#my metal friends wont listen to them either ugh

[roboraptor]

ERRA is a band that i will probably adore until the end of time like they literally haven't released a bad song, but from what i can tell all the fans fucking suck. so i can't like... talk about them with anyone lol.

[msmarvelwrites]

The Winter Ghost - Part 7

Info: A Devastating car crash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn’t and because of that, everything you knew was about to change.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: swearing, angst (i think thats it)

W/c: 2k ish

A/n: I’m really sorry... But thank you to @cutie1365​ for all her help! Girls a rock start honestly. Go give A Kid From Queens a read. Seriously, you wont regret it! 

The early morning sun streamed through the windows, burning at the corner of your eyes. A groan escaped your throat as you shifted out of its glaring view. Your head ached with the memory of another nightmare. 

        You picked up your phone on the nightstand and typed in your password. Absentmindedly you scrolled through your messages with Bucky. 

You: Hey.                                                                              4:15  pm   (read)

You: Wanna watch a movie later?                                      8:25 pm   (read)

You: Hey, u still up?                                                           12:45 am   (read) 

The next week was a complete blur. You would have loved to relive the blissful moment you had shared with Bucky, but the night after, he disappeared. You knew he hadn’t left on a mission as the rest of the team would recall seeing him around. You felt foolish looking for a man who so obviously didn't want to see you. Or maybe he was just busy, you would try to reassure yourself. But as the days drawled on, you found it hard to keep convincing yourself of that. Maybe you had come on too strong? Maybe he didn't feel the same way and you completely read the situation wrong? I mean, you practically threw yourself at him, right? God, you felt stupid. And what was worse, the nightmares only got worse in Bucky’s absence. Almost every night he would lay by your side, petting your hair and reassuring you. You didn't really realize the effect he had on you until it stopped.

          A few nights later, Steve, T’Challa and Bucky were to leave on a mission to interrogate Zemo. Steve explained he was apprehended about a year ago and was held up in a maximum security prison. You didn't ask where, worried if you knew you might use your newfound ‘gifts’ to tear him a new asshole.

        The night before they left there was a soft knock on your door. You looked up curiously, hoping for just a split second that maybe it was him… You crossed the room slowly and creaked the door open.  As the hallway light poured into your dimly lit bedroom you saw Bucky’s disheveled form. He looked like hell. You didn't think he would have already been sleeping, not that you minded an impromptu visit from your favourite Super Soldier, but his worried eyes concerned you. 

           “Can we talk a sec?” He asked, his voice confirming he was indeed in crisis. You nodded slightly and let him in. He walked towards your bed, instantly taking a seat and waiting for you to join. He really looked terrible. You could tell he was a wreck. Good, you thought. The man had literally kept you up for nights worrying, wondering if you were the cause of his sudden cold shoulder. 

         “I think that's a good idea.” You spoke sternly, surprised with how calm your voice came out. To be fair, you had practiced this conversation in the mirror a few times. As long and Bucky stuck to the script, you'd be fine.  

          He smirked slightly, tapping the space beside him. As you got closer, you realised what bad shape the guy was really in. Dark circles blossomed under his once blue eyes, now dark and stormy and bloodshot. His usual scruff was now almost a beard and looked unkempt and overgrown. 

           “Listen, doll. There's somethin’ I've been meaning to say… I was just tryin’ to find the right words but then, last week, you kissed me and-” You didn't let him finish before interrupting. 

            “You kissed me?” Your words were harsh and you could tell they hurt Bucky. Maybe ease up a little, you thought as you took a deep breath. In all your time practicing what you were going to say to Bucky, him looking like a complete and utter wreck was never part of the picture.

         “What? Course’ I did. But that's not what I came to talk to you about.” He sighed, taking another long inhale and holding it a few seconds, before drawing it out slowly. “Y/n, I need you to understand, the person I am now, I wasn't always this way. I was broken and put back together so many times I had forgotten who I was.” He started. Bucky had told you about his past with Hydra before. Many nights you stayed up listening to him recall the few memories he had from his time. It made you somewhat thankful that yours hadn’t come back quite yet. 

          “I know, Buck. It’s okay.” Your voice droned out softly as you reached a reassuring hand and placed it on top of his metal one. He flinched away, resting them in his lap. You felt your heart pang with sadness at his actions. 

        “It's not okay, Y/n. It’s never been okay. I’m broken and you're just starting this new chapter…  Dammit - I don't even know how to…” He rubbed his face in frustration, all the while avoiding your worried stare. 

          “You know you can talk to me, Buck. About anything.” He spoke quietly, careful not to set him off. He nodded his head from behind his hands and finally removed them, placing them back down in his lap. 

         “I don't wanna’ screw this up, Y/n. Whatever this is. You’ve been such a good friend to me and…” He began again but his words melted away into the background. Friend. Such a good friend. Oh God, he was letting you down. You should have seen this coming but with Bucky, it felt different. You’d never been kissed like that. You didn't ask for any of this to happen. I mean, you had enough on your plate right now as it was. Why didn't he stop you? God, he could have stopped all of this. Instead of ignoring you all week and making you feel like a crazy person. Maybe you were. 

        “Why have you been avoiding me?” You interjected, not sure what part of his explanation he had even gotten to. He paused, looking at you with sympathy. He pities you, you thought, feeling your gut sink and tears well in your eyes. 

        “Look, Y/n… I got carried away with you that night. I should have stopped, I should have done a lot of things. I thought something terrible had happened to you and I just… I’m so sorry, doll. For everything.” His eyes burned into you, but you couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze. You were so embarassed. God, you must look so stupid right now. Slowly, you took a breath and looked up at him. He looked you over, trying to gauge your current state. 

        “Ya- no, I get it. My fault, honestly. I read the situation wrong. Sorry.” You croaked out, forcing yourself to look at him in his mind melting eyes. Fuck, he was beautiful. Even completely sleep deprived the man could easily be the most attractive person you’d never seen. What an asshole. 

       “I just think it would be best, for both of us if we stayed friends.” He half heartedly smiled at you, watching as you nodded slowly. 

         “I think you should go, Bucky.” You whispered over a sob that forced its way out of your throat. Don't you dare cry in front of him. Don't you dare let him know he broke you. You shouted to yourself. 

“Doll-”

        “Don't- just… I’m fine. Really, I’m fine. Just, please leave now.” His head hung as he let out a defeated breath. Slowly he stood, crossing the room, but pausing when he got to the door. 

        “I leave on a mission tomorrow morning. It’s just recon, but I don't know when I’ll be back. Just take care of yourself, Y/n.”

          “I think I’ll be fine, Sargeant. Thanks.” You scoffed. And with that, the door shut, and you were left alone again. 

                Next morning came on quickly. You had spent most of the night staring at the ceiling and over thinking everything Bucky had just said. At least he was honest with you. You thought. After a week of ignoring you…

        Finally you pulled your ass out of bed. You hadn’t slept a blink all night, but there was no use trying now. You shuffled across your room and into the bathroom. 

        “Ugh,” You signed, looking at your messy hair and dark circles under your eyes. I think the only thing to really bring you back from the dead now was an I.V drop filled with coffee. 

        After throwing your hair up into a messy bun and blending out your under eye bags with concealer, you headed downstairs. The compound was strangely quiet. Granted Steve, Bucky and T’Challa had all left by now. It felt strange to not see them hovering around the kitchen. Instead, Natasha and Wanda sat on either side of the island chatting quietly until you walked it. Wanda’s head snapped up, alerting Natasha of your presence.

         “Morning, Y/n.” Wanda smiled warmly at you. 

          “Hi.” You mumbled, ransacking the kitchen for something to tide you over. You honestly couldn't remember the last time you had really eaten something. When you finally found the hidden box of fruit loops at the back of the pantry. These were you and Wanda's contraband and needing an appropriate hiding spot as such.

          “You know what would pair beautifully with those?” Nat asked, lifting her mug and pointing it towards the full coffee pot on the counter. You paused for a moment, finally letting the rich smell of the brewing beans envelope your senses. 

          “You didn't…?” You gasped, momentarily feeling a little better. 

          “You're right. I didn't. Bucky went out to the market early this morning and picked up a bag of real coffee beans for you.” She smiled knowingly at you.

           You huffed, suddenly a little less excited. It was pity coffee. Natasha looked you up and down trying to get a read on your mood. She carefully poured you a full mug of deliciousness, passing it to you. As you lifted it to your lips your mouth watered, feeling all your problems melt away. The first sip reaffirmed that sentiment. 

      “Fuck, thats good.” You moaned, swallowing the substance slowly. Wanda giggled at your reaction while Nat rolled her eyes. 

       “So, what's the plan for today?” You asked over a mouth full of cereal. 

       “Nothing crazy, Wanda and I are going to go train for a bit, if you wanna’ join in?” Nat offered. Working out with the former assassin and super witch didn’t really strike you as a relaxing day, but you figured it would be a good way to get your mind off Bucky. 

       “Yeah, that sounds good. Maybe we can have a girls night tonight? I could really use it.” You shrugged casually, trying not to meet Nat’s suspicious gaze.

        “Ugh, yes please! Three against one, Shuri will have to watch a sappy eighties rom-com with us!” Wanda exclaimed, setting her cereal bowl in the sink and giggling her melodic laugh. 

        “We can do girls night, plus one boy. I think Sam's landing in Wakanda tonight. He’s been on a recon mission for the last month and a half, and knowing him, ittl’ more than likely be four against Shuri.” Nay laughed, poking Wanda in the shoulder and reminding her of the return of their friend. 

        “Oh right! Y/n, you’re going to love Sam.” Wanda exclaimed. You smiled dryly, trying and failing to look as excited as your friend. After the overwhelming week, all you wanted was to drink your weight in tequila and forget Bucky existed. Maybe a change in faces was just what you needed, however. 

         “Can’t wait.” You forced an enthused smile as you followed Nat and Wanda to the Gym. 

           You had at least a week before Bucky and the guys returned. Surely that was enough time to mend your bruised ego and move on. Though, something sinking deep inside of you felt otherwise. 

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A/n: It’s the ruining a perfectly good fluffy moment between y/n and Bucky for me. I’m so sorry. I cant tell you it gets better, but it does get juicy! 

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@kalesrebellion​ 

@projectcampbell​