#thanks for coming to my vent

[talkingontheinternet]

No one asked me but momoko is the best million live character. she's funny as fuck that's all u need as an idol. I understand why (normal) ppl like iori too I did watch the anime lol.

[gazumirei]

the pressure fandom right now

[fibrespace]

My grandma's kenmore sewing machine from 1971 performs better than my new babylock in every way but at least the babylock has... *checks notes* a drop-in bobbin that jams up half of the time and an automatic thread cutter that works properly only when the winds are blowing eastward 🙄

[goldtealeaves]

how lonely do you think he was

(alt ver below (oj in the window))

[mel-loly]

-I'm back, my dear people! Did you miss me? :]

(I hope so, because it took a while for me to find time to come back- also.. sorry for the bad art😃👍)

[kingofstag]

things get better. my best friend in the world got top surgery after us talking about it for years. i'm getting mine next year. i have genuine friends now who teach me everyday what love looks like. love looks like going to an arcade and talking for hours at the bar instead. love looks like planning road trips to our hometowns. love looks like choosing our regalia colors together. love looks like learning our language. love looks like compression binders. love looks like top surgery scars. love looks like sweet grass tattoos.

things get better.

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

[jaybleu25]

mfw i suddenly get like 51 notifications from people liking my recent posts

like, hello??? hi guys qwq

[why-do-you-need-2-know]

No joke I fucking hate season 2 Debra to the point that I wanna skip her scenes cause tell me why she was so mad at Dexter for leaving Rita (I was too tbh) but when she leaves her perfect and perfectly AGE APPROPRIATE love interest for here old man boss she expects everyone to be so fine with it AND when he thinks ahead about the future SHE GET MAD. LIKE I TRY TO ROOT FOR THE BOSS GIRLIES BUT HER DADDY ISSUE MAKING IT EVERYONE ISSUE ASS MAKES IT SO HARD. I WAS SO HAPPY FOR HER TO HAVE A HEALTHY FATHER FIGURE BUT NOOO SHE JUST HAD TO FALL IN LOVE. Sorry just wanted to vent 😊

[theicarusconstellation]

i should not let random people on the internet dictate how i feel about my writing i should not let random people on the internet dictate how i feel about my writing i should not let random people on the internet dictate how i feel about my writing i should not let random people on the internet dictate how i feel about my writing i should not let random people on the internet dictate how i feel about my writing

[takemetodragonstone]

I think the worst thing about having very vague/spotty memories because I was so young when it happened is feeling like I can’t ever fully accept that it DID happen. I will always second guess myself—even though the evidence is always with me (the body keeps the score, as they say). I will probably never tell anyone who knows him about it because what if I’m wrong?? What if I’m making up these flashes of “memory”, and seeing “signs” in my present self where there are none just because I want an easy answer that would explain the way that I am???

It would be such a horrible thing to accuse someone of if it wasn’t true. Especially family. Even just thinking it feels cruel and unfair to him sometimes. And there’s no way for me to get the truth unless he were to confess it to me himself.

I fantasize about that sometimes—I like to picture him apologizing to me at some kind of reunion, scared out of his mind that I’ll tell someone about it and ruin his life. Or even unapologetic, making jokes about it. At least then I would have confirmation. At least then I would have validation for the last twenty years of my life.

Anyway if anyone else feels like this, you’re not alone.

[norcumii]

I read the Twilight books once – I think it was some time after the third one came out, and a very nice lady who shared a bus stop with me had nothing else to talk about except her new favorite books. She even gave me a copy, and I was willing to read ‘em. It was a nice gesture, and I was pretty deep into the realms of depression and such where anything that might be a distraction was welcome.

I honestly don’t recall much of the stalking and other classic bits people reference as horrible – I’m sure that’s a direct result of said depression. The thing I remember most is the part that enraged me, the one thing that often made me toss my kindle aside and pace about in utter frustration.

Y’see, at that time I had also JUST been learning how to drive stick. Something like within two years at most, I had gone from a what was only technically a driver to having to know how to drive a manual – with training, at least. (Though mainly in Pittsburgh. That was more the trial by fire.) And the thing you need to understand is that I do remember Stephanie Myer went into excessive detail about cars.

And apparently the sparkly vampires liked their fellow antiques old cars. Or fancy speedy bullshit, where manual gearing is considered classy, more precise and more high brow (I also used to have a friend who was really into cars who told me these things). Bella *checks notes to make sure that’s the right name* goes into MASSIVE detail about how her dad got her HER VERY OWN VEHICLE and it was suuuuuuch a let down because it was an old clunker of a truck.

Me? I was ecstatic. I was going to see a character learning to drive stick! Or at least a nod would have to be made towards “Good thing I learned to drive that tractor that one summer!” or some such excuse and that would make me feel awesome about how yes, this is a relatable element of Growing Up and Adulting!

N O T H I N G.

Not.

ONE.

Single.

Word.

I was baffled. Then I was furious. It wasn’t even that I felt cheated, it was that this was such a basic thing that nevermind sparkly vampires or werewolves, an utter lack of mentioning the challenges of driving stick for a new driver, even in the slightest passing, was utterly world breaking to me. No immersion for me, it was just GONE.

Oh, I read all of the first two books (though the second one was more because I had Theories about the weird maybe telepathy and shit that was really just depressive hallucinations or something bizarrely lame like that?). Or, more accurately, I speed-read through those bastards, desperate to get to the next part where cars were described in excessive detail BUT THE ACTUAL EXPERIENCE OF DRIVING STICK – OR NOT, SINCE SHE’D BE USED TO A MANUAL DUE TO HER SUPPOSED SHITTY PICKUP – WAS NEVER EVER ONCE MENTIONED.

I didn’t bother reading the third book, because it was clear by then that it just wasn’t gonna happen.

Anyway. Give this somewhat irrational obsession pet peeve of mine, I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me that I just ragequit a book where a bunch of superheroes were on a runaway train without sufficient e-brakes only ELECTRONICALLY CONTROLLED from a mere three points across a WHOLE DAMN COMMUTER TRAIN which is your most significant form of travel in the Near Future.

I DON’T CARE HOW FAR IN THE POST-APOCALYPTIC FUTURE YOU ARE, THERE’S STILL GONNA BE SOME KIND OF NTSB EQUIVALENT ESPECIALLY IF YOU STILL HAVE ENOUGH OF A MURICA TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR FOR GODS’ SAKE AND THEY’RE STILL GONNA HAVE REGULATIONS SO THIS SORT OF SHIT DON’T HAPPEN! That’s not how vehicles should fail! Yes I checked wikipedia to make sure this wasn’t somehow a horrific failure in current design I didn’t want to imagine! And for crying out loud, I understand that the characters are teenagers and panicking, but teenagers are vicious (affectionate), and if your friend has an adaptive mutation that evolves depending on the danger of a situation then you learn to step up and shove your friend off the speeding train.

[stardestroyer81]

Can I offer you a nice transfem sheep in this tryin' time? 💙🏳️‍⚧️✨

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

[sirensea14]

Oh, how much i want to really hug him right now

His scent would be comforting for me.

No matter how many times i cry, hell is always here. When will it end?

Wips are delayed for days. School is terribly rushing us, especially with numerous group activites. And im stressing out cuz its either my parents would or wouldnt allow me to go to a classmate's house for the purpose of practice and mv shooting.

Im sorry I'll be delaying a bit, tho i will try to post or do any of my wips as much as i can.

Current wips:

Smiling critters bigger bodies logo

Smiling critters' bags

Full body of BBI KC

And an ask for KC

Ive been pretty sure that i wont be happy to my bday this year and it seems i was correct, or possibly not too cuz its still not the day yet. Still, i wont be able to enjoy the food much due to our fucking school, school and school. I hate this hell and the government's pretty much rushing us all students as well as the teachers.

[aobabes]

The fact that Sly literally only ever fronted whenever Aoba was being assaulted, abused, or nearly killed throughout DRAMAtical Murder yet to this day people still call him “the evil alter cliche” in terms of the general portrayal of DID in media really really bothers me.

He literally was split as a means to protect Aoba, which is exactly what Sly did. Did he go about it the wrong way? Yeah, I'd say destroying people's brains and giving people brain hemorrhages isn't necessarily the best way to ensure the safety of your system, but that's literally what an aggressive protector is in a system: An alter usually split to deal with physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual abuse and/or assault, but due to their misguided idea of what protection should and shouldn't be, they retaliate against said danger and/or abuse aggressively. They mean no harm to their system nor the body and it's the same case for Aoba and Sly.

Aoba literally acknowledges that Sly was never evil and that he just had a misguided idea of protecting him from harm in Ren’s route. Stop it with the “Sly/Desire is evil and that's his only character trait” shtick because it's annoying. He's just a smug little gremlin alter who likes to mess with people's heads, and what about it?? He's far from “evil” he's just a tiny bastard man who just so happens to have mind manipulation powers.