#that changing their relationship in any direction would have improved it

[wearysparrows]

I (Almost) Shot You Down

Summary: A chance encounter with Sylus snowballs something much larger, and you're pushed even deeper into the depths of his world -- whether you like it or not.

Chapter 1: A pillar of Salt

After being forced on leave from the Hunter's Association, you try to find respite outside of the safety of your apartment. By chance, you see Sylus engaged with someone else. You nearly take his head for it -- but he gets his way, in the end.

CW (18+): Sylus/reader, no use of ' Y/N,' Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, Guns, MC is chronically depressed and exhausted, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Not Beta Read, Explicit Sexual Content, Blood and Violence, Drug Use, Gambling, Reader is MC, AFAB reader is implied but no pronouns are used

A/N: This is my long, ongoing work that is still being updated. There are many more chapters up on ao3, and I'm working on getting them to tumblr. They're also being edited and improved from their original postings, so if you've read it before, there may be some changes as I upload!

You had finally begrudgingly accepted a few days off from your work with the Hunter’s Association, at the behest of your primary care physician (citing your declining physical health), your boss (citing your declining work performance), and your work partner (citing your declining mental health). The aforementioned meddlers had teamed up in an effort to finally tear you away from hunting, and would not allow you to return, despite your valiant attempts at protest. Work was your escape – from yourself, from the reality of your life, from your relationships – and everything in between. Hunting never changed, and you only got better at it. 

Your blatant disregard for yourself had failed to continue to go unnoticed by those who cared about you, though. Now, here you were, sitting in your empty apartment with only the all encompassing silence to keep you company. Left alone with your thoughts. Again. You hadn’t bothered to kick the lights on. Only the sound of the heater clicking filled the otherwise empty air around you. Your mind went where it always did, then. That day. No bodies were ever recovered. You didn’t even have something to bury. Caleb’s dog tags had found their way into your hands at some point, and you gazed at them listlessly in your palm. You could still feel the heat from the residual fires of the explosion radiating off of the metal. The warmth of his hand in yours. It was all you had left to prove he ever really existed.

You desperately needed to get out of the house. Anything was better than being here, and perhaps you would accidentally run into some wanderers while the ghost of you made its way about Linkon city. Throwing yourself at hordes of wanderers was the only coping mechanism that had shown any signs of taking your mind off of things. Sort of. With this scheme in mind, you quickly dressed yourself in your usual, strapping your gun to your thigh, concealing its comforting weight under your coat. It wasn’t like you were on forced bedrest, so a walk wouldn’t hurt, right? You stashed Caleb’s tags in your nightstand drawer, returning them to their safe place. You imagined that someday, they’d burn a hole in that wood, and you’d come back to nothing at all.

You left your apartment with no particular aim in mind, being sure to lock the door behind you. The biometric lock shifted into place with a soft whirr behind you. You may have been utterly exhausted, but you were never complacent. The weather outside wasn’t ideal for a walk, and the wind buffeted your hair about your face, and bit at your skin, as if you were offending it with your mere presence outside. Your eyes watered, protesting the assaults by the air. You opted to ignore these sensations, and continued to walk in what you thought was the direction of the nearby shopping district. Your appetite had long since left you – months ago now – but you knew you could find a small measure of pleasure in a cup of coffee on a day like today. 

After many twists and turns, your weary feet led you to an area you weren’t wholly familiar with. Maybe it was new? This was more upscale than your usual, you realized – your Hunter’s salary was decent enough, but definitely not this decent. Cobblestone that looked suspiciously new made the click of your boot-heels echo loudly off of your surroundings. You scrutinized the buildings before you, searching for somewhere that your presence would not offend, where you could also acquire what you were after. Everything was just a touch too upscale, too unwelcoming. All of the storefronts blurred into one image, one place where you weren’t welcomed. You chased thoughts from that same morning out of your mind that threatened to break through as you were forced into a moment of mental silence, and the still of the air and the lack of bustle kept returning you to reality. The last place you wanted to be. 

After a time of aimless searching, you spied a place that looked acceptable. It was smaller than the other establishments, tucked away conservatively into an alley, lit by warm sconces along either side. Unlike the other buildings, it was painted in a warm, sandy beige. You couldn't tell much else about it from the outside, other than that the interior was dimly lit. The imagery of the cup of coffee on the signage was enough to guide your way. You pulled open the heavy glass door, and half expected it to be partially empty on the inside, but you had no such luck. It was bustling, but warm as a result, and you realized how cold you had been before you had stepped in. The change in temperature almost immediately made you feel too hot in your coat.

The patronage was definitely outside of your tax bracket. The patronage was clad in an array of expensive looking furs and fabrics, all speaking to each other in the lowest of dulcet tones. You felt their eyes on you, but disregarded them. It wasn’t as if you weren’t allowed to be here, regardless of how out of place you may have looked. Which, you thought, wasn’t that much. You might not have been born into high snob-society, but you took good care of your looks. Your fingers were still moving slowly in protest to the inclement weather as you fished your wallet from your coat pocket, stepping towards the counter with the intention to order. You hardly glanced at the menu. You didn’t even have a drink in mind. Just something as a distraction. Liquid, hot enough to burn your tongue. A sensation to chase the thoughts away.

This course of action was quickly interrupted, however. In your periphery, you caught a glimpse of a shock of white hair on someone who seemed to tower over the rest of the people in the room, even while sitting. Clad in blacks and velvet reds, he both fit in perfectly and stood out starkly all at once. He was talking to someone else you couldn't see in a hushed tone.

Sylus?

Surely not. Why would he even be here, of all places? Sure, it was nice, but not places-Sylus-frequented nice. Or at least, the places you imagined he frequented. You still didn’t have a full idea of all of the things Sylus did with his free time. Short of that, what was he doing cavorting about in Linkon in public? Your eyes bored holes into the back of his head, trying to catch wind of what could have possibly brought him to a place like this. You side stepped into a corner table that allowed you to get a better look at who he was speaking with.

A woman?

This clearly wasn’t just any woman, either. A cascade of elaborately curled blonde hair fell down her back in elegant waves, and a deep red dress clung to her like a second skin, outlining her perfectly against Sylus’s dark form. A small nose, and full lips. Long, dark lashes. She was saying something to him, but you couldn’t make out the words in the den of the conversations from the other patrons. He laughed in response to her words, and leaned closer to her. She was smiling at him, covering her mouth with a delicate hand. Her other hand touched his shoulder.

Stones stacked neatly in your stomach as you watched them. You felt like a voyeur. They looked exquisite together – it was undeniable. She was even wearing the perfect color of red. It looked as if she had exsanguinated someone and dyed the dress in their blood – a perfect match for Sylus. Everything else �� everyone –  in the room paled in comparison. Sylus was still smiling at her, full of charm. You thought about what Zayne had said to you before forcing you to take time off. 

You look like you’re two steps away from death. Take a few days off.

Well, his observation was more astute than he realized, clearly. You certainly felt that way now, in light of the spectacle that was playing out before you. Maybe only one step away. Half a step. You told yourself this was none of your business, that you should just quietly take your leave before he noticed you had ever been here. There was no reason for him to take notice of you while he was attending to his private matters. You were just passing through his life. Brushing through his fingertips. Never actually touching him in any way that mattered. Physically, mentally, spiritually. 

You decided you needed to leave. Urgently. Despite telling yourself staring down the couple wasn’t bothering you because there was nothing between you and Sylus anyway and what the hell was your problem, you had begun to feel nauseated. You clutched your arm about your midsection, and hurriedly peeled yourself out of your seat. Every one of your muscles protested at the movement, reminding you that you should be at home right now. On forced bedrest, probably. 

That just wasn’t in the cards. You weren’t sure you had a hand to play at all. You silently cursed the great dealer in the sky.

You made a beeline for the door, but not before you took one final glance at Sylus and his companion. Even if you were to turn into a pillar of salt for looking back, you just needed one more glimpse. To satiate your curiosity. But luck wasn’t on your side (when was it ever?), because you met Sylus’s eye as you looked, as well as those of the beautiful woman. You saw surprise pass over his features, and thought you saw his lips part as if he were going to say something. The woman peered back at you curiously. You cast your eyes away from the bewitching image before you. 

You could feel all the water being sucked from each of the cells in your body, one by one. You would shrivel up on the spot, and leave behind only the base impression of yourself in the wake of your shame. Hopefully, your rotten yearning soul would be freed to roam elsewhere, far from here, in this place you didn’t belong.

Ah, take me, O salt pillar!

There were no such mercies in this life, of course. You left the cafe as quickly as your feet would allow. The glass door slammed behind you. You were running now, for reasons you couldn’t (didn’t want to) quantify. It wasn’t as if he was chasing after you, coming to explain that no, she’s just a friend, just someone I work with, don't worry.  Faster you went, the need to see the comforting outline of your apartment against the sky becoming more desperate by the moment. Fortunately, the run home was certainly shorter than the walk to the cafe, and the image you so desired to see appeared before you, blessedly. 

Only then did you allow yourself a moment to rest. Your lungs screamed in protest at your outburst, and you sucked in great mouthfuls of air, trying to forcibly still your rapidly beating heart. It was always betraying you in one way or another, even now. You bent over, your hands on your knees, and took a moment to collect yourself. You were grateful no one had been around to see this display, from you leaving your apartment, to running away from a damn coffee shop empty-handed. You curled a fist in your hair, willing it out of your face as you righted yourself. A few stray strands came away in your fingers. That had been happening more and more often, as of late.

The walk up the stairs was nothing else if not excruciating, and you thanked even your unluckiest stars that Xaiver didn’t seem to be home from work yet to see the unfortunate events of your life play out as they were. You stumbled into your apartment – being sure to lock the door behind you, as always. 

The safety of your home did good work to soothe your nerves, a stark contrast to the horrid occurrence in the cafe. You shrugged into something more comfortable: a camisole and a pair of soft, cotton pajama shorts. This set had yet to let you down in the comfort department. Even as you changed, the events played over and over through your mind, and you burned with the embarrassment of it all. Sylus’s smile at that woman, his laughter. The way his gaze had twisted into something else entirely when he saw you. Your nausea refused to calm. Your mouth kept filling with too much saliva, over and over.

Why did you have to run away, of all things? You had left like a petulant child who was unable to cope with the sight before them, instead retreating to your small corner of safety in the world. 

Wry thoughts came to you. This is what I get for taking a day off. You knew you had been wrong to do so. Your prophecy was always fulfilling itself. Take that, Dr. Zayne. 

Still, you were yet unwilling to heed the siren’s call of your bed, despite the increasing intensity of its song. You flopped onto the couch instead with a sigh, the air entering and leaving your lungs easier now. You longed to be rid of the image of Sylus entangled with someone else, and decided you needed to busy your hands with something to scrub the thoughts from your mind. 

As a result of not taking nearly any days off lately, you were definitely behind on the maintenance of your weapons. It technically wasn’t work. It was only related to work. You bent over from your position on the couch, and peered underneath it. Here was where your smallest gun safe lived. Perhaps not the most ideal place for it – but it wasn’t as if you had company over often, anyway. Save for Xavier, your steady and ever-reliable partner. And more recently, Sylus, who you hadn’t yet found an accurate definition for. His presence was usually accentuated by some excuse to intrude on your space.

You unlocked the safe. It was an old-school version, not biometric like the newer models. Pure, vintage analog goodness. A gift from Grandma when you had entered the Hunter’s Association. It came open with a soft, satisfying click. Only two weapons were usually inside – your Hunter’s issue handgun, old faithful. You returned it to its rightful place, now, as it had dutifully attended the cafe fiasco with you. With it was a piece that had forced itself into your possession – or rather, Sylus had forced it into your possession. You eyed the offending object, picking it up gingerly and placing it on the coffee table in front of you. It was considerably heavier than your standard issue. It had thunked onto the glass of the table, as if it were moderately offended to be there. Did even his gifts take on aspects of his personality? His influence seemed to know no bounds, so nothing would surprise you at this point. He certainly had a penchant for creating objects with personalities, if Mephisto was any measure.

This gun wasn’t the only firearm Sylus had thrust upon you. A gift, he had said. You weren’t wholly unconvinced he wasn’t using your house as his millionth-whatever-armory. You had accrued so many weapons that you had to acquire a secondary safe, the hulking mass of which sat in your bedroom forebodingly. It held all of the other “gifts” inside, tucked safely away in the darkness, waiting to be used for their dark purpose. You hid it underneath a spare sheet. The second safe was another gift from Sylus. It reminded you of him, in a way – it imposed its presence in your house: tall, cold, stark, and white. It didn’t fit here at all. And it was full of things meant to rend flesh from flesh, flesh from bone. Life from this plane into the next. You thought about the first time you met Sylus, and how he had obliterated a man from existence before your eyes with his evol. There hadn’t been so much as an ounce of recognition in his eyes for the life he had taken. The memory made your nausea threaten to return to you.

Your eyes came back into focus on the gun in front of you. You liked guns, and as much as you hated to admit it, this one was no exception. It was a beautiful article – a faithful reproduction of a vintage Colt 1911.  A classic, by anyone’s measure. It was a forty-five caliber, with an eight-plus-one round capacity. The recoil of your Hunter’s association issue paled into comparison to this, and it affected your accuracy negatively. You had recently replaced its bullets – standard full metal jackets – with hollow point rounds. Higher accuracy, higher damage. You planned to test this on the next Wanderer who was unlucky enough to be at the other end of your barrel. Or the next man. Those had only recently come into your sights, as a result of your exploits – at the request of Sylus. He had never actually asked you to gun a living person down, though. You weren’t sure you were even capable of doing so. Or if he would ask. 

The wood grip was custom engraved with your name, and encrusted with jewels, courtesy of him. Naturally. The body was scrubbed of any serial number. Naturally.

Ugh. 

You placed it on your knees, with the intention to take it apart to clean and maintain it. You intended to add a suppressor, which you had purchased with your own money. Not a gift from Sylus. Small victories.

Just as you began to take the weapon apart, you caught a sound. There was a sort of shuffling at your door, as if someone were standing behind it. The hair on the back of your neck stood up, prickling. Your intuition told you that whatever was behind it was something to be feared. You loaded the spare magazine of hollow points into the piece with a soft click. You flicked the safety off. Your hands had already begun to sweat.

You pointed the gun at the door. It was too heavy in your hands. 

Whoever was behind the door was making quick work of the lock, despite it necessitating your biometric data to unlatch. 

What if it was the same people who had taken the lives of Caleb and Gran? Had they finally had enough of this game of cat and mouse, and come for you?

You held your breath to steady yourself. The extension of Sylus’s violence wavered back and forth in your grip. The door came open at a painfully slow pace, and a large figure in black slipped through. You cocked back the hammer, which had previously given you difficulty. Now adrenaline bolstered even the strength in your fingertips, any previous weakness forgotten. The figure turned, closing the door behind him. Upon seeing you on your makeshift gunner’s perch on the back of the couch, he raised his hands in surrender, showing you the calloused tan of his palms. One of his hands was nearly the size of your head.

“Sylus?”

His eyebrows had initially shot up in surprise at your current posture, but he quickly relaxed his face into that of his usual mask of easy confidence. You hated that about him, his composure. You adored it, too. He couldn’t even bother to look afraid at the end of a gun. The gun he gave you. You exhaled the breath you had been holding through your nose.

“Expecting someone else?” 

He sounded pleased, of all things. You suddenly felt very exposed, in nothing but your camisole and shorts. Despite the gun in your hands, it was as if you were at the other end of his. Your head felt hot. Your forearms began to protest at the weight of the weapon. You blinked new wetness into dry eyes. 

“Why the fuck are you breaking into my house?” 

You didn’t lower the gun. You didn’t want to.  It wasn’t as if it was the first time you two had ended up like this. You, trying to kill him. Him, accepting your choice. Probably not the last, either. You were angry with him – not for breaking in, no. Not for his casual nonchalance in the face of death (could he even die?), not for his disregard for your poweress as an opponent. But for his date with someone else. Someone who was decidedly not you. The feeling bubbled up, stronger and stronger until it was burning you from the inside out. Shame accompanied it, hand in hand.

Of course, you had no real justification for this feeling. You and Sylus weren’t dating, as you needed to remind yourself more and more frequently. You weren’t even sure you could call your relationship friendly – it was somewhere in the bizarre stage of you wanting him, and him accepting your every move with grace. He took you for all you were in stride, met you for all your whims, and you trailed after his every word. You had something he wanted – what it was, you were never quite sure. It changed with his tides. You couldn’t pry it from him. Questions were only answered with more questions, so you had given up on asking them. Sylus’s response to your question cut through your thoughts. His voice was soft, imporing. 

“You didn’t answer my texts or calls. I was knocking for a while, too, but there was no answer. With the way you left, I came to make sure.” 

Make sure of what?

You hadn’t heard any knocking. You also hadn’t checked your phone.

He seemed to be choosing his words carefully, and they came in a slow, steady stream into your consciousness. You thought about the first time you had shot him. How his blood erupted from his chest in hot streams. It stained your hands as you tried desperately to stop his bleeding, pressing against the pulse of the open wound. When you thought you had taken his life. When he had pressed the trigger for you. When he didn’t die. The heat of him was still there, under your palms. It wouldn’t wash off. He was under your skin.

“I’m glad you like the gift, by the way.”

He took a step towards you as he spoke. You adjusted your grip. He was still in your sights. Your breath came quick, your mouth dry. You licked your lips, cracked from worrying your teeth on them so often lately. You thought about the woman and Sylus. Together. The red dress. Sylus’s blood. His laugh, for someone else. Not you.

“You’re welcome to take my life again,” he murmured soothingly, “But it might disturb the neighbors. Particularly the one downstairs. Of course, I’m willing to help you deal with the aftermath. Either way.” 

He still had his hands raised in submission. The image of it was practically ridiculous. This wasn’t a posture that Sylus took up under any other circumstance. You knew it was all a show for your benefit, and that you were no match for him, despite your own prowess. Something about his unrelenting acceptance of his own death at your hands (again) dragged you out of your stupor by your achilles heel. You lowered the gun. Sylus took the opportunity to stride forward, and quickly slipped it from your hands with his own. You let him. His touch lingered just a moment too long, fingers pressed to yours. He was warm. Too warm for someone who had just been out in the cold. You resisted the urge to take his hand. His evol materialized, and quickly turned the safety on, ejecting the magazine. It returned the gun to the safe, shutting it away as if it had never happened. The red cloud disappeared as quickly as it came, as if it never were at all. The process took no more than a few seconds of silence between the two of you.

“You were going to modify it?” He asked, nonchalant. As if you hadn’t just been almost making an attempt on his life. He glanced at the suppressor, now cold and lonely on the coffee table.

“Yeah. I was going to...add a suppressor.”

You could hear the flat affect in your voice. It reflected how drained you were beginning to feel by all of this, on top of everything else. Your shoulders sagged under the weight of it.

What the fuck was this conversation, actually? 

Sylus nodded, still managing to look pleased with the situation. You felt your life force actively draining from you as the seconds ticked by, as if you were the one who had almost been shot. His gaze shackled you in place, still. The sterling of his hair and the garnet of his eyes were just as enticing as ever. Radically out of place in your modest apartment. 

“Can I help you down?”

His soft inquiry brought to your attention that you were still perched with one foot up on the back of the couch, poised to kill him. Your hands were now very much without the gun. Nothing connected you to the world below you concretely, anymore. Except him. He was standing before you with an offered hand. At some point during your conversation, he had rolled up his sleeves, revealing the rippling capability of the muscle of his forearms. It enticed you without voice. You took his outstretched hand, wordlessly. To your surprise, he pulled you over the back of the couch and towards him, catching you like you were nothing, his free hand supporting your waist. You landed softly on your feet in front of him, still in his arms, hand in his own. For a moment, the posture reminded you of how you had danced with him at the auction. You looked up at him, he down at you. His expression was inscrutable, save for a little smile. You were close enough to see the soft sweep of his eyelashes. The circles under his eyes. Proud nose and soft lips. You pulled away, hugging your arms to yourself. It was much colder for his lack of touch. His hands hovered at the place where he had held for a moment, and then fell back to his sides.

“What has you so wound up? I tried to call out to you this morning, but you bolted before I could greet you.” 

Sylus had his head cocked at you now, as if the answer you had for him was something very simple. He adjusted one of his sleeve garters. You averted your gaze, studying a now very interesting speck of dust on your floor. You wanted to put all of this behind you, to forget it had ever happened. You would have never brought it up had he never shown his face. But he had to be here, asking questions. Making you lie to him even more than you already did. You had never been a liar until you spent time with him. You tried to keep your tone level as you spoke.

“I didn’t want to interrupt your date.” 

Even saying it made your insides crawl. You spat the last word out with more venom that you had intended. Your lower intestine was trying to creep up to your diaphragm, and seemed to be succeeding. Sylus raised an eyebrow in your direction.

“Date?”

 He crossed his arms over his chest. The movement made his biceps all the more prominent. He sounded puzzled, and was scrutinizing you, now. You couldn’t comprehend what was so hard to understand about all of this. You sighed, despite your best attempts to keep your emotions from bleeding through your cracks.

“Yes, date. What would you have me do? Come up and introduce myself while you’re clearly in the middle of something?”

You were aware you were completely out of line here. None of this was any of your concern in the first place. You had stuck your nose where it didn’t belong. Sylus had, quite literally, no obligation to you whatsoever. Certainly not to explain himself, or who he chose to spend his time with. You wanted to shrink and disappear into the floorboards. Perhaps you could seep through the cracks like smoke, and escape this confrontation all together. But you didn’t have that kind of power – unless Sylus was with you, holding you in his arms.

He had been quiet for a time. He started again.

“The woman I was with today is one of my contacts in Linkon. She helps me smuggle things in and out when I can’t attend to them personally. I’ve been working on...procuring something. For you.” He cleared his throat a little, as if he had just told you an embarrassing secret. 

You gawked at him. He was still smiling at you. His eyes met yours. Seeing everything you didn’t want him to see. He didn’t even need to use the protocore in his right eye. It was all bared to him, regardless.

“And yes,” he continued,

“I would have been very pleased to introduce you. You only let me show you off every so often – I wanted to seize the opportunity by the horns.”

There were too many things you didn’t understand. How he could move about Linkon so nonchalantly. How he could be having conversations about smuggling in an upscale Linkon cafe. How the man before you, who gained all of his income from untold numbers of criminal activities, was the same who willingly spent his free time with you playing Kitty Cards and screwing around in the arcade. It was too much. You turned from him, and instead returned to the safety of the couch. You sat on it, grounding yourself with the feeling of your own belongings. You heard him follow after you. His shoes were still on, but you didn’t have the heart to scold him for his disregard for your floor's cleanliness.  He sat next to you. The couch sunk under his greater weight, and caused you to slip a little closer to him on the furniture. 

“You don’t owe me an explanation, Sylus.”

It was all you could say. Better to keep the respectable distance between you just as it was. Any further and you wouldn't be able to keep up this facade around him anymore. He kept pulling at your threads, trying to reveal your insides. 

“No one owes anyone anything. But I wanted to tell you. Besides,” you felt his evol touch your hand, ever so gently. It was as if he was holding it without actually holding it. The little red extension of himself curled around your fingers playfully. You remembered how it had choked and shackled you in the past. Now it sat in your lap like a beloved pet, curling about your knees and fingertips. It’s usual crackling intensity was gone, now only a light, pleasant buzz against your skin. You focused on the sensation. It was warm, like him.

"Here I was, excited to think that you were going to shoot me because you thought you saw me out with someone else. I’m a little disappointed that wasn’t the reason.”

He was chuckling, like what just occurred had amused him. Something to spice up the usual banal repetition of his everyday life. You felt yourself deflating. There was no more hot air left inside – just the residual exhaustion, both emotionally and physically. You found yourself wishing, again, that you hadn’t taken a day off. If you hadn’t, Sylus wouldn’t have broken into your apartment to explain he wasn’t out with someone else. To you. The person he was also decidedly Not With. You fiddled with his evol in your lap. You had been around him often enough to know this teasing was his way of trying to cheer you up – to take your mind somewhere else besides exhausted and angry and I want to leave this plane of existence.

“I’ll be sure to follow through with it next time.” 

There was no real bite to your words – to your ears, you only sounded exactly as you felt. Like you were threatening the man you had feelings for who did not return them, yet still refused to leave you alone. A plaything for his own amusements. Sylus merely nodded. His evol had since made its way to the drawstrings of your shorts, and it was tying them in various intricate knots, there. You wondered at it. It seemed to have a mind of its own – but you were certain that this, too, was another idle whim of his.

“I’m looking forward to it, then.” 

His statement was quiet, nearly a sigh of pleasure. The back of your neck and ears burned in tandem. You examined the knots that were now likely forever tied into your poor drawstring. 

What the fuck kind of knots even were these?

You pointedly ignored the minor arousal that threatened to arise at this.

“There’s something wrong with your brain. Seriously.” 

“It takes a thief to catch a thief, my dove.” You could hear the smile in his words as he spoke.

“You have a few days off, right?” He was rolling the previously abandoned suppressor around in his fingers, examining it. You swore he had somehow gotten closer to you on the small couch – with the way his legs were spread, his knee was just barely touching yours. 

“Yeah. Wait, how did you know?”

He ignored your question. As he almost always did, as it suited him. Instead, he responded with another question of his own.

“Why don’t you come back with me to the N109 zone? You can rest there, instead of here. Or, we can go out. Whatever you’d like.”

You were about to deny him, but his voice took on a more serious tone as he continued to speak.

“This place is going to claim your life if you don’t leave it every once in a while.”

You look two steps away from death. Take a few days off.

Why was everyone in your life so thoroughly convinced of your impending collapse? Even your criminal mastermind was in on it. You scrunched Sylus’s evol up in your hands. It wiggled, protesting your treatment in your fingers, but not dissipating. You wondered if he could feel your touch through it. If he could feel it when he killed. Maybe you did need to leave – maybe this place was killing you. If it wasn’t Wanderers, it would be your own disregard for yourself. Maybe the air was forever tainted by the death of your family, and the miasma would never quite leave your lungs. Maybe running away was the best thing to do. Sylus was giving you an out – at least for a little while. Maybe there were strings attached. There had to be, without a shadow of a doubt.  He was silent while you mulled it over. You expected him to comment on your lack of response, but he said nothing.

Irritatingly patient.

You sighed. You turned to Sylus.

“Fine. But I only have a few days. Give me a few minutes to pack my things.”

Sylus had the good grace to look surprised at how easily you had agreed to his suggestion, but it quickly turned into a look of barely concealed smug satisfaction. His evol vanished from your grip, and you found yourself missing its comforting touch.

“You technically don’t need to pack anything. I have everything you could possibly need at the base. Clothes, food, weapons, shampoo, conditioner…the kinds you like.” He trailed off. You couldn’t tell how serious he was being, what with the expression he was serving you. You shot him a look.

He raised his hands, showing you his palms, submitting once again. 

“Like I said. Give me a minute to pack my things.”

Sylus leaned back on the couch, relenting. He dropped his hands.

True to your word, gathering your things for a trip to the N109 zone took little time at all. It wasn’t that you were particularly Spartan with your assets – but rather that Sylus really did keep all of the things you needed around, and much more. Knowing you could trust him on this front made warmth creep to your face, and the cold began to seep from your bones. After changing, you returned to the living room with your bag, where Sylus was patiently awaiting your return. He was peering out your window. The sun hit him just right, and it illuminated his eyes with its beams. The red only intensified in the light, the color of blood only just exposed to air. You could have stared at the image of him forever. He always claimed to be unlucky, but it seemed to you as if every aspect of the world bowed to him. For someone who was so weak to its rays, he was lit brilliantly by the sun. He turned to you, squinting. Your eyes fell to your gun, which was in his hands. You recalled that he had definitely returned it to the safe, previously. He waved it at you, careful not to point the barrel in your direction.

“Don’t forget this.”

He stood as he spoke, and stepped toward you. His form loomed over you, and you felt him slip the gun into your thigh holster (where you had planned to put your standard issue) underneath your coat.

  Bastard. 

His hand lingered on your hip before he put it in his coat pocket. He smelled good. He was wearing something today that you couldn’t quite place. His natural scent was there, too. 

Rosemary? Figs? Cloves?

“Shall we?”

His voice cut through your mental musings on men’s fragrance notes. You nodded, following after him as he led you out of your apartment. You were sure to lock the door behind you. Again. His bike was waiting faithfully for you in the parking lot. Sylus slipped your helmet on for you (why did he even have a second helmet on him today in the first place?), making sure your hair was tucked neatly away behind your neck. After repeating the action on himself, he kicked the stand out from under his bike, and you got on behind him. You always had no choice but to wrap your arms around him when you rode. You wondered how it made him feel – or if he felt anything about the contact at all. His back was broad, solid, and warm underneath your touch. You swore you could feel his muscles ripple underneath you, even with the barrier of his clothing between you. You squeezed him a little tighter as he began to drive. Even through your jacket, the air nipped at you for your speed. As he pressed the bike harder, you felt something tickle around your waist. You peeked down as best you could through the visor of your helmet. Sylus’s evol was keeping you neatly attached to him, as if your arms weren’t enough. The inside of your helmet suddenly felt hotter. You tried not to think about why he did the things he did. Sylus offered no acknowledgement or explanation for any of this. As always.

The bike sped on to the N109 zone, eager to return to where it belonged.

[narcissusneverknewme]

(unpopular opinion, I know, but) swords and knives made it a much better movie than sex would have. I get it if you disagree but it was pitch-perfect to me

[ozzgin]

The Mean Girl Bully Reader x Nerd Loser Yandere story sparked another red flag reader idea I had 😈

Imagine a Bratty Female Reader x Well Mannered Wealthy Male Yandere. Unlike our favorite monster whore gal, and two-faced bully, this new reader insert is super vocal about her distaste in just about everything. Hardly anything is up to her “standards.” She not only complains, but whines too! 🥳

Then her poor beau weirdly loves her despite her horrid personality. I don’t know how, I’ll leave that part of imagining up to you, but there’s my request 🥺

I just like morally grey or blatant antagonistic readers. A lot of times, it’s more fun if the reader is attractive this way to a yandere, than having stereotypical good traits, like being compassionate or respectful 😔

So please, a Bratty Female Reader x Well Mannered Wealthy Male Yandere?

-👘

I was wondering if I should just incorporate this into the Yandere CEO draft I have, but I had this sudden idea for a downright shameless relationship between a beloved, well-respected politician and a perverted, needy brat of a Darling. (I don't like politicians but alas, I needed a high-stakes public profession for this)

Yandere! Politician x Bratty! Reader

Mr. Politician is a true rarity in his field of work: well-mannered, articulate, and most importantly, genuine in his dedication. He works tirelessly for change and improvement, earning the adoration of the people. There's only one exception to his loyalty: no country ever comes before his Darling. And what a demanding Darling you are...

Content: female reader, older yandere, NSFW, some exhibitionism

Many would describe their interactions with Mr. Politician as follows: he's disciplined, confident and resourceful. A natural born leader, you can tell within seconds of meeting him that he is a man to rely on. He's spent many years in the game, and nothing can shake him out of his signature calmness. He keeps everything in pristine order, and nothing escapes his scrutiny.

There is, however, one quirk only few select people know about. A detail no one dares to discuss. It is common knowledge that Mr. Politician has a partner, yet the particularities of it are kept private. His beloved is a much younger girl, rotten to the core. It is unclear how this pairing came to be; the day Mr. Politician won his place in his prestigious office, he showed up with the mysterious feminine figure at his side.

What's certain and obvious to all witnesses is that his vocabulary quickly discards any meaning of refusal whenever he's dealing with you. It almost feels like the man worships you. He's never alluded to being religious, most likely because that role's been taken already. His eyes soften whenever directed at you, gleaming with raw adoration.

Splurging on expensive things is a given. Money has never been an issue for someone of his status. In fact, it's a handy and convenient tool he frequently uses to dampen the damage of your tantrums.

"Disgusting", you spit between your teeth, pushing the plate away and crossing your arms. The renowned chef of the Michelin star restaurant can only stare in horror before Mr. Politician intervenes with a chuckle. "Not feeling it today, huh?", he coos at you with loving strokes. "May I ask that you bring everything else from the menu?" he says in a sterner voice to the employee. "E-everything, Sir?" the waitstaff questions. "Well, naturally. I can't let my Darling starve."

"I'm bored. Let's leave now", you mention bluntly, standing in front of the heavily ornate table with a huff. "Are you sure, Darling? It's an important meeting for the country", Mr. Politician tries to plead. Around him, the other men sit baffled, observing the outrageous exchange. "Now!" you conclude louder. Before anyone can protest, your boyfriend stands up obediently and reaches out for your hand. "Then allow me to guide you, love."

A paradox. His earnest work is put to a halt if you require anything from him. Somehow, he has until now managed to juggle the two with little effort, and to his credit, there have been many instances requiring nerves of steel. Such as you paying him an unannounced visit to the office, and disliking the fact he was unavailable due to a meeting. So, you marched over to the window and promptly flashed your chest against the glass. Everyone else was focused on the opposing whiteboard; he was the only one who immediately noticed your arrival. "As you can see, the expected result is irresistible", he continued with a professional smile, tapping the graph with a marker.

Everyone knows Mr. Politician is fervently devoted to his principles. Take his last public speech, for example. Knuckles white from gripping the podium, he'd nearly choked during an eloquent -but passionate - conclusion. His face was red, his jaw tightened. He needed a moment to recollect himself, and the public waited with bated breaths, visibly emotional. Of course, they couldn't tell the outrageous truth: that you were shamelessly kneeling at his feet, pumping and teasing his erection until, at last, he let go all over your face.

"I wanted to see if you'd stumble on your words", you explain afterwards, wiping the sticky liquid off with a damp cloth. "That would've been unpleasant", he responds with a shiver. "It was live on national television."

He does not seem too bothered by the potential risk of being caught. Truly, his nonchalance knows no bounds when it comes to you. Or perhaps it is part of the charm. There's something quite depraved yet tempting about this perpetual contrast.

To return your daring favor, he gently places you onto his desk and spreads your legs, leaving trails of kisses along the inner surface of your thigh. A quick glance down confirms his suspicions: your bare bottom lays on top of confidential, rather important documents he dutifully signed hours ago. How thrilling of a feeling! He already smiles in anticipation, picturing himself as he hands over the folder to the oblivious party. He's not breaking any rules, now, is he? Nowhere in the book of etiquette does it state you mustn't fuck your beloved on top of official papers.

You gaze at the disheveled face underneath you. "One day I'll get you in trouble", you blurt out between whines. "Me? Oh, Darling. You know I always have everything under control." He lifts himself up and gives you a quick, desperate kiss. "Including you."

[inaconstantstateofchange]

Who Builds Theseus' Ship?

This ties in to a greater discussion about Larian's changes to the game post-Full Release, and whether you consider those changes to be a good thing or a bad thing. Personally speaking, the quality-of-life and gameplay mechanics improvements were appreciated, while the direct changes to characters and especially characterization were not so much.

In such discussions, I often see people downplaying the actual changes to characterization that have been made thus far as "minor" things, but I often see one of the most glaring examples of a characterization change left out, because so many people aren't even aware of it ever happening:

Halsin.

For those who don't know, if you were romancing Halsin at the time of the original full release, and for almost four months afterward, if you took him with you to Act 3's orgy scene in Sharess's Caress, he would open up about a situation in his distant past. He would tell you about how he had briefly been "something between guest, prisoner, and consort" in a drow House, and been kept there for three years before escaping.

He stated that this was something that happened "a long time ago", when he was "a foolhardy young druid", which would mean it would likely have been between ages 100 and 245 — or at minimum 105 years ago, and at (likely) maximum 250 years ago. He closed the discussion with a line that really struck me, and that gave me such an appreciation for his character, and for the writers who had created it:

The passage of time has a strange way of polishing even the most arduous of memories into precious keepsakes.

As someone in their late-20s, with a number of traumatic events in my past, this resonated so much both with my experience of those events – once harrowing and haunting, now just simple happenings that do not affect me the way they once did – and as an inspirational message, that hurt would not necessarily linger forever.

Not only that, I really valued the insight it gave into Halsin's personality, further showing him to be someone who was deeply complex and meditative, always looking for meaning and something to take away or learn from any experience. It also served to showcase the likely reality of the relationship elves and druids both would have to the concepts of time and memory. (Another example of this is the experience of Shadowheart's father compared to her mother at the hands of the Sharrans.)

I started playing the game almost immediately upon its release in August, and was intrigued by Halsin from the start. He was someone who was kind and heartfelt, but also very settled in himself and with a simultaneously rigid and very flexible moral code. It was that complexity that drew me to him, and I appreciated the inclusion of a character distinct from the Origin companions, all at close to the lowest point of their lives.

It was to my surprise to find that this appreciation for his character and perspective on his Act 3 revelation was not unanimous. As it turned out, there was a vocal group of people claiming that this writing was problematic, and that Halsin clearly didn't even realize he was actually traumatized, and that Larian needed to fix it. Not everyone joining in with this crusade had even played the game.

And, ultimately, in a pattern they have continued to follow, Larian responded. They fixed it. At the end of November, as part of Patch 5, they uploaded an edited version of the scene with new dialogue, where the player could express this "reality" to Halsin, in one of the most gallingly patronizing statements I've ever seen.

Sounds traumatic. You may need to reflect on that.

(If someone said this to me after I had opened up to them about my trauma and my experience of it to them, we would not be maintaining a cordial relationship afterward.)

Halsin's new response to these dialogue options is a cringing, self-deprecating cascade of how the player is of course right, and he should have known better, and time could "prove to be a trickster on one's recollections" and that perhaps he had "lost perspective".

Quite frankly, it is a completely different character answering, and an almost directly opposing overall message about the role of time in healing, and the path forward when it comes to trauma. No more "one day these events will not hurt to recall the way they do now". In its stead: "only healing that looks a specific way and follows a specific path is acceptable - anything else and you are simply a poor fool lying to yourself."

The following quote is from a comment left on a video of Halsin's original dialogue in that scene, before the changes, and is just one example of how much that representation meant to more than just me to see:

That said, Halsin is trauma recovery goals for me absolutely. Being able to remember without actually being triggered? Being able to fully and freely engage HOW ID LIKE TO instead of being fettered by trauma responses? Goals. I don’t know if I’ll ever get there 100%, we don’t get elven lifetimes irl, but his level of healing brings me hope.

Ultimately, this post is not meant to argue that you should agree with me that one is better than the other. More so, I want to highlight that this existed — for many people, this was their experience of events and characters, and that is not so easily redacted. And I also want to just state, for the record, that Larian's way of approaching narrative and characterization changes to their full-release game has been incredibly frustrating. I did not agree, in August, to play an Early Access game with the inherent understanding that any potential narrative aspect might change at any time. I purchased a full-release game, and immersed myself in the story and the characters, to get to know them as the writers had originally presented.

And when Larian makes these changes based on fan feedback, they are explicitly making decisions about which fans matter, and specifically, which fans matter most. Rather than allowing everyone to experience the story they decided to tell, and draw from it what they take away, and let that spark discussion and engagement, they made the decision to defer to some fans over others, and prioritize their experience of the narrative — something that, no matter how well-intended, is always going to leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

[mizading]

Breaking Up With JJK Men

Characters: Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Kento Nanami. 

Warnings: Unhealthy relationships, obsessiveness, mentions of death, begging, threatening, stalking, paranoia, etc. 

Synopsis: How these JJK men react to you attempting to leave.

Satoru Gojo:

The type to beg

Gojo would immediately break down. He can’t bear you leaving; he’s lost too much already.

Something about Geto walking out of his life prior makes Gojo unhealthily attached and dependent on you. You’re Gojo’s safe place; he can’t lose you, no matter what.

Before you can say another word, he’s on his knees at your feet, holding onto your legs as tight as he possibly can. Gojo will refuse to let go unless you agree to stay with him.

He’s a crying mess, tears soaking your legs, hair disheveled as he sobs uncontrollably. As much as Gojo wants to control his emotions, he simply can’t.

If you still don’t give in, He’ll cup your face, forcing you to look in his direction to “see what you did to him”. Gojo tries to win you back the only way he knows how, by begging and making you feel absolutely awful for what you caused.

Before you know it, he’s wrapping his large frame around you, keeping you trapped in his tight embrace. If Gojo has to keep you with him using force, then he’ll go there in a heartbeat. 

He apologizes for his excessive touch, but he needed to feel you in some way to help soothe himself. Gojo was practically having a panic attack before your eyes.

As Gojo locks you in his embrace, he can’t help but express how much he needs you. Gojo doesn’t know how he’ll manage without you; is there any point to life with you gone? Regardless of what you think, Gojo truly needs you.

Your heart breaks seeing him in this state—body shaking, eyes dull, and choking on his own sobs. Did you really have the heart to leave him? Seeing the strongest man alive behave in such a way over you leaving affected you mentally.

If you decide to stay, it’ll take a long time to improve his state. He needs to be 100% sure that you won't change your mind or leave when he’s off guard. Gojo becomes annoyingly attached to you physically; he cannot keep his hands to himself.

Gojo will slowly but surely get better. He’s still quite clingy weeks after the event, but he seems to be in the right headspace for the most part.

In the end, he’s just relieved to have his baby with him.

Suguru Geto:

The type to threaten

Geto’s first instinct is to laugh. He’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that you’re only joking with him. When he finds out that you’re being serious, his entire demeanor changes.

Everything quickly turns bitter. Are you really going to leave after everything that he’s done for you? Geto finds it comical.

One thing that Geto will make clear is that you won't be leaving. He can’t seem to accept it, so it won’t happen.

The way that his dark, haunting eyes bore into your soul makes you immediately rethink your decision. How could such a warm and comforting face turn so dull and haunting?

Geto will blankly stare into your eyes silently, allowing you to change your mind before things get worse.

You’ll suddenly be pulled into his lap, harsh enough for you to notice his slight hostility but soft enough for you to not say anything.

“You don’t want to find out what I'll do to myself if you leave, right?” His words made you nauseous almost instantly. Geto spoke in a soft, comforting voice, but his words were sick.

He would caress your hair, occasionally pressing soft kisses to your temple, allowing his words to sink into your pretty little head. “I’m sure that you wouldn’t want to be the one to blame if I went through with anything precious”.

It was all sick; he was doing it on purpose. You knew that Geto struggled with his purpose of living, but you never knew that he would go to this level.

You couldn’t fathom the thought of not having Geto in this world; you still loved him even if you wanted to separate from him. You agreed to stay for the sake of keeping Geto alive.

Geto reverts back to his usual gentle self almost immediately when you tell him that you’ll stay. It was scary how rapidly he could change. Geto knew this, and he used it to his advantage.

Even if you planned to go through with leaving, he wouldn’t have let you. You’re his main purpose for living; Geto can’t lose that.

Kento Nanami:

The type to stalk

Nanami would spend a bit of time asking you to reconsider, but if you want to leave, he’ll let you go.

A few tears will be shed, but not much. Nanami doesn’t waste too much time begging because he knows that you’ll ultimately end up doing what you want.

Before you leave, Nanami will ask you for at least a hug and a kiss. As heartless as Nanami seems, he loves you to bits and pieces.

Nanami didn’t plan on stalking you; it just happened. He started by simply driving to your house to give him peace of mind, then peeking through your windows late at night.

A few weeks after the breakup, you take notice of an unfaltering feeling that someone is watching you. There wasn’t necessarily anything out of place; you just felt it. You couldn’t tell if it was because you were alone now or if someone was actually watching you.

Once you finally let the feeling go, everything gets worse. It starts with flowers at your doorsteps daily. You couldn't help but shake the feeling that Nanami might have been the one doing it.

It all escalated to feeling followed every time you left the house. You couldn’t help but notice someone's presence every now and then when you were about your day. You started to leave the house less and less because of it.

Nanami feels guilty for following you around, but he can't help it. Nanami can't bear the thought of something happening to you when he’s not there to protect you. His only resort is to secretly keep an eye on you as much as he can.

Everything was unbearable. Ever since the breakup, you have felt terribly paranoid and scared. You sit up at night sometimes thinking about how safe you would be if you had only stayed with Nanami.

You attempt to continue on with your life, but none of it ends. Your paranoia was consuming you whole. Thoughts of just running back to Nanami were becoming excruciatingly loud. Who else would protect you?

You tried desperately to continue on without him, but the truth is that you couldn’t. Not before long, you found yourself at his door once again. Regardless of whether he was stalking you or not, you just wanted it all to end.

Nanami would happily welcome you back with open arms. His desperation for you led to him doing things that he never thought he would do.

Nanami puts your mind at ease when you explain what you went through after leaving. He made sure to make you feel like he could protect you from absolutely everything in this world, which is why you came back.

Nanami can’t help but have some type of guilt in the back of his mind because of what he did to you. At least he has his baby back in his arms.

[frownyalfred]

going off of all the miserable calorie counting lifestyle/relationship with food demanded by being Batman, I feel like Dick as an adult has the closest eating style bc his acrobatics and physique also take a lot of specific work? But my main thing I'm thinking abt is where if Damian eventually becomes Batman. Would it be a gradaul shift to that kind of diet over his teen years, is he able to improve upon it, is there this kind of parental sadness on Bruce's end at seeing your child eventually grow to have the same relationship with/use of food?

As someone from a food restrictive upbringing I can't see Bruce as someone who is an 'almond mom's either. I just find the concept rlly interesting

Yeah. Dick’s diet is equally restrictive and awful but in the opposite direction. Maintaining that level of leanness is so freaking hard. Doing a pull up with five extra pounds can be the difference between 10 reps and 15 reps. Imagine how much acrobatic work he needs to dial in on to be that limber and fast. Insanity.

I hope Bruce doesn’t encourage Damian to follow in his footsteps. I think he’d be horrified to see any of his kids eat and train the way he does. It’s his Mission, his body, his suffering. And I think he wants them to be effective vigilantes but not…like that.

But does seeing that kind of behavior modeled for you change how you act? Absolutely.

[lovewitchtarot]

general tarot reading

this is a very random reading there's no rhyme or reason to it its just what came up for me when I pulled cards for all the piles some of it is love and relationships and some of it is work and school

Disclaimer: This is a collective reading; take what resonates, leave what doesn't. Never use tarot readings for medical or legal advice, and for the sake of legality, don't act on anything that could potentially hurt you or others because of a tarot reading. Don't take this reading or any others too seriously. Remember, this is for the collective, not just one person.

Pile one

Don't be afraid to embrace who you are; do what makes you happy without fear of what other people may think or say. Engage in hobbies and things that really make you happy. Now would be a good time to explore your shadow self as well, do shadow work, and dig deep into who you are as a person. Self-acceptance is really important for you. Now would be a good time to channel your creativity into a new hobby or project. Try new things with the thought of progress and self-exploration instead of fear of failure. Try to be more fact-based, although it can be hard to get out of your head. Remember to think logically and take other people's thoughts and feelings into perspective before you act or make a decision. Don't think so quickly; take time to understand before you do things. Be kind to yourself; don't let life knock you down. Even when times get tough, remember to be kind to your heart and your soul. Nourish yourself with self-care and self-love. If you are having a hard time in love, remember the saying “don't chase butterflies; instead, build a beautiful garden and wait for the butterflies to come to you. If the butterflies don't come, then you still have a beautiful garden.” Self-love and self-improvement are so important. Even if you aren't going through anything tough, remember to love yourself and treat yourself with kindness. It is time to take a journey that could be school- or work-based, but you are ready for a big change—a positive one. Be prepared to receive a spiritual gift. This gift is going to be vast and incredible. You are going to gain great success and wisdom, or you may already have it, but with this success and wisdom, you are going to become a great leader. You are about to come into a very memorable and incredible time in your life. I'm seeing a new school, maybe college, or a new job. This is the time of your life to make memories and just “go for it." . I'm hearing “you only live once” to describe this energy. You also need to accept the past; you need to learn to trust again; and you need to let go of this stagnant energy. Also, remember that it's okay to make mistakes; it's how we learn, so don't hold onto your past mistakes. Don't forget to balance your professional life and your personal life; keep them separate and balanced. Don't forget to use your intuition. Don't be afraid to live your truth as yourself and wear it with pride. I see a counterpart coming into your life; this could be a friend or a spouse. This person could already be in your life, but this is a divine counterpart. You two are harmonious together, and you have or will have a beautiful relationship, whether it is platonic or romantic. 

Pile two

You are a very talented person. You may not have found your talent, but once you do, you can expect to be able to make a career from it. The career you end up pursuing will be very fun for you, and you'll love work. If you are currently working and you don't feel this way, then don't expect this to be your permanent job. There is about to be a choice or decision that sets a lot of change into motion. This is a positive change that you will greatly benefit from. Again,  this could be a new job throughout this change. Be flexible and go with what life brings, as it's inevitable to fight. Don't be afraid to direct it, though you still have control in many aspects. I see you standing up, maybe for your beliefs or rights. I see you fighting for what's right. I see you stepping into your spirituality; you are a naturally spiritual persona, and I see you learning to channel it into your practices. You may just be starting out on your spiritual journey, or you may have been on it for a while, and you're just now getting ready to level up. Remember to balance spirituality with your everyday life. Stay grounded and don't live in your third-eye energy so much. Remember to stay spiritually protected and cleansed; physically cleansing your space is a great way to invite positive energy in and expel negative energy from your life. If you're going through a slump, try to clean your space both physically and spiritually. Also, indulge in self-care, replenish your soul, and see how things positively change around you. It's time to step into your healing energy and take time to heal from the inside out. Eat more warm foods, as comfort is really being prioritized right now, but don't only feed your body; also feed your soul. Someone is currently thinking of you as a friend, but I see more of a love interest, and I see that this particular relationship is about to level up significantly. Don't neglect your friendships with your partner. Remember that all of your relationships, romantic and platonic, are equally important, so make time for friends and family as well. Be on the lookout for manifestations, as they are about to appear in front of you. This could be a manifestation that has been long in progress, so be prepared for that. There are going to be temptations in your path, but stay focused and patient, as the right outcome for you will soon appear and you will be triumphant. You are really stepping into your spirituality, and it is going to do great things for you. I'm seeing a romantic partner coming, though. Try to pamper yourself, even if you find it hard; it is extremely important. 

pile three

You are going to be traveling soon and setting out on new adventures. You are going to have a completely fresh start as well. This could mean that you are moving or just going on a trip. I see you studying abroad as well. Cycles are going to come to an end. This could also mean graduating either from school or a work position (moving up in the company or to an entirely new job). You will be making a new romantic connection or strengthening an old one. This person is very romantic and sensual. This relationship is going to be or is absolutely wonderful and fulfilling. However, don't overly push things; they will happen when the time comes, and make sure each person is putting in equal amounts of effort and contributing their share. Overcome any fears you may have, as they are holding you back from your full potential. Trust your intuition when it comes to finding out the truth about situations and other people. Don't be afraid to dig deep into things to learn the full truth about them. Keep up your spirits if things go wrong. Don't turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms; ground yourself and try yoga or meditation. You are soon to be recognized for your hard work; this could also include receiving a reward. Remain faithful and loyal to your friends and other relationships, as it is very important. If you need support and encouragement, don't be afraid to seek it out, but also don't be scared to give it in return, as it is the best gift to give someone. Make sure to stay protected both spiritually and physically, but mainly physically. If you end up traveling, be sure to be safe on your adventures. Now would be a good time to dive into your creative side and try different types of art, as I can see you really benefiting from it. Mass abundance is coming your way. This could be physical things or it could be more sentimental things, such as friends or memories. Don't be scared to speak up for what's right. I can see you stepping into a motherly energy that can apply to anyone, whether you want kids or not. You can be motherly to your plants or animals, even just your friends and family.

[icyg4l]

PAC: How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Mother Figure

Hello beautiful people. Today is Mother’s Day and I want to wish all of the mothers out there a Happy Mother’s Day. Whether your mother is alive, dead or far away, I want to dedicate this reading to those who wish to have better relationships with their mothers. You don’t have to have a strained relationship with your mother to relate to this topic. You could simply just want to keep the bond that you have already. And lastly, I want to dedicate this Mother’s Day to the mothers in Haiti, Congo, Palestine, Sudan, Tigray and unfortunately many more. If you have any crowdfunding links that need to be boosted/donated to regarding mothers/families in these countries, please do not hesitate to direct me to them. Without further ado, please select the photo that resonates with you.

Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (Pile 1-6)

Pile One: I feel like this pile has a close relationship with their mother overall. You seem to be at peace with where you are with her, but things could get even better. I feel like something that could help you and your mother get along even more is helping her around the house. She likes for the floors to be swept and mopped, towels to be folded, dishes to be washed. Your mother may be a neat freak but it’s nothing that can’t be taken care of. I also feel like buying your mother things that she would use on a daily basis could be something that improves your relationship. For example, if your mother really likes makeup, get her a lip gloss set. If she likes flowers, buy her a vase and some flowers so that she can smell the roses. It’s the thought that counts. And lastly, I feel like making your mom look good is going to improve your relationship. Not only does being a good representation of her name make her look good, but actually adding onto her beauty will strengthen your relationship. If you’re into makeup, do your mom’s makeup. If you’re into hair, do her hair. If she wants a new pair of shoes, get her that pair of shoes. This is only if you’re able to though. Don’t break the bank trying to please your mama. 

If your mother is not here on this Earth, then please go all out with her grave. She wants you to decorate her grave/headstone with flowers. Clean the headstone. Wear her necklaces, bracelets and adornments. She wants you to talk about her highly. She wants you to not forget where you came from. You are wise and positive, so please continue to do what you do. Just because she is gone does not mean anything should change. She wants you to listen to your gut. If you have a little sibling, please don’t let them do anything stupid even though they can be prideful. I feel like she’s very big on morals and discipline so don’t think she isn’t clocking you from the afterlife because she is. Lastly, please speak of yourself highly. You have half of her genes and she does not appreciate it when you disrespect the physical features that you two share. Have some respect for those who have come before you. 

Cards Used: Queen of Cups, Justice, The Star, 6 of Wands, The Magician, Ace of Discs.

extras: joanne the scammer. 2016 era of youtube. mother-daughter days. only child. donuts.

Pile Two: I feel like you all have a tumultuous relationship with your mother. It feels like you’re a rebel and you do not like to follow the rules. You and your mother could never see eye-to-eye once you turned a certain age. Perhaps, it was around age 12? I feel like you and your mother need to consider counseling. It would help a lot to have a mediator with the two of you. This energy is like an episode of Maury or Steve Wilkos. I think that you may be LGBTQ+ as well. Your mother may not completely accept this part of you. Now usually, I am against the whole “They’re from a different time stance” but your mom feels out of reach to you. I am literally seeing two people on opposite sides of a grassy land. One person is reaching for the other but the other person is minding their business. She wants to understand you but her bossiness can get in the way. I say to just be patient with her. I feel like one thing that you can do is invite her to a place that you frequent often for fun just so she can get a taste of what you do everyday. I am channeling this movie called ‘The Aggressives’. One of the mascs’ mother was so convinced that she would end up with a man but that obviously wasn’t the case. By the end, she just ended up accepting her daughter for who she is. You two are definitely on opposite sides of the spectrum. I feel like another thing that you could do is play video games with her, which is weird? This can help build teamwork amongst you two, thus forming a better bond in the end. 

If your mother is deceased, I feel like you should be taking more risks. Stop giving a fuck about the rules and just live your life. There is nothing wrong with changing up your routine. Your mother could have been a rebel or even someone who led a revolution. Your mother wants you to walk away from what you once knew. Deep inside, you are someone who is capable of making great changes just as she did. I feel like your mother just wants you to embrace the inner youth inside of you. You’re too rigid. It’s affecting the way that you live. You have too much couth. It’s okay to play and let loose a little bit. She will still love you just the same as she did when she was alive if you change. Overall, embrace change babe! Dye your hair a different color. Take a spontaneous trip. Go to that concert. Please just do something! Get out of freeze mode!

Cards Used: The Fool, 6 of Swords, The Hermit (RX), 5 of Swords, Queen of Swords, 7 of Discs, Wheel of Fortune, The Hierophant (RX).

extras:  minor headaches. igor (2019). odd future fan. beast. the bear (2022). absent father.

Pile Three: I feel like you have this certain image of your mother in your head. You think that she is perfect but she is not, my dear. There are certain things that she has been through/experienced that she hasn’t even told you about. You do not know her the way you think you do. She has stories for days. She is not an angel. I feel like you need to get to know your mother. She is an interesting character. Ask her about her life story. Ask her about the experiences that have shaped her into the woman that she is today. You need to take her off of the pedestal that you have put her on. Take a step into reality, boo. I think that doing stuff like going out by the water or going fishing will help you guys bond to understand each other better. Yes, she used to change your diapers but if someone walked up to you and asked what your mother figure’s favorite color was, would you be able to answer it? It’s time to change that. I feel like traveling with your mother, whether it’s a road trip or by plane will help as well. I am channeling the movie Tammy (2014) with Melissa McCarthy. I recommend you watch this movie. Don’t underestimate your mother anymore!

If your mother is deceased, I feel like she wants you to know that she looks back on memories between the two of you fondly. I think she may have passed when you were too young to remember or it was before you hit puberty. You should ask the people who knew her best about what she was like, how she felt about motherhood, how she felt about you, etc. She does not regret anything in her lifetime. That says a lot about how she lived her life. If you have access to these, find any diaries, photos, old clothes, etc and put them in a place where no one can find them. If you find some old clothes, wear them and don’t let anyone else do that. Your mother wants you to be on the straight and narrow path though. Even though you may not know her like the back of your hand, she’s been watching you grow into the person that you are today from a place that you cannot see. But she will not judge if you stray away from this path, she understands what it’s like to be young and dumb. Overall, your mother just wants what is best for you.

Cards Used: 6 of Swords, Temperance, 3 of Wands, 7 of Swords (RX), King of Cups.

extras: beaver. morehouse college. air out your grievances. gummy bear song. sepia filter.

Pile Four: Stop hanging out with your significant other so much! You need to learn how to balance between familial obligations and romantic obligations. I feel like this is really the only thing that is getting in between you and your mother’s relationship. I feel like this pile listens to Jhene Aiko a lot. I am channeling Never Call Me. I think your mom would show up to your s/o’s house unannounced with a bunch of people behind her if you don’t keep in contact with her regularly. She does not play about you at all. It’s not really an overbearing thing. I think she just doesn’t want you to go down the path that she went down with your father. So speak up or face the consequences, love. I also think that you should hear her out when it comes to certain advice especially if it has something to do with a car. Maybe you let your s/o borrow your car too much or you let your car battery almost die or something? In this case, mother knows best. She’s not a chip on your shoulder. Just listen!

If your mother is deceased, I feel like she may have died around the same time as your father figure. She also could have died at the same time as your father figure. Your father could have been the reason she died. She wants you to be independent. Learn how to change your own tires. Take up some gym classes/self-defense classes. Don’t be willfully clueless. She also wants you to not be anyone’s ride or die. This may be the reason why she passed away. I feel like you’ve heard countless versions of how your mother chose to live her life, it isn’t completely true. Don’t believe the hype. One day, you will come across the full story. Definitely be single until you are ready to marry. Your mother could have been rushed to marry. She does not want to see you get taken advantage of like she was. Don’t hesitate to dedicate an altar to her. She wants to talk to you. She may have even popped up in your dreams before. 

Cards Used: 6 of Discs (RX), Ace of Swords, 2 of Wands, The High Priestess, The Devil, Two of Cups, Queen of Wands.

extras: gang culture. setup. grooming. pirates. shoddy apartment. purple bandana.

Pile Five: Have you ever considered getting plastic surgery so that you would look different from your mother? I am specifically getting an eyelift, nose job, butt implants, etc. I am channeling the energy of Blac Chyna and Tokyo Toni. I think that you and your mom have a toxic relationship. One day you’re good. The next day you’re fighting to be heard by her. You two could have physically fought before. What I am hearing is “Everyone has a story”. I feel like your guides want you to take into consideration her backstory. Get a little psychological here. Why does she act the way that she acts? Was she abandoned as a child? How does this play into how she treats you now? I am seeing a therapist writing in their notebook as we speak. I feel like she operates out of a lack mindset and you have outgrown that. I think that there was some type of falling out between her and your father figure. Maybe she was the side chick? Maybe she was taken advantage of at a young age? Maybe it was both. Honestly, this pile is very different from the others. You are being asked to pour into yourself. You need to put your foot down and let her know that you will be choosing the higher road. She will respect you more if you do that. I also think that you just simply need to start taking more time for yourself. You do not exist to be your mother’s punching bag. You are a human being. This pile is very different. You need to protect your peace babe.

If your mother is deceased, I feel like you guys could have argued before she died. I think that she was warning you about a particular behavior. Maybe she was telling you not to follow in your father’s footsteps and you chose not to listen. Maybe you snuck off somewhere you weren’t supposed to? Your mother did not want to control you. She just had some feelings about the choices you were making. But you make the bed that you lay in so there’s nothing that she could have done about it. I feel like you need to forgive yourself. Free yourself of the burden of your mother’s death. You cannot control fate. You need to learn how to accept certain circumstances for what they are. You can change the present moment and make things right today! It’s all about what you choose to do. No matter what though, your mother still has love for you. She forgave you a long time ago, almost as soon as she transitioned. It’s time for you to make peace with yourself, love. Take control of your future and accountability for your actions (or lack thereof). 

Cards Used: The Emperor, 9 of Cups, Prince of Discs, The Moon, 5 of Wands, Ace of Cups, 7 of Swords, Judgment, The High Priestess. 

extras:  living vicariously. narcissist. getting high. sobbing uncontrollably. asthma attack. ambush.

Pile Six: You are not a child anymore, Pile Six. Your mother is willing to talk to you about uncomfortable topics now. You’re an adult. Treat yourself as such. I think that drinking wine with your mother and having a conversation will help you guys get along better. Day drinking, wine tasting, etc will help you guys bond in a more mature way. I feel like you and your mom could be friends if you were not mother and child. You have to see the world through an adult’s eyes now. I feel like gossiping with your mom can be beneficial for your relationship, especially if it’s about old family tea. You can be in the know now, lol. I also think that paying for dinner/lunch could be a great way to prove your maturity. Honestly, your mom just wants you to grow up. You’re there but not quite. Be the butterfly that you’re meant to be. Lowkey, you might want to start saving to move out. She’s not going to kick you out or anything but you’re going to start feeling differently about the environment that you’re in. 

If your mother is deceased, please keep her updated on the latest family/friend drama lol. I feel like your mother may have had a boyfriend before she passed. I don’t know if he moved on or not but she approves of the lady he’s with now. Your mother could have had problems with conceiving/conceived at a young age. This plays into why she treated you like gold. You guys could have acted more like siblings rather than mother and child. It’s also possible that your mother could have passed at a young age (you could actually be older than your mother right now). Whatever the case may be, I feel like she wants you to finish the path that she was set to be on. Continue to honor her legacy. She could have been on the way to pursuing a degree, you should do the same but actually complete the journey. I am channeling the energy of Whitney Houston. Your mother is very animated to be honest. She wants you to embrace that energy/side of yourself. It’s in you, lol. And lastly, don’t try to hide being your mother’s child. You don’t have to be exactly like her but you are her partially. You are your own person but you just so happen to take after her mannerisms, looks, etc lol. There is nothing wrong with that. Don’t fight it. 

Cards Used: Queen of Discs, The Sun, 6 of Cups (RX), Princess of Discs (RX), 3 of Cups, The Lovers.

extras:  esperanza/hope. j. cole. popeye spinach. t-boz. slow jamz. 2004-2005. senior in college.

[pixeltwix]

-Fiddleford Missing His Family-

To me, one of the most heartbreaking details of Gravity Falls is just..everything McGucket related, but specifically him before he starts even getting his family back after Weirdmageddon

Because he spent the entire series and probably the last thirty years trying to recreate his family

It speaks volumes to me that despite a shunning son and a divorce on his pallet, and zero memory or how any of this even happened, that he’s desperately trying to recreate a life he doesn’t even remember but knows he at least had at one point and wants again

Obviously we know he did have a wife and son, hell he’s introduced as a father first and foremost in the story and I think most people forget that, but through and through he is inherently a family man

I myself struggle to understand this mindset, and most do as well, but some people genuinely want to have a family. Like that’s genuinely their dream and their goal in life alongside their occupational dreams, and Fiddleford completely comes off as that kinda guy. I think he just struggled to balance himself thinking he couldn’t do fifty fifty and instead put one hundred percent into things separately and fell short in both categories here and there

Regardless, we know Tate, and even though season one never planned on making McGucket anything other than a comedic side character we know that changed with season two in the shows new direction

All that really does is complicate things for why Tate is here. Obviously we can fill in the blanks with the lore later given last minute, maybe he wanted to see if his father was actually up in Gravity Falls, maybe he wanted to see if he could get through to him and it ‘wasn’t as bad’ as what he had heard or assumed, but that’s not relevant in this post at the moment

What I’m focusing on instead is the fact that just because Fiddleford can’t bridge the gap and connect with his actual son, because he has zero clue what it is he’s done, it doesn’t stop him from being in the community and playing roles that a ‘normal father’ would be doing for his kids

Ie reading town history to local kids (even if he just wound up eating the books after) it’s usually still an important thing parents tend to want to do with their kids (the teaching aspect)

Being there as a chaperone on a first date (I know it’s not the first for Gideon & Mabel, but the point is still there) as most ‘normal’ parents want to be active in their kids lives and make sure they’re being safe, & making good choices in the world

Being at the Sev’Ral Times concert (later seen crowd surfing, which honestly still cracks me up) but nevertheless he shows up out of the blue to be vocally supportive of the girls excitement for the concert and their plans

Yknow, as a parent ought to be when taking their kid to their favorite bands concert

Annnd then of course, far less subtle to anything else mentioned before regarding an image to general parenthood, we have raccoon wife

Again, there’s nothing subtle about this, it’s raccoon wife and it is bizarre that no one in town questions this. “Crazy local coot thinks he’s married to a raccoon? Yeah, makes sense.” (Though tbf there’s a local man married to a woodpecker, so ig it’s whatever for everyone)

Again x2 I’m not sure what to add on here because it feels pretty blatant what bro is shooting for mental wise here, it just makes me wonder wHAt about a raccoon reminds him of Emma May?

Maybe it’s just the pale round face, dark eyes, and brown hair that makes it click in his head

Regardless I still think it’s sweet that even when he’s gotten some recollection of himself back he’s still concerned for the raccoons in the apocalypse

Anywho, call me an emotional loser if you want, but the concept of this old man wanting his family back for some thirty odd years and not knowing how to get them back so he substitutes it with other things is horribly depressing

I can at least rest easy knowing his relationship with Tate has improved after Weirdmageddon :)

[gatheringbones]

[“While my own associations to the word “conservative” are not great ones, this word best describes my attitude toward personal change. Just as we strive for change, we also strive to conserve what is most valuable and familiar in our selves. And in a society where we are constantly being pressured to improve, actualize, and perfect our selves, it is probably wise to question why we should change at all and who is prescribing the changes. Often we wish to get rid of some part of our selves—as we would an inflamed appendix—without recognizing the positive aspects of a particular “negative” trait or behavior. Few things are “all good” or “all bad.”

I recall a meeting of my women’s group many years back when we had a little too much to drink and went around the circle sharing what we liked the very best and the very least about each other. Interestingly, what was labeled “the best” and “the worst” for each person turned out to be one and the same, or more accurately, different variations on the same theme. If least liked was one woman’s tendency to hog the group spotlight, what was most liked was her energetic and entertaining personality. If least liked was another woman’s failure to be straightforward, direct, and spontaneous, what was most liked was her kindness, tact, and respect for the feelings of others. If another’s sense of entitlement and “Me first!” attitude pushed the group’s buttons, it was her ability to identify her own goals and “go for it” that was most admired. And so it went.

That evening I began to have a renewed appreciation for the inseparable nature of our strengths and weaknesses. Far from being opposites, they are woven from the same strands. This experience also reinforced a direction I was moving in professionally. Early on in my career as a therapist, I deemed it my job to help my patients rid themselves of certain qualities—stubbornness, silence, demandingness, oppositionalism, or any other trait or behavior that seemed to make their life (or my work) especially difficult. Or perhaps I wanted them to be closer to their fathers, more independent from their mothers, or more (or less) ambitious, self-seeking, self-disclosing, or assertive. I discovered, however, that I could be far more helpful when I was able to identify and appreciate the positive aspects of what was seemingly most negative. Paradoxically, this appreciation was what left my clients freer to get on with the business of change.”]

harriet lerner, from the dance of intimacy: a woman’s guide to courageous acts of change in key relationships

[monratarot]

How it will be the month of March 2024 for you?

Pick a card reading

Hello everyone! March is here so I guess that everyone is curios how this month will be for them. This is a simple and a short monthly guidance reading. Pick the pile that you are most drawn to and scroll down to read your monthly guidance reading for March.

Takes what resonate with you because remember that this is just a general reading and it might not apply for everyone.

Don't forget to like/reblog/comment and follow me! I would really appreciate it because it will help my blog grow!

So let's get started! Enjoy!

Moni🧚🏻‍♀️

Pile 1 ⋆☽🔮☾⋆ Pile 2 ⋆☽🔮☾⋆ Pile 3

｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ ｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ ｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:

Pile 1

✨ possible travel for work or business purposes

✨putting in the hard work and effort to achieve your goals

✨ seeking new opportunities for growth and success

✨ avoiding risky financial decisions and focusing on saving money

✨ trusting your instincts and intuition to guide you in the right direction

✨ being open to new beginnings and taking control of your path

✨ being mindful of your health and well-being

✨ ending a relationship or situation that no longer serves you

✨ feeling content with what you have accomplished

✨ embracing change and new experiences

✨ being dedicated and focused on reaching your goals

✨ being open to new projects and opportunities

✨ being prepared for a major departure or transition in your life.

Monthly affirmation - I face the adventure of life eagerly

Quote of the month - ,,A single rose can be my garden...a single friend my world"(Leo Buscaglia)

Power of love message - Transformation - You use the power of love to move through illusions and shift into awareness

Crystal of the month - Rose quartz - New or renewed romantic love is here for you

Flower of the month - Yellow rose

•───⋅⋆₊☽⛦☾₊⋆⋅───••───⋅⋆₊☽⛦☾₊⋆⋅───••───⋅⋆₊☽⛦☾⁺⋆⋅───•

Pile 2

🌼 you may be feeling overwhelmed and indecisive, but trust that clarity will come soon

🌼 stay focused on your goals and trust in your abilities

🌼 communication is key in all aspects of your life right now

🌼 you may need to be open to new opportunities and experiences

🌼 allow yourself to be vulnerable and open to receiving love and support from others

🌼 keep a positive mindset and trust that things will work out in the end

🌼 remember to take care of yourself and prioritize your own well-being

🌼 embrace change and be open to new beginnings

🌼 trust in the process and have confidence in yourself

🌼 remember that success comes from hard work and determination

🌼 seek guidance from those who care about you and trust in their advice

🌼 remain grounded and focused on your path ahead

🌼 allow yourself to be open to new connections and opportunities

🌼 overall, trust in yourself and your abilities to overcome any challenges that may come your way.

Monthly affirmation -I welcome and nurture the new in my life

Quote of the month - ,,A wise man has dignity without pride; a fool has pride without dignity."(Confucius)

Power of love message - Tolerance - You appreciate other points of view because you sense the love in everyone

Crystal of the month - Rhodochrosite- Be gentle with yourself

Flower of the month - Dahlia

•───⋅⋆₊☽⛦☾₊⋆⋅───••───⋅⋆₊☽⛦☾₊⋆⋅───••───⋅⋆₊☽⛦☾⁺⋆⋅───•

Pile 3

☀️ trust in the journey and have faith in yourself; opportunities are on the horizon, and you are capable of achieving great things

☀️ focus on self-care and nurturing your emotional well-being during this time; take time to rest and recharge

☀️ look for the beauty and joy in everyday life; practice gratitude and mindfulness to cultivate a positive mindset

☀️ seek out opportunities for personal growth and self-improvement; be open to learning and expanding your horizons

☀️ relationships with others are important, but don't forget to prioritize your relationship with yourself; self-love and self-care are essential for your overall happiness

☀️ listen to your intuition and inner wisdom; trust yourself to make the right decisions for your life

☀️ remain grounded and centered in the present moment; focus on what truly matters and let go of distractions and negativity

☀️ embrace change and transformation; be open to new possibilities and opportunities for growth

☀️ remember to be patient and compassionate with yourself and others; practice kindness and understanding in all your interactions

☀️ keep a positive mindset and believe in your own power to create the life you desire.

Monthly affirmation -I am serene and still.

Quote of the month - ,A high station in life is earned by the gallantry with which appalling experiences are survived with grace(Tennessee Williams)

Power of love message - Commitment - You dedicate yourself to your beliefs wholeheartedly, knowing that love is the essence of your very being

Crystal of the month - Rubellite- Be gentle with yourself

Flower of the month - Sweet William

[hwnglx]

another anon's request <𝟑

txt's turn on's and turn off's

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

yeonjun

turn on's > popular and well-liked > even-tempered -> doesn't get riled up or offended easily > knows their place and doesn't overstep any lines -> good manners and knows how to behave according to the situation > curious about him -> shows clear interest in him, has all their attention on him > a lot of compliments, flattering, talking about how outstanding and special he is > flirts in a very direct manner (he feels drawn to people who aren't afraid to be honest about their interest with him) > don't hate me for saying this lol but he likes people who are “worse” or less talented than him because it feeds his ego (he can get insecure when someone overtakes him at something he's extremely ambitious about)

turn off's > has an inflated ego without being able to back it up with the necessary skill (they're all talk with no substance behind it) > doesn't know how to control their energy and oversteps boundaries, offends people a lot (especially verbally) > keeps bragging about themselves and triggering his insecurities -> makes themselves look better than him, pushes his buttons and damages his ego > obsessed about controlling him or putting certain rules on him (treating him like he's supposed to subdue) > takes life too seriously, is very uptight or conservative > too cautious and scared of doing things all the time -> doesn't know how to have fun

soobin

turn on's > capable of carrying responsibilities in a graceful and easy manner -> does everything they need to do and doesn't get stressed out easily > commands attention and knows how to make people listen to them > has an exact plan for their life and takes pride in knowing what they want -> doesn't allow external forces or opinions to influence their life path > introspective and reflective about their own actions -> acts with integrity and self-awareness > rigid workaholic, truly enjoys working (he'd feel fueled to put in more effort into his own work and would get inspired and encouraged by their diligence)

turn off's > too cold and detached > too different to him (he needs some sort of alignment in values and something to bond over, otherwise he just finds it awkward and sees it as a bad match) > tbh, he finds it difficult to connect to foreigners and prefers korean people, just because he thinks they'd naturally understand his perspective and values in relationships better > doesn't feel the need to improve and just remains stuck in the same place (he thinks you can always upgrade yourself) > gets afraid of conflict and doesn't know how to assert themselves > too indecisive and has no idea what they want (keeps being influenced by others)

beomgyu

turn on's > independent and content on their own -> doesn't appear to be in need of anyone and just does their own thing without caring about others > soft and sensitive-hearted people (he likes this co-existence of being very hard-working and diligent while being a softie deep inside. also is incredibly emotional himself, so he subconsciously feels drawn to people of similar nature) > very ambitious and active in their pursuit of their goals (but isn't "in your face" about it, like they don't feel the need to show their achievements off to everyone) > carries a lot of inner strength and resilience > doesn't call everyone “friend” but deeply cares & cherishes the ones they do -> selective about who they get close to

(can i just say miss winter fits this man's type like a glove, i kept seeing her in my mind's eye and literally couldn't get her off my mind. he's still obsessed with her lol)

turn off's > doesn't care about anyone and keeps detaching themselves emotionally > doesn't have their priorities straight and keeps juggling between different people (like they have several people they're talking to, don't make things clear for any of them and keep leading everyone on. he wants to feel special!) > keeps neglecting and letting down their loved ones -> struggles with keeping a connection happy and stable > overly concerned and worried about people's perception -> obsessed about always making a good impression on everyone (like someone who takes 20 hours to doll up, keeps wanting to take pics for insta everywhere, things like that. he prefers more natural and laidback people)

taehyun

turn on's > deep thinkers and mysterious > very transformative and challenges you to change -> has a powerful effect on you (someone who makes you rethink certain opinions and lingers in your mind for a while) > has this aura of “perfection” to them -> very put together all the time (he'd feel intrigued and get curious about getting to know them beyond the facade) > turns out to be very sociable and nicer than people think (someone who has an intimidating first impression but is actually very friendly) > knows how to party and have a good time > doesn't get emotionally attached to people much -> is more casual and laid back about their connections

turn off's > too obsessed about their own goals with no consideration for anyone else > extremely stubborn and fixed in their ways -> inable to relax and just allow things to flow > literally a virgo mars (their need to constantly plan everything to a T would drive him crazy) > keeps criticising him and is never satisfied with anything > but also isn't direct or honest with him and avoids confrontation (he can mostly tell when someone pretends to be pleased when they truly aren't) > avoids and is scared of negative emotions and reality -> runs away from things that makes them uncomfortable > keeps being stuck in their gloomy and sad world (he'd think it's annoying and kills the fun for everyone)

huening kai

turn on's > very different to him (looks, personality, cultural background, language, etc.) > an underdog (this is so cute, he feels drawn to people no one seems to root for. like he feels for them and wants to support them even more) > generous people who don't want anything in return > has a joyful and beautiful connection to their family (also sees their close friends as family and puts a lot of value into keeping their connections happy and stable) > has strong opinions and is good at asserting themselves in a direct manner (isn't scared of confrontation and will defend themselves plus their loved ones with no hesitation) > good at arguing and standing their ground (he just thinks it's impressive when a person doesn't get intimidated and always finds the right words to justify themselves) > charming and charismatic -> naturally draws attention to themselves

turn off's > too inexperienced or immature in relationships (he himself can get kinda awkward still so being with someone similar to him just wouldn't work) > keeps sending mixed signals and doesn't communicate or express themselves directly (he feels like he'd go insane trying to figure them out, it'd make him very insecure) > too arrogant and cocky -> puts themselves above everyone > doesn't know how to give in or accept defeat -> too proud to admit they're wrong or messed up > is very indecisive and unsure what they want -> never really forms an opinion and just stays neutral about everything

[barb-l]

Vaggie is my favorite character, so I want to know where all of this hate for her came from. Like…people hate Vaggie yet love Lute, for example….. wtf? How? And I’m not saying people have to like the same things I do, but I’ve seen mfs bash Vaggie for things other characters have done. Again… what? The? Fuck?

Oh hohoho

I'm in a ranting mood, so let me tell you exactly why by paraphrasing some of the hate posts I've seen classlessly left in the chaggie tag before I blocked the OP's for said posts

"Vaggie has nothing going for her character. All she is, is Charlie's girlfriend"

- not even remotely true. She has a lot going on with her character aside from being The Girlfriend. She struggles with deep self-hatred, something that doesn't necessarily revolve around Charlie, although it does affect her relationship with her(codependency). It's a huge character flaw, though not necessarily bad character writing. It's something she needs to grow from, and something we can still see unfold in the coming seasons. Although she's helping with the hotel to be a supportive girlfriend, it is also something Vaggie believes to be the right thing to do regardless of Charlie. As Rosie inferred, Vaggie saw helping with the hotel as a way to atone for her sins and to do better. Even if the person running the Hotel weren't Charlie or anyone she fell for, I believe it's something she still would have helped with given her backstory. She has connections with other characters too that can be explored more in the future. Aside from just being "Charlie's girlfriend", she is Carmilla's possible additional daughter figure, she is Alastor's biggest obstacle in gaining whatever tf from Charlie, she is Lute's rival, and finally she is Lucifer's blatant parallel.

"Being a fallen angel is the only thing carrying her character. And we barely got any build up on that."

- let's say that's true. IF that's the case, why isn't anyone spitting hate on characters like Husk whose only "thing" is being a past overlord? Even though this had less foreshadowing than Vaggie's angel secret? Even though his only purpose in the story so far is to be Angel's love interest? He may be an alcoholic, but it's barely touched upon what terrible effects that may have for him. And although having his soul owned by Alastor sucks, does he actually suffer aside from that one time Alastor threatened his life? All Alastor is making him do is man the bar(so far). He has nothing to develop from with his character either. In fact, aside from the swearing and the grumpiness, he's a pretty swell guy who doesn't seem to fit in hell. He doesnt have a flaw that the story can aim to have him improve from. All he has going for him is his romance arc with Angel, and his past as an Overlord. Which, i repeat, isn't a bad thing! But how come Vaggie would get so much hate for similar criticisms, while Husk is widely loved by majority of the fandom?

"She doesn't have any chemistry with Charlie"

- something told by someone who ships:

Ch*rl*stor - two people who have only had direct interactions in the pilot(a quick dance number), episode 5(Alastor taking advantage of Charlie's daddy issues to curry favor with her and hit Lucifer's ego), and ep 7 (Alastor taking advantage of Charlie's dejection to make a deal with Charlie). A ship involving the kindest soul in Hell and a serial killer who has no desire to change and ridicules the dream Charlie holds so dear and is so passionate about. It isn't a bad thing to crack ship. Hell I do it too, but it's such a hypocritical thing to say that a canon ship has no chemistry only to claim that two people who have barely any meaningful conversations and positive interactions objectively look more like a couple and would be a better choice to be canon. Just because you like how they look in your imagination doesn't mean canon is objectively bad.

Ch*rlie/Emily - two characters who share so much similarities they can be sisters. It is such a personal thing. I have nothing against those who ship them. It just isn't for me because of the amount of similarities they have. With the intentional parallels, I personally think Emily would be better off having a gf that resembles Vaggie. Where Chaggie has a sunshine demon X grumpy angel duo, Emily could visit hell and fall for a demon who would be her opposite.

Ch*rlie/Lucifer - it's. Incest. Cmon.

"She doesn't care about the denizens of Hell"

- Vaggie's in Hell in the first place because she spared a demon's life. She cares TOO MUCH!

"Vaggie lied to Charlie. Even Adam was more honest with her!"

- I dont even... It should be common sense why Vaggie, who had just been betrayed by ANGELS, would not trust a demon princess with her true identity. Charlie and Rosie already talked about this. Or did they have their eyes and ears closed throughout episode 7?

"She ruined Lucifer's song by reprising it. Why would she do that when it's supposed to be Charlie and Lucifer's thing?? Why would she go and use a song about familial love and change the meaning to romance??"

- musicals that reprise songs to change its initial vibe has always been a thing, first of all. Vaggie reprised Lucifer's song specifically because they have been parallels of each other for the whole show. In fact, Lucifer indirectly echoes back Vaggie's reprise, with his lyrics in The Finale mirroring Vaggie's lyrics. It's not about Vaggie "stealing Lucifer's thing", it's about these two angels who both love Charlie reminding her of that love and how much they believe in her, despite being withheld of Heaven's love and losing faith in it in the process. It's about these two forms of love withstanding Heaven's abandonment and being there for someone who wants to face Heaven head on.

This is probably one of the most ridiculous anti-Vaggie criticism I've read. It's so weird to see such an earnest act of love as something audacious. If anything, Lucifer's the one with the audacity. I love him a LOT, but he did not deserve to be forgiven just because he had a beautiful song number with his daughter. It doesn't change the fact that he neglected Charlie for ages. If anyone deserved to sing More Than Anything, it was Vaggie because she has truly shown her commitment to Charlie. But, yunno. Baby steps.

Honestly for a lot of the characters in this show, all it seems to take for the fandom to like them is to have a song number that they like. People find Vaggie's songs boring. So they find her boring. Not a lot is known or shown of characters like Vox, Velvette, Alastor, and Husk, but apparently they're better developed. Just because they have sick song numbers doesn't mean they're better developed...

[seafoamreadings]

week of july 14th, 2024

these are written predominantly for the *rising* signs but they are also intuitively "channeled" enough that they should work for any dominant energy you have! (try your sun if you don't know rising, or more advanced readers can try moon, anywhere you have a stellium, etc and see what works best for you!)

aries: a much anticipated mars-uranus conjunction occurs with algol in your 2nd house this week. yes, it's scary vibes. so the warnings: beware head injuries, concussions, etc. your money may be at risk, or you may find yourself sacrificing some important values. on the bright side the energies can be strangely empowering from you. don't go starting trouble, but don't shy away from a fight (metaphorically. do very much avoid physical violence under this transit.) justice is on your side.

taurus: for you as for many, the mars-uranus conjunction is the major focal point of the week. in this scenario, do you see yourself as medusa or as perseus? algol is, probably quite unjustly, considered the "demon" star. it is the eye of medusa, gleaming furiously from her severed head. you may be victorious, you may be filled with righteous anger. it is important to behave in a way that keeps you safe, but otherwise, act accordingly.

gemini: while others tremble in fear waiting for the mars-uranus conjunction to come and pass, that transit occurs mainly behind the scenes for you, in the back of your mind or in dreams. however, do be very careful in/about isolated places like hospitals, prisons, etc. much more likely noticeable to you is the subsequent ingress of mars into your sign. it will likely be refreshing, invigorating, and energized from that conjunction.

cancerians: on the one hand, it may be best to stay out of even lovely social circles this week, in favor of keeping more or less to yourself. on the other hand, another capricorn full moon lights up your relationships later in the week. although relationship develop under such circumstances, this can certainly be done from afar as you enjoy your solitude in some warm, cozy lair.

leo: we are now on the cusp of most solar leo season. celebration is good - but probably better in private at this time. a soft launch, so to speak. the focus should be on the private life, not the public life, which can be completely unmanageable and unpredictable this week.

virgo: if you need to make a major life change, mars and uranus conjoining in your 9th house can give you the gumption you need to get it taken care of. with that said i would advise strongly against any travel at this time, especially if it is of a long distance variety, and i would be mindful that long distance relationships can be at a tipping point with this aspect - most likely not tipping in a direction you'll enjoy (sorry).

libra: some esoteric weirdness or even some form of grief may take up a big chunk of your week but otherwise all the auspices are quite good for librans now. if there is trouble at home, find a quiet place to stabilize. if there is trouble out in the world, let your home instead be your sanctuary. keep a reliable, steady home base, is the point, and the other chaos of the moment will pass easier.

scorpio: committed partnerships likely get put through the ringer this week. not just your significant other if you have one but a business partner, a best friend, etc. those things you really have some loyalty too. but if they stand this test, they are good as gold, solid and worth keeping.

sagittarius: you're not known for being a stickler for schedules anyway, but pre-existing routines and rituals are likely to get shaken up over this week. on the bright side, money situations may see improvements and mars finally moving into gemini is at minimum a relief, and more likely a nice little flirtation that might become more.

capricorn: so maybe it's not the most romantic period of your life or maybe your creative endeavors flop or even backfire. whatever, let it just be fun, don't hang your hat on it. on the bright side a full moon in your sign puts a nice glow on you and illuminates your best qualities, for yourself and for others to see.

aquarius: you are one of the signs that will most need to brace for this mars-uranus transit. don't fall prey to the bad press but at the same time, take it seriously. use it to empower yourself, not to wallow in a victim mentality, even if you are truly victimized (which i hope you are not!) it is not a week for major risks or anything too "out there."

pisces: you may find yourself quicker than usual to fly off the handle. avoid arguments and disagreements this week and resist any temptation to hide behind an internet persona or other form of anonymity. any writing you do for a little while should remain private, don't even text too much. instead put your focus on self care and building your home. you can get chatty and friendly again later.

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Mansfield Park - Henry Crawford and Fanny Price

I want to lay out how I see these characters and their relationship, because to me they seem to be set up as a deliberate contrast to Pride and Prejudice. At the tine of Henry’s first proposal, they are in a similar place to Elizabeth and Darcy at the time of Darcy’s first proposal, albeit with extremely different personalities than those characters: Fanny refuses him despite his wealth and her economic precarity because she cannot like or even respect him. However, Fanny, who is far shyer than Elizabeth, cannot lay out in direct and specific terms the foundation of her disapprobation of him.

From there, Henry sets out to win her regard in ways that very closely recall some of the events between Elizabeth and Darcy.

1) He does a great favour for a relative of hers. In his case, it is getting his uncle the admiral to have Fanny’s brother William promoted to lieutenant; in Darcy’s, it is saving the Bennets from disgrace by getting Wickham to marry Lydia. Darcy’s favour is far greater, and much more personally unpleasant for him, and he keeps it intentionally secret; he does it out of love of Elizabeth, but not to make her feel obligated. Henry’s takes only a few days of his time, its goal is get to Fanny to like him better, and he leverages it both at first and later to make her feel obliged to him.

2) He changes his manners to suit her. In Darcy’s case this means being polite rather than rude and haughty; in the case of Henry, who has always been charming and gregarious, it involves softening his manners to suit Fanny’s shy and quiet personality and engaging in more serious talk. In Darcy’s case this is a fundamental change in response to Elizabeth’s reproof; in Henry’s, it’s a simple adaptation to one person’s taste rather than another. He’s intelligent and able to engage in serious conversation when he wants to, but that’s not indicative of any fundamental change in his thinking.

3) He is polite to her family (the Prices, in Portsmouth) even when they are embarrassing.

4) He speaks with Fanny about reforms he is making on his estates to make sure his tenants are being treated fairly. These feels like a parallel to Elizabeth’s improved opinion of Darcy upon visiting Pemberley and hearing how well his servants speak of him. The difference is that Darcy has always been like that, whereas we are told early in Mansfield Park that Henry has been little on his estates during his adulthood: “To any thing like a permanence of abode, Henry Crawford had…a great dislike”. Darcy is acting in line with deep-seated principles; Henry is doing it as part of his courtship of Fanny, so he can bring it up to her and look good. He also tries to get her to counsel him to continue in this current vein, to engage her in a desire to fix/improve him, which Fanny shuts down laudably: “I advise! - you know very well what is right,” and when he reples that he always knows what is right when she tells him: “We all have a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person could be.” The weakness of Henry’s motivation is seen in the ending, where he puts off a visit to his estates to set matters right there in order to flirt with the now-married Maria Rushworth.

In short, Darcy is already good in many concrete ways, and sincerely improves in the ways where he is faulty, not in order to get Elizabeth to love him but because he thinks about her criticisms, agrees with them, and wants to be better for its own sake; and he helps her family solely out of love for her and deliberately hides it. Henry changes his manner and talk as part of his courtship, but his deeper values and attitudes do not change, and everything is directed at getting Fanny to fall for him.

The second area of contrast is in what the heroines object to. Elizabeth’s aspersions on Darcy’s character, regarding his interactions with Wickham, are found to be mistaken; her legitimate objections are to his attitude and arrogance, and he amends this. Henry’s manners are impeccable and his company charming; Fanny’s objections are to his character. She sees him deliberately flirt with both her cousins at once to a degree that implies an intent to propose, and play them off against one another; she sees him make some very deliberate and mutually-understood innuendo towards Maria, signifying that she should break off her engagement and be with him instead, all with zero intention of actually proposing if she did do so; she sees him use the theatricals to continue this pursuit of Maria. And this is very usual behaviour for Henry; his sister says he has broken many hearts, and when he starts courting Fanny his goal is to make her fall in love with him and then leave her “feeling she will never be happy again”.

This is what makes me judge Henry much more harshly than his sister Mary. Mary can be selfish, but she is not malicious or cruel, and she can be kind when it doesn’t inconvenience her (and one of her better traits is that even when she is unhappy or disappointed she never takes it out on other people). In contrast, Henry’s principal diversion and entertainment for years has been deliberately making young women miserable, leading them on, getting them to reject other suitors in hopes of him, and then departing without a care, to please his own vanity. He is, in truth, doing not once but habitually, what Willoughby did to Marianne: always implying enough to seem on the edge of an engagement but never following through, and then pretending it was all nothing. It’s a casual cruelty he finds amusing as a proof of his skills. In short, he’s a deceptive playboy. Even after Maria is married, he can’t resist flirting with her, which is what leads to her disgrace and social destruction.

Even though Austen lays out an alternative scenario where Henry might have married Fanny if not for that final flirtation with Maria Rushworth, all of the above does not lead me to believe she find that scenario desirable. She’s painstakingly laid out all the contrasts with her previous novel that make this scenario a very different one from Pride and Prejudice.

In addition to Henry’s serial seductions, one of the biggest red flags is his attempt to make Fanny responsible for his character, with an attitude of ‘you’re such an angel, you can make me do whatever you want’. This gives me Tenant of Wildfell Hall vibes, where Helen’s aunt tries to warn her off thinking that an older man of the world will let himself be guided and led by a younger woman who is in his power. Fanny rejects this idea: Henry knows what is right, can make his own choice to do it, and she will not let herself be appropriated as his conscience. Henry isn’t debauched like Huntington, but if Fanny married him the chances of him feeling bored after some years - when he no longer has the thrill of the pursuit to keep him interested - and pursuing other flirtations and affairs to Fanny’s misery, seems pretty high based on his character; and he’s skilled enough at skirting the line that he could easily brush away any objections from her as “oh, it’s nothing, just being sociable.”

On top of all the faults of character - even if Henry did reform, I have trouble seeing Fanny and Henry being happy together. At the core of his personality is a need for change, for stimulus, for challenge (the latter, rather than sexual desire, is the main thing driving his string of conquests), and for company. Fanny, in contrast, very much prefers quiet and the company of a few people she is close to, and I think this is her genuine personality, not something that needs to be overcome by “bringing her out of her shell”. Henry would be bored to misery living the kind of lifestyle that Fanny is comfortable with, and Fanny would be deeply unhappy living in the social whirl and flurry of activity that Henry prefers. In contrast, Fanny and Edmund are both “me after a quiet day in: time for a quiet night in” people.

So, with all this, why is Henry/Fanny a popular AU? Apart from fannish dislike of Edmund (which I don’t share), I think part of it is that we don’t get an open confrontation between Fanny and Henry, the way we do between Elizabeth and Darcy, where she lays out her objections to him: I saw you flirting with both my cousins at once, I saw you making them both unhappy for your own amusement, I saw you repeatedly tempting Maria to break her engagement with no intention of following through if she did, just because you liked the challenge of winning an engaged woman. And the lack of this naturally raises the question of: how would Henry react if this confrontation happened? Which provides fertile soil for AUs.

[the-night-that-feeds-if]

Hey everyone, dunno how long this might be, kind of doing a stream of consciousness style ramble about TNTF and me and stuff :)

alright so, tntf is getting a huge rework, this is my first if game ever, the coding is a little overwhelming, i know it’s fairly simple but it’s A LOT.

the reason i’ve been pretty quiet is mostly due to burnout, as some of you know i have health issues, i have crohns disease, i’m also autistic with adhd—something i love about this community is the understanding and acceptance for people/authors like me who may want to write but are just too stuck to be able to do it.

i know everyone is so jazzed for the next update, and i am too, there’s a few changes i’m making in regards to the technical aspects of the story, i’m removing stats, for the MC and for relationships. part of it is… i’m not a numbers person, trying to balance out the stats going up and down is a pain when this is planned to be a pretty damn long story. i also just don’t like it for my story personally, i don’t want you, as the player to feel like you have to game-ify personality or relationships.

this also opens the option for me to write more player responses to situations without having all of that annoying code in my brain~ MORE FLAVOR!

My writing has also vastly improved when it comes to fiction, a lot because i have been practicing so much while i’ve been sick (i’ve been playing with and writing AI chatbots on Janitor.AI, learning how to create a complex and realistic personality, an engaging character and world.) It’s been useful as a stress reliever and as a tool to help me write better, more descriptive etc.

on that note, smut in my game is also a very yes, i feel much more comfortable writing it now… heh.

i’ve also decided that all of my books are going to remain free, tntf was a planned three book series, it may just be one or two HUGE books, we’re going to have to see what i, and twine are capable of. but the story is going to span four countries and two continents of the world, so yeah.

the new rewrite is also going to slow things down considerably, because now we’ll have MC on a ship for four months as the intro, then meeting maddock and spending <insert amount of time here> with him while traveling to that little inn. it also gives me more room to introduce the characters a lot earlier but in their own POVs and not just while they’re with MC. i want the world to feel alive.

my decision to make and keep tntf free is because i want to.

i would not appreciate minors interacting with my content, but i also grew up with the internet, i know that no matter how much prevention we put in, minors are going to access our content regardless if it’s free or not. i just ask that if you are a minor and reading adult fiction, please don’t comment, dm or whatever, this is for your safety in the community as well as, i don’t want to deal with other people’s children on the internet, it’s nothing against any of ya’ll, you’re awesome, children are great but i’m almost 26, i really don’t want to deal with kids in what’s pretty much an adult space (i haven’t really seen books catered to the younger than 18 crowd, but like i’m saying, i’m more interested in forging connections with the adult community here, considering i am one, lmao *bats children away with pool noodles*)

i think that’s it

i might post more stuff but that’s my general direction

also to the asks in my inbox from last year on my birthday and forward… I READ THEM ALL AND APPRECIATE EVERY WELL WISH AND FEEDBACK, GENUINELY. i’m just bad at social media.