#that fake life that I've created in my brain

[olivianyx]

OMGG I JUST GOT RESULTS WITHOUT BEATING MYSELF UP WITH ROUTINES 😭 + RANT ✨

HEYY LUVS! I JUST WANNA SHARE MY RESULTS I MANIFESTED WITHIN 2-3 DAYS! THIS YEAR'S GONNA BE MY BEST YEAR Y'ALL ✋AND GUESS WHAT I DID? NOTHING. LITERALLY NOTHING. NUH-UH. PERIODT.

⚠ LONG POST AHEAD, SWEARING ⚠

WHAT I MANIFESTED:

🪄 PASSING MY FRESHMAN YEAR WITH HIGH SCORES

🪄 MY FAMILY BOUGHT A NEW APARTMENT WHICH WERE PREPARING TO MOVE IN 3 WEEKS

🪄 ME GETTING INTO THE VOID STATE 😭 AND MANIFESTED CLEAR SKIN! (DAYUM GETTING INTO THE VOID IS DEFO VERY EASY OMGG)

🪄 GETTING LESS ANXIOUS LATELY!

🪄 MY GASTRITIS AND ULCERITIS GETTING CURED

🪄 GETTING MORE COMPLIMENTS IN MY UNI!

🪄 GETTING TALLER! I WENT FROM 5'3" TO 5'7" IN 2 DAYS 😭😭

🪄 GETTING DREAMS OF ME SHIFTING TO MY WR 🥺 (ACTUALLY RESPAWNING LOL, AS THIS THING IS REALLY CONTROVERSIAL IN HERE, PLEASE DON'T GET ME CANCELLED- I'M DOING DEATHLESS RESPAWNING ✋)

🪄 MY MIND IS SURPRISINGLY CALM 😌 THERE'S STILL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS THO (THOSE ARE ANNOYING ASS BITCHES) BUT I JUST IGNORE EM LIKE I IGNORE PEOPLE AT SCHOOL 🗿

🪄 GOT MANY CONFESSIONS TOO 😭 AND I REJECTED EM ALL, CUS I JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE ✋🗿 JK

🪄 GETTING COOL CLOTHES THAT MY MOM DENIED A LOTTA TIMES! (ACTUALLY I'VE ORDERED EM BUT STILL HAVEN'T SHIPPED TO MY ADDRESS YET LOL)

🪄 MY CRUSH BECOMING CLOSE TO ME HEHE 🤭 LIKE SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME MUCH, BUT LATELY SHE'S BEEN TOO CLOSE TO ME AND ALWAYS WANNA BE WITH ME LOL, 3 DAYS BACK SHE AND I WALKED HOME TOGETHER, WHILE WE GRABBED SOME SNACKS, SPOKE ABT EACH OTHER AND ALL (I FELT LIKE BEING IN A SHOUJO MANGA 😩)

🪄 A NEW PHONE! THAT SAMSUNG GALAXY S22 😩

I MANIFESTED EVERYTHING WITHIN 3 DAYS 😭 I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES, JUST. 3. FUCKING. DAYS. GODDAMMIT.

HOW I DID IT:

JUST FULFILLED IT IN MY IMAGINATION

YEP, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT. I LIVED IN THE 4D REALITY, I NEVER GAVE A SHIT ABOUT THE 3D AT ALL. OK LEMME BREAK IT DOWN FOR Y'ALL SO JUST PAY ATTENTION FROM HERE ONWARDS.

🪄 SUPPOSE SOMETHING UNDESIRABLE OR UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE HAPPENING IN YOUR 3D. WHO'S THE CAUSE FOR THAT? YOU. 'BUT I DIDN'T IMAGINE OR THINK OF THESE 😭' BABY, YOU'RE THE SOLE CAUSE, EFFECT, AND THE SOLUTION. THERE'S NO OTHER EXPLANATION TO THIS.

🪄 AS WE ALL KNOW, 3D IS A MIRROR. RIGHT? WHATEVER YOU THINK ABOUT, YOUR ASSUMPTIONS, YOUR THOUGHTS, YOUR FEELINGS, YOUR PERSPECTIVE EVERYTHING WILL BE REFLECTED. SO WHY NOT THINK THE WAY YOU WANT SO YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE SAME? GET IT.

🪄 IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE 3D, CHANGE YOUR 4D FIRST. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE TO HOW YOUR DESIRED SELF WOULD SEE THE WORLD. KEEP DWELLING IN IT. IF THE 3D SHOWS UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES, DON'T FUCKING GET TRIGGERED. GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION AND DENY YOUR SENSES.

🪄 EVERYTIME YOU SEE SOMETHING ELSE IN THE 3D, GO 'BRUHH THIS IS MY OLD STORY, I ALREADY HAVE WHAT I WANT, THIS IS JUST FAKE' AND MOVE ON. DISTRACT YOURSELF. CUS THE 3D WORLD WHICH YOU SEE IS AN ILLUSION, IT'S NOT REAL. IT'S YOUR CREATION, WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO CONTROL WHAT YOU CREATED? IT'S ALREADY IN CONTROL. YOU ONLY GOTTA REALISE YOUR GODSELF. YOU ARE THE CREATOR, NOT THE CREATION. STOP FUCKING VICTIMIZING YOURSELF.

🪄 I GET IT THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED BETWEEN LAW OF ASSUMPTION AND NON DUALISM. EVEN I WAS, BUT SLOWLY I REALISED THAT WE'RE ALL NOTHING. WE'RE JUST LIVING IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. VICTIMIZING OURSELVES IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. IRONIC RIGHT?

🪄 THOSE THOUGHTS, ANXIETY, FEELINGS, EMOTIONS ARE ALL IN YOUR PHYSICAL REALM. YOUR MIND, YOUR BODY, YOUR EGO EVERYTHING IS NO REAL, WE ASSUME IT TO BE. WE'RE ARE SHAPELESS, FORMLESS, WE'RE NOTHING! AND EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME. CUS EVERYTHING COMES DOWN TO ONE THING, I AM.

🪄 K Y'ALL MIGHT BE SUPER CONFUSED, WHAT I'M TRYNA INFUSE IN YOUR BRAINS. SO WHAT YOU DO IS, LIVE IN YOUR 4D.HOW? IMAGINATION. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SEE IN YOUR 3D, GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION, AFFIRM OR VISUALISE. ANYTHING IS FINE BTW. JUST STAY IN THE STATE OF WISH FULFILLED.

🪄 STOP RELYING ON METHODS, FUCK THEM. JUST BE. DON'T TRY TO CHANGE SOMETHING WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE THEM. JUST STOP, SURRENDER, STOP FIGHTING, STOP TRYING SO HARD WHEN YOUR ALREADY IT. SO GO LIVE IN YOUR IMAGINATION, FULLY SURRENDER. DO THINGS WHICH YOU LIKE. GO LIVE YOUR LIFE. TAKE YOUR POWER BACK.

LIKE AREN'T YOU TIRED? TRAPPED IN YOUR OWN CREATIONS? YOU CREATED THEM, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE WHATEVER. TELL ME HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA LIVE THIS BULLSHIT LIFE? YOU'RE REALLY GETTING COMFORTABLE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE. SO LISTEN UP, DO WHAT YOU LOVE, AFFIRM, VISUALISE, OR DAYDREAM, ZONE OUT, WHATEVER. ALL I DID WAS DO THIS MEDITATION IN THE MORNING, WENT ABOUT MY DAY WATCHING JUJUTSU KAISEN LMAO. THEN RANDOMLY AFFIRM, LIVED IN MY 4D, NEVER PAYED ANY FUCKING ATTENTION TO MY 3D, CUS I'M GOD. I REALLY LOVE VISUALISING, SO I PUT ON A SONG AND START DAYDREAMING IN MY ROOM SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT. ALSO, I DID SATS BEFORE GOING TO BED. THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL I DID FOR 3 FUCKING DAYS, AND GOT WHAT EVER I WANT. ALSO I MADE A CUSTOM TAPE TOO (IT'S A GENERAL SELF CONCEPT ONE) I LISTENED TO IT FOR 30 MINS AND JUST WENT ABOUT MY DAY THINKING I HAD WHATEVER I FUCKING DESIRE, CUS IT'S ALL MY CREATIONS AND I HAVE IT ALREADY. THERE'S NOTHING TO GET, IT'S ALREADY IN ME.

LUV YOU, BYE 💋

[sugar-grigri]

Fujimoto answers you directly in this chapter (yes)

How about reading CSM differently? Or at least cut it up differently? Because the more the chapters progress, the more a certain pattern seems to repeat itself: Part 1 sounds as if Fujimoto is unveiling CSM in its purest form, then Part 2 sounds as if CSM is responding to its own reception by its fans. 

I've already said many times that Fujimoto likes contrast in form and in writing, and this chapter, though brain-numbing, simply follows Fujimoto's own rules, only in an even more accentuated way. 

To prove my point, I recommend you reread chapter 133 "Protest", which for me speaks directly to the divisive image represented by Fujimoto and his work Chainsaw Man. 

I've already done an exhaustive analysis of it, but let's get one thing out of the way: Fujimoto answers his fans in part 2. 

Whether it's by posing a heroine who seems incompatible with Denji, hating the figure of CSM which is nonetheless the work in which she's included, whether it's through the themes addressed by part 2, the question of dual identity, creating antagonists like Fake!CSM, setting up a church (us) around CSM 

We're in a work that speaks for itself, as chapter 137 confirms, and for this very rule, we refer to the previous chapters (an eternal restart).

Chapter 136, entitled "Normal Life", refers to a more-than-CENTRAL theme in Chainsaw Man, the nerve that irrigated the whole of Part 1 Denji's disillusionment, a bargaining chip for the former antagonist, Fujimoto takes his fans by the hand and puts them back into the game they know. 

We see what we'd all expected to see, a Denji who doesn't know how to fit into normal life, who's not cut out for 

In my previous analysis, I explained how not only is Denji incapable of having a normal life, not only because of himself but also because of Yoshida, who offers him this life, and above all because of Fujimoto, who abruptly breaks the rhythm of his own chapter with this aggression, frustrating (I'm sure on purpose) his own fans. 

What Fujimoto does is make you think you were reading in the right direction, showing you a Denji depressed by his normal life, and like a child amused by not wanting to be predictable, he breaks what would otherwise have been a logical thing to see. I mean… Who could have foreseen such a title?

Chapter 137 simply follows the same logic: Fujimoto has foreseen your frustrated reactions and knows full well that you've become attached to Denji, hoping that he'll break out of the cycle of manipulation. 

He plays you in this chapter by setting up a confident, emotionally well-adjusted Denji who pushes this stranger away, reminding her of the rules of respect and consent. 

It's not just Denji's thoughts, the way he would have liked to act, it's also the way YOU would have liked him to act. 

Now I can explain why these chapters, which break with the previous ones in their absurdity, are surely the most important in CSM. 

Many had pointed to the famous cinema reference in chapter 136, others had even noted that chapter 136 constituted chapter 39 of part 2, responding to Makima's date with Denji in part 1 in the same chapter. 

But chapter 39 of part 1 wasn't just interesting for the cinema scene, it was the one that set the rules for understanding CSM. 

In fact, it was this chapter to which chapter 93 responded, with Denji's ideology (in favor of bad movies) confronting Makima (against bad movies).

In the same way, the second chapter 39 (the 136th) also seeks to lay down rules

Chapters 136 and 137 have never been more responsive to CSM fans, stubbornly denying them what they want. 

What Fujimoto does is to return to cinema in its purest form in the second half, using the codes of the middle-aged male slasher. 

That's why the two high-school students go to Fujimoto's karaoke bar, because you're going to find yourself in its purest essence: having fun with the utmost absurdity. 

It's no longer a question of representing cinema, as in the two chapters 39, but of making cinema.

But why a slasher? Think of the mythical slashers that traumatized a generation… Yes… The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a work that has achieved cult status for having opened the door to a new trend in American horror cinema: the slasher movie. Nothing represents a slasher movie more than a chainsaw-headed hero?

Inspired by the Italian "giallos", slasher movies feature a masked killer, a gang of youngsters and the killings of the serial killer in question. Fujimoto takes up this theme in his own way: Denji doesn't kill with his iconic chainsaw, he's not masked, and it's the young couple who hold the beats and the shady men who get killed.

If we go back to the depression we all expected to see, it's actually more complicated to understand: Denji's depression at being trapped in a type of writing that's too serious for him. 

Here Denji follows the rules of the game, enjoying himself by killing all those old people, saying ironically: "not bad this normal life". 

Because this scene is perfectly normal in Fujimoto's karaoke.  

In itself, Yoshida was right. Indeed, no, Denji is not the hero of the normal film that was unfolding before them. Because they're not in normal life, it's projected onto the screen. CSM's reality is an absurd slasher. It is in this slasher, in this false normal life, that the protagonist, Denji, is.

Denji is the protagonist of another film. And maybe in this one, the world needs Chaisaw Man.

[irisintheafterglow]

NOW PLAYING...IRIS' ROM-COM SPECIAL (20s)

SELECT YOUR LOVE INTEREST:

THE SWEETHEARTS: kirishima eijiro, todoroki shoto, iwaizumi hajime, bachira meguru, umemiya hajime, kaminari denki. THE PLAYBOYS: gojo satoru, hoshina soshiro, kuroo tetsurou, takami keigo/hawks, miya atsumu. THE BROODERS: sakusa kiyoomi, bakugo katsuki, suna rintaro, roronoa zoro, itoshi sae. THE WILDCARDS: nanami kento, miya osamu, itoshi rin, geto suguru, todoroki touya.

SELECT YOUR SCREENING:

1. 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU - A newcomer underclassman crushes on your sister, and pulls some strings to get you to go out with the reckless bad boy that is oddly charming. STARRING: ITOSHI RIN // PART II: GETO SUGURU // PART III: HOSHINA SOSHIRO 2. LEGALLY BLONDE - Your boyfriend breaks up with you because he's going to law school, so you follow him. What do you do when he decides it's over, even when you're there? Fall for your professor's junior partner, of course! STARRING: NANAMI KENTO // PART II: KUROO TETSUROU 3. THE PROPOSAL - Your boss asks you for a favor: marry him so he doesn't get kicked from the country. The problem? You're going with him when he proposes to you on holiday at his family home. STARRING: GOJO SATORU // PART II: HOSHINA SOSHIRO // PART III: KIRISHIMA EIJIRO 4. 27 DRESSES - You're a bridesmaid for hire whose boss falls in love with your sister. And she wants you to plan her wedding. And the guy who helped you not get a concussion is stupidly cute. STARRING: ITOSHI SAE // PART II: SUNA RINTAROU 5. SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE - For the record, he doesn't believe in love anymore. But, to appease his son, he talks to the reporter on the radio. Now he has a choice to make: does he risk it all to meet you on Valentine's Day? STARRING: BAKUGO KATSUKI 6. WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING - You fell in love with the cute guy that always passes you at work. When an accident puts him in a coma and his family thinks you're engaged, what do you do when you fall for his brother instead? STARRING: RORONOA ZORO // PART II: TODOROKI TOUYA 7. HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS - As a writer, your next big project is to create a list of what traits make men lose romantic interest. Too bad your latest target is hellbent on winning a bet of his own: to make you fall in love. STARRING: MIYA ATSUMU // PART II: DENKI KAMINARI // PART III: GOJO SATORU 8. THE WEDDING PLANNER - On the eve of celebrating your greatest career achievement, you're saved from imminent disaster by the man of your dreams. Unfortunately, he's engaged...and is hiring you to be his wedding planner. STARRING: IWAIZUMI HAJIME 9. ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE - On again, off again, you and your childhood best friend went separate ways in life. Back in your hometown for the opening of your first restaurant, you don't expect to see him again. Or expect to see that he's hot. STARRING: MIYA OSAMU 10. LA LA LAND - One was a burnt out actor. One was an aspiring jazz musician. Need I say more? STARRING: RORONOA ZORO 11. THE WEDDING DATE - You have the genius idea of hiring a male escort to accompany you to your sibling's wedding, and find there's more to him than his physique. STARRING: GETO SUGURU // PART II: MIYA ATSUMU // PART III: HOSHINA SOSHIRO 12. 50 FIRST DATES - Whether it's a blessing or a curse, the effects of an accident on your brain cause you to fall in love with him again...and again...and again...and again...and... STARRING: TOUYA TODOROKI // PART II: SAKUSA KIYOOMI // PART III: NANAMI KENTO 13. TO ALL THE BOYS I'VE LOVED BEFORE - Your sister sends the letters you'd written to every boy you'd had a crush on. Fake dating and chaos ensues. STARRING: IWAIZUMI HAJIME // PART II: TODOROKI SHOTO // PART III: KIRISHIMA EIJIRO

TO RESERVE YOUR SEAT:

REQUESTS ARE NOW CLOSED, THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO SUBMITTED <3

DIRECTOR'S NOTES:

EEK okay so this is my first ever event and it's for my birthday :) I'm a huge fan of rom-coms so I gathered some of my favorites of all time to apply some new characters to and hopefully make you want to watch (or rewatch) them too! I'm very excited to host this event and hopefully have some fun fics released in the process. Thank you all so much for your support on my blog, I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. Disney+ banner was made by me, heart dividers are by the wonderful @cafekitsune !

[kaiannae]

It is time- (Or: It Has Begin XD)

Greetings, my dear readers, it has been quite some time. First and foremost I would like to assure you that yes, I'm alive, and no, I have not abandoned my writing. But, I HAVE been distracted by somehing in the last few months, and I think its time to reveal it. I made a game! And not just a game, a Shadowgast game. I would like to present to you:

Beacon Run.

Ko-Fi This game begun its existance as a homework project for a game dev course I took about a year ago. I was supposed to implement a simple chase and pickup game and I thought, "Why use some random sprites when all I can imagine is small chibi Caleb chasing small chibi Essek around while Essek is trying to nom beacons?"

This idea lit a fire in my brain, and I just had to implement it but I had a very short time for the assignment. Iended up implementing something very simple, but I just couldn't let it go afterwards and vowed I was going to finish that small game and get it out for the fandom to play.

It has since been rewriteen, refactored and recoded several times, until I had something workable to show others. This is the place to mention the major contribution the people fo AIFL had on this little game. As I was maing this game, I shared its early stages with the server, and people have been kind in thier enthusasm, gave me ideas and provided invaluable criticism and feedback. They kept me motivated and kept me going through the lows of frustration one gets when coding. I got @bumble-b-goode 's permission to use their designs for the Weezards and drew my own sprites using that as inspiration. I ended up creating most of the assets for this game. Drawing the art assets took quite some time and I've learned a lot in the process.

Beacon Run not big or complicated as a game. In essence, is a tribute and a love letter to the Critical Role community and the CR crew. To the people who brought to life the Mighty Nein and have shared, and continue to share their stories with us on a weekly basis throughout the years. For Liam and Matt, who have weaved the tale of two broken wizards mending each other into better people, and keep their children of ink and paper alive for us to enjoy. The game: You as a player, are randomly assigned a little wizard to play for each match, so you can play as Essek or Caleb. The board dimensions and obstacles and even the flooring art are randomized for each match so each match is different. Your goal: to collect as many Beacons as you can during the allotted time, and end up with more Beacons than your rival which is the other wizard played by the computer. You gain projectiles over time, which are fake Beacons you can throw at the other wizard. If hit, the rival wizard is stunned for a short time, and drops several of his picked up Beacons for you to gather. However, beware! The rival wizard can also shoot you and stun you for a short while, and make you drop beacons as well. (You might notice that Essek gets stunned by sour lemon Beacons, while Caleb gets stunned by hand-knitted wool Beacons XD) In addition, when the rival is hit, he may drop a Magic Abeyance Bead which contains a Chronurgy spell. if you pick it up, it will provide a short time bonus for the match. In short, the game is a small, cozy game, made out of love for the wizards and the fandom, and I hope you'll enjoy it! I it still in the late stages of testing and development, as the feedback players provide is invaluable and lets me find bugs, add ideas and content suggested and tweak the mechanics to make it more enjoyable. So I would very much appreciate feedback, suggestions, con-crit etc. I would be happy to head what you like about it, what you think needs tweaking, ideas of content to add.... you name it! (Note that currently, the game does not work on mobile. I am planing to revamp the input system and add touch suport for mobile in the near future) Also it is worth mentioning that as I fix bugs, add content and tweak things, I upload new versions of the game so its worth following the Devlog and updates. The game is avaliable for play in the embedded player on the page, and also available for download to play offline (Though you might need to redownload it with every new version as I don't have an auto updater for it.)

In addition, if you like my work, feel like enabling me to make more of these or just want to buy me a coffee, It is always very much appreciated as it sure helps me stay afloat! Tip Jar

So, I hope you forgive me for my lack of writing for the last few months. I really wanted to get this out. I am trying to keep writing in my spare time, but the muses haven't been with me lately. I hope that now that this is out I can finally get my mind off it XD Stay tuned!

[enjoythesilentworld]

2024 fandom review!

thank u for the tag @willesredlights sorry it took me literally ages to get to it

lets pretend we're not almost two weeks into the new year ok? and what a year it has been. holy shit.

~ Fics written ~

I'll be honest I did go a little batshit crazy this past year. 314k words across 19 published works, plus god knows how much more unpublished on tumblr. listen, I was deep in the ??? phase of my master's (still am, lets be honest) and desperately looking for a new creative outlet. I've always been a writer, always loved dreaming up stories, but I have never quite connected to a universe as much as I have to this one. I resonate with so many of the characters, and i just feel like there is so much room to play and explore. i will continue to add in old people OCs to my fics wherever and whenever i get the chance.

First fic: for the tree's sake (M, 48k) aka tree boys inspired by the trip that eventually led to my discover of young royals in late '23, and my darling baby. yes, that airplane ride that seems weird and random is based on truth!

Fav fic: just if for a minute (T, 53k) aka fake married idiots i greatly enjoyed making Wille suffer for just under 53k. that confrontation scene took days off my life and yet i am so proud of how it turned out.

Honorary mention to Growing towards the light, which was a dream to work on and create with my dear sweet friend Lia. there is one braincell between the two of us and it's full of nature facts and dick jokes. and beautiful stories about getting lost in the wilderness and finding yourself along the way. and tent-dick jokes.

Last fic: Wille på Hyllan (T, 13k) aka christmas shenanigans! another collab with my dearest friends which was hilarious to write and so silly and imo an example of one of the greatest perks of being in a fandom: meeting some of the most incredible people ever. also, dick-lights and dick-tomtar and dick-cookies. what more could you want?

~ Fics Read ~

if i tried to go through my history and tell you how many fics i read this year i would never make this post. i'd be here counting and trying to copy links forever. i read hundreds of fics. i enjoyed all of them, thoroughly. i got a lot better at leaving comments (sometimes). i was consistently and repeatedly blown away by the genius brains we have in this little Swedish corner of the internet.

if you are a writer i love you and i give u a kiss on the forehead.

also: i recently made a lil rec list here.

~ Other Stuff? ~

i had two big, busy months this year. three? : May, Wille's month & July, Simon's month i cannot believe i wrote 62 stories in 62 different universes (give or take a few). that's kind of stupid! but oh my god it was so fun!! some of my favs: -> Food, where Wille and Simon meet and embark on a mistakenly booked couples food tour in Barcelona -> Fashion/Style, aka the Met Gala AU aka the thing that turned into something so much bigger than i could have ever imagined. literally i thought people were gonna hate it. so, thank u for not hating it. and for letting it become 15k+ of pwp. -> Secret, friends to lovers RAHHHHHH -> Home (Improvement), aka grumpy home renovator Simon idk i just feel like this should become a full-blown fic one day

and oh boy who can forget about Kinktober from wax kinks in 17th century Italy to desperate love confession in the middle of wildfires to... whatever that was in the confessional (idk, that's between them and God).

2024...

I did some painting: x x I wrote some real weird lil ficlets: x x and I met dozens of incredible people. thank u for liking my stupid rambling posts from 3am and my silly little ficlets and for reading my stories and telling me about your stories and saving me from the Frankfurt airport and yelling with me about stuff thats definitely not in the Bible and sharing your time and space and art and care.

@bigalockwood @hergrandplan @gulliblelemon @saynomorefic @pagegirlintraining @skibasyndrome @sobadbad @impossibleknots @piebingo @theaviatorthatcouldnotfly @misfithive @sillylittleflower @zee-has-commitment-issues @purplehoodiesandclementines @justfriendsbestthings

giving u a big hug. and! this is by no means an exhaustive list. if ur reading this we are bffs. send me a message ok? ok. y'all keep me sane and happy and i am so grateful for you! live love wilmon

[bluepopofanarts]

I don't give clear spoilers from the S2 but read the next with precautions (I imply things but I prefer giving the warning. I hate spoilers so I try to avoid it to others even if with the S2 my brain was impatient XD).

------

Little AU (another after the swap comic XD) where they have met in childhood. They both share the same origin story but one day they just met randomly when Viktor played with his boat (probably just after meeting Singed because I drew an healthy Rio).

The timeline changed her direction to a long-time friendship where they shared every steps of their life. I drew Rio with them but infortunately she had the same fate (I swear I keep the main scenario because I didn't find how to save her. If I find something I'd change the description ! XD Maybe bringing her back with some Hextech magic, even if that implies she is white/gold if you know what I mean lol).

They did their studies together and created te Hexgems. The main difference : they've never created the unstable ones that destroyed the appartment (because Viktor was already here "to crank it") but they also never dared to talk about them. So when the group stole them they both ended up in trial for creating the Hexgems. But Mel saved them both and their part of the story is the same (except the fact that Viktor being put under the spotlight gave him a Councilor place too. He enjoyed that like an introvert in front of a full theatre xD).

For the Zaunist side, and because the Hexgems are stable, they didn't create the deadly huge explosion. Milo finished to free Vander, Claggor created the wall hole and everybody escaped. Even Powder who were already outside, she didn't fly with the explosion like in the original.

BUT

Silco took the Hexgems and started to create weapon with them + the Shimmer.

So yes, Jayce and Viktor are in trouble because they have to create the Hexgates and trying to keep peace. Luckily Victor is the one trying to find peace with Silco. And Vander helped a lot with a certain heartbreaking piece of paper (I'm still crying all the water I drunk in a week everytime I read it ! And !spoiler for the artbook! having the artbook with that letter in it is not helping ! XD)

And because I really love (in a painful, tearful, brain-eating, obsessive, and highly passionate way) what happened to my precious Vitya in the next season, I guess they found peace and gave independance to Zaun but a certain someone set the Council room in fire to start again the hatred (probably a dangerous woman in red who already prouved that she can plot horrible plans !). So Silco is alive but we still have the S2 (yes even the absolute horrific end of the episode 6. Seriously, even after knowing what/why/all the things and reasons, fuck you still, Jayce).

So this is how I fixed the utopic timeline of the episode 7 (not gonna lie guys but I was absolutly not a fan of this moment when I saw it for the first time. For me Arcane was "impossible to give me joy" "this is probably some kind of Arcane bad trip and they are in reality in some kind of deadly nightmare" "everything is fake", I was super suspicious so I did'nt enjoy it like I should have do xD But now I'm fine with that even if a lot of things are illogic, but it's still beautiful to enjoyer peace and love).

Anyway, more Jayvik incoming because they are the biggest brainroat I've ever had in my damn life. Viktor really set my mind in pieces and I don't recover from it. But I forgive him because it's Viktor <3

Merry Christmas even if it's the end of the day ! (almost 10pm here xD)

[zosonils-art]

rewatched the sonic ova a few months ago. since then i've thought a bit too hard about the only loosely explained way that hyper metal sonic was created, been irreversibly changed by the idea of a sonic who wakes up in a body that isn't his and discovers that all his memories and friendships and adventures belong to someone else now, rekindled my obsession with the various metal sonics of pre-reboot archie, and finally learned how to care about sonic heroes

photon is basically every version of metal sonic ever, a few of the charmingly edgy aus i wrote when i was 11, and a few sonic cd fan theories all thrown in a blender and kicked down a flight of stairs, and i'm kind of obsessed with him. really, REALLY long infodump and some supplementary scribbles under the cut

WELCOME TO THE PHOTON ZONE

a little after sa2, eggman lures sonic into some trap that pins him down long enough for an electronic copy to be made of his brain. sonic trashes the place and escapes with only a mild headache and a bruised ego, but all the data eggman scraped is intact. as he's creating neo metal sonic, eggman uploads this digital ghost of sonic into him, with the intention to upgrade from having a fancy bootleg to a truly 'perfect' answer to sonic, who can simulate his entire psyche in real time and know everything he's going to do before he does it

[eggman would love to steal a hedgehog, actually]

unfortunately for eggman, his latest copy is too perfect, and sonic's indomitable will and sense of self easily overpowers any feeble attempts the rest of neo metal sonic's programming makes to keep him in line. pretty much the moment he's booted up, he books it outta there as fast as possible to go find his friends and fix things. with all of sonic's memories embedded in him, the thought that he isn't the real thing doesn't even cross metal's mind - as far as he knows, he made an embarrassing blunder in a dingy old egg base, had something done to his brain, and then woke up miles away in a robot body that eggman must have stuffed him into somehow. he just has to find tails and amy and knuckles and the rest, make sure he didn't hurt any of them during that mysterious gap in his memory, and slap together a plan to get his body back and shove eggman into a puddle. no sweat!

so naturally, it's a bit hurtful when none of his friends believe for a second that he's who he says he is. and it's a LOT hurtful when the real sonic shows up, in the body that's SUPPOSED to be his, and metal suddenly has no idea who or what he is

even though it's not enough to override the sonic personality, eggman's programming is still twisting metal's thoughts. an angry killer robot is an effective killer robot, so any negative emotion or violent impulse is forced to the front of his mind. metal is angry at eggman for doing this to him, and at his friends for not trusting him, and at sonic for existing in the body and life that belong to him, and all of this gets mixed in with the existential despair and knee-jerk denial of what's happening to him and then magnified tenfold. a version of the sonic heroes storyline takes place as metal's mental state worsens exponentially, and he begins to lash out more and more violently at everyone and everything around him in increasingly desperate attempts to prove [mostly to himself] that this other sonic is a fake.

this culminates in the metal overlord battle, where metal [who's escalated from 'prove himself superior to sonic' to 'defeat sonic and force him to admit the truth' to 'literally just kill him, since he's obviously a hyper realistic android sent by eggman or whatever and not a real thing that can feel pain and die'] harnesses the chaos emeralds in a last-ditch effort to prove his strength and reduce the 'fake' sonic to ashes - only for his body to twist and mutate into something so utterly, viscerally Wrong that the fear and confusion cause what's left of sonic in him to just shut down from distress, finally leaving only the mindless killing machine eggman set out to make in the first place and forcing super sonic to step in and kick metal overlord's ass. defeated by the power of friendship, depowered, and severely damaged, metal finally accepts and admits that he isn't the real sonic and probably never was, and doesn't fight it when his systems fail and he loses consciousness

contrary to what his anger had him believe, though, metal's [former?] friends did see that he was suffering and needed answers, and so sonic and tails take him back to the workshop in mystic ruins to shed some light on the whole situation. when tails finds a disturbingly perfect resemblance to an organic brain in the program map, everything finally clicks - what that weird Beam Of Give You Headache sonic got hit by a couple months ago was, how eggman made a metal sonic that knew so much about the real thing's life, why this metal seemed less mechanically violent and more genuinely emotionally distressed. with eggman's loyalty programming scrubbed from his system, metal wakes back up confused and upset but much more 'himself', and even manages a few natural-feeling responses as tails explains what he found and apologises over and over for not being able to help sooner.

he still doesn't like sonic.

metal leaves pretty much as soon as he's in working condition. even when sonic isn't there reminding him that he isn't himself anymore, he can't stand being around a tails who isn't his brother. he takes to wandering the world directionlessly, trying to figure out who he is now and find a place in a world that doesn't remember him. he's not sonic anymore, and it'd be easier to list the things he doesn't hate about being called 'metal sonic' or just metal, so after a while he settles on introducing himself as 'photon' - another intangible fast thing, like sound, but comfortably distant from his old name. [it's also a stupendously petty means of one-upping sonic, light being faster than sound and everything. drama queen.]

the timeline gets way fuzzier after all this overdetailed nonsense, but things do get better for photon. he has an identity now, and it's fragile and cobbled together and still missing pieces, but it belongs to him and nobody else. he strikes up a few odd but sincere friendships - he hangs out with big when he needs a calm and comforting presence, and has a fierce friendly rivalry with shadow underpinned by their quietly shared experience of not knowing whether to trust their own memory, and much later down the line he bonds with belle over the mundane frustrations of being a robot [and, privately, because she's the best fit so far for the tails-shaped hole in his heart]. he keeps up the drifter lifestyle, making new memories to replace painful old ones, finding ways to use his robot abilities for fun or to help people rather than purely as tools of destruction. it's not perfect for photon, he's still deeply bitter and existentially lonely and missing a sense of purpose, but it's Better, and that counts for something

photon is like some of the earlier [western] depictions of sonic in personality - rougher around the edges, more sarcastic and much less sincere, often brushing up against the line between playfully teasing and just being a bully. whereas sonic has grown into the generally kinder and more patient person he is these days thanks to the friends he's made and the adventures he's had, photon split off from him when that character development was just barely starting, and the trauma from his loss of identity made him regress instead of moving forward. he's still a kind person at heart, but that period of artificially inflated anger and despair has left its mark on how he handles his emotions, even if the programming that first caused it is long gone.

powers-wise, photon is pretty much identical to neo metal sonic, albeit with some limitations. he's as fast and strong as the real thing, can shapeshift or use chaos control if he's got an emerald with him, and with all 7 can take on a super form - though since the metal overlord incident, he's refused to try. [i'm leaving it open whether metal overlord is his innate super transformation now or if it was caused by him tapping into the negative energy of the chaos emeralds rather than sonic's usual positive, since both are really fun ideas. either way, becoming metal overlord was way too traumatic for photon to have any interest in trying again for now.]

he can still copy the biodata of living beings that he comes into contact with, but most of his storage space is taken up by the entire organic brain being simulated in realtime, which he's definitely not willing to modify or delete, so he's effectively limited to only the most recent two or three powers he's copied. he shapeshifts a little to reflect the data he's pulling from, mostly because it's fun to imagine what it'd look like. also because i'm a mega man guy. once again it all comes back to worlds collide being peak fiction

this concludes THE PHOTON ZONE, if only because this has been in my drafts for 3 days and i just want to make my damn post already. if the 1400 word infodump didn't make it clear i am VERY obsessed with my sad little metal sonic amalgam lmao. all this and i still had to cut a ton of details to prevent this infodump from being do you love the colour of the photon, so if my unhinged ramblings have convinced you to care about him even a fraction as much as i do i'd be thrilled to answer any followup questions here or on my main!!!!

[the-girl-in-the-high-castle]

The absurdity and stupidity of all shitflix cancelations lies in one simple question: How many of those canceled shows have you actually heard of before they got canceled?

- Warrior Nun - never heard of it until the moment I started seeing its fans spamming every shitflix post. And that was its second season. It had two seasons, for fucks sake, and most of us have never heard of it. You wanna know whose fault that is? Let me give you a hint. No, it's not the viewing numbers.

- First Kill (or whatever its name is) - Never heard of it until, once again, I saw people complaining about the cancelation under shitflix posts. Once again, guess whose fault that is.

- Santa Clarita Diet - Never heard of it. Didn't even know it was canceled until it made it to the list of pissed of people counting how many of them they axed. Whose fault is that?

- Inside Job - Yeah, never heard of it until it got canceled. Also, canceled after they renewed it. Shitflix: guess we changed our minds.

- Archive 81 - Heard of it when the cancelation was announced.

- The OA - Remember just hearing about it through the fog, even though it came out years ago.

- Sense 8 - know about it only thanks to fans' videos and fanart. I don't remember shitflix ever mentioning it.

- Lockwood & Co - I know about it thanks to fans spamming posts asking for renewal news.

And the list goes on with, I assume, shows I have never heard of.

I've never seen any of these shows, but my open wound is 1899 that I believe got treated the dirtiest of them all.

I have heard of it two years before the premiere, thanks to a 50 seconds long teaser that got me patiently waiting for years because it was my cup of tea. It came from the people who proved themselves before by creating a critically acclaimed show that you can find on a top 10 list of greatest shows of all time. Those people have spent years developing a new filming technique for shitflix. What a way to say thank you.

8 out of 10 people around me have seen 1899. Those people haven't even seen GoT or LotR for fucks sake, the most famous show and movie ever, but they have seen 1899. But not because shitflix promoted it, but because people did.

There was zero promotion, zero cast interviews, zero mentions after the release. It was still watched and talked about by so many people. It has more viewing hours than their hit shows running for 3+ seasons put together. It's a show you can't just binge and forget, you have to actually turn your fucking brain on. It was released in the most busy time of the year, during the damn World Cup and winter holidays. It was still number one for weeks. It was given less than 30 days. They decided to cancel it before it even premiered. They deleted the trailer with 10+ million views from YT.

The same goes with other shows. I have seen zero cast interviews, zero promotion or mentions by their own platform and they still have loyal fan bases that didn't stop talking about them.

But then you have dogshit shows like the Night agent that is getting hyped by shtflix every single fucking day. Fake numbers, pumped up to get people to watch a generic, a hundred times seen before, piece of crap. It got more hype than fucking GoT, and yet I know zero people who have actually watched it. Yep, there is no one I know, in real life or online, that has actually watched this show. So you figure it out.

People who have watched the shows I've mentioned probably have the statistics for them, and have probably seen the viewing hours being blamed for it, which was bullshit.

The latest nail in the coffin was Lockwood & Co. They kept fans waiting for months, and then they announced the cancelation during Eurovision so that fans wouldn't be able to go viral about it because everyone talked about fucking Eurovision.

Shitflix has canceled 26 sci-fi/fantasy shows in the last 3 years. 26! Do you all remember when we couldn't even name 26 shows of all genres put together, let alone watch them?

What all these shows had in common is that they were original and more or less unique and creative, not something you can find at least 6 copies of in either streaming or network TV.

It's like they created all these shows just so they can cancel them, because they are doing their best to actually burn every trace they ever existed.

Shitflix is killing creativity in every form, but in the end, that will be their undoing.

[atrophiedemotion]

okay doc *lies down on the therapy couch* tell me about aspd Ivan

(you don’t have to obviously I’m just curious)(love you)

hello valued patient, i will very gladly tell you about aspd ivan. (love you too tysm for the question)

before i start this i just want to add a disclaimer that i do not have aspd. if anyone with aspd says i'm wrong on this definitely believe them before me, this is just a personal headcanon. (i have discussed this with a friend w aspd who agrees with me and im in a similar wheelhouse to aspd, so i have a good amount of knowledge due to that and a lot of research, which is where the headcanon stems from)

okay, so to fully speak about how and why i see ivan with aspd i'm going to also mention the other pd i headcanon ivan with because i want to fully express my perception of him. i personally interpret ivan as having an aspd/npd combination (aspd im more sure of). i see aspd as something ivan was born with a predisposition for (reduced gray matter in the brain, less MAO-A, etc) that got solidified in his very early childhood growing up in the slums and going through the whole 'hung off the top of a building and threatened with death if he didn't make the cut' thing. genetics and trauma, the usual causes. npd is something i imagine him developing later on in life ofc, slowly over time. his chosen survival method being creating a fake persona others admire and his nonexistent self worth & horrible self loathing lead to him developing it (kind of as a subconscious coping mechanism).

okay, with that out of the way, why do i think ivan has aspd?

well. there are a lot of reasons. for one, vivinos and qmeng themselves say that ivan doesn't experience emotions in the same way others do, that he has a 'twisted' personality, he manipulated others to 'play with their feelings', that there was 'something off' about him, etc. while the way these are worded are a little,, derogatory,, it's all very important to ivan's character.

ivan's emotions are muted and dulled compared to others', he literally physically cannot experience them in the same way neurotypicals (in terms of pds) can. from that and other examples in alnst (setting up the wagyein incident w mizi & till, his reaction to his win in r3, his lack of care when it comes to lying & manipulation, etc) it can be pretty safely assumed that ivan doesn't really experience empathy. that's why he learns from other's visible emotions and mirrors them, because he doesn't feel them and instead adopts other people's reactions so he can react/act accordingly/'normally' (specifying here that not having empathy does not mean someone cannot feel sympathy or care about anyone. empathy is being able to feel/pick up on someone else's emotions it does NOT mean someone is uncaring okay thanks moving on).

ivan's tendency to manipulate and lie isn't really explicitly shown much in alnst but the implications are there and very telling imo. before i get into this i want to also specify that 'manipulate' is not the big scary evil word most people think it is and literally everyone does it. to manipulate is to try to have control over a situation, to influence someone/something to get your ideal outcome/get your needs met. many people with cluster b pds learn to manipulate from a young age as a survival mechanism because it is the only way to get the things they need. in ivan's case, his entire fake persona for the aliens and his placations and straight up lying to his peers/teachers/fans etc about his feelings and personality is all manipulation to paint himself in a more favorable light so he has a higher chance of survival. i also wouldn't put it past him to casually manipulate other students at anakt when he was younger so he could learn/observe more things (which was shown with the wagyein incident but i imagine that wasn't the only occasion). i've talked about ivan using subterfuge and disguising his actual intentions behind his odd behaviors which, yk, is manipulation.

when it comes to violence, ivan really doesn't seem to be outwardly violent unless provoked, but when he is he's uncaring about the pain he's causing the other (till lmao) and more focused on what he gets out of the exchange (till's attention & expressions and, imo, a physical stress release). i wasn't sure i was going to bring it up bc i wasn't going to get into the whole pwaspd are violent thing (i dont think it's true for everyone. thoughts and urges are different than actions) but i wanted to talk about ivan's lack of awareness when it comes to it. he impulsively fights back, doesn't pull his punches, and revels in it.

there's also his apparent lack of remorse for his actions (stepping on the flower crown, fighting till, leading mizi and till into danger, all that) and impulsivity when he's not masking (though i consider ivan to be a more calculating individual, a lot of his interactions with till show him doing things impulsively). his difficulty in forming intimate emotional connections with others, his lack of self worth and general lack of care for his own wellbeing, his fatalistic world view.

all of these are symptoms of aspd. im not going to pull out the dsm-5 (ew) because i hate the way it words things (love stigma against mentally ill folks), but all of the things i talked about go along with aspd, which is why i personally think ivan has it. a genetic predisposition, a fuckton of trauma in early childhood (qmeng refers to his time in the slums as a 'dark past') and onward through anakt and beyond, and his lack of emotional understanding. all of it lends itself to aspd. i think this adds a whole new level of understanding to ivan and his reasons for things and just. why he is the way he is. and figuring this out for myself made me love ivan all the more. all of the alnst characters are just traumatized kids who never learned how to live and be human and ivan having an even different baseline than most others put him even more at a disadvantage.

i just want to, like. give this guy therapy or at least make sure he knows that it’s not his fault that his mind works the way it does and there’s nothing wrong with it. and with that, i shall end it here LMAO. tysm rock for the ask ik i asked if you were okay with an essay but this is longer than i anticipated skxjsn i hope you liked it!! and if anyone has any other questions about aspd or npd ivan lmk personality disorders are one of my special interests i love talking about this stuff ajxnsn

[daydreamsandafternoonteafics]

You Know I'm Always Coming Back To This Place

Hi, hello, hey- I don't even know where to begin because I never genuinely thought I'd be back here.

Some of you may know me as CrumpetsAndTea or Daydreamsandafternoontea or maybe you don't remember any of my handles and just vaguely remember my stories: Let's Pretend It's Love, the quirky, fake-dating AU featuring a mildly-misanthropic cat and Netflix loving MC who convinces Harry to be her fake boyfriend in preparation for her sister's wedding or Crossroads, the angsty, pregnancy AU that centers around the misunderstood and isolated catering company-owning MC's tumultuous marriage to an emotionally unavailable, workaholic Harry with an unexpected pregnancy as the last possible lifeline for their union.

If any of that rings a bell to you, you've probably noticed my fics dropped off the face of this website, along with my blog and really most of the original Tumblr 1D fanfic community, which reached its peak somewhere between 2015 and 2019.

Writing has always been a passion of mine and something I've loved to do since I was nine years old. Fanfic gave me an outlet to create my own little impossible worlds where my teenage obsession was the star. Little daydreams I kept hidden in my thoughts could be brought to life in this virtual space and to say that it changed my life would be an understatement. Looking back at it all now, it's crazy to think what a major part 1D fanfiction played in shaping the brain chemistry of a certain age group. You really just had to be there for it all.

If we're being totally honest, I started writing 1D fanfic a bit late. The band was already on the decline and near hiatus by the time my fics gained any traction but our community here on Tumblr still managed to ride the rollercoaster out well beyond its peak.

You may wonder why I deleted my original blog and fics, and the answer is fairly short and simple but also completely complicated: life. I juggled finishing college and a major chronic illness along with the dreaded existential confusion of adult life while crafting these stories and then of course the major fandom burnout crept up.

Those joyful carefree days with unlimited free time to write were replaced with stress and sickness and I'd forgotten what it was like to be passionate about something. Dealing with the separation of 1D as a group and the boys' subsequent solo careers was also a somewhat difficult concept to grasp. I am glad that they have/had the freedom to pursue music they are most passionate about but there was a ton of toxicity that arose with the division of acts.

The "family" that I once thought of the 1D fandom as was now a mess of divided houses with a particular group putting down the other boys to uplift one as the most superior. I've always been a Harry girl by nature. He was the boy in the group that stood out the most to me. I fell for his gorgeous green eyes, adorable dimples, and offbeat sense of humor. The songs he put his pen to spoke to me the most(even without knowing he wrote them), His raspy baritone was one of the most unique voices I'd ever heard and we shared a love of the same type of music.

Being a just Harry girl felt right. Until it didn't.

I found myself feeling very uncomfortable amongst this new group of "harries" that was emerging with the debut of his solo career. This group consisted of some of us OG 1D stans who were crazy about Harry from the start but the loudest voices were those who never cared about 1D at all and used Harry's success to insult and talk down on the other boys.

Some will probably say I'm being nit-picky or overly sensitive but the vitrol coming from harries was awful. As a Black POC fan, I especially found myself feeling uncomfortable and sometimes unsafe reading some of the racist remarks made about Zayn or the white fans who called black harries "annoying" and "whinny" for attempting to get H to aknowledge the BLM movement.

All of this never really gave me the opportunity to adjust to or even enjoy Harry's solo roll out and I found myself even looking at him funny for the way that his fans were acting. (Not that his fans are a reflection of Harry but a toxic fandom can certainly turn a fan or casual listener off with no wrong doing on the actually artist's part). Interacting with the fandom wasn't fun anymore, it was anxiety inducing and left me feeling awful everytime.

I got seriously ill right before the release of Fine Line and exhausted with everything, I decided to pull the plug on all Harry-related fandom. I couldn't even bring myself to write fics anymore. It was quite the adjustment but I've found that not religiously keeping up with him and the fandom has been better for my mental health. Maybe the Harry fandom has changed(I seriously hope it has) but that unfortunately was my experience.

So why am I back? Well, I think we all know the answer.

Trying to process Liam's death has been difficul and surreal. I don't think any celebrity death has or will ever affect me in this way. There's been a bunch of incredibly insensitive think pieces about his passing and how fans are processing everything. Surely I didn't know Liam personally but having lost a brother at a very young age, I do have a perspecivtive of the pain his family is feeling at the moment which adds a different level to the grief I feel as a fan. However, I think what hits me the hardest is now having all the warm, fuzzy memories of enjoying 1D will now be bittersweet and soiled with the reality that Liam is no longer with us.

There's so much that's been lost here: a son, father, brother, boyfriend, friend bandmate ect and also the fact that 1D will never exist as a full unit anymore. There's the loss of my youth, knowing I'm ten years older than the 18 year old girl who swore I would never get over those five boys.

It's a bittersweet reality to realzie that dispite adult life jading my optimisim, One Direction was never too far from my heart and mind. I still feel the imense joy listening to their music or watching their interviews I felt all those years ago. I still feel that magical spark when reminising about my years stanning the band and the inner teenager in me wants to hold onto every bit I can.

I'm sure I'm not the only 1D stan in that place right now so I decided to bring back my fics for all who enjoyed them. With the recent events and nostalgia, I also find myself coming up with new ideas but I can't promise any active fic writing at the moment. I just don't think I have the time. I will however pick "Crossroads" back up. I think that was some of my best writing and I still thought about that fic years after abandoning it.

I think there's still time for me to fall back in love with Harry but for now, I'll mostly be preserving this space for the nostalgia of 1D. If any of you were writers from this era of 1D fanfic or read some of my fics, I do hope you'll stop by and say hello. I'd love to catch up with some of you all and see how you're doing.

[amethysia]

alright, I'm caving because my brain won't stop thinking about it. Even though I know so little about Gravity Falls and I've lived vicariously through others since five-ever.

This is a long one, so buckle up.

So with the book of bill, some folks have said that bill can get reincarnated. My brain was like, "well, how about a back in time/different universe reincarnation au?" And this reincarnation makes Bill born as the older brother of Fiddleford (either as a fraternal twin or just by a year). Let's say Bill's real name is Williford Cyrus McGucket, because yknow, why not. He's definitely the sassier, charismatic brother, with some playful bickering. He's a bit heftier with black hair, and has a weird passion for bowties. He and Fiddleford are close and decide to go to the same college together. Bill goes to become an astronomer and astro physicist. He meets Stanford when he visits his brother's dorm room.

The three of them become close and after graduation, work together.

At some point, Bill catches the feels for Ford. However, he notices at one point, Fiddleford also has feelings for Stanford. Fidds doesn't outright say anything, but Bill can tell, because he knows his brother. Now, in this world, he actually loves others more, albeit he still has a rather arrogant attitude. So he has a moment to think about it, writes some letters, and 'quits' working with his brother and Ford. He packs his things and heads westward.

Fidds and Ford are shocked that he left, but reads his letters. Essentially, it says to them that he loves them both, wants to try something new with his life, and who knows from there. PS, you two make a cute couple. They both get nervous and embarrassed that Bill would say that, but in a cute turn of events, they wind up confessing to each other anyhow.

Bill is pretending to not be sad, trying to be happy for his brother and Ford, but can't help but throw himself a pity party when he stays in another state, still trying to figure out what to do with his life (we find out Bill is a wine snob thanks to this moment in his life). At some point a certain door to door salesman comes along who looks an awful lot like Ford. Confused, Bill thinks something weird happened to Ford, but the salesman is obviously Stanley. Bill befriends him and realizes that he could help him out in his business endeavors, due to his 'genius' and giving him the opportunity to figure out his own future if this goes well.

They hatch up a scheme of making an oddities tourist attraction ala Ripley's, in a place that is affordable, has "gullible" locals, and is something they can run with minimum effort and can make the most profit. (Btw, because of this, our boy Stanley dodges jail time)

Stanley and Bill create the Mystery Shack. Because Stanley has been on adventures with Ford and Bill has knowledge of weird things, they are able to take the time to explore Gravity Falls and catch cryptids and other curiosities there. It becomes an odd place where there's fake dead fairies, but a real mummy corpse. Fake cursed gold, but a probably very real cursed spear. They are both charismatic swindlers, but amazing business partners. Because of their similarities, they become great friends over time. "Mr. Decipher" likes to wear a top hat and a gold colored sport coat (Stan: "that jacket makes your hips stand out, like you're triangular shaped."). "Mr. Mystery" wears a fez and a nice suit. (Bill: "At least I don't look like a Shriner...")

Many years later, with a fairly successful, somewhat shadely run, business, Dipper and Mabel arrive. Stan is nervous and does everything to prepare, even asking Bill to shape up a bit too. Bill agrees, because Stan has been a great friend to him and it's amusing to see him so excited.

They have a wild summer. (Bill is a bad influence for Mabel in the party hard sense, but he also becomes a bit of a mentor to Dipper, due to his scientific background.)

At one point, Ford and Fiddleford stop by to visit. They all catch up. Bill is kind of awkward, even though he's written to them, called, 'made peace with being single', but still a little sad over missing out on a potential relationship. Ford thanks Bill for helping him and Fiddleford get together all those years ago and Bill gives him a sober and solemn "you're welcome, Sixer". The visit is pleasant and the rest of summer runs its course.

A day after Fidds and Ford leave, Stan sits down with Bill. He knows the story about why he stopped working with them and how putting distance between them made their bond with him grow. He also thanks him for their business, their friendship, and for helping with the twins. Bill is also grateful and thanks Stan for putting up with him all these years.

Mabel at some point asks Stan how he got such a weird boyfriend. Stan obviously gets all, "What are you talking about?!" At another point, Mabel asks Bill how he landed her grunkle Stan. Bill just stares at her and asks, "Little too much candy today, ey Shooting Star?"

Later that day, Stan is the first to relay Mabel's question and Bill laughs, "you too, huh?"

Stan asks if Bill wants to go out at sea some day on the Stan-of-War and enthusiastically Bill agrees.

Hope you enjoyed my nonsense. Sorry if a lot of it is rather inaccurate, but I guess that's what AUs are for? Lol. Cheers!

[a-dragons-journal]

To 'Link or Not To 'Link

That is a question I've been pondering on and off for some time.

I've been considering forming a Na'vi copinglink for... I'm not sure, a couple months? Since a bit before Othercon, when it occurred to me while I was writing my hearthomes panel. My feelings about my hearthome are often so tied up in the Na'vi specifically that it feels a bit strange; I know that it's not because they're actually "more important" to me than any other part of Eywa'eveng, when I really dig into and dissect it, but sometimes my brain is fooled.

It's because so much of the Avatar media we have focuses overwhelmingly on the Na'vi - which, of course it does; for one thing, they're the human analogues the audience is meant to connect to, and for another, they're representative of Indigenous cultures that the movies are trying to encourage their audience to care about and protect. So we have worlds more depth on the Na'vi and their cultures than we have on... basically anything else on Eywa'eveng. It's very natural, therefore, that a majority of my brainspace is taken up by Na'vi - it's pretty proportional to the majority of media being taken up by Na'vi.

But it feels... odd, sometimes. Almost a little fake, I guess. It makes me pause to question, over and over, whether there's a connection to them specifically even when I've dismissed that possibility over and over. It got more intense when Frontiers of Pandora came out, with the Sarentu, Na'vi kids who were stolen from their slaughtered clan, put into residential schools, and later escape as young adults and join the Resistance pushing the RDA back off the planet. Their experience of exploring a world that they should belong to and be integrally a part of and yet which is completely alien to them mirrors my hearthome experiences very closely in many ways, which makes them resonate hard with me. And the way some parts of their story hit, particularly (no spoilers) the portion during the Kame'tire storyline where you explore an old TAP facility... heugh.

Creating a Na'vi linktype, maybe even specifically a Sarentu linktype, would give me an outlet for these feelings, let me choose to shape them in a way that works for me. It would allow me to engage with that more closely without feeling almost like I'm betraying my hearthome, and it might just plain feel nice.

But... do I need it? Do I need to do that, really? Would it actually benefit me, or might it actually make life more complicated for me instead of less?

And where do I start? I have a couple of 'linking guides, but - do I make a character and then try to 'link them? Do I start with the broad strokes of the species and then fill in the details later on? Some combination of the two? Do I even bother with trying to make an individual identity, or just focus on being Na'vi in general?

I'm a little trapped by decision paralysis, if you couldn't tell. Writing this out, however, has made me realize that that is most of what's stopping me - when I stop to ask myself why I shouldn't try it, there's not actually many (if any) good reasons.

My headmates have been exploring the realm of choosing to shape and create their own identities when memories don't suffice. Maybe it's my turn.

[childrenofcain-if]

Hi! I want to start by warning that this will probably be a long rant about how much i love your IFs. But first, I hope you feel better soon!

The first IF of yours i played was the pjo one, which sent me down a rabbit hole of going through the rest of them (still haven't played tcs but i will soon 🤞🏻). It was just BAFFLING how people could be so purposefully ignorant about the concept of fanfiction and accused you over and over of plagiarism like, please go outside and touch grass, clearly the internet has stopped your brain from developing critical thinking.

Anyways, the adaptation was so well done and faithful while also exuding a newness to it that i am very excited to see unravel. I understand at the moment it has been paused (and I don't know if you've addressed why it's no longer up) and i hope with time you can feel comfortable with it again. None of the shit you've gotten was deserved or even understandable but alas, it still happened. As a content creator myself, i truly truly sympathize with you. I hope these words offer some comfort, however small.

Same goes for WLB, but the awe at how descriptive and raw your writing is really peaked through in something of your own creation. I find myself revisiting it and experiencing the exhilaration from my first reading all over again. I can't wait to watch everyone around my mc descend into eldritch madness as they become more and more unhinged. Consequences of my own actions? Never heard of them, i want my mc to go apeshit!

Now, gods where do i start... TBOTYG is *chef's kiss* flawless, i never thought i could become so obsessed with anything with only one part. I awaited the demo with baited breath, already anticipating all the ways you would surprise and impress (and you did). Every choice, every scenario, the way you build your plot and characters, your descriptions (I don't know if you can tell that I'm a little too hung up on the writing aspect of it) of characters and actions and feelings. The amount of work and effort you put into characterization is so very clear and it feels very freeing to have that amount of control over a character that we're supposed to "relate" to (in the context of the narrative, almost as if living vicariously through them). i think that no matter how much time passes, your IFs will remain a staple in the community and every player who finds your gems will feel blessed and changed after playing.

It's gotten to the point I've created a whole google doc of my MC, and made fake ig accounts with interactions (just for myself, to cope with the anticipation) and this is a level of commitment I've only felt with my own OCs and works. In such a short time, your IFs have carved a deep space for themselves in my life. I find myself replaying and going through their official pages religiously even though I've read every post already.

a question! will every LI's gender be chosen individually? I'm wondering because C and D are suitmates, but is it doable if they're different genders? same for mc and V. I'm thinking yes but also wanted to be sure

Honestly very very sorry for the long rant, I'm sure you have better things to do 😭😭 but i had the uncontrollable urge to express my feelings on your art and it took me an entire day of trying to talk myself out of it (i failed).

(also, here's my mc's profile and dm box. her royal highness maxine's ig profile is private btw. going for c route first. Mitică is the romanian diminutive for the name Dimitru, and opsis is an ancient greek concept i thought would fit V)

i’m speechless (sentimentally), dear reader 😭 i still can’t believe some people would take the time out of their day to think about my silly little worlds and the characters in it, less of all like how i’ve written my works. every single time i hit a writer’s block or have the whole doxxing trauma flare up again, i think of quitting but it’s the urge to write stories and the joy of sharing it with everyone that is still keeping me going.

i can’t explain how much your words mean to me because this is what i write for. to have people relate to or identify with or adore the world and characters i’ve built is such a dream within itself. from the bottom of my heart, i am thankful for every single reader who has always been nothing but supportive from day one. if elias has his apple, i have y’all. and no, it doesn’t mean y’all can have my meagre inheritance but it’s the sentiment that counts.

to answer your question, every single LIs gender will be selectable! blackthorne hall has individual bedrooms per suite so y’all will only be sharing the common areas and kitchenette with V while having your own personal space. it’s more like an apartment than a usual college dorm tbh.

oh and please, rant away! i’d love nothing more than to hear about your MCs and the various headcanons, questions, or theories you might have!

(also please knock C down a few pegs, they desperately need it 😔)

[historia-vitae-magistras]

Can I ask why Arthur is your exception to what is otherwise your bisexuality rule? You've shown other relationships besides fruk so I'm curious.

Women deserve better. Jk I do think he's bi, I kind of like engbel especially but much its because my universe stems into the 1980s and Nancy Reagan probably would have tried to gob on some lime and salt nuts if she'd caught a vibe and it's just better for everyone if there are no vibes to catch. He's just sliding towards the mlm version of the Kinsey scale. Also I think I've been really influenced by how there's this really fascinating string of real people in history who were considered very effete, think dandies or Oscar Wilde types. And they were suspected of sexual activities that were then very illegal. Except sometimes they have a shit ton of rumored bastards and that could often keep them off the radar or out of jail.

I've read the archival material of a lot of men right into modern times who would have a very fake but very intense looking romance with a dying woman who was often their very good friend so he could go a good twenty years before anyone bothered him about producing heirs like "oh the poor man lost his great love let us leave him alone to mourn in his sad bachelor state." Like yeah nah he's been living with his boarding school blow buddy for 30 years. Or gay men who would marry widows quite a bit older than them, adopt her children and spare themselves the act of reproduction. Then be described as being inseparable from their valet who apparently saved their life in the Crimean war or some shit. (They're gay.) In a lot of times and places in history, it was the rejection of the bourgeois respectability and the social responsibility to marry and reproduce that was unacceptable rather than just same-sex love. Or to have children and a household was a very powerful shield against social exclusion or legal punishment.

So yeah, the prickly question of Arthur's sexuality and how it effected family life occupies my brain a lot and not just my shitposts about Matt sleeping in the barn because his parents are railing lmao. How it makes his children, especially Alfred but all of them, social currency. How creating this illusion of a family life forms them and keeps them safe as almost-human creatures with almost human rules in a human world with human rules.

[wombywoo]

Not me instantly thinking of a panicked Vincent holding Quinn’s limp body in his arms as he desperately tries to heal his wounds 🥲 V’s not ready to lose this bright spot in his life just yet.

(If not heal him, at least help enough to staunch the bleeding etc. etc. semantics and fake vampiric medical insight, you understand )

this is in my brain now. I crave the angst. I yearn for it. Your characters are beautiful. Thank you for sharing this fun lore and letting us explore this world with you.

you get ittttt!! what's the point of creating ocs if not to project angst onto them??! every night I lie in bed picturing them suffering to fall asleep 🥰🙏bless

but yeah, I've envisioned versions of this exact scenario many a time 🤌 (extra funny when you add in the saliva thing, because then it's just Quinn bleeding out and Vincent frantically spitting on him 🤣🤣)

[221bluescarf]

I thought I was so stupid and consistently felt the need to hide my stupidity. My brain feels so broken so often. After looking into cognitive symptoms more, I feel like I have a reason for why I can't organize or remember what I'm doing or why I can't shower and wash my hair at the same time because I get too confused and can't handle it. I feel so incapable of navigating life. That plus negative symptoms of not *wanting* to do these things in the first place.

But what if I've just found a convenient excuse? What if I'm really just immature and looking for a reason to underachieve and cognitive decline sounds like a pretty good excuse?

What if don't have schizospec issues at all and it's just anxiety and arrested development/failure to launch and my mind playing tricks on me and I've blown everything out of proportion and I've fooled everybody including myself because I'm faking all this

How can I have a hallucination *while* I'm questioning whether I'm faking and *still* be afraid I'm faking? Like I've created it myself. Or maybe I do believe I'm sick but just afraid everyone *else* thinks I'm faking?

I know schizophrenia advocates who struggle to function and live at home or have their parents handle their finances and stuff. My dad handles pretty much everything about my care but what if I don't really need the help and I just like other people taking care of my responsibilities?

I want to talk to my therapist about it but I'm afraid she'll tell me that it's not possible for this to be my issue and I just need to accept that adult follow instructions and solve their own problems without mom and dad's intervention.