#that must be TERRIFYING. to an extent to both of them

[kat1nkulta]

I can’t stop thinking about Loop. Imagine doing everything, anything, to get out of a traumatic situation but the price is you. Your body is gone, your name is gone, your family doesn’t recognize you, you feel like most of your memories of them are gone too anyway. Suddenly you’re denied your identity. It’s like YOU never existed… and someone else took your place. You, whose biggest fears are forgetting and being forgotten in turn. You, who’s hesitant to change and now you’re forced to. You can’t even really blame anyone else because you did get your wish, right?

It’s explained clearly in the game, but the implications of it just hit me extra hard sometimes. Siffrin is as much of a study of Loop as Loop is of Siffrin. They share(d) their fears too so mal du pays words essentially becoming the truth to Loop is just… 🪨🪨🪨🙁🙁🙁💥💥💥💥

What do you do when all you have is ripped from you, all your worst fears come true, and youre forced to just… come to terms with it?

[forget-you-morelike-fuck-you]

That's What Friends Are For- E.M.

I've been really thirsty for Virgin!Bestfriend!Reader x Eddie so I poured myself this taaaallll drink of water. Hope you love it xx

You've never had an orgasm, and Eddie would be happy to help remedy that.

Part 2

Masterlist

TW- 18+ MINORS DNI!! Cursing, mentions of smoking, heavy petting, pet names (angel, sweetheart), a lil crying (but in a good way), fingering (lmk if I missed any)

Pairings- Virgin!Bestfriend!Reader x Eddie

Word Count- 4,802

(Gifs not mine, credit to owner!)

It wasn’t something that you’d normally ask, but with the haze of weed clouding your senses and the exaggerated moans of the poor actress being exploited for the dumb action movie you and Eddie were watching out of sheer boredom, you couldn’t help yourself. You turn to Eddie, the cogs in your head turning in overtime as the words reach your mouth before you can even put too much stock in them, “What does an orgasm even feel like?” Your eyes narrow as you imagine it, the sounds of the woman on screen echoing in your mind. There’s no way that real people sound like that, no, this is just some stupid movie that you and Eddie had never even heard of before digging it out of the pile of tapes beneath the TV. “I mean, I guess it’s gotta feel good, but does it feel that good?”  

While you ponder the probability of the sounds onscreen being at all accurate for real-world scenarios, Eddie’s face pales, the light high he’d been enjoying completely knocked out of his body at your words. Despite being best friends for the past several years, you never really talked about your sex lives with each other. For you, it was because it didn’t exist. For Eddie, it was because the only person he really wanted anymore was you. Every other person in town combined couldn’t interest him half as much as you, and he had definitely looked. Pining after your best friend for years wasn’t really something Eddie was interested in doing, not that it helped. Of course, the only reason you hadn’t made a move—aside from the fact that you were thoroughly terrified at the thought of being rejected—was because you thought that Eddie was something of a ladies’ man. You knew he was much more experienced than you, not that that was a difficult feat, but you knew that he at least went on dates. And you never wanted your attraction to him get in the way of your friendship anyway. If he liked you, he would’ve made a move sooner, right?  

Wrong. 

Eddie had fallen head over heels for you about a year after you had met, both of you juniors in high school. You went away with your family on vacation for a couple weeks that summer and came back... different. You were more confident, and even though it had only been a short separation, you looked different, more womanly than gangly teenager. He liked you before, but some switch inside his chest flicked, like the lights were finally turning on in some long-forgotten roller coaster ride. He’s had it bad for you ever since, suffering in silence because he knows how shy you used to be, and still are to some extent. He would never, ever want to do or say anything to make you uncomfortable, including putting his feelings on the line in exchange for your amazing friendship.  

Still, the news that you didn’t know what an orgasm felt like was surprising. He knew you were private about your dating life, and he always respected that. But you had had boyfriends before. And you were both in your early 20s now. Surely you had been with one of them. Or even figured it out on your own... 

“What?” is the brilliant response that flies from Eddie’s lips as his brain short circuits. You look back at his face, having wandered away, lost in thought. Eddie half expects you to backtrack, but still, to his surprise, you double down. 

“What does an orgasm feel like?” He can tell your Mary Jane consumption must be fueling this line of questioning, but if you’re really curious... 

“Um, well...” Eddie flounders, trying to find the words to say. You keep your focus on him, your thoughts trailing only slightly as you wait for him to respond. “It... It does feel really good. I don’t know exactly what it feels like for women, but for guys, at least, for me, it’s like my whole body kind of explodes, but in, like, the best way,”  

You mull this over for a moment, your eyes darting between Eddie’s face and the screen, which has since moved past the over-exaggerated sex scene back into shootouts between the good guy and the bad ones. “Okay, well, have any of the girls you’ve been with ever sounded like that?” You were genuinely curious, trying to imagine what could feel that good and coming up blank. 

Eddie chuckles a bit, eyes flicking up in a memory, “Well, one, but I’m pretty sure she was faking. Some women think they have to sound like that because that’s what the movies show them they’re supposed to sound like. But really, there are all different kinds of... sounds... that people make when they’re feeling that good,” he explains, his surprise relaxing now into amusement just slightly. 

“Oh,” You look back at the screen, apparently done with your questions. Eddie feels his heartbeat fading back into its normal rhythm after the near heart-attack you had inflicted upon him, and things go quiet for a minute before you turn your head back toward him, mouth poised open to speak. “Do you think—Never mind,” You quickly shove the thought back down your throat, remembering that Eddie’s not supposed to know you’ve been in love with him forever.  

The possibilities of what you were about to ask him makes his heart race again, until he’s burning to know. “What is it?” He asks, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. 

Your lips press together and shake your head as a heat spreads over your face, giving you a moment of clarity amid the warmth of the high. “No, it’s okay, it was a dumb question,” You wave your hand in dismissal, and pray that Eddie doesn’t press it further in fear of your mouth working faster than your logic. Of course, you have no such luck. 

“There are no dumb questions. If you want to know something, all you have to do is ask. Would I ever judge you for anything? And really think about that, because I’ve seen you pick a pickle up off the floor and eat it,” He laughs, trying to diffuse the tension. It helps a little, and with his reassurance and that fleeting moment of clarity far away, you open your mouth again, hesitating as you find the right words. 

“Do you think... that you could maybe... show me?”  

Eddie’s eyes bulge from his skull, and he’s afraid that his heart has totally stopped for a minute. But after an agonizing moment, a thick thump of his heart breathes life back into him, and he can only pray that you can’t hear it as it loudly thump, thump, thumps in his chest.  

“Show you..?” It’s a begging question. He’s not exactly sure which part you want to learn, and he wants to make sure he doesn’t assume anything. 

You turn away again, the mortification laying over you in a thick blanket. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have... You can forget it,” 

Eddie doesn’t want to mess this up, and the visions of you making such pretty little sounds for him, or better yet, unraveling under his touch, automatically send all of the spare blood in his body downward, so quickly that he almost becomes dizzy. He has to make an effort to shift his body to hide his growing erection as he tries to reassure you. “No, no! Don’t worry, I’m listening. It’s okay, I swear! What do you want me to show you? I... I can do my best,” His voice is sincere, sincere enough to make you look sheepishly back at him, your lashes low as you try not to look in his eyes. 

You take a deep breath, your head buzzing with adrenaline as you form the words. “Would you show me how to have an orgasm?”  

Eddie swallows hard, his Adam’s Apple bobbing in his throat. He’s trying so hard to make this seem as chill as possible, for both of your sakes. If he gets too eager too quickly, there’s no way he wouldn’t just bust in his pajama pants, and he might scare you. His mouth is dry as he nods quickly, “Um, yeah. I- I can definitely try,” He watches as your face grows redder by the second, but you give a small smile, one that makes Eddie lightheaded again as another shockwave of want shoots through his half-hard cock. “Do you want to go to my room?” He asks softly, gauging the look on your face as you still avoid his eyes.  

“Yeah,” You murmur, but your legs won’t move. There’s a want in you, despite not knowing how to indulge it, and as Eddie gets up from the couch, offering a hand to you, you take it and squeeze, finally looking up at him. Eddie feels like he might faint in that moment, your hazy eyes doe-like and innocent, not making it any easier for him to keep calm. He pulls you up to your feet and you follow him, your hand in his, to his room.  

You shut the door behind you, flicking the lock on the knob despite being the only ones home, and turn to face Eddie, who stands just behind you, still not believing what might happen. “S-so, um...” He begins, feet shuffling beneath him. “For girls, it’s a lot harder to... finish. It takes a lot of warming up first,” Your brow furrows. 

“Warming up?” A blush breaks out over Eddie’s cheeks, and he reaches out to let his fingers trace up your arm, ghosting over your shoulder and up your neck. A breath hitches in your throat as his palm cups your face, and suddenly, you think you might know what he means. Nevertheless, he explains. 

“It’s a lot easier when you’re feeling good from other things first. Like touching, kissing... things like that. It can be painful if you don’t do it right,” Your lashes flutter as he leans in slightly, and you can feel his warm breath fan over your face. 

“Oh,” Eddie lets out a breath of a laugh at your breathless response, and already you feel yourself turning to putty in his hands.  

“I want you to tell me if you don’t like something, okay? Don’t try to spare my feelings. If you want me to stop doing something, or you want me to do something specific, you tell me. Okay?” The demanding edge in his whispers snaps you back to reality, and you feel a warmth building deep within you. It’s nothing like you’ve ever felt before. Sure, shadows of this have been felt watching risqué movies with sex scenes or kissing your prior boyfriends awkwardly in the backs of their cars, but that pales in comparison. This is a new, deep burn in the very depths of your body. 

“Mhmm,” You try to lean closer to him, to feel more, but his other hand goes to your waist, holding you in place. Your eyes meet his, and they’re unexpectedly hard, his brown eyes serious as he looks at you. 

“I need you to say it. I need to know you can say it,” Your breath stutters again at his words, but still, you find your voice. 

“I- I don’t like that,” You whisper, and it’s all you can do. Eddie nods in approval, but his eyes want you to continue, “I want you... I want you to kiss me,” You can hear the hammer of your heart in your ears, your blood singing as the anticipation grows. Eddie’s eyes return to their normal softness, gazing into yours like he’s seeing the sun set over the ocean for the first time.  

“Are you sure?” Eddie whispers as he inches toward you, his face leaning down ever closer. This might be the closest you’ve ever been to him, and the thought sends a delicious shiver up your spine. His nose just brushes yours, and your eyes flutter shut. 

“I want you to kiss me, Eddie,” It’s barely a breath, but he hears you, and gently, gently, his lips meet yours, barely a brush of skin against skin. You hear him suck in a deep breath before letting his lips move against yours a little more firmly, the hand on your waist snaking around your back to pull you closer to him. You let your hands find the back of his hair, which is up in a cute, messy bun, and your fingers wind themselves around a few loose, curly tendrils there. Then, Eddie’s lips move across your cheek, down toward your jaw, and the first sound comes loose from your lips. 

It’s a tiny noise, but it might as well have been Eddie’s favorite song, the way he revels in it. He can feel the pounding of your heart in your chest as you press yourself against him, not really knowing what to do other than let Eddie work his way down your neck with his lips. “E-Eddie...” You whimper, hands gently grasping at the fabric at the back of his worn t-shirt.  

Eddie stops then, immediately, waiting for your instruction. He had gone too far, hadn’t he? He had done something to make you uncomfortable and now you’d never ever talk to him again... “Can we lay down?” You ask, breathy and quiet in his ear. He presses a firm kiss to the top of your shoulder in relief, elated that you were enjoying what was happening before pulling away. 

“Yeah, let’s get you comfy,” He smiles one of those easy, lopsided smiles that takes your breath away, and you feel the butterflies that usually reside in your stomach move downward to your core. You instinctively clench your thighs together to try to squash the foreign feeling, but as Eddie moves to lay down, you see the bulge in his loose pants, and it sends a new swarm flooding your body. With a deep breath, you join Eddie and lay next to him, his face only inches from yours. His hand reaches toward your face, gently brushing a few stray hairs behind your ear. “Do you want to just keep kissing, or are you ready to try something else?” He asks. You think it over, biting the inside of your lip as you bite back the embarrassment of being so inexperienced next to him.  

“Can we try something new and still do some kissing?” You smile sheepishly, not being able to hold his gaze as your face heats. He lets out a small laugh, not at you, but because you’re so nervous. 

“Yeah, we can do that. Is it okay if I touch you? I can just try a few things and you can figure out what you like,” He suggests, his eyes roaming over you. You’re not wearing a bra, because you never did when you and Eddie were just lounging around watching movies and smoking, something Eddie had to get used to quick when your body started really developing. Once or twice when he was a few years younger, he had to fake an upset stomach just to relieve his aching cock in the bathroom upon seeing your pert nipples through the fabric of one of his old t-shirts. 

“Yeah, I think I’d like that,” With your permission, Eddie’s fingers gently reach the hem of your shirt, slipping under and running his calloused fingertips over the smooth skin of your side. You let out a gasp, your eyes screwing shut, and he notices the way your hips move of their own accord, trying to scratch an itch you’ve never felt before. He has to bite back a moan of his own just at the sight of you, so beautiful, so willing beneath his capable hands. He lets out a shaky breath as his hand moves up your side, leaning in to kiss you like he said he would, like he was aching to do again, and you accept his lips greedily, your hands pressing into the sides of his face as he glides across your skin, not light enough to tickle, but enough to send tingles over your skin, goosebumps forming in the wake of his caress. 

When his hand comes to cup your breast, not daring to flick over the sensitive nub just yet, you let out your second noise as he gives a little squeeze there. This one is muffled by his lips, pressed firmly to yours, and the vibration of it shoots straight down to his cock, which twitches willfully in his pants, wanting you more and more every second that passes. 

With a light touch, Eddie lets his thumb just brush your nipple, and it sends an electric shock through you, leading to your third noise, a much sharper sound that almost sounds painful. But when your lips press into his even harder, Eddie is only spurred on and he does it again, then lets his full hand grope over the full mound, rubbing across your breast with his palm. Eddie lets his tongue trace over your bottom lip then, and you open your mouth to him, not really knowing how to kiss with tongue, but unwilling to stop to make a comment about it as your body ignites to a new level of fire and electricity.  

Your legs are continuously rubbing together now, the friction glorious but not enough, and you want to feel more. You’re panting in between the long stretches of kissing, and while you don’t want to stop, you also need to tell Eddie what you want. So, instead of rushing back to his kiss, you press your thumb gently to his bottom lip, pupils blown with need. “Can you take my shorts off?” You ask, your confidence building. Eddie nods all too eagerly, and he gets up onto his knees to shift town toward your bottom half. You roll onto your back and lift your butt to make it a bit easier for him, his hands finding purchase at your hips, fingers dipping just below the waistband when he stops. 

“Do you want me to take your underwear off too?” He asks, wanting to be sure. You bite your lip again as the embarrassment floods back. 

“I’m not wearing any...” You admit, giving a small smile. His hands grip at your hips a bit harder then, and his sharp breath only helps your growing need. This is the most beautiful you’ve ever seen him, towering over you like this. You can see the long outline of his length through his pants now, and you let your mind wonder what could happen if this goes even further than you originally intended. It’s enough to make your hips roll in Eddie’s hands as he starts pulling down your sleep shorts. You close your eyes, trying to keep your embarrassment from making you chicken out when you’re finally about to get what you’ve always wanted. 

“Holy shit,” Eddie breathes, and your eyes shoot open as you stare at him, mortification building in your chest. 

“What? Is it bad? Do I look weird?” You ask in a flurry. Your hands go to cover your face, thighs clenching together to spare yourself when Eddie pries your legs apart again. 

“What? God no! You look... You look fucking amazing,” There’s a wonder in his voice, and you peek through your fingers to find him staring down at you, the look on his face amorous, hungry almost, like you’re his favorite meal in the world. It takes you aback, but nevertheless, there’s a twitch in your hips again, seeking a friction that you can no longer achieve for the time being. Eddie gently lowers himself on top of you, and you let out a moan when you feel the fabric of his pants brushing over your bare pussy. You let your hands fall as you try to push yourself into him, but there’s a hand holding onto your hip now to keep you down. “Oh my god, please, can you try not to do that right now? I am already in serious danger here, angel. If I feel even a little bit of you against my dick I’m fucking done for,” Eddie breathes a laugh to cover the moan in his voice, his face hovering over yours. 

“B-but I want—” Eddie cuts you off with a deep kiss, his hand squeezing into your hip as you desperately try to feel him against you again. 

“Not tonight, sweetheart. I want this one to be about you, okay? If you still want to in the morning, we can circle back,” Eddie offers, and you give a small nod. “Okay, then. I’m gonna touch you now, okay? I’ll go nice and slow. If you want me to change what I’m doing, just tell me,” You nod again and the hand gripping your hip travels down and his lips meet the hollow of your neck, giving just a tiny nip at the skin that sends your hips up again in need. Eddie tries to hold it in, but he can’t help but moan softly against your skin as he continues his journey.  

His fingers ghost just over the sensitive bud of nerves then, and the shock that goes through your body is even more intense than before when he was playing with your nipple. Your arms fling around his back and you grip the fabric of his t-shirt like a lifeline. “I’m gonna take good care of you,” Eddie whispers as he travels up your neck, “I’m gonna make you feel so good,”  

The promise is punctuated by a soft circle around your clit, and your whimper is so pathetic it startles you as it tumbles from your lips. You can feel how wet you are now; how hot your core is against his fingertips. It’s so blissful, so wanton that you feel your walls clenching around nothing, another new feeling that sends your head reeling. Eddie continues his gentle pattern around your bud, sucking sweet bruises into the skin below your ear between whispers of sweet nothing that spur you forward on your quest into the unknown world of this beautiful feeling. 

“E-Eddie,” You plead, head thrown back in pleasure. Your fingers pull his shirt so that your hands connect with his skin, “Can you go—Can you go a little f-faster, please?” Eddie nods into the crook of your neck as he complies, fingers moving just a bit faster, a bit firmer against you, and your chest starts heaving in pants again, moans spilling from your mouth more freely now. You grind into his hand pathetically as the intense pleasure grows. You feel like you could cry at the feeling, so blissful and beautiful and everything you’ve ever dreamed of as Eddie works you further and further, his lips only ever leaving your skin to whisper sweet nothings to you. 

“You’re doing so good... I can’t believe I get to do this for you... Been wanting you like this for so long...” Eddie nips and sucks and licks across your neck, up your face, across your lips, and you’re just so consumed by him that you feel hot little pinpricks in the corners of your eyes, your throat going thick as the tears begin. 

When Eddie catches sight of the first one, he slows his work on your core, afraid that you had changed your mind. “Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?” You feel a pang of panic then, not really knowing why but knowing that you were desperate to reach the edge you were approaching. You pull at his shirt, not being able to verbalize your excruciating need for a second. 

“No, no!” You plead, “Don’t stop, please... I just... Please don’t stop...” You don’t know why you’re crying. Maybe because it feels so good, maybe because the emotions are just so new that your body is startled by them. Either way, Eddie is reluctant but believes you, because he trusts you and you trust him so completely that you don’t think that there’s any way that either of you would or even could hurt each other. 

Eddie picks up the pace again, his lips focusing on yours now to help keep you from crying. Your fingernails scratch up his back as you whine and writhe beneath him, coming closer and closer to something. There’s a tenseness in your stomach now, and it’s building. There must be a precipice close, a pinnacle to all of this pleasure and need Eddie has been giving you. Your panting breaths become more ragged, and Eddie gets the feeling that you’re close. 

“That’s it, angel. You gonna cum for me?” He practically moans against your mouth, and it’s another agonizing minute of this pressure inside you building before you feel it.  

Your hands clench Eddie’s shirt as you unravel. Your tears are flowing freely down your face, mouth open in a loud moan that reverberates on the walls of Eddie’s small room. Eddie keeps drawing circles over your clit as you ride through the waves of your first ever orgasm, kissing down to the top of your chest and back up to add to the pleasure. Finally, you feel it start to subside, the wide waves lessening into ripples as your breath starts to even out again. Eddie slows down again, and finally stops after a few more seconds, wanting to draw out your bliss as much as he can. He kisses you deeply, the hand on your pussy traveling up to grip your side, sliding up past the hem of your shirt as he holds you firm. You can feel the slick on his fingers cooling down on your skin, and it sends a new wave of shivers through your body.  

You kiss each other for a long time, not wanting to go back to reality where you’re just friends, but finally you have to pull away for air. You look at each other, both of you quiet. There’s a new electricity in the air, charged with the anticipation of what you’ll say to each other now that everything has changed.  

“How was that?” Eddie settles on, his brow set in a concerning furrow. He wants to make sure that you had the best experience he could’ve offered you, because that’s what you deserve. You deserve to feel this good all the time. 

Your soft eyes bore into his and you nod slowly, trying to etch every detail of this night into your memory forever. “It was amazing. You are...” Your hand comes to hold his face, and he leans into your touch in such a way that your heart melts for him even more. “You’re so amazing, Eddie, thank you.” You give a little laugh then, at how silly it sounds for you to thank your friend for giving you an orgasm. Eddie laughs a little too, and he stretches his lips to kiss the edge of your palm. 

“Anything for my favorite girl,” He whispers, smiling that easy smile that you love so much. Pride sparkles in your chest at his words. God, you love him so much... 

“So...” You feel a blush creeping on your face again, “You’ve been wanting me... like this?” You think back to the words he whispered against your neck that made your insides turn to mush. 

Eddie flicks his eyes away from you, embarrassed. “You caught that, huh?” 

“Was I not supposed to?” You giggle, your smile sending shockwaves through Eddie’s body. 

“Well, I just didn’t think you would. You seemed to be pretty distracted if I recall,” He jabs playfully, his gaze returning to you. His eyes soften at his next thought, “What do you think about that?” 

This is it, this is where everything changes. It’ll never be the same after this. “I...” You begin, building your courage. “I’ve been wanting that, too.”  

Eddie’s face moves through confusion, surprise, and then settles on joy, his smile widening to reach his sparking brown eyes. “Yeah? You’ve been wanting that too?” Your smile matches his as you nod, letting out a breath of a laugh with the relief settling in your chest. 

Suddenly, Eddie squeezes you in a bone crushing hug, peppering kisses over your face as you giggle. His lips settle on yours again, and it’s like taking a drink of cool water after wandering in the desert. You don’t know if you’ll ever get used to this, but by God, you’d be happy to. 

You keep kissing and cuddling for a long time, talking like you usually do, how best friends do, but now it’s just better. Best friends, but there’s no more hesitancy, no more wishing for more, because now, you have everything you could ever want. 

[waltricia]

Bridgerton season 2 episode 3, “A Bee in Your Bonnet” is ✨magic✨ and let me tell you why.

For those of us who didn’t read the book and knew nothing of what was going to happen, we truly went on an incredible and surprising roller coaster of an experience.

We start the episode with seeing the guy from Hellboy and being like ‘oh yay, it’s the guy from Hellboy!’

… only for him to die three minutes later. And that scene is rough. It’s sudden and abrasive. And the sounds are jarring. The death is scored by tense strings. Then a moment of quiet. Then the AMAZING Ruth Gemmell begins taking us on Violet’s traumatic grief journey, which starts with her jolting Anthony (and us) out of the quiet.

And a thunderous heartbeat threatens him as he walks toward this entirely altered, unwanted life path. And that’s obviously the beginning of his PTSD.

In the other flashbacks throughout the episode, we continue to hear horrific, heart-rending pain radiate out of Violet while Anthony must not only attempt to endure it, but cover his own grief. Anthony and his siblings (and again, we the audience) all have to listen to Violet grieve while she’s giving birth! Screams on top of screams.

And the last flashback is technically quiet, but just as devastating because, like the moment of Edmund’s death, the quiet is weaponized. It signifies the death inside Violet.

It should go without saying that Jonathan Bailey is also a brilliant actor, but I’ll say it now anyway. Damn, he good! He and Ruth partnered perfectly in this grief journey. Serious props to them both because I felt this shit.

And then finally we come to the end. We had been immersed in the horrible aftermath of that striking tragedy. Between the flashbacks- in the present day- we had followed Anthony through the rooms and grounds where he had suffered silently. We had seen Edmund’s grave. We had learned that Anthony’s greatest fears and insecurities all stemmed from that tragic event ten years prior.

And then another fucking bee comes along.

And I swear to god, the first time I watched this, when Kate got stung, my heart was pounding, I was terrified, and my instinctive reaction was “oh my god, is she going to die?!” In hindsight, it’s obviously insane to think that she would be killed off at all, let alone in this scene. But the very fact that, for a moment, that was a legitimate fear I had is exactly why this episode is so god damn brilliant. I felt what Anthony felt. And I’m not the only one! I’ve seen other people’s similar reactions to this scene. The episode really is a roller coaster; easy, lighthearted moments (pall mall, drug tea), interspersed with the terrifying drops and loops that are Anthony’s painful memories which constantly haunt him. And then it brought us right back to that first traumatic moment. Because Anthony has PTSD! And that’s what PTSD does. Anthony is right back where he was, literally not far from the same spot outside Aubrey Hall, standing in front of a person he loves, watching them get stung by a bee on almost the same spot on their body. The tense string scoring comes back and Anthony panics because he’s completely helpless again.

And all of those elements- the setting, the scoring, the acting- combined to terrify us and make us forget something critical: most people don’t die from beestings.

And here’s where it gets really profound for me. Because it’s not just about how we feel Anthony’s fear. It’s also about how Kate completely obliterates it. Without knowing that history and without realizing the full extent of what her actions would mean, she does exactly the right thing. Rather than die and rather than also panic or shy away from his vulnerability, she meets it with her own in the form of care and steady assurance, which is true strength. And in so doing, she stops this cyclical moment in its tracks and completely alters the trauma. She puts his hand on her heart, and the heartbeat comes back. But this time, it’s not threatening. It’s inviting.

And just like in the first scene, the moment is over all too quickly. Just like in that scene, Anthony is thrust onto a new path. But where that moment was damaging, this one is healing. And we feel that too. And it’s the greatest experience that art can give us.

It’s catharsis.

And that’s why this episode is magic. 🐝✨

[moineauz]

જ⁀ 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 are you to 𝐌𝐄 ?

To Blade, you were the sun stretching over a vibrant pasture of may flowers that broke like the golden yolk of an egg.

To Blade, you were the twirling winds of summertime as your smile emulated the very warmth of the sun and a dash of charming playfulness which never once failed to lighten the strain of burdens. Naturally flowing away like a stream of water or a feather in the wind.

To Blade, your patience was as steadfast and serene as a lake in still waters, the moon dancing overhead while you planted stars on his scars through tender kisses he did not deserve. Boundless and ever so infinite like your soul.

To Blade, you were both an instrument and it’s player: a sweet melody that echoed in his ears every daunting moment when the whispers of the past clouded his mind. Spotlight gracing your skin as the tunes of a forgotten tenderness swirled up into the air like the steam of tea rising from a cup. Thus, no matter his efforts or restraint, Blade kept finding himself at your front door, and thus, in your arms. Time and time again.

To Blade, each step you graced the ground with brought forth life: a child’s laughter, an old woman’s smile, the scent of honeysuckles. That was all your doing.

And Blade, was forever a shadow of destruction that was doomed to a life as devoid and blank as a starless night. Nevertheless, you were the stars. You littered yourself in his life; setting a subtle twinkle in the abyssal night of his being despite his lifeless form.

You were made of cosmic dust, maple wood and all the collective dreams of the universe. And Blade, who was undone bit by bit, followed you like a shadow looming behind in longing.

It had been so long since another soul touched him without underlying motives. He feared that.

Why did you harbour him in your house absent of fear? Why did your persistence invoke warm sensations? Why did your eyes unfailingly meet his?

Blade was keen on understanding you, yet, he gradually realized there was simply nothing to understand. Truth rolled of your tongue with ease and as for Blade, it got stuck in his throat, dying off. Yes, you were far from perfect, nevertheless, you carried yourself despite every thorn pricking your skin. Carving your way through each cavern; leaving subtle traces of discovery for him to follow.

The feeling swelled in his chest like a disease— and it terrified him. And yet, he could not put a name to it. A name to how his eyes lingered a touch longer than they should or how you rubbed his back. (And for the first time, he did not flinch at your touch or grab you by the arm.)

Thus, when the Astral Express offered you the chance to become a passenger, Blade clenched his fist and held his breath.

It was no wonder they asked you. After all, you were the polar opposite of what a Stellaron Hunter should be. You were amiable, mindful, calm, merciful yet seemingly lighthearted like a child.

Blade told himself that he dared not involve himself. You were a person of your own free will. Thus, you would deal with the consequences. There was no regard for him.

Nevertheless, the urge to tear you away from the conversation thrummed through his vile veins.

However, your reply would be forever ingrained in his sullen memory for the rest of eternity.

"I am honoured that you would consider me Mr. Yang," you articulate kindly, a smile reaching your lips, "But, I'm afraid I must decline."

"Oh? How so?"

You emit a silky chuckle, "If you asked me three years ago, I would have readily agreed," you pause then continue with vibrant eyes, "But, there are people I care for with my own life. It would be my biggest regret to leave them."

Until Blade can learn to fathom the extent of his own emotions, he will continue to linger beside you like a phantom or a shadow. Subconsciously yearning to nestle himself in your warmth, yet, always going through, a mere ghost of an absent lover in your presence.

masterlist

more angst :0 i think most of my blog will be angst lmao. btw this was originally posted on my other account @/mignonne02. i just took it down there. thank you for all the support! it makes me really excited to write more >> (please request btw) especially on my last post (diluc angst for life)

[jubileemon]

Hazbin Hotel: The Terrifying Reality of Overlord Domination

Both Husk and Angel Dust are victims of their circumstances, having their souls bound to the will of their overlords. Their experiences mirror real-world issues of abuse and exploitation, where individuals are trapped in cycles of control at the hands of those with power over them.

While both characters are subjected to manipulation and control, the nature and extent of their abuse differ significantly, reflecting the individual sadistic tendencies of their overlords. Valentino exhibits traits of control and abuse. Alastor's sadistic tendencies and enjoyment in inconveniencing Husk are paralleled by Valentino's predatory behavior towards his workers like Angel Dust.

While Husk's servitude to Alastor is marked by manipulation and intimidation, Angel Dust's experience with Valentino is characterized by sexual exploitation and abuse. These narratives serve as a grim reflection of real-life issues, where individuals find themselves trapped in cycles of control and mistreatment at the hands of those with power.

Valentino's Control Over Angel Dust

Valentino exerts control over Angel Dust through a soul contract, inflicting pain and torture as a means of coercion. His actions escalate to heinous levels, including sexual exploitation and physical violence, as he seeks to punish Angel Dust for his defiance and escape from servitude.

Bound by a demonic contract to Valentino, a moth demon, Angel's autonomy over his soul is compromised. This contract, which he signed under his given name, Anthony, effectively transfers ownership of his soul to Valentino, leaving him at the mercy of the demon's whims. The contract's terms are non-negotiable and enforce a grim reality where Angel must comply with Valentino's demands, no matter how degrading or exhausting they may be.

Husk's Fall from Grace and Enslavement to Alastor

In contrast, Alastor maintains a psychological grip on Husk, leveraging his vices and inducing fear to ensure compliance. Despite occasional gestures that may seem friendly, Alastor's true nature is revealed in moments of rage, where he threatens Husk with severe consequences for disobedience, highlighting his capacity for cruelty.

Once an Overlord, Husk experienced a fall from power after a losing streak in gambling led him to Alastor. The bet that cost him his soul also stripped him of his status, leaving him in a state of servitude to the Radio Demon. This power dynamic is a stark reminder of the precariousness of status in the underworld.

The episode 'Dad Beat Dad' serves as a chilling example of the extent of Alastor's control over Husk. When Husk dares to mention Alastor's own soul contract, he is met with uncharacteristic fury and threats of violence. This encounter leaves Husk in a state of terror, illustrating the abusive power wielded by overlords like Alastor.

His immediate threat to destroy Husk's soul if he divulges any information is a display of psychological warfare. The fear instilled in Husk, leaving him a 'shivering, terrified wreck,' is indicative of the abusive power Overlords hold over their subordinates. This incident serves as a reminder that Alastor's charisma masks a deeply sadistic nature, which can be as harmful as the physical abuse perpetrated by Valentino.

The Shared Victimhood of Husk and Angel Dust

Hazbin Hotel's portrayal of Husk and Angel Dust's situations is a grim reflection of the terror that comes with being under the thumb of an overlord. The show's narrative serves as an allegory for real-world power imbalances and the devastating impact they can have on individuals, making it a poignant commentary on abuse and the struggle for autonomy.

[muffinsin]

Muffin! Muffin! Who do you think is the jealous type between the sisters, and to what extent does this jealousy go?

Double post today!!🙌

Hey there :) here’s a few quick thoughts of mine on this:

(Masterlists)

While they love each other incredibly much, and would even go so far as to die to protect one another and their mother, there certainly is jealousy between them

And not only a little bit, too

Bela is sometimes jealous of her younger sisters due to how carefree they are

Especially Daniela has never known the burdens of the eldest sister that Bela carries daily

Sometimes, at quiet times, she finds herself grieving for the carefreeness she rarely experienced, and is in turn incredibly jealous of her sisters for it

Sometimes, she can’t help it, she’s especially hard on Daniela because of this, but always apologizes and makes it up to her after

Another thing she’s a little jealous of- something she finds rather silly herself- is Cassandra’s hair color

Bela is an extreme Mommy’s girl. She tries to be just like her mama, wants to be as smart and beautiful and intimidating and kind and successful as her

Wants to make her so happy!

But, maybe above all, Bela wants people to know that she’s hers

And people do, certainly, having heard of the three terrifying daughters of Alcina Dimitrescu

Yet, sometimes she can’t help but think that a stranger would have a hard time guessing she’s her daughter due to her different appearance

Whereas Cassandra…with her similar build and brunette hair that, when wet, looks just like Alcina’s shade of black…

She never brings this jealousy up, and tries hard not to think about it

Never does she act differently towards Cassandra for it, either. She loves her little sister, will always protect her, though can’t help a pang of jealousy when Cassandra asks her to play with her hair on stormy nights

It only ever creeps up on her on bad days, when she finds herself crying a little, seeing the blonde strands in the corner of her eye

And lastly, a type of jealousy all three share equally; surrounding the question of who mama’s favorite is

Secretly, all think it’s them

Bela especially is sure it must be her. Mama showers her in praise, and she works so hard! She’s the eldest. Mama’s first born!

And yet, it rubs her the wrong way when Daniela, obviously trying to rile her older sisters up, sing songs about how she is the obvious favorite

In return, both other sisters snarl in annoyance whenever the third claims the same

They will forever love one another, but Alcina has often found them play-fight and bite at each other in a fight to settle who the favorite is- something Alcina tries hard to assure them is no such thing

Cassandra certainly experiences jealousy as well

At times, she wishes she was seen more

She knows her role as the huntress, knows this is what she enjoys and what she’s good at

Yet, she can’t help but be jealous of how Daniela can effortlessly wrap their mother around her finger, or how close Bela and Mother seem to be due to them working together

She would never indulge it, let alone show it, but secretly craves to be the favorite

She wants to be loved more than others, seen more than others. She knows this is wrong, knows Alcina loves them all equally

She can’t help it though, still

As such, a nasty type of jealousy settles in her on bad days whenever her sisters are gifted something or praised

She knows, Mother would do the exact same to her, often even does a moment later, and yet that jealousy doesn’t go away

Unlike her older sister, Cassandra chose not to be alone with this, though

On a particularly bad day, when jealousy and insecurity was eating her alive- a rare time for her- she decided to confide in Bela

Curled up in her bed together, held close by her older sister, Cassandra shared most of these thoughts then

And they certainly get better, if only for a while

In a way, Bela manages to make the jealousy go away by spending this time with her younger sister, showing her that she too has someone wrapped around her finger, someone that loves her unconditionally, someone to take care of her

She’s grateful for it, though rarely voices it. She knows her sister knows, though

And lastly, Cassandra is at rare times plagued by another kind of jealousy

Now, to say she’s jealous of the duke would be an incredible overstatement

She scowls when she looks at the man-thing, if she looks at him at all

No, she finds herself better than him in every single way…except one

The freedom he has

Not only can he be out in winter, but he can move past the village, exploring the world and bringing back items obtained from cities and towns across the world

She can only sigh dreamily at the thought of the world, curled up by the invisible line her mother drew in the forest. The line her and her sisters are not to cross, even when hunting

The line to the outside world

Daniela, although some might think she has all she wants, can certainly experience jealousy as well

Now, often this is mixed with awe, or sadness

For example, she often finds herself wishing, begging and praying to Mother Miranda that she could be just like Bela, so smart and cool headed, controlled and strategic, so eager to learn and study effortlessly

Alas, she is hardly any of these things, no matter how hard she tries

Textbooks bore her, literature hardly captures her interest

She can’t figure out the maths and diagrams Bela studies so hard at work

She’s often reassured; she doesn’t need to. She’s the baby of the family, her eldest sister’s got it

If only she could be like Bela.., she sometimes thinks, unsure whether she is jealous or in utter awe of her older sister. Or perhaps both

Cassandra is the same case

Often, Daniela wishes she could be as strong and powerful as her, as skilled at the hunt, as intimidating

But no matter how hard she tries, she never gets as good as her older sister

Often, this frustrates her, has her cry or lash out at her sisters only to end up coming crying to them, apologizing and asking Cassandra for another story of her recent hunts

And of course even Alcina falls into the category of her jealousy and awe

She wants to be as beautiful as her, though is ever impatient of why that doesn’t work

She’s stuck in her body, growing older, yet never looking it

She can never look as mature and rich as Alcina, always stuck looking like the young twenty-something baby of the family

And still, this type of jealousy hardly extends to things. Often, it makes her more clingy though and in need of reassurance

A far uglier type of jealousy is the one she experiences as it comes to the maidens

Often, and she doesn’t even know why, she feels intense waves of jealousy when a maiden approaches her sisters

Whether she lives or not is irrelevant to Daniela

“Why wasn’t I the chosen one?!”, she often thinks then

She especially hates it when Bela is fancied by the maidens, knowing her older sister rarely indulges them and throws them no hints at all!

It’s as though she gets them completely effortlessly, while Daniela tries so hard for love and is often unsuccessful

Once, it got very ugly, something she deeply regrets even as Bela is long over it

During a particularly emotional and hard time for her, when she lashed out and tore her claw-like nails through the maid that was on her best way to becoming her sister’s partner

She never meant to take away her sister’s happiness..she just couldn’t stand the way the woman looked at her sister and not her

Never did something like that happen again, but, much to Daniela’s dismay, the thoughts often return

All in all, the three sisters love each other more than anything else, except maybe Alcina, and are willing to do anything for one another

They will always be one another’s priority, despite the jealousy and fights that often naturally come up between them

[kiwisa]

grid dynamics ✩ the harpy

F1 Grid x Fem! Driver! OC

⏤ series masterlist

✩ GEORGE RUSSELL

#GEOSTRÉE... ıllı NOW PLAYING: You’re My Best Friend, Queen !

George was the first person to welcome her, to reach out to her. If their meeting seems to have been determined by the fact that Astrée debuted with Williams, the extent to which her teammate went to put her at ease shows the sincerity of his intentions. Very quickly, their collegial relationship turned into a true friendship that kept growing until Astrée came to consider George as her best friend. If it is usually complicated for her to open up to others, George soon imposed himself as an obvious choice.

He has in a way become her pillar in Formula One, being her protector and mediator on the paddock, whether with the press or the other drivers, both of whom can sometimes take Astrée's unintentionally rude gestures badly.

George is always pushing his friend to try new things, dragging her into messy plans like post-race parties where the alcohol flows freely or holidays spent climbing mountains—Astrée hates hiking.

Since Astrée's transfer to Red Bull and George's to Mercedes, the two former Williams drivers don't see each other as much as they used to, but they take advantage of the races to catch up and they sometimes even fly to see each other, either in Monaco (where Astrée lives) or in London. At each break, whether summer or winter, they spend one or two days together. It has become a tradition that has yet to be broken.

✩ CHARLES LECLERC

#CHASTRÉE... ıllı NOW PLAYING: Bad Liar, Selena Gomez !

It took Charles a long time to dare to approach Astrée. He was intimidated by her. It must be said that he is perhaps one of the only drivers to have followed her career closely, and not only when her arrival in F1 was announced. The many praises he heard from his brother Arthur in F2 didn't help either to shake off the image of Astrée as a racing prodigy. The first time they really spoke was when Astrée congratulated Charles on his podium finish at Silverstone⏤which ended with a DNF for the woman⏤three months after she had joined the grid. If Astrée hadn't made the first move⏤which in itself is a miracle⏤they could have gone on for a long time without talking to each other.

The reason for this is very simple. Although he will never admit it, even under torture, Charles has developed a little crush on the French girl since he discovered her existence. Unfortunately for him, not admitting it doesn't mean he doesn't show it: this boy has no concept of discretion. Looking at her with puppy dog eyes and blushing every time she deigns to speak to him are not the definition of "secret." Internet users put two and two together rather quickly and, since then, ship them together.

Excluding his inability to function normally around her, the two French speakers have managed to build a strong friendship, which is underrated on the paddock and internet, perhaps because we see her more with George or Lando. Yet, Charles is the mediator between her and Max and perhaps the only one who gets them to talk to each other without insults.

✩ LANDO NORRIS

#LASTRÉE... ıllı NOW PLAYING: True Love, Pink !

Lando is the perfect example of the bad first impression Astrée can trigger in others. Outwardly cold, as she is reserved and cautious by nature, Astrée was immediately intimidating to the young Britishman. Although they are almost the same age, Lando's reactions to Astrée suggest that he is much younger than she is. Fearful of confronting her on the track, of talking to her, the driver is never at ease when the Frenchwoman is near him. Even the simple fact of being in the same room as her terrifies him: Astrée is silent, cold, charismatic, unpredictable and Lando hates it.

However, what started out as a distance between the two due to shyness on Astrée's part and some form of intimidation on Lando's has evolved into a friendship with a unique dynamic that many internet users love for the content that emerges from it. Lando and Astrée are like cat and mouse. And Astrée is definitely not the mouse.

Numerous videos⏤there would be enough to make an hour-long compilation (fans often have a field day doing precisely that)⏤have captured all the times Astrée has terrorised Lando. If at first she didn't realise it and just found this Englishman rather strange… she soon understood what was going on and learned to use it to her advantage to get her daily dose of happiness. There's something hilarious about seeing an almost 25-year-old man screaming because of her "hello." She can't help it: her sadistic side comes out with Lando.

If the latter is the victim of her numerous attacks, he can count on his tormentor to also be his defender. Every time someone other than her dares to make fun of the McLaren driver, they are violently put in their place by Astrée.

Even though Lando still fears the woman, he knows that these seemingly sadistic gestures are actually a way for her to express her friendship (he would prefer words of affirmation or gifts but, as the famous saying goes, it is what it is).

✩ DANIEL RICCIARDO

#ASTRIEL... ıllı NOW PLAYING: Here Come The Sun, The Beatles !

No one thought these two would get along, but they proved to everyone that opposites can sometimes be a good fit. If one is the sun and the other, the moon, their differences allow them to reach a certain balance that just works. They complement each other so well. Daniel can drop his constant positivity around Astrée for a few moments without her judging him and Astrée can, for once, let down her guard.

Astrée is never as smiley as when she is with Daniel, and everyone sees that ⏤ drivers and internet users alike. Many times, the woman has been spotted bursting into laughter. This is rare in the paddock and when it happens, you can be sure that Daniel was the one to tell the joke. Like George, Daniel pushes Astrée out of her comfort zone and shows her that showing positive feelings is not a sign of weakness but can become a strength.

Since he has become Red Bull's reserve driver, and therefore they don't see each other at every race⏤running into each other once in a blue moon at the HQ is not the same⏤, many people notice that Astrée has turned in on herself, and smiles even less than before. The one who managed to calm the storm is no longer there to chase away the clouds, to the great displeasure of the others who thought they would see a lull on the paddock and track. This does not mean she tried to dissuade Daniel from making this choice, however. On the contrary, it was she who convinced him to leave McLaren: Astrée always has his back and will not stand to see anyone disrespecting him.

✩ LEWIS HAMILTON

#ASTRIS... ıllı NOW PLAYING: Your Song, Elton John !

Their beginnings were somewhat catastrophic, full of awkwardness, embarrassing moments, and sickly shyness (see their first conversation after the Imola GP) which can be explained by the great esteem Astrée has for Lewis. If he is not the one who inspired her to start racing⏤she owes that to a certain Michael Schumacher⏤he was the one who proved to her that everything was possible even when the world was against you. Lewis is, therefore, the only person who manages to intimidate Astrée. Normally, the exact opposite occurs (see Lando or Charles' personal experiences).

Astrée took a long time to get over the fact that yes, she knew The Lewis Hamilton and that, yes, this same Lewis Hamilton wanted to get acquainted. Their friendship was one that happened in private, away from the cameras. If various interactions on Twitter or comments on Instagram showed everyone that they are friendly acquaintances, the outings to Monaco, the skydiving, and the few holidays spent together were kept secret.

The transition from friendship to love went smoothly after a year of a somewhat ambiguous connection. These two are very much in love but remain hidden, for the same reasons as their friendship was: apart from the desire to keep it to themselves, they want to avoid hateful comments on the internet. They have no plan to launch their idyll any time soon, preferring to enjoy each other's company without being judged by strangers. They are well aware that their considerable age gap would be a bone of contention.

If they⏤and particularly Astrée⏤are determined to protect their relationship, it is because the latter acts as a true protective bubble for both of them. Astrée is the only one who understands Lewis and manages to take the weight off his shoulders. The opposite is also true, but, above all, he helps her to get past the criticisms which, despite two years, continue to persist.

No one knows about it, except for George who has become their diversion, but some suspect it. Probably because Astrée is shipped with every driver. Perks of being the only female driver, I guess.

✩ MAX VERSTAPPEN

#MAXÉE... ıllı NOW PLAYING: Me And The Devil, Soap&Skin !

Many thought that these two would get on well together. Two drivers with a sharp competitive spirit and a cold appearance: it seemed written in the stars. Their way of being on and off the track is quite similar. Perhaps a little too much so. For many, it is this very similarity that is the source of their discord. Rather than seeing the things they have in common as an opportunity for friendship, they become a weakness, a mirror held up to them that they would rather ignore.

They make everyone’s—the other drivers included—heads spin as their relationship constantly oscillates between hate and friendship. Many paradoxical gestures do not help internet users to determine what is going on between them. While Astrée abandoned her race at the 2021 Silverstone GP to help Max and suggested that two of the season's best drivers were getting along, the Frenchwoman's past tweets criticising him and the many jabs at each other in press conferences suggest otherwise. The chaos that was the 2021 Netherlands GP gave the final blow to what might have been.

For these two, the professional ruins the personal. It is impossible for them to get past the status of rivals and bond. Every time they interact, each other's victories and defeats come back to the front like bad memories—which they essentially are.

Astrée's transfer to Red Bull did not help. On the contrary, it has reinforced the immense rivalry between these two: neither of them wants to be the second driver. What was supposed to be a dream team—made up of two exceptional drivers that everyone expected and feared—quickly turned into a nightmare where chaos and quarrels coexist, much to the dismay of one Christian Horner who would very much like to send them to couples therapy.

✩ taglist !

@xcharlottemikaelsonx @i0veless @simping4marauders @muglermami @fxllfaiiry @exatse @lilsiz @iloveandsuffer @notaceventura @missamericana69 @kageyamama-hinatatata @gentlemonsterjennie1 @sad1esgf @16solace @kenanlotus0 @till1am @itsnotgray @starkwlkr @missflobelova @mehrmonga @crimeshowjunkie @anicega @kosmosgalore @lovemarvel16 @charles-dimple @hiding-behindmy-glasses @serenityleah @flowerchild-96 @hopiiex @ivegotparticulartaste @jivas0 @screechingtrashkid @gxp30 @lauren--maex @idkiwantchocolatee @javden @lighttsoutlewis @rowansshit @like-fire-love-blog @ironmaiden1313 @tpwkforevermore @thydarkestknight @almostjollypizza @sunfairyy @scuderialavender @erinisrightheree @f1version @motorsp0rt @mango-bear @xoxmariaxox @rippl3s @mactavishly

[kyouka-supremacy]

The thing about how Atsushi deals with Akutagawa is. Atsushi has always been terrified of retailing against his oppressors: to him, his oppressors were always in positions of power that he found impossible to rebel against. Akutagawa, on the other hand, was the first person Atsushi met who was socially accepted to fight back against. Akutagawa was presented to him as the big bad guy, everyone's evil enemy. Atsushi's got personal beef with him for how he treated Kyouka (which is very important for Atsushi, because if he never had it within him to stand for himself, at least he can stand for others). The person Atsushi looks up to the most repeatedly and unapologetically mistreats Akutagawa. Then mistreating Akutagawa must be allowed, right?

It's truly remarkable how despite the guess one would take judging from their good side / evil side affilations, more often than not it's Atsushi going for Akutagawa's throat than the other way round. Sure, Akutagawa threatens to kill Atsushi all the time– but that's exactly the point‚ he never actually follows through‚ and his real actions actually end up telling us his intentions are quite the opposite (re: “I won't kill you today because you look miserable” *saves Atsushi's life* *saves Atsushi's life* *dies to save Atsushi's life*). On the contrary, Atsushi's ALWAYS trying to attack Akutagawa both verbally and physically. Remember that time in chapter 51 when Dazai was keeping them separate? Back then, Akutagawa very much wasn't the one actively trying to attack the other. Not to mention the “You fight 'cos you want to be feared– that's far more worthless in my book” and of course the “It's no wonder Dazai-san chose to abandon you and disappear”. There's even the “if a fight is what you want, then I'll take you on” like lmao, of course you will. The thing is, Atsushi has always found it socially acceptable to retail against, loathe, fight and hurt Akutagawa no-guilt-attached like he never had the chance to with any other abuser. Please keep in mind how thanks to Dead Apple we know that the only other time Atsushi ever fought back someone who was hurting him, it was a most instinctive and involuntary reaction that ended up with him killing them and which gave him several trauma and unresolved self-hatred and feeling of guilt for life.

But hurting Akutagawa, that's peer approved. And it sounds quite cruel, and Atsushi is a fundamentally selfish character, yet it must have come off as so refreshing and even liberating for him to finally have someone he can openly hate, someone he could drop the facade of the polite, harmless guy in front of. That's why I can actually find it believable that Atsushi would, very subconsciously, look forward to fight against Akutagawa; as a way to let off steam, you know? A chance to finally stop acting and start behaving like his true self, determined, brave, protective, a bit of a prick. Not to mention, fights against Akutagawa seemingly always end up as a self-esteem boosts for Atsushi in a way or the other. That's why I wonder: if Akutagawa is the only person Atsushi can be himself with, if he's the only one he can act natural around without feeling he has to put up a front for; what about when Atsushi will stop hating him? Which doesn't sound that unlikely, I mean, after chapter 88 and everything. I'm not saying he's going to forgive Akutagawa for everything he's ever done but like... The perception Atsushi has of him must have changed to an extent, his judgement shifted at least a tiny bit. Then, Atsushi will be left with only one person he can freely be himself with, and he doesn't even hate him that much anymore. Just thinking about that.

[inumbrapugnabimus-maybe]

unearthing an old loz au :D

Extensive rambling and plot and everything in between below

ok so I made this au over a year ago and the other day in an attempt to procrastinate my brain reminded me of it so here it is! Redesigned!

Ummm basically this version of Hyrule has already fallen to Ganon, and (much like in Narnia) it got very, very cold as a result (I’m still working on the exact ins and out of this, but there IS a reason why lol)

Therefore, Zelda’s clothes are A), very warm, with lots of layers, and B), rather hodgepodged together, as they’re all borrowed. She hasn’t been able to wear her royal clothes in years, as she’s hiding from Ganon. And also most of them burned with Hyrule Castle.

so the embroidered frock (embroidered with flowers for symbolism reasons) thingie is about as princessy as her clothes will get XD

the reason she masquerades as Sheik in this au is more to hide from Link than Ganon. The latter is unaware that the princess escaped, while Link has some issues he’s working through lol

basically, when the kingdom was very suddenly overthrown, a confused and unimportant kid named Link (who was aware of the danger due to reasons I’ll get around to if I post his design), managed to save Zelda, who was still pretty young, and very much terrified. Terrified to see her terrified, Link’s protective side activated, and, well, it never really un-activated after that.

He managed to get her to a quiet, little known town on the outskirts of Hyrule, where some Sheikah (notably Impa) had taken refuge as well. They promised to guard her, and Link headed off to suffer the slow realization that he was a hero alone.

meanwhile, Zelda grew up, and grew stronger, and (once again due to things I won’t quite talk about yet) began to understand her duty towards her people, and to the hero. But, when Link returned to inform Impa of the plans he had made, he was very against Zelda helping him in any way (mainly out of fear for her).

so Zelda came along as Sheik instead :D

A few little things of note, now

I am vaguely basing Link’s inner struggle off my older brother… Link and Zelda do not have a brother/sister relationship however; it ends up a romance >:)

The only difference between Sheik and Zelda is simply that by the time Link sees her again as Sheik, she has dyed her hair and she’s been in the sun a bit more… magic is not involved in this case. Honestly it only works because Link didn’t know Zelda very well before lol

Zelda likes to sew, and garden as much as the climate will let her.

She has a very bright personality, but she takes what other people say to heart. I’ve found whenever I make an loz au, Zelda and/or Link don’t start out with Wisdom and Courage, but rather must gain it to some extent. This story is no different.

In some cases, I focus only on one of them, but this story specifically is about both. They grow together, just like Hyrule must grow again :D

in this story, they are all traumatized. Including Ganon. (he also has a backstory I’m working on hehe)

finally, the sheik design is not final… I’m still working on it lol

ok, that’s it! Byeeeeee

[ahli-stuff]

I didn't want to make the reblog chain any longer but I just wanted to say I actually don't consider Fyodor's attachment to Dazai as one sided because of this statement from Asagiri: "There are rare moments when Dazai shows his very “human” side. That is when he talks to another superhuman who is on the same level with him. The other is when he talks about his old friend who has passed." But like you mentioned, they're on opposite sides so they're totally doomed hehe. Some fyozai fans like to create AUs where Dazai convinces Fyodor to embrace goodness, but I like thinking about the reverse where Fyodor convinces Dazai to embrace evilness. 😈Imagine how terrifying that would be to have the both of them as antagonists? Nobody would be able to stop them.

AH, hello rblogger! It’s funny that you said you didn’t want to make the reblog chain longer, because I was making a another separate post in my drafts for that exact same reason. This is the current tag of that post:

And that quote! I’ve never seen it before, that’s so interesting! It recontextualizes what I previously thought about about Dazai’s feelings towards Fyodor. Funny how a certain redhead isn’t included in the people Dazai shows his “human side” to, isn’t it? (I’m sorry skk shippers please don’t kill me.)

To me, it seems that there are two faces to Dazai’s “human” side. There is the part of him that good be traditionally considered “good” and the part of him that could be traditionally considered “evil.” A paraphrased version of a quote I almost remember by heart, is when Oda tells Dazai: “if it makes no difference to you whether you kill or save people in this world, be on the side that saves people.”

In the context of the quote you mentioned and the one I just did, Fyodor represents “kill” and Oda represents “save,” the two ends of the spectrum of what kind of “human” Dazai could be.

With this information, I would consider fyozai’s dynamic requited, but I also think… that’s only if Oda’s character ceases to exist.

I firmly believe that in every universe that Oda and Dazai exist, Dazai chooses Oda. Above Fyodor, above Chuuya, above Atsushi, above the armed detective agency, above the entire world—Dazai will screw up the lives of everybody as long as he can save Oda.

This is evidenced in the Beast universe: a world where Dazai does exactly that.

It could then be plausibly believed that Fyodor and Dazai have a chance at being ride-or-die partners in crime in an alternate universe where Dazai exists and Oda doesn’t—but I highly doubt that. Dazai and Oda’s fates are so intertwined across universes that in every universe where Dazai lives, Oda dies. The opposite is also true; in the only universe that Oda lives, Dazai dies.

Out of billions of universes, the only one where Oda lives, Dazai must die. I argue this shows the sheer extent to which Dazai and Oda’s fate are intertwined, and because they are intertwined, Oda is a central part of Dazai’s character development in every universe.

Of course Dazai being friends with Fyodor and Dazai being friends with Oda aren’t mutually exclusive things, but any kind of relationship Dazai would willingly entertain with Fyodor would always be colored by Oda’s influence, if you know what I mean?

It’s like… having a very memorable ex, even though I don’t ship Odazai.

It is my of my opinion, canonically, that Oda is the only person with the capacity to significantly change Dazai. That is what I mean by Fyodor and Dazai’s dynamic being unrequited—it could be requited, Fyodor understands Dazai, so he could theoretically change him, but it will never be to the degree that Oda changes Dazai. I believe Dazai will always put Oda’s words above everyone else’s, and I believe Oda exists in every universe Dazai exists in.

[yourplasticpal]

Rewatching S1 of Good Omens, before my ... mumblety-something rewatch of S2, and this line of Aziraphale's stood out to me.

"I do need a body. Pity I can't inhabit yours. Angel. Demon. Probably explode."

Oh, this is definitely coming up again in S3. Somehow. My bet is one of them (or both) gets discorporated, circumstances circumstance, and they finally discover the full extent of their combined power when they are as close as possible to one another, literally sharing one body.

I mean, that could also be taken in a sexytimes context. Maybe later. But first, the power of their love shaking the very foundations of Heaven, until all the rot and corruption falls away and God Herself must take notice? Yes, please.

Ooh, these two together, when they're finally, fully on the same page, they are going to be fucking terrifying, in the best possible way.

[my-name-is-apollo]

Wanna share some newly found Admetus x Apollo crumbs!! because I just love them and they never fail to make me go feral every time I read something about them!!

This time it's from a latin poem "Alcestis Barcinonensis", and as the name suggests it narrates the story of Alcestis. But it also has Admetus and Apollo having a conversation with each other - which I've never seen before in any of the texts, so this poem has stirred my feels (again).

It starts with Admetus calling upon Apollo to answer his questions about his future:

"If I worshipped you ever; if I ever offered you support when you came to me as a terrified servant after the gods' charge against you"

Just...Imagine being Admetus. You worship a god ardently, and that god turns up at your door step as your servant (a terrified servant) and you get to shelter him, accept him. Support him at his lowest. And this god falls in love with you and is serving you in a way that feels like he is worshipping you. ("I am myself godly, and in Admetus, son of Pheres, I found a godly man." - Apollo in Euripides' Alcestis) It is dishonorable for the god but he doesn't care, he is ready to go to any extent to keep you happy.

A commentary on this poem points out how Admetus' addresses Apollo in this way with an intent of binding the god to himself:

I'm kinda loving how this characterises Admetus as being selfish, or at least insensitive with his request to Apollo. Yes he knows Apollo is no longer his slave, but he knows very well he can still bind Apollo to him and he doesn't hesitate to take advantage of it.

Apollo doesn't have to oblige, because he has already served Admetus exceptionally well during his years of servitude. Even afterwards, he has done enough favours for Admetus - helped him get a wife, saved him from Artemis' wrath. But of course, he still comes to do him yet another favour. It's very fitting that their story is used as an example for servitium amoris (slavery of love) by other poets like Ovid and Tibullus. Despite being free, in his heart he's still a slave to Ademtus' love. Maybe that's why Apollo lets himself get easily bound when Admetus requests for it. He probably knows that this is not entirely fair, but he still answers it because perhaps everything he has done so far is still not enough for him (or perhaps yielding to Admetus' requests has become a fond habit of his)

Back to the poem, this is Apollo's answer to Admetus:

"I grieve for you, but I must tell you the truth. Death is pressing upon you."

Apollo says he is already grieving for Admetus. He must have known that for a while huh. For how long has he been mourning Admetus in secret? :')

He not only answers the questions, but also goes beyond by letting Admetus know how to escape death - something Admetus hadn't asked for (but that probably would have been Admetus' next request). It seems like Apollo is just as desperate to save Admetus as Admetus is to save himself, and maybe he was waiting for the day Admetus would selfishly ask this of him.

Admetus has to find someone to die in his place, so that he can live longer. Given how in Ovid's poem Apollo wishes to renounce his godhood so that he could die with Hyacinthus, I don't think it would be a stretch to imagine that if it was possible, Apollo would have given his years (at least some of his years) to Admetus. Instead, Apollo tells him to ask his parents, wife and children. Where both his parents refuse, Alcestis gladly agrees to die in her husband's place.

Alcestis agrees to die, first and foremost because it will bring her glory. She will be praised and remembered for being a pious wife. And she will not have to live the life of a widow. That doesn't make her sacrifice any less noble or selfless at all...

But the thing is, while both Apollo and Alcestis go out of their way to save Admetus, Alcestis' act of saving her husband brings her glory and honor, but Apollo's part in saving Admetus only brings him dishonor and scorn from other gods. But that doesn't stop Apollo from still trying to do something for Admetus, to save him in whatever way possible. In Alcestis, Apollo even tries to save Alcestis by negotiating with Thanatos. All for the sake of Admetus.

Like just how much can a god love a mortal?

[moonlightazriel]

Son of the Darkness XX /// Azriel X F!Reader

Summary: Hidden for so long The court of shadows thrived, and things were great until the high lord's death, now the next in line should assume the crown of high lord of shadows, will he accept his duties?

Warnings: What can I say at this point? It’s all out war….

Word Count: 1,8K

Notes: Yep, Y/N’s speech was taken from Theseus speech from the movie Immortals, sue me

Son of the Darkness Masterlist

Main Masterlist

The extent of Hybern’s army was terrifying, thousands of men gathered to kill whoever dared to stand in their way. But as Y/N watched their troops, blue, golden, orange, black and yellow, all the armies from seven High Lords, she knew they had a chance.

Vivianne, the soon to be High Lady of Winter, held the human girl, Briar, in her arms. Evanore was around them, petting and talking to the white bears the army had. The atmosphere felt almost peaceful as they got ready for the battle.

It took two days to transport the whole army, going directly against Hybern. They had moved again, and they all came to the conclusion that Hybern was clearly postponing the battle, after all, he couldn’t get what Nesta took from the cauldron back, and now that she had more control over her power, he was probably scared of what she could do.

And now, they were ready to face that army, a few kilometres from where they originally planned to meet them. The witches have been draining power from the earth for a few hours, and the army was resting until it was time to face each other.

This time, Rune and the others would join, healing would have to wait, as all the force was necessary in that battlefield. They had also transported any human near the battle to Adriata where princess Cresseida was taking care of them.

Feyre and Amren had a plan to stop the cauldron and the army, needing to get close enough to touch it. And they’re also getting ready to release Bryaxis on that army. She hasn’t seen Feyre in a while. But she had checked on Elain, she was still afraid but wasn’t hurt.

The inner circle reunited, exchanging their comforting words to each other, some prayed to the mother, the witches kept to themselves but Y/N held her sword, in front of the NightFall.

“I am one of you, I share your blood and I share your fear.” The female yelled, her voice reaching the quiet soldiers. “But to run now, we offer our souls and the souls of the innocent to a terrible darkness.” One by one, the soldiers from her army started to hit their shields with their swords, the music echoing through the camp. Until every one who held a shield joined.

“We must stand and fight, their numbers count for nothing in that battlefield.” More chanting. “They are cowards, they hide behind their masks, they bleed like you and I.” She yelled even louder. Azriel watched with pride filling his senses as his mate encouraged the whole army. “Listen to me! Stand your ground! Fight for your honour!” The swords slammed against the shield. “Fight for the man beside you! Fight for those who bore you! Fight for your children! Fight for your future! Fight for your name! Survive!”

With her sword pointed to the army who gathered near the beach, waiting for the bloodbath, she yelled one more time.

“Let us write history with Hybern’s blood.” The soldiers behind her roared their fury, and they marched to the war.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

Battle happened everywhere, metal clashing against metal, the sounds of man dying filled her senses, so overwhelming and bone chilling, but she swallowed any trace of fear, going on her killing spree.

Bryaxis had just joined, the endless shadow passed by her, hummed in greetings to her. She could see Azriel in the skies, Rhysand’s power in huge waves, everyone who had magic in their blood used how they could.

The witches formed a unity, walking together, using both magic and their weapons to kill. Eris was behind Evanore, his eyes tracking her every move, Y/N felt her heart swell with happiness, she didn’t have to worry about her.

Her magic flared in strikes, men falling to the ground whenever they touched it. The necklace kept shining between her breasts, indicating that Azriel was alright. And when she couldn’t reach with magic, her sword was finding its target.

Everything was happening so fast, the three figures, The Bone Craver, Bryaxis and The Weaver killed hundreds in their path, the soldiers from Hybern were slowly being erased from the earth.

Trumpets sounded somewhere to the north, and Y/N watched from in between the commotion, three more armies joined, a green one from Spring Court, another orange one, Beron walked with more soldiers, Eris’s brothers mounting horses from in between the army, fire blazed and something exploded. The third army was made from humans.

The ash poison was burning in blue flames, giving them an advantage since now they didn’t have more poison to use, Y/N roared in excitement as she beheaded a male in front of her.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

Too tired, she felt too tired, her muscles burned, she wanted to stop, but she couldn’t. Blood soaked her hair and clothes.

She heard someone screaming for Cassian, she saw him flying to where Nesta stood at the top of the hill. And where he was mere seconds ago, the soldiers that stayed, were erased from the skies, as the King used the cauldron. The next shot was closer to his army than hers, and she concluded that he didn’t care about his soldiers, sacrificing them to get what he needed.

It was then that another trumpet sounded, and this time she was sure it didn’t belong to them. Azriel landed by her side, her shadows protecting them from anyone who tried to get close.

“They have a fucking armada. I saw Tarquin going there but there’s no way he can get rid of them alone.” He warned.

“Fuck!” Y/N cursed, and he felt someone approaching them. His eyes landed on the blonde male from the Bloody Moon ritual, the one who had upset her.

“Look at what we have here, the bastard and his bitch.” Luther spat. “I was looking for you.” He pointed at her.

“This is going to be good.” Azriel smilled.

Y/N stepped out of the shadows removing her helmet and retrieving them, she wanted to kill him with her pure force, not with her magic. She assumed a fighting instance, discarding her sword and going for a dagger instead.

“Hopefully your uncle is waiting for you in hell.” The male lunged for her, she spun to the side, getting out of the way, the sword cut the air, and she kicked him. His swords clashed against her dagger, and he punched her nose, blood pouring out of it.

“How does it feel?” She asked. “To always be beneath me? Never being able to be better than me, even if you tried so fucking hard.” He aimed for her once more, and she dodged, sweat ran down her forehead as she kept dodging and punching him sometimes.

They were both bloodied and panting. “Having to see everyone choose me, over and over again? Knowing you would never be good enough and that your name didn’t matter.” Luther screamed in fury. “That I earned my position and that a simple female will always be better than you.”

Luther descended his sword upon her, she rolled on the ground, quickly getting to her feet and impaling him with her dagger. Blood poured from his mouth. She held his shoulder, her eyes boring into his as life slowly faded from his body.

“It’s a shame that you chose this, we would be really good friends.” The male groaned and she let him fall. Turning to Azriel, he pulled her close to him.

“It’s okay now.” He reassured her, handing her the helmet and saying his goodbye, flying back to the battle.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

“The people from our court can see better in the dark, one of the perks of being born in the shadows.” Azriel thought, finding her again after twenty minutes apart. Her words ringed in his head, clear as the bright sky above his head. The plan formed in his mind and something in his chest told him that she would understand without the need of communications. So he did.

His wings flapped faster, making him go higher in the sky, so high that he could almost touch the sun, his syphons glowed, a bright cobalt light coming from them as his shadows moved in awe, waiting for what he was about to do. He knew where she was, and with all his power singing in his veins, his shadows descending upon the earth, engulfing her and at least 20 soldiers from Hybern that were surrounding her. The last thing he saw was the smirk on her face as the shadows covered their bodies until they disappeared in the black mist.

She felt them before she saw them, her sword hitting another one, as she defended herself, from the corner of her eyes, she saw the black shadows behind her, eager to get to her, brushing her face in between her helmet as they formed a dome around her and the enemy’s soldiers. She blinked, her eyes easily adjusting to the dark, she was quick to end with the man she was already in a fight with, while the others walked around in the dark, trying to see something.

They stumbled around blindly wandering, not being able to leave the mist wall that surrounded them. She smirked, walking around, her feet silent as she walked on the soft grass, the first, she cut his abdomen open with her sword, the armour they were using not that effective against the weapon that the witches had blessed, her blade screeched as she dragged it against the metal, cutting through it like butter, the man screamed in agony, the blood splashing on her own armour, the others assumed a defensive stance, not knowing where to aim or what to expect.

She ran, silent as a ghost, all the soldier could feel was the slightly change in the wind and the whistle of her sword, the weapon sharp, cutting through the air and the flesh of one of the soldiers, his head flying away as she already got ready to defend the blind blows they tried to land, their bodies bumped into each other, the metal cackling as they did so. She pierced the skull of one of them, with her dagger while her sword pierced the chest of another.

One by one, they fell, their blood running down her armour was the only resemblance of that they were even alive someday, she walked out of the shadows, the mist dissipating behind her, the blood pooled around the bodies, their horrid expressions marred their faces forever as she walked away. Azriel knew she could do it, but he couldn’t help the pride that filled his chest as he saw her walking out, blood covering her from head to toe, she looked in his direction. And that was when she felt it.

The bond snapping into place.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

Tagging: @allison-rosewood-maximoff @devilsfoodcake22 @fieldofdaisiies @valeridarkness @brekkershadowsinger @margssstuff @patdsinner33 @justdreamstars

[suzyblue0292]

Rewatch - Dead Boy Detectives S1E1 - The Case of Crystal Palace

We are introduced to Edwin guarding Charles or the boys guardian each other

The bickering

They are time cards not library cards.

Does the show often say one thing and show another? REVISIT

“Death will take us” v Death asking Wilfred if he is ready

The boxing scene is interesting given everything we learn about Edwin later - getting out of hell couldn’t have been easy he has to have more skill than Charles gives him credit for - or they want the audience to give him less credit

You are the brawn? - I feel like they want us to doubt the narrative. 

We are presented with Crystal as a good person. (Aside from being American apparently). Again we are being told one thing so we are blindsided by the other. 

The looks on the boys' faces when they observe Crystal. 

We never see them as relaxed looking as they are in the office again. 

Edwin knows how to knit.

Was there a debate over the disguises?

She has her purse and phone. Does the memory loss prevent her from reading her contacts/ID?? 

Charles does not hesitate to call Edwin on his BS - he also knows that Edwin is jealous (just not the exact nature of said jealousy) - but he said it himself during the boxing scene - he knows Edwin hates change - and the very first thing we see him doing in the next scene is defending Edwin to Crystal

This is also how we learn about the “Clerical error” - is this the extent of Charles’ knowledge or the best way he has to explain it?

We start to see the meaner side of Crystal but Charles' good nature still acts a deterrent from following that to a conclusion.

Charles’ admits that part of the reason its so good to talk to Crystal is because she’s living and his age - they probably don’t meet a huge amount of teenage ghosts - although I would guess they might have more unfinished business than most - I have a feeling its the living part that’s the biggest appeal

What is Edwin doing with the coffee??

Why are you warning Edwin about the cleaver, Charles? 

Crystal is carrying a considerable amount of cash - but no cards?

Edwin gets them a clue quickly through mirror travel. - The Cat King and his little bracelet are quite the plot devices. 

Why so rude to the cat Charles?

Also did the Crow not tip off the whole witch thing?

Crystal seems so young and vulnerable when she realizes the girls are staring.

Crystal’s mind is so desolate - all the broken picture frames - empty memories - the three eyeballs should have given it away though - “the third eye”

We know they can travel by mirror, and the normal way, but can ghosts travel through ether? How do they get in front of Crystal?

Poor Charles, no it’s not a competition but Crystal and Edwin are both terrified in their own right.

Every demonic case must be a nightmare for Edwin and now he realizes they didn’t get rid of the demon. He only knows how to express his fear in terms of case work though. 

The flashback: Simon is so clearly reaching out, but Edwin is so clearly expecting to be bullied. And the shot of him marching against the flow of other students, bless.

Its also so heartbreaking that Edwin is terrified BEFORE there is any sign the demon sacrifice will work. God only knows what he thought those boys would do. 

Five other boys died with Edwin and it seems like Sa ’al obliterates their bodies. Was there anything for the school to give the parents to bury? Just ashes? No wonder it was deemed an act of God. Six boys either vanished or reduced to ashes. 

And no wonder the memory drives Edwin to recklessness. 

Jenny laying down the hard truth. 

“I get angry. It's like knowing you have a home but being unable to get there.” Poster child speaks to poster child.

Yeah, I totally thought Niko was going to be the love interest.

Why never tell Edwin? Because he really can’t go home?

I try to be extra happy for all of us. - Oh Charles.

And now the boy who was dragged to hell learns that Crystal chose her demon. Ouch.

Edwin isn’t just yelling at Crystal. He’s reminding Charles too. “You are sharp and fun, but this isn’t a game.”

They are such vulnerable children, and then so cute as they plot.

Poor Jenny. She doesn’t doesn’t even get paid teacher’s wages for this shit.

Edwin does a good job of actually telling Crystal the stakes with the plastic girl bit. She  might be cottoning on. 

Charles is comforting Crystal, but holding Edwin.

Note that Charles doesn’t roll his eyes or dispute “and we’re punishing you.” After Edwin’s outburst and Crystal’s confession his loyalties seem to have tipped back a bit.

Why doesn’t it trip Edwin that Esther left her kettle on? It worried me from word go.

Again, Charles is the brawn but Edwin is the one checking out the weird witch’s lair.

So many fucking shoes.

I love Esther. I know I shouldn’t but….

Can Charles actually understand the Crow?

Edwin has such poor form, but he does as well as Charles when it comes down to it.

Round 1 of Esther underestimating Crystal

Edwin goes straight to help Crystal, despite his concern for Charles possessing Esther. 

Okay was anyone else expecting that kid to get mowed down crossing the street?

Oh Charles, counting your chickens to soon is a bad idea.

It’s interesting that Charles possessing someone sets off an alarm for them both - this must not be the first time they’ve tangled with the afterlife for them to have a joint file.

[shadowqueenjude]

Coming out with my truth 🙋‍♀️

So I read the Throne of Glass series before I read the ACOTAR series, and you know my favorite character is Lorcan (Chaol is a close second). And when Azriel was first introduced, I thought he seemed similar to Lorcan in many ways:

1. Being preoccupied with the same woman for 500 years

In Lorcan’s case, it was a little different. We don’t know when exactly Maeve took Lorcan in, but he reads as a teenager. Imagine being a poor kid on the streets, having these death powers you’re terrified of. Then this beautiful, rich queen takes you in and tells you you’re worthy and gives you a home and a life and a purpose. It’s only natural to develop an idyllic relationship and even a crush on them, especially when they’re actively manipulating you and abusing you using the blood bond. Unfortunately, poor Lorcan had no idea what the fuck love even was, so he thought it was love. Then he met Elide, his mate, and realized it was not.

In Azriel’s case, it seems like he’s convinced he’s unlovable and therefore he has latched onto Mor because he knows he has no chance with her (as she prefers women) but she’ll also never go away (or so he thinks). There are no stakes in going after someone like that, and so he continues to do it. When he finally stops going after Mor, he latches onto Elain instead, another unavailable woman. Because no matter how much he rants and complains about the cauldron, Elain is still Lucien’s mate and will never be able to give herself fully to him. I must confess I was genuinely shocked that Moriel at some point was endgame, but I am not at all surprised she retconned it because it would’ve been extremely icky.

2. Their mates are exceptionally well loved by everyone who meets them and they both have a cunty “mean girl” bestie who would literally die for them. Elide’s “mean girl” bestie is Manon, of course. Gwyn’s “mean girl” bestie is my bbg Nesta.

3. Both of them have strange shadowy “death powers” that are so rare and unheard of that no one really knows what they’re about.

4. Both of their mates have experienced some kind of SA.

Now, many characters have, but the reason it’s so important for these two characters particularly is how much it has affected them compared to other characters. Elide and Gwyn’s arcs, in many ways, revolve around their experience. Gwyn’s journey from being raped and rescued and brought to Night where she mainly lived in the library, afraid to come out because of what happened to her. Then later learning the mental and physical techniques of the Valkyries to eventually overcome it to an extent (but she still returned to the library at the end of ACOSF which shows she hasn’t fully recovered).

Elide’s SA in the Morath dungeons leading to her having difficulty believing in the goodness of men. In her POV saying that the only way she’d ever feel desire is with someone who she trusted so deeply all the horrors went away. Her finding that in Lorcan. Her journey from being a scared woman with some wits to being the bad bitch who lifted Lorcan’s axe to kill the ilken and came up with the plan to destroy Erawan.

Also a bonus: Azriel and Lorcan are the subbest men SJM has ever written😂

Things that we saw with Elorcan that I think we’ll see with Gwynriel:

In Kingdom of Ash, there is a scene where Elide watches Lorcan torture someone and she does not balk from it. I believe Gwyn will have a similar moment with Azriel.

With Elide, we saw her make the first move on Lorcan. Just like that, I think Gwyn will be pursuing Azriel.

We eventually saw Elide take up a leadership position as Lady of Perranth. I believe we’ll see something similar when Gwyn becomes the High Priestess of Prythian.

That was long. Anyway if you read this far thank you!

[toringo]

Since I already made this a tag, I might as well develop the thought: William is a self-fulfilling prophecy personified. He wholeheartedly believes that no one would ever respect or need him in any way despite his desperate want for attention and splendor.

He wants people to give him attention and care for him, only to push them away and cry about how lonely he is; he alienates himself from Elizabeth, shoves her off, and so, despite still caring for him in a way, she grows resentful of him (just like she does with Henry).

I am 100% sure he was doing that with Henry, too. Henry must have loved him to some extent. If not romantically, then as a close friend, family perhaps. Yes - Henry was distant, constantly drifting away with his thoughts - fixated. If William cared to get closer, he would surely be able to.

But William wasn't trying to get any closer; he was in his little bubble of obsession and spite, always just a bit out of reach, wallowing in misery that he hid from everyone else.

Henry was his only close friend, but in the end, it was like they barely knew each other (They were both oh so lonely).

Instead of taking the first step, William grows jealous, craving Henry's attention and convincing himself he will never get it. He starts blaming it on Henry's children: Charlotte especially, 'daddy's little girl.'

In Charlie's memories, William looks like he is considering which one to take, her or her brother. I don't think that's the case - I think he's always intended to take her. It was just a matter of figuring out which was which: they were twins, and it was dark in the storage.

He knew what would hurt the most. Henry didn't seem to care about Sammy nearly as much as he did for his little girl. He started drowning himself in grief while William was considering some things.

What a power trip that was!

What a center of attention he's become, even though people weren't aware he was the culprit.

What a thrill.

Not only had it made him feel powerful (feared), but it had also given him a splendid opportunity to become Henry's shoulder to cry into. It had also fully convinced him of what he'd always thought: no one would ever love him. He was a terrifying and imposing figure.

Maybe he'd felt justified in his crime; maybe the fun that came with it was secondary.

He wanted to be hated, feared, to wake disgust. It was better than remaining unseen, even if it was his fault.

It's like he wants to get mistreated to have justification, of sorts, the satisfaction of being correct. He takes pleasure from people being scared of him, disgusted with him, and hating him. Whenever someone shows any sign of care or concern, he lashes out.

Did he beg Henry to mistreat him? Not with words, but his behavior? Did he confess so he could see the betrayal, the hatred? Disgust? Was he drinking it off his eyes? Did he want Henry to turn that hatred into violence?

When Henry made his last decision, was he disappointed? Was he satisfied?

Lonely, again?

He is constantly setting himself up for failure.