#tbh rn i hate myself
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#being neuro divergent or at least very shitty at human relationships sucks#i hate it#tbh rn i hate myself#why do i never grasp what can be told or not#what's a secret or not#and what people actually agree to when they say yes to something#i'm so shit at keeping my mouth shut even when i truly really try to#i want to kms rn#i won't obv but yeah#it's a disgusting mix of shame anger fear and sadness in my brain rn#not really linking the taste of it#pia's oversharing
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1x04 - What We | The Ones Who Live
#i am utterly feral#like i cannot be introduced into society or an indoor environment rn#Rick Grimes#towl spoilers#The Ones Who Live#*#rg#HOW DOES HE KEEP GETTING MORE HANDSOME STOP IT#F U Z Z I E S#CHEST FUZZIES DO YOU SEE THEM#NECK FUZZIES#SCARS#THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS#I AM WINNING#even his adams apple is nice#i hate myself#the slope of his shoulders 🗣#if i could just rest my face on his chest for a few i think it could solve a lot of problems i have tbh#put me in traction#until i walk like i'm about to duel at the OK Corral#[redacted] inside me#hello welcome to the tour#on your left you will see A MAN™#i have a very hectic week ahead i need to go to bed#would give a kidney to draw idle patterns in his chest hair#*rabid whale noises*#i don't think whales can get rabies but if they could that's what i sound like rn#that man would look like an ancient capri sun pouch when i was done#go to bed lacey
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couple of mello + near doodles
#death note#mello#mihael keehl#near#nate river#meronia#bright colors#eyestrain#been having fun w colors recently :3#these are the product of me really really really not wanting to do some discussion boards#like i don’t even hate discussion boards but something about them has been filling me with dread i’d rather just do exams tbh#i'm like dragging myself through the rest of this semester but it's different from last semester last semester i was losing my mind#this semester i've been able to sleep more than 4 hours a night and go outside bc it's not freezing but also i'm just so fucking done#with school i've been here too long i'm tired but i'm always tired and will always be tired it's tragic honestly i think i'd be more cool#with school if i weren't living how i am rn w my family but eh i don't have the money to move out so it's whatever and it doesn't really#help that i know i'll have to get at least a master's to really do anything in my field and the though of doing more of this makes#me so tired i think i might take a gap year after i get my bachelors this fall idk#anyways enjoy my doodles or don't if you don't want to i'm not the boss of you
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one of my fave traits about erik is how sassy he is so i dont understand how im always surprised to find during rewatches of the xmen movies that he is So Sassy at like. any given moment
#xmen#xmen first class#i rewatched first class tonight so im just tagging that but this applies throughout the movies tbh vlakjklj#erik lehnsherr#snap chats#i think its cause i just watched dofp last night and hes Considerably less sassy there ...#the lil 'no helmet: i couldnt [go against the plan] even if i wanted to' is my favorite tho but otherwise its just pain ....#SHUT UP THIS IS A GIGGLY POST ima make myself sad again ..#i keep thinkin bout how i cant wait to have free time so i can draw cause i wanna draw saw cherik cause i HATE MYSELF#and now this post has derailed. excellent.#IN ANY CASE this can be said about most marvel characters but it just tickles me with erik the most#cause even Old Man Erik is such a little shitter 😭😭💀#watching jean and cyclops about to fight in the second movie and he really gotta make a quip to mystique about#'we cant quarrel with THIS love affair' GIRLFRIEND. BE SO SERIOUS RN#NO CAUSE EVEN IN THE BACK OF THE JET WHEN MEETING PYRO AND CO AND THEY WERE GIGGLING#I CANT. the sillies ..... i forget who they were chortling about atm i just know they were so silly and i love them#its doing an excellent job at distracting me from the fact he's trying to subdue every non-mutant human vjaerlkjkeal#ok obligatory nightly xmen ramble over
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How are you painting all of these linktober prompts daily ?!?!!? They’re so detailed and amazing omg
LOL my dear linktober enjoyer, thank you so much for saying this, and I'm glad you asked
Truth is, I'm not exactly doing them daily (ᵕ—ᴗ—)
I started making thumbnails for the prompts back in September. Last year was my first linktober, and I tried to daily draw and finish prompts same-day and I burnt out so hard and bailed around day 10. I learned the hard way that it was just too tough and sadly I'm not good at working a daily pace because I get too invested in my coloring and rendering process.
So basically this year I finished 90% of my thumbnails by end of September, then on the weekends in October I try to fully render like 4 or 5 posts from my thumbnails. I still make little tweaks to various prompts pretty much every day of October. Each of my posts takes anywhere from 1-4 hours to finish, and I can't do that level of drawing nightly because 1) I work in mental health and am too tired at night with no time lol and 2) that would destroy my hand and wrist probably
Here's process of thumbnails from a few of my more recent posts. I try to prioritize getting good composition flow & values, and then throw down local color and call it a day
In my opinion, it's safe to assume that unless someone does art for a living, they are likely doing a lot of prep and baby steps behind the scenes like this. I'm happy to be open about it to give this matter more transparency & normalcy
Moral of the story, there's no shame doing what works best for you so you can actually enjoy your hobbies! :)
#don't judge my weird little reference photos lol#and imma be real I used to HATE thumbnails and always wanted to finish a fully rendered drawing in one sitting#I've had to learn to manage my expectations and give myself patience and compassion lol#Tbh I'm only like 5 prompts ahead of the current day rn I'm slacking a little rn#but I hope this is helpful bc I also used to be like “wtf how are ppl creating so much art so fast” and then suddenly it feels like a race#which is no fun and not the point! at least imo
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what are your kg ships? can be ships you absolutely love or also ships you think are cute.
I absolutely love 🩷Cindix💙 x100000
it grew on me and now it's like my biggest ship! 🫶 But it's also the only "popular" ship I have cuz I like lots of lesser known ships like:
💚Emindy🩷 and 💜Austix💙
( those two coexist in my mind. If I'm not shipping Cindy with Felix, I'm most likely shipping her with Emmy. Same goes for the boys. Listen, you just gotta see the vision )
Now for some that I like but I'm not as crazy about as the ones above: Perla, Bindy, Felonty, oooh and I really like Austemmy!! and a bunch of others. And I mean a BUNCH.
But yeah I'm veeery open minded when it comes to ships, the joy of being a multishipper ^^
#those aren't even all the ships i have. I will pretty much like any piece of fanart if i find it cute ( and most of the time i do!! )#I'm also interested in seeing what kind of interactions Felix and Alice will have in the game so I'm keeping an eye on em for the time bein#Also a veeeery niche ship i have is Cindy x Carla.... They're cute okay i don't need to explain myself#also felget is such a guilty pleasure 😭😭😔🫶🫶🫶#also one sided theonny. One sided. I only draw this ship if i make it angsty lol cuz otherwise it's way too sweet it makes me 🤸♀️🤸♀️#idk how to feel about them tbh like i find them adorable but i literally hate them together but i love them and they're good for eavh other#theonny makes me crazy that's why i try not to think about it too hard 🥲#also FELOZZY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thank Ray for this#i kowkey sneaked Felonty in there and that's okay 😁#i am too sleep deprived to think rn that's why I'm rambling. gonna sleep now:3#kindergarten#asks#anonymous#kg 2#kindergarten 2#kindergarten game
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can u guys do me a favor and tell me if these annie week prompts are any good? ill love u forever
monday - gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss
sometimes, annie can find herself in some difficult situations. create a scenario where she gets herself out of one all by herself
tuesday - walk, walk fashion baby
whether she’s in capitol clothing or back in district 4, we all know annie cresta is serving absolute cunt. let’s talk about that
wednesday - free space
create whatever you want, with none other than annie cresta being the star!
thursday - queen of the craft
create a scenario where annie lets her creativity shine
friday - into the unknown
annie makes a discovery. is it about her sense of self? about her district? about a secret third thing? well, that's up to you
saturday - paint the town red
lets have annie go a little apeshit. as a treat
sunday - paying it forward
by now, annie is pretty familiar with pulling herself out of a difficult situation. lets see her help someone else out of a tough spot
#fuck my literal life dude#i tried to make these cutsie but (not to be cringe) im fucking hungover and i close tn and i hate everything#most of the prompts i thought of yesterday were busts too! fridays prompt in particular will never see the light of day#yall wouldn't see me the same... *i* dont see myself the same#anyway mondays and sundays prompts are so similar on purpose#to like capture her growth#and maybe im in a bad mood but now im like. wow. so unoriginal#same goes with the titles. like is that a frozen fucking 2 reference#but. if you guys are okay with this + the prompts are clear then ill go ahead and make an official post#prob will be copy and pasting the format from odesta week bc tbh i cant be bothered rn
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This is my favorite image ever I think
#burger#guys oh my GOD I had a burger the other day after not having one for like ? almost a year I think? nearly fainted#it was so glorious and amazing#bacon cheeseburger save me…save me bacon cheeseburger…bacon cheeseburger….#I love burgers but only like once a year#like if I eat them on a regular basis I find them disgusting#I have to limit myself#okay I really don’t know why I’m talking about my burger eating habits rn MOVING ON#anyways#JINNNN🫶🫶🫶#the Jin fixation is soooo crazy rn#obsessed w him tbh#since atlas is so obsessed w spin-offs they NEED to give me a Strega spinoff#like I do NOT need to see the phantom thieves for the umpteenth time GIVE ME STREGA PLEASEEE PLEASE PLEA#no hate to the phantom thieves still love them 🫶 I just need them to MOVE and make room for some other cast members 🫶#IM JUST SAYINGHGGG#still love them tho#all I’m saying is atlas has soooo many cool side characters that perhaps they should oh I don’t know maybe focus on them a little more#please#for my personal sake#they should make a Strega spinoff and in the title screen say “for tumblr user gio-cosmo’’#come on atlas I’m waiting 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️#LMAOOO#persona 3#p3#jin shirato#persona 3 reload
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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i still cant like. look at the stuff i made while in art school as anything other than (for the most part) miserablepointless and frankly uninspired garbage, which is a bummer bc most of it didn't sell during the BFA show either so i still have a lot of my senior show stuff haunting my residence. A lot of the projects i LIKED working on kinda suck in hindsight on a technical or overall execution level and all the ones I didnt that got completed tbh suck but in a different way (negative association bc of pressure ig?) but if one thing's certain
its that i shouldve been drawing man eating bugmen with their dicks out way sooner in pursuing my degree
#rent lowering shots that i should NOT have withheld#i wish i could do some screenprints eithout feeling messy/burdensome. linocut eould require me to restock on blades and get myself like#a strop and whetstone. i havr all my screenprinting supplies and even fabric inks#i just cant justify printing with how much of a mess it makes indoors tbh#i rlly rlly wanted to do a screenprint of ahab limbus bc i was so so moved by that canto and i hatelove that wretched hag and wanted to do>#her some sort of beautiful justice. but. i. do not think i coukd do that rn#its frustrating bc i feel like i havent rlly recovered from that burnout. why did i go to srt school knowing i hate being told what to do#not art
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tomorrow is my first day back to work and I'm a lil nervous
I haven't been able to get anything written for here bc I've been trying to get a couple other things written (updating my Bill Cipher redemption fic and starting a Gyutaro x reader x Daki because I make poor life choices)
but I'm on light duty for a month, basically just sitting at the register checking people out, unable to do any stocking or anything bc I'm not allowed to lift anything over 15 pounds so I can't lift totes, bend much, or reach much, so I'm allowed to bring something to do in between customers... maybe I'll get some writing done? I feel as if I'll be slacking off bc that's how my brain works
but you know what, I kill myself for that store normally, I don't work full time simply because I can't afford medical insurance if I did, but even working only part time I give my all while I'm there, I'm not someone who slacks off. so if I'm healthfully and approvedly permitted to slack off and take it easy for a month, I guess I'll take it (... plus, I mean, I'll still be working, just light duty, it's not like I'll show up and get paid to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, I'm still gonna be ringing out customers)
ANYWAY MY POINT IS-
get those last requests in! after I get home from work tomorrow, I'll be closing the askbox and won't open it back up till this batch is finished and I swear I mean that this time 😂
#mod post#should I have ordered Jessii Vee merch knowing I am not getting paid for two weeks bc I didn't work for two weeks ? maybe not#BUT DAMMIT THIS IS WHY I HAVE SAVINGS#'weirdness all the way ' button and YANA 'be kind' button and squishy pink gummi bear COME TO ME#... been uh. been doing a lot of impulse online shopping while I've been sitting at home bc idk it scratches a certain itch in my brain#and my mama has been nice enough to be buying most of my food when I usually buy my own just bc it's hard for me to walk around much rn#but I'm feeling a lot better physically I just get tired easily so hopefully I'm gonna be back to buying my own food soon#like I appreciate everything my mom and lil bro have been doing for me but MAN I don't like being UNABLE to do shit myself you know?#I took a shower this morning and it exhausted me and Mom had to be in there to help me the whole time in case I lost my balance or smth#it's better than it was the first week but I still hate feeling like I've temporarily lost some of my independence#I can't wait to shower by myself again and for it not to drain me#which is such a small thing to want and miss but like#OKAY TAG RANT OVER THIS RECOVERY IS JUST DRAGGING#I'm getting old tbh that's what it is I'm 30 and don't bounce back like I used to 😂😂😂😂
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just went through the worst break of my life after being in a committed relationship for like 2 and a half years so um... prepare for hella angst content very soon 🫰🏼
#➴collisvng thoughts ✨️#wanna cry but can't bring myself to tbh#i hate everything rn but it's fineeeee#kinda screaming and cheering rn tbh
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not to be cringe and not to perpetuate the stereotype or anything sorry but i'm enjoying a serene sunny patch of grass on my university campus with an academic book sorryy not to look like a brochure
#grounding myself after the group project meeting#biomed eng#trying to find some positives tbh in general i hate it here rn#and i need to be working but have no energy#instead i'll get vitamin d that's something
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IM NOT BACK YET Just one quick post ummm does anyone have like literally any clue on how to deal with HPD. Because ohhh my God this is so bad and I have zero clue how to deal with it. When the personality disorder disorders
#I'm also insanely paranoid rn that all my friends actually fucking hate me and are all talking about me behind my back to one another and#they're going to put together a massive thing about why they hate me so much and why I'm an awful person and then after sending that to me#they'll block me on everything and never talk to me again. 👍#Usually I can rationalize myself out of things but ummmm. Major breakdown tbh.#Which is contributing to my paranoia also because with my old friends anytime we'd have breakdowns or spirals they'd save it to use against#us later. Really cool and I'm doing really well guys (LYING)#⛪️
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man i used some kt tape for my knee this morning bc it was hurting rly bad (its my problem knee) and decided fuck it why not try it! i have some! (i tape my jaw bc of pain/stability issues)
and i came across a video from an OT with hEDS talking abt how they tape their knees earlier in the day so i thought id go and dig that video up and try it. and it helped a bunch yay!!!
but i did not think i was gonna notice such a difference between my taped knee and my untaped one even tho my other one was not in pain!! like just the massive difference in stability was staggering. I super noticed it when we went out grocery shopping and therefore was walking a bunch.
I ended up also taping my knee that wasnt in pain just to have the stability.
Will be experimenting with other joints in the future.
#burnt the eggs#i think i will also be experimenting with other taping methouds bc i dont think this one is perfect for the pain im having#but its GREAT for stability#its also great bc i hate hate hate knee braces and will not wear them#and also just didnt rly think i needed them tbh#listen i didnt know my knee caps werent supposed to jiggle like they do until a WEEK ago bc no one ever told me ok#i think i will be loooking to see if there r any ways 2 tape hips i can do myself next#bc my hip pain has been BAAAAAD#but i got so much tape on me rn idk if i wanna do it like right now yknow
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its not even cold enough yet out to turn on the heater for long, like, by the time the suns out and im waking up its boiling inside of the house, but night time its freezing. so i keep having to switch back and forth between heat and a/c, its drivin me bonkers
#im chilly rn. honestly if it were my place id just keep the thing off most of the time right now. even if it gets cold at night. bc#the house holds onto heat.#but my dad refuses to let me touch the thermostat and change it to how i need or like. so its just blghhhghfg#TBH also in the summer if it were my place id keep it cold as hell. like if ur cold just bring a jacket im keepin that shit cold#i overheat so easy constantly and i get cold easy. but id rather be cold.#the last hosue had no a/c im never living like that again if i can help it#i felt like i was having a heart attack every single day and was drenched every day and couldnt have energy to be happy enjoy myself or eve#breathe at all. it sucked so bad. hate that house. hate it so much. LOATHE that house.
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