#stressy stuff

[fcku-justletmelook]

update on the midterm situation: i'm gonna die. i've been working on this bit by bit all week and it's still nowhere near done bc my brain is so much slower than it used to be and i feel like i'm trudging thru molasses even with my meds and it's not fair, it shouldn't be this hard 😭

just sent this message to my instructor, hope she answers soon but it's unlikely since she works during the day

[ringlov]

Hi tumblr! It's been a long while since I last dared post any work here -- or anywhere online for that matter, I guess.

To celebrate this surge of bravery, here's a couple of my inktober 2024 doodles, from back when I went through an obsession with the gay pirates and pretty much only doodled Taika Waititi's face in ink for a whole month 🙃

[sincerely-sofie]

After 4+ years of wanting a pet… I'm now waiting on the arrival of some supplies so I can set up an enclosure for my future child… I’m picking out names for them atm… I’m gonna cry… it’s finally happening…

[vintage-tigre]

[shaykesqueer]

Last night I thought. I’m feeling kind of crap, I should do something creative.

And I thought about my overdue Christmas Cumulus redraw.

And then I played Gleaner Heights and watched the Terror instead 🤷

[tooselfaware]

Klein struggling to find his humanity. If it was me, I'd probably lose. His humanity is very depressy, which means I'd probably be more depressed and lose control or lose my humanity and lose control.

His letters to Mr. Azik will help Mr. Azik retain humanity, while also helping Klein vent and not lose control.

Let me just hide in my corner while I cry for them.

[lunasilvis]

I feel insane since I already do a (close to) fulltimer, but I'm gearing up the hours of work I put in my UX portfolio. Alarm set at 6 now every morning + work weekends until October 1st.

I really really want to finish all my work before the deepening of fall. This I plegded to myself. But writing out the research sections in particular (whilst ensuring it also looks "creative" and original, and isn't presented as just static, dry information) is incredibly time-consuming.

Yeah I succeed in keeping my head cool, but at times I feel all that is between my future life/realizing of dreams and now, is this darn portfolio and it feels challenging not to lose my shit over that and eat my desk whole lol

Again: patience, Michelle. It truly is a hell of a virtue

[chaos--mode]

might get a job at my lgs !! everyone please send good vibes my way legit i need this Very Badly 🙏

[moonbeamalice]

.

[wishingintotheunknown]

I’m just so tired of everything hurting all the time. I’m trying so hard to have faith and trust, but how can a God who is supposed to love me leave me here, like this? I have never been so alone. In so much physical pain, and mental anguish. I’ve never felt so pathetic. Worthless. Waste of a life.

[toomuchdickfort]

Puts on Star Wars stuff again

Remembers why I had to leave off

[dampincense]

when your magic house is heavily tied to your friend's psyche and your breakfast keeps disappearing.

[thedreadvampy]

Ok so like my partner and their partner are moving today, right?

and my partner had top surgery like 2 months ago and their partner has injured their shoulder so I'm like ok I love to move boxes I am super happy to come help if that's useful? and they're like yes yes oh my god please cause we don't know if we've got the manpower to move anything.

so I go on Friday afternoon I am knocking off work early to help them move. I block out my calendar. I work longer days Monday-Wednesday to balance it out. I also have to leave work earlier than usual Tuesday and Thursday so it's a bit like ok I can squeeze this in if I use up all my TOIL from the last few weeks.

I have also turned down two different requests to hang out this evening bc I was like ok no I have plans that evening cause I'm helping people move

They started moving at lunchtime because that's when the friend with a van was available. Ok. I knock off work at 3 instead of 5 and I message to say ok you've been at this a while, do you still need me? My partner messages back and says yes, we've just got here we've not even started unpacking yet and there's more stuff left at the flat, come on down.

It's a 25 minute walk and when I get there the things remaining in the van and the car are:

a kettlebell

a single box

a small bag

so I take those up. then I stand awkwardly around in the living room while their very loud friend talks very loudly and nonstop until everyone is overwhelmed. there's a sofa that needs to come out of the flat because it's full of dog hair and my partner's partner is super allergic to dogs, so me and the loud friend carry that downstairs. my partner keeps trying to direct it even though that makes it WAY FUCKING HARDER. we agree with the van friend that he'll hang onto it for now and load it into the van.

then I go back up to the flat and stand around for 20 minutes

eventually I'm like ok is there anything. I could be doing here?

and they look at each other and they're like no. nah. we're done for today. We'll sort through our stuff and set up and you guys come back in a couple of hours and we'll go for beers

and ok like this is not anyone's fault but I'm so upset.

Like I have been functionally superfluous here. I moved two things that other people were already about to pick up, and I moved a sofa that would have got moved anyway (although Jay would have tried to move it. but frankly it doesn't seem like they've tried very hard to Not Move Furniture before that so who gives a shit?). and for that I have basically used up my whole Friday afternoon/evening and lost 2 work hours for what?

"come back in a couple of hours and we'll go for beers" I didn't sign up for beers! I booked out this evening because I wanted to do physical labour and move heavy things!!! I wanted to be helpful!!!! If I wanted to have a beer and socialise I would have taken up the several other offers of socialising this evening!!!! But I don't want to now because I'm so upscuttled and upset that I can't even be around people, I am sitting on the back step in my garden right now because there is a risk of encountering 1-2 people in my flat!!!!!

and I asked before I left work if I was needed for this exact reason! because I didn't want to show up hang around and leave!!!!!

and "oh so your Friday evening's free now"? It's NOT FREE I'm AUTISTIC it's DENUDED. I'm not doing the thing I was meant to be doing but my brain still thinks I'm meant to be doing it so I don't have the capacity to do anything else!!!!! I'm just HERE.

[borealing]

really long comment on my fic with a few observations about things the reader is hoping for that give me massive writing fear jdksfhskjd like. this is the thing about other people reading oyur writing i guess, no matter what you intend people will always interpret it differently, whether this is accurate to what you intended or not. and with a longfic like the one i wrote i did prioritise comedy over plot in a few places so it's like...... i hope that just enhances the narrative for you lmaoooo

[amadaans]

today has been a shitshow at work, i'm so tired guys.

[iceeericeee]

currently sitting in the back of the camp store taping hangers in bunches of ten while listening to my Crowley playlist and honestly kinda therapeutic ngl