#struggling to internalize that people do actually like. care? about where i am and what i'm doing? that it like. Matters to people??

[ioannemos]

people need to stop asking me for useful information bc i don't know Useful Information okay i know Dumb Facts and Dumber Jokes. do i have plans for Christmas?? why would you ask me that?? ask me why divers fall backwards out of boats! i know the answer to that one!

[bengiyo]

Ben's Big BL Blurb

I was traveling for a few weeks, and there's no way I'm doing individual posts for every show I've been watching, so here's my thoughts on all of the shows I'm currently enjoying, in the order I'm most enjoying them.

Twilight Out of Focus

This show is fucking excellent. I'm not that keen on taking a break from our leads to see other couples, but I do like that BL continues to be the way that these guys are figuring out they're attracted to each other. Mao moving so smoothly into his boyfriend era, and knowing how he's feeling, has been excellent. I also really loved Hisashi knowing they needed to not be together all the time.

The Trainee

Jane is so attractive, and I'm so happy for Off. This latest episode was a lot of fun to watch for Ryan, because it's nice seeing him be more actively engaged in things happening around him. Pai seems far more settled now that she knows she has a place. Pah is clearly still a mess. Tae seems like he's good at what he does. Ba-Mhee falling for Judy is NOT IDEAL, and Judy is over the line.

Overall, I'm actually interested in seeing them mirror interns crushing on their mentors with two different pairings as a point of comparison. I also like how every week feels like the work goals make sense.

The Miracle of Teddy Bear

Besties, so much is happening in this show. There is daddy drama, wife drama, dead son drama, and so much more! These episodes are so long, but I'm really engaged with everything happening on this show. Job and Inn are really fucking good in this.

I Hear the Sunspot

I'm so glad that Kohei made his feelings clear, and I'm enjoying seeing Taichi figure out how to respond to them. We once again had a camping trip that did not give me what I wanted, but I did like Kohei being clear that he's still interested in Taichi. Finally, I liked the little confirmations that Kohei is taking to sign, and that Taichi is interested in that journey.

Knock Knock, Boys!

I'm so proud of Best! He has played Peak in this restrained way for so long, and it paid off in this most recent episode. I love that this story started with a gay man running from himself and his feelings, who then realizes that he can't run away from people who care about him anymore because they won't let him. I love that everyone being patient with him gave him what he needed to finally accept himself and say what he needed. I've really loved the way Thanwa tries to support Peak.

I'm also overjoyed for Almond and Latte, and I need them to fuck nasty before this show ends or I will be so disappointed. Latte is quietly one of my blorbos of the year with the way he is always clear about who he is and what he wants even as he is okay with where Almond is in the moment. They're an excellent pair.

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko

RISA IS OFF THE BESTIE LIST FOREVER! I will never forgive her for outing Hiroko to Ayaka just so she could ask Ayaka to choose her instead. Also, fuck those Bettys at the bar, who definitely know Hiroko's business, and that she's not out at work. Why talk about her to a stranger who called her senpai?? I'm relieved that Hiroko knows that Ayaka likes women now, and am curious how we move forward at this point.

I also need to know who this woman was who hurt Hiroko, because nothing makes me sadder than when we have to hide from other queers.

Mr. Mitsuya's Planned Feeding

Thanks to @isaksbestpillow I was actually able to start this on my trip. I didn't want to start a show on a trip, but I could not resist. I really love that Ishida is in his late 20s and struggling with direction and purpose after his initial plan blew up in his face. I love that he's recognized so quickly that he's developed feelings for Mitsuya-sensei, and I love that Mitsuya-sensei is open about who he is. It's about goddamned time that we saw an age gap story of this kind, because so many meaningful relationships I've had are with gay men older than me.

Takara's Treasure

This quiet little show makes me so happy every week. I just desperately need for Taishin to figure out what he's feeling, and for people to help him realize what he's feeling. Takara's my favorite kind of pretty boy: the ones who are obviously and poorly masking incredibly turmoil. I love that Taishin sees through this and wants to help Takara. Excited for him to get to take care of him when Takara gets sick.

Century of Love

I've been having a lot of fun with this show, but episode 8 felt like a huge wobble. I love that San was so committed to Vee the whole time, but the back and forth about the stone was tedious. San giving up the stone as a way to signify that he was over the memory of Vad was nice, but we didn't reconcile Vee's theft and the emotional cost of that.

Love Sea

MAHASAMUT!! WE FINALLY BEAT THAT NASTY OLD MAN'S ASS!! Mut trampling over a bullshit breakup and kicking Rak's dad's ass instead was so satisfying that it almost makes up for Mut having little identity outside of his relationship to Rake, or the terrible arc that Mook and Vie are having, over the last few weeks. I have been playing Stomp for the last few hours because I needed them to kick that man. Mut did not hit him enough.

New Shows

There's a bunch of stuff I have to sort out over the next few days. I'm not going back to My Love Mix Up TH, but I do plan to start 4 Minutes. There's also another J-BL in the grey I got some help finding called Sugar Dog Life.

Shout out to @lurkingshan for helping me watch a few things while I was gone, and also @twig-tea for keeping me apprised of which new shows I probably need to pick up.

[twig-tea]

With 23.5 finally coming out, the people are rejoicing at finally getting a high profile gl from GMMTV. But there have already been several gls airing this year, including my fav TsukuTabe, that have been flying under the radar with fandom, and in general there are more gls already out there than folks seem to think. I just know you have a list of all the gls we should be watching, please share with the class!

Thank you for the ask! How did you know I had a draft of GL recs to make at some point? [Trick question, I mentioned it to you.]

It may seem like I'm out here hating on GL because i've made a couple of negative reviews of recently airing series recently (Love Senior and Chaser Game W in case you're curious) but I actually have lots of GL that I love and that I wish were better known! Thanks for sending this ask so I am inspired to actually finish it! I've limited myself to series so that I could keep the list and this post to a reasonable length. Where possible I've listed where you can find each of these and included a link. And I've included an 'elevator pitch' summary but I am NOT in marketing for a reason, so please don't roast me too hard for my terrible comparisons. Alright, enough waffling!

Twig's GL Rec List

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat S1 & 2 (Japan, 2022 & 2024, both seasons fansubbed by @furritsubs; if you need help accessing this show feel free to DM me!)

Elevator pitch: Our Dining Table with lesbians and an even slower burn. Watch for beautiful food, acespec rep, mental health and therapy rep

What might turn some off: Extremely low heat, and quite slow-moving; warning for a disordered eating and family trauma plot (v gently handled)

Let's start with the one you've already mentioned. This is a heartwarming slice-of-life slow burn in which an autismspec-coded woman who likes to eat is invited by her neighbour, a femme acespec woman who loves to cook, to come and eat her food. It starts from a very practical place (when you love making food you need someone to help eat it), but their relationship grows as they spend more time together. The story follows them as they both move towards self-actualization in several ways: as a lesbian, as asexual, at work, with their families, with their friends, with each other. This show is so careful to say the important words aloud. And there is so much delicious cooking! Each episode highlights a particular recipe, and the food porn is real. Do not watch while hungry, but definitely watch. The found famiy vibes in this one one are also immaculate.

She Makes My Heart Flutter (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Younger lesbian friend group tries to help out (slightly) older lesbian bar owner with mixed success. I can't think of a good BL equivalent, The Moment Since feels the closest with its similar bartender/patron romance

What might turn some off: Comedic tone; short runtime; struggles with being closeted

This is a gem of a miniseries about a bar owner and an interior designer who smoulder at one another while an intrepid group of younger bar regulars (including the bar owner's neice) meddle. This series is really cute, solid, and full of sapphics! Once again found family vibes are immaculate (you may sense a theme in my faves). Run don't walk.

Fragrance of the First Flower (Taiwan, 2021, GagaOOLala)

Elevator pitch: Right-person-wrong-time/second chance romance; tonally is a little like We Best Love 2: Fighting Mr. 2nd but with an ambiguous ending.

What might turn you off: Medium heat, second chance romance means they break up once, internalized homophobia, adultery/cheating, at one point there's a creepy dude, child with autism (depicted well), ambiguous ending

At its core this is a story of a woman who can't stop getting in the way of her own happiness. This series is a little more sad than the rest of this rec list but I couldn't not include it because this relationship is so poignant. Plus there's a s2 that supposedly is to come out in 2024 so maybe we'll get our happy ending after all?

Love Greater Than or Equal to 70 Degrees C (Korea, 2019, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Ingredients but with lesbians staring at one another over beautiful tea pairings! What more could you ask for?

What might turn you off: Low heat; short runtime; ambiguous ending; like Ingredients this is essentially a long ad for the café it's filmed at.

This is a Korean miniseries about passionate tea sommeliers making really fancy tea while staring at one another a LOT. Perfect sapphic representation, 10/10 no notes. This one packs a lot of the drama tropes into its short runtime, so even though it's short it's full of butterfly-inspiring moments.

Sleep With Me (Philippines, 2022, GagaOOLala/iWantTFC/Netflix w/VPN set to Philippines)

Elevator pitch: The Truth About Cats and Dogs but the self esteem issues are handled without catfishing. BL equivalent: Hmmm. Closest I can think of is Gaya Sa Pelikula.

What might turn you off: There's some ableism (treated as such) in this show; Open ending.

Stellar GL between a late night radio DJ and an insomniac who listens to her show. One of the main couple is a wheelchair user and the show tackles ablelism and navigating disability in relationship as well as feelings of inadequacy in a relationship and how that manifests as interpersonal conflict.

Our Relationship Ended Before it Began (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Along the lines of I Cannot Reach You; the show gives both perspectives and they are held back by queer angst.

What might turn you off: No kiss (but they make it very clear both want to kiss), internalized homophobia

Really sweet miniseries about having a crush and being afraid of being hurt so you don't actually make a move. I really like the way the girl who has not dated a girl before defaults to gender roles and it throws the more experienced lesbian lol I also really like the way this show makes clear that both of them are waiting for a kiss, and that if you get in your head about things, it can get in the way of your own happiness!

Pearl Next Door (Philippines, 2020, Youtube)

Elevator Pitch: Gameboys but with lesbian vloggers.

What might turn you off: Love triangle, lots of teasing but low heat in the end, a lot of (good) conversations about mental health issues, ambiguous ending

This is the GL spinoff to Gameboys, starring Pearl from Gameboys. Pearl ends up being fought over by the two gorgeous women in the gif, an old love and a new. I love the queer friendships in this story as much as the relationships. I will say it's an open ending (that felt a bit like the showrunners didn't want to decide between ships) and definitely the love triangle features prominently but even in the face of these aspects that would normally turn me off a series I had a good time. The characters and interpersonal conflicts feel very real, and are allowed to be complex even when the show tone is comedic.

Dear Uranus (Taiwan, 2021, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Schoolgirl ensemble GL; a little like My School President but without the singing.

What might turn you off: Short runtime; ambiguous ending; a little bit of bullying; very standard romance trope execution

The first Taiwanese GL miniseries, this series was produced by a Taiwanese lesbian couple (Rabbit & Wolf)! Lots of excellent drama tropes, and incredibly gorgeous women (I think the entire watching audience fell in love with Erol.

Lily Fever (Korea, 2015, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Complete crack; YYY but with more kissing and frankly an even less coherent story.

What might turn you off: The lack of coherent plot; less a romance and more a very thirsty lesbian kissing everyone she can

This miniseries is utter chaos. Nothing really makes sense, it's all just random excuses to cause very suggestive moments (and kissing) to happen. I love so much how this series depicts women being so absolutely thirsty for one another (and yes that date isn't a typo, this series is ~9 years old). Not an "happy ever after" ending but it really isn't that kind of story.

Chasing Sunsets (Philippines, 2020, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Ocean Likes Me with lesbians. Resort romance with a mental health twist.

What might turn you off: Some of the mental health stuff gets intense, this was filmed in 2020 so the pandemic features heavily; hopeful but slightly ambiguous ending.

A complex story from the Philippines covering mental health and finding yourself. A woman shows up to a resort and befriends one of the women running the resort. They get closer as they spend time together, and the resort owner realizes something is off. There's also a BL side couple in this series.

Show Me Love (Thai, 2023, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: A little like My Day the series with lesbians, in that they work together and fall in love and it's full of tropes

What might turn you off: The advertising for the Miss Grand competition, there is some bullying and cheating (though way less than I was expecting tbh), not a lot actually happens, the editing gets a bit wonky at the end

This is essentially a massive ad for the Miss Grand Thailand competition; this GL was produced by the same company that produces that competition, and the stars are mostly Miss Grand competitors. The main pairing were shipped in the actual competition, and the company decided to make a GL about them. It's very slow paced and low-stakes, and there are better kisses than I expected considering everything I just said about where this show came from. There are a lot of cute moments!

Girlfriend Project (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Love Class with lesbians

What might turn you off: One of the leads is kind of mean in that pgitail-pulling way? It ends abruptly (but happily)

This is a short miniseries about two girls paired in a class that are assigned to "date". The chemistry is chemistrying. And there is a kiss (a good kiss, and a tiptoes kiss at that!). This show also has one of my favourite tropes, in which someone who seems like a pushover stands up for themselves and their partner finds it very attractive. For the record, in this show they are watching another GL by the same company, Love Tech.

Lulu (Philippines, 2022, Vivamax/grey)

Elevator Pitch: Present Perfect with lesbians (but with a better ending).

What might turn you off: Depictions of panic attacks, brief depiction of drowning, pandemic lockdowns, illness, exes, waffling, happy but open ending (which I actually liked for this story)

Two women trying to move on from the garbage in their lives meet at the beach of a B&B (where one saves the other from drowning) and become one another's company during their escape and then something more. They both have baggage that seems determined to keep them apart even as they continue to be drawn together. In the end, they decide to stick it out and see where they end up, with no guarantee of happily ever after, which I found very sweet. Requires either a VivaMax account or searching the grey for it, but it's worth the effort (check MyDramaList comments for suggestions on where to find it). Plus one of the leads has a cactus as a pet.

Welcome to the Lesbian Bar (Korea, 2023, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: A little like Fudanshi Bartender but without the fudanshi bartender and all of the bar patrons are lesbians lol

What might turn you off: Short, can get a little bit preachy, abrupt ending

Cute short series with different very stories every episode as different patrons visit the bar. The stories range from women who have been together for awhile, to people meeting from an online app for the first time, to someone visiting a lesbian bar for the first time; and yet the story all weaves together in a way that's satisfying though ends abruptly. Includes some solid marriage equality propaganda.

GAP the Series (Thai, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Kind of the vibes of Together with Me but lesbians and in an office instead of school. Angry boss falls for charming new intern and

What might turn you off: This one is the highest heat of all these recs; homophobia especially amongst family, brief depictions of death by car, brief mentions of suicide, cheating, bullying, abuse of power in the office.

A list would not be complete without this one! Honestly the plot is a bit wobbly but the show is a lot of fun. The girls are very cute, the feelings and tension builds really well between them, the friend group is excellent, and in the special we get a wedding.

---

The rest of these have caveats of one kind or another, but i couldn't leave them off a rec list, so here are the side couples and censored stories that are still worth your time anyway (I might do a separate more detailed post for these, as well as for films, one day if there's interest):

Nevertheless (GL side; Korean, 2021, Netflix) Not sure it's worth watching a whole kdrama for side lesbians? Search soljiwan on youtube. They are great. Even the Netflix account stans them. I watched this (ngl, I watched the SolJiwan cut) as it aired and was constantly braced for it to let us down but it did not! A really good friends-to-lovers story.

Friend Zone 2: Dangerous Area (GL side; Thailand, 2019, YouTube): These sapphics are messy and I love them. Decent conversation about dating someone with mental health issues in this series, and they're one of the only couples in this ensemble to get a happy ending. If you're just watching the lesbian couple (which you can, their story is pretty self-contained) you don't need to have seen s1.

Six Survivors (GL side; Japan, 2022, Viki) This show is a horror comedy and it is SO MUCH FUN. Warning for zombies and blood, but way less than you might think. One of the eponymous 6 survivors is a lesbian who keeps trying to convert them to veganism lol. If you watched Chaser Game W you'll recognize one of the actresses in this, the lead actress is from Kamisama no Ekohiiki, and one of the guys is from the prequel series His as well as I Want to See Only You! And yes there is a kiss. Also a surprising number of Mallrats references. Not for people who can't handle gore or relationships being complicated/not a "true love" story/ambiguous ending.

Kamisama no Ekohiiki (complicated question of is it GL in parts, Japan, 2021, furritsubs once again coming through to save the day) This one is a bit complex because there's bodyswap, but the girl who falls for the bodyswapped boy-in-a-girl's-body is clear that she is only interested in the girl. One of the better bodyswap stories because the bodyswap is not a secret for very long, so instead there's a lot of introspection about what gender means and who/what they are attracted to. Feels wrong to call this GL, necessarily, but it's very queer.

Couple of Mirrors (Censored GL, China, 2021, Viki) Story of a rich girl and her assassin girlfriend. This production did an amazing job getting away with what they could, just don't watch the last five minutes and we've got essentially a happy lesbian family.

Legend of Yunze (Censored GL, China, 2021, @douqi7s) Very cute very low budget xianxia miniseries with two seasons and a special. The special is set in modern times in a future lifetime so if you want a cute censored-but-clearly-a-soulmate-love-story this is the one for you. Don't be thrown off by the weird cuts/abrupt episode endings, that's in line with cdramas in general.

Led Astray by Love (Censored GL, China, 2021, @douqi7s) A very fun and adorable isekai story in which a modern day girl is transported to a wuxia novel setting and has to figure out how to get home, and gets romanced by the princess along the way.

And a few additional links for people who even more content:

My Indian sapphic webseries rec list

My suggestions for content with toms (Thai category that's similar to but not exactly the same as butch lesbians) in response to this post.

This really good GL MyDramaList list (not made by me!) lists what seems to be everything I've mentioned and about 200 more. Even I haven't seen a few of these!

My YouTube playlist of sapphic content: This includes anything I stumble across or find in my searches, a lot of music videos and random shorts as well as some microseries and miniseries that I don't consider GL but are WLW/sapphic in addition to true "GL" content. For serialized content, I add just the first ep. A complete mess, but you can trawl through to find stuff to watch, like Hetero!

SOONOTSUE: The same producers of She Makes My Heart Flutter have other short series on their channel worth checking out; if you liked that one, try Out of Breath!

Shakeshoulder: Thai YouTube producers of very pulpy (read: low budget and dramatic plots) shorts

FuFuKnows: This YouTube channel is owned by a gay Taiwanese couple that produces shorts every week, including some with GL mains and sides. These are very low budget but cover a whole swath of queer themes.

@douqi7s is a godsend providing subtitles for all kinds of content, including sapphic shorts and more series than I've listed here. Check their tumblr for links to all of their content; A Practical Guide to Being a Superstar's Assistant has one of the best setups to giving us great moments in the guise of something else so that they get past censorship I've ever seen; I also recommend The Vampires if you're into genre fiction, as well as Legend of Yunqian if you enjoyed the xianxia parts of Legend of Yunze. @wlwcatalogue did an excellent summary of many of the non-wuxia options here.

Quick pitch for the streaming platform GagaOOLala; it's affordable, has a ton of content, including a whack of GLs (originals, license series, and a ton of shorts), and is run by queer people out of Taiwan who care about good quality queer content being made and having an audience, and using the soft power from those successful series to support social change. And if you can't afford a subscription it's worth checking out what they have for free, they open up temporary free access to some things for various events throughout the year.

In searching for gifs for this post I found fellow tumblr user @drowningparty 's WLW compendium list; they've listed more series and films so check it out if you still need more content!

*wipes sweat off brow* that should be enough to be getting on with, but it's really just the tip of the iceberg! If there's something specific you want to see with sapphics let me know and I can tell you if I know it exists. Anyway, I hope this gives you and everyone else a taste of what all is out there! I of course always want more, I am serious about being a sapphic dragon hoarding every crumb i can get my lizardy hands on, but I do think what we have should also be appreciated more. If I missed one of your faves, please tell me!

[naamahdarling]

Today's medical update, please pardon any weirdness as I am using speech to text, and please excuse how long this is. I put an excellent picture of Fancy at the end for you. Here we go.

The shortest version is that my GP is going to try and centralize this. I have made an appointment for Monday. We are going to start over from the very beginning. New specimens, new cultures, everything.

The long version is kind of wild ride. It's going under a cut

My GP is now telling me that on two of the occasions that I went to Urgent Care or the hospital for a UTI, the records say that I did not actually have one.

This makes no sense whatsoever. I was symptomatic and I could smell it. On both of these occasions, I was told in no uncertain terms that I did have one.

I do not believe I was lied to at either facility. That means the only possibilities are that the testing was done improperly, the results were charted improperly, the records were sent over improperly, or I didn't understand what was being said to me.

At this point, with this absolute clown show that has been unfolding around me, this ridiculous circus where each act is fraught with nonsensical antics even more baffling than the ones before, I am literally unable to come to any conclusions. This is absolutely maddening.

And it's frightening, because there is something wrong, genuinely, and it might be something that they are unable to detect with the methods they are currently using. That's scary for a multitude of reasons, one of which is that they are not going to be willing or able to treat something if they do not think it exists. The other is that it opens the door to the possibility of their being further testing, which makes me violent to even contemplate. I want what is wrong with me to be simple, easy to treat, and relatively benign.

This has been frustrating, and drawn out, and I am sick of it. By itself it isn't enough to completely break me down. It's been almost unbearable when combined with the facts that I have serious concerns about the health of three of my cats, that my father seems to be worsening in his condition, that I have several other medical storylines going concurrently with this one, one of which is extremely stressful and frightening, and that all of this fuckery and running around has caused me to have to cut out most of the very, very few enjoyable and meaningful activities that are present in my life.

It has impacted my ability to be present for my partner, and for my pets, for me to sustain communication and relationships with people who are not my boyfriend or my best friend, and to simply fucking relax.

Also I can't fuck. Like, I know that this is the laugh at horny people website, but that is significant. Receiving not just physical touch but intimate touch is one of the very few ways I have of assorting ownership over my own body at this time.

I feel my identity has shifted from an internally defined "struggling person just going about their business" to an externally defined identity as a patient with a body that is sick and who must now structure their life around the demands of a system that does not care about me in the slightest, even though the providers usually do.

From the outside I know that this doesn't seem that terrible. I've spent the vast majority of this with no pain, and the times I have been in pain haven't crested a 3. If it weren't for the fact that I don't know what it is, it would be relatively trivial!

Unfortunately, because this isn't all I have going on, it's been really fucking things up. I space my appointments out so that I have time to recover between each one. I have PTSD, I have medical trauma, I have emotional reactions after stepping into a medical facility for any reason, and when things go wrong even in a very small way they can be intense. I manage this by allowing myself to have the reaction, experience all of the feelings, and come back to myself. It is a healthy way of doing things. It doesn't work, though, if I'm having to deal with one thing after another and no time in between to recover from it. This is essentially what has been happening to me for 2 months. Appointments, phone calls, messages, fixing mistakes, having to explain my history repeatedly as it gets ever more complicated. There's a lot more to it than just one appointment a week, which is already a lot for me.

I know this is something that chronically ill people deal with all the time, often for years, often for life, but the extent of it is new to me and very difficult to bear. My personality is vanishing under the weight of all of this crap. I do not feel like myself.

So yeah, sorry for rambling so much but this is just been...I don't even have the words to describe it. Nonsensical, but in an unfortunately consequential way. I've been going in circles all this time, apparently.

I don't really expect anybody to read all of this. But if you did, thank you. It means a lot to me. This place, and all of you, function as a sort of pressure relief, and a source of constant, pleasurable entertainment. I know many of you empathize with what I'm going through, and that helps me to feel less alone. That all by itself is so important.

Anyway, here's my cat.

She got to be on the puzzle table and was very smug about it.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA if I break up with my partner because I think I'm lesbian?

(🪿🫧 To recognize this) this is long, I'm sorry

I (23they/she) have been with my partner C (24they/he) for a little over a year. Some background, I grew up strict Mormon and am still struggling with the internalized homophobia from the teachings of the church. I currently identify as biromantic asexual because I have a hard time with sexual experiences. I have only ever been with people assigned male at birth, all previously cis/het men until my current partner. C identies as Bisexual and has stated previously that they don't mind never being physically intimate sexually.

Recently ive been thinking about afab or feminine adjacent people, no one specific just like day dreaming about a girls and it made me feel a way I never have before, including with previous partners. This is leading me to suspect the only reason I have a hard time with being intimate with previous partners is they were all amab or at the very least just very masculine including C.

This is where I could potentially be the asshole. C has some previous experiences with previous potential partners saying they didn't want to continue citing they're actually lesbian. This has left him super jaded. Especially after they later found out one of them ended up in a cis/het relationship the next month.

He and I have had a rocky last few months due to his housing situation and sometimes lack thereof, job hoping, and not being medicated for bipolar, and me being off my anxiety meds due to new prescription.

He has stable housing and a job now, and I have stabled for the most part myself. I did in the midst of all this bring up the possibility of just being friends due to previous issues and I tried to bring up me struggling with my sexuality. He promised to fix his issues and kind of ignored the issue about my sexuality because he didn't know how to respond to it. He kind of just explained it away.

The problem is, a lot of his friends are my friends too, we work at the same place, and he relies on me a lot for transportation and sometimes monetary help. We don't live together because I'm living with my parents until I go to school. I'm worried about losing our friends or making working together bad.

To be clear I do care about them a lot, he's one of my closest loved ones but I'm not sure it's in the way he wants it to be, and I don't like hurting them, I hate the idea of him not being in my life. He and I are both autistic as well so its kinda hard to really understand what this whole thing means or how to handle it

Any advice is also welcome

What are these acronyms?

[goodluckclove]

On Experimentation in Writing, and In Defense of Weak Words

So there's a lot of writing advice I don't like. I don't care if it's from a wildly successful career author or some random person on the internet - if anyone makes a blanket statement on how you have to craft a story, I automatically lose some degree of respect for them as an artist. The fact that so many people online refuse to acknowledge the use of I statements and find community by sharing their individual experience is tiring and annoying to me.

One frequent trend is replacing weak words with "stronger" ones. Don't say "sad"! They insist. If you say sad it's bad writing! Instead of that you should describe the slight drooping tremor of their brow! The arch of a single tear! Doleful is a synonym for sad, say that instead!

This is where I hope people realize that I am not someone who thinks no one should be angry ever. I struggle with anger issues, and this is the type of "advice" that makes me really fucking angry. But I'll try to approach this sensibly.

Prose has rhythm - that's how I see it. It's like music, and because of that there's a lot more freedom to create a successful piece if you can compose with intent. Whenever I see someone list acceptable synonyms for a word they don't like, I see someone claiming they have the list of acceptable instruments in Jazz. Like, what the hell are you talking about? Stop it.

Also, synonyms of a weak word that sound more literary also might mean something different. If you replace "sad" with any fancier synonym you might actually create absurdities in your writing that you don't intend to do. "Downcast" is a synonym for sad that relates specifically to people. "Regretful" is another one that means specifically showing regret. "Traumatic" is considered a synonym for "Sad", you understand why this isn't always the right fit.

I think it can be a good thing to explore the connection between a character's physicality and the description of their emotions, but a person can do a lot with that. People don't express emotions in very similar ways. When you see me at my most distraught, it will probably look different than how you feel. You can depict a character with any sort of physicality and decide that's what they do when they're unhappy and that can support a sense of full-realization in the reader.

Or the reverse. The scene is tragic, heartbreaking - insurmountable trauma and devastation. And in the internal narration it is said that the protagonist is sad. JUST sad? That can really say a lot about their mental state.

I am pro-synonym. I think every word evokes a feeling. I think when you are in a relationship with someone and they're visibly upset and you ask them how they're feeling and they say "I'm fine" - that's a weak word that suddenly has a lot of language.

I think when you have gone through a terrible situation that could've potentially ruined the rest of your life, and one day someone asks how you feel and you say "happy", that is a weak word that might cause you to break down weeping right then and there.

If you deny yourself any words or descriptors that doesn't sound like Fancy Real Book, you are actively amputating your language for no reason. If you only use Fancy Real Book descriptors without actually seeing if the words are truer to the atmosphere you're trying to create, you run the risk of an inauthentic finished product.

You are actually allowed to play with language and description as much as you want, or at least until you find a dynamic that suits your individual craft. If you are a newer writer I think this is something you should make an actual effort to pursue and see if it sparks something in you. For the love of god, do not limit the scope of your language in writing to what Opinionated People On the Internet say.

I say this again that a lot of the people in online spaces are the next generation of literature. And for that instinct to experiment and play to fade out just because it's 2024 and anyone with wifi now has the tangential authority of an art critic is so genuinely abhorrent to me that if I start talking about it to someone for long enough I can feel myself get a crazed look in my eyes. I need the new writers here to seriously make a pledge to develop a sense of artistic intuition as thoroughly as possible, even in the face of people who are desperate to feel artistically validated online in a way that requires very little effort.

It is hard, I won't lie. It takes a lot of work. It took me probably over a decade to get to the point where I feel like I can write with intent in virtually every medium. But I swear to god it's worth it.

[hwa-stars]

Skirt lifter (Chapter 12)

Genre: High-school au, slow burning love, fluff, mention of mature language (+14)

Pairing: non idol Park Seonghwa x fem named reader

Summary: In which Park Seonghwa is accused of being a pervert.

Word count: 1.9k

Taglist: @dinossaurz @hecateslittlewitchling @babigriin (if anyone wants to be added, please comment)

I laid down on the grass groaning, not caring of the others look at me weirdly. I enjoy the sun and the quiet of the place for a moment, today was an exhausting morning.

"You look like you're about to die."

"That's because I am." I replied still laying on the grass.

Wooyoung sit next to me, he didn't said anything for a while just watching something from afar. I sit down and looked what he was was looking.

There was a basketball game and the players were Hongjoong, Seonghwa, San, Yunho and other people, Yeosang was cheering for them and I smiled internally he is so cute.

"You don't wanna play?" I asked after a while of being in silence.

"Nah, it's boring." He shook his head. "You should come to the party."

"If you're here by Seonghwa's request, you can tell him to go to..." Wooyoung laughed.

"I'm here on my own." He replied still laughing. "We'll be there too so it's gonna be fun."

"You and I have different meaning of having fun, besides I don't know the celebrant and I wasn't invited."

"That's why we're inviting you. So what do you say?"

"I don't know." I mumbled and he pouted.

"At least think about it, the party is next week so you have plenty of time."

☆☆☆☆☆

In our third day here, each team had the task to scout 20 pounds of fruits all over the area. Supposedly, this activity will challenge our abilities to work with what we have, for a moment it seems fair until San showed us the paper that he pulled out.

"How can you choose peanuts out of all the fruits here?" Hongjoong massage his nose bridge. "How unlucky are you San."

"Now we have to scrounge for fucking peanuts?" I frowned looking at the paper with 'peanuts' write in.

"I'm sorry." San mumbled sitting on the floor.

Hongjoong and I exchange glances, feeling a little guilty for what he said to San, it wasn't his fault it was just luck what paper you take so we can blame him.

20 minutes later

I'm carrying 20 pounds of peanuts after been digging through the dirt for an hour. I willed myself to the common room while struggling to lift the basket of fruit.

"Peanuts?" Seonghwa asked looking at my basket.

"Peanuts."

"I got watermelon."

"I hate San." I said feeling jealous that Seonghwa didn't have to go through dirt.

"As you should." He replied and natched the peanut basket. "Where are they, isn't it supposed to be a group task?"

"San slipped and sprained his ankle and Hongjoong took him to the infirmary."

"Well, that suck Pororo." He laughed.

"Don't you have anything better to do Seonghwa?" I rolled my eyes.

"What's better than annoying you?" He smiled and continued walking. "Have you changed your mind about been my date?"

"I have actually."

"And?"

"I realized that I haven't expressed how much I don't want to go with you." He leave the basket on a table.

"What can I do to change your mind Pororo?" He pouted at me.

"Open all of these peanuts." I signaled the basket.

"You promise?" He asked excitedly.

"Sure, while you're on it peel the skin of the peanuts too." I said sarcastically and leave the room.

☆☆☆☆☆

After confirm with the teacher that we had already complete our task, I paid a visit to San at the infirmary to deliver the news to him.

I thought that Seonghwa will come along, but after I leave him in the room he disappeared.

"Hey." I open the door and look a San, he looked like a sad kitty. "You good?"

"Yeah a little sore but thanks for asking." He mumbled sad.

"Don't worry, I finish the activity. You can call me a peanut Master now." San let out a cute laugh. "Where's Hongjoong?"

"He went informed the teacher about what happened. I'm sorry that you had to do the task alone." He mumbled playing with his fingers without looking at me.

"It's fine, seeing you fell down, was an entertaining thing." I teased him and he smiled.

"I'm gonna let that since I can see how you work hard based on the dirt in your nails." He pointed at my hands.

"Yeah, I have tried to remove it, but I couldn't."

Suddenly, San look though the drawer next to him, looking for something and he pulls out a needle.

"Hand." He signaled my hand.

"I'm not a dog." He laughed and take my hand. "Prick me and I'll give you a bruise worse that Seonghwa."

"Don't worry I got it." He replied and focused on his task.

"Wow, you're really good."

"I should be, my older sister makes me clean and painted her nails all the time."

That statement makes my heart warm, brothers helping their sisters doing stuff with her. The closest to a brother that I have is Jongho and he was way afar from that, the door open again making the both of us look.

"Hey, Minseo." Hongjoong greeted and some people were behind him.

Wooyoung, Yunho and Yeosang entered the room settled themselves around San's bed asking if he was feeling good and I smile of how they care for him.

"We appreciate you finishing up the task." Hongjoong mentioned "How can we repay you?"

"Forget it, it's done now."

"But..."

"Where's Seonghwa?" San asked

"He said he'll visit you later, he said he has something to do." Wooyoung answered.

"Doing what?" Yunho asked.

"I don't know, but he had a basket of peanuts with him and he was cracking them." The red hair boy explained confused.

I felt that it was my responsibility to look for Seonghwa and check why he was a real dummy for doing that stupid task that I told him.

"Leaving since Seonghwa isn't here?" Yeosang asked teasing me.

"Please, he's the last person I want to see." I lied looking at the room.

"You're a terrible liar like Seonghwa." San mentioned and shook his head.

"I'm not, I was just planning to take a shower."

"Sure." The five boys said nodding their heads.

"He's in our room, it's the room #10." Wooyoung mentioned and I just nodded.

I reached to the sleeping quarters, going to the boys floor were some guys approached and started whispering lookingbat me but I ignored and continued my way searching Seonghwa's room.

"Someone's gonna get some." A boy whispererd out loud so I can hear him and I just rolled my eyes.

Finally, I reached the room#10, I was about to knock when I noticed the door was cracked open.

I took a peek and saw the guy sitting on the floor with the basket of peanuts and some sheels of peanuts around him.

"Ah, the things I do for you Pororo." He sighed and shook his head and continued with his task.

I blushed at his words, my eyes shifted to the floor where the basket now was already halfway full with unpeeled peanuts. The guilty flooded at me. I knocked the door and entered the room and Seonghwa looked at me with shock.

"What the fuck are you doing Seonghwa?" I snapped at him.

"You have been asking me that lately." He laughed and Crack a peanut. "What are you doing here Pororo?"

"Stopping you."

"From?"

"This, quit it Seonghwa! I was joking." He sighed as he rested his back on a bed beside him.

"I figured out, but I just wanted to give it a shot." He took the basket of peanuts and patted the spot next to him. "Can get these to waste."

"Okey." I murmured and sit next to him.

"Do you hate me that much that the idea of going with me at a party upset you?" He took one peanut and eat it.

"I don't hate you." I said taking one too.

"Then what is it?"

"I don't belonged in your circle Seonghwa. Just asked other person to go with you."

"I told you, I don't want to go with someone else."

"Why?"

"If it's not already obvious Pororo , I..."

The door slammed open and Hongjoong, Yunho, Yeosang and Wooyoung fell on too each other and groaned from the door.

"San you're an idiot." Wooyoung hissed.

"Don't put it on me, I'm injured." He defend himself.

"Are those our peanuts?" Hongjoong asked looking at the basket and we nodded.

"What's up roomie?" Wooyoung put an arm on Seonghwa's shoulder smiling at him. "You're looking really handsome today." He patted his blonde hair and Seonghwa glare at him.

"What are we talking about?" San sit down on a bed.

"About how dumb you're for sprainning yourself." Seonghwa snapped and I stand up. "Are you leaving?"

"Yeah, I'm not supposed to be here." I remind him, he tried to stand up but was held by Yunho and Yeosang.

"You're not going anywhere." Hongjoong held him too and they started discussing.

I walked out of the room walking down the hallway, when I stopped at the middle of the hallway and chewed my bottom lip.

I spun on my heels and started walking to room#10 again, and I knocked and waited for a response, hearing Wooyoung said 'come in' and I cracked open the door and peeked inside and the six boys turned to looked at me at the same time.

I'll regret for this later.

"Just wanted to ask if there's a theme for the party?"

Some days later

Finally we were going back to the city, I just wanted to take the bus and get out of this hell.

"I forgot to ask you, what made you change your mind?" Hongjoong whispered dramatically.

"Never think you'll be a gossip girl!"

"One of the buses has a flat tire, therefore the students of class will be evenly distributed to the other buses." The teacher announced.

When everything was settled and we where distributed, I settled myself on my seat next to the window, leaving my stuff in the free seat.

"Hello Pororo." Seonghwa smile as he lifted his suitcase and move my suitcase taking the seat next to me.

"What are you doing here?"

"Weren't you listening Pororo? There's a flat..."

"Yeah yeah I know, but where's San?"

"He took a car due to his injury." He replied and suddenly I want to had an ankle sprained. "So, whether you like it or not you're stuck with me for the next six hours."

He looked at me smiling and I just avoid his eyes looking by the window blushing when a flash greet us and see Hongjoong holding a camera.

"That's a cute photo." Hongjoong gushed before he showed us the picture.

"Why did you bring a camera with you?" I asked

"I was instructed to take some picture for the yearbook." He explained "Would you mind reviewing the pictures and check which ones are the best."

After hours of looking at Hongjoong's pictures I felt car sickness and gave the camera to Seonghwa so I can rest a little by looking at the window.

Seonghwa was so concentrated looking at the pictures, he bit his lip concentrating in every picture that he saw. Every time he found a picture he like, his eyes light up and seems that he was falling in love with every landscape picture that he saw.

"Are you checking me out Pororo?"

"Yes."

"And?" He rested the camera on his lap.

"You already know that you're handsome Seonghwa, my opinion of you doesn't matter."

[antiadvil]

what are some phancoded songs?

okay i have been sitting on this for a while bc i feel like all of my suggestions are basic but i've been emboldened by the recent phan song posting. a lot of the songs on my phlaylist i added because i associate them with wad/ii/etc but here are the ones i can actually lyrically defend:

the tortured poet's department (taylor swift): look. this song is way more toxic than i usually like to imagine dan and phil. but some lyrics are just SO. look.

But you're in self-sabotage mode Throwing spikes down on the road But I've seen this episode and still loved the show

imagine: it is 2010. dan is saying he doesn't know if he and phil should move in together because phil makes him too happy and complacent in life. self sabotage mode!! throwing spikes down on the road!!

Who else decodes you? And who's gonna hold you like me? And who's gonna know you, if not me?

like. when you just click with someone. and you're like: this is it for me. if they leave me i will never love or be loved again. one of the things i like about this song is just how intense it is- i think it captures the intensity of their relationship (especially their early relationship) or at least, the intensity i feel about their relationship lmao

I chose this cyclone with you

this is probably my favorite lyric on the song and i think it's something many mentally ill people want to hear from our partners: you're an intense, dramatic mess, but you're my intense, dramatic mess, and i love you.

they don't know about us (one direction): okay this one is a little more self explanatory and like, thank god, because if i go to that level of depth on every song i'm going to be here all night.

They don't know about the things we do They don't know about the I love you's But I bet you, if they only knew (They don't know) They would just be jealous of us They don't know about the up all nights They don't know I've waited all my life Just to find a love that feels this right (They don't know) Baby, they don't know about, they don't know about us

like. you get it right? it's just. it's just them

that's so us (allie x): this one is sooo basic but i just had to put it. "we've been a wreck together since 2009." <3333333333

danny don't you know (ninja sex party) just has some really crazy parallels lmao, i saw someone use its lyrics once for a gifset and i was never able to unsee it:

Hey little Danny, don’t you cry I am you from much later in your life I know your hair is wild, I know you have no style

Danny, don’t you know that you are cool as fuck on the inside? You’re just going through an awkward phase from 12 to 29

Now you’re on tour and they want more! You step on stage and they come alive No one cares that you’re 35 You’re a rock star on a centaur! Where'd he get a centaur? You’re still a nerdy kid inside But now you’ve finally found your tribe Hear the crowd roar! Give ‘em what they came for!

like!!! they even got the hair!!! (dan has always had a sense of style though i think. not always a good one. but he had one)

sinners (lauren aquilina): this song just reminds me a lot of how dan talks about his internalized homophobia (and of my own experiences with that).

And judgement taught us that our hearts were wrong

The rules say our emotions don't comply But we'll defy the rules until we die

The world may disapprove But my world is only you

You showed me feelings I've never felt before We're making enemies, knocking on the devil's door And how can you expect me not to eat When the forbidden fruit tastes so sweet?

yeah this is like half the song. deal with it. like. i think there can be something very healing about entering into a queer relationship with someone who makes you feel loved and safe after years of being told that was wrong. "how can you expect me not to eat / when the forbidden fruit tastes so sweet?" when i was young i had a very powerful sort of reverse conversion experience, where i had been struggling to make sense of catholic teachings on homosexuality because like... it just didn't seem that bad. but everyone around me was saying it was. parents, teachers, family friends. and i was like, 14, and at that age, you kind of assume that adults do know more than you. they wouldn't all be against this if there was no reason, right? and then i fell in love with a girl and i was just like. wow. okay. these people are just wrong?? because this feels so good and normal and right?? like. yeah. the forbidden fruit tastes good. and is good for you, actually.

the alchemy (taylor swift) is just like, a power couple song. i don't know that any lyrics are super specifically phan coded (phoded if you will) like i just hear anything about love and go "oh my god that's so dan and phil coded." but:

Call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team Ditch the clowns, get the crown Baby, I'm the one to beat

These blokes warm the benches We've been on a winning streak

like! they are THE youtube couple sorry everyone else is just trying to be as cool as them.

'Cause the sign on your heart Said it's still reserved for me

gay

Where's the trophy? He just comes runnin' over to me

boncas anyone????

okay this is like so long and i have so many chores to do so i'll cut it here but not without adding still into you (paramore). self explanatory

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Hello.

I have so many I want to ask but I'll do this one again.

5 biggest surprises in Bl this year.

(Thanks for the xmas message btw.) Rose💜

Ooo I like this one, there were lots of good surprises this year:

Shows that surprised me

Wedding Plan

gif by @pharawee

Everyone has an opinion on MAME, and I do not blame them, but know that I am judging you hard if you did not like Wedding Plan and especially if you did not like Sailom. This show was phenomenal and if you have not watched it, you should.

Be My Favorite

gif by @makesomehistory

Krist and Jittirain also have reputations on this website, and while I was not aware of the reputations of either of these individuals many of my friends on this website do and we entered this show ready to be mad at it, and instead we all walked away enjoying it and genuinely surprised by the fact that we had enjoyed it. So shout out to Krist and Jittirain I guess, and honestly Gawin too because he showed that he is a great actor in his own right in this show.

Bed Friend

So I had seen the trailer for this show before it aired, and decided to check it out because it was marketed as high heat and I was curious to see what other studios were doing with high heat after KinnPorsche. So imagine my surprise 5 minutes in when the lights go out and we get the flashback showing baby Uea getting padlocked into the bathroom. Y'all. Jaw. Floor. I literally paused, I went back to the trailer, there was ZERO indication about his child abuse history. So that was probably my biggest surprise of the year for BL.

Characters that surprised me

I Like Phupa Now!

Honestly, thank god for Aof. He really used Our Skyy 2 to finally give Phupa the character arc he needed. In A Tale of a Thousand Stars, Phupa served as the more traditional romance story male where we did not get a lot of actual information on him, and when I watched ATOTS it was my first EarthMix show and I wasn't good at reading Earth's microexpressions so Phupa fell flat for me. But now I love him so so much, because Our Skyy 2 finally gave me enough time to sit with Phupa that I finally realized how much he was struggling with internalized homophobia, and I wrote two essays about it.

Mond was Boeing All Along!

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Don't care what anyone thinks of Only Friends as a whole, so many people were sure that Boeing was going to be played by Mix, and I remember the posts flying when Mond showed up at the end. Jojo asking Mond if he'd kissed any boys and casting him because he said no, and then having Mond kiss almost every single boy in the show? Inspired.

ASK ME MY TOP 5 OF ANYTHING BL 2023

[wifelinkmtg]

Yeah alright let’s talk Tarkir

Getting this out of the way: I do not care about Alesha, so if you were coming here ready to hear anything about the first-ever transgender girl out of Magic*, sorry to disappoint.

Actually, yeah, I’m gonna talk about this for a little bit. I understand Alesha means a lot to some people, and I’m not saying they’re wrong to feel that way. I’m sure there are people who had to fight to make Alesha openly & canonically trans, and I’m not saying that this was meaningless, wasted effort. It’s nice to be able to point to someone and say, see, there’s a place for people like me here. I was excited about it at the time and I wasn’t even into Magic back then.

But like c’mon, y’all, she’s not really a character, right? She gets one story, the thrust of which is, “this character is trans, and that’s basically fine.” Alesha exists to be part of the banner image of the internal WotC LGBT employees’ monthly newsletter. She exists to be the discord avatar for every third trans girl into Magic. She exists so a massive corporation can point to her as evidence that they care in some nebulous way about trans people, and she costs slightly less than paying someone to, say, actually moderate the hate speech comments on their vids of Autumn Burchett’s pro tour games.

All of which is to say, they don’t actually care. You know this. Individual staff, writers, artists - sure, but they’re not the ones who make the final decisions. And you and I deserve better from our stories, and we’re never going to get that from fucking Hasbro, right?

So here’s my pitch: seek out actual queer stories, and I’m not talking about contemporary YA shit with a marketing budget. For readers of this specific blog I’d recommend looking up “Attack Helicopter” by Isabel Fall (you should still be able to find it online). Stories where the texture and structure of thought are queer and trans are revelatory. You don’t need to beg for crumbs from a megacorp’s table.

ANYWAY, COMMA,

welcome to Tarkir! There used to not be dragons here, but now there are. In either timeline, everyone is locked in a brutal, unending struggle of clan-against-clan, so thanks, Sarkhan? Yeah, no, I hear you, it’s definitely different now. Yeah, and better. Yeah, because of the...yeah, because there’s dragons now, right. No, you did great, buddy. You really, uh, made a difference.

JESUS, IS HE CRYING? GET ME OUT OF HERE PLEASE

Monastery Swiftspear (art by Steve Argyle)

I’ve come to think of the current era of MtG art (let’s arbitrarily say from Kaladesh block to the present) as the “Magali Villeneuve era”, and if I’m being totally honest, I kind of hate it. Everything is technically competent, clearly lit, and immaculately detailed. Everyone has amazing cheekbones. It is so, so boring. I’m not at all saying she’s a bad artist! Sometimes, as with Kaldheim, she is very nearly the only person in a set making good art. I’ve featured her work on here many, many times.

What I am saying is that her work always has this, like, objectivity to it that feels detached and even alienating, like we’re looking at these characters through a powerful telescope. There’s no stylization, and dare I say no style.

The reason I bring her up in a set in which I will not be reviewing her work (sorry, Narset fans), is that Steve Argyle makes for an interesting comparison. They are to my untrained eye very similar artists: the sharp linework, the combination of dynamics and detachment. The major difference is that Steve’s art is substantially hornier and substantially male-gazier.

And goddammit, at least that’s something.

I HAVE THIS OPINION BECAUSE I’M A BAD FEMINIST. AND I DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED ABOUT IT

Unyielding Krumar (art by Viktor Titov)

I’m not sure why Viktor made this orc look like a ripped lizard man. None of the other orcs in this block look like this. Maybe he thought “krumar” was a species of lizard folk, when in point of fact a krumar is, checks notes, an orphan of the Mardu raised by the Abzan who killed their parents in a twist of worldbuilding regrettably reminiscent of a strategy used in real-world genocides. Whoops!

Anyway, big arms. Lizard person. Sorry about your family.

WIZARDS STAY CLASSY I GUESS

Ire Shaman (art by Jack Wang)

Yeah, see, extremely not a lizard.

We’re not going to talk about armor practicality because that is very much beside the point, but we were all thinking it, and I want to acknowledge that before moving onto saying nice things about what all the leather bands are doing for her arms, and what this lamellar bustier is doing for her tits.

YEAH I KNOW WHAT LAMELLAR IS. PRETTY HOT, RIGHT

Den Protector (art by Viktor Titov)

I am not immune to mothers, nor women in furs, and I’m especially not immune to women with big two-handed weapons (in either sense, I suppose.) I really like the sense of motion in this picture, and the dynamic thrust of the landscape behind her, and... hm. Is her right-hand grip reversed from what it should be? Dammit, that’s going to bother me.

I LIKE MY WOMEN TO HAVE BETTER GRIP TECHNIQUE IS ALL I’M SAYING

Wandering Champion (art by Willian Murai)

I am trying really, really hard not to date myself by a reference to a shitty 20-year-old flash animation. Anyway! she has flexibility, power, and isn’t afraid of a little viscera now and again. All excellent qualities.

I AM HONESTLY EXERCISING IMMENSE SELF-RESTRAINT HERE

Sultai Flayer (art by Izzy)

Sorry, do you not want a forty-foot androgyne snake person to remove your skin with tender, agonizing slowness? Are you lost?

WHY DON’T YOU MARRY YOUR SKIN IF YOU’RE SO GODDAMN ATTACHED TO IT. PUSSY.

Highspire Mantis (art by Igor Kieryluk)

I did the mantis bit in my Battle for Zendikar post, but I thought I’d actually dig into what the appeal is here: raptorial forelimbs. The inescapable, serrated hold of something that could slice you open as easy as thinking, but hasn’t yet. The smoothness of chitin, hard without being inflexible. The many strange articulations. And then either you make out or it eats your head, and it is not up to you which.

WHEN WILL WIZARDS GIVE US THE MANTIS-FUCKER REPRESENTATION WE DESERVE. ROSEWATER’S SILENCE ON THIS ISSUE IS DEAFENING.

Alright, that’s Tarkir down! Who knows what’s next? Probably a very cranky explanation of what fiction is and why it’s okay to like fictional bad guys (it’s because they’re not real.) At first I thought that was going to be a more interesting topic, but the more I think about it the more it seems like it’s...really not. I can have fun with it, though! Thanks for reading, and I’ll see y’all next time.

---------

*the first-ever transgender girl out of Magic/had to settle on a name/and the top three contenders after weeks of debate/were Alesha/and Shensu/and the Kolaghan Bomber

[cayde6feetunder]

i mentioned it in some tags fucking forever ago and I posted about it on twitter but might as well post it here too

"I can't be ableist, I'm [x]" has done so much damage to mentally ill and disabled spaces and or threatens to do so. and unchecked internalized ableism and unchecked ableism as a whole.

i am someone with unsavoury symptoms and conditions. There's no beating the bush about this one. My symptoms are considered ugly and there have been times where I've met people who have been all like, "Support people with unsavory symptoms" but when I actually started hanging out with them they ended up being more ableist than anyone I've ever met.

I have memory issues. On some days I forget things quite literally as they happen to me. There's no guarantee I'd remember what you've said to me. It doesn't mean I don't care, I literally sometimes forget what I was doing three minutes ago. no, I'm not making an excuse, I literally forgot that you were bothered by, say, bugs and it was not intentional. Now I will most likely remember but please don't be bothered if moving forward I ask you to clarify what you're bothered by.

I have issues with my emotions. I struggle to articulate what I'm thinking and feeling. PLEASE ask me to elaborate on things before jumping at me and accusing me of twisting things around or whatever, or inviting conflict, or a thousand other "UM ACTUALLY--"s. And please, PLEASE don't assume things, ASK ME THINGS. Let me speak.

I have issues with anxiety. I often distance myself from 90% of discord servers and even my own friends (even if they don't notice it) because I am deeply terrified that they secretly don't like me or they're seconds from snapping, or they find me annoying, or about a thousand fucking other things that there are times where I feel deeply, deeply ill. It's not that I don't like you; it's that I'm actively struggling with myself and putting forth a lot of effort to make things work on my end.

I have PTSD. That PTSD on top of the anxiety manifests in my fear of old terrible cycles repeating even if they're out of my control. This makes pretty much everything else mentioned way worse. Everything is a CONSTANT WAR within myself. I'm a perfectionist and I feel like even if it's not my fault I convince myself that I did something wrong and I rationalize things that way. There's also the bipolar and the BPD.

I am medicated and learning how to manage these things. But we need to accept that these symptoms are ugly, that while I'm doing my part, I and others like me still deserve grace and tenderness and we do NOT need our own community and/or communities who claim to have the exact same issues treating us like shit, spitting on us, or being in general hypocritical towards us in claiming that they support us but then do everything that seems to state the obvious.

it really is your own people sometimes. and it shouldn't have to be.

and whenever i try and say things like this I have people telling me I'm "DODGING RESPONSIBILITY," no I'm not, you cannot assume such things of me when you're only seeing me talking about a very real issue that I and many others face.

Stop reblogging and posting about how much you love and support "unsavoury" symptoms and conditions but then turn around and treat those very same people like absolute shit.

And don't get me started on how autistics like to treat other autistics just because their autism happens to be different.

I'm sorta fuzzy so it's super hard to really articulate or parse together what I'm trying to say properly but I hope what I'm trying to say comes across. Ableism within disabled and mentally ill communities fucking suck. Learn to actually care about and support people with symptoms and conditions you can't romanticize.

[ghostinthegallery]

Nearly all of my writing projects require a fight/battle scene right now...

I am not in the mood to write a fight/battle scene...

I know! I'll write about fight/battle scenes instead!! That's productive, right?

Truth be told, in general I do love writing action. One-on-one, small scale fights, huge battles. I love it! The movement, the drama, the tension and release of it all. But I do hear some people struggle with it, so here is my approach. Maybe it'll be helpful.

Golden rule: writing a fight scene is just like writing a sex scene. It is physical and emotional. The action should build on and be based around the characters. And it is very important to keep track of how many limbs everyone has and what they are doing.

I am lucky to have experience as a fencer, some martial arts, I've shot firearms, and I am a general history nerd. It is very helpful to have a baseline understanding of how weapons are used and how they feel. But with the internet this information is easily acquired! Go to youtube, search for the weapons your characters are using (or the closest equivalent for magic/scifi weaponry) and watch people fight. SCA and historical fencing tournaments are great for this. Trust me, weapon nerds love explaining how their stuff works.

Now, the main thing to remember when writing action is that you are balancing believability with entertainment. Note I say believability and not realism. Because in reality, most fights are short, brutal, and not fun to watch. This is not our goal as writers. However, you want your audience to believe the action on some level, so I like to go in vaguely knowing the most grounded version of how a fight would go, and then building off of that to make it actually fun.

Okay, that's all the background but what about the actual writing? At its core, an action scene is no different from any other type of scene. Your character has a goal and they are taking steps to achieve it. So in the fight, what is your character's goal? Don't just pick "survival". Get more specific. How are they going to survive? Escape? Kill their opponent? Disable them? Or is their goal something different, like holding an enemy back or reaching a destination? Protecting someone or something? Once you know that, it is much easier to come up with the beats of a fight because that goal will determine the actions your characters take.

This also works for large scale battle scenes. In fact, I would say a clearly defined goal is even more important in that context! Otherwise the audience will get lost in all the moving parts. Star Wars, great example: the final battle against the Death Star gives everyone the explicit goal of firing torpedoes into the vent before the DS blows up the rebel base. Simple, easy to to follow, orients the audience so we know what they heck is going on.

Make the stakes clear. What will happen if your protags win the fight? What will happen if they lose? Usually this is easier in smaller encounters (life or death, losing mcguffins). But battles have stakes too. Will a lot of people die if the enemy takes a city (Lord of the Rings, Helms Deep great example). Will your character be shamed if they lose? Do they have something to gain in victory? Or are they a soldier on the front lines just trying to find a way to stay alive? If the goal and stakes are clear, it is much easier to make your audience care about the outcome of whatever you have set up.

As for the actions your characters will take and how to write them? That is where you draw on your research plus your knowledge of the characters. Are they bold and reckless? Cautious? Write their fighting style accordingly.

When I write, I try to vary up action with reaction. A character lunges with their sword, describe the physicality of that. Describe how they feel when their sword is parried or their opponent leaps out of range. Describe the counterattack, then how your character reacts. Use these moments of outward action and internal reaction to set the pace of the fight.

Short sentences mean faster pacing. More frenetic. Faster, desperate. They build tension. Whereas longer sentences will slow things down and give the reader a chance to breathe and absorb what has just happened. You will use both, but use them deliberately.

Mastering the pacing of an action scene takes practice, like everything else, but you will start to get a feel for things after a while!

Battles can be harder because most of us are not generals schooled in military tactics, so they seem quite intimidating. However, most battles come down to two things:

do not get flanked

do not break formation

If the enemy surrounds you? Bad. If the enemy messes up the formation of your army? Bad. All battles pretty much come down to that. The rest is just flavor based on your setting and what people have access to in order to inflict violence on people they do not like.

(One trick I enjoy is to find major historical battles and just...copy them. Trust me, nobody will know ;))

Do not forget the environment in which the battle or fight is taking place! It is vitally important (and will give you things to write about besides just punches/blows or whatever). Watch the John Wick movies for super good examples of this for fight scenes. And remember, clever use of terrain has changed the course of history (*cough* Agincourt *cough*) so do not neglect it!

That is pretty much it! Feel free to ask me questions, I love talking about this (and procrastinating. what? who said that?).

[iamnmbr3]

How do you think drarry’s dynamic would be if Draco came into a creature inheritance such as a veela or werewolf?

So I enjoy veela!draco for the crack potential but personally I'm not as into it in a serious manner (though now that I said that I'll probably find a super serious veela!draco fic and end up staying up till 3 am reading it and then crying at the ending and then have to totally eat my words). I love the idea of werewolf!draco though and am actually working on an 8th year drarry fic where post book 7 Manor sequence Voldemort let Greyback bite Draco and Draco's hiding his status due to 1) shame and 2) between his last name and his Dark Mark he's already shunned and pretty much unemployable and this would only make it worse and 3) now that he didn't report it when he was supposed to he's committed a crime which could violate the terms of his parole. (And of course Harry immediately notices he's acting off and decides to investigate. Eventually drarry happens).

I really like the idea of Draco, who has all these internalized blood purest ideas suddenly having to deal with something that, according to that world view, gives him "corrupted" blood. While I think postwar he would have realized a lot of the bigotry he grew up with is wrong, those internalized ideas wouldn't go away overnight. And especially in the case of becoming a werewolf himself, the self hatred that he was already dealing with due to his alignment with Voldemort would get magnified, so since those bigoted ideas would be directed at himself he probably wouldn't feel the same need to question or reconsider them the way he would ideas about communities he's not a part of.

PLUS, Draco's exposure to werewolves included having Greyback and his pack hanging around his house. So I think he would feel even more negatively about werewolves than he did in his younger years and believe that everything he had ever been told about them being vicious and violent monsters had been proven totally true. I think he'd be terrified of becoming like that and also kind of feel he deserves it.

Harry, who spent a lot of time around Lupin obviously has a very different view of werewolves so I think once Harry found out about Draco's condition there'd be a lot of push and pull. I think Harry would probably be frustrated and maybe a bit surprised at first that becoming a werewolf actually didn't make Draco realize that werewolves are just regular people. I think there'd be a lot of back and forth with Draco struggling to get over his internalized prejudice and self hatred. I think Harry not really caring and being much more concerned with the bad choices Draco made, rather than what happens to him now on the full moon, would help him learn to accept himself and live with his condition. I think ultimately he would get to a point where he could realize that Greyback was brutal and violent because that's who he was - just like there are brutal and violent people who AREN'T werewolves - rather than specifically because of his condition. I think his internalized feelings of shame would be something he'd spend year and year struggling with though.

Conversely, I think Harry would be forced to confront a lot of the systemic problems in wizarding society and the way that affects werewolves and also be forced to confront the fact that Lupin repressed a lot of part of himself to make himself more "acceptable" in mainstream wizarding society. I really like the idea of Harry realizing that he doesn't know some stuff about werewolves. Given that Bill, who isn't even a full werewolf, apparently craves very rare meat now - and not just at full moons - I always headcanoned that werewolves actually have some wolfish characteristics all the time, like wanting to eat raw meat, but that Lupin represses all that to act more "human" and that's part of why he looks so unhealthy all the time but Greyback doesn't. I think Harry should have to deal with the fact that this is a very life changing condition and also deal with the fact that werewolves are so shunned that most of them chose to back Voldemort int he hopes of things getting even marginally better.

[tulpafcker]

yo hi your shawn spencer having aspd take is awesome, been looking for a 'popular' character that displays aspd better than dexter. if you ever wanna give more elaboration / possibly infodumping i will be in the audience standing and clapping

u sly dog u got my monolouging.... AIGHT HERE GOES!!

so i forgottt if i said so in the og post but i think henry ALSO has aspd and thats where shawn got it from, but to elaborate: i think that's why henry became a cop

FIRST OFF: wrt cops, i am operating on TV SHOW LOGIC, not real life logic. tv show cops and irl cops are VASTLY different in the kinds of morals each set has. rl cops are deeply unethical but in the world henry spencer inhabits, this is largely not the case. since he's In There and not Out Here, i go with the show's portrayal of cops and their morals and values, instead of real life's. everything i say about cops from here on is about the show's cops, aight? aight lets go

SO the thing about having aspd and knowing on some level that you have it and somethings Different about you is that at some point you HAVE to learn How To Live In A Society Without Immidiatley Getting Ostracized. a common tactic for this is to somehow aquire a set of morals and then just Do That. it's what i personally did, and a lot of those morals came feom whatever community i was in. i liked being here, they had some set of morals, and i just adopted those and treated it as truth. over the years this process has become a lot more refined but generally my morals align with the community i find myself in- namely, queer leftists. so a LOT of my moral beliefs come with interacting with queer leftists at length (because, since i was queer, and thus interacted w a lot of leftists) and going "yeah, that makes sense, this is now a moral standard for me"

so tldnr you need to find a community with some moral tenants that you generally agree with and also like, which sounds like a no brainer but its like. a bit different yk? for me PERSONALLY there really isnt much of an internal set of checks and balances that make me agree w my morals under all costs and i can like. turn it off if i need to

but back to the spencers: being a cop is really good for this. the moral set is easy- you're a cop. you care a lot about The Law. ergo your morals are just... the laws are good and breaking tbem is bad. short and simple and to the point

additionally, being a cop means you get to engage in risk taking behavior and get PAID for it! people dont think youre a crazy reckless thrill seeker, they think you're a HERO! and who needs remorse when you're dealing with criminals? you dont NEED to feel bad about power tripping or intimidating them, its totally fine. its fine. its fine

also relationship issues- henry's divorced, that's not uncommon for pwaspd in relationships. sometimes its poorly managed and/or they wont change and even if theyre stable enough not to be dangerous or abusive, it could be an unpleasant experience for a lot of different reasons- arguments being a massive problem when they happen (the remorse thing- good luck actually getting an apology outta them), worry over the risky behavior being met with flippiance, general lack of emotional vunerability. stuff like that

all this btw is based off my real relationship struggles between me and my fiance who does NOT have aspd (we r like... total opposites its so funny. top 10 funniest matchups of all time)

back to shawn. he is a lot like his father in many ways but the main reason i thought he had aspd is just... he treats EVERYTHING with flippiance and sarcasm. even when hes locking in and being serious, there's still an underlying feeling that he's Just Having Fun With This, no matter the situation. which, this isnt like an official criterion or whatever, but like... i know a LOT of guys with aspd. most of them talk like this. there's always a sense of emotional detachment from most things, because there is one, because they have aspd. i jokingly call this the "sociopath lilt" because theres also that sort of, up-and-down inflection (that shawn has!) that comes with it. its so funny it just makes other pwaspd instantly clockable to me. get thin sliced loser

but once i started thinking about it, more things add up... he's CALLED OUT on his risk taking behavior and flippiance towards serious subject matter IN THE SHOW! he's had a ton of jobs and while i can't prove why he kept leaving them, aspd and having a job... don't mix well. i keep getting fired because i keep beefing w my manager, and i can see the same thing happening to shawn, or maybe he broke a rule one too many times, or got caught in a restricted area, or broke something thru carelessness

and it IS played for comedy but he very often tends to not respect the wishes and autonomy of the people he interacts with, ESPECIALLY gus. he cares naught for anything gus has going on with his job and wether or not he'll get in trouble if he leaves early or does whatever scheme shawn cooked up, and generally sort of treats him not very kindly a lot- which isnt to say their friendship is BAD, its just a pattern of behavior yk?

thats all i can think of off the top of my head rn, but yeah imo shawn is a very realistic take on a guy with aspd whos just like. a regular guy with a mental illness thats to some degree managed, some degree not. very "adhd kid went thru some shit and developed aspd" coded (theres a link; if you abuse a kid with adhd theres a HUGE chance theyll develop conduct disorder and later aspd) (also i guess "some shit" for shawn was the divorce and also being raised by a guy with aspd and being influenced by how he thought a lot)

he's not like, dangerous or abusive or anything, he just has his quirks that can cause problems for him or give the people close to him grief, but its kind of like... an affectionate sort of grief, yk?he just reminds me of myself in a lot of ways. and i like that even in a hc theres SOME character out there that isnt like, a serial killer. imagine having a mental illness and all the characters with it are evil. like yeah theyre cool characters but can i have SOMETHING else for once PLEASE

also lassie has npd send tweet

[sweetestpopcorn]

Hi, I've started reading your work 'the king of the stepstones' and I love it, jealous Caraxes is brilliant.

I've enjoyed reading your thoughts on canon on your blog, so I was wondering what you think Rhaenyra's thoughts were regarding her children with Harwin? As in, do you think she had any internal struggle with birthing bastards, and why would she risk having more than one if that was the case? Do you think there was political motive to have heirs or were they not planned? I wonder if her ladies, such as the strong sisters, knew if they were harwin's lol.

Hi there ❤️ and sorry for this delay.

Thank you so much for your beyond lovely words 🥰 we stan jealous Caraxes 😂

Art by @ammmyturtle see the completed piece here

I am actually working on the next chapter of "The King of the Stepstones" as I type this - or in between - and that's going to be the next update before the main story 😊

Answering your question and there are several parts to it so I will just begin with the simplest and easiest to answer and go from there to more complex and less based on facts and more on my opinion.

I think people overlook or don't remember - or get asoiaf canon mixed up with lizard show canon - that Rhaenyra married Laenor in 114 AC and in the same year Jacaerys was born. We don't have a date as to when the two of them were wed but we know that Jacaerys was born towards the end of the year. This to say that she did not have more than three months from the moment she married Laenor to the moment she got pregnant.

Why does this matter? Well because clearly I would argue it makes for very little room to have an interpretation that Rhaenyra had Jacaerys for political reasons -> people not thinking she was barren and so she could give Westeros an heir to follow her. If that was her reasoning, for once she would have plenty of time, it was not that common for women to become pregnant so quickly - at most this took three months and likely it was less than that - her own grandmother Alyssa had been married to Baelon for three years when her father King Viserys was born, and between Viserys and Daemon there were another four years. Secondly, again if "politics" was her reason it would have been smarter to choose someone more similar to Laenor Velaryon as the father of her children. Thirdly, when have we ever seen Rhaenyra care that much about politics? The answer is we haven't. Yes, she knew how to deal with lords for the most part (when she did not let herself be led away by her hot temper), but Rhaenyra for the most part did what she wanted. Let's not forget she refused her marriage to Laenor at first and it took a threat of disinheritance to get her to agree. Let's not also forget she wed and became pregnant by Daemon not three months after Laena and Laenor died, which said nothing good about either of them. As Viserys himself announced this action by them was an insult to their spouses' memory, to the memory of her children and the future king's father on paper. Later on during the Dance, Rhaenyra also refuses Corlys notion to make peace and to try to wed Aegon III to Jaehaera to unite their houses.

There are countless other examples but these alone speak volumes against the type of person Rhaenyra was, and such person was certainly not a political genius that did anything because of duty. Actually, the contrary is true, she did almost nothing (if anything) because of duty.

Rhaenyra is described as bold, bright, precocious, stubborn, and proud. Nowhere is she described as honourable or dutiful and I have not a notion from where this idea that she did things for "politics" came from but it's honestly time it's put to rest because it has not a leg, not even a toothpick, to stand on.

Rhaenyra did mostly what she wanted and what served her own interests and desires.

Adding to this we also have significant evidence that when she married Laenor something was already happening between herself and Harwin Strong, we can discuss what that was and how far the two of them had gotten to that point, but something was happening. Not only did he wear her favour but he got his elbow shattered and a broken collarbone courtesy of Criston Cole who she dismissed the morning of her wedding and who turned to Alicent Hightower - yes, same woman who once called him out for being a creep to Rhaenyra when she was about 12-13. According to Mushroom, Harwin and Rhaenyra had slept together the night before after Criston refused her V-card and Harwin happily accepted it. According to Eustace she was the one who refused Criston's advances and some of the reasons for this were that he was a man of the Kingsguard already married to his duty - a problem Harwin did not have - and that he wanted her to become his wife - while Harwin seemed willing to just have her for his lover. According to Eustace again nothing ever happened between her and Harwin BUT - here comes that but - he later claims Daemon saw Harwin as competition for Rhaenyra's affections. And if you want to be quick to dismiss Eustace, he's also the one who paints Rhaenyra and Daemon's relationship as loving for the vast majority of it, Mushroom only does so doing the Dance for #reasons aka forgot to keep up his lie and downplay Rhaenyra's feelings for Daemon.

It's not hard to read between the lines here I would argue.

This all to say, no, there's no evidence that they were a "political motive to have heirs". Maybe eventually they could have been, but Jace was simply conceived far too quickly and that kind of thinking was not in Rhaenyra's nature nor a behaviour she displayed.

As to how she might have felt, I don't think she had too many issues with it. Her marriage to Laenor was something she was forced to do, and it was clear from the start between them that she would do her and he would do him. Hells, as I have said again and again and as it is written in the books black on white, they did not even bother to pretend to consummate their marriage - no there was no bedding ceremony - and the two were barely physically in the same space. Harwin was, as Mushroom describes, her comfort, and in the absence of a proper husband, he would do the job at least from inside the bedchamber.

While internally I think we can speculate that part of Rhaenyra was afraid of being caught because the consequences would be absolutely dire for her, she was the heir to the Iron Throne at the peak of Targaryen Power. Rhaenyra displays most of the same attitude as Daemon and other Targaryens had: the notion that the two of them were more god than man/woman, something almost all of Westeros believed in, and that they could do no wrong. And this was what Rhaenyra did when someone questioned her sons' paternity, she would deny it point blank and then punish the person for putting her into question and also why she kept having children with Harwin Strong. Because she could. Her father had her back. Laenor was happy to name them. Corlys shut the h:ll up and smiled, and that was that.

Now, did she liked the situation she was in? I think we can also speculate that no, she didn't. As written in the books Rhaenyra "had her own ideas about who she wanted to marry", and from someone who had the Rogue Prince courting her and asking to wed her, to having most bachelors in Westeros doing so, to being forced to marry an openly gay man and being given no say in the matter, this is quite the fall and certainly not what she wished or envisioned for her life. Hells, no woman in Westeros would want this situation. Most women in today's world wouldn't want this situation let alone someone like Rhaenyra who lived in Westeros. She was clearly not too happy with this life, and she was quick to jump into the life she did want with Daemon, and indeed the most boring yet I would argue happy period of her life was during her marriage with him prior to the Dance.

I have no doubt that she loved her sons, however, the three "Velaryon" princes as she describes both them and Aegon and Viserys as her strength. All of them, as I have talked about at lengths in previous posts, came from a very happy household and loved each other. Aegon was said to "idolise" - yes this exact word sorry if canon is hurting anyone - his three older brothers, and he was extremely close with Viserys, with whom he shared everything.

Last point, from which I also have no doubt, is that absolutely the "Strong" sisters knew 😂 because everyone plus their dog knew. I am kidding, but given that they were Rhaenyra's ladies and Harwin's sisters, it's very likely they were in on it, and if they weren't, that they could add 2+2.

Sorry about this delay. I swear that when I get to answer the asks 90% of you either no longer follow me or are no longer in the fandom so I am here with my cricket noises but hopefully someone likes my rants.

All the best!

[adelaidedrubman]

4, 8, 10, 18 for the pride asks for both (or just one you think it's more relevant to) of ur far cry girlies

TY BELOVED these were great ones to think about and i did do each question for each girlie and am sorry, as always, for the long answers 💕

4. Is your oc's environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?

of all the reason she’s locally hated, bisexuality isn’t top of anyone’s list. although actually on second thought a significant portion of the hope county population has probably looked at johnjess and said “huh, i think i’m biphobic now.”

but in all seriousness there is ofc a montana circa 2018 level of biphobia in her life mandated by the setting. mostly only passing reference as far as what’s actually on the page because that’s the only capacity in which it’s fun for Me, The Author to explore it. and because jestiny doesn’t hang out with straight people. which also is really only because as god of the universe i decide every character from canon i like enough to write about must in some way be not cishet. i’ve done many cruel things to mary may, but i won’t do that

and as for family of origin, jestiny certainly did not receive much support. her parents and extended family were mostly bible belt evangelicals and took that to heart, so. not a lot of pride flags hung up in the windows growing up.

that being said, her extended family never really learned she was bisexual because she never voluntarily socialized with them, so they never knew they had anything to disapprove of. in part because her parents’ open disapproval mostly took the I Pretend I Do Not See It/this is one of her many Difficult Phases form of biphobia. this isn’t a problem because it isn’t really happening, and if it is she’ll grow out of it. teenage jestiny stomping through the house screaming “BYE everyone i’m going out on A DATE with my GIRLFRIEND who i KISS WITH TONGUE because i LIKE WOMEN AND MEN” and her mother saying “that’s great sweetie i’m glad you’re finally making some gal pals and developing a positive attitude tell the boys you’re going on your double date with to have you back before curfew” (she goes no contact with her father and never tells her mother anything about her personal life in adulthood so to them this is where it left off forever)

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

nothing that deep. it was probably a very easy childhood trip to the library to get on the computer and go “google am i gay quiz. whoa bisexual you can do that?? ok that’s out of the way. wikipedia chinook salmon” for her. and her natural contrarian disposition has helped keep her from internalizing most of the bigotry she was taught she should be internalizing. those signs won’t stop her because she can’t read etc.

10. Does your oc celebrate Pride? How?

idk why my first thought was that sasuke fic line like “i don’t dance! what’s pride what do they have to be proud of?” anyways yeah every year she goes to the bars with rainbow flags to pick up chicks and bi men then gets piss mad about the place being full of overpriced rainbow shots that are mostly water and food dye and Straight Allies and yells and complains and leaves belligerently announcing she’s going to go actually celebrate pride by catching rainbow trout if you even care. local bisexual woman finds a way to get less ass during pride month than any other month of the year

4. Is your oc's environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?

copy paste what i said above about montana circa 2018 but substitute lesbophobia. although ig 2018 jenna would be experiencing less of it on the day to day since her primary social circle is eden’s “We Like Gay” gate. which brings us to yes, her primary canon environment is supportive.

prior to her time in the project her main environment was academic institutions in the greater san francisco area so. yes, she was assured, constantly, very loudly, of how approving her environment was, like the most approving place on earth, basically perfect, and they’re waiting for her applause. (that being said being where she was did give her above average opportunities to connect with other queer people and find a personal community she gelled with.)

as for her family of origin, this is the one part of her life her parents are unconditionally supportive about. “mom, dad: i’m a lesbian” -> “yay, good to know!” vs. “mom, dad: i’m switching career fields from the natural to the social sciences” -> screaming crying throwing up how could you disappoint your family like this what will we tell people where did we go wrong. also they have disapproved of every woman she’s ever brought home but never for the being a woman thing.

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

nah, identity is a very flexible and mostly social communication thing for jenna in general so there’s never been a lot of identity formation drama for her, including wrt gender and sexuality. which isn’t to say she doesn’t reflect on it, but it’s more intellectualizing than struggling to come to terms with anything about herself. same with external challenges, she perceives them but intellectualizes it without taking much to heart or feeling any type of way about it, as is her wont.

10. Does your oc celebrate Pride? How?

she does, jenna has a lot of appreciation for cultural observations and attending sociql events in general, so. if there’s a big pride event near her she’s probably stopping by, albeit often more as a spectator than as an active participant celebrating herself and her community. but she shows up, and may put a pride flag in her window

AAAAAAAND FOR GENERAL:

18. Do you prefer to give your ocs specific labels, or keep it unspecified? Why? If applicable, do you change their labels depending on circumstance?

i usually define them with whatever is the best familiar term available in character descriptions even if they tend not to define themselves with the same terminology or wouldn’t specificy at all in universe. i don’t always have a character’s sexuality nailed down on day one, but some form of wlw is the default starting point bc write what you know and want to see more of and such. so far i don’t have any ocs that have been adapted for vastly different universes, so i haven’t had to think about whether to change labels to reflect changed circumstances.

also for the record, i would write a straight oc if their being straight was really necessary to the plot or they were a funny side character or something