#tgr thoughts

[witcheshollow]

Finishing the golden raven knocked me the fuck out so my Coherent and Eloquent thoughts are gonna have to wait so enjoy this very spoilery mash up of whatever is coming to mind now before I do a proper deep dive

-I was really expecting more in terms of jerejean development, but Im not surprised that nora is waiting until the last book. I would assume there is also a bit to do with them having originally not been intended for one another... and on that front I dont remember nora ever confirming them officially just her deleting the ec and saying she isnt letting it define these three books. Which does point to jerejean endgame but ((and correct me NICELY if im wrong)) she never officially said the two of them are to get together.

-tagging off that point: something about the pacing of this book felt very similar to the pacing of tkm. There were quite a few scenes that felt very similar to tkm, the general flow was also very similar. Just instead of jerejeans relationship forming we got jean forming relationships in general

-again tagging onto that, the scene where he braided lailas hair was the scene that made me cry hardest.

-what we saw of the foxes made me so violently ill in the best way possible. The fear in jean at seeing neil laying on the court floor after a raven check AGAIN was so brutal, even through jeremys pov. I dont think we would have survived the raven/fox game through jeans eyes tbh. Jean had too much on the line. He would never admit it but he loves neil, Neil is essentially family to him. We see that in his blind and unending trust in him

-again, sue me, speaking of that. Why the fuck did neil not tell AT LEAST Andrew abt his doings in california??? Was it to avoid bringing up andrews trauma?? Bc anything else goes so violently against everything that andriel is i will not stand for it. If this fandom is good at one thing its saying to hell with canon and making up what we want to believe and I will blind myself into whatever fanon I need to if we get a reason for neils omission as anything other than misguided protection of Andrew. Bc yes, it would be misguided. Letting his bf know he put a fucking hit out on someone is smt he should have done despite the state and circumstances. Though I digress

-back to jean and the fox/raven game. He was so fucking worried abt neil and andrew that I all out refuse to believe we wont get more updates. I know that this series is jeans, and Im not saying give either of them a pov or anything, but it would be nice if we got to see the two of them have a conversation with Jean together in the next book. Maybe andrews arm slung across neils shoulders as they watch him graduate??

-im pretty sure what we are leading up to championship wise is a fox/trojan showdown. Despite what Jean said abt not knowing if the foxes can pull off a miracle two years in a row and the whole freshman fox situation, Im betting that is going to be where we end. And as far as who wins, I have no guesses. The foxes beat the ravens at full strength with nine players and a prayer. Despite how badly the last of the ravens fucked them up, I am willing to put good money that nora will plot armor their asses to championships.

-speaking of plot armor, how the fuck did andrew manage to take neils weight, even if it wasnt all of it, to help him off the field with a broken clavicle that required surgery???? Ik wymack and abby got there in a couple seconds but Andrew still managed to do it

-okay Ill, begrudgingly, put the foxes aside bc i have more thoughts

-I love jeremy, Jean, cat and lailas casual intimacy with one another. The four of them move as a singular unit half the time and it holds a special place in my heart

-I do kind of think that this next book is going to end with Jeremy forsaking his family. We are seeing the cracks in whatever resolve he had up and to this point. And to back that up, while their different in so many ways, the series is taking some hints from the structure of the original trilogy and with that I dont think its an unreasonable stretch to assume that there is going to be another "who is he going to choose" moment. And how beautiful would that be to have the choice be between soulmate and family yet again? This time tho I think we will get a clearer answer if this happens again bc it genuinely took me like two full rereads of the og trilogy to piece together that andrew actually chose neil and I know from friends that Im not alone in this.

-as far as jerejean, I do think that the progression of their relationship is going to be similar tho different from andriels. Also I use their ship names to refere to them bc im too exhausted to type out their names, sue me. Anyways, I think that as far as similarities, there is a good chance it is going to start out sexual. Jeremy doesnt have enough belief in himself to have an actual relationship and Jean still has a lot of internalized homophobia from the nest ((riko)) to sort through. If I had to make an educated guess I would say something abt Jean reclaiming his body and Jeremy slowly realizing that he is allowed to give this part of himself to someone who actually cares for him. Though as far as how I think their gonna be different from andriel... well I mean it doesnt take a genius to figure that their probably going to be a bit more openly affectionate/quite a bit less derranged. I do also assume that if we get a canonical endgame jerejean that Jeremy is going to have to cut ties with his family. They are violently homophobic and will probably not have any interest in entertaining the idea of jeremy being associated with them any further

-stepping away from their relationship bc i just remembered something. Jeremy calls his father sir, which i know is a thing a lot of military kids do but it is also obviously indicative that Jeremy has respect for this man regardless of his continued absence in his life. It might just be that he is the parent who wasnt there to be abusive towards him... or it might be that jeremys father, in some way, deserves the respect?? We know Jeremy has a complicated relationship with his family and how he sees them we see that in his "shes my mom cat" towards the end and ofc throughout the rest of the book. But Jeremy was the one who kept reaching out, and kept his fathers calls logged in a journal, and still refers to him with honorifics- i want more Jeremy lore

-back to jerejean, im willing to bet that we are going to get an "i cant pick him over my family" breakdown from Jeremy and Im guessing that it is going to be William who helps him make the decision. "If you cant tell whos side im on your not as smart as I thought" or whatever it was that he said. He wants Jeremy to be happy, he knows Jeremy is not happy in that damn house, and he has shown that he is willing to buck the rules to ensure that Jeremy can scrounge up whatever joy he can.

-I think jeans moment of panic is going to be more of an internal thing, like "am I even good enough to ask Jeremy to forsake his family for me" and despite all the logic I think it is going to be Neil who he calls. Bc Neil did that. As far as Jean knows Neil could have deadass looked at Andrew and went "me or Aaron" he wasnt there for it like we were. And I think Neil is going to be his usual criptic self but give enough reassurance that he gets an affectionate "your a vile wretch" from Jean or smt of the sort.

-wymack still considering Jean one of his kids even if he isnt a fox warms my heart. He called Jean. He let kevin send Jean to California. He was willing to do whatever Jean asked. Wymack my love

-speaking of coaches who kill me every chance they get: rhemann. Fucking hell i love that man. He had my heart before jeans breakdown but afterwards? He earned himself a nice shiny spot next to wymack. With the way Jean described the preceeding events Im assuming rhemann had to carry him out of the gold court or at the very least shoulder most of his weight to get him out bc Jean seemed fairly out of it, and rhemann definetly had to carry him into the house once they got there bc if jeans recollection is right Im pretty sure he was unconscious and if not then so heavily disassociated I dont think he would have been coherent enough.

-also small shout out to rhemann and adi, love them

-the end scene of the book has me conflicted. And this is probably going to be my last bullet point bc I am dead tired rn. While I do, obviously, understand that Jean wasnt sure what Jeremy was doing when he leaned over to kiss rex/jaberwackys head, I dont really understand what Jeans gut reaction there was. He doesnt explain in his internal monologue, he is far more worried abt making Jeremy less terrified and keeping the dog safe. But the reaction was instinctual, almost seemingly second nature. Which I dont 100% understand. Jeremy and Jean are often very close to one another, in each others orbit more than their not to quote Jean ((yes I know he said this abt andriel that isnt what I meant)) and Jean has stated repeatedly that he whole heartedly trusts Jeremy. Also the gut reaction in context doesnt necessarily make sense to me, it might be a me thing Im not discrediting that, and also traumatized people sometimes have instincts that only make sense to them if that bc their brain is in survival mode, so it might have been an attempt by nora to show that, but having it as the last scene in the book feels odd to me. The only thing I can assume is that Jean wasnt processing what was happening just saw jeremy coming at him quickly and reacted but also we see him not reacting to other similar situations often. You could argue that its bc Jean has feelings for Jeremy but we see Jean not reacting to Jeremy making fast movements, getting in his space and touching him throughout the series so far so I just dont get it. Now there could be a less meta reason for it, being that nora needed smt to trigger Jean thinking abt how the rules he has held to arent in place anymore but they are for him but maybe he could let them go but trauma. But he thinks pretty similar thoughts in other parts of the series too so I just dont understand. And it might be me, Im not saying it vouldnt be. Idk, I feel like the last scene in thebbook was an odd place to have such a vaugely explained and not previously seen trauma response from Jean towards Jeremy.

Okay thats all. Im gonna reread the series with tgr and give more well rounded and coherent thoughts some time in the next week. If you read all of this consider yourself a saint

[andrew-dramaqueen-minyard]

Jean about Neil and Kevin basically: I am intrinsically linked to them, they are me and I am them in some way, I would trust them with my life and would go to the ends of the earth if they asked me to, our fates and souls are intertwined, they are my Achilles heel and I could and would not exist in a world without them in it.

Also Jean: ew no, they’re not my friends, have you met them? Insufferable and annoying.

[dykekarkat]

okay sorry im literally never going to be normal about "i wouldn't have given him to you if i'd known you would just throw him away so carelessly". jean is saying this to ANDREW after andrew interrogates him over grayson and the possibility of him having touched neil. andrew who came back from easthaven to see that neil the Real Boy josten went to the nest for him. neil josten who doesnt remember the nest at all. who might not even know if he was raped or assaulted.

he asks jean because jean was there, jean was complicit even if he was hurt by the same monster, and jean will Know. and jean gives him the answer he needs to hear, because andrew almost lost neil only a few months ago and andrew stood on the stand only a few weeks ago and detailed all the horrible things that have been done to him for everyone to hear (everyone knows now bee) and andrew would NOT have been able to handle the fact that he kissed/touched neil the first time only a few weeks after the nest. if grayson had in fact touched him.

so this. despite the understanding jean and andrew have of each other (jean's hand on his neck, andrew's ever present armbands) is andrew needing to know so he can protect neil, even if at this point grayson is dead and gone. AND THEN. for jean to TURN IT BACK ON ANDREW. to imply andrew does not care enough about neil to take care of himself, which would allow him to more effectively protect him, to remind andrew of the fact that JEAN got neil out of the nest. that jean kept him alive in there and returned him to south carolina not whole but not broken.

for jean to say andrew was throwing him away, the way jean got thrown away by his parents, the way elodie got thrown away by their parents. jean who may not have been able to truly protect neil in the nest, jean who has gained neil's devotion and protection despite that, who could not protect him but would Keep him no matter what. like wow okay this is crazy tthat interaction was actually fucking insane like that was so fucking oahvdskskjsdkjg.

[the-sparrows-providence]

Jean saying Cat’s full name like a scandalized French mother

[saintofsacrilege]

jean, andrew, and neil should start an “i survived a homoerotic situationship with kevin day” club

[scholliski]

thinking about a 14 year old Jean, terrified and confused, having fallen in love with a 16 year old Kevin, as stupid as he was beautiful, simply because he was the first person Jean had ever known who didn’t actively abuse him, who smiled at him and tried defending him, so he clung onto Kevin and his postcards and his secret French lessons for nearly half a decade in that cold stadium basement before the only semblance of happiness in his life was ripped away from him without even a wave goodbye mere weeks after his 18th birthday

[adamsrcnan]

the concept of an older aged jean moreau with a scruffy five o'clock shadow and a figure that's broad and filled out, coming back into his house from his back garden in the early morning. pulling his soil stained garden gloves off, his garden shirt and trousers also stained with soil, his skin sun kissed and a little sweaty, a bucket hat on his head (one that jeremy insisted he wear after he lightly burned his cheeks in the sun one time). a bucket of fresh vegetables in his hand that he dumps on the kitchen floor. him reaching to pour himself a glass of cold water, and patting the family dogs on the head as they come to sniff the mud on him, before diving their noses into his bucket of veggies. him lightly shooing them away then gulping down his water and then shedding his dirty clothes and dumping them in the laundry room. him padding through the house in his boxers and up to the bedroom to find jeremy still snoozing in their bed, his legs all tangled in the sheets, his bare back lit by the sun spilling in through the windows. jean leaning over to press a kiss to his temple and brushing his hair back from his face before whispering that he'll be in the shower. him moving away and then smiling when jeremy's hand grabs for him, tugging at his boxers at the last second while he sleepily mumbles to for jean to take him with him.

[doesephs]

nora has seen this and given it the star of approval (a like on twitter) meaning jeremy has a fursona

[solemnswearings]

ok i’m excited for a lot of things, but can we talk about more jean playing exy? cuz when they were scrimmaging in tsc and he just like—pulled jeremey forward, grabbed the ball, and casually flicked it to the other side if the court one handed?? with a heavy?? like I WANT MORE JEAN PLAYING EXY!! PLEASE HE IS A PRODIGY! LET HIM SHINE!!!

[ckreadsblog]

Kevin "it will be easier if he remains heterosexual" Day - picking only gays so far for his Perfect Court

I know what you are, Kevin

[bottomdrawer-drawerbottom]

It's honestly such a shame that Jeremy still hasn't really met Neil... Them talking about Jean would be my Roman Empire. Neil, his misplaced forever partner, and Jeremy, his forever partner in this one.

Also the banter potential is endless you can't change my mind

[erlie]

One of the requests, which was Jean learning to cook.

He is ready to hit that pancake so hard, if it threatens him or Cat.

[heartstringgs]

-The Foxhole Court, 2013

-The Sunshine Court, 2024

[jordiipordii]

please, please, please— let us never forget when Jeremy got a happiness boner from being called one of “his people.” what a sweetie

[the-sparrows-providence]

Imagine Kevin Day calling your personality intolerable. As in superstar diva “fuck you” Queen Kevin Day. That Kevin Day.

I’d be ruined. Could never recover from that.

[saintofsacrilege]

let’s make a list of the wildest things nora has included in previous aftg drafts. i’ll start:

kandreil canon

kevin wanting andrew but hooking up with neil while andreil was already a thing

…therefore: queer kevin real

jean dying in every draft except the final one

kevin telling andrew “you were always going to lose him” after neil got kidnapped

neil originally being a girl

neil and jean casually making out during neil’s time at the nest

feel free to add more! i love learning lore about old versions of aftg