#that’s DOUBLE WHAT ITS MEANT TO BE
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London is trying to kill me fr. Chewing me up won’t be long before it spits me out
#3 hours. it took me 3 hours to get home from work#I could get to Leeds quicker than that#everyone complains abt public transport outside of London and says we have the best but#I waited 20 mins for my train. which then at the last second was like oh actually we’ve changed destination so I had to get off#no trains were running that way for an hour#so I go to get the bus it says 13 mins. annoying but okay#30 mins later it arrives and is packed to the brim and I can’t get on#wait lucky me !!! there’s another bus which has a couple of seats free#so I get on that and GUESS FUCKING WHAT#it changes its destination#so I walk the remainder 30 mins in the wind and rain cos there’s no other bus I can get from there also my phone died and hour ago#and then I’m asked why I’m always late#it’s because this KEEPS happening to me#my door-to-door commute is meant to be 50 minutes.#and it takes me nearly 2 hours each way every day#that’s DOUBLE WHAT ITS MEANT TO BE#I’m actually cursed fr#also a lot else is going wrong for me in London#I’m not meant to be here
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Imagine if you were a gay or bi man who tried a certain firefighter show because of all the attention it was getting for one of its mains having a later in life bi awakening.....and between seasons you ventured into its fandom in search of material to tide you over til the next one. And you're greeted by a deluge of posts and fics that are just cheerfully homophobic towards one half of the newly out bi character's canon relationship on the basis of 'well he's not the RIGHT gay guy' and pushing the idea that actually its fine to cheat on him because Reasons and he's sexually predacious based on......behind the scenes implications people have divined like they're reading fucking tea leaves.
But don't get it twisted....this fandom, like all fandoms, really cares about representation!
Sorry not sorry, but we really need to kill this idea that fandoms are welcoming and inviting and inherently progressive when they're frequently insular and reductive as fuck. Every single fandom I've been in has had major trends of people doubling down on their own headcanons and fanon interpretations of the characters and willfully enacting trends aimed at running off people who like the 'wrong' characters (usually characters marginalized along one or multiple axes), like the characters in the 'wrong ways' or other bullshit.
Scott is a Bad Friend fics overtaking Teen Wolf fandom was not incidental, it was a FEATURE of the fandom, because the vast majority of that fandom did not want to share its space with anyone who had the nerve to like its main character. Survivors complaining about or criticizing the prevalance of rape fics in a certain fandom has in my experience always led to a reactionary UPTICK in those fics, with gems like 'this character can, will, must be raped' in the tags making it crystal clear that some of these fics exist because how fucking DARE anyone try and push forth a narrative not agreed upon by Fandom Main.
I could cite examples for so many other fandoms, with the commonalities always being that vast majorities in these fandoms are explicitly reacting defensively to being asked to be more mindful of fandom trends revolving around or exacerbating racism, homophobia, transphobia, rape or abuse apologia, ableism, etc....
With the most prolific fucking rallying cry across countless fandoms being "No the fuck we will NOT be doing that," because lolololol.....
Fandom is an inherently progressive space, didn't you hear?
#anyway this has been on my mind in general for a few weeks now#and its more about fandoms just being fandoms#and like....what if they werent though#these patterns migrate from one to another as fans migrate from fandom to fandom bringing their bullshit with them#like do people never get tired of just trying to call DIBS and claim fandoms for themselves while shutting out anyone else#who might have a lot to fucking offer if you werent being so gd intent on staking a claim instead of sharing perspectives#and exploring new possibilities?#and I know not everyone links certain problems with racist homophobic and other behaviors to my own issues with dark fic and rape and#abuse apologia but I do inherently see it as sharing large portions of venn diagrams even though I do not consider being a survivor to be#something that demarcates privilege in the way that axes of identity do#as its situationally based rather than inherently identity based#but the way it can affect and shape large parts of peoples' identities begets commonalities#but my point is just.....a big part of why I so often lump it in is specifically because of how people react to these things or#defend against criticism across the board#like most people know my stance on censorship and how my blood boils when its people who are throwing accusations of#censorship at those raising criticisms....#but the point is just.....think about what censorship actually IS in all practical senses of the word#its about shutting down conversations. limiting the flow of information the sharing of perspectives and experiences#THATS WHAT MAKES IT BAD#now......what about criticism inherently lends itself to any of those things if you DONT accept as a foregone conclusion that criticism#is only ever offered up in bad faith and meant as a silencing tactic#instead of just a request or offered avenue of ways for things to be done better rather than not at all?#who is ACTUALLY out here trying to shut down convos and limit possibilities?#is it really the people being critical of fandom behaviors and trends?#or the ones doubling down at the first hint of any criticism and aggressively ramping up how frequently and visibly they engage in#the criticized behaviors in efforts to drive people away or as a silencing tactic of their own?#just saying
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The Premise of this Threadfic: Homelander suckles on Billy Butcher’s d!ck until the stress and white noise in his evil blond head is gone. That’s it. That’s the plot.
CW: ⚠️🔞, some surface level Homelander whump because I think he deserves a lil pampering after the new episode. Vaguely inspired by The Boys 04x04 and Butcher’s gorgeous manly tatas
(You can read the rest of it here!)
If you don’t have a Twitter account, screenshots are provided below the line break so you can read this update on Tumblr as well:
A/N - I can't believe this threadfic has its own behind-the-scenes backstory, but the first 25 tweets of how this threadfic initially started had been very different from what you see in this version. It was full of poignant lore and future S4 speculation, a dive into HL's psyche regarding his traumatic upbringing, and commentary about Compound V causing madness and tragedy to tie into what'll happen to Hugh Sr, ect.… It’d been saved in my Drafts; I’d been ready to click “Post All” after I found the perfect GIFs for the starter tweet. But then I'd accidentally pressed "DELETE" instead of "Save”—and all that work, vanished. Banished to the ether. RIP to what could've been. 🥲 I wasn't about to retype all that in my second attempt so I ended up simplifying it. And that's how we arrived here. :) Hope y'all enjoyed regardless! <3
#butchlander#the boys#the boys tv#homelander#billy butcher#billy butcher x homelander#threadfic#I say spoilers but only a couple are (I kept them very subtle so you don’t know what they are if you haven’t seen the VoughtHQ leaks)#truly one of my rare ‘no plot just sm_u_t’ threadfics#slighty hurt/comfort but not rly; the main point of this 🧵fic is bc I just wanted to get the brainworm outta my head#I thought about a Part III to this but…nah it is what it is in the tincan short & sweet#I could’ve written about Billy’s sentinent symbiote Venom-adjacent brain tumor being given its own body (a double Billy!) & they tagteam HL#I had the perfect lead-up originally in my initial draft (we’d brought in antipsychotics for Billy to treat his hallucinations)#but it wasn’t meant to be 💀#sometimes a slowburn longfic writer just wanna write straightforward 🔞 spice#the boys season 4#the boys season 4 spoilers#the boys amazon
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But also like…
He didn't even get a proper goodbye race?? They scrapped him in the middle of a double header instead of announcing it and letting him race his last race as a goodbye…
#i wish i had known it would be his last#because i#for one#didnt think he was getting cut#thought hed last the rest of the season#though thats what carlos’s contract being for next season meant#wouldve loved to have known#wouldve loved to have seen him and actually savor his last race#like its a double header#couldnt have been that hard to let him race this last one#francos not going anywhere trust me#hell still be here next weekend#idk man#couldve also used it as an opportunity to get franco another practice session as well#idk#food for thought#logan sargeant#formula one
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blocking people is so freeing and fun it's a shame I don't do it on main
#well i do occasionallyyyy but on any other account i block like i get paid for it#at any time for any reason. bad take. fandom i dont like. discourse i dont care to get into. first 3 words looked like theyd annoy me#said something i agreed with but had a tone about it. insulted a movie i havent seen in a decade. didnt like their icon. any reason#i think i got a mutual on twt the other day did a double take but like if they were meant to be blocked then well is what it is#i feel weird about it if i do it on mains like i have to be a certain way its a weird pressure idk#kae.txt
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I keep drinking coffee thinking it's gonna make me Productive and then instead of doing the work I actually have to do I just compulsively make spreadsheets :(
#my homework is. not done#but!!! i just realized if i take 2 spanish classes i can have a russian/spanish major instead of just russian#(it's complicated but this would leave me with: double major languages and history with a joint major in asian middle east studies)#(plus a minor in religious studies and concentration in islamicate studies)#first i gotta: relearn spanish for like the third time#but it's ok i'm hopping thru spain in less than a month so i should proooobably do that anyway#man when i was touring colleges my mom was like really dismissive about the idea of double majoring and now i'm here like#How Many Things Can I Stack Up To Get Big Number On Transcript#aaaaaaaand because of ames requirements i did the dumb thing and ended up learning persian while my spanish is still kinda iffy#итак совершилося то что я пытался предотвратить as they say#so i'm just gonna have to study two languages at once next semester... or just keep going thru the cycle of relearning them abt every year#my russian is a big girl it can survive on its own but i now gotta feed the babiessssss#tho ig what this kinda cyclically learning and forgetting spanish has taught me is like#languages are less like babies and more like those lil desert plants that wither up when they don't have any water#they might look dead but they're nearly impossible to kill completely#and will bounce right back after a lil care n patience. i just gotta like.... water em#the one thing standing in my way is ideological opposition to my spanish textbook#i have to pay $200 for access to a *website*#*i don't even get a book just a shitass ebook*#but it's ok one of the spanish profs likes me i think? i think she would let me skip the intro lit class#only problem is it was Genuinely Hard for me to follow along when i audited advanced lit... 90% of the class was heritage speakers#tho ig like. having taken a class meant for native russian speakers should help w learning to survive that kinda thing#genuinely i think i can do it#just gotta make that my goal. study. do it for zapata#and if i wanna go into translating... having good spanish should help right? like if i finally get b2 spanish?#yeah. if i could do kazakh history for native russian speakers i can do spanish lit for heritage spanish speakers. it's equivalent enough#but ok i'm gonna visit my buddy in spain who did nearly the exact same shitass majors combination as me#tho i think he did spanish/arabic for his language major and just Happens To Also Be Fluent In Russian cuz he's Like That#it's ok he's two years older than me i have two years to become that cool#he can tell me what to do
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"He should be at the-"
#I think this may be a hot take but I believe Goemon's meant to be around 18 or so in Part 1#seeing his more emotional thought patterns and black and white moralistic thinking (unrelated to autism)#sorry i meant to write “in a way differing from typical autism and instead is an extension of his personality”#as well as his somewhat lack of wisdom on people and society and human nature as a whole#also he was 17 in the manga + other works so its not entirely out of the picture#and I therefore think his character and actions in Part 1 can be interpreted dramatically differently keeping this in mind#i think he compensates for the immaturity of his masters by doubling down on what he believes to be mature behavior#(once again unrelated to autism/autistic maturity; he lies about and downplays his true interests and lectures others on being mature)#sort of like a trauma response to the abuse he's had to endure#and he doesn't have the foresight to realize that “letting loose” won't make him like his masters#he's not grown but he's had adulthood thrust upon him and his childhood taken from him so he's just trying to survive by being an adult#he's not deliberately trying to be a jerk he's just afraid of the alternative#thank you for reading#lupin iii#lupin the third#lupin the 3rd#goemon ishikawa xiii#goemon
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Why are vetted accounts sending people stuff like this.
I mean it's clearly copy-pasted and sent to multiple people but this isn't even a donations ask. Imma guess the reason people aren't responding is because you're accusing them of not doing enough for Palestine and sending it to multiple people who you clearly don't check because I've been posting about and for Palestine since oct 7th when I learned about it.
Also yes he is looking for donations, you can check his account and find it. Why are you sending this guilt trippy stuff to people and accusing them of not caring enough? You don't know me? You send these to multiple people so your clearly not checking the account in question. This dose nothing to help you personally or the Palestinian cause, it just pisses people off and makes them question vetters.
#levi speaks#the second i put the daily click for palestine on multiple of my other popular non politcal blogs#i got a bunch of non vetted spam donations asks to the point i had to turn off my inbox#like why are they being sent to my completely empty blog without even a post on it nor a mention of Palestine#like a blog with litterally nothing on it but its pfp header and a tiny bit of type#im not saying they shouldn't reach out to as many people as possible but clearly spam accounts with stolen pictures have started#claiming they are vetted like ones with ai generated supposed irl photographs with so many fuck ups and water marks its not gunny#before you say im trying to claim hes a spam bot im not but seriously#ive gotten child gore like actual guts out child gore sent to my inbox by vetted accounts#like no i cant post your donations ask because it could get my whole account taken down you put gore in it#im native i get the plight but you cant be doing this#dont go harass this guy idk what his deal is and i dont care ive already blocked him#but seriously dont send gore dont send guilt triply stuff dont do any of it its why ive offically decided that no one is exempt anymore#from my no donations posts rule how can i trust vetters when copypaste stuff like this and gore get tossed around#i had one rule#in your ask state who vetter you so i could double check#ive deleted probably over a hundred copypaste donations requests because they couldnt state who vetted them#usually cause no one had even when they got suggested vetters to help#again i wanna be clear idk whose real or not and im not following that stupid conspiracy theory that they are all bots#or its a scam ring i dont believe that#i however absolutely believe that theres a bigger bot problem than people want to admit to#cause unless some of these victims are just copy pasting into thousands of inboxes all day every day#then its probably a bot and not one by a victim because bot campaigns cost astronomical amounts of money#like enough money to help them cross the border 6 times over#and if we follow Occam's razor well they arnt goong to waste thousands of dollars trying to buy bots to get more#they are just gonna feed themselves and escape#or give it to other loved ones who need to feed themselves and escape#or medical expenses but you get the jist they arent buying bots so if it read like a bot its probably not an actual victim#im sadly getting to the point where i only trust organizations#meant to help there
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If u didnt love them at their worst u dont deserve them at their best
#clarification bc i just know what comments this post will get:#chose s1 edizzy as their worst not bc its canonically their worst#but bc it symbolizes to me the era when ppl most misunderstood them#& their relationship#their worst in canon would probs be the double suicide#also: thisbis targetted at izzy antis or ppl w just the most rancid takes on them#izzy neutrals or even dislikers who minded their business r not included#love y'all#edizzy#blackhands#ofmd s2 spoilers#also this post is meant to be in fun#but i just know it will be misinterpreted so im getting ahead of em
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hiii I'm wondering, what issues do you have with Countdown, if you don't mind me asking?
Ooh i dont mind at all! I love talking! And potentially hearing more perspectives
Pleasee note that ive been reading all the Jason comics in order of release (started at flying todds jaybin currently at rhato), I've only read countdown once, my memory issues are a bitch, and everything is subject to change for forever 👍
I'm like, basing this whole ramble off my memory of events, and no rereading means no potential updating of feelings on it
To start on positives, I love many concepts and characters it brings to the table and all the different earths traveling they do, I think Donna, Jason, and Kyle are a fun trio as well, and their adventures are delightful. The different earths are all very interesting and i dearly wish we got to have more focus on them. I may not like it being so long but ehhh I've considered rereading it on occasion. The issues counting down are also a fun gimmick as well.
One of my problems is the like. Main story. It feels pretty messy just to like, read though. The extra issues onto the main 52 don't help. Not being familiar with that many dc characters in general doesn't help (was more of a marvel kid). Don't really remember how many character stories we were following in there anymore, it just felt like alot and I genuinely can't remember where half of them led
I ALSO. Skimmed it a bit. Especially later. That's on me. But to be fair to me it's 50 issues and I just don't think I'm big on long comic stories like that. in general. So it was always doomed to fail in the test of my personal opinion
(My favorite crossover comic so far has been legends, just to hammer that above point in)
I dont like the ending where they all hang out in a bunker on the good earth and the virus they have is spreading to just. kill that entire world. And they just go home after that. That's like, that felt weird. I'm just not big on heros accidentally slowly killing an entire universe. That just like. Hhhhng. Um. You know when the stakes get so big and bad they just kinda suck? If that's what I mean??
While I do like looking into Superboy Prime and Jason's resurrection. Don't like his dialogue here. Don't know if that's normal for him or not though
I felt a teensy bit validated when I looked it up after reading and saw many others not liking it I fear
But ignoring at all that. (Because while important to acknowledge when talking about my problems with it, most of what I just had to say is unfair to it)
My knowledge is on Jason. Let's focus on Jason
Jason just kinda. Sucks? He sucks in this. Do not get me wrong Jason is absolutely allowed to be an asshole, I won't ignore those edges. But he was more like,,, a generic asshole? He didn't feel like Jason to me, just more like, a template character or something. There are fun interactions and moments he has but just. Bwah. And it feels like a very strange turn too because for the first few issues I was actually really enjoying the Jason here. I'm not sure what happened
(Fun fact this is the first comic I felt showed Jason as angry. Actual "wow that guy is angry". the angry i was expecting when i started reading him. It was when Dick and Tim interrogated him, I actually think about this moment alot in some of my vague rambling thoughts on Jason, his anger, and how the controlled narrative after his death effects how people expect him to react and thus treat him. Its neat. I thought his interaction with Jimmy was fun and it's a neat contrast bc Jimmy and Dick n Tim were asking the same questions. I enjoyed the early issues of countdown alot, which I think made it have a harder fall for me)
But back to the bad. He's also. Consistently looking down on female heros? Excluding Donna but like. I can't remember it all exactly. but I do remember, that I felt very very very nervous when they said they were going to the genderswap dimension next (he didn't say anything here tho, actually)
Jason also just sorta,, very consistently gets beat up and knocked down? Felt very 'wow look at this guy he sucks don't you think he sucks. Do you want to see him get beat up constantly and not win any fight.' And there's no payoff to this at all. Nothing changes, nothing gets better, he immediately throws the red robin costume in the trash and we never talk about any of this ever again. He's just sorta an asshole punching bag the whole time and it's not something I enjoy. He gets into fights and gets put down and no one likes him. He doesn't even get to have fun while he's here, iirc he's basically just miserable and trying to get this over with the whole time. Kinda distantly wanted him to not leave the victorian era gotham, just a little bit, just a tad, to be real
And there's just a bit of whiplash to his whole character. We go from silly and carefully planning and competent to. Gestures vaguely. There is NO DOUBT very fun analysis about Jason you could do with this and the whiplash. But its not something I personally want to do with countdown
#it had lots and lots of potential and that makes me harsher on it#and i fully absolutely 100% admit that my ideal “countdown” comic would literally just be#jason kyle and donna going on adventures in alternate universes. more time spent per universe and just a more satisfying end#which is Not what its meant to be#i think its all just not my cup of tea really#i will say though i have a fondness for jaykyle. dont talk abt it because i dont know that much about kyle. but i think theyre very neat#ive considered reading lantern stories because i want to know more about that n the rings. generally consider kyle#but thats like. far away. far far away. its on my list but imagine my list is a piece of paper dissolving at the bottom of a well#i also liked bob. the betrayal was a great devastation because i wantednthem to be friends#tired of double checking this now. be free my incoherency#i hope thisdoesn't spund too mean#i genuinely have been considering rereading some of it eventually. certainly after the more comics with jason i read#ask
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hes cape verdean now
#theres only 2 creole words here but i still feel like im doing it wrong#it took me a very long time to double check what the indefinite article is meant to be since its different in portuguese i think#girl whatever im just trying to live#this was inspired by him talking about the history of his family and the allagan miqote slaves btw it has a surface similarity to cv histor#if anyone was curious#g'raha tia#ffxiv#ff14#final fantasy xiv#final fantasy 14#bunny's art
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didnt wanna put this in the prev tags of the last posts but like. the whole egg subconscious desire to transition getting translated into fiction is sooooo funny. when i did homestuck rp at age 15 i was obsessed with this dystopian au based off i think some music video where society kept the gender roles of the 1950s and to rebel our characters would like sneak make up into the boys' dormitory or teaching girls how to box in underground rings even with the pearls still around their necks and the entire time i was like aha imagine having to live in a world where you're trapped by the gender roles you were born into! thank god I don't live like that <- about to learn some things about himself in 2-3 years
#ftm#sam's thinkin again#i also think its worth mentioning that due to my then fucked up relationship with masculinity i was actually highly attracted to the#transfemme#experience#so whenever i played trans characters it was usually a transfemme dave bc to me at that age a male transitioning to female was more#transgressive#than the other way around#bc my folks raised me very much in a 'girls can do literally anything a boy can forever' mindset so presenting masc never felt transgressiv#and presenting feminine as a cisgender girl was just what was expected of me#anyway now ive completed my mobius double reacharound of gender and now can finally be the feminine lil princess boy i was meant to be
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It you liked my Napoleonic au, here is some Fernando from it :)
Under the cut: process
him face:
(I absolutely had to draw his Theee Musketeers look, that's honestly why I did a Ferrari alt)
I mentioned earlier how every time I opened the drawing, I'd just completely change it. Here's what I meant:
The Renault suit really lends itself to the Hussar uniform! Also the Ferrari one is kinda stunted a bit comparatively bcs I accidently drew over the Renault one so I had to recover the backlog and was afraid to touch it any further LOL
#do you ever think about how Fernando's F1 career has lasted longer than the entirety of the Napoleonic era?#because now I do.#I was thinking about how team changes would work/fit in and then realized Nando's career is longer than that whole era 💀#ah unfortunately no history ramble this time(the hussar stuff was my thesis LMAO)#but yeah i have been thinking about how his career would align with the different kingdoms#ex. 2007 mclaren would just be him being a double agent since the uk and france are enemies atp#every time i draw Napoleonic stuff i always listen to: 1812 Overture and Viva La Vida. every time. without fail.#lmao on the third/final revision you can see how much taking a ref pic of myself for the pose helped me#its generally very difficult for me to use random pics as reference#ig irs bcs its not *exactly* what i want so i prefer to make my own :)#this is kinda based off how i kept randomly standing bcs my back hurt but instead here it is slay#im especially glad tho that i went back to redo his face/hair bcs the earlier draft isnt even really in my art style so#f1#formula 1#formula one#fernando alonso#fa14#catie.art.#f1 fanart#formula 1 fanart#f1 art#formula 1 art#i accidentally posted this even tho i meant to queue it so i had to redo all of this UGH#hussar au
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I think what I dislike most about a lot of jason recovery fics/meta, especially where there’s a reform of his vigilante life, is that it frames jason as being the only victim of a vigilante life. like “jason theres smth deeply unhealthy with your mental state and you need to make changes, the rest of us however are handling a vigilante lifestyle completely fine and none of it ever stemmed from traumatic events either. we are doing a great job at this.”
its the inability to take what jason represents as a character and leave it at that, but being fine with bruce continuing to be batman as if he isn’t also stuck in a defining traumatic moment of his life. just because jason chooses a lethal method does NOT mean that what he’s doing is any more unhealthy to him as a person than the rest of the batfam.
#jason todd#dcu#batfam#bruce wayne#I’m not touching on the no kill vs kill rule with this#thats not what this post is meant to be about#and dont get me wrong I love recovery stories where jason is able to be in a place in life where he can just LIVE#but sadly thats not the case with most of them and imo its because he chooses a lethal method#jason has been through deeply traumatic events but taking away his autonomy with how he deals with them as if every other batfam character#isnt doing the same is just insulting !! its insulting to jason and its insulting to survivors#im also of the opinion that a jason with non lethal methods wouldn’t be able to comfortably live with himself bc all he can think about is#the blood on his hands from future victims#but thats a whole other thing that I can be swayed on#I just think the double standards when it comes to jason is annoying thats all
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Featured - me, fully certain I will make this craft in This Exact Sequence, with These Exact Pieces, and Do Not Need to label or set things in particular order or prepare or anything:
Me, a fool:
#So anyway the lid piece is looking independently beautiful but the Problem with that is that there was Meant to be another ugly conjoining#piece under its skin Before I made it beautiful on all outsides#So it's a lovely singular puzzle piece with all the corners shorn off from the still-needing-to-be-assembled puzzle#This is not the end of the world I can simply add the less aesthetic piece to the exterior of its pretty skin but it will be Less Pretty#It is Not my favourite But!! This is my first attempt at This Kind of craft and I allowed myself to not know what I was doing#So even tho I was Totally Convinced that I would do it Even Better than the instructions I was using#Such is the hubris of man#Genuinely tho I think it's turning out nice for basically being like 75% scrap :)#Finally got to use those failed Vargas covers cough remind me to measure at some point#That said I've done basically no measuring for this and I enjoy that very much lol#If not for the Order of Events I would be at zero miscalculations! Everything was so going to plan!!#Anyway I need to go to the library and do some printing and pick a colour to use as backing but hmngh I'm out of black and grey#I guess I could double up with white but I'm running low on that too!#Project has gotten totally out of hand lol ♪#Taking it slow - clearly not slow enough lol - but still enjoyable even over the course of A While to complete :)
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the most devastating shit on earth is that i had a friend in middle school who was like my ride or die. but her only "social media" was Google Fucking Plus. so naturally i have lost her in the wastelands of that shitstorm. but i cannot find her ever again bc she has like The most common name on god's green earth so one facebook search for people with her name in the bronx yields like a million fucking results. so imagine if she's not even in the bronx anymore. 10 million results
#and if by some will from god she's out there wondering about me occasionally too She'd also be shit out of luck#bc my first name is different now. not even close to my birthname. and my last name is a nightmare#i didn't learn how to spell that shit until i was 6 and only so soon bc my mother set aside time to teach me specifically how to spell it#like it was its own school lesson. How to spell my own last name. so i'm not going to imagine someone could ever just Remember That#a decade down the fucking line#but i miss her often. she showed me inuyasha for the first time before rodan even did#we had the most awkward innocent scared quivering animal type lesbianism happening.#i would walk her home even though it meant making my 10 minute walk home into like 45 minutes#she lived in one of the projects and she snuck me in her apartment a few times when her dad wasn't home. that's when we watched inuyasha#one of my ''gifts'' i remember so specifically when we had decided we were dating is. i gave her. a tiny bag of chips.#blinks for a long time at you. i got her A Bag Of Chips.#💀😭 She should've killed me where i stood........#we once kissed because someone said they'd give us 20 dollars for it. We did not get the 20 dollars.#i was mad bc i wanted to split it with her and get snackies at the deli after school together or something. kills my elf#WAAAH i miss her. i miss da bronx too. one day i'm gonna drag rodan downstate to see it all#i want to take him to the bronx zoo and the botanical gardens. but also i just checked and nearly scumpt at the prices#37 DOLLARS..... 💀⁉️ i remember. (said oldly) i remember when it was. SEVEN DOLLARS!!!#whstever fucking happened to wednesdays you get in free. huh#i'm too scared to even look at the gardens now bc Nearly 40 tickets a person. oh My God. vomitworthy#wait oh my god what do thebuses and subway cost now. oh no oh no oh no#okay it's okay. it's a 40 cent difference. idr what a metrocard used to cost so it means nothing that it's a dollar now#but also Why the fuck do the express buses cost SEVEN DOLLARS.... 😭 brother bring that shit back down to five NEOW!!!#it's not even double the standard fare anymore. even if i round up the standard fare That's More Than Double. what#i hate inflation i hate inflation i hate#i'm rambling. walks away fast And my ass
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