#beings that have had a great and terrible injustice done to them. (in episode: the dalek being chained up and tortured. in a wider context:

[quietwingsinthesky]

oh, yeah, another thing i noticed that was odd about s5 in comparison to earlier seasons was how much they relied on like. not the history of the doctor, exactly, but the image of that history. whether from little easter eggs of the first doctor’s picture popping up everywhere to i think the two(?) times in the season we get a montage of past doctors. and i honestly can’t remember anything like that happening earlier (with the exception of the time crash short, which felt more substantial to me and was also like. 7 straight minutes of david tennant being allowed to fangirl.)

and i say ‘the image’ because hell knows the RTD era was pulling from doctor who past left, right, and center, but it rarely felt like a moment of ‘look at this old thing, you remember old thing? old thing was cool and so are we for continuing it.’ and more like ‘here’s a species/character/etc from classic who. and here’s how they’ve changed and fit into the new world we’ve built for the show.’

I guess, the difference here for me is that. i haven’t watched classic who. s5 shows me a slideshow of doctors and to me, those are the guys i once ranked by how sexy i think they are. and not much else. i don’t have an emotional connection to an image. but take, say, school reunion? an episode that was my favorite even back when i was a kid specifically because i adored sarah jane? i had no idea who she was then, i only just figured out a little bit ago which doctor she traveled with, and exclusively all i’ve watched of her is that episode in s2 and the sarah jane adventures. and yet, that episode, without the context there for me, managed to make sense to me. i’m sure it was probably even more impactful to fans of sarah jane from classic who, but it didn’t lose its impact without that knowledge.

so, that’s a shift. i don’t want to say it’s a negative one, exactly, because maybe people who have seen classic who like these references and i’m missing something. but, to me, it feels a little more shallow.

[randomjreader]

Oh my god...I usually wait till I finish a series (or at least most of it) before I post my opinion about it, just so I don't eat my words later on, but this series, "Not Me" by GMMTV in particular is just too good, and I don't see how I could possibly grow to dislike it later on. Just look at these scene (SOMEWHAT SPOILERS AHEAD, BUT LIKE ALSO NOT REALLY):

I actually shed a tear at this scene, simply because of how overwhelmingly powerful it is. Especially in this part of the world, where it's relatively more conservative, these kinds of scenes are rarely, if ever, shown on Asian media. (In fact, I think this is the first time GMMTV (a company well known for making Thai BLs) has shown a pride flag being waved around like this.) Hell, even around the world you don't see this kind of thing in fictional media often. So it just makes me feel emotional to see Not Me, a Thai series, give us a scene that shows a group of people being so proud of what they stand for and what they are fighting for. It really hit me hard, and I know that this scene was incredibly impactful to many others too, especially those who live in countries that are strongly against the LGBTQ community.

But this series doesn't just give great representation to the queer community, it goes further than that. I'm only halfway through this show, and I feel like I've already learnt so much about socio-political issues. The way this show was written was so damn GOOD; every episode brought up a new societal issue that is prominent in not just Thailand, but other parts of the world too. They've touched on class privilege, police brutality, impunity, ect. And I just know that they'll continue to shine light on more important topics as the series goes on.

The way they've portrayed the fighting of injustice was so well done too. The world is complex, there's never a black and white when it comes to socio-political issues. The way they've shown the trade offs between the different ways of fighting back against a corrupt power is everything to me, because it shows just how complex these situations are, how the actions taken by the "rebels" fighting can have both terrible consequences as well as meaningful outcomes. Each character has layers, and different approaches to dealing with issues, and each time they do they always show both sides of the coin — so far everything that has been done doesn't give some optimistic end result. They've stayed realistic; they've shown the good and the bad, and I think that that's something that's so important to express in a show that addresses real world issues, because in real life not everything is sunshine and rainbows. Actions have consequences, and you can tell through the writing and acting that the characters, in particular the main character, are constantly struggling with this, between wanting to make change and not wanting innocent people to get caught in the crossfire, which is near impossible when it comes to situations like these, because there will always be victims who lose out. It's just all very realistic, and shines light on just how messed up our society is, and I think that's so important for everyone to know.

Honestly, at this point, I'm just kinda rambling because I have wayy to many thoughts about this whole damn show, and I haven't sorted them out properly yet. I just needed to get them all out before I continue because there's just way too much I'm in awe of. Seriously, props to the actors, the writers, the directors, just basically everyone who was involved in creating this series, because it's just so damn meaningful and impactful. The balls they had to push for this project and release it, especially at a time where there was quite a bit of political unrest, is truly remarkable.

If there was ever a show I wanted to suggest to everyone to watch, it'd be this one. If you're into learning more about socio-political issues, and want to watch an exciting drama that tackles these issues head on and do it hella well, watch it. It has already hooked me from the start and I'm so confident that it's good that I'm releasing my opinion before I even start the second half.

[mollrat101]

Hacks Appreciation Week

Day 1: Favorite Scene

I would have to say the scene that most made me want to stand up and cheer and felt the most satisfying every time I watched it was Deborah demolishing Drew on stage in episode 8. 

After all the heartbreak we, as an audience, now know Deborah has been through (including all the sexual harassment and assault she’s had to face) it’s incredibly satisfying for Deborah to finally have her moment to say “you know what? no more. fuck this shit.” and rightfully destroy this piece of shit man who thinks it’s in any way acceptable to joke about drugging a woman and sexually harass other female comedians and just generally be a garbage, talentless human being. 

Deborah has usually just kept on trucking regardless of how much things bothered her or unhappy they made her, but this is the moment she breaks. When she’s done just powering through shitty treatment. Great character arcs are usually defined by them realizing that the power they had to change their life was always within them. Deb is there now. 

For so long, Deborah has bit her tongue about the terrible sexist treatment she’s experienced in this industry because, understandably, she doesn’t want to paint a target on her back, again. Even to the point that she perpetuated sexist jokes herself. 

To me, this moment, is Deborah fully coming back to herself. The Deborah that showed up in that club was similar to the woman we saw in the unaired late night pilot but this time sharper, more shrewd...and this time, she’s not alone. 

But it’s also the fact that that this scene isn’t just Deborah’s alone that also seals it for me. The intense intimacy of Ava starting to realize that Deborah took what she had to say to heart and her being the first one to realize what’s going on. It just again speaks to the intimacy of the relationship between performer and writer. There’s something special about being the person in the audience who knows where the joke comes from. I also think this is the moment in which Deborah fully became someone Ava truly admires. 

Something I will maintain to my dying breath is that Ava Daniels is a good person and one of the things I most admire her is her concern about justice. It’s obvious, even though she like everybody else isn’t perfect about it, that she wants to do the right thing. She’s sensitive, empathetic and compassionate. Ava reminds Deborah of her moral values and how she could maybe use her art for good too. That is incapsulated in this scene. 

I think in a more wider sense though this was the first scene that it really hit home for me that Ava and Deborah’s relationship might not just be good for them personally and their close circle...but that it might also be good for the world. Some of my most favorite couples, one that practically transcend into something even greater, tend to be ones that seem to have or had a potential for a great destiny: Jamie and Brienne from A Song of Ice and Fire, Zuko and Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender. Couples who’s shared values and commitment to doing the right thing in a world full of injustices make them become legendary. People would remember them, sing songs about them, their stories would become myths. 

Am I saying that Ava and Deborah are on that level? 

I think they could be something like that and this scene explains why. 

It was the devastating look on Deborah’s face right beforehand realizing that her individual success was admirable, yes, but unfortunately systemic sexism is going to continue if people in the industry don’t speak out. For so long, Deborah was so vulnerable but now she’s clawed and fought for the success and power she’s gotten and she finally realizes maybe she can use it for good. Just like she had wanted to do in 1976. Her dream didn’t die then, it was just delayed for a long time. 

But Deborah can’t do it alone. And I think along with being artistic soulmates, they may just truly be soulmates (romantic or not, in the end) in that the two of them together have almost a greater life purpose that they can only achieve together. To me, this is the moment that I feel might genuinely be the most Lily Tomlin and Jane Wagner moment they’ve had so far. Two complimentary halves of an artistic soul who use both of their strengths to both entertain and to promote their values in their work. 

Ava is the set up and Deborah is the punchline. Ava has the strong moral compass and writerly insight, and Deborah has the confidence, the experience and the wit to be able to get people to listen. 

It is this scene that made me realize they maybe Ava and Deborah’s future as a couple (fingers crossed) might not be confined to just personal fulfillment...but to greatness. It is this moment that I think we see the best potential for Ava and Deborah to become comedy legends. 

Will that happen? 

It remains to be seen and maybe they won’t, but this scene makes a damn good case for what could be possible. 

[swordgayist]

book 3 ty lee and zuko

consider an alternate universe where, instead of maiko, zuko and ty lee develop a strong friendship while mai and azula’s close friendship (that might be peppered with some lesbianism) slowly degrades over time. allow me to elaborate.

zuko and ty lee start bonding on the journey back to the fire nation because ty lee is the only one among the people surrounding zuko who doesn’t bully and/or abuse him regularly, and vice versa.

TY LEE: aren’t you cold? what are you doing out here?

ZUKO: i’ve got a lot on my mind. it’s been so long, over three years since i was home. i wonder what’s changed. i wonder how i’ve changed

TY LEE: hm.

TY LEE: we all missed you.

(just getting the ball rolling here)

they talk more when they get to the fire nation, and the usual topic is azula, and how she treats them. they bond over the mean shit she’d do to them when they were kids because that’s easier to laugh at. it’d probably get a little more real sometimes too.

but the thing is, when it gets real, ty lee’s relationship with azula doesn’t sound a lot like zuko’s relationship with azula.

see with zuko, he isn’t actively afraid of her or subordinate to her. he is just competitive with her and she wins, and she also manipulates him a lot.

when it comes to ty lee and azula, everything is subtle. both ty lee and azula know that there is a power dynamic, but neither of them say anything about it. azula clearly hurts ty lee regularly, but they both brush it off afterwards. azula’s abuse of ty lee is just normalized, ty lee doesn’t say anything and the power dynamic continues.

the more zuko hears about it the more it sounds like how his father treats him rather than how azula treats him. 

meanwhile on the mai and azula side of things, mai’s character is going to be done much much differently. because i hate how she’s written on the show so i will change her until i like her who’s gonna stop me

basically, instead of this extremely disjointed idea that mai ...... likes to do villainy things ? but still somehow she only does them because she’s scared of azula ?? we’re gonna scrap that. mai loves doing cruel shit to other people.

we’re scrapping everything about her backstory too. her parents are just two ordinary fire nation politicians who love hearing about people who are lesser than them suffering (not just people from other nations, but people who are less privileged than them etc).

we’re also scrapping the part of her character where she complains all the time because it doesn’t add anything to her story and it’s annoying.

that classism aspect of mai’s character (”you know what’ll make you feel better? ordering some servants around!” for example) is gonna be expanded upon a lot. coming from a rich, politician family, mai is extremely blasé about other people’s suffering and believes very strongly that she just matters more than them and that bothering herself with them is below her. she sees how her parents interact with their servants and how they laugh about what happens in the earth kingdom colonies and the water tribes and she picks up the cruelty they display. 

because of that, her and azula get along well. usually when azula is mean to zuko or ty lee, mai just kinda laughs about it on the side. when she’s helping azula she relishes the distress she causes the people she attacks. she always sees it as fun and games. it provides a stark contrast between mai and ty lee as azula’s friends where mai joins azula out of apathy and love for cruelty, while ty lee joins azula out of fear.

(once again this is already kinda there on the show but then they just ??? ignore it and say that mai followed her out of fear too ??? which makes no sense ??)

then in the beach episode, the conflicts go a little like this:

zuko and ty lee are annoyed at mai for being so cruel and apathetic, mai and ty lee are annoyed at zuko for having all these emotional outbursts, and zuko is annoyed at ty lee for being so at ease and complacent in her maltreatment, while mai is just kinda slut shaming her. azula, like in the og beach episode, is too busy dealing with her own problems to be annoyed by other people.

we finally get a better extended version of this interaction between zuko and ty lee at the end of the beach:

TY LEE: what’re you doing?

ZUKO: what does it look like i’m doing?

TY LEE: but..... it’s a painting of your family.

ZUKO: do you think i care?!

TY LEE: i think you do.

ZUKO: you don’t know me. so why don’t you just mind your own business!

TY LEE: *sighs* i know you.

ZUKO: no you don’t! you’re stuck in your little ty lee world where everything’s great all the time!

ZUKO: ‘i’m so pretty, look at me, i can walk on my hands! whoo!’

ZUKO: circus freak.

zuko is annoyed that ty lee is so reluctant to stand up for herself and instead pretends everything is okay (this really comes out when after everything between them ty lee helps azula flirt), while ty lee is annoyed that zuko sees complaining about it and being angry all the time as “doing something about it”.

meanwhile the beach episode is the first time mai has actually been presented with the idea that ty lee (and also zuko) is not happy with how she’s treated. ty lee tries to hide it as much as possible out of fear for azula, but mai still kind of picks it up. and mai is also developing a little thing for ty lee (also peppered with some gayism).

but anyways, at the end of the beach and in later episodes zuko and ty lee repair their friendship. zuko finally starts to understand some things, and ty lee contributes to that a lot. zuko’s already realizing that he’s not happy, even as crown prince and as a hero to the fire nation. he’s starting to realize that the way his father treats him isn’t okay or loving in any way. finally in nightmares and daydreams he realizes that sitting quiet while injustice is planned right in front of him isn’t who he is. and because of his argument with ty lee in the beach, he realizes that he can’t just know it, he needs to do something about it.

and on the day of black sun he leaves the fire nation ayeeee

but that means he leaves ty lee alone. he was kind of a safe place for her while she was around azula, and by leaving he kind of took that safety away from her. he of course didn’t take her along to protect her, but yeah.

so in the boiling rock, ty lee sneaks away from azula and mai to talk to zuko. she gets mad that he left her behind, and when zuko tells her he did it to protect her, she’s conflicted on whether she would prefer to commit treason and be an enemy to the fire nation or just stay in the fire nation and let it all happen like she always has.

but she sees zuko, she sees how much healthier and more energetic he looks after confronting his abuser and leaving the fire nation (she finds it ironic that he looks happier and healthier as a fugitive in ratty prison clothes than he ever did as a prince in royal robes). and she can’t help but feel like maybe she could too.

and because of this, at the end of the boiling rock, while mai and azula are trying to stop zuko, sokka, suki and company, ty lee comes up to the landing platform and starts taking out all the guards before they can cut the cable holding the gondola up.

PRISON GUARD: what are you doing?!

TY LEE: saving my best friend.

(yknow instead of ‘saving the jerk who dumped me’)

zuko pleads that they should go back and save ty lee, but sokka remorsefully tells him that they can’t because if they don’t take this way out, they might not be able to escape at all. so all zuko can do is pray. rip.

so azula confronts ty lee. azula is confused and angry that ty lee betrayed her because she was sure she had ty lee under her thumb. but ty lee drops *the line*:

TY LEE: i love zuko more than i fear you.

and so azula gets ready to attack ty lee and ty lee gets ready as well.

and this is where mai starts to realize that it was indeed *not* all fun and games. 

mai picked up cruelty but with azula ...... it was built into her. she was taught it, it was all she knew. and in this moment she was actually going to kill ty lee. so in that moment mai had to make a decision. because it wasn’t just ty lee who was in danger, it was her, if she were to let ty lee die ty lee’s blood would be on her hands, because she will have let azula kill someone she loves. she needs to save herself from going too deep and becoming like azula (keep in mind this is *her* mindset, not necessarily reality).

so she steps in, and she uses her knives to pin azula to the wall. 

now, azula isn’t just angry and confused, she’s broken. because she knew ty lee followed her out of fear, but she thought mai actually saw her as a friend. yet even mai betrayed her, reinforcing the idea that trust is for fools because in the end, no one loved her enough not to betray her. and now with ty lee’s betrayal, it seems like no one fears her enough not to either.

the guards come before mai and ty lee can get away, and they are put in prison.

after the day of sozin’s comet, zuko orders for them to be released, and ty lee finally reunites with her best friend again. 

meanwhile, after a lot of introspection and conversations with ty lee, mai starts to see some of the errors in her ways. she doesn’t know exactly how to make up for it, but her first step is to humbly approach suki and ask if she can join the kyoshi warriors.

(also perhaps while they’re in prison mai confesses to ty lee, and ty lee tells her that she could never fall in love with the person mai was before they were thrown into prison, and that if mai changed her ways ty lee might be ready later in the future.)

after having spent a lot of time with the kyoshi warriors and better learning how to empathize with other people, mai is able to help zuko and the gaang with azula’s healing process.

+ty lee starts to see how mai’s changed and they start talking and whoo pansexualism (officially headcanoning ty lee as a pansexual)

and so on and so forth, this is the basic gist of it this is terribly written but whatever

[solcomfortssouls]

Anime watchlist

Honzuki no Gekokujou

Slice of life fantasy with a clear goal, mundane but hard to overcome obstacles of a sickly girl, poor wealth, little literacy in the world, very realistic class society with injustice included and with complex layered characters that have good cores if you work your way into them. It's amazing how not slow this story is despite there not being action per se. Always something happening, good measure of angst and friendships and high stakes.

This anime is so amazing it's chopping down all the other anime on my watch list - it's quality is just making me have way higher demands. Everything seems way too stupid compared to this gem.

Jujutsu Kaisen (TV)

Demon action classic shounen with a Naruto teams formula? I love that formula and I hear that characters are really good and it had thematic depth. Very curious about this one.

/Edit after watching/

Turned out pretty generic? I get what archetypes and tropes this plays on and they are working, but there isn't really anything new or fascinating about this. I didn't even drop it, I just forgot about it after 6 episodes lol.

Princess Tutu

Old and high ranking with a weird title but what I'm hearing about it is intriguing. Love the premise, the prince and protector setup and the bubbly duck shapeshifter and that the main action seems to be done trhough ballet and magic. I'm curious about Fahir and the potential ship with the MC and the idea that characters from a story are alive and playing it to the end.

/Edit after watching/

Ehhh. Okay it got some themes about being true to oneself and being accepted for it and I liked the ship dynamic between Fahir and Duck, but otherwise meh. The dancing scenes were a fresh change to fighting scenes, but they were so dull and repeative. I feel like this truly is as childish as it looks like.

Houseki no kuni

High ranking, interesting idea, the animation looks beautiful and the premise got me curious. This has high potential.

12 Kingdoms

Reminds me of Akatsuki no Yona. Stranded in a different world with a protag to grow and an old classic with pretty detailed animation.

Log Horizon

Stranded in a video game. The third season is ongoing so I'm taking it's really popular. A scheming MC and more realistic and planning approach to building the world instead of just fighting for survival.

Dropped

Mushoku Tensei: Isekai Ittara Honki Dasu

The magic animation is stunning and the first episode was intriguing. But damn the whole pervert side to the protag and the second episode was so empty and lame I wanted to cry. This is what got me to look around for more Isekai and brought me to try Bookworm anime so I'm grateful at least for that - I can't watch this any further after seeing the depth and beauty of Honzuki. It's laughable in comparison, relying on panty shots and cute girls and apparently a whole story around the typical Isekai protag gathering a harem of girls and making them his wives. Bleh.

Tanya the evil

This thing is terrible. Great graphic and fights and thrilling atmosphere but there is nothing to like about the main character. It's high ranked and good quality but I dropped it after 3 episodes, not having any desire to watch this psychotic MC further.

[xxxrebelwriterxxx]

I'm just really mad at the injustice that they did to Dean's character. After all he did for his brother, his family, and the world, he really did get the shittiest ending. This man has defeated every creature that goes bump in the night. He's faced demons and angels and he did it all with a smile on his face because he knew he was protecting the ones he loved. He never stopped fighting. No matter who was taken from him, he kept on fighting for what he believed was right. As long as Sam and Cas were okay, Dean was prepared to face anything and defeat them. He took on God. Like THE God, creator of EVERYTHING. AND HE WON! Despite the fact that he lost Cas, he won. Finally he had a chance to live a normal life with his brother, with nobody controlling the story.

And he's killed by a fucking nail in the wall of a dirty, dingy barn.

I'm not even mad at the fact that he died. I'm mad at how he died. Dean always expected to go down swinging. And really, I figured there was a chance he would. But I thought it would be because he sacrificed his life for Sam or whoever they were trying to save. I thought his death would have meaning. But it was just some terrible, unnecessary accident on some random, unremarkable hunt.

And then he makes it to Heaven, which great he deserved it. He met up with his original Bobby, which was beautiful. Baby was there and he was finally at peace. He learned that Cas had helped Jack rebuild Heaven and he was finally happy.

But WHERE WAS CAS.

Youre telling me the angel who gave it all for those boys was rescued and brought to Heaven by his son, but he didn't meet up with the human who he gave his LIFE for. Cas gave EVERYTHING he had to give to Dean, and Sam by extension. If he knew Dean was in Heaven, there's no way in Hell he wouldn't have been there to welcome him to the Heaven he helped create.

In my opinion, Dean dying wasn't a surprise. It was how they did his death that broke everything in me. He died in a stupidly tragic way with no purpose at all. He didn't tear apart Heaven or even the Empty to find the one other person in the universe that he loved as much as Sam. There was so much they could've done to make this a truly spectacular ending. And most of it would've just been tiny changes. But they didn't. They failed the Winchester Brothers, they failed Cas, and they failed the fandom that has given their everything for this show that saved their lives and brightened their days.

I still love Supernatural. I'll always love the show and the fandom and the family I've made along the way. But right now I'm grieving. I'm grieving the end of the last facet of my childhood and I'm grieving because of how terrible the last two episodes were.

Most of all, I'm grieving for the actors who put so much into this show for us. Jared, Jensen, and Misha gave up a good part of their lives to give us this fantastic show. They were there for us, made us laugh when all we wanted to do was cry. We love them. I think Misha and Jensen were both cheated with how the show ended. I hope they know they're still loved by the fans and that we don't blame them.

Thank you Supernatural for always being there when we needed you. And thank you to the friends I've made along the way in this fandom. I know were all grieving right now but remember that were all here for one another. Family don't end in blood.

[princepondincherry]

The Tragedy of “The Wrong Jedi”

The first time I watched the Jedi Temple bombing arc in Star Wars: The Clone Wars, I was kind of uncomfortable with how it played out. I felt like it misrepresented how the Jedi Council would have handled the situation, that Anakin was going too far and uncomfortably close to the Dark Side, and that Ventress was handled strangely. But after reading a whole bunch of posts by tumblr user gffa and others about how the Jedi didn’t handle it too terribly, I’ve had to rethink my view. Thinking about it more, it’s definitely even more tragic than I realized.

I’ve got a lot to say (seriously, a massive wall of text) and, even though this is a really old show, I might as well put spoilers under the cut.

Okay, first of all: Ahsoka might not have been found innocent if she stayed in jail, but I bet she would. Barriss knocked out the guards and left Ahsoka a keycard to break out of her jail cell. As soon as she used it to break out, Ahsoka fell into the trap. If she’d just sat in the cell, eventually order would have been restored in the prison, and there would have been some sort of evidence that someone else was trying to frame her. Unless Barriss managed to spin it so it looked like Ahsoka broke out, killed some clones, and then returned to her jail cell? Seems unlikely. The genius of the trap was that breaking her out was exactly the sort of rule-breaking she’d expect Anakin to do, so I can’t blame her for falling for it.

Actually, taking a step back, the frame-job only worked because Ahsoka was an impulsive Padawan. I tried imagining how other Jedi would have reacted, and a few of them would have ended up much better. Anakin probably would have been screwed too, but a lot of more-experienced Jedi would have just begun meditating calmly in the cell and been able to follow the promptings of the Force to end up with a better outcome. In particular, Obi-Wan probably would have laughed about the key card and managed to talk his way to some sort of advantage with the clones who came to investigate. (And, of course, someone like Yoda might have just sensed Barriss like Tarkin said Ahsoka should have been able to.) None of this is Ahsoka’s fault, of course--she’s a great Jedi; she’s just in training still, and not the calmest.

Moving on, the Jedi Council expelling Ahsoka *really* bothered me, and I don’t think that’s an uncommon opinion. Other people (gffa, again) have talked at length about how they were under great pressure from the Senate, and so it wasn’t entirely their fault, but I still thought it was a terrible, if understandable, decision. They brought that the Senate was concerned they wouldn’t be impartial, but I thought, “Let the Senate be concerned. The Council *know* they’re impartial, so if Padawan Tano is guilty, they’ll find her guilty and punish her. Which, of course, is what the Senate wants. And if she’s innocent, they should support her no matter the political consequences.” But then I realized that the evidence against her was so strong at that point that the Council was probably assuming any trial would find her guilty, and the only real point of contention would be the punishment. The Jedi would probably decide on a punishment that wasn’t strong enough for the Senate’s liking. So instead, they decided that expelling her from the order *was* their punishment. It’s my opinion that this was either discussed in offscreen Council deliberations or just understood by the Councilmembers, who’ve worked together for a long time. The episode probably just didn’t make this explicitly clear because we’re intended to emotionally be on Ahsoka’s side, feeling betrayed like her, and only figure out the larger implications later with more thought and analysis. If this is true, it totally worked on me. You could definitely make a good argument that they still should have made a stand, but with public opinion and the opinion of the Senate turning against them, they had to pick and choose their battles.

                                                     THE TRIAL

The real thing that convinced me to write this post was the emotions and framing of the end of the trial, when Anakin brings Barriss forth and gets her to confess. The whole trial makes masterful use of oppositions. First, Tarkin and Padme are prosecutor and defender. They literally enter from opposite sides. Symbolically, since we know these characters, this is Grand Moff Tarkin supporting his vision of punitive control (he calls for the death penalty!) versus Senator Padme Amidala, supporting the rights and freedoms of an innocent. The symbolism and conservation of characters is nice enough that I can overlook how stupid it is that an Admiral and a Senator are the ones arguing this case or that the Chancellor of the Republic is also overseeing a trial. (Also, a Jedi accused of sedition is a BIG DEAL.)

Palpatine, of course, gives a grand speech about how Separatists have fooled the Republic before, laying on the irony as thick as he can as he accuses Ahsoka of being part of a plot to tear the Jedi Order apart. There’s an interesting interaction when Anakin breaks his stride right before he declares Ahsoka guilty, and I imagine he was torn between annoyance and his desire to have Anakin like him. And then when Barriss starts her big speech about how the Jedi have lost their way, he must be thrilled that these sentiments are getting such traction among the populace that even a Jedi espouses them and gets such a public stage to proclaim them.

Because--and this is the important part--Barriss is WRONG. - “The Jedi are the ones responsible for this war.” -- INCORRECT - “We have so lost our way that we have become villains in this conflict.”--INCORRECT. One thing that bothered me is that so much of the anti-Jedi argument is that they’re killers, but we almost always see them fighting droids. This is the most bloodless war ever, even assuming there’s a ton of offscreen collateral damage. ONSCREEN we see the Jedi avoiding collateral damage as much as possible. - “We are the ones that should be put on trial; all of us.”--No, literally just Barriss should be put on trial, for her senseless crimes. - “My attack on the Temple was an attack on what the Jedi have become--an army fighting for the dark side.”-- Incorrect on two counts. Others have explained how the Jedi are CLEARLY the good guys in this show, and more than that, her attack on the Temple was pointless murder that failed to even make a clear statement. She killed Jedi, non-Jedi workers, and clones, so I guess she was just symbolically opposing the war effort, but considering she had to explain herself before anyone guessed her motives, I don’t think she did a very good job.

Once you accept that Barriss is wrong, this becomes extremely tragic. - Anakin’s clearly struggled with the dark side over this whole arc, but he hasn’t Fallen. He’s still firmly a Jedi, firmly rooted in the Light. He lets Ventress go when he realizes she’s not responsible (which may have been a bad decision ethically, but it was probably better than just killing her), tries talking calmly to Barriss first, and sees justice done. He works within the system by making sure Ahsoka is arrested. - The music is just SO GOOD. When I was believing Barriss, the dark, dramatic music just made me more uncomfortable (”ahh, the bad guy is right?!”), but now it’s just sad. - This trial has been taking place in a Senate courtroom with the Imperial logo prominently displayed on the wall, Tarkin prosecuting, and the future Emperor presiding. But when justice is truly served, it’s by Anakin Skywalker, a Jedi Knight opposing Palpatine, and four Jedi Guardians escorting a prisoner. And...look, in terms of iconography, those guys are awesome enough to challenge all the Imperial paraphernalia, with their masks, armor, and special yellow lightsabers. Seriously, I’m surprised over the strength of the feelings I’m having about the clash of icons here. The failing Republic/future Empire is about to perpetrate a great injustice, but in march the traditional guards of an ancient peacekeeping order in full dramatic procession to bring true justice.

Barriss and everyone else taken in by anti-Jedi propaganda fail to realize that the Jedi aren’t the cause of the problem--they’re just a bandage struggling to help people like Padme hold a failing Republic together as crime syndicates, the Sith, and more base forms of evil such as corruption tear it apart.

I’ve written waaaay too much already, so I won’t talk about it too much, but Ahsoka’s arc in season 7 supports my thoughts. Basically, that arc starts with her realizing how the common people often have at least semi-legitimate reasons to dislike the Jedi, and it ends with her realizing that she’s been acting like a Jedi the whole time (and the one hostile Martinez sister realizing that since Ahsoka’s basically a Jedi, she’s been judging the Jedi too harshly).

[whatawriterwields]

Am I Wrong?

The bookshop’s window looks out onto the street. Aziraphale stands there, feet planted firmly on the dusty wood of the floor, shoulders back, head erect. Hands clasped behind his back. A soldier at attention, though he can’t stop his hands from fidgeting, hard as he tries. He stares out at the cars and the pedestrians passing, one after the other, back and forth, back and forth. He watches the pattern repeat until he can hardly stand it, until he wants to scream. His eyes burn, but it’s not enough to produce real tears.

He’s used to this feeling, this twisting, swirling sensation in his gut. He’s been known to stand this way for hours, days even, before finally breaking down and crying, and then trying to forget about it. As his hands tremble now, and he fights to keep them still, he hopes this one will pass more quickly.

But this time he’s interrupted. Though he’s turned his bookshop’s sign to CLOSED - though he’s had the wild thought, as he always does in these episodes, that he should close the damn thing down and leave London for good - the door swings open around noon, and a familiar voice calls out to him above the bell.

“Angel?”

His heart leaps, faintly, at the sight of Crowley’s red hair making its way toward him through the shelves. For a moment he thinks about moving away from the window, opening a bottle of wine with the demon, and whiling away the afternoon and the evening with pleasant conversation. Laughing about customers and hearing horror stories about Crowley’s plants. But then the thought crumples. Aziraphale deflates, and turns back toward the window, eyes burning a little stronger. That’s just like him, to think of distracting himself with pleasure. How stupid of him. How selfish. 

Read on Ao3

Crowley appears by his side. “What are you doing here? I fancied a lunch date.” 

Aziraphale forces a little smile. “That sounds fine, dear.”

“Fine?” Crowley raises an eyebrow. 

His lips twist into a half-grimace, and he focuses his eyes on the people passing by on their side of the sidewalk. It’s not many people - the day is overcast, and it’s a weekday, and most people are at home or at work - but it’s enough. Enough to remind Aziraphale why he should be at work too.

“Something’s bothering you,” says Crowley. “Tell me.”

Oh, that would be easy, wouldn’t it? To confide in Crowley, to heave all his inner turmoil on the demon’s shoulders, to let him carry the weight Aziraphale was made for. That would be convenient enough. Aziraphale swallows, tasting salt on his tongue, and stares away. “It’s nothing.” 

“Don’t be daft. I’ve never heard you that unenthusiastic about food.” 

And that comment, though it’s said in a lighthearted tone, a gentle tone, even - though Aziraphale knows Crowley is only teasing, and that Crowley loves him, and that Crowley doesn’t mind going out to restaurants and watching Aziraphale eat everything on the menu - because of those things, in fact, that comment makes Aziraphale’s shoulders sag, and he covers his face with his hands as they begin to shake.

“Aziraphale?” Crowley is taken aback. “Hey, hey -” he puts an arm around Aziraphale, using the other hand to draw Aziraphale’s damp fingers from his eyes, to brush the brimming tears away - “what did I say?” 

“N-nothing.” Aziraphale pulls away from Crowley’s arms. He doesn’t deserve comfort. “I’m…”

“What? You’re what?”

“I’m all wrong.” He gestures helplessly out the window, too overwhelmed to try disguising the catch in his voice. “Do you see the people out there? The people who walk by my bookshop every day, and have for hundreds of years, and did before I came here and started this ridiculous business?” He locks his eyes on a man with his head bowed against the wind, and points. “That man just lost his job. He’s trying to care for his son, but he’s barely making ends meet, and he’s been praying every night for a miracle to change his fate.” 

Crowley’s eyes widen. “How do you know that?”

Oh, Crowley doesn’t know, of course he doesn’t. Aziraphale has never told him what the world is like for a principality. That’s one secret he’s never confided. “I know them all, Crowley. I can know every human’s suffering if I want to.” 

“What?” 

“See that woman?” He motions, somewhat wildly, to an elderly woman several paces behind the man. “She hasn’t talked to any of her family members since her brother died. She tries to work up the courage every day, but she just can’t stop thinking about which one of them is next, and maybe it’s her but even worse, maybe it isn’t, and she’s terrified of letting herself cry about this first loss when she’s got to keep herself strong for so many more.” Aziraphale dashes more tears from his eyes. 

Crowley’s mouth is hanging open. He seems utterly lost for words, but that’s just fine - Aziraphale isn’t done, he isn’t close to done. 

“I’ve been in this shop since the eighteenth century,” he says, “and I’ve seen every kind of suffering under the sun. I’ve seen people break down and cry in the middle of the street. I’ve seen arguments end decades-old relationships. I’ve seen people dying, out there in the cold during the worst winters, and no one caring enough to help them.” He clutches his head, running his fingers through his hair, his breaths shaky, uneven. “But most often I just see the pain in their minds. And it doesn’t show up on their faces. And I can read exactly what’s happening to them - I can see how badly they need the world to just stop being so unfair, and for some great cosmic order to right their lives, and for things to start making sense.” 

Aziraphale lets his arms fall. “All while I’m here, in my bookshop, wealthy as can be, able to go out to lunch whenever I like, never needing to worry about money or dying or how I’ll keep warm when winter comes.” He wants to let his legs give out under him. He wants to fall apart. “All while I’m reading books and eating crepes.” 

There’s a moment of silence. Aziraphale doesn’t look up at Crowley; instead, he turns and leans his forehead against the window. He can still see people passing. He sees the ones in their cars, too, and it takes him no time at all to pick out the ones hurting. To see their stories unfurling out from behind them like so much shredded ribbon. 

“You...” says Crowley at last, “what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’m a bad angel, Crowley,” Aziraphale snaps. “I’m saying I was supposed to be a warrior against the forces of evil and injustice, and I don’t know how. I’m no good at fighting. I’m saying -” his hands are still clenching and unclenching, feeling, Aziraphale knows, for the flaming sword he still senses like a phantom limb - “I’m saying that I’m frivolous, and shallow, and selfish.” 

“Oh, come on.” Crowley reaches out for Aziraphale again, hands going to his shoulders, comforting - and once more Aziraphale sidesteps them. Why is being kind so easy for Crowley? Why does comforting come so natural to a demon? Why can’t Aziraphale reach out to the person driving that car out there, who’s fallen off the wagon for the third time, and give him some of that healing warmth that flows from Crowley without a thought? 

“I care so much about books,” Aziraphale whimpers. “I read them over and over, and I collect them, and sometimes I just sit in the middle of them and stare at them and feel so happy I can’t even explain it. And I want to care that much about all these people. I want to - really, I do. But it’s so exhausting.” He can feel another sob building in the back of his throat. “It never ends, their pain. And when they come in here I don’t know what to say to them. I don’t know how to help. I’m useless.” He has that wild thought again, that reckless, wits’-end thought, that maybe it’d have been better if his bookshop stayed burned. “All I can think about are these stupid books.” 

And he sobs again, and again, and leans against the window like it’s a lifeboat keeping him above a flood. Like it’s another little raft that keeps him from harm when the humans around him are drowning. 

“I don’t know how to help,” he sobs. “I’ve been here six thousand years and I don’t know how to help them.” 

And he feels so weak, so pale and fragile here in this place that’s supposed to bring him joy, that he barely notices when Crowley touches him once more. When Crowley’s fingers press to his cheek again, turning his face, slowly, tenderly toward him. 

“Aziraphale,” he says, quiet. “Look at me.” 

Reluctantly Aziraphale raises his eyes. Crowley’s sunglasses are off. His golden serpent’s eyes are on full display, spread without whites around them. They’re filled with something Aziraphale can’t quite name. 

“You’re not a bad angel,” Crowley says. “No one should be forced to carry the whole world’s suffering. That’s too heavy a weight for anyone.”

“I could be doing it better,” Aziraphale mutters. “I could be - I don’t know - I could be rescuing people from war zones. I could be going out distributing food to the hungry. I could be miracling jobs for every underemployed family. I could be out shouting down bigoted preachers - in fact I could have been doing that for hundreds of years, as they don’t seem to be getting any less bigoted as time goes by. I could have used some divine miracle to stop the Inquisition, if I’d caught it in time, if I’d been more vigilant. I could have stopped the Terror.” 

“You can’t possibly blame yourself for every terrible thing humans have done to each other.”

“What else can I think? They commend you. They ought to have punished me.”

“Come on.” Crowley tilts Aziraphale’s chin up. “We both knew they were idiots for thinking I started the Terror and the Inquisition. We both knew it wasn’t possible for a single demon to do that much damage. How can anyone have expected a single angel to stop it?” 

“So many people died.”

“People die, Aziraphale. It’s what they do.” Crowley moves his hand to the back of Aziraphale’s neck, still gentle. “It’s not your fault.” 

Tears are running more freely, now, from Aziraphale’s eyes. “But it’s my mission -”

“Was your mission.” Crowley’s thumb runs over Aziraphale’s damp cheek. “It was a terrible mission, given to you by angels who didn’t care about you. It was a mission that just set you up to be a disappointment. But you’re free now.” 

“And what am I supposed to do?” Aziraphale wants to pull away, but he doesn’t have the strength anymore. He needs Crowley’s hands. He needs his breath. He needs his comfort, pathetic creature that he is. “I want to help. I want to be good. I don’t want to spend another six thousand years here not making a difference to anyone.”

And Crowley smiles, a smile so slow and so easy and so tender it’s like watching the dawn break in the sky. 

“Angel,” he says. “You’re an idiot.” 

Aziraphale blinks. 

“You know I’m a demon, right?” Crowley nods down at himself. “You know not a single person in six thousand years has ever been kind to me, except for you?” 

Aziraphale glances away, cheeks going red. Crowley’s exaggerating. Though his earnest expression, the way he ducks his head to make eye contact again, belies any sort of teasing intent. 

“You gave me hope in goodness again,” Crowley said. “When you gave away your sword. That’s not nothing, is it?”

“I…”

“You think you haven’t mattered? Angel, you’ve mattered to me for all six thousand years you’ve been on this planet. You’ve mattered more than the sun. You’ve mattered so much you convinced me to stop Armageddon, and it’s not because you were some grand warrior out fighting injustice. I met enough of those types in Heaven.” Crowley jerks his head, as if to dismiss the legions of God’s army in a single gesture. “It was because you loved.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Loved, not the way they talked about in Heaven - not the way they meant it when they said God’s made of love.” Crowley takes Aziraphale’s face in both hands and holds it steady. “Listen to me. You loved because things brought you joy. Because you were happy, in this world, and that was incredible to me.” 

Aziraphale hiccups. It’s hard for him to keep his mind on the gaping chasm in his gut when Crowley is looking at him like that. When Crowley is holding him so near, and still smiling that close, loving smile. 

“You’re an idiot,” Crowley murmurs. “You’re so good, angel, and you’re a light in this world without even trying to be one. You have no idea how much happiness you can bring just by loving books. It’s not wrong to be the way you are.” 

“Oh, Crowley -”

“Shh.” Crowley draws Aziraphale in, wrapping his arms around him and fitting his head against the crook of his neck. “Hey. It’s all right to cry. Get it out.” 

And Aziraphale cries; he stops trying to maintain his soldier’s stance and leans fully into Crowley, letting Crowley support him. Crowley pets his hair. The feeling is so nice, so wonderfully soothing; he shouldn’t enjoy it, he shouldn’t be thinking about Crowley when he’s supposed to be thinking about the world, but somehow he can’t help it. 

Maybe Crowley’s right. Maybe he doesn’t have to.

“The world needs people like you,” says Crowley. “So you aren’t a warrior. Who needs another force for violence anyway? Humanity’s better off with you watching over them than anyone else.” 

“You really think so?”

Crowley pulls back, and his lips meet Aziraphale’s, softly, so softly. Aziraphale can’t help the smile that blooms in his mouth at Crowley’s touch. 

“I know so,” he says. 

For a long moment they stand in silence, Aziraphale taking slow, steadying breaths, Crowley with his arms still around him, rubbing soothing circles into his back. For a long moment Aziraphale works to let go of the shame he let overcome him.

Then the bookshop’s doors jingle again, and the two of them break apart.

Aziraphale’s eyes widen. Someone else has entered the shop, someone he doesn’t recognize - a young girl, a teenager, with short dyed hair and large earrings. She looks a little small for her clothes, like she’s shrinking into herself, like she’s lost. It takes her a moment to turn her head in their direction.

When she does, her gaze drops immediately to their joined hands, before she looks up at their faces. Aziraphale catches the trace of a smile in hers.

“Hello,” he says, voice still wobbling slightly. “My apologies. I was just - ah - well, I’d been having a hard morning, and my -” 

He looks over at Crowley, who gives him an encouraging look.

His eyes move back to the girl, and he reads the lost look in her shoulders with hardly any need for a miracle - came out to her parents, they’re not pleased, she left the house to clear her head, but she doesn’t know what’ll be waiting for her when she comes home. 

“My partner,” he says, voice a little stronger, “was giving me some good advice.”

The girl’s smile widens into something more substantial. “Uh. No problem.” 

“Would you like to - er - look at a book?”

“He doesn’t like it when you buy them,” Crowley stage-whispers to her. “Just look and put them back, though, and you’ll be fine. And don’t get any smudges on the covers.”

The girl lets out a tentative laugh. “That’d be great. I’m just… looking for some light reading, you know.” 

Suddenly the spark of an idea enters Aziraphale’s head. With a little bounce in his step, suddenly, he disentangles himself from Crowley and moves toward a particular shelf, beckoning the girl to follow him.

“How do you feel about classical poetry?” he asks. 

She shrugs. “I don’t know much about it.” 

“Well, there’s a delightful poet from ancient Greece I think you might like. I’ve got a book of her work around here somewhere…” 

Crowley watches from the window as Aziraphale rummages happily through the volumes. The girl is starting to relax, peering over Aziraphale’s shoulder to see what he’s looking for. Aziraphale can feel the bright grin growing on his cheeks, but he can’t stop it. And he doesn’t want to. It’s been a long time since he’s had the chance to talk about Sappho. 

Tonight, when the shop closes again, Aziraphale resolves, he’s going to take Crowley out for dinner. 

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 502

Watched this episode after winning Wynonna Earp trivia (fuck yeah, The Shit Tickets!) at a bar, put on by a queer af podcast, followed by going to see a queer af movie, and was all ready to get my Beauchamp fix... And it was like oh here’s a taste and a hint that we’re gonna end up in a story line similar to what we’ve already done multiple times, but now on to the menfolk.

For real though, this episode was like an OL greatest hits clip show. It had all the stuff we’ve seen before. A time traveler who wants to go home? Check. Rape PTSD? Check. A man being a dad to a kid who isn’t/might not be his? Check. That same man being the absolute worst? Check. Claire being reckless with future medicine? Check. Townsfolk questioning Claire’s medical knowledge in favor of the local Man of Importance? Check. Jamie trying to be on both sides at once? Check. A villain who seemed to have died the previous season and should have fucking stayed dead? Check.

We’ve literally seen all of this stuff before.

For a show that spent the first part of season two claiming to be a political drama and then last season claiming that they “weren’t political” I see we’re back to just leaning hard into politics that have direct parallels today.

No fucks left to give about the system Murtz is kind of my favorite Murtz. Like this dude spent his whole life living by a code and an oath and was fucked over by the system so many fucking times that he’s ready to just burn it all down. Curious to see how they walk the domestic terrorist vs. freedom fighter line with him for the rest of the season.

Got all excited about the bread title card because yay medicinal mold, but of course, the lead character was relegated to the B story.

Old timey medicine baffles me. Like the fact that bleeding someone was like a catchall remedy boggles the mind.

I feel rull bad for Mrs. Whoeverthefuck though. She tried.

Also, shit like this makes me be like, yo Claire, you sure you wanna stay here? Jamie’s really not all that and a bag of chips. But you do you, boo.

Speaking of Jamie, his hair looks really good. A thousand fruit baskets to the new wig person.

Lulz at Knox thinking the Gathering was about being loyal to king and country. Dummy.

Srsly though, Murtz Valmurtz is really getting under their skin. Is he like the *only* Regulator leader?

The convo between Knox and Jamie is literally as relevant today as it is in the 1770s. But yeah, the show IsN’t PoLiTiCaL.

The fact that fuckers think those at the bottom should be happy with their lot because “lol it could be worse” need to be punched in the face and taken out of power. Stat.

Also any time someone in power talks about civility as a reason not to rise up against injustice, I want to punch them. Because they deserve it.

I want to punch a lot of things.

This whole episode is very Les Mis, tbh.

Literalol at Claire covering dead guy’s face and not his body cavity before Bree comes in.

Aw Bree, why you gotta be a buzzkill? We were cheated of badass Doctor!Claire in S3. Let us have this.

Also, yeah, Claire, Bree’s fucking right. Which you’d think you’d know by now what with alL THE FUCKING TIMES YOU’VE BEEN CALLED A WITCH. AND NOW YOU’RE UPPING YOUR GAME TO LIKE NECROMANCY?!

Also the more she says no one will find out the more annoying it is because *clearly* someone *is* gonna find out and we’re gonna be back on the “she’s a witch!” “I’m not a witch!” “you literally have a dead guy in your closet!” merry-go-round again.

Today in most on-the-nose shots ever: How convenient that Marsali just happens to be doing some butchering right there, right then.

Petition for the show to go full Shondaland and just turn into a backwoods medical drama with Claire and Marsali, and all the others (cough the men cough) can fuck on off.

Tarring and feathering is like the old timey version of #AlwaysPunchAFascist but dialed to 11.

Oh the baggage behind Jamie saying redcoat man will someday wear his scars with honor that none of these fuckers know about...

Ok so clearly the English know that Claire’s a doctor so whenever shit hits the witchy dead dude fan, can we please have a quick resolution and not that dumb af “Claire goes to jail and of course her cellmate is a lesbian because Diana sucks at writing queer characters” nonsense?

Man Jamie is *not* subtle with this convo at the jail. Like Knox is right there and he’s just like hey buddies, I have people and we’re Scottish and y’know how we feel about protecting people vs. obeying the English.

I AM SPARTACUS FITZGIBBONS!

Aaand, naturally, the fuckwit preaching civility is the one to kill a man in cold blood. Rise up, motherfuckers. Rise up.

THANK FUCK ROGER IS A TERRIBLE SHOT BECAUSE IF THAT SQUIRREL DIED I WOULD LEGIT QUIT THE SHOW. RUN AWAY AND BE FREEEEEE YOU PRECIOUS LIL WILDERNESS FLOOFER!

Roger is, and I cannot stress this enough, the fucking worst.

He’s like look how shitty I am at being a soldier but then bitches about having to try to learn. And then he bitches about how dumb it is to shoot at squirrels as if being able to hit a squirrel wouldn’t make hitting a much larger thing, like a man who is shooting back at you, that much easier. And also, how the fuck does he think they get meat to eat? Shooting it, you twatwaffle.

And he’s like so fucking butthurt about being left behind. Like no shit, asshat. You’re bad at being in the past and have made no real effort and you whine a lot and are generally the worst. Of *course* you were left behind. Stop being emo about it and maybe actually try.

“He doesn’t respect me, Bree.” Yeah, no shit. Because you’ve done LITERALLY NOTHING to earn his respect. WHY ARE YOU SO TERRIBLE IT’S LIKE THEY’RE INTENTIONALLY TRYING TO MAKE HIM SUCK.

He also is like butthurt that his wife is a better shot than him when she gets the turkey he misses. How the fuck are we supposed to ship this. Ugh.

#BreeDeservesBetter

Oh Bree, sweetie, Jem won’t get hit by a car, but there are like eleventy million ways to die in the past. Just stick with the “you want to stay with your family” stuff.

Roger clearly doesn’t want to stay and is gonna pull a Fred and make Bree feel bad about wanting to all season, isn’t he. Fahkin’ doucherocket.

“I want to go but I’ll stay for you and look how magnanimous I am as I whine about it and make no effort to acclimate to the time.” Take your martyr card and shove it, Rog.

Shorter Jamie Fraser: “If you stand for nothing, Knox, what’ll you fall for?”

I’m already over Roger singing all the time tbh. Mostly because it reminds me that soon he won’t be able to do that anymore and we’re gonna be subjected to like half a season of him being more insufferable than he already is.

Wait, was Joan already born last episode? Or was there another time jump? Is Marsali preggers with baby #3? I lost track.

I love this scene between Claire and Marsali with my whole heart. Marsali especially.

CAN WE PLEASE JUST HAVE A WHOLE SHOW OF THESE TWO BEING ALL BADASS AND DOCTORY TOGETHER!?

Although, quick question, how fucking long is Claire planning to keep that un-embalmed body lying around in an un-refrigerated surgery/root cellar? Just curious...

Because you know someone’s gonna find it eventually and that’s gonna be a whole to do and I really need to stop being preemptively annoyed at plot lines that haven’t actually happened yet.

And with all this talk of plowshares and swords, I really am going to be singing Les Mis for days...

How long have these biddies been living on the Ridge? The fucking Leoch folks spent like a minute with Claire before they were like yep, she knows what’s up. These folks have apparently been here for months and are like loool, pass. They live in the fucking woods. You’d think they’d be more open to Claire’s brand of medicine.

Omg are they like the accidental antivaxxers of the Ridge?

#VaccinateYourFuckingKids

I mean, Bree, I think there’s some difference between Claire pretending to be a dude doc and telling folks to wash their hands and Otter Tooth.

Season 2 Claire and Otter Tooth on the other hand...

Ok so Jamie needs more men so that means next week is AHS: Beardsley Farm and then maybe (hopefully) instead of being like lol jk you can all go home, it actually goes right into the battle thing. Still not sure if they’re gonna do Roger getting hanged as the mid-season big thingy and then do the Bonnet nonsense in the back half or keep trying to do both of those at once.

Hey, Roger, pro-tip, next time you see Morag MacKenzie, maybe don’t fuCKING MAKE OUT WITH HER YOU FUCKING DUMBASS.

Claire’s totally right about how they should go back. Honestly, they should. But instead of talking with her like Claire is now with Roger, he’s just being all moody about how he’s bad at the past and wants to go back. You’re shooting yourself in the foot, broski.

Oh hey Husband the Quaker. And is that a fellow Quaker named Hunter with him? Are we gonna get Denny and Rachel this season?! Please and thank you that’d be great, I love them.

Murtz talking to his squad is full on Enjolras being like don’t worry fam, Marius will stand and fight with us. His place is there, he’ll fight with you.

The two very different but very similar ways Murtz and Jamie approach being Laird of their squads is fun to explore.

Bree lecturing Claire about changing the future by saving a few backwater hicks like Claire didn’t spend years trying to fucking change all of Scottish history is a bit rich. Like writers, we get it, you’re trying to be like oh snap, wait for the consequences of this bread!science! But like come the fuck on. We sat through all of season two.

“You’re a good dad, you know that?” Oh man, I’m getting that déjà vu about a shitty man getting kudos for being a good dad to a kid as if that negates all of his shittiness.

Oh hey, Bonnet’s back. Clearly we couldn’t have just let him die last season. Gotta drag shit on for longer than it has to. This is the [Outlander] Way.

If they were gonna keep him around as a villain, they shouldn’t have (in addition to all the other reasons) included him raping Bree. Jamie, Murtagh and Bonnet all making choices within and outside of the law to various degrees in order to make their living in the Colonies would be a really interesting contrast. But nope, gotta just go all in. BeCaUsE tHe BoOk.

Also I hate with the passion of a thousand fiery suns the Jemmy’s paternity stuff. Le sigh.

Remember in season one when the show was about Claire and she was in episodes for longer than 10 minutes?

I miss Claire.

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs Tiger King 

“I think it would be fair to say that Carole is the Mother Teresa of cats” now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear

“I’d never been a person who had friends” statements like this always perplex me because surely there had to be ONE other person in however long you quantify childhood that you identified with. Like not one whole ass person? You’re not the only person who loves cats Carole

The juxtaposition between Carole Baskin’s “Animal Print for Animal Rights” and Joe Exotic’s “Tiger King underwear is our bestseller” is poetic cinema

Okay this isn’t a reflection of my opinions on this man but I Saw a Tiger is a good country ballad there I said it 

“When I first met Joe, I was like a month out of high school” well that’s not good

[Joe Exotic voice] Some people have tigers to cope

Doc Antle has only been on screen for 30 seconds and already he has made himself memorable by directing the film crew

Is Bhagavan Antle Indian in some way or did he just have a really intense Eat Pray Love journey with his guru

Also is he really a doctor orrrrrrrrr

“I am out there in the forefront so known of being this guy that is in love with big cats and has them love him back” please don’t tell me this guy does anything weird to his animals

“People only care about saving what affects them” 

“You can’t put a price on holding a baby tiger” but you did and apparently it’s $625 

The fact that multiple tigers have had albinism is probably a sign of major inbreeding practices at these zoos

You know, even if I ate meat*, there is no way I would be able to handle any kind of early prep stage of it bc seeing these cow carcasses is A Lot

*If u r reading this I don’t care if u eat meat leave me alone

“Animals just wasn’t enough, okay? So then I started adding magic” well that took an unexpected turn

I don’t know if it’s for real fair to criticize every person who has brought a big cat out in a public venue/talk show because I know at least like Dave Sal/moni is always going “THESE ANIMALS MAKE TERRIBLE PETS” 

As a sidenote from what I understand this Saff person keeps being deadnamed/misgendered throughout this documentary and I do not appreciate it 

“I grew up a professional cowboy in a family of professional cowboys” every sentence on this show is a journey

WHO is letting their ONE-YEAR-OLD lay on top of a tiger cub I know you’re at a zoo but BRUH

“It’s going to be a small Waco” to say this ON THE NEWS

This 2 minute stretch of episode is all the PSA anyone ever needs to never own a gun

Well I think we can all agree that PETA is a fucking mess

God this is like battle of the people who are terrible at doing anything good for animals

“What do you carry that gun for?” “People” AHHHHHHHHHHH?!?!!!!?!?

“I sleep with an AK-47 under my mattress, loaded, ready to roll” WILL SOMEONE HELP THE U.S. OF A

I was warned about this show and yet I was still not prepared for the level of UNHINGED it would be 

How in the FUCK does a place like this not have an on-site medic

“Why don’t you come back on another day” he said, after telling the public an employee had his arm taken off 

“I am never gonna financially recover from this” SURE JOE THIS IS ABOUT YOU

To go back to work a WEEK after getting your arm amputated... BRUH

“Any law that you think’s unfair or unjustice, it is your obligation, it is your responsibility to stand up against that bullshit law” well Thomas Jefferson was a slaveowner so clearly the injustice thing was relative for him

Traditionally don’t drug addictions fuel people choosing extreme paths with their life rather than the other way around? 

JKHGKJHGKJH this whole exchange:

Interviewer: What kind of doctor is he?

Maria: Mystical science.

Interviewer: Mystical science?

Maria, nodding: Yeah.

“How many wives does Doc Antle have?” I didn’t expect this but somehow it tracks

I’m gonna bet none of these people with subcontinental names have a single bit of South Asian heritage like okay “Moksha” and “Rajnee” did Bhagavan name you

On a more serious note: It’s really fucked up that these men keep meeting literal teenagers, making them their employees, and then also get into relationships with them. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough THIS IS NOT GOOD OR HEALTHY

It’s pretty weird that Doc Antle keeps emphasizing so frequently that one of his partners is Italian 

“I’m gonna go be a yoga animal trainer” ah, white people bullshit

“Goodbye. Don’t fall in love with your boss.” Good advice, Dad

I was not expecting all this subcontinental imagery to get under my skin this badly but what’s your problem dude can’t u be normal for like a second 

“You’re this garbage person, but if you listen to me, I’ll make you great” again this tracks but gross

Again, on a more serious note: if a partner ever talks to you this way please call a domestic abuse hotline 

Not that India is at all in a good place right now but I personally ban Doc Antle from ever entering India. Banned. Forever. I will not be accepting constructive criticism at this time

“I didn’t really know any better” is a really good way of summarizing what all of these younger partners have been through

Wow Carole is really explaining this abuse issue succinctly 

Antle’s indignation at being implied to be a cult leader despite the fact he is most definitely a cult leader

Joe’s story in his documentary is constantly “is this going to be a humanizing moment PSYCH it’s still terrible”

HOW IS THIS LEGAL PAY YOUR WORKERS A LIVING WAGE

Why is this husband-killing thing JUST A FOOTNOTE AT THE END OF THIS EPISODE OH MY GOD

We have deviated so far from the tiger thing oh my god

Why is the only man in this documentary who is faithful to his spouse the man that smuggled drugs inside of snakes

Every time I learn a new thing about a person in this documentary I have to reorient myself

This whole episode has been about this murder and I’m concerned that its title, “The Secret,” hasn’t even been revealed yet

GOD I take back what I said about I Saw Tiger, the concept of this song/music video for Here Kitty Kitty is so disturbing that this man deserves no credit whatsoever as a musician 

CAROLE WHY ARE YOU GIGGLING ABOUT THE MEAT GRINDER IT’S NOT FUNNY

Well I don’t have much to say about this episode other than yikes

I guess if you’re really out to spite someone stealing their brand and posting exactly the opposite of everything they stand for is an effective if weird and petty way to do it

Do you think the whole throne footage moment was a “Frankenstein realizing what he has wrought” kind of thing for Kirkham

This is really like watching a sports game of two teams you can’t stand except the sport is murder and other miscellaneous crime

If we’re all being real with ourselves the documentary filmmakers themselves MUST have had some issues going on to be able to walk into this situation and not do anything about it

This series really seems to present a compelling case for why every major figure in this documentary has potentially committed at least one terrible crime

Ah there’s the judgment from the woman in Florida I guess it’s two crimes with one stone

God these poor animals they do not deserve anything happening to them

While obviously people are enticed by the prospect of someone they’re into having an animal JUST GET AN ALREADY DOMESTICATED ANIMAL LIKE DOMESTICATED CATS AND DOGS EXIST OH MY GOD DO NOT USE EXOTIC PETS AS DATE BAIT

 It has been so long since we heard about Travis ngl I already forgot about him 

Why is every single person in this show SO OFF THE WALLS I mean I know why but also WHY

This documentary is also a treatise in the flaws of the U.S. prison system and how it sets up people up to fail or re-offend upon release

Take a shot every time a middle-aged man in this show mentions that he casually bought himself a big cat as a teen

“Joe was the entertainment director.... by title” I don’t think this was meant to be a burn but what a burn

I am almost certain I WATCHED that Last Week Tonight episode during that election and if u told me that 4-5 years later I would be rewatching that clip in a documentary about this man’s journey to being convicted for murder then I cannot say I wouldn’t be surprised but I would probably believe it 

Also I have to wonder what John Oliver thinks about being part of this 

[“Beyonce?” voice] Shaun Majumder?

Sidenote: Until this exact moment I thought of Shaun Majumder as Ben Mulroney even though Brian Mulroney is white as hell I guess I have faceblindness but only for Canadian talkshow personalities

I have been aware of this before now but the fact you can buy a GUN at a Walmart what in the FUCK is U.S.A. doing

Man does this campaign manager really want to take ownership of anything Joe Exotic has ever done

Ngl I was wondering why someone who had at one point clearly had a lot of money seemed to have such poor dental care access but meth certainly does explain it

I mean people can be attracted to both men and women (hello) but since Joe was fuelling their drug addictions since they were teenagers attraction is at best a null factor and at worst an added layer of terrible to this whole mess

It’s hard to even respond to this in a meaningful way because this is so fucked up. Don’t own guns.

“That was a big fucking mistake,” he said, right after someone explained that he was driving large groups of people in an enclosed space in a busy city with wild animals that could maim or kill them

Padlock penls piercing really does not seem like a first date bombshell

“We went to dinner and he never went home” well if that doesn’t set you with a sense of foreboding

TWO MONTHS AFTER WHAT IN THE HELL OH MY GOD also I hope Dillon is okay

“It wasn’t about the animals anymore” you THINK

“It was sort of funny when they started but it’s gotten really dark” how meta

Of all the reasons Joe could’ve abandoned his zoo, I really didn’t think embezzlement would be what pushed him

“He won’t tell anyone where he’s at, not even me,” said Dial, with no acknowledgement of the fact that Joe is also theoretically still married and would maybe tell his husband???

Oh Dillon spotted??? Yikes get out dude

Take a shot every time a white person who really doesn’t understand where the word “karma” comes from starts talking about karma as if it is the Law of Revenge

The fact this man brings a film crew out with him while he’s on the run evading a federal investigation..... incomprehensible

“Joe just wanted to put it in somebody’s name and continue to be the tiger queen, I mean king,” really REALLY of all the reasons to object to Joe you’re going to choose homophobia wow

Is this about an attempt to have someone murdered or does something happen to Baskin it is very unclear

This documentary has an interesting format of switching focus from crime to crime to crime 

“I’ve never been as proud of being married to anyone as I am being married to you” It’s weird to compliment your husband by comparing him to all your other husbands

How is the lesson for Jeff Lowe in this “let’s build another zoo” surely at that point it’s better to just cut your losses

[Garretson voice]: You should pay me for being a bro, dude

“I’m a libertarian, so technically, fuck the Feds,” I’ve never heard an intonation that better suits a conservative millennial 

I mean I don’t think it was advisable but honestly why are people surprised Joe took the stand isn’t delusions of grandeur kind of his thing

Sometimes it’s just that they’ve added in other moments to break up the awful immoral crimes with just run of the mill douchebaggery like the nanny/gym thing huh

I guess the silver lining in this is that potentially these big cat zoos will shut down but like where do these animals who have been raised in captivity go??? I don’t trust anyone in this documentary to not exploit them in some way ugh 

“Not a single animal benefited from this war,” correct, Saff

“I was wrapped up in having a zoo,” not really an excuse but ok

[kindredspiritsarentsorare]

Entirely Impossible: Chapter 1

*Here it is! Post Episode 6! I edited and updated it into a longer fic! I’ll be posting all the chapters separately as they will hopefully also be stand alone one shots. Enjoy and hopefully we won’t all be clowns tomorrow night!*

Anne was furious, livid, enraged. She was so angry she couldn’t even think of any other synonyms for her anger. How could her classmates so easily dismiss Josie’s ruin? Anne couldn’t work on an entry for the paper, not when something so unfair, so wholly wrong, something so... so unjust had happened. She had to do something. Clearly no one else was going to .

Something must be done. But what? What could she do? She couldn’t even bake a cake properly. But surely there must be something. She couldn’t just sit by, she knew that much. 

Anne slowly sat down, but she did not begin to write. She merely sat and thought. She watched everyone else writing and happily discussing quilts and caramel apples and the fortune teller from the fair. Ruby and Moody were exchanging blushing glances. Gilbert worked at the printing press and when Anne caught herself staring at the way his forearms looked with his shirt sleeves rolled up she pointedly pulled her gaze away. She would not indulge in her crush on Gilbert Blythe ever again. She would not gaze at his forearms. She would not notice the way the wind from the open window ruffled his brown curls. She would not grace him with a returned smile when he caught her looking at him. She would crush these feelings as far down inside her as she could. 

All of this seems so trivial, Anne thought. Just like how the balloon had given her some perspective on that horrid day, Josie’s situation gave Anne new perspective on the small joys in life and how trivial they truly were compared to Josie’s ruined reputation. Her entire future was ruined by something she had not even consented to. How can the world keep turning when something so unjust has happened? How could Anne ever enjoy anything small and simple again when such grand injustices were happening everyday all across the globe?

Anne didn’t notice everyone cleaning up and heading home until the voice of Gilbert Blythe drew her out of her thoughts. 

“Anne,” He repeated.

Anne looked up. He was gazing at her intently. She felt color rise to her cheeks. 

“Anne?” Gilbert asked again, eyebrows furrowing in concern.

“What?” Anne asked rather sharply.

Gilbert winced slightly at the venom in her voice. His feelings still stung from her earlier attack. But Anne Shirley-Cuthbert was a passionate individual and this wasn’t the first time her passions had manifested themselves as anger towards Gilbert. Gilbert knew he needed to tread carefully otherwise he’d end up with a slate cracked against his face again. Gilbert wasn’t certain what had changed recently, but something most definitely had changed between them over the last few weeks. They had been getting along really well since he’d returned from sea. But now everything seemed immensely more complicated and ever since the fair Anne had only looked at Gilbert with glowers. 

“I was only going to tell you that we’re all leaving for the evening,” Gilbert said, trying to read what was written in Anne’s face. 

When Anne only glared at him in response Gilbert cleared his throat awkwardly. 

“I, uh, also told everyone to save the hot air balloon piece for you to write. I know it was your favorite part.” Gilbert said hopefully.

“How gracious of you,” Anne said coldly, “But I cannot write about such trivial things when someone’s future has been ruined.”

She stood and began gathering her things, pointedly ignoring the confused furrowing of Gilbert’s brow and ignoring his chin. There was nothing that handsome about it after all. She had been mistaken when she thought otherwise. She could feel Gilbert’s eyes on her back as she gathered her books.

“I only thought you would enjoy writing about it once you had calmed down a bit,” Gilbert said, beginning to feel heated, “But clearly I was wrong. No surprise there.”

When Anne ignored him again Gilbert felt anger bubble up in his chest. If she was going to be mad at him and take everything out on him she could at least explain why. Surely that wasn’t too much to ask. 

“Anne I don’t understand what has caused you to lash out at me so. I understand you are angry but at least tell me why if you’re going to take it out on me!” Gilbert exclaimed.

“What has caused me to lash out at you?! Really!?” Anne rounded on him, eyes blazing, “I should be asking you what has caused you to become a coward!”

Gilbert’s jaw dropped. A coward!? What on earth was she talking about. But Anne continued before he could ask any more. 

“You only thought I would enjoy writing about the balloons once I had a moment to calm down. Well I suppose everyone wished I would calm down but I will not! I will not be silenced. You, of all people, I thought would be on my side! You are standing by and watching injustice happen! I only thought you might stand up for Josie, too! I have never known you to be passive and dull, Gilbert Blythe. But clearly I was the one who was wrong!” 

Anne’s chest was heaving and she glowered at Gilbert with such fierceness that Gilbert felt as though he had been struck. Perhaps the slate would have been a better alternative to the way Anne looked at him now. 

“Wrong about me? Passive and dull? I am grateful to hear you think so little of me. As if your previous actions hadn’t been clear enough. Thank you for making it perfectly clear just how you truly feel about me. I really needed to hear this. I am sorry I seem to measure up so pathetically compared to your lofty ideals!” Gilbert seethed.

“Oh yes! Of course! My ideals are so very lofty! Imagine me thinking you would take up arms for Josie after you know what happened to Mary! You know how Elijah was conceived. I suppose as long as you’re living up to the standards of courting then everything is just fine and you don’t have to concern yourself otherwise! I have been so foolish!” Anne could never remember being so angry and hurt before. 

Gilbert shook his head and let out an exasperated breath.

“What on earth does courting have to do with anything!?” He exclaimed.

“Oh nothing!” Anne said shrilly, “Just that I never imagined you the time to forget who you were the moment you gained the attention of a woman. When this could have happened to her, or me, or anyone else. Josie could have ended up like Mary and Elijah and you expect me to write about balloons!? I will not! I will not write a word about balloons until justice has been restored! I won’t write...” Suddenly Anne stopped and looked stricken.

“Write. I can write!” She murmured almost to herself and then she turned on her heel and practically flew from the schoolhouse. 

Anne did not pay attention to the few people left in the coat room who were whispering and looking wide-eyed at the row that had been ensuing between her and Gilbert Blythe. 

Gilbert couldn’t think straight. What on earth had Anne been talking about? Him being a coward? Courting? And she had just bolted from the building as if she couldn’t get away from him fast enough. He shook his head trying to make sense of everything. Why did Anne always have to be so... so difficult... so complicated. 

Gilbert sighed and looked up only to meet Diana’s eyes. She was looking at him with furrowed brow. Great. Now he’d made a spectacle of himself in front of the Avonlea school. Diana had always been friendly with Gilbert, however over the last week she had seemed almost cross with him. 

“Diana, I, I must confess I don’t know what just happened or why Anne is so angry with me,” Gilbert said pleadingly.

“No, no I expect you don’t,” Diana said with a sigh. 

“Do you? Know, I mean?” Gilbert asked, “I want to make amends with Anne, but I can’t seem to get it right no matter what I do. I don’t even understand why she is so angry with me.”

“I know a great deal, of course,” Diana said slowly, “But I expect much of it is not mine to share with you.” 

Gilbert’s heart sunk, Diana was his only hope of understanding what was going on. But she would never betray Anne’s trust.

“Of course, I would never want you to betray Anne’s trust.” Gilbert said and preparing to exit the coat room.

“Well,” Diana said, “I suppose I could tell you something.” Diana said slowly as if she were weighing the choice heavily.

Gilbert turned and looked at Diana hopefully.

“Anne is most upset with you at present because she feels as though you are ignoring the injustice that has befallen Josie Pye. She expected you would be making a fuss about what Billy Andrews has done. She feels terribly alone in her standing up for Josie. I expect she is very hurt that everyone seems not to care at all about it.” Diana said, her words were careful and Gilbert got the feeling that this was only part of the reason Anne was mad at him.

“And this is the reason she is angry with me?” Gilbert asked, searching Diana’s face for answers.

“Well, the reason she is most angry with you,” Diana clarified.

“There are other reasons?” Gilbert asked, furrowing his brow.

“That’s not my story to tell, Gilbert.” Diana said gently and then turned as if to leave.

“I am not ignoring the injustice of what happened to Josie,” Gilbert said suddenly and Diana turned to look at Gilbert. 

“I just don’t see the point in screaming about it and causing a scene. It won’t change what happened. My thought process was the sooner this talk all died down the sooner what happened would be forgotten by Avonlea and the sooner Josie could come back.”

Diana nodded, “Yes, I see where you’re coming from,” Diana agreed, “It would be easy if only Avonlea would forget, but I fear they won’t. This... it’s different I expect. And it is unfair that what happened to Josie wasn’t by her choice and that she still has to pay penance for it.”

“Of course it isn’t fair, but continuing to draw attention to it will only make Josie’s shame grow and Avonlea less likely to forget about what happened.” Gilbert said. 

“Perhaps you should tell Anne that. I think she has misunderstood your silence on the matter as you defending Billy Andrews.” Diana said.

“I would never!” Gilbert exclaimed, “Billy is disgusting and his actions were, were, disgusting.”

“Maybe you should tell Anne that,” Diana said

[miasswier]

miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 14

14: Original Song

Written by: Ryan Murphy Directed by: Bradley Buecker

Overall Thoughts: I feel like not putting this episode in my top ten is probably an unpopular opinion. Honestly, I love this episode, but the amount of Finn/Rachel/Quinn that I’m forced to sit through is exhausting. Literally everything else is awesome, though. It’s funny, it’s serious, and it’s a great ensemble episode. Also, Klaine.

What I Like:

I love all the original songs! I love the shitty ones, I love the good ones… I wish they’d done more original songs instead of just forgetting about them after “New York”

Klaine is basically the main plot of this episode, and I love that. I really, really, love that.

The Brittana scene at their lockers is awesome and cute, and then turns to hilarious so quickly as soon as Sue gets involved.

Sue literally throwing sticks at Mercedes head is so immature and ridiculous.

I really like that the episode opened with a musical number! This is actually one of the few episodes where there’s just a shit ton of musical numbers and I actually think it works. I can’t think of any song I would remove from this episode (usually I can think of at least two). It just works.

Fuck “Trouty Mouth” makes me laugh so goddamn hard. I also love how after, when Puck starts singing his song, Santana turns to Sam like “what the fuck” and he just throws it back in her face. God, they could have been the absolute best frenemies. It’s too bad Glee didn’t give them that much to work with.

“Hell to the No” is amazing as a song, as a performance, and also because it gives us the first hints of Samcedes (YES I KNOW I’M REACHING HERE LEAVE ME ALONE)

I LOVE the “Blackbird” performance. Kurt is so gorgeous in his mourning outfit, and the way he is genuinely upset about losing Pavoratti is so sweet. The fact that Blaine is the first one to jump in with the back-up has always made me happy, especially since it’s the first time we actually see Blaine doing back-up vocals. And then, Blaine’s face as he realizes that he actually wants to be with Kurt, that he wants to give it a shot, that screw just being friends and screw worrying about screwing it up, being with Kurt is worth it. UGH. I LOVE THIS SCENE.

The Klaine kiss scene, which I can still literally recite from memory that’s how many fucking times I’ve watched it.

Considering how much Kurt was about “the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets” one episode ago, he sure as fuck dives in fast for that second kiss.

I do really like the scene where Rachel is writing “Get It Right”. Breaks my heart.

Rachel getting MVP. I wish they had kept this tradition up, but I’m also fully aware that Rachel and Finn would have literally won every single one of those awards, so I’m also kind of glad they didn’t.

“We got each other out of all this. That means a lot more than some lousy trophy, don’t you think?” JUST STAB ME RIGHT IN THE HEART.

The short scene before the Warblers go out between Kurt and Blaine.

What I Don’t Like:

Look, I don’t want to get too into details about this, because I feel like I have fully expressed my frustration with the Quinn/Finn/Rachel love triangle over the past 106 reviews, so all I will say is this: the fact that they took Kurt and Blaine’s first duet as a couple and made it about the Quinn/Finn/Rachel drama makes my blood boil to this very fucking day.

Also, this is more a frustration about Rachel than it is about the whole Fuinchel shit, but why is it that Rachel literally cannot feel good about herself unless she is putting somebody else down? It’s not enough for her to be a good singer, she has to be better than Mercedes, Kurt, and Santana. It’s not enough that Finn loves her, she has to go out of her way to remind everyone that Finn chose her over Quinn. It’s like it matters more that she beat Quinn than it does that Finn wanted to be with her. It’s SO annoying. And Quinn is right: it’s a sign of immaturity, and it’s too bad they didn’t really let her mature from this until like, season six.

The fact that Finn acted like he spoke for the entire Glee club when he said that they should do original songs, implying that everyone agreed because Finn agreed to it, not because Quinn agreed to it, which is really why they were all down for it. It’s particularly annoying considering he acted like nobody would agree with him if he’d stood up for Rachel on this back in “Comeback”.

It does suck that they’re back to their formula of Finn and Rachel being the only ones to sing at a competition. I don’t mind “Get It Right” as a Rachel solo, but I really wish “Loser Like Me” had been an actual group number instead of a Finn and Rachel duet masquerading as a group number.

Songs:

Misery: I really like this performance. I think it’s hilarious, and it really sets the tone for the episode (especially the Klaine story). As a song, well, it’s one of those ones that I listened to on a constant loop and now can’t hear outside of the context of the episode because I just overplayed it way too much.

Only Child: Hilarious. It’s too bad we only got to hear two of Rachel’s terrible original songs. I know there were at least a dozen more that were so terrible even she scrapped them without even showing Finn.

Blackbird: I’ve already talked about this one above, but seriously. Such a good performance. Amazing vocals, too. Why did Kurt barely get solos again?

Trouty Mouth: The height of comedy. Will anything ever be as iconic as this?

Big Ass Heart I mean, it’s hilarious, and Will’s faces are so fucking funny throughout, but he is still calling Lauren fat through this song.

Hell to the No: Again, iconic. I love it.

Candles: I actually don’t mind it as a song, but it has always sat wrong with me that the first song Klaine sing as a couple is a break-up song, and that it actually mirrors the Quinn/Finn/Rachel stuff more than their own relationship. Ugh, Glee.

Raise Your Glass: Love this one! An amazing performance and an amazing song!

Get It Right: I also really like this one. It’s one of the few moments on Glee where they actually let Rachel be genuine in her pain, her guilt, her anger, and her sadness. So often all of the emotions Rachel displays are born from a sense of injustice towards herself, most of the time unwarranted, and then when she actually is in her right to be angry they underplay it. It’s nice, for once, to see her react accordingly to a situation. Plus, it made for an amazing song.

Loser Like Me: I’ll be honest, I prefer the acustic version from “New Directions” to this version. I do still like it, but it does also feel like we’re stepping back into season one, where Finn and Rachel are the only ones allowed to sing.

Final Thoughts: This is really a fantastic episode. It’s hilarious, it’s emotional, it’s real. Aside from the nonsense still being forced down our throats regarding Finn/Quinn/Rachel, it’s really well-rounded and just plain good. Like, really good. Plus, the beginning of Klaine! I don’t think I’ll ever forget the sheer joy I felt the first time I saw this episode. I was totally spoiler free, and genuinely didn’t expect that they would get together so soon. I still feel that same joy watching it now, even after a million re-watches. It just never gets old.

[starbuck09256]

A picture in the sand

Episode Fic

Unruhe

Pictures in the Sand

Author: @starbuck09256

For: Kasey Slippin Mickeys

Rating: Teen (I did use the f word not sorry)

First a huge Shot Out to @gaycrouton for putting this goodie together. Girl you are fantastic. I can’t wait to read your fic and everyone else's! 

My prompt was Unruhe and that it should take place in Traverse City with another woman goes missing. I followed it mostly. I rewatched the episode about 9 times, which isn’t bad I like the ep anyway. Here is my angsty (as requested) interpretation.

Not gonna lie, I’m really terrible at procrastinating so this is very much not Beta’d I apologize for spelling and grammar errors. Just happy to barely make the deadline. 

6am Dana Scully's Apartment

She wheels her suitcase next to the end table. Not paying attention she swings it to far and the picture frame on top falls and shatters to the newly stained wood flooring. “Shit” Scully mutters before moving her suitcase to find all the shards of broken glass. She picks up the frame staring at a picture of her and Melissa at a family picnic at the beach from a few years ago. Melissa’s glowing smile staring back at her, she traces the pattern of Melissa’s dress remembering Melissa spinning them around in the sand, letting the tiny pebbles crush against their toes. Like they used to do in San Diego.  Melissa had been galavanting around the world and had just gotten back her smile to be with family, the lightest Dana had seen her in the last few years.  Scully thought it was just because Melissa had finally gone to all the places she talked about endlessly in the dark confines of their shared room. Scully sighs, she remembers that dress Melissa wore in a different context too, one where she is helping their mom pack it away in a donation bin. Melissa so much taller than Scully, it didn’t make sense for Scully to keep it in the back of her closet as a reminder of the women who embodied the bright color and flowy design. The picture inside the jagged frame not scratched and torn right on the side of Melissa dress. The irony isn’t lost as she sits there on the floor where Melissa bled out in between the wood slates a bullet meant for Scully, a life meant for Melissa. She can’t help feeling that the last two years have been so unfair, she is no closer to justice for her sister, no closer to finding the answers of where Duane Berry took her. Now as the nightmares have increased she thinks of the women in Allentown all dying slowly, she wonders if she is next in line. If this picture of her and her sister will find its home on her moms mantle along with catholic candles that flicker in and out of all the lives tragically cut short by senseless violence. Scully presses the picture into the front pouch of her suitcase. Vowing to find a new frame to hold the precious photo right when she gets back from their new case in Michigan. 

She’s only been to Michigan a couple of times. The only real fact about the state that she loved is no matter where you are you are within 7 miles of water. The water calls to her, always has, from years of watching her father navigate it’s depths to summers spent at camps with giant lakes that at night made you feel like you might as well be in the middle of the ocean.  She remembers briefly staying once and seeing the shores of the great lake as it extended out for miles. From her seat at the window she looks out to the expanse of trees and meadows the clouds just above the horizon. Mulder shifts against her. His head resting in her lap on his coat. It’s been a weird few months between bounty hunters and his moms stroke he is more restless than normal. The case brought to them because of the weird photo of a girl seemingly screaming into the camera. Mulder ever elusive with his information he likes to dangle clues and hints to her but never the full story. It use to be fun, this game they play him trying to get her to open her mind to the fantastic to make connections and leaps with scraps of information. Now though it just gets on her nerves. Why not just tell her the facts? Does he think she is so closed minded that she will refuse to go? She wants to refuse. Start standing up for herself more, part of her is tired of seeing these women taken, beaten, lives destroyed in the end does it even matter the how? Is the why so important? What about stopping it? Lately she feels like they are only there for the aftermath, taken to a point so far outside of plausible. She’s getting tired of being taken herself. He mumbles in his sleep and shifts closer to her. That’s the real problem she thinks, how close they are and yet not at all. While they spend endless hours together, eating, sleeping in crappy motel rooms, driving miles and miles of road and for what? to be put in danger constantly?

The larger part of her though finds it still so thrilling. The challenge the way his eyes light up when he gets a new case and they go back and forth it's why he dangles clues and hints. He loves seeing her mind work, and in truth she loves the challenge.  She looks at the photo again, the edging is distorted the colors blending together. She isn’t sure how you would capture an image like this, how the abductor took such a photo. She presses her finger down on the edge looking at the long lines on the side, a face to the far right what is that? A reflection? She wonders what the image is trying to say. She thinks of the photos of her and Melissa torn and stuffed into her roller bag under the seat. She thinks back to all the photos she has taken over the years the others that grace her mantel in tiny rows. Her brothers photo with his new wife how he blames her openly for Melissa's death. As if she didn't already blame herself. She thinks of those women in Allentown how they said they are all dying, the photos they showed her of others like them that have passed on. She has an appointment in 3 months for more scans. She joined the mufon group and has been getting emails of members passing away one by one. Leaving children and husbands behind. She would only leave behind sad plants and half finished articles for medical journals and Mulder. How would he do with a new partner, she thinks back to Jerry whom he just described as a colleague. Is that all she would be to him in the end? A colleague a good friend? There have been moments when she thought they would be more. Melissa certainly thought they would be. Melissa's’ constant insistence that Mulder was the compliment to Scully's stubborn soul. Scully wonders if this is going to be the end will he be her last? She's never missed having a lover. But lately she wishes her bed wasn't so lonely. Now as Melissa has pointed out she has in fact put everything and everyone on hold for this search of theirs, to find answers for him and now for her. In the past she has found men who are obsessed with things it seems. The latest one resting in her lap. She swallows hard, sleeping with Mulder would be a terrible idea, but if there weren't consequences because she would be gone in a few months? She tries to clear her conscience about it all, her recent scans were fine but the emails of more and more members with the same type of cancer in exactly the same spot are more than scaring her. Mulder is scared too, she now stops mentioning when another one has been laid to rest. She’s seen his fear shining into her eyes when she gets even a cold. Imagine what cancer from a lover would do to the man?  She would never do that to him. If the dedication he has for his annoyingly little sister is anything. The rabbit hole he would fall down if they were more and she was taken by the disease from her abduction would kill him. 

She thinks about her mother and father, how after his death the strong capable of anything Margaret Scully faltered. At first her mom said she could pretend for a few minutes in the morning that he was still at sea, that his smile would grace her eyes soon as he would sweep her into a deep hug that warmed her bones. Then she would remember, remember that time was short. Missy's death certainly didn't help. Losing a child is something that no parent should ever bare. She had asked Dana to give her antidepressants, and while it scared Scully to the core it renewed her mother's faith in God. That that was the only way she could keep going, knowing that her Ahab would be there waiting for a life eternal and her sweet daughter's spirit would be free. But Melissa's death had done the opposite for Scully, she has scene so much injustice so many things that make her doubt God's word that now she has become skeptical and even cynical  in so many ways. Mulder has seen it in her and while she wears her cross everyday part of it is just because it reminds her of Melissa. It reminds her to try and fight. She will fight till the bitter end. Even if that is sooner than she wants to believe. Mulder shifts slightly again and she moves the picture through her fingers. Tries to put that skepticalness to the side. Tries to think like Mulder would. Why would the killer leave it at the scene? How did he get it beforehand? Was he stalking her? She taps on the photo again and moves back to the case file, shifting just slightly careful to not disturb Mulder. 

She reads the report over and over until her eyes want to water at the dry dead air of the cabin. The sun is seeping through the light onto Mulders hair now, his features almost boyish in sleep. She is usually the one sleeping against him even if flying isn’t her favorite thing. She squirms in her seat a bit wishing secretly that Mulder would wake up so she can lay against his shoulder and catch a few minutes of sleep herself. She moves her hand, fingers brushing through his hair. She knows he doesn’t mind, though he still teases her a little when she does it in doctor mode. She sees his small smile and he starts to move. She gives him a soft smile back as he rubs his eyes looking at her with the translucent clouds shading the sun as it shines dimly on her hair. He reaches up and touches her cheek to sweep a stray strand off her face. “Your turn” it’s almost a whisper. She smiles gratefully as he moves and positions his jacket against his shoulder for her to rest against. She sighs as she snuggles into the warm fabric. Mulder pulls the shade down against the morning dawn as they continue to soar through the air. 

2 hours later

She wakes dimly to the voice of the captain letting them know they are starting their dissent into Grand Rapids. Traverse city looms another 2 hours away along the lake coast. It’s interesting the rules they have made through the years. They never discuss a case on a flight and so that time has been devoted to them reading books sometimes playing cards. Arguing over which mythical creature is the most likely to exist. Or more often than not it’s like this morning's flight snuggled against each other asleep. She hears Mulders soft snores against her head. The last few months she has been more worried about his sleeping habits especially after she told him what she found in Allentown. More often he comes in with dark circles and the extra coffee through the day has not gone unnoticed. She can’t complain though, because despite all of this he still is there in the morning to greet her, with a steaming cup to chase away her own night terrors. Places like planes offer a few moments of peace that the other one is safe, and that they are together. She tries not to analyze it too much. Tries to rationalize the fact that they have been through some truly horrible things and are bound to have some strong ptsd and codependency issues. She doesn’t want to love him that way. She likes them just being friends. She wants a bit more out of life, especially if there is less available to her, seeing all of these things over the years she is wondering what she is really fighting for anymore if not for Melissa maybe she would have already left. Is it to be flying off to save women from abductions? Is she trying to find validity in her choice to prove to herself that giving up medicine to become an FBI agent was really the best decision? Is she now leading herself down a path to have another Jack or even worse another Daniel? 

She knows that Mulder is in love with her. She knows that he has become just as dependent on her as she has on him. She doesn’t want that, she doesn’t want a world where the two of them can only exist with the other. She has become consumed by this quest of his and paid so dearly, and now here they are chasing a lead on a case they really have no business on. She knows that it’s about the picture. He sees something or knows something she doesn’t. She’ll have to wait for the drive into town to find out.

As they reach the drugstore she is lost in the sea that is the investigation, while she looks at expired film heating beneath it parts of the edging make sense, if the film is expired and the heat has distorted the edges. But the screaming that is odd, when she points these things out to Mulder he finally explains his theory. She sees a photo booth in the drugstore small and yet she wonders if the film has been tampered here too. Mulder must think something similar as he grabs her hand just as she finishes her questions to the owner.  “This film shouldn’t have the same distortion if my theory is correct.” he mutters pulling her into the small intimate photo booth. She sighs “Mulder,” she starts but he pulls her down and she is sitting right next to him and he’s smiling and pointing to the camera. She gives him the look, the one that shows she is not amused, but he wraps his arm around her leans forward to start the series of 5 photographs of them. He tries to do bunny ears and the camera catches her laughing at it. She sticks out her tongue in the next and so does he.  The third picture is just them stern and serious. The fourth a soft smile from both of them. The fifth begins to click and he makes a kissy face and her grin lights up the tiny booth. Its short lived and while she thinks the exercise is pointless the film proves to be unaffected. She waits for Mulder to throw the pictures away but he doesn’t he pulls out his wallet and tucks them in with a 20 dollar bill and 2 ones. She shakes her head, he asks the owner if they can take a few more photos with the same film. “I think the picture is the key to this Scully,” he leaves and she follows him out. 

They drive to the girls house, pictures on the fridge of a normal couple. Lost in moments together, traveling, and laughing. She wonders if they will find this girl alive, if these will be the last time she smiles. She thinks of moments when her and Mulder where sure that it was the end. She thinks of the pictures of them in his wallet. What a stranger would think. What she thinks of this closeness that has grown between them. 

He takes the camera “Watch out scully it’s loaded,” and he points it right at her but the picture that comes out is of the girl distorted again and she looks up at him confused. He starts to tell her more about his growing theory, how these pictures are the key  Psychic photography. She hates this, she hates looking at cases and having him come up with something so crazy she has to try and wrap her mind around it. She always gives him the benefit of the doubt listens to his theories, but sometimes she just wants a simple explanation. Maybe she is just burned out. It happens to everyone with all the things that have happened to them she hasn’t had a chance to take a break. She wants to talk about this more but as always he is already getting ready to leave. “He was here I think he stalked her.” As they step out into the bright sunshine her phone starts to ring, letting them know that Mary has been found wandering and disoriented.  

At the hospital Scully is faced with looking in the hollow eyes of the woman on the fridge, one that won’t be smiling again as pain and inevitable death beacon her near. The scans don’t lie, Mary is facing a very difficult road of recovery if that is even possible. As Scully stares at the scans as Mulder goes to grab them something resembling coffee she thinks of Betsy in Allentown, about those women with tumors at the same spot as Marys unfortunate lobotomy. Mulder has sense Scully's distance and luckily has chosen to back off, leaving her with the time she needs to figure things out. Scully is deep in thought when Mulder returns he sets down the coffee letting the steam rise up and wafted into her nose. It’s a beautiful smell coffee, seems the fine people of Traverse City understand its importance. Mulder touches her shoulder gently a sad smile across his lips as he stars at the scans once more. Just as the uniform officer comes in and tells them another woman has been taken. Anger boils through Scully, whomever this guy is he has no idea what he is doing and unless they find him soon she is afraid of another poor woman facing the same fate. Mulder throws the rental keys to her knowing that right now he needs time to look over the details from the officer, starting working up a profile right away. Precious time is ticking fast as she presses her foot down on the pedal. This is her strength driving fast and a little more reckless than Mulder ever has. It annoys him, how much she speeds and whips into places. It’s why he drives most of the time in reality. Because she got tired of hearing him complain about her going to fast, but time is of the essence.  They are following a patrol car the blue and red lights flash into the fading sun. As they race around the corner. Mulder finally looks up at her his voice catches in his throat. “Mary will never be the same will she?” Scully shakes her head in sadness. “We need to find this person, and fast” She nods and throws the car into park, throwing her seatbelt off dashing to the scene. They need a clue, a hint, and hopefully something more than a screaming girl in a fucking polariod.  

Just as they get there they realize that the rush wasn’t necessary, Scully needs to review the file as Mulder heads right inside to assist.  Another man dead another woman taken and nothing to go on. Mulder doesn’t find any cameras or film, in the car as he was thinking through the profile he wonders about the word Unruhe, a place? A thing? A person? It sounds like it’s a word. He asks one of the officers to use the computer quickly typing the word into a search box as he continues shuffling through 1040s and spreadsheets. Scully walks in the file in her hand, a killer like this she thinks might have been there might have been at the scene. As they argue again over the photograph she feels the frustration of the day, of the inevitable failure that might await them if they can’t find something quickly.  Mulder is ready to head back to Washington, to find the clues that have eluded them so that she can save the next victim. Both of them know that time is limited and Alice doesn’t have long, while she thinks him going back to Washington is a mistake, it’s really not that long of a flight and the bureau does have some fantastic resources. She sighs hangs her head and works her connection. It seems that for them, when they go their separate ways they form a complete picture in the end. 

 She watches as he races out leaving her the keys to the rental car as he hitches a ride back again. She works through the evening and well into the night in a small motel with a view of Grand Traverse Bay on Lake Michigan. She opens the window and listens to the water softly kissing the sand while the moonlight shines off the lakes black opals and into the darkness. Mulder calls her lets her know his planes has landed and he has been able to get a forensic photographer to help him first thing in the morning. She lets him know that Mary Lefont died and she fears that the same will be true for Alice if the construction owner has hired men off the books. Mulder sighs, “You caught that Scully, you found us a tangible lead as soon as I find something out with this photo I’ll call you it should help you refine it” She hums in response right now she is looking at a list of 300 people in the apartments next to the latest abduction. She sighs and says she is tired before hanging up. She knows that sleep will be hard fought tonight, it’s already almost 3am. She walks out of the hotel towards the Bay listens to the waves as they crash against the shore with a dullness. While the stars shine brightly out beyond the black depths of the lake she thinks of Mary, about those pictures of her smiling in those photos on the fridge. Her toes are in the rough sand from the lake, not like the sand that she and Melissa danced to in the photo. She wonders of Alice's family will have similar photos on their mantel of another woman taken in her 30s. She hopes that the station can pull up something on the construction workers, they need this lead. Regardless of the success Mulder thinks he will find she needs the tangible investigative skills of the mortal realm. She walks back to her room, letting the moonlight chase her form across the soft swirls of the water. She falling into a lifeless deep sleep while the dull ticking of Alice's life lingers in the background. 

In the morning after she wrestles Gerry to the ground. She thinks back about the pictures she has of Ahab of the two of them at her medical school graduation, her white coat and his proud smile. She wonders after all the terrible things that have happened to her would he still be so proud? Or would his smile have dimmed like that glossy paper it was printed on. Would her own eyes shine as brightly as they did that day ever again? Or had the 3 months she missed, the sister she mourned be evident through the lense. She knew the risks was aware of the horror she would face. Lately she feels as if she is facing a far more looming nightmare. Another birthday another lonely night with no prospects of changing. Mulder and her might be pushing that line in the sand between acceptable partnerly behavior but it’s a not a road she is ready to take, nor is she sure she wants too. She loves him, she knows this after so many dangerous situations, hours and days spent together how could she not. She thinks of the other pictures she knows he keeps in his wallet. The one of him and Sam, sometimes she thinks she still sees that young innocent kid staring back at her. His devilish grin when he shows her the fantastic. The way his face lights up just a little when she pulls out his favorite sunflower seeds when he was sure they were out. Does he see it in her? Does he see the young agent who was new to the field but prepared for the boys club? Does he see the same smile and young ambition she once was so consumed with that she let the rest of her life slip away? She’s getting older her birthday just passing and she thinks about the fact that now she is as old as Melissa was when she died. She thinks about the pictures they won’t take, about the people now missing from the Christmas dinners, the Sunday brunch, the nephews birthday parties. Her phone rings and it’s Mulder he booked the first flight back and is already on his way to the precinct. She wants to know where Alice Bryant is she wants them to win one for once. Mulder wants her to wait until they can interrogate Gerry together. They are so good together, she knows. The two of them play off each other so well with suspects. Mulder seems crazy and she seems scary and she loves it. She loves the power it gives her. She loves seeing justice and fear mingle together in the room. She hopes they are scared, hopes that the suspects feel even the small degree of fear that they cause their victims to feel. It is that feeling that has kept her with the FBI, she loves being the one to find the evidence and then confront the suspect with her findings. Mulder is in a way the perfect partner for her. He steps back lets her take the lead, knows that if anyone will find something tangible to hang a case on it’ll be her. 

Gerry gives them a location, and as they race to find her, she can’t help but be angry at Gerry seeing her as troubled. She isn’t troubled is she? Conflicted? Scared? Maybe. She doesn’t want to overthink a psychopaths words. She learned long ago from Mulders profiles how they use words and gestures to gain trust. Luther Lee Boggs being a prime example for them both. 

Scully races up the hill hoping and praying that they can find Alice alive, and hopefully not as damaged as Mary, but as she makes it to the top, Alices still form crushes her thoughts. She touches Alices’ cold skin, her cheeks. Watches as the CS tech starts to take photos of the scene. More photos, more death, and now another body. At least Gerry is in custody. At least they saved the future woman that he might have tortured and killed.  Mulder meets her at the car, her anger rolls off her in waves like the lake shore. Maybe tonight she will sit on the shore and cry, no one would be able to hear her sobs over the water. She wants to leave to go home and fix her broken frame try to not think of photos and sand and lives that could have been. She can’t drive and though she wanted to be in control she hands the keys to Mulder so they can drive back to their hotel and clean up. She needs to wash the failure she feels down the drain. It doesn’t work that way, Gerry shot the police officer that was processing him, they put out an APB but her mind can only race about possible new victims he already might be on his way to take. 

They look at the photo of the officer on the paperwork, Mulder is right the photos are probably the key. God who else did Gerry take a photo of? Who else is going to deal with a madman telling them they are troubled and killing them to fix it? 

Apparently the benefit of Traverse City being smaller than most major metropolitan areas is when you need to steal something you pick the same drugstore you stalked your victims. Gerry has assaulted the owner and taken more film. They walk through the drugstore one more time, she thinks of the apartment complexes on each side and tells Mulder as such as he once again puts money into the photo machine. She looks at him in curiosity, last time they went in this time he is letting it roll without them. HIs theory has developed and isn’t ready to share just yet, she knows he will explain in the car. She wants to get going, he tosses her the keys and she walks out into the bright sun. 

She doesn’t remember much she remembers her foot hurting from the injection remembers the struggle as she tries to get her gun. She wakes strapped to a chair with Gerry in the dark corner as her eyes try to adjust to the light. Her arms taped down roughly the large sheetrock tool on the shiny metal table. She wants to plead in a responsible way. Gerry knows that this is the end, she can’t let him think that she will be part of his prize. She doesn’t remember much of her German important phrases and it takes her a few moments to come up with what to say to him. Especially since conversational german was the only class she ever got a B in. Luckily the words are there, as if her mind knows to channel the knowledge buried so deep. Gerry gets up to grab the camera, she sees her chance if she can get the tray she can cut her restraints and take him out. She needs to stall, she needs Mulder to have time to find her. She wants to give him time, She asks Gerry about his own Howlers about the trouble with his father. She channels Mulder and knows what brothers will do for sisters. Her own brother would do for her and Melissa. Gerry pulls the tray away and takes the camera to take her picture once more. She struggles with thinking that the photos she took with Mulder in that small cramped little booth won’t be the last ones he sees of her. He will see her on the floor of the padded room in a weird distorted photo that will filter into his dreams for years to come. But luck is on her side and she is able to convince Gerry to take a photo of himself. The camera flash is almost blinding, she knows he is sick she just needs to show him that this has always been about him and not anyone else. The photos come out in a small series of flashes, they wait for the polarization to show the image. She feels vindicated when they show him dead, show him his fate. That justice is finally with her. She just hopes it doesn’t plan on taking her with him. Gerry flips through the photos over and over. Questioning the images, like Mulder did. What do they mean? She hopes they mean that her life will be hers again, that she will be able to see the waves and shore once more. But Gerry thinks it’s about time, that his time is ending and he must hurry. Fear runs through her body a surge of adrenaline as she tugs and struggles against the restraints. She thinks about the time she almost drowned, how it felt struggling in the water, wondering why something so beautiful and peaceful would try to take her life. How she would gasp and flail her arms in sheer panic, like now as she hears Mulder calling her name. God Mulder please please prove that picture true and he does. Thank god he does. She feels him release her final bonds reach out his hand to take hers. She feels the storm calming inside of her, like Mulder is a life preserve her around her waist pulling her up against the tide. She walks out of the dark trailer, walks past the paramedics straight to the lakeshore. She takes off her heels, the prick of the injection still stings but the sand and the wind and the waves cradle her in their embrace. She takes a deep breath, lets the air of the misty water fill her lungs up. She takes a moment to look down at her feet in the sand and as she looks up she almost swears she sees Melissa in the distance dancing on a distant shore. 

tagging @today-in-fic @gaycrouton @xfilesfanficexchange @improlificinsarcasm

[arcadianambivalence]

Les Miserables 2018 Reactions

Episode One

A title card gives a brief summary of the situation in France before dropping us into the day after the Battle of Waterloo, when the “glory” of battle is over and the gore remains. 

 Rather fitting for a series translated to The Miserable (or Wretched) Ones.

Yikes.  British viewers really weren’t kidding about the typeface.  Or that 1970s slasher movie red.

But in all honesty, I like the change in opening.  It’s a bold move, sure, but it grounds viewers in a specific time in history (so only the inattentive can make the “it takes place during the French Revolution” mistake) and functions as a mirror of the eventual end.  

**Book spoilers**

A Ponmercy possibly dead at the scene of a failed conflict?

A man surviving conflict and returning home to be separated from his child by Gillenormand?

Does this not sound like a bitter cycle when we know this story ends in Marius surviving a failed conflict and Valjean surviving conflict and returning home to be separated from his child by Gillenormand(‘s grandson)?

And to top it all off, the title card ends with: “The old order will be restored.  The revolution forgotten.”  Aside from Les Miserables, how often do you hear of the June Rebellion?

The Opening

Rain, mud, dead horses, trees shattered by cannonballs...the cinematography feels Romantic (capital R) already.  A horse flutters its eyes (Is this a reference to Napoleon’s war horse Marengo, famously depicted in Napoleon Crossing the Alps by Jacques-Louis David?)

Thenardier (!) rushes onto the screen, injecting it with a surge of adrenaline.  Laughing (?), he hops from one dead soldier to the next, picking pockets and collecting anything of value he can get his hands on relatively quickly.  And he’s not alone.  There are other looters, and there are British soldiers chasing them in the background.

(Are we supposed to see a parallel between this and the way society is shown to treat its ‘dead’ and ‘dying’? Or are the British soldiers chasing people breaking laws, or at least morals, representative of how the Law works in the series?)

...But I can do without Thenardier cackling the entire time.

Anyway, he starts to loot one soldier crushed under a fallen horse when the soldier regains consciousness and, thinking Thenardier pulled him out for charitable reasons, thanks him for saving his life.  Could it be Baron Pontmercy?

The Pontmercy Plot

In a rare adaptation appearance, a living Baron Pontmercy returns home alive.  The streets of Paris initially seem colorful and thriving, but lintering shots of homeless beggars.  Pontmercy’s father-in-law, Gillenormand, rejects him for siding with Napoleon.  He goes into the “I’m glad my daughter is dead” trope, then ends it with a biting “I thank God I may never see you again.”

“It’s your lot they’re strining up from lamposts now,” Gillenormand says as we are shown a precious toddler overhearing everything. This is Pontmercy’s son, Marius, a little baby boy who will be raised to hate his own father by his grandfather.

Nicolette sneaks out of Gillenormand’s house to tell Pontermcy where he can see Marius at church.

The Fantine Plot - Part 1

A few feet away, a young Fantine is trying to convince her friends that she’s not naive and that she can take care of herself (I’ll wait for a Cosette callback in later episodes).  I like seeing Fantine as a carefree young woman instead of being introduced to Fantine after she had and separated from Cosette.  It makes her slow descent even worse when we see how youngshe is.

Also, we were just introduced to one man who is denied custody of his son by a gatekeeper of society, and now here is a woman who will eventually have to give up custody of her daughter by the circumstances of her society.  Nice parallel!

The Valjean Plot

The yellow filter and the music makes this feel like a Western.  This town ain’t big enough for the both of us, 24601...

Valjean sees one of the guards beating a prisoner and causes an avalanche that pins down the guard (so he visually echoes Pontmercy under the horse in the opening scene).  Why does Valjean attempt murder?  Well, this adaptation’s Valjean senses the injustice and wants to balance out this unjust society through violence (again, foreshadowing).

But when he hears the pinned man’s agony, he realizes he isn’t that person.  He isn’t capable of committing a crime like that without guilt.  So out empathy and guilt, he goes to lift the weight.  A man lifting a weight from a man pinned under debris? Hmm...forshadowing.  A man lifting a weight off someone pinned under the rocks (of society?)  Hmm...symbolic.

Javert, who has been watching the entire thing, stares down at Valjean.  That night, Valjean is brought to Javert’s office.  Javert asks, “What was that about today?”  Valjean looks at him like Because I’m a decent human being?  That’s why...

Javert’s backstory is really, uh, shoe-horned in there, isn’t it?  Could have revealed it later when he unwittingly befriends Madeleine or something...No?

Javert says, “Men like us have only two choices: to prey on society or to guard it.”  And, well, you could view every male character we’ve met so far through that lens: Pontmercy vs. Thenardier and Gillenormand, Valjean vs. Javert.  

But who’s really the one preying on people here?

The Fantine Plot - Part 2

Speaking of prey, Fantine’s out on the town with her friends.  She meets eyes with Felix, and her friend Favourite urges her to be more forward with the attraction.  Felix wastes no time playing the charming dance partner.  The slow music switches to something more lively (and tell me if you don’t have the tiniest reminder of that below-decks dance in Titanicin this moment).

Ugh.  These Fantine night scenes look gorgeous.  Like a (modern) outdoor wedding.

“You have to remember they’re not serious...they’re amusing themselves.” The harsh voice of experience doles out some foreshadowing.  “Why should it always be like that?”  Fantine asks. The voice of change we hear throughout this series, too.

The Fantine section is also filmed like Davies’ more famous adaptations (lulling unwitting audiences into a false sense of security about where this is going...)

So many period drama romance tropes.  It really does feel completely different from any other adaptation I’ve seen in this section.  I like it.

Felix tries every trick in the book: I didn’t care about anyone before you.  I’m going to be a poet, and you’ll be my use.  Have mercy on me, I’m suffering with love for you.  But Fantine has never read the playbook, and she kisses him, despite her doubts.

The Pontmercy Plot - Part 2

In case you weren’t against this prison system before, the prisoners are forced to watch an execution in a brief scene that cuts to Gillenormand saying, “order restored.  Now everyone knows their place again.”

Gillenormand convinces his grandson into believe his dad’s a “scoundrel” for his political stance. Throughout the scene, little Marius is playing with army figurines, too.  Hmm…can you hear commentary about how wrong this situation is yet?  (The book isn’t subtle about this is, either)

Baron Pontmercy is reduced to waiting for a glimpse of his son at church.  It hurts in the book, and it hurts here, too.  Oh, and the religious theme comes in.  (And a nice Mabeuf cameo).

This is a good time for an unpopular opinion: I’m fine with the cuts between the Pontmercy, Fantine, and Valjean stories.  It makes the later inclusion of more characters and the eventual intertwining of some of these plots feel natural.  It also shows how different people in this society suffer completely different unfair circumstances that bloom from this society and culture.

The Valjean Plot - Part 3

Is this what Daves meant by “sexing up “Les Miserables with a nude, underfed, and whipped Valjean?  He’s muscular from forced labor.  Not really sexy.

“You have your name back, Monsieur 24601.”  Hey.  This will be ironic in hindsight!  

Oh, and (un)paid labor for prisoners commentary, too.  Valjean’s furious.  But why wouldn’t he be?  Nearly two decades for petty theft.  And in those conditions.

Valjean carries those barrels like he’s carrying the world.  (Do you see the Jesus symbolism yet?)

But if he carried any hope that life outside of prison would be any more rewarding, he is quickly corrected.  More manual labor with little pay.  Chased away from a place to stay by dogs.  Pointed to the church by a kind woman.  (All in all, pretty book accurate—down to the ensuing conversation)

Cut from one faceless shot of Valjean to the Bishop, connecting the two.

Bishop with spectacles.  Awww.

Valjean has the bluntness that comes across in the translations of the brick (I’ve never read it in French.  Is he blunt there, too?)

The comparison Valjean draws between the religious authority figures in prison versus the Bishop here is a nice book reference, and it shows that he is very much aware of his terrible situation and how imbalanced society is (in and out of prison) versus the (actual) Christian values shown by the Bishop

“How can I love my fellow man when he treats me like a dog?”

“Even if the world has done you a great injustice.  Does it really serve you to have a heart full of bitterness and hatred?”

Ooh.  The quandry at the heart of this adaptation’s Valjean.

So what if it’s on the nose?  It’s for viewers introduced to the book for the first time.  Books are a well.  Shows are a pool.  It’s the detriment of adaptation.

“What about the silverware?”  The bishop, knowing full well it must have been taken by Valjean, “I can’t help you, I’m afraid.”

In the few minutes he’s part of this episode, the Bishop is The Perfect Christian example that Valjean (and even other characters) will follow in various ways

The vulnerability and disbelief in Valjean’s eyes when he realizes somebody’s helpinghim and even covering for him...

Valjean’s little chuckle when he realizes he’s free again

Valjean’s what am I supposed to do with these?look at the candlesticks.  Heh

“Jean Valjean, you do not belong to evil anymore.  You belong to good.  I have bought your soul with this silver and these candlesticks.”  Again in this adaptation, there’s this sense that Valjean didn’t choose to better himself, but it was foisted onto him (the Holy Spirit foisted on him) until he eventually makes the choice to let it in himself

The episode began with Thenardier stealing and showing no signs of remorse.  It ends with Valjean stealing and being presented with the means to turn his life around.  Nice bookends—is what I would say if the episode ended here.  But there’s more!

The Fantine Plot - Part 3

Oh, the “sexing up” was with Fantine and Felix.  Just some family-friendly snuggles as he drops hints he’s going to leave her and her baby.

Fantine has a caged bird in her room.  Symbolism.

Felix, Fantine, and their friends are out on a double (well, tripple) date. The guys tease a “surprise” for the women.  What could it be?  A beautiful day outside.  A meal at a fancy restaraunt.  Could they plan on...proposing?

Nope!  This is a last hurrah before the guys leave to return to their “respectable” families.

I’m surprised we got an abbreviated Felix speech from the book. Didn’t expect that.  And it’s all the more irritating for his character when you know what comes next: the men quietly leave the room as their girlfriends wait excitedly for the “surprise.”  But the light drains from the eyes of all three of the women as they read the “surprise,” a letter stating that their boyfriends (and financial support) are leaving them forever.

The Ending

Meanwhile, Valjean leaves the village, angry at the Bishop for “buying” his soul.  Conflicted, he rests beneath a tree.  Then a little voice grows louder.  Is it--? Yes, it’s Petit-Gervais playing with a sou and singing down the road. Valjean steps on the coin (almost intentionally) and scares Petit-Gervais away.

This is different from the book.  In the book, he goes into a trance during this moment and only realizes he’s standing on the coin later (which conveniently absolves him of guilt in the reader’s eyes).  Here, Valjean is brought back to the reality of his actions by the tolling of the church bell.  He stole from a little boy like the prison system stole from him.  A few scenes ago, he was that little boy.  And he tries to do the right thing and return the coin.  Like in the book, he calls for the boy to come back, but the child is gone, and Valjean is a thief again.

Meanwhile, Fantine returns home to her happy baby.  She moves to curl up on the bed and cry, but the needs of her daughter Cosette draws her back to the world.  Felix is no father, but Fantine is still a mother.

Valjean is free, but Fantine is about to enter a different kind of prison.

Overall, I liked this episode.  There were a few changes I would have made, like concealing Javert’s backstory until episode 2 (or even later) to build up a sense of mystery to him.  Thenardier was too…jovial to me, also.  Finally, that scene of the women gossiping in the woods was unnecessarily choreographed, and I’m surprised PBS actually aired that scene.

When I first heard about some of the adaptational changes, I was wary of this series, but now that I see them in context, they aren’t too bad.  I think an angry Valjean could make for a more dramatic transformation in later episodes.  I loved Derek Jacobi as the Bishop and Lily Collins as Fantine.  

But my favorite choice of this miniseries was the way it made the Valjean plot, the Fantine plot, and the Pontmercy plot run concurrently to highlight the similarities in their situations.  

In the book, Hugo describes Valjean’s situation in one “book,” then switches to Fantine and goes back in time a few years to explore her experiences before her plot meets Valjean’s plot.  It allows for the reader to get invested in each uninterrupted arc, but what works on paper doesn’t translate well to screen.  There must be change.

We’ll see what other page to screen changes were made in the upcoming episodes.  Les Miserables airs Saturday nights on PBS.

[bbclesmis]

Josh O’Connor: Every actor should just turn up on time, be nice and learn the lines

The actor has charmed as Larry in The Durrells and next up he plays Marius in Les Miserables and Prince Charles in The Crown

Unremittingly grim is how I would describe the BBC’s Les Misérables. Andrew Davies’s song-free adaptation of Victor Hugo’s novel is a litany of grinding poverty, injustice, corruption and exploitation occasionally leavened, if that’s the right word, by short bursts of extreme peril. It’s also completely gripping.

This weekend’s episode introduces a new face. Until now Marius Pontmercy has appeared only as an angelic moppet, parroting royalist slogans fed to him by his overbearing grandfather, Monsieur Gillenormand. Now time moves on and we see him as a young law student, played by Josh O’Connor. It’s an episode full of upheaval for young Pontmercy: without giving too much away, there’s a girl, a family bombshell and a political awakening.

When we meet in a central London café, O’Connor, 28, whom viewers might recognise as Larry from ITV’s The Durrells, is considerably jollier than his earnest student. Dressed in jeans and a well-loved chunky sweater, his very dark, very curly hair constantly threatening insubordination, he is excellent company — all smiles and unfailingly polite. As we talk, it’s clear that, although he’s having a delightful time at the moment (the cast and crew on Les Misérables were “lovely”; working on it and The Crown — he will play the young Prince Charles in the third season, of which more later — had him “wide-eyed and pinching yourself”), he’s very serious about work. He has even read Hugo’s novel, which in unabridged English translation tends towards 1,500 pages.

“I know, that’s mad, isn’t it?” he says. “And I’m a terrible reader. I’m very dyslexic and I find it incredibly hard. It was a struggle, but the themes of it — it’s all about redemption essentially. I was obsessed with that idea, which I’ve stolen from my dad, who is an English teacher. He’s always been really interested in forgiveness and redemption and hope, and it’s very present in that book.”

Although the story is set in Paris between 1815 and 1832, O’Connor thinks it retains its relevance. “There were different translations for the title, like ‘The Wretched’, ‘The Wretched Poor’, ‘The Dispossessed’. I think they’re more accurate. It’s all about class, and the forgotten and the sidelined, which is obviously relevant to now. Marius has an important role in that he is like the audience looking in — he exists as part of a higher social class, but he has this social conscience.

“Obviously we’re in different times, but I would say that we’re experiencing politics in the extreme on both sides at the moment. And while we’re not building barricades, we are setting up camp outside parliament, and how that has manifested itself in recent news has been pretty nasty. To me it seems that there are lines to be drawn from that.”

So upright is Pontmercy — even when languishing in a filthy garret — that you might not immediately make the link between the young lawyer and the role that made O’Connor’s name, the taciturn Yorkshire farmer Johnny Saxby in Francis Lee’s extraordinary 2017 film God’s Own Country. The similarities are almost non-existent — apart from anything else, it took O’Connor’s Saxby about half the film before he cracked a smile. O’Connor’s committed performance as the emotionally inarticulate youth being painfully and beautifully taught how to love and be loved by the tenderness of another man was universally praised and earned him a Bafta rising star nomination and a best actor win at the British Independent Film Awards, among other accolades. Not that he had much choice about commitment: Lee made him spend nearly four weeks working full-time on the farm where the film was shot before they started.

“John, the farmer, he’s an incredible man. He hadn’t had a holiday I don’t think for 25 years. We’d get up at 6am and we’d go and feed the sheep, then we’d come back and have these sandwiches [he uses his hands to indicate something about the size of an entire standard loaf] — plain white bread, greasy bacon, ketchup, more bacon, bread. I turned into an animal, but it was the best energy source. His lifestyle is non-stop. Of course he can’t have a holiday. Sheep don’t rest.” The physicality of O’Connor’s performance is one thing that gives it authenticity — all from John, he says.

“He was hunched over. There are practical reasons — the rain in Yorkshire even somehow rains up, so you’ve got your hood up, and the sheep are down here.” It helped his casting that O’Connor has huge hands. “They’re like spades.” You don’t see much of them in Les Mis — apparently his “city hands” had such terrible eczema when he started filming the series he could hardly open them, which he puts down to subjecting them to farm work on God’s Own Country, although he concedes that the diet may also have been a factor.

If you think Pontmercy and Saxby are different, his next TV role, as Prince Charles, is an even bigger leap. He’s filming at the moment and says it’s “probably the most enjoyable job I’ve done”, perhaps because, instead of a freezing Yorkshire hillside, the locations are “every nice stately home in England, seemingly. We’ve been in Grantham, Buckinghamshire — we rock up and are, like, ‘Who lives in this house?’ I feel like I’m on Antiques Roadshow a lot of the time.”

It’s odd, he says, playing someone so present in the public consciousness, but for him, finding that performance “starts with the voice, and then they’ve got teams of researchers and professionals who work on dialect and movement. If you watch footage of the young Charles, there’s this thing — when he turns, he doesn’t turn with his body, he turns with his neck first, in a weird sort of Justin Timberlake-esque dance move. I find it helpful to have an animal to imagine, because it gives a certain pace to someone.”

Er, OK, I wonder, fearing treason, what animal is the Prince of Wales? O’Connor laughs. “I like to think of Charles at the moment as a sort of tortoise, because he puts his neck out. It’s not even that he’s particularly slow, it’s more this idea of inquisitive head first.” This time it wasn’t the hands that helped O’Connor get the role, but the ears — they’re not, in fact, particularly large, but they are sort of swivelled forwards, as if anticipating something of great interest.

O’Connor was more or less ambivalent about the royal family before — although his grandmother takes a keen interest, he says — but since taking over the role he has developed a fascination with and, he admits, an affection for Charles.

“Essentially you have someone whose whole life only comes into focus when his mother dies. That keeps hitting me — he only has meaning when his mum dies. Where does that put a young man? And then you’ve got his relationships — you can’t just get married or be with someone, they have to meet a set of [outside] criteria. That is a lot to get your head around. I’m discovering something every day about him and the world he exists in.” He tells me about a scene he has just done with Derek Jacobi, who plays the Duke of Windsor, formerly Edward VIII. “You’re playing that interaction, and you think, ‘Who does Prince Charles have, at that stage, as a guide?’ ”

Of course, there’s always his mother, played in the new cast by Hollywood’s queen of the moment, Olivia Colman. O’Connor is predictably adoring of the star of The Favourite, which he thinks is “the film of the year”.

“She’s everything that’s said about her. She’s a proper actress and a proper person. Turns up on time, does her job professionally — she’s wicked. It’s great that the world is loving her because we should.”

He is equally gushy about his co-star Emerald Fennell, who will play the young Camilla Shand, later Parker Bowles, and whom he describes as “such a laugh” (series three and four take us up to 1976, so we’ll have to wait a while for the appearance of Lady Diana Spencer — her casting has not been revealed).

He seems to take immense joy in things, which he puts down to “a pretty perfect upbringing” in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, as the middle son of three to John, an English teacher, and Emily, a midwife, both now retired. “I’ve got two lovely brothers and I’ve got cracking parents.” He recalls a phrase improbably culled from the American TV crime drama Ozark — “I’m rephrasing it, but if I were to have kids, and they’re half as proud of me as I am of my parents, then I’m sorted. They’re decent and kind and considerate, and as I’m getting older I’m learning that those qualities are the most important things.”

Inspired by his parents, last year he came up with a manifesto for his career: “Turn up on time, be nice and learn your lines. If everyone just did that in the acting world, everything would be just great.” His younger brother, Seb, is an ecological economist and is doing a PhD; the eldest, Barney, is an artist.

O’Connor lives in east London with his girlfriend, whom he politely declines to name, but hopes that they’ll be able to live predominantly outside London in future. “Drama schools say you have to be in London because that’s where the work is and that’s where the auditions are, but more and more the auditions seem to be tapes, for film and television, so maybe we’ll all move up to Yorkshire.” I’m sure Yorkshire would be delighted, I say. “Yeah, who are all these people with scarves? They’re all wearing scarves!”

Soon, although the release date is uncertain, we’ll see him in another film, Hope Gap, in which he plays the son to parents divorcing later in life (Annette Bening and Bill Nighy). It’s a “tiny little film” written and directed by William Nicholson, who is better known for such epics as Gladiator, Tom Hooper’s Les Misérables and Elizabeth: The Golden Age. It won’t surprise you to learn that O’Connor is unfailingly enthusiastic about it and his co-stars. There’s another film, with a much bigger cast, coming up, he says, but it hasn’t been announced, so he can’t tell me what it is, except that it isn’t Star Wars. He is, of course, very apologetic.

As I’m leaving, something occurs to me — is it indeed him shoving his arm inside a cow in an early scene in God’s Own Country? “Yeah!” he says, with startling enthusiasm. “And that was actually really nice. As you know, it’s incredibly cold in Yorkshire, and it’s incredibly warm in there. You go in through the bum, because there’s a thin membrane between the bum and the womb, and you’re checking to see where the head is. And it’s really comforting to the cow. It’s just really pleasurable because you know you’re caring for this animal, but also you’re, like, at least this arm is warm.”

I think we could all learn something from Josh O’Connor’s outlook on life. Les Misérables continues on Sunday at 9pm on BBC One. The third season of The Crown will be on Netflix this year

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/josh-oconnor-every-actor-should-just-turn-up-on-time-be-nice-and-learn-the-lines-r8bqkcpcb

[preserving-ferretbrain]

The Victim Dilemma

by Dan H

Tuesday, 03 March 2009

Dan continues to overuse the word “paradox” and to be rude about Joss Whedon~

I’m going to start with an anecdote.

One of the only times I have ever actually had my mind changed about something by the simple act of having somebody explain their point of view to me was when I found a friend of mine wearing one of those white “make poverty history” wristbands.

I never liked the slogan. I thought it was idealistic to the point of naïveté. You might as well carry a banner saying “end injustice now” or “bad things should stop happening.” What my friend explained to me, and I think he was totally right, was that “Make Poverty History” wasn’t about a directionless call for “something” do be done, it was a way of saying “poverty is a problem to be solved, not something to wring your hands about.”

If we high-minded wealthy liberals are honest with ourselves, we tend to think of Africa as “the country the poor people come from.” On some level we all believe that starvation and suffering are what Africa is for. It’s nobody’s fault that millions of people starve to death despite the fact that there is, in fact, enough food to go around, it’s just the way of the world and anyway, if people stopped dropping dead in Ethiopia, what would Lenny Henry do with his time. “Make Poverty History” was a way of saying that our usual way of thinking about poverty is, in fact, totally fucked up.

This brings us back, by a commodius vicus of recirculation, to Joss Whedon, Dollhouse and The Portrayal of Women (tm). Just to be clear here, my aim here isn’t to knock Whedon, it isn’t to make him out to be a misogynist, or to “prove” that he isn’t the great big feminist he says he is. It’s just that ol’ JW is the best case in point for what is a very, very difficult issue.

Taking the Country Out the Boy: The Issue with “Ex”

One of the things that people have identified as “skeevy” (to borrow a term from FB poster Viorica) about Dollhouse is that so far most of the women portrayed in it have been victims of some sort, the classic example here being the first episode, in which Eliza Dushku’s character is programmed with the personality of a hostage negotiator whose entire career was a reaction against the fact that she, as a child, was abducted and abused.

Others have pointed out that this was actually totally okay, because she responded to the abuse by becoming a strong, independent woman, and was ultimately able to take on her abuser and defeat him (although “she” was now Eliza, programmed with the other woman’s memories).

Now I can totally see the argument that says that a story about a woman who grows stronger in response to a traumatic experience is an empowering one. The idea that this woman took a horrific experience and made something positive out of it is arguably both powerful and affirming, and you could certainly make the case that by overcoming her abuser she ceases to be a victim.

The problem I have is that an ex-victim is, to my mind, still a victim.

Look at it this way. Virtually every procedural show (be it police, medical, whatever) has the Obligatory Ex Criminal (often also filling the role of Obligatory Ethnic Minority). The ex-criminal used to live on the wrong side of the law, but has since “gone straight” and become a cop/doctor/interstellar revolutionary/whatever.

But, when you get right down to it, their job in the series is to do the criminal stuff. They pick people’s pockets, break into places the plot needs them to get into, and generally act like the Thief in a traditional D&D party. The same goes for anybody who is ex-military, ex-CIA, ex-vampire or ex-priest, the thing which they are “ex” defines their character as completely as the thing they do currently, arguably more so. The woman Eliza gets patched into her brain in the first episode of Dollhouse isn’t a hostage negotiator who happens to be female and happens to be an abuse survivor, she’s a female-abuse-survivor-turned hostage negotiator. The character is still defined primarily by the abuse, if only because without it, the episode would be stripped of most of its conflict and therefore most of its point.

On Victimhood: The Heath Ledger Effect

When Heath Ledger died, the newspapers basically all said the same thing. He was a great actor, tormented by his personal demons, and his death was a tragic waste of a great talent. It’s the same when any actor dies, particularly if suicide is suspected. He was just too driven, too talented, too dedicated to his art. His genius was rooted in a very real darkness, and so on.

You might have noticed the use of the masculine pronoun above. Admittedly I do sometimes use “he” for gender-neutrality (there go my feminist credentials) but in this case I do mean it quite specifically.

When a famous woman dies, particularly if suicide is suspected, it's a whole different story. We are not told about her towering genius, and women absolutely never have personal demons. Instead we are told about how a poor, innocent girl was drawn all unknowing into the machinery of fame, and was helpless to prevent herself being chewed up and spat out like tobacco. Candle In the Wind makes references to Norma Jeane being “hounded,” “set on a treadmill,” “lonely,” and of course “never knowing who to cling to.” Not once does it point out that she was also quite a good actress.

Famous people go off the rails, but when a man goes off the rails, we focus on the loss of his potential, we say “has the man who did all these amazing things really come to this?” When a woman goes off the rails, we say “oh how sad, and to think she was once somebody's little girl.” When a man dies, or goes mad, or both we mourn the loss of his talent. When a woman dies or goes mad we mourn the loss of, for want of a better word, her femininity. We always think, just for a moment, how much happier she would have been if she'd just found a nice man and settled down.

This is one of those situations where I think there's Something Important here but I'm not entirely sure what it is. The problem is that, in general, women do have a tougher time of it than men, so chances are Marilyn Monroe really did have a tougher life than James Dean, but the fact remains that we remember one as a great actor whose life was cut short by a car accident, and the other as a tragic example of innocence crushed by the Hollywood machine.

The problem is that women, because of the nature of society, have slightly less control over their lives than men, and slightly fewer choices. This is a bad thing. The problem is, if you fixate too much on the (real, occasional) powerlessness of women you wind up presenting a situation where women, because of their gender, are incapable of controlling their lives, or making their own choices.

To put it another way, isn't Elton John singing “Hollywood made you a superstar,” just a little bit insulting to old Norma Jeane Mortenson?

The Paradox: Life Imitates Art Imitates Life

Much as I love dissing Joss Whedon for his various airs and graces, he's in a bugger of an impossible position.

If he ignores the victimization of women, he's not really doing his job as a “feminist,” but if he portrays it, he's only reinforcing the kind of stereotypes he's trying to fight against.

It all comes back to the problem with Africa or, to put it another way, Russell's “Superior Virtue of the Oppressed.” Put simply, we like to see other people suffer, not because we are cruel but because it allows us to feel secure in ourselves. We construct convenient fictions for ourselves – like the old classic about how blind people's other senses get razor-sharp to “compensate” for their lack of sight. We invest victimhood with virtue, and that is extremely dangerous.

Regular ferretbrainers will probably be familiar with our

Fantasy Rape Watch

feature. One of the fantasy rape clichés that I have a particularly hard time dealing with is the one you might call “Rape as Rite of Passage”. It's worryingly common in fantasy for female protagonists to get raped, and for this to form a crucial part of her development “as a woman” and contribute to her unlocking her true potential. It's just plain freaky, but it's really easy to see where it comes from.

When you are confronted with somebody who has suffered terribly, be they an abuse victim, a holocaust survivor, or whatever, one of the only ways we can cope with it is to convince yourselves that the sheer fact of their survival makes them admirable. Ironically it's a form of dehumanisation, we cope with the suffering of others by convincing ourselves that they are so inferior or so superior that we don't have to care what happens to them. The alternative is to accept just how awful, cruel and pointless the world can really be.

There is a very real danger in presenting “women who triumph in the wake of abuse” as role models or icons of female empowerment. In fact there are several very real dangers.

For a start, it passes an implicit judgement on people who survive abuse but are just plain broken by it: Eliza Dushku can get over it, why can't you? I would be interested in seeing the statistics, but I strongly suspect that in real life, being abducted and sexually abused makes you less likely to become a roaring success, not more likely. I also rather suspect that if you applied to train as a hostage negotiator and said that the reason you wanted to do it was because you were abducted as a child, they wouldn't even interview you (I understand that medical schools frequently reject people for citing “because I lost person X to disease Y” as their reason for applying).

And of course it also passes an implicit judgement on women who have just got on with their lives without having the good fortune to suffer horrific sexual abuse through which they can discover their inner feminine mojo. By exaggerating the triumphs of abused women, you wind up presenting a deeply disturbing view of the world where being raped is the highest thing a woman can aspire to. Not deliberately, of course, but in a work of fiction a woman who has merely succeeded is going to get less screen time and less audience sympathy than a woman who has succeeded in spite of abuse.

And finally, there's the sexual double standard. This one's a bit tricky, but I think it's telling that while abuse for a female character is a free ticket to sympathy city by way of prestige junction, for a male character it's just a little bit icky. I think, actually, I could get past the “abuse is empowerment” thing if it applied to men as well as to women, but when was the last time you saw a male character in a work of fiction who was abused as a child and responded by becoming a badass? A good badass, I mean, not a serial killer. And it's this that I think kills the whole idea for me.

The reason you never see an empowered response to abuse from a male character is because people find the idea of a man suffering abuse, particularly sexual abuse, wholly unnatural. Put simply, men are not supposed to be victims, and for a male character to be abused in that way violates some major social taboos in the way that the abuse of women doesn't.

And that right there is the big problem. The reason people are willing to accept the idea that abuse can be a natural part of the background of an empowered fictional woman is because on a basic level we accept the abuse of women in general as natural. Africans are there to starve so we can feel good when we send them food. Women are there to be abused and oppressed so we can feel good when we “empower” them.

Bit messed up really, isn't it.Themes:

TV & Movies

,

Whedonverse

,

Minority Warrior

~

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~Comments (

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http://serenoli.livejournal.com/

at 09:41 on 2009-03-03Nice article. :)

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Arthur B

at 10:11 on 2009-03-03Oh hey

Something Awful

are getting in on the

Dollhouse

dogpile. I like the article because it includes the line "Unfortunately, Joss, no prophecy, shadow space government, or super hooker company will ever make a woman completely and exactly as awesome as your mom."

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Dan H

at 14:12 on 2009-03-03The Something Awful thing is made of win. I rather liked the line: "he is beating Echo and trying to rape her all over. He is punching her and doing rape moves at her."

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Arthur B

at 15:29 on 2009-03-03"Yo! Maybe it is you that should be raped."

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http://fintinobrien.livejournal.com/

at 17:10 on 2009-03-03I just noticed the Whedonverse category. Is he the next Rowling for you, Mr Hemmens? :D

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Rami

at 18:15 on 2009-03-03I wonder if the Western

(abuse ∨ oppression) ⇒ empowerment

thought process is at all influenced by the Catholic Church's long-held creeds of

suffering ⇒ salvation

…

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Dan H

at 21:34 on 2009-03-03

I just noticed the Whedonverse category. Is he the next Rowling for you, Mr Hemmens? :D

Not exactly. I actually really like Joss Whedon. I loved Buffy to much it cost my my degree, and I thought Firefly was awesome when it wasn't trying to Empower Women (tm).

Basically I think that Joss Whedon makes excellent TV shows, which unfortunately stop every couple of episodes to make A Point About How Society Treats Women in a gratuitous and heavy-handed way.

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http://katsullivan.insanejournal.com/

at 21:13 on 2009-03-04Your point about men not being allowed to be victims takes my mind to Harry Potter. Despite his years of abuse by Muggles, Harry never "internalizes" the abuse. He hates them right back. He's never a victim to their alienation like Voldemort or Snape - who grow up to become monsters of sorts.

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Arthur B

at 21:51 on 2009-03-04Well, that's because Harry is inherently virtuous, whereas Voldemort and Snape are inherently sinful, like

those who are not of the Elect

.

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Wardog

at 11:07 on 2009-03-05Kat, that's a really interesting point. I'd never really thought about Harry's abuse from that angle before - I suppose partially because horrible things happen to children all the time in children's books and partially because, at least initially, the portrayal of the Dursley's is generally played for laughs. But it does seem to fall between two stools, being neither approached seriously enough or frivolously enough (I mean, they keep him in a cupboard!) to be anything other than shallow. I know he's not a protagonist, but it contrasts rather nicely against the treatment Snape who, of course, lives his entire life as someone who has never really got over being horribly bullied at school.

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http://sistermagpie.livejournal.com/

at 01:09 on 2009-03-06

when was the last time you saw a male character in a work of fiction who was abused as a child and responded by becoming a badass?

This of course makes me think of Batman, who did not suffer abuse but had his parents murdered in front of him as a child and went on to protect others. As opposed to many female comics characters who instead get raped and then get strong to fight back. There's definitely a difference.

I remember a show years ago, I forget what it was, but there was a main character who had near-psychic ability to understand serial killers because she'd been kidnapped and held by one for months as a kid. And what annoyed me so much was not only did the experience essentially give her a super power but it was like even as a child she was clearly so awesome that that's why she survived. So now she could always look at a killer and "see" how he saw things. I imagine she'd have a hard time relating to victims.

Also on the Elect HP question, I always thought this post was interesting on the subject. It was written post-GoF so long before DH was written.

http://skelkins.com/hp/archives/000149.html

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Arthur B

at 01:24 on 2009-03-06Hmm, there was a Spiderman comic where he helps some kid who's being molested, and reveals that he was abused himself by an older cousin before he became Spiderman...

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http://sistermagpie.livejournal.com/

at 03:01 on 2009-03-06I think I remember that. Though I don't know if he says he's been molested or maybe that he almost was but he told someone? I can't remember now.

Note, of course, that it's not part of his origin story. He's not defined by it.

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Shim

at 07:49 on 2009-03-06The Dursleys thing to me brings to mind Roald Dahl, particularly Mathilda (the book, of course): the headmistress' comment that if you behave outrageously enough, the claims just sound ridiculous, seems pretty apt. The difference being that Dahl has a real talent for producing disturbing books while keeping them light enough to actually read.

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Arthur B

at 09:41 on 2009-03-06I've been inspired to

track the spiderlestation comic down

. (The rest of the Comics With Problems site is excellent, by the way).

FWIW, 4th panel of page 6 seems to imply that he was actually molested - he's objecting, but the narration notes that he was "too frightened to leave". In classic comic book style, Spidey concludes the comic by mentioning that he's actually been

haunted for years

by what transpired there, but he's now started the healing process, so we shouldn't be surprised if we never hear anything about it ever again.

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Dan H

at 12:04 on 2009-03-06Wow, loads of comments since I last logged on:

@Shimmin: I thought of the Dahl connection myself. I think the reason it works for Dahl is because it's so over the top that you accept it as metaphor. The "abuse" that Dahl's characters suffer is basically a representation of the way regular kids *feel* like they're being treated. Harry muddies the waters because we're always told that his childhood was an important test of his character, and because we have so many "real life" issues approached in the series.

@Sister Magpie: Batman is about as close as you can get with a male character (unless you count the Spiderlestation) but as you say there's clear blue water between "my parents were killed" and "I was raped". (Although TVTropes does observe that

Rape is the New Dead Parents

). If nothing else, having your parents murdered in front of you is still in the realm of fantasy violence, whereas rape isn't (which is why so many people thought that Spike attempting to rape Buffy was unforgivable in a way that

torturing people to death for fun

was not).

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http://mary-j-59.livejournal.com/

at 03:09 on 2009-03-22I know this is a bit off point, but I really hate the way bullying and victimization is treated in "Harry Potter". Snape is not a monster; he is a normal human being who, from what we see in the text, never received unconditional love from anyone and never had a place he felt truly at home, or even safe. Harry's reaction to what ought to be severe neglect/abuse, on the same level as young Sev apparently experienced, is completely unrealistic. He should not be as intact as he seems to be - not that he's altogether intact; Harry does show signs of narcissistic personality disorder, as well as being oppositional and defiant. But, if we are to take the Dursleys seriously, he should be much more scarred than he is.

Snape is deeply scarred. A scarred human being is not a monster. BTW, whatever one thinks of this character, he does a great deal of rescuing.

But, getting back to the original essay, it is a very uncomfortable idea that people should be special *because* they have been victimized. It seems almost a justification for victimization, doesn't it?

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Arthur B

at 14:04 on 2009-03-22

But, if we are to take the Dursleys seriously, he should be much more scarred than he is.

Well, that's precisely it: in the first half of the series, at least, we are not meant to take the Dursleys at all seriously. They're comic relief, or if you want to be really generous a satirical swipe at how the mediocre and conformist hold back the talented and special. (How Objectivist!)

Rowling asks us to take the Dursleys seriously at more or less precisely the same time as the series as a whole goes to shit.

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http://mary-j-59.livejournal.com/

at 18:27 on 2009-03-22Oh, I agree, Arthur! Another commentator online called the Dursley scenes schizophrenic from the outset. They - the Dursleys - are meant to be laughable, and yet, at the same time, their ignorance and cruelty are meant to show how very special poor little Harry is. It's queasy-making, really. But the schizophrenic attitude towards victims and victimization only gets worse, imho, culminating in Harry's torture scene in DH. Torture isn't bad, you see. It's only bad if the bad guys do it. Ugh!

But I will now stop hijacking this thread. Dan makes very good points, really. And the prevalance of this sort of violence against female characters in fantasy lit is worrying. But maybe, in the case of women authors especially, it reflects what they observe in real life?

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http://arkan2.livejournal.com/

at 23:30 on 2009-03-24Another excellent essay, Dan. You have such a marvelous way with words, and a marvelous way of articulating what I stumble and struggle for months to try to spit out. I quoted part of your "Make Poverty History" section in a recent argument because it was so well said.

"Admittedly I do sometimes use “he” for gender-neutrality (there go my feminist credentials)"

I don't think so. It's so common in today's society that you have to be truly anal about politically correct language to get it right all the time. We're never going to be perfect (well, not until we've made certain disgraceful human practices such as poverty and sexism history anyway), but that doesn't automatically make us completely antifeminist, or whatever. (See what I mean about being articulate?)

That Victim Dilemma is a real problem for me. As a writer, I see it as my duty both to point out the injustices in the world, and to portray the heroism of people who struggle against that injustice. And while there is something noble about men confronting violence against women, or white people standing up for the rights of people of color, that sort of stuff can slide into colonialist propaganda (people in Africa need white people to solve their problems for them)

waaay

too easily.

On the other side of the coin, you run the risk of romanticizing the poor, putting women on a pedestal, depicting the natives as Noble Savages, and so on.

However, I don't think this is an insoluble problem, especially once an author/writer is made aware of the risks.

As a possible solution to the damaged/empowered women problem, I'm going to bring in the show which I spent my last comment bashing:

Veronica Mars

. (It's kinda like

Firefly

, actually: intolerable main character who we're supposed to adore; problematic depictions of feminism (poorly executed sincere attempts at feminism in one case, excessively skeevy portrayal of feminists in the other); occasional highly questionable morals; and a couple other problems like that--while the other 90% is good-to-brilliant.)

In

Veronica Mars

, the title character was raped a year before the first season. Several other female characters are raped or sexually abused over the course of the series.

In Veronica's case though, it's quite clear that (like in the Spider-Man example mentioned above) she's not kick-ass

because

she was raped, she's kick-ass despite it. The other female characters are all firmly established before their sexual abuse, and afterwards, they don't become stronger or more dedicated or whatever, they try to go on with their lives and try to get over the bad experience.

(mary-j-59)

“But, getting back to the original essay, it is a very uncomfortable idea that people should be special *because* they have been victimized. It seems almost a justification for victimization, doesn't it?

Ha, well put. It's closely related to the idea that child abuse builds character.

Of course, sometimes adversity

does

make people stronger and “build character” as they say. Of course, all conscious human attempts so far to replicate such “positive” adversity to date have to my knowledge been dismal failures.

Rowling asks us to take the Dursleys seriously at more or less precisely the same time as the series as a whole goes to shit.”

Yet another spot-on observation.

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Wardog

at 10:40 on 2009-03-25Hi Mary-J - you didn't hijack the thread at all, I'm glad Open-ID is allowing you to comment.

The I-would-say-probably-inadvertent portrayal of victimisation / abuse in Harry Potter is one of the *many* problematic aspects of the texts.

He should not be as intact as he seems to be - not that he's altogether intact; Harry does show signs of narcissistic personality disorder, as well as being oppositional and defiant.

I'm never to sure what extent this is intentional - I know authorial intent is shaky ground at the best of times but I don't think we're actually meant to believe Harry has been damaged by his abuse the hands of the Dursleys.

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Arthur B

at 10:56 on 2009-03-25If Harry shows signs of NPD it's probably more a consequence of everyone in the world telling him he's the messiah (oh, and the fact that he is, in fact, the messiah) than being slapped about by comedy fatties in middle-class purgatory.

I think the big problem with the Dursleys is that, when you take away their comic relief aspects, they're basically there to plaster over a gap in the timeline. Harry's character is defined entirely by the death of his parents, the death of Voldemort, and the reaction of various characters to both of those events. This leaves an 11 year gap in the timeline where nothing actually important happens to Harry. Rowling's solution is to um and ah and finally shut him in a closet for 11 years.

Someone has almost certainly done a fanfic where Hogwarts and the wizarding world in general is just a delusion Harry has constructed to get away from the grimness of his home life (or, alternately, he's just a hopeless schizophrenic and the Dursleys actually go out of their way to help him but can't stop him running away spending months homeless dreaming of being a wizard). That would miss the point, but it'd also be pretty funny.

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Dan H

at 15:02 on 2009-03-25

If Harry shows signs of NPD it's probably more a consequence of everyone in the world telling him he's the messiah (oh, and the fact that he is, in fact, the messiah) than being slapped about by comedy fatties in middle-class purgatory.

Ah the age old question: is it narcissism if the universe really does revolve around you?

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Wardog

at 15:38 on 2009-03-25Is that a piece of fairy cake?