#stop lying to me. thanks.
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No offense to ppl who actually like fourth wing but it sound like a rough draft or bullet point for a book strung together. I don’t get why ppl were frothing at the mouth over this book
#may delete later#and maybe it’s not for me to get#to each their own#thank you so much readsbyrachel for reading so I didn’t have too#anti fourth wing#the amount of time violet says ‘my scalp prickles’ what does that even mean rebecca#it seem so under developed like why beside her sister telling her xaden going to kill her does she believe when he has done nothing to her#or to show her that he wants to kill her#why is the other dude in the love v so pathetic and not like a good grovel-ly pathetic#he’s just there to annoy us#why did this even need a love triangle not everything does#if she had spent less to try to convince us that this triangle was actually a thing she could’ve developed xaden and violet-#from misconception to acquaintances to mutual liking to awkward unlikely alliances#this isn’t enemies to lovers this is insta love solely on the fact that violet instantly liked him and wouldn’t stop being a creep#and thinking about him even when the next sentence is about how her mom kill his dad or how his family is responsible for her brothers death#anti rebecca yarros
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fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#sure whatever. tagging ship is probably easier than explaining what the fucks up with these two in my head#hi. I watched sk8 with my friend cosme a while ago. I actually dont care about the allegations that much I just got#blasted with teenage years flashback. and now I need reki to have everything on earth and be well#these have been around for like a week lol Ive just been debating posting them to tumblr. bc like. Im not finishing these lol#hesitant to call sk8 ''therapeutic'' but boy oh boy. does it make me confront some stuff. yes a sport anime leave me alone!!!#its just. I think I was this way about raz too actually. listen I have History with Stuff. I'm allowed ok? I'm totally allowed#u can See it in some of these doodles actually. this fuckign anime got me so unwell#hey. if ur a fellow adhd potentials-havers out there. ur a real one. thanks for still hangin out doin what u love/ur best#if u were an 'if u wanna do art u have to be excellent and high-art at it otherwise it means nothing' kid. I am holding ur hand#I'll be normal now I prommy (lying)#well. what I'll be doing now is taking a nap. maybe. gods my schedule backslid like four hours again#eh whatever. I go to bed anyway. got my portion of the day done and tomorrow I go buy new knife#hope someone come give me a new table top and lower the whole thing a bit soon. so I can stop sitting like Im in a shopping cart#have a good night lads. have fun. its imperative
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Kieran, No.
You are deserving of our kindness. You are deserving of EVERYONES kindness.
There’s a lot of people who’ve been in your situation, but let me tell you:
You are deserving of love and kindness. Don’t let ANYONE tell you otherwise.
people who hurt others dont deserve kindness.
i already hurt someone. i already made someone be mad at me.
i wouldnt be surprised if they hated me.
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ok movie thoughts time
#letting it marinate for a night really did wonders.i can actually string words together now#THE SOUND DESIGNDHDURJRFJRJHSJDKGRIIDJFKKSJDKFK DELCOOUS FUCKING DELICIOUS#THE SQEAKS OF THE SHOES THE IMPACT OF THE VOLLEYBALL OM THE FLOOR THE DROPS OF SWEAT EVERYTHING GGGGGGGGGG#FUCKKNG GORGEOUS MUSIC AS ALWAYS I FUCKING CRI ED BC IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL#BRO THE STAY INTERSTING SCENE!?!??@@?!?@?@?@??!?!?!?!! I JUMPED INBMY SEAT#THE WAY EVERYTHING HUST GOES SILENT!!?!!?@??!?!?!?!?!!!!! IT SENT CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE HOLY Y#KENMAS FACE THE WAY HINATA JUMPS BACK BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#sidenote im going to devour the kenhina tag on ao3#BRORBORBRJFJGJGNDKDBFKS THE CAGE SCENERE#AND WHNE HE BREAKS OUT OFBTHE CAGE THE FLURRY OF FEATHERS THE BARS GIVING OUT#BROOOOOO KUROOS LAUGH MADE ME SO GIDDYYY THANK GOD FOR THE DARK THEATRE I PRONABLY LOOKED LIKE A FOOL#THE WAY HIS WHOLE BODY SHAKES. LAUGHING WITH HIS WHOLE BEING IM AIDJFHSJDKDK#I LOVE LOVE LOVED TINY KUROKEN SCENES!!!!!!!! FJFFFJHDKSKFK KUROO TINY BOUNCE AWAY FROM SUCCESSFULLY BUMPING THE BALL HAHSHEHEHFHDJJ THE#ENTIRE THEATRE STARTED LAUGHING IT WAS SO SO SO OOVELY#GOOOOOOOOOOOD TSUKKIS SMILE LIGHTING UP THE WORLD#THE TSUKKIYAMA SCENE!?!??@?@??!?!!! FUCKING CHOKED. HOLY SHIT. IT WAS BEAUTIFULLL#THE BICKERING WHEN BOTH SIDES ARE ALRESDY FUCKING EXHAUSTED. HILARIOUS WONDERFUL AMAZING FINALLY HEARING IT#the tiny bokuaka commentary sprinkled within ;w; BOKUTO BEING OMGG LOOK AT OUR TSUKKI#ive read the manga i know this happens i just was still not prepared bc its so different WHEN THERES MUSIC AND VOICES AND ITS JUST U IN A#THEATRE WITH ONE OF THE GREATEST PIECES OF MEDIA YOUVE EVER CONSUMED#WAS FUCKING LAUGHING AT LEV DOING PUSHUOS W YAKU SITTING ON TOP OF HIM LLOL#ALSO NOYAS EXCITED HUG HE GIVES HINA HANSNFIDJ HAIR RUFFLES#BOTH SIDES HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR LIFE BEING LIKE BRO WHY ARE U SO COOL?!?!??@?@?!!! BRO EHY ARE Y O U SO FREAKING COOL#THAT FINAL FINAL BIT#before kenma goes to set the ball...the pan around the gym. the flash back to the training round....WAS FUCKING SOBBBINGG#WWWHNE THEY WHENE THEYR SHAKING HANDS WHENB THE MATCH IS VOER AND THEYRE ALL EXHAUSTED#LYING THERE CALM QUIET TIRED OUT FOT HEIR MINDS IM GOGIFJBDJSJDKF#broooo i wish the movie could have lasted for7 whole days it was over so quickly;w;#phenomenal. it was absolutely phenomenal insane gorgeous i need to see it again#need to commit every second to memory i need to stop blinking i csnnot miss even a single millisecond of it
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Aaaaand we somehow made this whole thing Yiwa's fault because she's the one that asked for the fake marriage. But here's a list of things Yiwa didn't do:
Aggressively pursue Nuea
Actively lie to Nuea despite every single possible opportunity to tell him the truth
Kiss Nuea when he was sleeping
Keep telling Nuea about being in love with her fiance
Confess her feelings to Nuea
Not leave Nuea alone
Fuck Nuea and make him think he's ruining a loving relationship
Those are, however, all things that Lom has done. So yeah, maybe let's not blame Yiwa for things that aren't her fault. In fact, I recall her telling Lom to tell the fucking truth. I also recall her telling Lom to get Marine's perspective on the whole thing since she's been through it before. But you know what Lom never did? Take Yiwa's advice. Instead he made it out to be her fault for the whole situation. I know he didn't do it intentionally but intention doesn't matter. What matters is he blamed Yiwa and didn't hold himself accountable for his own actions. But that's okay. Looks like Nuea's family will hold him accountable.
#wedding plan#wedding plan the series#wedding plan bl#i wanna punch lom so bad#just once let me punch him just once#i'll feel so much better#can we please please not make women out to be the bad guys#i mean this situation is a bit different but still#stop blaming women for the dumb actions of men pls and thank#also also also queer women are not responsible for queer men having their shit together#not that i think yiwa has her shit together#she's got her own set of problems but at this point in their relationship at least she's talking to marine and not lying to her
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me knowing that he exists and is so sweet to me 🙈:
#for him 🌃🎸#this image is me now that I'm making an effort to appear better and am slowly transmuting into a piece of art.#i'd be lying if i said i didn't want to thank him. i just don't have it in me yet.#I'll probably have to stop posting about him soon for security concerns but I admire him so much and just want him to hug me.
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hunter + "please"
#it's sooo interesting how. even after all the shit he's gone through. he's still so /nice/#''please'' has vulnerability to it#even in the first one where he's partially lying to amity. he's still being 100% honest#belos probably instilled that 'please' and 'thank you' gets a person what they want. as per usual parenting customs#and then eventually that stopped working#so hunter learned to use 'please' as a sort of last resort#and! he uses it in such different ways!!!#''let me go so i can survive'' / ''leave so you won't get hurt'' / ''don't tell them so they won't hate me''#/ ''come back so i can make things right''#SORRY. sorry this makes no sens e. i'm very tired#toh#the owl house#toh hunter#hunter noceda#gekkering
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#ok I’m so proud of myself bc this involves finance which is something I avoid at all costs but like I did it!!#my work failed to process my check which I should have received yesterday. I’m now expected to get it next week#and part of growing up poor is like. idk. this learned helplessness or defeatist attitude with money problems#like ohh it’s my bad I should’ve had more savings to cover waiting an extra week or longer for my monthly check#and historically I just shut down and panic while doing nothing bc this is my biggest possible stressor to come across#but!!! being around rich people? I’ve learned they negotiate!! and demand to not be inconvenienced!!#my work was like ehh I’m sorry too bad so sad about your check and I was like actually no#I explained how this impacts my ability to pay rent. my credit score. how they didn’t inform me in time to stop bill autopay#and asked what their detailed plan is to fix this#and within an hour admin was scrambling. four different people emailed me apologizing for the mix up#and they worked it out with finance to get me a $2000 loan to get me by until the check hits#but I was like actually no. I won’t be paying interest on this because I shouldn’t be penalized for your error#and so they GOT RID OF INTEREST#0% interest cash advance essentially that covers all my bills#I picked up the physical check for the 2k today so it’s legit thank god#I thanked everyone involved and remained extremely polite#and they said if there’s any other questions you have please let us know#so I was like actually you know what lmao#I explained that I’ve incurred fees for overdrafts and returned items due to bill autopay that I couldn’t cancel due to them informing me#basically the day of my check being late#and so I specifically said I’ve incurred $270 in fees at this point as a result of your error and I shouldn’t be expected to pay this.#and!! they just said… okay!!! I just got an email that they’ve processed a secondary check for $270!!#so like?!?! what?!?! is this what life is like when you don’t shy away from discussing money?!#im genuinely shocked. this is a life lesson. I never would have imagined this outcome#thank god I decided to not take it lying down
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Woah this little project has been going on for 3 years now! A little crazy that I've managed to keep this thing running but I am nothing if not committed to the bit. Thank you to everyone who has been here since day one and everyone who has followed along more recently in this journey to post every single Sanji! Here's to three more years 🥂
#not sanji#this isnt housekeeping either but ill tag it with that#im scheduling this out on the 11th ive just finished queuing ch333#but ueueue i started this blog as a freshman in college and i graduate in may#ive changed hyperfixations half a dozen times and i stopped keeping up with#the weekly releases for one piece in like august 2020#wano was just getting too convoluted for me#but one piece was what i hyperfixated on at the start of the first lockdown#so it will always have a special place in my heart#also hopefully by the time this posts ill have my new car#and this blog will have been with me through 4 phones (technically) and 2 cars#and 3 different dorms/apartments#i dont know what im doing post graduation tbh i just applied for a job as a#patient representative at a clinic in my home town which will get me on my feet in the#professional world but i could do just about anything#everyone wants an anthropologist but nobody wants to admit it#im also bilingual which is also a useful skill. but if anyone says they know what theyre doing#especially when theyre my age (22) they are lying#we're all kinda groping around blindly hoping to find something that sticks#anyway ive rambled enough! dkshsjkssj if you read all this.... thank you?#idk this blog means a lot to me ive been keeping it up through a lot of rough patches#its like. one of the constants in my life idk.#anyway. i need to do dishes and make lunch byeeeeeee#i never tagged this with housekeeping.#housekeeping
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everytime I think even just a little bit that I'm starting to sort of get better at speaking aloud, somebody will say something horrible to me about my voice and ruin everything
#im so glad i don't have to speak aloud on yhe internet. i will only ever share my voice with internet people that are extremely accepting#but in real life i have no choice but to speak aloud and it is desroying me. im trying so hard to get better at speaking#i have gotten better in some areas. my pronunciation of words is better than when i was a kid i think!#thr only words i think i mispronounce often are actually sort of simple ones like 'the' or 'that'#the one thing ill never ever be able to get rid of is the stuttering#and ill never be able to change that i just . sound autistic i guess?#i dunno i get called retarded for my voice but also. i get retarded for everything i do#thank you classmates. i am going to kill myself#is anybody out there reading this? if you are are you familiar with any ways to get rid of stuttering#i have stuttered for my whole life#and i get made fun of it all the time#but when i ask how to stop nobody ever helps me#ive tried so hard to stop!! i dont wanna stutter#and also i think just the way my voice sounds and the volume which i speak at is part of the problem#again those are things i don't know how to change . i don't know#im never gonna have a voice im comfortable with huh#why am i lying in bed abd typing a tumblr vent post again im so sick of this#maybe i should just stop speaking at all#im only going to communicate through meows now#meow meow meow. meow#i can't stop thinking about my voice and how much i hate it and how much everyone else hates it. bleh#throat hurts for some reason but i dunno why#i thinj im going to avoid speaking aloud from now on because its not worth the pain#life sucks#so much. so fucking much
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i think i've healed enough to finally get past the embarrassment this first one brings me so here goes
Things That Should Have Made People Realise I Was Neurodivergent, But Didn't, Because I Was a Good Kid Who Didn't Cause No Trouble And Masked Like A Good Girl:
that time in second grade when the class was playing outside on a hot day, and a boy took off his shirt. no one yelled at him. i was also very hot. now of course no one saw my internal debate, and trying to suss out what would be socially acceptable by using logic, but i came to the conclusion that since I was 8 years old and was personally nowhere near starting puberty, it would be okay for me to take off my shirt too. i happily played shirtless for a while, although i could definitely feel the weird looks my classmates were giving me. i wasn't confident in my assessment but i was willing to defend my logic and position. i was right and if the others disagreed, they were the weird ones. a teacher passed by in a hurry and yelled at me to put my shirt on in a scandalised tone. she didn't yell at the boy. nothing further ever came of it.
#i'm still indignant about this#like i had CONSIDERED IT#and while i realise that society isn't built in a way that doesn't sexualise little girls it fucking SHOULD BE#i was very relieved i didn't get in trouble at the time but god damn if that teacher hadn't been trying to stop a nosebleed or whatever#or like if she'd come back later and had a FUCKING TALK WITH ME#tbf i probably would have lied and masked my way through that one the best i could and then stress cried in the bathroom#also the way i just realised this is why i'm so good at lying in some situations#i was SO SCARED of being found out#found out that i didn't know what to do in a situation or how to talk to people#i was SCARED the first time we had school lunch and i was always so worried i'd have to show people i didn't know something#thank god for scripts#i actually remember developing a script in my head the first time my mum encouraged me to talk to salesperson#i was like 5#and i felt like i couldn't ask mum what to say#i had to KNOW#so i scripted it in my head and gathered my courage and asked where the whatevers were and walked back to my mum#and we went and found the whatevers together#mum fully just did that because she thought i was so shy#i was shitting bricks#i also hated the idea of going to doctor's appointments alone#it was fine for general checkups but when they were actually tryna figure shit out with my migraines it was bad#i'd forget EVERYTHING i'd need to say and i had no script and i was scared and AAAAAA#i'd always take my mum with me#there was this one doctor who hated that and tried to get me to come alone#i was 16 maybe?#when i eventually did go alone it went okay#i masked and came up on top :| and nobody noticed i was fully super depressed and neurodivergent#okay i think that's enough for now#internal monologue#adhd
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#another tag vent ignore it if you dont wanna hear it#im getting really discouraged about posting myself again :( i was so proud of the last photo set and was actually feeling good about myself#for a tiny bit.. but it flopped.#most of the photo sets that i kinda like before posting end up getting the least amount of attention and i dont understand why?#and more people keep dming me with bullshit 😒 and expect sneak peeks or exclusives when they dont interact with or follow me at all.#that shit pisses me off. if youre too embarrassed to show that youre into me or my pics dont even fucking LOOK at me.#it triggers me so fucking hard sometimes because i feel like a teenager again begging for scraps of attention from people who dont even lik#i just want to FEEL as attractive as some people say i am. but thanks to assholes and my trauma i dont think thats possible.#feralbeeast ramble#fuck bpd#fuck assholes#im so ready to dissappear without a trace.#living with cptsd#dismorphia#disphoria#please just stop lying to me
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everything is wrong so fucking wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong
edit: i hit tag limit. warning for an insane vent about maybe-abuse i guess though i doubt many people will read it
#time is wrong my memory is wrong i feel wrong my head is wrong everything is WRONG#i hate him i miss him i can’t decide if it was really abuse and it is all so wrong and out of place because it’s two years later and he’s#still in my head and my frog hoodie feels wrong because of him and i’m forcing myself to wear it anyways because it is MINE and i loved it#until he ruined it and it’s a weird texture against my skin and the arms get in the way and it feels so different than i remember after#being on a hanger lying dead in my closet for two years with a broken zipper and a newly uncovered layer of ickiness#and i am scared and i am tired and everything is just so. fucking. wrong.#i hope he goes to ohio and i hope he rots and i hope my skin will stop FUCKING crawling at the damn park I HATE IT#I HATE HIM#he fucking ruined me two years late#and i still. can’t. tell. if. it. was. my. fault.#because isn’t it? isn’t that why all of this happened because i pushed and i pushed and i fucking pushed#and most of it happened when we were just friends and it wasn’t that bad and no one else said anything so what the fuck do i know#but i can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong. and i blame him.#i miss his dog. i wish id gotten to meet her. i cant express how thankful i am that i was never in his house#but she didn’t deserve any of that#i miss her i hate that she’s gone and i hate that i feel somewhat bad for him because of it#i am so. tired#and done#and i want to go home and i AM home but im not because its all FUCKING wrong#i hate recognizing traits of his in other terrible people#i’ll watch that damn vod and think ‘fuck he did that too’ and i’ll hear them talk and think ‘fuck he did that too’ but surely it shouldn’t#mather because it was friendship and we were never REALLY dating#but deserved lol. and my ribs. and my knuckles. and the jokes-not-jokes and the reiteration that i’m stupid#and he was only continually nice to me when he thought i was The One#but even then he was shit#just… in a more hidden way#poking and tugging at boundaries until they moved back bit by bit#and i don’t remember i don’t remember i don’t REMEMBER how bad jt might have gotten#fuck#fuck i need to be held
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#this is JUST like supernatural#this will get better!#why do people lie to me?#lying to me is illegal#i dont want to be a girl anymore#but i hate being trans so much#like i literally want to die thinking about it#and i still like the option of going back and forth#but i feel so stupid snd restless#i want to just. have a gender. i have a completely not#i wish i could trust the people around me. i literally feel like i can trust anyone#and my brain says i need to try and i know i need to try but i dont want to. i want this to all disappear i want to be free. i want#people to stop denying that this is fucking hard. i know i have a goid life i have food and a place to sleep and a pretty house and clothes#and im so thankful ive always been fucking thankful#ive been thankful my entire fucking life i was never allowed to be anything but thankful#and so maybe you shoukd ket me fucking acknowledge it and maybe since this is YOUR fucking faukt you shoukd fucking fix it.#do fucking SOMETHING other than tey and make me feel fucking worse#other than telling me im not worth anything but i guess its fucking working#i could beg on my hands and knees#i could beg for hours and hours and you would never change#you would always choose to keep me here and#you would keep him in your life because he has money#and you keep him in your life because you cant stand to believe her#and you cant stand the fact that you may have hurt me when youve actually known#and your actions that make the least sense#and i made it funny. i just wanted it to be funny#so i made the joke on m#e#i just want to be comfortable and i am there are so many people who have ot worse#i dont understand why im crying
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if y'all see me venting and deleting sorry I'm going through it rn
#personal#once a year at minimum I'm guaranteed a fucking regression like breakdown#its so fun < lying#thank gd im starting things this year to try and help my body/brain stop being like This#im so tired of constantly being on edge#it feels like it's been a week in my body every day that passes#im so exhausted and everything hurts all the time#hoping that helping the mental/trauma component of this fatigue a little helps me get at least a little control back in my life
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modern au where everything goes almost the same for naruhodo ryuunosuke but then he ends up in a weird saul goodman situation where he has to defend all these weird clients. and it's just everyone from yakuza
#i was lying abt coming back asap because now im playing yakuza 0 ... i dont know anything abt it i just think its funny#thank you runo. very cool! >> ooc.#the gods called. they told me to stop hornyposting >> tbd.
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