#struggling to find the will to care?
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It's kind of impressive how good Astarion is at primping when he can't see his own reflection. Like, he's vain, sure -- he has to be, to lure people back to Cazador. A pretty face is much more likely to draw people in, especially with his particular skill set. But...
All those years hunting for Cazador. Dolling himself up just to trap some poor fool in a tavern or a seedy back alley. His appearance always perfectly put together and beautiful.
Did the other spawn help get ready? There certainly seemed to be no love lost between them, especially for Astarion, but... Did they act as each others' mirrors, helping to style hair and apply make up? Did they help each other, in as much as they could, at least where it came to drawing in victims? Each consigned to the same fate, did they offer each other that smallest kindness of a brush run through hair?
Or did Astarion learn alone in the dark, to slick back his hair and hide his bruises? Is that why he's so put together at the start of the game, when you ought to be at your worst, injured and lost in the wreckage of your life? Practice?
#idk i just cant get the thought of astarion alone in a pitch black dungeon out of my head#slicking back his hair without any sort of help or reflection because thats what he has to do#he has no choice. he must look beautiful. he must fumble his way through the dark to do it.#how long would that take to learn? did he spend his 1st decade an unkempt mess struggling to find some way to make himself beautiful again?#struggling to find the will to care?#ahh i shouldnt stay up so late the angsty feels are getting to me#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion#astarion ancunin#baldurs gate 3#~k
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there is always tomorrow
#lovecore#hopecore#webweaving#the presence of love is beautiful in itself#you got this#self care#self love#recovery#healing#hopepunk#recovery is not linear it is okay to have bad days you have the entirety of your life to have a better day#i wish anyone reading this a good life#i love you#you are loved#and i hope you will find happiness in the small things#i’ve been struggling a lot recently but i always remind myself the good set in store for me and look up places in the city i’ll move to#and it motivates me a bunch so i hope u all find things to strive towards mwah
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i think its so funny when people take the way donnie acts at face value even though its a horrible lie because he's a horrible liar, while understanding leo is bullshitting very well despite him actually being GOOD at bullshitting. many such cases
#personal#rottmnt#although tbf its probably because with leo its unpacked more thoroughly in the movie#donnie is not a morally ambiguous emotionally unavailable bad boy. he is very sensitive actually#he's a little crybaby /aff#and like this isnt hidden. he isnt SECRETLY sensitive or secretly caring its very out in the open actually#he's not hiding it well AT ALL AND THEY ALL KNOW IT LMAOOOOOOOO#i think donnie's perception of himself is somewhat earnest and somewhat. not? he DEFINITELY thinks he's more evil than he actually is#BGHFHDHGJFHG#i think what causes him to lash out and struggle to communicate is his inability to articulate his feelings#they are just too big for him. like its the exact opposite of robotic#he cant force himself to give a fuck but when he DOES its too much#so he yells and lashes out or he shuts down completely#honestly i think the perception of him being too sensitive being a problem makes way more sense than the perception of him being 'robotic'#when it comes to struggles in how his family sees him at least#even in little ways you can see him take it pretty personally when he's insulted#he struggles to blow things off#and i think it would also explain his tendency to like. visibly calm himself down when he gets upset? its a thing he does a lot in the show#he desperately wants to destroy that perception of him because he's trying so hard to close himself off#he doesn't want to be the sensitive one that cant take anything. it especially works in line with his shell#it was a big inspiration for canary continuity tbh. donnie should struggle with being the sensitive one in fic more#mikey is more empathetic and he's more emotional but donnie's quicker to feel offended or take things personally#BACKED UP HEAVILY BY CANON#that 'you can be honest with me! no hard feelings' - 'he's lyinggggggg'#like he's not upset with them babying him as much as he is with them genuinely finding it frustrating that he can fall behind like that#and just cannot take shit like that. so he tries to pull back and not seem as affected as he is#theyre a very cuddly family but mind you they can be actually mean to each other like that!!
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Learning to celebrate the little wins!
#fersona#While I don't have the capacity to do Hourly Comics Day#I did journal my day hour-by-hour and the sheer difference in my self-care and routines is *staggering*.#Honestly both Feb 1 2024 and 2025 were rough days...but this year I had a far better outlook on it all.#The funny part is that when I drew this a few days ago I actually *was* celebrating not crying.#Might have still cried on Feb 1st. A meagre 4 times. But I also had lot of good moments!#January is a very hard month for me and frankly I've been in a fugue state for most of it.#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore.#So updates and posts have been slow. I'm just slow. I'm tired and burnt out from work and grieving.#But you know what? The days I do manage to post; I'm never shamed for how long it took. You're all just as excited and kind.#I'm coming home and eating better and sleeping more and spending time with loved ones.#This is all to say; you can be a lot happier when you realize that life can be taken a little slower.#I'm more grateful that words can possibly convey.#If you related to the mindset of constantly feeling like you've 'failed' the day; please know you have done more than you realize.#I'm struggling with it everyday! I'm in the trenches with you!#Life is too short and painful to not celebrate what you *do* accomplish! It's hard work but it is worth it!#Bit by bit...we will learn to live. *Really* live. And enjoy it!
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Okay I’m. Usually. Usually I don’t enjoy human aus and usually I hate drawing transformers as humans because it feels so wrong to my brain.
But then I stumbled upon Dream of something more by Gemma_Inkyboots and aaauuuhh fuck. Here’s the pile of the most vague and unspecific and undetailed fanart. Because I’m being torn between “I can’t drawing human designs” and “If don’t draw something for this fic I die”.
#maccadam#transformers#dratchet#ratchlock#drift#deadlock#ratchet#it’s kind of mermaid au#but I ….auuhh I can’t design mer Deadlock spare ne#*me#I’m struggling haha#at first I was like#oh okay I see. This is about mer falling in love with a human and then deciding that he needs to be a human too so he can be with his love#but something#SOMETHING was so interestingly off#and then I realised that….oh fuck#it’s not about ‘finding your love’#it’s about finding your way back to your love even though you have a fucking amnesia and don’t remember you are loved#Deadlock is so damn confused half of the time because he jUSt found Ratchet#but Ratchet already knows him and loves him and cares about him and he missed him so much and he thought Deadlock was dead???#………yeah….great fic#fic fanart#Deadlock thinking that Ratchet’s clothes smells like home and Ratchet’s food tastes like home is…..#*dies*#the fic is unfinished#there’s 2 chapters left I think? But it’s SO worth reading eheheh
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directionless anger
(or, something like: the robin mantle is a curse, but that isn't inherently anyone's fault and someone has to wear it)
i adapted the two pages below the cut bc they were haunting me—tim having a nightmare the day of his mother's funeral, from Batman (1940) #455: “Identity Crisis, Part 1”, from this post
#dc#dick grayson#tim drake#bruce wayne#sart#long post#cw eyestrain#sometimes you’re 14 and the people who were supposed to take care of you hurt you but they didn't mean to#in fact it’s the last thing they wanted#and what do you do with that?#trying to exorcise all the brain worms before my semester starts and i inevitably have neither the time nor the energy#i would also like it to be known that i find his hair from the period very charming but BY GOD do i struggle drawing it
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i think the idea of v finding uzis last name hilarious is a really funny one
#uzi can't even make fun of her back cause she doesn't have a last name#unless you count elliot#which i. do#so uhh ignore everything i just said#n doesn't make fun of her#and j doesn't care#but anyways yeah i had this drawn for like 3 days i just needed the motivation to digitalize it#im trying to find a way to stylize the headband so it isn't just pure yellow but im struggling#also creating the effect of her slamming her arm.#i dont know how to do that so i just did my best#sorry if it looks like dogshit#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#murder drones v#serial designation v#im sure ill find an error somewhere within 5 minutes after posting and hate myself for it
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I HATE tiktok and the Internet in general rn for the obsession with "oh this person's smellyyy" "Brother it STINKS over here" "BOO 💧🧼🧽🚿" and stuff like that. I wish I could put into words how demeaning and patronising that whole idea is and people implying anyone they don't like doesn't wash.
For one there's something grating about being insulted in a manner like we're in nursery again. But also WHY is that the go to insult. Why do you associate these things? Especially to those you deem "chronically online". Like I don't want to sound pathetic but it feels so nasty to me.
is it extreme to say this feels tied to ableism? And classism too?
#“take a shower” me sitting here with depression and no will to even move rn. That doesnt make me feel worse or anything#dry to wet change is also evil. and i get decision paralysis a lot and just struggle to motivate myself to do basic human tasks#and thats just me#what about the people with physical disabilities that struggle to find the energy and strength to do these things#And also like environmental factors too?#like kids can be unhygienic cause they arent being cared for and learning properly#people with learning disabilities and neurodiversity too may struggle with not being taught properly as its a “basic thing everyone knows”#people are homeless karen.#people cant afford to wash regularly#people grow up or are forced to live in unhygienic places and surrounded by smokers and alcoholics#people who are smokers and alcoholics and generally people with addiction can smell#people with health issues that cause them to sweat more#Like the list goes on#but idk maybe I'm just sensitive#anti anti#profiction#proship#neurodivergent#cringe culture#ableism#classism
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"How do you do it, gambler?"
Aventurine glanced up from the drink in his hand, an identical one clutched tightly in Dr. Ratio's.
"Do what?"
"Maintain a relationship."
Aventurine blinked, before his head shot up again to look at the doctor. Veritas didn't even spare him a glance, eyes glued to the scene in front of them— a grand IPC ball, held for investors and connections to be made. It was always a busy and grand event, one the Intellegensia Guild had to attend to maintain the IPC's investment.
It really wasn't Dr. Ratio's scene, but he had been chosen as their representative anyway.
"I'm not particularly adept at that, my dear doctor." Aventurine chuckled, watching the alcohol swirl in his glass.
"You are far more able then I am. Even upon falsities and fake promises, you managed to chat and converse with people in a sort of ease," Ratio slowly tore his eyes away from the crowd, glancing back to Aventurine before his eyes dropped to the floor in front of him. "..Its admirable."
Aventurine could just barely process what Dr. Ratio was exactly saying— direct praise?? From the good doctor himself???— before Veritas set down his now-empty drink on a bypassing waiters tray.
"Do you ever feel.. second-rate?"
Aventurine paused, taking another languid drink as he contemplated. It wasn't often the dear doctor opened up— he should tread carefully.
"I can't say for sure. Why?" He kept his tone even, trying not to distract from Veritas' thoughts. It was hard enough to get to know him in the first place, to squander his trust like this would be a waste.
The Doctor took a deep breath, practically hiding himself in the shadows of one of the many grand pillars decorating the room.
"I am not adept at conversation."
Aventurine could agree with that. Something about the doctor made it difficult to respond in kind— he was dry, a vague bit brutish, and if Aventurine dared, a little bullheaded. He seemed so sure of himself, founded confidence that was backed up by his many achievements. It was a little intimidating for the average person, he supposed. But as he looked on, that sort of Dr. Ratio seemed to fade ever so slightly, leaving behind someone who was still sure in his knowledge and discoveries— but struggled nonetheless.
"I find people.. grating, sometimes. But connection is one of the few necessities of livelihood, and so I try to converse with my peers as often as possible. It is.. difficult. It often feels as if they have no interest in what I am saying, neither asking questions nor inquiring further, and when I try to do so to show interest in their research, they often retreat back, saying it is not finished or the such. Offering to help only ever seems to drive them further away." Taking out the laurel clip in his hair, Veritas' thumb drifted over the gilded leaves, the polish in the finish reflecting his face back at him. "Despite my best efforts, I rarely ever follow up because I fear I intimidate them. I have seen them recoil at the mere sight of me."
Aventurine could just watch on in surprise— Veritas had never shown an inkling of this before. When he had first gotten to know the doctor, he had assumed Veritas simply didn't work with his peers due to a difference in dedication, or perhaps view. He was among the brightest and best in the Intellegensia Guild, always praised behind his back for being one of their stars.
Perhaps that wasn't the front Veritas had put up at all. Perhaps it was what Veritas was forced to wear in the face of his peers, forced to be seen as the cold unobtainable, the pinnacle of what they should be.
Being on a pedestal like that, it must be lonely.
"Do you not go drinking with your coworkers or something?" Aventurine leaned against the wall, cold of the stone seeping through his suit. Veritas glanced up at him, before looking back down.
"..I was never invited. It is against social convention to come along if you aren't invited, isn't it? I'd rather not strain and worry them more. It could impact them negatively if I were to come along and invite stress to what is supposed to be a time they unwind." He turned the laurel over in his hand. "..perhaps I missed my opportunity."
The light of the pedestal Dr. Ratio sat on seemed to blind all those who looked at it from underneath. They couldn't see his face, only his back— but as Aventurine leaned against the wall, gazing at the doctor in front of him, he got that different perspective.
There was.. resignation, in his eyes.
"Perhaps I am just doomed to be a looming figure above many. And yet, I'll still never be enough." His voice tapered off slightly, head dropping even just that hint bit more. "I am fully aware how much others are compared to me, and I hear them speak of my achievements behind my back. I wish they would stop, if I am being honest. Or at least tell me of my praise directly."
That surprised Aventurine.
"What, do people not give you a compliment or two? For someone so easy on the eyes and as esteemed as you, doctor, I find that hard to believe!" He chuckled— but it quickly faded out as Veritas looked to the side.
"Not often do I get comments directly on my achievements, no. Nor on my appearance, before you came along." He sighed. "You are.. the only person who does so."
The only one who's tried.
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The Only One Whos Tried - awriternamedart
#honkai star rail#hsr#arts snippets#hsr aventurine#aventurine honkai star rail#dr ratio#hsr veritas#veritas ratio#ratiorine#aventio#just a little bit of projection#a little bit#tiniest bit#idk ratio just feels like this to me#he so deeply cares but he struggles to show it#and everyone assumes that hes got the connections and stuff#just because of his reputation and vibe#but then you dig a little deeper and try a little harder#and you just find someone whos trying his best to do all he knows to do#whos never really been told your doing the right thing#and that your doing good and your on the right track#and then aventurine came along and just tried that tiniest bit harder
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I'm back on my bullshit
Optimus: I've loved you in every universe, even if you twist into someone I should hate.
Soundwave: I've loved you in every universe, even if it never ends well for me.
Rodimus: Every other universe can rot for all I care, I love you in this one.
#megatron#soundwave#optimus prime#rodimus#megarod#megasound#megop#normal as fuck about these three specific pairings and all the ways they compare with each other on both a narrative and meta level#Optimus and Soundwave have fucking universe-spanning relationships with Megatron that almost always remain the same#but only one Rodimus loves only one Megatron. and that's enough. who cares about the rest of them? it's just us.#just because it can only work in one timeline within one universe doesn't make it any less worthy. they found each other in this one.#and that's enough.#I think that's also part of what draws me to Megarod. these are both characters who struggle with their archetype/destiny/place in universe#so for these versions of these two characters specifically to find each other is fascinating.#meanwhile Soundwave is always loyal (unless Megatron leaves the cause) even as it destroys her and leaves her in so much pain#and Optimus will always stand against Megatron (unless Megatron leaves the cause) even as it breaks his heart to hurt someone he love(s/d)
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rewatching this over and over again.. mainly bcs tarn makes soundwave into a manlet but also bcs it's hilarious
#thunderhowl at the copilot doing Absoluteky nothing then being surprised when shadowstriker is unfamiliar with the terrain: :D#i get ure a theater kid but CAN U STOP BEING SO CRYPTIC#bumblebee moving to the wall like the only smart person#optimus just wants to find the source#had to include soundwave being the bitchiest person for no reason at the end of course 🩵 mi lady#somebody help tarn bro only has one arm 😭😭#hes not even using it against a wall or anything like hes just trying to keep his balance#everybody panicking while shadowstriker doesnt give a fuck#girlboss shit she does every day and no one cares it pisses me off yall need to appreciate my mean lesbian like yall appreciate her mean gay#bestie#thunderhowl :) bcs he wants soundwave to struggle probably. i mean at the cost of others maybe risking a concussion? sure#theyre both so petty but try to act too cool to be in their own lame ways. im obsessed with them#he was hoping soundwave was gonna land in his lap 💔#somehow from all the way back there LMFAO if his terrains can defy gravity so can his beloved annoyance ok. he believes#im a filthy multishipper so i need tarn and soundwave to have more fic & kiss too bcs it's literally tarn being like I Know What You Are#(a Bttm) to soundwave and soundwave having to screw his lips into a smile & be like teehee of course.. only to be like (u forgot the Brat*)#at the end like. why are they like that. tarn holding him by the waist with 1 arm being like i got u bbgirl meanwhile hes getting#60000 concussions and soundwave is trying So hard not too laugh.. TOO loudly. (tarn thinking hes so anime protag rn)#tf cyberverse#soundwave#tarn#thunderhowl#shadowstriker#bumblebee#optimus prime#maccadam#transformers#I CANT BELIEVE I HAD ENOUGH ROOM FOR THESE TAGS!
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it probably wasn't the smartest decision to start an ongoing 1000+ chapter webnovel when i know it'll consume my every waking thought but here we are
open for better quality | no reposts
#turning novel#터닝#kishiar la orr#yuder aile#when i tell you i read the manhwa in one go last night and then started reading the novel today bc commenters said it was good#and my god were they right#i'm 40+ chapters in so i've just passed where the manhwa is at rn and wow#first of all thank god there are high quality and easily accessible translations#second of all kuyu-nim has a way of making all the lines carry weight. the dialogue and body language cues especially#like i'm definitely not that far in but there are already a few lines i can point out that made my heart clench#and the tension between the two leads is so so palpable#kishiar is very enigmatic i'm very interested in finding out what he's really thinking and what his abilities are#and i really appreciate the way yuder's development is focused on him caring about others and relying on them#ok and third the fact that it's a slow burn romance but focuses heavily on the plot and politics and relationships is so good#based on the tags this could have been very tropey but they didn't go that route and i'm glad for it#in other news i'm upset about how yuder came out but i have to post him bc i will not separate them ;;;#thought kishiar would be harder to draw bc he's pretty:tm: and i struggle drawing pretty boys but yuder put me through the wringer fr#anyway!! i love them very much!! going a little insane over them as you can see!!
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use the cat distribution system in your recovery whump story. Do it.
#whump prompt#whump prompts#Recovery whump#cat distribution system is the best Deus ex machina to ever exist#Whumpee at their lowest point and unable to take care of themselves? Give them a cat#Whumpee struggling to find a reason to live? Give them a cat#Stoic whumpee? Give them a cat#i rest my case
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ive been thinkin about it today and ngl i am not personally interested in envy being a point of contention in leo and donnie's relationship unless it goes equally extreme on both sides, both of them yearning for the each other's particular confidence in their strengths while failing to understand completely that its just one big coping mechanism and not something that should be envied at all. not twins in the way that they complete each other and need the other to feel whole, but in the way that they always feel incomplete no matter what they do, always secretly undervaluing what they have already, and the other has everything they want to feel worthy as a person. i ESPECIALLY enjoy this dynamic if this is contrasted with them being extremely caring and supportive of each other even as they feel stuck in each other's shadows..... so much drama can be derived from the idea
#personal#hesitant to main tag. it will find my target audience anyway. heart#might try to gun for a dynamic like this in wwww. its just deeply compelling as a concept to me#leo envying donnie's intelligence and resourcefulness. his solid ''role'' in the family#the fact that he always seems to belong. he always has something to do. he's Important#while donnie envies how well leo just seems to Understand people. his silver-tongue. his perceptiveness#maybe donnie has a role but he struggles with feeling like an outcast outside of it#he understands machines and he communicates through them. people are harder#leo just seems to Get It. he can even convince people he cares even when he actually doesnt lol#and i like the idea of both of them being genuinely OFFENDED at the other's buried insecurities#because dont they understand how much they WANT that??? that strength???#and its a miscommunication that i find more interesting than them just naturally covering each other's weak points#works with how emotionally constipated they both are too
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Kiss Kiss Fallen Tree!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Sorry to everyone who was looking forwards to this comic only to find out I put WWX in the ugliest outfit.#Continuity came first. Plus let's be honest; he did *not* show up in anything fancy. Or in all black as seen in most fanart.#We are at the middle of WWX depression arc. His self-care was 100% because Jin Yanli would be sad if he didn't try to look nice.#Okay okay. Fine I've delayed talking about the kiss long enough.#It is absolutely a core LWJ scene over a WWX scene. Which is made even more fascinating because we don't get his POV.#But we get so many insights! His loss of control and his firmness all contrasted against how he trembles.#And all of that wrapped up in a wonderful self-loathing bow! You go Lan Zhan! You hated yourself so much for this!#WWX is a hilarious narrator for this because he is truly just...baffled by what's going on.#He would push the person away but he doesn't want to hurt their feelings or pride (putting other people first again are we?)#I do understand why this one is divisive for people though. I choose to look at it through a character/humourous lens.#I've seen people defend and admonish this scene as a particularly shitty thing LWJ did and let's be very clear here: It was.#That's why I like it. LWJ did a shitty thing and struggles with it. It's part of what makes him so robust as a character.#It's also fine if you enjoy this scene for it's eroticism. You're not a bad person for that. You are just A Person.#People will have their own experiences with this topic. Be kind to each other alright?
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I didn't see anyone talking about this, but it's interesting how many times Stolas writes the word "breath".
I mean, he's writing, he's trying to cope and express himself through his art and he's not succeeding. at least not in the way he would like, I believe. after all, his head can't focus, he's worrying about Octavia.
I don't think this is just an artistic choice, I think the number of times he repeats the word "breath" says a lot about the inner turmoil he's going through at the moment. the story is about him and Blitz, after all.
#I really like it when they put these little details#I mean I can be absolutely tripping but I don't think so#I find the way Stolas is acting very accurate with reality#I feel like they're putting a lot of care into representing his mental struggles#helluva boss#helluva boss stolas#helluva boss sinsmas#animation brain rotting#helluva boss brain rotting
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