#that changing their relationship in any direction would have improved it

[narcissusneverknewme]

(unpopular opinion, I know, but) swords and knives made it a much better movie than sex would have. I get it if you disagree but it was pitch-perfect to me

[ozzgin]

The Mean Girl Bully Reader x Nerd Loser Yandere story sparked another red flag reader idea I had 😈

Imagine a Bratty Female Reader x Well Mannered Wealthy Male Yandere. Unlike our favorite monster whore gal, and two-faced bully, this new reader insert is super vocal about her distaste in just about everything. Hardly anything is up to her “standards.” She not only complains, but whines too! 🥳

Then her poor beau weirdly loves her despite her horrid personality. I don’t know how, I’ll leave that part of imagining up to you, but there’s my request 🥺

I just like morally grey or blatant antagonistic readers. A lot of times, it’s more fun if the reader is attractive this way to a yandere, than having stereotypical good traits, like being compassionate or respectful 😔

So please, a Bratty Female Reader x Well Mannered Wealthy Male Yandere?

-👘

I was wondering if I should just incorporate this into the Yandere CEO draft I have, but I had this sudden idea for a downright shameless relationship between a beloved, well-respected politician and a perverted, needy brat of a Darling. (I don't like politicians but alas, I needed a high-stakes public profession for this)

Yandere! Politician x Bratty! Reader

Mr. Politician is a true rarity in his field of work: well-mannered, articulate, and most importantly, genuine in his dedication. He works tirelessly for change and improvement, earning the adoration of the people. There's only one exception to his loyalty: no country ever comes before his Darling. And what a demanding Darling you are...

Content: female reader, older yandere, NSFW, some exhibitionism

Many would describe their interactions with Mr. Politician as follows: he's disciplined, confident and resourceful. A natural born leader, you can tell within seconds of meeting him that he is a man to rely on. He's spent many years in the game, and nothing can shake him out of his signature calmness. He keeps everything in pristine order, and nothing escapes his scrutiny.

There is, however, one quirk only few select people know about. A detail no one dares to discuss. It is common knowledge that Mr. Politician has a partner, yet the particularities of it are kept private. His beloved is a much younger girl, rotten to the core. It is unclear how this pairing came to be; the day Mr. Politician won his place in his prestigious office, he showed up with the mysterious feminine figure at his side.

What's certain and obvious to all witnesses is that his vocabulary quickly discards any meaning of refusal whenever he's dealing with you. It almost feels like the man worships you. He's never alluded to being religious, most likely because that role's been taken already. His eyes soften whenever directed at you, gleaming with raw adoration.

Splurging on expensive things is a given. Money has never been an issue for someone of his status. In fact, it's a handy and convenient tool he frequently uses to dampen the damage of your tantrums.

"Disgusting", you spit between your teeth, pushing the plate away and crossing your arms. The renowned chef of the Michelin star restaurant can only stare in horror before Mr. Politician intervenes with a chuckle. "Not feeling it today, huh?", he coos at you with loving strokes. "May I ask that you bring everything else from the menu?" he says in a sterner voice to the employee. "E-everything, Sir?" the waitstaff questions. "Well, naturally. I can't let my Darling starve."

"I'm bored. Let's leave now", you mention bluntly, standing in front of the heavily ornate table with a huff. "Are you sure, Darling? It's an important meeting for the country", Mr. Politician tries to plead. Around him, the other men sit baffled, observing the outrageous exchange. "Now!" you conclude louder. Before anyone can protest, your boyfriend stands up obediently and reaches out for your hand. "Then allow me to guide you, love."

A paradox. His earnest work is put to a halt if you require anything from him. Somehow, he has until now managed to juggle the two with little effort, and to his credit, there have been many instances requiring nerves of steel. Such as you paying him an unannounced visit to the office, and disliking the fact he was unavailable due to a meeting. So, you marched over to the window and promptly flashed your chest against the glass. Everyone else was focused on the opposing whiteboard; he was the only one who immediately noticed your arrival. "As you can see, the expected result is irresistible", he continued with a professional smile, tapping the graph with a marker.

Everyone knows Mr. Politician is fervently devoted to his principles. Take his last public speech, for example. Knuckles white from gripping the podium, he'd nearly choked during an eloquent -but passionate - conclusion. His face was red, his jaw tightened. He needed a moment to recollect himself, and the public waited with bated breaths, visibly emotional. Of course, they couldn't tell the outrageous truth: that you were shamelessly kneeling at his feet, pumping and teasing his erection until, at last, he let go all over your face.

"I wanted to see if you'd stumble on your words", you explain afterwards, wiping the sticky liquid off with a damp cloth. "That would've been unpleasant", he responds with a shiver. "It was live on national television."

He does not seem too bothered by the potential risk of being caught. Truly, his nonchalance knows no bounds when it comes to you. Or perhaps it is part of the charm. There's something quite depraved yet tempting about this perpetual contrast.

To return your daring favor, he gently places you onto his desk and spreads your legs, leaving trails of kisses along the inner surface of your thigh. A quick glance down confirms his suspicions: your bare bottom lays on top of confidential, rather important documents he dutifully signed hours ago. How thrilling of a feeling! He already smiles in anticipation, picturing himself as he hands over the folder to the oblivious party. He's not breaking any rules, now, is he? Nowhere in the book of etiquette does it state you mustn't fuck your beloved on top of official papers.

You gaze at the disheveled face underneath you. "One day I'll get you in trouble", you blurt out between whines. "Me? Oh, Darling. You know I always have everything under control." He lifts himself up and gives you a quick, desperate kiss. "Including you."

[inaconstantstateofchange]

Who Builds Theseus' Ship?

This ties in to a greater discussion about Larian's changes to the game post-Full Release, and whether you consider those changes to be a good thing or a bad thing. Personally speaking, the quality-of-life and gameplay mechanics improvements were appreciated, while the direct changes to characters and especially characterization were not so much.

In such discussions, I often see people downplaying the actual changes to characterization that have been made thus far as "minor" things, but I often see one of the most glaring examples of a characterization change left out, because so many people aren't even aware of it ever happening:

Halsin.

For those who don't know, if you were romancing Halsin at the time of the original full release, and for almost four months afterward, if you took him with you to Act 3's orgy scene in Sharess's Caress, he would open up about a situation in his distant past. He would tell you about how he had briefly been "something between guest, prisoner, and consort" in a drow House, and been kept there for three years before escaping.

He stated that this was something that happened "a long time ago", when he was "a foolhardy young druid", which would mean it would likely have been between ages 100 and 245 — or at minimum 105 years ago, and at (likely) maximum 250 years ago. He closed the discussion with a line that really struck me, and that gave me such an appreciation for his character, and for the writers who had created it:

The passage of time has a strange way of polishing even the most arduous of memories into precious keepsakes.

As someone in their late-20s, with a number of traumatic events in my past, this resonated so much both with my experience of those events – once harrowing and haunting, now just simple happenings that do not affect me the way they once did – and as an inspirational message, that hurt would not necessarily linger forever.

Not only that, I really valued the insight it gave into Halsin's personality, further showing him to be someone who was deeply complex and meditative, always looking for meaning and something to take away or learn from any experience. It also served to showcase the likely reality of the relationship elves and druids both would have to the concepts of time and memory. (Another example of this is the experience of Shadowheart's father compared to her mother at the hands of the Sharrans.)

I started playing the game almost immediately upon its release in August, and was intrigued by Halsin from the start. He was someone who was kind and heartfelt, but also very settled in himself and with a simultaneously rigid and very flexible moral code. It was that complexity that drew me to him, and I appreciated the inclusion of a character distinct from the Origin companions, all at close to the lowest point of their lives.

It was to my surprise to find that this appreciation for his character and perspective on his Act 3 revelation was not unanimous. As it turned out, there was a vocal group of people claiming that this writing was problematic, and that Halsin clearly didn't even realize he was actually traumatized, and that Larian needed to fix it. Not everyone joining in with this crusade had even played the game.

And, ultimately, in a pattern they have continued to follow, Larian responded. They fixed it. At the end of November, as part of Patch 5, they uploaded an edited version of the scene with new dialogue, where the player could express this "reality" to Halsin, in one of the most gallingly patronizing statements I've ever seen.

Sounds traumatic. You may need to reflect on that.

(If someone said this to me after I had opened up to them about my trauma and my experience of it to them, we would not be maintaining a cordial relationship afterward.)

Halsin's new response to these dialogue options is a cringing, self-deprecating cascade of how the player is of course right, and he should have known better, and time could "prove to be a trickster on one's recollections" and that perhaps he had "lost perspective".

Quite frankly, it is a completely different character answering, and an almost directly opposing overall message about the role of time in healing, and the path forward when it comes to trauma. No more "one day these events will not hurt to recall the way they do now". In its stead: "only healing that looks a specific way and follows a specific path is acceptable - anything else and you are simply a poor fool lying to yourself."

The following quote is from a comment left on a video of Halsin's original dialogue in that scene, before the changes, and is just one example of how much that representation meant to more than just me to see:

That said, Halsin is trauma recovery goals for me absolutely. Being able to remember without actually being triggered? Being able to fully and freely engage HOW ID LIKE TO instead of being fettered by trauma responses? Goals. I don’t know if I’ll ever get there 100%, we don’t get elven lifetimes irl, but his level of healing brings me hope.

Ultimately, this post is not meant to argue that you should agree with me that one is better than the other. More so, I want to highlight that this existed — for many people, this was their experience of events and characters, and that is not so easily redacted. And I also want to just state, for the record, that Larian's way of approaching narrative and characterization changes to their full-release game has been incredibly frustrating. I did not agree, in August, to play an Early Access game with the inherent understanding that any potential narrative aspect might change at any time. I purchased a full-release game, and immersed myself in the story and the characters, to get to know them as the writers had originally presented.

And when Larian makes these changes based on fan feedback, they are explicitly making decisions about which fans matter, and specifically, which fans matter most. Rather than allowing everyone to experience the story they decided to tell, and draw from it what they take away, and let that spark discussion and engagement, they made the decision to defer to some fans over others, and prioritize their experience of the narrative — something that, no matter how well-intended, is always going to leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

[lovewitchtarot]

general tarot reading

this is a very random reading there's no rhyme or reason to it its just what came up for me when I pulled cards for all the piles some of it is love and relationships and some of it is work and school

Disclaimer: This is a collective reading; take what resonates, leave what doesn't. Never use tarot readings for medical or legal advice, and for the sake of legality, don't act on anything that could potentially hurt you or others because of a tarot reading. Don't take this reading or any others too seriously. Remember, this is for the collective, not just one person.

Pile one

Don't be afraid to embrace who you are; do what makes you happy without fear of what other people may think or say. Engage in hobbies and things that really make you happy. Now would be a good time to explore your shadow self as well, do shadow work, and dig deep into who you are as a person. Self-acceptance is really important for you. Now would be a good time to channel your creativity into a new hobby or project. Try new things with the thought of progress and self-exploration instead of fear of failure. Try to be more fact-based, although it can be hard to get out of your head. Remember to think logically and take other people's thoughts and feelings into perspective before you act or make a decision. Don't think so quickly; take time to understand before you do things. Be kind to yourself; don't let life knock you down. Even when times get tough, remember to be kind to your heart and your soul. Nourish yourself with self-care and self-love. If you are having a hard time in love, remember the saying “don't chase butterflies; instead, build a beautiful garden and wait for the butterflies to come to you. If the butterflies don't come, then you still have a beautiful garden.” Self-love and self-improvement are so important. Even if you aren't going through anything tough, remember to love yourself and treat yourself with kindness. It is time to take a journey that could be school- or work-based, but you are ready for a big change—a positive one. Be prepared to receive a spiritual gift. This gift is going to be vast and incredible. You are going to gain great success and wisdom, or you may already have it, but with this success and wisdom, you are going to become a great leader. You are about to come into a very memorable and incredible time in your life. I'm seeing a new school, maybe college, or a new job. This is the time of your life to make memories and just “go for it." . I'm hearing “you only live once” to describe this energy. You also need to accept the past; you need to learn to trust again; and you need to let go of this stagnant energy. Also, remember that it's okay to make mistakes; it's how we learn, so don't hold onto your past mistakes. Don't forget to balance your professional life and your personal life; keep them separate and balanced. Don't forget to use your intuition. Don't be afraid to live your truth as yourself and wear it with pride. I see a counterpart coming into your life; this could be a friend or a spouse. This person could already be in your life, but this is a divine counterpart. You two are harmonious together, and you have or will have a beautiful relationship, whether it is platonic or romantic. 

Pile two

You are a very talented person. You may not have found your talent, but once you do, you can expect to be able to make a career from it. The career you end up pursuing will be very fun for you, and you'll love work. If you are currently working and you don't feel this way, then don't expect this to be your permanent job. There is about to be a choice or decision that sets a lot of change into motion. This is a positive change that you will greatly benefit from. Again,  this could be a new job throughout this change. Be flexible and go with what life brings, as it's inevitable to fight. Don't be afraid to direct it, though you still have control in many aspects. I see you standing up, maybe for your beliefs or rights. I see you fighting for what's right. I see you stepping into your spirituality; you are a naturally spiritual persona, and I see you learning to channel it into your practices. You may just be starting out on your spiritual journey, or you may have been on it for a while, and you're just now getting ready to level up. Remember to balance spirituality with your everyday life. Stay grounded and don't live in your third-eye energy so much. Remember to stay spiritually protected and cleansed; physically cleansing your space is a great way to invite positive energy in and expel negative energy from your life. If you're going through a slump, try to clean your space both physically and spiritually. Also, indulge in self-care, replenish your soul, and see how things positively change around you. It's time to step into your healing energy and take time to heal from the inside out. Eat more warm foods, as comfort is really being prioritized right now, but don't only feed your body; also feed your soul. Someone is currently thinking of you as a friend, but I see more of a love interest, and I see that this particular relationship is about to level up significantly. Don't neglect your friendships with your partner. Remember that all of your relationships, romantic and platonic, are equally important, so make time for friends and family as well. Be on the lookout for manifestations, as they are about to appear in front of you. This could be a manifestation that has been long in progress, so be prepared for that. There are going to be temptations in your path, but stay focused and patient, as the right outcome for you will soon appear and you will be triumphant. You are really stepping into your spirituality, and it is going to do great things for you. I'm seeing a romantic partner coming, though. Try to pamper yourself, even if you find it hard; it is extremely important. 

pile three

You are going to be traveling soon and setting out on new adventures. You are going to have a completely fresh start as well. This could mean that you are moving or just going on a trip. I see you studying abroad as well. Cycles are going to come to an end. This could also mean graduating either from school or a work position (moving up in the company or to an entirely new job). You will be making a new romantic connection or strengthening an old one. This person is very romantic and sensual. This relationship is going to be or is absolutely wonderful and fulfilling. However, don't overly push things; they will happen when the time comes, and make sure each person is putting in equal amounts of effort and contributing their share. Overcome any fears you may have, as they are holding you back from your full potential. Trust your intuition when it comes to finding out the truth about situations and other people. Don't be afraid to dig deep into things to learn the full truth about them. Keep up your spirits if things go wrong. Don't turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms; ground yourself and try yoga or meditation. You are soon to be recognized for your hard work; this could also include receiving a reward. Remain faithful and loyal to your friends and other relationships, as it is very important. If you need support and encouragement, don't be afraid to seek it out, but also don't be scared to give it in return, as it is the best gift to give someone. Make sure to stay protected both spiritually and physically, but mainly physically. If you end up traveling, be sure to be safe on your adventures. Now would be a good time to dive into your creative side and try different types of art, as I can see you really benefiting from it. Mass abundance is coming your way. This could be physical things or it could be more sentimental things, such as friends or memories. Don't be scared to speak up for what's right. I can see you stepping into a motherly energy that can apply to anyone, whether you want kids or not. You can be motherly to your plants or animals, even just your friends and family.

[icyg4l]

PAC: How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Mother Figure

Hello beautiful people. Today is Mother’s Day and I want to wish all of the mothers out there a Happy Mother’s Day. Whether your mother is alive, dead or far away, I want to dedicate this reading to those who wish to have better relationships with their mothers. You don’t have to have a strained relationship with your mother to relate to this topic. You could simply just want to keep the bond that you have already. And lastly, I want to dedicate this Mother’s Day to the mothers in Haiti, Congo, Palestine, Sudan, Tigray and unfortunately many more. If you have any crowdfunding links that need to be boosted/donated to regarding mothers/families in these countries, please do not hesitate to direct me to them. Without further ado, please select the photo that resonates with you.

Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (Pile 1-6)

Pile One: I feel like this pile has a close relationship with their mother overall. You seem to be at peace with where you are with her, but things could get even better. I feel like something that could help you and your mother get along even more is helping her around the house. She likes for the floors to be swept and mopped, towels to be folded, dishes to be washed. Your mother may be a neat freak but it’s nothing that can’t be taken care of. I also feel like buying your mother things that she would use on a daily basis could be something that improves your relationship. For example, if your mother really likes makeup, get her a lip gloss set. If she likes flowers, buy her a vase and some flowers so that she can smell the roses. It’s the thought that counts. And lastly, I feel like making your mom look good is going to improve your relationship. Not only does being a good representation of her name make her look good, but actually adding onto her beauty will strengthen your relationship. If you’re into makeup, do your mom’s makeup. If you’re into hair, do her hair. If she wants a new pair of shoes, get her that pair of shoes. This is only if you’re able to though. Don’t break the bank trying to please your mama. 

If your mother is not here on this Earth, then please go all out with her grave. She wants you to decorate her grave/headstone with flowers. Clean the headstone. Wear her necklaces, bracelets and adornments. She wants you to talk about her highly. She wants you to not forget where you came from. You are wise and positive, so please continue to do what you do. Just because she is gone does not mean anything should change. She wants you to listen to your gut. If you have a little sibling, please don’t let them do anything stupid even though they can be prideful. I feel like she’s very big on morals and discipline so don’t think she isn’t clocking you from the afterlife because she is. Lastly, please speak of yourself highly. You have half of her genes and she does not appreciate it when you disrespect the physical features that you two share. Have some respect for those who have come before you. 

Cards Used: Queen of Cups, Justice, The Star, 6 of Wands, The Magician, Ace of Discs.

extras: joanne the scammer. 2016 era of youtube. mother-daughter days. only child. donuts.

Pile Two: I feel like you all have a tumultuous relationship with your mother. It feels like you’re a rebel and you do not like to follow the rules. You and your mother could never see eye-to-eye once you turned a certain age. Perhaps, it was around age 12? I feel like you and your mother need to consider counseling. It would help a lot to have a mediator with the two of you. This energy is like an episode of Maury or Steve Wilkos. I think that you may be LGBTQ+ as well. Your mother may not completely accept this part of you. Now usually, I am against the whole “They’re from a different time stance” but your mom feels out of reach to you. I am literally seeing two people on opposite sides of a grassy land. One person is reaching for the other but the other person is minding their business. She wants to understand you but her bossiness can get in the way. I say to just be patient with her. I feel like one thing that you can do is invite her to a place that you frequent often for fun just so she can get a taste of what you do everyday. I am channeling this movie called ‘The Aggressives’. One of the mascs’ mother was so convinced that she would end up with a man but that obviously wasn’t the case. By the end, she just ended up accepting her daughter for who she is. You two are definitely on opposite sides of the spectrum. I feel like another thing that you could do is play video games with her, which is weird? This can help build teamwork amongst you two, thus forming a better bond in the end. 

If your mother is deceased, I feel like you should be taking more risks. Stop giving a fuck about the rules and just live your life. There is nothing wrong with changing up your routine. Your mother could have been a rebel or even someone who led a revolution. Your mother wants you to walk away from what you once knew. Deep inside, you are someone who is capable of making great changes just as she did. I feel like your mother just wants you to embrace the inner youth inside of you. You’re too rigid. It’s affecting the way that you live. You have too much couth. It’s okay to play and let loose a little bit. She will still love you just the same as she did when she was alive if you change. Overall, embrace change babe! Dye your hair a different color. Take a spontaneous trip. Go to that concert. Please just do something! Get out of freeze mode!

Cards Used: The Fool, 6 of Swords, The Hermit (RX), 5 of Swords, Queen of Swords, 7 of Discs, Wheel of Fortune, The Hierophant (RX).

extras:  minor headaches. igor (2019). odd future fan. beast. the bear (2022). absent father.

Pile Three: I feel like you have this certain image of your mother in your head. You think that she is perfect but she is not, my dear. There are certain things that she has been through/experienced that she hasn’t even told you about. You do not know her the way you think you do. She has stories for days. She is not an angel. I feel like you need to get to know your mother. She is an interesting character. Ask her about her life story. Ask her about the experiences that have shaped her into the woman that she is today. You need to take her off of the pedestal that you have put her on. Take a step into reality, boo. I think that doing stuff like going out by the water or going fishing will help you guys bond to understand each other better. Yes, she used to change your diapers but if someone walked up to you and asked what your mother figure’s favorite color was, would you be able to answer it? It’s time to change that. I feel like traveling with your mother, whether it’s a road trip or by plane will help as well. I am channeling the movie Tammy (2014) with Melissa McCarthy. I recommend you watch this movie. Don’t underestimate your mother anymore!

If your mother is deceased, I feel like she wants you to know that she looks back on memories between the two of you fondly. I think she may have passed when you were too young to remember or it was before you hit puberty. You should ask the people who knew her best about what she was like, how she felt about motherhood, how she felt about you, etc. She does not regret anything in her lifetime. That says a lot about how she lived her life. If you have access to these, find any diaries, photos, old clothes, etc and put them in a place where no one can find them. If you find some old clothes, wear them and don’t let anyone else do that. Your mother wants you to be on the straight and narrow path though. Even though you may not know her like the back of your hand, she’s been watching you grow into the person that you are today from a place that you cannot see. But she will not judge if you stray away from this path, she understands what it’s like to be young and dumb. Overall, your mother just wants what is best for you.

Cards Used: 6 of Swords, Temperance, 3 of Wands, 7 of Swords (RX), King of Cups.

extras: beaver. morehouse college. air out your grievances. gummy bear song. sepia filter.

Pile Four: Stop hanging out with your significant other so much! You need to learn how to balance between familial obligations and romantic obligations. I feel like this is really the only thing that is getting in between you and your mother’s relationship. I feel like this pile listens to Jhene Aiko a lot. I am channeling Never Call Me. I think your mom would show up to your s/o’s house unannounced with a bunch of people behind her if you don’t keep in contact with her regularly. She does not play about you at all. It’s not really an overbearing thing. I think she just doesn’t want you to go down the path that she went down with your father. So speak up or face the consequences, love. I also think that you should hear her out when it comes to certain advice especially if it has something to do with a car. Maybe you let your s/o borrow your car too much or you let your car battery almost die or something? In this case, mother knows best. She’s not a chip on your shoulder. Just listen!

If your mother is deceased, I feel like she may have died around the same time as your father figure. She also could have died at the same time as your father figure. Your father could have been the reason she died. She wants you to be independent. Learn how to change your own tires. Take up some gym classes/self-defense classes. Don’t be willfully clueless. She also wants you to not be anyone’s ride or die. This may be the reason why she passed away. I feel like you’ve heard countless versions of how your mother chose to live her life, it isn’t completely true. Don’t believe the hype. One day, you will come across the full story. Definitely be single until you are ready to marry. Your mother could have been rushed to marry. She does not want to see you get taken advantage of like she was. Don’t hesitate to dedicate an altar to her. She wants to talk to you. She may have even popped up in your dreams before. 

Cards Used: 6 of Discs (RX), Ace of Swords, 2 of Wands, The High Priestess, The Devil, Two of Cups, Queen of Wands.

extras: gang culture. setup. grooming. pirates. shoddy apartment. purple bandana.

Pile Five: Have you ever considered getting plastic surgery so that you would look different from your mother? I am specifically getting an eyelift, nose job, butt implants, etc. I am channeling the energy of Blac Chyna and Tokyo Toni. I think that you and your mom have a toxic relationship. One day you’re good. The next day you’re fighting to be heard by her. You two could have physically fought before. What I am hearing is “Everyone has a story”. I feel like your guides want you to take into consideration her backstory. Get a little psychological here. Why does she act the way that she acts? Was she abandoned as a child? How does this play into how she treats you now? I am seeing a therapist writing in their notebook as we speak. I feel like she operates out of a lack mindset and you have outgrown that. I think that there was some type of falling out between her and your father figure. Maybe she was the side chick? Maybe she was taken advantage of at a young age? Maybe it was both. Honestly, this pile is very different from the others. You are being asked to pour into yourself. You need to put your foot down and let her know that you will be choosing the higher road. She will respect you more if you do that. I also think that you just simply need to start taking more time for yourself. You do not exist to be your mother’s punching bag. You are a human being. This pile is very different. You need to protect your peace babe.

If your mother is deceased, I feel like you guys could have argued before she died. I think that she was warning you about a particular behavior. Maybe she was telling you not to follow in your father’s footsteps and you chose not to listen. Maybe you snuck off somewhere you weren’t supposed to? Your mother did not want to control you. She just had some feelings about the choices you were making. But you make the bed that you lay in so there’s nothing that she could have done about it. I feel like you need to forgive yourself. Free yourself of the burden of your mother’s death. You cannot control fate. You need to learn how to accept certain circumstances for what they are. You can change the present moment and make things right today! It’s all about what you choose to do. No matter what though, your mother still has love for you. She forgave you a long time ago, almost as soon as she transitioned. It’s time for you to make peace with yourself, love. Take control of your future and accountability for your actions (or lack thereof). 

Cards Used: The Emperor, 9 of Cups, Prince of Discs, The Moon, 5 of Wands, Ace of Cups, 7 of Swords, Judgment, The High Priestess. 

extras:  living vicariously. narcissist. getting high. sobbing uncontrollably. asthma attack. ambush.

Pile Six: You are not a child anymore, Pile Six. Your mother is willing to talk to you about uncomfortable topics now. You’re an adult. Treat yourself as such. I think that drinking wine with your mother and having a conversation will help you guys get along better. Day drinking, wine tasting, etc will help you guys bond in a more mature way. I feel like you and your mom could be friends if you were not mother and child. You have to see the world through an adult’s eyes now. I feel like gossiping with your mom can be beneficial for your relationship, especially if it’s about old family tea. You can be in the know now, lol. I also think that paying for dinner/lunch could be a great way to prove your maturity. Honestly, your mom just wants you to grow up. You’re there but not quite. Be the butterfly that you’re meant to be. Lowkey, you might want to start saving to move out. She’s not going to kick you out or anything but you’re going to start feeling differently about the environment that you’re in. 

If your mother is deceased, please keep her updated on the latest family/friend drama lol. I feel like your mother may have had a boyfriend before she passed. I don’t know if he moved on or not but she approves of the lady he’s with now. Your mother could have had problems with conceiving/conceived at a young age. This plays into why she treated you like gold. You guys could have acted more like siblings rather than mother and child. It’s also possible that your mother could have passed at a young age (you could actually be older than your mother right now). Whatever the case may be, I feel like she wants you to finish the path that she was set to be on. Continue to honor her legacy. She could have been on the way to pursuing a degree, you should do the same but actually complete the journey. I am channeling the energy of Whitney Houston. Your mother is very animated to be honest. She wants you to embrace that energy/side of yourself. It’s in you, lol. And lastly, don’t try to hide being your mother’s child. You don’t have to be exactly like her but you are her partially. You are your own person but you just so happen to take after her mannerisms, looks, etc lol. There is nothing wrong with that. Don’t fight it. 

Cards Used: Queen of Discs, The Sun, 6 of Cups (RX), Princess of Discs (RX), 3 of Cups, The Lovers.

extras:  esperanza/hope. j. cole. popeye spinach. t-boz. slow jamz. 2004-2005. senior in college.

[mizading]

Breaking Up With JJK Men

Characters: Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Kento Nanami. 

Warnings: Unhealthy relationships, obsessiveness, mentions of death, begging, threatening, stalking, paranoia, etc. 

Synopsis: How these JJK men react to you attempting to leave.

Satoru Gojo:

The type to beg

Gojo would immediately break down. He can’t bear you leaving; he’s lost too much already.

Something about Geto walking out of his life prior makes Gojo unhealthily attached and dependent on you. You’re Gojo’s safe place; he can’t lose you, no matter what.

Before you can say another word, he’s on his knees at your feet, holding onto your legs as tight as he possibly can. Gojo will refuse to let go unless you agree to stay with him.

He’s a crying mess, tears soaking your legs, hair disheveled as he sobs uncontrollably. As much as Gojo wants to control his emotions, he simply can’t.

If you still don’t give in, He’ll cup your face, forcing you to look in his direction to “see what you did to him”. Gojo tries to win you back the only way he knows how, by begging and making you feel absolutely awful for what you caused.

Before you know it, he’s wrapping his large frame around you, keeping you trapped in his tight embrace. If Gojo has to keep you with him using force, then he’ll go there in a heartbeat. 

He apologizes for his excessive touch, but he needed to feel you in some way to help soothe himself. Gojo was practically having a panic attack before your eyes.

As Gojo locks you in his embrace, he can’t help but express how much he needs you. Gojo doesn’t know how he’ll manage without you; is there any point to life with you gone? Regardless of what you think, Gojo truly needs you.

Your heart breaks seeing him in this state—body shaking, eyes dull, and choking on his own sobs. Did you really have the heart to leave him? Seeing the strongest man alive behave in such a way over you leaving affected you mentally.

If you decide to stay, it’ll take a long time to improve his state. He needs to be 100% sure that you won't change your mind or leave when he’s off guard. Gojo becomes annoyingly attached to you physically; he cannot keep his hands to himself.

Gojo will slowly but surely get better. He’s still quite clingy weeks after the event, but he seems to be in the right headspace for the most part.

In the end, he’s just relieved to have his baby with him.

Suguru Geto:

The type to threaten

Geto’s first instinct is to laugh. He’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that you’re only joking with him. When he finds out that you’re being serious, his entire demeanor changes.

Everything quickly turns bitter. Are you really going to leave after everything that he’s done for you? Geto finds it comical.

One thing that Geto will make clear is that you won't be leaving. He can’t seem to accept it, so it won’t happen.

The way that his dark, haunting eyes bore into your soul makes you immediately rethink your decision. How could such a warm and comforting face turn so dull and haunting?

Geto will blankly stare into your eyes silently, allowing you to change your mind before things get worse.

You’ll suddenly be pulled into his lap, harsh enough for you to notice his slight hostility but soft enough for you to not say anything.

“You don’t want to find out what I'll do to myself if you leave, right?” His words made you nauseous almost instantly. Geto spoke in a soft, comforting voice, but his words were sick.

He would caress your hair, occasionally pressing soft kisses to your temple, allowing his words to sink into your pretty little head. “I’m sure that you wouldn’t want to be the one to blame if I went through with anything precious”.

It was all sick; he was doing it on purpose. You knew that Geto struggled with his purpose of living, but you never knew that he would go to this level.

You couldn’t fathom the thought of not having Geto in this world; you still loved him even if you wanted to separate from him. You agreed to stay for the sake of keeping Geto alive.

Geto reverts back to his usual gentle self almost immediately when you tell him that you’ll stay. It was scary how rapidly he could change. Geto knew this, and he used it to his advantage.

Even if you planned to go through with leaving, he wouldn’t have let you. You’re his main purpose for living; Geto can’t lose that.

Kento Nanami:

The type to stalk

Nanami would spend a bit of time asking you to reconsider, but if you want to leave, he’ll let you go.

A few tears will be shed, but not much. Nanami doesn’t waste too much time begging because he knows that you’ll ultimately end up doing what you want.

Before you leave, Nanami will ask you for at least a hug and a kiss. As heartless as Nanami seems, he loves you to bits and pieces.

Nanami didn’t plan on stalking you; it just happened. He started by simply driving to your house to give him peace of mind, then peeking through your windows late at night.

A few weeks after the breakup, you take notice of an unfaltering feeling that someone is watching you. There wasn’t necessarily anything out of place; you just felt it. You couldn’t tell if it was because you were alone now or if someone was actually watching you.

Once you finally let the feeling go, everything gets worse. It starts with flowers at your doorsteps daily. You couldn't help but shake the feeling that Nanami might have been the one doing it.

It all escalated to feeling followed every time you left the house. You couldn’t help but notice someone's presence every now and then when you were about your day. You started to leave the house less and less because of it.

Nanami feels guilty for following you around, but he can't help it. Nanami can't bear the thought of something happening to you when he’s not there to protect you. His only resort is to secretly keep an eye on you as much as he can.

Everything was unbearable. Ever since the breakup, you have felt terribly paranoid and scared. You sit up at night sometimes thinking about how safe you would be if you had only stayed with Nanami.

You attempt to continue on with your life, but none of it ends. Your paranoia was consuming you whole. Thoughts of just running back to Nanami were becoming excruciatingly loud. Who else would protect you?

You tried desperately to continue on without him, but the truth is that you couldn’t. Not before long, you found yourself at his door once again. Regardless of whether he was stalking you or not, you just wanted it all to end.

Nanami would happily welcome you back with open arms. His desperation for you led to him doing things that he never thought he would do.

Nanami puts your mind at ease when you explain what you went through after leaving. He made sure to make you feel like he could protect you from absolutely everything in this world, which is why you came back.

Nanami can’t help but have some type of guilt in the back of his mind because of what he did to you. At least he has his baby back in his arms.

[gatheringbones]

[“While my own associations to the word “conservative” are not great ones, this word best describes my attitude toward personal change. Just as we strive for change, we also strive to conserve what is most valuable and familiar in our selves. And in a society where we are constantly being pressured to improve, actualize, and perfect our selves, it is probably wise to question why we should change at all and who is prescribing the changes. Often we wish to get rid of some part of our selves—as we would an inflamed appendix—without recognizing the positive aspects of a particular “negative” trait or behavior. Few things are “all good” or “all bad.”

I recall a meeting of my women’s group many years back when we had a little too much to drink and went around the circle sharing what we liked the very best and the very least about each other. Interestingly, what was labeled “the best” and “the worst” for each person turned out to be one and the same, or more accurately, different variations on the same theme. If least liked was one woman’s tendency to hog the group spotlight, what was most liked was her energetic and entertaining personality. If least liked was another woman’s failure to be straightforward, direct, and spontaneous, what was most liked was her kindness, tact, and respect for the feelings of others. If another’s sense of entitlement and “Me first!” attitude pushed the group’s buttons, it was her ability to identify her own goals and “go for it” that was most admired. And so it went.

That evening I began to have a renewed appreciation for the inseparable nature of our strengths and weaknesses. Far from being opposites, they are woven from the same strands. This experience also reinforced a direction I was moving in professionally. Early on in my career as a therapist, I deemed it my job to help my patients rid themselves of certain qualities—stubbornness, silence, demandingness, oppositionalism, or any other trait or behavior that seemed to make their life (or my work) especially difficult. Or perhaps I wanted them to be closer to their fathers, more independent from their mothers, or more (or less) ambitious, self-seeking, self-disclosing, or assertive. I discovered, however, that I could be far more helpful when I was able to identify and appreciate the positive aspects of what was seemingly most negative. Paradoxically, this appreciation was what left my clients freer to get on with the business of change.”]

harriet lerner, from the dance of intimacy: a woman’s guide to courageous acts of change in key relationships

[monratarot]

How it will be the month of March 2024 for you?

Pick a card reading

Hello everyone! March is here so I guess that everyone is curios how this month will be for them. This is a simple and a short monthly guidance reading. Pick the pile that you are most drawn to and scroll down to read your monthly guidance reading for March.

Takes what resonate with you because remember that this is just a general reading and it might not apply for everyone.

Don't forget to like/reblog/comment and follow me! I would really appreciate it because it will help my blog grow!

So let's get started! Enjoy!

Moni🧚🏻‍♀️

Pile 1 ⋆☽🔮☾⋆ Pile 2 ⋆☽🔮☾⋆ Pile 3

｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ ｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ ｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:

Pile 1

✨ possible travel for work or business purposes

✨putting in the hard work and effort to achieve your goals

✨ seeking new opportunities for growth and success

✨ avoiding risky financial decisions and focusing on saving money

✨ trusting your instincts and intuition to guide you in the right direction

✨ being open to new beginnings and taking control of your path

✨ being mindful of your health and well-being

✨ ending a relationship or situation that no longer serves you

✨ feeling content with what you have accomplished

✨ embracing change and new experiences

✨ being dedicated and focused on reaching your goals

✨ being open to new projects and opportunities

✨ being prepared for a major departure or transition in your life.

Monthly affirmation - I face the adventure of life eagerly

Quote of the month - ,,A single rose can be my garden...a single friend my world"(Leo Buscaglia)

Power of love message - Transformation - You use the power of love to move through illusions and shift into awareness

Crystal of the month - Rose quartz - New or renewed romantic love is here for you

Flower of the month - Yellow rose

•───⋅⋆₊☽⛦☾₊⋆⋅───••───⋅⋆₊☽⛦☾₊⋆⋅───••───⋅⋆₊☽⛦☾⁺⋆⋅───•

Pile 2

🌼 you may be feeling overwhelmed and indecisive, but trust that clarity will come soon

🌼 stay focused on your goals and trust in your abilities

🌼 communication is key in all aspects of your life right now

🌼 you may need to be open to new opportunities and experiences

🌼 allow yourself to be vulnerable and open to receiving love and support from others

🌼 keep a positive mindset and trust that things will work out in the end

🌼 remember to take care of yourself and prioritize your own well-being

🌼 embrace change and be open to new beginnings

🌼 trust in the process and have confidence in yourself

🌼 remember that success comes from hard work and determination

🌼 seek guidance from those who care about you and trust in their advice

🌼 remain grounded and focused on your path ahead

🌼 allow yourself to be open to new connections and opportunities

🌼 overall, trust in yourself and your abilities to overcome any challenges that may come your way.

Monthly affirmation -I welcome and nurture the new in my life

Quote of the month - ,,A wise man has dignity without pride; a fool has pride without dignity."(Confucius)

Power of love message - Tolerance - You appreciate other points of view because you sense the love in everyone

Crystal of the month - Rhodochrosite- Be gentle with yourself

Flower of the month - Dahlia

•───⋅⋆₊☽⛦☾₊⋆⋅───••───⋅⋆₊☽⛦☾₊⋆⋅───••───⋅⋆₊☽⛦☾⁺⋆⋅───•

Pile 3

☀️ trust in the journey and have faith in yourself; opportunities are on the horizon, and you are capable of achieving great things

☀️ focus on self-care and nurturing your emotional well-being during this time; take time to rest and recharge

☀️ look for the beauty and joy in everyday life; practice gratitude and mindfulness to cultivate a positive mindset

☀️ seek out opportunities for personal growth and self-improvement; be open to learning and expanding your horizons

☀️ relationships with others are important, but don't forget to prioritize your relationship with yourself; self-love and self-care are essential for your overall happiness

☀️ listen to your intuition and inner wisdom; trust yourself to make the right decisions for your life

☀️ remain grounded and centered in the present moment; focus on what truly matters and let go of distractions and negativity

☀️ embrace change and transformation; be open to new possibilities and opportunities for growth

☀️ remember to be patient and compassionate with yourself and others; practice kindness and understanding in all your interactions

☀️ keep a positive mindset and believe in your own power to create the life you desire.

Monthly affirmation -I am serene and still.

Quote of the month - ,A high station in life is earned by the gallantry with which appalling experiences are survived with grace(Tennessee Williams)

Power of love message - Commitment - You dedicate yourself to your beliefs wholeheartedly, knowing that love is the essence of your very being

Crystal of the month - Rubellite- Be gentle with yourself

Flower of the month - Sweet William

[barb-l]

Vaggie is my favorite character, so I want to know where all of this hate for her came from. Like…people hate Vaggie yet love Lute, for example….. wtf? How? And I’m not saying people have to like the same things I do, but I’ve seen mfs bash Vaggie for things other characters have done. Again… what? The? Fuck?

Oh hohoho

I'm in a ranting mood, so let me tell you exactly why by paraphrasing some of the hate posts I've seen classlessly left in the chaggie tag before I blocked the OP's for said posts

"Vaggie has nothing going for her character. All she is, is Charlie's girlfriend"

- not even remotely true. She has a lot going on with her character aside from being The Girlfriend. She struggles with deep self-hatred, something that doesn't necessarily revolve around Charlie, although it does affect her relationship with her(codependency). It's a huge character flaw, though not necessarily bad character writing. It's something she needs to grow from, and something we can still see unfold in the coming seasons. Although she's helping with the hotel to be a supportive girlfriend, it is also something Vaggie believes to be the right thing to do regardless of Charlie. As Rosie inferred, Vaggie saw helping with the hotel as a way to atone for her sins and to do better. Even if the person running the Hotel weren't Charlie or anyone she fell for, I believe it's something she still would have helped with given her backstory. She has connections with other characters too that can be explored more in the future. Aside from just being "Charlie's girlfriend", she is Carmilla's possible additional daughter figure, she is Alastor's biggest obstacle in gaining whatever tf from Charlie, she is Lute's rival, and finally she is Lucifer's blatant parallel.

"Being a fallen angel is the only thing carrying her character. And we barely got any build up on that."

- let's say that's true. IF that's the case, why isn't anyone spitting hate on characters like Husk whose only "thing" is being a past overlord? Even though this had less foreshadowing than Vaggie's angel secret? Even though his only purpose in the story so far is to be Angel's love interest? He may be an alcoholic, but it's barely touched upon what terrible effects that may have for him. And although having his soul owned by Alastor sucks, does he actually suffer aside from that one time Alastor threatened his life? All Alastor is making him do is man the bar(so far). He has nothing to develop from with his character either. In fact, aside from the swearing and the grumpiness, he's a pretty swell guy who doesn't seem to fit in hell. He doesnt have a flaw that the story can aim to have him improve from. All he has going for him is his romance arc with Angel, and his past as an Overlord. Which, i repeat, isn't a bad thing! But how come Vaggie would get so much hate for similar criticisms, while Husk is widely loved by majority of the fandom?

"She doesn't have any chemistry with Charlie"

- something told by someone who ships:

Ch*rl*stor - two people who have only had direct interactions in the pilot(a quick dance number), episode 5(Alastor taking advantage of Charlie's daddy issues to curry favor with her and hit Lucifer's ego), and ep 7 (Alastor taking advantage of Charlie's dejection to make a deal with Charlie). A ship involving the kindest soul in Hell and a serial killer who has no desire to change and ridicules the dream Charlie holds so dear and is so passionate about. It isn't a bad thing to crack ship. Hell I do it too, but it's such a hypocritical thing to say that a canon ship has no chemistry only to claim that two people who have barely any meaningful conversations and positive interactions objectively look more like a couple and would be a better choice to be canon. Just because you like how they look in your imagination doesn't mean canon is objectively bad.

Ch*rlie/Emily - two characters who share so much similarities they can be sisters. It is such a personal thing. I have nothing against those who ship them. It just isn't for me because of the amount of similarities they have. With the intentional parallels, I personally think Emily would be better off having a gf that resembles Vaggie. Where Chaggie has a sunshine demon X grumpy angel duo, Emily could visit hell and fall for a demon who would be her opposite.

Ch*rlie/Lucifer - it's. Incest. Cmon.

"She doesn't care about the denizens of Hell"

- Vaggie's in Hell in the first place because she spared a demon's life. She cares TOO MUCH!

"Vaggie lied to Charlie. Even Adam was more honest with her!"

- I dont even... It should be common sense why Vaggie, who had just been betrayed by ANGELS, would not trust a demon princess with her true identity. Charlie and Rosie already talked about this. Or did they have their eyes and ears closed throughout episode 7?

"She ruined Lucifer's song by reprising it. Why would she do that when it's supposed to be Charlie and Lucifer's thing?? Why would she go and use a song about familial love and change the meaning to romance??"

- musicals that reprise songs to change its initial vibe has always been a thing, first of all. Vaggie reprised Lucifer's song specifically because they have been parallels of each other for the whole show. In fact, Lucifer indirectly echoes back Vaggie's reprise, with his lyrics in The Finale mirroring Vaggie's lyrics. It's not about Vaggie "stealing Lucifer's thing", it's about these two angels who both love Charlie reminding her of that love and how much they believe in her, despite being withheld of Heaven's love and losing faith in it in the process. It's about these two forms of love withstanding Heaven's abandonment and being there for someone who wants to face Heaven head on.

This is probably one of the most ridiculous anti-Vaggie criticism I've read. It's so weird to see such an earnest act of love as something audacious. If anything, Lucifer's the one with the audacity. I love him a LOT, but he did not deserve to be forgiven just because he had a beautiful song number with his daughter. It doesn't change the fact that he neglected Charlie for ages. If anyone deserved to sing More Than Anything, it was Vaggie because she has truly shown her commitment to Charlie. But, yunno. Baby steps.

Honestly for a lot of the characters in this show, all it seems to take for the fandom to like them is to have a song number that they like. People find Vaggie's songs boring. So they find her boring. Not a lot is known or shown of characters like Vox, Velvette, Alastor, and Husk, but apparently they're better developed. Just because they have sick song numbers doesn't mean they're better developed...

[seafoamreadings]

week of july 14th, 2024

these are written predominantly for the *rising* signs but they are also intuitively "channeled" enough that they should work for any dominant energy you have! (try your sun if you don't know rising, or more advanced readers can try moon, anywhere you have a stellium, etc and see what works best for you!)

aries: a much anticipated mars-uranus conjunction occurs with algol in your 2nd house this week. yes, it's scary vibes. so the warnings: beware head injuries, concussions, etc. your money may be at risk, or you may find yourself sacrificing some important values. on the bright side the energies can be strangely empowering from you. don't go starting trouble, but don't shy away from a fight (metaphorically. do very much avoid physical violence under this transit.) justice is on your side.

taurus: for you as for many, the mars-uranus conjunction is the major focal point of the week. in this scenario, do you see yourself as medusa or as perseus? algol is, probably quite unjustly, considered the "demon" star. it is the eye of medusa, gleaming furiously from her severed head. you may be victorious, you may be filled with righteous anger. it is important to behave in a way that keeps you safe, but otherwise, act accordingly.

gemini: while others tremble in fear waiting for the mars-uranus conjunction to come and pass, that transit occurs mainly behind the scenes for you, in the back of your mind or in dreams. however, do be very careful in/about isolated places like hospitals, prisons, etc. much more likely noticeable to you is the subsequent ingress of mars into your sign. it will likely be refreshing, invigorating, and energized from that conjunction.

cancerians: on the one hand, it may be best to stay out of even lovely social circles this week, in favor of keeping more or less to yourself. on the other hand, another capricorn full moon lights up your relationships later in the week. although relationship develop under such circumstances, this can certainly be done from afar as you enjoy your solitude in some warm, cozy lair.

leo: we are now on the cusp of most solar leo season. celebration is good - but probably better in private at this time. a soft launch, so to speak. the focus should be on the private life, not the public life, which can be completely unmanageable and unpredictable this week.

virgo: if you need to make a major life change, mars and uranus conjoining in your 9th house can give you the gumption you need to get it taken care of. with that said i would advise strongly against any travel at this time, especially if it is of a long distance variety, and i would be mindful that long distance relationships can be at a tipping point with this aspect - most likely not tipping in a direction you'll enjoy (sorry).

libra: some esoteric weirdness or even some form of grief may take up a big chunk of your week but otherwise all the auspices are quite good for librans now. if there is trouble at home, find a quiet place to stabilize. if there is trouble out in the world, let your home instead be your sanctuary. keep a reliable, steady home base, is the point, and the other chaos of the moment will pass easier.

scorpio: committed partnerships likely get put through the ringer this week. not just your significant other if you have one but a business partner, a best friend, etc. those things you really have some loyalty too. but if they stand this test, they are good as gold, solid and worth keeping.

sagittarius: you're not known for being a stickler for schedules anyway, but pre-existing routines and rituals are likely to get shaken up over this week. on the bright side, money situations may see improvements and mars finally moving into gemini is at minimum a relief, and more likely a nice little flirtation that might become more.

capricorn: so maybe it's not the most romantic period of your life or maybe your creative endeavors flop or even backfire. whatever, let it just be fun, don't hang your hat on it. on the bright side a full moon in your sign puts a nice glow on you and illuminates your best qualities, for yourself and for others to see.

aquarius: you are one of the signs that will most need to brace for this mars-uranus transit. don't fall prey to the bad press but at the same time, take it seriously. use it to empower yourself, not to wallow in a victim mentality, even if you are truly victimized (which i hope you are not!) it is not a week for major risks or anything too "out there."

pisces: you may find yourself quicker than usual to fly off the handle. avoid arguments and disagreements this week and resist any temptation to hide behind an internet persona or other form of anonymity. any writing you do for a little while should remain private, don't even text too much. instead put your focus on self care and building your home. you can get chatty and friendly again later.

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Mansfield Park - Henry Crawford and Fanny Price

I want to lay out how I see these characters and their relationship, because to me they seem to be set up as a deliberate contrast to Pride and Prejudice. At the tine of Henry’s first proposal, they are in a similar place to Elizabeth and Darcy at the time of Darcy’s first proposal, albeit with extremely different personalities than those characters: Fanny refuses him despite his wealth and her economic precarity because she cannot like or even respect him. However, Fanny, who is far shyer than Elizabeth, cannot lay out in direct and specific terms the foundation of her disapprobation of him.

From there, Henry sets out to win her regard in ways that very closely recall some of the events between Elizabeth and Darcy.

1) He does a great favour for a relative of hers. In his case, it is getting his uncle the admiral to have Fanny’s brother William promoted to lieutenant; in Darcy’s, it is saving the Bennets from disgrace by getting Wickham to marry Lydia. Darcy’s favour is far greater, and much more personally unpleasant for him, and he keeps it intentionally secret; he does it out of love of Elizabeth, but not to make her feel obligated. Henry’s takes only a few days of his time, its goal is get to Fanny to like him better, and he leverages it both at first and later to make her feel obliged to him.

2) He changes his manners to suit her. In Darcy’s case this means being polite rather than rude and haughty; in the case of Henry, who has always been charming and gregarious, it involves softening his manners to suit Fanny’s shy and quiet personality and engaging in more serious talk. In Darcy’s case this is a fundamental change in response to Elizabeth’s reproof; in Henry’s, it’s a simple adaptation to one person’s taste rather than another. He’s intelligent and able to engage in serious conversation when he wants to, but that’s not indicative of any fundamental change in his thinking.

3) He is polite to her family (the Prices, in Portsmouth) even when they are embarrassing.

4) He speaks with Fanny about reforms he is making on his estates to make sure his tenants are being treated fairly. These feels like a parallel to Elizabeth’s improved opinion of Darcy upon visiting Pemberley and hearing how well his servants speak of him. The difference is that Darcy has always been like that, whereas we are told early in Mansfield Park that Henry has been little on his estates during his adulthood: “To any thing like a permanence of abode, Henry Crawford had…a great dislike”. Darcy is acting in line with deep-seated principles; Henry is doing it as part of his courtship of Fanny, so he can bring it up to her and look good. He also tries to get her to counsel him to continue in this current vein, to engage her in a desire to fix/improve him, which Fanny shuts down laudably: “I advise! - you know very well what is right,” and when he reples that he always knows what is right when she tells him: “We all have a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person could be.” The weakness of Henry’s motivation is seen in the ending, where he puts off a visit to his estates to set matters right there in order to flirt with the now-married Maria Rushworth.

In short, Darcy is already good in many concrete ways, and sincerely improves in the ways where he is faulty, not in order to get Elizabeth to love him but because he thinks about her criticisms, agrees with them, and wants to be better for its own sake; and he helps her family solely out of love for her and deliberately hides it. Henry changes his manner and talk as part of his courtship, but his deeper values and attitudes do not change, and everything is directed at getting Fanny to fall for him.

The second area of contrast is in what the heroines object to. Elizabeth’s aspersions on Darcy’s character, regarding his interactions with Wickham, are found to be mistaken; her legitimate objections are to his attitude and arrogance, and he amends this. Henry’s manners are impeccable and his company charming; Fanny’s objections are to his character. She sees him deliberately flirt with both her cousins at once to a degree that implies an intent to propose, and play them off against one another; she sees him make some very deliberate and mutually-understood innuendo towards Maria, signifying that she should break off her engagement and be with him instead, all with zero intention of actually proposing if she did do so; she sees him use the theatricals to continue this pursuit of Maria. And this is very usual behaviour for Henry; his sister says he has broken many hearts, and when he starts courting Fanny his goal is to make her fall in love with him and then leave her “feeling she will never be happy again”.

This is what makes me judge Henry much more harshly than his sister Mary. Mary can be selfish, but she is not malicious or cruel, and she can be kind when it doesn’t inconvenience her (and one of her better traits is that even when she is unhappy or disappointed she never takes it out on other people). In contrast, Henry’s principal diversion and entertainment for years has been deliberately making young women miserable, leading them on, getting them to reject other suitors in hopes of him, and then departing without a care, to please his own vanity. He is, in truth, doing not once but habitually, what Willoughby did to Marianne: always implying enough to seem on the edge of an engagement but never following through, and then pretending it was all nothing. It’s a casual cruelty he finds amusing as a proof of his skills. In short, he’s a deceptive playboy. Even after Maria is married, he can’t resist flirting with her, which is what leads to her disgrace and social destruction.

Even though Austen lays out an alternative scenario where Henry might have married Fanny if not for that final flirtation with Maria Rushworth, all of the above does not lead me to believe she find that scenario desirable. She’s painstakingly laid out all the contrasts with her previous novel that make this scenario a very different one from Pride and Prejudice.

In addition to Henry’s serial seductions, one of the biggest red flags is his attempt to make Fanny responsible for his character, with an attitude of ‘you’re such an angel, you can make me do whatever you want’. This gives me Tenant of Wildfell Hall vibes, where Helen’s aunt tries to warn her off thinking that an older man of the world will let himself be guided and led by a younger woman who is in his power. Fanny rejects this idea: Henry knows what is right, can make his own choice to do it, and she will not let herself be appropriated as his conscience. Henry isn’t debauched like Huntington, but if Fanny married him the chances of him feeling bored after some years - when he no longer has the thrill of the pursuit to keep him interested - and pursuing other flirtations and affairs to Fanny’s misery, seems pretty high based on his character; and he’s skilled enough at skirting the line that he could easily brush away any objections from her as “oh, it’s nothing, just being sociable.”

On top of all the faults of character - even if Henry did reform, I have trouble seeing Fanny and Henry being happy together. At the core of his personality is a need for change, for stimulus, for challenge (the latter, rather than sexual desire, is the main thing driving his string of conquests), and for company. Fanny, in contrast, very much prefers quiet and the company of a few people she is close to, and I think this is her genuine personality, not something that needs to be overcome by “bringing her out of her shell”. Henry would be bored to misery living the kind of lifestyle that Fanny is comfortable with, and Fanny would be deeply unhappy living in the social whirl and flurry of activity that Henry prefers. In contrast, Fanny and Edmund are both “me after a quiet day in: time for a quiet night in” people.

So, with all this, why is Henry/Fanny a popular AU? Apart from fannish dislike of Edmund (which I don’t share), I think part of it is that we don’t get an open confrontation between Fanny and Henry, the way we do between Elizabeth and Darcy, where she lays out her objections to him: I saw you flirting with both my cousins at once, I saw you making them both unhappy for your own amusement, I saw you repeatedly tempting Maria to break her engagement with no intention of following through if she did, just because you liked the challenge of winning an engaged woman. And the lack of this naturally raises the question of: how would Henry react if this confrontation happened? Which provides fertile soil for AUs.

[hwnglx]

another anon's request <𝟑

txt's turn on's and turn off's

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

yeonjun

turn on's > popular and well-liked > even-tempered -> doesn't get riled up or offended easily > knows their place and doesn't overstep any lines -> good manners and knows how to behave according to the situation > curious about him -> shows clear interest in him, has all their attention on him > a lot of compliments, flattering, talking about how outstanding and special he is > flirts in a very direct manner (he feels drawn to people who aren't afraid to be honest about their interest with him) > don't hate me for saying this lol but he likes people who are “worse” or less talented than him because it feeds his ego (he can get insecure when someone overtakes him at something he's extremely ambitious about)

turn off's > has an inflated ego without being able to back it up with the necessary skill (they're all talk with no substance behind it) > doesn't know how to control their energy and oversteps boundaries, offends people a lot (especially verbally) > keeps bragging about themselves and triggering his insecurities -> makes themselves look better than him, pushes his buttons and damages his ego > obsessed about controlling him or putting certain rules on him (treating him like he's supposed to subdue) > takes life too seriously, is very uptight or conservative > too cautious and scared of doing things all the time -> doesn't know how to have fun

soobin

turn on's > capable of carrying responsibilities in a graceful and easy manner -> does everything they need to do and doesn't get stressed out easily > commands attention and knows how to make people listen to them > has an exact plan for their life and takes pride in knowing what they want -> doesn't allow external forces or opinions to influence their life path > introspective and reflective about their own actions -> acts with integrity and self-awareness > rigid workaholic, truly enjoys working (he'd feel fueled to put in more effort into his own work and would get inspired and encouraged by their diligence)

turn off's > too cold and detached > too different to him (he needs some sort of alignment in values and something to bond over, otherwise he just finds it awkward and sees it as a bad match) > tbh, he finds it difficult to connect to foreigners and prefers korean people, just because he thinks they'd naturally understand his perspective and values in relationships better > doesn't feel the need to improve and just remains stuck in the same place (he thinks you can always upgrade yourself) > gets afraid of conflict and doesn't know how to assert themselves > too indecisive and has no idea what they want (keeps being influenced by others)

beomgyu

turn on's > independent and content on their own -> doesn't appear to be in need of anyone and just does their own thing without caring about others > soft and sensitive-hearted people (he likes this co-existence of being very hard-working and diligent while being a softie deep inside. also is incredibly emotional himself, so he subconsciously feels drawn to people of similar nature) > very ambitious and active in their pursuit of their goals (but isn't "in your face" about it, like they don't feel the need to show their achievements off to everyone) > carries a lot of inner strength and resilience > doesn't call everyone “friend” but deeply cares & cherishes the ones they do -> selective about who they get close to

(can i just say miss winter fits this man's type like a glove, i kept seeing her in my mind's eye and literally couldn't get her off my mind. he's still obsessed with her lol)

turn off's > doesn't care about anyone and keeps detaching themselves emotionally > doesn't have their priorities straight and keeps juggling between different people (like they have several people they're talking to, don't make things clear for any of them and keep leading everyone on. he wants to feel special!) > keeps neglecting and letting down their loved ones -> struggles with keeping a connection happy and stable > overly concerned and worried about people's perception -> obsessed about always making a good impression on everyone (like someone who takes 20 hours to doll up, keeps wanting to take pics for insta everywhere, things like that. he prefers more natural and laidback people)

taehyun

turn on's > deep thinkers and mysterious > very transformative and challenges you to change -> has a powerful effect on you (someone who makes you rethink certain opinions and lingers in your mind for a while) > has this aura of “perfection” to them -> very put together all the time (he'd feel intrigued and get curious about getting to know them beyond the facade) > turns out to be very sociable and nicer than people think (someone who has an intimidating first impression but is actually very friendly) > knows how to party and have a good time > doesn't get emotionally attached to people much -> is more casual and laid back about their connections

turn off's > too obsessed about their own goals with no consideration for anyone else > extremely stubborn and fixed in their ways -> inable to relax and just allow things to flow > literally a virgo mars (their need to constantly plan everything to a T would drive him crazy) > keeps criticising him and is never satisfied with anything > but also isn't direct or honest with him and avoids confrontation (he can mostly tell when someone pretends to be pleased when they truly aren't) > avoids and is scared of negative emotions and reality -> runs away from things that makes them uncomfortable > keeps being stuck in their gloomy and sad world (he'd think it's annoying and kills the fun for everyone)

huening kai

turn on's > very different to him (looks, personality, cultural background, language, etc.) > an underdog (this is so cute, he feels drawn to people no one seems to root for. like he feels for them and wants to support them even more) > generous people who don't want anything in return > has a joyful and beautiful connection to their family (also sees their close friends as family and puts a lot of value into keeping their connections happy and stable) > has strong opinions and is good at asserting themselves in a direct manner (isn't scared of confrontation and will defend themselves plus their loved ones with no hesitation) > good at arguing and standing their ground (he just thinks it's impressive when a person doesn't get intimidated and always finds the right words to justify themselves) > charming and charismatic -> naturally draws attention to themselves

turn off's > too inexperienced or immature in relationships (he himself can get kinda awkward still so being with someone similar to him just wouldn't work) > keeps sending mixed signals and doesn't communicate or express themselves directly (he feels like he'd go insane trying to figure them out, it'd make him very insecure) > too arrogant and cocky -> puts themselves above everyone > doesn't know how to give in or accept defeat -> too proud to admit they're wrong or messed up > is very indecisive and unsure what they want -> never really forms an opinion and just stays neutral about everything

[siriuslychessi]

Spotlight

For the August @jilychallenge

AO3 | FF

“I only have feelings for you because we’ve been acting as a couple on this show that we’ve grown up together on since we were eleven…I think…”

The words on the script made James’ palms sweat, he was not sure if in a good or bad way, he just felt the profuse sweating making the page stick to his skin and he did not like the sensation, the reaction to the words on the page felt foreign to him as he kept reading. 

“And are we sure this is where Gilderoy wants the show to go to?” James asked, hoping his voice was steady. He had had a few awkward moments while his voice was changing as he grew up in the show, but he was over it by now. He didn’t want the uneasiness to show in his voice. 

“Yes, he did a previous revision, but that remains the same, he checked with Albus as well.” Kingsley informed James, as the younger man took a pen from his pocket, clicking it a couple of times out of nerves and habit, before writing his own notes on the margins of the script. 

“Any directions from Dumbledore? Or is he just trying to play it by ear?” James asked, pausing in his notes to look at Shacklebolt. 

Kingsley shrugged, “At the moment he wants to see how it plays out, you two have been playing with these characters for a while now. You know them better than anyone.” he admitted, and James nodded. 

“Thank you,” James said absentmindedly, as Kingsley left to prepare for filming. He was still thinking about the words on the page, and the scene he would have to participate in sooner rather than later.

Being in a show since before your voice changed did a lot to impact a young boy’s life. Instead of school and classmates, you had private lessons and castmates that felt more like family than random people in a place of work. And that also meant that small grudges grew over time, or changed into something else entirely.

At the moment he was uncertain of how the grudges and feelings had evolved as he read the script in his hands.

James had to admit that acting was just about him getting his energy out, a way to express himself, and for his parents to keep him occupied. Or it was like that at the beginning. He never thought that he would make a career out of it, no one at 11 thinks of a job or the responsibility it carries, at least not like adults do. But the more he acted, the more he enjoyed it, and the better he wanted to be. 

He started taking his career more seriously, took acting lessons, asked a lot of questions on direction, and requested feedback from older actors and more experienced people in the industry. It was quite the change from his previous stance of ‘I’ll do it because it’s fun, besides no one would fire the cute main lead’. A change that many have seen as a positive improvement and actually welcome and encourage it. 

Sirius, his best friend in set and life, had found it annoying at first, James and him used to do a lot of shenanigans around set, and he always teased him for his new found work ethic. He had to admit that Sirius put little effort on the craft but was an amazing actor all the same, always brought emotion to the characters he played, however, was more passionate about their band than acting, and was always teasing James about his new purchased books and courses.

James had tried to share his interest with his best mate, and Sirius reluctantly had taken a few of the books with him. The teasing persisted but James could see Sirius’ curiosity spiking at new theories and techniques, even if the other man preferred to write lyrics than study lines.

Sirius was also privy, as was his other close friend Remus, about the difficulty to work with one Lily Evans. She was the co-star of the show, and had it out for James since day one when he tried to do a trick on a skateboard and managed to ruin her big-scene dress. James had never managed to outlive that. 

Their relationship had been odd from the start, Lily had decided that James was the worse person to step in the set, and the fact that they had so many scenes together didn’t help improve her perception, neither did the numerous pranks that James had played on her and her former friend Snape, who used to be part of the cast.

James had learned not to prank people over the years, or at least to be more conscious of the types of pranks that were done. But he believed the damage was done and his and Lily’s relationship was one that would only blossom on screen. 

However, that might be the nerves talking. Lily in reality had grown fond of the boys, especially after Snape left and he was not whispering how annoying the rest of the cast was. She managed to see how witty James was, Sirius' intelligence and knowledge of music and business, and Remus' interesting facts and inherited sweetness. She had grown fond of all of them, and she hoped that they could see that they had outgrown the annoying little children they all used to be. 

Not only because of the work, that was easier to do when everyone got along, but because she wanted to be friends with people she spent the majority of the time with. To have meaningful relationships that would last them more than just a set life. 

If James had bothered to go find Lily, instead of getting anxious about asking Sirius’ some questions regarding the upcoming scene, he would have seen that Lily was almost in the same predicament as him. Pondering on the words written on the pages, and how she felt about it. 

Lily read the whole episode again. According to the notes from the director, her character was nervous, which she wouldn’t even have to act at that point. She had been pacing in her trailer with the pages in hand since receiving them. Her and James’ character had always had a more friendly relationship, sometimes annoying each other, sometimes too close to believe that they were just part of the same friend group, and now, their relationship was going to define what they were. 

Lily was not sure how she felt about how definitive it all felt.

In all the time Lily had been in the show all she thought was making her family proud, her friends outside of the business proud, and to do a good job, because she understood how many little girls would feel related to her character and that felt like a huge responsibility but it made her excited to come to work every day. 

It was hard to go through puberty in a show that had mostly male actors, and where the one she thought was a close friend turned out to be creepy and not at all friendly. She had to deal with a lot, and she was thankful that she had Mary for most of it. But she knew that she had annoyed her best mate when talking about James. 

James had always been a topic for Lily, after all they had a lot of scenes together, but it had fluctuated from annoyance to friendship so much that her feelings were muddled and her thoughts waver from one side of her feelings to the other. She knew that going to Mary in these circumstances was not advisable, as her friend would probably tease again that she had always had a crush on Potter, just as much as the crush she had on Black on and off screen. 

Lily was not ready to deal with all of it. 

The lights on set made the chilly day of March feel toasty. Lily believed that the studio didn’t need the central heating with the hard lights on them. It was a miracle that the makeup stayed put under that heat, and it was the second time under the same lights that she felt like trembling from nerves. 

The first time she was eleven and it was her first big show, she had been wanting to prove herself with the network’s executives. She thought she would butch all her lines, and to be honest she could have given herself more space to mess up and enjoy. She was eleven, a few lines missed or misspoken would not be the end of the world. 

Yet, it felt like the world was ending. 

But then, there was this boy, with messy hair and thick glasses, that made everyone in the set laugh, and was apologetic about missing his queues, or even fidgeting with his hair, when he was not supposed to, it would be a mess for editing the show. 

And she was jealous, and furious that this boy could enjoy as much as he wanted, that he could be so casual when she was a mess. 

With time she learned that the tale that James’ messing with his hair meant he was nervous, and the jokes were half a tale too. He did enjoy making people having a good time, but they could be a distraction from how on edge he was. 

It took Lily a long time to learn these things about James, and the more she knew about him, the more she liked him. 

Which was why she was a mess right before the big scene. 

James grew from the thin little prat, to be a handsome young man. He still made silly jokes, and his hands stopped just as he was about to mess his hair, but his dedication to the job had changed. He was serious about the scenes, he made sure he got notes from the writer and the director; didn’t mind doing retakes when necessary, and was mindful that Lily would be in some of the shoots so he tried his best to stick to script. 

He also remembered the snacks she liked and always brought some to rehearsal, and was sure to warn her of any possible paparazzi on set. He always managed to remember her birthday, and her families’, and was always kind when her sister and her friends gushed to him on set. Something Lily really hated, but seeing him be attentive like that made her stomach twist in weird ways. 

Lily was not alone in her nerves. James was right there with her. 

Lily had been a constant in James’ life, either by scolding him or making him better. He didn’t know exactly when the little annoying girl had transformed into the gorgeous young woman that he had a crush on, but that was where they were at, and now they had a crucial scene together. A scene that was more personal than anything, and he was not sure that he liked that it happened in front of the cameras. 

As James stepped in position he remembered if he properly brushed his teeth, which he had; and he had eaten a mint as well. He tried to not think of how potent, or not, was his deodorant under the heavy set lights, and all in all he tried to be presentable not only for the job but for the scene.

“I guess we are doing this.” he mumbled, more to himself than to anyone. 

“We certainly are, Potter.” Lily replied with a smile, that made James’ nerves shake even harder. 

“Everyone ready, we’ll be rolling, so silence in the set!” James heard the voice of Kingsley in the background, but was focused on Lily’s green eyes, and the rose tinted lips that were glossed for the scene and the cameras. 

Lily looked back at him, her lips moving as if to say something. But James mind did not register any of what was being set, his mind focused on her lips and expression. 

“Matt?” he finally heard what Lily had said, it was the name of his character, the one that he had been playing for so long that he almost replied when he heard it. 

“I’m sorry, but what did you mean by that?” He knew what the line was, and Lily and himself had improvised in the past, knowing that stopping the take might delay the production more than just a tiny messed up line. 

“Well, how do you know it is me you fancy? I thought you were dating Nancy.” Lily’s voice carried, and James remembered the plot where their love triangle with Sirius’ character became even more complex. 

“I am not. I’m not dating anyone.” he sounded sincere because in reality he wasn’t, there was no one he wanted to date but his co-star, but he knew she didn’t like him that way. However, just for a moment he could pretend that these were not the characters talking. “There’s no one else, it’s you, Audrey, it’s always been you.” 

For a brief moment James wished that it was Matt, the character, the person saying those words, but himself, to Lily, wonderful and gorgeous Lily. 

That moment passed quickly as her eyes pressured him to move forward, not to stop and continue with the scene. And he did. 

James’ hands moved on their own accord wrapping themselves on Lily’s waist and pulling her closer. He felt her breath on his cheek and her green eyes on him, as if the universe was telling him that his wish of this being a kiss between them was coming true. 

He let his body continue, his nervous thoughts forgotten as his lips touched Lily’s. 

Lily’s arms wrapped around his neck, and her hands moved to his hair, grabbing hold of his nape, keeping him close as her lips reciprocated whatever he was giving.

She tasted like cherry lip gloss and something sweet like vanilla and apple tart. 

He tasted like mint and those dark chocolates he was always snacking during takes.

Lily’s apple shampoo and her flowery perfume mixed with James’ senses, as James’  musky scent made her want to pull him closer and taste more of his lips and feel more of his body. 

They were in their own little world, a perfect kiss, for the perfect culmination of a career, but more so, for better expressing exactly what one felt for the other.

Neither of them wanted it to end. 

Yet they were not alone, and a repetitive “Cut!” could be heard from somewhere near them, pulling them back to earth. 

“Way to go Prongs!” James heard Sirius say. 

The whole set bursted laughing, including the couple. 

One thing was sure, they no longer were only castmates.

[the-night-that-feeds-if]

Hey everyone, dunno how long this might be, kind of doing a stream of consciousness style ramble about TNTF and me and stuff :)

alright so, tntf is getting a huge rework, this is my first if game ever, the coding is a little overwhelming, i know it’s fairly simple but it’s A LOT.

the reason i’ve been pretty quiet is mostly due to burnout, as some of you know i have health issues, i have crohns disease, i’m also autistic with adhd—something i love about this community is the understanding and acceptance for people/authors like me who may want to write but are just too stuck to be able to do it.

i know everyone is so jazzed for the next update, and i am too, there’s a few changes i’m making in regards to the technical aspects of the story, i’m removing stats, for the MC and for relationships. part of it is… i’m not a numbers person, trying to balance out the stats going up and down is a pain when this is planned to be a pretty damn long story. i also just don’t like it for my story personally, i don’t want you, as the player to feel like you have to game-ify personality or relationships.

this also opens the option for me to write more player responses to situations without having all of that annoying code in my brain~ MORE FLAVOR!

My writing has also vastly improved when it comes to fiction, a lot because i have been practicing so much while i’ve been sick (i’ve been playing with and writing AI chatbots on Janitor.AI, learning how to create a complex and realistic personality, an engaging character and world.) It’s been useful as a stress reliever and as a tool to help me write better, more descriptive etc.

on that note, smut in my game is also a very yes, i feel much more comfortable writing it now… heh.

i’ve also decided that all of my books are going to remain free, tntf was a planned three book series, it may just be one or two HUGE books, we’re going to have to see what i, and twine are capable of. but the story is going to span four countries and two continents of the world, so yeah.

the new rewrite is also going to slow things down considerably, because now we’ll have MC on a ship for four months as the intro, then meeting maddock and spending <insert amount of time here> with him while traveling to that little inn. it also gives me more room to introduce the characters a lot earlier but in their own POVs and not just while they’re with MC. i want the world to feel alive.

my decision to make and keep tntf free is because i want to.

i would not appreciate minors interacting with my content, but i also grew up with the internet, i know that no matter how much prevention we put in, minors are going to access our content regardless if it’s free or not. i just ask that if you are a minor and reading adult fiction, please don’t comment, dm or whatever, this is for your safety in the community as well as, i don’t want to deal with other people’s children on the internet, it’s nothing against any of ya’ll, you’re awesome, children are great but i’m almost 26, i really don’t want to deal with kids in what’s pretty much an adult space (i haven’t really seen books catered to the younger than 18 crowd, but like i’m saying, i’m more interested in forging connections with the adult community here, considering i am one, lmao *bats children away with pool noodles*)

i think that’s it

i might post more stuff but that’s my general direction

also to the asks in my inbox from last year on my birthday and forward… I READ THEM ALL AND APPRECIATE EVERY WELL WISH AND FEEDBACK, GENUINELY. i’m just bad at social media.

[fmet]

Reading the most recent Mad Dog arc as the antithesis to Chuseok and Sports Festival arc is sooooo crazy it’s so crazy and it makes me want to pull my hair out. So much has improved between them since those few months in part from the distance and alienation that Chuseok arc warranted but ultimately they’re still unable to honestly connect with each other, only now because of opposite reasons. Their spatial closeness and false amicability during Chuseok being what led to them blowing up in the first place: they both wanted to get along so well that they behaved in ways hostile to the others nature: Eunyung misleading/lying about his job, knowing Haejoon’s issues with paranoia, being bullied, and just in trusting Eunyung specifically; and Haejoon putting Eunyung on a moral pedestal knowing that Eunyung would take the standards he set for redemption personally. It was their mutual rejection of each other under the visage of getting along and “improving their relationship” that obstructed them from actually having spent Chuseok together and becoming the family that they had either lost or been excluded from prior.

In Mad Dog, in contrast, so much of their time is spent openly worrying for, advocating for, and seeking each other out. It's an impulsive and honest effort to bring the other closer, not because they have to if they want to get along, but because they're concerned for each other. Haejoon spending hours calling Eunyung to warn him about those forgot-their-name asswipes; Haejoon walking him "home" (even if the way he proposed it was a little odd lol) and Eunyung doing the same in 215; both of them keeping track of where the other is, which culminates in Eunyung being there to call an ambulance for Haejoon, in a situation where otherwise he could have very likely died. And the most striking change about all of this behavior is it’s being in accommodation to each of their characters “imperfections”. Haejoon doesn’t get mad at Eunyung for forgetting to mention he isn’t with his parents any more, Eunyung doesn’t lambaste Haejoon for his ability, or inability, to read people, and actually takes his perspective on their situation to heart. Both of them have adopted traits of the other that they had once found unbearable: In Haejoon, we can see Eunyung’s verbiage, and in Eunyung, a revitalized desire to improve: both are inspired by each other to tailor and limit how they use their strength.

They both clearly admire one another so much and are now at the point that they can openly express this, but at least in Eunyung’s case, his admiration doesn’t invite further contact. The desire for companionship was once so stifling living in the same dorm and bowing under the warped expectations of each other, but now that their influence has actually begun to make marked improvements on their lives, it’s physical distance that’s keeping them apart. Now, that they’re both in the headspace to admire each other, their life outcomes are steering in polar opposite directions, with neither being fully capable of actualizing this without detriment to their individual progress. It makes me really anxious to think about future chapters and how WaNan will handle this new(er) obstacle between them, especially given it’s not something that can be solved purely with further character development. Eunyung and Haejoon knowing each other undoubtedly changed their lives but it’s suspended whether that “knowing” will last as long as said lives, iykwim.

[studentbyday]

week 3 / small commitments challenge “There is no race to win. Only a stroll.”

Yes, emerging adulthood is a privileged phenomenon. But with great privilege comes great responsibility and I sometimes feel the need to know exactly what I want in life from career to friendships to romantic relationships to family and how I will handle challenges in each of those domains that may have a chance at or will definitely come my way in order to be responsible. But that's an impossible ask at this stage of my life. I don't even think I can know all of what I want in life for decades to come. I keep changing. And it would not be wise now to run around in circles, chasing my tail, coming to no conclusions, or to rush the decision making process and come to conclusions that aren't well thought out. Sometimes I feel like I should make these decisions faster whenever I see others in my life around my age making them or having made them already or just generally progressing faster in life than I am. And other times, for seemingly no reason at all, I pick up the issues again from the backburner in case this time I stop chasing my tail...but that hasn't happened yet.

We all have different experiences that lead us to our varied and valid conclusions. Perhaps my peers have just experienced enough to come to theirs. Which means I just have to keep exploring different options until I feel informed enough to make those decisions for myself. And when I've made those decisions, I'll have to commit to them fully (well, 99.9%) so that I can be free in mind to become as good as I can at whatever I decide to do. This doesn't mean I'll stop re-assessing my circumstances periodically as that's how one spots better opportunities and improves themselves, but equally important is only changing direction when there are objectively good reasons to, not just because strong feelings of FOMO or self-doubt pull me so (those feelings can and have been useful in telling me when smth is genuinely wrong about my current situation but they can also be to my detriment when they arise primarily because of the voice in my head whose sole purpose is to be a pessimistic nay-sayer/bully).

hours spent stu(dying) 😭 tomato garden (50/10): M: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 Tu: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 W: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅+(1/2 🍅) Th: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 F: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 (so tired, i had to take a nap 😪) S: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 Su: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

In other news, the ochem midterm was this week. I studied as hard as I could for it all week, but that meant I didn't start on the new module (not covered on the midterm) for this week, hence the absence of a true weekend 😭 3 more weeks to go (including 1 week JUST to review for final woohoo!! [no that isn't sarcasm, i genuinely need that time lol]) and then we're NOT doing any more ochem at uni (self-study, maybe, but istg never again in a squished timeframe like this 😭). (Also wowwww can you tell i'm tired by the number of times i repeat the same words and emojis in a short paragraph... Adrenaline [or is it the sun? 😒] had me waking up before my alarm all week, averaging 7 hours of sleep a night 😭)