#than it is to actually confront my own emotions and realize that I'm not a robot

[stereax]

saw you post 'listen before you go', thought you'd enjoy this:

oh...

[microclown]

I was rewatching s1e3 and something finally clicked for me..

Please forgive me if this seems obvious to you. It helps me to type out my thoughts, but I'm sure I'm just an idiot and no one else needs this explained to them, lol. That said - I was always slightly confused by the emotional weight of the holy water arc during the flashback sequence. Particularly I was confused by how angry Crowley got when Aziraphale referred to their relationship as fraternizing in the 1862 fight. I mean, "to associate or form a friendship with someone, especially when one is not supposed to" is exactly what they are doing, right? So why the 80 year breakup?

Crowley says he wants the holy water for if "it" all goes pear shaped. The phrasing is necessarily vague, and could mean lots of things. Since I know what he eventually uses it for, I was thinking about it in the context of Armageddon, or maybe more generally and vaguely about Crowley not always choosing to go along with Hell, and associating with Aziraphale. But there was not much reason for Crowley to already be thinking about Armageddon back then.

As we know from the full diary entry Neil posted, the timeline of the Edinburgh entry, and the cut bookshop opening scene, it seems like Crowley and Aziraphale were spending A LOT of time together by the 1800's. When Crowley is pulled back down to Hell in 1827, he learns that Hell is paying more attention to him than he'd previously thought. Crowley realizes at this point that spending so much time with Aziraphale is actively putting him in real danger. He recognizes that, and instead of breaking things off, or seeing Aziraphale less, he doubles down. If this relationship is dangerous, then he wants the tools to fight for it.

That's what I think I didn't get about the holy water request. It's not just general insurance, it's specifically insurance for if Hell finds out about him and Aziraphale. It's also a super vulnerable request because in making it, Crowley is openly acknowledging how important their relationship is to him. Aziraphale casually brings up the arrangement at the beginning of the conversation, and that's part of it, right? Because the whole basis of their relationship is the arrangement. It continues to be the pretense under which they meet, despite the relationship clearly having developed beyond that. And the arrangement, as Crowley proposed it in 537, is born out of convenience, and the assumption that Heaven and Hell would never notice anyway.

Crowley's request for insurance breaks that facade. He's acknowledging that it's not convenient, or safe, but he wants to do it anyway, despite the risk.

Aziraphale, on the other hand, is not ready for the screen to be taken away so abruptly. To make it worse, he assumes Crowley wants the holy water as an escape, rather than a weapon. Suddenly he is confronted with both the danger their association poses, and the idea that Crowley might choose to take his own life. He can't imagine the guilt of being directly responsible for the latter.

I also think the strength of his own emotional response to the thought of losing Crowley catches Aziraphale off guard. He hasn't admitted to himself how much he actually cares, and it scares him. Worrying about Heaven is more comfortable and familiar, so he falls back on that and switches to "If they knew I'd been... fraternizing!"

But bringing up the threat of Heaven reads to Crowley as Aziraphale saying "You may be willing to put yourself at risk for the sake of our relationship, but I am not." The word choice of "fraternizing" comes off as a dismissive and demeaning way to describe a relationship that Crowley just admitted he would risk his life for.

It's an unintentionally deep cut when Crowley is already at his most vulnerable, and so he lashes out. As far as we've seen, this is possibly the first time Crowley has truly lashed out at Aziraphale. So yeah, 80 year breakup makes sense!

And what makes this so much worse is what happens next. Crowley reaches out again in 1941 with a dramatic gesture (rescuing Aziraphale from the Nazis, saving his books). It's clear they've missed each other. They don't discuss the fight, but it's there subtextually. Aziraphale, tentatively and thrillingly, refers to them as friends, for the first time ever. He tells Crowley that he trusts him.

And then, that very same night their worst fears are confirmed. Just when they've finally reconciled a fight over the dangers of their relationship, and just when Aziraphale has finally admitted that it is not a relationship of convenience, but genuine friendship, they are exposed. Crowley is going to face punishment from Hell, explicitly for being Aziraphale's "trusted confident", and he doesn't have insurance. If Aziraphale's trick hadn't succeeded, Crowley would have had no way to protect himself.

idk it just makes me feel things ok

[the-lying-heavens]

"Pick One Moment"

[Spencer Reid x fem!reader]

Masterlist

Summary: A rough case in Dayton, Ohio brings unexpected emotions to the surface for you, forcing you to confront feelings you'd been hiding for years—feelings for Spencer Reid.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, moment of awkwardness

Word Count: 2.0k words

A/N: just based on the lyric 'And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you...I love you' from the song Something Stupid by Frank Sinatra because it's been stuck in my head. I've been planning to write Spence for a while but I've been intimidated.

Staying professional in Dayton, Ohio proved to be a challenge.

It had been a rough case, but what case wasn't, right? Just have to wrap this one up and you can go back to your house and dog.

Okay, fine, this wasn't like most cases at all, not to you anyway. This one had hit particularly close to home. And you didn't like that one bit.

This made you more short-tempered than usual, even snapping at a witness. After a lengthy lecture from Hotch, I mean from the look on his face you would think you had insulted him, he had 'benched' you by having you go through old files that might be related to the UnSub.

Hey, at least you got to do it with Spencer.

After working with him for so many years, you grew quite fond of him. Too fond maybe.

You stared at him going through files with a speed that should not have been human. 20,000 words at a minute, and you thought you were a fast reader.

"Got anything yet, Boy Genius?" you asked, flipping the page of your own file.

He looked up at you. God those eyes...

"No. This one isn't even related to it." he dropped the file on the table.

"Didn't you read the entire thing?"

"Yes," he replied, "It was interesting."

"You find everything interesting."

"Not true," he protested.

You rubbed your eyes, sighing. "Sure, Spence."

He tilted his head at you, a look of concern on his face. Adorable.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

You considered lying, you had been doing that the entire time you had arrived in Dayton after all, but decided against it. "Not really."

"Is it about your family? I thought this case might bring up some bad memories."

You couldn't help but smile at how quickly he had gotten it. "Yeah, something like that."

"Can I help?"

"Can you make memories go poof?"

He actually seemed to ponder it. "No. I'm not sure why you would want to."

"You never wish that you could just forget the bad stuff?" You knew what he had been through, you had seen quite a bit of it.

His brows furrowed. "I don't like the idea of forgetting anything. I mean, Mom forgets enough so I remember for her too."

You realized your mistake and winced. "Spence... God, sorry."

"It's okay," he reassured you. "You're remembering a dark time in your life, it can be overwhelming. Also explains you snapping at the witness, with your nerves on edge."

"Yeah?" You grinned. "It was going to be Morgan but the asshole left before I could. So collateral damage."

He laughed. "He's outside if you want to insult him now. I don't want to be collateral damage too."

"You? Never."

"Never?"

"Never," you repeated.

Oh, how you loved his lopsided grins. "Thank you."

"Always." If you could pick one moment to live in forever, it probably would've been that one.

Minus JJ coming through the door right then. "We got something."

You wanted to throw a file at her. Instead, you get up with a heavy sigh. The sooner you get this done the better, you had to remember that.

~~~

The BAU was heading back to Washington tomorrow, so you could leave this far far behind. Finally. This case taking up two weeks of your life was enough.

You sat at a cafe next to the hotel where you were staying. It was a cozy little place with a mostly brown interior and warm lighting. The scent of freshly brewed coffee and warm pastries filled the air.

You sipped your drink, feeling the cup's warmth in your hands. You had been coming here for the past few days and you had to admit, you would miss this place.

Just then, the door opened, and in walked someone you recognized, glancing around the room before spotting you. With a smile, Spencer made his way over, pulling out a chair across from you.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked.

You smiled back, gesturing to the seat. "Not at all."

He sat down and looked around. "So this is where you disappear to?"

You hummed in confirmation. "it's a nice place to think."

He stared at you for a while before nodding thoughtfully.

"What?" you sipped your coffee.

"Just... Are you feeling better?"

You shrugged. "Yeah, UnSubs behind bars. What more could I want?"

"Closure," he replied quietly.

You pressed your lips together tightly. "It's fine Spence. I'm alright with it."

"I don't think you are."

"Spencer," you said, a hint of warning in your voice, "You want to help, I get it. But not with this. Okay?"

It was an unspoken thing, the way Spencer always seemed to know when you needed space and when you needed someone to push just a little. He respected your boundaries, but there were moments—like this one—when his concern slipped through the cracks.

He sat across from you in that quiet cafe, watching you. You couldn’t tell if he was waiting for you to speak or if he was just giving you the time to process, as he always did.

It had been a rough case, yes, but that wasn’t why you were still here, staring into your coffee like it held all the answers.

Your eyes flickered up to meet his. He was still staring at you, quietly, as if he could see past your walls.

"Spence," you said, your voice quieter than you intended, "I’m fine. Really."

He didn’t respond immediately. His hand rested on the edge of the table, and you could see him fiddling with his fingers. That subtle nervousness he only ever seemed to show when he wasn’t sure what to say, but he knew he needed to say something.

"I don't believe you," he murmured, his voice soft but insistent. “I’ve seen you too many times to believe that everything’s okay, especially when it’s not. You’ve been holding it in, and I know that—"

"Spencer—" you started, but you were too late. He was already talking over you, his voice getting faster.

"Please. I just want to make sure you're alright, okay?" He sighed, his eyes briefly darting away before looking back at you. “I just... I care about you."

Everything felt very... loud. Too loud.

He looked at you expectantly, almost uncertain. Maybe, just maybe, he was waiting for you to make the first move.

You cleared your throat. God, you really hated moments like this, when everything inside you seemed to tremble at the prospect of just being honest.

His hand shifted on the table, and before you could stop it, you had reached out to touch his fingers. It was the smallest of gestures—barely noticeable—but it was enough.

For a long moment, you simply looked at each other, the conversation hanging in the air. There was so much unspoken between you, so much left unsaid. Maybe that was the problem.

Before you could stop yourself, the words spilled out of you, quicker than you could catch them. "I love you."

Spencer's face went completely still, his eyes wide as he processed your confession.

You had not meant to say that. You didn’t. It was an accident. You weren’t ready. You weren’t ready to put that kind of pressure on this, on him, on whatever this was.

But the words had slipped out anyway. You stared at him, feeling the heat rise in your face, hoping the ground would swallow you up.

"Sorry-God, I'm sorry," you quickly got up and rushed out of the cafe.

He just sits there. Frozen.

If you could pick one moment to rewind, it would be this one.

Oh, you fucked up big time.

~~~

You had never been more ready to get home, but unfortunately, there was an hour and thirty minutes on the private plane. With him.

Usually, you would spend an entire flight, after a case well done, talking to Spence. But after yesterday? But not this time. Maybe not ever.

You could feel Spencer’s presence beside you, but he was quiet. So quiet. Not the usual playful banter, no sudden bursts of random trivia or observations. It was almost like he was giving you space... or maybe he was just too uncomfortable to say anything.

Your eyes flickered to him once, twice, each time hoping for some indication of what he was thinking. He was staring out the window, a far-off look in his eyes, his fingers curled loosely around a book in his lap. For a moment, you almost felt the pull to apologize again, but the last thing you wanted to do was make him feel obligated to comfort you. You had put your foot in it already. Now, it was time to ride this out and pray it didn't become permanently awkward.

But Spencer, as always, was unpredictable.

"You don’t have to apologize," he said, his voice quiet, but it still carried across the cabin, cutting through the engine's hum.

You stiffened, eyes fixed on your lap. Had you been that obvious?

"I wasn’t going to," you said, a little too defensively.

He didn’t respond right away. You could feel him looking at you, the weight of his gaze making you want to curl into yourself.

“You know I care about you, right?” He said it so gently, like he wasn’t sure how you were going to take it.

You felt your chest tighten. Care about you. Those words. He was still speaking, still looking at you, but it was hard to focus on his words because everything was spinning around that one sentence.

"I do," you replied. You had to stop yourself from saying more—there was more you wanted to say, needed to say—but you couldn’t. Not yet. Not until you figured out where your head was at, where you both were at.

Spencer shifted in his seat. He didn’t look hurt, but there was something in the way he held himself. Maybe he was just holding back, afraid to push too hard, afraid of what that push might break.

You finally took a breath and turned to face him. He was still watching you, his expression a mix of concern and... something else. It was the something else that had you questioning everything.

"You don’t have to say anything," you added quickly, "I just...said something stupid. I didn’t mean to make things weird."

Spencer didn’t break his gaze, but a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Not his usual goofy grin, but something softer. More real. Something... intimate.

"It’s not weird," he said, his voice still quiet, "You’re not the only one who gets nervous around here, you know."

You blinked at him, genuinely confused. "What do you mean?"

His smile flickered, a small laugh escaping him before he adjusted his posture and leaned back in his seat. He seemed less tense, more at ease, "I’m just saying... I’ve had my own share of... feelings. I just didn’t know how to... deal with them."

Your breath caught in your throat. Spencer had feelings? For you?

The question hovered between you like an unspoken truth, but it seemed too risky to ask outright. Instead, you glanced down at your hands, the heat rising in your face.

And then, finally, you said something else, the words coming out quieter than you intended: "Do you think... we can just... forget it happened?"

You almost expected him to shrug it off, to offer a playful remark about how awkward it was or how maybe you'd both laugh about it someday. But he didn’t do that.

"No," he said softly. "I think maybe... we should talk about it. When we’re ready."

Your heart fluttered. Was this... was this him telling you he was ready? That maybe he wanted to figure it out too? Or was this Spencer, as usual, just giving you a window to process everything at your own pace?

You weren’t sure. You weren’t sure of anything. But you couldn’t deny the weight of his words, the connection that had always been there and that seemed to grow stronger the more time you spent together.

"I’m not great at talking about feelings," you admitted, looking over at him sheepishly.

Spencer chuckled softly, a breath of amusement. "Yeah, I’ve noticed."

You gave him a sidelong glance, your lips twitching into a reluctant grin. “Smartass.”

"Hey, you started it," he teased, finally breaking the tension just a little. "And I’ll finish it. But not right now. I think... we both need time to think."

You nodded slowly. He was right. You both needed time. The last thing either of you needed was to make rash decisions while emotions were still running high.

"You’re not mad?" You asked it before you could stop yourself, the doubt creeping in.

"Mad? Why would I be mad?" Spencer’s face was open and sincere.

"I don’t know. I just..." You didn’t finish your sentence. What was there to say? How could you explain the mess of emotions you were still trying to sort out?

He reached out across the seat, almost as if he was testing the waters, and placed a hand gently on yours. The touch was brief, but it sent a spark of warmth through you.

"I’m not mad," he said again, more firmly this time. "Not for that."

You were both quiet for the rest of the flight, but the silence between you felt different—more like an understanding, like a promise that when the time was right, you’d figure it out together.

It wasn't the one moment you would pick to stay in forever, but it was a moment you didn't mind being in for the rest of the flight.

[cordeliawhohung]

Real Talk.

Hi. I wish I had good news, but I don't. This is going to get very venty and probably triggering, so I apologize in advance, but I don't want to just vanish.

I've made the decision to private pretty much everything on my account here on tumblr, and I am heavily fighting the urge to delete everything off of my AO3. I realize that I'm sort of self destructing, in a way, and I'm trying very hard not to just toss everything into the void lest I come to regret it later, but here we are.

Things in my IRL have not been great, and they haven't been good for a long while. I started up this blog a little over a year ago at the crux of my depression, fighting off extreme suicidal ideation and untreated PTSD. On top of that, I had to support my mother through marrying her abuser and watching her slowly lose herself while I helped assisted in taking care of my kid brother, and helped my other brothers through their battles with addiction. Like everyone else in the world, I've had a lot on my plate. So much so to the point that my anxiety and stress is making me sick.

For the first time in a very long time, I had picked up writing again and found it to be a wonderful outlet to really get my feelings out in a safe way. It was so freeing being able to be in control of everything, and explore the very real and scary emotions that people have otherwise wanted me to snuff out. I wish I could snuff it out. I have had no choice but to feel everything I wish I could run away from, but at least this way I was the one dictating everything. Even through the pain and the last few months of pure disassociation, this was mine.

Now, I hate it. I hate it all. I can hardly stand looking at these stories or anything I write.

I am not going to share names; and please do not go looking for this person or harass them as I'd quite frankly rather kill myself than have another glimimp situation and would probably just actually delete all my works; but something that really kicked this up was someone plagiarizing one of my works. While not exactly copy and pasted, I could compare pretty much every line they wrote to my own work. I do not mind people taking inspiration from my works, but the fact someone took it upon themselves to essentially create a "fix-it-fic" of my work was honestly the last straw for me, I think. And to just regurgitate half of what I had written like some high schooler summarizing a story?

"Kore, did you try talking to them?" The idea of confrontation actually makes me want to throw up and considering the actual issues I have going on in my real life, I don't see how it's worth getting up in arms over fanfiction. Believe it or not, I'm not really good with words, and I end up making a fool of myself and coming off way different than I intend to half the time (blame the autism I guess). And I know for a fact that it won't change the fact that I still hate it. My works. Everything I write. I want it gone. I want to purge it.

I hate The Prowl and TMTIV. I can't see myself writing for them anymore. I've tried. I had to force out the last chapter of The Prowl only to just not even be able to edit it. (Yeah when that anon sent me that ask about The Prowl? "When are you updating it next?" I literally had the rough draft finished when they sent that and was trying to edit it, and now I don't even want to look at it anymore).

And this sucks because I really do enjoy sharing my stories with you guys, but it's just not fun anymore. And if it's not fun, then why do I keep doing it? And I feel bad, especially to my patreon supporters because I definitely didn't deserve the support when I started that up, and I certainly don't deserve it anymore, but I really need to step away. For a good, long while.

I don't like dealing in certainties, which is why I'm privating everything on here rather than deleting my blog, because maybe one day I'll come back and continue. But right now it's really not healthy for me. This place has grown to become so toxic. I think I'll start focusing on original works instead. Ones I may or may not post to Patreon just... depending, I guess. Writing is still so lovely and I don't want to lose it, but I certainly can't keep it here for now.

I want to apologize to my followers, and my mutals. I cherish every kind message you all have sent to me. I appreciate how considerate you all are, and I'm sorry I don't have the energy to respond half the time. I've deleted tumblr off of my phone, so to the mutuals who want to keep in contact with me, feel free to ask for my discord or something. I'll try to get on to check tumblr every now and then for that.

In the end, I really hope this is just me having some stupid mental breakdown, and that this isn't a forever goodbye, but we'll see.

I'll hopefully be back someday (: if not, I'm sorry and I still love you.

[copperbadge]

hi, i had a medium to big question. in your post about the adhd self-help book you mentioned people with adhd being conditioned to be nonconfrontational, but i've never once in my entire life connected the two? can you break down the connection for me so that i can once again (this week, even) have my understanding of my own condition blown wide open?

So, you are not the only person to ask about this, but that's on me for being unclear -- I wasn't trying to assert that kids with ADHD are automatically conditioned to be nonconfrontational, I was more trying to be like "Hey not everyone needs lessons in medical self-advocacy but a lot of nonconfrontational people do." And I think there is a higher population of people with neurodivergence who are deeply confrontation-averse, but I don't have like, numbers for that, it's just an assumption based on other knowledge.

It gets complicated; ADHD is a disease based heavily in acting impulsively against your best interests. But yeah I do think people with ADHD are often conditioned to avoid confrontation because of two main factors: rejection-sensitive dysphoria and executive dysfunction.

RSD, which I hate perhaps more than any other symptom or behavior associated with ADHD, automatically kicks our nervous system into high gear in social situations and encodes embarrassing moments in our memory with high-def clarity. Because RSD naturally causes a level of anxiety around socialization, it tends to make us nonconfrontational simply because a) we don't want to be yelled at, b) we don't want to embarrass ourselves by getting emotional about something that may not warrant it, and c) by the time we realize what's happening our body is already on high alert which means we are likely to go into fight-flight-freeze mode.

Me, I freeze, usually, but none of those three options are great for fast thinking during an argument. I used to lose arguments a lot simply because I couldn't think or react as fast as the neurotypical person I was fighting with, so I simply stopped having fights. Notably, I did not have this problem when fighting with my brother, who is also neurodivergent and has many of the same freeze reactions I do.

If people disagree with me, even when I know I'm right I also know I probably won't be able to vocalize it properly, so I back down. Usually it's trivial so it doesn't matter, and I've gotten strategic about how and when I argue about things that do matter; it's also a lot easier to do with strangers or professionals (like doctors) where I don't have to worry about long-term social repercussions. But yeah, our own nervous system tells us "hey maybe don't pick this fight" about every single fight and if we do pick that fight, it treats our opponent as a dangerous predator.

Executive dysfunction's interaction with nonconfrontation is something I have less problem with because while I do have poor executive function, I've spent a lot of time and energy training myself to cover the Important Stuff. I have mild ADHD so I'm capable of this; I'm not trying to say everyone with ADHD is, because lord knows it's exhausting for me and I've been doing it for roughly thirty years. But essentially, I cover where it counts: if someone needs me to do something I do it, I meet deadlines, I pay bills.

So with that disclaimer in place, a very common issue especially for children with undiagnosed ADHD is that they'll be told or asked to do something and simply be unable to begin or complete it, then when they're asked why they didn't do it they can't explain. Even if they try to explain that they simply couldn't, like they were incapable of doing it for reasons they don't understand, that usually doesn't hold water with a lot of parents and teachers.

"I couldn't bring myself to write this essay," is actually something I told myself a few times in college, but it's not something I'd bother trying to tell someone else, because if you think you're neurotypical that sounds very insane. So I'd lie and say I forgot, or I'd take the fail, or I'd simply drop out of the class. Crucially I would not fight with the authority figure who was questioning me about it, because I knew I wouldn't be able to explain myself, and I'd just end up getting in more trouble for longer.

Our culture is structured for neurotypicals, and it's not even structured for all neurotypicals. Behavior that deviates from Approved Neurotypical even when you think you are Approved Neurotypical is highly punishable. So if your options are passivity, even when passivity leads to pain, or confrontation, most people who aren't Approved Neurotypical will opt for passivity once they've had a taste of where confrontation leads. I know I do.

And the thing is, there's nothing actually wrong with that. It's a strategy calculated to minimize pain. Even when I'm firing on all cylinders on a fresh dose of Adderall, I still generally let fights go unless there will be actual real consequences, because it's just not worth it. But knowing we have ADHD and knowing we fall into this pattern, I think it is good to be aware that sometimes letting a fight go is really going to fuck you, and at that point even being bad at it is better than not engaging.

I'm pretty good at calculating those, but it's a lifelong process, knowing which hills to die on when you assume you will automatically die if you ever get above sea level.

[linkspooky]

Megumi Will Start the Merger Theory

You heard me. I know this sounds wild and out of left field, but it's just a theory. A Jujutsu Kaisen theory. I fully acknowledge it might not happen, but please stick around long enough for me to argue why I think Megumi's character may go in this direction.

This one is for all the Megumi corruption arc truthers out there. I came up with this theory when it became clear that saving Megumi from Sukuna's grasp was going to be more difficult than just giving him a motivational speech, or punching Sukuna until their souls separated. Furthermore, I believe that Jujutsu Kaisen's manga won't end with the defeat of Sukuna. There will be one more curve ball thrown at us by Gege in the late game, and this is me trying to anticipate the pitch before the baseball hits me in the face. Underneath the cut I will speculate on the direction that Gege may take Megumi's arc, the relationship between Sukuna and Megumi, and Yuji's role in the finale.

What is a Corruption Arc?

Before digging in too deep I want to explain what I mean when I say I'm a Megumi corruption arc truther. A character arc is a story arc in regards to a character where a character changes from beginning to end. That's the most basic definition, arcs can be more complex, some arcs are actually inversions of the standard character arc where a character is defined by his lack of change.

However, those still need some element change, sometimes characters around them change to show contrast. For example, Eren is a stagnant character from beginning to end in Attack on Titan, but characters like Mikasa, Armin, Jean all grow up to show by comparison how little Eren has grown. Sometimes circumstances change around a character, and their lack of growth is a failure to adapt to those circumstances.

A character arc requires a change, but it's not necessarily a positive change. Often called negative character development, these characters regress instead of grow. This happens in many ways. One of the most basic examples of a character arc is a want / need arc. A want / need arc shows an emotional hole in the protagonist's life that needs repairing and how resolving the plot allows them to fill that hole. The protagonist usually knows what they need, but they know what they want, and often what they want won't actually fix them.

For example if I'm feeling sad I want to eat donuts to lift my mood, but what I need to do is learn healthier ways to work through my negative emotions. A character who keeps pursuing what they want, instead of realizing what they need won't grow, that's negative character development.

That's just one example though, Gege gave us a blueprint for a corruption arc in Hidden Inventory.

In Yu Yu Hakusho the character Sensui (directly cited by Gege as his inspiration for Geto in an interview) once was a spirit detective like the protagonist. No one describes him as corrupt from the beginning, in fact he's constantly described as more pure and upstanding than delinquent Yusuke Urameshi who likes getting into fights. He has a strong sense of justice, but rigid black and white views that come with it. Once he's confronted with evidence that directly contradicts his demons bad, humans good paradigm he cannot cope, and the narrative all but states Sensui's purity traditionally a good trait corrupted him because of his inability to adapt and his rigidity in in his beliefs.

Sensui goes through a corruption arc, albeit one offscreen and mainly referred to in backstory.

Geto's happens onscreen in its own story arc where he is one of two main characters. Much like Sensui he's presented to us as a sorcerer like Gojo, but unlike Gojo he believes sorcerers are obligated by duty to protect non-sorcerers who have no way of fighting against curses. You could argue that in some ways Geto and Gojo are the same type of jerk, but Geto's principles are clearly set up to contrast Gojo who at that age only was a sorcerer to flex his abilities. Geto's friendship often has him lecturing Gojo about respecting others, paying special attention to Gojo's feelings in ways that other characters don't, and also not being afraid to clash with Gojo over differences in morals.

If Geto is corrupt from the beginning there's no arc there, so he's clearly set up as being the moral fiber to contrast Gojo. We are literally presented with a scene where Gojo admits he could kill the non-sorcerers who hired a bounty hunter to assasinate Riko and feel nothing, and relies on Geto to make a moral judgement in his place, that society will already punish them and their slaughter is pointless.

The irony is that later, Geto will engage in pointless slaughter killing an entire town in retribution for their abuse of Nanako and Mimiko. When Gojo confronts him about his actions, Gojo cites the same reasoning that Geto provided him to stop him from killing the cult members.

That Geto's murder of innocent civilians is pointless, because it won't achieve anything - his world of sorcerers is out of reach. Geto's clearly positioned as Gojo's moral tether, because he cites Geto's statement of only killing when there's meaning to it right back at him.

This is also where the corruption part of his corruption arc comes in, a change has taken place here. Geto hypocritically contradicts his earlier words, not just engaging in meaningless slaughter but also punishing people with his own hands instead of letting the justice systems in place take care of the punishments. Two things he held Gojo back from doing, only to do himself post corruption arc.

You could cite many things as the reason for Geto's corruption arc, but the common theme shared with Sensui is resistance to change. Geto saw the world in two distinct categories strong / weak, the same way Sensui saw humans good / demons bad. When Geto is shown that weak people are capable of bonding together to oppress strong people (the cult) and that sorcerers despite having strength are on the losing end of their society (they are expected to risk their lives and toil endlessly for curses 99% of the population can't even see), he cannot cope.

He especially cannot cope with the reality that Rika's death showed him, that he is not strong as he once believed. All of this combined leads Geto to double down, still seeing strong and weak as separate categories but now blaming normal citizens for the inherent corruption inside the Jujutsu World. Notice how Gojo a character with positive development seeks to reform from inside the Jujutsu World instead.

Geto also still wants to think of himself in the strong category, rather than facing the feelings that Riko's death and his helplessness in that moment gave him, as well as Gojo pulling he instead decides to double down on the idea that he's in the strong category, that he's superior.

Geto even remarks jealousy at Gojo's godlike power for the first time, when before this he's always been the only person to treat Gojo as an equal - because Geto doubling down on his superiority complex begins imagining himself above others and therefore untouchable by trauma. It's also a grab for agency, because in this world sorcerers are rather agenciless, forced to be cogs in an unfair system. Geto incorrectly assumes agency = power. If he possessed Gojo's power he would be able to grab his agency back (which is simply incorrect because Gojo is one of the most agenciless characters in the manga, defined by his rigid role as the lynchpin of society).

Geto also doesn't mature. A mature adult lives in the world, and accepts that the world is imperfect. Geto is remarked as childish, first by Shoko when they are smoking together "sulking because no one understands you... sounds awfully childish if you ask me", and then by Yuta "You think you're a god? You sound like a kid!"

So we have, refusal to grow up, refusal to adapt to a complex world, resistance to grief, and grabbing for agency and power instead of fixing an issue inside himself - all of these combine to make the Jenga Tower that is Geto Suguru collapse.

The central question of Geto's arc, spoken by Gojo to Yaga is "Is it possible to save someone who doesn't want to be saved?"

If Geto refuses all help, refuses to admit that he's wrong, and does not want to change then what really can Gojo do in this situation? Was he right to give up? Did he give up too early, refusing to kill Geto but also spending ten years just ignoring the problem until Geto attacked in Jujutsu Kaisen Zero? Did it not matter what Gojo did because ultimately Geto's choices are his own?

There's no clear answer, because it's a question the author is asking the audience to ponder. It's also a question directly set up for Megumi to answer, because when Gojo is unable to do a thing for Geto we see his next action is to seek out Megumi. His words imply that he sees Megumi in Geto and advises him not to be left behind, he also clearly became a teacher in order to not let what happened between him and Geto repeat in the next generation.

In spit of Gojo's best intentions, he's not able to protect Megumi from any of Sukuna's designs toward him, or basically anything that happens in post Shibuya's. Simply raising Megumi to be strong, did not prevent him from suffering trauma in his youth on Geto's level.

There's even a deliberate parallel, they both witness the death of an innocent who they promised to protect (Tsumiki, Riko Amanai) and they both have had their body taken from them, Geto's corpse is turned into a literal puppet to help advance Kenjaku's plans, Sukuna steals Megumi's body in order to revive himself in the modern era. They're both even used as tools against Gojo, Kenjaku uses Geto's body to awaken memories in Gojo and complete the sealing. Sukuna uses Mahoraga to learn the world splitting slash that cuts through Gojo's defenses.

Megumi also has a set of values that society spits in the face of. Megumi wishes to selfishly protect his sister, and pick and choose who to save. Geto believes the strong are obligated to protect the weak. Geto sees weak people who are corrupt and not worthy of his protection and also the reality that sorcerers are the exploited class, Megumi is forced to kill Tsumiki with his own hands.

These are intentional narrative parallels to show the risk of Megumi may walk the same path as Geto, especially since Megumi is in many ways a pure child like Geto himself.

Dark Phoenix Arc

There's one more corruption arc I want to compare Megumi's too, to give some idea of where I expect Megumi's arc to lead.

The Dark Phoenix Saga commonly refers to the story in Uncanny X-Men #129 - 138 of Jean Grey’s corruption by the power of the Phoenix and the Hellfire Club. It was considered incredibly shocking for its time. One thing to note is while Jean Grey is famous nowadays, in early X-Men she was the weakest character and her role was basically limited to “The Woman” of the team.

Elevating the helpless damsel woman to the most powerful member of the team, if not the entire universe and then having her turn evil had never been done before. It was a jaw-dropping shock at the time. 

The reason I am citing the Dark Phoenix arc as an example, is because both Jean Grey and Megumi's character arc revolves around themes of agency, how it's stolen from them and how they reclaim it.

The basic summary of the Phoenix arc is that Jean Grey is initially given a massive power boost when she's possessed by the Phoenix. She stays behind on a crashing ship only to be saved by the Phoenix, a guardian, alien entity of immense power that was locked away in a crystal. Jean Grey returns as Phoenix with a massive power boost, but there's several ambiguous elements that compromise her agency. It's implied that Jean Grey always had a tremendous power that was in part sealed away by Professor Xavier using his telepathy (infringing on her agency) and that while the Phoenix gifted Jean Grey power, it's also an alien entity effecting her mind and body.

On top of that when she acquires the power, outside forces begin wanting to manipulate Jean in order to gain her power for their own ends.

A group called the Hellfire club begin to psychically tamper with her mind. They trap her in hallucination world where she is a woman of the 1800s, (not famously known for their agency) and in love with the leader of the Hellfire Club, even going so far as to give her false memories in order to convince her that this is reality.

The concept of agency and how it's constantly infringed upon, even by someone who's supposed to be on her side (Xavier) is central to this arc. Jean evetually escapes from the Hellfire club's manipulation, and reclaims her bodily autonomy but the story does not end there.

The subtle changes in Jean's behavior still continue, even after Jean has freed herself from the mind control. Is this the result of being given too much power at once? Is Jean losing control because she was never taught to properly handle her powers?

Jean Grey is also the character with the strongest potential in the main cast (much like Megumi) and also a character who's been prevented from using her powers to their full potential and even had her powers stolen and used by others (Much like Megumi).

It's heavily important that Jean's corruption into dark phoenix happens after freeing herself, and in response to the Hellfire club's machination to take all agency away from her. Jean instead makes a grab for power and agency by abusing her power as Dark Phoenix.

Jean even mentions that turning against her friends and trying to kill them as Dark Phoenix, will sever the last tie holding her back, will get of Jean Grey for good and cause her to fully embrace being Phoenix.

Jean has flipped entirely, overembracing the power and agency that has been stolen from her again and again, but really how could someone not desperately try to take back control of their lives after being mind controlled or having their mind violated multiple times (the phoenix itself, the hellfire club, even by Xavier).

How can someone never allowed to use her power, or given choices on how to use her power, not be corrupted when after being stepped on all of their lives the power of a god is dropped into their lap?

This is why I believe Megumi will be the one to initiate the merger, because his entire arc has been about having his power stolen away from him and what would Megumi do when given total power over the merger by Kenjaku?

Megumi Corruption Theory

The biggest piece of evidence for this theory is right here, Kenjaku specifically says to give Megumi Fushiguro the authority to start the merger.

There's a technical reason for this, Sukuna is currently in Megumi's body, and Sukuna himself was actually registered in Yuji's place because Yuji was built by Kenjaku to be a cage for Sukuna.

However, it can also be read as foreshadowing. If you believe like I do that the merger has to happen, then Sukuna can't be the one to initiate it. The simple reason why is that the main characters will have to be alive to fight against a merger, and Sukuna has set the condition that he'll start the merger after killing the main cast in order to motivate them to fight him with everything they have.

If Sukuna is going to start the merger after killing all the main characters, then he can't be the one to start the merger because the main characters have to be alive to witness the merger take place and fight against it somehow.

Therefore, logically if the merger is going to occur the only person who could possibly activate it is Megumi Fushiguro after reclaiming his body.

There's more foreshadowing then this one instance however, and a lot of it revolves around Sukuna and Megumi's unique relationship and Sukuna's role as a character.

As for why Megumi would possibly start out the merger, it's the same as Jean Grey, a character denied of agency suddenly has all the power in his hands, who wouldn't be corrupted? Especially Megumi, a character who's just been robbed of his sister and his mentor, and his purpose in life besides that (protecting Tsumiki)? Why wouldn't he lash out if suddenly given the power to? His friends are trying to save him yes, but Megumi is begging those save friends not to save him to end it all.

How do you save someone who isn't prepared to be saved?

How is the story going to answer that question, if saving Megumi is a matter as simple as just beating up Sukuna and giving his body back to him?

Onto analyzing more foreshadowing, but first a brief tangent on the nature of foreshadowing in Jujutsu Kaisen. Every major twist in the manga is foreshadowed far in advance. Kenjaku beng the one to possess Geto's body - foreshadowed by Kenjaku killing Mechamaru when Geto was against killing young sorcerers, and the fact Geto was deliberately killed onscreen with no explanation provided to the audience on how he could possibly revive.

Sukuna calls the purpose of the bath to be near evil, to submerge Megumi's soul.

If saving Megumi is just a matter of ridding him of Sukuna's possession however, then how does that allow Megumi to reclaim his agency? What agency does a damsel in distress who just exists to be rescued have?

Megumi's entire arc has been defined by the potential power that everyone sees in him, and his inability to reach that power especailly since other characters (especially Sukuna) seek to steal that power for their own ends. In the culmination of this arc, Sukuna literally steals Megumi's body, and his bodily agency.

How does Megumi finally live up to that potential if Megumi's arc ends with him being saved by Yuji? How does this make Megumi grow or change in any way?

Sensui, who is once again Gege's model of a corruption arc is referred to as a pure angel that was inevitably grew scarred and defiled, by his close personal confidant Itsuki. Not only that, but sinking deep into despair made him grow stronger not weaker.

Itsuki is also, a demon who met and encountered Sensui and then took a deeply invested perosnal interest in watching Sensui be corrupted in real time.

Megumi also has a curse that took a sole interest in him because of his talent and potential, then had a hand in bringing him closer to evil in order to make him sink into despair. There's once again the symbolism of purity being corrupted.

This panel explicitly shows white lilies (symbols of purity) being torn apart and blackened to symbolize what Sukuna wishes to do to Megumi in order to further is own ends.

There's also the heavy budhist symbolism with Sukuna's role in the story, and the way he influences the rest of the cast, especially Gojo Satoru who is our stand-in for the Budha. If the goal of Jujutsu Society is to attain enlightenment (escape cursed energy probably the only thing that will end the miserable lives of sorcerers), then the merger represents the opposite, Kenjaku's goal of optimizing cursed energy by mixing humans, sorcerers and curses to give birth to a new being.

That's also a conflict that needs to be resolved, but Sukuna by pushing forward the optimizing of cursed energy and representing the peak of sorcery living only for sorcerery and his own strength represents a Mara.

Sukuna is comparable to the Celestial Demon Mara in budhist mythology, more on it in this thread. In budhist cosmology, Mara is the “personification of the forces antagonistic to enlightenment.”

If the ultimate goal of budhism is to escape the cycle entirely and stop being reborn in the sensuous realm, Maara instead tempts people to stay in this realm. it defines impernanence by suggesting we stay in this realm forever. It defies Dukha by saying we indulge in physical pleasures in this realm, that we should seek to satisfy ourselves even if budhism argues that life is primarily unsatisfactory.

We even see Sukuna literally tempt a budha-like figure into remaining in this earthly realm. After all aren’t we shown that Gojo achieved enlightenment at seventeen and let go of earthly emotions like the need to be angry and avenge Riko’s killer because the feeling of oneness with existence was too good in that moment.

A lot of people noticed what they thought was Gojo acting out of character in the fight with him and Sukuna, by enjoying the fight and choosing his selfish desire to love jujutsu and fight as a sorcerer over his responsibiltiy to protect children. Something which Nanami says in his dying hallucination that Gojo only ever lived for the pursuit of his selfish desire for Jujutsu in the first place.

Gojo in his last fight against Sukuna forgets about saving Megumi or at least makes it a lesser priority, because Sukuna tempts him to do what he's always wanted to go all out in a sorcery fight and have the freedom to use his powers to the best of his ability. Hoewever, even after using his full strength, Sukuna cuts down the notion that he is above humanity and drags him back to the earth - literally calling him unenlightened.

“This is goodbye. You were born in an era without me and hailed as the strongest yet you turned out to be painfully ordinary…”

Does Sukuna not represent this temptation for all characters? Sukuna represents the selfish ideal of sorcerers, using his powers for himself to satisfy his hedonistic desires and because of this he has the most agency in the story and the story at times even bends to his desires.

Characters even fight for Sukuna's recognition, Hajime, Jogo and Gojo are validated by that same recognition in theend.

Why wouldn't Gojo and more importantly Megumi who are characters with very little agency not jump at the chance to be more like Sukuna, especially if it brings Sukuna the freedom he possesses?

Itsuki refers to himself as Senseui's shadows, leading him to act on his darkest impulses and enjoying watching the corruption spread. Megumi is literally a character who's Jujutsu revolves around his shadow, and summoning powerful Shikigami from it in order to fight. A character with an incomplete domain expansion (another loose plot thread with Megumi that would be unresolved if Megumi were simply saved) which is his own creation, which might surpass Mahoraga the technique handed to him.

In addition to being a Mara, Sukuna is also literally called the "fallen / disgraced one". Itsuki calls Sensui a fallen agel, but in the context of Jujutsu Kaisen there's literally a character called Angel, who's only goal is to save Megumi's soul, and there is a satan figure in Sukuna who wants to corrupt him. Literally, there's an angel and devil on Megumi's shoulder.

How is stealing Megumi's body corruption though? Megumi's not being tempted into being selfish. He's not responsible for any of the sins that Sukuna commits in his body. There's no arc there, because Megumi doesn't reclaim his agency in response to having it stolen away, he doesn't decide to do the bad things himself - it's Sukuna who commits the wrongs.

Even More Setup for the End Game

Here's where I stop referencing Yu Yu Hakusho and only use foreshadowing in the comic itself. The first is the discussion of roles, and how Yuji needs to break away from them, as much as Megumi needs to fight for his agency back.

Part of the reason Sukuna jumped bodies is because Yuji wanted to be given an easy role like a character in a story - rather than thinking and deciding for himself. He thanks Megumi and Gojo for giving him a role seconds before the body swap happens. If Yuji is immediately punished for thinking that what he needs is to be a cog in the machine, to be given a role then methinks that's a bad thing.

However, Yuji has not broken away from that thinking in any significant way. Sukuna even mocks him for finally being given a role.

If Yuji's thinking hasn't changed then no story arc has taken place. If this conflict of Yuji wanting to conform to a cog or a role has persisted since Shibuya - then it's clearly important to his arc and is something that needs to be resolved. If Yuji just solves the problem by being stronger than Sukuna and beating him in a fight, how does that resolve Yuji's flaw of clinging to roles rather than thinking for himself? I ask once again, where's the change?

Saving Megumi like a damsel in distress is still a role someone else has assigned him.

How does the decision to save Megumi right now challenge Yuji's hero complex in any way, besides the fact that Megumi has sunk into despair and would rather just end it all. Is that much a conflict that really forces Yuji to think for himself - to go against the grain of society rather than blindly following others.

If Yuji gets to rescue Megumi like a damsel, that's giving him what he wants, without forcing him to realize what he needs. That's as much of an unfullfilling end to Yuji's arc as a ending where Megumi never reclaims his agency and stands on his own feet and just has to sit there and wait and be passively saved.

Most of all the question: "Is it possible to save someone who's not prepared to be saved?" goes unanswered.

Geto wasn't just depressed and suicidal, he was actively making harmful choices and represented a danger to others. He also had no intention of stopping the path that he was on.

There's a clear parallel between Megumi and Yuji's friendship, and Geto and Gojo's past fallout. However, if it's just a conflict of Yuji saving Megumi who's simply too suicidal and doesn't want to go on living, there's no conflict there. The audience will not see whether or not Gojo was still capable of saving Geto post his burning down the village, or if there was no walking back from that choice. The previous generation won't resolve or fix the mistakes of the past generation.

Yuji remains a hero, Megumi remains a victim, as I reiterate for the thousandth time there's no change.

Megumi starting the merger, or even defeating Sukuna himself (maybe with a completed domain expansion) and then starting the merger is a change. It's also foreshadowed, Mahoraga is the technique he inherited, the technique Sukuna stole (and Mahoraga won't work against him he's already defeated it), Megumi's domain expansion is his own creation, created in his deepest moment of personal growth.

The process of individuation also literally requires a character fully integrating their shadow. Sukuna possessing Megumi is not Megumi facing his shadow or his worst traits, because Sukuna is not Megumi's shadow, he doesn't reflect Megumi's flaws in anyway, he's literally just a parasite.

There's also the 1001 Toji parallels to Megumi that have gone unfulfilled. Toji specifically a character who was abused, then chose to continue the cycle of abuse, specifically because he wanted to prove himself stronger than the peak of sorcery. Especially after a lifetime of being belittled and abused by not having the potential of his Heavenly Restriction recognized.

And what do we have here, but a scene of Toji LITERALLY EMERGING FROM MEGUMI'S SHADOW, in order to enter Dagon's domain.

How is Toji referred to afterwards? As a puppet of carnage bearing his fangs at the strongest around.

An incredibly Sukuna like description, number one because Sukuna's entire existence is simply bearing his fangs at the strongest around, and number two Sukuna is referred to as pure destruction, like a calamity, something with overhwelming sense of self and no humanity.

Not only that, but when fighting Sukuna, Gojo makes an explicit reference to Toji comparing him to Sukuna as the last time he ever felt nervous or challenged by an enemy. Sukuna and Toji are being alligned as similiar characters, supremely selfish people who hoard their agency and strength. Toji also represents the worst of Megumi, a victim caught in a perpetual cycle of lashing out against the world, a bad future path he might take if he doesn't get over himself.

Sukuna is connected to Toji wo is connected to Gojo, and all three represent a path that Megumi has been nudged down his entire life, that he should just selfishly use his power with no regards to anyone else the same way they do.

As I said before in my comparison to Jean, why wouldn't someone who's been robbed of all agency for so long, not go too far in reclaiming it? What's stopping them now that the chains are finally off?

Megumi parallels Geto, who parallels Toji, who parallels Sukuna and why draw all these lines between these characters if it's not to represent a path that Megumi could take?

In other words...

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

I’m always curious about Kankri being redeemed in any way (maybe because he can become the sufferer). Obviously to do so would be simply punting him to reality and force him to live it, no help from his shoddily-made support structure. But I’m curious how you would go about doing it

Given their role thematically in the story, I'm actually usually not on the train of "fully redeem the dancestors", but I do like giving them some catharsis and reckoning, a place in the fight against LE. One last chance to do something good with their lives/afterlives before the end, and a(n implied) new start as wigglers born into the new universe.

So to that end, in my head, the "turnaround point" for Kankri - the inciting incident that makes him have a mental breakdown that results in him finally taking some accountability for his shitty actions - is having a conversation with Eridan.

In my head, the Dancestor reckoning happens gradually, alongside a series of retcons where the dead trolls are brought back one or two at a time, and deal with their emotional issues a little more with every cast member added back into the party.

The TL;DR series of events is: Terezi asks to bring back Vriska, Vriska asks John to punch out Tavros before she can kill him, Tavros's influence makes Gamzee ask for Equius and Nepeta to be brought back, Equius asks for a redux of Aradiabot, Aradiabot grabs John by the arm and gets him to undo her death and Sollux's fall into depression, Sollux asks for Feferi to be brought back, and then Karkat asks for Eridan.

We know from (Vriska) that the Game Over/Alpha Timeline characters still exist post-Retcon, so those characters would also be continuing their character arcs, just in the afterlife prepping for the LE fight. For example, I think Meenah's reckoning should be delivered by (Karkat) - after having had so long to reflect on his own failures as a leader, he would be perfectly poised to scream at her for hers, which would also serve to make this confrontation a final thesis for Karkat as a whole - what leadership means (caring about your team) - and a conclusion to the Meenah/Karkat dynamic.

So when I say that Kankri needs to talk to Eridan, I mean Eridan and not (Eridan). Full character development, all his teammates are alive, taken full accountability and responsibility for his actions, team good guy Eridan. And as I noted in this essay, Eridan with full character development is actually more annoying than regular Eridan, because he's also the "Devastating: Worst Guy You Know Made An Excellent Point" guy. In bulleted form:

He's still an advocate for murder. Murder is literally what kept his friends alive long enough to play the game, and playing the game itself involves genocide, so he would be the Token Evil Teammate who reminds the team that, hey, murder is an option - and enemies will be considering it. Even at his very best, he's going to struggle with empathy and have an extremely blase view of violence and murder - those were literally just facts of his life through his most formative years.

This also makes him a TOTAL downer, as he's the tempering voice that reminds them that decisions have consequences, and utopia requires sacrifices, and nothing is ever worth fighting for that won't eventually need to be fought for. Like I said, worst guy you know, excellent points. In fact, he's out here volunteering to do the murdering when the situation calls, if nobody else wants to get their fins dirty. He's really good at it.

He's still an idiot who doesn't listen to people. He's perfectly fine at taking orders, but having a conversation with him is still really difficult. I feel like if you make Eridan too smart, mentally flexible, and socially aware, you lose a lot of his Eridan-ness, and I think these characters, fully realized, are more of themselves, not less. I also don't know how you could reasonably expect to fix these traits. He's just Like That.

He drops his fake pro-Empire stuff, because that was basically all just empty posturing in the first place, but...

Now he's a pretentious-ass hipster who judges you for liking Trollor Swift and Troll Marvel. Given that Jake's indiscriminate taste is actually linked to his deficit of Hope (he has little conviction, he's wishy-washy), Eridan coming into full Prince of Hope regalia involves getting even more annoying about his taste in media (shittons of conviction, refusal to budge).

He is also a wizard. He will not shut up about this.

And finally, I think he'd still be out here using slurs. First of all, because it'd be really funny, because he's literally not casteist, but second, because there's two types of "it's equality" - the kind where nobody ever says anything offensive, and the kind where "offensive" stops being a relevant concept because true equality has been achieved. Think of the discourse surrounding the reclamation of slurs IRL, or how the "it's equality" meme gets used - this idea that words can be stripped of power by changing the context of who's saying them, or that objectification/discrimination stop being problems if they're applied evenly across the board, instead of limited to specific groups. I think that this is the exact type of nuanced idea that Homestuck would tackle and its fandom would get incensed about, which is why I think it should stay.

Eridan's role, thus, becomes a sort of "unpleasant truths" kind of character. Violence, both physical and verbal, is unpleasant as hell, and the natural instinct is to avoid it. The problem is, in any true discussion of what society should look like, they're topics that can't be avoided, and are even sometimes necessary not just to recognize, but to utilize (no revolution is bloodless, etc.). Eridan - an extreme personality - is going to represent the uncomfortable extreme of the debate. And by that I mean he's going to be saying slurs and talking about murders and is still going to be unquestionably a force for good.

The reason I'm going so in-depth into this is because Kankri very much represents the opposite: using "polite" language and couching it in the language of courtesy, activism, and liberal ideology, Kankri hides - and worse, spreads - his classist, ableist, misogynistic, puritan beliefs. He enforces the class divide and actively works against his teammates' best interests.

He whines that the lower blood castes should stop complaining about oppression, because others have it worse. He tells the team feminist that misogyny isn't real, then slut shames her. He tells the guy with brain damage that he's making other neurodivergent/TBI people look bad, exacerbates Latula's shame around her inability to smell, and actively guilt trips Cronus into ignoring his epiphany and self-reflection. Kankri is only an activist in that he actively makes everybody worse.

But why does he act like this? Well, it's due to the fact that he was probably culled, and on-sight at that, like Karkat would've been if anyone found out about his mutant blood. Kankri doesn't seem to have a symbol or lusus, either, two thinks Karkat only had because the Signless's followers prepped them for him, so the chances are very high that Kankri was culled since he was hatched. Given the way he discusses culling with Latula, and viciously despises being mothered by Porrim, it's clear he has some really complicated feelings regarding having his agency dismissed. Thus, his work to hamper his team - at least some of which is wilful on his part, as he'll outright cast aspersions on Horuss or Cronus's beliefs for being "imaginary" even as he encourages them to commit to them - is motivated by something quite simple: power, attention, entitlement, and control.

When he goes on his grand lectures, he frequently slips and reveals that he sees himself as a great, unquestionable spiritual leader, often trying to place other characters in subordinate positions to himself - Karkat is his "pupil," and his monologues, I mean, sermons, I mean, diatribes, are spoken as if from a position of authority. He outright tells Meenah that this is what he believes himself to be.

It's a very Seer sort of problem - both that of hubris and that of willful blindness. If you chart out the actual "end goal" of his beliefs, it appears to be a world in which Kankri himself is both the biggest victim and most important voice in the room. He regularly disparages those with actual disadvantages (Damara, Porrim, Mituna) while playing up the false problems of those who don't actually have them (Horuss, Cronus). Those with disadvantages should have their voices amplified - except lowbloods should stop whining and misogyny isn't real. And those with real power should check their privilege - but won't somebody think of the poor highbloods who have ~emotional problems~? Kankri will, and all the highbloods need to do is bend the knee and treat Kankri as their specialest boy.

In short, he's using his intellect, rhetoric, and forceful personality for selfish, emotionally-driven pursuits. The actual substance of his arguments is ephemeral and contradictory because that's the trick - the point is NOT to further equality, but to verbally browbeat his conversation partner into submission. In other words, you can't beat Kankri in a regular debate, because the moment you start trying to actually engage in a debate with him, he wins. The moment you start lunging at his arguments, he's got you in his red-texted labyrinth. The moment you start treating his points like they merit genuine discussion, you're in the pews of Kankri's church, and he's up at the pulpit.

And Eridan is the destroyer of faith. He's also an idiot who doesn't listen to people.

I don't really know exactly how it would play out, but I know in my heart. In the pit of my soul. That Eridan would call Kankri several slurs, (correctly) point out that Kankri's celibacy is stupid because it's clear he has feelings for Cronus and Latula, (correctly) point out that his pro-equality stuff is stupid because he calls violets "Royal-V"s, (incorrectly) accuse Kankri of hitting on him, (correctly) point out that the entire point of a slur is that it hurts and insults the person it's used on, (correctly) call Kankri several more slurs, (correctly) point out that Kankri just wants attention, especially from highbloods, (???) go on an unhinged rant (maybe more) about being a wizard, being a murderer, and being a murderer wizard, (???) insult Kankri's taste in music, and finish it up by (correctly) revealing that Eridan and Karkat are moirails who make out sometimes.

I think Kankri would start crying.

[galadrieljones]

i actually wonder why you ship daryl and beth? i see them as friends and yeah i watched their scenes over and over and i didn’t see any love between them. And i see beth younger than him and i see daryl see her as a friend and sister So what is your reasons to ship them anyway!?

I'm going to assume this question is in good faith and that you are genuinely interested in why I (and many others) ship bethyl, so I'll answer in good (albeit cautious) faith. I'm also going to tag some of my friends and mutuals at the end who I would like to encourage to share why they, personally, ship bethyl.

First, know that I don't care if people don't ship bethyl. I also am not beholden to shipping "canon" ships. I don't care about any of that, and I think it's boring to restrict one's interest in shipping to what is canon or what the fandom accepts. You're free not to ship bethyl, and I won't be mad. That's your choice!!

BUT, since you're here of your own volition, realize that I personally don't buy the bethyl bond as "sibling-coded" argument at all lol. I can understand if someone just doesn't want them to be together, because they want Daryl to be with another character or something. That's fine and perfectly rational. I can also understand if someone does not like age difference ships, and they reject it on those grounds alone. Okay! That's your preference. BUT, Beth was 18 by the events of "Still." And the argument that they share a "sibling-coded" bond has never held water for me. Believe me when I say that I can see the argument for C*ryl before I can see the argument for Daryl and Beth being "sibling-coded," and that's saying a LOT. I've literally never had anyone successfully explain this perception to me using actual evidence from the show or from the actors/showrunners outside the show. It is ALWAYS subjective. And when confronted with evidence of a bethyl romance, these same people tend to just invoke their *age difference* as if that, in and of itself, is a dealbreaker.

IMPORTANT: It's NOT a dealbreaker, but some people in fandom these days mistake personal preference for moral paradigm, and these people tend to be very judgmental and to screech a lot and to spread rumors and to bully others. The same exact thing is happening to Neggie. But I'm not going to get into that right now.

Now, you say you don't see how they could possibly be "romantic." Of course, that's totally fine, but you will need to try and explain this to thousands of people lol. I am actually not super interested in going through, in detail, why I ship bethyl from a defensive position. I'm very sick of defending something that is, frankly, entirely unproblematic and also...popular! Other than Rickyl (which is a non-canon slash ship), Bethyl, even ten years after her exit from the flagship, is still the most popular TWD ship on AO3. It was popular at the time that the show aired. Jeffrey Dean Morgan's wife ships bethyl lol. Bethyl is not "weird." It's not even a rare pair!

AND YET, to put so briefly, if you *actually* care: I PERSONALLY love bethyl because I believe their characters exist in beautiful harmony. Beth is an artist. Her priority is beauty and continuously discovering what it means to live. She believes in the goodness of people. She is a religious character who has faith in God's love. She is, as Norman put it a long time ago, like a little light at the end of the tunnel for Daryl. She reminds Daryl of what it means to live, what it means to trust people and to have faith. She protects him from his own demons and reconnects him to the beauty that remains in a dying, horrific world. Daryl tends to forget about his own well-being and his own happiness. He prioritizes brute survival, because he was taught to do this over many years of emotional and physical abuse as a child. He is "used to things being ugly" and he frequently blames himself for things that go wrong. He closes himself off to others because he has a difficult time trusting that they won't abandon him or die. At the moonshine shack, Beth confronts him on this, and he confronts her right back. Beth isn't used to being challenged by men. But he challenges her to be better and to face her own insecurities as well. He makes her stronger. She pries open his heart. At the moonshine shack, she physically grabs him to remind him that he is still alive, and that everyone they've lost was once alive, too, and that just because they might be dead now, that's not his fault. The two of them still alive, while others are dead, that's not his fault, and there is still goodness in the world and things worth living for.

Speaking of physical touch, you really should rewatch "Alone" if you want to understand the physical and romantic chemistry between Beth and Daryl. There is literally so much that I could go through, but I don't have time lol.

The moment I fell in love with bethyl was actually in "30 Days Without an Accident," when Beth embraces Daryl in such a way that reassures him that he is not alone in a desperately lonely situation. Both characters are battling demons in this scene. But it's somewhat subtextual. If you don't watch closely, you may miss it.

That said, as has been established, a LOT of people did NOT miss it lol. It's just that a lot of people also want Daryl to be with someone else, or they feel the need to moralize on the internet. Neither one of those things is relevant to me, though I accept them as realities.

Anyway, I hope this helps! ->

@sasusc @frangipanilove @twdmusicboxmystery @pipergirl17 @sweetz1919

@emsee22 @drewmoll03 @bookqueenrules @bethiscomingsoon

@angelthefirst1 @bethgreeneprevails @im-immortal @rose-andthe-thorn @wdway @boltthrutheheart

and anyone else, I know I've forgotten some people 😩. I just went off the top of my head, so please chime in on why you love bethyl, or feel free to completely ignore this ❤️

[active-mind-15]

Headcanons for Akashi when he's angry? 😡

Been a hot min since I've done one of these long ass headcanon posts exploring different Akashi emotions/scenarios, so here I am again. Anger was per the suggestion of @japeneselunchtimerush, so shout out to Aura for once again feeding my Akashi brainrot. Let's get into it!

Usually, before I get into the headcanons, I talk about if there have been any examples of it happening in canon, and for anger, there have been! The most prominent example was during the Teiko arc, when Murasakibara was not listening to Akashi anymore and later confronted him, causing Akashi to switch for the first time. The anger I would argue is more apparent in the anime version, but it's still there in the manga, just as more of an undertone, though. Aside from that, though there aren't really many other instances I can think of apart from during the Winter Cup finals when Akashi realized his team was being overwhelmed and tried to make a comeback. Although, I'm debating classifying that purely as anger since he was clearly having a breakdown. But let's move on to the actual headcanons, I've rambled on this bullet point for long enough.

Firstly, what would make Akashi angry? Going off canon, we already know that one of these things is disobedience/belittling, especially when it comes to Akashi's own authority, but what else can we say makes him angry? I would say he's similar to Kuroko in the sense that he can't stand when he sees people being rude to others. I can imagine him seeing someone being the victim of harassment and bullying and he stands up for them, kinda like how everyone stood up for Kuroko in Extra/Last Game when Team Jabberwock attacked him. He's especially protective over his friends and would never let anyone say one bad word against them, lest they face his wrath.

(^^ As an extra thought to my previous point, I wonder if he ever had to reckon with being angry at himself for the scissors incident during the Winter Cup. I'm sure he's probably beaten himself up over it many times over.)

The examples I've given thus far are all serious things to get angry over, though. So, to lighten it up, I'm going to talk about situations in which I think Akashi would get mad for pettier reasons.

He'd for sure get mad at people disrespecting his height. Y'all saw how he dunked on Seirin in the WC finals just to show off and said "Did you think that was a move for tall people?" Technically he's above average height for his age, but when you put him next to his teammates, he looks so tiny since everyone else is freakishly tall. I'm sure his intimidating captain aura prevents most people from making jokes about his height anyway, but someone on an opposing team might be meanspirited enough to do it and he'd get pissed, like how Kuroko got pissed when Papa mistook him for a child.

Another petty reason I think he'd get mad is if someone isn't paying attention to him while he's speaking. I can especially imagine this happening with the Teiko gang because you know them mfs cannot collectively focus on something for more than five seconds. So imagine him talking about something serious only for him to turn around and almost nobody is paying attention. I've said once before that I think Akashi would be petty enough to pinch or kick somebody for something, so I think that this would be one of the times where this is applicable. He seems like an ear-puller to me, too. Just saying.

I'll give one more petty example for funsies, but I think he'd be mad if he didn't get what he wanted/things are not going his way. Not in the "I'm on the brink of defeat and the meaning of my existence is about to be nullified" type of way we've always seen for him, but in a "the cafe I frequent is out of my favorite drink and I'm about to make it everybody's problem" type of way. He just gets dramatic about minor inconveniences.

So now that we've talked about what could make Akashi angry, let's talk about what he would look like if he was angry. From what we've seen in the series, even when he's angry, he remains calm. He chooses his words carefully and is not the type to shout. The only time he's really raised his voice is when he was arguing with himself in his own headspace, but raising his voice at other people seems like a serious no-no for him. Even though he's calm while he's angry, the anger will still show on his face. The knitted brows, the deep disapproving scowl, anybody would be able to tell that Akashi is mad from a mile away. But if he's only mildly angry, I bet he'd look more pouty than actually mad, much to Mibuchi's delight because it makes Akashi look very adorable.

Come on. Look at that face. You're telling me you wouldn't pinch his cheeks?

How do other people react to him being mad, though? If he's seriously angry, it's like the air shifts. Nobody gets in his way when he's really angry. But when he's just mildly irritated, I think as time goes on, his friends will try and make him feel better, especially if the reason why he's mad is trivial and something that can easily be remedied. Like "Oh, Midorima's not free to play a game of online shogi with you right now? You can play shogi with me instead!" or "You forgot something in the gymnasium? I'll go get it for you!" I just like the idea of Akashi's friends, especially Rakuzan, going out of their way to do things for Akashi the way he does things for other people. It's what he deserves.

Overall, Akashi is a person who does not get angry often, and I feel like part of that reason is because he's always been taught to compose himself and not express emotions that can be perceived as negative. So, I can imagine what a struggle that must be for him, especially when he truly is angry but feels like he's not allowed to show it. So I would hope as time goes on that he feels more comfortable being open with that while still being able to show emotions in a healthy manner.

Alright, I've yapped enough, time to pack it up. Hope you guys enjoyed.

[moonselune]

Spoiler for Shadowheart’s Quest ‘!

Could you write a little something where Shadowheart instead of asking us to be official after the Shar Trials she’s doubting herself even more to be good enough for Tav so she is turning away from us? A little hurt/comfort? I miss her 🥹💕

I just wanna wrap her up in a blanket give her a smooch and a glass of wine xoxo

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Shadowheart x reader | Doubt creeps in

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

The atmosphere in the shadow cursed lands was oppressive, the air thick with a palpable tension. The trials of Shar had been grueling, pushing both you and Shadowheart to your limits. But as you emerged from the depths of the Gauntlet, you felt a sense of relief and triumph. But Shadowheart's demeanor had changed; she seemed distant, her eyes clouded with doubt and uncertainty.

When Shadowheart collapsed in pain from her lashing from Shar you caught her and held her close. When she awoke she abruptly pushed you away, as if you were electric to the touch. You didn't let it get to you though, you saw what she had just been through.

As you made your way back to camp, you noticed how Shadowheart kept to herself, even more so, her usual overconfident demeanour replaced by a cold detachment. Concern gnawed at you, and you held off as long as you could, trying to give her the space she needed, but when you noticed she had actually started avoiding you, you decided it was time to confront her. You found her standing by the edge of the camp, staring aimlessly into the darkness.

"Shadowheart," you called softly, approaching her. She didn't turn to face you, but you saw her shoulders tense.

"I need to be alone," she replied, her voice strained.

Ignoring her request, you moved closer until you were standing beside her. "Something's bothering you. Talk to me."

She let out a heavy sigh, finally turning to look at you. Her eyes were filled with a storm of emotions—fear, doubt, and something else you couldn't quite place. They were red and puffy, indicating she had just been crying.

"I'm not good enough for you," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "After everything…after what I've done, what I've been through…I don't.. I don't.. deserve you."

The weight of her words hit you hard. You reached out, but she flinched away from you. Your heart broke but you persisted, you much like someone trying to aid a wounded animal, you weren't afraid to get hurt.

Despite her resistance you managed to gently cup her face in your hands, making her look at you. "Shadowheart, don't say that. You've been through so much, and yet you're still here, fighting, trying to do what's right. That makes you stronger than you realize."

She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes, and she clawed at your hands weakly, a half attempt to push you away. "You don't understand. I've done terrible things. I was ready to kill, to betray… How can someone like me be worthy of your love?"

You took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to convey your feelings and you could feel your own tears welling up in your eyes.

"Shadowheart, we all have our demons. We all have things we're not proud of. But it's how we choose to move forward that defines us. You've shown time and again that you're capable of great kindness and bravery. You've saved me more times than I can count. You are worthy of love—my love."

Her tears began to fall freely again and she looked at you with a mixture of hope and disbelief. "But what if I falter again? What if I make the wrong choices?"

You brushed a tear from her cheek with your thumb, your heart aching at the sight of her vulnerability, and you had to pull yourself together, for her. "Then we'll face it together. You're not alone in this, Shadowheart. I'm here, and I always will be. I love you, regardless of your past or your mistakes. I love you for who you are, right now, in this moment."

A sob escaped her lips, and she collapsed into your arms, clinging to you as if you were her lifeline. You held her tightly, your own tears starting to fall now. "We'll get through this," you murmured, pressing a kiss to her hair. "Together."

For a long while, you stood there, wrapped in each other's embrace. Slowly, the tension in her body eased, and she looked up at you with a newfound determination in her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered. "I don't deserve you, but I'll do my best to be worthy of your love."

You smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "And I'll do my best to show you every day just how much you mean to me."

Shadowheart's lips curved into a small, tentative smile. "I love you," she said softly, the words carrying a weight of sincerity and hope.

"I love you too," you replied, leaning in, kissing gently.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Oh babygirl Shadowheart I love you, hope you all enjoyed it ! - Seluney xoxox

[knightyoomyoui]

KNIGHT'S ALL-TIME FAVORITE TWICE FANFIC STORIES OF GREATNESS: PART 1

Heyo, Knight here! I mentioned from my previous post days ago that I decided to share some of my favorite TWICE fics that I finished reading since I reactivated my Wattpad account back in 2020. I just feel like my fellow TWICE AU authors who made these deserves much appreciation and recognition, so I made this. If you haven’t checked them out, oh you better do so. There will be more for me to share, so for now, take a look at these five stories that will be included here.

1.) "Adore You" | Mina x Nayeon by Nabongsbunny (Fluff, Smut, Angst) (2020)

I remember when this was my very first TWICE AU that I'd read after months of getting introduced to TWICE back in 2020. A friend of mine requested that I read this one after I asked her about fanfiction that features K-Pop idols, which I learned that other people were also doing it too. And my God, when I gave it a try... Although I was shocked at first at the unexpected lesbian smut that greeted me (and through the rest of the story, which my friend shyly apologizes to me for not making me aware of, lol, but I didn't mind it that much since I'm just in for the story), but all I can say is that the narration is so beautifully written, and all of the characters, especially Nayeon and Mina's, chemistry was carefully built through their backstories, moments, and decisions in life that actually can be put into real-life situations in which, despite being disappointing, you can't help but not blame them for it because... well, it's love. Also, this story was the reason that got me into listening and loving the song "Adore You" by Harry Styles. This one serves as like the official soundtrack if this would be an entire film, but you won't be surprised why the author perfectly chose this song to fit for Minayeon's story. A little glimpse to give about the story, if I remember correctly (it has been more than a year since I read it, but I'm planning to give it a reread because of how perfect it is), Nayeon is the bratty CEO of her company when she met Mina as the team leader who was appointed by her parents to take care of her as they send her to LA to enter a boarding school. There, she realized that this isn't actually their first time meeting each other when Nayeon finds Mina familiar, which brought her to recall where it all began, and the rest is one hell of a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Give it a read for yourself if you are fine with reading TWICE AU that features a ship or pair and doesn't mind a girl-to-girl relationship. I'm probably sure it would end up as one of the best TWICE AU stories you'll ever read. No wonder it became an iconic fanfic in the community. Try to ask a Minayeon fanfic to others; I bet this would be the first or one of them to be mentioned.

2.) "Move On" | Nayeon x Female Reader by @vorrentis (heavy Angst) (2018)

Is it a bit ironic that I'm not really into reading female reader x member if I'm a guy who's gonna read it yet I also read stories that features a ship in TWICE, which members are both female? Well that would be my case of not attempting to give this one a read from Vorrentis' goated TWICE one-shot book on Wattpad. Quick fun fact: Vorrentis is one of my favorite Twice AU authors and my inspiration for starting to write fanfics on my own. Okay, now back to what I was saying, thank goodness my curiosity finally had me check it out by myself a few weeks ago. The summary of this story would be Nayeon and YN, two ex-couples who broke up after Nayeon mysteriously disappeared, and YN didn't know where she went until she found out that she'd be marrying Jeongyeon, whom they both know as a friend of theirs. If you give it a read, you will see how YN would almost curse Nayeon's life to the depths of hell for breaking her heart after what she did. Beware, this story contains LOTS of strong languages because, like I said, it's heavy angst filled with confrontations and arguments. What I love about this is how the author did a great job on making the dialogues felt so real, as if when you were reading it, you can feel the intensity because it's like you're sharing the same room as them as a nosy spectator or let's say you are their child (lol). And oh, since I mentioned about how Nayeon's sinful act devastated YN's vulnerable heart brutally, here comes the mindblowing double twist that would be thrown to you as it reaches the climax. Had me gaping my mouth in shock at the back and forth of revelations.

3.) "Stuck In Fairytales" | TWICE x Male Reader by ZAKY14 (Fluff, Angst) (2020)

I found this one pretty interesting because it reminded me of "Knock Knock"'s storyline in the MV, minus the theorized creepy twist that ONCEs put in there, and when I read it, I was so entertained throughout the chapters. The author, Zaky, is known on Wattpad for writing a bunch of Twice fics, some of which feature other idols too. The story of this one is centered on "Lao Bang,"  the name of the reader here, who accidentally discovered an ancient storybook. He opened it and got sucked in there to be part of every story it contains inside, explaining why this book has arcs that feature some of the popular Disney fairytale characters that TWICE would be portraying as. This one has a sequel by the way, and it will continue to tell Lao Bang's story after he successfully escaped the book.

4.) "The Life I Never Had" | TWICE x Male Reader by Mashimuno (2020)

If you love superheroes and some action/comedy genres like me, this one is definitely for you. “The Life I Never Had” tells the story of YN, a guy who got teleported off Earth since he was 5 years old and grew up to be trained as a bounty hunter in the planet he got thrown at. One day, during a mission he got beaten up badly with his sidekick and forced to retreat onto a nearby habitable planet , and there he ends up at the Earth where he was born which is also where TWICE would be living also in this story (they're still portrayed here as idols, just like in real life, btw). It also has a multiverse concept that we usually see in Marvel and DC films. Read it if you want to see how YN would meet the girls and how his connection with them gets stronger, and it will teach him how to live an unparalleled life that he never experienced in the universe he used to live for his entire life as they get to know themselves more throughout the chapters while facing YN's adversaries from the other planet.

5.) "Sociopath" | Nayeon x Male Reader by @nichuuu (Fluff, Angst, Smut) (2023)

Back in February, I tried to search for some TWICE one-shots on Tumblr because not gonna lie I get tired of seeing bunches of smuts and nothing new in my feed. Then I found this one. Me loves tsundere because of how often I see them in animes, and the way the author made it possible by writing Nayeon's character like that in this story where she is the CEO of her company, famous for being a... well, let's say she is an evil boss who is a huge antisocial until she meets YN, who applied as her 25th secretary (insane, right?). The story is basically about how a devil meets an angel who will slowly change her perception of the reality of life, and through the people around her who will result in her change of heart. The more she also begins to fall in love with our male lead here, they also face some challenges that are related mainly to Nayeon's tragic past that brought her hostile side to emerge and live with it. The prologue was effectively hilarious when I first read it, and I knew right then that I would be reading such an awesome story. I even finished the whole chapter in just a day! It's truly one of the best rom-com TWICE fics I've read, and I highly recommend it.

[valtsv]

i get a lot of people telling me how patient and kind i am in interactions with people where they address me in an angry, upset, or argumentative manner, and i'm glad that it's something you appreciate about me because i do think it's one of my better qualities and i'm proud to have developed that kind of control over my temper (especially since i've struggled with healthy emotional regulation, particularly regulating my expressions of anger and distress, for most of my life due to abuse and neglect) but i do want to emphasize that it's okay to get angry sometimes. it's healthy to get angry and upset sometimes.

it's not healthy or good for anyone (but especially you yourself) to suppress your emotional responses to the point of flat out never allowing yourself to express them. it's not a sign of strength to avoid acknowledging your honest feelings. catharsis is necessary sometimes. and it can hurt other people who have less of an iron control over their emotions to suppress your own, especially if you lash out unpredictably because you've held back necessary hurt and let it fester, or if you weaponize that control you have against opponents in confrontations in order to portray them as irrational and overruled by their emotions (which is also very manipulative, and a trap you can fall into without realizing if you refuse to be self-aware about your emotions).

i choose to respond to people with kindness and patience most of the time because i feel that in too many interactions online anger and retaliation are unnecessary knee-jerk responses that tend to only make things worse and leave people resentful and unwilling to communicate with or listen to one another, but if i ever need to express my anger or hurt with someone, i am more than willing to. i just prefer to ask myself whether i actually need to react that way before i do - or if i need to express that hurt on the internet when i might be able to deal with it more productively in private. but i do feel anger, and pain, and i get hurt and cry sometimes - i just don't always show it on social media, because it's a semi-public space where it isn't always appropriate or comfortable for me to do so. so i don't want to give the impression that you shouldn't allow yourself to feel those things. you can, and you should. it's not weakness to let yourself cry or get mad. even online.

[fuckmeyer]

Jasper as a character is so interesting because he ends up a Confederate because he can't actually empathise with the slaves and because he simply accepts cruelty around him, and then when he becomes a vampire he literally can't ignore others suffering because it hurts him, but even decades after he becomes a Vegetarian he still can't get a hang of it partially because he still can't see humans as *people*. Idk there's smth to be said about him becoming a vampire because of his own cruelty and then being eternally in horrific pain because of said cruelty that fucks.

Jasper's whole life is a curse & i love to see it

here we have a Confederate supposedly so empathetic that he acquired a "gift"... yet not so empathetic as to recognize he was fighting for the enslavement of an entire race. despite seeing the consequences of slavery literally every day. now, the man who spent his last human days denying the humanity in others is forced to spend his immortal life being slapped in the face with their emotions. forever. hueeueueueu-

yeah, i would call that "gift" a curse, actually.

if Twilight weren't a horror story, we might see a discussion between Jasper/Bella about how immortality forces you to confront the darker side of your nature (e.g. "there will come a day when the societal beliefs imbued unto you leaves you standing on the wrong side of history"), & Jasper's journey with finding love & humanity. OR, y'know, he could've just had ONE (1) line where he says "yeah i'm not proud of my service." simply, if Twilight weren't a horror, Jasper could see the error of his ways & change for the better.

HOWEVER. Twilight vampires are "mentally frozen" when they turn, so Jasper is likely still a racist who does not regret his service. no matter how many times he is confronted with his cruelty, he won't change. meaning whatever life he chooses, his gift dooms him.

wow! eternal curse!

we see evidence of this frozen mental state in his decision to go vegetarian. he doesn't switch bc he feels bad about killing humans:

"I could feel everything my prey was feeling. And I lived their emotions as I killed them. [...] You've experienced the way I can manipulate the emotions around myself, Bella, but I wonder if you realize how the feelings in a room affect me." (Eclipse, Ch 13)

note the dehumanizing term "prey" & the focus on himself. he laments not that the human lives he's taking have value but that their dying moments harsh his vibe.

the irony! trapped as an empath while never possessing the ability to be an empath! CURSE CURSE C-

herein lies a bigger, juicier curse: Jasper is, himself, (hot take) enslaved in the sense that he will never know freedom, philosophically speaking, due to the choices he made in life. the series tries to paint him as a master tactician & competent leader; fanon often paints him as a free-thinking amoral black sheep. in reality, he simply obeys the commands of higher authorities & abides by their worldview regardless of how toxic it is to himself or others.

in the beginning, he had María.

he entered the Southern Vampire Wars not by his own volition but stayed because he was content not having a choice. however one feels about María, the fact of the matter is 1) as a newborn he was stronger, bigger, & faster than her & could have run away or overpowered her, 2) had the "gift" to identify emotions & could KNOW when/if she was malicious or manipulating him, & 3) could have escaped by influencing her emotions to make her disinterested in him. at any time in the 100 years they were together, he could have left. he talks about never knowing a life outside the war & discovering "options I'd never dreamed I had." ok???? run 100 miles in any direction & you would have seen a life outside of war. BOI-

instead, he took comfort in being submissive & adopting someone else's ideology. not only did it remind him of his past, but it meant he had no need to reflect on his actions or beliefs. he prefers others dictate his worldview & order him around even if it means being unhappy. he only left because he was going to be assassinated, & even then, it wasn't until someone else told him another life was possible that he "realized" another life was possible.

notably, the period where he's most free— living with Peter & Charlotte— is his rock-bottom where "the depression got worse." but, again, not because he realized the value of human life: "I was so wearied by killing [...] even mere humans."

then he meets Alice.

Alice, who has visions of being vegetarian & converts him so they can live with the Cullens. Alice, who dictates how her family should live their lives to the point where she manipulates them. Alice, who goes so far as to dress the Cullens, who orders Jasper to wait in the car while she & Bella go shopping, who Jasper refers to as "truly [...] one frightening little monster" because for all his experience she can still beat him in combat.

his eternal soulmate is authority.

despite being unhappy with his vegetarian life, as it makes him feel weak & coddled & a liability to everyone around him, he follows the lifestyle because Alice tells him to.

then there's the Volturi, another authoritative body. "We owe the Volturi for our present way of life," says acclaimed bootlicker Jasper Hale, who in the same moment shudders at the atrocities they committed, yet strangely sees no other way for a governing body to keep the peace... so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

but, since Carlisle outranks the Volturi as an authoritative figure in that he more closely aligns with Jasper's new worldview, Jasper sees no problem deposing the vampiric governing body if it means his sister-in-law of like 2 months can keep her demonic spawn. so i guess we don't really owe the Volturi that much

to his credit, we see glimmers of him questioning his leaders: 1) his decision to leave Maria, 2) his considering switching diets to defeat Victoria, & 3) going against the Volturi. but, again, these decisions are all just a result of his self-preservation & submitting to the higher authority du jour.

in the end, he has the perfect storm of conditions that would allow him to escape the prison he's created, to find freedom & to love humanity unconditionally... but he won't. Jasper's ultimate curse is that regardless of whether he realizes the enslavement of his own self, he will never leave his cage because it's cozy & easy & allows him to never think for himself.

AAAANYWAY Jasper's life sucks & he's trapped in an eternal prison of his own making. lol

[bonnieisaway]

Hi Bonnie, do you have any thoughts about Dai Bo?

do you guys know the sheer dopamine hit i get everytime i'm asked shit like this. like just the fact people want to hear my thoughts enough that people go out of their way to unprompted ask me about it. drugs could not simulate this emotion

i love dai bo :3 certified hardest character to explain to any person i'm introducing to the show fr

ok but fr though i feel like his appearance lets a lot of people forget about how deep his character is and how well written he is. because he's written fucking gloriously and he is shaped by his tramua perfectly. a lot of characters in this show have to confront this sort of cycle of violence and dai bo's is more familial and generational than most other character's. he only fought for his friend's son. and he fought so hard to break the cycle. like he's the most beautiful example of breaking the cycle of violence.

SPECIFICALLY with the scene with king pheasant where he's ready to straight up kill that bitch until he looks over and sees xiao fei. and he realizes that xiao fei does not need to see this. xiao fei will not be shaped the way dai bo was, and the cycle WILL stop with dai bo. and this scene is mirrored when xiao fei and seven are going to hurt king pheasant, where dai bo tells them to leave him alone. where dai bo fights to stop the cycle.

and the way his hatred for humans is shaped by seven. how seven is the perfect person for dai bo to have ever met. the best way to prove to dai bo that humanity has good, has beauty in it; this is a man who remembers NOTHING. not even his own name. if you're watching the show in chinese, he doesn't even speak the same dialect as everybody else around him. and this factory-reset, lump of clay of a person with nothing but his own instincts is so kind and trusting. that's how dai bo learns humans can be good so quickly. not just because seven was so kind and forgiving, but because dai bo realizes seven was inherently BUILT that way. that it was his NATURE itself.

and i love the way he clings to this, too; not even just this version of seven but seven himself. because it's subtle at first, because dai bo is not the kind of person who confronts emotions, but it's noticeable. i have an old post where i pointed it out before he confirmed it in season four; when seven is so amazed and stricken by the view of xuanwu, dai bo instantly dismisses and diminishes it, dai bo is constantly upset when seven leaves without him, dai bo is desperately clinging to the seven he knows and is terrified of seven being forced to return to that cycle of violence that he escaped from.

because like, of course he is! dai bo fought for his friend's son to escape that cycle. so to see this man, who he absolutely sees as his own son, have to return to the cycle of violence, let alone for dai bo's sake, of course it destroys him. of course he wants to cling to him and try and dissuade him; who cares about everybody else, as long as you're home and safe. xuanwu not only symbolizes a home far disconnected from dai bo to seven but in dai bo's eyes it's another massive perpetuator of a violent war. i mean he makes that clear when he explains xuanwu and stan - they are the ones fighting the war, we are the normal, smaller, common folk caught in the middle; shelter yourselves and enjoy your small life here.

but violence is neverending, isn't it? even when dai bo destroyed the chicken farm and the fighting ring, what happened? king pheasant found another perpetuator for his vice in stan. another hamster wheel of violence to spin, a super solider of propoganda and murder. something so much bigger than both of them. but dai bo has to accept that seven is an integral part of this 'bigger than them' bit when it comes to xuanwu. that he has to let go of this idea of an obedient, normal, casual seven. just like accepting your son isn't your little boy anymore, that's a grown man. and aside from the metaphor itself seven is actually at the perfect age for this. seven meets dai bo when he's about 19 and fairly skinny and small, and it's mentioned/implied he's grown a bit since meeting dai bo and we know he's 21 in season four.

anyways i love dai bo. i feel like he's underrated and we need to talk about him more. although sometimes i wanna ask the director like, why specifically dai bo and xiao fei were chickens. was there a meaning or a reason or do you think it was just cause they thought it was funny and also what does this implicate about chickens and pidgeons as a whole in this universe

[utilitycaster]

Assuming Laudna will open up to Imogen about killing Bor’dor/Delilah possibly still lingering, I wonder if it will cause friction between them. I don’t know why it would but maybe I just want drama between them to make them interesting to me lol. Anyway, It is gonna be interesting to see how the bells interacts after this cause they all have had some growth and regression. You know what I mean? 

So I agree that the reunion is going to be really interesting. While I actually think the parties are on roughly the same page (though Imogen and Laudna might not be; Imogen is still kind of a lone holdout on "but what if I don't care about the gods") they did have wildly different experiences, and I do love drama.

Here's my opinion: I don't actually think Team Issylra regressed. I think there's a very common false equivalence of violence=regression that pops up in the fandom, and I think it's 100% wrong given the setting and genre conventions.

I'm reminded actually of a lot of discussion about the Ted Lasso finale a few weeks ago - there's a good post here, the gist of which is that sometimes a part of recovery is looking less happy. Laudna's entire deal is that she compartmentalizes and suppresses and tells herself it's all uphill from here. Orym has heard multiple people - people who like him, even, who'd consider him a friend or ally - openly say the group that murdered his husband and father-in-law who was basically a father to him and who used his leader (whom he's sworn to protect and who said husband and father-in-law died protecting) as nothing more than bait might have some good points, and he's mostly kept quiet. Even Ashton, who has been in somewhat better shape this arc, believed himself to be undeserving of anything good.

So yeah, Laudna might possibly have reawakened Delilah, but she's actually letting herself experience some emotions and talk about them. It's a pretty major step forward that she's spent so much time admitting to anger and fear, and her feelings about betrayal, and crying on Ashton's shoulder instead of constantly pretending everything is totally fine so that she can be the shoulder to Imogen. Orym's moment with the locket is not, to me, an act of cruelty. It's him saying "why do I keep trying to understand and sparing the feelings of people who never once gave me that grace, and who will use me or murder me without a second thought?" And while Ashton isn't immediately running to Hishari right now because, understandably, they are prioritizing the reunion and stopping the Vanguard, their moment about realizing this is anger and the past was self-pity feels like a breakthrough. He's confronting that past (speaking of false equivalences, there's a similarly common one of "choosing to go along with the main party-wide plot instead of one's own specific hooks=avoidance") and is letting himself whole-heartedly support the party after spending years refusing to have friends because friends leave.

Team Issylra is in the messy part of growth, but they've grown immensely, and that's actually the biggest thing I want to see Team Wildemount respond to.

[atticsandwich]

more than they can say

pairing: mephistopheles / gn!mc

established relationship (with mephisto), implied poly!mc, mostly fluff [+ slightly suggestive themes (nothing explicit nor descriptive), with a touch of angst at the end]

seeing your skin decorated with the sigils of seven of the most powerful demons in the Devildom instills a bubbling array of emotions within him, and he finally gives in to fully showing his commitment for you.

[set in the OG timeline, pre-nightbringer]

a/n: a part of this mentions how many years it has been since the start of the exchange program, it's a rough estimate, so if you think i'm wrong pls just ignore it lol

btw, my requests are still open!

--

Mephistopheles' office in the newspaper club room is a quiet respite from the chaotic hallways of RAD, and usually he'd keep the peace for himself, too engrossed in his own work to care about Levi's yelling at Mammon to return his wallet, or the shriek of terror when Raphael rains down spears when he gets pissed. You hold a special exception, however, and use that privilege as often as you can, casually barging in during lunchtime - to annoy him again, as he would accuse - but never with any bite as to actually deter you from coming.

Despite stepping down from being club president some time ago, he's still very much active in the club, as shown by the multiple drafts and article proposals strewn across his desk. You'll often read some of them for him, and most of the time he'll roll his eyes, take the proposal from your hands, and crumple it before tossing it to the bin - his standards are high, as always.

It wasn't always like this though; you and Mephisto had a rough start on your... friendship, and it really wasn't until you became a member of the student council that he started warming up to you, before inevitably falling for your human charms, as Asmo would call it. Initially he took that phrase literally and seriously thought you cursed him with some infatuation spell, and it took Diavolo laughing at his face to realize that yeah, he was kinda stupid for thinking that - Satan's words, not his. You followed him when he stormed off the student council room that day, and you remember the flush of his cheeks when you confronted him at the gardens, how you implanted in your memory the very first time you felt his lips on yours, his hands desperately holding onto you as if the moment he'd let go, you'd run off elsewhere.

Mephisto is a prideful demon - proud of his status, his strength, his influence, his family; he takes great care in cultivating and maintaining his public image, only acting beyond what is needed during pressing matters. It's why he thinks the concept of pacts goes directly against his values, and for that reason, deems it sacrilege; maybe it's the thought of someone having complete dominion over you should they choose to act as such, or the thought of being bound to another until their souls gets harvested by the reapers - either way, he's never given it a passing thought, even when some high level witch or sorcerer called upon his name using some rudimentary summoning circle.

You asked him about it once, from before you established a relationship with him.

"Pacts? Let me tell you this ahead, human. Those brothers may have willingly given themselves to you, but do not view me the same way you do them."

You've never brought it up again, respecting his feelings on the matter.

"Hey," your thoughts come back to the present with sound of his voice. Turning to him, you cast a questioning glance.

"Yeah? Did something come up?"

"No, nothing like that," he rises from his table, piece of paper in hand. He hands it over to you, signalling you to read it. You eyes quickly scan through the paper, an article proposal of some sort.

"Hm?" you raise your brows in interest. "An interview about having pacts with the demon brothers?"

"Initially, I wanted to toss it aside, but considering that ever since the exchange program, more and more demons have been interested with pacts and such," he explains, although you sense hesitancy in his voice.

"So I assume this interview would be about me?" you inquire.

"Well, yes. Solomon does have a pact with one of the brothers, but I think the student body is more interested about the human who has pacts with all seven of them."

You pause, giving the idea some thought. On one hand, it could prove to be helpful in helping other students understand how pacts function, at least in your case. On the other hand, pacts in general seem to be a very touchy subject for some demons, having polarizing opinions across the board.

"Of course, you are in no obligation to accept. Don't feel like you have to do it," he assures, giving your head a little pat.

You shake your head, a decision already formed. "No, no. I'll do it. I think the pros outweigh the cons enough."

He quirks an eyebrow up, intrigued. "Well, if you're sure about it, then..." he pauses for a while, hesitant. "...I'll have your interview scheduled. I'll text you the details tonight."

--

It isn't long after you return home to the House of Lamentation that your D.D.D. lights up with Mephisto's name on the screen, a detailed text sent about the interview.

Friday, after class, newspaper club room. Interviewer: Mephistopheles

You send back a quick reply, thanking him for the information, although you have to wonder if he pulled some strings to be the one interviewing you. It'll be a more personal confrontation, so you wouldn't be surprised if the noble demon insisted he be the one to record everything, despite the proposal not being his in the first place. Regardless, you don't dwell on the thought for long, and go on with the rest of your day.

When Friday comes, Mephisto shoots you another text, reminding you about the interview. You assure him that you'll be there, although a bit later than expected as Lord Diavolo asked you to help you sort through some files in the student council room. He puts up no complaints and urges you to finish as fast as you can, to get this over with, as he says in the text.

--

"I've heard from Mephisto that you'll be interviewed today regarding your pacts?" Diavolo inquires while the two of you go through some documents. Barbatos is somewhere in the corner, arranging some more files for Lucifer to go through at a later time.

"Yeah, I thought it wouldn't hurt to do," you answer. "Plus, there's been a lot of interest lately regarding my relationship with the brothers lately, so I thought it'd be better to go for it now rather than have some random rumor go around."

"Hm, you do have a point," he takes a sip of tea from a cup right next to him, thoughts elsewhere rather than the stack of papers in front of him. "I must admit, even I'm curious about how you went through with it. I only know of Lucifer's since I asked."

"Nothing special, for the most part, really. Although funnily enough, Lucifer helped me out with Mammon's," you laughed, recalling the entire Goldie-in-the-freezer debacle.

"Hah, it sounds like a good story. I'll be looking forward to reading the interview!"

--

The newspaper club room is empty, save for a lone demon steeping a select brew of tea. The smell indicates that it's your favorite, and a smile graces your lips as you approach the demon from behind, careful not to alert him of your arrival. You feel him freeze for a second the moment you wrap your arms around him from his back, but he immediately relaxes once he realizes who the perpetrator is.

"You're late," he chastises, but there's no bite to his voice. You release him from your hug and approach his side, eager for the tea he's brewing. He catches on fairly quick.

"Go take a seat, I'll bring the tea over once it's done, then we can start the interview."

You hum in acknowledgment, shuffling your way to one of the room's lounge couches. It's rare that the club's main room is this quiet, as usually there's always someone else typing away at their keyboard, or cursing at the printer for not working. Mephisto follows not long after, placing the tea set at the table, pouring you a cup before he does for himself, and takes his seat on a chair in front of you. He stations a recorder in the middle, taking a notebook and flipping through its pages, landing on what you assume to be the pre-prepared questions.

"Whenever you're ready," you signal to him. Nodding his head, he clicks the record button on the recorder, clearing his throat to start.

The start of the interview goes without a hitch - Mephisto introduces himself and you, and he asks fairly simple questions to start. You answer all of them in stride as he jots down any important details in his notes. A little while later is when the heavier questions come in.

"Since you've joined the transfer program roughly three years ago, you've made your own mark on the Devildom. Among such achievements was gaining pacts with all seven avatars of sin. Can you tell us how you went about it?"

"Well," you pause, in thought. "My very first pact was with Mammon, who was assigned to take care of me when I first arrived. Truthfully, I gained his pact in more or less a bargain involving a credit card. It's a long story," you take another pause to laugh at the memory. "Next was Leviathan, who made a pact with me after I beat him in a TSL trivia contest."

You then recount how you made pacts with all the brothers as accurately as you could, refraining from going off topic, as much as you wanted to tell the story of how Satan and Lucifer switched bodies.

"Finally, Lucifer made a pact with me on the last day of the exchange program," you end with the eldest, softly reminiscing that night in his study. "It was... a night I would never forget."

"I see..." Mephisto doesn't miss the tone change of your voice when you say that, and it took all of his willpower to prevent his emotions from showing on his face - keep it professional, he chastises himself in his head, but the more stories you recount of how you got your pacts, each one just as significant as the last, the more emotions start to bubble in his gut. He swallows it all down, pretending to be unaffected, and proceeds with the interview.

"How very... insightful," you notice the slightest bit of bitterness in his voice, although you chalk it up to your hearing, unaware of the mental turmoil going through Mephisto's head. He breathes in, clearing his throat to compose himself.

"Was there any particular reason why you wanted to have pacts with them?"

"Hm..." another pause. You're aware you have to be careful on how you answer this, as the incident with Belphegor has never left the walls of the house.

"I was... trying to help a friend out, initially," you construct a reason while also trying to be truthful. "But eventually it went from that to my pacts being a symbol of who I am to them, and them to me."

"Could you elaborate further?" he presses.

"The brothers are important to me, and I to them. Having pacts with them means that even if we're realms apart, we are always connected. At least, that's how I view it," you smile softly. "I can't control how other humans use their pacts, but to me, it transcends having a demon on your beck and call. It's a two-way street grounded in communication and mutual understanding."

"I... I see."

The air is silent for a moment, the quiet ticking of the recorder being the only backdrop. You glance questioningly at Mephisto, who seemed to be deep in a daze.

"Mephisto?"

"Ah- Sorry," he composes himself, fixing his posture. "I got lost in thought for a second, I apologize."

"It's okay," you assure him. "Do you have anymore questions?"

"Y-Yes," he drifts his eyes back to his notebook. "Your... uh, pact marks, do you keep them visible?"

"Some of them are pretty easy to hide," you start pointing at different areas of your body. "But they're pretty easy to hide with magic. Solomon taught me how to."

"Is there... a specific reasoning for the placements?"

"For the most part, yes. Although... when I made my pact with Mammon, it was a bit haphazard, so we didn't really get to think it through."

The demon across you nods, his eyes fixed on yours. As if in a trance, you hold the gaze along.

"Last question."

He inhales.

"If... If another demon were to ask for a pact with you, how would you respond?"

"Well..." you start, formulating a thought. It's an odd question, and you can't help but think there was some underlying meaning to it. "...It depends. Unlike Solomon, I'd rather only have pacts with demons I... hold with personal importance."

He nods silently, although you don't miss the way his shoulders release from tension, almost in relief. He reaches over and clicks stop on the recorder, signifying the end of the interview.

"Thank you for your time. It was... an insightful interview," he stands up, patting his school coat down.

"Is there... something else you wanted, Mephisto?" you inquire, noticing the way he keeps glancing and looking away from you, sensing hesitancy in his person. He responds with a sharp inhale, walking over to stand in front of you, kneeling down to your level.

"Mephisto...?" flustered and confused, you allow him to take your hand, his temperature chilly. You can tell he's nervous about something.

"May I... May I see your pact marks?"

You didn't expect the question, and for a moment you stare at him in surprise. His eyes though, are transfixed to yours, sincere in his request.

"I... I don't mind, but may I ask why...?"

"It's simply... out of curiosity. I won't push you if you're uncomfortable with it."

"No, no, it's fine," you assure him again. Slowly, you start unbuttoning your school coat before he assists you in taking it off, folding it neatly to the side, all still while kneeling in front of you. You roll the sleeves of your inner shirt, unbuttoning the first few buttons, unsure if you should continue. You look at him, his face flustered, as he mumbles a soft "you don't need to take it all off." Laughing lightly, you take his hand, chanting the spell to undo the concealment of your pacts. One by one, they appear across your skin, as he glances upon each one as they show.

The marks span scattered across your entire body, from your arms, to your chest, to your back. Mephisto takes his finger and traces around them, being particular about not touching them. He furrows his brows when he comes across a prominent mark - Lucifer's, easy to tell with its commanding presence on your skin. You shudder when he encircles its perimeter, still careful not to actually touch any of it. He stops when he reaches your wrist, grasping it lightly with both of his hands, before bringing it to his face as he plants a kiss where your pulse is. If your face wasn't already red - your entire body is now, too.

"Mephisto...?" you whisper, yet his eyes still linger on the space where he planted a kiss.

"Would you... would you laugh at me if I asked you to make a pact with me?" his voice quivers, hesitant, yet clear. He raises his head to meet your eyes, and you chalk it up to your imagination when his looks fiercely verdant, even more so than usual.

You take your free hand, cupping his cheek. He leans into your touch, but his eyes don't waver, anticipating an answer.

"Why would I laugh?" you finally respond.

"I've told you before why I deemed pacts unnecessary... Yet, when you speak about yours, I can't help but long for a stronger connection with you. I fear it's... quite unbecoming of me to feel this way," he breathes out, as if he's been holding it in his entire life. Leaning forward, you kiss the space between his eyes, and he hums in gratuity.

"Mephisto..." his eyes return to you, as the grip on your hand becomes firmer.

"Would you like to make a pact with me?"

His response is wordless, taking your wrist he's been holding this entire time. Bringing it close to his face once again, he closes his eyes, as you feel the familiar surge of magic seep into you when a pact is formed.

"From now, until the end of our days," he whispers, setting your hand down. A new sigil on the wrist pulse where he kissed makes itself known to you, his fingers mindlessly tracing it like a familiar memory.

"I am yours," he finishes.

When you lean down to meet his lips in a desperate kiss, you feel him smile, and he tastes the tears that run down your face from his bold profession.

--

Mephisto is, as usual, at his desk in the newspaper club room. It's one of those nights that demanded his full attention, deadlines fast approaching, so he works overtime, going through and proofreading every article before gaining his final stamp of approval.

He stands up stretching, eager to take a break from his workload. Noticing the empty teapot on his table, he takes it to brew another batch of tea. He scans his options until he lands on a familiar brew - your favorite. Smiling to himself, he takes said brew, preparing to steep it to accompany him on the final leg of his work.

That is, until a sharp jolt passes through his chest, prompting him to drop the pot into countless pieces as he keels over in searing pain. It's unlike anything he's experienced before, almost as if something is being ripped off of him.

It's then that he finally notices.

Initially thinking of it as a trick of light, he hurriedly rips off his gloves, to where his pact mark with you was etched - on his wrist, the same space where he gave you his mark.

It's gone.

It's gone, and he can't feel you.

Scrambling to his feet, he races back to his desk, uncaring of the mess he's making, throwing the documents across the room to finally, finally get to his D.D.D.

Before he can even open the thing and dial for your contact, the screen lights up.

Lucifer's calling.

He's thankful that the hallways of RAD are completely empty at this hour, as the moment he hangs up on his call with the demon of pride, he lets out the most anguished, distressed scream the academy's walls will ever know, your name buried in echoes.

--

a/n: after rereading i realize the ending might imply you died, but no i promise it's just a cheeky little way to connect to your disappearance in nightbringer help