always feeling like I'm failing at being a good Christian woman that is expected of me, feeling more like an grotesque alien in the ill-fitting human suit of a Christian woman when I'm around other Christians, for many reasons. A lot of "you don't get along with other Christians because you're weird and God doesn't like you, personally" feelings. I don't have the same desires and needs as a many people, and it made me feel as if there was something wrong with me, especially spiritually. I think there's a huge expectation of christian women (and secular, of course, but especially christian) to be perfect in every way, and it tends to follow a one size fits all way of life. I've failed multiple jobs via various mental issues, I feel more upset and needy than most people, I don't have useful/profitable/popular nor 'christian' interests, I don't have a degree, I didn't get accepted by my peers so I didn't make good connections with people that could have benefitted me, etc. And all of this can feel like a failure when you're trying to live the christian ideal of a woman, like getting married and having kids and a house and a nice ministry and a perfect relationship with God, all while being neurologically plateaued by the time you're 22, even though you're trying your best just to survive day to day in your relatively easy life.

It's a lot of 1. pushing past jealousy 2. pushing past self hatred and cursing God for not giving me a brain that works how I wish it would 3. accepting that if I move towards Him, and devote everything I have to praising him, then Ill be alright, even if it's not in a way that's approved by my peers (nor by me)

a lot changed for me faith wise when when I learned I could worship God in my own way, be it through studying science and spending time outdoors in wonder, or praising God for giving me joy when I draw or enjoying anything that reminds me of Him or His nature. God reveals himself in ways I might not see if I wasn't autistic, and I have to trust that's good and lovely

This got kinda ramble-y but I hope it made sense somewhat.

[rouge-fauna]

Some people think that your take on c!Tommy having aspd is dehumanizing and/or stigmatizing aspd because you don't like c!Tommy and therefore are biased and this take is based on hating him or seeing him as pure evil or something. How do you comment on that?

[essay on c!Tommy having ASPD]

Well my initial thought, is - say it to my face or don't say it at all ;P... like I feel like I try to create a safe space to have discussions, like if you disagree with me that's fine, let's talk about it. I'd love to understand why. I wanna know your reasons, I wanna see your evidence, and maybe neither of us change our opinions but maybe we gained some insight or at least understand where the other is coming from more by the end.

Besides that... First I would like to say, I never claimed to be unbiased. In fact I've written multiple essays on the topic of bias and how we all have inherent bias in the dsmp and why that might be. I've even talked about how I am biased and the reasons why that might be. As well as how our inherent bias makes it sometimes hard to have good analysis or discussion.

Secondly, while I do dislike c!Tommy in the same way I also dislike c!Quackity and c!Wilbur, I don't think I have ever reduced them to pure evil or dehumanized them or at least I have not intended to do so. They are very complicated characters, who are people and I hope that while I have talked about them not having empathy, I haven't reduced them to just evil. Especially in regards to Tommy, who I have somehow talked a lot about, I feel like I have covered a lot of other facets of him then just noting him as a sociopath or having ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder). In addition, for Tommy I have used sociopathy to note how his behavior isn't inherently malicious. I don't think he is trying to just go out and hurt people, but instead I think he does things without the consideration for other people because he lacks empathy. (Besides c!Quackity's confessed sadism) I don't think there are really any characters in the dsmp out to just hurt people on purpose, for the sake of hurting them. I think instead, some characters seem to do things for their own benefit and themselves without any thoughts for other people and any remorse for the hurt they cause. This does not make them any less of a person, but also certainly isn't going to pull any sympathy from me if they themselves don't have any...

Anyways, now about ASPD, I may be far from an expert and certainly don't personally struggle with it. However, I did have conversations about it with three different therapists including my grandfather who worked with people who needed someone bilingual, my sister in law who works a lot with couples and people recovering from substance abuse, and my own well accomplished therapist. Also, in addition to doing my own research looking at reputable sources, my best friend has a younger brother with ASPD. So, I have tried to be knowledgable as I can before talking about it, though it is also a highly complicated diagnosis process that is not agreed upon across the board of psychologists, with many having varying opinions on the matter. Not only with there not being a lot of treatment options, but also a struggle of how to diagnose someone as not having empathy if you are not in their head.

ASPD is very complicated, something I think I have tried to highlight. So much so, that from what I have gathered more recently, it has been confused with other diagnosis such as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Something I actually talked about in my essays about why I think c!dream is autistic [post]. Because for a long time when I was younger, I thought I was a sociopath, but as it turns out I do have empathy it just looks a little different than neurotypical's. And I almost wonder, even though it's not my place or area of knowledge to even say so, if these people coming forward talking about how ASPD and sociopathy can be so dehumanized or stigmatized, if they perhaps might actually have a different diagnosis, because the way I understand it they generally shouldn't care about what other people think of them anyways. And since I came across somebody recently bringing up a diagnosis that isn't even a thing recognized by psychologist [post], I am beginning to wonder how warped the Internet is making our perception of mental illness and diagnosis...

Finally, I would like to also just add, that ASPD is a personality disorder, which as far as I understand it, means it is describing patterns of an individual's thinking and specifically behavior. Therefore it doesn't seem unreasonable or stigmatizing to me to take a character, not a real life person, and the actions that happened in canon and classify them as falling into the pattern of sociopathy/psychopathy/ASPD. Not to say the character then represents ASPD or is what it always looks like, but just that it fits them and helps explain why they did what they did...

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

It doesn't seem to get discussed very often, but what's it like to have comorbid ASD and NPD?

hard

No but seriously it's like playing Squid Games when you don't know the rules (and everyone else does). How do I suppose to get my social validation without understanding what people expect from me??

Also it makes treatment very hard because line between maladaptive NPD pattern and adaptive ASD strategy is very blurry. For example, one therapist told me that I need to stop thinking so much about how other see me. Because that's narcissistic and constant performing prevents me form forming genuine connections. Okay Gretchen, but have you ever experienced consequences of smooching your classmate on the lips in front of everyone because being 7 you were convinced that kissing is just expression of love and you loved your best friend? And you had no idea that people have different boundaries and it's socially unacceptable for girls to kiss girls, even platonically? Cause I did and that's why I know I can't just "stop thinking" what is acceptable, and what is not. Not only for my own benefit of being liked but also to not make others uncomfortable.

It's also a constant internal struggle to identify if something I do/feel is just me being autistic (normal, I can't help it) or me being narcissistic (bad, evil, should be treated). Or maybe it's all narcissistic, I just use autism as an excuse because narcissism is undesirable pathology so ofc as a narcissist I would like to distance myself from it? Seriously stigma around narcissism fucked me up. Additionally it severly influences the way NPD is treated by medical professionals. One German psychiatrist I know told me that his hospital avoids giving poeple NPD diagnosis because "it's like telling someone that they are certified shitty person". My friend I met during the group therapy was constantly criticized for forgetting about stuff and being "insensitive to others needs" and therapists blamed it on his narcissism, that "makes him so self absorbed he's incapable of paying attention to the outside world". It turned out the guy just has ADHD. It's seriously such a struggle to explain people that suppose to help you that you are not that bad, you are not careless, you seriously want to be a well adjusted person but there are some things you cannot easily change.

Also it fascinates me how little research exists about connection between NPD and neurodivesity (I have some theories why's that but I don't have enough evidence to make any serious claims). It's an anecdotal evidence but out of 11 people with diagnosed NPD I know, 7 of them have ASD or ADHD. And to me it makes so much sense because one of major factors influencing development of NPD is feeling of inadequacy. Yeah, constantly failing at social interactions and basic chores while everyone seems to be doing just fine and you have no idea what you could do better makes you feel pretty fuckin inadequate. Of course there are other things required to form PD but that's a great start.

[v3nusxsky]

Hello!

Let me start by saying I love your fics and your style of writing! Thank you for sharing this with all of us :)

Can you write a Larissa x f!reader where reader is on the spectrum, experiences sensory overload, and has a panic attack? Larissa provides comfort/care that the reader hasn't experienced before, and reader let's Larissa physically comfort her (something reader hasn't let anyone do?)

Sorry for the long ask. I just had to leave a job because I was written up for having a sensory overload panic attack, and I could really use Larissa comfort right now.

Thank you :)

Hello my lovely anon! I’m so glad you enjoy my work and I enjoy sharing them with you all. Hearing how much you love them or how they impact you makes my day. I tried to give this my shot <3

I’m here

*Authors note| I adore this prompt and the fact I myself and some of my siblings are either sensory or on the spectrum made it that much more special for me to write. I hope it reaches the dear anon and helps even a little*

Trigger warnings ~ panic attacks sensory overload asd spectrum

Prompt~ see the ask^^^

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

You were diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) at the age of three years old. You knew just how rare that was because it was significantly harder to diagnose in females than males. Lots of younger girls are commonly dismissed because they present differently from the boys with ASD. You also had Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) which could be quite often coupled with being on the spectrum. In fact SPD was actually on the spectrum just the lower end which is why it made sense that some people would have both. And you were one of them that did.

You were now an adult, all through schooling you had struggled and being an outcast had added to that. That's why when you found Nevermore up couldn't help but fall in love with it. It created safe spaces for those who felt they didn't belong. Perfect for you. Which is why you stayed on to teach after your graduation. Your ability to control and manipulate the weather was rather easy to hide so every year you would be curious to hear the first years try and guess your ability. Some believed you to be psychic, some believed you to be a mind reader and other thought an empath. Truly you were none of those but you could see why they had guessed them.

Nervermore brought you to your girlfriend, Larissa Weems. The principal of Nevermore a stunning, tall, gorgeous shape shifter. You had been so scared to reveal your diagnosis to Larissa, fear of not being accepted by the women who held your heart. But Larissa took you in her arms and reassured you that it didn't change anything and she loved you the way you were. Nothing in the world would change that. You were her Y/n. In fact, when you had fallen asleep, cuddling her like a koala bear, Larissa took out her phone and began to do some research into ASD and SPD hoping to be able to support you. She knew of them but wanted more depth on her knowledge to be able to help you. If you were have a melt down or attack then she would have more of an idea on how to best help you. Since your relationship started, you hadn't really had many issues. But you always knew if you ever did Larissa would be there for you.

Despite knowing that, today when you were mid lesson and everything seemed to be too much you panicked. The class were having partner work tasks to complete when suddenly the room felt too loud, the clothes you had on seemingly scratching at your skin and your control over your ability dwindling fast. You immediately made your way into your desk and fished out one of your sensory balls. The ball Larissa had brought you with multi coloured little jelly balls inside that were only visible when you squeezed it. You even found the piece of fabric you had stolen from Larissa's broken scarf that felt like a childhood teddy you'd long since lost. Normally those items would help you through your sensory overload. But not today. And that small fact was causing panic to surge through you at an alarming rate.

Thankfully the bell sung out releasing the students for their fourth period, unfortunately for you the noise was ten times louder than normal and it had you covering your ears in an attempt to muffle the noise. You had planning period for fourth period which is why you immediately locked your room up and made your way to the room you and Larissa shared. The weather outside changing into a mess of sun rain and storms and as you slept further and further into the panic. Everything becoming too much for you. Your clothes had to go. They felt like little claws scratching at your soft skin so you were quick to rip them from your body as you moved closer into the bedroom. Grabbing your softest blanket you wrapped it around yourself as you paced the floor. Why couldn't you calm yourself down? Was the bell still ringing? Why could you literally hear every little sound? Hell even the sound of your own breathing was too loud.

You quickly threw yourself onto the bed revealing in the soft sheets as you buried your nose into your girlfriends pillow allowing the scent of her to wash over you. Really and truthfully you knew you should've found the older women but everything was too much and you just needed it to stop. However when the door creaked open you knew exactly who would be stood there. Harsh sobs left your body as you muttered apologises to the women about not finding her and failing. She knew if she were to hold you now, the touch would overwhelm you and you would wriggle and squirm in an attempt to separate yourself from it. So she settled for sitting next to you on the bed and reassured you. She was here and you were not alone. She was not mad at you and was so proud that you had taken yourself somewhere you felt safe. The fact you clutched on to her pillow, breathing in her scent made her heart swell.

Only when you whimpered out "rissy hug" did the older women scoop you up and bring you to her chest so you could position yourself in your favourite koala hug. You adored this position, straddling her thighs and arms wrapped around her neck with your head hiding in her neck is where you felt safe. Larissa gently rocked you both knowing just how much you enjoyed that, your little happy sigh being all the proof she needed as she brought her hand to your back to rub slow deliberate circles. She knew how these meltdowns took their tole on your brain and body. Rest was what you needed now and she would gladly provide that for you and more if you needed it.

She already knew she'd get a sub for your last few lessons of the day but when she felt those cute little breaths you did in your sleep against her neck she knew neither of you would be moving from the bed. So she shifted to lay back and allow you to snuggle up to her. Your blanket having fell slightly in the moving showing her that you had been so stressed when your clothes had bothered you. With a small tug of the blanket you were all wrapped up nice and warm and sleeping calmly against her. She loved that she was a safe person for you. That you would actively seek out her physical touch. You had told her you never allow anyone to touch you in these episodes or in the come down and aftermath. The fact you allowed her and even asked for it was just so special. It was here in these moments that Larissa didn't see you with a diagnosis, no she just saw you. Perfect as can be. Her lover and one day her wife. How on earth had others said such cruel words to someone as angelic as you would always remain a mystery to her. It was then her constant soothing circles on your back had began to lull her into a slumber with you.

Word count <; 1385

*Authors note~ all I'm gonna say is I do squirm and wriggle if I'm in sensory overload and I'm touched. It feels like fire honestly so if you are gonna help try to ask what they need*

[sonicelectro47]

15 Years on the Spectrum

Yep, JIC you didn’t know, I’m on the Spectrum (=

I think it’s already been 15 years since I was first officially diagnosed with an ASD. And being #autismawarenessday, I also wanted to celebrate it with this little sketch, which illustrates some of the general traits I share:

I’ve struggled to socialise, still to this day. I’ve gotten better with making friends now though. 🫂

The spearheads of my biggest interests have been: Thomas the Tank Engine, LEGO, Doctor Who, The Olympics/Paralympics, Photography and Graphic Design. ❤️💙

My comfort activity is drawing, and making digital designs is something I’m fixated on pretty much everyday, work-wise. ���️🎨

Listening to soft rock music, especially classics from the 80s/90s is also my personal favourite and super uplifting - LOVE guitar, synth & drums 💖🎸 🥁 🎹

+Ooh, not sure if you do the same, but I always picture these cool animations in my head whenever I listen to certain songs.

I’ve always felt a deep connection to nature, specifically with the wind. Can’t describe it, but I tend to feel one with it. 🍃

I’m a serious perfectionist… like for this sketch which took longer to finish than hoped 😐 Also like to keep everything tidy and sort things out 👍

I hate last-minute plan changes; They don’t end up being too bad, but still they just suck. 

Being touched - like suddenly poked = No >=|

Finally, I like wearing comfy clothing, and repeating quotes from films/TV shows - “I cannot say” (Benoit Blanc, Knives Out) 🗣️

So yep. I’m sorry I’m not sure if I’ve explained or illustrated in good detail 3=\

For a while I wanted to share and express what it’s like for me as an Aspie.

And I think it’s awesome, for any autistic person, to have the most wonderful insight to the world around you, and having a special interest that makes you You, and to use as your own strength!

And from what I’ve learned, you help make people you know & who care about you happier (=

Happy Autism Awareness Day! 🌈🌟💙

[eddiediaaz]

From somebody struggling so very much in life, I feel you big time. The feeling your a waste of space, being 32 with no friends, still living with my parents, never been in a relationship in my life nor experience anything with someone before. I am always alone apart from when I am in work and even in work I feel out of place, can never do anything right or at least I feel like I can't and feel I just annoy people, it could be down to my ASD but I just don't know. I literally sit in my room on my laptop or doing diamond paintings wondering if there's really any point in moving forward because nothings going to change for me. I just keep having to remind myself that perhaps one day it will and focusing on other things than telling myself that I am not enough and forever will be alone.

Anyway the whole point to my message is to let you know I know the feeling your feeling all too well and I hope you know your not alone. You are worth something and you will find your way back to yourself.

while there is comfort in knowing i'm not alone feeling like this, i'm sorry you're also feeling that way. i wouldn't wish this on anyone, thank you for sharing. know that you are also worthy of love and everything good <3

[shifuto]

hey you, yeah you

someone asked me a while ago about how I managed to build my self-esteem and I suspect the answer was not what they wanted to hear but hey, maybe it helps someone else

get a therapist and get to work, it's probably going to suck

external factors

so I believe most mental illnesses are worsened by external stuff (no, your brain is not broken, yes, I'm including stuff like ASD and ADHD here, but these are NOT the only neurodivergencies so jot that down first), heck I even believe they are caused by it and it gets passed down genetically etc.. well, the point is "you can't heal where you've been hurt" is true whether it's a harmful place or harmful people. You need to get out

now it is hard for folks to get out, I get it. Money is a big problem, lack of support is another, too. Do what you can however you can. Oftentimes trying to "fix" something/someone/a place who is "broken" is not going to work so you have to move the fuck on. Move away. Cut them off. Do what you can but do something

it might hurt, you might regret it, you might suffer, it's going to be awful probably.. but maybe not.. either way, it might not be easy and that's fine. Change is often not easy, even when, and especially when it's good for you. The other side is worth it, at least it was worth it for me <3

internal factors

that's your internal work and doing things for yourself for your own sake. To me, it helped when I started asking myself "what do you want?" and going from there. Sometimes it's not easy to find because maybe you've been so conditioned to serve others and looking at yourself was seen as "selfish" - yeah but that's bullshit, go unlearn that stuff. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, you're not responsible for other people's issues with you, etc etc etc

yeah you don't really need to love yourself to death or anything, you know? It's hard to do that when you come from a place of pain I guess, it will happen regardless the more you heal. Be patient, try to be compassionate, you don't have to be best buddies with yourself to treat yourself with respect. Give it time and it will happen

to me this year was special because of all things that have happened to affirm my lack of gender and, therefore, me becoming more comfortable literally existing. I was always like "no I'm fine everything is alright :3" but what do I know?! Sometimes "fine" is just what's familiar to you, doesn't mean what's good or best for you. You can get used to a lot of things, including things that will hold you back without you even realizing

well after that I feel like.... it's smooth sailing... sorta

I do not need other people's validation and I know my worth and value enough to not put myself through bullshit, so I stopped doing that. It only happened this year when I finally managed to get into this good mental space, with an actual self-esteem

it's isolating? Yeah a little but just goes to show you how much people are only around for as long as they can manipulate you or take advantage of you, among other things, or they're simply in different stages of healing in their own personal journeys and struggles, and there's no space for them in your life, or for you in theirs. No one's fault, it just happens. It could be so many things, really

I used to not understand why I was coming off as so "intimidating" to people because I was just existing and being myself and that is PRECISELY why: confidence and emotional maturity can be triggering to people because it makes them face their own insecurities and issues they are not addressing or do not want to address - and that's literally not your problem or something for you to fix. They might want to project their shit onto you but it will reflect right back at them because you know who you are and what you want, and you will not be swayed as easily, and so on

so yeah.. remove yourself from unsuitable or harmful environments and cut off unsuitable or harmful people if you can, even if it's your home, even if it's your family/friends/partners, so you can actually fucking heal from your shit. Yeah probably gonna suck, you'll be probably lonely and it will be probably horrible (do you see me complaining about it all the time? Yeah ^^;) but there's nothing compared to this peace of mind and being able to show up for YOURSELF and to stop settling for crumbs. It's empowering as fuck, even with loneliness. I'm happy with myself even with the pain, I'm happy I'm able to say "no" and I'm happy I'm not trapped in unsuitable situations in unsuitable places with unsuitable people. I'll take the loneliness, please and thank you!

ask yourself what the fuck do you want and try to honor that shit. Is it something you want because you want it or is it because you're looking for external acceptance/validation? Because if it's external, you'll never find peace in your life, because you'll always need to seek and seek, it's gonna suck and drain you. To me, it helped finding the things I'm passionate about and just diving deep. Yeah, get some hobbies, reconnect with older passions, find new shit to love, etc.. it can tell you a lot about yourself. You can do it with others too, but you are the priority here

try making the changes you want to change, even if it feels pointless or too much work, you do not know how you'll feel after - that was literally how I got here: "well this doesn't really bother me anymore so why would I change it" and then I went and changed it and suddenly I have a goddamn self-esteem. Don't take that stuff for granted, follow your heart, your mind, your gut, whatever that is, (being mindful of traumas and triggers and anxieties too) and see where it will lead you

making space for yourself, showing up as yourself and just enjoying your own presence and being yourself is not a mistake or a bad thing. I personally think it opens up space for people and places that actually matter to me, because I'm not so busy fretting over people who don't want me or cherish me how I need them to, or being in places I do not want to be just because that's what I'm "supposed" to do, etc

honor what you want, be nuts about something you enjoy and your self-esteem will flourish <3

good luck

[ondaspectrum93]

Do you have a diagnosis of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) & love to paint/draw/sketch/collage/sculpt/collect various visually pleasing objects/create online visual media/mixed media/sing/dance/write/participate in any medium of creative expression as a means to communicate as a person with an intellectual disability? WELL I DO & YOU WILL DEFINITELY ENJOY IT AS MUCH AS I DO FOR I AM LEARNING TO BE PROUD OF THE BEAUTIFUL CREATIONS, CONTENT, PHOTOGRAPHY & THE PROCESS OF REPETITIONS INVOLVED IN MY TRANSFORMATIONS FROM RAW PAPER OR BLANK PIXEL SLATES TO WHICH I AMPLIFY THE BEST SENSATIONS OF COMPLETING THE SELF STARTED AND CHOSEN TASKS TO WHICH I COMPILE AND SHARE WITH MY STRANGERS WHO STUMBLE ACCORDINGLY TO MY TAGS ACROSS MY PAGE. I want to discover other humans, specifically people above the age of 18 who are either intellectually or learning disabled or co-morbid the way I am, at this point in their life, I’d love to hear about their experiences & struggles & random thoughts that pop to mind as shared along with their own thoughts about how they relate to each other’s creations… what circumstances led to this artwork being made & published & what is your name/handle/identity in your own words as the artist? I’m hoping for this page to be a place to make friends, especially even if you don’t create any art or writing or videography for yourself by yourself just yet, but plan on doing so in the first opportunity coming up with something inspiring you to go ahead and bite the bullet & stop letting people/places/things/because/but/fear driven overwhelming thoughts setting fear inside & preventing the accessible pathway from dipping your toes in the water & making a mess of mistakes bc they are so much more important to make than it is to be practiced in perfectionism’s which nobody succeeds at in this universe with or without the idiosyncrasies known to our community! This is a judgemental free space which has been made possible by the low functioning highly sensitive empath named Jacqueline Mae Gutwilik who has been going through worst heartbreak of her life post missed miscarriage12/22 & subsequent trauma caustic to her husband who is afflicted with opioid & crystal meth addiction which is now the scariest thing she is grieving on a daily basis for the past two years now (when she noticed his soul was not compatible with hers any longer for she started slowly catching up to the social cues, anxiety and pressure driven by her partner to make decisions about life that were harmful to her poor health problems in retrospect causing her Wilson Disease to deteriorate & displacing her from her comfort zone/stability by moving back to her childhood abuse/abandonment home & wound up w/o anyone b/c she had been living in an isolated domestic abusive cycle for 7 years before aware of it & her environment is NOT safe STILL to date; No matter how much she is a positive helpful, healthy, supportive to others around her, she cannot seem to make any progress or difference in her own life as per she is broken from her entire life lived trusting in the monsters who took/take advantage of her [as they victim shame her & cry wolf & dictate her life by making false reports to the police against her to try & control her or make her forced into homelessness] so she has no choice but to make her own artwork as she is doing the best she can to cope with the tremor from Wilson Disease symptoms that truly makes her feel unable to tolerate living alone in suffering while being unable to be as productive or professional or socially responsible for her own needs because she has changed exponentially from her trauma & ptsd & day to day problems that she cannot control anyone but herself & do her best to make better choices, which involves creating as much mixed/multi media prompts & writing snippets for sparking ideas for other people to join in & share their projects & play along with me, as well as hopefully find comrades with similar experiences in life through the process of learning w/their ASD diagnosis as transitioning from childhood to adulthood).

[autisticlifelessons]

Hello there,

I'm a parent to a child that I strongly suspect has autism and ADHD. The characteristics were subtle at first, but over the years they've have become more apparent. They're now in their tweens, and I'm finding it difficult to connect with them.

They have obscure interests, and while we try to appeal to those as much as we can, it never seems to be enough. They want the novel experience of something new (ADHD), whilst still wanting to stay firmly within their comfort zone (ASD). Most family and social events are met with hostile disapproval and repugnance, but they also complain about being bored and lonely. This is a complex balancing act to include them and make them feel comfortable, and more often than not I don't get it right, try as I might. This is causing my child a lot of frustration, depression, and moodiness since their emotional and psychological needs are not being met. They aren't willing to compromise, and I don't know what else to do to help bring some happiness and joy into my child's life.

It also doesn't help that I have another child with special needs that requires my time and attention as well. I have ADHD, and my older child's bluntness can be incredibly hurtful and trigger my own RSD (which they also have, but struggles to empathize when the shoe is on the other foot). I am aware that I am the adult in the situation and should handle this better, yet I am also a sensitive ND person and going through my own psychological growth in life. There seems to be arguments or heated interactions between them and other family members on a daily basis, and I don't want that for any of us.

I have seen my child at their best, and they practically GLOW with elation and confidence during those times. They're so very intelligent, talented, and clever, and it saddens me so much to see them so depressed and withdrawn the rest of the time. There is an important place in this world for my wonderful child, but I'm unsure of how to help them.

Is there any advice, even small, that you could offer for someone in my position?

Hey

I haven't been doing much with this blog lately so I'm so sorry if you have been waiting a long time for a response.

That sounds like a really sucky situation and I am sorry you and your family are going through this. You sound like a wonderful parent doing their absolute best and it must be so frustrating to feel like your efforts aren't getting you anywhere.

The tween years are a time of transition and can be rough even for neurotypical children as their bodies and minds change and grow and they begin exploring their identity. It may be that there is nothing else you can so except continue to support them as best you can until they find some new equilibrium. In terms of protecting your own and your other child's wellbeing, it may be time to enact a bit of 'tough love' by asserting boundries on what is and isn't acceptable. You could help them come up with coping strategies such as box breathing to help them calm down when they are frustrated.

I hope that helps. But coming from a family of neurodivergent people with differing traits and support needs I know how hard it can be to try at support someone while trying to protect your own mental health.

Hang in there, you got this xxxxx

[rosyspectraldoll]

Hi, I know nobody is watching or really caring, but I had to put this somewhere and I don't have the energy to be a chuunibyou about it right now... so yeah.

My name is Rose Euphemia P[redacted]. Or rather, my true name, since I never got the chance to be able to legally change it to this... I do wish I could though. Yes, my middle name is a Code Geass reference, and it's very, very, very important to me. My deadname, although legal, is irrelevant. And it's just a chuuni naming convention thing, because I am and was always a cis woman.

I'm not planning to be around much longer. But the chuuni-posts that I write do have some spiritual truth to them. What parts, I don't care to elaborate because I find them too personal to me to divulge... but I miss the past life I had within the stars of Cassiopeia. A lot. Whether you think I'm delusional before, during, or after my attempt to flatline myself on the worm moon is also irrelevant, I'll be doing it anyways. I just wanted to be able to live with my soulmate. He means everything to me, he's my only happiness. I worked my hardest to be able to bridge this long distance gap between us that we both are in so much pain about and have been in pain about for four years now, roughly... but the harder I tried and the more I struggled and persevered and fought my hardest, the more I realized that I did everything right and would have always still failed with all the cards stacked against me and my success to make any sort of secure living like they are in North America and have been for decades... even with me and my soulmate sharing half the bills each.

It would have been this way for anyone, but I also just couldn't handle the burnout that comes with being ASD diagnosed in this allistic hell-world and trying to find a job at all, then keep it when any entry level job was always going to chew me up and spit me out in a very unforgiving fashion.

I have dreams of owning my own business, but unfortunately, I'm a weeb whose dreams, ever since I was a child after having watched my gateway anime, Tengen Toppa Gurren Laggan, was to have an animation studio of my very own. Animation is startlingly expensive of a profession on the industry level, so starting an animation studio in this state of affairs in the world would be suicide without licensing connections or an established industry connection... You know, all those anime industry connections that exist locally in North America lmao. It's funny... My actual older brother introduced me to Gurren Lagann as a younger kid. A probably way too young for Gurren Lagann third grader introduced to Gurren Lagann and anime as a whole by my literal Big Bro. He's also kind of Kamina-esque irl, good with ideas, bad with commitment, but is a hype-man and wild older brother if nothing else. I should have been an amazing success story of beating all odds irl anime style in the name of my passion, and damn did I try. I researched everything I could about the industry, practiced animation, watched so much of my favorite shonen stuff because it was just my favorite type of anime, always was, learned how to direct something from a creative director's standpoint, and I did actually make connections in like, Sakuga Foundry on discord and on Twitter (@RosePalaceTTKE) if you really want to count my earnest efforts and persistence but barely even meager returns as anything worth noting. At least the guys in Sakuga Foundry would recognize my "GOOD MORNING MINNA-SAN!!!!!" greeting habit from a mile away, so I know somebody besides my love would mourn me. At least I was noticed, even while I failed.

I was born in the wrong time to pursue my dreams. I accept that now. But I also know that I can do one last ditch effort: rely on the fact that I very much know that I am not my body, just a soul in a body, and that I have the right to discard this mortal body whenever I wish. I'll be able to hold my soulmate for the rest of his mortal days as a ghost, and distance won't be a problem anymore since I won't be temporally locked anymore. I won't suffer failed dreams after I gave it my all and got nothing in return, not even any closer to co-owning that same anime studio with my soulmate and the love of my life. I call him Bby-kun as a nickname irl because I feel safe to be my cringe self around him. His arms are the safest place in the world, they're home to me. And a life without him at my side every morning... I can't see why that's worth living through.

I'm sorry I couldn't be your Simon, big bro. But if we're going with Gainax lineage references... I guess I'm about to be like David Martinez. That's something. I mean hey, extra points for failing to finally be able to save any money to pay for half bills with my soulmate and having "I Really Want To Stay At Your House" hit... WAY too deep for me. Especially since I could tell you so, SO much about the Gainax lineage, from the pre-history as Daicon Film to Gainax from their Wings of Honneamise era to their grand finale with Gurren Lagann all the way up to Studio Trigger, aka Neo Gainax... I looked up to that story of six nobody nerds making anime in their garage with the wrong tools for painting cels in the 80's eventually becoming titans of anime history, and I had the persistence to see it through if only the world were just a little bit kinder on me to provide me with a decent world where I had a chance of success if I just persisted on with my hard work like I was doing... if only, I guess. I'm picking the Worm Moon to do it because the Gurren Lagann movies are finally getting an English Dub after all this time and I wouldn't be caught dead without seeing that. After that, February has my Bby-kun's birthday in it and I want him to be as happy as possible, even from a distance. After that it's March, and picking a full moon to end things on is only poetic, I feel. I mean, you have that "Full Moon = Metaphor for Suicide" Gainax thing going back all the way to Neon Genesis ShitVangelion to current day with Cyberpunk:Edgerunners... At least I didn't pussy out of life before giving it everything I had. Well, whatever now. I'm glad I wrote this somewhere.

Most of my entries will be Chuunibyo until that final day, I might as well go out with style while looking cool and edgy about it, I guess.

To the dreams of those who have fallen and the hopes of those who will follow,

-R.E.P.

[asexualenjolras]

I want to talk about one of my favourite headcanons and I don't have anywhere else to do it, so you can have my ramblings. We all know that Newt Scamander is autistic, but has anyone considered that Theseus might be too? I have.

So, let's talk about autistic Theseus Scamander:

Autism is genetic so it isn't a stretch of the imagination to think that Theseus might also be on the spectrum.

The beautiful thing about the Scamander brothers is that they are both so similar but so different at the same time.

So, his traits:

- Theseus is very, very rigid when it comes to rule-following:

We see this multiple times in the movie franchise. While Newt has a very strong sense of what is right and what is wrong and isn't afraid to go against the 'norm' to do the right thing, Theseus is the complete opposite. He, too, has a strong sense of right and wrong but he finds it very difficult to go against the rules and laws of the Wizarding World.

This was observed in SOD, where he makes a comment about being the 'Head Auror of the Ministry of Magic' when Newt asks him to do something to help the cause (without spoilers).

Theseus knows that what he must do is right and for the good of the Wizarding World but he doesn't overly agree with the way that Newt and Dumbledore go about things (and I bet he's envious of Newt's ability to break the rules so easily).

- Theseus has particular routines and dislikes change:

Another massive trait of autism (for some people) is that they don't like change. Theseus really struggles to adjust to the fact that Leta has gone in SOD, and he really struggles to accept that the Wizarding World is changing. He has a strict routine of going to work as an Auror and then coming home. He clearly struggles with the changes made in SOD where he's got to do other things.

- Theseus doesn't understand social situations and finds it difficult to read emotions and feelings:

We see this in COG when he hugs Newt. Newt is very clearly uncomfortable with the hug and interaction but Theseus doesn't recognise or pick up on this. People have put this down to Theseus being ignorant of Newt's autism, but I feel it's because he struggles to pick up on social cues too.

We also see this in SOD, where he struggles to read what Albus is wanting him to do.

- Impulsivity:

As noted above, Theseus struggles with his emotions. When he is upset, he acts impulsively and doesn't really think about the implications of his actions. A perfect example of this is when Leta is killed. He goes into a whirlwind of anger and upset and lashes out in his own way.

- Theseus struggles with eye contact:

Again, Theseus doesn't struggle in the same way that Newt does - who avoids it as much as he can - but rather the opposite. Theseus uses a little too much at times. We observe this when he is speaking to Newt and Leta. He stares intently at them, which some autistic people do.

It's usually one or the other with people on the Spectrum; too much eye contact or too little. Theseus falls into the former.

- Theseus has a really strong bond with Newt:

Despite their differences, Theseus loves Newt and does everything he can to protect him. He and Newt get on well and communicate with one another in a very unique way. I think this is because they're both on the spectrum. They're siblings, sure, so they're going to argue but the main cause of their disagreements is a lack of understanding about the other's perceptions and opinions.

- *SPOILER FOR SOD* Theseus struggles with his motor skills and co-ordination:

When Newt and Theseus are imitating the movements of the creatures in the German magic prison, Newt comments that Theseus is not doing the correct movements. To which, Theseus states that he is. He doesn't recognise that his movements are wrong because he's focusing solely on the co-ordination.

Autistic people often have issues with their motor abilities, and Dyspraxia is a co-mordible disorder alongside ASD.

I love Theseus Scamander and I love all of his autistic traits. And, as an autistic person that is so, so similar to Newt, it's so nice to have another character to relate to in other ways because I see myself in both of their characteristics.

[snusnu95]

“But you’ve come so far despite X problem” - and my problem with that

After being diagnosed with both ADHD and ASD, I tell people how having a diagnosis of at least one (as having both was not possible before the DSM-5 in 2013) would’ve improved my life dramatically. 

I often hear back: “But look how far you’ve come without a diagnosis! It shows how *insert compliment here* you are”

For some reason; finishing school, having a university degree and holding down a job is something to applaud. Functioning like a normal person is something to be proud of. (I also hear “you don’t LOOK autistic” or some variation, don’t get me started on that!).  

Regardless of whether it is something to be proud of, it doesn’t excuse or change the suffering that I went through to do it. Behind it all was a lifetime of pain, depression, and anxiety. I took five years to finish a three year degree, I struggle with money and saving, and I struggle at my job for having unprofessional behaviour because I’m pushed far too fast or into a corner of overstimulation, and they don’t understand ASD or recognise symptoms. Having a bad day is never an option, because it’s seen as me regressing. 

I spend every waking moment in a world not built for me. Everything is too loud and too overwhelming, and I’m told constantly to “just deal with it” or “get over it”. Masking is exhausting, and GOSH I’d love to live in a world where I can be myself and not be judged for it. 

Having help as a kid would’ve given me techniques to manage my two neurodivergences so that I could’ve built strategies as an adult, and instead I’m 26 trying to piece my life together. At least I’m not 40, but shit it would’ve helped to be picked up at 10.  

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Alex Blake and Spencer Reid in “Through the Looking Glass”

A Defense of Alex Blake from an Autistic Person

Disclaimer(s) before I get into this: Autistic people/people with autism are not a monolith. We are all entitled to our feelings about how people discuss/joke about autism, and some of us will find things hurtful that others do not, and those feelings are entirely valid. The opinion stated below is just my opinion and only speaks to my interpretation.

Also please note that Asperger’s is, in the United States, an outdated diagnosis named after a Nazi. It’s been changed in the DSM to autistic spectrum disorder (ASD/autism), which is how I’ll refer to it in this post. I also don’t use “functioning” labels, but an opinion on this scene will obviously change depending on the severity of a person’s symptoms.

That being said, I’m here to explain why I love Alex Blake, why I don’t think this “joke” was ever a joke at all, and why I actually really love these scenes as an Autistic person.

So, to start, I think that this scene is filmed in a way that leaves it very open to interpretation. I personally find that myself and a few of my autistic friends interpret it a way very different from most allistic (non-autistic) people I’ve talked to.

This scene is, above all, extremely relatable to me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve discussed something just to be unknowingly describing things that apply to me. This exact scenario has happened to me several times, where someone points out as I describe autism that I was describing myself. When I saw this scene for the first time, I laughed. I laughed because I’d been there, and I was watching it happen to someone else. Things always seem more obvious when it’s happening to someone else, ya know?

This scene makes me happy, too. It makes me happy because I can see the love in Alex and Rossi’s faces when they share that moment after it goes over Spencer’s head. A lot of people view it as a mocking smile, but from my perspective I see two people who clearly don’t view autism as a bad thing and are just finding an innocent joy/humor in his obliviousness.

And I think that’s what a lot of this comes down to. For a lot of people (like my allistic boyfriend, for example), implying that someone is autistic is seen as an insult. But I do not feel that way, and I don’t think Alex or Rossi do, either.

In fact, they are two team members that don’t regularly roll their eyes at him or mock Spencer’s autistic tendencies (unlike Emily and JJ, both of whom I love, although they do regularly kind of hurt my feelings, lol). I mean, in this same scene, I don’t see people talking about JJ’s expression, which is clearly (also innocently) screaming “Do you really not hear yourself right now?”

Later in the episode, Alex is once again confronted with Spencer’s relatively obvious autism, and she actually feels bad about the fact that he might’ve understood what she was saying and interpreted her silence as mocking him. But then it’s very obvious that he didn’t realize it, and she’s just kind of overwhelmed with how much she appreciates him for his autistic traits.

It’s not often that obliviousness to social cues or a blunt, non-sarcastic personality is depicted as something admirable, but that’s exactly what Alex does. She tells Reid that his personality is why she loves him, and that she basically thinks that there is nothing wrong with who he is. She does all of this without ever denouncing his autism or speaking in spite of it.

And I think we also have to acknowledge that Spencer specifically said that he doesn’t take offense to the fact she insinuated he is autistic (and doesn’t deny that he is, either). He outright says that he doesn’t take offense to that idea, and I’m guessing it’s because (1) he also doesn’t view it as a flaw and (2) he knows Alex respects him.

We talk about the rest of the team as being close to Spencer because we see it on screen, but Alex and him knew each other before she arrived at the BAU. Their relationship went further back and in more detail than we saw. To her, he is an intellectual peer and a son figure.

So, yeah. Idunno. I think part of why some people interpret this scene as a bad thing is because we view autism as a problem/flaw. But there are autistic people who exist that don’t feel that way. I love who I am, and that includes my autism. Of course, it comes with its own struggles, but I’m forever grateful for a character like Alex who doesn’t take it too seriously. Someone who clearly loves an autistic person for who they are and doesn’t try to change him.

That’s my defense of Alex Blake. You don’t have to agree (obviously, lol), and if you were harmed by her lines as an autistic person, I deeply sympathize with you. We all feel different things about ourselves, and they should all be respected ❤️

And to all the allistic people who made it this far, thank you for listening! I hope this gives you a different perspective of how deeply anti-autistic narratives and beliefs can bleed into how we write, perform, and interpret autistic characters and storylines.

[hypmicyume]

Just Some Random Ramblings

I’ll start off with, I love Hypmic, I really do! I have been a fan since the very beginning when it was first introduced, I am an OG fan. Now, the premis drew me in. I won’t lie, at first glance I thought, “Rap boys, that sounds ridiculous!” And keep in mind, I do not like the idol anime series generally (nothing against those who do of course), or music based anime, USUALLY. I am following The Last Metal now and holy shit I love it. 

But! I looked into Hypmic more, I heard the music, I read the story as it went and it became my special interest AND my hyperfixation. That’s a problem when you’re poor like me, I struggle to keep up with buying all the different manga. But moving on back to my point! I love Hypmic, I will always love it. No matter how the story progresses, I will be through to the end. THAT BEING SAID. Over time (and again I am an OG fan here) I have become more and more disappointed with the sloppy story telling. It’s not the worst by far don’t get me wrong! But as a bit of a writer, an extremely imaginative person, and a person who thinks of possibilities of how I think things could have been or could be, well... It’s lacking. My standards are likely too high, that is my bad LMAO!

I don’t make texts posts often here (that will be changing!) and I have written some silly fics (two so far, I need to finish the Zoolander Hypmic one heheh), but mostly I am known for shitposts, which I love. I am a shit poster of Hypmic edits and memes and it fuels me. Also some art! I am working on a full set of Hypmic emotes. You may have seen Ramuda and Doppo already! But Rosho and Hifumi are coming next (by request)! Anyway, right, where was I...

RIGHT. Story. So, love Hypmic, story is slippin’ in my opinion but I am still here for it. More text posts to come with views on things and ramblings. Asks are always open! I am very knowledgeable on Hypmic (ASD special interests be something else). I am also still open to requests, just see the pinned post for more info. Uhh OC stuff coming at some point, I have had them for years now but have not spoke of them, that should change (I have 6 divisions total, some Chuuoku ladies as well, made the first 3 divs first year into Hypmic followed by the other 3 in the second year of Hypmic before the Plus Divs came to be). Uhh yep more art and more fics (hopefully) also to come!

If you made it this far, thanks for reading my late night ramblings, night!

[softgaycontent]

Autistic Amity Analysis:

(Spoilers up to S2E2 Escaping Expulsion)

CW for: referenced child abuse, ableism

Good post here as well on Amity being Autistic. I may touch on some of the same points because the source material is the same.

Alador

Amity's father, Alador, is fairly overtly autistic. It runs in families.

Justifications real quick because he doesn't mask like Amity so it is easier to point to clear signs:

Fairly non-expressive, holding the same half-lidded expression that Amity does as default

Extremely interested in animals/creatures, to the point of being distracted by them in the middle of conversations

Unbrushed Hair / lack of attention to or care for grooming, even at important functions or for family portraits

Very intelligent / creative / technical (a successful inventor)

His body language and the way he holds his hands over one-another after Odalia crushes the bug-thing

Unsure if this is Odalia knowing her husband well or her being very rude (probably both), but she is constantly doing things like bringing him back on track or gently moving him away as they're leaving the school. He does look kind of annoyed when she reaches inside his coat for their business card though.

NOTE: I think if Odalia had any real influence over Alador at all, she would have at least made him tidy up for the family portrait (he has unbrushed hair, goggles, and abomination goop on him). She either truly respects him for who he is or can't make him do anything.

Abuse

Odalia seems genuinely fond of her husband. She sees him as her equal, and expects others to respect him as well (introducing him as the greatest inventor in the Isles). Unfortunately Amity, as her child, is not given the same room to be herself. She is expected to have all the strengths as her parents, with none of the "weaknesses".

It would not be surprising if Alador struggled growing up autistic and truly believes that teaching Amity to cover it up is better for her. It's unclear how much of her overall abuse is perpetrated by each of her parents, but Alador does seem to be an active (not just passive) participant at least some of the time.

In Lost in Language, the twins justify being cruel to Amity because "she's got to learn", and that as "her family" they are responsible for showing her "tough love". This is clearly something they picked up from growing up in an abusive household, but it may be something they particularly believe about Amity, their weird little sister who doesn't act quite like the other kids, and gets upset too easily.

Amity's necklace may have started as a way for Odalia to remind Amity in public places to make eye contact with people, to stop stimming, or otherwise mask. She has worn it since at least whatever age she is in the flashbacks of Understanding Willow (6-10?).

Special Interest

Amity and Luz both really love the Azura books. Luz is canonically neurodivergent with ADHD, which has some overlaps with ASD.

One of Amity's main forms of expressing herself seems to be in relation to the books. She draws herself as or with the characters often, befriends Luz more easily because of their shared enjoyment of the series, and tries to replicate a scene from tGWA in real life (Thorn Vault).

Emotions

Amity is fairly stoic. She is not super expressive most of the time, and her eyes are often held in the same half-open way her fathers are. Exceptions being when she is very angry or (more rarely) comfortably happy that her eyes open fully and more of her face changes.

Amity taps her hands against her knees when she is excited in Wing it Like Witches, and really tends use her hands to express herself a lot.

Her siblings make fun of her for getting so mad that her whole face goes red, which seems like the sort of reaction you might have if you were taught not to stomp out your anger like you want to, and hold it in instead.

Justice

One symptom of ASD is feeling very passionate about what is fair and what isn't.

Amity is shown consistently to get very angry over fairness. First, when Luz and Willow cheat by pretending that Luz is an abomination (taking Amity's badge), then again when Eda and Lilith cheat in Covention, and finally at the fact that her siblings never get in trouble despite their frequent troublemaking.

This is the thing that drives her to anger more than anything.

She seems visibly mad at her mom while her friends are being expelled in Escaping Expulsion up until Odalia reminds her that she didn't uphold her end of the deal (re: the expo) at which point Amity gives in and looks defeated instead. Seemingly, she accepts that this was her fault and there's nothing she can do.

Comfort

Amity seeks comfort in dark, quiet places. Her favorite place to spend time is a secret little room in the library. In Covention, Amity finds a dark corner to sit in to calm down.

(Arguably the fort that she and Willow built in the flashbacks of Understanding Willow was away from the other campers and out of the sun as well.)

Touch

Amity seems to like being touched (by Luz and Willow) clearly friendly ways, and strongly dislikes being touched at all other times.

Amity's siblings mostly seem to touch her in ways that annoy her in Adventures in the Elements. First on purpose, squishing her in a lean between them both, then possibly on accident, as Edric copies the hair ruffle Eda had just done to Luz. Amity seems to visibly dislike the feeling, and the fact that it messed up her hair.

She also really hates it when Hooty touches her; although most characters acknowledge him as annoying, she really loses it when he touches her again.

When Luz hugs her in Understanding Willow, Amity does not reciprocate, even though she seems to enjoy the gesture. She also reacts noticeably to the fact that Luz is still holding her hand after they arrive back in the owl house.

She seemed to enjoy keeping a close proximity to Willow when they were kids.

Misc

Amity takes Luz literally when she says, "I'm picking up what you're putting down."

Hair

OK this one is purely a bonus headcanon about Amity's undercut. :)

Amity's hair is shown to be rather thick in her concept art, and Emira also seems to have very thick hair, so the reason it is not big and poofy in canon is probably due entirely to her undercut.

A lot of autistic kids have sensory issues around having their hair brushed, which only get worse with large, thick hair which tangles easily.

I like to think that Odalia had a lot of trouble brushing Amity's hair and putting it up into a neat style every day. much less teaching her to do it for herself. Eventually, she gave up and took Amity to get her hair cut, eliminating a lot of the thickness with the undercut, and providing Amity with a hairstyle she could easily manage herself.

Amity loved it, and also really likes running her hands over the short parts when she is by herself.

(While Odalia is too harsh about the way Amity behaves and looks, she will usually actually meet her half-way on sensory accommodations, like comfortable sheets)