#talk to me about books if u want ive read many

[cherrysolo]

hi my love again hehe!! in one of your posts you were asking about luigi's goodreads!! and i made an analysis about the books he's read that ive read here it is if u want to read it :))

sapiens - also part of luigi's favorite's list!! this is by yuval noah harrari my GOAT guys.. i cannot STOP yapping about this book!! if u guys dont like reading very bulky texts and js want to get the main point there's a graphic history version and it's ive read it spits out points very concisely !! so either book it's all good :)) it's veryvery interesting it talks about evolution and why humans act like humans!! i love history and yuval noah harrari made me love evolution so much!! this book was rated a 5/5 by luigi (deserved hehe) girl honestly anyone ANYONE who gave sapiens a chance would also rate it 5/5 or a high rating it's a timeless lighthouse on the fog of defining humanity so since luigi is a very left brained man this deff fits his character all in all (oh js wanted to mention he rated sapiens: graphic history a 4/5)

harry potter - he rated 1st-3rd book a 5/5 def deserved !! ofc it's a classic ive had my harry potter phase die out and live again MULTIPLE times harry potter is probably apart of many people including luigi's first books ive read and loved list

the little prince - 4/5 (by luigi) it still freaks me out that he read the same books as a lot of us, watched the same movies as a lot of us, and that he's js a regular human but his actions moved society to forward him to transcend into the status of being "it is hell on earth to be heavenly - ts", almost even myth-like anyways back to the little prince it's rlly an AMAZING book !! it's a short read and it speaks so much about taking the truth of growing up and adulthood and making it alien through a child's eyes def made a lot of people relive an innocence that once was

animal farm - he rated this a 4/5 and i agree with that i read animal farm for school and it is a classic, so typical and so true i reference it all the time for me i gave it a 3/5 on my goodreads too because halfway through the book PLSDONT FLAME ME FOR THIS i kind ofalready picked up what george orwell was putting down - especially for the ending it was a bit obvious for me PLS DONT GET MAD IM SORRY anw it talks about the oppressive effects of a dictatorship (specifically communist government) and basically talks about how EVERYTHING gets political and even a revolution that looks toward freedom can get blurred when u lose ur ideals that's the main message i got out of this!!

the art of war - i havent finished the art of war yet..sigh.. he rated this a 4/5 and it's fitting since from the reviews ive read it's very strategic and calculated js like luigi so the rating matches with his personality

so sorry that's all the book titles that ive recognized in his roster.. I FEEL SO BEHIND but on a serious note i feel rlly inspired to read more books!! school has been so draining :(( and ive been lacking time to read im trying to light the spark again this year

i saw a lot of philosophy and psychology and self help books (including health about back pain) he's so avid about self-improvement it's stunning

i remember in luigi's reddit too he was very staunch about the fact that when he wanted to bring a book in his backpack it had to be physical and not kindle and he enumerated like 4 points to justify it it was so cute and made me so happy coz i shared the same views as him

oh and i also wanted to mention that luigi is an absolute culture absorber !! so inspiring he reads books about the places he goes to eg. hawaii and based on pictures he's a very openminded social butterfly hehe

luigi is a walking pursuit of wonder. like he read elon musk and the unabomber for specific reasons and i think it's because he was curious to find out the mindset of these people that yk he doesnt exactly idolize to euphonize it at least.. so if we wanna find out what type of person luigi is i think itd be good to judge that based on the books he's read def since it's what he's been exposed to/chosen to be exposed to so if anyone who has read the same books as he has u can always anon message me/make a post hehe i find his mind so interesting!! i love u so much!! i hope you're doing amazing!! good luck at uni!! (not that ur gonna need it hehe) sending so much love and admiration!! i mean poli sci??? now we need a standing ovulation for that. love u so much!!

OMFG I LOVE THIS SM!!!! I find it so interesting the array of books he’s read! he definitely doesn’t conform to one genre of books. especially in his tbr goodreads shelf he had a book about female pleasure….. we love a man who can read! haha

his post about not having a kindle and rather a physical book makes me giggle! I previously shared the same views, because nothing compares to holding the actual real book! But I now have a kindle and it has changed my reading habits completely! he would definitely be a lil suspicious if his so read on a kindle, because why choose a device over real writing on a page???

I definitely agree with you that reading can be so draining and book slumps are inevitable! I always try to set reading goals but I rarely accomplish them lol. do you think that luigi always set a goodreads yearly reading goal too? I wonder what his goal was set to!

I genuinely have such a smile on my face reading these replies ahhh!!!! ily <3

[andromeddog]

Do you have any tips for drawing soldiers uniforms?

hi anon! really really long, really really rambling answer for u below the cut <3

i have many thoughts! ig the first thing is, what are your intentions with what you want to draw? are you going for complete accuracy, or is it more of a vibe situation? bc you don’t always need to be perfectly precise with uniforms, sometimes just suggesting what’s there is enough. being completely 100% with them can sometimes be distracting or unnecessary…

LIKE HERE FOR EXAMPLE….. in the snafu piece i kind of only hinted at what he was wearing… the belt, the pants, theyre really all over the place. but that’s not what’s important here or what i was trying to depict, so that’s okay! u want to see snaf being crazy, which i got more w shading and color. whereas in the piece w speirs, being precise in what he’s wearing lends itself to the war dog intensity of the whole guy. he wears that helmet proudly and holds tightly to the strap of his gun, very much IN his uniform in this moment

(do i think either of these r successful? idk. looking back on the work ive made and viewing them as complete “””””art”””””””” pieces is wack. am i in art school again. these certainly are drawings, let’s just assume they are worthy of this sort of analysis and that for sake of argument are “successful”)

buuuuuuut u can also go too crazy with pinpoint accuracy haha. like this pic? maybe it was just bc i was using a monoline brush but there was literally no reason to draw every single fold. it makes this drawing incredibly busy and unpleasant to look at. i think im just obsessive and get too invested in the details and miss the forest for the trees. so u get shit garbage like this sometimes, but that’s a me problem. i would just keep an eye on what the purpose of the drawing is!

if it’s accuracy ur going for (which i usually am) then reference is your best friend. look in different places for them, collect them, caress them like a lover, they are very important. after u look at soldiers a lot u can kind of get a feel for how specific uniforms sit on them (watching shows, movies, hell even gifsets if u r extra online like me) but that varies for whatever era ur trying to draw! spending time researching is kind of a big part of the process haha. be willing to scroll through lots of pics and lots of sources, if ur really dedicated to the cause then maybe buy some reference books!

in general i find uniforms are practical, durable, and layered for utility. everything has a purpose, those fifty straps going cross body are usually attached to fifty pouches, each with their own functional use. understanding the different parts of a uniform, their uses, the WHY of an items inclusion helps build the whole look in ur head and translates to the drawing. uniforms are bulkier than i initially expected bc they are meant to fit as many ppl as possible and typically have little to no tailoring (if we’re talking ww2. ww1 was all over the place w uniforms, especially officers, but that’s another ramble for another friday night). each era and each country and sometimes even each soldier’s uniform has its own little quirks. that’s what’s so appealing about research and drawing them for me! isn’t it neat how ppl’s individual preferences shine through even when they all have to wear the exact same thing!!!!

did any of this help at all??? i am chronically incapable of keeping things succinct! but if u read all of this thank you! i love u 🦆✨

[joeloverture]

ok, more on this because apparently i have to say all of this. if responding to it makes the hate worse i honestly could not give less of a fuck about it than i already do. i am here to express myself so u best believe that is what my ass will be doing!!

this is gonna be a bit long and a bit winded bc ive been keeping this close to my chest for a while.

i genuinely don't fucking write for an audience. if i was writing for an audience you'd have never seen me post fair's fair. you'd have never seen me writing flesh currency! i write what i want. when i'm horny. when i want to make other people horny (i guess?). when i feel like it. when im healthy enough to do it.

no my fics are not the magnum opus. no they arent being strung up in the goddamn louvre. that isnt what im trying to do. i juice joy out of my fanfic writing and am KIND enough to put it on the internet for others to enjoy if they so wish. nobody is holding you at gunpoint to read my "shit writing".

fanfic writers either dont post enough or they post too much you really, really gotta pick one.

i spent like 5 months on hiatus in debilitating pain and was in and out of the hospital for a few weeks out of those months. i couldnt even write a goddamn diary entry. you have no idea how happy i am to have my creative voice back.

its... my winter break. of fucking course im writing lol i dont have anything else to do!!!! there's nothing else id rather be doing because i actually like this!

id rather write as a hobby than crank out anon hate, personally. maybe that's a me issue?

then, a bit more on identity and the role of identity in all of this

ive had to start counting the amount of anons i get with hateful slurs in them. since coming back i've been called the r slur. the f slur. the c slur. the b slur. everything in the fucking book. not only is it uncreative, its regressive.

y'all either dont like me because im annoying or blatantly showing autistic traits or outspoken abt being marginalized or bc you dislike my writing or because you have absolutely nothing better to do (the latter of which is particularly pathetic)

regardless you are weaponizing my identity to either try to terrorize me in general or drive me off of this site. think about how weird that is.

also so many of these asks are laden with an undercurrent of ableism. like, oh my god, the disabled girl is posting a lot ! woah! holy shit! call the fucking news outlets!

oh my god, the disabled girl is showing autism traits on main!!!! should we call autism speaks? should we invite sia?

this isnt even me defending myself, i feel no obligation to defend myself against these fuckers. i just did want to arrange my thoughts for the dash. sometimes talking helps me compose that sort of thing.

[marzipanlvr]

Please yesss 👀👀 post about his books you found and your thoughts

hello anon!! hope ur good!! OMG HELLO? HELP ME ARE U GIVING ME A WARRANT TO YAP... here's the real thing i don't want to disclose my age but im a teenager and i havent read all the books he's read (it's impending doom laying upon me ALWAYS :(( feeling so behind rn) but ill talk about the books ive read that he's read!!

sapiens - also part of luigi's favorite's list!! this is by yuval noah harrari my GOAT guys.. i cannot STOP yapping about this book!! if u guys dont like reading very bulky texts and js want to get the main point there's a graphic history version and it's ive read it spits out points very concisely !! so either book it's all good :)) it's veryvery interesting it talks about evolution and why humans act like humans!! i love history and yuval noah harrari made me love evolution so much!! this book was rated a 5/5 by luigi (deserved hehe) girl honestly anyone ANYONE who gave sapiens a chance would also rate it 5/5 or a high rating it's a timeless lighthouse on the fog of defining humanity so since luigi is a very left brained man this deff fits his character all in all (oh js wanted to mention he rated sapiens: graphic history a 4/5)

harry potter - he rated 1st-3rd book a 5/5 def deserved !! ofc it's a classic ive had my harry potter phase die out and live again MULTIPLE times harry potter is probably apart of many people including luigi's first books ive read and loved list

the little prince - 4/5 (by luigi) it still freaks me out that he read the same books as a lot of us, watched the same movies as a lot of us, and that he's js a regular human but his actions moved society to forward him to transcend into the status of being "it is hell on earth to be heavenly - ts", almost even myth-like anyways back to the little prince it's rlly an AMAZING book !! it's a short read and it speaks so much about taking the truth of growing up and adulthood and making it alien through a child's eyes def made a lot of people relive an innocence that once was

animal farm - he rated this a 4/5 and i agree with that i read animal farm for school and it is a classic, so typical and so true i reference it all the time for me i gave it a 3/5 on my goodreads too because halfway through the book PLSDONT FLAME ME FOR THIS i kind ofalready picked up what george orwell was putting down - especially for the ending it was a bit obvious for me PLS DONT GET MAD IM SORRY anw it talks about the oppressive effects of a dictatorship (specifically communist government) and basically talks about how EVERYTHING gets political and even a revolution that looks toward freedom can get blurred when u lose ur ideals that's the main message i got out of this!!

the art of war - i havent finished the art of war yet..sigh.. he rated this a 4/5 and it's fitting since from the reviews ive read it's very strategic and calculated js like luigi so the rating matches with his personality

so sorry that's all the book titles that ive recognized in his roster.. I FEEL SO BEHIND but on a serious note i feel rlly inspired to read more books!! school has been so draining :(( and ive been lacking time to read im trying to light the spark again this year

i saw a lot of philosophy and psychology and self help books (including health about back pain) he's so avid about self-improvement it's stunning

i remember in luigi's reddit too he was very staunch about the fact that when he wanted to bring a book in his backpack it had to be physical and not kindle and he enumerated like 4 points to justify it it was so cute and made me so happy coz i shared the same views as him

oh and i also wanted to mention that luigi is an absolute culture absorber !! so inspiring he reads books about the places he goes to eg. hawaii and based on pictures he's a very openminded social butterfly hehe

luigi is a walking pursuit of wonder. like he read elon musk and the unabomber for specific reasons and i think it's because he was curious to find out the mindset of these people that yk he doesnt exactly idolize to euphonize it at least.. so if we wanna find out what type of person luigi is i think itd be good to judge that based on the books he's read def since it's what he's been exposed to/chosen to be exposed to so if anyone who has read the same books as he has u can always anon message me/make a post hehe i find his mind so interesting!!

i want to say thank you to the anon who send me this message!! i love books SO MUCHRWEDHBS and i had NO ONE to talk to about the books he's read. the minute i stalked his goodreads my jaw kept on dropping till it reached the floorwax. i was so happy that he read the same books as me and i was so excited an intrigued. that marked my crush on luigi i guess.. free nerds love nerds !! thank you anon i love u and ur sweet soul :(( please stay safe anon hoping rainbows ALWAYS find ur way!! <33 u sweetiepie

[youremyheaven]

this is gunna sound so weird... men make my skin crawl. Like im attracted to men but everytime i see a man, my rbf awakens and i become hyper aware of my surroundings 😭

it doesn't help that im attending an all girls college now... any advice on how to ease up pls around them? I find it hard to even want to talk to them 😭 ik all men aren't bad and i may always not be in danger (imagine that in all caps and red) but i just wanna be able behave and think like a normal person around them ( this is so much that i even can't stand strangers)

Loads of luv to you ❤

honestly i hope u meet better men!!! there are some disgusting nasty perverted pieces of shit out there who dont deserve to be around women and i completely get why u would feel repulsed by them.

i wonder if u have malefic influence, they usually struggle the most with the opposite gender

tips on how to ease up around men:

think in terms of energy. dont project anger or hatred because thats what you will see in return. i know this is very triggering and difficult for many people but you HAVE to believe in good to SEE good. despite absolutely everything that ive gone thru, i still believe that people are inherently good, kind and helpful and i see proof of it everyday.

ive had men treat me with dignity, respect and kindness in the shadiest of circumstances and ive had men be nasty to me out in the open, so it just comes down to character. just think of men as people honestly and not as hound dogs about to attack u.

2. imagine them as little boys

sometimes when men are soft or boyish with me, it reminds me of how they mustve been as kids and it warms me. i have two little boy cousins who are 12 and 6 respectively and they both adooooreeee me and want to marry me when they grow up🥺🥺🥺theyre the sweetest kids on the planet and i could never ever feel otherwise, theyre my babies. idk if this is something u can relate to but think of a little boy you're close to, how innocent and silly he is and how you could never see him as a threat or hate him and understand that grown men can be like that too.

3. how we treat people has a lot to do with how people treat us

if you have a rbf and generally act standoffish and cold/distant, then you're probably perceived as being bitchy 😬😬and nevermind men, even women probably find u intimidating or hard to approach. im only saying this because learning how to navigate social situations is 90% of adulthood and the key to personal and professional success.

learn to smile more. i know women hate being told to smile but honestly we should alllll smile more. force yourself to do it until it becomes a habit. be that person who smiles at strangers. dont u feel happy when someone smiles at you??? so in turn, be that person to others!!! <33

learn to get out of your head. most people think too much. i hate spending time with people who talk about everything from a victim pov. like yes sure u/we women, are in a position of disadvantage in many ways, historically speaking but ???? this attitude?? wont get u anywhere. (I'm speaking generally and not about you particularly)

i would say the key is to turn inward and work on yourself. read all those cliche self help books about "how to influence people" yada yada,, learn social etiquette and watch all those youtube gurus who teach soft skills. forget about men and hating them for a second and just focus on self improvement. as you change, youll see the world change with u.

just think of men as people basically. also idk if youre familiar with carl jung but i feel like you have a wounded animus. many women who grew up with an absent (emotionally or otherwise) father grow up to project all that onto men. and in turn have damaging relationships with men!!

im not a man defender and im in no way saying all men are good but i genuinely dont think its healthy to hate, thats all!!

idk if any of this is helpful sikeee but lmk if u have any updates

also lots of love to u too angel!!<3

[someobscurereference]

ive been rereading your ffxv fic "im trying hard to take it back" for literally four years now. please end my suffering and tell me how gladio feels. please. PLEASE. (but only if u want ofc)

(fic) Short answer: Gladio feels insane guilt and spends a lot of his life trying to make this up to Prompto. In the process, they deepen their connection as friends and do begin a relationship probably around the one-year mark of endless darkness. <3

Longer answer: (implications of abuse/violence tw but no worse than in the fic itself; just what others assume to be true even if it's not in the context of this specific fic)

Gladio is a secret romantic at heart who has always envisioned meeting his soulmate, but he's also duty-bound and duty comes first. So even though he reads romance books (amongst other types of books too) and indulges in his head a bit as many people do, he's often put his duty to the crown first and foremost in his mind. He also didn't imagine his soulmate was anyone on this trip and thought perhaps the person he may have been fated to meet died in the assault of Insomnia. Even if they were a refugee, they can't be a priority to him at this moment. His priority has to be Noctis.

Prompto has obviously grown on him over the course of their road trip, but there are aspects of them that don't 100% mesh (as is true with every realistic relationship). That said, Gladio never in a hundred years would want this moment of (understandable but out of line) frustration and anger in the wake of Luna and Altissa to be a permanent mark on Prompto's face. He's genuinely horrified and disgusted with himself for a long time after this and spends most of his life trying to make it up. He feels like a dirtbag about it.

That said, Prompto runs away from him in this moment and they need time to calm down, just as the fic shows. Noctis goes after Prompto, just like in canon. Prompto falls off the train and has his Despair Arc just like in the DLC, now with the added despair of "well, in addition to being a clone, my soulmate hates me. And in addition to the mark of inhumanity on my wrist (barcode), I have a giant hand print of him literally Shoving Me Away on my face. Forever."

Aranea: Well, do you want to die about it. Or do you want to live.

Prompto, eventually like in canon: Live, I guess. But it will be excruciating.

Aranea: That's what living is. We do it anyway. Your friends love you. Get off the floor.

He fights his way through his issues and gets rescued like in canon. Gladio probably tries to talk to him when they all catch up again, trying to apologize, and Prompto tells him to hold off on that for later.

Then, of course, Noctis is eaten by the crystal and "later" becomes much, much later as they evacuate and try to survive in eternal darkness. (Though they also can't Not think about it because it's a giant hand print. On Prompto's face. And every person they meet has Something To Say about it, for better or worse, whether they knew Prompto before or not. Prompto cannot escape it, and when Gladio is not doing Crown Duties he feels he must do in Noct's absence, he's with Prompto, so he also Cannot Escape It either. Even when the person speaking is unaware that Gladio left that mark. It's almost worse when they don't know, but when they see it's Gladio, who is such a big guy who seemingly hit Prompto and left that permanent mark there, some of them get nasty to him and some back off out of fear. Both are horrible. The guilt is eating him alive.)

Eventually, enough time passes as the dust settles that they do Talk About It. Gladio apologizes sincerely, for the 500th time. Prompto's like, "Well. It's not like you could have known that this would be The One Time it happened." And then cracks a joke about their soulmate mark being a Prompto's hand print on Gladio's ass from a butt slap in another life, which does help the tension somewhat. (The more Gladio tries to apologize, the more Prompto grows sick of hearing it, so they just have to move on and keep going, as he's learned to do.)

They grow closer over time, especially because there's not a lot of people who have survived to this point and even less later on. They do get together romantically, both because they do like the idea of soulmates (for different reasons) and also because they're living out of each others pockets for years, so there's an affection and dependency that develops there. Also, teenage Prompto always thought Gladio was really handsome and teen Gladio thought Prompto was cute and sincere for a pipsqueak.

When they are out together on dates in normal settings surrounded by strangers after the light returns, Gladio will receive dirty looks for the rest of his life from strangers who see the hand print on Prompto's face and immediately (correctly) assumes it was out of anger rather than a funny accident or something. (Edit: Some people will assume there is a funny story attached. Gladio will not know what to say to this. Prompto will play along.) He will learn to live with this. Prompto is really grateful Gladio is with him despite everything.

[pumpkinsy0]

The greasers being brown and the soc’s being white/Curtis brothers being white would make so so much sense. I love the Curtis brothers but even reading the outsiders I did feel like they did have a certain amount of privilege/grace granted to them that the other greasers did not. I just think keeping them white would add so many layers. Especially when certain greasers in the book/universe were not treated as kindly. (Dallas,Two-Bit,Steve,…Dare I say the shepards as a whole?)

ive seen poc versions of the curtis bros and look i LOVE THEM, im being so serious theyre a cool ideas i wish no harm against the ppl who hc them as poc but like when i read the book, theres genuinely an amount of privlige that just OOZES off of ponyboy that would make more sense as to him being white than him just being a poc who just wasnt taught about his world yet to protect his innocence or something along the lines of that

like theres characters where their race isnt explicitly stated so hey, go crazy w ur race hcs, look at who ur talking too, haitian shepards truther over here, but like in this case i feel like u can definitely tell they were written to be white and bc se hinton is white she unknowingly made that especially known w some of the things the curtis boys gets away w (at least to me as a poc) and the FIRSTTT thing that comes to mind is the fact that soda could/would reach for the damn weapon if an officer and NOT get arrested at the VERY least😭😭

had it been literally any other race u already knowwwwww what woulda happened😭

maybe unrelated, but i also think them being white and genuinely a lil ignorant is an important character pov to have sometimes!!! inelly dont wanna explain it cause my stomach HURTS but to anyone reading this i hope u understand what i mean</3333

AND SPEAKING OF DALLAS, I SWEAR I WANTED TO MAKE HIM BLACK BUT I DIDNT FOR A REASON AND THE MUSICAL CAME OUT AND HE IS BLACK AND MANNNNNN IM SO PISSED I DIDNT SAY SOMETHING SOONER CAUSE I COULDVE GOT ON HERE AND BRAGGED

[capcavan]

kinda inspired by that response u did to someone else's post. but like. it just reminded me of how different Americans see nationality/ethnicity/race to other people, and how it can come through in the things they write.. like especially fanfiction. like how everyone who isn't a white American (and sometimes even those that are) can just become stereotypes. nicky is repeatedly a victim of this, ive read so many fics that just 'exaggerate' the fact that he's Mexican, even though it makes no sense! nicky has lived in America and Germany his whole life, his dad's a racist and his mum barely speaks to him, he'd be almost completely disconnected from Mexican culture realistically, and u can kinda see that in the books. but in fics, they make him like only eat stereotypical Mexican food, speak Spanish, listen to music in Spanish... like it's nuts. they do it to riko too except he becomes the Japanese mafia racial stereotype instead. Jean suddenly being obsessed with all things French, ranting about baguettes, even though canonically he has no good memories of France and seemingly wants nothing to do with the country or culture. it drives me crazy. like. even with neil 😭 he's canonically white and American, lived in America his whole life, but suddenly a British mother means he has a strong British accent and complains about how people make tea.

am I crazy?? its like almost comical levels of stereotyping, you'd think they'd be doing it for a bit, and that post just kinda reminded me of it.

the neil vs Jean British vs French thing is crazy too. I've never heard a British and French person argue over their countries under the age of like 60. but in so many fics, usually raven neil fics, its all they wanna talk about. wtf!!

everybody who could be classed as even slightly not "100% American" suddenly becomes a stereotype. and yknow the thing that rlly gets me? the accents are always exaggerated and always mentioned. nicky has a strong Mexican accent, neil has a strong British accent, and so on... but the "100% American" characters can be from varying parts of America with widely different accents (and cultures), but you'd never know it because the writer never mentions them even having an accent. it's just so blatant and shameless, and they don't even seem to realise they're doing it. they'll have other Americans in the comments being like "I love your British neil 🥰🥺" that is not neil. that is a stereotype.

even the books themselves to a lesser extent do this... like I'm pretty sure Jean having a French accent is mentioned. which isn't bad in and of itself, but a lot of the foxes are from different parts of America but again no accent differences ever mentioned. :/

all of this in every fucking fandom just for the record the og post we talked about was written by non American but it's just .. fandom think that is repeated by people as stupid fucking joke like yes it is very normal for immigrants to move to different country and still care and cultivate their traditions but then you look at how fandom represent it and like ... the rest of the world sees you and thinks you are fucking weird for handling it this way ✌️✌️✌️

[ad0rechuu]

★ MILKY WAY. ━━ (000) ASK THEM ANYTHING part 1

💌 ZERO SAYS. i can’t believe that we passed the 30 chapter mark!! thank you to everyone to participated (& for +500 notes), i’ve always wanted to this and it was a lot of fun! i didn’t get as many questions as i wanted but i’m still grateful regardless <3 you can find part 2 here!

❪ # i ❫ : Do you think water is wet? ━━ to smg & jwy

from @seonghwaddict

MINGI : No it’s not… I don’t think it is— maybe it is… huh? I don’t know, I’m impartial

WOOYOUNG : I can make it wet *winks*

❪ # ii ❫ : miss u stinkaboo love youuuu this is taegyu papa trusttttit how u doing love? ━━ to yn

from @tocupid

YN : Alright who payed you huh??? (in case this is real, I’m great now I’m talking to you haha! i miss you too <3)

fatou’s note : Embarrassingly down bad

❪ # iii ❫ : how would you guys react if you are in date with dearest yn but there is someone following you guys, u thought it would be dispatch but it's the other simps? ━━ to psh, csn & smg

from anon

SEONGHWA : Call Hongjoong and snitch, I know they would end up getting involved in MY date someway somehow!

SAN : A date?! With Yn?! I would be too focused on Yn to notice if i’m being honest

MINGI : Pause the date and beat some ass. I would also be super disappointed in hyung, I expect that from San but from him? I would cry (and also call Hongjoong hyung)

❪ # iv ❫ : who do you ship with YN? A. Taegyu. B. San. C. Seonghwa D. Mingi (will you betray his moral loyalty?) ━━ to jyh

from anon

YUNHO : E. I’ll move to a different country and start a new life under a new identity so that none of them kill me for whatever my choice might be (not taegyu that’s for sure, he seems cool but i ship- )

❪ # v ❫ : when is yours and yn's wedding?? also who do u think u can take out in a fight between the boys that also wants your girl's heart? ━━ to syn

from anon

YUNA : I’m so glad you asked! I’m currently planning it but she doesn’t know about it yet. Also I could easily take all of them and I would but Seulgi would take away my Yn privileges anyway about Yn and me! she’s so cute, did you kno-

authors note : Interview cut off because participant had their yn privileges taken away

❪ # vi ❫ : when u and yn finally have ur moment will u be the perfect gentleman or will u let ur dreams take over and just smooch the heck out of yn? ━━ to smg

from anon

MINGI : Me? Meeting Yn? Smooching her?…

authors note : Interview cut short because participant would not stop giggling

❪ # vii ❫ : How does it feel to be the biggest simps on planet earth?? ━━ to psh, csn & smg

from @meginthebuilding27

SEONGHWA : I’m not a simp, its just that i would do anything for her and i think about her all day and i lov- oh…

SAN : Great! really, really fucking great but also my heart feels like its about to burst anytime i see anything related to her… do you think I should see a doctor??

MINGI : I don’t like the fact that I have to share spot! I wanna be number one!

❪ # viii ❫ : How do you keep them in place and don't make them do anything stupid? ━━ to khj

from @meginthebuilding27

HONGJOONG : Have you seen them do anything? I don’t because somehow they are harder to handle than children! But I guess parenting books help, except for Seonghwa, he’s too powerful. oh! And Yn too, I’m glad I have Seulgi to fall back on, she too much to say no to (read: too cute to say no to)

❪ # ix ❫ : we know u love yn and treat her like a baby sister so this q is perfect for you! out of all the boys which one would you choose for n based off what you know of them (then looks teehee) ━━ to ksg

from anon

SEULGI : Aww you’re right, she is my baby! But I just want whoever can makes her the happiest. Regarding the second question you are aware that you are asking a lesbian this right? I don’t think I can answer…

swan’s note : Seonghwa. She likes Park Seonghwa the most, I don’t know why she’s being difficult but it’s mostly because he’s very pretty

❪ # x ❫ : I know u love and care for yn but why don't you help your mans (the 3 lovers) out? (as far as asking if she wants to hang out over her break :3) I know you want to stay unbiased but I gotta know! ━━ to khj

from anon

HONGJOONG : That’s a good question, I honestly did not think of that. Maybe I should do that in the near future?

❪ # xi ❫ : what made u stan yn and whats ur fave piece of star merch that you own ━━ to psh, csn & smg

from anon

SEONGHWA : I love kpop girlgroups, so when I found a new group was debuting I checked out their music and when I watched the Ponzona mv for the choreo it was love on first sight & The album that I bought immediately after and got me my very first photo card of Yn! (It’s still behind my phone)

SAN : I saw a video of her on twitter which was so cute that I just had to know who it was & my Yn chibi plushy, it’s unofficial fan made merch but it’s adorable

MINGI : It was an accident honestly! I was going to check out my friends performance so I joined the line outside the building, nobody questioned me being there so I didn’t know I was at wrong place until I realized that I was standing in line for a fan sign, I thought just leaving would be rude so I stayed and my breath was taken away when I met Yn! & A t-shirt with their logo, it’s fashionable and comfortable as fuck!

❪ # xii ❫ : from 1 to 10, with 10 being the most, how would you rate how much you enjoy the chaos that is currently happening as of ch. 30 ━━ to kys

from anon

YEOSANG : 9, it would be a 10 but they genuinely seemed hurt. I still do enjoy some good chaos though

❪ # xiii ❫ : i badly need some tips on fighting people it can be on the internet or idk face to face but im scared cause i might lose, i just want to fight some constantly annoying people, teach me your ways teacher! ━━ to psh, csn, smg & cjh

from anon

SEONGHWA : Try to not get mad, stay as logical and calm as possible that just makes your opponents seem crazier

SAN : Find something or someone you would argue for no matter what the outcome might be, it’s all about passion

MINGI : Hit ‘em where it hurts!

JONGHO : It’s not a skill that can be taught, you just need to be a true hater.

yuna’s note : Just say Kang YeoSang-

seulgi’s note : Please ignore Yuna’s note!!

❪ # xiv ❫ : from 1 to 10 how jobless did u think hongjoong was when yn first reached out to him ━━ to ksg

from anon

SEULGI : Hongjoong is great and so, so talented! He’s also a college drop out with way too much time on his hands, so it can’t be less that 7 right?

❪ # xv ❫ : are you guys legitimately in love with yn or is it just a fanboy kind of love? ━━ to psh, csn & smg

from anon

authors note : Participants are not allowed to answer this question (yet)

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[metanarrates]

u are making me want to reread so i can talk about it with you. book club! anyway i havent read them since i was like. 17 maybe?? but i would love to hear more of your thoughts. unfortunately i dont have any specific questions due to not remembering that much. wait thoughts on the ending of the games scene. lets kill ourselves together scene

yes you should! my dms are open for you. I love to chat about what im reading 😄😄😄

i already talked in another ask about how the spectre of survivor's guilt made that scene work for me on an emotional level even though I don't buy the romance, but let's talk about how the other stakes of this scene unfortunately make no goddamn sense. (this is a trend in my problems with the hunger games. the stakes are weirdly defined and inconsistent on both logical and symbolic levels.)

the capitol audience does not behave as reality tv audiences irl do. ive talked before about this, and I'll say it again - no reality tv audience would ever willingly want to watch the days long peeta/katniss cave segment livestream. if we are meant to believe that this is an audience who thrives on bloodshed and drama, we need to see that constantly putting pressure on the characters. it does not work well as a story about being forced into behaving as entertainment if the characters only occasionally feel the pressure to be entertaining. the entire structure of the story needs to be different if we are to believe that this is a livestream that a lot of people (many of whom are Sickos) are watching.

with that in mind, let's lay down the things that the story needs you to believe in order for this scene to work:

the reality TV audience is fine, or fine enough, with the gamemakers changing the rules of the games back last-minute to prevent two victors from winning. they at least do not storm the gamemakers studio about it.

a victor needs to exist, so much so that the absence of one could get the gamemakers killed

the audience would NOT like to see a lover's double suicide at the climax of the games

rejecting the need for a victor and dying by suicide instead translates into a meaningful and political rebellion against the capitol

the audience agrees, or agrees enough, that it's fine to change the rules back to allow two victors.

none of these feel earned to me. any TV watcher worth their salt will tell you that it's universally hated when a show changes its rules arbitrarily for the sake of dramatic tension. this would work if the point of this was that the capitol was willing to sacrifice viewer satisfaction to retain control over the games, but...

that argument is reliant on the assumption that the capitol needs a victor. and why does it? the purpose of these games is to be violent entertainment and propaganda to show the futility of resistance. katniss even says in an earlier chapter that there have been games with no victor because everybody died. there's been very little establishment of why the capitol might find a victor necessary. i can speculate, but ultimately the novel doesn't really establish the victors as serving a critical purpose to the system of the games. they don't even say explicitly that a victor is necessary until this veey scene. the cruelty is the point of the games. and being forced to kill yourself is cruel. so...

I have no idea why an audience would hate a double suicide here. if they're consuming the games as violent entertainment, they should LOVE that shit! its dramatic! its great tv! ratings should be through the roof! what an amazing tragedy! this is the height of the capitol forcing people to participate in cruelty! therefore...

I straight up do not understand the notion that this constitutes meaningful rebellion in any way. sure, its a refusal to allow the expected outcome of a single victor to occur, but I did outline how I don't think the capitol has any logical reason to object to the double suicide. even if you parse it as resistance, why does it matter if they're both dead? this should instead show everyone that resisting only leads to death. which is the point of the games.

and is the audience cruel or not? are they okay with a "kill or be killed" scenario or are they rooting for peeta & katniss so badly that they would cheer for a deus ex machina to save them? i just don't get it. it doesn't make sense to me.

so yeah the scene just feels silly and contrived at the end of this

[devilish-parrot]

TELL BE ABOUT CAR SEAT HEADREST NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAAAAAYYYYY enjoy my disorganised yapping

okokokokokok sO

imagine this. its the late 2000's. will toledo, a gay guitarist and probably based-on-lyrical-content depressed high school student starts a band named nervous young men. they release a couple albums (like four i think) he tells a couple friends about it and ppl in school so hes got a couple listeners already

its 2010. the summer after will graduated from school. he releases four albums in four months under the name car seat headrest to bandcamp. these are called the numbered albums, because their names are numbers. (my favourite is three) these were very loop based. he didnt tell anyone about it to see how many listeners hed get and it wasnt more than 100. the audio quality is so bad. theyre not on spotify :(

(my fav numbered album is three because A) the cover is made by cate wurtz (ill get to her in a second), B) portait of the artist as a young fag is a great song C) he makes callbacks to a couple of these songs on a later album (he keeps making callbacks its so great) and D) oh starving is here which is on living while starving which ill talk about later

the one-man-band car seat headrst is named so because he recorded the instruments on his computer in his house, and the vocals (again on the computer) in his car. he did all the instruments himself.

so cate wurtz! shes an artist who dated will and now theyre friends. i love her art style so fucking much, ive started reading one of her web comics. she did some of the cshr album covers and some of the cshr lyric books (eg my back is killing me baby cover and booklet). he has written. SO many songs about her and albums.

theres some albums that arent on bandcamp anymore like sunburned shirts and disjecta membra.

will had this scrapped project called stabby ode, which is one of my fav cshr albums. he reversed abbey road songs and looped them and played music on top of it and BOOM new music is made. this project was scraped and so these songs were moved onto an album named littlle pieces of paper with no written on them.

2011 - there was gonna be a fifth numbered album but it was renamed to my back is killing me baby aka mbikmb. its on spotify too! i rlly like this one. the song open-mouthed-boy is goofy oh my god

then, will starts working on an album called twin fantasy. this is his most popular album, and how alot of people are introduced to cshr. he releases a couple demos to tumblr. wee

twin fantasy releases and og wow. i am a sucker for concept albums. this ones about will being sad and gay and its about his relationship with cate (i read somewhere that shes a tgirl and they dated before she was out. idk how true this is though) my fav track is beach life-in-death its thirteen minutes and it references songs from three and it kicks ass. he references ana ng by they might be giants on the track cute thing! cate made the lyric booklet

will toledo is a furry and if you look at his album covers (especially mbikmb or twink fantasy) you can probably tell. his fursona is a jackrabbit named mortis

2012 - next album is monomania, another concept about cate, but this time its a break up album. v good album. souls is my fav track

2013 - next is the living while starving ep, which is one of my favourite eps of all tine (if it werent for devil moon. i dont like that song) theres a song on here called its only sex. thats one of his most popular songs, and its how i was introduced to the band. (the vid u reblogged from me was that song its so good) i cant choose a favourite. he made this album while messing about on logic (the music making programme)

next is nervous young man, title being a callback to his band nervous young men. its like two hours long. its basically a compliation album of a buncha songs he wrote between the ages of 17-21. he wanted it to kinda be like those top hits of an artist cds from all different albums. ive only heard less than half of this album but i love everything ive heard. fav track is definetly boxing day.

2014 - next is how to leave town. i havent heard it. he wrote the songs while he was moving across america so the whole album has that theme

2015 - will is signed to a record label named matador records and there are more people in the band now!!! their names are andrew katz the drummer, ethan ives the other guitarist and backup vocalist and seth dolby the bassist. they can record music in an actual studio now and these people know what theyre doing with their instruments so the quality is much better.

together they release an album called teens of style. there are new songs on here but also remakes of older cshr songs. nice album, fav song is probably something soon

2016 - they put together a proper new album with amazing audio quality and its called teens of denial. this is also how a lot of people are introduced to the band. i cant choose a fav track this album is so good

2018 - around this time, a band that car seat headrest is touring with, called naked giants, join forces with car seat headrest so now theres like 7 people in the band. their names are henry the precussion guy, gianni the bass in naked giants and keyboard in cshr and grant the other other guitarist

now that there are a shit ton of people in the band, will doesnt play much guitar and instead jumps and dances and screams around in live preformances

also they they remake twin fantasy with this bigger budget. lyrics are changed, song lengths are extended, audio is inporved. the 2011 version is called mirror to mirror or mtm and 2018 ver is called face to face or ftf. the new lyric booklet includes pictures of hojin stella jungs series of paintings called the lady. she talks about her paintings on the track high to death. i think shes a friend of wills

2019 - LIVE ALBUM LUVE ALBUM LIVE ALBUM LIVE ALBUM I LOVE LIVE ALBUMS

2020 - making a door less open (or madlo) relases and i have not heard this one. i think this ones more electronic than others. the cover is by cate and its lovely

2021 - they release madlo remixes and madlo influences (cover songs!!!). i havent heard either of them but the covers are again done by cate

2023 - ANOTHER LIVE ALUM and the whole time is will is either fursuiting or wearing a costume from andrew the drummers side project 1trait danger. i cant tell you anything about 1td other than will keeps dressing as a guy named trait with rabbit ears, a gas mask and bright orange costruction man jacket

also on the first day of pride month will released a five minute vertical video explaining what patreon is, and letting fans know that theyre on there now. i am so jealous of anyone whos subscribed to them i need to get a job lowest tier is only three dollars a month

no music since then :( will is doing monthly patreon streams yay also they have msic videos that are good. i like the something soon music videos (yes theres two. one from over a decade ago thats will dancing in his dormitory and you cant see his face. other is done with full band)

FAV CSHR PREFORMANCES!!!

cover of uncontrollable urge live on kexp radio 2018(?)

drunk drivers/ killer whales live at rock the garden 2017. he is so hot here ohhh myyy goood swooon (i mean, i swoon every time i see a photo of him soooo)

august 23rd 2013, wills 21st birthday. live at speaktree, he and three other people (katy on guitar, aurther on drums and joe-hawley-lookalike austin on bass) preform the only live preformance of jerks. im pretty sure will was drunk there lol

even though cshr was a one man band for a long time, he did live preformances with other people.

last time i counted how many cshr albums there are, i got like 28. rest in piss.

ive noticed that, while trying to learn their songs on guitar, that they use a lot of barre chords yipee :) which is where you put your index finger across the other fret board and use your other three fingers all over the place. unfortunetly i cant sing as low as will :(

so yeah theres a buncha info about them i did with no research so sorry if things are wrong. tis was probably quite disorganised lol

[elly99]

us without me IV: new jeans

A story series from the perspective of Mia (fem!Reader/OC) as she goes through her memories and recounts falling in love with her best friend in high school, Minji. She suffers in silence until she breaks and it all comes crashing down.

Part 4 of 7. Check here for more details. Reading previous parts for context is encouraged. CW for language.

“Mia-ya,” she calls from behind her locker door.

“Mmm?”

“You wanna do something this weekend?”

“I dunno. Just relax, I guess.”

“You don’t wanna do something together?” She closes her locker, revealing her face pouting at you.

There were so many things you wanted to do together. But you bury those ideas under the books you stuff into your own locker.

“Did you have something in mind?”

“Nothing in particular. Just something with you.”

Fucking hell.

“Well, I think I need new jeans. Help me pick out some?”

You catch her smiling to herself.

“What?”

“Nothing.” She giggles. “I’ll tell you later.”

“Why are you laughing?”

“I’ll tell you later!”

“김민지 이상하다.”

Before closing your locker you notice a tiny bear sticker on the door.

“How did this get here? We’re only a month in and you’ve already started vandalizing my locker?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, bro.”

“Is this why you were laughing at me?”

“No, no! But I will admit it’s funny how you only noticed it now. And also how easy it was to guess your code.”

“Wait, yeah! How the fuck did you know?”

“Mia! No need to be so angry that your best friend knows you so well.”

It slowly dawns on you. “You remembered the date?”

“Of course! The day we got these,” she says, lifting her ring finger up to your face. “It was my idea after all.”

You look down at your own fingers. And you start to feel your sanity slowly slipping through them.

“To be fair, it did take me a couple of tries before I got it. But still… I know you’re sentimental like that, so it wasn’t hard.”

As she proudly struts away to the cafeteria you spot her applying lip balm - the same one you used.

You thought you’d buried it in your locker along with everything else but you find yourself powerless to stop the idea of kissing her making its way back into your mind as the lip balm touches her lips.

-

The smell of spring wafted in through the open bedroom window. You had your phone to text her in one hand and the chocolate bar she got you on the walk home in the other.

so we’re just going shopping tomorrow?

yeah unless u had something else u wanted to do

wanna watch a movie?

huh? i thought u didnt like movies

yeah but i just want to spend time with you and i know you like going to the cinema so

You admire the blue ring on your finger and laugh.

My girlfriend really likes me, doesn’t she?

As long as you had it on you could pretend. So you never took it off.

i just checked and there arent any movies showing rn that im interested in

wanna come sleep over at my place then? we can watch the movies we want

wow u really wanna spend time with me huh

you got a problem with that bro?

no its just ur being sweeter than usual idk

well i do have something really important to tell you and i just wanna spend the day together so we can talk about it

No, Mia. It can’t be what you think it is.

is this what u were being so secretive about earlier?

yeah

why so serious bro is everything ok?

yeah everything’s perfect! i just want to tell you in person

No. Fucking. Way.

why not now?

i’ll tell you tomorrow dw

you promise?

of course! i’ll pick you up at 10? or is that too early?

no im fine with it but i doubt youll wake up that early

you’re right 😖 i’ll just text you tomorrow

sure

okie good night mimi ily 💗

good night <3

Mia, there’s just no way. Calm down. You’re being silly. You’re being delusional. Stop it.

You start laughing again at the absurdity of the situation. At the fact you were even entertaining the thought. You laugh until tears start pooling in your eyes. Until you forget why you were laughing in the first place. Until the tears fall and you find yourself crying into the night.

-

i’m up

congrats on waking up before noon ig

hey i set an alarm just for you so you better be grateful

woah im so touched

we have a date today so i better be on time right? 😊

Damn it, Minji.

does that mean youll be here soon?

yeah in 30

cool

It was 11:10. You’d gotten ready to go two hours ago. But she didn’t need to know that. She didn’t need to know that you were dying to know what it was she wanted to tell you.

hey i miss you

What the fuck?

bro whats up ur never this clingy

sorry i’m just really happy

about what?

you’ll see

It was 11:11. You wish for what you’d always wished for. You knew there was no point but with her being like this and your ring still on your finger, the line between fantasy and reality had never been more blurred.

-

Waiting outside your front door, you see her approaching from down the street. Even at that distance you could see the radiant smile she was giving you.

Often you wondered what life would have been like had you not moved in just down the street from her. Had you not gone to the same school. What if the universe didn’t give you so many opportunities to get close to each other? Why did it have to give you so many reasons to fall for her? But you had no choice. This was your life now. The girl you called your best friend, the one standing in front of you, was the person you so desperately loved.

“굿모닝.”

“It’s not morning anymore. You’re late.”

“미안!” You’re reminded that every apology would sound like your name. “But I’m here now. Let’s go.”

“Don’t you have something to tell me first?”

“Later. Over dinner.” Her smile was cheeky. Teasing.

“We have dinner plans?”

“Yup. My treat.”

Your heart trips over its own beats.

“Bro, it should be my turn.”

“Mia, no. This one’s important to me.”

Then it starts to scream as it hits the ground.

“My god, Min, what’s this about?”

“Don’t worry about it! Let’s just go get your new jeans first.”

She starts laughing again and you still don’t know why.

-

“Minji! No way!” you exclaim, shopping bags filled with clothes in one hand, her hand in the other as she tugs you along to a familiar part of the mall.

She just smiles and sticks her tongue out.

“This place is expensive!”

“But it’s your favorite. So it’s where we’re going.”

“Minjiii,” you whine.

“Hey, if you really cared about me spending too much you wouldn’t have such expensive taste. You left me no choice, to be honest.”

“Bro!”

For the first time in a while you’re laughing together. For a reason you both knew.

“For real, though, Mia. It’s fine! It’s my treat, so don’t worry about it.”

“You’re so sweet, Min.”

As if that needed further confirmation, she pulls out a chair for you.

“Mia! Are you blushing?”

“What? No!” You quickly cover your face with your hands. Your ring smiles a devilish smile as you bring it close.

“Don’t fall in love, bro,” she says teasingly. But it was way too late for that.

“What do you mean? I’m just excited for the food.”

“Sure.”

With that one word her expression changes. You couldn’t quite parse it. But you convinced yourself that there was something about her face that told you that she knew. And there was nothing more terrifying.

-

As your meal comes to a close and the night slows down she finally says it.

“Mia.”

“Minji.”

“I have something to tell you.”

“I know.” Your voice falters as your heartbeats quicken. You clear your throat to hide it. “Just tell me already.”

She leans over the table, looking straight into your eyes with something like anxiousness in hers.

“I’m… I’m debuting in July.”

In that moment, as your pounding chest comes to a crashing halt, there was no greater dissonance than wanting to be happy for your best friend but being disappointed that she didn’t want to be more than that. Being excited for her future but being bitter that her future wasn’t you.

Then came rage. Fury. The dissonance between expecting, wanting, praying for her to confess and knowing that that was just a puerile, selfish fantasy you conjured for yourself. “You’re being silly again,” is what she would have said. You were so angry and there was no one else to blame but you.

“Bro, I’m so happy for you!” you strain. “All that hard work’s finally paying off!”

“Thanks, Mia,” she says softly.

“I don’t even know why you were worried you wouldn’t debut! You’re so talented. It was always gonna happen. I’m so proud of you, Min!”

“Thank you,” she repeats with her eyes.

“So, what’s the name of your group?”

She laughs once more and you finally understand why.

“NewJeans.”

“Oh my god, no wonder.”

“But don’t tell anyone, ok?”

“Of course, bro. Why would you even think I’d tell anyone?” you ask a little more aggressively than you’d like, still barely controlling your anger. Thankfully, she doesn’t notice.

“Just making sure.”

“How many songs do you have?”

“Four. And, yeah, we’ll be filming our music videos in Spain.”

“Oh, wow!” You wonder how much longer you could hide it. How much longer until she realizes you were faking it. “When are you leaving?”

“Next week. Which is why I wanted to spend time with you this weekend.”

“Wait, will you be gone for your birthday, then?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh.” You struggle to find words to say as your anger is replaced by sadness. “I’ll miss you…”

“I’m sorry! I’ll miss you, too! I promise we’ll spend lots of time together when I get back.”

“But I’m sure you’ll be really busy even then. Even more when you debut…”

“Let’s not worry about it yet, Mia! I’m still here. And I’m just happy to be with you now.”

“Me, too.” You smile weakly.

“I’ll just go pay, ok? I’ll be right back, then we can talk more about it at home. We have all night anyway!”

“Thanks, Min. For the food. For today. For everything.”

“Aww, bro, you sound so sad!” she says as she stands up. You look up at her from your chair. Seeing your hand on the table, she gently wraps hers around it and you hear the subtle clink of your rings as they touch. “I’m still here, ok? I always will be.”

You don’t take your eyes off her as she walks away. And they remain glued to her in forbidden admiration as she returns. Every time you looked at her there was always a part of you that wanted to just rush over to her and tell her everything. That she was your everything. Your first love. Now, knowing the world would soon fall in love with her, too - because you knew everyone would - that part of you wanted to keep her all to yourself.

Then there was the part of you just happy to see her. To have her in your life. Because she did make you happy. She always tried her best to put a smile on your face. She was an angel like that and today was further proof of it. And her smile - the same one you could see on her face now as she approached you - it made you feel safe. Like things were going to be alright. There was a strange, counterintuitive comfort you found in it, knowing that, even if she didn’t know your pain, she’d be there for you. She thought the world of you. She loved you like no one else could. Just not in that way. And you were happy with that. You’d have to be.

“가자.”

At the sound of her soft voice your sadness gives way to resignation. You remind yourself that it wasn’t her fault she couldn’t give you what your heart yearned for. And in doing so, you could finally, truly be happy for her.

With your hand hidden from her in your pocket, you slip your ring off with your thumb as she takes you home.

[afantasyoffiction]

a lil intro :)

hi hello to anyone who's checking this out!

i’m caitlin, an aspiring fantasy writer and maybe poet, english literature nerd and general fandom weirdo who likes to talk a lot about all my many many obsessions :)

i'm new to actively participating on this site as opposed to watching thru the window of pinterest...but now that i write more and 9-1-1 in particular doesn't post on pinterest so much, i'm on here too rip

i talk about: writing, procrastinating writing, reading writing and characters in writing who drive me insane!

my writing: i write poetry which i will post on here occasionally! but my main writing that is intended for other ppl to read is fanfic in the below fandoms, and my fantasy wip:

my wip: a ya fantasy book (one day trilogy i hope!) about a world where witches are gone, but persecution of them isn't. trying to save her innocent sister from execution, my fmc gets dragged into a storm of political plotting, conflicting agendas and strange powers beyond her comprehension. a book about family, and realising that what you thought was a bedtime story might still be around to haunt you...

my ao3: a_fantasy_2 (but there's currently not much on there that's escaped my drafts - i'll repost anything i'm proud of here first!)

main fandoms: i have been in a ridiculous number of fandoms so this is not all of them but these are my main ones - bold are ones im currently in the trenches abt :)

9-1-1 (pls no ship war content tho i just cannot)

marauders (my og loml one true fandom its a canon event i fear)

good omens (book and tv show changed my life)

anything leigh bardugo but SoC and RoW especially

supernatural (its been a while but then again i'm fandom posting on this site so its kinda a given)

anything by chloe gong....(message me PLEASE. best ya fantasy writer and my literal writing idol)

EPIC the musical - i love this so freaking much, if you don't know what this is go find out u won't regret it

hamilton (i am in fact hamiltrash, unfortunately)

aftg (im not writing that out. if you know what that acronym is thats on you.)

tagging system: i got one of those creepy teeth 'frequent poster badges' today, so i think it might be time for me to get one of these. ahem. on an incoherent blog, i declare order:

#caitlin writes and yaps abt it - writblr content (these will almost always have the 'writblr' and 'writers on tumblr' tag as well)

#caitlin's original writing - any writing from my wips or poetry i share

#caitlin the english major - literature posts

#caitlin reblogs from even cooler blogs - reblogging my moots or other cool ppl!

#caitlin does ask games - making a separate tag bc i LOVE these

#caitlin rambles miscellaneous - anything else thats incoherent

fandom posts will all be tagged with their fandom and with #caitlin a fandom nerd

sound good? let me know if this actually makes this blog make any more sense mk team

please send me: asks/posts/comments about these fandoms, short fic writing prompts within these fandoms, writblr content, writing questions, or literature thoughts :)

(pls don’t send me requests for money or ai content. i will block and delete, here’s why)

basically reach out if you just want to ramble about any of these things because what else is tumblr dot com for ... seriously what. actually what was this site made for it beats me

[EDIT: after an excessive amount of overthinking, ive decided that while i will post abt my wip on here, it will be hopefully vague enough to not necessarily link this blog to it if i ever did manage to get it published. there will be wip-related posts tho bc theyre fun! im just delulu and an overthinker]

[omophagic-beast]

for the tarot rpg ask game! The Fool, The Empress, The Hierophant, The Chariot, The Hanged Man, The Devil, The Tower, The Star, The Sun!

!!! wowow hi!! thank you for all the questions, im gonna put them under a read more as to not clog up peoples dashes

from this ask game

The Fool – What do the earliest stages of work on a game look like for you? OR How did you get into game design?

i have a notes discord server! and a channel in there specifically for game ideas. previously i had a big word document titled "game ideas", but its easier to access discord from my phone lol

usually i have an idea and i stick it in there first

heres the start of the pillars of creation :3

and then ill noodle around with it, just brainstorm and slap spaghetti around. this is another reason why i like discord for this at the moment, its informal and easy, much less daunting than a word doc

i didnt end up using most of the bits here lol

and then ill move it into a word doc once its clear that ive got an actual project / game starting to form!

the one problem with this is sometimes ill keep an idea in there for much longer than i should and it becomes a mess of me replying to myself, terrible to follow. this is the current problem with moonlight whaling, sigh

The Empress — Where do your ideas come from? OR Do you seek out or avoid inspiration while working on an idea?

a lot of places!! tumblr being one of them, sometimes ill see a post where im like "huh that could be a game in some way" and ill stick it in my notes discord for later. but really anything, books, movies, songs, other games. im not the first to say this but u gotta read / watch / experience new things to make new things

The Hierophant — Who is a fellow game designer you’ve learned a lot from? OR What is a piece of popular wisdom about games you think is nonsense?

i answered the second one here so ill answer the first!

ive learned a lot from any designer whos game ive played or read, to start. but i wanna shout out @thydungeongal on here, her posts abt game design and rollmaster / d&d are highly highly fascinating and helpful to me, as a guy who hasnt even played d&d let alone any old school stuff and just kinda jumped into the indie scene from the start.

kinda makes me wanna play rollmaster, ngl. whats it doin with all those mechanics and tables =w=

The Chariot — What is the next project you’re planning to start OR What is the next project you’re excited to finish?

this has been my big question to myself recently, what game to really focus in on next. i have games that just need to be finished, but i think my next one* is gonna be this time travel game ive been thinking of

working title is Hooked, and the reason i think im going to start (and finish) it next is cause ive already got the main mechanic figured out, where when you fail a roll you can choose to create a hook, and in doing so succeed the roll

but that hook is a place where a future you has traveled back to that point in time and given you what you needed to succeed, which means at some point youre going to have to come back and close the loop, or else risk creating a paradox

too many paradoxes and the universe explodes so like. be careful :3!

it is going to be a lot of work, i want the general aesthetic to be the journal of a time traveler, with notes from all their future and past selves scrawled in the margins in different colors. and theres the question of if its a solo game or multiplayer, or both. solo-friendly is my current thought, but encouraged for more than one person. but we'll see how it actually plays.

The Hanged Man — What other creative pursuits do you have? OR What current trends in game design are you most interested in?

someone should ask me this again cause i wanna answer the other one also :3c

but! i have a crochet project on the mind so i wanna talk abt other stuff im into also :3

im currently considering ADHD and how it could possibly relate to myself, so just keep that in mind when i say ive dipped my paws into a whoooole lot of different creative hobbies. sewing, knitting, pottery, bookbinding, needle felting, jewelry making, and yea, crochet, are all stuff ive been into at one point or another

but my favorites are crochet and cooking / baking. for most of my life i thought my career was gonna be in food service! ive been a baker, cake decorator, and diner cook before, and loved all three of those jobs.

and crochet is great mainly cause you can make stuffed animals / amigurimis >:33 i loooove little guys and being able to choose what soft yarn im gonna make em out of, though its been a minute since ive made one. but!! like i mentioned ive got a project on the mind, as im gonna try and make the "something strange and indescribable" from the Before the Flood backerkit campaign and im very excited abt it :3 stay tuned for posts abt my success or failure on this front

The Devil — What motifs or mechanics do you just keep coming back to? OR What is a game you’ve enjoyed playing in the last year?

NIGHTHAWKS by @titanrpg is really really good. it has a heart in it, one that beats at an all too-familiar rhythm. when i played it we told a story that was perhaps a touch too close to home as well, disparate sad people sitting several stools apart at a dive bar in a small town.

i have a tendency towards comedy when i play ttrpgs, but my favorite moments are all when ive been deeply serious and sad, and thats what i got from NIGHTHAWKS

The Tower — Talk about about a game you tried to make that crashed and burned.

center of the known universe was an anthology of games i wanted to make a while back, all inspired by the part of the nevadan desert i live in. i dont think its crashed and burned necessarily but i certainly never finished it and im not sure i ever will, though i still like the ideas for some of the games and may release them individually

The Star — Talk about a game you’re working on and what excites you about it.

a game ive been working on for a looong time that i dont think ive really talked abt on here is The Lady, The Tiger, and The Accused. its a descended from the queen game based on The Lady or The Tiger? short story, where (to put it very briefly) a king has created a new form of justice where the accused is put in an arena with two identical doors in front of them.

behind one door, a lady of an appropriate social standing for them to marry, behind the other a very hungry tiger. this leaves the verdict up to fate, for if the accused is innocent they will surely pick the door with the lady, and if they are guilty they will choose the door with the tiger.

but the accused in the story is also the lover of the lands princess, and when they look back at her for the last time she raises a hand and points towards one of the doors.

the question in the story is one of love. would the princess rather see her lover dead, or married to someone else?

what comes through the door, the lady or the tiger?

but! there are other characters in this story, with agency and lives of their own.

The Lady, The Tiger, and The Accused instead asks a question of trust. when The Accused looks back towards their princess, and she raises her hand, do they trust her? do they open the door that she points towards?

its a game for three players, with each person playing one of the titular characters. it uses the descended from the queen format to create the character of the princess throughout play, along with the characters of The Lady, The Tiger, and The Accused.

its a good game!! ive got a bit more work to do on it, mainly on the tiger role. not everyone is comfortable being an actual tiger and role playing scenes that involve communicating with humans or attending parties and such, it turns out.

but im really excited abt it overall :3 its good and fun and i think it uses the descended from the queen format really well and hopefully one day ill do a crowdfunding project for it and get enough money to hire a bunch of different artists to make princess illustrations for it >:333

The Sun — Talk about a game you’ve made that you’re proud of.

im proud of all of my games, in one way or another. but, with an obligatory Before the Flood mention (crowdfunding now!), im really and truly proud of my body is your body is our body is

it was my first kinda big game that i published, and there was a lot of stuff with the first edition i really wasnt super happy with. im really, really proud of myself for finally going back in this year and fixing it. its so much better now! in a lot of ways.

and i mean it was good to start with also, most of my problems were with the programming side of it. when i was making the second edition reading back through the game made me cry a bit lol. theres a lot of banger lines in there and a lot of feelings.

[redr0sewrites]

i wanted to kinda talk about my opinion on some things related to Ana Huang and the romance genre in general- sorry for the rant!!!

finished king of sloth by ana huang and urgrhrgrhrhrh i actually really really enjoyed it!!!! (i say that ab everything i read tho tbh, i've just never been the type who criticizes the media i consume so PLEASE don't ever base ur opinions off of mine :)

my post isn't about the book specifically or even the author. i lowkey have a bone to pick and its NOT with ana huang or the book but moreso the reaction i've been noticing about the book (specifically from people who have been making fun of it and/or people who read it)! this isn't meant to start discourse or anything but i am open to polite discussion about some of the points im bringing up. this is generally focused around ana huang but also a lot of majority-feminine centric media has this same problem.

anyways, i'm gonna try to express how i feel as best i can without being rude or offensive ajshsjs-

it just lowkey irks me that sm people have been hating on ana huang now that she's getting attention, and since she's a romance writer, her fans and fanbase is mostly women and/or girls, (which is totally ok)!! however, i genuinely feel like this is just another barbie movie or sarah j mass or taylor swift scenario where the second something/someone that a lot of woman like starts to get publicity, people (mostly men) start excessively hating on it.

i have genuinely seen sm people dissing not only ana huang but her writing as well. now i don't know much about her as a person and i know that a lot of people are flawed so if she's genuinely done something wrong PLEASE lmk, i don't keep up w that stuff. and hey, maybe you just didn't like the book and thats ok too!!! its totally valid to not like something, but to make fun of an author and the people who enjoy her content just seems.. ehh.

a lot and i mean a LOT of people claim that she's only popular because of her smut but i actually enjoy her books more than just for the smutty/romance aspect. maybe that's just me, but i genuinely find it interesting and a lot of other people i know also enjoy it for the plot. and if u are reading for the smut that's ok as well, this is a totally safe space, and nobody should judge u on your reasons to read a book. the books are INTENDED to be fluffy and spicy and overall are just fictional romantic stories. they're smutty, funny books, not the bible. it shocks me how much people make fun of them.

i just keep seeing this trend of people negatively nitpicking anything and everything about authors and their writing ESPECIALLY when its romance and it just rubs me the wrong way. ive seen a LOT of people upset about huang including cameo's of her other characters in her latest book, and if you don't like those other characters so much then why... are u reading it??? THAT SOUNDS SO MEAN IM SORRY but its just so strange that people are upset about her including her own characters from her own series'?

its just disappointing that whenever someone or something becomes popular, there are always people who are just trying to be negative and diss it along with the people who enjoy it. i'm NOT making this post to be rude or offensive to people who genuinely don't like the author or the series, ur absolutely entitled to ur own opinion!!! however i have just seen this link SO MANY TIMES of people suddenly disliking something/someone bc a lot of woman seem to enjoy it and it just makes me a bit sad and disappointed.

(also side note can men stop hating on the romance genre and books they haven't even read? please??? can feminine people like anything anymore??? romance exists as such a successful genre bc the majority of readers are WOMEN who have to create fictional scenarios about being loved by seemingly "unachievable" men that are literally just doing the bare minimum. women fantasize about being treated with BASIC HUMAN RESPECT as though that isn't the standard, bc honestly, it isnt.)

THIS POST IS NOT MEANT TO EXCLUDE ANY OF MY FELLOW NON-FEMALE/NON-WOMAN OR GENDER NON CONFORMING FOLK WHO ALSO ENJOY ROMANCE!!!! THIS IS JUST A GENERALIZATION BASED ON THINGS I HAVE NOTICED, AND I AM NOT EDUCATED/HAVE A DEGREE ON THE MATTER!!!! THIS IS SIMPLY AN OBSERVATION!!!!! IF UVE READ THIS LONG, MWAH MWAH MWAH!!!

[bloody-wonder]

omg im the tsc anon, i literally sent it cause i knew from the past aftg opinions you shared - you'd likely feel similarly to the way i did about tsc

neil outshines jean to such a shocking degree when he only has a handful of scenes... neil is a fantastic protagonist so ofc it's hard to live up to, but come on 😭 jean has such a weaker personality imo? he does/says less interesting things, but also has a less interesting perspective on things. his lack of standing up for himself when the trojans badgered him constantly and talked behind his back bothered me to. can u imagine neils reaction if the foxes had been sharing his secrets over a group chat?

but just in general. tsc felt like a sanitised version of aftg, if that makes sense? scrubbed clean of the controversial and unconventional aspects. and it's those aspects that, in my opinion, played a huge part in what made aftg so good. noras a very talented writer, but i can not comprehend the decision to make tsc... all that it was, yknow? it feels almost like it was written for the 'andreil say ily' part of the fandom...

neil really saved this book for me icl. outsider pov of him is fascinating. and while andrew barely said/did anything even when he was there, i actually kinda liked that? it puts into perspective how ig off-putting andrew can appear to those who don't put in the effort with him. 'creepy little goalkeeper' is so funny and so accurate, he IS a creepy little goalkeeper and i love that for him.

idk, some things i had anticipated - the trojans being who they are were never going to match the foxes. jeremy x jean was never going to match andreil (and ive seen ppl comparing them already... the blasphemy.) but there were things i was surprised weren't there. i had expected kevin and jeans relationship to be a lot more tense ig? i had thought jean would harbor a MUCH deeper resentment towards kevin, but i suppose its just not his character? but when i was reading, i couldn't help asking what would the fan reaction had been if that had been the case? if kevin and jeans past relationship, and places in a cult hierarchy, had shown through in a much uglier and uncomfortable way? i can see why she didn't do that, i don't even necessarily want that, i think i was just desperate for this book to have some sort of deep conflict between the characters.

on the subject, kevin felt quite different from how he was in aftg. but i can't quite put my finger on why.

anyway, it is nice to see someone else have mixed feelings towards the book. i enjoyed it, but i was shocked how many people seemed to really love it. not because it was bad. but because, to me, it was so fundamentally different from aftg.

thank you for sharing your thoughts! i suspected you might have written me bc i used to be the resident notorious contrarian of the fandom lol

yeah neil is a textbook example of a protag who drives the plot forward, he has that main character energy which jean totally lacks which makes sense since jean was originally a minor side character. at the same time the differences in their characterization make complete sense in universe due to the different ways they were brought up and the different trauma they faced. so it all comes down to each reader's personal preference: for me, neil's arc is a self-indulgent power fantasy. i think i have a strong sense of self and when i can't achieve something it's due to circumstances so far out of my control it's impossible to overcome them. it's therefore very satisfying to read about neil facing impossible odds and winning thanks to the sheer force of his personality, whereas jean's way of dealing with trauma feels less fun by comparison. but other readers can relate to him more and all the power to them. i do however think tsc does a disservice to its new characters by opening with a rather lengthy recap of how cool the foxes were in the last act of tkm and closing on a chapter where neil comes along and reminds us who the real hero of this story is🤷‍♀️

i don't think tsc has been entirely scrubbed clean of controversial aspects - i saw plenty of reviews complaining about the amount of dark content (in book 4 of a series known for its dark content, le gasp) - but i do think the handling of certain things was less nuanced than in aftg. for instance, both stories have a plot bit about someone unknowingly exposing a character to their abuser which leads to them being retraumatized (jean himself comments on the similarities between drake and grayson). in aftg that someone is nicky - a person andrew knows and trusts, a person the readers grew to care about (lol not me but certainly some other readers) - so his role in the tragic sequence of events is that much more upsetting. rape and abuse is terrible but the fact that a person who means well can exacerbate the issues bc they don't have the framework to understand the other person - that hits so much harder for me personally. so in the end drake is just an evil rapist but nicky is a much more nuanced character bc through him nora questions whether being nice and having good intentions is enough, whose feelings should be centered on in such a complex situation, whose emotional needs should be prioritized etc. by contrast, in tsc that person is lucas - someone we basically just met, who is nothing more than an antagonistic stranger to jean and who we therefore don't care about. which is why when he leads grayson to jean it's like, first of all, duhh. but secondly, bc it happens against the backdrop of the other ("good") trojans' cheerfully patronizing attitude it doesn't come so much as a shocking twist that puts the ways how we deal with complex trauma into an unconventional perspective than as a culmination of everyone disrespecting jean's boundaries all the time - which is likely what nora intended but the overall constellation feels much less interesting to me.

ig this ties into your point about the book lacking the kind of deep conflict aftg had - but maybe that was intentional too, maybe it's supposed to be aftg light in that sense, sort of a post canon character study fic. which i am not opposed to, not everything has to be high plot and tension and grey morality, but unfortunately the emotional core the story relies on in the absence of the plot just didn't work for me. i can accept jean's "weaker" personality, i can understand him not being able to stand up for himself even tho i can't admire it, but i draw the line at how forced his friendship with jeremy and the girls ended up feeling. like, i still can't get over cat's sex toy joke right on the heels of jean being badgered into admitting he had been sexually abused - the info which jeremy promptly spilled to the girls. if something like that happened to me i would never be able to trust these people again, much less call them friends so soon. it's such a bizarre contrast between how neil joining the monsters in tfc despite their problematic initiation rituals feels valid bc the narrative earned it both plot-wise (we're now facing a bigger enemy together) and character-wise (neil pushing back, talking about why they did it, nicky apologizing) on the one hand - and how jean accepting jeremy, cat and laila as his new friends feels rushed and artificial despite them being so very nice and domestic and wholesome on the other hand. idk maybe it's bc i'm inherently skeptical about disingenuous cozy/hopepunk subgenres in modern lit bc they usually have a darker underbelly people are loath to confront but ngl the words sanitized and conventional did come to mind while reading and so did the idea that tsc will especially appeal to a certain subset of fans which found the (at times uncomfortable) complexity of the original trilogy too much to handle. well, i hope they're enjoying their fantasy of healing a survivor of cptsd by cooking and shopping and hugs - i certainly got to enjoy mine in aftg, there's plenty to go around lol

besides, tsc being so different/separate from aftg makes it really easy to just not engage with the fan content and discussions if it starts feeling like they veer into the annoying territory too much. tbh my primary concern when tsc was announced was that it could contain some retcons about andreil and aftg which i wouldn't agree with - and that didn't happen, my boys are still very much in character, so i can just retreat to my enclosure and leave tsc to jean stans who are its main target audience in any case.