#the UNDERSTANDING in having made terrible choices
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Oh look! Another occasion to babbles about the mechs!
The story Out is terrible for me hard to read (hate sad ending) but soooo interesting. So here's three thoughts (aka fanfiction ideas) I have about it!
First one: How Aurora works. Not like... how mechanically she works or how a moon/ship can have blood and teeth. But in a way of: how did she "transitionned" (I don't have a better word in my vocabulary) from organic moon to metallic ship.
How does it feel? How do your conscious work? Is opening a door, changing the temperature, activating reactors, the same thing as flexing a finger for us?
My idea is Aurora could be compared as a mecha, but she had fused with it. The mecha became part of her body in a way. She has her own conscious, she can control everything aboard, but not in a God way. More like she was sitting in a room surrounded by screen, computers, buttons and switches. Metaphorically of course.
Over the centuries, she became really good at keeping an eye at all the screens. At managing all the buttons and switches. At making quick researchs on the computers.
But she's still one concious forced to fuse with a machine she is foreign to. She can't focus on all the screens at once, she can't activates all buttons and switches, and she can’t make infinite researches at the same time.
So. It means that on the outside, Aurora is not organic. She's a machine. A machine that can be fixed, repaired, changed, and put new programs in.
But it also means that fundamentally, she is organic. She is messy like the beings Nastya doesn't like (cf gender rebels). She can break up with her. She can choose to go save a mortal if she wants to. She is still the little moon Carmilla raised.
Nastya's ability to consider relationship with machines to the same level of telationship with organic beings is a true blessing for her. Because she is stuck in this weird inbetween of considering herself like an organic beings, but being seen as a machine by everyone around her. The mechs included. Except Nastya, who doesn't care if she is a machine: she loves Aurora.
That brought us to the second thought: Nastya actually cares. Deeply. Too much.
Like we know, Nastya finds organic beings messy and unpredictable. And like OP said, Nastya grew up in a world where machines is more familiar than anything else for her.
I think for a long time, Nastya pretended that Aurora is purely a machine. She talks about improving her ai, she calls her "the aurora, our starship", and never corrects anyone on that fact.
She lashes on her because Aurora was familiar, safe, and honestly between murderous Jonny, vampire Carmilla, and starship Aurora, she was the most capable of understanding toward Nastya.
But Aurora wasn't cyberian. In fact, cyberians were her abusers. So, even if she loves Nastya dearly and will never totally go back to her moon-self, it's understandable that she tries to get back what had been stripped off her. Her autonomy, her independance, her sense of self. First by acting like organic being with Nastya (cf break up), then my making choices by herself (saving Briar Rose) and finally by replacing cyberian on her.
And Nastya cares. She cares about that cyberian part. Way more than Aurora anticipated. Because for Nastya, that was the start of her relationship with Aurora. That was what made her safe, familiar, and understanding. That was what made her home for Nastya.
So, when there was only a line of cyberian numbers left... Nastya went out. Because Aurora wasn't familiar anymore.
And this is my final point: Nastya's problem has nothing to do with Aurora. Aurora is just a symptom.
Nastya deeply fear challenges and changements.
Think about it. She grew up in a false utopy, then violently murdered by someone she trusted, and brought back to life by a vampire scientist and her weird violent son. That's a lot of changes. Too much for a young reclused princess.
This is the root of Nastya's traumas. In an instant, all she knew was destroyed. And all because of messy and organic beings. All was good, until at the first problem everything comes crashing down forever.
I doubt she talked about it to anyone. Jonny seems genuinely surprised by her departure, having no idea she felt this bad to the point of not coming back forever.
Aurora was just the last straw. The last rampart between Nastya and the problems she ran away all of her immortal life. Aurora was the last illusion of something which is safe and will never ever change no matter what. Something which she could hold on to without fearing treason.
So, when Aurora did the only thing that Nastya fears - changing - she snaps. A lot of things could have brought up her trauma in a way she couldn't had been able to ignore. But the fact that it was the love of her life who made her snap pushed her to do something irrational.
Not in the panic. I mean, she saw Aurora changed over the milleniums. And Aurora seems more surprised like it was new than angry to have the same argument again.
Nastya had ruminated alone her traumas, mistrust, and fear of challenges, changes, and organic beings so much that she went Out.
Not because of Aurora, but because Nastya had never been fine in the first place.
It's no wonder Out happened when you really think about it. Nastya doesn't like organic life because it's complicated, it can break, sometimes it's even unfixable.
quote from gender rebels
Nastya is in love with Aurora, and in saying that she is saying "you are not organic life, I can deal with you because you are metal and algorithm and predictable" - we can see this in bedtime story when she says she'll tweak Aurora's story creation algorithm
screenshot from A Bedtime Story
Aurora is not inorganic. She is not ai. She is a space moon made of flesh and blood and teeth and bone. She is not an ai. She is a body that was taken and stripped of autonomy, of the right to self identify, of the right to think- to be imperfect and organic.
The metal is a veneer that hides how messy and traumatized and unfixable she is. From the outside she is a starship. From the inside she can still bleed.
And this makes them fundamentally incompatible. But yet, they are in love.
And really, it's no wonder Nastya fell in love with Aurora. Let's take a look at Nastya's home planet, or at least home society:
"Terminals were scattered across the planet. There was one on every street corner, one beneath every lamppost and one in every commune block." "The midwife-machine performs a series of programmed manœuvres to quieten [the baby]. It cradles it and hums at several pitches until it finds one that seems most soothing. Mechanical arms stroke the baby’s flesh even as others start the process of implanting augmented reality interfaces into its nervous system." "The Czar an atrophied frame, never present in the real world and worn to dust by the chemical compounds that kept his brain alive so it could live forever in a perfect virtual paradise. The Rabotnik a copy, a mind preserved unchanging in the instant before its death and placed in an everlasting metal frame." (Cyberian Demons)
Its safe to say the world Nastya was born into, from the very minute she was born, was ridden with technology. She has augmented reality interfaces inplanted into her from birth. It would stand to reason that being taken from this society, wherein technology is everywhere, inside and out, would stand for a bit of a shock.
Aurora too had been augmented by the Cyberia.
While it is stated that the last time Nastya had used the ports themselves was directly before her death — "The last time she had used the ports, her tutor had ripped them out of her as the rebels stormed the palace" — Aurora is laced with Cyberian technology. I'd imagine she has something of a 'bluetooth wireless connection' with Aurora, rather than the physical data transfer of files between the ports and Nastya, it may as well be similar enough.
Imagine being Nastya, going from Cyberia, wherein there is augmented reality contantly, transplanted onto a ship with metal blood, a jonny, and a vampire. To Aurora, where the only bits of augmented reality run through Aurora.
Of course she'd fall in love with her. Aurora is familiarity. Aurora isn't organic. Aurora isn't human.
And of course when the undeniable part of aurora that is organic, that is a flesh moon plated in metal with her brain hooked to machines, when so much has broken and been replaced, when, presumably, aurora is less of an algorithm, nastya leaves with the brand cyberia left on her.
Because Aurora healing, becoming more of herself and less of a starship, is messy, and organic, and human.
and hard for nastya.
‘Think how long she’s been flying you around. Think how many bullet holes you’ve punched through her and how many atmospheres you’ve dropped her through. Think how many alterations and improvements we’ve made, Tim to her guns and Ashes to her storage and Brian to her engines and the Toy Soldier to who knows what. How much do you think is left of her after all she’s brought you through?’ Nastya held up the ancient, battered piece of hull plating. Just visible under the grime and scars of particles of space junk was a fragment of the Aurora’s original logo and serial number. Jonny honestly couldn’t remember the last time he had seen a version that hadn’t been painted by the Mechanisms themselves. ‘So she’s free, now.’ Nastya gestured around at the spaceship they were standing in. ‘This Aurora can take you where you want to go. I’m going to take my Aurora somewhere else.’
Aurora was ship of theseus'd. Aurora was improved. Aurora was no longer cyberian. (both literally, and metaphorically)
So nastya left.
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They just don't get it. They intentionally don't want to get it. It's bizarre. The Max thing was spot on and I never thought of that before!
Q. I'm going to ask this with good intentions so hopefully you respond with equally good intentions. I don't understand how you all can honestly say they didn't have any buildup because I'm sorry they did. And they ended episode 5 in a truly good and sweet place so breaking them up in the very next episode was indeed a weird and out of nowhere choice. And I understand you're all excited, odd way to truly show love for Buck but that's not my business I guess. But Ryan pretty clearly shut down the Buddie stuff in his interviews So I don't know why you're so convinced.
A. Anon, I always attempt to answer asks with good intentions. But it's difficult not to sound perplexed when answering asks you know the sender doesn't actually believe themselves. They had absolutely no build up. You all keep throwing that word around and not a single one of you have offered any kind of example as to the build up you're talking about. The man was barely ever on screen. Buck barely ever spoke about him when he wasn't on screen. Build up is impossible if neither one of those things are occurring.
They met. They had a misunderstanding of a first kiss. They had a terrible first date that ended with Buck standing alone on a curb. Buck had a lovely conversation with Maddie about said terrible date, but that was an accident. He went to her because he was upset about lying to Eddie. Maddie even told Buck he wasn't sure of his own feelings ( I admit that personally I always leaned more into Maddie was probably talking about Buck not being sure of his attraction to a man in the first place, but Maddie has had Buck's underlying Eddie thing pegged since her arrival and his first kiss with Tommy was entirely muddled by his obvious misplaced confusion regarding Eddie so it's even more likely Eddie is who she was talking about). She then told Buck if he decided he had something to tell Eddie then he would. The entire conversation was Eddie based. Tommy made a brief appearance at the bachelor party, didn't bother dressing for the occasion, looked bored, yawned and then went to fight a fire. He and Buck didn't have a single conversation. He showed up at the hospital wedding, had a second kiss so Buck could have a mass coming out (the point of that scene was to ensure that Eddie was the only one who Buck personally came out too. Eddie was the only one he wanted the actual conversation with. That was the point of the hospital scene). Buck and Tommy have a weird date in the season finale where Tommy briefly mentions issues with his father after Buck tries to initiate a conversation about Bobby. Then he made a daddy sex joke. He had one scene in the premier with Buck and Eddie and spoke two lines. 'That sounds like Gerard ' and 'you're a vision in a cone'. We don't see him again until 8x5. He briefly shows up at the hospital and joins with Eddie in mocking Buck for his belief in curses. We see him at the loft with Buck where he brings him an ice pack and ibuprofen (which Buck is likely allergic too) and then tells Buck to turn off his laptop and go to bed while Buck is trying to talk about the Billy Boils stuff he's looked up. We see him sitting at the table the next day while Eddie, who Tommy called btw, is tending to Buck's face. We see him at the hospital with the team being the only one who doesn't receive the group text about Denny, making it noticeable that Tommy is an outsider (the entire point of him being in that scene). Then we see him at the graveyard with Buck but he's in the background and blurry. It is a clear contrast to the Buck and Eddie graveyard scene from season 6 where Eddie is standing beside Buck at the gravestone. Both scenes were written by the same person so it was a clear, intentional parallel. In episode 6 we see their anniversary date. Tommy gave Buck basketball tickets, the audience knows Buck doesn't like basketball (everyone knew it was over in that moment). Buck learns that Tommy used to date Abby. Tommy tells him that Abby went nuts after he broke up with her and took up with some 'himbo' half her age. The audience knows he's talking about Buck. Buck goes to Maddie and then Josh with his concern. Josh gives a speech that is so blatantly about Eddie it's laughable, I'm ignoring the glee part because gross. Tommy shows up for a date. Buck does what Buck always does when he's unsure of his true feelings and tries to double down on the relationship. He asks Tommy to move in with him. Tommy tells him that he can't do that because he knows how their relationship ends. He tells Buck that he's his first not his last. Buck makes a point of saying some people can be both. The show makes a point of having Tommy say yes but not usually. It was intentional to force that dialogue exchange into that scene because although Eddie won't be Buck's first he will be his last. Buck will be Eddie's first AND his last. Making Buck the exception to the rule Tommy is telling him about. Even their breakup was used to foreshadow Buck and Eddie.
This was their entire canon relationship. Where is a single scene of build up? Where is a single scene of great potential? There isn't one. Because all this relationship ever was was Buck's bisexual realization. The show used it to finally make Buck aware of his attraction to men. The rest of the relationship was used to juxtapose the contrasts between Eddie and Tommy. The show purposely made them surface level similar so they could highlight their differences as far as Buck goes. Tommy was a plot point for Buck's storyline. And a subplot leading into the Buck and Eddie storyline. He was never a character in his own right. He never had agency. He was never anything other than a plot point for Buck. Everything you all are screaming about are Cameos you paid for and headcanons you invented. It was a relationship built entirely in your minds and through Lou's grifting of you. That's not our fault. That's not the show's fault. And it's definitely not Oliver's fault. It's your fault. And it is Lou's fault. You're entirely to blame for your pain.
I'm only going to add one thing regarding the interviews because I think we've all explained the interview things at nauseam at this point. But I will say this. Every interview Ryan does with Max comes off as weird. Every single one. Ryan always overcompensates in Max interviews because I think he goes into them automatically on the defensive. Max has openly talked about is dislike of Ryan and it's clear that Ryan is not comfortable during those interviews and it comes across in his responses. Everything sounds defensive in those interviews. I ignore those interviews entirely. The show really should stop forcing Ryan to talk to him, at least in my opinion. Anyway anon, you already knew all of this but I condensed it nicely for you. Enjoy!
Thanks Nonny! Much appreciated!
I don't understand how people can see buildup in a relationship that only got 41 minutes in total over a couple of episodes in season 7 and 8. All their scenes were awkward and devoid of any chemistry. In season 8 there wasn't even any physical contact anymore, besides a kiss on the cheek. That isn't buildup. That is plot device.
As for Max Gao? Yeah, ever since Max wanted to get an interview with Ryan a few years back and it didn't work out, he's been really obvious in his dislike for Ryan. It must be an uncomfortable situation for Ryan.
All of the other interviews? Just forget about them for a while. Read them, but take them with a big bag of salt and forget them. Focus on the show and the story they seem to be telling us. Follow the clues in the narrative. Don't listen too much to showrunners and actors. They will deflect if they feel someone might get too close to the truth.
We've had so many examples in the past of 911 actors talking about things that didn't turn out to be true. This is following the same pattern in my opinion.
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Arcane Season 2 spoilers kinda
Hot take - I've seen a couple people talking about how they don't feel bad for Piltover or can't feel bad for Caitlyn for what's happening in season 2 because they're is privileged. And like I totally get their point. The undercity has been screwed over time after time and Piltover is deliberately oppressing them. But like also I find it interesting how that take is also playing into the themes of the show. Caitlyn is very privileged, that is something made very clear in season 1 and the whole point was her seeing how privileged she was. Just because she has privileged struggles doesn't mean they're not also struggles? Like do yall get my gist. People are comparing how Zaun doesn't have a choice, but Caitlyn and Piltover do. How Jinx is more excusable than Caitlyn. And likeeeee that's not the point of the show? I mean that comparing who is more in the right for terrible actions isn't the point not the privileged and choice part. I feel like people's ability to lack empathy for Piltover getting attacks and Caitlyn's grief is very clearly portraying Caitlyn's whole "It's so easy to hate all of them because of one person," schtick. Piltover's government is clearly in the wrong in this situation, they made Zaun the way it is. Also I'm not excusing Caitlyn's actions, she's my favorite character, but that doesn't mean the things she does are right. That's not what I'm saying at all. But I feel like lacking all empathy for Piltover is just wrong. I get that they're privileged but most of Piltover's citizens are equivalent to modern middle class. And yeah we spend most of our time with the highest class in Piltover, but it's really interesting. I understand why people dont feel bad for whats happening to Piltover and they genuinely need a complete destruction and reconstruction of their government system, but like also... don't lack empathy for them? People are still people and yes many corrupt people are getting their comeuppance, but don't forget the regular people there too. Idk maybe that's a hot take
Arcane is like so good that even irl, the things people think are able to bolster the themes of the show itself.
#arcane s2#arcane season 2#arcane#league of legends caitlyn#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn arcane#jinx#arcane piltover#arcane zaun#piltover and zaun#undercity
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ok it is important to me that the ship name i use is emetexarch. because it's a romance between emet selch and the exarch, not hades and graha tia. they're two exhausted, old, isolated men, and it is the weight of their titles that draws them together
#the UNDERSTANDING in having made terrible choices#(and the disgust at each others choices at the same time)#anyway i always have brainworms for these two#(and a healthy dose of aymeric/ graha tia on the side but that one's a bit less dramatic)#somebody shut me up
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fav chuuya trivia: he’s a lightweight and a wine collector. combine it with the fact that poisons a weakness for him, ability wise, and too much alcohol is in fact poison. he chooses that often.
bonus: combine that with the fact that dazai’s coming of age came with going to a bar, and i don’t know what that means
anon cause shy
Untitled I. My dear, even though you treat me kindly, I'm stubborn. After we parted last night, I went drinking and berated some weakling. This morning, Waking up, I remember your kindness And sadly reflect on my vile behavior. And now, I, a total fraud, will here confess that, without shame, Stripped of all dignity, and therefore lacking honesty— I was urged on by my own illusions, raving mad. [...] III. In this world we sadly live in like this, your heart— Don't let it grow stubborn my dear Because I hope for intimacy with you Your heart— don't let it grow stubborn my dear.
[Excerpted from Poems of the Goat, written by Chuuya Nakahara, translated by Ry Beville]
#bsd chuuya#chuuya nakahara#bungo stray dogs#japanese poetry#thank you for sharing!!#no need to explain anon to me#you are entitled to your mysteries and boundaries and bashfulness#i have anon on because i feel comfy and fine with people engaging however feels most comfortable to them#also i'm going to avoid commenting on what y'all share because i'm already sharing in return by offering up chuuya poetry that strikes me#and because i don't want anyone to think that a lack of a more specific response isn't because i didn't go !!!!! at what they shared#(this exercise is designed so I can also work throughout the day while getting chuuya enrichment)#BUT#alcohol IS poison and that's something I've thought about a lot in my framing of it for myself and generally#but I've never connected it with chuuya's vulnerability to poison and how it is such an equalizer#and how when shirase wanted to ground him and render him someone shirase felt he could face both honestly and to fight he poisoned him#i wonder if alcohol makes chuuya feel a teeny bit more visceral and real and like a person in a body#rather than an experiment or a leader or an act of violence or the salve to someone's loneliness or the vessel of a storm#or someone who wants terribly to lead and protect but is so unsure of himself because of how much he understands the gravity of that role#which isn't to say i think he doesn't want to be a leader and doesn't want to be an act of violence or a salve or a liberated ex-experiment#all of these things and the choices he's made for and because of and despite these things are inextricable from who he is#but every so often#it's nice just to be flesh and electricity
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oh, yeah, another thing i noticed that was odd about s5 in comparison to earlier seasons was how much they relied on like. not the history of the doctor, exactly, but the image of that history. whether from little easter eggs of the first doctor’s picture popping up everywhere to i think the two(?) times in the season we get a montage of past doctors. and i honestly can’t remember anything like that happening earlier (with the exception of the time crash short, which felt more substantial to me and was also like. 7 straight minutes of david tennant being allowed to fangirl.)
and i say ‘the image’ because hell knows the RTD era was pulling from doctor who past left, right, and center, but it rarely felt like a moment of ‘look at this old thing, you remember old thing? old thing was cool and so are we for continuing it.’ and more like ‘here’s a species/character/etc from classic who. and here’s how they’ve changed and fit into the new world we’ve built for the show.’
I guess, the difference here for me is that. i haven’t watched classic who. s5 shows me a slideshow of doctors and to me, those are the guys i once ranked by how sexy i think they are. and not much else. i don’t have an emotional connection to an image. but take, say, school reunion? an episode that was my favorite even back when i was a kid specifically because i adored sarah jane? i had no idea who she was then, i only just figured out a little bit ago which doctor she traveled with, and exclusively all i’ve watched of her is that episode in s2 and the sarah jane adventures. and yet, that episode, without the context there for me, managed to make sense to me. i’m sure it was probably even more impactful to fans of sarah jane from classic who, but it didn’t lose its impact without that knowledge.
so, that’s a shift. i don’t want to say it’s a negative one, exactly, because maybe people who have seen classic who like these references and i’m missing something. but, to me, it feels a little more shallow.
#sorry if i kept talking about sarah jane and school reunion we’d be here all day. her reintroduction to nuwho is phenomenal.#even without classic who. you get it. you get what the doctor did to her. you understand how much it hurt her. by giving her time with rose#we’re able to use what we know about rose to parallel her with sarah jane and infer that sarah jane was a lot like her once. it’s good!#and seeing pictures of the first doctor is like. very funny because he’s a silly little guy. but i don’t know that man.#but yeah. another example i’d put out there is Dalek. and yes everyone loves dalek we all know its good. but. without the context of classic#who. this was the choice of how to reintroduce the daleks to the audience. not as silly tin can killing machine. but as this. this wretched#and pitiable thing that dies to see the sunlight. this monster that is. in its last moments. capable of change. however small.#(a theme that i think links up well to evolution of the daleks in s3. i think its interesting how we’re invited to see the daleks first as#beings that have had a great and terrible injustice done to them. (in episode: the dalek being chained up and tortured. in a wider context:#how daleks are made at all.) before we’re introduced to them as a galaxy-wide threat intent on inflicting that same suffering on the rest of#the universe.)#MY POINT IS: nuwho and classic who mix well when the classic who elements are reintroduced in a way that makes sense both for people with#the back knowledge of classic who (and maybe they get even more out of it) while ALSO makign sense to people who’ve only seen nuwho.#anyway. this is a small thing its far from like. a show-ruining point. its literally fine lol.#doctor who#dw lb
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#random rambles#Technically I'm done with this month's header since yesterday.#Practically I've been feeling so insecure about it I've been procrastinating looking for an icon or uploading it at all#Like it *was* natural to have a downgrade in themes I've said it myself a lot of times. After 24+ themes it's understandable I'd run out–#of inspiration (or even simply material) for the very cool stuff#That said. I did very much spend the whole entire day from when I woke up to when I (started studying at past 2am) went to sleep on it#That's what I get for working with the anime tbh. Bones artstyle is ugly there's little to be done about it#While making it I also came up with other two themes concepts.#One is probably going to replace September's plan and the other idk will probably slid to the next year#Idk looking at this year's planned themes lineup it all feels full of things I'm not skilled enough to make...#On top of everything this February's theme wasn't even what I had initially planned!! The one I had initially planned was a chapter 33 pane#Idk why I didn't follow up with it. Maybe I've just grown to think manga panels are too simple (terrible choice) (rip)#I think the thing that bugs me with both the initially picked image and the anime header I made yesterday–#is that there's no smooth transition with the blog. And I know it's not a big deal but pretty much all my themes do and it's bothering me..#And it shouldn't. Like nearly everyone uses an header that is sharply separate from the blog and they make it work#Uhm..............#Idk I should be studying besides.#I think I'll either go looking for an icon and see how the overall theme looks on the blog. Maybe I'll like it better then.#Or I'll just start over and see if I can use the ch 33 panel I had in mind and see if I'll like THAT better#It'd just be a shame if after all the time I've spent on it yesterday I'd just let it lie unused on my computer#There's also the fact that black and white of the manga doesn't feel very February-esque... (Don't ask)#Ugh. I hate looking for icons it's always the worst part 😭😭😭#I was considering the last Beast Atsushi illustration (because ofc I was) but idk. Idk if I can make it work.#And part of me is also like “don't use beautiful Hoshikawa Beast Atsushi on an ugly theme” LOL#But I also suffer heavily from the lack of Beast in this year's lineup.#Okay rant over. Shutting up now#Edit: If this month's theme is ugly please be kind#Edit 2: Jk I've found like four icons. Maybe I'm just very dramatic
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Healthy anxiety coping mechanism ✅:
using the sophrology exercises I learnt today before tackling the call with my brother
My toxic chosen anxiety coping mechanism 😈 :
Sending a seething reply with thinly veiled threats to my ex harassing me/being creepy + filling it with radfem propaganda before having a 1min monologue with my brother's voicemail
#as a note : said ex is a male who made me realise that my idea of men was very different than the actual male body and being in a#relationship with one. He's also the kind radblr would want dead. He's a conservative pornsick pua who paid prostitues and raped me#on top of about all the male degeneracy you can imagine. So defo a terrible person I got with only because I was groomed#had internalised lesbophobia lack of self-awareness due to traumas and because I was overall in a terrible mental place#so don't feel sorry for him and please don't question my sexuality over him. I literally had my suicide planned back then#and made a lot of terrible and traumatizing life choices back then in order to self-sabotage and prompted by previous traumas#my agency over this was to break up/return in my country after three weeks of rapes under the same roof only to be raped againj#when I completely wasted myself and was coping with the process of whatever happened to me#I shouldn't have to justify it but some people here are quick to make assumptions and I've come to care a lot about radblr#and understand why some women here are wary of lesbians who have been with men given the rampant bi/lesbophobia#I was already repulsed by the male body before my rapes. i just thought I had to fix it and something was wrong with me and that being#a lesbian was bigoted (thanks TRAs for that one)#Anywaaaaays. I hope y'all are having a better day than me. It was fun to dump on my rapist that he has no business giving his opinion#about my sexuality or anything in general tho 🙃#Tañ ha Gerioù
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there's something magnificently terrible in stories that are so afraid of death that they'll invent a horror a thousand times worse and call it mercy
#this is why i watch so much stuff from china and thailand >:TTT#well. this was a read but its...so western#thailand and china have their own issues but they do not carry that stark black and white morality predominantly christian cultures do#this is a story thats supposed to be predominantly about hope and mercy and instead its just horrifying#in condemning violence and death completely they instead made a story where any level of violence or death is held to the same degree#and its 'heroes' need to avoid them at all costs#to the point where the lengths they take are more horrifying than the 'terrible' choices theyre avoiding#this isnt new im just reeling extensively#years of primarily asian media and then i try coming back to some western stories and. PHEW.#no thank you#im going to go cradle farscape instead now#a story of fuckups yet it understands compassion and faith in the face of bleakness so much more#q*
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I don’t think anyone understands how hilarious it was for me to watch those stans jump through hoops to convince themselves Camila ever had romantic feelings for Eddie / read romance into their two post cheating scenes (the one where she says goodbye to everyone but him avoids eye contact and looks mildly disgusted / ashamed while passing him by + the one on the balcony where she rejects him) while trying to jump through hoops to spin this tale about Billy having no feelings for Daisy that aren’t strictly shallow attraction… like very Billy coded of them to lie to themselves like this 😂
#and if you think a valid comeback is ‘Billy also rejected Daisy’ you have to be truly stupid to not understand the char motivations behind#those scenes. And you also have to be willfully ignoring how Sam is playing them#you also have to be ignoring CM’s acting choices she gave such a stunning performance of a woman who does not want#that man romantically At All lol.#like I’m hard pressed to think of a performance that made extreme lack of romantic interest from a female char to male pursuer more evidet#s speaks#like genuinely part of me feels like making this ship up does Cami a disservice because of the structure#giving her this when she could have other things other cheating arcs even that are better and more interesting.#but on the other hand it is So funny the way that fandom moved regarding it and it does expose a lot of people in various ways#was it the intention? Did they make it up so that people would expose themselves as being stupid and terrible? Or was it an accident?#like she deserves better but those people deserve to lose so… it’s a dilemma
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Having a complicated relationship with your mum is so confusing. It's the knowledge that she taught me the best way to make gravy, how tie my shoes and how to make my bed. But she's also the one that made disparaging comments about my body growing up and is part of the reason I don't want to be a parent myself and why I moved across the country for uni. But she's still my mum and I still find myself wishing I could seek comfort from her when things get a little too hard but the mum I'm longing for doesn't really exist. And I see her in the colour of my eyes and in the way I grit my teeth when I'm angry. She taught me how to do my hair and how to cover up bruises. She's a part of me in all the good and the bad. And there's no way to say you hate someone that doesn't also acknowledge all the good because nothings as ever as black and white as that
#personal#+Extra#i dont know i was making gravy for dinner the way my mum taught me and it got me thinking about how i havent spoken to her in over a week#since she told me that my dad is threatening to kick me out again and i started thinking about the fact im currently at empty student#accommodation for the summer instead of back home like most people anf how part of me feels guilty for that and the other knows im doing#whats best for me and theres a reason i left people keep asking why im so far up north for uni if im from down south and i dont know how to#explain it they look at you a certain way when you say you dont get along with your parents like your an entitled brat that cant see that#theyre just doing whats best for you and theres no way to explain two decades of trauma to someone in a single conversation theres no way#to get them to understand that despite what my parents do and the fact i went as far as i could for uni theyre still my parents and i love#them even when i hate them for everything and although ill being carrying the scars of childhood trauma with me long after ive left them i#cant entirely blame even when i want to they made terrible choice that have shaped me for ever but theyre still people and ill always#resent them for the people they are and the fact they could do better but didnt for us and the fact they fall back into those people like#a bad habit when i spend to long at home in a way that makes feel like theres something wrong with me specifically will always sit with me#but for now im stood in my kitchen making sheppards pie thinking of the way my mum used to make it and the tension that used to hang over#the dining table while we ate and how now my parents dont even eat in the same room and im grateful my little siblings will never know#that side of our parents but it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt every time i see a reflection of my parents in myself and wish i could cut it out
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And we ought to still all be using iPods, goddamnit. I do!
i have 3 moods:
skips every song on my ipod
lets the music play without interruption
plays the same song on repeat for days
#fuck phones#no seriously they are a terrible medium for listening to podcasts and music#nobody in the 80s thought their boombox should stop playing music every time a letter came through the letterbox#nobody with a record player thought it should double as a contact device for telemarketers#nobody with a eight-track thought it needed to be able to also play Angry Birds#A music player should play music and never ever fucking notify or interrupt you about anything other than low battery#the choice to make our phones be a single device for all purposes was WRONG#I don't think young people get just how badly a phone is a subpar browser a subpar music player and a shitty camera all rolled into one#and hell being digital means they're also shitty phones to boot since the audio's crap and they'r far less reliable than landlines#the modern 'smartphone' is a lie sold to you by the same technophiles who want to track the data of your fridge#and hell while I am here lets also admit that being at the beck and call of everyone 24/7 through a device you always have is wretched#that's why the right to disconnect is growing as people realize that at least once the child labourer left the coal mine#his three hour rest period couldn't be interupted from a call from his bosses demanding he pick up xtra shifts#because Little Billy fell down shaft C and got entrails all over a valuable seam#doomscrolling and social pressure to be always availible and eight PM boss calls and videos being shot in portrait mode#all of these are symptoms of the same real bad choice to carry a supercomputr in our pockets that serves as our entire life#this isn't a call for ludditism but a cry that we need to understand that the 'connivence' of an all-in-one device has made every just that#much worse as we traded quality for at-hand portability like fools
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Something really amazing happened in France, and I think it'd help us in the US to learn about it. Forgive the long read, but I think this is genuinely great both because of what happened and how.
So as some of you might have seen, in a decision historians will debate for years (mostly to figure out just WTF he was thinking, even though he is alive right now and can be asked), the French president, Emmanuel Macron, currently in power and THREE YEARS before the scheduled election, seeing the far right rise in popularity decided to dissolve the assembly and hold snap elections.
577 seats were up for grabs. Remember that number. Since half of that is 288.5, 289 seats are needed for a majority.
The first round happened last week and boy, was it bad. The far right made HUGE gains. It won or was in first place in so many races. And Macron's party ended up third!
Overall, this is how things ended up after the first round:
Far right bloc: 33%
Left bloc: 28%
Macron's centrist party: 20%
Conservatives: 7%
The way the French system works is that if a candidate gets over 50% of the vote, they win outright, and some of the far right did manage that. But, many races went to a runoff.
Immediate projections after were that the far right bloc might win anywhere from 240 to 310 seats, a catastrophe.
A shameful swing to the far right leading to the first time they'll be in power since the 1940s? Yes, but maybe not??
This is where things get interesting.
Unusually, a lot of these runoffs are 3-way, instead of a simpler 2-way choice. And in pretty much every case, that helps the far right.
So on June 30th, the night of the first round, this is how things went down:
Immediately, the left parties put out the call: anywhere they were third, they withdrew and their voters would go over to whoever was running against the far right candidate. Their goal: form a "republican front" to block the far right. The far right cannot get 289 seats.
Macron's bloc was not so...motivated. Different people put out different instructions: in some places, if they were third, they should drop out, but only to help the center left, not far left, in other places, see how far you are, only then drop out, that kind of thing.
The conservative party simply said they won't drop out and won't give their voters instruction either way in races they're not involved in.
Late night developments:
More people in Macron's party are now beginning to realize the situation and starting to coalesce around whichever candidate can beat the far right one. Prime Minister Gabriel Attal, from Macron's party, says clearly the priority is to block the far right. BUT, some Macron spokespeople on TV say they'll form a coalition only with the center left and conservatives, splitting the left bloc if needed. Some individual Macronists still saying they won't drop out, even if there's no hope of winning.
Lol.
So, now July 1st:
Only half so far. In one race, where the sister of Marine Le Pen (the far right leader and the face of their movement) was leading, the third place Macronist refused to bow out.
Excellent quote from another Macronist:
Perhaps realizing the same thing, that Macronist in the race against the Le Pen sister now drops out.
In some places, third place Macronists are dropping out DESPITE Macron bewilderingly telling them NOT to?
Halfway through the day:
Of the 311 3-way or 4-way runoffs, the number is down to 135 because of these candidates dropping out: 121 Left, 56 Macronists, 1 conservative.
Oh, there was this, in case people had any doubts about how terrible the far right are:
And to show the selflessness of the left:
July 2:
The deadline to decide if they want to stay in a runoff is today.
A dozen new third place Macronists who said they'd stay in have now dropped out. One got a call from both the PM Attal AND Macron to drop out, signalling the dawning understanding of the importance of this moment.
Even some conservative party members are now backing the left candidate who faces the far right.
A Macronist who had 30.55% of the vote in the first round and came in third to the far right's 33.11% and left's 32.73% and who would have been tempted to stay has dropped out.
The deadline to stay in or not has now passed.
Look at these far right shenanigans!
Macron still being a freaking loser:
July 3rd:
In the end, of the 311 3- or 4-way run offs, only 91 left. Some polls come out that have the far right getting between 190 to 220 seats.
July 4th:
New polls say the balance of the voting itself isn't transferring between the left and center and predictions have risen for the far right, now predicted to get between 210 and 250 seats.
July 5th:
New polls again, left voters now predicted to do better transferring vote to the centrists, decreasing the far right projections again.
However, scandalous reporting emerges: while Attal was trying to fend off the far right, Macron was not only NOT taking the far right seriously, he was undermining efforts to defeat them. His team shrugged off the first round results and celebrated a BIRTHDAY as the results were still coming in?
July 6th:
A few runoffs happened yesterday, nothing much unexpected, some left and center wins.
July 7th:
The day of reckoning. At this point, the expectations are that the far right won't come close to that 289 number but could still easily have the most seats.
GUYS.
It's over and the left are in the lead!
A LOT of cases where a leftist or centrist was 2nd in the first round and now won.
Amazing:
SO many lessons to take from this.
First, you have to vote! You have to. You can't do anything without voting. The freaking French, who'll protest for anything, are showing up to vote. If you're trying to achieve any kind of result and it's not going to happen by January 2025, you have to vote now.
But just as importantly, the left and center (and even conservative) parties made very key decisions. They were all lucky that Attal, who Macron chose, saw the big picture, bigger than indeed Macron could. A stupid selfish centrist leader could have still ruined everything if it were up to him.
TL;DR: After a disastrous first round in the national French elections where the far right was on the cusp of taking power, the left and center formed a strong coalition and through the power of voting and unity, overcame the far right AND their selfish centrist president to win.
#french elections#us elections#emmanuel macron#marine le pen#gabriel attal#attal really did the thing for them#french politics
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free online james baldwin stories, essays, videos, and other resources
**edit
James baldwin online archive with his articles and photo archives.
---NOVELS---
Giovanni's room"When David meets the sensual Giovanni in a bohemian bar, he is swept into a passionate love affair. But his girlfriend's return to Paris destroys everything. Unable to admit to the truth, David pretends the liaison never happened - while Giovanni's life descends into tragedy. This book introduces love's fascinating possibilities and extremities."
Go Tell It On The Mountain"(...)Baldwin's first major work, a semi-autobiographical novel that has established itself as an American classic. With lyrical precision, psychological directness, resonating symbolic power, and a rage that is at once unrelenting and compassionate, Baldwin chronicles a fourteen-year-old boy's discovery of the terms of his identity as the stepson of the minister of a storefront Pentecostal church in Harlem one Saturday in March of 1935. Baldwin's rendering of his protagonist's spiritual, sexual, and moral struggle of self-invention opened new possibilities in the American language and in the way Americans understand themselves."
+bonus: film adaptation on youtube. (if you’re a giancarlo esposito fan, you’ll be delighted to see him in an early preacher role)
Another Country and Going to Meet the Man Another country: "James Baldwin's masterly story of desire, hatred and violence opens with the unforgettable character of Rufus Scott, a scavenging Harlem jazz musician adrift in New York. Self-destructive, bad and brilliant, he draws us into a Bohemian underworld pulsing with heat, music and sex, where desperate and dangerous characters betray, love and test each other to the limit." Going to meet the Man: " collection of eight short stories by American writer James Baldwin. The book, dedicated "for Beauford Delaney", covers many topics related to anti-Black racism in American society, as well as African-American–Jewish relations, childhood, the creative process, criminal justice, drug addiction, family relationships, jazz, lynching, sexuality, and white supremacy."
Just Above My Head"Here, in a monumental saga of love and rage, Baldwin goes back to Harlem, to the church of his groundbreaking novel Go Tell It on the Mountain, to the homosexual passion of Giovanni's Room, and to the political fire that enflames his nonfiction work. Here, too, the story of gospel singer Arthur Hall and his family becomes both a journey into another country of the soul and senses--and a living contemporary history of black struggle in this land."
If Beale Street Could Talk"Told through the eyes of Tish, a nineteen-year-old girl, in love with Fonny, a young sculptor who is the father of her child, Baldwin's story mixes the sweet and the sad. Tish and Fonny have pledged to get married, but Fonny is falsely accused of a terrible crime and imprisoned. Their families set out to clear his name, and as they face an uncertain future, the young lovers experience a kaleidoscope of emotions-affection, despair, and hope. In a love story that evokes the blues, where passion and sadness are inevitably intertwined, Baldwin has created two characters so alive and profoundly realized that they are unforgettably ingrained in the American psyche."
also has a film adaptation by moonlight's barry jenkins
Tell Me How Long the Train's been gone At the height of his theatrical career, the actor Leo Proudhammer is nearly felled by a heart attack. As he hovers between life and death, Baldwin shows the choices that have made him enviably famous and terrifyingly vulnerable. For between Leo's childhood on the streets of Harlem and his arrival into the intoxicating world of the theater lies a wilderness of desire and loss, shame and rage. An adored older brother vanishes into prison. There are love affairs with a white woman and a younger black man, each of whom will make irresistible claims on Leo's loyalty.
---ESSAYS---
Baldwin essay collection. Including most famously: notes of a native son, nobody knows my name, the fire next time, no name in the street, the devil finds work- baldwin on film
--DOCUMENTARIES--
Take this hammer, a tour of san Francisco.
Meeting the man
--DEBATES:--
Debate with Malcolm x, 1963 ( on integration, the nation of islam, and other topics. )
Debate with William Buckley, 1965. ( historic debate in america. )
Heavily moderated debate with Malcolm x, Charles Eric Lincoln, and Samuel Schyle 1961. (Primarily Malcolm X's debate on behalf of the nation of islam, with Baldwin giving occassional inputs.)
----
apart from themes obvious in the book's descriptions, a general heads up for themes of incest and sexual assault throughout his works.
#james baldwin#motivated by i think people here think it's harder to find resources and read than it actually is. so much stuff online!#motivation nr 2 wtf
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amara gifs on my dash…. ough i wanna finish s11 of supernatural so bad again……
#u dont understand they drive me insane#terrible awful siblings on my terrible awful siblings show….!!!#made to appeal to me specifically#……..but then i remember id have to sit thru casifer and. you know doctor who is like. a good show? its actually good.#between these two choices i really don’t think the ince- i mean. the uh. compelling. sibling dynamics. of supernatural.#can make me come back just yet. still more doccy who to eat.#but one day.#amara my beloved she is everything to me she is fantastic and great and she should have bitten god until he bled
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F1 Drivers & Their Couples Halloween Costumes
: Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, Oscar Piastri, Charles Leclerc, Carlos Sainz, George Russell, Lewis Hamilton, Pierre Gasly, Alex Albon, Franco Colapinto, and Daniel Ricciardo
: Main Masterlist
: Author’s Note - Ik I’m a little late, but I had terrible migraine and just could not bring myself to finish this. But here we are! Here are some costumes I think that F1 Drivers will wear with their girlfriends
…
Max Verstappen
- Was absolutely against any stupid costume but the moment he saw this, it was over for him.
- For someone who was not interested in dressing up, Max took an awfully long time to make the cat’s head.
- Tried to show his outfit to Jimmy and Sassy……ya let’s just say, it did not go as well as he would have liked it to go 🤭
Lando Norris
- I mean….do I even need to explain this one???
- Lando was the one who came up with the idea (shocker)
- Put more effort and dedication into making the boobs than he does in race strategy! (He’d like to call this costume his life’s best work)
Oscar Piastri
- After rejecting several costume ideas (which included salt & pepper, socket & plug, jam & toast) he finally gave in to this costume (not that he had a choice)
- Decided to be Pete (totally called McLaren to get the orange hoodie set)
- Wanted to truly understand the essence of the character (spent 20+ hours trying to memorise the rap)
Charles Leclerc
- Honestly….even Charles has no idea why he suggested this costume.
- He wanted to do something fun….so he asked Arthur for help (this actually explains a lot why he was dressed like The Simpsons)
- This costume really grows on him, especially the headpiece (the expression reminds him of his years in Ferrari)
Carlos Sainz
- Tbh he has no idea what he’s doing! He’s just happy to be included.
- He doesn’t have many opinions about the costume; he just likes the fact that he gets to be close to his girlfriend.
- Gets so many compliments that he’s already started planning for next year’s couples costume.
George Russell
- Made a bet with Alex about who can become the most iconic Disney duo….hence Darla and Nemo 🐟
- Is more than happy to wear an orange wig, plaid skirt and glittery sweatshirt…🤨
- Even called Toto and asked him to play the dentist as a way to gain bonus points.
Lewis Hamilton
- He would rather die than be caught in these tacky outfits….which is why he found the best costume to wear!
- Got the suits custom made from the best designers (yes the alien is also custom made 👽)
- Won the best costume award (are we even surprised tho 🤷🏻♀️)
Pierre Gasly
- Just don’t ask why….this is what Pierre came up with!
- Now you might think the girlfriend is dressed as the chicken. Well….YOU’RE WRONG!!!
- Pierre insisted on dressing up as the chicken (bonus: he even asked Yuki to dress up as a knife)
Alex Albon
- Made a bet with George and he knew exactly what he wanted to become!!
- Truth be told, Alex made one hell of a Vector.
- He was surprisingly good at putting on the bald cap for Gru….which makes you wonder this isn’t the first time he’s done this 🤔
Franco Colapinto
- He had no intention of dressing up but got invited by the other drives, so he had to come up with something QUICK!
- Voila! Did a quick google search and decided to dress up as the first thing he saw.
- Not the best costume but 8/10 for his efforts and last minute planning 🥉
Daniel Ricciardo
- Does this not look like a pose Daniel would 100% do!!!!
- He said #Green&Proud
- Tried a lot to convince Max to dress up as the donkey 🫏….ya it didn’t happen!
…
Tags: @wobblymug | @evasmlp | @ln8118 |
#f1#formula 1#f1 x reader#formula one x reader#formula 1 x reader#formula one imagine#f1 imagine#max verstappen x reader#lando norris x reader#oscar piastri x reader#charles leclerc x reader#carlos sainz x reader#george russell x reader#lewis hamilton x reader#pierre gasly x reader#daniel ricciardo x reader#franco colapinto x reader#alex albon x reader#max verstappen#lando norris#osacr piastri#charles leclerc#carlos sainz#george russell#lewis hamilton#pierre gasly#daniel ricciardo#franco colapinto#alex albon#halloween
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