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bobluvbot · 7 months ago

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late night cravings

pairing: sirius black x afab!reader summary: you sneak off the night for a cheeky midnight snack, hoping sirius won’t notice (spoiler alert: he does, and he’s sulky about it) wc: 4k cw: pregnancy & baby talk, descriptions of food and eating, brief allusions to sex (not directly stated), no physical traits of reader specified but sirius can hold things out of reader’s reach a/n: so i had a lengthy angst fic for sirius’s debut on my blog and im halfway done on it but i cant seem to finish it bc it sends me to a depressing spiral each time <33333 so pls enjoy a very self-indulgent domestic excessively fluffy blurb with my beloved <33333 p.s this is not proofread so plz ignore mistakes ty <3

opening the tomato salsa jar turned out to be the hardest part.

back in bed, you thought the trickiest part of your late night escapade from sirius black was his long limbs wound up tight with yours, even in low light of the small nightlight in the corner, you could still make out the intricate script and designs following the curves and dips of his strong arms, holding you close to his chest.

you had it committed to memory by now, having explored sirius’s body well enough to memorize the way his skin feels against yours, with heartbeats and breaths falling in sync without much effort.

judging by the way his breathing gets heavy after every exhale and the little snores that escape in between, you knew he was beyond knackered. it was day five of sirius’s new job as an deputy director at the auror office. the day he learned about the promotion was pure unadulterated happiness. after letting you know through an express owl, you mustered up enough vigor available to your seven months pregnant self to get out of the house and go to the local shops to get party supplies and food to celebrate sirius’s achievement.

Coming in third out of the list of things he genuinely loved in this life, after you and his luscious locks of course, was his job as an auror. young sirius had never thought in his wildest dreams that he’d work at the ministry, much less actually enjoy it. can’t really blame sixteen year old sirius, starting an underground rock band with the marauders seemed like the perfect thing to do after gruelling hours of studying at hogwarts.

defense against the dark arts came to him naturally, with some counterspells like second nature to him as being exposed with use of dark magic young gave him no choice but to grow up quickly and defend himself from the excruciating pain or the mind control that was from his own family’s doing. Winning the first wizarding war alongside his friends and found family has solidified sirius’s calling in eradicating the use of dark magic and making sure the next generation can have a safe and normal life without the looming threat of a megalomaniac sorting people with their blood status and taking over the wizarding world.

that night, sirius walked into a dark and eerily quiet home that had his senses on overdrive. but when the lights turned on and he saw familiar faces of his loved ones all beaming with pride, and there you were in the center, looking ethereal and round and all his, with his favorite red velvet cake on hand and a ridiculously big balloon that says “congratulations” tied to the candle, he could have melted in a syrupy mess of gooey happiness right then and there if he hadn’t caught himself together last minute.

Sirius had thought– that after you agreeing to go on one date with him to hogsmeade, winning the quidditch cup and seeing the proud look on minerva’s face, going home for christmas break and euphemia welcoming him with a kiss on the cheek and a warm hug, remus teaching at the very same classroom you all were in years back, james and lily’s first kiss at the altar, holding little baby harry in his arms, you walking down the aisle with a bouquet of peonies in the most beautiful dress, and when you held his hand that one night and told him that you were expecting—- that he knew of love. but you do something extraordinary that has him scrambling to add to the endless list of why you’re the love of his life. he was so focused on you that he wasn’t prepared to catch pure muscle of james’s body as he flung himself to tackle his best friend in a hug. luckily, remus with a party hat was aptly standing between a toppling sirius and the living room wall, and he singlehandedly saved the two from creating a huge hole in the drywall.

this was the life, sirius had thought after many hours of partying celebrating and eating, when he laid beside you in bed, limbs tangled, sated and dizzy and warm as you both came down from your highs. and he gets to spend it with you.

but as fun and exciting sirius’s new job is, it entailed an increased amount of responsibility as he was assisting the head auror. his least favorite part of the job was the boatloads of paperwork he has to deal with. An express owl almost dropped a howler letter into the soup you were making for dinner earlier that day and you opened it up panicking thinking it was an emergency. But no, it was just sirius whining that his hand hurt and is about to fall off and that he needs you to kiss it better.

You did eventually, and one thing led to another and here you were, tucked in your husband’s warm embrace. you could stay here forever, only separating to drink water and bathroom trips, but the gnawing urge to eat something savory, sweet, tangy, and crunchy has possessed your entire being, the only way to quell it was to get up and go to the kitchen. the baby doesn’t seem to have a semblance of time yet, a fact you both envied and despised, because the clock on your nightstand said it was 3:48am in bold red numbers. A few months ago, you’d never be caught dead awake at this time, taking your precious sleep time seriously. The man himself would poke fun at you and say you’d gladly sleep through an earthquake or a housefire just as long as you get your seven to eight hours of sleep per day, and despite of your assumed role of contradicting and arguing with spontaneous and stubborn sirius, you had to agree.

But this was not about you anymore, or at least not quite yet for a good seventeen years, so you untangle yourself from sirius and your perfectly warm and cool side of the bed and waddle down the carpeted stairs, careful not to set foot on the creaky step that might risk waking sirius up. You need your secrets too, and you’re not in the mood to share food.

Grateful for the heavens that you and sirius stocked up on groceries two days ago, you had a wide selection of random items to munch on. A few days ago, you were introduced to the idea of a fluffernutter sandwich while scrolling through the short videos on your feed. Peanut butter and marshmallow fluff as spreads on their own was something you didn’t mind eating, but both together in a sandwich? You were enthralled, and the only way to quell the curiosity was to make it. So you did.

You shovel and slather more than enough spread on each slice of bread, though you might have used the same spoon on both jars.. but who’s to tell you off otherwise, your snoozing husband upstairs? pfft.

Smiling happily as if committing a particularly naughty crime, you place the spoon in your mouth, licking off the gooey mixture as you place the sandwich on a piece of paper towel (yes, you take the no dishwashing tonight seriously) on the table. humming, you mull over what to prepare next.

The baby needs something savory and tangy, but you’re not particularly keen on going through all the effort of heating up the soup from dinner, not to mention the amount of cutlery and dishes you’ll use for that, so you zero in on the tostada shells you chose rather than tortilla chips because its much more crispier.

Opening the fridge, you see the laughing cow on a round packaging and decide its the one, so you grab two cheese wedges from it.

Sirius had argued that the next aisle had actual, real blocks of cheese with a variety on display and that there was no point in getting artificially flavored ones. But you’ve gotten really good at giving him the stank face, which inadvertently ends 75 percent of nonsense bickering before it even starts; and since you’ve started showing more and more, sirius has admittedly gone softer on you, not that he was ever more but a pushover your entire relationship. Merely widening of eyes and a jut of your lower lip, even adding a slight tremble or two during times where you did actually fuck up, sirius can’t hold his stance longer than a minute before sighing and taking you in his arms. he might call you out for being a brat at times, but there’s no denying he loves it. And so the artificial wheel of cheese wedges got purchased and bagged home, and you’re meticulously spreading it over the golden shells, leaving little to no gaps of it bare.

Laying it on another paper towel, your heart gets giddy on your chest knowing you’re in for a treat tonight. But not quite time to start munching, the baby reminds you that you still need something tangy to complete the meal. So comes your big predicament, should you get dill pickles or tomato salsa?

It took you ten seconds too long of weighing down the pros-and-cons of choosing one and feeling like you made the wrong choice if you end up not liking it. It doesn’t help that the pregnancy hormones make you more anxious and tend to put you always on the verge of tears. So when the not-so-groundbreaking idea of just eating them both hits you, you feel the weight slide off your shoulders as you sigh. Because again, who’s gonna tell you that eating pickles this late at night can give you bad acid reflux, your snoozing husband? Pfft.

Snacking on some, you do manage to pick out the juiciest looking pickle chips and lay them atop of your tostadas. You and the little one are beyond excited to dive in. It’s looking like a mini upside-down pizza with the cheese spread first then the pickle as toppings. Only thing left now was the the tomato salsa slathered on top to seal the deal.

Opening tight lids wasn’t an issue for you before, in fact, you took pride when friends hand you a jar or bottle to open because you could do it in a breeze. Chances were, the lid wasn’t even screwed on that tight, you were just built different, you’d say with a shrug once you give the items back. So when the tomato jar doesn’t budge after two attempts, you get puzzled.

Maybe your hands were slippery? You wipe them down with a tea towel and try again. No.

You weren’t holding it tight enough? Fingers held taut against the lid, you try three times. Still no.

Determined, you try different positions before letting the jar go, shooting it glares as if it’d get intimidated and just open up for you. You were also getting lightheaded, and passing out on the kitchen floor due to excessive stimulation of your vagal reflex because you were too stubborn to use magic or wake your husband up to open it for you doesn’t seem like the best way to spend the early Tuesday morning hours.

Magic was even out of the option (well, in your brain it was), because your wand’s tucked beside sirius’s on your nightstand, and frankly, you don’t have the patience to drag yourself upstairs just to flick a utility spell to open the wretched thing. So you do the next best option: lose hope.

The disappointment was mutual between you and your baby. And the acid reflux did start to kick in, making your stomach grumble in both hunger and pain. This was all going so well until it isn’t, tears began to make its way up to your eyes.

“See, this is what you get for being greedy and eating all snacks by yourself,” sirius huffs behind you, deep voice still raspy with sleep. You didn’t even hear him getting out of bed and coming down the stairs, that’s how preoccupied you were with opening the jar.

He grabs the container away from you to open it, but not without throwing a scowl at your direction, handsome face contorted with furrowed eyebrows and downturned mouth, enough to express that he felt betrayed by this whole ordeal. If you were in a better mood, you’d poke his sides and tackle him playfully, teasing him for being sulky. But for now, you need the jar opened so you could eat in peace. You’ll deal with the sharing food issue later.

“t wasn’t supposed to take long,” you mumble, caught off guard and refusing to make eye contact, pretending the fridge magnets beside sirius’s head is ten times more interesting than his face. You don’t miss his raised eyebrow and snort at your response.

The second attempt comes and he opens it with a satisfying pop. your mouth falls agape, eyeing the *now accessible* tomato salsa dip in disbelief. What the hell?

And you couldn’t even take the smug grin spreading across sirius’s face by the millisecond. Refuse to. You try to snatch the open container away from him but he holds it higher and out of reach, making a show of puffing his chest, flexing his biceps, even giving it a kiss. This is all James’s doing, you need to have a talk with Lily soon about keeping these two separated.

“Sirius!” you try to plead your way out. the trademark innocent, pouty expression settles on your face like a second mask, hoping he’d go down this easy.

It doesn’t work. He just chuckles, mocking your pleas and face while his free hand sneaks up and pinches your unsuspecting cheek to tease you further.

You yelp in mock outrage and swat his hand away, trying your best to keep your displeasure firm on your face, but you feel the giggles coming up. “This is why I sneak out alone to eat, you’re such a bully,” you huff, but take a seat in front of your makeshift spread.

Sirius places the jar near you, but not without poking your exposed sides, armed with the knowledge that the easiest way to get you laughing (and eventually conceding in an argument) is knowing where your tickle zones are. “Oh yeah,” he drawls, plopping himself beside you. “That’s also why you’re the only one waking up with an upset stomach, stinking up our bathroom so early in the morning.”

Now this one got you appalled, embarrassed, disturbed, basically hit with all the feelings. You’ve been living together long before you got married, and he never brought up this issue until today. “That’s it. I’m leaving.” He makes a move to snatch the sandwich away but the embarrassment on your cheeks made you more agile, swatting his hand away and shielding the sandwich with your hands. “After I finish my meal,” you continue, shooting him a glare.

But see, one of the things that drove you nuts even way back at Hogwarts, was how Sirius Black mostly managed to outsmart you or be one step ahead of you in everything. After you turned him down without much thought whatsoever despite his grand declaration of interest, Sirius took it upon himself to show you (1) that you made a mistake for rejecting him, (2) that his ego won’t let you embarrass him like that again, (3) and that you won’t get rid of him that easily. Once he set his eyes on you, you were face to face with him in everything: grades, OWLs/NEWTs scores, Quidditch plays and bets, wins at the duelling club, even with the fucking gobstones tournament. He never let you catch a break.

Things were surely different now, since you vowed to be with him in sickness and health and untill death parts you both– hell, you’re carrying his child. So you figured maybe, maybe, he’ll let you catch a break this time. Let you eat in peace as you mull over his bathroom comment and how you’re going to get him back.

But again, no. Unlike you, Sirius remembered to grab his wand from the nightstand. Not even batting an eye, he says nonchalantly, “Accio sandwich.” And the fluffernutter you protected with all your physical might managed to escape your watch, and land gracefully on his waiting palm.

What irritated you more from this whole ordeal? The prodigal auror that climbed his way up the ranks and became the youngest deputy director, fully capable of complex spells and wielding different kinds of magic, felt the need to do a verbal Accio spell just to make a point to you.

Out of words, you just stare at him blankly. Too stunned to even cry in frustration because you knew you made a conscious, willing choice to be with this man.

Maybe your best guilt-tripping expression comes best when you’re not trying. Color drains from his face when you remained silent and he scrambles to take a bite off the sandwich before handing it back to you, or rather placing it on your limp hand as you refuse to acknowledge it, still too hurt to budge. “‘m sorry, baby. Just wanted to eat with you since we didn’t get to earlier.”

He did arrive later than usual, deciding to finish the stack of case files and paperwork so he won’t have to sift through them again the next day. There were plans to wait for him before eating, but when the jitteriness and slightly nausea started to kick in, you had no choice in the matter. Sirius had been sulky and clingy the moment he got home, and as compromise, you stayed to watch him eat; listening and reacting animatedly as he ranted about his stressful day.

So you cut him off some slack, also exhausted from all the emotional stimulation sirius brought since he woke up. As a silent peace offering (also because you’re not ready to say sorry to his face), you slide the tostadas within his reach and finally take your bite of the goddamn sandwich. It was good, tasted as expected, sweet peanut butter. You’d probably have it again as a drunk at 3am meal.

Sirius also went and got snacks of his own: microwaved popcorn, pickles, toasted bread slathered with butter, and grapes. Together, you munched on the little spread of random food you could find in your kitchen at 4am in comfortable silence, which is surprising after the earlier bickering. No matter how cheesy it sounded in your head, sirius was the only person that can drive you to the brink of insanity and right back. You were in for a hell of a ride for the foreseeable future; and while there’s a lot of uncertainty right now and changes to be made when the little one gets here, you’re beyond happy that you get to do all this with him.

Sleep was beginning to creep up on you. Of course he notices this right when you do, so a warm arm wrapped across your back urges you to settle on his lap, bodies melding into the familiar crevices like puzzle pieces, though you both had to adjust certain angles to accommodate your growing belly. You sit like this for a while; your head tucked securely in the crook of his neck, steady breaths lulling you to sleep, while sirius’s hands instinctively finds its way under your sleep shirt and on the natural curve of your belly, lithe fingers stroking and drawing soothing circles anywhere he could reach.

you wish you could stay like this forever– cozy and soft and safe– but alas, you were carrying sirius black’s offspring. the baby decides to reward you with a round of kicks, probably giddy after feeling their father’s touch. Sirius chuckles and coos at your bump, while a muffled groan leaves your lips from the sudden onslaught of movement, but still refusing to move from this comfortable position.

Smooth cold lips touch the side of your forehead and you relish in the feeling. “Does it ever hurt, love? All that kicking and wiggling?”

“Not really,” a content sigh leaves your lips. “Feels strange at times, seeing your belly move on its own.”

To prove your point, two tiny bulges make a split second appearance just above where Sirius’s hand lay. His thumb soothes the area lovingly.

“Definitely getting stronger though; Lily told me during the later months, harry for some reason loved to kick downwards, making bathroom trips more frequent than it already is. Not excited for that.”

He presses kisses on your forehead, temple, hairline, anywhere he could reach without moving too much. “Things that you do and endure for this ‘lil troublemaker,” sirius murmurs. He doesn’t need to say it out loud, you could feel his body reverberating with awe and fondness. You try to bask in it for as long as you could, but a passing thought makes its presence known to you again.

“Do i really make the bathroom stink?” it comes out whinier than you intended it to be but you just had to know for peace of mind.

Sirius’s whole frame vibrates as he tries to stifle his laughter, taking you with him. He’s laughing at your expense but you feel your own giggles brewing in your belly. You try to hold it in for longer, preserving some self respect. “A little bit,” he says solemnly. You groan, earlier mortified feeling returning in full swing. It triggers another round of chuckles.

“But dove, it’s nothing that my deep love and adoration for my lovely strong hot and sexy wife can’t handle.” He says assuredly, and you curse yourself for being so down bad for this man as blood rushes to your cheeks from his words. Good thing it’s dim and your face is still tucked in the crook of his neck.

You do pinch his arm in response, and both your laughters compliment the comfortable silence.

“Although,” he says after a while. “The betrayal of you eating without me still hurts.”

“Siri.. i’m sorry,” you mumble. “‘y looked so tired, Didn’t wanna wake you up.”

He tuts and doesn’t say much after that. In sirius dictionary, this means he just wants some affection from you— for you to dote on him and coax out his forgiveness, even if you both know he’s not really mad; judging by his arms still wrapped securely around your frame and steady breaths that tickle and fan on your bare skin.

So you mimic his actions from earlier, planting tiny kisses on his neck, collarbones, jawline, anywhere your lips could reach. Kissing his cheek seem to do the trick, his fake scowl quickly coming undone as a bashful smile breaks through the frown, and his tiny dimple you love so much making an appearance. The muggle maternity books did say dimples are genetic, so an image of a little Sirius running around and smiling up at you with those dimpled cheeks is a warming thought.

“I am charming all the lids to be stuck at night as soon as i wake up tomorrow for work.” You poke a sensitive spot on his side, making him jolt, but you couldn’t resist laughter as it bubbles out of the surface. “You’re insufferable, I can’t believe I married a psychopath.”

“And you let him knock you up too. I’d say it takes one to know one, hm?”

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prentissluvr · 4 months ago

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my boy only breaks his favorite toys — sam winchester

pairing : sam winchester x gn!reader ➖⟢ genre : angst ➖⟢ cw : canon typical violence, injuries, knives, non-sexual partial nudity, guilty sam, rejection, talk of death/dying, sort of a case fic at first, mentions of stitches, lots of feelings, poorly edited & my first(?) attempt at a full angst fic lol (no happy ending!), set in season 5, so some spoilers! ➖⟢ wc : 10.6K ➖⟢ listen to : my boy only breaks his favorite toys by taylor swift. requested ! summary : you get injured and sam realizes he's more scared of getting you hurt than he is of anything else, even losing you and your love.

MOVED BLOGS TO @sammyluvr !! no longer active on this blog! all fics can be found there!

to be in love is the strangest experience. to be in love for a long time, for years on end with little to no reciprocation is even stranger.

somehow, you can watch him fall in love with someone else, kiss somebody new, romance another girl, and be blindsided by a fourth. jess you could never be mad at. she seemed too sweet and good for sam, for you to dislike. madison never did anything wrong either, but you did hate how much she unintentionally hurt him. sarah, too, was sweet and brave and helpful and she made him smile. that, of course, didn’t stop you from wanting to be that person instead, but you didn’t feel like you could complain.

ruby, you still feel rightfully angry with sometimes. for sam’s sake, you wanted her help to be real and true, but it felt clear to you from the beginning that not everything was right. now you’re dealing with the apocalypse and sam’s guilt that you alternate between wanting him to let go of and wanting him to feel it just a little bit longer.

besides, jess and madison are dead, so it’s unkind to be too jealous of them, and you’re sure that sam hasn’t spoken to sarah in years. and ruby’s dead too, so she doesn’t pose a threat any longer.

it’s all been so strange, because you’ve seen sam go through it all, kiss them all, love them all in some way or another, and you’re pretty sure all it’s done is make you love him more. at this point, you’re sure that you’ll never love anyone the way that you love sam. unceasingly, ardently, passionately, and for now, quietly.

but after the knowledge of the looming apocalypse has come the strangest part of it all. having loved sam since he was seventeen and secretly doing everything in his power to get away from this all, you know him and each of his mircroexpressions and tones of voice all too well. and these days, sam looks at you in ways that you’ve never noticed before. these days, sam looks at you like he’s trying to figure out if he’s in love with you.

it’s not as if you’d given up hope completely, because no one who’s as in love as you are ever will, but you’ve learned how to live with unrequited love. the pain can be stabbing and all-consuming sometimes, but it’s survivable so long as he doesn’t stop smiling at you or letting you rest in his lap or being the only one to call you a special nickname. even if you’re not the love of his life like he is yours, you’ll always mean something to him as his closest friend.

so now, it catches you off guard when sam looks at you as if he’s considering the possibility that you’re the one who hung the stars up in the sky or talks to you with this gentle joy that’s just somehow different from before. those moments are rare, but incredible to have when you consider the looming apocalypse that sam is blaming himself for. he’s battling the fact that he’s supposed to be the vessel to the devil himself, but he still finds the time to hold your pinky finger for a fleeting moment and not say a word about it. and now, sam does that thing where you say something and it makes him smile, and instead of casually holding your gaze like he used you, his gaze will falter and he’ll tilt his chin down and lick his lips as if he’s suddenly shy around you.

last night, dean was out and you and sam were researching for the case you’re working on. you ended up sitting side by side on your shared bed, trying to get comfy as the hours dragged on and the moon moved higher through the sky. completely unprompted, sam had lifted his arm up and around your shoulders, using his gentle hand to cup the side of your head and bring it to rest on his wide shoulder.

your heart soared and you did your best to keep researching, but the lull of his breathing and the clacking of the keyboard as he typed one handed sang you to sleep right then and there, tucked all cozy into his side.

you waking up in his arms certainly set the tone for today. this case is ugly and there was another victim last night, but sam has this sweet, touchy air about him. as you walk to the crime scene his hand lingers unprofessionally close to the small of your back, and from the tightness to his lips, you’re guessing that he’s holding back from saying something he knows will make you laugh.

you resist the urge to give him a secret smile, soft and loving because you’re selfish enough to try and get him to see that you want him like this. you want him to see that you already love him back, and all he has to do is let himself fall. but you don’t want to overwhelm him, so you go about assessing the crime scene and interviewing the witness like he’s your fbi partner and not the person you love most in this world.

the witness’s statement along with the security camera footage that dean saw at the police station confirms that you’re up against a shapeshifter. much like the first one the three of you hunted together in ‘05 it seems to be disguising itself as a loved one before killing its victims.

“this thing can shapeshift to look like literally anybody, but it can’t come up with something original?” dean jokes.

sam shrugs in his usual sam way. “well, it is an effective method,” sam reasons, despite knowing that dean’s just making fun. sam’s not even looking at dean; his eyes alternate from checking his computer screen where he scouts out city plumbing maps to find the best places in the sewer to look for the shifter, to letting his eyes roam over your features. you wonder if you’ll have to get used to sam staring at you as much as you do him. though, you can’t say that that’s a bad thing by any stretch. maybe he’ll finally notice the way that you look at him and maybe he’ll finally realize that it might be you who he’s been loving this whole time.

sam stands from his spot across from you, grabbing a map of the city from the bedside table. instead of returning to his original spot, he slots himself right next to you to lay the map out on the table. he runs a hand along the length of it, crossing your chest and brushing your nose with the fabric of his flannel before moving his hand back to rest right beside yours on the table top. he leans over the map and you tilt youu head to look up at him as he points out the most likely spots that the shifter could be hiding out at. you only pay half attention as he speaks, more able to take in the sight of his lips moving than the actual words that they’re forming. you’re not uncareful, you just know that sam will make sure you and dean remember the most important things when you get in the car.

—

“are you sure splitting up is a good idea?” sam stresses from the passenger seat of the impala.

“we know how to test for the shifter and we all can take care of ourselves,” dean says, repeating just about the same thing that he said before.

you lean forward in your seat. “we’ll be fine, sam. i agree, it’s not ideal, but there’s a lot of ground to cover and we can’t let the shifter get to anyone else,” you reason.

“i know,” he huffs, still unconvinced due to the possible dangers. but, there’s always danger, and if you’re siding with dean, he knows he doesn’t stand much of a chance of winning the argument anyway.

—

the sewers are dark, damp, and smell like shit. they grow even darker as the sun begins to set above ground and you’re grateful for the bright flashlight that you have on hand. you’ve been tramping through the dark and sewer waste for over an hour and heard nothing helpful from the boys.

you keep your silver knife at the ready, in case you run into anything or anyone. you all agreed that if you see each other, the very first order of business is to test yourself with your own knife to be sure. when you hear footsteps, you immediately press yourself against the wall, doing your best to stay hidden until you can see what’s heading your way. the second you see a person’s frame, you immediately recognize it as sam. he told you that you’d probably run into each other at some point, so you relax a touch. even so, you keep your knife in front of you as you step into the pathway.

“sam?” you call out, stopping a good length away from him.

“hey. yeah, it’s me,” he says, holding out his hand and knife to show you as he slices a thin line across his forearm. you sigh in relief, then quickly repeat the action to confirm to him that you’re you as well.

“you heard from dean?” you ask, closing the space between the two of you. sam meets you halfway, shaking his head.

“nothing,” he sighs, turning back where he came from.

“damn. an hour in the sewers and we’ve got jack,” you frown. “exactly how i like to spend my friday nights.”

“course it is, it’s the perfect date spot,” he jokes back, leading you left, down a new path you assume he skipped on his way over to you.

“mmm, does that mean we’re on a date, winchester?” you flirt. he takes the quip with composure as you step back into a main hallway, wide enough to walk side by side. he waits for you to be next to him before he continues. he didn’t even laugh a little awkwardly at your comment like he normally might. he must be in a flirty mood.

“if that’s what you want,” he flirts back, flashing you his gorgeous grin. the passage is still sort of tight, so his knuckles continually brush against the back of your hand, and the fabric of his jacket rustles against yours.

“being a flirt today, are we?” you tease, maybe pushing the limits a little.

“just for you,” he fires back, and that just about stuns you into silence. he’s in an awfully good mood for someone stuck hunting a killer in the sewers under an unfamiliar city. you nudge him playfully with your elbow, not even sure how to respond with words. so with that, you fall into a comfortable, familiar silence, the only sounds being the echo of your sloshing footsteps through the sewer.

out of boredom, sam teases you with his pinky finger, sticking it out and poking your hand with it. you push back gently, playing along. he escalates the game by poking your side. you giggle a little, swatting at his big hand.

“stop that!” you whisper-shout. “what if the shapeshifter comes along and we’re too distracted because you’re tickling me?” his proximity, his flirting, and his goddamn smile are already distracting enough.

“i wasn’t tickling you, just poking,” he teases, but doesn’t do it again since you’re right enough.

“yeah, you said that last week after you did that. it tickles, which means you’re tickling me,” you retort before letting the silence fall over you again.

you head down a narrow path, forcing sam to walk behind you. even then, you can feel his closeness. a minute later, you step out into a wider area where a grate lets in a stream of moonlight. sam comes out after you, stopping by your side. the moonlight casts a glow on his face and, like you always do, you can’t help but think about how pretty he looks, even after a long hour and counting of traipsing around in a sewer. continually, even in the more open space, he stays right by your side, close enough for your elbows to brush.

“think we should call dean?” he suggests, “regroup, maybe call it a night?”

you tilt your head to the side in acknowledgment. “tempting,” you respond, “i’m getting hungry. let’s at least call him, then go from there.” you step further into the space in fron of you, trying to escape the chilly draft coming from the narrow pathway you came in from. but the floor in here is slicker than you realize, and you slip embarrassingly hard, completely losing your footing and letting out a short gasp as you fall.

sam’s instincts are impeccable as always, and a strong arm wraps around your waist before you can fall too far. once you’re steady, sam doesn’t move to pull you all the way up and onto your own feet. he just keeps you dependant on his hold to stay off the slippery floor and brings his other hand to meet the one wrapped around your side. he looks down at you, half of his face illuminated by moonlight, the other half fallen into shadow. you stare right back up at him, flustered but too happy for any sort of such purposeful physical contact with him to care about that.

it feels like a movie with you in his arms like this, willingly stuck there by the both of you. then he leans down closer to you and your eyes widen. in the partial darkness, he looks at you like he’s no longer just wondering if he loves you, more like he knows it for sure. he looks at you with such unabashed love, so overwhelming in a way that you hadn’t expected from him for a long while, if ever. you think that for sure he’s going to kiss you, and you know even better that you’d let him without a second thought.

this certainly isn’t how you imagined it’d be at all. not this soon and not in the middle of a sewer system, surrounded by awful smells and an unpleasant humidity. you suppose that the moonlight filtering down is nice enough, and that you’d never expected anything grandiose or overly romantic with him anyway.

then you hear footsteps, and a split second later, your name being called in sam’s voice. only it wasn’t the sam holding you who said it, it was someone behind you. it only takes a millisecond for everything to click. this sam, the one holding you close, cut himself with a knife you recognized. that’s why you didn’t bat an eye, but you failed to remember that that particular knife of sam’s isn’t made of silver, just a weaker and ineffective metal alloy.

before you can process it, that exact knife is being plunged into your gut. you let out a strangled cry of pain.

sam, the real sam, shouts your name again and you think you hear his running footsteps until he stops dead in his tracks when the shifter yanks the knife from your stomach and puts it to your throat. you cry out again, choking a little on your own breath as you stretch your neck, trying to see your sam.

but the shifter presses the knife down, drawing a line of blood on your neck and growls, “look at me. you’re going to watch your precious little sammy as he slices your throat.”

you can imagine sam putting his hands in the air, mouth open and ready to talk the shifter out of it when you hear two loud gunshots, and you’re dropped to the floor, too shaken up to break your own fall. your head hits the ground hard, and the next thing you can register is sam again. you get his voice and his hands, one sliding under your neck to cup the back of your head and the other pressing hard against your wound. he winces when you grunt in pain at that, but keeps his hand in place.

“hey, hey. stay with me. look at me, c’mon.” his words are followed by your name, said in a sweet and desperate sort of way. you’re still dazed, but your head begins to clear up a bit. above you, sam’s face is pinched in worry, so much more worry than you’d expect him to express because of something as easily fixed as a measly stab wound.

it’s not completely inconsequential and it’s bleeding a whole lot more than you’d like, but you’ve dealt with this sort of thing and worse before. sam will stitch you up and you’ll be as good as new in a few days. even better, cas might come around soon and he’ll fix it right up for you.

“‘m fine, sam,” you grumble as dean drops down by your other side.

“shifter’s dead. we should go,” he says, more to sam than you since he’s clearly the most worried out of you all. dean places his hands on your arm, ready to help you up, but sam just pulls you into his arms and up against his chest. he stands and you wince from the pain of the movement, but relax a little seconds later. you expected to limp out of this nasty place, one arm slung around each of the boys as they do the heavy lifting but keep you on your feet. it seems sam won’t risk even that; he needs you closer, more protected, and in less pain.

dean leads the way to an exit, climbing up the ladder first and opening the heavy grate. only when you urge him to does sam let you down. he knows that he can’t carry you up, but he sure would have liked to. instead, he has to settle for lifting you as best as he can, his strong hands never straying from you until they’re on your ankles and dean’s got you, pulling you up the rest of the way and letting you lean on him until sam reappears.

the fresh air is amazing to breathe in and to feel on your skin, but what you’d most like is to be laying in bed after a long, hot shower. and to not be in quite as much pain. you sigh into dean’s jacket, and just a second later he’s shifting you back into sam’s waiting arms. he doesn’t sweep you up this time, but he keeps you steady while dean jogs off to get the impala and bring it to you. with strong hands, sam eases you to the curb on the side of the road and wraps his arms around you, keeping a wide palm pressed against your wound to staunch the bleeding.

as you wait, sam is silent, and not in the soft and comfortable way he often is around you. you’re sure that he’s got a million things to say, not all of them 100% fair to you and all of them completely worried.

and there’s just so much to say that he can’t choose, and he thinks that, for your sake, he should hold back. sam knows he can get a little too angry sometimes, and you’re bleeding badly with your face smushed unattractively against his shoulder and he knows that this isn’t the time. he shouldn’t yet interrogate you about what happened or tell you aloud that he’s overly worried about you because suddenly he’s feeling things for you that he didn’t realize he was feeling before.

you let him brood in silence, and though this is just about the closest physically that you’ve been with him today, he feels sort of distant and unreachable. it pains you.

when dean arrives, sam loads you into the car, piling into the back seat after you to give you a shoulder to lean on. you can feel dean’s eyes on you as he glances back through the rearview mirror, and you’re sure that he too wants to ask what happened, how the shifter managed to trick you despite the rules you’d set.

“dean, we should head to the hospital,” sam says, his voice cutting into the tense silence of the car. you shake your head weakly.

“no, sam. i’m fine, seriously.”

“no,” he counters, “you’re bleeding a lot. we’re going to the hospital to get you some real stitches.

“your stitches work just fine,” you argue, your words half lost in the fabric of his coat.

“and what if you need more than just stitches? we can’t risk that,” he presses, and you know he’s not going to give up.

“sammy’s right,” dean piles on, and you sigh, then wince in pain. you don’t even grumble out an annoyed, “fine,” and instead just like the silence take over again as a begrudging relentment.

When all the doctors do is give you a few stitches and an iv and let you out just an hour later, you resist the urge to say “i told you so.” but really, you’re glad for the professional help, knowing that, though you still feel like shit, you’re far better off than you would’ve been if you’d gone straight back to the motel. the car ride is quiet, but you know that you’re due for a bit of an interrogation when you get back.

tonight, dean starts it, because sam is practically brooding in the corner.

“so, you gonna let us in on what the hell you were thinking back there?” he asks, sounding ready to just about throw his hands up in the air. “did you really not follow the single rule we set? it almost got you killed.”

“i know, and i did,” you sigh, “but it tricked me. it had one of sam’s knives and it cut itself and i wasn’t paying enough attention to realize it wasn’t one of sam’s silver knives. it was a damn good actor too,” you explain. dean clenches his jaw, probably looking for some other point to make. these winchesters never know when to stop arguing. “we’ve all been tricked by shifters before. it happens, i messed up, you saved my ass. that’s all.”

you guess dean’s not in as much of a fighting mood as you thought, because he just shrugs. “you’re damn right about the ass saving part.”

you crack a wry smile, “guess it’s my turn to save your ass then.”

“only thing i need saving from now is that sewer stench. so i will call first dibs on the shower.” he leaves no room for argument on that front as he disappears into the bathroom. only then do you glance at sam, wondering if he’ll say something. his expression has got so many emotions swirling around that it’s almost unreadable. but you’re you, and you know him and love him in a way that nobody else does, so you can decipher it all pretty well. there’s anger, like always, probably targeted at the shifter and a bit misplaced in you for getting yourself hurt. then there’s guilt, because, in classic sam fashion, he likely thinks that it’s his fault.

you’d put the pieces together a bit ago in the hospital. the red marks above sam’s eyebrow and around his wrists and the shifter having sam’s knife and appearance tells you that the shifter got the jump on sam. it probably hit him over the head, tied him up, and stole his knife after stealing his appearance and accessing his memories. and though you can know that it’s clearly not sam’s fault the shifter got to you, he’ll still think so.

he’s thinking that because the shifter got the drop on him, you got hurt. he’s thinking about how trusting you were because it looked like him, about the position he found you in, and though he couldn’t see it, he knows the look you were giving his lookalike. he’s sure that it was that syrup-sweet, honey-dripping-from-your-eyes look that he’s been all too aware of and all too fond of these days. and because of that, it must be his fault.

on top of that, he feels like he was the one to do it. you got hurt by something with his face. you were almost killed and the last thing you would have seen would have been a cold, dark smirk on his face as he killed you. that thought pained him more than anything he could express.

you, of course, don’t yet understand the full depth of his guilt, but it bothers you anyways. you wish that sam could stop blaming himself for everything bad that’s ever happened when all he’s ever done is try to be good. while in the midst of wondering if you should speak first, interrupt his self-destructive thoughts and tell him it’s not his fault, he beats you to it.

“you should’ve been more careful.” his voice is unexpectedly hard and cold, devoid of his usual guilt and gentleness. tonight, he’s more focused on his anger. and of course, you know it’s because of that guilt that he lashes out, but it hurts nonetheless. even so, you want to soften him and get him to open up, so you apply the opposite tactic as him.

when you speak, you let your voice be full of emotion, of sincerity and gentleness and understanding. “i know, sam. i’ll pay more attention next time, i promise. but i’m okay.”

this catches him off guard a bit. normally, when he targets misplaced anger at you, you fire back and tell him how stupid it is that he’s trying to blame you. he already knows it’s stupid, and your soft eyes make him even more guilty. it’s not as if he’s being just as silly this time, but your approach works, a little.

sam does soften a bit; you can see the slight change in the way that he holds his shoulders, but it’s not enough to get him to admit that he’s just worried and blaming himself. all you get is pursed lips and a tight brow. he just can’t get over the image of himself plunging a knife into you, can’t get over your cry of pain or the feel of your hot and sticky blood seeping through the cracks of his fingers.

sam’s realizing that, for all the countless times you’ve come close to death, this is the first time since he’s started to think that he’s most likely in love with you. and that, more than anything else in the world, not the literal devil or the apocalypse or whatever, is the scariest thing that sam’s had to realize and endure in a long time.

now, sam can’t run from being lucifer’s vessel. even if he never gives in, he has to confront it and fix it somehow. he certainly can’t run from the apocalypse, or the world will end. he can’t have that, not when the world is you. it’s his responsibility. sam can’t run from those things, but he sure as hell can run from the way he feels about you. and he’d do that because he can’t afford to be in love with you. you can’t afford for him to be in love with you or for you to be in love with him because it seems like that’s already gotten you stabbed by a hand that looks just like his own. and all that’s happened between the two of you is playful flirting, sidelong glances, and shared smiles, so he can’t imagine what might happen if things go an inch further than they already have.

he got jess killed, he hurt you bad with ruby, and though sarah’s still alive as far as he knows, he attributes that to the fact that she’s far, far away from him. not to mention the people he loved like family who are dead because of him too. that’s another horrifying thought because even if sam didn’t love you the way that he does, he’d surely still love you some other way.

so, sam’s going to run, sam’s not going to let you any closer, sam is going to keep you at an arm’s length. he’ll stop looking at you like he wants you, he’ll stop hovering so near, he’ll quit his goal of making you smile or laugh at least three times a day, and he’ll do everything he can to make sure you don’t love him too much. he can’t let you tell him you love him, he can’t let you confess because he’ll be too far gone if he hears that come out of your mouth. he’s gonna run because he’s decided with horror and glory all at once that yes, he does love you, and that’s the worst thing he could do to you other than slit your throat with his own two shaking hands.

from where you sit, just feet apart, you can see sam grow more and more distant by the second. you can’t figure out what’s going through his head, but you’re sure you wouldn’t like it if you heard him say it aloud. you open your mouth to say something to him, get him to say something back, but you can’t find the words. anything you come up with gets stuck in the back of your throat before you can even make a sound.

sam looks at you, just for a fleeting moment that’s too fast and slippery for you to grab hold of it. his eyes hold regret, like he’s done something that he can’t take back, and he doesn’t like what he’ll have to do next in order to keep the consequences at bay.

then his eyes are gone from yours, along with that strange look, and you’re suddenly at a loss of how to reach out to him. it hurts because you know that what it will really take is time and patience, maybe more than he deserves.

you barely notice the time passing, but you watch sam take dean’s place in the bathroom and you can feel dean’s eyes on your back. you’re sure he can feel the shift in the air. when sam returns from the shower, you realize just how badly you want to get clean. you walk to the bathroom and feel a little lucky when you find a small plastic tub to fill with soapy water. you can’t take a real shower for the sake of keeping your stitches dry, but you’ll be damned if you can’t get that sewer stench off of yourself. when you bend to place the tub at the bottom of the bathtub, you grunt audibly in pain due to the movement. you sort of expect sam to come running to help like he always does, already surprised that he didn’t offer from the start when you told the boys you were going to wash up.

apparently, dean had expected the same; while he’s more than happy to be the one to help you, sam almost always beats him to that sort of thing before he can even try. you glance through the open door and see dean looking from you to sam, back to you before he stands from his bed in a rush.

“hey, hey, whatcha doin’ all that by yourself for? can’t have you busting any stitches, we paid for those,” he jokes, already in the bathroom with you by the time he’s finishes talking.

“pfft, yeah with stolen credit cards,” you retort, without actually resisting his aid. he takes your place by the faucet, nudging the bucket under it and turning on the hot water. you’re lucky that the shower doubles as a small bath, meaning you can easily sit in it alongside the bucket and just wipe yourself down without getting the floor wet.

you sit on the closed toilet seat as dean fills up the bucket, adds some soap, and mixes it around a little.

“want me to help you in?” he offers.

“mm, are you trying to see me naked?” you poke fun.

“and if i said yes?” he jokes back.

“then you’d never see the light of day again,” you threaten, already moving to slide off your jeans, with a bit of a struggle. dean’s strong hand immediately finds your elbow, holding you steady. you’re not worried about either brother seeing you in just your underwear. with the life you live, stuck in motels, or getting hurt in less than ideal spots, they’ve seen you that way plenty. and while dean can’t hold back from a lewd comment or two, he completely respects you and views you like another sibling. he helps you with your shirt too, as lifting your arms up proves even more painful than you’d thought.

dean kindly sets a folded towel down on the bottom of the shower bed for you to sit more comfortably, then helps you ease in. then he’s grabbing two clean wash rags, dunking one in the water and handing the other to you.

“try and keep those stitches as dry as you can,” he instructs, and you oblige by placing the dry rag over your covered wound. “we’ll change the bandages when you’re done.”

“mhmm,” you nod, “thank you, dean.”

“‘course, kid. you want me to get your back? or i can send sammy in to help instead,” he offers, saying that last part loud enough for sam to hear. you glance out the open bathroom door only to catch sight of sam’s back as he heads for the outside door. he moves out of your line of sight, but you can hear the door being open and shut behind him. you sigh in disappointment and a bit of hurt. dean curses lightly under his breath and you suddenly feel awkward and ashamed for no practical reason. but dean knows that sam isn’t being as good to you as he should, so he’s being extra nice instead.

“if you– if you could do it that would be nice. thanks,” you frown, then try to fix it with a strained smile. when dean is done, he hands the damp cloth to you, and you thank him again quietly.

“just holler if you need anything else,” he reminds you before walking out, leaving the door open by just a sliver.

you carefully wipe down the rest of your body, relishing in the heat of the water and the feeling of being just a little cleaner. you’re slow about it, letting yourself savor the alone time and telling yourself that you won’t worry about the events of the day until tomorrow. during the time that you clean yourself, you hear the outside door open and close twice more, and you assume sam’s come back and left again. by the time you’re done with the soapy water, it’s gone lukewarm, but you’re successfully feeling much more relaxed.

“dean!” you call out, hoping he’ll come and change the water for you so that you can get rid of any extra soap suds still lingering on your skin. there’s no reply for a long moment. “dean?” you call again. “can you help me again?”

without a word in response, you hear footsteps, then the creak of the bathroom door. instead of dean, you find sam poking his head into the room.

he clears his throat awkwardly. “dean left to get some more food. i can, uh– i can help.”

“oh, okay,” you smile at him a little, then feel sort of pathetic because of the hope that rises in your chest. you force your voice into nuetrality. “thanks, sam. i, uh, i just need to dump this out and get some new water. it’s just sort of heavy.”

“right, yeah. of course.” sam enters the room fully, filling up the small space with his tall, broad frame. when he gets close, you extend a hand, silently asking him to help you stand first, despite the fact that you could do it yourself with the help of the wall. but sam can’t very well deny you, so he obliges by grabbing your hand and placing the other around your bicep to hoist you up. his strong hands and arms pull you up easily, and help you back onto the tile floor. you feel the tickle of a rivulet of water run down your right leg, then a few more on your left. sam dutifully pulls the towel you were sitting on out and hands it to you before he dumps out the soapy water and turns on the faucet, checking the temperature before letting it splash into the bucket

you stand there in silence, watching him work, watching him keep his eyes averted from your almost naked form, watching him struggle with being so close to you.

“there,” he says simply when he’s done, grabbing the towel from you and placing it back on the bottom of the tub. once he’s eased you back down to sitting in the shower, he straightens and takes a step backwards towards the door. but he can’t just leave, not like that. “is there anything else you need?”

you think you’re allowed to be a little selfish sometimes, so you say yes. “uh, yeah. could you, uhm, could you just wipe down my back? i can’t tell if there’s still soap on it.” sam almost tells you that there isn’t and just walks away, but he caves to you and the look in your eyes.

he looks like he’s not sure if he wants to stiffen and close himself off and do it in silence, or soften and open himself up to being gentle with you. it seems he’s unable to treat you too coldly, no matter what sort of fear or silent commitments to staying clear of you he’s made.

“‘f course,” he agrees after a moment, getting down on his knees, pressed right up against the wall of the bathtub as he takes the wet rag from you and dips into the newly hot water. he keeps his eyes trained on the skin of your back, and you keep yours to the plain white surface of the tile wall in front of you. his hand is as gentle, warm, and encompassing as you know it to be. of course, he’s trying not to touch you directly, keeping most of his hand covered by up the cloth. but the motel rag isn’t a generous size, and his hands are, so the base of his palm or the pads of his fingertips keep brushing against your cool skin. he’s hot in comparison to you, as per usual.

the task doesn’t have to take long at all, but sam must be having trouble parting from you now that he’s back and so, so close. so, he takes the rag across the whole expanse of your back more than once, applying a gentle pressure that soothes and relaxes your still tense muscles. only once he’s heard a sigh of satisfaction leave your lips does he bring his hand away from you.

there’s a few more moments of quiet, only punctuated by the sounds of lightly sloshing water as he dips the rag back into the water, then squeezes it out so that it’s not too soaked for your next use. he hands it to you and asks, “anything else?” without getting up or even glancing at the door like he wants to escape. he lets himself look at your face for a moment, before tearing his gaze away once more.

you shake your head lightly. “that’s all. thanks.”

“mhmm,” he nods, “tell me if you need me.” that’s not how he meant to say things, but it’s how it came out anyways. and oh how you wish to tell him, i need you. he wants to hear you say it too, until he remembers himself and the fact that he’d cave if he did. and he can’t cave, not ever, not even if you told him that you need him. these days he feels like he needs you.

“okay.” you wait for him to leave before you put your attention back on yourself. when he closes the door behind himself, you heave out a deep sigh, then yawn, suddenly hit with a wave of bone-deep exhaustion. you make quick work of wiping off the rest of your body and brace yourself on the wall to stand. you’re not sure you can bear being stuck with sam in such close proximity again tonight, so you dress yourself with just a bit of trouble and leave the tub of water alone for one of the boys to take care of tomorrow.

when you leave the bathroom, dean’s still gone and sam’s laying on his bed. you almost tear up at the sight of him, tucked tightly into one half of the space and his back so purposefully facing your side of the bed. upset with this small cruelty, you climb into dean’s bed instead and fall asleep on your back before you can even change your bandages.

—

last night you caught sam reaching for your hand. he was motioning with the hand further from you, distracted as he complained about something dean said earlier. you glanced down for no particular reason and a movement caught your eye. his unoccupied hand had drifted closer to you, reaching out seemingly on instinct, as if walking next to you should mean holding hands with you. quickly, you looked away, and you never felt his hand even brush past yours. but you heard the rustle of his jacket as he moved, the pause in his words, and the shift in tone when he finally continued to speak. you don’t think he knows that you noticed.

and the day before that, he gave you this dazzling smile and didn’t even think twice about it. sometimes he’ll smile at you wide, and the pretty look on his face will be ripped away as if he’s had some horrible realization that smiling at you is somehow a sin. but this last time, the smile faded naturally, untouched by the overbearing hesitancy he seems to have kept clutched in his hands for the past few weeks since that night with the shapeshifter.

there’s this constant push and pull coming from him that you can’t quite wrap your head or heart around. many days, he’s distant and that’s it. all you get is talk of cases or how to stop the goddamn apolcalypse. other days he’s able to be decently normal; he’ll joke and chat a little and you’ll get a glimpse of your sam. and some days he just can’t stay away, like there’s this tug pulling him to you that’s too strong to resist. it calls his hand towards yours, his eyes all over your face, and his body to stand right by you. those days he can’t cover up any sort of longing gaze and he’s stuck staring right at you and missing you more than he ever imagined he’d have to.

you suppose you prefer the in between days, because they’re the closest to the sam that you’ve had by your side for so long. they’re closest to the sam that’s your best friend, the sam who didn’t know he loved you yet. those are the days you can most easily pretend that something isn’t wildly off about you and him, because dealing with unrequited love has sort of become your norm. and while the days he can’t hide that he feels more for you are a desirable confirmation that there’s some part of him that can’t resist you, they’re also a painful reminder that it’s not quite enough to keep him from distancing himself.

and lord, it just hurts so much when one of those sweet days turns sour. you’ll feel at ease, hopeful and glad for the day's luck, when suddenly the good day has turned too good or one of you has laughed too sweet and loud because of the other. at that, sam will instantly pull away as if it’s dangerous to be happy together. you can see his eyes change from content because of you to tortured because of you and all you want to do is take him by the shoulders and shake him hard. then mostly likely kiss him hard too, if you can get him to come to his senses.

of course, there’s that never ending love. you really don’t think you could stop loving him if you tried with all of your might. but there’s certainly anger. each day that passes by, you become angrier and angrier with him, so frustrated with him and his stupid decisions. with too much time to think about him and his odd behavior, you feel nearly sure that he’s just plain old afraid. of losing you or hurting you or some other classic, stupid reason and frankly, it’s completely unromantic. it’s making you feel like you’re losing your mind.

so when sam takes today, a half-normal day where you don’t feel the weight of his hesitance bearing down on you, and he snatches that away with a simple, closed-off expression, you feel far too fed up to just let it go.

dean’s off at some bar and though his support in your argument might help—because you’re almost positive that dean is on your side and is getting nearly as frustrated as you—you need to confront sam alone first.

you let silence reign in the motel room until sam’s done showering and about to settle into doing a bit of extra research before heading to bed.

“sam,” you start, already cursing to yourself when he looks at you without any of his usual eagerness to hear you talk. you’re sure he can already tell that you’re displeased from the way you said his name. “we have to talk.”

his jaw clenches and he glances down at the closed laptop in front of him. he contemplates how to answer for a moment. “i should really check for any signs of lucifer. we haven’t gotten anything new in weeks, we’re bound to catch wind of something soon.”

your anger flares, but you tamp it down in favor of keeping this conversation as civil as possible. an angry you plus an angry sam never ends well, and you’re determined to make yourself heard before either of you walk away in frustration.

“no, sam. don’t ignore me. i know that you checked during lunch today, so it can wait until tomorrow,” you counter.

“this is important, you know that.” his voice is so flat and emotionless and stubborn and so unlike him that it hurts.

“it is,” you agree, “but you already checked today, so i’m asking you not to make excuses and listen to me, sam. it’s not that hard.” you bite your tongue, almost wishing you hadn’t made that last biting comment because you know it’ll just antagonize him. but you also know that your anger is warranted.

you can see sam realizing he can’t get out of this conversation in the way that he purses his lips in frustration.

“i– y’know, i’ve really tried to give you time.” you don’t wait for him to really look at you to start. “we all need time sometimes, but it’s not fixing anything. you’re not… you’re not trying to fix anything, it feels like.”

he won’t even look at you when he talks. “what do you want me to fix?”

“the way you’re treating me!” you say, indignant and raising your voice a little, unable to hold back. “you– i don’t know, you’re acting so strange! like– like one second you’re normal. normal sam, my best friend sam. and then you act like you don’t want me around. like you’d rather be stuck in the car and motel rooms with anyone else in the world but me.” only once you start talking do you realize just how much you have to say. it’s not just stop acting this way, or let’s talk about it, it’s so much more. so much that you need him to hear and to understand.

your voice quiets again. “you know, once, you told me that i was a god-send. that, that you can put up with all this shit because we get to do it together. it’s always been you and me! of course, it’s always been you and dean, but sam! we’re best friends,” you say it more like a plea than a statement. “you used to say that. then it got to the point where it felt like we didn’t even have to say anything at all. we just were. it used to feel like you’d do anything for me, just like i’d do for you. i never even questioned that, not once until ruby came along. even then, i knew it wasn’t you. not an excuse, but i knew, once she was gone, you’d figure it out again. just like always. we always figure it out. so why, why for the love of god are you not even trying?” your own words hit you like a wall of bricks. when things happen, when things go wrong, or you don’t understand something, you’ve always figured it out together. what you’re supposed to do is voice your concerns to the other and usually without saying the words, ask for help. this time, sam won’t share the burden with you, won’t attempt to figure it out with you even when it so clearly involves you.

sam opens his mouth to speak, and at least he’s looking at you now, but you won’t let him say a word yet. he’ll shut you down, and you can’t have that.

“why do i suddenly feel so stuck? i feel like there’s nothing i can do, like you’re slipping away, right through my fingertips! and that’s just the strangest feeling when, for the longest time, i was convinced that you’d be the one constant in my life. i really, really thought that way, sam. and i get that i’m biased and blinded by my own feelings, i just never imagined that you’d do anything like this, pull away so suddenly and quickly and adamantly like it’s your life’s mission to put a bulletproof wall in between us. so, i guess at the very least, i’d like a bit of an explanation as to why you don’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

your question hangs in the air, heavier and more smothering than a water-soaked wool blanket. you suppose you could keep talking; you’re not anywhere near out of things to say, but you need him to respond. he’s the one letting the silence take over, not you. he takes a deep breath, like he’s known he’d have to explain eventually, but would never be the one to willingly bring it up.

he answers plainly, almost honest. “it’s safer this way. it’s dangerous for you to be close to me.” you want to scream because you were right. you would’ve loved to have been wrong, for him to have magically had some good reason for all this. but in the end, it has come down to the evils of the world pressing down on a good man and that good man caving to believe what the evils tell him he is. you want to scream because sam is wrong. being close to him feels like saving grace.

he’s not cursed, he’s not the cause of all the pain and death that rains down on the people he loves. and what about him? what about all the pain and death that rains upon him? where does he get reprieve, an apology for being singled out and tossed through all of these horrors by unexplainable forces? why can’t he blame god? why can’t he see that it’s not his fault?

“that’s not true,” you beg, “and it’s not an excuse to treat me like shit.” he looks away, a physical manifestation of the fact that he doesn’t want to admit that you’re right about at least that.

“i’m not trying to… to hurt you.” sam face just falls. he looks devastated. he wasn’t trying to hurt you, in fact, he was trying to do just the opposite, but it happened anyway. “see?” he pleads, desperate for you to understand, “no matter what i do, being around me is hurting you. i can’t keep putting people through that.”

“so what? you’re gonna pretend to hate dean too?” you counter.

sam looks hurt. “i wasn’t pretending to hate you. i’d never even pretend to feel that way about you, i–” he stops himself before he can say the words and clears his throat, not trying to be subtle when he changes the subject. “dean’s different. he’s involved in all this shit too. he doesn’t have a choice but to be around me, but you? you could be safe somewhere else.”

“and you think i want that? you think i��d make the choice to leave you, just to be a little safer?” you want to keep going, but he interrupts you.

“no, that’s exactly it. you’d never leave us, and i know that. but if– if we stay at a distance, you might be safer.” he’s doing everything he can not to make it sound like he wants you to go. he just can’t explain that the issue is that he loves you, that he thinks the solution is to stop loving each other.

“that’s bullshit,” you shake your head. “sam, i know that you think you’re cursed or some shit like that, but it’s not true. none of this is your fault.”

“how? how is it not my fault? the people i love die because of me, and no other reason. how is that not my fault?” he argues, desperately believing himself.

“because you’re not the one who killed them! you didn’t make that choice. those things happened to you too, sam. how much grief and loss have you had to go through because of things you couldn’t control? it was never your fault, sam.”

“and yet, if they weren’t around me, they never would have died. it doesn’t matter what choices i made, it was the simple act of being close to me that’s gotten so many people killed. and i can’t lose you, too. i just can’t and it’s just too possible that it’ll be because of me. i can’t live with that. i can’t let you get hurt.” this is the most raw his voice has been in weeks, months maybe even. you can see just how completely, irrationally terrified he is that he’ll get you killed and you’re starting to think that he’s too far gone for you to reel back to reality, to hope and perseverance and closeness. but you can’t seem to give up, still full of things to say.

“that’s not how this works!” you refute. “this is my life, it’s your life, our life. and whether or not i’m around you or close to you, i’ll still get hurt! it’s not like i’m just going to quit hunting so you don’t have to worry. so sam, you could hurt me on purpose; pull away, refuse me when you have to know damn well how i feel about you. it’s not like i’ve ever really been that subtle, you were just never looking for it until now. or– or you could do your best and if i get hurt, it's an accident, right?” you practically beg for him to agree, for him to see that treating you this way is so much worse than anything else that could happen to you because of him.

he curses under his breath. you’re getting so close to saying the sort of words that will make his resolve snap, one way or another. he says nothing and you’re still waiting for him to understand you. so, you hit him with something even more solid and irrevocable than your logic: your love.

“you can’t seriously think that i’m going to just let things go on like this, can you? is this really your plan? to pretend we don’t care about each other? to throw over a decade of friendship out the window because you think somehow it’ll keep me safe?” you make sure that he’s looking you straight in the eyes as you continue, voice thick with emotion, “sam, there’s nothing, nothing that could keep me from loving you. i’ve loved you since you were seventeen, at least. i was watching you study, realizing that you really were gonna go to college. damn, i was so happy for you and i was ready to do anything to help you get there. then i started thinking about how much i was gonna miss you. wondering if maybe i could get away too. if we could get away together. the next week my dad dragged me away on another hunt and i didn’t see you for a year. we saw each other nearly right before you left and i considered asking if i could run away with you. but i didn’t want you to have to drag any remnants of the life with you, and i was exactly that. i wouldn’t have been able to make it anyway.

“and you know, the saying that absence makes the heart go fonder, it’s not psychologically true. the more time you spend with someone, the more you get to love them. but i really felt like it was sort of true because i missed you so bad that it made me love you all the more. i tried to talk dean out of asking you to come back to look for your dad, but when i saw you again i gave up on that. i didn’t care that you had had jess or that you liked madison or sarah, and sure, ruby hurt a little more than them, but no matter what, i just liked being close to you. when i saw you again, i swore i couldn’t look away. and i was content loving you through looks and longing and letting you be.

“but sam,” your voice cracks as you say his name and you try to swallow your tears, “this is just cruel. there’s not even anyone else, but you feel so much farther than you’ve ever been. you’d really refuse me after you dare to give me hope that you might actually love me back? i spend far too much time looking at you to miss the way you look at me. and i love listening to your voice so much that i could never miss the way your voice has changed when you talk to me as of late. you gave me hope for just a few weeks, and now you’re asking me to– to what?” you shake your head, not even sure what he’s trying to change or fix and how.

“you want me to let you go? and what, that’s it? do you want me to stick around but pretend i don’t love you? or– or do you want me to just stop loving you and you think that’ll somehow fix things? because that sure as hell isn’t possible,” you look at him so carefully, so deeply as you search for an answer in his eyes. “or do you just want me to go?”

you didn’t mean that question, but sam truly considers it. at first you desperately wish that you could take it back. you don’t want to go, you don’t think you can be apart from him like that.

but he goes and does the worst thing that he could and he tells you, “yes. you should go.” he can’t even look you in the eye when he says it and you know that you with certainty that you can’t stay. you can’t do that to yourself, to your pride, to your peace of mind. because with those four words he’s told you that he loves you, but not enough to try.

or too much, perhaps. he loves you too much to try, because it’s him who will really be worse off if something he does gets you killed. sure, you’d be dead, but sam… sam would be alive and stuck with far too much guilt and loneliness and loss and greif to deal with. but if you go, then sam can’t be responsible for you. he can’t curse you with his love that way, so sam may want you closer to him than he’s ever wanted anybody, but he wants even more for you to go.

you want to say something awful back. i hate you crosses your mind, but it’s so far from the truth that you couldn’t even say it out loud. if you did, it would still mean i love you.

you’re horrible, sam, is the next thing that falls into your mouth, but you clamp your jaw shut before those words can fall out. you don’t swallow though, you let the words sit on your tongue and you taste them and consider them. because in a way, they’re true. sam’s being horrible to you. but you’re naive, and, oh right, hopelessly in love with him, which means you want to spare him. it means that you don’t want to convince him further that he can never be good enough for you, because he is. he is when he isn’t being like this, and if he can figure it out, maybe he’ll beg on bended knee for you to come back, say he’ll do anything to make it up to you, tell you he still loves you so much and he can’t be apart from you if you’ll let him come close again.

but you’re so fucking angry at him. you’re almost blinded with love, but not quite because you already know that those hopes of yours are ridiculous moments after you think of them. he’s burned any possibility of you and him to the ground. you know this and you know that he knows it too. you hope it haunts him forever and you don’t care if that’s cruel.

“go ahead, sam,” you laugh humorlessly, bitterly. the sound makes him look up from the guilty hole he’s burning into the table top with his eyes. “add me to your list of ghosts before i’m even dead, and know, without a doubt, that this time it really was you who did it. you lit the match, sam. you pulled the trigger.” he looks at you, dumbfounded as if he finally understands what you’ve been trying to say this whole time but knows that he’s gone too far. once a trigger’s been pulled, it can’t be undone and he knows that. that knowledge is a sort of pain that rings in his ears and swirls violently in his stomach.

you grab your coat from the hanger on the wall beside you.

“wait,” he chokes out, tears shining in his eyes. you shoot him a harsh look and he shuts his mouth. he doesn’t get to say that word.

“i’ll call if i figure out how to stop the fucking apocalypse. otherwise, tell dean not to call, ‘cause i’m not coming back.” you grab your bag from the floor by the bed and walk past him to take all the cash from his wallet. you feel his eyes follow you until you reach the door.

hand on the door knob, you turn back to him and you stare him square in the eye to be sure he can see your tears, to show him he made you cry. you won’t tell him he’s horrible, so you’ll settle for a simple, “you’re wrong, sam. you’re wrong about this.”

then you walk out the door, cursing yourself for hating the sound of him crying more than anything in the world.

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three-realms-archive · 4 months ago

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The Three Realms Archive: Masterlist and Rules!

Welcome to the Three Realms Archive, where you can find stories about the beings that reside in the Three Realms and beyond! Whether it be stories of the Avatars of Sin, the students of Prince Diavolo’s RAD exchange programme, or of the incredible human who became sorcerer under the tutelage of the Wise Sorcerer and Master of the Seven Rulers of the Underworld… You can find their stories here!

Atmospheric introduction aside, welcome to this side blog for writing to do with Obey Me! And Obey Me! Nightbringer. These will most likely be bits and pieces that come to me when they come.

My ideas inbox is currently open (use the ‘Ideas Here!’ tab to send them), but please read the rules below first!!!

This blog is new, so bear with me whilst I work on aesthetics and getting started on writing/uploading some stuff I've written :D

Rules and masterlist under the cut:

Rules and Considerations

Please be kind and respectful to each other!

For personal reasons, this is a non-NSFW blog. Please do not suggest NSFW in the ideas box beyond slightly suggestive - any requests like this will be ignored. I will do my best to place content warnings where I think it's needed.

The ideas inbox is called such because you can be as vague as you want - even a single word. However, it is also called this because they are ideas and - depending on various factors like my schedule, how inspired I am, and how much certain ideas inspire me to write - there is no guarantee I write for every idea, or the same amount for every idea. Thank you for understanding in advance :D

I’m a fairly new OBM player, so if anything I write is contrary to the canon, please let me know and I can add a note or rectify it. Most of these are meant to be “imagine the character in this situation” and my personal interpretation.

Have fun!

Masterlist

🌟Inspired by an ideas inbox request!

Oneshot Fics

Checking In: The House of Lamentation family check into a human-world hotel.

Beware MC, the Kind: Sorcerer MC is gaining a reputation similar to that of their teacher, Solomon the Wise. But for what reasons?

Let's Form an Idol Group: Will Asmo's next attempt at making his brothers into a boy band succeed? (This one has a cute commenting challenge - please check it out!)

Dramatic Drama: Telenovelas can be very emotionally-investing for demons.

🌟A Small, Little Lie: TSL Arranged Marriage! AU. The sentence "I love you" means very different things to the Lord of Masks and his spouse and former-knight, Henry.

Love Me, Or Not: Satan pulls on flower petals, hoping to get the same result you did.

Was Never Your First, After All: A childhood friend visits you and Mammon realises ‘first man’ doesn’t suit him much anymore.

First Dates: A collection of first date thoughts from each Avatar of Sin.

Short Snippets

Ante Up: Mammon finds he's a lot more motivated to win quickly when he's at the casino with you.

The RAD School Play: Ideas about MC’s role in a school play at RAD.

Six Pillows and a Tattered Armchair: An angsty (ref. to Lesson 16) accompaniment to ‘Beel is Pillow’, exploring Belphie’s relationship with sleep in the aftermath of his actions.

The RAD Cheer Squad: 2, 4, 6, 8 - who do we appreciate? … Probably not whoever came up with the RAD Cheer Squad.

What Is Up, Fellow Celestials?: Luke finds this one human really, really cool. MC and Simeon suffer the consequences.

Just Wanting To Be Included: Mammon and Beel post a FabSnap video, but their brother just wants to be included.

Debuting Change: Diavolo invites a special guest to a special occasion.

Just A Study: Solomon tries to convince himself that living with you was just a study. Spoilers for Nightbringer Lesson 40!

Relent: Belphie has a super, super smart plan to get you to cuddle in bed with him.

A Rainy Day Indulgence: Simeon dances with you in the rain, and it reminds him of something.

Headcannons

Unhinged™: A bunch of silly headcanons that could each be their own anime episodes. Chaotic things the OBM! cast have done. Inspired by this post by @leniisreallycool.

Series

Beel is Anything, If You Beel-ieve

A very unserious collection of slice-of-life snippets, where Beel goes on a journey to become as many things as possible.

Beel is Pillow: Beel is pillow.

Beel is Paint: Beel is paint, according to Asmo.

Beel is Anime: Beel is anime, and Levi is not okay with this.

🌟 Scars, Wounds and Minor Inconveniences

A series exploring slice-of-life snapshots of the Obey Me! characters in the aftermath of Lesson 16. Each chapter is made up of two posts: a oneshot centred around one of MC's scars, wounds or minor inconveniences; and a post with the general headcanons inspiring the oneshot. Features references to injury and spoilers for Lesson 16 of OG Obey Me!.

Phantom Pain (Oneshot + Headcannons): Mammon is used to your 'needles-thing' by now. He doesn't mind it. After all, he has his own things he does every now and again.

A Weak Wrist (Oneshot + Headcannons): Your wrist is still weak from the TSL Quiz; so Lucifer doesn’t understand why you trust Leviathan more.

Nightmares (Oneshot + Headcannons): Belphegor relishes you and Beel growing further apart... until he doesn't, when Beel's dreams change.

Splintered Arms and a New Bedtime Routine (Oneshot + Headcannons - Coming Soon!): The angels are confused at the weird routine you and Beel have before bedtime during a sleepover at Purgatory Hall.

Better, Quicker Reflexes (Oneshot + Headcannons - Coming Soon!): Lucifer used to think his form of discipline was effective.

#writing #obey me #obey me headcanons #masterlist #side blog #obey me nightbringer #obey me shall we date #writing blog

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obeymeshallwedateaddict · 3 months ago

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Hi I'm new to Tumblr and came across your blog. I have an ask for a fic, if you don't mind. I am reading the main story from the original Obey Me on the nightbringer game, and I'm almost at the end (chapter 72).

Thanks to no spoiler warning on a post, I am aware of Simeon's situation. I can't help but feel MC isn't as concerned as they should be for him. Fair enough, they are respectful of his boundaries, saying he would talk when he's ready, but would it be possible to write a little something about MC (preferably female, but not necessary) offering Simeon support and comfort, or even just a fun day with him to take his mind off things.

Hiii I can understand where you are coming from. I also felt like MC didn't cut much slack about how Simeon felt during the time while I was worried about him too. So there you go! (I kind of lost myself in my writing so it's quite long. I hope it's not a problem)

Post contains: fluff; emotional fallout (angst); might contain spoilers up to lesson 72 OM

Fem!MC

Simeon x reader

You can find more of my work here: Masterlist

Simeon's troubles

You were sitting in your room thinking about what you should write in the requested report from Diavolo. You had just gone through the surveys of one part of the student body about their opinions about the exchange program that Mephistopheles provided you with.

There were pretty positive ones saying that they made friends with some of the exchange students and they liked the atmosphere of having angels, demons and humans in one place. But there were also negative ones saying that the exchange program is bullshit and there should've never been something like this in the academy. You were tired of constantly reading different surveys with different handwritings as well the poor grammar some of the students had. You were completely exhausted. Walking over to the bed and laying on it you dragged your hands over your face. Suddenly you are reminded of Simeon. At first you smile at the thought of the magnificent angel and the friendship both of you share but then you remembered something. You remember how Simeon has been really secretive lately. He's been looking anxious and uneasy most of the time. He is distracted and upset, sometimes he's even lost in thought that you can barely get him to speak to you. You are worried. Is everything okay? You are sure of the fact that something is bothering him though respect his privacy and boundaries. Even when he tells you that everything will be okay you can't help but worry over the angel. The last time you and Mammon visited Purgatory hall to get Simeon to speak the only thing he mentioned is that he is no longer worthy of using the angel's blessing. What is that supposed to mean? How could he be not worthy? He is Simeon. A highly ranked seraph in the Celestial Realm loved and respected by many. What could have possibly happened? You think about it for a long few minutes before you decide to text the angel.

-"Hello, Simeon! How are you?" –You send the message and wait for his response though you don't have to wait too long since you get an almost immediate response.

-"Hello, MC! And yes. I'm fine. Is there something you need?" –You stare at the message for a few seconds thinking how to phrase it without making him worry further more. Suddenly an idea comes to mind.

-"Actually I found out that tomorrow there is a flower festival coming into town and I was wondering if you'd want to go with me?" –It's true. You heard from Diavolo a few days ago that a big flower festival is coming into town for a day. The demon also mentioned that it would be nice for a future representative of the student council to attend so you had a great reasoning.

-"Tomorrow? Yes I suppose I'm free. I would like to go with you, MC." –You smile at the message, knowing that you will finally get to spend some time with the troubled angel. Hopefully you will help him feel less uneasy after a day of full happy memories.

-"Great! Then it's settled. I will come by Purgatory hall tomorrow to get you, see you, Simeon! Sleep tight!" –You respond and get ready for bed.

The next morning after getting ready for the day you find yourself waiting in front of Purgatory hall, impatient to see the affectionate angel. After a while he finally shows up at the entrance wearing the same outfit that he wore in the human world instead of his angel attire though you don't give it much thought since Simeon himself mentioned that he liked the outfit. You extended your arms happily, willing to give Simeon a warm hug. His face still carries that uneasy look, which tugs painfully at your heart. Yet, when he sees your open arms, a soft smile slowly spreads across his features, accepting your silent invitation for a hug. He walks into your embrace and gently wraps his arms around you, burying his face into the crook of your neck. You embrace him tightly. You were sure of the fact that Simeon needed a hug. Everybody does at hard moments such as those. You might not be sure of what he is going through but you can feel it through the warm embrace. You two remain like that: Standing silently into each other's arms. Speaking through actions.

-I needed this... –You hear the soft voice of the broken angel, whispering into your ear as his arms tighten around your body.

-Thank you, MC. –He mutters once again before pulling away.

-Shall we go? –You offer Simeon your hand and he takes it with a gentle smile on his face. You lead the way to the festival and when you get there you are left speechless. It is beautiful. There are all sorts of flowers around. Gentle lights hoovering over the place, offering comfort. A faint sound of relaxing music and the noise from waters hitting the basin of the nearby fountain fill your ears. There is a refreshing floral scent all around the place. And all the demons around seem happy and relaxed. You squeeze Simeon's hand and lean your head on his shoulder gently.

-What do you think? –You question with a soft voice.

-It's beautiful here. In every aspect. In a way it even reminds me of the Celestial Realm. There would always be pretty flowers all around the place. It was... Calm and relaxing. –He responds and lets go of your hand to wrap it around your waist instead. He pulls you close against him and you smile. Though.. what did he mean by "was"? He can always go there? He is an angel after all... You figured he might miss home and the flower festival seemed like an amazing opportunity to give him something similar to the comfort of home. You could understand the feeling. You felt the same in your first days here in the Devildom. Surrounded by completely new people, new atmosphere, new place. All alone, forced to trust strangers who turned out to be demons on top of everything. But Luke was always there for Simeon. As well as you. You had always been friendly towards him. And always been there for him as well.

He led you into the festival. As you walked around you felt Simeon relax a little which speaks that your plan is successful.

-Usually at festivals like these in the human world we make bracelets or crowns of flowers. Do you want to make some? –You mention that to Simeon, thinking it would be a great way for him to get his head away from things.

-I would love to, MC. Though you might have to teach me. I'm not as good with those things. –With that you and Simeon walk over to the fountain and sit on the edge. You had gathered some beautiful flowers on the way there and were ready to craft some pretty pieces. You grab a few flowers and show Simeon a simple pattern to braid the flowers. He on the other side tries to copy your pattern. He successfully does though it isn't identical, which of course isn't important.

-MC... I would like to braid you a flower tiara. It would look beautiful in your hair. –Simeon says softly.

-Thank you, Simeon! –You exclaim in excitement. And he begins to braid. The angel is focused on the flowers in his hands which makes him look especially handsome. You smile and carefully wrap your arms around his waist to which he relaxes into your arms. Resting your head on his shoulder you whisper softly:

-Simeon? How has life been treating you lately. You seem tense.

-I have some problems, MC. As I have mentioned before. And as much as I would love to get it off my shoulders and tell you what's bothering me I'm not sure if I feel comfortable yet. –Silence follows and he sighs before continuing to speak– I'm still questioning some things and I wouldn't like to give you false information. –When you hear that you tighten your arms around his waist and speak softly.

-Simeon, I want you to know that I will always be here for you. Whatever happens, whatever is happening. I respect the fact that you may not be ready to tell me yet and I'm not forcing you to do so. I will happily wait and be there for you until you feel comfortable. –You state making sure not to say something harsh or make him feel even more uneasy than he already is.

-Thank you, MC. I really appreciate it. And I promise. Whenever the moment comes I will explain everything.

-Simeon it would make it nice for you to know that I'm not forcing you to speak. I will be here whenever you feel comfortable. –You move your arms away from his waist and proceed to gently massage his shoulders.

-God, Simeon! You are so tense it's unbelievable! Let me ease off some stress off of those stiff shoulders. –He groans in pleasure as you hit a nerve somewhere in his neck.

-Oh MC.. ngh... I never knew how much I needed that.... Thank you..

After a few minutes of you massaging his shoulders and neck the angel mentions that the tiara is finished. Simeon turned towards you and put the tiara into your hair.

-MC... You are more beautiful than any flower at this festival.. and the tiara makes you shine even brighter than you already do. –You blush softly to his statement and he cups your cheeks with his hands.

-You are always so understanding and gentle with me, MC. Never have I thought that I would ever meet a girl like you. Such a soft and caring creature. And on top of everything she is also a human. A human.. a creature I never thought that I'd fall in love with. But... Here I am, MC. –You look at him with pure happiness and sincere love in your expression. He chuckles softly and leans in to kiss your nose.

-You look adorable when you blush, MC. Has somebody ever told you that? –The color in your cheeks deepens and you roll your eyes.

-Simeooonnn! You are flattering me too much! As if you aren't the most amazing and affectionate angel that I know.. –You say softly and kiss his cheek.

-You are also sweet and caring. And whatever it is you are going through will not stop you from being my perfect angel. Always.. I assure you. –You whisper and lean in to gently brush your lips against his. It is a gentle kiss. There is no force. No tension. Just pure shared love and affection between two individuals. Just like it has always been between you two. It was easy to love and care for him. He has always been there for you in hard moments. And now it's your turn to show how much you actually care and worry about him. How much you actually love him. How much he means to you. Whatever it is that is happening you know that both of you will get through it. That it will always lead to a happy ending. Hardships and happiness walk hand in hand after all. Every hard moment is followed by a happy one. So you know that Simeon will be okay. And you genuinely hope that he will be okay. As a sorcerer you can always ensure his safety even if he can't do it himself. He is your everything. His feelings mean a lot to you. And you are genuinely worried about him.

-I love you, Simeon. You mean so much to me. You and your feelings. Remember that. –You whisper against his lips and pull away to embrace him instead. He relaxes into your arms and smiles warmly.

-Thank you, MC. I love you too. Just as much.. –He murmurs and kisses your temple. As the day continues you and Simeon make a lot of happy memories and you know that he feels at ease around you. You're sure that you helped Simeon forget about his troubles even if it is just for a day. The fact makes you happy and heals the deep concern about the troubled angel.

#obey me!#obeymeswd #obey me shall we date #obey me simeon #obey me simeon x reader #obey me fanfic #obey me! shall we date?#obey me x mc #obey me x reader #obey me x female reader #obey me fic #obey me #obey me fandom

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writerastray · 2 years ago

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Dancing in the kitchen

General Masterlist - Read this before interacting

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⚠︎ My works are all protected. I do not permit any form of copying, translation, or reposting. Please reblog if you want to share my work.

⚠︎ My work is only appropriate for adults over the age of 18. Ageless/blank blogs will be blocked.

-> Word count: 4.6k

-> Relationships: Lee Felix/afab!Reader

-> Rating: 18+ → Mature/Explicit

->Genre/Tropes: Non idol Au. Romance Au. Fluff Au. Trip Au. Angst (just a little bit). Smut. Other Additional Tags to Be Added. (Spoiler tags: Best friends to Lovers.)

-> Warning tags: Alcohol, Explicit Sexual Content. Other Additional Tags to Be Added.

-> Synopsis: You and Felix got both of your hearts broken and decided to go on a healing trip. It turns out that things don't quite go as planned.

The thunderstorm outside made you jump in bed. For one second, you were lost as to where you were, then you remembered. Trip, Felix, vacation ruined.

The first thing you noticed was that Felix wasn't in his bed in the room across from yours, but you heard a humming and dishes clashing coming from the kitchen. You closed your eyes again and stretched out in bed until you sighed and opened your eyes to see the storm outside.

The motive of this short trip was to heal from the end of your relationships. How are the odds of both breakups happening in the same week?

The worst thing was that you two were also sad for each other. Felix was your best friend, and you hated seeing him with a broken heart. It hurts you too. So instead of one pain, it was two, which was clearly not helping any of you get better. Especially in those moments when one of you would finally manage to smile just to look by their side and find the other crying.

After two months, you decided that you couldn't keep living like that. You needed to move on. And Felix needed to. So, one night, the idea came. "Let’s go on a trip," you said.

For a moment you hesitated, thinking he would be upset, afraid Felix and you weren't syntonized anymore like you both used to in the past, but then he answered, "Close to the beach," with a soft smile at you.

The impulsiveness drew you two over, and you and Felix searched for a nice place to stay and prepared the bags. It took two whole days to get everything ready. You let your family and friends know at the last second that you and Felix wouldn't be home.

The place was a simple, cozy house by the beach in the south. The first night you two would go have dinner out in a fancy restaurant, the next would be a lazy day on the beach, and both would go to some nice spot around the city later at night. Then you would probably sleep the day after to finally go home in the evening. This was the plan.

Everything went smoothly. Too smoothly.

Of course, luck couldn't be by your side all the time, and you and Felix completely forgot about the weather. You saw the sky closing some hours after getting in the house, but it was summer; it rains all the time, so you didn't think much about it.

Turns out, the day the vacation came, a thunderstorm struck. The storm came strong; some establishments were forced to close temporarily, including the restaurant Felix had reserved, and, according to the news, the storm would take at least two days to pass.

Now, you'd be stuck in a house for two nights and three days, hoping at least you could have fun in the last one.

You got up from bed and went to wash yourself, feeling worse than before and regretting every decision that made you come here.

It was 8 p.m. when you went to the kitchen, and the scene you saw made you chuckle.

Felix was dancing with a spoon as a microphone. The melody he was singing was familiar. The smell of cookies made your stomach grumble. Felix's cookies were the best. He was so out of it that you couldn't resist the idea that came into your mind. I'm gonna scare him.

Stepping silently, you hold your breath and place your hands quickly on his waist–

A lightning strike too close to the house.

It made such a loud sound that both of you screamed your lungs out, and Felix, not knowing you were there, jumped to the floor, bumping his elbow into a bag of flour.

A moment passed where you both just took a breath and calmed down before exchanging a look, and then you were cracking up at each other.

You extend your hand, and instead of pulling Felix up, he pulls down again, catching you by the waist. Your body between his legs and face close to his.

Your laugh fades away as you look at his brown, gentle eyes, which now have a little amusement in them.

"Were you about to scare me?"

You shake your head with a smile playing on your lips. "Of course not. Never."

He closed his eyes and smirked, his tongue in his cheek. You laughed even harder.

"You think it’s funny?" He said, with eyes staring at you like a hunter at his prey, and before you could run, he tickled you, making you laugh until your belly hurts. You screamed for him to stop, and once Felix was satisfied with his job of making you helpless on the floor, he stopped. Laughter transformed into slow chuckles and breaths.

Felix was on top of you now, his hand resting on your body, making your heart skip a beat. He could be dangerously beautiful. The thought made you slightly embarrassed.

Quickly, you both get up and start cleaning up the mess. There was flour spread on the counter and a little on the floor, and as you cleaned, you glanced at your friend. His concentrated face, big lashes, and pretty freckles you wanted to kiss—

Hold on. Breathe. He is your best friend. Don't let Minho's words ruin your friendship just because he was jealous.

You look at him again. There was flour on his cheek now. You went closer to him, putting your hand on his face and turning him toward you.

"There's flour on your face," you said, voice coming out softly that you intended to, hand already cleaning.

You can feel his eyes on you, and you bite your lips. When you look at his eyes, you see him staring at your lips. Your heart feels like it's going to burst as your gazes lock again.

"I'm done," you said, wanting to distance yourself, but your body didn't obey you.

A tiny shake of his head brings his attention back to what you just said. "Sorry, my mind was somewhere else."

He went to the other side of the kitchen to get a broom, and you felt like you could breathe again.

What just happened? Your brain scans a bunch of reasonable possibilities that are not the ‘he might like you’ phrase screaming in your head. No. This was your stupid heart talking, not your brain. Your brain says, "He must be thinking about Hyunjin." They used to cook a lot together. Something similar must have happened before when they were still together, and he must have remembered the scene.

Once both of you are done cleaning, you sit on one of the chairs close to the counter. "What are we gonna do now? It's raining non-stop."

He sighs and sits by your side, thighs touching each other, shoulders side by side. You felt comfortable and gently leaned your head on his shoulder.

"We can have fun in the house."

You look at him with an arched eyebrow.

"What?" He said, arching his eyebrow too. "We used to do this all the time in the past, remember?"

You do remember. Watching movies every Saturday night, waking up late on Sunday, sleeping on the sofa, playing video games and cards, baking his famous brownies, or ordering blueberry cupcakes from your favorite coffee shop in the neighborhood. How could you forget? Once you started seeing other people, you both started hanging out less and less.

"What do you want to do then?"

Felix smirked and made your heart quicken. He got both of your hands as he stood and kissed your knuckles. Next, he pushes you toward him and whispers in your ear, lips slightly touching your skin. "Let's dance."

"Dance? What about the cooki–"

He turned you around in the kitchen. "Don't worry about it. I wanna dance with you."

You giggled and turned around again. "I'm pretty sure we can't dance without music."

He let go of you to get his phone and played the familiar song that you had discovered to be Frank Sinatra's. He tilted his head and smiled at you, extended his hand, and, giggling, you accepted.

He pulls you to him, and you feel his warm hands resting on your waist. Both of you spin in a waltz, and he laughs at your clumsy movements. Felix distances himself to turn you, and when he pulls you back, your back is pressed against him.

You feel his hands going to your hips, making you shiver. His face nuzzles in the curve of your neck, giving you a gentle kiss and making you relax on his touch. You swirl from side to side on the rhythm of the song, but you wish to close your eyes and relish in his warmth.

Then he spins you until your chest hits his. Felix is humming the song, and his voice is soothing and melodic. You always loved his voice.

Your arms rest around his neck. Your fingers caress his soft hair until he closes his eyes and rests his forehead on yours. None of you needed to say anything, but you both smiled.

Your phone rings in your room, and like a broken spell, you distance yourself from Felix to get it.

You see a notification of a missed call from your mom. Once you called her back, explaining everything was fine and that none of you would go out in the storm, she calmed down. There were a few messages from your friends and one message from Minho.

Are u ok? You're on the beach, right? Stay home and safe. Don't go out in this storm.

You scoffed. Did he really think you were that stupid? You sighed. The memories of your time together rushing through you. Minho wasn't just a boyfriend. He was your friend before that. Your fingers were itching to answer when your gaze accidentally fell on the dress on the side of your bed.

Tonight you were supposed to have a fancy dinner, which was ruined. You look at the pretty dress sitting in the corner of your room. You put the dress against your body, cell phone already forgotten, and look at yourself in the mirror. You were so excited to wear it.

"Why don't you put it on?"

You jumped slightly. Felix leaned on the side of the door. You watch Felix through the mirror. His eyes on you made you a bit nervous, but you liked it.

"We are at home, why would I?" You shrugged. The slightly high tone in your voice made you wince.

You didn’t want to look disappointed. Felix was happy today. He was dancing, making cookies, and wanting to have fun. You wouldn’t ruin the moment just because you couldn't wear a silly dress.

"Why not? Let's dress up," he said, walking to you.

You turned to stare at him and see if he was joking. "For no occasion?"

"There's a very important occasion today." He said, and stood behind you with his hands on your waist. "We are together, with time to waste and no obligations, so again, why not?"

You smile at him and shake your head, agreeing anyway.

As you change, you hear him say he would let things ready beforehand downstairs.

You put on make-up but leave your heels in the corner of your bed, choosing instead your slippers. You heard Felix run to his room to change too.

When you two meet in the hallway, your breath gets taken away. You knew Felix was handsome, but in all those years of friendship, you never saw him in such attire, instead, he was usually in his sweater or jeans. He looked like a prince dressed in a black suit, and you couldn't take your eyes off him.

Till you looked at his feet and saw slippers on them. You chuckled, showing your slippers too, but Felix’s gaze ran over your body as he grinned.

"What a beautiful lady I encountered tonight." Then he looked at your feet and snorted. "With lovely slippers."

You slightly punch him in the shoulders and walk a little faster so he doesn't notice your embarrassed face.

The living room was illuminated by candles. At the coffee table there were two more candles, snacks, cookies, and a bottle of wine with two glasses. Netflix was on TV, and blankets were over the sofa. You looked at Felix beside you and said, "It's perfect."

He shrugged with a little smile on his face. You made yourself comfortable and started to choose between a romance or horror movie when you heard Felix get his phone.

You look at him out of the corner of your eyes. He was frowning and biting his lips; his knuckles were white. Something was wrong. You wrapped your hands around his.

"Everything alright?"

He didn't say anything at first, and you waited until he answered. "He called and messaged me." He looked at his feet with a frown between his eyebrows.

The motive behind Felix's breakup was unknown even to you. And he never felt comfortable talking with you. It hurt you at first, but when the time came and your heart was the one that got broken, you understood him. Sometimes it was difficult to talk with a broken heart. It hurts too much.

Your body moved before you let yourself think, and you grabbed his phone from his hands. First, he was startled, but he quieted down when you said softly, "Why don't we put our phones down, hm?" You put his phone on the other side of the couch and came closer to say, "No need to worry about them right now."

You look him in the eye. You were so close. He has the most beautiful eyes. You cup his face and kiss his forehead. He nodded and said, "Thank you, Y/n."

"Don't thank me for this. It's what friends do."

You cuddled with each other and went back to deciding what movie to watch.

When Howl’s Moving Castle was over and you two were full of food, you both just stayed there on the couch.

There was still a storm outside. The silence between you and Felix was good, comfortable, and safe.

When you were alone in the silence, memories of Minho took hold of your head. The dates you went, the nights you spent with him, his smell and taste, and then you went to the doubts. Where did it go wrong? Were you not enough? Was there a problem with you? And then to his last words. Words you wish to not remember.

But tonight with Felix, you let yourself drift away, daydreaming about a sunny day with both of you at the beach, eating ice cream, swimming, and sleeping all afternoon.

You feel Felix place his hands slightly on your lap, making you jerk a little before relaxing into his touch. It was strange to be physical with him again. When you dated Minho, you stopped being so close to Felix this way, and maybe you didn’t realize it then, but you missed being like this with him. Maybe Minho saw this before you.

His hands were warm, and you liked the feeling of them against your skin, circling his finger in random patterns. You felt comfort in it, even though, now and then, your heart raced. As it had always done with everything related to him. Ever since the first year of college.

The first time you met Felix, it was like you two just clicked, like you knew him from a previous life. An old soul friend. You used to have feelings for him once, but you always hold them back out of fear of ending your friendship. I don't want to lose him, you thought. The day he told you he fell in love with someone else, your heart broke in silence. You were already friends with Minho, and with time, you fell in love again. Felix was just a crush in the past and a friend of forever.

Felix moves close to your ear, and runs his nose through your hair, breathing the aroma of your shampoo. "Wanna go to bed?" With his voice so near to the crook of your neck, he made butterflies flutter in your stomach. I shouldn't be feeling this way.

You nodded, humming a yes, and got up, a little dizzy from drinking all night. You go to the bathroom and try to calm your heart while changing into a large t-shirt and underwear before getting ready for bed.

Once you're back in your room, you grab your phone and answer Minho with an ‘I’m okay. bye’, making a promise to yourself not to message him again. After you message the rest of your friends, Felix enters your room, already in his pajamas.

"Wanna cuddle?"

You snort, even if your heart skips a beat. You pull the sheets off your bed, giving him space, and he giggles, making you roll your eyes.

He climbs into bed and hugs you on the back, making himself comfortable. You can feel his breath in your neck, nuzzling his face into you. Chills rushed down your spine as your eyes fluttered. He chuckled behind you.

"Are you cold, Y/n?" You could hear the teasing in his tone.

"Asshole," you said. He gives you a kiss on the neck. Something twists in your stomach. It's been so long since you did this with Felix.

"Can I ask you something?" He said, surprising you. He was always comfortable asking you anything. So you turn around to face him.

"Of course."

He stared at you before gently stroking your cheek. "You never told me why you and Minho broke up?"

Your body stiffens at the question. Why is he asking me this? Sighing, you turn to look at the ceiling, but your hand is drawn to his silky hair.

"You never told me why you and Hyunjin broke up either?"

He doesn't answer, so your gaze goes back to him. Your heart sank when you saw the anguish in his eyes. You gently put your fingers between his eyebrows to stop the frowning. "You don’t need to force yourself to talk."

"No, I think it’s time. I want to be honest with you," he said. So, you stay there, looking at him and appreciating every detail instead of freaking out. You saw his resolution, and when he closed his eyes, he said, "He thinks my heart belongs to someone else."

You cover your mouth with your hands, your heart beating faster, before asking, "Someone else? Who?"

He gulped, and the seconds he waited to say appeared to be an eternity for you. "You. Hyunjin said I have feelings for you more than for him."

You look at him without believing what you just heard. You take a deep breath, trying to process what he just said. Was fate playing games with you?

"I– Why would he even think that?" You said, knowing deep down that these words were not only about Felix's situation but yours too.

When your gazes meet, it feels like you finally became conscious of what was happening. You and Felix were with legs intertwined, his chest turned almost entirely to yours, and warm hands on your waist.

He was too close, and your hands were trembling, heart pounding against your chest. "And do you think that is true? What do you think about that?" You insisted, with hope flourishing inside you. Felix licked his plump lips before answering.

"I think I have spent a lot of time with you in my head ever since I met you. And when you crossed my mind, it was not only as a friend."

Your heart stopped for a second. Your thoughts didn't work, and the words didn't come. Did Felix just confess? That wasn’t possible. He always saw you as a friend and never did anything that could make you think otherwise. Right?

Time seemed to slow down. There was no storm outside, no sound of wind coming from the windows, no exes, nothing. Only you and Felix.

Your body moved for you, fingers touching Felix's face, tracing his cheeks, his lovely freckles. Felix closed his eyes at your touch and pressed his face against your hands.

"Y/n, why did you and Minho break up?" he said, and you saw his eyes squint in his confusion. You only shook your head, denying everything in front of you. You didn't want to talk about that. The realization that Minho was right all the time made you even more confused. You'd really hurt your ex, and that breaks your heart. But it doesn’t break fully enough to not accept the happiness that Felix just offered you. His feelings.

When Felix sees your lack of response, he gets even closer, the weight of his body pressing on yours. Your hands went to his hair, as his lips were in your ears. "Y/n," he said softly, "why did you two break up?"

At this point, you already have tears almost falling. You need to be honest, just like he was with you. You couldn’t hold back anymore. Felix put just enough distance between you two to look at you. I need to say it.

"He said I still have feelings for you."

Your eyes don’t leave Felix. You noticed all the small changes. His eyes closed before opening wide, a small tilt of his head—all the little expressions that showed he was confused.

"What do you mean, still?"

"What do you think I mean?" You said, frustrated that you needed to be brave about your feelings. "I liked you for a long time, Lix. But then you were in a relationship, and then Minho came, and I really believed I left my feelings for you in the past, but—" and you breathe deeply before letting the last words fall. "It seems I’m still in love with you."

In a heartbeat, Felix's lips were on yours. His lips were warm and soft on yours. He nudges your lips to open and tastes you, his hands going down your body, dragging you in closer. Felix’s kisses felt right. They made you want more and more. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against yours. "I can’t believe we’ve been in love with each other this whole time.”

You felt him shake his head, your noses bumping lightly against each other. You could only smile, not believing it was real. He has feelings for you. Felix. Your best friend.

"Say it again?" You say, almost in a whisper, with fear that you'd shattered whatever was happening at that moment.

"What?"

"Your feelings for me, say it again?"

He held your face and said, "I’m in love with you."

You brush your lips against his, heart racing, euphoria rushing through your body.

"Again, Lix"

"I’m in love with you," he said, and you threw your arms around his shoulders and kissed him passionately.

Felix let out a low sound as he grabbed your hair and pulled your neck back, kissing you down your throat. His hands moved smoothly over your stomach, fingers brushing your skin and making you shiver. Your hands traced the shape of his body, and you felt the warmth through his shirt and the flex of his muscles.

You pulled your shirt over your head and tossed it to the ground, and Felix did the same. His gaze travels down to your naked body and back to you.

He bends down and kisses you in the temple, on your cheek, and at the corner of your lips. When you search for his lips, he smiles before giving in.

He kissed you deeply now, his tongue sliding against yours. Your fingers go to his soft hair as the thunder rumbles again.

Felix’s hand wanders to your breast, and he circles your nipple between his fingers. You plunged towards his neck, breathing against his skin as your lips grazed back and forth, licking his skin, exploring just below his ear, then kissing and sucking all the way to his shoulder. The second Felix's cock hardens against your thigh, you moan against his skin, and you drag his lobe through your teeth.

You put your hand on his cock and feel the heat. The head swells, and you drag your thumb over the slit. You smirked as he let out a growl, pleased with his reaction. That you were the one making him feel like this.

You shudder when his hands find their way between your thighs. You felt his hands go higher and higher until they found the place you needed him the most. Then, fingers slide in your pussy making you arch your back.

“Dripping wet for me already.”

He slides his fingers, caressing your pussy and dragging his knuckles over your clit, making your hips shake with his teasing. He dragged two fingers in his mouth before rubbing your clit with them. You inhale sharply when he sticks his fingers deep inside of you.

Felix’s lips encounter your throat, brushing gently, then biting and licking as his fingers explore inside you, making wet sounds and leaving you slightly embarrassed. But you love it. You love that it was him doing that to you.

"Please, Lix, I need you inside me.” You whine to him, seeing his eyes smile with affection.

"So needy, hm?” He said, angling you toward him. Your pussy throbbing.

A swear slips your lips when the head of his cock comes to your center.

"Oh, Fuck," you cried as you arched your back.“You’re so hard.”

Your skin was stretched, and it hurt a little, but it was so fucking good, too.

A moan escapes from him when he moves in and out of you slowly. The pressure in your clit increases as Felix's pace quickens and your body tenses. Soon, you're wriggling beneath him, looking for any type of friction.

"Felix," you groaned as you rolled your hips. The house was filled with sighing and moaning and the sound of his skin hitting yours.

Felix's gaze meets yours, and lust flickers in them. “Fuck, I love you so much,” he says, as his fingers find your swollen cunt, swirling two fingers around your clit. Your stomach tightened until you couldn't hold it any longer.

You cry out and let go.

Your body burst into pleasure, and you clenched around him.

His hands sink to your hips, and he slams into you, making you scream his name. Felix rides through his orgasm, a growl so loud coming out of him that goosebumps cover your body, until the last of his cum fills you up.

You are both panting when he pulls out of you.

You close your eyes and let the waves of pleasure die until your hands find Felix’s–

A lightning strike made you and Felix jump. Arms wrapped around one another. You meet his gaze, and a second later, you two are laughing in bed.

"These lightnings are going to ruin me," you said, and Felix's hands found your jaw and drew you to him.

"Not if I ruin you first." His lips brush against yours, and you kiss him once more.

The sun was rising when you woke up. You see Felix's chest. Then, his sleepy face. You get tempted to kiss him right there. Felix's arms are wrapped around your waist as you recapitulate what happened last night. A smile formed on your lips. Felix likes you, and he knows you feel the same.

Then you realize, maybe the vacation wasn't ruined after all.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

Author's note: Hi! This fic was inspired by the song dancing in the kitchen by Zachary Knowles! English is my second language, so please excuse my errors. Constructive feedback is always appreciated! I do not permit any form of copying, translation, or reposting of my work.

Did you enjoy this? If so, please reblog it. Thank you for reading! Sending love <3

#stray kids smut #felix smut #felix x reader #stray kids fanfic #lee felix smut #felix x y/n #stray kids fic #stray kids x reader #skz smut

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staytheword · 2 years ago

Text

a kiss at midnight

a kiss at midnight — one shot [ general masterlist ]

this series (and this blog) are 18+ !! minors, please do not interact!!

• changbin x female reader; felix, jisung and hyujin are also featured. (felix and jisung are sunshine twins and mc's cousins)

• non idol au, strangers to lovers. new years themed! a basic plot, just an excuse for some changbin smut. :) a lot of drinking, explicit language, explicit smut.

• smut warnings (spoilers ahead) — dom!changbin, sub!mc, slight degrading, use of pet names (slut, baby), handjob, cockwarming, oral sex, deepthroating, throat fucking, unprotected sex, public sex, agrexophilia.

• word count: 8.5k

Your cousins, Felix and Jisung, organized a big party for New Year's Eve. There, you meet someone new, and the attraction is instantaneous. You planned on drinking, eating, and dancing all night — it now looks like you'll be flirting, too.

• author’s note: I wanted to post this yesterday, but... there was a power outage and I couldn't :( I guess it's still relevant today, though, right? There is not much plot in this, I'm sorry! It was just for fun, to laugh, to enjoy some Bin. I hope you will like it ♡ Happy New Year everyone!!

The automated voice of your GPS announces you’ve reached your destination. You step on the breaks and frown at the screen of your phone, attached to the dashboard. No, this can’t be it. You’re at a cul de sac. There is no house here. No other cars. Just trees and snow and an empty road. This can’t be your destination.

“Fuck’s sake, fuck me,” you hiss between your teeth.

You try to enter the address you’ve been given away, but it gives no new results. Apparently you are there. Did Jisung give you the wrong address? You wouldn’t put it past him. You sigh deeply, rubbing your temples. What are you supposed to do now? The roads are a little icy, it’s getting dark, and you have no desire to drive around in the middle of nowhere trying to find this mysterious house.

You take your phone from the holder and call your cousin. After a few rings, a familiar voice answers - it’s not Jisung, but Felix. Nothing out of the ordinary.

“Hey, where are you?”

“In the middle of fucking nowhere!” you cry out. “Are you sure Ji gave me the right address?”

“Didn’t he tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“The GPS will only take you so far. He didn’t say anything about turning right and following the side road?”

You sigh deeply, pushing two fingers against your upper nose. In your ear, Felix lets out a chuckle.

“I guess he didn’t,” he says. “Ok, listen.”

He gives you a few more directions, which you try your best to remember, and you tell him you’ll be there in a few minutes - and if you’re not, that he calls you back because you’ve probably gotten lost in the woods.

You put down your phone and accelerate slowly, making your way through the woods. The side road is mostly clear of snow, luckily, and when you spot a lighted house in between the trees, you sigh in relief. A few cars are parked there, and you can hear faint music coming from inside.

Once you’re parked, you grab your bags from the trunk and make your way to the front door. The place is bigger than you imagined, looking modern and expensive. It’s apparently the home of a friend of Felix’s who is away on vacation for the winter and agreed that Lix hosted his party there. The whole thing had been Jisung’s idea, who wanted to make this New Year particularly memorable after a difficult year. He wanted all his friends in one place, and of course Felix had to make it dramatic and host a party of more than twenty people in a house that isn’t even his.

Jisung and Felix, your cousins, are also twins. You grew up together. Your mother raised you on her own, had to work a lot, and so she ended up entrusting her sister to watch over you. This resulted in you spending way too much time with your cousins, the incarnations of chaos.

A few seconds after you knock the door opens on Jisung, and he opens his arms wide for a hug but instead you gently slap the back of his head.

“Oi, what the hell?!” he whines.

“Forgot to tell me about the side road,” you say, still pulling him into an affectionate hug.

“Oh, right… Sorry about that,” he chuckles.

“I nearly got lost in the woods,” you cry out dramatically. “I could’ve frozen to death. I could’ve been eaten by a bear.”

As Jisung continues to apologize, you keep doubling down on the worst possible scenarios that could have happened. It’s certainly one aspect of your character that developed by hanging out with Jisung and Felix - a flair for the dramatic.

A few people have already arrived for the party. Some of them you know, some you don’t - Jisung makes sure to introduce you and tells you where to put your bags. The house is big, but not that big, and all of you will have to share the different rooms with a few others. You don’t mind, it’s just for one night, and you’ve had enough sleepovers with your cousins to be comfortable sleeping in the same room as them. That’s if all of you even make it to the rooms - you can already bet people will be falling asleep all over the house in the early hours of the morning.

You meet Felix in the kitchen, giving him a tight hug, admiring the blue highlights he’s had made in his dark hair, and start to help him get some food ready.

On the speakers is a dynamic playlist, and you hum to the music, cutting pieces of smoked salmon to make rolls. Felix dances with you, his booming laugh filling your chest with warmth.

A few more guests come in, a few passing in the kitchen, which you welcome with broad grins. As you are putting colorful cupcakes on a platter, the door opens and a familiar voice reaches your ears. You’d recognize that shrill laugh anywhere. You glare at Felix, who is carefully avoiding your gaze.

“You invited Daki?!” you hiss, squinting your eyes.

Felix pinches his lips, trying to hold off laughter. “She invited herself, you know how she is. Besides she’s also our cousin, it would’ve been awkward to say no.”

“She’s not my cousin. You’re just too nice,” you groan. “I’m not going to be.”

“Don’t be petty.”

“Felix, she’s been mad at me ever since Hyunjin chose me to be a part of his team for that board game. And we were eight years old. I’m not petty, she is.”

You exchange a knowing look, Felix letting out a sigh.

“Speaking of Hyunjin, is he coming?” you ask.

“Yes, but later,” Felix tells you. “After he gets off work.”

“Fashionably late, as always.”

Hyunjin was your cousin’s neighbor when you were young, and he ended up spending a lot of time with you. So did Daki, for that matter. She was Jisung and Felix’s cousin from their father’s side, and your nemesis since that fateful board game many years ago. She had a crush on Hyunjin at the time - well, she still does - and when he had chosen you to be his partner instead of hers, she had looked at you like it was your fault. You still remember her telling you, some time later, that you did it to steal him away from her.

You had laughed because you had never been interested in Hyunjin that way, and somehow that made it worse. Ever since, everytime you met, Daki made it her job to provoke you, flirting with your boyfriends, making sure to eliminate you from games, that kind of thing. At first you fought back, but you had gotten tired. At this point, you just found it ridiculous.

When she comes into the kitchen to put the drinks she brought in the fridge, she is closely followed by Jisung who is already giggling. When he sees your face he bursts out laughing, running away as you slowly turn the knife in your hands.

“Hi Daki!” you say, giving her your fakest smile.

She gives you a similar one. “Y/N, it’s been so long!”

Fortunately she does not acknowledge you more than that and you turn away, grimacing, leaving Felix to take care of her. Instead you chase your other cousin down to give him another slap behind the head, and you steal his beer for good measure. You’re not going to let this ruin your evening.

Jisung throws an arm around your shoulder, his grin taking half of his face. You sit down on the stairs, sipping his beer, looking around, while Jisung answers a message on his phone. People are spread around the room - a few are chatting around the fireplace, others are already busy playing a card game. On the couch next to the fireplace, a bit further away, is a gorgeous looking girl with long chestnut hair, Yuna, who your cousin has a crush on, talking with a guy with wide shoulders. You don’t know either of them, but you find yourself staring at the guy in question.

Dark hair, almost black, unevenly brushes his forehead. Glistening eyes of deep brown, plump lips in the shape of a heart that are slightly pouted. He wears silver jewelry, a simple chain around his neck, two small hoops on his ear, a bracelet that moves as he explains something. On his shoulders, a fitted beige sweater that hints at an impressively muscled chest, tucked at the waist in a pair of black pants. You eye him up and down, all the way to his elegant leather shoes.

His sleeves are rolled up a little, his smirk leans on the left side of his face, and from where you sit you can hear the hints of a rough, loud voice.

You slap Jisung’s shoulder, getting his attention.

“Who is that?” you ask him, nodding towards the stranger.

Jisung follows your gaze. “Oh, you haven’t met Changbin?”

Changbin. That’s his name. It suits him.

You glare at Jisung. “No, but I want to.”

Your cousin lets out an amused laugh. “We work together. He’s the one that came up with the concept I told you about?”

“Really?” you say, unable to hide the interest in your voice.

“Keep your panties on, please. But don’t worry, your favorite cousin will introduce you. It’ll give me an excuse to flirt with Yuna.”

You roll your eyes at the “favorite cousin” appellation - he and Felix have been at it since you were old enough to understand the concept - but give him a thankful nod. You follow Jisung, who taps Changbin’s shoulder when you get close enough. Both him and Yuna look up.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Jisung says cheerfully. “Bin, I wanted to introduce you to Y/N, my cousin.”

Changbin glances at you with a smile, turning on the couch to get a better look at you. You wave at him with your most charming smile. It wouldn’t be much of a party if you didn’t get to flirt a little, right?

“Oh, the infamous cousin,” Changbin chuckles. “I actually heard a lot about you. But then again, Ji talks a lot.”

You laugh, ignoring Jisung’s complaints beside you. “It’s nice to meet you. I actually heard about you, too. I love that city lights concept you came up with.”

Changbin’s face lights up, and you feel your heart flutter a little. You can’t help it - he’s incredibly charming, his smile even more. Jisung clears his throat next to you as you stare at Changbin, and him at you.

“Hey, Yuna, want to get a drink?”

The latter chuckles, nodding at Jisung. “Let’s go.”

They walk away, and you point to the spot on the couch next to Changbin. “Can I sit down?”

“Please,” he says.

You sit, unable to stop looking at him. Of course Jisung would not have mentioned how hot his colleague was to you, but he is exactly your type and your cousin knows that. He’ll have to get another slap behind the head for that.

“So you grew up with Ji, huh?” Changbin asks, leaning back on the couch.

You nod. “Yup, him and Felix. My mom worked a lot, so my aunt watched over me.”

“That must’ve been… exhausting,” Changbin chuckles.

“I’m not that much better than them, to be honest,” you laugh. “Sometimes I might even be worse.”

Amusement flashes in Changbin’s eyes. “I’m sensing good stories here.”

You smile, unabashedly flirting. “You want one?”

“Please.”

So you tell him about the time the three built a fort when you were about ten and you had designated yourself main architect. You had made them build the whole thing, and then had pretended to throw a fit and destroyed everything. You played the same game two more times until you were “satisfied,” leaving your cousins frustrated and exhausted.

Changbin listens attentively to you throughout, laughing, and you quickly grow fond of the sound. It’s playful, makes you laugh even more, and you get so immersed in your conversation you almost forget about the rest of the party.

You notice a little scar on his chin. A beauty mark on his right ear.

You talk for a while, sitting close to each other, when Felix appears from the kitchen and asks for your help. You apologize to Changbin, who tells you to go.

“We’ll talk later,” he tells you with a wink.

When you head to the kitchen, your legs feel a little wobbly. You’ve been smiling so much your cheeks hurt a little.

You help Felix bring the food to the big table, which is set like a buffet. When you catch a glance of Changbin staring at you, you almost drop all the plates in your hands, because he is looking up and down at your body almost hungrily. If you were the type to blush, you would be scarlet right now.

But you’re not. Instead, you have to refrain yourself from just walking over to him, dragging him over to the nearest room and making out until you can’t breathe. Your thoughts derail as you walk back to the kitchen.

It’s been forever since you’ve felt such an instant attraction with someone. It has happened before, with one of your exes, a colleague at work. But like this? You aren’t sure but it might have never been this strong. All you want is to look back at him. See that lust in his eyes again. Know everything about him. You feel like you could run away to the other side of the world in this instant, take the biggest risks, a leap into the unknown, and he’d be holding your hand, laughing with you.

What if you did drag him to a private spot? What would he say? Would he kiss you back, slide his fingers under your blouse? You would feel his muscles against your hands, bite into his full lips, push him inside you…

“You all right, cuz?”

You look at Felix, who is frowning.

“You looked really out of it just now,” he says.

You bite your lip. “I’m fine, don’t worry,” you answer, although you can’t stay impassive.

Felix’s mouth breaks into a grin.

“What were you thinking about, huh?” he giggles. “Or rather, who were you thinking about?”

You nudge him, smirking to yourself.

“Leave my dirty thoughts alone,” you tell him.

He gasps. “So there IS someone… Tell me, tell me, please.”

“No way,” you laugh. “If I tell you, next time you talk to him you won’t be able to stop giggling. I love you, Lix, but you’re the worst at keeping secrets.”

He pouts, gathering forks to put on the table.

“If you tell me your secret, I’ll tell you mine.”

“What?!” you say. “You have a secret?”

“I do.”

“What is it?”

“Only if you tell me who you were thinking of.”

You squint your eyes, trying to decide if your cousin is making all of this up just to get the name out of you. It just isn’t Felix’s style, but you never know. As you’re trying to make up your mind, Jisung appears, sliding in the space between you.

“What are we whispering about?”

“Y/N was just going to tell me who she’s daydreaming fucking the brains out of,” Felix says with a sleazy smile.

“Oh, Changbin?” Jisung says.

You give him a furious look as Felix bursts out laughing. “JI, FUCK’S SAKE…”

“Oops,” Jisung chuckles, putting a hand over his mouth.

You slap his arm repeatedly, pouting. “Now I’ll never know Felix’s secret.”

“What secret? That he hooked up with theatre guy?”

“JISUNG,” Felix yells.

It’s your turn to laugh hysterically, shaking your head. Eventually the three of you are snickering like you’re twelve again and looking up porn on the internet - you just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

“Never mind what I said, Lix,” you say, wiping tears from your eyes. “Ji is definitely the worst at keeping secrets.”

You’re eating too much, you’re drinking too much, you’re laughing too much - but is there such a thing as too much when it comes to those? It’s what parties are all about to you, anyway.

Another thing you’re doing too much is flirting. You’ve always enjoyed it and clearly, so does Changbin, because like other things, you indulge in it a little too much.

There’s really no other way to say it - Changbin and you have been eyefucking each other since you met. Sitting beside one another, or being on opposite sides of the room, it seems like your eyes have constantly drawn to the other’s. At one point you thought he would be the one to take your hand and drag you away from the crowd, but neither of you have made a move yet. There has been some hand brushing, a few suggestive looks, even a seductive eyebrow raise or two. You gather that both of you are enjoying the tension that is rising, the what if that is surely turning into a when, waiting for the right opportunity.

That has made an already wonderful evening even better. The food is delicious, the booze is plentiful, and Daki has barely bothered you so far, too busy glancing at the door, clearly waiting for Hyunjin to show up. She’s made you a few snarky comments but you can’t be bothered by them when Changbin stretches his arms, flexing his biceps a little, his shirt embracing his pectoral muscles. You’d rather focus on that.

Music is playing loudly, people are getting decidedly drunk, midnight is approaching, and you agree to play a game of poker with your cousins, Yuna, Changbin and a few others. Daki joins you seconds before the game starts, sitting next to Changbin. You can guess she’s noticed you and him flirting, and that she will try and get his attention to annoy you. Too predictable, Daki. She’s probably bored because Hyunjin isn’t here yet and she can’t annoy him.

You are right, of course. You haven’t been playing for two minutes and she’s already whispering things in Changbin’s ear. However, the latter isn’t responding to her at all - he even shoots her annoyed glances, which makes you snicker. You try to focus on your own game, but it’s too entertaining to see Changbin repeatedly shooting down her attempts to flirt. When she giggles hysterically, leaning against him, Changbin directly takes her hand and puts it away from him, giving her a look that clearly says leave me alone.

You bite your lip so hard it almost bleeds, trying not to burst out laughing. You’re not petty, but this is almost better than sex.

As you end the first round, Daki finally seems to give up on Changbin. You hope she will just go away, but of course she stays for another round and changes her target - you.

When you make a raise, she laughs mockingly.

“I think Y/N has good cards, guys,” she says. “Look at her face, it’s just so obvious.”

You ignore her, keeping a straight face, but of course that only makes her laugh harder, and she points at you.

“Aw, look, she’s trying to bluff. That’s cute, Y/N, really.”

You keep ignoring her - her words aren’t getting to you. You notice that Changbin, however, is getting angry. He scrunches his nose, tilting his head to the side, as if he’s trying to stop himself from telling her to shut up. You try to smile at him to reassure him, but he’s too busy damning her to hell with his eyes.

As if he wasn’t already so damn attractive.

Daki continues taunting you, inciting the others to ruin your game, but except for those who don’t know you, none of them are having it. The atmosphere is tense. You will thank them later - for the moment, you focus on playing, because you have a plan and it is working perfectly.

It ends up between you and Daki, of course, as you planned. You stare at her as she reveals her cards. A flush.

“Not bad,” you say.

“I’m so good at poker, Y/N, don’t worry!” she laughs.

“Yeah, like, I don’t know,” you say, putting on a fake confused expression as you put down your cards. “Isn’t this better?”

Everyone looks at your cards. You have a flush, too - except it’s a straight one. The tension evaporates as the table erupts in screams and applause, and you finally break into a grin. Felix and Jisung jump on you, making you fall backwards, while Yuna gets a bottle of whisky to pour a few shots. You just get a glimpse at Daki’s defeated face, not giving her your attention. Instead you focus on Changbin’s shining eyes and amused smirk.

You raise your shot glass to him.

Hyunjin arrives not long after, holding the hand of his new girlfriend. She has red hair and the most beautiful smile. As you hug your old friend, you take a look at Daki, who looks like she’s just been slapped. Karma’s a bitch, huh?

You can’t help but snicker. That might be a little petty, but you’ve been drinking and you don’t care. Daki’s hurt your feelings more times than you can count in the past, and you feel like her having a shitty evening barely grazes the idea of payback. Unluckily, she catches you laughing and heads towards you, fists clenched, eyes full of rage.

“What are you laughing at, you fucking bitch?” she spits at you.

You raise your hands. “Woah, calm down, will you?”

“You think I’m pathetic?” she chuckles mockingly. “Have you seen yourself acting like a fucking slut all night? You think that guy’s going to be interested in you? You’re just a skank and everybody knows -”

“What the fuck’s your problem?”

You and Daki turn your heads towards Changbin, who has appeared next to you. His jaw is clenched, and he’s looking down at Daki with disgust.

Daki scoffs. “This is none of your -”

“Leave her alone,” Changbin interrupts in a dry voice.

“I’m not going to -”

“Fuck off.”

His voice is so commanding that Daki pales a little. She straightens her back, shoots you a last malicious look and walks away. You breathe out, shaking your head.

“Fuck,” you sigh. “I thought she was going to hit me for a second there.”

Changbin shakes his head, giving Daki a dirty look.

“You guys have history or something?”

“Yeah,” you sigh. “A long one.”

He gives you a nod, sensing you do not want to talk about it too much. Instead you smile at him, sliding a hand through your hair.

“Thanks for the intervention. I appreciate it. I’m too drunk to be the bigger person, so it would have ended badly.”

He smirks, leaning towards you. You get a whiff of his cologne and it makes you a little dizzy. Fuck, he smells good.

“I have an idea,” he breathes in your ear.

You frown, giving him a questioning look. He raises an eyebrow.

“On how you can pay me back.”

The words send your thoughts reeling. Oh, fuck. Is he finally going to do it? Take your hand and lead you to an empty room to ruin you? You hope so. You so desperately hope so.

Are you a little too horny?

“Yeah?” you ask, your voice a little weak.

“Follow me.”

He takes your hand and guides you through the room. Your heart is pounding, your eyes fixed on the back of his neck. Is this happening? It’s going too fast and not nearly fast enough. Your mouth is dry, your legs weak, and -

Changbin goes to the kitchen. You frown when he stops at the counter, looking at the numerous bottles of strong alcohol that are stored there, carefully choosing one. You’re confused - but clearly, you misread his intentions.

He shows you the bottle of tequila rose, and you chuckle.

“You want me to take a shot?” you suggest.

He grins. “Jisung came to work one morning with the worst hangover I’d ever seen. Said it was the fault of homemade shots with tequila rose in them. Made by you. I don’t know why, it stuck in my head, and I’d like to try one.”

“Oh,” you laugh. “You mean the Hot Lips.”

You don’t miss Changbin glancing at your mouth, looking perfectly satisfied with the turn of events. “Is that what they are called?”

“It is,” you answer, taking the bottle from his hands. “Give me that. You’re not ready for this. Your liver will hate you tomorrow.”

“Can’t wait.”

You get busy gathering the ingredients while Changbin gets the shot glasses, and you talk about that infamous night with your cousins. You, Felix and Jisung had gotten so ridiculously drunk on your shots you had gone outside in the freezing winter to build a snowman at three in the morning wearing no shoes. You were horribly sick for nearly a week after that.

Changbin stays close to you as you pour the right ounces of the ingredients. Tequila rose. Grenadine. Soda. A little vodka. A little whisky. And a little surprise of your own.

“Just a little bit of lemon to soften the sweetness,” you whisper to Changbin, giving him a wink. “Don’t tell anyone.”

He’s standing so close to you you can feel his breathing in your hair.

“I wouldn’t dare.”

You turn to face him, keeping your eyes in his. You hand him his shot, filled to the brim, and take yours.

“See you on the other side,” you tell him.

You cheer and take the shot. The taste is almost overwhelming in your throat, and you let out a sharp woo. Glancing at Changbin, you realize he’s closed his eyes. He shakes his head and groans.

“Damn, fuck, that is strong,” he laughs.

You bite your lip, trying not to laugh too much, but his eyes are glimmering with mischief. He puts down the shot glass, licking his lips slowly. His eyes find yours again, and he takes another step towards you. You’re just drunk enough for your inhibitions to have disappeared. Changbin smells good. Changbin looks good.

“Delicious, though,” he states, staring at you intently. “Just the right amount of sweet. Just the right amount of rough.”

You swallow, mouth parted. You’re not even sure what he is talking about, at this point.

“I can see why it’s addictive,” he smirks. “Can I have another?”

“As many as you want, baby.”

The nickname escapes your lips but he doesn’t seem to mind it. On the contrary, his smirk deepens and you feel the warmth pooling between your legs. You must already be soaked at this point. Fuck, there’s no one in the room. What if I sucked his dick in the kitchen? Would he like that?

You chuckle to yourself, and Changbin looks at you questioningly.

“I was just thinking about sucking your dick,” you say.

Changbin remains silent, and you realize that you’ve actually said this. Out loud.

You gasp, your eyes wide. You stammer. “Holy fuck, I’m sorry. Shit, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that, it just -”

“Why don’t you?” he interrupts, his voice low and husky, placing his fingers underneath your chin to lift your head. You meet his gaze, dark and lustful. “I wouldn’t mind you sucking my dick right now. I bet you’d look even more sweet with your mouth full.”

You gulp, feeling your walls clench at the sound of his words. Fuck, you need this man to ruin you right now. You’re dizzy with arousal, and he gently takes your hand, guides it on his crotch. He places your palm around his hardening cock, and you can’t hold back a whimper.

“You’re not going to leave me with this unattended, are you, baby?”

Instinctively, your hand squeezes his cock, and you smile.

“I wouldn’t dare.”

Outside the kitchen you hear people bursting into laughter. The risk of someone walking in is so dangerously high it makes you dizzy, but you’re a little too drunk to care. And honestly, it makes the whole situation even better.

Keeping your eyes in his, you unzip his pants, taking out his cock. It’s decidedly hard now, which makes you very happy. You kneel on the cold floor, looking up at Changbin. Slowly, keeping your eyes in his, you lick the length of his cock, smearing your saliva on it so you can lazily stroke it. He pushes the hair out of your face, biting his lower lip.

“You look fucking good like that, Y/N,” he growls. “I fucking love that dress, by the way. Made me want to snuggle my dick between your tits all night.”

You chuckle, kissing the tip of his cock. “Who knows, if you’re nice to me, your dream might come true.”

“Nice?” he laughs. “I’m not sure I know how to do nice. But I can certainly fuck your brains out.”

“Sounds nice enough to me.”

You guide his cock in your mouth, slowly taking it as deep as you can. Changbin breathes out, holding your hair. You start to bob your head up and down his length, swirling your tongue at the same time.

“Good, that’s good,” he whispers. “Fucking good.”

Encouraged by his praise, you accelerate your movements, and Changbin thrusts his hips sharply. Surprised, you gag a little, taking a deep breath.

“Hm,” he chuckles. “Let’s try it again, huh? I know you can do better.”

It’s like he knows exactly what to tell you - you can do better, and you want to prove it to him. So you take him in your mouth again, taking your hand off his base, and make sure you almost reach his pelvis. Changbin breathes a guttural growl, pushing your head against the kitchen island, trapping you there.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, yes.”

He fucks your mouth and you feel your eyes tear up, but you adore the sounds he makes, the way his face scrunches as he throbs in your mouth. When he pulls back after a few seconds to let you breathe, you give him a broad smile.

“This is so fucking hot,” you chuckle.

Changbin smiles, grazing your cheek with his thumb. “You like this, Y/N?” You like the way he says your name, like he’s still learning it, tasting it on his tongue. “Well, maybe you are a slut, huh?”

“For you, definitely,” you tell him.

“That’s the attitude,” he grins. “Keep sucking, my little slut.”

You go back to it. As you moan around his length, the kitchen door opens, and Changbin quickly pulls himself out of your mouth. Luckily, from where you are behind the kitchen island, you are not visible from the entrance of the kitchen, and the island is high enough to prevent the person from seeing what is exactly happening.

“Oh, Changbin,” the person says, and you realize it’s Felix.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Have you seen Y/N?” your cousin asks, his voice slurry. “It’s going to be midnight soon, and we always celebrate together, and…”

He rambles on, clearly drunker than you. That might help prevent him from suspecting anything, you tell yourself. Still, you bite your lip hard, trying not to move or breathe too loud.

“I haven’t, sorry,” Changbin says. “Just fixing myself a drink. Maybe she went to get some air outside?”

Felix gasps. “Oh, right. Good idea.”

For a second you think Felix might have gone, but Changbin remains immobile, and when you look up he’s giving your cousin a broad smile.

“You need help with something?” Felix offers.

“Nope,” Changbin quickly replies. “All good.”

“Cool,” Felix says. “I’ll check outside, thanks, Changbin.”

You see him wave, and the kitchen door closes behind your cousin. You breathe out, and you look at each other for a second before starting to laugh.

“Fuck, that would’ve been awkward,” you say.

“He’s so drunk I bet he wouldn’t have noticed,” Changbin replies, stroking your hair. “You still good to go?”

You smile. “Fuck, yeah.”

“Oh, you like that, don’t you? The risk of being walked on. I can see it in your eyes.”

You don’t deny it - instead, you take his cock and slap it against your tongue. Changbin throws his head backwards and guides himself back in your mouth. It fits back easily, and you secure your hands on his thighs.

“How does my cock fit in your mouth so well?” he breathes. “My good little slut.”

You let him fuck your mouth, feeling his thrusts getting a little more restless, and from the way he grips your hair, you know he is close.

“I’m gonna come,” he grunts. “Look at me, Y/N.”

When your eyes flutter up to meet his, Changbin lets out a shaky breath. You hold his penetrative gaze as he buck his hips and empties himself in your mouth. He manages not to make too much noise, clenching his jaw, and when he relaxes, you take his cock in your hands and proceed to lick him clean. You trace his length, lick your lips, and he twitches a little, coming down from his orgasm.

“Did my little slut swallow everything?” he asks hoarsely.

You nod, showing him your tongue. He chuckles, putting his cock back in his pants. You look at his face, smiling, and he brings you up to your feet.

“Let’s fix you up.”

He proceeds to put your hair back in order, taking a napkin to wipe the corners of your mouth and the mascara that dripped down your cheeks a little. Meanwhile you just take the opportunity to look at him. When he’s done, he eyes you up and down, and you pout.

“What about me?”

“What about you, sweet thing?”

“I want to come in your mouth, too.”

Changbin smiles, and you take his hand to guide it under your dress. You open his palm so he cups your soaked underwear. The contact already makes you moan, and you roll your hips against his hand.

“I’m so fucking wet, Changbin…”

He parts his mouth at the same time the kitchen door opens again. You twirl around, Changbin’s hand escaping the throbbing space between your legs. It’s Felix again.

“I didn’t find her, so I -”

Your cousin stops, staring at you, blinking, visibly confused.

“I found her,” Changbin smiles.

You grin at your cousin, who finally breaks into a smile and walks up to you, oblivious, rambling about the fact that it’s almost midnight and you almost missed it. You can feel it - you’ve been lucky not to get caught during the blowjob, and you can’t push it. Your drenched, aching cunt will have to wait.

“THREE, TWO, ONE… HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

As per tradition, you, Felix and Jisung grab each other’s shoulders and start to turn in a circle. It’s something you’ve created when you were kids. You call it your manifesting circle, invoking good energy for the rest of the year. It’s bullshit, but you couldn’t see yourself not doing it every New Year’s.

Felix smooches you on the cheek, Jisung runs away to find Yuna, and you feel someone tapping your shoulder. You turn to find Changbin standing behind you, a smirk on his lips. He takes your chin in his hand and guides your head upwards, kissing you deeply. Felix yells happily in your ear, but you barely hear him, drunk on the booze, drunk on Changbin’s tongue playing with yours. You wrap your arms around his neck, making out with him for what seems like hours, until you’re out of breath, until you can barely stand straight.

When you look at him afterwards, his eyes are shining, and his smile steals your heart.

“Happy New Year,” he whispers.

The only thing reminding you that what happened with Changbin is real is that your mouth and throat feel a little sore - but other than that, you might have thought it was some kind of vivid, waking dream.

You want to keep talking to him, but Felix really wants to dance with you and you can never say no to him, so Changbin just decides to do it with the two of you. You giggle excitedly as he rolls his hips seductively, and you and Felix show him a choreography that you created when you were kids. Changbin laughs so hard he holds his sides.

When the three of you get too tired, Felix joins a board game and Changbin sits down on the couch next to you, his arm around your shoulder, not caring in the slightest at what people might say. You snuggle against him as you talk to Hyunjin, who wanted to talk to you about Daki. She has gone home, apparently. You feel bad for her, but not really. It never brings any good to be mean with no reason, Hyunjin tells you.

You and Changbin keep close to each other, exchanging knowing smiles. His hand is resting on your thigh, and your head is leaning on his shoulder. You’re a little impatient for more, but it’s also thrilling. You want to kiss him. You want to know how his tongue feels against yours. How he would use his lips on your pussy. How his cock would feel inside you. You want to hear him groan again.

Although he’s softer outside of sex, you’re not surprised by his dominating personality, and you find yourself craving it. It’s not always a kink of yours, but with the right person, it can reduce you to a trembling mess, which is exactly what you want to become in Changbin’s arms. There’s just something about him.

So you slowly and discreetly pull on your dress so it falls higher on your thighs. Changbin’s eyes drop on them, and he slides his hand higher. You repeat the same game two more times, stopping before it gets downright inappropriate. Eventually you can’t focus on anything else, so you stand up and say you’re going to the bathroom.

You’re hoping Changbin gets the hint. You don’t care much anymore - everyone is either too drunk or busy to notice, and you’ve seen people disappearing for a while inside rooms. Why not you? It’s the new year, open to all opportunities, and you’re not going to waste this one.

You walk up the stairs, glancing back at Changbin who is staring at you, biting his lip. You just smile back, and you walk very slowly upstairs. You’re almost there when you hear footsteps behind you, and you barely have time to twirl on your feet that Changbin grabs your wrist and pulls you inside the bathroom. He slams you against the door, his eyes drilling into yours.

“I think you might be having an issue with your dress,” he smiles.

“Do I?” you ask innocently. “Maybe you should help me with it.”

He chuckles, spinning you around. Your palms rest against the door, your ass facing him. Changbin hikes up your dress slowly, revealing your panties. He groans and slaps your ass, kneading the skin.

“My little slut,” he breathes. “Already can’t get enough of me, huh?”

“I can’t focus on anything,” you admit with a chuckle. “I need you, Changbin, please…”

You breathe heavily as he brushes a finger against the fabric of your panties, over your clit and your entrance. You are soaked.

“Fuck, please touch me…”

He slaps your ass again, drawing a sharp breath from your mouth.

“You want to show me your pretty pussy?” he breathes in your ear.

“Yes.”

“You want my fingers or my tongue?”

“T-tongue.”

He chuckles, taking a step back, and you glance above your shoulder to see him kneel behind you. He grins at you, pulling down your panties.

“Arch that cute ass for me, will you?”

You do, and he hums appreciatively, spreading your legs to get better access. He starts by coating your pussy with his fingers, licking your juices off them, and then his tongue flicks you.

“Fuck,” you moan, twitching a little.

“You taste so good, baby,” he sighs. “I’m going to make you come so hard your legs won’t be able to hold you up.”

You breathe out, aching for more of his touch, and fortunately Changbin obliges. His mouth comes to rest against your throbbing cunt, and he starts to eat you out hungrily. His tongue swirls against you, presses against your clit, teases your entrance. Changbin holds your thighs apart, massaging your skin, and as you whimper and pant against his caresses, his thumb circles your folds.

“Don’t fucking stop,” you cry out, feeling your orgasm building quickly.

He doesn’t, only smiles against your pussy, and it’s the best feeling in the world. He kisses you, rolling his tongue on your wetness, and you only wish you could see him there, buried between your legs, his mouth and chin coated in you.

You push your fingers against the door, biting your lip as your orgasm suddenly flashes through you. A cry escapes your mouth, your entire body shaking against Changbin who does not stop and even accelerates, guiding you through. When your muscles untense, you feel your legs give in, but Changbin quickly sits up to hold you up by the waist, pulling you to him with a chuckle.

“What did I say, huh?”

He groans in your ear, and you feel his hard cock against your ass.

“I need to fuck that tight little cunt of yours. Just like it is now. Still throbbing, all drenched and ready for me.”

“Do it, Changbin,” you nod, still hazy from your orgasm. “P-please.”

He quickly undoes his belt and frees his cock, and brushes it against your still sensitive folds. You moan, Changbin breathing hard against your neck.

“Ready, baby?”

You nod, and he enters you slowly, leaving you time to adjust to him. He feels big and thick, but you’re so wet he slides in easily, not stopping until he is deep inside of you. Once he’s there, you both breathe out, chuckling in delight.

“That’s where my cock belongs,” Changbin growls. “You good?”

“Fuck, yes,” you sigh.

You roll your ass against him, and Changbin takes it as an invitation to start moving. He draws his hips away from you only to thrust sharply, fucking you hard. Soon he’s pounding into you, and you’re moaning, and he’s holding your waist and burying himself inside of you like he’s going mad.

Neither of you are going to last long, you can feel it. The teasing has been enough, and deep down you know this won’t be your last time fucking.

“I want to fucking come inside of you,” he breathes. “Will you let me, little slut? Take my cum deep, keep it in you?”

“Yes,” you breathe. “Give it to me. Fuck, I’m gonna come again.”

He’s rubbing against the right spots and you’re rolling your eyes in your head. As your second orgasm flashes through you, you clench around Changbin and he lets out a low groan. You feel his cock twitch and then spurt inside of you, warm and heavy.

He fucks you until you both ride out your orgasms, breathing heavily, his body laying against yours. Once your breathing steadies, Changbin removes himself from inside of you, and you feel his cum, mixed with your own, sliding down your inner thigh.

You fall into his arms, letting out a long, shaky sigh.

“Fuck… That was so good,” you breathe with a laugh. “You are so good at this, what the fuck?”

“Right back at you,” he chuckles, pushing your hair away from your face before giving you a long kiss. “Let’s clean you up. We still have a party to attend.”

Felix is trying to explain a board game to you. He’s the worst at it. You really should just read the instruction manual, but you like hearing his voice, so you let him do it. Eventually, though, he just gives up. It’s way too late and you’re both too drunk to play such a complicated game, anyway. Instead Felix relaxes on the couch, and you lean against him.

You talk about food, about family, about work - and then Felix catches you looking over at Changbin, who is clearly winning a game of beer pong not too far.

“So, Changbin?” he asks, grinning. “Anything happened between you?”

You smirk, and Felix breaks into giggles.

“Tell me, tell me,” he begs.

“A lady doesn’t tell,” you reply, poking his chest.

Felix scoffs. “You, a lady? Please. I’m more of a lady than you.”

“True,” you laugh. “Well… Yeah, something might’ve happened.”

“Oh, that smile,” he says. “You really like him, huh?”

You nod.

Felix wiggles his eyebrows. “Why not go spend more time with him?”

“Maybe later,” you smile. “For now I like spending time with my favorite cousin.”

“Tssssk,” Felix chuckles. “I don’t believe you. You say that, but I know you tell Ji the same.”

“Well Ji is clearly busy somewhere else, so it’s you I get to annoy.”

You start to tickle him, and Felix gets distracted into another conversation topic, and you lose track of time, soothed by the sound of your cousin breathing, the music, the conversation around you.

It feels like seconds later when you open your eyes, realizing you’ve been dozing off on Felix’s shoulder. Your cousin is deep asleep next to you, cuddling the plush mushroom he got from the gift exchange. He’s not the only one - a lot of people have gone to their rooms, the music is softer, and the place is a reassuring mess, with plates and glasses and pieces of wrapping paper everywhere.

Near the fireplace, Hyunjin is stroking his girlfriend’s hair, lovingly whispering things in her ear. You stand up on shaky legs, looking around for Changbin. He’s sitting in a corner with another guy, playing a quiet game of cards. You catch his gaze, and he smirks, waving at you to come. You drag your feet towards him, settling down on his leg. You nestle your head in the crook of his neck, and Changbin chuckles.

You’re good there. You doze off a little again, and open your eyes when you hear Changbin’s friend say he’s going to sleep. You expect him to get up and walk upstairs, but instead he draws his hoodie on his head, leans against the wall and closes his eyes. You giggle, turning your face towards Changbin.

“You want to go to bed?” he whispers.

“Hm,” you nod.

“Let’s go.”

He takes your hand gently and you follow him upstairs. The first room is locked, another is already packed. The last one you find has two other people in it, so you head back downstairs and decide to nestle in an unoccupied corner of the living room. Changbin finds two blankets, laying one down on the floor, and another on your bodies. You snuggle against him, his arm enveloping you. You feel his breath in your neck.

The living room is silent. All you can hear is the hushed whispers of Hyunjin and his girlfriend - but even those stop after a few minutes. The fire is nearly extinguished, the living room plunged in darkness. You feel warm and safe in Changbin’s arms - but you can’t bring yourself to sleep. All you can think about is how nice his body feels, how wet you are - and how you feel his cock hardening against your ass.

“What are you thinking about?” you whisper.

He lets out a breath. “Are you still wet?”

His low voice in your ear makes you shiver. You nod.

“Good,” he answers.

His hand slips on your waist, feeling the fabric of your dress. You breathe out, closing your eyes to enjoy the sensation. His fingers go further up, cupping your breasts, teasing your nipples. You arch your back, pushing your ass against his crotch. Changbin starts to breathe heavily in your neck, sending strands of your hair dancing.

You don’t even care that you’re in the middle of a room filled with people. You just want to feel him. Besides, nobody is paying attention to you. The room is dark, and you’re protected by the blanket.

Changbin’s hand pushes up your dress, removes your panties. When his fingers finally find your still soaked cunt, you softly whimper.

“Fuck, you’re so warm,” Changbin breathes. “Can you be a good girl and be silent, baby?”

You nod again.

“Just don’t stop touching me,” you tell him.

He smiles against the back of your neck, planting a kiss there. You open your legs a little, facilitating his access. Changbin takes two fingers and pushes them on your swollen clit, tracing wide circles, exerting just the right amount of pressure. You shudder, biting your lip to keep from moaning aloud.

But you keep breathing, holding it back to enjoy Changbin’s caresses. His fingers relieve the ache of your folds, and then he teases your entrance. When he plunges into you, caressing your inner walls, you have to grab his sweater behind you, anything to keep yourself from moaning his name. He starts to finger you, relentlessly. It feels so fucking good.

“Is that good, Y/N? Do you love my fingers deep inside your cunt?”

“Yes, Changbin, fuck…”

“I can’t wait to replace them with my cock.”

You clench around his fingers, and he must feel it, because he chuckles.

“Do you want that, huh? Do you want me to fuck you in the middle of a crowded room?”

“I want you to fuck me, Changbin, please… Fuck, I’m gonna come -”

He removes his fingers in a sweep, leaving you gasping. Changbin pushes a hand against your mouth, muffling the sound.

“Can’t have you waking everyone up, baby,�� he whispers in your ear.

You feel him pull down his pants, the tip of his cock brushing your cunt, and you breathe against his fingers. He holds them there, pushing himself inside of you, stretching you. He feels big, he feels good, already familiar - and you fall back against his body. His chest feels firm, his arms big and strong. Although there’s not much space for maneuver under the blanket, Changbin still manages to buck his hips, filling you deep. His thrusts are slow and powerful, making your body shake, and the rest of the world becomes a blur.

“Shhhh,” he breathes in your ear. “Do you want them to know I’m fucking you?”

You can’t help but whimper a little against his palm as he fucks you deeper, slamming his hips into you, and then you’re coming, writhing in his arms. Changbin growls in your ear, fucking you even faster, and then you feel him come inside of you. You are still trembling, slowly coming down your high, and Changbin removes his hand.

He sighs, and you let out a chuckle, turning to face him.

“Do you think anybody noticed?” you whisper, and he smiles.

“I don’t really care.”

You smile back, rubbing your nose on his jaw, his neck. Your eyes are heavy, and you feel yourself drifting off.

“Y/N?” he asks in your ear.

“Hm?”

“Will you go on a date with me next week?”

You open your eyes just enough to see him look at you. You kiss him, gently, and put your hand against his chest.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

• permanent taglist: @ughbehavior ; @upallnight-s ; @changbinluvr ; @rosexjimin ; @nasiaisan ; @lotus-dly ; @cb97percent ; @j-0ne25 ; @hwan-g ; @jhopesucker ; @tanyas97 ; @raspbinniecreme ; @septicrebel ; @imtoooyoungforthisshit ; @sikebishes ; @sai-kida134 ; @sstarryoong ❤️ (let me know if you want to be added/removed)

#changbin x reader #changbin x you #changbin x y/n #changbin smut #seo changbin x y/n #seo changbin x you #seo changbin x reader #seo changbin smut #skz smut #skz x reader #skz x you #skz x y/n #stray kids smut #stray kids x you #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x reader

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dreamweaversfavsandthoughs · 1 year ago

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Rick and Morty Season 7 Episode 1 Favs and Thoughts

(and maybe a small rant)

Rick and Morty season 7 has officially begun and this is the first time on this blog I plan on sharing some of my favs (and maybe some not favs) and my thoughts about each episode.

This will NOT be spoiler-free so turn back now if you haven’t watched the episode yet. If you have watched the episode or don’t care if you run across spoilers then please proceed.

My Favs:

The new voice actors!

Ian Cardoni and Harry Belden as Rick and Morty, respectively. I thought the actors did an amazing job at capturing the characters, even though we didn’t hear much from Belden this episode. I was looking them up on IMDB and some of their previous work included being an announcer for Wrestlemania, acting in a really crappy looking Disney Channel Christmas movie, and one of the better gigs, playing a bit part on Joe Pera Talks With You. And now they’re the stars of Rick and Morty. Talk about a big break.

Morty’ s snarky coffee comment and Rick’s sarcasm.

Morty is becoming more like his grandfather every season because that comment feels like something Rick would say. Also, I feel that in such a small scene the banter between Rick and Morty seems a bit richer with two different actors playing off each other as opposed to just having Roiland do the two voices. Hopefully we get some bigger scenes to really get a chance to hear them together.

BirdDaughter!

Ok. To be honest, I’m a little bummed that she was rescued off screen but I’m not going to let that ruin my enjoyment of the season. So she is home and she is an absolute teenage terror! BP took a dive into the deep end of the parenting pool with that one. Others have made this comment as well but I love her punk rock aesthetic that she’s got going on, ahold over from her days at Femme Fatale Training Camp. I hope Morty never meets her because I think he would be SMITTEN for approximately 10 seconds until she kicked his ass to another dimension (or she might be just as smitten by him and in that case I don’t think the multiverse could handle that relationship).

Ghost Robot

I thought it was really clever joke overall especially when Rick interrupts the download for “Business” so it’s unfinished. Get it huh huh get it. Hope he shows up later in the season.

The gangs all back!

I enjoyed the absolute silliness of Rick’s pitiful attempt at an intervention that turns into a drug and alcohol fueled bender that turns into an attempt to woo Amy back, a fight with Mr. PBH’s ex-wife’s new paramour ( who is a Predator hired to spy on her) and then coming to the realization that Amy has moved on and her and Poopy Jr. are in a much happier place, and because of that, Mr. PBH (or Wayne) can find closure in that and move on too.

The fade out pills and the Best Friend Burrito Box

I was giggling throughout the episode but I did love the fade out pill gag and Rick fading back in to explain the pill and give one to Mr. PBH then fading back out again. Also, I was so sad for Gene to get his Best Friend Burrito Box taken away! He wasn’t lying! He did have friends they just faded out without him.

My Not Favs:

Hugh Jackman.

I love the actor and this by no means pulled me out of the episode or ruined my enjoyment but I think the episode would have been stronger without him. Or, at least, have him actually secretly been a real wolverine. Not the superhero, Wolverine, but a wolverine that disguised himself as a human.

My Thoughts

(and my rant):

I think online discourse around film, television, and media has destroyed the ability to enjoy something that is just meant to be simple and silly and fun. If an episode of a season is not “mind-blowing” or “moves the narrative forward” it is immediately the worse thing ever. Was this the best episode of Rick and Morty? No. Was it the worse? No. Was it mind-blowing? No, but most Rick and Morty episodes aren’t and I realize I just said something sacrilegious. Was it deeply philosophical? Again no, but most Rick and Morty episodes aren’t. Again I’m being blasphemous in some circles of the fandom. Was it funny? I thought so but your mileage may vary.

Overall, I found it on the same level of episodes like the one were Morty impregnates a sex bot, 2nd interdimensional cable, Tiny Rick, or the dinosaur episode from last season. So I was really surprised at such a strong negative reaction to an episode that I thought was perfectly fine. I feel that the reaction was completely unwarranted and out of proportion with the episode we got. I’ll caveat it with most of the negative reaction being on Reddit ( which I realize is Reddit and Reddit will do what it will do). A vast majority of critic reviews I read were pretty positive and so has the discourse on Tumblr for the most part. I’m sure some of it is coming from Justin dickriders pissed he face actually consequences for his actions, but not all of it.

I felt the new episode would have fit very comfortably in with season 6 ( which I felt was a great season). Maybe it wasn’t to the level as other premiers but I had fun watching it. I love me a deep lore episode or a mind-bending sci-fi, but I also appreciate an episode that suppose to just be fun and silly and relaxed with a little bit of heart. I enjoy seeing Rick try to help his friend out of a rut and I’m glad there is some closure on Mr. PBH’s arc. And it was good to see the friends reunite. Squanchy’s alive, Birdperson is navigating fatherhood and we got to see a side of Rick we don’t see a lot. And if it’s any consolation to those who absolutely hated the episode, next week’s episode is supposedly a lot stronger.

I think it’s okay to criticize an episode but I did see one Redditor complain that he thought (and I feel comfortable assuming this person was a he) that Rick and Morty was now turning into…a sitcom. I swear I felt my soul leave my body. I wanted to say :

Honey, Dear, Sweetheart

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’VE BEEN WATCHING FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS!

I’m not actually mad I just thought that was hilarious and wanted to share that.

#rick and morty #rick and morty season 7 #rick and morty spoilers #rick sanchez #morty smith #summer smith #jerry smith #beth smith #mr. poopybutthole #birdperson #gearhead

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meloncolliemovies · 22 days ago

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THE SUBSTANCE (2024)

Director: Coralie Fargeat

Demi Moore (Elisabeth Sparkle), Margaret Qualley (Sue)

"Take care of yourself."

4.5/5

REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS

TW// BODY HORROR, GENDER DYSPHORIA, NEEDLES, PROFANITY

Ok- I know what you're all thinking. "This is a queer film blog, The Substance isn't queer!" and let me state this- nothing can sum up the feeling of gender dysphoria more than some good uncomfortable body horror.

The Substance is almost like what Poor Things wanted to be (I am uploading my Poor Things review oh so very soon). I came out of the cinema at exactly 5:30pm with a feeling in my body which can only be described as euphoric disgust. From start to finish, Fargeat set out to do something phenomenal, and that is what she did.

I think my best springboard for this review would be the sound. Fargeat opens this film with an egg, injected with brat green "substance" and I was immediately disgusted. We hear everything. The visceral sound of everything in this film, needles, heels, eyes, and of course a body being morphed into a horrific pile of skin and bones, accompanies a score from Raffertie like no other. The score is punchy, funky, and dark, and it's even got song names like "Blood, More Blood". I'm sure you could figure out the plot of this film from song titles alone. But my favourite part, the "2001, A Space Odyssey" needle drop. It reminds viewers of who Fargeat is- she's asserting a genre which Kubrick couldn't even begin to create, in my opinion. That needle drop sums it all up, this hope for filmmaking, this new invention which made me think "we are so fucking back".

The Kubrick references in this film got a cinephile like me excited for horror again. My favourite little reference was the classic hallway from "The Shining"- the mise-en-scene of the "Hall of Fame" which Elisabeth (Demi Moore) once walked down, and now Sue (Margaret Qualley), was very similar to the classic horror film, and it also represented the reminder of blood- I mean, what is a film without blood? This film was not short of it. It made me question my body as an afab person, how much blood really is in me? This film felt like my period. My body being destroyed and the insecurity which comes with it. I think that many a body dysmorphic person can relate to this feeling. Now, I'm not saying that Elisabeth is trans, but I am saying that Fargeat has captured an experience, maybe purely by accident, of the negative feelings that come with womanhood as someone who was born differently from it.

Which leads me on to talk about performance, Dennis Quaid as the disgusting, exaggerated male he is. "Girls look prettier when they smile", is unforgettable. The line delivered at the perfect point, as if it is a punchline to the whole film, and we watch as his "beautiful creation" becomes a monster worth shooting, one who smiles for nothing. On the topic of, "we are so fucking back", Demi Moore was perfect for her role because she is Elisabeth, an unfortunately fading star, and this role reminds viewers, that this is Demi Moore after all, and she can act. I love anything with Margaret Qualley in it, she's fucking fantastic.

My only criticism about this film is really quite silly, but I think it is slightly obvious. I was trying to find deeper and different meanings to it, because I wanted to think more, but it didn't require me to think more, which was enjoyable except when I found myself thinking about heroin, motherhood and all sorts of stuff which Fargeat probably didn't even think about during the creation of this film

Summing up this review, I think this film is everything it needs to be. It's here, it's new, it's satirical and completely unrealistic and it is down right disgusting. Fargeat is bringing back films in a big way, and I can't wait to see her next.

If you liked my review my letterboxd is @1nd1g0o, I review on there too.

#the substance #film list #film #film review #demi moore #margaret qualley #film studies

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ataleofcrowns · 2 years ago

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Chapter Progress [JAN/01]

First progress report of the year!! Hope everyone experiences a great 2023 in all areas of your life and that it'll be much kinder to us than 2022 was ✨

It’s been a while since I posted a proper update on the blog since my writing pace has been erratic in the winter, but I’ve finally made enough progress to feel good about where I’m at with the chapter. We’re up to 27k words now, and I’m guessing the total word count for CH10 will end up being around ~40k words or so.

This chapter more than any other is making me consider how many variations I want to write out, which subplots can be momentarily set aside, and which ones need to be set up now rather than later.

The LI subplots currently take definite precedence, even though they're a relatively smaller part of the chapter in comparison to everything else. I won’t give any spoilers, but some hints:

X is spiraling a little bit, making bad decisions, running away from their problems/solving them with violence. Extremely well-adjusted.

R is having an identity crisis of immense proportions after being hit with a revelation with the figurative force of an airplane crashing into a mountain.

A is seeing both their greatest hope and worst fear coming true without having any idea of how to stop it, the despair of powerlessness, etc.

D is trying to have an intervention with an old friend and instead is getting their heart shattered, and unfortunately therapy doesn’t exist in Arsur.

Please pray for all of them.

Anyway, to give you an idea of the chapter structure, the Crown's training and tutoring classes averages around 7k words, the political section of the chapter is 11k words, and the remaining 9k is taken up by the LI POVs so far.

Final Draft Deadline

I've decided to pick out a deadline that I need to stick to in order to finish this thing before uni gets busy again: I'm intending to have the final draft for CH10 finished by February 1st!

Even if I can't make this exact date and am a few days late, it'll still give the betas enough time to proof read in order for all the early access Patreon/Ko-Fi releases to be in February. So if you’re aiming for early access, I’d plan it for February!

To make up for some of the radio silence on the blog with regard to updates, I'll be posting various CH10 previews throughout the coming week that patrons have already had access to.

No spoilers, but here’s some very juicy ones in the mix 👀

As always, thanks so much for your patience and understanding, and stay tuned for more news and previews very soon 💖

#progress report

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doctorwhoblog · 1 year ago

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Greetings dear Whovians,

Perhaps, it’s time to explain what’s going on with this blog, why it was abandoned and what lies ahead.

Doctor Who as a show ended for me with Peter Capaldi. Period. I tried to give a chance to Jodie Whittaker’s doctor, but even her first episode was a struggle: I could not see the Doctor in her, there was absolutely no chemistry with companions and I couldn’t care less of what’s going on on a screen.

At that point I made a tough decision that I should say goodbye to my favourite show, otherwise it would be ruined and I would grow to hate something that was seared onto my heart.

Looking back and reading comments how the writing went downhill - this perhaps was the best decision as I still have any good memories about the show (even though Capaldi deserved a better writing, especially in his last season).

All these years I avoided spoilers (and Tumblr) and I have no clue what have actually happened in the series - only the fact that it was horrible and they re-wrote things that shouldn’t be touched.

With the news of RTD coming back I was very hesitant to start watching again considering the gap of 3 seasons which I have no intention to close and catch up. But all the trailers looked very intruiging with a definite vibe of ‘good old days’, so I decided to give it a try.

To be completely open with you - not sure how I feel about The Star Beast episode. Despite amazing chemistry between David and Catherine (who didn’t age a day!), excellent references to previous story lines and heartwarming moments, I feel like all this woke agenda was a bit too much and maybe even unnecessary. This is not kind of show when you need to push on a viewer and write a plot twist around it. Don't get me wrong, but overall it looked like a very poor writing just to squeeze to the episode and not the important message.

Speaking of continuity of doctowhoblog.

I started this blog over 12 years ago when I was still at University, then I started my job and things got complicated. I reached the point when I had a very little free time on my hands and wanted to spend it wisely. Tumblr became a time consuming blackhole with no reward in return, so at some point the weight of value of my time overcome the need to be here.

Would I make gifs again? Frankly speaking I do not remember HOW anymore…turned out it’s not like riding a bicycle.

In addition, a lot of things on Tumblr as a platform changed: the last time I made gifs it was 500px with 2mb limit. Now rules have changed and I have no clue what is the standard and where to begin.

Blog Theme is broken, I know. A lot of things needs fixing, starting from post ‘blocks’, as it appears there’s now not only photo and photoset, but also panorama - what the hell is {block:Panorama} Tumblr?! Links are broken and everything is a mess.

Please bare with me, I will try to fix it if my head will not explode of all these new additions and features.

I wouldn’t jump into conclusion that I am back (yet), but there’s some hope that I would appear on this website from time to time (would the show not go downhill again and continue be promising).

#and apologies for many many letters #i hope you all are doing great #happy return of doctor who

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nilusanimationworld · 2 years ago

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So....the KFP4 plot huh? WHEW! I really needed DAYS to process all this & uh...I think I’m finally ready to talk about it?

Also before I start saying anything please note that I may share few more EXTRA details. Where did I get the details? Welllll? I may have cheated & decided to spoil myself a bit to get more stuff out. Although I promise I’m not gonna share any images & go deep to spoil movie. To be honest I myself only managed to get like only 5% extra details. Also reason I had to spoil myself to dig this deep by talking with the person who got this stuff personally from CinemaCon is that I’ve seen a lot posts saying most of you all have GIVEN UP on the franchise after the plot news was out. Granted some of the plot is not making sense. I myself had to read like 100x to process all in. But giving up on the franchise? I still can’t do that. KFP has a special place in my heart. I’m not saying I’m here to rescue by giving you guys hope. Instead I’d highly suggest you all to keep the expectations low....LIKE REAL LOW! The higher we’re setting the bar the more disappointing results we’re gonna get. Some things so far I found does give us a little hope of light & some are well....meh?

ALSO PLEASE NOTE IF YOU DONT WANT TO GET SPOILED I’D HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM REDDIT & TWITTER FOR A WHILE! ESPECIALLY DO NOT USE THE KUNG FU PANDA 4 HASHTAG ON TWITTER

|| SPOILERS UNDER CUT ||

So first let’s just start with the villain herself. The Chameleon. Turns Kate Mckinnon is voicing the villain & her design so far is actually not bad? So far it actually looks good. Only way I could describe her looks is that she’s giving me a bit Shen mixed with bit of Viper vibes. Elegance is the only word I can describe her. Since its only a storyboard image sadly. Its not even a concept art image.

As for her abilities/powers! Ooooh I hate Dreamworks here for baiting us saying this Chameleon can ‘summon’ the old villains. I know they’re doing this for keeping this a surprise or something idk but whatever the CinemaCon fans saw are completely different from the whole summoning idea. Apparently turns out she IS THE ONE HERSELF who can turn into TAI LUNG, SHEN & KAI. SHE’S A SHAPESHIFTER! Which is no surprise since she is a Chameleon & they’re known for changing colors. So I really don’t see the point why Dreamworks made movie news blogs & reports saying & using the word “SUMMON” which is completely different from “Shapeshifting”? Another thing this is gonna disappoint a lot of Tia Lung, Shen & Kai fans because i’ve seen a lot over excited fans who are waiting for a rematch Especially a Po vs Tai Lung. I’m so sorry guys but these guys are not coming back. They originals are dead DEAD!

She’s also gonna shift into one of Po’s biggest challenger yet too. I’m not mentioning this one this is worth saving it for the movie or the trailer. I hope they save this surprise of the MOVIE ONLY

So far for me the villain actually does sound & look promising. Whoever came up with Chameleon shapeshifting idea is actually pretty darn smart. My only concern is that she doesn’t become one of jokester type villains since its Kate Mckinnon who’s voicing. So yeah...that’s the villain info

Now for the fox character Chen?Zhen?Zhan?Chan? LMAO y’all have no idea how many different spellings I had to come across to get this character info! The funny part is people are even changing the fox’s gender in some articles which is really weird because its Awkwafina who is gonna voice her. So far we only know that she’s gonna be shown as a thief first? And later as Po’s student? Her design? No idea. For now.

Judging by Awkwafina’s past animated characters like Sisu & Ms Tarantula I’m assuming the character might be some playful, sneaky, childish, cunning type of a fox character since the fox is gonna be introduced first as thief? idk this is just my thoughts? Bonus if she turns out to be some annoying teenager or young adult who would try to get on Po’s nerves during their adventure.Kinda to give Po taste of his own medicine & realize how difficult it is for Shifu & Tigress who has to deal with Po’s shenanigans.

Also I won’t be surprised if the Fox too has some very similar backstory like Po or Tigress. I’m really getting a feeling the story is gonna be about misunderstood fox who most likely could be either an orphan or abandon by family/villagers or something

Okay so now comes the plot. We all know that Po is gonna get promoted to higher master position & he has to find new Dragon Warrior...yaddy-yaddy-yadda! Apparently their gonna show Po finding Chen/Zhen/Zhan/Chan (SOMEONE PLEASE CONFIRM WHAT’S HER REAL SPELLING!) in the museum where Po is....patrolling? (i’ll be honest this info is a little confusing because I really don’t see why Po of all people is patrolling at the museum especially since now he’s in a bigger position....like why?) So after he finds her & catches her & stuff & she tells about Chameleon & later go on this adventure (Oop! Dragon Knight plot?) to city where the Chameleon resides & here comes the typical Mike Mitchell writing. Take a wild guess what the city is gonna filled with? We had got Wolves for the Gongmen City right? Now what could be MORE DANGEROUS THAN WOLVES? Hmmmmm? Well.....

LADIES & GENTLEMEN! WE’RE GONNA GET CUTE EVIL BUNNIES! WHEW....LET. THAT. SINK. IN

This really reminds me of one episode in LoA where Po had to deal with his past bully which was also a BUNNY! Funny part of that episode was that even Tigress had hard time believing Po couldn’t fight his bully bunny enemy & constantly reminded Po how tiny the bunny is which pissed & offended Mantis off. Anyways back to the main topic.

Now I’m not gonna sugar coat this one. The plot STILL very much does sound very off & very animated series level of writing. Also the person has confirmed this movie is gonna have more of comedy BUT (here’s the hopeful part or at least I’m hoping) the thing is all this info is just like 10 or 20% of the plot. There could be chances that we could still get some emotional stuff since Dreamworks is known for hiding & saving the emotional stuff strictly only for the movie. Remember Puss In Boots? The trailer gives us more of action & the idea of the plot meanwhile the scenes like Puss feeling guilty about not attending his own wedding, the anxiety scene, Goldie’s wish scene & Perrito’s back story all this was saved for the movie. So yeah I am still keeping 5% hope we do get some heavy stuff especially if this movie really does turn out to be the FINAL CHAPTER. Who knows that those storyboards were only the main stuff just to give idea & furious five too MIGHT be there during the adventure but their all split up or something? Idk man I’m just saying.

Where is Shifu? Furious Five? Po’s dads? The Other Pandas? OKAY....uh...so far uh....sadly I’ve no freaking idea where the hell are Po’s dads or the pandas? I’m just gonna assume all the pandas have settled down in Valley of Peace & living regular lives. Po’s dads I’m assuming running the restaurant? There’s sadly no info on this one. Although I really wished his dads would’ve played important role in this one since its gonna be lot difficult for Po to take in his new position & to pass his Dragon Warrior title.

As for Shifu & the Five. We are gonna get them but we’re told they’re NOT gonna be part of the adventure or what so far the storyboards was shown at Cinema Con din’t have much of them. I am still like 3% hopeful for this one since the guy mentioned these were only the boards which were shown there could be chances the changes can be made. But if the movie really is only focusing on Po, the fox & the Chameleon than I’m assuming we might get very few cut scenes of Furious Five & Shifu. Back & forth scenes like they did in KFP3. Either that or the Furious Five are having some other separate mission & hence that’s why Po decides to go solo with the fox.

THIS IS WHY!!! THIS IS WHY WE NEED A WHOLE SEPARATE FURIOUS FIVE SPIN OFF MOVIE

Now for the big question; Why isn’t Po giving his Dragon Warrior title to any from the Furious Five? Especially to Tigress?! OH BOY! When I came across the articles saying Po is gonna have to find new Dragon Warrior replacement my mind too immediately went on Tigress! HECK! EVEN MY MOM SAID THIS! Also I had the whole KFP1 movie flashed in front of my eyes Especially the scene of Tai Lung screaming at Shifu telling him about how he filled Tai Lung's head with Dragon Warrior dreams & trained him hard till his bones cracked & Shifu & The Furious Five being sour & bitter towards Po in beginning...I understand now...I FREAKING UNDERSTAND THE PAIN THEY WERE GOING THROUGH TO PROCESS THE FACT THAT THEY ALL TRAINED THE HELL OUT OF THEMSELVES FOR THIS DAMN TITLE EVEN GOING TO EXTEND THE GET THEIR BONES CRACKED & END UP GETTING NOTHING & instead some random noodle folk panda fell from the sky with no whatsoever kung fu skills gets the title...YUP I UNDERSTAND THE RAGE NOW. AND THIS SHIT IS HAPPENING ALL OVER AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD THIS DRAGON WARRIOR TITLE IS SUCH A FREAKING CURSE!! GODDAMN OOGWAY!!

BUT...BUT...Here's the thing what we also see is that Five...ESPECIALLY TIGRESS never had that desperate goal for Dragon Warrior title in the first place. We all know at this point well aware that Tigress only wanted to get the Dragon Warrior title is because she wanted to make Shifu proud but after seeing Shifu finally being more compassionate and the older playful self again thanks to Po. Tigress doesn't hold that grudge or jealousy anymore towards Po. Which same goes for the five since they were already warming up towards Po before Shifu & Tigress.

I know most of us & myself deep down all wanted Tigress to get the title since she has gone through hell the most right from her Bao Gu days but Tigress has made it very much clear that she's moved on from the whole wanting Dragon Warrior title and she's become her own warrior

Now in Tai Lung's case. Even though Tai Lung says he did all that training to make Shifu proud but it was clear that Tai Lung was already blinded & thirsty for the Dragon Warrior power the most (Thanks to Shifu). Heck! Shifu himself admits this that his pride blinded him so badly he turned Tai Lung into a monster.

So yeah I know right now we're all disappointed that Po isn't giving his title to any of the furious five but to some random fox (who is a thief...wow..nice choice Po) but let's not forget that's how even Po's story started & we'll just have to wait & watch to see Po taking Shifu's role as master & trains this fox character.

Also I’ll make a separate post on how Chen?Zhen?Zhan?Chan? (I SERIOUSLY STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HER REAL SPELLING IS) on how she could earn the Dragon Warrior title. That’s not gonna be a spoiler post that is just gonna be an analyzing post or how I can see it happening

And lastly can we trust Mike Mitchell?...OOOOOH BOY! Judging by his past projects I would say it’s a little concerning but lets not forget even Joel Crawford had made some not so very successful projects in the past as well & years later Puss In Boots 2 became one of his best & successful projects yet. I’m not so concern of Mike my main concern is what exactly happen to Jennifer Yuh Nelson for not being part of this so sudden? I remember in interview she had mentioned if she really decided to make all 6 chapters like Jeffrey Katzenberg suggested she really wanted to make a complete beautiful necklace franchise for Po’s journey! Heck to be honest the third movie itself WAS ENOUGH AS A PERFECT END TO THE CHAPTER! It really did give us a perfect trilogy I honestly don’t know why or what made them to give us fourth. This whole retiring thing & passing on torch has been a very common plot trend in most animated/anime/comic medias lately. Anyways. Too late now. Lets see how this chapter turns out.

So....uh..yeah I guess that's it? I tried my best to keep this post with some positive stuff just to you know...lighten up? The thing is we can't say much anything right now because the movie is still in beginning/mid (storyboarding) stage. Its still too early. Changes still can happen hence we cant say much yet. Jack himself mentions that its too early for the trailer. So yeah its very common at times last moments some ideas could have changes.

Only word of advice to the pandom I'm gonna give is be a little more patient. I myself needed DAYS to process & break it down. If we have waited this long we just going to have to wait a little longer. My guess on getting the first teaser we could most likely get it in... August or September (this year)? I'm calculating according to how we got Puss In Boots trailer. The trailer was released in June & the movie was released in December.

We just gonna have to play the waiting game a little long & PRAY!! LOTS & LOTS OF PRAYERS (& INNER PEACE) THIS MOVIE DOESN'T RUIN THE FRANCHISE!! That is all for now. Feel free to share your thoughts or can private DM me!

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