#the effort of what communication works w/what person in what situation

[unproduciblesmackdown]

no, More active effort, More conscious consideration

[lionhanie]

leehan as your boyfriend! ♡

established relationship, PURE fluff, leehan x reader, leehan is IN LOVE with you, also not proofread LOL!!!!!!!

word count: ~800 i think lol

warnings: none

a/n: i can't lie this whole thing was sooo self indulgent i just love him so bad #GUILTY!

literally does everything in his power to make you smile and feel good... #1 boyfriend in the world i fear!

he must have the ability to read the minds of the people he loves bc he just knows what you need all the time

...or rather than this, all of his opinions and preferences become whatever you like! (without complaint ofc, because he’s okay with anything as long as you’re satisfied)

this makes me think he’s rlly big on quality time because he seems like the type of bf to be content with just. whatever! as long as you’re there ^_^

quite literally only has eyes for you

he doesn’t really *intend* to do this, but it is so difficult for him to focus on anyone else if he has *you* there with him

everyone will always complain when they hangout with just you two bc they will always end up feeling like a third wheel :skull: 

even if you try to tease him for literally adoring you 24/7 he wouldn’t even be flustered or embarrassed. he would just nod and smile in agreeance U_U

he’ll always go out of his way to compliment you too, telling you how cute you look or how good you are at doing something. he gets a little shy every time you compliment him, but he always recovers by turning the praise back to you

even though he isn’t the best texter, i imagine he would put in extra effort to keep you updated throughout the day-- especially if it's hard to spend a lot of time together in person

you're just going about your day at school/work and you hear a notification on your phone... it's leehan sending you like 10 different angles of the new friends he got for his fish tank

or it's one of his selfies that are either 1) blurry, 2) crop out like 80% of his face, 3) at an unnatural selfie angle, or 4) all of the above. regardless, he's still your handsome boyfriend & looks amazing in every pic he sends

unironically i think he would be a DRY texter LMFAO but the way he communicates is kind of endearing. rather than sending messages, he def has a concerningly large album of reaction pics he uses for every possible situation (including ones he made himself using pics of you & the members)

dates with him are SO fun.

again, he doesn't really care too much about what you two do as long as he gets to spend time together... he's just down to try Anything and Everything so you guys never really run out of things to do together

being so eager to try new activities, i can 100% see him suggesting the most obscure data ideas & being so genuinely excited to do it no matter how odd it may seem given the context

cause Boy wdym you think fishing in a river at 12am is a fun idea for a date... it’s not necessarily like you were going to say no .... but also… this isn’t a common date activity, right?

i think he loves staying in with you the most….. sleepover!!! :3

especially after you both had tiring days; spending a night in with each other never fails to recharge you both!

ordering any food you want (he isn’t planning on eating much, so he’d rather get something you’re craving) ((after a couple bites he sits back and watches you eat w/ the biggest grin on his face))

but i think the absolute BEST part of the night is when the two of you are side by side at the bathroom counter doing a Twelve Step Skincare Routine that leehan made himself

and you’re giggling the whole time bc he takes his skincare SERIOUSLY. (that one mf who don’t play about his skincare bye)

i think he’d be super attentive, but silently though

you’d never know he’s constantly keeping track of your reactions to certain things, your different routines, your food preferences, the types of clothes you like

Ok in theory it /sounds/ creepy but he just puts in the effort to observe the way you like to do things so he can help you whenever you need it

IMAGINE you’re running late & you can’t find your phone /again/ and you’re lowkey freaking out because you Need To Leave Now but leehan just steadies you and hands you your phone

and ur kind of in awe ??? i've been looking for this for ten minutes now... How Do you have this …?

he just shrugs and explains “you always leave it underneath the blanket when you make the bed so i figured it might be there again" and motions for you to hurry before you’re late

or maybe you’re feeling under the weather & you ask him to make you a hot drink to help soothe your throat and he comes back with a mug of tea made EXACTLY how you make it for yourself

you're pleasantly surprised upon taking your first sip because …you don’t recall ever telling him how you like your tea? 

then he's sitting there with stars in his eyes and saying “i made it properly, right? :3” (clearly very proud of himself bc he remembered how you like it)

doesn't seem like the type to be too extra when it comes to PDA. if anything, he prefers small and/or secret interactions in public (it feels more intimate if only you guys know what's happening)

head pats. that’s it. he thinks the way you literally melt whenever he pats your head is the most endearing thing ever, so he'll save it /specifically/ when you're out w/ a group of people because he loves seeing you so flustered afterwards

keeping a hand on the small of your back or resting his arm on the back of your chair when you're sitting next to each other

holding your hand in his under the table, giving it a gentle squeeze as the two of you continue to talk with the others at the table

at the end of the day... he just loves you so dearly & couldn't be happier knowing that he can call you his, and you can call him yours :,)

© lionhanie 2024 ; all rights reserved!

[hyewka]

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ — masterlist page! 𑁯 

☆ RECENTS! ⌦

☆ NOTE! ⌦ pieces of work are ordered by most to least recent for each member.

🍏 = personal fave, 🍎 = old fic, 🌟 = popular

⤷ ꒰ 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐈 𝐘𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐉𝐔𝐍 ꒱

choi yeonjun. ๑ 6.8k

in which getting your male friend prettied up for a party goes weirdly left.

(🌟 ) fetish! ft beomgyu ๑ 4.9k

when a late night conversation with soju and beer transforms into the calling out of choi beomgyus historical pattern of hook up bluffs the attention eventually shifts to you and your sex endeavors.

( 🍎 ) after party ๑ 2.7k (community labeled)

you didn’t know taking the virginity of the cruel rich asshole could feel so empowering. (ft. beomgyu)

— unedited drabbles/thoughts:

fwb yeonjun’s jealous

giving yeonjun head

yeonjun choker thoughts

sitting on yeonjuns face

( 🍏 ) (sort of) fucking annoying neighbour yeonjun (community labelled)

( 🍎 ) perv bestfriend yeonjun thought (community labelled)

⤷ ꒰ 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐈 𝐒𝐎𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍 ꒱

priorities, you perv ๑ 2.6k

a blind date? oh thats immediately pushed aside just for the addictive high you get off messing with your roommate, who seems to be more pouty than usual tonight for whatever reason.

( 🌟 ) please, noona ๑ 4.9k (community labelled)

messing with your brother’s best friend who just can’t keep his eyes off your tits.

— unedited drabbles/thoughts:

overstim sub soobin

yandere sub soobin

bunny hybrid soobin

sub ceo soobin

church boy soobin thought

( 🍏 ) barely giving fwb soobin head (community labelled)

perv!soobin thought

bunny!soobin x fox!reader (community labelled)

⤷ ꒰ 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐈 𝐁𝐄𝐎𝐌𝐆𝐘𝐔 ꒱

buddy system

wanting to try a new sexual route with your boyfriend but not knowing how to approach the situation drives you to beomgyu—your best friend since the dawn of time, under the rule of what you call a buddy system.

( 🌟 ) what a loser! ๑ 2.7k

hearing rumours of your sex life travel around your campus for the first time has you standing in front of the very person that you’re convinced is responsible. your secret fuck buddy.

fetish ft. yeonjun ๑ 4.9k

when a late night conversation with soju and beer transforms into the calling out of choi beomgyus historical pattern of hook up bluffs the attention eventually shifts to you and your sex endeavors.

( 🍏 ) while i fuck you straight ๑ 5.1k (CL)

in which you let your best friend fuck you into oblivion in the name of forgetting about your ex.

( 🌟 ) love me ๑ 1.8k

in which your best friend so graciously offers to satisfy your very stale sex life.

( 🌟 ) ( 🍏 ) boyfriend ๑ 4.3k

choi beomgyu is a name that means different things to different people. to you, he's the pest that you can't quite get rid of. he's always around to bother you, embarrass you, all of the above. unfortunately his hatred for you ends up ruining your chances with his best friend, choi soobin. and now all the years of effort you've spent tolerating him dissipates; you've had enough of his bitchy attitude.

— unedited drabbles/thoughts:

vampire

trying to get your attention

straddling beomgyu while he’s injured

bratty kitty hybrid beomgyu

stepbro!beomgyu

ceo!beomgyu

beomgyu fucking you on the floor

( 🍏 ) sub!gyu and aphrodisiacs

switch bear gyu

sub!gyu sitting on your lap

choking sub!gyu

puppy hybrid beomgyu

trainee!beomgyu x idol!reader

hickeys w/ sub beomgyu (community labelled)

jerking off sub!beomgyu in a skirt

sub!beomgyu fucking you bcs hes jealous

sub!beomgyu eating you out while you game

( 🌟 ) perv bestfriend!gyu thought

( 🍎 ) yandere bestfriend!beomgyu thought

( 🍎 ) sub!puppy hybrid thought

⤷ ꒰ 𝐊𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐀𝐄𝐇𝐘𝐔𝐍 ꒱

. . . (empty)

— unedited drabbles/thoughts:

sub!tyun in car with vibrator

(🌟) sub!tyun, noona!reader

dom!tyun thoughts

⤷ ꒰ 𝐇𝐔𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐊𝐀𝐈 ꒱

. . . (empty)

— unedited drabbles/thoughts:

pervert kai + caught panty stealing

pocket pussy + best friend kai

( 🍏 ) sub!kai in a tent

perv!hyuka thought (community labelled)

➪ ꒰ more than one member ꒱

( 🌟 ) fetish! - cyj, cbg ๑ 4.9k

when a late night conversation with soju and beer transforms into the calling out of choi beomgyus historical pattern of hook up bluffs the attention eventually shifts to you and your sex endeavors.

— unedited drabbles/thoughts:

yandere!txt

riding tyun’s abs + face sitting with hyuka

( 🌟 ) favorite places txt likes to suck hickeys

( 🍏 ) unconventional sex (community labelled)

© HYEWKA 2024 . if a post is community labelled you will not be able to see said post if you don’t change your settings, click here to learn how to change them. reblogging helps circulate my work and get it picked up by tumblr's algorithm, the kind gesture is always appreciated

[bouquetface]

PAC: What’s the tea on him/her?

Keep in mind: Not every pac you come across will be for you. Take it as entertainment.

Photos are completely random have nothing to do w the content.

1-2

1.

THINGS THAT MAY BE SIGNIFICANT: CAP. AQUA. JACK HARLOW - AMBITIOUS.

This person is well known. They could be a social person. They could have a big following. It seems this person has reluctantly left a situation.

They felt you or this situation showed little effort or interest. Potentially, you work with them or they’ve decided to focus on work. They may have communicated this to you like “I’m focused on school/work right now” “I’m really busy right now” “I can’t right now”.

Yet, there is a 3rd person involved here. I’m not saying they’re a complete liar. They are focused on materialistic matters over relationships right now. That doesn’t mean they aren’t casually flirting/entertaining other options. This person could be attractive or social n flirty asf. It may come as no surprise they have other options. Whether this person is a man or woman, they have a female friend.

I’m unsure what your connection is to this person. It seems you have little to no contact with them right now. As I said earlier, this reading began with an ending type of energy. Someone cut ties with a friend or lover. They could have left a job and not a relationship too. They felt it showed little or no room for advancement.

They’ve ended something and now they’ve moved forward. Sorry pile 1 idk what you were expecting but I’m not picking up any serious tea/gossip.

You could be asking about a crush. If this is the case, they’ve left a relationship or job. Now, casually opening themselves up to new people.

If you’re asking about an ex friend or lover, they’re moving on. This where I strongly feel they’re getting close with a female friend. Regardless of your person’s gender, they are hanging out with this woman. She seems signifiant so I thought I’d mention her. This likely means something to someone specific.

Also, I keep getting the thought that a lot of you are thinking about a famous person. One of you or many of you are thinking about a celeb crush for this reading. If this is the case, they’ve ended a project or relationship. They’re fine and just living their life.

2.

THINGS THAT MAY BE SIGNIFICANT:

SCORPIO. LEO. PLAYBOI CARTI (i have only 4 songs of his in my Liked Songs. all 4 played on shuffle during this pile).

This person is currently very inconsistent in their moods. They go in and out of people’s lives. Very inconsiderate of other people’s time and energy.

“They’re too old to be acting this way” - The tea on this person is they’re immature. People are fed up with them. Coworkers, friends, family, love interests.

It could be due to external factors. School or work has put a lot of stress on them. For someone specific, this person could even be dealing with something very serious. A pet or friend could have died. As a result, they’re in chaotic energy right now. Sometimes they’re feeling fine, other times they’re wanting to disappear.

They are not someone who is being open with their feelings. As a result, other people are giving them a lot of shit. People don’t know what’s going on with them. They’re getting to a point where they don’t even care.

“[Person’s name] never gives a shit about anybody else’s feelings, why should I give a shit about theirs?” - This is the kind of thoughts people are having about this person.

I want to give them the benefit of the doubt. It seems they could be going through something and have potential to do better. But it seems their recent actions have disappointed/irritated those around them.

They could possibly be cancelling plans all the time. Never showing up or showing up very late. If this is work related, it’s likely they’ve been given a warning. If it’s friend related, seems their own friends just don’t want to invite this person out anymore. What’s the point they never show up anyways?

They’re also very secretive. They may lying to some people. They could have literally stolen something. Once again, this person is being very inconsiderate and selfish. They aren’t focused on anybody but themselves. But with all this self sabotage behaviour, they’re barely taking care of themselves. If they’ve cut you out, know you’re likely not the only one who got cut out. That’s the tea on them.

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

hi there! love your work! i recently had a prof say that all zoos (USA) are bad (so we shouldn't support them) and sanctuaries are better because using animals for entertainment is morally wrong, most zoo profits dont go to conservation, and conservation efforts are bandaid solutions to capitalism destroying animal habitats, so the real solution is to return the land to indigenous stewards to manage/rewild. i didn't disagree with the last bit, but the argument as a whole felt a little off to me for a reason i couldnt put my finger on. am i off base here? just feeling really unsure about the whole thing.

You're not wrong! There's a mix of reality and personal opinions in those statements, and it's definitely something worth critically examining. A quick fact-check of what they said for you:

All US zoos are bad

There's a massive range of quality of zoological facilities within the US (and around the world). Some are stellar and some are not, and it's really just not accurate to lump them all under the same umbrella for almost any purpose. Unless, of course, your issue isn't with animal welfare, and it's philosophical, which is what it sound like in #2...

2. Using animals for entertainment is morally wrong.

This is one of my favorite things to talk about w/r/t how we exhibit animals. Entertainment has become equated with exploitation and implicit low welfare in the last couple decades, and so you get a lot of people saying using animals for entertainment is wrong. But those same folk will say that they enjoy seeing animals in other contexts, and they think that's okay. Where's the line between enjoying something and being entertained by it? What makes something one and not the other? Also, we know that people learn better from from situations which are enjoyable/entertaining - even just a fun teacher who jokes around vs a dry lecture - so how can that only be a problem when it's used to make viewing animals more impactful? I wrote a whole piece on this a while back (linked here) if you want to dig into this more. Some zoos (and accrediting groups) are shying away from "entertainment" type branding - shows are demos now, for instance - and others are leaning into "edutainment" that's done with good welfare and communicates actual education messaging. In short, this is a personal philosophical belief, and you're right to question if you agree. (Even if you decide you do think that too! It's always good to question why someone is arguing what they believe about animal use, and how they came to believe it).

3. Sanctuaries are better than zoos.

There's two reasons I think he's misinformed here. First, almost all exotic animal sanctuaries in the US are licensed exhibitors - just like zoos! I only know of a couple that don't exhibit to the public at all. It's an important part of their revenue stream, because gate take helps support paying for animal care. Also anything you see from a sanctuary on Youtube, Facebook, or TikTok? Also exhibition! They just message about it differently, and often have a different ethos about how they exhibit (e.g. tours to reduce stress instead of letting people wander, doing conservation or rescue messaging instead of just display). Second... look, most people assume that the word "sanctuary" means a facility is intrinsically more ethical than a zoo, and therefore they must be a good place. In reality, many sanctuaries get much less public and regulatory scrutiny (at the state level) than most zoos. There are good sanctuaries out there, but there are also sanctuaries where stuff goes on that would absolutely be unacceptable at zoos, and it slides because of the assumption that sanctuaries are inherently more moral and ethical and care for their animals better.

4. Most zoo profits don't go to conservation

This is correct! Direct conservation funding is often a small part of the money a zoo makes. However, that's because money goes to things like facility maintenance, new construction, paying salaries, etc. If zoos put all the money they made back into conservation programs, practically, they wouldn't have the funding to continue to operate. The question that I'd suggest asking instead is "where are they putting money into conservation" and "are they doing conservation work or just throwing money at something to display the logo of the program." Also, it's worth keeping in mind that a lot of what zoos do to support conservation isn't necessarily financial. Many facilities contribute "in-kind", by doing things like sending staff to assist with programs or teach specific skills, or by donating things like vehicles and equipment. Research zoos do also seriously contributes to in-situ programs, and breeding programs for re-introduction like the scimitar-horned oryx and the black-footed ferret are also conservation. Could many of the big urban facilities with huge budgets do more? Yes. But looking just at dollars spent on conservation programs is disingenuous and inaccurate.

5. Conservation efforts are band-aid solutions to capitalism destroying habitats / Returning the land to indigenous peoples to manage/rewild is the real solution to conservation issues

This is a little outside my scope so I'm going to only address the part that I know. First off, like, there's no One True Answer to conservation issues. That's reductionist and inaccurate. Conservation really is a human issue, though, and it often has to involve solving human problems that lead to negative results for animals. There's definitely an issue with what some people call "parachute conservation" where Westerners swoop in and try to tell people living in range countries how to best manage their animals and natural resources without recognizing their perspectives, needs, or what drives their behavior towards those animals. That's not just a zoo issue - that's an issue with a ton of traditional Western conservation work. And there is progress towards fixing it! In the zoo world, I've been very impressed with the work out of The Living Desert, where their conservation people spend a lot of time overseas teaching people in range countries to evaluate and improve their own conservation programs, so they can assess efficacy and also have data to apply for grants, etc. They provide support when asked, rather than trying to tell people who live with these animals regularly what to do. One of my favorite programs that TLD collaborates with (they don't try to run it!) is a group called the Black Mambas that reduces poaching by supporting entire communities to reduce the desperation for food/income, educating kids about animals, and running all-female patrols staffed by community members.

Overall, it sounds like your professor's view of zoos is really informed by their personal moral perspective, and possibly reinforced by a lot of the misinformation / misleading messaging that exists about the industry and about conservation work. They do have some specifics right, but not necessarily the context to inform why things are like that. It was a good catch to question the mix of information and approach it critically.

[genderlessdude92]

. . .

⋆⁺₊❅.⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆⁺₊❅. •̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ⁺₊❅.⋆꙳

⭑ ๋ ⊹ ࣭ Lynn’s/Genderlessdude92's masterlist !! ⊹ ๋࣭ ⭑

⋆⁺₊❅.⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆⁺₊❅. •̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ⁺₊❅.⋆꙳

. . .

･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･⚬•・✦⋆°☽

☆♪..°.CALL OF DUTY.°..♪☆

･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･⚬•・✦⋆°☽

┃𖦹 I’M OKAY

SUMMARY: Ghost has came back from a harsh mission, most likely beaten to the core, and his S/o arrives worried sick. But, Simon can reassure her that everything will be alright.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･⚬•・✦⋆°☽

☆♪..°.HAZBIN.°..♪☆

･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･⚬•・✦⋆°☽

┃𖦹 THE BREAKING POINT

♪ SUMMARY: Y/N is a diligent worker, much to the chagrin of her partner, Alastor. Despite his efforts to get her to stop for both their sakes, Y/N remains steadfast in her duties. However, Alastor finds a loophole to this situation.

—————————

┃𖦹 HOLD ME AGAIN

♪ SUMMARY: Alastor has been neglecting you ever since you guys had a fight. It gets to you. (MAJOR ANGST/MAJOR FLUFF)

———————————

┃𖦹 Alastor x Reader who hates men

♪ANON ASK: “hai :3 can you do alastor with a s/o who is annoyed by men but she sees him and is like "but you're okay" because he's not a brute. it's like wow they're both mean to everyone except each other <3”

———————————

┃𖦹 GENTLE, PLEASE!

♪SUMMARY: Y/N, like the nervous wreck she is, can’t stop spending her free time worrying over something that’s not even a big deal. Of course, one thing lead to another. (Thank you, Charlie, for letting them have the day off).

———————————

┃𖦹 FORGIVENESS

♪SUMMARY: Alastor's work at the Hazbin Hotel keeps him preoccupied, leading to neglect in his relationship with Y/N. An argument later on arises, causing both to confront their feelings. Ultimately, they reconcile, promising to communicate better in the future. The story emphasizes the importance of understanding and communication in relationships.

———————————

┃𖦹 A CLEAN MIND (First Part)

♪SUMMARY: After a long night of doing Lucifer’s Tango with the infamous Radio Demon, limbs sore to the brim, Alastor decides that it’s best to give his darling some proper aftercare. Of course one thing had led to another, but what would they do once they were caught in the net with a knock on the door?

———————————

┃𖦹 AL, VOX, VAL, & LUCI WITH THEIR BIOLOGICAL CHILD

♪ANON ASK: “Hi, I really love your work! If your requests are open and if it's allowed, can I request for headcanons of Vox/Val/Alastor/Lucifer with their biological baby w reader?? I'm sorry if this is weird I just die for family dynamics😭😭 like, how would they act, would they be present or neglectful, and that stuff!! Ik it's impossible to have a child in hell but HEY. ITS FICTIONAL. It's really your decision if this is super fluff or super angst, but personally I believe it would be angst because it's hell and they are really famous 😭 THANKU”

———————————

┃𖦹 PRECIOUS

♪SUMMARY: You and Alastor get into a fight because you’re just worried he got hurt after a fight with Vox. He snaps at you and…well, you isolate yourself. whoopsies!

———————————

┃𖦹 STICKS AND STONES

SUMMARY: Y/N is shaken when Vox mocks her on live television with rude comments and even exposing her secret relationship with Alastor, too. Struggling with self-doubt, she feels inadequate in Hell's power-driven society. Alastor comforts her, emphasizing her unique qualities and their deep connection, helping her find solace despite the lingering hurt from Vox's comments.

———————————

┃𖦹 IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY

SUMMARY: In a tranquil meadow near Cannibal Town, Alastor, the Radio Demon, returns to the sanctuary he shares with his beloved y/n, seeking solace from his chaotic life. Upon finding y/n in a state of distress and in the middle of harming herself, he realizes the depth of her pain and the hidden struggles she's been enduring. Through gentle support and heartfelt conversations, Alastor reassures y/n of his unwavering love and commitment, promising to face their challenges together.

———————————

┃𖦹 I’M ALL YOURS

SUMMARY: Alastor and his S/O face the intensity of rut season together, with y/n offering her support and revealing her innocence. (Yup, you’re a virgin in this). Despite initial apprehensions, their passion culminates in a deeply intimate experiemce, as well as a night to remember.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Requests are always open! Notes, Comments, and are logs are appreciated! All writings belong to @l4zyb0n35 and @genderlessdude92

[goobernormieomi]

this is a semi serious post so if u don’t want to read this bc its related to interpersonal conflicts and issues I had w others thats all good! Just felt it was time I said something for some people

So, I want to make it clear that if anyone has anything to apologize for to me, I’d prefer if it was directly and personally. I understand feeling anxious to do so but I find it more disingenuous if someone just makes a doc or a post talking about it instead, yes the behavior some people did against me that was quite honestly disgusting was public, but I prefer a direct apology before one decides to make a post.

I don’t want to talk too much about the whole Mel situation, ever since that whole situation where I left youtube and hid most of my stuff from the public I have wanted to do nothing with the situation let alone her ever again. I am willing to answer minor questions but only in private not publicly, I left behind that whole thing for a reason it was incredibly damaging to me.

To the people who harassed, bullied, shit talked, spread rumors, or generally had the guts to wish death on me because you were in a group with mel or in general in the fanbase. I do hope you guys mean it when you say you’re sorry, and I don’t mean that in a threatening way but in a more genuine manner. Time and time again I’ve seen people get influenced into taking wrong choices and acting so vile all for some “fun” and “bonding” and its been really, really harmful through the whole community from what I can tell.

I just want you all to feel better, find some peace, and let go of whatever it is that makes you cling to this whole situation, I mean this to everyone involved. I don’t generally hold a distaste for many of the ones who acted rudely towards me during the ordeal, most I’m willing to talk things out or simply leave in neutral terms, the only one, and I mean this clearly have it be said and done the only one I refuse to interact, forgive, and generally have anything to do with is Mel. But most of everyone else is fine by me, I understand some of you still hold negative opinions on me and thats all good and understandable.

That being said, I am making this post because of the burner account that recently made a post, I will not respond to it directly because as I’ve said before I would prefer a personal and private apology over a post in a burner account.

I wish all of you guys well, that you heal soon and that you have a peace of mind knowing I don’t hate any of you for what happened. I do get it, and I can’t hate any of you for it, I might not be happy about it but I won’t have hate towards you for what you did. Forgiven or not, don’t feel as if you need to feel guilty forever for what you said on me, I would rather you worked on forgiving yourself and not indulging in that destructive behavior again.

Thats all I have to say! this will prolly b the only time I post anything about this whole situation and its primarily for the third party people not the main person. Again, I just want to live my life, I worked to correct my wrongs and grow as a person and I intend to continue doing so, and I believe that everyone else can do the same as long as the effort is put into it.

take care you guys, I hope you all have a good night/morning/evening 🫶🏼

[karczel-fanzone]

POV:You failed civics (┬┬﹏┬┬)

Kny High School AU! Gyomei x Reader with severe Social Anxiety

Word count: 930

Warning: Overthinking, Anxiety, and Panic attack description from reader's POV

Just Gyomei being a teacher | Platonic

You appear before the teacher’s room.

Sweat runs down your face from sprinting here and feeling of dread as you stand before the door to it.

It’s your first time failing any test.

And you already heard a mouthful from your parents.

“Seriously?! You failed civics!?”

“Out of every other subject!?”

You have always been bad at socializing and communication.

And you either weren’t paying attention in class or drawing the time away, as you can just use common sense to pass those tests, you thought.

To your surprise, there were laws and ethical conundrums in the test, with situations that you’ve never considered the effects of the outcome before, nor their appropriate answers.

And all the homework you forget to submit that adds up to this moment.

To your efforts, you’re just a few points away from passing this exam.

It seemed like your common sense is worse than you thought,

And you were the only one who missed the first regrading opportunity, so you’re pretty much on your own.

You don’t know if he’ll deduct even more scores that you can get just because of this or make an even harder version of the test than the first one, and the first retest version.

*sniffles*

You knock on the door 2 times, before going in

“Hello… is Mr. Himejima here?”

You felt so tiny and scared in this room full of adults.

Your communication skills were bad among your peers, and even worse with adults as you tried your best to not cry abruptly from sheer intimidation that creeps up to the back of your skull.

You feel your throat painfully trying to close in on itself as you try your hardest to fight against that to not end up speaking in illiterate croaking sounds.

“Yeah? That’s me”

He lifted his head up from his desk as he seemed to be working on something… grades, maybe?

The thought makes you feel guilty and nervous, like you’ve been pricked with a thousand tiny needles under your skin.

“Yes”

You nodded haphazardly.

“What have you come here for?”

“I c-come to take- “

Your throat betrays you as you feel more eyes from the other teachers in the room land on you and you can only breathe in panic as you start to feel a bit woozy.

“What’s wrong?”

“i-I-uhhhhh…”

You felt cold sweats on the side of your forehead as you internally try to regain control of yourself.

But maybe announcing your failure to the entire room of teachers might be too much of a step to take, right now.

Your legs are shaking threatening to make you fall over at any moment.

“Hello?”

Himejima gets up and clicks his tongue near-silently to navigate with the sound that bounces off nearby physical objects as he gets up and makes his way over to you.

He scares you even worse as he’s standing in front of you, terrifying you so bad you almost faint from your own fear.

“h-ah-h- I’m- “

He waits for your answer patiently with a moderate distance from you as you try to speak again.

“I-… I failed you!”

“What?”

He’s just as perplexed as you are.

“w-wait no I mean- “

“I- It’s ok, I’m not disappointed in you.”

“Ah- “

Your low-esteem self automatically thinks that’s because he has no expectations of you since the very beginning, but you keep that thought to yourself, as you realize you can’t stop overthinking.

“You’re the last person who didn’t take the makeup exam right?”

“Y-yes!”

You nod so hard your head’s about to fall off, fearing words might’ve failed you.

“Well, you can take this open book test on the empty desk over there, since you’re the only one left.”

You let out a choked gasp in your throat with closed mouth as you heard the last part.

“N-no pressure, t- take your time.”

“Hfu…”

Hearing that made you give out a sigh that took your stress out a little.

You take out your book and a few online mind maps you printed out to memorize for the past 2 days and start to work on your make-up exam.

You spent a few minutes staring at each question with no thoughts, which made Gyomei a little worried as you seemed very on edge about this test. Granted that he couldn’t even see your facial expression, but he could tell from the taps of your foot and the sound of biting fingernails.

“…You can listen to music if that helps?”

You gasped in surprise.

“Thanks, I appreciate it.”

And there you were, looking between your book and the test, breathing more calmly as you listen to your earphones.

It calmed your nerves, and you even doodled on the empty space before turning it in.

“I’m done! …Sir!”

as your hands in your test papers.

You’re not sure if the ‘sir’ made things more awkward, but it felt more right to say, rather than without.

“Ah, hm”

He gently accepts the papers that were outstretched to him, the same paper you were scared to take just a moment ago.

“…”

“…”

You two exchange stares without any words, with either of you having any ideas on why the other kept staring back.

“Um…”

“Am I good?”

“What?”

“Uh… Am I good to go?”

“Oh- yeah, yeah. Did you put in your names, number, and class?”

“Yep!”

“Ok, you’re good to go.”

“Thank you! Thank you very much!”

You put a thumbs up to express your joy with a smile on your face,

And he reluctantly returns the gesture.

More fan works and fan stuffs @karczel-fanzone! ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

[shentheauthor]

hc for how the Harbingers' react to their s/o having a panic attack? Specially one that's due to the s/o having social anxiety?

Heyo, sorry this took me longer than usual to get to! I don’t have social anxiety, but I hope I do ok with this.

————

Pierro:

Removes you from the situation

He will try to get you out of there as fast as possible

When you’re in a quiet place, he’ll walk you through breathing exercises

He def understands panic attacks

You cannot tell me he hasn’t had them before

So he’ll just talk you through it

And he won’t force you to go back into the social situation that caused it

He has obligations as a harbinger, so he might not be able to stay with you the whole time, but he will make sure you’re okay before he leaves

Chad old man, 10/10

Capitano:

He would also 100% understand panic attacks

If he doesn’t have them himself, he def has soldiers who do

While he isn’t experienced with social anxiety, if you communicate w him about it, he will make an effort to understand

Basically just tries to be there for you and talk you down

He’ll make sure nobody is looking at you

Tries to help keep you grounded

If you’re ok to be touched, he’ll rub your back and hold your hand

If not, he’ll just stand and hope his presence helps

Another 10/10

Dottore:

Ok I’m gonna be level w you

He sucks MGKBKBFJBKKDKVJDJ

But hey he will put in an effort 😭😭😭

It would take him a while to realize what’s happening to you, but when he does, he’s already moving to get you to a quiet place

He doesn’t know what to do with himself

So he’ll just ramble about the physical symptoms of a panic attack 😭

He’s trying, ok?

He wouldn’t really be much of a help, but at least he will stay with you until you’re calm

And reassure you when you’re okay enough for it

After the first time it happens, he’ll study up on how to help

He does genuinely care, even if he doesn’t know how to show it

I’m giving him a 3/10 JGKBKFKG

Columbina:

MUCH better than Dottore, first of all

She won’t necessarily remove you from the situation at first

Just tries to quietly ground you where you are

If it doesn’t work tho, she will leave with you

Talks you down to the best of her ability

Definitely knows the 5-4-3-2-1 technique thing

“Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste”

When you’re sufficiently calm, she’ll sing to try and soothe you

Very understanding

If anyone saw you having a panic attack, they’ll pretend they didn’t bc columbina is lowkey scary NGKBKFM

11/10, would recommend

Arlecchino:

Mmmm she kinda sucks too

But not as bad as Dottore

She’s the type to tell you to “suck it up” before she realizes it’s completely serious

Then she snaps into caring mode

Immediately whisks you away while glaring at anyone who so much as glances at you

Shockingly good at talking you down when she understands what’s going on

She might sound a bit harsh while talking to you, but she isn’t a very soft person in general

And she’s trying her best

She’ll def get better as time goes on

She will memorize the techniques that work for you, and help you prepare for social situations beforehand to prevent another panic attack

All in all, 6/10

Pulcinella:

Oh he would be so good at this

Similar to Pierro in how he treats you

So gentle and patient

He might try and get you to go back to where you left after

But he won’t push it if you can’t

He will let you use him as a comfort item, like a teddy bear

I genuinely love him sm

9/10

Scaramouche:

Another who would tell you to suck it up

But once he realizes that you really, truly can’t, he’ll soften

Gets you outta there so fast

Threatens anyone who stares JFVKFKF

He wouldn’t really know how to help you, but he knows humans are supposed to breathe

So he’ll try to help you w that

I hc that he sorta has fake lungs, so he can make breathing noises

Gets you to breathe along with him

He won’t make you go back when you’re calmed down, shockingly

“I don’t want to go back either. It’s a drag.”

Get you a man who helps you skip social interactions

7/10

Sandrone:

She doesn’t understand people

And her only experiences with panic attacks have been other people having them because of her

But when she found out you have social anxiety, she prepared herself

So she actually knows exactly what to do

She likes having control over everything in her life, for the most part, and this is something she can help you control as well

She’ll walk you through breathing exercises and grounding techniques

She naturally sounds harsh, but she will try to communicate that she doesn’t mean it

She struggles with understanding how other people feel, but if she thinks of it like machines, it helps

“Sometimes machines overheat and need to rest in order to operate normally”

She also hates people, like Scara, so she won’t make you go back either LMAO

Shockingly helpful, 8/10

Signora:

Instantly ready to go

Removes you as fast as possible and tries to help calm you down

It takes a lot to thaw her heart, but since you’ve already done that, she will be so good at this

Very patient and understanding

Knows grounding techniques bc she did hella research

She’ll talk to you softly long after you’re already calm

Helping you feel like your normal self

She will maim anyone who dares to comment on it after

She’ll also help you prepare for future situations, and is generally extremely patient

12/10, I adore her, and she would be so soft for her s/o

Pantalone:

He also kinda sucks MFKBKF

He spent his whole life clawing his way to the top and essentially turning off his empathy for other people

But for you, he will shove aside his cutthroat business man attitude and try his damn hardest

He doesn’t know how to help with panic attacks

Like at all

All he knows is breathing helps

So he’ll just take you out of the situation and sit with you until you can speak enough to help him help you

He’ll learn what you need to calm down over time, but there will be a period where he just sucks ass

I love him, but he def can’t handle people he cares about going through a panic attack

Usually he’s the one causing them

He’ll buy you shit as an apology for being terrible tho, so there’s that

And he def pays attention to what you like and what you need, so those gifts would be so good

Basically, he doesn’t know shit, but he is willing to learn

5/10

Tartaglia:

By far the best out of all of the harbingers, even including the ones I rated higher than a 10/10

I hc that at least one of his siblings has social anxiety

So he knows exactly what to do

Takes you out of the situation, walks you through grounding techniques and breathing exercises

Gets you water and offers any physical comfort you may need

Respects your space if you require it

Talks to you for a while after and tries to get you to smile

He would notice you’re starting to have a panic attack before you do, probably

So nobody would even see, and you would be able to calm down p fast compared to the others

He will just be so gentle w you

And he will also help prepare you for future situations

Literally just the most understanding

48384/10

I hope these hcs are ok fkvkekgkekvkg I also hope they aren’t too repetitive…

[m0tel6mxzzy]

rue bennett, ginny miller, and lack of nuanced perception in how mental illness in black women works

i think the tragedy of euphoria (if i had to list just one) is partially the fandom’s lack of understanding of rue, leslie, and gia…cultural attitudes in the black community have a lot to do w why leslie acts the way she does. and then race is never mentioned bc sam levinson doesn’t comprehend the nuances of race and mental health in the black community.

he can comprehend addiction, but nothing like the fact rue being a black woman will have her heavily stigmatized by the black community as well as the predominantly white one she lives in as her “proving black stereotypes.”

he can comprehend addiction, but nothing like the fact rue being a black woman will have her heavily stigmatized by the black community as well as the predominantly white one she lives in as her “proving black stereotypes.”

that just hits a lot harder knowing in the beginning of s1, she has zero hope and so it feels very hollow when lexi encourages her sobriety, and again in s2 from jules when she’s going thru withdrawals. she is tired of being the scapegoat by everyone around her, even if they have valid reasons for wanting her to get clean and she is making decisions that harm others. and she feels during the s2 interaction with cassie that she is being pitied, simply cannot take it anymore, and retaliates bc she is just so tired of everyone around her being believed to be innocent and pure when they are not, and her being expected to be even in the throes of addiction and it being perceived as “not her.”

bc in a sense, rue is not her addiction. however, she’s lived with it so long that she is used to it, practically revels in the deviant label her entire schools mocks her with, and thus feels like she cannot leave. jules conflicts with this, because she cares for rue as a friend and romantically but is not going to associate with her if she continues. but even when she is sober, people like nate are shit talking her efforts to stay clean when they simply have no idea what she’s gone through, yet jules is proud of her despite rue finding it hard to stay clean. cassie only does the same as nate because she needs a defense for having gotten with him but not taking accountability for how that hurt maddy, even if she was right rue’s friendship with lexi was incredibly toxic and transactional. the issue here is everyone has valid points abt rue except for nate, but no one is seeing the nuances of her situation. it’s either “she’s good because she’s clean” or “she’s bad because she’s not” and jules seemed to be the only one blurring that line because she’s dealt with addiction in her family before.

leslie kind of reminds me of my mom in that she did help me thru mental issues, but it was a very “deviant” thing to do bc of how in most of black american society, racism is seen as something you need to be “stronger” than and thus stronger than any other obstacle. so realistically, some black ppl in rue’s extended family might actually ridicule her or attribute her addiction to personal flaws or solely her father’s death. rue is an atheist, but also her mother was this religious church girl in her youth and rue is seen in church settings during rehab. there’s a possibility leslie didn’t even tell others abt rue’s hospitalizations or if she did and word got around, she had to fabricate some sort of lie so rue would not be judged for her addiction.

and ppl perceive leslie as “overreacting” as they do gia and that’s very suspicious to me. idk like, as compared to ginny and georgia ginny has severe depression and georgia is like, praised for a lot of the manipulative shit she says to ginny when that’s a huge contribution to her mental issues not being resolved for as long as they were in the first place. i personally think a lot of the g&g fandom missed the point of the show—georgia is not perfect. loving your kids does not mean they don’t get to feel traumatized when you admit to murdering their step father. generational trauma is a thing and you cannot love someone into not acknowledging or feeling their extent of their own.

ginny and georgia somewhat makes that distinction in the therapy sessions by explaining bc georgia is white there is a lot of experiences she cant understand ginny has, so she cant just invalidate them. however the fandom is so corny and anti black that they will compare ginny’s trauma to georgia’s to undermine her. and then praise georgia for doing what she should’ve done as a parent which is support ginny and complain how ginny should be “more grateful to have her.” and say the same abt her father. that truly just paints an insidious lack of compassion for black women dealing w/ mental health issues. bc abby and marcus, dealing with their own, have quite never been given such animosity for having mental issues, they’ve actually been given much more sympathy.

[psychics4unet]

Edit — my apologies, bro! If possible, could I please scrap my other question and ask this one instead? It’s an updated one regarding work.

Can I please receive guidance/a reading regarding what I am meant to get out of my current job/place of work and what I need to do in order to make things better and easier for me as far as navigating my coworkers is concerned?

Long story short, I’m very uncomfortable. People are pleasant enough, but we operate on very different wavelengths w/ ppl imo coming off as aggressively social & invasive when it comes to personal details about private lives – many which I am not willing to answer. Also, despite the fact that I am polite & professional, & willing to small talk about other things (& I have tried to do so with some coworkers), some have tried to provoke reactions out of me because I come off as “ stoic” & they are “ unsure how to approach me.”

They haven’t given me much to work with, and I’ve already had to make MANY adjustments in the short time. I’ve already been here. I don’t think it’s fair that other people get to come as they are and focus on their work, but I am indirectly being forced out of/away from my boundaries and being poked at.

People are pleasant enough on the surface & I’m trying to figure out how to watch the balance between staying away from the BS/focusing on my work and doing just enough that I’m allowed to simply do just that without others making it into a thing.

I’m tired & wondering how long I should be here. As I’ve shared with you, ish has been tough lol 😅

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Your solar plexus chakra 🌞, the seat of personal power and boundaries, is radiating a strong yet strained energy. This suggests that you are in a phase of asserting your identity in a space where others expect conformity. The discomfort you feel is a reflection of this chakra being stretched, it’s working hard to maintain your autonomy in an environment that challenges it. To support this energy, focus on reaffirming your inner strength. Practice mindful breathing exercises when situations arise, grounding yourself in your core. Repeat affirmations like, “I am confident in my ability to hold my boundaries with grace.”

Your throat chakra 💙, linked to communication and self-expression, feels slightly blocked, likely from the effort of balancing professionalism with self-protection. This energy indicates a need for clear, intentional communication. You don’t have to share more than you’re comfortable with, simple, polite responses like “I’d rather not get into that” or redirecting with neutral topics can help. Express your limits confidently, and remember that your worth is not tied to how much you reveal.

Lastly, your root chakra ❤️, connected to stability and feeling secure, is flickering. This shows that the environment is shaking your foundation. While it might not be a long-term space for you, there’s a lesson here about maintaining your sense of security regardless of external circumstances. Ground yourself with daily rituals like stretching or journaling to reinforce your emotional resilience.

Summary: This job seems to challenge your boundaries and communication, pushing you to strengthen your self-expression and inner stability. While it may not feel ideal, these lessons are sharpening your ability to hold your ground in challenging spaces. Stay true to yourself, lean into grounding practices, and trust that this is a stepping stone, not your final destination.

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[ovaruling]

@gynoids-over-androids putting under a cut bc i have a lot to say as always lmao

well i should start by saying i’ve never been to any gym or class in my life outside of the ones i did in my own home by myself (Pahla B on youtube for low-impact, most of Jillian Michaels’s filmography so far, Chloe Ting on youtube), so i was really nervous taking it outside of my living room so to speak

esp since i do have a few really odd-to-describe disabilities from my surgery aftermath that i always worried would make me feel like i had to explain everything to an instructor if i ever went to a class so as not to disrupt anyone. my life has been very small bc of those disabilities for about 10 years and i don’t have much interaction with large groups of people so i was also a bit nervous abt that bc i’ve been struggling to find a foothold in society since my last surgery.

that said, i have been working out for a few years, so i’m going in with what i would call a very good level of fitness and endurance already, and my plan was always that—to assure myself that i could build functional fitness at home over time by myself before setting foot in a class bc of my unusual bodily situation (? not sure what else to call it). so i can’t personally speak to if someone is going in from 100% sedentary, but as someone who’s pretty fit and never ever had instructors or community experience w exercise, so far i am loving it.

everyone there is so so nice and accommodating and there’s just no pretentiousness that i can sense at all. most of my fears have been allayed—i haven’t had to explain anything abt my disabilities to anyone and after trying out 2 places i really like the facility i chose. people of all ages and body types and fitness levels (there is an elderly man there who i swear to god looks like if the monopoly man was both shredded and yassified. same wax-styled mustache and everything), moms lifting and snatching massive barbells w their kids chilling in the stroller next to them. extremely casual atmosphere, but also so much control and structure and help.

and i’ve never had access to high quality equipment before, but the learning curve has no pressure on it so far. my very first day, the instructor made sure i was comfortable with everything and answered every single question i had and integrated me step by step into the rest of the class’s workout at my starting level to get familiar with using a barbell. it was really helpful and made me feel like i was part of the flow already.

i had to stop several times to make sure i wasn’t hurting myself (i have widespread nerve damage that means sometimes my lower body just. glitches and shuts down the connection to my brain’s intent and spasms for a bit and doesn’t do what i want it to do, and i lose all feeling so i panic bc i cant gauge where my body is—the litany goes on but basically i have many issues that crop up frequently during prolonged motion) but even when that happened it proved zero problem at all and no one noticed and i collected myself and got back into it and it was fine. modifications can be made for every move, which is something i learned with Pahla B workouts years ago, and applies here just as well, and i am stubborn in that optimism.

i was even feeling myself so much i wanted to try a box jump so i asked the instructor what the proper form was. she had me start by jumping on progressively higher stacked barbell plates just laid on the ground. and then i tried the box and i got it! and a bunch of people congratulated me or complimented my successful efforts and stopped after class to chat and introduce themselves which made it feel more team-like to me.

vibe seems to be: just do what you can, ask for help and guidance if you need it (i’m still new so i don’t know all the lingo or all the form cues yet but no one is looking at you making you feel scrutinized, everyone is just there to do their thing and they’re also super helpful if they walk by), and know that you’ll get better at everything you’re attempting w consistent attempt. which is just my basic philosophy anyway.

and ok yeah i’ve never been to a traditional gym before—well, i have a few times, and just never went back cuz i felt it was too polished for the likes of me lol (where i live is veryyyyy pretentious). the high gloss attitude truly just never appealed to me. works for some, just not me. in my area at least, everyone in traditional gyms are in some kind of coordinated outfit and are on their phones and taking videos and stuff (i really don’t like that aspect—i don’t consent to showing up in someone’s gym tiktok lol). so yeah especially these days, the feeling that there’s an image to be achieved in gyms just makes my skin crawl. and if i’m going to shell out for the price of any kind of gym membership, i’d rather it not be a place i get self-conscious in that i’m gonna be filmed or creeped on or something (my terror of men in gyms is well-founded).

so i opted for crossfit bc i’ve had family members who were sedentary and went and loved it and saw amazing gains. and everyone at the place im at is way too busy to be filming or creeping (so far). and i do def already feel like it’s built for functional improvement toward accomplished strength, not merely an image of strength. like, i played outside constantly as a kid and it reminds me of that feeling lol, not least bc of the open-air-warehouse-unit concept. i think im too scrappy to ever be a traditional gym person, but crossfit is totally my vibe so far. no one cares enough to judge what your deal is, which is prob #1 on my ranking of important qualities for a fitness facility.

and while my level of general fitness is what i would call really good, i’m still a total beginner to crossfit kinds of work, work with equipment at all, and i’ve NEVER done group gym classes. so my nervousness about not being amazing at something immediately (huge impediment in my life generally) was a biggie but has proved to be baseless. crossfit seems to has no time or attention for individual compulsive fears or momentary embarrassments. which i absolutely love.

but to answer your original question TL;DR—i think it’s tougher than anything i’ve ever seen! grizzlier by far if nothing else—definitely no frills (it’s refreshing to see no makeup yet!). everyone seems to be of a same kind of no-nonsense grit—dunno how to describe it. what i’m observing the experienced crossfitters doing looks wicked hard, but it’s still very accommodating for all levels of fitness to hone. as in, it looks like some of the hardest shit i’ve ever seen anyone do, but that’s what i will be working toward at my own pace, and it’s exciting.

one of the moms i mentioned earlier was snatching thee heaviest barbell weight in the entire class, even more than the men (i checked), like it was nothing and then she went checked on her baby in between like it was all nbd. i was like god damn girl that is so metal. where else are you gonna see that

so. that’s just my first impressions so far! i signed up for 10 classes to see how it goes so i will report back :)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

occurring to me spinning off of other ppl talking abt similar things like, oh right, i guess my always like repeatedly going over / coming back around on the same thing phrased slightly different (like perhaps offering up similar words / phrases in a row between slashes lol) could be a behavior as someone who, being autistic, is generally misunderstood / misinterpreted when i say something, so trying to express something every which way and also sort of "translating" it into an alternate phrasing even as i'm saying it as an effort to increase the chances of someone parsing what i actually mean, or god forbid their realizing that they might be misinterpreting or missing something and seek out clarification (unfortunately either way i have not solved ableism and the double empathy problem. go figure)

like i've definitely consciously gone over a point repeatedly b/c i'm not sure someone's listening even though they're giving verbal affirmative responses. and then afterwards anyways it's evident that, in effect, i may as well have not said anything at all

and when it comes to talking specifically i sure can do a lot of it, and quickly, and it's like, well on the one hand i might like to talk, In Theory, for all the eternal lack of and/or limited opportunities to like, actually talk, socially, b/c i want to, with people i want to talk with. wherein some of it is sometimes obviously like "yeah i haven't gotten to express myself verbally For Real in fifty centuries so there's a ton of it happening now" but wherein it's also like, that so often even in more ordinary "practical" exchanges it's like, you have 5 seconds to respond & anything beyond that will be ignored, but oh also what you're saying in the 5 seconds might be ignored / so misinterpreted you may as well not have said anything, when there's not just the double empathy matter but that people are only saying something At you and there's maybe like one or two exact ways for you to respond "correctly" and that's all that would be parsed. lot of [the conversation "moves on"] or [you're the person who just so happens to "tend" to be interrupted / talked over] or [people are focused on something else and will be wandering away in twenty seconds] so like, anything you have to say has to be said Now. and also that when i communicate spontaneously, even comfortably, i gotta keep up with it or i might lose whatever train of thought or forget whatever thing i was about to say a moment ago. while on the other hand i can also Select / Edit what i'm going to say but that kind of communication might take "too long" for [no time delay] exchanges, so, and/or be deemed Weirdly phrased anyways. and if i'm trying to convey a concept/idea to someone else through the medium of language and that means expressing it a dozen different ways all in a row? all the more reason to need to talk 500 mph to even try to fit it in with the three seconds i probably don't actually have.

thinking of that like, the idea of Performance / Acting seeming more natural like oh right, the organic experience of effectively masking / trying to do things "correctly"/"normally" in a bunch of different situations w/different people being like, of course that could feel like acting, you're not even simply cutting & pasting the same role or mode into things every time you mask, b/c it's about taking the cues from the specific people in whatever specific situations, despite the idea allistic ppl have that they follow Rules and have their certain Skills that serve them well across the communicating / socializing board and that's why ppl don't ignore/exclude/reject/ostracise/punish/etc them like they do autistic people, when really the only constant factor they're operating with that serves them across the board is [being allistic]. also the affinity for linguistics when you've Already had cause to look at language as a system and one you can work with and be creative with, while also analyzing for patterns in usage and formation and like, the external examples of how it's evolved and analyze and question how people have interpreted what some language has been used to convey, like, especially interested in translation in that way, wherein there's that truth of like, generally it's not one to one equivalents b/w languages and literal "no one else could possible translate it otherwise" options every time, and there's Always effort and flexibility in translating something more closely to what's being said and to how Your translation would be interpreted by a third party, and that in translating the same language in different ways, different translations might prioritize trying to more accurately translate different elements vs another translation's effort, to say nothing of how deliberate omissions or effective mistranslations can be made to edit whatever concepts and that could be "invisible" to people who can't translate directly themselves. sure not that far from what it feels like just engaging w/nt people verbally. autistic people being """pedantic""" when noting potential ambiguity / alternate interpretations of something, weird for enjoying wordplay or choosing Unusual words to use in their own verbal communication....linguistics. the theatrical experience of like, you mean being around people as friends isn't "supposed" to feel like a tense matter of Trying to Act Right that you can only fuck up and even if you succeed you're just locked into that exact tense performance going forward?

but also of course, linguistics / language / translation is fun and engaging to me and i've always been interested in words and i am beyond some idea that it'll make me more successfully understood by allistic ppl or something. theatre has always been so fun to me that i didn't even realize i loved it / had that strong interest for the longest time b/c i just kind of figured everyone would feel that way (i never really felt that affinity or even theoretical interest towards like, acting in film though, which i suppose is the more "normal" version of acting, and if i was just experiencing The Default anyways, surely i would've. also there's no default ofc) and whether i could Only have some like, lively theatricality as this automatic way i am, it sure happens v naturally / spontaneously, like i'd have a very hard time not using my hands to illustrate everything / kind of interact w/my own thoughts spatially in real time, or making Big Expressions lol, probably don't have that big affect otherwise, sometimes when i'm like masking and do an "oh haha :)" stock response to someone and i'm not facing them it's like, my expression Is very unchanged from :I in that moment. cue every last thing that's like, easily this super mundane understandable reality for disabled people that's some horror media's "creative" cue like my god this person is too Inhuman of course they're going to kill me....just an elevated version of affirming how "normal" people already disdainfully feel abt Others(tm) irl??? horror could never :0 lmfao....as ever that i don't mind the genre in theory based on [scary on purpose] but that i dislike & disrespect so many tendencies & specific examples i really may as well say i dislike it. i don't come up w/ideas much but thinking like, horror short where you're just minding your own business, everyone else also acting "normal," but at any time inexplicably ppl suddenly lash out at you w/open aggression before everyone's quickly right back to "normal" & you're just supposed to continue??? like, that's [so someone's abusive], that's [so you're autistic]. wild how that overlaps (it's not)

also footnote abt how i even remembered the other day though that like, it's never felt right using [drawing] to do anything autobiographical or even to try drawing myself. obviously i wouldn't say the [me] in my very specific niche gay fanart of a "so true so verisimilitudinous" autistic fave over & over is very elusive or fathoms below the surface, even when transformative ideas & canon are not at all simply all like "wow exactly me," but that feels like less of a Conscious Translation than like, a diary comic or something like that would be, or god forbid the like pensive short essay through comic / illustration. that feels like translation as Masking, basically, like the process would feel artificial and like only an effort to make something more appealing and more inaccurate anyways. and like, the other way i talk about myself or convey the ideas i want to convey is just by talking or writing casually, just like so. and i also just think it's obvious like, Immediate Appeal is for the theoretical idea that oh ppl can just mask their way to Normalcy or choose to act right & be (almost) as good as Normal anyways, lol. that i don't want to do anything that feels like yet more Unilateral Effort to communicate and by trying to adopt whoever else's terms. like ofc being myself looks more like [do you like 1000 drawings of an extremely niche interest?] or [do you tolerate reading Short Essays in these bursts of verbal expression?] or perhaps not communicating b/c in practice it's generally punishing and it's like, when also people generally dislike / don't connect to you it's back at them b/c what else would it be, nothing's actually been unilateral the entire gd time

oh also being funny / using comedy deliberately as a more successful way to communicate is definitely a whole thing i'm onto too, but that could have its own paragraphs on paragraphs and it's already half past three while i mean to do something else, so. but it's also similar to everything else re language, theatricality, lol

[warningsine]

A few years ago, there was considerable anxiety in some quarters about “political correctness,” particularly at universities. Now it’s known as wokeness, and even though the terminology has changed, the concerns are much the same.

Some years ago, I offered an analysis of political correctness that equally pertains to wokeness today. What interests me are ways to think about and discuss political correctness/wokeness so as to avoid polarizing polemics and increase mutual understanding.

The goal is to help us all envision and create a more just and peaceful society by talking with each other rather than talking past each other.

‘Woke interventions’

Typically, “wokeness” and “woke ideology” are terms of abuse, used against a variety of practices that, despite their diversity, have a similar character. Often, what is dismissed as “woke” is a new practice that is recommended, requested, enacted or enforced as a replacement for an old one.

These practices range from changing the names of streets, institutions and buildings to determining who reads to pre-school children in libraries and altering the words we use in polite conversation.

When a practice is identified as “woke,” there is an implication that the non-woke practice is better or at least equally good. Thus the dismissal of something as “woke” is an endorsement of some alternative.

If we stop there, all we will see is a power struggle between progressive and conservative values. To dig deeper, I am going to share a particular case of calling out, or language policing, as an example of wokeness.

This incident happened to a Jewish friend of mine when we were students. She was directing a play about the Holocaust and, during auditions, a young woman casually used the word “Jew” to mean cheat. When my friend challenged this, the young woman asserted that it wasn’t offensive; it was just the way people from her town talked.

In the wrong

I use this example because I think it’s clear this young woman was in the wrong. My friend wasn’t being overly sensitive and was right to call her out.

But this example is also useful because it’s fairly typical of cases where someone attempts a “woke intervention” and it’s rejected — someone follows a practice that is common in their community, a “woke” intervenor calls it out, and the person responds not with an apology or even a question, but with outright dismissal.

Often, such responses come with an explicit criticism that the “woke” intervenor is over-sensitive, irrational or controlling. Sometimes, the original speaker claims victimization at being targeted, ironically displaying the hypersensitivity often attributed to people described as woke.

Three claims

In thinking about this and similar situations, it strikes me that woke interventions tend to share the same kinds of motivations. They boil down to the following three claims about the targeted practice that justify the woke intervention:

The practice is offensive to the members of a group to which it pertains;

The practice implies something that is false about this group and reflects and reinforces this inaccuracy;

The practice implicitly endorses or maintains unjust or otherwise pernicious attitudes about the group that facilitate discrimination and various other harms against them.

So, in my friend’s case, she was right to call out this young woman, who had insulted her to her face and implied something about the Jewish community that is not only false but dangerously and perniciously antisemitic.

Now, in any particular instance, it is an open question whether, in fact, a specific term or practice is offensive, inaccurate or facilitates discrimination. This is where the difficult work starts.

Real effort is required to learn to see injustices that are embedded in our ordinary language and everyday practices.

Social psychological work on implicit biases suggests that good intentions and heartfelt commitments are not enough. It takes integrity and courage to critically examine our own behaviour and engage in honest conversations with people who claim we have hurt them.

However, once we recognize what’s at stake, to dismiss something as woke is a refusal to even consider the possibility that the targeted practice might be offensive, premised on false or inaccurate claims or discriminatory or harmful.

Defensiveness

Often such refusals are grounded in defensiveness and embarrassment. I suspect many of us can recognize the young woman’s sense of shock, hurt and denial at being called out for her behaviour.

But for those who disagree with a woke intervention, the right response is not glib dismissal or bombastic accusations of “being cancelled.”

Rather — after a sincere attempt to understand the woke intervenor’s perspective and consider the relevant facts — the right response is a respectful, tempered explanation of why they believe their remarks or actions were neither premised on false claims nor discriminatory. An apology may be in order. After all, at the very least, one has inadvertently insulted someone.

If my analysis is correct, we can now see why the knee-jerk dismissal of something as “woke” is so nasty; it amounts to a self-righteous choice not only to insult or denigrate others but to protect one’s ignorance and support injustice.

Unless we learn to talk with each other rather than past each other, it’s difficult to see how we can ever achieve truly show our good will to each other.

[limestoner]

Thinking about why I have trouble distinguishing between different people’s voices on the phone, pick out a single person’s voice in a busy room, and have trouble remembering who told me what.

From infancy, my brain has a “file” on every word I have ever heard. Some files are fat: “the”, “me”, “and”. Some files are thin: got sidetracked trying to find the spelling of a word I remember hearing in a spelling bee. It sounded like /kaɲkılieɾəd/.

And that’s an example of how I seem to store every production of a word I ever hear. The way the sounds fit together. The way it can grammatically fit together with other words. Each word has “receptors” that only work with specified other words around them.

I remember feeling drawn to the crisp sounds in German: “sch,” “ß”, “w” as /v/. I still feel so comfortable — no, happy forming them.

When I talk to someone, my brain seems to:

1. Record a whole conversational turn.

2. Break down into sentences.

3. Break down into words.

4. Break down into sounds.

5. Add information acquired from new productions to the language files. Like the X Files but probably not at all really. I did it again. I can’t hear the meaning over the words.

6. Now I have new data points to add to rules about pronunciation, spelling, meanings, and grammatical construction.

7. This all happens instantly and without me thinking about it. What I do have to think about is making sure that I am mirroring the other person’s communication, and a good way to do that is by using the words they use and furthering the conversation by adding more.

8. But my brain does not seem to keep track of where the line is for “on topic” or “off topic.” I’m building with the same words but there is some other meaning that I can’t seem to access.

9. Meanwhile, I’m struggling to see what someone’s facial expression is telling me. I find facial expressions to be hard to distinguish, but when I make a social error and some has a strong reaction, it scares me. It’s like I can’t see faces unless it’s bad. It can take several seconds or more of “staring” at someone to tell if I recognize them or not and who they might be. I feel bad for not knowing who they are, so I’m hesitant to ask.

10. I like it when people who aren’t in my small inner circle remind me who they are when they approach. It helps my brain “set up” for the conversation.

11. If I hear or read: “We need to talk,” “Could you please call me?” “I have to tell you something later,” or the like, I’m filled with anxiety. I can’t prepare for the conversation, so I know I’ll take a long time forming responses, be entirely unable to modulate my tone or emotions, and may melt or shut down entirely, or leave the situation before I do.

12. And then sometimes I get to that situation and the person is like, “I just wanted to tell you that I couldn’t find that hot sauce you like.” Now I still have to craft an emotionally appropriate response that is calm even though my nerves are screaming because I had to be ready for ANYTHING.

13. These things happen fast enough that I’m usually able to come up with something satisfactory to respond with, but it feels like physical exertion in my nervous system. Too many unexpected communication situations and I lose my ability to communicate.

14. I like theatre because I have the words. I have the stage directions and blocking. I can enjoy an interaction with others and be in the moment because I don’t have to constantly check my words for associated physical behaviors that I have minimal or no control over.

15. When I combine words together, my face and body are trying to follow along, but they don’t always match. I don’t notice this, but others do.

I can still hear the different ways I’ve heard words pronounced and used. But because I was expending all my effort to make sure I look and sound “normal,” I can come away from conversations not knowing who I spoke to in any meaningful way. I love being on the stage, whether acting or lecturing. I can call up words I need across languages. I’m filled with fear when I know that back and forth social interaction lies ahead.

[frogeyedape]

That last addition is such a misunderstanding of what humanizing is. Pathologizing: I can't eat much of your honey glazed ham because I have diabetes (Blame the disease). Humanizing: I'd love more of the ham but I have to check my blood sugar first (Recognize emotions & deal with challenges).

Long explanation for anyone who wants it:

Pathologizing: attributing neurodivergent behavior to mental disease (works for physical disease/body differences, too!)

Humanizing: recognizing and celebrating strengths of neurodiversity while addressing challenges face by individuals & the community

Eg: autistic meltdown--pathologizing: I had a meltdown because I have autism vs humanizing: I was overwhelmed and overstimulated and X said Y and I melted down. X was frightened/overstimulated/annoyed by my meltdown. I can work on recognizing when I am becoming overstimulated and utilize coping skills (eg going to a quiet place to de-stress) as approriate. X can be told it's not their fault for asking Y and that I just need quiet sometimes, and offered things to do if another meltdown occurs or if warning signs are spotted (eg walk away/stop adding stimulation and/or coping skills for experienced distress at seeing someone else having a hard time)--critically, it doesn't need to be *me* explaining this to X, and X isn't *owed* an explanation of my personal diagnoses, but if I'm around X a lot it may help both of us to do so

It is an important and critical point that being neurodivergent does not absolve you of responsibility for what you choose to do and say. If you yell rude/mean things at a friend because of your neurodivergency/understandable human emotions, you were still rude/mean to your friend and your friend still did not deserve to be yelled at. It's not your fault you felt attacked/overwhelmed; if being mean was involuntary/completely not a choice it's not your fault but it IS your responsibility. Your responsibility to recognize if you hurt your friend's feelings & at least explain. If it was to any degree a choice--if you could've just yelled w/o words, or turned away, or screamed into a pillow/bag/your arm--then choosing to be mean instead is something you are at fault for, and you should apologize. Regardless of fault/choice, you are responsible for recognizing your behavior and learning how to cope/react/avert such situations better.

In the case of autistic meltdown, or another totally involuntary event: asthma attack, heart attack, diabetic shock, panic attack, epilepsy--NOT limiting this just to neurological/psych mediated events--you're not at fault for having something happen to you! You *are* responsible for your person & health, and should seek/engage with aids to manage your condition *within your ability*. EG managing diabetes might look like changing what you eat, monitoring your blood sugar regularly, regular doctor's visits and/or using insulin -- if you *can* do these things, it is your responsibility to do them--or in other words, you owe yourself diabetes care & management. It's not your fault if despite your best efforts you still go into glycemic shock or even just keep having high blood sugar.

Of course, society has a responsibility as well--and it falls short too often--to make it *possible* for everyone to take care of themselves/get care they need.

I would like to note the careful difference between responsibility (personal), responsibility (shared), and fault/blame. You are (personally) responisble for taking care of your health and managing your behavior/conditions. Society has a (shared) responsibility to take care of individuals who need it, ie each individual in society shares a part of societal responsibility to look out for their fellow humans. People are not at fault and should not be blamed or shamed for involuntary medical/psych events, AND are still responsible for doing what they can to take care of themselves or get needed care. *what they can* is gonna be different for everyone!

this is gonna be a really cool frame to apply to anyone with any mental illness stiffer than light social anxiety. can't wait to be berated for having an autistic meltdown and not taking personal responsibility for how much of a fucking bummer it is for everyone around me lmfao