#not by my choice tho
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…Tired of losing my nightmares are lucid I ain’t won a battle in my head since this war’s fuckin’ begun…..
#yes I’m still here unfortunately#not by my choice tho#against my will#i’m losing my mind#I still don’t understand#broken heart#trans#transgender#trans pride#transisbeautiful#mtf#transgirl#girlslikeus#mtf hrt#maletofemale#transformation#he told me to un-alive myself#you can’t tell a suicidal individual that#and he already knew I am#anyway I’m under observation#like I fucking want to be watched 🙄#trans woman#trans women#sad girl#i'm sad#sadness#transexual#this is what trans looks like#trans experience#trans positivity
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• The Hanged Man •
“Compared to what Falin went through? This is nothing.”
#my art#laios touden#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi laios#hanged man#falin touden#dungeon meshi spoilers#cw blood#walk it off kid walk it off#I really thought hanged man was a good choice for this moment#hanged man is all about sacrifice and introspection and intuition#and a moment of trials that lead to clarity#also when he was falling??? with the blood out of the dragons mouth???#stunning#i love him so much#the line art for this was so fast and then I colored and revolted the flats for like. 20 hours#like how it turned out in the end tho#kavaleyre
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new official illust of them with puppies healed something in me
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#nobara kugisaki#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#file name pupys btw bc they r all. pupys#6 pupys in this image#cries eternally u kno the cruel thing is there is no winning fr me when it comes 2 creating art fr this series#i draw them in canon situations i experience pain i draw them in noncanon Relaxed situations i experience pain#illusion of choice.....#regardless i care them so much i would MUCH rather them b in a sunny field with dogs#i will endure the bittersweet feeling of being an audience member n knowing that their reality is nowhere this tranquil#i can dream :'< i can draw :'<#anyway this took a billion years bc i made megumi stand smh#he didnt fight or anything but th overall Composition ws a bit harder 2 navigate because of it#smth smth sizing smth smth planes idk i cant draw#i think it makes sense tho! nobara/yuuji sitting chilling casually rolling a tennis ball fr their puppies#meanwhile megumi Actively trying 2 train his#head in hands god im MISERABLE#anyway this will b available as a print per request if any1 wants 2 b miserable with me
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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are. are you telling me that if the romanced mage warden dies and alistair is king, he deadass stares greagoir down over her dead body and grants the circle of ferelden its autonomy after ordering it rebuilt somewhere safer. first you have to deliberately leave him behind so he won't die for you and then he does that for you once you're gone, even when you're broken up??? absolute and literal king behaviour of the highest order????? the actions speak louder than words of it all??????? I think I hauve covid
#that's the hottest thing I've ever heard I feel nuts#what an absolute chad alistair continues to be tbh there may be a day when men fail but it will not be when he's here#like I'm very sorry to the blond chantry boy repeat crowd but cullen could & would NEVER!!! they are NOT the same!!!!#dragon age#dragon age origins#alistair theirin#alistair x warden#can u imagine what it must be like to be irving standing there watching this happen. you're free and your kid is dead. congrats#tried to free her from the circle and she's the sacrificial lamb that bought the circle's freedom instead. fuck dude#it does make for a very sad kind of symmetry that every time irving tries to get clever with it he triggers a monkey's paw situation fhdskj#I am replaying the game with my new canon (mistress amell + king alistair to save him from the da:i fade choice lol)#and in doing research I found out about this and had my world rocked. I've never had my warden die before so this is new to me#(my warden isn't dying in this canon to be clear she's going to be the reason no one would dare assassinate king alistair lol#nightmare bae eminance gris behind the throne/loving and supportive partner with a fade connection and a vengeful side#she's going to be like sam vimes tiredly fending off assassins as the watch books go on except she murders a lot more people back)#the way his voice breaks in the version where they were broken up tho... sick and twisted and mean to me specifically
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Day 1 and Day 2 of RadioStatic Week
First Meeting and Sharing a meal! I like the idea that Alastor is the one who approached Vox first because of how unique he looks eheh
#hazbin hotel#radiostatic#hazbin vox#hazbin alastor#radiostatic week#radiostaticweek#radiostatic week 2024#my art#clip studio paint#csp#digital art#hazbin hotel fanart#mostly using this challenge to test out workflows and tools on csp#I tried a different style with more textures! csp has so many more interesting brushes than autodesk sketchbook#I just had to have a little fun with it#that one post that said Vox was probably the first TV that Alastor ever saw was what inspired the first drawing#all the drawings of radiostatic week will be linked together you'll see with how the colors and shape evolve over time!#I'm really proud of this series of drawing I really tried to put some emotional intentions in the color and shape choices#tho I'll be exausted by the end of the week lolol
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#What an update huh?#This is for all you Shane lovers out there#He ain't my choice of man but he's pretty damn great#stardew valley#stardew valley 1.6#stardew valley 1.6 spoilers#stardew valley spoilers#SDV Shane#Stardew Valley Shane#SDV Shane winter outfit#not my meme tho lmao#sdv#give chicken man a reason to smile y'all
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new system just dropped
#total drama#total drama explosivo#total drama escope#total drama izzy#total drama brainzilla#total drama island#total drama action#total drama world tour#this was my first time drawing them#so if they become more frequent characters i draw they will most definitely change#im already regretting a few colour palette choices#so those will deffo change… at some point#ive had this idea for a couple years now#was too focused on mike&co to actually draw it tho#i remember reading a fic that had izzy be part of a system and i thought that was a really interesting concept#shoutout to that fic that i can’t remember the name of#at some point this sys will fall victim of my ocification
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Oh! So he does miss his shixiong after all!
“I still want to return this to you…”
Blu’s shitpost again bc I am very tired from studying and lqg has been infecting my brain a lot recently 😔
Just a small doodle dump of lqg and sqq that I do not know how it turned angsty lol
#svsss#mxtx svsss#svsss fanart#scum villian self saving system#scumbag system#shen qingqiu#shen jiu#liu qingge#liushen#柳清歌#瀋清秋#人渣反派自救系统#blu shit post#this was supposed to be wen kexing#but idk why I changed my mind halfway through#i think i made the right choice tho#i mean#just look at them#babies fr
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It’s Trudy and Trudy!
#my art#dndads#Trudy trout#trying to use my sketchbook more often coz it’s FUN!!!! and SATISFYNG!!! and helps me FOCUS#anatomy wonky tho ignore that. I was too locked in on the brain#if the brain looks too big nobody say anything. it was a stylistic choice called I was in class and didn't care
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Had to submit a digital drawing for my illustration class, so I drew SaiTeru!
#saiki k#saiteru#saiki kusuo#teruhashi kokomi#saiki kusuo no psi nan#terusai#saiki kusuo no ψ nan#i tried drawing my ocs and other things but ahh....none of them worked out so i js drew my comfort ship since. its basically a reflex#and it was about to be due so#had no choice lol#i had fun tho!!! tho damn i rlly should finish all my AU art#i'll post those whenever those r done
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Sketching tonight. He’s really taking over my brain.
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#DAtV#emmrich volkarin#my art#what is style consistency#I don’t know it#scribbly things cos I haven’t the energy#but needed to get him out of my system for the night#I already want to make a charm of him to hang on my bag#angry emmrich at rook making terrible choices#I’m ready and so not ready#let us play with CC first tho
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Our favorite British bastard in situations!
Companion piece to the Stanley drawings!
Closeups!
And an extra older sketch featuring a centaur narrator based on @cosmokrill’s drawings of the narrator as a centaur which tells you I made these drawings after little after June 22! Go look at their art it’s so huggable looking!
#tsp#the stanley parable#tspud#tsp narrator#tsp stanley#art#digital art#procreate#fanart#sketch#my art#round and expressive!!#expressions#he would be so expressive if he were human#silly man#doomed by the narrative#companion piece#I needed him to suffer#I also needed him to be ok#he did not sign up for any of this#allusions to different parts and endings of the parable#I will draw him interacting with the bucket don’t worry#it just might be a bit tho b/c finals#centaur#drawing a horse body from memory is certainly a choice to make#big stretch#projecting back problems due to poor posture onto Stanley
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Toot rat, based on the popular American candy, tootsie rolls :)
#I bought tootsie rolls to use as photo props for the stickers of these guys#I ended up eating way too many and regretting my choices#it was worth it tho
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A little sketch of my Dark Urge druid Hemlock 🥺✨
He’s awful but i think he’s pretty
#baldur's gate 3#dark urge#bg3#he’s been making some choices#tho im glad to know im not alone in my naughtyness when i get those lil#astarion approves pop ups#knows that im on the right evil track
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What about me? Here we go again. You are so annoying. Could you please just get over it? It was only a one-night thing.
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 10 / Ep. 09
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#uservid#userspring#pdribs#userrain#userjjessi#userspicy#*cajedit#*gif#if you listen to one song on repeat for several hours it will make you want to gif things you never thought to gif before#even tho its a really obvious thing to gif.#SO BACK AT IT AGAIN AT MY FAVE SCENE ep 10 bar scene my beloved#'i love this part' by the wrecks has done a REAL NUMBER ON ME TONIGHT FAM#everyone should listen to that song rn#chen yi's guilt over those four years vs ai di choosing to do all of that. not seeing any other choice bc he loves him.#clinging to chen yi one more time before trying to let him go.#ai di still unable to let chen yi go!!! believing chen yi does and should hate him!!#but chen yi faces him asking him for the truth! knowing ai di loves him
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