#thats what i wanted to be when i grew up | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

maaarshieee · 2 years ago

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⎯⎯ ୨ This Guy's In love With You Pare ୧ ⎯⎯

ੈ♡˳ Alhaitham x Male!Reader *ೃ༄

ੈ♡˳ 6.9k words ┊ Fluff + Crack + Hurt/comfort *ೃ༄

ੈ♡˳ Masterlist *ೃ༄

author's note ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

written as part of @yae-publishing-house's MODERN AU EVENT! yeah i made it into a school thing as well BUT THE SONG I BASED IT OFF WAS IN A SCHOOL SETTING... the song is the title, made by 'parokya ni edgar',,, we need more male reader content and this song came across my yt reccs once again so i HAD to write smth based off it,, have a good day/night!! ALSO THIS GOES TO MY FELLOW PINOYS,,, kausapin nyo naman ako tangina HAHAHA,, pare means bro/dude,, honestly i think this isn't good enough but huddsa,, long fic hehe (more in tags 💕)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ cw: gay struggles, in denial of gay feelings AHAH, teens but same personalities, oblivious!reader, brief misunderstanding (reader is thought to be against gays), slight angst if you squint near the end, finding out your sexuality in the worst way possible /j, ooc alhaitham?, a whiplash of events and memories??? HAHAHAHA

"I'm telling you, that guy likes— loves you, dude."

Those words seemed to slow down time for you, the book in your hand long forgotten as your heart leaped up your throat. Heat spreads throughout your chest, creeping up your neck and to your cheek, and you aren't sure if it's from embarrassment from your friend's, Kaveh, assumption, or rage for such bullshit ideas he had started sprouting out of his good-for-nothing mouth. Blinking incredulously at Kaveh, who was, surprisingly, staring back at you with a rather serious expression, you shook your head in disagreement, glaring at the blonde beside you. When Kaveh said that you two needed to talk about something urgent, you should've known it was just one of his annoying antics, dragging you hurriedly all the way to the rooftop of your school for a silly joke.

With a soft sigh escaping your lips as your mind finally processed his nonsense, you threw a punch at Kaveh's unsuspecting arm, making him yelp in pain and glare back at you. "Hey! What the hell is that for!? I'm serious, you know!?" He hissed in pain, rubbing his aching shoulder as you proceeded to read once again, rolling your eyes. You couldn't believe you skipped lunch just for this, now you're hungry and distracted. Closing your book with a slam, you hit the hard cover against your forehead.

The burn on your cheeks hasn't left as your thoughts lingered on Kaveh's words. Alhaitham? Your long-time best friend? Love you? The thought seemed so absurd when Alhaitham acts like he could barely tolerate you. He was a student of high honors, always on top and taking the rightful title of Valedictorian. Alhaitham, without much effort, was impeccably famous all over school, both for his flawless marks and impressive looks, and his rather arrogant personality, mixed in with his logic-based mentality. Even if he wasn't well-liked across the school for his harsh comments and condescending impression of everyone, girls and boys alike couldn't help but swoon at his handsome but cold charms. And you? Well, you're just a normal student in the same school, with somewhat decent grades. One of the only reasons you haven't failed as much as you would've thought was because of Alhaitham. He told you one day that since he's your 'friend', he's obligated to at least ensure you won't drop out of school and have presentable grades for when you're bound to go to college. You weren't famous either, and there wasn't really anything about you that stands out, other than being Alhaitham's only friend, inside and outside of your school.

Plus, the only reason you and Alhaitham have stuck together for this long is that you've been friends since childhood, your parents being very close with one another and so the connection you've created ever since was difficult to sever now. Not like neither of you wants to part anyways, so you've grown fond of each other over the years, even if Alhaitham wasn't very expressive of it, so it would leave others to wonder if the two of you are truly friends or not. Both of you would always bicker, with Alhaitham scolding you for not taking your studies seriously and you remarking about him studying too much. Being with him only felt natural, being by his side a majority of the time you spent at school and home, letting him study at the seat next to you while you did anything you wanted to. Study sessions always included him, as well as lunch breaks, the end of school, holidays, and summer.

"You're thinking about him right now, are you?" Kaveh's voice snapped you back to reality, jerking your head away from the cover of your book as your eyes narrowed at the smug expression he wore on his face, arms crossed. "Don't tell me you love him too?"

Like a ticking time bomb, you could hear your heart pound against your ribcage in your ears, faint ringing in the distance, before your brain suddenly exploded at his accusation, your mouth forming into a snarl. "What!? Are you crazy!? We're both guys, Kaveh!" Although you were scowling at your friend that sat beside you, fuming at his nonsense blabbering, the heat on your face only intensified, and Kaveh was quick to take notice, teasing you even more. There was no way you'd like Alhaitham! Sure, he's been part of your life for so long that being without him feels utterly wrong, that you'd seek his company and would choose him over everyone else, doesn't mean you have romantic affections towards your best friend! That was just it, best friends, completely platonic and only favoring him more due to the time you've spent together, and knowing each other better than anyone else. And you're (somewhat) certain Alhaitham shares the same sentiment.

Kaveh was just being ridiculous, and you've had enough of it. You're going to prove to him that your best friend doesn't harbor feelings for you in that way, only seeing you as a trustworthy companion worthy of his time and friendship. With a scoff, you stood up from where sat, leaving Kaveh sputtering curses under his breath from your punches.

Sunlight peeked through the curtains of your room, dust and particles dancing from the light it brought as the cool wind made the plants sitting on your window sill bob and flutter. Right outside your door, you could hear the faint chattering of your family all across the living room, watching a comedy movie together, without you. Usually, you'd never miss out on the chance to be with your family to bond with them... But the past few days have left you in a daze and chaotic realization. You couldn't believe that you were saying this but... Kaveh may be actually right. Standing motionlessly in your bathroom, facing the mirror inches away from your face whilst your hands gripped the edges of the marble sink, your brows furrowed and eyes unfocused as you thought about your observations on Alhaitham, cold water dripping down your face.

At school, you've begun paying much more on everything Alhaitham does. From the way he talks, looks at people, reactions when others try talking to him, and certain things you do to get a rise from him. And to your horror, you've found out that Alhaitham does favor you over others, just not in the way you originally thought of.

Alhaitham has always looked at other people with this layer of frostiness no matter who they are, though he still does regard teachers and elders with a minute sense of respect, his eyes were still sharp as ever, calculating and impassive. But when he turns to look at you, you've taken note of how his eyes ever-so-slightly softened at the sight of you, the ice that would freeze strangers with a mere glance would melt, and instead of gazing at you with simple familiarity, you could sense a sort of fondness in his eyes as a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. What surprised you the most was when you often caught him staring at you— more specifically; your lips, when he had thought your attention was somewhere else, and not on him. Sometimes, he'd even subtly glance at your lips whilst you spoke to him, then return, maintaining eye contact with you, as if he was hinting at something he desired to do with them...

Alhaitham would typically avoid any sort of physical touch from others, and neither does engage in it. Why should he when he barely knew them, nor the fact that it was completely unnecessary? But when you wrap your arms around his shoulders as you walk down the halls together, nudge him with your elbow or lean against his body, he never spares you a glance, nor pushes you away. He never does, in fact, he seemed to rather indulge himself with your touch, relishing the warmth your hands bring and sometimes even initiating these touches himself. From wiping away messy crumbs from your lips, gently but firmly grabbing your wrist to lead you to the library where he always is, and pinching your cheek to wake you from your slumber to prevent you from getting caught by the teacher. You also noticed that he'd grow a tad bolder on some days, his touches lingering on your body, but would quickly return his hand to himself, flipping a page of the book he was reading. But you could tell, it was written all over his face, that he longed to touch you for longer periods, perhaps even hold you in his arms... Though, he didn't, not wanting to risk being the cause of making you uncomfortable.

You knew Alhaitham was very aware of how others would only come toward him to attain knowledge and assistance from one of the most brilliant students of the academy, hoping that if they managed to befriend him, their grades would exponentially increase! One thing they never took into consideration, though, is if they were up to Alhaitham's standards. But what are Alhaitham's standards? Does a person have to be sophisticated and at his level of smartness to befriend him? No, of course not, he could care less about who's smart or not, but no one will ever reach up to his very specific standards because, simply put, his standard is you. If Kaveh hadn't opened your eyes to this perspective of your dear best friend, you would've mistaken everything he has done for you as simple things friends do for each other. How come you haven't noticed it before? Were you so oblivious to this fact that you never caught wind of the double meaning of his actions that he only seemed to do for you? Using the excuse that you've never dated anyone yet was even too foolish! You hadn't realized that to everyone, it was fairly obvious and that it was only you who hadn't recognized that his feelings were more than platonic.

Hell, even your parents knew and they didn't even tell you! Cruel, you felt utterly betrayed by everyone you knew. But you were ultimately more upset at yourself. Seriously, who would buy you something that you had offhandedly mentioned a few years back, something that even you had forgotten, and give it to you on your recent birthday? Who else would buy you your favorite treats and snacks whenever he passes by a convenience store on the way to your house? Alhaitham would only ever agree if you were the one to ask him to help you with your studies— everyone else will be ignored and rejected. Alhaitham would only ever hear out criticism if it's from you. Alhaitham would always let things you did that didn't bide with the rules of the academy slide, pretending that you totally didn't accidentally break one of the bathroom doors with a click of his tongue and a brief scolding to be more careful, before pacing away from the crime scene.

You, you, you— it's always been you. Your belief that Alhaitham would never fancy a girl because his taste was too refined was a swing and a whole fucking miss from the actual truth, hitting you with the force of an oncoming truck. He wasn't interested in girls, not because the girls in the academy never aligned with his type, no, it was because he was fucking gay!

And you should've known better than to convey to Kaveh every single realization you've gathered throughout the span of a whole week, taking pleasure in watching you have an internal crisis at your conundrum. "I told you, and you didn't believe me!" Kaveh had a smug smirk on his lips that you longed to smack off his face. "Alhaitham is really fucking gay for you, bro." He relished your exasperated reactions, both hands on your face as he laughs out loud, slapping his knee. You buried your face further into your hands the more Kaveh teased you, face practically on flames on how hot it burned. A thought struck you, and you pulled your hands away from your face, eyes meeting the swaying leaves of potted plants that were littered across the rooftop of the academy (courtesy to Tighnari), the impending summer heat prickling the skin of your face, blinking away the brightness of your surroundings.

"Why hasn't he confessed to me then?" You asked no one in particular, eyes trailing back to your hands. Kaveh, who was stuffing his face with his lunch that he had brought up to the rooftop, without missing a beat, replied; "Because you're stupid enough to not see he's head over heels on you so he thinks you're straight." Frowning, you turned your head toward him with a raised brow, confused. "Think? But I am straight." Kaveh paused for a brief moment, before letting out a humored snort and shaking his head in disbelief. "Yeah right." That was his only comment and this earned another angered punch on his arm.

"Agh! Stop punching me when I'm only stating facts!" Kaveh huffed, rubbing his bruising arm once more, before smirking at you again, pointing a finger at you. "But with how much you're paying attention to him and acting weirdly, he'd confess to you sooner or later."

What he said made your heart race, because you had your own growing suspicions, as much as you'd hate to admit it. The moment Alhaitham detected your growing awareness of his affections toward you and hadn't distanced yourself from him upon revelation, he was becoming more audacious. Just a few minutes ago, before you ran off with Kaveh up the stairs, Alhaitham's managed to caress your cheek with the bullshit excuse that there was something on your face, and you knew that he wasn't hiding his true intentions either anymore, enjoying seeing you at a loss of words when his hand rested on the small of your back to lead you somewhere instead of typically grabbing your wrist, or compliment you out of the blue, even if you didn't do anything particularly outstanding.

It was so natural for Alhaitham, to let his actions speak so loudly what he truly felt without a trace of shame in his handsome features (wait, since when did you start thinking he's handsome?), with a confident poise, honeyed words that were a huge contrast to his stone cold character would roll off his tongue so smoothly that you'd find yourself drowning in his intense emotions. It throws you off, catches you off guard, makes your head all fuzzy, and then suddenly, you're hyper-aware of everything he does. Just for how long was he waiting for you to notice, so he could proceed without such excessive caution? He's been hanging out in your house every day, after every school, doing nothing in particular together. Since when has Alhaitham undoubtedly fallen for you? Understanding the only possible truth that Alhaitham had never spoken to you of his true feelings was because he was, what, afraid to risk a friendship that has lasted since you were children? It still baffles you to this day.

Despite Alhaitham's actions, you find yourself... yearning for more. How come? Well, you're certainly not gay. Perhaps you just enjoyed the attention he gave you? (He's with you every day, and doesn't pay mind to others. All of his attention has always been on you.) Perhaps you were just reassured that Alhaitham truly did like you and didn't think of you as a horrible person that he's stuck with? (Wait, since when, were you insecure—?) Whatever, it was, it isn't because you're gay! You don't reciprocate those romantic feelings on your best friend (how can you be so sure?)!

After a long, unbearable silence, you leaned back against the wall and ran your hand through your hair, heaving a deep sigh. This was all Kaveh's fault. Ever since he said those not-so-bullshit words to you, you've never been so conflicted about what you think of Alhaitham, and, unfortunately, of yourself. You weren't even sure if you were straight or not because you'd never had a crush on a girl because Alhaitham was the one hogging most of your attention.

"Yeah, I know."

Tonight is the night you will die.

And it is all your parents' fault.

They just had to ask Alhaitham over for dinner, and your mother had to suggest that he should sleep over for the night. Right after you told them that you had finally realized his feelings for you too! They mean well, that's for sure, but holy hell, you're about to lose your mind with how nervous you are. It wasn't the first time Alhaitham would be sleeping over at your house, but it was his first time sleeping over with both of you aware of one's feelings for the other. The urge to scream and run off by jumping out of your window has never been stronger. But you stayed, already taking out the extra mattress your family bought for Alhaitham's use whenever he stayed over, his pillows and blankets, placing them right on the floor, next to your bed. Tidying up your bedroom distracts you, straightening your sheets and comforter, and watering your plants. By the time you finished, your mother called you down for dinner and to open the door for your best friend.

Though you were originally anxious about Alhaitham's sleepover, you knew you could trust Alhaitham not to step over the line and make you feel uncomfortable. You were certain that it was the opposite of what Alhaitham would want, and that even if he does harbor romantic feelings for you, he would never force it upon you in a way that would leave you to tears. So you pretended it was as if you were unaware once again, acting how you'd normally do when Alhaitham would come over; excited and already dragging him inside your home to greet your parents (he calls your parents 'auntie' and uncle' and it was the last nail of your coffin filled with ever-so-late awareness).

And dinner was the same as always, filled with happy chattering and laughter, all of you not minding Alhaitham's bluntness nor his ramblings once one of your parents brought up a topic that piques his interest. They've known Alhaitham for as long as you have, growing fond of the boy as if he was their own. And you can tell that he shares the view, given how he was softly smiling the whole time you had dinner. After that, the two of you went straight to your bedroom when your mother rejected both of your offers to help in the kitchen and began talking about anything that comes to mind; be it school, plans for the next few days, a hobby, interesting facts or your annoying friend, Kaveh. At this point and time, the unspoken feelings he has for you completely slipped from your mind as the comfortable presence of your best friend settles beside you, listening to you rant about a new video game that was going to be released in summer, beaming in excitement, soliciting a quiet chuckle from Alhaitham.

But Alhaitham had to bring you back to reality once the both of you were tucked in comfortably in your own beds, ready to finally call it a day and just fall asleep. His words, though soft and low, his soothing voice turned into unpleasant ringing in your ears with the words he spoke. "Hey, are you still awake?" It was a simple question, but it made you stiff on your bed, squeezing your eyes shut to hide the fact that you were still awake, biting on your bottom lip. "I have something to confess to you." The pits of your stomach twisted as your heartbeat quickened as you had a sliver of hunch about what was about to transpire. Then, like a bucket of cold water was thrown all over your body, the grip you had on your sheets tightened when you heard the hushed shifting of his clothes, his presence nearing your form, your back facing him. "I like you more than you could ever imagine." He whispered against your ear, his hot breath hitting your skin, shivering upon the contact. Your breath hitched at his confession, your head spinning at how hot your cheeks burned, but you kept your eyes closed, not giving a single care anymore even if he knew that you were still awake. For a while, the both of you stayed like that, waiting for something to happen, for one of you to make a move with bated breaths... Before Alhaitham eventually pulled away from your 'sleeping' form, a small sigh left his lips. "C'mon, wake up." Alhaitham persisted, "Stop pretending to be asleep." He poked your side, and your body twitched, now scowling in annoyance and further embarrassment at your ticklishness. He tried a few more times, but you continued to ignore him, trying your best to fall asleep.

Fine then, Alhaitham huffed through his nose. He could deal with you tomorrow morning, after all. So he went back to his bed, lay down, and fell asleep with a smile on his lips. What Alhaitham didn't expect was for you to fully ignore him for the next few days. Upon waking up, he was surprised to hear from your father that you had woken up quite early before he could and managed to silently prepare yourself for school without waking him up. When Alhaitham got to school, he spent his classes all alone in his seat, your assigned chair that was always beside him always empty in every class the two of you shared. You've skipped classes beforehand, but he never thought you'd skip classes you had together. And while you'd often hang out with Kaveh on the rooftop to eat lunch, he was surprised to see Kaveh at their usual table without you, with Kaveh not knowing where you were because he had not seen you for the whole day. It's been like that ever since his verbal confession, with you skipping classes, exchanging seats with other students just to be far away from Alhaitham, and even not going to school at all. It may not show, but he was extremely worried.

It really wasn't your intention to avoid Alhaitham. You genuinely wanted to talk to him after what happened in your little sleepover, but being near Alhaitham would send your heart into a fucking frenzy and you'd be too lightheaded to properly speak to him. For the sake of your own survival, you had to avoid him until you've maintained a clear head around him. You didn't mean to worry him, and you definitely didn't mean to give him the wrong signals. After every school, he'd stop by your house, asking if you were home or if you were okay, and your parents would continuously deny him from entering your home as per your wishes. You kept leaving his messages on read too, the guilt slowly accumulating in your heart until it was about to burst. Messages from Kaveh told you that Alhaitham hasn't notably been doing well, lunches spent worrying about you or studying even more, and bags forming under his eyes as he thought of the possibilities as to why you were avoiding him.

Honestly? It sucked. You don't even remember the reason why you're avoiding him anymore in the first place, but the butterflies that filled up your stomach keep fluttering at the mere thought of Alhaitham, your heart beating so fast you believe you were about to die from a heart attack. Just why were you feeling like this? It was as if you were some lovesick girl that couldn't approach her crush— you dropped the glass of water you were holding in your hand, and the sound of shattering glass was akin to how your view of your entire life has shattered right before your eyes.

Was that it? The reason why your thoughts would race when you see him? The reason why your heart pounds so hard when he sends a smile your way, only for your eyes to see? Why you intrinsically stick by his side when you find him in the midst of a crowd? Why you feel much more relaxed with him than being in a room with a girl who was hinting that she liked you? Is that the reason why your mind has always been infested with the thought of your best friend? That when you go out with others, you'd be thinking wistfully of Alhaitham because he wasn't there with you? The constant longing, the envy you feel when girls stare for far too long, the absolute pride you feel when he wins at international academic contests. You felt goosebumps form on your forearms as you gripped the edge of the kitchen counter. Holy fuck... You were...

"Sweetie?" The sweet, gentle voice of your mother entered the premises of the kitchen with a small gasp escaping her lips when she caught sight of the shattered glass littered across the floor, rushing towards your paling form. "Are you okay? What happened? You look like you've seen a ghost!" She queried worriedly, wiping away the cold sweat that formed on your forehead as you wrapped your arms around your mother, bathing in her loving presence and burying your face onto your shoulder. "Dear me, you're shaking! Just what happened?" Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, you finally found your voice to speak.

"I think... I'm gay..."

Silence...

Then you heard your mother hold back a snort, and your heart broke to a million pieces at this utter betrayal. But she wasn't making fun of you, the hug she was giving you says that much, but she was quite amused that it took you this long to figure it out. Caressing the back of your head with her hand and a tender kiss on your temple, she cooed lovingly as she felt your tears wet her shoulders, reassuring as much as she can that she accepts you wholeheartedly, you were her son after all, nothing could ever change that fact. Just as your breathing was beginning to sync with hers, gradually calming down on your own terms in your mother's arms, she suddenly whispered; "We've known since you were little."

You choked on your spit, startled at her as-a-matter-of-fact tone of voice, pulling away from the hug as you stared at her with wide, unbelieving eyes.

"What do you mean by that!?"

For the first time that week, you finally met Alhaitham outside of school.

You were on your way to the grocery store to buy some ingredients before tonight's dinner, not paying much attention to your surroundings as your head was lost in the clouds. The skies were painted with warm orange, red and yellow hues as the sun began its descent, the moon peeking around the corner for its rise. Kids across the street were beginning to retreat back into their homes, waving their goodbyes and promising to play with each other once again the next day. It made you feel nostalgic, it felt like it was just yesterday when you were as carefree as the children in your neighborhood, playing with friends. Well, if you count running across the grass fields while Alhaitham read a book from afar as 'playing with friends'. A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips, though it was quickly wiped off when a hand suddenly gripped your wrist with such force you thought that they were going to break it. A sense of urgency washed through your body as the peace and tranquility of your walk were ruined by the unexpected perpetrator who grabbed you, but before you could land a punch on their face, you were swift to stop yourself from doing so upon recognizing who it was.

"Alhaitham, what the hell— hey! Let go, man!"

You wriggled in his grasp when he started dragging you away from the direction of the grocery store, lightly hitting his back when his grip only tightened on your wrist, panic rising in your mind. You had no intention of dragging your avoidance on Alhaitham any longer, deciding that you'd come face to face with him once you start attending classes completely to make up for your absences and skipping, but you hadn't anticipated that you'd meet him on your way to buy some ingredients, much less drag you to the park. Eventually, you gave up on trying to escape confrontation with Alhaitham, the guilt that you'd been ignoring for the past week gnawed on your insides as you followed him on the familiar path. You recognized this part of the park, at the edge of the forest where your parents would chastise you for always trying to cross the rickety fence that separates the park and the forest. Being the rowdier child, you'd always try to climb the fence only to be slapped in the face by Alhaitham's small hand. His steps finally came to an end in front of the lone tree that the fence had to swerve around to not chop it down. It was a tree you were fond of, climbing up its branches just to shake off leaves onto Alhaitham since he liked to read under its shade, giggling at his angered yells.

Letting go of your wrist, Alhaitham crossed his arms and turned to face you with a very cold look on his face, a type of expression he has never directed at you before, sending shivers up your spine. You couldn't help but give him a sheepish smile that wavered under his suffocating gaze, rubbing the back of your neck. "Haha... Hey..."

"You have a minute to give sufficient reasons, not excuses, as to why you've been avoiding me for the whole week; so much so that you're willing to risk your academic records for the sake of not coming eye to eye with me," Alhaitham demanded, not asked, of you, his eyes narrowing at your anxious fidgeting. Swallowing the shame that rose up to your throat, you opened your mouth to try and explain yourself, but the only thing you could make out was a small meek noise, before shutting your mouth once more, eyes boring onto the grass that flowed with the wind. A minute has passed and neither of you has said a single word, Alhaitham's stare slowly intensifies with every passing second, and you shrink down on yourself as the impulse to run away, to avoid him again grows more and more tempting. Just as you were about to open your mouth to attempt to speak, Alhaitham let out a long, drawn-out sigh, his expression once filled with seriousness morphing into a much somber one, averting his gaze from you. Caught off guard by the sudden change of mood, the words on the tip of your tongue were blown off by the wind at what he said in a low, gentle tone as he took a step toward you. "I... Apologize if I made you extremely uncomfortable with my confession..."

Darkness was slowly engulfing the skies as the stars began to twinkle down on you, faint chirping of crickets can be heard all around you as fireflies, one by one began lighting up on the spot where you stood. Ah, you remember now. During your childhood, you'd throw rocks at Alhaitham's window, in the dead of night, to sneak him out to the park, to the spot you'd always hang out at the edge of the forest to watch the fireflies light up the night sky, dancing and fluttering around the tree where you shared a lot of memories together. You'd force Alhaitham to catch fireflies with you, and every time he'd begrudgingly agree, you'd be graced with the image of a usual stoic boy turn into a carefree, fun-loving boy that laughed as much as you did, running around to catch more fireflies that you then roll onto the grass as he trips. Your heart clenched at those memories, your eyes now staring deeply into his teal eyes that glinted with indefinite shades of maroon, the sincerity sinking deep into your skin as he continued to speak, the yellow lighting highlighting his pretty face, filled with regret and a forlorn frown etched on his lips. "I just want you to know that you needn't return my affections for you and that I would never force them onto you. After all, I've known you forever and... I would love to keep the friendship we've made..." If it wasn't for fireflies lighting up your darkening surroundings, you wouldn't have seen how his eyes began to glisten, the way his hands lightly trembled as he forced himself to stop it.

"You still have a friend in me that you can depend on." Bowing down his head, his bangs completely covering his eyes, hands both clenched into fists at his sides. "So, please, if you could just forget everything I said and..." Everything after that part became muffled in your eyes, your emotions fluctuating inside your mind. But you know for certain that you weren't about to reject Alhaitham, no, not when your heart thrummed at the thought of his touch, not when the tips of your ears burned at the sight of him after so long. The years you've spent with Alhaitham were only filled with meaningful experiences with one another, and not short of joy. There were times of disagreements, of days where the days were filled with rain as the two of you loathed one another with such intensity, in the end, you would make up and fix what needed to be fixed, learning from past mistakes and understanding each other on a whole different level. You don't spend much time apart, and when you do, both of you long for each other, as if a piece from a puzzle has been torn off, and once that piece was put back to its rightful place, it will cling onto each other for as long as they could, basking with the other's presence and filling the void of loneliness that drilled into your hearts.

Without a doubt, you love Alhaitham, you've always had, and you regrettably only learned only now, letting him go through years of yearning and then heartbreak for your cowardice. So, in the heat of the moment, with the light that's faintly emitting from each firefly that danced around like stars in the night blurring into the background as you took a step forward, inching your faces close to each other until you could feel his breath against your lips. Alhaitham's breath caught in his throat, about to recoil from your proximity, only to be stopped by your hands holding onto his broad shoulders. After a brief moment of hesitance, you closed your eyes and closed the gap between you, your arms slowly wrapped around his neck as you pressed your body against his. He went frigid under your touch, eyes blown wide at the sensation of your lips pressed against his, clearly inexperienced, but eager to express that you had struggled to show him in simple actions and through words. When you were about to retract from the kiss, suddenly becoming insecure at his lack of reciprocation, Alhaitham's hands firmly gripped your hips, tilting his head to the side to deepen the kiss that you had initiated, by your own free will, and guided your lips to properly kiss until the fuzziness on your lips traveled all the way up to your head, growing weak on your knees.

Once you've finally parted to breathe some air, you buried your face onto his neck, your lips trembling at how good he was at kissing. Geez, what the hell? You could barely think straight after that. Maybe it was the sudden spike in adrenaline flowing through your veins when Alhaitham had dragged you back into this old spot of your childhood, now came crashing down after the kiss full of bliss as you lean your weight against Alhaitham's body for support, his arms wrapping around your torso. Letting out a shaky breath, you murmured against his skin, "'M sorry for avoiding you... I hadn't meant it— I just grew afraid for no reason when you suddenly confessed, even if I knew you had romantic feelings for me for quite some time..." The grip you had on his clothes tightened as your voice grew more and more silent, barely above a whisper at this point, and yet Alhaitham heard you loud and clear, amidst the loud chirping of crickets and the sounds of leaves swaying along the wind,

"I drowned in so many emotions, I was so overwhelmed just at catching a glimpse of you... Then I realized that, yeah, I'm fucking gay too." He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in, his embrace tightening around you reassuringly, encouraging you to go on. Choking back a sob, you shamefully tried to stop your tears from falling, heart painfully pounding against your chest, "And it fucking upsets me for not realizing that I've loved you from the start, that in my whole life, I thought I was straight when in actuality, I was just oblivious with how I felt towards you... I'm so sorry, Alhaitham..."

Ah, so that's how it is. It wasn't sheer disgust of his feelings for you, nor he had made you extremely uncomfortable. It pains him that he had thought of the worst, jumping to conclusions without further proof to solidify his assumptions on how you felt. He had boasted that he thinks based on rationality and logic only, but when it comes to you? His mind becomes a jumbled mess of emotions, it was as if his heart took full reign of his mind and body. "Please don't apologize, I understand." He whispered softly, his hand caressing the back of your head and playing with the hem of your shirt. He could feel your heart beating against his, body shaking as you held on desperately to his clothes. "I apologize for confessing at such an unpleasant time, for making you go through such a rough actualization of your sexuality..." The rumble of his chest at each word he spoke was enough to reduce your cries into nothingness, sniffling and wiping your tears with your hands.

With a soft grunt, you laid your cheek against his shoulder, completely melting in his arms the both of you got down on the ground, Alhaitham leaning against the tree and you on his lap. "Okay, let's stop apologizing to one another... I think we're even now..." Alhaitham agreed with a nod, keeping you close to him as he watched the fireflies finally disappear into the night, the moon now high above the skies. Pulling your head away from his shoulder, you peered into Alhaitham's eyes, a curious glint in your eyes. "Where did you learn how to kiss like that?" You questioned him, knowing full well that he's never been in a relationship, both due to his personality and adoration towards you. "I read books." His response left you speechless, staring at him with pure disbelief. Alhaitham only raised a brow at you, the corners of his lips curling up into an amused smile. "What? It proved to be effective, right? You were shaking against me after we parted."

Heat blossomed all throughout your face and onto the tips of your ears as you glared daggers at Alhaitham, strongly flustered upon recalling your kiss. True, it did leave you quivering, but he didn't have to rub it in your face! "You fucking nerd..." You grumbled under your breath, slapping a hand on his arm. Stupidly enough, you felt butterflies annoyingly flutter inside your stomach when Alhaitham let out a wholehearted laugh at your reaction, something you haven't heard in ages suddenly emerging out of nowhere. Perhaps it was the influence of the nostalgia of his memorable spot you've revisited after all those years, it was a place where you remember most of his laughs, giggles, and bright smiles.

God, you hated love. It was so sappy and cliche and it makes you impeccably dumb. Ugh. You could feel yourself cringing at the words you were about to say. "Ah but... that was my first kiss, and you can really tell I'm not really good at it..." Alhaitham hummed in acknowledgment, signaling for you to go on. "Could you... teach me how to kiss? Perhaps give me a live demonstration too?" You suggest, your hand cupping his cheek as you adoringly caressed it. A smug smirk stretched his lips as he leaned his face close to yours once more, only inches apart. "Of course, I'll gladly lend my knowledge to such an eager learner."

And with that, Alhaitham pulled you into a slow, passionate, and loving kiss. Two missing pieces finally put together, languidly moving against each other, taking the other deeper to devour more. The faint vibrations of your phone in your pocket were ignored as the minutes went by. You'll apologize to your parents later on, knowing full well that they'd forgive you without a second thought if they knew you were making out with your childhood best friend in your secret spot in the park.

Well, they don't need to know about that part, but you honestly couldn't care less at the moment, too lost in the bliss of finally, through years of obliviousness, being together, as the world intended you to be.

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#yaepublishinghouse #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham x male reader #genshin x reader #genshin x male reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x male reader #:;marshie.writes #:;oneshots #:;event.writing #:;alhaitham #i want more gay panic fics like this #i think its #very nice to address this kind of coming to terms of your own sexuality #and while this was quick acceptance since its a crack fic #accepting that youre gay and that you're inlove with someone of the same gender can be tough #especially if you grew up in an environment that taught you that being gay would send you to hell #not everyone have the ability of acceptance as others #is just what i think tbh #maybe im just making shit up but thats how i fuckin felt when i realized after years of being transphobic and homophobic (grew up in-#a catholic country) that im transmasc and gay #horrible tbh but when u surround urself wtih ppl who accept for who u are #it gets easy :)#my fav trope in fil media is when a gay character comes out of the closet and everyone's like 'we know' HAHAAHHA #wrote reader like a bl mc...

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