#storyline not even that depressing just a mess

[geniemillies]

it came to me in a dream, im so close to doing it (acotar style ofc ofc)

[thatwritterbeach]

One messed up bat pt.1

Dc masterlist all other parts found here

Batfam x femreader Jason x reader eventually

Warnings: angst, self harm, self hate, depression,

Summary:Y/n gets caught self harming by Damian, and Tim calls in some backup

A/N: I do not own dc booohooo ooc Tim, I don't spend much time watching/reading his robin sorry **^ so I can't remember if it's canon or from a fic but at this point who cares the storyline is all fucked so in this story I'm saying that Jason tried to call dick for help with his mom but dick was asleep/didn't pick up so Jay went alone and died, now Dick CAN NOT miss a phone call it sends him into a panic attack, thank you for coming to my trauma talk

ok so we all know the timeline is shit so this is the ages for this story only found it on a reddit post, fight me at dawn if you don't like it

Bruce Wayne (Batman) at 45

Barbara Gordon (Oracle) at 27

Dick Grayson (Nightwing) at 25

Jason Todd (Red Hood) at 22

Tim Drake (Red Robin) at 18

Damian Wayne (Robin) at 11

Y/n 21

not my gif^

(2 weeks ago)

"Y/n, you can't keep acting like a child you're twenty-one," Dick whisper shouted in the corner of the batcave.

"Dick, I'm not going to apologize for helping people-"

"You disobeyed a direct order. You could have been hurt, you can't be that kind of influence to Tim and Damian."

"You don't even live here, Dick, you can't just-"

"You're benched until further notice."

"You can't-"

"Benched," Bruce confirmed stepping over to them.

(1 week ago)

"Hey, Dick, do you have a sec," she asked into the phone then immediately bit firmly into her hand to hold back a sob.

"You're still benched," he said without remorse.

"That's not-you know what never mind." She hung up on him and threw the phone onto her bed heading to her en-suite bathroom to release the itch.

(present)

"Beloved! Beloved, look I-," Damian shouted with glee but cut himself off with a scream when he opened her unlocked bathroom door. He thought she was doing her face masks not...in the bathtub with blood dripping from her arms into pink bubble filled water.

"Damian wait," she called after his retreating form. Shit, shit. She hurried to drain the water and throw on her over sized t-shirt just managing to pull some boxers on when Damian burst back in with Tim, practically dragging him into the space.

"Damian what's the problem-"

"Fix her," he shouted with haste and was about to shove Tim into the room when he noticed y/n standing there looking fine.

"Damian, I'm ok, I promise," she tried to convince him softly. He looked from her to the tub, not even a drop of evidence in sight.

"No, you-I saw the blood. Tim she cut herself I saw it," he told the older boy trying to lunge for her arm but she side stepped him.

"Damian, give us a minute," Tim tried to gently shoo him away. Damian shook his head aggressively and latched himself onto her side, clinging to her like a koala. She combed her fingers through his hair and gently detangled him.

"Dami, Tim and I just need to have a quick chat, he's gonna fix me right up, aren't you, Tim," she asked, sending him a look that clearly gave direction.

"Yeah, kid, I'll take care of her, she'll be right as rain."

"You won't hurt yourself again?" He was giving her puppy eyes, looking his own age for once and it pulled on her heart strings.

"I won't," she agreed patting him on the head and crossing her fingers behind her back with the other hand. Damian gave her one last hug then hurried out of the room. There was an awkward silence as Tim stood blocking the doorway, his jaw ticking and toe nearly tapping.

"You know I have to tell."

"Please don't." She shook her head then grabbed the first aid kit beneath the sink.

"Let me," he said softly, taking it from her and getting out the supplies. When she set her arm on the counter for him to work he sucked in a breath. "Those are deep," he accused.

"I wasn't trying anything. I'm not stupid, just a heavy bleeder." She rolled her eyes where he couldn't see and hissed when he dumped alcohol on her arm.

"They almost need stitches."

"Butterfly stickers are fine," she said digging them out of the kit one handed.

"I at least have to tell Dick-"

"NO," she said so firm he actually stepped back to look at her.

"I have to tell someone, I can't watch you 24/7."

"I don't need babysat," she seethed.

"I can tell Bruce or I can tell Dick first. Either way you aren't doing this alone."

"I cant stop you?"

"Not a chance."

"Dick told me I needed to be a better influence for you. Sorry for fucking that up, but to be fair there's worse things about me. I tried to call him a week ago, I was feeling the um...the 'itch' so to speak but as soon as he picked up he told me I was still benched. I was so pissed that he immediately thought that's what I called for I told him never mind and hung up. You can't tell him that, after Jason you know he-"

"Hates missing phone calls," Tim finished for her. **^

Tim had every intention of telling him, he knew it would hurt but come on, she tried to get help. Of course she didn't ask anyone in the house, but he wasn't about to be offended she didn't ask the child or his newly adult self for help, and he sure as hell got the not wanting to tell Bruce.

"Why not Alfred?"

"Hmm?"

"Why didn't you go to Alfred for help."

"He deals with enough shit from the rest of you, coming in half dead each night."

"That doesn't mean you come second, and sure as hell not last, we love you."

"Yeah, well it doesn't feel like it most of the time." He was finished with her arm and she resisted the urge to yank it away from him. One of Jason's flannel was on a towel hook on the wall and she quickly put it on to hide the bandages.

"I'm gonna go make sure Dami's ok," she said gently moving him out of the way. The second she was gone he hurried back to his room for his phone, that he'd left on the charger and yanked the cord out. He hit speed dial 3, Dick's cell, and held the phone to his ear while he headed out on his balcony to totally not scale down the wall instead of taking the stairs. Dick picked up on the 4th ring with a tired sigh and a 'this better be good' Tim told him to wait a sec while he got way out of hearing range.

"Did Y/n call you last week?"

"Uh, yeah, why?"

"Did you jump her case and not give her a second to speak?"

"You sound a bit pissed timbers, cut to it and tell me what I did. I haven't slept in 37 and a half hours."

"And you call me an idiot," he snorted.

"Tick tock bro," Dick mumbled head already sinking into his pillow.

"She'd been cutting herself and she called you to ask for help, well, she didn't say that word, but she was calling to tell you what she'd been doing to herself," Tim stated with little to no remorse for the heart attack he'd just given his brother.

"She what," Dick shouted throwing off the blankets and grabbing his go bag.

"I assume you'll catch the next train?" The sound of Dick falling and cursing while he hopped into pants could be heard and Tim nodded and hung up. Thankfully because the author said so Dick had switched from his police job to a remote roll in Wayne industries he just stayed in Bludhaven to have his independence and not deal with Bruce more than he had to. Alfred insisted he come for monthly dinners and he did.

Tim went back inside to hunt for Y/n and Damian and found them having mugs of hot chocolate together on the kitchen counter.

"So, you're ok," Damian asked in a small voice using a stir stick to hold his marshmallows under the liquid.

"I told you, Tim fixed me, and he probably ran off to call Dick so he could come make double sure I'm ok. You don't need to worry, I promise I'll always be here to have hot cocoa with," she replied, crossing her heart and holding out her pinkie to him. He hooks his with hers and to her surprise continued to hold on, not moving to actually hold her hand but simply letting their hands rest on the counter pinkies linked. Not wanting to interrupt Tim quietly made his way back out, he still had some calls to make.

Jason picked didn't pick up on the first call, or the second but finally on the third he answered out of breath and with gunshots loud in the foreground.

"The hell dya' want," he all but shouted into the line dodging hits and getting in several of his own.

"Sorry, I'll call back later-"

"No, talk now, I got it under *way too loud thud* control."

"Just uh, get here as quick as you can, nobodies dying so-"

"Make it quick but don't freak, got it." And he hung up. Next was Bruce who surprise surprise didn't answer a call or text, so Tim left a message.

"Get off Selena and come help your kid," he said with more aggression than snark. (this doesn't feel at all like something Tim would say but i'm not familiar enough with his character to fix it)

This time when he went to the kitchen it was just Y/n on the counter Damian had gone who knows where.

"So who all did you tell?"

"Just Dick so far, he's on his way. Jason was in the middle of a fight so he's coming later but I didn't tell him and Bruce didn't pick up-"

"Shocker, dude nabs all these kids then can't be bothered to spend time with them outside of a Halloween costume," she scoffed rolling her eyes.

"You're not wrong but-"

"Oh, don't start Stan." She waved him off hopping down to wash the mugs not willing to leave them for Alfred.

9-20-24

[vidavalor]

*dings the bell* … I’m back.

My Ukrainian friend made potato salad! It has cucumbers, carrots, onion, & canned green peas in it, and it’s absolutely delicious!

Sooo… can I ask what moment/scene you found the most devastating so far? I guess The KissTM is the most popular but I wonder if you’ve spotted something even more heartbreaking?

Hi @procrastiel Much love to you and your Ukrainian friend & please thank her again for me for the recipe as we made it and it was delicious. 💕Hope she's doing well. The KissTM is pretty heartbreaking for sure but I had a couple of moments that I found at least equally as heartbreaking...

The blues below the cut. TW: Depression.

What really got me in S2, in terms of heartbreaking stuff, was the focus on the less "showier" kinds of depression in Aziraphale and Gabriel. I'm not dismissing the amazing Crowley story the show has been telling but it tends to be more overt. The story focusing on depression lingering beneath different types of exteriors-- those who project themselves as being upbeat and/or fine-- was really well-executed and it had moments as devastating to me as the kiss.

The "but that's for professional conjurers only" scene and, in particular, the choices made in Aziraphale's response to Crowley's "my Nefertiti-fooling fellow" response is probably my favorite bit of acting in the series entirely to date. Michael Sheen broke me into little pieces with the way he conveyed a lifetime of pain, depression, anxiety and sleepless nights in Aziraphale's eyes on the "professional conjurers" bit and the smile...

...I love how you literally watch the pain of it all melt off his face at Crowley gently reassuring him and the smile that starts and then becomes just a beam of love he can't keep off his face. It's gorgeous.

It's actually what makes The Final 15 hurt even more, really, I think-- because you know that this is what Aziraphale needed. It's the same core set of problems but he needed 1941!Crowley and he got AlphaCentuari!Crowley because of where they both were at in the moment. It just makes 2.06 even more brutal because it shows you how they do understand each other and how right they are for each other if they could just stop being idiots lol.

I also actually think this is one of the most intimate scenes in the show. It shows a lot of guts on Aziraphale's part to be honest about how he's feeling and that's courage that Aziraphale has in general but was lacking a bit in the present in S2. He lets Crowley in here-- which is the theme of all of it and what he's not doing in S2 very much, especially in 2.06-- and we get a scene where Aziraphale is vulnerable and hurting and trusts Crowley with it and Crowley is there to help him as much as Aziraphale helps Crowley. It's very sweet and romantic but in a heartbreaking way because of how it shows how much pain Aziraphale is carrying around with him all the time. The lovely bit, though, is how it also shows how Crowley knows and is trusted with it. That it all takes place in largely the same space as the mess in 2.06? Gah. Devastating...

The other storyline that broke me was Gabriel. I know not everyone has the empathy for him that I do and he can be a total jerk, no doubt, but I thought he was the best example of the show bringing in other perspectives on life in Heaven/Hell in S2. We had angles like Furfur and Muriel illustrating that life for those not on Earth is lonely, isolating and boring and that many are yearning to live a bit more. Crowley and Aziraphale have not had it easy by any means but we are given characters whose perspective is that they're jealous that Crowley and Aziraphale have at least been able to be on Earth and have one another this whole time, which is more than a lot of other angels and demons can say, and that's fair. Expanding upon the glimpses of Gabriel that we saw in S1 and showing that, really, he's more complicated than we might have expected, was something I both loved and was a bit broken by.

Essentially, S2 shows that Gabriel is actually arguably the worst off character of all of them-- Crowley and Aziraphale included. That he really had no one until Beez is shown on his face so well-- Jon Hamm and Shelley Conn selling Gabriel's depression and how healthy this relationship is in almost no time at all really shows how great they both are. Look at this poor bastard, though, really...

He has the worst job of all of them. The Metatron is really in charge of Heaven-- Gabriel's the pretty face, forced to keep everything going or be killed for disobeying. S2 emphasizes how much he and Beez did what they did at the end of S1 basically at gunpoint-- it was kill or be killed and neither of them have the power to overthrow anything on their own. They have enough power, in the future, to probably help sway some things. Gabriel's always had enough power to make differences where he could and he used it to try to protect people. He can be a judgy jerk but he also fundamentally cares about the people around him and he's been drilled for so long into believing that upholding Heaven is his only purpose and only reason for existence that he's even still mulling over the ghosts of those thoughts when he has his whole gravity crisis in S2, even when he can't remember his name.

This is the bit that got me actually teary, though:

Imagine being thousands of years old and no one's ever given you a present. You don't have a birthday. You don't celebrate holidays. No one's ever protected you or been on your side or even just listened. You don't have any friends because everyone is afraid of you and you have to put up those pretensions to stay alive. The people you spend your entire life with are out for blood-- they'd sooner see you stripped of your sense of self and tossed through the ranks or to Hell and take your seat. Your life is one, long, never-ending meeting with your abusive dad and charming personalities like Michael and Uriel and Sandalphon. For six. thousand. years. Gabriel had never eaten anything before S2. He's never slept. Imagine six thousand years of being the Senior VP of Climb Every Bullshit Mountain without ever having a lunch break or ever going home. It's kind of no wonder that Gabriel spent half of S2 taking a nap-- he's exhausted.

He's not from anywhere. He doesn't even have a desk. Is it any wonder that this poor bastard was already rebelling a bit in S1? That he didn't totally get Earth but he was sneaking down there to get tailored suits made just so he could have something that is his own and taking himself for jogs in the park so he could get away from everyone for awhile? He's vain, sure, yes, but really because his looks are all he has that actually belong to him. It's why Beez gives him a pass on the statue-- because they know that this poor guy doesn't have anybody but them. The humans immortalize him in marble like he's a God and everyone in Heaven and Hell is terrified of him-- and he's been terrified of trying to be real with others because who is he going to trust who won't stab him in the back?

All Gabriel has that is his own are his clothes and Heaven even takes that, too. Beez is the first person who has ever seen Gabriel as a person. Is it any wonder why Gabriel likes and goes to Aziraphale for help? He knows that Aziraphale is the only angel who is both kind and sorta sees him there sometimes. He's the only one who ever seems to consider that Gabriel might exist in there as more than just The Supreme Archangel.

Gabriel's memory loss is actually very much akin to the real world occurrence of retrograde amnesia, which can and does actually happen to people who have undergone traumatic events. (It doesn't happen all the time but it's also not as rare as you'd think it might be.) The mind shuts down in such a way as to intentionally forget everything related to the trauma in order to protect itself and that can sometimes result in a loss of identity. The forgetting, though, also frees Gabriel because when he can no longer recall the fascist system of Heaven that has been harming him for so long, the actual self that he's been repressing and hiding shows up.

I see a lot of people talk about Jim as if he's a separate entity from Gabriel and he's really not-- he's Gabriel without the self-protective airs that Gabriel puts on. Jim is really not much different from glasses-free Crowley-- they have the same approach to self-preservation. It turns out, when he's free from the toxic masculinity hellscape that is Heaven, Gabriel likes hot chocolate and tiny dinners and bookselling and is emotionally available and mindfully curious about everything. He's a lot of fun and he cares about his friends and is grateful to have them. He's still a snarky bitch sometimes but so is Crowley lol so... That Gabriel was so miserable before, though, I thought was really pretty heartbreaking.

Now that I've depressed you, we'll leave on the sweeter note of Gabriel torturing some humans to romance Beez...

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

[Not] Guilty Part 2

Part 1 

A few people expressed interest in this becoming a series. I had a storyline for it when I made the first ‘chapter’. I do warn you guys though I will probably be slow to post. I have a hard time when I feel like I have to write the next chapter of something. Not to mention I am currently packing (and procrastinating packing by writing) to move from Michigan to Tennessee for my new post-grad job!  

This is not a spoiler because I hinted heavily (told you really) at it at the end of the first chapter, but I did want to warn everyone- this has the ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCY TROPE. For those of you who do not like those stories, you have been warned. The case is mentioned in this story but is not its main focus, but what will become of the reader and Sonny’s relationship. (I may change the name because it implies otherwise.)  

Warnings- mentions of sex abuse, physical abuse, prison violence, suicide and accidental pregnancy trope (just in case you missed it ^)

Thank you for reading that really long author's note <3

The breakup should be harder on you. It was the longest relationship you had been in. The nervousness you had felt when you had crept up to the six-month marker and the kiss of death to every relationship you had ever had. It had come in like a lion, with you causing fights waiting for the inevitable, and out like a lamb when Sonny realized what the problem was. He had maturely communicated that he had no intent in letting you go. It had been smooth sailing for the most part after that. The relief you had felt when it all just seemed to work out. You guys were just a few weeks away from the year mark.  

The end was as abrupt as your cousin Randy’s arrest. The betrayal of Sonny going after him without any regard to you. Then the attempted railroading from him to you of Randy’s guilt. The whole thing had left you cold and numb.  

You knew Dominick Carisi was a good lawyer and now he could be the one to put Randy away for life. On a charge you were sure he didn’t commit. You hadn’t seen him much since the day you refused to let him into your apartment. You only saw him during court proceedings or meetings with him and Randy’s defense lawyer. Not that he hadn’t tried. He had called, texted, and stopped by your apartment frequently during the first few weeks. You were sure he thought that you were just overacting and that you would come to see the light of your cousin’s misdoings. Process and then accept what was going on. The only difference was you knew deep in your soul that your cousin wasn’t guilty. You wouldn't let anyone railroad you into thinking anything differently.  

Not even a man you loved. 

You had been actively avoiding him and any emotion that he provoked. You tried to ignore that you were a hot mess. The stress and emotional strain caused constant fatigue and churning in your stomach which had a tendency to make you sick. You had been trying to take care of everything for the case and still work overtime to continue paying your bills and for Randy’s pricy lawyer. You had even tried to get the money to bail Randy out, but Sonny had asked for an outrageous bond that even combined your working-class family couldn’t afford. You had tried to make up for it by putting money in his commissary and visiting once a week. Randy assured you he was okay, but it didn’t help make you feel better. Especially, when you saw the black eye and cut lip on your last visit.  

Today was court and it was Randy’s turn to testify. You sat there in support of him and tried not to wince or shift uncomfortably as years of family secrets were let loose in open court. It was to help show Randy’s character the lawyer had explained. It was smart but you didn’t have to like listening to it.  

Randy testified to his mental health issues. His bipolar that left him manic and on top of the world one day and then so depressed he couldn’t get out of bed the next. He went on to talk about the sexual and physical abuse he had received at the hands of his own father. How he had used substance to numb himself. He was in tears when he talked about how he could never hurt someone like he had been hurt. He would rather put a bullet in his head.  

He had tried to skirt around the question about his uncle. But when he was pressed, he talked about how he had witnessed the brutal murder of his father at his uncle's hands when he had found out and then watched his uncle be arrested and put in prison. How he had been put on multiple 72-hour psych holds in the years following. Listening to it all was hard and made you want to curl up in a corner and sob. It was heartbreaking to listen to. Randy looked and sounded believable- like a victim himself who deserved empathy.  

Sonny turned in his seat to look at you. You were only able to maintain eye contact for only a few seconds. It had been long enough to see the understanding in his eyes. The almost audible clicking of all the puzzle pieces of your life that you dodged around or refused to talk about when you were together were finally coming together for him. You could also see the frustration at you not being honest with him and him being blindsided in open court. 

When recess was called until Monday you had to keep yourself from running out of the courthouse and instead force yourself to walk at a normal pace. You couldn’t face any of the SVU detectives that you were once close to. You hear your name called and your body freezes without your permission. A Staten Island accent thickened with emotion. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

You can’t even turn back to look at him. You feel exhausted as you say. “You didn’t want to listen.” 

≪ °❈° ≫ 

You return to court four days later, and there is something strange brewing in the courtroom. You can feel it in the air. You can see it. There is no jury and the courtroom is empty. The rest happens in a blur. ADA Dominick Carisi stands up and tells the judge they had found further evidence over the weekend and they wanted to drop all charges, except for possession. They offered a deal on time served. You felt the tears rush down your face in disbelief. 

You find yourself in the hallway and a hand touches your shoulder from behind. You turn around to see Olivia Benson. “For what it is worth, I’m sorry.” Her face is sincere but all you could hear in your mind was the echoing of her words to you of his guilt and how it was normal to be in denial. It could take a while for your mind to be able to comprehend that someone you know, and love is capable of such malicious intent. “For all the trouble and for all this has cost you.” Even in your haze, you knew she wasn’t talking about the money you had put into Randy’s defense. “With his DNA in her apartment and on that blunt we really thought-” 

“Sharing weed with a woman doesn’t mean you're going to rape and kill her.” Your words are bitter and distant even to your own ears. 

“Of course not,” Olivia paused gathering her thoughts. 

“What happened? What did you guys find?”  

“Well, we went back over the timeline. We had a hard time believing Randy because when we interviewed him, he didn’t even know where he had been for most of the night.” You knew he had been hopped up on some pretty strong stuff that night. “Do you know the cemetery a couple of blocks from where we arrested him?” You felt like a bolt of lightning had struck through you. You did in fact know it. It was where his older brother had been buried after he committed suicide at twenty. “There was a security camera there that had been installed because of some teenager destroying headstones. It shows Randy there hours before Mary Moore’s death to hours after it. He slept there all night actually.” 

You huff out a laugh. Thomas was Randy’s older brother by almost ten years. He, out of the three sons, had taken the worst of the abuse from their father. He had protected Randy and the youngest David until the moment he had ended it all, but it seemed even death couldn’t stop him from protecting his younger brother. 

You see Randy getting released, a bag of belongings in his hand and you start to head over to him completely forgetting that you had been in a conversation with the detective. You are only reminded when you hear her voice raise slightly as she says, “You know, Carisi is the one that started looking back at the timeline. He is the reason this case was dropped.” You freeze feeling something twist in your stomach. An emotion that you don’t want to deal with in this happy moment. 

“It doesn’t change anything.”  

You stride to Randy’s side and hug. You weren’t allowed to touch him when you were visiting him in lockup. He clings to you burying his face into your neck and you can feel the hot tears against your neck. “Thank you. Thank you so much for never giving up on me.” You hug him tighter feeling your own tears roll down your cheeks.  

≪ °❈° ≫ 

You were sitting back at the apartment curled up on the couch wrapped in a blanket as Randy was spending an ungodly amount of time in the bathroom. You smiled to yourself, just happy that he was home. Even if he was back to crashing on your couch. He joined on the couch, hair still wet from his shower. He leaned back into the cushions with a sigh. The two of you sat in silence processing all that had happened in the last four months.  

“I found a rehab program when I was locked up. It focuses on people with mental health issues like my bipolar. I called and they said they had a spot open for me. Someone ran out. Good luck, huh?” You laugh shaking your head.  

“Good to know you still have your positivity streak.” You lay back feeling absolutely exhausted. You had been having a fatigue that just wouldn’t go away. “I think it's a good idea though. It would be good for you to get that settled. Your being off and on your meds hasn't been helping. I just want you to be happy, and have a real chance at the life you deserve.”  

“Yeah, I know. I hope you know I appreciate everything you have done for me. Everything that you have had to sacrifice.” You say his name, but he cuts you off, “No, really Chickadee. All these years, you didn’t have to do any of it. Without you, I would have been dead or locked up three times over by now.” You reach out and start running your finger through his hair. “It’ll probably be good for you to have to space anyways.” 

“I don’t mind you sleeping on my couch.” You assure him. 

“I know, but with you being pregnant and all. I’m sure you-” 

“I’m sorry about me being what?” Randy doesn’t miss a beat. 

“Oh, come on Chickadee. I know you were trying not to make a big deal out of it because of everything that was going on but-” You shake your head at him, laughing. 

“Randy, I’m not pregnant.” The finality in your voice makes him turn his position to face you more fully. He quirks an eyebrow at you. 

“Are you sure about that?” His tone is one of disbelief as he eyes your form. You smack his shoulder saying his name loudly. “Well, I would check into that, anyhow. You know with the fatigue, upset stomach, morning sickness, and with how big those things have gotten.” He gestures to your breast with a wave of his hand.  

You look down at them and feel your mind starting to spiral as you try to think of the last time you had a period. You bite your thumb as you realize it was before the case had started. While it wasn’t uncommon for you to skip when you were stressed out, that was a considerable amount of time. “Alright, I’m kicking you out of my bed. I haven’t had a good night's sleep in almost four months.” Randy didn’t seem to notice your mind spinning. He thought that you were still just messing around with him. He had no idea the can of worms he had just opened in your head. 

You stood up numbly as he started making the couch his makeshift bed. Then flopping onto it with a content sigh. You say nothing as you go to grab your purse and head toward the drug store a block over.   

[guilty-pleasures21]

The last of the real ones

No context, no explanations. Just words and emotions spilling onto my keyboard. Listen to the songs for the full experience.

An only child of the universe

The waves

Wet concrete pt II

This whole damn city

Does your therapist know?

Too good to be true

The only one

Warnings: descriptions of depression and panic attacks.

----------------------------------------------------------

"I wonder if your therapist knows everything about me ..."

9 am: alarm. Don’t hit the snooze button. Get up and open the curtains to let some sunlight in - sunlight makes you happy, she reminded herself as the bright light streamed in through her windows. Make the bed - seeing it in a mess would only put her in a lazy mood for the rest of the day. Shower and brush teeth. And she shouldn’t forget to play the radio on her phone so she wouldn’t have to listen to her thoughts.

9.30 am: breakfast. Two hard-boiled eggs and a cup of hot chocolate to warm her up. And her medication, of course. And the new book she was reading so she wouldn’t have to think about her thoughts - scrolling through her phone would only cause her to spiral down a black hole, so her therapist had advised her to keep it away from her while she had her breakfast. 

10 am: gym. She put her earphones in her bag so she wouldn’t be tempted to drown out her thoughts with more music. Instead, she looked around at her surroundings and focused on all the natural sounds of the world as she made her morning walk. The world is beautiful, she reminded herself, and the world is fine. It will keep spinning, even when you feel like you might die. She forced the corners of her lips up, putting on a small smile as she waited by the traffic light. Her smile stretched wider as she walked into her regular gym and made eye contact with the receptionist. 

     “How was your weekend?” X asked, stopping to engage in conversation - social interactions were good. In small doses, they fulfilled the basic human desire for company. 

     “Ugh!” Stacey groaned, jokingly putting her head in her hands. “My sister and her boyfriend broke up. Again! So I had to stay in making sure she didn’t overdose on trashy rom-coms and ice cream.”

     X snickered at the not-quite-joke and a small smile pulled at the corners of Stacey’s lips. 

     “What about you?” she asked, completing the customary greeting conversation. X’s stomach twisted into a knot and she quickly pushed aside any thoughts she had of … he-who-shall-not-be-named. A joke. Joking was good. Joking made her … less sad. Her therapist had wanted her to open up about him more, in the initial stages of counselling - because talking about him, reliving the good memories, would help her accept … what had happened. Would help her miss him less - but everytime she felt the sound of his name in her mouth, she would break down all over again until Bruce had told the woman that perhaps it was best to just avoid the topic all together. 

     “I … read my new book,” X replied, latching onto the first saving grace that blessed her mind. But now she had to elaborate - it was what was expected, after all. “It’s set in the Victorian era. It’s about this guy who’s actually the illegitimate child of an Earl - this high-ranking nobleman during that time period - and his father’s will says that he has to marry someone by the end of the year in order to claim his inheritance. So, he asks his neighbour to pretend to be his bride. And then they actually end up falling in love!” 

     “Ah, the ‘marriage-of-convenience’ storyline.” Stacey nodded her head knowingly. Then she leaned forward, her eyes alight with excitement. “What’s it called?”

     They chatted a bit more before X finally headed over to the lockers to put her things away. Then she put in her earphones, turned up her music and set to work. 

     She spent the rest of the day going through the usual motions - lunch, library, coffee, dinner with some friends so she wouldn’t be alone with her thoughts for too long - until finally, there was nothing left to keep her from her bed. X opened the door to her apartment and leaned back against it once she’d locked it again, surveying the empty and darkened space. She sucked in a breath and forced a smile onto her face, then turned on the lights and began getting herself ready for bed. 

     But it was still too early for sleep - she needed to maintain a regular sleep schedule, her therapist would always tell her, and minimise her use of the insomnia pills her psychiatrist had given her. X sighed and grabbed her phone as she sank onto the sofa, preparing to scroll through her social media while the television droned on in the background. She thought she was doing fine, distracting herself from the cold silence sneaking around behind her,  waiting for her to look it in the eye and give it permission to devour her whole ... 

     But suddenly, she couldn’t breathe. 

     She dropped her phone onto the cushion and reached for her chest as she doubled over, the panic spreading through her veins and filling up her lungs and nose and eyes and everywhere! It was everywhere and it wouldn’t stop and she couldn’t breathe and it hurt - it hurt, hurt, hurt. It hurt so bad, her heart pounding in her chest in terror, begging to be let out, beating against her ribs as she tried and tried and tried to pull down a breath. Just one breath, just one breath. She fumbled around the sofa, reaching for phone, then she dialled the one person she knew would always pick up, no matter what. 

     “X?” Dick asked, his voice smooth and calm and so, very far away. X gasped into the phone, desperately trying to swallow down whatever air her lungs would permit, and Dick’s voice grew louder. “X, slow down. You’re okay, X, just slow down. You gonna slow down for me? Please?” 

     X nodded and clutched her phone with both hands as she forced her shallow breaths to slow down. She inhaled deeply, allowing the air to enter her lungs naturally rather than trying to pull it down. “J-Jay-”

     “I know, X, I know,” Dick reassured her, his voice soft and gentle and understanding. He understood. He understood and he’d gone through it too and he was okay. He was okay and he would be okay in spite of everything, so maybe she could be okay too. “Can you switch to video for me, X? Can you do that for me, please?” 

     She sucked in another shaky breath, then swiped up on the video button. Dick’s face filled the screen, his lips stretching into a delighted smile when he saw her - because he was happy to see her, even when she was a mess, even when she was a sobbing wreck who couldn’t get over her grief - and immediately, her stomach began slowly trying to untwist itself. 

     “Hey, little nightingale,” he greeted her, no judgement whatsoever in his voice - his calm and understanding voice. “We’re going to do our breathing exercises, okay? I’m going to need you to do them with me, X. Can you do that for me? Please?” 

     X nodded and Dick began narrating the breathing exercises her therapist had taught her. “Okay, let’s breathe in first and count to four. You ready, X? Breathe in, two, three, four, hold, two, three, four, out, two, three, four, hold, two, three, four.” 

     X followed his instructions, focusing on nothing but making each breath last for as long as he told her to. They repeated the exercise a few more times until finally, she felt her body stop trying to fight her. Dick waited patiently as she brushed the tears and snot off her face, then he flashed her another one of those understanding smiles. 

     “Hey, we’re okay, right, X?” he asked softly, his tone so reassuring that it chased away any remaining fear that continued to slink around her body. “You and me, together?” 

     ‘Together’. That was what had brought them this far. Pain was always easier when you were dealing with it ‘together’ - when you had someone to share it with sometimes. X nodded in agreement and forced her lips into the smallest of smiles - because smiling also made everything seem just a little less heavy. 

     “You know your big bro’s always going to be here to protect you, right, X?” Dick continued. “I mean, I am kind of the greatest superhero to have ever walked this Earth.” 

     He shrugged nonchalantly, as if it wasn’t such a big deal to make such a bold statement, and a soft chuckle fell from X’s lips at his joke. Dick grinned, his smile widening from one of understanding to one of joy - of relief and genuine happiness - and X felt her lips stretch just a little more too. 

     “There’s that smile we all love and fear,” he joked, coaxing another small snicker from X’s lips. “I’m gonna come by tomorrow if you haven’t got anything on. Do you need more candy? You’d better not have finished the last pack I got you! It was supposed to last three months, at least!” 

     X glanced around her living room, studiously avoiding Dick’s gaze as a guilty little smile crossed her lips. “Uh, … I might need just a little more candy? Maybe?” 

     Dick groaned and X’s next laugh was just a little louder than the last one - just a little longer. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay, little nightingale? I’ll keep my phone on tonight so you can reach me if anything.” 

     “Okay,” X agreed, a wave of gratitude sweeping her up and bathing her in its comforting warmth. “See you tomorrow. Bye, Dick, I love you!” 

     Dick softened at her words. “I love you too, little nightingale.”

Tags: @stormz369

[maxdibert]

To comment further on your and anon's take on the problematic of female characters in JKR:s writing, I find Nymphadora Tonks an interesting example because she was this cool, a bit tomboy character in OOtP, but suddenly, in HBP she was depressed until Lupin apparently "accepted" her love -- for me, it has always felt like Tonks and Lupin was coming out of nowhere, like that JKR desperately wanted (in her own weird standards) to make Tonks "one of the good women" who found themselves a man and was with child. But yeah I 100% agree on your take.

I totally get what you're saying, and I think you're spot-on in pointing out how Tonks is another example of Rowling falling into stereotypical depictions of women, even when they’re “not like the other girls.” Tonks is initially introduced as this quirky, rebellious, and independent adult—a colorful-haired, cool "older sister" vibe with her clumsiness and confidence. But, like you said, she isn’t allowed to just be that. She’s an adult, so Rowling shoehorns her into this rigid framework where, apparently, the only way for her to be a "good woman" is to fulfill traditional roles of being a wife and mother.

What’s especially frustrating is how Tonks’ storyline revolves almost entirely around Lupin once they’re paired up. Suddenly, this competent Auror—someone who’s been through training, fights in the Order, and clearly holds her own in battle—becomes this desperate, pining character whose personality shrinks down to whether or not Lupin reciprocates her feelings. And then, as soon as she gets pregnant, her entire narrative becomes about her role as a wife and soon-to-be mother. It’s wild because, while Lupin is allowed his internal conflict and angst about being “too old” or “too dangerous” for her, Tonks isn’t given any real depth to her own feelings. She just waits for him, forgives him, and keeps chasing after him even when he abandons her while she’s pregnant.

This ties into a broader problem with Rowling’s portrayal of women throughout the series. Female characters who are independent or rebellious—like Tonks, or even Ginny in her early days—are either eventually folded into traditional roles (wife, mother) or dismissed entirely. Meanwhile, male characters, no matter how flawed, are given space to grow, mess up, and be forgiven. Lupin is painted as a tragic hero even when he tries to run away from his responsibilities. His actions, abandoning Tonks and his unborn child, are treated as a moment of weakness for him rather than the profoundly selfish act it is. But Tonks? She just has to deal with it, accept him back, and ultimately sacrifice herself in battle because, of course, Rowling couldn’t even let her live to raise her child.

The infantilization of male characters and the way their flaws are excused is a pattern in Rowling’s writing. Think of how Severu's problematic traits are sided away at the end not with a good explanation but just because he “loved” Lily, or how Dumbledore’s manipulative behavior is seen as wise and noble. With women, there’s rarely this kind of nuance. Women are either maternal and nurturing (Molly Weasley, McGonagall in her own way) or they’re sidelined, mocked, or villainized (Rita Skeeter, Aunt Marge, Umbridge or even more "positive" characters like Fleur Delacour, even Hermione to some extent when her intelligence is played for laughs or dismissed by others).

Tonks’ trajectory is particularly tragic because she starts as such a promising character. She could have been a beacon of what it means to be a strong, independent woman in Rowling’s world. But instead, her storyline reinforces the harmful idea that women’s worth is tied to their relationships with men, that they must forgive and accommodate even the worst behavior, and that motherhood is the ultimate measure of their value. It’s frustrating and frankly depressing, especially considering how much more room Rowling gives her male characters to screw up, grow, and still come out as heroes.

Tonks deserved so much better. She deserved to be more than a plot device in Lupin’s arc. And it’s not just her—it’s a pattern that runs through the whole series, where women’s stories are often sacrificed or diminished to prop up the men around them.

[lazywitchling]

“So much death. What can men do against such reckless hate?”

(Yes I did just order a pot pie from the chicken fast food place. I’m watching 12 hours of movies, I ain’t cooking a whole pot pie!)

Okay. Look.

When I was younger, my cousin bitched about elves at Helm’s Deep not being in the book, but I didn’t think it mattered because it’s cool and I liked elves and it made me the fun kind of sad when Haldir died.

But now I get why. (I mean, ultimately it’s a fictional story so it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of life, blah blah, you get the drill. I will complain about this, but I don’t care if you like it, ya dig?)

So here’s the thing. Theoden’s whole storyline throughout this movie and into the next is that he does not believe anyone will help him. Gondor could have come to save his people, but they didn’t. Rohan was left on its own, and people died, and that sucks. So Theoden has succumbed to the depressive thoughts of “We’re all gonna die anyway, why bother fighting?” (Hey that’s a major— actually THE major point of this whole story!!) He has hidden his people away to hide because he knows fighting is futile because they will be alone.

It’s a big deal when he agrees to go out and fight alongside Aragorn as the Uruks are about to overwhelm the keep. I said last year, Tolkien’s brand of hope is the difference between “I only have one hit point left :(“ and “I still have one hit point left >:)” Theoden STILL has no reason to believe help is coming, but he chooses to act like it is anyway, because the alternative is just curling up and dying right there. And he is rewarded, because Gandalf shows up with reinforcements!! Eomer, who has every reason to hate Theoden, brought all the riders to help! Everyone is saved! Hooray!!

But the damn elves show up in the middle of Theoden’s “Aw nobody will help us :(“ thing. And then elf help arrives. And he goes “Yay, help is here!!” And then nobody really mentions the elves again except for Haldir’s brief dying scene, and Theoden is right back in his “Aw nobody will help us :(“ thing. It just slaughters the pacing of the story, and Theoden’s arc along with it.

Furthermore, the elves say they were sent by Elrond, who has chosen to have the elves fight alongside mortals once again to honor old alliances! Except that Elrond isn’t really participating in this portion of his own character arc, and in fact doesn’t reach that “idk maybe mortals aren’t so bad after all” point until RotK. So it’s somehow fully out of character for him at this point even though he’s not even there.

ADDITIONALLY, it fucks up ARWEN’S story, because the whole thing with her is that she has to choose between sailing to the undying lands and being with her people forever but losing Aragorn, or staying with Aragorn who will eventually die and then she has no one left and no way to get to the undying lands and will never see her family again and will just live until the heat death of the universe. See, I’m pretty sure (don’t quote me on this) that there’s like… a respawn thing that happens with Tolkiens elves. They’re not only ageless, they’re unkillable. They CANT die. That’s why Arwen’s choice is so difficult. She couldn’t even live out life with him and then jump off a bridge after he dies so she doesn’t have to see the heat death of the universe. She’s literally stuck.

But friggin Haldir takes a sword to the head and has a sad death moment, and then I’m left wondering why everyone is pestering Arwen so much. If elves can die, then she has no problem.

I’m pretty sure it messes up other storylines too, but my pot pie is getting cold.

[adhdtsukasa]

totally not what i intended to post today but also whatever, we ball. pinocchiop is my favorite vocap and i'm very autistic about both him and wxs, so, to honor the song campaign clues that we got today, allow me to present to you the reincarnation apple wxs cover line distribution i did some time ago — and why, in my humble opinion, it fits wxs much more than it fits niigo,

(the lyrics where the color changes each word are where the characters both sing at the same time but my notes app doesn't have the option to do a gradient)

i'm in no way expecting it to be an official line distribution because i did it based on my personal interpretation of the lyrics — and i feel like dedicating almost a whole big part of the song to each member might mess up with the game cut, but i also really would like to see them have solos of those parts — but they're here to help me explain my point better my point. so!

what i like about wandasho covers is that they are performers — and it should give them more creative liberty when it comes to their covers. that's why the reincarnation in this song could be simply treated as them getting into roles, reliving countless lives as actors. even though the accuracy of the lines sung is always nicely welcomed, the covers don't have to always be 100% fitting. and that's fine. especially in wxs' case, because that is a yet another story that they want to tell us.

people often say that the storyline fits niigo but i... don't see it at all? i mean, yeah, ena as the artist and kanade as the savior, that much is obvious (and i guess you could also say that mizuki as a revolutionary, but that is kind of a reach?). but what about the part describing the inventor that matches rui's backstory so well? what if you put main story tsukasa in the artist's place and draw the similiarities? what if you think about emu as the savior, comparing the savior's unconditional love to her wanting to save wonder stage and make everyone smile? the only match that doesn't fit quite well is nene and the revolutionary, but you can't have anything i guess. and then the adventurer part, which is a call back to the our happy ending set (i set out in search of an ideal — emu deciding to go with wxs in order to expand her knowledge and horizons) (and then you know, the end has come with the reincarnation apple)... and then lines like i'm not smart enough and i don't have a great cause could resonate with how people viewed emu and rui in the past.

"oh but isn't the start of the song a bit too dark and depressing for it to be a wxs cover?" kami no manimani starts in a similiar way and yet it still is a wxs cover.

and, putting lyrics aside, it just doesn't feel like a niigo song from the instrumental alone. i'm not a music expert so i don't have strong arguments for it, but for me it sounds absolutely like a wxs song. it even reminds me of sekahaji in a way.

does that mean you're in the wrong for wanting niigo to cover it? nope! i just simply want to explain why it fits. and i don't want people to complain that it doesn't make sense for it to end up as a wxs cover. because i will cry.

tldr: reincarnation as a metaphore for acting save me

[moonxue]

Seokryu's rejection

"While I understand where Seunghyo is coming from with his proposal, which I had already wrote down last night. I would like to again, share about my understanding towards Seokryu's rejection but in a much more elaborated sense. This is my opinion and insight about her and her rejection.

Seokryu is a character that has been written to be the typical 'eldest daughter' in an asian family household. If you know, you know. She is the absolute epitome of selfless rather than selfish which some might see her with the way she handles certain situations. However, if you are seeing things in her perspective in a 'realistic eldest daughter of an asian family household' sense, I believe you will be able to have a deeper grasps of who she truly is as a character and resonate more with her life decisions. So, what does her rejection have to do with this? This is where I will tell you that her rejection is another selfless act and a reasonable one at that. 

Her reason was not something suddenly taken out of the blue just to mess with the plot. Since the writer has been consistently taking the storyline in a realistic way, of course, the characters' themselves have to match up by being realistic as well. Especially with the 'cancer survivor' trope they had went with since earlier episodes. From the point where Seokryu had been diagnosed with cancer, hiding it from her family and friends, to her remission or recovery, where she fell to depression and broke off her engagement with her ex. She has long been very firm about not wanting to become a 'burden' to each person who are dear to her. Including Seunghyo. 

It's easy to say that she should have already moved on from the whole cancer thing. Yeah, that is true, but that would then be an inconsistency in her character and the whole 'cancer survivor' trope they had pulled, plus all the struggles she had went through from the get-go. The writer is keeping the realism here. The reality of 'cancer survivors' and the struggles they still constantly face even after it, the constant fear of its reoccurrence, not just about death but how the cancer survivor themselves know how much toll and damage it could do to their love ones who would stick by their side as well. Seokryu has experienced it first-hand with her ex-fiancee. What more for Seunghyo, her childhood friend and boyfriend whom she values so dearly.

Thus, her rejection for me with regards to Seunghyo's proposal is not an inconsistency, a mess, unreasonable or selfish but rather the absolute opposite. Seokryu always sees the bigger picture in things even if they had not happened yet. She knows that marriage is a life-time commitment. She does constantly fear the reoccurrence of the cancer itself, but what she is more afraid of is becoming a burden and hurting Seunghyo when it happens. Her rejection doesn't mean she loves him less or doesn't love him at all, rather she loves him so deeply and values him so much to the point she would rather have him take a lesser blow with the rejection than him hurting more later, even if she wanted to accept his proposal deep inside. 

The last scene between both Seunghyo and Seokryu is a significant moment, most especially for Seokryu. Seunghyo who acknowledged and understood her worries and fears, gave her the perfect reassurance and answer which she needed. Hence, resolved her worries and fears as she now knows that Seunghyo is willing to go through it all with her. They both obviously love each other, no love outweighs the other. The writer showed us two deep acts of love with this episode. Seunghyo who is willing to go through a lifetime with her no matter how uncertain the future is and Seokryu who would rather carry it all, if it means it would make her other half suffer less. I believe this is what they call the 'self-less act of love'. Was it all necessary? I believe yes. It's a touching tale of their love story."

[very-straight-blog]

This might sound funny and cringey, but I feel like I lost something I cared about and now it's just sadness and depression. Like it's a TV show, I get it, but we waited 2 years and for what? To get the two worst episodes imaginable. I'm really starting to believe that Sapochnik was responsible for everything good in s1, bcz Condal and Hess ruined this show. S1 wasn't perfect and I didn't like a lot of things in it, but it still managed to keep me invested so I hoped that in s2 everything would be improved. And yet, I'm so terribly disappointed. Alicent's characterization makes no sense anymore, like they want so badly to show her as a bad mother and a hypocrite and really - after ruining bnc with Alicole sex now it had to follow with her not being able to console her son but hoping on Criston is a must do?? What sort of degenerates write this??

Aemond is also ruined for me and I would love to erase that crappy brothel scene from my memory. What was it for? To show his mommy issues, vulnerability... Idc. The dialogue was bad and they did him dirty with the angles and the pose. And now he's apparently going to be there *again* in e3 and we'll get full frontal nudity. Idk why the actor agreed to this since they are obviously making a joke and meme material of his character. Not to mention that he straight up lied in the promos about being loyal (if the RR leaks are true and I'm almost 100% sure they are). I get that they are told what to say, but a more general answer would have been much better than a lie. In brief, one of my favourite s1 characters is also destroyed.

Then Cole. My god, I only waithig for him to look at the camera and say "do you hate me enough already hahah?" He's the writers punching bag atp.

Helaena barely exists.

Otto is Viserys' fanboy and ofc, appalled by his grandson. It's not as he just has lost a son and was forced to take the crown in the first place by him and his mother, no less.

Aegon got more screentime and I love Tom's performance, but I'm not fooled. He is still depicted as weak, politically inept and rash. And he'll still be a bully, apparently. Just to justify his brother's treason. F*ck you Condal, Hess and whoever else is responsible for this mess.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I just don't get how anyone can seriously praise this shitshow anymore. It could have been great, but the creators are obviously not up to the task which is now painfully obvious. I wouldn't mind the greens as villains, but don't write them as a walking joke. I'm quitting the show and would like just to forget about it. This adaptation of the Dance was a huge mistake.

I feel you! By the way, I haven't participated in any fandom life, I think, for 10 years or more, but thanks to HOTD, I started this blog, I write some critical (well, kinda) reviews, and English isn't even my native language. I've been waiting for the second season for two years and now I just feel tired and empty. So far, the only thing I've liked about these two episodes is Aegon's storyline, that's all. Everything else is bad, very bad, and judging by the leaks, it'll be even worse.

Firstly, the series has a very strange pace of the narrative. We didn't get a bunch of important plot scenes, and even those that remained were shown in a hurry, but at the same time we have many scenes like "Rhaenyra stares at the dust for three minutes", unnecessary dialogues and PAUSES between lines.

Secondly, again, an insane amount of important plot details are left behind the scenes and this is absolutely wrong. Aemond's return home, the family's reaction to what he did. Aegon's reaction when he learned of his son's death. Aemond's reaction when he finds out what his actions have led to. And so on and so forth. Many of the characters' actions are shown without context. Alicent fucks with Criston - cool, but can I have some additional information? How long has this been going on, what feelings do they have for each other, how have they developed, like, anything? The same can be said about the scene in the brothel - no context.

Thirdly, it's unclear what's going on with the characters, as if the screenwriters decided to make the greens the most unpleasant people in the world. So far, I only like Aegon and Helaena. I can't even say anything about Aemond, because his only dialogue scene is built around Daemon and Luke, damn them. I just can't.

Everything annoys me except Aegon lol. So yes, I understand you.

[fractualized]

Zdarsky’s run on Batman ends soon, thoughts? 🎤

lmao I feel like I could either toss out a dismissive one-liner or rant for like a dozen paragraphs. Guess I'll go with the latter.

We'll, I'm certainly not going to miss him at the helm. I read Batman: The Knight, and even though I agree with the criticism of the end, it showed competent storytelling with a good emotional core, which is the most basic of standards, but let's be real, this is comics, I'll take competent any day. And when his Batman run started, I had caught up on Snyder-King-Tynion Batman and was excited to follow a run in real time.

I'd say I stopped having a good time when Bruce got sent to the alternate universe. Penguin faking his death was fun. Bruce being pursued by a dramatic robot version of himself was fun. Bruce again fretting about protecting the family was… par for the course. Calling back to Zur-En-Arrh didn't bug me because I hadn't read that full storyline yet, so it felt like a gateway to digging back into lore. Bruce surviving a fall through the Earth's atmosphere was too fucking ridiculous but the kind I can look past. (Imagine you're a DC writer. You have the idea: lol what if Batman got out of this by surviving a fall from the moon. You have opened that door in your mind. Do you have the will close it or would you be like FUCK IT LET'S DO IT?)

The Red Mask universe, however, dragged any momentum at that point to a stop, and I honestly don't care enough to dig deep into all the reasons why, which I guess gets at the core of what was wrong with the Red Mask universe. (Skeleton Jim Gordon was the most interesting thing but he was just a temporary side effect or something? Whatever.)

But, of course, since I'm a Joker fan, Darwin Halliday was a major sticking point as the most boring Joker to never joke. Nearly everything Zdarsky did with Joker was a major sticking point.

It still drives me crazy that from Snyder to the Zdarsky run, we had a Joker who tried to force Bruce both away from the batfam and Selina and back to basics multiple times, so their battle could be one-on-one again. We had a Joker who, after Bruce left him to die, was notably depressed and suicidal at the end of Joker 2021. He is still that way at the start of The Man Who Stopped Laughing.

And you could follow from that with the basic beats of what Zdarsky did. You could say Joker is disillusioned with his relationship with Batman, and that's why he turns to Zur-En-Arrh, a real Batman. But no, everything has to be too fucking complicated. We have do yet another retcon of so much other stuff and say that Joker always was looking for Zur. And we have to a weird take on Three Jokers because people were really biting at the bit to get a real answer within canon like a decade after Johns wrote that nonsense?? I don't know, I don't do marketing research, but I'm pretty sure if they just quietly never addressed it, it would be fine.

And the freaking Captio stuff. Ugh. UGH. I really just. I feel like this is a product of overthinking. "Well, Batman is so thoroughly trained, it only makes sense that Joker had at least some of the same training to beat him." No. Fuck that. We don't need that. Joker rivals Batman out of sheer audacity. I like that it doesn't really make sense that a clown pushes him to the limit. I like the juxtaposition of Bruce having to do so much training and learning to survive, but Joker is a cockroach revived by the narrative. I like Joker being a plague and a mystery that Batman cannot resolve. I like Joker being essentially absurd. No, it doesn't make sense, but he's here to stab you out of love and you better know how to dodge.

So much of Batman comics now are not about telling a fun Batman story. They're stories about Batman stories, just circling back and cannibalizing each other into a total fucking mess, and putting the city on the brink of destruction so much that those stakes no longer have meaning. There has to be a writer out there who wants to get back to just telling a smaller action/detective story that makes the reader give a shit about what's happening instead of feeling like maybe they're just not getting it, like they missed homework.

And I say that as someone who started reading Morrison's full run when Zdarsky's started so I could have the Zur background. I had to pause when Morrison's writing got to be too much (for the bad reasons!). I intended to jump back in again, but then Zdarsky's run nosedived and the effort no longer seemed worth it.

Especially when everything paused for Gotham War. Jesus Christ. The only good thing to come out of that was Rosenberg's second Red Hood issue. But speaking of Gotham War, I do wonder if there'll be an article years from now that will reveal Zdarsky had to deal with too much editorial fiat. He had to interrupt his Zur story not only with the badly executed Catwoman plot and the Knight Terrors, but cram in a Three Jokers explanation.

And speaking of Rosenberg, I can't end without mentioning that because he started TMWSL around the same time Zdarsky started on Batman, and they both had their protagonists dealing with other versions of themselves, man, there was such potential for a crossover event. Me and my pals had lots of fun theories about how these series would converge, because the idea that they wouldn't seemed ridiculous. There were two Jokers in TMWSL, and at the same time in Batman #131, Halliday seemed to have created three of them. I didn't like Halliday, but still, what did that mean? It would be ridiculous for those developments to be unrelated, right? RIGHT?

Joke's on us, as usual. 🤪

[iwasbored777]

I know I already posted something like this but I wanted to be more clear and I gotta say it again: the writers completely effed up Peter and Gwen in ATSV and it wasn't Peter and Gwen to blame at all.

(Sorry if I made any grammar mistakes, I write English for years but some mistakes still happen)

Ok, with Gwen, I know she didn't have a choice and blah blah blah but it's heartbreaking to see how much people loved her and now I see such horrible posts about her (some are so unhinged) that it makes me wonder what the writers were thinking when they did what they did with her character. After so much time has passed since the movie was released all I hear is "Gwen is a traitor". I rarely see a person clever enough to explain the situation and many people don't care enough to explain or understand. They love what happened because they hate the idea of her ending up with Miles anyway so this is perfect for them. I swear I had no idea what they're gonna do, I thought she's going to be with Miles and on his side the whole time. And while I know that she's so much more than a love interest and she deserves to be more, in the first movie she was only the love interest and that's exactly how people see her now and will always see her like this. According to the audience she exists only to please Miles, she has no room to have a story of her own, which is why her storyline in this movie was kinda disappointing even to me who really loves her.

But Peter also... At least Gwen has a reason and he just doesn't. You can't tell me that a guy with a character development so great from the first movie, the guy who loves this kid and who started his own family because of Miles, who was depressed and desperate when he lost someone he loves, would tell the same kid he apparently loves "you know it's ok if your father dies bad things happen lol". It's crazy. And him receiving the hate that Gwen receives too, people going from loving him so much to hating him because the writers forgot how much they tried to develop him and Gwen, how amazing their team was in the first movie, and then destroying their dynamic for the sake of drama because they needed a conflict but the first movie was so perfect the only way to create it was to mess it up.

Yeah sure they'll be friends later, yeah Miles and Gwen will end up together, I don't have a problem with it because I love Peter and Gwen and I still ship Gwen and Miles and I don't want anyone who hates them with passion to show up here and tell me about how much they hate them. But they already ruined the relationships and the angst will always be remembered. Fandom is so goddamn toxic that they will keep hating on them, using any racist and misogynistic expression they can think of, and to be honest the movies aren't as enjoyable to me as they were at first because the reaction of majority of the audience made me realize how bad you gotta ruin your characters for fans to go from loving them to hating them so so much. Now every time I see news about BTSV I'm not looking forward to it that much because the story is already effed up. You can fix it but you can't erase what happened. The ending can be satisfying but the journey is not, at least to me.

And it's a shame that no one is talking about this, all haters (and there's so many of them) act like Peter and Gwen are characters capable of making decisions for themselves when they're just products of their writers. But, no. The writers are praised everywhere while Peter and Gwen apparently suck because their characters are ruined by someone who's controlling them against their will. The kinda got the similar treatment to Wanda in MCU, whom I also adore, she had character development and learned how to move on in WandaVision only to go through the exact same thing all over again in Multiverse of Madness because they didn't know what to do with her now.

I don't hate these movies, especially ITSV cuz it's a masterpiece, but I'm just so sad with how the story turned out. I will watch BTSV and I will make tons of posts about it just the same, and I won't make hate posts about this movie, that's for sure. I just wanted to say this. I look forward to hearing your opinions in the comments, as long as they're respectful to the characters. Basically I already said all I had to say here.

[lxkeee]

Good morning/evening.

*deep breaths*

IDK IF IT'S MY PRIDE BUT 👺👺👺👺👺I gets if others want a happy ending and if writter is going to make a happy ending BUT i can't I was so fucking pissed two sides of the same coin (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻ (at reader your works are amazing darling) LIKE GET OVER HIM HE CHEATER END OF STORY- plus I want to be petty and unsympathetic.

So if you're done with the story, can I have an alternative ending? Where Lucifer REGRETS AND GROVELS SO MUCH GRIEF to the point his begging reader to give a second chance breaking his pride, BUT OFC. So like in the story reader was chosen to do something about the extermination, so she decides to take a look at this 'hazbin hotel' and meet Lucifer (let's just add feelings because unlike me who doesn't give a shit because the past is past, sorry I just have a messed up head that if someone does something like this I get them to fall back in love and wait for a couple of months then announce that I'm dating someone else-- and see them panic HAHAHAHHA-) So girlies/boys who have same mind set as me your welcome-- they have bonding time and reader assuring him, stroking his hair that everything is ok and she forgives him, so this builts up the feelings he once and still has.

So after 4months and Lucifer constantly visiting whenever reader came down to hell to inspect the hotel. Lucifer accidentally walked in to reader and azrael(is that how to spell his name?) Making out. Lucifer first thought that Azrael forced himself on reader and punched azrael's face calling him foul names. Meanwhile reader and azrael looking at each other with a Lovestruck face still not aware that they parted and the short king cursing at azrael. After reader broke from the trance she happily exclaimed out loud that she and azrael are now dating, meanwhile lucifer:🙃

So Lucifer pulled reader into his room, talking about 'what about us?', 'I thought you forgave me?!', 'are you cheating on me!?'(BOY WTF--)

And reader just stood their dumbfolded giggling inside that Lucifer thought that she forgave him and they are back together, so she explains it to him EVERY LITTLE DETAIL. But he interferes with a 'WE ARE NOT DIVORCE YOU ARE STILL MY WIFE!' pulling anything he can.

Reader didn't gave shit and walk to the door, but Lucifer didn't gave up, he broke his pride for what? To end up even more depressed? So....well he fucked reader hoping she got preggy-

GURL DON'T BLAME ME- I HATEHIM AND LOVE HIM AT THE SAME TIME, sorry if this is to much of a bother 🥲🥲

-꧁ඩා꧂anon

.... Jaw dropped... Mind blown... Speechless... Op I can really feel your emotions through this ask 😭😭😭 The emotional rollercoaster I went through while reading this was wild asf LMAO buttt I already have a specific route I wanted to go through with the story and it can't exactly follow through this idea BUT I'll probably write this as an au though, I'm not making any promises but thank you for the suggestion but I don't think I wanna put our boy even more pain lol

Also, don't worry. You're not a bother^^ I personally think this is a wonderful idea but unfortunately I don't think it would fit into the current storyline, perhaps in a future work maybe?

[rewatching-sam-and-dean]

Trying to Put My Finger on Why I Don’t Really Like MOC Storyline

I was literally just writing a different post when this idea hit me. I think one of the reasons that MOC Dean storyline just doesn’t really work for me is that it’s not really a proper heroes journey, or it doesn’t feel satisfying. I know I don’t like Sam’s treatment in the storyline, and I find it slow at times, too. But the Dean treatment of it all bugs me too.

Stay with me here.

Season 1 to 5 is a bit more Sam’s Heroes Journey. He reluctantly gets back into hunting, tries to avoid going dark, goes dark, redeems himself (with varying degrees of support from his brother). It’s a complete arc (though I’m glad it didn’t end here). And Sam is forever changed by this. And even Dean is changed from going to hell and learns to trust Sam. This arc mattered for both of them.

Season 6 is like an Epilogue to Seasons 1-5. More a Cas villain reveal, and both brothers getting kicked in the teeth, than a heroic arc.

Season 7 is the consequences of Season 6 and lead-in to Season 8 onward, and Dean is depressed, Sam is insane and Cas finally helps clean up his own mess only after being bullied into doing so. Dean avenges Bobby and stops the leviathan slaughter-house plans by stabbing Dick, I guess. So, Dean is more or less the Season 7 hero.

Season 8 is again Sam’s Heroes Journey, except he doesn’t ���get to” fulfill it this time because Dean won’t let him sacrifice himself.

Season 9 is Dean dealing with the consequences of his own actions and Sam’s feelings of betrayal (Angel/Sam) in the most self-destructive way possible (taking MOC), and getting killed.

Season 10 is Dean’s gradual downfall, but his redemption is … stopping himself from killing Sam more than saving the world? He defeats Abadon, but the way he does it is almost more scary than triumphant. Sam’s actions get the mark off of Dean (through getting Rowen and co. involved, and Sam’s actions cure him from being a demon), not Dean.

So in Season 11, the Darkness being unleashed is more a result of Sam taking action than Dean (though he indirectly got the ball rolling by taking the mark). At the end of the season, Dean is willing to sacrifice himself to save the world, but he doesn't have to. He defuses the Amara bomb by waxing poetic about sibling love. While I like this for the change of pace and for how it shows that Dean has finally accepted that Sam loves him back more than anything, it also sort of leaves Season 11 ending on a whimper.

I guess the biggest issue I have with the whole MOC plot for Dean is that once it’s over, it doesn’t seem to matter. No one really holds it against him. He never even like apologizes to Sam for almost killing him for the second time in one season, in “Brother’s Keeper” (that I recall). Dean doesn’t really feel much different as a character after, imo.

For people who like the MOC storyline, did you find it satisfying? Or did you like it for the Dean focus? Did you feel it changed Dean in any meaningful or lasting way?

For others who don’t care for the MOC storyline, what was your particular issue with it?

[eddiediazismyhusband]

One Fan’s Thoughts on 9-1-1 Season 7

(fair warning this is about to be a long ass rant post so buckle up; if you, like me, get anxiety over speculation and discussion of the show, this may not be the post for you to read… but i need to get my thoughts out there because i have kept them bottled up for so long that it is taking a mental toll on me.)

there’s something so gutwrenching about laying awake in bed thinking about how you have been the closest you’ve ever been to actually seeing a queer ship you’ve stuck with for six years actually going canon just to be hit with an immensely overwhelming sense of doubt because every time the story presents a natural path to develop in that direction, the writers completely veer off in an insanely different direction despite constantly trying to push this narrative of “if it goes there naturally” while ignoring the plethora of times it already has gone there naturally but has been passed over for some insanely far-fetched plotline that contradicts points that have been set up in the past…

i’m not trying to put a dampner on things or worry anyone, and like i mentioned in my previous post i am NOT closing on buddie, but i still can’t help but feel cinical and pessimistic about it when it feels like Tim is just blatantly baiting us at this point. Like at times it doesn’t even feel like he’s actually open to exploring buddie when he is constantly retconning his own storylines from previous seasons, and making excuses every time he deliberately chooses to ignore the countless number of chances that crop up in the story, instead deciding that because he wants to redo hitchcock he’s going to rewrite the history he created in order to fit a convoluted plotline that borders on farse just to a) not give fans what they have been begging for for years, b) shoehorn in his vertigo fanfiction, c) stir up drama rather than actually giving us something pointing in a positive direction to combat the 5000 other depressing plotlines he’s trying to cram into a 10 episode season.

i really thought tim was going to bring back the old vibe we had before KR took over and messed things up, but so far this season has felt like a jam-packed rushed mess that resembles a middle schooler’s first forray into a wattpad angst fic, and it’s disheartening to have sat with the show since the first season just to see it fall off so hard w s6 b, only to rebuild hope that things might go back to normal w s7, just for it to spiral even further into jump-the-shark territory.

And this is not just about buddie. There have been numerous times this season that have just been recycled plot points from previous seasons rather than something new and fresh, simply for the sake of melodrama. Old plotlines that had been seemingly finished are being rehashed and recontextualized out of nowhere, characters are getting entire traits and development completely rewritten and replaced with something almost unrecognizable to newer fans, there has been very little positivity within the narrative to allow us to breathe between traumatic moments, and the few positive moments we have received have been lukewarm at best, and have done nothing but cause derision and hate to be spread throughout the fandom.

PR for this season has been a mess. At times it feels like Oliver Stark is the only actor who exists on the show, and that Buck is somehow the titular character— not that Buck’s coming out storyline is not important, it absolutely is, but the entire season should not be focused solely on him just because of a two episode arc that honestly didn’t tell us anything new about him besides canonically confirming what we’ve known to be true since the second season.

We have cast members stirring up drama by indulging fans through paid video responses, and cast members on live getting asked to weigh in on fandom drama that they honestly have no reason to be involved in. We have news outlets constantly being approved by the PR team to ask questions about a popular ship to bait viewers into watching the show when there has not been any concrete evidence either way of whether or not they actually plan to go there, dragging things out for another season when they have no confirmation yet in whether or not they will get a 9th season (and if they do, probably coming up with some other bullshit reason to drag things out), confirming that certain plot points were planned to happen in the past but for some reason now they are like “but that’s not what we’re doing anymore so you have to live with present and be happy with what you get.”

There is no reason why 6 years can’t be a long enough time for a slow burn. There is no reason for characters to be given increasingly convoluted arcs that callback to plotlines that have been otherwise nonexistent for years at this point. There is no reason to drag fans of a ship along just because you’re too scared to lose they’re viewership rather than just flat out saying “no we aren’t ever going to do it” or actually committing to it one of the hundreds of times the story opens a path to it.

No, the choices made this season were not “the only way” we could have been given the same dramatic beats. The choices made have not been some sort of end all be all to the story with no other possible outcome. Tim did not need to send the show off the rails the way he has just because he wants drama. Yes it’s a drama show, but there also need to be moments to breathe. Yes it’s a drama show, but that doesn’t mean you can’t let characters be happy. Yes it’s a drama show, but that doesnt mean you have to fuck up the narrative every time it starts going in the direction of something the fans have begged for for years just because you don’t want to give it to them.

It’s disappointing to see how careless they are being with things this season when previous seasons the actors and writers have been so cautious about what was said about buddie. now we have every interview mentioning buddie in some way, yet we only get told “idk 🤷” and see nothing concrete in the story to firmly hint one way or the other. It’s disappointing when you start feeling like you are being dragged along because a corporation knows that ship baiting won’t ever actually backfire/have a negative affect on them, so it ends up being a lose-lose situation for the fandom.

Maybe it’s because I have been burned too msny times by TV shows in the past, but nothing about this season or the PR surrounding it has given me faith that Tim or the writers actually care about anything other than viewership. Otherwise we would be seeing clear signs of the growing seeds of buddie, but so far all we’ve seen is the same framing choices that we’ve seen in every other season that are being made to deliberately keep buddie fans drawn in and theorizing when the writers have most likely already thrown out any plans that there might have ever been for buddie to go canon.

Mostly, I am disappointed in the fact that Oliver has been so heavily involved in pushing buddie speculation after being so careful to not lead people on in the past- i know that some believe that this was a sign that buddie is coming and he knows it is, but as the season draws to a close it feels more like he is just showing where his loyalty lies even though he knows the show isn’t going to take it there. I am not blaming oliver for buddie not going canon or trying to insinuate that he is queerbaiting in any way, but i can’t help but feel like i wouldn’t be so dejected about the way this season is going if he hadn’t started interacting with and sharing buddie content before any sort of confirmation was given.

now do not get me wrong i absolutely ADORE oliver and i am not in any way trying to attack him or speak against him in any way, I am simply saying that his sudden vocal support and campaigning for buddie is only going to add on to my disappointment in heaps if they don’t make buddie canon, especially after JLH said Tim made Madney happen bc she asked for it, but he still hasn’t made any sort of definitive move towards buddie after the same amount of time.

and lastly my disappointment also lies with the fact that ryan’s acting ability has been wasted on this crackfic plot… ryan is one of the most underutilized dramatic actors on the show, and the fact that the only serious arc he has gottne this season isn’t even that serious because of how out of character and preposterous it is is really disappointing. ryan deserves better, and eddie deserves better, and it is disappointing seeing him acting his entire heart and sole out in a plotline that makes his character out to be the bad guy in the situation when this is something eddie would never do under normal circumstances. Ryan’s talent has once again only been used to show trauma and this time it wasn’t even trauma that feels natural within the story, and especially after his recent interview it disappoints me that we are once again reiterating that eddie is somehow mentally unstable enough to have an emotional affair with a woman he knows nothing about just because she looks like shannon. Eddie has simultaneously had so much yet so little development, and seeing some of the theories of where his character is going in the context of ryan saying s8 will be a “reset” for eddie doesn’t fill me with excitement over where his story is going and actually makes me worried that we are going to see regression rather than progress for the sake of drama… i just don’t want to see eddie’s character revamped to a point where he has lost all of his development from the past 6 seasons just because Tim wanted to turn eddie’s plotline into a melodramatic telenovela.

Anyway, sorry for the rant— maybe it’s the stuff that’s going on in my personal life combined with the fear of getting played by yet another network tv show ship baiting that’s making me feel this way, but this season has left me feeling so pessimistic and cynical about the show as a whole, but mostly about buddie and it hurts. I love both of these characters dearly, and i want them to finally understand that everything they’ve ever needed in life they have in each other, but it feels like ever time we are on the verge, another wild card is played and it’s getting old atp.

i don’t say any of this to cause an argument. i don’t say any of this to poke and prod at people. i say this as someone who has loved this show and given it 7 years of my life who feels like my experience as a fan is being shat on in favor of melodrama rather than thoughtful storytelling… not to say there haven’t been really good moments this season, but overall, it has really soured things for me the way Tim has handled/taken the narrative in many ways, and I don’t know if I will be able to watch season 8 until i see concrete evidence that things will be better. i am not kidding when i say this takes the spot as my least favorite season after season 6, regardless of if we get any hope or not next ep… and that is what upsets me.

[brsb4hls]

Belated (as usual) ep 2x6 reaction, uncoordinated and a bit focused on Armand, can't help it.

Solid. I liked the ep. It had a nice flow, a lot of stuff happening, some mild gore elements and great dialogue. Especially the Madeleine/Claudia stuff.

Not just the focus on one messy relationship, but plot with layers.

On Louis:

I'm not going to pit immortal monster against immortal monster, I like the characters, but the show framed Louis a bit different in this ep.

He came off as unsympathetic. Which he did not in the San Francisco storyline, that chronologically happened later. There he was an addict, depressed and weighted down by guilt and trauma, so even when he was ripping into Armand verbally you could still have empathy for him.

I wonder why there's a shift here, especially since Louis is still telling most of the story.

Now Armand:

He still seems to be the saddest, wettest cat ever. Even in San Francisco.

From a human perspective what he did to Daniel was absolutely horrible of course, but from a vampire perspective it was a pathetic outcry.

(From a vampire perspective him enforcing coven law, like burning a vampire, and going along with the trial is also somewhat justified. Human morals judge him differently, but he is not worse then any other vampire so far).

And whatever he does he still victimizes himself. He 'didn't have a choice', he was 'asked to do it', he did it 'out of love', Louis constantly disregards his feelings, doesn't really listen and so on.

I keep seeing posts about gremlin Armand and -no? Not yet?

I know what we've seen so far cannot possibly be the real him judging from a) the books and b) his background, but a tiny part of me still fears they might woobify him a bit, as far as you can do that to a vampire with a torture dungeon (books).

But yeah, he needs to go truely feral.

Because if he doesn't anytime soon I'll wrap him in a soft blanket and feed him microwaved blood in a 'kiss the librarian' mug.

I do hope he actually lied and manipulated his ass off, not because I like to see other characters suffer, but because he's supposed to be doing that.

Speculation:

I'm expecting one hell of a climax from the last two eps.

So, I'm actually entertained and a bit excited for next week.

I think it might end with the verdict and the aftermath will be the last ep.

They will dust Claudia and Madeleine on stage in front of the audience, hence the show during daylight, right?

That's gonna be really messed up.

Last thoughts:

On a lighter note, Daniel was deliciously annyoing, but also showed his vulnerability (he is a fragile human after all), that's usually somewhat hidden behind his 'no fucks given' attitude. Will he make it out alive? We'll see. I'll also take undead btw, as long as it's not dead dead.

Oh also, the dialogue in front of the blank wall right in the beginning? Yeah, someone was really proud of that huh? Neat.