#that ones kind of on me tho ig
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wondering how long it will be before the bit of the back of my mouth that my wisdom teeth keep working on just falls off entirely
#is this tmi#look it's just really ouchy ok#like all the time#like eating hurts and closing my mouth all the way hurts#i have another month until i can go to the dentist#bc if i go ahead of time it won't be covered by the insurance#and i'm telling myself to just like chill out and get over it#but adafkjhadfkahdf#it's really annoying ok#AND when my tics involve like clenching my back teeth#which they often do#fasfafdsakjfndajksfdos now THAT fucking hurtssss#that ones kind of on me tho ig#but still if i manage to .not. do the tic#well that as we all know is .not. a pleasant sensation either#so who knows#ah#idk#boink
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Another, zzz
#wip#queue à la queue leu leu u.u#last suguru sketch i shared made me think of this one (because of the pose ig? symbolic(???) back hug from gojo tipa deal??? uh)#kinda exited to see the final of this ? idk when ill be in the mood to work on my idea of the type of rendering this should get#but in my head 'it will look pretty 😌'#not in the mood to do those kind of details tho so.. ciao#satosugu#呪術廻戦#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#stsg#gojo satoru#gojo satoru fanart#getou suguru#getou suguru fanart#夏油傑#jujutsu kaisen#五条悟#stsg fanart#i feel like this drawing will get modified (as in 'this is no good ; ERASE. REDO !) A loOOoooot when i next work on it#but slay ig#(i do know that atm there are uh.... i mean... gojo has two set of hands (because i was sleepy. got distracted. coulnd pick a set of hands..#i dont know. ALL OF THE ABOVE... something something... but you have to understand..! im a dumbass!!!#things happen!!!! happy little accidents.. !!!)#im outing myself as a distracted mess rn#“no no no!” i continue into the mic “youve got me wrong... there isnt even proof SINCE THE CROP OF THIS POST HIDES THE EVIDENCE” i singsong
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it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent
#xmen#xmen comic#krakoa#cherik#snap chats#until the divorce of course but until then its actually so funny#how you really couldnt go a page or two without one or the other and the other one was close behind#ice climber ass duo over here. the delightful children from down the lane kind of proximity what the fuck was their PROBLEM#i feel like if one of them was teleported the other would just materialize right next to them thats how close they were#fuuuck what was the issue where sabretooth and co are in like. Brain Prison or something#and victor imagines charles but everyones like 'wait its weird if its just him where's magneto'#ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY and i NEED to know what issue that was .... to add it to my collection ....#also killed me how in immoral x-men issue 1 charles was yappin bout erik bein gone#and- God Bless Who i forget i think it was hope- was just 'can you please shut up about your dead boyfriend im begging you'#moira stronger than me if i had to deal with thing 1 and thing 2 on a daily basis i woulda snapped sooner frankly#ig when you live ten times through The Most Bullshit ever youre numb to most things but still. my god theyre so obnoxious#sorry im cackling at the bit in HoX where charles is about to announce krakoa to the world and erik's putting his hand on his shoulder#and you justs see moira in the back like dawgggg right in front of her .... can you two get a room#GENUINELY no im GENUINELY surprised they dont share a bedroom#im not even talking sharing a bed im taking my shipper goggles off im actually baffled they dont sleep in the same building#obvi id be lyin if i said i didnt love it tho To Be Real .. genuinely love seein them work together as a team .. until they werent </3#in every timeline they WILL divorce each other that's just the rule. actual canon event it cannot be changed or stopped its integral#ok ramble over. but not really not in spirit cause ill never be over this ill die before i am#im gonna go eat now i think i think thats something i As A Human has to do at least once a day
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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thinking about kab and the thing about her i think is she knows just enough to keep herself safe Generally but not enough to really predict what would happen should something more... complicated??? unforeseen??? idk whats the right word to use but something not covered by someones reputation and/or vids happen, believe it or not this also affects her view of clownpierce (we'll get to that)
for example, mapicc has a reputation for being an violent, angry, & impulsive guy and nothing else which makes sense but is incredibly surface level and something that only really works if you dont have a lot of experience working with him
another is reddoons, his betrayal after the base incident while shocking is not unforeseen but his reputation as being a guy whos seen as being a reasonable person whos fairly loyal to his team made it seem like something he wouldnt do even tho it absolutely is
regarding how it affects her view of clown, since he isnt perfectly aligned with his reputation she instead pivots in the complete opposite direction and forgiving basically every crime he does even tho hes something much more mild and complicated than either his reputation or her view of him will ever be (think madonna-whore complex which is especially obvious when it comes to kabs vs woogies view of him)
another side effect of this Just Enough amount of knowledge aside from being blinded by her own expectations is that it frustrates ppl who think shes oversimplificating things (like me and seemingly several other tumblr users as well) especially when she claims that shes objectively correct and the smartest in the room at any given moment
how this roughness in her analysis affects her in the server still has yet to be fully seen but we do still have at least a couple months until the end but 'til then shes just gonna keep stumbling as more and more complicated situations pop up as is typical in lifesteal to happen and eventually shes gonna have to learn to adapt or else she'll be suffering the consequences one way or another
#mine.txt#analysis#ig. this is very rough tho and is more just thoughts than anything#but i wanted a tag so i can get back to this later to see how right or wrong i am#another thing that affects this is the cc/c divide which is something she likes to take control of#one of the ways it manifests is that she likes to go in and out of it frequently which can be incredibly distracting#esp if youre someone like me who wants the lsers to just. be themselves and get immersed in whats happening around them#and it doesnt help that her and her character can have Very different feelings on a situation#basically the cc/c divide or at least how kab likes to use it affects the way she acts because shes got an idea in her head already#of what to think of the other ppl in the server which makes her inflexible when unexpected things come up#as opposed to when shes just being herself reacting to things#which is unfortunate but i think reflects on how outsiders vs insiders view lifesteal#the reality vs expectations of the audience are so incredibly different esp if you only watch the vids#so much so that while watching kabs vid my initial reaction was that she wasnt as big a ls fan as i originally thought#then realized no this seems like the exact sort of thing id expect from someone whos only seen the vids; particularly of the pvpers#(specified pvpers cause only watching the pvpers vs other kinds of players on the server are Very different experiences)#tho the thing about kab is she Does have insider knowledge!#.... mainly from ppl who dont log on a lot (ash and clown and maybe squiddo)#so naturally thats gonna give her a biased view of how the server works one way or another#the exception to this would be zam telling her about eclipse federation but i think either she doesnt know or severely underestimated#just how much lying; manipulation; keeping secrets; and yap sessions built on incompatible motives and morals happened#that made s4 the way it is not only in game but outside of it as well#''we're at our best when we hate each other irl'' - reddoons according to zam
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11/03/2023
umm, stampede saturday
#daily bunny#070#fan bunny#trigun#trigun stampede#vash#vash the stampede#I hope everyone is enjoying watching me catch diff kinds of brainworms in real time sdfgdhf#the line he's saying is actually the catchphrase of leopold the cat#one day I'll do a redraw bc it's really fitting like sfdghf#yellow pacifist little creature#wiki said this is the eng translation But Actually it's a lil different#the original is lets all live together peacefully#this is more catchy ig tho
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I just realized the two fandoms I left are all because of the fandom itself and how miserable it is there. ppl just can't respect other ppl's boundaries and would throw in words that they don't even know the meaning of. I mostly keep to myself but some of it was so loud I'd heard it from other ppl and would sometimes end up seeing it. like some artist would leave and sell all the merch they bought just because ppl bullied them so bad over being a fan of a character. or you just ship smth and ppl would bully you for it. like these are simple ships and some got driven out coz of how hostile ppl are. seeing all that shit really is just demoralizing and not make me want to put content for those fandoms anymore.
#the last one tho about ships...#cant even post shit coz of fear#even if your ship is the most wholesome you get shit on#no one is safe bruh#ryomina has been so freeing for me hfksjdksjd#coz I'm not alone#ppl are crazy for them and I'm crazy for them too#also I'm not taking my chances this time I'm mostly surrounding myself with my jp and cn moots#also they make awesome merch for me to buy ehehe gimme more ryoshu merch#but yeah like I'm not gonna dive deeper into the p3 fandom#I'm gonna stay in my own bubble#you guys are already enough and so kind so far#I'm not gonna waste my time and engage in infuriating ppl that are so terminally online#idk why this suddenly came up I just wanted to rant#ig you're safe in that fandom like if you ship one of the most popular#the most popular yeah but it's the blandest thing I have ever seen#but you do you I respect that#if you know what I was drawing before p3 then yeah it's from that fandom#but yeah anyway I do wanna talk more about ryomina but I'm bad at talking to ppl lmao
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Imagine if the clone tord theory was just clone tord being a mid reactionary and making real tord look dumb online
#ive always hated stanelys so the fact they have lead in them is kinda funny to me#i hope no one actually like dies or gets any kind of poisoning bc theres lots of kids who use these#HOWEVER!!#all those “lol idc if it has lead bc its the ✨stanely✨ cup” bitches need to go fr#i really wanna tag this with lead poisoning#that would be weird tho right? :sob:#eddsworld#tord eddsworld#clone tord#clone tord theory#stanely cups ig?
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do i really want this relationship to continue tho if i genuinely feel worse after every interaction with her and she is in 89% responsible for my already precarious self esteem crashing and plummeting most severely in the span of just three years?
#aside from everything else she literally ruined my face for me lol#never before uni did i think that i was genuinely ugly. like i never thought i was beautiful or anything#but i was like yeah ok this is fine i can work with that my face is cool#i didnt even notice my nose or the colour and shape of my eyes and i actually liked my lips lol well not anymore 🤡#[girl who is your friend voice] yeah my eyes are blue yours are more the colour of idk a swamp or sth.#yeah you do kinda have a big potato nose. and yeah no my lips are bigger actually see#i have this like aristocratic type of features im good for playing countesses and stuff... you're more of a soubrette kind of face tho#idk people often tell me i look like young meryl str/eep (she does tho) haha omg you know who you look like?? d/olora z/ajick! <3 literally!#omg sorry im not trying to be mean look she's not that ugly!#:)#and like the worst part is she's right! she's right. completely.#the only thing i KNOW im better at is like. Being on stage. yes she's prettier yes she's sexier but i know i have a better stage presence#this is the only thing in my life im confident in. i KNOW what to do on stage. i CAN act. im not the best but im genuinely Good.#and like. so what lol it's literally worthless when juxtaposed against alllllll the other things she's winning at#'im worthless and no one wants to fuck me' is what im getting from this relationship. but sometimes it's funny ig
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skeledog Leander WIP
the skull here is actually modeled closely after a deer skull, just compressed to fit a dog's overall face shape. also tried to make the eyes a little less wide-set than a deer's without making them completely front-facing like a dog's. here's the rest of the (still un-rendered) body:
i'm testing out the screen recorder i just downloaded so if that ends up working the way i want it to i'll have a timelapse of this piece when it's done :)
#whump#i mean leander is unharmed#he is fine#but i would NOT put it past him to go whumping someone else while he's like this#or most any other time really#tor draws#original characters#oc: leander#leanimals#drawing#art#don't think this really counts as gore but perhaps i'll tag it as#horror#if of a milder sort#skeleton#bones#drawing wip#also fun fact! i am doing all the painting and rendering on one layer for the most part#like the rough sketch is on a separate layer but i'm painting completely over it and all that is being done on a single layer#i hate to do that with art of humanoid characters#it's just really difficult for me for some reason#but when it comes to animals and monsters and creatures and such i actually really prefer doing things on a single layer as much as possibl#which is weird bc for years i've been a steadfast 'has dozens and dozens of layers for a single drawing#so every little thing can have its own layer' kind of girlie#still can't get the hang of single-layer painting for humanoid characters tho#can't seem to get the hang of applying this same lineless painterly style to humanoid characters either#which causes me absolutely no end of grief#i WANT to#but it's so fucking hard lol#but ig that's what practice is for 😔
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i am once again thinking about The Boy
not the movie lol
#give it up for day 13#how has it just been 13 days since my first time seeing him in so long#🙈💕 i like how i haven't had A Crush in a sec and the last person it was on was him lol.#there's a lot of little stuff that's changed since then abt myself and between us ig but good lord i have never been more attracted to him#than i am now 😵💫😵💫 seeing him in sweats and a sleeveless turtleneck that first day has just had him in my head every day since#like HELP he's hot 😭 but then like... so am i omg (。ノω\。) actually cleaning my place finally so i can have him over lol#i know I'm hot but at the same time i forget ykwim.. until i look in a mirror or see a picture and I'm like oh right i exist.#anyways ms ma'am is getting better at talking to her friends abt these kinds of things ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ ♡#i say that there's nothing I'd do for a lover that i wouldn't do for a friend and that i just love ppl fundamentally#and i know this is my true self‚ but I'm somewhat new to living that in practice and on purpose.#I'm a little clumsy i think but no one's seemed to mind 🙈💕 i am happy that I'm learning and i am happy to deepen my friendship#and i look forward to how much easier this will be to navigate a yr from now ^.^ I've been polyamorous for a year and a half ig#and i feel like I've found my comfort zone yk? :3 ♡ what being polyamorous Means To Me#it's good to be here.. i look forward to the friends i will make after i move and i wish i was more forward w the boy sooner omg#but it's okay. he won't be Too far away it's just a bit of a trip. i wanna have him over a couple times before i leave tho and hopefully#many more at the next place ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა ♡ but i will visit him too hehe his family's rly nice
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turns out my laptop is broken :(
#angryborzois rambles#im kinda bummed because i really like this one and i really don't want a new one#but my mom says to get a new one#i suggested repair shop but she said buying a new one is way cheaper than that#idk man im attached to this laptop#also theres the fact that i got it in middle school and im attached to everything that happened middle school#this sucks#im gonna miss it#its not really anything major its just the hinge is distorted (its like popping out) and now my whole computer is like weirdly askew#ok well maybe the top part and bottom lid ARE pulling away from each other and the power button is sinking in bc of it but shh#i could still use it...its not like it affects any of the hardware functions...i just have to make sure i don't move my laptop at all#:((#my mom told me to make a backup so im pretty sure shes got her eyes set on a new laptop tho rip#i wonder if the exact same model is on sale maybe#my dad suggested a macbook tho so idek atp#on the bright side ig i could sell the computer parts (or just the whole thing to people who collect that kind of stuff) somewhere....idk
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pokeani moments that exist purely to make Me miserable:
the line where they call ash's oshawott a throwaway pokemon in the unova league so they're just flat out saying they think it's a worthless pokemon
to thine own pokemon be true (extra angst points for me bc ambipom was my second favorite on the team at the time)
the granddaughter of the guy who trains gliscor calling gliscor pathetic and weak to her face despite gliscor being an extremely sensitive pokemon
pretty much everything about that gible
blue episode (favorite color but they made it a fetish somehow and also dewott and brionne and meowstic are all there and its so bad)
boxing heracross immediately. also that battle frontier episode where it's literally the only returning ash mon (barring torkoal i think but i dont count it bc its native to AG) to get humiliated onscreen
pidgeot returning but gliscor didn't even show up in the miniseries despite being an Actual Character
#sorry ik i keep bringing up the throwaway line but like. its SOOOOOOOOOO bad holy shit#the heracross one isnt aaaaaas bad tbf bc they really make up for it in the sinnoh league#but aside from one ep in the miniseries we never quite get an episode where oshawott proves itself in a battle#i still love that episode bc it still kinda feels like an apology for all the oshawott bashing in bw but i am a little :/#that battling didnt even come up once#ive kiiinda eased up on gliscors benching episode bc at the end of the day it isssss pretty good to her. also its the best animated one#but its treatment like what i mentioned that still really drags it down to me#and also like. i know ppl praise gliscor being so powerful after the episode but i really dont get why we couldnt have just#had a gliscor training arc onscreen. but ig we wouldnt have that stupid ass gible plot that went nowhere now would we#but like.... we had such a huge stretch between that episode and the league. i really dont get why we couldnt have had a mini arc#where gliscor realizes shes not pulling her weight that well and really starts hauling ass#she doesnt really even sweep in the paul fight. she gets beaten immediately by ninjask#the drapion part was awesome tho yayyyy#but my point is that it wouldnt really change much if gliscor just stayed and got stronger on its own#have the bench episode be a wake up call for gliscor rather than a goodbye one and she becomes super competent#like im not just saying this bc gliscor is my favorite character in the entire show. i feel like its straight up kinda lazy and less reward#rewarding#imagine how the drapion fight could be EVEN MORE cathartic if we saw gliscor struggle and fight to get better throughout the show#as much as i like that specific battle and ash vs paul as a whole... it just kinda proves my point that sending gliscor away at all#was kind of a shitty move#like ohhhhh ash's team is all getting revenge for lake acuity yay!!!!! oh one of them was kicked off for the sake of a shitty gible plot th#which really only served to make shitty piplup bashing jokes and only actually had a conclusion in the league itself#by which time it was too late to actually do anything else with it. yeah we kicked someone off for that. but shes back now!!!#like it doesnt weaken the battle THAT much. in fact theres some value in how ash went out of his way to make sure gliscor could be there#so her defeat could also be avenged. and its still my fave battle in the whole anime. but it just proves to me how pointless that was reall#echoed voice
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yor art is so amazing. i wish every time you made art you knocked on my door and handed it to me so i could enjoy it silently and nod and smile approvingly at you as i tape it to the fridg.e. i woud print a second one out later and tear it to shreds (super pos)
youre too kind dude
having it hung up on the fridge is the highest form of praise
also feel free to provide an example of you ripping my art up like first i had the blood sacrifice i gotta see something more normal as a pallet cleanser or however you spell it
#UAAHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH#fun fact the drawing i put on the paper has only been seen by ONE FOLLOWER#because i made it for them in private cos they asked in dms lol#sometimes i miss them#platonically#which is weird its rare for me to miss people#they were chill tho#but ig too old#and i think i accidentally flirted twice which is so awkward#idek how to flirt i thought i was just being kind haha
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[ * being aroace and never (legitimately ever) having been in a romantic relationship but still feeling desperate for that supposed importance is. sure something. ]
#Random Ramblings#I just want to mean that much to certain people ig#But then again when faced with people having crushes on me it’s like. I don’t know what to do#Granted. I’ve only known two people to ever have had anything like that. Only one actually confessed when they had the crush#The other I don’t think likes me like that anymore#We’re still friends tho#So idk if it’s me actually not wanting to be in a relationship or just having zero experience with one#I just know that my brain sometimes puts people up on its pedestal of ‘They mean a lot to me I love interacting with them I want to be clos#-e to them!’ Then gets butthurt when the other person has other friends that it (or I. I guess.) perceive as being more important#I want to be important. I want to have their attention. I don’t know how to be liked by other people#At the end of the day idk I just don’t have a big sample size#And it always seems like other people realizing their aroace comes after having SOME kind of relationship. Even if they didn’t like it#I want to have the chance to not like it. I guess I’m jealous that others have had the chance to not like it#Feels a bit gross but. It’s probably just a thing that happens when you live?#Feel things you don’t want to feel. Think things you don’t want to think#Eugh man
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🤔
#i was walking to get a haircut earlier and i'm pretty sure i saw the guy i went on a date with back in June#i think we made eye contact and he was mouthing something? couldnt tell what or if it was a hi...#i was kinda in my own world with music and being on the phone so since i wasn't expecting to see him it took a min to register lol#walked up the block some thinking 'that was just Taylor right?' then turned around but dont think he did#it was one date but it was a really nice one and i've thought about him here/there#he wanted us to still be friends and i said i'd like that but he hasnt reached out--tho i did see him viewing my IG story recently#wondering if i should message him wondering if it actually was him but hmmm... iunno lol#has been kind of on mind since though#ore no inochi#reminds me i probably should get back to rewatching cardcaptor sakura which he got me doing lol#but for us now living in the same neighborhood for about 6 months i'm surprised we've only now possibly bumped into each other lil#*lol#[...i don't think i ever ate the ben & jerrys ice cream i bought at a bodega with him lol]
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