#that Neil was able to choose Love and Exy

[palmettoshenanigans]

I'm not even gonna write an essay on this one, I'm tired and it's rapidly approaching the witching hour so imma just-

Neil is constantly shadow boxing with his fear of being Just Like My Father NOT because he fears that Wesninski Blood but because he fears the fragility of choice. Everything he knows how to do, all of his skills, combined with his natural disposition and temperament really do put him on par with his father - potentially even worse than his father if you think Nathan lacks Neil's ability to meticulously execute a long con.

Ruthless. Manipulative. Intelligent. Sneaky n Stealthy. Fast. Quick learner. Violent. Cut throat. Selective empathy. Observant. Skilled with weapons. Crime prodigy. Improv. Etc etc etc - Nathaniel truly is Nathan's son when you look at Capacity. Neil had very good reason to fear that - he really is a Wesninski in more than just name.

He just chooses to be kind. Chooses to care. Chooses Exy and friends and family and Andrew and Love.

But choices are both iron clad foundations and flimsy whisps in the wind

Neil isn't different from his father because of difference in Capacity. Neil is different from his father because of difference in Choices. And "Is that enough?" is such a scary question when it suddenly involves people he dared to care about.

[ok555ficideas]

Girl crush

Inspired by the song “Girl crush” by little big town, but more specifically by the Harry Styles cover of it.

Kevin had no idea when exactly he fall in love with Aaron. He knew that he was already attracted to him. Just because he thought that being straight was easier didn’t mean he didn’t acknowledge a long time ago that he was not in fact straight. After all, why would anything in his life be easy?

Aaron was an attractive man, but then so was Andrew. They looked almost exactly the same and yet the goalie didn’t make his heart flutter the same way his brother did. 

The more Kevin stared longly at Aaron the more differences he noticed between the two. Kevin knew Andrew better than the back of his hand. He had spent a long time studying him, not because he found him attractive, but because looking at Andrew made him feel safe.

The blonde would kill him if he ever admitted this out loud, but Kevin considered him his best friend. He was his protector and Kevin cataloged everything about him and carved it into the back of his mind.

So when he started looking at Aaron more and more he had a good amount of data to compare.

When they started hanging out after Neil and Andrew became an unbreakable unit and Kevin didn’t fancy being a third wheel, Kevin was a goner. Of course hanging out with Aaron also meant being a third wheel, because most times than not they were accompanied by Katelyn 

Kevin didn’t mind. He honestly adored the cheerleader. She was a bright spot in Aaron’s life and there was nothing Kevin loved more than the back-liner’s genuine smile. 

She always brought it out of him and Kevin could bask in its glory. 

It took him an embarrassing amount of time to realize he was in love. He first noticed it when he felt something unpleasant deep in his stomach at seeing Katelyn join them for a coffee when she previously thought she wouldn’t be able to make it.

It was a weird feeling, because Kevin started to enjoy Katelyn’s company sometimes even more than Aaron’s. 

When the next day he felt his heart ache when he saw them kissing he realized what it was that he was feeling.

Jealousy.

Longing.

Love.

He was screwed. So many people to choose from and he got to fall for his straight friend with an amazing girlfriend, he couldn’t even complain about in his head. 

From that time on every time he looked at Katelyn he craved to be her. He wanted her long red hair and her magic touch that always seemed to soothe Aaron’s every worry. He wanted to drown himself in the bottle of her perfumes. The ones that Aaron always knew her by. The blonde could have recognised her with his eyes closed by that smell alone. 

Kevin wanted that. He wanted to be so wanted and known by Aaron. He felt crazy with need every time he looked at either one of them. 

Kevin had enough. He hated the way he felt. He hated that everyone around him was happy and he was miserably pretending that everything was okay. 

So he did what he has always done. He went and got drunk. He tried to drink his sorrows away, but failed. The alcohol only intensified the longing and despair in his heart.

It was the weekend. He had a dorm to himself since Neil and Andrew decided to leave them all behind and drove to Colombia on their own. 

Kevin was sitting on the floor of his empty dorm room with a bottle of half drunk vodka in his left hand and starred into the distance with tears in his eyes. 

Suddenly there were the beautiful hazel eyes, that he was dreaming of every night right, right in front of him. 

He thought that he must have died or passed out, because he never saw them look at him like that. 

“Kev, what’s wrong?” Aaron said with concern. 

“I’ve got a girl crush.” Kevin said with a slur and giggled a little at the ridiculousness of the sentence.

He didn’t want Aaron to know about his feelings, but he has reached his limit. He needed to put it all out there or he was going to lose his mind.

It already started to affect his performance in Exy and that is where he drew the line.

He had to be honest, no matter how much the rejection would hurt. 

“I’ve got it real bad.” Kevin continued with a small hiccup. 

Aaron laughed at that a little and the furrow of his brows disappeared.

Good. Kevin hated when Aaron was worried. He didn’t want him stressed out. He wanted him calm and relaxed like he was every time Katelyn was in the room with him.

That thought made Kevin look around in search of the cheerleader. There was no sight of her and Kevin was disappointed. She should have been here. Even though Aaron was about to break his heart and not the other way around, he would still feel bad after. He would need her and she wasn’t here. 

“Who’s the lucky girl?” Aaron said with a smile and Kevin sighed at that.

“Katelyn.” He replied. 

Aaron took a sharp breath and Kevin knew that he must be putting two and two together. He was probably terrified and didn’t want to hear what Kevin had to say, but Kevin couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“I want to taste her lips.” He said as he looked at Aaron’s.

The ‘cause they taste like you’ was on the tip of his tongue, but he thought that he would spare Aaron that image. 

The blonde already looked like he was about to cry and Kevin didn’t want to cause him any more harm. 

He couldn’t even if he tried, because he felt the sudden need to throw up so he got up from the floor as fast as he could and barely made it to the toilet. 

When he returned back to the living room Aaron was already gone.

---

The next day Kevin felt like shit. The memories from the previous night were a painful reminder that he had probably screwed up his friendship with Aaron.

Hell, even worse. He had probably screwed up his friendship with Andrew as well.

Aaron would probably tell his brother that Kevin was in love with him and that it makes him uncomfortable and Andrew would keep his distance and treat Kevin as a threat to his twin’s safety. 

He should have kept his mouth shut. He should have just tried to forget about it and moved on. 

Just as he was about to let his thoughts spiral out of control there was a knock on his door.

He went to open it and saw Aaron looking like deer caught in the headlights. 

He awkwardly moved out of the way and Aaron went in slower than necessary. They stood there in silence for a while until Aaron got the courage to speak.

“She’s everything to me.” He blurted out. “Kate, I mean.” 

Kevin nodded at him a little confused. He knew that. He didn’t need Aaron to say it.

“I get why you like her, I do. She is perfect.” Aaron continued and Kevin was taken off gourd. “Trust me, dude, I get it and I can sympathize, but can you not? Like she’s all I got and I love her so much. You can have anyone you want. Just not her, please.”

Kevin stood there like a statue not really understanding what just happened. He ran through his memoirs from the previous night and fought the instinct to face palm. 

Aaron thought Kevin was in love with Katelyn. Kevin in his drunken daze was so sure that Aaron would connect the dots, but of course he didn’t. How could he when all Kevin talked about yesterday was the cheerleader. 

This was his chance to take it all back. This they could come back from. 

“I will get over her. I promise.” He said and saw all of the tension in Aaron’s body leave him. “To be honest, I don't think I could have taken her away from you if I tried.” Kevin said with a forced laugh. “She is crazy about you. Honestly, I don’t blame her, you’re a catch.” 

Aaron blushed at that and Kevin’s legs almost gave out under him. He caused that blush. He was talking about Katelyn, but nonetheless it was his doing and he felt satisfaction creeping up his spine. 

“Could you keep it between us?” He asked and Aaron nodded. “ And I think I will need a little time away from you guys, you know, to get this under control.” 

He saw Aaron’s face fall, but only for a moment. Aaron nodded again.

“Thank you, I will leave you to it, then.” He said and made his way to the door. Just as he was about to walk out he turned around and looked Kevin straight in the eyes. “You’re a catch too, you know. You will find someone in no time. I mean, who could resist you, right?” He said with a smile and walked out the dorm.

You, Kevin thought. You could resist me and I don’t want anyone else. 

[mayonnaisetoffees]

It's the way that freedom to Neil is being allowed to play, shackled to the game is more than he ever expected to be allowed

Both Kevin and Neil have been able to experience a life outside of exy and continued to choose to play, couldn't imagine a world where they didn't

Jean never had the choice, and Neil saved them all but he made that choice, not Jean. Jean at the start can't imagine a life without exy not because of how much he loves it, but because he is Jean Moreau and he is a raven

But if Neil hadn't made that deal for them, Jean would never have had the chance to have a life outside exy. Jean being chained to ''a game he could barely stand anymore'' is the ONLY reason he is at a point where he is free enough to have friends.

[jeanmoreaux]

hello. i saw your tags about dan x matt x neil as a trouple and i am now so curious about your thoughts. because i feel like that part of the ec is like. never touched with a ten foot pole. and im just curious what your opinions them as a ship are! if you have any that is

i am so sorry it took me ages to reply to your great message. i have been sitting with this ask for two reasons: firstly i simply did not find the time to answer it; secondly i had to stop and really sit with that ship to figure out what my opinions even are. and i still came up kind of empty because yeah what do i think about a dan/matt/neil throuple? and the answer is it is something that i would love to see explored and that i think would be a wonderful thing to happen to a neil in a universe in which andrew does not exist. but what exactly would that even look like, right?would neil even meet dan and matt in a universe like that????? like. would neil have been a fox in that universe? and if so, would exy and the foxes (specifically dan & matt) have been enough to make neil stay the moment riko figured out who he was? would he have wanted to stay knowing that he didn’t need to protect dan and matt because they had others and each other to look out for them? the answer to all of these could very easily be a clear yes as it could be a resounding no.

although frankly i think if neil had ended up with anyone other than andrew it would have had been in a throuple or other poly constellation. andrew is able to give neil the stability & safety & bone-deep understanding he craves because that’s just who he is as a person: an unmoving object for neil to lean on and draw strength from; someone who sees him in his entirety and doesn’t shy away the darkest parts he finds because these parts are a familiar reflection. of course dan & matt are strong people as well—they went through a lot and can sympathise with neil, but only to a certain degree. they’d need their combined strength to hold neil up in the moments he’d really need it the most. they are a little to removed from that sort of darkness to offer the kind of unquestioning & all-encompassing understanding & loyalty that andrew can offer. and of course over the years he’d spend with them and learn from them, neil would definitely change and grow into the warm and casual kind of affection dan & matt offer and they, in turn, would get better at supporting him. but i think, compared with the level of intimacy that neil and andrew share, it would take much more time for dan, matt, and neil to find their way to each other in that way. and neil would have that time without andrew around. their friendship would have the opportunity to evolve into romance & probably even a much more conventional romantic relationship than what we get with andreil. and i’d also love that for neil—for all three of them really!! because i think neil would flourish with them too ((btw if it wasn’t clear already none of this is meant to make or imply any moral judgment. not saying one relationship dynamic is better/worth more/etc. than the other.))

but with andrew around it’s very much impossible for me to see a version of this story that ends with neil choosing dan & matt over andrew. a lot would have to go down differently. and for that to happen not only the story but the characters would have to be very different from the versions we have, which would also make it a completely different book series. and who knows how we would see the ship dynamics then! and in my opinion if you had andrew dying at any point after tfc neil simply would be too preoccupied with that to have any space in his head for anything sooooooo…. idk idk

basically what i am saying is that the dan/matt/neil dynamic appeals to me A Lot in theory but it is not something i can see happening in the story we got with the characters we got, if that makes sense????? that’s barely an opinion but it sure is a thought and i don’t think i can do much better than that i am so sorry 😭

[bloody-wonder]

I do wanna point out smth you mentioned your most recent ask because I have a lot of thoughts on it actually, which is that yes, neil is reckless, but he doesn't actually have bad survival instincts, he just actively chooses to ignore them. Neil spends a lot of time musing over the things he could and should do in order to stay alive, and actively and consistently decides not to do them. I think it's one of the things that makes me love aftg so much. Neil consistently choosing 1/2

to keep doing the thing that makes him happy, despite the risk, rather than hiding himself away for the rest of his life and being miserable. idk its very romantic to me, in a classical sense, how straightforward neil's choice to play exy is. he's tired of running and living in misery, he wants to stay somewhere and find joy, no matter how dangerous. andrew is of course just a lucky bonus from that set of decisions 2/2

yes i agree but my point still stands

i guess you could argue that neil loves exy more than life which is why he must love it more than kevin does but again - this difference is more due to circumstances they come from than to their personal attitudes towards exy

[jingerhead]

R-role reversal au? Like as in Andrew-Neil role reversal? Or Andrew-Aaron role reversal? Could we have more information please?

Of course lovely!! This is a collab I'm working on with @paradoxolotl and it's technically an Aaron/Andrew role reversal with Neil. The difference is while the twins have completely different backstories, the basics of Neil's is much the same.

Andrew and Aaron are sons of a mafia boss. They went on the run in their teens, their father has been looking for them ever since their mother died and they mysteriously disappeared, but has been unsuccessful. They end up going to Palmetto after being scouted by Wymack and Kevin. Aaron sees it as an opportunity to start a new life, and Andrew will doing anything for his brother. But while they get relatively welcomed by everyone else, the one person onto them is Neil Josten.

Neil Josten was once Nathaniel Wesninski, son of Nathan Wesninski, the serial killer known as the Butcher of Baltimore. Nathan never had connections to anyone like the Moriyamas and Mary never took her son on the run (something he's never forgiven her for). He had planned to run away once he turned 18, but Nathan wasn't going to let anyone go and almost killed them both. Neil survived, was given a new life and new name, got addicted to some medication that induce a form of mania. Wymack found him playing exy and recruited him, and when Kevin ran away from the nest Neil offered him protection so long as Kevin would teach him how to go pro.

Though all 3 of them try to outrun their pasts, they aren't able to. A lot of the events of the series are similar. Here's a little snidbit if you'd like to check some of this out!

~*~

“What’s your real name?” Neil asked.

After a split second of hesitation, Andrew told him the truth. “Andrew Minyard.”

“What?” Andrew glanced to his right in time to see Neil’s manic smile actually drop, eyebrows drawing into a frown. “You kept your same first name?”

“Yes,” Andrew said with a shrug.

“That’s so stupid!” Neil exclaimed. Andrew had to wonder for a moment if he was off his meds to be able to pull the face he had on, but he quickly decided he didn’t care. “You can’t keep your same first name! Do you have any idea how easy it would be to find you? You could fucking google it.”

“It’s worked,” Andrew pointed out.

“Maybe because nobody would guess you’d be that dumb,” Neil snapped.

Andrew didn’t argue against it. Now that Neil pointed it out, he supposed it was kind of stupid, but then again…it has worked. He had no idea how his father was trying to find them, but they’ve managed to stay under the radar for this long. Not for much longer, he reminded himself.

“I wasn’t expecting this,” Neil mumbled, shifting where he was sitting on the roof’s edge. “I thought you would’ve said ‘no’. Why’re you giving me this?”

“You haven’t given me a reason to not trust you.”

“Really? I can think of at least thirty reasons off the top of my head.”

“Reasons why someone else shouldn’t trust you, or reasons why you wouldn’t trust yourself?” Andrew asked.

Neil shrugged. “Is there a difference?”

“There is to me,” Andrew said, which was the biggest truth he’d revealed yet.

Neil seemed stunned to silence for a moment, which Andrew allowed himself to revel in. His mouth opened and closed twice before he turned his head and got to his feet, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I can’t tell if you’re choosing to have the worst self-preservation skills or not,” he said, his unsettling grin returning to his face. “Or maybe they’re not for you.”

Heart skipping a beat, Andrew looked away to face the slowly setting sun, knowing that action gave everything away. He didn’t have to say anything for Neil to guess everything with the information he already had, but surprisingly it didn’t scare him at all. All the effort he put in to keep Aaron safe, and he was just handing it away to the son of a serial killer. It was absolutely insane.

And yet.

“Does your brother know?” Neil asked.

“No,” Andrew said, voice soft. He felt exhausted.

After another moment of silence, Neil moved to walk away, his shoes scraping against the concrete of the roof. “I’ll go to the Hemmick’s for Thanksgiving,” he said as he walked away. The slam of the door didn’t feel as harsh as it sounded.

[darlingbudsofrae]

Nicky Hemmick Appreciation Post

Foxes Appreciation Series : 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 ||

It’s time for Nicky Hemmick appreciation hours!

I think out of the foxes, I really don’t like the way Nora developed, or lack thereof, Nicky’s character.

He was one of the few POC/LGBTQIAP+ characters in the books and the way he was written just wasn’t it, y’know?

I think out of all the changes we could have, I wish Nora developed him better because his character could’ve gone to so many potentials. 

But let’s get with what we have-

First off, I just want to say I appreciate Nicky’s relationship with Erik so much.

They’re adorable. 

Now, let’s get to the sad and dark stuff-

Nicky’s past is one of the most messed-up backstories I’ve ever read in my entire life. And I read a LOT of sad books.

Dude literally went to a gay conversion camp (the fact that this shit exists is proof that hell is just a place on earth) for a year and had to repress his sexuality his entire life because his parents were homophobic shitholes.

Repressing his sexuality also led to depression. He had freaking suicidal thoughts and he took the first way out of his problems and saved himself by taking the first chance to leave, aka Germany.

I’m not sure if anyone remembers but to get to that- he had to pretend he was something he was not. He had to play the “perfect son” role because he couldn’t afford to be himself in a place where his existence was deemed wrong.

Also, the fact that he had the capacity to do this- to maintain that role until that Germany ticket landed in his hands while combatting suicidal and other morbid thoughts-

Kid, that sucks. Nicky Hemmick needs a hug.

Also, taking note of this fact makes me appreciate his reactions towards his teammates’ tragedies more.

Like at first I was constantly surprised because I thought it’s such an overreaction to feel sad and almost cry as a reflex to other’s misfortunes (lowkey exposing myself here) 

But to realize he went through such a traumatic experience and can still empathize + sympathize deeply with his teammates-

it just makes me really appreciate that aspect of him- to be able to still be that person and have that sense of humanity despite of the horrific things he went though, that’s amazing.

Let’s talk about the fact that Nicky could’ve just live his entire life in Germany with the love of his life and cut off entirely his connections with his family because he had every right to detoxify his life and live happily for himself.

Nicky was about 19-20ish when he learned that Tilda had died and how he reacted to this by going back because he doesn’t want the twins to be raised by the same people who gave him hell- because he knows the twins deserves better- that’s incredible.

He had absolutely no obligation to, he wasn’t even that old to have that responsibility but he took it.

He came back and fought for the rights to become a guardian for the twins (against his own parents), like that takes so much time and effort and the fact that he did it at like a considerably young age is just so mind-blowing.

I’m not going to act like he’s the best guardian. But let’s not discredit where credit is due.

Despite everything- he gave Aaron and Andrew a home. Provided a roof over their heads, helped them at school (he taught them to speak German), worked jobs to provide for their basic necessities, and assuming Andrew spent all that insurance money on the car, someone has to be working to pay the tuition and bills, right?

And that someone was Nicky. 

(He also got Andrew and Aaron gigs at where he worked at).

Like no one talks about this enough but Nicky lowkey raised the twins. Like, he actually raised the twins.

There is not enough words in this world to describe how overwhelming and amazing that is. 

He had no obligation whatsoever to these two who probably gave him a hard time because as much as I love the Twinyards- they were assholes (I mean they were kind of mean to him for crying out loud, and that’s just on the books- imagine how much more he got back when the twins were probably so distrustful of him) and really, they weren’t Nicky’s obligation because most people forget that Nicky wasn’t that old. 

He was pretty young too. 

And by going back, he’s associating himself with the things that lowkey broke him but he still went and stayed anyway even when he could’ve easily just be happy and cut it all off because despite of everything, he wanted to provide the twins with an at least better option than his horrible parents.

He wanted the twins to have a good life- literally wished for them to heal and be okay and succeed and that amount of love- it’s just amazing. Like, I said that a lot by now but it’s just really amazing.

Nicky Hemmick is amazing.

He was also supposedly only going to stay until the twins finished high school but then Coach Wymack happened and with Erik’s support and his hopes of the twins being happy, he stayed.

I’m not sure about Nicky’s exy abilities, I think he got scolded a lot by Kevin but I like to think that he wasn’t that bad. I really wish we got more exy contents, that one time I got invested in a sport and there wasn’t even a lot of it. 

I also like to believe that he’s more mature than he lets on. Like, he actually knows all that adulting shit.

Also, when Neil noticed that Nicky is just playing his energy levels up to compensate for the Twinyards’ walls because despite everything, he wants to be friends with everyone but can’t because he’s with the monsters and that honestly sucks.

But it’s also commendable that he really tries. 

Ignoring the Eden incident aside, he was actually really great to Neil.

Like, he’s one of the few in the foxes that was friendly to him at the start. 

He also taught him a lot of things (like social cues and all) and did whatever he can to help him.

He’s actually a pretty good friend. 

Also, I lowkey feel for him that despite everything, he still wanted his parents’ validation and approval.

I saw a decent amount of people hate Nicky for this because it was what led to the thanksgiving incident, but I just find it sad.

Because at the end of the day, Nicky was just a son who loved his parents even if they couldn’t love everything he was and the things he stands for, and it’s just sad because even if it was kind of obvious, he just wanted to believe that everything could still mend.

He still wanted to be accepted by them.

Some people don’t deserve to have kids.

But when he realized that it wasn’t going to happen and this brought harm to the twins, he was very apologetic over it and guilty even if it wasn’t his fault, and he chose the twins.

He will always choose the twins. 

"It's about family. Not necessarily the one we were born with, but the one we choose. This one. The people we trust to be part of our lives. The people we care about."

Overall, it’s just really amazing that despite everything, he can look for the positive and enjoy life even if it’s really shitty.

Just ✨Nicholas Esteban Hemmick✨ dude.

[kevindayscrown]

The one where Kevin Day falls in love with an ice hockey player.

Part 1 The lost bet

Anything included in this head canon takes place the semester after the Foxes won the championship against the Ravens.

Disclaimer: I know next to nothing about varsity teams in the United States so excuse any false information. If you haven’t read the Introductory post, you are adviced to do so or you won’t understand shit. 

It started with a bet.

A lost bet.

Of course, the Foxes of the Exy team are used to placing bets amongst themselves over the smallest and silliest things. It’s when they include others that it gets complicated.

Ask any of them, and they will not be able to tell you how it started, probably to avoid the embarrassment. Ask the ice hockey players, and they will gladly fill you in.

It started in the athlete’s dining hall. The unhealthy featured option for the day was pie. Nicky, of course, had left class early just so he would be able to get a piece for himself and his cousin with the sweet tooth. Pie ran out early if you weren’t from the firsts to wait in line.

It just so happened that a group of hockey players were behind Nicky in line. Nicky, with the remarkable ability of not being able to shut up, started blubbering about how sweets were not allowed in the dorms after Kevin kept bitching about it.

One of the ice hockey players – Bryce Matthews, left defenseman – dared to make the following statement:

“Bet you that Day wouldn’t even dare eat today’s dessert. That guy has his racquet stuck up his ass. Doubt he would ruin that freaky diet of his.”

Of course, that was a challenge, a bet. Nicky wouldn’t dare not accept it. Especially from their ‘sworn enemies’.

“Oh, really? Bet you I can get Kevin to eat the entire thing.”

The two of them agreed to it after also discussing the terms for the winning and the losing side. Nicky knew he had to get Kevin to eat from the pie.

He didn’t.

“Kevin, I’m telling you, we will all regret it.”

Kevin gave him a blank stare and pushed the plate away, thinking that Nicky was messing around, trying to annoy him. He soon realized that wasn’t the case.

“Seems like we are going to have guests at the rink today,” a voice said from behind him. Kevin turned around, finding none other than Jiang Eric, standing there with his two lackeys at his side, grinning.

It was unusual for the Ice Hockey Captain to take pleasure in such stupid bets his own team usually engaged in.

But this involved Kevin.

And if there was anything Eric was more passionate about than Ice Hockey, it was annoying Kevin Day.

“What did you do this time?” Aaron snapped at Nicky.

“I may or may not have placed a bet.”

“See you there after practice!” Eric called and fist bumped his teammates as they exited the dining hall, their laughter echoing around the room.

Turns out, these were the terms that Nicky had agreed to:

The losing side’s team would have to come over to the winning side’s facilities and spend the entire evening after afternoon practice playing the other team’s sport.

Which meant that the Exy team now had to put on skates and spend two whole hours balancing on ice.

“Hemmick, I swear, I’m gonna murder you.” Kevin was furious. Of course, they couldn’t just not go, it was a matter of pride.

They were in the lounge when afternoon practice was over, discussing how they would manage to not make fools out of themselves. Allison was the only one who was having fun with this, seeing as she already knew how to skate.

Andrew was munching on that piece of pie from earlier.

(Neil may or may not have smuggled it for him after it was left untouched.)

“Look, I just think we should all be blaming Kevin for not trusting me,” Nicky said, holding his hands up in defense. The foxes let out exasperated sighs of frustration.

“Why are y’all sitting on your asses?” Heads turned as Wymack spoke. The coach wouldn’t admit it, but perhaps seeing his foxes on skates was the most amusing thought he had had in a while. “Get going. Or they will think you are all a bunch of cowards.”

The Foxhole Rink was as big as the university’s Exy court, though there had been talks of reconstructions, seeing as the team had been climbing up the ranks. The Ice Hockey team – all six players of the starting lineup – were waiting for the Exy players.

Eric’s grin from earlier was still plastered on his face as he held up a pair of skates and threw them at Kevin, who caught them just in time.

“Welcome to my domain, Day.”

The Exy Foxes were led to the locker rooms and were given spare equipment that would fit them best. It was rather similar to their own equipment so they easily slipped into it.

Then the ice hockey players came in with the skates. Spares of all sizes that the Foxes could choose from according to their size. They passed them down one by one and helped the exy players tie them properly.

“Need help Day?”

Kevin had managed to squeeze his one foot in but it was harder than expected to figure out all the laces and the straps. Admitting he needed help, however, would be just another blow to his confidence.

Eric kneeled down nonetheless and picked up Kevin’s foot. He secured the skates and then held the blades up, attaching them as well. Kevin grumbled something under his breath but Eric doubted it was a thanks.

They only exchanged a glance before Kevin tried getting onto his feet.

“Hey, this isn’t that bad,” Matt said. Indeed, balancing on the blades while on a stable floor wasn’t too bad. It was tricky at best, but the foxes knew tricky.

It was when they slid on the ice that they realized exactly how tricky it was.

The first one to fall on his face was Aaron. The Foxes rarely heard him curse so colorfully.

Dan was clinging onto the side of the rink with wobbly legs that threatened to give out at any moment. Matt was easing into it slowly. Allison gracefully skated past them with a small flick of her hair.

Kevin was also holding onto the ledge, deciding there was no chance he would let go.

That was, until he saw Eric glide in, looking surprisingly graceful for a six-foot five guy with all this heavy equipment on him.

Kevin slowly pushed himself off of the ledge and slid across the ice, holding his hands out for balance while also holding onto the hockey stick. He couldn’t understand how Eric could move around, block hockey packs and coordinate his team at the same time.

“It’s not as hard as it looks,” Eric said, which somehow annoyed Kevin more.

“At least it explains why you are all such thickheads,” Kevin snapped back.

Kevin noticed Eric’s eyes narrowing underneath the helmet. The goaltender moved to him in a way that made Kevin try to move backwards. His left foot slipped and he lost his balance.

A hand around his waist stopped him right before he hit the ice. He looked up and saw Eric, his hockey stick dropped as he had moved to catch Kevin from falling.

Eric wasn’t sure why he had done it. The first lesson to ice skating was that you would fall many times before you’d even be able move. It was mostly harmless.

He told himself he had just felt responsible for startling Kevin and immediately pulled him upright.

“Part your legs.”

“Excuse me?” Kevin asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Part your legs. Keep just the right amount of distance between your feet. Lean your body slightly forward and find your balance.” As Eric talked, he pressed one hand on Kevin’s stomach and the other on his back, adjusting his upper body properly.

Kevin was too stunned to push him away.

Thankfully, Andrew had not been in the first six to enter the rink or he would had probably tried to stab Eric with the blade of his skates for touching Kevin.

“Ready to try playing? I promise I’ll be gentle.” Eric said and winked as he picked up his stick. Kevin convinced himself it was a trick of the light as he moved forward.

[gay-mafia-stick-ball]

Coherency: I know a lot of people ship Kevaaron, and I get why it might be appealing, but I don’t really understand it. I think that Kevin would definitely be aromantic asexual.

First of all, Nora put him with Thea as an afterthought; it was just a way to keep people from shipping Kandreil. I don’t think I know anybody who actually ships Thea and Kevin, though, because it was just so forced. Thea doesn’t make a single appearance in the books (that I can remember) and she’s mentioned once for the sake of giving Kevin a love interest and then never mentioned again. Her entire role in the plot is a person for Kevin to date and honestly, Nora is better than that.

Second of all, again, I have no judgement for anyone who ships Kevaaron, but I still don’t see it because there weren’t any Kevaaron interactions in the books that really stood out to me (that I can remember). They actually kind of seemed to hate each other, and, while I love putting people with few interactions together (jerejean) I just can’t find it in me to do so with Kevin and Aaron. I feel like it just doesn’t work for their characters. Especially since Aaron spent so long developing this healthy relationship with Katelyn. Their relationship works really well and the development was thought out and made sense; I choose not to throw that away. Again, no judgement for those who choose to, this is just my opinion.

Third, one of the most popular ships in the fandom is Kandreil, which is understandable. Even Nora kind of ships it; she was even going to make it canon before she decided not to. For me though, I don’t think it really works. I think it ruins the dynamic of Andrew and Neils relationship. They spent so long figuring out each other’s and their own boundaries and Kevin just wasn’t a part of that. And Andrew has a lot of needs when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships, understandable so, and Kevin just wouldn’t be able to fulfill them in the way that Neil can. Their experiences are so drastically different and he just would be capable. They’re both such amazing and complicated characters, but their different experiences led them in different directions and, in my opinion, Kevin would have a hard time maintaining any kind of romantic or sexual relationship anyways, especially the types that Andrew and even Neil would need.

Okay so those are the reasons I don’t think a Kandreil relationship wouldn’t work, but here’s why I don’t think the relationship was even built in the first place.

Andrew spent most of his first years at PSU with Kevin because of his deal to protect him (from the fucking mafia, but that’s a different discussion), so they now know each other on a level of intimacy that goes way beyond the surface, but in the wrong direction. They now know each other in a way that they would never want to know someone they’re romantically or sexually involved with. Honestly is very healthy in a relationship, but, like I said before, so are boundaries. Also, Kevin has this sort of hostility towards Andrew that, even if they’re about as good of friends as Andrew can have, will never go away. They’ve spent so long at each other’s necks that suddenly dropping that would be hard.

Kevin and Neils relationship is also super complicated, but in a different and equally platonic way. Their entire relationship is built on exy and the mafia, and while common ground is also healthy in a relationship, your common ground should not be your shared experiences with the Yakuza. In the books, they do share a few meaningful moments, but these moments are usually in a time of panic or in the hands of the Yakuza. The ones that aren’t are based on trauma and exy. The fact that these are the only common ground that I can think of should probably explain why that’s not a very healthy relationship.

Finally, what with Kevin never really leaving the Nest when he was younger and, you know, being tortured by the mafia, he doesn’t really have much experience with romance and probably doesn’t see much point in it. I think he would be much happier just spending his life with exy and friends than romantically involved with someone.

In conclusion: Kevin/Exy ✨

Jk but seriously, aro/ace Kevin.

It’s okay if you don’t agree, that’s your decision, but that’s my thought process (:

[the-chicken-or-the-banana]

i had an idea i would love to see from your perspective (you're so good at andreil oh my god) if you wanted to write some stuff about it? i always wondered how andrew reacted when he first found neil missing after the binghampton game (starts pg 235 in the king's men). thoughts? (-- the ttyl blog <3)

omg i literally finished re-reading that scene before seeing your ask skjflsj ~ i hope you like this ! (i'm just realizing that i barely followed ur request and just rambled a lot but that's FINE 😬)

read it on ao3 here :)

«««———»»»

Andrew walked in line to the bus with the rest of the Foxes, mind going a million miles an hour behind his impassive expression. 

"Thank you," Neil had said, eyes truer than Andrew had ever seen them. "You were amazing."

Andrew wasn't such a fool for Neil Josten that he couldn't figure out there was something more happening under the surface, something bigger than just an Exy shutout, that he wasn't telling anyone. Something forcing truth out of him.

Neil looked scared.

Apparently, no one else received the memo, because behind him, Matt Boyd kept kicking at Andrew's heels and Andrew could nearly see the nosy smile on Reynold's face. Boyd's voice was drowned out by the cacophony of both jeers and shouts of approval coming from all around them, but he had no doubts that Boyd was fishing for information surrounding his and Neil's "not this" to settle a bet of some sort.

Andrew didn't really care. He was more focused on leaving Binghamton, getting some answers out of Neil, and then kissing him senseless.

Of course, Andrew had no plans to tell Neil of that last item on the list, but he was sure he (and everyone else, apparently) knew anyway.

Maybe not Nicky, though. For all his cousin boasted about having an "incredible gaydar," he tended to be a bit clueless about Andrew.

Andrew's eyes were unfocused, gazing at the bounce of Neil's red curls while his thoughts wandered around nothing at all.

Nothing? his mind mused unhelpfully. Or Neil? Or is that one in the same now?

Shut up, he huffed internally. I hate him.

Lost in his head, it was only until he heard a pained curse from Aaron that he jerked straight and saw the world burning around him.

«««———»»»

Andrew's vision went red. 

He nearly would have broken out of line and straight into the tidal wave of rioters had he not noticed the police trying to push back the crowd. He had never trusted the pigs, but Andrew supposed he could let them handle the mess until he'd gotten a chance to check on Aaron at the bus.

He had nearly fooled himself with that thought when an ice cooler sailed through the air and missed Danielle's face by an inch. An enraged shout came from Andrew's right, and he could feel the familiar heat of adrenaline in his stomach that always came when he and Renee sparred.

There was going to be a fight.

No sooner than he had that thought, the crowd around him exploded into madness, nearly running the Foxes over. Andrew may have been ready to throw some punches, but he was not at all prepared for the onslaught of unfamiliar bodies piling on him. Moving around him. Touching him. 

Andrew couldn't breathe.

He lost sight of Neil's head in the mess, hoping one of the security guards would bring Neil to safety while Andrew tried to ground himself. What had Bee taught him? 

What is your name? Andrew Minyard.

How old are you? 20 years old.

What is upsetting you? Hands. Everywhere.

Can you do something about it? Yes. I can move now.

He felt the glancing blow of someone's elbow on his face, nearly hitting his eye. It was sure to bruise later, but for now, the sharp pain mixed with Bee's words were enough to shake Andrew out of his stupor.

He ducked to the left, neatly missing a thrown shoe and was grateful to his limited stature for once. He kept an eye out for a flash of red, the glint of blue eyes, but seeing that Neil was nearly as short as Andrew himself, the effort was futile.

He'll be fine, Andrew thought. Find Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin, and get to the bus.

To his surprise (or maybe not), Andrew found Reynolds trading fierce blows with someone twice her size, Renee at her back. He caught Renee's glance and she gave him a firm nod of reassurance.

He nodded back, already swiveling to find the rest of his group. 

After a few minutes, he spotted Nicky and Kevin huddled together, slowly moving to the edge of the crowd. He caught up and grabbed Nicky's wrist, who jerked away and reared his hand back for a punch before realizing it was Andrew.

Despite it all, Andrew felt a thrum of satisfaction. A few years ago, Nicky had let people beat him down over and over again. At least now he was learning to fight back.

"Oh thank god," Nicky cried, catching Kevin's attention, before his eyes widened. He reached out, remembering himself at the last second. "Andrew... your face, what happened?"

Andrew shrugged. He'd been through worse. 

Nicky looked like he wanted to say something, but Kevin cursed loudly and began pushing out of the sea of bodies with renowned vigor.

"It's getting more violent and more people are joining," Kevin said, voice strained. "We need to get out and regroup at the bus."

"Aaron?" Andrew asked. Nicky glanced around a few moments before pointing to his right.

"There!" he exclaimed, and motioned to Kevin to go in that direction. Kevin nodded and they made their way over to Aaron, who was ducking under beer bottles and was nearly smacked in the face by a PSU banner.

"Aaron!" Kevin called, and Aaron's shoulders dropped with relief as he swerved a growing fight and made his way over to them.

Andrew scanned his brother quickly and, after seeing no visible injuries, motioned to start back towards the parking lot. They made their way over to the bus and found Boyd and Danielle standing, the former looking like he'd just lost a fight with a mountain lion.

Danielle was gripping his arm as Abby tended to his wounds, but Andrew heard her say he might need to go to the hospital for the more serious injuries. Boyd looked pained at the thought, but when he glanced up and caught Andrew's eye, he smiled and waved them over.

"Andrew, here," Abby said, noticing his injury. He took an ice pack from her and glanced around.

"Where's Neil?" he asked, choosing to ignore the suggestive look between Boyd and Danielle. Abby shrugged and opened her mouth before her eyes caught on something behind Andrew and she waved.

Andrew turned around to find Renee and Reynolds walking proudly towards them. Reynolds had a mosaic of bruises all over her, and Renee was holding her wrist precariously.

Abby sighed and began treating them as Wymack rounded the front of the bus and finally found his team.

Not the whole team, a ringing voice said in Andrew's head. Neil isn't here yet.

Which was odd, no? He had a security guard in front of him, surely he would have made it here first? Perhaps Wymack had seen him and taken him somewhere. Maybe he was already safe in the bus and Abby hadn’t noticed him.

Andrew pushed past Danielle and boarded the bus, walking the length of it but not finding a loudmouthed striker in its shadows. His stomach became knotted with a curious feeling he slowly identified as dread.

Andrew was at the door of the bus again. He looked at Wymack.

"Where. Is. Neil." he demanded. He saw Wymack's confused expression and before he even said anything, Andrew felt his heart stop.

"I don't know. I thought he was with you."

Reynold's knowing smirk gave way to uncertainty as the rest of the Foxes quieted. There was silence for a moment. Two.

Then Andrew threw his ice pack on the floor and raced back into the heart of the riot.

«««———»»»

He ignored the shouts coming from behind him, his mind an endless loop of Neil, Neil, Neil, is he safe, has he been hurt, he was supposed to be nothing, NEIL

After a few minutes of searching and more than a few near punches, the police finally regained some control over the situation and Andrew was able to scour the grounds for any hint of where Neil might be.

He saw the racquet first. The duffle bag was a few meters away from it.

Numbly, Andrew picked up both items, grabbing Neil's phone as it fell from the netted side pocket.

0, it said. 

Andrew felt a piercing emptiness when he saw Neil's things without their rightful owner beside them.

He slowly walked back to the Foxes' bus, head pounding but unable to really register the dwindling fight behind him. And when the Foxes finally came in view, he saw the confusion on their faces when they saw no Neil walking with him.

Andrew mentally ran through everything that he knew. Neil was scared. He was running from someone, someone Kevin knew about? A zero on his phone from an unnamed number — a countdown, perhaps. He would never leave his things unattended, so maybe he wanted to tell Andrew he had been taken unwillingly, knowing that Andrew would never leave without him.

There was something he was missing, some vital piece of information that Neil hadn't told him that was causing this mess.

The guilty look on Kevin's face told Andrew everything he needed to know. He knew something.

He dumped Neil's things on the ground by Wymack's feet, mentally assessing himself. His cheek throbbed, each breath he took was sticky with sweat, his heart was pounding.

Neil was gone.

Andrew felt such a blind hot rage at that, the likes of which he hadn't felt in so long, the type where he felt like laughing at how cruel the world could be.

And before he could tell his body to stop, Andrew's hands were around Kevin's throat.

«««———»»»

"Shit Andrew! You're hurting— " "Andrew, stop— " "Get off of— "

«««———»»»

Andrew couldn't remember what happened after that, not immediately at least. It was a bit disorienting, going from a perfect recollection to being so overrun by anger that his mind went blank. Was this how everyone else felt all the time? He felt like someone just took out a Jenga piece from his mind, like it was close to collapsing.

Distantly, he recalled being yanked off of Kevin as he gasped some explanation about a mob boss, Kengo's right hand man, Nathaniel Wesninski. But none of it mattered. Andrew had broken his promise. He had hurt the person he had vowed to protect, just like so many had done to him.

And he still didn't have Neil.

«««———»»»

Neil used to make the emptiness a bit fuller, a bit easier to manage, Andrew thought. It felt so impossible to navigate himself now without Neil by Andrew's side.

«««———»»»

There was a hospital. A hotel. There were FBI agents. The news turned on. Off. On. There was another hotel. Handcuffs. Taken away.

«««———»»»

There was Nathaniel Neil. Standing in front of him. Blue eyes, wild hair, bandages unable to hide how irresistible he was, unable to stop the jolt in Andrew's heart.

There was Neil. And everything felt right again.

[palmett-hoes]

which of the foxes do you think get tattoos in the future?? and like what tattoos??? ive been thinking abt andrew possibly getting tattoos but then idk if it would fit him??? idk lol

hmm i'm of mixed mind on this one tbh. on the one hand, i’m a Huge Slut for tattoos and body mods. ik yall have never seen me bc ive never posted a selfie but i have a bunch of piercings and a couple tattoos myself. on the other hand im sorta iffy at best on if i think andrew would get them

piercings are definitely a hard no for him. as someone who plays a contact sport (with a helmet!) and gets into fistfights, he’d basically have to be a goddamn moron to have peircings, which he isn’t. though actually i do hc that he has a split lobe because when he was in high school he pierced his own ear, then had it torn out in a fight later and almost took half his ear with it. no more after that

in terms of tattoos... i can basically only think of reasons why he wouldn’t get them, in all honesty. they require having a stranger touch you for an extended period of time, often times having to remove clothes to do it, which is a big ol’ no-no for him

more than that tho, tattoos are... personal. they say something about you, about who you are, what you value. even the most meaningless tattoo conveys a message about you, even if it’s just your sense of humor or an art style you like. i tend to be a little cagey about really going in depth about what my tattoos mean, because they represent things that are very personal and also very vulnerable to say out loud, and of course i’m not obligated to explain them to anyone, but they are,,, exterior. other people can see them. people can ask me about them

andrew is an intensely private person. he’s rarely been able to keep things that are meaningful in his life, most of them get taken away from him, and a lot of them have been used against him. he’s learned to be very guarded about what information about himself he shares, down to the littlest details. for this reason, especially because i’m familiar with the vulnerable feeling of having something personal on my skin for other people to see,even if  they don’t know what it means, i,,,,, have a very hard time seeing andrew with tattoos, from the standpoint of character analysis

that probably isn’t what you wanted to hear, sorry

i can definitely see it being different for other foxes, though

neil for instance i can see getting tattoos for basically the same but opposite reason of why i can’t see andrew getting them

like,,, even just about their scars and the possibility of them getting covered by tattoos. i can see neil wanting to get it done but i can’t see andrew wanting it

for andrew, his scars serve a purpose to him. he did them to himself and he choose to do it in order to exert control on himself to psychologically survive a time when he didn’t have control over anything else. they’re honestly a mark of strength for him. he covers them not because he’s ashamed of them but because they’re something personal to him, and he doesn’t think that strangers should be able to have access to that information about him so easily

with neil, yes his scars are also a sign of strength and survival, but neil himself doesn’t really view them that way. he hides them not only because they’re identifiable, but because they honestly trigger him. they’re more of a reminder of other people hurting him and hunting him and making him powerless than they are a reminder of him resisting and triumphing

i think if he covered them with tattoos it would function as a reclamation of his body. it’s not an attempt to erase his history, because the scars would still be there, but he could cover them with something that reminds him of being strong rather than something that reminds him of being weak

not to mention, neil - unlike andrew - does have a desire to be seen, he just also has a fear of being understood. neil’s main motivation throughout the books, why he makes so many choices that knowingly put himself at risk, is his desire to be seen, to be known. he wants to be remembered, he wants to matter. he wants to be famous. he wants people to know his name. he loves exy but part of what he loves is the crowd, is being watched

but he also knows that this is dangerous. his mother beat into him how forbidden this was, so he’s also afraid of presenting his authentic self just as much as he desires it

(not to be an andreil stan again but this is also why he and andrew just,, work. because andrew is simultaneously so persistent to uncover neil’s truths yet so respectful of his boundaries at the same time. neil wants andrew to see him, and at the same time he doesn’t, so when andrew first tries to pry neil runs away, and andrew backs off just enough for neil to settle down. then andrew tries again, pries into neil just until he starts to retreat, and then stops. he breaks through that shell of hesitency and fear that neil’s life enforced on him and invites him to come out and be seen, and neil WANTS to be seen, wants to step out and be known. it’s just,, such a precarious relationship, but at the same time such a perfect one)

which is why tattoos covering his scars seems perfect. that feeling i described of someone seeing your tattoos, that’s a feeling neil craves, that perfect balance between being seen and not known, of having yourself be on display and at the same time being hidden and undecipherable

[91percentpynch]

if the world was ending - kevaaron au pt 6

we‘re slowly getting our happy ending i think? anyways shout out to the guys who sticked around ever since part one and encouraged me to publish the parts!! hope you enjoy this one as well! stay hydrated, eat something, feel hugged (or take a finger heart if you don‘t like physical contact) and know that i love you!! also this one‘s out of aaron‘s pov!!

the song of this part is if the world was ending by julia michaels and jp saxe

check this out for part 1-5

Aaron only planned to get to his dealer that night, just wanted the voices to stop, just wanted the feeling of numbness again

What he didn‘t want was landing in the hospital, but when did anything ever work out the way he wanted?

So when he was on the way to his dealer, tears clouding his vision, he didn‘t see the stop sign. He didn‘t notice the truck. And that was how a truck landed in the passenger side of his car, Aaron losing consciousness and somehow waking up in the ER of Chicago Hospital

„We called your emergency contact, they said they would come as soon as possible honey“, a nurse told him.

What they apparently did not know was that his emergency contact was Nicky, who left him for Germany.

Aaron wasn‘t mad. He got it. Nicky gave up so much for him and Andrew, never getting the love he deserved, he did his best.

Plus Nicky would probably call Andrew his way so he wasn‘t alone until he got the first possible flight to sit by his side for a few days before returning to his picture book perfect family.

Aaron wasn‘t mad. He really wasn‘t. He just missed his cousin. The only constant in his life, the only good part in his family.

Having a twin brother is pretty nice as well - in theory as well. Until said twin brother refuses to talk to you. Until said twin brother chooses his stupid boyfriend over you. Until you realize said twin brother doesn‘t care about you.

But Aaron couldn‘t blame him. He wasn‘t interesting enough for anyone to care about.

Aaron slipped in and out of consciousness

„I can‘t get morphime, I‘m an addict“, he said in one of his moments of consciousness. Not that he would particulary mind getting morphime, he wanted to get high after all, but Kevin‘s stupid little voice wouldn‘t let him go. „Why do you only call me when you‘re high Aaron?“, Kevin‘s face when he came to see him earlier, the day they decided to go to rehab together as friends and it ended up as them falling in love

„That‘s alright honey, we got you“, the nurse replied.

The next time Aaron woke up after that was in a white room, alone in an uncomfortable bed. Alone with his thoughts because Nicky wouldn‘t be here for at least another day. His brother was somewhere with Josten. The only person he really wanted to see refused to talk to him. Which is understandable to be fair.

Taylor, fuck he needed to tell her where he was.

Aaron was just about to look for his phone when someone kicked his door open, hurriedly crossing the room to be close to him.

Slowly Aaron raised his eyes, looking who it was. Kevin fucking Day was in his fucking room.

„You fucking idiot, what have you done?“, Kevin was close to tears, for whatever reason. Obviously not for Aaron, right?

„I don‘t need your fucking pity“, Aaron replied, shutting himself down, it was safer that way.

„Did you tell them you can‘t have morphine? Because you might relapse, i mean you already did but we don‘t want it to get worse. And this is not pity, this is Nicky yelling at me in Spanish cause you‘re in the hospital and he‘s in Germany and I‘m the closest to you and he does not want his son to be alone“, Day ever so unimpressed by Aaron‘s walls replied.

Nicky worrying about Aaron that much made the blonde feel warm inside, important, loved.

Nonetheless Aaron couldn‘t stop thinking about the person that didn‘t care to show up.

„Andrew didn‘t care to come, did he?“, Aaron‘s voice was barely audible as he hid his face in his pillow, in case those traitous tears made their way down his cheeks.

„Andrw does care about you, he‘s just shit at showing it, that fucking asshole“, Kevin replied in a soft voice, Irish accent slightly audible, the voice he used when he‘s about to be emotional or scared or mad or overall feeling strongly. „C‘mon what have you done Minyard?“

Was that worry in his voice? Could it be that he actually cared? No, no that couldn‘t be. Not when refused to talk to him.

„Car accident, not that its any of your fucking business“, Aaron replied, trying his hardest to sound as if he didn‘t care that Kevin was there with him, trying to push Kevin away, to protect his heart from another rejection.

„How are you?“, Kevin said, his Irish accent becoming a little stronger, voice thick with worry. Worry? Why would he worry about Aaron?

„Fucking great, I should let a truck drive into me more often. Very freeing. Very calming“, Aaron answered sarcastically, looking anywhere but Kevin‘s smaragd green eyes, maybe even the green of the lake they used to go in rehab, in the fluroscent light of the hospital.

„A truck. Drove into you?“, the Irish accent was now so strong Aaron could barely make out the words.

Aaron couldn‘t take it anymore, he turned around. Maybe Kevin would take the hint that he wasn‘t able to be close to him, not without being hurt, not without feeling empty. „Not that you would care“, he said, voice barely more than a breath against the pillow.

„Aaron first of all I can see you naked ass and not that I wouldn‘t mind the view and I‘ve seen it often enough but the nurses don‘t have to see that too. And secondly of course I care. I always did. Always will“

Something about Kevin mentioning Aaron‘s naked ass made the blonde boy blush as he turned back towards Kevin. Aaron didn‘t even notice that those strangers undressed him. That made him feel slightly uncomfortable.

„Why wouldn‘t you listen to me if you care so much? You‘re exactly like like Andrew, you guys only ever care when I‘m about to die or do something that doesn‘t sit right with you. Never about me as a person. The conecept about me maybe, but me? Me as a person? No one cares about that“, Aaron replied to the earlier statement, because he wanted to hurt Kevin, wanted the other boy to leave him just like the rest, just like he deserved. Aaron didn‘t need empty promises and lies - God know he had enough of those in his miserable life. Aaron didn‘t need pity or words of comfort or kindness. Aaron didn‘t need Kevin Day. Unless he did.

„You are Aaron Minyard. Born on the 4th of November, 8:31:45 am. You grew up in California in the house next to Nicky. Nicky and you were always close and you didn‘t have many friends because of your mom. Your mom might have abused her and I might hate her for that but you still love her and I get that because on some fucked up level I still care about Riko. You are allergic to cats, peanuts and house dust. You have a freckle right on your right hip, under your navel, from under your left eye over to the nose to the corner of your right eye. You like it when you are hold when you can‘t sleep but you hate showing affection in public. You were 13 when you started exy, because it gave you an escape, but you had to stop because the bruises from your mother‘s beating got to obvious. So you started getting into medicine. You borrowed every single book on medicine you could find and read it at night, always hidden from your mom. You had to have straight As or the beatings would be worse. Your mom did go out to have ice cream with you when it was especially bad. That‘s why you hate ice cream so much, especially vanillia because it was her favourite. Your secret hobby is skating. You feel free when you do it. You want to live at the coast, but not close to Cali, never back to Cali. You want Andrew to notice you and you hate how easily he let Neil in because obviously deserve it more and I get that. You tried drugs to escape, to see what was the appeal. Your uncle never helped you but he brainwashed you into believing he did. You grew up very religous and in an extraordinary homophobic household, you watched your cousin and only friend getting shipped away because he was different, not right, so you confinced yourself you were different. Heterosexual. When in reality you knew since you were 15 that you preferred guys. You liked girls as well. At least you thought but it‘s so much more complicated. Actually it isn‘t. You‘re asexual, you do however like the feeling of sex. You think the process is disgusting, but you still like the feeling. It has to be the right person though. It doesn‘t matter wether it‘s a boy or a girl or something else entierly, all that matters are the feelings the person makes you feel. It took you years to accept that you are not wrong, that you wouldn‘t have to go away like Nicky. You apologized to Nicky. You thought you had to be against their relationships, because that‘s what they made you believe. Old habits die hard. But you got over it and I am very proud of you. You sleep with a teddybear or with another person that cuddles you because the thought of being alone scares the living crap out of you. Your favourite flowers are sunflowers because yellow is a happy color. You hate sweets, you prefer salty snacks. You prefer coffee black, like your sould. You use sarcasm and humor as your coping mechanism. You stole my history books because you love history as well. You also love art but you don‘t think you are good enought to become an artist. You would love to work at Jean‘s studio but you are afraid to ask. You and Jean used to be friends but you cut him off and isolated yourself because your anxities and insecurities took over you again. Sometimes you have depressive episodes, in these you crave drugs more than normally. You want to stop it, you really do but somehow your brain tries to tell you you need it. You would love to have five dogs. An Irish Red Setter, an Irish Wolfhound, a poodle a big one though, a labrador and a golden retriever. You also want to adopt at least two kids. You don‘t want any child to go through what you had to go through or Andrew. So don‘t you dare tell me I never cared for you. Because I do. I listen when you tell me things. I remember every single time you came to me, black out drunk, crying and telling me you‘re worthless. Because every single time I wanted to tell you you aren‘t. You are a wonderful human being and I don‘t understand why I wasn‘t enough for you to stay but I will not let you tell me I never cared about you. Because that‘s some fucking bullshit“

Whatever Aaron expected to happen it certainly wasn‘t that. No one ever payed attention to him. No one ever listened to what he had to say. No one ever showed him that they cared about him. No one ever payed enough attention to him to see that he was worth their attention.

„You really did listen“, Aaron said, quietly, not able to put his feelings into words.

Aaron Minyared was never good with words. Causing pain with them? Yes. Sarcastic comments? Sure. But declearations of love? Or a simple thank you? Or really anything that would fit this situation? No, Aaron couldn‘t do that.

„Why wasn‘t I enough for you?“, the voice with tears, words hidden behind the strong Irish accent, was what made Aaron look up. Looking up into eyes the color of the lake they used to go to in their summer spend in the rehab clinic, tears falling down his beautiful cheeks, uncontrollable and messy.

„You? Not enough?“, Aaron whispered, eyes locked with the taller boy, „I was not enough. I was never enough. Not for my mother. Not for Katelyn. And certainly not for the Queen of Exy. I was never a good enough player, I was never a good enough student, I was never a good enough person. You deserve the best. Someone that loves Exy the way you do, someone as passionate and beautiful and strong as you. Not a burden. Not a no one like me. You deserve the sun, things that are bright and warm and beautiful. Not some broken, poor trailer trash. Not some drug addicted wannabe doctor. Some who can give you the love you need. Not someone struggeling to accept themselves. Not someon who can‘t even look at themselves accepting that they fell heads over heels in love with a man, struggeling to accept that, thinking someone will come and beat the shit out of them because it‘s the only thing you know. I don‘t understand the yearning, I don‘t understand the wanting, I don‘t understand the pain your absence causes me. Because I was never loved. Not properly. I mean sure I know Nicky loves me, but that‘s different. You deserves someone who‘s not too fucked up to be able to show love, not someone so fucked up they don‘t even understand the concept of love. You deserve somoene who can give you things. I can‘t offer you anything. Nothing. Nothing but a heart screaming your name. Nothing but a mind you reign. And I am so fucking sorry I ever left you without saying goodbye. I am so fucking sorry for being a coward. It was never because I stopped loving you. In the contrast. It was because there was not a single day where I thought I was good enough for you. There was not a single day the little voice in my head would shut up about how you are way to fucking good for me. You deserve so much more than I can offer you. So much more“, Aaron‘s voice broke at the last more.

„This was never your choice to make. I am a grown up fucked up man, I can decide who I can and will love very good on my own and I know you never wanted to hear it. But I chose you. I‘ve been falling in love with you ever since I met you. Started with a cute little crush. Ended up here“, Kevin said coming closer and closer to Aaron. „You talk about being so fucked up, well guess what? So am I. I am sick and tired of being seen as the Queen of Exy, of being reduced to Exy and my past alcohol problem. It‘s like I am nothing but the stick in my hand. I am nothing but the sport my mother invented. I am not even a human being anymore. At least that was what I was told. Until I met you. You and your stupid sarcatic remarks. The thougt of you seeing me was enough for me to keep trying to impress you somehow, make you see something worth keeping. But it was never enough. It would never be enough for someone to stay“

„Kevin Day. Born on the 22nd February 1986. Excuse me I don‘t know the exact time but about 7:15 pm. Your favourite color is red, not the Ravens red, the deep dark red of the Trojans because you associate it with Jeremy Knox and he was some kind of fucking sun in the nest. You had something with Jean in the nest. Riko that absolute fucking asshole somehow found out and tried to force you to do terrible things to Jean. But you couldn‘t do it. Not because you are weak like you like to think, no because you are kind and have heart of gold. I can‘t believe I just said that I want to vomit. Eww. Anyways you have massive self-esteem issues because you either think you‘re a walking failure or you have a god complex and there is no fucking in between and I love that about you. You have a constellation of freckles on your back and a little tattoo on your left hip. It‘s a little sun and a little moon on the right. Because you love the sun because it‘s bright and warm and you like that. The moon is far away, it‘s cold and lonely. The sun is your mother. You are the moon. Over your heart you have your mother‘s signature tatooted. Because she watches over you and unlike mine you actually can associate nice things with her. You want to move to Ireland once you retire. Because you want to be closer to your mom. You have your whole ass wedding planned already, because you love planning events like that. It‘s like your fucking secret superpower. You think cows are adorable and you want to pet one so badly. You are scared of chickens and swans and ducks. You are lactose intolerant and you have sport indicated asthma. You don‘t like when other people touch your arms and your back. You like forhead kisses. You like holding hands. You like showing affection, but not in public because you‘re scared what people think of you. You pretend to be arrogant and an asshole but it‘s all just walls around yourself to protect you. Secretly you just want someone to see right through it. Unlike me you do actually paint and you love photography. I know you rented a secret little atelier. Your favourite historical period is the 20th centuriy and you are oddly obsessed with eastern european and Irish history. You love horses. You love cows. You want to do horse riding once. You try so very hard to be more than just Exy. Hyperfixations are your coping mechanism. And spontaniously buying like 10 books. You love reading. You love tea. Your favourite genere is in fact not historical fiction but fantasy fiction based on history. You love rambling about random historical facts and I loved listening to it. You love soft kisses more than the hungry ones. You hate that people want you for your body, not your personality. You hate being sexualized. You hate being an object. You hate your title. But at the same time you love it. You just want to make your mother proud. And your dad. Right now you‘re wearing your mother‘s ring around your neck. Wymack found it somewhere and gave it to you. You haven‘t put it down ever since. You want to paint your nails because you think it looks pretty but you worry too much what people would think about you. You listen to classical music. You play the violin and the piano. You learned it at Palmetto somehow. You learned it because your mother used to play the fiddle, said it made her think of Ireland somehow, and when you were sad she played you some Irish lullabies on it. You love the Irish culture. You love Ireland. And your biggest dream is to get married on one of Ireland‘s cliffs. Because the ocean calms you down. Helps your anxiety. In summer your face is covered in freckles and not only your face. Oddly. You actually love swimming. Or sitting at the water. Looking at it. You collect books. You collect stones. You collect whatever you think is beautiful. You also like collecting shells. You hate to label yourself but you always preferred boys. There are days where you feel more feminie, days where you feel more masculine and days where you feel like neither. Today is a masculine day I see. Jeremy made you braclets when you

told him you were like him. You feel terrible about leaving Jean back but you also know that it was necessary. You are strong and beautiful and I know you canno see that and I know you don‘t want to hear that. You are more than your body. You are so much more. And the only reason I was stupid enough to leave you was because I thought I was not good enough. And an unhealthy amount of internalized homophobia. I just hear my mother‘s voice inside my head when I hold your hand or kiss you and I hate that. The moment I had to sleep without you the voices grew louder and it didn‘t even take a week before I had to find a dealer. I called you when I was high because the voides were silent. I called you when I was high because admitting that I missed you and that I need you was easier than. The two to four hours I slept were filled with you. In my dreams you were with me. You kissed me. You held me in these ridicously strong hands. You were with me and the world was okay. And when I woke up and you weren‘t here I just didn‘t want to get up. My grades got worse because I wasn‘t able to concentrate without you. Yes I am able to funciton without you, it was just nice to have something good in my life once. And yes I will be able to keep it up without you. A B or C here and there won‘t hurt too much. I will probably be able to become the neurologist I want to be. I will get through life. It will just not be the same. It will just be grey and black and white. With you I had colors“

„That was hard for you to say right?“, Kevin asked, tears still silently running down his cheeks.

Aaron nooded, watching as Kevin‘s face came closer and closer until he could feel his breath against his cheeks.

He was about to ask someone as a loud knock was on the door and the door was opened rather aggressivly, making Kevin get away quickly.

[senstia]

Bisexual Matt having a crush on Neil??? Andrew noticing???

yes yess heres some angst and a huge dose of soft and fluffy andreil of course, i love writing neil defending andrew❤️

Andrew couldn’t help but notice, it had been pathetically obvious, truly. Andrew had been hyperaware of the fact that many people found Neil attractive and that even more had crushes on him since he had met Neil. It was just a fact of life. Neil was happily oblivious of course, his gaze only ever focused on Andrew or Exy. Andrew never had a reason to be jealous, or suspicious, not when Neil was so perfectly loyal, not when he unquestioningly gave every ounce of his love, attention, and trust to Andrew with no hesitation. But this was different. Concerning. Not because Andrew was threatened... but because it was... Matt.

Andrew had known Matt cared for Neil, loved him. He had just assumed it was brotherly. Besides, Matt was dating Dan. But now Dan and Matt had been broken up for months and Andrew had noticed Matt’s lingering stares. Matt’s eyes would sparkle whenever Neil spoke, his eyes would flick to Neil’s lips every once in a while. He laughed at Neil more than normal. He found more reasons to casually touch him. Neil didn’t notice, or didn’t care. Neil loved Matt, Matt was Neil’s best friend. But it was quite obvious more than friendship was on Matt’s mind.

Right now Andrew was watching Neil give Matt pointers on his math homework. Matt soaked up every word Neil said, gave every ounce of his attention to listening to Neil, looking at him, and Andrew knew damn well nobody cared that much about math homework. Neil leaned over to write something on Matt’s paper, their fingers brushing. Matt seemed to freeze at the contact. He brushed his hand back against Neil’s. Neil barely noticed, just glanced down for a second and then lifted his hand to write again. Andrew wanted to hit Neil. How could he be so stupid? Andrew shouldn’t have been surprised. Back when Andrew had a crush on Neil, Neil had never noticed, he literally had had to spell it out for him. The idiot. And now Neil was just as oblivious to Matt’s crush too.

And then they were at Eden’s. Neil had invited the upperclassmen, so that meant Matt had come along. Neil usually stayed back and sat with Andrew while the others danced but today Matt had looked at Neil nervously and asked if Neil wanted to come dance with him. Of course Neil didn’t think anything of it. Neil looked to Andrew, as he always did. Andrew just gave him an unimpressed stare.

“Go ahead.”

Neil nodded and followed Matt to the dance floor. Andrew was curious as to what would happen. At first they danced a few inches apart. Andrew’s blood heated at the sight of Neil’s lithe body moving under the strobe lights. But then Matt moved closer. He played it off by saying something to Neil, making it seem like he was only getting closer so that Neil could hear him. Neil stepped closer, leaned in so that he could hear Matt. And then Matt’s eyes were glued to Neil’s lips. Matt’s hands ghosted over Neil’s hips as he stared and stared at those full lips. Finally Neil noticed. Neil looked up at Matt in question. Matt said something and Neil cocked his head to the side, and then nodded. Then suddenly Matt was taking Neil’s hand and leading him out of the club.

Andrew couldn’t help but follow. He got close enough so that he could see and hear everything, but kept himself hidden so they couldn’t see him. Matt was leaned against the wall, Neil standing next to him, looking slightly confused.

“What is it you wanted to talk about?” Neil asked innocently.

Matt rubbed his neck nervously, “Listen Neil there’s something... I-I don’t know. I can’t. I shouldn’t-,” Matt stuttered nervously.

“Matt?” Neil asked, looking concerned. Neil stepped closer to Matt and looked up to his face, “Is everything okay?”

Matt sighed deeply, “I think- I- Can I show you what i’m trying to say? It’s too hard to talk.”

Neil cocked his head to the side, “Okay?”

Matt bit his lip, “Just... don’t tell Andrew.”

Neil immediately froze at the words, taking a step back.

Neil was on the defensive now, “Don’t tell Andrew what?” Neil asked harshly.

Matt took a step closer to Neil, splaying his hands wide, “Please Neil. I just... need to do this.”

Neil just narrowed his eyes and stayed silent, waiting. And then before Neil could react, Matt was kissing him, his hands in Neil’s hair. Neil’s entire body locked at the contact and he shoved Matt away.

“Matt! What the hell?”

Andrew was about half a second away from putting a knife in Matt’s gut but he wanted to see what Neil would do next.

“I-I’m sorry” Matt stuttered, “I had to.”

“What do you mean you had to? Do you like me or something?”

“I’m in love with you Neil,” Matt said miserably.

Neil stepped back. His face hardened.

“Matt thats not... We’re just friends. You’re my best friend.”

“I know Neil. God! I know! You think this is easy for me? I didn’t expect to fall for you. But you’re just... you’re everything Neil. You always have been. I know you don’t feel the same, but I just.. I had to try. Just once. Just don’t tell Andrew. He’ll kill me.”

Neil was shaking his head over and over, stumbling backwards.

“Matt thats... that’s not okay. You know I’m with Andrew. You asked me to hide this from Andrew. I’m sorry Matt. I know this is hard for you and I know l’m being insensitive right now but fuck you. I’m with Andrew. Don’t ever, ever ask me to hide something from him. Especially something like this. Andrew is it for me. I am in love with him. Only him. You know that. Did you really think I would kiss you back? I would never cheat on Andrew, never give him any reason not to trust me. Andrew is the love of my life Matt. You fucking know that. I’ve told you that. So what the hell was that?”

Matt’s entire body was shaking, he looked distraught.

“I know Neil, I know. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I just... I’ve been losing my mind and I’ve wanted to tell you everything for weeks but I knew this would happen and I was terrified and I couldn’t think. Couldn’t talk. I didn’t know how else to show you. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you without permission. I shouldn’t have asked you to hide something from Andrew. I know you two are in love. I know that. I’m so sorry Neil.”

“It’s okay Matt. Just don’t do it again.” Neil said harshly, “I think we should probably take some space for a while, so you can work out your feelings. You’re my best friend. But I’ll never be able to be more than that for you. I need to go find Andrew. Don’t make that face. He’s not going to do anything. He’s not the monster you all think he is.” Neil started to walk away, then glanced back at Matt. “Are you going to be okay?”

Matt smiled a soft, sad smile, “Yeah i’ll be okay. I knew it was always going to be this way. Some space is probably best though. I’ll see you around Neil.”

Neil just nodded and walked away. Andrew intercepted him. Right when Neil saw Andrew he knew he had heard the whole thing. Andrew didn’t look angry, or tense. He looked calm and at peace. Andrew just gestured to the car and Neil followed. Once they were inside they both sat in silence for a moment, neither moving.

“Drew?” Neil said softly.

“Hmm?”

Neil just looked at him, waiting.

Andrew sighed, “I already knew Boyd loved you.”

Neil blinked, “You did? How?”

Andrew rolled his eyes, “Not everyone is as oblivious as you Neil.”

Neil huffed out a laugh and lifted a hand to Andrew’s cheek. Andrew nodded a yes and Neil stroked his cheek over and over as he stared at him.

“Only you Drew. I’ll only ever love you, only ever want you. No one else matters.”

Andrew didn’t have the words. When he had heard Neil say all those beautiful things to Matt, defending him, loving him, he had felt like his heart might explode. How was it that this silver tongued beautiful redhead loved him... he didn’t know. But he’d cherish it every day til he died. Because Neil was it for him too. The only one he loved, the only one he wanted, forever. It had taken him long enough to admit those things to himself. To Neil. Now that he was comfortable enough to let himself feel it, say it, it was everything.

“Me too,” Andrew whispered roughly, “Only you Junkie.”

“Yes or no?”

Andrew answered by leaning in and kissing those perfect lips, cupping Neil’s perfect face in his hands. Neil pulled back and brushed his nose against Andrew’s, their foreheads together. They stayed that way for a while, just quiet, breathing each other in. Andrew had never had someone who loved him so unapologetically, who defended him and trusted him and stuck by him through every dark turn. It struck him stupid every time he thought of how Neil loved him. It didn’t seem real. Pipe dream.

Andrew didn’t realize he had said that last phrase aloud until Neil replied.

“I’m not. I will always love you Andrew. I will defend you and stick by you and trust you every day for as long as you let me.”

“I know. Me too,” Andrew took a deep breath, “I heard everything you said to Matt. Thank you.” Andrew’s voice was rough with emotion.

Neil lifted his head, kissed Andrew softly on the forehead.

“No thank yous. I will always choose you. Always tell you. Always defend you. Don’t ever expect anything less.”

Andrew just sighed and twined his hands in Neil’s hair, “Okay.”

After a while Neil winced, “I think I was a little too harsh with him.”

“He’ll be fine. He knew it was going to happen.”

“Do you think he’ll ever be my friend again?”

Andrew shrugged, “I’m sure he’ll get over it. It will take time though. Boyd is the sensitive type.”

Neil cringed, “Oops,” and then asked, “How did you know he had feelings for me?”

“Because I recognized the symptoms.”

“The symptoms of what?”

“Of loving Neil Josten.”

Neil’s cheeks flushed a deep red. He leaned in close. “Yes or no?”

Andrew nodded and leaned in too. He expected a kiss but Neil wrapped Andrew in a tight embrace, tucking his head into the crook of Andrew’s neck. They held each other tightly for long minutes. Neither of them hugged anyone very often but sometimes it was a way to convey their love when words just weren’t enough. After a while Neil sighed.

“I love you so much Drew.”

Andrew just stroked his fingers soothingly along Neil’s back, “I love you too Junkie.”

[xlady-saya]

Hello! I don’t really use this account a whole lot but I wanted to go ahead and make a pinned post, which I’ll hopefully remember to update frequently lol. Anyways, here’s a collection of the fics I’ve written for aftg, andreil, and others so far ^^

progress comes in small steps series [complete]

and we’re just starting to get it [Rated T, 11.1k]

Neil is nothing and everything all at once, the entire universe for Andrew, however small of a universe that is. Even Aaron is starting to see it, though the pieces still don't line up.

And Andrew is trying to convince Aaron that he's never jealous? Yeah right. You don't spend your entire life being denied, being hurt, going through foster care with nothing to call your own only to be okay with someone else trying to take the one bright piece of life you call yours.

Or, Aaron is done with Andrew's shit and makes it his job to prove his brother wrong.

there’s always more to learn [Rated T, 12.3k]

The subject of Katelyn and Neil hasn't felt like dangerous territory in a long time, but Aaron feels the bomb countdown already coming to an end before Bee even opens her mouth.

"Well, the two of them are so alike," Bee goes on, oblivious to the tension leaking into the space. Her smile is pleasant, teasing. "It just goes to show how you and Andrew have similar tastes despite being so different."

The world freezes on its axis.

Andrew inhales a little too loudly the same time Aaron chokes on his spit. "W-What?"

trust is a slow process [Rated T, 7.3k]

If Katelyn had been stealthier, she could've escaped the crowded dance floor without Andrew seeing her.

But of course, she's no Neil.

Or: Katelyn and Andrew spend some unwanted quality time together, and Katelyn sees things for what they are.

someday there won’t be scowls [Rated T, 8.1k]

Neil finds that even with his mind's best efforts to hang onto the wounds of the past, his opinion of Aaron just isn't what it used to be. He can thank Andrew and Katelyn for a lot of it, but his own observations certainly help.

When he sees Aaron like this, the mix of worry and adoration on his face as he thinks of Katelyn, Neil can't help but feel too exposed himself.

It's a start.

I want this touch to be familiar [Rated E, 38.1k]

Deep down, Andrew knew he would always reach this crossroads, a time where the thought became too strong to ignore.

Going all the way with Neil. It's not something he can continue to avoid thinking about. When Andrew looks back to the days where he held Neil's hands down, when he never got off with him in the same room, he's forced to acknowledge how much he's allowed.

Not allowed. Welcomed. Wanted.

But that’s not all there is to it, and the desire to make a decision finally makes itself known.

if magic exists, you’re the closest thing [Rated T, 16.2k]

The concept of love is not one Andrew understands.

For a long time, it escaped him. It's always fuzzy, always distorted. He'd given up on it long ago, so why is he still chasing answers?

Whatever the reason, he's content to blame Jean Moreau for a lot of things, Katelyn too.

It's their fault he's here, at the happiest place on earth.

this red is for you [Rated T, 10.8k]

Katelyn never considered herself capable of doling out violence.

It has always been a far away thought, dampened by college courses and late night dates with her boyfriend. She lives a stereotypical life, despite everything she's been through with Aaron. Aside from her growing connection with the notoriously troublesome Foxes, nothing much about her life has changed.

Even then, she's learning she's still able to surprise herself. When Katelyn witnesses Neil defending Andrew, her own protective rage rears its head, ready to be explored.

And maybe that's a good thing.

an unconventional crossing [Rated T, 8.1k]

Aaron likes to believe he and Andrew have a lot more practice navigating their conversations now. And he’s right, mostly. But sometimes, challenges arise at the strangest times, and especially when their significant others are concerned.

In which Andrew and Aaron run into each other at the grocery store, and choose not to part ways.

the roads I traveled with you [Rated T, 35.5k]

When his brother gets engaged, Aaron doesn't expect it to send his head spinning as much as it does. Marriage has always felt like a dream, or a nightmare, one he never thought either of them would be able to achieve.

In that moment, Aaron remembers what he's always known, what keeps his head above water. He wants to be with Katelyn forever. That's never been a question. But marriage hadn't been brought up. For so long it was this abstract concept, a fantasy. He'd always reasoned with himself that it would happen, rationally of course it would, but now...

Now Andrew has made the idea a reality, and Aaron has to confront his own wants for his future.

one shots/multichapters

I’ve had a love of my own [Rated T, ongoing]

Despite everything Neil could’ve imagined for his life, he never thought he’d be here, finally giving the world the interview they’ve always wanted.

It’s been decades, but even with his numerous accolades and sports wins, he finds that they’re the least important thing about his life.

Neil can’t help but laugh. Andrew would be so annoyed if he were here.

Of course, Neil only wants to talk about him, and the life they spent together.

slurred [Rated M, 1.6k]

They're not the type of people to give up control, but with each other they're willing to bend the rules.

growing pains [Rated T, 10.6k]

Stuart knows it’s perfectly normal for teenagers to have crushes. That’s why he’s not surprised in the slightest when Neil starts acting strange; lighter, happier. However, what he doesn’t expect is for the crush to leak into his everyday life—or literally take up residence in his house. Or: five times Stuart knew Neil was hiding a nighttime guest, and one time he actually met him.

your hands are mine to hold [Rated E, 6.7k]

It has taken a long time for Thea to accept a lot of aspects of their past. Her eyes track the fear in Kevin's eyes, emboldened by how his own resolve wears it away year by year. She'll never take that sight for granted.

It's hard to ignore the weights on both of them, with their lives so eaten up by the Exy world and memories of the Nest, but one thing has always remained consistent.

Thea trusts Kevin Day with her everything, and she'll never hesitate to follow him into battle.

better than a night light [Rated T, 7.3k]

Neil hasn’t had the chance to examine the feeling of fear in a long time. He’s all too familiar with it though; from the nightmares, to the memories of a cold basement floor, he knows the feeling like the back of his hand.

But this fear is new, loaded with ridiculousness and a complete lack of reason. It’s nothing more than pixels on a screen, far away theories that can’t hurt him like his past can.

Maybe that’s why he’s beginning to not mind it as much. It doesn’t hurt that Andrew is also there to hold him through it.

Playtime [Rated E, 6.7k]

There was a time when Andrew might've questioned being so into this.

Not anymore.

take what you want [Rated E, 5.4k]

Laila has come a long way from her freshman year, past all the worries and pressure to behave a certain way. She never thought she’d realize it here, lounging poolside with her girlfriend.

The urge to seduce Alvarez is just too good to let go.

a product of absence [Rated T, 7.8k]

It’s funny, Andrew thinks, that this would be seen as a curse in any other situation. Two people, thrown apart by time and circumstances, desperately searching for one another.

But Andrew has never doubted Neil’s return. He’s not running, he’s not worried. It’s perhaps the only waiting game that’s been worth it, that he understands, because this bond with Neil has only ever made sense to him.

In another life, Neil made this much clear: they would always find each other in the end.

here I am, there you go again [Rated T, 17.5k]

There's many things about the past Neil chooses to leave behind, and most of the time it's for the best. For some reason though, his brain can't help but cling to the last memories of him.

"My Ex." Neil bites his tongue at the word, because it never feels right. At this point, so many years later, that man is no one. A stranger. He shouldn't presume to know him anymore than his ex should presume to know Neil.

If he remembers Neil at all.

But Neil should know better than anyone that the past always has a way of catching up to him, and this time, he's not as willing to run as he might've initially thought.

losing battle [Rated M, 3.4k]

It's always been Nicky's dream to be closer with his cousins. However, when he opens Andrew's mail to find more than he bargained for, he finds himself regretting the wish. Unfortunately, no matter how much Andrew's warmed up to him in the last few years, Nicky's pretty sure he'll die (literally) if Andrew finds out.

Nicky's mission begins.

temper, temper [Rated T, 3.7k]

"You paid for the deluxe package," Neil says as he scrolls through his payment history to find his client's invoice. His system is simple:

Basic Package: Fuck you. A general statement of displeasure and a brief description of the wrongdoing.

Intermediate Package: Fuck you, with passion. Everything in the basic package, but with additional insults. Customizable for an extra fee.

Deluxe Package: Fuck you to hell. Everything from the first two packages, for an extended period of time, and with extra viciousness.

And it looks like Andrew Minyard is the unlucky soul today.

a new contract [Rated T, 7.2k]

Neil’s request is simple on its face, but infinitely complicated given his history.

“Convince your team to sign me.”

And this was Andrew’s deal: If Neil can prove that he’s serious, that he can build a new life for himself so that he doesn’t end up crawling back to Riko, Andrew will convince his coach to recommend him for recruitment in the fall.

Yes, it was meant to be black and white…

But Andrew should’ve known better. Nothing ever is.

What a Rush [Rated E, 1.6k]

It's always Andrew's goal to stretch Neil's pleasure to its limits, and he's barely begun to scratch the surface.

locked together [Rated E, 8.3k]

Andrew licks his lips and tugs on the tail of the beast inside him, righting it so it can point him in the direction of what he's searching for. Neil looks good on top of him, panting and giddy, and it's rare that Andrew doesn't want to flip them over and make Neil fall apart.

But...every once in a while...

Well, he's relaxed today. He wants to listen, he wants orders, he wants to be controlled so long as the control comes from Neil.

do you like scary movies? [Rated T, 22.5k]

To say Andrew has never seen the benefit in the make-believe would be a lie. However, he finds less and less use for it as he grows older. He especially fails to see the benefits of anything from the horror genre; he’s made plenty of his own mistakes, has seen more than enough to terrify him in his life. He doesn’t need to rely on jump scares and idiotic protagonists.

But when he meets Neil, self-proclaimed horror archivist, he finds that maybe he never gave the genre the credit it was due, and he ends up thanking the dull movies eventually…

They lead him to Neil, the realest thing he’s ever known.

[codename-adler]

Kevin and his Oblivious Literature Lover, pt.II

So hum, here is the second part of my Kevin x OC bullet fic (part I here) whether you asked for it or not... because I love Kevin and I want him to be loved because I love him and- you get it, right? 

>> Table of Contents, TW and other parts here!

a week later, on his Monday afternoon Early American Literature class, Kevin hesitates to switch places so he can be closer to the girl he definitely forgot, but goes against it as change comes hardly to him

he’s not eager to listen to her presentation, he’s not, but he is kind of curious to see which topic she chose

also to know her name

oh, absolute disappointment! she won’t present today!

he strains his ears for any word from her, but nothing, not a laugh, not a whisper, not a sigh

as class ends, Kevin turns around to steal a glance at her

she is bent over, putting away her notebooks in her small backpack and he can only see her lush hair hanging everywhere upon her face and back

the thing is, exy. more specifically, exy practice. rignt now. he had to go. exy was the priority. the goal. the everything. exy came first. always.

so he goes and as he reaches the door, he turns and catches a glimpse of her cheek covered by a loose curl. it’s enough to get him going until next week. enough to make his feet walk towards the foxhole court.

this week, though, Kevin finds himself more silent, more removed from the team when they’re not playing. he watches. he observes. he takes mental notes. how does one normally acquire a friend?

just thinking it, Kevin wants to slap himself so hard and get drunk.

so he does. get drunk, I mean. he doesn’t even wait to go to Eden’s, he just grabs leftover Jack Daniel’s and Grey Goose, with 4 bottles of Bud Light that Matt forgot after New Year’s Eve

he goes to his room while the dorm is empty, puts on a Trojan match and chugs everything by the time Andrew, Neil, Nicky and Aaron are back from wherever they were

nobody checks on him

until it’s 2 AM

Aaron takes a break from studying and realizes he hasn’t seen Kevin since the night before

so he goes to check into his room and Kevin is just... black-out drunk. comatose.  in limbo.

once again, Aaron shoves his panic down and goes to check Kevin’s pulse

it’s there

as he sighs in exasperation, Aaron pushes away all the empty bottles in a corner, tucks Kevin in and brings back a big glass of water (no aspirin, the shithead’s gonna have to work for that sweet release of his 100% deserved hangover)

Aaron won’t speak of it, but once again the weight in his stomach grows heavier as Kevin sinks further into alcoholism

by the time next Monday rolls around, Kevin almost forgot the girl, or at least psyched himself into believing she’s just a kind face his lack-of-motherly-affection chose to attatch itself too (Betsy would be proud of his own psychoanalysis, really)

(wrong)

it’s her turn to present. she’s supposed to go first. 

his mind can only go whatsyournamewhatsyournamewhatsyourname

he doesn’t register yet that the class keeps on chattering while she waits to start her presentation; the teacher is lost in their papers and nobody cares if the class actually begins or not; it’s the end of midterms and everybody kind of lets loose

Kevin, not one to raise his hand e v e r, does not even think twice before shouting

“SOMEBODY’S TRYING TO PRESENT, SO IF YOU COULD ALL SHUT UP, THAT’D BE GREAT.”

even the teacher stops shuffling at his desk, their cheels flushed red in shame, and turns his attention to the poor girl at the front of their classroom

she flushes, too, and mumbles a “thanks” that would’ve been lost to Kevin had he not been seated in his usual spot, at the very front of the class

Kevin simply nods to her, as if his heart wasn’t trying to jump out of his chest and out of the window

and so the girl begins her presentation.

on Elizabeth Schuyler.

no, it wasn’t planned. they’d both been ready a week before the presentations were to begin. it just... happened?

while Kevin drinks in her every words, a little question starts to form in the back of his mind: why would she still choose to talk about Schuyler and Hamilton’s relationship when he absolutely owned everybody with Laurens and Hamilton? did she not know who he was? did she not know he was always top of his classes and his game? how ruthless he was? how did she not know?

the class is already bored out of their mind, so when question time comes up, of course nobody cares to raise their hand

one one hand, Kevin wants to return the favor she did him when he was presenting; on the other, though, he just really wants to correct her about Schuyler and Hamilton...

so Kevin practices his question in his head thrice, to make sure it’s as inoffensive as it can be, before RAISING HIS HAND as the girl was ready to hide back in her corner

“Do you not think Hamilton’s love for Schuyler was a means to an end, seeing as he wrote much more passionate letters to Laurens? And what about his affairs? Do you not think it was fake?”, he politely asks (he still feels like an asshole, and probably sounds like one, but he’s trying his best ok?)

he awaits her response like he awaits a Trojans victory

“Well... I guess I’d have two answers to that. One would be that Alexander did, in fact, use love as a manipulative device, and therefore never knew what love was and never truly loved anyone, whether it be Eliza, John or even Angelica or Maria Reynolds. My second answer, the one I lean towards the most, is that Alexander loved John first, and then came Eliza, and he loved her too. And so Alexander was as infatuated with him as he was with her. He loved them both, equally, at the same time. That’s what I choose to believe in.”

Kevin is absolutely dumbfounded.

he just got owned in the most graceful way and he’s not even mad about it

and the girl looks so, so proud of herself, not just because she got through her presentation and she was able to answer, but that her answer satisfied him, too. she looks like an angel.

while the students dully clapped and she got off the small stage, kevin heard what he didn’t know he’d been waiting for these past weeks;

“Thank you very much, Miss Juliet”, the teacher congratulated the girl

oh, Juliet

[foxsoulcourt]

Chapters: 9/9 Fandom: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Kevin Day/Aaron Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Aaron Minyard & Andrew Minyard, Nicky Hemmick & Aaron Minyard & Andrew Minyard Characters: Aaron Minyard, Andrew Minyard, Kevin Day, Neil Josten, Nicky Hemmick Additional Tags: Slow Burn, But its induced by porn, Theres just as much kevaaron as andriel because i cant choose, But mostly wholesome twinyards, Switchyard Series: Part 2 of the one with all the ships Summary:

“I don’t want you to disappear,” Aaron says, throwing Kevin’s shirts at him. He walks across the guestroom and closes the door. “I don’t want you to go anywhere,” he says, leaning against the door like he's enough of a physical barrier to contain Kevin.

Kevin smirks down at him, “really, was that whole tantrum necessary? I said it’s your choice” Kevin walks up to him. but stops a step in front of him, offering his Fox shirt. Aaron takes it greedily, slipping it over his head. The neckline is too large, and it exposes his collar bones. The sleeves nearly reach his elbows and length reaches the top of his thighs. He feels small, in a safe way – not an insignificant way. Kevins’ expression suggests that the sight of Aaron in his clothes (let alone exy related clothes) is affecting him more than it is Aaron.

“I’m asking,” Aaron says confidently

“what?” Kevin asks quizzically

“you promised Andrew you wouldn’t touch me again unless I asked” Kevin makes eye contact with him at that, his pupils dilating, “I’m asking”

Bookmarker's Notes:

I  L O V E this work. SO MUCH! First: The author does an excellent job showing how Aaron + Kevin could end up together. Second: We get to see Aaron + Andrew after enough therapy to be able to have their own, very real + often fun conversations. Third: Given the complexity of these overlapping relationships (friends, brothers, significant others, boyfriends), a lot could be glossed over, but it wasn't! We watch Andrew + Kevin, each in their own respective ways, figure out what it means that Aaron + Kevin are together. Finally, the story is never rushed. These two get to take some time to discern their feelings + the implications therein.

AND HELLO?!!! This is the author’s FIRST FIC! If you're a Kevin + Aaron fan I hope you will show them some love - both for the story (!!!) + their bravery to take on such a big first work.