#storyline not even that depressing just a mess

[geniemillies]

it came to me in a dream, im so close to doing it (acotar style ofc ofc)

[thatwritterbeach]

One messed up bat pt.1

Dc masterlist all other parts found here

Batfam x femreader Jason x reader eventually

Warnings: angst, self harm, self hate, depression,

Summary:Y/n gets caught self harming by Damian, and Tim calls in some backup

A/N: I do not own dc booohooo ooc Tim, I don't spend much time watching/reading his robin sorry **^ so I can't remember if it's canon or from a fic but at this point who cares the storyline is all fucked so in this story I'm saying that Jason tried to call dick for help with his mom but dick was asleep/didn't pick up so Jay went alone and died, now Dick CAN NOT miss a phone call it sends him into a panic attack, thank you for coming to my trauma talk

ok so we all know the timeline is shit so this is the ages for this story only found it on a reddit post, fight me at dawn if you don't like it

Bruce Wayne (Batman) at 45

Barbara Gordon (Oracle) at 27

Dick Grayson (Nightwing) at 25

Jason Todd (Red Hood) at 22

Tim Drake (Red Robin) at 18

Damian Wayne (Robin) at 11

Y/n 21

not my gif^

(2 weeks ago)

"Y/n, you can't keep acting like a child you're twenty-one," Dick whisper shouted in the corner of the batcave.

"Dick, I'm not going to apologize for helping people-"

"You disobeyed a direct order. You could have been hurt, you can't be that kind of influence to Tim and Damian."

"You don't even live here, Dick, you can't just-"

"You're benched until further notice."

"You can't-"

"Benched," Bruce confirmed stepping over to them.

(1 week ago)

"Hey, Dick, do you have a sec," she asked into the phone then immediately bit firmly into her hand to hold back a sob.

"You're still benched," he said without remorse.

"That's not-you know what never mind." She hung up on him and threw the phone onto her bed heading to her en-suite bathroom to release the itch.

(present)

"Beloved! Beloved, look I-," Damian shouted with glee but cut himself off with a scream when he opened her unlocked bathroom door. He thought she was doing her face masks not...in the bathtub with blood dripping from her arms into pink bubble filled water.

"Damian wait," she called after his retreating form. Shit, shit. She hurried to drain the water and throw on her over sized t-shirt just managing to pull some boxers on when Damian burst back in with Tim, practically dragging him into the space.

"Damian what's the problem-"

"Fix her," he shouted with haste and was about to shove Tim into the room when he noticed y/n standing there looking fine.

"Damian, I'm ok, I promise," she tried to convince him softly. He looked from her to the tub, not even a drop of evidence in sight.

"No, you-I saw the blood. Tim she cut herself I saw it," he told the older boy trying to lunge for her arm but she side stepped him.

"Damian, give us a minute," Tim tried to gently shoo him away. Damian shook his head aggressively and latched himself onto her side, clinging to her like a koala. She combed her fingers through his hair and gently detangled him.

"Dami, Tim and I just need to have a quick chat, he's gonna fix me right up, aren't you, Tim," she asked, sending him a look that clearly gave direction.

"Yeah, kid, I'll take care of her, she'll be right as rain."

"You won't hurt yourself again?" He was giving her puppy eyes, looking his own age for once and it pulled on her heart strings.

"I won't," she agreed patting him on the head and crossing her fingers behind her back with the other hand. Damian gave her one last hug then hurried out of the room. There was an awkward silence as Tim stood blocking the doorway, his jaw ticking and toe nearly tapping.

"You know I have to tell."

"Please don't." She shook her head then grabbed the first aid kit beneath the sink.

"Let me," he said softly, taking it from her and getting out the supplies. When she set her arm on the counter for him to work he sucked in a breath. "Those are deep," he accused.

"I wasn't trying anything. I'm not stupid, just a heavy bleeder." She rolled her eyes where he couldn't see and hissed when he dumped alcohol on her arm.

"They almost need stitches."

"Butterfly stickers are fine," she said digging them out of the kit one handed.

"I at least have to tell Dick-"

"NO," she said so firm he actually stepped back to look at her.

"I have to tell someone, I can't watch you 24/7."

"I don't need babysat," she seethed.

"I can tell Bruce or I can tell Dick first. Either way you aren't doing this alone."

"I cant stop you?"

"Not a chance."

"Dick told me I needed to be a better influence for you. Sorry for fucking that up, but to be fair there's worse things about me. I tried to call him a week ago, I was feeling the um...the 'itch' so to speak but as soon as he picked up he told me I was still benched. I was so pissed that he immediately thought that's what I called for I told him never mind and hung up. You can't tell him that, after Jason you know he-"

"Hates missing phone calls," Tim finished for her. **^

Tim had every intention of telling him, he knew it would hurt but come on, she tried to get help. Of course she didn't ask anyone in the house, but he wasn't about to be offended she didn't ask the child or his newly adult self for help, and he sure as hell got the not wanting to tell Bruce.

"Why not Alfred?"

"Hmm?"

"Why didn't you go to Alfred for help."

"He deals with enough shit from the rest of you, coming in half dead each night."

"That doesn't mean you come second, and sure as hell not last, we love you."

"Yeah, well it doesn't feel like it most of the time." He was finished with her arm and she resisted the urge to yank it away from him. One of Jason's flannel was on a towel hook on the wall and she quickly put it on to hide the bandages.

"I'm gonna go make sure Dami's ok," she said gently moving him out of the way. The second she was gone he hurried back to his room for his phone, that he'd left on the charger and yanked the cord out. He hit speed dial 3, Dick's cell, and held the phone to his ear while he headed out on his balcony to totally not scale down the wall instead of taking the stairs. Dick picked up on the 4th ring with a tired sigh and a 'this better be good' Tim told him to wait a sec while he got way out of hearing range.

"Did Y/n call you last week?"

"Uh, yeah, why?"

"Did you jump her case and not give her a second to speak?"

"You sound a bit pissed timbers, cut to it and tell me what I did. I haven't slept in 37 and a half hours."

"And you call me an idiot," he snorted.

"Tick tock bro," Dick mumbled head already sinking into his pillow.

"She'd been cutting herself and she called you to ask for help, well, she didn't say that word, but she was calling to tell you what she'd been doing to herself," Tim stated with little to no remorse for the heart attack he'd just given his brother.

"She what," Dick shouted throwing off the blankets and grabbing his go bag.

"I assume you'll catch the next train?" The sound of Dick falling and cursing while he hopped into pants could be heard and Tim nodded and hung up. Thankfully because the author said so Dick had switched from his police job to a remote roll in Wayne industries he just stayed in Bludhaven to have his independence and not deal with Bruce more than he had to. Alfred insisted he come for monthly dinners and he did.

Tim went back inside to hunt for Y/n and Damian and found them having mugs of hot chocolate together on the kitchen counter.

"So, you're ok," Damian asked in a small voice using a stir stick to hold his marshmallows under the liquid.

"I told you, Tim fixed me, and he probably ran off to call Dick so he could come make double sure I'm ok. You don't need to worry, I promise I'll always be here to have hot cocoa with," she replied, crossing her heart and holding out her pinkie to him. He hooks his with hers and to her surprise continued to hold on, not moving to actually hold her hand but simply letting their hands rest on the counter pinkies linked. Not wanting to interrupt Tim quietly made his way back out, he still had some calls to make.

Jason picked didn't pick up on the first call, or the second but finally on the third he answered out of breath and with gunshots loud in the foreground.

"The hell dya' want," he all but shouted into the line dodging hits and getting in several of his own.

"Sorry, I'll call back later-"

"No, talk now, I got it under *way too loud thud* control."

"Just uh, get here as quick as you can, nobodies dying so-"

"Make it quick but don't freak, got it." And he hung up. Next was Bruce who surprise surprise didn't answer a call or text, so Tim left a message.

"Get off Selena and come help your kid," he said with more aggression than snark. (this doesn't feel at all like something Tim would say but i'm not familiar enough with his character to fix it)

This time when he went to the kitchen it was just Y/n on the counter Damian had gone who knows where.

"So who all did you tell?"

"Just Dick so far, he's on his way. Jason was in the middle of a fight so he's coming later but I didn't tell him and Bruce didn't pick up-"

"Shocker, dude nabs all these kids then can't be bothered to spend time with them outside of a Halloween costume," she scoffed rolling her eyes.

"You're not wrong but-"

"Oh, don't start Stan." She waved him off hopping down to wash the mugs not willing to leave them for Alfred.

9-20-24

[vidavalor]

*dings the bell* … I’m back.

My Ukrainian friend made potato salad! It has cucumbers, carrots, onion, & canned green peas in it, and it’s absolutely delicious!

Sooo… can I ask what moment/scene you found the most devastating so far? I guess The KissTM is the most popular but I wonder if you’ve spotted something even more heartbreaking?

Hi @procrastiel Much love to you and your Ukrainian friend & please thank her again for me for the recipe as we made it and it was delicious. 💕Hope she's doing well. The KissTM is pretty heartbreaking for sure but I had a couple of moments that I found at least equally as heartbreaking...

The blues below the cut. TW: Depression.

What really got me in S2, in terms of heartbreaking stuff, was the focus on the less "showier" kinds of depression in Aziraphale and Gabriel. I'm not dismissing the amazing Crowley story the show has been telling but it tends to be more overt. The story focusing on depression lingering beneath different types of exteriors-- those who project themselves as being upbeat and/or fine-- was really well-executed and it had moments as devastating to me as the kiss.

The "but that's for professional conjurers only" scene and, in particular, the choices made in Aziraphale's response to Crowley's "my Nefertiti-fooling fellow" response is probably my favorite bit of acting in the series entirely to date. Michael Sheen broke me into little pieces with the way he conveyed a lifetime of pain, depression, anxiety and sleepless nights in Aziraphale's eyes on the "professional conjurers" bit and the smile...

...I love how you literally watch the pain of it all melt off his face at Crowley gently reassuring him and the smile that starts and then becomes just a beam of love he can't keep off his face. It's gorgeous.

It's actually what makes The Final 15 hurt even more, really, I think-- because you know that this is what Aziraphale needed. It's the same core set of problems but he needed 1941!Crowley and he got AlphaCentuari!Crowley because of where they both were at in the moment. It just makes 2.06 even more brutal because it shows you how they do understand each other and how right they are for each other if they could just stop being idiots lol.

I also actually think this is one of the most intimate scenes in the show. It shows a lot of guts on Aziraphale's part to be honest about how he's feeling and that's courage that Aziraphale has in general but was lacking a bit in the present in S2. He lets Crowley in here-- which is the theme of all of it and what he's not doing in S2 very much, especially in 2.06-- and we get a scene where Aziraphale is vulnerable and hurting and trusts Crowley with it and Crowley is there to help him as much as Aziraphale helps Crowley. It's very sweet and romantic but in a heartbreaking way because of how it shows how much pain Aziraphale is carrying around with him all the time. The lovely bit, though, is how it also shows how Crowley knows and is trusted with it. That it all takes place in largely the same space as the mess in 2.06? Gah. Devastating...

The other storyline that broke me was Gabriel. I know not everyone has the empathy for him that I do and he can be a total jerk, no doubt, but I thought he was the best example of the show bringing in other perspectives on life in Heaven/Hell in S2. We had angles like Furfur and Muriel illustrating that life for those not on Earth is lonely, isolating and boring and that many are yearning to live a bit more. Crowley and Aziraphale have not had it easy by any means but we are given characters whose perspective is that they're jealous that Crowley and Aziraphale have at least been able to be on Earth and have one another this whole time, which is more than a lot of other angels and demons can say, and that's fair. Expanding upon the glimpses of Gabriel that we saw in S1 and showing that, really, he's more complicated than we might have expected, was something I both loved and was a bit broken by.

Essentially, S2 shows that Gabriel is actually arguably the worst off character of all of them-- Crowley and Aziraphale included. That he really had no one until Beez is shown on his face so well-- Jon Hamm and Shelley Conn selling Gabriel's depression and how healthy this relationship is in almost no time at all really shows how great they both are. Look at this poor bastard, though, really...

He has the worst job of all of them. The Metatron is really in charge of Heaven-- Gabriel's the pretty face, forced to keep everything going or be killed for disobeying. S2 emphasizes how much he and Beez did what they did at the end of S1 basically at gunpoint-- it was kill or be killed and neither of them have the power to overthrow anything on their own. They have enough power, in the future, to probably help sway some things. Gabriel's always had enough power to make differences where he could and he used it to try to protect people. He can be a judgy jerk but he also fundamentally cares about the people around him and he's been drilled for so long into believing that upholding Heaven is his only purpose and only reason for existence that he's even still mulling over the ghosts of those thoughts when he has his whole gravity crisis in S2, even when he can't remember his name.

This is the bit that got me actually teary, though:

Imagine being thousands of years old and no one's ever given you a present. You don't have a birthday. You don't celebrate holidays. No one's ever protected you or been on your side or even just listened. You don't have any friends because everyone is afraid of you and you have to put up those pretensions to stay alive. The people you spend your entire life with are out for blood-- they'd sooner see you stripped of your sense of self and tossed through the ranks or to Hell and take your seat. Your life is one, long, never-ending meeting with your abusive dad and charming personalities like Michael and Uriel and Sandalphon. For six. thousand. years. Gabriel had never eaten anything before S2. He's never slept. Imagine six thousand years of being the Senior VP of Climb Every Bullshit Mountain without ever having a lunch break or ever going home. It's kind of no wonder that Gabriel spent half of S2 taking a nap-- he's exhausted.

He's not from anywhere. He doesn't even have a desk. Is it any wonder that this poor bastard was already rebelling a bit in S1? That he didn't totally get Earth but he was sneaking down there to get tailored suits made just so he could have something that is his own and taking himself for jogs in the park so he could get away from everyone for awhile? He's vain, sure, yes, but really because his looks are all he has that actually belong to him. It's why Beez gives him a pass on the statue-- because they know that this poor guy doesn't have anybody but them. The humans immortalize him in marble like he's a God and everyone in Heaven and Hell is terrified of him-- and he's been terrified of trying to be real with others because who is he going to trust who won't stab him in the back?

All Gabriel has that is his own are his clothes and Heaven even takes that, too. Beez is the first person who has ever seen Gabriel as a person. Is it any wonder why Gabriel likes and goes to Aziraphale for help? He knows that Aziraphale is the only angel who is both kind and sorta sees him there sometimes. He's the only one who ever seems to consider that Gabriel might exist in there as more than just The Supreme Archangel.

Gabriel's memory loss is actually very much akin to the real world occurrence of retrograde amnesia, which can and does actually happen to people who have undergone traumatic events. (It doesn't happen all the time but it's also not as rare as you'd think it might be.) The mind shuts down in such a way as to intentionally forget everything related to the trauma in order to protect itself and that can sometimes result in a loss of identity. The forgetting, though, also frees Gabriel because when he can no longer recall the fascist system of Heaven that has been harming him for so long, the actual self that he's been repressing and hiding shows up.

I see a lot of people talk about Jim as if he's a separate entity from Gabriel and he's really not-- he's Gabriel without the self-protective airs that Gabriel puts on. Jim is really not much different from glasses-free Crowley-- they have the same approach to self-preservation. It turns out, when he's free from the toxic masculinity hellscape that is Heaven, Gabriel likes hot chocolate and tiny dinners and bookselling and is emotionally available and mindfully curious about everything. He's a lot of fun and he cares about his friends and is grateful to have them. He's still a snarky bitch sometimes but so is Crowley lol so... That Gabriel was so miserable before, though, I thought was really pretty heartbreaking.

Now that I've depressed you, we'll leave on the sweeter note of Gabriel torturing some humans to romance Beez...

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

[Not] Guilty Part 2

Part 1 

A few people expressed interest in this becoming a series. I had a storyline for it when I made the first ‘chapter’. I do warn you guys though I will probably be slow to post. I have a hard time when I feel like I have to write the next chapter of something. Not to mention I am currently packing (and procrastinating packing by writing) to move from Michigan to Tennessee for my new post-grad job!  

This is not a spoiler because I hinted heavily (told you really) at it at the end of the first chapter, but I did want to warn everyone- this has the ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCY TROPE. For those of you who do not like those stories, you have been warned. The case is mentioned in this story but is not its main focus, but what will become of the reader and Sonny’s relationship. (I may change the name because it implies otherwise.)  

Warnings- mentions of sex abuse, physical abuse, prison violence, suicide and accidental pregnancy trope (just in case you missed it ^)

Thank you for reading that really long author's note <3

The breakup should be harder on you. It was the longest relationship you had been in. The nervousness you had felt when you had crept up to the six-month marker and the kiss of death to every relationship you had ever had. It had come in like a lion, with you causing fights waiting for the inevitable, and out like a lamb when Sonny realized what the problem was. He had maturely communicated that he had no intent in letting you go. It had been smooth sailing for the most part after that. The relief you had felt when it all just seemed to work out. You guys were just a few weeks away from the year mark.  

The end was as abrupt as your cousin Randy’s arrest. The betrayal of Sonny going after him without any regard to you. Then the attempted railroading from him to you of Randy’s guilt. The whole thing had left you cold and numb.  

You knew Dominick Carisi was a good lawyer and now he could be the one to put Randy away for life. On a charge you were sure he didn’t commit. You hadn’t seen him much since the day you refused to let him into your apartment. You only saw him during court proceedings or meetings with him and Randy’s defense lawyer. Not that he hadn’t tried. He had called, texted, and stopped by your apartment frequently during the first few weeks. You were sure he thought that you were just overacting and that you would come to see the light of your cousin’s misdoings. Process and then accept what was going on. The only difference was you knew deep in your soul that your cousin wasn’t guilty. You wouldn't let anyone railroad you into thinking anything differently.  

Not even a man you loved. 

You had been actively avoiding him and any emotion that he provoked. You tried to ignore that you were a hot mess. The stress and emotional strain caused constant fatigue and churning in your stomach which had a tendency to make you sick. You had been trying to take care of everything for the case and still work overtime to continue paying your bills and for Randy’s pricy lawyer. You had even tried to get the money to bail Randy out, but Sonny had asked for an outrageous bond that even combined your working-class family couldn’t afford. You had tried to make up for it by putting money in his commissary and visiting once a week. Randy assured you he was okay, but it didn’t help make you feel better. Especially, when you saw the black eye and cut lip on your last visit.  

Today was court and it was Randy’s turn to testify. You sat there in support of him and tried not to wince or shift uncomfortably as years of family secrets were let loose in open court. It was to help show Randy’s character the lawyer had explained. It was smart but you didn’t have to like listening to it.  

Randy testified to his mental health issues. His bipolar that left him manic and on top of the world one day and then so depressed he couldn’t get out of bed the next. He went on to talk about the sexual and physical abuse he had received at the hands of his own father. How he had used substance to numb himself. He was in tears when he talked about how he could never hurt someone like he had been hurt. He would rather put a bullet in his head.  

He had tried to skirt around the question about his uncle. But when he was pressed, he talked about how he had witnessed the brutal murder of his father at his uncle's hands when he had found out and then watched his uncle be arrested and put in prison. How he had been put on multiple 72-hour psych holds in the years following. Listening to it all was hard and made you want to curl up in a corner and sob. It was heartbreaking to listen to. Randy looked and sounded believable- like a victim himself who deserved empathy.  

Sonny turned in his seat to look at you. You were only able to maintain eye contact for only a few seconds. It had been long enough to see the understanding in his eyes. The almost audible clicking of all the puzzle pieces of your life that you dodged around or refused to talk about when you were together were finally coming together for him. You could also see the frustration at you not being honest with him and him being blindsided in open court. 

When recess was called until Monday you had to keep yourself from running out of the courthouse and instead force yourself to walk at a normal pace. You couldn’t face any of the SVU detectives that you were once close to. You hear your name called and your body freezes without your permission. A Staten Island accent thickened with emotion. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

You can’t even turn back to look at him. You feel exhausted as you say. “You didn’t want to listen.” 

≪ °❈° ≫ 

You return to court four days later, and there is something strange brewing in the courtroom. You can feel it in the air. You can see it. There is no jury and the courtroom is empty. The rest happens in a blur. ADA Dominick Carisi stands up and tells the judge they had found further evidence over the weekend and they wanted to drop all charges, except for possession. They offered a deal on time served. You felt the tears rush down your face in disbelief. 

You find yourself in the hallway and a hand touches your shoulder from behind. You turn around to see Olivia Benson. “For what it is worth, I’m sorry.” Her face is sincere but all you could hear in your mind was the echoing of her words to you of his guilt and how it was normal to be in denial. It could take a while for your mind to be able to comprehend that someone you know, and love is capable of such malicious intent. “For all the trouble and for all this has cost you.” Even in your haze, you knew she wasn’t talking about the money you had put into Randy’s defense. “With his DNA in her apartment and on that blunt we really thought-” 

“Sharing weed with a woman doesn’t mean you're going to rape and kill her.” Your words are bitter and distant even to your own ears. 

“Of course not,” Olivia paused gathering her thoughts. 

“What happened? What did you guys find?”  

“Well, we went back over the timeline. We had a hard time believing Randy because when we interviewed him, he didn’t even know where he had been for most of the night.” You knew he had been hopped up on some pretty strong stuff that night. “Do you know the cemetery a couple of blocks from where we arrested him?” You felt like a bolt of lightning had struck through you. You did in fact know it. It was where his older brother had been buried after he committed suicide at twenty. “There was a security camera there that had been installed because of some teenager destroying headstones. It shows Randy there hours before Mary Moore’s death to hours after it. He slept there all night actually.�� 

You huff out a laugh. Thomas was Randy’s older brother by almost ten years. He, out of the three sons, had taken the worst of the abuse from their father. He had protected Randy and the youngest David until the moment he had ended it all, but it seemed even death couldn’t stop him from protecting his younger brother. 

You see Randy getting released, a bag of belongings in his hand and you start to head over to him completely forgetting that you had been in a conversation with the detective. You are only reminded when you hear her voice raise slightly as she says, “You know, Carisi is the one that started looking back at the timeline. He is the reason this case was dropped.” You freeze feeling something twist in your stomach. An emotion that you don’t want to deal with in this happy moment. 

“It doesn’t change anything.”  

You stride to Randy’s side and hug. You weren’t allowed to touch him when you were visiting him in lockup. He clings to you burying his face into your neck and you can feel the hot tears against your neck. “Thank you. Thank you so much for never giving up on me.” You hug him tighter feeling your own tears roll down your cheeks.  

≪ °❈° ≫ 

You were sitting back at the apartment curled up on the couch wrapped in a blanket as Randy was spending an ungodly amount of time in the bathroom. You smiled to yourself, just happy that he was home. Even if he was back to crashing on your couch. He joined on the couch, hair still wet from his shower. He leaned back into the cushions with a sigh. The two of you sat in silence processing all that had happened in the last four months.  

“I found a rehab program when I was locked up. It focuses on people with mental health issues like my bipolar. I called and they said they had a spot open for me. Someone ran out. Good luck, huh?” You laugh shaking your head.  

“Good to know you still have your positivity streak.” You lay back feeling absolutely exhausted. You had been having a fatigue that just wouldn’t go away. “I think it's a good idea though. It would be good for you to get that settled. Your being off and on your meds hasn't been helping. I just want you to be happy, and have a real chance at the life you deserve.”  

“Yeah, I know. I hope you know I appreciate everything you have done for me. Everything that you have had to sacrifice.” You say his name, but he cuts you off, “No, really Chickadee. All these years, you didn’t have to do any of it. Without you, I would have been dead or locked up three times over by now.” You reach out and start running your finger through his hair. “It’ll probably be good for you to have to space anyways.” 

“I don’t mind you sleeping on my couch.” You assure him. 

“I know, but with you being pregnant and all. I’m sure you-” 

“I’m sorry about me being what?” Randy doesn’t miss a beat. 

“Oh, come on Chickadee. I know you were trying not to make a big deal out of it because of everything that was going on but-” You shake your head at him, laughing. 

“Randy, I’m not pregnant.” The finality in your voice makes him turn his position to face you more fully. He quirks an eyebrow at you. 

“Are you sure about that?” His tone is one of disbelief as he eyes your form. You smack his shoulder saying his name loudly. “Well, I would check into that, anyhow. You know with the fatigue, upset stomach, morning sickness, and with how big those things have gotten.” He gestures to your breast with a wave of his hand.  

You look down at them and feel your mind starting to spiral as you try to think of the last time you had a period. You bite your thumb as you realize it was before the case had started. While it wasn’t uncommon for you to skip when you were stressed out, that was a considerable amount of time. “Alright, I’m kicking you out of my bed. I haven’t had a good night's sleep in almost four months.” Randy didn’t seem to notice your mind spinning. He thought that you were still just messing around with him. He had no idea the can of worms he had just opened in your head. 

You stood up numbly as he started making the couch his makeshift bed. Then flopping onto it with a content sigh. You say nothing as you go to grab your purse and head toward the drug store a block over.   

[adhdtsukasa]

totally not what i intended to post today but also whatever, we ball. pinocchiop is my favorite vocap and i'm very autistic about both him and wxs, so, to honor the song campaign clues that we got today, allow me to present to you the reincarnation apple wxs cover line distribution i did some time ago — and why, in my humble opinion, it fits wxs much more than it fits niigo,

(the lyrics where the color changes each word are where the characters both sing at the same time but my notes app doesn't have the option to do a gradient)

i'm in no way expecting it to be an official line distribution because i did it based on my personal interpretation of the lyrics — and i feel like dedicating almost a whole big part of the song to each member might mess up with the game cut, but i also really would like to see them have solos of those parts — but they're here to help me explain my point better my point. so!

what i like about wandasho covers is that they are performers — and it should give them more creative liberty when it comes to their covers. that's why the reincarnation in this song could be simply treated as them getting into roles, reliving countless lives as actors. even though the accuracy of the lines sung is always nicely welcomed, the covers don't have to always be 100% fitting. and that's fine. especially in wxs' case, because that is a yet another story that they want to tell us.

people often say that the storyline fits niigo but i... don't see it at all? i mean, yeah, ena as the artist and kanade as the savior, that much is obvious (and i guess you could also say that mizuki as a revolutionary, but that is kind of a reach?). but what about the part describing the inventor that matches rui's backstory so well? what if you put main story tsukasa in the artist's place and draw the similiarities? what if you think about emu as the savior, comparing the savior's unconditional love to her wanting to save wonder stage and make everyone smile? the only match that doesn't fit quite well is nene and the revolutionary, but you can't have anything i guess. and then the adventurer part, which is a call back to the our happy ending set (i set out in search of an ideal — emu deciding to go with wxs in order to expand her knowledge and horizons) (and then you know, the end has come with the reincarnation apple)... and then lines like i'm not smart enough and i don't have a great cause could resonate with how people viewed emu and rui in the past.

"oh but isn't the start of the song a bit too dark and depressing for it to be a wxs cover?" kami no manimani starts in a similiar way and yet it still is a wxs cover.

and, putting lyrics aside, it just doesn't feel like a niigo song from the instrumental alone. i'm not a music expert so i don't have strong arguments for it, but for me it sounds absolutely like a wxs song. it even reminds me of sekahaji in a way.

does that mean you're in the wrong for wanting niigo to cover it? nope! i just simply want to explain why it fits. and i don't want people to complain that it doesn't make sense for it to end up as a wxs cover. because i will cry.

tldr: reincarnation as a metaphore for acting save me

[moonxue]

Seokryu's rejection

"While I understand where Seunghyo is coming from with his proposal, which I had already wrote down last night. I would like to again, share about my understanding towards Seokryu's rejection but in a much more elaborated sense. This is my opinion and insight about her and her rejection.

Seokryu is a character that has been written to be the typical 'eldest daughter' in an asian family household. If you know, you know. She is the absolute epitome of selfless rather than selfish which some might see her with the way she handles certain situations. However, if you are seeing things in her perspective in a 'realistic eldest daughter of an asian family household' sense, I believe you will be able to have a deeper grasps of who she truly is as a character and resonate more with her life decisions. So, what does her rejection have to do with this? This is where I will tell you that her rejection is another selfless act and a reasonable one at that. 

Her reason was not something suddenly taken out of the blue just to mess with the plot. Since the writer has been consistently taking the storyline in a realistic way, of course, the characters' themselves have to match up by being realistic as well. Especially with the 'cancer survivor' trope they had went with since earlier episodes. From the point where Seokryu had been diagnosed with cancer, hiding it from her family and friends, to her remission or recovery, where she fell to depression and broke off her engagement with her ex. She has long been very firm about not wanting to become a 'burden' to each person who are dear to her. Including Seunghyo. 

It's easy to say that she should have already moved on from the whole cancer thing. Yeah, that is true, but that would then be an inconsistency in her character and the whole 'cancer survivor' trope they had pulled, plus all the struggles she had went through from the get-go. The writer is keeping the realism here. The reality of 'cancer survivors' and the struggles they still constantly face even after it, the constant fear of its reoccurrence, not just about death but how the cancer survivor themselves know how much toll and damage it could do to their love ones who would stick by their side as well. Seokryu has experienced it first-hand with her ex-fiancee. What more for Seunghyo, her childhood friend and boyfriend whom she values so dearly.

Thus, her rejection for me with regards to Seunghyo's proposal is not an inconsistency, a mess, unreasonable or selfish but rather the absolute opposite. Seokryu always sees the bigger picture in things even if they had not happened yet. She knows that marriage is a life-time commitment. She does constantly fear the reoccurrence of the cancer itself, but what she is more afraid of is becoming a burden and hurting Seunghyo when it happens. Her rejection doesn't mean she loves him less or doesn't love him at all, rather she loves him so deeply and values him so much to the point she would rather have him take a lesser blow with the rejection than him hurting more later, even if she wanted to accept his proposal deep inside. 

The last scene between both Seunghyo and Seokryu is a significant moment, most especially for Seokryu. Seunghyo who acknowledged and understood her worries and fears, gave her the perfect reassurance and answer which she needed. Hence, resolved her worries and fears as she now knows that Seunghyo is willing to go through it all with her. They both obviously love each other, no love outweighs the other. The writer showed us two deep acts of love with this episode. Seunghyo who is willing to go through a lifetime with her no matter how uncertain the future is and Seokryu who would rather carry it all, if it means it would make her other half suffer less. I believe this is what they call the 'self-less act of love'. Was it all necessary? I believe yes. It's a touching tale of their love story."

[kandyzee]

Fiona gallagher and pretty privilege

I think fiona is a great example of how being an attractive white woman can really help shape the way people interpret or misinterpret people's actions, and I've never seen someone talk in depth about it before.

I think one of the main things that stand out to me regarding the way fiona looks is how she is so often boxed into the character type of "sad girl victim." What I mean by that is that people view her as this young woman corrupted by sadness. She's cursed by her environment, and everything she does is okay because of that. Fionas story is undeniably sad, but she isn't always the victim, and despite everything she's gone through, she can mess up. I don't think shameless allows for these kinda characters cause their faults are always portrayed so strongly. Typically, u see teen girls grouped in together, like cassie and effy from skins, Tracy from thirteen. Even a younger character like Debbie isn't as frequently put into this box. Debbie has a devastating story, too. They both have scenes crying and breaking down. Vees heartbreaking storylines of believing she was infertile or having to help her brother her whole childhood are never touched on. People don't see Vee as a 'sad girl victim.' And too me this is because, put simply, fionas pale skin and big puppy dog eyes look better next to lana del rey lyrics then the others do. Fionas sadness and struggle is romanced into something desirable. We see fiona be 'desired' sexually/romanticly many times throughout the show. I think there's something to be said about the way people's admiration for fionas physical body leads them to admire her mental state, even if it's inherently negative at times.

I'm not saying fiona is undeserving of sympathy or in any way trying to downplay her struggles just because she's white and more conventionally attractive. However, I do think it's these traits that make people disregard her wrongdoings where they wouldn't with other characters.

Again, using v and Debbie as examples, their parenting is scrutinised to a much higher degree than fionas, even though fiona is the one who makes the most mistakes. People will in the same breath crisis Debbie for leaving franny with Frank and defend fiona for leaving coke out for liam to find. Realistically, people should be firm on the belief that Debbie's action here isn't as bad. Franny has a fun day out with her grandad, and Liam almost dies. From what I've seen tho a large number of people don't have this opinion. Why does fiona get more grace ? Because she's more conventionally attractive than Debbie!! (Not saying Debbie isn't attractive) Fiona with her slim body, full lips, sharp jaw line are much easier to forgive than Debbie's rounder face, red hair and freckles. V gets called a 'bad mother' most when she is going through postpartum depression. She has an extremely valid reason to be distant with her children. Still, when fiona acts unkindly towards Debbie when she's pregnant, it's fi who gets more leeway. Both v and fiona are extremely attractive, so why does fiona get away with more ?? Because people sympathise more with the white women. Fionas pretty privilege is only intensified by the fact she has white privilege also.

I might make a part two on this cause I think I have more to say, but this is it for now. I had never really thought about this before a couple of weeks ago, so my opinion isn't as defined and solid as it normally is. Can u tell ??

[very-straight-blog]

This might sound funny and cringey, but I feel like I lost something I cared about and now it's just sadness and depression. Like it's a TV show, I get it, but we waited 2 years and for what? To get the two worst episodes imaginable. I'm really starting to believe that Sapochnik was responsible for everything good in s1, bcz Condal and Hess ruined this show. S1 wasn't perfect and I didn't like a lot of things in it, but it still managed to keep me invested so I hoped that in s2 everything would be improved. And yet, I'm so terribly disappointed. Alicent's characterization makes no sense anymore, like they want so badly to show her as a bad mother and a hypocrite and really - after ruining bnc with Alicole sex now it had to follow with her not being able to console her son but hoping on Criston is a must do?? What sort of degenerates write this??

Aemond is also ruined for me and I would love to erase that crappy brothel scene from my memory. What was it for? To show his mommy issues, vulnerability... Idc. The dialogue was bad and they did him dirty with the angles and the pose. And now he's apparently going to be there *again* in e3 and we'll get full frontal nudity. Idk why the actor agreed to this since they are obviously making a joke and meme material of his character. Not to mention that he straight up lied in the promos about being loyal (if the RR leaks are true and I'm almost 100% sure they are). I get that they are told what to say, but a more general answer would have been much better than a lie. In brief, one of my favourite s1 characters is also destroyed.

Then Cole. My god, I only waithig for him to look at the camera and say "do you hate me enough already hahah?" He's the writers punching bag atp.

Helaena barely exists.

Otto is Viserys' fanboy and ofc, appalled by his grandson. It's not as he just has lost a son and was forced to take the crown in the first place by him and his mother, no less.

Aegon got more screentime and I love Tom's performance, but I'm not fooled. He is still depicted as weak, politically inept and rash. And he'll still be a bully, apparently. Just to justify his brother's treason. F*ck you Condal, Hess and whoever else is responsible for this mess.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I just don't get how anyone can seriously praise this shitshow anymore. It could have been great, but the creators are obviously not up to the task which is now painfully obvious. I wouldn't mind the greens as villains, but don't write them as a walking joke. I'm quitting the show and would like just to forget about it. This adaptation of the Dance was a huge mistake.

I feel you! By the way, I haven't participated in any fandom life, I think, for 10 years or more, but thanks to HOTD, I started this blog, I write some critical (well, kinda) reviews, and English isn't even my native language. I've been waiting for the second season for two years and now I just feel tired and empty. So far, the only thing I've liked about these two episodes is Aegon's storyline, that's all. Everything else is bad, very bad, and judging by the leaks, it'll be even worse.

Firstly, the series has a very strange pace of the narrative. We didn't get a bunch of important plot scenes, and even those that remained were shown in a hurry, but at the same time we have many scenes like "Rhaenyra stares at the dust for three minutes", unnecessary dialogues and PAUSES between lines.

Secondly, again, an insane amount of important plot details are left behind the scenes and this is absolutely wrong. Aemond's return home, the family's reaction to what he did. Aegon's reaction when he learned of his son's death. Aemond's reaction when he finds out what his actions have led to. And so on and so forth. Many of the characters' actions are shown without context. Alicent fucks with Criston - cool, but can I have some additional information? How long has this been going on, what feelings do they have for each other, how have they developed, like, anything? The same can be said about the scene in the brothel - no context.

Thirdly, it's unclear what's going on with the characters, as if the screenwriters decided to make the greens the most unpleasant people in the world. So far, I only like Aegon and Helaena. I can't even say anything about Aemond, because his only dialogue scene is built around Daemon and Luke, damn them. I just can't.

Everything annoys me except Aegon lol. So yes, I understand you.

[iwasbored777]

I know I already posted something like this but I wanted to be more clear and I gotta say it again: the writers completely effed up Peter and Gwen in ATSV and it wasn't Peter and Gwen to blame at all.

(Sorry if I made any grammar mistakes, I write English for years but some mistakes still happen)

Ok, with Gwen, I know she didn't have a choice and blah blah blah but it's heartbreaking to see how much people loved her and now I see such horrible posts about her (some are so unhinged) that it makes me wonder what the writers were thinking when they did what they did with her character. After so much time has passed since the movie was released all I hear is "Gwen is a traitor". I rarely see a person clever enough to explain the situation and many people don't care enough to explain or understand. They love what happened because they hate the idea of her ending up with Miles anyway so this is perfect for them. I swear I had no idea what they're gonna do, I thought she's going to be with Miles and on his side the whole time. And while I know that she's so much more than a love interest and she deserves to be more, in the first movie she was only the love interest and that's exactly how people see her now and will always see her like this. According to the audience she exists only to please Miles, she has no room to have a story of her own, which is why her storyline in this movie was kinda disappointing even to me who really loves her.

But Peter also... At least Gwen has a reason and he just doesn't. You can't tell me that a guy with a character development so great from the first movie, the guy who loves this kid and who started his own family because of Miles, who was depressed and desperate when he lost someone he loves, would tell the same kid he apparently loves "you know it's ok if your father dies bad things happen lol". It's crazy. And him receiving the hate that Gwen receives too, people going from loving him so much to hating him because the writers forgot how much they tried to develop him and Gwen, how amazing their team was in the first movie, and then destroying their dynamic for the sake of drama because they needed a conflict but the first movie was so perfect the only way to create it was to mess it up.

Yeah sure they'll be friends later, yeah Miles and Gwen will end up together, I don't have a problem with it because I love Peter and Gwen and I still ship Gwen and Miles and I don't want anyone who hates them with passion to show up here and tell me about how much they hate them. But they already ruined the relationships and the angst will always be remembered. Fandom is so goddamn toxic that they will keep hating on them, using any racist and misogynistic expression they can think of, and to be honest the movies aren't as enjoyable to me as they were at first because the reaction of majority of the audience made me realize how bad you gotta ruin your characters for fans to go from loving them to hating them so so much. Now every time I see news about BTSV I'm not looking forward to it that much because the story is already effed up. You can fix it but you can't erase what happened. The ending can be satisfying but the journey is not, at least to me.

And it's a shame that no one is talking about this, all haters (and there's so many of them) act like Peter and Gwen are characters capable of making decisions for themselves when they're just products of their writers. But, no. The writers are praised everywhere while Peter and Gwen apparently suck because their characters are ruined by someone who's controlling them against their will. The kinda got the similar treatment to Wanda in MCU, whom I also adore, she had character development and learned how to move on in WandaVision only to go through the exact same thing all over again in Multiverse of Madness because they didn't know what to do with her now.

I don't hate these movies, especially ITSV cuz it's a masterpiece, but I'm just so sad with how the story turned out. I will watch BTSV and I will make tons of posts about it just the same, and I won't make hate posts about this movie, that's for sure. I just wanted to say this. I look forward to hearing your opinions in the comments, as long as they're respectful to the characters. Basically I already said all I had to say here.

[lxkeee]

Good morning/evening.

*deep breaths*

IDK IF IT'S MY PRIDE BUT 👺👺👺👺👺I gets if others want a happy ending and if writter is going to make a happy ending BUT i can't I was so fucking pissed two sides of the same coin (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻ (at reader your works are amazing darling) LIKE GET OVER HIM HE CHEATER END OF STORY- plus I want to be petty and unsympathetic.

So if you're done with the story, can I have an alternative ending? Where Lucifer REGRETS AND GROVELS SO MUCH GRIEF to the point his begging reader to give a second chance breaking his pride, BUT OFC. So like in the story reader was chosen to do something about the extermination, so she decides to take a look at this 'hazbin hotel' and meet Lucifer (let's just add feelings because unlike me who doesn't give a shit because the past is past, sorry I just have a messed up head that if someone does something like this I get them to fall back in love and wait for a couple of months then announce that I'm dating someone else-- and see them panic HAHAHAHHA-) So girlies/boys who have same mind set as me your welcome-- they have bonding time and reader assuring him, stroking his hair that everything is ok and she forgives him, so this builts up the feelings he once and still has.

So after 4months and Lucifer constantly visiting whenever reader came down to hell to inspect the hotel. Lucifer accidentally walked in to reader and azrael(is that how to spell his name?) Making out. Lucifer first thought that Azrael forced himself on reader and punched azrael's face calling him foul names. Meanwhile reader and azrael looking at each other with a Lovestruck face still not aware that they parted and the short king cursing at azrael. After reader broke from the trance she happily exclaimed out loud that she and azrael are now dating, meanwhile lucifer:🙃

So Lucifer pulled reader into his room, talking about 'what about us?', 'I thought you forgave me?!', 'are you cheating on me!?'(BOY WTF--)

And reader just stood their dumbfolded giggling inside that Lucifer thought that she forgave him and they are back together, so she explains it to him EVERY LITTLE DETAIL. But he interferes with a 'WE ARE NOT DIVORCE YOU ARE STILL MY WIFE!' pulling anything he can.

Reader didn't gave shit and walk to the door, but Lucifer didn't gave up, he broke his pride for what? To end up even more depressed? So....well he fucked reader hoping she got preggy-

GURL DON'T BLAME ME- I HATEHIM AND LOVE HIM AT THE SAME TIME, sorry if this is to much of a bother 🥲🥲

-꧁ඩා꧂anon

.... Jaw dropped... Mind blown... Speechless... Op I can really feel your emotions through this ask 😭😭😭 The emotional rollercoaster I went through while reading this was wild asf LMAO buttt I already have a specific route I wanted to go through with the story and it can't exactly follow through this idea BUT I'll probably write this as an au though, I'm not making any promises but thank you for the suggestion but I don't think I wanna put our boy even more pain lol

Also, don't worry. You're not a bother^^ I personally think this is a wonderful idea but unfortunately I don't think it would fit into the current storyline, perhaps in a future work maybe?

[fractualized]

Zdarsky’s run on Batman ends soon, thoughts? 🎤

lmao I feel like I could either toss out a dismissive one-liner or rant for like a dozen paragraphs. Guess I'll go with the latter.

We'll, I'm certainly not going to miss him at the helm. I read Batman: The Knight, and even though I agree with the criticism of the end, it showed competent storytelling with a good emotional core, which is the most basic of standards, but let's be real, this is comics, I'll take competent any day. And when his Batman run started, I had caught up on Snyder-King-Tynion Batman and was excited to follow a run in real time.

I'd say I stopped having a good time when Bruce got sent to the alternate universe. Penguin faking his death was fun. Bruce being pursued by a dramatic robot version of himself was fun. Bruce again fretting about protecting the family was… par for the course. Calling back to Zur-En-Arrh didn't bug me because I hadn't read that full storyline yet, so it felt like a gateway to digging back into lore. Bruce surviving a fall through the Earth's atmosphere was too fucking ridiculous but the kind I can look past. (Imagine you're a DC writer. You have the idea: lol what if Batman got out of this by surviving a fall from the moon. You have opened that door in your mind. Do you have the will close it or would you be like FUCK IT LET'S DO IT?)

The Red Mask universe, however, dragged any momentum at that point to a stop, and I honestly don't care enough to dig deep into all the reasons why, which I guess gets at the core of what was wrong with the Red Mask universe. (Skeleton Jim Gordon was the most interesting thing but he was just a temporary side effect or something? Whatever.)

But, of course, since I'm a Joker fan, Darwin Halliday was a major sticking point as the most boring Joker to never joke. Nearly everything Zdarsky did with Joker was a major sticking point.

It still drives me crazy that from Snyder to the Zdarsky run, we had a Joker who tried to force Bruce both away from the batfam and Selina and back to basics multiple times, so their battle could be one-on-one again. We had a Joker who, after Bruce left him to die, was notably depressed and suicidal at the end of Joker 2021. He is still that way at the start of The Man Who Stopped Laughing.

And you could follow from that with the basic beats of what Zdarsky did. You could say Joker is disillusioned with his relationship with Batman, and that's why he turns to Zur-En-Arrh, a real Batman. But no, everything has to be too fucking complicated. We have do yet another retcon of so much other stuff and say that Joker always was looking for Zur. And we have to a weird take on Three Jokers because people were really biting at the bit to get a real answer within canon like a decade after Johns wrote that nonsense?? I don't know, I don't do marketing research, but I'm pretty sure if they just quietly never addressed it, it would be fine.

And the freaking Captio stuff. Ugh. UGH. I really just. I feel like this is a product of overthinking. "Well, Batman is so thoroughly trained, it only makes sense that Joker had at least some of the same training to beat him." No. Fuck that. We don't need that. Joker rivals Batman out of sheer audacity. I like that it doesn't really make sense that a clown pushes him to the limit. I like the juxtaposition of Bruce having to do so much training and learning to survive, but Joker is a cockroach revived by the narrative. I like Joker being a plague and a mystery that Batman cannot resolve. I like Joker being essentially absurd. No, it doesn't make sense, but he's here to stab you out of love and you better know how to dodge.

So much of Batman comics now are not about telling a fun Batman story. They're stories about Batman stories, just circling back and cannibalizing each other into a total fucking mess, and putting the city on the brink of destruction so much that those stakes no longer have meaning. There has to be a writer out there who wants to get back to just telling a smaller action/detective story that makes the reader give a shit about what's happening instead of feeling like maybe they're just not getting it, like they missed homework.

And I say that as someone who started reading Morrison's full run when Zdarsky's started so I could have the Zur background. I had to pause when Morrison's writing got to be too much (for the bad reasons!). I intended to jump back in again, but then Zdarsky's run nosedived and the effort no longer seemed worth it.

Especially when everything paused for Gotham War. Jesus Christ. The only good thing to come out of that was Rosenberg's second Red Hood issue. But speaking of Gotham War, I do wonder if there'll be an article years from now that will reveal Zdarsky had to deal with too much editorial fiat. He had to interrupt his Zur story not only with the badly executed Catwoman plot and the Knight Terrors, but cram in a Three Jokers explanation.

And speaking of Rosenberg, I can't end without mentioning that because he started TMWSL around the same time Zdarsky started on Batman, and they both had their protagonists dealing with other versions of themselves, man, there was such potential for a crossover event. Me and my pals had lots of fun theories about how these series would converge, because the idea that they wouldn't seemed ridiculous. There were two Jokers in TMWSL, and at the same time in Batman #131, Halliday seemed to have created three of them. I didn't like Halliday, but still, what did that mean? It would be ridiculous for those developments to be unrelated, right? RIGHT?

Joke's on us, as usual. 🤪

[eddiediazismyhusband]

One Fan’s Thoughts on 9-1-1 Season 7

(fair warning this is about to be a long ass rant post so buckle up; if you, like me, get anxiety over speculation and discussion of the show, this may not be the post for you to read… but i need to get my thoughts out there because i have kept them bottled up for so long that it is taking a mental toll on me.)

there’s something so gutwrenching about laying awake in bed thinking about how you have been the closest you’ve ever been to actually seeing a queer ship you’ve stuck with for six years actually going canon just to be hit with an immensely overwhelming sense of doubt because every time the story presents a natural path to develop in that direction, the writers completely veer off in an insanely different direction despite constantly trying to push this narrative of “if it goes there naturally” while ignoring the plethora of times it already has gone there naturally but has been passed over for some insanely far-fetched plotline that contradicts points that have been set up in the past…

i’m not trying to put a dampner on things or worry anyone, and like i mentioned in my previous post i am NOT closing on buddie, but i still can’t help but feel cinical and pessimistic about it when it feels like Tim is just blatantly baiting us at this point. Like at times it doesn’t even feel like he’s actually open to exploring buddie when he is constantly retconning his own storylines from previous seasons, and making excuses every time he deliberately chooses to ignore the countless number of chances that crop up in the story, instead deciding that because he wants to redo hitchcock he’s going to rewrite the history he created in order to fit a convoluted plotline that borders on farse just to a) not give fans what they have been begging for for years, b) shoehorn in his vertigo fanfiction, c) stir up drama rather than actually giving us something pointing in a positive direction to combat the 5000 other depressing plotlines he’s trying to cram into a 10 episode season.

i really thought tim was going to bring back the old vibe we had before KR took over and messed things up, but so far this season has felt like a jam-packed rushed mess that resembles a middle schooler’s first forray into a wattpad angst fic, and it’s disheartening to have sat with the show since the first season just to see it fall off so hard w s6 b, only to rebuild hope that things might go back to normal w s7, just for it to spiral even further into jump-the-shark territory.

And this is not just about buddie. There have been numerous times this season that have just been recycled plot points from previous seasons rather than something new and fresh, simply for the sake of melodrama. Old plotlines that had been seemingly finished are being rehashed and recontextualized out of nowhere, characters are getting entire traits and development completely rewritten and replaced with something almost unrecognizable to newer fans, there has been very little positivity within the narrative to allow us to breathe between traumatic moments, and the few positive moments we have received have been lukewarm at best, and have done nothing but cause derision and hate to be spread throughout the fandom.

PR for this season has been a mess. At times it feels like Oliver Stark is the only actor who exists on the show, and that Buck is somehow the titular character— not that Buck’s coming out storyline is not important, it absolutely is, but the entire season should not be focused solely on him just because of a two episode arc that honestly didn’t tell us anything new about him besides canonically confirming what we’ve known to be true since the second season.

We have cast members stirring up drama by indulging fans through paid video responses, and cast members on live getting asked to weigh in on fandom drama that they honestly have no reason to be involved in. We have news outlets constantly being approved by the PR team to ask questions about a popular ship to bait viewers into watching the show when there has not been any concrete evidence either way of whether or not they actually plan to go there, dragging things out for another season when they have no confirmation yet in whether or not they will get a 9th season (and if they do, probably coming up with some other bullshit reason to drag things out), confirming that certain plot points were planned to happen in the past but for some reason now they are like “but that’s not what we’re doing anymore so you have to live with present and be happy with what you get.”

There is no reason why 6 years can’t be a long enough time for a slow burn. There is no reason for characters to be given increasingly convoluted arcs that callback to plotlines that have been otherwise nonexistent for years at this point. There is no reason to drag fans of a ship along just because you’re too scared to lose they’re viewership rather than just flat out saying “no we aren’t ever going to do it” or actually committing to it one of the hundreds of times the story opens a path to it.

No, the choices made this season were not “the only way” we could have been given the same dramatic beats. The choices made have not been some sort of end all be all to the story with no other possible outcome. Tim did not need to send the show off the rails the way he has just because he wants drama. Yes it’s a drama show, but there also need to be moments to breathe. Yes it’s a drama show, but that doesn’t mean you can’t let characters be happy. Yes it’s a drama show, but that doesnt mean you have to fuck up the narrative every time it starts going in the direction of something the fans have begged for for years just because you don’t want to give it to them.

It’s disappointing to see how careless they are being with things this season when previous seasons the actors and writers have been so cautious about what was said about buddie. now we have every interview mentioning buddie in some way, yet we only get told “idk 🤷” and see nothing concrete in the story to firmly hint one way or the other. It’s disappointing when you start feeling like you are being dragged along because a corporation knows that ship baiting won’t ever actually backfire/have a negative affect on them, so it ends up being a lose-lose situation for the fandom.

Maybe it’s because I have been burned too msny times by TV shows in the past, but nothing about this season or the PR surrounding it has given me faith that Tim or the writers actually care about anything other than viewership. Otherwise we would be seeing clear signs of the growing seeds of buddie, but so far all we’ve seen is the same framing choices that we’ve seen in every other season that are being made to deliberately keep buddie fans drawn in and theorizing when the writers have most likely already thrown out any plans that there might have ever been for buddie to go canon.

Mostly, I am disappointed in the fact that Oliver has been so heavily involved in pushing buddie speculation after being so careful to not lead people on in the past- i know that some believe that this was a sign that buddie is coming and he knows it is, but as the season draws to a close it feels more like he is just showing where his loyalty lies even though he knows the show isn’t going to take it there. I am not blaming oliver for buddie not going canon or trying to insinuate that he is queerbaiting in any way, but i can’t help but feel like i wouldn’t be so dejected about the way this season is going if he hadn’t started interacting with and sharing buddie content before any sort of confirmation was given.

now do not get me wrong i absolutely ADORE oliver and i am not in any way trying to attack him or speak against him in any way, I am simply saying that his sudden vocal support and campaigning for buddie is only going to add on to my disappointment in heaps if they don’t make buddie canon, especially after JLH said Tim made Madney happen bc she asked for it, but he still hasn’t made any sort of definitive move towards buddie after the same amount of time.

and lastly my disappointment also lies with the fact that ryan’s acting ability has been wasted on this crackfic plot… ryan is one of the most underutilized dramatic actors on the show, and the fact that the only serious arc he has gottne this season isn’t even that serious because of how out of character and preposterous it is is really disappointing. ryan deserves better, and eddie deserves better, and it is disappointing seeing him acting his entire heart and sole out in a plotline that makes his character out to be the bad guy in the situation when this is something eddie would never do under normal circumstances. Ryan’s talent has once again only been used to show trauma and this time it wasn’t even trauma that feels natural within the story, and especially after his recent interview it disappoints me that we are once again reiterating that eddie is somehow mentally unstable enough to have an emotional affair with a woman he knows nothing about just because she looks like shannon. Eddie has simultaneously had so much yet so little development, and seeing some of the theories of where his character is going in the context of ryan saying s8 will be a “reset” for eddie doesn’t fill me with excitement over where his story is going and actually makes me worried that we are going to see regression rather than progress for the sake of drama… i just don’t want to see eddie’s character revamped to a point where he has lost all of his development from the past 6 seasons just because Tim wanted to turn eddie’s plotline into a melodramatic telenovela.

Anyway, sorry for the rant— maybe it’s the stuff that’s going on in my personal life combined with the fear of getting played by yet another network tv show ship baiting that’s making me feel this way, but this season has left me feeling so pessimistic and cynical about the show as a whole, but mostly about buddie and it hurts. I love both of these characters dearly, and i want them to finally understand that everything they’ve ever needed in life they have in each other, but it feels like ever time we are on the verge, another wild card is played and it’s getting old atp.

i don’t say any of this to cause an argument. i don’t say any of this to poke and prod at people. i say this as someone who has loved this show and given it 7 years of my life who feels like my experience as a fan is being shat on in favor of melodrama rather than thoughtful storytelling… not to say there haven’t been really good moments this season, but overall, it has really soured things for me the way Tim has handled/taken the narrative in many ways, and I don’t know if I will be able to watch season 8 until i see concrete evidence that things will be better. i am not kidding when i say this takes the spot as my least favorite season after season 6, regardless of if we get any hope or not next ep… and that is what upsets me.

[brsb4hls]

Belated (as usual) ep 2x6 reaction, uncoordinated and a bit focused on Armand, can't help it.

Solid. I liked the ep. It had a nice flow, a lot of stuff happening, some mild gore elements and great dialogue. Especially the Madeleine/Claudia stuff.

Not just the focus on one messy relationship, but plot with layers.

On Louis:

I'm not going to pit immortal monster against immortal monster, I like the characters, but the show framed Louis a bit different in this ep.

He came off as unsympathetic. Which he did not in the San Francisco storyline, that chronologically happened later. There he was an addict, depressed and weighted down by guilt and trauma, so even when he was ripping into Armand verbally you could still have empathy for him.

I wonder why there's a shift here, especially since Louis is still telling most of the story.

Now Armand:

He still seems to be the saddest, wettest cat ever. Even in San Francisco.

From a human perspective what he did to Daniel was absolutely horrible of course, but from a vampire perspective it was a pathetic outcry.

(From a vampire perspective him enforcing coven law, like burning a vampire, and going along with the trial is also somewhat justified. Human morals judge him differently, but he is not worse then any other vampire so far).

And whatever he does he still victimizes himself. He 'didn't have a choice', he was 'asked to do it', he did it 'out of love', Louis constantly disregards his feelings, doesn't really listen and so on.

I keep seeing posts about gremlin Armand and -no? Not yet?

I know what we've seen so far cannot possibly be the real him judging from a) the books and b) his background, but a tiny part of me still fears they might woobify him a bit, as far as you can do that to a vampire with a torture dungeon (books).

But yeah, he needs to go truely feral.

Because if he doesn't anytime soon I'll wrap him in a soft blanket and feed him microwaved blood in a 'kiss the librarian' mug.

I do hope he actually lied and manipulated his ass off, not because I like to see other characters suffer, but because he's supposed to be doing that.

Speculation:

I'm expecting one hell of a climax from the last two eps.

So, I'm actually entertained and a bit excited for next week.

I think it might end with the verdict and the aftermath will be the last ep.

They will dust Claudia and Madeleine on stage in front of the audience, hence the show during daylight, right?

That's gonna be really messed up.

Last thoughts:

On a lighter note, Daniel was deliciously annyoing, but also showed his vulnerability (he is a fragile human after all), that's usually somewhat hidden behind his 'no fucks given' attitude. Will he make it out alive? We'll see. I'll also take undead btw, as long as it's not dead dead.

Oh also, the dialogue in front of the blank wall right in the beginning? Yeah, someone was really proud of that huh? Neat.

[dreamsy990]

so 358/2 days, amiright? heres my thoughts

this game is just. god its an emotional rollarcoaster

i guess ill start with the things i dont like!! which is mostly the gameplay. i dont really mind the mission structure shockingly (i like being able to roam around but having a clear goal makes things easier for my adhd ass, and i think the miniature storylines are very good for the most part) but i simply could Not get into the combat. especially coming off of kh2 it feels so stiff and unfun to play the only part of the game where i enjoyed the combat was fighting riku at the very end. i think the panel system is okay but i dont like that levels take up space. why did they do that.

story-wise, i dont like the retcons!! a lot of the ones i take issue with are very minor but things like roxas only fighting riku once instead of the implied multiple times (even the dialogue doesnt make sense when you change that, why does roxas say 'how many times do i have to beat you' when theyve only fought once?) are the kinds of inconsistencies that just annoy me.

im also a little bit annoyed at the very concept of this game at all. i think roxas worked just fine as a character without this game. it feels sort of unnecessary in the grand scheme of things. also, xion. i love xion, dont get me wrong, but i dont think she adds anything to the series over all. thats not to say she doesnt add anything to this game because shes a great character and i love her, but shes just. kind of like this game in that if you got rid of her i dont think it would really change the narrative so much.

BUT DESPITE THAT ALL!!!!!!!! i fucking ADORE this game. it is genuinely so full of charm and soul that i just cant bring myself to dislike it. i think this is one of the best written games in terms of dialogue. every scene (at least for me) hit exactly as emotionally hard as i think it was meant to. i was laughing at demyx's antics and crying at xions death and yelling at saix and i think thats exactly how the game is meant to be seen.

days at its heart is a slice of life. its working a 9 to 5 its going through a depressive episode its losing friends its grieving its making fun of your coworkers its living. its a game about life and i love that.

this game really did make me forget that axel roxas and xion dont get a happy ending. i spent so much time looking forward to them making up that i forgot that roxas ran away. hell i almost forgot that xion died.

days is emotional and its story and its characters are just so fucking good. the conflicts all felt very real and you can tell exactly where everyones coming from. the way axel roxas and xion fall apart hits so fucking close to home. but god damnit if axel had any good communication skills like half of this could be avoided

its also one hell of a love letter to axel's character. hes always been one of my favorites (he recently earned first place) and i think this game does him a lot of justice. hes trying to do good. he wants to keep everything together he wants to be there for his friends he wants to make things right but he just cant. its just AUGH its so fucking good

that thing about axel's characterization really also applies to roxas. i dont have much to say about him beyond the fact that i think it does his character very well. also tism. hes so autism.

i kind of like the very limited graphics too. sue me i enjoy low quality games. the hands are not animated and they all have two expressions (blinking and not blinking) and their weapons are flat and im living for it. the very few fully animated cutscenes are good too!!

the (real, i dont count riku) final boss is unfortunately very easy. you can just stand directly in front of her and mash a she wont hit you its too easy but vector to the heavens did mess me up a bit. also earlier scene but "ill always be there to bring you back" with the other promise playing over it? fucked me up man. yoko shimomura is once again killing it

i cant believe roxas didnt get to go to the beach.

i have to give this game a 9/10. its writing is incredible but the gameplay could use a lot of work. its just not fun to play. but again the characters, emotions, and music all make up for that tenfold.

[raffe156]

Escape to the country part 4

Pairing - Price X MC (Tank) F!reader

Summary - This one broke me a little bit close to 6K but hope you love it strap in! 

For Luke I had this image of Henry cavill in my head sorry if he's not your cup of tea.

You can read the other parts here

A/N - I really appreciate all the recent feedback and asks! Please keep em coming! It only spurs me on haha feel free to reblog 💖

Here's some of the songs I listened to while writing this and what I think goes well with reading:

Mt. Joy - “Dirty Love”

Foster the people - “Lambs wool”

Tame Impala - “Eventually”

Beach house - “Space song”

Steve Lacy -”Dark red” (Of course)

Lorde - “Ribs” (This one is more for Tank & Kyle)

Phantogram - “Black out days”

Maneskin - “The Loneliest”

Young the Giant - “My way”

Sufjan Stevens - “Fourth of July” (Had to get the depression just right)

Warnings for the whole storyline - Under 18+ DNI,  angst, Smut, Language, mutual pining, alcohol,fluff, Age gap Relationship feelings, Price (39) reader (Tank, 25) 

Tags: @irnbru32 @shuttlelauncher81 @mildlyhopeless @mentallynot-here​ @deadbranch @soapyghost

I know I had more tag request but for some reason it wont let me tag you guys!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Call of duty characters Only Tank & Luke

——————————

You were sat at the kitchen table listening to Kyle talk about how he had had the best night's sleep of his life, you, on the other hand, had spent the last remaining hours lying awake unable to close your eyes as when you did your mind was filled with the images of Price and her, tangled up in his sheets, bodies crashed together, him whispering how she feels so good under him, how he wants her and she of course wants him. His grunts and groans, Images of them just being together in the house, walking around like she owned the place, cuddled up together in front of the fire…just like he had done with you…She must have been round more recently than Price had initially said for her underwear to be under his bed, he had said she came when it wasn’t even liveable so that now of course you knew wasn't true, you tormented yourself for the rest of the night wondering when she had come to ‘visit’ him.

“Take it you didn't get much sleep last night, I can tell by your face…I’ve seen that look before”

“What look?”

“The one on your face right now, you look like shit, sorry but you do Tank, what’s up?”

“Thanks…I'm just super tired, couldn't really sleep last night, unfamiliar you know me”

“I do an that’s why I call bullshit…something else is wrong…did something happen last night after I went to bed? I noticed you weren’t behind me when I went up”

You shifted in your seat, god dammit he did know you, knew you very well, but you couldn’t tell him the reason you had been up all night was because your Captain had shagged the Irish Doctor and you were jealous, well not jealous upset that he had lied…but yeh jealous because you had these messed up feelings that you couldn't make sense of and felt or at least had an indication that he felt the same way? Instead You looked at him giving him a weak smile.

“No nothing happened ha ha I came up not long after you, like I said just unfamiliar setting that’s all, but I could do with a coffee please if your making one”

Kyle could see right through you, but he thought best not to push and hoped that given time you would tell him what was going on in that head of yours, he only wanted to help.

“Fair enough, I did see that Cap got us that shitty cold brew stuff that we love so much? Want one of them? Perk you up a bit you miserable cow?”

His grin made you smile a genuine one. Even when he didn't have a clue what was going on her knew how to help.

“Yeh go on then, I’ll need it for this walk today…and just today in general”

“Oh yeh nature hike and a pub dinner didn't he say? Wonder if he’s even up?” Kyle glanced over at the clock on the wall 9:30am it wasn't like Price to stay in past 6, maybe off-duty Price was different?

“Wanna go wake him up? Ill make you a brew to take up to him?”

“Erm no you go wake him up, I got him in bed you can get him out of it…” you stopped realising that you had just dropped yourself in it.

“I'm sorry what? You got him in bed did you just say?” Kyle was on you like a rash. His face puzzled but intrigued. You shooed him away and put your hand out for your drink that he was withholding from you now for answers.

“Gods sake Kyle give me the coffee, I came down for a herbal tea because I couldn't sleep and he was down here drunk as a skunk so I helped him up to bed that’s all” you were getting tetchy now and Kyle could tell he’d touched a nerve.

“Oh ok, hey if you hadn’t he would of ended up sleeping down here I bet haha”

“Yeh I would have done and had a bad back to show for it! Thanks again for that Kid” Price walked into the kitchen as he passed you he rubbed your back with his hand. The heat you got from his touch would have made you smile normally, but this time it caused your body to flinch forward. The movement went unnoticed by Price as he made his way over to the kettle to pour himself a brew.

“Weathers just right for a walk today, couple hours out then we can come back get showered and changed and go to the local gastro pub for dinner how does that sound?” Price smiled at you both, but he lingered on you for a minute longer, his eyes bright, blue and hopeful. You returned it with a smile. You couldn’t help it, all you saw was her perched on the counter with a glass of wine as he cooked. Maybe you should just go home…

**********

Price glanced back at you trailing behind him and Kyle, your head somewhere else entirely. His stomach a mixture of butterflies and knots since this morning when he had woken up remembering how you had found him downstairs drunk, how you had been stood with just a T-shirt on, his T-shirt you had kept it, he thought about how it would smell like you now and how he wanted it back, or better yet wanted you two to share it.

If you hadn’t of stopped him last night he would have told you how he felt, how he had been feeling for some time and that maybe, just maybe you would be willing to give him a chance, and you would figure the rest out later, but this morning you seemed off somehow. Maybe you were just tired he knew how you could be with new places.

You noticed Price looking back at you every so often, each time you gave him a weak smile or just pretended you hadn’t clocked his looks. How long were you going to keep this up for? You didn’t have the right to be jealous, but the thoughts were swirling inside you making you stomach churn, he was going to want to talk to you at some point either about last night or just your shitty attitude in general.

“You ok back there, not going to fast for you are we?” Price stopped just a few feet ahead of you. His eyes giving you a secret “what's the matter” look as Kyle walked ahead to greet the herd of highland cows that had gather along the cobble wall.

“Im fine really, just tired couldn’t get back to sleep last night” you weren’t exactly lying. You glanced up at him finally making eye contact, he looked worried as though he had done something wrong, and he hadn’t, not really he had lied to you but it wasn’t really your business to know either he didn't owe you an explanation you just expected one and that was wrong of you, but you couldn't get the image of it out of your head every time you glanced at him there she was draped on his arm, nuzzled into his chest, face in the crook of his neck. Had he also given her this waterproof jacket to or even walked this same trail, what little trinket did he have in his room for her? It was bubbling up now spitting up an out you opened your mouth to speak but it was interrupted by a loud whistle, you both snapped round to see the herd of cows all marching away from the wall, but as they parted you noticed a tall man walking over to greet Kyle on the other side.

“Alright Pricey!” he waved over at you both his eyes giving you the once over before flashing a set of perfect white teeth.  Price gave a little huff at the interaction walking over to the wall. You followed close behind. Pricey?

“Alright Luke mate, how’s things?” Price nodded his head at the man. As you got a closer look at him he seemed to forget Price had even spoke and instead watched as you walked around Price to stand near Kyle who was halfway over the wall stroking a baby cow.

“Yeh…good keeping these lots happy is busy work but the best kind” Luke nodded back to the herd of about 20 cows.

“I’ve been meaning to speak to you actually about the dead oak that’s round the back of the houses, I’ve got a mate who can get it moved for us I meant to knock on yesterday but seen you had guests…” His words trailed off as he glanced at you again giving you a wink. He was a brave one you thought. Price puffed his chest out once again. He was obviously irritated by the situation. Did Luke live next door to price?

“Yeh I'll get it sorted, give me you mates number ill give him a ring when I get chance got my hands full with these two this weekend”

You waved as you introduced yourself, giving Kyle a kick to do the same.

“Didn’t know you had Kids Pricey” Luke looked you and Kyle over, he must be joking right? You peered over at Price who was giving Luke that eye-crinkling smile but the patronizing one that was only reserved for when you had fucked up big time.

“Hahaha no not my kids, Luke I’m not that old, workmates, both city slickers coming to spend some time in the fresh outdoors!” You could see Price edging his way back from the wall. You would be lying if you didn't think Luke was handsome, he was a slightly bigger build than Price, dark brown hair from what you could see under his beanie hat and a big beard, his eyes a pale blue. What were you doing? You were staring and Luke noticed. He gave you a cheeky wink again causing your face to blush slightly and a smirk to tug at the corner of your mouth. Price cleared his throat.

“Anyway best be off, doing the waterfall walk then heading to the hound for an early Dinner” Price placed his hand on your shoulder and ever so gently started to push you.

“Oh no worries might join you for a drink later eh? You can tell me all about the big city…” there was that smile again. He had a look of arrogance, but he wore it well you thought.

“Yeh might see you there…if not ill be round later for that mate of yours number” Price was now steering you away from the nice man, the stranger with the cheeky grin. Luke whistled his cows again still looking at you as you walked away Price firmly at your back. If Price could have his Irish Doctor, why couldn’t you have your country Farmer?

******

The walk had taken longer than expected, so Price decided that it was best to just head straight to the Pub it was a short 10min walk, you secretly thought it was so you didn't run into Luke again.

You walked into the old Tudor building it was cosy the smell of wet pine and slightly stale beer filled your nose. The door frames were warped and Price and Kyle had to duck under most of them. As the waitress guided you to your table everyone let on to John and the pair of you two asking how he was and how he’d been keeping causing you to have to stop every few meters. When you finally got seated you were greeted by yet another woman who was overly friendly with Price and gave you the cold shoulder. She was probably a pleasant-looking woman when she was younger but the years and the cigarettes hadn’t been kind to her, skinny and blonde with too much red lipstick on. She spoke to Price as if they were old lovers. Oh great another one you thought.

“Well its good to see you John, really it is, we should do lunch sometime do you still have my number?” She stroked his arm handing him a business card. Kyle gave you a look and you had to bite your lip to stop from laughing.

“Yeh Tracey was lovely seeing you too, take care” Price waved her on.

“Old flame eh boss?” Kyle was pretending to browse the menu while shooting you a grin. Price shook his head a slight smile creeping on his face.

“Yeh you could say that, but way back when we were kids” Price looked over the business card.

“I'm sure she married actually…”

*******

You had all finished your meals and were now sat out in the main room of the pub, An old fella named Tommy was singing country road on the karaoke trying to get people up on the small stage with him. Price had been asked 3 times to sing, You told Kyle you would pay good money to witness that. You had all had a few drinks by now and you were feeling a little better the vodka had numbed the images and you could look Price in the eyes not for long but it made the atmosphere less tense. Price had noticed you had relaxed he still couldn't think what had changed overnight he had rattled his brain the entire hike he hadn’t said anything had he? Had he come on too strong did you know what he was going to say last night and stopped him to save yourself and him the embarrassment of turning him down, he did think deep down he was being an old fool. You were a bright young 24 year old why on earth would you want to be getting about with a nearly 40-year-old man but he couldn’t help but hope?

He watched you sing along you and Kyle shoulder-to-shoulder arms around each other. Not only did you light up the room you lit up something in him and he wasn't ready to give up on just yet. He decided he was going to have chat with you tomorrow morning, but for tonight he would just enjoy you here with him.

Just as Price was about to get another round in, he watched as your attention turned to the door your best smile on your face. He turned to see Luke walking over to the table his eyes trained on you as if the place was empty. Price felt his scalp prickle with anger, but surely he didn't have anything to worry about, you weren’t easily flattered with a flash smile and smooth words you weren't like other women. He stood up to greet Luke with a handshake, a firm handshake maybe a bit too firm as it caused Luke to break his eye contact with you and pat him on the shoulder.

“Easy there Pricey, don't know your own strength nearly crushed my hand! How are you Kyle mate” Luke reached out his hand to shake Kyles, who still had his arm around your shoulder singing, Kyle was a lightweight.

“He’s a little bit drunk” you shouted over the current singer, now , mumbling away to UB40’s “Red red wine”

“I can see that haha and what about you, you want another one?” He flashed that cheeky smile again.

“Go on then Vodka lime soda please” You downed your current one.

“Adda girl, wanna come to the bar you can help me back with the rest?”

You nodded, you didn't need to ask Kyle what he wanted you knew his choice of drink off by heart, Price would have another Whisky. Without even looking back you followed Luke to the bar. He smelt of fresh-cut grass and aftershave, it lingered around you. Standing at the bar he placed his hand on the other side of you enclosing you against it his chest pressed to your back, he was a bold one you thought, but you didn't mind, you could see Price looking over in the mirror behind the bar, he looked pissed off, but the pang of guilt didn't last long as Luke was now in your ear trying to talk to you over the load music you felt his cheek brush against yours his beard tickled your earlobe.

“So what is your do? you don’t look like a lorry driver?” Lorry driver? Oh was this what Price told people he did?

“Ohh no I'm not, I work in logistics back at the depot” you smirked. Logistics? Not far off well it was way off but it was nice to pretend haha if only he knew.  

“Ohh so your the brains of the operation nice” His face a few inches from yours, you the brains of the operation? Price would be holding his sides laughing if he had heard that. The barmaid came over to take your order, she obviously had a thing for Luke as she was giving you the dirtiest look imaginable. But you couldn't blame her he was handsome. Your drinks came and you both made your back to the table. Kyle was now up on stage singing Neil Diamond's “Sweet Caroline” you gave him a wolf whistle.

“GO ON KYLE!!” Luke shouted above the crowd as they all joined in for the chorus. Price had a faint smile on his face but as he looked over at you it soon faded. Luke had made himself comfortable with you too comfortable for Price’s liking. As you handed him his whisky he tried to make eye contact with you and give you a ‘want me to get rid of him’ look, but as soon as he took his glass you turned your attention back to Luke and whatever he was saying that was making you giggle. His arm around the back of our chair leaning in that little bit too close, Price could feel his jaw clenching and turned his focus on Kyle who now had half the pub up singing with him. Even over the commotion, he could still hear you and Luke laughing, he could snap his neck he thought, it would be easy he’d done it before.

“So is there a Mr Tank” Luke cocked his eyebrow at you, you squinted your eyes at him smiling.

“I was just about to ask you the same thing, but no there isn’t, is there a Mrs. Highland cow?” You took a large swig of your drink nearly downing it. His eyes lit up.

“No there isn’t a Mrs highland cow, there was but we broke up about a year ago, she wanted to go live in the city and I wanted to stay here, thought I was going to marry her as well but things happen yah know” he looked down into his pint almost sad. You felt a slight pang in your heart for him. Loving something but having to let it go.

“The city isn’t all it's cracked up to be, not spent much time down here but I like it…could see myself living down here…” you meant it, you really liked the quiet and in your line of work you needed that escape. Price felt that telltale flutter in his chest at your words, you liked it down here and he was happy and willing to give you a home he thought.

“Well you’ve always got a room at mine whenever you want” Price gave your thigh a squeeze followed by a wink.

“I Don’t think Dr. O'Brien would appreciate us having sleepovers do you John?” You couldn't hide the snarl as the words left your mouth. Price’s face was a mixture of confusion and anger where had that come from?

Kyle and his backing singers were now onto their 3rd song of the night Kc & the sunshine band ‘Give it up’. Luke didn't have a clue what was going but could feel the tension like static in the air before a storm, so before the thunder rolled in he intervened.

“Hey come keep me company while I have a smoke…I’m dying to know more about the logistics of HGV driving” He tugged on your arm. You shot Price a look as you stood up, Luke draped his arm around you steering you out the back. Your blood was rushing through your body.

You weren't a little toy he could keep on a shelf to play with when he felt like it.

You were brought back round by the cold dusk air biting at your cheeks, you had forgot to bring your jacket out with you, but as if he had read your mind Luke opened his coat offering you shelter. He gave you a smirk at he lit his cigarette up with his other hand.

“Either get in here with me or you go back into whatever the fuck that was and get your coat? Your choice”

You didn't fancy heading back in so thought fuck it, and tried to wrap your arms around him he was broad and your hands couldn't quite reach so you opted for one clinging to the back of his jumper and the other resting on his chest and as you tucked yourself in he closed his coat over you both your face just popping out you could feel the sting of tears but blinked them away and instead basked in the calm warmth Luke was providing.

After a few moments Luke looked down at you.

“You ok in there? Warm enough?”

You nodded, this guy was a stranger not a few hours ago and now you were bundled up in his coat pressed against him, but you didn't care. Luke cleared his throat.

“It's not my place, but what’s the deal with you and Price? You guys have history or something?” He took another drag of his cigarette. History you and Price? Haha where could you even start? You had known him since you were 16, had been hand selected by him, fought side by side, been in dire situations and come out somewhat intact, you had taken a bullet for him he had kept your head above water. He reminded you that what you did mattered “We get dirty and the world stays clean” he had told you and Kyle that an you had both believed him. What you and Price were couldn’t be confined to just one sentence, so you didn't try.

“You could say that, but that's all it is history” you peered up at Luke his grey-blue eyes side-eyeing you.

“What?” You felt the slight flutter of butterflies. Luke didn't answer, instead he flicked his cigarette out and cupped your face pulling you up into a deep kiss, you opened your mouth allowing his ashtray-tasting tongue to explore your mouth. You could feel his heart beating fast under your hand as he tightened his other arm around you pulling you in closer. With one movement he had you trapped between the wall and his body trailing kisses down your neck. He smelt of cigarette smoke, beer and cut grass, it was different to Price’s cigars, whisky and smoked cedar but you didn't mind that.

“Tell me to stop…” he whispered softly kissing your jaw. You didn't want him to so you stayed silent, you looped your hands around his neck and jumped wrapping your legs around his waist, his hands automatically grabbing your arse. You continued your kiss, you could feel him getting hard through his jeans. Just as you both took a moment to catch your breath you heard the crunch of footsteps on the gravel path. It was probably one of the regulars coming out for a smoke. Luke put you down but cloaked you with his coat. Your warm breath mingled together in a cloud in the cold air. Luke gave you a cheeky smile his thumb stroking your cheek. He looked to see if the stranger had wandered back round to the front of the pub so you could continue, but his smile dropped. You heard the familiar gravelly voice of Your Captain.

“We’re heading back now Tank, Kyles had one too many” Your heart sank as he spoke you could hear the anger in his voice.

“Ok…I’ll be right behind you” your voice a low mumble. He must of heard as you could hear his footsteps walking away and back round to where he must of left Kyle. You dared to peek over Lukes coat seeing Price helping Kyle walk up the road.

“Where’s Tank, can’t leave her here Boss we come as a 3 pack!” Kyle was now clearly in distress trying to turn back around to find you, it tugged at your heart, but your were frozen to the spot.

“She’s alright lad, she's alright she’ll find her way back home” Price was rubbing kyles shoulder calming him down, pulling him back in the right direction. Luke looked down at you, his hand now on the back of your neck he pulled you into him for a hug and you let it happen, his slowing heart rate soothing you, you felt the prickle of tears forming and did you best to keep them at bay but one escaped causing you to sniffle.

“Let’s go have another drink eh? Getting cold out here” He kissed your cheek and lead you back inside.

********

You walked with Luke back home, he did after all live next door to Price. Luke made you laugh even though you didn't feel like it, it was nice.

“So do you run the farm by yourself?” You walked tucked into him you hand finding a loop on his coat to cling to.

“No I run it with my 4 brothers, so always someone to cover for me if I want to take some time off” He cocked his eyebrow at you, the hint didn't go unnoticed.

“Thought you didn't like the city?” You rolled your eyes dramatically.

“Never said I didn't like it, and besides think I have a reason to visit it more now” he pulled you in closer to him. You didn't mind the idea. Maybe this made more sense?

“An what reason would that be Luke?” You stopped just round the corner from the houses. Looking up at him a little smirk on your face. He answered you with a firm but gentle kiss.

“Good reason” you mumbled against his lips. You continued walking back to the houses, you glanced at Price’s house only the porch light was lit, the feeling of dread was slowly returning. Maybe he had gone to bed. Not that you owed him an explanation just as he didn't owe you one. You looked back at Luke he gave you that cheeky grin.

Would he still like you if he knew what you really did, would he still want to kiss you knowing what you had done. What about the scars that littered your body how would you explain them, you didn't have to with Price he understood he had ones to match yours. Would Luke understand? Would he kiss them and tell you he still thought you were beautiful? What about when you woke howling like a wounded animal in the night like you sometimes did, Price knew to handle you with care. Would Luke? When your bad temper flared would he know your bark was worse than you bite? Price knew it was. Stop it. Luke wasn't him but he was nice and you hoped he would understand all your shortcomings.

“Can I tempt you back to mine for a nightcap?” He looped his arms around your waist pulling you to him leaning against the wall like two teenagers. You thought about it, but didn't want to give him the wrong idea.

“Not tonight, but…” Luke stopped you.

“It’s ok I understand but can I at least get your number? Planning a trip to the city soon and need a tour guide” He flashed his perfect white teeth at you as he handed you his phone to put your number in. You did and gave him your direct line.

He lifted you chin up to face him, kissing you once again. He walked you to the door then broke away to return to his.

“Good night, city girl”

“Good night Luke”

************

You walked into the kitchen you needed a drink of water the butterflies had turned to lead weights inside your stomach.

“Have fun did we, he's a nice lad Luke?” Price’s voice made you jump, he was stood by the back door only the counter spotlights were on.

“I did actually,hows Kyle?” You tried your best to keep your voice level, even though your stomach was a pit of lava churning away.

“Oh he's fine nothing a good kip won't sort out, he's made a few friends tonight, but he's not the only one is he?”

“What's that supposed to mean John?”

“Nothing, how's that going to work out anyway? You going to tell him what you really do? Or are you just going to let him think you work in logistics?”

“I don't know JOHN! how does the Irish Doctor feel about what you do? Helen is that her name? Did you talk about it when she was here last? Bit of war criminal pillow talk? Bet she would love to hear about some of the things I’ve witnessed you do!” you were shouting now the anger crawling to the surface. Price was silent for a moment, his mouth upturned his brow furrowed.

“What are you on about? You mentioned her earlier in the pub what has she got to do with any of this Tank?”

“Really? You gonna continue to play dumb? You fucking dickhead!”

Price had made his way over to you in two strides, he was right in your face now.

“What are you on about!” The anger in his voice rattle your bones. But you stood your ground.

“I found her knickers John, under your fucking bed the other night! You said she came when the house wasn't even finished! It looks fucking finished to me! You had the cheek to lie to my face in this very kitchen and here, you stood here saying you had something to get off your chest, well get it off your fucking chest now JOHN!” You were raging. His heart plummeted. It all made sense now, he didn't want you to find out like that.

“…it was a one-time thing she was here, we were drunk…it didn't mean anything…like I said she talks too much…” He placed his hand on your shoulder. You shrugged it off. He could see the hurt in your eyes your lip starting to quiver.

“You know what it doesn’t matter you don't owe me an explanation…you know what never mind how Me and Luke would work, or you an Helen…how would this even work? Me and you? Tell me John…”

He looked you dead in the eye, he was starting to think he didn't know either, maybe he had been fooling himself. He knew what he had to do.

“You know what…It wouldn’t work, would it…” he hung his head, he couldn't meet your eyes. He felt hopeless. You were better off with someone else. Deep down you wanted him to tell you it would work, that you could make it work, but his expression had changed, you didn’t recognise him. No you did he wasnt John anymore he was Captain Price, your Captain all sense of familiarity gone just like that…

“I'm sorry if I’ve acted in anyway inappropriately this weekend, but just so we are clear our relationship will be strictly professional from now on” He glanced out the window, he was fighting to keep his heart from shattering. He wished he hadn’t looked at you when he did the light was draining from you like a dying star collapsing in on itself, he had caused that.

If only there was another way to do this, it felt like murder to put you through this, He had promised to never hurt you, but here he was slowly choking out the fire you had both started. It was better this way…not for him but for you he had to believe that or else he would cling to the hope and drag you down with him. Really he wanted you to kick and scream call him stupid and that it would work that you could make it work, but he knew you needed better, no you deserved better.

Inside you were screaming ‘Don’t do this to me please John” but all you could muster was

“Ok I understand, I'll get the train back in the morning. Tell Kyle I said goodbye…”

“You don't have to get the train back, I'll drive you…”

“No it's ok, I'm going to head to bed…Night John…sweet dreams”

“Night kid…sweet dreams..”

As you walked up the stairs and out of earshot, Price allowed himself to crumble slamming his fist onto the countertop.

Had he just made the biggest mistake, he wouldn't know as by the morning you were gone just like you said leaving a note under the Little tank in your room that read:

“Thanks again for a nice weekend John, yours always, Tank”

[chaifootsteps]

[Regarding Mental Health Themes in the Leaks]

((Substance abuse mentions))

Seeing Helluva be praised for how well it “handles mental health” because of the Fizz episode, makes me so so mad, because of how terribly they’re mishandling anti depressants, and have been ableist themselves. From using the R slur twice, to messing with captions as a ‘joke’

First of all they call anti depressants by the most juvenile name possible “anti sads” or something like that (are you fucking kidding me right now? That is not all that they do) they show a character who has just consumed strong alcohol, grabbing a handful of tablets, literally overdosing. And then he just casually sings a song and the substances show no real effect on him. They show the character consuming strong medication as if it’s candy, just for some extra drama. And he’s fine??

Ok. No. That is so, so dangerous. Not only does mixing alcohol and mood stabilisers completely fuck up your brain chemistry, it makes depression symptoms far worse. I don’t even think there was a substance abuse trigger warning in the opening.

And all of this is manipulation of the audience to justify this characters entire seasons worth of abuse of other people. Fucking hell.

It gets worse going by the leaks.

So…if I’m getting things right, when confronted for destroying the already broken family, the show straight up shames Stolas for taking anti depressants? And gratuitously shows how much he’s been overdosing on them, as Via finds a giant box of the things. He has a lot to be shamed for, SA, abuse, classism, neglect, but this isn’t one of them. How ridiculous.

Secondly, Via finds these and says ‘so it was a lie all along!” it spreads the negative ableist stereotype that anti depressants are a “fake happiness” that makes you feel emotions you ‘don’t really have” and that the medication is just someone running from their problems with a quick fix.

People are already so fearful of taking this medication and staying on it, even when it helps them, because of negative stereotypes like this. And it’s being used in a melodramatic, backwards abuser storyline. At the end of Vias song it just has the most awkward zoom in on Blitz giving Stolas his jacket, and him crying (big fuckin surprise) cradling the shameful anti depressants.

Hell, replace the medication with that creepy as fuck imp doll stolas has used as an unresponsive bedmate since he was a kid, and it would make more sense. They’ve even implied that Via disturbingly overheard the sex, but it’s never mentioned.

Shame on Vivienne Medrano/Spindlehorse for this one. Fuck them. seriously.

I don't know what about the depiction of mental health in HB is worse to me...that Stolas's antidepressants are part of the reason his daughter cuts ties with him or the implication that all he needs to get off of those "anti sads" is a relationship with Blitzo.

Both are horrifying, and both are irresponsible.