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throwaway-yandere · 2 years ago

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"No." (Yandere!Albedo/Reader)

A/n: I got sick but it just so happens I live off of spite so I finally finished this fic. Most characters are a bit/really obnoxious here. Also, the reader's state of mind and relationships with friends are unhealthy so if you're sensitive to the following CW please skip this fic. (If you're wondering why the fic is... Like this then here's me rambling here)

Unreliable synopsis: You kissed the most popular professor on campus. (Subtle yan!fic)

gn!reader

Cw: yandere, unhealthy friendship dynamics with clingy!sucrose & other characters, student/teacher relationship implications, the reader is an eccentric "class clown" with implied mild impostor syndrome, and small mentions of sexual harassment. (I'm not a medical professional so please take the impostor syndrome warning with a grain of salt– just added it in case this type of content is triggering. This isn't smut and it doesn't fully explore the last topic, but still please reach out for support if you are a victim of sexual harassment. Title IX is a very real thing.)

-------

"Does accidentally kissing someone cross a line in Title IX?"

That sentence alone makes you sound incredibly criminal out of context, and it doesn't get better with it either.

Your long-time friend, Sucrose, became fixated on setting you up with a romantic partner after the breakup you had three months prior.

It was not a heart-wrenching tale, if anything, the entire relationship you had with Arataki Itto plays off as a major joke. You dated the man simply because you thought his impulsive behavior was entertaining, and oddly enough, he found your unpredictable temperament alluring. You just never anticipated that the idiot will buy an overpriced toy drum when you asked him to get a coke and "get something for yourself as well."

It's no surprise you permitted him to spend your money. But that wasn't even supposed to be a gamble. That was just an instruction, and he failed HARD. Arataki "I-swear-you-didn't-say-Pepsi(???)" Itto... got you orange juice.

Breaking up was a huge relief. Instead of adopting a façade of the partner he wants, you have at last discovered the temporary freedom to choose over what you enjoy. For a while, they didn't treat you like a court jester; instead, they gave you the tender care you'd reserve for a helpless person.

Sucrose was distraught when you two decided to stop everything after Itto wasted most of your money by falling for Dori's scam. She appeared to be more affected than you two. Sucrose must have thought of you two as "the Golden pair" since she is naturally fascinated by research about personalities and relationships— more notably the 16 personality types. Seeing you two break up was an antithesis to her defense on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test. You broke up due to (financial) differences, and there's no unreliable science needed to learn that.

Here lies the problem: Sucrose refused to give up.

You've heard concerns about her callous demeanor in person and online. Some people thought it endearing that you have a friend who genuinely cares about you, while others consider her nagging to be a burden, and rightfully so.

You felt icky after accidentally seeing her list of candidates, yet you can't bring yourself to make a strong effort to stop her. Sucrose lost two of her best friends last year in an accident, and you are essentially the only support that's keeping her sanity in check, but sometimes you feel as though you are risking your health on the line. She had written down some questionably extensive background on every man and woman she thought was worthy... You don't even want to know why Ajax is on that list.

No matter the reason, that didn't stop Timaeus from barfing out his triple-layered peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"W-WHAT on EARTH did you DO this time?!"

Sure is tough being a menace to society.

Hah... You're already on the brink of a mental breakdown and yet you still kept making self-deprecating jokes.

"WHAT'S with THE reaction?" You asked, casually copying his tone before you sank to your seat. "It's JUST a QUESTION."

"We know how you work, (Y/n)!" He knew you were purposefully trying to rile him up, yet Timaeus slammed a fist on the table in exaggerated disgust. "You did the EXACT same thing last time. You asked us 'hOw bAd woUld iT bE iF I datEd a gaNgstEr' and then you fucking did it anyways! What the hell– heck."

Timaeus's outburst was audible throughout the entire cafeteria, yet nobody seemed to care. The other people you shared the table with, Ying'er, Collei, and Tighnari all cast curious glances at you. It's not as though they have never heard of your misadventures before, frankly, whenever something happens they avidly observe it. You're all inseparable because of your shticks. However, apart from Sucrose, Dorian had been awol from your friend group, and it is no less due to the headline you're about to announce.

None of them took you too seriously, which they should have, given the nature of Title IX. As "good" friends, they should've worried over your safety and overall wellbeing.

You could feel tears of fear and frustration swell up in your eyes.

Yet you couldn't be mad at them for reacting this way.

You're the chaotic link– the friend that didn't quite fit in– assigned to the role of being the "funny one." It started with a single joke until you unintentionally formed a false sense of confidence that you're something bigger than what you are. Everyone thinks you're hilarious, and you're afraid of disappointing them. You weren't trying to be funny most of the time, they just want someone to laugh and point at. Even though you are academically above average yourself, without your carelessness and gambles, you practically have nothing to offer this otherwise brilliant population.

Timaeus may not always deliver the right answer in his alchemy test papers, but he's never wrong about you even if he's drunk off of two bottles of Death After Noon. You recall Timaeus specifically in that instance because he was right; you have no future and you won't amount to anything.

In short, your image dilemma can be summed up by something you said high out of your mind in front of the mirror: "I think I accidentally gained an ego after joking about being hot and sexy one too many times, and now I'm being punished for my hubris." (You're never asking Lisa for philosophy book recommendations on Sundays ever again.)

And if it's true that you have no future and that you're nothing more than an insecure fraud, then you might as well come clean right now and let your "friends" break their ties. It doesn't matter, not anymore.

Ying'er laughed heartily. Contrary to her lover, she loves it whenever you act like this since it makes her normally composed and optimistic boyfriend snap and curse... You would know because she constantly divulges pointless details about how "hot" it was in private messages. And you two weren't even that close when she first did that. But now she's practically your unofficial attorney with how many times she played devil's advocate. You'll miss her.

"Why are you already accusing them? Who knows, maybe they're the victim here, babe. You're being too insensitive."

"Yeah, Tim, you should listen to your girlfriend over here." You nudged him and he glared vehemently.

"(Y/n), you're not supposed to openly agree with me, but yeah, why don't you give them the benefit of the doubt?"

You gave Ying'er a weak friendly wink and a thumbs up, feeling repulsed at yourself deep down. It's incredibly flattering for her to insinuate a professor would find you attractive rather than filing a restraining order.

She'll probably hate you once she finds out the truth, right? She did have a crush on your victim.

"This is them we're talking about." Timaeus glared. "They're bound to do something stupid. C'mon, Tighnari, say something!"

Tighnari merely shrugged and stabbed his fork into a mushroom (presumably poisonous, given its unnatural blue color). He had grown tired of dealing with your antics over the years. No lecture had ever worked in the past, and you both telepathically agreed that streak was not going to end today. You're lying about being self-possessed. He knew that whenever this happens, you were trying to be an idiot, and did not allow yourself to be an idiot. There's a fine difference between those two, and he knows which is which.

In a way, Tighnari views you in a more positive light than most of your friends. And he could sense that you have more grave matters to say.

So, he played along to help you set the mood. "I said this yesterday and I'll say it again: we're studying to become botanists. We're growing plants. Our future job isn't to help them grow a brain."

"Facts." You snapped your fingers and smugly nodded.

"Don't just agree with him!"

"You can grow plants all you want but just know my Timaeus right here doesn't need any more growing if you catch my drift~."

"Ying'er." Collei groaned.

"What? I was just saying his height is perfect enough as it is."

"I feel like we're having thirty different conversations at once."

"Your mother is thirty different conversations at once–"

"Mx. (L/n)."

The table went silent. Except for yourself, who's still droning on, unfinished. Everyone noticed the uninvited man in the cafeteria and their lips were silenced.

Here he is.

"–eeegood evening, Professor Albedo." You stood up from your seat and slightly bowed your head down.

It's the untouchable Professor Albedo. The Alchemy Professor on this forsaken campus exudes a breath of freshness even if the scent of chemicals follows him like an affectionate dog. The only person that students would ogle at amid all the balding learning facilitators. Sucrose's mentor. Dorian's 32-year-old brother. The "Kreideprinz".

And the guy that might just sue you for your careless mistake.

Your circle caught the tension between you two and started watching the scene unfold like a car accident.

Professor Albedo cocked his head forward. You never claimed to be one of his adoring fans who can spot his emotions after one look, but your gut tells you that he's more than amused despite his stoic expression. He's similar to Dorian in that aspect.

"I trust that you've read the excerpt I've sent you?" He asked in almost a whisper.

You thoughtlessly lamely pulled up your library-borrowed copy of Title IX. In your perspective, nothing matters anymore, so you might as well let it out there.

Your friends jolted simultaneously, someone even dropped their utensils while Collei hit her knee up the table and hissed at the pain.

"Oh my God..." Timaeus shuddered.

Your friends had the face that collectively screamed "YOU MADE OUT WITH PROFESSOR ALBEDO?!" in all capitals, bold, italics, underlined, shadowed with thick black strokes– whatever makes it more out there. They're not in the wrong to react that way.

In one single move, you broke 2 rules on the so-called Bro Code, one being the infamous "don't fuck my brother" and the second being the lesser known "don't fuck my professor". Not only that, but most importantly you violated a line or two in Title IX.

Leave it to (Y/n) (L/n) to break more than three rules on the daily.

... You really should stop making jokes as a coping mechanism.

The cafeteria started to murmur, urging their seatmates for information they don't have. You released a small, clipped laugh. You should've thought that one through.

Tighnari meets your eyes with a sympathetic stare. You could tell he had more to say, but your heavy heart no longer wished to know.

"... Great work." The professor said just as nonchalantly. No doubt, he tried to salvage your reputation but you sabotaged it yourself. How wasteful. He beckoned you forward with one finger.

"Come with me. We'll talk somewhere more private."

You walked away from your table and gave them one look.

They were incredibly disturbed to see a small sad smile on your face, rather than the wide mischievous grin that they were used to. After seeing that, they all had one emotionally detached thought in mind:

So, it wasn't a joke after all.

--------------

You neither like nor dislike Professor Albedo.

There are multiple fluffs about how friendly and dorkish he is as a reclusive person, but none of them sparked your interest. You often feigned reactions whenever Dorian expresses his apparent disdain for his more successful brother, and your sly smile barely reaches your eyes. If anything, hearing about the same man over and over again makes him feel oversaturated rather than entertaining. He's too perfect in those gossips that you're bored to tears.

At least the rumors were positively right about one thing: his tastefully braided blonde hair and blue eyes make him no lesser than a portrait of a prince. But no more special than Dorian, in all honesty. You wouldn't be able to know which is which if they wore similar clothes and let their hair down. They're like clones of each other.

Albedo kept fidgeting a hand inside his pocket, and you can't hazard a guess as to what it is. A recording device, perhaps? You pride yourself on your ability to read and toy people like clockwork. That ability, however, does not translate well with Professor Albedo.

You snapped out of your trance as the professor began reading what was on his clipboard.

"(Y/n) (L/n). 27. Graduate School. Taking a Ph.D. Botany program– though if I hadn't known that, I would've guessed you were a music major." Albedo vaguely pointed at your face without looking. "Your tongue would've fooled me."

You flinched. Is he teasing you or scolding you– you can't make sense of his tone. He's too monotonous.

"Professor, are you uncomfortable right now? If so, I could leave if you wish and we can talk via email instead about your complaint."

Professor Albedo eyed you carefully this time, even though he's squirmish. The tone you used to address him and your overall body language differ greatly from how you behave in the company of your friend group. Your professionalism does not match how the rumors perceive you. This is probably the reason why young professor Kusanali didn't believe any rumors about you. He was impressed.

"Am I supposed to be happy that you’re not giving me a moment of your time?” He said. "It's a bit difficult to achieve that state when you have yet to slip out of my mind. You did assault me yesterday–"

"Yes, yes, I'm well aware of that, Professor." You cringed. "But–"

"Albedo."

"Sorry?"

"You kissed me, (Y/n). I think you can call me Albedo."

"Right." You chuckled nervously. "Like I was saying, P-Professor, it's all a major misunderstanding. I wasn't aiming to assault you."

Albedo raised an eyebrow. He did not miss the way you suavely dodged calling him by name. Other than that, assault is a strong word, and he did not expect you to use it as well.

You thought it was a fitting word to use. Albedo barely makes eye contact, and he probably doesn't like being reminded that you stole a kiss from him.

"It's Albedo. So, you were planning to sexually assault another student?"

He is relentlessly quick on the uptake. Albedo sounded like a cop. What he said was correct, absurdly phrased, but correct nonetheless.

"I mean..." You rubbed your hands against your pants. They were a bit sweaty, and you had to accept the fact you were not faking it. You are genuinely anxious. "When you put it like that, it does sound inexcusable doesn't it?"

"It is a positively hair-raising notion, yes." Albedo deadpanned. "And if I had to take an educated guess, you were planning to assault my younger brother Dorian and you mistook me for him instead."

"..."

Figuring that out was a no-brainer. Although Professor Albedo is older than his brother, their appearance and physique make them appear twin-like. Dorian once droned about how it happened due to Albedo's poor upbringing under their aunt Alice's guidance, making his growth stunted. And his tendency to talk your ear out is one of many reasons why your intrusive thoughts often suggest that Dorian had no personality outside being the renowned professor Albedo's younger brother. Hence, you don't absorb a word of what he says. You didn't listen to gossip often cause you figured that you were not one for trivial gossip like the rest of the student botanists.

... And based on the dilemma you find yourself in now, it appears as though you don't have common sense like the rest of your peers either–

"Please stop woolgathering. Is there a more interesting specimen to take note of on the floor? You seem to be more intrigued by what's on your shoes."

You cringed for what you felt like the 1000th milestone at that point.

"Professor, I know that I sound terrible–"

Albedo sighed. "I would never insinuate that, Mx. (L/n)."

"But you keep cutting me off." You said in a questioning tone. It sounded a lot more polite in your head, yet the famous Kreideprinz was flustered by your reply.

He cleared his throat. "Sorry. I didn't mean to. Carry on. You are aware that you sound like a sex offender, and?"

That came out incredibly cold. It felt like being under the cold blade of a frigid prince, and his icy stare and light complexion just adds the cherry on top. The professor said that he wasn't insulting you but his paraphrasing is exactly that. You didn't comment on it, figuring your education is more important than a harsh remark, and continued.

"... The truth is," you took a deep breath. "I only kissed you cause, well, I mistook you for Dorian, and also because I was trying to get Sucrose–."

"Sucrose?" Professor Albedo's eyebrows furrowed. "Sucrose, one of my–"

"Your student assistants? Y-Yes, sir." You nodded hesitantly. "We're best friends– not that it's unsurprising since I am a bad influence and she's a good person. I recently went through a breakup and she's worried about me. Dorian agreed to fake date and make Sucrose believe that she accidentally found us making out in a room to make it more believable but–"

"You mistook me for my brother."

"... Yeeaaahhh...."

"..."

This reminded you of your conversation with Dorian a while back. You asked if he and his brother would switch lives for a day, and he cackled and told you it happens more than the number you were thinking of. The moment you realized who you were kissing, you clung to the sliver of hope that it was Dorian wearing his brother's lab coat. It was not.

You looked down at your shoes again. It's too embarrassing and shameful that your entire lineage will probably be cursed.

"..."

Knowing that you won't talk until he does, Professor Albedo read through his notes for a topic.

"Understandable. I presume you know my brother because you're both on the same course and are on similar schedules?"

"Yes, sir." Should you tell him the whole fake-date thing was Dorian's idea as well?

"It's Albedo to you. And to add to that, Sucrose is under the impression that we're dating."

"I think so, sir."

"That's not a question, (Y/n), that's a fact." He said. "She recently confronted me to ask if we're dating."

You gulped. Moment of truth.

"What did you tell her, sir?"

"What do you want me to tell her?"

You could hear your pulse pounding in your ears.

On one hand, you want her to know what happened, but at the same time that would just blow you and Dorian's cover story.

But was that a smug tone you heard? Is he toying with you?

You bit your bottom lip.

"... Yes, I think? What did you say, professor?"

"Albedo."

You tilted your head. "What?"

"Respectfully, please call me by my name and I'll tell you the answer." He smirked curtly, but it was gone before you could process it.

"S-Sir!"

Albedo shrugged. "Guess you'll have to ask her directly–"

"Sir Albedo–"

"Hmm, I don't recall having 'Sir' in my birth certificate–"

"Albedo! Albedo!" Geez.

He gave a small smile, longer this time. But he was still avoiding eye contact. You puffed your cheeks, embarrassed.

Prof. Albedo has a slightly twisted sense of humor.

None of this was professional, at all.

You felt your face growing warmer. You can't believe this is the same Albedo everyone is crushing on.

You bit back a sharp retort. He sounded a lot more serious in campus gossip, and not the type to pull on your heartstrings like this. Your faith in that image is wearing thin.

The professor laughed. "I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting such an enthusiastic reply. You don't have to be nervous around me, (Y/n). I figured that if we were going to do this, you could use my first name.

"I refrained from answering. But, if you wish, I can confirm her suspicions. However, I must inform you in advance that I find relationships rather... Tiresome." Albedo robotically sighed. "I struggle to maintain them, so you will have to guide me."

Never in your life have you ever considered the possibility that a professor in your grad school would ask you to fake a romantic relationship with him.

You digressed, not wanting to make a decision just yet. "But isn't your job in danger?"

Albedo then spoke in a genuine trill of amusement.

"Not at all. Besides, I don't care enough to file a complaint about this incident. Also, you're not my student. Suffice it to say, I've thoroughly checked the handbook and consulted the headmaster herself. Rhinedottir sees no problem with this arrangement–"

Probably because she's your mother.

"–Granted, it will not be in full effect unless you give this a go signal. Will you?"

You looked away.

"This situation... Kinda reads like some cheap Harlequin novel, doesn't it?" You muttered.

It's a great offer. But it sounds too good to be true...

... Did he say that he wasn't going to file a complaint in the first place?

The professor watched as your impassive stare morphed into something uneven and sly but unavoidably empty. You clicked your tongue as your hands slip back to your pockets. Albedo could tell you're holding back an ugly laugh.

A switch had been flipped.

Professor Albedo immediately noticed the change in your demeanor and crossed his arms. He's anticipated this much. There's no way he didn't know about your "self-destructive patterns."

How interesting. For both you AND him.

"So, Albedo." You lazily pointed at him. "Something's fishy about this, don't you think?"

"You're too eager to help. I'd get it if you have something to gain from this, like scaring off your fangirls or something, but you fend them off just fine anyways." You grinned.

"I'm flattered that you think I send them away effortlessly." He answered point-blank.

Albedo turned to you, his face dim and heavily affected by his calm resignation.

"It's incredibly taxing work. I've told you before, haven't I? I may seem calm on the surface but people can be... A considerable handful."

His smile belied the severity of his inner turmoil.

But you can't help but doubt him. You don't buy his pitifulness.

You reassessed the situation in an instant. The Albedo you're talking to acts far from the untouchable Chalk Prince from the get-go. His words did not boast his usual research-riddled speech. This act is more than just premeditated.

Sure. You're the sort who is bound by what you "owe," but you can't say you can't empathize with his problems because he didn't seem-- he ISN'T troubled in the first place. And you're almost sure of it.

You believe you're not smart enough to remain in this university. But at least you have faith that you're perceptive and street-wise.

Still, you kept your hollow cheeky grin plastered to your face.

"Then why aren't you taking a less problematic approach? You could say you're dating Professor Alberich– you'd get some people off your back."

Translation: Can't you just bother someone else?

"By attracting other unpleasant folks pestering me about Kaeya instead, yes, seems like a sound suggestion. I'll keep it in mind for future reference."

Translator's note: He's being sarcastic. Stop trying to worm your way out of this one.

Albedo continued. "But right now that's not viable. If you feel guilty for stealing a kiss from me this may be a good opportunity to ease your conscience."

...

"That's it? But you won't report me if I didn't agree to these terms, right?"

"Of course. I have your best interests in mind and simply warned you." He gave you a faint smile, hoping to ease your nerves. "You're part of Rukkha's batch of dean's listers. I don't have the heart to file a complaint."

Rukkha was a great woman, but you don't deserve your scholarships and sponsors. You don't have any talent or skill to truly impress people, and it seems you fooled both Professor Rukkhadevata and Albedo into thinking you're something special as well.

"Professor...."

But with what he basically said just now is that there are no consequences for your actions.

"It's Albedo, and yes?"

"You seem to have reserved some very unrealistic expectations for me. You should be more distrusting."

"... What do you mean?"

"I don't see any reason to accept your offer." You honestly had no idea where this confidence is coming from. Perhaps your class clown persona had slowly rubbed off on the "real" you, and for once you didn't hate yourself for it.

Because you don't want to be in this relationship. It's legal, yes, and you're old enough, but you're incredibly wary. Albedo may be leagues better than Itto but that's beside the point: you're emotionally spent and you're not ready to get to know another person.

"Oh, understood. For starters, agreeing to these terms will make Sucrose less abrasive with her attempts to set you up, and I could help you with connections."

"That sounds as though I'll be abusing your influence..."

You paused.

Did you tell the professor about Sucrose's disturbing attempts to hook you up with people earlier...?

You don't recall ever sharing that bit of information. You made sure to pick your words carefully so Sucrose wouldn't be seen in a bad light. Since when did he...

"What? No, it's not. It's simply a small trade for your cooperation."

"No."

"And– sorry?"

You can see the appeal. You truly do. When you are chosen by someone of greater influence and intellect, it seems almost magical. He could undoubtedly help your botany profession thrive. Most people would conclude that if Professor Albedo chose them from the crowd, they must be extremely unique in comparison to their peers.

However, this is somewhat unethical. This is the kind of scenario you'd find in a shoddy coming-of-age novel that desperately tries to convince you that there are no other elements to consider but love. However, you must also consider your mental health, reputation, education, and other factors that influence every fiber of your being.

Albedo isn't the type of person who would jeopardize your future over a minor disagreement, but you never know with people. People change as much as seasons do. You are a living example of this. Itto would not have used that argument against you if it were untrue.

You have nothing against those who engage in lawful student-teacher relationships, but you're self-aware enough to recognize that you're not mentally fit to enter one. And sometimes the conclusion is as straightforward as that. Besides, you're sick of having others (including yourself) continually doubting your intelligence. Fake-dating a professor will only exacerbate the situation. Rumors will spread that you only earned your grades because of him and not out of your efforts. Dorian already had it rough, and you've learned what it's like through him. Simple self-preservation.

"Thanks for the offer, really, but no. If I'll date someone, even if it's fake, I want to set it under my terms as well."

You scratched your neck, eyes lifeless.

"I'm sorry, Professor. But I genuinely can't see why this agreement will help both of us, I especially can't see why this will benefit you compared to your other options. I could just come out and say I mistook you for Dorian and it's an easy fix to my problems and in turn, you wouldn't have to deal with the stigma of dating a student. I'm sorry, Prof. I'll take a rain check on it."

You shrugged uncomfortably. "Besides, this is still a student-teacher relationship. I'm uncomfortable being in an uneven power dynamic like that. I'd rather date Dorian instead."

...

Shit.

Okay, maybe accidentally implying that you're open to dating his kid brother had to be the second most uncomfortable thing you subjected Albedo to.

You didn't mean to come off as THAT honest.

A test tube must've cracked somewhere around the area cause you could've sworn you heard something shatter. You flinched, but he didn't.

"... Is that so." The professor muttered. You almost didn't hear him from how silent his defeat was.

You sighed in relief so intense that you physically felt your shoulder muscles relax and your eyes roll back. Seems like he gave up.

"I promise that I'll pay you back in other ways, professor. I owe you and I'm sorry. But I must refuse for both our sakes." You said. "I have taken something important from you, and I will respectfully understand if you file a complaint for what I've done. No one should have a kiss stolen like that."

He didn't reply. Albedo stood there, eyes unblinking as he mulled over your words. At the beginning of this conversation, he barely looked you directly in the eye, but now he refused to look away.

You waited for him to say something else and stood there for a solid minute. Nothing came.

"Please, excuse me."

You wanted to say that you left to give him more time to consider but the truth is that you couldn't bare standing there for a second more so you left in a frantic hurry.

It was only when you left did you realize what made you wary of him the entire conversation.

Professor Albedo wasn't breathing the entire time.

-------

Upon unlocking his door, Albedo was greeted by a boy with a face akin to his. He was waiting for him, and in turn, Albedo anticipated that he would be here, too. The boy sat idly and almost casually inside a room littered with wall to wall of red-stringed photographs and texts, and there was not a single hint of disgust or any other natural reaction on his face. Albedo's nose scrunched.

Dorian did not budge from his brother– master's office chair. He stared back with a blank expression. Most papers were by his feet, crumpled, but not discarded. How could they be, when all pictures centered around one very precious subject:

You.

You, in all forms, poses, and angles make you ineffably you. These are the candid shots that bring out the little moments that Albedo longed to study under a microscope. They didn't need to be dynamic, rather, Albedo adored the simplest pictures the most. Needless to say, images of you resting is the most popular. It's a lot more convenient and easy to take, but that doesn't cheapen the value and elation the professor feels upon holding the finished polaroid up close.

Every time he swapped schedules with Dorian, he couldn't help but be curious about you.

It doesn't stop there. Albedo clicked his tongue as he noticed the journal Dorian held. It was his dog-eared notes he cleanly put together when jotting down your schedule, private life, and other more delicate intricacies. The clipboard he had earlier is nothing more than a silly prop compared to his actual notes. There's something so breathtaking about making the "unknown" into the "known", and the same applies to every bit of your life that he was curious about. Albedo's aware that it's not something he should brag about. Retrieving paraphernalia such as worn-out gardening gloves and locks of hair from your shower drain was not something he acquired robotically. However, he didn't fancy the idea that Dorian read it and found it just as entertaining as he did. He didn't like the idea of sharing.

Maybe you were right.

Maybe he did reserve some very unrealistic and idolized expectations for you. But that was only because he can see your potential. He firmly believes that. It's an awful and objectifying train of thought, but the professor is convinced he'll be the one who can "fix" your people-pleasing issue.

He figured, if he wants to make sure you'd always be with him, he had to conduct some trial-and-error.

Albedo breathed harshly. He forgot how to do so. He never needed to breath.

"Did it work?" Dorian asked. "Did your plan work?"

His eyes went dim.

Albedo didn't answer.

He locked the door again. This time, he allowed Dorian to keep the lights on. If anything, it's a small reward for indirectly helping him. But not even his fellow creation can have what the genius professor of the century desires to attain. He has to face the truth.

Albedo pulled out a recording device from his pocket. You said no. There's nothing he could do about that.

"No."

"No. No. No. No. No--"

He played your refusal over and over again.

He thought he did everything right. He genuinely believed he followed the right procedure in getting you to say yes. What went wrong, then? Albedo doesn't get it. He was sure that he didn't say anything wrong or suspicious as well. You shouldn't have known that he had been following you from that conversation alone.

"No."

He practiced everything for hours.

"No."

Word for word.

"No."

He researched tips and tricks on how to let other people's guard down.

"No."

He thought not pressuring you to do it will make you more willing.

"No."

He even asked Alberich how to subtly flirt with someone.

"No."

So. What went wrong?

"No--"

Albedo slowly blinked before realizing he had thrown the device against the wall in full force. The batteries and their other internal components spilled on the floor. He didn't have the willpower to clean it up.

It's an undeniable error. He still can't believe his approach failed.

Master was right.

"Dearest Albedo, if you can't have them in their most authentic self, then what's stopping you from making an indistinguishable copy?"

#tag: no - albedo #yandere genshin x reader #yandere albedo #yandere genshin #yandere genshin impact #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere fanfiction #yandere #yandere genshin imagines #albedo x reader #yandere male #yandere oneshot #ansy-writes

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fridayfirefly · 4 years ago

Text

Retirement

Read Retirement on AO3

Masterlist

For Maribat March Day 21 - Domestic Bliss

The first time Marinette and Garfield ever discussed retirement was before they even started dating. For superheroes, retirement was just a fact of life. One day, if you make it long enough, you'll put down the suit and you'll never pick it up again. Maybe someone will take your place. Hopefully, no one will need to. But no matter how strong you are, not even if you're Superman in his prime, the simple fact was that someday you would retire.

"What do you think you'll do after you retire?" Marinette mused to Garfield. Out of all the Titans, Marinette spent the most time around Gar, simply because the two of them spent a lot of time in the living room. Marinette liked the ambient noise that his video games provided when she worked on her projects, and Gar liked to have someone to talk to while he played. Most of Marinette's current focus was on the embroidery in her hands, as she stitched vines running down the sleeves of her shirt, but she still took the time to start a conversation with Gar.

"I dunno..." Gar glanced up from the game he was playing. "What'll you do once you give up being Ladybug."

"That's a tough question. I used to think that I wanted to run a big fashion company, like Agreste Fashion, but now I think I want something a little more low-key. In my ideal future, I own a little boutique where I make custom clothing. There would be a fabric store and a café on the same block as me, and I would never have to leave the neighborhood."

"That sounds nice. I think I might try going to college and see where that takes me. I applied to Jump City University right before Christmas, and they accepted me. If I went, I would start classes in the fall.”

Marinette’s head jerked up as she gave Gar her full, undivided attention. “I’m going to JCU next fall!” she exclaimed excitedly. “We might have classes together. What are you planning on majoring in?”

Gar shrugged, “JCU has a veterinary program that I'm interested in. I'd be taking animal behavior, biology, chemistry, and a whole bunch of other science classes.”

“That’s so cool!”

“It’s nothing much. I didn’t expect them to accept me, anyway.”

Gar seemed oddly subdued about the idea of going to college. He was a naturally enthusiastic person, which made it very out of character for him to be so dismissive. It worried Marinette. “No, you deserve praise for your accomplishment. Jump City University is a very selective school.”

“I’m not a genius. I’m just me.”

“You’re smart, Gar, I know you are. Getting accepted to JCU is just one of the many reasons why you are brilliant.”

“Are you gonna name them all for me?” joked Gar.

His question was rhetorical, just a joke, but Marinette wasn't finished convincing Gar that he deserved all the praise in the world. “For starters, you can finish any video game in less than a day. Even the ones where you need logic and strategy, you fly right through them. Secondly, you’re a genius when it comes to animals. And it’s not just because of your superpower. You taught yourself animal behavior so that you could blend in with the animals you’re imitating. Thirdly, you pretend not to be invested in politics, but I’ve seen how you keep yourself informed about environmental policies and activism. You really care about the planet. Fourthly-“

"Alright, Buginette,” laughed Gar, a slight blush on his cheeks. “You’ve proven your point.”

Marinette set her embroidery down on the coffee table and moved to Gar's couch. "Is this game multiplayer?"

"Yep. Do you want to play a few rounds?"

"Hmm... I think I could spare a few minutes to kick your butt."

"Please. I'm going to squash you like the little bug you are."

"You wish!"

----------

The next time Marinette and Gar discussed retirement was well after they started dating. They got together in their Junior year at JCU after spending two years in relationship limbo, with both too nervous to make the first move. They finally confessed their feelings for each other after Dick and Starfire locked them in a closet together until they admitted that they liked each other. They graduated college as a couple, with Gar planning on attending veterinary school and Marinette planning on starting up her fashion business. That summer they spent a lot of time talking about the future.

"I've been thinking of recruiting someone to take over as Ladybug," remarked Marinette as she cuddled up next to Gar on the couch.

"Really? Who do you have your eye on?" asked Gar.

"Wonder Woman recently took on a new protege, Cassie Sandsmark. The Ladybug Miraculous already has some connections to Wonder Woman and her home of Themyscira. Her mother, Queen Hippolyta, was a wielder of the Ladybug Miraculous for quite some time."

"If you gave up the Miraculous would you still fight crime?"

Marinette shook her head. "I think it might be time to give up crimefighting. It's been ten years since I took up the Ladybug Miraculous to fight Hawkmoth, and six years since Hawkmoth was defeated. I wasn't ready to give up that responsibility then, but I think I'm ready now."

"When would you give up the Miraculous?"

"Soon. I talked to Wonder Woman about it last week and she's enthusiastic about the idea. I would need to spend some time getting to know Cassie, just to make sure she's a good fit, and Tikki would need to vet her as well, but I have a good feeling that she'll pass any tests of character we put her through." Marinette turned to face Gar. "I didn't want to make any concrete decisions before I talked to you. I know that we've always fought crime together, but I'm ready to move on with my life. I'm ready to retire."

Gar nodded. "I understand and I fully support your decision. I've been considering leaving the Titans as well. I know I could continue living in the Tower and attend veterinary school at JCU, but last week I got an acceptance letter from UC Davis for their School of Veterinary Medicine."

Marinette's eyes widened. "Gar, that's amazing! I remember looking into UC Davis when you were applying, and their program is nationally ranked."

Gar grinned. "The best in the country. It's too good to pass up."

"You have to go!" exclaimed Marinette. "This is your dream!"

"I think I'll send in my acceptance tomorrow," decided Gar. "Maybe we can go to Davis this weekend and scout out an apartment."

"And fabric stores," chimed in Marinette.

Gar laughed. "Anything for you, Buginette."

----------

The final time Marinette and Gar discussed retirement was years later. Marinette and Gar had gotten married and had moved back to Jump City. Marinette opened her fashion boutique, which had very quickly exploded in popularity. Gar started working for a non-profit veterinary clinic, which provided free veterinary services to lower-income neighborhoods. They had both achieved their dreams, and yet neither seemed content with their lives.

"Maybe we just need a change of scenery," suggested Marinette, leaning her head against Gar as they both sat on the beach watching the sunset. "I'm so tired of the city."

"Maybe," said Gar. "It would be nice to have a house with a backyard, rather than just an apartment."

Marinette sighed. "I know that I always said that I wanted to be the owner of a successful boutique, but this wasn't really what I had in mind. I'm so busy that I feel like I never get to spend any time with you anymore. Every day my inbox is filled with emails asking me to sell my company or expand to more locations. I'm tired of it. My passion is for making clothes, not running a business."

"I know how you feel. Every day I encounter another neglectful pet owner who brings their animal to the clinic for help but refuses to listen to me when I tell them that they need to change the way they treat their animal. It's exhausting."

"We could both just quit our jobs and move into the woods," joked Marinette.

Gar nodded, but he wasn't joking. "I've actually been thinking about that. There are a lot of remote regions with a real need for veterinary practices to provide medical assistance for the farm animals out there. I would feel a lot more useful taking care of animals that don't have anyone else."

Marinette turned to face Gar. "I wouldn't mind moving. I've been sending all of the offers to buy my boutique straight to my email archive, but I'm sure if I looked through them all I could find someone who would be able to take care of the business aspect of Ladybug Designs. I could retire from the business and design on my own time, when the inspiration strikes, instead of forcing myself to churn out design after design."

"You really wouldn't mind?" asked Gar, a hopeful look on his face.

Marinette shook her head. "I was serious about moving out of the city. There's something I've been wanting to tell you for a while, but I've been waiting for the right moment. I think that moment is now. Gar, I'm pregnant."

The deer-in-the-headlights look on Gar's face was comical, to say the least. Marinette giggled, "Well?"

Gar snapped back to reality, transforming into an elephant, trumpeting his joy. He turned back into himself and wrapped his arms around Marinette. "I'm so happy! This is the best news I could have ever heard, Buginette. Now we have to move. I want our kid to have a backyard and a dog and a big driveway where I can teach them how to ride a bike and a pond where they can swim in the summer-"

Marinette cut Gar off with a kiss. "One thing at a time," she giggled.

"I think this will be the best decision we have ever made," declared Gar.

Marinette agreed. "I think that partial retirement will be good for us."

----------

This was bliss. The feeling of grass under Marinette’s bare feet as she walked back to the house from the lake, hand in hand with Gar. The sound of their daughter's laughter as she danced around them, catching fireflies. The taste of homemade apple pie and vanilla ice cream, eaten rebelliously early as Gar proclaimed, "Dessert before dinner!" The sight of the stars up above them, no light pollution to mask the beauty of the heavens. The sound of Gar's voice, whispering, "I love you, Buginette," into Marinette's ear. And as Marinette settled into her husband's arms, she knew for certain that retirement was the best decision she had ever made.

@maribatmarch-2k21

#maribat #garfield logan #marinette dupain-cheng #garmari #MaribatMarch2021 #miraculous ladybug fic #my work

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romanticchemacademic · 3 years ago

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Dear future health professionals and stem professors,

We need a revolution of thought. Only through a renaissance of pure and genuine passion towards medicine and other sciences will we have competent doctors, nurses, other healthcare workers, and teachers. We live in a world where people pursue noble professions for the sake of social and economic advancement. However, we lack individuals who love the process of learning and their career.

I recollect quite a marvelous excerpt written by one of the world’s greatest scientific minds, Albert Einstein. In his book, The World As I see It he writes:

ACADEMIC CHAIRS ARE MANY, but wise and noble teachers are few; lecture rooms are numerous and large, but the number of young people who genuinely thirst for truth and justice is small. Nature scatters her common wares with a lavish hand, but the choice sort she produces but seldom.

We all know that, so why complain? Was it not ever thus and will it not ever thus remain? Certainly, and one must take what nature gives as one finds it. But there is also such a thing as a spirit of the times, an attitude of mind characteristic of a particular generation, which is passed on from individual to individual and gives a society its particular tone. Each of us has to do his little bit towards transforming this spirit of the times.

Compare the spirit which animated the youth in our universities a hundred years ago with that prevailing today. They had faith in the amelioration of human society, respect for every honest opinion, the tolerance for which our classics had lived and fought.

I believe that one of the faults lies within education institutions. Educators rely on testing, textbooks, and detached memorized lectures. Lectures lack passion and another essential factor: the real practice. The theory is important but the practice is necessary to understand the theory. But without passion, nobody will learn to love the material being taught. Ibn Sina is known for being one of the greatest physicians and teachers of Islamic medicine. I am not completely sure whether what I am about to mention is true. But I read that when he lectured theory to the medical students at the Madrassa (University) he would show them how it worked. Besides medical history and theory. He also taught physics, astronomy, philosophy, and mathematics. However, he is also famed for being an excellent teacher duly because he would take his students to test out the theories and practice what they have been taught. If they were learning medical theory, they were taken to the hospital to observe patients and their cases. If they were learning astronomy, they would all gather in the evening to look up at the heavens to look at the constellations. Lastly, his passion for his vocation was the final touch. Educators without the drive cannot teach. Learning is about understanding oneself, others, and the world. Learning evolves our minds and our spirits by making us get in harmony with the universe. I believe this ties in with Aristotle’s famous saying, “The unexamined life is not worth living”. Though my interpretation may be a wee bit off, I translate it as thus; we can gather all textbook knowledge as possible but if we do not put into practice the knowledge learned, what is the point? I yearn and I pine to experience all that I have learned. I want to see why the theory makes sense in reality. I want to conduct experiments. So much potential is being wasted. Biology is the study of life. However, when I took the course, it was so cold to a point that it did not even feel like I was studying the human body but something alien instead. There is also such a rush to memorize material within a couple of weeks because of exams that the material ceases to be interesting and becomes more of an arduous chore instead. Our sense of time-shifted completely after the industrial revolution. Perhaps this is a reason why we feel the need to rush through everything and not take our time to study profoundly.

We need another Scientific Revolution, curious minds thirsting for the acquisition of knowledge and unanswered questions. However, I believe that the leading force behind this is a necessity. I would like to mention an example to illustrate what I mean from a novel I read a while ago called, The Physician by Noah Gordon. A boy from Medieval Europe lost his mother from an unknown disease leaving him orphaned. He then grew up with the necessity to learn what the disease was and how to prevent other similar deaths, so that others do not suffer what he has suffered. He then worked with Barbers (people who performed medical procedures in Medieval Europe). But the medical knowledge these professionals had was not enough to answer his question. Thus, he traveled to Persia where there was a quite renowned and exclusive medical school. He did not have the economic means or previous schooling to attend but he impressed the headmaster with his passion and knowledge. Thus, the headmaster admitted him into the Madrassa. The European boy then invested all his time doing research, dissections and treating patients until he finally found out what ailment caused his mother’s death, side sickness (appendicitis). He figured out a way to treat this illness, removal of the appendix. From his initial necessity which was the driving force for him to pursue a medical career, he became a famous physician and felt that all his suffering and odyssey were worthwhile. The sense of necessity leads to the feeling of passion. It was his love for his mother that made him follow such a journey full of obstacles. I am beginning to apply that to my own life. I want to figure out my necessity which will be the driving force to power through university and medical school without ever feeling burnt out. I want to feel fulfilled. I believe this is what all pre-medical students and teachers should think about. What is your necessity? We are going to be dealing with human life, someone’s mother, father, friend, sister, uncle, lover, husband, or child...It is not something to be taken lightly. I know so many doctors lacking empathy because they went into the medical field with just the intention of being acknowledged as “Doctors” and getting rich. But I feel that even the most apathetic healthcare workers can become great empathetic professionals the moment they realize that something was triggered deep inside them, perhaps a loved one having an unknown disease. This would lead the apathetic doctor to do mass amounts of research to try to find a cure. This feeling becomes a necessity. A necessity to not lose the loved one. A necessity to save lives. Thus, finding passion, purpose, and becoming a better person. Though each person is different, we all share a selfish feeling. Most of the time we do not truly care about other peoples’ suffering until it happens to us. Once we are affected by something, we drive all our time and attention to find a solution or a way to deal with a problem. We become consumed and completely obsessed by it. I regard this as passion. I do not think passion subsides, it lingers on inside us. It is a fire that never burns out. I remember my high school teacher writing in my yearbook:

Remember a few things, BE PATIENT. You are eager and you will accomplish so much. But take your time, you are always rushing. Life is a journey, it is not about the destination. Be picky. You love everything with enthusiasm but enthusiasm can burn out. Find a fire inside yourself that burns for a long time.

-V

We cannot rush our personal legend. I believe it comes to us. It is Maktub (it’s written). But we also have to do something. Imagine you are on a stranded island but you have a machete, a fishing rod, coconuts, a cave for shelter, wood for a fire, an ocean full of fish. Everything required for survival is there, but you simply have to cut open the coconut with the machete, go fishing for food, fire to cook, and warmth. The fish isn’t going to swim right into your hands and the fire will not light itself. We must use our resources and do our bit. The Universe has a lot going on, we must help out a bit.

If you ever think about quitting, try to remember what made you start your odyssey in the first place. I do not know what my necessity is yet but that is okay. I believe it will come to me eventually. So for now, I simply love to romanticize academia. I like to imagine the: earthy tones of the universities archways, cobblestone paths, laboratories with clean Erlenmeyer flasks, beakers, pristine white lab coats, bunsen burner flames changing colors as different salts are added, Bromothymol Blue pen stains, elegant calculations inside a worn leather-bound notebook, formulas scrawled over the blackboard, forgotten cold Irish breakfast tea on the desk, academics discussing theories, applause from a successful experiment, gray rainy days spent inside the lab, Whitman, Hemingway, et Sir Arthur Conon Doyle being read during break, intellectual conversations with professors, chemistry reports being written, molecular models built, volumes of ancient words, fire slowly burning in the stone fireplace, trying to understand, looking at the constellations on a clear night in the astronomy tower, reciting poetry, Tchaikovsky playing whilst completing a long lab report on Lê Chatelier’s theory of Equilibrium, curious minds, sleepless evenings in the library, beautiful anatomical illustrations...Just imagining these things motivate and inspire me to continue my path. Though it may seem superficial, it awakens something inside me. I yearn and I pine to become a Chemistry Romantic.

I want to conclude this letter by saying that pupils and educators keep ideals alive and can change them accordingly as well. We have the power to become excellent professionals or simply exist and do nothing for the human race. But if you plan on becoming a physician or educator, you must find the trigger which brings your passion to life, your necessity. Once you find that, you are guaranteed greatness and fulfillment. However, do not rush. Perfection takes time. A couple of obstacles should not hinder you from persevering. Many will tell you to give up but do not. That is the Universe testing you. Do your best until you master the topic. Once you know better, you are then able to do better.

Regards,

Confessions from a Chemistry Academic

#stem dark academia #dark academia #academia #stem #philosophy #academic universitylife #unilife #chemistry #medicine

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sirowsky · 4 years ago

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The Flowers Always Know

Description: When a mad scientist uses you as an experiment while you’re on holiday, the Heroics only just manage to save you. And in your recovery you become very close to the leader of the group. (Slow burn)

Warnings: Language, little angst.

Link to Masterlist

Comment: A lot happens in this chapter, and we finally get some real sparks going. Also, Máma Moreno starts butting in.

Chapter 5

Three months later, you were not only back on your feet, but running. You’d never really been a runner before, but now it seemed like such a freedom, you could barely get enough of it. You’d lost a lot of weight during your coma, and you were scrawny to begin with, so the nutritionist had not been happy when you’d started requesting more physical activity. But after making a solemn vow to eat as much as he asked, he’d finally agreed. And you had both been surprised to discover that you had gained weight even quicker as your body converted the fuel into muscles. You were actually heavier now than you ever had been, and you were genuinely proud of that, because you knew it meant that you were not only strong again, but stronger than before. It felt like a visible testament to your victory over evil. Plus – you looked good. You’d even gotten the colour and natural volume back in your hair.

You were still living at the Heroics HQ medical facility, and you were still being tested to the nines every single day, but you didn’t mind. Everyone here were nice to you, and it wasn’t like you were in a cage, you went outside every day. They just didn’t like you to wander off too far, since you hadn’t been discharged yet, which meant you were still their responsibility. You’d been pleasantly surprised to find out that they had taken care of all your bills and payments while you were in a coma and the subsequent rehabilitation, so your house was still very much in order for whenever you’d be heading back there.

Marcus had been instrumental in your recovery. As soon as they discovered that his electromagnetic currents helped you, the science-department had temporarily melded with the medical department to figure out why that was, and what was the optimal way of utilising this fortuitus abnormality. Luckily for you, that had meant many long hours spent with Marcus by your side as he carefully experimented with stimulating your muscles into cooperating with you. It hadn’t been nearly as sexy as it sounded, but it did offer you plenty of time to talk to each other, and you knew a lot more about him now. Or, at least a lot more about Missy. The proud dad had quickly emerged once he got more comfortable with you. Curiously, though, no one had been able to work out just how his current had such a positive influence on your body. They thought that it might have to do with some sort of harmonisation between the tiny electrical impulses in your nerves and the frequency of his current, but they couldn’t say for sure, because so far, all of their tests had been inconclusive.

Today was going to be a special day for you, in terms of the testing, because they wanted to do a full-scale physical exam, complete with endurance- and strength-tests, something you’d actually been looking forward to. You were excited to find out if you were getting close to getting that clean-bill-of-health stamp any time soon. The tests themselves were gruelling. They involved running pretty much as fast as you could, in short intervals, but in the break between each interval you had to do a strength exercise. Weight-lifting, or working with kettle-bells, or just regular push-ups, there were lots of different ones. After that, you were given an hour to rest, before you were going to be put through an obstacle course to check your agility and reflexes, and it was at this point that Marcus joined the small crowd of maybe thirty people, that had gathered to find out how you’d do. And you were slightly concerned to see him exchange a look with his mother, the almighty Anita Moreno, at the back of that crowd. What could she possibly want to see this for? He was in his uniform again, and looked winded, as though he’d hurried to get there in time to see this. He met your eyes and gave you an encouraging nod. You’d been told that this course was one that the Heroics regularly used for training, and that they’d scaled it down a bit for you, but that the aim was still to test your physique quite rigorously, so it wouldn’t be easy. You took your place on the start-line, and waited for the whistle. It really was a tough course. You had to use your whole body to get past practically every single obstacle, and by the end, you were so tired that you collapsed the moment you crossed the finish-line, to the enthusiastic applause of the little crowd. The twins were by your side immediately, taking your vitals to make sure that you were only normally tired, not dangerous-tired. They’d been with you the whole day, and this was the final hurdle before you’d all get to rest. They’d both been sweating almost as much as you, just from worrying about you.

“All good. She’s okay.”

Amaire declared to the supervising physician. He, in turn, looked at his digital pad and tapped a few times, then a smile crept into his features.

“Well, it’s not a course-record, but considering the fact that most humans don’t even finish this course on their first try, I think we can give you your stamp now.”

You sat up and stared wide-eyed at him, while Amaire shoved a water-bottle into your hand and all but pushed it into your mouth.

“I’m officially declaring you completely recovered, and no longer in need of our medical assistance. Congratulations, miss. You really are a miracle.”

Joy bubbled up inside you as you took in his words. You’d made it. You’d actually made it. There was a light-hearted laughter in your throat as you worked on getting your pulse under control.

“Don’t let Miracle Guy hear you say that, Doc, whatever you do.”

“Hah, I’ll keep that in mind.”

Then Marcus was suddenly right in front of you, pulling you to your feet and into a tight hug in one fluid movement. He’d never hugged you before, and you wished that he hadn’t done it now when you were soaking his uniform in your sweat. But, holy crap, his arms felt good around you.

“Felicidades, preciosa! I knew you’d be ready. How do you feel?”

“Thank you, Marcus, I feel amazing. Like I wanna sleep for a week, but still amazing.”

Reluctantly, you pulled back to look at him. As wonderful as it was to be encircled by those arms, you wanted him to see your eyes when you spoke again.

“Really, thank you. I don’t know if I could have recovered this well without you, or if I would’ve even been able to wake my body up, ever again. I was trapped in the most impossible position imaginable, and you set me free. I’ve never thanked you for that. I don’t know how I could ever thank you enough.”

He seemed slightly embarrassed by your gratitude, and his eyes seemed a bit glossier as he pulled you back into his arms and held you even tighter.

“You have no idea what it means to me to see you like this. Strong and healthy and happy. I’ll never forget those eyes that stared up at me that day in the hospital, and I spent every day after that feeling helpless and useless every time I walked into your med-chamber. You don’t owe me a damned thing, hermosa. The fact that I get to see those eyes smile again, is more than I could ever ask for.”

Someone clearing their throat very loudly and deliberately, made you automatically pull away from one another. And then you nearly choked on your own saliva when you realised that it was his mother.

“Hey, mom. I was wondering what brought you here today.”

“Aren’t you gonna introduce me, hijo? Didn’t I raise you to be polite?”

“It’s polite not to sneak up on people, deliberately trying to make them uncomfortable, máma. She doesn’t need your dramatics today.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the two of them. You were never close with your own family, so it always warmed your heart to see people who were. And he’d spoken about his mother during your long conversations in the med-chamber, so you knew that they were extremely close, which was why they could argue quite heatedly without ever getting truly angry with one another.

“That’s okay. A little drama can be very entertaining.”

You looked from Marcus to his mother, and then introduced yourself, with a respectful nod, rather than offering your still sweat-soaked hand. She gave her son a sideways glance.

“Don’t you have some work to attend to, boy?”

“Are you serious?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“Do I look like I’m about to leave you alone with a woman that has no idea just how horrid you can be?”

“When have I ever been horrid?!”

“Oh, would you like me the count it out for you? Or would the word ‘ambassador’ suffice?”

“That was just a misunderstanding, and that boy was beyond over-sensitive.”

“He was a war-veteran and you deliberately pushed all of those buttons, until he crashed, just to make a fucking point.”

“Hey, mind your language.”

“Not even a little bit. Now, whatever you want with my friend, you can either start talking, or you can go away.”

You didn’t miss the slightly possessive edge to the way he said ‘my friend’, and you were a tad concerned at just how much you liked it. His mother scoffed and then turned on her heels and walked away.

“Sorry about that. She’s… tricky.”

“I wouldn’t have minded speaking with her, you know.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t, but you don’t know her. She’s never once asked about you, even with all the time I’ve spent in the med-section. Never wanted to know how you were doing or even anything about you. So, the fact that she’s approaching you now, when you’ve just been cleared, means she’s up to something.”

“Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t touched by your willingness to protect me from monster Máma.”

He got a sheepish expression on his face and bowed his head to look at his own shoes.

“I’d happily protect you from anyone.”

“Thank you. I’ll remember that if I’m ever in trouble again.”

He looked up at you, and for a moment his face was pained, before he quickly tried to adapt a more neutral expression. It didn’t quite work.

“So… you’re leaving then?”

“Well… I doubt they’ll just let me stay, rent free. Not to mention take up a med-chamber that someone else will undoubtedly need at some point. And I do miss my house, not to mention the cleaning I’m in for. God, I wonder if any of my plants made it? Is it weird that I’m looking forward to cleaning? And cooking, holy crap, do I miss cooking, and sun-bathing in the garden with my favourite music, and curling up on the sofa…”

He smiled a kind of knowing smile, though, it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Oh, I’m rambling now, aren’t I?”

“A bit. But I get it. Home is… home. I’m glad you get to go back to yours.”

“Me too. Um… so, I’m sure there’s a bunch of paper-work I’ll have to sign and I most definitely need a long shower and a lot of soap before I go anywhere. But I’d love to see you before I leave.”

“Sure. I’ll most likely be in the control room, or my office. Just ask around.”

“Okay.”

Authors’ Note: I love criticism, don’t be shy to let me know if there’s anything you like/don’t like/have questions about.

@blueeyesatnight

#marcus moreno #marcus moreno x reader #marcus moreno fic #we can be heroes #we can be heroes fic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters

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tailorvizsla · 4 years ago

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You didn't think I wouldn't ask for some Boba Fett though now did you? (Of course not, he is the new shiny for me iuwhei) ✨ HC Of my Choice... What about having your first kiss with Boba and he doesn't #know it is your first one till part-way through or after? Am I projecting? Yes, yes I am.

Title: HC – Boba Fett and First Kiss Pairing: Gender neutral Reader x Boba Fett Word Count: ~1700 Rating: PG-13 Warnings: Boba Fett is a grumpy bastard, but you hold your own against him. Boba also gets injured, but there aren’t any graphic descriptions of the injuries. Author’s Notes: Okay, my Angle, I’ve been thinking about this one for as long as it’s been sitting in my inbox. I’m not familiar with Boba Fett’s character, so I wanted to make sure this was good for you. So, without further ado, here we go with the Big Green Grumpy Jerk who has somehow inexplicably charmed his way into my heart with a few gruff comments.

Tagging @princessbatears because chaos? :>

📚 My Master List 📚

Boba Fett isn’t a man of many words. It’s not that he’s shy or anything – he just doesn’t like talking to people beyond what is necessary. He has worked alone his entire life, so the sound of others’ voices just sort of grates on him. He especially does not like being crowded by people.

So, one day, while doing his thing, he ends up injured. It’s not even due to combat. His jetpack just…sputters out. His beskar’gam turns what should have been a fatal fall into a very painful one. He knows he has broken a lot of bones, but Boba refuses to die like this. He crawls his way back to his bike, calls for medical aid, and prays to the Maker that someone in town will come help him.

You are the only person who does come to help him. Most other people are too afraid of the Imperial remnants to work with a Mandalorian. Others are too afraid of Mandalorians to work with a Mandalorian. You? You are not afraid of much. He is not sure if you are brave or stupid. After splinting the worst of the damage, you get him onto the bike and get him back into town. It is at this point that Boba finds himself leaning toward thinking you are stupidly caring and trusting.

You inject him with bacta – the good kind that makes him giggly, sleepy, and numb – and get to work. When he wakes up, he’s wrapped in an annoying number of casts and splints, but at least he’s still alive. However, you then give him the bad news: the fall has damaged many of the delicate nerves in his back. If he fails to undergo physical therapy, there is a real chance he may never walk again. He’s no medical expert, but when he looks at the scans you took, he knows you aren’t lying.

So, Boba resigns himself to having to deal with you on a regular basis. The first physical therapy exercises are simple, yet they exhaust him to the point where he just passes out. As the days go by, he starts putting up the walls to keep you out. (Spoiler alert: you manage to find your way through the cracks in the wall, annoying him with barely any effort on your behalf.)

Now, under ideal circumstances, this shitshow would end with Boba Fett getting back on his feet, paying you handsomely for the amount of time you have spent getting him put together, and going back to bounty hunting, never to think of you again. But of course, the universe throws an even bigger wrench into his carefully thought-out plans. Someone finds out that you’re taking care of him and a whole bunch of angry townspeople converge on your little clinic. He grabs you and the two of you run. The last thing you see is your clinic going up in flames. (Boba can’t believe the shortsightedness of these people – they’ve driven off their only competent medical professional. What are they going to do next? Kill their only competent mechanic? Di’kute, every last one of them.)

And so, the two of you go off on a merry adventure, annoying the absolute shit out of each other on a regular basis. Boba especially is concerned at how easily you have managed to find every single weak point in his defenses – physical, mental, and emotional. You are a fair shot with your blaster, so when he got fresh with you that one time, telling you that your ass looked downright edible in the trousers you had borrowed from him, you drew your blaster and fired a shot off at his feet. He laughed so hard his bucket nearly fell off. (You are not sure if you are disturbed that he finds being shot at amusing. He does scold you a bit, but you do notice that he does not talk about your ass anymore.)

With your knife? You’re lethal, and he learns that the hard way when he fails to announce his presence behind you. One moment Boba is reaching to touch your shoulder and the next moment, he’s got your elbow in his face and your penknife embedded in his flak vest. Fortunately, the blade’s too short to cause serious damage, but he does not let you forget that you kriffing stabbed him when he was only trying to ask you what you wanted for dinner.

Even though Boba would rather cover himself in tiingilar sauce and crawl back into the sarlacc pit headfirst than ever admit it, the two of you make a damn good team. He goes off to hunt bounties, you stay in town to provide your medical services for a fair fee. Sometimes, when your services are not needed, you’ll hang back at the ship and do some basic accounting to keep him within his budget.

Boba grumbles when you ask to accompany him on a hunt, but he figures you really do need to learn how to defend yourself if anything should happen to him. When the two of you were surrounded by goons, you naturally fell into place behind him, your back to his, covering his shebs while he provides the heavy firepower. When the numbers are thinned to something more manageable, he sets you loose on them, letting you practice your knife skills. And by the Maker, he is impressed with how much you have improved since the last time you stabbed him.

Between hunts, you get his shebs back into fighting shape. Hell, he thinks he’s even better than he was before. The exercises you insist on forcing on him have made him more flexible than he was before, and his bones no longer creak first thing in the morning. One particularly hot, muggy day, you try to make him drink that vile green vegetable concoction you call a smoothie. Smooth his shebs, there are chunks in that liquefied animal feed. Sometimes he wonders if you’re trying to kill him on purpose.

(You don’t know this, but Boba has already arranged for everything in his possession, ships and banking accounts included, to be transferred to you in the event of his death. Hell, he has even started negotiating with a friendly Tribe to make sure you have a home to go to and your pick of their warriors for marriage, should you be interested. Boba justifies it this way: the last time his jetpack mutinied, he ended up several hundred thousand credits in debt to you by his estimation. By ensuring you have a safe place to go, and a family ready to welcome you, he can offset the immeasurable debt he owes you. It hurts to think of this, but Boba genuinely cannot bear the thought of you being alone in this cruel galaxy, the same way he had been when he was a child. So, if he ever does piss you off to the point where you off him in his sleep, you’ll be fine.)

You keep pushing and pushing, insisting that he needs B-vitamins or some other bantha-shit he’s sure you’ve made up for the sole purpose of annoying him. When you start going on about macronutrients and essential vitamins, Boba loses it. He tosses his cutlery down and goes stomping off toward the cockpit. You follow him, blathering on and on about the last blood panel you had pulled – HDLs, LDLs, and a whole slew of acronyms later, he loses it. Rather than snap at you, he shuts you up the only way his poor sleep-deprived brain can come up with.

Boba pushes you up against the wall, gently to avoid hurting you. You don’t seem at all phased. In fact, you start waving the paper at him as you try to draw his attention to his sodium levels. Boba leans in and presses his lips to yours. You finally stop talking, your entire body going stiff in response. He takes a moment to nibble along your lower lip before parting your lips with his, tongue probing a bit deeper in, and you still aren’t responding. Boba draws back and stares down at you. You’re wide-eyed and clearly in shock.

He leans in again. This time you respond clumsily, your hands clutching at that stupid piece of paper. He gently wrestles it out of your grasp and crumples it up. Then he tosses it over his shoulder, not caring where it lands. He cups the back of your head and deepens the kiss. Still, you’re not responding the way he wants, so he draws back.

“What, never been kissed before?” he asks.

Before he can say anything else, he realizes that that was your first kiss. While Boba has never wanted to be anyone’s First Anything, he realizes that he wants to make an exception for you. There’s no one in this entire galaxy who can annoy the shit out of him in one breath and then worry about his health in the next. You are his little baar’ur. After you have wormed your way under his plating and so selfishly made yourself a fixture in his life without his permission? Oh, no, no, you are not going anywhere.

He cuts off your stammering with another kiss. He takes this one slow, moving your hands to where he wants you to touch him – one at his nape, the other at the small of his back, right over that spot that makes his knees weak.

This time, you respond. Slowly, hesitantly, but as you grow more confident, your hands begin to stray. You worm your fingers up the back of his shirt and dig your nails into the sensitive skin there, making him gasp in pleasure. Then you dig your fingers into his long hair and tug lightly, earning a low growl from him. You freeze and stare up at him with wide eyes until he leans back in.

Fortunately, your big smart science brain learns his likes and dislikes very quickly. When he finally pulls away, he finds that he really likes what he sees – your shirt’s rumpled, your hair is sticking up, and your lips are red and swollen from his kisses. Then and there, he makes a vow to make sure you always look like a mess.

(Spoiler alert: quite a few more of your firsts happen right here in the cockpit.)

#star wars #boba fett #boba fett x reader #boba fett x gender neutral reader #boba fett x you #first kisses #implications about first times #asks #my angle is so good to me #i love this grumpy green butthole already

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saudade-mayari · 3 years ago

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Luna!! 1st year Pharmacy major here too care for some tips? and is it a good decision as a premed course? Please ignore if you don’t want to answer totally okay! I wanna be your 💊anon too

hello hello 💊anon and im so sorry i didn’t answer before bcoz work is killing me ksksksks. but... first off, go go future pharmacist!

as a graduate in pharma major... i tried not to be biased HAHAHAHAHAHA n e ways it’s all under the cut 💙👏🏻

—as i said before, no premed program is perfect. however, premed programs are great for application in med school.

—in our country, bs pharmacy is an underrated program let alone, an underrated job as well. that’s why i went to med school because pharmacists are treated here as “seller of medicines” no more no less

—your ace will be pharmacology, biochemistry and laboratory medicine. this is one of pharmacy’s core subject when you enter med school.

—short story: because of my knowledge in pharma i aced the mock physician licensure exam because i was able to easily provide an optimal management of medication for various chronic diseases.

—know your body clock :) as a college student in general your body clock is important. you are seriously going to fail if you don’t study ahead of time.

—ask questions. you are a freshie, taking side notes from your upperclassmen and professionals is a HUGE help. asking questions will help you avoid mishaps and blunders.

—try not be too much of a shy person. as a first year, allow your social network to balloon. it’s natural to welcome unfamiliar faces and unknown names, it’ll boost your confidence, your study peers and most importantly, it will immerse in relevant causes too.

—your study approach. it’s okay if you prefer to study alone or with peers. DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU AT PEAK CONCENTRATION.

—reinvent yourself :) not just in pharmacy but college in general is a perfect opportunity to make a positive change in your life. it’s a stepping stone to set your goals

—NOTE TAKING SYSTEM. i highly suggest you write notes especially when it’s not in the powerpoint then rewrite everything after. if possible, don’t look at your books while you rewrite because that way it’ll help you memorize.

—feel free to have color coding on your notes too. (eg. Yellow is for important keywords, pink is for other terms, orange is for examples, green is for main terms and such)

—device your own mnemonic. that plays an important role whenever you review. it’ll help you ace your quiz and exam

—USE ALL RESOURCES AVAILABLE. I mean use them at maximum! be it the library or the research center. seek additional help in those resources to mend with your weak links.

—loosen up and get drunk LOOL HAHAHAAHAHA

for pharmacy related....

—first year is the EASIEST. that’s it😂 the moment you pass through pharmaceutical inorg and org chem you’re gonna miss them because they’re the easiest ones.

—Pharmacy is not just science. I swear to god it has damned lots of MATH.

—the start of your struggle is when you meet the hailed Pharmacology 1 and Pharmaceutical Analysis

—i highly recommend to buy jenkin’s, pharmacognosy and clinical pharmacology book. that book is literally A BIBLE for us😂 even until now i use my pharmacology book. #myholytrinity

—jenkin’s would help you in pharmaceutical analysis 1 and 2 (quality control 1 and 2), pharmaceutical calculations, physical pharmacy, biopharmaceutics and pharmacokinetics. those are your pharma subjects that is filled with math... and jenkin’s has lots of sample problems to help you practice. that book is my savior since i am bad at math.

—if you plan to work on industrial pharmacy and manufacturing pharmacy setting, be sure you ace your pharmaceutical analysis 1 and 2 because it’s a foundation of what pharmacists should do in manufacturing.

—pharmaceutical calculation and physical pharmacy. this is one of the foundations of a future pharmacist. this will help you on the conversions and computations that we generally do on community, clinical and hospital pharmacy setting.

—pharmacology 1 and 2 is hard in a sense that you never see the answers in the BOOK. pharmacology is a subject where you will analyze every drug receptors and MOA. the pharmacology book will help you practice moreeee case study problems and that shit is the secret on how to pass pharmacology. be ready to test albino rats and rabbits. this subj is my personal fav. pro tip here is MASTER PHARMACODYNAMICS, KINETICS AND DRUG RECEPTORS. just know that shit and moa of drugs will be easy for you.

—pharmacognosy. that motherfucker is ten times harder than pharmaceutical botany. so the book holds a great help when you need to memorize tons of scientific name and their uses. this is one of the most interesting subj, we get to do wine and let the freshies taste it coz we’re afraid to taste our own work puhahahaha. tip here is to memorize ONE AT A TIME. master one section first before you move to another. it will avoid confusions.

—dosage forms and pharmaceutics, compounding and dispensing. these subjects will help you practice application as a pharmacist. we are best at patient counseling so if you want to pass dispensing, do not be shy to do patient counseling with your friends😂👏🏻 that way you’ll be more comfortable when you do your counseling exercise.

—microbiology and pharmaceutical toxicology. just be sure not to fuck up the laboratory exercise or you’ll be scolded real bad😂 or not to contaminate streak plates and culture😂 another interesting subj.

—in regards to pharmaceutical chemistry like inorg and org, pharmaceutical biochem, pharma medicine org and pharma medicine laboratory. the technique is continue studying. continue reading. practice with lots of structures and be sure you still remember your org chemistry because it’s a foundation to other chem related subjects.

—HAVE FUN HAHAHA. as paracelsus said, the dose makes the motherfucking poison so... don’t tense up too much on your program and poison urself.

—Don’t pressure yourself but be competitive. Always surpass your other achievement but don’t burden yourself too much. I get drunk and go to school for an exam... i did that even when i was in med school and i am doing fine and well :)

rome is not built in a day. you are where you are right now because of all the opportunities you shaped in pharmacy. get that three letters soon! 💙✨

#ask.luna #luna.personal

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the-velveteen-victorian · 3 years ago

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Hi Elle! I used to follow you on your old mega-popular tumblr. I really love your new one. :) I know that you've lived in a "super spiritual" community for several years now (not sure if you want me to publicly say the place). What is the community like? Is it more bad than good? What are some strengths and weaknesses of the place/people? Thank you! I've heard mixed things and really respect your insights.

Haha I knew I would get this question one day! If I could title my response, it would be, "Why I've Chosen to Keep My Distance from the New Age Community in the American Southwest." I info-dump and write novels, so get ready! =)

I think there is something to be said for defining things neutrally for yourself overall. Fortunately, I've been able to easily do that in this instance due to: 1. Being introverted and not "needing" a big community experience and 2. Having wonderful friends all over the globe that I am able to interact with all throughout my year. With that being said, if I am being 100% honest and real with you, I truly believe that the new age community where I am is more toxic than good. Here is why. I will have a positive note at the end.

A quick preface: I am not calling out any particular individual(s) and will not be naming names.... quite frankly, there are just too many and I'm not here to humiliate people. Secondly, these traits can take place in ANY community, spiritual or otherwise. But these are things that I feel a spiritual community should be more self-aware of... and sadly right now, they are not.

********ATTENTION: There is a big content and trigger warning here: There will be mentions of sui****, sexual *******, and gaslighting/narcissism, terfs, eating disorders, and other things that could be very upsetting. Proceed with caution and stop reading if you find yourself getting stressed, triggered, or deeply upset.*********

1. Malignant narcissism and community insulation from constructive criticism. I have never seen such a ubiquitous display of malignant narcissism in all my life in a collective, save for some conservative Christian environments in my growing up years. Go onto almost any youtube channel for the Sedona community and you will see very few negative comments… why? (And I have watched this for a long time) Almost ANY criticism of anyone’s channel or blog is instantly removed. There was a time when people who simply noted that some of these small “influencers” were saying toxic things were sent cease and desist letters. The community is very tight knit and displays many marks of a cult. One of these indicators is that they all protect each other and hype each other up on their channels and blogs, while labeling ANY criticism (healthy or not) as someone who is being “triggered.” The younger part of the community cares about looking perfect and having everyone worship them, but has very little spiritual substance. It’s always about who did the alien thing “before it was cool” or “who can do a backflip off of a steep cliff without breaking their neck because their synchronicity is on point.” One youtuber said once that she only wanted to hang out with “pretty” people because they were purer expressions of the divine. The older generation expresses narcissism by assuming they know more than everyone else. Good luck having a conversation on controversial topics with any of them. They are right, you are wrong. If you argue, you are “triggered” and “seeking for truth.” If you don't believe that there are reptilians on the moon with a secret base, you've drunk the kool-aid. Not a good environment to foster open sharing and knowledge. The men have a particular problem with this when it comes to topics of sex and intimacy. If you are a woman and don’t want to “surrender” to your partner (in a lot of vague and unclear ways), you are out of alignment with the divine feminine. Most of the men believe that they should be allowed to "hunt" (look for sexual partners/spiritual twin flames) and that women should do everything in their power to be softly feminine so that they can sync up and recognize each other's souls.

2. A full denial of science and medicine. Look, I get it. We all want to solve our own medical dilemmas and use herbs to cure all ills. I try to solve any (non life threatening) health issues I have the “natural” way first too… often, I have great success! The problem comes when the community rejects all western medicine, most science (that doesn’t affirm their beliefs) and any medical opinion that has… actually been to a real medical school. There is a strong anti-vaccination movement coupled with the belief in using yoni eggs religiously and doing colonics every week (though science tells us this isn’t a great idea overall). I used a different type of yoni egg for awhile to see what would happen, but trust me, your pelvic health is going to be better without them. You will be judged harshly for going to a “mainstream” doctor to get antibiotics for a serious infection and will most likely be gaslit into oblivion regarding “what you did to attract” your infection etc.

I have midwifed for many years now and have extensive “mainstream” training to be able to do this legally. Once, I was working with another midwife on a mother who was having her first baby. The laboring woman had an ideal birth in mind like most people do. Long story short, I discerned while she was laboring that the baby was in intense distress and that the mother was displaying very concerning signs of a life-threatening condition. When I insisted on calling an ambulance and getting the woman to the hospital, the other midwife said that I was interfering with nature. I explained simply that if we didn’t get said woman to a hospital, the baby would most certainly die and the mother’s life would hang in the balance. Her response was that: “Some babies don’t deserve to live and I shouldn’t invite karma by interfering with nature’s course.” I called an ambulance anyway and the mother was taken for an emergency c-section. The mother was very disappointed about not being able to follow her birth plan. However, after the birth (she and baby ended up being okay thank goodness) she sat down with me personally and thanked me for making the decision I did. She said that one of the doctors explained that if I had waited another hour, both she and the baby would be dead. Apparently, this other “midwife” had also had her license revoked a year before for endangering a different laboring person and child. This sounds like a stand-alone freak incident, but I can cite 15-20 other situations just like this one where life-threatening emergencies were viewed as opportunities for good karma and growth… and that western medical intervention would invite bad karma.

Regarding science, if you point to the fact that jade yoni eggs are likely to cause an infection, most of the new age community will scoff and say that they don’t trust science (the logic being that science once explained volcanos as angry gods or something and now cannot be trusted overall). If you don't wear blue-blocking glasses anytime you look at a screen, apparently you've already succumbed to mind control. You get my point… It’s so bad that the new age community is willing to endanger people’s lives and place the blame on the victims for being out of alignment with synchronicity. This one bullet point could be talked about for hours.

3. A lack of discernment and victim blaming. Many have heard about Bentinho Massaro and his crew from that time when they swept through Sedona a couple years ago. The core of the Sedona community started blindly following him… some of them wanted to boost their online platforms by being associated with a well-known figure. Others wanted a guru… and others were just curious and got sucked in by his charisma. All one had to do was google him. He has allegations of physically beating his followers, gaslighting people, torturing animals in his childhood, and ignoring the fact that an alarming number of his followers commit suicide. With all of this knowledge at our fingertips, the popular new age “influencers” went so far as to get in polyamorous relationships with him, validate his platform, and gaslight people who, sadly, committed sui**** because of certain things he said in his teachings. It was insane. Now, many of the people who followed him try to pretend it never happened or that they had no part in it. Many of them claim to have “gifts of the spirit” and to have stellar discernment.

One of the people who got into a polyamorous relationship with this person did an Instagram post where she basically said that if someone is being r*ped they should show their attacker love and surrender to what is happening so that they could experience unconditional love and come back to the "light." I honestly couldn’t believe what I was reading at first when I saw it. The part that was heartbreaking was when I read the comments and watched people (not just women and men) berate themselves for “fighting” while something terrible happened to them in the past. A few of them were teenagers. I made it a point to personally message the ones I was able to, and thankfully, a good number did respond positively. This exact issue has occurred on youtube channels, blogs, and in-person encounters. I’m just citing ONE online instance of this horrible, misaligned belief. Keep in mind that the person who did this post abandoned her disabled child with a family she barely knew to pursue a sexual relationship with Bentinho.

4. TERFS/anti-LGBTQ/anti-feminism. This falls under the categories of relationships, sex, autonomy, and social issues, but expands into much more overall.

A chain of videos came out a couple years ago where about 5 women in the new age community each did a presentation on what was wrong with the “divine feminine” these days. They were saying that women had been erased because they were not conforming to gender roles or seeking out conscious relationships. They all referenced that “women are angry” and basically said it was wrong for women to feel this way and that angry female energy was throwing our whole environment out of balance and even contributing to global warming somehow. They empathized with toxic people/men/known violent incels and said that women needed to get over their traumas and be more available for the divine masculine to show up. They dehumanized women by saying they shouldn’t be expressing anger, glossed over sexual a******, and blocked everyone in the comments who took a stand against what they were saying. The general consensus is that feminists are just angry women who need to get over their trauma.

Many people in the new age community also believe that if you incarnate in a particular body with certain biological parts, you incarnated that way for a reason. Changing it extensively is to erase “the spiritual lessons you were supposed to learn.” Basically, they stand against trans people, nonbinary people, gender nonconforming people… etc. I can go deeper with this if you want, but that is the gist of it without writing a novel within a novel.

Most of them take an active stance against intersectional feminism and use exclusive language to shut out anyone who doesn’t conform to the binary. A few of them are more passive-aggressive about how they do this: refusing to show any support for the LGBTQUIA+ community or mention social issues at all, even when someone is pointing out that they did something hurtful or offensive.

5. Appropriating Indigenous cultures and using past lives as an excuse. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a white new age person say that something is their “spirit animal” or seen one wear Native American/indigenous headdresses to tight-knit community events, citing that they were “Native American” in their past life and that they are entitled to use these symbols, items, and cultural lexicons because of it. (Not that this is the main point… but they tell trans people that they shouldn’t be trans or insinuate that people should conform to the gender binary because they incarnated in a body type for a reason… but make an exception for themselves culturally? Super hypocritical.)

A couple of “woke” guys from the new age community walked around for awhile saying that the Hopi had adopted them into their “tribe” and that the were given Hopi names. I spoke to a few Hopi people about what was happening and they were shell-shocked. That is not something that they do for one thing, and for another, they had never even heard of these people! Thankfully, the behavior stopped after the two men were confronted about it, but this kind of thing happens all the time in various ways. There is a new age store here with a racial slur in the title… bring it up to the owner and she’ll kick you out and launch a smear campaign. Tell one of the white new age women that just because she studies “different traditions” doesn’t mean it’s okay to do rain dances or perform indigenous rituals (Native American, Australian, and others) without permission and they’ll blacklist you. I think many of the new agers operate within this Trojan horse of “I want to accept and validate all cultures”, but do not actually care at all about indigenous voices, feelings, or opinions. Many of them talked a lot about collective trauma in our nation during Black Lives Matter, but wouldn’t actively support it in any way themselves.

6. Let’s talk about mental health. This could go under the science and medicine label, but I think it deserves its own paragraph. Boy is mental health stigmatized in the new age Sedona community…. Real mental health professionals are painted as people who just want to “drug” you and keep you controlled. People with mental health struggles are instantly blamed. “Hell is just a state of mind, you need to change your mind,” is a phrase I have heard more often than not. Ancestral healing, umbilical healing, and random reiki sessions are somehow supposed to take the place of a licensed counselor.

A huge chunk of the “spiritual” community supported a pseudo-therapist who (without any scientific basis) was preaching that any woman who wasn’t sure if she wanted to have children or not by the age of 25 was toxic and needed to be ostracized because “something is wrong there.” A bunch of people believed it and re-posted/shared the teaching.

Another instance occurred where an unlicensed “hypnotherapist” without so much as a bachelor’s degree in anything was using questionable methods to hypnotize clients. During one session a person experienced a severe PTSD flashback and panic attack. She was not brought out of the hypnotherapy session properly or cared for. She ended up having a mental breakdown and having to spend time in the hospital. The charlatan who was treating her said that the client was willfully unresponsive to treatment and refused to confront her demons…

Anyone who is on anxiety medication, anti-depressants or anything else to support their well-being and mental health will be judged aggressively and most likely verbally confronted at some point if they are open about being on medication. The charlatans will throw essential oils into your space saying that they can cure anything. Others will try to get someone to talk to a new age leader in the “inner circle” and attempt to persuade the client that western therapists/psychologists just want to drug people and ignore the spiritual cause of unrest. They’ll cite earthing, crystals, vaginal wands, special teas, dietary habits, and color therapy as causes and answers to everything…. All while regarding victims of sui**** as unfortunate souls and lost causes etc.

7. A summary. I need to sum up other issues here quite quickly or I’ll be typing all day. XD Many of the women here are terrified of gaining weight or looking older. They hide behind the thinning veil of “health and veganism” to justify their worrisome habits to feel sexually appealing to supposedly “woke” men. Disordered eating and terror of eating one granule of processed sugar permeates the consciousness. You can be judged for anything from buying pokemon cards to eating legumes…. of all things. Most of the men are sexual predators who prey on younger women, rely on narcissism as a personality type, and don’t let anyone get a word in edgewise when their opinions are challenged. Many of the women validate these behaviors and blame themselves when they get hurt citing “spiritual growth” as a silver lining to cure all traumas. I would say that 95%+ of the people in the community present a perfect picture of themselves online while having crumbling relationships and failing inner lives. You might see a post or video about “conscious uncoupling” of a spiritual "power couple" and then find out later that someone was in a relationship with a narcissistic predator or was experiencing physical abuse. Sadly, many of the victims gaslight themselves in the uncoupling announcement. Many people here are predators in other ways… they might launch a health business that uses essential oils to replace therapy. There are con artists all over the place who can range from simply overpricing their wares in alarming ways to trying to entrap people in “business contracts” that devastate their lives. I have had personal UFO experiences here and do personally think that extraterrestrial life exists, but I would NEVER try to manufacture a fake experience… One of the UFO tour guides was having people hide out in the desert and flash lights into the sky while people on the tour wore special glasses. Then she was charging an arm and a leg to channel “spiritual messages” from the e.t.s for her clients and saying that if they didn’t receive the message, something bad would happen to them. This is the fluffiest and lightest post I could possibly do to communicate how bad it is in the “spiritual community” here. This is only the tip of the iceberg.

The good news? Sedona is so much more than a toxic new age community. It is GORGEOUS and it does have many good, healthy/normal people here. =) I have had such a beautiful experience in this place and can’t say enough good things about it. I have easy access to healthy foods, endless nature to explore and bask in, and a growing community of people who call the new age community out on its toxicity. I read what I want, play Animal Crossing without blue-blocker glasses, regularly enjoy going to listen to goth music at my preferred venue (I’ve been demonized for this lol), and eat what makes me feel good. My partner and I have had a beautiful and successful relationship for nearly a decade now and create amazing memories every day. We have good friends all around the world… and I have a solid, BIG group of academic colleagues/friends locally who DO ethically cite their sources and contribute positively to science and higher learning. If you’re into paleontology like me, you are in fossil heaven! =D If you love astronomy or astrophysics, we’re in a dark sky city! There are so many cool things to do from playing in LOTR-worthy waterfalls, to sampling delicious vegan creations, to playing DnD on red rocks with your friends while a *real* UFO passes by overhead. Get yourself a smoothie and organic wrap from one of our incredible food trucks and drive out into the desert while listening to Nightvale with your love or your friends. =)

If you ever want a list of must-do’s while visiting, let me know. I’ve got your back! The point is that I just harped on the negative above, but the good news is that you can completely avoid all of the junk. Keep it or scrap it when it comes to the Sedona new age community? I say scrap it. But you can still pursue your spiritual interests in healthy ways here while enjoying all the yummy creature comforts that the Verde Valley has to offer. I hope this helps and if just one person comes here and has a safe experience because of my thoughts, then every moment I’ve spent writing this was worth it. =) <3

#new age #toxic community #sedona #cults cw #trigger warning #red rocks #narcissismawareness #mental health #cult leader

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ethicsgirls · 3 years ago

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‘There is no health without mental health’: an interview with Dr Naomi Newman-Beinart, PHD, Nutritionist (BSc) & Chartered Psychologist (CPsychol) (PhD)

Dr Naomi Newman-Beinart, Member of the CThA & Division of Health Psychology, BPS

Interview by Julia Nelson

Having access to educational information online is a real gift, but with all that’s out there, it’s always good to pick the brain of an expert to avoid getting lost in content. We had the pleasure of chatting to Dr Naomi Newman-Beinart on how to look after ourselves age 40+. Someone had to!

What is the secret to good health?

In my opinion, it's all about mindset. I always say that there is no health without mental health (it's true!). Funnily enough, I am trying to get Instagram going (it's not as easy as it sounds!) and my post yesterday was all about this, I was saying that it's obviously a brilliant idea to try and eat a healthy and varied diet (and I am super excited that new research shows that eating your 5 a day specifically 3 veg and 3 fruit - means you're more likely to live longer and less likely to have chronic illnesses as you get older). BUT I always try and focus on how I feel when I get up each day. Do you wake up feeling positive and energised? Or wake up dreading your day? Or wake up somewhere in the middle.....

No-one is expected to feel amazing 100% of the time. But it’s really important to do some things for YOU and to make sure that you aren’t struggling more than is necessary with daily stresses.

These are a few things I try to help feel better at the start of each day:

Stay in touch with people.

Increase movement and exercise.

Focus on the here and now.

Be kind to yourself and others.

Learn something new.

This advice is even more important given the global events of the past 18 months I would say.

How should women age 40+ take care of their health and wellbeing?

I think that it is really important that women are given more information about their hormonal health from the age of 40. The NHS usually do a health review for over 40's health for men and women, but this doesn’t cover hormonal changes or changes in bone density that women start to experience by this point in life. I think that as long as women are aware of hormonal changes in peri-menopause and what symptoms to look out for, and consider the fact that if they haven't already, it's time to get back into exercise - even walking, and trying to eat healthily most of the time, not always - reducing booze but still having fun, and considering any genetic illnesses that might rear their ugly heads at some point (e.g. osteoporosis - it may be time to start taking Vitamin D and think about calcium and collagen containing foods etc)

Do supplements work and do you recommend taking multivitamins every day?

I am a fan of trying to get everything you can from food, but I believe that as you get older you may struggle with a less effective digestive system and you may have more 'issues' that supplements could help with. For example, I take borage oil for hormonal health and I find it really effective, but I didn't need it when I was 25. I personally take a multivitamin most days, as I like to get my B vitamins and minerals, but I always say that it's important to get a decent quality multivitamin and not buy the cheap ones that are using poor quality ingredients and lots of fillers.

Should your blood type determine what sort of food you should be eating? i.e pescatarian diet

I tend to make my recommendations based on science when research is available, and research into blood type diets does not show that it works as such. BUT saying that, the diets recommended by blood type are generally better than most diets, so most people should feel an improvement when they try a blood type diet. I do have a few patients who swear that the blood type diet has worked for them, and if you find a healthy and workable diet that suits you, than go for it. But don't try and follow a diet that you feel you should be following if you feel bad on it or it's making you mentally struggle.

If you have a chronic health condition like osteoarthritis or Hashimoto thyroiditis for example should you tailor your diet accordingly and take specific supplements?

Yes, absolutely. You don't have to make massive changes if you already eat a good diet (e.g a Mediterranean type diet), so to aid joint health I would suggest thinking about Omega 3 and turmeric (for example) in your diet and also think about foods that cause your joint pain to flare up, and avoid those where possible. A lot of people find that tomatoes and potatoes (to name a few) cause arthritis symptoms to flare up and avoiding them can reduce pain and improve mobility. I love marine collagen powder (I take Correxiko's Marine Collagen powder every day!) to help improve my general health. I love that collagen research is very well carried out and shows great results for osteoarthritis and osteoporosis, which makes sense, as collagen plays a huge role in the health of all of our organs and joints and bones.

Hashimoto's thyroiditis (HT) - So there is some good research showing that people with thyroid issues may be deficient in certain nutrients and Vitamin D, selenium, zinc, iron and B12 are a few of them. In fact, low Vitamin D levels have been associated with worse symptoms for people with HT. I would suggest eating a varied and healthy diet (as I tell everyone!) but even more so in the case of people who are diagnosed when they are young (under 50). The longer you can go with symptoms that don't affect your daily life, the better! And eating a healthy diet has been shown time and time again to reduce the likelihood of various chronic illnesses, which you really want to reduce the risk of! Again, like with any diagnosed condition, find out what works best for you and what foods might worsen your symptoms so you know what to avoid.

Obviously if anyone is on medication, always check with your healthcare professional before taking supplements as they may interfere with your meds or not be suitable to take with your condition.

How can you get tested for food intolerances / allergies?

Yes, you can ask your GP, or you can go privately, to have allergy tests. With regards to food intolerances, I don't feel that there are any very effective tests, as you are testing something quite different than when you are testing for food allergies. I tend to suggest working together with a nutritionist, or dietitian to organise an avoidance diet to help you figure out what foods lead to negative symptoms of food intolerance.

Should women aged 40 and over have regular general health checks and who does these? Can you recommend where to go for a general health check?

Yes! I think that it is really important to keep on top of your health and to talk to your GP if you have any issues. Breast checks are very important, as are bone density scans, full blood count (including fasting glucose) and blood pressure. Pay attention to any urinary tract infections as you'll want to nip these in the bud asap to reduce the risk of kidney infection or even sepsis - these are much more common as you hit the peri-menopausal stage (age 42-48 or so).

You can pay privately to have many more tests done and that is your decision if you are able to, but as long as you keep on top of your diet and exercise and the checks mentioned here, your GP should be able to help you with any health issues that crop up.

How would you recommend prioritising your health and wellbeing?

I am a big ambassador for kindness. I believe that if you are kind to others then it comes back to you in terms of mental health. And that brings me back to suggesting that people focus on their mental health as a priority. It's also important to consider that research has found that people who eat more unhealthy foods are more likely to report moderate to severe psychological distress - so if you are able to try and eat healthily, one meal at a time, I would hope that you would start to feel better emotionally and then be more likely to make good decisions about exercise. That is how we build healthy habits :). I am a chartered psychologist specialising in health psychology and I find this works so well with my nutrition degree.

Nowadays there’s such a strong focus on living a healthy life, and it can be daunting and to be honest, a little bit scary…..

Don’t stress. Just take one day at a time and think about one healthy choice at a time. This can be a useful way to think about diet, exercise and emotional health.

We promote ethical lifestyle brands and green living, can you tell us what ethical lifestyle brands you like and use?

I have used so many over the years and good ethics is VERY important to me when it comes to brands that I use. I love Correxiko, as mentioned earlier. I also LOVE Uralix as I think that they have a wonderful outlook and the owner really wants to help women with urinary tract infections (which are so awful!) and this is 100% why she invented the product. I love Higher Nature products - I am currently using their 'relax kids' powder at bed every night (for me!), but all of their products are fab. And I love Greenspring matcha tea powder as I love and need the theanine that you get naturally from matcha tea. Ooooooh I also love medicinal mushrooms and Hifas da Terra are a wonderful and highly ethical company that do fantastic mushroom research to help people with ailments that are not necessarily being helped enough by medications.

How can women feel confident and positive about their health?

Don't make changes for anyone else, make them for yourself. You don't have to calorie count and be a size 8-10 to feel great. As long as you are doing your best to live a healthy life, you don't have to be perfect everyday! Don't deny yourself when you want a glass of wine or a treat and don't put everyone else first, you have to come first too. Try and focus on the here and now and what you can do right now that will make you happy and as you act positively, it will help you build healthy habits (that's the psychologist in me talking.....).

You can follow Naomi on Instagram here: www.instagram.com/drnaomib/

#womenshealthandwellbeing #over40swomenshealth #Dr Naomi Newman-Beinart PHD #nutrisionist

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captainjimothycarter · 4 years ago

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Prompt: okay so Peggy is de-aged and Steve finds out but he’s far away undercover. Like worst timing ever so she gets on the phone and he races to her—big heartfelt reunion and everyone is there to witness and it’s beautiful, but don’t forget the snark. Maybe avengers didn’t really believe that their relationship was so pure 😱😭😭😭♥️

Oh my god so i am on sleepy pain meds bc i hurt my back and this might be the worst thing i’ve ever done.

Everything about this was hushed-hushed, no one was to know. Of course, naturally at Shield that meant everyone knew but the intended people. That meant when Peggy found herself waking up to a body that was only in distant memory, Steve was nowhere to be found. It didn’t take much prodding from a Doctor Banner and or Jemma Simmons to get an answer as to where exactly he was.

Over 400,000 miles away. Undercover. On some vital information that is meant to save their asses in some case or another.

Peggy was not a patient woman, even if Banner and Simmons kept her busy with all these tests. Even if they were the most patient people in the world when it came to Peggy suddenly getting her old body back and being right as rain. She understood the need for tests to see if she ran in tip-top shape and wasn’t going to deteriorate but what she really wanted was to call Steve.

How could no one see what was important to her?

Well, maybe some people did.

The lab was empty as Jemma brought her in for another round of testing, her face stoic as she brought her into a new room with just a table and a phone. She pressed a finger to her lip and motioned that she had one call to make and a timer on the clock said she had a few set minutes.

“Thank you,” she breathed to her, pulling Jemma into a tight hug. She had to be mindful of her strength now, given the serum.

“I know how it feels to be separated from your life partner, even if this case it’s just miles.” The look in her eyes told a story that Peggy wanted to dissect. Later, she told herself. “Banner and I will keep people ready but if you hear us bang on the door, drop the call.”

That’s all Peggy needed.

She found herself clinging to the simple block of a phone that was meant for satellite calls, listening to the breaking dial tone. Then the click. The heavy breathing. The slight pain in his breath, like he was reminding himself to breathe.

“Fury? Coulson? What-what is it? We’re sorta busy - there’s…”

Oh, his voice. That beautiful tone. Even if the break in it made her worry about the pain he was in.

“Hello? Is anyone there? Oh, fuck. Sam, duck!”

She could hear crashing, a pause, then laughter from Steve that made her eyes sting and her heart soar.

“Steve,” she breathed, feeling the tears roll down her cheeks. She didn’t bother to wipe them off.

“Peggy?” He sounded about as shocked as she did. “Peggy is that you? Where...how…?”

“It’s a long story,” she laughed. “De-aged thanks to your blood samples, a project I did not approve of but I am glad they did it anyway.” She flinched at a loud screech and clung to the phone. “Steve? Steve! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, doll. I’m okay.” He sighed over the phone, hearing his own aggression. “I’ll be right there. Don’t leave HQ. Sam, we gotta go!”

“Be careful and…” She clung to the phone like it was her lifeline. “Don’t you dare fly a plane, Rogers. I mean it.”

“I love you too.”

Even over the phone, she could hear that trademark smirk as the line died on them just in time for Jemma to open the door.

“So the rumors are true?” Jemma asked her when they weren’t exactly alone an hour later. She stood beside Peggy as the new patient was jogging lightly on the treadmill. Banner was on the other side of the room, doing something on the computer.

Steve had just been confirmed to be coming back in-land and it would take a few hours. There was another agent or two here, someone by the name of Bobbi, working beside Jemma and adjusting the monitor to Jemma’s height. Someone named Fitz was with Banner and given Jemma’s heart eyes on him, she could guess that was her life partner.

“I suppose we’re no longer at our war nor am I officially his liason, so yes,” Peggy mused, slowing the speed down to a small trot. “Steve and I were...together.”

“I thought that was only for the history books?” Banner mused, looking over his shoulder at her. “Y’know, the hero gets the girl sorta thing.”

“He didn’t get me,” Peggy scoffed, rolling her eyes. “It’s complicated.”

“I think those two know a thing or two about complicated,” Bobbi mused, her head bobbing towards Fitz and Jemma. She looked downright amused. “As do I.”

“It…” Peggy sighed as she hit the stop button much to Jemma’s frowning. “Simmons, I’ve been at this all morning. I am fine. Anyway...Steve and I were in a relationship before…” Her throat tightened just at the thought alone. Before...he sacrificed himself for the greater good and took a piece of her with him.

“Miss Carter,” Fitz suddenly spoke, seeing the look on Peggy’s face. He shared a look with Jemma, rolling his stool over to her. “Why don’t we go for a stroll in the garden, hm? I take it you had some personal touches in the plants there? Jemma and Dr. Banner can run the analysis on your tests before they treat you like another dancing monkey.”

“I’d like that,” Peggy sighed, pulling her hair off of her neck in an attempt to cool down.

Turns out, it wasn’t just Banner who doubted her relationship. Tony did too. Even Fury. Everything seemed to relate to the history books of a picture-perfect tale of them together just for Steve to lose her.

The only people who seemed to understand were those working under Coulson. Even Phil Coulson seemed to understand their relationship to a degree. Though, Fitz and Jemma seemed to understand on a personal level and their young love...it made Peggy’s heart swell.

By the time she got the notification Steve’s plane was in the area, Peggy was freshly showered and being lead up to the docks by Jemma, Fitz, and Bobbi. Suddenly the people part of Steve’s team had other things to do.

She could barely sit still as the plane landed and the ramp was lowered. Steve was not the first one-off. The first one-off, basically running off before the ramp was fully lowered was a tall, muscular, yet slender blonde with purple hearing aids. She watched him throw himself to Bobbi, knocking them both to the ground. Who she could only assume was Sam was next, the man giving her a trademark wink that reminded her of Gabe Jones, before hugging FitzSimmons to his chest and helping Bobbi up.

Steve did not get off and she feared the worst.

“He fell asleep behind the wheel,” Sam whispered to her, patting her shoulder. “Told ‘im not to pilot but he said they’d get there faster.”

“The bastard,” Peggy sighed. “Never bothers to listen to a thing I say.”

Ignoring the reunions around him, she jogged inside and passed the small cots and a few labeled containers that Fitz was carefully grabbing. She found Steve as Sam had promised. Behind the controls, head tucked into his chest. The few stray hairs falling onto his forehead, chin rising with every breath he took.

He was breathtaking and Peggy’s eyes brimmed with tears. She dropped to her knees beside him, hearing Jemma pause as she looked over to make sure their prized science experiment didn’t just die on them.

“Oh, darling,” Peggy breathed, her red painted nails [habits died hard] reached out to touch his cheek, stroking the soft stubble. Her hand moved to push his hair out of his face and smiled at how a lock fell right back. “Working yourself to the bone again. Don’t you know when to rest?”

“He does not,” Clint mused, crossing his arms and leaning into the entranceway. “I think you know that by now.”

“And I know you follow suit and are avoiding medical,” Bobbi pointed out, wrapping an arm around her boyfriend’s waist. “Come on. Before Hunter and Bucky see you like this, you idiot. Did you break another rib?”

Peggy ignored them as they left, leaning up to gently press a tender kiss to Steve’s lips. She was met with a flutter of baby blue eyes that brought her back to the first time she saw them. A scrawny Brooklyn Native covered in red dust and in a helmet far too big for him. He smiled against her lips, eyes still hazy with sleep.

“Are you an angel?” he whispered, pressing their foreheads together but making no other moves. She was sure he stopped breathing.

The question made Peggy laugh. “No, darling, no. I don’t think that statement has worked on anyone.”

“Damn.” He rubbed at his eyes and yawned, having enough courtesy to turn his head before he wrestled Peggy into his arms. He couldn’t care about their little crowd. He needed her. Hastily kissing her lips like he needed to breathe.

“You two are disgusting,” a voice snorted from the entranceway.

Peggy didn’t even need to look up to know Steve had thrown the shield haphazardly at Bucky.

“We’re making up for lost time,” Steve groaned, pulling away from Peggy with kiss-swollen lips. “You don’t gotta look.”

“How can I not when you’re kissing right in front of me? Hiya, Pegs.” Bucky wrapped her up in a hug and kissed the side of her face, letting Steve drag his weary body out of the chair. “Do me a favor and get this sap home.”

“Consider it done. I think we need to christen the bed anyway,” she mused thoughtfully.

Bucky’s expression was everything to her as Steve wrapped her up in a hug and half carried her off of the ship.

“Hang on it’s real?”

Tony breathed, turning to point his wooden spoon threateningly at Peggy’s face. She easily batted the spoon away with her own, making him pout.

“What’s real?” Steve sighed, dropping into the stool beside Peggy with his own coffee from the counter. “Our relationship?”

“Yes! I thought that was just a...thing Howard and you made up! I didn’t think you and Cap actually got together!”

Peggy rolled her eyes, draining the last of her tea. “Christ, is everyone going to say that?”

“I mean, I thought you two boned or kissed, but…” Clint mused from the couch, his leg up in the air to wave in their direction. “Not like kiss-kiss.”

“What are you twelve?” Natasha snickered. “Of course they were together. Don’t you see how Steve pined after her? Even in just her photos at the museum.”

“Aw, you pined after her?” Bucky breathed, earning an elbow from Steve. “Oh c’mon, punk, I had to live with this dancing around one another crap for years before Hydra finally put me out of my misery.”

“Hey, not funny,” Steve grumbled. “Still not funny. That will never be funny. And we didn’t dance around one another.”

“It is funny. I told yah, I was found before you and everything.” Bucky huffed, stealing a croissant from Tony’s hand to bite into. “And yes you did. Pegs, tell him.”

“I wasn’t dancing around,” Peggy mused, refilling her mug. “Steve was the dancing monkey.”

“I see where you two learned it from,” Bobbi teased, throwing a look where Fitz and Jemma were sitting on the other end of the couch from Clint’s prodding foot.

“If everyone can stop taking the mickey out on all of us that would be great,” Fitz over dramatically sighed. “Steve and Peggy can finally be together, thanks to this genius.” He squeezed Jemma’s frame to him, making her flush.

“And Dr. Banner,” Peggy pointed out. “Where is he, by the way? I haven’t seen him since we left.”

“Vacation. Something about this was a favor to the history books,” Bobbi mused, waving her hand. “So, you two...Pegs, when’s the wedding date? And don’t tell me not yet. You two finally get to be together. I think you and FitzSimmons over there need to do a double destination date.”

Peggy and Jemma shared a look from over the table, making Steve laugh. “I wouldn’t say no to that. What do you say, Miss Simmons?”

“I’ll draw up the wedding plans.”

My tip jar

#Steggy #StevePeggy #Steggy Prompt #Nonny Prompt #FitzSimmons #BobbiClint #BobbiBuck #BobbiHunter #BobbiClintHunterBucky #Aos Characters added #Dr. Banner #because I am simp

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the-shadow-of-atlantis · 4 years ago

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My Friend Got Turned Into A Werewolf

Part 7 Learning

Tagging: @melyaliz @dilpickledd @coffee-randomness @speedypan

A/N Red belongs to @melyaliz

There were only so many times Red could read the werewolf book, he was starting to get antsy staying in here and not being able to do much. It didn't help that Aquata also tended to hole herself up in her room most of the time. Turning on the tv Red began flipping through the channels when he felt his phone buzz. Checking the name on the phone he couldn’t help but be puzzled when he answered.

“Seamom?”

“Is it bad I’m glad you still call me that after all this time.” Annabella chuckled lightly.

“Well honestly I’m not sure what to really call you.” Red said sheepishly.

“Seamom is fine.”

“Alright but um why exactly are you calling me?”

“Oh your mother and I have some food that’s on the way and also I wanted to see how you're doing.”

“I’m okay, well as okay as I can be. I don’t know I’m trying to do research and see how I’m progressing but I… I’m not sure what I’m doing. I've asked Aquata since she’s dealt with things like this before but.” Red paused not sure what exactly he should say.

“Aquata has a tendency to focus on something in order to distract herself. However sometimes she focuses a little too much on the wrong thing.” Annabella sighed. “I was hoping being with a friend again would help her. Just keep trying to ask her for help, as much as she holds herself up she can’t help but be there for her friends.”

Red wasn't really sure how to take the second part of what Annabella said. She had hoped Aquata being with a friend would help. What did that mean?

"Sorry." Annabella said, bringing Red back. "I just can't help but worry so be ready for lots of food being sent."

"And we'll be here ready to eat it all." Red said. "And don't worry I'll keep an eye out on her."

"Thanks Red." Annabella sighed. "And take care of yourself too."

"I will. Thanks seamom." Red heard one last small laugh before the phone disconnected.

Putting the phone away Red began to make his way up the stairs when his body became alert and he turned towards the door. Without thinking he ran straight towards it only to be knocked backwards before he even reached the door.

He groaned as he felt his back and neck ache. There was a rushing of footsteps and suddenly Aquata was standing over him.

"What happened?" She asked her eyes flicking from him to around the cabin as if trying to spot danger.

"I dunno." Red groaned as he tried to get up. "I just ran towards the door?"

Aquata looked at him puzzled then there was a squawk that came from the other side of the door. Red perked up and growled at the noise making Aquata turn to look at him and then suddenly she was laughing. She was trying to compose herself but everytime it seemed like she was done she'd burst into another fit of laughs.

"I'm glad my pain amuses you." Red pouted, but he had to admit hearing her laugh was making his day. When was the last time he even heard her laugh?

"Oh gods I'm sorry I'm sorry." Aquata snickered as she straightened up.

However instead of helping Red she walked towards the door.

"There's a reason the mailman doesn't come too far into town. However it's a little hard to banish animals, I guess mom underestimated your transformation. Tyler didn't however it seems he added more runes to protect the house from your outbursts." Aquata said as she opened the door.

An eagle with a little blue vest was standing on top of a box. It flapped its wings and squawked again.

"Hello Harold." Aquata said, kneeling down and unclipped the package from his vest.

Red had gotten up and stood behind Aquata glaring down at the bird.

"Say hello to mom for me." Aquata said, patting his head.

Harold squawked and flapped his wings as he turned and took off. Red looked at the bird and sighed.

"Please tell me this doesn't last forever."

"Nah, you'll get used to it after a while. However I will admit Tyler stole a frisbee or two when we went on dates at the park." Aquata snickered.

Red stared at her wondering if she was just teasing him, however there was something about how naturally she said it that it almost seemed true.

Closing the door Aquata turned to go to the kitchen. And Red followed her quickly.

"Wait were you joking about the mailman and the frisbee?" He asked wondering if he sounded as stupid as he thought.

"I wish. There's a little mail center that wolves have to go to pick up their mail. Their houses are marked as "do not approach". One too many mailmen got chased in the early years of this town being settled and those cars don't drive fast enough." Aquata explained as she opened the package and pulled out seamoms famous mac and cheese casserole.

Red mouth began to water despite having eaten not too long ago. A loud grumble came from Aquatas stomach making both of them jump.

"I guess it's time to eat." Aquata laughed nervously as she turned to get plates.

Red stared at her puzzled, glancing up at the clock he realized it was way past lunch time. Quickly he walked over to the fridge only to find the lunches he'd been making for the past two days were completely untouched. How hadn't he noticed that?

"You haven't been eating lunch?" He asked turning around to see Aquatas place a large portion on her plate.

Aquatas opened her mouth as if to protest but upon seeing the fridge she quickly closed it.

"I lost track of time." She said lamely.

"Twice?" Red accused, pointing at the two pieces of tupperware.

"...yes." Aquatas sighed. "I have a lot to catch up on."

"That doesn't mean you should go around skipping meals."

"One meal. And I'm fine. See I'll take this up to my room and eat it."

"Uh uh." Red said quickly, blocking her exit.

"I," he started taking the plate from Aquata. "Am going to heat this up. You are gonna get your stuff and come down. And you will eat, if you take too long between bites I'm spraying you with water."

"You do know water doesn't affect me." Aquatas said, crossing her arms. But Red didn't budge.

"Fine." Aquatas caved letting her shoulders drop. "I'll be right back."

"You have until the microwave beeps." Red said, stepping aside to let her pass.

Ten minutes later Aquatas had her books and notebooks sprawled across the coffee table and the couch she was occupying. Her laptop was perched on a small tv tray table that Red was wondering where she had gotten it from.

Red nestled himself on the recliner and had the tv on low, he was starting to notice his ears would hurt if the tv was on too high. Every time the show would cut to commercial he would turn to look at Aquata and waited till she took a bite. One of the times he glanced over she caught sight of one of the books she was reading and tilted his head curiously.

“I didn't know you were studying to be a doctor.” He said looking at the medical book.

“I’m not.” Aquata said as she took the last bite from her plate.

Red scanned over the books trying to make sense of the mess. “It sure looks like it.”

“It's… complicated.” Aquata said, rubbing her head. Red looked at her expectedly, she sighed as she set her laptop to the side.

“Growing up you suffered from headaches right.” Red nodded turning around in his seat to face Aquata properly. “On a normal person they would chalk it up to migraines or just headaches from stress. However you were different yours were because of your powers. Now how often would you go to Starlabs only for them to estimate how much medicine you should really take or tell you to just learn to adapt to your powers?”

“Pretty much every time.” Red said, realizing she was expecting a real answer.

“I was in a lot of sports growing up besides doing our missions and my sister did dance. Our injury count was a lot higher than normal. A kid gets injured playing a sport they get sent to a doctor who then probably sends them to a physical therapist if they need to recover and call it a day. My sister and I got hurt and we jumped between labs trying to figure out the best way to treat us. We’re generation three going on four and science hasn’t caught up to metahuman treatment. The classes I’m in, the course that I’m taking, has barely been active since I’ve started. It's basically a mass learning center trying to learn everything and anything regarding metahumans, aliens, atlanteans, and mixed species. How to apply human medical knowledge so that we can start making clinics and medical facilities to help treat everyone properly.”

Red nodded taking everything in. “And how does this not make you a doctor?”

Aquata smiled sheepishly. “I'm only learning enough to be a physical/massage therapist. I don't think I have the patience to become an actual doctor. Besides sport and hero injuries are something I can understand.”

“Wait you said this program has barely been around since you started?”

“Perks of having a rich grandfather is that he’s willing to drop a lot of money for a good cause.” Aquata said, smiling as she looked down.

“I'm sure if you were to talk to the professor he’d be willing to make a donation.” Red said suddenly not sure why he wanted to help in some way.

“Oh he has.” Aquata said looking up. “About a few months after we opened up he reached out and even offered some professors to help.”

“So that’s where McCoy has been sneaking off to. Oh man I owe Jackson money.”

“What did you think he was doing?” Aquata asked.

“We thought he had a secret girlfriend somewhere. Leave it to him to be such a nerd. What?” Red asked noticing the smile on Aquatas face.

“Oh I’m not saying anything.” Aquata said, grabbing her laptop.

“You know something.” Red accused.

“I plead the fifth.” Aquata said focusing on her laptop. “And don't even think about it.”

“Think about what?” Red said, trying to look innocent.

“Probing minds is rude.”

“What’s rude is you being able to know what I’m thinking and I can never get a read on you, and I’m the mind reader.” Red said exasperated.

“How do you do it?” Red asked so seriously it threw Aquata off. It was strange how much more serious he could get now. “Ever since I’ve known you your mind has always been so quiet. At first I thought maybe you’re just different, but I’m starting to get the feeling you're actively shutting me out.”

“You really shouldn’t take it so personally.” Aquata said, trying to smile reassuringly. “My family has had a bad track record when it comes to our minds. My dad got brain blasted by Miss Martian when he was working as a double agent, he needed to get his mind reconstructed from scratch. My mom was kidnapped by a stalker who put her under a spell that made her bend to his will. My dad had to go into her mind to help her break free of it. My grandfather started teaching us from a young age how to protect our minds, how to shield it, make it harder for anyone to try and break in. After what happened to Shaylee I worked harder to strengthen mine. It's better this way.”

Red was about to ask what she meant by that last part when her phone began to ring.

“Hey Tyler what’s up?” Aquata asked as she answered the phone. “Oh… okay I'll let him know. Thanks, bye.”

“What happened?” Red asked, he had tried to avoid over hearing what Tyler might’ve said.

“Your trial has been set for tomorrow.”

#werewolf au #oc x oc

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m00nlitknight · 5 years ago

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bonfire pt. 2: acquaint

fandom: IT (2017) pairing: patrick hockstetter / reader word count: 2.4k+ warnings: smoking, mentions of underage drinking, cigarette burns, possessive/patrick behaviors extra: part two of bonfire. part one here.

archive of our own link.

The deep-woods bonfires thrown by Henry typically went down as legendary for most of the student body, yet his impulsive and sporadic timing left a lot to be desired. Come Wednesday morning and nearly half of the upper class men who attended were wiped out from the chance of even going to school. There were the strong few whose parents all but forced them out the door. They would likely drag through the day with a near-ghoulish aura, disturbed only when they found it within themselves to whine of the self-medicated headaches or migraines. Occasionally, they’d mutter some regret-induced reverie of ‘never drinking again,’ despite being one of the first to jump at the boozing until loosing.

Then, there were the select few who showed little to no physical signs of the night’s previous activities. Whether it be a graced, humane level of sleep granted to them, or purely divine intervention; they earned their day’s nickname as “The Elite.” Thankfully, you were one of them, though falling into the former category yourself.

The fortunate reality was that you’d managed to fall asleep in your lawn chair after gazing at the fire for what was practically an eternity. Miraculously, you awoke to the sun peaking over the horizon, and no signs of possessions being taken from you or any obscene drawings donning your features. Oh, perhaps if you’d the time you could’ve poured one out for your skill of packing light and flying under the radar of those who tended to fool around with the vulnerable.

The unfortunate reality came as you stepped through the doors. It wasn’t that you were particularly a loner to any extreme capacity, really. Just that many of the student body didn’t catch your eye in terms of friendship. Whether it be your nearly always-present resting bitch face, the fact that nearly everyone went with the same flow, or that your addition to the town was so quiet nobody was actually able to pin-point your exact time frame of appearance; you weren’t really sure. The few friends you made were evidence of how you typically kept people at arm’s length, what with how you only really hung out with them during school hours or the odd sleepover, along with how you tended to keep almost every thought to yourself. Sure, teacher’s appreciated the silence, but your couldn’t help but feel left out from the typical rowdiness some of the students got to indulge in.

This morning, you found that your typical ‘ride or die’ for the day, Celine since she had the same schedule as you, didn’t have the will to drag herself from bed. A relatable struggle, since you had wanted nothing more than to cuddle into your bed and sleep the day away when you’d managed to get yourself ready from the aftereffects of the party. The mascara and makeup of yesterday was wiped off in the form of a much needed 10-minute shower, relishing in the direct heat and nearly falling asleep in its clutches. How you managed to take yourself from it and into the surrounding cold air was nothing short of an extremely strong sense of will for a high schooler, you assessed yourself.

Tiptoeing through the house was a familiar feat, your parents having come home to an empty home and falling into bed just hours before your own arrival. The rift between you was noticeable, not that you really cared. It often felt like they forgot about you, leaving the door locked even when you said when you’d be getting home - only to need to crawl through an unlocked window after knocking the screen out. Surprisingly, from their own lack of attention or some angel unlocking the door for you, you’d managed to sneak in through the front door completely undetected.

Regardless of the carelessness of your parents in the recent past, your independence from them was becoming greater and greater. A license at a reasonable age, a car you’d bought and insured by yourself, and a job lined up for the near future; you could say you were doing pretty well, at least currently. Many of your accomplishments were your own, born of blood, sweat, and tears.

School was something you never found yourself really struggling with, taking a natural interest in science and history and having a natural capability when it came to math and language. Physical education was the bane of your existence, but you’d managed to get the two credits required out of the way your freshman year. Despite these feats and having done them by yourself, the nights spent lonely and draining your energy over math, having to work through problems, both academic and real-world, bore into you a bit. Loneliness ebbed away at you, yearning for something more was becoming harder and harder to ignore and push off, affection was a commodity in your mind.

Was that why Celine’s absence was a bit harder hitting then it usually should’ve been? Suddenly you worried a bit more about how you would be perceived standing alone by your locker, marinating in the awkwardness of lone teenagerdom.

In spite of the flurry of vulnerability, you cast them aside for the typical, cooler and unfeeling side of yourself. Looking busy was an art form, and you, the artist. Today would be spent in the depths of your mind, pondering the most important subjects you crossed, and staring out the classroom windows and into the soul of mother nature herself. Maybe you could even catch a nap.

The first two classes, math and history, managed to pass in what you could only assess as a blur, a mess of lectures, worksheets, and book work, and you left to fend for yourself in the hallways. Eyes passed over you like you were a translucent apparition, something easily brushed off and forgettable. As used to you as it was, the sensation of eyes upon you - an unfamiliar, and from the feeling of it, beastly gaze - was unsettling. For the short time in the hallway, spent crouching down to your locker, exchanging and retrieving the correct books and work, it was easily ignored. However, the trek to class was an uneasy one, since the stare seemed to follow as you sat down in your seat. Carefully, you scanned the area, through uninterested lashes and a stony face. You found all eyes you looked upon to be drawn anywhere else, whether it be to their friends or into a separate astral plane.

That is, until looking into the dead - green stare of Patrick Hockstetter himself. Your seemingly dazed gaze fell into his, sharpened and widened a fraction, causing a wolfish grin to appear on his features. Had he not been sitting two rows away, and the teacher’s demand of attention, you could’ve done more than a cowardly head - turn back to the front.

The confinements of the room seemed to be too little, even though you were so comfortable with the two empty desks around you only a short moment prior. Time, which had been breezing by with the ease of water, suddenly felt like it was freezing. Despite this, your mind sped up, beginning to race with momentarily panicked thoughts. An unruly beast, you found emotions to be, just when you thought them to be tame they’d break free from their chains once again. It took a moment of tense shoulders, closed eyes, and a deep breath to realign yourself back to a cold demeanor.

Patrick observed, witness to the small tells such as the shift of your foot backward, lean forward onto your elbows, arms crossed on the desk and shoulders going rigid. The leg bouncing had him snickering to himself, a sound quiet enough it didn’t seem to rouse you from your thoughts. Had it been a more appropriate setting, he would’ve found himself outright cackling at the image of dispelling your momentary panic, if only to watch your reaction. Though, shock factor was reserved for any time but class time. He’d learned earlier that to fly under the radar of teachers, he’d need to stay quiet and not disrupt class. Unfortunate for his friends, two of which weren’t even present for the day, they hadn’t really figured that out. Well, except Vic, but Vic was different.

He stared at you for practically the rest of the period, much to your own disdain, smirking in amusement as he watched you practically race out of the room and into the hallway. Homeroom was next, then lunch, both of which he didn’t have the faintest idea where you went. Your presence in the school seemed to disappear almost completely, not that he had really been paying attention before this instance. Now, though, you were a target of interest. The lax defiance shown the night before had him intrigued, excited to break you; physically or mentally, he didn’t really care. So often was he faced with the typical submissive individuals in Derry, even adults had a tendency to break eye contact.

Instead of sitting with Belch for mid-day detention, he ventured out of his designated location for homeroom to instead snoop around. The repercussions would likely be ‘disastrous’ by his mother’s standards, but to be frank, when did he ever give a fuck about what other people had to say?

His legs carried him down empty hallways, knowing full well you wouldn’t be in any of the occupied classrooms, around the school’s courtyard and into the football field. Few students were littered around its premises, most of which couples who’d managed to sneak out and get handsy on the bleachers. From the looks of it, it’d either be most likely that you were here, even though his search hadn’t been the faintest bit thorough.

Under the bleachers you stand, staring emotionless into the distance. In your hand is a cigarette, a forgotten pack worth nothing to them and the world to you. The brand didn’t matter so long as you hand your hands on it, you weren’t raised a picky child. It wiped the slate clean of the emotions you were feeling, numbed the stress that caused skull-splitting, chest-tightening fits of self-hatred and school. From the outside eye, you appeared deep in thought, a modern-day Socrates in her own right. In reality, you weren’t truly thinking about anything. A blank mind and a dazed head taking the shape of a tired kid.

Originally, you’d spent homeroom and lunch in the library, soaking in texts that were available until one of your ‘friends,’ Angel, began poking fun at you for being a bookworm. After that you would nap, but the librarian eventually had enough of you “sleeping your precious school-time away” and forced you to go somewhere else. Eventually, you began sneaking out to the football field, finding mostly peace and quiet. Most of the time you stayed outside for lunch, managing to sneak back in and blend in with the rest of the student body as they went to their next class.

“My, oh, my, it seems I’m not the only voyeur around,” to be so abruptly pulled from your thoughts was not only startling, but also rude. A shriek nearly fell from your mouth, caught in your throat and instead a sharp intake of air being its replacement, as you looked to who so rudely interrupted your thoughts, eyes wide and stance tensing once more. His words seemed to evade you completely, left in a dumbfounded shock instead staying plastered on your face for a long moment afterward. Composure came slowly, and yet you still found an edge in your voice.

“It’s like they say, first come first serve. I didn’t come out here to watch them fuck, they came out to watch me think and smoke,” somehow, your voice managed its typical flat, emotionless tone.

“Or did you come out to hide and smoke?” the evident grin in his voice is enough to make your head snap in his direction with a sneer on your face.

“What do you want?”

“A smoke,” he shrugged innocently, making an attempt to give you puppy dog eyes. Unbeknownst to you, he was about to tell a bold-faced lie. “I ran out this morning.”

You take a second to give him a look-over. The two of you hadn’t really crossed paths, aside from being placed near each other in seating charts once or twice during freshmen and sophomore year. Those didn’t ever last, though, and honestly the first time he’d approached you was at the bonfire the night before. Needless to say, his body language and actions were a complete and total mystery to you, all you really knew was that he was a creep, and what your friends said in huddled whispers from time to time.

You give him the one in your hand, finally, watching him take a drag from it. Your hand is held out expectantly, and he gives another toothy grin. “C’mon, can’t a guy get more than a taste?”

“No, I don’t get these often, anyway.”

“It’s supposed to be puff-puff-pass, princess,” the nickname rolls off his tongue like velvet, and suddenly the charm of him clicks. It doesn’t leave you interested in any capacity, more annoyed than anything. “Besides, I can get you these whenever you want if you’ll be mine.”

Another action to catch you off-guard? This guy was like the worst kind of surprise. “I’m not fuckin’ property, Hockstetter.”

Taking another drag from the cigarette, his hand shot out to grab your wrist. His speed was that of lightning as he plucked the cigarette from his lips. Tugging your wrist away proved futile immediately, and panic arose in your chest when he chuckled darkly at your meek expression. “You could be.”

The cigarette burned as it touched your skin, digging into you oh-so-tenderly. A gasp tore from your throat, followed by a grunt and more forceful jerking to release his grip. “Careful, now, I’d like a clean mark more than a messy one.” He felt internal glee when he felt you submit.

He held it there for what seemed to be an eternity and an instant, only taking it from your skin to relight it by his own flame. The grip didn’t release until he was finished admiring his work, a dark glint overtaking his eyes as he watched you bring your wrist to your chest.

He inhaled deeply, taking the cigarette from his lips once again and stepping closer to you. Had you not been leaning on a pole, you would’ve stepped back in fear. “See’ya around.” And with that, he turned and left.

#patrick hockstetter #patrick hockstetter x reader #patrick hockstetter imagine #it 2017 fanfiction #reader insert #it 2017 #writing.txt #work: bonfire #bowers gang fanfiction #bowers gang

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bettertheworld · 4 years ago

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How and why fear scares people into eating meat.

Did you ever wonder why you ate what you ate as a child? Do you wonder why you continue to eat what you eat? Or are you simply on autopilot because you don’t think it matters all that much and you basically have it all figured out? Or do you feel powerless, and confused with the amount of fake news out there about food and you’re not sure where the hell to find real information? The answer does not lie in marketing, it lies in scientific research; geeks required.

Quick disclaimer - I’ve been through University and have a Bachelor of Science with a minor in Psychology and am trained as a Paramedic and for all of the years I’ve been out of school, I’ve become a geeky Paramedic thereby educating myself with regard to emergency medicine and the causes of our main killers.

What I find to be most useful with regard to school is how I am able to read research and make sense of it. Giving credit to where credit is due is not as easy as it seems - this is why ‘that guy’ or ‘my friend’s friend’ literally knows nothing, and anyone who refers to life rules from those sources, does not know as much as a person who refers to scientific journals.

Now with regard to food, I’ll be able to help you digest some of what’s out there and help you critically think for yourself. I won’t do it for you, but I’ll help you do it yourself, so bring your critical thinking, and bring your skepticism, I welcome it.

“Everything in moderation”, we’ve been told, except moderation has never been shown to be effective, i.e. reversing certain illnesses the way a specific diet has. Can you guess which diet has cured a the most common killers in today’s society? If you were able to guess, do enjoy this write-up, if not here’s a hint - it contains no animal products and I encourage you to open your mind and do some research after reading this. If this challenges you to your core and are offended, you are probably upset that your feelings and actions are in direct conflict, but that’s okay - real information will fix that.

On the topic of real news, here’s a few gems; butter from dairy in your coffee is never healthy, eggs are never part of the healthiest diet possible, and bacon is the quickest way for you to cause cancer and heart attacks in yourself. Eggs are the most concentrated glom of cholesterol you can eat on the planet and most people are born lactose-intolerant because we’re not cows, we’re people, so why would it ever be a good idea to challenge the body in such a way that it actually doesn’t want to be? In later write-ups, I’ll discuss the ‘Lac-operon’.

One thing you’ll need to do is always consider the source of research. Just because Dr. Oz or some “Doctor” or “professional” goes on TV blabbing out the benefits, of X, Y and Z or saying “the relationship isn’t strong enough to prove anything”, you have to ask yourself, who has done the research on the topic and who paid for the research to be done?

Rich people paying for research have a reason for doing research, it’s always about money, and they always get what they want in some way, shape or form due to the flexibility of statistical analysis. Rich people with money who have gone out of their way to pay for research, are also most likely to be taking advantage of nearly everyone downhill - kind of the way Trump does business. The sick-minded narcissistic ways the meat and dairy industries are run, if admitted by everyone would shudder in disbelief. The veil that has been pulled down before all of our eyes is real, and needs to be lifted.

The problem with foods is that as the research comes out, then another paper comes out to deny the ‘realness’ of the original - now who do you believe? This is especially true when it comes to foods containing cholesterol - animals products. You might wonder why animal products contain cholesterol? Because their cell walls contain cholesterol, just like ours do. Why do companies want to exploit this? Animals do not have rights the way humans do, so if companies can get away with exploiting animals and make a bunch of money doing so, and people are dumb enough to support this because they need huge amount of protein (because they don’t know how little they actually need), then my friend, you are indeed a sucker supporting Trump-like meat and dairy businessmen.

Cholesterol is needed by the human body to have strong cell walls and it’s made inside our own bodies, it’s never required to be eaten because your body makes all it needs. When people eat cholesterol, consider the fact that it is a solid at room temperature and has a melting point of 148 degrees Celsius. That means until you get to that temperature, it’s a solid - this is why it gets stuck in your arteries, and remaining in your arteries until it’s pushed into the walls or is broken down; if you’re smart enough to stop eating cholesterol.

Our bodies make what it needs, you never need to eat cholesterol, so saying certain foods have ‘good’ and ‘bad’ cholesterol is like saying cyanide, sometimes is ‘good’ or ‘bad’. We all know that ALL CYANIDE IS BAD CYANIDE, but we don’t all know that ALL CHOLESTEROL IS BAD CHOLESTEROL. We know all cyanide is bad cyanide because the effects of cyanide poisoning are very quick and easy to notice, but the effects of cholesterol-poisoning have a delayed onset - so long that many of us could never piece it altogether, and we call the manifestations of this poisoning ‘heart attacks’.

Do you know there are strong correlations between certain types of foods and certain illnesses? Do you know you can avoid the major killers in today’s society by avoiding the bad foods? It’s difficult to say what’s ‘good’ and what’s ‘bad’ because both of those denotations are subjective, but when it comes to cancer, heart attacks, strokes, the science is clear, animal products are killing you, slowly but surely - decreasing the years you get to live on this earth, and decreasing the quality of life that you live.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful, a life not fearing cancer, heart attacks, high blood cholesterol, and best of all, not fearing high blood pressure which is also called “the silent killer”? All too often you hear people say, “Yeah, my father died of a heart attack, so I will one day too”. While there is a wee bit of truth to this statement, the amount of greatly overestimated. Habits and traditions are what are subconsciously passed down to next generation, thereby the body tends to react similarly as time goes because you’re eating the same foods with roughly the same body.

But what is hugely undervalued is with a change of habits, i.e. change of food sources, comes great opportunity to change your destiny. Just because dad had a heart attack or had cancer, does not mean you’re going to have one or die from one. Even if we have cancer genetics, certain foods promote ‘cancer-genetics’ and others thwart these genes from producing cancer.

Once you remove the foods that are associated with hardening of the arteries, you don’t have to worry about hardening arteries anymore. Without hardening arteries and clogging them with cholesterol, your risk for a heart attack was just cut down to nearly to a huge degree. Food matters, food matters a lot.

There are many peer-reviewed scientific journals out there - pubmed being a great starting place, which discusses how plant-based whole foods diets are reversing diabetes and reversing clogged arteries associated with heart attacks? Did the meat-producers forget to tell you this?

If my memory serves me correctly, it was something like 84% of diabetic patients, within 20 weeks of a new whole foods plant-based diets were off their diabetic medications having fixed their insulin resistance. Diabetes is a problem of physical nature, if all or most of the sites where the sugar goes from your vasculature to your functional cells of your body are blocked with cholesterol and other fats, then you my friend are ‘diabetic’. When you clear those sites with a whole-foods, plant-based diet you have essentially cured yourself of diabetes. Animal-fats have higher boiling points than that of vegetable sources, this is why they’re problematic for us.

Similarly, this same vegan diet was proven to erode the cholesterol in the arteries, thereby cleaning up the arteries, and with regard to the heart, you’ve now decreased your likelihood of having a heart attack. The vegan diet works for both illnesses because both of these problems happen in the tubes of the body, the highway, the vasculature, arteries to be exact.

With diabetes, you remove the cholesterol and stuff that sticks to it, thereby allowing insulin to let sugar into the cells from the arteries, and with heart attacks, you allow blood to circulate through the coronary arteries more freely now that the plant-based whole foods diet has eroded away the cholesterol and other fat-soluble substances stuck into the walls thereby blocking the blood-flow.

This is where we discuss the problem with saying ‘everything in moderation’. Science can now say, with certainty that a plant-based whole foods diet will fix your arteries nearly all of the time, but no one can say that eating one piece of meat per day will allow the same progress to occur - so let’s critically think, is ‘everything in moderation’ even true? Who made this garbage up? My guess is probably some Doctor who was making allowances for him or herself!

We all love to hear good things about our bad habits, but you’ll never hear a teacher tell a student, “It’s ok that you don’t really try very often in my class, everything in moderation my dear.” So why do we give ourselves allowances based on our own wants when it comes to food? If you’re a scholar, if you’re a critical thinker, if you value your body, you need to begin asking yourselves the questions that matter; how much do I value my health - do I even care about myself, or the future? Or maybe you aren’t a scholar, thinker, or maybe you don’t care and that’s why you refuse to understand what science has proven. Again, if you take offence to this, you’re at war with yourself. Everything I write is based on science but I do not write the sources in.

When I discovered these facts, I went on a rampage, trying to help everyone, wasting my energy and burning bridges, but now I’m leaving it all out on the table for like-minded people to read. I assume we all are like-minded because everyone just wants the best for themselves and their loved ones. It might be shocking to be challenged, so I’ll do my best to maintain neutrality, but what you might discover by following me might change the course of your life and sometimes we need a little challenge, but not too much.

You can’t free an oppressor, or the oppressed with oppression itself, it must be with deliberate care and without imposing ones beliefs, it must be with information, not by force. While I could use the platform to shred fools who base their decisions not on science but tradition, instead I’m going to empower you and not make you feel stupid for being duped - because we all have been duped by the meat and dairy industry. I want to continue to critically think, and beg for you to do the same.

Did you think you had free will when you were developing your eating habits and family traditions? Did you think you chose your food yourself with a sense of ownership? Or did you just want to fit in with the rest of your family? Did you not want to disappoint your parents by not finishing food prepared for you? Did you want to be guilty of letting an animal die for you, and you denying eating it forcing your parents to throw it out and waste its life? Did you want to avoid being called and feeling ungrateful? Was trying to be a good boy or girl causing you to compromise your thoughts and feelings? Did you love zoos but ask yourself, why am I eating this animal? And why don’t we have pet cows? Why do we think dogs are cute and cows not? So many children have thoughts that are repressed and never entertained by true critical thought, this is a crime of parenting.

Now circulating all over the internet are videos of cows playing fetch with fitness balls, just like dogs fetch a tennis ball. Imagine you could watch the video without thinking that because you eat meat, that you’ll completely disregard the emotions you’re feeling of how cute the cow is, so that it won’t be hard to eat your next beef-oriented meal?

Conversely, imagine you are healthy, strong, full of energy and vegan person who can fully enjoy videos of cute animals because you don’t see them as food, you see them as sentient beings capable of feelings, social structure, language and emotion. This is just one way people differ because of food choices.

This is how people are split when it comes to cute animal videos. No self-proclaimed animal lover wants me to bring up this comparison because for me to even suggest eating a dog is the same as eating a cow, the omnivore will become so enraged that they won’t be able to focus on the conversation and they’ll begin hating on this argument before I finish the thought - likely because they’ve repressed the thought in their own mind. I think eating all animals is completely wrong and completely necessary, but is eating a cow any different than eating a dog? Not in the slightest, but facts don’t change belief systems - they polarize the crowd

Why are some people not able to accept this logic? It’s because of a little thing called Carnism. A viral belief system where some foods and animals should be looked at as food, while other animals can be considered cute and not-to-be eaten. To one, a cow might be considered cuter than a dog, and a dog might be considered cuter than a cow to some, but to the alien coming from a different planet, they would not be able to see why which is cuter because they have not been affected by carnism itself. If a cow and a dog are both animals, then they are both food or neither are food. Why does one get preferential treatment in today’s society? Carnism is to blame for why. Carnism is with a simple google search, a basic idea that meat is there for us to eat, and if we’re not eating it, we could be because we’ve conquered the world, so it’s now there for the taking; aside other important points.

Who does carnism affect? Everyone who thinks they need meat and everyone who despises the idea of people who think they need meat to survive? Who started carnism? When science got interested in food, we made some inaccurate discoveries and statements, and we’ve sort of run with that. A 200 year-old science paper by Liebig which has been debunked plays a small role, but companies who saw the profit in exploiting animal protein are the true perpetrators of this.

How do they do it? Marketing. Marketing is a genius tool that highlights the good, and ignores the bad. Marketing is telling you what you want to hear about something that has no part in offering what you’re being told it offers. Marketing also tells you that if you wear the same sunglasses as Jason Statham, that you’ll be as desirable as Jason Statham. Clearly you’ve been affected by marketing because if you put on the same sunnies as him, you’re not going to resemble Jason Statham because you are not Jason Statham, and have a different bone structure than him. As a result, the sunglasses will have a different effect on you, and more than likely you just wasted $600. Buying what other people wear won’t make you look like them, but your feelings tell you otherwise - welcome to the level of marketing - your feels. And also, he’s 5′8, sorry if you thought he was 6′1.

Feeling a certain way about something is what determines our beliefs then our actions. When people feel that they need meat, they defend their ‘right’ to eat it, instead of listening to the ways you can get everything meat offers, and be so much more healthier. Try questioning an omnivore as to why they eat meat and then prepare yourself for heaping pile of shit excuses, and subjective garbage because none it’s true or valuable.

Humans have needs for amino acids, not meat. We need some fats and are pretty damn happy with certain types of carbohydrates. When it comes down to it, we need a fuel source, and a machine to move us that turns energy into movement, we’ll call this tool our muscles, we need muscles.

Since muscles move us, we need to fuel them. What are the ways we can do do? Plants and or animal products. If we think that we need to eat cow’s muscles for energy, we should know that this is completely false. Let’s discuss why this is not optimal.

For us to use muscles for energy, we have to eat that muscle, break it down, store it, then mobilize it for energy, and this process takes time and energy and you can refer to it as a slow process. On the other hand, if we eat carbohydrates, these sources are quickly accepted by the body and are ready to be used for energy extremely quickly by comparison.

If you’ve seen The Gamechangers movie, there is a study that uses beet juice and proves that you’re going to be able to cycle longer if working out after drinking beet juice vs not drinking it at all. This is because you’re providing a high-octane fuel source vs using meat which contains much less high-octane fuel to the point we’ll just call it low-octane fuel source. In addition using protein for energy requires you to be in starvation mode and you’re deciding to break down your body because there is no high-octane fuel around, this is not optimal - this sounds a lot like chronic fatigue. Using meat for energy is not optimal, not even close.

How does beet juice then offer us the chance to have stronger, better muscles? The juice offers energy that your muscles use quickly and readily. From my time at the University of Guelph where I completed my undergrad, I took a Cardiorespiratory Physiology Lab course, and I sure am glad that I did. I learned that whatever system you challenge, you will have gains in. So, if I provide my leg muscles with energy thereby allowing them to cycle, and I challenge my leg muscles with exercise just beyond what it comfortably, there will be growth - you will change the physical structure of individual cells. This means that the next time you challenge these muscles in the same way, the work that was 10% beyond your comfort zone, next time is 9% beyond your comfort zone, which means you have experienced 1% growth.

How did this growth happen? You fed your body what it needed for growth to occur. Did you need meat for this growth to happen? No, you needed essential amino acids. Amino acids that are made by plants. All amino acids are made by plants, and so many plant sources contain every single amino acid. As long as you’re challenging your body beyond it’s comfort zone and you’re feeding it the building blocks it requires for growth, growth will happen. Animals are not required, amino acids are, amino acids that can all be provided by plants.

The difference between vegans and omnivores is that vegans say, “No, it’s not ok for us to exploit animals for any reason”, but omnivores don’t want to discuss this matter because they feel that meat is required, so they do not fully allow themselves to empathize with what they’re eating, if they did, an omnivore would not be able to eat the cow, pig or chicken.

If it comes down to taste; what a greedy reason it is to kill a sentient being taste is? If it comes down to nutritional needs, saying you need animals to be healthy is a lot like thinking you need to only breathe oxygen from Nepal, because only Nepalese oxygen provides me with what I need. False! If we’re eating food and getting enough amino acids from a plant-based whole foods diet, is it in any way deficient compared to amino acids from animals? The answer is no, and additionally, you’re not priming yourself for cancer, heart disease, diabetes, other cardiovascular disorders.

Just a few thoughts maybe we should revisit. Were you given a choice between eating meat and not eating meat? When you were 5 years old and could conceptualize that you’re eating another life, did your parents sit you down and ask you how you felt about it or even talk to you about it? Did they even bother to tell you that you’re eating a sentient being capable of thought and having feelings? Do you think your parents had a clue about what they were feeding you beyond whatever food guide was popular at the time? Did you know that food guides are based on financial relationships and not what’s actually best for your body (until recent history in Canada)? Does this information enrage you the way it did to me? Do you know what government subsidies are? Does it make sense that you can find burgers at fast food joints for super cheap which contained the life of an animal, but can never find a ridiculously cheap head of broccoli? In fact, have you ever seen a cheap salad at McDonald’s? No, and you never will, because there are no government subsidies for lettuce or anything that goes in a salad. The government is in bed with whoever pays them the most money, and due to the fear that people have regarding becoming protein-deficient, 98% of people are afraid to turn their back on meat and dairy. I did this is 2014 and to this day, it’s been the best choice of my life.

The interesting fact is in the 1950s and 1960s, the FDA artificially increased the amount of protein ‘needed’ to sell more dairy and meat. Especially after Babe Ruth died of throat cancer due to smoking. At the time ‘Doctors’ were claiming cigarettes weren’t bad for you or cancer-causing, the relationship ‘wasn’t strong enough’. The baseball community should all be vegan for this reason alone.

If we’re human, always been and always will be human, then out there somewhere is a perfect diet for us, but what if we’re too afraid to eat the healthiest diet for us because of scare tactics used by the meat and dairy industry? Wouldn’t that be sad, maybe even criminal? I think so, but you only have yourself to blame once someone informs you or you read this.

I want to discuss the process of cooking food, but I want to get into that next time, the idea of what’s on the label, vs what’s on your plate after you cooked the carcinogens into it, and the vitamins out of it.

Ask yourself, what is the meat and dairy industry doing for you, aside from providing you with a much-less-than-healthy source of calories? They’re providing you with cancer, cardiovascular disease, double-standards, an emotional haze and basically, you work for them while they make you sick - this sounds a lot like the exploitation of you, the consumer. You think it’s time to wake up yet?

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queenofeden · 5 years ago

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surprise!! day 4 is oops all julians!

Day 4: Fisting

Pairing: Julian Devorak/Female Apprentice

Word Count: 3020

Summary:

His hands will always be his best instrument.

✨ My Ko-Fi // Read on AO3 ✨

“Another, I want another finger.”

Two of his long fingers already slide easily in and out of her. Laurel shakes, her hair a tangled halo against the pillow. Julian bites his lip and slips his ring finger in alongside, stretching her on the girth of them, gently scissoring her apart. A deep groan of appreciation leaks out in between her heavy breaths. Julian strokes over her clit with his thumb on every thrust, the pressure irregular and not nearly enough to make her come yet, just enough to keep her right on the edge, walking the delicate tightrope of prolonging her pleasure as long as possible.

She shudders, his thrusts just grazing the raw bundle of nerves inside her. Already it’s not enough, she wants more of him, can’t get enough of him.

“More, Julian, I need more.”

Cool lips press a single kiss against her knee. “Do you want my cock?” he asks, voice rough, face shining from the exertion.

Maybe another night she would have said yes, would have let him guide his cock into her and fill her up, let him fuck her so hard the jut of his hips leave bruises against her ass. But his fingers feel so good inside her, cool and long, reaching and spreading her in ways his cock can’t, no matter how talented with it he is. His hands will always be his best instrument, one of her most favorite features. They captivate her, strong and sure and powerful, yet capable of so much gentleness. The privilege of having something so beautiful inside her is one she can’t bear to lose, not just yet.

“No, no. More fingers, just keep fucking me with your fingers.”

“You’re sure?” he asks, his rhythm stuttering briefly. “Are -- are you wet enough for that?”

She doesn’t so much roll her eyes, but her eyes roll up into her head as he pushes in with a particularly forceful thrust. It accentuates the utterly obscene noises her soaking wet cunt makes around him. Besides, she’s taken four before. Once. The stretch had burned at first, certainly, but when it passed it had been good, so, so good. Better than good. She wants to feel that burn again.

“I’m sure, please.”

His fingers pull out, leaving her momentarily bereft of his touch while he sucks them into his mouth, slicking them with saliva. Being left empty feels unbearable. She whines, filling the few seconds it takes for him to curl his fingers together, all four of them, and slip them back in as one. It does burn, just as she remembered, but she swallows the feeling down, letting the natural chill of his fingers soothe her from the inside. Soon, pleasure with only the barest hint of pain sings through her veins, lighting her up from the inside. Her body melts into the mattress.

“Oh, yes, yes, that’s it. Thank you, Julian, thank you, fuck--”

Laurel sucks in a sharp breath as the bony ridge of his knuckles catch and press at her hole. Her whole body tingles, as if static dances all over her, prickling heat at the base of her spine. She keens, driving her hips down onto his fingers with fervor, wanting to feel that same shock of pleasure again. And again. And again.

“Careful now,” he says with a strained chuckle. He lays his unoccupied hand on her hip to still her. “That’s practically my whole hand in you, I don’t want to hurt you.”

Oh.

Oh, his hand.

The image rockets through her, making her shudder in place. Her hand scrabbles for his, nails digging into his wrist.

“Please,” Laurel begs weakly. “Oh please, Julian, Julian, honey, yes, put your whole hand in me, please.”

Four fingers deep in her cunt, he pauses, startled into stillness. The hand pressing her hip, pinning her, drifts away.

"Say again?" he asks, voice higher than she's ever heard it.

Frustrated, desperate for renewed attention, Laurel fucks her hips down on his fingers herself.

“Put your hand in me, Julian, please.”

“Hnng...” he seems to whimper. His shoulders tremble. “That’s, yes, that’s what I thought you said.”

“Do you--” With a great amount of effort, she props an elbow under herself, staring down the length of her body at his stunned expression. “Do you not... want that?”

Julian blinks, eyes wide. He looks almost fragile for a moment, jumpy, like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. “What? No! No I -- I don’t? Not -- I do. I do want that. If you do.” He shakes his head, hair flopping over his red-stained eye, and fixes her with a sweet, soft smile. Her heart gives a fond lurch. “Don’t mind me, darling. You only, uh, well, you surprised me, that’s all.”

Laurel tugs her lip between her teeth, feeling her chest flush with embarrassment. “We don’t have to, I only -- perhaps I got too carried away--”

“No! No, no, no.” He tries to surge forward, to kiss her, surely, but forgets that his hand is still knuckle deep. She hisses when he moves too quickly, then cries out when, in a panic, he pulls himself free of her entirely too quickly. Her whole body shudders, hole clenching and unclenching around the harsh emptiness.

“Julian!”

“Oh, oh, I’m sorry, so sorry,” he mutters, looking deeply apologetic in the face but then, yes, shaking slightly with suppressed laughter. He kisses her as he’d previously intended -- from her temple down to the corner of her own reluctant, half-smiling mouth.

“Well, we certainly did a bang up job of killing the mood, didn’t we, my love,” she teases, with no real heat behind it.

Chagrined, he lays his dry hand on her waist. “Not killed, I think, maybe only… lightly stunned?”

She lifts an eyebrow.

“Knocked unconscious then.”

“Is that so?” Her arms twine around his shoulders, pulling him close, pressing their foreheads together. His is still tacky with cooling sweat. “In your professional opinion then, Doctor, is there anything we can do?”

This close, his features are blurred. Her eyes dart rapidly between them, bringing one into focus at a time. His nose bumps against hers, grin flashing. “Oh, I think so,” he drawls. The touch at her waist trails upwards, brushing, purposely tickling, against the side of her breast. When Laurel gasps, opens her mouth to admonish, he swoops in to cover her lips with his own.

Laurel can taste that insatiable smirk, feel the press of teeth against her lower lip even as he guides her in their kiss, utterly unhurried, cupping her cheek in his palm, his thumb coming to stroke gentle sweeps across her cheekbone.

They part eventually, her first, him chasing her with small, lighter kisses, until finally she breaks with a soft snort, pushing him away by the cheek.

“And what method was that?” she asks, fingers brushing an errant curl from his forehead.

Julian shrugs. “Mouth to mouth resuscitation?”

“Oh,” she giggles. “You’re terrible.”

“Terrible, yes,” he says, curling an arm around her waist to pull her into his lap. Surely he can feel the hot, wet slide of her sex against his thigh, but still he asks, lips pressed to her collarbone: “But was I successful?”

“I believe so,” Laurel groans, letting her hips roll against his leg in search of friction. “Thank the gods, it’s a miracle of modern medical science!”

Julian grips her firmly by the ass, helping guide her slow, sinuous movements. He glances up at her through his curtain of auburn curls. “What can I do now?”

He looks so earnest, so eager to please. For a moment she thinks of leaving the topic be, letting him fuck her with his cock as he’d offered. It would be wonderful, that much she knows, yet still she can’t shake the image she’d conjured, the craving that, now spoken, would never leave her in peace until it was satisfied.

“We can table it, if you like--” she starts. Her hands reach down and take his, bringing them up to her lips. She kisses the knuckles of his right hand, smelling the faint, lingering smell of her own arousal on his fingertips. The coals of desire that burned low in her gut, now stoked and flaring once more, fill her with warmth. “But... I still very much want to take your fist. If not tonight then… someday. Soon, preferably. If that's something you find yourself amenable to.”

Perhaps it’s cheating to take one of his fingers into her mouth, but whomever it was that said all was fair in love and war must have known a thing or two. Julian shivers in place, practically vibrating out of his skin, watching her watch him with eyes like molten silver as she laves her tongue between his pointer and middle fingers.

“Yes,” he breathes, a whisper so quiet she nearly doesn’t hear.

She pauses. “Yes?”

“Yes,” he repeats, taking his hand back and kissing her again. “I want to -- I want to see you take it. I want to fuck you with my fist.”

Hearing him say it aloud strikes her like a bolt of lightning. That same electricity she felt before lives inside her now, driving her forward with a hungry moan.

“Thank you,” she mumbles, tasting salt as she licks and kisses his throat.

The rumble of his laughter tickles her lips. “Your pleasure is my pleasure.” His palm strokes her back, a broad up and down sweep. “I want to make you dizzy with it.”

Even thinking about the size of his hand in the abstract makes her shiver with anticipation. “Please,” she gasps.

Laurel lets him ease her back down into the blankets, drawing her legs up to give him unabashed access to the core of her.

“You’re still so wet,” he marvels, trailing his fingers through the slick at her entrance. “Not quite enough, though, for this. Get the--”

Blindly, she reaches beneath the pillows for the stoppered bottle of oil and tosses it haphazardly in his direction. She hears the smack of glass on skin, and glances to see him rubbing his chest tenderly.

“Yes, thank you.”

He coats his four fingers liberally, letting the oil drip down until the whole of his pale, freckled hand is covered in a light amber sheen. Then he pours the same oil down her cleft for good measure. The coolness makes her hiss as it strikes her clit and rolls downward, scooped up by his fingers and massaged into her folds, into her entrance. Luckily, his earlier ministrations make things much easier, her body accepting all four of his fingers again eagerly. The only resistance comes when once again his knuckles butt up against her hole, pressing with gentle insistence.

“Try to relax,” he coos. With his other hand he begins to stroke her clit, so hard and swollen that at first his lightest touches threaten to simply skip off.

It feels like hours, days pass. Her body seems to bob like a cork, drifting between the gentle rock and twist of his hand, the rub of his fingers on her clit.

Slowly, so slowly, it works. Her body responds, opens at last under the sweet pressure. She bears down desperately on his hand until the widest part at last breaches her entrance with an almost-too-easy easy slide, his thumb tucked neatly inside the curve of his hand.

"Oh gods," she whimpers.

At the same time, Julian says, "Yes, that's it."

With one final push, the heel of his palm slips inside with an obscene squelch, and he stops, apparently marveling at the sight of his hand, his whole hand, fully seated inside her at last.

Laurel can feel everything, and nothing all at once. The scratch and softness of the sheets below mean little, her flesh a mere vessel for the unbearable, the pure amount of sensation currently clashing inside her. The stretch of her hole around his wrist -- his wrist -- every subtle movement, every pound of his pulse echoing through her throbbing body, is too much. When he shifts, ever so slightly, she can feel the tickle of his arm hair against her sensitive folds and the realization, just the mere thought of what that means, drives her into near hysteria. A laugh bubbles unbidden up and out of her chest. The laughter makes her clench hard around his hand, turning the sound instead into a choked moan.

Julian moans as well, blinking down at her with awe. "Ohh, that felt -- My god, Laurel, can you do that again? Clench around my hand again?"

With a whimper, she does. Julian curses under his breath. She is so full, she is as full as she has ever been, and still she wants more. She wants him to move, to touch her, to make her come just like this.

"Julian…" she mewls in a voice that is both her own and entirely unrecognizable. His wide eyes flick up, away from her cunt for the first time since he entered her, and lock with hers. "Please move, I can -- please. Please fuck me.”

“Okay. Okay, yeah, yes, okay.”

Ever so gently, he begins to rock.

Laurel has never been shot out of a cannon before, but she imagines it feels much the same as this: Weightless and on fire simultaneously, the inexorable descent into the unknown as she falls, deeper and deeper, further and farther, knowing that her landing will blow her to pieces. Her whole world is centered in the apex of her thighs, where Julian thrusts with the strength of his whole arm, gaining speed as the slide becomes easier, his opposite hand still massaging her clit. Sounds drop from her lips. They may be words, they may not be. She cannot hear herself over the rush of blood in her ears, the thunder of her pulse -- his pulse -- thumping in time with every push and pull of him inside her.

She has never felt more alive. It feels like magic, the way her body thrums in time with something wholly outside of herself, yet so deeply, intrinsically a part of her. Unable to keep them open any longer, the insides of her eyelids play a riot of color. The sensation is overwhelming. It is everything. She feels her orgasm building in her too quickly. She doesn’t want it to be over, but no matter how she tries to tamp it down, her climax barrels towards her like a runaway cart and then rushes through her in a flash of pressure, searing heat, and wet.

Sound returns all at once, like a bubble popping all around her. She hears herself scream, loud enough that she hopes, distantly, that no neighbors call the guards. She hears Julian moan, hears him gasp, hears him whisper her name like a litany, a prayer, as his thrusts and strokes become erratic. He manages to lead her through it, milking her for all she is worth. She comes again in the aftermath, one smaller, less forceful, but still shaking her and forcing her to clench so tightly around him she wonders if it hurts, if it grinds the bones in his hand to dust like the pressure at the bottom of the ocean.

When she comes back into herself, it is like everything around her that had stilled in the time it took her to come suddenly moves again at double its normal speed, playing catch-up. Or, perhaps, she is the one moving in slow motion. Time can be fickle like that. She has never heard of an orgasm so intense it threw a magician out of time itself, but surely anything is possible. She is proof positive of that.

This time when Julian pulls out of her, he does so with equal care and slowness as when he entered. She is sated, content, exhaustion so deep it turns her bones to lead. Julian's fingertips make soothing tracks against her sex, every cool sweep reminding her how sloppy and gaping her hole must look now. Her body pulses, whatever last bits of pleasure left after her first two orgasms finding their match. Her thighs are drenched, and so are the sheets below her, if the coolness soaking into her skin is any indication.

Julian does not stop touching her. He leaves wet fingerprints on her hips, her thighs, wherever she trembles still that he can reach. When he takes her face in his damp hand, she cannot find it in herself to mind, allowing him to kiss her, languid and easy.

“You were -- oh, Laurel, you were so beautiful. I’ve never seen you come like that before, that was absolutely incredible! You’re brilliant.” He babbles more, but that is the amount that her mind comprehends, still working on adjusting back to the normal flow of the universe. When she looks down, she sees his spent cock, hanging limp against his thigh. His seed drips in white rivulets across her thighs and a little on her belly, mixing with her own ejaculate.

He notices her notice, and flushes deep crimson.

“I’m sorry, I should have -- I couldn’t help it, when you came like that -- I mean, god, you soaked the whole bed -- I’ve never…”

“Shh, shh, sweetness,” she rasps, pulling him away from the mess down below and into the pillow of her chest. They’ll need to get up, to clean themselves and the bed soon before it becomes disgustingly impossible, but for now, her legs are the last things that want to move or work. “Don't you dare apologize for -- for anything. You did so well, Julian. You were absolutely perfect, so, so perfect." Her shaking hand threads through his hair. "I love you so much. Thank you for that.”

“I love you too,” he mouths against her breasts, sounding as equally exhausted as she feels. His voice is barely above a whisper. “And I told you, it was my pleasure.”

Laurel can't help herself. She snorts. “Didn’t know you meant that literally."

His smile spreads against her skin. With a careful arm, he pulls her closer to his chest. “With you? Always.”

#the arcana #the arcana game #julian devorak #julian x apprentice #arcanagame #julian #my fic #kinktober2019

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