#which wouldnt be as big of a thing if shit didnt hit the fan the gathering after they joined

[arolesbianism]

I've been messing around with clangen a bit. Bet y'all cant guess what happened

[goqmir]

i kind of like maybe just a little adore the new clue set cards like. the clue set itself is a weird and overpriced product and the physical cards themselves are definitely gonna be stupid overpriced because nobody wants to buy a board game to crack packs but like. the cards themselves? kind of fire?

i kind of adore that theyre not just all rares and we are getting clue set commons and stuff :3 its cute! and we're getting a new lonis too-- its not a super interesting card but i adore lonis and im very excited to play with more of her. and we get an interesting new land cycle in the cluelands too! the art for them kinda blows at the moment but at some point in the future i assume they'll be reprinted in a set that gives them fun and interesting art? maybe? please? im not exactly itching to play them but ill never turn down another cycle of duals teehee

id love to talk about some individual cards from the lineup so far that i adore! these are just my top picks but id recommend going and looking at the full list spoiled so far on scryfall :3

for starters, my favorite card from the whole spoiler season right now i think has to be scuttling sentinel. i dont think i want to play her in any commander deck, but in my opinion this is like one of the top cards for cubes in 2024 period-- like cankerbloom tier of cube card. she's awesome! a crab elf which is such an awesome creature type, playable with green or blue, puts 1/1 counters on things and its main draw is just being a decent body that offers protection :) she's great!!!! ive already slotted her into the cube ive been piecing together recently. i like her a lot.

resonance technician is such a cool spell copier <3 every part of it is kind of expensive so im not really sure where youd play it but it does a lot of cool things all at once on a single card which is fun! the flavor is cool-- we all love weirds here-- and the functionality is useful and cute. cool card. big fan

we also have portal manipulator who is like one of the weirdest and strongest combat tricks ive ever seen? this is like if aetherize also fucked your shit in. so i can absolutely see this seeing a lot of play honestly. but lets be real here this card just has amazing art. thheres portals around her skull !!! god shes so cool.

corporeal projection gets a shoutout because what a fun effect <3 it being izzet is awesome and on-flavor and the card itself is both an interesting choice to give your creature myriad for extra damage and a fun wincon :) im glad theres a simple and convenient way to give one creature myriad now that isn't a brick to run in my commander decks because it has a high-cost endgame mode. yay!

finally it wouldnt be a goqmir set review if i didnt shout out the new cards that work well in Naya Cast From Exile :3 Boros Strike-Captain seems kind of mid but it's important to remember that the card never goes away, and you can cast it any time after when you attack with at least 3 creatures even if BSC is off the battlefield. big fan of this one! im not sure if i can find the space to jam him in my Rocco Street Chef decklist but he's a very playable option.

Personally, i think Headliner Scarlett is the winner this set. She's a very good hit pretty much any time-- you're always gonna get a minimum of 4 free damage when she sticks, and if you play her early you get some pretty strong card advantage, which turns into very very strong card advantage in both Rocco and Prosper. if you pull her late, she can win you the game straight up by allowing you to swing out uninhibited-- though i can't speak for Prosper players, this will pretty much always be at minimum a knock out if you pull it lategame in Rocco. definitely making room for her in my decklist.

anyway thats just some cards i liked from the weird product thats coming out :3 i was and still am iffy on purchasing the product and expect the cards to be a little too expensive but as far as designs go they're pretty cool and im very happy that they exist! um sqrrk <3

[tired-demonspawn]

netflix avatar episode 4 :D!!!

my funky lil thoughts and feelings.. if you even care

okay i dont really know how to feel about this episode

i liked most of it, both katara and sokka going thru the secret tunnel plot and zuko rescuin iroh plot i really liked. my issues mostly lie with bumi i s'pose.

i dont really like this depressed-pessimistic version of him. not that he doesnt make great points and i 100% get where he's coming from but i dunno it just rubs me the wrong way. im sure that a first time viewer(as in someone who hasnt seen the cartoon) wouldnt have an issue with it. i guess it was as good a reason as any to have him and aang fight, though i wouldve liked the lil trickery yknow. was a big fan of "choose your fighter" "lmao wrong choice bucko" yknow?

im afraid a lot of people will shit on this portrail of bumi. id be sad to see that, i mean yeah it does stray far from the original, but i dont think its a particularly bad direction. do i not like it? yeah. but sure hope it's not gonna get too much hate :(

i really like his rolling stone ass throne, its neat. plus omashus whole arabian nights ass rizz, really like that. also the crystal growing effect??? shit looked fucking stunning. the first encasing of aangs feet i mean. really liked how they grew almost like a plant of some sort.

i really like zuko infiltration, the whole bit where he absolutely rolls a nat 20 deception check. don’t really like that a guy had to tell him like “so what are you gonna choose” tho.

if I recall correctly yea in the cartoon someone also asks him this but that was his subordinate, asking smthn like “what are your orders sir”??? or maybe it was just silent show don’t tell??? im really sorry i havent seen the show in a while i dont recall. point is i dont like that the guard says it to him like that, in that context, really dont like that.

lu ten funeral scene is something i didnt know i needed, but damn, it hits a lot of the nice spots.

moving onto kataras and sokkas sidequest, really liked how sokka got into the whole music thing and then pretended like nothing happened, loved that lil bit of commedy.

they made oma and shu lesbians... i would say love wins but the point of that story was decidedly not love winning. it was scaring a fuckton of people into peace via stone magic.

only reason im forgiving sokka seeing some funky shiny rocks of the wall and figuring out they prbly glow in the dark is cuz they decided to change the answer to that particular riddle... which i will not forgive. the glowing rocks were a perfectly fine answer to the riddle, you didnt need to make up a different one.

"says the girl who fell for a terrorist" LMAO GET HER ASS!!!!

now, for my closing thoughts: SECRET TUNNEEEELLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!! SECRET TUNNEELLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THROUGH THE MOUNTAIN!!!!!!!!! SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET TUNNEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wqk-k]

Obey Me Brother react to an idol!MC

 hi this is my first set of headcanons for the brothers  👉👈 i apologize if the brothers are ooc in this, though i tried my best jksajdufhj. i hope you enjoy!

++++

Warning(s): Cursing

Reader Pronouns: They/Them (4A)

Background: MC is a very popular idol in their world, best known for their impressive singing skills, music and the amount of rewards they have recieved because of their talents. Surprisingly, they aren’t only popular in their world, but in the Devildom and Celestial Realm as well.

++++

Lucifer

since lucifer didnt actually read who you were on the paper that had blown to his feet, he had no idea you were an idol at first

but after couple days at RAD, he noticed that random demons kept coming up to you in between classes and didnt leave until the next class started

most of them had come up to you with a pen and some paper asking for your autograph

he was just like ??? 

after a while of this happening luci decided to just ask you straight up why they were coming up to you like that and you had told him you were an idol back in the human realm

that explains it

he honestly doesnt mind

if people start hating on you in public, he’ll honestly just shoot them a death glare and it works

so damn well

he got too much pride to deal with those underlings

if you start working on music/mv projects that you left off on in the human realm (like shooting mv or singing) he will absolutely rent you a recording booth or fuck, even a whole ass theatre if you needed it

sometimes he likes to sit in the recording booth and listen to you sing for a bit before returning to his stacks of mammon’s bills 

v proud of you dont get him wrong

but he will make sure you’ve done all your homework first LMAO 🛌

Mammon

when mammon first found out you were an idol he started digging through boxes that had been in his closet

after what seemed like hours he finally found the box he was looking for and he started to dig through it

he pulled out an old camera that levi gave him a couple hundred years ago bc he said he didnt need it

mammon had the best idea ever, he could sell pictures of you to your fans for at least 10,000 grimm each.

surprisingly it worked

like really well

so well that you found out

you confronted him about it, saying that you find hella uncomfy with him snapping pictures of you at random times. not only that but it was an invasion of your privacy

despite him earning so much grimm, he agrees to stop but keeps some of the pictures to himself to look at when he misses you 

if you get hate in public he’ll turn into his demon form and scare the person away, maybe scaring you in the procees but apologizes right away if he does

if you start working on music/mv projects he’ll offer to help you shoot mvs or record you singing if you need the help

just make sure he gets some credit for helping you

but he genuinely thinks you look amazing in anything, like anything

you could be wearing a big bird cosplay and he’ll think you look breathtaking

gets you to model w him sometimes

Leviathan

wait you look really familiar

really really familiar

you almost look and sound like that one really popular human idol that hes simped for time and time again

wait

oh shit

v embarrassed when he finds out it is actually you and gets really nervous when hes talking to you

is the demon asking for your autograph

but you have no idea how much power you have over this man

you could tell him to come out of his room and he’d come out with ease, no protesting, no nothing

may ask you to record a ringtone for him for when he wakes up

even after months of you two knowing each other, he still gets flustered when you start talking to him with your stupid cute ass eyes and your perfect hair and your perfect voice and your perfect-

yeah you get the point AKJSDKLASFBG

if you get hate in public he will deadass growl at the person before escorting you to your favorite ice cream place

if you start working on music/mv projects he will be by your side 24/7

he wants to see the god/ess themselves at work

hes like your personal butler for the time youre working on the projects and its adorable

hes bby

Satan

when he finds out youre an idol he will 100% voulenteer to help you write lyrics for your next song

but besides that, like luci, he really doesnt mind

he hears some other demons talking shit about you after art class and he’ll be angy as usual, but after stomping off and accidentally bumping into you he just

turned into puddy??

idk what it was but it was something abt they way your hair was a lil messed up and looking at him like that wish a small embarrassed look

just wow

every ounce of anger just evaporated while you apologized over and over again because the face he was making made him look like he was angry for some reason 

when he snaps back into reality he says its cool but then asks if youd like to go to the library w him because honestly youre his safe haven now

sometimes he asks you to hum a tune for him when hes reading

if the demons start hating again, you may need to hold him back KJASNDJFG 

if you start working on music/mv projects, again, will voulenteer for helping with lyrics

if you already have the lyrics down he’ll review them and give constructive critisisim if needed

or he’ll just write every lyric himself and you can judge it after hes done

Asmodeus

is not surprised at all

hes actually heard some of your songs and damn id he doesnt have them on his “on repeat” playlist on devilfy

he thinks you have an outstanding voice, not only that but youre a gorgeous lookin thing

asmo likes to hit on you a lot because he likes to see that flustered look on your face but he would never over your boundaries

he wouldnt want to be over the internet bc he made one of the most praised artists in devildom (thats not even a demon) angry

asmo doesnt want to be cancelled yet JKSJKDGFUA

but seriously, he thinks youre amazing

like really amazing

there like no lust involved in his admiration for you he just geniunely thinks youre cool

but he does think you look amazing 24/7

will ask you to model things for him for devilgram

if you get hate in public, he’ll hold your hands and shower you with compliments and tells you to ignore them

if you start working on music/mv project he will insist on doing backup vocals or being a backup dancer

or like the head backup dancer or whatever theyre called

is like your personal stylist wherever you go as well

along with that he can also help you come up with a beat for your song if you need one, he is more than happy to help someone like you

Beelzebub

he honestly thinks youre really cool

asmo showed him one of your songs before and thought it sounded really catchy

not only that, you sounded beautiful, almost like you were actually from the celestial realm, consider him a fan

so when you showed up for the new exchange program he was surprised but got really giddy

was one of the demons who asked for your autograph

you gave him a sweet smile after he asked and he just- melted

man down man down

will want to spend lost of time with you and take you to ristorante six on fridays as his treat

you usually end up paying though which he feels really guilty about but you tell him its fine

youre an idol who is loaded to the chest, youve got nothing to lose KLSKADJHF

if you get hate in public he’s also the type to death glare but people dont really hate on you in public when youre w him bc he has a naturally scary aura

lowkey thought you wouldnt like him at first :(

if you start working on mv/music projects he’ll start cooking you meal and making sure you get enough water

will absolutely cook your favorite meal- or any meal in fact- if you request it

if you dont request anything he’ll just wing it and make something he think you’ll like kjskdhsf

Belphegor

couldnt care less  🧍

he thinks your voice is pretty nice tho

hears beel listening to your music once and agrees w him on you having a really nice voice

lowkey sing him to sleep

like its super cute

plus he thinks youre gorgeous?? like wow you rlly pretty

once tried rubbing your face bc he thought you were wearing makeup but when nothing came up on his thumb he muttered a small “wow” and hugged you

it was the cutest thing ever ohmy god KJSJDSIF

ever since that day hes obtained a habit of rubbing your face when he finds you stunning or at random moments

if you get hate in public he will literally murder the person?? but in like an alleyway or something

he’ll say something like “wait here” and walks toward a dark area to do his thang

when he comes back he’s covered in this red shit and you worry for him but he just glosses over it and takes you into a pillow shop LMAO

he is v protective over you

if you start working on mv/music projects he’ll occasionally help out but most of the time he’s sleeping so he doesnt really care 

sometimes he’ll give beat/lyric suggestions or help flim the mv but thats it  🧍  

++++

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: If it's not too much to ask, can I have headcanons for omega Shouto with an alpha s/o? Nsfw or sfw is up to you! Love your writing, love! 💞💞💞

I've been waiting for this moment for fucking W E E K S

Thank you 😌

And this is gonna be HELLA long :)

SFW-

• Sof boy

• He's quiet and can have an intimidating demeanor but he's a baby and he WEAK for you

• I mean the first day he saw you, he felt something

• At first he thought you were another omega

• You were shorter than him and the smile you sported the first day had him fooled

• It wasn't long before he realized you were an Alpha

• You and a few of the other Alpha females of the class were particularly protective of the omega females

• specifically you and Mina

• It came as no surprise that you ended up in the Bakusquad later on

• You didnt exclude the few omega males either

• When he first meets you, like actually meets you, is when he realizes you're an Alpha, based on smell alone

• You smell like Sandlewood and Chai and he LOVES it

• It makes his knees weak

• and you're just so soft?

• Like you have that calm that good Alphas posses and you use it often

• And when you use it for him one day, because he was freaking out, he thinks he's gonna pass out

• It took him WEEKS to realize the pangs in his chest werent physical

• He liked you

• and he doesn't feel like waiting around so he courts you instead and when you look surprised he isnt sure what to feel

• And then regret and dread fill him and he wishes he could just be normal with social cues and interactions

• And you realize he's zoned out a little, shaking and it looks like he's going to cry and you use that stupid Alpha thing on him

• You coo softly and pull him into your chest, telling him it was okay

• And he feels like he's gonna die again but he loves it so much and he's SO relieved when you accept his courting

• When you hugged him he realizes just how touch starved he is

• Anyway that's hour the powercouple of 1-A began

• He's not a big fan of PDA but he's not opposed to holding your hand

• Or sometimes he's had a bad day or he's not feeling the best mentally and he won't care he just wants to be with you

• Will 100% walk into bakusquad hang out in the common room just to hide his face in your shoulder

• Or sit next to you quietly

• You'll wrap an arm around him and press a kiss to his temple while you continue your conversation with Sero and Denki

• Listen they think it's the CUTEST fucking thing

• Because it is. It really is.

• Bakugou pretends it grosses him out but it really doesnt

• He honestly thinks it's a lil cute too and mentally swears that if his BF dont treat him the way you treat yours he dont want him

• Yall will help eachother study

• Because he's good at math but you're good at english

• So it balances out

• And training. Lots of sparring.

• You're also the one to calm him down

• Todoroki tends to beat himself up a lot over his 'daftness'

• He doesn't always pick up on social cues or know how to keep a conversation

• And he hates that because he feels that sometimes it makes people feel uncomfortable and they're his friends and he doesnt want that

• So it'll get to him and sometimes if he over thinks it too much he'll start to panic

• You told him that whenever he felt like that, he came to see your it he called you

• He feels like it's a burden but when he see's the look of love in your eyes and the way you hold him and kiss his cheeks, he doesnt feel like that anymore

• He's so happy with you???

• and he loves you so much

• Y'all are just so disgusting

• Sappy as fuck but also the right level of completely roasting eachother

• It's nice:)

• He cooks for you no doubt

• You make him Soba when he's sad

• When you're sad he'll hold you against his chest and whisper in your ear to counter whatever you had just said

• If you ever feel mediocre it less than him he'll tell you why you're absolutely not less than him

• Ys fights aren't really super serious but it can still get a little heated, it never ends it break ups though

• It usually ends in taking a few hours to calm down (Todoroki refuses to let either of yall go to sleep angry with a problem unresolved) then talking it out and at least TRYING to come to a compromise

• Usually it's about wellbeing matters (overworking and being reckless and what not)

• Going full Alpha if someone fucks with him in battle 🤪

• Going full Alpha if you see him hurt on the field 🤪

• Snapping at Endeavor that one time 🤪

• Him going feral that one time you and Bakugou got SNATCHED 🤪

• Oops 🤪

• LISTEN

• You show him memes and Vines and junk and you teach him about them and one day he just makes a reference but he's completely deadpan about it and you're laughing so hard you fall out of your chair because HOLY SHIT

• He grins a lil

• His alpha laughed at his joke🥺

• S c e n t i n g

• Todoroki loves smelling like you

• He'll steal your hoodies (the oversized ones you have anyway)

• OR he'll have you scent some of his things because he's gonna smell like you dammit

• also gives you a box of your things that he's scented and you dont even mind because Todo smells so good and it's gonna make him happy so hell yeah

• For him Scenting can either be really calming or erotic

• To wind down he'll sit on your bed and you'll be on his lap, scenting him and it just makes him feel so calm

• Will fall asleep

• When he gets really comfortable with kissing he'll be constantly pecking your lips and kissing the nape of your neck when no ones is paying attention

• Once while you were on the couch with Bakusquad, he was walking by with dekusquad to go out and do whatever nerd shit they do

• And he stopped where you were, moved your hair to the side and pressed a soft kiss to the back of your neck and then just. Walked away.

• needless to say you short circuited

• and he does that often

NSFW-

• I once read about Sub/Bottom Todoroki and

• I can't stop thinking about it bc it lowkey works so well

• I feel like he'd be a switch though

• Like somedays he want to be wrecked by his Alpha

• But sometimes he wants to see you squirming and breathless underneath him

• He'd probably prefer to sub/bottom tho

• As I said before scenting can either be really calm for him or it can be erotic and like an immediate turn on for him

• So when it is like sexy time, and you're scenting, this man doesnt stand a chance

• He's whimpering and he's so hard it hurts

• He's got his neck bared for you and his face is read

• It smells like pure sex in the room, its really strong and you both LOVE it

• One time he gets hit by a heat inducing quirk

• And you help him with that because it so much worse than regular heat and you can tell its hurting him

• And he smells so fucking good

• Before he really lost all sense he managed to put a collar on you you couldn't mark him, your Alpha wasn't pleased with that

• Anyway Todoroki gets fucked into the mattress repeatedly, mewling and crying out and he's so fucking pleased with your hips rutting into his

• he feels so full and his omega is fucking KEENING because if the attention he's getting

• You're either leaning over him or you've got your hands on his waist

• He's never been more thankful for the stretching you've made him do so he wouldn't pull muscles

• After a week of the two of you going MIA, the two of you timidly return to 1A

• At some point the teachers (and endeavor) had found out.

• But what were they going to do? You two weren't on school grounds, you weren't breaking any rules

• Endeavor sure as hell isn't going to interfere

• I feel like even Endeavor would understand the gravity of the situation and that the only way to help his son was let him and his Alpha take care of it

• and as long as he's not officially marked by the end of it, he doesn't care

• Shouto does, however, have a shit ton of hickies and scratches and bruises. Everytime he looks at them his omega keens again and he loves it

• Like, Hickies on his jawline. Hickies on his arm and the back of his neck, on his thighs and stomach

• Bruises on his wrists and hips and thighs

• Like all this shit is visible

• He reassured you after you apologized profusely for like 2 hours that it was FINE and he LIKED it

• His class had a fuckin stroke

• especially Deku

• Bakusquad is lowkey impressed bc holy fuck YOU did that???

• 'You seemed so Vanilla'

• Lmao sikeee

• Todoroki learned a lot about what he liked during that

• He likes having his hair pulled

• He likes being praised and told how good he is

• He likes being DENIED what he wants until he's BEGGING for it in short and broken gasps, moans, and sobs.

• He likes Sharp and rough sex followed by something sweet and slow

• He probably wouldnt be on board with being degraded really, which is fine bc I cant imagine anyone who would want to degrade this boy

• From then on you do tend to help him with heats they just dont last as long

• He really likes grinding

• Just like all forms of it

• Making out? He's going to have you grinding on him while you're sitting on his lap

• He's horny and you're busy? He'll ride your thigh while you're doing work on the computer

• He felt like Domming today? He's going to grind himself on you while he's still got pants on.

• Laying in bed? He'll hump and grind against your thigh while you smile and kiss him.

• He just really loves it

• /Thourougly/ enjoys foreplay

• one of his favorite parts about sex

• When he doms- he starts out a little nervous unless he's in a mood but he'll quickly fall into it

• His voice is just so suited for being a Dom like wtf

• He'll lean down and whisper in your ear

• 10/10 dirty talk

• Uses his body as sex appeal to make you squirm

• will cuff you

• Will tie you up

• He'll not let you touch until your like really close

• He likes to see you come undone underneath him

• He thinks you're so pretty when you've got drool dribbling down your chin with your eyes lidded and face red

• He thinks your moans are the best

• I don't see him as being particularly loud in bed until he's actually a mess

• so it starts off as quiet groans and silent moans but as it goes on he'll get louder

• in heat though he's VERY loud

• Let's say you're in the middle, it depends on what's happening

• Y'all have the perfect balance of absolute filth and it's never boring :)

[angeloncewas]

yeah i totally agree with what you said about satire and schlatt basically taking the easy way out. it seems like since that video he's kinda eased back from doing that shit, either bc the backlash or bc his friends have started verbally calling him out on it, both to his face and through making comments about him on stream (comments as in like saying they dont agree with what he did and saying they thought that video was terrible, not like them shading him or whatever ajsksk) which is good but also i wouldnt be surprised if something like that video happened again just bc like. it is his career and at this point he has to know what his larger fanbase is like to an extent, which means he also knows those terrible fucking jokes will make him money. i dont like that, but im also not gonna sit around and pretend like i cant see the fucking obvious, ya know? from what ive seen of him when he's not putting on a show for his main channel, or when he isnt around people who both encourage and enable his bad behavior (not saying this to shift blame, ive just noticed how he goes from making actually funny jokes that are harmless or, at most, a pretty obvious example of him poking fun at shitty people, at least imo, to like. straight up just being offensive when he's with people like swagger, miz, etc. vs ted, charlie and so on), he seems like a pretty good guy and its pretty clear to me that he doesnt hold the same views as the character he plays up for his main channel but that doesnt change the fact that his audience is now full of the worst kinds of people and that is how he makes money.

as someone who, again, watched idubbbz, as well as filthyfrank, they both stated they were playing characters and they didnt agree with the shit they were joking about, joji especially, but them saying that isnt very well known by even their own fanbase who just watches their main channel stuff, bc the one video where joji made that explicitly clear what he was doing, he later deleted for people harassing him in the comments (it was an old ass video where he basically said that playing those characters was giving him literal health problems, specifically stress induced seizures, and his comments were so bad that he never made an ooc video on his main channel again) and the one video i can think of where ian explicitly said he was playing a character was like an hour long podcast with h3, which most people dont even wanna watch bc it is a painfully uncomfortable one hour, considering the fact that they are supposed to be friends. besides that, the only other time they were really out of character was in vlogs with maxmoefoe, and they still did their offensive bits from time to time bc it was still going up on youtube, even if it wasnt their main channel. compare that to schlatt who has, as far as i know, never explicitly said he's playing a character, and the closest he has gotten to saying that was in some weekly slap video that i cant remember the title of bc all those videos kinda blend together if im being honest. like they definitely show a different, better side of him, but they are also all really short videos with only gameplay to watch and he never even promotes the channel, so its not like the shitty people watching him are like "hm time to take some time out of my day to go watch big man schlatt give people advice and be a genuine person for once", right?

idk. schlatt is just such a weird person for me bc like. he is a big comfort for me, i really do enjoy his content when he's not making bad stabs at satire (bc sometimes he does it right!! but a lot of the time, at least recently, he has just missed the mark entirely, to the point where it feels like he wasnt even trying to hit the mark at all), but he is also so uncomfortable to watch sometimes just bc he seems to either not know where the line is, or thinks crossing it is okay bc its him playing a character and that's not fun to watch as a minority who often ends up being apart of that "punchline".

that aside tho...yes, unfortunately idubbbz does still make content (and i say unfortunately bc it is not very good) though it seems like he is very slow to upload and last i checked, the views arent too great, but ive seen worse. probably the only thing that could bring back his views at this point would be a content cop, but like a year or so back he said he has no plans of continuing the series bc he finds it boring now, which is fair enough. i dont really keep up with him anymore, but as far as i know, he just got married to anisa and he streams on twitch sometimes, besides that the dude is a mystery to me!

—🦷 (also im sorry if this is formatted weird, for whatever reason tumblr has indented each of my paragraphs with one of those grey line thingys and it wont let me remove it. if it doesnt show up in the actual ask then ignore this!)

This is kind of old now (sorry), but I still wanted to respond because I really appreciate your perspective :)

> I always wonder how people not involved in the fandom view Schlatt. Because wasn't there this thing about Hasan genuinely thinking that he was conservative? And like he obviously doesn't now, but does that not impact how he sees him and his content? I don't mean to dictate friendships - of course - I'm just curious as to the impact of having that audience from an outsider pov. I remember being shocked what that thing happened with the pdp fan, but I later found that many people weren't because they knew the nature of the audience he cultivated; maybe I'm just stupid, I had no idea. (Not that Schlatt and pdp are the same, it's just a loose comparison.)

> No one should face harassment, but I doubt Joji deleting that video helped his case. (I mean ig it worked out in the long term considering everything that happened with his music, but yk.) I'm very sorry for the health problems he faced with the characters themselves though. I don't know much about him but that sounds awful.

> I have thoughts on The Weekly Slap, but I think they make me sound bitter and don't add much so just know that they're there ajfdkjdf. I will say that he doesn't seem like "Jschlatt" in them, and moreso just a guy. I know that he quit it for a number of reasons and one of them was not being comfortable with that kind of connection in relation to his increasing fame, but honestly I think his complete dislodgement from his fanbase isn't healthy either.

> I mean, I get it. I've watched a lot of content from a lot of people - ranging from kind of unpleasant to very unsavory - and it's kind of a weird feeling with YouTube and Twitch stuff. Idk it's like - when I go to the grocery store, I'm not wondering if the guy checking my things out is a racist. When I see a commercial, I don't wonder if that guy advertising chicken nuggets is a secret creep. But with content creation of this kind, it's just a weird thought in the back of my mind. I don't know if this makes sense lmao

> Weird that Idubbz finds content cop "boring." I guess the formula is kind of stale and half of the content was the edge, but it seems like the kind of thing that'd be perfect to capitalize off of around now. Cool that he got married... I think. I mean if he's happy ???

> Don't mind the formatting, and sorry to respond like WAY past when this conversation was relevant T_T. I read it right away but the timing got off with actually being able to type stuff out.

[cosmosrival]

Rico besides Kama what do you think about the other indian servants?????

AHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS GOING TO GET SOOOO LONG!!!! i have a different view of the indo fam as a whole. i call them the indo fam but i mean the found family trope!!!! theyre like a group of college students sharing a dorm if that makes sense, since their servant selves are obviously different from their initial myths/human vessels!!!

OK SO. RECENTLY, i have an oomf that found books about arjuna that summarize his exploits in the mahabharata(I DONT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO READ IT ALL IM SO SORRY) and also talk about him in a more philosphical manner such as his states of mind during each event etc and i’ve been meaning to read said book because im genuinely interested in arjuna now!!! and i’d like to know more about this indo prince because from what i’ve seen, he is portrayed in a rather bad light(?) in FGO which i find extremely !!!!!!!!!!! and incrdibley !!!!!!! strange !!!!!!! the mahabharata’s conflicts can be put in a mostly grey area where there’s no good nor bad, its not black and white. so seeing arjuna get bashed because of the way his conflict with karna was written is... hm. let’s say that im REALLY starting to understand arjuna fans that dislike seeing him get mischaracterized so much. OTHER THAN THAT, his design is adorable, his travel outfit is my favourite because he deserves to relax and have some fun!!! fgo making him a chuuni is cute and his VAs little moans are cute cute cute!!!!!!!!!!! (mash grabs my shoulder and forces me to sit down) i think that arjuna deserves better and im really happy to see him have fun in his travel costume voicelines. i think we should take arjun on a date!!! he’s a great lover, we’d have the best time!! OH ALSO, kama seeing him as the student council president in their interlude makes me SOOOOOOO HAPPY its unreal, i think it fits him very very well, the seitokaichou who was elected because of everyone’s hopes and recommended by teachers because he’s suuuch a good student but because of that, the pressure to be good is constantly towering over his head and everytime he looks out the window he wishes he could ditch class and skip a day just because he felt like going to the arcade and be a bad student.......just this once........i think hes very very cute...... i want him to cook for me. HAVE YO U READ HIS BOND 4 VOICELINE ?mmmmmggg i want him to get embarrassed everytime i praise him for having such a muscular waistline. AUG

ANEWAYS i also have quite the thoughts about karna, his characterization in the game is linked to arjuna’s and thats fine but i think that forgetting how much of a little sassy bastard he can get was a mistake! did you know that in apocrypha’s german dub on netflix, when jeanne calls his name like “You’re Karna, aren’t you ? The son of the Indian Sun God !” HES LIKE “So ?” AND THAT WAS SOOOO BITCHY OF HIM, i think that karna is a good boy in fgo but the fact that he was such a fighty old man in the mahabharata shouldnt be forgotten and is a charm trait. I MEAN ???? HE THREW HANDS WITH AN 18 YEAR OLD(ARJUN) WHILE BEIN LIKE... THIRTY TWO. WHATS WITH THIS ANNOYING OLD MAN !!!!! knowing these little facts about him made me like him so much more actually !! i think karna being so nice is adorable!! but the little bitchy energy u can find in his voicelines is also very charming!! i think karna looking at me emotionless as i ask him to lend me his notes for the nth time that week and then saying “...Mn.” when i thank him is cute!!! his voiceline towards things he dislikes is interesting to me. karna seeming aloof and mean bc he doesnt know how to communicate but is actually nice underneath...... hey... thats a little delinquentcore........ i wouldnt say yankii but hes like... hes like... u know hes the handsome quiet one of the group of yankiis... u know the one...? hey where are you going

ganesha is also a character im deeply interested in but i havent played CCC so i dont know that many details about jinako herself !! my brain goes HMMMMMM it seems lord ganesha is trans in fgo ! (since kama used to be a male god originally as well!!) ganesha uses all pronouns!!! and ganesha is also special to me because they share similar traits with kama when it comes to their characterization AND mischaracterizations. ganesha isnt JUST jinako. theres a part of a god in the servant mix!!! and jinako HERSELF is actually a pretty sad character imo. the whole otaku/neet thing is obviously a facade and her true wish being that she wants to redo her whole life is also proof of how much she hates what shes become, yet at the same time, she doesnt know what else she could do. but anyways, i prefer looking at servants from a lore POV so i think that ganesha should still be considered a god and be adressed as such!! i like seeing people portray ganesha as jinako but i prefer it when a certain lavish more godly side of them is put forward. a side of jinako that managed to move on a little bit if that makes sense ? that got more serious. and became someone else entierly despite sharing similarities. needless to say their bond with karna makes me happy since he shows them respect as you should towards a god!! its a bit different from their bond in CCC... like they matured somewhat!! anyway ganesha is the one who taught everyone else in the indo fam about video games and technology and i will NEVER shut up.

ashwatthama..... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM %_’(’ç_”’è_ç(è_’”545656455456545453£¨¨µ¨µMµ¨++°=)=)°+ goodness. jesus christ on earth. my love story with him makes me so embarrassed. when he got revealed i instantly fell in love with him despite knowing JACK SHIT ABOUT HIM but since i was the only one in my friend group who was hardcore into fgo at the time, i kept my love for him to myself and just... (looks away)(i drop my wallet full of picturses of him) quietly adored his everything in silence. WELL, ree having an intense crush on yankii type characters isnt new, its been my favourite trope for ages (gyarus go in hand with them!!) and im still very attached to it so thats what made me love him in the first place!!!! BUT THEN. I GOT INTO HIS MAHABHARATAN LORE. And OHHHHHHHHH BABY.......... (im twirling my hair) so theres this 7ft tall war criminal..........<3<33<3(mash leans in and informs me that the convention of geneva didnt exist at the time) SO THERES THIS 7 FTTALL IMMORTALMAN.......<233 gOD he makes me absolutely CRAZY9909840385%£%%£%%µ%µ%µ the love i have for this character is immense and whenever im sad i remember that pako exists and has a tablet and can draw and i suddenly feel so much better. ok im gonna stop horny posting a little bit. but hes my wife. AND WHAT I LOVE ABOUT HIS PORTRAYAL IN FGO IS THAT, they actually made him a good boy despite his initial roughness and misdeeds ???!!! HELLO?? ashwatthama wishing for a redemption ark is my favourite thing and his righteousness that was born because of his regrets is a very interesting drivepoint to me !!! hes a gorgeous character and im buying a ticket plane as we speak right now so i can go find him in northern india. i’ll find him. GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME !!!!!GET OFF ME !!!

miss lakshimi makes me very sad! because every female servant in the indo fam is an already known face. (... would sita count.) and lakshi being a jeanneface is a waste. well, she’s still very pretty and her lore is also quite interesting!! i havent looked into it fully yet but i think she should be kissed on the mouth. her bad luck makes me slip on a banana peel whenevr i get close to her to kiss her and i hit my head on the pavement and pass away- 

parvati is on a tough spot for me atm. i genuinely love thinking of her as the way the indian goddess herself is portrayed because thats where the fun lies for me in her character. especially when shes involved with other indian servants, thats a given!! i would like to see parvati grow, suffer and heal. because branding her as an “all-knowing mom” is easy, but every single parent makes mistakes if you follow that logic. also, since shes the sakura servant “thats closest to her initial personality”, she’s got some of the most Repulsive fans ive Ever witnessed in fandom spaces and lets say that im trying to work my way out of this hellhole and find things to like about parvati without the fandom’s influence. needless to say, im going to keep looking into her mythos and her lore by myself at my own pace and keep doing my own thing in my little corner. 

rama shouldve been a jock. THE RAMAYANA IS OLDER THAN THE MAHABHARATA, WHY IS.....Hrm well him being summoned as his baby version gives me hope for a future rama alt perhaps??? but i think that he shouldve been a total jock and he shouldve been huge with a huge red lion-like mane for his hair and a teethy grin and big biceps and intense love for his wife. SPEAKING OF SITA, her charm point is her purity but i wish.... that their artist still hadnt drawn them like That, im not a fan of lily servants and i think purity = being young is a bit of an annoying excuse!!! rama and sita looking similar is because of their shared history which is fine but... rolls my eyes............. rama shouldve been 6ft tall and sita shouldve been a milf to match...... anyways i doubt ravana would be added as a servant but i’d love to have a ramayana centric event!! where all indo servants have their own lore centric role to play!!! oh thatd be a dream.... but i have learned to not expect much from a fanservice game so im jus gonna draw my own stuff! (strikes a pose!) (mashu claps!)

[grotesquegabby]

What would your Survivor and Killer OCs think of mine and Mags'? :3

@post-itpenny

alrighty~ lets get started with

Pandoras thoughts

Mary: Honestly seems like a great person and would love to get to know her more. I imagine if Pandora had traveled and crossed paths with Mary Pre-Entity. She would have been like hey can you DJ at this party I’m throwing. I imagine they could have become pretty good friends to be honest. Plus Pandora is a huge partier, so shed end up being a fan as well x3

Pandora loves to tease the killers in trial and with those perks that Marys got. I imagine if they ended up in trials together and got to each other before the killer did. Tag team big time.

Thomas: She can see that hes guarded and can understand that. Pandora is a pretty sensitive person and can read people well. Shed take her time with Thomas and show him not everyone is as bad as they seem.

She would be extremely patient with him. Have his back when shes able too in trials. That sadomasochist perk really comes in handy for taking hits for team mates x3

Will try to make him laugh in a trial, lets have fun with this. She knows people can see what shes doing. So shes like lets make this as pervy or as funny as possible.

Neo: Loves the aesthetic, oh la la~. x3 Dont know if shed see him without the mask but shed be like oh damn~. anyway...a challenging killer but thats what makes these trials so fun, and Pandora is a glutton for punishment...god that sounds bad...anyway

I imagine shed be annoying to him too. Finding out about his past though would warrant empathy from her. Its not fair shed say, its not fair at all...outside trials she would try to befriend him like shed try with certain other killers.

Irene: You think I’m annoying now....just you wait~. Pandora though loud and very in the spotlight herself....is patient and cunning and knows how to be stealthy. I think at first when learning about Irene she might feel for her but it wouldnt last too long. She can put two and two together...she knows what happened to those people Irene knew...

Selfish people do as selfish people do. And Irene may be an actor but shes an open book.

Pandora wouldnt have much patience for someone like her but annoying the hell out of her would be worth it every time. She might even snap at Irene during trial and bring something up...which might get her killed but she wont care. Irene wants control and is manipulative. And Pandora dont roll with toxic people like that.

oh you dont like how I dress or act, well tough shit. shed call her uptight x3

Now for Gisela~

her view on life in general has become skewed especially after the betrayal and pain she endured before becoming what she was. During most trials she is herself, I have a look for her that shows when its the Entity I have yet to draw it and post it though so....hopefully soon.

So~

Mary: oh my god, this one is going to be annoying she can already tell. Dont get her wrong in another life these two could have been close. But this is the Entities realm and the Witch is no longer who she used to be.

So shes going to get annoyed with that one perk Marys got x3 I can tell but outside a trial...perhaps but shes quite hard to get close to outside trials.

she tends to stay in her own realm and doesnt even bother going to I assume a killers camp .I like to assume the killers also have a camp like oh man a new day in the entities realm time to head to the camp to see what trials ill get and sometimes they all hang out there. But shes like nah....

But I think she would also be fascinated with Mary, and....impressed. She was never that confident or popular when she was that age. So maybe also some admiration in there. A small part of her from the past still remains it might seem.

Thomas: Gisela understands a lot about what Thomas feels. Betrayal, someone close to you betrayed you. Left you for dead.....how familiar. Her situation from before only slightly similar in the someone close aspect though for her it was a whole village.

In trials she might give Thomas a chance...might..because of the sort of kinship she would feel with him but only somewhat. She has a job to do after all

other than that who knows. Maybe outside of trials theyd sit quietly together but The Witch tends to mostly keep to herself watching everyone from the shadows or through the crows eyes.

Shes not too fond of most people due to her past.

Neo: When it comes to killers, The Witch learns about them before meeting them. So Neo she would feel for, might not really show it at first unless they happen to get real close eventually but....she would feel for him and his past.

And yes....he is quite handsome~. But right now its professionalism time.

anyway....I imagine they might not speak much at first. Since shes pretty secluded and loner like at least in the beginning of things.

Neo has no qualms with killing, and honestly neither does she at this point. He has his reasons she has hers.

Irene: Im just imagining the Witch looking down at Irene with just this....look like....excuse you. x3 I dont know why anyway...

considering how different these two are...Gisela will admit she was a bit selfish in her past but not to Irenes extent. She selfishly wanted to keep her sister with her in their home village but ended up unable too... that was her thing.

But Gisela also sees this want for attention and control.....utterly......infuriating. She has no patience for it. I imagine she could tell how Irene would feel about her. As I may have mentioned before or if I didnt, The Witch knows things and she can tell the type of impression she leaves on some.

but I imagine if these two did have any positive interaction it would be few and far between perhaps. Where as Irene enjoys being in the spotlight, the Witch actually doesnt. She tends to stick to the shadows.

Bastian's opinions

Mary: she's really cool and he'd definitely befriend her. Love of music and stuff uvu

I imagine they'd joke around and talk about their lives. Let's irritate the killer x3

Thomas: he'd feel for Thomas and he'd also be understanding but Bastian is extremely loyal when he makes a friend.

I imagine it'll take a bit and Bastian is more down it earth when it comes to being social and such. So who knows they might end up being real good friends in time.uwu

Neo: cool look but oh shit! I honestly think Bastian would have a bad time going against him. Hed be like flashlights dont work sooo....what do!

cool guy, sad past, hed feel better but wouldnt feel very safe around him even outside trials. He doesnt really trust a lot of the killers outside the trials in general.

Irene: ._. reminds him of his father so it's a no from him.

Would do everything in his power to piss her off just like he did him.

He will pallet stun her over and over and over. Learn that Yui perk just for her plus added with his pallet perk itll be a real hit.

Hope these are good uwu

[mieczyhale]

mace im sorry i don't have coherent thoughts but i'm so just like,,, what was klaus this season. what was ben. the cult was pointless to klaus' character. the things that matter to klaus' character were ignored. the dave stuff was a lot of nothing. i felt like the possession thing shouldve been huge for ben and klaus' relationship but we're supposed to think klaus feeling violated is funny and inconsequential? ben going to the light was just shoved in at the end? i just---what???? who??

i’m on the same page as you, anony, especially in coherency lmfao

klaus this season was.. not totally bad, but i think most of that can be put on robert for his acting and how well he knows his own character bc the writers clearly didn’t know what was up (or maybe they did and playing him off this season as comedic relief, having him tossed to the side and mistreated, is going to play into s3 somehow. idk. i’m not writing off any possibility because overall the writers have done really really well with everything else so in my soul i feel like there has to be a reason they did what they did to him this season yknow??) for all the jokes they had him making and stuff, i think robert definitely played klaus the way we as fans know him - suffering constantly but unwilling to let anyone actually see that and if they do he’s gonna make it sound like a joke. he’s not gonna act serious because that leads to pain and he’s had more than enough of that. HOWEVER. i am genuinely so so pissed that he didn’t get to fight or really use his powers this season. and the part before ben sacrifices himself where klaus finally got up the courage to try and help, the fact that he didn’t succeed - that it wasn’t klaus who saved the day - is just... sldflksd GOD I HATE IT. oh and the scene towards the end where everyone gets shot and the one remaining swede kills the handler?? THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN KLAUS. he should have come back to life as he does, as is PART OF HIS POWERS, grabbed a gun that he knows how to use well - thank you vietnam - and he should have shot the bitch. but no. we didn’t even get that. vanya got klaus’s levitation and diego got klaus’s telekinesis and klaus got ??? a cowboy hat. which i mean looks good on him and he deserves it but it doesnt make up for *gestures at everything* and tbh even that was tainted because one of the siblings says “50$ if we leave him here” when klaus runs to grab the hat. seriously??!! SERIOUSLY??! it’s not funny, it’s just more of people not caring about klaus and thinking abandoning him is a fun joke to make ANYWAY. onto things you actually mentioned sdlkdsjf;ls i think the cult wasn’t pointless to his character necessarily, i think it did provide something, but it wasn’t used to its fullest extent. we got little things like klaus talking about it making him claustrophobic and making him feel like his skin is on fire, and his followers become something he cant escape even though he desperately wants too - it’s like having the ghosts all over again except he’s sober and these are live people who can touch him. but the show never actually out loud makes that comparison when they should have. i think it would have helped the cult thing seem less random. as for the dave thing.. i don’t think it was a lot of ‘nothing’ but again i think they could have definitely done more with it. it lets klaus see dave again, in a way, and it shows us more about both of them and the relationship they had. we learn more about dave, who he is, the kind of people he had around him and the environment he grew up in. it shows us that klaus and dave talked about all kinds of things, nothing was too mundane or unimportant. it shows us that three years after dave’s death klaus is still grieving and is still 100% in love. and it shows us that klaus isn’t always as selfish as people assume right alongside another hit to the face (oof unintentional wording) of just how much he loved dave. he wanted to save dave’s life so badly he made a fool of himself, put up with homophobia, took a hit to the face, and still kept trying to stop him from enlisting even though, per the last timeline, it would mean they’d never meet. klaus is willing to have dave never know him, is willing to handle that pain and heartbreak pretty much forever, as long as dave lives. my heart literally cannot handle it the possession thing. i haven’t stopped being angry and uncomfortable and disgusted by it since i saw it like 2 days ago now. that plot the writers really fucked up on it was a big thing for their relationship but not in any way that lead to growth or understanding or power control or ANYTHING. i love ben but i have so many fucking problems with him after watching s2 that i almost wanna take my love back tbh. the writers tried to make it seem like what ben was doing was okay - because he was angry and frustrated with klaus, because klaus wasn’t doing what he wanted, because klaus couldn’t stay sober, etc. like any of that makes possessing someone without their consent okay... or threatening to possess someone the moment their guard is down (leaving klaus paranoid and afraid to sleep).. or getting permission to possess someone and then refusing to leave (and its double garbage when diego encourages ben to continue possessing klaus. diego’s reason was gross and even if he hadnt given a reason he was still encouraging ben to not give klaus’s body back to him. which like.. im sure klaus can see and hear what’s going on. so he now is aware that his brother would rather have ben-wearing-klaus than actual klaus. the amount that would fucking hurt. a nyway) klaus never really got to talk about how it made him feel, not in any situation where anyone was listening. he never got to go off on ben for what he did, and what he was about to do, even though he had every right to. ben kind of knew how klaus felt about it but he showed very clearly that he didnt care. ben just did not fucking care about klaus this season. and it wasnt a ‘tough love’ thing like they tried to do in s1. it was just horrible and it hurt to watch. and i feel like s2 ben wouldnt have apologized to klaus even if he had been seriously confronted. we now know that klaus has this power. and we know that it can easily be abused by someone else. and i feel like that could tie into his ability to make the ghosts corporeal and such. it could definitely work as an interesting lead into exploring more of his many powers. and it could have worked as a way to bring ben and klaus closer without anyone getting hurt or violated. but.. for s2.. it wasnt used that way. it was used as a way to degrade and humiliate klaus. and they clearly wanted us to find it funny. it was one of the least funny things to happen all season. actually probably THE least funny thing. right along with nobody giving a shit when they thought klaus was having a seizure or OD-ing (both during their meeting with reginald and in the alley when they were supposed to meet up to use the briefcase five got from the handler), AND OF COURSE  nobody taking klaus seriously, paying attention to him, or caring about him (except for allison at some points) and ben finally going into the light at the end..  was kind of shoved in?? but i think what made it feel that way, for me at least, wasn’t so much the placement or timing of it but that it wasn’t really acknowledged afterwards?? it just.. happened, and we were all heartbroken, and on screen... nothing. it felt like a very sudden end to his storyline and yeah they could have done a little more to make it feel like a natural end for him thanks for the ask and sharing your thoughts on s2 with me~!! <3

[captainstevenrogerswrites]

Human torch and Iron man: an unlikely match that's gone from strength to strength....

The human torch and Iron man have always been used to hitting headlines on their own but they both made massive waves through headlines together last year when they were seen kissing outside a cafe. Two famous playboys now devoted to one another.

Now a year on they are happily married, have a multi billion dollar empire, created a charity to help people get off the streets and into full time jobs and a roof over their heads. Stark Industries have even started an internship for people older than the typical young age to make sure everyone gets a chance of a second chance. They also have five homes across the world and a life that makes anyone jealous but unlike many celebrities they have kept their private lives.....well private.

In their first interview together , we try and find out what keeps this relationship going and how they make it work so well.

@flamingshieldwrites @sassystarkinatorwrites

[[MORE]]

Location: central park.

I had honestly expected for this interview to be at Stark Industries, but as I sit on one of the many bench tables here, listening to the birds, people going by and the warm sun on my back, I get why they insisted on coming here.

First to turn up is Johnny, his slightly longer hair gelled back and his stubble still shining on his face, two features that people have noticed since their relationship. Hes dressed up in a dark pair of jeans and a tight fitted white tee with sunglasses over his eyes and his swade jacket loosely over his shoulder. He offers me that big kid grin hes known for as he reaches for my hand to greet me, telling me it's so nice to meet me and his husband is minutes away.

He isnt wrong either, a man in a dark grey suit comes jogging towards us, the classic Tony Stark look and I can understand why some people feel intimidated as he reaches for my hand and apologies hes late after a meeting over ran. He jokes that it's one of those meetings that shouldve been an email instead, in a way we all feel him there.

I'm now sat opposite the two most private yet talked about men in New York and they seem so happy together, reaching for each others hand, you wouldnt be blamed for thinking they were still in the Honeymoon period of their relationship.

Q. Congratulations it's nearly your first anniversary together, any plans yet?

J- Thanks man, not killing each other for a start -laughs- I'm joking dude, I seriously couldnt be happier.

T- Damnit that was my line, darling -nudges his shoulder and smirks- Thanks, cant believe it's nearly a year already and who knows, maybe I'll marry him again.

You can see how much they banter how inlove they really are. This isnt an act for the world but a real love between them and I cant help but try not to swoon as I witness it all.

Q. You've both had very public relationships before one another, why did you decide to go private with each other?

T- it's not out of shame. I love this man to bits but when you find the real thing, its precious and you realise how much it means to protect such a thing. We find it important to have a private life and be with one another and besides keeps all you lot guessing.

J- play nice, Tones -they chuckle together and I swear theres alot of inside jokes between them going on- we value our privacy which I know some people say is hypercritical to say we are public images but its our life and we love how we both can come home and relax together, leaving the outside world outside for a while. Everyone needs to recharge man.

Q. Did you find it weird that Johnny was a massive fan of yours?

T- No, I actually enjoyed it and I didnt blame him. The only drawback is that he had loved me for longer before I met and loved him.

J- Daaaaaaamn shouldve crashed into your life sooner then.

Q. Was it love at first sight?

J- Yes!!! I mean look at him.

T- more like love at first oops -Tony laughs as Johnny rolls his eyes playfully-

Q. Who's idea was it to come up with the charity?

J- Both of us , we kept seeing people on the streets and thinking why are we living in such a world?. We couldnt keep walking past them and not try and help them.

T- Johnnys right, we live in a world so advanced and yet we still have people living on the streets. The Government wouldn't or couldn't do anything so we put our heads together and bam the charity was born.

Q. How do you deal with Johnny looking like Captain America?

Johnny rolls his eyes as if he's heard this question a million times.

T- I dont see it and out of all the people, I've spent years with the Cap and very intimate with my husband, if there was a similarity then I would be seeing it. They're two completely people, I dont go around trying to kiss the Cap thinking hes my husband. They're different, trust me.

J- Well I hope you dont kiss the Cap -johnny chuckles clearly joking-

T- you taste different anyway-he winks, but you can imagine how their jokes might be conceived as rumours at times-

Q. One piece of advice to give to others that make a relationship work...

J- communicate the hell out of each other. Talk about it all, talk through everything, dont leave the other second guessing. Whatever happens talk to one another. Tony and I do and theres nothing left unsaid, think that's what makes us stronger too, good or bad, we talk shit out.

T- Dont leave or go to bed angry or upset. If we have a disagreement I refuse to go to work until weve sorted it out, same with sleeping. I'll stay up all night if it means sorting shit out too. What if you didnt and something fucked up happened, angry or upset words are going to haunt you forever if they're the last words.

Q. Do you miss your playboy ways? You both could go anywhere and get attention.

T- Tony laughs as Johnny looks slightly unamused- yeah all the time -he gives off the famous tony stark rolling eyes- not one second of it. I still get attention but my husband is the only one that gets it back. So try all you want, hes the one walking home with me every night.

J- I'm HIS playboy and like he said we go home together so fuck the rest.....not literally.

((Part 2 coming soon....))

[wickymicky]

can weki meki be considered successful though? i love them and their fanbase is a positive place compared to other ioi groups, but they haven't gotten any wins and i think that people really don't talk about them (the general korean public + the international kpop fandom doesn't seem to pay any attention to anyone but the ioi members) i mean i guess in that theyre still promoting theyre successful but not really in actual popularity, which is really too bad since theyre such a good group :(

it depends on how you define success, for sure. they’re not successful in terms of general popularity, sure, but they have a solid audience. i think if you have enough people who not only like your group, but actually ult your group, you’re doing something right. dreamcatcher’s the same way. both of these groups put out songs that fit their respective aesthetics, and cater to their existing fanbases. i think you build a better fanbase by appeasing the people who already love you than by trying to win over as many people as possible. because when you aim for universal popularity, it shows, and the songs can sometimes lack personality, and comebacks can be drastically different from each other because the company considers each attempt a failure. i gotta mention dia again... they’re a group whose company really seems to want to shoot for the widest possible audience, and so they just kept trying shit and moving on to something else when it didnt go viral. 

it seems like mbk’s intended audience when giving dia a comeback is “people who arent fans”, in order to try and win them over and be instantly successful overnight, like momoland was with bboom bboom. fantagio and happyface’s intended audience seems to be “our fans, people who get us and are liking what we’re doing here already”. that’s the kind of thing that makes someone go from a casual fan to ulting a group, and those are the people who tell their friends to listen to their favorite group lol. weki meki and dreamcatcher have strong fandoms because they spread by word of mouth, i think. so does loona, that’s the whole point of the “stan loona” meme lol, that counts as word of mouth. loona’s career is taking off a little bit right now, but i think generally the reason people get into loona is because they see how much other people like loona, lol. that’s how i did! same with dreamcatcher and kinda same with weki meki, though i was aware of them before i got into them, a little bit. 

so i guess weki meki aren’t successful in terms of like... you know... success... lmao....... but i think they’re successful in doing what they set out to do and not only getting a fandom but maintaining a fandom. they’re a fun group to be a fan of, i think. that’s why they won me and a lot of other people over. i think that’s a valid form of success. maybe they dont make as much money as other groups (they definitely dont lmao), but... i mean that probably should matter to me more lmao but selfishly i kinda dont care, i dont get into groups because of how monetarily successful they are, i’m just here for a good time. if weki meki never gets a music show win, it wouldnt make any difference to me. i’ll support them and vote for them cause it’d be nice to, but it’s not that important to me. i think engagement from fans is just as important if not more so than wins and chart positions. groups dont stick around for years because they have famous members or had a hit song or whatever... if they did, then pentagon would be as big as bts lol. groups stick around because they have an audience. attention isnt important unless you know how to keep it. it’s no use if they have a big song and then nobody sticks around for their next one. having two songs that do “pretty good” is better than having one that does amazing and one that totally flops. and i think having a dedicated fandom is a pretty important factor in determining what songs do “pretty good” in the first place. 

also, i think that in the grand scheme of things, they’re not like a totally nugu group. just like how it’s wrong to call them popular, it’s also wrong to call them unpopular, lol. they’re doing alright, all things considered. picky picky is almost at 10 million views, which’ll be their third to hit that milestone, and while tiki taka and dazzle dazzle arent anywhere near that, still, there’s a lot of groups that would kill to have even one music video with 10 million. when you compare them to groups that regularly get music show wins or music videos with 20 or 30 million views, sure weki meki look like an obscure group, especially in terms of how well theyre known outside of korea, and even in korea, as you said. but when you compare them to the groups who struggle to crack a million views, and who lose and gain members every comeback, and who even other kpop fans often havent heard of... then i think it’s clear that weki meki are sitting in a relatively comfortable position. it’s not perfect, but things are fairly okay, lol. 

oh and one last thing, i just wanna say that “being known inside/outside of korea” also isnt that big a deal to me tbh. much as it pains me to say it... i think armys are sorta half-right when they say that it’s really just bts at the top. i think it’s not that simple, obviously groups like blackpink, twice, and red velvet have made a huge impact, and of course groups like snsd and exo, but still, the pool of groups like that is relatively small. for the most part, kpop is still pretty small and niche. success with the general public in and out of korea doesnt necessarily matter to me all that much, because i think what matters more is how successful a group is among kpop fans. even in korea, like, not every korean person is into kpop lol. there are people like us who are into the scene and community, and there are people who dont give a shit. i mean, that should be obvious, but it’s worth pointing out that like nobody talks about anime like it has to appeal to the general public. sure, everyone’s heard of dragonball and naruto, but there are successful anime out there that the general public has never heard of, but theyre successful because people who are into anime like it a lot. you know what i mean? its successful in the anime fan community. when you look at it like that, comparing weki meki to a group that has found recognition outside the kpop fan community is kind of a stretch and not very helpful. if you think about how recognized weki meki are by the community of people who are into kpop girl groups, then i think they’re not doing that bad. shrug. and i think their future is still bright

[hedwigsimagines]

Bon voyage - Malta

There was the tiniest air of sadness when it was revealed that they would be making another series of bon voyage. Don't get me wrong, the boys were all so excited and grateful when they were given the chance to go to malta but once those feelings settled they realised that they would be apart from us for their entire break. All the talks you and V had about how you would go to the beach and teach him how to paddleboard could no longer happen as you’d be in different countries. Mine and Jin's plan of just being in each others company was also out the window. None of us were dating but we were such a huge part of each other lives that it would be hard to say goodbye for even the length of a trip. What the boys didn't know however was that their director had pulled us to one side to have a chat. He was well aware of this issue and wanted this trip to be as memorable for the members as possible since they didn't get breaks often. He offered us an earlier flight into malta as a surprise to the boys on the condition that we weren't filmed. Even though the Army loved us, it was in the best interest of us and the boys to keep hidden, which we totally understood considering some fans were too protective over them. Trying to hide our excitement we said our ‘sad’ goodbyes to everyone two days before they were due to leave. Though V insisted you stay with them until the very last second you remained strong and pretended that you needed to give them time to pack.

 In reality, me and you rushed to our apartment just down the road to pack for our flight in less than 24 hours.  It upset me to see Jin slightly tear up saying goodbye and you couldnt help but get a pang in your chest when V pouted at your goodbyes. Over the months we had spent together it was no secret that we had gotten closest with V and Jin. Everyone around us would mistake us as couples but none of us agreed despite all your and v feelings for each other and jin and mine. We kept our act up even as we boarded the plane, getting the directors to keep the boys busy so that they wouldnt question why we didnt reply straight away due to being on the plane. Though we were best friends we had our separate music and did our own thing to occupied on the journey.  I slept for the most part and you read or binged Netflix. Malta heat hit us straight away and it sunk in where we were. It took everything not to post a pic or Snapchat for fear one of the 7 would see it. They would be joining us in just over 24 hours so we made our way to the hotel to unpack. The flight really took a toll on us and we didn't really want to venture out without the guys so we opted for a girly evening with malta take out, loud music, face masks, the lot! Picking the rooms was a challenge. There were four rooms (one isn't shown in the episode as it would have given away that we were there). 

As we were settled in with a plate of food my phone lights up with a skype call…from Jin. Me and you both panic because there was no way we could let it just ring (they would get suspicious) but we clearly weren't in our house. You quickly run out of the room and come back with a massive duvet. You throw it over our heads and tell me to answer the call. All the boys are huddled around Jin, staring into the screen with our darkened faces visible. When Rm questions our setting you calmly explain that we had made a fort and that we were currently in it. The duvet covered any evidence that we were elsewhere and they seemed to believe us, though at one point a malta ad for skincare blasts loudly from the tv and I had to make a dive for the remote. They just wanted to check on us before they slept ready for their flight and we assured them that we were both perfectly okay. You kept looking at V who had a glum expression on his face. You knew that he had to join later on the trip and you wish you could be there to comfort him as he dealt with family problems. J-hope asked what presents we wanted from malta and we played along, asking for shells and loads of pictures. Jk promised to get us all matching malta tops and Jimin said he would try to smuggle malta food through the borders. Everyone eventually and regretfully said goodbye, leaving suga with Jin's phone as he went to the toilet. He makes sure no one is in the room before bringing the camera closer to him and whispering “I know where you really are”. The look on our faces makes him laugh and he says quickly that since the crew weren't inside the BTS house 24/7, they needed someone on the inside to make sure none of the other members found out. He reassured us that no one else knew and goes back to a normal conversation just as Jin walks in to get his phone back. We’ve had a tad to drink and it's gone straight to our eyes so we leave the call and head off to bed. We put everything in room 4 for the time being and sleep there until the boys arrive. The next morning we are up bright and early to get some food to stock up the fridges. The boys get an allowance for things like food and everything but we don't have a budget, so we decided to help them out on things we were certain they wouldn't consider buying like washing up liquid and shampoo. We also travel to a big outlet for a few more clothes since we don't anticipate the heat of malta and knew that dragging 7 males around a shopping centre would be absolute chaos.  ————TIME SKIP ————

We get the news that the boys have touched down in malta and try to think of a plan to surprise them. Since V isn't with them, you decide to save your ‘surprising’ for when he arrives, meaning that you come up with a simple way to surprise the other lot. You call suga secretly when you know he’s away from the others and tell him to get Jin into room number two where I’ll be hiding and waiting. Rushing around, we clean the house up so that it's not obvious someone is already there and when we hear the sounds of voices outside the hotel we get into position. I hide in room two and you wait on the porch out of sight. In our places, we hear the boys enter and their voices echo around the large living room. We’ve been with them so much that we can tell that its j-hope who leaps up the stairs and jimin that follows with lighter steps. They inspect every single room except from room 4 which they are told is the staff's room and off-limits which they respect. Suga lingers a little longer in each room to see if he can spot either of us but even he can't see any trace of us. After they have excitedly run around the whole house, they gather in the front room to decide on who sleeps where. When you know the coast is clear you sneak into the kitchen and boil the kettle. None of the boys seem to notice the sound from the front room and you get ready for your surprise. You wait a few moments then in your most casual voice ever you call out “who else wants a tea?”. The boys freeze in their places. They were used to you calling that back at home but there was no way that they all imagined it in their heads at the same time. None of them move, they are actually a bit scared that it could be a ghost. When no one replies to you, you smirk knowing how scared they must be. Since no one wants to check the kitchen for ghosts Jk decides to reply as a joke “ Me please?”. When you shout back an “okay!” Everyone in the room loses their shit. J-hope jumps into Jks arms while jimin, who is sat closest to the kitchen stares motionless at the source of the voice. Rm is counting staff and tells everyone that it's not a staff member as they are all present. After a couple more minutes you give in , too excited to keep the secret and walk calmly into the living room. “one or two sugars?” you ask calmly and everyone roars in surprise. J-hope and Rm run up and tackle you into a hug. Jk claps in pure surprise while suga laughs hysterically.

 No one can really formulate a sentence other than “What, how, why?” as they stare at you in disbelief. J-hope clings to his chest and in fake annoyance tells you that he legit thought he was talking to a ghost. You perch a seat next to him and giving a knowing look to suga who explains he was in on it. Among all of this, jin looks around as though searching for something or someone. You put on your acting head again (you’re surprisingly good) and look sadly at him. “Faith really did want to come,” you say comfortingly “But there were too many things going on”. He smiles kinda sadly but insists that he understands, after all you’re there and that's amazing! They try and get you to tell the story of how you got to malta but, knowing that you cant without mentioning me, you suggest they pick rooms now and you can talk over dinner. You also make them swear not to tell V and they all pinky promise. Jin is a bit quiet and you lot all try to get him to perk up. Suga tells him that maybe room number two is the best option for him so that he can stay up later in peace to skype me at night. It seems to have worked since he takes the bait and chooses room number two. I've been hiding in the wardrobe for a little over an hour now and you’ve had to come in with some cut up apple so that I don't die in the heat of the cupboard. As Jin sits on his bed with his back facing me I quietly creep up behind him and put my hands over his eyes. He obviously thinks my hands are jimins and lets down his guard for a brief moment to tell “jimin” that he wished I was there. It's only when i let go of his eyes that he turns around and his jaw hits the floor. He looks at me then to the, now open, wardrobe with bits of apple inside, then back to me before engulfing me in a huge bear hug. He is totally silent and we stay there for a while in a big ole hug. RM comes in to check on Jin and when he sees me he shouts “NO WAY!”. You hear this and gather that I've come out of hiding so a hint that the boys should go to Rm.

 For the second time, the guys are dumbfounded and super excited. Jimin slings an arm around you playfully and ruffles your hair with his hand (He is the ONLY one that can just about get away with this for you). Jk joins in with mine and jins hug and tips the three of us over on the bed which creates a massive bundle with everyone. We all sit up, now all on the double bed overlapping limbs and i notice Jin secretly wipe a few tears from his eye but his smile tells me those are happy tears. We stay on the bed for the whole story of how we ended up in Malta and tell them that room 4 was actually our room. Suga makes a joke about how I may as well move my stuff to room 2 with Jin and you stay in room 4 to share with V which makes the three of us (excluding V obviously) blush slightly. But Jin says its a great idea and I can't help but grin that the male i have feels for actually wants to share a room with me. They are filled in on the rules that we are not to be filmed as best as possible for safety reasons and that the editing team is good enough for us to still join in and be edited out later on. No one has really noticed that time has passed so drastically until Rm, whose shoulder you are leaned on, looks out the window to see the Sun beginning to ever so slightly set. It triggers a wave of hunger in all of us and as we get up and stretch, we divide jobs up in order to make dinner. With it still being light outside you , Jimin , Jk and Suga go and explore a bit and get some fresh air while me , j-hope ,Jin and RM go in another direction to get food for later.

SO I made up a whole Tae story for my best friend and wanted to share it with you so if you want another part feel free to ask! Writing isn't my strong point so its more of a casual story ? 

[red-wardens]

DA Questions

Tagged by: @goblin-deity and @gothkimmyschmidt -- thank you :)

Tagging: @jaffa-keksi @chillyrose @dickeybbqpit @mocha-writes @the-dread-doggo @heraldofwho @keeperscompanionsdai @space-vashoth (if you guys haven’t done it already. if you have, tag me so i can see!)

–---------

01) Favorite game of the series?

Dragon Age 2. I love the bisexual disaster companions and how they have friends/relationships/lives outside of you. And I love Hawke and their tragic story. I also like having years passing with the same protagonist/companions instead of “my new companions and I had one crazy year together”. Plus fighting mechanics were my favorite in this game. 

02) How did you discover Dragon Age?

I saw gifs of Morrigan on tumblr years ago (back when DA2 was still new) and thought, “holy shit, she’s pretty I should play that”, and just never got around to it till a couple years later till when I saw a lot of gifs of default Marian Hawke and thought “she’s gorgeous and funny and I would die for her” (I still can’t believe I used to think I was straight...) and then found out she’s not till the second game so I hurried up and bought Origins to play first. Then got hooked, Origins has such a great story.

03) How many times you’ve played the games?

I’m on my 4th and 5th (playing simultaneously) playthroughs of Origins, I’ve played DA2 either 6 or 7 times. Inquisition I’ve only played once and I skipped most of the side missions because that game is so long.

04) Favorite race to play as?

Elf. I love dwarves a lot though and if they could do magic they’d easily be the fave. 

05) Favorite class?

Mage. I like healing and not having to get close to enemies. 

06) Do you play through the games differently or do you make the same decisions each time?

I try to play differently each time and role play hard (ex: certain mage OC’s are only allowed to have skills in certain fields of magic even if it’s inconvenient for me, my traumatized-by-Carver’s-death Hawke who is triggered by seeing ogres can only “hold position” when one appears and I can only fight as the companions because she’s having a panic attack). In Origins I like to put someone different on the throne each time, side with mages once and templars the next, and have companions love/hate me according to my OC’s personality (and not cheat by using the Feast Day gifts). In DA2 I have a different personality Hawke each time and they make varying choices but in the end I have never sided with templars. I think in my 2nd Inquisition playthrough I’ll side with templars though out of curiosity. 

07) Go-to adventuring group?

Always depends on who is the love interest and who are the closest friends of my protagonist. Even if the team comp is terrible. 

08) Which of your characters did you put the most thought into?

Blue Surana was my first character ever so she’s had the longest time of me adding/subtracting/updating her and her story. That being said I like to think I’ve put a lot of thought into my Mahariel and Amell as well. Out of my Hawkes, Claira is the most developed. 

09) Favorite romance?

Fenris. 

10) Have you read any of the comics/books?

I've read all the comics and I’ve read “The Calling” and “The Last Flight” I plan to read the other books soon hopefully. 

11) If you read them, which was your favorite book?

I really recommend The Last Flight if you’re a die hard Grey Wardens fan like me. The main character inspired the name for my Mahariel. 

12) Favorite DLCs?

 I genuinely forgot Awakening is DLC since it came with my game but, yeah. I love all the companions in Awakening and I wish it were longer. “The Exiled Prince” is also another fave since I genuinely like Sebastian Vael and he’s a kickass squadmate. 

13) Things that annoy you.

The white-washing, what happened to Orsino, the way Inquisition doesn’t take into account Hawke could have been a blood mage, no healing as an Inquisition mage, the fucking Requisition Officer, the way you can’t be nicer to Sera, no dwarf romances, and how the Inquisitor can’t call Cullen out on certain things (Cassandra too, honestly, though I love her she can be really insensitive to other cultures). That’s just in the games, don’t even get me started on some of the fandom. 

14) Orlais or Ferelden?

Frozen Dog Lovers > Snooty Elf Oppressors, any day 

15) Templars or mages?

Mages, no contest.

16) If you have multiple characters, are they in different/parallel universes or in the same one?

I have 3 worldstates that I have playthroughs for, and a Multi-Warden AU

Worldstate 1 - Arcane Warrior/Battlemage/Fire Mage, mutual-pining-for-Sten, grey-sexual Blue Surana + Spirit Healer/Ice Mage, Fenris Romance, gay Akono Hawke

Worldstate 2 - Ranger/Assasin Archer, Zevran Romance, straight Isseya Mahariel + Blood Mage/Earth Mage, Sebastian rivalmance, panromantic/ace Henley Hawke

Worldstate 3 - Blood Mage/Spirit Healer/Entropy Mage, Leliana Romance, bisexual Alyss Amell (dies) + Shadow/Dual-Blade Rogue, Anders Romance, bisexual Claira Hawke

Multi-Warden AU: Blue Surana is main warden and recruits the others after Ostagar forming what I call the “Warden Squad”. Most thought-out world, that I have the most writing for but will probably never get around to writing the actual fic. We will see. Also, I need to make some Inquisitors for all these worldstates....they’re planned out I just need to force myself to actually play them. 

17) What did you name your pets? (mabari, summoned animals, mounts, etc)

Mabari’s: Rabbit (Blue Surana), Dog (Isseya Mahariel), Teddy (Alyss Amell), Tor (Akono Hawke),  Better Carver “BC” (Henley Hawke), Bear (Claira Hawke). Isseya Mahariel numbers her wolf and bear summons A-# for wolves and B-# for bears. 

18) Have you installed any mods?

I play on xbox so nah, sadly. 

19) Did your Warden want to become a Grey Warden?

Blue Surana didn’t want to leave the Circle and Isseya Mahariel didn’t want to give up searching for Tamlen so “no” for both of them, but they both were amazing at it. Alyss Amell, as much as it terrified her to leave to fight things, wanted to be free of Kinloch Hold. 

20) Hawke’s personality?

Akono is almost exclusively Purple though he has rare Blue moments when speaking to Carver or sometimes Fenris. 

Henley is solidly Red except maybe once or twice chose purple banter for talking to her only friend, Varric. 

Claira is the most varied in that she’s split 60-40 between Blue and Red, meaning well and wanting to be all good/peaceful, but having a wild, passionate temper when defending mages and her friends/family. I also headcanon she has the foulest mouth of my Hawkes though she actively tries to stop cursing it’s an unbreakable habit. She’s also a shameless flirt and hits that heart button almost every single time it comes up (I wouldn’t consider her Purple at all though since she isn’t sarcastic and is the type to laugh at jokes rather than make her own).  

21) Did you make matching armor for your companions in Inquisition?

I made Cole and I matching outfits because I love him ._.

22) If your character(s) could go back in time to change one thing, what would they change?

This could get long if I listed everyone so, Blue Surana regrets not telling Sten how she felt sooner, though she doubts it would have changed anything. Isseya Mahariel wishes Tamlen could have been found sooner so the Joining could have saved him. 

23) Do you have any headcanons about your character(s) that go against canon?

My entire Multi-Warden AU is a big “fuck you” to canon because all those potential wardens deserve to live dammit.

24) Who did you leave in the Fade?

In this house we do not leave Hawkes in the Fade. So, sorry Loghain :(

25) Favorite mount?

I legit forgot I had a mount 90% of the time. At least I got to hear more dialogue I guess. 

[idreamofwolves]

Old Times -Part One

Summary: Negan stumbles upon a familiar face from life before the end of the world.

Pairing: Negan (The Walking Dead) x OC

The dead walk the earth, the living survive on nothing but fuel in the form of safe houses and scraps of food they find or hunt. It wasn’t the way Emily ever thought things would be, or anyone for that matter, but there she was, hiding out in some old, abandoned cottage in the middle of the woods. She thought this would be her safe place, somewhere she could feel comfortable sleeping without the fear of being eaten by walkers in her sleep. She was wrong.

Emily had woken in the middle of the night to the sound of pounding on her front door that she’d hardly reinforced given her false sense of safety. That was mistake number one. Mistake number two came when fear started to override rational thought. Instead of running for weapons when the door cracked open, she attempted to hide herself in a small closet.

As the dead drug their feet in, they became frantic, or as frantic as the dead could be, in search for the living flesh they smelled and craved. Her hands shook and tears ran down her face. “This is it. This is how it’s going to end.” She thought, feeling more hopeless than ever.

Just when she had given up all hope, she heard something that would change the course of her awful night. The croaking sounds of walkers dying tang through the cottage, making her perk up and wonder what on earth was going on out there.

When the sounds of smashing and crushing finally came to a close, foot steps could be heard around the area. It seemed like only one person, but Emily couldn’t imagine a scenario where one person could kill so many walkers. And although it was against her better judgement, she slowly and quietly crawled out of the closet. She gasped as she was quickly met with the rotting face in hers. She threw herself into her back and took in the bloody scene around her.

Just as she started to get overwhelmed, a figure in the doorway took her attention. “Ho-ly shit!” The man exclaimed, oddly amused somehow. A barbed wire covered bat was sling over his shoulder, dripping with blood. He seemed unfazed by this. “We got a live one.”

“You did this?” She asked, not sure what she was more horrified by, the graveyard around her or the man above her that caused it without a flinch.

“Yeah and saved your ass in doing so.” He chuckled as he rest back on his heel. “What’s your name, doll?” The room was dark and she couldn’t see much, but she recognized that voice from somewhere.

“Emily.” She answered without thought, his demeanor and authoritative stance made her feel afraid, but he’d just saved her life. She couldn’t be anything less than grateful. “Thank you, for this.”

“Emily.. Have we met?” She was taken aback by the question, but upon really looking at him, she realized he was right. They’d met before, long before the outbreak.

“Negan?” She answered, trying to hold back a smile. She stood up and brushed herself off quickly before going back to the conversation. “You’re alive? What are you doing here?” She hurried to him and hugged him out of a rush of relief and joy.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He hugged her back, almost dropping his beloved bar in the process. His smile was still there, but it wasn’t the normal, cocky grin he often wore. He was shocked to find someone from his old life, relieved even. It suddenly made him miss the old days.

They’d met long before the outbreak, looking at her was like looking into the past, into a place he dearly missed when he let himself think about it.

He pulled away from him to look him in the eyes. He looked almost just as he did the last time he saw her, except maybe more muscular now. “I haven’t seen you since..” she trailed off, remembering exactly when she saw him last but didn’t want to say.

“Since the bar.” He finished, and in the back of both of their minds they remembered their first and last meetings.

Negan’s wife, Lucille, was harsh and demanding and every part of him felt his marriage had failed. They fought so often that he barely knew what it was like to laugh with a woman anymore, until he met Emily. He’d often go to the bar to get out for a while and let things cool off at home. That’s where he met her.

She was shy and new to bar tending, she wasn’t cut out for it but she was pretty and men tipped well. It wasn’t what she really wanted to do in life, but it paid the bills.

It was a slow night when Emily came into work. It was the last shift, and a short one at that. She was ready to go home as soon as she came, until she noticed the tired looking man at the end of the bar. A few others lingered as they sipped their drinks, but it was him she was interested in. “Hey.” She smiled as she gained his attention. “You okay?”

“Doin’ great doll.” It seemed like he’d actually meant to sound more honest, but it came out sarcastic. “Mind filling this up?” He slid his glass over to her, and motioned toward the nearby bottle of whiskey.

She lowly watched him as she poured the whiskey. She slid his glass back and checked on the other bar dwellers. After a few moments of contemplation, she went back to him. “Want to talk about it?” She pried, making him chuckle.

“That obvious, huh?” He rubbed his eyes with his hand and took a deep breath. “Think I’m here for the same reason most of these lonely, alcoholic bastards are here for. Angry wife.”

“Ooh. That bad, huh?” She rested her elbows on the bar and sipped on her soda. “By the look on your face, I’m guessing it’s one of two things. This is your first big fight with a wife you’re crazy in love with, which I’m going to doubt since I’ve seen you here once or twice, or this is becoming so common that you don’t know what to do anymore. Am I close?” She found it easy to talk with him, despite her normal reserved nature.

“Spot on, sweetheart.” He chuckled and sipped his drink, looking confident but deep down she knew he was feeling down.

“It’s Emily.” She smiled and lightly tapped her name tag. She got a smile out of him, which was really all she wanted.

“Negan.”

From that moment on, they bonded over broken relationships and their off sense of humor. It was an unexpected friendship laced with some kind of flirtatious nature, as time went on.

Negan quickly became attached to Emily, as he was able to use her as therapist and friend. She reminded him how to laugh, and she helped him forget about the rest of the world outside of the bar. And although the friendship was innocent enough, he knew himself enough to know he had feelings for her.

Emily, on the other hand, was incredibly oblivious to Negan’s flirting. She saw it as a joke most of the time, just friends kidding around, even if it did make her heart beat out of her chest. He wasn’t someone she ever imagined she’d want to be with, but she couldn’t help but imagine it at times. She found safety in him, as he was always there to ward off the seemingly sexual predators that frequented the bar now and then who always wanted more than a drink from her. She found solace in him, knowing she could vent if she needed to and ask for his opinion. He was honest and caring, something rare, she thought.

The last time Negan saw Emily, he knew it would be the last. The news of Lucille’s cancer made things hard for him, and he knew he couldn’t keep seeing this girl anymore. As much as it hurt him, he knew he had to let her go.

He walked into the bar, his composure slightly different than normal. His confident stride and cocky smirk had completely vanished. “Hey you.” Emily greeted him as he took his normal seat. He mumbles out some sort of greeting, but it was incomprehensible. “What’s up buttercup? Bad day?” She asked, thinking he and Lucille must have gotten into some kind of major fight.

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Definitely a bad day.”

Emily frowned, she hated seeing him upset. “Whiskey kind of day, huh?” She poured him a drink but he put his hand out to stop her.

“Look sweetheart, I’m not staying today. I just wanted to drop in and give ya this.” He dropped a folder note down on the bar for her to read. He didn’t have the courage to tell her what he desperately needed to say, especially knowing it wouldn’t get him anywhere anyway.

Emily picked up the letter and looked him in his sad eyes, somehow knowing she wouldn’t see him again. “What’s this?” She asked, not really wanting to open it.

He sighed and looked away for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. “Read it later, okay? Lucille’s got cancer so I won’t be around much anymore. Just thought I’d say ‘bye’ to my favorite bar tender.” He tried to make it light, but this didn’t feel good for him, it felt like a break up.

“Oh. I’m so sorry to hear that.” She nodded, squeezing the paper in her hand. “Well I hope I see you around some time, Negan.” She forced a smile, even though no part of her felt like smiling.

“Me too, princess.” He walked out, feeling more broken than he ever had. It was hard, knowing she was about to find out what he’d been feeling, and not being able to do anything about it. Not to mention the guilt he started to feel about having feelings for another woman while he was married.

It was tough on the both of them, but they never saw each other again. Not before the outbreak, that is.

“Yeah. The bar.” She said, slowly. She didn’t want to remember that night, but she still had his note. She carried it with her the moment she’d been forced to flee her home, knowing it was all she had left of him and the old life she’d lived.

“I’m real sorry about that Em.” He started, but she didn’t want him to finish.

“How’s Lucille? Is she-“

“Dead.” He said, abruptly. “She died while all the shit started hitting the fan. Turned into one of them.” He shrugged, feeling a little defeated. He hadn’t really talked about it before, but he knew he could trust her.

“Oh. I’m so sorry.” She hadn’t expected that answer, somehow.

“Don’t be. I’m glad she didn’t have to deal with this shit show.” He motioned around them, and she knew where he was coming from. Part of her wished she never had to deal with it too, but the other option scared her more.

“Right.” She nodded and looked out the window. She felt nervous, never did she think this opportunity would come. Honestly she figured he was dead. “So what are you doing here? On the run?”

“Never.” He said, confidently. “I run a place called The Sanctuary. It’s an old compound we fenced in. We take in everyone we can, make deals with other communities, you know.”

“Thats sounds amazing. I’ve been on my own since this started. Somehow I’m still not any good at fighting these things.” She laughed, knowing her weaknesses.

“How the hell have you been living in this without fighting?” He asked, semi amused but mostly worried.

“I just go from house to house. I board everything up and live on the food and stuff there until it runs out, then I venture off to a new home.” She wasn’t proud of the way she’d been living, and honestly she had very little contact with anyone since the beginning. It was amazing to her not only seeing someone, but seeing someone she knew.

“Come on, come to The Sanctuary with me. We got food and hot water, even beer.” The offer was enough without the luxuries he’d mentioned. She realized she still had feelings for him, and she wondered if he still felt the way he said he did in the letter. There was only one way for her to find out.

“I’d love to, thank you.”

[darlingsdream]

My Story With Voltron and Season Seven Thoughts

So, this is the first time I’ll be posting something personal on here about my story with Voltron and how I feel about it. It’s going to be long, and yeah, trigger warning.

A year ago, I was in a very, very bad place mentally. I was learning a lot about who I was personally and dealing with a lot of losses and emotional baggage. As a very young child, I was very into the original Voltron. I loved that stuff, however, when I grew older I didn’t stick to it and didn’t hear about the new reboot of it. Last year, one of the biggest things I was dealing with was my sexuality. Hi, I’ve recognized I’m BISEXUAL! And I’m very proud! But, I found it very hard to accept that about myself last year, seeing as my family did not approve of that stuff. I always lost myself in LGBT members in TV shows because I felt like I could relate to the characters and they helped me get through my emotional stuff. I would hyperfocus on them to drown out the very, very bad stuff I was going through.

One day while scrolling through YouTube, I came across a Klance edit. I did not know what show they were from, and genuinely believed they were a cannon gay couple. I fell in love with them instantly and began watching more video of them on YouTube. After my spree, I looked it up and figured out they were from the new Voltron reboot! I was like, woah! A voltron reboot? A gay couple, in a child’s cartoon? I was DEAD SET IN LOVE with the show right off the bat. I watched all four seasons that were out at the time and yeah, realized Klance wasn’t a cannon ship. I fell in love with the plot, characters, ships, and fandom though.

Voltron gave me something to take my mind off how bad of a situation I was in. It gave me something to hyperfocus on and fall in love with. I’ve met so many nice and friendly people through the fandom, people that understand me! The fandom is so amazing with great content? Like, the fics? Amazing! Art? Stunning! I loved the VA’s immediately and even recognized them from shows I used to watch! I became so involved with Voltron and progressively found myself getting happier and happier as I met new people, found myself, found relatable content and happy spaces to put myself into. Long story short, Voltron saved me from a shit filled situation. I’ve loved Voltron so, so much.

For the past three seasons, I’ve stayed up just to watch them immediately. I’ve worked on many fan fictions and read AMAZING ones by BEAUTIFUL writers!

You could only imagine my SHOCK when I heard there would be LGBT rep! Something I personally struggle with, even now! I cried when I found out Shiro had a male fiancé when he was on Earth! It made me so, so happy!

So, here is where my issues start...

You can tell I’ve loved Voltron whole heartedly for a very long time. Yeah?

This season, season 7, hurt me in more ways than one. It was written poorly compared to the other seasons in my opinion. The episodes where a bit everywhere and the villains were out there! The time warps were confusing, and having twenty new characters thrown at you at once is confusing! Especially when the show is close to ending. Don’t get me wrong, there was a lot of good things in this season! An amazing and well deserved Hunk arc, Lance’s strong and smart sister! The Paladins all being with their families! Shiro getting a new arm! Major Paladin and Lion bonding! Keith loves his mom!

But, there was just as much bad things as good things... I’ll start with the plot, so people won’t think I’m shitting on a show I’ve adored for MONTHS because “MY SHIP DIDNT BECOME CANNON”. Because that’s not it.

The plot was, for this season, confusing! The space stuff happening was weird. And, as someone who has an 8 YEAR OLD SISTER who watches this show, she was startled by the hostility Keith began showing the fellow Paladins during their “space madness”. The game show episode, while supposed to be a tension breaker, was useless in the long run and more of an aggravating spit run than anything else. Like, it was nice seeing Zarkon, Haggar, and Lotor! As a family! But odd, we never got an explanation as to how. Then we have everyone bashing on Lance, poor lance, for being an idiot, which he is not. As well, Voltron is captured TWICE this season... never had that happened and the way they always get out of the trouble seemed very OP.

Now, I’ll go into characters. Shiro: a supposed LGBT member, handicap, suffers from PTSD, and is of a different race, gets put through the RINGER in EVERY SEASON. They have done this character dirty, I’m not even going to lie. It’s not “character development” to throw your character around like that and kill it a hundred times but allow it to still live. Poor Shiro has barely had ANY good luck through out this show! Then, they go and say, he’s an LGBT character... They kill off his ex fiancé? They said there would be a major plot with Adam and Shiro, and I feel like they did both characters dirty. No, Adam’s death was far from heroic. It was a flash death, not even sudden, and people were left confused to it. I’m pretty sure they even referred to Adam as PERSON 1 in the subtitles. Shiro’s grieving of his old partner is so rushed too. We got an entire clip of Pidge sobbing her heart out over her brother, but see barely a flinch as Shiro looks at his ex fiancés grave. You wouldnt even be able to tell they used to be a couple if the producers didn’t say something. I’m sorry, but personally, I can’t count this as LGBT rep when it’s so concealed like this... it hurts, because they hyped the rep up so much and I was so excited, and then shit hit the fan.

Then there is Lance, who we were promised would get development. The only development for him has been on his crush for Allura and it’s painfully obvious. He is used as a joke. The other characters mistreat him... and it’s very hard to watch. This, as a kids show, just shows that it’s okay to be rude and make fun of other people. My younger sister even picked up on this and said the way Lance is treated by everyone, especially his sister, is bad! The whole gameshow episodes they kept calling the poor teen Dumb and Stupid. Like, jeez, that’s kind of damaging? They even showed that Lance has many insecurities and yet, they don’t go any further about it. He cries? No one comforts him. He’s worried? People shoot him down. He tries to help others? He gets yelled at that he can’t do things right or disregarded. It goes to show as a regular trope kids are taught today, it’s bad for boys to have emotions! It’s like it doesn’t even matter! It agitates me so much...

Then, Keith. Keith is my favorite character, he’s gotten SO MUCH development. More than anyone else... which, I kind of dislike.. but, his personality was totally screwed over this season! They changed him completely, and it’s sad to see! Sure, he grew up, but there is literally NOTHING left of his old character!

Now, I guess it’s time for the major controversial ship talk.... this, is a fucking WRECK. The producers of Voltron said that romance wasn’t going to be a big thing in the show. In my honest opinion, they shouldn’t have done ANY romance, no Adam and Shiro, no Allura and Lance, no nothing. They’ve gone about it all wrong, and it’s just disappointing and UNCOMFORTABLE!!!

I’ll start with Allurance. I, originally, liked Allurance. But now, it’s so over done, it’s so awkward, forced, and uncomfortable! The past six seasons, we’ve seen Lance have a meaningless crush on her. I don’t see what’s so great about her to him? He said she makes him want to be a better person, but, anyone on team Voltron makes him try harder, honestly! It just seems so stupid! And now, that lotor is out of the way, Allura all of a sudden shows interest in him? No build up? No back story? Just random blushing and caring? It sounds like a rebound! I mean, yes, I understand peoples feelings can change, but this? They’ve gone about it ALL WRONG! As well? They have said Allura doesn’t get an endgame, but Lance does? This makes no sense. They have also said for Lance’s endgame: he ends up with someone he NEEDS, not WANTS, the person he ends up chose him as a first choice! This doesn’t sound like Allura, yet, they keep pushing it on their interviews and it’s just awkward! This ISNT slowburn!!!!

Finally, Klance. Yeah, I’m upset... very upset actually. They make Lance like Allura violently and now Axca is randomly showing up and now Keith is HET? Yeah... I don’t get it. I don’t get why they made all those unnecessary Klance moments now. Bonding moment? Elevator scene? Comforting? The soft looks? The concern? The colors in the backgrounds? The built up from rivals to friends to co-leading? They were getting along so well, it was so nice! I really thought that they were the slowburn relationship the cast was so excited and quiet about! It seemed so right! But then, Keith left for the blade, and in the shipping panel they said Keith and Lance were soulmates and they wished they could have seen that earlier. I was hurt. Beyond hurt. When Keith came back, I was disappointed. They changed Keith’s personality so much... he was rude and snapping at Lance, I was like, woah? And then when Keith was rude to Allura and Lance told him he should have just stayed away? That hurt! During the game show when Lance and Keith picked each other to leave, I felt so happy! I was like, wow, they care so much for each other! Lance was so earnest with his response! He made such a soft expression and said Keith was like the future! But then Keith ruined the entire moment and said he just picked Lance because he didnt want to spend an eternity with him! Like, what? What happened to the Keith that hung onto their bonding moment? Why was he so snappy? I am so confused why they built up a nice friendship and then we get THAT from them! It seems so.. wrong now! I am hurt over it, like, genuinely. I don’t even care if they weren’t going to be in a relationship! They could have been AMAZING friends, but they ruined that! They made their friendship seem so toxic!

After this season, I’ve honestly lost my passion and fire for Voltron... I’m so disappointed and sad. Not just because of ships, but plot as well.

I also would like to say as a side note: it’s okay for people to watch a show just for ships. That’s their interest, let them do what they want and don’t attack them... we all have our personal reasons for stuff!!!

[the-little-red-noodle]

10/11/18 7:47

okay, lets talk. 

Ive had an emotional 24 hours. I’ve been anxious, i’ve been insecure, i’ve been angry and sad and hurt and manic and crazy and i need to get it out so i can fucking cleanse and move into my weekend.

It started with spencer, what like, 2 nights ago now? i dont remember when it was, but i was getting insecure and noticing how i was affecting him. it was yesterday, cuz it was wednesday. i was insecure and didnt want him to leave my room and i think i really stressed him out because i just wanted him to stay and say the things i wanted to hear, but that isnt reality. he cant read my mind, he cant know what i need to hear, thats why i need to communicate and not just suck into myself and away from him, but i didnt want to do that because i didnt want to be crazy, but then i got crazy and i made him kinda late because he dropped by at 3:30 and only expected to stay till 4 but he left at 6:27 as i needed to go to my 6:30 lab.. so i feel bad but i just agh i couldnt let him leave when i didnt feel good..

i didnt feel good because we talked about politics. he got me going on the wage gap, so i got heated talking about the misconceptions and he was (respectfully) arguing with me because he is suuupperrrr super liberal, very very left, very socialist, and he’s a politics major, so he’s well versed and i get that going in, but i also wanted to share my side because im fairly moderate; i dont believe in a lot of feminist rhetoric, or the wage gap stuff. i read the study, and it bothers me that people misuse the statistics to say that women get paid less for the same job, because that is NOT what the study found. The point was that women take different kinds of jobs than men and tend to work less hours and have less education and qualifications. THAT is the ‘feminist’ issue, not paying women less for the same job because thats illegal and cant happen. 

Heres the thing. I know there are sexist issues in our society. i know that it is harder for women than it is for men. but frankly, i feel better ignoring it as much as i can. i feel like if we keep telling women than they shouldnt be scientists because its a man job, or that society tells women that they need a leg up, because then we start believing it and internalizing and thinking we are less than men. i feel like if we just stopped talking about it, i wouldnt know that there was a gender discrepancy and id feel totally normal getting into stem. i dont want to feel like im some anomaly. and frankly yes, i notice sometimes. i notice the gender divide in stem. of fucking course i see it. i know that there are men in my neuroscience lab who think i dont know shit. im not blind, i know the STEM field is misogynistic. i know it is. but i dont like to subscribe to the feminist thing that im so held down and its because im a woman. but thats just me

anyway, my babe is very liberal and he was listening of course but also making sure i knew that the problems im ignoring are still there, which i appreciate but i also get kinda irritated with hyper liberal men because it sounds kinda guilty? like listening to a straight white man say that straight white men are the problem, annoys me. like yes thats true, but also ugh its annoying. i hate the men shame that feminism encourages.

so we kinda went back and forth for a while, which like, good that we can have real conversations, and politics is something that will inevitably come up, but as the conversation went on, i started getting insecure and anxious because confrontation scares me. not that he was really even confronting me? like spencer is such a sweet man, he’s gentle and kind and supportive and so sweet to me, and i know politics is literally his thing, and im glad that he’s super liberal as opposed to the other end. cuz like ya i am a queer woman and im glad that he seems like a strong advocate for minority groups like that, so like im glad, but i also started to feel like he was frustrated with me for like being ill informed.

 heres the thang tho, im not really ill informed. ive done my research, i watch the news, and im a big fan of shoe0nhead which admittedly is very moderate bias media, but its content i agree with. and i was telling him that im fairly moderate, and he was like ya i can tell, and i was like and politics isnt really my thing, and he was like ya i can tell. but i didnt mean that like i didnt understand politics, i meant it as like i try not to really get into the conversation (partially because of sarah lawrence)

no wait i did tell him that. i told him how involved i was in social justice stuff in new york, that i literally led the anti Trump protest in NYC after he was elected. and when i told him that, he got all dreamy eyed like it was so attractive that his girlfriend was an activist, which is cute n whatever, cuz everything he does is cute..

the point is, that after this conversation i was insecure because i felt like he would be mad at me (he wasn’t) or that he would hate me (he doesn’t). and i know that logically of course, but still... ugh idk, the conversation just got me riled up and then he had to leave town for the whole weekend and i was feeling like we wouldnt have enough time to resolve it

but he kept saying everything was fine, that he wasn’t mad, that he might disagree, but still loves me duh. and i know he meant it, but u know when you get in your head and youre like shit i said too much, and now he will never look at me the same because we slightly disagree about politics, like my moms dating a republican and they reallllyyy disagree on politics, like i will be fine! whats yer issue self?

but ya so i just felt insecure, and i know he was trying to comfort me even tho i didnt let on thaaat much that i was hurting. i feel like when people i love get confrontational with me (which again, he wasn’t) i get upset and my heart feels heavy and it hurts and i want them to leave and i would have just ended our hangout because we both had places to be and whatever we’ll deal with it later, but i knew he was leaving tonight and was gunna be busy and we couldnt deal with it so i was scared and when my attachment feels insecure, i get SO insecure. hahahaaaa i was thinking this relationship would be any different? gurl.

but heres the thing, he is.. he’s fine. he doesnt think anything is wrong and he’s still my sweet pea boyfriend. and i know that now, because i did get to say goodbye in a good re-establishing way tonight.

i knew he was leaving after his class at 6:30 tonight and i was nervous because i knew he was gunna be busy with packing up and everything.

i ran into him walking to class and we were fine and kissy and cute and i love him but as we were parting i was like can i say goodbye before you leave, but i dont think he heard me cuz he didnt really respond because we were diverging and he was giving me his sweet boy eyes with an outstretched arm as we parted and i was like shit im still insecurrrreeee

so i texted him during the first class like “hey i meant cant i say goodbye before you hit the road but sounds like yer gunna be busy so have a great weekend baby i love you!” and i meant it, i wanted to end on a good note but then he didnt respond all day, and my anxiety was mounting and i spent the rest of today in my room doing nothing but stressing about him. stressing about a boy, nothing new for me.

but eventually i got really tired and took a real nap, i had accepted that i wouldnt see him again.. sad.. i woke up at like 7:15 and i was like hmm let me see if his car is still here, ya know, cuz im crazy. i went downstairs to fill up my water bottle and his car was still in the parking lot. so ya know, i text him, cuz im crazy. and i was like drive safe babe <3 and then as i got back to my room there he was outside my door with bags in his arm to pack up his car and i was so effing relieved to see him. we hugged and kissed and he seemed genuinely happy to see me and i was so happy to get to have a moment with him before he left.

i walked him down to his car, and filled up his water bottle for him and once everything was in his car, he just kissed me.. and i know im a hopeless romantic, but i was so happy to just kiss him and feel his lips smiling and feel his arms around me and hear him giggle and be adorable.. 

my heart still hurts, but it’s different now. my heart hurts because I miss him. i already miss him even though he only just left. he’ll be gone until monday night and i might not even see him then because he’ll be exhausted, which is fair. but now im sad because ill just miss him. i know he’ll be camping and among friends and nerding out on his larping camp vacation is fresno. of course ill miss him.. because i love him..

as we were kissing by his car i was like be safe (cuz his larping thing is basically nerd war with foam weapons) and he was like “yeah i will, cant wait to see you when i get back”, and i was like yeah babe ill be here to patch you back together when you get back, and he kinda laughed at me and was like “i dont think that’ll be your intention when i get back” implying that ill probably just want to rough him up immediately when i see him like i usually do. which made me really really happy to hear cuz it was like acknowleding that everythings still good and we’re still crazy about each other and we’ll just want to fuck as soon as he’s home which is sweet to me, like to me thats such a sweet sentiment. and i just got so happy that he in his own way reminded me that like we’re still on a good track, and we’re still happy, and he still loves me, ya know?

and also as we were hugging and kissing i started scratching his back how he likes and he sorta moaned and was like “ugh im really gunna miss this.. like im gunna miss you of course, but im gunna miss your back scratches” and that made me happy.. 

he just makes me happy.. i really love him and i’m really grateful that i got to have this brief reconnection with him before he left town till monday.. 4 days without him is gunna suck, but i know he’s gunna be busy and probably not have service and be off the grid so we won’t talk unless he reaches out. but i will manage. he managed for 4 days while i was camping, so i can manage while he is nerd camping

omigod that reminds me how much i love him, again. he’s nerd camping. ugh i adore him

he was like babe you gotta come next time so we can get drunk and fight together and he was all smiley like he really wants to show me off at his nerd event which is so sweet.. and as he walked me back to the dorm entrance cuz i forgot my key, he called me his girlfriend, and even though its small, its something.. i’ll take it. 

i needed that brief little reconnection. the next 4 days i will have to detox. i have events planned like every day, so i’ll be fine. im gunna see my friends tomorrow and saturday night and i have chapter on sunday and should probably spend some time alone writing and detoxing and getting back to myself and feeling independent. 

i want time to shower and braid my hair and brush my teeth and feed my body good food and watch youtube and write. i need to stay writing. i need to keep journaling because i know how much it helps me. i need to get my emotions out and analyze why the things that upset me get to me. whats the root of the problem and how to get through it. i need that.

i was and still am so frustrated with myself that i got so insecure over one political conversation with spencer. like... thats a problem, ya know? 

and at least now that he’s out of town for the whole weekend, i dont really have an excuse for being anxious about seeing him? cuz he just drops by and i never know when cuz he doesnt text me first. like literally tonight as we were kissing outside my room he was like i came by earlier but you werent home, and i was like oh shit i was taking a nap and i slept through him coming to visit me :(( which is like oh my god that would have been so sad if i didnt get to see him on his way out because i was literally asleep! 

his dropping by, while its the cutest ever because it just like him wanting to see me, its also kind of stressful because i never know when its gunna happen, so whenever im home, im kind of anxious because he could drop in at any second, and of course i get happy when he does because then i get to see my baby, but alsoooooo it means i cant really indulge in my personal space because it could be interupted at any moment, and as i found out tonight, i cant take naps because then i could miss him :(

thats probably something we should discuss at some point, because it creates anxiety for me that is related to spencer, and i want to eliminate any bad vibes from my relationship

relationship.. he’s my boyfriend.. ohmigod wuuuuuuut im still shocked that he wanted to boo me up this much.. he’s so sweet and cute and nerdy ugh

i love him.. i need to get over this dumb insecurity that comes from mild confrontation? that wasnt even confrontation??

so lets remember the things to look forward to about this relationship

he loves me. he claims me proudly as his girlfriend. he wants to bring me to belegarth events, even this day one in san diego where he’d bring me home and introduce me to his home friends which is pretty huge.. he’s sweet, he likes spending time with me and he drops by frequently and stays for hours.. we’re good, and i know i sound crazy needing to convince myself, but thats because i dont want to bug him to validate me, especially not when he has this big event that he’s so excited for. and i want him to be excited for his event and feel secure with me, because of course i love him and want to be with him.

10:53pm i keep taking breaks from the journaling, i get distracted really easy, watching youtube and texting people.. trying to be social, its hard for me. also trying to bury my spencer texts, just cuz i know im crazy and i want to try to not think about him..

do i go walk down to the cooler to get food? or should i just subside on whatevers in my fridge.. also i really should fill up my tank.. and calculate the gas so my friends can reimburse me.. sigh

anyway, i think im feeling mostly better after yesterday. like obviously im still gunna think about it, and ill always worry if spencers as invested as me, but i gotta take it with the context that he was the one who pursued me and crushed on me from day one and wanted to date me and wanted to be exclusive with me and wanted to call me his girlfriend.. he says he loves me and he comes to visit me all the time and spends his free time with me.. he’s a sweet pea and i shouldnt be insecure about it

and not to be cryptic, but what am i even worried about? part of me was reluctant to even get into a relationship, and was supposed to be single and focusing on myself and if anything, dating women. i accidentally caught feels for an amazingly sweet nerd man, and believe me im happy about it. i love spending time with spencer and loving on him. but to be cryptic for just a second.. worst case scenario? he’s just not interested anymore and we break up. sooo? ya that would suck, and i would be heartbroken, but i would also be okay because i have good friends and the whole point of breaking up with ryan was to be single.. so..

anyway, i should probably wrap up this journal entry cuz its long and all over the place

omigod he just texted me

aww he’s letting me know that he got to his thing safely and he loves me

seeee he’s a sweet bean, yall are fine, can you chill now? he’s so into you and you dont need to be insecure about this right now

and wow i sound crazy writing this much, i’ve literally been writing for hours. i know i need to journal more, and this is literally just stream of consciousness for hours and hours.. alright, ima end here and do hw maybe..

stay grateful. stay happy. life is good, you are blessed. friends are good. boyfriend is good. school is good for now kinda haha but i need to stay positive! yes i have bad days, yes i have low points, yes i get insecure and sad and upset and lonely. but i am so very lucky to be alive and to be surrounded by support and love and to feel and give love freely. i am lucky to have found friends i can trust. i am lucky to still have my close friends from beyond this year of oxy. i am beyond lucky to have an incredible man in my life. and also its halloween season which means lots of fun family stuff and so many fun parties on and off campus and looking forward to showing off my jessica rabbit costume and seeing spencers cowboy beebop costume and just drooling over each other ^-^ 

it is going to be a great rest of this month, and after this is november, which means thanksgiving and family stuff, and better fall weather hopefully and that means getting spencer to wear more sweaters.. mmmph and then after that is december which means holiday season, and more family stuff, and of course, finding a time to see spencer and be cozy and watch christmas movies and again, get him into more sweaters.. mmmmmmmph yes babe

there is so much to look forward to!! events and planning christmas presents for people omigod im gunna start that note on my phone, theres so much to do!! cuz i also have so many new great friends for this holiday season which means more presents for people which im always excited about :) and getting to watch my puppy grow up and see my family and take in the quality time together <3 

i am loved. i am blessed. i am grateful. i want to spread love and positive vibes and happiness and love! so much love :)

okay. that’s all for tonight. shower, brush teeth, go to sleep. take care of yourself. LOVE