#that maybe i disagree with an opinion that someone in the world might hold

[sp1resong]

i love being the most nonconfrontational person alive whilst also having Perpetually Pissed Off Disease

[britneyshakespeare]

Had the extremely upsetting experience of a mutual of like 6 years going off on me for occasionally making posts about supporting Harris because apparently that makes me a g n cide denier who refuses to learn and grow, with all of my views just being assumed not even from what I've told them I believe or what I've posted before, but just because I DON'T post particularly the kind of things they THINK I should be. When I pointed out how much they were just completely assuming about stuff I'd never talked to them about, I was told it doesn't matter what I do in real life or "care" about if I simply disagree with their conclusion and vote for her anyway. Like they were absolutely not sorry for the level of maliciousness they not just assumed of my character, but for some reason thought appropriate to bring directly to me before unfollowing me. No apology whatsoever for how discomforting or upsetting that might be and certainly no acknowledgment that I could disagree with them and still be a good person. I just got another even longer rant about how they fundamentally can't fuck with me because of this one thing, no matter WHAT else I do in my real life (which I pointed out that they do not know), and how I'm directly supporting fascism.

Like seriously what is it about Tumblr that makes people think they know someone based off of occasional posts? There were just such DEEP assumptions they were making of me and going off of very little or absolutely nothing. Around the time I first became mutuals with that person I used to express my personality and beliefs and talk about what was going on in my life a lot more openly, but I've significantly scaled back on doing that in many ways for many reasons. One of my major ones is privacy and the way I've had strangers outside my followers and following circles just find random things I say and dogpile me for it. I was fundamentally changed after some T Fs did that to me like 3 years ago. I also just didn't have many conversations w that person anymore (I message people in general on here like 10x less than I did circa 2018-2019, which I'm somewhat sorry about!). My point is to say I think this person felt comfortable assuming that they knew me, especially who I am in 2024 at the age of 25, much better than they actually did.

One of the specific things they accused me of was being afraid of learning and growing (because I don't perform social media activism on here like they think I should). Like AFRAID to take criticism. When again I've never received criticism from them or had to respond to any criticism on here before as pertaining to my views on... well, absolutely any of the issues they accused me of not caring about. They essentially treated it as if the only thing in the world I cared about was the US election and characterized me as the most out-of-touch liberal they could possibly imagine, because I'm not "pushing" Kamala Harris to be better (Oh?? Should I do that on here?? Does she read my blog??).

And most hypocritically what they said was that I only *sometimes* *vaguely* post pro-Harris things (I often post like 5 or fewer things in a day though?). But here's the kicker. "Because I know I'll get shit for it. And rightfully so."

Really????? Not a single person, anon or not, in my messages or in a tagged post or anything, has ever given me shit before for saying who I'm voting for. I'm actually NOT afraid of "getting shit" for that opinion, I just don't start fights with people who are anti-voting. And why should I??? I genuinely don't believe in trying to change the minds of strangers on the internet about that sort of thing. I'm just not confrontational about it; that is so not the same thing as being "afraid of getting shit." I'm not posting ENOUGH about my support for Harris, therefore I'm afraid. But therefore they can also make all these assumptions about me being their strawman for an ignorant Harris supporter.

I'm afraid of getting shit but I still post anyway? But if I weren't afraid of getting shit I'd be posting a lot more?? This is ALL based on their assumptions of what my blog *should* look like, based on what I really and truly believe. My level of posting every now and then is an accurate gauge of my feelings on complex, sensitive, global issues. Because I'm voting for the Democratic presidential candidate and I'm ok sharing pretty much just that little glimpse of myself.

I really don't think that person knows just how inappropriate and insulting that is to just say all of that to me. Like they really know what's going on in my head. Their first message began and ended with like "I'm sorry I love you I just can't take it anymore" but they clearly weren't sorry enough to try and be more respectful to me, and they didn't love me enough not to default to extremely ungenerous assumptions and attacking me based off of those instead of any actual words I've said that they take issue with.

Online radicalization is real and it's not necessarily bad because your political views can start to fall well out of the contemporary Overton window. The way you find it appropriate to treat people whose views, however common, seem to fundamentally misalign with yours... that does matter. You can't just assume the worst of everyone and then act on that in how you approach them as individuals. And then be shocked that you don't stay friends with them. You can't be confrontational with someone about an issue you've never had an honest conversation about, and then expect them to take your bad faith in them as reasonable well-meaning criticism.

I'm afraid of criticism??? I'm afraid of criticism. No I'm not. This person and I have never had an issue before where they criticized me and I got harshly defensive. It was ALL projection. The entire tone of their messages was as if all their anti-voting posts recently were somehow in communication with the occasional go-vote-for-Harris posts that I make. That's not a conversation. I don't post for your satisfaction. I don't post in "response" to my mutuals I disagree with. I just post what's on my mind, sometimes, about some things. I really again can't stress enough how baffled I am by this

[nalyra-dreaming]

the more I think about it, the more I think fuck it, survival arc for half the Théâtre des Vampires characters!!!! Honestly AR, you can't create the EPIC concept of a troupe of immortal theatre kids and then.... just..... sacrifice them all!? I know it's horror, some death count, sure, but not all. PLEASE, moderation. The later Vampire Chronicles feel a bit like the disturbing last episodes of Llamas with Hats where Charlie has killed the entire world and nobody is left except Charlie(/Lestat*.) *but where's the relation to Lestat? I'll tell you how I see it, and you're free to disagree but even so, I'm still going to want my survival arcs for the vampire thespians (in fanfiction, not the series. I don't make unrealistic demands of series.). :3 How I see it is that Anne Rice wrote all the Chronicles with essentially only Lestat in mind. Even when she wrote whole books for the other characters, it was very often with the ultimate goal of showing how their existence affected Lestat. She deviated a bit with Pandora and Marius, but Lestat was her utimate hyperfocus. This caused her to neglect some of her -in my opinion- more interesting concepts, such as Devil's Minion -imagine a whole BOOK!?- and the Théâtre des Vampires. In the book, Louis and Claudia spend like a week at the theatre before they kill Claudia and in turn Louis kills them all. That's certainly an author's choice. Come ON, a century old undead theatre troupe and you just ....kill them? Don't even explore them (like the series did, at least) instead of taking them on the hero's journey into the modern age? The story potential! THE WASTE! Yes, to be FAIR, when she wrote IWTV she maybe wasn't planning on a sequel. But it's not like she never retconned a death, either. It seems that she liked the idea of Lestat being the lone star of the show, the showpony of the 80s, while Armand losing his community in a roundabout way serves as karma for being mean to Lestat. On top of that, the author has Akasha come along and kill even more vampires, until it ultimately feels like Lestat and Louis are living in an Ark with a few survivors because the story left barely any other vampires alive. Lestat's an actor, he needs not only an audience but also an ensemble to lift him! So, yeah. Fanfiction authors are powerful. That's all <3

:) They are.

And I wished that she had made more of certain aspects of the tale, like you said, DM, or the theater. I have a feeling the show might ... keep some threads alive. I mean, in the books Eleni and Allessandra survive, too!! So I have hopes that the show will fill in the gaps the book left, tbh. I mean, they obviously do fill in so many gaps already... and they had someone survive... :)

BUT :))))

Anne actually recognized that Lestat needed that and wanted that recognition, and the ensemble!! It is literally how the last book ends, the full arc of him being pulled off and being alienated... and then coming to be with his "tribe" (as Benji calls them iirc).

Here is the end of "Blood Communion" - and every time I read the books/parts of the books I am grateful that Anne gave them (and thereby us) a certain closure through it. That certainly wasn't something I expected after ... Memnoch back then.

Under the cut, in case someone does not want to read the actual ending :)

Blood Communion

I sat back and closed my eyes, and the realization I’d been avoiding since that night, that night that I’d brought Rhoshamandes’s remains back, the realization that I’d avoided as impossible, that realization fully took hold of me. Visibility, significance, recognition! All that I’d ever wanted when I took to the rock music stage, all that I’d ever wanted as a boy heading to Paris with a head full of dreams, all I’d ever wanted I now had right here with my brothers and sisters! I had all that I had ever hoped for, and I had it here and now in this place and amongst my own people. The old human story simply did not matter. I had this, I had this moment, I had this recognition, and this visibility and this significance. And how could I ask for anything more? How could I look from right to left, at immortals who had witnessed all the epochs of recorded history, and want more than this? How could I gaze at immortals who’d been drawn to this very spot by something more immense than they’d ever witnessed, and long for more than the recognition they were now giving me? The victory of our own tribe to embrace one another, and let go of the hatred that had divided us for centuries, was my victory. “To the Blood Communion,” I said in my heart. And I felt the cold numbing shell of alienation and despair which had imprisoned me all of my life among the Undead—I felt that shell cracked, broken, and dissolved utterly into infinitesimal fragments. What had been taken from me by Magnus had been repaid a thousandfold. And what had been snatched away that night in San Francisco when Akasha visited death and horror on our rock music spectacle had been given back a thousandfold. And I knew now that I could be the monarch that my people wanted. Because they were indeed my people, my tribe, my family. And whatever happened hereafter wouldn’t be just my story. No, it would be the story of us all.

So yes - go fanfiction writers! There is so much left to be done :)) But thankfully she closed that arc - at least.

[bellestarot]

Changbin's Reading

October 13, 2024

Right Now

He's planning something around the number 4. It could be the 4th day, the 4th month of next year, something linked to the number 4, and he's really involved in it. He's been super active, giving his opinions on the issues he's working on for this project, though I don't know exactly what it is. He's in a really good place with his self-esteem right now. He's loving himself more. I think in the past he struggled with self-acceptance, but now he's going through a phase of loving being in his own skin and truly valuing himself.

And that's opening doors for possible romantic interests in his life.

But he's been feeling really tired. He's working a lot and hasn't had much time to enjoy life. So, he really wants to take some time to relax a bit.

Love Life

He's involved with more than one person, and he doesn’t really feel like committing emotionally to anyone. It’s more physical for him, and he really likes being in control of things, including his own emotions. He tends to approach things logically and talks things through. He’s not just seeing one person. I feel like there are probably two or three people he’s been seeing more frequently.

It seems very casual, and one of the people he's involved with might also work in his field, maybe in entertainment. It could also be someone he’s known for a long time. He’s been feeling a bit confused about some of these relationships because, even though they’re casual, he feels strong connections with a few of them.

Career

I think he's doing a great job, traveling the world, but he’s very protective of his privacy. He doesn’t like people digging into his personal life or asking about certain private things, and something has been really hurting him lately. It's left him feeling anxious because one of the people he's involved with is someone he could see himself having something serious with someday—maybe even getting into a relationship or getting married.

But he realizes that for that to happen, it would be really difficult. The biggest obstacle is his fame, and he’s sure that this person wouldn’t be well-received by his fans. He knows the fans would judge the relationship, and it would probably end because of that. This has been on his mind a lot recently because he wants something serious one day, but he sees that where he is now, it’s hard to make that a reality.

Family

He cares a lot about his family and has so much love for them, but they tend to be very judgmental. They might hold very conservative views and are harshly critical of other ways of thinking and acting.

There’s a young girl in his family who’s been suffering a lot because of their judgment. He’s been really worried about her because the criticism has been so intense that it’s caused her to isolate herself, and most of the family is against her. This situation has been stressing him out a lot, and he’s really concerned about her.

Friendships

He has a lot of friends he can rely on, and there’s a woman he’s very close to, someone he really values and protects his friendship with. However, he’s been feeling quite cautious about another friend from work.

This person is impulsive and has certain behaviors or maybe even habits or addictions that he strongly disagrees with. Because of this, he’s taken a step back from their connection, as he feels it’s something he can’t support or accept.

Future

He’s going to move away from being so logical and overly cautious with his words and actions. He’ll feel more confident to just be himself, and I think soon he’ll show people who he truly is at his core. I believe this might become the best phase of his life because he’s going to fully love himself.

He’ll also recognize his flaws and handle them with ease and a light-hearted attitude, which is a big shift. His self-esteem, which has been a major challenge for him, is going to improve. I see him really valuing himself in all aspects.

He’s going to be working on a new project with different people, and he’ll feel really excited and curious about what others will think. He won’t be afraid of the outcome—he’ll feel light and energized, enjoying the process and doing what he loves. He’ll also be more in touch with his emotions, even though he’s usually more in his head. He gives off earth sign vibes rather than fire sign, but he’ll start connecting more with his feelings.

[my-pjo-stuff]

Hi, so I saw your post asking about whether or not one could identify with the female characters written by Rick Riordan, and I wanted to share my thoughts, but for personal reasons I would rather do so anonymously. I hope you don´t mind. (I will say that I don´t currently identify as female, but I was raised under the expectations of someone who does/is and am continuously pressured into said gender role. I do partly identify as genderfluid but that is very complex and not important here. I hope even if I don’t currently identify as female, you will still read and consider this opinion as valid.)

I personally can very much identify with the female characters Rick writes. Both when I was younger and now. Having started re-reading the HoO series recently I very much for example feel a connection to how Piper is and grows as a character. I can also very much relate to the more prominent female characters in PJO (Annabeth, Rachel, Thalia) in one way or another and am quite fond of them. I do have to say that I also relate and connect with the male characters as well. I don´t personally think the female characters were written in a way that makes them any less relatable than the male characters. Issues with underlying sexist societal expectations that might be visible in RR writing are very much not exclusive to the female characters he writes (it can be found in the way he writes his male characters as well) or exclusive to RRs writing. These issues are found in a huge number of different books, by a multitude of writers and are problems that are hard to avoid if you haven´t done deep unpacking of gender roles and societal expectations, which sadly most perisex, cis people and some trans and intersex people just haven´t done.

I wanted to say something specifically to this part of your post here:

“Like the inherent feeling of living in a world stacked against you? Being forced to pick up the slack of others and do huge amounts of normal aswell as emotional labor? Not being listened to? Feeling abandoned by those around you???? Those are all feelings and issues that women tend to relate to. And Luke honestly does that great IMO. Yet I can't help but notice that this sort of reliability is completely missing from everyone else.”

I just wanted to let you know that this experience is very much not an exclusive experience to women and more maybe comparable to a general experience of marginalised people. I hope I am not bothering you with mentioning that. And I do not mean any negativity by it. Just a little info to keep in mind. (If that was unnecessary as you were already aware of it, I apologise for bringing it up)

To end this in my personal opinion Rick has definitely improved in regard to this in his newer writing and considering these issues are more of a broader societal issue than an individual issue I don´t see it as problematic as someone else might. I will also say that whether or not someone can relate to a character isn´t and very much should not be an indicator of how well the character is written in regard to their gender. The great thing about gender is that there is no “one correct way” for it. This also means that not being able to relate to female/male character even though you are the gender, does not mean it´s badly written in regard to that.

Just in case it is not clear. I do not intend to argue. I just wanted to share my thoughts anonymously.

I mean I'm certainly not really bothered by it, though I do think this is a case of agree to disagree. I mean relatability is always subjective at the end of the day, and I was really just wondering if others felt the same more than wanting to make any statement. I think that Rick's work genuinely doesn't hold up much after PJO and maybe a few smaller side stories. I do think your opinion is valid, though I think you interpreted a few things into my post that weren't there, and I'd like to clarify that.

“Like the inherent feeling of living in a world stacked against you? Being forced to pick up the slack of others and do huge amounts of normal aswell as emotional labor? Not being listened to? Feeling abandoned by those around you???? Those are all feelings and issues that women tend to relate to. And Luke honestly does that great IMO. Yet I can't help but notice that this sort of reliability is completely missing from everyone else.” "I just wanted to let you know that this experience is very much not an exclusive experience to women and more maybe comparable to a general experience of marginalised people. I hope I am not bothering you with mentioning that. And I do not mean any negativity by it. Just a little info to keep in mind"

I do not mean this bad...but I don't really get why you mentioned that? I'm not disagreeing or anything! I do genuinely agree, but I genuinely don't really know why that was brought up? I didn't really say that is was JUST women who relate to that, just that they tend to relate to it. Which was said based on my own experiences and those shared by other girls. The post is about female reliability, and me saying why I personally relate to Luke. I'm not really sure what other minorities also having to deal with that has to do with anything I said.... This is by no means an attack on you! You are completely valid in your opinion, identity and in your statement. But I'd love if you could clarify the correlation between those two topics 😅

I will also say that whether or not someone can relate to a character isn´t and very much should not be an indicator of how well the character is written in regard to their gender. The great thing about gender is that there is no “one correct way” for it. This also means that not being able to relate to female/male character even though you are the gender, does not mean it´s badly written in regard to that.

Again idk I never really wanted to imply that??? Like if it came off as me saying relatability of the characters decides whether the writing is good or not is not what I meant. I was merely expressing my own subjective opinion and asking if others felt the same. Overall I think that this doesn't have that much to do with the OG post???? And like I said I do disagree with a good chunk of it, as I do think that the female characters have much more sexism in their writing as the men. And that it doesn't really matter how society is built, as other authors like Rick who grew up and live in the same society consistently do much better. All I can offer you is for you to keep your opinion, me to keep mine and us to respect each other. I should warn you that you might not like my blog, as our opinions do seem to vary wildly. Thank you for sharing your opinion though! It's always interesting to see other POVs and counterpoints ^^ I'm happy you felt safe enough to do that with me.

[sunstranded]

INTJ: Lying

It has been said that INTJs do not like liars. We don't. And by "we," mean, no one likes liars. But there exists, liars that hate themselves. I can say I am not a part of that domain.

I don't understand why people would want to lie needlessly; so I would ask why. I would understand and I could agree or disagree. It has no emotional attachment to it. I do not care enough to even have an opinion other than "I get it."

However, when I am being lied to— horribly, might I add— it is not an experience I enjoy or seek. Like every other sensible person.

This is when descriptions are vague uselessly. Common criticisms of personality trait description are their vagueness. I would only agree if it had not served any purpose.

Barnum effect is dangerous. It gets the best of people. If only liars were as sharp and elusive, then maybe I would be more understanding of liars that hate themselves for lying.

I opt out of lying as much as possible because I am not good at it. I am elusive and sharp, but aimlessly lying? I'm not as good at. I can lie for my and other people's safety but deceit to shift blame and not hold myself accountable? I rarely find the need for it thus I never developed my skills on it.

I'd rather be clear and precise. If I had wronged someone, I would appreciate it to be told. The world goes around the sun, an entity constantly experiencing combustion by thermal fusion— warming us enough to survive. Unless a person farts enough to give me an optimal survival rate (which no one can because the scent is suffocating), then maybe I would understand if they think the world goes around them enough to even think it makes sense to expect I know all of the things I've done to wrong them.

If someone wronged me, I would say it. I would not lie. It is way easier. I do not blame people for disagreeing, but I would blame them for being hateful hypocrites.

Why would you lie and have a supposedly useful aptitude in it, then hate yourself and everyone else that does the same thing?

I don't hate myself nor the people that are gifted with a dry wit, drier humor, and a no-nonsense sharpness that makes them default to brutal honesty. Which, by the way, is far from being seen as the more chivalrous and socially acceptable way to behave. But I don't beat myself up or others for being that way. I don't blame others for lying and being good at it too (unless of course I learn more about them and they turn out to be an immoral person). So, why should you?

It's a rhetorical question that I don't need to answer. I understand why people would reflexively lie or feel like they have to; I don't want to pretend that lying is always bad. I am not Kant, after all.

All I want to really say is that no one likes being lied to and no one would want to be called a liar. However, when we hate ourselves for being liars and for lying every time, when will we understand ourselves as human?

INTJs don't have the patience to deal with liars, certainly. But we do have the capacity to understand and the curiosity to ask. Like everyone else, we just choose to do so or not to.

[jaigeye]

everyone is forgetting that saw gerrera was taught by anakin and obiwan (white) lol

i do take some issue with sw writers plopping characters of color into villain/antagonist/not working with the ‘heroes’ role and the fans making incredibly racist memes, i just wanted to point out the fact that he was already on the edge of being a radical and anakin’s presence and training shoved him over the edge along with the death of steela. as a nonwhite person who has seen their own friends radicalized in Very similar ways, i dont think there’s anything necessarily wrong with how he’s being portrayed. i think he’s a good mirror of real life circumstances. the problem inherently lies with the fans, although again as i said it has disappointed me that fascinating, complex characters who are also poc or poc coded (barriss, saw, Reva, for some examples) are mishandled by sw writers and fans.

I think you're misunderstanding me here. Sure, it's a good point that yes, Anakin and Obi-Wan played a role in his life, but I don't think TCW is even a significant enough piece of media to base judgment of his character off if; Rogue One is where he really began to take shape as the character he is, not just a one-off arc character that was quickly forgotten. The nature of the clone wars anthology style is that unfortunately most characters motivations and actions are molded or influenced by the main trio, so I don't know if that argument holds up, although it is an interesting one I hadn't thought about.

My argument is not that characters of color cannot or should not ever be villains... Yet I would strongly disagree with categorizing him as an antagonist. Even in Rogue One he felt like a sort of indelicate attempt to show the political complexities of the Rebellion. That is both where my praise and issues with his writing begin.

Isolated, he himself is a very nuanced and interesting character. Placed in a space with the other Rebel leaders, however, it quickly becomes frustratingly clear that the only Black leader of great significance in the plot, on the same level of narrative importance as Mon Mothma, is a politically radical and aggressive Black man, plagued by delusions of victimhood/paranoia. This is as some might say, not cool. Imagine a sheet of paper with all the rebels and imperials on it. Who are the aggressive, intense characters who are ruthless? (Outside of Andor, because although flawed I feel they did a better job,) that list would include Saw Gerrera, Reva, and Moff Gideon. The good, harmless Black characters? Finn. Jannah, with a few minutes of screentime. Maybe Lando, but he too is always sidelined and we don't get a really good look at his motivations or character. Who else? There are others, but none with enough plot significance to really make up for this imbalance. Plus, a lot of those characters die.

If he were one among many Black Rebel leaders of varying political mindsets, I think my personal gripes with his writing could be resolved more. (However, Black fans opinion here would matter more than mine.)

The basic thing is that Star Wars writers do not know or care about your friends. They don't seem particularly tapped into the political realities of young radicalized minorities right now. We have to be more serious and objective here than this.

Their points of reference were most likely Che Guevara and Malcolm X, so on and so forth. i could handle that under certain circumstances. Andor did a pretty great job portraying him. The Rogue One book did a good job. Then the animations get their hands on him and, as is kind of inherent to the nature of kids shows, they have to pick someone to make the bad or scary decisions to show kid viewers that actually, changing the world through any means possible is a bad thing, and that you should usually use your words, be polite, and not be aggressive or demanding like these ~scary~ people performing direct action. Why did TBB and Rebels choose to take the one Rebel Black guy and make him try to win by putting children&other marginalized people at risk and using explosives and shit? in a real life context, when we focus on the motivations of the writers and not the content of the character, it gets concerning. It is not all, but many of the writers. It is not all, but I'd say most of the fans. The problem is a pretty big one. When u write him in such a way that people r blaming him for character's deaths and accusing him of parental abuse, the writers did something wrong too, not just the fans

Saw Gerrera is one of my all time favorite characters in star wars, because I think he's fascinating and full of potential. But it's really important to be objective about the inequalities in writing here, and pay attention to the way the very few Black characters in a narrative are portrayed.

[unidentifiedfuckingthing]

i feel like a pretty universal cultural pollutant is that we use the idea of "its bad" for so many things as a replacement for a reason why you shouldnt do something, and thus in a lot of circumstances most people who strongly dislike something/believe something should remain a taboo believe so because its bad. and if you asked why they genuinely wouldn't have an answer. but things that actually are bad have reasons for why theyre bad, and things that aren't bad have reasons you're told they're bad, and understanding the way different viewpoints make different statements make more or less sense will give you a more satisfying and useful understanding of the world. taboos aren't a force for good, they're a force for normativity.

if someone says "you just think thats bad because its culturally instilled, but you wouldn't think that way if you asked yourself why its bad" the taught response is to say "thats the kind of thing you say when you're trying to put me in danger, so i won't think about it, and i might even get scared about the idea of thinking about it just to be safe." but that response doesnt help you. thinking about something and examining the information available to you isnt bad for you, and if the thing actually is bad then thinking about it will still lead you to the conclusion that it's bad. understanding someone else's viewpoint doesn't automatically brainwash you into believing it <- this part is especially difficult

its self-reinforcing and hinges on the uncertainty of what happens after you do choose to discard the self-terminating emotional response to taboo, and assuring you that it's so scary you never want to find out. so the solution is just to expose you to proof of what happens, right? normalize the experience of listening to viewpoints you find unacceptable without invoking the fear response at the same time and build a tolerance for seeing scary things with your thinking mind and not your instinctual fearing mind.

i think this is difficult firstly because it's basically universally unpopular to reject taboo, because this is associated with unconditionally accepting that taboo; asking "hey what actually IS the difference between bestiality and artificially inseminating a cow" implies that because you thought about it long enough to ask questions you probably want to fuck dogs, and not just that you think it's weird that nobody has a good answer; maybe more common & relevant is wanting to investigate the thought process of a conservative or fascist being seen as equivalent to being open to being converted to a fascist. and like, usually people who embrace something that's a taboo do reject its position as a taboo, so it's partially reasonable, but i think it's inappropriate to think that proves the opposite relationship is equally true. (and of course, also, to think that someone embracing a taboo=proof they're bad=proof that the taboo is bad)

i think the other big thing is that a lot of the time people dont have access to information that gives them the ability to form an opinion in the first place, and sometimes that information isn't available, or doesn't seem like it would be available, and so the reasonable fallback is "everyone who holds views i find completely rational also think this, so disagreeing without good reason is not likely to help me." and like i think this is generally a good instinct to keep. if people were equipped with enough information and the skill to use it they just wouldn't need it. i think this is maybe the missing link behind "i was never taught how to find out if something is true so people on the internet have to spoonfeed me" because a lot of schools do teach media literacy and the importance of knowing how to be credulous and find and vet your own information, but when thats taught parallel with rotely instilling the right things to know and the right sources to believe as decided by authority figures and with no justification, the subconscious conclusion is pretty clearly "they're teaching me bullshit" and potentially "they're teaching me things that are clearly false because the school system wants me to forget how to use my instincts so that they can make me think how they want me to think, even when it's bullshit". i think people who insist on relying on other people to tell them things often actually are frustrated at how difficult it is to find real unbiased information, and how other people seem to not have that problem, and i think if you made that knowledge accessible and unintimidating a lot of people would take their own initiative to internalize and apply it. like i totally understand the lmgtfy response but i think if more everyday information were given as "this is a source i believe is accurate and i believe this because:" it would sink in better than like, explanations on the theory of how to spot bias minus connection to current topics of interest, or individual snopes links, or whatever. i also think the average americans precarious sense of pride and shame is a barrier to self improvement and giving help as a free addition to conversation goes down easier than help for the sake of help. because when you're constantly looking for it it's easy to read into helpfulness as an assertion of personal deficiency. ok bye

[kerra-and-company]

gimme 17, 22, 7 for Ari the beloved warkitty <3

Warkitty hours!! :D <3 (Took a second but here you go!!)

17. What sort of role do they take on in relationships, either familial, romantic or platonic. i.e. are they a defender, protector, nurturer, etc.

Oh, defender/protector, most often, for sure. She got her 'band name because she sheltered Lifa and Weylon from a storm with her magic; she continued to serve in that role for them and the rest of her 'bandmates for as long as she served as legionnaire (~15 years); her first real bonding moment with Cio was defending her from a sylvari-turned-Mordrem after their airship crashed (while just having been stabbed in the leg by a piece of debris)...I could absolutely go on but will stop here for now.

22. What is some advice or guidance they received that had a big impact on their lives or outlook? Was it a positive or negative impact?

Hmm. Good question.

Ari has had a decent amount of people give her advice over the years. The highest concentration of it can be found in the somewhat typical things she heard as a cub in the fahrar (listen to superior officers because they know better than you, don't rely so much on your magic because it makes you seem weak (and makes us uncomfortable), don't believe in false gods, etc.). To some extent, she's thrown most of those out the window nowadays. If you disagree with orders, it's worth it to question them. Her magic is one of her strengths and she's not ashamed of it (and she fought very hard as a cub to prove that point). She doesn't believe in any gods, but a couple of her friends do, and they're not lesser for that.

Honestly, I think the most key piece of advice she ever had anyone give her probably came from Pliarr (Cio's brother, whom I always need to talk about more and never seem to actually do that for alsdjkf). Ari originally joined the Order of Whispers to try to figure out a way to rescue Brook and Casca from the Flame Legion, but that came crashing down around her head when she got a missive from the Citadel (from Lifa, as a sort of final goodbye) saying that there'd been a raid on Flame and that both of them were almost certainly dead. Pliarr found her in a hallway, holding the missive and entirely frozen still. He talked her off the ledge--which I mean pretty literally in all senses other than it being a literal ledge--and convinced her to stay with the Order. He's also the first one to suggest to her that she might enjoy being a pilot.

They weren't super close friends, but they stayed connected and were friendly, at least. (And Ari had no idea Cio was his sister until maybe like halfway through the events of HoT when they all ended up in the same place. Which was a while after that first meeting--she only met Cio right at the start of HoT, but she'd known Pliarr since ~1322-1323 xD)

7. If your OC could meet any historical or past figure, whether in the real world or in their own canon lore, who would it be and why?

Ari honestly doesn't particularly have anyone she'd like to meet who's a historical figure, so my answer to this is going to be someone I think would be neat for her to interact with...hmm. I think it'd be very interesting to see her interact with GW1 characters. Ari would get along mostly well with Pyre Fierceshot, but it'd be a bit odd (different time periods, very different environments growing up, different opinions on the other races to some extent) and not without friction. I cannot see her getting along with Gwen at all, but I can see mutual respect at some point. Out of my GW1 OCs, I think she'd get along best with Daisy--eventually (Daisy would need a Minute thanks to, well, understandable personal baggage re: the Searing; and whether Ari were to meet during-the-GW1-main-storyline-Daisy or post-canon-Daisy would change a decent amount).

Honestly, though, this is really fun to consider even if only because their frames of reference for the world would be super different from each other. So even if their personalities match up in many ways, they have inherent differences from that alone. (I don't know if I said Any of this in a way that makes sense, but there you go!)

[ledenews]

In today’s world, where opinions seem to clash louder than ever, it is easy to let our differences take center stage. This is especially true in our relationships, whether it’s a close friendship or a family bond. The truth is, no matter how much we care about someone, we will always have disagreements. While those differences can make relationships interesting, it’s the similarities we share that often anchor us, pulling us back together when disagreements threaten to pull us apart. Focusing on what unites us rather than divides us is not about ignoring differences or pretending we agree when we don’t. It’s about prioritizing the parts of our connections that nurture respect, understanding, and love. In our closest relationships, where emotions run deep and the stakes feel high, this focus on common ground can make all the difference. This morning’s message delivered by Pastor Jake Steele was similar to this. Funny thing, I had started the column, but something just was not right with how it was coming together. One of his comments left me thinking about it all day, and when considering it, the words flowed. Pastor Steele said, “disagreement is a given; division is a decision”. Deep! When we first form relationships, it’s usually because we are drawn to shared values or experiences. We find comfort in the ways we are alike and joy in discovering mutual interests. As time goes on, we start to see each other’s quirks and differences, and those initial similarities may fade into the background. In times of tension or disagreement, it helps to bring those shared traits and experiences back to the surface. What was it that initially connected you? Perhaps you share similar life goals or a shared sense of humor. Reflecting on these shared qualities does not erase the differences that might have cropped up, but it reminds us why this person is important in the first place. In any close relationship, trust is essential. Trust is built on respect and understanding, two qualities that flourish when we focus on common ground. When we focus only on differences, we may start to see the other person differently. This can create a subtle barrier, even with people we hold close. By concentrating on our similarities, we reinforce the idea that we’re on the same team. Sometimes, the big differences seem impossible to bridge, but even then, there are usually small similarities that can offer comfort. Maybe you and your loved one disagree on politics or other significant topics, but you both enjoy cooking, hiking, or the same television shows. Focusing on these smaller areas of commonality can be an excellent reminder that, in many ways, you are already on the same wavelength. These shared interests create moments of ease and relaxation in a relationship, offering a reprieve from the strain that differences can sometimes bring. In those moments, it is easier to remember the reasons that originally brought you together. Empathy is much easier to practice when we remember our loved ones are not so different from ourselves. Recognizing shared qualities or struggles can foster empathy even in the most challenging moments. For example, if a close friend is going through a tough time, focusing on how you both value resilience can help you support them better, rather than dwelling on a difference in how you would handle the situation. When we actively seek the similarities we share with those we love, we build the foundation for deeper empathy. This empathy allows us to view the situation with compassion, bridging divides with care rather than criticism. Ultimately, our relationships thrive not because we are the same, but because we are willing to work through our differences, together. It is much easier to do this when we keep at top-of-mind the values and memories we share. Relationships do not last because we agree on every topic. They last because we prioritize the things that matter most. So next time you are in a disagreement with someone close, take a minute to pause and reflect on what brought you together. Remind yourself of shared moments, values, and dreams. Focusing on similarities does not mean ignoring differences. It is the action of letting love guide us back to the reasons we are committed to each other in the first place. In the end, love is not about sameness. It is about accepting and cherishing the whole person. When we look for common ground, we allow our closest relationships to grow deeper, even with the inevitable disagreements. Erikka Storch is a former 13-year member of the West Virgnia House of Delegates who is now the director of External Affairs for Appalachian Power. Storch also has served as the executive director of Project Best, president of the Wheeling Area Chamber of Commerce, and was CFO for Ohio Valley Steel for more than a decade. Read the full article

[perpetual-fool]

I don't feel 'sorry' anymore, but that's apparently not the same issue as 'wrong' or 'happy'.

I have some ideas about 'happy', but 'wrong' seems to be taking precedent. For example, the traditional way of holding a violin or viola while playing is to pinch it between your shoulder and chin. This can cause health problems with the TMJ joint in your jaw and apparently permanent damage to some of the nerves in your neck. I think this could probably be done better, in a way that doesn't risk people's health.

But the general response of the internet people seems to be: in their opinion the problem doesn't exist, or the problem doesn't happen if it's done correctly, or the traditional way is traditional for a reason (unspecified), or changing anything about the way its currently done will make the tone of the instrument worse in some way that's unspecified and implicitly more important than the health of the musician. Further, in the profession opinion of one psychologist, my belief that others might be interested in a better way of doing things wasn't just naive, but delusions of grandeur.

But not only do I have a solution for the problem which I currently use that is cheap and easy, I know of three different patented systems off the top of my head which address the same problem. I'm not wrong.

But also, virtually everyone disagrees and I was professionally diagnosed as crazy. So I have to be wrong.

What do I even? How would one maintain any confidence in their own judgment and perception when being constantly gaslit? It's like I live in a world where everyone insists the sky is purple, and I go so far as to try and compromise with "our subjective perception of color must be different" or "maybe we're using different words to refer to the same thing" and every single time they're like "no, you're wrong it's purple." Worse, I've had times where someone has outright told me that my premises and reasoning were correct, but they disagree with the conclusion. Which is, ya' know, not how that works.

Help?

There's one adjustment I've made that seems to help. When I ask why people did something, they almost always deflect the conversation to intent. "Why did you deliberately take the specific set of actions which would result in the blumbo catching on fire?", "Well it's not like I was trying to set the blumbo on fire". So now I view intent as being completely unrelated to behavior. Because apparently it is. As a result, things still don't make sense but there's nothing to be confused about. It's not that they want to preserve the blumbo but keep accidentally burning it on purpose, it's simply that they burn the blumbo.

Could I do something similar? I can't know that others are being deceptive, but I can know that honest communication requires certain components, and I can know when those components aren't there. So like, the guy who's willing to share the secrets of what exactly is going on with compensated guitar nuts but only if you subscribe to his Patreon at tier 3, it might not be a scam but that's certainly not trending towards legitimacy. And more importantly, he has not provided the information necessary to convince me that there's a 'there' there.

I feel pretty good about this, actually. I feel hopeful? And I'm not feeling bad??

[ariawritingstuff]

In defence of:

Gale,

Spoilers ahead

Buckle up because this is gonna be a long one

I actually did a little searching to try and figure put why people don't like gale, just so I can cover all the bases. Splitting this into two categories, category 1, "you missed the point" these are in my opinion stupid reasons to hate gale the character, whether they're flaws in game design or you just dont get the point I am getting genuinely annoyed with these reasons. and category 2, "you know what that's fair" this series is called "in defense of" so I'm still going to make an argument in defence of these qualities, it's just that these are much more reasonable complaints.

You missed the point

He eats your shinies

He thinks we're dating

He's so horny (yes I have actually seen it said)

He's sensitive about his performance

Talks about his ex

You can't kill him (yes this is a real complaint)

He's defensive early on (yes I've actually seen it said)

You know what that's fair

He threatens to blow himself up when things get hard

Is an insulting know it all

He talks too much

I thought the romance scene was platonic

He violated mystras boundaries

He eats your shinies, so you can let astarion give you a -1 debuff to like everything for at least a day, but you have to have that dancing lights cantrip necklace? Really? I once saw someone complain that he doesn't go get his own magic items and I'm like fam, it's not his fault your hogging all the loot. I'm sure if you just let him spend a portion of the money you found together he'd spend it on the magic ax no one else can or wants to wield. Narritively speaking gale can and does obtain magic items on his own, ypu are just keeping them all and he just doesn't consume the magic in the items he's using until you give him permission. He's not eating your frostwalker boots he's asking you if it's okay for him to eat his own frost walker boots.

"He keeps hitting on my character and gets pissy with me when we aren't dating" that's a glitch not a character flaw, and it can and does happen with other characters. They only think your leading them on because the game told them you are in a relationship. He's not being clingy, your relationship is coded into his memory on accident.

Aside from Wyll and maybe Astarion, Gale is like the least horny character. It's easy to get his approval from him when playing a good tav, so he can develope a pretty major crush pretty easily depending on your choices and how buggy the game feels at any particular moment, but having a crush is not the same as being horny. The man will not even kiss you until he thinks it's literally his last night alive. You are the one oversexualizing him at this point.

This one's smaller and a bit more of a spoiler, but if after you sleep together and he asks if it meant anything to you he gets bothered when you say "it was fine." Here's what I need you to understand: Gale was not asking about his sexual performance in this moment, he was asking about the emotional meaningfulness to you. That's why it's so upsetting to him. He put his heart out there and you responded with apathy. He tells you he's a bad kisser. As far as physical performance goes he knows he's out of practice that's not what bothers him. This one is my least favorite I think.

Mystra wasn't just his ex, she is the goddess of a domain that is a major part of Gale's identity. I know there's the grooming argument and I don't entirely disagree with it, but I don't think she met him as a child. She still holds sway in his life in act one when she has discarded him and obviously she is directly involved with him act 2 onwards. Like if my ex showed up and said "the world would be better off with you dead, here's the means to end it" I might want to talk to someone about it. Also really important here, he only brings up his relationship with mystra in the context of your own relationship if you prompt him, he only compares your relationship with her IF YOU PROMPT HIM. In fact if you ask him directly to compare you to her in bed he refuses to. For Gale to obsess over mystra, you have to.

You can kill him there are just consequences. Gale the character doesn't have the orb for self preservation in fact as soon as Mystra tells him to blow himself up he is so ready to do it. If your really want him dead you can leave him to die in the portal, or chew his arm off as durge. Leave him in camp til act 2 and give him no shinies and he'll leave or you can tell him to get lost if you do give him shinies, or kill the tieflings and he'll leave, and if your like "no I'm not playing an evil tav" why are you so hells bent on killing a party member then? You don't have to accept him into your party in the first place. You're not stuck with him I promise.

He's defensive early on? Bitch where? He's one of the most friendly early on, he just doesn't want to talk about his deepest shame and biggest secret and that is so fair.

That rounds out the stupid reasons to hate gale now we can talk about the more reasonable complaints

He threatens to blow himself up when he's upset. Not really, he does warn against upsetting him, but mostly thats because strong emotions can actually upset his condition and blow everyone up. That's why he won't kiss tav when he says the thought of kissing him is "most welcome" karlach has a similar condition, but she doesn't warn when she's getting upset, she just bursts into flame. There is one point after your night together , and the orb is temporarily sealed, if when he asks about what it meant to you and you respond with apathy, he says not to shake the vessel of the orb, but that's less about "I'm mad I'm going to blow up" more of a "a literal goddess told me to kill myself to save the weave, I have very little to hold onto right now please don't be cruel to me"

Gale is a bit of a know it all and it can be insulting, but 1, he only gives information because he thinks its relevant or useful. He doesn't do it just to make himself feel smart. He says things that are insulting sometimes, but 2, he's been alone for like a year, and before that he wasn't talking to mortals for goddess knows how long. Also It seems that the people who hate gale for being a know it all love Astarion for the same reason.

If you don't like a certain characters party banter or speaking during dialog scenes leave them at camp. Putting "he uses to many big words it makes him seem pompous here as well" same solution.

Larian realized that the romance scene with Gale needed to be a bit more blunt, so now it specifies platonic vs romantic thoughts, so there is no longer confusion. But also he's not the only character who's romance scene is a little ambiguous.

And finally I once saw someone get hung up on the phrase where gale says he "violated mystras boundaries" but in reality that boundary is kind of I a grey area. Her boundary was that he was not allowed to learn something, that kind of goes from boundary setting to controlling behavior, the only thing that keeps it teetering on the edge is that she is magic, and so what gale was learning about was a part of her, sort of, not really because shadow magic is separate from her. What I think is weird is that regardless of how questionable the boundary was in the first place Gale recognizes that it was a boundary and recognizes that what he did hurt someone he cares about and expresses remorse for it. He uses the word boundary explicitly because he knows the weight that word carries and applies the same gravity to his actions. Everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone is willing own up to them and Gale does.

[spurisani]

...I can't believe I'm logging back in again for the first time in like half a decade for this, but apparently I have Opinions on the subject.

I simultaneously emphatically agree and vehemently disagree with this post.

I hate isekai anime. Almost all of it is indeed trash. But I want to love it, because I love the isekai genre.

Allow me to explain.

Basically every single isekai anime out there* started out on free, user-submitted novel sites such as shousetsuka ni narou, kakuyomu or alphapolis**. Think of these sites as more commercial versions (they run on ads, are publisher owned, and/or have other revenue streams) of ao3, but for original fiction.

Normal people*** write whatever the fuck stories they want for people to read for free, and people can bookmark and follow, rate, comment and on some sites write reviews for the story. And if you get popular enough (or you enter your story in one of the periodical themed competitions and get enough votes), you might get a book deal with an actual publisher.

And isekai is one of the biggest genres - if not the biggest genre - on these sites. Hell, isekai was basically born here.

Can you imagine the sort of amazingly wild stories this results in?? isekai is like if someone took a look at Western fantasy and went "...but why is it so serious and shit, though?", and just poured a truckload of crack, fluff and pastel colours all over it. And yes, in a lot of cases also fanservice and/or fucked-up misogynistic shit. Because it's Japan, and the internet, what'd you expect?

But it's easy, feel-good fiction for the tired masses.

You ever see ads for that fish game where you start as a small fish and eat other fish to grow bigger and think "man, this looks like it'd be a great plot for a fantasy novel"? isekai has you covered. (yes, it exists, it's compellingly written and funny af)

You ever wanted to read about a dude who just wants to go NC with his abusive family, live a comfortable life with good food and good friends and maybe try to figure out how to flirt with his genderqueer love interest? Isekai has got your back.

How about a kid gaining the favour of the gods and starting a societal and economical revolution just cause the fantasy world he was in didn't have musical theatre, and he simply could not with that life? isekai is your place to go.

Are you into timid girls who use getting dumped as a chance for self-help, learning that they're actually great and have worth in their own right? Boy, does isekai have like a million stories for you. No, really.

Ever wish Cinderella just went all "fuck this whole suffering meekly thing and waiting for my prince to come, I choose murder"? Isekai, baby.

Are you looking for female protagonists who reject being traditionally feminine and just do whatever they want, telling dirty jokes and not giving a shit about romance? isekai has plenty of that, actually.

Do you wish there was more gay fantasy out there? Oh my god, isekai is so fucking gay.

And let me tell you, publishers love this model. I mean, why wouldn't they, they get to publish novels they know already has an audience and a fanbase. The content already exists, so they can publish super fast with only minor revisions, meaning there's not enough lull that the fanbase loses interest and moves on between releases. (hell, most stories aren't taken down once they get published, and are updated continuously, so there's no real downtime)

The problem is, however, that generally speaking the publisher will want more fanservice for increased mainstream appeal. And then you get even more fanservice for the manga adaptation, and yet more still for the anime adaptation**** (That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Slime, I'm looking at you).

In addition, between the whole sexist idea that male audience media has universal appeal, while female or other "niche" audience media holds no mainstream (read: male) appeal, and the fact that it's cheaper and easier to do an anime for a simple, by the numbers harem series than a more complex story with a larger ensemble cast with actual personalities (easier to sell merch, too), what makes it to the screen is far from the best of what the genre has to offer.

I get why it's like this, but it still bums me the fuck out. And that's why I hate isekai anime.

And no, I don't know if the stories I linked have English translations available. Some of them definitely do (either published or fan translations), so idk, google it if you care, I guess?

*depends on how you define isekai. There are several older anime predating webnovels that technically qualify, but they were made before the term really became a thing and the genre tropes were "set", so they don't really feel like isekai anime.

**No connection to a/b/o, although the tropes have seeped into Japanese fan culture. why. Don't cross the streams

***For a given value of normal? With some of the plots you see, you have to wonder how the fuck the writer's brain works

****Production values also tend to be shit, since the studios are churning out dozens of these shows

terrified to ask this but i think i need to as someone getting into anime:

what on god's green earth is "isekai" and why are its defenders rabid

So isekai is an anime genre that roughly translates to "in another world." These shows tend to all feature some main character (almost always a teenage boy) who gets transported into another world, usually one which runs on video game logic, and usually one with fantasy/DND aesthetics, (and usually one where he gets to become a hero of sorts [eventually] and wins the attention of 3-6 hot girls with 2-dimensional personalities. You know for wish fulfillment.)

The genre by itself is not the problem. The oversaturation is.

It is what I can only assume vampire fiction was to the teen romance landscape back when Twilight was popular.

And because the isekai formula just Works for the fans, most isekai shows do not have to try at all. They can get away with a terrible plot, terrible world-building, and terrible characters because you don't need any of those to be good to appeal to the core demographic. You JUST need to be an isekai. Make sure it has cute waifus that the whale-fans will shell out $$$ for to own their figurines, and bam, you're set.

And the extreme oversaturation (both of isekai and harem shows) means it's squeezing out most anything interesting, original, or innovative. After all if you were an anime studio why WOULD you take a gamble on something innovative when you can recycle the same isekai plot for the 1,000th time and for a much safer bet at turning a profit?

There are, likely, some good isekai out there. But I'm confident in my assessment that that bad far outnumber the good. Some friends and I do a weekly bad-anime-watch-night and usually we just throw a dart at any isekai on the crunchyroll page and it is almost ALWAYS just JUST awful. And as such, someone who chows down on all isekai as their preferred type of media is going to have nothing in common with me. They would also be mad as hell at me saying that isekai is almost universally garbage.

[realtalk-princeton]

I'm a lesbian with an otherwise traditional mindset but none of the gay/bi girls I've met are compatible since they're all very liberal. What should I do?

Response from Ocean:

Well, I'll be honest with you, this isn't a particularly popular outlook in either of those circles (i.e., 'traditional' -- by which I assume you mean conservative -- or the LGBT community).

However, you're definitely not the only one in the world. There's a couple of things you can do:

Go online. There's likely to be a community of similarly-minded people somewhere online, whether on Twitter (is that even a thing anymore?), Reddit, Tumblr, Facebook, idk. Whichever platform you're comfortable with, hunt around and look for a space with people you see eye-to-eye with. Plenty of relationships these days start from DMs, and if you're happy with that kind of connection for now then there's potential.

Try going to the spaces on campus for conservative people, or those who hold your views (religious, etc), and see if you meet any LGBT people there. If you do, make plans to hang out with them, even if they aren't people you'd potentially want to date. They might know other people and you could eventually meet several people with similar views.

Dating apps. Make sure your views are clear in your bio, and see if anyone's curious or open to it.

Compromise. If you don't want to do the other steps, or have tried them to no avail, think about which of your views are most important to you and which you would like a potential partner to agree with. Then think about which ones you would be okay if they disagreed with. You're far more likely (in my opinion) to find a woman who has different views from yours, but doesn't mind if you don't always agree, than to find someone who has an identical worldview. And try to be open to other points of view. If you're going on dates and you are getting along with someone, you can try to hear them present their points of view and say they sound interesting, or that they've given you something to think about. Maybe the two of you can reach an understanding, or 'agree to disagree' on certain issues, or they will make an effort to meet some of your views while you make an effort to meet some of theirs. It happens!

Good luck, keep your heart open, and if you don't find anyone while in college keep in mind that it's a small university and the world is a lot bigger place.

[missmentelle]

What abusers believe.

If you've ever had to deal with an abusive person in your life - like an abusive parent or partner - you've probably wondered what made them treat you that way. If you understand why abuse is happening, the thinking goes, you might be able to figure out how to make it stop. 

So why do abusers do what they do? Do they have anger issues? Drinking problems? Past trauma? Personality disorders? Do they just need to get in touch with their feelings and learn how to communicate better?

Nope. 

Abusive behaviours come from abusive beliefs. Abusers - whether consciously or unconsciously - hold specific beliefs about relationships that drive their behaviour and allow them to justify the horrible things they do. Even if your abuser has never put their beliefs into words, you'll probably recognize a lot of these abusive beliefs:

You are responsible for my emotions. It is never my responsibility to reflect on my emotional reactions or learn better coping skills - it's your responsibility to stop doing things that make me angry or upset.

I must act on my emotions. If I am angry, I am going to lash out. You have no right to criticize me for that, and it's not my responsibility to learn to manage my  emotions - you have to stop making me lash out at you. Asking me not to act on my emotions is controlling and wrong.

You will always be responsible for my emotions. Even if the relationship ends, you will continue to be responsible for my emotions, and I will expect you to continue to prioritize my feelings.

If I have feelings about something, it's my business. If something you do or think causes an emotional reaction in me, then I have a right to get involved or tell you what to do. My feelings must be the priority. You don’t have the right to tell me that it’s none of my business. 

You must judge me on my intentions, not my actions. If I didn't mean to hurt you or scare you, then you don't have the right to be hurt or scared. No one has the right to try to hold me accountable unless I meant to hurt someone.

I get to decide what your intentions were. If you hurt me, you meant to hurt me. If you make me jealous, you meant to make me jealous. Nothing you do is ever accidental or unintended - everything you do is intentional and malicious, even if it was a response to something I did.

My feelings are genuine; your feelings are manipulation. If I'm upset, my feelings are real and important. If you are upset, you have an ulterior motive - you're just trying to be manipulative and get attention or sympathy for yourself.

You have freedoms because I allow you to. Every freedom you have in your life - like wearing what you want - it's because I generously allow it. I expect you to be grateful to me for that. I have the right to take those freedoms away whenever I want, and I expect you to obey.

If you set boundaries with me, you are mistreating me. If you really loved me, you wouldn't set boundaries with me. You are doing this to intentionally hurt me, which means I don't have to respect those boundaries.

You holding me accountable for hurting you is worse than me hurting you. My pain at being called out is worse than your pain at being mistreated. If I feel bad about something I did, I have already been punished enough. You trying to discuss the issue or hold me accountable is just your way of abusing me.

If I apologized for something, you have to forgive me. If the relationship has ended, you have to reconcile with me. You don't get to ask for more time apart or more discussion of the issue - once I've apologized, the matter is closed for good.

The relationship is not over until I say it is over. So long as I want a relationship with you, you must have a relationship with me. Your feelings are irrelevant. Even if we have broken up, you must remain available to me so we can get back together in the future. Not wanting a relationship with me means you are mistreating me or being immature. 

I am the authority in this relationship. I am smarter and more perceptive than you. I know what is best for both of us. My version of events is always the correct one. I have superior judgement, taste and opinions. If you question me or disagree with me after I've given you the correct answer, you are disrespecting and mistreating me, or you are simply immature and incapable of knowing what’s good for you.

I have the right to control you. It is my absolute right to decide what you do and who you associate with. You have no right to disobey me. I am owed obedience and control; if you don’t give me those things, you are wronging me and cheating me out of the relationship I deserve. 

If you resist my control, I am allowed to do whatever I think is necessary to get it back. Once you’ve resisted me, I am justified in whatever I do to regain control of you. I am not responsible for my actions when you resist my control; you forced me to do it, and it’s your own fault. 

I should be your main focus. Everything else in your life comes secondary to me. When you make decisions, my feelings should be your first consideration. You are expected to make sacrifices for me and put me at the center of your life; I am not obligated to do the same for you. 

If I spend money on you or do something for you, you are in debt to me. You spending money on me or doing things for me does not erase your debt to me, and I am never in debt to you. You are indebted to me for as long as I decide. I may decide that your belongings and earnings also belong to me, since I allow you to have them. I may also decide at any time that you owe me for gifts I gave you, even if they were meant to be gifts.

I am not abusive, and you are not allowed to tell me otherwise. I know what abuse is, and real abusers are significantly worse than me. If our relationship has ever had any good times or positive moments, it can’t possibly be abusive. If you accuse me of being abusive, you are the one abusing me, or you have been led astray by bad influences. 

Relationships should be effortless (for me). I am owed a relationship that is peaceful and requires no real effort from me. It is your job to make sure we have that kind of relationship. If there is any tension or conflict in the relationship, it is your fault, and you are depriving me of the relationship I deserve to have. 

Abusers and victims alike often buy into the narrative that abuse is rooted in anger issues - after all, abusers are frequently angry, and anger is an issue that can be treated. But this narrative just isn’t true. Abusers aren’t abusive because they are angry. Abusers are angry because they are abusive. 

A non-abusive partner is not someone who has learned how to control their rage whenever you spend time with your friends or get home 15 minutes late from work. A non-abusive partner just doesn’t feel any rage in those situations. An abuser’s rage is firmly rooted in their beliefs about relationships - they feel entitled to a relationship that meets their impossible expectations, and when they inevitably don’t get it, they bubble over with fury. Whether they know it or not, they have firmly entrenched beliefs about how relationships should be, and those beliefs are at the heart of their abuse. 

Can abusers stop believing these things? Maybe. If they can acknowledge that they have these beliefs, accept that these beliefs are dangerous and unreasonable and let go of these beliefs, maybe it’s possible for them to no longer be abusive in the future. Maybe. But it’s not your job to hang around and find out. If you’re in an abusive relationship of any kind, you deserve better. There are many people in this world who don’t hold abusive views of relationships, and you deserve to find happiness with them. 

[sunder-soul]

PROMPT 1: Hellooooooo! First off ur writing goes off, second off listen to this idea that i truly think u can bring to life... reader n tom r in a relationship and someone tried to slip tom to love potion but ofc he doesn't fall for it and his gf is like ??? and then they rub their relationship in her face LOL. anyways no worried just thought this would slap! Admire u n ur work!!

PROMPT 2: hey i love your the last of your rules series and everything else you’ve written. i’m not very creative so idk what exactly i’m looking for plot wise i just trust you since everything you’ve written is good but i was wondering if maybe you could write a tom x ravenclaw reader please. the ravenclaw reader tends to be more emotionally reserved and isn’t big on physical affection and maybe tom finds that interesting in a way? idk this idea might suck but felt like asking anyways...

Decided to combine these two because I could see them working really well together… :D

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

Retribution

Summary: After somebody tries to slip Tom a love potion to break up him and Ravenclaw Reader’s relationship, they get a little bit theatrical in response...

Wordcount: 1.8k

Content warning: none.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

“Good morning,” says Tom evenly, lifting a wide-brimmed cup to his lips and taking an even sip as he looks at you.

“Is it?” you say dryly, sitting down opposite him at the Slytherin table and pulling out the new Magical Theory textbook. “Have you looked over this yet?”

“I have,” Tom replies with a very small smile. “Not to your liking?”

“Sophus writes like it’s still the seventeenth century,” you say with a shake of your head, “which isn’t surprising considering I don’t think he included a single reference from the last two hundred years… I mean honestly –” you wave at the title on the front of the book, “– ‘Corpus Magikus?’ Even the title makes it sound ancient.”

“Did you have any criticisms about the actual content per chance?” Tom asks as he lifts his tea again – though it doesn’t quite hide the amused smile on his lips. “Or did you not manage to get past the articulation?”

You give him a look. “The articulation is just as important as the content.”

“I completely disagree,” he replies easily, his cup clinking as he rests it back on its saucer, “regardless of how it is written, his points are extremely sophisticated.”

“I’m not talking about the quality of his points, I’m talking about how well he makes them accessible,” you say at once, picking up a piece of toast and buttering it lightly, “he can have the best criticisms of Magical Theory in the world and no one will care if they can’t understand what he’s saying.”

Tom arches a brow and leans forward on the table, resting on his forearms. “You’re placing the responsibility of understanding an argument on the person presenting it, and not the person receiving it,” he says fluidly, “personally when I find something difficult to understand, I take it as an indicator that I need to return to the topic after better preparing myself.”

“That works fine as an individualistic perspective,” you reply at once, leaning forward to match him, “but a book isn’t written for an individual, is it? It’s written for an audience. A book like this is measured by how wide an audience it can reach, meaning the responsibility is half on him to write accessibly, and half on the audience to go away and fill the holes in our own understanding. That’s when information is dispersed most effectively.”

“Your priority is the dispersion of information as a whole and not the expansion of your personal field of knowledge, and that is the crux of our differing opinion,” Tom says, sitting up straighter and tilting his head calmly.

“I am very aware,” you say dryly, “but you shouldn’t dismiss the importance of charisma when it comes to spreading information. After all, academics aren’t exactly known to be the most charismatic people most of the time, so you end up with intelligent, useful tomes that are utterly incomprehensible to most people –” you nod at the text again, “whilst compelling idiotic drivel is widely consumed.”

The Daily Prophet lands with a thump on your breakfast plate as the delivery owl swoops away with a mournful hoot, and you share a pointed, very wry look with Tom.

Tom breathes a little laugh and laces his fingers around his cup. “So you’re not looking forward to Magical Theory, then.”

“I am,” you amend, frowning, “I just hope the class follows more like Waffling’s work than this.”

“Of course you like Waffling,” Tom smirks, lifting his cup, “he effectively writes in verse –”

Tom suddenly freezes, his brow furrowing lightly. You raise a brow at his sudden reaction. “What?”

He looks down at his tea, still frowning.

“Tom?” you prompt, bemused.

“Someone has attempted to drug me,” he says in complete seriousness, looking up at you.

You stare back, bewildered. “Is… is this more Tom humour?” you ask after a moment, “you seriously need more practice at making jokes, Tom, you really are terrible at it –”

“I’m not joking,” Tom interrupts crisply.

Your scrutiny drops to the cup in his hand. “How can you tell?”

“My tea smells like you.”

Your brows raise. “Excuse me?”

“My tea,” he repeats evenly, his dark eyes coming alight with a flicker of amusement as he leans closer, his cup still in one hand, “rather suddenly smells like you. I can only assume someone has managed to slip Amortentia into my cup sometime during this conversation.”

You blink at him. “Oh,” you say simply.

Tom’s lips curve into a more defined smirk at your expression.

“Well who’s trying to drug you then?” you ask quickly, looking away.

“An excellent question,” he says silkily, eyes still on you. “Their motive is hardly a mystery, so that should narrow it down.”

You roll your eyes and level him with a flat look. “Nothing could narrow it down less, Tom,” you drawl, “half the school is in love with you, and the other half is in denial about being in love with you.”

Tom arches a brow and looks very pleased with himself. “Should I drink it and we can find out?” he asks in amusement, lifting the cup.

You huff a laugh and take a bite of your toast. “Go on then, but don’t expect any sympathy from me when you’re pouring your heart out to some random stranger in front of the whole school a minute from now.”

His hand freezes with the rim of his cup an inch from his mouth, amusement faltering.

“That’s what I thought,” you smirk. “If you want to play it that way you’re going to have to be smarter than that.”

“Oh?” he asks, dark eyes narrowing. “And what would you suggest?”

“If someone drugged you during this conversation then they’re probably watching for your reaction,” you say casually around bites of your toast, “so just look out for someone who’s waiting for you to dramatically break up with me.”

“According to you, that would be the entire school,” Tom mutters, looking significantly more disgruntled than before.

A grin slowly builds on your face. “That was nearly a real joke, Tom,” you say ironically, “Merlin you’ve come so far…”

He shoots you a flat glare and you snicker. “Alright, sorry, I’ll stop – look, if I storm out of here looking upset and you act all conflicted and brooding for the rest of the day, whoever it was will probably try to come talk to you.”

“How theatrical,” Tom deadpans.

You shrug. “Do you want to know who drugged you or not?”

His eyes remain on yours for a moment, and then he lifts the tea to his lips. You watch him pretend to drink, your eyes lingering on the tea glistening on his lips as he lowers the cup.

“Don’t lick your lips,” you say quietly, not quite able to look away.

Tom’s other hand shifts slightly where it’s resting on the table between you, and the tea vanishes both from his lips and the cup. You give him another dry look. “Show off,” you accuse, smiling, “wandless and non-verbal, huh?”

“If you ask nicely, I’ll teach you how to do it,” he smirks.

You huff a laugh and slide Corpus Magikus back into your bag. “I should make my dramatic exit soon,” you say casually, finishing your toast and looking around the hall absently. “Perhaps we should have a fight first.”

“That would make it more convincing, yes,” he says delicately, still looking amused.

“What shall we fight about?"

Tom’s expression immediately cools and he leans in so close that you can see the patterns in his dark irises. “The content doesn’t matter,” he says smoothly, a glimmer in his eyes despite his utterly blank expression, “rather, the articulation.”

You hold his gaze for a second, fighting the urge to smile. You force yourself to stand suddenly, as if he’s said something of great offence. “I’ve never seen you so quickly converted to my opinion, Tom,” you say icily, leaning down to him over the table and hoping it looks like you’re angry.

“You made your argument very convincingly,” Tom says immediately, lifting his chin coolly.

“Actively demonstrating my point, I suppose,” you snap, standing straight. “I’m going to storm out now.”

“I’ll see you in class,” he says dismissively, pouring himself more tea.

You turn on your heel and leave, ignoring the curious eyes following you on your way out and not letting the smile break on your face until you’re well outside the Hall. Now all you have to do is wait.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

“Amelia Staghart,” Tom says in your ear before swiftly sitting down next to you in Potions that afternoon.

You raise a brow at him, watching as he arranges his Potions kit on the desk – Staghart is sitting a few desks behind you at that very moment and can most definitely see the both of you. “Are we no longer having a fight?”

“I grew tired of that pretence rather quickly,” Tom says curtly.

You smirk. “Did she talk to you?”

“Yes.” He looks decidedly irritated.

“A lot, huh.”

He shoots you a glare and you bite back another smile. “Are you going to report her then?” you ask, writing the date out on your parchment.

“No,” Tom says softly. You glance up curiously at his tone and find his dark eyes watching you write, before they flick up to yours. “I can think of a more pertinent retribution for her to endure,” he finishes quietly, not looking away.

“Retribution?” you echo, arching a brow with a slight smile. “And you accuse me of being theatrical.”

But Tom only leans closer and – to general astonishment – places a very gentle kiss on your cheek. His lips linger soft and warm on your skin for a moment as you’re frozen in place, staring at him as he slowly draws away an inch. His eyes roam your face as you blink in surprise, his lips curving into another humorous smile at your expression when there’s a sudden SMASH from behind you.

The entire class turns from where they’ve been staring wide-eyed at Tom’s display of affection to see Staghart’s inkwell knocked asunder on her desk, spreading black ink across the wood and dripping down to the floor, her eyes wide and her expression thunderstruck as she stares at you.

“Clean that up at once, Staghart!” Slughorn says disapprovingly as he strides into the room. “I certainly hope your clumsiness does not extend through today’s lesson – we’re brewing poisons today, class!”

Staghart goes red as the rest of the students titter and chatter, furiously glaring at the pool of ink dripping into her lap. 

You glance at Tom and share a silent look of amusement before the two of you simultaneously turn back to your notes, still smirking.