#that's a huge step in personal growth and I did it on my own

[myheartxmyman]

Right now I feel so old and sad at the same time. Those feelings are so strong I feel paralyzed and slow.

[cokoweee]

OKAY.

Took me WAY too long to finally analyze this bad boy but I’m HERE NOW-

Let’s begin. ~

First off- THIS BACKGROUND.

Look at it. Just- LOOK AT IT. This seriously looks like a storyboard from a Disney movie, you wickedly talented person, you. The lights, shading, and perspective are all GORGEOUS.

Next.

We know that Donnie has a huge struggle with drinking ever since his family passed. Drunkenness is what helped him through that horrible time, thrusting himself into the inebriating arms of the liquid that helps him forget and live without feeling all the pain.

And yet- there’s this newest update. Here at an extravagant party, an event where you’re ENCOURAGED to overindulge on the drinks, Donnie has had about a sip. That’s all.

And here he’s actually thinking that he won’t finish it. A drink. In his hand. His old friend that has helped him through every night of his miserable life- he’s refusing completely on his own.

Donnie’s seriously grown so much. 🥹 Getting to know Kendra, having the device in his head removed, and truly FEELING emotions again have been helpful steps in his mental and emotional recovery.

And even how much he and Kendra have grown together- how he protects her and how she fights for him.

And here’s a nice little comparison- DONNIE is helping Kendra when SHE’s drunk. We’ve seen this before, but in reverse! Tello has always been the one in the inebriated pov, but here he’s helping and protecting Kendra.

And that’s just lovely to see. 💜

Even here, Donnie’s having a “spidey sense” moment looking out for Kendra. As well as AGAIN refusing a drink.

Character 👏 growth 👏 YESSSS

And now we get to this panel. And to an important question we’ve ALL been worrying about:

What happened to Kendra while Donnie and her were separated at Big Mamas?

I don’t know about you guys, but I was not convinced that everything was a-okay on Kendra’s end. After she emerged from the bathroom, she was acting strange. Like- not Kendra strange. Almost like she was drunk enough to be calm- but we didn’t see any alcohol- so hmmmmm???????

And then her and Donnie go on a flippin musical date-night montage trying on outfits for Big Mamas party. And AGAIN. Kendra is NOT acting like herself.

And Donnie catches this too, the panel before this one asking if Big Mama did something to Kendra.

And THIS is her reply-

Sooooo OKAY. 😦👌 Now we know that Kendra has most likely seen Big Mamas spider lady form. Fantastic. But what Kendra says AFTER is what’s really throwing me for a loop-

“She could literally peel me like a shrimp before I get the chance to scream.”

That… sounds like a threat from Big Mama. Just add a few “biddlidoos and bobsquinkles”…

So. WHAT. The FRICK HAPPENED.

Also… “watched her eat a bus-boy”

Eh SCUSEEEE ME?!?!?…..

*brain attempting to process information noises*

To add on to the mystery of what’s going on with Kendra- she says THIS.

Donnie’s ACTUAL name. Not “Othello” not “dummy” not “nerd”… she called him by his true name.

THAT AINT NORMAL.

And then- the biggest thing in this update that exploded my perception of time and space~

*brain fizzling and popping noises*

THIS IS ALL WRONG- THEY WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO- NOT NOW- AND KENDRAS MORE INEBRIATED THAN JACK SPARROW-

She doesn’t even know what that kiss just did to Donnie’s brain. (Nevermind his HEART). She probably won’t even remember it after that night-

AAAAA COKO HOW CAN THIS BE SO AMAZING and DEVASTATING at the same TIMEEEE??

(But seriously your story is amazing and I’m on the edge of my seat waiting for what happens next!!)

Okay I’m done. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk

Drink water and when you can see what the sun looks like. ;)

~ Melissa

Thank FUCK the background was okay cause I struggle with that shit so much. Love seeing asks like these makes me all giggly kickin my feet n shit like a goof

Donnie’s finally in his “slightly better kinda” arc lol. Bout time innit? He’s been blended enough. Speaking of blenders I’ve been having Kendra in hers 🤓 and she ain’t done yet

Glad you liked the update tho! Actually a lot of yall did hot DAMN. I was planning to have atleast three this week but my backs killin me and I’m bein too slow.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

QL Things That Made Me Happy in 2024

It's the end of the year, and people are doing a lot of cute things with superlatives and such, but with my limited bandwidth, I'm gonna keep it simple. Those who follow me know I am here to have a good time, and I like to focus on what brings me joy. 2025 is going to be a rough one, and I know I'm going to continue to need the QL space to help me emotionally cope, so if you'll indulge me, I want to just roll around in the good and the happy for a bit.

(Note, there is also a ton of 2024 content I did not have time to watch, so this does not capture everything good that happened this year!)

Diversity of Genre

Every year we're breaking a little bit more new ground! I'm particularly excited to be seeing more mystery/thriller, for both our BLs & GLs. Robots, vampires, animals turned human, and hopefully soon, mermen. We're getting weirder and wilder, and I am here for it.

Baby Steps in Representation

I know, I know, we all want it to get all better right now, but as someone in my fifth decade of life, I've also seen how small step after small step over the years can lead to huge changes. And in a world where a lot of people are trying to drag us backwards, it's important to keep pushing forward, and celebrate each successful step, even when it feels like it's not enough. (And keep advocating for more, of course!)

Continuing to Give Friendship Its Due

Amazing friend groups are fortunately a QL staple, and this year was no different. We got so much good friend representation this year!

Japan Being Japan

The very top at efficient story-telling, whether it be hitting your heart or tearing it apart.

Taiwan Being Taiwan

Never change Taiwan. Just keep feeding me, pretty please.

Acting Highlights

Wow, did we get some incredible performances this year. Way more than I can list here, but here's a few that came immediately to mind.

Special Mentions

ie stuff that didn't fit under one of the above categories.

A year of TayNew

Step one, be the absolute most in the cutest shit ever. Step two, queer up a found family story. Step three, celebrate owning 2024. (And we get more of them in 2025!)

Big getting his due

We've been chomping at the bit for a Big Thanakorn lead role for ages, and our man delivered! And we're gonna get more next year!

A win for creative independence

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am so fucking proud of Yin and War. They did something incredibly difficult at great personal cost, and made something genuinely unique. Jack & Joker had a lot of layers, including a lot of cultural depth, along with social commentary. That kind of thing is always going to alienate some people, but that's part of what impressed me so much. If they wanted to make something to appeal to the most generic possible audience, they would have done it. They swung big, and made an impact, and I hope it opens up so much more opportunity for them.

When talent grows exponentially

One of my favorite things about having been into QL for a while now is getting to see actors grow and develop past their initial roles. Often the raw talent is there from the beginning, but as in all careers there is a benefit from experience, the right kind of support, and the right opportunities.

2 Moons 2 was a largely forgettable series that managed to land some unforgettable talent, and both Joong and Pavel were highlights. They've both done so well, but in this particular case, I need to rave about Joong's growth in his performance as Fadel. The entire cast is rocking it in Heart Killers, Dunk is also doing incredible, but I have such a soft spot for the boy I immediately fell for way back in my first year of BL, and seeing him steal scenes from some of my all time favorite GMMTV actors. Well done, bebe, well done.

In summary

This doesn't remotely encompass everything (I didn't even get to all the delightful spice from this year!), I am limited by time and image restrictions per post, but as always, I am so grateful to have discovered this arena of media and this space in which to squee about it, and I am endlessly grateful for the people in this space who bring positivity, nuance, grace, compassion, caring, open-mindedness, humility, and curiosity to my dash.

Happy New Year, y'all.

[thehanalia]

The Subtle Art of Becoming "That Girl" in 2024 🌸✨

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Hello beautiful souls! It's me, Hana. If you are new reader then

Hi! I’m Hanalia and I want to empower women to prioritize their well-being while pursuing their dreams🌟

Today, I woke up feeling extra inspired by the #thatgirl aesthetic. You know her – she's the girl who embodies self-love, radiates positivity, and just seems to have her life beautifully organized. Personally, I believe, she's not just a trend; she's a movement towards becoming the best version of ourselves. And guess what? Becoming "that girl" isn't about perfection; it's about progress. It's about embracing the journey of self-improvement, self-care, and love. So, let's dive into a few ways you can bring a little bit of "that girl" magic into your everyday life:

1. Morning Rituals ✨

Start your day with purpose. Whether it's a morning skincare routine, meditation, or writing down your thoughts in a daily planner, find what centers you. If you have been following me for a while then you know how important this is. Remember, it's these small rituals that set the tone for a productive, positive day.

2. Self-Care Sundays 🛁

Dedicate time each week to pamper yourself. This could be a long bath, a skincare routine, or even a cozy evening with a book. It's all about showing yourself some love and appreciation.

I remember back in my childhood my older sister used to always have pamper sundays and I would always try and follow her footsteps however, back then your girl was as lazy as one can be...so zero exceptions. Be better than me girls and make the future you be proud.

3. Clean Girl Aesthetic 🌿

Embrace the clean girl aesthetic with a minimalist wardrobe, clean makeup looks, and a tidy space. A clutter-free environment not only looks good but also brings a sense of calm and order to your mind. Clean home = clean mind + remember clean body

4. Find Your Fitness Love 💕

Whether it's pink pilates, yoga, or a brisk walk in the park, find a physical activity that you love. It's not just about the physical benefits but the mental clarity and energy boost it brings.

5. Nourish to Flourish 🍓

Eating well is a form of self-respect. Fill your plate with colors, textures, and nutrients. It's not just about looking good, but feeling good from the inside out.

6. Learn and Grow 🌱

Embrace new hobbies, read more books, and challenge yourself to learn something new often. Growth is a huge part of becoming "that girl".

7. Stay Organized 📒

Invest in a good daily planner to keep track of your goals, appointments, and to-dos. There's something incredibly satisfying about ticking off tasks and staying on top of your game.

And here's a little secret for you: part of my "that girl" journey includes creating pieces that speak to my soul. I stumbled upon this adorable shop aka my Shop [GlowInGrow] that just screams self-care and love. My THAT GIRL planner is something that I did with love and my own hands. For me, it's not just a planner, it's my way of helping others because that's what being her is. Being her means she shares her secrets to help the rest of the girlies. MESSAGE ME FOR THE PROMO CODE *hint*

Also this planner has got you covered from setting your intentions and tracking your habits to planning your meals and self-care routines perfect for anyone looking to add that extra touch of mindfulness and beauty to their daily routine. It's subtle, but oh, so beautiful. 🌟

AND REMEMBER;

Becoming "that girl" isn't an overnight transformation. It's about making small, meaningful changes that align with who you are and who you aspire to be. Let's embrace this journey together, one step at a time. 💕

Last but not least, at the end of your journey of becoming that girl awaits the future who is The Girl!

Stay safe and stay hot...

With Love, Hanalia

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[scrumptiousstuffs]

I think in terms of numbers they have similar ones tho First had more "main roles" before Not Me than Khao did before TC

he was in the main cast of Blacklist, Wolf and the Shipper and had a fairly big role in Wake Up Ladies the only downside was that he was very typecasted as the comedic character all his roles if we look at it were of the funny goofball his first more dramatic roles were in Not Me and F4 Thailand

Khao on the other hand before TC only played supporting characters My Tee, 2gether, ATOTS, Blacklist and charming step mom small characters that were quite diverse compared to First but had few to them TC did bring him to more light, sadly his role in 55:15 seems very underrated his second hig roles after TC

Going back to what I was saying First had a lot of more main characters compared to Khao so I can see how he was more popular compared, plus he did variety shows too like that one with Bright and Gunsmile and then School Rangers but I feel like he was trying too hard to fit a mold they wanted to cast for him and he was able to break through first with Not Me and then with Khao and the show they did together

this ask became a mess I tried to make a point but got sidetracked lol, last thing I will say is that he seems to feel a lot more confotable now and very proud of his roles and loving working with Khao so people that abbandoned him cuz "he jumped ship" can suck it and watch whatever they want they are the ones losing

I don’t think your ask is a mess at all. I get what you are trying to say.

First’s roles prior to Not Me/F4 always had him in a comedic role, although I will argue The Shipper is more than that. And you are right (with First himself alluding in recent interviews), rookie First was trying very hard to fit in and mold himself into what he thought viewers/fans expect of him.

I think there was an earlier interview (around TE time) where he actually admitted he is an introvert and likes to keep to himself, if possible. In another interview, he even said if it was just him and Khao, the latter is the chattier of the 2.

So, rookie First who always seems so cheerful, energetic and chatty is likely First still trying to find himself.

Got to agree that post-TE, he has truly blossom and become so much more settled in his own skin. Khaotung is the same, albeit in a different way. Like you say anon, these 2 just keeps getting stronger and stronger once they paired up - be it with their acting career or personal growth.

And I think a huge chunk of it is owned to the fact they have each other. They have always been honest in saying how they are each other biggest advocates and fans.

Anyway, I’m seated and cannot wait to see what 2025 (and beyond) will bring for them!!

P/S: I agree with you about 55:15 never too late being super under-rated (I will never stop harping how good it is!! Such a criminal it didn’t get much coverage. Khaotung, Piploy and View were my fav in that show!)

[heliza24]

Let’s talk about parallels between Wilhelm and Sara in Season 3 of Young Royals

Because there are so many! This is a continuation of sorts of this meta that I wrote about them being A and B plot protagonists in season 1 and 2. I don’t know that I would describe them exactly that way in season 3, but I do think their plots, character arcs, and themes are meant to mirror each other very closely this season.

One of my favorite things about the parallels between Wilhelm and Sara this season is that comparing them really makes you hold Sara’s friendship with Felice on the same level as Wilhelm’s romantic relationship with Simon (and Sara’s with August) which I think is so important. Both Wilhelm and Sara go through breakups over the course of the season (I think Felice’s reaction especially frames her friendship breakup with Sara similarly to a romantic breakup, which I love). And both of their arcs are about mending those relationships.

Sara and Wilhelm both need to experience the world outside of Hillerska before they can mend those relationships. Sara is able to glimpse some independence, even just through getting her license. The whole world is open to her now, as Felice says in ep 6. I don’t know that she would have been able to make her decision not to go back to August without experiencing that freedom. And Wilhelm also needs to experience the full force of what life in the monarchy would be like before he is able to decide to leave it. Because of this they also act as our window into the two different worlds outside of Hillerska, the palace and Bjarstad. They create the larger context in which we understand Hillerska this season.

I love that both of their journeys of personal growth are symbolized through cars. Wilhelm is always getting trapped with his mom or a member of the court in a fancy car; it’s where almost all of the monarchy’s most onerous instructions on how to live are delivered to him. So it’s huge when he leaves his parents in the chauffeured car at the end of episode 6 and goes to find Simon, Felice and Sara in Sara’s beat up used car. Meanwhile, Sara has traded in horses for the car. This is stated pretty explicitly when her dad asks her if she would like to work with horses and she declines, saying that she has come to realize that horses are simply traded by rich people as status symbols, and her dad suggests she get her drivers license since it will help with any job she wants. In seasons 1 and 2 Rousseau is pretty heavily associated with August, along with the pressures put on August and the other elite kids at Hillerska to conform to expectations (@bluedalahorse has written the Bible on that here), so the fact that Sara swaps out the horse for a car that can take her anywhere feels like a step away from both August and the prescriptive norms of Hillerska.

Sara and Wilhelm both reject what they saw as their destined future. This is obviously really clear for Wilhelm; he assumed he would be prince and then king after Erik died, and his greatest moment of character growth is when he decides he doesn’t have to fulfill that assigned role if it will keep him from being happy and living authentically. I love the scene where Sara talks with her dad about her fears that she will fail in the same ways that he did because she also has autism and adhd. This is a less clear-cut assigned destiny, but that fear of becoming a self fulfilling prophecy is equally overwhelming, especially because Sara has already let down someone she cares about in a way that’s not dissimilar to how her father breaks promises. The fact that she’s able to come to terms with her dad’s influence in her life, but realize she really is in charge of her own future, is really powerful. (I also think it’s such smart writing about the way disability and internalized ableism can really affect your self image).

In order to break free of those predetermined destinies, both Sara and Wilhelm need to see a father/mentor figure as more than black and white. Wilhelm needs to acknowledge that Erik wasn’t perfect, and did help contribute to some of the abusive traditions of Hillerska. Sara needs to recognize that even though her dad isn’t a perfect parent, she still loves him for the care he is able to show to her and wants to have him in her life. I love that both Wilhelm and Sara learn to hold multiple conflicting emotions about their loved ones. They can be disappointed by some of Micke and Erik’s actions, but they can still value their relationships with those family members and recognize them as complex, complete people.

They also both go on a similar journey with how they see August. Wilhelm comes to recognize that August is both a perpetrator and victim of the class system and Hillerska’s systemized abuse. Sara similarly realizes that August is an adult who needs to be responsible for his own emotions. She’s no longer interested in saving him from his complex feelings of guilt, and recognizes his potential to find self healing. Both of those new assessments of August grant him more maturity and complexity than earlier in the show. (They also reflect the way that August grows, in fits and starts, over the course of season 3. If there was a season 4 of the show, I think we would really see August respond to Sara and Wilhelm’s new attitudes towards him in a way that would fuel future character growth).

Viewing Erik, Micke, and August more complexly also allows Sara and Wilhelm to forgive themselves for the ways they are similar to those people. They are able to acknowledge the shame they feel around their actions, but also forgive themselves in the same way that they forgive others.

Both Sara and Wilhelm have specifically let down Simon in pretty big ways (Sara by secretly dating August, Wilhelm by perpetuating the royal family restrictions onto Simon). But they are able to recognize those mistakes and reconcile with Simon.

Wilhelm and Sara both leave the monarchy (Wilhelm literally, Sara by refusing a relationship with August), but they also leave a kind of prescriptive romance behind. Wilhelm says no to having to monitor Simon, to having to roll out his relationship in a certain way to please the court, and to having their future together mapped out and their decision around children made for them. Sara says no to a smaller set of requirements, but the traditional ways that August sees romance are so influenced by the monarchy (which is in turn so influenced patriarchy) that they are similar in some ways. Sara says no to having to do August’s emotional labor, to managing him so that he will fit the image of a good heir. She says no to waiting for him to visit on weekends while he does military service. She says no to this grand plan that he has. (This was @bluedalahorse’s point originally that she shared with me, and honestly I think it's so smart). Wilhelm chooses a romantic relationship that he and Simon are free to create together without rules; Sara chooses a friendship based on honesty and support. Both are valid options that give the characters a sense of peace and freedom. And they would not have been able to make those choices without all of the growth they went through over the course of the season.

I think Sara and Wilhelm's arcs compliment each other so well, and it was one of my favorite things about season 3. I loved watching both of them get to grow so much and end up in such a happy place.

[oneatlatime]

Hiii!!! I’ve been binging through your blog for the past few weeks and I noticed how you talk about how Kataang(Katara x Aang) is portrayed in the show. Honestly yeah, I will admit I didn’t like it at first but now I just don’t really care for it. But I’d be interested hearing an in-depth opinion on the ship(unless you already did and I just never noticed or forgot 😭).

Another question, do you think you’re going to read the comics that came out the series? If you’re asking my opinion I’d say they’re a uuuh 7-8 out of 10 IG?

I do have thoughts on Kataang which I haven't shared yet. Part of me thinks I should wait to answer your ask until I've finished the series; it's obvious to me that these two are being set up to be the big finale couple, which means if I talk about them now I'm probably missing the pieces I need to have a full, well-rounded opinion. But you know what? I feel like talking about them now. So here goes.

Short answer: It peeves me that Aang comes from a culture that seemingly doesn't even have parents, yet he still manages to date his mother.

Long answer: they're both way too young. I'm a huge fan of letting the kids be kids for as long as possible. Especially with these kids, who have been prevented from being kids by the war. As Katara points out in the opening scene of the very first episode, she's been the mother since her own died (or at least she feels like she has had to be the mother). Call me crazy, but I'd rather Katara spend a few years after the war doing dumb childish stuff to recapture that lost childhood than jump straight into a relationship. Isn't the safety and space to do dumb childish stuff one of the things those who are trying to end the war are fighting for? Shouldn't she get to enjoy that? And Aang is just way too young no matter what way you look at it. He's 12 right? I think that would make him a grade 6 student. Back in my day (yells at cloud) Grade 6 students collected yugioh cards and feuded over who had the snazzier lunch box. I could picture a 12 year old having a crush on a slightly older girl that goes to the same school, but it would be short lived and unactionable. I guess Katara would be around 14? So, a grade 8 student. A grade 8 girl would not date a grade 6 boy. It would just never happen.

They've both got bigger fish to fry. Aang is the last Air Nomad AND the current Avatar. When he fully takes on both of those positions, what time will he have for a girlfriend? Katara is the only Southern Waterbender. Whether or not she wants the responsibility, it will be her duty to single-handedly reconstruct a huge portion of her nation's culture from the ground up once she returns south. Does she have the time to ping pong around the globe mothering her boyfriend as he rides giant animals or does Avatar stuff? Say she wants to: what will her family and the rest of her tribe think of the only person who can access such a huge part of their culture riding off into the sunset?

Their current relationship dynamic is still too mother/son. This is more obvious in season 1 than in season 2 (maybe that's growth?) but you can't depict a male/female pair as pieta and then expect me to ship. I think this could change somewhat, but I've already been disappointed in that. I thought that once Katara had mastered waterbending and therefore felt she had something other than mothering to contribute to the group, she would back off with the mothering. And she did, a little, but not enough for my tastes. Maybe as Aang fully steps into the Avatar role and the last Air Nomad role (sidenote: no idea what the latter would look like) he'll move on to a more equal relationship with Katara.

I think Katara is meant for better things than rebirthing a nation. Bending seems to be at least somewhat genetic. So if Aang wants Airbending in any form to survive after his death, he's going to need a billion kids. While I could definitely see Katara wanting children, I don't see her as the barefoot pregnant type.

I'm not convinced that Aang has a clear picture of Katara. She has flaws, which is good! Does Aang see them?

I get the feeling that, while they are helping each others' skills grow as they travel the globe, they are also preventing each others' personalities from growing. As long as Aang is around, Katara has someone to mother. As long as Katara is around, Aang has someone who prevents him from feeling the full weight of his responsibilities. Again, this is worse in season 1, but how often did Katara deny that Aang was to blame for something that was at least somewhat his fault? Aang will never become a fully rounded person until he can look at his flaws and mistakes dead on and say "my bad" without a Katara in the background going "no you're perfect!" Katara deserves to find out what kind of person she is outside of a nurturing role. Quick thought experiment: what if you pair Katara with someone who needs no nurturing, or better yet, nurtures her? And what if you pair Aang with someone as bluntly truthful as Toph? Katara and Aang might find both of those situations uncomfortable at first, but I think it would contribute to their growth.

Aang having a crush on an oblivious Katara would be a great single season arc. I think it would fit both of their characters well, and I think Aang growing past latching on to the first person he saw after the iceberg would be a good way to show that he's rooting himself in his time-displaced present, and fully committing to ending the war. And don't get me wrong, I love Aang and Katara both as a fighting team and as friends.

These kids are all fighting a war, and all kids. I don't mind the supporting characters having romances, because it's not like Sokka or Suki can end the war, no matter how hard they try/might want to. But I'm a big believer in doing one thing at a time, and I think if you're the only person in the whole world who can end a war, then ending the war should take precedence over dating. I'm aware that that's an unrealistic expectation and out of step with the show's theme of balance. In the real world, birth rates skyrocket during war time because people live for the moment and grab happiness (read boinking) wherever they see it. But both these kids are pre-boinking age so I'm going to be a cranky old fart about it.

Being the wife of the Avatar is a position that will often come with being relegated to second place, especially with the amount of work that undoing a century of war will take. Although she works well in a team, Katara is a naturally dominant personality. Katara did enough of putting herself in second place before the series started. I think Katara could very easily fall into the pattern of subjugating her own needs and desires and putting her husband's first, but I don't want that to happen. And one way to prevent that from happening is to prevent her from dating the single most politically important person in the universe. (To be clear, Aang would never deliberately squish a wife like that, I just think the workload of being Avatar and last air nomad would cause that to happen)

A lot of my objections to this pairing are very adult objections. I don't know what I would have thought about this pairing when I was the age of the show's target audience. It undoubtedly would have bothered me less, although I probably would have been put off by how twee it is. As an adult, all I can see are babies playing house.

As for the comics, I hadn't made any concrete plans to read them. I don't know where I'd get access to them. I'm not sure how canonical they are. I guess I should probably decide whether or not I want to read them after I've finished the whole series. I've been told that my girl Jin appears in one of them, so I definitely have some interest. I have also had the Avatar Kyoshi novels strenuously recommended to me. But so much of Avatar's charm, to me, is in the medium. And while comics are closer to animation than books are, they're still static. Avatar does movement so well.

[toxicanonymity]

I'm catching up on Raider drabbles, didn't realize I missed a few and it's a very pleasant surprise! One thing stuck out to me during Joel's POV for the first chapter. In regards to him being a r*pist: "He's the last person who'd want it forgiven or excused"

Is there a point Raider!Joel actually admits to himself how badly he treated her in the beginning? Or is it all subconscious?

I know you've said this storyline isn't going to get light, so I don't expect him to have a full breakdown about it or give any sort of apology. In my mind I'm drawing a line to canon Boston QZ Joel, who's still extremely gruff and closed off, but doesn't seem to feel the need to overcompensate for his fears with performative violence. At some point he decides he needs his own moral lines back that he won't cross (he mentions not working with snitches to Henry), even if they're still dubious. So somewhere in between meeting sweet pea and the QZ, he has to have that realization.

The line I quoted from your drabble tho, makes it sound like he's further along than I expected. I know he feels badly about the day she ran off, but to actually hate himself for his treatment of her on day 1 feels like a HUGE step. I guess I'm wondering what that looks like in your mind - when does he pass the point into actually feeling ashamed for it? Does it happen as he starts to see sweet pea as an actual human being rather than a prop? Is there a defining moment that makes it hit him?

My favorite Joel is one suffering from regret 😈

Hi! Ty for taking the plunge into the rest of their world. I'm moved that you put so much thought into this. 🖤

There are moments that stick out, but overall I think more gradual/subconscious as he begins to care about her feelings.

For example, you can see glimpses of self awareness when she tells him she loves him and he says she's confused, when she's talking about her late dog and he speculates it was a guy like him.

As for it not getting lighter for the most part: They've become more like each other. Due to their extreme attachment, they're more dangerous together because they'll do anything to stay together. His self hatred has made him more violent because he projects it onto other men. And lastly, dark external events/context could serve as a crucible for growth.

I wouldn't rule out some form of apology from Joel. In the drabble where she snaps, when she refers to when he said he only wants her if she's good - he almost apologizes for what he did when she escaped (instead, he asks if they're past that).

Tysm for reading and reaching out 🖤🖤

If anyone else wants to chime in they're welcome to.

[master-ray5]

My Response To “Why I love the Toxic Romance of Sailor Moon”

I came across this video online: 

My short response: I disagree. 

My long response: Buckle UP

     It should be noted the video isn’t presenting the argument for just the 90s aspect of the Usagi x Mamoru relationship but is lumping Crystal and the Manga into the argument and insisting it's a toxic romance. The creator of this video breaks down their argument into pointing out three different aspects of the Usagi X Mamoru relationship: 

The age gap and the power dynamic is causes

The lack of choice in the relationship 

How Seiya offers Usagi choice

     Let’s tackle all three of the points and see where the argument breaks down. First off the age gap…sigh…

The Age Gap

     At this point I’m sick of even going into this aspect of the argument. Frankly over the years it comes off as far too personal for many individuals and they can’t separate these feelings when they enter into fiction. If you can’t get over the aspect Usagi is dating an older (4-5 years) man and are uncomfortable with the power dynamic this presents in a relationship then this isn’t the show for you. 

     Still, can people stop acting like it's a huge age gap? This isn’t like the age gap that comes like Bunny Drops (that series really took a turn later in the manga) so can we all stop acting like Mamoru is riding around in a van offering Usagi candy? Moving on…

The Lack of Choice in the Relationship

     The video argues even if you look past the reincarnation element of the Mamoru x Usagi relationship, the introduction of Crystal Tokyo and them becoming King and Queen causes the relationship to become toxic. With this expectation to reach this status, the two are pressured to stay together whether they are ideal for each other or not. This lack of choice is described by the video as being toxic. 

     While the aspects of destiny are prevalent in Sailor Moon, it is important to distinguish the difference between fate and destiny. Fate are the events that will happen when someone doesn't take responsibility. Destiny is what can be achieved through growth and one's own actions. Usagi and Mamoru are shown to be willing to fight for their goals and each other. Usagi wants to be a bride. She wants to be Mamoru’s bride. Mamoru wants to have a family with Usagi so he never feels alone like he did when he was a kid (the movie Sailor Moon R: Promise of the Rose shows this in detail). They support and nurture each other and fight against the forces of evil in the process. 

     It should be noted despite knowing their destiny they still have moments where they need a reminder they need to keep fighting. Usagi has to be reminded at the end of Sailor Moon R to continue the fight. She is reminded of her need to step up by talking with Naru who has no idea she is Sailor Moon.  

      This doesn't just apply to Usagi. Mamoru, upon seeing Usagi with Haruka, feels jealous and is shown to be depressed by it. Only by working together on a project not related to fighting evil but something as simple as helping Chibi Usa with an assignment are they able to reconnect. 

     Also the future they are shown isn't terrible or apocalyptic. The two are shown to be happy, have achieved peace, and are still in love. Why wouldn't they work to achieve it?

The Illusion of Choice With Seiya

     A recent argument I see a lot of Seiya x Usagi fans using is “Seiya offers Usagi choice. Something Mamoru never did.” While it can be argued Seiya is offering Usagi a choice, it is not necessarily a good choice. Look at the hard facts of Seiya’s mission: they are dedicated to Princess Kakyuu and planned on leaving the planet as soon as they found her. Under these aspects, the choices Seiya is offering are not in Usagi’s favor.

At best, Seiya is offering Usagi to leave the planet so they can be together, meaning Usagi would have to give up all her friends and family just so she could be together with Seiya. At worst, Seiya is asking Usagi to engage in a long distant relationship to be together. Considering how critical Seiya was about Usagi engaging in a long distance relationship with someone who was supposed to be on the same planet, the idea of even suggesting such a thing to Usagi makes Seiya a hypocrite. 

In conclusion:

Here are a few examples of ACTUAL toxic relationships in anime: 

Gundam Seed: When Fllay uses sex to keep Kira focused on fighting the enemy forces to exact her revenge. 

Death Note: Light Yagami intentionally manipulates Misa’s feelings to use her as a tool to exact his plan for bringing his version of justice to the world. 

Revolutionary Girl Utena: Akio romancing and bedding Utena for his own purposes while at the same time sexually abusing his sister Anthy.  

Fruits Basket: Shigure slept with Ren (Akito's mother) as revenge for Akito sleeping with Kureno.

These are Toxic relationships where people are legitimately being hurt by being a part of it. Though the future Usagi and Mamoru witness is imposing, their interactions are actually supportive in nature. In summary, I don't agree with this video and continue to express that Usagi and Mamoru have a relationship others can and should ascribe to obtain.

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

I honestly really don't like Wattpad anymore. The filtering and sorting system is kinda crap. But most importantly, why is it that the huge majority of authors seem to only write a few chapters of one story only to immediately abandon everything to write a new story idea only to ditch that one too for another one? Nothing finishes anymore. They never continue works. Mod, you're a rare author on Wattpad who actually dedicates time to consistently work on something and can actually continue works.

//The irony of this is I actually created ReCaptured years ago, abandoned it to make PToH. and just picked it up now.

//Look, this may be a hard thing to accept, but it’s important to remember this:

//It’s understandable to feel frustrated when stories you’re invested in get abandoned, but there are several reasons why this happens, especially on platforms like Wattpad, where many writers are hobbyists or exploring their creativity for the first time.

//I know this because I am one, but for many creators, writing is a deeply personal and sometimes unpredictable process. Inspiration often strikes in bursts, and the allure of a new idea can feel like a spark that demands attention.

//While this enthusiasm is exciting, it can also mean that the initial energy fades before the project is completed, leaving it unfinished.

//And it’s not always about a lack of dedication; sometimes, writers grow or change in ways that make their earlier ideas feel outdated or unfulfilling to pursue further. This is largely why I stopped writing ReCaptured for a while and instead did Phantom Thieves of Hope. Because I had the idea, tried it out, it was going well, and this my standards for my own writing went above what I was putting out with ReCaptured at the time. The reason why I chose to go back to it is that despite how it’s only 1 and a half chapters now, ReCaptured is just as popular as ReProgrammed, and I still get comments to this day of people praising it, even though I wasn’t working on it any further.

//Those comments made me realise people wanted to see more, so I intend to give them more, even if it takes me a while.

//Additionally, Wattpad especially, as I have seen personallt with people like my sister who is 5 years younger than me, most of it’s user base are teenagers/young adults, who would naturally be juggling writing with school, work, or personal responsibilities.

//Most of what you see on Wattpad is done out of passion alone with not many other driving forces behind it. Writing on a schedule can feel like a job, and for hobbyist creators, that pressure can become overwhelming. Sometimes dropping a story is less about laziness and more about self-care or not wanting to force creativity.

//It’s also worth noting that platforms like Wattpad foster experimentation. Writers post their works as they go, often without knowing where the story will end up. This freedom encourages exploration, but it also means some ideas don’t pan out as expected.

//Think of it like an artist filling sketchbooks with incomplete pieces. It’s part of the process, even if it’s frustrating for readers who are looking for finished works.

//So while I appreciate the compliment, even for me, as someone who considers himself to be at least marginally creative, it’s not always easy. And it’s not always easy for readers to deal with unfinished works, but for writers, even abandoned projects can represent growth, learning, and a step toward honing their craft.

-Mod

[hearteyespierce]

on messy redemption arcs (specifically todd brotzman's) and why i think they're a good thing

sharing the following thing i wrote in the dghda server re: todd's character growth in s2 upon the request of another server member!

for context, this is regarding a conversation that sprung up in the dghda server about some people viewing Todd as manipulative/uncaring towards Dirk, vs other people who saw his arc in s2 through a different lens. to be clear, despite various disagreements, the conversation was positive and everyone was respectful which was really nice, considering how bad discourse can get sometimes. but anyway i came in late to the conversation and this was my contribution - clearly, i fall in camp 2:

[About Todd's ups and downs in S2:] growth isn't linear and people can take steps forward and then fall back, but what matters ultimately to me is that they keep trying to take those steps forward even when they make mistakes and I think Todd does do that.

He's spent so much of his life in a prison of his own making, lying to everyone and digging a hole so deep he didn't think he could ever get out of it. And I think he did always care about Amanda at the very least but he did this HUGE fuckup and covering that up led to this avalanche of horrible decisions and now he has to own up to his shit and learn how to care about people again without hiding from his actions.

He definitely gets tunnel vision about Amanda, and I think that makes sense. He’s so desperate to “fix” things and a big part of his story in season 2 is learning that, like Amanda said, some things you can’t just FIX. Sometimes you just have to pick up the pieces you have left and do your best to make something good with them.

Additionally [in regards to previous comments made about Todd ignoring/not caring about the trauma Dirk suffered in his second bout in Blackwing], he doesn’t know the extent of what happened in Blacking, not yet. And he’s taken several steps back by centering all his focus on finding Dirk - Dirk who has always seemed so optimistic and enthusiastic - to “fix” things (because he hasn’t learned his lesson about fixing things yet). And he doesn’t know how to reconcile the Dirk he knew before with the things that this new stint in Blackwing has changed about Dirk.

I don’t think Todd is malicious or not caring about Dirk - I think he has done so much self isolation over the years that he is unused to knowing how to identify what’s going on with other people/doesn’t know how to handle things. He does try to uplift Dirk, even if he doesn’t always do it in the right way, but that doesn’t make him cruel or manipulative. It makes him a human person who is also struggling to learn how to exist in community with others.

I think there’s also something to be said for the black and white ways we can view fictional characters who react to situations in ways that create defensiveness in us based on our own experiences/our own traumas. I think processing that through fiction is such a powerful tool but it can also put blinders on us and view some characters as wholly good “perfect cinnamon rolls” and other characters as “horrible manipulators”, when really, both types of characters have strengths and flaws, and neither exists purely on one end of the spectrum or the other.

tl;dr redemption arcs can and should be messy sometimes because people are messy. none of these characters are inherently good or inherently bad and i think that's what makes them all such compelling characters.

[reviewdiaries]

Nancy x Ace and the riddle of knowledge in 4x11

The sweet smell of being right on the money, I love it. You know what else I love? The development in this episode. Because things in Horseshoe Bay have gone from suspicious AF to completely demented, and I am HERE FOR IT.

We finally have confirmation for why things have felt so off these last few episodes. And we’ve started to explore the jenga puzzle, if I remove this one thing - vanished as though it never existed - what else falls down? What other relationships and feelings change? Can they be pieced back together again?

Let’s start with my boy Ace, because I personally am really enjoying his storyline. Do I completely get where the frustration lies for those who would have liked to see more pining and curse breaking and TENSION? Absolutely. I too would have loved that, because Ace and Nancy serve up delicious tension for breakfast, and it’s a treat to watch it. But I’m also genuinely enjoying seeing what we’ve got, because it’s all about growth.

Ace has been given time and space this series to find himself and flourish. He’s fought through heartbreak, and yes, that heartbreak has been distorted, we know that now. Can feel the chiming sense of wrong wrong wrong, how his feelings towards Nancy have shifted, vanishing like smoke in the air. Memories and feelings erased until there’s nothing left but the bare bones of a friendship and an aching sense of something gone - reaching for his phone in the middle of the night before realising he has no idea why. Because suddenly he’s left with the sense of a relationship that stalled before it could start, an idle heartbreak, the feeling of throwing himself into work, into the next mystery, the next person who shows an interest. A tension under his skin that he can’t ever explain. But he’s found a job that he loves, he’s carving out his own space, learning where to prioritise, where the important parts of him lie, where they join together, and how to take up his own space in the world.

His sense of self worth is still battered, his issues with his parents rampant, but he’s starting to hold his ground, mark his own boundaries, find an inner steel we’ve not yet seen in him. He’s always been so quick to please, to try and do what others have wanted, and this episode we’re finally seeing him stand his ground. 

We haven’t ever seen his parents come into his space before, and we get that not once but three times in this episode. We see the tension and friction between him and his father (which we haven’t seen much of but was alluded to greatly in the first couple of seasons) and we see how his mother tries desperately to keep the peace whilst supporting her son. 

GIF Credit @goodobservationshirley

I love this moment. Because Rebbeca is right. The Claw is absolutely Ace’s house, and that means that she and his father are coming to him to lead, they are stepping into his space and they are going to treat it as his, can acknowledge that it’s his, which is such a huge thing. Sure his dad is dismissive and thinks it’s going to go terribly, but that line is drawn. This is Ace’s space, and that means he is the head of the house.

As he becomes more preoccupied with his ghost he becomes less passive with his father. He stands up for himself, he refuses to be cowed by the disappointment, the expected failure. He does this on his terms. And yeah, he stumbles at the start, but he doesn’t let that phase him, he carries on, he leads. He steps into his own and it is such a joy to see. By the end of the episode we have that beautiful moment where his dad comes to tell him how well he did. And moments like this? They’re everything. The growth, the evolution of their relationship. The way they start to meet each other as equals instead of Ace cowering before his dad, it’s amazing to watch.

And then the confrontation with Nancy. Oh guys, they needed this. Sure, it’s about the ghost, not about them. How can they get this argument out when they don’t even remember their feelings for each other? But this is the first time that Ace asserts himself. Stop. I do not consent to what you’ve done. Stop. He never stands up to Nancy. Never holds space for himself, for his needs. The closest we’ve seen him come is 4x02 when he’s desperately pushing for her to tell him what he’s missing. But even then he doesn’t come out and say it, he doesn’t communicate effectively, doesn’t express himself. He acts the part of the spurned wife, veiling everything behind passive aggressive snark and stone wall silence. 

This is everything. This is beautiful. This is communication. Expressing what he needs, what he wants, and refusing to back down. This is everything that they have been missing. I’ve said it over and over and over this season, so much of their problem has been their inability or willingness to communicate openly with each other. And here, laying down the groundwork, is the first step. The first flag Ace is planting. A map of muscle memory for the next time he needs to hold his head high and say stop, no, this is not what I want. 

But as he starts to find those boundaries, Nancy is finding her sense of self eroded. She is floundering, desperate, panicked by the timeline she’s been thrust into, desperate now she knows there are too smooth edges where her memories have been stitched together. Suddenly she doesn’t know herself, doesn’t trust herself. What is her and what is what’s left behind when it’s been taken - the trip on the pavement versus the assault? What would she do, what could she possibly have deemed so bad it had to be removed? Because this Nancy, the Nancy with the pieces removed, she doesn’t have the framework of her love for Ace, the undying certainty that she would do anything for the man she loves, even tear herself to pieces with her bare hands and a handful of words whispered in the dark. She only has an aching sense of loss and a hundred shifting pieces she can no longer make sense of. 

So she goes back to the basics. Back to the handful of things she can hold onto, the facts of the case. Over and over and over as she spirals into panic and fear and the desperate certainty that she is broken beyond repair, irredeemable, lost and alone.

She knows the date. She knows the time. She knows the call log on her phone. The memories are gone but the facts are there. A handful of truths to hold onto and whisper to herself in the dark. We have seen Nancy at her best and at her worst. But even at her worst - lost in the depths of the Hudson name and sure that she can only be the worst version of herself, she knew her mind. Trusted her memories. Could hold onto the pieces of her that she knew to be true. But this, this is a violation that she knows is self inflicted. A scalpel precise removal of pieces of her she doesn’t even know to miss.

We now have a definitive timeline - Ace called Nancy after the boat trip, after the memorial, her hair still wet from washing buttercream icing out. There’s around twenty minutes between that and her going to call on the Sin Eater. And Nancy, because she’s shaken, she’s been given proof that she’s done something she can’t imagine ever doing, no longer trusts herself, no longer trusts what she’d do, what terrible atrocities she could commit. She goes to Ace and tells him that she thinks they are responsible for the Jane Doe.

GIF Credit @whitefluffyyeti 

 But that doesn’t track, that doesn’t make sense. The Nancy we know and love would never try and erase a murder, cover up something terrible. She’d face it head on, hold herself to the same truth and justice ideal that she holds everyone to, because as far as she’s concerned she’s not special, she’s not above this. If she did something wrong she’d take herself to the police station and confess.

So that’s not it. 

But Nancy would also do absolutely anything for those she loves. Not murder, not hiding something like that. But she would absolutely run to the Yacht Club to erase something to save someone she loves, someone like Ace. It’s something time critical, otherwise why would she go there so quickly. She’s desperate. But it’s not something illegal, no for that she’d call Carson, get a lawyer involved, get it sorted out the right way. She’s not always stayed on the right side of the law - too many opportunities to show up the police when they can’t do their jobs, use her lockpicks, her sleuthing beanie. But if it was something illegal, something bad, something murderous, there is no way she’d erase it, she’d work on building the strongest defence possible, but she wouldn’t undo it.

I don’t believe it’s that they accidentally triggered the curse either. We’ve seen before, the Sin Eater erases the memory, it can’t undo the damage. If the curse were triggered, if Ace were doomed to die, the Sin Eater wouldn’t be able to do a thing to stop it.

So what does that leave? I genuinely have no clue. There are some great theories floating around about that night, about the Captain of the ship mysteriously cancelling, about the curse that Ace drops overboard. Something about that is off. And we can no longer trust what we’re being shown as viewers. Is what we see the truth? Or is it the altered version after the Sin Eater has removed it from the characters’ collective consciousness? Did Ace and his dad have a lovely bonding fishing trip or did something else happen? Did Nancy and Ace actually have that conversation as we saw it? Clearly not. But what have we had erased? What parts are missing? What jigsaw pieces are we going to be gifted to fill in to make the picture make sense?

My two cents, for what they’re worth - I don’t believe the ghost and the Jane Doe are the same. I think these are two things thrown together to make us think they’re the same. If the Captain theory holds true I’m willing to bet that they’re the burned corpse. But I think the ghost is the figurehead from The Governance. 

The Governance was stormed away from its original course thanks to the Aglaeca - thanks founders and your truly terrible treatment of women. Like I was in a storm. 

They then ripped the boat to pieces and left the figurehead as a protector of the Black Door, literally in the basement. The sky is gone.

The figurehead that has watched over as they tried over and over to merge the Sin Eater with the stolen children. There’s only one left.

She’s ethereal, not wearing the clothes she died in, but a white robe - like an angel, like a woman in white, like a being of magic. And Nancy Drew have been at great pains to point out throughout that there is a balance. Plugonia - plural, one doll for evil, one for light. What if the figurehead is not just a watcher, but part of the literal balance of the Sin Eater?

Now, @flythesail has done a truly excellent post exploring this theory which makes me feel much less like I’m going crazy connecting dots that aren’t there, and I highly recommend checking it out, because she does a fab job exploring the ideas of reincarnation that the writers are bringing into play this season, and makes a very compelling argument for this.

And once you start putting those pieces in, suddenly Nancy and Ace behaving as they are over the ghost and Tristan begins to make even more sense than memory erasure and heartbreak. And honestly, that’s not a sentence I ever thought I’d say.

But the thread has been found - how can you find a thread to pull when you don’t even know it’s missing waiting to be discovered? Against all the odds the photo, the timeline, it’s starting to emerge. And we know how Nancy gets once there’s a mystery. That desperate all consuming urge to uncover the truth, the light, the justice for a town steeped in darkness and secrets, for the people caught up in the web, for herself.

[thrashkink-coven]

Lord Hermes says not to brag about the results until the work is done, so I won’t say too much about our experience together, but I do want to thank him for his advice and openness with me last night. We haven’t fully established a working relationship just yet, but he did make an appearance in my work, on my altar during a conversation with Lord Lucifer last night.

These next few months will bring lots of change and new opportunities, my main goal in our work together is to harness my energy into doing and experiencing new things, places, and parts of myself. I want to get involved with the social justice movements happening in my community. I feel a responsibility to do my part in improving not only myself, but my community. I need to involve myself in mutual aid and charity, I now know that this is an important part of my life that I’ve been missing. Things are just too bad outside right now to stay inside and do nothing. I need to be the change I want to see in the world, it’s not debatable anymore. That’s what Hermes helped me out with last night, accepting that I need to change for the betterment of everyone around me. As much as Hermes is highly involved with travel and commerce, he’s also the God of change and communication. Using my words and my beliefs to make a positive change in other people’s situations. Finding the right words to express the truth. He told me that I am already blessed with the art of language (thanks Jophiel) and my way of thinking and choice of words is much needed in activism.

I want to learn new things and see new people- help new people as well as myself. Hermes says that this will be a slow but rewarding process. It will take a lot of commitment and dedication to learning and unlearning. It will take a lot of discomfort and awkwardness. Mistakes will be made. He said that I must decide what my philosophy is and stay absolutely true to it through judgement and adversity. This is a work that must be done, not for credit or fame but for the empowerment of myself and my people.

As much as I adore Hermes, my relationship with him last night felt a lot more relaxed. I didn’t get those butterflies or anything like that, and I think that’s because he was being more serious. He lightened up at times, but when we started talking about my goals and plans for the future, he really locked in. It verified to me how incredibly wise he is. He’s so funny and relaxed because he’s so damn smart. He asked me multiple times if I was really ready for this next step, not in a doubtful way, just in a way that made it clear that he was serious about working with me, which was actually really nice. He expressed that “there is no right time to decide to change, you simply must” and that it would be my own anxieties that prevent me from reaching my max potential. Lucifer said something very similar before he introduced Hermes into the space. I do feel ready, although I know that I need to take this slow. My problem is that I rush into things at 100%, and quickly burn out. This is going to take a lot of time and slow growth, slow building of skills and intellect, Hermes made it very clear that we are in this for the long haul.

He also congratulated me on my relationship with Lady Aphrodite and Lucifer. When I first approached Hermes, he rejected me, the main reason being that I still had SO much development to go through with Lucifer and Venus. He called me a whore lol, saying that until I fully give my heart to my relationship with Lucifer, he would never work with me. He was absolutely right, and I’m happy that he made me aware of that, because I truly am a different, wiser person than I was the first time I approached him. I had planned to approach Hermes during the huge solar eclipse on April 8th, but last night Lucifer ushered him in, saying that I was ready now. I basically said “I want to but I don’t want to delude myself by getting my hopes up if he’s not interested in me yet”, and Lucifer was like “well, he’s here so buckle up” LMAO

Hermes also reminded me very heavily to communicate with and create a relationship with Lady Hecate, saying that my relationships with Cerberus and Faviel should have already lead me to her by now. Which, they have subtly been nudging me her way, I just haven’t found the right words and offerings to give to her. I believe I may have introduced myself to one of her archetypes with Cerberus, but Im yet to approach her in a working relationship. Hermes understood this and called it wise, but advised me not to wait too long. I think the lunar eclipse will be a great opportunity to finally give her the recognition she deserves. He told me that his work with me would make me a master of alchemy and elemental theory, he would teach me the refined art of spell craft. But Hekate is the master of energetic direction, while Hermes can help me be well studied, Lady Hecate can help me use those studies practically and see the results of my work truly manifest in a powerful and influential way.

Anyways, sorry for the yap fest. I thought that as soon as the candles went out I would create a chaotic and excited post like HERMES FINALLY NOTICED ME AAAA!!! But since giving it some time and sleeping on it, I feel a lot less !!!!!!!!!!!!!! about it. Don’t get me wrong I am SO excited, but I’m more so appreciative. This isn’t going to just be my winged footed bff, he has a lot of hard work and studying for me to consume myself with. I’m lucky to have been in his presence and I am infinitely thankful to him for his help.

Ave Lord Hermes! Thank you!

[sysmedsaresexist]

Hey ~

It’s been so amazing seeing the positive change on this blog, we are so here for that kind of growth and energy!

We saw that you recently reconciled with @/sophieinwonderland, and we have a couple questions.

Are you okay with and support those who use “tulpamancy” language (a huge thing she defends)? Curious about this because we have seen many Buddhist POC systems express genuine concern with that language (not the practice, just the words “tulpa” and “tulpamancy”)

Are you okay with those who equate therians/nonhumans and the people who love them to zoophiles (another thing she has stood by which was incredibly triggering and offensive to us, a therian-heavy system).

Personally, we followed her for a long time then unfollowed after we saw someone else’s post which brought this stuff to light. We are just curious what your thoughts on this are!

(Also as far as we know she has shared some really harmful misinformation about dissociative disorders… specifically iirc that DID can form after childhood and trauma is not necessary for this disorder to form. Just letting you know in case you weren’t aware!)

- Starling

I kind of went back and forth on whether to reply to this, but ultimately decided that it would be for the best. I'm sure many of my followers are wondering the same thing and what it means.

The truth is, we're married now. I finally wooed her with my charm.

@sophieinwonderland just so you know that this is out here. I hope it's a fair response to both of us.

No, in all seriousness and honesty, I reached out to sophie because she had the largest audience and sway, and when you're so violently mean to each other, you develop a special bond. It's been... jeez, monthsss since I interacted with sophie directly. I don't know if Sophie will agree, but I think we had a habit of getting each other going, with more ridiculous posts on each side the longer the spats went on. I think the fact that we both left each other alone for so long was really good for both of us, and over that time, as much as sophie saw changes in me, I saw them in her. I found that when she wasn't being an inflammatory twot (/aff) and stayed away from the tulpa-language debate, I agreed more and more with some of her posts. She's really been doing good work with the stuff on reddit-- the RAMCOA deniers and fdc.

And what kind of person would I be if I didn't give her the same chance that she and her followers gave me?

Yeah, she's done some really shitty things, but so have I, just to different demographics (? Does that make sense??).

As well, reconciliation and interaction doesn't mean total support. I'm sure I have beliefs that sophie doesn't support. I'm sure sophie will reblog posts of mine that she agrees with, and skip the ones she doesn't like, and I'll do the same.

All that said, let's get a bit more specific.

The post linked in the ask. I am going to link it so that people can make their own informed decision. I think, though, that most of you reading this answer lived through all of that, experiencing each event first hand as it unfolded. Many people have issues with other events not listed. I can't cover everything. Again, interaction doesn't mean total support, and I can decide at any point to step back in support.

So.

Tulpamancy: I'm white as shit. I made my posts about the topic, and I reblogged everything I could in support of changing the language. I will continue to support changing language. This is a topic that is so much bigger than me, though. That's not to say I don't want to try and that I won't support efforts, but... I think the easiest way to explain this point is to use an example-- that it's not feasible to block and refuse to engage with people using the language. However, in those interactions, I can advocate where possible, and not interact with content I don't agree with.

Therians: I'm going to be super honest... I don't know what that is. I especially don't know how it relates to zoophiles. I do remember there being a lot of talk about this, I remember reading what people were saying and Sophie's response, but... I think the only thing I can pull specifically to mind was reading her response and going,

I really can't comment on this. I don't think that having sex with a therian is the same as having sex with an animal?? If you were hurt by something, obviously I support you.

Dissociative disorders: again, I've been watching her grow. I think she's been doing a lot more research as she's been battling fdc and it really shows. She made a post recently about whether DID could happen without trauma and I think I even agreed with it-- something about rare, fringe cases being inevitable in all things, and I was like, you know, I can agree with that. That's a good, happy medium. It's a far cry from what she used to say. I'm seeing a lot more respect about the topic and research, I see better advice to her followers. I want to give her a chance on this front.

[thunderheadfred]

It’s my birthday so as a gift to myself I’m listing all my personal growth from the last few months

Lost 50+ pounds, well on my way to shedding 100+. Did this very simply with zero self-hatred or shame. Intermittent fasting and sugar elimination were pretty much the only requirements. Took time to adjust and a willingness to cook more, but that was the only struggle. In addition to the weight loss, my inflammatory and immune problems have been greatly improved. Chronic fatigue is still with me, but isn’t dictating every second of my day, and I hope CFS continues to diminish as I get healthier. Resources I used are now helping my dad reverse pre-diabetes, which is the cherry on top.

Went through perhaps the worst existential crisis of my entire life (and boy howdy, I’m well-rehearsed) and didn’t die. Didn’t die so hard I actually woke up from decades of numbness and changed my entire life almost overnight. This “instant” change was enabled by several years of work via intensive outpatient, group therapy, 1-on-1 therapy, medication, and deep interior work I’ve done on my neurochemistry and mental health. It feels like foundations were laid for me to finally take a huge forward step into hope and change. I finally let God back in, and have felt vulnerable, humbled, and vibrantly alive in a way I haven’t experienced since childhood.

Started re-exploring my own spiritual health, perhaps the most difficult and intense part of this transformation. Deeply personal, difficult to find words. No labels for it. See re-enrolling in college, below. Much to learn. Adjacent to this, have encouraged Catholic husband to join an inter-faith climate group, which he did. His parish church now looks likely to form their own climate support group in addition.

Re-enrolled in college for fall 2023. Built a 3-year interdisciplinary plan to graduate with a major in Dakota Language and American Indian studies, with minors in sustainable agriculture, art history, and art.

Became involved in local politics; I’ve personally met my senator and congressperson and thanked them for their work. They know me by name and I will continue to keep up with legislation on local and federal levels, vote in every election, and advocate for policies I believe in.

Started educating myself on the policies that have shaped our current situation. This is often overwhelming, and I remind myself constantly to do it in stages, to not burn myself out or get lost in anger and hopelessness. Nevertheless, it must be done. In particular, I’m finding Robert Reich’s free YouTube course invaluable for this, though it has made me cry several times. Labor movements are taking off across the country and this gives me immense hope that I’m far from the only one sharing in this experience. Millions of us are waking up to our own democratic power, and we can change things together, one step at a time.

Also started researching absolutely everything about reducing my personal carbon footprint, increasing self-sufficiency, and having at least some baseline readiness for disaster scenarios, a process that continues. Immediately stopped eating beef and pork (and most meat, actually), stopped purchasing things online and from big box stores (whenever feasible) and started walking to our local grocery co-op several times a week.

Encouraged husband to get involved in our HOA, a goal he’s had since we moved but was unable to make good on because of his work schedule (now blessedly changed) - we will soon be making a concentrated effort to meet all of our neighbors, initiate neighborhood gatherings, and encourage green initiatives in our immediate community.

Joined the local arm of 350.org. Have already done tabling and multiple advocacy campaigns. Husband is on the clean transportation team, focused on bringing electric school buses to schools. I’m on the food systems team, currently working on expanding our state’s farmer’s market SNAP program so more people have access to affordable local produce.

Expanded my patio garden to several raised planters full of herbs that I’ve been regularly using. A few things didn’t work out, but I’m learning what thrives in that location and have grown the most delicious tomatoes I’ve ever eaten, with basically zero effort. Working on a plan to build a small deer-proof Three Sisters food garden in our limited backyard space.

Started my basement cannabis grow tent, have two plants thriving and bringing me joy when I talk to them every day and tell them what lovely ladies they are.

Converted all our household power draw to sustainable wind (this took all of one phone call to our utility provider) and in a few days we will have meters installed on both our hot water tank and our air conditioner, so those are cycled during peak hours for even less energy consumption.

Started fishing together with one of my oldest childhood friends and my dad. Went from zero outdoors experience to learning how to hook minnows without flinching and hold a beautiful emerald-green bass in my hands. An amazing experience that will continue through the season.

[radioiaci]

anonymous ⧐ Thank you so much for explaining! Fortunately, it'll be a Lucifer blog, so that's one step easier. For me, what attracted me to your blog was the openness for darker themes and not shying away from the real truth of why Alastor's in Hell. I want to focus on those heavy themes and more on character development (forwards and backwards, negative growth is still, uh, a development ahaha), and shipping isn't a goal in mind, just a conversation and exploration! It might be easier to tag you in a starter and then you can answer at your leisure🤍 I appreciate your warmth, I'll reach out again in a bit, thank you again OOC ASKS.

just know, my friend, that I'm putting every single lucifer blog in my MOUTH (in a good way). Alastor is an absolute menace to ship with and I'm a huge slut for a good slow burn under his aroace cannibal freak lens, but my favorite canon ones for him are radioapple, radiostatic, radiorose, and radiosnake. i be barkin for good interactions there BARK BARK but YES I really do like to explore Alastor's darker side and I emphasize a lot that he IS very much a villain character who 100% deserved his lot in Hell - even his Deal with Lilith is really mostly his own doing and while there are sympathetic aspects of him, bro REALLY DID just murder and cannibalize a bunch of innocent people for no reason (or, they were innocent in my Al's case, anyway - he did not have a moral code when selecting his victims, they were just acts of convenience). he's legitimately a terrible person which makes interactions with characters who sort of either try to make him better or try to make him WORSE both interesting to play with and explore. BUT YEAH FEEL FREE TO TAG I'm always down to interact whenever I'm able to <3 thanks for the questions!