#that our imperfections can be from a source of love

[winterarmyy]

Baby, Fever & Cuddles

Glimpses of the grumpy chubby alpha!bucky's love life.

Summary: When Y/N unexpectedly cancelled their date plan, Bucky’s troubled mind seemed to jump right into the worst case scenario, but the reality was not quite what he thought.

Navigation: Prequel || Main Story I || Main Story II || Main Story III

Pairing: chubby alpha!bucky x omega!female!reader

Words: 3.5k++

Warnings: a/b/o dynamics. fluffy and soft feels with our chubby!alpha!bucky.

P/S: My writing is quite rusty after months of not utilizing it, so forgive me for that. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy this short fic and happy reading! 🤍

Read my other works here: Masterlist

Bucky has been staring, or more accurately, glaring at the reflection of himself for far too long now. Completely distracted with the image on the mirror, he did not notice how his well-made bed is now crowded with piles of his clothing items.

Hoodies, jeans, dress-shirts and even the dinner suit that he got last year; they were all mixed up in an untamed way. He might need a couple of hours to re-organize those but it does not matter right now.

What matters is what should he wear for his second date with y/n? So far everything he tried on was either too fancy or too tacky. “For fuck’s sake, it’s just a coffee date. Just pick one and go, Jesus.” Bucky’s inner Alpha has been nagging him to get this over with, because he’s going to be late to the date, especially if he plans to pick-up a bouquet for her.

Now standing in his red Henley, which he deemed was appropriate, he could not look past the soft bulge on his stomach. The bright colour of the fabric did nothing to hide the unflattering shape of his belly. He twisted his body to the side and unintentionally grimaced at the sight.

Bucky instinctively sucked in a deep breath, trying to hide the extra fat of his body; giving a glance of the shadow of his past self when he was but a man with a well-built body.

Bucky sighed out the breath that held, and his belly naturally morphed into the original shape. He really can’t hide his imperfections; not his belly nor his prosthetic arm. As he stares at the source of his insecurities, he remembered the night of his first date with her;

"Because Bucky, you are as lovable as a person can be." She placed his palm on either side of her cheeks, purring as the sensation on skin felt so right, "And I am absolutely honoured and proud to be standing here with an alpha like you." She smiled like she was the happiest omega on earth.

His cheeks heats into shades of red and pink as the memories remind him of her; the softness of her skin against his palms, that cute little purr she made and her sweet scent that he was already addicted to.

Before the blood managed to rush further down to his spine, he shook off the unholy thoughts produced by inner alpha. Bucky glanced at the mess on his bed from the reflection of the mirror and let out a sigh before glaring at himself, “What are you so afraid of?”.

Now that he was standing in front of her apartment, Bucky suddenly remembered why.

His heart pounds, his palms were sweating within his leather gloves, his fingers fiddled with the delicate material of the bouquet wrappings. The second date is different compared to the first; there’s more expectation, which means there might be more disappointment awaits.

Not that he would be displeased with y/n but he is afraid that she will be with him. A few sweet words that she spoke on their first date might work to calm him down at the moment, but it is not enough to make his years worth of insecurity disappear completely.

Bucky gulped nervously as he lifted his hand towards the door; he knew that he was quite early from the promised time, but he couldn’t help it. As much as he is afraid of what will come, he was as excited to see her again. She had been occupying his mind like no other; he misses her. A lot.

When he was about to knock on the door, his phone rang. Slipping it out of his pocket, his phone almost fell from his hands, when he read the name on the caller’s placeholder. Y/N. He took a deep breath and slid the icon across the screen, “Hello. Hi” Bucky’s tongue was already tied with just two words out.

“Hi, Bucky.” she greeted with softly. That alone was enough make his heart skipped a beat. “Hi, y/n.” Bucky could not control the dreamy undertone in his voice, if only she could see the soft haze in his gaze, “What’s up?”

“Really, Bucky? ‘What’s up’?” he mentally scolded himself for this choice of words. A brief silence followed his question. “Was that… hesitation?” a thought popped at the back of his head. “Ummm, listen, Bucky…” her voice dripped with uncertainty.

Bucky’s fist around the stem of the bouquet got a little tighter when she continued, “..I’m sorry. But, I think we should cancel our plans today. Umm, some, uh, something came up and I think I can’t make it...” Her cryptic reasons were just a buzzing sound in his ear now.

What was he expecting? That this time it’ll be different? He’s finally gonna have the happy ending he deserves? No. Of course, not.

“What was I thinking?” Bucky’s head slightly lean forward as he try to recollect himself, “I understand.” He replied. y/n quickly apologised for her sudden decision but Bucky was not really listening.

He was just trying to clear out the dark clouds in head by leaning his head to the apartment door. But when his hand was trying to support his weight against the wall, he accidentally pressed the doorbell.

“Shit!” he cursed under his breath. Panic arose when y/n asked if he could hold for a minute while she get the door. “No wait! y/n don--”, a few milliseconds later, the door was wide open, revealing the omega who's been occupying his mind for weeks.

“Bucky?” Her eyes widened; shocked at first but morphed into a pleasant smile. “You’re here?” she was awfully in glee to see the alpha, especially when she saw the pretty bouquet of carnations in his hand. But the joy only lasted for a short moment, until she realised, “Don’t tell me you were already here when I called you…” a soft gasp came from the smaller, her eyes glistening with guilt.

Bucky thought that there’s no way to go about this other than telling the truth, “Yeah. I’m sure you have a good reason to cancel our date. And since you’re here, umm, here.” hands trembling, he extended the bouquet towards her, his gruff exterior softened by the shy smile on his lips, “….for you.”

y/n’s cheeks flushed with delight as she accepted the flowers, “Awww, Bucky.” She held the soft petals towards her face, inhaling the spicy clove-y scent. Reminded by the time she first met him, the corners of her lips curled upwards into a tender smile before looking up at him with a sparkle of alluring mischief in her gaze.

In that split second, something was triggered at the back of Bucky’s mind. It seemed like he had seen this view before. In fact, it is almost identical. Including this very moment, when she tiptoed upwards, her tender gesture of cupping one side his chubby cheek and her soft lips pressed on the other, "Thank you for the flowers, alpha." She whispered against his skin.

A pleasant shiver crawled all over his body, his cheeks heated up and his ears reddened. Bucky’s eyes soften into a hazy gaze that if she look closely, she might see hearts twinkling in his ocean blues.

He wanted more. More of her lips, more of her gentle touch. More of her.

When the omega looked up at him with that sweet smile on her lips, his inner alpha was ready to pounce on her and it was all from just that one innocent kiss, “You’re welcome, doll” His hand snaked around her waist, pulling her body close to his, “Glad you liked it.” He returned her kiss with his own, a gentle grab on the side of her head and a loving kiss on her cheek.

The omega purred in delight to his gesture, her hand instinctively went to grab on his shoulder; literally melting in his embrace when she lost her stance.

Good thing Bucky had his arms securely around her because if not she would’ve ended up on the floor. Bucky chuckled amusingly when he slowly led her body to lean back, almost dangling on his arm, as his kisses lingered on her jaw.

Before the sounds of their soft laughter could spread, the loud shrieking sound of a crying baby coming from y/n’s apartment startled both of them to a freeze. y/n was quick on her feet, “Oh no, Daisy.” she gasped as she broke out from Bucky’s loose grip.

“Come on in, Bucky.” she shouted when she entered the living room area. Bucky didn’t reject her offer, and stepped into the foyer. Closing the door behind him, he saw how some of her shoes were organised at the entrance; he quietly took off his shoes and slipped into one of the fuzzy guest slippers that was laid on the side.

Stepping further inside, he realised that this was his first time in y/n’s home. He felt a wave of warmth enveloped him like a comforting embrace. His eyes wandered around the corridor, noticing the photographs on the wall; each frame a snapshot of cherished moments frozen in time. Smiling faces gazed back at him, capturing the essence of love and laughter that filled the air.

As Bucky entered the living room, he was met with the sight of y/n tenderly coaxing a crying baby into calmness; swaying the little bundle to the rhythm of her quiet lullaby. His heart skipped a beat at the gentle scene, though he knew instinctively that the baby wasn't her own. Any other normal person would’ve thought the opposite. But the lack of semblance in their scent gave it away.

y/n glanced up, a mixture of apology and relief in her eyes. "This is Daisy, my next-door neighbour's baby girl," she explained, her voice soft with concern. "Her mother caught a high fever all of the sudden, and Mr.Scott is out of town for work.”

Bucky’s steps stopped when he reached by y/n’s side, “The couple is not from here. They just moved from the UK a few months ago. They don’t have any family here.” Bucky silently listened to her explanation as his eyes peered at the baby in her arms; now calmed and curious of the tall stranger next to y/n.

“I volunteered to care for her while the mother went for a checkup at the nearby medical centre." y/n explained as she softly wiped the remaining tears on Daisy's cheeks, "I'm sorry," y/n continued, her tone tinged with guilt. "I know it's selfish of me to cancel our date because of this."

Her teeth sunk into her bottom lips. “I could’ve suggested a day care or something. But instead, I took the job.” She chuckled when Daisy babbled some incoherent words.

Bucky quickly intercepted her before she could come up with other lines of unnecessary explanation. He shook his head, a gentle smile gracing his lips. "No, don't be," he reassured her, his gaze softened as the baby chortled gleefully. "I can see why it's hard to resist."

The atmosphere shifted into something else; sweet and warm until the sound of the oven timer went off. "And that would be my lunch burning," y/n remarked, relief evident in her tone. Without missing a beat, she passed Daisy into Bucky’s arms, and he instinctively cradled her close.

It was his first time holding a baby. He knows that babies are small, I mean everybody knows that. But he never realises how light they are. No wonder people say they are fragile.

When Bucky’s hand reached to touch Daisy’s cheeks, he realised that maybe handling a baby with leather gloves and jacket was probably not the best idea. He skillfully took them off while cradling the baby close to his chest.

When he was done stripping to Henley, he brought his fleshed finger and poked Daisy’s round cheek.

It's the softest thing he ever touched, he could not believe it. So, he does it again and again. Apparently it is amusing to Daisy that Bucky was playing with her cheeks, the little sweetheart squeal and chortle every time he poked his finger on her. There was no denying the fact that Bucky’s heart was tugged in several different directions whenever she shrieked in joy.

Bucky momentarily lifted his gaze and observed the chaos unfolding in the kitchen with a sense of understanding, then turned his attention back to baby Daisy, who gazed up at him with wide, adoring eyes. "How about I stay and help you babysit little Daisy?" he suggested, a warm smile playing on his lips. "Seems like you could use a helping hand."

Y/n’s eyes widened in surprise, touched by his offer. "You would do that?" she asked, her voice tinged with disbelief. "I don't see any reason not to," Bucky replied with a shrug. "We're…" his words halted when he thought about it, "…mates. No, not yet." his mind spoke. Stumbling over the word as he corrected himself. "You, You're my girl, after all."

A blush spread across y/n's cheeks at his words, butterflies fluttering in her stomach. "Plus, I think little Daisy wants me to stay," Bucky continued, “Don’t you, flower?” his smile grew as the baby chortled and gurgled in agreement.

So, both of them took the role of being temporary parents while getting to know more about each other. If Steve was there to see this scene he’d tear up from how beautiful it was. The way they naturally tend to each other’s every need and how natural their chemistry clicked.

It was so effortless, as if they were two pieces of a puzzle finally finding their perfect fit. From the moment they stepped into the cosy haven of Daisy's world, there was an unspoken understanding between them, a shared connection that transcended mere words.

And the time flows like a gentle stream, Bucky and y/n found themselves swept up in the rhythm of their newfound relationship, even in the chaos of taking care of Daisy. Hours and hours passed, and when the sun set in the horizon, they nestled on the floor, a makeshift fortress of pillows and blankets cocooned them from the harsh reality of the outside world. Daisy, the tiny bundle of joy they were entrusted to care for, lay peacefully cradled in y/n’s arms.

As Bucky watched y/n’s gently sway with Daisy, he couldn't help but marvel at the tenderness in her touch. Her eyes sparkled with maternal warmth, a sight that stirred something deep within him. He had never seen such a sight before – so serene, so utterly captivating.

Daisy, in her innocence, reached out with tiny hands, her curious gaze fixating on Bucky’s metal fingers. With a playful gleam in her eyes, she chomped down on the cold material, eliciting a surprised yelp from Bucky. y/n chuckled softly, her laughter like music to his ears.

"Looks like Daisy's taken a liking to you," y/n remarked, her voice soft and affectionate.

Bucky grinned, gently wiggling his fingers out of Daisy’s mouth. His swift movement to wipe the string of saliva from Daisy’s mouth makes it look like Bucky was an experienced father, "Seems that way. Guess I'll have to watch out for that scary toothless mouth of hers."

The moment stretched on, each passing second filled with a quiet intimacy that seemed to enveloped them in a world of their own. Y/n leaned back against a mound of pillows, Daisy nestled contentedly against her chest. Bucky lay beside them, his gaze drifting between his omega and the sleepy child cooing on her chest.

Y/n's gaze lifted, her eyes meeting Bucky’s with a soft, shy smile playing on her lips. As she nestled further into the warmth of Daisy's soft head, a gentle blush crept across her cheeks, adding a rosy hue to her already radiant complexion.

In that moment, Bucky found himself lost in thought. He couldn't shake the feeling of déjà vu that washed over him, a fleeting memory of a similar scene with another woman.

It can’t be. She was a beta and y/n is an omega. It would be impossible. But what if…

"What’s on your mind, Bucky?" she asked, her voice soft and quiet as she settled Daisy into her crib for a nap before sliding back into his arms. Bucky wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close.

"I was just thinking..." Bucky began, his voice trailing off as he searched for the right words. "Yes?" y/n's voice was a soft melody, laced with curiosity as she looked up at him. Bucky hesitated, unsure how to articulate the thoughts swirling in his mind. "Have we met before?" he finally asked, his tone tinged with uncertainty.

A playful grin danced across y/n's lips as she teased, "I don't know. Have we?"

Bucky felt a pang of surprise at her cheekiness, but he pressed on, recounting the memory of rescuing a girl from a dangerous situation in a park. "I can't help but see similarities between her and you," he admitted, his browdls furrowing with concern. "So, you think that I'm her?" y/n's tone was light, teasing, but there was a hint of something more beneath the surface.

He hesitated, grappling with the uncertainty of his own memories. "I'm not sure...I never saw her face," he confessed, his voice tinged with regret. Y/n rolled her eyes playfully, a mischievous glint in her gaze. "Took you long enough to notice," she quipped, her words laced with humour.

Shocked with the revelation, his words stumbled, "But, but she's a beta, and you're..."He trailed off, his voice trailing as he struggled to find the right words. "An omega. Always was, still am," She finished for him, a knowing smile playing on her lips.

"But your scent?" Bucky questioned, his confusion evident in his voice, “It changed?”

"Scent blockers," She explained simply, her tone softening as she reached out to brush a stray lock of hair away from his face. "It's a long story, we'll get there soon enough. But for now..." She trailed off, her gaze meeting his with a warmth that sent shivers down his spine. "How have you been, Alpha?"

Bucky felt his heartstrings pull at the affection in her words, and without hesitation, he pulled her close, burying his face in the crook of her neck as he inhaled her scent deeply. "Better. Much better, 'mega," he murmured, his voice filled with a tenderness that spoke volumes.

Bucky briefly pulled away from her, their eyes locked in a silent exchange and he felt a surge of tenderness wash over him, his heart swelling with affection for this beautiful woman who had stolen his heart. He reached out instinctively, brushing a stray lock of hair away from y/n's face, his touch as gentle as a whisper.

As Bucky leaned in closer, the soft brush of his breath against y/n's lips sent a thrill through her. His eyes, filled with a gentle intensity, held hers captive as he closed the distance between them. With a tender touch, he pressed his lips softly against hers, a delicate caress that ignited a spark between them.

In that moment, time seemed to stand still as their lips met in a sweet and innocent kiss. She felt a rush of warmth flood through her, enveloping her in a cocoon of bliss. His kiss was like a gentle breeze on a warm summer day, soft and inviting, yet undeniably electrifying.

As they melted into each other's embrace, she lost herself in the sensation of his lips against hers; his hands rubbing the naked skin underneath her shirt.

While she was floating in the clouds, Bucky was at the brink of his sanity. He wanted to make his claim on her, to have her entirely to himself. and when the kiss deepened, he couldn’t contain his needy growl. His thick thigh naturally settled in between hers, gently guiding her hips down and her heat against the layer of his jeans.

Y/n herself could feel the steady beat coming from between her thighs, she was pretty sure Bucky could feel it too. Of course he could, and he enjoyed the symphony of longing and desire that pulsed against his thigh. If she ever snuck her tiny hands on his crotch, she would know how much he enjoyed her soft lips; and her pretty princess part.

Just as things began to heat up, a soft whine emanated from Daisy's crib, breaking the spell and bringing them back to reality. They pulled away from each other with shared laughter, their cheeks flushed with embarrassment as they realised they had been caught in the act by their tiny charge.

She glanced over at Daisy with a fond smile, her heart swelling with affection for the little interrupter. "So much for a second date, huh?" she joked, her tone laced with amusement.

Bucky met her gaze with a grin of his own, his eyes twinkling with mirth. "I wouldn't want it any other way," he replied, his voice filled with sincerity; they shared a final kiss, a promise of more to come, before turning their attention back to Daisy, who had already drifted back into a peaceful slumber.

As they settled back into their makeshift nest on the floor, Bucky and y/n knew that their love story was just beginning – a tale of unexpected encounters, stolen kisses, and the sweet promise of a future together.

End.

Read my other works here: Masterlist

A/N: im in my soft feels latelyyyyy and i miss this couple 😭 anyway, i hope you enjoyed this short fic 🤍

[yuff7e]

Yay! Okay so I'm gonna try this.

Could I please request Tanjiro, Inosuke, Giyu, and Sanemi with a demon male reader with:

...Damaged horns?

Bit of a backstory:

He's a kind demon with healing blood that can cure any illness and help to heal any injury. This also got him to be caught and held captive by humans and "work" in one of the local hospitals. And also because he was a demon and people hate demons.

People treated him badly, putting cuffs and chains on his feet, hands, and mainly on his horns, damaging them in the process. After some time people realized he's not bad and both sides made an arrangement...reader will have a source of food and shelter while continuing to help humans.

His horns used to be long, shiny, and just pride itself but now they look even worse than a rock by a sidewalk. Not only does it affect his self-esteem but it also causes him bad headaches.

The request:

Reader is healing slayers's small injuries until a headache strikes and our demon slayers comfort him (they know about his past and self-esteem) and show a gentle love to his horns as well. Maybe how would they show their love and care to reader and his horns differently.

Also the demon change made reader as closely tall as Gyomei, no matter the gender (if you decide to make this genderneutral).

Thank you so much for the opportunity. 🩷🩷

𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒: 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐄𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐒

𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

— heyy charliedakotariley!! sorry this took forever, i’ve been a bit inactive these past few days but im slowly coming back!! i hope this was what you wanted, enjoy :)

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐝

tanjiro -> inosuke -> giyuu -> sanemi

♬♪ -> lıllılı.ıllı.ılılıı

tanjiro kamado

you’re kneeling beside a wounded villager, your healing blood working its magic to close the injury. as the skin begins to knit together, you suddenly feel a sharp headache, causing your large frame to tremble.

“are you alright, [name]?” tanjiro’s voice is soft and filled with concern as he notices your distress.

“just a headache,” you manage to say, trying to brush it off, but tanjiro isn’t convinced. he’s aware of your past, the harsh treatment you endured, and how it has left its mark on you, especially your horns. without hesitation, he places a gentle hand on your shoulder and helps you to sit down.

“let me see,” he says softly. he carefully touches your horns, feeling the rough, jagged edges where they have been damaged. his touch is tender, almost reverent, as he explores the scars.

“it’s okay,” tanjiro whispers, his voice soothing. “you don’t have to be strong all the time. you’re allowed to hurt.”

his fingers trace the grooves and ridges of your horns with a delicate touch, not shying away from the damaged parts. instead, he focuses on them, showing you that he loves every part of you, including your scars and imperfections. you can’t help but feel a deep sense of comfort from his care.

you close your eyes, allowing yourself to lean into his touch. the warmth of his hands begins to ease the tension in your head, filling you with a sense of peace that you haven’t experienced in a long time. tanjiro’s presence is calming, and his compassion is healing in itself.

“thank you,” you murmur, your voice thick with emotion, feeling tears of gratitude well up.

“you’re not alone,” tanjiro replies with a reassuring smile. “i’m here for you, always. no matter what.”

inosuke hashibira

inosuke barges into the room, his usual boisterous demeanor suddenly faltering when he sees you clutching your head in pain. the injured demon slayer, whom you’ve been healing, looks on with concern.

“hey, what’s wrong with you?” inosuke demands, though the worry in his voice betrays his tough exterior.

“it’s just...a headache,” you manage to say, your voice strained from the pain. inosuke’s frown deepens, and without saying another word, he stomps over and sits beside you.

“let me see,” inosuke says gruffly, his voice softer now. he reaches out to touch your horns, his touch surprisingly gentle as he traces the jagged edges. he’s heard about the mistreatment you suffered, and he knows how much it still affects you.

“they hurt, don’t they?” inosuke asks, his voice uncharacteristically calm.

you nod, unable to speak through the pain. inosuke’s rough fingers continue their gentle exploration, not flinching away from the scars. he looks at you with an intensity that softens as he continues.

“you’re strong,” inosuke says after a moment, his voice filled with genuine admiration. “stronger than anyone i know.”

the unexpected praise catches you off guard. you look up to see inosuke staring at you with fierce determination, and his sincerity is almost overwhelming.

“don’t let anyone make you feel less,” inosuke continues. “your horns, your scars, they’re part of you. and i like you the way you are. don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

the sincerity in inosuke’s words brings tears to your eyes. you lean into his touch, letting the pain ebb away, feeling a new sense of acceptance and warmth from his words.

“thank you, inosuke,” you whisper, your voice choked with emotion.

“yeah, yeah. just don’t forget it,” inosuke grunts, though there’s a softness in his tone.

giyuu tomioka

giyuu watches as you finish healing his wound, the cut on his arm closing seamlessly. he notices the moment you wince, your large frame jolting slightly from the pain of your headache.

“is something wrong?” giyuu asks, his voice calm and even, his eyes never leaving you.

“it’s nothing, just a headache,” you reply, though giyuu can see through your attempt to downplay it. he’s aware of your past, the mistreatment you’ve faced, and how it has left lingering effects, including the headaches. without a word, he moves closer and helps you sit down.

“let me help,” giyuu says softly. he reaches out to touch your horns, his fingers tracing the jagged edges with a tenderness that belies his usually stoic exterior. his touch is light, almost reverent, as he feels the damage.

you tense at first, but giyuu’s gentle touch quickly soothes you. the pain in your head starts to fade, replaced by a soothing warmth. giyuu’s presence is calming, and his compassion is deeply comforting.

“your horns are beautiful,” giyuu says quietly, his eyes meeting yours with genuine affection. “they show your strength, your resilience. don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. they’re a part of you, and that’s something to be proud of.”

the sincerity in giyuu’s voice brings tears to your eyes. you’ve never heard such words spoken about your horns, never felt such gentle acceptance and care. it’s a balm to your wounded spirit.

“thank you,” you whisper, your voice thick with emotion.

giyuu simply nods, his fingers still tracing the contours of your horns. “you’re not alone. i’m here for you, no matter what.”

sanemi shinazugawa

sanemi watches as you heal the wound on his leg, the torn flesh knitting back together under your touch. he notices the moment you wince, flinching from the headache.

“what’s wrong?” sanemi asks, his voice rough but laced with concern.

“it’s just a headache,” you reply, trying to brush it off. but sanemi isn’t convinced. he knows about your past, the mistreatment you endured, and how it has left you with lingering effects, including these painful headaches. without a word, he moves closer and helps you sit down.

“let me see,” sanemi says gruffly. he reaches out to touch your horns, his fingers surprisingly gentle as he traces the jagged edges. he feels the rough, scarred surface with a careful touch, his usual harshness softened by an unspoken empathy.

“they did this to you,” sanemi says quietly, his voice filled with a mix of anger and sorrow.

you nod, unable to speak through the pain. sanemi’s touch is surprisingly tender, his rough hands moving with care and precision. his gaze is intense, but there’s a gentleness in his actions that contrasts with his usual demeanor.

“your horns are a part of you,” sanemi says after a moment, his voice softening. “they’re a sign of your strength, your resilience. don’t let anyone make you feel less. they’ve tried to hurt you, but you’ve survived. that’s something to be proud of.”

the sincerity in sanemi’s words brings tears to your eyes. you lean into his touch, letting the pain fade away, feeling a newfound sense of acceptance and understanding.

“thank you.” you whisper, your headache fading almost instantly.

sanemi simply nods, his fingers still tracing the contours of your horns. “you’re not alone. i’m here for you.”

[raayllum]

She Must Pay the Price, or A Drop of Mercy :: A Rayla and Leola Meta

Quick:

You're a young elven girl, and you show mercy and compassion to a human that you definitely weren't supposed to. When it's found out, you're punished, with elves even calling for your execution (6x09, book 1 novelization). Your father does what he can, but there's only so much. You're put on trial. You're found guilty regardless of intent, and only by association. You die for this; you die for them. You're a star. A guiding light. There's even a Great Fall off a precipice (though only one of you hits the ground).

Your name is Leola, or Rayla.

You're the beginning and the end, respectively.

So let's talk about it.

Tests of Love

For years, I had wondered where Aaravos' assessment of "Those who fail tests of love are simple animals. They deserve to be motivated by fear" (2x09) came from, cause you don't drop in a line like that if it's not going somewhere. It's quite a statement and worldview, after all. Now, with Leola's trial, it seems we know.

We can see, then, perhaps that Leola's gift giving was the first test of love — are you willing to break the Natural Law, the Natural Order of things? — to help another? To show another a source of power in order to share, to be compassionate, and in Rayla's case, to be merciful (though we'll get more to that in a minute).

We also know that the love Leola had was powerful and all encompassing:

She didn't care to follow the order set in the stars. Though she was born an immortal being from the Heavens, she loved this world... and all its flaws. Her heart was warm and open.

And she befriended mortals. Animals, elves... and humans.

ETHARI: Who I love, where I love, what I love, are all specific. But to Runaan and those like your parents... love is rooted in all families, all creatures. Souls like that feel called to protect everyone as fiercely as those they hold close. (Bloodmoon Huntress)

Okay, so Leola and Rayla both have big compassionate hearts and befriend creatures from all over the place. So what? So do Callum, Ezran, Soren, and most of our other main good guy characters. Even Claudia to a degree (though she could work on not using magical creatures for spell parts).

Well, specifically, it's because of how they intersect currently more with anyone else on the concept of

Mercy

KOSMO: Daughter of the Moon, yours is a wondrous heart. In a moment of mercy, you sent ripples out into the ocean of time. Ripples that have not yet stilled. (6x05)

Rayla sparing Marcos, as noted in multiple interviews by the creators and by myself in previous metas, is ultimately the inciting incident / lynchpin of the entire series. Without it, there would've been no soulfang proposal or Ez running away to find the egg or any of the number of other elements that had to come together to make achieving peace possible.

While we still have details to discover regarding Aaravos' Fall and development of dark magic, we know that a lack of mercy was ultimately what sent him on his path of vengeance. Leola was not shown mercy, and while it seems there were already "flaws" for an imperfect world, things were (probably) better than they currently are in Xadia in a variety of ways. Then, to kick off the entire Saga, we have Rayla sparing Marcos in a soundtrack literally titled "Mercy" and have Kosmo, seasons and seasons later, spell out directly what a big deal this was for well, the ocean of time.

None of this is to say Rayla can't act out of revenge — she did ("when I first came here, I was on a mission for revenge") and she has ("but I became so obsessed with revenge"), much like Aaravos ("he isn't doing anything out of love, he's doing it for revenge") — but that her general compassion and love for others has always been stronger than her grief or rage, and that even when she had every social and personal reason to, she was and is fundamentally unable to hurt someone innocent.

Even when she's shamed or punished for it by herself or by others. RAYLA: The human looked up at me, and I saw the fear in his eyes. RUNAAN: Of course he was afraid, but you a job to do! (1x01)

EZRAN: Yeah, but then you saw he was scared, and you knew he was a person, just like you. RAYLA: That shouldn't have mattered. I had a job to do. (1x08)

The Cosmic Council — and to a degree, the Silvergrove — say that the reasonings or motivations, the intentions, behind Leola and Rayla's actions do not and should not matter when it comes out to doling 'Justice'. So Leola faces her justice, being literally killed in the one manner that can kill a Startouch elf, and so does Rayla, being metaphorically Ghosted / 'murdered' by her community, regardless.

Neither are enough to ultimately quell their light or their love/power, however.

A Star

RAYLA: That beautiful shining star you just pointed out? We call it Leola's Last Wish. (5x02)

So both Leola and Rayla are stars in season 6, literally and metaphorically respectively. Leola's is more self-explanatory, whereas Rayla's is mostly about the role she has in Callum's life as a guiding light and star. I don't think it's a coincidence, though, that just as Rayla placed Callum on his path of being a primal mage, though, that Leola did the same for humanity. I also don't think it's a coincidence that Callum's love for Rayla restores Callum's own light and agency amid Leola giving humanity the same through light and fire.

It happened long ago, when humans had only just learned to hold fire in their hands without burning. They nurtured their precious primal flames secretly—in the dark of night, beneath shadows and shrouds—as cultivating its glow drew the eyes and ire of monsters. Eventually, for the audacity of their fire, they were hunted, and—though they looked to the stars for salvation—the stars, too, looked down upon them with disdain. Humanity had been given something it was never meant to have. (TDP shorts, Ripples)

In this way, we see the manifestation of a repeating parallel of Rayla representing Leola, a gift giver of life, magic, light, unjustly punished/killed, and Callum representing humanity, looking to the kindest brightest star for guidance, magic, restoration, and salvation if he's just given the chance to grasp it. After all, presumably, Leola's last wish would have something to do with primal magic and humanity, and who represents that better than Callum, with two arcana under his belt and possibly more on the way? With that in mind, I want to return to another quote from earlier but with a different focus on

Ripples

Daughter of the Moon, yours is a wondrous heart. In a moment of mercy, you sent ripples out into the ocean of time. Ripples that have not yet stilled.

The wisest of the humans looked upon the water. His own reflection smiled back at him, and he dared to imagine what such power would feel like in his own hands, should he be allowed to hold it. Imagine, he thought, if I were more than what I am. With a trembling hand he touched the surface of the water. Ripples spread from his fingertips. [...] I hope the stars were watching. I hope they saw it: the moment their perfect reflections turned warped and ruined, churned to chaos by the touch of a single human hand. In this, the humans taught me another lesson. And so I touch the surface of the water. I watch the ripples spread.

Water in TDP is a strange beast, symbolically speaking. There are some more straight forward motifs (reflections, "don't try to control where the river [of life] goes, there's one thing you can know and control: yourself"). For Aaravos, it's connected to deep loss but also his own sense of patience in playing and winning his game, as illustrated above. For Rayla, it's linked to shame, self-reflection, bravery, and loss. Aaravos weeps and creates a sea upon losing Leola; Rayla says goodbye to her family by the lotus pond times three.

We don't know what water represents for Leola. Not distinctly, anyway. The best we can figure though, is that by following the through line of the Rayla and Leola parallels, that the ripples Leola wanted to send out or did send out — not the distortions caused by her father and his grief — are ones that Rayla received, and then continued.

Rayla has always been a foil to Aaravos, and this hasn't changed. She is the one who set Callum on the path initially of being a mage, which put him in Aaravos' machinations as prey; she retrieved his Key; and she's the reason Callum's done dark magic, twice. At the same time, much like the moon, Rayla carries Leola's light as much as she shoulders Aaravos' dark. She literally represents light in Callum's life, helps lead him through the darkness, and him being a primal mage and it's possible growth to other humans is the best possible thing that could've ever happened to Xadia.

Sol Regem says that "no one can save" Xadia or fix what is deeply broken. The Cosmic Council said that Leola had broken the Cosmic order and had to pay the price. Rayla has repeatedly been willing to pay the price for both hers and other's actions in hopes of making things right, of sparing others' pain. Sometimes to her detriment, but—if Rayla as Callum's one Truth could fix the darkness within him, if she's the lynchpin for breaking the Cycle, for bringing back Runaan and fixing her family's souls, in opposing and presenting mercy amid the Council's lack of mercy, in the face of Xadia's violence—

Then Rayla's act of mercy in 1x01, and potentially beyond in S7 with Callum, will be what fixes Xadia.

Leola's gift of magic is what 'broke' Xadia, and her execution is what literally did so, leading to the division of the continent. She wrongly paid the price in the absence of mercy and love. Rayla is therefore her thematic successor — welcomed this time as Light and Truth — as the carrier of Mercy and Love, and she will 'fix' Xadia through her ripples and dynamics. She will mend them back together. There will, at last, be no price to pay.

Misc. Thoughts / Predictions

One thing I was always curious about going forward into future seasons was the prospect of a 'trial' or reunification of the Silvergrove. It felt like a no-brainer the Silvergrove would have to change in order to reflect Runaan's character arc, much the way we see Katolis and the Sunfire elves change to better accommodate the new, more compassionate world order. Pre-S4 a trial felt a little strange as an idea, though post-S4 the parallels it could provide to the Lucia tribunal made more sense about why include either (or both).

However, Leola's trial seemed to hammer home the almost necessity (as this is still a prediction, after all, that may not happen) of Rayla and/or Runaan saying their peace to the Silvergrove leaders. This would be a great opportunity to provide a contrast to the Cosmic Council, reaffirming that Xadia is ultimately better than them because the Moonshadow elves and everyone else can change, and the Cosmic Council seemingly cannot or will not. But I guess we'll have to wait for S7 or beyond (#GiveUsTheSaga) to find out if this'll come to fruition or not.

I also wanted to touch on what we see with Leola ("I'm so scared!") and the repeated emphasis on "recognizing fear as a moment of empathy and personhood" and the horror that can come if you don't have that moment of recognition. This is something I've touched on before most notably as a striking difference between S1 Rayla and S5 Claudia, but I thought it was worth mentioning as S6 added to it specifically with Viren towards Soren and Lissa. This is another point in the "Rayla is an inversion of the Council's lack of mercy" column, as Leola's — a child's fear, and Aaravos willing to pay the price and take her place — earns her no mercy. Rayla, meanwhile, sees someone innocent that she has 'every right' to execute is afraid of her, and that strays her hand; it steadies her sword, and she spares him. Because if someone is afraid of you, it's worth asking yourself why, and what you might want to do instead.

Last but not least I wanted to talk about Leola's parallels to Callum and Ezran as well, since they are very much there (though yet not perhaps to the same extent).

Ezran has Leola's friendliness to animals and soft heart. He too is a child whose death is called for as a means of Justice, and he is granted mercy through Rayla and the discovery of the egg, able to live and grow and help usher in peace. He is, I think, what Leola might've been allowed to be if she'd lived in different times. Callum, meanwhile, carries the gift giving motif through his cube, staff, and tokens he both gives to (moon-phoenix bracelet) and receives (the moon opal necklace) from Rayla, and previous 'human-Leola' magic dynamic. Callum being able to break free fully from Aaravos' and dark magic's control in S7 and turn his eye instead to primal magic will be what helps bring true justice to Leola and hope for humanity / Xadia in righting the Cosmic Council's fundamental wrongdoing. Hopefully, anyway.

Conclusion

I hope you enjoyed this deep dive into some parallels and potential narrative goings-on between Leola and Rayla as characters. TDP loves its historical and ironic layers in TDP (Ez and the Orphan Queen, Viren's arc from S1 to S6) and I think this layered thematic dynamic between the two merciful young girls was a good, brilliant choice by the creative team. I'm excited to see where this thematic thread goes in the future and how it may continue to be woven into the story. As always, thank you for reading, and I'll see you in the next one.

[sitp-recs]

Hi hello how are you!! I feel like I’d seen a competence kink list you did some time ago, but I can’t seem to find it on your masterlists :( I’m wondering if maybe it’s lost or I’m imagining things lol?

And if not, I would be sooo grateful if you or your followers had any recs for me :) Thank you so much, love your blog!

Hi anon! I did this list with talented Harry (beyond his job) but here are some classic competence kink recs:

Competent Draco:

The Slytherin Urn by @icmezzo (E, 4k)

Nothing turns Harry on quite like redemption.

The Study of Change by p1013 (M, 4k)

Harry's going to hell. He's going to hell immediately. Even with all of the good he's done in his life, he's never going to overcome the impure thoughts racing through his head at the sight of Draco Malfoy looking like an academic wet dream in a room full of barely legal adults.

A Song, Incomplete by RurouniHime (E, 11k)

Draco’s photograph took up the entire top half of the Prophet’s front page. Below the photo: DRACO MALFOY DEFENDS SON OF FORMER LOVER. As if that were breaking news.

Countdown by dysonrules (M, 14k)

When the Wizarding world is plagued by random outbreaks of Dark Magic, the Ministry assigns Curse-Breakers to assist Auror teams on their missions. Harry shouldn't be surprised when Draco Malfoy is assigned to his team, but is Malfoy a Curse-Breaker, or a curse-bringer?

A Year in Training by Omi_Ohmy (M, 25k)

Harry is finally living his dream and training as an Auror, but nothing seems to be going right: he’s just so angry all the time. And Draco Malfoy’s presence on the programme really isn’t helping with that, either.

measures of our days and nights by @flimsi (E, 40k)

Draco returns to London to help the Ministry decipher a spell, but things aren’t quite as simple as they seem.

Heal Thyself by astolat (T, 47k)

"Are you going for the course?" Lovegood asked. "You have the NEWTs.” “What course?” Draco said, then, “No, don’t be ridiculous,” when he realized she meant the notice pinned up on the board he’d been staring at: Applicants To The Introductory Mediwizard Course For The Coming Term Shall Present Themselves In The Chief Mediwizard’s Office By August 24th.

The Vanishing Department by @dictacontrion (E, 47k)

The things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, even if that involves a lot more form-filling, bickering, covert glancing, miscommunication, and flying furniture than we might expect.

Take the Air by dysonrules (M, 51k)

Someone or something is attacking Muggles and leaving them for dead. Auror Harry Potter is assigned to the case, but with his usual partner unavailable, he is stuck with the most annoying Auror ever to walk the halls of the Ministry.

The Darkness Before the Dawn by Ren (E, 55k)

A mysterious creature is loose in London, stalking and killing people. Auror Harry Potter requests the help of a liaison from the Beast Division and gets saddled with Draco Malfoy. Will they be able to stop the creature before it claims more lives?

Kept in Cages by @sweet-s0rr0w (E, 77k)

Deep in the heart of the Ministry lies the Beast Division: a hidden room where ancient beasts roam, and winged creatures soar, and grumpy giant ferrets eat all your biscuits unless you keep them well hidden. Draco Malfoy would know – he’s been working there for five years now, after all.

Reparations by Saras_Girl (E, 87k) - both

Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places.

Balance, Imperfect by bixgirl1 (E, 91k) - both

When Harry sustains an injury in the line of work, he no longer knows how to navigate the life he loved, and finds help and solace from the most unexpected source.

All Our Secrets Laid Bare by firethesound (E, 149k) - both

Over the six years Draco Malfoy has been an Auror, four of his partners have turned up dead. Harry Potter is assigned as his newest partner to investigate just what is going on.

Competent Harry:

Unfinished Business by cupiscent (E, 20k)

Ten years after the War ends, Harry and Draco still haven't got their act together. But maybe it's not too late.

Better To Burn Than To Fade Away by Ren (E, 23k)

Harry Potter is a legend in the world of broomstick racing. He's won almost every cup, trophy, and bowl – except for the historical London-Nome which has been on hiatus for the past several years. Now the London-Nome is starting again, and Harry will do anything to pull off one last big win.

Safe As Houses by @xanthippe74 (T, 24k)

After five years abroad, Harry’s thrilled to be home and working at the most prestigious ward-building firm in Britain. But everything gets turned upside down when he's assigned to work for Draco Malfoy—who somehow grew up to be just the sort of sexy bastard Harry goes for.

The Unplottable Time Conundrum by @writcraft (E, 45k)

When the past starts bleeding into the present at Grimmauld Place, an old academic article pulls Draco Malfoy out of his life of luxury. Haunted by the memory of a fleeting post-war kiss and thrust into the ghostly spaces inhabited by Unspeakable Harry Potter, Draco’s easy life is about to get a whole lot more complicated.

REVOLVEVLOVER by firethesound, zeitgeistic (E, 46k)

The work Harry does is justifiable. It’s justice. He works for his country, and his country is a republic—the magical side, anyway. It’s not laudable work, it’s not work he’s proud of, but it’s necessary work. Harry has always taken the necessary jobs that no one else has the stomach for.

The Boy Who Only Lived Twice by lettered (E, 54k)

Harry Potter is an Unspeakable. Draco Malfoy is the wizard who shagged him. Adventure! Intrigue! Secret identities, celebrities, spies! It's all right here, folks.

Timecode by Rasborealis (M, 73k)

Harry Potter has been dead for two years, and Draco would laugh in the face of anyone claiming differently. Well, anyone but Hermione Granger.

Among Ancient Pines by @graymatters (M, 74k)

Every day, Draco Malfoy tries. With every fiber of his being he tries. But he doesn’t much think about what he’s trying for. In his final term of Healer training, Draco is unfortunate enough to find himself on a plane, the only means of traveling to a small, magical town in rural Alaska.

Azoth by @lol-zeitgeistic (E, 88k)

Now that Harry is back at Hogwarts with Hermione for eighth year, he realises that something’s missing from his life, and it either has to do with Ron, his boggart, Snape, or Malfoy. Furthermore, what, exactly, does it mean when one’s life is defined by the desire to simultaneously impress and annoy a portrait? Harry has no idea; he’s too busy trying not to be in love with Malfoy to care.

Who we are in the shadows by @quicksilvermaid (E, 100k) - both

What happens when you’re forced to become the very thing you despise? Ex-Auror Harry Potter, tossed out of the Ministry for something he had no control over, has been looking for a way back to his former life. When he comes across Draco Malfoy in the criminal underbelly of Wizarding London and in need of protection, Harry figures bringing him in to face the Ministry's justice is his ticket back to everything he's lost.

By the Grace by lettered (T, 140k)

Harry is an Auror instructor. Malfoy wants to be an Auror.

[lycandrophile]

sorry about the out of nowhere ask but i thought id note something minor ive seen around: a lot of the time (especially on reddit) theres a lot of positivity for specifically trans women, and very little for trans men. and if a trans man/transmasc person tries to comment on that they get ridiculed for it. but then if someone posts transmasc positivity at all, people in the comments of that post will talk about how there "isnt enough positivity for trans women" despite the fact that most of the positivity posted is for trans women. i dont know, just something weird (it could also just be because reddit is kinda really different, environment-wise, but considering theres been similar things pretty much. everywhere else. yeah)

i do think a lot of this has to do with demographics – from what i've seen, reddit tends to have more trans women than trans men, so it doesn't surprise me to see more posts that are geared toward trans women there.

tl;dr because this got super long: people are right to say that there isn't enough positivity for trans women, but there also isn't enough for trans men. the fact that so many of us are ridiculed for trying to put more out there is the real problem.

at the end of the day, there really isn't enough positivity for any trans people because most of the world either hates us or wants to forget we exist. we have our little pockets of community where we support each other and lift each other up, but until the rest of society gets on board, it'll never be enough. so even in spaces where there's more positivity for trans women than for trans men, they're absolutely right to say there isn't enough positivity for trans women! and that's why i don't inherently have a problem with spaces like that – trans joy and positivity is always a good thing and always needed, and spreading that for part of the community doesn't take away from the rest of the community, it just means there's some of us are bit closer to getting the kind of love and support they deserve than they were before, and that's a good thing! you can't make everything for everyone, but if we all work at lifting each other up, eventually it'll all balance out and we'll all be better off for it. so if you happen to find a space that's for all trans people but tends to be more geared toward trans women when it comes to positivity, instead of getting caught up in how much positivity for trans women is already there, i think the best thing to do is to add positivity for trans men! we're the ones who lift each other up, so if we see a gap in the support, we're the ones with the power to step in and fill that gap.

and i can honestly understand why trans women in those spaces might get defensive or upset if someone points out the amount of positivity for trans women as if it's a bad thing, even if what that person is actually trying to say is just that they wish there was more for trans men too. i can't really blame anyone for that defensiveness because i feel the exact same way when people point out the amount of positivity for trans men&mascs here as if it's a bad thing, even though i know a lot of them are really just expressing in an imperfect way that they wish there was more for other trans people as well. wanting to defend those sources of joy in a world that offers us so few of them is only natural.

now, all of that being said, what i absolutely DO have a problem with is when that defensiveness gets to the point of attacking trans men's efforts to add positivity for ourselves as well. it perpetuates these false ideas that 1) there's only a finite amount of trans joy that can be expressed and we have to fight over it, and 2) trans men are currently hoarding that finite resource and are obligated to give it up entirely so that other trans people have a chance at getting it. obviously, both of those statements are deeply untrue – one part of the community getting support doesn't take anything away from other trans people because we should all be aiming for more support and positivity, not just redistributing the inadequate amount we currently have to more "worthy" subjects, and it's impossible to quantify how much support each part of the community gets because that's so dependent on the individual spaces you're looking at as well as what you're counting as support. and as much as i can understand feeling protective of our spaces, when that protectiveness leads us to turn on each other and push each other out of spaces that were supposed to be for all of us, that's taking it way too far.

and i also do think there's an attitude in a lot of trans spaces (and in more general queer/feminist/leftist/activist spaces) that trans men are a more acceptable target for that kind of ridicule because we're men and people in those spaces tend to already be very settled into this idea that there's never a bad time to tell men to sit down and shut up, even when the men in question are marginalized and trying to fight against their own oppression. if someone says "ugh there's too much positivity for trans women here," that's going to be met with a lot of people (rightfully) saying "hey, what the hell, man, that's super transmisogynistic." but if the same is said about trans men, those same people have no problem saying "i know, right? men love taking everything for themselves, it's the worst."

and that kind of attitude even extends to trans men simply creating positivity in spaces that don't have as much of it, even if they don't comment at all on the other kinds of positivity that might exist in that space. especially if we dare to add specific mentions of trans men onto an existing positivity post (which isn't actually a bad thing at all! adding more good to a good post doesn't take anything away from the original good!), we're met with a chorus of "wow, why do men always have to make everything about themselves, can't women have anything?" it's a perspective that groups us in with cis men as this privileged horde that talks over everyone else and seeks to dominate every space it enters, completely ignoring the fact that the image of loud domineering men they're invoking is based on cis(het white abled) men who've spent their whole lives being told they're the most important people in every room, which is very different from trans men who were brought up being taught to make ourselves small and be of service to more important people. they forget (or simply choose to ignore) that when we're loud about our needs and experiences and even our joy, it's not because taking up space was a practice passed down to us by our manhood, it's because we had to learn to be loud when we realized that staying quiet meant making it easier for the people who hate us to dispose of us without the rest of the world even noticing our absence.

all of that to say, i absolutely do think you've hit on a real issue here, i just don't think that issue actually has to do with the prevalence of positivity for trans women. it's a lot less about who gets more or less support in any given space, and a lot more about how those spaces react when the less represented groups start making their presence known. and yeah, a lot of trans spaces have some pretty damn awful reactions to trans men who literally just want to lift each other up and feel supported by our community in return.

[ossifer]

perfect lyctorhood was coined by mercymorn.

“You lied to us, John,” she said. And, with a sob in her voice: “There is a perfect Lyctorhood … a perfect Lyctor process that preserves the cavalier, and you let us think there wasn’t. You let us think we’d cracked it … You let us think it had to be a one-way energy transfer … but nobody had to die. Alfred, Pyrrha, Titania, Valancy, Nigella, Samael, Loveday, Cristabel … You watched us kill our cavaliers in cold blood, and none of them had to die. You had already done it yourself. But you had done it perfectly!!”

you cannot separate the concept of lyctorhood from john and alecto, or even the concept of necromancer and cavalier—both concepts originated with john and alecto. in fact, lyctorhood was conceived as an emulation of their bond: “You let us think we’d cracked it [...] You had already done it yourself. But you had done it perfectly!!” “Then, when the disciples come to you and say the word Lyctor, she does not understand that they want the thing you did to her—she watches as you watch … watch them misunderstand the process.”

in practice it was an imperfect and misunderstood imitation. one that was imperfect because john lied, because he needed his loved ones to be something he could touch—“needed them to be my hands … my fingers”—and from that lie came his saints, the emperor's fists and gestures. it is flawed, an imperfect copy—mercymorn says that john and alecto's bond is an example of perfect lyctorhood, that he'd done it 'perfectly'.

He said, I took you into myself and we became one. He said, meditatively, I mean, I tried. There was so much of you—you weren’t the small, stained soul of a normal human being. You were so much bigger than that. I opened my mouth and tried to cram you inside … you didn’t fit. [...] He said, So I dropped to my knees here, right … I scooped dirt into my mouth … ate until I vomited. I gathered up the bloody earth … I realised you were too much for me. This is the problem, the incorporation, this is the hardest part … It’s the human instinct, to take. [...] He said, From my blood and bone and vomit I conjured up a beautiful labyrinth to house you in. I was terrified you’d find some way to escape before I was done.

perfection is trying to fit something inside yourself you can't, choking the earth and cramming it in your mouth, then realising you can't so you devise a labyrinth to trap 'her' within. john says the human instinct is to take—and necromancy takes. it runs on death.

paul—the product of “something very nearly perfect … the perfect friendship, the perfect love”, conceived of as true lyctorhood, “a gravitational singularity creating something new”—is born of a mutual death. their birth is not an ideal thing, per palamedes: “I am saying we have found the best and truest and kindest thing we can do in this moment.”

what is lyctorhood? the joining of a necromancer and cavalier. one flesh, one end. “one flesh, one end” was conceived of by two people who died because of john's lie—died in pursuit of emulating his and alecto's example.

the necromancer and cavalier relationship—descended from john and alecto's example—hinges on an inequality between the two, one that is hegemonically enforced. the cavalier as the protector, the attendant, the lyctoral power source and defense mechanism.

i don't understand—how can something be perfect when it is tied to this? when it is descended from the man who believes the human instinct is to take, who conjured a labyrinth to trap the earth within? how can any lyctorhood be perfect or true, when even paul's example relies on death?

perfect lyctorhood was coined by mercymorn: the second saint to serve the king undying, lied to by john, and implicitly coerced into ascension via a suicide pact formed by cristabel and alfred. lyctorhood was conceived of as an emulation of john and alecto's bond. perfect lyctorhood is a perfect recreation of that—a lyctoral process that preserves the cavalier.

the perfect in perfect lyctorhood stands for putting your hands around the neck of the earth, choking on it, and then trapping it in a labyrinth hewn from your own blood, bone, and vomit.

[seriousbrat]

a post of yours was on my for you, it was about james potter and an ask (who was pretty rude and i don’t want to come off that same way) told you that james potter never changed and you started talking about how it was impossible he never did, that it’s crazy to think he was a manipulator etc etc but it’s rather simple imo. james was a frat boy who had friends he liked and he was good to, except maybe peter, he didn’t like severus because he was friends with his crush and he bullied other kids with his friends, because he could. he felt entitled to lily’s love because he was a blood traitor. that’s ok characters can change, but did he stop bullying severus? no (i saw your argument about sirius and remus saying snape never lost an opportunity to hex james, but 1 wouldn’t have lily noticed then 2 i don’t trust the words of the same people who said snape was angry at james because he was jealous of his good looks and his quidditch abilities) so what is that about? he acted as if he had became better person (which he may have, but he was still bullying severus and we have no proof of him becoming a better person except lily marrying him which is crazy leave the girl alone she’s not a moral compass) around lily whom he wanted to impress and then still bullied severus. i don’t think that’s a crazy thing to say, it’s actually very possible and it happens a lot of time in real life.

Thanks for the message, you don't come off as rude at all so dw!

"it happens a lot of time in real life." The thing is that this isn't real life. It's fiction, and I feel like I'm always saying this so sorry lol but that means we have to analyse the author's intention in showing what she did. These are fictional characters and not autonomous real people who do things "off-camera" that we can speculate about based on statistics or our own experience.

We're given evidence that James changed. If the truth was supposed to be that he actually didn't change and was always secretly the same dickhead and maliciously hiding this from Lily the entire time, we would have been given evidence of that. Everything we're shown about Lily and James as a couple is that they loved each other and had a good relationship. Again, if he was meant to be an evil conniving manipulator who was tricking Lily, it would have been shown in the text.

If you don't trust Remus and Sirius's word there are two other major pieces of evidence that James changed. The first is that Lily started dating him when previously she couldn't stand the sight of him. The second is that he was made head boy, and whatever Dumbledore's faults I sincerely doubt that he gave Head Boy to a person who was actively going around terrorising the student body. We know that circa 5th year, his behaviour was very public and apparent to everyone. For me, that lends credence to the idea that James "deflated his head" during sixth year, enough to be given responsibility over others.

The fact that Remus and Sirius mention James changing and also the fact that Snape was giving as good as he got during 7th year, and this is never contradicted but reinforced by other sources, means it's probably mostly true. Obviously Remus and Sirius's account is biased and imperfect, and we have to read between the lines. But, and I say this as a fan of Snape, there is plenty of evidence that Snape had an aggressive side. As a child he causes a branch to fall on Petunia and he invents an incredibly violent spell. As an adult he throws jars at a 16 year old boy and loses his shit at Fudge among others. Some of these are understandable, sure, but it is a part of his character and I don't understand why people are so hell-bent on ignoring it.

Like, it's fine. Part of Snape's arc is learning to control his emotions and limiting these outbursts of aggressiveness, which is why he's shown to be much more uncontrolled and violent as a child, whereas as an adult he's more collected and circumspect. It makes sense why he is the way he is, because it's implied he grew up in a home marked by violence. Personally, I think this is a VERY interesting aspect of his character and for me it makes absolute sense that he would attack James during 7th year. Particularly given that James and Lily were dating at the time. I am cheering him on from the sidelines. I am enjoying the show. Meek little harmless spineless Severus, idk him.

Also I'm sorry, but a lot of this is your own interpretation, likely based on your dislike for James. there's NO evidence that james "felt entitled" to Lily's love for instance. That really seems like a conclusion you've come to on your own. It's fine to have your own interpretations ofc, but they're not necessarily supported by canon. Personally I disagree with them, but that's fine too!

I appreciate the Lily appreciation though!! Let that girl do whatever the fuck she wants 👏

[oceane4loveu]

wonyoung:don't compare yourself to others ♡

wonyoung's mindset emphasizes self-acceptance and confidence in one's own abilities. She knows her values ​​and does not compare herself to others. How to have the same state of mind as her?

1-become aware of your value: remember that your value does not depend on your appearance, your success or the validation of others. each of us has our own qualities and talents that make us unique and special. take the time to remind yourself of everything you have accomplished so far, your strengths and everything that makes you unique and special.

2-avoid the pitfalls of social networks: social media can be a source of comparison and insecurity. but remember that the images and stories shared on the networks only represent a fragment of reality. Start to limit your time on the networks and keep in mind that each represents this best versions online.

3-love yourself: learn to love yourself and accept who you are. Compliment yourself, repeat positive affirmations to yourself in front of the mirror and fall in love with yourself. work on your self-esteem and try to do better than you were yesterday. Also surround yourself with positive people and start activities that strengthen your self-confidence and your self-love.

4-practice gratitude: focus on what you have rather than what you don't have. Get in the habit of writing down a few things you are grateful for. This will help you develop a possible attitude and appreciate your own journey without comparing yourself to others.

5-practice self-comparison: develop a caring attitude towards yourself by granting yourself kindness and compassion. replace criticism and judgment with understanding your imperfections and your errors.

6-focus on your personal goals: define your own goals based on your passions and desires then make a realistic action plan to achieve your goals. measure your success based on your personal projects rather than comparing it to that of others.

7-Avoid constant comparisons: It’s easy to get caught up in a cycle of comparison by looking at what others have or do. Focus on your own path and distance yourself from influences that fuel constant comparisons.

8-you are you, I am me: this expression from wonyoung simply means that each individual is unique and that it is important to concentrate on your own personal path. this implies not comparing yourself to others and not trying to imitate or follow the same path as others. wonyoung encourages self-acceptance and valuing one's own talents, qualities...she also emphasizes not being influenced by the opinions or expectations of others.

[darklinaforever]

Just because Emma D'Arcy says Daemyra is grooming doesn't mean that's the case. The actor, in the same interview, was literally wrong about Rhaenyra's age in episode 4.

Emma D'Arcy is an imperfect human being who can say stupid things. Especially today, many people use big words without knowing their real definitions.

I will add that even if Emma was talking about grooming, they did not agree and still did not find the scene where Daemon strangled Rhaenyra coherent, and rightly this time. Emma also said that they reads Daemyra fanfiction. So that basically means that they ship despite the problematic aspect. I wouldn't call it a victory for the antis.

Essentially, Emma D'Arcy seems neutral on Daemyra.

Also, Emma D'Arcy is an actor, paying to say certain things in interviews. Who's to say they's not just following the writers' stupid agenda ?

Then, I have already explained countless times that no, Daemon is not a groomer, notably in these posts, where I have also for some addressed the case of Emma D'Arcy and they grooming statements :

Moreover, even if the writers seem obsessed with a non-existent story of grooming between Daemyra, they do not seem to deny that it is a romance either. These people, and even HBO, obviously still have their ass between two chairs :

I will add that no, Daemon is not a pedophile either. Go to @nrilliree to get the definition because I'm clearly too lazy to explain again :

Especially since if you give me the example of the young prostitutes (which the antis also love to pass off as younger than they probably realistically are, like under 13 years old, just to make it really disgusting) when Daemon was in his 20s, know that they were all maidens.

“Maidens” is a term they use to refer to young unmarried women. In brothels these maidens were most likely between 15 and 17 or higher do to the lack of nutrition of the peasants. A bad nutrition causes someone's period to come later.

So no, they weren't little girls. This was for the time of young women literally according to society's of Westeros marriageable age.

The worst you can say about this case of prostitutes is that Daemon had a fetish for virgin maiden for a period in his younger years. (And even if it's obviously not great, I'm not sure #irony that we can put it on the same level as a groomer, a pedophile and a rapist... Yes I'm making an insituation in Aegon II for the last 2 points. We're getting there...)

Aside from that, Daemon was in a relationship with his then favorite, Mysaria, an adult, he also married Laena later, also an adult, and also married Rhaenyra when she was an adult (all according to our modern standards), although yes, he courted her when she was 14. But I remember that Rhaenyra had reached the age where she could marry and had already been courted by men. It's not surprising in the context that Daemon courted her. Especially since there is no evidence that anything sexual happened between them at that time. (One talking about sex is Mushroom, and we know to what extent he is obsessed with it and therefore that his testimony is almost worthless, and the second is Eustace, pro greens. And I remind you that the greens were already making up bullshit on Rhaenyra's sexuality before Daemon's return)

Basically, Daemon has always slept with maiden, and always of varying ages. (which is completely wrong with the definition of pedophile)

Limit, you can talk about ephebophile, but as @nrilliree already said, there is no evidence on this subject, especially since Daemon has also been with adult women several times (Mysaria for a little more than 1 year, Laena for 5 years, and Rhaenyra for 10 years), and this by our own standards modern.

Also, what makes me laugh is that these same people who will claim that Daemon only likes young girls who are essentially minors according to our time (because obviously they will look at age only according to our time, which is an error given that the historical context of this universe is completely different from ours, but in short), claiming that Daemon only married Rhaenyra for power and striving to say that Laena was 15 / 16 years old like in the HOTD show when he married her, while no, she was 22 in Fire and Blood. Well these same people will come and tell you and claim that Daemon did cheat on Rhaenyra with Mysaria, in addition to Nettles, during the dance.

An event whose veracity we also cannot prove and which seems somewhat strange when we take a closer look (so you will guess that I don't particularly believe in it either). See @horizon-verizon posts for that.

Why do I say it's funny ?

Well because Mysaria is an adult woman, much older than Rhaenyra and Laena.

But tell me... if Daemon is so obsessed with underage girls... why would he have slept with a former lover of his, who was already an adult at the time, and even older at this point there ?

We see that what really interests them is more to say bad things about Daemon whoever he is, rather than having any real consistency in their comments and accusations. (And if anyone dares to say that Daemon was sleeping with Mysaria to ensure he got her on his side... wtf ? Rhaenyra is the queen. She pays Mysaria and assures her safety. Why would sex with Daemon be the only way for Mysaria to ensure her loyalty to the team Blacks ? She literally hasn't seen Daemon in over 20 years I think. What would she care about him sexually or otherwise at this point, except perhaps for personal revenge ? And then, if Daemon really was with Mysaria to ensure her loyalty to his side... Well he's a bit much of an idiot if he really slept with Nettles after that. These people love to say that Daemon is a great master manipulator who places his pawns well in advance, especially when it comes to women, except that... Daemon does not seem to have been very intelligent if we follow this belief that I have already seen among antis, which is once again inconsistent with the speech Daemon was a master manipulator of women... I mean, according to their point of view, Daemon knew how to pretend for 10 years with Rhaenyra. Why couldn't he have lasted longer to play the charade with Mysaria ? Once again, the consistency of their words does not interest the antis. They only care about saying bad things about Daemon !)

And don't come for talk to me about Nettles, because I've already made some rather long posts on the subject, go see them if you want :

As well as I highly recommend the extremely in-depth analyzes of @horizon-verizon.

Basically, the story with Nettles could never be proven, and I personally don't believe it.

On the other hand, Aegon II is a character who could be described as a pedophile (by Westeros standards and ours) in Fire and Blood, having been with a girl (= child for Westeros. There is no adolescence in this society. Only childhood and adulthood. As a girl and not a maiden, a woman having her period and therefore marriageable, the individual with whom Aegon II was therefore indeed a child), and not a maiden, from precisely 11 / 12... And he's being also reported as having several inappropriate behaviors / touching towards women, strongly insinuating that he is a rapist (by the own maesters being on his side). And no, Eustace never denied the girl's age, and continued even though he referred to her as girl and tried to downplay the scandalous event.

And why am I talking about Aegon II fans ?

Because it's systematically them who come to me to tell me the bullshit about Daemon being a groomer and a pedophile while sometimes maintaining that their little favorite is not a rapist, and a potential pedophile.

Which is still pretty damn cheeky...

[hillbillyoracle]

Tips I wish I could tell my younger self about food

We were really tired tonight so we cooked separately.

Above is what my partner put together: broccoli bites, chicken nuggets, pineapple, and a cutie.

Below is what I put together: gluten free Mac and cheese with some canned chicken, frozen carrots, peas, green beans, and corn.

We both have a history of disordered eating having grown up during the toxic diet culture of the late 90s and through the 00s. Unlearning it has been really tough.

Here's how we think about a "healthy" meal without counting calories or running into our other triggers:

All vegetables count - yes even if they're tasty and palatable. Diet culture made me think only the blandest unappetizing versions of veggies count. Not true. Any veggie is a nice bonus. We include them to help us keep full longer/the added fiber (important for my particular GI issues).

Three colors of fruits and veggies in a meal - we shoot for this but don't always quite make it. Honestly this is mostly because of visual appeal. It just makes a meal look more substantial and I noticed I felt fuller longer when I did this. Variety is nice.

Include at least one protein - it helps you stay fuller longer. It does not have to be bland either. My partner chose chicken nuggets - it can be protein you actually like.

Include at least one source of fat - it helps you stay fuller longer. Mine is my dairy free cheese. My partner wasn't feeling any tonight - I have a hunch she'll grab yogurt later.

Use a base you love - for me this was Mac and Cheese. It's not something I struggle to get myself to eat. I love it. Carbs aren't evil. For my partner this was effectively her pineapple. She was really craving it lol.

Keep frozen and canned options available where possible - produce and meat go bad so quickly in the fridge. Canned and frozen are perfectly okay. It's much easier to toss some in this way.

Masking tape and a sharpie are your friend - label every leftover you put in your fridge. Helps you avoid food poisoning. Almost all food stored correctly in a fridge is good for 48 hours. Some for longer but it's important to check.

Better fed than dead - I can't remember who told me this when I was recovering from orthorexia/binge eating but I'm so thankful. It's so true. Better to eat something imperfect than nothing.

So yeah. Shifting from "x food is a bad food and I shouldn't be eating it" to "what can I add to dishes I already like to make them more satisfying" was super key.

Hope this is helpful to someone.

[silverlining-ships]

I'm deeply curious! You understand and analyse Jasper very well. Where did you start with this? I'm wanting to understand the characters of my f/os on a deeper level as well so I can be confident writing and drawing them, but it feels daunting when there's so much to cover and consider! Arcs, themes, motivations, connections to other characters, how they change... Is it just a matter of time/paying prolonged attention?

this is SUCH a fun ask, thank you for giving me the opportunity to go into this a bit!! character analysis is SO much fun to me, even outside of self shipping, so I'm so grateful for this!!

so disclaimer. I have engaged with steven universe specifically since it aired, which is probably too many years. this world and its mechanics are incredibly familiar to me just from how long I've played in this world. so it sometimes is partially a matter of time! but character analysis doesn't always need time, sometimes it just needs a bit of playing around! some of the things I do are:

wiki hopping:

this is SO much fun to me. I'll read a characters wiki until I hit something that makes me think wait... why is that? fandom wiki is always imperfect so no matter the character there are normally inconsistencies or things that just seem thrown in there

an example with Jasper is I was reading her wiki and reread the piece where it says she's implied to know how to pilot a Roaming Eye (piece of surveillance spacecraft) and was like. . . wait. I know she is a Quartz soldier, which are like ground level front line muscle in the caste system. so WHY would she know how to pilot SPACECRAFT?

so that's my question, and I'll hop around the wiki overall to try and find an answer! in this instance I refreshed a lot of my memory on the caste system, some of the other Jaspers, the spacecraft in the show.

sometimes I won't be able to find an answer - which is where I can use headcanons to fill in the gaps! I could go on and on about the conclusions I've reached with Jasper, but overall I feel as though she is a specially designed soldier made when the war was at a low point, and with her ground expertise and stellar record they pulled her into other necessary tasks during the war - like piloting!

essay writing:

no I'm not kidding and everyone who's reading this knows that. I LOVE building essays. no it doesn't have to be perfect grammatically sound text, but it can be so fun to start a text post posing a question/commenting on something you noticed from a character, and just. elaborating on it!

like for example, I have a text post somewhere where I pose the question that - if Jasper is so against fusion, and fusion is taboo in Homeworld, how did she know its functionality enough to initiate fusion with an entirely different Gem? and I just went through stuff. considering different scenes I've seen her in, the wiki, of course. it's a lot of rambling! but I feel the rambling helps draw you to a conclusion

engaging with the media itself:

one, our source media is always fun to come back to, so now you have another excuse!

two. . . you will always notice something new when you re-engage with the media. maybe the character reacted to a conflict in a way that you didn't really think about that much before. maybe you notice the character's physical expressions or the way they gesture.

engaging with the media also gives you a chance to really feel out a character arc as well. you can read the wiki all you want, but really diving into the source material helps you feel the pace that it was intended to go at.

other things to consider:

really when you're doing char analysis for fun you want to focus on what interests YOU specifically. for Jasper, I am consistently so so fascinated with who she was behind the screen and trying to figure out her history from the very little the show gave us, so I tend to analyze those things specifically and try and figure them out. always start with what YOU want to learn first and just. . . build it up from there!

"Arcs, themes, motivations, connections to other characters, how they change…" - these are all SUCH fun ways to explore a character, but which ones fascinate you the most? what do you love about your f/o, and then. . . why are they like that? why do they DO that thing you really like?

I hope this wasn't too rambly I love talking about char analysis hahaha

[multifunctionalnitroglycerin]

Poe’s Annabel Lee in TLT #1

“Annabel Lee” is the last poem E. A. Poe composed, and arguably one of his most famous ones. It is in many ways, typical of one would consider a Poe poem, featuring thematics such as the death of a beautiful young woman, love, and grief. Thematics and subjects that are ever-present in the tlt book series, and I will do my best to dissect in this post.

With a superficial read of the books, most would garner the rather obvious parallel between John Gaius and Alecto on the one hand, and the hero of the poem and Annabel Lee, on the other. John himself is not particularly mindful or discreet of the analogy he himself creates. And he has no need to, seeing as he is the only one that remembers the world from before. And I think it is terribly beautiful and utterly devastating, in a poetic irony sort of way, that a comparison so obvious as this, a hallmark of American poetry would go completely unnoticed in the new world that John has built in his image, for he is the only one who truly knows, the only one who remembers.

Another more subtle parallel, I feel could be drawn between Gideon and Harrow, and the poem’s heroes. Though, I must admit it is perhaps a bit of a stretch. I might make another post abt that. But for now, let’s dive in the magical world of Annabel Lee, and dissect the poem, bit by bit.

For all our literature geeks out there, I will just point out that the poem is a narrative poem, and it uses a few different rhyme schemes, and meters, with both anapests and iambs being present (Shout out to all the lovely people who are familiar with iambic fifteen-syllable lines and have been haunted by them).

I will now start with a general feeling of the poem before jumping into the details. From the start, Annabel Lee feels like a fairytale, with a hopeful start that alludes to the fairytale opening of Once upon a time… However, as the poem progresses this hopeful emotion slowly devolves to something eerie, ominous, and desperate. Something dark, cynical, and terrifying. And this is where we will draw our first parallel.

The Earth is dying. That much we can garner. There is however a man, that loves her more than anything else. That desperately, with his clumsy, human, imperfect, selfish way wants to save her. And thus, she bestows him with a gift, hoping that he would indeed help. It does make for a nice fairytale start of the story does it not? Unfortunately, however, this is not how it evolves, for John inevitably fails to do what he has been tasked with, despite all his love for her. And he kills her. She is now trapped in a human-like body of John’s design, a body that in its design is proof he could not escape the industrialism he so loathed, and she feels like a monstrosity. And the story only gets worse from then on, with her inevitable banishment in the Tomb for what seems to be an eternal sleep at the behest of John’s Lyctors.

Both takes I feel follow the same pattern of emotional development, regarding both their content of the text and the emotional rollercoaster they inspire in the reader.  

It was many and many a year ago

In a kingdom by the sea

That a maiden there lived whom you may know

by the name of Annabel Lee

10.000 years ago, to be precise, in a water-filled planet called Earth. See that fairytale tone? Also, I would like to point out once more, that saltwater references. Salt water, the sea, Θάλασσα as a source of life and energy is a strong thematic that repeats itself multiple times in Muir’s books, and this is no exception. And the fact that Earth is a planet with a lot of saltwater, and in this instance serve both the kingdom and the personification of the maiden is an apt usage of the theme. Moreover, in these introductory lines, we are immediately presented with what will be the central figure of the poem, Annabel Lee, an alleged maiden. A noun that alludes to a young, beautiful woman. (Alecto is arguably in the form that John gives her, also a beautiful woman, despite the Lyctors finding her monstrous. I am of the opinion that what unsettled them was that Alecto was both too bizarre, too other, too immense to be fully understood and contained within so plain a physical vessel, and way too human to be clearly marked as different and other. One look at John’s creation and they would immediately see that alien strange cavalier, and their closest friends in her quirks and mannerisms, all at once.)

And this maiden she lived with no other thought

than to love and be loved by me

I was a child and she was a child

In this Kingdom by the Sea

I need not point out I feel the thematic of an impossibly powerful love that is introduced in these lines, the desperate love that John harbored for his dying home planet, and the equally desperate love Alecto harbors for the man she thought would save her. Even when he betrays her, one of the things she says to John immediately after he confines her in the human form is I love you. (“What else...” “I love you”, “…You said that too.”) And of course, the notion that they were both “children”, inexperienced with little idea of what they were doing in their despair– most certainly not untrue. A line that heavily points to one of Pyrrha’s most iconic lines in Nona the Ninth “We were children - playing in the reflections of stars in a pool of water... Thinking it was space.” And they were children in comparison to what they are now. Inexperienced and stumbling through their first steps in the chaos that love is.

But we loved with a love that was more than love— 

I and my Annabel Lee;

With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven  

Coveted her and me.

Now these lines tie a bit more loosely to tlt. The love that these children so to speak harbor is not any less real because of their youth and inexperience. On the contrary the aftereffects of Alecto’s and John’s love are very much real and rather disastrous for the solar system. And such love, apparently inspired jealously. In the poem in the usually benign and protective guardians that angels are, and in the books, in the Lyctors. And I think that it is at this point that the thematics might or might not deviate from the books. Because one might say, that the Lyctors, that I feel are in these lines represented by the angelical figures, could not possibly be jealous of Alecto, and her relationship with John, could they? They find her monstrous and wrong, a hindrance, so what could they be jealous about? A lot of things, I believe. For we do see in the books the extends of the affections that John harbors for Alecto, even though his little man not responsible for the consequences of his actions, behavior. In the beginning John explains everything to Alecto through his eyes, takes her everywhere, and does not part with her. He harbors this love and kinship for his strange cavalier, or the soul of the Earth that chose him to save her, that it seems to overshadow even the depth of emotion he feels for his Lyctors. For he cares for and loves Augustine and Mercy and Gideon and Cassiopeia, Ulesses and Titania, but I feel that the love he has for them is but a speck in the ocean of the emotional turmoil that Alecto inspires in him. So they cover them for a love they themselves cannot feel.

               And what would you do, how would you feel, if the man you gave everything up for, the man you uprooted your life for, the man you condemned the planet and the billions of lives on it for, barely had eyes for you? If despite all you had done for him and all you did on a daily basis to keep this impossible empire intact, all he ever did was parade his monstrous, weird, wrong, guard dog around? And no matter what you did you could never get rid of her, for she was everywhere, and she was his, and he never could care for you as his friend, as a companion, an advisor, a pillar of the empire, his hand and gesture and manifestation of his will with nearly as much love and devotion he showed her? What if you felt that she was a distraction keeping him from building the empire he was meant to build?  

And this was the reason that, long ago,    In this kingdom by the sea,  A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling    My beautiful Annabel Lee;  So that her highborn kinsman came     And bore her away from me,  To shut her up in a sepulchre    In this kingdom by the sea.   The angels, not half so happy in heaven,    Went envying her and me— Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,   In this kingdom by the sea)  That the wind came out of the cloud by night,    Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

Given my ramble above I will not expand anymore on how the Lyctors would see Alecto at least as a hindrance to the empire, and at most would loathe her, for despite never having sacrificed as much as they had – in their eyes at least - she had John’s attention, devotion, respect and -frankly obsessive- love. What follows now, is an abrupt change of tone (gone are the fairytale notions) and an allusion to the Tomb, even though we know that John himself put her in there and not the other Lyctors. But we also know that the other Lyctors were on a surface level, the driving force of that decision. He sealed her away to appease them. And at least in John’s little man mentality he could insist that it was for them and their insistence that he sealed her away. And he feels the loss of Alecto, his Annabel Lee. Furthermore, Annabel Lee has been chilled, and while the interpretation in the poem can be a bit vague, we know that Alecto is held in a freezing ice coffin practically. Frozen in time in the subzero temperatures of the Ninth.

 But our love it was stronger by far than the love  

Of those who were older than we—  

Of many far wiser than we—

And neither the angels in heaven above, 

 Nor the demons down under the sea,

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul 

 Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:

Lyctorhood ala John. Binding your soul to the soul of a planet, to the soul of Earth. It doesn’t get any stronger and up and personal than that. A love and bond that is stronger than all he knows I don’t think there is much of anything anyone can do to sever Alecto’s connection from John. It is presented as one of the big issues in the book. How to kill God when he has bound his life force to a bloody planet, who seems to be rather murderous on the best of days. I quite look forward to seeing how that moves forward. For the hero of our poem, don’t know about John I must admit, seems to be certain nothing can tear their souls apart from each other.

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams 

 Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes  

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side

Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride, 

 In her sepulchre there by the sea, 

 In her tomb by the sounding sea.

The first two lines are pretty familiar, aren’t they? They should be because they are featured in the books. And they point that our hero meets Annabel Lee in his dreams. Aka the whole premise of Nona the Ninth, where Nona dreams of Alecto’s memories. As for the second set of lines, it seems to be an allusion to both John’s original bright  golden eyes and the bottomless black pits of Alecto’s in which the stars never rise. As for the next line, my presumptive butt would like to take it as a bit of a foreshadowing. And a symbol. Yes, it does bring to mind John’s ascension in a sense with the lying on the ground theme, but the imagery here is much more serene, peaceful. So, I would like to believe it alludes to the end, where John will finally find peace and will lie besides Alecto for what could be their final rest. I do not remember if he lay beside her every night before, so correct me if I am wrong. But I would find it awfully poetic for them to do that as they set off Resurrection Vol2 or they reverse what they have done. And the last lines again allude to the Tomb and the sea. So, a random crazy idea is that they would both lie together in the Tomb and reset everything. And that the Tomb, their place of final rest or not, will be surrounded by water, so I have this crazy imagery that perhaps the Tomb containing Alecto’s and John’s lifeforce will be the center, the core, of the new planet that would resemble earth. And thus, an ocean shall rise surrounding the two, and they will eternally lay beside each other in the depths of a planet surrounded by saltwater.

All in all, both stories are stories of love in its all-consuming nature, that can be romantic and all encompassing, or take a darker turn and become obsessive and destructive. Of Love that can transcend the mortal realm and alter the laws of the world as we know it, inspiring dark feelings in what should be benevolent characters. And still that love transcends the obstacles that are set, for better or worse. Is it really as beautiful as it appears? The stories also are stories of grief and loss that defines the one that gets left behind, grief that attaches itself to the person and doesn’t let go, overpowering sense and sensibility. That becomes the past present and future of our hero. That has no outlet and suffocates its bearer. (We have seen John’s darker days, where he is drunk and barely functional.)

Okay it is probably way too late, and I am way too tired, but it makes sense in my head. Next part of this one we will be analyzing possible comparisons between this lovely poem and Gideon and Harrow’s relationship.  

Take care of yourselves.

[nanowrimo]

12 Tips for Drafting Forward During NaNoWriMo (And Beyond!)

To accomplish your big writing goals, you have to focus on drafting forward. The team over at Freewrite knows how to do that better than most! Freewrite, a 2023 NaNoWriMo sponsor, is a dedicated distraction-free drafting device designed just for writers to separate the drafting from the editing process and get words on the page. Today, the Freewrite team is here to share their top 12 tips for doing just that:

Here at Freewrite, we love when NaNoWriMo comes around, because we’re all about helping writers set their stories free. We’re big proponents of the “write now, edit later” method of writing to help writers reach writing flow and increase productivity. The goal of drafting forward (and NaNoWriMo!) is to get a first draft recorded and translate your thoughts into writing on the page.

We’re going to share the top tips we recommend to writers who want to try this method but don’t know where to start. Try these out during your next writing session to see how they help you ditch the distractions and make serious progress!

1. Save research for later. (Or start with it!)

Yes, research is important. But it can also quickly turn into a form of procrastination. Complete the bulk of your research before you start writing, or, if it’s a topic you know well, commit to doing any research after. When you’re drafting and come to a place where you need to fact-check or gather information, simply leave a note to yourself right there in the text and continue drafting. 

2. Plan well.

With a timed challenge like NaNoWriMo, it helps to plan out your daily benchmarks in order to finish on time. Consider setting a daily word count goal or making a schedule for the month so you know exactly where you stand each day. Make an outline if you’re a plotter, or if you’re a pantser, spend some time getting into the world of your story.

3. Decide you’re going to write a messy first draft.

We recommend stating it outright to yourself, or maybe writing it down on a Post-It where you can see it each day: My goal is to write a messy first draft. Embrace that imperfection so that you can write more freely!

4. Silence your inner critic.

As you write, revisit your messy first draft goal and resist the urge to critique or edit your work as you go along. Instead, concentrate on getting your thoughts down without judgment. This means not overanalyzing each sentence. Did that last sentence sound ridiculous? Who cares?! Anything goes in a messy first draft. You’ll refine and revise later!

5. Turn off your inner spell-check.

Freewrite devices have no spell-check or grammar checker for a reason. Every squiggly line is a distraction, a moment that your writing flow is broken and you have to resist going back to fix typos. Even if your eyes recognize a typo, train your brain to fix it later! Remember: we’re focusing on getting out thoughts and ideas in the first draft, not grammar.

6. Eliminate external distractions.

We’ve done the hard work for you by creating Freewrite. 😉 Now, put your phone in the other room, turn off the TV, and start writing.

7. Write quickly.

This is just another way to trick your brain into writing from that deep, creative place that can’t be reached when you’re overthinking. Strive for a flow state where you’re typing at the speed that your thoughts come to you.

8. Use placeholders.

If you can’t think of the right word or need to look up a source, just insert a placeholder and keep writing. Our favorite placeholder is “xx” because that can easily be searched in editing software later. Other people like the more straightforward “[INSERT SOMETHING FUNNY]” or “[CHECK SOURCE]”. You can fill in those gaps during the editing phase.

9. Keep moving forward.

If you encounter writer’s block or a difficult section, resist the temptation to stop and dwell on it. Skip to another part in your story and return to the challenging section later. We like to add a note to ourselves right there in the draft to remind us to come back to that spot when editing.

10. No back-tracking.

Often while drafting, a brilliant sentence will come to us. But it’s describing something we just described. What to do? Do not go back, delete the first sentence, and replace it. Simply keep writing the new sentence! These redundancies are easy to correct later.

11. Experiment.

Try different styles and approaches without judgement. You can compare and contrast and pick the best one later, during the editing stage.

12. Write!

Relish in the creative flow and the freedom of having one job to do: writing. Don’t worry about grammar or story structure. Focus on the joy of creating.

With a few tweaks in how you draft, we hope you’ll be surprised by how much you write, the creative ideas your imagination comes up with, and how much fun you have while writing.

And if you try the above rules of forward drafting, we’d love to hear your experience!

Reminder: NaNoWriMo 2023 participants are eligible for a special Freewrite offer. Find all the details here. 

[sitp-recs]

Can I please have some recommendations along this plot, "where britain mistreats Draco forcing him to leave it. Few years later he becomes successful and now Britain requires his help?? Please recommend Drarry ones

We all love a badass Draco giving ‘em the middle finger 👌🏼 I’m sure I’ve read more but I couldn’t think of many titles off the top of my head. Not all of these will fit all your boxes but they’re great reads with successful Draco living abroad:

Un Noël très parisien by Femme and noeon (E, 14k)

When Draco crossed paths with Auror Potter at a political function in Paris, he was not expecting their former animosity to change into something rather more intriguing. But he could be certain their casual flirtation would not last more than the night, couldn't he?

And Back Again (Where You Belong) by eidheann (E, 16k)

He thought back on their previous handshakes, and smiled faintly at the fact they always seemed to mean so much more to him than they did to Potter.

measures of our days and nights by flimsy (E, 40k)

Draco returns to London to help the Ministry decipher a spell, but things aren’t quite as simple as they seem.

The Light More Beautiful by firethesound (E, 81k)

Thirteen years after Draco accepts Potter's help escaping the horror of his sixth year, he returns to England where he makes the unfortunate discovery that Potter is still as obnoxious as ever. And worse, more than a decade overseas hasn't been enough to dim Draco's obsession with him.

Balance, Imperfect by @bixgirl1 (E, 91k)

When Harry sustains an injury in the line of work, he no longer knows how to navigate the life he loved, and finds help and solace from the most unexpected source.

A Case of You by @epitomereally (E, 97k)

Draco was doing just fine working as an Unspeakable in Paris, hanging out with his living and ghostly pals, inventing new spells, and definitely not thinking about Potter. Then, Lucius just had to break out of prison and turn his world upside down.

Any Instrument by dicta_contrion (E, 131k)

Draco Malfoy wouldn't go back to England for anything less than an exceptional case. Being asked to figure out why Harry Potter can't control his magic might be exceptional enough to qualify.

[loveyourlovelysoul]

It is believed that the way we see ourself can reflect also in how we think others see and perceive us, and therefore in how we interpret their reactions about us (and from here we also create our need to please them and try to control their feelings for us).

If our self esteem is low and we focus only on what's wrong about us (flaws and all), it's ofc natural for us to believe that others will only notice our wrongs and flaws as well (and we'll notice more and give even more importance to what they say when they criticize us or not give us what we may need -even not with bad intentions-: our brain looks for confirmations about this inner belief, basically that we're not good enough). But we cannot predict how people will act and therefore not even how they will react about us cause it's impossible: we cannot read anyone's mind.

Building up a better relationship with ourself, may help us also in our relationships with others cause: we know our worth and won't make anyone else's (un/intentional) behaviour mean anything about us; wecan love ourself despite whatever happens (cause we know we tried and we're not just our flaws and wrongs); and we know we can survive anything cause we don't depend on others but first and foremost on ourself.

When dealing with others, try to focus less on how you perceive yourself and fear they may perceive you (notice your flaws, imperfections, judge you...) and try to enjoy more and show more of yourself. In particular if your insecurities are about your look. People see of us only what we let them see of us, so don't block yourself cause of your fears, let them experience more of you, show your fun side, your gentle side, your caring side... just be yourself without letting your worries change who you are or get too insecure. Let people decide how they perceive you based on exactly what you think (don't wear masks to please them): you cannot control their feelings ever (as they cannot control yours: and I guess you like to be free to think what you want, right?). And btw, it's not that you're any less if someone doesn't appreciate you: we cannot like everything and everyone anyway. Find those that appreciate you, keep trying, be open.

(me + source)

[paintedstories]

Can we get a part 2 of pay with the fire in my dreams?

pay with the fire in my dreams [2]

tag list -> @hyuniebeez ; -> @anny-bah

synopsis: who could have thought that the guy you have been falling in love with in your dreams was real and that he was a psychopath, and why did you like ......... it...?

warning: a little bit of angst(if you squint); both, reader, and Hyun-JIn are kind of cu-cu; mentions of running away.

add -> requests always open

song

part 1

You woke up tied in your bed, the first instinct was to scream but your mouth was taped, so you started squirming trying to get free from the rope.

"don't squirm, dove, don't be scared I won't hurt you," He said while walking closer to you and softly touching your face, so gentle and soft that you started to relax.

Was he really the guy in your dreams? The one you've been fantasizing about for the past time? This was a dream come true in the most serious way.

he watched as you visibly relaxed and looked at him with big eyes that pleaded to let your body free from the rope grasping your body on the bed.

"no, no, no my dove, how could I let you free when all I want to do to you is keep you to myself?"

he coyly asked as he keeps rubbing your cheek with the most loving expression that someone ever had towards you. An expression no one ever had towards you, well, only in your dreams.

him.

He was looking at you with so much love and another thing that made you feral.

as he continues to look at you he un-taped your mouth and kissed you gently but with so much passion that not even music can beat it.

you kissed him back, not knowing why.

No.

You knew why, You kissed him back because he was the only source of happiness you had for so long, and that now, he was here was something inexplicable but you had to touch him, to feel him, to feel that he was real, because in your dreams as much as you both hugged or held hands, you never felt him.

trying to squirm at least one hand away while kissing him making you whimper in the kiss made him raise his eyebrows and look at you then at your hands.

"are you trying to leave?" he asked with a sad expression.

"after all I did-"

"no! I want to touch you, to know that you aren't just a dream, even then when you kissed me, I have to feel you with my own hands, to know that this is not just a sick joke my brain pulled over me!" you said all that in one breath as he kept looking at you, at the end of your sentence with even more love if it was possible.

he untied your right hand first, rubbed it then the other, but when he held your left hand in his you rapidly hugged him fast and hard shocking him in the process.

you hugged him as you started crying from the overwhelming feeling of happiness, of the feeling of finally, finally having someone to be by your side forever, finally having that one for you, you knew he will never leave you, he basically knew everything about you already, all your imperfections, and you knew his.

"sh~ my little doll, I am here now, don't cry, I will never leave you anymore" he took your face in his big hands and held you to look at him.

"Listen here little dove, I have 2 questions and one of them is very serious" you nodded mesmerized by his beauty up close.

"are your parents here?" you nodded saying no "good"

he gave you a peek and the next question left you truly speechless.

"run with me"

"what...?" you asked shocked

"run with me, let's start our new life! let's grow together from our own mistakes!" he smiled brightly

"okay, my love, anything for you" he hugged you.

a new life awaits you, and your lover. with new experiences, new ups and downs but finally together you will do it.

you couldn't refuse anyway, he would have killed you, that was the other thing his eyes said. But you wouldn't want it any other way