#that along with me generally being pretty tired as of late is not a great combination
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guys look at how cute my son is 😭😭😭 I'm in such shambles over him 😭😭😭 I just wanna pat his head and tell him he's doing a good job 😭😭😭
#ash rambles 💚#i think a lot of other uterus-havers can relate to having weeks where you just get extremely emotional over everything#that along with me generally being pretty tired as of late is not a great combination#anyhow#MY SON 😭😭😭😭 MY LITTLE STRAWBERRY SON#LOOK AT HIM#ISNT HE ADORABLE#WAAAAAHHH 😭😭😭 MY SON#ash is a cat laguz! so if shes in her cat form she always lets him pet her! it makes her purr!#sometimes he's even fallen asleep holding her close! it makes ash the happiest woman ever#they didnt have a very smooth start since ash was very closed off at first. but now that ash is comfortable with him and m.uarim?? shes suc#an excited kitty! it's really cute! also he's just really excited about seeing m.uarim fall for someone#watch out kiddo! thats your stepmom right there!!!#and he wouldnt have it any other way <3#hes such a cute kid i adore him#i wouldn't dare raise a claw 💚
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dancing with the devil | verna x reader
I'm back!!!
this one is just a spooky season special, as I've been away for all these days and haven't done one yet, I thought it would be cool to do it now!
this oneshot comes a lot from my obsession with Mike Flanagan's work, which even led me to watch The Fall of the House of Usher recently.
and, of course, it also comes from my obsession with Carla Gugino.
so, I hope you like it!
late requests coming out soon, so stay tuned!
enjoy!
requests open, but please be patient with me.
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PROMPT: It's New Year's Eve, and you find yourself in a bar, completely alone, with no one to give you the good luck's kiss. But a mysterious new barista catches your eye, and she could be your salvation, if only she didn't hide so many secrets.
***
You weren't one to complain, but it had been a pretty horrible year.
People generally await the New Year with a lot of ambition, full of resolutions, glamorous plans and self-centered achievements. But you do not.
You just wanted the next one to be better.
As if the miserable conditions you were experiencing at Fortunato were not enough, not being paid enough for the effort you made, sitting at the reception desk at the behest of the great Rufus Griswold - who did nothing except try to harass you in every way -, in a routine exhausting where you could never sleep properly, you still had your parents, and the terrible relationship you had with them.
So, when you sat at that bar, at the lonely counter, all you thought about was stuffing yourself until you pass out, hoping for a counting miracle. Some people were getting along well when you arrived, and others were giving you side-eye, but with the thought that you were less attractive to them, you decided that the counter would be the best option.
Suddenly, those eyes that looked yellow from afar fell on you, and the figure that carried them turned around, with a subtle smile.
"I see someone needs a drink, hm?"
You looked at her, and shrugged, before answering. "Just today. I can't drink, I still have work tomorrow."
She continued to smile, and you had the slight impression that her eyes had returned to their normal color. Clear, deep and very eye-catching. But it could just be the impression, because you were too exhausted to make sense.
"Ah, I understand. Just a minute, I'll prepare something relaxing for you, miss…"
"(Y\N)."
She nodded, turning away and concentrating on preparing whatever the drink was. Like I said before, you were too tired to care about what drink you were going to drink. If you could just get to New Year with something in your throat, that would be a good idea.
After minutes that felt like seconds of waiting, the barista turned to you, two shiny glass cups in her hands. She was still smiling subtly as she slid your glass and turned hers in her other hand.
She served you with the same smile, and then looked at you. "It's funny, I can see there's something wrong with you... Something that's stopping you from celebrating tonight."
You looked back at her, frowning, and sighing afterwards.
"It's true, it was... It wasn't a very good year", you commented, feeling terrible for venting to a stranger. "But the year ahead will be better, I know that."
"And why is that? Why was it so bad?"
"My boss, my work... everything makes me exhausted... and not having anyone to talk to is really bad at these moments...", You took a sip. "Um, that's great, is it Merlot?"
"It's Merlot, but it's not one of the best...", the barista said, tapping her glass still. "I've seen and experienced better, around the world."
"Have you been around the world?", you asked, unable to resist your curiosity. She smiled and nodded. "Where did you go? On that expedition?"
"I've been there too, but not just on this occasion", she said, and suddenly stopped, as if she were saying too much. "You know, it's interesting, being on the other side. Sometimes it's tiring, it breaks my heart, but... It's good, there are things there that are worth the effort."
You were more intrigued. She didn't look like the type of person who would travel around the world, wearing black clothes and a gothic look, as if she wanted to hide on purpose. Generally, these trips are made for people who want to be seen, above all else in the world.
"What are you talking about, exactly?"
"Have you ever had a dream... a desire... a deep, hidden desire that no one has ever fulfilled, and that you yourself didn't imagine you could achieve?", she looked at you with the same curiosity as you. "I'm like... A dream maker. I go on these trips just for that..."
You frowned, still not understanding, but took another sip to hide it, nodding.
"Are you the personification of the genie in the lamp?"
She laughed. "Ah, I would like to, but no. It would be a lot of ego on my part, but I would say that I'm better than him", she laughed. "Verna is my name, but the name never makes that much of a difference to me."
“Different name, never heard it before,” you said, drinking again. "Are you from here?"
"I'm from nowhere. I'm everywhere, at all times... it's strange, I know, but it makes sense to me."
You nodded, finding it strange. And then, he found it even stranger when she helped herself to the Merlot on the counter and drank some. She smiled at you, still tapping the glass.
"But what about you, (Y/N)? Do you have any desires that you thought would be unrealizable, unattainable? Please be honest with me."
You opened your mouth, and then thought a little. "No. I think I'm happy this way. Except for a few little things that I would change here and there..."
She softened her gaze and took a sip, her clear eyes suddenly yellowed again and wide, fixed on you. "What kind?"
“Like, my boss giving me the justice I deserve, and stop hitting on me,” you laughed, drinking the last sip and pouring yourself again. "Not much."
"Your boss is too terrible for you, (Y/N)," Verna replied, smiling. "Don't ask me how I know this, but I do. One day someone will show him what's really good, don't worry."
You frowned. "You seem so sure, are you some kind of psychic?"
She laughed. "No. I would like to be, but no. I... I see people's possibilities. And that's it. I help them based on the possibilities."
She stared at you again, and looked away at the TV, where the ball was falling on the screen in Times Square.
"Oh, it looks like it's almost time," she whispered, laughing. "Your year is going to be great, (Y/N), I'll make sure of that."
“You…” you started, but she shushed you, smiling.
"You just have to make a deal with me."
"What kind of deal?"
Verna thought for a while, and then smiled. "Wow, you seem so sure..."
She was mocking you, of course, you realized right away, and with a muffled laugh, you glanced back at the TV, hearing people echoing a countdown. The ball finally reached its destination, and you turned around, seeing Verna's yellow eyes glued to yours again. She suddenly leaned over and stole a peck from you, taking a little too long to pull away.
“Was that your deal?”, you whispered, smiling mischievously. Verna took a moment to open her eyes and then tilted her head, as if agreeing.
She thought for a while and then finally said, her voice low, slowly close to your ear, as if she wanted to seduce or bewitch you. She had one of the softest voices you'd ever heard, and apparently she knew how to use it.
"Actually, it was a plan to find out if you were trustworthy, if you were innocent enough to accept my deal…", she whispered. "And because I know, deep down, that what you wanted most was to be kissed on New Year's Eve, my sweet client."
You trailed off, looking at her, getting lost in the soft expression on her pale face. Suddenly, an impulsive idea occurred to you, and you leaned in again, kissing her, this time with more intensity. When you touched her hair, behind the back of her head, you had the impression that it melted at the touch, as if Verna were just an illusion, as if she were the literal cosmic dust from which human beings possibly emerged.
However, the kiss didn't last long. She pushed you away with her feather-light hands, and to the naked eye, it looked like it was just a breeze of wind stopping you both. She touched your face, running her fingers lightly across your cheek as she whispered:
"We can't do that right now, (Y\N). I'm afraid you're not sober enough, and it wouldn't be wise for me to take advantage of this."
You looked at it for a moment and realized it made sense. But she had kissed you first, so it was clearly just an excuse, as always happened. You started to wonder if your kiss was that bad.
"But, Verna…"
"Please, darling. I'm trying to be reasonable. Like I said, I work with possibilities, and the possibility of us working out is less than zero. Don't get me wrong, it's just in case…", she hesitated. "Condemning pure-souled humans to my cruel and inevitable fate wouldn't be extremely political of me."
You sighed, and gave her the space she needed, even though you couldn't take your eyes off her. Verna was the same, and you could feel that, despite what it seemed like, that moment you shared wasn't just fun, much less just a New Year's kiss.
Verna poured you the rest of the Merlot and, with the same soft expression, touched your face again. This time, her voice was clear, and in a moment of vulnerability, she made it more than explicit that she wasn't lying when she said:
"But we'll still meet, (Y\N)," she whispered, her fingers again like soft feathers touching his skin. "Our deal may not have been sealed, but you've proven enough innocence and courage to convince me that you're capable of this. You'll have a great new job, I promise, and your boss will never bother you again."
She nodded, and you allowed yourself to nod too, so confused that you definitely didn't know what to believe anymore. There was a little devil on your shoulder urging you to try again, and there was another devil, right in front of you, who would be harder to convince than you expected.
"And of course, you will have my full protection," Verna whispered, smiling. "I'm not going to promise you eternal life, because that would be impossible even for someone like me. But I promise, and I need you to believe me on this one, I promise that I will move mountains so no one will hurt you again."
You smiled, and drank the last sip. Suddenly, another impulse. This time, a question, instead of an action.
"What are you? An angel? A genie without a lamp? A tempting devil who seeks souls and deals?"
Verna smiled, and simply looked away at her glass again, magically empty. "I already told you. I'm nothing, I don't have a life. I'm just what your mind wants me to be."
You were confused, but suddenly, a memory hit you hard. When you looked at Verna, it was as if she already knew.
"I really need to go. My mom will be furious if I get home late, even on New Year's..."
She nodded. "Please don't take any chances. This part, I won't be able to protect you."
You laughed, stood up and slid out the only dollar bill you had. Verna looked at the ballot, he turned it around and handed it back to you, denying it.
"No need. The bill is already paid."
"What?"
"Please don't insist. I insist."
You looked at her, shrugged, and frowned, suddenly realizing that maybe it was for the best. She kept watching you, until you left, and as soon as you turned outside, on the street, you noticed who had just walked through a solid wall.
The bar was gone.
And she was gone too.
Even more confused - and blaming the drink -, you put your hands in your pockets to protect yourself, and walked back home, into the daylight. As soon as you crossed the street, however, another very curious thing caught your attention.
There was a raven, standing still, resting on a post. It was just any raven, but it was a raven, and it looked down at you. Suddenly, you had the impression that he had winked at you.
"What nonsense. Ravens don't blink," you whispered to yourself, looking at the raven again. He remained there, standing still, as if he hadn't even noticed you. Deciding to ignore that crazy night, you turned around.
As you disappeared down the street, you whispered to yourself once again.
"Ravens don't blink."
Oh, but if you only knew that they do more than blink... If you only knew...
#lgbt#romance#oneshot#imagine#fluff#angst#the fall of the house of usher#tfothou x reader#carla gugino#carla gugino x reader#verna x reader#I love verna I would make deals with her for sure#this year's spooky season is finally out!#yes I'm back who cheered#requests coming soon
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tagged by the lovelies @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @buddierights @hippolotamus @jesuisici33 @wikiangela 💌
you're a lost cause (but i'll always see great heights in you) | teen and up | 5.8k words
A small hiccup and another sniff. Chris pushes his shoulder impatiently and Eddie makes a sign with his hand for him to wait. "What's really going on, Buck? Is Natalia there with you?" There's a few beats of silence— Actually, Buck takes so long to answer that Eddie has to check the call didn't end. "Buck, buddy? Are you there?" "She broke up with me, Eddie. On Christmas Fucking Eve." Buck's small, broken voice comes through the line. "Who even does that?" or; buck gets dumped on christmas eve, eddie and chris are there to cheer him up and sometimes you realize you were too blind to see what was right in front of you all along. but the holidays are about presents under the tree, ugly sweaters, hot chocolate and new beginnings, right? it's never too late.
you could be the one that i love | general audiences | 4.9k words
Eddie is tired of being a repressed pining idiot. So he makes a plan. Is it a fool-proof plan? Not really. Is he panicking about it? Yes, absolutely. Did he pick probably the worst time ever to execute said plan? Also yes. But he's going through with it anyway. Go big or go home, right? "If you were the guy I was in love with, hypothetically of course," Eddie rushes to clarify. "What would you want me to give you? Hypothetically." or; Eddie asks Buck to help him choose a gift for a special someone.
may these memories break our fall | teen and up | 6.7k words
"Eddie. Fuck, I missed you so much." Buck presses his lips against Eddie's neck, kissing the delicate skin there. "So fucking much." He murmurs. There's a beat of silence and nothing happens. Eddie's tense and stiff in Buck's arms, not hugging him back and not saying anything. "Eddie?" Buck asks, hesitant as he pulls away. His hands rest on Eddie's shoulders and he looks him up and down one more time in case he's missed a big injury but all in all, apart from some bruises and dry blood on his forehead, Eddie looks pretty good considering he was just in a train crash. "Eddie, baby, are you okay?" Eddie frowns at him, his brown eyes looking at Buck in confusion and wariness. "Who are you?" His voice comes out hoarse and the words are slightly slurred together. Buck blinks and stares at his husband. A beat passes and he chuckles nervously. "What do you mean who am I?" "I, uh…" Eddie's frown deepens. "I don't know who you are." or: eddie is a soldier coming home for christmas, he wants to surprise his husband and son for the holiday but things don't go as planned.
oh baby, merry christmas ( where every wish comes true ) | general audiences | 2.3k words
Buck and Eddie take their kids to see Santa. They were not expecting for their kids to wish they would start dating. But Christmas is when every wish comes true. prompt: “we took our kids to santa’s workshop and they both wished we would get together”
tagging (no pressure): @watchyourbuck @monsterrae1 @eddiebabygirldiaz @exhuastedpigeon @hoodie-buck @honestlydarkprincess @maygrantgf @athenagranted @underwater-ninja-13 @prettyboybuckley @rogerzsteven @heartshapedvows @disasterbuckdiaz @messyhairdiaz @spaceprincessem @the-likesofus @spotsandsocks @jamespearce9-1-1 @housewifebuck @jeeyuns @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz and anyone else who wants to do it!
#april writes#christmas fics#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buck x eddie#buddie#buddie fics#911 fic#911 abc#911 on abc
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What are examples of deception? I don't really understand the ASPD symptom: "Lying, deception, and manipulation, for profit or self-amusement," Like, how could someone deceive others for their own profit or self-amusement?
So the most basic form of lying or deceiving for your own amusement is best seen in somewhat trashy, but fun old high school shows and movies. Telling someone something that is untrue just to see if you can make them believe it, and bonus points if you can get them to say it to someone else to make them look bad or stupid. It's sometimes fun to try and make someone believe something that isn't true is just to see if you can do it. The more ridiculous it is, the higher the challenge, and some of us very much enjoy that challenge.
As for lying for your own gain, this is things like saying someone close to you is sick to get out of going to a function you don't want to go to, saying you got a flat tire to get out of being late to work, saying you're sick so you can do something fun instead of helping someone do something, etc along those lines.
Deceiving someone for your own gain is similar, but a bit more complex. The lies in the last paragraph are mostly superficial and unable to be fact-checked or else are socially unacceptable to be fact checked (seriously are you gonna drive by my house just to make sure I'm at home sick right now? No you're not because that's weird). Deceiving is a step or two above that and takes some more skill, getting them to not fact-check because they genuinely believe you, blindly and without genuine evidence, to the point where if someone asked them why they didn't check they'd say "I trust them". This takes rapport or a particularly trusting type of person, and will go a little deeper, like if you were to say you help out somewhere charitable to get out of work early on a certain day each week. These things are higher risk, and generally higher reward as they usually lead not to exceptions to a rule, but to bending or breaking a rule entirely for you. Once you get someone to do that, they become much more likely to defend you, because they want to believe you so that they didn't put themselves on the line for nothing. That itself is your own gain too; you've manipulated a situation where they will be more trusting next time because they now have a vested interest in seeing you as a credible and trustworthy person to validate them trusting you blindly before.
Overall, it can be as light as "I don't feel great, can you bring me X" to someone in the room, or pretty much as intense as you can imagine. It's very much an extension of the manipulation criteria.
Plain text below the cut:
So the most basic form of lying or deceiving for your own amusement is best seen in somewhat trashy, but fun old high school shows and movies. Telling someone something that is untrue just to see if you can make them believe it, and bonus points if you can get them to say it to someone else to make them look bad or stupid. It's sometimes fun to try and make someone believe something that isn't true is just to see if you can do it. The more ridiculous it is, the higher the challenge, and some of us very much enjoy that challenge.
As for lying for your own gain, this is things like saying someone close to you is sick to get out of going to a function you don't want to go to, saying you got a flat tire to get out of being late to work, saying you're sick so you can do something fun instead of helping someone do something, etc along those lines.
Deceiving someone for your own gain is similar, but a bit more complex. The lies in the last paragraph are mostly superficial and unable to be fact-checked or else are socially unacceptable to be fact checked (seriously are you gonna drive by my house just to make sure I'm at home sick right now? No you're not because that's weird). Deceiving is a step or two above that and takes some more skill, getting them to not fact-check because they genuinely believe you, blindly and without genuine evidence, to the point where if someone asked them why they didn't check they'd say "I trust them". This takes rapport or a particularly trusting type of person, and will go a little deeper, like if you were to say you help out somewhere charitable to get out of work early on a certain day each week. These things are higher risk, and generally higher reward as they usually lead not to exceptions to a rule, but to bending or breaking a rule entirely for you. Once you get someone to do that, they become much more likely to defend you, because they want to believe you so that they didn't put themselves on the line for nothing. That itself is your own gain too; you've manipulated a situation where they will be more trusting next time because they now have a vested interest in seeing you as a credible and trustworthy person to validate them trusting you blindly before.
Overall, it can be as light as "I don't feel great, can you bring me X" to someone in the room, or pretty much as intense as you can imagine. It's very much an extension of the manipulation criteria.
#aspd-culture-is#aspd culture is#aspd culture#actually aspd#aspd#aspd awareness#actually antisocial#antisocial personality disorder#aspd traits#anons welcome
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Title: Second Male Lead, Enter!
Cyno x Bard!Reader x Kaveh
Bard!reader masterlist • Continuation of this Wc: 5.7K. Warnings: None (unedited)
Tags(?): Reader was born in Monstadt, and was a part of the Knights of Favonius, for future reference. Gender neutral reader.
The lyrics used are from a song called Van Horn by Saint Motel
Thank the Archons, you were born in Monstadt. Monstadt has winding paths and steep hills, wide valleys that stretch as far as the eye can see, so you're used to walking a great distance without losing your breath. When you had trained as a Knight Of Favonius you would often run laps around your beloved home till your legs wobbled like jello, and then force yourself to run the trek back.
All that training paid off, because you are hauling ass, and the General Mahamatra is right behind yours.
Oh fuck he's fast.
Okay okay, you got a little ahead of yourself today. But you get tired of only playing your music quietly in whatever little room you're renting, or for whoever decides to hide you for the night (you're pretty sure he knows you change places often).
So you started playing in some courtyard. And…. Maybe your song of choice was a bit too on the nose? You saw him striding along angrily and he almost looked like he was pouting. So you opened your stupid mouth and sang the first thing that came to mind:
Well tell me do you hate me, or do you wanna date me?
It's kinda hard to tell cause your eyes are looking crazy
So why you come on over, anything but sober
Looking like it's time tonight for fight or flight in Van Horn.
You had chosen Flight. He had shot out of the crowd like a bat from hell and you hightailed it out of there.
That's where you're at currently.
Stick to crowds, stick to crowds. Drifting tight corners is your specialty damn it, use it!!
You drift around the corners and through the courtyards, and your grin is shaking from both adrenaline and fear. You think for a moment that you should try to use your vision, but Pyro wouldn't bode well with all this greenery. You don't want to be charged with arson also.
You've been caught and sent to precincts and holding cells for days at a time, you don't want to stay any longer than you have to.
People catch the spectacle, and children cheer while their parents hush them with hidden smiles. You hop over stalls and people actually move some of their carts when they see you rushing forwards, subtly going back to their work (and blocking the General, oh Archons this place is awesome.)
A full bearded man at a food stall even holds out some sort of bun, wrapped in cloth when you run by, and you grab it, yelling out a 'Thank you!', because you can't stop. You don't want to accidentally bite your tongue off trying to eat this thing either so you put it in your satchel.
There isn't any place this man wouldn't chase you. But if you can find a place to hide, you can lose him, then wait it out till he has to attend to his other duties. You've done this song and dance before. Pun intended.
You don't mean to bump into a man while dashing into an alleyway though.
Your face goes 'smoosh' into the open plane of his chest, (his skin is really soft), and he yells in shock while you fall. Kinda a second too late he reaches out to catch you and you both tumble to the ground. At least your head doesn't hit the ground.
"What the…? Archons, are you alright?!" He reaches out a hand to help you rise. His fingers are calloused, but pretty.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Sorry for bumping into you."
"No need, it was my fault for being in the way." While he talks you look around you frantically, knowing you're losing precious time and ground. He notices your anxiety and tilts his head a little down to match your height.
"Are you alright? You're looking a little nervous there?"
"Yeah, sorry, kinda freaking out. I'm getting chased by the General Mahamatra."
"The what now?" His face blanks, and he is blocking your way.
"Might have heard of me, the bard from Monstadt, the one making a huge ruckus in Sumeru? Yeah, that's me, can you please move- Oh shizz—"
You hear the commotion behind you and you know you only have a few moments before he gets to you. The man's ruby eyes light up, and can he move already–
He grabs your hand and pulls you into the alleyway. You think to pull your hand away, but he's fast though, and he's going in the direction that you were heading anyways, which is away, so you let him pull you along.
"I have heard of you!" He calls back. "I've been wanting to meet you!" He's a pretty shade of blonde, pretty in general. He looks expensive too, with the tailored silk he wears and the intricate earrings.
"I'm Kaveh. You are?"
"Wondering where you're taking me!" What happened to not allowing yourself to be led to a second location? Technically this was the first but whatever–
"Don't worry. It's a place that I'm sure he can't get to you, not without clearance at least."
You two runalong, and you don't hear any footsteps behind you, which doesn't really soothe your nerves. He can be quiet when he needs to. But you two run, and eventually he leads you to a building that looks fairly new. He leads you through the back door, and up two flights of stairs to a sort of sitting room, yelling out greetings to the other people who call out his name.
This room has full couches and low tables and giant, fluffy looking pillows to lounge on. There are blueprints on the tables and half a model of a building on another. There are windows lining the wall, but this room is towards the back of the building, so all you see when you look out is a shadowed alleyway leading to the backs of other buildings.
Kaveh sighs when he enters and lets your wrist go.
"Sorry for dragging you all the way here. I might have gotten a bit ahead of myself."
"What is this place?"
"It's an Architects guild. There aren't very many in Sumeru, and even if he knows of this one, he can't get in."
"No?"
"No. The General Mahamatra has clearance to enter any government owned building. This building has been bought and renovated by the guild's hands, so he would need a warrant to enter." He waves you in and gestures for you to sit. You do so, sinking into a seat and grabbing a pillow to hold.
"I wasn't going out of my way to find you, but it's fortunate I have the chance to talk to you now.
"Many people are intrigued by you."
"I'm nothing special. It's all the ruckus that's been left in my wake that's interesting."
"I don't think a person the General Mahamatra has been sent after is nothing special.
"Bard, tell me, what brings you so far from home? I can tell you're not from here."
Hm, well, he did kind of just save you. You can indulge him a little. "I had a wanderlust. Spent a lot of time in Liyue, Inazuma was pretty interesting. I spent most of my time with a felon running from the Shogunate, whom I met on a pirate ship."
"How fascinating. So you're from Monstadt?" He frames it as a question and you nod. He reaches for a pitcher and pours you both a glass of wine. His hand is warm when he gives it to you.
"Honestly, I had hoped I would get to meet you soon, but with the General Mahamatra after you, I thought the chances were slim."
"You really wanted to meet me?" He nods, reclining in his seat.
"And today was my lucky break! The effect you've had on Sumeru as a whole is astounding. It shows the disparity between the ideal Sumeru the Sages try to project and the true reality that is the people's lives." He drains his cup in a few gulps.
"It's lifeless and droll, what they push for. The path of an erudite is honorable and all, but their blatant hatred for the arts, how do they live with themselves? Art is everywhere, art is essential. Art is food for the heart and soul."
"That's what I'm saying!!" You bounce in your seat with shock and excitement. Is it true? Finally, someone you can talk to about this?!
"It's a means for human expression! Even before people learned to read and write we had songs to sing. So many archeological finds are statues and art of past civilizations, we learn about past cultures from the stories they told, ancient paintings in tombs or cave walls." He's nodding eagerly along to what you're saying, earrings swinging.
"Exactly. You can't escape art, you can't escape the divine act of creation! Our jewelry, the way we dress, the way we talk, how we build and decorate our homes, how we work, eat, it's all an artform! A romance unto itself!"
"Yes. When you hold yourself above the arts, you're basically proclaiming yourself above mortal….well, mortality. Joy. Culture. I think it's Ironic how the Sages worship the late Greater Lord Rukkedevahta, when she herself was close friends with the Goddess of Flowers. Whose dance was so graceful she made the pardisarahs bloom."
"A flower the Greater Lord dedicated her friend to. They've worked hard to try and erase her importance from the text books," he grumbles, "as well as the role of the Scarlet King. I can only imagine what they've gotten rid of in all these centuries past." You both sigh at the same time, and grin at each other in amusement. You curl your legs underneath you, a little bashful.
"I haven't seen many people in Sumeru as enthused on this matter as you are."
"Alas, it is both a curse and blessing."
"Is that right?"
"Yes. I am an architect, art is a necessity for my creations, my work depends on creativity. But that also deems me as frivolous, people are less likely to take my word in other matters. My roommate calls me over emotional and tedious. But I'm not the one frittering away my income on horrible art decor. I swear he does it just to spite me."
You laugh. "You two sound close."
"Frenemies, you could say, I swear he lives to aggravate me. He always wants to take my keys, and he likes to frame it as an accident even if we both know he does it on purpose, and then lock me out of the house!!"
"Uh-huh."
"And I'm the one stuck doing all the housework! I've never seen that man so much as wash a dish or pick up a duster. Do you know how exhausting it is to be the only one to do housework around the place?"
You sip from your cup. "Very exhausting."
"Yes. And that attitude of his. You know what he's like? He believes that art exists solely for commercial exchange, that art is a revenue to be exploited and holds no other value. That the day that value has been exploited is the day all its value ceases to exist." At this you gasp.
"Are you serious? No, you're kidding."
He rolls his eyes. "'Can the production of anything exist without commercial exchange?'. The bastard."
"That sounds horrible. Art isn't meant to be exploited or capitalized on. What kind of of mindset is that?"
"The wrong one. People like that drain the joy out of every golden bleeding day." He sighs again with a wave of his hand, like brushing away the current topic.
"What about you?"
"Hm?" His vision, dendro, jingles as he crosses an ankle over his knee.
"What kind of friends have you made while in our great nation?" You laugh a little, watch your reflection distort when you swirl the contents of your glass.
"Friends? I have none. It is known throughout Sumeru that the Sages detest me. They have sent their General after me. Sumeru craves a spectacle but one they can watch, and not be blinded by." You drink, if only to give yourself pause.
"They might make way for me if they see me dashing away from the authorities, like earlier, but they would not house me or aid me if I'm injured. Some establishments have banned me so it's hard to find work to feed or support myself, but I make due with odd late night shift jobs."
"Hm. I heard a rumor that you were good friends with Miss Nilou of the theater."
"Miss Nilou is a lovely person, but even still, she won't put the theater in jeopardy by associating with me. It's the smart thing to do.
"My 'friends' are usually the outcasts of society. The drunks and the dropouts and despondents. Even then. They're not my friends since they're more likely to sell me out or stab me in the back for some mora or attention."
"What if I said I wanted to be your friend? Would I be considered a fool?" He dramatically puts a hand to his chest, a smile on his face.
You look him up and down. "You just helped me escape from the General. I'd call you less than bright."
"I'll have you know that I am considered the Light of the Kshahrewar." He huffs, affronted but not really. He smiles wider when you chuckle.
"It's awfully droll being surrounded by people with no appreciation for anything beautiful or lovely. Technically, you haven't broken any true laws, but the Sages are afraid of the influence you have." He waves a hand.
"I don't care for any of that. You're a peach and I'd like to get to know you better."
"I'm a peach?" You ask, confused yet amused.
"Yes!" He laughs. "You've been nothing but delightful so far. I'd like to get to know you better."
Well, it would be nice to make merry with someone you don't have to fear will rob you in your sleep, or rat you out. He did just help you hide. He's a good conversationalist, and he appreciates art as well as you do.
"You know what? I'm too endeared for my own good. I would like to be your friend Kaveh." You reach out a hand and he takes it, pressing a kiss to the back as if he were a knight.
"Splendid. This deserves a toast!" He refills both your cups and you clink them together. It settles down warm in your belly. Monstadt wine is always better though, slides down your throat like honey and settles in hotter. This is still good though and you tell him as much.
"My roommate is the one who bought this. Apparently he ordered several crates of the stuff, and I figured not to let it go to waste by letting him drink it all and ruin his kidneys."
"Crates?"
"Yes, crates. Around ten of them. He's quite the alcoholic."
"Depends on how fast he drinks it. In Monstadt you'd share that among friends and it would be gone in a mere day."
"Goodness, now two of my friends are alcoholics."
"You seem like one to talk."
"Hm? What do you mean?"
You go on to talk more, about music, architecture, the sages, and the conversation flows smoothly. You find yourself relaxing, it's been weeks since you really had a proper conversation with anyone. Maybe the General counted, but really all you do is throw quips back at him and flee.
Well, you flirt with him a little too, but it's mainly in jest. You want to see that stoicism of his crumble. He can capture you and put you in holding for weeks at a time, but it's still cute to see that little blush he gets when you get too close to him or when your lyrics get risqué.
Then suddenly, you hear a rumble that cuts the conversation off, and look over at Kaveh. He puts his hand over his stomach with a half mortified look.
"Please don't mind me."
"Are you hungry?"
"I'm fine."
"I have a bun if you want."
"I'll be fine. I…gave up my lunch to a couple desert foxes earlier."
"Oh no, were you bombarded?" You ask, laughing. They are cute.
"I couldn't resist, they had me surrounded! Then I bought flowers from a stall two children were running so I'm broke. I'll eat something later." Okay, that's adorable. You take out the wrapped bun from your satchel, and it's still warm.
"Take it."
"It's fine."
"Take it."
"No."
"Why not?"
"It's hard enough for you to find good housing, right? So I'm sure it's hard to find any restaurants willing to let you order or eat in. You eat it."
"It's fine. I'm not hungry." Your stomach betrays you by letting out a growl, long and embarrassing. He gives you a look.
"...Then we'll split it." You do promptly just that, and give him the bigger half despite his complaints.
It's a stuffed pork bun. It's good. You really were hungry.
You have to buy more strings for your lyre and your guitar, just in case. And you had a tear in your cloak, so you'd need a needle and thread. It wasn't too bad, and If it was you could use one of your spare shirts if you needed extra fabric.
There were lots of plaza's and courtyards and markets here, compared to monstadt. The only place that might compete was Liyue, but you weren't there long, and there were lots of seats and benches to sit. Not here. Get where you're going and stop loitering. The ground was flat and smooth though, not high cobbled streets or grasslands, so you don't mind. All this to say you might need to buy another pair of shoes with the extreme amount of walking and running you've been doing.
And probably waterproof cases. And clothes with waterproof pockets and lining. You had to jump into the waters of Port Ormos to escape from Cyno once and your flute was never the same.
Where were you going to get the money for this?
Your musings are interrupted again when you hear a weird sound, and look up to see Kaveh choking.
You stand and refill his wine with the recanter, lifting a eyebrow.
"Something strange cross your mind?"
"Uh, no, nothing like that." He flounders after he drains his cup.
"Just caught off guard. Listen, I'm, uh, I'm not kicking you out, but I think you should hurry."
"Oh? Why?" He's leaning a little back in his seat, outside the window's view. You're helping to block him a little.
"Because the General Mahamatra is looking right into this window." You choke a little on your bun, and sneak a peek out the window.
What the actual fuck.
He just, standing there. Menacingly. You're barely peaking your head out, but you two lock eyes immediately and you flinch back. You dont drop the stare. It's heavy enough that if you did, you fear it would land on your foot and break it.
"You said he can't get to me here?"
"Not unless he has a warrant."
"He's the General, doesn't he like, have an automatic pass?"
"I don't think so…?" Lightning starts crackling along his form and your heart rate elevates, you start making sure you have everything. You down the rest of the wine and stuff the bun into your mouth. You almost choke.
"He'll try staking out or scaling the building if I stay any longer."
"Really? It's that serious?"
"He's done it before." You shiver. He scaled up a building with those lightning hand things of his before and pulled himself through the window to get to you. You thought your judgment day had come for you then, but you had managed to wriggle out an escape, thank goodness. Yeah, you have everything.
You turn to your new friend with a grin, and hope that there's nothing in your teeth.
"Well, Kaveh, friend of mine, thank you for the wine and the convo. Guess I'll see you when I see you?"
"Of course, hopefully soon?"
"We'll see!" He gets up, wiping his hands on his knees.
"Then we leave it to fate. Where are you going to go now?"
"If I can make it out I can lose him in the districts, or head underground and lose him there."
"Sounds like a plan."
"Yep! So, I'm gonna jump out the window now, so don't panic." You learned your lesson the first time you did that, the matron of the bar had screamed and it brought too much attention to your escape. People are so nosy here.
"Keep inside so that he can't completely see your face, okay?"
"You're not serious? We're two stories up and he's right there." You climb onto the ledge and perch there.
"Well I'm not jumping down towards him silly. Bye-bye." You wave your fingers.
"Wait wait, hey!!" You jump out of the window, several windows next to the one the General stood under, without any fanfare.
Another good thing about Monstadt; You're used to falling from heights. Two stories is nothing, so you fall fast, hit the ground hard and roll, ignoring the sting in your ankles and feet. You run.
But, due to the sting and height you fell from, you're not very fast initially and about a dozen alleyways later, (you got farther at least) you feel a rough hand grab onto your shoulder and slam you into a wall. Ouch. Oh well.
You bite back your cry of pain when you catch the gleam in his eyes, almost triumphant, you would say.
"Caught you."
You scoff, and try to ignore the way his fingers dig into your shoulder. "Please. You really think you have me?"
"Where do you see yourself getting out of this? How do you see yourself escaping?"
"A multitude of ways, actually."
He frowns deeper, his mouth a flat pressed line."Tsk. Smart mouth." You sigh, making sure the air blows over his face. Pork bun breath.
"Where did you even come from? I was singing and I saw you. Then you suddenly just shot through the crowd."
"I was following you from when you left the inn. I had a feeling you'd try something. I was right."
Damn. Looks like that place is compromised. You'll have to find another one, secretly and soon. You'll probably sleep outside tonight.
You put your hands to your face like a scandalized maiden.
"You were stalking me? You even know where I'm staying? Oh my, I never dealt with this kind of situation with a fan before…You know I don't like you like that, right?" He rolls his eyes at your display, the way you make your eyes soft and wide.
"Stop it. I'm not your fan."
"If you'd come to one of my performances for real–"
"No. They're unsanctioned."
"But if they were–"
"They won't be. No."
"You didn't deny that you were stalking me though." He doesn't say anything as rebuttal and you grin, leaning back against the wall like you weren't being held there. Looks like you're going back to a precinct for a couple of days. At least you wouldn't have to worry about where you're sleeping tonight. Or tomorrow.
His frown deepens. "Stop it."
"Stop what?"
"Acting like that."
"Acting like what, Cyno? You got me. Do whatever you're gonna do to me." You make your voice lower, smoother, and you know he notices, because he just keeps looking angrier and angrier.
"It's not a joke."
"It's not."
"You're under arrest."
"You're all up in my space, of course I know that." You chuckle. You lean a bit closer and yeah, he's blushing a little.
"You'll be taken to court to be judged by the sages."
….Well. What a shock.
"Wait, what? Why?"
"For all the trouble you've been making."
"To Court? On what grounds?"
"The Sages–"
"My crimes could only be labeled as a Violation, which would result in a fine or community service, or up to fifteen days in jail. Which I've been doing. Why would I get a trial for a Violation?"
"Because your crimes are listed as a Class B Misdemeanor. The Sages have decided to be more involved in court cases and jail sentencing recently. With their interest in you it's understandable they want to be involved in your sentencing."
"Hah!" You laugh. "And I bet you've been busy too, rounding up people to lock behind bars."
"They are people who have broken the law in the most severe senses.They have to be dealt with."
"Let me guess, people who tried selling research or contraband, thieves? People charged with armed or aggravated assault or disorderly conduct? Okay, I can understand them paying for their crimes, but even I have noticed how the Sages always label them as felons and just throw them in jail for longer than their sentences should allow." You sneer.
"And that's if they can get a fair sentence."
"Should we, the system, force these convicts into redemption? No, we can't, that is only something that one has to work for. Self reflection is the same; they must reflect on their own transgressions. They could only do so if they regret their actions."
"They can't reflect if they are worried about survival. If the system basically makes it damn near impossible to redeem themselves they're not going to try."
"Do you know what kinds of people you're defending? Do you think these people want to be redeemed?" He suddenly hisses. He presses in close to your face and you feel your skin prickle.
"What kinds of people do you think I am sent after? You think those kinds of people spend their allotted time reflecting? Do you think they care or regret what they've done? You think they wouldn't do it again in a heartbeat?" You open your mouth to speak but he cuts you off.
"Because they would. Because these people don't care about the consequences. About how many people would be harmed or dragged into their mess. I'm not sent after petty thieves and criminals. Wayward researchers are common but not the bulk of my arrests. The students of the Akemdemiya might have spread my name, but don't let it slip your mind that I am the General. I wage war. Not petty battles."
You two stand off for a moment. His normally blank eyes, back-lit by lightning, are alive, red hot, pupils dilated. The corners of his mouth tremble. You wonder what he sees in your face.
You tilt your head. "Then why are you chasing after me?" He gives a barely perceptible flinch, but doesn't back up.
"Because, even if the Sage's judgements are cruel sometimes, it's all for the better good of Sumeru. As long as that is their ideal, I will stand guard by it."
Disappointment is heavy and sour on your tongue. For some reason…you expected better. Maybe it's the Knight in you, Monstadt and the fire of your vision, Freedom and revolution, a song in your breast. But a system that condemns its people unfairly is one you would want to undermine.
One you would want to burn down.
"I asked you a while ago whether you felt if the law was just, or upholding the law was just. You answered me wrong back then." Cyno sneers a little, derisively.
"Well, what would you know?"
"Oh Cyno," you shake your head in pity, however little of it you feel for him. Young, naive boy. "You're such a fucking idiot."
You snake a hand to his nape, and yank him close for a kiss.
He gasps in shock at your movements, but that just lets you deepen the kiss, pulling him closer till his body is pressed against yours. You feel the stutter of his chest, his eye lashes blinking rapidly against your skin, his hand trembling on your shoulder.
But he doesn't pull away.
It's only a moment of shock before you feel his lids close, and he's kissing you back. His lips are a little chapped, but the scrape of them against yours is delicious, and you shiver against him. Just to feel his hands panic before he settles them on the slope of your hips. He's shivering, shoulders jumping.
You pull back and just brush your mouth against his, drawing small circles just below the nape of his hairline.
"What are you doing?" He stutters, you lick the seam of his mouth and smile when he gasps again.
"Do you want me to stop?" Why do you ask? You know your answer. It's in the way his hands grow firmer and he doesn't stop you when you nudge him with your forehead, back into a kiss.
This time it's him who pushes against you. He's clumsy but eager, a little messy; he misses your lips a few times and presses his mouth to a lip, your cheek, your chin, your jaw. You giggle when his lips press to the space underneath your earlobe, and sigh when he travels down. His shoulders tremble under your hands, while you nudge his cheek and guide his lips back to yours.
You tilt your face to deepen the kiss, and draw your leg up, hips aligned. Only now does he let out a punched out gasp, and pushes himself away from you.
His face is flush and his mouth dark and red, shiny with spit. He breathes heavily, and stares at you like you've grown a second head, a nightmare realized. You just smile prettily at him, a little quizzically. It dawns on you quickly though.
"... Cyno, was that your first kiss?" He's acting like it was, face both livid and bashful, and just plain adorable. His face darkens and he takes another step back from you.
"Oh what the…" you both swivel around, to find a young boy in the alleyway with you. Probably on an errand, he looks barely thirteen you'd say, and he stares at you two shell-shocked, a crate in his arms. His wide eyes jump back and forth between the two of you.
"....You didn't see anything, boy." Cyno hisses, and the boy nods amicably.
"You're right, of course I didn't. Now that last sentence I heard though…" Well, that's your cue. You turn, with a quick prayer to Celestia, and dash the hell out of there, a giggle on your lips.
He doesn't chase after you. You go blocks and blocks without any indication otherwise.
That was nice. Really nice. He was gonna kill you. You should really stop messing with that general.
——————
Kaveh has been in an especially good mood lately.
Barely two weeks ago he was bemoaning and whining about completing a project he felt stuck on, now he's drafting blueprints and models, hammering away throughout the night (he's had to wear his soundproof headphones to bed for days now) and furiously scribbling away in his notebook any spare second. He doesn't even rise to his barbs when Al Haitham pokes at him, which is odd.
Alright, that's a lie, he just doesn't get as annoyed.
Luckily he's still willing to overshare to anyone with half an ear that could listen, so it's easy enough to figure out why he's been in such a jolly mood.
"You're friends, with the Bard?"
"Yes! They're fascinating, mind you, I've barely known them for a few weeks but the creativity!! That flows through my head with each interaction is amazing!"
"So you're using a felon as creative inspiration." He scowls like he predicted.
"It's normal for friends to bounce ideas off of each other and inspire each other. If you weren't such a recluse you would know."
"I don't need help with finishing any of my assignments. If you had a little more sense you wouldn't associate yourself with a criminal." He gives his roommate a side eye.
"Knowing how work is going, I assume you'd take more caution with the people you associate with."
"They're not a Felon. A criminal, technically, yes. It's known throughout Sumeru now how much they're hated by the Sages for their performances. They're trying to have the people ostracize them because of that." He's wearing a new hair accessory that he fiddles with, not looking up from his mess on the table.
"And let me guess, they've charmed and endeared the people so, so that is no longer a viable option."
"Yes, exactly. I bailed them out of a precinct four days ago, you should have seen! They were teaching the rest of the inmates some Monstadt tune and it seemed the guards were allowing it, at least until I came in. They started serenading me too as soon as they unlocked their gate." He grins, dopey, and Al Haitham raises an eyebrow at the behavior.
"I've never met someone so unabashedly free spirited, it's so lovely!"
"I've heard that the Sages are growing increasingly frustrated with the fact that The General Mahamatra can't seem to pin them down."
"They know the law," Kaveh shrugs.
"So they're staying low right now to hopefully blow over some steam. They might get an actual sentence if they keep on, so they're looking for some work now. No more performances."
"Hm." Kaveh turnt back to his work and Al Haitham drew away, pondering.
Of course he's heard of you, and with his station he's heard more than just the rumors of the Sages' hatred of you; he's seen and heard it firsthand.
People in the Akademiya are too terrified to even mention your existence for fear of upsetting, not the sages, with their distant judgment and contempt, but the General Mahamatra.
People know when he was sent after you, because those days are the ones where the jackal is more likely to snap at people. The students are more mortified and studious than ever while he storms the halls like a nimbus cloud, dark and crackling.
He's also most likely to shut himself in his office for hours upon hours, and it's only in the late hours, when Al haitham finally decides to head back to his place, is when he sees the young general leave his office. A haunted look hangs in his eyes.
You obviously have some sort of effect, or insane luck, to escape the General so often. Of course he can catch you and throw you in a cell for a few days, it's been done before. But he's hunted and caught greater people for lesser crimes, and you somehow keep getting away with yours.
He just might have to meet up with you soon. Just to see what all the hype is about.
#my stuff#my writing#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#cyno#genshin cyno#kaveh#genshin kaveh#genshin impact cyno#genshin impact kaveh#genshin impact cyno x reader#genshin impact kaveh x reader#cyno x gender neutral reader#kaveh x gender neutral reader#cyno x reader#kaveh x reader#cyno x bard!reader#kaveh x bard!reader#thoughts#al haitham#genshin al haitham#genshin impact al haitham#genshin impact x gender neutral reader#long fic#bard!reader
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Walkis Gang Headcanons - Charles Contini:
Warnings: None; Some slight manga spoilers
Being the only third year and the oldest out of the Walkis gang, Charles is the closest thing to a Responsible Adult™ this motley crew of madlads have. He has definitely looked at his juniors and thought, "Wow, thank god I'm the only normal person here" (No, Charles, no you're not).
Charles had probably one of the happiest childhoods out of the whole gang, because like I said before, most noble families (+ Innocent Zero) are shit at raising their kids. It wasn't 100% that great at first because Charles' father was a dick to Charles and his mom, until Mama Contini had enough and divorced her husband when Charles was still a little kid.
Honestly, shoutout to Mama Contini. One of the few good parents in the upper crust of magic society, and the one who introduced painting to Charles. Her only fault is that she coddles him a bit too much despite him being literally eighteen.
Mama Contini didn't raise no fool, though, because any household chore that needs to be done, Charles does it without being told to and without complaints. He finds it preposterous that there's guys his age and older who don't know shit about cooking, doing their own laundry, or cleaning up after themselves.
Whenever Charles visits his juniors in their dorms, 7 times out of 10 he gets an aneurysm because of how disorganized they are ("Do you make your mothers clean up after you at home, you pigs?!"), and kicks them out of their own rooms so that he can clean the place up from top to bottom. Galuf and Malcolm are the biggest offenders.
GREAT with kids. If anyone at Walkis needs someone to babysit their little siblings, Charles is their guy.
In terms of his magic ability, Charles is strong enough to have a Secondths. He just didn't get a chance to use it during the Tri-Magicathalon because 1) the rules of the Whack-a Mole room prevented him and Lance from directly attacking each other and 2) he underestimated Lance that badly. (I have no idea what his Secondths could be though 😭)
His personal magic, Vorp, currently has a distance limit. Charles can portal himself to anywhere in Walkis and is therefore never late to his classes, but he can't, for instance, create an effective portal connecting his dorm at Walkis to his mom's house. He's working on being able to travel longer distances via portals and is also trying to expand the size of his portals.
He has definitely jump-scared people by suddenly appearing behind them. Even though it's mostly by accident, almost the entire Walkis gang thinks he does it on purpose, and Charles at this point is too tired to correct them. The first time Charles accidentally portaled behind Galuf, Galuf let out a high-pitched scream, and no one has let him forget it since.
I have nothing to back this up, but Charles gives me dorm prefect vibes.
Charles is, in general, a pretty cheerful guy; you just can't tell at first though because his default expression makes him look bored to death at everyone and everything.
An absolute crybaby when he was in middle school at Walkis. It was his first time away from his mom, and the rabbiphone wasn't invented yet, so the homesickness hit him like a truck every damn day for like about a year.
The rest of the Walkis gang is pretty certain that Charles has some sort of pocket dimension in his, well, pockets because whenever someone needs something, Charles always comes in clutch with that exact thing. Galuf's dry eyes? Charles always has eyedrops at the ready. Levis, Lovie, and Domina's hair keeps getting in their way? Charles' got so many hair ties, it's ridiculous. Kenny's feeling more chilly than usual? Charles is already pulling out a handmade scarf. Anyone sneezed? Not to worry, Charles has spare handkerchiefs. And of course, there's his rabbiphone.
If there's anyone from Easton that Charles would actually get along with, it would be Margarette because they both have 'maternal instincts'. Listen, just imagine these two having brunch and gossiping about the shenanigans their rowdy kids juniors get into at their schools. Heck, they'd probably try to out-mother each other like it's some competition.
For the love of god, do NOT leave Charles alone in the same room with Lance ever. They will throw hands (wands?) at the slightest provocation. Charles is incapable of withholding snide remarks, Lance's Divine Visionary status be damned, and Lance won't hesitate to put him in his place. The siscon vs mama's boy beef is eternal.
#Mashle#mashle headcanons#charles contini#mia writes stuff#Had to go back and edit it because I just did not like how it looked#Also added some extra stuff
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Sweetapple Slice 5
Alexander Sweetapple series
@idontknowreallywhy asked:
What kind of music does your character enjoy?
...and the boys didn't really answer it very well. It got tied up in one of the other questions and didn't answer that either, but whatever. Have 2000 words of tired Virgil, meddling Gords, and an Alex who finally has an idea of what he's gotten himself into...and honestly, he doesn't mind at all.
Many thanks to @onereyofstarlight who read part of this before bed tonight, but afterwards it took a left turn at Alberqueque and ended up here. Also thanks go to @katblu42 for joining in the plot sparking late this afternoon.
I would also like to especially thank the wonderful group of Thunderfam who keep egging me on to write more Sweetapple. I hope you're having fun with what you're inspiring ::hugs the lot of you::
I hope you enjoy :D
-o-o-o-
It had been a long rescue and honestly Virgil was tired despite it being only the middle of the afternoon. But he owed Alex a visit as this was the third time he had had to bug out on a planned get together. It was habit he couldn’t fight, but he could at least apologise.
Gordon, of course, knew Virgil had missed another date due to his job and had been nagging him to go down to Māhia and ‘kiss Alex’s face off’ to make up for it.
Somehow this action involved his fish brother coming along, apparently to watch?
Well, his brother’s motivations were his own, generally kind of trustworthy, and Virgil was too tired to care.
All he wanted was to see his boyfriend, make sure he hadn’t screwed anything up permanently, and maybe share a hug and a kiss that could help make everything better.
He didn’t take Two, instead being a good non-disturbing-neighbourly type and flew down in Tracy Two instead.
It took far too long in comparison.
Gordon was as tired as Virgil, but in contrast was much more chirpy and somewhat annoying. Why was he coming anyway?
Virgil reached out and touched the thermos containing a brew from the coffee station on Two and couldn’t help but smile at the thought.
Gordon eyed him but didn’t say a thing.
They landed on the strip with much less fanfare than a Thunderbird, and, stashing the personal jet, both brothers began the walk to the central facility.
“How are you feeling?”
Virgil frowned, fiddling with the jacket he had folded over one arm. “Fine. Why?”
“Well, you have been heavy lifting for most of the day. Can’t a bro ask how his brother is feeling?”
Virgil stopped and stared at Gordon for a moment. “Did you come all the way down here just to keep an eye on me? I’ve been through medical, Gords.” It was both frustrating and loveable of him.
“I just wanted to make sure you made it safe.” He grinned. “And you know, when you decide to stay the night, I can fly the plane back for you.” Gordon was wiggling his eyebrows with plenty of implication.
Virgil hit him with his jacket.
Turning he increased his pace towards the main buildings, ignoring his brother.
Gordon snorted behind him and ran to catch up. “Things are going great with you two, aren’t they?”
“Gordon.”
“Hey, I reserve the right to care about you.”
Virgil sighed and stopped again. “Gordon.”
“Okay, okay, I know you’re pretty private about this stuff, and honest, I’m not making fun of you. I just want to make sure you’re happy.”
Virgil reached out and placed a hand on his little brother’s shoulder. “Everything is fine. I’m happy. I promise. I’m just a little tired today.”
“Gee, I wonder why. It’s not like you lifted seventeen tonnes of concrete off a class of school children this morning or anything.”
“Gordon!”
But his little brother was staring at him, something soft in his eyes. “C’mon, let’s get you hooked up with your man. Maybe he’ll let you use his bubble bath machine.” Gordon wrapped an arm around one of Virgil’s and began walking him up the path towards the lab buildings.
A grunt and Virgil found himself just doing as he was told.
God, he was tired.
Wait a minute.
“How do you know about the bubble bath machine?!”
Gordon cackled and kept dragging him forward.
-o-o-o-
They ran into Erica just outside Alex’s lab. ‘Ran into’ actually as she stepped in front of both of them physically forcing them to stop.
Virgil opened his mouth to question, but Erica held up a finger to her lips and he swallowed instead.
She led them up to Alex’s lab and quietly opened the door, grinning at them both, again indicating they should be quiet.
Down the hall and into the first of the labs…
Alex had his back to them, obviously working at his laptop…well, kind of working. The man was not sitting down, he was on his feet, dancing, a large pair of headphones on his head. The view was…inspiring and lifted Virgil’s mood mightily, but that wasn’t all.
Alex was singing.
It was obviously a rendition of ‘How Far I’ll Go’ from the Disney musical Moana, but the voice that was often frantic or studied in design, was focussed, on key, and honestly just good.
Wow.
A sound from Virgil’s right and he found Gordon fit to blow a gasket in suppressed laughter. Erica’s eyes were dancing with mirth.
His eyes flicked back to Alex as the engineer wiggled all his bits, one arm gesturing towards some horizon only he could see.
Another sound leaked out of his fish brother.
Virgil turned and, with the strength of his eyebrows, hustled both Gordon and Erica out of the room. Enough glare threatened Gordon into sensibility and his little brother sobered into a genuine smile.
Enough that Virgil trusted him to keep quiet long enough for him to be threatened later at least. Then he shut the door quietly in both their faces.
Turning back to Alex, he was relieved to see that he was still dancing and oblivious to their invasion.
Virgil wasn’t sure whether to make his presence known, or just sit down and enjoy the show.
He should do the former, but he actually did the latter and, putting down the thermos and his jacket, sat down on a nearby chair and watched.
Alex wasn’t a physical man. He liked long walks on beaches and he did keep himself trim and healthy, something Virgil could definitely appreciate. But he didn’t visit the gym or play any sport. Engineering was his passion and a passion Virgil shared with him, but while rescues, medicine, music and art also shared Virgil’s brain, Alex had never mentioned any hobbies other than his passion for engineering. His focus gave him his brilliance.
Yet, here he was singing, and singing well. It was obvious his voice had been trained at some point because it was just good.
The musician in Virgil fell in love all over again.
The rest of him didn’t mind the dancing either.
But Alex must’ve caught a whiff of the coffee in the thermos and spun around. “Virgil!”
The way his face lit up when Alex said his name would never grow old.
“Hey.” He pushed himself off the chair and his body groaned at him. Okay, a bit stiff from earlier, surprise, surprise.
“Are you okay?” The headphones were flung to one side and the engineer was hurrying over.
Virgil held up a hand. “I’m fine.” He finally straightened. “But you, where did you learn to sing like that?”
Alex’s eyes widened and his face went through several shades of red before deciding on an embarrassed pink. “You heard that?”
Virgil didn’t hesitate, wrapping his arms around him in reassurance. “I did. Your voice is good. Where did you train?”
“Uh, choir in school?”
“What? Really?”
Alex shrugged. “Okay, I admit, Mum did get a tutor in and they said I could have done something with my voice.” Another shrug. “Engineering was more fun.”
Virgil stared up at him. “You still could.”
A grin. “Engineering is still more fun.”
“So you don’t take requests?”
“Oh, that depends who’s asking.” An exaggerated sniff of the air. “And if he brought his opera-inducing coffee with him.”
“Oh, we’re talking coffee bribery now?” He reached for the thermos.
“Uh-huh.” Alex drew him in closer. “Gotta have my coffee, after all.”
A scuffle at the door and Gordon poked his head in. “Hey, Alex!” Erica appeared next to him, apparently attempting to yank the aquanaut out of the room…with no success.
“Gordon!” Alex said it with surprise.
Virgil said it with frustration.
“Hey, just letting your boy know that you are tired and in need of a little TLC.”
Virgil took a step forward.
“Well, it’s not like you’re going to tell him, is it? Alex, he over did it this morning. Lifted several too many tonnes.” Gordon held up a hand, his face sober. “He’s okay, I promise. No injuries. Just exhausted and aching, if I read my Virgil right.”
Virgil put everything into his glare.
Gordon ignored him.
“He needs a little looking after, is what I’m trying to say, Alex. And I know you are the man for the job.” Gordon offered a soft smile. “The only man for the job.”
Virgil looked between Alex and his fish brother and it was obvious something he was unaware of was being communicated.
Alex smiled just a little. “FAB.”
“Thanks, Alex.” Gordon waved to the both of them. “You’ve got a great voice there, Apples, and those hip wiggles are to die for!”
Virgil moved, but Gordon was out the door and gone.
He let his shoulders drop, turning slowly to face his boyfriend. “I feel I am going to spend the rest of my life apologising for my brothers.”
Alex was in his space rubbing his shoulders, his hands sliding down Virgil’s arms until his hands caught fingers. “He’s Gordon. You’ve said it yourself; he only bites the ones he loves.” An exhale. “Now, apparently I work flexitime. Which means I can stop work and attend to the ones I love, making the time up later.”
Virgil snorted. “At this point, I think Tracy Industries owes you time rather than the reverse. Erica was very adamant the last time she dobbed you in.”
“What?!”
As if called by name, Erica stuck her head through the door. “It was 3am! For the second night running!” Pink pigtails bobbed in indignation.
“Erica!”
It was probably the exhaustion, but Virgil found himself giggling. Hysteria, maybe?
“You were walking into doors!”
“Erica, for goodness sake!”
“Leaving. Gonna go talk with Mr Tracy and maybe do some math on those hours of yours.”
“For the love of-“
Virgil was still giggling. Definitely hysteria. He sat down on the chair again.
“As I was saying…” Alex paused as if waiting for anyone else who had an opinion on the matter to rudely interrupt.
There was silence.
“As I was saying…” Alex dropped an arm around Virgil’s back and rubbed gently. “Want to come back to my place?”
“Always.” His voice was more breath than anything else, caught between the wheeze of laughter and the exhaustion that was determined to have its way with him sooner or later.
Standing up again proved the point as everything creaked.
Gordon apparently knew how to read his Virgil.
A small smile at his brother’s terminology. He really did mean well.
“C’mon, you can have exclusive use of the bubble bath machine.”
“Exclusive?” Virgil looked up at Alex as the engineer led him out of the lab. “Not going to join me?”
“I haven’t been given any coffee yet.”
Virgil slipped out from under his arm, darted back into the lab, and grabbed the thermos. Puffing just a little, he jogged back to Alex and handed him the coffee. “Here.”
“I was kidding!” But Alex took the thermos anyway and wrapped his arm around Virgil’s shoulders again, pulling him close. “Let’s get you out of prying eyes so we can get into the TLC of the deal, okay?”
“I’m fine, Alex.”
“Then you can enjoy it even more, can’t you.”
As Alex herded him out towards the residential block, Virgil caught sight of Erica and Gordon talking in a corner and had the distinct feeling something had been planned. That somehow he had been cornered.
And perhaps Alex, too.
But as he was led through the familiar apartment front door while Alex listed off the contents of the latest Engineering Weekly, Virgil found that he really didn’t mind at all.
He could sit with the man he loved, maybe fall asleep in his arms, listening to his wonderful voice, and let the day slip away.
He closed his eyes.
A soft kiss to his forehead. He found himself in front of Alex’s sofa.
“Sit down, love, and rest.”
Drawing Alex into his arms, he lowered both of them down and rested his head on his shoulder.
He closed his eyes.
“Okay.”
-o-o-o-
#thunderbirds are go#thunderbirds#thunderbirds fanfiction#virgil tracy#gordon tracy#alexander sweetapple#romance#nuttyfic#virgil tracy/alexander sweetapple
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During the pregnancy I imagine that Peach of course sings to her baby to calm herself and the baby down. Just imagine her sitting in the garden while rubbing her own belly and singing nursery rhymes. And I am asking you, do you have any headcanons about this as well?
Oh-ho, don’t even get me started on the role singing plays in the whole ordeal. Too late! Ya got me started~
Mario’s a really good singer, but for one reason or another he just doesn’t feel comfortable singing around anybody except Luigi or Peach; even then, he doesn’t sing around them much at all. But Peach adores his voice and will occasionally attempt to cajole him into singing for her. He plays along and makes a big show of resisting before ultimately giving her that song she wants, dancing around with her and being generally overdramatic, and it’s a great deal of fun!
But on very rare occasions, he’ll sing for her without provocation. It’s always during moments of quiet intimacy, as though his heart’s just too full and it’ll burst unless he pours it out in song, or whenever she’s under strain and there’s no immediate way he can help her other than to comfort her. And those songs are soft, low, mellow, and nine times out of ten in Italian. When he sings for her like that, all feels right with the world.
Her first real bout of morning sickness sees her violently ill at four in the morning, and Mario leaves her just long enough to send a summon for the head nurse. Peach is curled up on the tiles of the darkened bathroom, and Mario returns with a blanket, sets her head in his lap, and sings softly to her as he strokes her hair. While Mario internally panics over her condition, Peach is wrapped in the warmth of his voice; she feels light and drowsy, like he’s cocooning her in pure comfort, and for a while all of her nausea falls to the wayside.
He does it again that night, laying in bed together after finding out that he’s going to be a father. She can’t understand the words, but the melody is simple and repetitive, and she quickly realizes he’s singing a lullaby. It’s enough to make her cry.
In the coming weeks, she asks him to teach her the same lullabies his mother sang to him and Luigi as children. So he does! He’ll introduce a new one every night until he runs out of lullabies he actually remembers (it HAS been a while since he was a kid). The English lullabies she of course picks up quickly; she’s particularly fond of the one with the diamond ring and looking glass, because, as Mario affectionately points out, showering a baby with expensive gifts it can’t even use is 100% something she would do. The Italian lullabies take more time, so he’ll start by translating them line-by-line (during which he realizes for the first time just how morbid some of them are…) and then singing it slowly so Peach can join in and mimic his intonation.
And since lullabies can get pretty repetitive, he’ll take regular breaks to sing different songs to her so she doesn’t go crazy. The truth is, she could never grow tired of his voice, no matter how many times he repeats the same handful of stanzas… but she certainly won’t object, because he’s sang for her more in the past month than he has in all the time she’s known him.
It feels a bit silly when she thinks about it, two grown adults singing children’s songs back and forth to each other all night. But those songs become part of their daily repertoire, and every time Mario starts sleepily murmuring one with his head on her chest and a hand on her stomach, or every time she approaches him in the middle of the day just to ask if she’s pronouncing a line correctly; every time she hears him humming about Fra’ Simon in the shower and then groaning about it being stuck in his head, and every time he tries to surprise her in the garden after their duties are complete for the day, only to find her singing the same song while rubbing soothing patterns over her belly; they both fall a little bit harder for one another.
#tw pregnancy#I grew up in a singing family so this kinda shit is close to my heart#as for me#I couldn’t carry a tune if it had a handle#I gained my family’s passion for music but none of their talent 😅#I can play the clarinet! and I’m into vocal synthesis of that counts! but I myself am SHIT at singing#I digress!#peaches has opinions#mareach#daddy marioposting
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so average-mako-enjoyer made this post about Shepard being forced to have a social media account for morale and only posting hamster pictures and like
I read that and immediately had four different Shepards yelling at me in my head (I blame @shadoedseptmbr's Aedan tags) 🤣🤣🤣
*
Weaver would in fact include hamster pictures, but they'd be macro pictures of like, whiskers and toes only.
The whole account would all only be macro photos. No tags, no comments, no explanations, no definitions. No time stamps or metadata, all expertly wiped, no location cues beyond maybe the quality of the light... which isn't that hard to manipulate after all, if you've got an omnitool and some good flashlight/spotlight blueprints.
It's all just exquisite close-ups of pieces of gravel and seeds and leaves and pollen or fractions of circuit boards and weird screws or clamps or the odd pattern of wear on a [redacted but clearly the Mako for those in the know] tire.
She and Aeden would clearly get along great.
*
Ngaio would flat out refuse. (She would've done it if she'd met Traynor sooner, because she can refuse Traynor nothing, but that was too late, on several levels.)
*
Ella would be asked to make an account after she gets her N7 status and starts showing up in the news periodically; she's told to try and soften the public image of the infamous Butcher of Torfan.
She does set something up, posts some generic pretty Alliance Training Stock Photos, the kind you get in a recruiters office, but that's it for ages.
And then she posts five separate in-depth tutorials in a row, three on astronomy and two on France of all things, one specifically about the language, one about cooking.
Then nothing again.
And then a three-part series on astral navigation, and how different species figured out the math for measuring where the fuck they were in space.
Then a thing on baking with chocolate, including how to convert levo recipes to dextro (and vice versa) and which things were more likely to translate into something that might still taste good.
She never shows herself however, so it does fuck all to counter all the pics and videos of her stalking around heavily armed and armored in full gear, occasionally with a bit of a blue halo from biotics usage, generally glaring or scowling as she avoids reporters trying to get a comment.
Most people don't connect her socials to the Butcher of Torfan at all, and those that do assume someone else is running the account in her name in a failed Alliance PR stunt.
After the Battle of the Citadel, there are enough recordings of her helping with clean-up efforts and being polite at formal ceremonies to make it clear that the Butcher and the Shepard-who-goes-on-weird-tangents-on-social-media are actually the same person, who is also POSSIBLY a galactic hero, so the whispers about Torfan finally start to fade out a little...
And then she dies.
*
Ward would be some terrifying (but delightful once you got past the scowl) combination of Adam Savage and Mercury Stardust because he would legit show people how to take things apart and upgrade and fix them (and which bits are 'legal-ish' depending on whether they technically own them or not) but also things probably explode sometimes (or at the very least spark A Lot™️) and Tali guests wearing glorious (flame-retardant) Turian fashions and ALSO sometimes PROPRIETARY TECH THAT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE and no one ever bleeps ANY of Jack's swearing and sometimes the three of them are gleefully trying to make something that probably shouldn't exist and some poor Alliance PR officer cries in their office sometimes because they are actually spectacular PR and GREAT for morale and also they break so many TOS's but it's Commander Fucking Shepard so who's gonna tell him to stop?
#mass effect#me ot#OC BBs#weaver shepard#ngaio shepard#ella shepard#ward shepard#did I have a random meta/headcanon tag?#I cannot remember#whatever the fuck
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You ever think about how, like,
themes of abandonment and found family and breaking cycles and loss and grief and realizing that having emotions is okay and that bettering yourself as a person upon realizing than you're more than your generational trauma and just overall that learning and growing from past mistakes is normal just...
Run rampant, in Ninjago?
Cuz like,
I sure fucking do-
Like-
Lloyd is the obvious example, right? He tried to continue Garmadon's legacy as an evil and deeply feared dark prince of pure evil and it just didn't work out. Instead, he broke that cycle. He created a place for himself in a dysfunctional family of other runaways and orphans and ambitious children who set out to be more than they were told they could be, found a strange team of people who all cared in their own unique ways, and ended up being exactly the opposite of everything he thought he was destined to be
Which comes with it's own problems. Cut to later, closer to the end of the series, and by then you've gotten to a point where most, if not all of Lloyd's traumas are from misdirected anger and violence, actions based in blind rage and seeking vengeance as closure. Lloyd's worst fear is being just like his dad, but... that's not quite it, is it? He's afraid of anger and how it consumes people, afraid of how easily it blinds others. He's afraid of allowing himself to feel anger because he doesn't want to be like everyone he's ever been forced to deal with on that level, and it ties into how seasons 9 and 16 both resolved.
But that.
That's just Lloyd briefly summarized.
It continues.
Zane is another good example. He had no idea who he was for a good long time, and yet he too found a new home for himself among others who seemed just as aimless, had Wu not come along and offered them his training. Even when he did find out, the others just suddenly had a lot of context to the weird things he would do and moved the fuck on, like, that fast. So fucking fast. It wasn't an issue.
But let me stop you right there.
It was usually used in gags, but it's emphasis repeatedly that Zane's primary objective is and always has been to protect others.
Translation: He was built and programmed to have a savoir complex UNRIVALED, and that makes itself PRETTY DAMN APPARENT, PRETTY DAMN FAST. Like, do I even need to give you examples? Zane actively puts himself in harms way SO OFTEN that he literally, no shit, HAS A REOCCURRING THEME THAT SIGNALS GREAT HARM HAS BEFALLEN HIM.
It's never said directly, but Zane puts himself into a lot of dangerous situations under the logic that it's better him than anyone else, his skin is made of metal and thus he's harmed the least. Which is. So bad. Like, I really hope I don't have to explain how bad that is, because wow.
This never really goes away, but he does get a lot better at thinking about the risk certain actions pose to himself. Just based on his actions during early crystallized, he now prioritizes the well being of his family above all else- even with his emotions turned so low that he's effectively only capable of taking the most logical of approaches. Breaking into the high security cell to release one of the highest priority villains of the city? That has no rhyme or reason, nor does it ensure the safety of the city- it actively endangers it.
And yet.
He does it anyway. Because of Nya.
Zane is fucking built different bro. Literally.
Oh, I'm sorry, did you think I was done?
Idiot.
...I mean, I am done, I'm tired and it's late and I have shit to do in the morning, but I could go on. I could. Cole and Harumi and Kai and pretty much everyone are sweating in their fucking boots right now.
I probably will.
...Later, when I have more time.
TL;DR:
Basically, Ninjago is a fucking masterpiece and should really sacrifice their PG rating to explore some of these topics a touch better because DAMN THERE'S POTENTIAL HERE
#that moment when you word vomit a character essay accidentally#two of them technically#ninjago#ninjago analysis#lloyd garmadon#zane julien#lloyd ninjago#zane ninjago#character essay#we love when shows have a lot of interconnecting themes that correlate to their severely traumatized main characters#lance rambles
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Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #127
It's late where I live - almost midnight, and I'm very tired. J and I are on another road trip to PA. This time, he and I are going to fly the plane he got back home. After his shift at work, we drove for 4 hours to a place called Buffalo. We will drive the rest of the way to a place called Zelienople in the morning. Then we will fly back; J will be piloting the plane, of course. J is not yet used to flying this plane, but it's very similar to the one that he already knows well; he knows what he's doing, and I trust, without question or hesitation, that he will keep us safe. I'll be back in my house by this time tomorrow with LOTS of pictures to show you, so don't you worry about a thing, okay?
Br came over and I introduced her to the chocolate-cheddar cheese I got when we went to see the eclipse (it tastes like fudge; it's SO GOOD!), and that was pretty great! But I'm still pretty tired because I spent most of the day before the trip being emotional support for various folks. Some of the interactions challenged my boundary skills, but this is a good thing; we don't grow without some level of discomfort, and our boundary skills never improve if we don't get practice. I'm much better at it now than I used to be, and I'm looking forward to seeing where I'll be with this skill in another few years.
Since writing the letter to my inner child, I've had a lot more faith in my own ability to grow, change, and improve. It's kind of refreshing, actually. Self-loathing is kind of heavy, isn't it? I know I'll probably have days when I'll get a setback, but I've already grown enough in other ways to be very familiar with that phenomenon. One of the most important things one must remember when having a setback is that having a setback, in and of itself, means that there has been progress, and progress can be reproduced over and over and over again until it sticks. Human brains are learning machines, after all. I hope you'll put all the effort you can into learning how to genuinely love and care for yourself; it's one of the most important things you can do.
Oh! I made myself a strawberry rooibos tea today, too! Normally I like to drink black tea or green tea, but today I wanted to limit my caffeine consumption somewhat; caffeine dehydrates a body, and I've been struggling to keep hydrated lately for some reason; figured the thing to do, at least for today, is to try not to make my body use water to cleanse the caffeine from my system. Here's how today's turned out...
This one starts out orange-ish, and then resolves into a lovely shade of red:
I added some creamed honey; it settles to the bottom quite nicely:
And from there, I added heavy cream:
...I think you might like this flavor. It's like strawberries and cream; it's sweet and tart and very milky in flavor. Sometimes I think about combining this one with the vanilla-rose black tea (which is another one I think you'd absolutely love). I'll do that soon and tell you all about it, okay?
I don't have much else to say today; I'm pretty drained. But I do have a lot of pictures I took for you while we drove, simply because I know you like nature. I'll show you the ones that turned out best. It'll be mostly pictures of the sky, though; we didn't get moving until like 6pm-ish, so the lighting wasn't great for general scenery...
...Hey Sephiroth? Next time you're up in the sky, I hope you'll make it a point to dance merrily amongst the sun-drenched clouds - especially during dawn or during sunset, when they're painted in all sorts of vibrant colors; their kaleidoscopic brilliance would look amazing reflected off of you, I'm sure. And maybe you'd have fun, too.
That's all I've got for you today. Thanks for tagging along with me on this brief adventure. Please remember that there are folks here who like to imagine that the prismatic colors splashed upon the clouds by the morning and evening sun are the same as the ones that radiate from the deepest parts of your soul.
I love you. I'll write again soon. Please stay safe out there.
Your friend, Lumine
#sephiroth#ThankYouFFVIIDevs#ThankYouFF7Devs#ThankYouSephiroth#final fantasy vii#final fantasy 7#ff7#ffvii#final fantasy vii crisis core#final fantasy 7 crisis core#final fantasy crisis core#ffvii crisis core#ff7 crisis core#crisis core#ff7r#final fantasy vii remake#final fantasy 7 remake#ffvii remake#ff7 remake#final fantasy vii rebirth#final fantasy 7 rebirth#ffvii rebirth#ff7 rebirth#final fantasy 7 ever crisis#ffvii ever crisis#ff7 ever crisis#ffvii first soldier#boundary skills#road trip#wholesome
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I agree he hasn’t looked great lately, but I don’t think it’s just him aging, he’s just like NOT leaning into his strengths. The blonde was a step in the right direction but generally he still doesn’t know how to play to his strengths.
Like he’s got that tight little body- SHOW IT OFF. He got those lips WEAR SOME REAL LIP COLOR! He’s got siren eyes- BRING BACK THE CUNTY MAKEUP!
He can still dance but half assess all his little videos. He does dumb kpoppy style dances instead of his pretty and unique modern style. Why?????
for some reason it’s like he’s given up everything that makes him special. And honestly that makes everything harder cuz the POTENTIAL is still all there. He just clearly has no understanding or interest in it. And I’m sooooo tired of waiting for it.
THIS HAS PLAGUED ME ALL YEAR I JUST WANNA BE FREE. Anyway I’ll stop bothering you now just plz enjoy 2019 as long as you possibly can 🥲
Oh don't talk to me about the bangtannie's wasted potential I'll start commiting recreational suicide..... It's like they all turned 30 and became ALLERGIC to makeup, because they're MEN not GAY LITTLE KPOP BOYS, they have to look NATURAL and MANLY and NOT CUNT AT ANY COST and BASIC and PALATABLE TO THE AMERICAN AUDIENCES!!! Jk im mostly looking at you, fell off disasterous after the ck shoot..... Like how do you see your own nonbinary swag potential and still decide to go right back to being het4pay?????
Jimin too busy """fixing""" his teeth and getting nose fillers to realize that he has to embrace being UNIQUE... They spent 3 years preaching "love yourself" and still can't even fathom doing anything remotely INTERESTING or GROUNDBREAKING, just following along in someone else's footsteps, walking the ALREADY PAVED way with the lowest effort imaginable because armeries will push them through and give them success no matter what...
I wish I could just blame it on fear of homophobia, like maybe Jimin wants to slay but the company/fear of the general public is scaring him, but I'm afraid it's a problem much larger in scale..... Or maybe they're just all tired and don't CARE about making statements anymore. And their styling direction team is being unimaginative pussies. The fame scared them all I fear, that's why Taemin (still wildly successful, but without the world's pressure on him) is releasing revolutionary softcore porn and Jungkook is releasing h&m music we'll all forget in 3 business days.
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Last Pegasus Ch. 1
Hello everyone and welcome to the FIRST CHAPTER of my original story! I know it's been a LONG while since I posted the Prologue to this story so I hope you all who read this will be interested in further chapters and artworks! This is my dream to put my characters into a story and share with people! This story was inspired by many things so I hope it's fun!
🚫🚫🚫PLEASE DO NOT STEAL THIS IS AN ORIGINAL WORK!!!🚫🚫🚫
💚💚💚PLZ LIKE SHARE AND COMMENT YOUR OPINIONS! ID LIKE TO SEE EM AND PLZ GIVE A FOLLOW FOR MORE!💚💚💚
Thank you and happy reading!
💜- Kat/Lime the Author
WARNINGS: censored cursing, anxiety, mostly safe stuff, very fluffy and wholesome
As the sun started to rise high in the sky, I sat alone in the garden. Doodling away in my sketchbook as my younger sister practiced magic. It was late summer for us as the breeze blew by. Even the cold hasn't nipped the warmth yet. My mind fluttered to new lands as I drew. It was like from memories in past lives but that would be silly. A misfired spell brought me back to my senses with a scream and I looked in the direction of my sister.
"Whoops…sorry sis…" she apologized.
"It's alright Ava, but try not to do complicated spells too often. Your tattoos haven't even come in and you're much older than 13 years old." I patted her head.
"I know but I'm tired of it all…I want to be like you guys and fly or do complicated spells and tricks!" She sighed as her ears drooped.
"One day you'll have your chance. Just be patient" I picked up my sketchbook.
"Just like how you're testing Uncle Laurence's patience?"
I looked at her confused then looked at my phone. Oh sh*t. I WAS LATE!!!
"Great Gods! I'm late!! I have to go Ava…umm…try not to blow up the castle by accident…again" I chuckled nervously then raced to the stables to find my wolf, Urion, waking up from his nap.
"I take it you just looked at your phone…" he yawned.
"Shush! Yes and now I'm late! Come on!" I climbed onto his big back and we were off to the town below the castle.
Racing down the main street we stopped at the location we were to meet at. It was a local cafe my twin worked at. The streets along the way seem to be bustling in the early light of day as buildings line the sidewalks. People from far and wide have seemed to call this kingdom home for as long as I can remember. After a bit of running, we arrived at the cafe. Urion let me off and turned into a human form to not take up space plus he didn't want to shed in the place.
"Welcome your majesty~~~" Speaking of the daemons themselves…my twin piped in.
"Flash you know you don't have to blurt that out loud"
"I know but it's funny, Uncle Laurence came in about an hour ago, you're lucky he's lenient on you."
"I know and I'm sorry, could you make my drink to go while I speak to him" I held up my card.
"No problem, I'm about to get off my shift anyways, Doofus can cover me"
"But you're the manager here…"
"And he's co-manager" they raised their brow.
"And I wonder what he's more into…you or the leadership complex in general…"
"Just shut up and go to Uncle Laurence" they huffed
I chuckled as I made my way to the couches in the back. There I saw our Uncle. He was clutching his cane in front of him. He was still pretty young for his age to be handicapped the way he was but it was an accident that caused his predicament. He came out of his thoughts from staring out the window when I approached and he gave a soft smile.
"Ah, Kat, I see you woke Urion up as well. He needed the exercise." My uncle chuckled as he adjusted himself with a beaming smile he always seemed to have.
"Yeah…sorry for being late, I was stuck in my fantasy world while Ava practiced. Her misfire brought me back to reality" I chuckled embarrassingly.
"Is that so hm? Well as long as she didn't hurt herself…" he sighed
"So what did you want to talk about? Is it more training? A new spell? Are you getting weaker??" I asked.
"I'm just fine, I just wanted to tell you, since your 21st birthday is coming up, your final training courses will be up soon. Soon you'll be one step closer to being a fully fledged Guardian." He smiled.
"Fully fledged?! B-but what will happen to you?"
"Only time will tell but I just wanted to get it out of the way while I still can…before I'm bound to a bed or wheelchair for the rest of my days."
"That is true…" my ears drooped.
"Don't be so doubtful of your abilities either, I know you'll do well and make a name for yourself."
"If you say so, may I ask why? Why so soon?" I looked at him with concern.
"There have been some…changes in the world and I need you and your siblings to investigate it further in my stead. I fear it may be more that I can handle on my own." He adjusted in his seat, fiddling with the top of his cane.
I nodded as my thoughts began to wander about. Why now? Why me? Are my siblings and I ready for such responsibilities? Am I truly ready…? I guess only time will tell of my predicament. Then the sound of the slamming employee door brought me back to reality again. There stood Flash with drinks in hand near us.
"Oi! I just got off! Where are we going? Sounded important Uncle Hobbs" Flash cracked a smile.
"…I wish your father didn't teach you that nickname…" Uncle Laurence chuckled out a sigh as he prepared to get up, "We're gonna head out to the Council House to address certain matters that have popped up in different regions of our world. Important matters."
"Sweet…road trip" Flash smirked as she handed us our drinks before sipping on hers.
"Will others be joining us?" I spoke up.
"I've already briefed Gavin of the situation early this morning but it's up to you to see what you want to do after this meeting." He announced as he got up with a wobble. Urion caught his arm as he leaned.
"Steady…" Urion said in a calm monotone voice.
"You really are like your mother, young one" Laurence smiled as he stood tall before looking at me. "My leg hasn't given out completely yet! I'll be fine, Lil Dove."
"If you say so but if you ever feel weak, I'll make sure Auntie Atla gives you an ear full when she gets the chance!" I giggled.
"But I'm only in my late forties~" he said in a sing-song tone.
"Forty going on eighty…" Flash smirked while sipping her coffee. Uncle Laurence tilted his cane to trip her up while being stable. Nearing spilling the coffee in the process as Flash walked into the trap.
I snickered as I saw the stumbling act. Flash was glaring forwards as we walked out of the coffee shop together.
★★★★★
After fifteen to twenty minutes of walking down the sidewalks of Yoitz, we arrived at the Council House downtown. Walking down the ivory carpeted hallways of the building we made it to a meeting room. Along the way my anxiety was being tossed left and right. I was just a little nervous ball and Flash just sipped away, holding my hand. As soon as we all sat down, Uncle Laurence pulled out some documents pertaining to the situations he mentioned.
"Since you two will be 21 in a few months, I figured I should share some important information with you to lighten my load a bit. You are old enough to shoulder a reasonable task at hand. My Guardian duties are not a walk in the park." He had a saddened look on his face before he took a deep breath and lets out a tired sigh.
"W-Why? What's going on?" My stutter slipped into my words.
Uncle Laurence opened up the folder he had in his bag, "We don't know the complete story but there has been a rise of Gryffin activity near the north west coast of Scavaheim, near the port town of Hearth Harbor. The locals there have been getting worried with the Test of Bravery coming up at the end of the month."
"What are a bunch of big birds gonna do huh? The Scavens are Giants are they not?!" Flash hissed.
Uncle Laurence glanced at Flash with a stern look, "Yes but they're sacred animals to the patron deity in the area and there's not much they can do besides defend and scare them off."
"Is there something we can do? What about Auntie Atla? What is she doing on the matter?" I spoke up.
"I have sent her to look into the matter but she may need your help for future insights while she takes care of the Test of Bravery." He looked at us.
"Don't you want to…ya know…meet her?" Flash spoke in a sarcastic-like tone, raising an eyebrow.
"As much as I would LOVE to see her, I've already been told off by her to stay and rest up. She gave me an earful earlier this week…" he said in a defeated way. Good job Auntie.
"Well she is your wife and the Guardian of Bravery! Of course she's looking out for your well being!" I chuckled.
"She's stubborn, that's what she is…" he giggled out a smile.
"Who all will be going with us to Scavaheim?" Flash drank the last of her coffee and tossed it in the trash.
"Your sister Terri will be joining you along with Gavin for good measure. Terri will also be joining in this year's Test of Bravery among other young Scavens. You'll prepare to leave by the end of the week." Laurence said with a serious tone.
"We'll do just that Sir, you can count on us!" I nodded a smile.
"I know I can, just try your best and lead them" Laurence placed a hand on my shoulder and then we hugged. We hugged for a short while before Flash, Urion and I left the building with the report.
My stomach began to flip flop in my body. My worries must really want to become real as I held my, possibly cold by now, hot chocolate. This will be my first time traveling without my parents or my uncle outside the kingdom. I try to calm myself by putting documents in my bag and sipping on my drink. A message notification got me out of my thoughts again. I looked at my phone to see a message from my adoptive brother, Gavin. He felt more like a friend than a brother but more or less he lived in the castle with us, and now he has his own place. I tapped on the notification to see what he wanted.
[ Hey you ok? Just got off from work ]
[ Yeah… just a little worried…was in a meeting with Flash and Urion. He looked super bored lol ]
[ Overwhelming huh? ]
[ …Yeah… ]
[ Pizza or Steak? ]
[ Pizza plz ]
[ No problem, see you soon. Be careful coming over ]
[ Thanks Gavin, see ya ]
"That your boyfriend~~~?" Flash was leaning over with a sneaky smirk, looking at my phone.
"AH!? NO!!" I retaliated.
"Jeez!!! I'm kidding! I know it's Gavin…" Flash chuckled, "I'll see you soon, I'll find my own way home, you take Urion to Gavin's"
"Thanks, I'll save you a slice" I smiled and walked in the direction of Gavin's apartment with Urion.
As we walked I could tell Urion was looking at me. Poor thing always worries in silence. I gave him a soft smile as I held his hand for good measure. I could tell his non-existent tail was wagging on his human form before he turned into a wolf again. We soon arrived at the apartment complex, I buzzed us into the building. Urion stood close to me as we walked to the door and I unlocked it with my spare key. There stood Gavin setting up the coffee table with pizzas and drinks. He turned around and smiled his signature gentle grin. He sure does know how to host guests that's for sure.
"Welcome Home, Your Highness" he spoke in a joking matter as he gestured to the coffee table and couch.
"Ha Ha very funny, you know me butthead" I chuckled and gave him a big hug.
As he hugged back, he breathed out a chuckle, "I know, just wanted to hear you laugh Kat. How did you fare on the way here?"
"Her aura seems tense and unsure…" Urion spoke up as his fluffy butt laid next to Gavin's wolf, Acadia.
"Urion…" I pouted. "Yeah…it was nerve-racking…"
"It must be hard to jump this far into training" Gavin sat down.
"Well I'll be traveling with you, Flash, and Terri to Scavaheim! It's been a while since I've been there and let alone without mom or dad…" I hugged myself.
"Don't worry about a thing, we take this one step at a time and enjoy the more…brighter sides of the mission, ok?" Gavin smiled.
"Right…I'll try…" I nodded and sat beside him, "I'm glad I won't be alone in this whole ordeal…but… I'm worried about Uncle Laurence's condition. I wish he would just get better somehow…"
"I'm sure he'll be fine until the celebration comes around. He's too stubborn to die just yet." Gavin chuckled. "You're smart, Kat, I know you'll figure things out in no time"
I smiled as he handed me a plate of food. I nodded in agreement as I took a few bites of my food and a few sips of my drink. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the wiggle of a controller. I smirked and grabbed it. We played games and had fun late into the night. Dwindling my anxiety away, fizzling out my worries. The mission ahead will be tough, I know that, but with my family around me to help guide me is all the courage I need for now. A new beginning of being a Guardian will be a long and hard road and I also know it's a fruitful one. Who knows…I might meet someone new to help us and be friends? Only the future will tell. Scavaheim here I come!
( not my image, just a placer until I can make art, it's a Google image)
#my oc#dragons#last pegasus#original story#original character#original work#fantasy#elves#giants#sirens#guardians#crystals#adventure#magical tattoos#magic#pegasus#familiars#wolves#amethyst#ruby#amber#sapphire#emerald
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Thess vs Understimulation
One of the more annoying things about getting to know myself better is realising how badly I react to being understimulated. I mean, I’ve always known on some level that I need to be Doing Things, but a lot of times that’s been my desperate attempts to get my head out of the bad place on a far more literal, clinical depression level. Accepting that it’s just probably an ADHD thing is at once liberating and annoying, because it means my brain’s just Like That.
I guess the good thing about self-reflection is that at least it means I know what to do when problems arise as a result. Like, take last night, for instance. It was late, I was tired, I was incredibly hacked off with basically everything, I was stressed to the absolute hilt, and the “try putting food in you; it might help” thing had not worked. I knew that just trying to go to bed would not work. So I played a bit of Dragon Age: Inquisition instead, because Power Wash Simulator and A Little To The Left hadn’t been enough. Apparently I needed something ... at least a bit more than that.
So, understimulation - getting cranky and unreasonable without anything to do. Honestly, I should have figured this one out a long time ago. It’s been a thing since I was a kid. I guess I didn’t largely because it wasn’t a thing that was known about in the mental health sphere (hell, when I was a kid there barely was a mental health sphere of the type we know today) and everything about how I grew up was pretty much geared away from dealing with understimulation to any great degree. Like, I would have done way better with homework had I been able to do it in front of the TV - hell, I did do better with homework when I was doing it with music playing, but it wasn’t quite the same - but my mother was dead set against it and even if she worked late (which was often), I didn’t want to run the risk of her coming home to find me doing my homework in front of the TV and yelling at me. She only barely accepted the music; that was the one compromise we could make. Not sure how I got that one, because when I was younger still, before I could be home on my own, I was having to do homework in an empty office at my mother’s workplace, and there weren’t a lot of opportunities to have music or anything else in an office about half-full of people having to work really late. As for my after-school programme ... there was time set aside for homework but again, not stimulating enough, couldn’t focus.
I guess I figured out somewhere along the line that doing something sufficiently stimulating could make me feel better, because at the worst times of my life, I was grabbing for anything that would help even a little, because the alternative was just not being, and I guess at least some part of me wasn’t ready for that. Which is good, because I would have missed out on a lot if my life had ended back then. Still, I guess that level of desperate clawing doesn’t really give room for a lot of self-reflection, or even looking at exactly how it was helping. Thus I couldn’t necessarily bring it up in therapy afterwards.
Instead, I look at how I live my life now. There’s always something. Of course, there used to be more somethings before the fibromyalgia, and that’s probably why I’m in a less-good place now; some of the things I’d do to help that feeling just make things worse on a different level. I’m struggling to find the balance between “I need to do something stimulating or my head is going to eat itself” and “I have to be careful about my activity level or I won’t be able to do anything for a week”. It’s easier in spring and summer; the weather’s a little better, so I can generally get out a bit more, and I have the gardening. But of course there’s the issue of sometimes the spring not coming as soon as it should because climate change and general meteorological fuckery, which is where I am at the moment. I am itching to plant things but we’re looking at cold snaps and while some of my plants are surviving, seedlings probably wouldn’t. So that’s gardening off the agenda until things improve - or at least until it stops dropping to freezing every night. Obviously there’s been the cooking and associated blog, but on bad pain days, there’s not much to do with that one. (I have plans towards a chicken broccoli pasta bake but it’s been a bad few days and that’s effort I’m struggling to make.) And then there’s video games, which are great but expensive to get new ones and even when the money’s available, I have to curate really carefully to find ones I can play. First-person perspective games still give me migraines unless I’m really careful (I can do things like House Flipper and Fresh Start and Power Wash Simulator, but shooters and the like move too fast for me to manage and the lighting’s also generally a problem), a lot of ARGs exist to be difficult on the combat level so aren’t great for bad pain days, some are made for a controller even if they are on PC and struggling with a bad PC port just fills me with dread, and there are only so many community building sims etc I can play before I’m jonesing for an actual story. The indie market has been my friend, but since people keep insisting that the single-player RPG is somehow dead, even though it REALLY ISN’T, I feel like I’m being pushed out of the entire hobby by my own disability most of the time.
TV’s never been enough. It’s too passive. Part of why I barely watch anymore. I’ll pick up a few things, if I’m interested enough, but mostly I have enough stories in my own head that I’m not going to just sit and passively intake others. I don’t know why books are so different ... except maybe because it means my imagination has to work overtime. That’s probably it. It’s not so much my body that needs to be active (which is probably a good thing because it can’t be anymore, particularly); it’s my brain.
Which, honestly, my brain is garbage and I want a new one. Maybe one that doesn’t automatically set my pain response to “everything hurts” and shuts up once in awhile.
Eh well. Right now I’m going to try to kill this headache (combination stress headache and sinuses; the barometric pressure’s being a bitch today) and deal with combat maps. Hopefull if I do both those things, I’ll have some input into my garbage brain in the form of people I like, and some D&D shenanigans. If not, at least there’s D&D shenanigans tomorrow. ...Honestly, as much as I dislike the commute, at least it got me more brain input. Maybe I should at least try a museum visit during my week off this week. That’s if Tuesday’s phone appointment with the GP doesn’t get me a whole different form of brain input via more invasive tests about the coeliac thing. I’ve typed up enough macros for various biopsies of the gastrointestinal system and seen how many of them had “? coeliac” in the Clinical Details section to be unaware of what’s probably coming next. Hope it goes better than the endoscopy they tried to do on me some years ago. Apparently the sedation didn’t put me under far enough and I still resisted having a camera shoved down my throat to the point where my airway closed along with my oesophagus when they tried. I’m going to love having to explain that to a gastroenterologist...
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As for Red and Choskey goes, I do have a limit for the amount of time I spend in a day doing stuff by myself. Moreso now that I actually can spend time with other people in the first place thanks in large part to vrchat. Red for whatever reason even back then I... don't enjoy spending time with that much usually. Borderlands he just goes off and dies a lot. Sea of thieves he gets us all killed for pvp practice. Apex Legends he gets us killed. Planetside for a good long while was the ONLY game he would play with me regularly. And I don't enjoy planetside pretty much at all. I had little hope for it when I just jumped in back when we lived in fallbrook. Even after getting a bunch of stuff and understanding the game more my impressions did not improve much. That's not good.
And my creativity as far as things to do when we go out is very limited. Red doesn't initiate lewd things and isn't very good at it when we do. Red doesn't allow us to cuddle during the day or when he's going to sleep so the only possible time to do so is in the morning during a day he doesn't go to work or when he's planning to be late. And while it'd be great if we slept at the same times, I do like having some wind down time to myself before I do, and I like staying up late.
So we have a lot of problems. When it's good it's good. We joke around a lot in the shower. It's just not good very often. Red only has at most an hour or two to do anything recreational with me before he's done for the day.
I don't know if anything will change for Choskey once he starts working but uh... I'm a little less in denial that things weren't the greatest for a while between me and Red. Not bad enough to want to get out and not good enough to want to keep things the way they are. I was doing better than those couples that argue a lot or yell/cuss if that's worth anything. But we have different issues. We don't know how to spend time together. Red lives a workaholic life and wants to engage in ambitious and inventive projects on the side but I've never developed a taste for it. So he's also missing a few things I can't really provide.
And my attention span when he talks dwindles after he talks for a solid 20 minutes straight about the same topic, usually work, and I've seen him talk with Marcus. He could go on for a couple of hours. I can't do that. I would be waiting to resume whatever I was playing, and if I completely married myself to Red's sleep schedule, he would tell me it's time to sleep and I would be kinda mad my last few hours I could have spent playing something just got pissed away and I'm being told to sleep. It was bad enough with the several hours we spent at the grocery store, that he forced me along since I am dependent on his driving.
He's less likely to do that now and recognizes doing such things is not enjoyable for me. And I definitely don't like having my sleep schedule determined by someone else. I absolutely need that time to myself before going to sleep, especially to post stuff like this or talk to stalkers and crushes apparently. I don't like having my sleep time fixed or under someone else's thumb generally.
And then there's Choskey which from a gaming standpoint much easier to find time to do things together, much more variety of things to do together, and talking with him isn't nearly as tiring if at all. Like for whatever reason the kinds of topics and the kinds of things Red talks about or the way he talks about it or the low level comedy he has when he's poking fun at things (potty humor, repetitive jokes that are hyper cringe) or the viciously spiteful things he enjoys watching like videos of people shitting on flat earthers or videos of police chases or cars eating shit. I don't enjoy those things even remotely. I don't enjoy getting stressed out because he's stressed out audibly while driving, and I can't spot all the drivers he's paying attention to. I don't have 360 vision like he does.
Kitsunary as mentioned before has her own problems, but at least we can play anything whatsoever.
Vrchat gave me brownie, beastner, Choskey, cattucino, light, there's bitt's groups, there's khnfucats in vrchat and mayu's, there's other people related to Choskey or beastner that we've played with. Choskey spends so much time with me. I am the beating social heart of discordant discourse now. Choskey notices people like brownie and cattucino show up specifically because of me. And in vrc people like mad mittens, denso and busker the cat visit me. And nearly every time I'm around their friends or I'm in any public lobby more people seem to make their way into my friends list because I'm being cute.
That is phenomenal. I've needed this for so long.I can't overstress enough that I desperately needed something like this. A place to make friends, a place to be social, be cute, hang out with people, play games, plan out things to do. And Choskey is the cornerstone of all of that. Choskey is who allowed me to be comfortable in vrchat, get this avatar, and now one of my lovers. I do enjoy talking to him more than Red. Cause usually it's about school or about fun things and funny videos or much lighter topics overall than Red's. Or about the future.
And Choskey is a natural need. I didn't just fall in love with him because of the cute avatar or because we hanged out a lot, I needed Choskey. My unconscious mind knew I needed Choskey. Especially once I realized we could talk for hours well until the sun comes up which we did many times. I needed Choskey so much and it's been such a long time coming that I got denied from once when Ronnie was still a possibility.
I've needed this. Somebody who would not only spend time with me better and be easier to talk to, but also help keep me and Red together too. He's always trying to get me and Red to spend more time together. And while even for Red for a while it was shameful to admit that we needed someone like Choskey in our life, things have gotten a lot better even for him because of Choskey. And he's growing into it extremely well now. He's loving me more because of him.
And socially it works out because I have the greatest range of interaction when I can express affection as well. I don't do very well when it comes to public speaking. Like if I were to try to pull off the same kind of funny speech dunkey has, or do any kind of impressions, like I can't do that. I can't come up with topics. I can't do the same kinds of things other people do with their regular friends. So if I could be affectionate with whuffy or cat noises like I do with Red, it becomes much easier to have a good time with someone even when I have nothing to say. And that is also partly why I wanted a third person in our relationship. Red and I have antics that we can do that I can't do with anyone else and that cuts off a massive amount of my social interaction when Red isn't there. Unless I were to do something similar with someone else. And that's also why I need Choskey. I've spent so much time with Red and I've been so reliant on him for anything social that I know my way around that type of social dynamic better than a normal one.
Ronnie was a predeveloped poorly thought out interest to solve a problem that we've had for eons. But Choskey fits us much better than he ever would have. And we are old. So it also works out that I am not robbing some younger adult's early years of their adulthood to be part of our relationship. It's a win-win even without you making me an enemy. If I hadn't suffered major damage and grew so mature afterwards I'm not sure if I ever would have been ready for someone like Choskey to enter our lives, so that is the only thing I have to thank you for.
The poise I have now, the easy way I can talk whenever we're talking about anything deep. The way I keep to myself these days on twitter. It's because I was deeply emotionally wounded and healed that I am able to talk so fluently and be so readily accepting. I am not the same angsty dynamite that I used to be. I can be so angry and so furious off stage in the backwaters where Choskey and Red can't see, but you know full well that it is deserved. You were extremely unlucky to meet me before you hurt me. Things would have been very different in the present with me fully learned and fully grown, whether things end well for you or not.
And I know how your shit works. I know the angrier I get the more you validate your hate. There is nothing easier to gratify than a group who's chosen a target. But I stopped caring the moment you broke into my life uninvited. Nothing will ever change the fact that my crimes were forgiveable and yours were not.
I aimed to be more mature because it is the one battlefield you couldn't even set foot on. The one place you can't even reach me.
And yeah I get that my relationship issues are not ideal from a traditional standpoint, whether it's a gay one or not. Most people would just stick with one and leave it at that by standard. And most people wouldn't want to be the one that disturbs that in any way. There are reasons to be cautious around me. But some people are not content to leave it at that. Enemies are enemies, whether the true reasons are trivial or not, the hate can wish for more.
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June 20 - Osaka
Today we went to Osaka. It was my third time this trip visiting there, but there was still a lot I hadn’t seen or done yet. It is like an hour away from where we are staying, but I would say it was worth it to go multiple times as there is a lot going on there.
When we arrived in Osaka, we split for lunch. Professor Smith gave us an extra 30 mins, which I appreciated and it made me feel validated as I was the one who suggested it earlier that morning. Lauren and I went with Emily and Bianca to some vegan restaurant to eat. We ended up having to take a taxi, as it was much faster than walking or taking a train. I got some noodle dish, which ended up being quite the mistake. You see, two things, one I was not expecting there to be peanuts in some noodle dish, and two I was not expecting to be allergic to peanuts. I was allergic to them as a kid, but they didn’t show up on my most recent allergy test. I most certainly am allergic to them though after that. My breathing was a bit worse and my throat closed up a bit, but I took some Benadryl, did my inhaler, and I was fine. I felt so bad for Lauren though, as she was really worried about me, and I didn’t want to stress it out. I have no idea how people with allergies or any eating conditions in general survive in Japan. Like I guess I took it for granted being told on a menu if a dish has peanuts. Because of this, I ended up making us late for the group meet up time. I felt bad about it, but people were understanding.
As soon as our group got to the meeting point, we then headed to the Osaka Castle. We did not go in it, but we went up to it. It was quite pretty in my opinion.
After the castle, we went to America Village. It was nothing at all like America, except for it had a McDonald’s. There was one very American thing I did see though. Which was a black Silverado with a toddler and a pit bull in the back of it, so there’s that.
After that, we headed to a shopping street. We saw the famous running man advertisement from the bridge, and it was definitely a large billboard. The street on the other side of the bridge was quite cool. There were a bunch of 3D advertisements, some of which were moving, and there were a ton of different shops, a lot of which was street food. Lauren got strawberry ice cream and a strawberry smoothie, and we both got a strawberry tart which was pretty good.
We were then released for the day, and Lauren and I decided to stay in the area and walk around for a while and look at the shops. She especially wanted to find gacha machines, so we looked around and found some. We also went back and found the ones she saw on the way there that she wanted to check out. I ended up getting a like $40 Pokémon card from a $15 gacha, so that was pretty cool. We then also got matching keychains of cinamaroll as a bee. We got two of them from one grab in a claw machine, which was really fun.
I wasn’t feeling well at this point, so we headed back. I got two more chicken and cheese quesadillas from the one place we had gone to before, then I was feeling better.
This was an amazing trip and was such a great experience overall. I learned a ton about Japanese culture and got to be there in person to see it. The four weeks both feel like they’ve went on forever and like I blinked and it’s gone. I’m so glad I met Lauren on this trip, as spending it with her has made it a lot more enjoyable. I’m also happy that I got Vishnu as my roommate, as he is a nice guy and we got along well. By the end of the trip, I am definitely ready to go home, and in some ways am even getting tired of Japan. Overall, I will say I enjoyed Tokyo a lot more than I did Kyoto, but both had a lot of value in seeing. One final thing is I’m really looking forward to sleeping in a bed again man.
(Bonus photos from the last day)
Academic Reflection
Today I learned about the characteristics of the cityscape of Osaka. One thing the reading mentioned is that Osaka has weak zoning regulations for businesses, meaning there isn’t strong legislation on what businesses can and cannot operate in the area. I personally don’t know enough on the topic to be able to tell seeing it in person where this would come into play, especially since the business really all seemed to just be like food, clothing, or arcade type stuff.
I also learned about how they frequently destroy and then rebuild buildings and even entire blocks. They do this to constantly modernize the city and to upkeep the contemporary Japanese city aesthetic and complex spatial structure. That is one thing I did notice walking around Osaka is that there were practically no old buildings at all, they were all new from what I could tell. I suppose this is intentional and does make sense. Constantly tearing down and replacing buildings ensures they are always modern, but it just seems like such a costly endeavor to keep up. I suppose if the buildings are profitable enough, it then makes it worth it to keep them as contemporary as possible. In a way, cities like this in Japan feel like they are from the future, and definitely more advanced than what I am used to seeing in Florida.
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