#just a lil guy who i was the whole world to
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jujus-bizarre-blog ¡ 2 days ago
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SOC and CK allegories for the queer characters (and other thoughts)
I was going to make a separate blog to yell about books but I decided to do it here.
I AM NOT DONE CROOKED KINGDOM AT THE TIME OF WRITING THIS SO EVERYTHING I SAY IS HAVING ONLY READ HALF THE BOOK SO FAR.
The Grishaverse doesn't seem to have any form of homophobia, but SOC and CK are chalk fulllllllll of what I can only see as plots that mimic queer experiences for the queer characters in the main group.
We have four queer characters (that I know of at the moment): Jesper, Wylan, Nina, Kuwei.
So let's start with the obvious, three of the four are Grisha. Obviously not all Grisha are queer, but all the Grisha in the party are. This gives them an automatic plotline of "hide who you are".
It could be said that since Nina is Ravkan she wasn't raised that way, and no, she wasn't. However since leaving Ravka she has been forced to hide for her safety, and not only that but she is frequently told she's "too much" which sounds a lot to me like what some people say about queer people when they think queer people should be less queer. Also Matthias is all about being "traditional" and "proper" and Nina's whole thing is that she is neither. Traditional and proper sound a lottttt like some people's arguments to be homophobic.
Jesper's I think is rather obvious. His father has a clear concern for his son being Grisha since it can put your life at risk. In Jesper's argument with his dad he goes off and asks his dad why did he never let him go to Ravka where he could be himself and learn about himself and his powers. Oh not to mention the fact that him and his dad talk around him being Grisha like it's some sort of virus that can be caught by simply speaking the word.
Kuwei's took a second to hit me but when it did I was like "ah yep, makes sense" and this is probably because it took me a hot second to realize Kuwei was queer. Yeah, apparently him being jealous that Jesper only looked at Wylan a certain way didn't tip me off... ANYWAY THOUGH. Kuwei is also told to hide who he is, but his dad goes the extra length of literally making a drug to help him hide himself. Is it giving anyone else Dorian's dad from Dragon Age vibes??? Blood magic for the gay son???
FINALLY, I will talk about my baby, the character I love more than anything else. Wylan. Here's the thing about Wylan, while I was reading SOC I wasn't sure if homophobia existed in this world yet and I was half convinced that his dad disowned him because gay. While his dad obviously didn't do that, I still think at the end of the day it portrays an experience that is very similar. Wylan is shamed, hidden, and ultimately his dad tries to have him killed, all because he can't read. His dad loathes him over such a stupid reason, especially since Wylan is absolutely brilliant at tons of stuff and the cutest lil guy. But I think it's that hatred of his son over something so trivial that really lends itself to being about something else entirely, Wylan being queer.
All four of our queer characters in the main group have different plots, but ultimately they all circle around the idea of hiding who you are and being ashamed of who you are. That sounds like a very common queer experience if you ask me.
I don't know if this was intentional or just a huge coincidence. As a writer myself I am all too aware of how easily accidental metaphors and symbols can happen. But I think about it a lot as I'm reading so I wanted to shout about it either way. I also have no clue if this is a common idea or not, I just know when I pointed it out to my friends who had read the books prior, one of who loves and reads them yearly, they both kinda went "oh damn, you right," but didn't see it before I mentioned it.
Anyway, if I missed things (or you wanna yell at me about how wrong I am, which is usually the more likely option) I'd love to know thoughts :)
AND BONUS THOUGHTS
This one is super obvious but I just wanna say it. Jesper is ADHD and no one will change my mind in the history of ever. This man cannot sit still, has been described as having limitless energy, and he seeks constant immediate gratification in the form of gambling and adrenalin rushes. COME ON MAN. I know I know, there's a lore reason, something something Grisha not using magic blah blah. No. No. He is ADHD and you cannot tell me otherwise. And I love him dearly.
Also, not a theory or anything but, y'all, I love Wylan so much. I just wanna give him a hug and a lollipop and tell him it's okay. He's so cute.
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sensitivegoblin ¡ 2 months ago
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Vent
Tw su!c!de, sh
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luck-of-the-drawings ¡ 6 months ago
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[OLD ART ALERT] A COLLECTION OF SCENES FROM THE GILLIONS CATSCRATCH ARC THAT BROUGHT ME GREAT JOY. i love fishy chips especially when its just gillion being delirious and violent and hostile
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#jrwi riptide spoilers#JUST NOTICED A MILLION MISTAKES FUUUUUUUUCK BUT WWHATEVERRRRR IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA HHUURRRLLL#SO I REALLY LIKE FISH AND CHIPS RIGHT. IVE BEEN IN LOVE W THE SHIP EVER SINCE THAT NAT 20 KISS#BUT I THINK I SHIP IT WRONG. OR LIKE. I AM CORRECT BUT EVERYONE SHIPS THEM DIFFERENTLY#THE FISH N CHIPS I SEE EVERYWHERE ELSE IS SO FLOWERY AND SWEET AND ROMANTIC. AND THATS NICE! THAT STUFFS NEAT#but gillion and chip would NEVERRRR enter anything similar to a romantic relationship. chips too damaged and gillions too uninterested#I LIKE MY FISH N CHIPS ONE SIDED AS FUCK#bc 2 gillion chip is his best friend in the whole wide world but hes also kinduvagross little man that took him a MINUTE to really warm up2#but to CHIP gillion is this powerful and gorgeous and heroic paragon of destiny and his best friend in the whole world who will#bring about the eschaton. 'i didnt believe in destiny until i met you' until i met a champion radiating with a light thatll alter the world#OHH REMEMBER THE FIRST ICE ARENA?he was so mad.still probably shaking from the ordeal.NEVER had he felt true divine radiance CLEAVE through#his SOUL like that.do you remember that moment in the forest w the bugs. an alien from the ocean; lacerating the land w lightning#when the realization flickered in chip for a moment.that the thing standing before him was more powerful than he could ever fathom#remember when grizz mentioned that the nat20 kiss was the 'best kiss chip ever experienced'. that has nothing to do w this. where was i.#LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. BUT HEY. I THINK at the beginning chip absolutely knew that gill was smth grand n powerful n scary#when gillion revealed what exactly the prophecy was;chip got defensive and mad.sure he was sleep deprived but OOH. HES SCARED!#he believes gillion too! he believes that his destiny is to eradicate either the sea or land and that scares him!#but then he gets past it bc ultimately he trusts his bestfriend gillion so so much. he fuckin loves this dude.#he would throw himself intothe path of fire for this dude. he would boat across the ocean for this dude.he would build arenas for this dude#even if this dude will end half the world.even if this dude wields the power and the obligation to eradicate him at any second.#even if this dude is going to throw himself into harms way for his own comrades.even if this dude is just going to sacrifice himself.#one way or another one shall die for the other.these self-sacrificial bastards click so well with eachother!!#chip believes his body is best used to pave roads and gill believes his body is destined to pave prosperity.WHATEVER!!#i really love their dynamic!! they care for eachother so much!in MY heart tho. the icing on the cake here is the fantasy that chip is#just a bit more In Love w gillion than he realizes. like this powerful fish guy is HOT and PRETTY and KIND and FUNNY and LOYAL and STRONG#but gillion would never rly feel that same sort of attraction towards chip. its just not rly his thing. aroace as fuck man.#thats how it is in MY little heart atleast. and i sit here and play w my touys in my brain n i explore my silly lil one sided fish y chips.
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ribbonpinky-art ¡ 7 months ago
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sideyshowy bobby
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fauvester ¡ 10 months ago
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cannot STRESS how much i love your svsss demon prince oc. his hair... the cunty clothes... the coloring on his eyes and fingers and lips.... ohhh goddd
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demon SLAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
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moeblob ¡ 7 months ago
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What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?
What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.
#my characters#this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain !#its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL#they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve#deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird#like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire#but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body#like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo#he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever#on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things#and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic#he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity#and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him#this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today#i received gift art of these two and i may never recover#its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him#its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer#its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire#so hes like oh well thats odd hmm#and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things#and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst?#and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item#or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares#he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people'#and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness#and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that?#and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures#like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed#he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified#and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool
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dangans-ur-ronpas ¡ 6 months ago
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i read 'the gender of mona lisa' and i feel. both extremely seen and yet incredibly infuriated
#the gender of mona lisa#SPOILERS in the tags but uh#the whole premise is that in this world people dont have a defined sex until they turn 12#and the main character is 18 and hasn't gotten a sex yet#and also their two best friends (one guy one girl) confessed to them at the same time#and it's a really nice story and dialogue where they're conflicted on what they want to be and why can't they just stay the same#and if choosing either one of their friends means they need to adhere to one gender or the other#there's also a caveat where if you don't choose to a sex (by hormone treatments if your body doesn't present as one sex) by age 20#then 'something bad' will happen i.e: you die#it's thought provoking and sad at times but also very frustrating. i get the author is japanese and this is very much a sort of reflection#on japanese ideals of sex and gender...and a more open reflection at that#considering how there's a lot of questioning on what DEFINES femininity and masculinity#but i dont like how the author makes it out that not choosing it this horrible tragic thing. and that you can be one or the other#but still have interchangeable feminine or masculine traits which is fine!! be a girl with boy interests and vice versa#and also enraging as hell. like ive seen this rhetoric from terfs where theyre like. 'dont be trans!! just be a lil girly or boyish!!'#the one character that was written who DIDNT choose to be one or the other killed themself which was? really really saddening#and also pissed me the hell off!!! this shouldnt be a punishment!!!!!#man..........oh well. i digress. it was an interesting read despite it all
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biscuitsnbee ¡ 6 months ago
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I did it yall.
I hopped on the trend. So, heres several alternate versions of my boy, Oshe!!
Incase it was hard to tell, the 1st pic is him normally, then genderbent, as a child, and lastly as a hero cause he’s already evil LMAO Oshe’s the main (and very tragic) villain of the “Falling Stars” series! 🌟
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volivolition ¡ 9 months ago
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what's the theme you're fucking going for here voliiii!!! what are you fucking getting at!!! what are you trying to say, what's the point??
#still working on this drama chapter in Swept Up. they're. confusing to work with? from an empathy standpoint at least.#skill who is trying to honestly understand the other skills VS skill who is just always lying and putting on an act.#and then theres the whole thing that im not going to spoil yet but the dynamic. fuck man. i dont even know what im trying to say here#lying is bad? no i dont care about that. honest communication is important maybe? i feel like i need a central theme for this.#and i dont want the theme to be ''empathy good'' because low-empathy people are also good and i love them!! and also:#empathy is a flawed character!! i try to portray this. i dont like moralism/centrism which empathy believes in and is the main skill for#empathy you stupid centralist (affectionate) i know this is just because you don't know how to make everyone happy. who can fix this?#you dont think you can fix this! you feel too much debilitating sadness to make meaningful change!! responsibilite to others more capable#still. i do depict empathy as often kind on a small level because i think that's in character. empathy just helps you understand.#i guess this fic is also a ''empathy doesn't mean kindness. kindness is a choice you can make afterwards but empathy just means empathy''#but that's not a centralizing theme that all the chapters share. its also about vulnerability and the mortifying ordeal of being known#urgh. i'll think about it some more. knowing me its probably another ''love (in all forms) is the meaning to life'' type story lmao <3#i need to make a skill chart for this harry. all i know is that Volition is his skill signature but Empathy is his highest stat#hyper-empathetic harry with the rsd that comes from adhd!! haha!! suffering. everybody fucking hate you. this is based on me btw lmao#i was working on voli's chapter which has a flashback and child empathy! new to the mindspace looking out through harry's eyes and crying#the world is full of sad people and it's just too much for a lil guy! the backstory i have planned for this like. huh okay. wild. anyway!!#oh shit ive made a fucking breakthrough with the drama chapter. its not a theme but its something i figured out at least. we stay winning!!#chemi chats#task: swept up
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whumpitisthen ¡ 1 year ago
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here's a quick rundown on astarion: gay vampire spawn (not a vampire. like a demo version vampire. a "lesser" one but don't let him hear that) who has been kept for 200 years by his master as a slave. guy (who was an actual vampire) carved him up, tortured him and forced him to lure victims into his manor. astarion has been abused in so many ways i'd hit some sort of character limit if i listed half of them. he was only allowed to feet on rats and small vermin in the sewers. poor little meow meow astarion is now free due to [game story] reasons and seeks power and revenge -- he's an edgy fuck with a lot of swag and no moral compass. bro is a menace and loves causing problems on purpose. [slight spoiler] he will literally try to suck some of your blood like a day or two after you meet him and unless you succeed a skill check he'll just keep doing it until you die. if you resurrect yourself afterwards he'll go like "ooooh ooopsie sowwy! i wouldn't kill you if i knew you'll be back teehee can we forget about this? ;) <3 don't fucking kill me". he's such a good fucking whumpee you don't even know. it's insane. i don't want to ramble but he's almost everything i've ever wanted from a character like this in a large scale rpg. [slightly bigger spoiler] despite being the go-to "fuckable" character who everyone finds hot as hell (both in-universe and online) he's HORRIBLY traumatized by his sexual experiences from when he used to be a slave and when you romance him a good portion of his storyline revolves around trying to make him realize that he's more than just a slab of very attractive meat. he hides his feelings behind a facade of "evil tumblr sexyman-esque" mannierisms and getting to finally peel it back and see him for the poor wet cat that he is is so fucking satisfying. [an even bigger spoiler] i loved watching him cry when he finally gets to confront his former master. pristine content. there's so much more to his character (and this game in general) but if you ever need to justify spending full price on a new videogame release, there's nothing better than bg3. if i could choose one game to beam directly into the brain of each whumpblr user, it'd be this one.
Okay so i already loved him from the very little information i had about him, but this is so delicious
I saw some pics of bad scars which are always hhh and heard that he is a whumpee but i didn't know the extent and now i think ive collected a new blorbo
You are telling me he meets his old master at some point...... and he cries..... and hes all sad....... he rly was made for tumblr but especially me youre telling me he has white hair and is a vampire twink who was a slave and hurt and traumatised and he has incredible sad wet cat energy and he only has a flimsy layer of confidence and absolutely no idea what morals are. i knew i needed to know more you have to understand my knowledge of the game stopped at the bear sex scene like that is it and yet i somehow always find the most pathetic little men no matter what in any media i could not give a shit about any of the rest i will consume the entire thing just to know the exact extent of his sad little life
Also i wish i had the opportunity to even consider buying a full price new release no matter how good the game is there is no world in which id be able to pay for that. Also idk about the gameplay either it seems very story oriented roleplay and almost dating sim-ish? Not a huge fan of those in general its gotta have more gameplay than walking around and basically watching a movie, but, again. No idea about anything, maybe it has incredible gameplay and i just dont know. Dont tell me if it does itll just make ms sadder bc that would absolutely make me wanna play it myself. Its kinda funny honestly the longer i spend not knowing anything the crazier everyone seems to me both online and irl. Its like im living in a separate world, i know no one who hasn't played this fucking game fjfhskhfd
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alldarkling ¡ 1 year ago
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( English script based on this scene is located under read . ) This is one of my favourite scenes of the Faust play where Mephistopheles was tricking a group of man at a pub, using his ability to cast illusions upon their drinks, making them believe that they're drinking their most desired alcohol, before Mephistopheles turned the original drinks into hellfire and created a fun little chaos upon them. He's having a flametastic time !
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3416 ¡ 2 years ago
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You’ve mentioned that you find the leafs specifically have a narrative. Could you expand on that?
sorry, this got kind of lonG BUT !!!! THERE IS SO MUCH TO THE LEAFS INDIVIDUALLY AND AS A TEAM.. can’t summarize it all but enjoy a small rant below...
they’re kind of a perpetual underdog in a lot of ways, at least in recent history. every non-fan likes to clown on them for being unable to make it out of the first round of playoffs the past SIX YEARS in a row…like they’re a shoo-in for the actual spot and then… just can’t win a series of games to make it out of the first round. but at this point, it feels like SUCH a mental barrier for them. they have all this star power on their team (savior of the franchise boy from the desert first round first overall 2016 draft pick auston matthews…. magician home grown toronto boy first round 4th overall 2015 pick mitch marner……. first round 8th overall 2014 pick WILLY ((need i say more after his recent performances)) …… veteran captain first round first overall 2009 pick returning to his hometown team and betraying what was supposed to be his career-long position on the islanders for a chance at a cup at home and to play with some promising players john tavares… actually so many members of this team coming to toronto bc it’s dear to them.. some taking huge pay cuts just to be in toronto.. play for a historic team like the leafs with all this talent and promise and belief and fanfare) and everyone thinks they should be able to do it and they just haven’t yet. but it feels inevitable that they will have some playoff success and i want to be on the side of rooting for them when they do bc they’re genuinely just……….. good. and they deserve it big time. like, hockey is such a team sport in so many ways, and your star players can’t just carry everything in order to succeed, so the leafs have dealt with some changes and some tweaking and some not-so-good goaltending but… luck will be on their side eventually (this year, i believe it) and they WILLLLLL get what they deserve and have worked hard for. it literally feels like one of those sports movies when the person or team has to overcome so much that they go on their little redemption and success arc…. like you could make a movie out of the leafs journey… they jsut gotta get the cup first to fully accomplish the storyline.
and like.. not only that and each player’s individual journey to the team.. and the player/player and player/coach dynamics.. but also just. sheldon keefe as the coach… kyle dubas as gm… two men who have a history of trust and working together and succeeding in hockey… elevating themselves to the highest league and having this shared vision for how to operate a team. and it literally WORKS. like the toronto marlies (aka the ahl affiliate team) won the calder cup with them as coach and gm in 2018…. proof that their methods work at the level right below the nhl… it does not get more tried and tested than THAT..… SUCCESS IS SO POSSIBLE and the leafs demonstrate it during regular season time and time again. and sheldon keefe as the coach… following the firing of the old-school-hard-ass mike babcock who was extra tough on his players and employed questionable methods of coaching (don’t get me started on him and mitch…) and wanted this element of like.. inter-team competition almost….. such a stark contrast to keefe’s methods of accountability and belief in each other…. it’s just. POETIC is what it is. the leafs are such a TEAM. like they have fun out there and they enjoy each other and they respect their coach and have great relationships with management… and they manage to do all that in one of the worst media markets in sports ive ever seen like truly lfkldjsfkld toronto media is such a circus about them, like all sports, but the leafs have such solidarity when they talk to the media like… they just seemingly don’t let things get to them and they protect each other and don’t take shit and i just love it.
anyway. LKFJSDKL I HOPE THIS MADE ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER BUT LIKE. success is coming for them as long as they keep plugging along and getting better and more well-rounded. let’s fucking GO leafs.
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boowritess ¡ 7 months ago
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part 2 lol
so apparently it's really fucking hard to get into the SAS. and ontop of that I've been getting tiktoks of people going around an army base asking why they joined. most responses were to pay off student loans, bills, school, (someone said there's was 6 years of prison or school and *mental note for idea*), the recruiter lied or spoilt them, barracks bunny.
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141 (poly?) x notsobaddasssoldier!reader
and now i can't stop thinking of soldier!reader. who really half-assed their way through everything - only doing the job for the money and to pay off student loans + they had nothing better to do.
who somehow ends up being adopted by Price (kinda like Gaz i guess ???) all because reader happened to be in the right place at the right time and saved Price's ass while managing to complete a mission the Task Force were doing.
and it's not that you saved his ass or completed the mission that makes Price go *this is mine* - it's the fact that afterwards all you can say is-
"this shit is so not worth paying off my student loans."
"oh fuck i forgot to cancel my subscription. fuckk- waste of fucking money"
- all the while a building is burning in front of you but yeah just not at all concerned about what had just happened. so price just *grabs you by the back of your neck and holds you up, claiming you as part of his task force now.*
(lol you probably can't do that irl but this is fiction sooo suck my ass.)
and laswell's just like no... they are very much still green john. way too green. no.
but it's too late. he's already introducing you to the task force. singing your praises and you're just like
"man he promised to pay off my student loans and give me food." basically how ur recruiter got ya ass.
enough said. you get the whole off the books speech, saving the world by doing things others wouldn't like. but u couldn't give a rats ass - you should but nah...
and like... you know you're the rookie... you're still green... but some of the shit 141 do you just...
"so you just gonna kidnap the wife AND the child...? right... kid, you wanna watch bluey? here..."
"and you do this often...? crazy."
but you don't exactly protest. how could you with how much you get paid. you kinda just side-eye and look away when it's geta a lil crazy. *bombastic side-eye*
and the other 141 guys - oh my days. become just as enormed as price and want to start really trying to amplify your skills. but every time, they start explaining how to do things - the best way to go about a situation or how to fight a certain way.
you pull this face. like your top lip pulls back, your eyebrows scrunch together, and there's a slight frown on your lips as they speak. like you look confused/disgusted. but you don't even realise cause-
"why're you pulling that face?" 141
"that's... that's just my focusing face..."
"oh..." 141 feels bad
then when they do take you in feild you're shaking your head no. like you haven't been around that long. what the fuck? now you're bout to infiltrate an enemy base!?!?!
"can i just wait in the car?"
"no." price
"i'm gonna vomit."
"aim at the enemy." ghost
people think that because you're suddenly in this badass task force that surely they're just using you for your assets.
they all think you're the 141 barracks bunny. and maybe you should be pissed or annoyed or grossed out. but all you can do is sigh and pause from the burger price got you, and let out a long exhale.
"fuck... maybe i can just do onlyfans or be a pornstar... shit maybe it's not too late..."
"military is bascially sex work - selling my body..."
"not that different from what i'm doing now. body being used, check. body sore in the strangest places, check."
your tone so empty, blank and nonchalant, but there's a serious look in your eyes that when you grab your phone out to maybe do a little research on how you could do that, your phone is snatched from your hand by one of the guys and they walk out the room without a second look back.
with an annoyed huff, you go back to eating your burger. but suddenly, you turn to the person who genuinely thought you were a barracks bunny.
"hey you think if i be a barracks bunny i get out of missions and shit?"
"...that's not how it works..." rando.
"fuck."
and maybe you try...
like you go to price's office and the guys are already in there, chatting about something that you should really pay attention too but you can't be assed. instead you unashamedly start to speak...
"if i suck ya'll dicks can i get out the mission?"
"no. you still have to join." gaz says amused
"even if you-" *que long sigh from price* "even if you suck our dicks."
"that's fucked up. i should've done porn."
and with the most hurt and broken-hearted look on your face, you leave the office, closing the door with a dramatic sigh. the guys just stare at the door in... confusion, amusement, and maybe arousal if ya'll dig that
idk man just gimmie more soldier!reader who just really ain't the fucked, there for money, lowkey hungry and doesn't know what the fuck is happening. kinda a pet or little sibling energy that the 141 love.
bonus*
"wait so they aren't sucking our dicks?" *soap says getting slapped in the back of the head by ghost
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a/n: brain is rottinnggg. i should be doing so much other shit but... cod just consumes my brain 24/7
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arolesbianism ¡ 2 years ago
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I've been messing around with clangen a bit. Bet y'all cant guess what happened
#rat rambles#^ got attached and made a new story using my 4 clans#Im mostly using where Im at currently as a starting point for a new story#featuring my lovely lil guy Ive been calling murtlepaw in my head but that name may not stick idk#theyre just the embodiment of just some guy in the body of the specialist guy in the world#they have their whole sope opera backstory that they dont event remember most of but whats most important is that the spirit of one of the#dead clan leaders has been kinda haunting them for their whole life#she was mostly chill tho just kind of pushy after a while to go join her old clan and after they did she stopped showing up as much#which wouldnt be as big of a thing if shit didnt hit the fan the gathering after they joined#basically the four clan founders started fighting over the clans specialist little guy in front of everyone#then they all try to sort of possess them but since they all try at once they kind of just get too stuck wresting eachother for control to#actually properly possess them so now murtlepaw is just having a panic attack while everyone else at the gathering stand there in shock#before that the leader of the clan murtle joined had treated them quite coldly due to who brought them there#the past leader made her deputy right after she had lost her tail and had just lost her best friend and then proceeded to die soon after#the past leader I mean#so she. has quite the bad association with her.#but after that gathering she recognized that murtlepaw didnt chose to be involved with most of this shit#and immediately felt terrible abt how she had been treated them and quickly becomes the number one murtlepaw defender#in particular shes quick to defend them from the other leaders trying to claim them as their own prophesized cat#shes trying her best to give murtlepaw as much control over the sitiation as she can but its a goddamn struggle#the other leaders are mostly just sitting there like this bitch is so old please just drop dead already so we can force this child to move#and I need to sleep but if I keep developing this story prepare for me to keep vaguely talking abt it#or not since even tho I do think abt my other main wc story a good bit I still dont talk abt it much lol#tbf thats mostly because I might actually make smth for it someday and I wanna avoid spoiling everything
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evilminji ¡ 7 months ago
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You knooooowwww... >.>
The only difference, technically, between a school in the Zone? And on Earth? Is the American government won't recognize your Zone diploma...
Not accredited. But like..... I'm JUST SAYING? If you didn't try to pass your school off as some Big Ivy League type? Pulled the "oh yeah, you'd never have heard of it, it's local." And the COMPUTERS say it's legit?
How many people will dig deeper?
If you legitimately have the knowledge, you legitimately have the knowledge. Not YOUR fault you left out the whole "extra-dimensional" part. It makes folk nervous! And nervous folks get stabby.
So like? If you were ALREADY planning to "Move" as you euphemistically put it? Talked it over with your VERY concerned folks and friends? Who do NOT like the look of the steady but concerning rise of Anti-Ghost Powers That Be? Who finally put their foot down and reminded you that you are a TEENAGER and it's NOT your responsibility to fix the world?
Well...
Fuck those guys, I guess. You'll miss the old house, but Team "Taking our ball and going literally anywhere else" makes some good points. Why ARE you putting up with this?
And honestly, you've never SEEN your dad have so much fun. Him and the Reality Realtor just sorta... Vibe. Himbo to Himbo communications. Smatters of advanced physics. Fudge. It's great.
They move the portal. Collapse the old one in a way that makes it impossible to recover or recreate. You... kinda don't want to ask. They had that "mad scientist glint" in their eyes.
And while everyone's checking out brochures to different realities? You? Head off to the nearest College. It's the Zone, so technically you could go to any of endless billions. But you'd like your education some time this century.
Cue! Danny Fenton! Entering?
Academia's wet dream. A sprawling CITY of a college. Where the classes are on EVERYTHING and the price is FREE. People have Obsessions okay?? They NEED to teach. Debate and discuss! Study! Right papers and read them! It's been going on a while! And what happens when you find a subject that's NOT covered?
YOU COVER IT!
It's like if New York was a College. Good fucking luck find the dorms. Sleep on the floor like the rest of us, you casual.
Danny was Not Prepared ™.
He loves it though.
Classes on aeronautics next making the perfect sandwich, shoved next to historical basketry, stacked above alien slam poetry. But only on Tuesdays! Ever shifting. Breaking his Fenton Born Adhd in to a fine PASTE to be smeared upon bread. Happy mental stimulation chemicals go Brrrrrrrr
If it wasn't wildly inappropriate, he would LICK IT to claim it as his then wrap around it and gaurd like a territorial cat. He thought he HATED school! Turns out he just hated high-school. College though? College, or at least ZONE College, is fuckin AWESOME.
He's sit in SO MANY random classes just cause.
Picked up and dropped them at a whim. When they no longer sparked joy. He's been a flighty bitch and for once? No one CARES. No one says "you HAVE to commit and stick with this FOREVER once you choose this" and? It just? It's so FREEING! He's learned so MUCH!
He's probably gonna come back!
Which? Is how a deeply, DEEPLY weird aerospace engineer from supposedly bumfuck NOWHERE, end up working at Wayne Industries. He's.... a lil crazy behind the eyes. Ha ha... CONCERNING ™!
Dude sleeps on the lab floor. Has weirdly spotty knowledge. Can be an unprecedented genius one second and not know who the current president is the next. Doesn't know what DAY it is. Forgets to eat. Tried to make a fusion reactor out of the break room toaster before Sandra from accounting distracted him with pictures of her cat.
It's like he wanders through life blissfully unaware that he is both terrifying and about three seconds from killing them all. Then FUCKING TRIPS because he forgot to tie his shoelaces again.
Who hired this man?
WHY!?
I mean, we KNOW why. Probably to put him on a watch list. But? He's like a terrifying murder puppy! Built like a tank! That's stoned out of its mind half the time. And have you HEARD his college stories? That CAN'T be legal. Was this guy raised in a cult!? Aaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!????
@hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @babbling-babull @dcxdpdabbles @hypewinter
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86espresso ¡ 2 months ago
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secrets i have held in my heart, are harder to hide than i thought ✯ jh86
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
sum: “I really like you.” *looks around* “are you sure-”
// jack x med student
warnings: 18+, oral (f & m receiving), mentions of familial neglect, cursing, kissing, stress, anxiety, doubt, pet tigers, jack thinking too hard, reader is insecure don’t know what for 💔, overuse of commas because im insane, happy ending, a lil too sappy (i say this with emphasis), i mean it there’s a whole lotta CHEESE, mostly fluff, very emotional and hearty pls im sorry im a lover. afab!reader w/ she/her pronouns :)
w/c; 7.6k
a/n: hey so yeah. wtf. the word count?? i had so much fun writing this. half scared that its boring. i love simp / munch jack. ps: as queen as y/n is, i gave reader a nickname, sorry. (a very … unique nickname. i myself am puzzled as to how my brain works) enjoy. or at least try to. under the cut !
THE library was unsurprisingly almost empty considering the fact that no sane person would want to step outside in this rainstorm, so you were content in studying organic chemistry in the very back, alone with your thoughts, your textbooks, folklore by Taylor Swift, and now a guy. Who decided that he will break the silence in the almost empty library.
You were in your world, as always, not really connecting or associating with things around you but the ruckus of the someone knocking over an umbrella stand and profusely apologizing to apparently no one made you lift your head up. You smile slightly before going back to your work, barely registering your surroundings. 
Sure, Jack was entirely focused on his friends, studies, and hockey back in high school, but he was an expert at faces and names and could jot down absolutely anyone that he knows he’s seen before. He knew exactly who the girl with dark circles and way-too-oversized hoodie in the back was. 
At least five minutes later, Jack started hovering near your spot, which was the romance aisle. You sneak a glance at him and take note of his athletic shorts and New York Giants hoodie and quickly denote that this man was definitely not the romance novel type (or maybe book type at all). After flipping mindlessly through another book he lets out a soft “fuck it” before turning to face you completely. 
You can’t help but crack a smile at his jump when he saw that you had already been staring at him with wide, voidfull eyes. 
A pause. You staring at him. Him staring at you. He cracks a dopey smile, blinding you with his paper white teeth, and pulls up a chair in front of you. 
“What’s up, Dee?” He asks holding his hand up for a dap. Bewildered at how this complete stranger knows your nickname amongst close friends (from when you gracefully told people that ‘the bags under your eyes are Dior’), you dap him back anyway and blurt, “I have never seen you before.”
“You went to my high school. We worked in a project in like, AP World I think? I dunno. But I remember you saved my grade that whole year.”
Your mind remains blank. You saved a lot of people’s grades. 
“My only high school memories are countless APs, pain, suffering, studying and depression.” 
Most people would blanch at your dreamy straightforwardness, but Jack just grinned again. 
“Yeah, I remember you were always tired but also really funny. And tired. Deja Vu, man, watching you sit here, laser focused on your books. I was on the hockey team, if that helps.”
I furrow my brows, thinking hard. 
“I do remember that our hockey guys were really good. They would announce their names like every day on the speakers because they won all the time.” 
Jack groans at the memory. He was well known but it was just uncomfortable having your last names called out where the whole school could hear. 
You laugh at his reaction. “They would call the same names over and over. I don’t know if it was you who used to hide your face every time they did it but yeah.”
Jack perked up. “Yeah that was me.” 
You take a moment to admire his boyish facial features and athletic build. He’s pretty. 
‘Don’t even think about it’ pretty. 
“Dang. You were like a superstar. Sorry I don’t remember much. I’m like, walking jet lag.” 
He laughs a typical frat boy laugh (if that makes sense) and you like it. You want to hear it again. 
“So, what are you doing out here? Never pegged you for a big city girl.” 
“I go to college here.”
“Damn, we should’ve met sooner. My name is Jack, by the way.” 
“My friends call me Dee, but I guess you knew that.”
You were left pondering as to why a hockey player from high school was even anticipating meeting you; people only approached you for notes and the occasional party invitation back then.
“So, uh- what about you? Make it big in the league thingy yet?” 
He breaths a laugh. “You could say that.”
“Who do you play for?” 
“New Jersey.”
“Prudential, isn’t it? That’s close by my apartment.” I say in thought. 
Jack grins. “Really? We might bump into each other often, then.” 
He looks genuinely excited. 
Why. 
What’s going on. 
You chat for a few more minutes but it’s mostly you saying out of pocket things and Jack laughing instead of side-eyeing you and walking away. You were surprised at his effortless kindness. 
“Phone.”
“Hm?”
“Or Snap? Whatever you feel like is best,” he says, pulling out his phone. It takes a second to register that he’s implying that you exchange contact information. 
“Don’t really use Snapchat. I kinda have too much on my plate right now.” You hand over your phone. 
“You always overwork yourself, you should be at the club. You’ll die on the inside.” 
“Nothing I can’t handle, I hope.”
You just need to push through and never ever have fun.
He checks the time and sighs. 
“I was just here to return a book but I gotta head back. Flight for a roadie takes off in a couple hours. I’ll be back in, like, four days? I hope to see you around then?” 
You match his soft smile and nod, whatever roadie means but okay. It was actually nice, wasting some valuable study time for a potential friend. He’s cool. 
“Yeah. See you.” You offer and huff a laugh as he reaches out to dap you up again. 
That night, after yet another long and winding day with the only highlight being meeting someone who was apparently a high school acquaintance, you decide to look him up. Surprised at the absolute famethat this man had loaded, your lips parting at every detail, you click on his instagram and officially unhinge your jaw. 
500k followers? 
You’re never on insta but that can’t be good. 
The shock of how you basically were bonding with someone who definitely downplayed how famous he was didn’t wear off a week later; he texted you quite often and you tried to text back without seeming dry. 
It was nearly a week later when he offered to meet up again. 
-> two questions
babies come from the baby store.
-> wtf 
sorry. ask away !
-> 1. are you at the library rn
do you still like the caramel frappe from dunkin
yes. and yes. what the hell are you doing. 
-> something nice. see u soon angel. 
angel is wild when I look like I snuck on this earth but thanks for that anyways. you’re very kind :))
-> kind enough to tell you to that you’re really pretty :))
*reacted with heart emoji*
You check your forehead temperature to make sure you hadn’t just imagined the whole conversation. 
It wasn’t long before Jack was strutting into the library with two dunkin’ shakes in his hands accompanied by his gorgeous smile when he spotted you in the back, once again. 
“You’re wearing glasses today.” He says when you look up at his outstretched hand. You reach forward with a grateful smile, and deja vu hits you hard. The same exact scene playing out in high school when he had asked everyone in some group project their favorite drinks and treated them when they all got an A. 
“I remember you,” you say as he flopped on the bean bag next to you with his own drink. 
“Yeah? I knew you would. You’re too smart.” He says, again dazzling you with his perfect smile as he lifts two fingers to tap your temple softly to emphasize his point. It’s a challenge to tear your eyes away from his baby blues. 
“Your eyes are so blue. It’s distracting.” 
Jack’s eyes widen at your unintentional rebuttal at his subtle flirting, and he smirks. He knew that you weren’t aware that you were being flirted with the past week; what you lacked in emotional and social intelligence was shadowed by your sharpness in academics. 
“Hey, you didn’t tell me you were a really big deal around here? Everyone knows you and you have like a million followers.”
“Stalking me?” 
“Educating myself.”
Jack laughs and throws as arm around you to peer over your shoulder. 
“Well, I don’t just go around telling people how good I am. So, whatcha doing?” 
The contact makes you freeze up and once again the surreality of a man wanting to spend time with you disorients you a little bit.
“Watching porn.” 
Jack laughs again and earns a stern look from the clerk down the aisle. 
“I’m studying anatomy.”
“Yeah, didn’t suspect any less than med school for your smartass.” 
You turn to him to talk back but his face was inches away from you and that sets off alarm bells throughout your body. You’ve had your fair share of guys and girls but there was not a single string attached and the short flings were easy to forget. 
But having someone that pretty, that close to you, not showing exactly what intentions he had? That caused your anxiety to spike. Positively. 
“Your face is really close.” You simply state, pushing your large frames higher up your nose. 
“And yours is really red.” 
You immediately press your hands against your cheeks and groan at what you picture your face looks like. Jack just giggles again and pulls your hands away. 
“It’s cute.” 
His hands are still on your wrists. 
“It really isn’t, but thank you. You’re very kind.”
There’s a beat of silence where you can see the gears in his head turning. 
“Do you like aquariums?”
You surprise yourself and Jack when you pull him into a hug as a greeting outside the aquarium.
The feel of your chests touching with little fabric in between set Jack’s heart off racing and the way your curves dipped at your hips had him pulling at his collar. 
But most of all, when he pulled back from the hug, he noticed you were wearing shorts that had your legs all out for him to ogle over. 
“You hidin’ all that?” He scans your figure, noting the dark, low cut, full sleeve top. 
“What? All this?” You say as you push your tits together. “There’s not much to hide.”
Jack’s throat runs dry. Unfortunately for him, he’s still a guy and tits still make him drool. And the fact that you had no idea you were keeping him on his toes 
“Be for real.” He rolls his eyes. “How’d your day go?” 
“Nice, actually. I just took Nala for a walk and-“ you cut yourself off. 
“I didn’t know you had a pet? Can I see her? I love anim-“
“She’s a tiger.” 
You give him more and more reasons everyday as to why him hanging out with you was unethical and strange but he seemed to keep on staying. Studying you as if intrigued by your strangeness. 
“You- have a pet..tiger?” 
Yeah. I’ve done it.
“I- yeah.” 
It seems like all Jack ever does is grin because he’s doing it again and flinging an arm around your shoulder as he starts to walk with you. 
“Oh, Dee. There’s just so much to learn and love about you.” 
It takes you a second to react. 
“That may be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“You serious?” 
“Yeah. Well, cause I was ugly growing up, and people always thought I was strange. It’s hard to imagine that people are genuinely interested in any sort of friendship with me.” 
Jacks fingertips on your bare collarbone, his cologne and aftershave, his figure pressed against your side; all of it was overtaking your senses.  
“Baby, why do you think I walked up to you that day in the first place? You may not remember much but I do. You were so kind and honest. And so intriguing. And hardworking. And pretty. I think your dark circles are hot.” 
You huff out a laugh and ignore the flutter in your chest at ‘baby’. 
Jack looks down at you with a gaze that he can’t pinpoint. You’re just very, very endearing to him. He needs to show you all kinds of fun so you laugh like that again. 
“You smell nice.” You say and hesitate before loosening yourself against him more. He hums at the increased contact and at your compliment, smiling against your hair. 
“Thank you.” 
To say you had the absolute time of your life at the aquarium was an understatement. Jack got to see a side of you that loved fun, that was carefree, and didn’t have that goddamn crease in your eyebrows. You were the one pulling him around, telling him you wanted to be a marine biologist as a kid and that you recognize most of the species. Jack made sure to snap a few pictures of you when you weren’t looking, the lightning shaped twinkle in your eyes a memory he wanted to keep forever. 
Later that day, Jack drove you back to your apartment, mentally noting that you were about a fifteen minute drive from his place. 
“Nala?” You coo out softly as you push open the door and drag Jack inside, not giving him the chance to protest. Jack looks around at your apartment. It’s small and messy, but organized in some places. He jumps and lets out a brief scream when a fucking tiger is bounding towards you at full speed and knocking you over with a hug. You laugh as your beloved Nala starts licking up your face and you both roll on the floor. 
Jack’s breathing calms a little as he remembers who owns the tiger. 
“I’ll put her away for now.” You say, reading Jack’s skepticism. He sighed in relief. 
“Oh good. Because as much as you reassured me and as man as I am, she’s still a tiger.” You giggle at his words and guide Nala towards her room. 
The sound makes Jack smile stupidly. His heart stutters and he wants to put your little laugh on replay. He can’t believe that a girl who stated random medical facts at any time, who lost sleep because ‘she just forgot that it’s important’, who barely remembered him from a while ago even though he remembered everything, who waves at planes as they fly overhead, who didn’t know shit about the sport he played, had him wrapped tightly around her finger. 
He takes a moment to observe your apartment. The stacks of medical related books that he doesn’t want to and never will understand, the old record player sitting in the corner of the kitchen, a huge jar of nutella on the coffee table, a questionable fluffy purple blanket on your sofa. Just little things that made you all the more real to him. 
And he still wants to know more. He wants to know your sleep schedule so he knows that you’re getting enough sleep and when to text or call, he wants to know what you dream of, he wants to know your passions besides studying, he wants to know what made you become so numb and detached, how you still managed to have a twinkle in your eye when you experienced emotion. 
But, as he leans to the counter for support at his racing mind and as you enter the room, still clad in your godforsaken low cut top and curve-hugging shorts, he most of all wants to know what you are like, what your lips would feel like molded against his, how you’d moan or whimper at his touch. He’s still leaning against the counter as he recalls when you unabashedly pushed your tits together just hours ago. 
“You alright?” You ask, but you yourself seemed to have distressed eyebrow lines. 
“Uh? Oh yeah. I was just.” He gestures around your apartment. “Observing.” 
You nod, still lost in thought. 
“Are you okay?” He asks, not liking the stress in your body language. 
“Yeah. It’s just, I have two projects due next week and I’ve been studying for something else so I completely forgot about them.” You frown, feeling tears pool in your eyes. You can’t cry in front of Jack. If everything else didn’t make him abandon you, then this would. 
“Woah. Hey, hey.” Jack is by your side immediately. He feels guilty for thinking of you sinfully while you were in distress but he really couldn’t help it. You blink back the tears and shrug it off. 
“It gets kind of a lot sometimes, y’know?” Jack follows you to the couch and sits next to you, immediately taking your hands in his and pulling your legs onto his lap. You gave up on keeping your cool when he does that and give him a bewildered expression. Being taken care of is so strange. 
“And? Go on, baby.” He smiles softly and encouragingly, dropping one of your hands to hold your chin for a moment before grabbing your hand again. 
You blink. 
“Well, It’s probably not as much as I’m stressing it out to be. I’m about to abuse substances.” 
“Now don’t do that. There’s lots of ways to destress yourself.” Jack’s hand wanders again, resting on your bare knee. His movements are soft and gentle, but they still cause a foreign spark through your body. You dryly cough before registering his words and looking at Jack’s hand that had inched higher by the slightest. 
“Is this flirting?” Rushed out of your mouth and Jack chuckles, a normal sound but an octave lower. 
“Sure is, baby. You’re learning fast.” He’s staring your eyes down, and all of a sudden he’s consuming your senses again. His cologne is still there, his insane blues are glued to yours, his deep breathing is signifying his increasing heart rate. His hand inches higher as he moves closer. 
“Why don’t I just,” shrug, “eat you out? ‘S a better high than drugs-” His phone buzzes in his pocket. 
Jack huffs and pulls away, leaving your insides churning at the his lingering touch and words??? The implication alone, the images conjuring in your head were nothing short of filthy. 
He scowls as he takes the call, muttering something about how it’s his agent and he’ll get in trouble if he doesn’t answer. His responses are curt and his expression neutral, but his hand is gripping your thigh with intensity. As he hangs up the call and tosses his phone aside, his hand is almost at your inner thigh and he maneuvers himself to be directly on his knees on the floor in front of you. 
The sudden movement and his face looking up at yours between your slightly parted legs has your pussy throbbing. It’s been weeks since you were.. in this particular position with someone and god did it feel nice that it was the finest man in world to unpause your sex life. 
He leans up to be face level with you. “Do you trust me, baby?” You never noticed how sultry his natural voice was. 
His eyes search yours for any kind of discomfort as his hand reaches forward to cup your cheek. You nod in conformation as he moves closer. 
Your breath hitches as he presses his lips to your cheek, dangerously close to your mouth. It confuses you slightly as to why he didn’t just kiss you but both of his hands on your waistband distracts you. 
“Can I take these off?” He questions and you nod once again, not trusting your voice. 
He’s doing everything in slow motion and you think it alludes to your sensitivity earlier, but anticipation and his hands cloud everything in your mind. 
What kind of guy just? offers to eat you out? to help you destress? 
Your shorts are discarded and the exposure doesn’t bother you. Sure your heart would be thudding either way, but Jack made you feel different. No anxiety in the sense that he would judge you or harm you or hurt your feelings.
“Hm, these are cute.” Jack’s thumb fingers over the lining of your underwear. 
You feel yourself flush. 
“Thanks.” Is your quiet response. 
“Relax, baby. This is for you to unwind, not to get nervous. Focus on how you’re feeling,”   Jack instructs as his finger ghosted over your clothed cunt. Your teeth nibble on your bottom lip as you push your hips closer to his hand. 
He smirks at your eagerness and gives in, entirely pushing his thumb against your clit through your panties. 
His thumb moves slowly but firmly back and forth as he gauges your reaction. Finding the right spots where your stomach clenches or your eyebrows knit together. 
“More.” You muster as you open your eyes to look down at Jack who was already moving to take your damp panties off. Once again, slowly. He groans as he sees you glistening for him and starts kissing up your thigh. 
“You have a pretty face.” 
Jack grins up at your compliment while peppering feather light kisses on your inner thighs. 
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
The anticipation pools in your lower stomach as Jack breaks eye contact with you to admire your delicacy in front of him. He uses the same thumb to rub through your folds and reach higher to circle your clit. The stimulation has you moaning softly and the sound has Jack’s cock twitching in his shorts. 
“I- hurry.” You huff in slight annoyance, wanting more besides the slow circles. Jack smirks against your thigh and removes his thumb so he could move forward lick a stripe through your folds. 
Your knuckles get white gripping the pillow,  itching to hold his hair instead as his eyes flicker between yours and your pussy. Jack notices your hand on the pillow and guide it to his hair while sucking and licking your cunt. He parts away for a second to catch his breath before making slow and languid motions with his tongue on your clit. 
You grip his hair, hard. Jack grunts against you and loses a shred of control as he pulls your legs apart further to dive further in. You let out a startled breath at the sudden movement and pull on his hair more as he shakes his head deeper while still staring up at you. 
“Jack..” you breathe out, but it comes out as more of a whimper that makes him hum against you and a spark run through his body. He pulls away and inserts his middle and ring finger through your slick and pumps shortly before curling his fingers. You heave a breath and moan at the feeling while Jack stares up at you in awe. 
“You’re everything.” He says more to himself than you, as he watches you writhe and whimper at his fingers while holding the eye contact. He connects his lips with your clit again and suctions in a way that has your back arching and your moans getting louder and more high pitched with each type of attention Jack gives to your pussy. 
He switched his fingers and mouth and rubs your clit as he laps up your arousal as he feels you getting close. He takes that moment to switch back and locks eyes with you as his dark pink, wet lips attach to your clit again, softly sucking you closer to your tipping point.
“Oh, f-fuck I’m-“  
Your eyebrows knit and your eyes roll back at the sensations of his mouth and tongue and fingers and gaze. 
You spasm around his fingers and moan louder while Jack’s fingers guide you through your release. He licks up whatever he can before sitting and wiping his face with the back of his hand as you stare at him with hooded and tired eyes. 
“Feel better?” He has the nerve to ask as he runs a wet wipe up and between your legs. 
When did he even get that?
Your leg twitches in sensitivity after he’s finished. 
“Mm better.” Was all you could muster. All you wanted was to sleep and dream for days. 
Jack laughs softly at your state and checks the time. 
“I’ll need to head out soon. Team dinner.” He says as he fits another pair of underwear on you. You feel a pang in your chest and anxiety creeps up your spine, but Jack immediately shuts your thoughts down. 
“Hey, this doesn’t mean I’ll abandon you or anything. I’m goin’ cause I have to and I would take you but you look like you could use a nap. We can hang tomorrow?” He’s so soft and caring with you, cupping your cheek and smoothing his thumb over it. 
“Yeah okay.” You say and watch as he gets up, not before pressing a kiss to your forehead. 
“I won’t go anywhere, baby.” 
After the team dinner, when Jack got home and shut the door to his apartment, the first thing he did was call his older brother. Quinn was just the slightest, itty-bittiest bit more fortunate with girls, so Jack naturally went to him for tips here and there. 
A few minutes into the call, they exchanged formalities and talked about each others’ seasons before Quinn cut to the chase. 
“So? Is it a girl?”
Jack blanched. 
“I- well yes, but it’s different this time. Swear.”
“You say that every-time. But it does sound like it might be different.”
“Do you remember Dee from high school?”
“I don’t remember anything from high school.” Is it really that common to forget four years of your life?
“Yeah well. I met her again a few weeks ago. She was the one who used to take all the APs and she graduated early? She was like always tired and kinda funny. And she’s pretty. Like the natural kind of pretty. You’d look at her and want to give up the world for her kind of pretty. I don’t know.” Quinn listened quietly, detecting the hint of fear in Jack’s voice. 
“I might be, like obsessed with her. I think she knows.”
“Wait, wait, wait. She knows? That you like her? And you’re not together yet?” Jack didn’t deny it when he said that he liked her. 
“I-yes? I think so. She might be into me too and we did a thing earlier today and she flirts with me without even thinking about it? That’s gotta mean something right?”
“You did things with her?!She flirts with you?! Do something. But take it slow. She probably still wonders why you even give her the time of day. She likes you but she doesn’t know it yet.” Hearing his older brother say it untightened his chest. 
“I was going to kiss her but I really wanted to things slow with her. She’s been through a bit and, I don’t know, I want to treat her special.” He’s glad that he has a person he can say the cringiest shit to. If it was anyone else on the other line, he would get toasted for the rest of his life. Jack wore his heart on his sleeve and was smart at reading people and their emotions. But sometimes he was just clueless on what to do with that knowledge. 
We can hang tomorrow. 
Who the fuck says that after going down on someone. 
Jack didn’t text you that night.
Or the next morning. 
You started panicking slightly when you come home from classes. 
That had to have been the last straw for him. 
He’s a fucking superstar, he lives in the New York City area, where all the pretty models and blue eyed blondes live. Why the hell would he go for a tired med student from his home state who didn’t care about herself enough to care for him?
Your mind runs a marathon as the elevator doors open to your floor. But when you approach your apartment, Jack is sitting on the floor next to door, scrolling on his phone. 
You freeze and stare blankly as he realizes that you’re here.
He perks up and walks over to you pulling you into a light hug. 
“Hey, Dee. How were classes?”
“Good. Thanks for asking.” You reply, hesitantly wrapping your arms back around him. You weren’t hugged a lot as a kid or growing up. You’ve hugged more in the last two weeks than you have in your entire life. 
“I have a game later today. Wanna come? The other team…isn’t that good. We might win. Unless you have work to do. Or if you just don’t want to go that’s okay too. Or-“ he cuts off when you press a finger against his lips. 
“I’d love to go. I finished a lot of my work during classes.” You smile removing your fingers, relaxing in his arms. “When is it?” 
“At 7. I’ll pick you up, yeah?” 
“Yeah.” 
You both just stand there for a minute before you remember social cues. 
“So, come in? I’m hungry as fuck. We should eat.” You say pushing the door open, petting Nala as you walk in and Jack followed. He smiles at your awkwardness and accepts. 
Your look is acceptable. Hair clutched back, light makeup, hoodie and sweats is your go-to anyway. Plus, you’re always cold. 
You arrive at around quarter to seven and with the help of signs make your way to the lounge that Jack gave you a pass to. 
There’s a guard at the door that held his hand out for the pass and when you gave it to him he eyed you wearily. 
“You’re Hughes’ girl? Where did you get this?”
“Jack gave it to me.” 
“Uh huh.”
You furrow your eyebrows. “So can I go in?” 
“Sweetheart, Jack has only ever invited two other girls here and I can tell you right now, you’re not the third. Who gave you this pass?” 
The mention of Jack bringing other girls here makes you absolutely sick to your stomach. 
You might vomit. 
But anger bubbles up your throat and you’re about to press your finger into the guards chest and give him a piece of your mind, when there’s a patter of feet and an excited “Dee!” coming from your left. 
Jack has you in his arms already before you could register it. He tucks you into his shoulder, presses his lips against your temple, lingering, and faces the guard. 
“Was there a problem?” The guards mouth hangs open and flickers between the two of you. 
“None at all.” He opens the door and lets the two of you in. After he shuts the door and turns face you, you take a second to admire him. 
He’s dressed in his game jersey, shoulder pads and everything; except for his skates. 
He looks really good. 
“You look really good.” 
Silence. 
“Are you blushing?” 
Jack pulls you into his chest so you don’t see more of the pink adorning his cheeks. 
“Am not,” he mutters above your head and you giggle as you try to untangle from his grasp. 
You pull back and notice that he still has a tint on his cheeks. He holds your face for a moment, admiring every feature. Going from eye to eye, the slope of your nose, the dimple digging into your left cheek, a beauty mark on your chin, your lips. 
You feel your breath quickening when his thumb grazes your cheek and his eyes linger on your lips a little longer. 
A sharp knock on the door interrupted the two of you. 
“Warm ups in two!”
Jack sighed and looked back at you. 
“I need to go. You can watch from here.” He led you further into the room and you could hear the crowd getting louder as you got closer. He led you to a balcony where there were a few other people, and pecked your cheek before going back. 
The game starts and you’re more clueless that you thought you’d be. The puck was way too small and you didn’t bring your glasses, but you remember Jack telling you that he was ‘86’, so you tried to follow wherever he was. 
The girl next to you strikes up a conversation which you cautiously tread with, but you warm up soon. She tells you that she’s dating someone on the team. 
“Woah. That must be cool.” She looks confused. 
“Aren’t you Jack’s girl?”
“No? We’re friends. I think. He’s really nice to me.” Your new friend blinks before talking again. 
“He really likes you though, and you look like you really like him.” 
“Well of course I do. He treats me really well.” 
“Oh, babe. No. He like likes you. My boyfriend told me he talks about you all the time.” She holds your hand. You look down at it and back at her. You’re quiet for a moment. You’re not sure how to process that. 
“I’m not sure how to process that.”
“Well, do you like him? Love him even?” 
“I-“
You’re cut off by that awfully loud goal horn, and glance at the screen to see that Jack has scored. You felt a surge of pride in your chest and feel yourself smiling wide as Jack’s tiny figure skated around and fist bumped the players on the bench. He turns to your section for a moment, lingering for a sliver of a second and your heart stops. The game called for the face-off just a second later so he had to look away. 
You look over to the girl on your right and she’s already looking at you with a half smirk. 
Jack politely declined on drinks later in the locker room after the devils won. 
He leans against his car and thinks about you. He really wanted to see you, needed your affirmation. 
It’s all he seems to do now. Jack just wants reassurance and peace in knowing that you were there. He spent every waking moment thinking about you and how he got you to show sides of yourself that you don’t show to people. He tried to keep his personal life away from hockey but the way his instincts told him to look in your general direction after he scored made him sick to his stomach. 
He might actually be stupid obsessed with you. 
Trusting his gut on your body language and making a bold move the previous night may have been the best thing he’s ever done.
That means that he doesn’t need to be cautious with his flirting anymore. He knows exactly what he feels but he wants to wait til you come to that conclusion on your own. 
He didn’t notice your quiet footsteps in his direction and was mildly startled when you were standing in front of him. Almost at once, he felt a smile adorn his face. 
“That was so cool, I didn’t understand anything but I know you scored.” Your wide, twinkling eyes stared back up at him. “I’m proud of you.”
And that’s all it took for him to usher you into the back seat, strip off your sweatpants, and throw your legs over his shoulders. 
Not even ten minutes later, your lungs are dying for air and your body is covered in a thin sheet of sweat. He was rougher this time, sucking a hickey on your neck before, getting the entire bottom half of his face messy, his own hooded eyes losing focus as he pleasured you.  
“You back to me yet, baby?”
“Hm?” 
You open your eyes and you’re in the front seat, cleaned up, pants back on, and Jack is fastening your seatbelt for you. 
“I lost you for like, three minutes there. You okay?”
His voice is gentle and quiet, his index and thumb holding your chin softly as his azure eyes bore into yours. 
“Chipotle?”
He laughs, pulling back and shifting the gear into drive, his hair falling slightly in his face and he pushes it back. 
“All the chipotle in the world for my Dee.”
Your mind briefly flashed to how he kissed the tip of your nose before he went down on you, and not your lips.
You’re in Jack’s apartment now (your heart dropping when you thought of Nala, but then you remembered that you fed her quite well and she had to be passed out by now. Jack handed you a Hershey’s kiss to calm you down), and it’s big. 
Like, huge. 
Massive for someone who lives alone.
His TV was playing ‘How to lose a guy in 10 days’ and you were watching like a hawk. 
“I’ve never seen this one before.”
“Really? You don’t watch romcoms?” Jack looks at you surprised, sitting next to you with both of your chipotle orders and throwing a blanket over the two of you. 
“No. I don’t really get the time.” You furrow your brows and turn to him with a blank expression. “You’ve showed me so much fun in the last few weeks. Thank you.”
Jack could happily die in that moment. He flashes back to yesterday again, your childlike wonder, the new things he learnt about you. 
“‘S nothing yet. There’s so much more you deserve to feel happy about.” He kisses your temple before getting closer to you. 
You both watch in silence for a while, occasionally laughing and aw-ing, until you can’t hold it back anymore. 
“Do you think kissing is unhygienic?”
You look up to him, his unbuttoned shirt, messy hair and lingering smile making your heart skip a beat. 
Oh no. 
You have such a horrible, fat crush on him.
“Hm?”
“I-nothing.”
“M’kay.”
Sweet boy is not a multitasker and the movie was at a really good part, so he didn’t really get distracted and soon you were engrossed too. 
You were still in a cloud of feelings and it was getting a bit much for you. Your head was usually void of emotion, so the change was welcome. And you had Jack to thank for that. He’s done so much for you, taken care of you in ways that no one has and no one ever will. 
You realize that he could be your worst heartbreak or someone that’s going to be in your life forever. 
You feel slightly sick thinking about it and you need to get it out of your system. 
“Can I suck you off?” Your lips lightly brush his ear. 
Now that. 
That gets Jack’s attention. 
He nearly snaps his neck to turn to face you and your noses touch. 
“You- I- what?”
Your fingertips are feathery as you brush the hair out of his face. 
“I want to suck your dick.”
“You don’t- if this is to- to reciprocate or something-“
“I promise it’s not. I really just want to.”
Jack is already semi-hard and he can feel his dress pants tighten. His eyes briefly widen and he borderline gulps before he watches your hand run down his chest and toy with his belt buckle. As soon as he gives you the green light and pauses ‘How to lose a guy in 10 days’, you’re on your knees in front of him, just like how he was with you the previous night. 
Jack’s sanity is once again lost as he watches you on your knees for him. You make a quick work of his belt buckle and pull down his dress pants just enough. 
You can already see how loaded he is through his boxers and look back up at him with the same wide eyes that he goes crazy over. 
“Cool.” 
Jack barely has time to react over your concise approval of his length before you’re mouthing over his boxers, sucking softly, leaving Jack gasping for a breath. 
You pull down his boxers and start working immediately, pumping him and wetting your hands slightly so you have more friction. 
“Y’know, it’s crazy—I know what all of these veins are called.” You say, more to yourself but Jack’s half smile drops when you lay your tongue flat against his shaft and suck on his tip. He lets out an embarrassing sound between a staggered breath and a whimper as you make your way down. Your cheeks hollow out as you make eye contact with him, making sure you’re getting it right. You come off and continue with your hands and look up at him. 
“Good?”
“F- Christ- fuck, so good, baby. So good.” 
Happy with yourself, you continue to suck him clean while he chokes out moans and his stomach clenches. You can feel him getting heavier in your mouth and you start speeding up, using both of your hands. 
There’s a moment when he reaches forward to push your hair out of your face, so that you don’t get bothered and so that he sees you properly, which warms your heart. 
He taps one of yours hands that’s on him to indicate that he’s close and you pull back with a kitten lick to his tip before sticking your tongue out.
You have Jack seeing stars when his load pumps into your mouth, and your eyes dart over his shirt clinging to his chest, his hair falling into his screwed shut eyes, his lips parted and his hand gripping the sofa with such intensity that his veins pop out. 
You tuck him back into his clothing after cleaning him up, and he looks at you with tired eyes while making grabby hands. 
You chuckle, climbing into his arms and he slumps his body against you, both of you now lying down on the couch as he unpauses the movie. 
His head rests comfortably against your chest, one of your hands running through his hair, and the other intertwined with his. 
It’s sweet. 
Jack wakes up alone and panics at once. It’s embarrassing, really; like finding out your stuffed animal fell to the floor during your sleep as a toddler. But when he checks his messages, he finds a text from you. 
Hey, I had to leave. I have a project due tomorrow and also Nala :( We can meet up later. I had fun yesterday. Thank you :))
It’s hits Jack how gone he is when he finds himself clutching his phone to his heart. 
It takes a while. 
He comes home fresh from morning practice took a nice long nap to clear his head before waking up properly to see that it was raining outside. 
He was enjoying (not) the protein shake that he was required to drink and mindlessly scoring through plays from an old game, when it hits him like a sack of bricks. 
Do you think kissing is unhygienic? 
You think he doesn’t want to kiss you. 
You think he’s toying with your heart by showing you all kinds of affection besides the one thing that both of you wanted so fucking bad. 
You think he doesn’t like you enough to do that yet. 
The drive to yours was smooth despite the rain pouring down from every direction, and because you always reminded him of road safety. 
You were standing outside of the apartment building, looking like you were having an argument with.. your tiger. 
Your hands were on your hips, body soaked and hair wet as you tried to coax Nala into shelter. 
Jack laughed at both of your antics which got your attention. Your mind flashes back to the day that you met him, the pouring rain, and how awkward it was to meet someone you knew from a while back. You wave at him happily as he approached, but noticed a hint of  anxiety and embarrassment. 
“What’s wro-?“
“Are you into poetry?”
“Uh, sometimes? Why?”
“This- well, I can’t read it. Here.” 
He hands over his phone, stuffs his hands in his pockets and looks at anything but you. Puzzled, you cover his phone from the pelting droplets so you could read. 
‘The first time you caught my eye
it was not love at first sight. 
Instead a quiet curiosity was
planted in my chest and I knew
it was only a matter of time before 
you sunk beneath my bones and
nurtured this deep seated familiarity
into a love so fierce that I would question
if I had ever been in love before.’
Lyra Wren. 
You read it again. 
There’s no way he actually searched for a poem to depict how he felt. 
“Look, I didn’t understand half of it hit you get the-“
Jack was cut off by our lips against his. 
It was short, maybe a second long, closed mouth, but you pulled away breathless and were close enough to feel his heart racing underneath his clothes. 
How desperately he wanted your cold, soft lips against his again. 
“So, you like me? For who I am?”
He nods. 
“Are you sure? ‘Cause I-“ 
You were interrupted by Nala’s whine (to say: I change my mind, I want to go inside), and you give Jack his phone, grab his hand and pull him inside. 
“C’mon, we’ll get pneumonia.”
Your hands were still in each others, his engulfing yours, when you shut the door to your apartment, locked it, watched Nala bound to her room, and turned to face him again properly. 
He was so, so close. Your lips were parted, just inches apart, your foreheads touching. 
He closed the gap this time, almost groaning in relief when he felt your mouth properly against his, something you both yearned for without realizing. His lips move against yours gently, savoring as much of you as he can. He nips your bottom lip and it has you and Jack smiling into the kiss. And then it’s a mess, teeth clashing, giggling, tongues lolling over another, one of his hands cupping your face and the other wrapped around your waist, but it feels like everything you’ve ever wanted. 
You pull back. 
“I love you more.”
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