#that’s not true but I literally feel like I have no options
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I’m really lonely
#I can feel myself teetering on minor minor minor depression#don’t want to tell my parents bc it’ll be 0-100#last time I was feeling a teeny bit depressed I wanted to die so I get it#but that’s impossible I’ll never get there again#but I’m just really lonely#I’m on the board of my lgbt club and signed up for a history club which might help#but it’s too late to make friends#that’s not true but I literally feel like I have no options#I can’t just go up to someone and say hi or ask a question#that’s literally#I couldn’t do it with a gun to my head#it is the most foreign awkward concept#I’m trying to distract myself and it works a lot#I truly do love history and I spend most of my time learning#but when there’s any silence for longer than five mins#I just realize how alone I am#and i can’t do anything about it#I just have to hope someone will approach me#I’m not being dramatic when I say I can’t just go up to people and say hi#even if I did do that I would be so nervous and awkward I wouldn’t be able to hold a conversation#I always need something on in the background or else I fall into this#I don’t feel good physically my relationship with food is shit and I just feel alone#I also fear my only validation is going to come from academics and I’m going to push myself too hard this semester#I know I limit myself by this kind of thinking but it’s just being realistic#I might graduate with a degree but no social skills#and I’m so scared the depression will get worse without falling into suicidal thoughts#I love my college so much and the people around me are all like me that’s not the problem#it’s purely my fault#rae’s rambles#delete later
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i think a lot of the soulless clover revival fics that make them start to kill in the very first reset does not give clover (or flowey) nearly enough credit
#there's one fic I read that had a good justification for it but the rest..... hm#clover is not going to start killing people just because they can't feel emotions as strongly as they used to now#especially if this is post true pacifist clover we are talking about#it took flowey exhausting literally every other option just for him to even start to consider the thought of killing#and even then he didn't like the idea of it. the entire buildup to it he was saying I don't like this and trying to justify it to himself#for someone like clover who so strongly believes in the good of monsterkind I think it would take them at least as long as flowey to break#if not longer#and who's to say that they would even start killing in the first place#flowey started killing because everyone around him was predictable and did the exact same things every time to the point of boredom#but clover has flowey. friendly or not friendly flowey still remembers resets and wouldn't do the exact same thing every reset#flowey's very existence would prevent clover from reaching the same level of boredom that flowey did because there's always something new#at the end of the day clover and flowey are different people that will react to the same situation differently#to make it work you can't just retread flowey's experience. you have to consider how clover would react and change the situation accordingl#that's what I think anyways. cool concept but execution falls short more often than not imo.#my ramblings
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“Look who finally showed up.” Ladybug’s voice was the quiet kind of rage, an animal she was just barely keeping penned up. “I was starting to wonder.” She looked at him like he was a dead thing.
good morning and happy call it even chapter 6 day to me and @sha-nwa and all those who celebrate<3
#listen the chapter title selection on this one was a doozy. let me tell you.#so many good options#stiffest competition was between this one and 'a simple complication' from the story of us#but ten thousand bad moments from vicious won out.#both just sort of making fun of how terrible adrien's life is#but! well!#adrien sort of does have a terrible life. I feel that writing him this way is true to his character#anyway#HAPPY CHAPTER SIX DAY#im posting this so early bc otherwise it would be at literally like 5pm and I dont have the patience for that#ml#call it even#miraculous ladybug#mlb#ml fic#ml fic rec#adrien agreste#marinette dupain cheng#adrinette#ladynoir
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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Google how to make peace with the fact that you will always be vaguely to extremely uncomfortable (depending on the day) with your body and how others perceive it until the day you die and nothing you do will ever change that
#I almost wish I was much more masc leaning than I am#so the answer would just simply be ‘go on t’#I keep seeing so many posts that are like hrt is good! this is your sign to go on hrt if you’ve ever wanted to!#GOD I wish I were that simple#(those aren’t bad posts that’s not the point they’re just not applicable to me and seeing the sentiment makes me sad and a bit frustrated)#(cuz for me it’s not that easy)#like are there some things T would do to my body that I would like?#yes absolutely. I would LOVE a deeper voice and fat redistribution#but like. that’s it#I would not want it to do anything else#in fact that idea of anything else and potentially ‘passing’ as a man makes me VISCERALLY uncomfortable#I do not want to be a man and I do not want ppl to perceive me as a man#but the same is true for being a woman#I do not like a lot of feminine traits but I do not want to strictly trade them for masculine ones#UNFORTINATELY you cannot pick and choose the affects of hrt#there is no way to ‘look androgynous’ (which is what I want)#(yes ik you can use shapewear and makeup and contour and that can do SOME)#(but it’s A LOT of work and effort I don’t have time or energy to do every day)#(and there’s still some things about my body I wouldn’t be able to alter doing stuff like that)#and it’s like sure I could go on T. but I’d still have this problem just the opposite direction#and it. sucks#it sucks so hard knowing there’s literally no conceivable way I will ever just have a body#that correlates to how I feel gender wise and will get people to ‘gender me correctly’#just based on how I look#and it’s something I’ve been thinking about recently a lot and it’s making me FHDJDKKSSKKSKS in a bad way#I know it’s cuz it’s pride month and I follow A LOT of trans ppl#who are posting trans pride and hrt and surgery info and stuff#(and obviously these are all very good things as I said)#it’s just. because of my particular situation they make me feel… bad#because I won’t ever have an option to be comfortable and happy with how I look lol
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okay guys ive been living back at home long enough i fear i need to just move out on my own and be an adult lol
#Idk why i never considered this as an option I’m like ew i don’t want roommates but i can quite literally just be independent#I’d have to work more or get another job but i think it would be worth it it actually sounds excitinggg#We’ll see how the next few weeks go/what happens with grad school#I just feel like a bum who has nothing to show for herself and i know that’s not true lmfao but i neeeed independence#Me
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I'm stuck in some kind of purgatory where my mother keeps asking me over and over to explain depression to her (my behavior when I'm showing symptoms of it) but every time I try to tell her about depression as a concept she says it's not real. and then we do it again. and again
#like I cant explain my behaviour any other way.#why did I spend several months sleeping most of the time and staring at the wall doing nothing?#depression!#but depression doesn't exist#so what can I say to her.#well I guess that I'm lazy and I want to feel special that's why I cultivate this mental state#and if I just decided what I don't want to be lazy and stop trying to feel special in this way–then it'll just stop#well that's not true and I won't say that and I think that this won't satisfy even her#like she knows that this behavior is 'abnormal' and beyond laziness or teenage (or more like young-adult) angst#but she won't accept the only real explanation#this is driving me insane it feels like some kind of mental torture#fuck. I'm so sorry but I remembered that tng ep where picard is tortured by cardassians#and they're trying to make him believe there's two lights when there's only one or whatever#sorry.#but that's literally what it feels like#to pass this test I have to believe in something that's not true#the truth doesn't work and if I just lie it won't be good enough#I have to convince myself of some third option (that I cant even think of) believe in it and then present it to my mother#vent
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poäng appreciation post 💛
#i forget if i said but Baby Sister and i stopped off at ikea on the way back from picking her up at the bus stop on monday#and finally replaced the ruined-by-a-succession-of-cats-(in-ways-both-unsightly-and-gross) Accent Chair in the living room#with a poäng rocker (bc the shape is a little more interesting and less instantly recognizable than the regular chair) in birch (my beloved#also they make fancy tufted cushions for it now! wish they came in more colors but it's a real improvement on sad options past#and anyway it's like. now you can actually sit here in the morning and look out the window at the extremely beautiful view#and the chair actually supports you??? like i could see down the road trying to work out some kind of custom cushioning that's thicker#but the shape of the frame is so ergonomic for me that it's genuinely quite comfortable regardless. bentwood exocorset…#anyway. not a very original post but i just DO really love ikea#like yes it's a mixed bag but also honestly if you're buying particle board—#(i was going to say 'and expecting it to hold up' but. honestly i think it's just. if you're buying particle board period)#—that might be on you.#(like. if you're being pressed in from all sides by budget constraints and immediate need and no accessible better-made used alternatives—#obviously you do what you have to. but it's like buying pleather—you know‚ or should‚ that the material is going to disintegrate.)#but the things ikea makes with decent materials are remarkably well-designed and affordable for what they are‚ has been my sense?#you just gotta shop carefully but like. that's true literally everywhere.#anyway. in conclusion i love my new buddy with its clean lines. …do people name chairs ever.#i've never before had the urge but this one feels like a little assembly-line friend that deserves its own identity. like a star wars clone#(lol what if i gave it a little nametag somewhere hidden. secret identity talisman 4 chairpal.)#(& yes i promise i'm as aware of the‚ uh‚ itself-ness of this tag spiral as you are. :) )#domesticities
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god i love being a musician
#it's funny to me how i'm literally Anxiety McGee but in auditions i'm like audition? no problem 👌🏼#I LOVE BEING A MUSICIAN BRO ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#it's fun. it's cathartic. sometimes it's very frustrating.#you'll have periods of time where you're like 'aw hell yeah i'm improving so much i'm so good >:D'#and there will be other points where you'll feel like shit and all you can do is push through#well not push through but you have to remind yourself why you do what you do#and you have to remind yourself that when you're being challenged you have two options: complain and quit or you can work hard at it#and go through it and come out an even better musician on the other side when you've passed#it's crazy how much i've changed as a musician and as a person in the past ten months. it's really crazy#LIKE THATS THE POWER OF MUSIC BABY!#i am lucky to have very supportive people in my everyday and musical life. and it's a good thing that from what i can tell#the music world is becoming kinder too#we're more aware of problems and pain and being like 'hey this isn't right'#i'm not sure if this is viola-specific but at least in the viola world there seems to be a lot more people with a focus on the body#and how to play without hurting yourself#which you'd think would be a given but nope! a lot of people are like This Is The Best Wy To Play#and that's not true for everyone#some people have big hands someone people have small hands some people are short some people have long-ass necks#everyone has to be comfortable when they play because that's when they'll play their best#ANYWAYS#i fucking love being a musician this is brought to you by yesterday i was practicing how to perform which is so cool and fun :)
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i should lose more weight
#i have literally no idea what i look like and if i gained or not#and eating doesn’t really make me feel good just guilty and anxious#but i don’t have the energy to really starve myself anymore even though ik i should#like i realize tge scale went slightly up bc i actually have food going through my intestines plus water weight plus literal shit#and that i look the same way i did last month like all my clothes fit the same and i can find all my body check markers bla bla bla#but i hate the way i look still my chest is huge and broad and my arms are abnormally big and my stomach never shrunk tge way i wanted it to#and all i do all day is think abt food and what i look like and rub the places bones stick out bc i’m terrified ill suddenly lose them#under fat again#and my mom says i’m skinny but ik im not like best case scenario somebody might say i’m slim but that wouldn’t really be true either#i just look stubby bc i’m short and wide and i’ll only look like a person if i’m a few kg lighter i think#and i was doing ok today but i for whatever reason had a protein bar just now?????????? and i tried to puke it back up but ofc my body does#not do that no matter how hard i try#and i don’t think i went over my bmr at least not much but that’s still so disgusting to me#esp since i promised myself i wouldn’t eat past 8pm#whatever. killing myself this year i’m afraid#i actually found a good spot that will 100% kill me tge issue is it’s kind of far from my house by foot#and i usually attempt in the spur of the moment bc i can’t really think abt what i’m doing#but it’s good to know the option is there tbh#anyway. maybe i could plan this better i think 3kg will do it i could just stretch it out in time#even tho if i really commit i could maybe do it in a month#but i think that would break me mentally#📓#u hate food sm it’s unreal whyyyyyy couldn’t i have been thin naturally wtffffff
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i will never shut up about how much i hate the college system in the us and the way it’s all about money because i genuinely love learning and i miss being in school so fucking bad but i simply cannot afford the education i want
#also i was always told that there’s no real difference between the education you get at community college vs a university and like…#to an extent i support that like of course there should be no shame in attending community college and i’m grateful that it’s an option#and it depends on the school and the person but in my experience with the schools accessible to me that is just not true#i’ve attended a university as well as three different community colleges and while the university as a whole was just not for me#there was a HUGE difference in quality compared to all of the community colleges in terms of academics alone#i was miserable most of the time at university bc i found it really hard to make friends there and didn’t like living in that town etc#but i did enjoy a lot of my classes and even the ones i didn’t love or find super engaging did have a lot of value for me#whereas every single community college class i’ve taken felt like a complete waste of time and money bc i genuinely got nothing out of them#all of the content felt watered down and literally all of the material was stuff i had already learned in high school or even middle school#and i understand that not everyone learned the same things in k-12 or even got to attend k-12 so those classes can be valuable for others#but my issue is with the classes that are presented as equivalent to specific university classes (same course name and credits etc)#and then the material/coursework is objectively not on the same level at all#it’s especially frustrating bc i had a full merit scholarship at the university i attended so all of those good classes i took were free#and then at community college i paid tuition to learn absolutely nothing#i left that university bc being there was actively harming my mental health and i still think that was valid for me to do#but at the same time i regret it bc i’ve realized i simply cannot get that level of education at a community college#and i can’t afford any other universities (or even to go back to the same one bc that scholarship is only available for hs applicants)#once again i understand everyone comes from different backgrounds and college is a unique experience for everyone whether university or cc#but for me personally university classes were the only ones that i actually got value / learned anything from#and it’s extremely disheartening to actively want to learn and feel like you have no way to do so bc it’s exorbitantly expensive#i also need to acknowledge that i am white and i come from a middle class family and that privilege applies to education as a whole#there are much much worse positions i could be in and i recognize that#this is just a vent post bc as much as i have to be grateful for this situation still fucking sucks#that’s all bye#vent#lj.txt
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Vent
Tw su!c!de, sh
#......DEPRESSION :)#finally went out and the place we went to sucked ass and i just....ugh.#..the little things are getting to me :(#saw a puppy that was cute#......wish i had a clean house so i could get a pet#just a lil guy who i was the whole world to#i love Zephie but hes literally my 13yr brother the dynamic isnt the same i want a pet who loves me whole heartedly like Excalibur did :(#i have to suffer in silence cus my dad gets mad#and i feel bad not talking about my sister but shes nowhere close to an option to talk to#she doesnt get alot about me......shes my best friend but i have a Sister Mask#i wanna talk to someone i can unmask with#and everyone says “oh you can unmask with me!!!” until that isnt true anymore#its not a call out to anyone its just pattern in my life#tired sad wanna cut wanna smoke my brains out wanna die wanna scream wanna cry#but ill just retreat into myself as usual cus my dad is the only one around and hes changed#.....he also lowkey told me to not tell him as much as i do (i only open up when he says to) so im kinda trying not to freak :')#im just feeling alotta shame and hate
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Americans, these are things we are NOT saying in 2024:
"Voting blue won't solve anything." Yes it will: if enough of us do it, it will solve a problem called Trump's second term in the White House. We unfortunately live in a two-party system. If you refuse to vote, you're effectively voting for Trump. I shouldn't need to explain this to people, yet here we are.
"It doesn't matter who's president. Both candidates are the same anyway." No, they are REALLY not. Biden was never my first choice, and his shipments of arms to Israel are despicable, but don't try to tell me even for a second that a second Trump term would be the same for the world as a second Biden term.
"But voting blue won't fix [fundamental underlying problem in America]." Voting for Democrats cannot fix every issue, this is true. But by saying this and ONLY this you are discouraging people from voting by making them feel hopeless. Voting is one of many tools in our arsenal, not the only tool, but an important one, and it does matter.
"You shouldn't vote blue, you should do [other thing] instead." See above: you can vote and protest and organize at the same time. It's not either/or. You can do it all. Stop discouraging voters from exercising their rights under the guise of leftism.
"Voting is just legitimizing government power. It makes you part of the system." Literally just shut up. Women and people of color didn't fight for their voting rights to have you say things like this. If you live in America and you can legally vote, then you should fucking vote, and vote blue. There is no neutral option.
"Voting blue just makes you complicit in [this bad policy]." Inaction, and allowing Trump to have a second term, is worse for the entire world than any Democrat policy. Yes, even that one. Voting is not about finding a perfect unproblematic candidate. It is about choosing the lesser of two evils.
"Voting doesn't work because—" STOP IT. STOP DISCOURAGING PEOPLE FROM VOTING.
You know who wants you NOT to vote? Trump supporters, that's who. You should be suspicious of ANYONE who is suggesting that your vote doesn't matter, or that both candidates are the same, or that Biden's policy on XYZ means you shouldn't vote for him. Trump supporters aren't trying to get your vote by saying, "Vote for Trump!" They're trying to get your vote by DISCOURAGING YOU FROM VOTING AT ALL.
I don't like Biden either, but Trump is unequivocally worse. Voting doesn't fix everything, but it is the minimum fucking requirement of living in a democracy. Voting for president has real, tangible, immediate impacts on people's lives, and choosing not to vote is not the rebellion you think it is, it is just relinquishing your voice. So fucking vote. THIS IS A GROUP PROJECT AND DAMN IT WE ARE NOT FAILING BECAUSE OF YOU.
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@soumies
Megumi for knife to the throat but the blade can't seem to cut this weird sexual tension we've got going on
you're the only one that's holding me down, megumi fushiguro ;
pairing megumi fushiguro x f!reader word count 1.3k synopsis pressing a blade to your ex-fiance's throat, and other loving, tender moments content contains exes still in love, slight angst
Staring directly into someone’s face is such an intimate act.
You don’t realize this fact until you’re straddling Megumi’s annoyingly slim waist, the glint of your blade against his throat causing the sunlight to beam right into your eye.
Everyone claims that Megumi Fushiguro is the ultimate pretty boy. Mai claims that his bone structure is undefeated and that any sane girl would commit atrocious crimes against humanity to get lashes as nice as his natural ones. Momo says that she’s never seen a shade of blue eyes as pretty as Megumi’s (her only frame of reference, by the way, happen to be her own bug-eyes and Satoru Gojo’s, whose eyes are so freakishly, eerily icy blue that you’re thankful he wears the blindfold twenty-four/seven). Even Miwa, who is too busy trying to earn a living, can take the time to admit that Megumi Fushiguro is the exact type of person the ancient Greeks model gods after.
You want to blame their admiration of Megumi on the fact that thanks to their attendance at the Kyoto school, interactions with cute boys were few and far between. Todo’s fine, if you’re into loudmouths who could also pose as the poster boy for steroids — or, even better, those clickbait ads on shady websites that tell you if you take this magical pill, in three days, you can be as shredded as him! Noritoshi is so stiff and aloof that no one can view him as hot. Mechamaru is a fucking robot.
So, the bar for the Kyoto girls’ rating of attractiveness is damn near hell. You examine Megumi’s face and eagerly search for a flaw to hold against him. There’s a faint, barely noticeable scar above his lips. It blends into his skin seamlessly, and you think your eyes could be tricking you. However, you latch onto this scar. Megumi Fushiguro is not the perfect specimen, you think smugly.
“Let me go,” he snaps. “If anyone’s acting under the effects of the curse, it’s you.”
“You’re not exactly in the position to be ordering me around,” you point out. You have one hand pressed against his chest to steady yourself, the other gripping the knife.
“Clearly you still consider me a threat.” His eyes flicker downwards, even though he can’t possibly see his hands. They’re bound behind his back, his cursed energy sealed from the specialized handcuffs you managed to lock on him. The last thing you needed was for him to sic his wild animals on you.
“Maybe I just like this position.”
A momentary truce forms when you don’t tease him for his cheeks turning pink, and he pretends not to notice that when you realize your accidental underlying innuendo, your grip on the dagger loosens considerably.
Megumi is fully aware that your bark and your bite are on the same level of batshit insane. He figures this is just how all women sorcerers have to be in order to survive this environment. If you say you’re going to slit his throat at the first sign of him being compromised by a curse, he can trust that you would keep your word.
You didn’t threaten him, though. Instead, when the curse nearly got a good touch on him, you had screamed out his name. You let the curse get away in favor of tackling him to the ground, and the frenzied look on your face as you searched him for any sign of possession makes his insides twist and heat rise to his cheeks and paint the tips of his ears a flushed pink.
For a second, it still felt like you cared about him.
Then, you slapped those restrictive cuffs on him and got on top, as a means to restrain him. He had frozen up when he realized how close your bodies are, how he can feel the warmth from you traveling and enveloping his own body.
This is bad, Megumi realizes. Not because the curse got to him — it didn’t. It’s bad that his heart still goes pitter-patter every time you’re near, and that he’s hyper aware of the way your body fits nicely and neatly against his own. He knows that it’s wrong to be feeling this way, to want to savor every last scrap of you that he can get. The jujutsu world is small. Nearly everyone knows about the broken engagement between you two. Having the both of you paired up for a mission, especially since your territories are so far from each other, is a sick and twisted joke.
The curse thrives on couples, intertwining itself with its victim and twisting their host’s love into hatred. There’s been a recurring theme of lovers murdering their significant others. The more love in their heart, the stronger the curse’s manipulation.
It just goes to show that too much love is a fucking burden, a curse in and of itself. You know that it is, because if it came down to it, if Megumi were truly compromised and wanted to kill you, you wouldn’t have it in you to kill him first.
“I told you, I haven’t been hit by the curse.”
“How can I know that this isn't just a trick? You’ve always been good at self-restraint and hiding yourself from me.” The comment is petty, all things considered. In the end, when Megumi asked you if breaking off the engagement was what you truly wanted, you remained expressionless and impassive. We can’t ever go back to the way things were. There’s no point in not breaking it off.
He scoffs. “Don’t you think I’d kill myself the minute I felt something in me shift?”
You know Megumi. He doesn’t say things just to say them. He means it, every word, and you don’t know why, but it makes the part of you that longs for him — the part of you that is always in a constant state of wanting him, needing him — intensify. Multiply. Takes over your whole entire system until you are reduced to a being whose hunger can only be satiated by Megumi.
“Idiot. You always go to the extremes.” You opt for saying this, instead of commenting on the fact that Megumi is very much implying that he would rather end his own life rather than take yours.
“Do you really think I’d ever want to hurt you?” And suddenly, you realize that the two of you are no longer discussing the current matter at hand. Like with all things that involve the both of you, the root of the problem always leads back to your engagement. He was meant to be the one you married, and then he refused the Zenin name, refused most of the traditional jujutsu society, and when it came down to his freedom or you, he—
—gave you the option to choose.
Him or comfort. Him or safety. Him or family.
You didn’t realize it at the time, but all choices lead to him. He is the one you are most comfortable with, he is the one who would die to keep you safe, he is the one who you could see yourself creating a happy family with. As happy as a family can be in this fucked up society.
He hurt you, but it was you who handed him the blade. You, who took his wrist and guided it straight to your heart. Just looking at him right now reopens that old wound.
“The curse can only change you if there’s love to destroy.” You point out.
“I know.” He says. “Lucky that it didn’t get to me. It would have ended badly for the both of us.”
#PULLING AT MY HAIR THIS WAS SO GOOD oh my god. SCRUMPTIOUS. DELICIOUS. JUST. OH MY GOD.#pls read this#jjk#megumi#all the claims of him being a pretty boy are so absolutely true#'any sane girl would commit atrocious crimes against humanity to get lashes as nice as his natural ones' <- SO REAL#and gojo having freaky eyes omg i agree asfbasfbasjhf#i loooove all the descriptions of all the other students pls fbas todo as the posterboy for steroids like CMON HGFVGHAS and the clickbait a#mechamaru is a fucking robot 😭😭😭 PLEASE#i am also SUCH a sucker for sparring/fighting positions omfg#i think the tension is at an ALL TIME HIGH and extremely AMPLIFIED lol#and when his cheeks turn pink!! and ur grip loosens!! ooUUUGH i am SUCH a sucker for subtle actions like that#It’s bad that his heart still goes pitter-patter every time you’re near#and that he’s hyper aware of the way your body fits nicely and neatly against his own.#<- SO JUICY I AM SOOOOO in love with an exes to lover trope and w megs too?? sign me UP#adn this line omg: if Megumi were truly compromised and wanted to kill you you wouldn’t have it in you to kill him first.#ABSOLUTELY GUTTED ME SADFBA they're still so in love with eachother i feel SIKDSCNHDFSG#and i CANNOTTT BELIEVE HE SAID THIS: “Don’t you think I’d kill myself the minute I felt something in me shift?”#OH MY GOD the read on megumi is SO GOOD: He doesn’t say things just to say them. <- SO TRUE SO REAL#HE IS SOOOOO: “Do you really think I’d ever want to hurt you?” <- how can he just say that oh my god#him giving you the option to choose literally put HIS freedom into your hands oh my god i am aaching i cant believe this#megumi is such a dEVOTED boy i think#all choices lead to him. & “Lucky that it didn’t get to me. It would have ended badly for the both of us.” <- mY GOD#SO MANY BANGER LINES#im obsessed with this#it's one scene but theres so much context interwoven in everything!!! i could bite into the angst of it omfg#and the witty writing style!!! UGH im obsessed#loved this!!!!!
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Sigh sorry for the ranting I rly did want to be positive abt this update but unfortunately there's just too much negatives and too little stand out positives
#rat rambles#this is a game Im deeply passionate abt so seeing some of my favorite things get gutted in such a borderline lazy way sucks man#like I dont want to call the devs lazy because theyre not but I feel like most of the balance changes theyve made have been. not great.#and its making me so genuinely sad that they just keep gutting things instead of actually reworking them#balance changes should give you more options not less#and continuous nerfing only makes the game feel worse to play#especially given that one of the biggest appeals to this game is making the player feel more and more like a true god as they progress#I dont mind nerfs I just mind nerfs that create more problems than they solve#like it all comes back to the fucking dice to me because theyre nowhere near the only example of items that make you immortal#nor were they even That bad for the game literally all they needed to do was rework it a lil#like idk maybe add a third option that does nothing to each dice and give it a slower charge time#that alone would make it still good but not as game breaking#they could even adjust it so they only give half of their respective hearts instead of a full one that alone would half their effectiveness#you could even weigh the rng so it preffers the non heart option theres SO much shit they could have done to better balance them#but nope! fragile relic time! now each of them are a one time use item that Maybe will give you a heart!#when your relic has the same or worse effect as some of the tarot cards you know youve fucked smth up#like at least the other relics with arguable card counterparts have the benifit of being less shit#like the tenticle isnt good but at least you dont have to take damage for it#and the bombs are borderline worthless but at least you dont have to be on half a heart#but these have a Chance of giving you a heart and then theyre Gone and you might as well just grab a tarot card#or better yet! grab a different health based relic! and these ones do consistent damage too!#its just so mind numbingly lazy and does nothing but add another relic to the pool of relics you never want to see
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astarion still hasnt bitten me girl what am i supposed to doooooo
#playing bg3#aaargggg i should take more long rests bc i feel like the events at the camp are building up#faster than i take long rests lmao#argh i should also return to the goblin camp i have one leader left to kill#and yeah now everyone attacks me even tho im a drow lmao </3#no more privileges...#i still have a lot of places to explore too#this game feels so BIG and i mean it's so big it's true but#it's just. !!!!!!!!#how am i supposed to do everything#so replayable im already thinking about possible different scenarios i can try#also i feel like i will switch companions around a little bit#i looooove my party#but im getting curious about other's stories too lol#i also wonder if i could solve the goblin camp problem without this much combat#bc im a drow and they just let me do stuff lol#but the quest is literally to Kill the leaders#and i dont wanna go full evil teaming up with them sjdjjd#and i had no option to deceive them or something?? at least i didnt see it or get it??#i wonder if it was a possibility idk#i am still just a little baby about this game/universe lmao so idk anything really#just you wait a few months for my 2nd playthrough i will be so much more knowledgeable 😼
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