#that’s an IRL matter that i shouldn’t dive into ^^;

[falconcoast]

wait? from ur previous ask, r u really leaving tumblr?

yes i am :)

tl;dr: i’m moving onto a pretty big chapter of my life next, esp as a student and a human being.

tbh it’s been a long time coming. i’ve not been particularly inspired for long a time. since thin ice ended, i’ve been thinking to myself like “yup! that’s it! i’m done now! it feels like a big part of this blog is finally complete!” so to me, it’s not like this is a sudden change

additionally, just for personal reasons, i’d rather not keep this up for future career and professional reasons. imo i’m fairly certain if you knew me IRL you would be able to say “oh that’s grace!” this blog is an extremely personal experience for me. hell, i’d consider it my escape from the real world when i needed it most. this blog reads like a diary, and has a lot of personal details that i’ve come to realize that i shouldn’t really share.

also, AO3 is a post-your-fanfic-whenever-the-hell-you-want kind of website. admittedly i got kind of overwhelmed when people sent me asks for updates or things like that. most ao3 interactions aren’t like that 👍

finally, i’m moving on in life. writing fics is very teenage girl experience of me, but i’m growing up and i can’t be that teenage girl forever. i want to be more present in the moment. staying here, uploading every thought i have, and dedicating hours on end to writing doesn’t help me achieve that.

so yeah 🤍 dipping out seems like the right move for me

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Carmen Anthony Berzatto, do we have a mental health problem?

You might wanna read this for context first.

I’m gonna get academic boring for a whole minute here, so feel free to just skip right to my point at the bottom.

Whilst Carmy definitely has mommy issues, and even daddy issues as well, plus he has sublimated his sexual attraction for Syd in getting a bullshit star for her as explained and predicted here, which triggered a relapse in his addition (workaholism), as I described and predicted here. That behavior, like any addiction, is in essence a repressed sexual impulse (according to Freud). According to other experts, addiction can, in essence, be considered a neurosis (more based on Jung’s concept, which is more advanced than Freud’s but does integrate it) and all of those concepts are Freudian and thus psychoanalytical, there’s a reason why IRL psychoanalysis is not the line of treatment used to treat neither addiction nor any of the other conditions Carmy has, such as C-PTSD, burnout syndrome, etc., all the other stuff I mentioned here in the extended version. What I didn’t mention there is Carmy’s neurodivergency, AUADHD (educated observation based on Carmy’s monologue in S1 and basically Carmy’s behavior during THE WHOLE SERIES and his untrained and innate talent in the arts that leads to alienation, etc) because neurodivergencies are not mental health issues, necessarily, so they shouldn’t be put on that list.

Carmy’s case is a clear case that IRL would be treated with a combo of Systemic Therapy + the classic line of treatment for addiction based on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) + what nowadays is starting to be also paired with neuroscience therapy (NT) and giving very positive results. I won’t bore you even further with the figures but they can easily be found online.

My point is: The Bear, the name of the show, represents not just Carmy Berzatto, The Bear, but also the place where many souls come together to interact with each other and all those lives are going to intrinsically be changed by that experience, that has The Bear in common. Thus the show as a whole, including all of its characters, of course, is SYSTEMIC, which is the opposite of the Psychoanalytic approach. And it's super important to take this into account because the systemic approach in mental health and in every other field where it's applied, like in business, or even education, etc is an approach in which everything is viewed as part of a whole, it's basically like a continuous dance between the individual personal perception and it's environment and how they both affect each other, whereas the psychoanalysis' ultimate goal is getting as deep in the individual psyche as possible, dive into the individual's deepest unconscious.

In case you are wondering, I do have the credentials but I'm also and most importantly, one of those who believe that you don't need credentials to discuss mental health, and this show is among other stuff very much about mental health. What you need is the desire to be aware of it and as a matter of fact, I strongly advocate IRL for mental health to be actively talked about in class since elementary school and included as part of the curricular activities throughout the entirety of the school years, all the way to Senior year. Basically, I'm all for even kids with no Elementary education credentials talking about mental health. Mental Health shouldn't be an elite topic, or taboo, or necessarily a "problem". That doesn't mean that misinformation should be spread, clearly, and I have seen A LOT OF IT AROUND HERE LATELY WHICH DROVE ME NUTS, but it does mean that the fact that I have plenty of credentials to talk about this matter, is not the point.

So, back to my point: when those kids go out into the "adult world" they not only have an accurate self-awareness about their own mental health, but they also have more empathy for others and tools to cope with what we all know they will have to cope at some point in a world that is far from perfect, but most importantly have compassion. All of this to say: cases like Carmy's, Donna's, Michael's, Chef Fields, etc could be prevented or not as dramatic if we'd look at mental health as "a must" to be dealt with from a very young age, at home, school, later at work, etc. We shouldn't talk about it only if there's a problem that moves us to go and get help, or that makes us wanna go to therapy. NO! Mental health awareness can be as simple as a breakfast at home where we actually talk and listen for a few minutes while we have that cup of coffee or dig into that bowl of cereal, mental health awareness can be us watching The Bear as a family and using that space to vent about how we see ourselves or our families represented by that scene on the screen, mental health awareness can be us choosing not to lash out at someone WHO DESERVES IT BC THEY ARE BEING A BULLY or trying to get attention in a passive-aggressive way and rather set healthy boundaries, this can be practiced online or offline, of course. Mental health awareness is understanding -or trying our best to- that the person we are interacting in one way or the other with, can very well be in this headspace:

I said understand, not necessarily tolerate. But that understanding based on compassion can change it all. That is my point.

Bonus track: I am still mad at Storer but I forgave him, kinda like what Syd keeps doing with Carm because she gets what I just said, she's a natural. BUT Storer is still, and will always be, my spirit animal because he portrayed mental health like I have never seen on TV before. No misstep he takes, and he did take a few this last season, will ever undo the amazing job he did in the past, and I will always be grateful to him for that. He started a conversation that was loooooooooooong overdue.

[writingwithcolor]

I read that Jewish people aren’t supposed to do casual dating, and that you should only date if you plan on marrying that person/ making a life with them. Also that you shouldn’t look for love until you are 18

I have a Jewish mc and I want him to be able to date. Is it okay if he dates casually? He’s only 15 years old as well.

Can my 15 year old Jewish character date?

I am somewhat concerned that you are writing a Jewish main character without being aware enough of modern Jewish reality, the prevalence of secular Jewish culture, and even just Reform Jewish culture, which is not secular but far less traditional. (Even if you didn't go to my very Jewish high school and watched everyone dating, we figure in a lot of sitcoms and other media.) Also, 18 is a US-specific age of majority and we 1. predate the US and 2. exist in a lot of other countries, so that strikes me as "off" as well. More research is probably a good idea before diving into writing about us.

But, to answer your question: yes, a 15 year old Reform or Conservative Jewish boy can date casually without running afoul of religious customs (not sure about Orthodox.)

--Shira

While you’re not entirely wrong about casual dating, this would mostly apply if the MC was ultra-Orthodox, Charedi or Chasidic. Those characters would almost certainly want to wait for shiduchim, but creating such a character from the outside would be an incredible feat of research, since so much of their life would be shaped by religion.

If the character is a different type of Orthodox and somewhat immersed in secular culture, then there is really no one answer as to whether they would date at 15. It depends on so many things. While it is true that plenty of Jewish people IRL date casually, I’m a little tired of never seeing other relationship practises taken seriously. Both Jewish and non-Jewish sitcom characters grapple with conflicts like ‘If I mention getting married, will I scare them away?’, but I can’t relate to those plotlines at all, because I’ve never considered dating without marriage being the whole point. Characters who date only for marriage or use a shadchan don’t get fluffy, romantic sitcom arcs. When this practise is explored at all, it’s framed as burdensome, even tragic.

What I’m trying to say is, I would welcome a Jewish character who engaged in the conversation about religious vs secular dating. 

What examples can they see in their family history? 

What pros and cons can they anticipate for the present, and the future?

Do they have a view on relevant halakhot, such as marrying within the faith and shomer negiah? 

It doesn’t matter where they land, but I would like to see them take both options seriously.

- Shoshi

[voxofthevoid]

Taking It Up The Ass Isn’t Character Growth - A Rant

So, in response to an ask a while back, I said I had a rant brewing on fandom and sex positions, and well, a lot of you wanted to see it, so here you go. You literally asked for it.

Disclaimer: This is going to talk a lot about top/bottom roles in slash fic and fandom attitude towards them and is heavily filtered through the lens of my own tastes and experiences with fandom. I’d also like to be upfront that I am 100% in favor of people writing whatever fictional content they want, and it’s not what fandom does with characters that bothers me but rather how that translates into attitudes towards real, live people. Also, this is the essay version of a slow burn AU because I regurgitate my entire fandom history before getting to the point. Beware.

I discovered fan-fiction around a decade ago, had no clue what the hell it was, got hooked and dived deeper. I started participating in fandom circa 2013, and I was fairly young and also completely inexperienced both sexually and romantically. The fandom in question was Hannibal and my ship of choice was Hannibal/Will. It was/is a very chill fandom in general, but we had our drama. And chief among the contentious topics was—you guessed it—the top/bottom debate. I can’t actually remember any other topic that was discussed and argued for so ardently in that fandom, at least in those days. Even after I drifted away, I came across a few posts on the matter.

Generally, you had two camps—people who supported strict roles and those who were in favor of switching*. And because we’re a society plagued by illogical assumptions, the strict role camp mostly had people who thought Mr. Big Bad Cannibal in the Fancy Suits wouldn’t take it up the ass because he’s older, more experienced, more mentally stable, and of course, more ‘dominant’ in personality. Yes, that sentence is chock full of problematic shit. I am aware. Lots of people were aware and argued strongly against attributing top/bottom roles to personality. I don’t remember anyone arguing as enthusiastically for Top Will, but those voices were also there. But the general idea was that assigning strict top/bottom roles to a male/male couple was casting them in a heterosexual mold and thus, the progressive option was to make them switch. Strict roles also garnered comparisons to “yaoi” and uke/seme stereotypes, which was of course bad and fetishizing and we, the Western media fans, of course had to do better. Stealth racism is fun to untangle.

Anyway, I lapped up the woke juice. Partly because I was a baby queer from Buttfuck Nowhere, Asia, who had zero exposure to LGBT+ communities and what queer folks did with each other. Partly because it was the stance taken by most of my favorite writers so it seemed like a good position to emulate.

Emulate it I did. Most discussions I had about this happened in private with the handful of close friends I had in fandom. Where it really showed was in my writing. I made sure to write switching—maybe not in every fic, but then I alternated between fics. Thing is though, I did have a preference. I liked Top Will. I created and consumed a ton of Top Hannibal, and sometimes it was okay, sometimes it was not, but I couldn’t pinpoint why it made me uncomfortable. Back then, I thought I was a cis questioning/bi girl and once again, the impression I got was that not being MLM, having a preference was automatic fetishization. So I tried my best to justify my preferences, to my friends at least. I think what I said was that fandom was skewed towards Top Hannibal, and I liked the opposite because I’m a contrary fuck. Which I am, to be fair, but this was just me desperately trying to figure shit out without being offensive.

That’s the line I touted all the way until 2018, which was when I fucked off to grad school in A City, finally freed of Buttfuck Nowhere and able to actually date. At this point, I was settled in my sexuality (girls only) and questioning my gender (non-binary or trans guy). I had also tentatively figured out during undergrad that I’m an exclusive top and a Dom. Actual attempts at dating cemented that, yes, those are my preferences, about as flexible as a steel rod. Cue motherfucking epiphany over my fanfic tastes.

And see, over these years, I was engaging intermittently with fandom. I dutifully wrote switch couples. I also continued to have rigid tastes and continued to explain it away as being a contrary fuck—to be fair, until Steve/Bucky, my preference did seem to be the opposite of the larger fandom preference. But correlation, as we know, isn’t causation. Until Steve/Bucky, I continued to write versatile couples because I honestly didn’t have the guts to just say I liked it just one way. I do now but even then, I feel compelled to add that it’s because I want to see my own taste reflected in fic, so I write/read the character I relate to as a top, it's not that deep etc. Would I be as forthright if I didn’t have that reason? Would I have such strict preferences in fic if I didn’t have strict preferences IRL? The latter’s a mystery, but the former isn’t—I wouldn’t be because fandom is still entrenched in the same ideas that got me to this point to begin with.

In every fandom I’ve been in, I’ve seen some version of this debate go around. Sometimes, it’s one party saying “why would you write Character X as a bottom, he’s so Reason A” and a reblog chain that insults the OP and/or extols the virtues of switching. Sometimes, it’s a general-ish message that says they don’t understand why people have strict preferences when we all know real gay couples switch. Sometimes, it’s blanket statements that accuse anyone with preferences of fetishizing. Sometimes, it’s the same reasoning that gets you “Character Y is a top because of Reason B” transposed on versatile couples except this takes the form of “they switch because they’re equals.”

Ya’ll, I’m fucking tired.

I have long since lost count of the number of stories I’ve seen where an exclusive top learning bottom and liking it is character growth. Where a character who prefers to bottom taking a turn on top is empowering.

Isolated, these are fine. But I’ve seen enough of such stories that it’s distinctly discomfiting and a major squick. Sometimes a trigger, if I'm too immersed in the story. I’m not going to try and burn an author at the stake because they pissed me off. I am just going to close that window and quietly handle my shit. People can write whatever they want. But this one theme hits too close to home, as you can see from this 1.6k rant.

My friend (also my ex-girlfriend) and I had an all-out bitching session about this the other day. Both of us are kinky fuckers who have rigid, complementary roles we prefer and we have both had our grueling days of struggling to reconcile our sexual tastes with our ideologies precisely because of how these things are frowned upon in conservative and progressive circles. Seeing that in fandom, of all places, is both insulting and exhausting. Topping and bottoming aren’t personality traits. Neither is D/s. It’s sexual preference and power play. It really does not have to be that deep. I am not exorcising childhood trauma using the bodies of women. My partners, former and current, have not been brainwashed by the patriarchy. We will not become better, more complete individuals once I magically stop being a stone top and my partners embrace the joys of a strap-on.

I have, with my own two eyes, seen someone say that in a really committed relationship, of course the couple will switch.

Bullshit.

It’s transparent bullshit. This does not get attributed to cisgender M/F couples. Even when the automatic assumptions of woman = bottom and man = top get addressed, switching isn't presented as the default. No one’s saying “oh, if you really love your husband, you’ll peg him”. I do know butch/femme sapphic couples get their own share of shit. Because it’s all heteronormativity, right? Can’t have any other reason for top/bottom roles.

You have two extremes with “so who’s the woman” on one end and “it’s woke only if they switch” on the other, and as far as I’m concerned, they’re equally damaging. There shouldn’t be a pressure, however subtle, to conform your taste in fiction to some arbitrary idea of progressiveness. People are going to like whatever they want anyway; all this does is create an atmosphere where those likes can’t always be freely expressed without a lot of mental gymnastics. We’re seeing so many versions of this in the pushback against so-called problematic content, but smaller, subtler versions exist too.

Fictional characters aren’t real. They can be whatever you want them to be. And yes, other people will often want them to be the exact opposite of your ideas, but that’s just how things work. Meanwhile, the people behind these usernames? They’re real. No one should be throwing real people under the bus to ‘protect’ characters that don’t exist. Hannibal Lecter doesn’t care whether he gets fucked or dismembered in Author B’s fanfiction, but the discourse that surrounds the dick up his ass? That does affect flesh and blood people.

I am not claiming that this is the only attitude in fandom. Middlegrounds do exist. Plenty of people abide by fic and let fic and there are folks who pipe up to say not every RL queer couple switches. But it’s often the extremes that reach most people. That was certainly my experience, and I’m not the only one.

I don’t really know how to end this post. It is 100% a rant and one that’s been building up for a while. Bottom line is that people’s sexual behavior varies wildly and whenever you attack sexual tastes in fanfic by saying it’s unrealistic - or worse because let’s be real, that’s a very tame word choice - please remember that there’s likely someone out there who practices it.

* I’m using switch and versatile synonymously in this post. It’s mostly concerned with top/bottom debates. A lot of what I’m saying is also echoed in portrayals of and discussions surrounding D/s dynamics, but I’m not addressing that as much for now.  

[natsumiheart]

I just wanna say how tired I am with some oumota shippers and their argument that oumasai is a bad ship cause apparently Shuichi never cared about kokichi and is annoyed with him and that oumota is better cause kokichi "opened up" to kaito like what they both were dying and kokichi had to convince kaito to work with him so he had to tell the truth that he wasn't the mastermind or else they'll die a meaningless death.I just really wanted to say this cause its driving me insane

Anonymous said:

Btw i was the anon that sent that ask ranting about oumota shippers saying oumota is better than oumasai and I just wanna clarify that I don't hate oumota shippers cause I know its their opinion and everyone can ship what they want but i feel like I really needed to tell someone about it cause it has been messing with my head and I don't have any irl friends that like DR and this blog felt the safest to vent to

Oh my goodness I’m so sorry you’re dealing with those people! I have a friend who is actually suffering from the same exact thing. Constant harassment from Ou**ta shippers saying Oumasai is toxic. I’m happy you feel like this is the safest blog to vent to ;; And just to make you feel better, here are a bunch of reasons why YOU’RE 100% RIGHT! and you shouldn’t be attacked or ashamed of how you feel towards that ship and all that hate towards yours. If anyone says Shuichi hated Kokichi and never cared for him just read this post! https://natsumiheart.tumblr.com/post/177427505177/hewwo-what-are-your-opinions-on-the-people-who

Warning: If you like Kaito x Kokichi I recommend you don’t read what’s under the cut, I don’t want to diss anyone’s ship in front of their face. That’s just insensitive, and the last thing I want is to ruin someone’s day. Unless you really want to know why others don’t feel the same as you, then don’t check out this post. Thank you!

Note that while I mention the bunch of reasons why this ship just straight up wouldn’t work out, I’m going to ignore the fact that Kaito acts very homophobic and transphobic in the japanese version of the game. I’ve mentioned it in this blog a bunch of times before, and it’s pretty obvious that everyone ignores his Homophobia so I’m just going to pretend as if he’s not homophobic and break down why exactly this ship wouldn’t work out even without him being homophobic in the first place. But I’m definitely not going to exclude how he acts towards guys in general.

> Kaito treats most guys he meets like trash, unless he respects them. Whenever Kaito finds a guy acting “Weak” he literally looks down on them, even gets frustrated with them. Huge proof is how he treated Shuichi for crying over Kaede, and then later punching Kokichi because he was acting “Weird”. Kaito was a huge fan of Ryoma, but when he saw what he has become, someone who has given up on his future, he started treating him badly, and after Ryoma was dead he even talked badly on him calling him “Weak.” and a “Sissy.” Not being able to understand the pain Ryoma was going through or how things were for him. He also got creeped out by Korekiyo for acting like a girl before he even revealed that he was “posessed” by his sister. Aren’t all those moments in the game enough proof that Kaito just straight up doesn’t like guys at all in that way? Then how could he *love* a guy, and Kokichi of all people. Heck, Gonta x Kaito make more sense than Kaito x Kokichi, even though he yelled at Gonta once for crying and being too weak for a man.

It’s shown multiple times in the game that Kaito treats guys like trash, and he treats Kokichi the worst of all.

Note: I do think Kaito can change the way he acts towards guys, but I don’t he will ever love one romantically.

> I think we can all agree that Kokichi is really hard to deal with sometimes. He distances himself so much from everyone as much as he could, and he won’t back down that easily even if it meant hurting others’ feelings. He keeps lying constantly so no one can figure him out or get close to him. We don’t exactly know the reason why, but he has major trust issues and it shows.That is the reason why for us, seeing Shuichi listed under “Trustworthy” was a big deal. (But I’m not going to dive deep into that since I already did multiple times in this blog.) My point here is that Kokichi needs someone with patience, someone who could understand him a bit and why he does what he does. Someone to decipher his actions and break down his walls, but isn’t afraid to sometimes step his foot down and tell him that his actions are wrong and he’s harming others as well as himself. Kaito on the other hand grows frustrated with guys so quickly, he doesn’t listen to their reasoning before heading in for physical violence. THAT is exactly the opposite of what Kokichi needs! And I still don’t understand how others can’t see it! When Kaito punched Kokichi in chapter 4, he was already in so much despair over seeing the secret of the outside world and that punch made it worse. To the point he stayed silent then locked himself in his room. How in the world do people actually see this ship as better than oumasai? I don’t get it.

Kokichi shouldn’t be with someone that will treat him like trash, and physically (if not also emotionally) harm him for how he’s acting.

> Opposites sometimes attract, but POLAR opposites do not. and I’m talking from personal experience here, two people who are different in so many ways (ESPECIALLY THEIR WAY OF THINKING) will end up fighting 24/7. It was shown again and again in the game that Kokichi and Kaito do not get along thanks to how different their approach is to things and their seemingly different upbringings. Ships between two characters who fight a lot just make me so uncomfortable and disturbed, because I know how these relationships actually end up in real life. Fights do happen in relationships sometimes, it’s even needed to strengthen the relationship, to realise that no matter what happens you STILL love your partner, but when you fight every single time you talk? That’s a bad sign! 

Fighting is NOT romantic and it never will be! And when it has physical violence mixed in? My god. Please do yourself a favor and break up with your partner if they keep hitting you.

> Kaito doesn’t ever side with Kokichi:

He literally said in chapter 4 “I don’t wanna survive it means I have to stoop to your level!” and Kokichi said “Then die in a hole for all I care! WE wanna LIVE, so stop getting in our way!”. Kaito will never be on Kokichi’s side, Even if it meant his death and the deaths of all his friends.

When Kaito realised that maybe watching all the motive videos together would’ve prevented a murder from happening Shuichi is the one that points out that it was what Kokichi was trying to do. But then Kaito is like “Huh, really?” Then brushes it off. Because of course, of course Kokichi wants murders to continue. Right?

Even after Kokichi spilled everything to him because he was literally about to die and really wanted Kaito to go along with his plan and believe him. Kaito still stated that he still thought he only thought of himself. Even after Kokichi sacrificed himself to save HIM from the poison and MAKI from being his murderer. He still hated him and didn’t believe him. The only reason Kaito went along with his plan was because he was about to die anyway, he was running out of time and he needed to get out even if it meant following Kokichi’s plan and killing him in the process.

When two people actually love each other they have each others backs. But with these two, they never will.

> I don’t believe Kokichi hated Kaito. But he literally thinks he is stupid and is a bad influence on everyone. These two have a relationship of two siblings that can’t stand each other. I always see myself and my brother in them, which is another reason why their ship makes me beyond uncomfortable. My brother puts his trust in people way too easily, and believes whatever tf his brain comes up with because y’know it’s him and “he’s always right”. He would never take a second to think that maybe he’s wrong, just like Kaito and his hunch. I on the other hand find him incredibly stupid, we argue a lot because our way of thinking and our beliefs are very different, we even used to hit each other a lot. We never really got along. And the way Kokichi and Kaito act around each other really reminded me of it, but you don’t know me and you don’t know my brother so why should you take my word for it? An example I like to use when trying to explain this point to others is the relationship between Stanley and Stanford in Gravity Falls, those two fought a lot in the show but in the last episode they had to work together on a plan despite their differences. Doesn’t it remind you of a certain story that happened in the game? Kokichi and Kaito’s relationship resembles theirs so much it’s insane. 

I feel like the game tried to show us how these two are more like siblings but on bad terms, even giving them similar hair and eye colors. But that flew straight over every rivalry shipper’s head.

These are some of the reasons why Ou**ta wouldn’t work out and can’t even be a thing in the first place, I said it before and I’ll say it again: I could write a book about this topic. But I’m kinda busy today and I have to leave the house soon- I hope you’re convinced that you are actually right. (I’ve been told countless times that I’m wrong leading me to question myself, so I wanted to help out by reassuring you that your feelings are valid and you’re not wrong in this situation at all) Saying Oumasai is toxic for one line Shuichi said while he was angry and defending his friend, while shipping Ou**ta and ignoring all this stuff is like the most hypocritical thing anyone can say. 

And yeah, people should ship whatever they want. Lots of people ignore characters’ feelings and ship the crackiest of ships, making very OOC art and fanfiction. And they can do that! But they can’t go around dissing people for their ship while supporting an obviously flawed one. Honestly you shouldn’t attack people for their ships in the first place, no matter what YOU ship. Just stay in your own bubble and stay away from the ships you dislike. It’s not that hard!

If you’re an Ou**ta fan reading this, I just want to say thank you for reading this far, and I’m really not saying you should stop supporting your ship. I’m just explaining why we feel this way towards it and the evidence we have behind it. If you’re one of the people who go around attacking shippers while boasting your ship. Please stop? Seriously, stop giving a shit about other people’s opinions and life will suddenly become much easier.

I’d like to clarify: If anyone responds to this post telling me I’m wrong, I’m not responding. My blog is for me to post art, sometimes funny stuff to make people’s days, interact with my followers and draw their requests, or ranting about topics I’m passionate about (Mostly DR). I do not want it to be a place for ship discourse, so if I get disagreeing replies or asks I’m going to ignore them like I always do whenever I post these rant type blogs. I hope you understand.

[ahiddenpath]

My Current Thoughts on Writing Fanfics

I’m so glad I’ve had this bloggity since 2012, because I can see how much my approach to writing has changed!  I wanted to touch base on where I am now, plus answer the most common questions I receive about writing fanfics beneath the cut.

Obligatory disclaimer: I’m a hobbyist writer, this is meant to be taken as opinion/reflection, not advice, different approaches work for different people, annnnd also check out my digimon fanfics (FFN and AO3).

How do I develop a regular writing habit?

I’d start by setting aside 15 minutes a day to write.  Don’t focus on word count- writing x number of words can be intimidating, but most people can sit for 15 minutes and get something down.  If you’re writing on a computer, turn off the internet and place your phone out of reach

Gradually increase the session length.

Never worry about the quality of your writing while you’re drafting.  That’s what editing and subsequent drafts are for.  I have a post on utilizing successive drafts to combat writing paralysis here, but the tl;dr is that the pressure to write a perfect story in the first draft often turns writing into an agonizing trial instead of creative play.

Your first draft is bad, period, at least compared to what it will be.  In the kindest way possible, get over it.  Your value as a writer- or as a human!- isn’t tied into your questionable first draft.  Please explore your story in the earliest stages with enthusiasm, not criticism!  You’re going to make it so much better by the time you’re finished!

How do you write so much?

See, here’s one of the biggest changes in my mindset compared to my early days as ahiddenpath.  I used to think that doing all of this writing was like... extra credit, like a stretch goal I pushed myself to achieve.  

I learned in therapy starting in 2018 that the reason I keep writing is because I have to.  I have general anxiety disorder, and my brain...  Have you seen an old-timey cartoon with a boiler?  They are drawn swollen, metal distorting with steam pressure, rivets groaning and popping free.  That’s how I feel if I don’t write.  Don’t ask me why or how, but writing is like turning a valve to release the pressure.

(Quick PSA- my therapist calls creative outlets “coping skills.”  If you feel like you have boiler brain, make time for your hobbies, no matter how tired you are.)

For me, writing is challenging play.  Although I’m often conveying messages that matter to me or exploring ideas I want to work through, and I try to make the best product I can...  I don’t take it seriously, and I don’t sweat over it.  I’m here to wander, play, and take care of myself.

So basically, I think the recipe for producing lots of writing is: regularity/habit (do it every day, even for just a little while), minimizing distractions, separating the processes of drafting and editing, turning off criticism in the early stages of drafting, and writing for yourself and your own needs.

 Do you feel embarrassed about writing fanfic?

Nope.  I write for my mental health/because it’s fun, period.  However, I also don’t tell people IRL that I write fanfic!  But I’m a private person (I don’t tell people IRL that I’m asexual, for example, and I only tell them I have anxiety if I freeze up in front of them).

Do you feel embarrassed about writing OCs/fakemon?

Hahahaha!  Look, I know there are lots of people who won’t read OCs and fakemon.  I know there are probably people who wish I would stick to more canon stuff (both in terms of OCs and my strong preference for AUs).

But I’m here to write what I want, and while it makes me happy when people read and enjoy my work...  It’s no skin off my back if they don’t.  I already fulfilled my goal of taking care of myself.

Don’t you want to get published and make money for your writing?

No, not at this time.  For everyone who has said that I have the writing skill to be published, thank you so very much.  That’s so kind, and I truly appreciate it!

But...  The United States has the enormous capitalistic attitude problem that endeavors are only worthwhile if they generate capital.  I can’t even begin to tell you how damaging this concept is- literally, I’m not equipped with the sociopolitical educational background.  

Sometimes I think I’d like to become a published novelist?  But sometimes I recall that I have a dope research gig, and I wanna play around with writing in my free time.

To be clear, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t pursue your creative career dreams!!!  And, who knows, maybe some day I’ll get tired of research and want to try swapping to the hobby/skill I’ve spent so much time refining.  Just...  Never stop doing something fun and harmless you enjoy because “it doesn’t make money.”  

I’m not gonna sit here acting like I know what the purpose of life is, but I think having fun and meeting your needs is pivotal.

Okay, so how can I support my favorite fandom content creators?

Bless you, f’real.  The easiest way is to comment on their stuff.  For meta writers, leave comments, engage, ask questions.  For fanfiction writers, leave reviews.  I have so many lovely folks who chat with me over Tumblr or discord after reading my stuff, which is so great.  But it’s hard to find those sweet messages later.  I can always click on reviews any time I need a little positive reinforcement/boost.  So, even if you’re going to talk to the writer later...  Leave that review!

If the content producer uses social media, reblog their stuff to give them more exposure.  Likes are for you, so you can find a post later.  Reblogs are for the creators, so other people can see their work.

Things like fanart, fanfic of fanfic, cosplays, and other... fan content of fan content make our year, I promise!  We love that so stinkin’ much!

Some fan content producers have a ko-fi and/or a patreon, so sometimes there are monetary ways to show appreciation.

If you’re intimated by a content producer, please remember that we are all massive dorkasauruses.  I absolutely guarantee it.

How do you have so many ideas?!

Ah, I have a Future Projects page on my blog- I don’t think pages work on mobile.

But here’s the secret: ideas are the easy part.  They are literally a dime a dozen.  Heck, there are AU generators!  Just pick characters out of a hat and use an AU generator and bam, you’re off!  And even then, you don’t need a real idea to start writing!  I launched Four Years on the thought of, “hahaha, wouldn’t it be a mess if the Chosen went to college together?!”

We’re writing fanfic; we’re here to play.  There’s no need to crush yourself with the expectation that you must write the next hit thriller plot.

In my opinion, the much better question is: how do you manage your projects such that you complete them?

So, uh, how do you manage your projects?

I’ve established that I write fanfic to play and to take care of myself, but I do want to grow as a writer along the way.  And the best way to learn how to craft narratives is to practice completing them.  If you launch stories over and over and only write roughly 1/4 to 1/3 of the way through the story...  All you’re practicing is how to start a story.

When I first started writing as ahiddenpath, I did exactly zero planning (see the Four Years reference above).  I ended up with longfics stretching as long as 400K+ words- that’s over six novels (based on the average adult fiction novel length)!!!!!  It is so daunting to work on longfics, because you feel like the ending is nowhere to be seen.

SO most of my pointers circle around always writing towards your ending, even before you start!

-Decide what you want to say with your story before you start writing.

First, “what you want to say” doesn’t have to be a big, grand theme.  It can be as big as “how the trauma of their adventures impacted them after” or as small as “I think these dorks would have a good time at laser tag.” 

I’m not talking about a detailed outline (in fact, I personally hate outlines).  Just know what your story is about and make sure what you write points to it.  If you can make the structure of your story mimic your theme, even better!  But no worries if that doesn’t work out, it’s not always possible.

-Write linearly

The best way to keep moving along in your story is just to... keep writing it in order.  This helps achieve regular updates, and prevents you from potentially “losing” material if you change your mind about the plot before reaching the bit you wrote already.  This happened to me so frequently that I stopped writing ahead of myself.  If I have an idea, I write it down, but I don’t draft future scenes.  In my experience, they often never see the light of day.

I’m told people often write the bit of the story they most want to write first?  If you have a single scene that you’re really longing to write, but you don’t know how to get there/don’t want to write the rest...  May I suggest that you... don’t write the rest?  If your scene works as a oneshot, write that oneshot!  Don’t torture yourself with a lot of writing you don’t want to do.  Most often, people end up forcing their way through 1-4 chapters, then stalling before ever reaching the Good Bit. 

A moment of silence for all of the unwritten Good Bits out there.  Now, some Enya.

If you can’t reduce Good Bit setup to a oneshot, reduce as much as possible.  I think that sometimes, people underestimate the incredible advantages of writing fanfiction?  Everyone knows your characters already, and maybe even the setting, if you keep it canon.  You can cut out the setup and dive right into what you want to do with the characters! 

-Think about the structure of your story before you start

Considering the structure of your story is a fantastic way to estimate how long it will be/ensure that there is an ending in sight from the start.  For example, in Voices, I covered a single school year in Japan, writing a diary entry for a different Chosen every day, so I knew that I would write the story for roughly a year.  After August had one chapter per Chosen, so each child could help Taichi deal with his post Adventure trauma in their own way, plus an opening and closing chapter.  My Tri story, Tri: Integrity Lens, is written and posted in installments covering each Tri movie.

It’s fine if no particular structure strikes you.  I could see forced structure turning into a gimmick, you know?  But if it naturally works out, it’s a great way to have a solid idea of how much story is ahead of you before you start, and where the story will end.  And being cognizant of how and when a story ends from chapter one yields a tighter, shorter fic, one that you’re more likely to complete.

-Consider writing in batches/sections before posting

So lately, I’ve been experimenting with how I deliver fanfic updates.  I mentioned that my Tri fic follows the Tri movies.  Each movie is covered with a few 3,000-6,000 word updates that I post every other week.  I cover an entire movie before posting any of it, and then I plan to take a break in between movies to work on either the next movie or a different fic.

AND THIS IS SO GREAT!  Having large chunks of my story written is such a fantastic way to do things!  I keep thinking of little details I can add/things I should mention and noticing inconsistencies I can fix before posting.  Giving myself a larger picture and time to mull over it by spreading out updates is making a huge difference for me.

Plus, giving yourself little breaks between installments can help keep you fresh and motivated, while leaving your audience waiting at a nice, natural stopping point.  Plus, this way they know that you haven’t just... up an vanished or dropped a story.  You’re just taking an announced break.

How do you plan stories?

I believe I mentioned hating outlines.  I personally respond best to “structured freedom.”  I focus on things like: what are my themes/what do I want to say, how will the characters grow or regress, how is this story structured or formatted, what is the overall tone and mood.  Other than that, I keep things fluid...  Which is why it’s so important for me to enforce some kind of ending point before I begin.

Basically, for me, too much planning = a boring slog where I can’t inject the moods and ideas of the day into my work without derailing meticulous plans.  Too little planning = longfic hell.  I’m guessing that everyone has to decide for themselves where they land on this continuum!  Exploration is vital.

Okay, I am out of steam for today.  If you have any other writing/fanfic questions you’d like answered, please let me know!  Here are some other resources I’ve made.

-Combating writing paralysis with successive drafts

-Dishing with an artist

-Tips for Fanfic Authors

-More Tips for Fanfic Authors

-Tips for Winning Nanowrimo

-Resources/Advice for Digimon Adventure Fanfic Writers

[adollarformythoughts-joemama]

Welcome to the N.H.K.

                    exclusively anime review and strictly just my opinion

*clears throat*

       I’m someone who’s never taken much of a liking towards ‘slice-of-life’ animes. I’ve intentionally overlooked them along with their, in my opinion, equally drab counterparts such as ‘coming-of-age’, romance and marvel films. Regardless, the genres do surprise me as well as most with the occasional spurts of good films/ animes/ series. Welcome to the N.H.K, I can gladly admit, is one of them.

*DISCLAIMER: CONTAINS SPOILERS. THOU HAST BEEN WARNED*

 To recapitulate: Tatsuhiro Satou is a 22-year-old ‘hikikomori’ who has reclused himself from the outside world for nearly 4 years and who’s primary means of living is entirely satisfied by his parents. He meets Misaki Nakahara, who takes him up on a weird project to heal him of his condition. During the course of the story, he weaves himself into developing games with his neighbor and high-school junior, Kaoru Yamazaki, an actual suicide pact/ expedition with high-school senior, Hitomi Kashiwa, and a freaking pyramid-scheme aided by his high-school class leader, Megumi Kobayashi, along with other oddities. All the while, he blames his downfalls on a conspiracy, the idea of which was seeded into his head by Hitomi, the N.H.K.

And if I were to recap just the ‘essence’ of the long winding plot points of the anime, I would say “it is the most slice-of-life anime that has ever slice-of-life -ed.”

Welcome to the N.H.K is a depressing story of someone who has removed himself from the outside world and who struggles on a day-to-day basis to do anything at all other than being holed up and waste away. And this is exactly what the writing of his character portrays. With his nervous breakdowns in public, his blabbering when he does come in contact with someone else, his incessant lying to escape tedious situations, him alluding his shortcomings to the works of the N.H.K, everything depicts spot-on how a person like him would be in real-life. In fact, every character in this anime have been written with a level of accuracy and relevance to real-life individuals and not as exaggerated and unrealistic depictions. One of the scenes that I found impressive, in this regard, was when Satou pushes himself to find a job and repeats his introduction to himself countless times as he walks up to the job-offer. As someone who’s been an introvert most of my life, I can confirm that this ,in fact, couldn’t be more accurate to character. All this takes on an eerie note when you get to know that the author himself is a hikikomori.

Satou frequently recalls his high-school literature club where the only other member was Hitomi. From his flashbacks we understand that Satou was never as worse as he is now but has to some extent always been detached from the rest of his colleagues. Therefore, it isn’t too far-fetched as to how he ended up in this precarious situation, nor is it difficult to know why he alludes his misfortunes to the conspiracy of the N.H.K. He even occasionally regrets not taking things further with his senpai, Hitomi, thinking he wouldn’t have been stuck in this position if he did. Then comes along, Misaki Nakahara.

Misaki Nakahara, as we learn later on, is even more so dark than Satou is. At first, she comes off like a means of hope and redemption. This image of hers is strengthened as Satou, much like everyone else who watches this anime, relates her to an angel. An angel sent from God to rescue him from his affliction. A guardian angel, if you will. Her inconspicuous and shrouded ways of finding out and knowing everything about Satou justifies our stance. Even her character art comes off as this innocent, delicate, loving and kindred soul. However, this is not who Misaki is under her façade. She spies on Satou through the direct view from her own room and gathers his information from the landlord of his building who happens to be her uncle. All this she does just to convince herself that she’s not as helpless as she seems and that there is someone who is more worthless than she is. Her character is twisted in all sorts of ways. She blames herself for all the misfortunes she has imagined to have inflicted on those around her. She has no drive and no purpose. She’s just as Satou is- wasting away but in a rather move concealed and outwardly pleasant way. Her rather pointless counselling sessions for Satou sometimes reveals her own gnarled ideologies: being confident by believing that the other person is worse or in a lower position compared to you. Her relationship with the cat is yet another example of her ideologies: “As long as I give him what he wants, I’m sure he’ll remember me.”

The suicide pact scene. I bring this up to discuss the characteristics of the above mentioned two. While it was a truly interesting sequence with some dark humor behind it, it also made it clear how far gone both Satou and Misaki were. Satou throughout the anime, fights a dynamic where he’s comfortable and almost okay at some points, with his horrible condition, but also desperate at others to get out of it (which I can again attest to and say it’s quite accurate to when someone is in similar conditions IRL). His desperateness pushes him to be selfish at times, one of it being his ‘trip’ with Hitomi. In his head, Hitomi seeks solace in him and is on the verge of falling off the map (no pun intended) for a few days as is the norm. He takes the opportunity to accompany her on a trip which would eventually relieve him of his hikikomori condition. Whether or not his feelings for her are significant or true enough doesn’t seem to be his concern while choosing her as his ticket out. Cut to the scene where they stand on the cliff’s edge, ready to dive into their awaiting coffins. Satou finally understanding the awkward situation he’s in, doesn’t know how to back down. As the others, one by one, back out, realizing they would be leaving something behind, Satou realizes he has absolutely nothing to leave behind. His only ember of hope stands beside him, clutching his hand and brimming with certainty of dying. So, he would die too. But alas, my boy can’t catch a break! Hitomi’s boyfriend rides in and proposes, providing her with something (-one) she could call her own. Something that she could look forward too. Something that could brighten up her life. She decides not to jump and along with that the ember of hope to Satou is snuffed out. Now he really WANTS to jump. Here is where I turn to Misaki. Any ‘friend’ or ally in their right minds would call out the reasons as to why he shouldn’t end his life but continue to live. Now this isn’t what she does, is it readers? Ah, you’re right. The answer is no (I do apologize for having my little Dora the Explorer moment). She calls him out for what she sees him as- a worthless, up-to-no-good individual. His heart breaks even more, if it were even possible to in the first place. Here ends all the fluffy moments the two share. And that, rightfully so. Misaki doesn’t want Satou to die because she needs him in her own little selfish way, to live.

Hitomi Kashiwa, the depressed high school senior of Satou who turns to substance abuse to keep herself going. She is probably one of the best characters along with Satou and Misaki. Her conditions are not that bad compared to the latter. She seems to be doing well enough and even has a loving boyfriend. Sure, he’s often preoccupied with business matters and her own work atmosphere doesn’t seem like the best, but she is in a lot of ways more stable than the others. Nevertheless, she is probably on the best media portrayals of a depressed individual. Not just sad. Not just grieving. But in perpetual gloom. That, readers, is what depression is. Despite having a loving boyfriend, who she herself undeniably loves, she turns to Satou for a sense of comfort. An eerie, disturbing, transient and eventually unsettling comfort which would seem foreign and even stupid to someone unaccustomed to her condition. While she was never my favorite character and she isn’t really an interesting one either, she plays into the theme of the anime and is quite instrumental to it. Just like Satou’s neighbor, Kaoru Yamazaki. He provides Satou with some purpose, for a while, as well as companionship. He has his own set of battles to war in, into which I won’t go too much. Near the end of the anime, Yamazaki is forced to return home and manage the family ranch, giving up on his passion and dream of game designing as well as cutting off all connections with his love interest, who takes up a lot of his raw emotions during the course of the anime.

The final sequence is just…amazing. Everything Misaki could live for, she loses. Satou, having been cut off of all expenses, is practically forced by his primal instincts of survival, to look for a job and feed himself, much like Megumi’s brother (the gut-wrenching cry of pure pain he lets out as the gang leaves his place is similar to the cry of defeat Satou lets out on the cliff. The similarity is both sad and impressive). At this point, Misaki decides to end her life. Satou rushes to save her, owing to the love he has for her, despite the bitterness between the two. As Satou embraces the trembling Misaki, he tells her that the misfortunes she seems to be plagued with, are not her fault. She should live. She shouldn’t give up. If she must blame it on something, let her blame it on a conspiracy, the N.H.K for example. You can call it whatever you want. You can even call it God, he says. But she doesn’t need to blame herself and she doesn’t need to feel worthless. She isn’t. And here, he takes off running to the edge of the cliff, this time determined to jump. He shouts for her to live a long life, at least because of what  he’s about to do. He breaks character. He stops being selfish. He’s ready to die a dramatic death if it means she would accept it and live. Of course, in the end both leave alive but also having died and reborn. The anime ends on a rather neutral and open-ending note. Satou is still an anxious outcast but he’s in a better place. He signs a (third) contract agreeing to the terms that both him and Misaki would help each other and keep each other going. This isn’t a happy ending. This is an ‘okay’ ending and that’s what makes it amazing.

 Life is often filled with one bad experience after another. There are times we are able to pick ourselves up and keep going but there are times we fall down and seem to forget how to get back up. Most times we cruise through life having done nothing significant. Most times we feel worthless. Sometimes, we stay down and only seem to stay there. The weight of the world and the weight of the emptiness we feel, crushes us and squishes us into the recesses of the Earth. Sometimes we get tired and decide to give up. But that’s how life is. No matter how bad of a place you’re in, life has a weird way of actually getting better, a way of giving you some space to breath. No matter how bad life gets, you can always come back. You can always get a chance to smile. Satou and Misaki aren’t suddenly living in a fairy-tale, where it’s all glee and rainbows. They continue to live in their trying situations, but they aren’t as worse off. They get to live not just for the sake of living. Hitomi on the cliff earns something similar: a future that brings her happiness. Yamazaki finds the same in the ranch. He isn’t doing what he initially craved to do but he’s content and has someone equally content to share it with. His ending tells us that life has a strange sense of humor. We may never know where happiness may pop out off. Life does get better and is worth all the gold in this world and even more, to experience it.

“Welcome to the N.H.K is the most slice-of-life anime that has ever slice-of-life-ed.” You get it now? The OP is filled with abstract imagery, quite fitting to the anime itself. Satou, first painted as a normal guy, reveals a dejected, terrified person when the camera pans into his mind. Misaki, looking like an angel, reveals a sad, twisted person as the camera pans into hers. The opening song, if you notice, changes ever so slightly yet at the same time very significantly, throughout the anime. The trumpets in the first version fade away and a more opera-like music takes its place signaling to the change in tone of the story itself. Throughout the anime as well, the music is very appropriate, and the scenes are always tinged with a bit of dark humor. I wouldn’t be surprised to catch myself laughing at an otherwise pathetic scene. But that’s the anime for you. Sick but beautifully written.

Would I recommend this anime to others? I surely will. It’s beautiful, realistic and doesn’t glorify being an addict or an otaku as some other media do. Meme culture has normalized depressing tones and other media has romanticized the idea and planted misconceptions that these people would somehow, someway end up heroic. This anime testifies life for what it is.

It’s a light watch in terms of storyline but definitely an unsettling one in the one of the best and hopeful way possible.

My rating: 8/10.

Feel free to share your opinions and views down below.

[tartareus]

Do you condone/ship incest? I was reading your rules and got confused about your sentence where you said if people are uncomfortable with fictional consensual incest this isn’t the blog for you. Except Incest is incest regardless of if it’s fiction

hi there, friend, how do you do?

while i'm not particularly fond of anons (nex time you'd like to discuss something regarding my rules and/or character portrayal, i strongly encourage you to do so via ims - i don't bite, and if our points of view don't quite match? that's alright, i promise i'll leave you in peace :) ) for various reasons, i'm so glad you've read my rules (that probably makes you one of the few who follow me - at least i presume you do, idk - who has done so, so thank you so much!), i cannot stress enough how important they are to me. if i happen to follow you, rest assured that i have read yours (unless, ofc, i couldn't find one in your blog - in any case, if i happen to accidentally break one of yours, just hmu or gimme a nudge).

considering that you've asked more than one question, i'll answer to you in separate sections - needless to say that while i break it down your questions, the answer might become a little longer than usual (again, i'm sorry). i'll keep this tagged, in case any of my followers don't feel like reading about this. without further ado, let’s dive in.´

“do you condone/ship incest?”

short answer? nope. but that is not a black or white question i’m afraid. no, i – nox, the human behind this blog of fictional characters – personally do not condone incest , never have and never will, and  don’t ship it. i do, however, ship consanguinamory on rare occasions, and when i do happen to write it i never do it in a good light.

for those who are not familiar with the term, here’s a little bit of info about it x && x. in short, the key difference between them is: incest is usually linked abuse (a fictional example that can be used, taking in consideration one of my very own muses, in this case is margot verger – who was sadly abused by her brother in the hannibal books) while consanguinamory (the lannisters, for example, or even the sharpe siblings from crimson peak are examples of consanguineous relationships) is the consensual romantic and/or sexual relationship between members of the same family who are of consenting age.

[ personally, i find both of them gross as fuuck irl but when it comes to fictional works i may get over this first disgust and ponder more on that && take in consideration the characters arch, plot, thoughts and the whole world they are set in. ]

i suppose the turning point here is the consent. i never, never, condone any sort of abuse – not in fiction and neither in real life – and while it’s a subject that bothers me to no end in real life, when it comes to fiction i am less inclined to project into them. i may write dark and toxic relationships, but i obviously do not condone them. that’s the point here – people on this hellsite usually mix the two together (condoning something and shipping/writing it, that is) when in fact they shouldn’t even be in the same box to begin with.

let’s say you write a fictional serial killer – norman bates, tate langdon, hannibal lecter, catherine tramell (that chick from basic instinct), patrick bateman, mrs lovett and sweeney todd, kai anderson, bellatrix, grindelwald and voldemort (the list of plausible examples could go on forever…) – here and ship with them; does it mean that you, the writer, condone every single action and choice your muse does? if writing something purely fictional equals to condoning it in real life, well… the world is even more fucked up than i first thought.

you see, in this little exercise in imagination, you could’ve easily picked a good guy or gal to write, the hero; the goody two shoes. why didn’t you? well, it’s complicated to pin point why some are drawn to darker works of fiction and characters while others are not, i suppose each individual has their own reasons && i can only speak for myself when i say that i am drawn to these sort of fictional works because they the safest way to explore dark topics that pertain to human society. on my side, it’s nothing but raw curiosity.

there’s also the issue of how different cultures see these relationships. in case you haven’t noticed, i am not from the states but actually from brazil. especially in the rural area, it’s not uncommon for second cousins to date or even marry (ew, i know, pretty gross). that’s something that is luckily falling out of practice, but you can easily find it, more so in the poor rural areas that are really far from the cities.

you may have noticed that most of the sources for the terms come from a blog that advocates real life consanguinamory – but make no mistake, i don’t support it. these were the only places i’ve found as sources in a quick look online. i don’t support it irl, but whatever consenting adults are doing amongst themselves is no concern of mine – i have no say on the matter and all in all, i don’t give a damn. i just don’t like it. everything i’ve discussed here is related to fiction, consent and is only ever related to people of consenting age.

“i was reading your rules and got confused about your sentence where you said if people are uncomfortable with fictional consensual incest this isn’t the blog for you. except incest is incest regardless of if it’s fiction”

to be honest with you, anon, i couldn’t possibly see how you’ve got confused with this. i thought i was pretty clear with that, but perhaps not. sorry, my english is not perfect. however, with the risk of sounding like a meme, i said what i said. if you personally feel uncomfortable or even triggered with fictional consensual incest otherwise known as consanguinamory, maybe my blog isn’t for you. not because i – as the mun –  condone it, but because i might mention it or even allude to it when i write certain characters. again, consent is the main thing here – you won’t ever see me writing that awful part of margot’s past, but i might mention it on some threads as it is part of her trauma but i will write jaime’s feelings regarding cersei and joanna’s love for tywin – and that should not be overlooked.

“except incest is incest regardless of if it’s fiction” 

so far so good, am i to assume that you also believe that “murder is murder, regardless of if it is fiction or not”? should we call the police on, idk, george rr martin for killing....hell knows how many characters...at this point i’m sure not even he knows. leaving my petty comment aside (it’s the arthritis, i’m always annoyed when in pain), i see where you’re coming from; fair enough.  but you missed a big point here – consensual. i do not write abuse, even to the muses who – in the canon source material – have done so    ( like jaime lannister himself – who’s in a consanguinamorous [therefore, falling under the category of fictional consensual incest] relationship with cersei – who abused his sister next to their son’s dead body [ yeah, jaime apologists, i’m out to get y’all...jokes aside, i do not acknowledge people claiming that cersei manipulated him into going to bed with her, while they are both shitty and toxic as fuck people, their relationship is mutually messed up – gag if you must but jaime lannister is far from innocent angel ] )     in the past. i. don’t. write. it. but i do write jaime’s feelings for cersei because they are canon and are also a big part of the character he became.

all of that, of course, has to do with my own position on the “war” between the people who believe fiction has a great power and influence over reality vs the ones who do not believe in that. personally, i find it hard to believe that fiction is a brainwashing tool rewiring people’s brains  - i find the idea itself ludicrous, the ones who strongly stand for that aren’t that different from flat-earthers and people who believe in reverse racism tbh – but i do acknowledge the influence media has on society. its not nearly enough to turn someone to the “dark side” alone by itself – those who claim that videogames, for example, made them violent most likely already had something different and perhaps wrong with them before the games triggered something. i don’t believe that media creates things on people, but brings buried things (fears, feelings, emotions, hopes) back to the surface. it’s all about the stimulus.

if you wanna be scared, watch an horror movie; if you wanna be happy, a comedy video.  wanna feel warm inside and live unrealistic romantic expectations vicariously through fictional characters? read a 50.000 words slow burn fluffy happy fanfic of your otp at 3 am even though you gotta wake up early in the following morning....

point is, they are not creating things, they are bringing forth responses from you that were already there in your brain (everybody has laughed before and felt fear, it’s part of human development). and how you react to certain content is entirely to you and your past. say, if you drowned as a kid on the sea - and had trauma from that - the idea of watching titanic is not so fun, is it?

it’s not my place to decide what you should do, that is entirely your own choice to make, just be aware that, as i’ve stated before countless times, i may write dark topics that may or may not be triggering to some.  i do so because it is my blog, and i don’t react so harshly to this content (in fact, i love horror, thriller and dark fictional stuff – meanwhile i dread the thought of rom coms, hell knows why??) for i am lucky to be able to separate fiction from reality. basically, whilst writing a villain, i myself do not become one in real life – that part remains in fiction only and doesn’t affect me.

that is not a constant, sure. i don’t just write dark shady stuff – there’s plenty of fluffy shit on my blog, but i like to warn people beforehand to make sure we are all on the same page. it’s for your own comfort, i suppose, because i may not understand certain points of view on fiction but i will always defend your right to be comfortable and safe.

so yes, if you aren’t feeling well at that notion, please unfollow and block me if you must – i never wish to cause any discomfort to anyone – however, before you do so (that is, if you do so) i beg you to just send me an im warning me beforehand, please? that way i can block you – and your other blogs as well – so the chances of me running into you again and causing you discomfort will be minimal. that way we’ll both be on own respective lanes and happy about it. i mass follow very often and don’t usually know which blogs belong to whom (uh, did that make sense? my latina ass is not used to using whom in a sentence....), i may follow another blog (or the revamped blog) of someone who has blocked me and never even realise it – that’s not me following you around and stalking like a total creep, that’s probably me not even remembering who you are. again, sorry – i don’t mean for this to come off rude or anything but???? its the truth? you know the drill, big following list, big followers list (well, big for me tbh, i cannot remember the name or alias of 600 people for the life of me, excuse me if my memory doesn’t serve me right), hard to keep track. there will be no witch hunts, at least on my part, because i deem them to be childish and way too dramatic for my taste. if you’d like to speak in private, adult to adult, i’m always game – i dread vague posting, i personally see it as a pathetic and weak trait. 

as long as you’re civil, so am i.

either way, do whatever makes you feel comfortable and safe on your blog – your  mental health is far more important (to me, and hopefully to you as well) than a hobby, than tumblr, rp or whatever fictional stuff someone’s writing or reading; you are responsible for your own online experience, and i am responsible for mine. that’s an empowering thing that should be reminded more often.

i truly hope i’ve managed to answer whatever doubts or questions you had in mind, if not my ims are always open and so is my discord. once again, thank you for reading my rules and stay safe!

edit; my dumb ass forgot to drop my disco handle, since i change often. it currently is   DOCTOR BITCHCRAFT !!! | 𝒏𝒐𝒙#1398

[bonepranks]

2020, and a year of Undertale

there’s a picture saved to my phone. timestamp: january 1. 2019, 4:10pm.

it’s a phone photo of my computer screen.

— Instruction — [Z or ENTER] - Confirm [X or SHIFT] - Cancel [C or CTRL] = Menu (In-game) [F4] - Fullscreen [Hold ESC] - Quit When HP is 0, you lose. Begin Game Settings

in the background, i’m watching moana on the tv. reflected against the black background is the window behind me, the holiday lights illuminating the otherwise dark winter sky. 4pm is too early for it to be so gloomy, and considering the fact that i’ve just had company at my house for a week straight, i shouldn’t be in such a slump. but i am, and i decided to buy undertale.

i wasn’t exactly a stranger to the game. @fluersamour had introduced me to it a few months prior, though i was only really aware of one character, and the plot and game mechanics were a complete mystery to me. not being interested in video games whatsoever, undertale had really stayed off my radar, and i had expressed little interest in playing it myself. i’m not exactly sure what came over me that day, what clicked in my brain for me to think that a computer game would be the serotonin boost i so desperately needed, but my subconscious knew what was up.

i was sucked in almost immediately, though my inexperience with games made it a somewhat frustrating experience, and at times more annoying than it was worth. but i stayed determined -- even when i killed toriel by accident twice. even when i died to dogamy and dogaressa more times than i care to count. even when i didn’t understand how save points worked and ended up back in the ruins after hours of game play. 

i fell in love with sans and papyrus, and as the game got more and more difficult, i found myself longing for the comforts of snowdin. i had tried my best to be a pacifist after killing toriel, but when undyne proved to be too difficult, i took the easy way out and started killing monsters for exp. i took my anger at the world and certain people in it out on undyne and her fight, which gave me so much anxiety that i made myself sick and was throwing up all night. but the next morning i beat her, and for some reason i don’t even fully understand, i let her live.

and the game continued on as normal, except now i was killing any and everything in sight. things started getting a lot harder for me irl. i was bored, listless, coming home from class and getting right into bed, where i stayed for the rest of the day with nothing but undertale to keep me company. i finally made it to new home, and when the monsters told the story of asriel and chara i wept like a baby. when sans looked me in the eye (metaphorically) and told me that LOVE stands for level of violence, i felt like i couldn’t breathe. but i stayed determined, because what else was there to do? i faced asgore in battle and when i tried to talk to him and the game told me “but there was nothing to say”, i was shook to my core. and when i backtracked to find more healing items, i accidentally ended up at undyne’s house, where papyrus implied that i was a murderer.

i didn’t know what to do. every time i tried to fight asgore, without enough money for food or armor, no extra defenses, and my sins crawling up my back, i died within the first few rounds. my subpar gaming skills were no match for him, and a little part of me didn’t even want to finish. i was overwhelmed with guilt and it all just felt wrong.

i put the game down, and didn’t touch it for nearly two weeks. in that time, i made sans’ blog. i had been trying to hold off until i finished, but i didn’t see an end in sight, and so i caved. i figured i would watch a playthrough to get the story and then just give up on doing it myself. but the more i dived into sans, the harder i found it to make that choice in good conscience.

* if you have some sort of special power... * isn’t it your responsibility to do the right thing?

it was. i’d started this, and now i had to finish it. but there was no way i could beat asgore, not like this. but that’s the beauty of video games. i opened undertale, and hit RESET. this time, i played fully pacifist. i looked up everything i needed including some spoilers in order to do it right, and when i got to asgore again, i beat him on my first try. the choice of MERCY was easy. the same with flowey, although he also killed me more times than i’d like to admit. it’s funny -- i don’t know if i would have made that choice on my own had i gotten through the game the first time. i guess it doesn’t really matter. 

finishing undertale, the full thing, was the most rewarding and cathartic thing i had ever done. and in the few months following, when i was in a pretty bad depressive slump, i had the fandom and the rpc to keep me going. my life became all about undertale for a while, and while it wasn’t my proudest moment, it was what i needed at that point. and i got past it, things got better, but undertale stayed with me.

i know most people have been in this fandom for a lot longer than me. a year feels like forever sometimes, until i remember some of you have been around for 4+. and i know we’ve all seen and experienced some shit. but the joy undertale brings me is something i’ll never let go of. i had a lot to be grateful for this past year, but undertale is at the top of that list. 

so thank you to everyone who has ever written with me, talked about undertale with me, or even followed me through my adventures on this blog. you made this last year truly amazing for me, and i am so excited for what 2020 brings.

[venus-says]

Kamen Rider Gaim Episodes 21-47

I LOVE FRUITS.

⚠ ⚠ Warning! Very long post ahead, be prepared. ⚠ ⚠

Yes, I got a bit too excited about this damn show and I couldn't contain myself from watching the rest of it on the weekend so here we are, a post for the rest of the show in its entirety.

I feel like this, kinda like the first one I did for Gaim, will be a post where it'll look like I hate the show because I'll talk a lot about the points I disliked and I won't spend as much time talking about what I did enjoy so let me just reinforce, I LOVED THIS SHOW A LOT (so much that I couldn't wait for another week to watch the ending) it's just that ironically it's easier to talk about the bad points rather than the good ones. XD

Since there's a whole lot to talk about I'll do this differently and instead of talking about the story as a whole, I'll comment on each character and their journey instead because I feel like this the best way to do it.

Starting with our protagonist, Kouta... was kinda difficult for me. Like, I get that he went through a lot and he definitely had an arc of growth that was compelling to watch, but I think his indecisiveness at times was kinda boring to see. And my problem isn't so much that he's not assertive of what decisions he has to take is the fact that we see him in periods of doubt, then the show makes it seem like he finally has made a decision, just to a few episodes later make him be doubtful of his convictions again. And while I understand that it's a normal thing to change your thoughts about something, I feel like it happens SO MUCH in the show that it feels forced for convenience of the narrative at times. They can't make him decide on a path earlier because the path of other characters wasn't laid down yet so he had to be in this constant roller coaster which got a little tiring after the fourth time he argued about what would be the best course of action to deal with Yggdrasil, the Overlord invasion, Kaito and Mitchy, and all of that.

Though I'll give credit for the show where it's due and it is very in character for Kouta to be like this so as much as it bugged me I know that if he was a real person IRL Kouta would do the exact same things and take the exact same decisions he made so that's great. Though I have a little problem with his selflessness, in the end they make a huge point about how Kouta was always like that, he always put the needs of the others before his own, but we never really see a backstory for him, the closest we get to his past is that one episode where we get to know that he rescues a dog while he was kid, so all we have to back up that claim is the show and, at least to me, it never felt like he was putting himself aside for the others. Of course, that may be because he's so selfless that even when it looks like he's doing things for his own satisfaction he is helping the others because that's where his satisfaction comes from, but I can't deny that it felt like we missed an episode just to illustrate that a little better.

Now, if there's one thing I really didn't buy was Kouta basically becoming a God by the end. First, he looks awful, I know his "armor" is basically the Zenith form but goooooosh he looks awful, everything there looks 4 sizes bigger than Kouta's actors actual size and geez that wig... how could they find a wig for Mai that looked pretty natural (aside from the color) but gave him that awful instant noodle wig???? And not just the looks, I knew that Kouta would be the one to be chosen in the end, not just because of his relationship with Mai but also because the entity that should be impartial in this whole matter only actively helped him during this journey so aside of a brief moment where I thought Kaito had the chance of being the one, I pretty much knew since the beginning that the one to hold the golden apple at the end would be him, which took all the tension this specific plot had to me.

Speaking of Gaim, he got two new forms, and they were pretty dope. The first one is the Triumph Arms and it sits with OOO's Tajador and Wizards' Infinity as my favorite rider forms from the ones I could experience so far. He looks like he's fully geared up and he's gonna get into that field and beat the entire enemy army on its own, I absolutely love everything about it, the fact this form has two flags on his back announcing that he's coming and those flags are also used in combat to me it's just incredible, and the DJ Gun???? Omg, that's so creative and so fun, I absolutely love it, also the bgm song that plays when this form is used is super hype and I desperately need to download it and listen to it on repeat for a whole month. The way it came up to be in the show was a little meh, the first time he uses it is to destroy Yggdrasil's scalar weapon thing so it wasn't that big of a moment, but it was still great. The other form he gets isn't as cool, at least to me, but I love that his final form is an actual shogun, again whoever was the person who came with this concept was a genius. I have an aesthetic problem with the fruits basket on his chest plate, but I pretty much like everything else about it. This form is everything Fourze's Cosmic States wanted to be but less convoluted and way better looking. And again another great song for this form, I know it's not exclusive for him but it doesn't make it any less awesome, honestly, Gaim's soundtrack is just incredible.

Moving on to Kaito, seeing his descent into the final villain of the show and perishing because of it was quite fun, and I also like that despite him going to the evil path he didn't become a monster. I mean, he did become a monster by the end after he turned into an Overlord himself, but even in his villainous path he still cared for the people who were at his side, you could see that he cared for Zack (to a certain extent), and he really cared for Yoko, so it was good to see that he didn't just become a senseless evil force, he had a vision for what he wanted and he was determined to achieve his goal. If I have to say a bad thing about him, and in this case, it's very similar to one of the complains I had about Kouta, that is the fact that we didn't get a lot of his past, I said in my first post that I didn't really get him and I still feel this way, all I know from his past is that he hates Yggdrasil for taking over the city and destroying the life that he had, but we don't know anything else and it gets hard to understand why is he so obsessed with power like that, I think that if instead of having the episode that served as tie-in for the movie we had used that to dive into his path and on his character more it would've been better, especially to make his death more impactful (but maybe that's not really necessary and the impression I have from this moment not being as good is because of the faces his actor was doing at that moment).

Talking about Baron, I got a little disappointed because his power-up form as a Rider was using the Lemon Energy lock seed and you know considering he would end up becoming the final villain I wish he didn't use the same lock seed that other two riders already used, especially when for one of them Lemon is it's only form, I don't know if it was a logistic problem but like they could've given him another fruit to use, or even make a Banana Energy lock seed and make it feel like if it was a direct evolution of his suit. But I think they redeemed themselves with his Overlord design because it looks amazing, very threatening and incredibly powerful. I think I'll never forget his final fight with Ryoma, it was awesome.

Mitchy was fun, I hated him every second of it but it was really fun seeing him becoming a crazy, obsessive, delusional asshole. He was everything I wanted for a villain, but I didn't like how he ended. Like, he almost killed Kouta and his brother, and the other characters in the show kept wanting to save him, and then in the end the show gave him a redemption by making him a hero and I was "oh please no". Call me a heartless prick but I do think he should've ended broke in the same mind state he was after Mai "died", I'm not against the idea of bringing Takatora back from the dead, but he really shouldn't be there acting as a hero in the final fight for the last episode. If they wanted to redeem him they should make him play the role Gridon had in that fight but without transforming and then Kouta comes back, he forgives Mitchy, but Mitchy doesn't forgive himself and he still has to live with the consequences of his acts weighing on his heart and he'll have to work to become a better person with the help of his brother instead of magically becoming a hero and everything is all joy and dances.

Next in line is Mai, and the problem I have with her is the same problem I have with the archetype she is in this story. She's the girl who has a deep connection with the main rider that has almost no personality that in the end plays up a crucial role in the main story, it was like that with Koyomi in Wizard, with Yuki in Fourze (on a smaller scale), Hina and OOO, and I'm really tired of this, especially because none of these characters are actual characters, none of them get any level of development through-out their shows, they have a quirk unique to them (Hina's supernatural strength, Yuki enthusiasm for space, Koyomi is a doll, Mai likes dancing) and is that quirk that defines them and their actions and it's really boring. Making characters like them be so important for the final plot kinda weakens everything because these are characters that I don't care for, but then suddenly they have the power of god inside them and I must get apprehensive about who she'll turn into a god as well even though when it's obvious who they'll choose to beneficiate in the end. I really don't like this element.

Zack was a nice surprise, I do think they waited too long to give his character some development because despite he appearing quite a lot he also was in the back seat many of those times so it was a bit of wasted potential. But he had his times to shine and when it came to it he really shined brightly, I think one thing that helped him a lot was all his interactions with Kaito while he tries to understand what's going on with his friend that he cares so deeply. I should be angry at him since Yoko died because of him, but I can't deny that his plan at the end to act as a double agent was pretty cool. I'm glad they gave him a movie special because I feel like he really deserves more exposure, I started not caring for him but I ended liking him quite a lot.

Another set of characters that also changed in my concept was Oren and Hide. My problems with them still exist, but after seeing their bond in episode 25 and seeing them becoming allies I grew to like them more, especially during the final arc. I still wish they weren't used for comedy as much as they are, but I came to be okay with them. Also, Hide in that final episode showed a lot of character seeing that he hasn't let go from Hase yet showing that he's more than just a coward guy that lives in the shadows of the others so, it's kinda impossible to hate on them after the end of the show.

Going to the new generation Riders, Takatora it's the one that had the most interesting development. I think what I like the most from this portion was seeing that he's very genuine in his desire to help humanity, he was open to listening to Kouta when he got to know about the Overlords, he didn't want this fight to happen, he just wanted to keep people safe. I also liked seeing he's fall and his uprising, everything happened in a very short time span, but it was very interesting to see his world falling apart in front of his eyes, but even then he didn't lose his convictions and this culminates in that great episode where he fights against Mitchy. I'm a sucker for siblings fighting each other in situations like that and they really delivered here, like bringing back his original melon suit to go against Mitchy who was using his energy lock seed was awesome, I did wish he had won that but I guess if he had won we wouldn't have Mitchy going deeper and deeper in his darkness so... but I'm glad they brought him back, just wish they had used him more in the final episode. But well, we got him as a "ghost" inside Mitchy's head for a good portion of the show so I guess it was a good trade-off. I'm really excited to watch his movie.

Yoko makes me sad. Not because she's bad but because the show didn't allow her to be used to her full potential. Like, she's a strong independent woman, but the show doesn't let her shine on her own, she for some reason, has to be always following a man, and even though she's still amazing and all the decisions she makes are very befitting with her character, I still wish she had done more. I thought at that moment where Ryoma left her behind while the Overlord invasion was happening she would finally bloom, but no, she just started following Kaito around. And don't get me wrong, her period with Kaito was very good, it ended up with her getting killed but it was still good, I just wish they had used her more, especially considering her actress also did a good portion of her in-suit scenes. I think wasted potential is the best way to describe her, sadly. Still love her to death tho.

Sid and Ryoma I don't have a lot to talk about. Sid was interesting just until the time he stopped being a dude that watches the situation from the outside, in the moment he started to get obsessed with power he lost all he had going on for him. At least he died and his death was quite decent so. And Ryoma, well he's Ryoma, he never had that much of a character to begin with so I don't have a lot to say. He's the typical mad scientist that's willing to use any ways possible for the sake of his research. It's not much, but it works for him.

The final characters to talk about are the Overlords. I like them, their designs are very cool, I like the concept of them being the last reminiscent of their civilization, and I also like that they gave them a new language. I have a problem with the fact that after a certain point they start to use Overlords as MOTW, but it doesn't offend me a whole lot. I like how they enter this story both as a threat and as a sliver of hope and despite becoming the main villainous actors they don't last till the end. I think what we got was way more interesting than if the Overlords had taken the final boos spot.

This pretty much sums up all of my thoughts in regards to the characters, but I still have a few nitpicks to talk about in a general perspective.

First, the show had two episodes that broke the action that were very weirdly placed, the first is that one with cyborg guy and the second is the tie-in with the movie, and these episodes shouldn't exist, I'm sorry. I know the tie-in episode is kinda important because it's a villain of the movie that comes attack in the final episode, but I only know that because I went to look it up because from the tie-in episode there's no way for the audience that only had contact with the show to know who's that rider attacking is. My second nitpick is that the show ended without a message, I know a message it's not something necessary to make a show good or not, but I don't know I feel like it would've been nice to have something it was trying to pass.

In any case, this is already way longer than it should be so I'll wrap up right here. Gaim is an awesome show, despite my problems with it I really love it and I definitely recommend everyone to watch it. I'm in love with this series and I don't wanna let it go. I hope the next one will be just as good. Now if y'all excuse me I'll walk in the path of blossoms to my bed, thank you so much for reading this absurdly long post and don't forget, if they could make fruits and samurai work you can make any of your stupid ideas become real as well, maybe that's the whole message of Gaim. XD Oh well, I'll see you, folks, on the next time. ^^

[snarktheater]

Ready Player One — Level Two (Chapters 17-18)

“I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal. —Groucho Marx”

Hey, at least the book isn’t quoting a fictional text that only exists in its own universe this time. That said, you know, when the quotes you give the biggest highlight to all have to do with how much the world sucks, it’s kind of killing my buzz about the whole “being alive” thing. Oh, and I guess it makes it look like you’re trying too hard to be edgy.

But I guess these are all shallow, surface problems. Let’s dig deeper as we enter Level Two and find out how much worse the infodumping gets. Because yes, it’s back in full force.

See, the book actually does justify splitting itself in multiple parts. At least for now. Specifically, it does so by way of a time skip. Well…sort of. More of a compressed time frame of a few months, which is mostly summarized to us through Wade and Artemis’s chatlogs.

Because, yeah, they’ve been chatting. Or, I should say, Wade has been harassing Artemis until she caved in and agreed to talk to him.

Parzival: Yes! Hey! I can’t believe you finally responded to one of my chat requests. Art3mis: Only to ask you to cut it out.

I will skip over the ensuing banter, because yes, of course they start bantering in spite of Artemis making it very clear she does not want to talk to him. Banter which pretty quickly takes a deep, hard dive into…questionable territory.

Parzival: So you’re telling me, definitively, that you are a female? IRL? […] After analyzing the available data, I’ve concluded that you must be a female. […] Because I don’t want to find out that I’ve got a crush on some 300 lb. dude named Chuck who lives in his mother’s basement in suburban Detroit.

I think there should be a ban on men using the word “female” as a noun. Preferably until the end of time. The correlation between that and misogyny is too high. Although, I don’t know, maybe it’s a useful alarm bell.

Artemis challenges that, and expresses suspicion that he wouldn’t care about her personality, and not “the package it comes in”. Parzival claims that he totally does, and…put a pin in that, we’ll get back to it in a short moment. But first, Artemis flat-out rejects the idea of engaging in romance with Wade, mostly on the grounds that he doesn’t really know her, only the side of her she lets him see. Which is fair, although I’m not sure if you can really act like that’s only true online (or even more true online, in their world at least).

But if you think rejection is going to deter Wade “I have stalked this girl for years on her blog” Watts, well…I mean, refusing to take no for an answer is how this chapter started, so you know that’s not happening.

So he insists. And insists. And insists some more. Oh, and did you know the Sixers tried to blow up Wade’s trailer?

Art3mis: You shouldn’t reveal stuff like that! I could be a Sixer spy trying to profile you. Parzival: The Sixers already profiled me, remember? They blew up my house. Well, it was a trailer. But they blew it up. Art3mis: I know. I’m still freaked out about that. I can only imagine how you feel. Parzival: Revenge is a dish best served cold.

You sure sound torn up about it, Wade.

Yeah, the book is basically going to flat-out ignore the ramifications of Wade’s house blowing up and him being forced to move to a new location and forge himself a new identity. No consequences—not practical ones nor emotional ones. It’s especially weird, because…moving to Columbus on the money he earns through his endorsement deals was already his plan to begin with. If the only purpose was to get Wade from point A to point B, the setup was already there. But since there’s no other consequences to IOI blowing up his home…what was the point of IOI blowing up his home? From a pure storytelling perspective, I mean? I’m just puzzled at this point.

Somehow, Artemis is still talking to Wade, so they start playing a game of one question each. We do learn that Artemis is 19 years old, studying poetry and creative writing in college. Not very important information, but it’s something. Assuming she’s telling the truth, but I’m sure she is.

And now, we get back to that “Wade doesn’t care about the package Artemis comes in, only her personality”. With bonus transphobia!

Parzival: […] Now, spill it. Are you a woman? And by that I mean are you a human female who has never had a sex-change operation? Art3mis: That’s pretty specific. Parzival: Answer the question, Claire. Art3mis: I am, and always have been, a human female.

I…hopefully don’t need to explain the problem with this, right? It’s basically transphobia 101: he states that trans women aren’t women, or at least not “really” women; he overfocuses on their body and specifically genitals (using some outdated and offensive terminology even by 2011 standards, I’m fairly certain); and they both equate genitals with gender, since Wade acts like you can only even be a woman post-transition, and Artemis’s response implies that pre-transition trans women aren’t women.

But it’s even worse in the light of that thing I told you to put a pin on. Because if Wade doesn’t care about her body, only her personality…shouldn’t it not matter that she’s trans? Hell, shouldn’t it not matter that she’s trans and pre-transition? And if he does care about her genitals, shouldn’t it still not matter that she’s trans if she’s post-transition?

I’ll stop this discussion here before I myself get too close to talking about trans people’s genitals. All I’ll say is this: if you think the transphobia is an isolated issue, you’re not thinking hard enough. With this statement, Wade doesn’t just prove he doesn’t consider trans women as real women, he also establishes that he does care about Artemis’s body.

It’s easy to make a grand statement about how you love women no matter how they look. It’s much harder to maintain that stance in how you actually talk to and about women. It’s a similar problem that plagued the Nerd Porn Auteur poem: it’s one thing to say you want all women and all body types to be viewed as attractive, but when the rest of your poem clearly establishes that you just want to enforce your own standard, it belies your thesis statement.

For the record, I knew this quote was coming, but it’s still awful to read, especially in the context of this guy harassing her into talking to him in the first place, and repeatedly making advances at her in spite of her constant rejection.

You’d think there would be some lull in the misogyny in this book, but apparently that’s a tall order.

Finally, Artemis says she has to go, and says they shouldn’t talk again until one of them finds the egg. Wade’s reaction?

Parzival: Can I at least keep e-mailing you? […] You can’t stop me from e-mailing you. Art3mis: Actually, I can. I can block you on my contact list. Parzival: You wouldn’t do that, though. Would you? Art3mis: Not if you don’t force me to. Parzival: Harsh. Unnecessarily harsh.

You’re literally saying you’ll harass her more, so…no, clearly it’s not “unnecessarily harsh”, it’s exactly the right response.

So of course, after a scene break…

I started e-mailing her.

Yup. He starts emailing her weekly, and Artemis, for some reason that’s totally unrelated to being written by a man who’s likely never experienced that kind of harassment and also has no empathy for the people who do, replies to him. Well, not just replies to him; she starts going back and forth and goes all the way to meeting him in private chatrooms.

We played vintage board games, watched movies, and listened to music. We talked for hours. Long, rambling conversations about everything under the sun. Spending time with her was intoxicating. We seemed to have everything in common. We shared the same interests. We were driven by the same goal. She got all of my jokes. She made me laugh. She made me think. She changed the way I saw the world. I’d never had such a powerful, immediate connection with another human being before. Not even with Aech.

For the record, while this is still pretty shallow character and relationship development, I feel like this might be the closest we’ll get to fleshing things out in this book. This is as good as it gets. Or…as good as it’s gotten so far, I should probably say. I have my expectations for what comes next, but it’s wrong to assume, kids.

Speaking of rushed relationship development, we’re now in full skimming mode, to the point where Wade and Artemis now share their research regarding the Hunt, even though that’s basically antithetical to both their established characters. Is this what love is for straight people, becoming the opposite of who you were before? No wonder they have so many hang-ups about marriage.

Wade also tells us about how he missed his graduation and got his diploma by email, and…you gotta wonder at which point the Sixers will catch on to him still being alive, you know. I mean, the endorsement ads with Parzival, I can get that these could go on with Wade dead. But school? Did nobody even bother to identify the corpses in the stack?

If you think I’m asking this for something utterly trivial, don’t worry, we’ll get back to that too. But enough about the plot; I guess we’re giving up on it now.

When I finished school, I’d intended to devote all of my time to the Hunt. But all I really wanted to do was spend time with Art3mis.

Yeah. The girl’s what distracted you from the Hunt. Not the attempt against your life, though. That barely registered as a blip on the radar.

We also get a brief recap of Wade leveling up to 99, the maximum level in the OASIS. This includes a description of a quest where he and Artemis play as characters from the Goonies. And you might be wondering: wait, weren’t the flicksyncs supposed to be this revolutionary new feature? Well, apparently all the quests in the OASIS (or most of them, anyway) are also based on just…replaying the story of existing properties. In fact, it’s starting to look like the OASIS has two types of planets: the ones built by players, like IOI’s planets, and the ones that are built to match existing properties. Which begs the question: what was the OASIS’s launch content, when it had neither of these? Just the starting planet and Ludus?

Anyway, the book suddenly remembers about the Easter Egg, in the most random of fashions imaginable: by having Wade go on a rant about how there are no longer toys in cereal boxes.

It was a tragedy, in my opinion. Another sign that civilization was going straight down the tubes.

Yeah. Toys in cereals, the true canary in the civilization coal mine. Good job there.

But anyway. From this, Wade remembers a hacker from the ’70s (and…yeah, the 70s are fair game all of a sudden) who took on the moniker Captain Crunch, who used the toy whistle from the eponymous cereal to hack into analog phones. From this, wade decides that “the captain” and “the whistle” in the Quatrain are references to…the cereal. Not the hacker. Sure sounds to me like you’re stretching the guess a little far there, book.

I mean, even if he’d stuck to just making the connection, this is still just the character getting divine inspiration to solve the puzzle. Nothing of actual import causes this reveal. This passage is literally introduced as “Then, one morning” and him thinking of the connection. Because, you know, it’s not like giving your readers a riddle they’re able to solve along with the characters would keep them engaged or anything.

And with that random epiphany out of the way, we’re back to a whole lot of nothing, since Eureka moments are apparently the only way Wade solves any of the riddles. And by “nothing” I mean more obsessing over Artemis, and how he wants to meet her face to face, even though earlier this chapter he wouldn’t even send her a picture of himself.

I was certain she had strong feelings for me, but she also kept me at a distance. No matter how much I revealed about myself to her—and I wound up revealing just about everything, including my real name—she always adamantly refused to reveal any details about her own life. All I knew was that she was nineteen and that she lived somewhere in the Pacific Northwest. That was all she would tell me.

You know, the impression I’m getting from this is that you misread her completely and she’s not interested. I mean, she keeps rejecting your attempts at communication unless you pressure her so much that it’s easier to just talk to you, and she won’t give any personal detail. That does not strike me as someone who’s into you.

Wade also grows distant from Aech in this time, because fuck friendship now that he has a woman to stalk, I guess. I mean, of course, they barely qualified as friends in the first place, so…no big loss there.

Somehow, without my realizing it, my obsession with finding Halliday’s Easter egg was gradually being supplanted by my obsession with Art3mis.

I was informed that I used the “Big red flags” gif too soon last time, and…yeah, I’m seeing why now. This is just the worst case scenario. You’re romanticizing some really unhealthy behavior there, book.

And it keeps going. They go on dates now! In the OASIS of course. And they do so in spite of Artemis protesting that it’s not safe for Wade to make public appearances, since, again, IOI wants him dead. Plus, they’re afraid of tabloids.

But there was one exception. One night, she took me to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show in a huge stadium-sized movie theater on the planet Transsexual, where they held the most highly attended and longest-running weekly screening of the movie in the OASIS.

Oh dear. Let’s…let’s move on. I’m not touching the fact that the book dropped Rocky Horror in the same chapter as it featured an incredibly transphobic statement. Someone more qualified will have to take that one.

That night was easily the most fun I’d ever had in my life up to that point. I told Art3mis so afterward, and that was when she leaned over and kissed me for the first time. I couldn’t feel it, of course. But it still set my heart racing.

Yes, yes. I know. Obviously the book means for her to be into him and all my earlier ranting about her not being interested was wrong. Ha, ha. Except, you know, not. Of course she’ll fall for him—she’s designed to, as the love interest. The issue is with what the book chose to portray as her being interested. That is to say, her showing every sign of disinterest. Which is rape culture. No, I’m not mincing words—it is. Equating a woman’s constant rejection to her being into you is exactly what rape culture is about. If you look at what rapists say when on trial, the defense is almost always a variation on “I thought she wanted it”. So this book, providing a fantasy where she really is into it, deep down…yeah, it’s rape culture. And if that phrase sets off your triggers and you have a problem with that, big whoop, just re-read the paragraph and skip them this time. The message still stands.

Thankfully, we don’t have to deal with them being together for too long.

And then one night, like a complete idiot, I told her how I felt.

Well, mostly because the book probably couldn’t handle writing a romance where the characters actually are together for very long, what with its inability to write emotions. But sure, let’s go with “telling someone how you feel about them is an idiot move”. There’s no way that could feed into toxic masculinity or some bad relationship advice.

So, after this line, we get a chapter break, which I guess is supposed to act as a cliffhanger of sorts, since after that the book backtracks a little to set the stage. I’ll go over this quickly: remember Ogden Morrow, Halliday’s best friend? He hosts his birthday party in the OASIS every year, and it’s a big exclusive event, and of course the High Five are invited. Aech is busy, Daito and Shoto never enter a PvP area unless necessary, which leaves Artemis and Wade. Artemis wants to go, and Wade decides to as well to impress her or something.

She said she couldn’t pass up an invitation from Og himself, despite the obvious risks. So, naturally, I told her I would meet her there at the club. It was the only way I could avoid looking like a total wuss.

Wow. You big strong manly man. I’m sure she’ll swoon right into your arms and—oh wait, you ended the previous chapter by telling us you were gonna confess your feelings and it’d end badly. You kinda blew your load early there to be trying to milk some tension out of this there, buddy.

And I hear you. Back up, you say, a PvP zone? Yes! Ogden Morrow has his party in “the Distracted Globe, shortened to ”the Globe". No Shakespeare involved here, since he’s not from the 80s; instead, it’s a zero-gravity dance club. Except you can swim and dance in zero gravity, because this book for nerds didn’t think to research its physics properly. I mean, what are the odds that a bunch of nerds would criticize the science of your science fiction book, right?

And it’s also a PvP zone. I guess Ogden’s party runs on the honor system and hopes that no one is going to attack anyone here.

The book spends a massive paragraph describing Wade’s car to us. It’s a modified DeLorean crammed with references to other sci-fi movies, because apparently, the book doesn’t understand class. And yes, I’m forced to point out that Cline has a very real version of this car:

Which…okay, not the worst thing ever, I guess, but don’t you think it’s a little on the nose?

After this (and another paragraph telling us how everyone will want to steal his car, but it doesn’t matter, because he has a miniaturizing spell and keeps the car on his person, because MMORPGs letting you put your mounts in your inventory is not a concept that the author has heard of), it’s on to the party. In which Artemis and Wade name-drop a bunch of songs, and…dance. Kind of.

Her avatar lost its human form and dissolved into a pulsing amorphous blob that changed its size and color in synch with the music. I selected the mirror partner option on my dance software and began to do the same. My avatar’s limbs and torso began to flow and spin like taffy, encircling Art3mis, while strange color patterns flowed and shifted across my skin.

Is this someone’s kink? I’m extremely confused that this is the imagery you chose to go for, especially when the book tells us everyone else on the (spherical, zero-gravity) dance floor starts following suit and dancing as colored blobs.

After this, it’s time for the cliché slow dance, and Wade tells Artemis he’s in love with her.

“You aren’t in love with me, Z,” she said. “You don’t even know me.” […] “You only see what I want you to see.” She placed a hand on her chest. “This isn’t my real body, Wade. Or my real face.” “I don’t care! I’m in love with your mind—with the person you are. I couldn’t care less about the packaging.” “You’re just saying that,” she said. There was an unsteadiness in her voice. “Trust me. If I ever let you see me in person, you would be repulsed.”

Such foreshadowing. As for his statement…see my earlier rant about his transphobic statement.

Once again, Artemis keeps telling him no, Wade keeps insisting, and she decides they have to stop hanging out.

“Are you breaking up with me?” “No, Z,” she said firmly. “I am not breaking up with you. That would be impossible, because we are not together.” There was suddenly venom in her voice. “We’ve never even met!”

She’s right, of course. But before the book can linger on that detail for too long, let’s have the Sixers randomly attack the club! Which they do by sending troops inside, even though we established the game has nukes already and they could just make the whole place explode without wasting any avatars. Whatever. Fight scene time.

Then I realized that most of the Sixers’ incoming fire seemed to be directed at me and Art3mis. They were here to kill the two of us. […] I knew my own recklessness had brought them down on us. I cursed myself for being so foolish.

…Are you implying Artemis wouldn’t have been a valuable enough target? No, of course it’s all about you. Dick.

This scene, by the way, goes nowhere. It’s devoid of tension. Mostly because, before anything really major can happen, Ogden reveals that he apparently has god mode turned on, and fries all the Sixers in the club. Thus also making the attack entirely pointless. Well, unless Ogden does turn out to be the main villain and this is a showcase of the threat he is. Which I’m still somewhat convinced he might be. Or should be.

But anyway, when the dust settles, Artemis is gone, and Wade is sad, I guess. Boo hoo. Whatever shall he do, the object of his obsession is gone.

[techtrendstoday]

Is Social Media Killing The “Friendship Concept?”

When it comes to social media, there are several positive aspects. For instance, teens can keep up with friends who move away and make connections with others who have similar interests. They can even leverage social media to build a positive online reputation, one that colleges and prospective employers find impressive.

But there are some negative aspects of social media. Aside from cyberbullying, oversharing and sexting issues, social media also can put negative pressure on friendships, especially when one friend is very active about posting pictures, status updates and opinions that hurt others.

Maybe the blue light that illuminates our faces as we scroll through feeds and friends is to blame for disrupting our sleep cycle. Being unrested can explain the grogginess and irritability one has. Or it could be something else.

Maybe, as we tell ourselves that we’re online to stay connected, we’re unknowingly draining our social energy for in-person interactions. What if every like, heart, and reply we give to someone on the internet is taking away from our energy for offline friendships?

There’s a capacity for friendships, even online

While our brains can tell the difference between chatting online and in-person social interaction, it’s unlikely we’ve developed more or a separate set of energy just for social media use. There’s a limit as to how many people we’re truly in touch with and have the energy for. That even means that the late-night hours spent engaging in conversations with strangers online takes away from the energy we must care for people we know offline. “It seems we really can only handle about 150 friends, including family members,” says R.I.M. Dunbar, PhD, a professor in the Department of Experimental Psychology at the University of Oxford. He tells Healthline that this “limit is set by the size of our brains. ”According to Dunbar, this is one of the two constraints that determine how many friends we have. Dunbar and other researchers established this by conducting brain scans, finding that the number of friends we have, off and online, is related to the size of our neocortex, the part of the brain that manages relationships. Nobody is a stranger to deep diving into the Facebook rabbit hole. You know the scenario. According to data from GlobalWebIndex, people are spending an average of more than two hours a day on social media and messaging in 2017. This is half an hour more than in 2012, and likely to increase as time goes on. “The time you invest in a relationship determines the strength of the relationship,” Dunbar says. But Dunbar’s recent study suggests that even though social media allows us to “break through the glass ceiling” of maintaining offline relationships and have larger social networks, it doesn’t overcome our natural capacity for friendships. Often, within the 150 limit we have inner circles or layers that require a certain amount of regular interaction to maintain the friendship. Whether that’s grabbing coffee, or at least having some type of back-and-forth conversation. Think about your own social circle and how many of those friends you consider closer than others. Dunbar concludes that each circle requires different amounts of commitment and interaction. Dunbar says that, just like we do in the face-to-face world, we dedicate the bulk of our interaction on social media to the 15 people closest to us, with about 40 percent of our attention going to our 5 besties and 60 percent to our 15. This ties into one of the oldest arguments in favor of social media: It might not expand the number of true friendships, but these platforms can help us maintain and strengthen our important bonds. “Social media provide a very effective way of keeping old friendships going, so we shouldn’t knock it,” Dunbar says. One of the perks of social media is being able to engage in the milestones of people I don’t live near. I can be a voyeur of everything from precious moments to mundane meals, all while I go about my own daily routine. But along with the fun, my feeds are also flooded with headlines and heated commentary from my connections and strangers — it’s unavoidable.

There are consequences to your energy levels when engaging in the comments

Is engaging a response healthy for me and my friendships?

2017 has been, no doubt, one of the wildest years for online engagement, turning URL conversations into IRL (in real life) consequences. From a moral, political, or ethical debate to confessions of #metoo, we’re often angered or feel pressured to chime in. Especially as more familiar faces and voices join the opposite side. But at what cost to ourselves — and to others?

Facebook’s research team also asked a similar question: Is social media good or bad for our well-being? Their answer was that spending time was bad, but actively interacting was good. “Simply broadcasting status updates wasn’t enough; people had to interact one-on-one with others in their network,” David Ginsberg and Moira Burke, researchers at Facebook, report from their newsroom. They say that “sharing messages, posts, and comments with close friends and reminiscing about past interactions — is linked to improvements in well-being.”

But what happens when these active interactions turn rotten? Even if you don’t unfriend someone over a dispute, the interaction — at the very least — may change your impressions with and of them.

”There is some evidence that people are more willing to punish others when interacting via a computer interface than they are when they interact face to face,” Crockett tells us. Expressing moral outrage can also open up to negative responses in return, and from people who may not have much empathy for different opinions. When it comes to engaging in polarizing conversations, you may want to turn online interactions into offline ones. Crocket mentions “there is also research showing that hearing other people’s voices helps us counteract dehumanization during political debates.”

“Think before you post,” Headlee says. “Before you respond on social media, read the original post at least twice so you’re sure you understand it. Then do a little research on the subject. All of this takes time, so it slows you down, and it also keeps your thoughts in context.”

Autumn Collier, an Atlanta-based social worker who treats patients with social media addiction concerns, agrees. Political posting requires a lot of energy with little return on the investment, she points out. “It may feel empowering at the time, but then you get caught up in ‘Did they reply?’ and engage in an unhealthy back-and-forth dialogue. It would be more meaningful to put that energy into a cause or writing a letter to your local politicians.”

And sometimes, it may just be better to ignore the conversation. Knowing when to step away and go offline can be key for your mental health and maintaining future friendships.

All likes and no play can make a lonely generation

When it comes to staying in touch with friends, it’s also important to know when to engage in face-to-face interaction again. While Dunbar has praised the benefits of social media, there’s also a growing body of research about the negative effects of social media, such as increasing depression, anxiety, and feelings of loneliness. These feelings could be attributed to the number of people you follow and engage with, friends or not.

“Social media advertises itself as increasing our connections to each other, but several studies show that people who spend more time on social media are actually more lonely, not less,” says Jean Twenge, author of “iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy — and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood.” Her article for The Atlantic, “Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?” made waves earlier this year and caused many millennials and postmillennials, to do exactly what can stress people out: Express moral outrage.

FOMO can turn into a vicious cycle of comparison and inaction. Worse, it may cause you to live your “relationships” on social media. Instead of enjoying quality time with friends, significant others, or family, you’re watching stories and Snaps of others with their friends and family. Instead of engaging in the hobbies that bring you happiness, you’re watching others engage in hobbies we wish we could. This activity of “hanging out” on social media can result in neglecting friends in all circles. Remember Dunbar’s study? If we fail to interact with our favorite people regularly, “the quality of the friendships declines inexorably and precipitously,” he says. “Within a couple of months of not seeing someone, they will have slipped down into the next layer.”

Social media is a new world, and it still needs rules

The world is intense right now, even more so when you’re always online. Rather than reading one breaking headline at a time, an average feed will seek our attention with more than enough stories, anything from earthquakes to wholesome dogs to personal accounts. Many of these are also written to trigger our emotions and keep us clicking and scrolling. But there’s no need to be part of it all the time.

Being on your smartphone can drain the energy that could’ve been spent engaging in real-life interactions with your friends or family. Social media is never the prescription for staving off boredom, anxiety, or loneliness. At the end of the day, your favorite people are.

Research shows that good friendships are vital to your health. More specifically, having close friendships correlates to functioning better, especially as we get older. A recent cross-sectional study of over 270,000 adults found that strains from friendship predicted more chronic illnesses. So don’t keep your friends at arm’s length, locked in your phone and DMs.

“Friends exist to provide us with shoulders to cry on when things fall apart,” Dunbar says. “No matter how sympathetic someone may be on Facebook or even Skype, in the end it is having a real shoulder to cry on that makes the difference to our being able to cope.”

[crazy-coeurl-lady]

[ooc braindump of self-doubt and sadness under the cut]

You know those days, or stretches of days, where you just... no matter what you do, you can’t knock yourself out of your slump?   Where you know, from a practical standpoint, that the things you’re feeling are probably untrue.  All the anxious stuff - that your writing and RP sucks, that people are just tolerating you, that you’re terrible at the game and no one’s really interested in your stuff unless it benefits them somehow and blah blah blah blah - you know it’s your brain taking a dive in your chemically unbalanced pool.   Knowing that, though, doesn’t make it stop, and it still hurts and it just is the freakin worst.

This got set off by some real-life stuff on Friday.  I’m not going to post too much about the details, because none of you are here to read my personal blog, but the tl;dr is that I work in the public sector, and very suddenly a lot of projects meant to benefit the people in my community that I’ve been working on, spearheading even, are probably not going to happen. 

I work in the public sector for a reason, and it’s because I (naively, at times) believe in making a difference.  It’s frustrating and politically fraught and doesn’t pay very well, but it’s my ‘thing’ - because I work on those things during the day, I get to go home at night and binge on video games and cat cuddles.  There’s a balance between the self-sacrifice and self-indulgence and that “works” for me.

But, like many things in life, it hasn’t worked out this time, and while I still have a job, my projects just got sucked into the black hole of “bad things happened”.  It’s set off a nasty spiral of self-doubt and depression, even though there was nothing I could have done differently to change the outcome.  It pulls up all these questions about “what am I even doing with my life” and “what’s the point of all this shit anyway” and “what’s wrong with me why am I even thinking like this why can’t I be normal and shrug off things like other people”. 

Even playing games has not been a very helpful exercise in distraction, I just got out of the Aery where some unhelpful tank overpulled, then blamed me for not healing him fast enough.  Friend, we’re level 55 in this dungeon, I’ve only got three charges of Lustrate and if that’s not enough because you don’t have Grit turned on, well... I don’t need your DPS buddy telling me that I shouldn’t be using Physick to try and keep you alive, and that I’m a shit healer when I lose that battle.  The world seems kind of out to get me today - though, again, that’s just perception.  What I could blow off on another day as “people being jerks because that’s life” doesn’t seem to want to leave.

I don’t know why I’m writing this, really, other than, you know, sometimes people tell me stuff like “Oh, Dayuuqi, you’re really popular and busy and I’m shy to approach because you’re so cool and your RP is amazing”.  Which is kind of nice to hear, but it’s so, so completely off-base to how I feel a lot.  Those folks do not realize that there are ALSO many times like this, where I am pretty much the furthest thing from cool, and even have a hard time putting together the mental separation necessary to play my character. 

Self-esteem can be quite fragile; the balance we seek in life can be undone in an instant.  Sometimes self-care fails and you can’t fix it and it’s not your fault.  I spent more time hiding in bed, trying to escape my own mind than thinking about RP this weekend.  Fortunately, I have a kind IRL partner to support me, medications for my diagnosed brain dysfunctions, and some age on me to give me perspective that this, too, will pass. 

But it still sucks.

[disarmingly]

Mermaid anon again.

Awake now and curious as hell. If I‘m too much just ignore me please.

I‘ve got some questions for you about Jungkookie and your AU in general.

If you didn‘t think of any of those things before or don‘t want to answer just skip it but I thought you probably had a detailed picture of him in mind and I‘d love for you to share some of it.

Like how does his ears look like?

for this universe i had imagined them as human-ish enough that if you don’t look close enough or his hair is over them you can’t tell, but the scales that appear scattered on other parts of him are there along the shell of them!

Are his fingers webbed? 

not this time ^^;;;

Where does his fins sit?

so there’s the traditional sort of like you know split of two fins at the very triangular end of a mermaid’s tail right? but it’s more like um, feathered? like rather than perfect sort of leaf shapes they’re more literally like feathers that are his fins  which are supposed to be reminiscent of butterfly, so it seems almost like four instead of two.

Does he have gills?

no! i thought about it but for this far softer fairytale take i decided to forego it. he has gills in the other one though, of course that fic is the one where he’sm ostly human for the majority of the plot…. OTL

How long is his tail compared to his upper body?

proportionate to his legs irl then plus about a foot of fins in length added. but the tail body (before the fins) is heavy, like out of the water it’s really hard for him to move which is why he wouldn’t go up the beach when namjoon was rescued even though he wanted to ; he literally couldn’t. 

If he‘s calm and in a neutral emotional state, what colour would his tail have? Or are there always some kind of emotions that show on his scales?

his baseline is gold with an undertone of rose/pink – the pink of his highlights in the YNWA photos!

What does he eat if not fish? I guess seaweed soup is hard to make underwater XD But seaweed alone would be an option, right? Does he refuse to eat fish because fish hit too close to home or because he doesn‘t like the taste?

jungkook has this idea that eating fish or any aquatic beast is like eating his kind, and although that’s not true, he has never had anyone to tell him otherwise. so he has pretty much lived off of seaweed for most of his life. but several times namjoon has fed him bread in small pieces and taehyung once gave him a piece of coconut. seokjin is the one to give him the most non-sea food though i.e. many kinds of fruit he can get his hands on, nuts, etc. but jungkook didn’t understand at first that those things shouldn’t necessarily be wet before eating them so the first few times each food is given him it’s kind of like ‘wait!!!’ but sometimes it’s not fast enough and he lets it get wet and then is like ?_? when seokjin is like that’s…not…how it’s supposed to be eaten. OTL

Could he get sick or are his kind immune to that?

he is fairly robust health-wise. but prolonged periods of time out of sea water would kill him, which would be preceded by weakness, then illness, then immutable decline. he can be MADE sick like uh if he was poisoned for example, but if you mean like a mermaid equivalent to a common cold or something, then no not really ^^;;

Who raised him? Did he know his parents? Which one of them was the siren and who the mermaid?

his mother was the siren and his father was the mermaid but sirens can’t leave their ‘island’ of particular water and by the time jungkook had his own proper consciousness it was just his father, and in this universe mermaids are in fact very solitary creatures. they tend to send their young off around the age range of ten/eleven. even if his mother had been a mermaid too they would not have kept him around longer than that, and they themselves would have also split off at that point as mating for them is not typically about love. though with jungkook’s father and mother it was, it still didnt really matter because they couldn’t actually be together. the other sirens would have killed both jungkook and the father had he tried to stay, so.

How does the continuation of their species work when they are that solitary? Or do their instincts tell them to go to a certain place every few decades or something?

they do live for a very long time and the instinct happens literally once in a life time for the equivalent to heterosexual mermaids, if you will. but there are mermaids in this universe who do not find themselves taken by that primal urge and if a scientific study was done on them you could say some of these equate to what in our irl culture is represented by asexual. jungkook is one such creature. but he opens up to that very human affection the boys have to give to him.

How old can his kind get?

hundreds of years. the average is 3 centuries. jungkook in people years is around 50 but his ‘people’ ‘age’ might as well be what he looks like (18/19) or even younger considering all his direct exposure has been recent and from such a specific set of humans.

Do sirens/mermaids have any natural aquatic enemies at sea?

each other 8D;;;; but otherwise they don’t really. jungkook’s mother was an anomaly not unlike jungkook himself but her separation was in her desire – to be more than her calling. she sang ardently enough that she could have drowned any ship but her will wasn’t to harm; it was to Find. and she found jungkook’s father. and it’s maybe odd because neither is prone to Love but jungkook’s father had been wandering for quite some time when he heard her song, and not being the species apt to drown, felt the song as complete lure and no demise. one would think this might happen more often but mermaids don’t often end up near where the siren’s island is, so…!

You wrote that he kinda has to sing. What would happen if he would be prevented from singing in any kind or form?

he would disconnect, which isn’t a huge deal for a solitary being, but the for example, the closeness he has with the kims? would fade. everything would fade. singing is his siren half. he must. without it he isn’t wholly himself. he would be jungkook on the outside only, empty otherwise. more ghost than anything else. singing is also how he remembers things. he can turn any moment into some kind of melody – taehyung’s smile, namjoon’s sadness, seokjin’s beauty. these are notes he knows by heart. if he stops singing them, he loses them. and it’s not that he would die or even get sick, he just would eventually stop knowing them anymore,

Would he bleed for example if he accidentally cuts himself on a shell? And if yes what kind of colour would his blood have? Red like most fish, blue like some species of octopus, clear like an ocellated icefish or something entirely different?

in my head he bleeds silver but there’s no actual hard explanation for it ;3; i just was like well his tail is gold so obviously it bleeds silver. ….and thinking on it now i’m not sure why ithought this was so self-evident….but it is what i thought and so…it is in this verse at least ^^;;;; as human blood darkens to that black rust color, jungkook’s looks like a very tarnished silver when it dries, kind of charcoal ish.

Did he ever bring one of the Kims those moon flowers he loves so much?

he brought one to each of them and later to the others as well. when you become part of the kind of being jungkook is, you are part of him forever. 

Did he ever accidentally ‘bewitch’ one of them with his voice while singing to himself or something the like?

this has happened and continues to happen. he doesn’t mean to but sometimes one or more of them will dive into the water to be with him which is fine except he gets alarmed, stops singing, and then they wonder what they heck they’re doing in the water.

Does he understand the human concept of love?

not really, not LIKE a human. but namjoon once asked him how they make him feel and jungkook said ‘together’ because ‘lonely’ isn’t a word he likes mostly due to the fact that he’s got this impression he’s never supposed to be. but namjoon was like well of course we’re together and jungkook flicked water at him with his tail and was basically like frustrated because he couldn’t articulate it with expressions or words. but namjoon told him for him it feels like love so that’s jungkook’s idea of love. ‘together’.

Are Jimin and the other ‘newer’ additions to their group allowed to touch him/be as affectionate as the Kims are or is it something reserved especially for them?

they are! but each goes through a window of time where jungkook is more or less willing to let them touch not because he’s afraid but because he’s learning them still. he’s noticeably more clingy though, if you will, with namjoon. not literally but like, if they’re all in a group then he’ll gravitate to namjoon’s side of the boat or whatnot.

Could Jungkook get up on land/the boat for a little while or would he dry up immediately?

he really shouldn’t be out for long. like ten/fifteen minutes before he starts to dry out and an hour will make it really problematic. both his parents have strong biological predispositions to water so he really has no way around it.

Is he able to sleep during his swims or how does he keep up with the boat/ship? They can’t stop whenever he feels sleepy, can they?

definitely not! no they don’t stop! jungkook does not need to sleep much though. mermaids sleep but sirens don’t in this world so he’s got half of that working in his favor. when he has to sleep they have a system where one of them will take a lifeboat and linger where he anchors himself then navigate them back to reunion. this is not full-proof and a couple times in bad weather or just bad lucky it almost didn’t work out, but for the time being it’s the best they can come up with.

When and how did Yoongi met a mermaid or siren before?

when he was very little! he was once saved by a mermaid, and that fed into his desire to pursue cartography, making and reading and revising maps not necessarily to find the same mermaid but to prove to himself it really happened. plus this seemed somehow less troublesome than dealing with the demands that all the humans he knew expected of him.

You wrote that after deciding that human contact isn’t a threat to his life Jungkook had no sense of personal space whatsoever. Is his trust in the Kims so deep and ingenuous that he ignores the warnings from his childhood completely or does he get cautious sometimes in certain situations again? I can imagine that especially Hoseok’s presence could have been overwhelming for him at first, with Hoseok being the first human that got close to him after the Kims, especially because Hoseok is anything but reserved with showing emotions. Or did Jungkook trust the Kim’s judgment of human nature so wholeheartedly that he didn’t have any reservations at all to any of the ‘new additions’ to the group?

jungkook doesn’t mind in the sense that he trusts who the kims trust but each person’s way of emoting is definitely trial and error for him. exuberance can be mistaken for aggression, for example. he’s not easily afraid but he’s also got this gut-instinct in him to be ready for trouble. between that and what he was taught before letting loose into the world, there is some hesitation in situations such as the idea of a group hug (poorly executed, not the best idea, really) which to him seemed like a swarm. basic things, individual especially i.e. a hand to his face or the side of his neck, that kind of thing, is fine. he likes it in fact even if he’s not sure why. humans feel warm though and warm is like the sun and jungkook likes the sun, so that’s some of it.

Did he ever met a human up close before or was the ship incident the closes he got before meeting the Kims?

no! but he watched much closer than is typical for most of his life.

It looks as if Jungkook enjoys physical affection a lot. Are there any parts of him that he doesn’t like to be touched? Like is he ticklish or oversensitive somewhere? I imagine especially his fins must be tender. Or do they only look fragile and are sturdy enough in their inner structure to be enjoyably caressed?

he’s very sturdy! very strong! but he has sensitive areas. like, as much of a given as his tail is, it’s one of those areas in terms of say someone petting him. it isn’t a bad feeling but it makes jungkook feel overwhelmed. he’s extremely sensitive on his throat which equates to his main weak point. taehyung gave him his kiss there and jungkook got so disoriented that the kims were worried until he came back to himself. his fins look very delicate but are very strong, but also very sensitive – ticklish yes but depending on how one touches it can still be nice. he likes most of all the sense of adoration that comes through their contact, so a lot of that overrides any sensitivity because given the choice between having them show physical affection and not, he would always rather they do: ruffling his hair, rubbing the back of his neck, squeezing his shoulder, etc. he values these ‘shows’ of affection, and doesn’t mind the rest otherwise.  he knows they would never hurt him.

Well I hope I didn’t overwhelm you that much!

Please take your time (if you want to answer them at all. I won’t be mad or anything if you don’t have the time or simply don’t want to. Promise :)

Lots of love,

Mermaid anon

i’m so sorry that took so long mermaid anon ;_; it’s rly rough here but ah ihope some of that made sense. <3s

[paleseacreatures]

It is so dark in here

thank you for your kind words everyone ... i appreciate your concern and want to let you know that i am safe ... for now. It's only a matter of time until my former boss figures out how to delete posts (even tho she has no clue wtf she is doing) so this might be gone in the morning. Fortunately modern ocean research stations have a lot of good places to hide. I spent last night in an empty spill-off shaftway that is shut off during the winter. It was mostly dry and warm from the steam vents plus was in range of base wifi so I can't really complain. I probably shouldn't say exactly where I am hiding out now in case they actually check this tumblr. I am good on supplies, I stocked up on emergency food rations (eating a tuna MRE rn ironically enough), a macbook from the computer lab, and external batteries they use to power dive equipment. It's really dark in here. It's so crazy that beyond this metal wall I'm leaning against is nothing but cold dark ocean. The noises in this part of the station are insane, groaning metal and steam and echoes, plus this deep rumbling sound from outside i can't decipher. I'm trying not to think about it too much. The next supply ship docks in about three days from now, I've been tracking its gps (I still have remote access to almost every system on the network). I have a friend inside the dolphin research division who I can trust and he said he has a plan to get me on that boat. Hope I can come home to cape cod soon... would love to meet you guys irl who have been cheering me on... it really means a lot to me. I probably won't be able to post a lot in the next few days, but have a few ideas of how to get back at them till then ... I will remain strong - Your "fun mod"

[susantregre]

What To Do With Older Kids During Holiday Break

What to do with older kids during holiday break?  It is a question that many families are asking today…or will be asking in the next few weeks!

Here is some practical advice for what to do with older kids during holiday break from a mom of three older kids who has struggled with the concept of quality time spent with teens!

I am now the mom of 3 teenage boys.

It happened suddenly last week when my youngest turned 13.

This last year, I started working on a project that put into words, steps and systemized some of the things I have learned {the hard way} of being a mom.  Watch for that series to get started here on Kids Activities starting January 1…

And one of the things that kept coming up was quality time with teens.

In fact, one of the moms that went through the program actually wrote me and said, “I just don’t know WHAT to do with them!”

Hey, I get it.  In fact, I get it more than you can imagine!  I have spent the last decade devoted to kids activities and crafts…the type of thing you see here on the site.

Give me a 2 year old and I have 100s of ideas of ways to play!

Need ideas to keep that science-loving 5 year old busy for a few hours?

If you have run out of homemade slime recipes...I literally wrote a book for you (affiliate).

But…when it comes to a 13 y/o that rolls his eyes when a craft is suggested or a 17 y/o who seems too busy to spend time with the family, things get a little more challenging.

Activities for Older Kids Inspired by Vacationing with Teens

One of my solutions to this challenge of finding quality time activities for older kids is to draw on any experience you might have from the family vacation. I found over the years, that when the family was AWAY from home, together, with bad internet connection, it was easier.

In fact, as my boys got older, traveling got so much easier!

They started wanting to do the things I liked to do.

No more 13 hour Candyland marathons {shoot me now}!

They could participate in things that I loved to do:

rock climbing

skiing

biking

hiking

exploring more than a 100 yard trail

scuba diving

swimming

card games like poker and Rook

board games like Settlers of Catan

trying new food at a restaurant (and behaving during the WHOLE meal)

going to a movie I actually might choose

concerts

plays

escape rooms

painting classes

cooking lessons

kitchen tours or any type of tour

and so many other things that younger kids are just too young for participation…

Have you played tourist with your kids in your own town?

We live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area which has a million things to do with kids and we haven’t taken advantage of it!  All the things I have mentioned are things we have done while away.  This break, I am challenging myself to find some of those special places to take the teens that we would be delighted to visit if we found them while vacationing elsewhere!

Older Kids Still Yearn to Play

No matter how much eye-rolling and choruses of “oh mom!” I might hear from my teenagers, I try to stay confident that under all that teen angst lies the heart of a child.

Push through the resistance. <–I promise you it will be worth it.

At first, you might need to be a little sneaky.  But I truly believe that your child was given to YOU for a reason because if anyone can outsmart him, it is you.

To prove my point, I thought back to the last time one of my boys was laughing out of control.  You know the type of laugh that shakes their entire body and is completely uncontrollable.  What prompted that laugh?  It is usually rooted in simple play.  Like when the dog {our dear Panda} was intentionally “stuck” under the bed and playfully attacking anyone trying to rescue her.  Or trash-talking after a board game win.  Or when a side of the gingerbread house he had constructed just wouldn’t stay and a pile of gingerbread rubble erupted.  Or when we got lost on a trailride and ended up going in circles despite my absolute confidence we were going in the right direction.  Or when they were trying to explain Fortnite to grandma.

We all need play in our lives.

As kids our world is shaped by play.

As teenagers, play helps make sense of the world and put it in perspective.

As adults, it helps decrease stress and connect us with others.

When you are using the excuse that your teen is too grumpy or disconnected to play, you are depriving them of the very thing that could get them out of their funk.

So it is OK to push a little.  Set some expectations.  Gently demand some participation.

Ideas for Activities for Teens at Home

Traditional play activities should not be overlooked even though kids are older.  There is a sensory experience that happens when you get your hands dirty, jump around or dive into a pool that helps increase endorphins and a sense of well-being.

Think of an older version of any activity that your kid loved when they were younger.

If they loved playing with playdough, then consider suggesting baking bread together or making a batch of sugar cookies that would require rolling out of dough and decorating.

If they loved playing with LEGO bricks, then think of a building/strategy activity like one of the advanced LEGO model sets, putting a puzzle together, or playing a strategy game like Chess.  Make a gingerbread house or city!

If they loved going to the park, then find something physical you can do together outside.  Biking, hiking, snowman-making, simply taking a walk with the dog, going to the community indoor pool, finding a good trampoline park if you don’t have one in the backyard, or creating a obstacle course inside/outside and timing each other’s journey through it.

If they loved kids crafts, this one is simple.  There are so many more options for adult crafts that can work amazingly.  Knitting, crocheting, needle-point, wood-working, wreath-making, sewing, create homemade ornaments for your Christmas tree, make gifts to give this season, a trip together to a local craft supply store can open the doors to so many adventures together…

If they loved making art, again, this one is simple.  Being an artist is a life-long journey.  Experiencing different mediums, trying new techniques and honing skills is something that takes a lifetime to master and there is no reason they shouldn’t keep having that fun as a teen.  If they have always loved to draw, but never tried sculpting, that is something that you could try.  Or if they love painting, but have never tried it on ceramics, that would be an easy activity that would require very little convincing!

If they love playing video games, then put that affinity for strategy and competition to work at your kitchen table in the form of card and board games.  It is the same thing.  Don’t be intimidated by the simplicity of the game when the majority of the activity is strategy!  There is a reason that poker rooms in Las Vegas are filled with 20-30 year olds who were gamers.  They desire community and competition which both video games and card/board games can provide IRL.

How to Get Started Planning Activities for Older Kids

Create a plan of action – get out the calendar and figure out what days are best to do things outside the house and which days are best to stay at home.  For us, we are very adverse to crowds!  So, finding when less people will be visiting our desired destination would be the first thought.

One thing a day – don’t overwhelm yourself with planning or your teen with forced family time!  Start slow.  Adding just one thing each day that you will do together is plenty and can make sure they do have the required 13 hours of texting time they need.

Get teens involved in planning – remember when they were little and you gave them directed choices?  You know…do you want this apple or this carrot stick?  That is the same concept here.  You already have an outline of what the next few days will look like and this can help guide things in a direction that they are excited about (OK, tolerant of).  Let’s say that Monday you are planning something outside of the house.  You could offer three choices:  the paining class, the escape room or the science museum trip?

Take them shopping for supplies – I don’t care what age kids are, this is a good strategy.  The problem with our adult brains is that we OVER-strategize crafts and art projects with the end result in mind.  Kids and teens aren’t like that and we should encourage it.  They would do it so differently than we directed if they had the chance.  Give them that option.  Going to the craft store with an open mind and a suggested project (and budget) with their input will have you bringing home a completely different set of supplies for a completely different project that they are way more excited about.

Share the schedule from day one – don’t spring “forced” family time on them.  It will make them feel held hostage and give them a bad case of FOMO with their friends and online activities.  Setting start and end times gives them a sense of control over their schedule and is respectful of the fact that they do have things they want to do.  If there is a conflict of time, think about being flexible about changing.

Don’t give up after the first day – stick to your plan through the entire holiday.  It is ok to make changes, be flexible and adjust expectations!  Teens are a lot like two year olds…they really do thrive on schedules and family contact, but they have a really hard time seeing it or expressing it.  When you are in a routine that they start to understand, they can relax and begin to adapt to it.  If something goes poorly, stopping it short of the expected time and giving a teen a hug and “releasing” them is fine, but start over the next day.

Set realistic expectations – I know you see other family’s post on FB about how they spent the entire day in a beautiful episode of dancing through daisies followed by organic, vegan picnics and dreamcatcher creations.  There is no family on earth that actually spent their day in that manner (especially if there is gorgeous photos or videos involved).  Behind the camera were tears, a lot of messed up white clothing and 1/2 eaten sprout-infested sandwiches.  You know your family.  You know your kids.  Expect that not everything will go as planned.  Embrace that this is more about spending time WITH them and not getting whatever planned activity completed.

Above all, have fun.  You need the break too.  You need the play.  You need the connection with your kids.  And that only happens if you aren’t playing drill sergeant,  fun police or party hostess.  Be a participant in the activity!  Laugh alongside your kids.  Make mistakes.  Make it so it is easy for them to laugh at you.

Having More Fun as a Family

Life gets busy.  And if you have involved teens, that means it is a revolving door of sports, enrichment activities and time with friends.  A teen’s home base is still HOME.  They still get their confidence, resilience and perspective from their family experience.

If that family experience is only filled with coming/going, directions, corrections and schedules, they are going to miss out on gaining the coping skills it really takes to be an adult in the real world.

If that family experience is sprinkled with inside jokes, playful teasing and quality time together, they are going to gain a perspective that allows them not to take things so seriously.

The truth is, this is just something we need to do.  It won’t look perfect.  It won’t go as planned.  But the investment we make into our kids is the most important thing in life right now…and they need to have a little more fun!

What is your favorite thing to do with older kids?  Please tell me in the comments!

The post What To Do With Older Kids During Holiday Break appeared first on Kids Activities Blog.

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