#there is no way to ‘look androgynous’ (which is what I want)

[kidicaruslover911]

blue eye samurai actors AU headcanons ft reader

tw: none except for the mention of M*k*o, not proofread, pitiful attempt at being humorous at 1 in the morning

a/n: i snuck a few references in here onto the bes cast, see if you can find them!! let’s just pretend you got akemi’s role. plus i did this on a whim please do not crucify me if i got certain details things wrong about the acting domain😔🙏 I MISS MY WIFE OH MY GAWWWD anyway, ENJOY!

Interviewer: Who are you?

Taigen: “Man, I be that pretty motherfucker man…”

Interviewer: “Taigen?”

Taigen *smug ass smile while nodding in agreement*: “Yessir”

Interviewer: “Tokunobu?”

Taigen*nods again*: “Yessir”

Madame Kaji *was probably told some bizarre joke by Fowler a second ago and let’s out the loudest laugh ever while covering her mouth*: “OH GOD- *keeps on laughing* I am uhm.. I’m Madame Kaji!”

Ringo: “Who are you-” *cackles like a witch*

Interviewer: “You’re Ringo?”

Ringo *stops abruptly*: “yeah, I’m Ringo yeah”

Interviewer: Who are you?

You: “My name is Beyoncé- Nah I’m just playing. It’s Y/N, I act and I sing and I Love reading fanfiction and I do stuff and stuff!”

Interviewer: And who are you?

Mizu: “I’m…Mizu…*awkward silence* the vengeful and badass samurai, yeah that’s me.”

Interviewer turns the mic towards a certain redhead.

Fowler: “Uhm Ed…I’m Ed today.”

- Originally you had simply accompanied a friend who absolutely wanted the role of ‘Akemi’ to an audition

- You had a vague idea of what the plot of the series was and either way it wasn’t like you were that much interested in acting

- But from your looks, mannerisms and personality as soon as you had walked in the directors almost immediately insisted on having you play the script (with no experience might i add) out to them and decided you'd make a perfect princess

- Yeah very odd but just like that you ended up getting casted for an upcoming Netflix series‼️

- You didn't waste a second to tell your girlfriend about this series and how they were still looking for the mc

- They were looking for an androgynous wasian female, at least least 5’7ft (170cm) tall, a good voice range, somewhat athletic and some sort of basic knowledge in martial arts.

- No prior acting skills needed, which was quite a gamble tbh

- Because of the amount of people that wanted the role, a face to face audition was not possible

- And what do you know?

-You absolutely suggested her as the mc, it was literally her

-Same name too I mean seriously-

- Girly did NOT want to send in that audition tape, you practically had to beg her to do it, because you just knew she’d rock

-She was happy for you but the whole revenge thing simply didn't ring anything within her

- Kind of felt as if you were putting way too much faith in her

- Took you weeks of convincing and even when she did send in the audition video it was on the last day like 30 minutes before the deadline😭

- Did the audition with zero intentions of getting casted, literally just read the script with her attitude and ran with it

- Expected everything but a positive feedback and it was only when she found out that the directors loved it that she sort of decided to take this acting stuff seriously.

- And since you were going to be there as well, she guessed that it wouldn't be all that much of a drag

- The two of you started journaling but from the pov of your character, researching about Edo Japan and you’d read each others thoughts from time to time and try to explain your understanding of your characters feelings to one another

- Both of you had too loose some weight and locked into the gym like never before

- It’s not like any of you were professional actors either way so,

- Mizu was very open to criticism and eager to learn

-and she learned fast too

-also pretty easy to be around.

- Kept looking for ways to better her acting and Fowler sort of became her mentor in that domain

-She quickly surpassed his expectations ngl

- That was genuine fear btw he later joked about how he almost pissed his pants at her performance

- Says he can’t wait to see her in more shows and different genres!

-Although Mizu wanted to take a well deserved break after BES

- At some point your girlfriend decided to rent a one room apartment and go into solitary confinement to fully concentrate on her role as Mizu, the self loathing samurai

- Method acting!

- Swordfather and Fowler were long friends before the BES

- You and Ringo literally became cousins the second you met on set, the two of you had a signature greeting and everything 🤎

- The directors were NOT playing when it came to the minuscule details such as the accuracy of either your walk or how you bowed, how you held your head, how you ate-

- Months and months of training, especially for both you and Mizu, five days a week, 3-4 hours fighting choreography hammered into her skull and it showed

- Which resulted in her being able to do a good 70% of her stunts

- Dislocated her left shoulder and almost broke her rib in this scene

- It freaked the shit out of you and they had to stop filming for a few days. Mizu had to spend a full week reassuring you that she was still alive and breathing and doing well

-The stunt in question didn't make it any easier to believe

- Claimed it was ‘just a funny bone’💀

- Months and months of training and practicing japanese edo period courtesy for you, five days a week, 3-5 hours of walking like a princess, dancing, talking, studying renga, Ikebana and many more Japanese arts from that period of time, getting used to them heavy robes on you, THE HAIR AND PINS

- You could NOT lay down with these traditional hairstyles, you’d have professionals do it once a week and they’d expect you to keep it for that full week

- Your head felt heavy af

- You had to sleep on a takamakura (small elevated wooden pillow) to not mess up your hair which helped immerse yourself even more into your role

- They had literal specialists of the period to show you how it goes, kimono’s that hadn’t seen the light of day in centuries where whipped out to be replicated for your measurements specifically

- It was a lot

- But it all paid off in the end!

- Your girlfriend would forget to tune back her voice even after filming, you never bothered to mention it though

-Her low voice stayed even weeks after the shooting of the series but you didn’t mind it at all🙏

-It was like hearing her morning voice 24/7 lmaooo

- In this scene Mizu accidentaly struck the training sword way to high up in between that man’s legs and crushed his nuts real bad.

- Spent the entire week apologizing and looking after the guy for the rest of the filming

- Ringo sort of got adopted by you and Mizu on set and kept having mini panic attacks whenever Mizu executed her stunts ���

- She had the two of you in a chokehold.

- The scene where Ringo unintentionally asks Mizu how two girls in a brothel could work was genuine and not scripted and both you and Mizu had fight for your lives to stay in character

-After filming the scene where Mizu lets the guards take you away the whole set jokingly kept calling it your character's 'breakup scene'

- Swordfather is Ringo’s real life dad!!

- Mizu’s a natural at improvising comebacks, mainly because she couldn't get a hang of quite a few lines but that didn't stop people from being baffled by her quickness.

- Like, she just makes stuff up and it works

- "…it's trash", “Should I’ve been counting?” and "I like your hair" were one of the many lines that were not scripted but they still kept it in.

- Mizu's reaction in the scene where she sees you in that carriage for the very first time in the series was very much real

- like she was NOT prepared.

- jaws on the floor and everything, that afternoon the directors had made sure she hadn't caught as much as a glimpse of you in the robes and makeup on set to get the most authentic reaction possible and it WORKED.

- The script only said "stares curiously" but her longing ass made it 100 times better HAHHAHAA

- no but really she was admiring the view and Fowler claimed that it almost looked like she was about to chase that carriage

-genuinely could not take her eyes off of you in general but with you role as the princess it became 50 times worse

-could not stop complimenting you and if it weren't for her character she would've gotten all the more touchier

- Even if Taigen was supposed to be your lover you couldn’t even remotely stand him as a character but formed a good friendship with him on set

-He was actually getting engaged irl!!

- You could NOT keep a straight face after saying the fish line “I’d marry you even if you were the son of a poor fish” with Taigen and kept on bursting out laughing, you didn’t know why you found it so funny

- The sex scene with him was…something 💀🙏🙏

- He kept asking you and Mizu if he had both yalls approval

-Very mindful

- The directors couldn't really bring in a double for this...

- It’s not like y’all were fucking for real and there wasn’t much passion between you and him either way

- And you weren’t truly naked either to so it was just very bland and you didn’t really know what to think of it

- The scene that followed had to be shot a good 15 times because of how awkward the whole situation was…you could NOT keep a straight face, they ended up making the scene shorter than it was supposed to be

-The fact that you had to act as a seductress of men the more the story went on was super strange to you at first but you sort of got over it (you never really liked it tbh)

- Mizu accidentally kept hitting Taigen too hard during the chopstick fight😭

- Which was also his fault because in the beginning she actually tried to avoid hurting him seriously but Taigen really just screamed

- "COME AT ME FOR FUCKS SAKE. I want to kill you, BE ANGRY, BE COCKY. Show me what you can do, show me that you’re better than me!!”

- It made her act more intensely

- Accidentally knocked Taigen out for real with the broken blade

- Taigen jokingly kept apologizing to you when they shot that scene where he beats the crap out of Mizu after the chopstick fight because he knows how little you like the character he plays

- Fowler kept making gay bed chem jokes with Heiji and bro was a victim💀🙏

Ringo is probably taking a video of the scenery's set from the Edo castle until the camera falls onto a casually eating and conversating Heiji and Fowler

They're just standing there with coffee and a bagel. It's break time.

But the moment the smartphone's lens captures the duo, this huge redhead smirks and grasps yet another chance to embarrass his poor colleague.

Fowler with an arm swung around Heiji: "Me and Heiji cuddle and watch Smack DVD" :333

You can hear Ringo holding back a snort behind the phone before almost immediately wheezing at the thought. The camera shakes slightly from it.

Heiji (this was probably this man's last straw) *deadpans and stares into the cameraman's soul*: "| don't cuddle-*

You *peeking in from the corner of the screen*: "He be licking this guy's hair like 'UGHHH😝’

You lean into Heiji's personal space with the demonstration while humoring Fowler and simultaneously having him crack the loudest cackle ever.

Heiji shaking his head at you *he's about to end it all*: "I don't- I don't do that. That's not true-"

You stop him midway of his excuses in a 'and i'm going to hold your hand when I say this' type of way:

"I know you don't do that-"

Fowler plops up between the two of you with a grinch smile, a hand on both of your shoulders and he really looks like he's trying to rizz up the camera man😭:

“I do that.”

Ringo, Fowler’s and your own laugh could be heard throughout the entire set and Heiji could only pinch his brows in visible defeat, the video ends there.

- Fowler was probably one of the the nicest men you’d ever met, very supportive and kind and even if you had zero scenes with him, you still hung around him a lot

- great life coach!

- Biggest fan of older Disney movies and Tom and Jerry, and I mean like the 1940s - 1980s cartoons

- Made you feel super safe at first but when you saw him in his element he did scare the shit out of you sometimes

- A proud you x mizu shipper too

- Has tons of pictures of the two of you sleeping in on each others shoulders on set, goofing around, videos of you reciting your lines to each other...

- His favorite is by far the one after the thousand claw army scene was shot, where you have an arm around her shoulder, leaning into her face while staring at the camera and flashing a peace sign next to her cheek. You were also pressing a kiss on it. There is a trail of fake blood trailing across your face and Mizu’s clothing seems ruined with filth

- Your girlfriend has her own arm snuck around your waist, her other hand is holding her naginata/sword, face painted in fake blood as well while rolling her eyes with a soft smile.

- Y’all managed to look silly while barely surviving a hundred men’s attack😭🙏

- He printed it out and signed it ‘disaster lesbians <3”

- Fowler affectionately calls the two of you ‘Boney and Clyde’ 💀🤎

-Mizu wearing Taigen's scarf lowkey made you jealous even if you had to admit that it suited her so well

- You were highkey fangirling when you first got to meet Madame Kaji's actress face to face like...Mulan's VA fr??? The legend?

- Also just look at the woman, absolutely stunning.

- She thought that you were the cutest and you two couldn't wait to get your scenes together

- This lady helped you boost your confidence in your acting

- Madame Kaji was quite literally everyone's mom/idol on set

- literally such a diva but still very humble

- Chainsmoker but surprisingly doesn't smell, or at least not in an unpleasant way

- She makes the best tiramisu

- Kept soft parenting everyone

-Ringo and Kaji had already known each other irl and they were ALWAYS on smoking breaks together although he doesn't smoke

- Both him and Fowler deeply respect her and her work

- These two (Kaji and Fowler) were gossip and wine aunts trust.

-Ringo once ate Oreos on set but in the way where you separate the two biscuits and nibble on the filling first and then you eat the rest.

-That's when you realized he really was your brother from another mother

-Heiji kept saying that this is sacrilege‼️

- The scene where you drugged Mizu's cup and she's playing stupid while trashtalking Taigen was a challenge for you, they had to redo 7 takes because you kept forgetting that you were supposed to hate her and she was your target to kill it was ridiculous 😭

*Mizu almost drinks the sake*

“Hot”

“Where I’m from that’s how the men prefer it.” *you clear your throat*

*Long awkward silence where Mizu has to hold back a smile*

“And I’d also prefer not to be so nuts to that damn line I cannot remember it- And stop looking at me like that” 💀

Your line was “Kyoto”🙏🙏

CUT!!!

-You absolutely wanted to lunge at her but for all the wrong reasons..

- And Mizu's smug ass was not helping, she genuinely couldn't stop laughing and teasing you after the final take.

- You also had no idea Mizu was supposed to straddle you-

- Another thing that wasn’t scripted.

- On your script it only said that she'd pin you to the ground which was already a lot to handle in the first place,

- but you were really good at staying in character and since you were genuinely struggling and putting up such a fight against her, Mizu just decided to full on straddle you, yup

- And when she leaned down,

QUIET ON SET!

ROLL SOUND!

ROLL CAMERA!

bes scene #254 take 1

ACTION!!

*you almost die when you feel her hips press down on you*

- "You think I don't remember you? Princess Akemi of the Tokunobu clan. You drugged my cup"

-"I wish it was poison"

- That's when Fowler whisper screams "ok now KISS!!!" off camera and the entire set had to hold it in, like there was so much tension between the two of you even the directors had to let out a little laugh.

-They had to cut it out

"A fucking brat." 'Mizu your line was 'I see why he likes you. You're just like Taigen when we were children. Pathetic'

- They still kept her own version.

- It definitely made you feel some type of way.

- Mizu could not stop crying for like a solid 30 minutes after shooting the scene where she kills Kinuyo, somehow it felt way too personal

- You had to hold her that entire night too

- Almost threw up when she had to make it look like an accident even though she knew that everyone was doing well

- There were also moments where people just couldn’t speak with her beforehand or else she would break character, for example the scene where M*k*o betrays her...she asked to be left alone for a good 30 minutes before filming it, that's how committed she ended up being to her role

-The chest bindings...(!!!)

-Her performance made you so proud- like you knew she would be amazing but it also had you very worried about her mental state

- Definitely sought therapy after shooting the series, her character had forced her to go into deep dark places in order to act out the female rage parts the best she could and it showed

- In this scene your very first reaction was the realest ever

bes scene #401 take 1

ACTION!

“Rabbit liver in a velouté of what now?” 😭😭😭

CUT!!

- You knew about this beforehand of course but still

- One of the interesting things was the period accurate food and how much they tried to stay true to the recipes.

- Like reading about it and then seeing and smelling it irl are two different things

- Instead of horse semen they did end up using egg white

- The rabbit liver was rabbit liver tho

- First bite almost made you choke by instinct but you swallowed it anyway

- Ouhhhh they were trying you which made you even better at forcing you to stay in character, because that’s exactly what the princess is going through. She can't afford to mess up

- The scent was everything but appealing but lucky you they replaced what was supposed to be pig blood with very dark grape juice, not that it really helped but that was one less horrible thing

- You were supposed to take one bite only, a once in a lifetime experience!

you almost died and had to reshoot 4 times because you kept gagging

another blooper-

"Many famous samurai prefer the stamen to the pistil"

-So what happened here was that miss Mizu had once again forgotten her line and instantly replied “I’m not gay.” to Madame Kaji’s advances 💀

- So Madame Kaji just played along

“You’re not?” *visibly confused, like 'huh🤨'??*

“No….I mean not like that-“ *side eyes the camera*

“A lot of lying today-” *she's now smirking*

“I have a partner of my own” *The girl already messed up the scene so it doesn't really matter what she says next*

"Then it appears that the gentleman might simply prefer the petal against... another petal" *Mizu immediately whips her head at the woman with a cocked brow (she's trying to stay in character so bad, but she's also simply speechless) who cannot contain her amusement any further and laughs brightly*

CUT!!

-Another personal headcanon I have is that Lady Itoh and Madame Kaji knew each other irl and had a short affair-

I should sleep!

If you also miss our vengeful, silly and murderous blue eyed queen then you should defintely read my fanfiction on ao3!

The Damsel of Devastation Masterlist

alright seriously now.

I should sleep.

[dreadark]

so why is Luka obsessed with Hyuna anyway?

(mostly just trying to get my thoughts on Luka down before blink gone rewires my brain)

every pet human is extremely limited in freedom, but Luka's case is definitely the worst literally even his birth was by Heperu's design... he can't control any aspect of his own life, from his participation of ALNST (twice!) to what he eats on a daily basis

*translations all by whatafruit

humans have no power over segyein, and Luka doesn't even have any power over own his own body so what can he have power over, then?

other humans, of course

most obvious in round 5: Luka would've had an easy win even if he barely tried, but he goes out of his way to provoke Mizi anyway until she finally snaps... and he smiles as he's beaten

because this is his "power." he successfully manipulated Mizi into reacting, proving he has some control over the situation no matter how pointless it is in the grand scheme of things, this is all he can influence, so he makes the absolute most of it and this control is so important to him he doesn't care about his own physical injuries

it's Hyuna talking in this comic, but clearly reflecting Luka's own mentality

while for Hyuna it's likely just her love for singing and performing (whatever happens, they can't take this away from her) for Luka I imagine it's the ability to influence others from the stage (crushing his opponents, but also shaping his fanbase?)

...so back to Luka -> Hyuna

it’s mentioned more than a few times that Hyuna’s a really talented performer, but seeing their respective stat pages really drives it in

(think the “superiority test” Hyuna was put through relates to this also)

Hyuna doesn't seem to have been created in any special way like Luka was… she just has a natural affinity to performing. and that's enough that she’s considered a real rival to Luka—Luka, who was literally made for this, and put through constant hellish training on top (the pain of having your heart stopped...) to mold him into the perfect idol

to Luka… if he can’t dominate Hyuna, he can't even take pride in his own ability (that everything he's forced to go through amounts to something?). and power over other humans is all he has, so he needs to overpower Hyuna (also he likely admires Hyuna’s talents at the same time, which just adds to his twisted feelings)

so since his ability isn't enough... by making someone think of you, only you… that’s another way of having power over someone, isn’t it

“your life is mine” “I told you I only wanted one thing”

whatever exactly happened with Hyunwoo… well that certainly worked. both removing Hyuna's most important person and making Luka someone she can't not think of (oh and he doesn't seem particularly interested in Hyunwoo despite how similar the siblings are in personality? Hyunwoo was even the first to approach Luka, not Hyuna so it's likely because he doesn't have his sister's talents)

but you know how his intimacy(?) value for her is only 70% I figure that's because she escaped, so they could never actually face off onstage... maybe he's disappointed in her "wasting" her ability

what all this amounts to is that she did end up escaping his control, and he never even got to compete against her. so until he can somehow completely overpower her, he'll be obsessed with her

I wonder if this represents his final effort to that... ultimately, he values control over his own well-being, so if he can goad Hyuna into killing him, then doesn't that cement his power over her?

and maybe "saves" him from this hellish life too

kind of a tangent, but I really like how their designs contrast this dynamic Luka looks really angelic and androgynous, so from appearance he seems fragile and like someone to be protected (which even Hyuna seemed to be tricked by when they were younger) and Hyuna obviously looks the stronger one in comparison (very #girlboss (lol...))

but their relationship is one where Luka's trying to control her and Hyuna's trying to escape it... that "beautiful lady" line of ruler of my heart always felt somewhat uncomfortable, and then learning it's actually pitiful (가련한) instead of beautiful is... ...it's a very gendered dynamic, if you get what I mean. despite their surface-level appearances going against what's considered typical

[dolphin-diaries]

Who Gets To Talk Detransition?

Originally published on Dolphin Diaries

The story is supposed to go like this: a trans cult, or maybe the medical establishment, steals a young girl under its ghastly wing. A wounded girl, a scared one, desperate for reprieve from a violent world that has whipped her into self-hatred. The kidnapping cultists promise an escape. A cure to the horror of her body. Then, mutilation follows, which a brave few will eventually try to undo—only they never quite can.

No, wait.

The story is supposed to go like this: some people are trans men. They are assigned female at birth, but they are men, and so some want to make their body male. But sometimes, a select few regret their transition. They aren’t trans men. They’re actually cis—in agreement with their sex—but they’ve made a mistake for whatever reason. They are very scarce. A statistically inconsequential minority to which we ought not cede ground. After all, why should a society be concerned with a statistically minuscule people?

Regardless of which way you tell it, two constants remain. One: the trans and the detrans are antagonistic; the detrans have been hurt by transition care and now threaten its existence. Two: those that detransition are seeking to correct a prior mistake. Be it from the right or left, the story is always that of failure and regret.

Part I: When Your Worst Fears Come True

September 2023 marked the eighth anniversary of me starting testosterone. Getting HRT was something I’d fought for with great difficulty and determination: I’d burned bridges with an abusive family; I’d come out a year prior to the entirety of my university class and had already lived as a man; I then dropped out of university so I could work a full-time job to afford HRT. I did all this with full knowledge that I could not access the legal transition system in my country. I’d be unable to change my gender marker and would have to deal with that fact in a place where most people barely know what ‘transgender’ is, let alone accept it. But I was willing to weather all of that, and to my luck, I had no trouble passing for a man, and the vast majority of friends and acquaintances accepted me.

Needless to say, I was ecstatic to start testosterone. In adolescence my masculinity had been denied to me, the feminine traits of myself and my body forcibly exaggerated to put me in my (woman’s) place. Now, it felt like having all the features I’d come to despise overtaken by new growth. Like a ruin reclaimed by fresh ivy. I wasn’t entirely content—I wanted to be indistinguishable from a cis man, untouched by any insidious womanhood whatsoever. Only I found most cis men either uninspired-looking or repugnant, so… a pretty cis man? Androgynous, but not too androgynous, so I don’t get gay-bashed?

The real end goal I wished of my body was nebulous. There was no man I could cite as the Ur-Man for me, trans or cis, neither in character nor appearance. It wasn’t for lack of the much maligned Good Male Role Models in my life; I simply resonated with none of them. But there was life to be lived anyway. So I put one foot in front of the other, and sometimes, I knew my steps were dictated as much by fear of transphobia as they were by my own desires.

There are many things to fear while living as trans. One of my most personal anxieties was detransition. A forced one would be most horrid; to be put in a position where my bodily autonomy, so hard-won, could be stripped away as if it never existed.

But my strangest fear was that I would want to detransition. Not from some cruel necessity or right-wing brainwashing or what have you; genuinely, rationally, actively want it.

I knew why I feared that. Whenever I met another trans man or heard of their stories, some jigsaw puzzles would simply not fit. I never once desired to be a man until I learned of trans men’s existence. Never sought to play the role of a man and only half-enjoyed them now, if at all. Never, not even now, dreamt of myself as a man. At times another trans man would have the same ‘odd’ pieces, but then something else would find itself amiss again. On and on that list went.

One might call this a foregone conclusion in retrospect. Shouldn’t I have known? Shouldn’t a doctor have known? But this rather ignores that the psychology and study of transsexuality are hopelessly warped with attempts to eradicate it. My country’s procedures were dated. The questionnaires I took to have my doctor conclude I’m transsexual? Those were lousy with decades-dated misogyny (do you like housework? do you get aroused by housework? or maybe by cars?) and with voyeuristic, invasive questions (how do you have sex? how do you masturbate?) There were correct answers; there was no variation, which is only allowed for the cisgender. That procedure has since improved, especially in the West, but the traces remain. How does one introspect on one’s gender when that was the model for it? How does one even attempt to unravel the relationship between misogyny and desire to abandon womanhood when to do so threatens access to medical care? What sign ought I have looked for to distinguish myself from trans men when it was demanded no distinctions exist?

One does not exit a hostile care system with a healthier, more stable identity. That is nothing short of a miracle.

September 2023 marked the eighth anniversary of me exiting hostile care with a coveted prize in my grasp. It also marked the moment I looked in the mirror and saw exactly what I’d sought to win in that hellscape: an indisputable man. Not a cis man, of course, but one bereft of all the features that had haunted me to the point of self-harm. I was free, I had won; no one would ever look at me and think me a woman—no one ever did, those days.

I had won. And in my victory, I felt nothing at all.

Part II: Failure and Regret

The Right invests much bombast into transition regret. Loud ring the warning bells: this could happen to you! Your child! A girl with so much to live for, rendered barren, flat-chested, a misshapen man-thing! You, too, will live to regret it!

It amuses me. Queerness and butchness had marked me long ago; I was never particularly buxom or fecund. Never, in the heterosexist sense, something worthy of desire. I was a misshapen man-thing far before I asked people to call me ‘he.’ The people who made sure I knew I was a monster man-woman were precisely the kinds of people that now warned me away from turning myself into what—according to them—I already was. The sheer parental panic with which I’d been forced into makeup and dresses, you’d think I transitioned already.

Even more amusingly, sometimes the Right claims to care about butch lesbians. Tomboys are being mutilated, they say. It’s an imposition of gender stereotypes; women can be masculine!

But if the Right believes women can be lesbian and masculine, what’s with the whole fixation on ruined femininity and birthing wombs?

Indeed, the Right’s acceptance of detransitioned women is full of little caveats. They are to be paraded as damaged goods at conservative rallies. Their lost breasts and ovaries will be ever-ogled, figuratively if not literally, and the ‘irreversible damage’ left by testosterone examined with morbid fascination. They are the Right’s Magdalenes. They’re proof there’s good in the transgressive—that is, that the enemy can be pitied, assimilated. As an underclass, of course. They’re never to truly cease being damaged, for they must be proof that sex can only be ruined, never changed.

For a detransitioner, there is temptation in the Right’s conditional acceptance. It offers an easy answer to their current pain. The past choice they may regret or suffer under—why, it should’ve been prevented! If only you listened to the right authorities, all would’ve been well. Not altogether different than regretting a marriage or college major. Many an adult decries stupid choices of youth—and those certainly happen—but what’s scariest of all is the notion you weren’t making rash or ill-informed decisions. I know I wasn’t. And if that is so, then it means the current self—the mature one, the one with 20/20 hindsight—could make a mistake, too.

Right-wing detransitioners take for granted there exists a guardian angel that could’ve healed them of the gendered distress they once felt and showed them a path to contentment. That is a very tall order, considering how misogynistic and hostile psychiatry and psychology are, historically speaking. And that’s to say nothing of religion. But at least they would’ve been prevented from transitioning; misery averted—right?

My guardian angel, you could say, was lack of funds. I wanted top surgery—double mastectomy—but there was no way I could afford it, not in many years’ time. Now I realise I would’ve come to regret it and would’ve likely sought to reverse its effects. So I’m all good, right? I benefitted from how flawed trans healthcare is, didn’t I?

Perhaps. But there was a reason I wanted a mastectomy, and not a frivolous one. Every time I needed to see a doctor for a respiratory infection, I did so in fear of transphobic malpractice. I would minimise the time I spent in places where my chest could be exposed—gyms, pools, beaches, goddamned corporate retreats. And then there was the way my body, breasts included, had been used to prove to me I was not just a woman but Woman, a biodestined vessel for coy giggles, cookware, and pregnancy. And how that made me feel.

Indeed, I would later find out there are women and nonbinary people that do not identify with manhood yet seek the exact same top surgery I once wanted, for similar reasons. With no regrets. They wish to take control of their body and do so. And I know that, had I been able to get top surgery in the past, it would’ve made me happy for a good while.

So what’s more important: years of constant anxiety, or lack of hypothetical regret?

The right-wing detransitioner assumes one’s current self to be the ultimate judge of one’s choices—but take that principle to its logical conclusion, and it will seem like no decision should ever be made. There is always a prospective Future You which possesses more knowledge. Always the possibility of regret. Of course, decisions in life are sort of inevitable, but don’t worry about that—the powers that be will handle that. Ancestral tradition, or a caring authority figure. That’s also all humans with exactly the same issues, but don’t worry about that either. Maybe God is speaking through them. You never know.

In the end, the prescripts of the Right march to the same grim conclusion. That the only decision you can ever make with total certainty is death.

Part III: Death, the Tarot Kind

Queer culture delights in tales of transformation. We were all once larval—in the closet, often abused and scared. Trapped in a world of rigid roles and brutal dominion. But one day, we hope to metamorphose into our true shape and to take flight above a blissful, lawless, ever-shifting sea of change.

Most queer people are cisgender, and more still do not seek to transition, but the nature of all our transgressions is intimately entwined with gender anyway. We’re all doing it ‘wrong,’ by the wider society’s definition, even the most masculine of cis gay men or the most feminine of cis lesbian women. Unsurprising, then, are the queer community’s various attempts to embrace gender variance and to lay bare the plasticity of sex.

There is nothing per se about detransition that does not fit this mould. If gender is to be fucked with, why not take it for a swing? Indeed, in my experience most queer people would agree it’s entirely possible to detransition without weaponising transphobia or lapsing rightward.

But that’s usually a hypothetical thought exercise that ends exactly there. Maybe that queer person knows a detransitioner, maybe they don’t; regardless, the lives of the detransitioned do not interact with queer ideas of sex/gender, or indeed queer ideas about anything. The only time the detransitioned are really remarked on is only to state our statistical insignificance—or rather, the statistical insignificance of transition regret. I don’t personally regret my transition for the most part, so I wouldn’t even count there.

Whereas the Right sings lyrical about all the motivations and trials and tribulations of the detransitioned (and deftly twists the verses to fit the chorus), the Left does not usually consider the lives of the detransitioned at all. Mistakes happen, they suppose. Kind of funny we ‘failed at gender’ twice. Too bad we’re so miserable, they guess. What, ‘the patriarchy made you do it’? BuzzFeed feminism is so-o-o 2010s, bro.

It would be accurate to surmise the queer community has ceded the concept of detransition to the Right. The queer stance is, in effect, ‘it doesn’t matter anyway’—a defensive and reactive one.

That is not to say the Left as a whole is to blame for grifting detransitioners or the Right itself—the blame is always, first and foremost, on the ones that actually do the harm. And the negligence of the Left doesn’t really harm those that happily push others under the bus—sadly, some people are just assholes. No, the consequences are felt instead by detrans people that have no desire to participate in the transphobia circus, and after that, trans people themselves. The Right’s deathgrip on the detransition narrative means detransition itself is conceptually tied to the Right. Because there is no alternative trans-positive narrative, there is no way to exist as detrans and not affirm someone else’s transphobia, no matter how many times you say you don’t hate trans people. After all there is only one thing people think of when they hear ‘detransitioner.’ And now you are it, whether you like it or not.

I feared I would detransition because, on some level, I knew I might. But why fear it? It’s hard to be trans. There are clear privileges to socially presenting as your birth sex. Doctors will readily help you undo transition. I didn’t want to grift—well, fucking fantastic. Easy enough to not do something. What’s the problem?

I feared it because it’s soul-crushing to know your existence hurts the people you love most. Your friends, partners, mentors. So many cis people in my past knew me as The Trans Person—and now what? How much of the good I had done would be ruined? And by what possible example could I imagine my life as a detransitioner? What is there to even aspire to? And what about everything I’d sacrificed to transition in the first place? All the strife and ridicule I endured, only to have it whispered to me from leering faces: “See? We were right all along.”

All that, to face alone.

At a certain point my resistance to the idea of detransition was motivated only by this. Only by what others would make of me against my will. Not my personal desires. Nothing else at all. To be turned into such a spectacle, a public property of a person, felt like nothing short of death.

Part IV: Afterlife

I decided to start this substack after listening to every podcast appearance by Lucy Kartikasari I could find. She is a detrans woman with a similar yet different story; she transitioned much younger, but went through a similarly arcane approval system and years of waiting; she is not a lesbian; she has detransitioned, and she speaks in favour of trans healthcare and trans rights. The name Dolphin Diaries also originates with her—or rather, with a different, anonymous user, whose idea she broadcast on her TikTok. A dolphin as a symbol of detransition; a mammal that evolved from the ocean to walk on land and then returned to an aquatic life. I find it an appealing and pithy comparison, one free of unnecessary gendering or judgement.

There are precious few voices that speak of detransition in a positive, non-right-wing light. It’s a perspective fraught with thorny, uncomfortable questions. A perspective which is easier to ignore—unless you can’t. If for no one else, I write this for people that felt the same way I did. Trapped, not by ‘mistakes’ or by ‘gender ideology’, but by the image others have painted of them before they could even protest.

I do not write this for the Right. There is nothing I can say that would sway you, and there is nothing you can say that would sway me—and believe me, I have listened more carefully and with far more good faith than you ever have. Feel free to comment how much you pity my womb, or something. I promise to leave its fertility a mystery. I’m a tease that way.

As for other potential readers of this blog: while I do believe it a failure of queer rhetoric to adequately synthesise detransition into the overall gender politic, I don’t believe it’s everyone else’s job to create that synthesis. Who better than a detransitioner, after all? I ask not that you solve my problems for me.

I ask only that you listen.

[valentine-cafe]

˖⁺. “ hell-bound ! ” :

﹙ top demon lord x bttm angel fem reader﹚. 𖹭 ݁

. . . valerius ariti x fem angel reader !! 🍓:﹙ demon ˖ hex rhytaari character ﹚

you lose a bet to a demon-lord and find yourself at the foot of his throne. what do you do when the price is to be paid in your body? an angel like yourself, corrupted by a demon

﹙ cws﹚: explicit content ˖ dubcon ˖ rough sex ˖ penetrative sex ˖ riding ˖ degradation ˖ creampie ˖ bet making ˖ corruption kink ˖ virginity loss | wc :1.0k

﹙ receipts﹚: people be sleeping on vale a bit too much like aahhhh this man is SOO

꒰other treats: guidelines ˖ m.list ˖ characters ˖ our lore ꒱

Angel!Reader !! 🍒 : Who lost a bet not only to a demon — but the most formidable Lord of the Abhorration. What a fool you were. A silly little pigeon fresh out of the divine realms. Fluttering your new pair of wings and flaunting your newborn freedom. Fly away, little bird. Fly right into the demon’s clutched. His clawed hands will welcome you greedily. With sweet smiles and sinister stares. Here you are, knelt before his throne. Quivering. Feathers flutter to the ground with your tremble. You can barely look upon him. “Poor little bird. . .” “Wh-What do you want from me?” “What I want? Or what I crave?”

Angel!Reader !! 🍒 : Who the Lord of Hex’s has taken quite an interest in. You didn’t expect the tender touch across your face. He rose from his throne to caress you like a frightened, wounded woodland creature. One of the purer critters that trotted through these vast, cursed lands. He tilts your head up so that you are met with his bronze face. The sheer magnificence of his androgynous features adorned with long rivers of gold flowing from his head. Compliments to the gilted chains dangling from all around. Why must a being of malice look so mesmerising? Was a demon or a siren? Even his voice lured you in. Poor little bird indeed, fluttering to the maw of a beast. “I have always pondered how an angel must feel . . . like zenith? Perhaps I should not judge a book by cover. Might you be dirtier than the pits from which we crawl?” His grin speaks his thoughts. Even still, you cannot bring yourself to withdraw from the claws wrapped around your jaw. If anything, you melt. Like an angel in heat. What a disgrace.

Angel!Reader !! 🍒 : Who becomes the perfect fucktoy for such a cruel being. Sprawled out on his lap as he leans back into his throne. You worship his cock with the way you bounce upon it. Even if you struggle. Even if your walls clamp and weep around his large girth. All you’ll receive is a clawed clap to the ass. A squeeze of the fat and a crooned voice in your ear. “Is this how you treat a Lord? Pitiful.” Yet still he’s rubbing at your clit with a sly thumb. In slow, tight circles that echo your sobs through his temple. You’re dripping all over him with every orgasm. Staining the base of his dick in a perfect ring of cream. Oh, how he throbs within you.

Angel!Reader !! 🍒 : Who is made to face forward while he pounds up into you. Shakes your sacred body like a covenant shattering. He cares not for his servant’s curious eyes. To the demons that stare upon you with just as much greed. But they know not to touch. Valerius does enough of that with his hands of heat trailing all over you skin. Mapping out the divine flesh that is all his. Squeezing at your bouncing breasts. Yanking you back so that your spin arches. Ass flushed into his lap as he delivers a series of fast, rough fucks up into your sweetspot.

Angel!Reader !! 🍒 : Who gets creamed full of a demon’s cum. Shouldn’t you be ashamed? Instead you’re spilling whorish moans and pleading for more. Grinding your hips down into his pathetically. Even daring to try and grip at his arms for support. He’ll let it go this time. Your fucked-out face and drooling countenance earns all of his forgiveness. “Oh? Does the pretty little bird want more?” His lower set of arms snatches your waist and slams you all the way down. So that you are forced to take his behemoth of a length. Your cries are like prayers, your squeezing, pink walls like praise. “Tell me, my dearest angel. . . have you been touched before? Or am I the first? A demon? Fucking the virginity out of this tight little cunt. . .”

Angel!Reader !! 🍒 : Who does indeed get the virginity fucked right out of her. Once he is tired of making you a ragdoll on his lap, he bends you over his throne and displays the true stamina of a demon. His first set of hands clamp around your throat. The third set clings to your hips and slams you back into his squirting cock. The second does it’s due diligence at feeling every crevice that is now his. Your perky breasts pinched between fingers. Your tummy bulged with his huge dick splitting you open. Your folds so needily taking him in. Your clit that’s all swollen and just begging for the slap of his palm.

Angel!Reader !! 🍒 : Who gets all nice an bred by Valerius, if only to be set free as though nothing happened. You’ll stumble through the divine realms still feeling his seed for weeks. Grind up against whatever you possible can and imagine its him. Haunted through the night of endless dreams where he’s fucking you out on your bed. Reminding you that you’ll never truly get away from him. Clawing, gripping, owning you for all you are worth. As if you wouldn’t offer yourself as sacrifice to him any day.

Angel!Reader !! 🍒 : Who crawls back to the Abhorration begging for his attention. And you’ll find it in the form of claws wrapped tightly in your hair. A mouth full of that same cock that stole your virginity. Choking away at his addictive, sinful cum. All while he’s crooning above you. Through slithered golden hues and sharp, sinister grins. “Suppose I have myself a pretty angelwhore now, hmm? Why not rid your wings and stay here? After all,” a rough thrust to the back of your throat. Another round of his copious amounts of demonic seed. “You are far too tainted by a demon’s hands. Not to mention his cock. That’s it precious. Keep sucking.”

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[tlouwhore]

modern!ellie headcanons

notes/warnings: pet names used (baby), sfw, loser!ellie a little (i cant help it), no race specific information, androgynous reader

★ she has an insane mug collection thats so strange, when you go to hers for the first time its such a weird thing

"you want something to drink?"

"sure"

and you'll go back to messing with her stuff that she left sprawled across her coffee table until you hear her clomp over and extend her arm, she'll be holding an inconveniently built mug out to you casually

"els, what the fuck is that?"

she tilts her head and furrows her brow, confused at your comment as if its unreasonable to ask why shes handing you a horrifically constructed alien mug thats bound to spill all over you

★ speaking of these mugs, she refuses to get rid of *any* of them. when you guys move in together you're begging her to just get rid of one but she refuses

"els, please. we dont have enough shelves for these, we need normal drinking glasses."

you sigh as the mugs sit across the kitchen counter, shes on one side staring at them while youre on the other side staring at her.

"i cant, i use them all"

she doesn't. she drinks out of one and she only ever drinks water from it. you go back and forth for merely minutes before you throw in the towel and just let her do her thing, if shes happy you dgaf about the normal water glasses.

★ shes a loud ass walker, you will hear her before you see her. you genuinely start to think she's doing it on purpose.

★ she has one belt and its one wrong move from completing snapping in two pieces, there is a literal half inch of material holding it together

★ needs to pet street cats every time she sees them, whenever you point out that they're probably diseased she scoffs

★ tries to pretend shes good at fixing things but has no clue what shes doing—the toilet isnt flushing properly and so she stands about 3 feet from it and stares at it with her weight shifted to one side. she'll have on a tank top on and slacked down carhartt pants engulfing her legs as she nods. she really likes to take care of you so she'll refuse to admit she has no idea what shes doing and when you walk away she looks up "toilet not flushing reddit"

★ she fucks with the twilight franchise but pretends to hate it because it doesn't "look cool"

★ she cant drive, she failed her permit test 3 times and pretends like every other driver on the road is the problem (shes the issue every time)

★ she drives a beat up car or truck, it smells a little funny and the radio gets three stations so you have to rummage through her mass cd collection to find something to listen to. half the cds wont even be in their case but instead haphazardly chucked around her car in random spots. the only ones she keeps in order are your cds, which have a specific bag so you don't have to scurry about in her car to find them.

★ 3 pairs of socks and they all have holes in them, she'll complain that the floor is cold all the time

"god the floor is so cold in here"

"can you just put some socks on?"

"i'm wearing socks right now"

"oh really?"

and she'll point as her feet, half her toes are out and her heel is fully exposed. its about the same as just wearing no socks at some point. you'll just stare in disbelief for a moment before scoffing.

"what'd you do that for?"

that small crease between her brows finding its way to her face as it always does.

"you're barely wearing socks"

"oh whatever"

★ has to physically restrain herself from telling you the gift she bought you for any holiday or event, shes tweaking out and cant function until she gives it to you

★ she loves to just be in your presence, she'll observe your routines. she enjoys perching next to you as you get ready, no matter how short or long or a routine she will be by your side

★ she can cook a crazy burger but that's literally all she can make

★ shes a blushing mess for you but she loves to get cocky and pretend she isn't when texting you

★ needy and will message you thirst trap ass photos in an attempt to get you to leave work early and be with her (it works)

[kawowoa]

u attract what ur afraid of??? AHHH ANDROGYNOUS/GENDERFLUID GETO😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

suguru is so in touch with his feminine side it makes you jealous. it started with him growing out his hair back in high school to the point it was longer than yours. then borrowing your make up in college, leading to countless nights of the two of you doing each others make up. ending with him building up the courage to ask to try on your clothes in your adult years, which didn’t come to a surprise to you at all.

you knew it would eventually happen with the way he’d glance at those fashion stores specifically designed for women a little longer than necessary, or when you catch him lingering around your side of the closet.

now, it’s almost an everyday occurrence seeing him dressed in a bodycon maxi dress with his hair tied up in his signature half up half down bun around the house. it doesn’t make you drool over him any less no matter how many times you watch him.

his current obsession is corsets after finding an old one of yours shoved deep into the back of the closet. he fell in love with it when he asked you to help him try it on. it became a staple piece in his outfits after that, paired with that long dress he loves? you really couldn’t keep your hands off of him.

“y’know.. i cant move around with you hugging me like that” suguru said, looking over his shoulder to see your face that was mushed against his back, your hands gripping his waist.

you huffed, “i can’t appreciate my girlfriend anymore? it’s not my fault your waist is even more tiny now—it’s a crime!” you whined out, making a pained expression.

he laughed, shaking his head as a way to call you dramatic. your endless compliments never failed to make him flustered, even if there was some truth to your words. he patted your hands, signaling you to let go. with a reluctant whine, you did.

“oh cut it, we can’t keep standing here forever.”

it’s many occasions like that where you’d joke about him being your girlfriend rather than your boyfriend, but he doesn’t mind it, he never did. in fact, he’d insist you refer to him as your girlfriend, what you want is what you get, right? if you wanted him to be either or, he would embrace it.

sometimes when he’s wearing his baggy clothes, looking more masc than fem, he’d still catch himself calling himself your girlfriend. it always made you laugh—the look of confusion on his face as you can clearly see the gears turning in his brain as he processes what he says before a tiny smile crept up his lips.

his all time favorite was when you called him your girl. it had a nice ring to it when it seamlessly slipped from your lips around your friends that know about the dynamics between you two. he especially loved it when your hand crept around his waist as you said it.

if he wanted to be your girl or your man, he would.

a/n : RUSHED ENDING BUT IDC😖😖😖

[atiianeishaunted]

blue writing is lance's notes fyi anyway uhh character bios below !! long ass writing warning but worth it i promise chat pspsp | no notes version AND the transparent PNGS down at the end!

character bios:

Allura [???] | A lone princess who is burnt out and stressed out her mind, her only solace/stress relief being the garden she has where she can have peace and quiet, shutting her brain off while she does the tasks of tending to her precious plants and bugs. She tries her best to remain as friendly and optimistic as possible, if not for her own sanity, however thanks to the stress and pressure put on her, she has a tendency to lose her cool and sometimes shut down entirely. She has a passion for commanding and loves honing her fighting skills as that was one of the ways she bonded with her father. She more often than not can be seen in comfortable clothes, she doesnt mind dresses and does enjoy dressing up but will only do it when shes going out the castle or theres a meeting. | this gal couldve been an burnt out autistic queen DREAMWORKS, YOU COUDLVE MADE HER ICONIC .... let her be a dorky nerd whos a hater sometimes, pretty please

Takashi Shirogane | A garrison commander (no one is really sure of his job title to be honest with you..) who's insanely passionate about his job, to the point where hes willing to sacrifice it all if the garrison wills it. Anything to serve. He tries his best to fit in and be hip with the kids, he tries to come across as the 'chill' teacher, but students of his have reported that after a few months, any amount of chillness is thrown out the window. If not that, hes often not even in class, too busy doing missions he wasnt assigned to. He's intense. Very intense. Knows his way around words though for the most part, can be very convincing and a bit maniuplative, very goal driven. He means well though? Thats what he says. He always throws a quick sorry if someone brings it up with him, so that must mean something. | sorry in advance if you follow along with Sonder's story... unrelated but dreamworks wrote a banger antagonist without even realizing!

"Keith" Kogane / "Morse" | Unknown origins. He was a talented garrison pilot who could practically fly with his eyes closed, a jack of all trades, short tempered and prone to losing it but all things considered, the perfect cadet for the garrison's goals, he came out of nowhere practically, just poofed in like a ghost and wiped the floor with everyone. He really just needed a good guiding hand. No one is quite sure what gender he is, his androgynous appearance and tendency to respond to anything besides being called a girl have people baffled to say the least. He's very clearly not all there in the head either which goes hand in hand with his odd bursts of ego and then odd bursts of whining, these bursts often include talks that could only be described as cult-ish. People have their theories. Beyond those bursts, hes mostly very deadpan and quiet. But despite his strength and that intense feeling of fear and dread people get when they're around him, he's.. popular, somehow. Admired greatly for his devilish good looks. A universal appeal if you will. He doesn't seem to notice. Or perhaps doesnt care. Either way he's far too busy following Shiro around and treating him like the second coming of god to really indulge in romance for now. Lance's self proclaimed rival, Keith is also unaware of this. | also sorry in advance for this one if you follow sonder's storyline Lance McClain | A former Garrison cargo pilot who moved up in rank when Keith got kicked out. Keith is his rival and also all that Lance can talk about, even after the guy got kicked out and left for dead (Lance overheard some things while sneaking out past the teacher's lounge). He has a very noticable personality and loves to be the center of attention, hes still finding his footing and figuring out what he wants to do with his life and who he wants to be. Despite his many claims, hes not all that popular. He can't really flirt with girls all too well. His general goal is to be so well known so he won't ever be forgotten, hence why he begged his mom to let him dye his hair and get piercings (if he used Keith as an argument, thats none of your business.) (he saw keith dying his hair once or twice and instantly wanted to copy, its a bad habit.). He loves LOVES taking care of his appearance and is fairly vain, he has extensive routines and will freak out if he can't follow them. His ego and overbearing confidence is all to drown out his deep insecurities and fears. He tries his best to come across as a suave, cool, charming, awesome, any positive adjective really, person but in all reality he's a mama's boy, a dork, a loser if you will who has a love for the retro and is a huge gamer. If he must admit, he and Keith'd get along great actually, Keith ticks alot of boxes and honestly Lance deeply admires him and wants to be like him. | dreamworks dropped that lance was a gamer and loved retro stuff and then never talked about it again. sigh. Hunk Garrett | Hunk has many passions, mainly inspired by parents, he mainly specializes in cooking and mechanics, he enjoys tinkering with things, taking them apart to see how they work and working from there to see if he can rebuild it with 0 instruction, hes gotten good at it. He's Lance's childhood best friend, they're extremely close and are often seen constantly poking fun at eachother. Its all in good fun though. Hunk struggles extremely with anxiety and has a service dog back home that he left at home when heading to the Garrison as he worried he couldn't take care of it while studying. Despite his anxiety, he quite enjoys talking to people and sharing things he enjoys with them, he often tries to get over his fears by branching out and | I looked up his name from the old show because he deserves an 'actual' name, free my boy, he was done so dirty, also i remember when we all thought hunk had two moms (or was that just me ..) and i live by it tbh, two moms and a dad whos still active in his life, 3 whole parents for the greatest fella ever

Pidge Holt | Not much can be said about Pidge, they keep to themselves and don't share much about themselves. Just like Keith, their gender is often up to debate and when asked, Pidge will never give a consistent answer. They're a major tech wiz and with their talents, they're a complete menace. Pidge is prone to being mischevious and pranking others, often taking jokes a bit too far. They're egotistical and find that robots are their preferred companions in comparison to humans. | loser chronically online 13 year old who would tell you to kys, matt probably has to take away their electronics all the time LMFAO purposely made their outfit look a bit strange bc , theyre a kid whos a NERD /aff let them dress a bit stupid and let them cringe at it 5 years later ty

No notes version and PNGS below :-)

im insane about this reboot!! please reblog and im willing to elaborate if anyone wants me to <333 hrgfhrfg i really want this to take off bwaa

[a-little-lostmoon]

some LU headshots in my style for personal reference. subject to change bc drawing consistently is a bitch but overall i think i’m happy w them! (ignore the comic/writing idea in the upper right corner it may or may not be made into a full think idk yet—)

typed notes for each lu member + a little extra below cut

wild—

oval eyes

rounder oval ((ish)) face

amber earrings

healed scarring

androgynous

i tried to reference the boys’ canonical character models to individualize their features more. i love botw and totk sm but personally i’m not the hugest fan of the way the characters look for it? even so, i think the rounder sort of eye shape works really well for my wild

his colors specifically i drew to be a bit more sunset kissed/orangeish bc i was referencing a wild photo in which the time was sunset. thats abt it. but i think it’s really pretty on him so i’m probably just keeping that whenever i draw wild

warriors—

cheek bones/jawline

rounder ears

pointy eyes ((eyeliner that could stab a person))

cheek scar bc i felt like it

i stole away some of wars’ side fringes, forgive me i couldn’t decide whether i wanted them to cover up his jawline and chickened out. if anyone actually read the comic thing you’ll see smth abt the old man and wars talking abt how his hair parted to the other side of his face during the war. i made it to ‘vent my frustrations’ bc i drew his hair part referencing HW photos of link instead of LU wars and it’s now become my headcanon.

his hair color is vivid bc HW color pallet is pretty damn vivid and his eyes & earrings are a deeper blue to match his scarf. color coordination!

anw he’s a pretty boy so i made him pretty — that’s pretty much the rest i have to say abt that

time—

tired eyes

longest ears

(slight) rbf

both time & legend have half circle/oval eyes ((kind of. at least that’s what i tried to go for to give them a more worn/serious look))

i’m not the best with differentiating ages. i tried to make him look a bit more worn/oldest but i also wanted all of them to still carry some of that classic pretty boy link look. don’t have much else to say but he has the longest/angular ears bc fairy boy. let’s pretend four’s don’t look longer than his i drew him later and forgot

twilight—

<-takes more features from malon ((who i haven’t drawn yet so you don’t have any reference on that))

pretty boy face (wasn’t intentional but it is what it is)

twilight princess link is v pretty. twilights usually one of the more rugged (for lack of a better term) looking ones bc he’s among the taller ones/apart of the “adult” squad but i accidentally made him very pretty looking. oops. don’t know if that will remain consistent for him if i draw him more so we shall see

him and time share less features than i might’ve wanted? you can see a bit of time’s jaw in the way his face curves but overall they don’t share many features. again, he takes more after malon. but their hair textures are incredibly similar if that means anything

gave him jade studs bc they reminded him of midna and are practical enough that he can just keep them in the whole time (bc he will lose them or forget abt them if he takes them off)

sky—

rounder face

big eyes

lips

big ears

his hair color was a bitch to get right im not sorry i had to say it color is so hard to work with. in any case! skyward sword link has bigger looking eyes cus of the style and i just ran w that. his earrings are magenta to match sun’s dress but look red when the light catches them right (or wrong ig bc they look red in dim light too) just bc i realized his earrings were red to match his outfit/crimson.

sky and the next three (everyone sans wind) probly look the least off their character models

legend—

oval iris

full rbf

multiple piercings ((this is important for u to know))

longer narrow face & features

boy’s a strawberry blond bc i said so. and also legend purple eyes propaganda. i don’t know where exactly that originated but like i love it and im on board. he also has purple stud earrings he always keeps in — curious, isn’t it. he probably has more than i gave him but well, thats all i gave him. it gets the picture across. hc that legend realized he couldn’t get more fingers for his rings but he could get more piercings that could handle jewelry that did almost exactly the same thing. practicality!

also i couldn’t decide on legend’s hair length. its all hidden by that hat of his so i just… didn’t draw the back half portion of his hair. does that make my legend bald at the back of his head? you decide.

hyrule—

wide face narrow chin

freckles!!!

bigger earlobes

the earlobes is me projecting /hj but i tried to reference the og link’s face shape for him which idk if i like yet. he has freckles and more accent colors in his hair and eyes which is a subtle thing but a sorta maybe reference to his fairy magic. no piercings for him! i forgot them/didnt see them on og link and can’t really imagine when hyrule would ever get the time to pierce them so he and wind can do that together eventually to bond. legend will do it probly — he obviously has the experience and wild can’t be trusted (offered to pierce winds ears with a knife canonically)

wind—

big eyes

void eyes

big ears but rounder than skys

soft face

fluffy hair

wind’s 100 yard stare *does* things to the chain but none of them tell him that because he’d definitely use it to freak people out. i couldnt decide between going lighter sun bleached hair wind or bright blinding yellow toon link hair so i kind of meshed them together to create that. tried to make him the youngest looking

four—

symmetrical angles ((and then i drew a polygon quadrilateral bc thats the shape i used as a reference)) for cheeks and eyes

minish feather ((earring))

minish ears & nose

hime bangs

yk the picture of a minish that comes up when googled? thats what i used as a reference for his features. ears specifically, nose somewhat. four’s eyes are usually the greyish hazel color you get from mixing all of their colors together but i liked the split look for this piece more. his hair color is also wind’s but inverted so wind’s lights are four’s highlights and his darks make up the brunt of the base color as a slight reference to how it’s occasionally theorized/hc that wind is four’s descendant.

and the hime bangs were bc i wanted a little more “link side fringe” variation and i thought the sort of straight cut looked nice. hime bangs are not the right term tho bc he parts them to the side and doesn’t have that straight cut on his forehead but i’m too lazy to fight the correct term

— thank u for reading, go hydrate and eat if you have not <3

[gh0stbeeee]

Separate Bight post ;P

Bill manages to get one up on Light and now he has partial possession of Light's body if he wants. He saw Misa use mascara once and the first thing Bight did was put it on. Of course, Light fought him most of the way. Bill doesn't like possessing Light when he isn't willing because Light is stubborn and will make the experience utterly miserable.

But when they can agree? A Diva.

Bight is the drama, some androgynous flair, and absolutely psychotic. Will kill you for a chip.

Everyone around Light is very concerned.

For more of the AU:

I imagine L gets himself involved when strange anomalies and what looks like gruesome occult rituals begin popping up in Japan.

Bill needs to begin getting his power back to escape the Theraprism after all. Once he gets enough strength to break out, he huddles down in Light’s mindscape.

The Axolotl let's the Pines know and— yeah Ford gets started on a new portal (Death Note is in a different dimension.) The four of them are ready to squish him out for good.

Bill has to teach Light the most insane math and science ever and each session leads to them trying to strangle eachother in the mindscape.

Light is still not a murderer yet, so his descent into madness happens slower as he's exposed to more and more Bill and power.

There's a whole scene where Light tries to justify himself as a good person and Bill just laughs at him and tells him he should see some adjacent timeliness because oh boy!

Light becomes like a warlock? Bill teaches him some basic magic and rituals and you can imagine Light is thrilled. Bill gets a little nervous at how earnestly Light soaks it up.

They balance eachother weirdly well as villains? Bill is chaotic evil and Light is more lawful/neutral evil. Bill helps Light be less suffocated under his and societies expectations and rules, is the evil voice on his shoulder like "aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you wanna go batshit?" And Light is able to poke holes in Bill's shitty mental health, which both helps and makes him worse. Because he doesn't want the world totally destroyed, after all. He'll play undercover therapist if he has to.

They enjoy talking. Light reminds Bill of Ford in the way he is insatiable for knowledge, and he missed talking with someone that can ask good questions. Light has never been able to be so confused and blindsided by a being, so he really enjoys the novelty and stimulation.

Getting a place to actually begin building a portal is insanely hard, but Bill knows some old bunkers in the mountains.

They are so bitchy, toxic, and argumentative, but they love the catharsis of not having to hide their true selves.

Bill may or may not get jealous when L starts poking his nose in for Light's attention. Similarly, Light feels challenged by Ford for the title of The Specialist Human lol

Uh that's it for now.

[hayakawalove]

mommy geto?

A/N: I don’t really do requests but I just needed to write this. Writing kinks I don’t even have, although mommy suguru wakes something in me.

CW: Vaginal sex, mommy kink except you call Suguru mommy but he is still male, creampie, gender neutral reader, discussions of gender

W/C: 832

Credit to adornedwithlight for the banner

Suguru knew he was pretty.

It wasn’t a secret by any means.

He knows he looks feminine, with his long luscious locks and soft grin. It’s never bothered him before, no matter how many times he’s been teased for it (usually by a certain white haired man).

He’s comfortable with his sexuality, comfortable with the way he presents himself.

He never went out of his way to appear androgynous, it just sort of happened.

And it has its upsides.

Mainly being the way you react to him.

The longing look in your eyes is not lost on him, nor is the way you linger to gaze at his hair when he’s freshly out of the shower.

And it’s entirely possible he goes out of his way to buy that one conditioner you like, he tells himself he likes it too, and he does - but he’s convinced you like it a bit more.

Suguru is undoubtedly a man, but he doesn’t see any harm in experimenting with the way he presents himself.

You haven’t ever really commented on it, not until now that is.

His hips are starting to ache with the pace he’s set, which is saying something, Suguru has great stamina and he knows it.

Sweat is beginning to form on his forehead, lining his pale skin, demonstrating just how hard he’s working.

He doesn’t mind being on top, doing all the work, in fact he likes how you look beneath him. Always perfect, if not a little helpless.

“So good, so good,” you’re a babbling mess.

Suguru can hardly form out the words you’re mumbling. He thinks it’s cute, though.

Your fingers are digging into his back, the burn of it going straight to Suguru’s cock.

How are you so perfect? He wonders, grinding his hips against yours.

Suguru almost loses himself to the pleasure, but he hears you speak again, so he forces himself to strain his ears.

He leans down closer into you, no doubt practically suffocating you, just so your mouth can be beside his ear.

“M-mommy…”

Wait.

Did he just hear what he thinks he heard?

His lips part, he’s about to ask you to repeat what you said, but you get there first.

“Mommy, h-harder” you wrap your legs around his hips tighter, subconsciously picking up on the fact his pace has faltered.

Suguru’s chest pinches at the sound of your voice, at the word you just spoke.

You had never discussed this before.

Yet Suguru still finds himself interested, his cock stirring at the foreign name.

“What was that, baby?” Suguru murmurs next to you.

You freeze beneath him, shaken from your cock drunk stupor. Suguru can nearly hear your brain rattling, trying to come up with some excuse.

“I um, I didn’t,” you flounder.

Suguru arches a brow, not that you can see it, and grins next to your head. So damn cute, he wants to say.

Suguru wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t tease you just a little bit.

“You want mommy to fuck you harder?” He coos, pressing his lips against your cheek before he pushes himself up to look down at you.

He feels your pussy clench around him, tighter than he thinks he’s ever felt before. Shit, you must’ve really liked that, huh?

Suguru’s realizing he did too, if he wasn’t completely engulfed in you, you would be able to see the way his tip is leaking at the word.

You look up demurely, your teeth digging into your bottom lip. Suguru can see that you’re starting to get nervous, the sight making his heart clench.

He wants to make you feel better. It’s all Suguru’s ever wanted to do.

Your lips part and it looks like you’re trying to form words, but Suguru can’t hear you.

“Come on baby, speak up. Tell mommy what you want.” He keeps his voice low in an attempt to disarm you.

It works, because not even a second later Suguru watches the way your eyes roll back into your head. Your nails start to dig into his back once more, scraping his tender flesh.

“Harder mommy, please please I want,” you groan.

Suguru smiles to himself and starts to slam into you, his own body shivering at the feeling. He can’t take his eyes off you, you look so damn beautiful beneath him. Your moans are filling the room, the sound so perfect Suguru almost thinks you can’t be real.

He can tell you’re close by the way you’re beginning to shake underneath him. He isn’t very far behind you, the momentum of the night completely turning, bringing him to orgasm faster than anything else has before.

“Fuck, fuck!” You’re sobbing, teeth digging in your lip as you finally fall off the edge.

“Shh, shh, mommy’s got you.” He murmurs, fucking you through it.

He holds off long enough for you to finish, before he follows shortly after. He silently tells himself to remember to ask you to call him that again.

[hoodreader]

cat women — vedic astrology.

i think cat woman is one of the most inspiring vigilantes for the ‘dark feminine’. she’s mystical, intuitive, cunning, flirtatious, & seductive. so when my friend & i were talking about the krittika nakshatra. she made a connection between krittika & animal textiles then i had the sudden realization that krittika reoccurs in the charts of people who play or dress as her.

i think this is because krittika is the blade; it means “the cutter.” whether the native has aries krittika or taurus krittika, the qualities persist. there’s always an iconic cat woman scene where cat woman uses her razor-sharp nails to cut a hole through glass. this also shows not only physical blades, but blades of the tongue, ie being “silver tongued” and/or having a “sharp” mind. the krittika nakshatra is very cutthroat. this also reminds me of that iconic whip scene, and the phrase “sharp as a whip.” sharpness is commonly used as a term to also describe someone’s intelligence… but also them being good-looking.

i also find that krittika nakshatra in women is highly sexy & desired, but due to the dark nature of krittika, a krittika woman is not wanted without adversity. this nakshatra is also associated with “splitting / cutting” up relationships & being “the other woman.” in a way, men deal with an inner conflict when being involved with the krittika woman. i think it’s because martian or solar qualities over a woman causes insecurity in men who are not secure with themselves. the type of men who hate you because they hate themselves. so these men project. there’s no way a woman like that could simply be liked, she must’ve seduced him.

and i feel that’s because the krittika woman is not the “ideal” woman. she’s not demure, she’s not passive, she’s not insecure, and she doesn’t depend heavily on the men around her. instead, she’s dominant, assertive, flirtatious. she cuts her hair short. and she’s sometimes androgynous in presentation, but still so sexy. and it drives men and women crazy. the presence of other planets being in anuradha, ashlesha, jyeshtha, bharani, mrigashira, etc can also strengthen these “dark” qualities in a krittika woman.

! halle berry is probably the most iconic cat woman in modern pop culture. she’s a krittika rahu, with an ashlesha sun.

halle berry’s role was so iconic, i think she informs the way modern actresses give their takes on cat woman, which is why we see so many of them having krittika placements. for example:

— ariana grande recreated cat woman in her “the boy is mine” music video. she’s a krittika venus & jyeshtha north node. — normani dressed up as cat woman for one halloween. she’s a krittika mars, as well as a bharani mercury. — zoë kravitz is a krittika jupiter & anuradha sun + mercury. — saweetie dressed as cat woman for halloween [?] and she’s another krittika venus. — naomi campbell did a shoot as cat woman, and she’s a krittika sun. i don’t know if that naomi shoot was before after halle berry’s movie but i digress.

kinda unrelated side note. my point about “the other woman” rings so true for the reputation ariana got. halle berry also applies, as she’s been in three marriages thus at least two separations. saweetie for her allegations with cheating. and so on. krittika can be a little romantically corrupted, but i think that’s why it translates into something so irresistible. in a “i’m not supposed to be doing this” way. i myself am a krittika venus, and i never cheated on someone or have been “the other woman” bc why the fuck would i do that to myself lol. buttt i will say that people usually start liking me when they know they shouldn’t. as a rebound, while they’re involved with someone, rebellious fetish, them pursuing me but hating the type of person i am because they want me to conform. like an exercise of conquest.

anyways… this is what i noticed of krittika and cat woman. hope y’all enjoyed my ramble. :P

[destinedinthestars]

🌬️ Air Risings ☁️

♊️ Gemini 👯

"We all want to be a little glamorous, a little playful and a little mischievous at times."

People with Gemini ascending in their chart tend to have small, delicate features, similarly to Virgo Risings, who are also ruled by Mercury.

They usually have a very pixie-like look and vibe to them.

Gemini Risings like experimenting with different styles throughout their life and have the tendency to make adjustments to their appearance (hair color, tattoos, plastic surgery, etc).

They might be jittery in their speech or talk really fast.

They also might seem hesitant or unsure in their movements.

Others might perceive them as sneaky or untrustworthy due to their mischievous nature.

♎️ Libra ⚖️

"There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved."

People with Libra ascending in their chart tend to have conventionally attractive, symmetrical features, being ruled by Venus, the planet of love and beauty.

They usually have the prettiest smiles.

The easiest way to spot them is by their charm and sociability. They were born to be people-pleasers.

Like Leo Risings, Libra Risings like following the hottest fashion trends.

Their overall presence is just so lovely. They're darlings to be around.

They tend to be in high favor of others.

♒️ Aquarius 👽

"I am my own experiment. I am my own work of art."

People with Aquarius ascending in their chart tend to have a unique appearance that differs them from most people, being co-ruled by Uranus, the planet of the strange and unconventional.

With Aquarius, features can range broadly. From soft to sharp, small to large, or short to tall, you never know what to expect from these people.

They might have a certain feature or quality that makes them seem alien or otherworldly to others.

They might also have an androgynous look to them.

They're likely on the thinner side, traditionally being ruled by Saturn, the planet of bone structure. A lot of models have this placement.

They usually maintain a calm, neutral demeanor, which can lead others to perceive them as indifferent or even emotionless.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Lupe Vélez (Cuban Love Song, The Girl from Mexico, Naná)—iconic Mexican glamor, known for her dramatic romances and hot temper. she could do unspeakable things <3 to me <3

Greta Garbo (Camille, Anna Karenina, Queen Christina)—Enigmatic and alluring and made me bisexual. The perfect example of the eroticism in silent films that literally transcends text. Could literally not change anything about her expression but you knew by looking at her eyes what she was thinking. She’s so gorgeous.

This is round 4 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Lupe Vélez:

(joint propaganda for del Río and Vélez) When I asked my 58-year-old coworker who I have been keeping updated on the vintage men tournament if there was anyone she wanted me to submit on her behalf, almost immediately she said Dolores del Río, soon followed by her assigned rival by studios (due to being the first major Mexican actresses in Hollywood) Lupe Vélez - which del Río did not play into and Vélez did. We love queens who know what they're about. No drama vs drama for the sake of publicity. These ladies are fantastic, my coworker has excellent taste.

A beautiful girl with a beautiful singing voice. She also loved small dogs.

Garbo:

A cold-ass Swedish WLW Sphinx. Had plans to murder Hitler that she never got around to. "She will remain always a child of vikings, moved about by a snowy dream."

First of all, she's on the money; that's how much of a treasure she is. She's beautiful in such a distinct way you need very few lines to draw her. (Drawing by Einar Nerman) She managed to be mesmerizing in both silent and sound films. She kissed a woman in Queen Christina (and probably several more in real life). She was super dry and really funny in Ninotchka. She got the hell out of Hollywood and stayed out, living for almost 50 years after her retirement.

Garbo is one of the many reasons why I'm gay. If you haven't seen Queen Christina please do, She is so gender in that film. Also her accent makes it sound like she's always talking in cursive and it's so hypnotic (or at least I think so).

She's a gay introvert, like all of us here on Tumblr.

Probabaly a lesbian, absolutely a mood when she retired

Mysterious and aloof, charismatic and enigmatic, with beautiful androgynous characteristics, Garbo is undoubtedly the most eccentric and unique Hollywood vintage star. Her aversion to fame and stardom makes her even more desirable to the audience, and her insane chemistry with the camera, an actress one of a kind! Her particularity and her oddity is what discerns her strongly from her hollywood co workers at the time, noone was like her and would never be like her. I think, to the utmost extent, that she deserves the title of the hottest vintage star, even though that would be an understatement of what she is!

SO gorgeous, her thick Swedish accent makes will turn your brain into pudding

[astro-royale]

AstrologyObs: Appearance

Disclaimer:my opinion

Cancers are the cutie of the zodiac!! Round facial features. Cozy, comfy, warm and inviting. They may look great in Asian make up styles or old classic make up styles. Bohemian. 70s look or even 50s.

Gemini have a cheekiness to them that’s apparent in their features. They look like troublemakers in a wholesome way. They usually have quite sharp smiles. They have a very on the go energy , and I think they can get away with being sporty or even messy. But they also look so good with a basic 90s style which reflects their logical mind.they may also have a “rebel” “punk” or even Avril Lavigne vibe.

Pisces just feel like a wave of tranquility and I just want to chill with them. They have such dreamy eyes that make you want to get lost in them. They look so good with shimmers, in make up and clothes. Also metallic colours. Glowy make up. MERMAID. They suit modern style of clothing a lot.

Sagittarius, the free spirits, can actually look great with more revealing looks. They can get away with over the top things, and they will make it look cool, like their way of dressing is part of their philosophy. I feel like Sagittarius also has a lowkey sense of humour to their style, “ I did it for the fun of it, why not” also look so good in red:::

Scorpio.. you guys just remind me of Johnny Depp in pirates of the Caribbean, looks wise that is. Very alluring, darkness around the eyes. You change and transform people so no one will ever experience another you again. Your dress sense may have elements of danger. Leather jackets. A sense of shock, uniqueness . Darkness. Alternative or femme fatale.

Aries yall look good in office things, or just sophisticated and sharp styles tbh. There’s an angularity to you but it looks very cool and dramatic, it makes you interesting and cool. Lush, and sharp.it gives lip gloss and matte outfit vibes.

Capricorn, your organisation influences your dress sense so much and i actually think that Capricorn represents a mainstream dress sense or something conventional and basic you see everyday. So you look good in that. Simple. Classy. Timeless. Capricorns with Aquarius placements may disagree

Taurus, yall look really good with heavy makeup up looks, or full face glam. you guys look good with mullets. And electric colours. Graphic liners. Cool eyeshadow looks. IG baddie make up looks. May also suit dip dye hair styles or highlights.

Virgo, I feel like many of you may have had a hipster phase, plaid shirt and boots situation. Or some kind of lowkey emo phase . Even a tomboy phase. But anyways, you look great with slicked back hairstyles, neat loose natural hair. You Look Royal, in a laid back way. No matter your aesthetic. Virgo, you look best when you take care of yourself, when you look very clean, and tidy. Clean girl aesthetic

Leo, Animal prints look so great. You’re royal in a flashy way. You may feel like you look great in designer clothing or higher end brands. The quality and brand may be of importance to you and you won’t just buy things from anywhere. You’re going to attract looks, because the planets revolve around the sun. You look good being flashy and fully expressing your authentic self and uniqueness, don’t hold back your greatness.

Libra, yall could wear a potato sack and still look great asf. Your facial features are usually very proportionate and balanced. I think your natural glow is what suits you best, and an elegant outfit. You look great showing everyone the embodiment of Venus on Earth, and I think you have “aesthetic” in your genes.

Aquarius, you look good in unisex or androgynous, long or short hair, any colour, you will make it work. Doesn’t matter if things clash, you can make it work. The innovated. Unique style. Dreamy aura, they have an intelligent vibe. You’re giving the audience a taste of the stars. Of intelligence beyond this earth. Cyber /rave styles can look great on them too. Or very artsy looks. Many of them also get into cosplay. They look ethereal so they can embody what isn’t real (anime, cartoons, movie characters etc) People may even say they look like an anime character.

[drdemonprince]

sorry if this is too long but i really appreciate your perspective and would love some advice

i have a mixed gender friend group irl, however i am the only transmasc in the group (the rest of the group is queer transfems, queer cis women, and our token cishet guy) and ive run into a little issue in that im quite close to one of the cis girls of the group, and we occasionally have deep chats about our queer identities (we're both aro, im ace, shes bi) . these chats are great and i really appreciate her as a friend but one thing shes always bringing up, even in unrealted conversations is how much she hates men .

im not a transandrobro so this isn't gonna be one of those "im one of the good ones" or "i feel guilty for being transmasc" asks dw. the issue came up when i was discussing how i was going to start T pretty soon (i pass decently well without it already but as more of a butch/androgynous type look) and as we were talking about the changes she was acting... genuinley scared and disgusted??

especially when i talked about how i will likely grow more body hair, and how T affects scent and stuff. she was almost horrified. "yeah but you dont want that right? youll shave it?" . i already dont shave my body hair (she does) and i cant help but feel scared that one of my closest friends is going to find me revolting once i start transitioning medically.

i didnt even mention bottom growth after that because i was so scared of what her reaction to that would be.

idk if you have any experience or advice for this? or any reading on the subject? ive found that its only the cis women in my friend group who are acting this way as well. i feel like maybe its because theyve secretly been viewing me as "just" a masculine woman this whole time. i id as nonbinary with the group, but secretly i really do think im a trans man, but based on the disgust with those things im reluctant to come out again.

Honestly this is a really common way that cis women microaggress against trans mascs! Those two identities have competing privilege/oppression intersections and a lot of really wild shit can play out as a result, as well as due to the projection that can happen because both groups have shared a social identity at some point (whether we liked it or not). It may not be fixable, but I think you need to set the tone that this kind of negative commentary on your transition and body is NOT acceptable, and to do so EARLY, so that you are establishing ground rules for how you will be treated.

Example conversation:

You: So I started getting some hair on my neck around my Adam's apple.

Her: Ewwwww, but you're going to shave it right?

You: (pause and look at her seriously). Gender transition is something I'm very excited about and that's very good for me, you know. I am happy about everything that's happening and I hope that as my friend you would be happy for me too.

Let's say that she continues to be somewhat shitty about your transition multiple times. Here is how you might escalate without totally blowing your lid.

Her: Wow, your [voice is so deep/your acne is getting so bad/your hair pattern is changing/whatever thing she is being shitty about].

You: (stop whatever task you're doing if any to give this full attention. lock eyes with her, maybe even sigh). I have told you multiple times not to comment on my appearance. It makes me very uncomfortable. I don't enjoy spending time with people who comment on how I look.

I think your focus should be not on correcting her feelings, which she needs to go like stare at a pond and reflect about on her own, but instead reign in her shitty commentary completely -- and if she won't do that for you, then you will need start ending conversations/walking away/not inviting her to things/whatever other boundary setting strategy you like. I would prioritize nipping the personal comments in the bud over the "men are so disgusting and evil" kind of commentary, because I think that matters more and seems to bother you more -- but if it were me? I would also be pissed that she wasn't including me in the category of "men" when she was talking about them, and would say things like "I'm a man too, you know." Or "Yeah, WE can be kind of annoying/boorish/smelly sometimes." This isn't some transandrobro NOT ALL MEN thing, it's an anti-transphobia don't misgender me thing. And perhaps by taking accountability for all that manhood is -- the good and the bad, the euphoric and the just neutral, you will influence her in a positive way to think about these things more neutrally. If not, well, that's her fuckin loss.

[snoopledrooplecheesedoodle]

New Oc: "Mermaid" Cult Leader

Hey all I apologize for not finishing my Yanmas strong so I thought I'd pop in with the little inspiration I have and create another beautiful man for you to simp over. Truth is their gender is complicated as they are born male but have taken on the role of "goddess" so feminine pronouns are used by all worshipers. Only you may use masculine pronouns.

Don't have a name yet and am researching for my long fic, post any name you feel will fit in the comments.

Yandere's tail and appearance is based off the blue-lipped sea krait.

Cult Leader "mermaid" is an ethereal beauty with jade white skin and eyes the color of the ocean abyss. His long silken ebony colored hair flowing freely and accentuated by his black and azure ringed tail.

You are a researcher who happens upon this simple fishing village. As their waters are less polluted than most you are overjoyed by the large biodiversity found there.

At first many of the villagers are skeptical of you, being told that outsiders are no good by their "goddess".

Their "mermaid goddess" came to them when a large sea monster was ravaging the coast side and scared off the sea monster with "her" holy presence. Plenty and healing all attributed to the mermaid.

"Mermaid" in question was the sea monster, rather sea serpent that grew bored of ravaging their coast and attempted to communicate with mortals. Big mistake as he is now trapped in a sacred spring that is much too small for his full tail. This "goddess" persona did have its perks but no matter how much power he weld he knew he could never leave.

They needed "her" guidance.

However, word of this "outsider" caught her attention, my don't they get bolder by the day. She hadn't had outside company in quite some time, and if this person proves to be boring.

Human flesh was something he hadn't had in a while

You are roughly manhandled guided to the shrine where a goddess waits impatiently, long striped tail lashing impatiently out of the water, while the brainwashed humans groveled in front of her.

She looks at you with a sharp and dissecting look tearing through layers of skin to your soul and picking it apart. You weren't much oh well guess you'd make a fine feast for the "goddess".

Using his fake soft voice, he ordered for you to come closer purring in a voice honey sweet. He knew how beguiling he was and wasn't afraid to use this form to tempt mortals into his waiting maw.

You are frozen in shock at the very real mermaid in front of you, the most beautiful person in all the world (androgynous yet feminine think Haku from Naruto, feel free to send pics of other androgynous long-haired cuties you think the cult leader might look like).

The merman isn't surprised by your enthusiasm as many are easily swayed with false promises and coaxing.

He wasn't ready for you to ask all these personal questions about being a "mermaid". What business do you have knowing his mating practices? How vulgar!

Perhaps it's your irreverent treatment of him or your passion for the ocean and all its creature (which must include him right?). The "goddess" finds herself wrapped around your rougher human fingers (she has the luxury of the finest skin care).

She is bratty and used to getting her way will often try sweet talking you and if that doesn't work...he loses his shit! How dare you deny him your attention?!

Much like his species his very flexible with environment and personality. She knows a thing or two about masks and is willing to pretend to be all sweetness and light, so long as you worship him and only him.

Thinks that he wants to be worshipped but really longs for understanding and true love (bros clingy).

Interesting Facts:

Clingy and touch starved but keeps and regal coldness for quite sometime. She doesn't care about you, she just thinks your human skin is atrocious. You must let him apply his scented oils and lotions until you look even more enticing.

Curls tail around any body part he can, you're so dense can't you see he's showing he's ready to mate.

Nudges you regardless of sex (nudging is a mating ritual that male sea snakes do to show females they're interested)

Will sing for you with his hypnotizingly rich voice, strange how they're all love songs.

Commands the people of the village to treat you as her prized "concubine", has eaten villagers for "not showing enough devotion" or "too much devotion"

Throws a tantrum if you talk about studying other sea creatures/merfolk. He's right here, why not him?!

You are the only one who isn't blind to his lies, and he'll admit it with a usual haughtiness (who will believe you over a literal "goddess")

Will force you to live in this village forever and lets you stay in the shrine, furnished with the best the villagers can provide.

When you are unable to go anywhere the sea snake will become a lovestruck puppy all for you, he's weak for you and only you. Try an exploit it and you might find out what his venom does (only enough to be in pain and not die).

Bottom line is you're screwed