#sympathy sickness

[bellysoupset]

Sicily - Part 2

Vince's mom had taken one look at Bella's greyish complexion and promptly adopted her for the evening.

Bella couldn't be more glad, everything felt like too much and she was so frustrated that this was her first ever international trip and yet she was too busy getting sick in an airport trashcan to truly enjoy it.

Lucas was fretting, as usual, his hands never quite leaving her and Bella felt near tears as they went through the airport security and were told they still had to wait one hour before departure started.

"Here sweetheart," Magda help up a ginger ale plastic bottle, with a straw sticking out, "your poor thing, come here, let me put up your hair."

Luke had put her curls into a losing ponytail, but Magda's hands weren't as overprotectively gentle as his. She firmly pulled all the hair and tied it in a knot.

"There you go," Mrs. Monacelli said in a sympathetic manner, sat down on the bench next to her and rubbing her back, "take a sip of your ginger tea, Bella."

Bell let out a groan, wrapping an arm around her stomach and leaning forward, resting her forehead on Luke's thigh, since he was standing over them and looking frantic.

"I don't think it'll stay down," she said in a miserable voice and Maggie hushed her quickly.

"Try it anyways, Bella," she insisted, steadying Bell's hand and the ginger took a small little sip, immediately bracing for the nausea that was sure to follow.

She had already thrown up everything Lucas had tried to feed her since 6 AM, so it was to her absolute surprise when the bitter-not-sweetened ginger tea stayed down.

Bella straightened up a little bit, causing Luke to crouch in front of her, while Maggie continued to rub her back.

"Bella? Are you alright? Do you need the bin?" he had stolen a huge trashcan from outside a restaurant thirty minutes before. Bella shook her head, opening a small smile.

"No, I think it's stay down," she frowned, "I tried ginger ale, how-"

"When I was pregnant with Livia this was the only thing that worked," Mrs. Monacelli said, patting Bell's thigh, "keep taking small sips, sweetheart."

Bella tried hard not to blush at what the older woman was implying and she waited until Maggie walked back to their little group of people, promptly fussing with Leo, fixing his shirt.

"I think ma's convinced I'm pregnant," Bella scoffed, leaning her head and resting it on Lucas' shoulder when he sat down next to her. He chuckled, kissing her forehead.

"Of course she is, she's a lady in her late fifties with three kids and who never got sick except for morning sickness. Cut her some slack."

"You've got such a soft spot for her," Bella smiled, continuing to sip the horrible bitter tea, "if I throw up this tea I'm going to cry."

Luke snorted, wrapping his arms around her, "let's hope it doesn't come to that, otherwise you'll make me cry too."

"Shut up," Bella giggled, hiding her face in his chest as she waited for the painfully long minutes to pass.

Lucas' shoulders were just dropping by the time they finally got inside the plane and in their designated seats. Wendy had done the planning of seats, in fact she had done 98% of all planning, all Lucas had done was convince Mrs. Monacelli that it was absolutely his pleasure to pay for their tickets and he'd be very offended if they didn't take it.

However, Lucas had the irkling suspicion Wendy had made a mistake when she put Jonah and Leo sitting right in front of Bella and him. Across the aisle Wendy was sitting alongside Vince, his parents a seat before them and Sophia ahead, with Livia.

"I just hope I don't get airsick," Leo said, his eyes the size of saucers as he sat down by the window and glued his nose to it, "this is so exciting."

Luke smiled, reaching over the seats to mess the blonde's hair, "wait until we're in the air and you can watch the sun setting in the clouds. It's great."

Next to him, Bella let out a sigh and collapsed on the seat, curling up against the window and shivering violently. Lucas cupped her face, expecting to meet a fever, but her skin was cold and clammy.

"I'm not sick," she rolled her eyes, taking his hand in hers and kissing his palm, "just carsick, I don't know."

"I sure hope it wears off," Jonah said in a somber manner and Lucas glared at his head.

"Fuck off, Jonah," he said in a protective manner, when Bella let out a groan at the comment and curled up further in her seat. Lucas glared at the back of Jon's seat, quelling the urge to kick it. Instead he channeled the annoyance into pulling Bella to lie against his arm, kissing the top of her head and humming softly.

The first one hour of the trip was uneventful. Leo had let out a squeal when they got off the ground, causing all three of them who were close enough to hear it to chuckle. Jonah seemed cautious at first, asking in the softest of voice "feeling alright? No airsickness?" that had Lucas rolling his eyes. So much for sympathy.

However Leo wasn't airsick. If anything, he sounded annoyed as he said, "you have any idea how many trips I spent hunched over the side of the road when I could've flown!? We're never ever again driving anywhere."

"Oh no, we created a monster," Jonah teased, shutting up Leo's offended retort with a kiss, "okay, we're flying."

Lucas bit down a smile at the sight, turning his head to look at Bella. She was still pressed to his arm, but now he noticed she wasn't asleep like he had thought, but painfully awake and with her eyes shut, mouth pressed in a thin line.

"Bell?"

"I'm fine," she groaned, in a hoarse voice, "can I have some water?"

"Yeah, here-" he reached in his seat's pocket, handing her the chilled water bottle and his girlfriend didn't unglue herself from him, almost as if she was using him as an anchor.

Bella took a small sip, before screwing it shut again and holding it to her forehead. Lucas frowned, leaning in and whispering, "are you feeling sick again?"

She nodded quietly and he undid both their seatbelts, urging her up, "c'mon, baby-" Bella gladly accepted his hand, allowing Luke to pull her up and gently guide her down the hall towards the bathrooms.

The flight assistant frowned as they both entered the bathroom, opening her mouth to warn them they were not allowed, but Bella interrupted the poor woman before she could say anything by jerking forward, a hand pressed to her lips.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Here," Lucas pushed the door open, shutting it on the flight assistant's face and rushing to steady Bella on her feet as she almost collapsed in front of the toilet, barely gagging before she was bringing all the tea up in one powerful retch.

"You're alright, get it up," Lucas said softly, crouching down so he could better hold her, making sure no stray curl got near her face and rubbing her back. His large hand pushing between her shoulder blades made Bella gag again and she let out a whimper, spitting a pathetic amount of bile in the toilet and hitting the flush, wincing at the horrible suction noise that followed.

She crumpled against him, struggling to breathe, a hand open in her chest as she hiccupped and couldn't fight some sick burps, "fuck, I- I can't breathe."

Lucas' stomach froze at the line and his face suddenly felt fuzzy, but his hands were acting before his brain caught up, "you're panicking, baby, sit up straight, look up-" he pushed her back so Bella wasn't so hunched into herself and fanned her face, letting out a small relieved sigh when he could feel her lungs filling up with air under his hand still resting on her back, "there you go."

Bella spluttered, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, "I'm done," she said, her voice shot after so much heaving, "help me up."

He helped her up and to wash her face, getting back to their seats as the distraught flight assistant trailed behind them.

"Here you go, miss," the girl said, handing Bella a handful of airsickness bags and a new water bottle, "would you like some nausea medication?"

"Yes, please," Luke nodded, taking the items when it was clear Bella wasn't moving a muscle from her curled up position in the seat, "and maybe a blanket? She's shivering."

"Of course, I'll be right back."

Leo immediately turned on his seat as soon as the girl left, frowning, "Bell? Can we help somehow?"

"No," Bella groaned, leaning into Lucas to steal his warmth, "I just need to sleep this off."

"Is this airsickness or do you think it's a bug?" Leo, bless his soul, continued to prod and Luke couldn't help but be glad when Jonah grabbed his wrist and pulled Leo back sitting down, saying "leave Bell alone, Leo, she's not feeling well."

Bella refused any water when the flight assistant got back, taking the two orange pills with one gulp and curling up against Luke again, poking his rib, "sing?"

He let out a scoff, faking amusement he didn't feel when he was this worried, "of course, c'mere," Lucas wrapped her up in the blanket, opening her seat belt so she could lie almost entirely on him and started to whisper sing some old 90s song he couldn't remember where he knew the lyrics from.

He expected for the meds to help her fall asleep and it seemed like it was the case, because thankfully she didn't stir at all when the flight assistants started serving lunch and the noise level in the plane increased considerably.

"You have to eat," Vince startled Lucas out of his trance, poking his rib hard, "switch places with me, I'm finished already."

Lucas frowned, confused and Vin pointed Bella, asleep in his lap, "I can keep an eye on her, go eat," he ushered his best friend out, gently lifting Bella's head from Luke's bicep and taking his place.

Bella slept through most of lunch, which Vince was thankful for, but she woke up towards the end, leaning further in so she could press her mouth to his arm, "Lucas kill me."

"Not Luke and I can't do that, sorry," he said, causing her to jump and look up, surprised.

"Vin!... Where's Luke?" Bella frowned, glancing around, "don't tell me he got sick too-"

"No, we switched places so he could've lunch," Vince stopped her right there, "how are you, Bells?"

"Dying," she answered, reaching over him to grab the water bottle and taking a sip, leaning her head to rest it on the seat before her. Vince planted a hand on her back and waited for Bell straighten up, but instead she took another gulp of water, then another, throat bobbing dangerously.

He pulled back, looking around for the airsickness bag and fishing one out of the pocket before his seat, snapping it open, "here, don't puke on Leo's hair, god knows he spent an hour styling it-" he said in a humorous way, hoping to take her mind off of the horrible queasiness.

It was to no avail. With another sick gulp, Bella grabbed the bag and brought it up to her mouth, letting out a wet belch as the water came right back up. Vince cringed in sympathy, one hand in her back, the other steading the bag and he heard a groan from the seat before his.

"Fuck, I just ate," Jonah said, hunching over, "Bella stop."

Bella was not hearing him at all as her shoulders shook with another painful dry heave and then she managed to spit a mouthful of bile, whole body shaking, "I'm sorry, I'm- My head hurts, everythinghurts'sorry-" she slurred, tears starting to stream down the corner of her eyes and Vince started to panic.

"No, beautiful, you're fine. You're sick, it's not your fault," he said, snapping the sickness bag shut and grabbing another one, "you're empty, take deep breaths-"

Bella proved him wrong when another gag brought up hot, bitter tea all over the bag, his hand, hitting the ground with a splash. It was basically just water, so it wouldn't smell in the long run, but it did smell like stomach acid and Jonah let out a gag himself, grumbling "fucking god, stOP" and cupping his mouth.

"Here," Vince threw the two remaining bags over the seat, not worried at all about Jon's delicate stomach when Bella was crying and apologizing profusely for puking all over his hand, "no, Bells, it's okay, this is nothing-"

Jonah heaved, loudly, and Leo's voice followed, soothing him and repeating, "babe, she's not even throwing up anymore, calm down-"

Bella burst into ugly sobs, "I'm so sorry, I-I'm ruining the trip, I-"

"No, honey, you're fine, everyone's fine-" Vince replied, hating how helpless he felt about both his friends, "take a deep breath, you're just gonna make yourself sicker-"

"I got her," Lucas interrupted him, appearing right next to his seat, "move."

Vince wasn't offended with his curt manners, he had witnessed Luke in caretaker mode enough times to know his tunnel vision got bad and especially when regarding Bella. Vin quickly moved out of the way, to the hallway and noticing how many people were staring.

Wendy and his parents and sister from across the row and the poor flight assistant... Many other strangers. Jonah was still hunched over a sick bag and Vince grimaced as he realized he had actually thrown up. The plastic bag was squeezed in his tight fist and Jon's head was buried in Leo's neck as he stifled some nauseated groans, Leo rubbing his back.

"Here," Vince sighed, feeling a wash of guilt with how careless he had been too, "let me take this," he grabbed the sickbag from Jonah and the man lifted up his face, a big dark frown on, but brows softening as he let go of the bag.

"Thanks..."

"It's fine," Vince sighed, switching the bag to his left hand that was currently absolutely sticky and disgusting and using his clean hand to pass Jonah a water bottle.

Before him, Lucas had managed to quiet down Bell's sobs and unwrap her from the blankets. Her face was still red from crying as Luke picked her up, Bell letting out a moan with the movement, but not moving from cocoon in his arms.

"You and Wendy switch with us," Luke bossed, lifting Bella up and tightly to his chest as they navigated the rows of people. Wendy immediately shot up from her seat as Luke approached, crouching down next to it in order to cup Bell's face.

"Hey..." she said in a gentle manner, "give me your arm, honey."

"What...?" Bell was completely out of it as she offered her arm, limply. Wendy moved back, getting on her tippy toes to grab her carry on bag and Vince frowned, taking it with his clean hand, the sickbag still in his other one.

"I got it, here" he said, taking the pink bag and planting it on the empty seat that used to be his, was now Luke's.

Wendy unzipped it, pushing aside a bunch of plastic bottles, lipsticks and grabbed a little clear pouch, unzipping it too. She wrapped a sea-band around Bella's wrist, clicking it shut, then moved to a different pocket of her carry on, opening a medication cardboard box and popping out a little tiny pill, "under your tongue, let it melt."

"Thanks," Bella mumbled, barely able to keep her head up and Wendy shrugged, leaning in and kissing her brow.

"Feel better," she said, then to Lucas, who looked ready to burst out of his own skin, Wendy opened a reassuring smile and passed him the box, "that should knock her the eff out, but she can have another one in four hours."

"Thank you," Luke said in a tiny, choked up voice, "thanks Wen."

"No problem," Wendy zipped up her carry on back again, finally looking at Vince and then chuckling, "is that your emotional support puke bag?"

"What?" Vince blinked, taken back by the scene and having completely forgotten about the airsickness bag still squeezed in his hand, "oh... Uh, yeah, I guess it is."

She rolled her eyes, pushing him back towards the bathroom to get rid of the bag and wash his hands. Wendy had already gotten the little splash of sick cleaned up from the floor of their new seats and she was lying back, staring out of the window.

"The seasickness band was pretty crafty," Vin said, sitting down next to her with a groan, "do you get airsick?"

Wendy shook her head with a chuckle, "actually, my money was on Leo."

"Oh shut up," Leo scoffed from his seat and Vince couldn't help but notice he was blushing, ear tips turning crimson. Vin smiled, rolling his eyes and intertwining his fingers with Wendy's, tipping his head back and hoping he'd sleep the remaining nine hours of the flight.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[tranquil-turbulence]

Every time I hear the news anchors saying Brian Thompson left behind a wife and teenage children, it fills me with rage.

How many parents did his and his company’s actions rip away from THEIR children? How many children did their actions rip away from THEIR parents? How many people did he and United Healthcare fuck over without remorse, all in the name of profits?

Medical professionals and political figures and citizens alike all TOLD YOU that you were wrong, and yet you stubbornly persisted? All in the name of greed?

This is why nobody is mourning him. This is why the country is mocking and celebrating his death. This is why people are making other CEOs publicly known. People get screwed over by healthcare insurance companies every DAY and not one of those corrupt bigwigs bats an eye or feels any modicum of guilt. The people have had enough. You all should’ve known this would happen someday. In an age of unprecedented gun violence and civil unrest, this is what you asked for.

[sicklymadscientist]

Too many arms, not enough time to decide which one to cover with.

[bruciemilf]

No one look at me this is giving me so many sugar baby Bruce and DA Harvey vibes

[ninyard]

kevin day the type of guy to throw up if you throw up

kevin day the type of guy to say "guys..... i don't feel so good...." before he throws up

[strawglicks]

Misty isn't selfish for wanting friendship with toons.

Misty is selfish for her lack of consideration of toons, their feelings, their perspective. She only focuses on herself and how she has been hurt.

She feels hurt by Bessie's actions, claiming "there was no reason" for her to do such a thing. But toons and cogs are at WAR. Bessie didn't see Misty, she saw a COG approaching her and retaliated. She did not see them as an individual, she saw them as the enemy that's been terrorizing and colonizing their land. And rightfully so.

That being said, Misty did not have ill intentions approaching Bessie. Because of this, they feel hurt that she responded in such a violent way. Misty can feel hurt, but they need to understand why toons feel the way they do towards cogs. They are at WAR. And Misty just doesn't seem to realize that.

She feels entitled to play with toons and garner sympathy from them despite their ongoing battle against the cogs.

It's all about "you still tried to hurt me" and "i've done nothing wrong". Misty truly believes she is the victim and thinks she's entitled to sympathy from toons. But she's not.

Misty genuinely wants friendship with toons, which is why she feels so hurt when they reject her, even if they are right in doing so. Much of her dialogue implies she really is oblivious to the gravity of this war and why the toons, obviously, don't want to engage with her:

Misty may want to befriend toons with no bad intentions, but that doesn't erase what the cogs are doing to the toons' land. And the toons are still justified in fighting Misty. She is a cog at the end of the day.

Misty is so focused on her own, personal pain that she is completely disregarding that a WAR is going on. She disregards what the toons endure due to Cogs Inc. and thinks, just because she doesn't personally hate toons, that they owe her friendship.

I think Misty is probably the main reason for the fandom's villainization of toons and woobification of the cogs. But it's not the fault of how she's written, it's the fault of people who feel bad for a character and suddenly think all their morals have to align with that character. Now, they all have to adapt to Misty's way of thinking: that she is an innocent victim who has done nothing and doesn't deserve any of the treatment she's gotten from toons, and that toons are just evil monsters who attack her for no reason.

THIS COULD NOT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

You can enjoy a character, like Misty, and feel bad for her. It's obvious there is some real suffering happening here, but it does not justify her view or lack of consideration for others. They are so focused on their own pain that they never think of others. They are so focused on being the victim that no one else can be a victim.

This line of thinking is so flawed, and when a big chunk of fandom REPEATS it, it leads to wild mischaracterization and woobification of. colonizers.

You can like characters who are bad people and disagree with their actions. Misty is not a good person. I think they are suffering, they are hurting, but that cannot be the end of the story. There are others, like the toons, who are suffering and hurting as well. And that should not be erased for the sake of your blorbo. You can still love Misty while condemning her way of thinking. I do myself.

There's the opposite end as well, where people acknowledge this character is not a good person but suddenly think they have to hate the character as a whole because they are morally bad.

Misty Monsoon is very flawed as a person and suffering from her own victim mentality, which hurts others as well. But I love this character. They're fucked up and just want a friend, but they're going to need to be more considerate and aware of their own poor actions if they want to earn that friendship and respect from others. Give and take.

[twomanyfandomshelp]

I watched Scott’s Real Life video first because he and Joel are the main two I watch, which is ironic because of their ongoing in-game feud and very different personalities, video styles, general vibes, etc., but I digress.

My first thought when I saw the title was “Yay, another life series!” My second thought, upon seeing Joel standing in the circle, was “Oh my gosh, Joel, three SMPs at the same time? Why does he do this to himself?” Then, after watching for a bit, I was like, “Okay, never mind, this an April Fools video, still fun though.” And then I proceeded to enjoy the silliness and binge everybody else’s videos.

Let me tell you, watching Martyn’s video before Scar’s and hearing Scar yell that he’d fallen out of his wheelchair, I was really worried, and I immediately searched for Scar’s video to make sure he was okay. I’m glad he’s alright, I bet that was scary.

On another note, do y’all consider Cleo’s win cannon? Cause I do! Go Cleo, she deserved this.

I’m kinda sad it wasn’t Joel or Jimmy though, I got really excited when I realized how well Jimmy was doing. He got, what, 7th place? The canary curse has officially been broken!

This post has gotten way longer than I intended. Oh well.

[justkillingthyme]

Hai guys. Real talk. I’m taking a break for a few days. I’ll either be back this Friday or on Thursday the 31st (for the fics and trick or treating). Sorry to say that I’m breaking my 32 week writing streak and my however many month streak of doing fandom days.

Blah blah reading and mental health stuff under the cut if you want more information.

TLDR is that I���m mentally ill and so so susceptible to getting stressed out. I haven’t felt this bad since June. Which is saying something because in June I was getting harassed every single day and had finals to do. It’s whatever

I appreciate the people that have reached out to me and put up with my constant complaining here and on my personal blog. I have problems with emotional vulnerability and can’t take anything seriously but it does mean a lot. I love you guys.

That being said I’m so serious when I say that if I don’t take a break I genuinely don’t know what will happen to me. My usual thing of projecting all my problems onto characters and brute forcing my way through the depression isn’t working so it’s either take a break and stop stressing out or killing myself and I think we know which option is preferred. Kinda have been running myself into the ground here for months.

Oh but Valerie no one is going to kill you if you just stop doing fandom days. Wrong! I’ll kill me. Blah blah long story blah blah childhood trauma I’m physically incapable of relaxing and being chill. Intense fear of disappointment plus self worth issues. Bad combination and it means that I view myself as something like a content machine for you guys and I’ll die if I don’t live up to my own impossible standards.

That isn’t to say that I feel like being here is a burden. No, I really love this fandom and the people here! I just have a lot going on in my personal life in addition to the things I promised to do here. I’m just tired, I think. Pushed myself too hard for too long and I’m crashing. I mean there are times recently that I’ve been neglecting myself just to make my own self imposed deadlines, and I’ve just generally been in a shitty mood so thanks for putting up with me.

Yes I’ll still be responding to dms and stuff but I just need a few days to like. Factory reset. I’ll be interacting but this blog will remain empty for a few days. Enjoy your peace from my bullshit and be free 💞

Generally during breaks and hiatuses it makes me want to crawl out of my skin and die when I can’t talk to people. But I also feel like dying when I am posting. So.

Might just come back Wednesday if I feel too awful about not doing fandom days. I don’t trust myself to stay away from here. The torture sphere has a sort of je ne sais quoi you know.

[thescarletnargacuga]

Me: I wanna write!

Work: no

Food poisoning: no

Sleep: no

LIFE: no

Me: oh...😞

[bellysoupset]

yo dude i know you just worked your ass off on that vince fic (i can tell bro bc holy shit, like i genuinely think thats my new favorite all time fic i'll go back to for years to come), but rn im just so 🤩🤩 rn with the idea of the football boys playing a game, like maybe a little for-fun game of football, maybe they go to a recreational basketball/baseball field to play a little game that isnt football in their freetime, and someone gets hurt or sumn? damn idk what it is with me and suggesting seeing these boys hurt but GODDDD ITS SO 🤩🤩🤩🤩 (also probably vince wouldnt be the hurt one, as he just got absolutely smushed. he may not even be in said setting bc he's still having to not do anything due to the last fic, if everything is in chronological order)(IH MY GOD WHAT IF VINCE WAS STAYING WITH JONAH AND LEO AND LEO WAS OUT PLAYING THE GAME WITH THEM AND COMES HOME HURT AND THE TWO ARE LIKE "damn not you too")(if you decide to go thru with this ask, please dont feel rushed bc i dont want you to get burnt out yk? take your time 💪💪💪)

"Finally, I see the sun," Vince groaned, causing Leo to roll his eyes.

"It's been literally ten days, you drama queen," he said, removing his baseball cap and pushing his hair back, away from his sweaty forehead, then planting the cap back down, this time facing back.

"Ten days of captivity," Vince said, dramatically rubbing his good hand over his face, "is good to be out of jail."

"I'd like to think my food is a little better than jail's," Leo scoffed, turning around and walking backwards towards the field, "are you sure you wanna stay and watch? Doesn't sound very fun to me."

"I was going stir crazy in that apartment," Vince winced as the limping pulled on his wounded side. He was definitely dosed up on painkillers, but there was still a dull throbbing on his side that the drugs couldn't chase, made worse by all the hopping around, "even sitting and watching you guys play is better fun than watching another episode Rachel's bad romantic decisions."

Leo grinned, turning around so he could run ahead and join the remaining guys on the field and Vince took his time limping towards the bleachers. His shirt was covered in sweat by the time he sat down.

He didn't know all the players. Leo, yes, Spencer and Mikey from the team too. The other people he didn't know, it seemed they were an weird rag tag team of people's various acquaintances. By the way Leo waved to some of them, he guessed they were colleagues from the law firm.

It didn't matter, Vince was just overjoyed to be out of the fancy apartment and smelling freshly cut grass, with the sun shining down on him. He had not been made to sit around, there was too much energy running through him during all hours of the day and the worst part of this whole accident had been no longer being able to hit the gym or the field or, hell, he'd even take Wendy's hot yoga classes at this point.

"Hey!" Luke's voice startled Vince and he turned on the hot stone bleachers in order to see him. Luke jogged closer, "good to see you out of bed."

"You have no idea," Vin nodded, studying his best friend, "you good? Bella said the bug was brutal."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Luke had a huge smile on, much like Vince he hated lying about, although he looked a little paler than normal and his voice was scratchy, "wish us luck."

"Make them cry, captain" Vince teased, raising both thumbs up, his left one cradled in his chest since his arm was still resting on the sling.

Lucas tipped his baseball cap in a cowboy-esque way, "you got it, man."

They were playing baseball and Vince didn't much care for it. It was much too american for him, aside from football he had always been more fond of soccer, something he had in common with Jonah. In fact, Jon had proved to be a bit of a soccer addict, Vince had found in the past week living with him and Leo. He knew all the leagues, yelled at the TV and got sullen when his team lost. It was quite amusing to Vin that, for once, he wasn't the one with the blood pressure skyrocketing through the roof.

He leaned back lazily, barely paying attention to the game, enjoying the warmth. Now that he was sitting down for a bit, the ribs' aching had quieted down.

For the next two hours he watched his friends sprint across the field, shouting at each other, ignoring the yelling from the opposite team. Vince blamed it on the drugs and the sun scorching down, but he was feeling sleepy in no time. He cursed at it, it was such a bummer that everyone else was right and he needed to rest, when all he did was rest now.

"Time!" he heard Lucas say, voice booming. He had that characteristic about him, where he could speak loudly and be heard by everyone without looking like he was screaming.

The group dispersed and Luke jogged back to where Vince was sitting, Leo close behind him.

"Are we winning, son?" Vince teased, causing Lucas to chuckle and shove his knee.

"Didn't make 'em cry, yet, but we're winning," he said, competitiveness rolling off of him. He glanced past his shoulder and frowned, "why are you pouting?"

Vince looked away from Luke, to Leo, and raised his eyebrows. As Lucas said, the blonde had a big frown on and he was squinting at the grass. He angrily rubbed at his forehead, "I don't... I don't feel so good."

"Shit, LU-" Vince shouted, using his good hand to shove Lucas' arm, who leaped forward just in time to catch Leo as his knees gave up.

"What the fuck?!" Luke squealed, his voice breaking. He grabbed Leo by the armpits, manhandling him to sit on the edge of the bleacher's step, "Leo? Leo, c'mon, open your eyes-"

"Not fainting," Leo slurred, pushing Lucas' frantic hands away from his face, "nauseous."

Vince grimaced as he scooted closer, having to prop all his body weight on his right arm in order to lower himself to the step under his, where Leo was sitting. He grabbed Leo's shoulder and then moved his hand up to his neck and cheeks. Despite the fact his cheeks were blazing red and his hair still damp with sweat, his cheeks were dry and his skin felt cold, "oh kid," Vince sighed, "I think you got heatstroke."

Lucas, still looking nervous, cupped Leo's face too, hunching on himself to look him in the face, "aww, why didn't you say anything?" he asked.

Vince watched as Leo's throat bobbed dangerously and he glanced at Luke, "I think you better move..."

He barely had time to say this and Leo was folding in half, vomit jetting out of his mouth and covering the grass under them. Lucas jumped out of the way just in time, but not quick enough to avoid getting the tip of his sneakers covered in orange sick.

"Shit, Leo..." Vince sighed, holding on the back of his friend's muscle shirt, "okay, get it up, you'll feel better in a bit... Luke, can you drive us back...?" Vince voice trailed off as he realized that Lucas had a hand holding Leo's shoulder, but the other one was firmly pressed to his mouth, eyes shut, face pale, "uh... Luke?"

"Sorry-" he said in a muffle manner, then let go of Leo and staggered away from them, bracing against his knees and retching.

Leo groaned, almost falling off since Luke had let go of his arm and Vince squeezed his shirt a little tighter, "don't worry about him, he's fine..." he said, while Leo coughed up another round of brown liquid, "you're fine, right?!" Vince said a little louder and Luke raised a hand, thumb up, while still gagging mercilessly.

Leo spat, then leaned back and almost fell, his head meeting Vince's wounded shoulder and causing him to bite down a scream. He breathed through the pain, as the poor man groaned and leaned his head against his bicep.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I just-"

"It's okay, you can't help it," Vince said, voice strained, "we're going home, just- Here," he winced, reaching back to where he had been sitting and grabbing a water bottle, "take some sips."

"Won't stay down-" Leo groaned, taking the lukewarm bottle and then looking up as Lucas' heaved again, this time managing to bring up a pathetic amount of puke, "is he okay?"

"He's fine," Vince said, rolling his eyes, "drink your water."

Ahead of them Lucas straightened up, belching deeply into his fist and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, walking back to them, "sorry..."

"Since when you get sympathy sick?" Vince asked, while Leo took the smallest sip of water, gagging around the bottle's finish.

"I guess I'm not feeling a hundred percent still," Lucas' cheeks turned pink and he rubbed at his chest, "I'm better now, don't worry."

"Not worried," Vince lied, while Leo let out a moan again, hugging his stomach.

"This is awful, I feel really dizzy..."

"You just need to lie down in a cool place, get some electrolytes in you," Vin rubbed his nape, then glanced at Lucas, "can you drive?"

"Yeah, of course," the brunette nodded, although Vince wasn't feeling very reassured by how milky white Lucas looked. Sadly, there was no other option.

"C'mere," Lucas said, carefully side stepping the puddle on the ground and looping an arm around Leo's waist, "lean on me."

"I'm sorry I made you sick..."

"That was on me," Luke waved him off and Vince gestured for them to go ahead, since getting himself out of the bleachers was a struggle on its own.

By the time he reached them, Leo was sitting inside Luke's car, with the a/c blasting, while Luke was leaning outside of it, an arm wrapped around his stomach.

"I'm fine," Luke said preemptively, "I should've listened to Bell," he let out a sick burp, spat on the gravel and kicked the little rocks to cover up the mess, "really, stop looking at me like that."

"I'm just worried," Vince shrugged, or tried to, only to hiss as it pulled on his shoulder and ribs, "I can call Wendy if you can't drive. She's got the day off..."

'I can drive," Luke shook his head, "I just overdid it with all the running around and the mess..." he gagged fruitlessly against his hand, "I'm good."

"Clearly," Vince agreed sarcastically, then limped to the backseat.

Leo was slumped on the passenger seat, head leaning back, taking some deep, measured breaths.

"Hey, kid," Vin reached in and squeezed his arm, "just hang in there, this is going to pass soon."

Leo nodded, but he still looked dangerously pale, lips pressed in one thin line.

The drive was uneventful, Vince glancing nervously from Leo to Lucas and wondering how their evening had downgraded so quickly. Just as they got close, Leo suddenly hiccupped, slapping a hand over his mouth as a burp slipped out and with the other one he pushed Lucas' thigh "pull over-" his voice was muffled, punctuated by another belch at the end and Luke cringed, turning on the sign and pulling to the side of the road.

At least it was an uneventful Saturday, so the street was almost empty. Leo pushed the door, but didn't even have time to get out. He stuck his head out and coughed up another stream, letting out a whimper.

"Aw, kiddo..." Vince sighed, shoving himself in the space between the driver's seat and passenger one, so he could grab the back of Leo's pants and keep him sitting down. Lucas was no help, despite the guilty expression he had on, he had pressed his forehead to the steering wheel and was gulping nervously.

"It hurts..." Leo groaned, coughing and panting, "my head hurts so much."

"I know, I'm sorry," Vince said unhelpfully, rubbing his back, "get it up, Leo..."

He heard another pitiful whine and then more hurling, followed by a sigh, "I think... I think I'm done."

Or empty, Vince thought, keeping his hand on Leo's back. He glanced at Lucas and cringed. His friend's face was firmly in the gray territory, jaw clenched.

"Take a deep breath, I bet the carsickness isn't helping your situation," Vince said, squeezing Leo's bicep and fighting the anxiety inside of him. He hated not being able to help. He should be the one driving.

"I'm good," Leo slammed the door shut, "I just wanna get home."

"Just a couple minutes," Luke mumbled, his voice all thick and weird, "sorry, I-"

"It's okay, Luke," Leo said tiredly, "Jon gets sympathy sick too, I get it..." he rubbed at his forehead, "just drive, please?"

Once they finally arrived, without another incident, Vince almost groaned as he realized now there was twice as much walking around to be done. He sucked it up, carefully stepping out of the car and offering his good arm for Leo.

"Lean on me, kid," then to Lucas, who was just stepping out of the car, "no. You're not coming in, you're going straight home. Shooo."

"How do you intent on looking after him...?" Luke frowned, despite the pained lines on his face, "Vin, I can-"

"I'm fine," Leo groaned and while Vince could feel his grip was a little too tight for someone who was fine, he knew Lucas wasn't going to be any help, "go home, Luke. I'll text you later."

"...Promise?" Lucas glanced between the two of them, torn between wanting to help and feeling too sick.

"Yeah, we're fine," Vince nodded, ignoring the throbbing on his side, "go home. C'mon, Leo..."

The blonde waved one last goodbye to Luke, then slumped against Vince. Vin could tell he was trying to be mindful not to rest his full body weight on him, but he was doing a poor job of it. He bit down a groan, wrapping his good arm around Leo's waist and resting his back against the inside of the elevator.

"Shitty day," he groaned, causing the blonde to let out a tired chuckle.

"That seems to be a pattern lately," he mumbled, face pressed to Vince's bicep, "it's not as bad as it was out there."

"Good, you just need to rest a bit," Vin reassured him, breathing deeply through his mouth as pain spread all the way up his shoulder. They all but stumbled inside the house and Leo headed straight for the couch, while Vince braced against the desk near the front door and took deep, measured breaths.

"Vin? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he lied, wiping the sweat from his upper lip, "probably just due my meds... Sit down and turn up the A/C, I'm gonna get you some water."

He didn't dare walking all the way to the bathroom to grab a washcloth. Instead Vince filled up Leo's gym bottle with cold water and then wet a dishcloth, deciding he'd rather face Jon's judgment than to walk all that distance. He limped back to the couch and met Leo's worried gaze, "I'm fine," Vince said, handing him the bottle and sitting down too, "here, lie down."

"You don't look very fine," Leo grumbled, but he was too lethargic to do anything about it. He took a gulp of the cold water and let out a relieved sigh when he rested his head on Vin's lap and the cold dishcloth met his forehead, "this feels much better."

"Uhm," Vince smiled, moving on the couch so he could put his feet up the coffee table. His sprained left foot was killing him, "c'mere, kid."

Easy like that, all the times he had done this to his own sisters came rushing back and he found himself playing with Leo's hair, combing the blonde strands and scratching at the scalp, "you're due a haircut," Vince mumbled, eyes slipping closed as he felt Leo relax against him.

"Jon says longer is hotter," he said quietly, "I've always wanted this, you know?"

"...What?" Vince frowned, opening his eyes and glancing down. Leo seemed almost asleep, the stress taking it's toll on him, "Leo?"

"Family," Leo sighed, cuddling closer and moving the wet cloth to cover his eyes, "it's almost weird to have it."

"Oh..." Vince's heart dropped and he squeezed the blonde's shoulder, fighting a smile, "well... Get used to it, Leo. This is your life now."

[skinnypaleangryperson]

Why is it that it's so common amongst fandom or consumption-based culture is to cry over how bored you are, but when there's countless amount of unofficial content being made by neurodivergent or create a fans, it's looked over or "doesn't count?"

So much of American culture is so many people disregarding the entirety of thecreativity spirit, and existence of other people and only focusing on the rich and the already successful just because that's "just the way that it is".

Because those are the only people that should be worth paying attention to just because they have that big flashing a logo on their television screen, right? Same thing for writing original stories.

This is one of the countless reasons why I no longer have any respect or interest in anyone in fandom culture because it's always the same thing.

"I'm bored, and I want my favorite media to come out with new content. All this fan content that's coming out constantly is worthless and not worth the same amount of excitement or enjoyment just because it's not official, or just because it's projected differently, not to mention the countless amount of original content that's also coming out on top of that that also isn't published by a TV screen. What a shame that that specific talent or creativity is the only thing that's worth consuming to make me feel alive. Everyone else creating around me every minute of every day can't possibly ever make me feel the same way. Now I'm just dead and bored all the time."

People like that, which is most consumers, deserve to feel dead. If you're disregarding the human life and the creativity happening around you just because you're too brainwashed to offer anybody else's attention or the same amount of respect or excitement, then yeah, you're going to live a boring life. Ignore resources and you're going to suffer the consequences.p

It screams cattle sheep. It screams that people deserve to be bored and to be spiritualess dead and lifeless and unspecial. Because when all you ever do is just consume and pay attention to only the already privileged people that you were told to are the only ones that matter, of course that's what you're going to end up feeling; bored complacent and spiritually dead, instead of taking the literal constant amount of life and creativity that happens around you.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

given that seems to be the new popular take in the fandom at large since totk got out: let the record show that I'll gladly let myself get repeatedly manipulated by the wind waker speech and be foolishly moved by its implications over rejecting space for humanity and vulnerability in the monstrous and the dispossessed, and then feeling weirdly smug about severing that fleeting attempt at connection and deem it obviously insincere

[stillthesunkenstars]

to groom or not to groom…. that’s the quastion .

[faepunkprince]

December was already on the shit list but jfc

[willowswriting]

@musicallyiinclined liked this meme for a lyrical starter based on one of my top Spotify wrapped songs. The song that was randomly chosen was i am not who i was by Chance Peña.

"I know it's hard when I'm away. I'll just hope you don't lose faith 'cause I told the truth when I said to you that I'll be back someday."