#that’s what i’m telling myself anyways

[lynzishell]

The Past 🩵 Asher

Once we’re seated and buckled, Lex turns to me to begin her interrogation before I even have a chance to pull out of the parking garage. “Okay, so, first things first, did you sleep with him?”

I glance over at her, surprised by her question. I figured that was implied considering we left the club together last night and I didn’t come home until this afternoon, but good for her for not making assumptions, I guess. “Yeah, I did,” I say, fighting a losing battle with the smile spreading across my face. 

She smacks me in the arm and gasps, “Really? How was it?”

This really isn’t the part of the night that I need to talk through, but I allow myself a moment to think about it anyway. I prop my arm up on the door so I can rest my head against my hand. My hair feels clean and soft, and still smells faintly of his shampoo, sparking a memory of running my hands over his body in the shower. The image makes my stomach flutter, and my voice comes out a little dreamy when I speak, “It was amazing.”

“Amazing? Well, I’m going to have follow-up questions.”

“And I won’t be answering any of those questions.”

“Ugh, fine,” she rolls her eyes in mock annoyance, “So, then what happened? How did things go from ‘amazing’ to you sobbing into my shoulder and getting snot all over my jacket?”

“I don’t know. Like, the whole night was great. It was fun, and he was so sweet, and it really felt like… It wasn't just a hook up, it was more than that. Or at least I thought so. Maybe I was just projecting or seeing what I wanted to see because I… fuck, I’m so embarrassed… whatever, I kinda put myself out there today, really thinking he’d reciprocate, but—”

“He didn’t?”

“No.”

“What did he say?”

“Same thing he always says. He doesn’t want to date me because we work together. He just wants to be friends. I don’t know, maybe I’m the asshole. How many times does he have to tell me he just wants to be friends? And I’m over here like, ‘are you sure? how ‘bout now?’ What the fuck is wrong with me? I need to stop.”

“Babe, c’mon, I think you’re being too hard on yourself. I know you. You wouldn’t do that if you didn’t really believe he felt the same way. And I’ve seen the way he looks at you, you’re not imagining it. Sounds to me like he’s saying one thing but acting another and he’s fucking with your head and that’s not okay. If he truly wants to be your friend, then he needs to act like a friend, and he’s not. If you ask me, he’s the asshole, and you deserve a hell of a lot better.”

“I hear you; I do. He’s not an asshole, though. He’s really not. I think maybe it’s more complicated than that. Like, he was so kind, and affectionate… I really felt like he cared. And then today, he just looked so sad when I was leaving. You know how he does sometimes. But I’ve never seen him more down than he looked today, and my heart just, I don’t know, I just want to take that sadness away. I feel like I could make him happy if he’d let me.”

“Careful, Ash. Don’t do that. Don’t fall into that trap of thinking you can rescue him or fix him or something. That’s some toxic co-dependent shit. Pretty sure you get enough of that with your sister.”

“Ow.” Leave it to Lex to stab you in the heart with her honesty. I respect it, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

“Did you or did you not drop everything to rush out to the Bay to help her the second she asked?”

“Yes, but—”

“Are your parents home?”

“Yes.”

“So, in theory, they could help her with her baby furniture or whatever today?”

I let her words sink in. I’ve gotten better at setting boundaries with Iris, but apparently, I still have some work to do. It didn’t even feel like an option to say no to her today, but now that seems ridiculous. Now, I wish I hadn’t rushed out on Atlas. Maybe we could’ve had a nice day together. Maybe I wouldn’t have made a fool of myself if I wasn’t so frazzled and trying to make everyone happy all at once. Damn. “I hate it when you’re right.”

“I know.”

“I don’t think I’m doing that with Atlas though. Like, sure, I want to make him happy when he’s sad, and maybe I overestimate my ability to do so, but I’ve never felt a need to ‘save’ him or whatever. It’s not like that. I just… I like him so much, Lex. I really do. I love spending time with him. And I love the way he makes me feel when we’re together. I could’ve sworn he felt the same way. I mean, just the way he…” my voice trails off as I remember all the ways he looked at me and smiled at me and kissed me and touched me, and then his words “Ash, you’re perfect, you know that?”, and the tenderness in his voice and in his eyes when he said it. The sweet way he kissed my forehead in the bathroom. The way he held me as we slept.

“The way he what? Hello? Where did you go?”

“You know what? I’m not fucking crazy. I’m not. I know he feels it too. So, maybe he really is just super weird about dating people he works with. I mean, on paper it seems logical, right? To not mix your professional life with your romantic one?”

“I don’t know. I guess? What are you getting at?”

“Well, it’s an easy enough obstacle to remove, don’t you think?”

“You’re gonna quit your job over a guy you’ve only known a few months?”

“Why not? It’s better than giving up on a great guy over some job I've only had a few months. I’m not just gonna quit though, don’t worry. I’ll get something else lined up first. But I have a decent portfolio. I don’t think it’ll be that hard.”

“Okay. Well, what if it doesn’t work? What if he’s full of shit, making excuses? What if you leave for him and he still just wants to be friends.”

“Honestly, at this point, if there’s any chance of me being his friend, I think I’ll need some distance for a while to get over him. And also, if I call his bluff and tell him I’m going to quit, and he still doesn’t want to be with me, then hopefully he’ll at least have the decency to tell me the real reason why. Otherwise, maybe I shouldn’t even try being his friend. Maybe, in that case, I’d have to face that he’s not who I thought he was and move on. But I won’t be able to do that unless I know for sure. So yeah, the more I think about it, this seems like the obvious solution regardless of the outcome.”

She pouts at me, clearly not happy, but she doesn’t have an argument against it, so she concedes, “I hate it when you’re right.”

“I know.” I reach over and hold her hand, giving it a little squeeze. “Sorry about your jacket.”

She smiles at that, “It’s okay. Do you feel better at least?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Worth it then.”

Prev // Next

AN: Thank you so so much @madebycoffee for creating the perfect poses for this scene!!! This was my very first car scene and I was so nervous about it, but I love how it turned out and I couldn't have done it without you!! 🥹🩵🧡

[liloinkoink]

hey guys, someone just sent me a weird ass ask claiming my incredibly close friend cherri @cherrifire secretly hate me and is talking abt me behind my back. i was not the only person to get one of these identical slanderous asks. i’ve already blocked the anon but like. open letter to them, and for the benefit of anyone else who gets an ask like this….

1) anon, you’re genuinely fucking stupid

2) hysterical to send this when i was actively chatting w her, while we were in the process of fleshing out yet another renchanting au, something we have done all day every day for… gosh, how long has it been now? nearly two years? i would say that it was really bad timing to send this ask to me while i was actively chatting aus w her but there really isn’t any moment you could have sent this that i wouldn’t have been.

3) if you thought i wasn’t gonna call bullshit and snitch immediately you don’t know shit about me or cherri, which, granted, is evident by the ask in general, but you really are stupid

4) if a gc like this existed—which it does not, bc cherri is not like this and would not do this—i would be in it. this idiot doesn’t even know im cherri’s emotional support writer. do you have any idea how many gcs and servers she’s dragged me into w her.

5) get your facts right cherri talks shit about me to my face. this is mutual. fake ass fan. if you were a real cherri friend you would know this smh

6) no, actually, you’re right, she definitely hates me. that’s why i met her irl literally like 3 months ago on her invitation, we hung out for a genuine week, spent basically the whole time arm in arm or hand in hand. this is also why we were planning a second meetup last night. you idiot. you fool. you complete and utter moron

anyway, if anyone gets this ask:

it’s complete bullshit. theyre sending this to cherri’s best friends for some godforsaken reason. it’s very weird and deeply cringe. also incredibly poorly planned. idk how many ppl you sent this to, but a few of us are in a gc and we have been making fun of this ask for like an hour (anon, im one of cherri’s friends and she’s been telling a small group of friends about you— lol. lmao even)

anyway like. to reiterate. cherri’s one of my best friends, she’s absolutely lovely and i’m lucky every day to know her. we hang out and chat constantly and we’ve met irl and it was an incredible experience i would love to repeat. i have told her things i have not fuckin told anyone else and you could not otherwise waterboard out of me. i love talking to her all the time and i miss her when she’s busy for even like, an hour. i love writing w her and creating things w her. she’s an incredibly bright spot in my life, often the first person i think of upon waking and the last i think of before i sleep. she is kind and funny and i love her a lot.

i’m a bitch tho so like @ this anon go fuck yourself. you better hope that when you die that the devil finds you before i do. sending this ask to a bunch of our friends, trying to turn the people she cares about against her, and for what? you clearly don’t know her well enough to be talking like this. trying to ruin my friend’s reputation and friendships w a vague as hell and entirely baseless copy paste is super fucking weird. why would you do this? and like, do you think we were born yesterday to fall for this? i’m insulted for her for whatever it was you were trying to pull and i’m insulted on behalf of myself and everyone else you sent this to that you think we’re as stupid as you are. what is your damage. get a hobby.

[heavyhitterheaux]

“Don’t pretend you’re still mad at me”

Slight NSFW under the cut

You peeked open the bedroom door to see Jack laying across the bed as his head was resting on his hand as he turned the page in the book that he was reading and you immediately went and laid next to him. He simply glanced down at you before returning his attention back to the book. Seeing this, you quickly snatched the book from his reach and pushed him down onto the bed as you climbed on top of him without him saying a word.

“Smush.” You said as you looked down at him, but all he did was give you a blank stare.

“Oh, so that’s how we’re going to play?” You asked him and he simply shrugged his shoulders.

“Hmm, I see.” You whispered as your hand traveled further south and immediately went into his shorts and you began to lightly stroke him. His body couldn’t help but to respond to your touch as you reached down to kiss him. To your surprise, he didn’t kiss you back which instantly made you roll your eyes.

“Don’t pretend you’re still mad at me.” You whispered in his ear.

“But I am mad at you. I told you not to do something, but you went and did it anyway all while putting yourself in harm’s way. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you about that, but it needs to stop.” He told you as he pushed your hand away and tried to sit up which made you push him right back down.

“Y/N…. Move.”

“Fine, I promise that it won’t happen again. And no I'm not moving.”

“I’m serious, Y/N. I’m not fucking playing. I want to keep my wife safe. We can’t do the same things we used to do when we were less known and not really in the public eye. You have to have security every time you leave this house. You got it?”

“I know you’re serious, baby and like I said, I promise that it won’t happen again.” You whispered as you pulled his shorts all the way down along with his boxer briefs.

“Now, are you going to let me make it up to you or not?” You asked as you glided your tongue along the side of his dick starting from the base and going all the way up to the tip and licking up the precum that was leaking out and looking up to see that Jack had an unreadable expression on his face and you looked at him confused.

“Pookie?”

“Switch positions with me.”

“Wait for what?”

“Stop asking questions and do what I said. Get there or I'll put you there myself. Your choice.”

“You won't even believe how wet I just got by hearing you say that.” You told him and all he did in response was rip your thong off your body making you gasp and grazed his fingers across your folds.

“Hmm, now let's find out if that's true.”

“Did you just rip my new thong that I bought YESTERDAY?” You exclaimed and Jack immediately flipped the two of you over and then turned you around placing you face down on the bed.

“I’m the last person that you want to get loud with. Be a good girl for me and I’ll buy you another one.”

“I want three in different colors.”

“Keep talking and I’m not buying you anything. Don't talk unless I tell you to. Now come here.”

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 76

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe: Military School

Words: 5K

TW: Abuse Mention

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Saturday, March 26; 9:00 PM – Jenni and Alexia's apartment.

The evening is underway. We're at Jenni's since her apartment is the closest to The United. Needless to say, our friend is well-stocked with beer for the girls' enjoyment. We ordered takeout – Chinese food, to keep things simple. The others left us about an hour ago to enjoy their own evening. We started ours by playing a few rounds of car racing games on Jenni's PlayStation. The games went on until our stomachs started growling. I think Mapi was mostly tired of Alexia beating us. It seems like she's had a bit more practice than we have. So now we're eating, and I took the opportunity to share the good news I received today.

"And so, she’s willing to take you on at her gallery?" Ale asks. "That’s crazy. Small world, huh?"

"We're not complaining," Mapi replies with her mouth full.

She swallows before continuing:

"We were starting to worry you wouldn’t be with us next year."

"Oh no. I was more worried about ending up with nothing. I don’t think I would have left anyway..."

"But is this thing certain?" Ale asks.

"Supposedly. She wants me to visit the gallery and spend a weekend there to see if it works for both of us."

"That’s cool. At least you’ll get a feel for it."

"Yeah, exactly! Plus, she’s a woman running the gallery alone, which suits me even better."

"Yeah, that’s great news," Alexia comments, though with a hint of sadness.

My remark brings about a short silence. I take a deep breath and uncross my legs, placing them on the ground. It was now or never. I mean, there wasn’t a better opportunity.

"I think I’m ready to talk to you about it, girls."

They were both focused on their little boxes of Chinese noodles before I sparked their interest. Neither could hide their surprise.

"You don’t have to," Mapi says first. "I’ve lived in silence for over a year, and I’m fine with that."

"No. Well, no, I don’t have to. But I managed to talk to Lucy about it, so I feel ready to talk to you now. I know you won’t judge me or anything like that anyway."

"That’s the last thing we’d do," Ale replies. "But like Mapi said, don’t feel obligated. Lucy knows, so it’s already a big step for you to have opened up once."

"It’s not about opening up anymore. It’s that you two are my best friends, and I want you to know what destroyed me one day."

They nod in understanding.

"It’s just that if there are two people I’m going to tell this story to, it’s you two."

"Okay," Mapi says first. "Well, if you want to know, I’ve been looking for the truth about all of this for a long time, even though I’ve come up with plenty of scenarios in my head. That piece of garbage Feli still managed to destroy my best friend."

I give a sad smile. It took me a while to understand, but I wasn’t the only one affected by my change in behavior.

"That scumbag, as you put it, abused me for almost a year," I say bluntly, without beating around the bush.

I owed it to myself to do it this way, or my resolve would have evaporated. Still, I can’t bring myself to meet their eyes. I keep my gaze fixed on my box of food, resting on my knees.

"What do you mean, abused...?" Ale murmurs.

"She got angry because of the drugs, and I paid the price... I won’t go into the details. Even Lucy doesn’t know. She ended up figuring it out after my fight with Korbin. I had completely shut down and didn’t want her to treat me at the time, until she understood what was happening."

My throat tightens at the memories resurfacing. It’s harder than I imagined. Alexia, sitting beside me, places her hand on my knee for support.

"I—I didn’t mean to push people away. I just couldn’t stand being touched or approached anymore. I feel vulnerable around people..."

"Oh my God, you poor thing... I didn’t realize it was that bad. So... she hit you?" she asks uncertainly.

I lift my head to see them looking at me with sadness. I sigh and stand up. I don’t like feeling pitied, but I knew what to expect when I started this topic. My back is turned when Mapi speaks before I can answer.

"She did more than that, didn’t she? How far did that bitch go? I mean, you were so strong before. I never would’ve imagined someone could break you like that."

A few tears escape me. I quickly wipe them away. Mapi’s the only person who can guess the full extent of what she did. No one else here knew the Ona from before. So bold and rebellious.

"She did a lot of things I regret," I whisper.

I turn around and lift my sweater to show them my scars. Their gasps fill the room. Some are burn marks, often from cigarettes. Others are knife wounds that struggled to heal properly, as I was never able to treat them. Looking back, I think some of them should have required hospital care. But I never went. It would have meant reporting Feli and going back home. I feel foolish for never doing it now.

"I’ve never seen those," Mapi admits breathlessly.

"Well, if you think about it, I haven’t undressed in front of you since I got back," I point out.

I was never shy with Mapi since she was my high school girlfriend. We used to undress and change in front of each other without any issues before all this.

"The only time you could’ve seen them was at the pool a few months ago, but you were too busy with Ingrid and Joan," I add with a small smile to lighten the mood.

"Oh yeah, that day," she replies. "But wait, you had trouble going to the pool then?" she realizes with shock.

I bite my lip and nod.

"I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t say anything because everyone was so excited. Lucy scolded me in the changing rooms when you all left. She didn’t know no one else had seen them except her... She reassured me and made me feel comfortable before joining you all."

"Oh my God! But why didn’t you say anything?"

"It’s fine, I’m not dead," I joke. "Lucy is slowly helping me feel more comfortable in my body..." I add, blushing.

She’s the first person I allowed to see me in my underwear, practically at the start of our relationship. Granted, I was in bad shape and in a tough spot because of my withdrawal, but I could have refused her help. Somehow, she managed to earn my trust quickly.

"Does she know she abused you?"

I blush even more than before. Mapi never holds back. I can’t even contradict her because we both know she’s right. I had no shame or fear before Feli.

"No," I whisper. "I told her no to avoid her pitying me. She was already worried enough about everything else."

"You can’t hide that from her," Mapi protests.

Her reaction surprises me, and I’m at a loss for words. It’s such a sensitive topic. I’m already pushing myself to talk to her about it, so telling Lucy... the person I share my bed with... is asking a lot. The worst part is that this happened frequently because of Feli’s violence. She had hormone surges she wanted to satisfy, and I was powerless. I often thanked the drugs for helping me forget half of those moments. Seeing my distress and disconnection, Ale steps in to help me.

"Stop, Mapi. This isn’t an easy thing to discuss, especially not with her girlfriend," she defends me.

"What? If I were in her shoes, I’d want to know!" Mapi retorts.

"Please don’t say that," I reply, feeling some remorse now. "I didn’t want her to pity me about this, or worse, to hold back. I wanted everything to happen at my own pace, with her help, and that’s what happened. »

Ale nods in understanding, while Mapi crosses her arms. I sigh at that.

“I was planning to tell her after our first time, but I’m afraid she might take it badly, or... I don’t know... Her reaction scares me a little.”

“She would have every reason to take it badly,” Mapi grumbles. “She would’ve reacted differently if she’d known!”

“And that’s exactly what I wanted to avoid. You know very well I hate being pitied! That’s not how she would’ve helped me!”

Mapi dramatically sighs and rolls her eyes. I understand her frustration. Mapi is the only one who knew me before all of this. She hates that I’ve become so secretive. I guess she expected me to open up at least with the woman who shares my life so she could take care of me. But this is still my choice.

“And what exactly does she know? And since when? Because if even she doesn’t know everything, I’m not sure how to help you anymore.”

“Come on, you’re exaggerating. She’s known a lot for a while. She knows I was a junkie and that I lived in abandoned places with Feli and the other addicts.”

“She knows why you ran away?” Mapi snaps with a certain bitterness.

“Yes, she knows about my dad’s death in combat, and how close we were. She also knows about the communication problems with my family, especially with my mom... Even though that’s a lot better now.”

“And she knows she was violent?”

“Yes, since Korbin, she knows. Like I said before, she’s the only one who will ever know the details of every one of my scars.”

I say this preemptively to stand my ground. I understand she’s still worried about me after hearing all of this, but she has no right to question my choices. Not about Lucy, nor about what I choose to tell her. Mapi narrows her eyes for a moment before sighing in defeat.

“Fine,” she mutters.

“Lucy has helped you a lot...”

I give a sad smile to Alexia, who seems a bit shocked. The poor thing just learned a lot all at once. I had never told her any of this before. To my surprise, she doesn’t resent me for keeping it from her, judging by the way she continues.

“I remember the first day we met. You brushed me off like never before,” she laughs. “I thought I was in for a rough year, and that we’d never be friends given the anger coming off you…”

The way I acted when I met Alexia is one of my biggest regrets. We’ve become very close since then. Alexia just wanted a friend, having never had one before, and I’m glad she can now count me as one.

“But in the end...” she continues. “Once you faced Lucy, I saw that anger disappear. I don’t know how she did it, but she really helped you work through a lot.”

My shoulders slump at this truth. She understands what my girlfriend has done for me. I nod softly to confirm.

“Yes… That’s exactly what happened. She pushed me physically and mentally with punishments… Yet she always listened and supported me. I questioned myself so many times because of her, and I started to trust her. Once she realized that, she began to rebuild me.”

“You see,” Alexia turns to Mapi. “You’re scolding her for not opening up enough… But I think Lucy already knows.”

“Why do you say that?” my best friend asks, frowning.

“Because Ona has never needed to speak for Lucy to understand that something is wrong.”

I sit at these words. If I were honest with myself, I’d say that’s exactly what I hoped for from Lucy. I pushed her away so many times when things got serious, hoping she’d figure out what I’d been through. Unfortunately, she’s never brought it up. So I don’t know if she knows.

“I’m sorry,” Mapi says. “You’re probably right, Ale. I was so jealous at first of how easily she reads you when I’m supposed to know you best… So yeah… She probably already knows, if I could figure it out.”

“I hope so,” I murmured. “I don’t want to say it out loud.”

“Do you still have trouble with people in general?” Mapi asks me.

“No... Well, school and Lucy in particular have helped me open up to the world again. I still push people away sometimes when they surprise me with touch, but it’s happening less and less. We’re working on it a lot.”

“With Lucy?”

“Yes. She’s helping me regain my confidence. In fact, I finally gave myself to her last week.”

“She’s really had a lot of patience. Kudos to her, because I would never have been able to do what she’s done in such a short time.”

“Totally,” Ale agrees. “It’s no wonder you’re so close. Even if you two hadn’t gotten together, I think you’d have maintained a strong bond that the other students wouldn’t understand.”

“Speaking of school, I forgot to tell you, but Wiegman knows,” I said.

The girls look at me without any visible reaction, taking a moment to process what I said.

“Who’s Wiegman?” Mapi responds.

“What do you mean Wiegman knows?!” Ale exclaims.

“Wiegman knows,” I repeat with a small laugh. “Wiegman is the school principal, and she knows. My management professor, who has a crush on Lucy, talked about us to Wiegman. Lucy was there to hand in her resignation letter, and she confessed. She didn’t want to lie, especially since she was about to leave anyway.”

“Wow!” Mapi exclaims. “She’s lost it!”

“But what happened? Are you two getting expelled?”

“No. We think the fact that she knows my mom helped a lot. She also took Lucy’s resignation into account. Since we’re at the end of the school year, she’s letting us finish, and I’m allowed to continue my evening classes since they’re part of my apprenticeship,” I explain with a shrug. “We just have to keep being discreet because if any student finds out, she won’t be able to do anything to stop us from getting expelled.”

“Wow!” Ale exclaims. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Yep. So… Wiegman knows,” I sighed.

“Lucy really took some big risks.”

“I know. I felt bad when she told me, but it just goes to show that honesty pays off.”

“And when did all of this happen?”

“Yesterday.”

“And then you say nothing interesting happens in your life,” Mapi mutters to Ale, who bursts out laughing.

“Alright, enough about me. What about you two!? You always let me go first.”

I look at them in turn. They glance at each other, and Alexia decides to go ahead.

“Well, nothing special. Alba agreed to meet Jenni at Leah’s party. Of course, Jenni accepted, but she’s terrified,” she laughs. “She’s afraid of Alba’s reaction.”

“Your sister’s a bit of a pain,” Mapi comments.

“A bit, yeah,” she sighs. “It’s partly my fault too. I hid my relationship for way too long. I shouldn’t have.”

“True,” I agreed.

“Have you talked to Lucy about it? Are you two coming?”

I shake my head, crushing her hopes instantly.

“Sorry, but she refused. Since we’re under scrutiny with Wiegman, she really wants to wait until the end of the school year before we go public with my school friends.”

“Damn…” she sighs.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be well surrounded. Misa will be there, I imagine.”

“Yeah…”

“She’s really cool, you know. We helped each other out when you and Alba were called in. Maybe you could do the same for her that night…”

“I’ll see,” she grimaces. “I’m not sure where to place her. She came to tell me, and I quote, ‘we should get to know each other better.’”

“Who’s she? Your sister-in-law?”

“Ew, don’t call her that,” Ale replies.

I laugh heartily. It seems like things still aren’t smooth between them. I know she doesn’t really like her, but she’d be surprised.

“Come on, she’ll be a good help, trust me.”

- Yeah, well, wait. I think Alba plans to spend part of the holidays with us, like, "to make up for lost time," you know? I'm so pissed! I thought we'd finally be able to enjoy some time just the two of us!

I laugh again. I understand how she feels. It’s always like that with Lucy. We plan to be together, and then everything gets turned upside down. It's complicated with family all over the place.  

- And on top of that, you two won't be here, she adds. I heard you're leaving a week early.  

- Yeah, we're going to my grandfather's for the first week. Since we're going to Portugal, we might as well make the most of it, I replied.  

- Yeah, that's true, but once again, you won't be here to back me up, she says, pouting.  

- Either way, we wouldn't have been here. You'll have to wait until the end of the year for that.  

- Damn it, sighs Ale. It's ridiculous. It’s not like our friends would rat you out.

- Oh, you never know! Mapi surprisingly defends us. All it takes is for someone to have something against Lucy or even Ona, and boom, they're screwed.

- Yeah, mumbles Ale, not entirely convinced.

I laugh quietly to myself, but I think that’s exactly what Lucy believes too. That, and maybe the fact that she doesn’t want to get too close to her students before she leaves. I’m giving her some space for now, but once exams are over, she won’t have any more excuses. I definitely plan to introduce her to the whole gang.  

- So, Mapi, what about you? Anything new?  

- Not much. I'm selling my apartment. Preparing for my move... The school accepted my enrollment.  

- That's awesome! Ale comments.  

- Yeah, definitely a good thing. Also, my parents got in touch.  

- No way! What did they want?  

- To spend time together and reconnect, she laughs bitterly. Apparently, they wanted to check in on me and see how I was doing.  

- Ouch. Any hidden agenda?  

- No idea. I refused. I plan to spend my vacation here getting settled. I told them that and mentioned I have a girlfriend. When they started giving me grief about it, I hung up.  

- No surprise, I grimaced. They didn’t even ask how you were doing before that?  

- Nope. They started by asking how school’s going, if I’m doing well... Same old. I guess they still don’t have anyone to take over their stupid business. I wasn’t planning on seeing them again anyway. They probably thought I’d changed my mind about how I live. They still haven’t realized I’ll never be straight or take over their damn succession.  

- But what exactly do they hold against you? Ale asks calmly.  

- Well, exactly what I just said. Being a lesbian and loving engineering, which they consider a "man’s job." They would’ve preferred me to inherit the family business and start a family with a man for the succession. I’ve always refused. There’s no way I’m pretending to be someone I’m not for people who were never there for me.  

I smile sadly. She rarely talks about her family, even to me. All I know is that they’re rich, always off on business trips, and were never around. The day of her accident was the turning point for her. They couldn’t even be there for her, so she not only rejected her inheritance but also cut ties with them. I knew it was hard for her. Despite what she says, she values family a lot. I can tell when she’s with mine. She’s always said I had nothing to complain about. I find it awful that her parents want her to be someone she’s not. I’m glad she’s finally found some peace in her life thanks to Ingrid.  

- Anyway, no more news from them. I’m living my life, about to join you guys, and it’s about time. I’m really happy about that.  

- And how’s your leg?  

- It’s doing better. The pain is less frequent. But I know it’ll never fully heal. I was told that after the first surgeries.  

- Do you need another operation soon?  

- No, your mom managed to avoid that. We found other solutions. Better physios,… Anyway, they’ll never be able to fully fix it.  

- What happened, with that? Ale asks hesitantly.  

- Car accident. Wasn’t even my fault, she jokes with a laugh. A drunk driver crashed head-on into my mom and me. My knee got completely crushed. According to all the doctors, I was very lucky, if not miraculous, to have saved it.  

My heart sinks every time she talks about it. She was heading home with her mom when it happened. Mapi was the most injured since the car hit her side. The man in the other car flew through the windshield and didn’t make it. Her mom was the least hurt, with just a broken arm and a few cracked ribs. They were rushed to the hospital, especially Mapi, whose knee was shattered. Their father joined them at the hospital. What I find disgusting is that once her mom recovered, her parents didn’t stay with her. Mapi was a teenager, and legally, they shouldn’t have left her alone. But they did. They went back on business trips for days. They only visited occasionally to check on her progress. Mapi had to go through several surgeries alone, with no support. Then came the physical therapy, where they’d just drop her off at the doctors without asking if she needed help. She’s always said that the best thing her parents did for her was bringing her to Barcelona. They were advised to go to the best surgeons there. That’s when we met at school, and my mom started visiting her at the hospital since she was always alone. She’s always told me that her real family is us.  

- By the way, did you call your mom about the wedding?  

- What wedding? Ale asks.  

I blush in embarrassment. I didn’t even have time to tell her. My God, I really need to get back to reality.  

- My mom’s getting married to her partner. I called her this morning, and I agreed to be her maid of honour.  

Mapi practically explodes with joy, jumping on me. I laugh softly. I know she’s always wanted us to get along better since she’s always gotten along with my mom.  

- No way? Oh, I’m so happy! So, you’re going?  

- Of course, I roll my eyes. It’ll be after the exams. June 18th.  

- Oh no, Ale groans. You won’t even be here for my birthday!  

- Really? When’s your birthday? I ask.  

- Well… the 18th, she laughs.  

- Damn. No, we definitely won’t be here, I chuckle. We’ll probably head to Barcelona right after the exams to help with the preparations and all that. Lucy suggested it to get a break before the exam results come out.  

- Oh, that’s even better! You’ll be with me then! Can Ingrid come too?  

- My mom will probably invite her too, so yeah, of course, I laugh.  

- Well, I’m still upset. No one will be here for my birthday, Ale says, crossing her arms.  

- Oh, come on, we’ll celebrate your birthday, don’t worry.  

I say, giving her a hug. The last thing I want is to not celebrate her birthday.  

- Yeah. We’ll do it when we’re back. Maybe a night out, something with lots of drinks! It would do us good.  

- Speaking of drinks, I saw a bottle of champagne in the fridge. Anyone interested?  

- Yeah! Mapi exclaims. Go ahead, pop it open!

We laugh as Ale gets up to grab it. A glass of champagne sounds good tonight. I needed to unwind, and since Lucy is picking me up later, I don’t hesitate to have a drink or two, especially after Ale pulls out the rest of the alcohol from the other night.

Saturday, March 26; 2:50 AM - Jenni and Alexia's Apartment.

- Darling, someone murmurs to me.

I groan, burying my head into something soft, like a pillow. I recognize Lucy’s touch as she runs her hand through my hair, a little mocking laugh escaping her.

- Come on, get up. I need a little help.

I sigh contentedly, blinking my eyes open. It’s hard to keep them open, even though there’s no light in the room.

- You can stay here if you want, I hear Jenni offer.

- No, no. We’re heading home. Come on, babe, at least sit up so I can carry you.

I groan as she pulls my arms, trying to sit me up. I never know where she gets her strength, but somehow, she always manages. I have a slight headache. I definitely overdid it with the drinks tonight. I don't even know what time it is. Wrapping my arms around my girlfriend, I teasingly pull her toward me. She laughs before pressing her lips to mine.

- You’re not going to make this easy, are you?

- Nope, I grumble.

Too tired to fight back, I let my head fall onto her shoulder. She takes advantage of my state to pull me to the edge of the couch, then lifts me by holding me firmly by the thighs. My limp body betrays me, collapsing entirely against her.

- Thanks again for the evening.

- Will you be okay? Jenni asks her.

- Oh, yeah. It’s not the first time I’ve had to carry her, she jokes.

- Alright, she laughs. Be careful on your way back. Text me when you’re home.

- I will. Thanks.

I hear the door close as Lucy moves, followed by the sound of the elevator. I wait until the doors close to speak.

- You’re not mad at me? I mumble.

- Mad at you for what, baby? she whispers.

She gives me a little bounce to adjust her grip on my body. I groan softly at the jostling.

- For drinking too much, I whisper into her neck.

I’m being honest, because I know she knows. We didn’t have time to clean up the bottles, and I must reek of alcohol. I'd rather be upfront than face a scolding.

- No, she surprises me by saying. Not in this environment, where it’s safe.

A long breath of relief escapes me. She kisses my temple and finally exits when we reach the ground floor. I can feel the cold, and I realize I don’t have my jacket on.

- I’m warning you, once we get to our building, you’re walking up. You’re getting heavy, I swear.

I laugh into her neck as best I can, but I nod. I figure by the time we get there, I’ll be somewhat awake. Somehow, Lucy manages to get me into the car, and I hear the door shut before she walks around to the driver’s side. That’s when I notice my jacket is draped over my lap. I decide to put it on to stay warm.

- I love you, you know that? I say, in the middle of the drive, making my girlfriend laugh.

- Yeah, babe. I think I’m aware, she teases.

- Why are you laughing? It’s not funny. I’m being very serious! I huff.

- I’m not laughing.

- Yes, you are!

- Well, only because you’re the most adorable thing when you’re drunk. I forgot how happy you get in these moments.

- Does that mean I can drink again? I say excitedly.

- I never forbade you from drinking, she sighs.

- Yes, you did at the beginning.

- Yeah, but back then, you weren’t as responsible as you are now. And the places you frequented weren’t exactly the safest.

- Blah, blah, blah.

- Babe, she giggles. Don’t pick a fight in such a nice moment.

- Hmm, I reply, stretching. I’ll try not to, I tease.

We arrive at our building, and Lucy parks in the underground garage. This time, she doesn’t carry me up, but she still helps me stay upright and even undress me a little once we get to our apartment.

- Can I wear one of your shirts? I mumble as I collapse onto the bed.

- Of course.

I’m down to my underwear as she rummages through our closet. I take off my bra without any hesitation. Partly because I’m drunk, partly because I’ve become comfortable with Lucy since we made love.

- Here, she says, tossing me one.

I put it on quickly and slide under the covers, watching Lucy change. Once she’s done, she joins me in bed. I barely have time to snuggle up to her before I feel myself drifting off. I can still feel her lips against mine just before I fall asleep.

- Good night, my love.

- Good night, baby, I mumble back.

[strawbslvr]

How shifting finds us at the right time! + Me before and after shifting.

TW!!!! Mention of su!c!de, family issues, depression, fucked up mental health! And lots of yapping!

@a-fish-learningtowalk

Let’s go back all the way to 2022. At the start of the year I found out about subliminals, so basically I was scrolling through YouTube and there was this video that popped up every time I refreshed my home page. It was something like “Glow up in a day” ,the thumbnail was a pretty girl and the video was like 1 minute and something long so I was like “why are they capping, glow up in a day and the literal video is 1 minute long??! What a sick joke” but out of curiosity I clicked it and then I was welcomed with MUSIC and then I was like “hah! I knew they were capping, this is just music!” But I went to the comment section and there were literally people saying

“Omg this is a masterpiece! My mom came to my room and told me how pretty I look”

Then someone was also like “this literally gave me results in a week.

Edit: A GIRL TOLD ME IN SCHOOL HOW PRETTY I LOOK!!!”

Those were the comments that I still remember cause they confused me the most. After that I was just like ???tf? But when I went to the description I saw a term “sub” few times and then there was used the term “subliminal” so I just assumed that the term sub was just short for subliminal.

I went and searched what the fuck did I just see aka I just searched what is subliminal. There was this woman in a video that explained it and at first i obviously was like “what the fuck? This is so cool and too good to be true” cause babe wdym I can listen to an audio that can change my appearance and all of that stuff.

Well that’s how I just viewed it to be which isn’t exactly the case.

I listened to some subs for the rest of the night but I was just so disappointed when I woke up the next day and saw no results and just immediately guessed that this was just plain cap. And after that I stopped listening to subliminal but the craziest part was like I totally forgot they existed like after that. (I will tell more later!)

Summer 2022

At this time I got into my k-pop phase I was constantly daydreaming of my group and how I wanted it to be, literally imagining scenarios throughout the day and I literally wrote in Pinterest “K-pop idol scenarios”💀 I was deadass.

Then in one scroll I found a bunch of scenarios from TikTok, (they were just screenshotted and put into Pinterest.) it was like “scenarios for your K-pop Dr” at first I was like tf is a Dr? But I just decided to ignore it and move on and just read the scenarios cause they were good but that Dr term continued to pop in every picture I saw and then I truly got curious. To which resulted in me searching what is a Dr? Google said it’s a short for desired reality, and I just assumed sum stupid shit.

Anyways 2022 came to an end. And I TOTALLY forgot about subliminals and K-pop idol scenarios and tf is a Dr. like I’m not joking I totally forgot those existed.

2023 start.

The year I turned 18, yippeee!! So the start of the year was somewhat ok, few months later I started getting problems with my parents. Arguments with my parents, especially dad increased like A LOT. My parents started to get mad at some stupid stuff, their temper was just like shit. School started pressuring and at that period I had A LOT of exams (I still do but 👀) I didn’t have time for myself and I also got sick a lot. And few months passed in this environment and at some point I just admitted that I feel anxious, stressed, suffocated and depressed. Then I got told that my aunt is suffering from this sickness and she needs to do surgery but they had financial issues and the surgery got postponed a lot due to the money missing and that didn’t help my aunt’s health at all. and bro feeling shitty isn’t a surprise at this point. At some stage I decided if this is the life I’m going to live, I don’t want to live at all. I was very su!c!dal, and I attempted like two times but luckily didn’t do it.

2023 summer

One subliminal popped into my YouTube page again, it was something like “goddess like beauty, confidence and a better self concept” thing I’m not sure and then I was like “oh right! These things exist!” And I just listened to it for fun and surprisingly I felt better in few days. And those were few of the best days in the last 6 months of my life. I started actively listening to subliminals and actively affirming. I’m talking about every morning and every night before I go to sleep at least for 30 minutes. And then dududuudud

I found a subliminal about reality shifting and then I again was like “wait? This is that reality traveling thing, how can I forget this?” And I actually asked myself why didn’t I try it before? The summer my journey was honestly mostly jokes and fun, didn’t take it seriously and just did it for the excitement it gave me. But about 2023 fall I actively started scripting and took the journey a bit more seriously than before.

2024 fall. Now.

I still got a lot to improve and a mindset to work on. But I’m just happy of where I am now. I found a reason to live for and like a dark tunnel where at the end you find the light. Shifting brought me hope and genuine peace knowing something like this exists. My aunt did the surgery and she is healing little by little but at least she can practice her normal day life,she still got some checks here and there but nothing compared to what she was in before. I seriously stopped listening to anti shifter since they are just trying to demotivate y’all and me too. If I haven’t found out about shifting I don’t think I would still be here. Shifting seriously finds us at the time we need it the most!

[lw77]

Diet Pepsi 💈 (LSxMV)

Chapter 3. - Sunburn

Sunscreen can be sexy

Author's note: This one is a little filthy, I'm sorry!

“Jeez, who ransacked your room, dude?” Oscar asks, letting out a whistle at the sight of Logan’s room.

“Oscar, please. The striped salmon top or my baby blue one? Or should I just wear a tank?” a harried Logan asks, shoving the two options into Oscar’s hands as he digs through a pile on his bed for his tank top.

“Uhhh, both?” Oscar answers unhelpfully, causing Logan to glare up at him. “I mean, if you’re wearing your white boardies, definitely salmon. It really brings out your… uh, nipples?” he finishes awkwardly.

“Seriously? You aren’t even trying. At least say eyes or tan, Oscar. Something normal. This is why people think we’re dating,” Logan says, shaking his head and abandoning his search for the tank to put on the shirt. Looking in the mirror, he begrudgingly accepts that Oscar is right—the salmon striped shirt does suit his tan (not his nipples).

Meanwhile, Oscar shudders, remembering the last time they were mistaken for a couple.

“Ugh, don’t remind me, Log. At least tonight you won’t cockblock me. I’m ready to be someone’s pillow princess,” Oscar says with an exaggerated, dreamy sigh for effect.

“Oh yeah? You’ve never seen them, have you?” Logan giggles. “Osc, you’re in for a treat—international ones at that.”

“I better be. It’s been so dry, and if tonight isn’t fruitful, I’m either going to be a born-again virgin or drown myself in that lake, I swear,” Oscar says, pointing at Logan in the mirror.

Swatting Oscar as he turns away from the mirror, Logan says, “Shut up. The only thing you’re going to drown in is your own saliva. Seriously, just wait until you see. Alex is so lucky he’s only bicurious for the homies when he’s sloshed. I don’t know how else he’d handle working around all of them all day.”

Snickering, Oscar replies, “He definitely can’t kiss you tonight, but I’m ready for some homie cuddles and kisses if tonight’s a fail.”

“Always here for some homie cuddles and kisses,” Alex says seriously, hand up in a mock salute as he walks into Logan’s room, mindful of the piles littering the floor.

“Can you please tell Oscar that you work with too many hot people for him to end up in your lap?” Logan pleads with Alex, dashing around as he fills his bag with a change of clothes, towel, and other necessities.

“While my lap is always open to the homies, Osc, there are a couple in there who are definitely your type. I’d be a little more excited,” Alex tells Oscar with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

“Fine, I’ll be realistically optimistic,” Oscar sighs.

“I—uh, I don’t think that’s quite how it works, but there you go,” Alex responds, a little baffled.

“Anyway, how much are we betting that Logan’s going to pop a boner when he sees big Max all wet? Ooo ahh ,” Oscar asks, pitching his voice high to imitate Logan, even pulling his hands together and making his eyes go wide and sparkly.

“Oh, I kind of bet with the boys on whether Max was going to, so Logan, I need you to really pull through for me. I have $100 riding on it,” Alex says, putting his hands up in a "what can you do" motion.

With his hands on his hips, Logan says, “I don’t know whether to be mad that you’re all betting on us, or happy that you have so much faith in my game.”

Twirling his car keys, Alex smiles cheekily and asks, “So, are we ready to go, guys? Your prince awaits, Angel .” Alex drops his tone in a poor imitation of Max.

Logan smacks his shoulder as he grumbles past him and Oscar with a poorly concealed, “traitors.”

Oscar and Alex laugh as they follow him out. “Wait, Angel , come on! Don’t be like that now,” Oscar yells after him.

—---------------- 

The drive to Danny’s lake house is filled with their endless chatter. Once they arrive, Danny walks out to greet them, arms wide open. “Welcome! Welcome! Mi casa es mi casa!” 

“It’s ‘mi casa es su casa,’ buddy,” Logan quickly quips as he gives Danny a hug.

“I know what I said, Logie-Boy. Oscar! Glad you made it. Ready to represent Australia, brother?” Danny enthusiastically jostles Oscar under his arm. Oscar just looks at Alex and Logan and replies, “Err, sure?”

Danny delivers a warm slap to Oscar's back. “Good enough for me! And our man of the hour, Alex, are you excited for our day out on the water?”

“Yeah, Danny! And you promised me jet skis, remember?” Alex responds, his smile wide with excitement.

“Oh, don’t you worry, Alex. I’ve got you covered.” Danny flashes them all a bright smile. “Now, follow me. The boat’s docked out back; we’re just getting ready to pull out.” He leads them inside through the home’s large oak door.

“If you guys need anything from the fridge or the bathroom, feel free,” Danny says, vaguely gesturing as they walk through the kitchen and make their way to the deck outside.

They greet the other boys along the way, making introductions as they introduce Oscar as well. 

Once the trio reaches the dock, Alex promptly runs into Logan’s back, and Oscar collides with him. Their friend has come to a stop. “I think you should get your money back, Alex,” Logan whispers, eyes wide as he takes in Max in all his shirtless glory, untying one of the ropes. Muscles flexing, with a light sheen of sweat on his body, Max brushes his hair out of his eyes. And heavens above, his head is turning in their direction.

Max lowers his arm as he catches Logan’s gaze, sending a wave their way while his other hand remains occupied with the mooring line. 

Alex claps Logan on the shoulder. “It’s too late, Logie Bear. Just jump in the water when you feel your princess jump to attention. I have faith in you!” He gives Logan another reassuring clap and pushes him down the dock toward the boat.

The boys continue past Max after a brief hello, but Logan stays behind. “Hey, Angel, you ready for the boat today?”

“He-Hi Max, yeah, I uh, think so,” Logan replies, his nerves evident.

Max gives him a once-over, noting his unbuttoned shirt and his tiny white board shorts. His gaze flicks back to Logan’s face. “Did you bring sunscreen, sweetheart?” A trace of concern colouring his voice.

Logan digs through his tote bag until he triumphantly pulls out a bottle of Banana Boat, presenting it eagerly. “Yes! Did you need some?”

“No, Angel, just worried for your pretty little face.” With his free hand, Max’s thumb strokes Logan’s cheek. “Wouldn’t want your pretty face to burn out there.” He tilts his head, his thumb and index finger gently holding Logan’s chin, asking, “Now, would we?”

Logan shakes his head side to side, still holding Max’s gaze. “No.”

From inside the boat, they hear George shout for everyone to board now, directing Max to let the mooring line go. 

They head to its back, Logan looking at the slight jump to get on the cabin cruiser with trepidation. 

“Come on, Angel, I’ll help you up,” is all the warning Logan gets before Max’s hands are on his waist, lifting him from the dock and onto the boat.

“Max!” is all the protest Logan manages before he’s gently placed on the floor of the boat. Looking back, he sees Max's answering grin, followed by his hands on Logan’s shoulders, guiding him further inside.

They greet George at the helm, who stands with his white shirt unbuttoned, wearing navy boardies and a captain’s hat perched on his soft curls, which he tips at Logan in jest.

At Max’s side, Logan giggles at George’s antics.

Max’s hand travels from where it rests on Logan’s shoulder, leaving a trail of warmth as it reaches his waist with a squeeze. Pulling Logan into him, he asks, “Excited, Angel?” His lips brush Logan’s ear with every syllable.

Logan turns to him, their lips inches apart, eyes slightly looking up as he nods in affirmation before asking, “Mmhmm, you?”

Max answers with another squeeze to his waist as he leans against the cabin, pulling Logan between his legs. Both hands now resting lower on Logan’s waist, Max’s eyes locking onto his. “Of course. Are you swimming or just laying back and tanning, pretty?” His thumbs stroke Logan’s hip bones through his shorts.

Logan swallows as he feels Max’s hands overlap on his hips, large enough to wrap around him with ease. 

Logan brings his hands to Max’s bare chest, flattening his palms against the steady beat of his heart. Eyeing the golden brush of hair there, he grins. “Why are you trying to get me wet?” he teases, flicking his gaze back up to Max’s eyes to gauge his reaction.

Max simply squeezes Logan’s hips again, spreading his fingers as they brush the edge of Logan’s shorts. “I don’t know, Angel. Can you blame me?”

Logan’s breath hitches slightly as Max’s fingers toy with the hem of his shorts, their bodies pressed together in the gentle sway of the boat. The air between them feels thick, buzzing with the unspoken tension Logan's trying to ignore for Alex’s sake. But Max's eyes, dark with intent, make it nearly impossible.

"I’m starting to think you can’t help yourself," Logan quips softly, though the slight tremble in his voice betrays his composure. His fingers trace the cross dangling from Max’s neck, pressing it lightly into his chest.

Max chuckles low, the sound vibrating through Logan’s hands. "You might be right," he murmurs, leaning closer until their foreheads nearly touch, the teasing edge of his smile never quite leaving his face. “You’re irresistible, Angel. Wanted you for a while now, and now I can’t help myself.”

Logan’s face flushes, and he feels the warmth spread through him, almost drowning out the cool breeze coming off the water. He bites his bottom lip, his gaze darting away, unsure how much longer he can hold out before closing the distance between them.

Before he can think too much about it, Max’s hand slides up his back, fingers grazing his skin just under his shirt. Logan’s breath hitches again.

“Max,” Logan warns, his voice barely above a whisper.

Max smirks, eyes twinkling, his lips ghosting just shy of Logan’s. “You’re so wound up, Angel.” His hands are so big, Logan feels them branding his skin with their warmth.

Logan’s sharp inhale is cut short by a voice calling out from the helm.

“Oi! Lovebirds, we’re anchored!” George shouts, oblivious to the tension between them as he leans casually against the wheel. “I’m not watching this rom-com unfold all day. Get your butts in the water or I’m leaving without you!”

Logan pulls back quickly, startled, and laughs awkwardly as he breaks free from Max’s grasp. "Guess we should—"

But Max grabs his wrist, pulling him back for a brief moment, his eyes glinting mischievously. “Don’t forget your sunscreen, yeah? I’ll see you, Angel,” he says, voice low and promising, kissing the inside of Logan’s wrist before letting go with a smirk.

Logan swallows hard, feeling his heart race as he stumbles a bit toward the edge of the boat, taking the stairs two at a time.

“Logie bear, there you are!” Alex exclaims as he catches sight of him.

“We’re going on the jet skis first, Log, you wanna ride with one of us?” Oscar asks.

“No, I think I’ll just swim first, but you guys have fun,” Logan says, hoping the flush on his chest has subsided.

“Oh, swim , yes of course. I have faith in you, princess,” Alex teases, lifting a fist in solidarity as his eyes trail down to Logan’s shorts.

“You dic–” Logan isn’t even done swearing at his best friend before he turns swiftly to jump on one of the jet skis.

“It’s okay, Logan, I’ll splash him for you,” Oscar says, patting Logan’s shoulder consolingly. 

Logan spins on him with a grin. “Thanks, Osc. Anyway, wasn’t I right?”

“Yeah, who wa—” Oscar’s cut off as George puts a hand on his shoulder, asking, “Oscar, right? George. Your captain for all intents and purposes,” he introduces with a wink and a hat tilt identical to the one he gave Logan earlier.

Logan looks at his best friend, noticing how Oscar’s ears have gone bright red, cheeks slightly flushed—all tell-tale signs of his attraction.

“Uh, yeah. Th-thanks, Captain,” Oscar stammers. Logan snickers—it's always the British accents that get Oscar.

Not waiting around for George’s response, Logan unbuttons the remaining ones on his shirt and dives headfirst into the crystal-clear water, the coolness rushing over his heated skin.

As he surfaces, shaking the water from his hair, he looks up to see Max leaning over the edge of the boat, eyes fixed on him.

Charles whistles from the deck. “Think you’ve got a fan, little Logan.” His comment is followed by more catcalls from the other guys.

Logan ignores them, letting the water cool his flushed skin, though he can still feel Max’s gaze burning into him.

—--- 

Logan climbs back onto the boat, feeling the lingering coolness of the water and a soft fatigue setting in. Toweling off his hair and body, he spots all the boys whizzing across the horizon on their jet skis. Without much thought, Logan spreads his towel in the sunniest part of the deck and lays down on his stomach, ready for a nap.

He’s drifted off when he feels a gentle hand combing through his damp hair, followed by Max’s concerned voice. “Where’s your sunscreen, Angel? You’re already burning a little.”

Logan opens one eye, too tired from his swim to muster a proper response. He just shrugs and pushes his head deeper into Max’s hand, a silent invitation for him to keep playing with his hair.

Max chuckles softly. “Alright, Angel. You want me to put it on you?”

Logan gives a lazy nod, barely lifting his head. He feels Max’s thumb trace a slow line from the nape of his neck down to the base of his spine, sending a warm shiver through his body. The sensation of Max’s touch, combined with the heat of the sun, lulls him deeper into relaxation.

Max works the sunscreen down Logan’s back with smooth, steady movements, lingering at the base of his spine before moving up again to his neck. He pauses, then gently applies the lotion to the back of Logan’s ears, rubbing it into the soft skin. 

Logan shifts a little but doesn’t open his eyes, a contented sigh escaping him.

Max grins, squeezing more sunscreen onto his fingers. He traces a line down Logan’s nose, carefully smoothing it over the bridge and the tip. Then, he adds a generous amount to Logan’s cheeks, saying, “Can’t forget this,” with a soft chuckle. .

Logan scrunches his nose playfully in response, mumbling, “Tickles.”

Max laughs under his breath, finishing by running a thumb over the tips of Logan’s ears, leaving no spot unprotected. “All set Angel,” he whispers, as Logan drifts further into sleep, his face peaceful in the warm sunlight.

—---

When Logan comes to, there's a gentle hand threading through his hair, and his cheek rests against something solid and warm. Blinking against the sun, he gradually realises he's half-lying in Max’s lap. The steady rise and fall of Max’s breathing is comforting, and Logan can feel the warmth of his thigh beneath him, the rhythmic motion of Max's fingers softly caressing his scalp.

Groggy, Logan shifts slightly, turning his face up to meet Max’s gaze. “How long was I out?” he mumbles, still a bit disoriented.

Max smiles down at him, his other hand resting casually on Logan’s back. “Not too long, Angel. The others are still out on the jet skis.”

As Logan sits up and leans against Max, still in that sleepy haze, Max’s arm naturally slips around his waist, effortlessly guiding him onto his lap. Logan’s back rests comfortably against Max’s chest, and with a stifled yawn, he turns his face into the crook of Max’s neck, his breath warm against Max’s skin.

“Wait, Angel,” Max murmurs, his voice gentle but insistent. “–sunscreen on your front now.”

Logan, still half-asleep, grumbles into Max’s neck, “Who cares?”

Max’s grip tightens slightly around Logan’s waist as he chuckles softly. “I do, Angel. I love it when you flush red for me. How will I see your pretty little blush if you’re burnt?”

Logan, still foggy from his nap, only picks up on Max’s concern. With a sigh, he mutters, “Put it on me then.”

Max kisses his neck and grabs the sunscreen, smoothing it over Logan’s chest and shoulders, taking his time as his hands glide over the soft skin. Logan shivers slightly under the coolness of the lotion, feeling Max’s steady, deliberate touch as it spreads warmth in its wake.

The coolness wakes him up a little, and as he looks down, he sees Max’s long fingers and wide palm smoothing sunscreen over his lower stomach. The visual is enough to send arousal pooling in his navel, intensifying with each pass of Max’s fingers through his happy trail. Soon, Max bends his legs to apply sunscreen over them without needing to unplaster himself from Logan’s back.

Once he’s done, Logan realises just how compromising their position is if anyone were to climb back on board. With his thighs bent on either side of Max’s legs and his chest and head reclined against the older man’s body, it makes Logan’s breath hitch. He instinctively hides his face in Max’s neck.

Max picks up on it, dragging his hands from Logan’s thighs up his side before wrapping his arms around his chest, squeezing, grounding Logan briefly. “What’s wrong, Angel? Too much?” 

Still hiding his face, Logan manages a shake of his head, whispering, “No, m-more, p-please.” The request hangs in the air, making the atmosphere between them thick with unspoken tension.

Chapter 1 - Angel

Chapter 2 - Hunter?

[inbabylontheywept]

I love your writing. It’s the type of writing that I love bc other than being easy to read, I admire it bc it accomplishes what I struggle with. It uses few words yet conveys across the idea efficiently, vagueness to its benefit.

Have you heard the phrase “I want to distill myself like poets do”? It comes from a tumblr post of someone trying to express the same thing as me rn.

Anyway the other part of what I wanted to say is that I’m autistic, and when I try to write, I always succumb to the urge to add as many details and overexplanations as possible to avoid being misunderstood. You’re autistic too, but your writing shines in doing the opposite, so I was wondering if you struggled with this too, and how you got better, or if your flavor of autism simply doesn’t manifest in this way and this isn’t a problem to you

Unfortunately, I do naturally tend towards condensed formats. So some part of this is just natural for me. If it makes you feel better, I tried several times to make serials while doing HFY and I never succeeded. I've also tried several times to write books, and I always just get kind of stuck. It's one of my big regrets, so if you have any experience in those, I'd love to hear it. Same from anyone else reading this, actually - if you've made the jump from short stories to long form, I'd like to know how you managed.

Still, despite it being a natural thing for me, I can give you three activities that I've done that improved my short story work very much.

First, improv classes. Attending them will help your writing in ways you will not believe, and also, as an autist, that shit's better than OT. My parents signed me up for some in the summer of my fifth grade year, and they were legit life changing. Way less social anxiety, better writing, I could sing their praises all day. If you do one thing on this list, do this.

Second, write poetry. I do not consider myself a poet, but I attend a weekly poetry writing club, and it has noticeably improved my prose. Find one and go. As you get better, try and constrain the poetry you write to things like rhyme and meter. Writing with artificial constraints is amazing for teaching people to be focused and direct.

And if you have room for a third thing, maybe try finding a way to do extemporaneous public speaking besides the improv. I grew up Mormon, which involves absolutely insane amounts of public speaking from an early age, but I also did stuff like that in middle school NAL and high school speech and debate. Those all helped. They were stressful, and not terribly fun, but they did help, and it's a good skill to have.

I love talking shop, so thanks for asking! And just to reiterate my request from before, anyone that's jumped from short stories to novel length works, please, tell me your secrets. Plz.

[hannahssimblr]

In the kitchen, I make coffee. Two cups, though Evie has not yet stirred. It is twenty past four, and the clouds are tinged red. 

I make my way out to the garden and tip the dew from a patio chair. I leave one cup on the table and sip from the other as I sit back and watch the sky change. 

She’ll get up soon. 

Behind me, silence permeates the house. 

At half past four, my mug is empty. It’s cold out, and the steam no longer rises from Evie’s cup. I leave it for her anyway as I go to make myself a bowl of cereal. 

I eat and finish it. 

She doesn’t come. 

It is a quarter to five. 

But at last, something stirs. The floorboards creak on the stairs, and I spin around, only to be met with the sight of my mother, her hair undone, and no makeup on her face. She comes to the patio door with a thin jumper thrown over her bony shoulders. 

“Are you ready to go?” She says. 

“Yeah. I was just waiting a minute.”

“For what?”

“One of my friends was supposed to get up.”

She checks her watch. “There could be traffic on the M50.”

“It’s not even five.”

“Port traffic, Jude. You don’t know how it’s going to be. I don’t want you to miss your flight, and you still have to pack the car.”

“Fine,” I push past her and carry my cereal bowl to the sink. “I’ll pack. You can warm up the car if you’re in such a hurry.”

Upstairs, I stand over my bags and listen. She doesn’t stir in the guest room, and my stomach sinks like lead. Should I go in? What if she isn’t wearing clothes?

I carry my bags to the car. 

It is five. 

Mom hurries me on as I insist upon once more trip into the house.

“Jeez! I forgot something,” I tell her, and rush to the kitchen. Outside in the driveway, the engine roars to life.

I find a black marker in a drawer, and tear the corner from the lip of the cereal box. I don’t know what to write. 

Sweet dreams, Evie.  See you later, alligator. 

Oh, wonderful. How stupid. There is no time to change it. 

I hurry upstairs, and I slide it under the door. Again, I wait, with the last shred of hope for the sound of her, and again, there’s nothing. 

So I go. 

“Come on, Jude!” Mom says. “You need time to check in.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’ll be fine.”

“Do you have your boarding pass?”

“Yes.”

“Passport?”

“Of course.”

“Phone? Wallet? Charger?” 

“Yes, yes, yes.”

I fling the passenger door of the Audi open and throw my backpack inside. 

Then, from the bushes, there is a rustling, and I pause. 

On the gravel, I stand and I watch as a cat emerges from the laurel. He is small, with grey, slinky fur and a collar with a bell that tinkles with each step. His eyes are funny, like looking two directions at once. A strange, otherworldly face, like he is oblivious to his own existence. 

He saunters over and rubs his furry cheek against my ankle, his body vibrating with a contented purr. I frown. 

“Goose?” 

He doesn’t know he is Goose. 

He remembers me.

“Oh, Jude, for God’s sake!” Mom hisses. “Get in the car!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.”

“Leave that cat alone. Don’t encourage it. It’ll come by looking for food from me, tormenting me every time I leave the house.”

“Alright, fine.”

As though he understands, Goose skips away and disappears back into the bushes like he was never even there. Like something I conjured from my imagination. I just scratch my head. 

“There’s hand sanitizer in the glove compartment,” Mom says as I duck inside the vehicle. “Don’t touch anything until you’ve used it.”

“Can’t open the glove compartment if I can’t touch it.”

“Oh, bloody hell,” She snaps it open for me as we pull out of the driveway, and I take one more look back at the house, and the guest room, the white curtains still drawn and still. 

And I keep looking back until it’s all the way out of sight. 

Beginning // Prev // Next

Corresponding LG Chapter

[calliecwrites]

Pretending

Sometimes pretending to be a person is easy. Sometimes it isn’t. On the bad days, numbers start crawling on the page, straight lines curl, and I’ve got to remind myself to keep my face on. I want to stretch my other limbs, but the world down here is so thin, and so easy to tear. I have to be careful not to think too hard about anything, or it might start seeping through. You have no idea how much power you have, someone told me once, being able to create with a thought. And the children of my mind look too much like madness to humans.

Cases of madness worldwide are 1.3% higher on days like that.

But I don’t want to drive them mad. I’m here to protect them, not devour them. Not this time. So I have to pretend. Though with some of them practically throwing themselves at me, that isn’t always easy.

Writers are the worst. I let my ‘pretending to be a person is hard’ line slip into the coffee I’m nursing while my head pounds with the effort of keeping it all together, and her only response is, “Yeah, I know.”

“‘A writer is a world pretending to be a person’,” she quotes at me, and then, “That’s a deliberate misquote of something Victor Hugo said: ‘A writer is a world trapped in a person’. But I like my version better. If my soul wasn’t in a human-shaped body, sometimes I think I’d turn into a galaxy or something. Or maybe more than that. A multiverse.”

Humans are famously good at detecting things that don’t quite look human. I’m not doing a particularly good job of staying out of the uncanny valley today, but she doesn’t seem to have noticed. Or, worse, she’s noticed and likes it. Writers are like that sometimes. But I’ve been deliberately staying out of her mind. I can tell it’s twisty and complex, and I’m afraid the slightest touch from me would tip her over into madness. Or, who knows, maybe she’s right, and it would trigger her transformation into some kind of eldritch goddess that would put even me to shame. I don’t want to think about what that would do to the paper-thin world down here.

I’ve been so focused on my coffee, I’ve accidentally created another one. She hasn’t noticed.

“I do wonder what being a person is actually like, though,” she goes on. “You know, actually fitting in with all the weird rules humans have. Actually feeling at home here. And most of them only get to live one life, not all the fragments of all the lives we get to. Imagine that. They’ll never know what it’s like, being able to create with a thought.”

That last part hits too close to home, and I can’t resist taking just one quick peek into her mind.

“Oh, hello,” she says, and looks me in the eye.

I withdraw. No way she should have been able to feel that. And what I saw there – she’s practically a multiverse already, all jammed up there somehow into that tiny human brain.

“I always wondered if telepathy’s real,” she’s saying, “and now you’ve gone and proven it. Do that again, so I can see how you did it.”

No way, I’m not risking that – but she fumbles around and somehow does it anyway.

“There you are!” she says. I twitch back into my defences – why does this have to be happening on a day like this, when I’m barely holding it together anyway? The writing on the menu twists and curls, and customers start walking in circles. This time she notices.

“Ooh, eldritch abomination, is it?” she says. “Here, let me try.”

She squints, and now she’s holding another coffee, too. She takes a sip. “Mmm, just like in my dreams.”

Then she’s looking at me. Not just at my rapidly-slipping human disguise, but really looking at me, all the parts that no human should ever be able to see. But I don’t think she’s human anymore – I think she’s been right at that boundary for a while.

“You know, you really should pay more attention to that,” she says. “I find pretending is much easier if I do something like this—” and she does something, and my own human form snaps back into clarity. “There you go. Get those few things right and most people won’t even notice.”

Meanwhile, her own form is becoming more solid. That’s the only way I can describe it. Soon she’ll be so solid that her slightest movement will tear right through reality like tissue paper.

“Be careful,” I say, “you’re new to this, and this world is fragile—”

But it’s too late. She twitches in just the wrong way, and something tears.

Now everything is inverting. Everything that was packed up tightly inside her brain is becoming outside. The whole world is reforming around us, into one she considers home. I’m unaffected, but the humans are being completely rewritten.

“Hmm,” she muses, observing all the worlds at once. “Looks like I was right about myself.”

And she sees my dismayed expression. Avoiding something like this is exactly why I was being so careful down here. So much for that.

“Don’t worry,” she says, and gives me a reassuring pat somewhere in the fourth dimension. “There’s more than enough room in me for everyone.”

I really like that quote she uses, and use it myself. This story came from thinking - what if it was literally true, and not just a metaphor?

Tag list (tell me if you want to be added):

@avery-victoria-winterlight @dierotenixe @leahnardo-da-veggie @lunadook @mint-and-authoress

@sandyca5tle @scrubbinn @theriomythic-lesbian @void-botanist @wuwojiti

@zzzestyy

[nelsonandspringforever]

had this made. do i have a problem? yes yes i do

[chrissy-kaos]

…Tired of losing my nightmares are lucid I ain’t won a battle in my head since this war’s fuckin’ begun…..

[floweroflaurelin]

🎶 The Crown…

Pix now wears the Crown… 🎶

—

The moment of recognition when that ancient and powerful thing deep in the catacombs… discovers the Crown.

[an-internet-introvert]

I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow to a dash of

[evansbby]

As if I don’t have enough WIPs, I just thought of another dark story idea during a super hectic day at work 😭😂

I want to write a story about the modelling industry and how dark and scary it can be. So reader would be starting out as a model, and Ari would be either a photographer or her agent or both. And it would be about how innocent she is and how he’d manipulate her and take advantage of her while she continues to fall in love with him because she can’t see how she’s being manipulated and taken advantage of. In my head, I’m picturing this story to be super dark. I always imagine very, very dark stories in my head but I do tone them down when I write them because I don’t want people to be put off but I don’t want to water this down. And I think people would like it. Just a story about a young, innocent girl who gets taken advantage of by the man she relies on to protect her and guide her through the industry. It would be extremely dark and smutty. And I don’t want to give the rest away but what are you guys thoughts on this?

[murdleandmarot]

Sometimes you have to make shitty little OCxCanon comics to keep yourself sane

Sorry @mysticalcats I stole ur oc (foxglove)

[transplanarrpg]

does anyone else get seized by preemptive grief? you haven’t lost your mother yet but sometimes the thought strikes you, in the middle of dishes or playing with the cat or driving and you’re like, holy shit, the immensity of this sadness is too great for my body to handle. i need art to understand this thing that hasn’t happened to me yet but will, shall; is the only thing i can truly count on